#this is the smallest one i saw today btw. not even half the size of the biggest one

[batslime]

Feast your eyes, boys… one of the only known poisonous polypores in North America…

[kariachi]

We are finishing! Season! 3!! Today is Roundabout day. Season finale, I’m finally gonna be something approaching up-to-date, at least with regards to Kevin, who is the only thing that matters

I’m just going to preemptively say Fuck the Forever Knight sideways with a pineapple

That house looks like something out Dexter’s Lab, if Dexter had been into shoddy constructionwork.

Goddamnit! Think of your neighbors before you build shit that fails that explosively in your garage!

Billings. I should’ve fucking guessed. Your constructionwork sucks and you suck.

Did that man just take a break to build a lightsaber? Stay on track, Billings!

Ben vanished and Max and Gwen had to turn to Phil, those poor two, they don’t deserve this.

(btw is case you haven’t picked up on it, I still don’t trust Phil further than I could throw him. He spent four series being a sack of shit and now suddenly he’s a good guy? I think not.)

Don’t go in there, that machinery looks like it could collapse at any moment!

Max acknowledges the ‘hunk of junk’, does not acknowledge that it’s a danger to everyone and thing within 60 ft of the damn house. We had a pumphouse in better shape that wasn’t half the size and we had it torn down as a safety hazard

“Sure brings back memories though, right Max?“ I’m with Gwen, wtf does that mean?

Max is hiding shit, of course he is. Is it Plumber shit? Immortal shit? He and Phil used to be supervillains shit? Who the fuck knows

“Ever since Ben fought Vilgax, I’ve been tracking the Omnitrix to further study it’s abilities.“ Because that’s not suspicious at all. Especially given who else has been tracking the Omnitrix and it’s bearer for a good while now

(am I saying Phil has ties to the FN? No, I’m just not not saying it)

Yes Phil, many machines work like that, most with any sort’ve radio or wifi whatever do, which we already knew the Omnitrix had by the time Ben fought Vilgax because that’s how the fucker tracked it down. You didn’t find out shit, you’re just taking credit for information that was handed to you on a plate.

Okay, this map on this show is a disaster, but I’m going to estimate Ben is in the Germany/Austria/Switzerland region. But anything could be true given this is the least accurate to real life Europe map I’ve ever seen as far as landmasses

Okay, Phil says Switzerland, I say we head to Austria.

Max he’s already grounded.

Also who the fuck is calling? And why does Phil ‘I’m tracking the Omnitrix’ Billings still have a landline? You’re in the suburbs, man, are you even legally allowed a landline?

Oh look, we cut to the FN, or at least one of his stupid jets. More openly evil than Bezos

Oh my gods that is the smallest round table I’ve ever seen! And if way too big a space that’s clearly not even set up for it! FN you fucking loser!

Okay though, okay, backing up, entering ‘pick at details mode’. The table looks like it’s set to seat eight and it already has at least six. Counting out the FN we have, going clockwise- Kevin, then Vin, then Charmcaster, Billy, and what is probably Simon though if it is I will have to slowly kill a bitch. So, I gotta say, smart move putting Vin between Kevin and Charm, because if those two were next to or across from each other it would probably be unsafe for everybody. Having Vin in particular in that spot is smart because 1) he’s managed some sort’ve management of Kevin before (which is better than FN has managed even if it didn’t last) and 2) he’s bigger than both of them put together so Kevin would have to go through or around him to get at Charm’s throat.

But, on Vin in particular- what the fuck dude?! You get into the evilest looking vehicle in the show so far, owned and run by a creepy adult corporate nasty, see a bunch of kids are involved, why the fuck are you and the children still here? This better get touched on because if you’re actually okay with this set-up you are not half the man I thought you were

If Kwarrel were here the FN already would’ve had his gear wrecked and been thrown out the jet, woulda happened as soon as he saw even one of the children “Why are there kids here?“ “They’re your coworkers“ and out the jet he’d go

Charmcaster, unimpressed

Seats to either side of the FN are empty

And because there is no adult in existence with any of the skills the children have, apparently.

Kevin, also unimpressed and glaring off in the direction of Vin and Charm, presumably at Charm specifically

Oh gods, Vin’s special skill is ‘loyalty’ what the fuck is he a digidestined?! Although I guess when you’ve specifically gone out and gathered up the children least likely to do a single thing you say the way you want it done...

Charmcaster’s spells, if she can manage to cast any decent ones without a copy of Shel Silverstein involved

Billy’s skill is money. Bitch you own three major franchises you do not need the 10-yo for his money. The most dumbass golddigging attempt I’ve ever seen, and I watched OV!

Also nobody is impressed so far. Nobody.

Okay 1) they gave Simon a helmet and he is adorable. 2) I am going to kill every adult in that room. Painfully.

Kwarrel wouldn’t stand for this!

oh my gods Simon is too damn precious how did I not like him in his premiere?

Oh look, it’s a Ben. Welcome to the cesspit, Tennyson

Kevin, not fucking having it

Simon is happy though

“What are you thinking?! He’s obviously gonna betray us the first chance he gets!“ Kevin talking sense. He watches tv, he knows how this goes.

Honestly even without the betrayal risk, you wouldn’t be able to blame Kevin for not wanting Ben involved here. They’ve got the same skill set, as far as FN is concerned, and Kev already very clearly has issues about being seen as the lesser option, which FN has previously played into.

Vin trying to talk sense, it’s not working especially because I’m still angry with you

Kevin demanding Ben’s reasons for being here.

Ben’s reasons being ‘because my family thinks I’m the boy who cried FN’

“Why should we trust you?“ “Because Grandpa and Gwen don’t.“ “What? What does that even mean?!“ Kevin looks about this close to throwing in the towel and quitting right here and now. ‘Fuckit, I’m leaving and replacing you all with a rat’

FN stopping shit before it gets too out of hand

And we cut back to the Tennysons with still no sign from Vin that he has any problem with kids being involved in this mess

“We’ve been tracking the Forever Knight’s movements over the last few months“ “Who is ‘we’?“ “Best to just focus on the task at hand, Gwen“ Max pls

‘We came to the conclusion he was recruiting some sort’ve team’ what was your first clue?

Phil made Gwen a magical girl armor transformation.

Gwen is Pleased. Also dangerous.

The fuck sorta ugly-ass building is that? Did they hire a weaverbird to build it, what the hell?

Kevin, continuing to be a little shit, as per the norm

I’ll admit, I appreciate the transformation sequences if just because they’re nothing special enough for me to note and so it takes seconds off the time I have to liveblog. It adds up when you’re stopping to type every few seconds.

Ben pls

Ben- runs in to intimidate researchers into giving them access to whatever Billy- already got his father to pay the people to let them in

Again, may I say, the FN has money. He doesn’t need Billy’s! He has his own! He’s just cheap!

Kevin is just gonna spend the whole of part I giving Ben shit

The fuck we looking at

It is becoming more and more blatant that the FN got Simon here by inviting him to a fake birthday party and have I mentioned I want this man to smolder down to ash?

Time portal. We’re constructing a time portal. If this is Paradox’s premiere I’m cancelling this damn series. We can try again when people learn to fuck off on the time travel plots (they’ve been done well three times and all of them were in Pern books)

He is having Kevin and Ben construct a time portal. Together. Kevin does not look impressed by his coworker.

1) Ben you’ve been the dweeb forever. 2) Finally somebody on this show acknowledges Kevin’s mullet. 3) I’m with Kevin on the ‘let’s see if he can keep up’ thing, given one of them built an Omnitrix and the other I’d be surprised to see set the time on a vcr

“You’re the one with a mullet!“ “Yep.“ Oh gods! Oh damn! The fact he just looks so damn smug as he says it, like ‘you can’t get under my skin about things I’m actually cool with’, this little disaster! And Ben just looks like he’s gonna punch him. Are we sure they didn’t swap bodies prior to this or something?

FN starts pulling the ‘you will do as I say’ and that’s when Kevin starts getting prickly. Of course it is. Again, this is why I keep giving him rankers, do you really wanna see how long a Weyr would last if he was on a chromatic?

These boys today. Ben is just itching for a fight and Kevin is... The change between Kevin before the FN threatens to start putting them in their positions his own damn self and after is very pronounced. One he’s being a little shit and enjoying it, the other he’s very... I’m really not sure how to word it, distanced maybe? Like he emotionally stepped back from the situation

Simon you precious little bean, put a happy birthday sign and some balloons on a piece of machinery. And a little party hat.

Billy was not prepared for Simon. He doesn’t deserve Simon.

Well, Gwen is infiltrating shit at the fucking 6 minute mark, which is a shame because I was hoping to have more of her and the adults doing their thing so we could get some more interactions between the child antagonists.

This child

And of course she ends up in the vent right above the lab the others are working in, it’s not like we’ve got another episode and a half to fill.

Seriously, I love her, but I was really looking forward to seeing more of the dynamic between the characters that are already present in the lab and adding her changes the odds there. If they’d waited another fur minutes with her I’d have been good, but this feels too early and is setting my hackles up that they’re going to throw a load of Gwevin into what was shaping up to be a full marks episode so far

1) Yes Gwen, wtf are they doing, 2) I see everyone but Kevin and Ben so wtf is going on there?

Well, she seems to be leaving to regroup with the adults, so there’s hope there

“Watch wearers“ I’m gonna throw that man off something tall

Ooo, Ben’s been promoted to ‘Loser-son’ and also might be losing his nerve? Either that or the just ran out of ways to shoot back at Kevin verbally.

Rush and XLR8

Boys both going at 456 mph through a fucking tube

‘You boys are gonna have to hit 888 miles an hour’ Vin, have you considered fucking right the hell off? Has the FN? I’m with the boys that’s fucking insane

They pass each other in the tube and Kevin finds the energy to still joke on Ben, because some things just matter

SImon and Billy get distracted from doing their jobs by Simon drawing a picture of them and Ben in which Billy is taller than Ben. Billy is pleased. Simon is precious.

Ya kniw what I need? I need a fic where this time/space portal opens up and UAF/OV Kevin tumbles out, judges the shoddy construction, and then fucking handles this mess. I don’t know what FN wants, but I’m fairly certain a bigger, meaner, stronger, more violent Kevin is not it. And so it would please me.

When there is enough speed and lasers going around to cause earthquakes

Gwen has successfully let the rest of her team into the Weaverbird Nest

Gwen that is not a shortcut that is a vent. A vertical vent.

Charmcaster magicking up a portal, for extra specialness

So she stabilized the rift and also made FN a fuckign space/time cuff.

Simon got to her, she’s in a party hat

This child really needs to stop talking like she’s the fairy that blesses/curses the king in a 90s fantasy film

“I will only require on of you to accompany me into the rift. It’s your time, Ben.“ Fucking welp.

Everyone except Ben, Kevin, and the FN has a party hat

Kevin, baby, this is not safe or fun let somebody else go do not let your well-battered pride and your issues get your hurt or worse

“I’m sick of him getting everything when I’m obviously better!” My son. My dearest son. My precious child.

“Are you questioning me?“ Said in the most intimidating voice FN can manage and all I can think is, dude, how long have you been working with this child? Did you not actually meet him in all that time? Was he dealing with a body double. Did you think opening a rift in space and time would somehow change the fundamental aspects of his being that resonate throughout every Kevin that has ever been?

“The grease child is right!“ Okay, it’s official, somebody needs to find Kevin a shower and some soap

Kevin and Billy all for kicking Ben’s ass

And then Charm joins in the fun, because why not

“All this pettiness proves that Ben is worth more than all of you combined“ I’m gonna kill ‘im.

Charmcaster just looks defeated at that line. Like, honest to fuck, stick a fork in her, she’s done.

Kevin, on the other hand, doesn’t, not even a bit. He is straight up trembling with his anger. Or hurt? Both most likely, though I think the anger is in the lead.

Billy, meanwhile, looks shocked and angry at being called out like this.

And Simon looks just straight shocked.

And no response shown from Vin.

Ben, no, this is a very bad idea.

And we cut to the old folk and Gwen.

Welp, looks like everyone is all together

The ‘good’ news is half the children really wanna hit something right now. Especially Kevin.

‘Take out the Tennysons to prove your worth’ Welp

And there our hero goes with our Big Bad

I think we’ve hit part II and it only took like 3.5 hours. I’m gonna be a while longer I think.

Ancient Egyptians telling ancient Egyptian bad jokes

Gotta give the show one thing- at least it’s Egyptians are black

Also too drunk to be impressed by two weirdos stepping out a glowing purple portal. I can’t even roll my eyes because somebody needed to laugh at the FN

Ben: Unimpressed by FN’s taste in vacation spots

FN is using Ben to track alien attempts to contact Earth. The first of which was here, apparently.

Also this adds a whole new level of jackass to his behavior towards the other kids, given he could’ve very easily and truthfully pointed out that he needs a feature on the Omnitrix that Kevin’s watch presumably doesn’t have, but instead used the whole thing as an opportunity to tear the other kids down further. tl;dr: I cannot wait to see him become reboot!Kev’s first kill

We want to prevent the alien contact. Why? Who the fuck knows. Who the fuck cares. I want to stop him just out of spite.

And so we learn that he wants to get rid of all Omnitrixs so that he can take over Earth. Wonder how that would play out with regards to Kevin’s watch though. Because his didn’t come from space, to my knowledge we don’t know where it came from. Fuck, it could be contact from another dimension that lead to it (I mean, you saw OG!Kevin, whose to say Reboot!Kevin doesn’t also have some serious weirdness going on there that, combined with the fact his house has two radio towers in the backyard, that could lead to him getting messages from other dimensions like that). tl;dr: If FN succeeded, would that just lead to him having to worry about a Kevin he can’t use Ben against, rather than Ben himself?

‘Forever Nut’ that’s a good one, nice job Ben!

‘Forever Losers’ Ben’s on a roll

Ben out to kick this man’s ass

“I’m too powerful“ I really wanna drop OG!Kevin on this dude, I really do. Or fuck, can you picture him vs Kevin 11k? He’d be drawn and quartered, possibly eaten, within a minute and a half.

Well, there goes the Sphinx

Timed out and still raring to go

FN comes all the way out to ancient Egypt to stop aliens making contact, turns out they didn’t even do it

Kidnapping the child

Back to the present day, in the lab, with the fighting about to begin

Charmcaster and Kevin v Gwen. Charmcaster is already smug. Kevin, meanwhile, is offering her the chance to back down and not get hurt. Which, for Kevin, is pretty nice.

Billy and Simon v Phil. Is certainly a thing, but nothing interesting

Vin v Max. Both using the concept of ‘family’ against each other. Forklift v forklift. I wish I was surprised.

FN and Ben are in renaissance Italy now. Florence specifically.

Ben: I will stop you! FN: Kid I already kicked your ass. Ben: Well you’re gonna have to do it again!

Oh look, it’s the descendants of those two guys from ancient Egypt. It’s nice to see that their friendship has carried down through the ages.

“Serve your leader” has that worked on any of the people you nabbed? Besides maybe Vin? Because I’m fairly certain if you called yourself Kevin or Billy’s ‘leader’ to their faces they’d come at you harder than Ben is

FN, so far you have gone to two places and times, neither of which was where aliens made contact. Have you considered, quite possibly, that the problem is you?

You know Kevin is in a foul mood when he’s down to destroy Gwen.

Gwen, trying to give the ‘FN is a using pos’ realization to at least Kevin

Charmcaster interrupting her and also do you really think you of all people are the one who should be trying to bolster Kevin’s confidence? I mean, your history with him is enslavement and reading his private poetry to a crowd. You should be glad he’s not going after you.

Vin v Max, moved on to segway racing. And slapfights.

...small Phil and Max. By which I mean like, late teens. Apparently this is the third ‘alien contact’ option. Also Phil built that deathtrap as a teenager and he’s living in his parents’ old place. That is an old-ass suburbs given we don’t know how the fuck old these two are

Oh for fuck’s sake, have you considered getting a fucking hobby Forever Bitch? Take up scrapbooking or something, get into Minecraft

We’ve still got 7 minutes btw. We’re going faster in this half, but we’ve still got a third of the episode to go

Ben Shockrocking it up

Vin vs Max take 3- racing matchbox cars

Max decides to have a conversation with Vin, find out why he’s working with FN despite the latter being about as pleasant as a rabid zombie skunk in your pillow.

...1) Vin has a child. 2) That child is grown. 3) That child is a lawyer (congratulations Mr. Vin’s Kid) 4) Between said lawyer child moving on with their life and LaMoron being a dick Vin was lonely so he joined up.

“This is the closest thing to a family I have now“ One would think the fact you have a child would say otherwise, but if the fact that you seem to be totally fine with a bunch of kids being drug into this mess, including a 6-yo, says anything about your parenting then I’m not really surprised.

Max offers to let him become a Tennyson, which, if the family reunion episode is anything to go by, he may already be

Max and Vin are friends now. Phil is still being pursued by children. And Charm and Kev are still trying to take Gwen out.

“Once I finish you off, Forever Knight will easily choose me over Tennyson“ Oh Billy no... Have I mentioned I really wanna kill hat man? Painfully?

Simon is about to obliterate a man for the chance at being best friends with Billy. I would be even more concerned if he wasn’t FUCKING SIX-YEARS-OLD, VIN

Phil is going to survive via appealing to Simon’s inner and outer juice-loving six-yo

Welp. Sorry Billy.

Ooo, Gwen almost blasted Charm before Kevin deflected it, good job son!

“Kevin finish her off“ Bitch you finish her off

“Why? All we were supposed to do is keep everyone away from the portal.“ My son talking sense and also notably sticking only to orders. Out of spite, because he wants to, because the last time he tried to bend orders the FN nearly killed him? (and do any of the others know that that’s a risk I wonder, that if the FN doesn’t feel you’re doing your job ‘right’ he’ll decide to just off you)

“You’re soft“ You’re the one that wanted him to do the dirty part, Charm

Charm tries to kill Gwen and Kevin just fucking, shatters her amulet in retaliation.

Charmcaster: This is why you’ll never be Forever Knight’s right hand! Kevin: I handle things my way.

I love my child.

Kevin literally just used his last second before timing out to vine Charmcaster to the ceiling

That moment when you have a crush but hate that you have it, I recognize the look. Been there.

“Well yeah, I’m not a monster.“ On the topic of saving Gwen. My precious child

Gwen: *heading for portal to figure out what’s going on* Kevin: *heading for the portal because he’s got revenge to take*

Somebody needs to kick FN’s ass. And then eat him. Slowly. Painfully.

FN damn near killed Ben before Kevin fucking saved his life! Literally, man was gonna strike Ben down!

“I’m here for that ungrateful tin can!“ Yesss!!! My son!! Kick his ass!

Gwen is helping!

“You wanna know why I didn’t choose you? It’s because you’re just a cheap Tennyson knock-off.“ .....

.....

......

........

..........this motherfucker gotta go

Ben joins the fray!

“Cheap knock-off, huh?“ I, for one, am proud to be here for my son’s first kill

FD does not get to stop alien contact because he’s being dogpiled by a bunch of pissed-off preteens. Good.

The children got a hold of FD’s portal control. Gwen is gonna be working portals, Kevin is on ‘keep the FD from killing Ben’ duty. This was his decision. Which says a lot about how he feels about the FD

Kevin, looking for some sort’ve explanation for the fact FD is a dick and will always be a dick, because this is what abused children do

“I was the best fighter you had.“ “You were only a useless pawn.“ “I’m nobody’s pawn!“ My son

Battle in the rift

FD demands Kevin hand over the Tennysons “and make yourself for once“. Gwen is concerned he may do it when I believe anyone who can read facial expressions and/or a room knows who he’s growling at

“Kevin, think about this, you’re not a bad guy!“ “See, that’s where you’re wrong“ At which point Kevin lets go of the Tennysons and fucking dives at Forever Dipshit

Kevin sacrifices himself to take out FD and what’s Ben’s reaction? “Kevin, no! I’m the cool one!“

These fucking children.

“And Kevin steals the spotlight again“ “You really wanna be trapped in the past?“ “Alright, I’ll let him have this one“

Glad to see Ben recalling the tale. Glad to see he’s still grounded. Gwen is Good. Fuck off Vin.

1) the portal is still open 2) FD’s helmet came through it. Whether that’s because Kevin threw it through it as he beat the living hell out of him remains to be seen

And season 3 is over.

11/11, because my son fucking deserves it no matter what else goes on