#this is the same gopher from Turbulence

[lead-to-light]

A question for Knuckles - I know that Angel Island is flying around the place, but is it random or does the Master Emerald control where it goes?

"The Master Emerald takes the island wherever it wants," Knuckles stated plainly. "It avoids heavily populated areas but every now and then it likes to look at farms for some reason."

Grimacing, Knuckles internally debated whether or not to tell this story but decided it was worth sharing, "One time while I was sleeping it flew near some farms. How did I find out? Some nosy gopher landed his crop duster on the island. He got all the way to the Emerald and was about to touch it when I finally woke up. I chased him all the way to his crappy plane made him take off."

Knuckles rubbed the back of his head and chuckled, "Not really my proudest moment. I think the Emerald didn't wake me up when he landed to remind me to be more vigilant."

[interestarticles]

Best Movies Of The Year 1980 - Top 20 Films Of 1980

What Are The Best Movies Of The Year 1980?

From New York to Los Angeles this is a question that will get a different answer from every person you ask. There were some great films in the 1980s, and 1980 started the decade off with a bang as a year full of innovation in every way throughout all of society, and it was the start of some exciting new techniques, technologies, and ideas in the film industry in particular with many movies from the year 1980 introducing revolutionary and pioneering cinematic visions. Many people think that some of the best 80s movies of the decade came out in 1980. In this article post, we will go through our top picks for the 20 best movies of 1980, you might be surprised to find out which movies made it on the list! 1) Kramer vs. Kramer In 1980, "Kramer vs. Kramer" was released and became a huge success at the box office. The movie starred Meryl Streep as Joanna Kramer, Dustin Hoffman as Ted Kramer, Jane Alexander as Marylin Jaffe-Jenson, and Justin Henry as Billy Kramer. This film won five Academy Awards in 1981 including Best Picture of 1979 or 1980. It also received nominations for best director (Robert Benton), best actor (Dustin Hoffman), and best-adapted screenplay based on another work (Erica Mann). It is now considered one of the most significant Hollywood films ever made about divorce because it provides nuance to both sides of an argument. 2) The Shining This iconic horror classic film directed by Stanley Kubrick and starring Jack Nicholson and Shelley Duvall was released in 1980. It is based on Stephen King's 1977 novel of the same name. The film has been ranked a number of times as one of the best horror movies ever made and is now considered to be one of Kubrick's best films. It was nominated for two Academy Awards (Best Actor in Leading Role--Jack Nicholson) and won none at the time. The Shining also received nominations for Best Director - Stanley Kubrick), Best Adapted Screenplay--Steven Spielberg/Stanley Kubrick). Its reputation grew over time, eventually earning an Oscar nomination for Best Picture. 3) Being There Hal Ashby himself had been nominated for an Academy Award in 1971 with directing The Last Detail. It is a film that could be classified as both comedy and drama, but the emphasis on this 1980 release lies more on its comedic aspects. While it was not one of the most acclaimed films when it came out, many now consider Being There to be a classic film about society's relationship with television at the time. It offers commentary on economic inequality and how people are often reduced to simple archetypes who can easily fit into neat narratives for consumption purposes. 4) Time Bandits Time Bandits, a 1980 British fantasy film about adventure, was co-written by Terry Gilliam. It stars Sean Connery and John Cleese as well as Shelley Duvall and Ralph Richardson. Katherine Helmond, Ian Holm. Peter Vaughan and David Warner are also featured. It is a whimsical kids' movie with the fantasy adventure of time travel that has been ranked as one of the best movies ever made by many critics. Gilliam has referred to time bandits as first in his "Trilogy of Imagination", which includes Brazil (1985), and then The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (88). They all revolve around the "craziness and incoherence of our society, and the desire for escape through every means. These films all focus on the struggles and attempts to escape through imagination. Brazil is seen through the eyes of a young man, Time Bandits through a child's eyes, and Munchausen through an old man's eyes. Time Bandits, in particular, was nominated for an Academy Award for Best Visual Effects. 5) Pennies from Heaven Quite a departure from his previous work, this film is much more lighthearted and comedic than the serious dramas of The Miracle Worker or Bonnie and Clyde. The plot revolves around Arthur Parker (Steve Martin), whose life becomes increasingly chaotic as he tries to juggle two jobs, an impending child custody battle for his daughter, and a demanding girlfriend who wants him to give up one job so that they can have some time together. 6) Airplane! This Leslie Nielsen instant comedy classic was one of the highest-grossing movies of 1980. The movie is about an airplane crew that must find a way to land their plane after food poisoning breaks out on board and the pilots become incapacitated, with only two inexperienced passengers who happen to be a doctor (Robert Hays) and a flight attendant (Julie Hagerty) qualified to land the plane. Airplane! was one of the most successful films at theaters in 1980 It had more than $83 million worth of ticket sales by year's end - it became one of Leslie Nielsen's most popular roles ever The film also helped launch Robert Hays' career as a leading man, though he later found greater success playing comedic supporting characters before retiring from acting. 7) The Empire Strikes Back One of the most famous of the 1980s movies, The Empire Strikes Back is remembered for its numerous plot twists and turns as well as introducing fan-favorite Yoda The film features Mark Hamill reprising his role as Luke Skywalker in this second installment of George Lucas' Star Wars series and it was the first star wars to be released on VHS. Featuring a mixture of live-action footage with high-quality animation from Japanese company Toho, it became one of the best critically acclaimed movies ever. In 1997, it won an American Film Institute award for being among the top 100 films since 1941. 8) Raging Bull 1980 was a strong year for movies, and Martin Scorsese's Raging Bull is one of the most acclaimed action films to be released that year. It stars Robert De Niro in an Academy Award-winning performance as new york boxer Jake La Motta, who has a turbulent affair with Kim Basinger's Vickie. The film depicts how new york boxing served as both his escape from domestic abuse but also led him on a self-destruction path. In addition to being nominated for ten Oscars (including best picture), it won two including best actor for Robert de Niro and best director awards respectively. Released by United Artists, the movie has ranked among the top 100 American Films ever made according to AFI rankings. This release is considered one of the best films of the 80s by many critics. 9) Kagemusha One of the most interesting and well-made movies that 1980 has to offer, Kagemusha tells the story of a warlord who is critically injured and after being buried alive. The movie was directed by Akira Kurosawa and stars Tatsuya Nakadai in one of his best performances ever as both warrior leader Katsuyori Shibata and an imposter named Shingen Yashida. Released in Japan on April 20th, 1980, it became the second-highest-grossing film at the Japanese box office just behind The Return of Godzilla (1984). Kagemusha made its international debut at Cannes Film Festival's Directors Fortnight where it won two major awards: Special Jury Prize for Best Direction and Grand Prix du Festival International du Film - Art. 10) The Gods Must Be Crazy Part comedy, part drama, The Gods Must Be Crazy is a timeless classic. Released in 1980, the film follows Xi (N!xau), an out-of-touch bushman who lives happily with his family until he encounters Coca Cola for the first time and it changes their world forever. The premise of this movie makes us laugh because we can relate to how much more comfortable life was before modern society became so intricate that things like Coke began infiltrating every aspect of our lives. We're drawn into Xi's story as he goes from living peacefully with his tribe to being thrust into a completely different reality when they start hunting down any remaining cases of coca-cola at stores all over town! It also touches on some deeper themes such as the cultural modern world where his customs and rituals mean nothing. Xi's journey is our own as we watch the culture clash of modern society, with all its good intentions and never-ending thirst for new things to consume, come into contact with a simpler time that has long since passed by. The humorous film release was nominated for the Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film but lost out to Italy’s Cinema Paradiso (1988). 11) Caddyshack Released in 1980 this classic comedy film by Harold Ramis is widely considered one of the funniest movies ever made by fans and critics alike. It features an amazing comedic all-star ensemble cast, including Chevy Chase as a rich playboy who turns caddie in order to get girls; Ted Knight as Judge Smails, who wants to keep his country club memberships exclusive and prestigious; Rodney Dangerfield as Ty Webb, a millionaire golfer-cum-caddy who has been banned from all other golf courses for being too good. Also featuring Bill Murray as Carl Spackler, the groundskeeper at Bushwood Country Club whose only goal seems to be killing off gophers with any weapon he can devise (including explosives); Michael O'Keefe as Danny Noonan, a young man hired by Judge Smails's daughter (Castle) to caddy for him; and Brian Doyle-Murray as Lou Loomis, the club's ultra-snobby head professional. 12) The Blues Brothers Another instant classic 1980 movie, The Blues Brothers are best known for its 1980 car chases. Starring John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd as Joliet Jake & Elwood Blues respectively, the two brothers who perform a blues show before being arrested by police. They break out of jail with their friends to save an orphanage from foreclosure through satanic cult leader sheik Abdul Khadaffi's "Elvis-Is-King" rally in Chicago Illinois on Mothers Day 1980 at noon. The film has been praised by audiences and critics alike for its music, screenplay, and performances but criticized for its lack of character development (most likely due to budget constraints). This was even acknowledged during production when director John Landis told cast members not to act too much because "no one is going to see this movie." The 1980 car chases are iconic and highly regarded by film critics. One of the most memorable moments in 1980 was when Elwood Blues while driving his 1980 Chevy Malibu, spots a cat on the front fender as he's being chased by police officers from Illinois State Troopers who try to arrest him for not wearing seat belts (the law at that time). The chase ends with Jake & Elwood crashing into an old man sitting atop a 1980 Chevy Monte Carlo. After striking them, the cops then swerve quickly around their fallen comrade before continuing after our heroes. 13) 9 To 5 9 to 5 (listed in the opening credits as Nine to Five) is a 1980 American comedy film directed by Colin Higgins, who wrote the screenplay with Patricia Resnick. It stars Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin, and Dolly Parton as three working women who live out their fantasies of getting even with and overthrowing the company's autocratic, "sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot" boss, played by Dabney Coleman. The film grossed over $103.9 million and is the 20th-highest-grossing comedy film. As a star vehicle for Parton—already established as a successful singer, musician, and songwriter—it launched her permanently into mainstream popular culture. A television series of the same name based on the film ran for five seasons, and a musical version of the film (also titled 9 to 5), with new songs written by Parton, opened on Broadway on April 30, 2009. 9 to 5 is number 74 on the American Film Institute's "100 Funniest Movies" and has an 83% approval rating on the review aggregator website Rotten Tomatoes. 14) Smokey And The Bandit 2 Smokey and the Bandit 2 Is a 1980 American action comedy film directed by Hal Needham, starring Burt Reynolds, Sally Field, Jerry Reed, Jackie Gleason, And Dom DeLuise. This film is a sequel to 1977's film Smokey and the Bandit. The original release of the film was in the United Kingdom, New Zealand, and Australia. Bo "Bandit", Darville (Burt Reynolds), and Cledus "Snowman," Snow (Jerry Reed) transport an elephant to the GOP National Convention. Sheriff Buford T. Justice, Jackie Gleason (Jackie Gleason), is once more in hot pursuit. 15) Superman 2 Superman II, a 1980 superhero movie directed by Richard Lester, is written by Mario Puzo, David, and Leslie Newman and is based on a story by Puzo about the DC Comics character Superman. It features Gene Hackman and Terence Stamp, Terence Stamp, Ned Beatty, and Sarah Douglas. The film was first released in Australia and Europe on December 4, 1980. It was also released in other countries during 1981. Megasound is a high-impact surround sound system that's similar to Sensurround and was used for select premiere Superman II engagements. The Salkinds decided in 1977 that they would simultaneously film Superman and its sequel. Principal photography began in March 1977 and ended in October 1978. There were tensions between Richard Donner, the original director, and the producers. It was decided to stop filming the sequel (of which 75 percent was already completed) and instead finish the first film. After the December 1978 release of Superman, Donner was fired from his post as director and was replaced by Lester. Many cast members and crew members declined to return following Donner's firing. Lester was officially acknowledged as the director. Principal photography resumed in September 1979 and ended in March 1980. Film critics gave the film positive reviews, praising the performances of Reeve, Stamp, and Hackman as well as the visual effects and humor. The film grossed $190million against a $54 million production budget. 16) Friday The 13th Friday the 13th, 1980 American slasher movie, is directed and produced by Sean S. Cunningham. Written by Victor Miller, it stars Betsy Palmer and Adrienne King. The plot centers on a group of teenager camp counselors, who are each murdered by an unknown killer as they attempt to reopen an abandoned summer camp. Cunningham, inspired by John Carpenter's Halloween (1978) success, put out an advertisement in Variety to sell the film. Miller was still writing the screenplay. Filming began in New York City after casting the film. It was shot in New Jersey during summer 1979 on an estimated budget of $550,000. The finished film was the subject of a bidding war. Paramount Pictures won domestic distribution rights while Warner Bros. Pictures took European rights. Friday the 13th, which was released on May 9, 1980, was a huge box office hit, earning $59.8 million globally. The film received mixed reviews, some praised its cinematography, score, and performances while others criticized it for depicting graphic violence. It was the first independent film of its type to be distributed in the U.S. by major studios. The film's box office success led it to many sequels, a crossover film with A Nightmare on Elm Street, and a reboot of the series in 2009. 17) Flash Gordon Flash Gordon is a 1980 space opera film directed and produced by Mike Hodges. It was based on Alex Raymond's King Features comic strip. The film stars Sam J. Jones and Melody Anderson as well as Max von Sydow, Max von Sydow, Max von Sydow, and Topol. Topol is supported by Timothy Dalton and Mariangela Melato. Peter Wyngarde plays the role of Peter Wyngarde. The film features Flash Gordon (Jones), a star quarterback, and his friends Dale Arden and Hans Zarkov (Topol), as they unify the warring factions on the planet Mongo to resist the oppression by Ming the Merciless (von Sydow), a man who wants to destroy Earth. Producer Dino De Laurentiis had been involved in two comic book adaptations: Danger: Diabolik and Barbarella (both 1968). He had also previously worked on Danger. De Laurentiis declined a George Lucas directorial offer, a Star Wars version directed by Federico Fellini was also rejected. De Laurentiis hired Nicolas Roeg as director and Enter the Dragon writer Michael Allin as the lead developer on the film. They were replaced in 1977 by Lorenzo Semple Jr. and Hodges, who had written De Laurentiis’ remake of King Kong, this was due to Roeg's dissatisfaction. Flash Gordon was mostly shot in England, with several soundstages at Elstree Studios and Shepperton Studios. It uses a camp style that is similar to the 1960s TV series Batman, which Semple created. Jones quit the film before principal photography was overdue to a dispute between De Laurentiis and Jones. Much of Jones's dialogue was dubbed by Peter Marinker. The documentary Life After Flash examines the main subjects of Jones' departure and his career after it was released. It is known for its Queen-inspired musical score, which features orchestral sections by Howard Blake. Flash Gordon was a box-office success in Italy and the United Kingdom, but it did poorly in other markets. The film received generally positive reviews upon its initial release and has since developed a large cult following. There have been many attempts at sequels or reboots, but none of them have ever made it to production. 18) Cheech & Chong's Next Movie Cheech and Chong's Next Movie, a 1980 comedy film by Tommy Chong, is the second feature-length Cheech & Chong project, after Up in Smoke. It was released by Universal Pictures. Cheech and Chong go on a mission: siphon gasoline to their neighbor's car. They then continue their day. Cheech works at a movie theater, while Chong looks for something to smoke (a roach). Then Chong revs up his indoor motorcycle and plays loud rock music that disrupts the neighborhood. Cheech is fired and the couple goes to Donna, Cheech's girlfriend, and welfare officer. Cheech seduces Donna over her objections and gets her in trouble with her boss. 19) Coal Miner's Daughter Coal Miner's Daughter, a 1980 American musical biographical film, was directed by Michael Apted and based on a screenplay by Tom Rickman. The film follows Loretta Lynn's rise to stardom as a country singer, starting in her teen years with a poor family. The film is based on Lynn's 1976 biography by George Vecsey. Read the full article

[qqueenofhades]

Just wanted to tell you I'm utterly in love with your GO writing, and that I would offer pretty much anything - ranging from biscuits to small-sized animal sacrifice I guess - for something with Crowley being protective of his angel (if inspiration strikes of course :))

Crowley hates the fourteenth century for many reasons. The first and most obvious is the fact that it just doesn’t bloody go well for anyone, particularly in England. The embarrassment at Bannockburn in 1314 puts everyone’s noses out of joint (good for the Scots, Crowley thinks – he’s fond of the pugnacious underdogs), and then the Great Famine of 1315–21 starves half the country and it rains even more than usual. He hasn’t forgotten the skeletal children hanging on his boots and begging for bread, and the fact that he could only miracle up so much of it before it started to catch the attention of Head Office. A demon cannot do good. He’s found workarounds and justifications and excuses before, clever subversions, you name it. But sometimes you can’t, and it stares you right in the face, and the broken bits of the Fall ache in a way he normally doesn’t allow.

They’ve barely got done with the famine when Edward II is deposed in 1327, with the attendant mess that it is (though the hot-poker-up-the-backside story is greatly exaggerated). Then Edward III has to go and start the damn war (it’s not known as the Hundred Years’ War just yet, though Crowley would be utterly exasperated and unsurprised if you told him) in the 1330s, and 1348 is a very, very bad year for anyone of a remotely human persuasion. The Black Prince faffs off to do more of his storming and sacking thing, then dies before his father in 1376, leaving the promise of his nine-year-old son, Richard, to inherit the throne and the turbulence of a minority government. At this point, it’s been seventy-six years more than Crowley cares to experience of the fourteenth century ever again, and it still isn’t over. Uncle, he thinks. Uncle.

By far Crowley’s least favourite aspect of the fourteenth century, however, is that it keeps trying with single-minded vigour to kill (or you know, discorporate) Aziraphale. He has already had to find seemingly innocuous ways to pop in and spirit him away from a bridge collapse, a hungry mob in London, Isabella and Mortimer’s army, a particularly angry goose (Aziraphale probably could have handled that one, but Crowley decided not to risk it), another mob blaming the local Jews for supposedly poisoning wells to bring on the plague, and at least seven men named Wat Tyler. (Or maybe it’s the same one? Seems like a firebrand.) Aziraphale also will insist on puttering off to Oxford and hanging out with the local malcontent, John Wycliffe, which Crowley watches with constantly spiking anxiety; does the idiot want to get burned for heresy? He is trying here.

As such, when it’s 1381, Wat Tyler has finally gotten his day in the sun, and the Peasants’ Revolt is raging in the streets of London outside, Crowley is, how do you say, extremely fucking stressed. It’s not that he doesn’t support the peasants, having once been part of an ideological rebellion or two against supreme overlords himself, but the action is only a few blocks away at this point, and he thinks they should move. “Come on, angel,” he snaps. “I don’t care what you’re looking for, let’s just… let’s just pop along, shall we?”

“It was just here,” Aziraphale insists, digging in a trunk like a gopher and excavating a flying whirl of papers. “I do so enjoy the drafts that Chaucer fellow sends me, I can’t leave without them.”

“Bugger Chaucer!” Crowley performs an agitated skip from side to side, as if standing on holy ground (perhaps Aziraphale’s floorboards count? Who knows). “Let’s go!”

“In a moment,” Aziraphale fusses, displaying far less concern for his personal safety than is warranted by Crowley’s blood pressure. (If he has that. It definitely feels like he does.) “No need for such alarm, dear. Besides, I am sure they’ll leave us alone.”

Crowley glances edgily at the door. He supposes that they could try a miracle and just make everyone rethink their lives and go home, but that’s more intervention in human events than they’ve really done since arriving at the Arrangement in 1023, and besides, he’s been foiled by Wat blasted Tyler often enough that he should just admit defeat. “Aziraphale – ”

It’s possibly a good thing that the angel is so distracted by the need to recover the scribblings of this Chaucer idiot (a random mid-level London bureaucrat who fancies himself an author) as to miss Crowley’s transparent and poorly disguised terror. Then again, Aziraphale has managed to miss this particular terror for going-on-5,385 years, and maybe it is for the best. But when a window breaks next door, Crowley has had enough, grabs his Divine Adversary’s elegantly embroidered tunic, and pulls him down the stairs, into the crookbacked, muddy alley that runs behind the back of the townhouse. “Let’s just – ”

He does not finish that sentence, mainly because at that moment, another mob bursts around the corner, sees them stood there looking distinctly like not-peasants, and charges directly toward them. Aziraphale utters a startled squeal, and Crowley readies himself to serve as the blunt agent of celestial defense as always, throwing out his arms to place his own body between the angel and the oncoming hordes, waiting to –

The next instant, someone grabs him, he only has half a second to realise that it is Aziraphale, and the angel snaps his fingers. There is an anticlimatic pop as the entire mob vanishes on the spot, though by the sound of confused shouts and splutters from a nearby public garderobe, they have not gone far. Aziraphale looks up at Crowley, whose mouth is is still stuck open, and solicitously brushes the mud off his stylish black tabard. “Are you all right, my dear?”

“I – ” Crowley still cannot muster up words. He remembers just then that Aziraphale was the Guardian of the Eastern Gate, but the sheer number of scrapes that the gormless feathery idiot seems to get into, vainly wringing his hands as if oh dear, he really can’t miracle himself out of this one, such a bother, such a fuss, so unnecessary, if only someone could help him –

It’s just then when Crowley finally realises that the reason for Aziraphale apparently attracting all the trouble in the world (though he’s still not sure how to explain the goose) might have nothing to do with his ability to protect himself. He can do that just fine, and when the opportunity calls for it, will straight-up transport a rampaging band of revolutionaries headfirst into a toilet rather than let them lay a finger on Crowley. Indeed, that was rather restrained of him. Instead, the explanation seems to be that he gets himself into these ridiculous situations… precisely so Crowley can turn up and get him out of them.

What the hell, Crowley thinks. Is that what’s going on here?

Fine, then. He isn’t going to complain. Not if this is all he’s ever going to get.

(He still hates the fourteenth century.)

[zackgidiolect]

Which One Is Going To Win The Basketball

At this point, several people have asked me to explain my bracket choices, such that I feel I should just lay it out for everyone in writing. This is my first March Madness bracket ever, so I apologize if I don’t always use the correct terminology. As it was explained to me, five of the members of each team will meet on a basketball court and do battle to determine the winner. It all seems pretty self-explanatory, but still, maybe seeing it all at once will make my thinking more apparent, and help others to correctly predict the outcome.

East

Villanova (Wildcats) over Mount St. Mary’s (Mountaineers). This is an easy matchup, one we’ve seen time and time again. The Mount St. Mary’s squad, though they come from a sacred mountain, are still just mountaineers, mountain climbers. Villanova, on the other hand, are vicious wildcats. Tenzing Norgay and Edmund Hillary were great heroes of our age for climbing Mount Everest, but I don’t doubt they’d have been massacred by five wildcats, even if they’d had three friends to back them up. This is the first result for “Mountaineer” on Google:

Wisconsin (Badgers) over Virginia Tech (Hokies). I had to look into what Virginia Tech’s “Hokies” are, as near as I could determine they are some sort of turkey. Wisconsin are five badgers. They would slaughter them, as any turkey farmer can tell you.

Virginia (Cavaliers) over UNC Wilmington (Seahawks). Virginia’s team is five cavaliers, mounted and armored knights. Wilmington are seahawks. I mean, I suppose if they could claw their opponents’ eyes out they’d have a shot, but they have the misfortune of going up against the only first-round team with armored visors.

Florida (Gators) over East Tennessee State (Buccaneers). Gators are essentially the armored knights of the swamp. They are huge, strong, and vicious. East Tennessee State are basically five sailors, possibly armed with low-quality firearms. Gators are vulnerable to small arms fire, but not the low-quality hand weapons of the eighteenth and nineteenth-century high seas. The Gators will likely devour the Buccaneers.

USC (Trojans) over Southern Methodist University (Mustangs). This is an upset, but predictable. The Trojans had well-developed skills in animal husbandry, and though five wild horses on a basketball court is nothing to take lightly, I don’t doubt USC will prevail.

Baylor (Bears) over New Mexico State (Aggies). Have you ever seen five bears go up against five agricultural students? Neither have I, but I don’t imagine it’s pretty.

Marquette (Golden Eagles) over South Carolina (Gamecocks). Golden eagles are apex predators, the kings of the sky. A “gamecock” is a fighting rooster. Marquette could probably take this five-on-one.

Duke (Blue Devils) over Troy (Trojans). I had never seen a blue devil before, but Duke has a helpful illustration they distribute (depiction above by Gustave Dore). Devils, even lesser devils, can probably prevail over Trojans, all of whom are almost certainly in hell for being heathens. Likely limbo, assuming they were righteous heathens, but still.

West

Gonzaga (Bulldogs) over South Dakota State (Jackrabbits). When I first heard Gonzaga were bulldogs, I assumed they’d get crushed. But, as it happens, South Dakota State are jackrabbits. I don’t know much about basketball, but I don’t imagine you can win a basketball battle by running away.

Northwestern (Wildcats) over Vanderbilt (Commodores). The wildcats return, this time sinking their teeth into Vanderbilt’s flag officers. Or even worse, five chief executives of yacht clubs. Nowhere near a fair fight.

Princeton (Tigers) over Notre Dame (Fighting Irish). I’ve heard a lot about Notre Dame’s Fighting Irish, being a bit Irish myself, but even five of them, very angry and belligerent, are no match for five tigers, the largest and deadliest of big cats. This is another example of a fight that could come out the same way five-on-one.

Bucknell (Bison) over West Virginia (Mountaineers). Again we have a squad comparable to Norgay, Hillary, Muir, and other great examples of endurance and tenacity, cruelly put up against some of nature’s most implacable foes. Bucknell’s bison will crush the five mountaineers, crampons and ice axes notwithstanding.

Xavier (Musketeers) over Maryland (Terrapins). Musketeers can only fire one bullet before needing to spend between 20 and 30 seconds to reload. Fortunately, their opponents are small turtles. The end.

Florida State (Seminoles) over Florida Gulf Coast University (Eagles). Eagles are fearsome against smaller prey, but I think the Seminoles could make short work of them on a basketball court.

St. Mary (Gaels) over Virginia Commonwealth (Rams). Rams, or sheep, are something the Gaelic-speaking peoples of the British archipelago know a thing or two about.

Arizona (Wildcats) over North Dakota (Fighting Hawks). While hawks are worthy adversaries, especially when bred for fighting, cats’ genocide of all things that fly is well-documented. Bigger cats can only spell more trouble for our winged friends.

Midwest

Kansas (Jayhawks) over UC Davis (Aggies). I had imagined a jayhawk was some sort of bird, but as it happens, there is no such bird as a jayhawk. Rather, the Jayhawks were violent anti-slavery guerillas during the turbulent run-up to the civil war. John Brown was a Jayhawk. UC Davis’s agricultural students don’t stand a chance.

Miami (Hurricanes) over Michigan State (Spartans). While the Spartans were raised from birth for combat, they never had to do battle with the furious hurricanes of the Florida gulf. Five of them would undoubtedly do them in.

Iowa State (Cyclones) over Nevada (Wolf Pack). I did some research, and apparently there are five to six wolves in a typical wolf pack. Even assuming Nevada has five six-wolf packs to send forth, they can’t hope to prevail in the first round. Pacific cyclones have caused unspeakable devastation, and are one of the deadliest meteorological phenomena we experience on earth. Forget about it.

Purdue (Boilermakers) over Vermont (Catamounts). Although Vermont’s catamounts are five deadly cougars, Purdue’s boilermakers will likely bring their welding gear. It will be close, and will come down to maneuverability versus endurance. My money is on the boilermakers.

Rhode Island (Rams) over Creighton (Blue Jays). This won’t be a satisfying win. Rhode Island’s rams won’t be able to reach Creighton’s blue jays, so their best bet will be to simply wait until the small birds exhaust themselves and drop.

Iona (Gaels) over Oregon (Ducks). Gaels know a thing or two about how to cook a duck.

Oklahoma State (Cowboys) over Michigan (Wolverines). Even unhorsed, a cowboy is more than a match for a wolverine, to say nothing of five cowboys. Michigan doesn’t stand a chance.

Jacksonville (Gamecocks) over Louisville (Cardinals). Finally, a win for fighting roosters! Cardinals have the maneuverability, true, but you need fighting spirit and power to win a game of basketball (I’m told). Jacksonville’s gamecocks will take this one.

South

Texas Southern (Tigers) over North Carolina (Tarheels). I’m going to catch some flak here, because apparently Michael Jordan, star of Space Jam, once played for North Carolina. However, I will point out that North Carolina are five guys with tarred heels. Even taking their legend at face value that their five are tenacious confederate soldiers, they are up against five tigers. Remember The Ghost And The Darkness? Big cats annihilate trained soldiers with nineteenth-century weapons.

Seton Hall (Pirates) over Arkansas (Razorbacks). Razorbacks are among the most dangerous of swine, but I don’t doubt that Seton Hall’s pirates know how to butcher a pig.

Middle Tennessee (Blue Raiders) over Minnesota (Golden Gophers). I don’t feel good about this one, because I think golden gophers would be adorable to see, and I don’t want to watch blue raiders slaughter them. But I’ll cover my eyes and call it.

Winthrop (Eagles) over Butler (Bulldogs). Bulldogs, while more than a match for jackrabbits (see above), could probably be carried away by an eagle in one talon. Not pleasant.

Kansas State (Wildcats) over Cincinatti (Bearcats). Based on my research, a bearcat is an arboreal mammal from southeast Asia, sort of a combination between a beaver and a sloth. Yet again, wildcats will prevail. I’m just going to say, I am not happy about Wake Forest’s loss in the lead-up to this match. I would have loved to see some possessed demon deacons in this tournament (blue devils versus demon deacons, can you imagine?). That said, it doesn’t surprise me that the power of the Great Deceiver yielded to the ferocity of mountain cats. Ah well, maybe next year.

UCLA (Bruins) over Kent State (Golden Flashes). UCLA’s team is five brown bears. Kent State is five golden flashes. Disorienting, but ultimately futile. Full disclosure, I went to UCLA Law, three-time champions in the annual UCLA Law-USC Law basketball game. A predictable result, bears are a nightmare. Go Legal Bruins!

Wichita State (Shockers) over Dayton (Flyers). This was an interesting matchup. Dayton’s team appears to be five of the Wright Brothers’ Flyer, which I’m not sure would even fit on a basketball court. Wichita State’s team are five “shockers,” which despite the association are actually people who harvest wheat. Having dated a hay farmer’s daughter, I can tell you that five wheat harvesters could easily destroy five twelve-mile-an-hour gliders made of bicycle parts. Hell, throw in ten of those guys in the funny hats if you like. Still, we may not see another matchup this unusual for a long time.

Northern Kentucky (Norse Men) over Kentucky (Wildcats). While it pains me to have to choose between Kentuckies, and while wildcats have won almost every matchup they’ve been in thus far, I favor the Viking warriors in this one. Northern Kentucky’s Norse Men will win the day.

Round two

With a lot of the interesting teams already eliminated, this will be a more summary affair. I’ll only comment where the matchup is interesting.

Villanova over Wisconsin. Wildcats > Badgers.

Virginia (Cavaliers) over Florida (Gators). Although alligators could easily ground combatants on horseback, the cavaliers are still armored, with lance and sword. This would be an interesting contest, with a lot of action, but eventually I think Virginia’s cavaliers will take the day.

Baylor (Bears) over USC (Trojans). Bears are fast and strong, and might be the deadliest animals on land. Trojans were outsmarted by a wooden horse.

Duke (Blue Devils) over Marquette (Golden Eagles). Eagles are no match for the azure minions of hell.

Northwestern over Gonzaga. Wildcats > Bulldogs.

Princeton (Tigers) over Bucknell (Bison). This would likely also be an interesting match, ten of the heaviest land animals going head-to-head. However, at the end of the day, bison are herbivores and are accustomed to travel in packs much larger than five precisely because of the dangers posed by carnivores like tigers. Princeton wins.

Florida State (Seminoles) over Xavier (Musketeers). This was a very tough call. In the end, it came down to heart. The Seminole tribe has endured immense hardship, from colonial wars (fought with muskets!) to genocide, and are still standing, with presences in both Florida and Oklahoma. The musketeers vanished when Louis XVI couldn’t afford them.

Arizona over St. Mary. While it pains me, as a one-quarter Irishman, to admit it, Wildcats > Gaels.

Miami (Hurricanes) over Kansas (Jayhawks). While the abolitionist militia members were the scourge of slave power in Kansas, life on the prairie would likely not have prepared them to face five raging gulf hurricanes in a basketball arena.

Iowa State (Cyclones) over Purdue (Boilermakers). Again, one cyclone is a calamity. Five cyclones is an apocalypse. Weld your way out of that one.

Iona (Gaels) over Rhode Island (Rams). Essentially the same matchup as St. Mary-Virginia Commonwealth in Round 1, the Gaels will take the rams out to pasture.

Oklahoma State (Cowboys) over Jacksonville (Gamecocks). Cowboys and roosters? Come on.

Texas Southern (Tigers) over Seton Hall (Pirates). While it’s not unthinkable that five armed humans could take on five tigers, they’ll need to be better armed and armored than they would have been in the age of high-sea pirates. While the heavily-armed modern pirates of the horn of the Indian Ocean might fare better, Seton Hall explicitly chose kerchiefed, eyepatched, mustachioed brigands to be their champions, and must live with that choice.

Middle Tennessee (Blue Raiders) over Winthrop (Eagles). While this would be an interesting matchup, the blue raiders’ reflexes would likely carry the day against diving eagles with proper tactical positioning.

UCLA (Bruins) over Kansas State (Wildcats). Again, bears.

Northern Kentucky (Norse Men) over Wichita State (Shockers). While field-hands are some of the strongest, and nicest, people you’ll ever meet, the Vikings did raise a bit of hell, historically. The Norse Men will probably take this.

The Sweet Sixteen

Virginia (Cavaliers) over Villanova (Wildcats). Wildcats, though they’ve had a lot of wins in this bracket, are no matched for armored cavalry.

Baylor (Bears) over Duke (Blue Devils). Although Duke’s blue devils are the thralls of the Deceiver, bears were on the Ark, and so we can assume God put them here for a reason. This matchup is probably why.

Princeton (Tigers) over Northwestern (Wildcats). Biggest cat.

Florida State (Seminoles) over Arizona (Wildcats). Part of the Seminole tribe, following war with the mighty US government, retreated into the Everglades and never surrendered. They are now the modern Seminole Tribe of Florida, and own the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square. This is who you want when wildcats come calling.

Iowa State (Cyclones) over Miami (Hurricanes). We all knew this was coming. In the end, it came down to numbers. I consulted lists of the last five Atlantic hurricanes and Pacific cyclones, and as it turns out, the last five category 5 Pacific cyclones were category 5 for more combined hours. It’s as simple as that. Iowa State wins.

Oklahoma State over Iona. Sorry Gaels, but the Cowboys take this one.

Texas Southern (Tigers) over Middle Tennessee (Blue Raiders). Huge cats. Little humans.

UCLA (Bruins) over Northern Kentucky (Norse Men). Can you see where this is going?

Elite Eight

Baylor (Bears) over Virginia (Cavaliers). Werner Herzog made a movie about a guy in an armored suit who was eaten by a bear. That times five will be this game.

Princeton (Tigers) over Florida State (Wildcats). A wildcat is one thing, but a tiger is a beast.

Iowa State (Cyclones) over Oklahoma State (Cowboys). Do they do much disaster preparedness on the frontier? How many cowboys could swim, do you figure?

UCLA (Bruins) over Texas Southern (Tigers). This is close, but in the cruel past of our civilization, bears and tigers were actually made to fight in circuses. The bears always won.

Final Four

Baylor (Bears) over Princeton (Tigers). UCLA over Texas Southern all over again.

Iowa State (Cyclones) over UCLA (Bruins). Bears can swim, but they can also drown.

National Champion - Iowa State Cyclones

People may complain that it’s impossible for Iowa State or Miami not to win this tournament, as they are massively destructive forces of nature. This is absolutely true. But hey, I didn’t write the rules of the game of basketball, whatever they are. I predict that either Iowa State or Miami will continue to be national champions every year until the NCAA changes the rules.

For what it’s worth, I went to Ithaca College, whose basketball team was Division III I assume because they recognized how unfair it would be to expect other Division I teams to go up against the Bombers. So, I feel for you.

Anyhow, that’s it for now. I’ve learned a lot about basketball! Mainly how many wildcats know how to play it. Wow. See you next year!

[lead-to-light]

Theres a small crackling of the radio causing most of the passengers to perk up.

Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Thank you for flying with us today. If you look out your windows you might catch a lovely view of Station Square down below.

We should be landing in central city shortly, so be sure to buckle up when the lights turn on.

The captain smiled as he put down the radio. He loved his job.

No sooner had he finished that thought did the universe try to make him think otherwise. A thud came from above him. William the Crow and his copilot and Chris the Gopher looked at each other. Scrunching his face in confusion, William asked, "Did something just land on-"

BOOM!

A thunderous impact from above made the plane dip downward nose first. Emergency lights came on as he and his copilot pulled the plane up.

"This is your captain speaking we are experiencing some unexpected turbulence. Please fasten your seatbelts." No sooner did he finish that sentence did another impact hit the plane in the same spot.

BOOM!

Emergency lights came on and William could hear muffled screaming coming from behind him. Grabbing the radio receiver, He yelled into it at all channels, "MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS SOUTH ISLANDS FLIGHT 336! WE ARE UNDER ATTACK BY AN UNKNOWN ASSAILANT-"

BO00000OM!!!

The harsh sound of crumpling metal was barely heard above him. William felt his stomach drop as the plane nearly dipped ninety degrees down. With the terrified screams of the passengers behind them, he and his copilot pulling on the flight sticks with every muscle possible, William knew another hit would doom them all.

But one moment became seconds and seconds became minutes and a fourth blow never came. He couldn't help the little laugh of relief from escaping him. Chris however couldn't let the fear leave him so quickly, "What the hell was that?"

**************

An hour later, The semi-rhetorical question would remain unanswered.

"Like, I'm not crazy it it absolutely looks like what we both think it looks like right?"

"Yeah it actually does look like that but doesn't make any sense is no way it's-"

"William, I grew up on a farm, it's absolutely that. You can even see the marks the spurs made-"

"Okay fine it's cowboy boots!"

If anything, they had more questions than answers right now as they looked down on the damage the plane took, now parked within a large hanger. Deep imprints in the metal atop the cockpit silently mocked the two with its puzzling nature. True to Chris's assertions though, William had to agree it looked like a stereotypical cowboy boots complete with spurs had damaged the plane.

"I'm going to make a call," William said suddenly, already making his way down of the plane.

It took a moment for Chris to figure out what he was implying but when he did he rushed over to Williams who was already halfway down the ladder, "Woah hold on the airport manager said not to-"

"The fact that he said not to absolutely means that we should. People almost died today and he just wants to make his stock doesn't go more down than already will," He said without stopping his descent. When he reached the bottom he looked back up and said, "Cover for me will ya?"

************

Miles away and thousands a feet in the air, dinner was being made. The gentle steady stirring of pasta sauce was interrupted by a voice crackling over the radio, "This is MAA pilot William the Crow. Is this the Babylon Rogues?"

The flying bruiser known as Storm the Albatross answered the call, "Make this quick I'm simmering the sauce."

This made William, ready to get to the bottom of things, lose his train of thought completely and ask, "Do you have a radio in the kitchen?"

"Lets just say if given the choice between answering a call for a very lucrative job or not burning sauce, I'm choosing the sauce every time," he explained, still stirring the sauce.

Closing his eyes in strained patience, William tried again, "Could you please get a hold of Jet somehow? This is very important."

"You got it!" With little fanfare, Storm grabbed the gun labeled 'Wave Summoner' off the shelf and began firing into the air. As a result debris rained down onto the simmering sauce.

"SHIT! THE SAUCE!" He screamed in horror. "LOOK AT WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!" He screamed again, this time into the receiver.

Moments later, Wave the Swallow bursted into the room, Jet close behind.

"DAMMIT STORM STOP PUTTING HOLES IN MY SHIP! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU? CALL! MY! PHONE!" Wave screamed, completely besides herself that they keep having to have this conversation.

Storm shrugged, "Yeah but this way's faster."

Wave let out a battle cry and leapt at Storm with her wrench.

Jet casually walked around the brawl and grabbed the receiver, "This is Jet the Hawk, I'm assuming this is the MAA?"

The captain sighed in relief, happy that things were back on track. "Yes it is. In accordance with the deal made with the Mobius Air Association and-"

Jet rolled his eyes, "Yeah yeah yeah I know the deal we've been through this a dozen times-"

"It's called Earth, dammit!" Wave shouted, pausing her throttling.

Storm also paused, "No it's Mobius! I thought you were the smart one?"

"I'll show you who's smart!" Their fighting resumed with added ferocity.

Already annoyed that his testing of new boosters on his extreme gear was interrupted, Jet raised his voice, "Knock it off you two! I'm trying to have a conversation here! Also, I distinctly remember banning that topic from the ship!"

William smiled sympathetically, growing up his house had a similar rule. Famed thieves or not, they really were mobians just like him at the end of the day. With the sounds of fighting halted, William took the chance to speak, "MAA records show that you were near Central City earlier today, did you pick up any signs of badnik movement?"

Taking up a spot to the right of Jet, Wave spoke up, "Zero activity was noticed. It's why we were taking the time to test some upgrades. Why do you ask?"

This is not what he wanted to hear. The devil you know far more preferable than the unknown, "Are you absolutely certain?" William asked.

"You calling her dumb? A liar? A dumb liar? I oughta pound ya for doubting her!" Any animosity Storm had a minute ago towards her was long gone as he reflexively jumped to her defense.

Nerves getting the better of him, William yelled into the receive, "I'm asking because something jumped up-and-down on my plane like a trampoline!"

"Sounds like you need to guard your airfields better," Jet snarked.

"It happened while I was in mid-air!" He screamed, thoroughly exasperated by their flippancy.

Thankfully, this got the Rogue's full attention attention, Jet himself now dead serious "What?"

Taking a deep breath, William continued, "I was on a flight with a plane full of passengers toward Central City when something jumped up and down on top of the cockpit three times. Each hit nearly brought the plane down."

"How fast was it going on the radar?" Wave asked, now also all business.

The captain was completely unaware of the scab he was about to pick, "when it finally left? I'd say easily Sonic fast."

"EXCUSE ME?!? I THINK YOU MEAN JET THE HAWK FAST! I'M THE FLYING ONE NOT HIM!" Jet erupted into the receiver.

Pivoting quickly, William corrected himself, "It was going Jet the Hawk fast!"

Acting like he didn't just go completely ballistic just then, he continued the line of questioning, "That's better, now, which direction did it go?"

The crow slumped against the console, the conversation being far more exhausting than he anticipated, "It flew straight up then went west. It left radar range quicker than anything I've ever seen," William said.

Putting her hand to her chin, Wave began listing possibilities, "So it was either someone with some amazing extreme gear, which is impossible because I didn't make it. It could have been some new badnik eggman cooked up but he wouldn't have it go bounce up-and-down on a plane, that's not really his MO."

"Maybe Metal Sonic was feeling silly?" Storm suggested.

Jet rolled his eyes, "That robotic killjoy doesn't know the first thing about fun so I don't think it was that."

"What does the top of the cockpit look like? Did it believe any kind of discernible imprint?" Wave asked.

"It looks like if it had landed any harder we wouldn't be having this conversation if that answers your first question. As for the second? This is gonna sound nutty but my copilot and I are pretty positive it looks like a cowboy boot," William said, sounding almost embarrassed sharing that last detail.

"But that's impossible! Everyone knows cowboys can't fly!" Storm yelled like that was the unbelievable thing about it.

Ignoring Storm's dimwittedness, Jet said, "Were there any burn marks in the imprints?"

William shook his head, to which he gave a long blink to remembering he was alone, "No but there were spur marks."

Wrists resting on her hips, Wave shook her head in growing confusion with the mystery dropped on their laps, "Then that rules out extreme gear. Skate type gear would have left some kind of trace."

"Also rules out badniks unless Eggman suddenly started pivoting towards a cowboy theme," Jet added.

Storm slammed his fist into his palm, "Then that just leaves……wait who does that leave?" He said now scratching his head in befuddlement.

"No one, Storm. That's the problem." Wave said, "Given the evidence we have now, it matches no one we know. We're dealing with someone who's stupid fast, isn't using extreme gear, wears cowboy boots and apparently gets their kicks from terrorizing people when they're thousands of feet above the air."

The dread that oft comes with the unknown floated through them. Tiny involuntary shivers shook all but Jet's body, who just narrowed his eyes.

"Thank you for bringing this to our attention. we'll keep an eye out for anything regarding mystery speedster. Over and out," Jet said before hanging up.

Thank you?!? Storm and Wave thought.

Pacing back and forth he continued, "Here's the plan, we're gonna do some training and enhance our extreme gear the best we can. We're overdue for some upgrades and-"

"We're not chasing after them immediately?" Storm interrupted loudly.

"Are you feeling okay, Jet?" Wave asked softly, genuine concern in her voice. She had been a little worried about him ever since that encounter he had with that wolf girl and giant badnik briefly scrambled his personality. Oh God I hope he isn't backsliding….

"Believe me when say that every cell in my body wants to beeline towards them right now but I'm trying to be smart here. Whoever this person is they're deranged enough to nearly kill hundreds of people for shits and giggles on top of being fast enough that they believe they could get away with it. I want us to be ready for this creep when we find them. We're the fast flying ones around here dammit!" Jet said, ending his tirade with a shaking fist in front of him.

Her worries evaporated, Wave couldn't be more proud of Jet. He was showing actual leadership but was still the same proud loudmouth she knew.

"We're gonna show this poser that the Babylon Rogues won't tolerate sharing the sky with lunatics!" Jet shouted, to which Wave and Storm answered with agreeing cheers.

Jet held up a finger, "One last thing before we steal take-out. While we're getting prepared to throw down with this cowboy, we're also gonna be looking for something I learned about recently. An old treasure from our ancestors."

Wave was floored upon hearing this, "Woah really? I thought we found everything there was?"

"What is it boss?" Storm asked eagerly.

Jet smiled excitedly, "The Babylon Blades."

**************

William stared at the receiver for a few minutes, sitting alone in one of the redundant control towers they had built after the war. Finally tearing his gaze away, he walked down the flight of stairs and outside. With sudden trepidation, he looked up and took a shaky uncertain breath.

For in all his years of flying he had never seen that bright blue sky look so unkind.