#this is vent art but im too proud of it to not post it lol

[arsen1cs4ng0]

killing the part of me that made me suffer for so long (he's not doing a good job at it)

[willyouhaveme]

.

[beehiveofblorbos]

hey, intro post time? why not.

You can call me Bee, Beehive, Oriole, something, im not really particular lol.

edit as of November 2024:

Well, I’m into the Magnus Archives too now I guess??? God it’s been such a long time since I’ve had so many obsessions in close succession. Again, UnO is uh still here!! I’ve just been venting it on my Ao3 and Reddit XD so it’s more contained now. Genshin is also Very Much Here and so’s Danganronpa but neither of them are very primary right now. I also post for Miraculous Ladybug and MHA somewhat infrequently; will be moreso once I get caught up with both. Some fandoms I’m less engaged in but excited to interact w still are PJO, ATLA, Saiki K, and AssClass.

I read fanfic write fanfic draw fanart and basically breathe all things fandom. Sometimes I drop au concepts, sometimes I post analyses or just rando thoughts, I’m all over the place pretty much. My queue rolls at all hours and I use it Liberally

finally, some help navigating my blog!

general tags

these aren’t law, i was around too long before deciding to clean things up to really commit to this but it’s a good start + explains some of my weirder tags

dr/genshin fanart: fandom art tags

some tagging conventions I use for my bigger faves, in case you’re looking for someone specific (or want to filter out someone specific? as you like lol):

ouma kokichi

genshin venti

furina de fontaine

kaede akamatsu

tsumugi shirogane

yuki maeda (also could be under dra yuki, sdra2 yuki)

makoto naegi

john unordinary

longposts to come

Angie Yonaga + Tsumugi Shirogane; Watsonian creation of a character who believes in a false god

Mikako Kurokawa: the great, the good, the bad, the terrible

Makoto Naegi: an extended analysis (as promised per Makoto v Kyouko in the 2024 DR Character Tournament)

Blyke (UnOrdinary) and Why He Matters

posts im proud of:

Genshin:

On Ludi Harpastum

https://www.tumblr.com/beehiveofblorbos/755418905802096640/at-this-point-ludi-harpastum-makes-me-nervous-at

Is Venti really Barbatos?

Danganronpa:

What I Love vs What’s Best For It

Maizono Sayaka: birthday art + analysis

UnOrdinary:

Miraculous Ladybug:

[third-thepeacock]

VENT WARNING (Its not really a vent but me just talking about not liking the past of this months of this blogs its nothing serious)

I have eliminated almost every old thing I had in my blog (of art and aus)

not because I think people shouldnt see my old stuff and everything,everyone can learn and im proud of progress

But im SO EMBARRASSED of my old writing.

Like, RIGHT NOW i can be negative in a funny way but i feel like im joking because I myself find it fun, and i like what im doing, knowing I can get better

BUT I USED TO WRITE LIKE "oh i dont like this but whatev im posting it even if its ugly"

Im thinking I really wanted attention or I was edgy in social media or something because it really was like "oh why do i care its ugly its so bad you can tell me its bad i know its bad ugh its ugly"

And im not saying admitting something its not your strong or that its not perfect its wrong its totally cool to know your potential and not just blind yourself with saying you are perfect, its healthy to know and see better and try to get better

but in my own experience saying that , i think i was just saying because yes attention bla bla i dont really think i was trying to progress i was just stuck in my own need attention period

IF I EVER SAY THAT AGAIN IM SO SORRY i do not mean it in a serious way i like joking with my small ability im still learning pls tell me if somethiing happens

IF YOU SEE SOMETHING MINE THATS LIKE "ugh its ugly""no one likes it but""just let me know because idk""au, um"LET ME KNOW i can easily repost as old art and thats it i do not want something like that or i can change it or whatever

if someone is like that its totally fine i do not like it when i myself does it you are cool person reading this if someone does read this

I maybe come by this post and now recent posts and be like "get a load of this ball(cause ball oc lol)" but i think i may like better seeing this progress being happy that reading me being just sad to get attention or something

Could I just leave it there and admit it was bad?Yes, totally, but I couldnt live with myself cause non-existent anxiety its like "uuuugh so cringe of you"

so yeah its gone or most of it it because i dont like that part that was me

ugh this doesnt make sense but yeah, time to start over because im not proud of what i made, erasing it maybe was a scaredy move or my anxiety that doesnt exist just was too much but yeah thats what im doing now. I hope i dont have to erase more recent things but ye

[levis-hazelnut]

This is a vent.

You can do what you want with this post but please do read the part from where your name starts in bold and pink.

I have decided it's okay for me to type my thoughts out here In tumblr. Safer than my journal at least lol

So I'm doing okay but I also feel like shit for the past few days lol. To the point where I cried myself to sleep. Ever felt like crying badly but the tears won't come out but you can't even act frustrated? Yeah that too.

I'll be honest. I changed schools so now I have about 3 supportive friends but we haven't interacted much.

My friends from my previous school are really very cool and supportive and it is because of them, I had a thought of exploring me and thinking about my sexuality and everything.

I have a lot of friendship problems. Im kinda losing touch with My friends from the previous school and i saw it coming almost 1 years ago. But I still talk to them bc I like them. I have been betrayed and neglected and taken for granted by loads of people who were my friends. We're still in touch but there is a disconnection.

I really considered them my friends. I trusted them. I was looking for a special bond with them. But it never happened. Half of them betrayed and verbally bullied me. Some of them strayed away. Some were Influenced by other bullies. Some took me for granted.

I'm awkward at voicing out my true feelings. I wanted them to know through my actions how much they meant to me, how I bragged about how nice they were, how I loved it when we went on little adventures and screamed and laughed. But they just had to go away.

My one and only lovely best friend moved away and now we live about 2000 kms apart but we still talk and she supports me (and simple for me lol) and she is kinda like one of the top reasons I'm sane rn. I'm very grateful to have her.She sometimes visits my blog through Google and reads my fics.

I've been having depressive episodes since last year. It's definitely better than last year bc back then, I used to cry in secret like- every single day. Including my birthday. I've actually kinda mastered the art of masking my feelings.

On top of that I have family problems. My dad is not really emotionally present. I hate to say this but my mom kinda victimizes herself. Evertime they have fights, I hear and notice this. It pisses me off but the points they make about themselves make sense. Eventually they make up and they sat down and made me under stand that nothing is gonna happen but it mentally affects me a lot.

Believe me when I say that I love my parents. But I'm growing distant. On top of that there is some toxic advice and they are homophobic oof.

I know there are millions of people with more worse conditions than mine and when I think about this, I get sad and start to invalidate my feelings but with the help of some motivational people, I understand that my problems are valid and I'm allowed to feel sad. At this point I'm like my own supporter. I'm proud of it.

Every time I see jean, I relate to him a lot. Putting a strong front for others but your terrified inside. (Also thighs mm)

So Hazel. Listen to me

When I found out of tumblr and fanfics, I was overjoyed. I spend weeks reading comfort fics by many different authors including yours and it made me feel safe.

I finally decided to make an account and follow people. I mostly interacted with you. There are so many blogs and moots that I follow now, and now I'm not shy or scared to interact with them.

You know why? Because of you.

It is from your blog I first felt like I could feel safe. I never felt weird about going in your inbox more than once. Everytime you responded I felt butterflies. After that when you followed me back, I actually almost cried. Every single time I saw you in my dash, inbox or responding to me, or just interacting with your fellow moots, I felt happy.

And after that I met amber, izzy, and so many cool moots. If we ever met In real love I wouldn't hesitate to give you a big hug and thank you.

Hazel baby when I say I love you, I fucking mean it.

I love you. I love you so much

I love all of my moots, and people who I interact with every day. I found so many supportive people and people from the lgbtq and people who share the same thoughts here.

Thank you for being you.

I hope you never forget how much I admire you. I'm almost tearing up as I write this. All of you guys give me so much motivation to move forward in my life.

himani please the way you had me crying because of this i love you so so so much i cant stress it enough

(imma put a read more cos this got kinda long lol)

im so happy that you found a safe space and you feel comfortable enough to tell me all of this too. you have me on discord as well and i'd always be happy to listen to you if you need to talk or just to simply simp over 2d people lmao

and im so sorry that you've been feeling terrible, it honestly breaks my heart and i wish there was something i could do. i'd hold you and be there to fight everyone for you if i could. if those friends dont keep in touch with you, they'll be missing out and they'd be losing such a precious and amazing person. but once you lose something you always gain something - thats something i've realised so you will find the right people that will stick by you for a very long time ❤❤ i'm so glad you have your best friend there to support you and sticking by you because even when you feel like everything's just going to shit i know they'd be there for you and im happy about that

your feelings are completely valid and im glad you realised that. just know that im always going to be here too to support you and to just be there for you whenever you need it

bye the way you have my heart himani, it makes me so happy that you feel safe here and that you never felt weird about interacting with me. please you give me butterflies all the time, how could i not follow a beautiful person like you. honestly the same goes to you - i love seeing you on my dash and i love seeing you have a great time and interacting with people especially with my moots it makes me so happy i cant describe it 😭

if we ever meet im not letting you leave my side, you're gonna permanently be in my arms

i love you so much more i wish there was a way i could show just how much... im glad you found people you love and those that support you and that give you motivation. and im always going to be here to support you and for anything else you need

thank you for being comfortable enough to talk to me and to share this. you're an amazing person never doubt that 🥺🥰💖

[promise-of-a-lifetime]

4am anxious rambling

i’m really anxious and having a bit of an existential crisis right now so i’m just gonna vent here a little bit wlejnfwlejw hello to everyone who decides to read this ! i’m egg !! i’m trying to figure out what to do but i’m really struggling TwT i don’t have any direction and i’m lost after graduating high school, i did like 2 semesters of first year college before stopping to take a year break to figure out what i want to do. fast forward to now, i’m 24, 6 years post grad, and i’ve been working part-time at fast food for 5 years. i’m trying to look into getting back to school (programs, degrees, etc) but the further i read into this stuff, the more i wanna d word honestly i can’t find anything i want to do, anything that interests me, or anything that i’d be able to succeed in (i truly think there’s nothing i’m good at) i keep thinking to myself, if i just pursued some type of bachelor’s degree when i got right out of high school, i would be searching for a professional job at this point x v x it’s all in the past now, it can’t be changed and i can only mourn for those lost years of opportunity---but i still can’t help but think that if i started early, i would have made something of myself by now what have i been doing? i’ve wasted so much time, i feel like a disappointment to my parents, and i’m having so many regrets and having a crisis about it wlejfnwlejfw

i do understand that it’s never too late to start ! i also know that i shouldn’t pursue a degree just to achieve, that i should do it if i want to, if it will be meaningful to me in the long run since degrees don’t guarantee anything either

what do i like and what makes me happy? i like art but my drawings aren’t worth...anything really. never been commissioned before in my life. i want to try making stickers and enamel pins but i don’t think my art is good enough. so many younger ppl are so much more skilled and i feel like i can’t catch up to them. i regret not making myself learn the fundamentals like anatomy/colour/shade back in hs and now i have to backtrack so much i like to write, as in roleplaying. it’s fun to write out characters and kinda---live vicariously through them? ; v ; i like animals but a vet job is not for me. maybe there’s something i can do in digital media? idk about that either---i thought about animation too, but i don’t think i can do that bc i’m not good at art wlejfnwlj since working at my fast food job, ppl have told me i have a nice voice so i wonder if i’d be able to do something with it? like narrating? could i ever be a voice actor? lol i think my hands look nice...i wondered about being a hand model. i also thought about doing something with video games? but i don’t think i’m smart enough i thought about writing a book about the heartbreak i went through in my teenage years (that is still ongoing now tbh). but would anyone read it? anime makes me happy T v T  so i like haikyuu a lot right? and my mind just went on a tangent, ‘what if you started playing volleyball when you were younger?’ and like---not that i ever wanted to be a pro sports player or anything but my mind was like ‘what if you did that and pursued it, you could’ve become a professional athlete but now it’s too late’ i guess it freaks me out thinking about stuff like that---of an opportunity squashed and out of reach forever bc i didn’t start early enough. but i’m also here squashing my self-worth and my capabilities. i fear failure so much. i keep thinking i’ll fail when i haven’t even tried yet. so yeah i’m going through a crisis aha wlejfnlwejfw  i just...want to be happy TwwT want to make my parents proud. want to be successful and doing something i enjoy. i want to make myself proud but i’ve always felt like i’m worthless wahhh i’m so, so sorry for wasting your time if you read this far ;ww; but if you did, thank you so much for listening to me for a little while. if anyone has any advice to offer, pls IM me !! i could use all the help i can get qwq

[malandi]

Random confession not really a vent hmm

i deleted twitter because a lot of young teens looked up to me too much. God i feel so bad for ghosting them but it was freaking me out.

My acc was anime focused and so i cheered on artists, talked with a lot of people about shared interests, generally made a wholesome experience for me and people who interact with me. Then id tweet about random personal stuff like school and family and these kids would go "i wish we were classmates" "can i be your little sister?" "if we went to school together we'd def be friends keysmash" and i had an account for less than 2 months that time. Call me a boomer or whatever but come on... Theyre way too comfortable with a stranger online. And i put my age in my bio so they know im 5+ years older than them. From their pov it might be innocent interactions but im a grown digital native and all i can think about is how vulnerable they are. The anime community isn't exactly the safest place and the internet in general.

Idk why they trust too easily, might be the awe of someone they think is older and cooler sharing the same interests as they do.

i did subtly tell them that they trust too easy but they brushed it off. They said something like, "yeah duhhh we know there are predators online but youre obviously not one of them!" how could they know this within a few weeks of being mutuals with me?? Even if theyre right, its just too careless for me

Most of all, they tweet a lot about nsfw stuff with their anime boys. One of them had a fan hentai pfp that i didnt recognize because im unfamiliar with those stuff. When they found out that i thought it was official art of that character eating meat (something this character is famous for so its not a reach), a bunch of 15 year old girls teased me for it. They had fun but I DIDNT! why the hell would i want teens to tell me about this 😭😭

theyre young and will likely learn and outgrow that phase but it was all too much for me that i deleted without a word lol. I know i couldve guided them better or looked out for them but the way they were so comfortable with me scared me so i bailed. They really dont know me, im older than them, i never posted my face (even if they kept begging me to do that every Friday), but theyre so comfortable with crossing boundaries instead of protecting themselves. Sigh. Anyway. I hope theyreall doing fine. I keep thinking maybe I should return but just be a silent follower and be alert if someone sus is interacting with them. Don't get me wrong, i am very fond of them, i enjoyed my time with them, im proud of their fanart and fancam edits, i think highly of them, so i do want to look out for them and keep them happy.

[wannadiebutgottawrite]

I mean where’s your writing though? Where are the storys, whAT ARE YOU WRITING I mean if you actually post stuff I’ll low key make you fan art cause I wanna see more original content my man I see all these writing memes in your blog but haven’t yet seen any writing...

im SO shy with my writing im ngl ;;;; i havent like, gone to classes to get better or anything so im mostly self taught since i slacked off so much in high school 

but um i can tell you right now haha i mean why not, i didnt actually think anyone cared so lmao 

ive got a few stories going on but most of them are in EARLY stages, my main piece is about a girl named mishka linkovich, its a superhero theme thing so expect stupidity :3;;;; also the superhumans are called masks, whether they’re heroes or villains or vigilantes, if they have super powers then theyre masks

mishka lives in an apartment with her “step father” mordecai who used to be the worlds greatest mercenary but he retired to become a florist, but he still keeps tabs on his old shit and actually helps the local hero and his sidekick lmao im ngl im wildly proud of mordecai please ask about him

mishka has messy hazard orange hair that stops just above her shoulders and bangs that cover her left eye,gunmetal blue eyes that are p dead-looking and cold, she’s usually glaring but it’s not on purpose shes just in a lot of pain constantly haha and like. a STUPID amount of scars. like. you dont know, dude. you just dont. noteably, theres a scar across her neck from when it got Yoinked open with a broken bottle aye

she also wears baggy clothing cos she doesnt go shopping, she just gets clothes from her friends so everything she owns is a handmedown

a bit about the world, superheroes are paid to protect their cities, which they are Very territorial about and the government chooses which hero gets which city, mishkas city has a hero named Atomic Man, his sidekick is Nova Boy. 

little bit about them, they’re dumb. 

they are just dumb lmao. Atomic Man is basically picture perfect generic superhero, blond hair, blue eyes, show-off muscles (as in they are purely for decoration), super strength and flight. Nova Boy is novice level pyro since he’s still getting a hang on his power but he basically makes explosions. he is the brains so to speak because he helps make gadgets for himself and his hero, he is ALSO Atomic Man’s step son lol hes got dark brown hair and brown eyes and hes about thirteen

theres a lot of found family here jsyk lmao

mishka isnt uh the Best Person. this might sound cliche but idrc, she’s a former child soldier and mordecai is helping her work through it so she can fit into normal society but i try to make her blood thirst tie into more of an addiction type thing than glorifying it, you know?? like not ever is it viewed as a good thing but it is understood that she does need help n shit 

(if u cant tell i dont really talk about this shit a lot lmao i have no idea how to make it seem interesting or sell it to someone in anyway lol elevator pitch? the fuck is that) 

uh some stuff about mishka, she has 3 friends other than mordecai. a boy named dewey who im ngl, i vented a lot into him. like. a lot. A Lot. i feel SO bad for him lmao 

anyway next friend is Loralei, single mother, pregnant, ex-nurse, stay-at-home-mom who makes tiny toys and clothes and sells them online also she’s Super stick thin like its a concern also shes bald and has wings

btw there are winged people in this world lmao sorry, yeah, mordecai has wings too and i have like references and shit. to be more specific, the wings fit the person. they’re always like 3-5 longer than the body’s height. like mordecai is almost 7 feet tall so his wings are mcfuckin Big and also very dark brown with red undertone, very fluffy, very healthy while LORALEIS are thin, she doesnt shed her feathers properly, she is obviously underfed and looks very frail but she’s So happy and chipper all the time.

loralei always wears pink and yellow and Bright teal dont ask me why dude idk but shes a very good mom and moms @ mishka a lot and shes one of the only people mishka genuinely trusts despite the fact only dewey and mordecai know about her killing people (she doesnt want loralei to leave her, which, mood)

third friend is a shadow creature that eats people in the alley beside the apartment complex but ill. ill go into that another time. jfc.

idk this was all just slapped together in like eight minutes and im sorry haha but yeah heres. heres this. here we go. lol. thank you for asking sorry if it wasnt what you wanted love u thank you

also im not gonna proof read this even remotely so if theres something stupid then like, /shrug 

sorry if its a long reply

[haeroniel-doliet]

a bonus thought post for the night!!

on that nostalgia raising feelings train but it derails so it got long so its under a readmore :*

scrolling my old art made me a bit sad and nostalgic (who doesnt get those feelings though doing the same) specifically i really have my heart going out to kid me who got basically no notes on anything. (im not saying i shouldve, art was definitely kid art and questionably tagged etc!) but some i put effort into and it made me so happy to get those 10 likes or whatever. it made me post post and post even what i was working on and unfinished bits (Sure, being me? many of those never got finished bc posting gave the hit of reward chemicals, no response meant no motivation to finish to get more yknow?)

its weird thinking ive now as an adult got a handful of posts with -hundreds- of notes. one over a thousand!! (sure, the really good and popular artists may have thousands but hey they deserve it!!) its weird that i sort of maybe now know what to do to get a reaction out of my prefered niche of the internet. that if i tried w some more consistently, who knows?

im proud of everything in my current art tag. (mostly. no. i am proud shut up brain) i feel slightly like posting more wips. bc i have a ton. surprisingly? ive been drawing way more in the past year than ive been posting (new for me). of course, there is no obligation to post it. why post stuff im not happy with? only to get anxious abt it? sure posting that one teaser when i was actively working on making it better was kinda fun. sure maybe posting some wips would make me go back and finish them bc some of them are good ideas?? but also some are just. theyd make sense to nobody but myself. and why should i share every crevice of my creativity like i used to as an attention craving kid?

my blog is my blog its me, its not a nice art blog its got all my vents and whatever i like to reblog on a given day on it all together. i could make a new tag that feels less like a portfolio to post wips i abandoned or doodles that never went further. it might be nice having them out here. but somehow i feel like id be too embarassed to post them, for my few followers to actually see them. what if i actually tagged them and ppl in tags saw my nonsense doodles? is it worth it? right now my art tag feels like its: dinluke and finished at that ONLY. things that people who come on my blog would like to see perhaps...

hahahhahahha i just crashed my Krita trying to with brash abandon look at all the unposted wips i have at once

turns out i have like. a handful of original works that never got past a rough doodle stage which is fair yknow they were just ideas that could be fleshed out but dont need to. some of them are very personal vent art

ive got a few sketch to tiny doodle to questionable attempt at painting etc bits of the star wars ladies. reminds me that i should branch out in my star wars posting and that drawing women is just way easier and more natural to me why dont i do it more?

ive got a good few fic inspired sketches that never got legs and tbf? theyre olddd now.

ive got like 12 frames of the inktober challenge from last year... in the style of posting 5 at a time, theyve all been sketched out and like half are i think finished. obviously october went long and at some point it just felt weird to post them even if i finished them. i sort of decided if i finish them up early autumn i could get away w posting them for beginning of october while i had a try at the new inktober? idk why i like a challenge to force me to draw more than i do in a year. and then it takes me a year lol. i have a set of 5 that are all inspired by fic, and like. i still like the idea of them. unfortunately? some of the references were old..  A YEAR AGO. sure theres like, the appreciation for vintage and telling ppl we like their work ages on. but i worry the authors no longer are in the fandom or want to be reminded of their work? etc etc. some of them are meh, some i like.

ngl i am especailly happy w my oct 31 post, which i really wish id finished on time for last year. heres to seeing if i post it this year? maybe i’ll finish what i want to finish of them (theres like. 2 im just really not inspired for and never was) and then have a wee collage of them to post, w the oct 31 prompt seperate, as a sort of. hey wip clear out! these are the stragglers from last year :))

maybe ill post original art one day when i get drawn enough to finish one.

ok ok hi welcome indepth to my thought process, bonus thoughts for every thought included. this doesnt need to be on the internet SURE but its a small time capsule for myself ok?

i dont think right now making a doodle tag to post wips is gonna bring me anything but anxiety and feelings of inadequacy i know too well from posting art as a teen. maybe at some point itll help break the barrier and ill just. post shit but it doesnt have to be on my ““portfolio tag”“

i could pick up an wip to finish now, ive got a good few candidates. but i think i should best just, shake off the cobwebs on smth new so i dont feel like im ruining it. it might be a rey or a leia or other star wars heroine portrait. it might be grogu bc hes an already ugly gremlin. it might be something else. i might be talking a high load of shit bc its 3 am again and i should go sleep rather than push myself in delirium. odds are tomorrow im exhausted again, feel like i should do things that actually benefit me in my life and address responsibilites, and shut down under the weight of the thought of it and not do anything until i go crazy at night again? time will tell but rn im stuck in that loop.

perhaps i should never have posted this bc its very long and personal but also? i kinda doubt anyone will read it and thats ok :)) if you are here, hi sorry that you know me better now! uhhh thoughts on the above?

[dewitty1]

My one follower recommended your page lol.I see your friends with lots of cool people and writers. how do you get to do that? Did you just talk to them? Im new on tumbler and love drarry. who are your biggest followers and friends? do they follow you by asking? who is good to follow? thank!

Hello there, Anon!I'm sorry I sat on your ask for a bit the real world got in my way and I didn't get a chance to get to it, plus I was mulling over how to answer for a bit, if I'm being completely honest (which if you decide to follow me, you'll see that I always am, sometimes to the point of brutality).

One follower??? How do you only have one follower? Come out from behind anon and say hello, I won’t bite! Well, you know, unless you’re into that sort of thing *rawrrrr*

How did I become friends with writers, you ask? Well, it was difficult for me. I was a lurker in the fandom for a long time. Meaning, I just read fics, and sometimes the comments, but I never had the nerve to comment myself. I didn't really know there was fandom activity on Tumblr until a few years ago(2014-ish), when I started looking for fic recs. So, I started following a bunch of Drarry Tumblr blogs, @goldentruth813 was one of the first authors and Drarry blogs I followed. She's great. From there I just started following other blogs, and authors who left their Tumblr links in their AO3 fic notes. 

But how did you get to talk to them, you ask??? Well, that's when I found out about the Drarry Discord chat from @carpemermaidtales! It's a good way for you to go and meet the authors,and other fandom people, because Tumblr is a terrible platform for actually having a conversation with people. I must warn you though,sometimes the chat can be very busy, and its hard to get a word in, and sometimes its very dead. It just really depends on your time zone, your working hours, your sleep habits, and whatnot. Also if may not be a good fit for you. It wasn't for me after a while. It can be overwhelming if you have social anxiety. Also,like any other place, it can be a bit cliquey. I don't think anyone does it on purpose. It's just how people are. Everyone is very nice, though. Hopefully me saying that out loud doesn't come back to bite me in the ass,but it probably will. 😬 Oh well, brutal honesty, right? Also, the Discord is great for you if you're working on writing yourself. They have all kinds of great helpful things there, activity rooms, production sprints, Brit picking, fest talk, beta help, and cool stuff like that. So, its a good place overall, really. Ok, biggest followers and friends-Well the friend I’ve had the longest here would be Dave, aka @pleasantlyhumongouspizza. We’ve been friends since I got on twitter in 2008 or so. He’s even on my Facebook (YIKES) so he really knows too much about me.My Tumblr daughter is @rose-grangerweasleyisbae. I scolded her about not doing homework or something on one of her drabbles, and I’ve been Tumblr Mom ever since.She’s a good daughter! And a fabulous writer! Her work is really coming along well. I’m uber proud of her, as if I were really her mom. I don’t mind being called Mom. I’m open for more youngins to come talk to me. I’ve since been adopted by a few more - @oolaan (vents to me very often. I try to give good advice.) & @chaoticbong (shes buckling down and studying hard on hiatus right now).Other good friends -Sam - @xx-thedarklord-xx Love her writing! It’s almost always fluffy. She does not do much angst or character death (like once and it STILL had a happy ending). And of course you can’t have Sam without Ren her bestie, @rmh8402, she ships Drarry, but also Frostiron (Tony Stark/Loki) so be warned, there. She works nights  here in the USA so can be hard to catch if you want to talk but usually has good stuff on her blog.Then there’s one of my favorite authors @lqtraintracks, who write fab fics, usually with amazing smut, and her girlfriend, @whipmyhairlikebangbang, who shares my love of Gal Gadot, and is a fic writer herself.Can’t forget @femmequixotic & @noeeon a couple who is definitely GOALS if there ever was. Love them both! And their Erised fic last year was AMAZE! OMG! Also if you’re not reading Tales From The Special Branch Series, then what are you doing?Another power couple I love would be @camael-fanart & @skarhead. I don’t talk to them as much as I’d like, unfortunately, but you definitely need to follow them if you aren’t.If you’re not following @llap115 then you are really missing out on a good fandom friend too. Amazing art, and very supportive.Another fab friend and artist is @scarlet47. Lover her, her art rocks. Also she posts kittens, lol...Then there’s my favorite kitten (*only I can call her that though mmmkay?) @parkkate. Lovely, gorgeous, friend, that I keep curled up in my pocket, safe and warm. Oh and she writes as well, lol....My lovely Aussies- @jadepresley who was the first fic writer to follow me back and I think I screamed out loud and startled my cat. @queenofthyme who has probably the best blog, and writes lovely fluffy works as well. @henrymercury, gorgeous Hannah who sings like an angel and rocks a fantastic suit, not to mention writes some great fics. Oh and follow @fleamontpotter for hilarious comics.Follow @bixgirl1 and for great writing as well - Lemme tell you, The Claiming of Grimmauld Place - I was trying to tell my son how funny Paul was, about him eating Bertie Bott’s and calling our boys “Fruckers”, watching them shag, lol... I about died laughing and he just looked at me like I was nuts. LOL.You really can’t have Bix and not have @l0vegl0wsinthedark. It’d be like popcorn and no butter or salt. Blegh. L0ve is an awesome writer too, and has a great blog. 

Okay from here I think I’ll just post other blogs I think you should follow because this post is really long, lol---

@staganddragon Love her, but we don’t talk enough anymore, and i miss her A LOT!! Same goes for @pukingpastilles @puking-pastilles. Follow @insufferable-git aka @scarheads-malfoy because Rachel is beautiful inside and out and her Draco is perfect. Follow @jesreally & @askdoratonks Because Jes is lovely and does amazing RP though we’ve never talked. If you want leftist political stuff (I DO) follow @eidheann, butshe posts other interesting things too, though if you follow me I usually just reblog her anyway, lol. Follow @magpiefngrl for more fab Drarry writing, as well as @callingdrarry and also because Gracie is hella funny, and I adore her to bits. If you like cool Aesthetic stuff as well as interesting HP rarepairs follow @untilourapathy, Gwen is fab tooo! I’ve probably left a bunch out and have made someone feel bad because I did and if so I’m sorry, but my brain is shit, because I don’t sleep. and it’s basically filled with song lyrics, and movie quotes, and other uselesstrash that nobody cares about. So anon, I REALLY hop that gives you a good idea about who to follow, because if not, then IDEKWTF to tell you, lol...

for now BUH BYE!

[askguyslikeus]

((answering questions under the cut!))

i do actually plan on a little story! nothing too huge ahah but i do want this to be mostly run as an askblog! i might leave yall hints in the tags of important storyish posts but for the most part just sending asks should keep the ball rolling

eastern time zone! i have a weird work schedule and usually get out by 10 am - 1 pm or have weekdays off so my posts are kind off all over the place aha!

legit whatever strikes my fancy TBH haha sometimes i get asks that i love but i cant think of anything for them and i save them for some other time if something stikes my inspo. but usually if i can think of something that has more than one word answer and makes me smile i pick that one! sometimes i even come back to an ask i didnt wanna do cause i RANDOMLY THOUGHT OF A GOOD SCRIPT or somehting hahaha

ahhh i love exploring characters different from myself!! i mean i love writing these awkward boys who use silly lingo cause i too am super awkward and use silly lingo BUT i dont play overwatch or listen to the smiths or wanna major in music theory but i feel like michael would like all these things sooo,,, its been fun exploring new things because i want to know more about them for this blog specifically. i dont want to settle on something being their fav just cause i know about it i guess and im having fun with it

it also is nice to explore thingS ive dealt with myself through these boys in a healthy way using what ive learnt about myself and others. i deal with dependency issues and i always read michael as having them as well? but i didnt deal with them in a healthy manner for a while and ive learnt how to be better about it. and just ,,, being able to help these fictional boys in a way i struggled with is really refreshing and helps me a lot

aaa sorry i mostly just, enjoy exploring issues that i can grow in myself while also trying to get a grasp on these boys if that makes any sense?

at the moment no, i already reached out to a few people to ask them to do asks, and i do have a kinda story i wanna get to so,,, at the moment im all set on guest artists! i might do another round a little later tho!

i have not been intentionally but i have a lot of friends on the spectrum and am all for headcanons for michael and jeremy as well! i base a lot of my scripts and way of speaking and how they deal with situation on how ive seen friends of mine and myself react so!! i myself am not on the spectrum but i can see both jeremy and michael being autistic !! rock on anon

usually around an hour or two since i do multiple panels ahaha but if its one like the michael in the bathroom one or the childhood one i defs spent three or four hours on those bad boys,,,, i chose a very easy to do art style for this blog so i could work on my expressions and scripts and poses and get them done quick without worrying too much about how finished things look and hoo wee go past me cause ,,, i would not have as many posts as i do now slash i PROBs would have gave up 3 asks in hoooo boyyy

ye lol

like,,,, only a month ago woops i saw a cute shippy headcanon and i was like oh wait fuck these boys are cute. then i listened to the musical and was very blindsided by the entire plot omg but!! im glad im here!!

mostly because i wanted u to be able to tell who was talking! soemtimes my handwriting is small or my pic is big so jeremy ans michael will talk like this back to back

i ate a big corndog the other day HE SURE DID why do u sound proud im the one who ate the big corndog IM JUST A SUPPORTIVE BRO

and when they talk like that i needed a way to show who was speaking? aaaa i made theirs contrast the most since they are in the most asks together! as for everyone else i kinda just do whatever im feeling hahaha

i was gunna do something like a winky face or be like maybeee~ but imma just say ye man. i love boyf riends and im workin on a little plot to get these boyos together and happy!

ALSO I DIDNT GET AN ASK ABOUT IT BUt peopl have dmed me their headcanons or post ideas and im going to say it now in bold and caps

I DONT DO ANGST FOR THE SAKE OF ANGST if i end up posting sad things its because its what the boys are feelin in a story line but for the most part this is a happy happy blog. i have a lot of shit going on in my own life and i know some people use their ask blogs or art to draw out their venting and that is very good and healthy usually and i support you! but that isnt my way of coping and this blog will not have angst. dont prompt me for angst homies and stop trying to throw triggers out there to make me make a sad post. there are a lot of good blogs than can fill ur bmc angst needs!! 

AND LASTLY CAUSE YE IMMA POST A BUNCH CAUSE THEY MADE ME SMILE :

I am SO OVERHWLEMED AND EMOTIONAL ABOUT ALL THE SUPPORT IVE GOTTEN ON THIS BLOG,,,, i went into this fandom in a really bad place and really lonely and really hating my art and idk it wasnt good but!!! making this blog is helping me grow a lot on my own as an artist but also everyone else enjoying it as much as i am ??? i die every timeee aaaaaa yall what th heckkkkk,,,,, 

THANK U SO MUCH EVERYONE I APPRECIATE U ALL A LOT??? im glad ur enjoying my silly askblog idk im emotional im sorry aaa

hope i keep u guys entertained and u enjoy where i take these two!

there were some asks that were sent to me that i plan to answer soon in the form of asks so i didnt answer them but thank u for sending me questions guys!! 

[rusa-moved]

5, 9, 18, 29, & 44 (

5-Coke or Pepsi

Coke.  Pepsi is too sweet for me idk

9-What’s your dream job?

Artist/Comic artist.  :D I’ve already had a few commissions so I’m on my way!!

18-Obsession?

Art supplies.  It’s a problem.  There’s this store in the Chicago area called Blick’s.  It’s…I can’t leave there without buying SOMETHING.  Currently Mob Psycho 100 as far as fandom lol

29-Worst mistake?

Ah.  This question gave me something to think about.  I know what I consider my worst mistake but I was more…hesitant on how honest I wanted to be.  But fair’s fair.  So it’s gonna be a long one.  But essentially…I’m a shitty friend.

Uh…warning for those who need it: Suicide, suicide attempts, death, alcohol, abuse, eating disorder, self harm

I’m going to give some context.  Not…as an excuse.  Maybe as an excuse.  Or maybe just to….I don’t know.  I actually…haven’t ever told anybody this in full.

My mother was an alcoholic.  I say was because she’s dead now.  Alcohol got her in the end and honestly?  I don’t miss her.  I’m still angry.  

I’m the oldest out of 5 kids, two of which are autistic.  One is higher functioning, the other is not.  One of them is schizophrenic, as well.  The youngest of us is 12 years younger than me.  Regardless, routine was very important.  So it fell on me.  Bathing them, feeding them, dispensing medications, helping with homework and getting them ready in the morning for school.  My dad is a workaholic.  He was largely absent.  He would leave before we woke up and come home after we went to bed.  We only saw him on the weekends.  So, beyond financial support, I was the only parent.  And it kinda fucked me up.

Sometimes my dad would ‘work’ from home.  After her death we found out it was only when she threatened to kill herself as a plea for attention.

I never wanted my siblings to have to deal with this so I took the brunt willingly. I would usher them upstairs when she got bad.  I’d host ‘movie nights’ in the basement until she passed out and it was safe for them to go upstairs.

Through all of this art and writing became my one ‘healthy’ outlet.  I ended up being invited to a TMNT roleplay back on Gaia Online.  And I made two really awesome friends.  They were really understanding and eventually we traded IM messages, then phone numbers.  They let me vent to them and they…cared.  Which was really big when my irl friends never asked why I…was the way I was.

I wasn’t in school at this time(just graduated high school), didn’t have a job, no car or license.  So my entire day revolved around dealing with my mother, taking care of my siblings and drawing/writing.  And talking to them.

After a while…things got bad.  I stopped eating, I was sleeping 12 hours a day, I had…picked up some bad habits just to cope (some I am still struggling with).  Broken glass.  She had broken a lightbulb and didn’t tell me till I stepped on soe shards.  I kept a few of the pieces.  Just in case.  We lived by a forest, too.  Had some rope in the garage.  This way I didn’t have to worry about my siblings finding me.  I didn’t want them to go through that.  I couldn’t even stand up for more than 10 mins.  It was…. it was really bad.

I started taking it out on my friends.  They kept me afloat.  Kept me from drowning.  And I was manipulative.  I was really really manipulative.  I needed them but I…used them?  I’m not sure how to word it.  But… I turned into my mother in those moments.

I was terrible.  I was god awful and I will legitimately never forgive myself.  Nobody should have to go through that.  I would not wish that on any one.  And I, of all people, should have known better.  It was the same shit I was going through but I turned it around and lashed out.

Eventually they had enough.  They cut ties, stopped responding.  And I am so proud of them.  They took care of themselves.  They did what was needed for them.  I’m just…so so proud of them.  And so thankful they did that.  I was absolute shit and they removed that.  They didn’t need that shit in their lives and they took care of it.

It’s been years.  And I want to apologize.  I want to say I’m sorry.  No excuses, no explanations.  Just “I’m so sorry and I’m so proud of you”.  I’ve written emails in the past but never sent them.  I’m honestly…scared that it would hurt them again.  I don’t want to bring up painful memories or hurt them again.  And it’s been years.  Even if I tried now I probably couldn’t find them.

I really hurt two people who were trying to help me.  They cared for me and loved me.  That is my worst mistake.  One I can never take back or make amends.  It is my biggest regret.

well.  There you have it.  My worst mistake.  One that I am constantly trying to fix.  I want to be a good person and I never want to hurt anybody ever again.  I never want to be like her, I never want to make anybody hurt like that ever again.  Nothing I went through excuses what I did.  They say ‘everybody makes mistakes’ but…this is mine.  This is what I did and I will always own up to that.  I will never deny what I did, no matter what light it puts me in.

I rarely get people asking me for those ask memes so I usually don’t read them through lol.

Oh.  Uh…I’ll post #44 later today, lol.  I’m gonna...just take a break from tumblr till tonight lol.

[yaoibrained]

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