#this is your fault qcatter

[psychicdinneranon-blog]

Blindly and Always

First of all you may thank @qcatter for this fic. They brought up Shou’s mom and everything went downhill from there.

Note this is a part of the MiB AU So Shou isn’t quite an esper in this fic.

Summary: Shou’s mother is asking him to stop talking about certain things. But Shou can’t even meet her halfway because what she is doing is asking for the impossible. She’s telling a fish to climb a tree and Shou can’t. He can’t just pretend that he’s not himself. Can’t pretend that he doesn’t have three eyes and the ability to eat rocks and make things float without lifting a finger.

(Alternatively: Shou loves his mom unconditionally, but not all love is unconditional)

Shou twiddled the carnelian ring that Ritsu had given him. A slight smile played across his lips as he glanced down at it, remembering the way Ritsu had dropped it into his hand and saying that it would be something good to focus on if he needed to stay still. Like now for instance, as he waited for his mother to reach his table at the café.

Sometimes Shou wondered what he had done to get a friend like Ritsu, who always seemed to know the perfect things to give him.

Then his mother walked into the café in a pale blue dress and a sunhat. But even with the hat, Shou would know his mom anywhere. He lit up upon spotting his mother in the store and he waved enthusiastically until she looked over his way and gave a small half wave in response.

Shou put his hand down and went back to twisting the ring on his thumb. It was too big to fit it anywhere else. Ritsu had apologized about not knowing his size, having just seen the ring and making the impulse purchase. Then he jokingly teased Shou about having small fingers, as the ring had managed to at least stay on his digits.

Shou had laughed and accepted the ring like he was being presented with an ancient treasure. Including stealing it out from Ritsu’s hands while he was showing Shou that he could actually keep it on his fingers. And then promptly “defeating” the treasure guardian in a tickle fight.

The last “ancient treasure” he had seen might have been on an Indiana Jones movie. But Ritsu was smiling and out of breath from laughing so Shou didn’t worry.

His mother smiled softly as she brought her cup of coffee to the table and Shou moved the pastry he had bought so that she had plenty of room.

“Hi mom.” Shou smiled brightly, slipping out of his seat to give her a quick hug before the two sat down across from each other.

“Hi Shou.” She murmured softly and Shou delighted in the soft tones of his mother’s voice. They reminded him of valleys and mountains when viewed from the clouds. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good mom. You should see my hamster, last Thursday she just flopped down on her back against my arm while I was drawing at my desk. It was sooo cute! I had to stop drawing for a while because I didn’t want to disturb her.” Shou shifted slightly in his seat, still unable to sit still as always, and tilted his head as he asked his mother curiously. “What about you? What have you been doing since I last saw you?”

His mother had her hands folded into her lap, and Shou remembered suddenly how still she was compared to him. “I’ve been good as well. I got a promotion at my job and they’re asking for my help in planning a coworker’s birthday.”

“Cool! What are you all planning on doing?”

“Nothing too much, but the staff think that it would be fun to get lunch at that Indian restaurant off of Allspice Drive. If it turns out to be good I’ll let you know.”

Shou nodded, he was always in the mood for hot things be they spicy or temperature. Just as he was about to ask what else his mom had been doing, she cut him off and pointed to his left hand.

“What’s that?”

Shou couldn’t help how his smile widened as he stuck his hand out to show off the red orange swirls of the ring. “Ritsu gave it to me! Isn’t it awesome? He said it reminded him of me and so he just dropped it into my hand yesterday.”

“You must like it a lot to be wearing it, you used to hate things on your fingers when you were little.”

“Oh really?” Shou chuckled softly, and he could hear a few bird tweets creep in, but he didn’t let himself worry about them. “I don’t really remember. I know you used to dress up as the Queen of the castle though.”

“And you were my valiant little knight. Until you got tired of being a knight and became a dragon.” Something about her voice seemed off to Shou, a little forlorn, a little sad.

So of course Shou decided to try his best to lighten the mood. After all, he never wanted to see his mother sad. “Well you should see me now, I’m the Dred Pirate Shou reigning champion over any and all tickle fights with Ritsu.” Shou stated with a proud smile on his face.

Shou’s mother chuckled and questioned what other things he did with his friend. And Shou launched into one of his endless stories. This particular one being when he and Ritsu had been rock hunting all across town. All the while with the ever studious Ritsu actually trying to identify the rocks that they had gathered together.

“It’s so funny mom, you should see him when he’s trying to figure out something. He gets real quiet and he’s this little scrunch in his eyebrows, like this.” Shou tried his best to mimic Ritsu’s “thinking face” as Shou liked to call it. All the while he was talking he waved his hands about like he was directing a concert. “And when we found this patch of cracked road he picked up a few road pieces just for me! Isn’t that amazing?” Shou almost went on to say that Ritsu knew his tastes all too well be then he looked at his mother’s expression.

His mother had that look on her face again. That distant half stare that both pierced Shou to the heart and looked right through him all at the same time. She looked at him like she was looking at someone else. And Shou wondered just what he had done; wondered if she really thought that he was so similar to his father.

Shou never voiced his questions but he thought them all the same.

And so he fell silent for enough time for his mother to steer them away from that particular topic.

“How are your studies going Shou?”

And Shou bit the inside of his cheek and tried not to sigh as once again his mother dismissed the story he had just been telling her. His arms fell back against his side and he started to pick apart his pastry into bite-sized pieces. He wished he knew what he was doing, what he was saying that was so wrong.

He was getting tired of trying to keep up with the mazes that she had lain with traps and pitfalls about subjects Not to be Discussed. His powers. Anything about being a starchild. His diet. And now Ritsu?

His wide smile drooped a little at the corners. And he wished that things were as easy as those long summer days when they used to draw by the window together. Shou with his crayons because he couldn’t be trusted not to eat the charcoal pencils his mother was so fond of. And at the end of the day they would compare their pictures side by side each gushing about the other’s work.

But those days are long gone, blown away like dandelion seeds and carried far, far away by the wind.

So he danced along to his mother’s tune of what she wanted to talk about. Let her lead him down the maze and followed as best as he could.

He told her that he was doing well in school, even making sure that he stayed ahead with his assignments actually. And then he told her about how he was still sort of figuring out algebra but Ritsu and he had a few study dates and how he thought he had actually got it now.

Then after a long pause of silence, with neither of the two sure of what to say next. To break the silence, she asked him what he had thought of the weather recently, commenting that it had been a little chilly for the dress earlier that morning.

Shou nodded a little, saying that he never really had liked the cold. “But the sunrises from this time of year are beautiful mom, don’t you think?”

“Yes they are.” She nodded and smiled softly at him. That smile made his heart jump in his chest while his stomach settled uncomfortably. He wasted no time in allowing himself to think of why he had such reactions.

“I mean, it’s just so bright and oh today it was red even after leaving the horizon. I love when that happens. I want to just wrap the color around me and never let it go.”

And there was that awkward pause again, like he had said yet another thing wrong.

Shou and his mother stared at each other. It was in this moment that Shou felt a surge of longing to be with his best friend right now. Even with all the time he had spent with Ritsu there were never any long drawn out silences like this one. Ritsu always had a sharp quip or a clever comeback or did something to make Shou forget how to use his words at all through his laughter.

Nothing like this. And oh, didn’t that thought hurt like the last time he had decided to eat a microwave. A long drawn out pain that persevered because of each new piece.

Then his mother looked at the delicate watch strapped around her wrist and announced that it was time for her to leave. She had another appointment and couldn’t afford to be late.

Shou nodded and offered to take her empty cup to the trash, to which she thanked him gratefully and stood to go.

Shou walked over to the garbage can, he took a deep breath and let out slowly. Then he tossed his mother’s Styrofoam cup away and ate his pastry wrapper in one bite.  

When Shou walked past the table again he saw that his mother had already left.

He fiddled with his ring and started to walk towards the Kageyama’s house. He wondered idly if Ritsu still had some pieces of road he could snack on. He hoped his friend wouldn’t mind heading out on another adventure with him. Or let him steal the bed and curl up together and watch cute hamster videos on Ritsu’s computer. Or follow him home to have lunch with Serizawa. It had been planned that they would just have sandwiches today, but he was positive that with Ritsu there they would be able to convince Serizawa to try something a little more complicated.

And if he burned the pan again then Shou would be more  than happy to eat the scraps.

He’d take anything so long as it wasn’t another one of those endless silences spent biting his tongue and searching for the -as of yet to appear- the right words to say.

[psychicdinneranon-blog]

Venus: The Shepherd’s Star

This is set after a couple months the World Domination Arc in the Men in Black Universe (The MiB AU by @bakanohealthy and @qcatter )where Reigen is a MiB agent, Mob is a powerful alien called a Starchild and Ritsu is his (human) brother.

Summary: Ritsu and Shou get together for a day of showing off their powers to each other. However Shou doesn’t know what he is. And he doesn’t appreciate Ritsu reminding him of this fact.

Shou was lounging, half on Ritsu’s bed and half on Ritsu’s floor in his friend’s room. The bright sun ordinarily would have cast sunlight right where Ritsu was standing, but the blinds were snapped shut. Which was a good thing really, as anyone looking in would have seen several floating objects that were most certainly not being buoyed by string. And a strange creature floating a few inches above the ground.

“Okay so you got telekinesis down to an art Ritsu.” Shou crackled and sputtered a laugh that sounded like a campfire. He clapped as his friend made all of the pencils in his room dance around his head in an arc. “And you’ve managed to command your own dancing army of slightly sharp pencils, congrats!”

He ducked quickly as Ritsu sent a pencil whizzing towards him. It hit the wall and fell with a gentle useless thump onto his back before it was snatched up by Shou’s nimble fingers. He could have caught the projectile with his powers, but he enjoyed seeing Ritsu’s small triumphant grin at “getting back” at Shou. Well that, and the face that he made when Shou ate his pencil was made all the funnier by his lull into compliance.  

“Wha- Suzuki give me that back!” Ritsu held out his hand demandingly.

Meanwhile Shou descended into frenzied squeaking of hamsters. “Finders keepers!” He said though his version of giggles.

Ritsu took a moment to be very glad that his parents weren’t home. Even with the nature documentary set up on his laptop he didn’t think they would buy it with all the different noises Shou was making in his mirth today. He shook his hand, getting Shou’s three eyes to focus on it.

“Come on Suzuki, spit it out! I liked that pencil and I don’t want to see it disappear into your black hole of a stomach.”

“Ugh fiiiine.” Shou coughed a couple of times into his hand before the pencil slipped out of his mouth. He flicked it away and it fell into its place in the pencil holder beside Ritsu’s computer. He shifted a little, flicking his tail before curling it closer to himself. “You know I wasn’t actually gonna keep it, right?”

“That’s what you said about my sock. I just didn’t want to take any chances.”

“Hey, you asked me to help you clean up. Not my fault if you don’t like my methods.”

Ritsu couldn’t find any way to answer that as technically Shou was right. So he stayed quiet. Shou gave an unrepentant silhouette of a shrug before returning back to the topic they had been discussing before the impromptu distraction.

“So, you’ve got telekinesis down obviously. And I’ve seen your barriers so there’s no need to test those.”

Ritsu grumbled under his breath that he remembered when Shou had “tested” his barriers back at CLAW’s Seventh Branch, thank you very much. Shou decided that it was his duty as a friend to respond even with such (true) accusations. “Ritsu Ritsu Ritsu, be careful when you mutter to yourself or people will think you’re crazy.”

Ritsu merely rolled his eyes and tossed Shou a piece of balled up paper torn from his notebook. The starchild quickly snatched it up and ate it, grinning at Ritsu happily and Ritsu had to suppress a smile of his own. He quickly ducked his head down to focus on The List of things people with star powers could do. The whole idea had started with Shou being curious what kinds of things Ritsu could do with his powers. So the two of them decided to have a little show and tell on a day where they were unlikely to be disturbed. And of course Ritsu, being Ritsu, decided to figure out the list of things he had seen his brother and Shou do. And with Shou’s input of a few extra lines they were ready to go.  

The List was carefully disguised as a set superhero powers for a story. Because while Reigen had assured him over and over that the Men in Black would be extremely unlikely to find a random sheet or paper or a diary in a thirteen year old boy’s room, and as long as they kept out of sight they would be fine, habits were hard to ignore and Ritsu was not going to take chances on something like this. After all it was entire list of everything he knew about his, his brother’s and Shou’s powers.

Though as of right now there were only really three columns things on The List: telekinesis, barriers, and light manipulation which had been added courtesy of Shou. Though Shou said that all starchildren could do that sort of thing, and he had just taken it a step further and could make himself invisible.

Technically there was one more column that had multiple lines through it via Ritsu: can eat anything. He knew his limits and he had no desire to try any of the odd things Shou liked to put in his mouth. Especially not charcoal, which Shou claimed was one of the better non-food things to eat.

So really that meant the last thing to practice, and to show off what he could do to Shou, was…

Ritsu smirked at Shou as he slid the notebook back onto his desk. “Okay I got one for you.”

Shou started “oooh”ing as soon as Ritsu stepped into the center of the room. Then he took a deep breath and drew the light around himself.

Shou fell abruptly silent as soon as he noticed the light gathering and shifting around his friend. He tilted his head curiously and curled his tail a little closer to himself to give his friend some room. His three eyes trained on his friend’s form and it wobbled and distorted against the light. Then suddenly Ritsu appeared once more.

Expect this Ritsu had three eyes and all of his colors had gotten washed out of his body, replaced by a multitude of stars and the deep blue of the night sky.

All was silent for a few moments before Ritsu gave Shou a little waved and tucked his hands behind his back. “So what do you think?” He wondered if a silent Shou was a good thing or not, Shou was always making some sort of sound.

“Cool!” Shou made a sound that reminded Ritsu of a big fire, all snapping and roaring in his ears. Then Shou caught himself and switched his tone to something a little more like a human’s. “I mean that’s awesome Ritsu!” He hovered a little bit closer.

Ritsu stood still, allowing Shou to examine him. He still had trouble keeping the stars on his body shifting with his movement, and they weren’t as colorful as his brothers; but he was proud nonetheless.

Shou hovered around for a couple of minutes, examining his friend from every angle and side before suddenly saying. “Okay my turn!” And easily shifting out of his starchild form and into a more humanoid esque one. He walked around the room, showing off the reds and oranges and pinks and golds that shimmer across his starchild form. “Tadaa~” He laughed and spread his arms.

Ritsu made a show of clapping dutifully for his friend, just as Shou had earlier. And with no snarky comment either.

Shou laughed again and hopped around the room. “Oh Ritsu, Ritsu you gotta try hovering now. You’ll become a real star!” He snickered at his own bad joke.

Ritsu chuckled softly and let his powers raise himself towards the ceiling, just as Shou started to preform acrobatics on the floor. Shou looked up at Ritsu and grinned that same grin he had whenever he was about to show Ritsu a particular bad pun he had found on the internet. Ritsu silently braced himself.

“Wow! I’m starstruck!” Shou slapped a hand to his chest before collapsing into squeaking giggles. Ritsu let out a few soft chuckles, more in response to Shou’s laughter rather than him finding any real humor in the pun.

When Shou finally calmed down Ritsu let himself descend towards the floor.

Then Shou peered at him closely, a downturned frown on whatever passed for a mouth in this form. Then he hooked his arms behind his back and leaned away. Ritsu chewed at the inside of his cheek, wondering just what had caused Shou’s sudden downturn in his mood.

Just as he was about to speak, Shou beat him to the punch.

“You’re not blinking your third eye. Is something wrong?” Shou shifted again and looked down. “Do you not like this form or something?”

Ritsu’s expression became puzzled. “No, this is…” He searched for the right word as nothing was coming to mind other than the look of Shou’s unearthly frown. “This is fun.” He finished confidently.

“Then why….?” Shou trailed off before just pointing to the top of his forehead, where his third eye sat.

Ritsu raised a hand at touched at the spot where a third eye would be, ignoring the way that Shou flinched and cringed as Ritsu pressed his fingers against his “eye”. “Oh that, umm, I don’t really have a third eye, it’s just there.” Well that and he kind of wanted it there too, to look more like his brother.

Shou snorted, getting over his discomfort at Ritsu poking his “eye”. “So you don’t have a third eye? Lame, why are you making it look like you do?”

“Well I have yet to see any Starchildren with only two eyes.” Ritsu crossed his arms, wondering just what was so important about a third eye. It was just like having an extra one of the two he already had, right?

“Yeah but, you don’t have a third eye? I mean you can’t even see out of it?” Shou waved his hand to gesture something, but Ritsu wasn’t sure what Shou was trying to say. He stayed quiet.

At the lack of response, or at least lack of the response he had been looking for, Shou grew more agitated.

“Come on, at least tell me you have decent perception with that form.” Shou flicked his tail in Ritsu’s general direction. Then sneakily he started to float the pencils to the side of Ritsu’s head behind his ear, making them form different letters that spelled out a rather offensive word or three.

After all one of the perks of being like them was apparently seeing stuff in a lot wider field of vision.

“Well I can see you just fine if that’s what you mean.” Ritsu started to wonder just what Shou was doing. Then noticing how he was staring straight ahead, Ritsu whirled around to look behind him and saw the floating pencils.

“Hey!” Ritsu whipped his head back to glare at his friend.

Shou did not notice that he had lost his telekinetic grip on the pencils even as they clattered noisily onto the desk. He was too busy staring at Ritsu’s bizarre movements. Surely he could see the pencils as soon as he had started to move them, right?

His tail started to flick around in agitation. “Hey come on now, this isn’t funny. Stop playing around here.” Instead of his normal crackles and chirps and squeaks, he started to let off the low growl of a pissed off tiger.

Ritsu growled right back, clenching his hands into fists. “You’re the one playing around. What’s your problem?”

Shou threw out his arms, and even phased one halfway through the hallway wall. “My problem? What’s yours? Why can’t you see right?”

Oh, so this was about the lack of his third eye. Well he had thought that Shou remembered that he was just a human- with a few extras in the form of star powers- but still only human. He didn’t think he would have to remind Shou about his species, but if that was the problem… Ritsu unclenched his fists and put up his hands in a pacifying gesture.

“Um, Suzuki you know I don’t really have a third eye right? I’m just a human. You’re the Starchild here.”

Shou reacted as if he had been smacked, jolting away from Ritsu and his growl grew loud enough to fill the room.  

“I am not-“ Shou started to growl before cutting himself off. The thing was, Ritsu might be right. He didn’t know. He wasn’t sure. He didn’t want to know.

“At least I don’t have to worry about the source of my powers coming from the energetic castoffs and radioactive fallout of my brother. You know, like the one who fucked you up so bad that you don’t even register as human anymore to those stupid government officials.”

Shou had once eaten acid before, and right now it felt like it was seeping out of the corners of his mouth. Give him something, anything, just let it burn. Let it dissolve away into nothing.

Ritsu dropped his false-Starchild form. His stricken face made Shou’s wrath falter for a bit, but then he snarled at Shou and Shou’s temper burned again in his chest.

“At least it wasn’t intentional –like an experiment.” Ritsu’s eyes glinted in the low red-tinted light that radiated off of Shou.

“I never asked for him to do the things he did!”

Ritsu barked a sardonic laugh and crossed his arms, and allowing himself to stand up straight instead of leaning down into Shou’s personal space.

“No, but you helped, didn’t you?”

It wasn’t hard to let his words fling like daggers. Wasn’t hard to draw up every single thing he knew and then sharpen each syllable to a needlepoint. And he had to know was that Shou had helped his father once upon a time.

That was all that was needed.

The growling suddenly cut off. And it felt like the entire world had fallen silent as the two stared at each other. Ritsu with his two eyes, and Shou’s three white-hot ones.

Various items around the room were floating, though neither were sure who exactly was doing it.

Standing there felt like an eternity to Ritsu, all of his thirteen years of life compressed and packed away into a bubble. And now it was only him and Shou and he would not be the first to break his gaze.

But then Shou spoke, a sentence that almost could be thought of as a whisper, almost unheard under the new rumbled erupting from Shou. Instead of growling his voice was laced with the erratic snapping and dull roar of wood collapsing in an inferno.

“At least I didn’t decide to be so stupidly flashy and so show off with my powers so much that a whole organization noticed.”

Ritsu froze. Then, with ice in every word he told Shou to leave. “I’m not going to argue with you now. Get out. Now. Come back when we’ve both calmed down.”

Shou’s fiery head brushed the top of Ritsu’s ceiling as he rose as much as he could within the confined space. “Gladly.” He spat the word like it was something dirty and then he vanished.

Ritsu held his position, tense and ramrod straight. Waiting just a few seconds more to make sure that Shou had really left.

Then when he was sure that Shou wasn’t going to pop in again. That the other wasn’t just going to pop his head through the window and say that it was all a big joke or something, anything, that would erase these past few minutes. When he was sure that Shou had left, Ritsu mechanically took a few steps and then collapsed bonelessly onto his bed. He curled around a pillow at his chest and tried not to scream.

 ---

Sometime later, after Ritsu had stared at his bedside wall for several minutes, he sighed and got up. There was no use moping around. He glanced around the room, now much less ordered than before, with pencils and pens scattered across the floor and pieces of paper that had fallen every which way.

Deciding that he didn’t want to stay in here anymore, he quickly set a few things right to make it look presentable- in case his mother or father came back home. Then he set out, letting his shoes hit heavily against the concrete. At first he just picked a random direction and started to walk. It wasn’t until he saw several familiar apartment buildings that he realized he had started to head towards Reigen’s house.

Well, at least he could hope his brother was there. Ritsu couldn’t remember exactly why his brother had been out of the house, though he guessed that it was likely because of his “mentor”.

Ritsu walked up the stairs and knocked a few times on the door before taking a step back. Just in case there was someone who needed to shrink back down before the door was opened. But when the door did fling open, Ritsu only saw Reigen looking as human as ever.

“Hello, may I come in?” He asked politely and Reigen stepped aside to let Ritsu in.

“So, can I ask what brings you to my humble abode?” Reigen’s words were lighthearted. “Or are you planning on becoming my apprentice too?” He teased.

“I’m just looking for my brother.” Ritsu said shortly, he was in no mood for anything but to check in on his brother and maybe as if they could go for a walk together. Like when they were kids.

“Sorry kiddo Mob and Hanazawa are out ‘shopping’.” Ritsu could hear the quotes on the word, but before he could ask for more information, Reigen was already elaborating. “Really I think it’s just Hanazawa wants to drag Mob around to all the cafes he’s found.”

Ritsu nodded, this made sense. Teru had suddenly decided that he liked the taste of cold ice brewed coffee two weeks ago. And Mob, who enjoyed just about anything with milk in it, would be more than happy to accompany his friend.

Reigen gave him an odd look. “And besides, Mob had a thing today with his club. He only came here to change into new clothes and leave with Hanazawa. He told me that he had been planning to be out the whole day.”

Ritsu shrugged slightly. It wouldn’t have bothered him had Shou stuck around like they had planned.

Thinking of Shou made him frown. And Reigen must have spotted something off in his expression because he patted the back of the couch in silent invitation. A dark haired man was here as well, curled up with hot tea and a blanket over his shoulders in front of Reigen’s tv. Ritsu hadn’t really seen much of him when everything was going down with CLAW but he guessed that this was Serizawa, the newest starchild edition to Reigen’s tagalong group. Mob had told him a bit about the man.

Serizawa looked up quickly at the new guest, and Reigen jumped in with introductions. “Serizawa this is Mob’s little brother, Ritsu. Ritsu this is Serizawa, my friend.”

Ritsu smiled politely. “Hello.”

Serizawa gave a small smile and a little wave, the blanket clinging to the sleeves of his sweater. “Hello, it’s nice to meet you Ritsu.”

Reigen plopped down on the couch’s arm, right next to Serizawa and gestured again for Ritsu to sit down. Ritsu allowed himself to halfway fall into the plush couch. How Reigen enjoyed this thing he would never understand.

“So, now that introductions are out of the way, why did you come here Ritsu? Did Mob not tell you he was going to be busy today?” The two knew well enough that Mob could often be found at his mentor’s house. Even more often than usual now that Hanazawa was almost constantly over as well.

If it were normal circumstances Ritsu probably would have just claimed that he forgot and left without disturbing the two any more than he already had. But he couldn’t get some of the things Shou had said out of his head, and well, the experts were right in front of him.

Turning to Serizawa, Ritsu asked. “What do you see out of your third eye?”

Serizawa looked surprised at being questioned, but he answered anyway. “The same as my other eyes. Though I’ve been told that my vision differs greatly from a humans.” He suddenly pointed at something that Ritsu was certain he would not have been able to see if he were facing the same way Serizawa did. “Like you’re not able to see around you? It’s so strange.” He had the same tone one might use when hearing about a mantis shrimp’s way of several more colors than the human eye; except from the point of view of the mantis shrimp.

Ritsu nodded, folding his hands under each other. Well that certainly explained what Shou was doing when he was floating those pencils behind his head.

“Why do you ask Ritsu?” Serizawa inquired curiously.

“Well Suzuki and I were seeing what each other’s powers could do.” Ritsu had no trouble explaining this part, at least their goal for the day had made sense. “And after testing a few things out, I showed Suzuki this.” He stood up and gathered the light around himself, transforming him into a creature devoid of color and filled in with space and stars, plus three glowing white eyes.

“And then he got really upset that I couldn’t see right for some reason.” Ritsu let the light that had warped around him drop away as he fell back into the too plushy couch.

Reigen, who had politely kept quiet as Ritsu questioned Serizawa decided that maybe he and the kid were on the same page when it came to a certain fact about his friend.

“Ritsu, did Shou ever tell you what he was?”

Ritsu’s eyebrows knit together. “No?” Because for all that he had assumed that Shou was a Starchild through and through, the fact of the matter was that Shou had never outright told Ritsu that he was a Starchild.

Reigen nodded, looking solemn and serious. “Well, I suppose that answers my question.”

“Why do you ask? Did he tell you that he was something else?” Ritsu questioned, focusing his gaze on Reigen.

“He told me when I asked for his species that he was human, “like Ritsu!”. To quote him.”

Reigen shrugged and idly picked at a part of the couch. The room was silent for a moment before Reigen continued. “I mean, I had just guessed that he didn’t want to tell some agent that he wasn’t human. But I’ve had my suspicions.”

Ritsu started to put together the pieces of what Reigen was saying, and what he wasn’t. “You think he thought that he was human?” Ritsu could hardly believe that such a thing even entered his thoughts, let alone be something he was seriously considering. After all it was Shou. Shou who had been moving things for years and years, who ate rocks and metal and wood and paper on a regular basis, Shou who would switch between forms like changing one set of clothes for another, be it the formal clothes of walking out and about amongst humans or settling down for the night in his Starchild form’s pjs.

Shou wasn’t human. That much became obvious once you spent more than a day in his company.

Reigen shook his head, holding up his hands, palms up. “No, or I don’t know. My guess was that he didn’t know what he was.” Reigen gave Ritsu a Look. “Besides, Mob’s your brother and you saw how he was when I first met him.”

Ritsu nodded remembering how his brother and he had just thought that he had psychic powers, not anything more. Though he did almost argue that surely Shou, with the amount of times he switched between Starchild and human form, thought that he was fully human. Before a thought occurred to him and he shut his mouth with a click of his teeth.

After all, it wasn’t as if the Starchildren themselves knew what was and wasn’t normal for them.

They just did what they always did. Mob lived as he did as a human, Teru ate strange and random things but before Mob shifted only rarely, and CLAW’s boss, Shou’s father well… he didn’t bear talking about with all of the things he had done in the name of “research”.

“You said that he got upset with you?” Serizawa piped up from his spot on the couch.

Ritsu jumped slightly having gotten so lost in his thoughts that he had honestly forgotten that the other man was there.

Ritsu averted his eyes, staring at the coffee table rather than look up as he admitted with a bitter twist to his mouth that he had gotten upset at his friend. “Yeah, when I had told him that I didn’t really have a third eye- it’s just a trick of the light. And I explained it’s because I’m just human.” Ritsu glanced at Reigen for a moment, wondering if he was going to protest, but Reigen was silent.

“And then Suzuki he…” Ritsu sighed, clenching his thumb in his fist for a moment before letting go with a sigh. “He got angry. And it made me angry too.”

Serizawa nodded and took the blanket from his shoulders. He stood up and walked around the couch before gently settling the blanket across Ritsu’s back.

“It sounds like it might be a good idea to talk with him again. To clear the air.” And to apologize, he did not say, but he was certain that Ritsu was a smart enough boy to think it.

Absentmindedly Ritsu reached up to pull the corners of the blanket closer to him and nodded mournfully. Even without the idea that Shou wasn’t entirely sure what he was, now in his head; he knew that he had been sharptongued and threw out words without thinking. Words that were meant to sting. And looking back at Shou’s reactions, the way he had fallen silent, Ritsu knew at least a few had met their intended mark.

Then Reigen stood up and clapped a hand onto Serizawa’s shoulder. “All right then, let’s go!”

From his seat on the couch Ritsu looked up at Reigen, unimpressed. “How will we find him? You’ve told me before that the Men in Black’s equipment can’t pick up Starchildren in human form.”

“I might be able to find him. If he’s not in human form that is.” Serizawa offered hopefully.

After all, if he could help The Presid-, if he could help Shou then it would be worth it to try. Even more so since he knew that a Shou left to his own devices spelled chaos for everyone involved. Though he wasn’t sure what kinds of chaos causing things Shou would do now.

Reigen turned to beam at Serizawa. “That’ll be great! Can you try it from here or do we need to go outside?”

Serizawa shook his head. “No no, just give me a bit of room.” He walked to the other side of the room and dropped his human form.

Ritsu’s eyes widened at seeing the large Starchild- Staradult? names were confusing- in front of him. “Wasn’t he a lot smaller before?”

Reigen waved his hand dismissively. “Yeah but that was a while ago. Now he’s a lot bigger.”

“Okay, I think I have an idea of where he is.” Serizawa rumbled before shifting back into a human. “I don’t think he decided to go too far from here.”

“Good, now let’s get going. The sooner you talk about these things the better.” Reigen eagerly started to herd Serizawa out the door while Ritsu carefully piled the blanket back onto the couch and then rushed out of the apartment.

He had a friend to talk to.

 ----

When Ritsu had told him to leave Shou made himself invisible and stayed that way. He wrapped the light around him like a cloak in wintertime, like a blanket to hide under. Like the world’s most perfect hiding spot. Shou sighed, he didn’t really think all that much on where he was going, he had just flown away as fast as he could go. He didn’t want to think about what he and Ritsu had argued about, and he certainly didn’t want to think about the implications of what Ritsu had said.

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair and he wanted to scream so loud that all the glass in the city would shatter from the force of his screech. He wanted to raze everything to the ground and feast on the ashes.

He wanted to split open the Earth and burrow into the molten center because he knew he could survive a lot of things and maybe the Earth’s core was a place to belong.

Because he sure as anything had lost humanity on his list of things he could be.

Shou crossed his arms as he floated over a park on the outskirts of Spice City. He stared for a long time at the dead fall leaves blowing around on the cement, willing himself to think of anything but what had happened in Ritsu’s bedroom.

Finally he sunk down towards the ground. Hovering still, though this time instead of looking down on everything, he was at a human’s eye level if he were visible.

Shou made his way over to a patch of bare trees and prickly underbrush. And quick as a lightning strike he snagged a crispy brown leaf, only to crunch it apart between his fingers. And he replayed the things that Ritsu had shown him to make him positive that he was not like his friend. That he really truly was not human.

And he doesn’t really understand why he cares about this so much. After all, he had been a strange little nonhuman thing for years and it never bothered him.

But that wasn’t it, was it? Ritsu, by sheer virtue of being himself, had offered Shou another option. One that didn’t involve Touichirou at all.

It really was too good to be true. And here he was believing in something he should have known was a false hope from the start.

As a child he had never cared what he was; only that he was here on Earth. It never even occurred to him to question just how he got here. He had been happy playing around, showing off the things he could do to his mother and his father, and eating the most random of things like lava rocks and cardboard boxes.

And then his mother left.

And then his mom left and she left him with Touichirou and he couldn’t figure out why she had gone. Why she didn’t take him with her.

Shou had never asked his mother why. When they talked he couldn’t bring himself to make the words form in his mouth, let alone even think about what she might say in reply. And he never once asked his father either.

His mouth twisted at the thought of Touichirou and he snarled at the leaf. “Stupid pops, still screwing everything up even though he’s been put away in jail.”

Shou twisted the leaf in his hands- over and over again, growling low and dangerous now. “I mean it’s not like I ever asked to be his kid.”

“And then… Then Ritsu showed up and I thought that maybe- Maybe I didn’t have to be his kid. And maybe I could still be my mom’s too.” Shou made the forest trees light up with the sound of the low popping of a fire about to burn itself out.

The leaf ripped apart in two, the halves jagged.

They fluttered to the ground.

“But turns out I was just fooling myself.”

He levitated a few into his hand, though to outside eyes it would have looked like a sudden breeze merely whisked them away. And then squeezed his hand into a fist, the leaves made a satisfying crunching sound as they broke apart under his pressure.

Shou looked at the leaf crumbs dispassionately as they clung to his star covered hand.

“Maybe… maybe she was right to have left me with him.” The whisper came almost unbidden as he sunk lower towards the roots of the trees. He pressed his back against the tree trunk, sighing heavily.

“Maybe she knew that I was his… and not hers. In species if nothing else.” Shou curled his arms around him and squeeze his eyes shut. His head was full to bursting and his body ached and he was almost certain these hurts surely came from the feelings that were warring within him.

Almost certain, maybe. Just another thing he didn’t know for sure. He didn’t care about knowing this either.

He stared morosely at the pile of dead leaves and trace amounts of garbage. Catching sight of a few dark clouds he glanced up to the sky wondering if it would rain.

He huffed a soft laugh, still hearing the low sounds of fire popping in his ears. Figures that it would rain on a day like this.

“I just wanted…” He started to tell the sky, but then trailed off, at a sudden loss for words. He didn’t even know what he wanted. But it wasn’t this.

He wishes that he didn’t have to even think of this. He wishes that he could see the swirls of color across his body and play connect the dots like he used to with his mom. He wishes that he could go back to Ritsu’s place and debate about what kinds of things hamsters could say if they could talk in human tongues.

He sighed and his tail curled more tightly around him and resolved to just not think for the next while.

 ---

Serizawa had led them to a park about a 20 minute walk away from Reigen’s apartment. It was deserted, as to be expected with the chill in the air and the clouds overhead threatening rain. No person ought to be at the park at this time.

It was a good thing Ritsu didn’t care for much for “ought”.

“So here?” He questioned softly.

“I think so, this is where I felt him in the apartment anyways. He might have moved.” Serizawa said looking around a little nervously as if Shou would appear by jumping out of nowhere and startling him.

Reigen put a steadying hand on Serizawa’s shoulder. “Then we can start searching here.”  

Ritsu nodded his agreement and began to walk around the edge, while the other two walked through the center of the park.

He was only about a quarter of the way around when he heard a group of trees burst into cicadas chirping. Ritsu smiled to himself and went to stand close to where the sound was the loudest.

When he had narrowed it down to about two trees, he looked to where he assumed his friend to be floating invisibly. “Suzuki,” He began a little hesitantly but his voice grew more solid as he spoke. “Suzuki, listen. Could we please talk?”

Shou’s human form suddenly popped into existence a little to the left of where he had been looking. Ritsu still jumped from the surprise, though he quickly recovered.

“How’d you know I was here?” Shou seemed… sheepish of all things as he clasped his hands behind his back. Like a child with their hand caught in a cookie jar.

“Cicadas in winter. Really, you weren’t even trying to be subtle.” Ritsu crossed his arms, trying to look stern but a bright grin overtook his face within seconds and Shou laughed.

Ritsu sighed to himself in relief. Glad to see his friend acting much more like he was used to, and not still overwhelmingly angry like before in his room. The memory sobered his grin.

“Look Suzuki-“ He began but was cut off by Shou.

“No, listen Ritsu,” He paused trying to figure out the best way to word his thoughts before they tumbled out of his mouth. Then after about three seconds, he let them loose anyway.

“It was my fault, I got upset and I wasn’t even thinking and I said those things and I’m just- I’m really really sorry.” Shou clasped his hands behind his back again. “You weren’t the one who I was angry at, you were just a convenient target.” He scuffed the ground with his shoe. “And I’m sorry.”

Ritsu nodded. “Apology accepted.” He decided against crossing his arms and slipped his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “My turn now?”

Shou looked confused but nodded. And Ritsu barreled ahead because either Shou was confused because he didn’t know what Ritsu wanted to talk about, or he was confused that Ritsu was apologizing to him and either way Ritsu needed to say his part now.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten upset and said the things I did.” Ritsu looked down, replaying the words he had used without a care to hurt his best friend. “You’re not like your father, you’re you. And you’ve always been you, ever since I first met you. And I want us to still be friends.”

Ritsu’s world was quiet for a few moments before he suddenly heard a bright laugh and was enveloped in a hug.

He wrapped his arms around his friend and hugged Shou back.

“Of course we’re still friends!” Shou said once the two had let go of each other. “What’s that old saying about soldiers? Those who’ve fought back to back don’t ever forget each other.”

Ritsu snorted a laugh before desperately adjusting his hoodie to hide the stupid face he was making. “I have no earthly idea where you heard that Suzuki.”

Shou grinned widely and poked at Ritsu’s shoulder. “Perhaps it wasn’t even on earth~” He singsonged as Ritsu tugged at his jacket in retaliation for the poke.

“Come on you, that agent Reigen and Serizawa are freezing their butts off out here.” Ritsu started to tug Shou back towards the adults.

Once Reigen saw Shou he hollered to Serizawa that Ritsu had found him and rushed over to check on the boys. Once it was determined, after some fussing- most of it by Serizawa surprisingly enough, that the two were all right; Reigen started to lead the group as they resumed walking. After a few minutes Ritsu noticed that it was a direction away from his apartment.

Sneaking a quick glance at the two Starchildren, well one Starchild and one possible Starchild, Ritsu saw that both of them were content to follow the agent.

“So why are we heading away from your place?” Ritsu asked curiously, wondering what kind of strange and possibly work related answer the man would have.

Reigen gave the group a wide, sinister smile. “Well, since Hanazawa isn’t here to eat me out of house and home I figured we could go to a restaurant.” Suddenly Reigen gave Shou a suspicious look. “You won’t eat everything on the menu right?”

Shou grinned and shook his head ‘no’, knowing exactly who Reigen was talking about.

Ritsu laughed and put his hand up next to his mouth to “secretly” say loud enough for the entire group to hear. “Just feed him a bunch of rocks before we go in. It’s what I do.”

Shou howled with laughter, somewhat literally as Ritsu could hear the sound of a pack of neighborhood dogs start howling in response. And Serizawa burst into giggles.

Meanwhile Reigen nodded seriously. “Thank you for that tip.”

[psychicdinneranon-blog]

A sun will always sing for you

Look FLUFF! And Ritshou! In the MiB AU, as this AU has currently eaten my brain.

The title is a slightly modified line from I carry your heart with me by e.e. cummings

Part of a series! star cores is qcatter’s sequel to this and this is the picture that qcatter also drew for this lovely mess!

If questioned why he was learning the waltz to an old country song that Shou swore was the way he had learned it, Ritsu would say that it was all Shou’s fault.

But really, he supposed he should take his fair share of the blame. When he had said off handedly that he did not know how to waltz Shou had perked up from his spot on the bed, and he said with a hopeful trill in his words and a soft smile.

“Would you like me to teach you?”

They had argued for three minutes straight- Ritsu had counted, about just whether or not Shou actually knew how to waltz. His friend knew a lot of things, Ritsu did not believe that his friend who liked to have with two feet off the ground as much as possible, actually knew the steps to a dance. So Shou floated off the bed and effortlessly shifted into his more human shape and offered his hand to Ritsu like this was just another one of their adventures.

Of course Ritsu accepted. There was never any question about that.

Shou smiled brilliantly and started to narrate just what in the world he was doing with his feet.

“So like you have to push forward and then step back like this.” Shou’s hands tugged lightly at Ritsu’s. Ritsu followed with little effort, though after the next step he went forward instead of backwards and almost stepped on Shou’s toes.

“Ugh, sorry.” He muttered, correcting his stance and Shou laughed lightly. Underneath the laughter Ritsu thought that he could hear cicadas singing.

Although this being the middle of summer, perhaps that sound was not Shou. For once.

“It’s fine. You aren’t too heavy.” Shou laughed as Ritsu untwined their hands at cuff him lightly on the back of his head.

“Stop it, you’re breaking my concentration.” Ritsu said around a smile. Shou merely laughed louder and continued to trace the steps onto the floor. One step back, pause, another foot to follow the first, and a step to the side. Repeat ad infinitmum.

“You won’t need concentration while I’m here.” Shou winked dramatically and pulled Ritsu’s hand closer to his heart. “After all I’d never let you fall.”

Ritsu grinned and tried not to let out the laughter that was bubbling up in his chest. But then Shou grinned his “cat got the cream” smile and Ritsu forgot to hold himself back. His laughter filled the room and mingled with Shou’s and the chirping cicadas and bounced back into his ears, almost unrecognizable from when it had escaped his mouth.

All the while Shou led him in this quiet and repeated dance. With the way the sunbeams filtered slightly through his blinds and turned the entire room golden, Ritsu felt like he had been transported to another world.

One made for just him and Shou and the sounds of their laughter echoing in his ears.

Then after a few more times Shou got a mischievous grin on his face and suddenly Ritsu was being dipped backwards. He shrieked and clutched onto the cream colored sleeves of Shou’s jacket.

Shou’s laughter filled the room again, and he righted the two of them. “Okay I think you’ve got it now. Do you want to try with music?”

Ritsu rolled his eyes at his friend and untangled his limbs from his friend. “Yes, and a little warning next time.” He said mildly as he brushed off his hands. Shou smirked and just winked in response as he danced over to the laptop.

“I’m gonna pull up the song I learned to dance to. I think I remember the title, hopefully that’s enough.” Shou paused as he looked over the site.

“You never told me, how did you learn to waltz anyways?”

“Oh, my mother taught me when I was a kid.” Shou smiled at the memories, and his eyes grew distant. “When I was, I dunno, five, maybe six? She and I were sitting in the living room listening to the radio. Well mom was, I think I was just coloring or something. But then this song came on and she asked me if I wanted to dance with her.”

He gestured to the honeyed light seeping into the room. “It was late afternoon too, I remember the light. And she taught me the steps and we danced and twirled and the next song came on and we kept dancing.”

He pushed the play button and made sure that the song would stay on repeat before standing up straight and offering his hands to Ritsu again.

“Sounds like a good memory.” Ritsu murmured softly, pushing his palms against Shou’s.

“It is. And now I can say that I’ve taught you how to dance too!”

“Yeah you can.” Ritsu fell silent as he listened to the music. At first he concentrated solely on his feet; but as Shou’s soft humming mingled with the melody of the music he started to close his eyes and began to waltz by feel and memory and the Shou’s gentle guidance.

When Ritsu opened his eyes again, Shou’s hand had taken on new color, bright red mixed with deep orange along with the ever present array of pink that Shou claimed he had since forever. And he was no longer stepped on the ground, but hovering, still in time to Ritsu’s movements.

Shou looked at Ritsu with his three eyes and jagged smile, every one of them shining. he was sure that had the sun set, Shou would be glowing as brightly as the full moon.

Not that we wasn’t bright already, with his vibrant reds and amber oranges. Ritsu smiled and pressed their palms closer. And Shou spread his fingers and entangled them in Ritsu’s.

Then slowly, to the last fading notes of the song Shou let all three of his eyes fall closed and pressed his forehead to Ritsu’s.

Ritsu stilled for a moment, and then nudged back gently.

And suddenly, without the thought even really passing through the forefront of his consciousness Ritsu leaned in further and gave Shou a gentle peck on his lips.

He had misjudged the distance slightly and ended up accidently giving his friend a slight nip. He pulled back, his cheeks flushed with both affection and embarrassment. He watched his friend’s reaction carefully, a half formed excuse on the tip of his tongue.

But seeing Shou’s eyes snap open and the way he had made this quiet little gasp had Ritsu thinking that maybe he hadn’t screwed this up.

Shou pressed himself closer to Ritsu, chest to chest. And it was as close as their palms had been while they had waltzed. He again pressed his forehead to Ritsu’s and Ritsu now let his eyes slip closed.

Ritsu reached up and put his arms around Shou’s midsection in a hug. He felt the gentle squeeze of his friend’s tail in gratitude, in affection, in trying to press this quiet moment drenched in gold into the both of them so that it would never fade away.

“May I?” Shou barely breathed the question and Ritsu gave the slightest of nods. He was sure that Shou could feel it.

And Shou pressed his own lips to Ritsu’s and this time it was Ritsu getting nipped.

And with any human, Ritsu figured that this would be an invitation for something more, to deepen the kiss perhaps. But Shou just pressed his lips to Ritsu’s again, almost nuzzling into his friend, and Ritsu wanted nothing more in the world.

He could feel Shou’s tail slowly twine around his legs and Ritsu made to take a few steps back so that he could sit on the bed. But he had miscalculated and tripped backwards, falling against his bed and dragging Shou down with him.

The two ended up in a tangle of limbs and a mild amount of chaos as they both shrieked with laughter as they righted themselves. Shou began to move back to give Ritsu some space, so Ritsu grabbed his tail and wound it around his hand carefully; reeling Shou in like an anchor from the sea.

“Like I’m letting you go now.” And Shou pressed his forehead against Ritsu’s again, his soft, breathless laughter quieting as Ritsu pressed his lips against the starchild’s.