#this is very meh and mid as per usual but i wanted to post at least smthing

[strwbrryfire]

everyone adores you (at least i do) —0481

𖥔 Or, a short and sweet ode to Silverstone.

𖥔 2.5k words, rated GA

director's cut :

It’s like he grieves for something that hasn’t ever left, or even happened yet. He mourns an unknown loss, and it’s not something he could ever let go of.  “I tell myself…I’m bigger than my hunger, y’know? But it’s like it’s in my nature,” Lando mumbles, swirling his watered down whiskey around, trying to keep his hand busy, “I take too much then just…immediately regret it because I remember I can’t handle it. How the hell am I supposed to…to overcome something that isn’t even physical? It doesn’t exist, I can’t just…”  He trails off, the fog in his head getting denser.  If he didn’t care, then maybe he wouldn’t be doing any of this. And then that leads to— “If I wasn’t constantly on the verge of mourning or biting at the kind things, then who would I be?” Oscar’s arm is firmly up against where Lando’s rests on the balcony, like an unmovable anchor. He doesn’t say a word, only hums to let Lando know he’s still listening.  Lando wants someone to tell him they’ll help feed it—the indefinable “it”. Help him reel it in and push it down, throw it out to sea, anything. He rubs his face and starts the train of thought again, “I want everyone to view me from my line of sight, not as someone bigger than life. I don’t want to conform to the appetite I’m supposed to race with. And it’s so unfair, because I know that’ll never happen. No matter what the fuck I do, I am stuck infinitely running in circles to…to fucking chase a hollow greatness. Or something.” He chose this life, he chose this bone crush—why hasn’t he learned how to be graceful about it? It’s like he has to forgive what gives him so many little deaths, all in order to even think about giving himself mercy. 

[benevolentbirdgal]

“Thirteen” Tips on Writing Jewish Characters / Some  Jewish Identity Stuff Explained

So you want to write a Jewish character, but don’t want to write a caricature? Or are worried they won’t register as Jewish to readers, or something will be off or wrong? Well I, friendly (virtual) neighborhood Jewish professional, am here to help! 

Note: The Jewish community is made up of roughly 14 million people worldwide with all sorts of backgrounds, practices, life circumstances, and beliefs. I’m just one American Jew, but I’ve had exposure to Jewishness in many forms after living in 3.5 states (at several different population densities/layouts), attending Jewish day school and youth groups, doing Jewish college stuff, and landing a job at a Jewish non-profit. I’m speaking specifically in an American or Americanish context, though some of this will apply elsewhere as well. 

Let’s start with the word “Jew.” It’s not inherently a slur, but can absolutely be used as one. I am a Jew. You can call me a Jew, just not a Jew. Like most minority groups, there are slurs against us, but Jew is the proper demonym. It can be used disrespectfully as a noun, but isn’t inherently disrespectful. Think “Chava is a Jew” versus “You’re being such a Jew.” 1a. Any use of Jew as a verb by gentiles (non-Jews) is not okay. Your Jewish characters should be horrified by someone telling them they “Jewed down the price.” 1b. Any use of Jewess by gentiles is not okay and your Jewish character should not be cool with it.  1c. Many Jews would actively prefer to be called such because that’s what we are and “Jewish person” is stepping away from our Jewishness. But I get that not everybody is going to be comfortable calling us Jews. That’s okay, and “Jewish person/people” or “X is Jewish” is TOTALLY ACCEPTABLE.  1d. With that said, Jewish people refers to ourselves as Jews. If Sarah is Jewish but is squicked about referring to herself as a Jew, your Jewish readers will immediately know she’s written by a gentile.  1e. Actual slurs against Jews is a post for another time (did you know K*ke literally means circle?). 

Your Jewish-American character likely does not speak Hebrew, Yiddish, Ladino, or any other Judeo-Language (languages that are a mix of Hebrew and at least one other language, typically written in the Hebrew abjad). Three notes on this, however: 2a. If your character is an immigrant or the child of an immigrant, they might speak the Judeo-language of the old country. The most common will be Israeli-Americans speaking Hebrew, but families still speaking Yiddish, Ladino, Judeo-Arabic, and other families do still exist. The children of Jewish immigrants might also speak another language that isn’t a Jewish one, like Russian or Spanish.  2b. If they are in a VERY religious Ashkenazi community, they might speak Yiddish at home and in the community.  2c. Odds are decent, however, that your American Jew can read but not understand Hebrew. If your character went to Jewish Day School or Yeshiva, they definitely read Hebrew, and will have some understanding of it (but likely not fluency). 

Despite what I just said above, your Jewish-American character likely drops a lot of Yiddish words and phrases into their day-to-day speech. Which words/phrases in probably a list for another time, but the most common will be foods, family names (i.e. “Zayde” instead of Grandpa), and sassy expressions. They may incorporate some Hebrew to a lesser extent. 

There’s not just one version of kosher. There’s kosher, kosher-style, Halav Yisrael, glatt kosher, etc. Depending on your character’s level of kosher, they’ve need a hecksher (kosher mark) on any given item or only eat at kosher restaurants, although not all Jews keep kosher and many keep “kosher-style” (i.e. only eat theoretically kosher things).

Your Jewish character should be a whole character, both in general and in relation to their Jewishness. This means, among other things, that they aren’t obsessed with Israel and I/P discourse one way or the other and that while writing you remember that not all Israelis are Jews and not all Jews are Israelis. Your Jewish character is not constantly agonizing over the I/P situation, has a life outside of their Jewishness, and shouldn’t be a cardboard stand-in for your desire to discuss the middle east. 

The Jewish experience varies dramatically with geography. Jews living in Omaha, Richmond, Philly, Kansas City, Boca Raton, and New York City are all American Jews. They will have drastically different Jewish experiences. I strongly recommend doing research on the Jews in the specific place your story takes places, but generally:  6a. The closer you are to the northeast coast and NYC (except south Florida) the better and more varied your Jewish resources.  6b. NYC has the highest Jewish population of any city on the planet. Big cities like Boston, Chicago, and L.A., as well as just outside of NYC in NJ and NYS, and suburban/exburb south Florida will have lots of Jewish resources: day schools (Jewish + secular education mix), maybe Yeshivas (Jewish focus), multiple synagogues, a Jewish Community Center, Jewish dating services, social stuff, Jewish charities, and youth activities. Your character will have other Jewish friends and their gentile friends will likely know other Jews. Antisemitism is still a problem and usually takes the form of excluding Jews from activism, thinly-veiled stereotyping or excusing antisemitism from people from other oppressed groups, but it’s usually not as overt as elsewhere. Almost always safe to disclose Jewishness.  6c. Small and mid-size cities Denver, Virginia Beach, Charleston, and Harrisburg will have a JCC or Jewish federation, multiple synagogues, and maybe a Jewish day school. Your character is not the only Jew their gentile peers have met, but the bagels are meh. They will have other Jews to bond and commiserate with. Antisemitism here is mostly like that in big cities with occasional burst of overt incidents and attacks. It is generally physically safe for them to disclose Jewishness.  6d. Big towns and small cities in the south or mid-west will have maybe one synagogue - probably reform or Chabad. Your character will have to seek out Jewish spaces, but they will be easy to find. They will not be everybody’s First Jew, but it will be unusual. Antisemitism here is mostly overt - most of the antisemites your character deals with will be very obvious and many will be violent. Jews in such situations will not hide their Jewishness per se, but will be more selective in choosing to disclose it.  6e. Rural areas and small-small towns will not have a synagogue. Your character and their family may be the only Jews or there might be a small group that meets on occasion or carpools to the nearest synagogue. They will have to actively seek out the others Jews and they will be difficult to find. Disclosing their Jewishness is a serious consideration and not always safe. Odds are they are many people’s First Jew, which gets really weird real fast. Beyond the harmless ignorant-but-trying-to-learn-from-their-first-Jew types your character will interact with, there’s also violent and overt antisemitism here.  6f. If your character is in college, they will likely have a Chabad and/or a Hillel on campus if they are at a large school or a school with a significant Jewish population. 

Related: when Jews meet each other for the first time, a game of “Jewish geography” ensues as they try and trace people they know in the other person’s state/city/community. 

Jews come in all shapes, colors, sizes, genders, sexualities, politics, and religious beliefs. There are all sorts of Jewish people with tons of different intersecting identities. Don’t box yourself in to writing one kind of Jew. Just research a ton on the particular subsection of the Jewish community your character is a part of - a Mizrachi-Jewish Persian-American bisexual woman is going to have a different experience than a straight Ethiopian-American Jewish man who is going to have different experience from a queer Ashkenazi-Jewish-American girl with non-Jewish family.  8a. Jews with Ashkenazi (eastern/northern European) ancestry and customs are the biggest group in the U.S., but by no means the only group or representative of every Jew. Sephardi (Spanish/southern European/north Africa), and Mizrachi (north Africa and the middle east) are the next biggest groups. It would not be unusual for your character to have Polish-Jewish, Iraqi-Jewish, Moroccan-Jewish, or Russian Jewish ancestry or a mix.  8b. Each of these groups have their own customs, Judeo-languages, local holidays, and local historic tragedies. Generally, historic Sephardi communities were linked between themselves, historic Ashkenazi communities were linked between themselves, and historic Mizarchi communities were linked between themselves. The three had some, but limited contact. Additionally, all three major groups have subdivisions within them.  8c. There are also smaller groups that don’t fall within the three traditional categories, like the Ethiopian Jews, the Cochin Jews (India), Chinese Jews, Gruzim (Georgian), and more. Most of these smaller groups were not in contact with the wider Jewish world.  8d. All Jewish groups start from the same base texts (the written Torah), and the majority include the oral Torah as well. Local interpretations and traditions develop, these are referred to as minhag(im) (customs). For example, the biblical commandment is to not boil a baby goat in its mother’s milk. Some communities extend this to mean no chicken and milk, others reason that chickens don’t produce milk so the mixture is acceptable. Both are equally valid interpretations rooted in tradition, but they are different.  8e. Marrying between Jewish subgroups in the U.S. is super common and outside of extreme or really intense groups is not frowned upon. Traditionally, the father’s minhagim are followed, i.e. a Syrian-Jewish father and a Spanish-Jewish mother would follow the Syrian-Jewish minhagim with their children. Many modern couples choose the mother’s traditions or mix them up, but that’s the traditional route. 

Unless they are VERY religious, your character’s family is unlikely to be particularly wound up about them being LGBTQ the way a comparably Christian family might, at least not because they’re Jewish. Samuel’s Jewish mother is likely unconcerned he likes boys and is much more empathetic than he must marry a Jewish boy and raise any kids Jewish. 

There are so many Jewish holidays, and they are not all celebrated the same or with the same intensity. Probably enough material for its own post, but the ones most likely celebrated by your character: 10a. Shabbat and/or Havdalah. Shabbat starts Friday nights with candles, wine/grape juice and challah bread, Havdalah ends Shabbat with a braided candle, wine, and aromatic spices. Shabbat dinner is usually a meat meal and it is common to invite guests or eat with friends and family (in normal times).  10b. The “High Holidays” - Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur. Jewish students often skip school for these. Yom Kippur is a 25 hour fast with services all day, Rosh HaShanah has services in the evening and morning.  10c. Passover - arguably the most important holiday. Celebrated with two sometimes agonizingly long Seders (ritual meals), family gatherings, and abstaining from leavened bread for 7/8 days.  10d. Hanukkah - Not actually that spiritually important, but culturally important for American Jews. Typically celebrated with candle lighting, presents, visits to family members, and greasy food. 

There’s a lot of wine involved in Jewish ritual, so it’s unlikely your character’s Jewish family are teetotalers. 

Jewish families tend to be very intense, loud, opinioned, caring, and involved, compared to many other assimilated American families. Shabbat dinner is not quiet. Dissent is a Jewish value - differing opinions are allowed (and expected in many circles), as is the ability to argue/defend competently. 

Jewishness can mean ethnic identity, cultural identity, and/or religion. There are several major denominations religiously, although that needs to be its own post in detail. The noteworthy movements at this point are Orthodox (further subdivided into Ultraorthodox and Modern Orthodox), Conservative (middle of the road, no relation to conservative politics), Reform, and Reconstructionist (both very “choose your own/your community’s adventure).

Probably will write more parts in the future, but this is heinously long already! Hope this is helpful!

[nealcassatiel]

My Cognitive Dissonance: The Two Fans Within Me

Sometimes I feel as though I’m two separate people who watch Supernatural. And these two separate people engage with the fandom differently, think of the show differently, and their perspective of the show differs. Of course, these two people interact and overlap, but they seem distinct from one another. I am usually aware of my own cognitive dissonances, which this is another example of. If you read this and feel differently/the same let me know! I’m interested in finding out how other people connect with this.

FAN A.

The first person I am as a Supernatural fan is the one who watched that first episode in January 2006. Supernatural has been a constant in this version of myself’s life for 13 years. Whilst I love the show to pieces, it’s the kind of very very long term relationship love where I don’t spend every week yearning for a new episode because I know it’s always been there. I don’t feel the dire need to engage with the fandom because I only started engaging with the fandom recently (in comparison to how long I’ve been watching the show). And my love for the show is just so constant that only when it’s super interesting do I need to scream to everyone about how amazing it is. Or more precisely, I’ve lived for so long with no irl friends watching SPN and not being in the fandom that I’m used to thinking over episodes alone, by myself, to myself. 

This version of me gets particularly excited at major episodes and season finales, and will feel some sense of waiting all week for the next episode to air, but it’s rarely this all-encompassing need for the next episode. Strangely, this side of me is kind of non-plussed about Destiel. Sure it’d make no narrative sense and would piss me off big time if it didn’t happen, but it wouldn't ruin the show for me and certainly isn’t the major reason I watch it every week. To this side of me, Destiel only became a big irreversible and obvious plot point in S12. Whilst there were hints of it before in the subtext, it was S12 that made it really obvious as a narrative plot point that shouldn't be shied away from. Before S12 I was of course aware of it, but I’ve always watched so many shows with canon LGBTQ characters that I’ve channeled all shipping love and love for representation into those, and never invested in non-canon m/m or w/w characters in case I get hurt. Also, for the first 11 years of my relationship with SPN, Destiel wasn’t a factor in my enjoyment of the show, so it’s still not and has never been the major reason I love and watch the show. Basically, this version of me is ALWAYS so fine with every episode. The ones that are a bit bad I’m fine with - there have always been OKish episodes per season. This version of me is fine with waiting each week - I know nothing else. This version of me seems to just have this calm acceptance of the show, it’s just this constant in my life which I love dearly and very calmly. I wouldn’t detest the show if Destiel doesn’t happen, I certainly don’t watch the show for ships, I don’t really ship characters together, more like see characters (Dean and Cas, Sam and Eileen) and think ‘it’d be cute if they got together.’ 

FAN B.

The second person I am as a Supernatural fan is the person who has really come to life after S12. This version is a massive Destiel shipper. Interestingly,  this version of me has been around long before S12 of Supernatural, it was just confined to other shows with canon couples. Take Torchwood or Shameless US  as examples of shows I used to be invested in with canon gay couples; I would wait with baited breath till the next episode to see what would progress with regards to the relationships. But of those shows would eventually piss me off, and their treatment of the gay couple would determine if I would continue watching the show for a while. Both of those shows messed with my faves and so I stopped watching them for literal years before I wanted to return to them. 

So this version of me who can’t wait to watch my fave w|w / m|m pairings each week seems to see those relationships as the fuel for my passionate love for the show, and also the reason why I might break ties with the show if those pairings don’t work out.  To be quite frank, this version of me can be quite tiring. I’m full of passion and love for a show and in love with their love and screaming with joy about my love of representation, but holy chuck does it wear me out each week waiting for the next episode and screaming over it each week. This version of me is also HIGHLY disappointed if the episode isn’t focusing enough on the couple. And so when S12 of SPN came along suddenly the more chilled, very accepting, and occasionally wildly impassioned long-time SPN fan was being thrust into the same mental space as sofa the Destiel loving exhaustingly passionate version of me. 

FAN A AND FAN B HAVE TO LIVE TOGETHER IN MY MIND

Unfortunately, there is no way that I can detach either of these versions from my singular mind. Fan A gets why Destiel-loving Fan B is so invested in that relationship and counts down the days until the next episode. Fan B doesn’t quite understand how Fan A is so chilled and not so invested. And so after a pretty OKish, non-destiel episode this is the conversation in my mind;

FAN A.: That was a good, entertaining episode. Classic mid-series - not great, but meh good enough. Gonna go away and think of the themes a bit. Cool. I’ll continue with my day and maybe come back to this at some point and look for things I might not have seen. But cool. Great.

FAN B.: What the fuck was that?! How the fuck are you so OK with that episode?????? This is absolute bullshit??? I wait all week for this???? BULLSHIT LET ME GO ONLINE AND EXPLAIN WHY.

FAN A.: Chill. It was entertaining. SPN can be like this, ya know.

FAN B.: But I’m disappointed!!!!! I can’t just chill cause you said?

End scene. And this is the conversation after say, the Tombstone episode;

FAN B.: OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMAZING! UNBELIEVABLE! That was awesome. I’m beyond elation right now!

FAN A.: You’re too much. I’m gonna go and take a step back.

FAN B.: BE MORE EXCITED!!!!!!!!

FAN A.: Why? Destiel isn’t all SPN is?

FAN B.: Wtf, dude? But why can’t you be happy for my happiness? Perhaps a queer relationship on a long-running series is... important, perhaps??? YA KNOW? And sure, of course it isn’t ALL SPN is, but it’s evidently an important plot point which has been building for years! And you say that like somehow you’re above people who are invested in shows for shipping? Or like their discussion of a relationship somehow devalues all other reasons they love the show or invalidates their other opinions on why they love the show. Somehow they suddenly become this ‘fangirl’, whereas you apparently see yourself as ‘above’ this, or having a more broad perspective??? wtf dude. 

FAN A.: Good point. Apologies if it came across like that. I dunno how to explain it though... I just don’t care as much as you about Destiel, and sorry mate but you’re exhausting and you’re making me come over to the side where I’m waiting each week and getting invested in Destiel which has never been my relationship with the show. And because you are so much louder in our mind, and vocal, and focused on Destiel, sometimes that doesn’t give me the space to have this perspective on the episode as well. And also when an episode is just OK, instead of me just being happy with it and accepting it was fine yet entertaining (like I used to), suddenly you jump in with all your emotions and get upset by it not being good and not including Destiel or much Cas. Which I get... I just used to have this solid enjoyment of the show, and sure there were many times when I was super happy and super sad about the show, but you experience these heightened emotions EVERY BLOODY WEEK. It’s either GREAT or it’s NOT. Never like... OK? And I miss being able to watch the show and not feel super tied to this one perspective and reading/plot point?

Conclusion

I lied. I don’t have a conclusion. I don’t really know what I wanted to gain from this post... it sort of descended into me having this argument with myself (which has occurred many times in my brain after an episode airs or when my inner Fan B is annoying me by being unable to wait for the next episode).

It’s not like I (whoever the I is here) is on either side more. It’s not like a value Fan A’s point because they’ve been there since episode 1. It’s not like I devalue Fan B’s points because they focus on destiel. I literally love and misunderstand both these fans within me.

So thoughts? Anyone get confused/annoyed by their inner multiplicity? Or is this just me and now I sound weird...

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW29 - Alon Wildcard Edition

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

LATE AS FUCK ALON ON WILDCARD EDITION... hopefully still interesting to read even if it’s this late. What do you think of Alon’s team???

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Patrício and Jiménez

IN: Heaton and Callum Wilson

Operation fuck Wolves off to hell begins a week earlier than I had anticipated. Of course Rui is dropped because why wouldn't he be dropped the gobshite. I don't have enough in the bank to get any GK except for Boruc which feels like a potential disaster waiting to happen. Bego was bad but they've been bad lately so who knows if he keeps his place over the next handful of fixtures. Not a place I want to be... I don't really care about losing Jim this weekend since they are shit and I hate him. Getting rid of guys I hate to guys I don't hate will at least make me feel happy...I think. Gambling on Howe the liar here a bit, but I'll be benching Callum this weekend anyway and will just hope that he's on the bench which would position him well to start next GW at Huddy. This effectively kills any plan to get Higz in but so be it. I think this is my best play.

GK:

Heaton (CRY)

NOT RUI!!!!! YES! Tom unfortunately goes against my team but it's still a relatively decent on paper home fixture and they have had great underlying defensive stats since he came back into the team. And I love him. Go on Tom you beauty.

DEF:

Robertson (eve)

Robbo the hero is an easy start. Not much to say about the boy.

Lascelles (whu)

Jamaal has a bit of a tricky one away to Wet Spam but not really going to overthink it and roll him out while they are on song.

Wan-Bissaka (bur)

Finally, 1b is back baby and straight into my XI. Not a great fixture but fucking fuck me if you think I'm starting Bennett instead of him. Not going to happen ever again.

MID:

Salah & Mané (eve)

All my money still in mid on display this weekend. Mo and Mane remain and it's silly to expect anything other than Livp completely doing Everton on Sunday. Maybe they will score 5 and Mo won't blank. Would be novel.

Son (ARS)

Private corporal Suon is a lad I will remain patient with. Don't know what to expect in the NLD but he's still a quality player and can bang in any game. Not expecting a ton but he still feels fine.

Pogba (SOU)

Paul has a home banker and should be good for some points.

Sterling (bou)

Finally, Raz goes to his favorite place on earth, Bournemouth in what should be a bloodbath. Raz has low key started 1 game in the last 4 gameweeks so...he owes us.

FWD:

Rondón (whu) & Barnes (CRY)

Running out big Sal and Smashley this weekend. Was originally planning to bench Barnes for Jim but the transfers forced my hand. Not expecting loads from these two this weekend but the fixtures aren't diabolical so who knows. Seems fine.

BENCH:

Bennett (CAR)

Wilson (mci)

Chambo (lol)

CAP:

Sterling (bou)

Raz obv. Rested and ready to fuck. Go get 'em Razzybaby.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

A MILLION TRANSFERS VIA WILDCARD

GK:

Heaton (CRY)

I went with Tom... Was on Alisson for a lot of tinkering, was on Ederson for a bit of tinkering, and eventually it came down to Dubravka and Boruc vs. Tom and Guaita and I went with the latter.. the fixtures in my opinion and underlying stats for Burnley (Burnley 4th in NPxGA since Heaton returned and Newc are for 15th in same period), are both a lot better then Newcastle, and Burnley 100% don’t blank in GW33 like Dubravka might do... Also I love the synergy with Guaita where A. I will bench Tom in GW30 when he goes to Anfield and Guaita is home to Brighton in their derby, and B. if Palace beat Watford in the cup then Palace will have a double in GW35 and that will be nice for me to have a doubling GK without having to make a transfer for it!

For this week Palace have been buozzin around a bit scoring some goals with Bats in and Wilf back to his old ways but I’m hoping at home Burnley can maybe do a job or at least rack up saves.

DEF:

Trent & Matip (eve)

Made sure that I was at least doubling up Liverpool defense and here we are now, entertain us... I don’t think that Trent needs any sort of WC explaining at all so skipping the scouse legend and onto the very under the radar Matip... Very quietly Matip has started 6 straight in the league (more if you include other comps) and is looking good in a partnership with VVD. He’s even looking dangerous on some set plays and some runs forward (like that dribble vs. Man. United)!... As for Gomez Klopp said the earliest he would come back is after the intl. break which would be GW32 when I’m FHing anyway, and Lovren should be back to training after this GW but I do not think that Matip will just straight up get dropped for no reason to go back to Lovren with this long of a spell out for Lovern and in for Joel... If I do need to get rid of Joel in GW33 or GW34 or GW35 then I will either go to the Liverpool CB who took his place or I will go to a defender who doubles in GW35 and both of those things are very easy to do.

Love the Joel pick and can’t wait for him to score vs. Everton to really hammer home how good a pick he is. Double Liv defensively every week is fantastic and in the derby it’s no different.

Luiz (ful)

This spot (let’s be honest, every spot) was also back and forth between different guys... A little Chilwell a little bit of this a little bit of that I don’t know... Settled on Luiz who we shouted on pod as simply just a really good pick for the rest of the season. In GW34 Chelsea are at Anfield and in GW36 they are at Old Trafford and every other match (and they don’t blank) is a good cleanable fixture. Luiz is a very solid pick and I’m happy to be on board there.

This week they get to go fuck Fulham sideways... Maybe new manager bounce will Fulham dudes titting and totting at Craven Cottage but meh, if Chelsea can just pay attention for 90′ they should keep an easy clean and destroy Fulham.

Lejeune (whu)

And Lejeune one of four dudes to actually stay in my team from the pre-wildcard lineup and that’s because he does a great job and has pretty decent fixtures and might not blank in GW33, does not blank in GW31.

Not the best of fixtures this week away to Hammers but they are still pretty damn injured and they are a bit outta form, West Ham... I’m hoping Newc can keep their good defensive form up and put in another cleanie. I’m starting Lejeune over Brooks (who may not start and has City) so hopefully it pays off. Go on Newc.

MID:

Salah (eve)

Easy Mo, I think ya gotta keep him in the end even with the derby usually being scrappy and low scoring I still think Mo is just a great pick with the fixture run and will repay the faith as he always does eventually... And one other thing we didn’t mention on pod that I was talking about all day on Slack and other pods backed me up is that despite a Mo blanking on a 5 goal day for Liverpool - he was fucking brilliant. Had an absolutely terrific match in progressing the ball, buildup, taking on their shitty LB, hockey assists, he hit the post, all that shit... Just not FPL stuff. Hopefully can build on the uptick of form and take his chances this time.

Sterling (bou)

Raz back was one of the key cogs on why or why not I was gonna WC and here we are. Raz the fuck in. Rested last week should be straight back into starting 11 this week and flying as per usual against garbage ass Bourney.

Pogba (SOU)

Kept Paul as well. Mainly because of this fixture this week, phenomenal fixture. And then I’ll start figuring out how and when to deal with him and his blanks... in my plans right now it will be Paul and Kun out for Haz and Higs on GW31 but we’ll see.

FWD:

Aguero (bou)

Kun in I mean. How could I not get Kun....??!??!? Yeah he might get rested this week but it’s still Bourney so 30ish minutes is still very much on for points for him and then next week on a full week rest he has home Watford and is the by far standout captain for that. The form and sex appeal are too much to ignore for me.

Barnes (CRY)

Template guy, non-blanker, extremely good numbers, mostly good fixtures. Not much thinking here.

Palace are tough and get AWB back but they’ll still be starting some fuck face next to Tomkins whether it’s Kelly or Dann to exploit. Not the same tight ship as before.

Rondón (whu)

Another big template bandwagonny guy he’s just good and also mostly has good fixtures. No blank in GW31 and maybe a blank in GW33 but NBD if he does I have plenty of guys. It’s gonna be great.

West Ham’s defense is diabolical so I’m hoping they continue to be themselves and Sal pops off. But Newc away vs. Newc home is a very different kettle of fish so we’ll have to see what’s up.

BENCH:

Brooks (MCI)

I like Brooksy a lot and 5.0 is an absolute joke of a price... Even though he rides the pine this week, Bournemouth have the best fixtures from GW30 through the end of the season of any team in the league. Absurd run and Brooks will hopefully keep titting in there.

McNeil (CRY)

Despite getting subbed early last week - for a cheap 5th mid spot who doesn’t blank in 31 or 33 McNeil is still by far the best from where I’m sitting... He’s been bright and should keep getting chances to make stuff happen. Good kid.

Schindler (BHA)

Piece of shit gets to stay in my team... That’s just the way the cookie crumbles........ Schindy is the cheapest nailed guy who doesn’t blank in GW31 or GW33. That’s it. Just cheap, just nailed, and otherwise a bad pick. There is literally nothing else that you need to know about Schindy and Huddy.

And backup keeper Guaita (bur)

Like I wrote in the Tom section he fits really well with Heaton so I’m very happy to combine the two there. And he’s still dirt cheap... Even though Palace defense should be slightly worse with no Mama it’s still pretty good and definitely capable of getting some cleans with the way Woy sets’em up so, yeah, ok, get in there. Back on the Guaita train...

CAP:

Sterling (bou)

Easy Raz easy life. This should be a thrashing and Raz should be nailed for this week. Didn’t really consider anybody ahead of Raz.

[jillmckenzie1]

A Little Magic

The internet has given us a great deal. From my laptop or phone, I have access to several lifetimes’ worth of information and culture. I can order a pizza, have it personalized precisely to my specifications, and it will be delivered to my overpriced hovel—all without having to speak to a human being. It’s a kind of magic.

The internet has also taken away a great deal. It can feel like decency is in short supply sometimes, and it can also feel like blizzards of information hide the fact that much of the information can’t be trusted. One of the worst casualties of the information age is the untimely demise of nuance.

Go online and things tend to be either the pinnacle of human perfection or a literal bucket of sewage. That’s particularly the case when it comes to movies. I have seen people post that Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice is the worst studio blockbuster in the history of film, and I have also seen posts about the very same movie opining that it operates at such a high level of quality that it cannot be understood by average folk.*

I’m just as guilty of being bitten by the hyperbole bug as anybody else. The fact remains that most movies fall somewhere in the “okay” category. Usually they’re pretty good, not so hot, fairly average, or “meh,” in the parlance of our times. Even the mighty Pixar, the juggernaut of family-friendly entertainment, has made a chunk of films that are perfectly fine, and friends, I submit to you that their latest film, Onward, is also perfectly fine.

Once upon a time, there was a land filled with magic. There were verdant rolling hills. There were unicorns frolicking upon the rolling hills. The air was lousy with pixies zipping hither and yon. However, much like yoga, magic was fiendishly difficult to perform properly, and much like yoga, most people simply gave it up after a while.

Time passed, and that land ended up looking an awful lot like ours. There are still creatures of myth like centaurs, yet now they just drive around everywhere.** Baby dragons have become obnoxiously affectionate household pets. The suburbs are made of whimsical houses with mushroom-shaped rooftops. That’s where Ian Lightfoot (Tom Holland) lives, and on his sixteenth birthday, he dreams of just a little bit of magic.

It’s not that Ian’s life is bad, per se, it’s just missing something. His mother Laura (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) loves him and works hard to give him a good life. His brother Barley (Chris Pratt) looks after him and means well, yet he’s the tiniest bit an underachiever, more focused on playing his Dungeons and Dragons-esque roleplaying game*** and fixing up a banged-up van that would be right at home in 1973.

There’s a hole in Ian’s life, one caused by the passing of his father due to illness. He never knew his old man, but he yearns to learn something about him. He’ll get his chance due to a secret revealed by his mother. You see, his father left a staff, a rare Phoenix Gem, and instructions for casting a spell to bring his father back. The spell goes wrong and only the lower half is resurrected. Now, Ian and Barley must undertake a quest to bring back the rest of their father, and they just have 24 hours to do it.

When most of us think of Pixar, we think of the art-deco style of The Incredibles or the potent and witty nostalgia of Toy Story. Pixar has developed a reputation for making some honest-to-goodness classics, and it’s perhaps a little unfair when they simply deliver a perfectly nice time at the movies. I liked Onward. I chuckled a bit at the onslaught of fantasy-inspired gags and felt a twinge of sentimentality as the movie desperately yanked on my heartstrings.

Director Dan Scanlon has been a part of Pixar for over a decade, and he’s absorbed the lessons of the studio to an extent. He’s made a film with zippy pacing and an airy touch, the kind of movie that young kids will enjoy due to goofy visuals, older kids will enjoy due to the amusing idea of Star-Lord and Spider-Man from the MCU ragging on each other as brothers, and adults will enjoy due to some well-placed moments of emotion. Scanlon’s film is a well-animated crowd-pleaser, and he really, really wants the crowd to be pleased.

Scanlon also has something to say. Along with co-screenwriters Jason Headley and Keith Bunin, Scanlon intended for his script to be more than a comedic and episodic fetch quest — which it definitely is. He wants to focus on how we deal with the loss of a parent and the accompanying unresolved issues. Their script should rip my heart out, since those themes are definitely something I can relate to. I wonder if the problem is with the movie or me, since I didn’t feel much beyond a vague, “I miss my dad,” which was followed quickly by, “I need to get more dog food tomorrow.” At their best, Pixar’s films are legitimately profound. Ratatouille shows us how food is tied up with emotion, while Inside Out deals with the chaotic business of emotions themselves. They achieve that profundity by knowing exactly when to get silly, when to get serious, and when to marry the two to create something more. This screenplay never reaches those heights, and we can feel the familiar Pixar formula a little too acutely. Its heart is in the right place, though, and I’ll always give a screenplay credit for that.

For the most part, the cast is firmly in their comfort zones. Chris Pratt is a sweet and swaggering blowhard who’s about 60 percent less cool than he thinks he is, while Tom Holland is a young man trying to figure out who he is. That’s all fine. What’s less fine is casting a comedic force like Julia Louis-Dreyfus and giving her so precious little to do beyond being supportive. Octavia Spencer is entertaining as The Manticore, a…um…manticore. A once tough adventurer, she’s traded in the questing for managing a family-style restaurant, and it’s a life change she’s less than thrilled by.

Onward is a comfortably mid-tier work from Pixar. I think it’s destined to become an “Oh yeah, I remember that!” kind of movie. There’s a place for movies like that. If you want to take your kids to something that won’t be highly annoying, want to suggest as a safe option for a first date,**** or want a lazy Sunday post-hangover film that’s not too taxing, Onward will do the trick nicely.

  *The internet also gives people the ability to express opinions that they would never have the courage to say out loud in public.

**One of my favorite throwaway gags in Onward is a split-second shot of a centaur playing Prance Prance Revolution.

***If nothing else, I hope this film helps to get more budding nerds into D&D.

****Contrast that with the first date my wife and I had, where we saw Bringing Out the Dead, a Martin Scorsese film about a suicidally depressed paramedic.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/33581-2/

[junker-town]

2017 NHL mock draft: What if Nolan Patrick and Nico Hischier fall?

Nothing is certain about this draft, including the top two picks.

The overriding theme of the 2017 NHL Entry Draft is uncertainty.

The last few drafts have spoiled us. No doubt many fans feel each NHL draft offers someone like Auston Matthews, Jack Eichel, Aaron Ekblad or Connor McDavid at the top of the pile.

You can’t really blame that sentiment, but it’s not accurate. Especially this year. The first round of this draft is full of quality players, yes, but none are sure-fire best overall players. While Nico Hischier and Nolan Patrick have risen to the top of everyone’s draft boards, there’s been enough questions about both over the last year that it’s worth wondering what might happen if neither go first overall.

Patrick has endured an injury-plagued draft season that dampened hype over a guy most expected to be the obvious No. 1 choice. Hischier rose out of relative first round obscurity to the top of everyone’s boards with a terrific season. Heck, Timothy Liljegren dropped from the consensus best defenseman to a mid-first round pick in most mocks after illnesses kept him out of Rogle’s lineup for stretches.

Who knows what might happen? Certainly not us, so let’s imagine a world where the “Consensus Top Two” don’t go in the top two.

1. New Jersey Devils — Gabriel Vilardi, C, Windsor (OHL)

Photo by Dennis Pajot/Getty Images

I honestly think Vilardi’s draft stock has risen to the point that this scenario isn’t ridiculous. That’s thanks to Windsor winning the Memorial Cup, with Vilardi making the Memorial Cup All-Star Team after racking up seven points in four Memorial Cup games. Vilardi was a 1.19 points per game player this year between the regular season and playoffs and impressed many with his ability to protect the puck and make plays below the circles. His patience, vision and intelligence are top-notch and would give the Devils a sure-fire top-six playmaker for years.

2. Philadelphia Flyers — Casey Mittelstadt, C, Eden Prairie (HS)

I realize asking the Flyers to pass on Hischier and Patrick at #2 is past the point of believability, but them’s the rules. Philly has drafted very well on defense and goaltending lately but lack playmaking forwards. Owen Tippett might be a fit here, but if the Flyers somehow pass on Patrick or Hischier it means they think there’s a better player at those two positions. And the only other contender here is Mittelstadt, a high-octane playmaker committed to the University of Minnesota next year.

3. Dallas Stars — Nolan Patrick, C, Brandon (WHL)

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Nolan Patrick 2017 scouting report | SB Nation NHL Draft Match

Nolan Patrick will be a top two pick in the 2017 NHL Draft, and it's time you get to know him.

Posted by SB Nation NHL on Monday, May 15, 2017

Patrick wouldn’t fall past this spot. Dallas would snap up the draft’s best all-around forward in the draft in a heartbeat. Often compared to Jonathan Toews or Anze Kopitar, Patrick’s hockey I.Q., mobility and excellent playmaking skills make him a terrific two-way center capable of making a big difference in whatever role he’s asked to play.

4. Colorado Avalanche — Nico Hischier, C, Halifax (QMJHL)

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Nico Hischier 2017 NHL Draft scouting report | SB Nation NHL D...

Nico Hischier has dazzling offensive talents. Will he be a Flyer or a Devil?

Posted by SB Nation NHL on Monday, May 15, 2017

You’re welcome, Avalanche fans. The worst NHL team in about five years didn’t win the draft lottery but somehow gets a top-two player anyway in this scenario. Matt Duchene is probably on his way out this summer via trade, opening up a top-six role for Hischier down the road. He’s quick, he’s elusive as hell and owns superior playmaking skills. This is as far as he would fall.

5. Vancouver Canucks — Miro Heiskanen, HIFK (Finnish Liiga)

Worst possible scenario for Vancouver, who’d love to snap up one of the top four centers with this pick. Instead, Heiskanen falls to them. Not a bad prize at all; Heiskanen is a smooth skater and one of the better puck distributors from the back-end. The best news is that his 6’0 frame isn’t a problem for him. Heiskanen has an active stick and uses positioning instead of physicality to clean up things in his own end.

6. Vegas Golden Knights — Owen Tippett, RW, Mississauga (OHL)

Vegas will need guys who can score, and Tippett might own the best shot in the draft. He’s drawn comparisons to Phil Kessel for his scoring ability, speed and power play proficiency, which led him to 44 goals in 60 games this year.

7. Arizona Coyotes — Cale Makar, D, Brooks (AJHL)

Makar might be the highest riser in the draft this year after an eye-popping 24-goal, 75-point season in one of Canada’s tier-two junior leagues. He’ll face stiffer competition with UMass-Amherst next season, but for now the 5’11 defenseman will make for a fine prize for a Coyotes team stacked with talented forwards to receive his passes.

8. Buffalo Sabres — Cody Glass, C, Portland (WHL)

Another riser. Glass is one of the better two-way forwards in the class who developed into a true scoring threat this season. His 32-goal, 94-point season was pleasantly surprising and indicates a kind of NHL versatility few young forwards possess. Buffalo already has an elite player like that in Ryan O’Reilly, and Glass would be another welcome addition.

9. Detroit Red Wings — Martin Necas, C/W, Brno (Czech)

As Detroit rebuilds, they can hang their hat on one of the more flashy pivots in the draft. Necas lacks size (he’s 6’0) and needs to work on his defensive responsibility but is a threat in the offensive zone and knows how to deceive goalies with his shots. A top-six, playmaking forward Detroit can build around.

10. Florida Panthers — Eeli Tolvanen, LW, Sioux City (USHL)

Jaromir Jagr and Jussi Jokinen are nearing retirement, and the Panthers will need scoring replacements on the wing. Tolvanen fills that need with a bomb of a shot and scoring instincts you can’t teach. However, Tolvanen is small and lacks top-end speed, which may make it difficult for those talents to translate to the NHL game.

11. Los Angeles Kings — Michael Rasmussen, C, Tri-City (WHL)

The front-office shake-up indicates some sort of change in philosophy, but Rasmussen is skilled enough to still fit into those plans. He’s also the prototypical Kings forward: a 6’6 center with excellent net-front skills and a good shot. Rasmussen isn’t overly physical yet, but that can be coaxed as he fills out his frame.

12. Carolina Hurricanes — Elias Pettersson, C, Timra (Sweden)

A playmaking center in the truest sense of the term, Pettersson owns a nice mix of speed, vision and passing ability that makes him an offensive threat. He also has shown some tenacity in board-play and forechecking, indicating he might become a better all-around player than he seems to be now. Carolina could use a center like him.

13. Winnipeg Jets — Juuso Valimaki, D, Tri-City (WHL)

Photo by Marissa Baecker/Getty Images

I really like Valimaki. His transition to the North American game was as smooth as you’d want from a young player. Valimaki’s two-way game shined, racking up 42 assists in 60 games. But his ability to back-track and shut down advances the other way is equally impressive; of all the defensemen in this draft, I think Valimaki might crack an NHL lineup the quickest.

14. Tampa Bay Lightning — Erik Brannstrom, HV71 (Sweden)

Another small (5’10), puck-moving defenseman, eh? And another fast-riser: Brannstrom has the makings of a power-play quarterback at the NHL level. The key with any player of this type is his intelligence at both ends, and Brannstrom already demonstrates that. Tampa Bay adds a defenseman capable of giving their talented forwards the puck.

15. New York Islanders — Klim Kostin, LW/RW, Dynamo Moscow (KHL)

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: a big Russian winger with a high skillset going in the top 15 picks. Usually this is where the Stars draft Valeri Nichushkin and Denis Gurianov.

Kostin plays along those same lines, but with a better shot and willingness to shoot than Nichushkin and an encouraging attention to detail in his own end. A shoulder injury cut his season short, and any KHL forward will draw some wariness, but there’s plenty to like about Kostin’s potential.

16. Calgary Flames — Nicolas Hague, D, Mississauga (OHL)

A 6’6 defenseman who can distrubute the puck with aplomb is a rare thing, but Hague qualifies. He may not use his body as a weapon enough, but a player with his vision, reach and frame can be taught to separate opponents from the puck. His skating is pretty meh, but with patience Hague could become a quality top-four defender in Calgary.

17. Toronto Maple Leafs — Callan Foote, D, Kelowna (WHL)

Photo by Marissa Baecker/Getty Images

Really can’t see the Leafs taking anyone other than a defenseman in this first round considering the kind of forward talent they’ve accumulated lately. With Hague gone, Foote is the next best thing. Despite flashes of two-way play, it’s more likely the son of Adam Foote follows those footsteps as a defensive defenseman at the NHL level.

18. Boston Bruins — Lias Andersson, C, HV71 (Sweden)

Andersson is everything you think of when it comes to Bruins hockey: an intelligent center with a high work ethic and compete level despite a slight 5’11 frame. Andersson possesses the skills to become an offensive weapon and the tenacity to work the penalty kill.

19. San Jose Sharks — Kristian Vesalainen, RW, Frolunda (Sweden)

This Finnish winger fell in draft rankings after a slower year, but the offensive skills are still there. The 6’4 winger is a power forward in the making, with a strong drive to the net and a well-developing defensive game.

20. St. Louis Blues — Nick Suzuki, C, Owen Sound (OHL)

Even if Suzuki doesn’t end up as a pivot in the NHL, he projects as an impactful, all-situations forward. A feared penalty killer for years in the OHL, Suzuki’s offensive game blossomed this season into one of the league’s top scorers. Few draft players compete as well and as hard as him.

21. New York Rangers — Timothy Liljegren, D, Rogle (Sweden)

One considered a top-five pick, a couple of factors have hurt Liljegren this year. First, an illness hurt his playing time. Second, he didn’t improve from season-to-season like other players in the draft. And now he looks more like a boom-or-bust offensive defenseman; a player worth taking as long as you understand the risk-taking style he might never shake. Obviously worth a swing for the Rangers, though, who lack that kind of blueliner.

22. Edmonton Oilers — Kailer Yamamoto, RW, Spokane (WHL)

Photo by Derek Leung/Getty Images

This would be so fun to watch. Yamamoto is a 5’8 player and a lock for the first round because his offensive senses and skills are so superior to so many other forwards in this class. He knows how to use his speed and awareness to evade physical opponents. If he can translate that to the NHL, he and Connor McDavid could become must-watch duo.

23. Arizona Coyotes (from Minnesota Wild) — Isaac Ratcliffe, LW, Guelph (OHL)

If you have a system full of skilled forwards, what do you add to balance it out? A humongous-big winger with offensive instincts. Ratcliffe, 6’6, is a force all over the ice, willing to run over anyone in his way to get to the puck. Arizona would have Clayton Keller and Cale Makar to man the boards and point on the power play and Ratcliffe to terrorize defenders in front of the net.

24. Columbus Blue Jackets — Ryan Poehling, C, St. Cloud (NCAA)

A big, two-way center in the mold of Brandon Dubinsky or even Pierre-Luc Dubois, who the Jackets drafted third overall last year. He lacks the top-end scoring talent of Dubois, though, and would fill a more secondary role in the top nine.

25. Montreal Canadiens — Nikita Popugaev, LW, Moose Jaw (WHL)

Popugaev is a massive winger who uses his 6’5 frame to aid his scoring ability as much as remove others from the puck. The knock on him is that he’s a one-trick pony: he waits for the puck and then drives straight to the net and shoots. Can you get him to commit to a 200-foot game and use his strength more? Montreal would like to find out.

26. Chicago Blackhawks — Connor Timmins, D, Sault Ste. Marie (OHL)

If I’m Chicago, I draft a defenseman. Any defenseman who falls here. Timmins hasn’t fallen as much as he’s risen after a 61-point season that highlighted his impressive puck-moving abilities.

27. St. Louis Blues (from Washington Capitals) — Henri Jokiharju, D, Portland (WHL)

Would the Blues take a defenseman with more flash than defensive substance at this point? I’d like to see them try it out. Much like many of his first round counterparts, Jokiharju is a puck rush-first defender who likes to take the puck and cut into the offensive zone. Think Trevor Daley in his heyday with the Stars: a quick defenseman who may not generate points but drags the play into the offensive zone very well.

28. Ottawa Senators — Jake Oettinger, G, Boston College (NCAA)

Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images

And the run on goalies begins with a team that has no future goalies to speak of. Oettinger might be the best ‘tender in a quality crop this year, a 6’4 goalie with size and impressive mobility and instincts. He had a fantastic freshman year with the Eagles.

29. Dallas Stars (from Anaheim Ducks) — Ukko-Pekka Luukkonen, G, HPK (Finland)

Luukkonen is another 6’4 goalie with good agility and starting potential. Like most Finnish netminders, he possesses a calm focus in his crease at a young age. Dallas fans will rejoice at getting a good quality netminder they can look forward to.

30. Pittsburgh Penguins — Urho Vaakanainen, D, Espoo (Finland)

Vaakanainen isn’t flashy at all, but have you seen the defensemen the Penguins have rolled out this postseason? They’ll take safe and sound any day.

31. Nashville Predators — Shane Bowers, C, Waterloo (USHL)

A two-way center with tons of skill and upside. Fills a massive need for the Predators, who might lose Mike Fisher this summer to retirement and don’t have any great center prospects in the wings.

[dangerouschopshopfire-blog]

HYBRID NBA/PGA PLAYS AND STRATEGY GUIDE (read till the end cucks)

I WANT TO REMIND EVERYONE I AM RUNNING A MM BRACKET WITH THE HELP OF @RTNBA AND WE ALREADY HAVE OVER 20 ENTRIES, IT IS $10 TO GET IN DM ME IF INTERESTED

 NBA First (I am not going to write a lot of explanations today because of all the cross sport work I am doing)

 THE Plays:

 Jeremy Lamb $4,900 – If Mary had a little lamb…why shouldn’t you?

 Kemba Walker $8,400 – No Batum makes his floor safe for once

 Tobias Harris $5,600 – Matchup is meh but he is again seeing time and shots so he is pretty safe at PF for a cash play, upside is there but more limited than usual.

 Alan Williams $5,600 – I like him over Zubat (yes the pokemon you cunts) at Center

 The Good Plays:

 Brandon Ingram $4,300 – I’m tired of writing about him

 Marvin Williams $6,500 – I don’t believe the hype because Marv has never done this in his career but I know a lot will ride the hot streak and I cant blame them for it

 Ricky Rubio $7,600 – Viva La Spain!

  The GPPs :  

 Join me on boom fantasy a new DFS like app where each slate you are given 8 questions to answer top score wins you get a free 5$ ticket when you sign up

http://boomfantasy.com/i/clevelandgod

 Dirk Nowitzki $6,300 - *sleep emoji* 

 FADE :

 ┏┓ in

┃┃╱╲ this

┃╱╱╲╲  house

╱╱╭╮╲╲  we

▔▏┗┛▕▔   don’t

╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲  

  Roster The Beard on FD

╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲

▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔

  PGA IS BELOW BUT DONT FORGET TO CHECK OUT MY MARCH MADNESS META GAMING ARTICLE HERE AFTER (https://dangerouschopshopfire.tumblr.com/post/158364974144/march-madness-meta-gaming-and-how-to-dominate)

 PGA TIME

 Okay so I am not separating these plays by much more than price tag. The main crux of this is to help you understand how to format your lineups and which value guys are in play, you can figure out the expensive guys :)

 So first strategy, Fanduel decided to basically split the usual PGA contest in two. Instead of having 8 guys the whole time you get 4 for the first two round and 4 for the last two, this means you NEED all of your round ¾ guys to make the cut. Another interesting note is id your round ½ guys place within the top 25 you get an added bonus to their score so its pretty crucial to hit 8/8 cuts if you want a shot at a good payday. So to recap you NEED all of your round ¾ to make the cut and you want all 4 of your round ½ to make it (besides if they miss the cut they likely aren’t getting you any points anyway…). This setup especially with the poor pricing means its all about those value guys round ½ who can make the cut and get you a few extra points and picking the winner (or near winner) in round ¾.

 So lets move onto some value plays (round ½ plays)

 Note: Im not giving out all my plays :P

 Lucas Golver $6,200

Graham DeLaet $6,700

Byeong-Hun An $6,700

Adam Hadwin $7,900

Wesley Bryan $6,700 (four straight top tens makes him an excellent round ½ gpp play)

 Round ¾

Generally we want our expensive plays here along with mid priced guys who can make the cut

 Day (returning champ)

Stenson

Fowler

Hadwin

Kaymer

 Fade

 Rory *garbage emojis*

  PGA is going to be very soft for the first month or so, which means I don’t want to give away too much besides the general strats and some good plays (since I know a lot of you have free tickets).

 Anyone interested in FD PGA lines can DM me I am setting up a group $25 per 5 weeks (5 contests) there will be a ton of overlay in the PGA contests so now is the best time to join!

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW22 - Happy New Year Edition

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

Extra long lambs this week because it’s a podless GW and I guess we have many things to say as well as many doubts. Ok here we go :)

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Lukaku GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY TEAM, Paul, and RLC

IN (For -4 points): Quaner, Alli, and Eriksen

The Jesus injury gave me some pause over the plan to go heavy on Spurs attack for the double but in the end decided meh fuck it. I can always go for Aguero after he plays Liverpool if it seems a prime thing to do. A little bit worried about City scoring for fun without Dilva and possibly without Kevin. My team would still have the same problem of being thin if I did go for Aguero in for Lukaku so am gonna restructure and get in there with a big move this week for the double.

Alli was automatic as I've been feeling how he's been looking lately. Eriksen v Son was a close one for me. Son explosive, but has the slight shout of being rested whereas Eriksen seems pretty nailed regardless. Going to go for the minutes play here. Little bit of nostalgia for me as well getting in Alli and Eriksen who were in my GW1 squad and did me well back in the day.

I am a bit worried about Quaner playing this GW but at this point I just want to get the cheapest guy possible and he seems a good first choice lad. Also feel like Huddy aren't the hugest shout to significantly reinforce in the transfer window in attack so hopefully he keeps it up.

I'm keeping Stephens over RLC for the simple reason that RLC could be knocked and miss out. Points this GW feels enough of a reason to keep Stephens over RLC. RLC looks like a really bad FPL pick with Benteke in and him playing in a more reserved role anyway so he's off. Had a couple of tidy returns for me so thanks bro but see you later.

GK:

Adrian goes. Woah. First non-Pope time at GK for me for a long fucking time. Feels weird but also good. DGW keeper always a good guy to have and WBA at home seems as good a clean shout as you can have at this moment. If he gets 8 or so points it would be very nice.

DEF:

Five at the back again for me. Triple Chelsea defense are in as per....Christensen, Azpil, and Moses....which much to my fucking nightmare was only 1 Chelsea defender in GW21 after Conte subbed Moses before 60'.... it’s their first difficult on paper fixture since I've gone with the treble. But, looking at how fucking shit Arsenal have been a clean doesn't seem that insane here.

Phil Jones god and legend of the baps is the most auto thing of life. Preached patience with United defense on the last pod and it came in straight away which was tidy. Everton are the worst attack possible so fuck them. Clean seems likely.

Last guy is the Dunk of Lewishire. Dunk and BHA defense has been a massive unheralded star of the FPL season for me and any of you who have been rotating a BHA defender for some time. They welcome the completely rudderless and injured to fuck Bournemouth side. Get in Lew my absolute son.

MID:

New old friends Alli the middle fingering diving cunt is back in alongside Eriksen. Not sure how long I'll keep, or who will get fucked off first, but Coutinho will be coming in soon for one of these lads. Just bought lottery tickets in Spurs attack and if they are able to put in between 5-7 goals over the two games I'll be absolutely BUOOZZINNNNN and also probably flying. Kill to fly, fly to kill.

Salah looks like he's a little bit dead, but since I bought him at 9m removing him was not even a small consideration. Will just have to rely on the bench if he doesn't go.

Finally, Raz is in and looks a dead cert for a start after not featuring today. Good guy Raz.

FWD:

Just the solitary Harold this GW. Standard 541 here at FMLFPL HQ nothing to see lads.

BENCH ORDER:

Quaner, Stephens, Niasse.

Bunch of lads. Who knows who will play and who will not play but I have three guys on the bench so getting a full team out looks very likely. Good job by me.

CAP:

TRIPLE CAP Kane.

It's time for me. I want to use the chip on Kane and the fixtures are as good as you can hope for. No assurances that Spurs will have another DGW and even though there is 1 day off between I am willing to take the risk using the chip this GW. It will allow me to pump the WC the week OF a future DGW instead of the week before which is pretty tidy and honestly I think we overrate the chips a LOT. Sure they are good, but it's not the end all be all of life.

I think illness whatever is dumb and I'm willing to risk that he will make it for both games. He's on fucking form and has just had a nice rest. Harry will Harry, triple cap will triple cap. Let's go Kane drink the nectar of the hat trick gods and keep pumping the goal with your jizzum.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Richarlison my love and Lejeune the fuck

IN (For my second -4 of the season): Arnie and Ogbonna

Are you not supposed to have a bevy around a recovering alcoholic? I’d imagine not. Or smoke fags around someone trying to quit? Probably poor form, that. But here we are. I’ve been enabled... :)

I took a hit, my first hit of the season last week, and it resulted in a net +6 points (including the -4) and a nice green arrow. MY BLOOD IS PUMPING IN THIS MOMENT!!!!!!!

Hit #2 quickly followed today and oo baby I’m feeling nice... My hands were shaking and I had the cold sweats with a beautiful woman in the nude calling out to me... but I slighted her and instead looked up West Ham defensive statistics and compared Arnie to Lanzini for a couple of hours and took the -4; the only thing that’s real...........!!!

Richar my beautiful Brazilian lover our fling has flung. Obrigado for the points mate but you have City and there’s a double gameweek on the cards. Two fixtures, albeit one of them bad vs. Spuds, and I just had to go for Arnie.

Lejeune being dead in what will be the most heavily rotated GW of the season with Salah already ruled out and RLC probably missing out lead me to the second transfer and the -4; I just needed some fucking guys. The upside is there to make up the -4 so I’m tagging along with everybody else and it leaves me with four doublers for the DGW which feels pretty nice. So let us go.

GK:

DDG and United up against the Eve feels like as easy a cleansheet fixture as you can get. Tidy 7 pointer from him last GW and faith restored.

DEF:

Kicking off with Jones up against the same blues of Eve should be easy workings. And you know he’s Phil Jones king of the fucking BONES. 9 pointer what else is new. Good to have you back Philip.

Otamendi straight the fuck in last week with an 8 pointer as he seems to do every week. Took the shittiest ass pen from Milivojevic but I will happily cash those points in. Ota such a great pick - maybe a double up on the way soon with Stoner. Would make a lot of sense to not keep clean here with like a Richarlison brace or something since I transferred him out but ya know, whatever.

Christensen I have starting but who knows if Conte will follow suit. No one knows a thing about Christensen our Chelsea darling boy and if he can find a way into the 11 but we can hope. He’s top quality but blah - it’s concerning - getting another Chelsea defensive asset is at least 1 million away so it’s fucking hard to do. Come on BOD get in there bro. I don’t care it’s Arsecast, you start Chelsea defenders confidently in all fixtures. That’s how they do it.

Lastly new lad Ogbanzo beans should go twice for me. If they clean against West Brom will just be suuuuuch a huge boost of life. If he’s on 2 or less points going into Spurs will feel sad and bad. Meh. Never know. Two bites of the apple get me something Oggy.

MID:

Gonna start with the man the myth the Egyptian fucking god legend Momo Salah. He’s in - of course he’s in would be foolish and disrespectful to bench him - but Klopp has ruled him out for 2ish weeks which is a bummer. So he’ll probably be back for Man. City but we’ll get more autosubs in this week. At the end of Lambs we’ll each post our benches too since it’s going to be rotational hell.

Raz goes straight in Home Watford sexual fixture on the table - didn’t start earlier today so should be in vs. Watford and hauling as usual. Although we’ll see how good/bad City’s attack looks with no Kev and no Daveed (who knows with Daveed).

SUON my Korean boo, my differential treater, been a huge part of my run of greens these Heung-Min points. Got a double fixture on the cards for this GW and I’m just hoping for a combined more then 90 minutes - that’s all we can realistically hope for. And he’s been fantastic. Love him. Should bring in some points.

And Arnie the new guy in the squad. Scary to transfer in a guy who you might want to transfer out very very soon - never feels quite right - but he’s got a double this week and is bang on form starting OOP up top. Lots of shots and big chances and creating shit and touches in the box - TIT ME ARNOLD ARNAUTOVIC!

FWD:

Two guys leading the line in this moment. Alvy Morata the absolute shit-house I don’t know how fucking hungover he must’ve been to not get anything in a 5-0 thrashing but fucking hell. At least I didn’t cap him and avoid that nightmare but I still rate him - but it’s troubling. He might have to go soon. For now I’m just chilling he’s still a good pick and nailed and whatever. Arsecast can’t defend much.

The other guy is Lord Harold of Kane. He’s an absolute must this week - the most must of any guy in any week that I can remember. He was sick a few days ago he’s probably fucking fine. Maybe I’ll be awake until 5-6am and see some sort of additional news but even without the news I think Kane is fine. I expect somewhere around 150 minutes from him this GW and with those fucking fixtures that is pretty insane to think that he will not at least double return... I mean no one is guaranteed points but fucking hell Harold is a great horse to bet on.

BENCH ORDER:

I’m sat on Duffy, Quaner, RLC in this moment.

RLC is a problem and think he should be third on most benches. Duffy good shout at a clean probably coming in for Mo and then Quaner likely to get some minutes even he doesn’t start for a one point cameo if anyone else is rested/rotated in my team. Feels fine.

CAP:

DON’T YOU MEAN..... TRIPLE CAP!?!?!!?!??!?! OOKKKKKKKK LET’S FUCKKKKKKKK IT’S ON BABABYBABBBABABABY!!!!!!!

You already fucking know. Kane the most nailed cap of any life but Triple Cap - I’m going there - fuck it. I’m here I’m there...

Earlier today I really wasn’t feeling good about the triple cap - mostly just apprehension that everything is coming too fast and I’m gonna fuck something up. It’s been a crazy festive period and I’m just like ok, I need to chill, the green arrows are flowing, I just need to fucking chill.... But fuck that shit.

I struggle to come up with any STRONG arguments to NOT triple cap Kane and that’s where we’re left. The only two arguments to not triple cap Kane are:

1. Only one day off between fixtures - can he really play significant minutes in both with one day off.

2. Illness gate / yellow flag / no news.

But those are fucking REEEAAAALLLY weak arguments for me. Illness gate I mean that was a few days ago now. He’s probably fucking fine and not sick anymore like an asshole - and he has Monday off as well to rest up. And speaking of rest up I think he’ll just have to play 70ish in both (maybe more if they’re not winning) and tough it out because he’s not a fucking baby he’s a fucking man. And he’s resting now and he’ll rest after.

The arguments FOR triple capping him in my opinion are pretty overwhelming. Best guy, check, incredible form, check, most important player for the team, check, on pens, check, exceptional fixtures, check... What more do you want? Goal involvement, check, mouth breather, check, childhood GOONA, check, one season wonder, check, golden boot merchant, check.

LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!