#this is the ugliest thing I've ever posted on this blog

[girbirty]

the weird and fucked up brothers (affectionate)

[godlike-enigma]

°•*⁀➷ INTRODUCING MYSELF ! ˘͈ᵕ˘͈

bani ☆ she/her ☆ entp 5w4 ☆ minor (𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗹𝘆 18+ 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘀 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗺𝗲) // side blog: @ilubeau

HI GUYS !! i post daydreaming-related stuff here but it's also kind of a mix of everything, i'll also post anime related stuff, i'll never really stick to just one thing but what i CAN tell you i'll be sticking to is my centrecosm mostly (my main paracosm, i'm staying loyal to the one i've been building for the past 4 years) it's also a blanket paracosm so there's loads of subcosms inside it but at the end of the day it's linear and takes place chronologically.

i have a few paracosms here and there so that's why i call myself a paracosmist but really and all they'll never compare to my main one. ಠ_ಠ

❤︎ this is a safe place for all madders (ง'̀-'́)ง, i really wanna make friends that are passionate with opening up about their little daydreaming worlds, i'll listen to you yap about it all day long.

PLEASE DO SEND QUESTIONS ABOUT MY PARACOSM(S) OR ABOUT YOURS !! i'll always reply ^-^

MY CENTRECOSM ✧

i have 60 paras (characters). yes. you heard that right. SIXTY. i have a whole pinterest board on it and i update it regularly -

https://pin.it/4Yvd42Asm

also yeah i'm a microcelebrity on pinterest idk if you've seen me around but yeah wtvr 😭😭 ALRIGHT LEMME GIVE YOU GUYS A LIL SYNOPSIS ! (i've never done one it's kinda scary)

my paracosm consists of 50 Gods, 4 archdemons, 4 archangels and God themself (God doesn't have a gender) and 5 monotheistic Gods, my paracosm has its own lore of different mythologies. greek, norse, and egyptian mythology. fiction has no limits, so i can bend it to fit my desires, i LOOOOOVE mythologies of all kinds, so i made my own lore using the names you see on the pinterest board. all of the Gods have the same power and no ones more powerful than each other except for God and Satan. the Gods are the most beautiful, ethereal, alluring individuals in heaven. Satan made it so that whenever someone who is not a God sees a God's appearance, they physically feel like they can't say anything. this is to prevent any romantic relationships. so whenever, for example, a human who is granted permission sees them, obviously, their initial reaction would be shock and the need to compliment them. right when they're about to do that, they start to feel choked up like they can't get the words out. it'll go on like that until they give up. the gods have noticed that a lot of the time when they show their selves to other people and they start reacting like that.. they start thinking its because they're ugly or something. LMFAOO, they'll be like "damn i'm THAT ugly???" and its so ironic bc they're actually trying to tell them they're more than beautiful, but they CAN'T because of Satan. he has a lot of unreasonable rules, and the Gods just put up with it because they appointed him as the leader whilst God is gone, so they kind of did to themselves... to put it in a nutshell, the Gods have never been complimented. like. ever. so 😭 its only factual that they'd feel like they're the ugliest individual alive. Satan is currently acting as the overseer of the Gods whilst God is away, so he gets to do whatever he wants to. the Gods are the main characters, the archdemons and archangels are side characters, Satan is the antagonist, and God is... mysterious. they don't pop up. ever. so the Gods just assume they don't like them. i can go on and on about this, but i feel like i'm yapping too much ... this isn't even 0000.5% of the story. sorry, guys, this is a really bad summary, but trust me, you'll find out more about it if you follow through with my posts 🙏🏽

tags i'll use (＞﹏＜) :

#𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗱 -> posts that are not daydreaming-related

#𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗶'𝘀 𝘆𝗮𝗽 𝘀𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 -> original posts

#𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗱 𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁 -> vents about madd

#𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗯𝘆𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗶 -> art i make about my paracosm or anime and stuff

[degenderates]

ok fuck it. ranking covers of a home at the end of the world by michael cunningham because guys some of these covers slap and some of them are the ugliest shit i've ever seen. this is the kind of post i would have used to make back in my tiktok days but there's no way im opening that app by my own will again. so mutuals read this post.

last place/ugliest cover first.

the stock photo. literally what is going on here. the font is practically unreadable and makes no sense. the image itself looks like someone pulled it right off shutterstock. its giving my middle school vsco account. why are there three women on the front? the story is primarily about two guys and one girl. i mean there is a second female pov but she's not part of the polycule. font is clean but ugly. bye.

the movie poster one. i have so much beef with this cover, even as a movie poster. they literally took three screenshots of the movie and overlayed them into a weird collage type thingy. why is colin farrell standing like that?? why is the character jonathan in the back?? it's giving disney channel. it's giving early 00s--in a bad way. no rights at all. 🍅🍅🍅

the perks of being a wallflower one. i guess there was a craze for late 90s books to have typewriter font in the middle of a minimalistic cover?? i hate minimalistic, abstract covers. you could choose to tell us something about the book but no. here is an orange circle and a black circle. okay.

the modern cover (i assume). i like the watercolor and how it's not too busy but there's still a discernable image (unlike a CERTAIN cover i just discussed...🙄). the font kind of fucks up the whole thing though. it doesn't match the vibes of the book at all. it's very new-adult-romance and just feels off. because yeah technically the book is about new adults and their relationship drama but it's not this...cute.

the uk cover (?). the quality of this image sucks but i literally could only find it on abebooks.co.uk so. it's not bad, just really busy. the font has a shadow so it can be readable but that makes it feel even more cluttered. i like how the angel statue makes an appearance, but all the colors and how bright it is just makes it feel like a little too much.

the color burned one. honestly while i like the vibes i'm not quite sure who this lady is supposed to be. that looks like a wing so she's probably the white angel statue, but she looks too human. and angels aren't different colors like that. i like how this is simple and black, very classy. but ultimately it doesn't really make a lot of sense.

the grey one. this is simple, but nice. it's dark but with light shining behind the house--a nice balance of hardships but also hope, which fits the story. there's a swingset, which makes sense given the story is about growing up, in a sense. and there might have been a swingset at the actual house in the book. can't remember. the font is clean. a little sci-fi/futuristic for my taste but that's alright i guess. this is the cover i have. i guess i should be lucky it's not one of the previous ones but i really wish i had the next one...

the first edition. look it's classy. it's gothic. the angel is there. the sky looks like it could be ohio or nyc. there's powerlines. the font is stylish but not over the top. it's not too bright. it's slaying. one of my favorite things about this cover is how it emphasizes the angel, because the book itself was written around michael cunningham's seminal short story "white angel" which i have talked about a lot on this blog. it also is in a similar pose to the actual angel statue it was based on, the black angel of iowa city (shown below). i'm a fan. i wish i had this cover soooo bad<333

~~~

overall thoughts: most of these covers are kind of shitty lol. this book deserves better</3 if one of y'all live in the US, dont care much about covers, and want a free copy of this book i'll send my copy (the grey cover) to you for free just so i can buy the top ranked one on ebay lol. anyways if u got to the end and found this at all entertaining, tell me so. this was fun to do except when tumblr deleted the whole thing and i had to remake the entire post!!! lol!!!! and y'all should read this book because it's very good and very messy queer and i adore it deeply. <3

[sclfmastery]

I think that distancing from pieces of media that affect you mentally is a good thing. I think that you will always be in mental turmoil until you are in the Who writing room, and that is really worrying. I've been worried reading your posts.

Hey I appreciate that! But don't worry about my relationship with my favorite media. I mean, of course I'm cutting out what's upsetting me anyway, as planned, but it's not my chief issue. I am having problems but they derive from real life (unfortunately, because that is harder to fix). My lack of emotional resilience as a result of that daily drain has made me respond more strongly to forms of escapism that used to help me cope with ongoing irl stressors. More about this under the read-more because it's quite personal but I suspect you are one of my close friends who's afraid to address this face-to-face, and I don't want to worry you (although I do hope you'll find the courage to talk to me as yourself at some point <3 ).

My mom has been diagnosed with what is essentially a terminal illness (it's not one that kills you right away, or even within a few years, but the decline is inevitable). This is on top of a multitude of personal and professional losses since COVID19 hit, and brought to the fore the ugliest ableist side of humanity.

I am struggling with the fact that, unlike others, because of my compromised immune system, I cannot "reenter society and live my life." I cannot just go to the grocery. I cannot just go to a festival or concert or even an indoor movie. I have to work from home (as a college educator), which has severely limited progress on my career. The only places I go in person are my doctors or my mom's, since she can no longer drive. My dad is only minimally in the picture.

It's not all bad. I'm dating someone who is wonderful and kind and there is potential there for a long-term commitment, maybe even marriage, maybe even kids someday. My fur babies are always a comfort. But my own health is in perpetual decline, and it's harder than it's ever been. That is what you've been sensing: I've been venting about things it's "safe" to be upset about, on my relatively anonymous fandom blogs.

I don't want to worry you. I hope this has been of some comfort <3

[strawberries-and-summer-days]

A NOT SO MEET CUTE ‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅

| percy jackson x popstar au

| au masterlist ☽

summary: the first time you and percy meet isn't the best of circumstances and opinions are formed

warnings: swearing and i think thats just about it!

a/n: *in announcer voice* hello and welcome to my first au series, percy and the popstar - help the first time i thought of that my mind went to 'the princess and the popstar' 😭 - im using gracie, masie peters and taylor swift lyrics and faceclaims because im unoriginal as shit :) so if i've used a ts lyric and she's also liked a post lets just collectively ignore that okay!! anyway its unedited but i hope you enjoy! <3 lemme know what you think!!

~~~

percy jackson is famous.

ok thats putting it lightly, percy jackson is extremely famous. in fact he is one of the youngest million-almost-billion-aires in the world. the twenty-two year old has an incredible influence on the world. how he got famous? no one really knows.

maybe its the fact that society drops at the feet of any good-looking rich boy. or maybe he actually did work for it like the rest of the word, we'll never know.

but.

y/n l/n is even more famous.

she's a force to be reckoned with, taking the world by storm with her music and setting the industry alight with her influence. she's got power, beauty and talent and she's not afraid to show it, the recently-turned twenty-one year old has turned the world on its head. case and point; her world tour that she's embarked on. y/n l/n switched things up and instead of starting in the u.s she's finishing here in good ol' new york!

l/n has one final show in florida and two more in boston and then we welcome her home to nyc.

why am i writing an article about y/n l/n and percy jackson i hear you ask? because the young celebrities were both spotted at a high end restaurant in florida, whether they were actually together or not remains to be discovered...

~~~

"would you put your phone down?" lia sighs, setting down an iced coffee in front of you. "you've been staring at that article all morning- its not even a credible source. its probably just some random high schooler blogging."

"i know," you huff and glare at her when she steals your phone from you. "but seriously? percy jackson? come on! i've never even met the guy."

"ooh he is yummy," lia says looking at your phone, at the photo of percy that was pasted at the top of the article. "i mean, ew yucky, he's like the ugliest person ever, i definitely don't want to bang him."

"bang him?" you laugh. "please for the love of god, never say that again."

lia just shrugs and picks up her own coffee taking a sip. "it's trueee."

sighing you lean back into your seat and look around the extravagant living room you're both currently resting in. its a few hours before you have to start getting ready for your final show here in florida and you can feel the anticipation starting to build under your skin.

"omigoshlookatthis," lia shrieks shoving your phone into your face.

"are you seriously stalking his instagram right now?" you raise your eyebrows at her.

"what? as i said he. is. hot."

your eyes flick quickly over his instagram not really seeing the appeal - sure he's good looking in a noticeable, obvious kinda way - but all he seems to post is pictures of him and how rich he is. ugh. be more creative - his insta is like every other boys. shirtless pics and vacations.

then your eyes settle on one thing in particular. "wait! you followed him?"

"shit," lia's eyes widen. "fuck this isn't going to help is it?"

"do something!" you shriek leaping off the couch. "do something! unfollow him! do something!"

"shit shit shit shit," lia cries as you both fly around the room in hysteria - you're both acting like teenage girls honestly - but at this point you don't care.

"fix it! fix it!"

"ok ok! done! i unfollowed him." lia's quiet for a moment and then she panics again. "ahhh fuck he's ONLINE!"

"noooooo! do you think he saw it?" you slap lia in the shoulder. "LIA!" hands shaking as you slump back down. "fuck. oh my god. this is going to be all over the internet."

"it'll be okay," lia comforts sitting down next to you. "it's not like you're famous or anything."

~~~

just now

yn.user followed you

"PERCY FUCKING JACKSON WHAT DID YOU DO?"

those aren't usually percy's favorite words. so when he hears grover yelling this from the hotel bathroom - why the bathroom? don't ask.

"what? what?" percy yells back.

"PERCY MOTHER FUCKING JACKSON WHAT DID YOU DO?" okayyy thats is definitely not good if luke was yelling at him too.

"WHAT?" percy yells back.

"PERCY-"

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU SAY WHAT DID YOU DO ONE MORE TIME-"

luke and grover both stalk into the living room with chris and clarisse hot on their heels all supporting bewildered looks on their faces.

"do you know y/n l/n?" grover asks narrowing his eyes.

"the singer right?" percy asks confused still.

"check your insta right now," clarisse jumps in.

percy still confused as ever pulls out his phone eyebrows nearly springing off his face when he sees the notification on insta.

"wait what?"

"y/n l/n followed you for like two minutes and then unfollowed you again. its all over twitter, instagram, everything - especially after that dumb article went around," luke explains.

"it doesn't matter," percy sighs chucking his phone back onto the couch beside him.

"uh yes it does!" grover practically yells. "do you know where we're all going tonight? to her concert! this is going to feed every horny teenage girls dream." grover shoots percy an exasperated look. "my god, the rumours and theories that are gonna come out after this is insane."

"who cares what people think about us? it isn't true. besides y/n is probably one of those girls."

"those girls?" clarisse asks her eye brows raised.

"y'know, pretentious little daddy's girls who clearly have everything handed to them on a silver platter? those girls."

"whatever you say dumbass," chris chuckles.

"we're going to that concert tonight, percy," grover says turning on him. "shit is going to hit the fan because of it, but we're going. because i paid a fortune for those tickets and clarisse and i really wanna see y/n."

"whatever you say buddy, whatever you say."

☾. ⋅

yn.official

liked by oliviarodrigo, sabrinacarpenter, lia.mandel and 342, 789 others

yn.official florida!!! is one hell of a drug! thank you so much for the love and support you've shown me these past few night florida!!! you've been an amazing audience and i can't wait to come back here 🤍🩵

view all comments

user1 omg omg best night of my lifeee

user2 is that a possible song lyric i see there???

user3 omfg it could be. the three !!! at the end of both floridas??

user4 everybody wake up y/n has posted!

user7 did anyone else see her follow percy jackson and then unfollow him??? no just me?

user6 holy shit yess i saw that

user5 i smell a new ship brewing

user8 WAIT didn't he go to last night's show??

user10 why isn't he waiting for the new york concerts? he lives there right? why go allll the way to florida?

user9 mother is mothering

☾. ⋅

"i told you this would happen!" you huff to lia when she walks into your bedroom a few mornings later. "my entire comment section has been filled with people questioning about percy! i've never even met the guy!"

lia who had been assigned the role - self-assigned - the role to get you out of bed just rolls her eyes and drags the covers off you. "i know as you keep saying. but there is nothing we can do about it- short from announcing that it was a mistake. no one will even believe that anyway, so just let it go."

reluctantly you leave the comfort of your bed and slip into the clothes lia had picked out, trailing after her like a lost puppy. this usually happens between concerts, you return home and rest in your bed (with lia more often than not) not leaving it unless you need to, then lia comes parading in and announces that you're going out and since you have little fight left in you - you always agree.

ignoring the countless paparazzi as you make your way into the cafe you listen to lia as she blabs on about how she's never going to forgive you for not telling her you were adding a new song to your setlist without telling her.

you're so wrapped up in your own head you don't even see the person in front of you until you're slamming into them. and they've spilt coffee down your front.

"ah shit."

"fuck sorry."

you look up and its none other than the percy jackson. well hey! you've officially met him now!

"you good?" percy asks glasses and a cap cover his face but you still recognise him - what? lia's obsessed. and you were subjected to listen about her love for him - and the tone of his voice already pissed off and bored. it's like he was concerned until the second he recognised you. rude.

he doesn't even spare you a second glance before he's flipping you off.

"excuse me?" you say pulling his hand down. "did you just flip me off?"

percy's face pulls into a smirk and you just look up at him in disgust, brush past him and say "whatever asshole." at the same time he says. "later bitch."

fucker you're both thinking.

☾. ⋅

☾. ⋅

TAGLIST‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ [if you're name is white it mean i couldn't tag you] @lauptimist, @itzmeme, @mariaaaaaahhhh, @paankhaleyaar, @maybxlle, @lara20aral [if you want to be added just let me know!]

[bimbinis]

Hey um?? I saw in your tags that you ship tara and spike and thats very... yikes. :/ you know tara identifies as a lesbian??? you know people like you are the reason lesbians are still getting killed???? you'r disgusting youre ABSOSOLUTELY DISGUSTING PLS CHOKE .

teshimeme laughs bc hes ticklish.  meanwhile tado is rubbing one hand along his thigh.  ao licks the side of his jaw and teshima groans that he wants to touch him.  tado asks if he’d like the ropes off and teshi says no its fine, he just needs to – he gets cut off at the feeling of ao nibbling his ear.  just dont stop, he squeaks.  ao moves down and kisses down his stomach and leaves hickeys all down his bod, tado’s got one hand around teshi’s waist and one still stroking TANTALIZINGLY close to his memberdick.  he takes note of the tent in teshi’s pants, asks how he’s feeling.  "good tadokokoro-san,“ he pants.  tado kisses his cheek.  ao nibbles his thighs.  he wishes someone would pay attention to his growing arrousal, he feels tado start to harden underneath him.  ao asks if he wants him, teshi says please.  ao kisses his dick and teshi groans, ao takes hes dick into his mouth and do the succ.  teshi is moaning and groaning, tado takes a huge bite from his neck and succ.  both sensations at once are blinding him.  finally tado comes off his neck ith a squelching sound and tells ao “he’s gonna cum in ten seconds if you keep that up.” so ao stops and teshi starts crying and begging for the succ back.  tado gently asks if he can hold on longer.  teshi nods.  he starts ranting that he can hold out a lot longer than aoyagi, he knows how to endure, he’s nervously laughing.  'that’s great,“ say taco, but tonites about u.  ao looks annoyed.  'sorry im babbling,’ teshi say, ‘u can just shut me up if u want, i dont mind.’ tado pinches his butt and says they’re gonna make it so he stops talking.  fun, says teshi.  tado gives teshi to ao for a moment, climbs off the bed, and slides off his undies.  i have something for you, he says, and shows teshi his hardening dickdick.  ao gasps, he and teshi share a look, this is a fantasy they both share.  'you want me to take… all of that?” teshi asks.  'think u can handle it?’ asks tado.  only one way to find out, teshi laughs.  tado pulls teshi back onto his lap and rolls him over, ao grabs some lubracation and sticks his fingers in teshis butt.  Every time teshi starts to say something his fingers curl and shut him up.  Tado holds him tight iwth one hand and helps ao finger him with the other.  teshi is gasping and moaning as they thrust in and out of him, tado reminds him he’s gonna have to be stretched wide enough to take his MONSTER COCK.  teshi begs for more.  so they thrust HARDER and MORE and while teshi is shaking and panting tado holds him close.  he feels really close to the edge.  he tries to say something but he cant form words.  finally when theyre finished stretching his butthold tado turns around and aoyagi gives him a kiss. junta leans into it hot and heavy and tado pulls him back and asks if he’s ready.  teshi can only nod.  tado places teshi down on his DICK. they take it slow till he’s all the way in, ao’s dick is pointing straiht up.  they both kiss him until tado invites ao on the human bullet train, ao gets on top of teshimem and theyre all thrusting and teshi tries yelling out their names but even that he has trouble with.  tado gives him something to do with his mouth by sticking his fingers in there.  teshi nibbles and succs but when tado thrusts into him he bites down hard.  ao moans as teshi is thrusted into him and bounces on teshi’s dick.  teshi’s eyes roll back and he starts moaning and drooling and his blind is blank, he feels like he’s being torn in two but its so, so good.  finally everything goes blank and all his muscles seize and he’s screaming in PLEASURE.  "and we have a winner!“ tado announces. "yayyy,” mutters aoyagi, still huffing.  tado comes next, pushing through teshi’s orgasm till hes cumming in his ass.  when they’re sure he’s finished ao pulls off and gives himself a final jerk to cum all over his stomach.    teshima is gasping, his face streaked with saliva and tears.  ao asks tado to untie him.  my fingers are too weak, he says.  tado fumbles with the knot then decides to just use scissors.  he cuts teshi loose and puts him down

[heart-forge]

at the risk of opening a huge can of worms,, care to rant about ao3 or talk about what you don't like about it? i don't know a lot about it and im super curious + i trust your opinion,, if that sounds like a lot of mental energy of course no worries,, love you n take care

tw mention of common controversial fic tag topics like child abuse, sexual violence, racism etc...because when you talk about the site, these things inevitably crop up. Anyway, time to swing a bat at a beehive.

I mean, first and foremost I want to point out because it doesn't really need to be hidden behind a tw, that when you're consuming content and not signed in then you have to agree to their terms of service which includes "if you reveal your race or religion or sexuality then you might open yourself up to harassment based on that, click here to agree" and from the very second they put that up I've thought it was the ugliest and most hateful thing I've ever seen in my life. I stopped using the site for a long time because it was so hideous to me that rather than put any basic effort towards moderation they just made you agree to a disclaimer that you understood that being gay or black or muslim would get you bullied and they won't do anything. Fuck them to the depths of hell for that, but I'll get into why the site is still used despite it's god awful garbage policy on washing its hand of all the content it allows to be on there.

I guess the tl;dr of that is both I don't think that using the site is morally worse than using any other social media site (ie I think all sites are equally as guilty as ao3, not that I think ao3 is not any worse than any other site), but I also understand why someone would individually decide to not use the site because they find it morally repulsive.

If you read this and feel the need to tell me about the old days of the internet when fanfiction was subversive and dangerous to post because of copyright, please go outside and touch some grass because you're an adult and you should have better things to do (not specifically you anon, this is a blanket warning).

tl;dr not every triggering piece of media is a masterpiece and should stop pretending like it is, not every person who writes about trauma is brave and indeed some of them are the reason people have to write about their trauma later on, "writing as therapy" is only valid insofar as you ask yourself if your mental health is better or worse after exposing your vulnerabilities to a fandom for public validation, and then you have to ask yourself if it was worth the reader's mental health as well, we as a species are responsible for other people (especially children) whether we like it or not, and finally ao3 has abdicated that responsibility in favour of pretending they're doing something vital by hosting and taking oodles and oodles of donations for...what exactly? Are they in a constant state of being sued? Is someone getting paid, because they have a lot of volunteers and no paid humans to moderate complaints/reports?

I know people have a lot of valid financial criticisms about how they run their business (I’ve seen posts but I didn’t memorize them so I’ll just skim on by these: I’m sure if you searched AO3 tag on Tumblr you’d see...well a lot that probably isn't worth the effort, but maybe find someone who has the proper mileage to talk about business practices).

I mostly, very frankly, don’t really approve of “well it was tagged” methodology behind allowing people to write whatever crosses their mind no matter how triggering or poorly thought or harmful it is overall. Stick with me here, people like to react at this point.

This shouldn’t be very surprising as I’ve at least posted snippets of blogs pointing out that I think people who claim basic moderation of content is censorship are stupid and as annoying to engage with as your garden variety Reddit troll, and that not every piece about controversial topics is a stunning deep dive into morality and the human mind and a lot of it is just trite garbage that hides behind the reputation of much better pieces of media as if every fic containing CSA is Lolita (which in itself struggles to be understood in a world that mostly supports child abuse and hates girls and women, but that’s a discussion you can hear from the Lolita Podcast, tw for...well it’s about the book Lolita so CSA at minimum), which they aren’t.

Again, is an AO3 anime fanfic the best platform for trauma content in general? And that’s without even asking “is this something that’s present in the text being explored by the author” (for example, the Elder Scrolls has sexual violence baked into vampire lore: I tag for sexual violence, therefore, if I mention topics directly pertaining to it, even though I never and will never write explicit sexual violence just because that's not my deal), versus "was this added by the author to an unrelated work" and "why did they do that?" (and "which character did they do it to" and "why that character" and "is this author enacting a violent sexual fantasy against as marginalized group because it makes them horny because I gotta tell you, not interested in the rights of those people overall let alone to do so in a public space where there's kids and also normal people").

People talk about fic as therapy which is valid to a point, but you have to ask yourself if therapy needs to be posted for public consumption. It's entirely possible that people are writing and posting therapy fics in good faith, but that doesn't mean that they have a get out criticism free card: they need to ask themselves if that's an appropriate and healthy way to approach theraputic writing (if it's for therapy, do you want it to be subject to public opinion? do you want it to be subject to people who aren't critically engaging with it and just think it's sexy? is that healthy for you? is that healthy for the person reading it?), if it's a valuable deconstruction of your feelings or literally just venting (ie did you want to deep dive on a topic, did you want to show it as a multifaceted thing, did you want to show the effects it can have in a healthy and safe space, or were you writing it to just get it out of you? if you just wanted it out of you, did it need to be posted for others to interact with? again, is that healthy for you? is that healthy for others?), or if it's really for theraputic purposes or if that's another wall that predators are hiding behind to validate themselves (which I gotta say, I see "turns out x person in fandom was a predator" way more often than I see a fic like this and think "wow they really got at something here").

Now, here's where people with the instinct to react to all that have my permission to calm down because I have a very obvious answer to the people who are screaming CENSORSHIP, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GIVE ME A LIST OF TOPICS IT'S OKAY TO WRITE ABOUT at their screen. Real people doing real moderation work is the answer, but much like literally all large scale social media sites, ao3 doesn't do that. If they want to allow for topics like that to be engaged with, if they want to allow for people to have the space to do this, it has to come part and parcel with people moderating for users who will abuse the system. For example, it gets grey around sexual violence, as it can be framed in a consensual and sexual way (BDSM, for example, is something that could both be consensual but should be tagged as sexual violence if it includes such a thing)—a human moderator can see that. A tag leaves that up to the writer and the person who's consuming it without really knowing which it is.

I'm just saying, but for a site that takes in so much money through donations, they should be able to invest in a real team of real (diverse!) people paid to moderate fic to make sure that a fic tagged underage is addressing something in canon (allowing for the extremely insignificant statistical chance that a victim is reclaiming a character from a fic and not just writing underage because they're a young teenager who wants their self-insert to be their age but doesn't want to age down a canonical character, or again the visibly more significant portion of people who think it's sexy) and not glorifying child abuse because the author is a child abuser who thinks that publically posting such a thing "doesn't count" because there was not a physically alive child involved (that they know of).

Which is a segway into the next point, you only have to be thirteen to sign up to a website that proudly hosts not only these topics (which, like it or not, it shouldn't be up to a child to self-moderate full stop; I don't care who "turned out okay" in the end, I don't care who thinks its good for kids to be exposed to intense and/or explicit topics (speaking from experience, go to hell), I don't care if every day TV shows and movies are just as bad so who cares, I don't care if "well they'll find it somewhere", it is not their job to self moderate as a feature of the website and it's not for a website run by adults to trust that children will stick to their lane once they've already been told that this is a space that includes them) but also just garden variety explicit content. You can never guarantee that nobody is lying about their age, and it's not good practice to assume that someone who seems like a child online actually is one: it is, however, your responsibility to do your level best to make sure that you've made clear that a child isn't welcome in the space that you've created explicitly for adult content. My games are all tagged as NSFW on itch, even though there isn't explicit boning. I don't love to associate my games with what is a GENEROUS swath of fetish porn, but I also don't want kids there in case I ever do want to get a little dicey with the sexual content, or violence content. I don't want to write in the responsible kind of way that one does when there's kids around, so I use the tools I have to do my best to make sure that kids know it's not their space.

It's what makes being a content creator difficult, on ao3 and on every website: every site is technically like this. You know children are there, and you know they're happy to lie about their age to get at restricted content. As a user, all you can really do is tag it and hope that people abide by those tags, because there are no content moderators there for you to get help from and the original purposes of these tags (as warnings) is being twisted by people (many of whom I think would absolutely get the ban hammer if there was a real and dedicated team of moderators and a useful and meaningful way to report people) into being used as advertisements.

Now, there's plenty to say about how functional an actual team of moderators would be (cog is proof of that, plus the basic human knowledge that putting a team of cis white people on the job isn't going to represent the interests of targeted parties), but contemporary internet has at minimum proven that 1) doing nothing, and 2) letting a robot decide, isn't working. Every website is just as culpable as ao3, but ao3 is in the extremely dubious position of being proud to host the things that it does, refusing to moderate and putting full responsibility for consuming content on a userbase that includes children, and only just now (I've heard: rumours swirl) giving people a way to block others? Other companies (YouTube another big "we're happy to traumatize children for dollars") at least have the smokescreen ability to restrict that content, even if they don't exercise it (or exercise it very badly, but the point is ao3 was built for adult content).

I don't think everyone who uses ao3 is being willfully ignorant or negligent in some way (obviously: I still use it). It's the most popular and high trafficked fic site and out of the three big ones (WattPad, fanfic.net, and itself) has the better reputation as far as "hosting work for people of a certain age" (ie, there's nothing for me, in my mid twenties, on WattPad, even if I'm not looking for sexual content). Engagement is just as terrible as it is on somewhere like Tumblr (the evil you know) but on ao3 you're not competing with visual art which is a huge problem on multi media sites (not to pit artists and writers against each other, but I'm sure many text game authors are happy to talk about how poor their engagement is compared to games with visual sprites).

I think the owners of ao3 are being extremely negligent and doing so on purpose because they come from a pool of people who think that 1) they turned out fine (which is subjective on a huge scale and I would definitely argue that adults who figure they blanket turned out fine after exposure to even casual internet usage among mostly their peers should reexamine; you don't have to have full blown PTSD to recognise that something deeply affected you as a child and where exactly you found that shit), and that 2) they have no means of for sure keeping out children and therefore they're clear to do nothing (which is a terrible abdication of responsibility, all the way down to greedily including children (with a wealth of spare time, potentially spare income depending on the household, and willingness to believe that a site that caters to their interests is therefore interested in them as an individual) in their userbase while claiming not to cater to them).

I think every dogshit fic on their is on their shoulders far more than the handful of inoffensive stuff or the stuff that they get praised for hosting (ie, good fic). I also don't think there's an ice cube's chance in hell of their policy ever changing, simply because you can't tell anything to people who think getting bullied for liking fandom is the same as structural oppression, and at this point the site has been allowed to grow so far without moderation that the effort to bring it under control would be an insane expense in both time and recompense for people who would be setting themselves up to purposely dig through traumatizing material in order to weed out the shit that should never have been allowed to be there in the first place.

My work and the work of my friends and peers on there is not a reflection of them having done something correctly, only that they have a stranglehold on sites specifically for hosting writing where fic writers are able to at all engage with fandom, versus multimedia sites where we're largely ignored for the much for aesthetically straightforward (ie "make the blog look nice") and optimized (Tumblr is NOT optimized for long text posts, not from a posting perspective and not from a display perspective) visual art (which still struggles with engagement!).

[scenesinsidethecrystalmine]

2, 7, 14, 21, 28, 30, 65, 74, 88, 90, 94 for the ask 😀💖

2 - what are 3 random facts about yourself?

I write in my diaries in Russian alphabet because I don't want anyone to read it.

I don't know dancing, but I love trying new things so I joined Waltz club recently.

I like to live my life in the moments. I used to be so scared of future but eh, that is future Bee's problem 😂

7 - how long have you been on tumblr?

I've been here since 2013 but only few people know my old blog, I mean only 3. I got this blog 2 years ago.

14 - who is your idol?

My future self that I'm trying to become. She is bold, she knows what she wants and she gets what she wants

21 - what's an unpopular opinion of yours?

Micah Bell from RDR2 is an amazing character.

Because he made me realise how much hatred I'm capable of feeling

I'm taking off my hat before this king and thanking him for helping me to get to know myself a little better

Then pew pew hehe 🔫

28 - do you read the tags on people's posts?

Always. I also write tons of things on tags haha

30 - in your opinion which character or characters do you act most like?

Jesse Pinkman? Emotional, easy to manipulate but also having principles and always searching for himself

Fun to be around, loyal, moody... I don't know, if you know someone that resembles me, send me an ask 😂😂

65 - have you ever worn glasses?

Noup, does sunglasses count tho? 😂😎

74 - favourite board game?

I don't really like board games but I'm kind of good at card games so I can't say anything

88 - do you wear makeup?

Yes, though I only use 2 products always. One is a reddish - pinkish lipstick and the other one is a eyeliner darker than my taste of humor

90 - favourite scent?

Scented candles maybe? The one with strawberries or vanilla

94 - ugliest colour in your opinion?

All of them are beautiful 🥺

But let's say brown because it's the one that I always mess up using while painting on canvas

THANKS FOR THE ASKS LOVELY ❤️✨

[leafs-lover]

Ugliest NHL couple?

I don't know who you are, or what you get out of sending the same asks to multiple blogs, but this is insane.

First of all, every single person on this earth is beautiful, nobody is 'ugly.' Some people may have ugly hearts, which I imagine you do for assuming otherwise.

Second, I will not feed into the talk about WAG's and their appearances. Some of the stuff said about them (not just on here but on other media platforms) is disgusting. People are upset because they are dating their favourite player and say hurtful things. Fans compare WAG's and feed into the talk about how they are all blonde, but when one isn't blonde or has a unique hobby/ interests people say vile things. I've seen posts about Markstroms gf being weird or not belonging because of her pottery/ art work.

Who they date is no concern to us, and it's not shocking many players don't post their gf, or keep them somewhat hidden to protect them from all this shit.

Lastly, this is not, nor has it ever been a gossip blog mainly because I don't want to get these types of comments in my inbox. Don't send me shit like this again, I'll just delete it and block you.

[silentauroriamthereal]

Hey SA I've just seen you reblogged a post about goodbyes in the show and I so would like to know your opnion on this. Do you think the cane scene was in character for John? Tbh I think his character was very OOC in S4 but I'd like to know your opinion on this. Yours are the only fanfic I read post-s4 I really trust you with my heart. Thank you!

Okay, just as a disclaimer, because I really, really don’t want anyone to think the opposite here, I absolutely love John Watson. Please don’t be confused about that. That said, he’s got some massive issues. 

Unfortunately, I do see the cane scene as in character, but I’m also one of those annoying people that would say that there’s a huge range of what could be considered “in character” for every human, you know? I’m just as much myself when I’m being a total dick as when I’m being the best version of myself. One end of the spectrum is not truer than the other. John is just as much John when he’s doing that soft, gentle, tender gaze, like at Sherlock and Mrs Hudson in ASIB as he is when he’s physically hurting Sherlock. Unfortunately, they chose to draw out the ugliest aspects of John’s personality in series 4, showcasing his damage far more than his heroism and the beautiful soul that he also is underneath those trust issues and unspent, ultimately inward-pointing anger and guilt and sense of inadequacy. Walking out when things get difficult is very much consistent with his behaviour from series 1 forward: look at his little domestic with Sherlock in TGG: Sherlock is being insulting and difficult, and instead of trying to talk through it or ask deeper questions, or even just argue it out, John gets up and leaves. 

I would say that it’s canon that he also left Mary after she shot Sherlock. I don’t see how anyone could possibly have maintained “months of silence” while occupying the same space. It just isn’t possible. For a few weeks, maybe, but months of genuine silence? No way. John wasn’t there. To his credit, and this is a big thing, John doesn’t stay mad. His capacity to handle things blowing up in his face is rather limited, but give him time and he’ll go back and give it another go. It took him 24 hours after Sherlock returned. Even when he thought the bearded old man was Sherlock playing a prank, he was laughing in spite of himself and clearly, overtly disappointed when it turned out not to be Sherlock. So he went back. The fact that it took him six months to return to Mary says a lot in terms of how reluctant he was to do it. I hate that he did it, but I get that the weight of his sworn word and the impending arrival of his child were the sole driving factors there, rather than love for Mary herself. His extreme reluctance and over promise of continuing anger during that scene hardly made for a cozy little reunion scene (I once saw an interview where Gatiss referred to it as “so tender and moving” or some crap like that, but that’s a rage post for another day!). The point is, given time to sort himself out, John goes back. He goes back to therapy even when he thinks it isn’t working. For all that Mrs Hudson had to bully him into it (he wasn’t ready and that wasn’t right!), John did finally agree to see and treat Sherlock. He would have gone back. That’s as much in his character as his preponderance for leaving is. 

Furthermore, while it’s ugly that he leaves, I also find it entirely understandable. This is someone who has a history of familial issues, estranged from everyone except a sister, with whom he shares a barely-tolerated relationship. He was in an active war zone: say no more. His superior officer, on whom he clearly had at least a bit of a hero complex for (and I personally don’t see anything else there, but that’s also plenty!), let him down and shut him out. Life had already betrayed John over and over and over again by the point that he met Sherlock. And Sherlock, for all of his intellectual brilliance, had never allowed himself to have a relationship so close that he might actually want to consider the other person’s feelings. He was clumsy and a slow learner and I think it took him a long time to see that John’s feelings needed better care than he was equipped to understand or give at the time. Their shared sense of inappropriate humour always had that edge to it, and while John is mentally healthy, I think he loves it (and I think that that’s why, when Sherlock faltered in the restaurant upon seeing John again and hastily revised his ill-conceived plan, that he turned to the one thing he thought he could rely on, this shared humour) but when he’s having one of his bad times, it cuts sharply. I think that he understands the genuine affection behind it, and when Sherlock said everything he said in his wedding speech, I think he was honestly shocked to hear it expressed so directly. He does know how much Sherlock thinks of him, how much he relies on him, and that any light jokes to the contrary are genuinely jokes. With Mary, on the other hand, they weren’t actually jokes and he knew it. They’ve always had communication problems, ones that lead to living out what they want from each other in the worst ways possible, but the love behind it is a real thing. Their actions only hurt each other so badly because of that very yearning there, one that neither of them seems able to express, or willing to take the risk to express. It’s a truly damaged relationship and they’ve both been damaged by it. As someone who absolutely believes in their love, and in the capacity for them to love hugely, deeply, and without reserve, it hurts to say that. Nevertheless, I do believe that with all of my being. 

I’ve joked that my new “kink” since series 4 is getting them both some therapy. I’ve written more therapy in stories since Christmas than ever before! Since series 4 started airing, I’ve written These Four Walls & Exile (after TST), Where My Demons Hide (John goes back to Ella), Now That the Dust Has Settled (We Can See the Stars), and A Satellite Out of Orbit (told from Ella’s POV in which she sees Sherlock during TLD), (after TLD), and then after TFP: A Case for Domestic Propinquity, Hell Hath No Fury (John goes back to Ella), From the Bottom of the Well (John goes back to Ella), Bridging the Ravine & Set in Stone (which take place at a resort for same-sex couples needing group and one-on-one relationship counselling). I think they need help. I also think that one of them could finally come to his senses and realise one day that they need to talk, and talk properly. I take back what I said about my biggest canon frustration being the way John leaves Sherlock: it’s definitely Moftiss never having once allowed them to have a direct, honest, and complete conversation. (Sometimes direct, sometimes honest, but never complete!) I think that they could get there on their own. It’s possible. It just hasn’t happened yet. 

That said, remember this: in opera we always say that the opera never takes place on the day that nothing happened. Remember all of those other days we aren’t shown: we can safely assume that alllll of those other days, and these are the majority by far, they lived together, cooking and taking out the trash and taking turns in the bathroom (that model of house would rarely have had a third bathroom on the third storey; that’s where the servants would have lived and they’d have used an outdoor privy at the time when this model of house was built, and the other bathroom would be in Mrs Hudson’s suite). They’d have taken cases and gone for midnight dinners at the Chinese restaurant on the corner and laughed at all of the wrong times and provoked speculation from anyone and everyone who ever saw them together. They’d have complained about their respective siblings and been a little nicer to each other every time one or the other was having a bad day. Think of Sherlock buying John beer after things with Sarah ended, according to John’s blog. Think of John, on his honeymoon, yet unable to just stop communicating regularly with Sherlock. They’re a damaged team, but nonetheless a team. Think of Sherlock knowing John so well that he could even predict that John would choose to leave him again, and how. They know each other in ways that no one else ever will, and I stand by that. 

I hope that helps? :)

[adviceforwlw]

hi! i'm 16 n used to id as bi but i worked through a lot of comp het and i'm still not happy/proud about my identity but i think i'm a lesbian. i've only ever met one lesbian irl and she's so much older than me, and all the ones i've seen on tv are just so?? ugly??? like they're never the pretty girl or the girl with lots of friends or anything like that. i'm just scared no one will love me.

Hey! So I kinda get where you’re coming from. You’re worried that no one will love you. But I don’t agree with what you’re saying. 

‘Ugly’ is a social construct. And yes, the media will paint lesbians as ugly, man-hating, jerks. We don’t get a lot of happy endings the movies or tv shows - even ones made by and marketed at LGBT people. So yeah - you’re gonna be shown the shittiest, ugliest, villainous, and/or evil characters as lesbians. Its Lesbophobia 101. The world hates us, whats new?

But lets talk about some of those ��ugly’ lesbians, shall we?

Even in conservative areas people know her. She’s been out and proud since 1997. Ellen DeGeneres. The first lesbian most people hear about. I mean, as an 18 year old who is interested in more feminine girls near my age - I don’t find her attractive at all. And if you just google ‘ellen degeneres ugly’  you’ll see a lot of people think she’s ugly. And you can stop there if you want. You can move on and continue your search for lesbians who are worthy in your eyes. Or you can take a glance at her wikipedia page. Nominated for 45 Daytime Emmy awards, Elen DeGeneres has won 29. Shes been nominated for 3 Golden Globe awards and 2 Grammys. She has 20 People’s Choice Awards. And that’s not all. She was named Special envoy for Global AIDs awareness. She advocates for a Transcendental Meditation program to reach at-risk populations prone to high-stress and anxiety. She has been married to her wife Portia since 2008 and has given many lesbians (and other wlw) a wonderful example of a loving marriage.

Or we could talk about Rachel Maddow. The first known lesbian to host a major prime-time news program in the US. Certainly not conforming to societies beauty standards. She has a PhD in Political Science. Regardless of whether or not you agree with her politically, you cannot disagree with how successful shes been. She has an Emmy Award and received a Proclamation of Honor for the California State Senate. She has been vocal about her personal struggle with clinical depression.

Or Wanda Sykes, Cynthia Nixon, or the so many other older openly lesbian icons who have been openly themselves in the media.

Or what about some younger people? Easier to relate to right?

Maybe Ellen Page? Who came out in 2014 and has since then advocated for visibility and acceptance of LGBT individuals.

Maybe Jessica Clark? She’s openly lesbian and a successful model for names such as Vogue and Marie Claire.

Or lesbians in our movies and tv shows?

As for as mainstream pretty goes - Emily Fields (played by Shay Mitchell) is an openly lesbian character on Pretty Little Liars and is very attractive. She also plays a ‘normal’ teenager (until ya know - the serial stalker ‘A’ destroys her and her clique’s lives).

There’s also Santana Lopez (played by Naya Rivera) from Glee who gets her happy ending and marries her best friend and girlfriend on the show.

There are so many people I didn’t include because I know this was getting a bit lengthy, but I wanted to make a point.

There is a lot of beauty and success in lesbian culture. We don’t all look one way, or act one way. We can be happy and loved no matter how we appear. It seems like you’re struggling a lot with internalized lesbophobia (and misogyny for that matter - basing a woman’s worthiness of love on her appearance). My advice - learn to love the word lesbian, stop cringing every time its said. Follow a bunch of lesbian blogs (not just positivity blogs - just those cheesy blogs that post pictures of cute lesbian couples). Watch lesbian youtubers you think are pretty or funny or both (I recommend Rose and Rosie, Amy Ordman, and Ally Hills - you’ll see a lot of happy lesbians there and Rose and Rosie actually helped me when I was struggling with internalized lesbophobia). Immerse yourself in lesbian culture. Interact with us. Talk to us. Be our friend. Then tell us if you think being a lesbian is an ugly thing.

- Mod Abby