#this is your sign to go play the demo and then go throw money at the devs so they can make that amazing full game for us

[gemsgamegems]

my backlist is a MILE HIGH (and then some) so this is my first Two and a Half studios title and I gotta say....I'm obsessed.

I chewed through the demo and I'm crying because it's OVER!!

Ughhh, the customization options, my cute pet (who I am looking foward to snuggling), and Grimmy of course 🫶🏽

Literally addicted to the banter between him and my character, go ahead and inject the shit into my veins, yup.

[casper-spills]

˚₊‧꒰ა 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐀𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐌𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

ᴘɪʟᴇ 1 ~ ᴘɪʟᴇ 2 ~ ᴘɪʟᴇ 3

✦Masterlist ✦Paid Readings ✦Support me through Kofi

𓆩♡𓆪 𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝙀𝙍 𝘿𝙄𝙎𝘾𝙊𝙐𝙉𝙏 50%𝙊𝙁𝙁 !! 𓆩♡𓆪

Ends on September 22nd

Discaimer: Tarot reading is for entertainment purposes only and should never take the place of professional therapy or professional legal, medicinal or financial advice.

| KO-FI SHOP |

☁︎ ᴘɪʟᴇ 1 ☁︎

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉

The Hermit Reversed

Keywords & Signs: Venus, scorpio, 3rd house, gemini, mercury, 9, torch, snow, corn field, black, lamp post, green, new moon in taurus, mintaken, mermaid, ocean, cave, retreat, hillwalking, belonging, lightworkers

Messages: 'Prosperity lies ahead' 'Longing for home'

This month will be focused on your social life and learning how you can come out of your shell. You might have spent a long time withdrawn from the world and perhaps you'll be looking for a change this month or you could be resistant to this change. There was a time where solitude was helpful for you but now is the time to get back out there and get back in touch with the people around you.

If you have been very social and this is not the case, then alternatively, it could mean that you've been avoiding self reflection because you're afraid of what you might find. Or it could mean you are too rigid with how you think and tend to get tunnel visioned on certain things which might be hindering your ability to see a something from another perspective. Take a step back, reassess the situation and reflect.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆

Three of Cups Upright

Keywords & Signs: Pisces, moon, 10th house, capricorn, saturn, 3, water, waterfall, purple, waxing moon, portal, snake, passage, party, drinks, bar, lightning, anklet

Messages: 'The energy is gaining momentum' 'You're crossing the threshold'

Traits of your current or potential partner: Positive: Dreamy, soft round face, large eyes, sensual lips, good dancer, consistant, secure, loyal, nurturing, feminine Negative: Distracted, day dreamer, emotional, sensitive

If you are in a relationship, it could be that, together, you have plans to celebrate with family and friends. You might be throwing an anniversary or engagement party or it could be getting closer to your wedding day! Alternatively, you may be going to someone else's party together and it will be a great party where you get to be with everyone.

If youre not in a relationship, someone from your past might reappear in your life who could be a potential romantic partner. You may meet them in a social gathering or a party with friends or family that you were invited to go to this month. Lately you might have been thinking about getting back into the dating scene again so this could be the perfect time!

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔

Ace of Wands Reversed

Keywords & Signs: Capricorn, mercury, 2nd house, taurus, venus, 1, fire, new moon in capricorn, broken mirror, workshop, construction, yellow, gold, sun rays

Messages: 'What is not aligned or needs to chnage?' 'Your hard work is paying off'

You may struggle this month in your finances. You could be losing money on investments or be hit by unexpected costs or bills. In your career, you might receive dissapointing news such as not getting the job you applied for. You will find yourself being more careful with how you spend your money this month.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉

Five of Wands Reversed

Keywords & Signs: Virgo, north node, rahu, 8th house, scorpio, pluto, fire, 5, starseed, full moon in scorpio, blue, sport centre, game, saturn, neptune, orange

Messages: 'What lights you up?' 'It's time to release negativity'

This month you are being asked to pay attention to matters related to your abdomen, intestines, gallbladder, pancreas and liver.

You could be struggling to fight off an illness and you might be more sensitive to food than usual. You might find that eating more foods that are better for your gut could ease your struggle a bit more. Stress could also be a factor, so make sure you are doing things to help with stress or anxiety.

If you play any kind of sport, especially an agressive sport, then you are being asked to be extra careuful while you play this month as you could receive a serious injury.

☁︎ ᴘɪʟᴇ 2 ☁︎

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉

Nine of Wands Reversed

Keywords & Signs: Taurus, mercury, 3rd house, gemini, communication, dig, stairs, climb, new moon in sagittarius, priestess, magenta, sphinx gate, fire, the neverending story, wings, barrier, wall, 9

Messages: 'Luck is on your side' 'How are you being called to step up and lead?'

This month will be focused on how you lead others and the way you communicate. There might be some unexpected trouble this month regarding your connections, friends or acquaintances. This may be work related.

You might be a person who feels that your way of doing things is the right way or the most efficient and perhaps you're a person who is known as stubborn or rigid. However, this month, you may reflect on yourself and start to wonder. You will enter a stalemate. You might feel like giving up and start to lack perseverance as you struggle to learn past mistakes.

You could be faced with a situation that forces you to reflect on yourself such as being rejected/abandoned by your team or the people around you. You might see yourself as the last one standing or the only one playing the game but that couldn't be further from the truth. It may be that you need to start seeing eye to eye with your team and try to understand their concerns. You might start to feel defensive or overwhealmed as you are being criticised by others but do your best to hear them out.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆

The Hierophant Reversed

Keywords & Signs: Scorpio, saturn, 2nd house, taurus, venus, south node, ketu, green, 5, temple, church, stained glass window, waterfall, pandora's box, freedom

Messages: 'Answer the call; what is your soul calling you to do?' 'Don't let your past hold you back'

Traits of your current or potential partner: Positive: Sharp features, hypnotic eyes, strudy build, hourglass figure, committed, responsible, good boundaries, ambitious, hardworking, diligent, patient, stable, reliable Negative: Restricitve, stingy, depressed, stressed, too serious, traditional

If you are in a relationship, you could be in an unconventional relationship. You could be breaking tradition by not getting married, being the same sex, reversing gender roles, etc. It might come to your attention, this month, that you and your partner may not on the same page when it comes to your values and goals which could be causing conflict or insecurity in the relationship. Try to compromise and meet the other person half way and listen to each others' needs. Ask yourself, will you be able to fulfill each others' needs?

If you are not in a relationship, you could be someone who is not interested in a marriage or a traditional partnership. Perhaps, this month, you will come to a conclusion that you do not want a partner and you are completely happy living a single life.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔

King of Cups Upright

Keywords & Signs: Rahu, north node, taurus, 8th house, scorpio, pluto, water, blue, new moon in gemini, play, margarita, magic carpet, holiday, ocean, beach, lake, sun, 14

Messages: 'Communication is key' 'Have fun. Celebrate. Don't be so serious'

In your finances, you will be very stable this month. However, you could be struggling to find a balance between financial security and your material wealth meaning that you are neglecting other areas in your life. You could deny certain activities even if you can afford to do it or you could be refusing to replace that one item in your home (because technically it still works) even though everyone is telling you to get rid of it. This month you are being asked to accept change and welcome new experiences and memories.

Career wise, remember not to give your career your undivided attention. Keep the balance in all areas of your life. This month, you could be offered support or guidance in work. You will discover new ways to create a pleasnt working environment for yourself and you will be well liked and respected by your colleagues.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉

Ace of Cups Upright

Keywords & Signs: Gemini, mars, 7th house, 1, water, full moon in aries, red, cave, birdbath, birds, lake, pond

Messages: 'Share your voice' 'A fiery climax approaches'

This month you are being asked to pay attention to matters related to your hands, lungs and nervous system.

If you have been having problems with health, you will find that your health is improving this month and you are blessed with luck! It might be that this issue has been affecting your mental health but upon hearing this news and being presented this fresh start, you will be full of energy.

Alternatively, if you are trying for a baby, you are in luck! Make sure you are checking in with your doctor because they may have good news for you.

☁︎ ᴘɪʟᴇ 3 ☁︎

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉

Queen of Swords Reversed

Keywords & Signs: Libra, jupiter, 3rd house, gemini, mercury, air, 13, boundary, spikes, star, icicle, unbinding, chains, unfinished business, new moon in sagittarius, magenta, generational trauma

Messages: 'Release soul patterns' 'Luck is on your side'

This month will be focused on how you process trauma and learning how to set boundaries. There is a warning for you in this reading. It could be that you have a negative relationship with your mother or mother figure. This person might be be trying to drag you down by spreading malicious gossip or being overly critical of you.

The Queen of Swords reversed is a bitter and cruel woman. She is cold and spiteful. She is a woman who uses trauma as a justification to drag others down. She is someone who is obsessive and controling. Do not think for a moment that she is capable of empathy. You cannot trust her.

This generational trauma may be affecting your ability to move on from the past and be the best version of yourself. Perhaps you fear turning into that cold and bitter person. This is your reminder to reflect and gain a new perspective. This month will be about how you are going to end the cycle.

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆

Queen of Cups Upright

Keywords & Signs: Cancer, neptune, 2nd house, taurus, venus, water, 13, new moon in sagittarius, cave, magenta, expression, bath, candles, skinny dipping, swimming

Messages: 'Luck in love' 'Express your feelings'

Traits of your current or potential partner: Positive: Intuitive, imaginative, dreamy, innocent, kind, forgiving, compassionate, empathetic, optimistic, ambitious, soft features, expressive, gentle demeanor, broad/large chest Negative: Delusional, naive, sensitive, childish, unrealistic

If you are in a relationship, you are being reminded that you have the emotional support that you might be craving. Perhaps you're afraid that your partner might not be able to fulfill your needs but this is your sign to open up about your feelings and seek emotional support from them. They will make sure you get the support you deserve.

If you're not in a relationship, this is your sign to get out there and meet new people! Romance is coming your way! If you already have someone in mind then this is your sign to shoot your shot. This person could be a quiet and shy person so they might not tell you their feelings until you make it very obvious that you like them back so this is your time to express your feelings!

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒔

Eight of Wands Reversed

Keywords & Signs: Moon, virgo, 7th house, libra, venus, gold, yellow, sun, glow, new moon in leo, 8, roadtrip, rose, wings, highway, fast travel, fire

Messages: 'Confidence is your key to sucess' 'You are in your element'

This month could be a frustrating time in your finances and your career. It might be that the progress in these areas of your life is slowing down or you keep experiencing setbacks, cutbacks, lack of opportunities or promotions. You may be waiting for some feedback or you keep scheduling for meetings which keep getting resqueduled or cancelled. You might make money very slowly this month and you might struggle to reach the financial security that you desire.

Stay patient and spend money carefully. Don't be impulsive. It will all pay off in the end. Once you get over this bump in the road, you will be hit with sudden abundance in money and opportunities! Luck is coming in quickly!

𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉

Ten of Swords Upright

Keywords & Signs: pisces, saturn, 12th house, neptune, acupuncture clinic, 10, air, denists, surgery room, purple, flowers, waxing crescent moon, chakra, nature, chandelier, grounding

Messages: 'Have faith in your dreams' 'Connect with nature'

This month you are being asked to pay attention to matters related to your feet, toes, lymphatic system and your mental health.

This month, your health may decline to the point you are forced to stop and prioritise your health. You might experience some chronic fatigue, exhaustion, collapse and nervous breakdowns.

If you are struggling with mental health, you might find that taking time off could benefit you. Do some shadow work and pay attention to any addictions or bad habits you may have developed during this time.

☁︎ Thank you for your support! ☁︎

@theladybrownstarot, @loonaticpoe, @depressedcap, @artscapismsworld, @livelythoughts, @theflorestpurple, @swordoftheseeker, @miraclekay97, @fantasticcolortrash, @slashercult, @hearteyedmorena, @pink-sky-butterfly, @reefwaif, @zolarwho, @horselessjockey, @heaven444child

Dividers by @cafekitsune, @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[glass--beach]

hey j! :)

i hope this question isn't too much but may i ask you how you came to work with run for cover records?

in late 2019 when our debut album was starting to take off we had three different labels reach out to us almost simultaneously. one of them became defunct shortly after (if you know you know, legitimately goddamn tragic for a friend of mine who was signed with them but at least we dodged that fucking bullet) another was very kind but small and didn't have all that much to offer, and run for cover just had the best offer right out the gate, though we hired a lawyer and went through a couple of rounds of negotiation before signing. the label head tom later said they would've taken just about any terms because they wanted to sign us so bad which was a huge compliment... also he's like legitimately one of the nicest people i've worked with in the industry, nothing but good things to say there. anyway, i have no idea how we got on their radar, we talked about it a long time ago but i don't remember the whole story, probably had to do with los campesinos and ian cohen shouting us out iirc.

it's funny because before the album released i'm 90% sure i sent them demos and they were ignored, because i had sent demos to just about every record label i knew of JUST in case. but tbh i think label submissions go right in the trash. when labels wanna sign people they do the searching themselves or take recommendations from other industry people

ALSO i have to say - do NOT ever sign a record deal unless the terms are truly great. we were very lucky to have good terms and have an entertainment lawyer who could help negotiate. in the modern day there's not as much point to signing as there used to be, distributing music digitally is ridiculously easy now. the main things rfc helps us with is merch/physical album manufacturing and distribution, lots of boring business and advertising stuff we hate doing, and giving us advances just about any time we need them because we have now established we can pay stuff off promptly - lots of labels will wave a fancy advance in ppl's faces to get them to agree to shitty terms but it is a loan, and you can't make a profit when you have to pay it off. ours was 20k which i think is fairly normal maybe on the smaller side for a label of this size, definitely nothing compared to the stuff major labels will throw at people though. we were, again, very lucky to be able to pay that off and start actually making money in under a year, but every time we get the budget for a new album we have another big advance to pay off.

hope you don't mind the unsolicited advice, i can't help giving it though when people ask about labels because it can be such a dangerous thing but also very cool depending on the contract and how you play your cards!

[there-is-no-context]

Hear me out: Mercs at the fairground

Scout

Is constantly whipping around from one horrifyingly fast ride to the other because this guy is an absolute adrenaline junky

Really fucking afraid of heights tho so he'll be reluctant to do anything with big drops without closing his eyes

Knows those baseball throwing games are rigged as hell, he still plays them anyway

Is on his third cotton candy of the day (they've only been here for two hours) (someone please stop him)

Soldier

You bet your ass he's going on every ride while screaming about America

Buys cotton candy for his racoons

He lost all of his pocket money (and some of Demo's) to shitty games because he found a cute plush toy he really wanted

At one point he got angry anough that he just flipped the entire stand

Pyro

This little firebug is having the time of their life

Has, *so many ballons*

Only really goes on the kiddie rides but enjoys them extremely

There's so much happy hand flapping and rapid signing going on that they're inevitably going to smack someone in the face

Demo

He's the first one to throw up in one of the trash cans

If there's alcohol at the event? You bet your ass he's sampling everything

Is the one egging Soldier on to go on all the rides (it's mutual dumbassery tho)

Gets people to play games for him, because ya' know, only having 1 eye means he has basically no depth perception

Heavy

Mom friend? Mom friend.

The one who ends up carrying everyone's stuff

He's also essentially got Medic on a kiddie leash the entire time

Absolutely refuses to go on the more extremely rides and instead just waits off to the side with a camera

Engineer

He's on 'making sure Pyro doesn't burn everything dowm from excitement' duty

Has said "You kids go have fun!" on at least one occasion

Tries to keep his composure on rides but ends up screaming and cursing like a sailor

Has to sweet-talk the staff into not kicking the guys out at least once

Spy

He was bullied into comming and is hating every second of the event

(At least that's what he tells himself because seeing his son having such a good time is a bit infectious)

The others are only able to convince him to go on one ride before he refuses to go on any more clinging to a lamppost like a cat someone tried to throw into water

He'll deny this until his dying day but the screams heard from that one ride were not made by the kid sitting next to him

Medic

Once he gets over being torn away from his work for something like this, he actually has a really good time

Manic medic manic medic manic medic

Also another secret adrenaline weirdo

Shares incredibly random and pretty disturbing trivia about whatever place they go to(typically about how many reported deaths have been caused at the event)

Sniper

Incredibly overstimulated but trying to push through it (yay for the 'tism)

Those stupid shooting games never stood a chance

Really doesn't like fast rides however he adores being in high places so the ferris wheel is a definite favorite of his

Disappears halfway through the trip because the others forgot to keep track of him and he saw a dog

Pls share your thoughts because I have severe brainrot and wish to discusssssss

[otptings]

Inspiration (rewrite)

-Idol; Xu Minghao

-Genre; Smut, slight Fluff

-Warnings; switch!reader, switch!Minghao, lot's of fighting for dominance, dry humping, spitting, unprotected sex, oral (m receiving), fingering, marking, praise kink, daddy kink, humiliation,

-Synopsis; Minghao struggles to find inspiration while working in he studio one night, and decides that his amazing girlfriend could help him out with it.

-An ~ this is a rewrite for a one shot under the same name that I did a while go since I've decided to start writing for Seventeen along with my two other groups. If you enjoy this you can request something for anyone in Seventeen, or you can go donate to my Ko-Fi in my bio to help me save up some money since I an unable to work because of my mental disorder. Thank you and once again hope that you enjoy

Visits to the studio were never rare. Being so close to Seventeen you always came to visit. Sometimes you were asked to come like when Jihoon needed you to listen to his demo because you're unbiased or just sitting in while the boys recorded a song for extra support. The studio tended to be a comfort place for you and the boys, always going there to take a break or to relieve stress. It still was a studio and was used for work so it wasn't a surprise when you walked in and saw Minghao with his forehead to the table muttering in Mandarin, crumpled papers in and surrounding the small trash can. A nice beat was playing from the computer, but by the way that it cut off and restarted it was unfinished.

"Um hi," Minghao sat up at the sound of your voice. A red mark was visible on his forehead from the table, and his hair was mussed, plastered his forehead almost. Wordlessly he put his arms out, holding them out for you.

Taking that as your cue you closed the door behind you before walking over to him and straddling his lap, attempting to get comfortable in the small chair. As soon as you stopped moving his arms wrapped around your waist as he buried his face into the crook of your neck, "Is everything okay baby?"

You could feel him shake his head before nuzzling his head closer, until you could feel his warm breath.

"I'm forced to write a love song for the next album, and can't think of any lyrics. I've been at this for hours and have made no progress besides adding a little more to the beat."

You slid your hand up to the back of his head, running your fingers through his messy hair. "You'll think of something you always do, baby. I have faith in you." Minghao sighed before placing a seemingly sweet kiss on your neck, but by the way that he repositioned himself you realized his intentions were anything but.

"I know. I'm still happy you came. We haven't been able to spend a lot of time together and I miss you a lot. I'm sorry I've been so busy because of work." Your heart melted at the statement, even as he continued to pepper kisses along your neck, pulling your (read his) hoodie and placing them on your exposed collarbone.

"I missed you too, so much. And I understand I knew that there would be times when we couldn't talk because of work. I signed up for this when I chose an idol." He placed another kiss on your neck, accompanied by four more. You strained to remember if you had locked the door when he nipped at your neck, before certainly sucking a bruise. You bit your lip trying to hide a moan, knowing where this was going to lead.

With Minghao stress and horniness intermingle. This isn't the first time that you've been in this position. Hopefully you locked the door so that you wouldn't have to relive the actual first time you had sex in the studio. Forgetting to lock the door, and an unsuspecting Dino walked in on you both. The embarrassment lasted for weeks afterwards, neither of you being able to face Dino alone without feeling the burn from embarrassment. The jokes that the rest of the group had at all three of your expense was quite funny thinking back on it.

"Minghao." A whine left your lips at a particularly hard bite, followed by a moan when he sucked on it hard. You didn't even have to see him to know that there was a smirk on his face, pride evident over his effect on you.

"What baby? I just need to relieve some stress. That okay?" He spoke in-between his kisses, his hands sliding underneath your hoodie. Rubbing circles against your bare skin with his thumbs, leaning back as he laughed at your pout.

"Stop teasing me then. Actually do something." Minghao grabbed your thighs and stood up from the chair, causing a loud laugh from you.

"Don't you dare drop me."

"I would never." Jokingly pretending to drop you causing a squeal to leave your mouth before he gently placed you down on the couch. Minghao smiled sweetly as he hovered above you, cupping your cheek with his left hand before connecting your lips for the first time since you've arrived.

He needs chapstick. A thought that plagued your head to distract yourself from the way that you were getting so worked up from a simple kiss. The rough pad of his thumb gliding over your cheek. Minghao was a passionate person and it usually showed in the way he kissed you. Chapped lips against your smooth ones. Sweet and chaste kisses.

"I love you." Minghao whispered, before connecting your lips again. A smile spread on your face as you wrapped yourself around him, pulling him down to you so his body was pressing directly against yours. Despite the sweet moment you couldn't ignore that the fire in your stomach was growing, the kiss was only acting as the catalyst, fueling it even more.

The kisses became more desperate as he pressed his hardening cock against your thigh. A whimper left your mouth at your growing desire, desperate for him to touch you. Minghao bit at your bottom lip, an involuntary gasp causing you to open your mouth so he could stick his tongue in. Both of you tended to be dominant, so you weren't going to let him win it so easily.

Neither of you won actually, only pulling away to catch your breath. Minghao placed his forehead on yours as you both practically just shared the air.

"Please fuck me." Minghao smirked hearing your voice, so fucked out without being properly touched. Grinding himself down against your core a sigh leaving both of your mouths, feeling relief from the growing pressure. A whine left you at the feeling of him rubbing perfectly against your clit, the thin fabric of your sweatpants adding onto the sensation.

You tried to take control of the situation by switching your positions, straddling his lap and grinding down against his cock. Minghao grabbed your hips and forced you over his thigh, helping you pull your hips and back forth. A smirk ever present on his face, seeing him maintain control.

"You're so pretty baby. Trying to be dominant me but you're just here, whining for me to fuck you. For once you're not so big and bad are you?" His words combined with him moving your hips for you caused a moan to build in your throat, your clit rubbing beautifully against the fabric of your panties causing your eyes to start to roll back. You were so close to an orgasm when Minghao stopped, a loud whine leaving your mouths as you looked at him. His eyes lidded as he watched you throw your little tantrum, knowing you weren't gonna get control over the situation easily.

"You wanted to cum baby?" You nodded your head, a pout still evident on your lips.

"Strip for me baby. Then on your knees."

Minghao sat up leaning back on the couch. Hawk eyes staying on your figure as you got undressed, too needy to even think about giving him a show. You tossed your clothes haphazardly on the floor, before dropping to your knees in front of him. You placed your hands on your thighs, excitement coursing through you at what he would do to you. At this point you had given up trying to gain dominance, just enjoying the fact that Minghao would do whatever he wanted to you.

Minghao sat up slightly, grabbing your hair before pulling your head back. In this new pose the marks lining your neck were on display. He tapped on your lips with two fingers causing you to open your mouth and stick your tongue out. A proud look covered his face. Seeing his beautiful baby girl with her mouth wide open, tongue lolling out and eyes glassy as you anticipate what he's gonna do.

The feeling of pride only grew in his chest as he spit in your open mouth, a moan leaving you as you swallowed.

"So beautiful baby. All mine." His hand came up to your cheek, cupping it slightly before pulling it away and slapping you lightly. Not enough to hurt, just enough to cause you to jerk in his hold, a twinge of pain flowing through your body as he pulled your hair. "You know the safe word." You nodded as best you could,

"You know what to do baby. Make me proud."

Releasing your hair he leaned back against the couch, legs spread enough for you to get between them. You didn't bother fully removing his pants, only yanking them down enough for his cock to pop out. He sighed at the feeling of the air hitting his sensitive head, cock throbbing already.

Minghao was pretty naturally. Every part of him was pretty, including his cock. It was long and thick, perfect for hitting every spot. The head was pink, shiny from the pre cum steadily leaking from it. Grabbing the base you rubbed it against your lips smearing the precum while making sure that Minghao was watching. Sticking your tongue out you kitten licked the tip, the salty taste spreading over your tongue.

"No teasing. Be a good girl okay?" You ignored his words but decided on your own that his cock looked too delectable to not be in your mouth. Wrapping your lips around the head you sucked on it lightly, a low groan leaving his mouth. You took him further into your mouth, gagging as you pressed your nose against the base, taking in the smell of his soap and slight must as you took a deep breath.

"Fuck baby." His hand flew to your hair, grabbing it and guiding you up and down his cock. Swirling your tongue around the tip, you took him down your throat again, enjoying the groans that left his mouth, and feeling him tug at your hair when you swallowed around him, endless praises leaving his mouth.

"So good babygirl. You always know how to suck me so properly huh? You were made just for sucking my dick. My pretty girl." His praises being punctuated by his moans. You continued to suck on his cock as your free hand slid down your body. You collected your wetness on two fingers before sliding them in, your moan muffled by his cock as you fucked yourself on your fingers. His cock was heavy on your tongue, you felt it twitch knowing that he was ready to cum.

"My baby girl couldn't wait huh? You want daddy's cock so badly don't you. Want daddy to fuck your pussy how he's fucking your mouth?" Letting another muffled moan out, in turn causing Minghao to pull you off of his cock. Pulling you back onto his lap, he grabbed your jaw before smashing his lips on yours. His pre cum tasted divine when combined with your spit, and he moaned into your mouth from the filth of it.

"Please daddy," You whined into the kiss, "fuck me. I need you."

Minghao changed the position, laying you on your back. Quickly taking off his shorts he settled in between your thighs, lifting them so they were placed on his shoulders. Grabbing the base of his cock he rubbed the head up over hole, coating the tip with your arousal. A hiss leaving your mouth as he tapped it against your clit, sensitive from the teasing and foreplay.

"Stop teasing and just fuck me already." Without a warning Minghao sunk into your heat, a whine leaving his mouth at the feel of your warmth surrounding him. Placing his hands on your thighs he started to thrust in you, setting a fast pace. The music was still playing, now accompanied by the sound of skin slapping, and his balls as they hit your ass.

"F-eel good d-daddy. S' good." Your words slurred as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down into a hot kiss. The kiss was incredibly sloppy, too much teeth, too much spit but perfect for the moment. You just wanted to be connected to Minghao in every way.

"Your pussies so good baby," A whine ripped from his throat at the feeling of you clenching around him, dominance slowly seeping out of him at the feeling of your pussy sucking him in, "s' fucking good."

"Fuck stop Minghao." Minghao stopped instantly, pulling out in fear that he hurt you.

"Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" You shook your head before pushing Minghao back, straddling his lip.

"Changing position." Grabbing his cock that was still soaked from your arousal, pushing it back into your hole. Placing your hands on his chest you started to bounce slowly, a moan leaving both of you as the tempo. Swirling your hips you laughed a little when Minghao grabbed your hips, a whine leaving his mouth.

"Fuck baby." He threw his head back exposing his throat. The temptation to bite his throat, leaving a pretty, purple bruise against his creamy skin. Leaning down you placed a kiss on his Adam's apple, softly biting over it causing his hips to jerk up.

"L-look at you. All weak under me," Sliding one of your hands up to his neck, squeezing it slightly. His hips jerked up into you again, rubbing over your g spot the tension in your stomach so close to snapping. Trying to hold it in, trying to enjoy seeing Minghao like this.

"Wonder what the boys would think. Your so weak under me, letting me use you. You probably tell them that you only top huh?" Minghao shook his head, face flushed as a blush spread down to his chest, " Wonder what'd they think if they caught us." His eyes fluttered close, grip on your waist tightening. Your thigh burning from the strenuous activity.

"Walking into the studio, seeing me riding you on the couch they all sit on. My hand wrapped around your throat. How would they feel if they knew it was the only way baby boy 8 can cum?" To punctuate your sentence you squeezed his neck harder, watching as his eyes shot open at the sensation, moans leaving his mouth.

Thank god the studios were sound proof.

"Please let me fuck you. Please baby girl I can be good for you." Minghao whined trying to resist the urge to move his hips.

The burning sensation had spread to your hips, and your pace was starting to stutter. Your orgasm in your reach but still too far, and you couldn't keep fucking him at this pace.

“Go ahead.” Minghao planted his feet before thrusting up into you, a punched out moan leaving your mouth. Him taking control over the tempo caused your orgasm to come closer. You knew you wouldn't last at this pace, and you still needed to help him cum. You kept your grip around his throat and dragged your nail down his chest, before flicking his nipples causing a gasp to leave his mouth. Twisting and playing with nipples, drinking in his sounds. His thrusts got sloppier so I knew that he wasn’t going to last long.

"I need to cum. Please let me cum."

“Hold it just a little longer.” Minghao let out a sob at the denial but never slowed his thrusts. Looking down at him I saw that the blush had spread all the way down his chest, his nipples rock hard from me playing with them. His eyes were glossy from unshed tears, strain evident as he tried to hold his orgasm. Hair plastered to his forehead from the sweat coating his body. Just this image of him so fucked out was enough to make your stomach tighten, and the fire roar impossibly hotter.

“Cum now baby.” Minghao released a long moan as his cock twitched before spilling inside of you. Feeling his warm cum coating your walls pushed you into your own orgasm. Minghao's thrust stuttered but you continued, milking him and riding out your own orgasm. When you both finished cumming you laid down on top of Minghao, him wrapping his arms around you as you tried to catch your breath.

"Fuck." Was the only thing Minghao said and you nodded your head, feeling the rise and fall of his chest as he panted. "We need to clean up." Standing up you quickly grabbed your underwear, not trying to have any of his cum leak out and cause a bigger mess.

Grabbing a stray napkin from the table you helped Minghao clean himself off, wiping the cum before tossing him his underwear. Grabbing his hoodie you quickly tossed it on, before grabbing your phone and checking the time.

"It's 11:50, do you want to order food before we go home?" Minghao nodded his head, still focused on getting dressed. After ordering the food you both went back to cuddling on the couch, definitely needing it.

“I know what the song is gonna be about now.” You let out a laugh as you smacked Minghao's chest, a giggle leaving his own mouth. Shaking your head you cuddled up closer to him, enjoying the moment of peace before he would have to inevitably get back to his work.

“Glad to be of service.”

[euronymous-files]

translated from Norwegian

"He came into my life at a time when I had just started listening to extreme and loud music. I sat at home in Råde and listened to local radio from Oslo. [...]

Frode Øien had a program where he invited the then unknown band Mayhem to visit because they had recorded a new demo tape. They were just incredibly mysterious and used pseudonyms and stuff, and I mean remember they took over the whole radio broadcast. To me, it sounded like Frode was set aside as host and the band took over for a couple of hours. It was absolutely magical. They played their own music, but not least they played lots of other things that were completely unknown, Hellhammer, Bathory, lots of early black metal and other extreme things. They obviously had great insight into what was going on and were by definition the only Norwegian band that existed in all these genres at once. They were the starting point for everything you could call extreme metal. It all starts with Mayhem."

Anders tells of how he became "insanely fascinated". [...] “The following week, a guy who was a competition winner appeared and said he was the brother of someone in the band. His name was Aarseth, and that led to me simply browsing the telephone directory, and I found only one Aarseth family in Ski. I took the chance and called and hit right on Øystein. That conversation must have lasted an hour or two. He met someone who was open to the same things as him, and then he was like a wandering library and very enthusiastic. His fervent commitment was something you felt right away, something he literally lived for. He gave my whole musical approach a kind of passion I had never experienced before.” To the young Anders, four years older Øystein Aarseth appeared as a kind of natural messenger of all the new things that were about to happen, and he swallowed everything he was told. He took in all the tips Øystein shared and received a lot of music that engulfed him, first from Øystein, then also from other bands.

"In the 80's it was not so common to have contact with people in other countries. If it were not unknown, getting to know people abroad was much more difficult than it is today. The only method was letter writing, and this whole underground scene was very much based on that. We wrote to each other and attached leaflets and fanzines and other things. You picked up the things you had on tape and changed the recording. Øystein introduced all this to me. I also went to practice with Mayhem. Back then I was 13 and a half years old, and got a first-hand impression of how the music sounded in your face in the rehearsal room. It made me completely obsessed that I should also start such a band. I had finally found my thing. This was very early in the development of black metal. We who came in right away make up a small but significant group of people. Among those I became acquainted with at that time are or were virtually all members of the most famous and prominent bands. Øystein had an incredibly central role as a source of inspiration and door opener for how to engage with music on the side of the industry, to be independent, in your own world."

Were there other aspects of him than the purely musical that inspired you? The energy, the courage, the talent? "What I took to myself very early was to sacrifice everything for this here. If you wanted to get somewhere with the music, you had to choose it over all other possible leisure activities and side tracks you could end up on, to only care about this music and abandon absolutely everything else. This was something he introduced as an opportunity. Many people did sports and had boyfriend projects and all sorts of things, social things that take a lot of time and resources, but here it was an alternative race to unfold in which I really took to. I had lived in a block and terraced house environment until I was ten years old and moved to a farm. I went from a life where people rang the doorbell all the time to being socially isolated. Now I got a platform that made it possible to break out."

Were you and Øystein friends or is there another way to describe their relationship? "I was a fanboy in the beginning. He got really mad when I copied everything he did. Then he was clear that this is not the way to do it. He was very careful about it. I was very young, and I was looking for band members myself in Fredrikstad and Østfold. When I started Cadaver, there was more mutual respect and a more collegial friendship. Things slipped a bit for him in '92 -'93. In the summer of '93, a few months before he died, he was very much looking for old friends. It was clear that he had been going through a period with a lot of focus on other things, but now he was looking up old friends to play the new Mayhem things that he had been working on for so long. I was with him several times during this time and felt that we had a friendship that was more mature. I had my band, had released an album and been on tour, and now Øystein was finally facing a breakthrough with the album he had talked about releasing for six or seven years. That he was killed became even more sad because of it. He knew he had made something very significant and very good, but never saw it come out."

[...]

"I was in a way close to the events", Anders says. "I also knew Pelle and was several times in the house where they lived in Kråkstad. When such things happen, you are shocked and think about what you could have done differently. But that Øystein did as he did was probably most related to his penchant for myth-making and image-building. He took it too far of course, but his way of thinking about things was that everything could be used for what it is worth in a PR context. I think it would have been perfectly fine if not everything that happened, it would not have made any difference. I remember hearing about him doing it, but not thinking much about it. He probably had an idea that this was so extreme that he had to do something about it. That might say something about how he liked to see things from above. He did not consider himself a direct part of it and did not see that there was anything wrong with it. I think he saw it in a kind of bird's eye view, but it's very difficult to say."

Where do you think Øystein would have been today if he had not been killed? "It's an exciting thing. We who knew him wonder if he had not grown tired of having to move closer to the regular music industry. In a way, he was a bit about to do it himself with his label, and also realized he could not run distribution on his own. I was part of his distribution. It worked so that he sent ten copies of a record to everyone he knew and trusted. All sold nine and sent money to him, and were allowed to keep one themselves. Those records are probably worth 10,000 kroner today. He signed several bands at the end, and the same day he died, Enslaved signed a contract with him. He had other things going on too, so I'm not sure where he ended up." "However, there was a lot going on around him that could have had an unfortunate effect", Anders believes. If he had not been killed by Varg Vikernes, or "The Count", it would probably have been rolled up that he was nearby when Holmenkollen chapel burned. "I do not know if he had been able to sit in jail. He was probably tougher in words than in reality. But what is mainly wrong with the myth of black metal and Øystein was that he created something with knowledge and will to succeed, as it was afterwards. It was rather the opposite. His ideas were to have this as a non-commercial business. You should deserve to hear this music. Being a listener in itself required a number of criteria. If it was up to him, as he told it, the whole scene would be a kind of lodge, and if you were first inside you would hear what others did not hear. But it was going to go away anyway, because it got too big." "Then he did not experience the internet, but it would have been something for him. Because he had so many extreme political ideas, the internet as it has been very much appealed to him. For example, he would be amazed at how widespread conspiracy theories have become. He was interested in extreme political directions, in Pol Pot and communism. I think he too had ended up in a more experimental musical direction. He was an extremist in everything he did and did it full on, and he probably still wanted to hunt for more and more extreme expressions."

[...] What is the best thing Øystein did? " "Freezing Moon". What I find very musically exciting is that it contains so few notes. The atonal and asymmetrical in the arrangement gives an introduction to something completely different than rock. It's the atmospheric, and the movements as we call it, and the riffs that are there. Øystein was concerned with throwing everything away and starting all over again, and it was such a song. It will always be a pillar in the Mayhem catalog and in the development of black metal."

read the full interview (in Norwegian) here

[agapaic]

tianshan drabble. 💞 on behalf of an anonymous donation to the BLMUK organisation, this was created (with permission) for Eylül @eed752. if you would like to donate to an organisation supporting black lives in return for a drabble, please see here for more information. 🌸

tags: chef!guan shan, media exec! he tian, reality TV. tw: non-consensual kissing

///

‘I don’t need your fuckin’ help,’ Guan Shan says, teeth gritted. ‘I didn’t ask for it.’

On the other side of the resaurant’s foyer, Zhengxi lowers the camera. He’s familiar with Guan Shan’s belligerence, and he knows when to stop rolling without waiting for anyone’s call. He turns to He Tian, who’s already making his way over to Guan Shan while he rolls up the cuffs on his shirt sleeves. His smile is tight.

‘Do you want to say that off camera, hm?’ he says quietly, when he’s only a few feet away. There’s something sharp beneath his words that makes Guan Shan’s spine straighten. ‘Stop being a prima donna because you don’t want to follow my suggestions. You and I both know you couldn’t do this without the show.’

Guan Shan looks away. This. His father’s old restaurant had been an empty husk until he bought it, the inside like walking into a warzone. There was graffitti on the walls, smashed crockery covering the floor, burst pipes in the bathrooms and kitchen, some scene from an apocalypse movie. 

The PAP had done nothing with it since they seized the property fifteen years ago; when it came to auction, Guan Shan bought it without thinking, emptying the savings he’d been stockpiling from his job as a waiter. He’d planned to give half to his mom and pay off her mortgage.

He doesn’t have the money to rennovate now, or to repair. He barely has the strength not to revisit the memory of the raid each time he walks through the restaurant doors, bile burning his throat, nausea rolling through him as if he’s at sea. Sometimes, it feels like it, the earth unsteady beneath his feet, his surroundings beginning to spin, a high-pitched ringing starting to keen in his ears—

‘Hey,’ He Tian says, brows drawn in. ‘Hey, did you hear me?’

Guan Shan mumbles something, and his expression must throw He Tian enough because he calls out for a break in the shooting. The crew lower their cameras and mic booms—Take five! someone shouts—and a caterers rolls out a trolley with cans of soft drinks and snacks. 

Guan Shan doesn’t go to it; nor does he collapse into the fold-up chair that has his name printed across the back. Instead, He Tian grips him by the elbow and steers him, not ungently, out of the main restaurant and towards the kitchen.

It’s a building site still, most everything covered in sheets of plastic and a dusty layer of concrete residue. They’ll start filming this part of the show in a couple of weeks, and use a demo kitchen for now while they work on the recipes for the menu. It’s the nature of the show—Overhaul, it’s called, building someone’s business quite literally from the ground up. 

You couldn’t do this without the show, He Tian had said. He’s right. Guan Shan couldn’t have afforded anything on the scale that He Tian is giving him. That’s the whole point of this fucking venture. The furniture, the esteemed clientelle, a Shanghai-based HR agency to find the staff. Some chef from SHIC will help him with the menu, and his contract promises the review of a Black Pearl critic who will visit a year after opening. The restaurant will be a success, by default of He Tian’s purview. He’ll allow nothing else to damage his name.

When the kitchen doors swing to a close behind them, He Tian releases Guan Shan and leans against an old counter with his arms folded. He’s frowning. In here, with the dust and the absence of windows, Guan Shan finds it difficult to breathe. He rubs at his chest, easing a pressure that refuses to dissipate. He’s trying to imagine himself running this place one day, cooking in here, where his father used to—and he fails. 

‘You asked for my help,’ says He Tian, slowly. ‘You went to Jian Yi, who came to me. You signed the contract. You agreed to this.’

‘I know what I fuckin’ agreed to,’ Guan Shan mutters.

He Tian is unimpressed, and Guan Shan realises he hasn’t brought him away from the eyes of the crew because he pities him. He’s just making an attempt not to air any dirty laundry. He’s being professional. 

He says, ‘Then you can stop with the chip on your shoulder and stop being a bitch to the rest of the crew. They’re not your enemy. Neither am I.’

‘I’m not—’

‘If you want sympathy, then play it up. Start crying. I don’t give a damn—the audience will love it.’ He Tian stares at him flatly. ‘Maybe at the end we can have a father-son reunion—’

‘Don’t you fuckin’ dare,’ Guan Shan growls. The thought sickens him. Already, he knows that his father might see this in the papers, or have access to the show on the prison’s communal TV’s. Guan Shan hasn’t told him. He hasn’t visited in over a year. By the time the show airs, He Tian’s name will be emblazoned in lights; it wasn’t written in the contract, but the restaurant will become He Tian’s has much as it has ever belonged to the Mos. 

‘You’re in the entertainment business, Mo Guan Shan,’ He Tian reminds him coldly. ‘You should take what you can get and don’t stop.’

‘Is that what you’ve done?’ Guan Shan sneers.

‘Isn’t it obvious? Look at me.’

Guan Shan is looking. He’s spent two months looking, and he could spend even longer doing so, if only for the fact that he doesn’t want to. His preocuppation with the looks of a pretentious media executive worth millions is really fucking unfortunate. He hates himself for it. 

Granted, sometimes things are good. Sometimes they joke with each other and have moments off-camera that make Guan Shan’s spine tingle. Sometimes he thinks He Tian’s hand touches him when it shouldn’t, and sometimes Guan Shan’s eyes linger longer when they shouldn’t, too. There have been no sordid, insidious rumours staining He Tian’s name as with other media execs in the industry, but that means nothing. He Tian has the money and charm to keep it quiet. Probably, He Tian plays this game with all his entreupeneurs. Probably, Guan Shan is being fucking stupid. He hates himself for that, too.

‘I don’t wanna be like you,’ Guan Shan tells him eventually. ‘You look at people like they’re ratings.’

‘Spare me,’ He Tian remarks dryly. ‘If you had enough of a moral backbone you wouldn’t be using me at all for this. You would’ve worked and worked until you had what it took to make this place work.’ He smiles, almost tenderly. ‘And even then it wouldn’t be enough.’

‘Fuck you.’

‘No, fuck you, Mo Guan Shan. You’re going to be whatever the camera makes tries to make you.’

‘You mean what you make—’

‘Shut up. Do you want to be the arrogant, angry chef with an overruling passion for food? The kid from a broken home with too-high dreams of running a business? Is this all some grand venture to repair your paternal relationship? Or maybe something else entirely. You have the opportunity of a life time. If I were you, I’d think about taking it.’

Guan Shan opens his mouth to argue, and He Tian swears—in frustration, in anger, in bemused disbelief that Guan Shan still won’t back down from the fight when he knows he’s lost. The outcome was pre-determined, and Guan Shan’s still wincing at new bruises and spitting blood onto the tarpaulin of the derelict kitchen. 

He can only stare as He Tian marches forward, and he only thinks to take a step back when He Tian is a few feet from him— In front of him now—  Grabbing his shoulders with two hands—

He Tian’s kissing him. 

He Tian doesn’t wait for Guan Shan’s too-slow reaction. He takes what he wants, pillaging the intimacy, tongue forcing itself between Guan Shan’s lips—and lets him go. Immediately after, He Tian staggers back slightly, narrowly avoiding the fist that swings in his direction. 

Guan Shan heaves. He doesn’t have the energy to try a second time. ‘You—’

‘There,’ He Tian says thickly. ‘File for harrassment. Put my name down in the mud and rebuild yourself from the ashes.’

‘You fuckin’... You...’ Words fail him. His head is reeling.

He Tian lifts his hand as if to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand, but his fingertips linger on his lips. His face is slightly flushed. 

‘I’m giving you power over me.’ 

He says it like an apology.

‘I’d never win,’ Guan Shan chokes out. ‘Me against you in court? I’m nothin’.’

‘I’d agree with your story. If nothing else, I’ll pay out a settlement fee and you can do this whole thing yourself.’

Guan Shan shakes his head. His mouth feels bruised. The worst part is that he’d imagined this before. Different. Better. He’d wanted it. No, the worst part is that he wants it still.

‘Still dirty money,’ he whispers.

‘It doesn’t have to be,’ says He Tian. Guan Shan realises he sounds a little shocked—as if he hadn’t had control over his actions. As if he hadn’t expected its consequences. Guan Shan realises: He Tian hadn’t done this with the others. ‘Make your choice, Mo Guan Shan. You can quit, you can file a claim—or we can carry on and get this thing finished.’

‘Shit,’ Guan Shan breathes, dragging a shaking hand over his face. ‘How the fuck am I gonna just... carry on after you...’

He looks to He Tian, expecting some cool answer, something stemmed from exploitative experience, but He Tian only grimaces and says, ‘The same way I’ll have to.’

///

🌸 in the footsteps of @nightfayre’s wonderful initiative, i’m filling any drabble requests following a donation to causes in support of black lives. please read here if you would like more information! ✨

[howaminotinthestrokesyet]

Where Have They Gone Now: Axl Rose

Born William Bailey originally in Lafayette, Indiana in 1962. His mother was still in high school when she had him, while his juvenile delinquent father was 20 years old. They would divorce when he was two years old, which led his father William Rose abducting him and reportedly molesting the young boy. His mother remarried to a man named Steven Bailey, who was not much better than his birth father. Axl and his siblings were beaten on a regular basis and once again reportedly molested as well. Led by his stepfather, the Rose household was very strict religiously growing up in the Pentecostal faith. He was required to attend church 7 to 8 times a week, and even taught Sunday school on occasion. This seems to be in stark contrast to the Axl Rose we will see later. Axl would comment on his upbringing. “We'd have televisions one week, then my stepdad would throw them out because they were Satanic. I wasn't allowed to listen to music. Women were evil. Everything was evil." Music became a source of solace from an early age as he began singing in the church choir at the age of five. Rose began as a natural baritone, but decided to change his pitch consistently during practice just to anger the teacher. The future Guns N’ Roses lead singer also began to study piano at Jefferson High School, as well as participating in high school musicals. At the age of 17, Axl was going through some insurance papers when he discovered the existence of his biological father. At that time, he unofficially adopted his real father‘s last name of Rose, but told everyone he would not share a first name with him only referring to himself as W. Rose. After this discovery, the young man began to completely act out leading to at least 20 misdemeanor arrests from public intoxication to assault. Lafayette police were trying to charge him as a habitual criminal when he moved to LA in 1982 at the age of 20.

Almost immediately upon arrival, Rose joined the band Rapidfire with guitarist Kevin Lawrence. He had met him just outside the Troubadour in West Hollywood. They recorded a five song demo, but due to legal actions was not released until 2014. The EP was entitled Ready To Rumble. His next band included childhood friend and guitarist Izzy Stradlin, which they named Hollywood Rose. They recorded a demo featuring songs like “Shadow of Your Love,” “Anything Goes,” and “Reckless Life.” These songs would appear on various releases throughout the years including 2004’s, The Roots of Guns N’ Roses. The band would break up just after the hiring of Slash and Steven Adler. The biggest reason for this was that Rose decided to join LA Guns led by guitarist Tracii Guns. As he struggled for musical success, the young Axl continued to work to make any sort of money including night manager of Tower Records and even smoking cigarettes for a scientific study at UCLA with Izzy Stradlin. By 1985, Rose had restarted Hollywood Rose, so this band and LA Guns could merge their members. Guns N’ Roses was finally born, but almost immediately Tracii Guns and two other members left the band. Essentially, Guns N’ Roses became an expanded version of Hollywood Rose rather than any connection to LA Guns. They simply liked the name, so they kept it. Yet, there is absolutely no Guns in the band.

One thing to understand about Rose and his prima donna behavior that eventually led to the disintegration of the band was that every band in Los Angeles wanted him to be their lead singer in the mid-1980s. Axl had a certain buzz about the energy and intensity he brought every night on stage that could not be replicated. He represented the shining star of the Sunset Strip at that time; he could pick any group that was not signed to a record contract. The band would sign with Geffen Records in 1986, but one thing to note was that right before he changed his name officially to W. Axl Rose. The name originated when he was playing in a band called the Axls, so one of his bandmates suggested that he change his name to Axl. Rose thought it was a cool idea and never changed it. As the band began their sudden rise to the top of the music world, people began to realize that Rose was much different than any other singer before him. He began to single people out in the crowd, who were causing problems after two people died at the Monsters of Rock Festival in 1988. Most times previously singers would tell roadies to take care of it without publicly calling out anyone in the crowd. If you listen to their live compilation album, there are a couple of tracks where you can hear him actually doing this. Axl would say this in a 1992 interview. “Most performers would go to a security person in their organization, and it would just be done very quietly. I'll confront the person, stop the song: 'Guess what: You wasted your money, you get to leave.'" Upon the release of their EP Lies, Rose ran into quite a bit of controversy for his use of racial and homophobic slurs in the song, “One in a Million.” His explanation and defense of the use of the terms at the time was he meant it to be a joke about people that are a pain in your ass in your life. If that had occurred in our present times, he would have been canceled immediately. In 1992, the singer tried to explain the use of the lyrics once again relating some personal experiences he had with blacks and gays that had formed this negative connotation in his mind. For all the controversy, the group was dropped from a 1992 AIDS benefit show. By 1989, most rock writers had begun to see him as one of the top frontmen in rock and roll at the time. Rolling Stone had such respect for him as a singer that they allowed him to use his personal photographer for their story on him, instead of someone on their staff. During the recording of Use Your Illusion, Rose began to impose his will upon the band in a variety of ways. He forced the band to accept his friend Dizzy Reed as a keyboardist. Axl then wanted to fire their longtime manager Alan Nevin, which the band had to go along with because the singer threatened to not perform on the album if he was allowed to stay.

The Use Your Illusion tour began in May 1991 highlighted by concerts that started hours late, rants of his on stage, and even a riot in St. Louis. He tried to jump into the crowd during that show to take away a fan’s video camera, so after he got back on stage Rose quit the concert. Upon seeing an empty stage, the 25,000 people there started a riot. The damage bill came out to be just around $200,000. The friendships between the band members and Rose were gradually imploding throughout the tour. At one point, Axl demanded and received legal ownership of the Guns N’ Roses brand name. He had supposedly issued an ultimatum either give me legal ownership or I will not perform. Axl would later deny these reports saying the contract would not have been legally binding if he had done such a thing. Who knows what the truth is when it comes to this band sometimes? The singer helped to start another riot in Montreal at a concert co-headlined by Metallica. The heavy metal band had their concert cut short because pyrotechnics severely burned lead singer James Hetfield. Once again, Rose was nowhere near the venue to go on early coming on stage very late. The group needed to do an extensive set to make up for the short one by Metallica, but Rose cut his set short claiming voice problems. Once again, the fans rioted leading to some extensive fines directed towards the singer by Canadian authorities.

In 1994, the band released the covers album The Spaghetti Incident, which included a hidden track originally written by Charles Manson. Axl had intended the song to be a message to his ex-girlfriend Stephanie Seymour. The controversy that followed this song meant that the band needed to donate money for the son of one of the victims of those murders. In 1994, Rose also decided to terminate guitarist Gilby Clarke as a member of the band without consulting any of the other members. This decision was made so that Axl could bring in the controversial guitar replacement, Paul Tobias, which eventually led to Slash leaving the band. By 1997, the only original member of Guns N’ Roses was one Axl Rose. He had started to fade from any public view becoming essentially a rock and roll hermit. The media had dubbed him either Rock and Roll’s Greatest Recluse or the Howard Hughes of Rock and Roll. By the late 1990’s, rumors began to spread that Rose was forming a new lineup of Guns N’ Roses for an album entitled Chinese Democracy.

The absolute insanity that was Chinese Democracy took place from 2001 to 2011. The album would be officially released in 2008, but not after several starts and stops over and over again. A tour of the new album had been scheduled from 2001 to 2002, but almost all of the shows were either cut short or canceled because Rose was either a no-show or would quit very quickly. Finally, in 2006 and 2007, he actually toured as Guns N’ Roses promising new music. The concert offered very little in Chinese Democracy, but only concentrated on their hit songs. Around this time, he had changed his hair into cornrows, which got a laugh from music fans everywhere. One should note that Izzy Stradlin actually made a few guest appearances during that tour. Fans had hoped that a reunion collaboration might occur, but there was no such luck. Upon the release of Chinese Democracy, the singer did everything he could to sabotage any possible success the album might have overall. He refused to promote the album, would not return phone calls, or give interviews for three months after the release of the album. By the time he actually did say something about the album, the reclusive Rose complained that Interscope Records did not help them very much in promoting the album. In 2009, Axl and GNR went on a 2 1/2 year long tour, which included a headlining appearance at Rock in Rio 4. Around that time, he was sued by former band manager Irving Azhoff for $1.87 million. Of course, Axl countersued him claiming that he was forced to do a reunion tour because Azhoff had completely mismanaged the release, promotion, and tour of Chinese Democracy. In 2010, he sued Activision for their game Guitar Hero. Axl claimed that he had an oral agreement with the company that if “Welcome to the Jungle” was allowed on the game, then Slash nor any Velvet Revolver would not be included in any release of it. Not only was Slash���s music included in the game, but he ended up on the cover. A judge threw out the lawsuit in 2013 saying that Rose could not prove the oral agreement and the statute of limitations had run out anyway. In 2012, the Guns N’ Roses singer was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, but he declined to appear. In an open letter published on the Internet, Rose stated that due to the tensions between his former bandmates, he did not want to be where he was not wanted or respected. Yet, slowly but surely Guns N’ Roses began to tour with some of the original members culminating with the inclusion of Slash in 2016.

[adabassist]

SKATING AWAY ON THE FRETLINES OF A NEW DAY

I expect that there’s not a single electric bassist out there who can’t remember the first time they got to play a fretless bass. The difference in the sonic, visual, tactile, even the emotional experience - it leaves an impression on almost every player, whether they pursue the instrument or not. It’s really as close to the human voice as a bass is gonna get. It’s a truly seductive instrument; it’s even downright sexy. If Kathleen Turner played bass, I’d bet you a dollar she’d play a fretless.

The passion I developed for this instrument consumed me; once I discovered the fretless bass, fretted basses became boring, limiting, and they just felt plain weird. I had a fretless with me everywhere I went, every gig, every studio date, every rehearsal, every trip out of town. I even took it on dates; hey, you never know, right?

My introduction to the instrument was anything but unique: my high school band teacher suggested that I get an album called Heavy Weather by a jazz fusion band called Weather Report. Upon hearing the opening track, “Birdland”, I immediately recognized the sound I was hearing as a bass, but it sounded like what that bassist was doing was impossible! As far as I knew, without a whammy bar, there was no way to make those harmonic notes move and slide like that… so I brought the cassette to my teacher and played the intro for him, and asked him how they were doing that… he said, “Well, isn’t Jaco Pastorius the king of the fretless bass?”

I said, “King of the what? And who’s Jaco?”

What followed was a desperate attempt to get my hands on a fretless, even just to try it; none of the music stores around had them (living in a flyover state with the nearest metropolis over an hour away has its disadvantages), nobody I knew had one or even knew anybody else who had one, and when I finally found an upstart guitar company who made a stock affordable fretless, my folks wouldn’t get it for me because, not being terribly musically inclined, they couldn’t understand why I would need a 2nd bass.

At this point my teacher moved away, and I found a new teacher at the music store the next town over. And HE happened to have a fretless bass, and he let me borrow it that summer while he was on vacation. He dropped it off on his way out of town, pretty close to midnight. I took it down into the basement and pulled it out and was all set to plug it in when I heard, “DON’T TURN THAT AMPLIFIER ON, YOUR SISTER IS SLEEPING!”

Jeez, not anymore I bet, Mom. “Okay, okay, I won’t turn it on…”

But there I sat, on my barstool in the basement, bass strapped over my shoulder, just plucking the strings and sliding my fingers up and down the fingerboard. For a good half an hour. If I had smoked, I would have needed a cigarette afterwards. (I told you it was sexy.)

The next morning I realized how amazingly difficult it was to play that bass in tune. No lines, hardly any useful reference points. Very difficult to figure out where I was on the bass. But the tone it created, and my desire to make more tones like that, superseded any concern about how much practice this was going to take. I finally got my very own fretless - a Rickenbacker 4001 - and really began concentrating on mastering it (much to the detriment of my grades in school).

One of my favorite things about the fretless bass is that the tone really lends itself to lyrical melodies. The instrument takes on qualities of the human voice in the middle to upper registers. And I found myself learning horn parts to jazz tunes as well as more traditional bass lines like those from my favorite rock bands, which ended up serving me really well down the road.

Another favorite thing is the fact that many fretless basses used to be fretted basses, and the slots leftover from said frets being removed usually get filled in with material of a contrasting color to the surrounding wood. These are known as “fret lines”, and if used correctly, they can greatly enhance one’s ability to play notes in tune. They are also the subject of great controversy among we bass nerds, as there are those who feel it’s “cheating” somehow. For my money, I’m on Team Fretlines.

So I practiced and practiced, and even went to music school for a year after high school, and came home and kept practicing. One thing led to another, and less than a year after I returned, I found myself auditioning for a band in the area that had already been signed to a small local record label, and was getting some pretty big gigs around the country, and needed a true fretless bassist, as opposed to a bassist who trots out a fretless as a novelty on stage for one song. Unbelievably, I landed the gig. Of course the REAL work was just beginning, but I was blessed with a really fast and accurate ear, and they decided to give me a shot.

I soon realized how green I really was compared to true professional musicians, and I had to make a concerted effort to keep up, but after a lot of hard work, not only did I learn to behave as a pro, but I really sharpened my ear and its relationship to my fingers… I was developing the ability to create a phrase in my head, and play it on my first attempt. (This is a big deal for musicians; imagine not being able to say much to anyone unless you practice it over and over, and you’ll have an idea of how most musicians approach music.)

Several years later (same band), I get a call from my keyboard player, who wants me to come in to the band studio the next morning before rehearsal (we recorded at one band member’s house, and practiced at another’s in the same neighborhood) so I can put down a bass melody for a demo of a song he’s writing for the next album.

I show up with my bass at 8am (yeech!), and we start discussing the song: “I need you to double that melody with the cheesy synth-sax sound. The song goes through the same chord progression 3 times, and the melody occurs during the 1st and the 3rd pass.”

“Got it. What happens during the 2nd pass? Should I just take a solo over the chords?”

“No, I’m going to have my sax player friend replace the synth melody, and he’s going to do a solo, so just leave it empty.”

Plugged in, got signal and levels. I was taught the melody - beautiful, and not too complicated. Cool little chord progression with a twist. He hit the record button, and I played the melody I had just learned along with the track.

As I played the final note, preparing to rest for the next 32 bars, he dropped a bomb in my lap: “Why don’t you just throw down a solo here anyway.”

This was exactly ZERO WARNING, for a song I had heard for the first time about 10 minutes prior. It’s like being thrown an enormous water balloon at 94 mph and being expected to catch it.

That’s when my brain became my best friend.

My ears said to my brain: here’s what should come next. tell the fingers to make this happen…

My brain said: i can do that! fingers, do this, this, and this, and then this.

And the phrase I thought would sound great instantly came out of the studio speakers.

I didn’t have time to be shocked; my ears were ready for the next phrase, giving orders to my brain, which meted them out. This happened at least a dozen times in a row, right up until the melody was supposed to re-enter. And my ears, having connected a long series of invisible dots over the last 60 seconds or so, even properly glued the last phrase to the beginning of the melody. It was like a factory assembly line: my frontal cortex had an idea, my ears refined it and made sure it fit the chords, the frontal cortex figured out where those notes had to be on the fingerboard, the motor cortex took those plans and sent the signals down to my fingers. And each set of “orders” took less time than the blink of an eye.

I peeked up after I got to the “safe zone” of the out melody (which I already knew), and my keyboard player’s jaw was on his chest. I had to remind myself to concentrate; after all, I was still recording.

When I finished, he hit the stop button, turned to me, and said, “How did you do THAT??”

I didn’t quite understand, so he rewound the tape and played back what I had just recorded.

And I was treated to a sonic representation of the way my brain and ears operate when they’re in top form. I had no memory of playing the actual solo (and I still don’t); it was a true transcendental experience. Yet, as I listened back to the track, I KNEW every note I was about to hear as if I had been waiting my entire life to play that solo. It was like a perfectly written story that practically told itself. 25 years later and I still know it by heart; haven’t thought of a single thing I’d do different. It was a complete stream-of-consciousness expression, in fretless bass solo form. I’ve never had another experience like it since.

We both kind of sat there for a few seconds after the song ended, and he finally said, “I don’t care what anyone else says; for my money, this song’s done. Let’s show this to the band at rehearsal.”

So we took it along and played it for everyone else. Everyone loved it, but the bandleader said, “I know that was an amazing solo, but there’s already too much fretless on the upcoming record. I think the solo should be sax instead. I hope you understand.”

And I did understand, even if it was a bit of a bummer. Oh well, at least I had a copy of my solo on cassette tape for posterity.

Sax player showed up a few days later, on a day when I wasn’t there, to play the melody and do a solo, but there was a problem - he had been sent the same demo tape that I had, with my solo on it, and it was influencing his improv in a way that didn’t really suit the sax. He finally said, “I need to skip the solo. The melody is fine, no problem, but I keep veering off course during the solo because I hear the bass solo in my head so strongly.”

So the bandleader calls me and tells me what happened, and that he’s decided that HE will play an electric jazz guitar solo over the chord changes (he did this regularly in the group, and to great effect). Okay, great. Curious as to what I’ll hear in two days when it’s done.

Two days later I get another phone call: “I can’t do it. I keep playing stuff that works great on the guitar, and it fits the changes nicely, but the phrases just sound disconnected, I keep hearing your solo in my head, and I can’t seem to fix it. Would you mind if I transcribed your fretless solo and played it on the jazz guitar?”

“Feel free, it’d be an honor,” I said. Good thing FaceTime wasn’t a thing back then, because I’m sure I was smirking.

The next day I arrived at the studio to record another song for the new record, where I find the bandleader standing outside shaking his head.

“Did you finish the solo? How’d it go?”

“Yep. And I hate it.”

“What happened?”

“I spent over an hour last night transcribing your part. And I just spent another hour recording it. You know what it sounds like?”

I had an answer ready, but I wasn’t about to say it out loud if I didn’t have to. I figured I’d let him say it instead, which he did:

“It sounds like a bunch of great fretless bass licks, played on the wrong instrument. I think we should just use your original bass solo.”

Now that’s taking the long way around to come to the right decision.

When I look back on that moment, I find it amazing that I don’t remember coming up with the phrases, and I certainly don’t remember anything happening that pulled me out of that “mode” I was in; the solo all but wrote itself, and I was simply the conduit. But I remember my bandmate’s reaction.

Since then, I have tried to conjure that mojo dozens of times, with varying degrees of success, but never quite to that level. But it showed me what was possible within the realm of performance. All those scales and exercises and hours upon hours of practice were paid off in that one instance of musical epiphany and pure expression. It was enough to ensure I’ll die a happy man.

[kpopficsincorporated]

(NK) New Kid

Pairings: Bang Chan x reader, Jimin x reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Romance

Words: 1799

best friend!Chan, best friend!Jackson

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a/n: woah, I completely deleted what I had planned for ch. 5, and so I had to change a few things in ch. 4 before I could upload it. I know it’s been a long time, but school has been demanding so much. and now that we’re online, it’s so much worse. I’ve never had so much busy work. But, here is ch 4. I hope you guys like it. I also added in that Jackson is Y/N best friend, because it’s pretty obvious after the last chapter :) -admin Sam

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Prologue, Ch.1, Ch.2, Ch.3, Ch.4, Ch.5 , Ch. 6

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Chapter 4

Jungkook had left to pick up dinner for the three of you as you were almost finished for the night. Yoongi was working at the computer, the sounds of clicks and clacks all that you could hear in the room. You had decided to lay down on the couch to rest for a second, holding your phone above your face.

And you should have known it would happen. You dropped your phone right on your bottom lip, letting out a yelp as you quickly sat up, giggling to yourself.

“Are you okay?” He asked, only turning his chair around when you didn’t answer, not able to stop yourself from giggling. He raised an eyebrow in your direction, his face completely serious. You stiffened.

“I dropped my phone on my face, I’m fine,” you sobered up as best you could. Yoongi breathed a laugh, and you could see his gums when he smiled.  

You immediately relaxed. “So, how much more do we have to do?”

He turned back around to the computer “You guys are both really fast when it comes to recording. We really just have to do the harmonies and background. I’m really impressed with you, Y/N, considering you haven’t really recorded a lot.”

“Well, that’s not entirely true,” you paused as he gave you his full attention again. “I pre-record a lot of demo tracks for some of the JYP artists. Ever since I signed the contract at JYP, I’ve been doing a lot of underground work.”

“Have you considered working outside of JYP? I’d be honored if you’d sing for a couple of my songs I’m working on. Maybe a solo debut?” he asked, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees.

“I don’t think I’m really ready for that,” you answered timidly.

“What do you mean?” he rolled his chair closer to the couch. You weren’t sure if you wanted to be as openly honest as you would usually be with Jackson or Chan, but there was something about Yoongi that made you want to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You let out a sigh in resignation.

“Okay, so here’s an extremely hypothetical scenario. Please don’t be offended.” He nodded, indicating for you to continue. “Hidden female artist suddenly makes a song with a male member of an extremely popular idol group. It’s not a song that gets any real income, but it would bring in a lot of clout. People seem pretty okay with it, they’re okay with the collaboration for now. But then, hidden female artist gets solo debut produced by another male member of the same extremely popular boy group. People really start to pay attention, they start rumors. ‘She must have paid someone,’ ‘she’s just in it for the money,’ ‘she’s got to be sleeping with one of them,’ or worse ‘she’s sleeping with both of them or all of them.’ Both the images of the female artist and the entire male idol group are brought down and dragged through the mud,” You took a deep breath, pausing before you continued. “I couldn’t do that to you guys. You guys are making waves, and not just on a musical level. You guys are doing great things, and you’re helping a lot of people. You need good attention, not bad attention, and I think I’d only give you bad attention.”

Yoongi was studying you now, and you averted your eyes to your lap. The room felt suffocating. He was looking at you too hard and you didn’t like the feeling of being under a microscope. “And I mean, I want to finish school  for right now, anyway. I’m good with staying in the background.”

At that moment, Jungkook burst in with food and the suffocating atmosphere diminished with his arrival and the presence of something to eat.

“Chan told me you really like anything chicken as long as it isn’t spicy.” He sat stir-fried chicken and veggies in front of you along with rice, moving along to hand Yoongi his food.

“You asked Chan what I wanted to eat?” You couldn’t believe it. Well, they had become closer friends since they met, and they were the same age as well. Okay, you could definitely believe it.

But you were also incredibly touched by Jungkook’s kindness. He took into consideration what you liked to eat and the fact that you couldn’t have spicy food.

“Well, yeah. How else was I supposed to feed you?”

“I would have eaten anything you’d given me, Jungkook, but thank you. So much,” you stood up, hugging the boy without even thinking.

When you pulled away, you realized what you’d done. “I’m so sorry Jungkook!” You realized a second too late. “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I did it without even thinking!”

Jungkook laughed a little, smiling at your cute reaction. “It’s okay Y/N. I know how you are. I’ve seen it enough with both Jackson and Chan. You’re okay.”

You released a huge sigh of relief, flopping back down on the couch.

Yoongi played back the progress while you ate and you put in your two cents about what harmonies where would sound the best. Jungkook really liked your ideas and put his finished food down.

“Jungkook, I want you to add one lower harmony for now on the chorus, and I’ll add only one upper. We’ll check the depth of the result and see if we should add more.”

“I’ve never really heard it explained like that before,” Jungkook laughed at your words.

You laughed his comment off, not wanting to think about if he were making fun of you or not. “Yeah, yeah, now let’s start working.”

He nodded, smiling in excitement as he did as you instructed.

--

“I can’t believe we almost finished the song in one night,” Jungkook sighed in satisfaction. He had a lot more energy than you did at the moment. You couldn’t remember the last time you stayed up this late.

“I’m sure there are a lot of things that need to be fixed. I think I might want to re-record my part,” you sighed sleepily as you checked the time on your phone. It was well past midnight, getting close to dawn. You had texted your manager earlier, telling her that you’d be done soon. Hopefully she was close by now.

“Thanks for working with me, Y/N.”

Your soft smile easily graced your face. “Of course.”

Your phone beeped, signaling that your manager was waiting for you downstairs. You started taking off the hoodie that Jungkook had given you earlier (it had gotten cold in the studio and you had been freezing – you still were), when he stopped you.

“Keep it for now, it’s gotten cooler outside. Here, let me walk you down,” he offered. You nodded in agreement and thanks. Before you stood, you flipped the hood up. The hoodie was huge and you were warm and snuggly.

You stumbled a little towards the door, your tiredness crashing into you all at once, causing both guys to chuckle. Jungkook grabbed your arm and looped it through his. “I got you, Y/N.”

“Thanks, Kook,” you sleepily called him the nickname that BamBam used on occasion on accident, but Jungkook didn’t seem to mind as he didn’t call you out on it.

He led you to the elevator and tried to keep you steady on the ride down. You were falling asleep while standing up, and this only happens when you have really lacked sleep. You had skipped your crackhead/delirious stage, as you were working really hard on the song, and went straight to your ‘I’m about to pass out, where’s the bed’? stage.

“How about I just carry you the rest of the way?” he chuckled. You were currently slumped against the elevator wall, eyes closed.

You let out a whine. “But I’m fat,” you mumbled. At that exact moment, you stumbled and if Jungkook had not caught you, you would have been sprawled out on the floor, snoring.

“Oh well,” he said as he turned his back you, forcing you to jump on by grabbing your arms and tugging.

“Thank you, Kook. I mean, thank you for being my friend. You’re my friend, right?” You mumbled as you laid your head on his shoulder, your eyes staying closed. He walked out of the elevator and towards the door to the parking garage.

“Yes, I’m your friend.” You could feel his laughter shaking his shoulders.

“You promise?” You liked Jungkook. He was a really good guy, and you wanted your friendship to last past the making of the song. He wormed his way into your life. You had thought you would just work on the song, and you would live your life thinking ‘wow, I’ve met BTS Jungkook and we did a song together!’ but you realized that he was human. He was a person, a good person, and he lived his life similar to how you lived yours. You wanted to be his friend now, a real friend, someone he could lean on if he needed it.

Idols go through much more than people thought, and you’d seen it firsthand with Chan and Jackson. They came to you with their problems, just like you went to them with yours. You wanted to be that kind of friend to Jungkook. He probably doesn’t need you, but you still wanted to be there just in case.

“Yes, I promise, Y/N.” He opened the door, walking to the van where your manager waved him over from the drivers seat. She slipped her mask back up and got out, opening the back door for Jungkook to sit you down, but you didn’t make it to the seat. You crawling onto the van’s floor and curled into a ball, dragging your stuffed animal down from the seat to be your pillow. Mimi laughed, throwing a blanket from the seat over you.

“Wait, let me take a pic and send it to Chan,” he laughed as well.

“Send it to Jackson, too!” you yelled, curling further into yourself. You maneuvered the blank to cocoon you, causing both Mimi and Jungkook to giggle like children.

“I hope you sleep well, Y/N,” Jungkook said as he waved goodbye. You popped a hand up, waving haphazardly back and proceeded to close your eyes and drift off.

-

Mimi dropped you off close to your college, asking that you text her once you are safely in your dorm. When you got to your dorm building, students were leaving to get to their first class, but you had a clear day. As soon as you were in your room, you sent out texts to Jungkook, Mimi, and, of course, Chan, before throwing yourself into your bed and shutting out the world.

[skullsgonehelterskullter]

The Onceler’s Real Reasons For Chopping Down the Trees!

The Onceler’s Real Motivation for Cutting Down the Trees!

Hello. My name is Triniti and I speak for the Onceler. Before we get started today, I’d like to teach you a few terms that I’ll be using in this essay. 

Most of you have probably heard of emotional abuse before. It’s something I’ve suffered through and something the Onceler has suffered through. Emotional Abuse is any abusive behavior that isn’t physical, which may include verbal aggression, intimidation, manipulation, and humiliation, which most often unfolds as a pattern of behavior over time that aims to diminish another person’s sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth, and which often results in anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts or behaviors, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). 

Well, that’s quite a lot to take in, isn’t it? So let me tell you a few things that emotional abuse can present itself as: Intimidation, Manipulation, Refusal to ever be pleased, Shaming, Name-calling, Insults, Sarcasm, Silent treatment, Trivializing, Sabotage, Gaslighting, Scapegoating, Blame-shifting, Ranking and comparing, Unpredictable inconsistency, Threatening harm, and that’s not at all, but that’s not all this essay is about and I’m probably boring you. 

One last term we should cover is gaslighting. This is an important one as I use it in this essay quite a bit. Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. They tell blatant lies; they deny they ever said something; even though you have proof; they use what is near and dear to you as ammunition; they throw in positive reinforcement to confuse you. 

So, why was all of that important? You’re just here for more Onceler content, right? Well, all of this has happened to our dear Oncie. My thesis? Emotional abuse was a bigger motivator for the Onceler than corporate greed. 

The Onceler’s Family Life.

So, where could the emotional abuse in the Onceler’s life have come from? Simple answer, his family. When we first meet them it sounds like his mom is trying to be supportive and then she laughs his dreams off. “Yes, but just remember, Onesie, if some-how your invention ends up a failure instead of a success, oh it wouldn’t surprise me at all!” After she says this, the rest of the family joins in the laughing. A few things can be drawn from this conclusion. 

One, she seems to do this quite often throughout the film and probably his past. This can take a heavy toll on his mental health as I’ll explain later. 

Two, she seems to be the ring leader of the abuse because the others never join in unless she starts it. It’s better to make fun of someone else than to be ridiculed yourself right? It’s a come self-defense mechanism. Three, the other people in the family probably suffer to some of the same extent of abuse she places on him. Hence why they jump on the chance for the Onceler to be the victim.

From the line, “Nice wheels! *Punch* Burn!” we can learn that he’s probably been subjected to physical abuse too as he flinches before and after he’s punched. He lunches a lot around his family and they hit him quite a few times in this film. This can pair with the emotional abuse and cause him to be overly cautious around other people. 

Another thing I’d like to point out is his weight. Obviously there’s nothing wrong with him. But have you seen his family? Why is he so skinny compared to them? Do they feed him enough? Not supplying basic needs is a form of abuse too. This one can’t be confirmed but it is something I noticed. 

“Ha..ha.. Yea, Burn! But you’ll see, okay? I’m going to prove you all wrong!” Right after this line, the old Onceler says he had a completely irrational sense of optimism. Why? Because a lot of his drive came from trying to prove himself worthy and to make his family proud. Yes, he did want to change the world for the better, but when he has these negative feelings surrounding him, he’s going to do nothing but drown in his fear of being the failure his family has always told him he was. When you’ve been emotionally abused you always tend to look at the negative side first because that’s all you’ve ever been told. (You can see a little bit of this in the demo song The Onceler’s Travelling Madness.)

Another, smaller, instance is when he makes his first thneed. He says, “Now there’s a thneed! Nothing unmanly about knitting. No, sir.” Why would he say this unless his family had repeatedly drilled that into his head in order to discourage him from pursuing his dreams?

One more small one is when the Lorax first appears and asks why the Onceler didn’t notie the thunder and lightning. People who live in abusive households get used to chaos very quickly and tend to overlook big and small traumitic events. It’s very possible he didn’t even realize loud noises were going on because he’s so used to them happening around him all the time.

The next bigger point is when he finally makes it big. The first person he calls is his mother. He’s feeling really great about himself because they were wrong! He can amount to something and he can be a success! “Mom? Hey, it’s me! I told you I was going to be a success! You need to bring the whole family here right now. We’re going to be rich!” The only reason his family comes to his aid is because of the money he promises them. We know this because they leave the moment he stops making money. I’ll touch more on this later. 

When they arrive in the forest, she runs out of the van singing his praises. “There’s my suddenly successful son! We always knew you’d be a success!” She then uses a hug and kisses to praise him and give him affection, which if you remember is a sign of gaslighting. She’s using affection to ‘prove’ that she loves him. 

“But you always said I wouldn’t amount ot anything, remember?” -Onceler. Here you can see that he is desperately trying to get his mother to remember just how badly she treated him. You can hear the hurt in the inflection of his voice. ‘Don’t you remember how you hurt me?’

“Oh, you hush your mouth. I was just trying to motivate you.”-Mother. She’s gaslighting him here. ‘What? No, I never did that. You’re crazy. I loved you this whole time!’

“I’m really glad that you clarified that because it actually hurt my feelings for a really long time.”-Onceler. She never acknowledges this and lets him continue the conversation. He doesn’t get an apology or closure until the end. After he finishes, you can see him flinch when she starts yelling at the other two to set up the RV. 

Yelling is also a sign of emotional abuse. It scares and intimidates people into submission. You know that whole joke about if you shout loud enough at a grizzly you can assert your dominance and it will leave you alone? Same thing with yelling and emotional abuse. You can get anyone to do anything if you make them feel inferior enough. Hence the Onceler and his Mother.

The Onceler vs The Lorax.

Let’s take a break from that so you can absorb it. Take some breaths and think about it for a moment. 

So, who is the Onceler exactly? Well we know he wants to do something incredible and change the world for the better. “Bout to make a thneed, bout to change the world.” He likes music and is really good at playing the guitar.  He likes to play card games. He’s very imaginative and creative. He’s a great problem solver (when his family isn’t around). He thinks nature is really pretty. “Woah! This is the most beautiful place I’ve ever seen!” 

He’s also very respectful of nature in the beginning. When he sets up his cottage, he sets it up in a place free of trees and other landmarks. His family goes too far as to harm the animals and the trees when they set up the RV. They throw bears around and Onceler reaches out to protect pipsqueak at his own expense when they are being saved from the river. He never intended to do any harm to the forest of its occupants in the beginning even though he did so by being a bit reckless. He even cooks them pancakes!

So, then why does he keep threatening the forest when the Lorax tells him to stop? I believe it’s because the Lorax reminds him of his mother. The Lorax also uses shaming and gaslighting to try and get the Onceler to do what he wants. For example;

“Hey! Did you chop down this tree?” Right off the bat, the Lorax starts with an accusatory statement. He knows that the Onceler chopped down the tree. It’s like a mother asking her three-year-old if he got into the cookie jar when he’s holding a cookie. He clearly knows that he did, in fact, chop down this tree but now Onceler is being faced with impending disappointment coming from another figure. A common reaction to abuse is to try and immediately escalate the situation and to keep out of trouble so you’re not yelled at or hit.

“Uhhh...no? Who did it? *Gasp* What’s that? I think he did it!” Hence this line. And here comes the inevitable yelling that he was trying to stop.

“Leave! Vacate the premise. Take your ax and get out!”

*Tries to placate the Lorax by giving him the peace offering of a marshmallow* This action shows that he wants to stop the yelling and hopefully make things right. But how can he offer an apology when he’s never been taught how? His whole life presents meant everything was okay now. Hence the marshmallow.

*Lorax start kicking the pegs holding his house up*

“Whoa! Wait! Hey, Mustache! Will you stop that? What’s your deal, man?” He doesn’t start calling names until he’s tried to peacefully ask him to stop first. He’s learned this from his family and does this towards the Lorax a few times in the film. But never towards anyone who didn’t cause him harm first. (It’s still an emotional abuse tactic though.)

“Whoa! Stop right there!”- Lorax

*Immediately stops and takes several steps back*-Onceler

“So, you would hammer one of nature’s innocent creatures?”- Lorax

*Shock and hurt* “What? No! I would never hit this little guy! You, on the other hand, I would gladly pound you and your mustache into the ground!” He is aggressive now because all his other defense mechanisms have not worked to get his aggressor to stop. But this next part is the important part. 

“Behold! The intruder and his violent ways. Shame on you. For shame.” *All the other forest creatures start shaking their heads in disappointment* Who does this remind you of? The Onceler’s mother. She did this same thing with his family when he was leaving. The Lorax has shamed him for doing what he thought was a good thing and turned everyone against him. Feeling alone and isolated is a very scary thing, especially when everyone is targetting you. The Onceler has a lot of experience being on this end and never being able to stand up for himself. So, he turns to anger and ‘justifies’ his actions so people will stop targetting him and shaming him.

“All right, you know what? That’s it. You listen here, you furry meatloaf. I’m going to chop down as many trees as I need. Okay? Newsflash! Not going anywhere. End of story!”

After this, the Onceler and the Lorax reach an agreement of not chopping down the trees when Onceler sees just what kind of effect he could have on his new friends and doesn’t want to cause them any harm. But the Lorax keeps bringing up his mistake.

“You chopped down one of my trees to make that piece of garbage?” He is once again imitating the mother by putting the Onceler down and insulting something precious to him. The Oncelere’s face falls and he holds his thneed close to him as if to protect it. When you constantly bring up someone’s mistakes, it makes them feel worse and worse about themselves and prevents them from moving on and bettering themselves. This creates a cycle of self-hatred that’s hard to break out of. The Onceler has experienced this from his family and from the Lorax. After he destroys the entires forest, he also experiences it from himself as he shuts himself in isolation and refuses to move past his mistakes.

The Family influence on his decisions.

Alright, the part we all really wanted to get to. We have seen that the Onceler is not a greedy person. So, why does he keep chopping down trees to make more money and keep biggering his company? Because his abusive family manipulates him into it and it’s hard for him to break that cycle. He fully intended to keep his promise on not chopping down trees and devised another system to gather the tusks from the trees. 

When does he start chopping down the trees?

When his mother tells him to. Breaking his promise didn’t even cross his mind until his mother suggested it and here’s your proof.

Once-ler: I mean, look at this. It's amazing. I am so proud of me.

Once-ler's Mom: Oncie, we've got us a little problem.

Once-ler:  Problem?

Once-ler's Mom: Mmm-hmm. See, we're not making Thneeds fast enough.

Once-ler’s Dad: Harvesting the tufts takes too long!

Once-ler: Well, what else can we do? (Didn’t mention chopping down the trees at all. What can he do? He can’t cut them and he has to find a faster way to harvest them. )

Once-ler's Mom: Well, and this just came to me, we could always start chopping down the trees. (Oh, can he?)

Once-ler: What? (What? No, I can’t. I promised.)

Now you're thinking.

That would speed things up!

Once-ler: But… (But I promised!)

Once-ler's Mom: No buts, Oncie. You're running a business now. You have to do what's best for the company and your momma.

Once-ler: Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to chop down a few trees. (Well, I guess if it’s to keep my mom happy and they’re proud of me, how bad can it be if everyone is happy?)

Once-ler's Mom: You've made me so proud, Oncie. Come here!

And here it is. The moment you choose to please an abuser is the moment you lose everything. And what happens after? Exactly. 

One more thing I’d like to put in here is that pride also has something to do with it. He’s proud that he overcame adversity and made it big. He’s proud that he’s helping people. He’s proud that his family finally likes him. He’s glad he made his family proud! “Look at this! I’m so proud of me.” “You’ve made me so proud!” “Something good finally happens to me!” “This is all so gratifying! (Because I’m so proud of all that I’ve accomplished and All I’ve built and all I’ve collected!)”

His regret.

After this, his family starts pushing the Lorax and all his forest friends away so that he has no other information or support system so he can only keep making his decisions based on what makes them happy and what fuels his pride. 

“I’ve done nothing illegal! I have my rights!” Are these his thoughts or his family trying to keep his guilt in check so he doesn’t compromise their money income? Just saying. 

“The last tree. That might stop you.” You can see the guilt hit the Onceler really fast and he desperately tries to win the animals back as he realizes just how bad his actions really were. FOr the first time in his life he doesn’t receive any backlash for a mistake

 the animals don’t fight him and the Lorax doesn’t tell him how wrong he was. He just sits in the knowledge that he was wrong. “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.” 

The guilt hits him hard and he spends the rest of his life wallowing in his mistake. Not to mention all his efforts were for naught as his family leaves him, slamming him with more disappointment. “You have let me down. Bret! You are now my favorite child!” He tried so hard but they never cared about him and all his mistakes and choices were made in vain because you can’t please abusers. He had to be hurting really really badly after that.

I firmly believe he’s still a good person because I can see just how much he regretted his mistake. In my opinion, O’Hare represents corporate greed much more than the Onceler does because he doesn’t regret any of his actions and he purposely keeps the environment bad and making more smog and making more plastic to keep the people paying him and getting more money. He does all that on purpose. 

The Onceler? He made mistakes and he was manipulated. It doesn’t excuse his actions and he does hold accountability because abuse isn’t an excuse. But it was emotional abuse, not corporate greed and that’s my point. Thanks for coming to my essay. Have a lovely day!

[writingonjorvik]

Can We Discuss the New Youtube COPPA Guidelines And How It Could Kill SSO?

You know the worst part of that title? It’s not even hyperbolic. 

I’m not putting this under a read more because this is important for everyone to read. This will directly affect SSO’s community on a massive scale and we need to talk about it.

(Nov 24th Edit: Read the most recent reblog for updates)

If you hadn’t seen, Youtube was recently sued by the FTC over violations of COPPA. As a result, they’re now adding new guidelines to their website that requires all videos to be marked either kid friendly or not. Which sounds like an ok thing to do, right? We want to protect kids on the internet. But the problem lies in how it’s being enforced and the absolute lack of details given on what being “content for kids” even means. Worse, failing to oblige comes with serious monetary fines.

While Youtube is saying they will respect creators saying their content is or isn’t for kids, they’re also about to introduce a number of bots to sweep Youtube for “incorrectly” marked content on a regular basis starting in 2020. And failing to “correctly” mark your content as kid friendly, according to Youtube’s bots, can come with fines of $42,000 USD per video, removal of the video(s) in question, and even full termination of your account.

But I hear you say, just mark your content correctly. Therein lies the problem. Youtube has not clarified what quantifies “kid content,” and the outline of criteria they’ve given varies from suggesting that it’s “kid oriented” to “kid appealing.” So the types of videos that are “kid content” isn’t even content that’s exclusively made for kids, it’s any content that’s made that might appeal to kids. And the number of ways it can be categorized under Youtube’s system ranges from using brightly colored characters and footage, to using slang in any VO or text in the video.

This is where it will hit SSO.

SSO is undoubtably “kid content.” It’s a kids’ game, that’s their prime demo. And as a kids’ game, it behooves SSO to make content that is friendly for all ages. But that means that any content made about SSO is most likely, if not unilaterally, going to be flagged as “kid content.” And a lot, if not most of, SSO’s community is on Youtube in some capacity, providing the game its biggest and best network of advertisements.

For adult SSO creators like myself, I can either mark my content correctly and hope that the bot realizes that my SSO content is aimed at a general audience to an adult audience with things like The Lucky Six having young adults having sex and stealing their pin-ups in the first episode, as well as my Writing On Jorvik series being for a general to older audience about indepth game discussion, or I can mark it as “kid content.” Morally, to me, the right thing is to mark it correctly, it’s not for kids. But I don’t have $42,000 USD per video if the bot does tag my content, nor do I have the money to consult a lawyer as Youtube would suggest I do. Which means I either have to move platforms or stop creating this content all together, or do the immoral thing and incorrectly mark my content so that I’m not fined to death.

Now I’m not the whole SSO community. But for the rest of the SSO community, who are likely going to be marked as “kid content,” it means the end of the actual community part of their platforms as well. All of those Youtubers, to include SSO’s main channel, will lose likes and dislikes, their comment section, and their community functions. It means for those big name channels and ambassadors for SSO will lose around 60% of their ad revenue. It means there will be no space to make SSO content on Youtube with any kind of space for communities to exist. And when this free word of mouth is one of SSO’s biggest recommendations, that means content creators will also either move platforms, blindly hope that people are joining from their content with no real metrics to gauge that on YouTube, or they’ll stop making content because of the hurdles to put it out there. None of which is good for SSO.

Worse, it might lead to people making outlandishly offensive content to throw off Youtube’s bots, which means less family friendly content for a family friendly game, which again, discourages people to play. If a parent is trying to look up SSO and all they can find are videos filled with offensive language and behavior, they’re likely going to believe that SSO isn’t censored very well and not want their kids to play it. But if that’s the only way to content creators to make content and keep our audience, it’s rather likely that the age base that SSO is aiming for is going to be pushed out of the community or taught some very bad lessons.

Because of what SSO is, these changes would most likely wipe SSO’s community away as soon as the ball drops on New Years. And that would be devastating for our entire community.

But there’s still time for things to change.

Currently, there’s a petition going around for the FTC and Youtube to broaden and clarify its definitions of what “kid content” is, and to remove or rework the amendment of COPPA that requires this change to better address the problem than putting the responsibility of parenting someone else’s kids on content creators. Further, the FTC is taking comments on this until Dec 7th. Please do both!

https://www.change.org/p/youtubers-and-viewers-unite-against-ftc-regulation

https://www.regulations.gov/comment?D=FTC-2019-0054-0001

And take this seriously if you write in to the FTC! Don’t troll this. Net neutrality’s comments were ignored on account of trolling in its open forum. This matter would seriously impact SSO’s community, not to mention any other indie game communities you might be in. There are loads of videos out there with lawyers and attorneys better explaining the impact of this too, so get educated. The guy I linked is personally talking to the FTC on this matter.

Youtube plays a massive part for SSO’s community. It does for a lot of communities. And losing it would hurt a lot of people, and I think it would be a serious blow for SSO as well. If you don’t want this to happen, then sign the petition and write in to the FTC on why you don’t want this change to happen.

[sugarcoated-pain]

Heavy Rotation Part 5

Thanks to everybody who’s been reading, especially those letting me know what you think! Keep an eye out for Part 6 soon because it is gonna be GOOD! ;)

As always, thanks @sublimehood for all the help, guidance, and general reassurance lol. 

Best Friends to Lovers- original character + Ashton

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Over the next few weeks, things started to go back to normal. Well, I mean, as “normal” as things could ever be for us. Ashton and I didn’t speak of the kiss again, and we all did what we could to help him get over his break up. I respectfully didn’t bring up the “friends with benefits” comment while he was grieving, though the thought definitely crossed my mind more than once.

Around the end of January, we got a regular visitor around the studio. Ray is a music producer and owner of a brand new recording studio in New York City, as well as an old friend of Luke’s parents. He’s visiting LA on business, and had never seen the studio, so he stopped by whenever he got a chance, just hanging out and picking up ideas for his own studio.  On his first day in town, Liz was giving him the grand tour and they caught me messing around in the recording studio. Whoops. Ray was amused by this, and also could immediately tell that I am an “East Coast Girl”. Didn’t realize it was THAT obvious.

It’s almost impossible for me to stay away from the studio now that I am getting the hang of how things work in there. When business is slow, Ashton and I have been working on editing my demo, but it’s taking longer than it should, since we’re actually supposed to be working. Ray walked in one day and overheard part of my track, and was intrigued. Ashton played it for him from the beginning, much to my embarrassment, but Ray said it was “really good” and that I have “a lot of potential”. Holy crap. This is amazing.

On his last day in town, Ray approaches me alone while I’m working in the store.

“I’ve been really impressed by you while I’ve been here. You’ve got the same energy that I’m looking to have in my studio. If you decide you’d like to move back closer to home, there’s a job waiting for you.”

I’m initially stunned. He hands me his business card. “Wow, thanks. That’s incredible and honestly really flattering, “ I start, once my brain is able to process what he is saying. “But I’ve already kinda built a life here, and I love what I’m doing.”

Ray glances down at the pile of records in my hand, and gives me an incredulous look, “Stacking records?”

I chuckle slightly. “Touche.”

“Just keep it in the back of your mind, okay? The company would pay to fly you there and there could be a nice signing bonus involved. Hit me up if you change your mind.”

I stand there stunned for a few moments after he’s left, staring at his business card in my hand.

“Hey, you okay?” It’s Georgia. She’s bringing Calum lunch, and has clearly noticed that I’m in shock.

“Uh.. yeah I think so... That Ray guy just offered me a job in New York.”

“WOAH…seriously??  are you..actually considering it?” She asks, looking impressed and also mildly concerned.

“Nah not really… I mean, my gut says no, I love my life here.. But it sounds like it could be good money, and it would be nice to be closer to home…” I reply with a shrug.

“Well, you know we’d all miss the hell out of you, but I’m excited for you and support whatever decision you make!”

I smile. “Thanks, G.”

I was on closing duty for the store that night, and everybody else had shit going on, so once my shift was finally over, I had the apartment to myself. I cooked myself some pasta without anybody getting in my way, and plopped down on the couch to watch a movie. Ashton was the first one home.

“Are you watching the Wedding Singer AGAIN?” He asks, shaking his head.

“I love this movie, leave me alone!”

He plops down on the couch next to me, and before I even know what is happening, he grabs my fork and steals a bite of my alfredo.

“Hey! Get your own!” I snap, slapping his hand playfully.

He smirks triumphantly, taking another bite.

“How was work?” He asks, settling back on the couch.

“Boring as hell. OH but that Ray guy came back and actually offered me a job in New York!”

“What?? For real??”

“Yeah but I'm probably not gonna take it.. it's just kinda flattering, ya know?”

“Why aren't you going to take it?”

“Well, I mean, I've already got a job that I usually enjoy..and I've built a life here.. and there's all of you guys…”

The look on his face is hard to read but I'd say he seems pleased with my answer. His cell phone buzzes and he checks it, then let's out a frustrated groan.

“What's up?” I ask curiously.

“Nothing… just… Camille keeps texting me lately..”

“WHAT?!? What does that skanky bitch want??”

“She says she wants to 'talk’. Keeps trying to get me to meet up with her. She is apparently sorry and made a 'mistake’.” He sighs.

“....you're not buying that bullshit, right??”

“I don't really wanna talk about it right now. Let's just watch your stupid movie.” He adds, the last part in a playful tone. Without responding to the text, he puts his phone back in his pocket.

We sit in silence for a little while just watching the movie together, even though I've seen it dozens of times. I’m hyper-aware of the fact that we seem to be inching closer together on the couch, until the point that our legs are touching. I can occasionally feel him watching me out of the corner of my eye. My cheeks start to feel flushed and the air feels like it’s made of electricity. The tension starts to become too much to bear. My heart is racing now and it’s taking everything in my power not to climb on top of him right here on the couch. Almost a month has passed since the breakup, and I decide in this moment that this is a reasonable amount of time to address the thing I can’t stop thinking about.  

“So.. remember on New Year’s Day when you made that comment about ‘best friends with benefits’?” Before I can finish my sentence, his lips are on mine. Pulling me closer to him, i wrap my arms around his back and run my fingers through his hair as I kiss him back.  “But that’s all this is, right? No strings attached?” I say quickly, pulling away, but with our lips just inches apart. He instantly breaks the space between us to continue kissing me.  It’s a deep, passionate kiss, the kind I pictured every time I imagined this happening, but I need to make sure we are on the same page, so I try again, “Because you’re still getting over Camille....”,

“And you don’t want a relationship…” he retorts, but his lips are back on mine as soon as he finishes the sentence.

“And we’re best friends who live together and anything more would be weird….and I wouldn’t want everybody else to know..” I say into his ear, as he moves his lips down to my neck.

“Just shut up and kiss me.” He pulls me up onto his lap, and I straddle my legs on either side of his.  I move one of my hands from his hair to his back, moving up under his shirt and running my fingernails all the way down. I can feel him getting harder beneath me, and it’s almost too much to take. He runs his hands up under the back of my shirt to undo my bra.

Suddenly, we hear keys in the front door and I jump off of him as fast as I can. We both frantically straighten our clothes and hair, panting. Luckily, Cal and Georgia are lost in conversation and not paying attention when they first walk in. I pull my loose bra through my shirt sleeve discreetly and stuff it under the throw blanket next to me. I notice Ashton is using the other end of the same blanket to hide his erection, which makes me smirk proudly.

“Hey guys, what’re you up to?” Cal asks as they enter the living room

“Just watching a movie .. but it’s almost over and I’m exhausted so I was thinking about going to bed soon.” I reply, with a pointed look at Ashton.

“Yeah, me too.” Ash adds, picking up on the cue. He better know that I expect him to crawl through my bedroom window the second I get in there and fuck me senseless.

“Aw. We actually had a movie we wanted to watch with you guys. The four of us haven’t gotten a chance to hang out in a while.” Georgia replies. Great. Guilt trip. Ashton and I exchange a look.

“I guess I can hang out a little while longer.” I answer. How long can the movie be, right?

I can wait two more hours for the guy I’ve already waited eight months for. But about halfway through, the rush from our little makeout session has worn off and I start to feel drowsy. Last thing I remember is laying my head on Ashton’s shoulder.

I wake up several hours later, wrapped in Ashton’s arms on the couch. Someone appears to have thrown the blanket over us, so that’s kind of awkward. I realize the sun is already up, and reach for my cell phone to check the time. I’m supposed to be downstairs for work in 30 minutes so I gently move Ash’s arms and begin to stand up. He’s still passed out but he instinctively tries to pull me back to him. It’s adorable and everything I’ve ever wanted but this shit can absolutely NOT happen. This was a terrible idea. I should NOT have allowed this to happen.

“Hey, Ash. Wake up. You’ve gotta go to work soon.”

“morning” he says groggily.

I stand up and fold the blanket, and try to give him a second to wake up.“....We need to talk about last night..” My tone a little bit more serious than I intended.

“Why am I getting a deja vu feeling?” he says, as he stretches and begins to sit up.

“I changed my mind. I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to do this whole ‘friends with benefits’ thing…”

“Can I assume you’re not going to give me a reason as to why?”

Because you’re the most perfect man I’ve ever met and I’m secretly falling for you, which makes you the world’s worst distraction for a girl on a mission. “I just don’t want to deal with everybody in the apartment finding out, but I also don’t want to have to sneak around. I think we’re really better off as JUST friends…”

“Well I’m gonna call bullshit because I know you don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks, but fine. If that’s what you really want, then I respect that... Just friends.”

“Thank you. It is.” UGH it’s very much NOT what I really want. Why can’t I just be real with him and myself right now?

I take a super quick shower before work, and all I can think about is how badly I want Ashton in there with me. This is a problem. This HAS to stop. I’m here for my music, and I can’t let some guy hold me back, no matter how perfect he is. It occured to me in this moment that Ashton was the reason why I immediately told Ray no when he offered me the job. This is everything I wanted to avoid. What if this NYC opportunity really was my fast track into the music industry? The fact that I didn’t even consider it for a second all because of Ashton TERRIFIES me.

As soon as I step out of the shower, I reach for the jeans I had fallen asleep in, and pull Ray’s business card out of my pocket. Before I even get dressed, I send him an email asking for more details about the position. As I head downstairs for work, I hear a notification on my phone. It’s Ray, getting back to me much quicker than I anticipated, and the offer almost feels too good to be true. The money is great, I’d get to be helping make music instead of stacking cds and records all day, and I would receive a signing bonus. He even mentioned that there was a flight at the end of the week on the company’s preferred airline that still had seats available on such short notice, so he had used their miles to secure a ticket for me, just in case. That seemed a little presumptuous, but also nice to know that this guy wanted me to work for them that badly.

It was a lot to think about, and I spend most of my shift daydreaming about what it would be like to be back on the east coast, and REALLY working in the music industry. Being closer to my family and old friends would be nice. The reasons to go seemed to be adding up quicker than the reasons to stay. But I realized that my main reason to stay was more important to me than all of the reasons I should go.

Part Six

Part Seven

Part Eight

Let me know if you’d like to be added to the taglist, and I love hearing feedback!

Taglist: @cheyenne-in-wonderland @drummerboy794 @harrysgucciclothes @emmamarshmellow @rbforsmileycal @asht0ns-world @dukesnumber1

[nicosmh]

╰ * ✧ ˖ SHE WAS LOVELY. THEN THINGS CHANGED. ‖ have you seen NICO HAMADA at the beach recently? i remember them being so PASSIONATE, but they seemed a little HESITANT today. it must be tough going through such hard times at only TWENTY-THREE. even then, they still remind me of PERMANENTLY EXHAUSTED FEATURES, MUSIC SHEETS SCATTERED ALL OVER THE ROOM, ODDLY SHAPED CLOUDS, and BALLS OF FLUFFY, PASTEL YARN.

i’m dee, and i never sleep. let’s get it started -- shall we ??

tl;dr and headcanons --- big family, big money and even bigger pressure. a whole ass cutie. true personification of an exclamation mark at times. memes, memes, memes. says and writes things that sometimes make one wish they were jared, nineteen. will steal your dog, cat or literally any animal, ever. a toss up between the mom friend and the wine aunt. most likely to befriend everyone’s parents ( probably because she can’t stand her own ). a terrible cook, -5/10 would not trust her in the kitchen. will refuse to get out of the car because her favourite song is playing on the radio. puns. yoda jumped out. many would say she’s a trust fund baby on the lowkey, and they would be two hundred percent right... unfortunately.

nico mei hamada was born to a pretty affluent and strict family that moved to the states when she was just five years old. she may have not experienced the so-called ‘culture shock’ too much, seeing as she was tiny, but she still kind of feels out of place to this day ( not that she would ever have the guts to admit it, though ).

with her mother being a composer, herself, nico’s parents decided to sign her up for piano classes. safe to say, she didn’t particularly enjoy being told what to do from day one, and she didn’t know what she disliked more -- the pressure to do something she didn’t want, or the classes themselves.

but... later, she grew to appreciate the fact that they’ve decided to put her through something like that. nico had found new hobby, her new passion -- something that she could possibly consider her one true love. she fell in love with the technique, the music and everything else that entailed the magical world of instruments. she could go ahead and admit that this was the only thing that was making her truly happy.

as the time went on, she had picked up guitar and violin, having been focused on piano nonetheless. she didn’t necessarily wanted to overwhelm herself with the amount of instruments she had to keep up with. but, was it really hard for her? not really. it was her hobby, something she genuinely enjoyed doing. she was convinced that if she ended up doing what she liked, she would never have to struggle with it.

juggling between attending private high school and music school didn’t exactly belong to the easiest of tasks, but she managed to find the perfect balance. she could admit that having one or two friends and that’s it was pretty helpful. if she wanted to be the best of the best in her craft, she had to make some sacrifices and nico was aware of it.

after years, upon years of hard work ( majoring in music production in college and so on ), nico joined the ranks of an orchestra and she finally felt like she’d accomplished something that could make her family proud. they weren’t necessarily as vocal about it as she’d wished them to be, so maybe this thing would change it? and it did. if one could only imagine her mother’s face when nico told her the good news...

unfortunately, having found it too stiff and boring ( her words, not mine ) for such a charismatic being she was, she decided to leave. no hard feelings. nothing. it was just that. even her parents expressed that they weren’t exactly that surprised about her decision. apparently, they knew her daughter all too well, and it showed. they were still, however, disappointed... which wasn’t a new thing to her. nico was grateful for their calm reaction, no matter what -- she wouldn’t know what to do if they reacted in a different way, really. 

her decision made her father think that she was thinking about taking over his business -- he couldn’t be any more wrong, though. it’s not that nico wouldn’t want to help her parents out with anything, it’s just that she clearly had no interest in anything business-related. and that made mr. hamada change from a supporting father to someone who was giving her an ultimatum. all or nothing, so to speak. she was supposed to either take up necessary classes and learn about everything that has to do with owning a tech company, or at least make sure to help them out when they needed it the most.

how could she do that when there was no prior motivation, nor reason for her to be there? why did they put her through music school and everything else if they wanted her to become a businesswoman? it made no sense to nico. when she explained her point of view to her father, he lashed out, deciding to end all the forms of contact with her -- not without telling the girl how disappointed in her he was, of course.

nico’s mom tries her best to keep in touch with her, but every single conversation they have just ends with an argument. that doesn’t necessarily stop her from allowing nico spend their money, though. she thinks this might be something that will persuade her to change her mind. little did she know... it won’t do anything. she wants nothing to do with it.

now, without that much to do, nico is considering having a little bit of a break to experience everything she didn’t have the chance to do when she was growing up -- whether it be parties, getting a first tattoo... chopping a huge chunk of her hair off, things like that. she figured, that having a social life will be so much easier now that she has the time to actually indulge in all of these things. she’s got a whole new world to explore, and she won’t stray from throwing her parents’ money around. 

once she decides that her time off moment is over, she wants to find a job that she will actually feel satisfied with. she sells the songs that she’s composed and written the lyrics for, but she also wants to start recording demos for herself, and maybe even do some odd jobs on the side. but... that is something she definitely needs to take her sweet time with -- nico had found herself enjoying the lavish lifestyle she secretly craved ever since she was a teenager.

it’s more than safe to say that her closet and most shelves are filled with notebooks containing unfinished songs and random thoughts that were too precious to her to throw away. lyrics about falling in love, heartbreak -- anything one could expect from someone who went through it in such a short amount of time.

during summer vacation, three years ago, nico met elise. the two quickly hit it off and became each other’s first everythings. the pair was inseparable for the time being -- with elise choosing to pursue her degree in politics, the girl had to move a couple of states away. they swore to each other that it would never let it affect their relationship. at first, everything was going swimmingly well, as it should, but then... things started to get messier and messier. obviously...

nico couldn’t possibly put the blame on the girl, at first. after all, she was busy, right? well... as the time went on, elise started to avoid any means of contact with her, chalking it up to being buried under the books and working on essays and whatnot. seemed believable enough. again, nico couldn’t really question it, because she knew that her major was one of the toughest ones out there. it wasn’t quite right, still.  

after a long month filled with nothing but waiting and sleepless nights, nico decided to officially end the relationship only to find out that her now ex had found someone new, someone who goes to the same university as her. safe to say, it drove nico mad. how could she even think she was good enough for someone like elise? it made her wonder whether she was just a temporary place in the other’s bed, and even if her feelings for her were real. at this point, it could literally be anything.

it’s already been a year since it all happened, and while she might not act like she’s been affected by her ex-girlfriend ghosting on her without giving her a reason and finding someone new, nico is definitely FEELING it all. she’s just... not vocal about it, because why should she be? apparently, that’s what happens when you trust someone so much, and let them lead you on for so long. nico was convinced that having a long distance relationship with someone would be a piece of cake, but boi, was she dead wrong...

nico decided not to look for any kind of consolation from people. she is just... there, aimlessly going through the day, making a complete fool out of herself, probably as a defense mechanism. despite not seeking help for herself, she’s always down to talk about everything with just about anyone, because she’s That kind of person, really. don’t let that fool you, though! she’s grown a backbone over the years of acting like a doormat, and she truly won’t hesitate to voice her opinion if something is bothering her. she is a nice person and that will truly never change, though. 

more headcanons:

she is, and i cannot stress this enough, baby

but you know, she’s a baby that can snap

( yes, that’s a thing, fight me )

a pretty good dancer ( duh ), doesn’t do anything about it, though

a gym rat -- eats healthy most of the time, works out four times a week

music-wise, nico’s songs are a mix of nina ne/sbitt, king pr/incess and to/ve lo

ghostwrote a couple of songs for famous and semi-famous artists

and with that come the royalties, obviously......

...royalties that can cover up the cost of everything she needs, but you know... she’s saving that up and still uses the family’s money -- very Smart™ of her, lbr

( still under an nda, so... she can’t talk about it... yet )

huuuuuuge paramore fan

doesn’t drink much, prefers to smoke a bowl... or five

has to wear glasses most of the time -- does not do that

fluent in three languages -- japanese, english and french

sarcasm is up in there, as well, but i am convinced that it doesn’t count

knits a LOT

connection ideas ( not limited to only that, of course !! ):

fellow musicians ;; you know these people that fire off the creativity fuse ?? jam sessions until the early hours of the morning ?? staying on the phone for hours on end ?? friendly banter on social media ?? things like that. and who knows ?? there might be a few collaborations on projects, too ?? ( open ;; 1/?? )

saltmates ;; honestly, their entire relationship is based around the two of them being bitter together. whenever one of them is pissed, they just let the other know and they get together, pour a glass of wine or juice or what-have-you, and hash it out. ( open ;; 1/?? )

bad timing ;; for some reason or another, something always gets in the way of whatever they have. maybe they’re just not ready to commit at the time when the other is, or one’s in a relationship with someone else when the other was finally available. ( open to f ;; 0/?? )

unrequited feelings ;; is it just friendly, or is there a lot of sexual tension? either way, this can be plotted whether nico is the one to have feelings, or vice versa. they’re not entirely deep where one person is madly in love with the other, but enough to the point where tension is sparked. ( open to f ;; 0/1 )

unlikely friend ;; someone nico thought she would never be friends with but finds herself being friends with regardless. she definitely admires them for being who they are and genuinely has a great time whenever she hangs out with them, despite all their differences. ( open ;; 0/?? )

acquaintance ;; if you asked nico about that person, she would probably say they just “know” each other. she doesn’t ask them any questions, they don’t talk or meet up as much, but they still somewhat do care about one another. they just trust each other like that. they seem to be passing each other by a lot. ( open ;; 0/?? )

[peachiefics]

Killing Me Softly

Pairing: Woozi x Reader

Genre: 70s!AU; Angst; Fluff

Warning: Violence; Drug Use

Word Count: 2,453

Synopsis: It takes years to build an empire, but a single day for it to fall.  Can these lovers-by-chance take on the music industry?

     “I just need you to bang out another hit.  Y’know something real groovy- that’s what you kids say nowadays, right?” the middle-aged man chuckled, shoving one hand into his pocket as he leaned against the wall.

   “Yeah, something like that,” Jihoon sighed, running a hand over his face in a mix of annoyance and exhaustion.

   “I know you can do it.  That’s why I hired you, and you’ve done it before.”  

    “But my heart’s just not in it.  I didn’t sign on for disco, Mr. Jamison.”  

     The man looked at him with a smirk before taking a long drag of his cigar.  “You signed on for whatever the fuck I tell you to write and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it ‘long as I’m cutting you a check.  Now get to work,” he sneered. Tapping the end of the cigar, he didn’t even watch the ashes hit the floor before leaving the studio.  Jihoon watched in anger as Jamison exited, accidentally snapping his pencil in half.

     About an hour later, he balled up yet another piece of paper, throwing it into the overflowing bin on the other side of the room.  “Shit,” he mumbled, dropping his head to the wooden desk.  ‘Washed up before thirty…Who would’ve thought…?’  His eyes drifted between the clock on the wall and the blank pages of his notebook.  “Fuck this,” he said defiantly, grabbing the book and a pen before making his way out of the studio, as well.

     “Another scotch on the rocks, please,” Jihoon requested, punctuating the sentence with a slight hiccup.

   “I don’t know, Man…I think I might have to cut you off,” the bartender replied, slightly amused at the hazy look in his patron’s eyes.

   “C’mon, just one more. I swear I’m okay,” he pleaded with only a slight slur to his diction.  

     Their banter was interrupted by applause as another singer took the stage at the front of the dimly lit bar.  Jihoon turned his attention to the bronze-complected, demure woman that stood in front of the microphone.

     “How y’all doin’ tonight?,” she began.  “I’m not really one for introductions, and most of you know me already, so I’ll just get started with a number by good ‘ol Miss Flack. Y’all dig?”  Noticing the crowd’s positive reaction, he wondered what made her so special.  

Then she opened her mouth.

“Strumming my pain with his fingers Singing my life with his words Killing me softly with his song Killing me softly with his song Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly with his song”      At that moment, Jihoon knew that this was the sound he had been searching for.  The harmonies he couldn’t hold on to.  The melody he’d been missing.  This woman’s voice, so soulful and sultry, was exactly what he needed.  

     “Who’s that?” he asked the bartender.  

    “Oh, that’s _____.  She’s a regular here.  Performs every Friday night for open mic.,” he replied.  Jihoon nodded, deep in thought.  

      After finishing her set, she took a bow, humbly accepting the applause that rang through the air.  “Much love, much love,“ she smiled.  “Enjoy the rest of open mic night, and I’ll catch y’all on the flip side.”  With one final wave, she walked down the stairs at the front of the stage.  

     “Great set, as always,” the bartender said as she walked by.  

    “Thanks, David,” she smiled.

   Figuring it was now or never, Jihoon stopped her before she could leave.  “Uh, excuse me.”  She turned to look at him with a pleasantly curious expression.  “You were amazing up there.”  

    “Thank you.”  

    “I’m not sure of how to say this, but basically…I need you.  Wait, that sounds terrible.  I need your voice.  That’s not much better,” he muttered the last part under his breath before inhaling deeply.  Exhaling, he inwardly cringed at the confused look on her face.  “My name is Lee Jihoon and I’m a musician.  I write and produce for Copasetic Records.”  

     She nodded, skepticism clear on her face.  “You don’t believe me.  It’s okay, I wouldn’t either,” he says, handing her his card.  “Anyway, I’ve been banging my head against the wall trying to find a new sound and I think I just did.”

   “And that sound is…me?” She placed a hand on her chest in disbelief.

   “Yes.  Money’s no object.  I just need you to record a song for me.”  

    She skimmed over the card before handing it back to him. “No thanks.”  

   “What?” he asked incredulously.

   “I’ve heard the stuff you produce and it’s not my style.”

   “But this song would be different.  With your voice and my lyrics, we could make a hit.”

   “With your lyrics?” she scoffed.  “Ooh baby, do it real groovy,” she recited humorlessly.  

  “Okay, so that wasn’t my best song, but-Wait!” he exclaimed, following her as she walked out of the bar.  

     “Look, I only saw ‘Foxy Brown’ once, but I’m a fast learner.  Keep following me and I’ll have no problem kicking your ass.”

   “No need,” he raised his hands in defense.  “I’m just asking that you take my card…In case you change your mind.”

   “Fine, but that’s not likely to happen.”

     Jihoon became a regular at that bar over the next few weeks.  Drinking numbed the pain of him having sold his soul to Copasetic Records and seeing _____ revived what little hope he had left in the music industry.       

     “You’re pretty damn persistent, aren’t you?” she asked, taking a seat on a bar stool before ordering “the usual”.  

  “No, but I’m pretty sure I’m becoming an alcoholic,” he chortled.  David placed a martini in front of her and Jihoon stopped her before she could pay for it.  “It’s on me.”

 “I don’t accept drinks from strangers,” she simpered.  

  “Well, I don’t think I’m that strange, do you?” 

     She thought for a moment before speaking again.  “What’s the catch?”

 “No catch.  Just buying a drink for a beautiful girl.”

 “Thanks, but drinks and compliments don’t get me into bed or the studio,” she said in a slightly teasing tone.   

  Well, she was half right.

     Soft smoke clouded the air in Jihoon’s bedroom as they found themselves tangled in a mess of bare limbs and plush sheets. He watched intently as her lips curved around the joint and released a cloud as smooth as the sound of her voice. As smooth as whiskey gliding down his throat. As smooth as the fabric beneath them.

   “…And so I found a gig at the bar and just…never left,” _____ exhaled, smoke flowing throughout her words.

  “But you could be doing so much more,” Jihoon sighed.  “Pass.”

   She handed him the blunt and he took a long drag before continuing to speak.  “Don’t you wanna see your name in lights, _____?”

 “Not if it means being a puppet with a record exec’s hand up my ass…Sorry,” she laughed, noticing Jihoon deadpan at her comment.

   “Look, I came to LA hoping for something different.  Something worthwhile that would make me happy.  Then I experienced hunger…I did what I had to do and then I got used to the money.  Figured that if I just played along for a while, I’d eventually get to create what I wanted…but I guess I was wrong.”  Realizing that this was clearly a sensitive topic for him, she placed a hand on top of his.   

     He smiled softly at her before putting the roach out in the ash tray on the bedside table.  As a silent “thank you”, he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers, tasting mint, hemp, and bliss. 

     The next morning, Jihoon woke up to an empty space in his bed and the sound of his piano in another room.  After sliding on a pair of boxers, he made his way into his living room to find _____ sitting at his grand piano, his red flannel loosely fitting around her small frame.  

     “You’re pretty good,” he smirked, leaning against the door frame.  

    She jumped a bit, immediately removing her hands from the keys.  “I’m sorry.  I just couldn’t resist.”  

  “She’s a beaut, isn’t she?” he asked, walking over and gliding his hand across the wood.

   “You ain’t never lied,” she smiled, still mesmerized by the instrument.  “Play something for me,” she grinned, finally looking at him.

 “Alright.  Any requests?”

  “Surprise me,” she shrugged.

     He nodded and began to play the tune of “Killing Me Softly”, causing her to laugh a bit.  “Of course you picked this song.”

  “Sing for me,” he beamed, fingers gracefully tapping.  

“Strumming my pain with his fingers Singing my life with his words Killing me softly with his song Killing me softly with his song Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly with his song”

     “Beautiful,“ he complimented before adding, “Oh, and the singing was good, too.“  She giggled a bit before leaving a sweet kiss on his lips.

About two months had passed before Jihoon showed _____ his song book. 

     “I have a surprise for you.”

 “What is it?” she asked, rolling another blunt.

   He pulled out a small notebook and handed it to her as she placed the herb on the table.  “Back page.”

     She smiled and opened it, landing on a page with her name on it.  He watched her expression nervously as she read.  “Jihoon, this is beautiful,” she gushed, eyes trailing along the words of adoration and love.  “Did you write something to accompany it?”

 “Of course,” he smirked, standing to go to the piano.  Cracking his fingers, he played the first few notes.  “Sing for me?”

 “Of course.”

     They ended up recording that song, not through persuasion, but of _____’s own suggestion.  Soon after, the two found themselves sitting in a mess of velvet and leather, Mr. Jamison’s office.  

     “I really think we’ve got a hit on our hands, Sir,” Jihoon said.

   “Play it,” he responded stoically.  Jihoon followed his orders before sitting down next to _____ and holding her hand tightly.

     As the song came to an end, Jamison laughed bitterly.  “What the fuck is this?  This isn’t disco.”

 “We know, but we feel that this is better.  Soul is going to outlive disco, Mr. Jamison.  It has a timeless sound that’ll carry into the 80s without a doubt.”

 “Jihoon, I don’t pay you to feel.  I don’t pay you to think.  And I definitely don’t pay you to bring no-name sluts in here with their demos.”  Jihoon’s blood boiled at his words and _____wanted nothing more than to leave, but she refused to leave Jihoon there.  “I pay you to write.”

  “Not anymore,” the younger male calmly stated.

 “What?”  

“You heard me.  I quit.”

 “Your contract binds you-”

 “As long as working conditions are satisfactory.  And they’re not. I. Quit,” he said through his teeth before standing up and grabbing his girlfriend’s hand.  “Good luck keeping your fucking company from tanking.”  

     By 1981, disco had, in fact, died. Copasetic Records had gone bankrupt and closed, giving rise to a new company.

   One owned by Jihoon and _____.  

  After years of struggling through performing, networking, and negotiating, they had created a label consisting of various soul artists.  Some even began to branch out into some new genre.  Jihoon believed it was called hip hop or something similar.  _____ swore that in time, it would catch on.

     “Jihoon, we’re gonna be late to our own party!” _____ exclaimed, walking into their bedroom.  She frowned, noticing him hunched over the bedside table.  “Jihoon, I thought you said you weren’t doing that anymore.”

   He quickly stood up, wiping his nose.  “I know.  I just…I’m really stressed right now and- _____, wait!” he called after her as she left the room.  Following her out, he grabbed her arm.  “I’m sorry, okay?”

 “You shouldn’t be sorry for me; you should be sorry for yourself.”

   “And why is that?” he challenged, fed up with her constant nagging.

   “Well, for starters, your nose is bleeding,” she said, ripping her arm from his grasp.

   “Shit,” he muttered, going into the bathroom to clean it.

     A few hours later, the two were greeting guests at a party for the label’s first anniversary.  Setting his wine glass down on a nearby table, Jihoon searched the room for _____.  Once he spotted her, he quickly made his way over and pulled her to the side.  “I’m done for good,” he said.

 “You’ve said that b-”

 “I know, but this time I mean it.  I’ve seen so many people go after fucking with that shit, and I know you’re terrified that I’ll be next.  But I won’t be. I’m not leaving you any time soon,” he explained, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

 “I love you,” she smiled, placing one hand on his cheek.

   “And I love you. ‘Ya dig?,” he chuckled.

   She nodded, laughing before kissing him softly.   “I should get back out there.”

   “Go.  I’ll meet you onstage,” he smiled.  As she walked off, he reached in his pocket, clutching the tiny velvet box with a grin.

     “And to think that it all started in a bar,” _____ said, causing everyone in the crowded room to laugh.  Jihoon smiled as she told the story of how this all came to be.  In that moment, he knew he couldn’t wait any longer.  As she invited him to come up and say a few words, his hand gripped the box tighter.

   “Well, before I talk about the label…I want to- no, I need to say something.”

     Just then, a shot echoed throughout the room, launching everyone into a panicked frenzy.  _____ screamed as Jihoon fell to the floor, clutching his bleeding stomach.  Rushing to his side, she lifted his head and yelled into the crowd, “Someone call 911!”  As she looked around, she noticed a familiar face in the crowd.  Mr. Jamison, who stood in an almost dazed state as people rushed towards him.  

     “Jihoon, stay with me, okay?  Everything’s gonna be alright,” she said, trying to stay composed as he coughed up blood.  “You said you wouldn’t leave me any time soon, remember?”

   “I love you,” he struggled to say.

   “I love you, too,” she cried.  Her watery eyes met his lidded ones as she felt his heart begin to slow down.  The small velvet box caught her eye, having fallen out of his pocket, and she could’ve sworn her own heart stopped as realization hit her.  “No no no…,” she repeated, shaking her head.

He stopped her by speaking as clearly as he could manage.  “_____…Sing for me…one last time.”

“Strumming my pain with his fingers Singing my life with his words Killing me softly with his song Killing me softly with his song Telling my whole life with his words Killing me softly with his song”

[flickerofcalum]

once bitten, twice shy | part four

part one // part two // part three // masterlist

It had only taken him a few weeks to realize that he’d been in the wrong, but the damage had already been done – Brinley refused to answer any of his calls or texts and had blocked him on social media, effectively cutting him out of her life. Luke still would have given anything for the chance to apologize and to explain himself, which he supposed was why he was here. He had given up too easily last time and he wasn’t going to do it again.

It was an integral part of Luke’s personality to never know what he was doing, but right now, he felt like it was at an extreme.

Back when they’d been together, Brinley had a special way of getting under Luke’s skin and frustrating the hell out of him. That was part of why he’d loved her so much – she was able to get a reaction out of him like no one else could. It made him a little angry that Brinley was being cold to him. Deep down, he knew he deserved it, but all he wanted was a chance to talk things out with her and she wasn’t budging. It was so frustrating and Brinley pushing his buttons made him want to do it right back to her.

That was why he had agreed to come back to her house for the little afterparty her mother was hosting. Now that he was here, though, he was starting to regret his spur of the minute decision to try to piss Brinley off. Being back in the Dorsey household was like being in some sort of time warp. Suddenly, Luke felt like he was 16 years old again. He remembered all the times he’d held Brinley’s hand under the table while having dinner with her parents and all the times they’d watched Disney movies with her sister on the couch and the way he’d always steal kisses whenever Mallory wasn’t looking. He remembered sneaking in Brinley’s bedroom window, so they could fool around in her bed while her unsuspecting mother and sister slept down the hall. But most of all, he remembered the last time he had been here – the night that things had fallen apart between them.

It was the night before Brinley and Luke were set to leave for university. They had carefully chosen a college that both of them would be happy at and had spent the last few months preparing themselves for the rest of their lives together. Luke had been excited to move to a new city with Brinley, excited about all the classes he was going to get to take as a music major. Or at least, he had been excited up until a few days before.

Luke had been in the band with the other guys since their freshman year of high school. They hadn’t played a lot of gigs, mostly a couple of local open mic nights and at school dances. They spent a lot of their time in Ashton’s parents’ basement, writing songs that Luke honestly wasn’t sure anyone would ever hear. They’d recorded a couple of shitty demos on rented equipment and sent them out, all agreeing that if they sent them out and didn’t hear back that it just wasn’t meant to be. That had been nearly eight months ago, and Luke had pretty much given up on the dream of their band being famous – at least for the time being. He had to move on with his life, which is why he had made plans with Brinley to go to college together. He didn’t really want to, but he didn’t see that he had any other choice besides getting a random job in their small hometown.

But Ashton had called them all excitedly together a few days ago and told them that his uncle who lived in Los Angeles had managed to get them a meeting with a record label, that they were interested in signing them. Luke had known the minute the words came out of Ashton’s mouth that there was no way he would be going to university anymore. This was everything he had ever dreamt of, and he would be crazy to throw it away.

The only problem was that he hadn’t quite worked up the courage to tell Brinley yet, and now he was out of time. His girlfriend still thought they were heading out together early in the morning. He knew she was going to be upset with him, for many reasons, and Luke hated nothing more than when she was upset with him – but now he had no choice but to tell her.

After chatting with her mother in the foyer for a few minutes, Luke made his way up to his girlfriend’s room, his hands shaking as he knocked on the door. Brinley’s face lit up as she saw him on the other side, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“Hello, handsome,” she said sweetly, leaning up to press a soft peck to his lips. “I was just working on getting some last minute things packed up, wanna help me decide what I should bring?” Luke nodded, staying quiet as he made his way over to Brinley’s bed. She frowned as she noticed the expression on his face but shook it off, moving over to the pile of clothes on her desk chair and holding up a sweater. “Do you think this looks too high school? I want to be taken seriously.”

The boy shrugged and chewed nervously on his bottom lip. “I guess.”

Brinley rolled her eyes. “I’m being serious, Luke – besides, I know you’ve probably packed your entire wardrobe. You know we’re going to be living in dorms with tiny closets, right?”

At the mention of living in a dorm, Luke looked down. He didn’t know how he was supposed to say this. The last thing Luke wanted to do was to make her upset and he was wracking his brain trying to think of a way to tell her without hurting her feelings.

“Okay, what’s up with you? You usually love to give me opinions on clothes,” Brinley said with a frown, moving to sit on the bed next to Luke and sliding a hand on his shoulder. “Are you nervous about leaving home? It’s only a few hours away.”

Luke took a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment as if it would make all this easier. “Brinley… I’m not going with you.”

Her hand froze from where it had been rubbing at Luke’s skin. “What?”

He rubbed a hand over his face, unable to look her in the eye. “Ashton’s uncle got us a meeting with a record label in Los Angeles. They want to sign us.”

“That’s…that’s amazing. But what about college? You’ve already signed up for classes,” Brinley’s voice was shaking as she spoke.

The boy shook his head as he finally dared to look up at her. “I already called them and withdrew from everything.”

Brinley pursed her lips. “How long have you known about this?”

“A few days,” Luke said quietly, his eyes searching her face. He had no clue how to read her at that moment, which scared him because he was normally so good at it.

The girl stood up then, turning her back to Luke and making her way over to look out the window. “And you didn’t think to tell me until now?”

Luke knew he had been cowardly, not telling his girlfriend as soon as he found out, but they had just been so happy lately and he didn’t want to ruin that. She was so important to him and Luke really didn’t want to lose her. “I was just scared… But I have to do this, Brin. I can’t just leave the guys hanging, and I… it’s everything I ever wanted.”

“God, don’t you think I know that, Luke? I know you have to go. I just… you should’ve told me,” Brinley said, a bit angrily as she turned back toward him. “We’re supposed to be leaving tomorrow. Now I’m just going to move hours away from my family and friends by myself.”

He shook his head as he stood up and walked over to grab her hand. “Maybe you don’t have to. Maybe…maybe you could come with me.”

Brinley blinked at him, bewildered. “To Los Angeles? What about school?”

“They have schools in Los Angeles,” he pointed out.

The girl let out a humorless laugh. “I can’t afford to go to school there.”

Luke let out a sigh, trying to hold back his frustration. He knew getting frustrated was only going to escalate the situation more. “So just… come with me, and you can stay with me and the guys, and you can find a job and save up some money for school.”

“So, let me get this straight. You want me to throw away a nearly full scholarship to the university I’m supposed to be starting at tomorrow, so I can run away with you to Los Angeles and sit around while you get to live out your dreams?”

He groaned and threw his hands up. “No! I want you to come with me because I love you and I want you to be apart of me living out my dreams.”

“What about my dreams?” Brinley wondered angrily, crossing her arms over her chest. “Does it matter what I want?”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, do you really want to spend the next four years living in some stuffy dorm room? Spending all your time listening to some old guy give a lecture on the philosophy of life? We could be out there having the adventure of a lifetime.”

“Yes, Luke, that’s exactly what I want!” Brinley yelled, causing Luke to startle a bit. She had only yelled at him a few times in the course of their relationship, but even then, he had never seen her so angry. “And that’s exactly what you’ve been telling me you want for the six months, but clearly that was something else you were too much of a coward to tell me the truth about.” She moved away from him again. “You know what? Just go. Get out right now. We’re done.”

Luke gaped at her. “What? Brinley, come on, let’s just talk about this.” He reached for his hand. “I just don’t want us to be apart. I love you.”

Brinley ripped her hand out of his grasp and shook her head. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to give up my dreams for yours,” she said in a whisper. Tears were spilling down her cheeks, causing Luke’s own eyes to well up with them. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have let me spend months planning our life together when you didn’t even want it.”

He took a deep breath, trying his hardest not to cry as well. “Brinley, please don’t do this.”

She turned away from him again, wrapping her arms around herself. “Please just go.”

Luke felt cold all over as he stared at her back. He didn’t understand how things had gotten so messed up, but he knew better than to try to argue with Brinley once she’d made up her mind. Giving her one last lingering look, he made his way towards the door.

“Luke?” Brinley’s voice caused him to whip around, a hopeful look on his face. “For the record, I would’ve been happy and proud of you. It really hurts that you thought I wouldn’t be, but I guess we just don’t know each other as well as we thought we did.”

Even looking back at it now, he wanted to go back and punch himself in the face for just giving up and leaving. It had only taken him a few weeks to realize that he’d been in the wrong, but the damage had already been done – Brinley refused to answer any of his calls or texts and had blocked him on social media, effectively cutting him out of her life. Luke still would have given anything for the chance to apologize and to explain himself, which he supposed was why he was here. He had given up too easily last time and he wasn’t going to do it again.

It was only a matter of time before Mallory was tugging on his sleeve, practically begging him to join in with her friends in playing Just Dance. He felt Brinley glaring at him from across the room as he tried his hardest to keep up with the dance – seriously, why was it so complicated? – but he ignored it. After the song was finished, he desperately needed a drink, so he made his way into the kitchen to find something whenever Brinley cornered him.

“What are you playing at?” She wondered, glaring at him. For someone that was so adorable, Brinley could be quite scary when she wanted to be.

Luke sighed as he poured himself some apple cider. “Why do you assume that I’m playing at something? I happen to like your family, and obviously they like me too.”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Because we’re broken up and it’s weird.”

“I know we’re broken up, how could I forget?” He said, sipping on the cider. “I just want to talk to you.”

Brinley scoffed. “Well, I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Then why are you keeping me trapped against the counter?”

He watched a bit amused as the girl took a quick step back. “You’re the most annoying person on the planet.”

Luke took another sip of his drink. “Well, you better get used to it, because I’ve decided that I’m not going to go away until we talk about everything.” He pushed himself off of the counter and started making his way back into the living room.

“I’m still not going to talk to you,” Brinley called after him.

Luke kept his back to her, smiling into his cup. “We’ll see about that,” he called back.

@dontstopisagoodsongchangemymind @verymerrycalum @jetblackyoungblood