#this is the same Norah from childhood

[samssims]

Norah.

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Norah was made by @lazarish

[beaconfeels]

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, and publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favourite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨

Hello my little ray of sunshine <3 Always a pleasure to have you in my inbox. It’s night where I am so you get soft and slow vibes.

1. Let It Go by James Bay—like falling asleep on a gently rocking boat

2. Wild Sweet by Starling Arrow & Ayla Nereo—gives me the same feeling as hymns from my childhood without all the attached religious trauma

3. The Long Way Home by Norah Jones—Feels Like Home is one of those rare “no skips” albums for me

4. Keep It Loose, Keep It Tight by Amos Lee—you’re lying in bed on a warm night with white lace curtains blowing in the breeze from the open window, and the cute neighbor boy is playing his guitar on the porch

5. Sing To Me by Mary Lambert—the romantic in me has gone feral and run off into the woods to do love spells

[chaeul]

I was tagged by my lovely friends @lilmaemae, @jez-bez and @ella-norah to share a few things about myself

It was fun getting to know more abut you ♥ My turn now :shy:

Do you tidy your bed? Yes. I didn't always but as I've gotten older and life became more hectic, I've started to appreciate the sense of peace and calm a tidy, neat looking room can give. Also if I didn't make my bed I'd be sleeping in cat hair :D No amount of trying to get rid of it will get rid of it all. With my bed made, at least the hair stays on my blanket as opposed to underneath it

What's your favorite number? Even numbers are must. There are many that I like but the most important ones are 4 (can't explain this one and 22 (back in elementary school each kid had a number associated with them; mine was 22 and it stuck. I also enjoy that it's the same backwards and forwards

What is your job? I wfh doing administrative tasks for a physiotherapist's office and I'm one of two official caretakers for my grandparents (not technically a job but it does count towards my state pension)

If you could go back to school, would you? I mostly enjoyed school. So much so that my plan was to become a teacher, actually. Uni on the other hand wasn't for me. I wonder if it would've been different if my mental and physical health hadn't plummeted back then. Considering I'm not doing much better rn, I would not go back to uni, no.

Can you parallel park? Technically yes, but I do have performance anxiety about it and I'd rather not (and I won't on busy streets). I much prefer parking in a parking lot with cars to my left and right instead of in front and behind me.

A job you had that would surprise people? I don't think there is one

Do you think aliens are real? I'm sure there's life out there somewhere. Or that there was or will be at some point in the future. Do I believe that life to be similar to us humans? No, not really.

Can you drive a manual car? I learned and got my license on a manual car but we've ever only owned automatic ones so I that's what I've been driving ever since I got my license. A few months of manual vs 16+years of automatic... I don't trust myself to be able to still drive manual

What's your guilty pleasure? I think I've reached a point in my life where I don't really feel guilty or ashamed about anything I find pleasure in tbh. At least not that I can think of rn.

Tattoos? None

Favorite color? aqua, lavender, a deep rich red and a warm orange

Favorite type of music? there are barely any genres I actively dislike and maaaaaaaaany that I enjoy but there can be too much of a good thing, so variety is important (in the grand scheme of things! because I enjoy listening to the same song on loop for hours, sometimes even days too) and it's hard to pick a favorite. But I certainly do love musical soundtracks as well as quite a bit of everything kpop has to offer

Do you like puzzles? depends on the difficulty. if it's too hard or I can't even come up with a possible way to solve them I lose interest

Any phobias? wasps and dentists

Favorite childhood sport? I'm not sure if there's a difference in definition of the word 'sport' between German and English or if it's a diifference between the world and me but to me, a sport is any sort of activity that requires a certain amount of physical effort. I know many don't consider dancing a sport but it is to me. Many different types of dance were my favorite sport in childhood and they're still important to me now

Do you talk to yourself? I talk to my cat when I'm at home and sometimes I narrate things to her. That's pretty much the same thing isn't it? Other than that I don't talk to myself out loud but I do it in my head sometiimes

What movie(s) do you adore? there are simply too many to choose from and I'm not that into movies. I much prefer tv shows. But I've seen you all mentioning Tangled and that certainly is my favorite Disney movie among the ones that came out since I became an adult. Plus I did enjoy the mcu movies before everything went downhhill

Coffee or tea? neither iced tea

First thing you wanted to be growing up? I don't remember the very first thing exactly but I had dreams of being a teacher, a vet, a musical theatre performer... the list goes on

I you're seeing this, consider yourself tagged! ♥

[ariparri]

Carson Ivey - Reintroduction

I’m here to reintroduce my boy after a long time of not making any official content with him! For all my old and new mutuals and followers, meet Carson Ivey, my second MC for Hogwarts Mystery and Veruca McQuaid’s childhood best friend!

❌ NO REPOSTING ❌

○■○■○■○■○■○■○■○■○■○■○

Carson Ivey is a halfblood Scottish wizard, born on August 4th 1972. His father, Hudson, is a wizard and his mother Norah-Raylene is a muggle. Carson loves his parents greatly, and his mother fondly addresses him by the nickname Carsy. A name that Carson would take offense to if someone else called him that as that is considered a sacred name only his mother can use.

Carson grew up with Veruca, knowing each other when they were both five years old. Despite his parents' protests to the McQuaids paying for Carson's enrollment to attend the same performing arts school with Veruca, Elroy and Wilhelmina insisted it would be a nice experience for Carson since he showed an interest in music. Eventually the Iveys gave in when Carson said he wanted to learn how to play an instrument so he can play for them.

Out of all the instruments, Carson grew to love the violin. Carson has always been extremely responsive to music. He would sometimes cry like a baby listening to a moving piece of music. The violin is one of the most moving instruments he's ever experienced. It also helps that he was really drawn to the power of orchestral music from classic plays and the theater.

Other than classical music, Carson loves 80s rock music. His favorite bands and artists are Twisted Sister, Bon Jovi, Quiet Riot, and REO Speedwagon. Despite Carson attending a performing arts school, he lacks skills in singing. His singing is a bad, high key, out of pitch tune that can be heard from another room or down the hall. His parents love him too much to ruin his fun. Even Veruca and her family let him have his singing moments, with Wilhelmina joking that if that boy ever learns to sing perfectly that is not the real Carson. He even humors them that he has no intentions of ever learning how to sing. His bad singing is part of his character.

Carson is also a lighthearted prankster. He isn't too fond of magic related pranks, thinking some of them can go a bit too far. His pranks and jokes are meant to be for fun where everyone can laugh. Sure, the glitter prank he is most known for can get very messy, but he's always sticking around to clean it up after having a good laugh. If someone ever got caught in a prank set up for someone else, Carson will make sure that they're okay and will compensate if anything of theirs gets ruined or accidentally destroyed. One of his more lighthearted pranks is to wear odd and mismatched outfits to annoy Andre and even switch out Andre's clothes for horribly designed ones.

In Hogwarts, Carson has become adept in charms. And while he is decent with potions, he still sometimes botches the concoctions. Something he's always confused about since he follows the recipe exactly. He's not fond of Care of Magical Creatures due to how active the creatures get around him. A few occasions, the puffskeins would get loose and chase him around Hogwarts, once even cornering him completely in a room. It took more than Veruca, Rowan and Professor Kettleburn to get him out of the swarm.

Carson's closest friends besides Veruca and Rowan are Jae, Diego, Tulip, Tonks and Andre. Jae has become the group's handler in contraband and oddities, something Carson takes advantage of with his pranks. Of course, he pays using Veruca's money. Diego, it took some time for them to be friends since the two always bickered about trivial things like who was the better gentleman of the two.

[lorirwritesfanfic]

Berk Atan as Prince Hamid Osmanoğlu

Disclaimer: this character profile was created specifically to fit Prince Hamid on Meant To Be universe . I unfortunately don't own the character, I don't assume to know everything about him and I have no intention to affirm this is exactly who he is and how other people should write him. I'm merely a hardcore enthusiast of this lovely character and I do my best to keep his essence while adding a few headcanons of my own.

Name: Hamid Osmanoğlu

Nationality: Turkish

Birthdate: December 3, 1991.

Hometown: Istanbul, Türkiye

Current Residence: Ithaca, NY, USA

Occupation: Envoy of Türkiye in the United States of America, graduate student of MBA Economics and Management at Cornell University

Talents/Skills: public speaking, a knack for languages, charm, cooking, self-defense and combat skills.

Parents: Murat Osmanoğlu and Raisa Doğan-Osmanoğlu

Siblings: Nesrin Osmanoğlu-Aksoy, Malak Osmanoğlu, Sevim Osmanoğlu.

Closest relatives: Ahmet and Halime Osmanoğlu (uncle and aunt), Osman Osmanoğlu (grandfather - deceased), Kaan Aksoy (brother in-law).

Background: First born of Ambassador of Türkiye in Australia Murat Osmanoğlu and prosecutor Raisa Doğan-Osmanoğlu, Hamid is easy going, perceptive and polite, has the ability to make friends everywhere he goes and charms everyone with his sense of humor and kind heart. With an impressive wit and knack for languages, he's fluent in seven languages (Arabic, English, French, German, Hindi, Mandarin and Spanish) aside from his native tongue. He fell in love with International Relations when he was nine and studied Economics and Finance at Bahcesehir University (2008-2011), hoping to follow his father's footsteps and become a diplomat.

To please his mother, he studied Law in Cambridge (2012-2015), worked with her for six months and quit to spent a month traveling with his father. He returned to Cambridge to get a Msc in International Relations and Politics (2016-2018), getting his first job at UK Parliament, where he worked with Earl Vincent Foredale.

He enrolled in MBA Economics and Management at Cornell University (2018-2021) and now works as an envoy of Türkiye in the USA, taking a job as legal advisor right after that.

What's his family like?

The Osmanoğlu family (on his father side) is composed by direct descentants from the House of Osman. When the Ottoman Empire fell, his grandfather Sehzade Osman was exiled in the UK with his family, then moved to the United States, where he married and lived most of his life. Most of his relatives live in Germany, UK or USA, but they still gather every year for festivities. All Osmanoğlu members follow Muslim traditions, but living in western countries made them inclined to a modern lifestyle.

The Doğan family (on his mother side), however, is more traditional. Mostly composed by women, they live in the same neighborhood and gather around at least twice per month. Filthy rich, pragmatic and meddlesome, they often interfere on younger relatives career choices, friendships and relationships, calling family meetings and interventions whenever they see fit. Though Hamid loves his mother and aunts dearly, their intrusive habits are among the reasons why he moved out of his family's house and doesn't have plans to live permanently in Turkiye again.

Favourite childhood memory: sailing with his father, grandfather and uncle.

Nicknames: Aslan (among the men in his family), Osman (among friends at school/university because of the name on his football jersey), Hamidciğim (most women in his family call him that, but according to him, this petname sounds more endearing to him when Daphne calls)

Astrology sign: Sagittarius sun, Aquarius rising, Cancer moon

Hobbies: Driving, fishing, reading, cooking, MMORPG

Relationship status: In a relationship with Daphne Wang

Top 5 songs:

Burcu Güneş - Sen Benimsin, Ben Seninim

Emre Aydın - Hoşçakal

Paul McCartney - My Love

Coldplay - A Message

Norah Jones - Come Away With Me

Favourite books:

The Twenty-One Balloons by Pene du Bois

The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk

Poems of Nâzım Hikmet (1986 edition)

Favourite movies:

Psycho (1960)

Spirited Away (2001)

Sonbahar (2008)

Favourite TV shows:

He likes most cooking TV shows, but his favourite is Masterchef Kids (he is amazed by talented children). From Netflix, his favourites are Sex Education, Aşk 101 and The Crown. But his all time favourites are period dramas (Magnificent Century, Magnificent Century: Kösem, The Great Seljuks: Guardians of Justice, Kuruluş Osman, Reign, The Tudors, The Spanish Princess...), He is also into K-Drama and Chinese drama because of Daphne and his sisters, but he only watches with them.

Biggest guilty pleasure:

watching Daphne's trashy TV reality shows while eating greasy food. He's not entirely ashamed of the greasy food and says it motivates him to exercise more in the next day, but will blantantly deny liking Love Island, Love is Blind and Say Yes To The Dress.

Sweet or savoury?

Normally he says both, but when push comes to shove, he'll choose savoury.

Favourite food:

Menemen, kofte burger, ramen, baklava

Favourite drinks:

Non-alcoholic - Turkish coffee, cappucino, Turkish tea, pomegranate juice, strawberry daiquiri mocktail

Alcoholic - Irish coffee, rakı, wine

Most treasured possessions:

A Ducati Panigale V4R and A. Lange & Söhne Lange 1 Zeitzone watch with his initials engraved in the back.

Close Friends:

Sevim Osmanoğlu (OC), Yusuf Konevi, Ali Koveni (OC), Sanem Konevi (OC), Veronica Dantas (OC), Bartholomew Chambers.

Goals for the future:

Travel to Sub-Saharan Africa, take Daphne to travel with him more often, buying an apartment in London.

Dog lover or cat lover?

Both (don't expect him to choose)

Early bird or night owl?

Early bird (unless he's jetlagged)

How does he relax after a bad day?

When he's alone, he goes jogging or driving to clear his head then finds something to eat. When he's with Daphne, he stays home with her, preferably resting his head on her lap as they watch movies.

Personality: ENFP-A (Assertive Campaigner)

Campaigners (ENFPs) are true free spirits – outgoing, openhearted, and open-minded. With their lively, upbeat approach to life, they stand out in any crowd. But even though they can be the life of the party, Campaigners don’t just care about having a good time. These personality types run deep – as does their longing for meaningful, emotional connections with other people.

One random headcanon:

During his teenhood, he used to play MMORPG with then Prince Liam of Cordonia and Drake Walker during late nights. He's not as close to the King of Cordonia as he used be, but they're still good friends. He attended the King's coronation, the King's engagement parties to Lady Madeleine and Lady Jade, the bachelor party in Paris and wedding to Queen Jade. He was also invited to the bachelor + bachelorette party in Vegas, but politely declined because he was preparing himself for the interviews for the MBA at Cornell University.

[crossedwithblue]

fuck it all the questions I guess

OOOOOkay here we go! (for some reason it's forcing me to include this in the bullet list)

1:A song you like with a color in the title: Whoreson Prison Blues

2:A song you like with a number in the title: 99 Red Balloons (could also have worked for the previous question hehe)

3:A song that reminds you of summertime: Havana by Camila Cabelo

4:A song that reminds you of someone you would rather forget about: Not over You by Tessa Violet. I still like the song but could do without some of the associations.

5:A song that needs to be played LOUD: Emergency by Icona Pop

6:A song that makes you want to dance: London Thumakda

7:A song to drive to: uhhh I don't drive but Marlene on the Wall is a good song to be driven to

8:A song about drugs or alcohol: the closest I can think of is Die Slow by Venus and the Moon

9:A song that makes you happy: Drunks on a Boat by the Sweetchunks Band (yes I know, terrible band name but I think they're very funny), also Bombastic by Bonnie McKee and Kill of the Night by Gin Wigmore

10:A song that makes you sad: Painter Song by Norah Jones

11:A song that you never get tired of: Movement by Hozier

12:A song from your preteen years: Rasputin and Brown Girl in the Ring (my mum liked Boney M lol)

13:One of your favorite 80’s songs: not quite 80s but Wuthering Heights

14:A song that you would love played at your wedding: I feel like this would depend on my spouse, like it would have to be a song we both loved? So I can't pick one for a slow dance but (might be cheating to repeat it) but I'd have to bust it down to London Thumakda

15:A song that is a cover by another artist: easy - Jennifer Warnes' cover of Joan of Arc

16:One of your favorite classical songs: oh where do I even start? currently I'm really enjoying Janet Baker's recording of Sea Pictures by Elgar bc my orchestra is going to play it! An all-time favourite would be the Largo from the Bach concerto for double violin, or as a cellist, I do have to give Le Cygne a shoutout!

17:A song that would sing a duet with on karaoke: In A Year by Hozier and Karen Cowley. the harmonies are *chef's kiss* and I could probably sing the lower part from memory

18:A song from the year that you were born: apparently Say My Name came out in 2000!

19:A song that makes you think about life: First Love by Emmy the Great

20:A song that has many meanings to you: answered this one already but The Shore by Wiretree

21:A favorite song with a person’s name in the title: Jackie and Wilson by Hozier

22:A song that moves you forward: No Plan by Hozier (yes I know that's the third or fourth Hozier song. I just really love Hozier)

23:A song that you think everybody should listen to: kinda struggling with this one like I don't think my taste is subjective lol. however I unironically think everyone should listen to WAP and think about their reaction to it and like, if it makes them uncomfortable, question whether they have the same pearl-clutching reaction to male rappers talking about their dicks, and why they have an issue with a genuinely fun, clever and unashamed song about female sexuality (also it's just objectively a good song)

24:A song by a band you wish were still together: again idk, i've never really been invested in a band just for the sake of it. however I would love the Pitch Perfect girlies to do an actual world tour so let's say their cover of Cheap Thrills or I Don't Like It, I Love It or even Love On Top since they did that one OOC as a fundraiser

25:A song by an artist no longer living: once again where do I even start lol.

26:A song that makes you want to fall in love: ehhhh I think I'm too aro for this shit. maybe Honeybee by Steam Powered GIraffe, just bc I realised I wanted them on this list.

27:A song that breaks your heart: Wish That You Were Here by Florence and the Machine

28:A song by an artist with a voice that you love: Barefoot by kd lang. voice like a velvet bedspread.

29:A song that you remember from your childhood: ok im having a bit of a crisis rn bc i'm thinking of a specific Bollywood song that I used to dance to with my aunt (a cool young 20something when I was a small child) and I can't remember how it goes any more :') but it was very peppy and we danced to it a lot

30:A song that reminds you of yourself: oh this is so hard! Steampunk Pixie by Frenchie and the Punk when I'm in an energetic mood, Village by Cam when I'm not, and in general and more recently, All Things End by Hozier which I do find a little difficult to listen to bc it's so raw for me lmao

@zackarley tagging you just to make sure you don't miss it after i typed all of this stuff out lol

[amoveablejake]

My Five Key Songs of January 2023

The first one up to bat. 

January always has a reputation that it feels like a longer month and really, I think that can be justified. It certainly feels like it has been a good ol stretch since new year’s day and that it has taken quite a while to get here but, now that we are on the precipice of February I can’t quite believe it. This has been the first chapter of 2023 and it has felt like a well rounded one at that, a full month that whenever its over the rest of the year seems to pick up speed. January is a month where the year ahead finds its feet and that can be the same with the song choices for this month perhaps setting a tone for the music choices that are to come in the rest of the year. Notice the ‘perhaps’.

First up, ‘Kaikai Kitan’ by Lofi Lia. 

One of the problems that I face when trying to compile this lists, other than trying to whittle the list down to only five choices and to decide what the key song is going to be, is to not have my choices be all recent hits. I need to look back at the whole month and to cast my mind back which can be harder than it sounds when I have had songs from over the last few days or week that appear, at that time, to eclipse everything else. One song however, that still stands tall from the early days of January is Lofi Lia’s cover of the ‘Jujitsu Kaisen’ title theme, or at least one of them, ‘Kaikai Kitan’. Lofi Lia continues to be one of my go to artists to turn to when I need some music to have in the background or to breathe to. How Lofi Lia can take a song like ‘Kaikai Kitan’ which is bursting with rushing momentum and action and calm it down and turn it into a gentle, reassuring track is very impressive indeed and the masterstroke here is that this cover still conveys the same feelings that the series title sequence evokes with its visuals but here its only through the audio format. Lofi Lia’s work really did takeover the beginning of the month for me and as I listen to ‘Kaikai Kitan’ again now I can completely see why. 

Second up on the round up, ‘Fade Away’ by Norah Jones and Logic. 

When I was growing up my Mum played Norah Jones a great deal and hearing her incredibly beautiful voice always reminds me of my childhood. Here, as part of her podcast, Norah Jones has worked with Logic to create a song that will hopefully be the beginning of a new musical partnership as the two artists work together extremely well. But also, from a personal note hearing them together feels, rather personal. Norah Jones as I say, always makes me think of my childhood and over the past six years Logic has been a hugely important artist for me and I have said before is perhaps my artist more than anyone else for the impact that he, his music and all other creative ventures have had on me through these times. Hearing the two artists together here does almost feel like this song was made for me or at the very least that it was always meant to reach my headphones and be a hit for me. Logic recently hinted that their might be more to come from the Norah Jones collaboration and oh boy do I hope thats true. 

The third entry for January 2023 is ‘Megane’ OSC.

When I look at the notes for what could have featured on this list for the key songs for January 2023, I must admit that it is one of the hardest months that I have had to compile a list for. Getting to this five was tough and in some cases the selection criteria was more down to what do I think may come back again in the future and what might only be for now. Then beyond that, choosing what the key song for this month should be is very difficult and I feel like it could change any moment so I’m racing through this before I rip up everything to start again with a whole new selection. But. If I did rip everything up, if I did start again with a new set of tracks I think, no, I know that ‘Megane’ by OSC would still be there. How could it not be. ‘Megane’ reminded me of the strength of Vapourwave as a genre and when I heard its train track opening for the first time it slowly drew me in before its building rhythm struck me like a lightning bolt. OSC had a firm place on my 2022 roster and for 2023 it is looking like that won’t change. 

I am number four or rather this song is, ‘Via Chicago’ by Wilco. 

Sigh. Why is ‘Via Chicago’ not the key song of the month. Well, I suppose its because as it stands I think that it might be the key song for 2023. And yes, I did say that about ‘Megane’ in a previous album of the week piece but ‘Via Chicago’ is up there aswell. When I first heard ‘Via Chicago’ it was in the brilliant series ‘The Bear’ and it took me a minute to realise who it was who was singing. I should have known. I should have known because each day it is becoming clearer and clearer to me how I feel about Wilco. I say each day because I am listening to Wilco every single day, often as the first tracks that I listen to and then the last. Wilco’s music is becoming, what am I saying, has become a staple of my everyday and those thoughts that I have mentioned in the past where I talk about how I’m not sure how I feel about Wilco are clearing. Like the morning fog coming in from the sea, its starting to fade away and I’m realising how I feel about the band as the air becomes clear around me. I said once that I’m not sure how I feel about Wilco because I wasn’t clear on how much they mean to me and how much I adore them. Well, I don’t think I’m unclear anymore and ‘Via Chicago’ is one track that helped clarify.

And after all of that, the key song for January 2023 is, ‘Fate of Life’ by Sven Libaek. 

In June of 2022 I listened to the first two songs of Sven Libaek’s ‘Inner Space’ or rather the lost film music of Sven Libaek. I adored the opening two songs, I became obsessed with them however, I never went beyond them into the rest of the album. The first two tracks seemed to be enough for months and months. Six to be exact. And then, one day I did stumble further into the album and as I listened to ‘Fate of Life’ I wondered where the hell had I been. I don’t really know how to describe ‘Fate of Life’ or its sound except that I think that if those who know me most heard this song they would know that it was a song that I would fall head over heels for. Sometimes when I listen to songs that I completely and utterly love I picture myself listening to them in a certain place or rather within a certain memory to see if they work there and if they do, then they tend to become one of my absolute favourite songs. Not just for the month or for the year but forever. As I picture myself now listening to ‘Fate of Life’ in that unnamed place, it works. Oh yes, it fits the daydream perfectly. 

So there we have it, the first five key songs of 2023. As I say, it was a rather hard list to put together and a fair few special songs have been missed off it but only because I do believe that they will come back in the future. Or they might not and other tracks will take their place. We’ll have to see as 2023 continues to unfold and to write its story on and on and on. 

-Jake, a man happy with the above list - for now, 29/01/2023 

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

VO: “... she continued her emotional descent, and a week later, checked into a hospital with severe depression. Identity, she concluded, was not something to play around with.”

Norah: “When you mess around with that, you really mess around with something that you need, that helps you function. And I found out that gender lives in your brain, and it’s something much more than costume. And I really learned that the hard way.”

--

Norah: “Men are suffering. They have different problems than women have, but they don’t have it better. They need our sympathy, they need our love, and they need each other more than anything else. They need to be together.”

Interviewer: “Do you think women understand what it’s like to be a man?”

Norah: “Not at all. No clue. No idea.”

Messing around in gender ideology will come back to bite you. You can’t just “identify as” without consequences. Who you are is not a set of labels you can just try on and take off like trying on clothes to create an outfit.

I could use the term “crack-up” to characterize what happened next, but it doesn’t really describe what it felt like. “Nervous breakdown” is another handy term of art, but it too does little more than brand the experience as some filmable catastrophe that makes for good TV. The reality was not nearly so dramatic. There was no earthquake. The floor of my house didn’t open and swallow the furniture.

It was all very quiet, as if I had gone out one day to do errands and come home to a summer house where all the chairs and tables had been covered with sheets.

[..]

The deeper cause was in Ned, inherent to him, and had been there from the start. First of all, Ned was an impostor and impostors who aren’t sociopaths eventually implode. Assuming another identity is no simple affair, even when it doesn’t involve a sex change. It takes constant effort, vigilance and energy. A lot of energy. It’s exhausting at the best of times. You are always afraid that someone knows you are not who you say you are, or will know immediately if you make even the slightest false step. You are outside yourself in two senses. First because you are always watching yourself from beside or above, trying to get the performance right and see the pitfalls coming, but also because you are always trying to inhabit the persona of someone who doesn’t exist, even on paper. You don’t have the benefit of a script or character treatment that can tell you how this person thinks, or what his childhood was like, or what he likes to do. He has no history and no substance, and being him is like being an adult thrown back into the worst of someone else’s awkward adolescence.

But there was more to it than that. Ned was also a man, albeit a Potemkin man, all facade and no substance, but I was still very much a woman peering through his windows, and the cognitive dissonance this set up was simply untenable in the long term, like holding two mutually exclusive ideas in my mind while trying to juggle and ride a bicycle at the same time.

Being him was a bit like being a zebra who is trying to pass himself off as a giraffe. Trying to be a man when you are a woman is not just being a horse of a different color, or a person who has traded in her old trappings for new ones: new clothes, new makeup and new hair. Through Ned I learned the hard way that my gender has roots in my brain, possibly biochemical ones, living very close to the core of my self-image. Inseparably close. Far, far closer than my race or class or religion or nationality, so close in fact as to be incomparable with these categories, though it is so often grouped with them in theory.When I plucked out, one by one, my set of gendered characteristics, and slotted in Ned’s, unknowingly I drove the slim end of a wedge into my sense of self, and as I lived as Ned, growing into his life and conjured place in the world, a fault line opened in my mind, precipitating small and then increasingly larger seismic events in my subconscious until the stratum finally gave.

[..]

Ned had built up in my system over time. This allowed me to convey him more convincingly as the project went on, but it was also what made me buckle eventually under his weight. It was to be expected. As one rare (rare because insightful) psychiatrist would later put it to me when I declared that my breakdown would surely impeach me as a narrator, and hence impugn the whole project: “On the contrary, having done what you did, I would have thought you were crazy if you hadn’t had a breakdown.”

[..]

In the end, the biggest surprise in Ned was how powerfully psychological he turned out to be. The key to his success was not in his clothing or his beard or anything else physical that I did to make him seem real. It was in my mental projection of him, a projection that became over time undetectable even to me. People didn’t see him with their eyes. They saw him in their mind’s eye. They saw what I wanted them to see, at least at first, while I still had control over the image. Then later they saw what they expected to see and what I had become without knowing it: the mind-set of Ned.

I know this to be true because in several situations late in the bowling season, for example, or late in my stay at the monastery, I stopped wearing my beard, my glasses, and even at times my binding, yet no one questioned my disguise. No one stopped seeing Ned. They were just as surprised as everyone else when I finally told them the truth. 

Even in the thick of the project when I went out into the world as myself, during the off periods when I was writing or taking a break from full-time Ned, people almost invariably mistook me for a man even when I was wearing a tight white T-shirt without a bra. Yet after I had finished the project, detoxed from Ned for several months and reclaimed my mental femininity, people everywhere addressed me as “ma’am” even in the dead of winter when I was wearing a black watch cap and a man’s navy peacoat.Knowing as I do now that my gendered state of mind could have such a powerful effect on other people’s perceptions of me, it is no wonder that that state of mind warped my own perceptions as strongly as it did.

[..]

As Ned wore on I found it increasingly difficult and then impossible to keep my male and female personae intact simultaneously. I have said already that it was like trying to sustain two mutually exclusive ideas in my mind at the same time, and that this cognitive dissonance essentially shut down my brain. To bring myself back from that blackout I had to learn to be my gendered self again and to exclude or even unlearn Ned. I could not live in both worlds at once, so I chose the side to which habit and upbringing have accustomed me, and to which my brain in all likelihood predisposes me.

I say I “chose,” but I use this word in only a limited sense, because I am not sure how much meaningful choice we can exercise in these matters. I think I chose to be Ned somewhat the way a gay person can choose to get married. I put on the trappings, adopted the behaviors and even hypnotized myself into the mentality. But by going through the motions of manhood I did not substantively change my bedrock gender identity any more than one can change one’s sexual preference by adopting a heterosexual lifestyle. Rather than choosing to become a woman again, it is probably truer to say that I reverted to form. I stopped faking it. I came back to myself, and in doing so I forfeited, as I had to, my insider status in the other camp.

-- Norah Vincent, “Self-Made Man” (2006)

This breakdown resulted in her subsequent book, “Voluntary Madness.”

[ash-and-books]

Rating: 3/5

Book Blurb: A sweet and swoony contemporary Young Adult novel about a cross-country family road trip that puts one girl and her childhood best friend on an unexpected road to romance! Norah hasn’t seen her childhood best friend, Skyler, in years. When he first moved away, they'd talk all the time, but lately their relationship has been reduced to liking each other’s Instagram posts. That’s why Norah can’t wait for the joint RV road trip their families have planned for the summer. But when Skyler finally arrives, he seems...like he’d rather be anywhere else. Hurt and confused, Norah reacts in kind. Suddenly, her oldest friendship is on the rocks. An unexpected summer spent driving across the country leads both Norah and Skyler down new roads and to new discoveries. Before long, they are, once again, seeing each other in a different light. Can their friendship-turned-rivalry turn into something more?

Review:

Estranged childhood best friends reunited for a cross-country family road trip filled with secrets, romance, and friendship. Norah hasn’t seen her childhood best friend Skyler in years and after their friendship fizzled out she doesn’t know what to expect when seeing him again. One thing she did not expect was to be treated with the cold shoulder and treating her like he’d be anywhere but there with her. Hurt and confused Norah decides to do the same, expect the more time their families spend together and the more they are forced to interact with one another the more Norah will discover out why their friendship died out and what secret her mom has been hiding. It doesn’t help that her brother is acting strangely and her other best friend is in love with a secret person. I generally really do love Kasie West books and while this one nailed the childhood friends turned lovers theme, it also felt a bit anti-climatic at times and honestly having Skyler treat her like the plague for about 50% of was not helping and then he suddenly was nice again? Really? At one point I had just hoped they would only be friends because honestly it just didn’t feel like there were any sparks between them. Norah is also trying to get into her dream school and part of the road trip is for her to go do an interview for them. Throw in some fun sight seeing, a nice and cute boy who she keeps running into, and a journal from her childhood and you get one heck of a roadtrip. Overall it was an okay book, not my one of my favorites but it definitely was a sweet read for the most part.

*Thanks Netgalley and Random House Children's, Delacorte Press for sending me an arc in exchange for an honest review*

[biotic-boshtet]

15, 28 and 59 in the OC asks for Norah Jean

thank you so much! im glad you enjoyed the ones i sent in for Charley!

Questions Here!

15. What was your OC’s childhood like?

Not as unstable as most spacer kids, he's got a brother about 5 years younger than her, Jamie, and they lived with their dad, Rossano. He tended to snag longer postings than Hannah, who pinballed her way across 3 fleets in 20 years. The longest they stayed in one place was when Rossano got stationed at the garrison on Arcturus Station in 2162. He kept that posting until after Jamie graduated high school. Norah Jean had a pretty run of the mill childhood.

28. How did your OC and his/her soulmate meet?

Ok, so, obviously her soulmate is Kaidan, and officially they meet when he reports for duty on the Normandy. But back in 2177, Kaidan is part of the first team to hit the ground on Akuze the morning after they lose contact with the platoon. He wasn't the first medic to notice there was a survivor, he was just the first to get to her. This poor woman was barely consious, delirious from pain and blood loss, with an amp so overclocked it might burst into flames at any second. And Kaidan just quietly talks to her as he works, then later, sticking beside her until they dock at the Citadel to transfer her to a hospital. Years later, Norah Jean wonders why Kaidan's voice makes her feel so safe.

59. What does your OC think of him/herself?

Pre/during ME1, Norah Jean is full of unshakable confidence, she knows her skillset and exactly how to use it. She hits a snag and she takes it in stride. Commander Shepard and Norah Jean are the same person. Until everything starts to get swept under the rug. The red tape and squeaky clean Official Story chip away at her surety in herself and for a moment she wonders if she really does know what happened?

Cue ME2 and that whole shitshow and Norah Jean is struggling with the loss of 2 years, with the trauma of dying and remembering most of it, and of not being sure who she is anymore. She looks in the mirror and isn't certain she recognizes the woman staring back. It really shakes her, and she finds herself hiding more and more behind Commander Shepard, because everyone in the galaxy knows the Commander, next to nobody knows who Norah Jean is.

Post Arrival DLC and the beginning of ME3 have Norah Jean drifting. She has no idea who she is anymore. She loathes herself for the people she couldn't save. The person in the mirror is a stranger, because it surely cannot be her. But she can't sit with it for long, because then Earth is invaded and Norah Jean is pulled back into the fray. and slowly she finds her sense of purpose again. Norah Jean and Commander Shepard are still different people, but they're slowly getting closer together.

[stylesnews]

In a decade, Harry Styles has gone from teenage heartthrob to a global pop star in his own right. As he's distanced himself from his adolescent years as a member of One Direction, he's become his own person, starring in the 2017 blockbuster Dunkirk, hosting Saturday Night Live and creating music that pulls from a variety of influences.

Styles released his second solo album Fine Line late last year, and in addition to showcasing some of those influences and his talents as a songwriter, it was also a huge commercial success, with the biggest U.S. sales week for a British male artist since Eric Clapton's Unplugged in 1992.

But Styles says he spent a lot of time rethinking his idea of success after touring his self-titled album. "I think if you're making what you want to make, then ultimately no one can tell you you're unsuccessful, because you're doing what makes you happy," he says.

NPR's Mary Louise Kelly spoke to Harry Styles about his love of Fleetwood Mac and finding freedom in the music of the '70s, what he would say to his 16-year-old self and nail polish. Listen in the player above and read on for a transcript of their full conversation.

Mary Louise Kelly: Your most recent album seems tied up in the '70s, which is a decade you didn't actually live through. What is it about that era that draws you in?

There's a freedom in the music that is so inspiring. If you go back and listen to so much of that music, and you listen to songs from [Carole King's] Tapestry and Harry Nilsson songs, they sound so fresh. I think it's crazy that something that was made so long ago, you can listen to it now and be like "I want my drums to sound like these drums, and I want my strings to sound like these strings." I think that's really incredible. And I think it's just the freedom, it's people doing what they wanted to do. Obviously, the music business has changed so much since then — there was a lot more of everybody hanging out together and playing songs, and I feel like music is a lot more competitive now.

And is it maybe a little more produced now? Less organic?

I think we just have different technology. When we came to do my first solo album, I had this thing where I wanted to do everything to tape. And then I kind of realized that The Beatles didn't use tape because it was really cool to use, they used it because it was the best technology they had [at the time] and it sounded the best. And now we just have different ways of recording stuff and you can make stuff sound really nice — so we kind of abandoned the tape thing. Overall what draws me to that time with music is just the freedom.

Was making Fine Line sound like the music of the '70s a conscious choice?

I'm not listening to stuff so much anymore being like "I just want my stuff to sound like this." You grow up listening to what your parents listen to. For me it was the [Rolling] Stones, Beatles, Fleetwood [Mac], a lot of Queen, Elvis Presley, Shania Twain, Savage Garden, Norah Jones. That was kind of like the base of what my first experience with music was, and I feel like you can't help but have a lot of references from what you grew up listening to [in your own music].

Speaking of Fleetwood Mac, I saw you've gotten to know and work with Stevie Nicks. What's that like, to get to know someone who was the soundtrack of your childhood and go out on stage with them?

It borders on an out-of-body experience. "Dreams" was the first song I knew all the words to; I used to sing it in the car with my mom. Every time I'm with her, you want to be, obviously, present, right? I'm trying to enjoy being with her and soaking in. But I think at the same time, while you're in the room with her, I'm sitting there thinking about being 10-years-old and singing the song.

Does it matter if you're super famous yourself?

I don't think so, because ultimately we're all humans. It's not like paralyzing starstruck, it's more like I try and appreciate what my 10-year-old self would think of it. I think ultimately you meet [other famous people] and you're kind of in awe of them, but at the same time you get to hang out with them on this human level, where you're just talking and it's really amazing.

Those are the moments that kind of mean the most because it's real. And when everything else about being in music goes away, that's the stuff that I think you end up telling your grandkids. For example, with Stevie, my favorite moments about it aren't usually the show, it's the practicing. When we first played together, it was at the Troubadour — famously, where Elton John did his first U.S. show — and it was an amazing moment, but my favorite was soundchecking. It's like four people in there and just us singing in the empty Troubadour. For me, that's a moment that I'm going to hold on to.

Speaking of moments where you wish you could tell your younger self "Buddy, you have no idea": 10 years ago when you auditioned for the British reality show X Factor, the judge Simon Cowell asked you "What do you want to do with your life, what are your future plans?" You said you were going back to college in the fall to study "law, sociology, business and something else, but I'm not sure yet."

There's a lot of us who wanted to be a rock star and ended up being lawyers. You've gone the other way. Is it funny listening back to yourself? What do you wish you could tell your 16-year-old self?

I guess like "Don't worry." In the early years, I spent a lot of time worrying about what would happen and getting things wrong and saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing. I'm trying to let go of the worrying thing, and that's what I've loved the most about this album, rather than the first one. I think I had a lot of fear — whether it was conscious or subconsciously — just about getting it wrong. When I listen back to the first album now, although I still love it so much, I feel like I was almost bowling with the bumpers up a little bit. I can hear places where I was playing it safe.

When I listen back to the first album now, although I still love it so much, I feel like I was almost bowling with the bumpers up a little bit. I can hear places where I was playing it safe.

I think with this one, after touring with an album that wasn't necessarily a radio record and people came to see the show, I realized that the only thing that people really want is for you to do what you want to do. Ultimately, I think if people believe in you, you can make a bad record, you can make a bad song, and people will still come to a show if they're interested and they want to come see you. I think the only time people go "You know what? I'm done with this," is when it stops being authentic. You can't really blame people for that. If there's an artist I loved and I felt like they were faking it, I can't say that I'd keep going to the shows. I think that was a big thing for me, just trying to worry less. The worst thing that can happen is that I make a record that I think everybody else wants to hear, and then it doesn't do well. And you sit there going "Well I wish I'd just made the record that I wanted to make." I think if you're making what you want to make, then ultimately no one can tell you you're unsuccessful, because you're doing what makes you happy. That's the biggest thing that I learned this time.

You dress amazingly. You wear suits, but they're patterned and florals and you had that blouse that got all the attention at last year's Met Gala. I noticed you're wearing nail polish, and you do wear clothing that blurs traditional lines sometimes. What are you hoping people take from that? Is it just "This is what I want to wear, deal with it" or are you trying to send any kind of message?

For me, it's not like doing it to send a message. Part of being on the last tour, when people came to watch the show, I realized "Oh, these people just want to see me be myself, and I'm telling them to be themselves." And I just didn't want to be a hypocrite. I do it when I'm not working, so to me it doesn't feel like it's "Oh, I'm sending a message with my nail polish." I just put a lot less weight behind it, I think. And sometimes I forget, because I'll go somewhere and someone will be like "Have you got nail polish on?" I'm lucky that I work in an industry that allows you to be creative and express yourself, and I'd encourage it to anybody.

Can you tell us about a favorite song on the album?

My two favorite songs on this album are probably "Cherry" and "Fine Line." "Cherry" is the fifth song on the album. It's one of my favorites, mostly because of how it came about. When I started making this album ... I felt like it had to be big. The last record wasn't really a radio record: The single ["Sign of the Times"] from it was a 6-minute piano ballad, so it wasn't the typical formula. So I felt a bit of pressure that I wanted to make something that worked. I was trying this stuff one night in the studio, and I was worried because I just wasn't really liking anything that I was doing. I felt like I was trying too hard. That's when I make the music that I like the least, is when I'm trying to write a pop song or I'm trying to write something fun.

Everybody left for the weekend, and it was me, Tyler Johnson, who I work with, and Sammy Witte. It was two or three in the morning, and we were having a drink and just talking. I was saying how I have all these records that I'd love to make, I love all this kind of music and in five years I want to make this kind of record, and in 10 years I want to make this kind of album, and then I'll get to make the music that I really want to make. And Tyler just said "You just have to make the music that you want to make — right now. That's the only way of doing it, otherwise you're going to regret it."

And "Cherry" was the result of that?

Yeah, so we stayed and Sammy started playing the guitar riff, and we did it through the night and recorded it. Everybody came back in the morning and listened to it ... I heard it when it was finished and was like "This is the kind of music I want to make."

How did you write "Fine Line?"

"Fine Line" I wrote [during] a gap in the tour. It was January 2018 and I was at my friend Tom's house, who I work with, and we just started strumming this thing, and we started layering these vocals, and it turned into this 6-minute thing. I had it for a long time and I kept listening to it during the tour, like I'd listen to it before I went to bed. Just sonically I loved the song, and I loved the lyrics of the song. When we wrote it, I kind of knew it was the last song of an album, and we ended up taking it to Bath, in England, where I was making this record for a while. I wanted it to turn into something else at the end, I wanted like a big crescendo ending. While we were in Bath, Sammy started playing this little thing on the piano, and I tweaked it a little bit and I was like "That has to go at the end of 'Fine Line.' " Now when I listen to it, it's one of those things where I'm just proud that it's mine, I'm so happy. It's one of those songs that I've always wanted to make.

[chaosride]

A Divine Appointment (x7)

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” — Franklin P. Jones

Their next weekly Wicked Grace night was interesting. Anders had tried to beg off with the reasoning of not wanting to leave the kids alone all night at the clinic, and Varric had easily told him to bring the kids with him. Anders had expected Norah to run them off, as the owner had made it clear that the Hanged Man was a place for drinking and gambling. However that night Norah had just waved them through towards the stairs to Varric’s quarters. At Anders’ questioning look, Norah shrugged.

“New management,” was all she told him.

It was really all the explanation needed; the Hanged Man changed hands so often between the shadier figures of Kirkwall’s underground that they were under new management every other week it seemed. It was something that made Varric rhapsodize about how the Hanged Man deserved a better owner, someone who knew what they were doing and deserved her. It was no secret that the someone the dwarf had in mind was himself. Anders hoped he wouldn’t be too irritable about it tonight- it made him ruthless in cards.

Varric, however, was cheerful as ever when they got to his room. Hawke, Fenris and Isabela were already there. Aveline was going to come later after her patrol and had asked to bring Donnic along. They chatted as Anders settled at the table with them, allowing the twins to sit in his lap when neither would tolerate being put down. He rolled his eyes as Isabela cooed at them but allowed Cahir to go to her regardless. Primarily because he knew who the boy was really wanting to go to. He chuckled when Isabela called Cahir a traitor when he immediately began squirming in her hold, trying to get to Fenris. The elf let out a very put upon sigh but he was smiling when he took Cahir from her.

“You are very determined, I’ll give you that,” Fenris told Cahir.

The boy had settled down once in Fenris’ lap. Anders determinedly did not stare at them together; Cahir was skittish and didn’t like to be held by many people. He sought out even fewer as actively as he went to Fenris anytime the warrior was around. The sight of them made Anders want things to be different, despite the fact that he had more than he ever expected to. So instead he determinedly pulled the tie free from Cat’s hair and rebraided her curly red hair so it was away from her little face. Anders had learned if he didn’t she would pull at it until it came out in clumps in her small fists.

The mage had worried that the kids would get bored, but he supposed he should have known better. The entire group had learned to sit still and entertain themselves in order to avoid unneeded attention. Even the twins, young as they were, seemed to have learned it, sitting quietly with them at the table and watching them play with curious eyes. Tanner, Rosalyn and Bree had settled on the open stretch of floor a little away from the table, talking quietly amongst themselves as they played some game they had created with pebbles Tanner had produced from his pocket. Raelnor had sat with them at the table at Hawke’s merry invitation for him to join the game.

Anders had thought the entire walk over that he should bring something for them to do but he didn’t have anything. At the clinic they normally chased each other around or played games together but unlike other children they didn’t get loud or unruly without his attention on them really. The older of the kids had become quite adept at entertaining their younger siblings when no adults were around to mind the toddlers, and with them occupied were happy to sit quietly together all evening.

In the end they hadn’t even made it through an entire round before it clearly bothered Varric too much to continue. He laid his cards down despite it being his turn and stood up.

“Y’know, I got a cousin who owns a toy shop, I’m sure I’ve got some of his stuff around here,” he had said.

To anyone who didn’t know him, it would have been a convincing lie but Anders knew there wasn’t a single member of Varric’s family with any such business. The lie was confirmed with how quickly the rogue located the box of toys he presented to the children to go through. Raelnor was watching him with the same puzzled face he used to direct at Anders; bafflement at someone doing them a kindness with no expectation of anything in return.

Bree, the sweetheart that she was, had brought over a small selection of toys for the twins to choose from, showing first Cat then Cahir the ones she had thought they would like. Cahir had latched onto a small rattle drum which he clumsily waved until Fenris gently corrected his grip and showed him how to roll it between his palms to make the small beads hit the drum more consistently. Cat’s choice had been a carved wooden horse with wings and little wheels attached to its hooves. As she rolled it back and forth on the table in front of him, Anders resigned himself to picking it up a thousand times throughout the night as she lost her grip on it. Once content that the twins had gotten something as well, Bree returned to Tanner and Rosalyn. The dwarven boy was showing Rosalyn how to make the top spin with a practiced hand, and gave a proud grin when the girls exclaimed at how long he got it to spin.

Pleased with himself, Varric retook his seat and took his turn. He shrugged his shoulders amicably at Anders’ knowing look without a hint of shame. The healer wasn’t going to complain; he knew the kids needed toys, they just weren’t expenses he could afford. Technically he couldn’t afford to feed himself and seven kids but he was making it work. Mostly.

“So, you had any luck?” Hawke asked Raelnor, who had been sullenly studying his cards.

Raelnor had been moody and temperamental since he had lost his job at the docks. Burgess had been upset that Fenris had interrupted the fights. He had even accused Raelnor of setting him up since someone had massively outbid him at the last moment before the fights and took the entire betting pool in result.

Raelnor had pointed out that he didn’t exactly have the money to place a big enough bet to more than double Burgess’ bet, which was what it would have taken for the mystery gambler to take all the winnings from the betting rather than just a portion. He had bit his tongue to avoid mentioning that without Burgess setting the rule of the whole pot going to the top bet if it was more than twice the second highest bet to benefit himself, he wouldn’t have lost everything. Of course, he had been correct but it hadn’t helped him keep his job.

Anders couldn’t blame his sour mood- Raelnor had spent years knowing he had to make money for any of them to survive, the only one besides Delilah remotely old enough to work a regular job.  Every person that turned him away was a personal failure to Raelnor, no matter how Anders told him they would figure it out. The assurance that there were people around now who would make sure the kids didn’t starve only served to make the teenager complain of feeling useless, like deadweight.

Anders mourned the childhood the boy had clearly given up in favor of caring for the younger children. He wished he could tell Raelnor not to worry about money or finding another job even as he knew logically they needed the extra income for food and necessities for the kids.

“Nothing yet. The only place willing to hire Fereldans, much less one as young as me, is the Bone Pit-”

“I would rather pay to not have to go there,” Varric said.

“Bad news, that place,” Isabela agreed.

“Yeah, don’t take that,” Hawke told him.

“But my overbearing mum told me I would not be working there under any circumstances,” Raelnor finished. He scowled at his hand of cards and set it down face up to show he was folding.

“Yes I did,” Anders told him. “I would rather you not be turned into mincemeat by giant spiders or blighted dragons, Rae,” he began, which the boy waved away dismissively. It was an argument they had revisited a few times since the subject came up.

“Yeah, yeah, like I said mum here said I couldn’t take that one so I’m still looking.”

“Well, that’s good, then,” Varric told Raenor. “It would mean you can’t come to work for me. Think you can handle serving food during the day here?”

“What? You can’t seriously be offering to pay me to come run and tote for you all day.”

“Well, Norah works nights here and they’re going to start serving more meals during the day.”

“Ah, Varric, I know you basically run it but I don’t think you can just offer him a job here.”

The dwarf grinned, the kind he only wore when he was especially proud of whatever trickery he had managed. Usually when one upping petty criminals or raining fire on unsuspecting enemies with Bianca from the backlines.

“Oh, I didn’t mention? I recently came into possession of a little something that gives me a bit more say about what happens here than before.”

Oh, Anders thought, remembering the look Norah had given him earlier when he came in with the children.

“You’re the new management.”

“Aw Blondie, why did you have to steal my thunder? I wanted to deliver it all dramatically,” Varric pouted. When Anders just raised an eyebrow he chuckled and confirmed, “yeah, I’m the new management.”

“Good on you Varric!” Hawke praised.

“Now you can stop bringing it up to Aveline,” Fenris said.

“I know, she was no help.”

“You’re who out bet Burgess,” Raelnor realized.

“The bookie who he had working the fights is an old friend of mine, he was happy to tell me how much he bet and lied about who I betted for. Figured he wouldn’t give you a fair cut even if you did take the dive for him. Sorry if I caused any trouble for you, kid.”

For the first time since being fired, Raelnor’s laugh was raucous and sincere.

“He only scheduled me for that fight because he figured he would kill me. Fuck that blighted nug-”

“Rae, language,” Anders scolded, mainly because all of the younger kids would no doubt repeat what he said, all eager to emulate their older brother. He tried to ignore how Fenris stifled his chortle into his drink he had been raising to his lips.

“Sorry, mum,” Raelnor said, still beaming. Varric winked at him.

“Can you start tomorrow at noon?”

“Yes sir!”

“Good to hear, you’ve got the job, on one condition.”

Raelnor hesitated, his eyes flicking to Anders then Fenris and back to Varric.

“Which is?” he asked nervously.

“No more fighting for money.”

“Done,” Raelnor said immediately. He had already promised Anders (and a tearful Bree) the same thing the morning after his last fight.

“Alright, I’ll show you around tomorrow. Welcome aboard.”

“Anders, we found one of your kids on our patrol,” Aveline called as soon as she and Donnic arrived. Delilah waved at them meekly at the mage when she followed the guardswoman in, Donnic bringing up the rear.

“I thought you were staying at the Rose tonight?” Anders asked her.

Delilah had a bunk there along with some of the other girls where she usually stayed after her shift. She would usually come to the clinic around midmorning to spend time with the kids, taking them out into town or bringing them odds and ends she thought they needed. She had been steadfastly stubborn about not needing anything, to give to the kids instead.

“I changed my mind, was hoping you wouldn’t mind me bunking with the kids tonight. I was fine waiting at the clinic but, uh,” she floundered, and looked at the guard-captain.

“Aveline,” the redheaded woman provided kindly, smiling. “I insisted.”

“Thanks Aveline. Delilah, you can stay whenever you like,” Anders told her.

“You know how to play Wicked Grace?” Isabela asked her.

“Boy, do I.”

---

Delilah continued to stay her nights at the clinic once she was off work. Working at the Blooming Rose usually meant she crept in during the early morning hours. The first few days she looked surprised to find that Anders had waited up for her, but after a few times she seemed to grow used to it. They had established a tradition of sorts; Anders would stop working on his manifesto for the evening when she arrived and they would brew tea and discuss their days before both going to bed.

It was a nice routine, and Anders hadn’t had quite enough of those in his life. Delilah had been very polite and distant at the start, even offering to pay Anders for watching the children. He was just glad she seemed to be warming up to him.

She seemed extra tired tonight though. It was later than she normally got home and Delilah was walking favoring one leg. Anders had noticed that something seemed to be going on with her; something that had made her stop feeling safe enough to sleep at the Rose and jump at corners. He wasn’t sure it was his place to push her though. The other children had been all but officially adopted as his charges. Even Raelnor had come around.

“Sorry, healer, you didn’t have to wait up for me,” she told him softly.

“I didn’t even realize how late it was,” Anders lied. “Here, come sit down and I’ll make us some tea.”

Her smile was weak but sincere. Anders put the lid on his inkwell (improvised, a necessity with kids running around and bumping into the desk) and put his work and quill away. He gave his knee a brisk rub before he got up. From how it and his elbow ached, it was going to storm soon. Delilah watched him as he gathered the tea pot and filled it with water.

“Healer, I can do it,” she said, getting up.

Anders flapped a hand at her and continued with making tea. Rather than the normal tea he normally made, he dug out the last of the mix he had made to help with pain. It was a little bitter but it did the trick. He winced when he stepped wrong and felt the bolt of pain shoot all the way up through his hip.

“Healer,” Delilah protested but Anders was already leveraging himself to sit in his chair in front of the fire beside her, the water coming to boil hanging in the fireplace.

“How many times have I told you to just call me Anders?”

“It just feels weird,” Delilah admitted.

Anders rolled his eyes but couldn’t help but smile. Delilah had tried to call him messere or serah at first but he had finally got her to stop doing that. Maybe one day she would refer to him by something other than a title but every step closer felt nice regardless.

“Guess you could be calling me mum instead,” Anders conceded.

Delilah giggled and glanced towards the back of the clinic where the rest of the kids were resting. Her expression was fond, if not a touch sad. She got up to get the teapot from its hook before Anders could once the water inside could be heard boiling. Delilah poured their cups with a practiced hand and set the tea in it to steep.

“Sorry if that bothers you,” she told him once she had sat back down. “Rae means it in a good way. His dad was terrible and wasn’t around much but he had his mum, even if she spent more time drinking and wailing on him than taking care of him. She’s basically his only concept of a parent, he probably never even considered calling you anything else. He just calls his dad William.”

“It doesn’t bother me. My father… wasn’t the best, usually so I understand that,” Anders admitted. He picked up his cup but didn’t drink from it, content to let its warmth leech into his hands.

“What… ah, you can tell me if it’s out of bound, but what was it like growing up?”

She asked so hesitantly that Anders found that he wanted to answer more than he wished to avoid thinking about his parents or the life he had had, all those years ago. Usually remembering it made him feel lonely and like he was twelve years old again, cut loose and thrown to the wolves.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked-” Delilah began to backtrack, her dark brows furrowed.

“No, sorry, it’s fine. I’m an only child, my parents moved out of the Anderfels to a small Fereldan village when I was very young, and we had a farm there. My mother was a caring soul, and she wanted more children but couldn’t have them. My dad was from a large family that was mainly still scattered all over the Anderfels. He was… bitter a lot because he was homesick. I remember I tried to learn his native language, and called him Táta when I was younger. I thought maybe it would make it… easier. It would be something special we shared, like my ma teaching me about healing. Eventually he told me to stop calling him that and just call him father. I think I disappointed him. His only son, flamboyant and more interested in cats and my mother’s garden of herbs than anything he considered boyish. He was the one who turned me into the Templars. I guess I should have just been happy that I had evaded the Circle as long as I had.”

Anders took a sip of his tea even though it was still much too hot for his taste. It helped force down the knot in his throat even if he still felt a bit like crying. He always felt like this when discussing his father; wistful for what could have been, if Anders hadn’t been so… Anders, shamed that he had not been enough for his own father, mournful and angry in equal measures with the cold, distant man who had wanted to love him so badly. His father had been sad under it all, plagued by darkness Anders could not have understood. More than once as a child when he had gone to his father in search of affection or comfort and had been turned away. Anders had sworn he would be a better father. As he had grown, Anders realized that perhaps his own father was a sign he shouldn’t be one himself. He often drowned in his own feelings of helplessness and desolation, he didn’t want to risk a child suffering for it.

Delilah reached to him and carefully tugged one hand from his cup to fold in her own.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize. For him to turn you in, Maker it’s awful,” she whispered. “I was lucky in some ways I think, since I never knew who my da was. I was just another brothel brat, and all the girls looked after all of us kids as their own.”

“Is that how you and the kids found each other?”

She shook her head, her lips pressed into a thin line.

“Our village avoided the worst of the blight, it was kind of out of the way, but a horde of Darkspawn were pushing in. The… Andraste, some of the villagers got the idea that if they locked the gate from the alienage to the rest of the city and set it on fire, everyone running out the other gate onto the road into the village would draw the Darkspawn that way and they could defend the village.”

“Did it work?”

“I didn’t stick around to find out. I just remember seeing some of the kids running and jumped the gate. Raelnor and I grew up together and he followed me over when he saw me go. We saved what kids we could and ran. Bree and Rosalyn ended up staying with us, we were going to get them to safety but that… didn’t end up happening. We met Tanner when we were passing through Denerim. He asked for help because he didn’t know where to get milk that was safe for babies to drink. The twins had been abandoned outside the local chantry with a note that just had their names. But the chantry didn’t have space for babies or the resources, especially after how hard the blight had hit them and Tanner… he refused to leave the twins even when everyone else in his travelling party moved on. They told him they didn’t have the money to take care of them so he stayed and did it, as best as he could. His parents were killed by Darkspawn, he ended up with other refugees from his village. In the end, we wound up on a boat here looking for some of the people he had been travelling with who said they were coming to Kirkwall but we never found them. Everything else is kinda history I guess,” she shrugged. “I know a lot of people think I’m stupid for staying here and taking care of them but I couldn’t just leave them. We’re a family now, after everything.”

Anders smiled and squeezed her hand. “Yes, you are a family. All those who think you’re stupid are the dumb ones. It’s admirable to do for others with no ulterior motive. You have a good heart, Delilah.”

She blushed and looked away from him.

“I wasn’t thinking about anything other than how little they were. Bree was so small then. I mean, she’s still small but she was tiny. I picked her up and she weighed basically nothing. I just… couldn’t stand by and watch it happen. I wasn’t trying to be a good person, I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to them.”

“Because you’re a good person, sweetheart,” Anders told her.

She smiled some to herself before carefully pulling her hand back and taking to her own tea. They finished their drinks together, the silence comfortable and contemplative. The warmth from the tea seemed to fill him at his core and slowly the pain ebbed away. He hadn’t even realized the heat of the fire on his skin and the familiar hissing crackle had lulled him into a light doze until he felt Delilah’s lips touch his forehead.

“Night, ta, thank you,” she murmured before creeping away.

He listened to her as she got things settled before slipping back into their sectioned off sleeping area, a smile he couldn’t fight off gracing his face. The healer had planned to get up and bank the fire before turning in for the night himself. Instead when he awoke it was the Cat squealing in joy the next morning. Someone had covered him with a blanket and couldn’t even be upset about being woken up when Tanner was so apologetic about it. His kids were worth more than any amount of missed sleep.

---

It was inevitable that Hawke would need him for an overnight trip. She had agreed to look into demons that were coming from one of the caves near where the Sabrae clan had set up. With how long of a trek it was, they had never managed to make it back before nightfall and always had to make camp along the path back. But Hawke wanted a healer along with them and Anders needed some of the rarer herbs that only flourished on Sundermount.

Of course, that didn’t make it any easier to leave the children. He had given Rosalyn the key to the clinic so they could lock up if they left and had told them where to leave it when they went to bed so Delilah could get in. He had asked Varric to check on them and even accepted Aveline’s offer for Donnic to swing by during his patrol to make sure they were alright as well. He had made sure Tanner and Rosalyn knew where they kept the extra coin stashed in case they needed it. None of it eased the anxiety of leaving them to fend for themselves without him.

“Go, ta, we got it,” Tanner had assured him when he mentioned telling Hawke he would send her with extra healing potions, that he just couldn’t go overnight. He considered asking about the new nickname the kids (except Raelnor) had adopted for him but let it slide. At least they had stopped just calling him healer.

Varric knocked on Fenris’ door in the late afternoon. When he first saw Varric waiting for him his heart had rabbitted in his chest, sure that something was wrong. He couldn’t think of another reason for the rogue to come calling for him when Hawke was out of town for the night.

“What’s happened?” he asked immediately.

Varric chortled at him and raised his hands in a soothing gesture.

“Calm down Broody, there’s no fire. I just figured since I’m going to check on your children you should come along,” the dwarf cajoled.

“They’re not my children, they’re the mage’s children,” Fenris answered, but stepped out of the mansion to follow him regardless. He hadn’t even considered the logistics of where the children would be while Anders was away. Just another reason they weren’t his children; he wasn’t suited to looking after others.

“Whatever you say, elf.”

Fenris had expected they would go to the clinic and find the children inside, or perhaps playing on the landing just in front of it as they often did. They met Donnic coming down from Lowtown, apparently given the same task as them by his wife. The man didn’t look too put out by it though, laughing and joking with them as they made their way through the slums.

Rather than the sound of Rosalyn’s distinct tinkling laughter or Bree shouting or even one of the twin’s excited baby talk, there was the sound of a child crying. Fenris heard it first and took off in a run, hearing Varric’s surprised shout at his sudden departure and the clattering of Donnic’s armor as he hurried to catch up.

When he rounded the corner, his heart calmed some to see all five of the younger children sitting against the wall just outside the clinic’s doors. Rosalyn’s face was buried in her knees as she wailed, Tanner rubbing her back with a contrite expression.

Cahir was the first to notice Fenris approaching and called out, “Da!” to him excitedly just as Donnic and Varric rounded the corner. Varric complained about how fast he was when they caught, practically panting. Fenris made a note to tease the dwarf about being out of shape later.

Once he knew what was wrong with his kids. The mage’s kids, he meant.

“What’s wrong?” Fenris asked Rosalyn when she looked up at him with wet eyes.

Her face scrunched up again before she could speak and she let out a small hiccuping sob. The warrior found himself wrong footed and unsure how to proceed; danger and fighting were more his forte, crying girls and children not so much. He wasn’t sure what to say to calm her but clearly she was upset and needed something. Fenris would have given her anything to wipe away her devastated expression.

“It’s okay,” he said gently. “Tell me what has happened and I will do what I can to rectify it.”

“T-the healer gave me the k-key to hold onto but I lost,” she choked out before sniffling miserably. “It’s his only one, he’s going to be so mad. He told me he was giving it to me because he t-trusted me with it and-” she sobbed again.

“Well that’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Donnic told her.

Rosalyn looked up at the guardsman.

“B-but I lost it, and…”

“No one’s hurt or dying, the sky isn’t falling, the clinic isn’t on fire, and all of you are together,” Donnic told her in a calm voice. He knelt and ruffled her hair.

“If you know about where you lost it we can ask around and see if anyone found it, if not we can retrace your steps and look for it,” Fenris offered when she looked at him.

“Even if someone did pick it up they would have no way to know which door in the city it opened,” Varric agreed. “Not to mention I can just pick the lock to let you in and replace the lock.”

“Oh! We know right where it is we just can’t… uh… get to it,” Bree told them. “You’ll help us, right da?”

Fenris looked to Varric and Donnic, unsure who the girl was addressing only to find them both aiming what Fenris could only describe as shit-eating grins at him. Oh, she means me, he recognized. Looked like he would probably be best keeping his taunts about Varric’s stamina to himself for a bit.

"Yes, we'll help you," he told Bree, already resigned to his fate.

“How ?”

Fenris felt a little bad for his incredulous tone when Rosalyn hiccuped and sniffled behind him but really how she had managed to drop the key where she had eluded Fenris. Over a wall and down the side of the steep rock Kirkwall was built into and on top of, of all things. The kids hadn’t been wrong; they had taken them straight to the key. It taunted them from a jutting section of wall built out to take the brunt of the waves that crashed against Kirkwall’s walls. Occasionally the light winked off it whenever the clouds weren’t hiding the slowly setting sun.

“Cahir saw a bird,” she offered meekly.

All three of the adults stepped away from the low wall they had been leaning over to peer down at the key to turn and look at her more fully. Ironically they were within eyesight of the clinic’s door still.

“Cahir… saw a bird…” Fenris repeated slowly, feeling his eyebrow raise in question against his will.

“He’s been fussy all day and didn’t want to be carried, but if we let him down he ran off. There was a bird here, and he saw it and tried to grab it. Tanner was holding him but he was so wriggly that when he jumped Tanner couldn’t catch him. I did but I forgot… I forgot I was holding the key and it flew out of my hand. I just panicked! I… the spikes, and no one else was close- I had-”

“I see,” Fenris said, nodding. “Things happen, we will figure it out. Cahir is more important than the key,” and he didn’t even want to imagine the boy managing to land on the rusty spikes that lined the outer half walls of Darktown’s walkways.

“Told you,” Tanner told her, “Cahir would have gotten really hurt, I knew they would listen and not be mad, Ros.”

“No, you didn’t, you just said we might as well tell the truth because they would find out.”

“Shh,” the dwarven boy said but wouldn’t look at any of them. “You could have told them I dropped it, I told you.”

“No one’s in trouble,” Fenris assured. “We just have to find a way to get the key now, alright?”

They weren’t going to be able to get the key. It was too far down with no real path to get to it. The three men had stood for a long time discussing ways of getting it before they had given up on the idea. They had discussed trying to hook with something or even getting a boat and going at it from the water. In the end, none of their ideas got them any closer to the elusive key. They had nothing that they would use with any accuracy to snag it and pull it back up, and any boat they would have been smashed agaisnt the rocks around the outcropping of rocks. Their plan of picking the lock itself and simply replacing it was dashed too as one by one Varric broke every lockpick he had in it, growling and cursing the entire time.

“If we got some rope one of us could rappel down to it,” Varric suggested.

“Are you going to go down after it?”

“I know us dwarves are small but we’re dense. There’s no way I would get down without falling, not to mention back up. Donnic? Dashing rescues are supposed to be your thing, just pop on down and grab the key.”

“I’m in full plate armor, I’m pretty sure the rope would snap if I tried. Fenris could go, he’s the lightest of us.”

“I’m able to pass through solid objects, not scale vertical walls,” Fenris informed them drolly when both the rogue and the guardsman looked to him. They stood in silence for a moment and Fenris glanced back at the clinic door. “I can kick that door down though.”

Varric considered it for a moment, tapping his index finger on his chin contemplatively.

“I got a guy that can replace it today,” he agreed.

Donnic perked up. “We have spare locks at the Keep we can install. They’re replacements for the ones on the main entrance to the Keep, so they’re sturdy. And come with more than one key.”

“Okay, so new plan,” Varric said and clapped his hands before giving out orders.

The new door looked almost too nice as it set into its new frame, out of place in dingy Darktown, but there was no questioning it was sturdy. Much more secure than the one Anders had had previous, and could be locked from the inside instead of just the outside, unlike its predecessor. To lock up for the night, Anders had rigged some kind of bar and chain across the door from the inside.

“Sorry about all the trouble,” Rosalyn told them all over dinner. Donnic had left to finish his patrol after helping them install the new lock but had returned for supper and had even brought sweets back for the children to have for dessert. They had all been ecstatic when presented with them, something Fenris made a note to bring them more of.

“We’ve been harping Blondie to change that door for months,” Varric dismissed, “really I should be thanking you for giving me a reason to just take care of it.”

Rosalyn smiled some down at her food and allowed Bree to pull her into whatever the kids were discussing so seriously. Fenris half listened to them, mainly happy that they were all at ease again and there were no more tears.

“Oh, were you two there when Aveline said something to Isabela about the dinner party? She was pretty hurt about her not coming and said she told her about it but I’m not sure I believe her. You know Ave,” Donnic asked them once it was clear the children were absorbed in their own discussion.

Varric snorted. “Oh man were we. Your wife can be ruthless, told Bela that if you two ever had kids together who asked what a slattern was, she’d just point at her and tell them ‘that’s a slattern.’ In the middle of Hightown.”

Donnic’s laugh was startled and boomed out of him.

“Yeah, that sounds like her,” he agreed.

“What’s a slattern?” Bree asked innocently, her head cocked to the side.

“Uh, nothing you need to worry about,” Varric said at the same time Donnic said “you’ll find out when you’re older.”

Both answers just made Bree pout but she dropped it anyway. Fenris hoped she didn’t ask Anders about the word later, as the mage had been persistent about them not cussing around the children. Evidently hearing Tanner call something “absolute blighted nugshit” had been a bit of a wake up call to how much they listened and repeated what the adults said.

After dinner, Varric had said his goodbyes and mentioned he would send Raelnor home with his own key once he got back to the Hanged Man. The boy had been enjoying his new job, especially since he got tips on top of his hourly wages. Donnic mentioned that he had to get home to clean before Aveline got back the next day. Before long it was just Fenris and the children. The elf was tidying up the clinic and trying to convince himself to leave for the night as well when Bree tugged on his shirt.

“Will you stay tonight, da?” she asked him. He wanted to dissuade her from calling him that but couldn’t bear to say anything when she was looking at him with wide earnest eyes. “Please?”

“Yes, fine, but you need to start getting ready for bed. It’s getting late.”

“Okay but you have to tuck me in!”

Bree grinned and scurried away to do as he said without waiting for an answer. Fenris sighed and surveyed the cots available to sleep on for the night. He supposed he should have guessed that he wouldn’t have the heart to return the mansion and leave them alone for the evening. He was just starting to put bedding on one when Raelnor came in and regarding him with a confused face.

“Just sleep in mum’s bed, it’s not like he’ll mind,” he had told Fenris, “those cots are tiny, you’ll never sleep on ‘em comfortably.”

“Da! I’m ready for bed, come tuck me in?” Bree interrupted. She tugged at his hand and Fenris followed her back to the children’s makeshift room, Raelnor’s chuckle following him as the teenager sat at their little table with his own dinner.

Rosalyn was sitting on the edge of the twins’ cot with a book open in her hands. She looked at him in surprise when he came in.

“Da’s tucking us in tonight,” Bree informed them and clambered into her own cot.

“Oh, did you want to read to us then?” Rosalyn offered, and held out the book. It looked well worn with it’s yellowing pages and cracked spine.

“Sorry, I can’t,” he told her.

“O-oh, right, sorry. We’re not your kids, um, everyone say goodnight and thank you,” she said even as her little voice wobbled with tears at being turned away. Fenris laid a hand on her skinny shoulder even as he refused to look at any of them.

“I wouldn’t mind reading to you, I just… can’t. I can’t read,” he admitted, something he had taken pains for even his friends to not know coming out easy when he knew it would comfort the girl. “I will stay and listen though, and I believe I did promise to tuck everyone in.”

He settled down in the rickety chair that was undoubtedly there for Anders to sit in and read to them nightly. Fenris wondered what he sounded like, reading to the children every night. With his expressive face and array of voices, Fenris imagined Anders was a good storyteller for children’s stories.

Rosalyn read a chapter to them from the book, something about a princess escaping a curse from what Fenris caught. The twins were asleep by the end of the first page, and when Rosalyn softly closed the book Fenris looked around and realized that all of the younger kids were out like lights. He tugged Bree’s blanket up to her chin, tucked Tanner’s more firmly around his feet and made sure the twins were not at risk of rolling out of their bed in the middle of the night while Rosalyn extinguished their lantern.

“I can teach you,” Rosalyn whispered to him as she got into her own bed, the book safely put away with a small collection of other books and toys shoved into the corner. “How to read, I mean. I used to teach the kids in the alienage, and some of their parents too. If you want, it’s okay if not, you may want someone else to teach you or-”

“Ros,” Fenris said to get her attention. He knelt beside her cot and brushed her hair back from her worried face. “That sounds very nice, thank you. I would love for you to teach me.”

If I am teachable, Fenris bit back. Rosalyn smiled at him and laid down. He settled her blanket around her shoulders and smoothed her hair back before standing and sliding out from behind the curtain.

Raelnor had put away the bedding he had set out on the cot and jerked his thumb at the door to Anders’ cupboard of a room. He didn’t go back to his cot with his siblings until Fenris had slipped into it and abandoned the thought of sleeping out on the cot.

“What happened ?” Anders asked as soon as he saw the new door the next day.

“Cahir saw a bird,” Bree told him sagely. Around her the other children nodded with serious expressions on their little faces and Anders could only sigh. At least the clinic was cleaner than it was when he left, he supposed.

(leave kudos and comments here please ♥)

[hlupdate]

In a decade, Harry Styles has gone from teenage heartthrob to a global pop star in his own right. As he's distanced himself from his adolescent years as a member of One Direction, he's become his own person, starring in the 2017 blockbuster Dunkirk, hosting Saturday Night Live and creating music that pulls from a variety of influences.

Styles released his second solo album Fine Line late last year, and in addition to showcasing some of those influences and his talents as a songwriter, it was also a huge commercial success, with the biggest U.S. sales week for a British male artist since Eric Clapton's Unplugged in 1992.

But Styles says he spent a lot of time rethinking his idea of success after touring his self-titled album. "I think if you're making what you want to make, then ultimately no one can tell you you're unsuccessful, because you're doing what makes you happy," he says.

NPR's Mary Louise Kelly spoke to Harry Styles about his love of Fleetwood Mac and finding freedom in the music of the '70s, what he would say to his 16-year-old self and nail polish. Listen in the player above and read on for a transcript of their full conversation.

Mary Louise Kelly: Your most recent album seems tied up in the '70s, which is a decade you didn't actually live through. What is it about that era that draws you in?

Harry Styles: There's a freedom in the music that is so inspiring. If you go back and listen to so much of that music, and you listen to songs from [Carole King's] Tapestry and Harry Nilsson songs, they sound so fresh. I think it's crazy that something that was made so long ago, you can listen to it now and be like "I want my drums to sound like these drums, and I want my strings to sound like these strings." I think that's really incredible. And I think it's just the freedom, it's people doing what they wanted to do. Obviously, the music business has changed so much since then — there was a lot more of everybody hanging out together and playing songs, and I feel like music is a lot more competitive now.

And is it maybe a little more produced now? Less organic?

I think we just have different technology. When we came to do my first solo album, I had this thing where I wanted to do everything to tape. And then I kind of realized that The Beatles didn't use tape because it was really cool to use, they used it because it was the best technology they had [at the time] and it sounded the best. And now we just have different ways of recording stuff and you can make stuff sound really nice — so we kind of abandoned the tape thing. Overall what draws me to that time with music is just the freedom.

Was making Fine Line sound like the music of the '70s a conscious choice?

I'm not listening to stuff so much anymore being like "I just want my stuff to sound like this." You grow up listening to what your parents listen to. For me it was the [Rolling] Stones, Beatles, Fleetwood [Mac], a lot of Queen, Elvis Presley, Shania Twain, Savage Garden, Norah Jones. That was kind of like the base of what my first experience with music was, and I feel like you can't help but have a lot of references from what you grew up listening to [in your own music].

Speaking of Fleetwood Mac, I saw you've gotten to know and work with Stevie Nicks. What's that like, to get to know someone who was the soundtrack of your childhood and go out on stage with them?

It borders on an out-of-body experience. "Dreams" was the first song I knew all the words to; I used to sing it in the car with my mom. Every time I'm with her, you want to be, obviously, present, right? I'm trying to enjoy being with her and soaking in. But I think at the same time, while you're in the room with her, I'm sitting there thinking about being 10-years-old and singing the song.

Does it matter if you're super famous yourself?

I don't think so, because ultimately we're all humans. It's not like paralyzing starstruck, it's more like I try and appreciate what my 10-year-old self would think of it. I think ultimately you meet [other famous people] and you're kind of in awe of them, but at the same time you get to hang out with them on this human level, where you're just talking and it's really amazing.

Those are the moments that kind of mean the most because it's real. And when everything else about being in music goes away, that's the stuff that I think you end up telling your grandkids. For example, with Stevie, my favorite moments about it aren't usually the show, it's the practicing. When we first played together, it was at the Troubadour — famously, where Elton John did his first U.S. show — and it was an amazing moment, but my favorite was soundchecking. It's like four people in there and just us singing in the empty Troubadour. For me, that's a moment that I'm going to hold on to.

Speaking of moments where you wish you could tell your younger self "Buddy, you have no idea": 10 years ago when you auditioned for the British reality show X Factor, the judge Simon Cowell asked you "What do you want to do with your life, what are your future plans?" You said you were going back to college in the fall to study "law, sociology, business and something else, but I'm not sure yet."

There's a lot of us who wanted to be a rock star and ended up being lawyers. You've gone the other way. Is it funny listening back to yourself? What do you wish you could tell your 16-year-old self?

I guess like "Don't worry." In the early years, I spent a lot of time worrying about what would happen and getting things wrong and saying the wrong thing and doing the wrong thing. I'm trying to let go of the worrying thing, and that's what I've loved the most about this album, rather than the first one. I think I had a lot of fear — whether it was conscious or subconsciously — just about getting it wrong. When I listen back to the first album now, although I still love it so much, I feel like I was almost bowling with the bumpers up a little bit. I can hear places where I was playing it safe.

I think with this one, after touring with an album that wasn't necessarily a radio record and people came to see the show, I realized that the only thing that people really want is for you to do what you want to do. Ultimately, I think if people believe in you, you can make a bad record, you can make a bad song, and people will still come to a show if they're interested and they want to come see you. I think the only time people go "You know what? I'm done with this," is when it stops being authentic. You can't really blame people for that. If there's an artist I loved and I felt like they were faking it, I can't say that I'd keep going to the shows. I think that was a big thing for me, just trying to worry less. The worst thing that can happen is that I make a record that I think everybody else wants to hear, and then it doesn't do well. And you sit there going "Well I wish I'd just made the record that I wanted to make." I think if you're making what you want to make, then ultimately no one can tell you you're unsuccessful, because you're doing what makes you happy. That's the biggest thing that I learned this time.

You dress amazingly. You wear suits, but they're patterned and florals and you had that blouse that got all the attention at last year's Met Gala. I noticed you're wearing nail polish, and you do wear clothing that blurs traditional lines sometimes. What are you hoping people take from that? Is it just "This is what I want to wear, deal with it" or are you trying to send any kind of message?

For me, it's not like doing it to send a message. Part of being on the last tour, when people came to watch the show, I realized "Oh, these people just want to see me be myself, and I'm telling them to be themselves." And I just didn't want to be a hypocrite. I do it when I'm not working, so to me it doesn't feel like it's "Oh, I'm sending a message with my nail polish." I just put a lot less weight behind it, I think. And sometimes I forget, because I'll go somewhere and someone will be like "Have you got nail polish on?" I'm lucky that I work in an industry that allows you to be creative and express yourself, and I'd encourage it to anybody.

Can you tell us about a favorite song on the album?

My two favorite songs on this album are probably "Cherry" and "Fine Line." "Cherry" is the fifth song on the album. It's one of my favorites, mostly because of how it came about. When I started making this album ... I felt like it had to be big. The last record wasn't really a radio record: The single ["Sign of the Times"] from it was a 6-minute piano ballad, so it wasn't the typical formula. So I felt a bit of pressure that I wanted to make something that worked. I was trying this stuff one night in the studio, and I was worried because I just wasn't really liking anything that I was doing. I felt like I was trying too hard. That's when I make the music that I like the least, is when I'm trying to write a pop song or I'm trying to write something fun.

Everybody left for the weekend, and it was me, Tyler Johnson, who I work with, and Sammy Witte. It was two or three in the morning, and we were having a drink and just talking. I was saying how I have all these records that I'd love to make, I love all this kind of music and in five years I want to make this kind of record, and in 10 years I want to make this kind of album, and then I'll get to make the music that I really want to make. And Tyler just said "You just have to make the music that you want to make — right now. That's the only way of doing it, otherwise you're going to regret it."

And "Cherry" was the result of that?

Yeah, so we stayed and Sammy started playing the guitar riff, and we did it through the night and recorded it. Everybody came back in the morning and listened to it ... I heard it when it was finished and was like "This is the kind of music I want to make."

How did you write "Fine Line?"

"Fine Line" I wrote [during] a gap in the tour. It was January 2018 and I was at my friend Tom's house, who I work with, and we just started strumming this thing, and we started layering these vocals, and it turned into this 6-minute thing. I had it for a long time and I kept listening to it during the tour, like I'd listen to it before I went to bed. Just sonically I loved the song, and I loved the lyrics of the song. When we wrote it, I kind of knew it was the last song of an album, and we ended up taking it to Bath, in England, where I was making this record for a while. I wanted it to turn into something else at the end, I wanted like a big crescendo ending. While we were in Bath, Sammy started playing this little thing on the piano, and I tweaked it a little bit and I was like "That has to go at the end of 'Fine Line.' " Now when I listen to it, it's one of those things where I'm just proud that it's mine, I'm so happy. It's one of those songs that I've always wanted to make.

[ofaylin]

⌠ BAHAR SAHIN, 19 CISFEMALE, SHE/HER ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, AYLIN KALELI! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in LINGUISTICS, CULTURE, & ASSIMILATION AND RESEARCH & DEVELOPMENT; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (hair pulled back with a chanel ribbon, lycra boots with razor blades in the heel, champagne and french macarons in a bubble bath, wiping your tears with a $100 bill). when it’s the (leo)’s birthday on 8/3/00 they always request their FRENCH FRIES from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

STATS / PINTEREST / CONNECTIONS / CLASSES

INSPIRATION.

bex baxter – gallagher girls

carmen cortez – spy kids

blair waldorf – gossip girl

cher horowitz – clueless

torrance shipman – bring it on

jackie burkhart – that 70s show

cordelia chase – buffy the vampire slayer

tahani al-jamil – the good place

BACKGROUND + CLICK FOR BIO.

both of her parents work for the national intelligence organization of turkey, they’re big shots and they make a lot of money! she has two older sisters and she’s born into a world of wealth and expectations. 

it won’t take her long to learn more languages than years she has lived, and waking up early to run drills and do obstacle courses with her sisters is routine.

picture perfect on the outside, the household within goes through turmoil. her mother is promoted to the director of the NIO and it puts a strain on her parent’s relationship. 

her father starts taking more business trips, and aylin and her sisters spend nights sitting on the top of the stairs, listening in on phone conversations. aylin’s the youngest, so she doesn’t really understand what’s going on and needs to have it broken down.

aylin had always LOVED her parent’s love story – they met on a mission and they were partners for years, it’s all very romantic. so the divorce leaves her confused. how could you stop loving someone? how could you just give up?

both of her parents are an active part of her life, the divorce is…fairly amicable and they share custody. the only thing aylin doesn’t like is her father’s new girlfriend, young and totally uninvolved in the world of espionage. the girl could be her sister. 

aylin spends her time split between two houses, half-belonging to each, but her parents feel GUILTY so aylin quickly learns how to use that guilt to get what she wants, whether it’s freedom or material goods.

she’s a little spoiled, but it doesn’t satisfy her. nothing really does, it just makes her feel sort of empty, so she works harder, filling time with books and training with her older sisters who tell her cool stories from their spy prep schools and teach aylin things they’ve learned when they come home for breaks. 

aylin long for the day when she’s not splitting your time between other people’s homes and she’s in a place that she can really call her own.

she goes to the same spy prep school that her older sisters did in london. she’s competitive from the get-go because she’s a kaleli and people already expect things from her to begin with. she smiles when people call her by her sister’s name or mention her mother, but inside she’s seething, eager to prove that she’s good because she works hard, not because she’s someone’s sister or daughter.

it’d be a lie to say that aylin didn’t step on a few toes, and the way she skyrocket to valedictorian is a little less than savory.

she has her pick of spy prep colleges across the nation, but her mom really encourages her to choose gallagher. why? that’s weird, her mom never went there and neither does the rest of her family! but aylin really likes the idea of a place that’s all hers and she’s always wanted to see america, so she chooses it. 

she’s a bit smug about being ahead of others because she’s been reading books on espionage since age 4, and if you don’t know sixteen languages, stay out of her way.

PERSONALITY:

PROUD. aylin is a very proud person, she grew up in an affluent household with important parents. when faced with a challenge, it’s her pride that tends to motivate her to be the best because she feels like she has something to prove, and she’ll turn her nose up at you until she gets it. this also makes her stubborn.

INTELLIGENT. aylin was raised in an environment where she was being trained since her childhood, knowing about espionage since she could speak, but she also has an iq of 122, so not quite genius level but she’s getting there. she’s the head cheerleader type that you’d be surprised is actually really good at math.

HARD-WORKING. queen of taking on too many extracurriculars at all times! honestly she tends to overexert herself until she burns out, but she wants it all – the exciting social life, the straight As, the meaningful connections, the parties, when does she sleep? maybe never.

SNOBBISH. honestly, she doesn’t mean to come off as a snob but she definitely does because she hasn’t really known anything other than crystal dishware and fancy clothes. she doesn’t even comprehend that other people don’t come from the same place of privilege that she has.

FUN-LOVING. the girl you want to party with! just because she’s a good student, she wouldn’t want you to think that she doesn’t know how to have a good time. aylin operates in extremes, so she parties just as hard as she studies and has a tendency to get carried away, but let it be known that she’s doing this for herself and not for anyone else’s attention.

MANIPULATIVE. aylin will step on toes to get what she wants, and she’s not scared to fight dirty. she tends to stay in the lines of what’s legal of course, but if she sees a window into getting what she wants, she’ll say what she needs to in order to get it. honestly, she can be a bit callous with the way she uses people and doesn’t always understand the effects of her actions. she would tell you that the ends justify the means. yikes.

INDEPENDENT. doesn’t need you or anyone else and wants you to know it. her confidence is genuine and real, and she doesn’t attribute any of her accomplishments to her family name – she’s not insecure about it, she knows that she’s good at what she does.  

HEADCANONS.

started school early, so she’s a bit young for her grade by a year. she sees this as a positive thing and will brag to you about how she’s younger AND smarter. annoying.

acts like she really likes healthy food and eats a salad in public ( will tell you that’s her favorite food ) but she’s weak for things that are greasy and fried and will be pigging out in secret. her favorite food is french fries but you probably wouldn’t guess that about her !

LANGUAGES SHE KNOWS: english, french, turkish, arabic, german, kurmanji, italian, dutch, spanish, mandarin, japanese, latin, hindustani, malay, russian, bengali. some are better than others and some she reads more than she can really speak.

taught herself to skateboard since coming to america since it seemed like the thing to do based on watching american films. she will ride her little penny board in high heels around campus and loves it ! and you thought i couldn’t make her more annoying !

tons of expensive lingerie but u can look but don’t touch.

has a little stuffed rabbit in a tutu that she got as a baby named  dans tavşanı, and she always sleeps with it lol. however, it was recently stolen in her luggage when she was traveling home after the semester and she misses it a lot.

started drinking bc she wanted to be like her sisters and fit in and she’s fun to party with, but has never seen or touched a single drug in her life, not even weed. with parents that work for the government, she’s concerned about it. 

super into classic romances, her favorite book is pride and prejudice and jane austen is her favorite author! loves classic romance movies too, or anything by norah ephron. she’s lowkey a romantic and needs to be romanced and feel special before she’d ever consider dating someone or even crushing on them, really. scary movies freak her out though, she will lose her shit at a jump scare. 

her parents are not super strict about their religion, but she doesn’t eat pork and her dad doesn’t keep any alcohol in the house. she definitely keeps a lot of secrets from her parents, and they don’t know that she’s ever had a boyfriend. 

lowkey a HUGE nerd !!!!!!! 

leo with a virgo rising and cancer moon. i am so SORRY !

[mrs-lockley]

OKAY CELESTE I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS: 1 & 2 for True to your Heart 9 for real people 5 & 11 for Wait for Me 👀 answer as many or as few as you want 💙

Hello Freya! 💙 I will do my best!

True to Your Heart 

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Tbh, I can’t quite remember anymore! I know I still have to finish the series (writer’s block bit my butt) but I remember I wanted to write a Disney AU for Poe. It’s also a bit of a shameless self-insert because Mulan is my favorite princess and I’m Asian, but also?? I think it was because one of my friends was teasing me for having a type for generals because of my childhood crush on General Li Shang, and then I remembered ... Poe is NOW a General 👀 So I thought ... why not make a Mulan AU? 

2: What scene did you first put down?

I still have the outline and only have Part 1 written, but the first scene that came to my head when I created this au was BB8 as Mushu! I know BB8 is Poe’s droid, but I had this cute image of BB8 being your droid (well, technically your sister’s droid) and being sassy and looking out for you. I just thought it was very fitting, and I giggled at the thought of BB8 being protective and threatening some boys if they got too close to you while you were on base. 🙈

More under the cut!

Like Real People Do 

9: Were there any alternate versions of this fic?

To be honest, there really wasn’t! This one just came clear to me; I was actually having some bad flashbacks and was listening to Hozier when this idea came to me. I started writing it and pretty much finished it in like, a day or two. 

It’s another shameless self-insert, but so far, it’s been my most popular fic. I have a soft spot for it, and it’s also my first reader insert fic as well. I think I shouldn’t feel guilty about writing it if so many people like it, and sometimes when I’m sad I come back to it because wow, I can’t believe I wrote that, you know? The main goal I had in writing the fic was much like how Hozier described it; just kiss, and not ask about the skeletons until you’re ready. it’s one of my favorite Hozier songs and it’s just so soft, and I wanted to encapsulate that and the words just poured out of me. 

Maybe I should listen to Hozier more when I write

Wait for Me

5: What part was hardest to write?

To be honest, all of it! I’m a perfectionist and wanted it to be perfect, I wanted it to feel like a Greek tragedy. I wanted my readers to feel the tragedy, the emotions. It took me 2 months to write it, but I poured every emotion I had into it. I was yearning, pining, and hurting while writing it. I wanted to create a vivid image to haunt people with the emotions to linger after, just like any other tragedy. I think what was most difficult for me was that we already know how the tragedy goes, but I also wanted to make it my own as well. I didn’t want it to be an exact copy of the myth, nor a copy of the Broadway play Hadestown, either. I wanted to add my own spin to it while sticking to the original source, but most importantly, I wanted it to drip with emotions and images and longing that it would haunt you for years. 

11: What do you like best about this fic?

Out of my limited number of fics, I have to say next to Like Real People Do, this one is my favorite. I’m a little bummed that I put so much heart into it that it’s my lowest viewed fic (in terms of notes), because I’m actually proud with how it turned out. I poured everything into it; the emotions, the imagery, the longing. 

To be honest, this one was my most strategic fic because I purposely used specific symbols and lines to foreshadow certain things. 

White lilies 

White lilies were mentioned several times throughout the fic, and I intentionally put it in my mooboard as well. In Hadestown, a red carnation/rose was used, but for my fic, I used white lilies for what they symbolized. White lilies are typically used in funerals to symbolize rebirth, commitment, and sympathy. Particularly from Asian cultures, I’ve always worn white to funerals because of the symbol of rebirth, and not black for mourning or sympathy. 

White lilies were first mentioned when you and Llewyn visited Mike at his grave, and Llewyn placed the lilies at his grave. There, lilies symbolized death because they are a common funeral flower. 

The second time white lilies were mentioned was when Llewyn found you in the Underworld in a field of lilies. There, lilies could either symbolize death, or rebirth if Llewyn were to succeed in leading you out of the Underworld. I also alluded to the song, Flowers, in Hadestown, where Eurydice was singing to Orpheus to find her in the Underworld. I used that same image of you singing to Llewyn for him to find you. 

If I had wings like Norah’s dove, I’d fly the river to the one I love

This is the first instance I used to foreshadow Llewyn finding you in the Underworld when you first met him singing at the Gaslight. I also wanted to incorporate some of the original songs form the movie as well, and I think Fare Thee Well could also be used to foreshadow Llewyn bidding you goodbye in the Underworld. While you were in a field of lilies, Llewyn found you on the other side of the River Styx, and I alluded that he would “fly” the river to find you, the one he loves. 

So show us a bird flying high above, life ain’t worth living without the one you love…

Another instance of foreshadowing. Here, I mentioned having wings towards the end where Llewyn was climbing out of the Underworld, wishing he had nothing but wings to pull you out. And to hint ... he couldn’t live without you. 

OOP this got long, but thank you so much for sending this ask Freya 🥺 I really do appreciate it! 

[musicgeek-fyi102-thepowerofmusic]

Blog Post #1

My name is Kiera Kunstman. I go by she/her and I identify as a female. At Augie, I ride on the equestrian team, I perform with our slam poetry team and a choir, and I am in a sorority. I am really sweet to people, but I can be shy so I won't approach others. I am definitely open to having other people approach me. 

I have played clarinet, ukulele, harmonica, guitar, and a little bit of piano. The clarinet is the instrument I probably have the most skill on. I have been in choir since third grade, and I am continuing choir in college with a music scholarship.

10

My favorite genres are jazz, rock, grunge, acoustic, and folk. My least favorite genre is rap.

I do not like rap because it makes me really anxious and I am not sure why. I also grew up around a lot of rap so I guess that I am kind of sick of it. It has recently become popular again. I am absolutely in love with jazz because it makes me feel like I am back in the roaring 20s. This music genre is one where you can really feel the pain or longing of a musician. I can sing along to any Frank Sinatra, Amy Winehouse, or Norah Jones song you will give me. My love for rock and grunge come from my childhood. I grew up on a lot of Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Led Zepplin, some other famous bands, and some indy grunge or rock bands. Within the last five years, I discovered how much I love folk and acoustic music. It is incredibly calming, but I also find a lot of the music relatable. The music definitely inspires me to write. 

Here is a photo of how I interpret my favorite songs (See the list of songs below):

Part 2

Frequency is a newer scientific concept that has been developing a lot recently. Elena Mannes states that during the 18th century, a natural scientist performed an experiment to view sound waves. The scientist put a layer of sand over thin glass plates so they could see how a violin would move the sand. Experiments like this have advanced farther as they discovered more things. A lot of research had to be done to come up with the concept of frequency. The What is Music article described frequency as vibrating molecules. Which also tends to be a more modern concept. The author also states that humans use relative terms to describe how high or low a pitch is. This is up to interpretations.

A bird continues to make a sound even if there is not someone around to hear it. Just because a human is not within hearing distance, does not mean that the bird is not communicating. It is like saying that someone is not speaking if no one is there to hear them. 

Melodies played in a different key or pitch can be recognized as the same melody because people know the intervals and not necessarily the pitch.

If you took pure frequencies and played them simultaneously, the higher notes would be easier to hear than the lower notes. This is why there is a triangle of balance and the higher noted musicians have to be quieter. Depending on who you make louder, the balance might be off or it might fix it.   

Below are links to my favorite songs (It’s hard for me to choose just one song):