#this is v short but i spent wayyyyy too long on it

[ofthecaravel]

You Don't Go To Parties

A Danny Wagner/Sam Kiszka fic

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

Summary: Danny hates going to parties with Sam. It's Sam he likes.

Tags: Pining, angsttttt, fluff, the girls are fightingggg

Words: 3.3k

A/N: ...hi. I don't know. Nothing wild, just a little conflict and then conflict resolution. Inspired by 'You Don't Go To Parties' by 5SOS (which you should really listen to while you read it.)

Let me know what you think!

~~~

It was the evening of Sam’s 21st birthday, but Danny already knew he was a cruel drunk. 

He had grown accustomed to a routine. They’d show up at the party together, Sam would stick like him to glue through his first and second drinks, staring up at him with doe eyes and a smile Danny had learned to associate with disappointment.  By his third drink, he was halfway across the house draped over a girl he had never met, most times leaving without telling Danny. But it was worse when he did see him before he left, when they’d make eye contact while Sam was leaving. He’d bring the girl to his lips once before slipping out the door, never peeling his eyes away, leaving Danny clenching his jaw and wondering why in the hell it made him feel so sick. Danny could’ve told him he didn’t want to go to parties anymore, but it was hard to say no to Sam. Sometimes, it was hard for him to say anything at all to Sam. 

Luckily, this party was at Sam’s house, so it was far less likely for him to disappear completely. Danny had been helping set up since the morning because, in typical Kiszka fashion, Sam had waited until the day of his birthday to actually get any party stuff together. But Danny didn’t mind. He liked ferrying Sam around from store to store, listening to him chatter from the passenger seat with his legs on the dash and a cigarette bobbing between his lips while he yelled at passing cars. He liked their bickering back and forth while he hung streamers in all the high places Sam couldn’t reach, with Sam complaining and blowing hot air into balloons all with a grin on his face. 

“You just like putting me to work,” Danny accused after Sam had curled up on the couch with a mountain of balloons on his lap that he claimed kept him from getting up to show Danny exactly where he wanted things. 

“Absolutely I do,” Sam agreed, tossing a slow moving balloon at him. “And you love the work.”

“You’re the real work,” Danny said in faux exasperation.

“Exactly,” Sam affirmed.

Danny rolled his eyes and turned back to the crepe strand in his hands, pretending to be annoyed. But it was true, wasn’t it? 

He had a feeling Sam sort of knew that he loved him in a way that he didn’t like to think about. Maybe he had known from a very early point and decided it didn’t need to be acknowledged, and Danny was more than happy with that. He planned on going the rest of his life without letting Sam in on a few key feelings he harbored towards him. Sam was his best friend. But there were some things that he didn’t need to hear. Danny worked to make his life as easy as possible, and keeping him out of the loop on some aspects of his inner monologue was among the easiest of tasks. 

“This party is going to be the party of all parties,” Sam piped up from behind him, bringing back the lighthearted atmosphere. 

“You’re going to be the drunkest man in Michigan,” Danny laughed. 

“In the United States, more like.”

“In the northern hemisphere.”

“In the world!” Sam argued determinedly. “How dare you doubt me.”

“Whatever, man, but I’m not cleaning up your puke,” Danny teased. “Again.”

“That was one time,” Sam grumbled. “Let it go already, God.”

“Never,” Danny grinned. “And no tattoos!” 

“You’re no fun.”

“How many people did you even invite?”

“Everyone,” Sam replied, a smile in his voice that Danny didn’t need to look to know was there. 

“Lord have mercy on your security deposit.”

“Party of all parties, man,” Sam echoed. “Just you wait.”

By the time the sun had faded and the house had reached full capacity, it really did seem like Sam had invited everyone they knew. Or maybe everyone in the world. It was shoulder to shoulder, a sea of smoke and laughs and liquor heavy breath that Danny couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose at. Danny always got a rush being swept up in the chaos that Sam brought to his life, and he had no problem being pleasantly buzzed and chatting up all his friends. However, after a few hours, he was sweaty and a little dizzy and his social battery was starting to drain faster and faster. As he looked out over the crowds, he just wanted his best friend. He thought about how quickly Sam had shot down his idea of getting drunk and hanging out on the roof, just the two of them.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Sam had scoffed. “It’s a big birthday. It has to be special.”

Danny had laughed and agreed, even though the idea had seemed pretty special to him. He knew what Sam meant, of course, but he replayed a daydream of what it might be like if they had just laid out under the night sky and a cool breeze and talked until the sun came up as he looked around for him. He managed to track down Jake and Josh, but they were as high as Mars and had no clue where Sam had gone off to. Danny was pretty sure they didn’t have a clue about much of anything as he listened to them squabble and pass a blunt back and forth, so he bid them a polite goodbye and kept searching.

On a whim, Danny wandered upstairs. The guest rooms reserved for Jake and Josh had been firmly locked to prevent any hookups, but Sam’s room was open just a crack. When Danny lightly opened the door, he could see the glow of the lamp on his bedside table and the window open. The light of the lamp lent him some vision in the pitch black of the late night, and he saw a familiar head reclined against the slope of the roof and the smell of cigarette smoke tinting the air. Danny let himself in, navigating the familiar layout of the room easily in the dark. He stuck his head out the window, holding back a sigh at the feel of the cool air against the sweat that had settled on his skin. And there was Sam, laid out against the weathered shingles with his hands behind his head and a cigarette stuck to his bottom lip.

“I thought you said this would be no fun,” Danny said quietly and Sam smiled with his eyes closed, as quiet and somber as Danny had ever seen him. Awake, that is. 

“’s not so bad,” Sam hummed, his foot tapping to an unheard rhythm. “Join me?”

It was a command (it was never a request if it was coming from Sam) so Danny hauled his tall frame through the window in a practiced way that never failed to scrape his knee ever so slightly. He left a foot of space between them, stretching out to be as comfortable as he could be on the scratchy surface. It was the warmest April on record, but the chill of the night air still made his skin prickle. Still, it was far more refreshing than the cramped, steamy environment in the house that thrummed below them.

“How is it in there?” Sam asked after a minute of silence.

“Hot,” Danny answered, flipping through his senses. “Loud. Everybody’s in good spirits. You were right, it’s the party of all parties.”

“Good, good,” Sam murmured agreeably, taking a long pull of his cigarette and sending a big plume of smoke up. Danny watched it to prevent himself from turning to try and read Sam’s expression.

“How long have you been up here?” Danny asked tentatively.

“Mmm,” Sam pondered, his foot tapping a little faster. “45 minutes? Hour?”

“Why?”

Danny heard the fabric of Sam’s jacket scrape noisily against the shingles as he shrugged, and he was just drunk enough to be annoyed at his lack of explanations.

“Are you feeling okay?” Danny pried further and Sam laughed mysteriously through his closed lips, finally lolling his head to the side and opening his eyes. His pupils were big and his lashes were starry and suddenly Danny felt all the alcohol in his veins slam into him all at once. His fingers curled against the air, holding onto nothing.

“You’re my best friend,” Sam breathed.

“You’re high,” Danny replied, deciding it as he said it, watching the frantic way Sam’s eyes leapt over his face. There was no other explanation for it.

“You were right,” Sam continued. “This is special.”

“I don’t know,” Danny laughed weakly, feeling heat rise in his cheeks. “This is a mostly one sided conversation.”

“Ask me anything,” Sam slurred, turning fully onto his side, cradling his head against his hands curled under his ear. “Quick, before I wake up.”

“What?”

“Before I’m sober,” Sam giggled. “You know what I mean. I’ll be honest.”

“I thought you were always honest,” Danny retorted. “You pride yourself on it.”

“I’m a liar.”

“Alright, fine,” Danny agreed, his heart racing. “Why aren’t you downstairs?”

“I don’t like parties,” Sam whispered conspiratorially. Danny barked a laugh.

“You love parties! You drag me to one damn near every weekend. You’ve been plotting this one since last year.”

“I love having an excuse to get drunk,” Sam explained, his words still blending. “I love being able to disappear in a crowd. I love making connections with zero risk.”

“You love leaving early to go fuck randoms,” Danny sneered, his lip curling. 

“Yeah,” Sam chuckled breathily. “I especially love never talking to them again.”

“Why?”

“It’s easier.”

“Than what? Actually committing to something?”

“100 times easier,” Sam agreed. 

“I guess,” Danny said, not wanting to linger on the topic of Sam waking up in a different bed every weekend. He thought about it enough already. “If you hate parties so much, then why do you always go?”

“You always say yes when I ask,” Sam answered plainly. Danny squinted at him.

“Sam, I fucking hate going to parties with you.”

There it was. He’d been dying to say it, and he felt the sting of it on his tongue as it left his mouth. And yet, Sam didn’t even flinch, a smile still ghosting his lips, his eyes happy and blank.

“I know,” Sam whispered. 

“I know you know,” Danny snapped. “So, why?”

“Because I like that…” Sam trailed off, flipping onto his stomach to take a final drag of his cigarette and smother it against the windowsill. “I like that we go together.”

“What?”

“I like that you always show up 5 minutes early,” Sam continued, resting his chin in his hand, his elbow digging into the asphalt. “Because you know I’ll be late. I like that you honk the horn and threaten to drive away, but never do. I like that we go halfsies on the music we listen to on the way there, even if it’s only a 10 minute drive.”

Sam paused, his eyes closing and his mouth cracking a dreamy smile. 

“I like that people know that we’re going to be there together so they leave us alone for that first hour,” Sam went on, Danny’s stomach flipping. “I like…I like that there are people around that know I’m a lightweight so they don’t look twice when I’m all up in your business.”

“Sam, stop,” Danny whispered. He felt sick. He didn’t know why.

“I like that you stay, even when I go,” Sam persisted, his voice soft. “I like that you look for me in the crowd when I run away.”

“Stop,” Danny repeated, covering his eyes with his arm, staring up into the weight of his skin against his burning eyes. He felt drunker than he knew he was. “You’re being mean.”

“I’m being honest,” Sam disagreed. “Better late than never.”

“I don’t even know what you’re saying,” Danny laughed, tipping his head back ever so slightly so that any tears that pushed their way out would slip back into his lash line. 

“I’m just saying that parties are better than being alone with you sometimes,” Sam said, and Danny took it like an arrow in the gut. He took his arm off his face and sat up suddenly, glaring at Sam.

“So I’m not your best friend,” Danny spat, hurt. “I’m just your fucking lapdog?”

Sam blinked in surprise. Danny threw the look right back at him.

“What?” Sam slurred, and Danny could’ve strangled him over it. 

“You don’t like hanging out with me?”

“No, that’s not-”

“That’s what it fucking sounds like!”

They had both sobered up in five seconds flat, staring at each other fiercely.

“Just forget it,” Sam said hurriedly, raking his fingers through his hair in an anxious practice Danny had seen since middle school. “I’m drunk. I’m sorry.”

“No, no, say what you mean, Sammy,” Danny hissed, a bubble of suppressed frustration rising to the surface. “Tell me what you really think of me. That you just like having a yes-man to follow you around. That’s what you meant, right?”

Every insecurity Danny had had in their friendship had been unleashed, and Sam sputtered wordlessly as Danny’s face flushed angrily.

“Say it!”

God, Danny hated fucking parties.

“I can’t!” Sam yelled, his voice shrieking in a desperate way that Danny had never heard, and it caught him so off guard he physically recoiled. Sam swallowed and looked out over the tops of the houses, his skin lit up golden in the lamplight and his profile so painfully pretty that Danny wanted to roll right off the roof to avoid looking at it. 

“This is a perfect example of why I have to leave you at parties when I’m drunk,” Sam finally said, his voice oddly thick with emotion as he laughed tunelessly. “I’m bound to say something dumb and ruin everything.”

“So say the dumb thing,” Danny replied. “I’d rather you say it than we pretend like this never happened.”

Sam looked down at the space between them. It felt like miles.

“I’m scared to be alone with you sometimes, that’s all,” Sam murmured.

“Why?” Danny asked for the millionth time in the past 10 minutes. 

“I just…” Sam tried to meet his eye but couldn’t, instead stopping halfway and staring at the fervent thrum of a heartbeat in Danny’s throat. “I just worry that I’m going to start something.”

“Like…a fight?”

“Like a-a something. I don’t know what it would be. But it would be different and scary. And I know you’re scared of it too.”

All the breath rushed out of Danny’s lungs. He couldn’t quite grasp what he was hearing. He was certain he was just interpreting it to be what he wanted to hear.

“Then you know that maybe I…” Danny’s mouth had never felt so dry. “I want it too.”

“I know you do,” Sam said quietly. “I’m not stupid. I wish you’d just say it.”

For a minute, they just listened to the muffled sounds of the party still raging below, frozen in their place.

“I like you, Sam,” Danny croaked, barely audible. “A lot. Is that-”

“Yeah,” Sam cut him off, his lips finally tilting up ever so slightly. “How long?”

“Forever,” Danny breathed, meaning it. The word hung in the air for so long that they could almost see it. Finally, Sam looked up at him, somehow shy. Danny didn’t know he could be shy.

“You?”

“Not forever,” Sam admitted, his pupils still huge, his eyes round and doll-like in the dark. “High school, maybe. I don’t know. I tried not to think about it.”

“Same,” Danny chuckled, the relief rushing through him. It had to be 4 or 5 am now, but he had never been more awake. “I don’t even know what it is sometimes.”

“I don’t blame you,” Sam laughed too, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his cheek against his knee. “I’m a lot.”

“Nah,” Danny whispered, reaching out and playfully punching Sam in the shoulder, even that briefest of contact setting his skin on fire. “Nothing I can’t handle.”

Sam gave him another shy smile, and Danny realized that he was quickly becoming addicted to this bashful version of Sam that was revealing itself. 

“Hey,” Danny said, harnessing another rush of adrenaline and scooting closer to Sam, who tensed ever so slightly when Danny’s leg brushed against his shoe. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks,” Sam rolled his eyes with a grin. “You wanna know something weird?”

“I don’t think anything will ever be weirder than the conversation we just had,” Danny pointed out and Sam full on laughed, his smoky breath puffing a cloud in the chilly air. 

“That’s so true,” Sam agreed, his eyes still glittering with uncried tears that had bloomed during Danny’s yelling spell. “But the weird thing is I’ve actually sort of wished for this. I mean, not this exact scenario, but the past couple years on my birthday, when I blow out the candles, I always wish that I’ll finally get the balls to say something to you.”

“Really?” Danny asked quietly and Sam nodded, finding himself relaxing under Danny’s stare for the first time in a really, really long time.

“You’re my best friend,” Sam repeated, echoing his drunken declaration. 

“You’re mine,” Danny agreed, his breath hitching in his throat as he cautiously drifted his face closer to Sam, who nervously glanced at his lips before making eye contact again. 

“Yeah,” Sam breathed, looking down at Danny’s lips again, his heart slamming so fast it stole all his breath. He tilted his chin out and batted his lashes, wishing that one of them would just take the leap. He watched Danny’s eyes dance over him in the careful, needy way that he was so used to.

“Can you promise me one thing?” Danny asked, so close that the warmth of his breath fanned over the high planes of Sam’s cheekbones. 

“Sure,” Sam agreed blindly, a little desperately.

“Don’t invite me to any more parties,” Danny begged, knitting his dark brows. “And don’t go home with anyone else ever again.”

“That’s two things,” Sam teased, reaching a brave hand up and cupping Danny’s cheek. His skin was red hot and Sam’s cool fingertips melted against it, his fingers drifting into the wild curls at Danny’s temple as his thumb swiped over the apple of his cheek.

“Promise me,” Danny whined, his arm snaking over Sam’s waist, his large hand resting gingerly on the sharp bones of Sam’s hip, almost afraid that too much pressure would crush him. 

“I promise,” Sam murmured as the space between them finally closed when Danny leaned over and caught Sam’s lips in a gentle, nervous kiss. It was Sam who applied the pressure, sitting up further and slotting their noses together while he lightly dug his nails into his skin, drinking in the lingering scent of Danny’s cologne and the sharp, weedy sweetness on his tongue. 

Danny, on the other hand, was convinced he was dreaming. Sam’s sleek waves of chestnut hair kept grazing his cheek, his head spinning when he caught a whiff of the pricey coconut shampoo he used and boasted about religiously. His lips were as smooth and soft as Danny had daydreamed about, and when he nipped his bottom lip between his teeth experimentally, he chuckled with satisfaction when Sam let out a muffled yelp and hum. He grasped Sam’s hip firmer and pulled him over onto his lap, moving him as easily as if he were made of paper, but they broke apart with a start when a shingle skidded under Sam’s hand. 

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this on the roof,” Danny panted and Sam laughed, nodding in agreement but making no move to climb off of him, instead wrapping his arm around Danny’s neck and pushing a stray curl off his face. There was something unspoken between them where they both knew damn well that they’d stay up on the roof until the first rosy rays of dawn started to peek over the skyline.

And as he looked up at the beautiful boy in his lap, Danny had never been so happy to not be at a party.   

~~

A/N: Questions? Comments? Concerns? I'd be happy to keep writing every once in a while if y'all wanted. No smut, though...

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