#this is what yamcha was doing during the top. yep.

[ruuibos]

"Sorry, I can't come. I've got other plans right now."

[maguro13-2]

[cues Kronos Island Mvt 1 by Tomoya Ohtani]

Usagi : I truly miss them. It's so sad that we must let things go.

Goku : Hey, guys. What you're mourning to? Woah. Is this everybody in there graves, have they been mulched on the moon's surface?

Usagi : Hey Goku.

Makoto : We're just mourning for the loss of your creator and the many people died on the moon.

Minako : We've lost so many people and so many talented mangakas each year, it sucks that this always happened.

Rei : We had plenty of time to solve this one out. It's for the best.

Ami : And we have no choice but to mourn the losses of everyone who were aboard the shuttle.

Usagi : I see how things made it in the 20th century since the shuttle crashed onto the moon.

Ami : No wonder why that anyone had to make it an official statement about this situation. I heard that the last girl, Chibiusa died at the sanctuary on the Moon, was it that girl's birthplace, the next door neighbor Maka Albarn.

Ami : The truth is...We're mourning over the loss of Prince Darien.

Goku : Really? Well I haven't seen skip leg day. Let me see the guy's grave.

Usagi : Sure.

Goku : That's funny, why does it says "Mamoru" on a tombstone in the grave...(gasps)

[Echo Night - Beyond OST : Track 4]

"TOMBSTONE : HERE LIES MAMORU aka Tuxedo Mask"

Krillin : Here lies Mamoru aka Tuxedo Mask?

Goku : Wait, hold on! Did this Tuxedo Mask guy really died?

Usagi : Yep. He's dead. And the one in the space suit is him, which turns out to be nothing more than an android.

Goku : An android?! No way!

Ami : And you should know something that after the happily ever after thing, Mamoru and Usagi died during that crash course to the Moon Castle Grounds. But Mamoru survived and allow himself to died with the powers of the Red Stone.

"TOMBSTONE : HERE LIES SAILOR MOON aka SERENITY"

Krillin : Welp, guess we all know how they died before Sailor Moon reached of the tale with a happily ever after. Oh wait, the Happily Ever After incident took place year before Luffy's debut.

Goku : Oh really? That's a weird suggestion.

Bulma : And to top off with that, I just got one simple question for ya. Did this Prince Darien guy died using the powers of that Red Stone?

Usagi : Yep.

Bulma : And did you say that your really died in that crash after the happily ever after?

Usagi : Indeed, we knew what the power of that stone creating a crash course to the Moon Castle.

Krillin : [To Goku] Uhh, Goku. You might wanna look at them, there's something wrong with this picture.

Goku : Oh come on, Krillin. What's wrong with them. It's only Usagi and her friends doing fine--[notices that they are not barefooted]

[Echo Night - Beyond OST : Track 14]

Goku : Hey, wait a sec. They're not even wearing shoes!

Krillin : What can I say? That Crash on the moon was literally the costs of their lives after the happily ever after thing.

Yamcha : In case you haven't noticed, there are names who were aboard the shuttle on their graves.

Bulma : And you're telling me that to have a major suggestion that...[in horror] You wouldn't tell me that Sailor Moon is dead, would that be a horrendous idea?

Piccolo : No offense, but I think you might wanna check this.

Bulma : Oh my...

Goku : Unbelievable. It's the tombstone of each of the Superheroes. They're dead right before Luffy came to Toei!

Bulma : I wouldn't be so sure about that. You might wanna check the rest of this funeral.

Vegeta : What the...?

"TOMBSTONES : VENUS, MARS, JUPITER, SATURN, URANUS, NEPTUNE, PLUTO, And of course Chibiusa"

Chibiusa : Hey! I wasn't on the Guest List!

Vegeta : You mean, they've been reborn as earthlings?

Goku : You really mean it Bulma!? Sailor Moon and friends were dead on the crash, the crash that the shuttle crashed on to the moon!? Oh man! That is messed up! In fact, are you even a copy?

Usagi : Sorry that you head hear that, Mr. Goku. It's true we are reborn as copies to the original. I'm a civilian to earth now.

Ami : It's true, the original Sailor Moon guys died after that happily ever after marriage and on a bon voyage on the moon.

Rei : We died because of the Red Stone.

Minako : And to think of that, it's all because of one wish.

Makoto : To make them like fools, Goku.

Ami : Yeah, fools.

Michiru : In case you haven't notice, we are the ones who were on that shuttle and became victims to the crash.

Goku : You mean...You guys all died without telling me or anyone about this?

Usagi : Yep.

Goku : But how are you alive, when you're not even wearing shoes? okay...you may wear shoes in the middle of the cold? Doctors told about you not wearing shoes is not our hot cup of tea. I only take off my shoes when I was in tournaments and even facing battles against the saiyans.

Vegeta : Sure you do. But it turns out that only one thing happened in 1997, and I finally figured what killed Sailor Moon during that happily ever after incident during that crash.

[Echo Night - Beyond OST : Track 2]

Vegeta : Alright...This might sound weird, but this how we do things that happened on the moon. Everyone died, and you girls were eventually reborn as civilians of earth.

Krillin : We all know that anyone is possible that you guys are copies who were boarding that shuttle or reborn as earthling to make you look like you superheroes, but with superpowers that can control freely with your...foot?

Yamcha : Yeah! You guys did died on that shuttle and we didn't know that you were eventually reborn after that fatal crash! That is seriously mess up.

Tien : How can anyone be so stupid to be on the shuttle that crashed onto the moon? And that man who died using the powers of the red stone...

Usagi : It's Tuxedo mask.

Tien : Oh my God. He died during that incident by killing himself with the red stone.

Vegeta : Are we going to prove that this is gonna really suck after having an episode here?

Krillin : Okay...Everyone say the name. on the count of 3 and figured where did they get this idea from somewhere and how on earth did they become victims of a stinkin' crash on the moon's surface or even the Moon Castle that Sailor Moon came from.

Goku : Okay, we're ready to finally know what happened to Sailor Moon during that crash.

Usagi : You really mean it, Mr. Goku? You finally knew what that crash was about?

King Yenma : Well, since they were the ones who boarded on that shuttle during the incident, there is only one explanation that where did anyone get an idea of having someone being dead on the moon. Is everyone with me?

Krillin : Actually, it's me sir. But I do like you're idea.

Dende : And I found out that the ones who were on that moon, were the girls and some idiot has been using the Red stone to kill himself. No offense, that was Tuxedo who died using the powers of the red stone.

Krillin : Okay...On the count of three to say the name.

Usagi : Alright.

King Yenma : Alright. 1...2...3...

All : Echo Night!

Goku and Usagi : Jinx!

King Yenma : Echo Night? For real? What is that?

Goku : Sailor Moon died during a horrible crash on the moon, this would idea of a game called Echo Night.

Vegeta : How should I know, and what the hell is Echo Night?

Goku : It's the name of that game by the guys who made Elden Ring. It's game about Ghosts.

Vegeta : Yeah, yeah, Echo Night it is.

Yamcha : Huh? Well, yeah it is Echo Night.

Tien : You're telling us that you all died in that crash because of a game by the ones who made Elden Ring, From Software was it?

Yamcha : [holds out a copy of Echo Night : Beyond] Yeah! And I like playing this game on the PlayStation 2 that explains the deaths of Sailor Moon and everyone aboard the shuttle, it had the mixed reviews in it.

Tien : You're not the only video game nerd who knows about Ghost being on a ship, a haunted house, or even on the moon like you died during the crash.

Goku : So that's why you all died in that crash during a happily ever after incident. Well, I guess our history of the PlayStation titles explains a lot.

Usagi : Yeah, that explains a lot. Nobody plays Echo Night anymore, it's just us being earthlings living in a community where we lead.

Goku : Hmmm...I wonder if any of those Rebirth beings as Angel or Devil back at San Francisco? Wonder how they are doing?

Vegeta : Says the guy who knows about the Chaos Emeralds.

Krillin : Wait, we forgot about those guys from that one shared universe that got destroyed. But who else can we forget that they are life forms from the garden.

Goku : What Garden are they talking about?

"Meanwhile at Chao World"

[cues Chao Garden Theme by Fumie Kumatani, Tomoya Ohtani]

Shinra the Devil Chaos : Ad that is why we lost our bodies and became officially stuck into this crap sandwich.

Maka the Angel Chaos : And that's how we lost our bodies after the Ohkuboverse was destroyed. This is all our fault.

Shinra the Devil Chaos : Yep. We sure did made fools out of ourselves.

Maka the Angel Chaos : I miss being a human.

Shinra the Devil Chaos : This totally sucks, I wish Arthur was here to see this.

Shinra the Devil Chaos : Also, when did I grew up to look like the God of Destruction.

Maka the Angel Chaos : Ask anyone from Dragon Ball, they'll tell me that we became like this after our comrades abandoned us.

Shinra the Devil Chaos : This is why we were never paid that easily. Good riddance to ourselves as heroes.

Maka the Angel Chaos : Just shut it and think about it. We're never going to get our bodies back after The Time Eater killed us and that girl too.

Shinra the Devil Chaos : I agree. But did anyone know about the usage of the Red Stone?

Maka the Angel Chaos : What?

Shinra the Devil Chaos : Never mind.

[cues Course Clear (NSMB ver.)]

~ AND NOW YOU KNOW ~

Mario : That's-a so nice! (stabbed by the Red Stone) Ow!

Mario : (dying) ...Wowie Zowie. (falls and collapses)

Luigi : M-Mario?

Mario now a Boo : You owe me a lot for this, man!

[the-ash0]

surviving paradise chapter 7

Time

I stare at the sky as I sit, plucking at grass in the Capsule Corp front garden. It is small compared to the back one, so staying here provides me a measure of privacy. Though the Nameks fear me, they need their fresh air too, I suppose. So I have left the back gardens free for them, lest I run into any by mistake. I am trying hard enough as it is not to start trouble.

Today marks the first full week of my stay here on earth, but already my patience is running thin. I have not left Capsule Corp grounds since that first day at the bar. On one hand, I hardly feel like subjecting myself to another degrading episode due to my… inexperience with this world and its customs. On the other, everything I could ever want or need is provided for me right here; right here at my fingertips.

Which is exactly as it should be, of course. I am a prince, after all. And the greatest warrior in the galaxy, now that Frieza and Kakarot have managed to kill each other off. Which is fine; clever, in a way. To get rid of both in this manner. Yep, life is absolutely fucking perfect.

So why do I feel so... tired?  

It must be the routine of this place. The days on this planet are too short to suit me. Though I suppose the schedule I followed in my previous life —a cycle of travel in cryo-sleep for months up to years, a purge mission or two lasting a few days, then back in cryo-sleep for a debriefing and an optional few days to restart the process— doesn't really qualify as a rhythm.

Still, the monotone repetition wears on my nerves. I know I should try and adjust; rise and retire with the sun. Yet I spend more time staring at my bedroom ceiling than dreaming, and the morning light does little to rouse me into action. I feel strange: weak without any damage taken. Exhausted without wanting sleep. Numb...

I reach out for another hand of grass to pull up, but find the semicircle around me cropped to the point that I need to dig up roots. I contemplate moving to another spot to restart the process, though picking myself up seems like so much work for nothing.

Why bother at all? I could pluck the whole field bare or move around and make ugly bare circles in the perfectly cut grass. What would that achieve? Well, maybe someone would take offence. I could use someone to scream at, or have scream at me, or talk to... Anything.

A sound from behind brings me back to my senses. I take it back; I really do not wish any form of interaction, and definitely not with the locals.

The grey-haired professor, apparently the man of the house, appears from the door and makes his way towards me with purpose. I groan. The old dolt had stayed clear of me mostly until now, and I had thought him the smartest of the pack for that. Perhaps I was wrong.

He walks into my periphery and clears his throat, pets the weird black creature perched on his shoulder, then stares down at me as if expecting something.

As soon as I realize what he wants, I deign not to give it. Instead, I focus my attention on the clouds overhead. There’s only a few of them, of course. Even the weather on Earth is perfect. Perfect, constant, monotone and boring. Sadly, my studious inattention is not enough to deter old four-eyes from intruding.

The grey human sighs, fidgeting in his pocket for something before sitting down. A decent distance away, but facing the same direction with an unfounded air of camaraderie. The crunch-creak of metal on a lighting stone finally breaks my resolve. “If you dare light that stinking filth in my breathing air I’ll rip your throat out.”

The man blinks at me and puts his lighter away with an apologetic smile, studying the white twig in his other hand as if unsure what to do with it. “Panchy asked me to fetch you,” he offers as appeasement. “Lunch is served.”

Blasted woman and her blasted food.

“Well, she could have just said so herself, could she not?” I grind out, “besides, do you always run to do your woman’s bidding?”

I turn from his blinking four-eyed stare and recline with a sigh. Pathetic as this planet’s gravity is, I am not up to fighting it. “Besides, I am not hungry.”

“And there it is too,” his old voice turns sure, as if I just proved some point. Opting to leave the unlit cigarette in mouth, he frowns down at me. “In answer to your question, Panchy hardly ever asks for anything. So when she does, I do run, even when I do not understand.”

I take a deep breath. “Your wife is a degenerate airhead whose only purpose would be to exemplify the useless stupidity of this planet and its main species!”

To my surprise the man laughs —laughs!— at my comments.

“She does seem like an airhead doesn’t she? Here on Earth, especially in my generation, too much intelligence in a woman was frowned upon; just as my little girl likes to play the damsel in distress, she likes to play airhead.” The man lowers his voice, and I perk up as I finally hear a threatening undertone: “But I would think that a man such as yourself knows not to take all at face value?”

I, the Prince of all Saiyans, snarl and turn on him. “I do not care for you, your planet, or any of your ridiculous mating customs. In fact, I think I’ll blow this whole planet up, right now! And there’s not a damn thing you or anyone here can do about it.”

The old man stares at me intently, before nodding and adjusting his glasses. “Is that what is bothering you?”

“NO!” Yes? Maybe? I deflate, what little energy I had gone again too soon. This man is supposed to be the richest in the world... Can’t he at least get the military to fight me? Maybe if I just blow him and his precious Capsule Corp to pieces, someone worthy will show. Probably. Possibly.

Kakarot’s idiot friends might provide me some challenge, but the old coot just gives me a goofy grin. Unworried. Whatever. Military or stupid Z-gang, no one on this planet is worth my trouble. I can hardly make myself care if they win or lose. I lay back down, place an arm over my eyes, and repeat: “I’m not hungry.”

The old man sucks in his breath, like I had said I was dying or something, then gets up and leaves.

Finally, some peace.

Or as close as I am able to get to it.

I find myself wondering if death would have brought true peace. I was dead before, right? But all I can remember from that time is my fervent, all encompassing wish that someone— preferably Kakarot— kill that filthy Lizard.

I had not wanted to leave and had clung to that battle with all I had. The memories are garbled after death, but I think I still spoke to my fellow Saiyan. Maybe I might have had peace after that. That would have been nice.

Sadly, peace appears to be the one thing not available in this place. I recognise the crunch-step of feet on gravel, and have to stifle a groan. No torture that Hell could have dreamt up would have been as annoying and maddening as this constant string of visitors. It is the blue-haired young woman this time; the old coot’s spawn. Her voice sounds suspiciously friendly and chipper.

“Vegeta? Vegeta dear, will you come and have a look at what I’m fixing?”

I don't care. “Did your father send you?”

She answers a little too fast: “No!”

I can't help but bark a mirthless laugh. Well, I can teach her a thing or two about lying. “Sorry, I am busy.”

Her unamused drawl suggests she is not that stupid, though. “I think you’ve mowed our lawn enough for a while, don't you?”

I move the arm still covering my eyes slightly so I can squint up at her. She stands over me, hands on hips, all wide open eyes and bare shoulders. Her hair is up in a bun, strands fall past her face as she bends over me. She wears a  thin-strapped top over only marginally more practical pants. Yellow working gloves on her fists, an eyeshield dangling from one like an accessory. If not for the dark smudge by her nose, she’d resemble one of those girls on the square movie frame her mother likes to watch.

I can't decide if I’m more offended that she would approach me with so much bare skin to burn off, or that she can’t even be bothered to clean herself up before addressing royalty. Instead of letting my irritation show, I smirk and roll to my side, away from her. “I don't do manual labor. I’m relaxing. And as I can't manage to care about your silly projects, just run along.”

If I was hoping to bait her, I am disappointed. She stretches her arms over head as she straightens, and hums to herself, putting a gloved hand to her cheek. “That is a shame. I had thought to outdo my father’s machine. You know, the one that made Goku’s transition to Super Saiyan possible. But without a Saiyan to test it, I can hardly prove to father I’ve won our bet. Perhaps I should let Yamcha use it instead. Or Krillin. He’s pretty strong. Perhaps he could be super-human. Who knows…?” She trails off and smiles at me triumphantly.

At some point during her speech, I have sat up to scowl at her, but she sees right through my anger to the awakened hunger beneath.“I don't suppose you could just relax inside the spaceship for a while? I kind of need to test the gravity settings before I call this one safe for use, but poor little me will get squashed by anything beyond the 3 ½ setting…”

“Fah! Weak as you are, you’ll probably die at twice Earth's gravity.” Not to mention what would happen at, say, ten times Earth's gravity. But for me, that would be like coming home. Was this Kakarot’s secret to achieving such power?

Kakarot... As I straighten and cross my legs, I cannot help but think of our first battle. Now, that was a fight. I honestly can’t remember the last time I had so much fun. Well, at least up to the point where his bloody friends intervened and cut off my tail. They just have no sense of propriety. But before his friends intervened...I grin at my boots. I was winning, right? Our fight is not yet finished; perhaps a rematch is in order.

Yes, a rematch. The third-class may be dead, but here on this magic little mud-ball called Earth that does not seem to be a problem. And before Namek, before his special training, he was weak compared to me, so… if I use the same methods he did, should I not be able to surpass him? After all, I am the one meant to be a Super Saiyan. Everyone always said so. I effortlessly stand, my attention on my fist as I ball it slowly and remember what I am. Who I am..

“No, no.” The woman’s voice pulls me back to the present, turning as she shakes her head. “The science is in on this. I should be able to take up to 6 gees easily, but I won't be able to stand after 3, 3 ½  tops. That’s useless for my tests though. Father’s machine went up to 100 times Earth’s gee. Mine, once tested, should be able to generate 200 gees! Oh dear,” she walks off pensively, “do you think that might be too much?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I have to run after her to catch up. “You couldn’t build something to hurt me if you tried.”