#this is why i am so slow and don't do as many ask games either :3

[hellodropbear]

like she used to (IV)

alexia putellas x sister

chapter I, II, III

sorry this took longer! have been very busy with work and uni for the past few days :)

~~~~~~

Aitana has been suspicious of something all week. I feel her eyes on me during training, when we're in the locker room, as she drives me home and as I walk up to my front door.

But she doesn't say anything and I am grateful. Because if she did say something, I don't think I would be able to answer without telling her every single thing on my mind.

Nobody wants that. Not me, not Aitana. Probably not Alexia either.

So instead, I sit in the midfielder's car quietly, only speaking when she prompts me to, although even that has slowed down over the past few days. She was confused the first time I told her I didn't want to stop for ice cream, and I was grateful that she didn't ask again.

"you're sure? You've never refused ice cream before, lena!"

All I could do was shake my head, keeping my eyes focused on the road ahead.

I get home and I go straight to my room which is easy enough, considering Mami comes home from work late. I am supposed to be going to school, but Aitana doesn't know that and Mami doesn't know any different. She thinks I am there, and as long as I pick up the phone to my personal tutor in the evening, the school won't bother contacting my mother.

I shouldn't be skipping school, but I can't face going there and being asked all those questions about how great it is to be training in the first team, to finally have broken through into a squad that I would hopefully play with for most of my career.

But it isn't great, not really. My life has become a game of hide and seek, escaping rooms that my sister enters, too afraid to even face her.

I am not scared of her, more of what she will say. I am barely coping as it is and anything she says will just make it worse. It is best to just leave her alone, keep my distance.

And I think she thinks the same. She said she was going to take a step back, after all.

Not that is has been any different from before she took that step back. Her back was already against the wall, on the other side of the room from me. Any further and she would leave my life completely which does not seem possible, considering we play for the same club.

But I wish she wasn't so far away, I wish that I could just reach out and grab her attention, for her to know that I needed help without even having to ask.

And it hurts me, more than I'd like to admit, that her friends know exactly how to make me feel better, to make me feel valued, worthy. But she is just there, like a fly on the wall, always watching but never doing anything.

Even the more clueless ones have started to realise that things are not perfect between me and Alexia. We are never in the same room together, I leave training with Aitana every day. It is obvious, we all know it.

So they don't push us together. They don't talk about Alexia to me and they don't ask why we don't drive home together, why she isn't the first person to give me a hug if I score in training.

They don't want me to be compared to her any more than I already have been.

Because on top of all the personal issues, there is a lot of pressure, being her sister.

'Will Elena Putellas follow in her sister's footsteps?'

'The younger Putellas - set to be better than Alexia Putellas, but still hasn't come off the Barcelona bench.'

I've seen the articles, of course I have. Nobody ever mentions it though, nobody mentions the pressure I am under, the pressure I feel to live up to the expectations.

Of course I will not score as many goals as her, of course I will not make a debut at the end of the match like a midfielder often does. It is a lot harder for a centre back to come on as a last minute sub. It is harder for a centre back to score so many goals.

There are feasible reasons why they are saying these things, but none of the news sites think to explore those reasons, exclusively focusing on the negatives.

I don't bring it up because I think that if I mention something even slightly about my emotions, every single thing I feel will all come rushing out, a tsunami wave that will destroy everything I have worked towards.

I have to be strong; I can't let a little bit of pressure overcome me. Alexia had pressure, and she was never swallowed by it.

Alexia was not weak. I can not be weak.

But it feels like the tide has been pulled back, brewing in the deep dark depths of the ocean, preparing to build and build and build until it all becomes too much, until it is here, a huge wave ready to swallow me. Too late to escape, too late to stop it.

But quelling the wave does not seem like something I can do.

The only thing I can do about it is play my piano.

It is thing I am most grateful for, my piano that brings me closer to my father, the one thing I have that nobody else does.

I may not have his memories, but I don't think any memories could match the connection I feel, just sitting on his stool, my fingers dancing on the keys that his hands once graced, the keys that we used to play together.

It was the one thing that we shared, just the two of us. Something that neither of my sisters or my Mami could understand. All they know is to leave me be when I am playing the piano. I don't want to be interrupted and they don't want to face the wrath of my anger if I am stopped before I am finished.

Because it is the only way I can express my emotions and the emotions do not stop coming until the song is finished, until there is a puddle of tears in my lap, fed by the streams that track down my cheeks.

So they leave me be. I want them to leave me with my emotions when I play the piano. But they also leave me with my emotions when I sit in the lounge room, staring at a blank tv screen, staring out the window at just about nothing in particular. I wish they would realise that I don't always want to be left with my emotions.

I wish they could notice that something may be wrong, something more than just the loss of my sister.

Because it feels like more than that. I have never felt so lost in my life.

There is just so much going through my mind at any one time and I can't let it out because once I start I will not be able to stop until my walls have burst and I am nothing but an empty shell of who I was before.

Everything I once was is gone.

Replaced by confusion, hurt, sadness.

And I don't know why, because Alexia isn't all of me, football isn't all of me.

I know it shouldn't be but it feels like it is and even though Alba is right there as well, and Mami and my friends from La Masia, all I can think of is the fact that my older sister doesn't want to be my older sister any more.

And I can't stop thinking about what it could be like, if it was still what it used to be.

~~~~~~

I spend another two weeks wallowing in my confusingly overwhelming emotions before Mapi decides to intervene, intercepting me as I walk towards Aitana after training once again.

"No, you are coming with me today, pequena!"

I didn't even realise Mapi was here, her rehab finishes at the same time as Alexia, an hour before training ends.

She beams and throws her arm over my shoulder, ignoring my disgruntled expression.

"I will see you tomorrow, ABC." I murmer softly, but both Spaniards can hear it.

They both think I am too short to see the concerned look they throw at each other, but I notice it. I notice everything.

Mapi guides me out of the facilities and into her car and I can feel her concern grow as she inspects me from the drivers seat.

"You are not ok, Elena."

Her words are soft but understanding. It surprises me how she could just pick it up like that, I thought it was less obvious.

I thought it was less obvious because nobody has brought it up to me before.

I shake my head, not trusting myself to say anything without crying, although at this point it feels inevitable.

"That's ok. It's ok to not be ok, you know?"

I nod and she continues.

"When you came over the other week, I told you to talk to someone, but I don't think you have, have you?"

I continue my vow of silence by shaking my head, my eyes concentrated on how my hands shake and fidget in my lap.

I am too concentrated on my hands to realise that my eyes have filled with tears, to realise that the first one has slipped out. I only notice when the fat tear lands with a splat on my thumb and I stare at it, my mind full of confusion and unfamiliarity.

I don't understand how I feel, because I feel sad, and angry. They are normal emotions, ones that I have always felt, just usually in a less aggressive and persistent way.

But I feel so... lost, isolated. I feel alone and that is something I am not familiar with, not at all. Usually, I would talk to Alexia about my anger and sadness, but this has been going on for so long, slowly chipping away at my self-confidence, at my happiness. Now all I can feel is the loss of someone. Someone so important.

I may be dramatic, but how else would I describe it? She decided she was too busy and threw me away, a piece of rubbish. How am I supposed to cope with the fact that it's all I am to Alexia?

We used to be so strong as a family, we were always there for each other, nobody left behind. But I can't help but feel like I have been, just a bit.

Mami and Alba love me, Mami and Alba are proud of me. But Mami gets home after I go to bed and Alba has her own life, her own friends. She doesn't need to be pulled back by her little sister who has lost the ability to deal with her own emotions.

It would not be fair for me to pile my problems with Alexia onto Alba. It would not be fair to make her pick a side.

Alexia could be the person that helps me. We have similar schedules, interests, personalities. She knew me like the back of her hand and I knew her equally as well. But I don't think I have ever felt so disconnected from her.

Mapi snaps me out of my daydreaming when she speaks again.

"It is not healthy to keep everything inside of you, pequena, so we are going to the beach and we are talking. I am going to force it out of you because I miss my bright little best friend."

She reaches over and wipes the tears from my eyes, awkwardly pulling me into a hug.

"Everything is going to be ok. You are going to be ok, Elena Putellas, because you have me."

I nod, leaning back into my chair and using my palms to wipe my eyes as Mapi turns the car on and begins to drive out of the carpark.

"Thank you, Mapi." It is a whisper, but she hears me loud and clear, offering me a watery smile before focusing her attention right back onto the road ahead.

The car is quiet as we drive to the beach, Mapi just humming along to her song.

Mapi has always been a big talker. She always says she finds silences uncomfortable and sometimes even slightly overwhelming, so she talks. She talks and talks at a speed that makes it practically impossible to register what she is saying, and the inability to comprehend her spoken thoughts is only heightened by the way she jumps from topic to topic, her voice only increasing in speed and excitement as she gets more and more carried away.

But she is Mapi, and Mapi always talks, so I got used to it, finding her chattiness endearing, she was fun, always happy.

Which is why it is so meaningful when she isn't speaking, like she knows that her words are fruitless and likely not particularly tasteful - they won't be received well.

She is silent as we walk down to the beach and as she lays her rug and pillows out, sitting down and motioning for me to sit down next to her.

She is quiet for a few moments, like she is debating within herself on what she should say and when she should say it, captivated by the way he waves crash onto the sand cyclically, the beaming rays of sun showering the crystal water, the first indicators of the imminent sunset.

When she speaks, it is slow and it is quiet. Her words hug me in a way that has been missed for so long, and I immediately soften; she would have noticed my shoulders relaxing underneath her arm.

"I remember when I first met you." Her eyes are closed and a soft smile rests on her face. "It was before I even joined Barcelona, at my third camp with Spain. I had heard about you before, from Alexia, I knew so much about you from how much she would gush about everything you did every time I spoke to her. In person, over text, she was obsessed with you and sometimes I didn't understand why it seemed like all she spoke about was her little 5 year old sister."

She chuckles, but I stay silent, still staring out at the ocean.

"But then I met you and I immediately understood why she wouldn't stop talking about you. You radiated this happiness, like a little sunbeam. Alexia got you from the barricade after a match, it was only my second ever appearance, but Alexia brought you right over to me and introduced us. You grabbed onto my leg and held it, almost yelling about how cool it was that there was another player to meet."

I smile. I have never heard this story before.

"And then the next time, you recognised me and I was so surprised, so happy. But you were also happy, Elena, you always were smiling, laughing. You would hang from your sisters shoulders and whack her on the back, swinging around in her arms and laughing so loudly that we could hear you from the other side of the pitch. You were always like that, every time I saw you. I found myself looking forward to spain camps even more, because I got to see little Elena Putellas with her big smile and cheeky personality. But recently, I think you have lost a bit of your spark because you do not seem as happy. You seem miserable, lena, and I want to help you find that spark again because I promise, it is not gone forever. It has just been buried so deep by all these emotions that are so big and overwhelming and you can't even find who you are anymore."

Her words strike a cord, and I find that my eyes fill with tears once more, but I do everything I do to hold them back as I speak. There is a long moment of silence as we both look out at the waves before I break it with a quiet inhalation.

"I am so scared, Mapi." My voice breaks but I continue anyway. "I don't know who I am anymore and it is so scary. I don't know what happened or where I went but one day I woke up and I was just a miserable shell of the person I was and I don't know what to do."

She is quick to pull me into a hug as the tears start falling because we both know that once I let out the first cry, I will not be able to stop. Her soft hands through my hair and calm words that flow through the small space we occupy will do nothing to calm the turmoil I am feeling on the inside.

Thinking about it only makes it worse, like I am shaking everything up so it rises to the surface instead of letting it lay undisturbed deep inside of me.

But Mapi's words were like stepping into a turbulent plane, shaking uncontrollably, fear falling over me and triggering emotions that I didn't even realise I had inside of me. The dirt hazes up the water until everything is a big whirlwind of confusion. Emotions moving around to quickly to capture them and try to understand them.

The things I want caught up in the whirlwind of unwelcome mess, the whirlwind that I can't seem to get myself out of.

The injured centre back whispers calm words of affirmation into my ear for a while, her hand stroking up and down my back. It keeps me down to earth, does not let me fall into the trap of a million emotions.

"We will find who you are again, Elena. I will always be here to help you. I am right here."

I want to tell her that I want my sisters to be there to help me. I want Alexia to come back and I want Alba to realise that there is something wrong. But neither of them were there like Mapi is. Alba has tried to be there for me, but she doesn't get it because I don't know what to say.

But all I do is cry in her arms. The sobs soften into quiet whimpers as the sun sets, casting a yellow glow over the beach, but we stay there even as the air becomes cooler and the sky becomes darker.

Mapi decides that I will not be going home that night, not trusting me to take proper care of herself and instead taking me back to her apartment again.

Ingrid is there this time, and she looks at her girlfriend with concern when we walk in, immediately noticing my red face and puffy eyes.

"Hey, Elena." She smiled at me, but I was preoccupied by the little black cat that had begun to circle my legs.

"We had a chat on the beach and decided that because her Mami isn't home, she would stay here the night again."

I picked up Bagheera, tickling under her chin as I sat down on the sofa, trying to ignore the wary glances that were being sent in my direction by the Spaniard and Norwegian.

"I don't know what to do."

Mapi's words were hushed, and by the way she immediately spoke more quietly when she saw my head whip towards them, it is clear that they were not for my ears.

But as I fiddle with Bagheera's fur, I dissect her words. More than I should and definitely more than she wants me to.

She doesn't know what to do with me. She doesn't know how to help, how to fix what has been broken.

She doesn't know whether she should talk to Alexia because it would break my trust. Because telling Alexia could just make it all so much worse.

I think I have been holding onto hope that she really is that clueless and is trying to do what she thinks is best for me. I try to hope that is the reason this has all happened, and not because she simply has forgotten about me, or because she doesn't want to be responsible for me any more.

But honestly, I think it is a mix of all of that. And I think it has evolved from guilt, not watching my games, wanting to avoid the awkward conversations that could have arisen if she had apologised to me.

I wish she knew that an apology would make all the difference. A sincere one, from her heart.

Unprovoked. Just her, being truly apologetic.

Because as humiliating as it is, I would do anything to be back in her arms. I would do anything to have my older sister back, I wish that she would just do something that would make this all go away, to pick up the pieces of my shattered insides and stitch them back together. Eventually, the stitches would dissolve, I would forget all about them and I would be able to function normally again.

But Alexia is not a surgeon, and she would not be able to do that stitching seamlessly. She would use glue, but even that won't put it all back together so perfectly.

There is no way for her to just put it back together and pretend it never happened, to move on like this was just a blip. Because I am different now, I have grown. She has missed so much of my early teenage years - the years that I have most needed her help.

But I am not even sure that Alexia wants that any more; I don't know if she wants to fix this all up and move on.

The dinner table is quiet as I pick at my meal, Mapi encouraging me to eat more than a few bites, claiming she won't leave until my plate has been cleaned up.

Ingrid doesn't utter a single word, instead her green eyes piercing through my skin. I feel exposed to Ingrid, as if she can read everything, understand everything, just from one simple glance.

It is ridiculous, but she is deep in thought so I don't say anything to her either.

It is only when Mapi opens her mouth again that Ingrid's eyes flick over to her girlfriend.

"Does Alba know you feel like this? Or your Mami?"

It is a simple question, but strikes a chord.

No, neither of them know. Neither of them have even noticed a change.

I shake my head roughly, and Ingrid releases a scoff.

I look up, offended.

"What?"

She turns her head to me, confused, so I continue.

"It is not my fault! It is not easy to talk about these things."

"No, no. Elena, that was not directed at you."

She seems apologetic so I have to believe her. I push my chair back, attempting to leave the room with a clutter, cursing my misty eyes for what feels like the millionth time that day.

But me exit is not as seamless as I would have liked, and Mapi is standing right in front of me when I get up, wrapping her arms around me.

It is supposed to be to trap me, but Mapi's arms will never not be a comfort.

I immediately relax into her grip, sighing softly.

"I am so confused."

~~~~~~

Mapi's hands were running through my hair, my lap on the sofa as the tv played that evening. It had been an hour since dinner and the three of us had moved into the lounge room, the silence being filled by the Spanish show on the screen.

But there was a knock on the door and Ingrid sighed, standing up to open it, knowing that neither Mapi or I would get up.

It was both surprising and unsurprising to see Aitana standing there, her hair messy and over of her face, as if she had just been in bed.

"Is Mapi still awake?"

She didn't bother to greet Ingrid, clearly here for a reason. Why else would she have arrived at almost 11 at night.

I couldn't hear Ingrid's response, but I could hear Mapi speaking to me.

"She's worried about you too, Elena. You-"

I love Aitana, I always have.

"I know she is, she is terrible at hiding it. But she has avoided bringing it up. If she wanted me to talk to her I would try my best to, but she hasn't."

Again, I love Aitana and I know she has my best interests at heart. She knows I need to talk about everything to someone, but she also knows that I don't want to. She doesn't want to push even though I can tell she is worried. She is stressed.

Ingrid and Aitana enter as soon as I finish speaking, the Spaniard almost running to where I am lying, placing her hand on my cheek.

"You have been crying."

It is blunt, a bit surprising. I don't really know what to expect from Aitana, she has always been the light hearted one who never would shy from telling me how great I was, but we have never really spoken about melancholy emotions like these.

I suppose there has never really been a need to in the past, that is what Alexia and Alba were for.

She sits down on the floor in front of my face, her knees up to her chest as she stares at me, intensity in her eyes. It is not unlike the intensity she often displays on the pitch, motivated and passionate.

"I will help you." She is decisive. "We will fix this."

I nod softly and she runs her hand down my cheek.

"You are too young to be feeling like this, little Lena. I am sorry I let it get this far."

I look at her in confusion and she pauses before continuing.

"I knew something was wrong. I went to your games at La Masia."

I can tell Mapi is listening closer now.

"I know she didn't go to any."

Mapi gasps, quite loudly, and Aitana gives her a frustrated look, rolling her eyes softly.

"I should have said something to her. She doesn't realise how important you are, how lucky she is to have you."

I frown at her words.

"Lucky?"

It hasn't something I'd ever considered my sisters to be, having to look after a small child for most of their adolescence. Having to please me for so long.

"I used to dream of having a baby sister like you, she is lucky."

Mapi decides it is her turn to add something to the conversation.

"She loves you, Elena, she always has. Of course she thought she was lucky. She needed someone to help her pick on Alba."

There is suddenly a lump in my throat. I think it is the mention of the before that triggered it. The memories are too hard to handle, I usually avoid them at all costs.

My eyes become wet again, apparently, but Aitana just laughs softly.

"You two were just so mean to her, the poor thing."

Mapi lets out a chuckle from above me as well, and I find my mouth turning upwards into a smile.

"I probably should apologise now, shouldn't I?"

Aitana shakes her head, not able to hold back her laughs and Mapi is the same from where I can not see her.

It is when I finally laughed that I feel Mapi soften beneath me and see Aitana exhale a soft sigh of relief. They thought I wouldn't notice, but I did. I notice everything.

"We will fix this, ok?" Aitana was somewhat serious again, her hand patting my face. "We have a day off tomorrow, I will be here and we can all talk. We can all decide what to do next."

"Why are you two doing all this for me?"

Aitana sighs and Mapi's hands pause in my hair.

The midfielder looks above me, as if encouraging her to reply, but I speak up again before she can.

"Alexia is your captain, your teammate. She is your best friend, Mapi. Why are you doing so much for me when we are not speaking?"

There is another pause. It looks like Aitana is about to hit Mapi on the head, but the Spaniard speaks up before she can.

"Alexia has so many people behind her. Alexia is strong, she is experienced and she is older than you. You are just young, pequena and you are so lonely and lost. We want to help the both of you, but we need to help you first."

She pauses and Aitana finds the time to interject. It is like they have been talking about me.

Come to think of it, they probably have.

"You looked like you were going to burst. We knew that you and Alexia weren't speaking, that both of you were having a hard time because of it. But Elena, you looked destroyed. We couldn't leave you to your own devices any more. And Elena, we are doing this because we love you. So, so much."

"Alexia loves you too. More than us. She just does not do a great job of showing it, that's all."

I sigh softly, falling backwards into Mapi's lap, wondering just what I have done to deserve this.

How luckyI am to have my older sisters friends there looking out for me.

Because my family was falling apart and it was my fault. I couldn't do everything alone.

I choose not to think about what would happen if Mapi and Aitana weren't here like they are.

A tear slips down my face again, but this time it is not so sad. It is full of emotion, a grateful tear. Not quite happy, but not sad either.

"Thank you."

~~~~~~

hope you enjoyed :)

this chapter was more to gauge where elena is at, sorry if it was boring!

part V

[dicenete]

Finished Silvio's route, solid 8/10. I mean I still have questions and things I wanted to see explored. Like more about Silvio's past and why he behaved why he did. I mean I got a glimpse of it in the dramatic route a bit. Maybe I will do the romantic route too someday. Congrats Silvio, you got into the second playthrough team. But I'm satisfied with this. So here are some sketches of the ultimate tsundere. I really love that the guy that is all about the money and wealth has taken blue as his primary color. And it is that Lapis Lazuli kind blue = one of the most, if not, the most expensive pigment made. I'm really curious why his hair has a small tuft of dark blue color there. Has he dyed it? Is it natural?

Also more my ramblings... In the prologue, as they set the world, they talk about how this game takes place in late medieval time. (of course a fictional world, but not like fantasy, with magic and such (shame really, I would love there to be some magical elements there)). BUT the clothes... the fashion... They are very modern in many aspects. I know, i know, this is very nit picky of me. This is pretty much like Bridgeton. A period fiction. But really, they didn't need to go give us a reference to a certain time period xd They could have left it even more vague. But alas... This is not really a criticism, as I can totally see past this. I just find it funny.

BUT ONE THING THAT MADE ME PUT MY PHONE DOWN FOR A MINUTE WAS THIS:

My young horse girl self just was ready to smack Silvio off his horse. You don't use reins to encourage horse to go faster! Not even with the carriages either. But especially not when you actually ride a horse. Reins are for steering and slowing down. You use weight and your legs to apply pressure to horse's sides to encourage them to go faster. (ideally you could do this only by using weight, but that needs skill and a sensitive and well trained horse.) Routes and ratings so far (my opinion purely, there is nothing else to it really): 1. Clavis's route, dramatic ending + epilogue. I laughed so much and the theme was very interesting. Cyran was MVP. 9/10 2. Silvio's route, dramatic ending + epilogue. He was an asshole, I wasn't disappointed. Enjoyed the ride and the political shit with usage of money. Giving me Itachi vibes with the gesture of messing your hair. Could have used more Carlo. Also where is Emidio?? 8/10 3. Licht's route, dramatic ending. He edgy but sweet. I wanted to see more of twins being twins and I got some of that. I was happy :slight_smile: And he loves horses, more points from that. 7.5/10 (the reason why I didn't do epilogue for Licht was because I didn't use walkthrough and I didn't want to start paying for those points :0 4. Nokto's route, dramatic ending + epilogue . Playboy, got what I asked for. Entertaining. Could have needed more time with Licht. I want to see brothers being brothers. 7/10 I see my style evolve and I kinda like it. Indulging my teenage aesthetic. Sometimes face shapes get all weird and I'm not sure if it is because they are weird or that I'm becoming blind to them and am just trying to find something weird.

[kikiyoomis]

kissed me breathless

how many drinks has it been? seven? eight? maybe nine?

it may be even more, you've certainly stopped counting after a couple of drinking games that had you too competitive to focus on anything else. everything's a blur, you don't remember who you came here with nor remember the reason why you're here at this house party.

it's early in the morning, possibly 3 or 4 am. the moon is high in the sky and the number of people at the party has significantly decreased since you've arrived. you feel like it's also time for you to leave, to finally go home and reduce the pains of an oncoming hangover but you're unable to bring yourself to.

you're instead threading your fingers through dark, messy curls, tugging it ever so slightly as he continues to kiss you like it was his last time. it probably will be his last time. and so you kiss the stranger back.

he's tall, handsome, and a good kisser on top of that. he's doing everything right. kissing with the right amount of pressure, holding your face tenderly while pulling you in for another round. the kisses are slow, sensual and despite the fact that the both of you are drunk, it was the most romantic make out session of your life. it's clear that he doesn't want to let you go, and you don't wanna go either.

you're not quite sure how you got into this situation. was it the countless shots of liquid courage? this was something sober you wouldn't have ever done. but after hours of doing nothing but make out with this stranger, it has been the most enchanting thing you've done tonight and you don't regret it at all.

"i can't get enough of you," he says, breaking away slightly to catch his breath. you take this chance to really take a look at his face. it's slightly sweaty from kissing you but you find him extremely attractive. the two moles above his eyebrow steals your attention, preventing you from looking away. and his voice was deep and quiet, saying things only for you to hear.

he leans in for another kiss, this one lighter and more cautious than the previous ones. it makes you yearn for more.

and so you kiss him back with more intensity.

i want you, your kisses seem to say.

and he understands it completely, matching your speed and pressure as his other hand slides towards the small of your back to pull you in closer for a deeper kiss.

with your heart pounding, you gather the courage to finally ask the stranger for his name. you don't want to leave this night without knowing the stranger that left you so breathless.

"sakusa," he says, and after a brief pause he adds on, "kiyoomi."

with a smile, you whisper his name back to him. repeatedly saying it between each peck you leave on his lips. it was like the more you said it, the less likely you were to forget it.

"hey, you have to tell me your name too," he says, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. and so you tell him your name.

by now the party is nearly at a standstill, the only people left were those passed out drunk, those waiting for a ride home and the small group of friends still talking and laughing about something that had happened.

sakusa takes a step back, leaving you afraid of him leaving. you knew it would happen soon but "soon" didn't actually prepare you enough for when it was actually going to happen.

"the party is pretty much over," he says to you. you nod in agreement, looking around at your surroundings.

"i don't want you to go," you blurt out honestly. an instance of regret washes over you for saying something so bold and blunt without thinking. but if he leaves, what if this was truly the last time you see him?

"well, i dont plan on sleeping here. it's a one way ticket for various illnesses to enter my body since the end state of this party is so disgusting. i already shouldn't have come here to begin with, my head hurts from all the alcohol miya had me drink," sakusa says in a matter of fact tone, different from the tone he used when he was kissing you.

your heart drops, thinking that this was his moment of clarity and that he regrets the time he has spent with you. you wish it wasn't this way.

he pulls a mask from out of his pocket, looping one end around an ear. "however, my place has a bed fit for two. this party might be done for the night but if you want, ours can end a little later," he says with a grin before covering it with the mask.

you smile at the opportunity, and happily accept it. this was not going to be your last time seeing sakusa.

[bedtimescenarios]

The Highway

Based on this trope that I posted about recently: Whumpee having to pretend that Whumper is their friend, lover, etc. around other people . . .

CW: Kidnapping, injuries, mention of death, blood, non-con touch (not sexual), implied torture, and I think that's all:)

Whumpee panted, clutching the side of their abdomen. They gently lifted up their shirt, wincing as their knuckles brushed against broken, bruised ribs. The pain was intensifying with every step, and their skin was turning purple in too many places. But they couldn't stop. Not now, not when they were so close.

So, despite the stinging pain, they started running again.

They had reached the highway a while ago. At first, they'd been thrilled. It was something they didn't think they'd see again after being stranded in that facility in the heart of the forest for so long. No cars had passed by, which they were thankful for. They didn't want last year's incident to repeat.

Suddenly, the memories flooded their brain. That same highway. Them running, the car stopping to help them. Then, the screaming, the blood. Oh, God, all that blood..

"Please, don't! They're innocent!", they had begged.

To which, Whumper had simply responded: "You brought this onto them."

Those poor people didn't have to die. Death was their reward for being selfless, for trying to help Whumpee.

They still saw the couple whenever they closed their eyes, haunting their dreams as well as their waking life. If only...

They flushed the memories out of their head. Right now, they couldn't afford the guilt swallowing them whole. The only important thing was finding a police station. They sprinted along the highway, ignoring the painful feeling in their limbs. It was definitely less painful than what Whumper would do to them if they were caught, and they were aware of the closing distance between them. Their heart hammered in their chest, their breaths shallow, as whenever they took a full breath in, it almost felt like their ribs were being broken all over again. Run, Whumpee, they tried to motivate themselves. Keep running, or-

"There you are."

Whumpee's heart dropped. Their head whirled around, glancing at Whumper with wide eyes. He wasn't that close, but he wasn't far enough either. If they ran slower, he'd catch up with them.

How much could they keep the pace in their condition? Not long, they supposed.

They thought about venturing into the forest, but Whumper most certainly knew it better than they did. Whumper thought this was all a game, anyway. The highway held their best chance, which was still slim. But hope - it clung onto them like a virus. So they kept running.

At least, until they heard a car honk.

Please, just go. Drive further. Don't look at me, Whumpee pleaded in their head.

"Hey, you there!" A young man's voice echoed.

Shit. Whumpee's heartbeat was going crazy. It would've been better if they'd just died in that facility. Now, this clueless man was at risk. They couldn't let him find anything out unless they wanted him dead. They had to pretend...

They slowed down, put on a joyful face, trying to mask how scared they really were. As they turned, they glimpsed the car, a blonde-haired head sticking through a window. As he pulled over, Whumpee took a few deep breaths. They smiled at the passer-by.

For a second, their smile turned into a wince as they felt Whumper's arms wrap around their waist. The man didn't seem to notice, though, as he just stepped out of the car. Whumpee sunk their fingers into Whumper's arms, trying to mask their shaking.

"Hi, can we help you?" They said.

The blonde walked closer to them, a smile on his face. His eyes betrayed him, full of suspicion and doubt.

"Are you all right?" He addressed Whumpee directly.

Whumper's arms tightened around their body. A warning. Perhaps a reminder. Whumpee tried to seem confused by his question. "Of course I am, why would you ask that?"

"Well-" He quickly glanced at Whumper, "-I saw you running, and I was just.."

"Oh, don't worry!" Whumpee said cheerfully. "I'm just on a run with my boyfriend."

Whumper propped his head on Whumpee's shoulder, making them tense up. When the man's wary expression didn't change, they added: "You know that marathon, the one that's gonna take place in Queens next week?"

He visibly relaxed at the familiarity. "Yeah, you training for it?"

"Yep", Whumper responded, and Whumpee felt them grin. "We're pretty competitive, ya' know?"

Whumpee hated how casual this conversation had become. They wanted to just break down, beg for the man to help them. But they knew better.

"Yeah, I got you. Me and my wife are participating as well!" The man leaned on his car door. "She's wanting to keep fit with our 2nd baby on its way."

Whumpee gulped, but their mouth remained in a smile. "Congratulations!" They said, and the man nodded in gratitude.

"Well, we'll look forward to seeing you there." Whumpee said, silently begging all the deities they believed in to just have the man, the husband, the father, on his way as soon as possible.

"Yeah, us too!" He grinned, getting in his car and turning the key into the ignition. "Have a good day!"

It worked. Whumpee thought. At least he's safe.

"You too!" Whumper smiled, and as the man drove away, they added: "I know I surely will."

At least he's safe, Whumpee repeated in their head, trying to reassure themselves.

As soon as the car was out of sight, Whumpee dropped their act, their eyes teary. But Whumper stayed there, in the same position, his arms tightening even more around Whumpee, who just squeezed their eyes shut at the intensifying pain in their ribs.

Whumper leaned in and whispered in their ear. "I see you've learned. At least, now, the only one who's getting hurt is you."

[cyberarcadecowboy]

Lloyd’s Big Brother (Kai)

This takes place somewhere in S1 Ep6

It was an ordinary morning in the Bounty Cole, Jay, Zane and Nya are in dining room talking, Kai was outside brushing up his skills in training, Lloyd somehow was also outside watching Kai train, Lloyd was bored and he wants something to do so he asked Kai and he trusts Kai the most and besides Kai is already where he is, so might as well ask him, Lloyd walked up to Kai and tapped on his shoulder. Kai turned around and looked at Lloyd with eyebrow arched.

"What do you want?" Kai asked

"I'm bored," Lloyd said

"Oh," Kai said 

Kai rubbed the back of his head trying to think of something, he didn't know many games since he just worked in the forge til he suddenly thought of something.

"I know what we can do," Kai said with a grin

Lloyd felt a bit uneasy but trusted Kai "what?" 

"It's a game Nya and I used to play, it's simple if you get caught you get tickled," Kai said "how does that sound?" 

"Sure! You can't catch me though!" Lloyd said as he ran off

"Oh it's on!" Kai said running after him

Kai didn't think that Lloyd would agree to that, but he didn't complain, Kai kept on chasing Lloyd past the dining room.

The others on the other hand, stopped talking when they saw Kai chasing Lloyd.

"What was that all about?" Zane asked

"Why is Kai chasing Lloyd?" Jay asked

"My answer to both of those questions is, I Don't Know" Cole said

"I don't think it's anything good" Nya said

"Me either, we better stop Kai." Cole said

The others nodded and they ran after Kai.

Kai was still chasing Lloyd, "this kid is fast, or am I just slow?" Kai thought as he turned a corner, as he did he saw Lloyd stopped because there was a wall blocking his way, Lloyd turned around and saw Kai smirk, "gotcha" Kai said, Kai gently tackled Lloyd to the ground, and without waiting he started buzzing his fingers into Lloyd's ribs, Lloyd, squealed and snapped his arms down, Kai chuckled and stopped. “You ok buddy?” Kai asked 

Lloyd nodded, Kai smirked “then I’ll continue” Kai said as he got his hands out, he moved his hands to Lloyd’s hip and squeezed them earning another squeal.

The others on the other hand just caught up to Kai and Lloyd and when they did, they saw Kai tickling Lloyd, they were shocked, and just watched as Kai just annihilated Lloyd, back with Kai and Lloyd, Kai pinned Lloyd’s arms and started spidering his fingers on Lloyd stomach. 

“Kahahahahahahai, StahahaHAHap!” Lloyd giggled, Kai chuckled and unpinned Lloyd’s arms and dug his fingers in lloyd’s armpits, Lloyd shrieked, and snapped his arms down.

“KAHAHAHAHAI STAHAHAHAP NOHAHAHAHAW!” Lloyd laughed, Kai saw Lloyd reached his limit and stopped, Kai chuckled and pulled him into a hug, whispering in his ear “I win” Lloyd pulled out of the hug and pointed behind Kai. Kai turned around and saw the others just staring. “What?” Kai asked “he was bored!” Kai defended, the others just smiled. Kai felt two people hug him, he looked down and saw Lloyd hugging him, but who was the other one? Kai looked at his back and saw Nya… hugging him, 

Kai sighed and thought to himself “my family”  and apparently Lloyd was also thinking something to himself. “Kai’s the best brother ever!” Lloyd thought.

[ink-dreams-ffxiv]

I admit...

@sea-wolf-coast-to-coast Writing Challenge has always been an inspiration for me to write. 90% of my "RP style Writing" is done in either Discord or In-Game. My most recent RP endeavors have been through: https://iyalibeauty.carrd.co/ Outside of that, the mental fog that COVID has left me with made writing difficult. Most of the prompts I was able to do for #FFXIVWrite2024 were due to short ideas I had already in mind. This time around, I had not only a character idea, but, the idea that the character was not in the WOL position, but, on an educational thesis regarding "Sharded People", IE: people who were part of the same "Shard" living in the same occurrence ((IE: People on the Source, who were parts of the same Shard of a person. Rather than being Shards of the "1St and Source" but both being Shards of the Source based on in-game RP)) Now that the #FFXIVWrite2024 has passed, I am at a loss of inspiration. My screenshots are all accidental. I was more of a creative writer, but have really been lacking not only inspiration, but, drive to be more creative with my writing. This isn't a request for inspiration, just, an observation of why my Tumblr seems to really drop off now. As for my OCs: Sahxa is very happily married to her Snowcatte Rocker Paladin of a wife with twin Miqo'kitts. Rehna, who is really my WoL character, is happily mated with her Viera lover, and a student of Sharlayan now, on research for her Archon status. Lhei, has attached himself to a Miqo'te Dragoon, and is in the process of working towards Ishgardian Citizenship. Kohl, well, her story line is VERY NSFW and limited ;) I do have 3 alts: One is for Screen Shot Crimes only. The 2nd is the character I use for spontaneous RP, though the issues with creativity had greatly limited her story line, she is the most adaptable. The 3rd, is a "Single Class" character with a growing backstory based on the lore openings created by Dawntrail. I may be slow to answer, but, random asks based on anything listed above will be answered. This isn't a "give me attention!" post, just a heads up, for those I have been interacting with more. As an aside: @nhaneh has an AMAZING! ship! their screenshots, and image story telling is absolutely Beautiful! @alannah-corvaine has been someone I have followed since my very beginning on FFXIV tumblr and has often been an inspiration to my own writing. @autumnslance is a storyteller who is just so skilled in their writing, I can't say enough. They too have been a huge inspiration to my writing. @hares-and-hounds is a new follow, who also has proven to be in depth with their story telling, and they have a new FC worth looking in to. @fheythfully just seems to throw up Screen shots that make my brain write up short stories based around those screen shots. Though, I have only put up One based on a screen shot, my mind has created so many many more, but, they require God Modding their characters and I don't want to do that. @gatheredfates has an entire discord that I need to get over my anxiety and join. They encourage writing!

@mythraltia was a great person to RP with on Tumblr. We never got the chance to RP in game, but, it was admittedly In-Game RP that caused me to take the character I was playing in a very different direction, I have never forgotten how much, and how easy it was to be on the same page with our RP.

There are many many others to explore in the FFXIV community! From Slice of Life stories/RP, to long term Stories/RP, and one shot encounters! There is an Entire World out there! Enjoy your Explorations!

[lets-try-some-writing]

⭐️ You got anything cool you wanna share? 👀

Of course!

Pretender AU Ramble:

The Pretender AU is currently my favorite Tumblr AU and let me tell you, I am slow writing for it because the plot THICKENS. The idea came into being when I saw an image of some creepy looking Megatron & Optimus artwork. Then as I sat down with my writing buddy to discuss the AU and go over some of the asks I have gotten for it to create a coherent plot, things got deeper than they originally were.

Literally no one is the good guy in the Pretender AU, despite how it may look. Megatron may seem like the hero, but he is still on his crazy train (which will be showcased later). Optimus may seem like a monster (which he is), but if you look at it, he is simply a being who was born of the wrong host. If ANYONE else had been his host, he would have been fine and the Pretenders could have integrated without issue most likely. Orion Pax would have learned of them, and possibly even gone so far as to create an alliance with these beings considering they operate a great deal like an ant colony and their abilities cannot be overlooked.

Why do I bring this up? Because Megatron is a hypocrite. He wishes to free all sentient beings. Well guess what? The Pretenders are very much sentient. He can't see that, or rather he refuses to due to the trauma of witnessing Orion Pax's slow death. He also does not see many others as sentient in light of his fear of the Pretenders. The Insecticons are on the chopping block just because they share traits with the Pretenders. Beastformers have never been looked on fondly, and in light of the Pretenders, they are also not taken to kindly. By seeing them this way, they have turned to the Pretenders (which will be shown in later writing I have planned).

By refusing to see the Pretenders are sentient beings, many other minor factions are also being thrown under the bus. This has unintentionally given the Pretenders the tools they need to endure. The Pretenders were made for a purpose, and they are really fragging good at doing their job. But Megatron refusing to let go of his personal vendetta was pretty much the only thing dragging out the war. And by doing so, he forced the Pretenders to become less emotive, more calculating, and hyperactive. It is a self destructive cycle and no one is the good guy here. Both factions make things worse for each other and they make the other group more and more fanatical just by existing. There is no victory here.

Well.

That is except for Smokescreen.

He plays the LONG game.

Extra:

Fun fact about the LTSW writing process:

Almost ALL of my fics and AU's are run past my dear friend @spreadwardiard. I come up with the concept and the base for the plot, and then they help me build the idea until we settle on an amazing story. Occasionally I work on something entirely alone, but at this point pretty everything except surprise gifts/small writing projects unworthy of serious note are given to them to think about prior to the actual written work being completed.

My work would not be nearly as interesting without their input. Having a friend to polish up an idea with really is a lifesaver.

You can tell which AU's I didn't run past them because I either don't touch them anymore, the plot/timeline is rather disjointed, or its a goofy thought rather than anything super serious. That's how much I lean on the commentary of others to really get the ball rolling for my work.

[devilkittydeckbuilding]

hewwo my friends!! i wanted to tell you all about my new 60 card deck i built recently!!

that's right

i said 60 card >;3

im not only a commander player teehee

its also fully modern legal!!

ive actually been grinding a whole lot of 60 card games against my girlfriend/toy/pet/wife @goqmir with a bunch of decks lately and its been a blast :3

so today i want to talk about my deck which i haven't thought of a clever name for yet which is:

EXPEDITED INHERITANCE COMBO

this is a list that i changed up to suit my personal wants and needs and while i couldnt find the original decklist i stole the idea from an mtggoldfish short on youtube and according to seth the first person to build this was a user who goes by SMOMP1 but thats all i know

anyway!! i believe the original decklist was a purely mono red deck but i thought. hey. this is a combo deck, why don't i add tutors? so i went rakdos and am playing 4 tutors and its made the deck feel very consistent :3c

so here's the basic layout of the gameplan: the main combo is playing marauding raptor to cheapen the cost on all our 0 and 1 mana creatures so that they are free, and then playing expedited inheritance which means when you play a 1 drop creature for free marauding raptor deals 2 damage to that creature on etb, which then triggers expedited inheritance to exile 2 cards from the top of your library. the idea of this is to keep hitting more cheap creatures off these exiled cards so that you can play more and more creatures and exile through your whole deck.

the deck is actually rather simple and is a two card combo (if you arent counting all the small creatures that is lol but theres a million of them) and yeah thats the main idea.

now you may be asking,

how do you win??

well theres a really cool answer to that question

the main way to win the game, or really the only feasible way, is to dome your opponent for 50 with aetherflux reservoir

the way to win with aetherflux is to go through your whole deck with the combo loop described above. by doing this you cast so many spells that when you get down the reservoir it only takes a few spells cast and you win the game!!

it may sound like this deck is really slow to win because you have to get down the resevoir and 2 other combo pieces to win but we actually have a plan to get this thing down the turn you combo, which can be as soon as turn 3 >:3c

and its this little guy:

as you go through the whole combo loop you will eventually find and play 4 myr moonvessels which when they all are played and subsequently killed by marauding raptor will net you 4 colorless mana which is just enough to play the reservoir!!

as for the rest of the deck there are some honorable mentions plus the changes i made to the deck

inquisitive puppet is probably the best small creature in the deck that is not combo essential because it scrys on etb which sets you up to either combo more cause it finds you more creatures to play or it can help find combo pieces to set up!! it also can exile itself to make a new creature if you had to play it before the combo which is 2 more free cards!!

theres also stuff like combat courier which can just be sacced to dig deeper for combo pieces and such but most of the other creatures are just cheap with minimal bonus affects. im also playing myr servitor for funsies mostly. the main thought there was that if my combo fizzles i could theoretically combo the next turn since they return themselves to the battlefield on upkeep but thats oddly niche and i think ill swap them out for something else

as for changes i made to the list, i added black for tutors and also better removal.

i added diabolic intent as my only tutor because it isnt too expensive and also is perfect for the deck. since im playing so many dirt cheap and somewhat useless creatures why not play a card thats essentially demonic tutor with the small price of sacrificing a creature!! this card has played really well in my matches and essentially gives me 4 extra copies of my combo pieces!!

im also playing a weird creature choice in hope of ghirapur because i thought it would be interesting to try out.

the idea behind the hope is that it serves as a cheap creature for the combo but also presents a form of protection if i get it down before the combo. if i can get in a hit with it before the combo and sac it then it prevents the opponent from casting noncreature spells for that turn which is theoretically enough to sneak the combo in through removal. its not a perfect plan but it had gotten me a couple wins.

as for the sideboard im kind of new to the concept of sideboarding and i built it to be effective against general decks but also im only playing against my wife rn so it isnt perfect.

anyway yeah thats the deck!! it will continually change as i add new cards cause im still testing it but i hope this was either insightful or entertaining and i suggest giving the deck a try and maybe putting your own spin on it!!

thanks for reading!!

[l1ve-l4ugh-lov3craft]

HI I'M BACK WITH A RANT ON ZORA'S DOMAIN

By popular demand (and by "popular demand, I mean @justagirlsming asked a singular time and I took that personally), I am submitting my thoughts on Zora's Domain for the council's consideration! I hope you enjoy this madness, let's get into it:

STARTING OFF STRONG WITH THE PREFACE THAT THE DOMAIN WOULD NOT BE NEARLY AS IMMACULATE A DEFENSE IF ANY OTHER RACE BUT THE ZORA LIVED THERE. But it's okay cos the Zora DO live there, so it's all fine :) I just needed to make it known

Starting off strong with the actual location of the Domain cos *chef's kiss* fabulous

It's surrounded on two sides buy these massive freakin cliffs, and not only that, but they're made of that smooth, glassy blue rock that the Domain is made out of, making that SUPER hard to climb even if you did think you could try and come at the Zora from above. ALSO on the other side are yet more cliffs AND the East reservoir with almost the same problems for enemies as the other cliffs around the domain, except now you have the added issue of the MASSIVE BODY OF WATER to avoid XD

So really, the only feasible way to get to Zora's Domain would be through the main path Link takes in botw

BUT! This path is almost entirely in the Zora's favour and here's why:

First of all, ANYONE who has played the game knows how hard it is to get to the Domain on foot and how windy and confusing it is! The best option for a group of invaders would probably be to cut through here to make it just a bit easier

but even that poses an issue because it's all uphill, so really there's not many good options here.

I DID FORGET TO MENTION! Really, the Zora's only big enemies in Hyrule at present are the Lizalfos and they're pretty agile creatures, but luckily there's not many of them close enough to Zora's domain to pose much of a threat (at least, there's less Lizalfos than Zora I think)

Once the enemies get through that first part of the path to the domain to Oren Bridge though is when things begin to turn more in the Zora's favour.

If there ever were to be an attack on Zora's Domain, it most likely would not be very big purely because of the way you would have to try and get into the Domain in the first place. SO bottlenecking isn't a huge advantage, but it is definitely there nonetheless. ALSO, that entire path is just one huge mass of switchbacks and tight turns which would slow down enemies considerably.

Now, the bridges are where the Zora have the biggest advantage. We see in botw that they don't need those AT ALL cos of how Sidon follows Link in the river as he's travelling there. HOWEVER, the Lizalfos and anyone else trying to attack very much do.

"But the Lizalfos can swim, Nico! They don't need the bridges!!" You may be right, Theoretical Voice Of The People I Made Up For This Situation, BUT! Imagine you are an enemy on your way to invade Zora's Domain. If you see a perfectly working bridge, you're gonna use it rather than swim, aren't you?

This leaves the PERFECT opportunity for Zora forces to hide in the water and attack you from afar down in the water, or even (and this one's my favourite) destroy the bridge completely to knock anyone on it into the water to either be swept away in the current or picked off by Zora warriors in the water who, literally being in their element, are going to completely overpower you.

Aaaaaand if that doesn't work at Oren Bridge, the Zora can VERY easily swim upriver at Luto's Crossing (which is MUCH higher up and would deal a lot more damage if you fell from it), or even the Great Zora Bridge as a last ditch effort and just repeat the tactic over again :) Very devastating.

I'm ALWAYS here to give fair and unbiased assessments of defensible architecture though, so let's explore ALL sides and say the enemies made it past Luto's Crossing and went this way

What then???

Well, let's have a look at the Domain up close. It has this ring of walls around it that look very much like ramparts

and so, in the event that enemies did manage to come at them from around the domain, they have a relatively well covered spots to return fire. And in the event that the enemy destroys them (and, let's be honest, if it's the Lizalfos, they won't think that far ahead), oh noooooo they fall into water...How sad for absolutely no Zora ever. The walls also can be a liability though and we'll talk about that in a sec

SHOULD enemies make it into Zora's Domain, there are good things and there are bad things. I'll start with the bad things to get them out of the way first.

The BIGGEST one is that hell forsaken fish statue.

With just a bit of pre-planning, if enemies were able to keep the battle mostly down here

then that would leave room for a few people to sneak up here

and not only have a shot at killing the king if he's not below fighting already, but also destroy whatever supports are holding up that fish! And what's gonna happen???? It's going to fall and crush the throne room, the communal sleeping area, the infirmary, AND their food stores that they all have sitting under there, AS WELL AS anyone taking shelter underneath????? NOT good at all.

The second one is the aforementioned ring of walls which can provide just as much cover for enemies as it can the Zora depending on who gets to them first. So if the enemy gets to those parapets first, it provides them with the perfect cover to fire at the Zora from above :/

BUT! There is still a lot of good about the city itself as well :D

Now, the Zora are all very competent fighters, and so in a battle they should be able to hold their ground well enough, and anyone they can't kill, I'm sure King Dorephan can just flop on top of a crush lol XD There's ALSO the fabulous advantage of the waterfalls that drop off the Domain itself!

I couldn't find a good picture for the life of me, but with those, even if a fighter got knocked off the upper levels of Zora's Domain, they have an easy way to get back up by climbing those small waterfalls which is AWESOME

HOWEVER! Even if it ended up that the giant fish crushed people and everyone was dying and they needed to retreat, they have an easy way of doing that too!

Unlike literally anyone else the Zora would have to face, they have the ability to swim up freakin waterfalls and SO! If things go so dire that they couldn't save the Domain and needed to flee, they have FOUR exit routes they can take. Obviously they can just follow the Zora River back out to the Lanayru Wetlands and catch a river from there, but they also have three waterfall options

Any one of those would be a fast and easy escape for everyone in Zora's Domain, should they need to do that.

Overall, it's an EXTREMELY versatile and well fortified city for the Zora with how it 100% plays into their strengths and minimises advantages for any one else. It's honestly GENIUS and really, it's no wonder it has stayed so safe from monsters for so long before and after the calamity

[seabirdtxt]

Hi, I’m Bird. welcome to my sideblog! i hope you have a good time :) thanks for reading! 🩵

Ask box is: On hold

WIP tracker

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Rules & TOS:

- I am using this blog as a place to put my self-indulgent fandom fics. i don't proofread or beta my stuff so if i make typos no i didn't 🫡

- blank blogs please do not +follow! i will assume you are a bot and block/softblock you. You can remain empty/anon as long as you have some profile customization and maybe a post/reblog or two

- you can send asks/requests and i'll tackle 'em asap but please don't expect too much of the social aspect from me, i struggle with socialization like a feral cat

- i write reader fics. this means: gender neutral, no physical description/indicators, no gender-biased nicknames clothes or scenarios, you/yours and they/them pronouns only.

- do not call my Reader she/her, or any fem-aligned nicknames. im dead serious, this is a ‘block on sight’ thing, it kicks up my dysphoria and it's the same reason i won't read fem!reader fics. i won't block for the first time, but if you commented on something or sent an ask/request and I deleted/didn't respond, this is probably why. I'm giving y'all the benefit of the doubt that maybe you didn't check my page first though! but continued behavior will earn a block .

- i’m not holding a taglist atm, you either perceive me or don't. (if i ever write smth longer that warrants a taglist i’ll be sure to mention it!)

- no bigotry or discrimination allowed, please use your good judgement when consuming media, etc. there will be no bitchin in my kitchen!

- no reposting, copying, or heavily referencing! plaigarism is the 8th cardinal sin 😊 yes this includes feeding my writing to AI. don't do it.

- re: above ^ making stuff inspired by/expanding on concepts is totally fine though! i'm inviting everyone to come play in my sandbox :3c if you do, please tag me! i'd love to see and rb from you 🥰 (AI is still 100% off the table though)

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Request Rules:

currently in genshin/sagau fandom so mostly stick to those themes please! (and do let me know if you want canon or other AU settings! otherwise i'll assume sagau)

i won't do crossovers sorry! i'm not too knowledgeable on many other media or fandoms and i'd rather not butcher something im not familiar with!

willing to write both platonic and romantic! (specific character romance with the male characters only, sorry, but platonic is free game!)

i write kinda slow tbh, so please don't send me anything that is time sensitive or has a deadline bc i probably won't make it in time :')

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General Tags:

Writing -> #seabird.txt

Doodles -> #seabird.png

Asks/replies -> #seabird.inbox

Personal -> #seabird.exe

Reblogs -> #seabird.rb

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Masterlist below the cut:

Glitch in Irminsul AU

SAGAU setting, where the Irminsul tree behaves like a GIT repository, and the Creator's arrival accidentally merged old branches into the current data.

Blog Tag - [p1] [p2] [p3] [p4] [p5]

[hc1]

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Bloodletting AU

SAGAU cult au, the Creator descends to Teyvat with no obvious godly powers and is rejected by the acolytes, until it's discovered that their golden blood has strength-enhancing properties.

Blog Tag - [p1] [p2]

[rb1] [rb2]

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Voice of God AU

SAGAU cult au, set pre-isekai. The Shouki no Kami is powered up and connected to Scaramouche, who then experiences a sudden jarring connection to the Creator.

Blog Tag - [p1] [p2] [p3]

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Wish Upon series

Stardust AU, canon setting. Wanderer tries to catch a fallen star to get a blessing from Celestia and obtain a heart. Instead, he gets you.

Blog tag - [p1]

Misc. fics

Not aligned to any specific AU or series!

[200 Follower Event tag]

[Creator!Reader and Cyno's bad jokes] [dollmaker!Reader and the scara gang]

🔞 [18+ tag] 🔞

[rainyfestivalsweets]

Had a kiiiinda rough weekend, because learning to keep boundaries and stop people pleasing is hard.

My mood was off. My nephews football game interrupted prime biking time. My gf came to the football game, which meant I didn't bike after either. We went to lunch, & then coffee. And then.... she posted some pictures, someone "care" reacted....and our date abruptly ended. And our movie date was later canceled. Idk, it made me feel weird.

On Sunday, I did make it to bike club. Went to breakfast at a waffle place. Afterwords I went home to get ready for my sam's club pickup.

My ex texted and asked me to come over to dinner. I asked the time, said an earlier time and then said to myself.... What the hell am I doing? Why am I even considering this? Am I really rearranging my whole fucking day to dinner with someone who treated me shittily.

So I corrected and said... Actually today doesn't work for me.

But then what? Was I so uncomff that I had disappointed someone that I spiraled?

But spiral I did.

I went to a Clothes Mentor...asked where the clearance rack was and the employee snottily replied oh we don't have THAT anymore.

So what? Who cares? It was jarring but weird. I went shopping anyway. I wanted some active wear. Bike shorts with pockets, bras, active shirts.

I loaded up. Went to checkout.

Idk 🤷‍♀️ It was fine. Someone else rang me up. I paid.

I was planning on running at the park later.

The run was sloggy. Slow. I wasn't into it & my legs were sore. I felt like people were looking at me. I didn't have my fanny pack.

I want to Sam's. Went home. Unloaded.

Proceeded to eat all the things:

There were 2 bowls of cereal.

That day was definitely off plan. Fuck!

So many sad thoughts. Weird.

[norel-ravenclaw]

Take Care Of Me Master

Fandom: Ikemen Prince (otome game)

Featured characters: Sariel

Genre: Hurt & comfort

Rating: 14+

Word count: 650

Description: A familiar face haunts Belle in the palace, and Sariel comforts her as the mask of perfect control slips.

@aide-falls I hope this hits what you were looking for. More to come!

WARNINGS: | vague allusions to past trauma | angst and comfort | mxw |

Something desperate like madness claws at my chest as I quickly make my way through the palace halls. I fight for my carefully constructed control. Breathe in, and out. One foot in front of the other. Minimize emotion and process the situation critically. The anxiety does not-

“Belle?”

Sariel’s surprised voice stops me in my tracks at the entrance hall to the ministerial offices.

My heart is pounding in my ears, but I compel myself to be still. “Master Noir.”

He approaches me with a furrow in his brow. “What happened?”

…I can’t trust myself to speak. And of course, my new lover sees this immediately.

His violet eyes soften a little, and he puts a hand on my back. “With me.”

I don’t have it in me to resist. I follow him, halfway between agony and numbness.

We enter his office, and he locks the door. “…Belle?” He steps up to me, frozen as I am, hesitating.

“Sariel…” All I can do is stare at him for a long second. Then the dam breaks.

“Damn it… T-this keeps happening. My heart breaks a little every time it does. It’s been a lot of years now. Never have I seen someone with the same face. It… shocked me when I first laid eyes on him. Every time I see him now, I try desperately to just see him. Only him.”

My voice breaks. “It’s not his fault. I know it’s not mine either, but I-I’d do anything to make sure he never finds out. When he wears a serious expression it’s just… all I can do…”

I meet Sariel’s eye again and see just as many complicated emotions there. Anger, concern, pain. Slowly, questioningly, he raises a hand to touch my cheek. Keeping his movements deliberately slow, he brushes a lock of hair off my forehead, then lightly stroking my temple in a way that sends a rush of chemicals through me. I take a breath at the sudden feeling of fuzzy lightness.

The change makes me clench my jaw. Tears sting my eyes as I look away from him. "How... Why is it that all my strength, all my efforts cannot accomplish... what a single touch can."

As I hazard a glance his way, Sariel's eyes soften. "Then ask for what you need. My dear, let me take care of you." He puts his hands on my shoulders, and suddenly the trembling breaks through my control.

“Sariel… Please..." I whisper desperately, "P-please be gentle."

His intense gaze shifts as he pulls me into his arms. "Don't be afraid, my dear. You’re safe with me. I'll take good care of you."

Gently, he steps us back to the wall so I can be braced. His hands rub soothingly along my waist and arms. “You’re alright. Just breathe. All you have to do is rest.”

He takes off his glasses and sets them on the letter table by the door. Then he rests his forehead against mine, just holding me. His hands make slow circuits over my trembling body, grounding me. From my hair, shoulders, and hands, around my waist and hips.

I rest my head on his shoulder, trying to get my breathing back under control.

“That’s it. My good girl. So brave and strong.” He kisses the top of my hair. “You’ve fought battles no one should ever have to, and here you stand - earnest, ever trying.”

He nuzzles my ear. “You work so hard. I’m so proud of you. You’re safe now.” Rubbing my crossed arms soothingly, he sighs. “You don’t have to be afraid, I’m here.”

Gently, he tilts my chin up. “No harm will come to you as long as you are with me, my darling. I swear it.”

Placing an achingly tender kiss on my lips, he seals his promise to be my guardian angel - giving the devil’s word.

[tokiro07]

Once again vaguing so as to maintain my "talk no shit on what people like" policy while also being able to vent about what is, quite possibly, my least favorite game of all time

This is...the single most tedious gaming experience I've ever had. I thought at first it was just that the controls were unresponsive due to some hardware limitation on the Switch port, but even ignoring that, what the game is literally asking me to do is absurdly repetitive

The actual challenge is decent, though a lot of my deaths have been pretty cheap in my opinion, either blindsiding me due to how poorly contrasted all of the background and stage elements are or landing cheap shots because I frequently respawn on top of enemies or directly in their line of fire. If regular stage hazards didn't actually cause damage and instead just reset me, like in say Hollow Knight, I would find this a lot more bearable, but because I lose health to the platforming and not just the combat, I often don't have enough health left for the combat, which wouldn't be a tremendous issue if the enemies weren't spongey as hell!

The fact that I keep needing to redo long platforming segments because every mistake drains my extremely shallow health pool or because long-winded enemies keep getting placed along the path makes for a ludicrously slow and repetitive experience in what seems like it's meant to be quite fast-paced

The boss fights compound on this by having multiple lengthy phases that end up feeling predictable because they go the same way every time, and generally have oddly long cutscenes to load in the new movesets. I understand not letting me skip phases I've beaten before, I can't think of too many games that allow that, but the earlier phases of any given boss fight become sooo boooring after you've beaten them 50 times, and the latter phases that throw a ton of bullshit at you when, again, you're constantly fighting against the controls themselves just become super annoying!

At the very least, don't put a long, empty path between a checkpoint and the final boss! I should be able to just walk straight into the boss fight from the checkpoint, not hold down a button to carry me there with enough time to think "maybe I don't want to try again." Which is what happened, by the way! I'm writing this now because the game gave me the opportunity to say "y'know what? Literally fuck this" and throw my system down to complain about how dogshit this game is!

And people like this game! It's getting decent to great reviews from what I can find! No one has any of the problems that I do, which again, made me think that it was just the particular port I'm playing, but no, these are all structural issues with the game's design! How is no one else upset about this??? How is everyone else able to accept this??? These are practically ancient design flaws at this point, relics of arcades past, why am I still being asked to put up with this in 2024, and why doesn't anyone else care???

I see what people like about it, I really do, it's just that those elements a) have been done a thousand times better in the games that this game is clearly trying to emulate, and b) are getting bogged down by other design decisions that I don't believe would have been too costly to fix

The only reason I'm still playing this game is so I can have a complete understanding of the sorts of design decisions I should avoid if I ever make my own game, and literally every single minute I spend playing it makes me regret that line of thinking. I have never been so abjectly miserable playing a video game before when this is supposed to be a fun hobby. The only solace that I can take aside from the game being quite pretty is that at least I'm not brain-dead bored. However, in a way that makes it worse, cus if it were completely unengaging I could at least turn it off and not feel like I'm missing something. Instead though, I'm mad, and that makes me feel like if I turn it off and never look back that I let my inability to meet the game at its level beat me, like I wasn't good enough to do it. I know that's a fallacy, since again I'm at the final boss (or at least the Normal Ending final boss, I can tell there's a True Ending I haven't done the work to unlock yet), but if I can't beat it right at the end it's just going to weigh on my mind for the rest of my life like when I didn't finish Magical Vacation

The real question is whether or not I should go ahead and collect everything for the True Ending now so I can just do the final boss fight once and not worry about it, OR should I get the Normal Ending then watch the True Ending online? Both feel wrong and incomplete, but like I said, I hate this game and want it to be done so I can at least feel some semblance of catharsis

Either way, I hope to be done this game no later than tomorrow so I can delete it from my system and actually play something that brings me joy

[derekscorner]

Fated Rantings: Remnants Rambling

A Game Better Than It Has Right To Be

I recently finished what is my fourth romp through the Fate Series. It has been slow going due to life but truth be told I didn't want to rush either.

My go of Fate Grand Order is still ongoing, my first anime was Apocrypha, then I watched the 2006 Fate Stay Night, and now I've finished Samurai Remnant after 70+ hours.

Each of these has been good so far. I may hate gacha games but FGO has a solid initial story arc and it's Lost Belt 6 story is also great apparently. I'm not sure I'll get that far but I am determined to finish Solomon's villain arc.

While I'd rate Apocrypha a better anime than it's often given. I am still in shock from the sheer contrast of Astolfo in-story vs the internet osmosis he's become. While the 06 anime was decent for me I do admit I had already seen plenty of lore videos prior so I knew what was going on.

Then there's Samurai Remnant that is better than I expected. I tried it because I am a new Fate fan and Type-Moon doesn't localize things often. I'd argue it is my second favorite story so far falling just behind Apocrypha.

Imagine a Fate Stay Night remade in this style!

Game mechanics weren't perfect or without annoyance for me, I will admit. I feel like Iori gets knocked around far to easy and can be stun locked.

The barrier gauge among most enemies and bosses is honestly a pain and feels like it's padding a bit (until you hit max level anyway) and it is easy to get lost in the towns at first.

Yes you have a map but I did get annoyed more than once be slow traversal hazards or dead ends. Granted, this is an aggravation for extras.

When in-story it is all fine. There's story reasons or game mechanic reasons for why you will have to crawl around, sneak, and so on. It was very much an issue I gave myself for wanting to do every thing and search every corner.

Many other things that annoyed me at first quickly vanished later as I leveled up or filled out skill boards so I will not list them. It was a somewhat basic but unique (in ways) game play set up for what is essentially a visual novel.

I only mention it all because I think this game would be an amazing blueprint for other Fate games. I've already seen people hope for a Fate Stay Night remade in this game's image.

Whether it's a new route or just the old novel redone the hope is now there and I find myself agreeing with them. Samura/Remnant is a great prototype for taking visual novels that began Fate and turning them into a video game that can reach more people.

Story is where it Shines

I won't lie, I expected something 'okay' or "mid" as kids call it, but no. This story actually is rather good. Several characters have more going on than it initially appears and multiple runs are required.

You'll play this game 3 to 4 times if you want every ending or to finish ever digression mission. Something I highly recommend you do because you'll miss out on explanations for several plot points or character motivations.

Admittedly, there are several things that I didn't get answered despite my thorough go of the game. I completely missed the fact that Tsuchimikado's family can use divination for future sight. It was this very skill that allowed him to create the Waxing Moon Ritual.

The whole reason the ritual is flawed is due to him using imperfect foresight to orchestrate the event. The story tells you several times that the ritual is a sham compared to the Fuyuki Grail War but I don't remember it ever actually stating why.

The wish of Rogue Berserker was also something I missed in-game. I won't spoil who he is (or was?) but knowing his wish now makes his finale and leyline placement much more sensible.

Leyline you ask?

Ah yes, it's explained in-game but I'll spoil it here since it's not that much of one. Due to the rituals imperfection a number of extra servants are summoned to Edo.

They're "rogue" or stray servants who are bound to a leyline in the land. (A spot of particularly high mana essentially.) On top of the rogue servants a pseudo servant and ruler class servant are also summoned.

Of course, none of these extra heroes have much interest in the ritual. You can befriend them in the story but the actual war itself is carried out by the 7 actual servants and their masters.

As for the ruler, well, Gilgamesh really just proves why he never gets the role in the funniest way. He doesn't care about the false grail, he doesn't care about the half-assed ritual, and he doesn't care for his job as a ruler.

He literally fucks off, weebs out, and opens a store five houses down from yours early into the game. It is one of the funniest fucking things.

It's small things like this or Gilgamesh's antics that give the story life. I don't want my section above to paint the image of it being bad for some things going unexplained. It's entirely possible I missed the in-game explanation.

But do know that characters will sell this story too you more than the plot beats will.

The story itself, in terms of progression, is simple. Iori gets drug into the ritual like most Fate protagonists do. Many of the events triggered are usually by way of the other masters having an actual battle.

Iori is there, he's an active participant, but he mostly runs around seeking information or making allies while major events are kicked off by the magi or servants triggering them. The digressions show you a lot of these perspectives.

Iori isn't a fool or ignorant of magic, he's just not a man of status or means to pull the stunts many others cause. I would argue he "has no desire too" but that in of itself is a murky topic.

Overall, I do consider it a good thing because the story is character driven instead. So much so that I won't even dare to try and fit it all in a post. I'll let you discover that for yourself...except for Assassin.

Not a bad character by any means but he has a moment in the game mid way and to this very day I do not get why he does what he does. It's like they just did whatever they had to for that boss fight to happen...

I just find it a shame because his digressions are actually humorous. Many character interactions are funny at times. It's always the small things too, little scenes that you could miss if you rush.

Other Questions & Conclusions

To be honest there's more I could ramble on but it won't fit into one post and I do not feel like I can make more than two or three. One reason is due to me obviously missing details that I only learned later due to a video by Otakudaikun.

Another reason is due to the sheer number of characters. There's several I've only seen for the first time outside of FGO and do not feel like I can do them justice due to my lack of familiarity.

Others are so simple that I do not think they have much to be said. They're not bad for it they're just simple and true to their nature.

Such as Jeanne. I didn't even get into how disappointing it is for her personality to be muted. And make no mistake, this is Jeanne corrupted not FGO Jalter.

I didn't cover just how much Rogue Berserker hit me personally since I liked his legend as a child.

I'd need a whole post of it's own to talk about Rogue Rider and her antics. Sure you see a loli but by hell I know Amaterasu's lore in Fate, her nature, so I only get nervous seeing her grin. (though I do love her dynamic with Kaya)

Nor did I elaborate on how cool it is for the main servants (the ones paired with masters) to be legends from Japan or China. I actually learned a few interesting ones due to this writing decision.

There's the other endings as well but nothing is as deep as the 'Entreat the Darkness' ending imo. They're all decent though.

I even have this theory that Iori is the reason Musashi was summoned to t his timeline with no proof other than he wants to best his master and she wants a decent opponent.

What I will reiterate is that you should try this. It's a great place to start Fate and it's a good one to try if you already follow Fate.

Go give it a try, bye now~

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Other Fate related ramblings here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

[katyspersonal]

i get what you mean, with the fandom being so slow and the in-groups being so tight-knit that it's really hard to get involved and you end up always afraid of stepping "out of line" and losing visibility that any breath of fresh air is good enough. and also most new people who seem promising seem to quickly join with the in-groups, too. i don't know if you can relate, but there are some people who just appeared a while ago who i wish i could speak to but since they already associated with someone who is already known for not play nice, i end up just keeping my distance...

Ahhhhh shoot yeah, sometimes I wonder if this image of the fandom is just my delusional hallucination... but then people that can see more than me sorta confirm it, and now you do too, so I guess I still have it in me to complete the correct picture from only small pieces. I can't really relate to the "fear of losing visibility" though as someone who occasionally does followers purge to prevent becoming popular, but I can relate to feeling the pit in my stomach when a new fan quickly latches onto the "bad guys" or their "sponsors" x)

It is also for this reason why our group of mutuals (the so-called Lore Council) and OUR "sponsors" (I just think this is a very funny word for avid supporters sorry xD) do whatever we can to look unassuming and goofy, as well as prevent possessiveness or control-freakery within our camp? We even almost never block people, ffs. Nobody should be forced to choose the covenant (in passive fandom state) or side (in active fandom drama state). And the interesting bit? Some people didn't! And you can only find out by coming forward! I am not sure whether by "not play nice" you mean starting pointless media literacy discource or really hardcore stuff such as slander, stalking and harrassing but in either case, you see a fan that interests you interact with 'em? Interact with that fan too! One or several of the people you wanna avoid sending asks to that fan or tagging them in a meme or even drawing their OC does NOT mean they have marked their territory like a dog or whatever! We are all civilized adults here, not animals. Show 'em that they did not "claim" this person by just interacting first, show 'em that you are not afraid and you will show interest and support to whoever you damn please! You will find that actually enough people do not consider themselves to be a part of the "covenant" and thus obligated to stick to some rules and blacklists- and heck, many will feel defensive if peer-pressured to play this ridiculous game!

Yeah yeah,, I knowww, easier said than done x) Still, many people who are sensitive to the conflict (active or passive) keep mistaking someone from "another camp" interacting with The Guy for the possessive boyfriend grab thing, which it isn't. If anything, any new fan will be the happier the more interactions they get, they just wanna discuss their ideas, no matter with who! And if they do decide to disown you... well, isn't it better to find it out for sure when it happens, instead of just assuming the worst from the get go?

[ygodmyy20]

3, 7, 8, 19 :]

I am finally answering my ask game questions hhahaha

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

We both asked this question to one another quirkle and I also don't know what it means bahahahha I don't have. ritual I just have OH MAN TIME TO WRITE LETS GOOOO energy

Maybe that is my ritual. Just MUST WRITE ENERGY

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

Writing something that I feel so good about. Something that expresses my thoughts and feelings into words. And really, that I get to read it later and sink into that headspace again.

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

Holy crap um. Probably.....action. I love writing action a LOT but I need dialogue. I am a huge dialogue writer. I live for dialogue and I like to hope I am pretty good at it.

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

And this is the question that took me awhile to answer.

I started writing fanfics when I was 13, kicking off with Yugioh and i wrote for that fandom from around 2003 till about 2015. I wrote so much that I considered going to collage for writing and I went to writers workshops in the summer and got into the University of Iowa's English program, which has one of the best creative writing masters programs in the country. I had planned on getting my Bachelors and Masters from there.

Well.....i burned out in my first year, moved back to Michigan, changed majors to business and slowly stopped writing as much. Some big life changes happened to me between graduating collage and 2013. I tried to keep writing but it just didn't stick. I couldn't write, nothing was happening. I lost nearly all my creativity for around 10 years.

I completely stopped writing between 2015 and 2023.

And then, in May 2023, I found this lovely lil anime we all know and love called Mob Psycho 100.

I started drawing, and I started writing, I started engaging with fandom again. I wrote Float and people commented and the read my work. I was ecstatic I didn't know what to do--people read my work, I honestly couldn't believe it. Like, the reception I got from my mp100 fanfics was so positive compared to my previous works. It was....honestly so amazing.

I then wrote the very self indulgent Just Breathe, my step into shipping once again.

And then in September I wrote one of my favorite pieces of fiction I have ever written ever in my life, which is Blackhole.

And then, I started thinking of an ageswap and Black Sweatshirt was born.

Now, I am knee deep in this ageswap fic, a post-canon series, and many other one-shots. I have written over 100,000 words in under a year. The train shows no sign of stopping (it slowed down a bit recently but I am pretty sure I just needed a break)

Right now where I am at, in this moment, is someone who is very happy with my writing. I have wonderful friends who will beta my work, there is a whole community to share my art with. My ageswap is nearly 20 chapters long (Yeah oof I know haha).

Where i am going: To finish this story. To write my post-canon series. To hopefully have readers that enjoy my work, even though it may take me months to years to finish them.

To one day, maybe one day, re-write and finish Shadows. My last YGO fanfic that I still hope to one day finish. I will rewrite the whole thing though.