#this is very loosely based on someone in my life irl

[voctorianwriting]

Wish I could call you mine

But you were never mine to have

That was a chance I lost long ago

No, it was a chance I never had.

We don't talk much, we never did.

But i struggle to find excuses for the way you sometimes look at me.

In a crowd I never fail to catch the way you glance at me.

Maybe it's because my actions catch you off guard too,

But I can't help care about you -too-

No maybe it's me who's hopeful, me who's picking up things that aren't there and never have been.

Because you are already spoken for

And you two are complete together

Even that I can't argue,

So these words might be about you, but never are they meant for your ears to hear.

[chronically-ghosted]

my home is you

rating: general

pairing: frankie morales x f!reader

word count: 1.6K

summary: you warm frankie up after he stays out in the cold.

warnings: snuggling, neck kisses, absurdly large sweaters, family disagreements, mentions of financial hardships, the weakness of southerners when it comes to the cold, mentions of PTSD and treatment, discussions of a dead relative, but honestly just lots of fluff

a/n: @maggiemayhemnj it's here, thank you for your patience! and thank you to everyone who sent in prompts for my mini-challenge, Merry Thanksgiving Nonsense 2023 -- I had so much fun! this can be take place in the same universe as "in another life", but it doesn't have to!

also shout out to the boy irl who inspires all of this 🤍

There are certain things you pick up about a person after two years of marriage. 

In certain cases, you might learn how they prefer their socks to be folded up, or what brand of detergent they think smells the best. Maybe their eating habits after a bad day, or how quickly they go through shampoo. 

After marrying Frankie and listening to his endless business out and around the house, you can pinpoint his moods with startling accuracy based on what exactly he is working on. If it’s your car or his, he’s worried about something, more precise than any mechanic you could ever afford. If he’s working on rebuilding the engine Benny asked him to check out, then he’s focused, in a good but distant mood (you always get nervous when he hoists five hundred pounds above him with a crank) and you know he needs that time in his head. However - for some reason you may ask him about one day or you might just accept it as one of those things as he is the way that he is - when Frankie’s pissed, he works on the roof. 

Maybe because he gets to beat the shit out of something, but when you come home and he’s up there pounding off some rotten shingles, you know he’s had a very bad day.

Which is what you find after you pull up in the driveway from the grocery store one afternoon. Somehow in the hour and half it took you to get eggnog, butter, and melting chocolate (Santi’s annual Christmas bash only a week away), something had really set your husband off. You’d never seen someone so angrily staple down Plastic Santa and his reindeer before. 

So, you’d gone inside without calling out to him, knowing it was better to simply let him be.

That was over an hour ago. 

That was also when the temperature was in the sixties. The sun long gone, the air rapidly cooling down and with an oncoming and sudden wind, you wonder if it will be you who knocks some sense into him, or the weather. 

As you take your freshly-made eggnog bread out of the oven, you hear the clatter of his metal ladder sliding close. You rush to wash off your heads and clean down the counter as the garage door cranks up, his tool box jingling when it’s returned to the shelf. You hear the back door open and you sprint into the laundry room. He might head directly for a shower, in which case, what you’re doing will be rather irrelevant, but you desperately want that first smile, that thing that’ll make him grin and let the tension loose from his shoulders. On your toes, you move back a few towels and ugly Christmas sweaters you bring out only once a year in search of what you’re looking for that you bring out once in a blue moon. You find it and grin. 

You didn’t miss your chance. Frankie, with his head tipped back on the couch, eyes closed, arms locked over each other, is pink. Pink in the cheeks from exertion. Pink on his nose, ears, and hands from the cold. A true Floridan at heart, his body apparently shut down when exposed to temperatures below what you’d experience in the Caribbean. Couldn’t even make it to the shower to warm up, poor thing.

As quietly as you can, you sneak over to him, unfurling what you have in your hands. The instant before you sit in his lap, you see the tiniest quirk of a smile pluck up his mouth.

You open the triple XL sweater in your hands over his head. It practically falls over his shoulders so, without much difficulty, you curl up under the sweater and join him in the darkness. 

The enclosed space brings his cold nose close to yours and you kiss him gently, right on that pink flush. You rub your hands over his forearms, his skin icy to the touch. You can feel the chill under that ridiculously thin red t-shirt and you shuffle closer, hoping your body heat trapped so close to his will warm him up. In the half-dark, the scent of sticky, masculine sweat permeates the little air you have, dampening the pine smell of the sweater that you never can manage to wash out. 

You wrinkle your nose. “You smell.” 

Silence. And then –

He chuckles. “I know. But you smell like cinnamon.” 

Since you first pulled you both under, he moves. He unlocks his arms and you curl even closer. God, he smells much worse when you tuck your head into his neck, the curls pressed against his skin damp, the pulse in his throat strong, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. With a silent, long inhale, Frankie puts his big palms on your thighs, then your hips, and on an exhale, he pulls you into his chest, the bristles of his graying beard warm and scratching against your forehead. His fingers sit like external ribs – heavy, strong, protecting your heart. 

“Is there a reason you put your granddad’s sweater over us?” He asks after a moment, his voice rich and sweet like caramel. The sweater had been enormous on your granddad when he was alive, but he could never find a reason to get rid of it. You spent many Christmases making cookies or putting up the ornaments on the tree while he wore it and when he died, it was one of the only things you took from his house. 

“You looked cold,” you murmur into his neck. He hums his agreement and you get your wish: beneath your chest, you feel the anger and tension and shitty day he’s had flush out of him with every breath. 

 Your fingers, squeezed between his chest and yours, dig into that damp t-shirt. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” 

Talking – never was Frankie’s strong suit, before and especially after he joined the military and learned to take everything on the chin. 

But, over the years and by carefully coming together over the landmines of the past, he started talking to you. And then he started talking to a therapist who specializes in PTSD. And then he started talking more and better and quite often with you. 

But it’s not easy. It doesn’t come naturally. He knows he’s safe, he knows you're safe, but there is an active choice made every time he opens his mouth. 

“My mom.” He says quietly. “She doesn’t understand why we aren’t flying up there for Christmas. And she doesn’t understand why I won’t let her pay for our plane tickets.” 

You squeeze your fingers, kiss his neck distractedly. Ever since you bought the house together, money’s been extraordinarily tight. You had suggested neither of you get gifts for each other this year, but Frankie wouldn’t hear of it. 

Frankie also loathes accepting money from anyone.

You inhale and Frankie does too, your minds silently on the same thing, the same anxious weight pulling you together in ways you couldn’t quite put into words. 

In your vows you talked about for better or worse. This is worse. 

Two years later, you redefine what partner means every single day with him. 

“I hope next year it’ll be different,” you say to his chin. You actually really like his mom, his family, and your stomach knots at the thought of them being disappointed in you. 

You’re starting to sweat beneath the sweater, up against the damp heat of your husband.

“It will.” Anger gone, he’s your sweet, committed Frankie again. The man that you put your faith and trust in time and time again, and would do it without question for the rest of your life. His palm rubs warm stripes up and down your back. “I know it will.” 

You sit in the darkness and the silence and the warmth of having a giant sweater tucked up around you and you listen to the beating of his heart. A sound you’ve found you can’t sleep without. 

“Thank you for checking on me.” 

He sounds so genuinely grateful your eyes flush hot for a moment. 

“Of course, baby.” You kiss his cheek, the wiry brush of his beard. “Always.”

He squeezes you extra tight when you make that promise. 

Always. 

Your heart beats, your eyes flutter shut. He breathes like he is at peace, with you wrapped up in his arms. 

Always. 

“I made an extra loaf,” you say after a long, content stretch of silence. You grin, even though he can’t see. 

“Yeah? The eggnog bread?”

“Mhm hmm. But you have to shower first.”

You giggle as Frankie pins your thighs to his hips as he swings onto his feet. The loose sweater finally falls over his head but you can barely fit through the head hole. 

“A shower it is, then.”

He walks on memory as you fight through the rolls of material. Finally and by some miracle, you get the sweater off you both as Frankie makes it into the bedroom. 

His hair is sticking up, sweat dried and statick-y, when he drops you onto the bed.

You didn’t know it is possible to carry the weight of the love you feel for Frankie and not burst into a million pieces.

You giggle as he pats down your own floating strands of hair and then tucks it behind your ears, his eyes finding yours. 

Beneath his gaze, you feel gigantic and small, shy and confident, terrified and pleased – all at once. You can’t possibly be the thing that fills his eyes with so much love.

“I love you,” he says, simply, obviously, so much and so little. 

“I love you too.” 

He tugs you to your feet and kisses you, a welcoming, familiar glide of his lips against yours. He keeps you close when he pulls back.

“I’ve had a very shitty day and you’re the only thing that makes it better. So, you’re going to take a shower with me and then we're going to watch any Christmas movie you want, okay, baby?” 

You swallow the tightness in your throat, the wetness in your eyes. His hands feel so big around your cheeks. 

There is quite literally nowhere else you’d rather be.

“Okay.”  

[queen0fm0nsterz]

I was thinking about the old LN1 character bios and remembered the line about the Twins being "born to be chefs". Assuming their not native to Nowhere, this would mean they had some violent tendencies before becoming residents, like it was their destiny.

This then made think about the end of tson ep 3 where Otto says the something like "Our world isn't the only world, let alone the predominant one".

All this made me realize that the worlds other than Nowhere may have been created by it (The Nowhere is implied to be sentient in it's own right) specifically to create concepts and injustices that could be used to warp and traumatize children, turning them into visitors and then into residents.

Thoughts?

Alright so this is a great question that I think leads to a much larger discussion about how the Nowhere operates. I would like to hear what other peeps think as well.

So, starting from the Chefs. Personally I always assumed that they are part of that group of characters who are from the Nowhere because of the way their description is worded (and also their baby pictures... this one is so cute lowkey...)

--- But following your train of thought: considering what we know of the Nowhere, it seems to amplify certain characteristics of a person, usually the bad ones. Two kids who are a bit propense to get into fights in the waking world may very well become blood thirsty maniacs in the Nowhere.

Interestingly, the modification of traits does not only apply to personality but also the body -- and usually, the physical changes are in relation back to said traits. For example, the Teacher - someone who is known to be controlling - can extend her neck infinitely to look everywhere and have the ability to blink removed to make sure she's always watching. The Doctor, a perfectionist with tons of authority, is always looking down on people while also growing enormous to match his ego. So on and so forth, you can follow this reasoning for a large number of the Residents we meet.

I think other timelines derivating from the Nowhere is definitely a possibility, as we don't know much of how the universes work there.

The general theory of a multiverse irl is that no timeline has any specific weight or importance over others; they are all parallel no matter how different, with no timeline being "the real one". This is if we view the Nowhere under the lens of it being a separate dimension. In TSON, the Nowhere is kind of implied to be sucking the people most vulnerable to it right in, so perhaps the idea Otto has of it the predominant world stems from the fact that he can't explain his fascination with it... or from a real, genuine desire to somehow "return" to the original land, if that's where the other timelines originated from.

HOWEVER, I would like to offer an alternative perspective on this --- based on what I found out during my research on the Ladies. Yup we're going there again

Rather than the characters themselves, this time I'm going to refer to a symbolism that is very prominent in their lore: Buddhism. More specifically the references to the six planes of existance, and how those can be tied back to Little Nights in a loose way. As stated in this site:

" The six realms of rebirth are a schema in which beings are reborn according to the kind of life they lived. [...] The animal realm, in which inhabitants are driven by basic needs, is one of the three “lower” realms. The other two are the hell realm, a place of constant suffering and torment, and the realm of the hungry ghosts, grasping beings who are never satisfied. The three “higher” realms are the human realm [...] the demigod realm [...] and the god realm, where beings enjoy a life of pleasure. It’s important to note that some Buddhists view the realms as literally real, while others interpret them psychologically as metaphors for the emotional states of the human condition. "

(Click on the link to read the whole thing; I only highlighted the parts I think are relevant to this conversation :] )

What I believe specifically relates back to the Nowhere are the three lower realms, from which the place itself may be loosely inspired by because of how its inhabitants are described.

All of these are things we see in Little Nights from various Residents, depending on the social class and place. It is important to note that while these realms are placed in different hierarchies due to quality of life, they all cohexist together without necessarily being more important than each other as they all have the same purpose in the end.

If the worlds of Little Nights operate in a similar way, then what we're looking at is not really a case of dimension hopping, but rather a passage from a plane of existance to the next. A forced one at that, at least in the case of Noone.

Now, considering Otto's assumption, the idea of the Nowhere being a predominant realm only popped up because he was trying to wrap his head around it and how Noone felt, but to tell you the truth, it is a rather baseless assumption considering he's never been there and is only experiencing it in a very limited way. However... considering how many children from different places in time and space have experienced the Nowhere, sometimes even simultaneously, I wouldn't say that it's completely wrong to assume that the place might be the "original plane of existance".

Now. Reflecting on what you said at the very end, I would like to ask a question back: do you think the Nowhere is, hypothetically, only capable of bringing out the worst in people inherently? Or is it only acting this way because humanity itself is more easily conditioned to fall victim to their bad traits?

I've been recently thinking about it because of the Maw. The writer of Little Nightmares, Mr. Mervik, has stated multiple times over the years that the place has not always been the way that it is; at the same time, he also said that it was not man made, but rather created by collective hunger/desire to be fed. These two things don't make sense together unless you assume the Maw was not originally born for the Guests and the whole cannibal business, but rather from a desire of shelter. A need to be fed. Which is not inherently a bad thing -- and it would explain why the structure itself is so largely built to house so many people, and why children still feel relatively safe in it to this day.

So I find myself thinking that perhaps, the Maw degenerated overtime because the people inside of it (cough its leaders cough) did. And if this is the case for the Maw, who's to say it's not the same for other places? The Nest, for example? The School, the Hospital... etc. But. It is also true that the creatures who inhabit the Nowhere (the Ferryman, the North Wind, the Flesh...) all seem to have their own interests and destructive amusement more at heart than anything. If these creatures are what move the large of the Nowhere (which I guess they are considering the eye symbol is all over the goddman place), then the human will can't really do much.

That being said, I am wondering currently if it could be possible for the Nowhere to bring out something good from a person in the right situation. At the same time, the hopes are incredibly slim. Nonexistent, actually, but it's nice to think about hypothetics.

[thedragonemperess]

TELL ME ABT UR DESCENDANTS OCS NOW DJSKSJJSKSJS

ALRIGHT SO THERE'S A LONG LIST BUT THEY'RE NOT ALL FULLY DEVELOPED YET

(The cut-off name there is 'Mammon.')

In order, we've got:

The child of the Snow Queen (based largely on Lev Atamanov's 1957 film. I am well-aware of the fact that this isn't Disney but neither is Morgana so like I can do whatever the hell I want). He/They

The daughter of Tinker Bell. She/Her

The son of Scar. He/She/They/It

The granddaughter of Madam Mim (and sister of Mad Maddy!). She/Her

The child of Oogie Boogie. He/She

The daughter of Kristoff and Anna. She/Her

The son of Anna and Kristoff. He/Him

The son of Hans. He/Him

The son of Turbo/King Candy. It/Its

Soren is my main and most developed OC. I love the idea that disgraced and ex-royals and nobility have their own little social circle on the Isle, and Soren tends to float around that. He is the Snow Prince, after all. However, he also frequents the pirates and acts as a sort-of spy for Uma. Has a complicated, blurred relationship with Gil but they sort themselves out post-D3. Their whole inner complex is pretty run-of-the-mill for the Descendants characters: What they want to be for their parent is entirely against what they want for themselves. Their mother, before resorting to essentially total neglect, wanted them to be just like her: Cold and emotionless. But without access to her magic, that was a pretty hard feat and essentially didn't work. They then internalize the idea that, in order to gain their mother's praise, they just need to do better at being immune to all emotions and emotional ties. If my previous comment about Gil doesn't say enough, then let me be perfectly clear in saying that it doesn't work. He feels more connected and at home with the pirates than anywhere else, even after he gets into Auradon, and it continues to fuck with their sense of identity until post-D2.

(With Soren being my main, first, and most developed Descendants OC, he's the one I ended up forcing into the movies. If I ever end up writing a fic for him, like, all of D2 is gonna end up different XD)

Tamara is someone I came up with for my own AU of the fic Regime Change by Link_Heights (I love that fic so much holy shit I HIGHLY recommend it), but have since turned them into a background friend for Jane and Lonnie. I keep going back-and-forth on making her a fast flying fairy because I thought it'd be really funny if she was the same fairy type as Vidia and a fauna fairy because that's the type of fairy the IRL I loosely based her off of says she would want to be. I'm leaning towards fast flying, though, because I love the idea of her doing track and having to train herself not to use her wings while running. It also creates an interesting clash between Auradon tradition and Pixie Hollow tradition - in Auradon, people tend to dress according to their family's colors, but in Pixie Hollow, they dress according to the colors of the type of fairy they are. A love-interest for Harry within the AU, but definitely not a peromanent one since she was really just using him to rebel against her mom.

(Don't ask me how Tinker Bell has a kid when I'm going by Tinker Bel movies canon. It's Descendants, half of the characters' parents should be dead and none of the time periods of the original stories match up despite all of the technology being modern. Nothing makes sense, anyway. Once again, I can do whatever the hell I want.)

Sika, Mimi, and Oscar are all the main (and only) musicians on the Isle. If I had to base their personalities on any musicians, I honestly wouldn't have a comparison for Sika but he is very chillaxed and laid back, Mimi would be Avril Lavigne, and Oscar would Will Wood. They all dabble in different types of music, but Sika mains alternative and hard rock, Mimi mains pop-punk and pop, and Oscar mains jazz fusion and folk punk. Sika doesn't have very high goals and is content to live out the rest of his life on the Isle. As long as he can play music, he tells himself he's fine. In reality, he's definitely really depressed, but that's a conversation for when he leaves the Isle. He doesn't have a stage name. Mimi wants to tour the world one day, and is essentially the family disappointment for it. She wants nothing to do with witch craft and her grades in school (she goes to the witch school on the isle) reflect that. This affects her more than she lets on. Her stage name is Mammon. Oscar has a wonderful relationship with his father(s)* and all he really wants to do is live in a world where he's not constantly ridiculed or made into an easy target by other kids on the Isle. As much as he loves music, it's not something he can see himself doing forever and really just wants to see Halloween Town where he knows, deep down, he truly belongs. He'd also love to join - not take over, join - his father on Boogie Man business when he gets older! His stage name is OzRock.

*See: The other ask I got about my OCs (that I tagged you in!).

I got like nothing on Kira and Adrien 😭 I swear to God it's not because they're AKs, I just really don't have anything to go on with them. I feel like they'd be very basic characters, overall! Adrien is being raised to claim the throne, since he's a year older, but neither he nor Kira really want that responsibility. They both idolize Jane Porter and Milo Thatch (and, although this is something neither of them would ever dare to say out loud, Captain Hook), as they would love to explore the different corners of the world. Adrien wants to do so in the name of science, while Kira wants to do so in the name of fun. Personality-wise, though, Kira takes more after both Anna and Kristoff, while Adrien takes more after his aunt Elsa. Like I said, they're very basic.

Hansen is literally just A Guy. He also tends to frequent the royal/noble circles on the Isle and is quite literally the only person to consistently break through Soren's 'I Must Be Like My Mother' complex. He dated Evie for a hot second there but he's very gay and very down bad for Anthony Tremaine so it didn't last long. He tends to blend into the crowd on the Isle, and he is perfectly fine with that. Unlike most kids on the Isle, he is very vocal about wanting to be nothing like his father, but he means that in more ways than one. While, yes, he doesn't want to be a villain, he also doesn't want to carry the title and pressure of being royalty. He literally just wants to be A Guy. His dream is to open a bar or bakery or pottery or any other small shop where he can live a relaxed, content life. (Of course, in the case of Anthony, since he knows how dead-set Anthony is on carrying on his family's legacy, Hansen also wouldn't mind being a house-husband).

Tobias is arguably even less thought-out than Kira and Adrien because at least I have a basic foundation for them set in stone. Tobias is essentially all up in the air. I'd like to imagine that King Candy has a candy store on the Isle but also uses it as a cover-up for like. Making and selling drugs. He's a pretty decent father, and likes to make sure Toby is always okay and included in his work (for better or for worse) and is doing well and school and he's okay overall. However, he's told Toby stories of his glory days since it was young, and that has definitely had an impact on it. Toby is a fantastic mechanic and has gotten itself out of a good amount of trouble due to promising to figure out generators or small vehicles for people on the Isle. (It has also, somehow, ended up on Cruella de Vil's good side due to its ability to maintain her car, which is a nice bonus to his minimal reputation.) Toby's dream, though, is to be an even better racer than its father, Vanellope von Schweetz, or any of the Sugar Rush racers. It understands where its father went wrong, but is still mad at his enemies for never giving him a second chance. Couldn't they have just saw that he was hurting? Well, being on the Isle has given it a life-time of hurting, so when it finally gets off the Isle, it's gonna show everybody what that can lead to. Also, uh, slight side-note, it and Soren are twins. I just thought it would be really funny if those two had kids together because of royalty reasons and then got really attached to the concept after thinking about how that would impact Tobias and Soren's relationship.

(Once again, don't ask me how Wreck-It Ralph is canon. See: My previous two defenses.)

I'm sorry that this took so long for me to get to! I'm also gonna answer an ask that @angelwiththeblue-box sent me about these guys with some other miscellaneous stuff that's probably just gonna end up being me rambling a bunch about whatever train of thought I latch onto first. Thank you so, so, so, so, SO much for the ask!! :DDD

[eternclsunshine]

RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING PROMPTS OOC , THEN TAG OTHERS YOU WANT TO GET TO KNOW BETTER.

tagged by: @heirloomeds ( thaaaanks <3 the leo sun in me loves to talk about myself lmao) tagging: @gccdwitch / @everseens / @testdrves / & whoever else wants to, just say I tagged you

roleplayer name: chel <3 not even the slightest bit close to my real name, it's derived from my old online alias 'shell' which was given to me from some long time internet friends. I shortened it to chel cause it's unique for the rpc and my fiance compares me to chel from el dorado lol

roleplayer pronouns: don't talk about me 👀 jk, she/her

preferred communication: tags of a thread or reblog, mostly ims for more longer/detailed things like personal ship headcanons or plotting.

experience: don't tell on me but I somehow stumbled upon tumblr when I was 12 or 13 and found some cool Monster High roleplay blogs and just made a tumblr account?? lol it was very random. I eventually got into roleplaying canon characters, then eventually other ocs from different fandoms. Somehow all that randomness led me here, even with all my on and off years.

preferred roleplay type: para and novella. one-liners are a cute starting point, but I like to really develop my muse and the ship throughout the whole thread. Love to hear the muses' internal thoughts and personalities come through - especially in the context of a situation. One-note and one-dimensional things dim my inspiration.

pet peeves & dealbreakers: when it's obvious someone hasn't read my rules or anything about the muse they're replying to. Or when they try to initiate something that wouldn't make sense for my muse (ex. Why would any of my successful muses in their mid 30's be in a relationship with a random person in their early 20's who's a retail worker or something??). Or trying to ship characters solely based on them being the same race/ethnicity, instead of considering their backgrounds and if their personalities would actually have chemistry.

plots or memes: memes for fun, one-off writings or headcanons <3 love em. plots are great for a loose idea / starting point

best time to write: who even knows honestly lol, just when the inspiration strikes? sometimes it's in the morning/afternoon on my days off, sometimes at night if a glass of wine or hit from my weed pen gives me creative inspo (then I edit later lol)

are you like your muse?: not really. some will have little pieces or traits of myself in them, or people I've known irl, or some very loose references to characters in tv/movies/books that I enjoy. I prefer characters who are different from each other and myself, different verses and lifestyles and scenarios I'd never live through - cause that's more fun and pushes me outside of my comfort zone. I get to be me every single day of my life all day, so the idea of a self-insert is honestly boring to me

[wormdebut]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged by @thefreakandthehair and @wynnyfryd You’re both so hot and cool and talented it’s unreal.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Fifteen

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

88,773

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things

The only other fandom I’ve ever considered writing for is Good Omens, but I’m so obsessed with Steddie I don’t know if I can peel myself away.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Cut It Loose, Watch You Work The Room

2. I Like Playing Dumb Until You Figure Me Out

3. Tell Eddie He Looks Sexy With His Hair Pushed Back

4. All You Have Is Your Fire

5. Comb The Crowd, Pick You Out

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Abso-fucking-lutely I Do. Why? Because I am in shock and awe that anyone anywhere appreciated the goofy thing I wrote so much that they commented to tell me that. Thank you thank you thank you for commenting on fics. It means everything.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I’m incapable of not writing a happy ending. Happy Ending are GUARANTEED IN THIS HOME. However, Wynn noted I did write a bonus microfic that was posted to Tumblr only that was angsty. Fun fact: it was based off a very un-angsty IRL experience with Wynnyfryd herself.

‘If They Won’t Call You Wynny Baby, I Will.’

Anyway, read Drunk Words—Sober Thoughts if you wanna.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of…All of them I—yall you know my Steddies are so fucking in love with each other it’s stupid.

But Comb The Crowd, Pick You Out is especially cheese.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, and I’m blessed for that, but even if I did…all my buddies know how truly dedicated I am to the fact that We are responsible for our own online experience. Don’t let goofy goobers who have nothing better to do than put you down, get to you. If yall ever get hate and need someone to tell you you’re fucking worth it—cmere.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Me? Write Smut? Oh my god I could never—

Yall what haven’t I written, be so fucking for real.

Requests? Drop ‘Em in my Ask Box.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nooo. I do not. Obviously I have a mess of a good omens X steddie AU rattling around in my brain, but it will never come to fruition

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, but where I largely write Rockstar dom daddy Eddie it’s very easy to see different variations of similar plot lines. Alas, Two Cakes

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No! But I would cry if one ever was.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No! My writing style is so chaotic I think anyone I wrote with would be shook and terrified. HOWEVER, I may have something coming with @steddieas-shegoes real fuckin’ soon.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Steddie. My angels. The loves of my life.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh god. The first thing I ever started writing for Steddie was a Rockstar AU. Shocked looks from the lived audience. Where Steve and Robin moved to Chicago and Eddie covers Head Like a Hole by Nine Inch Nails. Fuckin’ Woof. May it rest in slutty slutty pieces.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Writing seventy two miles of really spicy foreplay…and dialogue 😂

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Some authors are so fucking incredible with imagery and beautiful descriptions of scenes and I just don’t think I’m one of them, but I would like to be one day.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I can barely speak English so I would never write a fic where Eddie speaks French when he fucks…

Anyway stream Tell Eddie He Looks Sexy

19. First fandom you wrote for?

That I published? Stranger Things.

That’s buried in the back of my closet, handwritten in a notebook? The Backstreet Boys.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Kiss Your Knuckles (Before You Punch Me In The Face) It is everything to me.

Well that was fuckin’ fun as heck. Tagging with absolutely zero pressure a couple buddies 🖤

@messessentialist @steddieas-shegoes @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @aidaronan @sourw0lfs @t-boyeddie @scarcrossdlvrs @runninriot @cuips-not-cute @onirislanding @thisapplepielife

[collectivecloseness]

Actually yk what, I just googled some stuff, so spree isn't a 100% copy of what happened but just loosely based on a dude, bc I was confused on how you would do a prequel to the movie bc you'd have to go strictly after what he says in the videos bc you can't just ask a Dead dude what he did before that(also the guy is in fact not dead, he's in prison) but yeah anyways they could actually go nuts with what happened before the spree but that would probably not be a good idea, like you can't just go and make a movie about a guy going on a killing spree(which is based on someone irl) and then see that people loved it and do another one of him just being silly(like the side eyes they'd get, especially from the people on twitter, like they'd get pulverised)

Anyways, sorry if I came of as rude in the last ask, I don't really know how but ywah anyways I just sound like that i guess, but it really was just like a question I guess?

Also, I'm highly scared now that I sounded rude again bc I really didn't mean to be and it eating me alive rn

Yeah Spree is based on a bunch of different stuff, and of course original content, but they’d never base it on just one actual murderer and case, and then make a fun film about it, no one would want that.

Like I was seeing multiple parallels to things when I first watched, and I even saw something literally two days ago where the comments were like oh I wonder if this partly inspired Spree (nothing murder related though). It’s just like any piece of media that’s trying to say something, it’ll be based on a lot of past things including tragedies. Like part of the films message is hey fame and parasocial relationships aren’t everything, and people can lose their humanity chasing clout, and don’t be a fame hungry loser like this guy who’s going on a suicide mission and to hurt a bunch of people only to still crave the people calling him slurs and derogatory things because they’re still numbers. He is a loser. Don’t be him y’all. Anything with a societal message will have even light bases from actual tragedies. Like there’s no telling a story saying ‘hey society’s fucked up rn’ without society having been fucked up in that way in the past. With so many examples it’s not at all hard to pinpoint exactly who Kurt is as a character straight away, and what the films message is.

There’s a bunch of things you could do for a prequel. Kurt Kunkle isn’t based on anyone specifically. He’s his own character. If you wanted to do a prequel about him being an awkward loser and trying to get famous, showing his life and how he got to the point he was in Spree, maybe including a killing or two in his backstory, or showing some of his dark side coming out before his planned spree killing, expanding his character, and showing how he inevitably got to the point of being a monster and dead, you could easily do something like that. I think any plot most people would be happy with, because a lot of fans would just love to see Joe Keery reprise his role as Kurt Kunkle again no matter what. You could literally throw Joe Keery into a room and tell him to do Kurt and it would be a masterpiece, because he’s so good at the character, and a lot of it is his own, and people love the film for that.

You’re supposed to like Kurt. Not agree with what he’s doing, but even a little, especially before the end where he’s become/revealed to be more dark and monstrous and consumed by his need for fame, you are meant to like his character. Which is why they start off with him killing a white supremacist as well, but not before he tells him off. That’s why they got Joe Keery, who’s very well liked, to play him, and why he’s such a magnetic and good character, and why he’s the protagonist of the film. Like almost everything is from his POV, he’s narrating to the audience, you get his backstory (inc in a draw my life), you’re supposed to be rooting for him and also the victims bc he’s like an anti-hero/villain protag, and that’s how those characters work.

Also, the film is a fun film, it’s a popcorn film, you’re supposed to enjoy it, and at least somewhat like the main character who the film pretty much entirely relies on to be a good film, considering how the protag is the focus of pretty much every single scene, and there’s few recurring characters/ones with substance apart from him. Not enjoy his actions, but him as a character, not necessarily a person. There’s a massive difference between a character and a person. But give the person enough traits likeable to an audience as well, because you need that for a protag. Of course you like Kurt a bit. I mean irl you don’t agree with all his crimes you commit, but you might think of him as your silly and skrunkly blorbo that you want to look at fics about to experience more of his character.

Films are supposed to be enjoyed. And again, it’s not based on just one real life murderer. If people enjoy your film so much they wanted a sequel that is not a bad thing. It’s a fun film, with a fun protag, and the first one wouldn’t have been made if it was solely based on one real life event only, and wouldn’t have been made in a more lighthearted way. So a sequel would be no different. If it had been making light of just one real life murderer as it’s only source material, people would already be in uproar on the first film, never mind a conceptualised sequel, but it’s not.

That’s okay, thank you, I’m glad there was no hard feelings or anything. I just haven’t gotten hate on this account yet so we’re not about to start lmao. I’m glad there was no ill intent, so don’t worry about it kay? No harm done :) I promise I’m actually nice and you don’t need to be afraid to ask questions haha, I was just worried there was some passive aggressiveness there, but I’m glad it’s all been cleared up, we’re good dw <3

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

I think another thing is that people get REALLY defensive when it comes to oppression and issues other groups face. Specifically if that group says anything that someone can interpret as 'its worse than what you face' or 'I am blaming you as an individual, not our society.' Even if its supposed to just mean 'its different that what you face.' So when they see TME is super easy to see it as an out group and get mad because there is overlay in what transwoman and other groups face. Intersectionality has a LOT of overlap. A ton actually. But the experiences of trans woman are still unique, just like how the experiences of a black cis woman are unique. Even if you can try comparisons and relate to certain parts of their experiences.

I've really only seen the terms used in relationship to trans women and their issues. And as someone who is not a trans woman, I stayed outta it. I never thought I was a trans woman, nor can I confidently say I perfectly understand their struggles. I can confidently say I understand trans people and cis woman struggles as a broad subject as a trans man, and even asexuality to a certain extent since I was in that community for 10 years. I feel confident on the bi vs pan debate too since I've discussed it so often with people irl.

But I don't mind admitting my knowledge of trans women is more limited when it comes to these more specific struggles. Despite knowing many trans women (like my cousin and sister), most of the ones I know irl are very new to the community. Like, seeing me as a trans man helped them be more comfortable coming out. And we have talked, but most of my information from trans women who have been in the community and out in society for a long time are all online women be it ones I watch their content or I interact with on here. I can't confidently say that the terms TMA/TME are good or bad. I don't feel comfortable with making an opinion on that as of now.

But I do get why they were made. I def have seen how trans women are affected differently than me not only in average life, but also on lgbt safe places. Like, christ its actually so real how trans women are seen as the face of the trans community, and often the lgbt community, while also being demonized by society as a whole. Thats gonna be such a unique struggle I wont get. I'm also demonized sure, but its not at the same compasity and I get that. And I think its important to address both, but you can't address both without understanding the difference in extent of how we're all treated.

Not all that sure where I'm going with all this. But basically, my opinions on TMA/TME are very loose cuz I dont have as much understanding within the trans women community and I can't confidently make an opinion. The above post is based on surface level understanding. And as a discourse blog, this is the first time I've really been asked about these terms, so my research on them are very new.

oh like, the argument for tme right now is that it doesnt actually specify any genital situation because it encompasses every group that isnt trans women & i was wondering what you thought about it? i think anything that specifices an out group for transfems is going to imply something about at least the d?ab of trans women but probably because so does their oppression, but idk if i like tme for it or not. and i like your takes on defuckering the cuils of mogai we're on atm

I think its one of those "its good to have words to describe your experiences," and "not every description needs to be its own thing" sorta situations.

I absolutely get wanting to express the unique intersectionality that comes with different identities coming into play. But like... transmisogyny is already a word, and you can just say that. Its a lot easier to understand than just another of thousands of acronyms that are becoming increasingly harder to remember all the meanings of. So I guess I'm less opposed to the term TMA, and more so confused why transmisogyny isn't already encompasssive enough.

As for TME, I think as a lot of people have said, it just feels like an unnecessary term. In terms of your example, yeah it wouldn't necessarily say anything about whats in someone's pants. But its also just a confusing term. Like absolutely there is a reason to have the term 'racism.' But it'd be weird to have a term that means 'racism excempt but meaning anyone who isn't specifically black.' Cuz it leaves out other groups that do in fact experience racism. The thing about intersectionality is that there are so many different combinations that creating an 'excempt' group never works. There's too much gray area to really do it.

Talking about a specific group and their unique intersectionality is absolutely do-able and important. And I'm all for more people talking about the transmisogyny that trans woman specifically experience. But creating this weird seperate 'not' group feels like we're putting too much effort into the wrong area when we could focus on the voices of people who have been subject to all this phobia bs and helping them.

[dreamedofyou]

Porsche & Smoking

I've been thinking about Porsche and his smoking habits ever since we saw him say he wanted to quit smoking in ep 8. I can't help but shake the feeling that it's one of those details to help us understand him better and showcase his character development (because why else would they have included that line, right?).

Putting it under a cut just in case some people feel like it's clogging up the tag/their dash.

The first time we see Porsche smoke is after he's had sex with a bar customer and I thought nothing of it at the time, apart from seeing it as just one of his habits (it was the first episode, so both of the main characters were still getting established, meaning it's not unusual for directors/writers to include a scene of someone smoking for no other purpose than to establish someone is a smoker).

However, the more episodes I'd seen, the more it seemed to me that there was a pattern emerging. Namely, that we see Porsche smoke after a stressful situation or whenever he's in emotional turmoil a lot. For example, this is the case in episode 2 after the apple shooting incident.

The first thing he does after the adrenaline wears off and his fear catches up to him is grab a smoke, which is very telling. It shows the audience that Porsche alleviates stress through smoking. Cigarettes help him calm down (which is not uncommon among smokers, at least those I know irl) and take some of that edge off. In other words, he needs a smoke to cope.

From this point on, the idea is reinforced in several of the scenes in which Porsche smokes. That time when he can't bear watching Pete and Ken beat up the man disloyal to Kinn's family in ep 3? The first thing he does after Pete takes him outside is indulge in a cigarette, and based on his expression and the way he takes that drag you can just tell he felt relief, like he couldn't wait to do it in order to ease his mind.

The bathroom breakdown in ep 5? Which is arguably the scene in which he's hit his lowest point so far, mentally speaking? He smokes.

Actually, throughout the entirety of episode 5 Porsche only ever grabs a cigarette when he gets emotionally overwhelmed in some way. He's clearly struggling during the scene where he tries to hook up with a random bar customer again. He isn't in the mood to do that when Yok points him in the woman's direction but he goes for it anyway. He tries so hard to convince himself that he can go back to doing what he's always done, that Kinn having sex with him hasn't affected him in the way it has. So when he fails, when he can't "perform" like he's done countless times before and the woman walks away, which leaves him with nothing but his distraught emotions, he immediately turns to smoking again.

(I love this image so much because it really shows the turmoil he's feeling in this moment.)

Now, all of that isn't to say he only ever smokes whenever he's stressed, because there are times when he goes for a casual smoke, but such is the nature of smokers. Sometimes they'll smoke just because they need/want a cigarette. Even during a few of those scenes, however, there's an underlying presence of stress or unease in his life.

(This is him smoking just before the confrontation with Macau in ep 2. Remember, Porsche has had a really rough time throughout the episode getting used to a completely new world and messing up a lot. So he was definitely going through it mentally.)

(The party in episode 7 was right after quite possibly the most dangerous mission Porsche has been a part of since working for the Theerapanyakul family, so letting loose with the help of cigarettes and alcohol after coming back from such a high-stakes situation feels natural.)

Anyways, I'd like to come back to the scene I mentioned in my very first sentence – the one that prompted me to start thinking about Porsche's relationship with smoking in the first place and write this whole thing.

The implications of him thinking about quitting are, imo, huge, because quitting cigarettes also means throwing away one of his coping methods, the thing that grounds him when he feels too on edge. So maybe, just maybe that's because he's starting to feel like he doesn't need to cope anymore. Whether that's because he doesn't feel as stressed/anxious anymore (he's been really happy and full of joy during ep 8 prior to the scene above) or because he's found something (or someone) that helps calm him down instead, it's all due to his relationship with Kinn.

(What does he do when he's deathly afraid of being haunted by Tawan's ghost? Smoke to calm down? Or call Kinn?)

The fact that he wants to quit smoking for the first time ever (as far as we've seen) indicates that he feels happier, calmer and in a much better mental state in general.

Too bad we all know it won't last. 🙃

[artificialstrontium]

dsmp finale spoilers, discussion of abuse

Ok so this rambling might be a tad unorganized but here’s my thoughts: The ending has been worked on for a long while now, so it’s not to say that it’s rushed. But seeing other’s reactions, it didn’t come across or land right, a miscommunication on the writer’s end (as I know people have been very vocal about making sure Tommy knows what a character like this means). 

That was a tragic ending. I know cc Tommy said he wanted his character to have a soft ending, and surface level it is that (having a do-over without pain is a wonderful thought, no?), but i can see why people are upset over a victim coming to an understanding and even unknowingly starting a friendship with his abuser, as well as spending his last moments believing he was just as in the wrong as his actual fuckin abuser. These topics deserve respect when handling on account of everyone whose reality is like c!Tommy’s. And there’s no way Tommy messing around at the start is equivalent to the pain inflicted on him by c!Dream ( & c!Dream planting evidence against c!Tommy before the house burning?helloo??). I’ve seen people say maybe what Tommy was going for was leaving his character’s character good and intact, like a superhero movie, or others pointing out that understanding isn’t necessarily forgiveness. Unfortunately, superhero movies don’t always equate perfectly to real life, people don’t always get the choice to do that or take the morally high road, whatever that is. 

Also from Tubbo’s POV, that’s not a fun ending! He tried so hard and failed to reach his friend in time, and all he could do was wait for the inevitable (not that c!Tubbo was ever guaranteed a good ending). Not to mention there’s loose ends everywhere. (can be taken into account IRL reasons for those loose ends, such as cc’s getting back to their normal lives after quarantine and that stall)

It can be said that stories can have tragic endings, some stories are made to make the reader uncomfortable so they check their understanding of the world (still, fuck Brave New World, me an my homies hate Brave New World). Some stories have a terrible or tragic ending of a season, have a hiatus, and roll right into a new one, which is where some cc’s are probably thinking in terms of lore (off the top my head, SPN season 5 bc it genuinely was supposed to end there and some of the middle seasons of GOT). But I think to the cc’s themselves, it’s also worth pointing out having too much of one thing (c!Tommy being a victim of abuse and never really getting a lasting win, unresolved things with other characters now that we know what happens to the DSMP) is draining to a lot of people in this audience, and that many people have been hoping for a good place to leave off before hopping to other fandoms. 

It can also be said the DSMP was never guaranteed a good ending, writing-wise or feelings-wise (I'll argue there’s a difference), taking in the fact it started out not as a story-based thing.

I’m generally a positive person, so what I’m choosing to do is stick around, wait for that alt stream because cc Tommy said earlier he’d chat about c!Dream being a fucking nightmare of a person. I’ll see what they do for volume two (because it can’t be all if “the dsmp will return” and “This is not the end...” is to be believed), if it’s a complete memory wipe situation or if they slowly regain memories (I can’t be sure, but c!Tubbo calling c!Tommy cheese-haired makes me have hope someone remembers or they’ll do something with that). (For the sake of transparency I will also say that honestly a lot of this writing piece is me making sense of that ending and trying to distract that it made me feel a bit ill).

I’m sorry to the people who were sticking around for just this ending before leaving, I’m sorry you are going on such a bitter note, and I’m genuinely sad for the people whose pain is renewed with an ending like that. 

The DSMP means a lot to me, as someone who’s been watching since before it was a month old. I’ve seen people say this, so I’ll say it here too, but these characters, their stories, also belong to us, the fans. The writers can write whatever ending they want, but in the end, if what you want to take away from a story is just the characters and their middle journey, and continue creating because you loved that part only, all the power to you! If any of that makes sense, lol. 

[therealvinelle]

The last week or so I've actually been writing stuff down in the hopes a good main plot comes to me while I work out some of the characters and interactions, and that's more than I normally do, so I'm feeling hopeful about me actually continuing with it. And tonight I was sitting here writing out how a couple characters meet, even though probably none of it will make it in the story itself it might be referenced later, and I need the practice so something offscreen anyway seemed good for that. (Sorry, I'm rambling aren't I? I do that, especially when I'm excited, and I'm really excited to be writing something and since I have no one to talk to about it isn't all coming out here lol, I'll try and hurry to my point.) Anyway, I'm definitely trying to loosely base how the characters treat everyday life as how I see people do in life, like if I know anyone that would actually say or do something or react a way, and if not question of it's because it's badly written/thought out or just the character not being anyone I know irl, and one thing I've definitely realized is everyone has their preferred way of messaging, and then most people I know will still have another 1 or 2 they use a lot too and maybe more depending on the person. I myself have some people I can message 3 diffrent ways, and will occasionally have up to 4 diffrent conversations all going on with 1 person at once because they're all in diffrent places. And so, finally the point of my question: first, I guess would you even bother trying to write characters using messaging like that, not to that crazy extent or anything but even just using regular text messages to have a conversation about one thing, then some other app to talk to them about something totally diffrent, and have them clearly being had concurrently, and then if you would how do you think you would go about keeping the conversations clear to the reader? Second (I actually thought of it last though) is if you have anything you do that keeps you motivated to keep going once the initial woo of starting a project wears off, or anything like that from when you were starting, I would love to soak up any wisdom you have to share. And uh third is I guess how does it make you feel that when I was trying to think of a nice and safe seeming place to ask my writing questions I thought to come here first? Sorry this got way longer than I meant lol 😅

Okay, I'll answer this to the best of my ability (to answer the third question first: I'm delighted! I feel very honored.)

So, before I get to answering your first question, I feel I should say that the most important part of writing is to have fun. Sure, sometimes you'll hit a slow part of the story and it'll take a bit of discipline to get through it, but overall writing should spark joy.

I'll also say that while I have my writing tricks, those are tricks that work for me and they won't necessarily work for others. My advice is just that, advice that works for me and suits my tastes, and in no way the "correct" way of going about writing because there is no such way.

So! To answer your first question in several parts, as it's a multifaceted question:

Writing characters who text

I'm a plot oriented kind of gal, that is to say, I want everything in my story to serve the story in some way. So, my advice here is that if the characters texting serves the story, then go for it.

In this vein, realism is good but it should go hand in hand with what's actually necessary (and this is where the above advice, do whatever you want, comes in). We can learn a lot about the characters, their relationships, and their lives from how they text and what they text about.

Character A never replies to the group chat unless someone @ them, but if it's character B texting them they open it instantly. Character C is never on Messenger because they loathe Facebook, but they're always on Discord.

Little things like that will tell the readers a lot about your characters, and you can use the texting to sprinkle in plot events, and heighten intrigue. Character A never hears about a hugely important thing that happened in character B's life, they've been texting all weekend and character B chose to never bring it up.

So, yes, texting can absolutely aid the story, but how it aids it will depend on the kind of story you're telling. Some stories don't have room for it, others will lean on it. (I can recommend the Norwegian TV show SKAM for how texting is incorporated into storytelling. I know there was an American remake, as well as an Italian and a French one, but I don't know if the American one is any good.)

It sounds like you have a lot of texting for texting's own sake, and if so then in your place I'd cut it down a bit. But, you can use it to establish a lot in your story so by all means, if you want it in your story then use it for all it's worth.

How to go about keeping texting conversations clear to the reader

I'd say you should treat it like a dialogue. Keep the text in italics, maybe, but have the characters interact with the texts the way they would spoken line. Character A picks up his phone, stares at the speech bubbles wondering what his friend is thinking and if he should reply right away or pretend he's a little busy so he waits a minute before texting back, and he thinks about what to text back before texting it and then immediately regretting his use of "ROFL".

If you just write a wall of text that goes:

username: this is a text!

username2: this is another text!

username3: @ username2 this is a third text!

Then that is a style choice that could work out, I personally don't like it but there are people who appreciate it. But, again, depends on the kind of story.

I hope this answers your first question?

How to stay motivated

To me, the answer is discipline and locating the source of the problem.

I'm currently regretting the choice to have Aro narrate my new fic Arrested Eternity so much, you have no idea, and the second chapter has been through several drafts. I'm not giving up on it, though, and the problem isn't that I don't want to write the fic, but that I'm not sure how to go about writing a story with an in-universe narrator. If I want to get anywhere, I'll have to figure that out, simply staring at a blank document until I write won't help me.

If I do know what I want to be writing, and I'm just being a miserable twat about it, (the later chapters of Nebuchadnezzar's Dream were drags) then... be a miserable twat about it, but get it done. Only way out is sometimes through.

Hope this is all helpful! Good luck with your story.

[stardust9905]

I got a lot of support for this ^^^, and i really appreciate it!! It means the world to me !!

It's really nice to read back over all the notes for this when i'm still feeling down about the lack of situation ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹.

Life's got me thinking about it again because i'm seeing their username pop up a lot lately (based on others tagging them or reblogging their stuff); and the names of my (now former) irl friends pop up in conversations with any of the friends who stuck by me thus far; and it's just-... i don't know how to feel anymore.

Like of course it's okay for people to still be friends with the tumblr blogger (posssibly former mutual?) who blocked me; and ofc it's okay for people to still be friends with the ones irl friends who cut me off (i guess); because i am NOT wanting or trying to isolate either of them online or irl from anyone else.

At the moment, i'm just trying to ignore the pangs of hurt and honestly wasn't even sure if i was going to bother saying this .. feel free to ignore. i just need to vent, i guess .. like it's nothing/not a big deal, but it still feels like something anyways? It shouldn't hurt so much to realize i was blocked off by someone online and by (who i thought were true) friends irl and realize that i have mutuals who are friends with this person (and for the irl seperate situation i have friends who stuck by me but are also close to those who have either cut me off or "drifted away"...) ... it's just such an awkward feeling i guess?

I feel like by saying this i'm gonna make people curious and it's starting drama ... which by no means do i want any drama at all. I hate drama and fighting of any kind. That's the last thing i want. I just don't know what to feel anymore other than to simply try to let things go since i'll never know what i did wrong. (I'm not mad btw, just confused/sad still). 😓❤️‍🩹

***

[Btw these are two very seperate situations with different people. Both just coincidentally happened around the same time. One person online, the others are irl childhood friends who i used to be close to and just seemed to suddenly cut me off at one point while still staying close with eachother. I've tried to reach out to the irl friends before but things just aren't the same and there's clearly emotional distance IF they bother to answer me... and i have no way of contacting the tumblr user since they blocked me, (as what blocking is for obv), plus their anons are off.].

Like even if that Tumblr blogger and i aren't/were never super close, it's just so random and out of the blue to cut me off and block me (so it seems). And maybe that's why it bugs me so much because it happened around the same time of my irl situation. And my former irl friends were actually close to me, so loosing people either online or irl just cuts so much deeper. ...

... and then happening around the same time also just makes it feel so personal, like i'm the problem, whether or not i actually am. Ironically i don't think about this 24/7, and i'm not obsessing over it--or maybe i'm just trying to fool myself into pretending to forget and not care--but aghhhhh why?? Like i just have no clues. There's a hole in my heart because friendship breakups are just a *different* type of hurt. </3

-•☆•☆●��●☆•☆•-

If you've read through all of that, thank you for your patience for my ramblings. 🩷 Admittedly, part of me does want advice but honestly- Please don't feel pressured to respond or anything; at the end of the day, i just needed to get it off my chest, and so what better way to do it than into the void of Tumblr to be lost/floating around forever. ❤️‍🩹

:( </3

Just curious... what happens when someone blocks you on Tumblr?

I used to follow someone on here and suddenly they disappeared, and i searched for their account but nothing comes up in the app... but on the internet (if i am not signed in) it does...

i genuinely don't remember doing anything to upset them; and their content was one of my favourites on here, it was always being praised by myself and others, and i could've sworn at one point we were mutuals.... their work/fics are also one of the accounts that literally inspired me to make one of my own... 🥺💔

Maybe it shouldn't matter to me and i should just leave the (lack of?) situation alone..?

It just feels disappointing and confusing since it genuinely makes me feel ill that i could've accidentally upset someone to the point of being blocked.. 😣😥💔

[chaifootsteps]

I never understood this thing when creator of the show has a toxic af fictional couple and admits that it's based on their irl relationship. Like it was a thing with Catradora I guees, now it's simular with Stolitz. Like I have no idea how do people even admit that toxic ships are based on their "good" irl ones. Like doesn't anything click in their head? Or am I just misunderstanding something and they are not based on irl relationships that much?

I would hope by "based on" they mean "very loosely involving some things that happened in my real life relationship", but you've really got to wonder if their relationships are that fucked up and they genuinely don't realize it.

Although Brandon's relationship crashed and burned, so I guess someone realized something.

[wisewastelandandnotsowisesimp]

Hakuoki Ramblings (Part 2.5?)

hello. so i wanted to do a sorta character analysis thing (it's probably gonna read out more like a 'reasons why i love X and they have a place in my brain) and so i decided to do a seperate, spe-shal post for this. and who better than mah boi okita?

from the moment he first appeared on my screen and said those infamous first lines, he took away my breath (and my sanity, and the top spot on my ultimate husbando list. but i digress). even now, my love for okita is strong as always (even iba isn't enough, like he's great and all, but i feel like i like him because of the potential he had as opposed to his actual character).

the other okita souji I've seen (who is also based on the real life figure, albeit loosely) is the Okita Sougo of Gintama. in the show (which is hard to slug through but it's pre good, i'd recommend to watch), okita is seen as a sadistic swordsman who has his insane moments and a rivalry with hijikata, the "demonic vice-commander". the reason why i note this is because there are quite a lot of similarities between the two.

the thing with hijikata-> throughout both series, okita pokes fun at hijikata. in hakuoki, this manifests in the form of banter whereas in gintama, the "poking fun" is brought up to a whole 'nother level as okita (repeatedly, and unsuccessfully) tries to kill hijikata. either way, it provides a form of entertainment and in the case of hakuoki , provides some lightheartedness to the gravity of the game (can't say for the anime, cuz i haven't watched it). favourite, memorable, moments include:

the ishida medicinal powder thing

THE HAIKUS

when okita points out that chizuru was assigned to be an attendent to hijikata and okita is told to shut it (memory is a little iffy on that part, it was chapter 1-something)

(still can't format the fooking thing, i lied, i can't do it but this is numero 2) the sadistic side. in the game, okita's sadistic side is not so much sadistic in verbal terms as it is just bloodthirsty, self-depravating (in some instances) comments. same with his killing style, i feel (note: has been a very very long while since i completed this man's route so could be inaccurate) that he's not the sorta person that would slowly torture and kill someone (unless pushed over the edge which he is pre close to, admittedly) but rather would go with one slice/stab and get high in the rush of life.

the light brown hair (apologies, i forgot most of my arguments because I'm coming back to this after weeks. was supposed to end the year with this and now its march. )

snarky comments. a lot of snarky comments.

(oh god i want to play hakuoki again, it's been too long. but life. but hot anime men. will get back to this one.) here are just some hakuoki specific ones.

abs. (ik a lot of characters have shirtless cgs. i haven't seen okita's yet so i can't say ive seen them per se but he's a hot anime warrior dude- he has some)

the fact that he based his hairstyle on kondou (KYAAAA)

this is long enough as is tbh, and my brain hurts from too much science. but hey, i am able to proclaim my love for a psychotic-warrior-dude-based-on-a-now-dead-guy which kinda weirded me out when i first thought of it this way because then the question remains, do i simp for a dead guy or a reinterpretation of him? in that case, could i say that i am truly a devotee for the mans? (at the same time, i know people simp over irl serial criminals and george michael)

in the end, i will not pull a nick gatsby and wait for a long time for what was simply attraction to ideals to be reciprocated at all. although i suppose i am less pitiful, in that i am aware that it will never happen. now please excuse me as i still continue to stare into that green light and bask in the temporary happiness it may provide me

[ladyartemesia]

I wanna know something, idk if u already have answered this or if it's too personal to answer 👉👈 forgive me if it feels awkward 🥺

Which character from "the alpha" hits close to home for you? Like, when you're writing a character's traits or life events, have u ever felt like "this fictional person has a piece of me inside him/her" or "this is just me in disguise"?

Now a fun question- if u could be bestie/ go-to person with one character from the alpha au, which one would it be? 👀

I know this is gonna sound bonkers but... Its hard not to put myself into the reader characters when I write. (I honestly need to get better at it.) I wrote the Luna as very similar to how I would act and react in many of these situations. Someone with strong convictions and strong emotions. Defiant but not simply for defiance sake... The Luna’s situation is obviously very unique but her personality... for better or worse much of me has spilled over.

Yoonji (Ji-ah) is based on a synthesis of my IRL best friend and @xjoonchildx so the answer to that is obvious lol. However, I tend to base my Yoongi characterizations on my husband so perhaps it is not as simple a question as it seems...

Seokjin’s characterization is (loosely because I couldn’t write romance if it was too close 🤢) based on my brother and we are also very close.

[a-s-levynn]

He is being HELD

Oh don't worry, i am still very much on my ST fanart break but i just seen smol boy iv dangling there and vessel happend. It is mostly because i wanted to preemtively stop myself before i burn out on ST and loose the joy of drawing them. But they are going to pop up here and there eventually.

And thank you so much, i appreciate your choice of iv because i am very much partial and biased towards him even if i don't shout on every other post.

I think i voiced it once, a few months back, that for me ST is like.. Vessel is the most interesting for me aesthetically so that's why i draw him the most. Also would love to pick his brain a bit on just whatever but alas, at least i can draw him whenever i feel like it.

III for me is pecualiar and always interesting. He seems like a lovely guy. II has the vibe of someone i either could get along with or he would hate me. And i like drawing him shirtless because his lines are much softer than Ves's and it is both a challenge and fun to do. Alsso best mask handss down.

And then IV somehow has this vibe that remind me of my favourite people irl and i cannot escape it. He just solidified himself as my fave and i don't really fight to change that. And iss iss based on the simple basis of, i looked at him and went "yup, that's my fave" and he still is.

And don't worry, i fully get keeping your blog actually like a journal not a mess of randomness. There is nothing selfish about creating a space for yourself that you feel your and comfortable with. That's why we all have the types of blogs we have. Whatever makes the given individual comfy. There are no expectations on how much one should reblog or comment or mix post types. Do what fels right.

I tired and failed multiple times to steer mine back to a more personal thing but i jut can't. I'm too diorganized. So i accepted the fact that my main blog never going to be an organized thing so it's just a mostly fun place to do whatever.

Although i kinda revived a sideblog of mine not that long ago to just wordvomit at any given moment without giving a weird whiplash to anyone. Seems to help with mostly keeping this main one clean from my random musings on life and myself and whatnot. It sometimes seeps through but it mostly works.

So please don't worry over how your blog is. It is not selfish to have something the way you want to have it. It is your blog. It makes you comfortable. And that is the point. You're good. ♥

Have some more hugs and love and excuse me for the textblock, brevity isn't really my strong suit.

hi Levynn, thank you for your kind words on the soul vomit that is my art. means more than you know. have a smol iv as thanks

Tiny IV??? Getting airdropped by a tentacle? Oh i'm so taking him-- Oh no.. Vessel STOP, he is supposed to be my tiny iv! Ah well... （´∇｀'')°>

But in all seriousness... under the cut

In all seriousness, i am genuinly excited about every and all sleep token art. Lately i just don't have the time or energy to scroll through my entire subs dash every day or look through the main tags, but i do enjoy any and all.

As someone who does draw stuff fairly regularly, i know how much it can mean -especially on certain days- someone putting just a simple "oh this is cool" under something you made. It could be the one thing you feel you actually did right that day, even if everything else went sideways.

And your works are so fun to look at and not just from a technical, visual, stylistic standpoint. To repeat myself: the cute silly ones are always on point with humor and cuteness and the serious ones are making my brain turn every time and that is what i look for in any and every piece of art.

So yes. I love your stuff. And in general you seem like a lovely person on top of that. So yeah. You are one of my beloved phone people and i'm sending you all the hugs and love, you can't escape it, don't even try. I hope the day is being kind to you ♥