#this is the other other universe where that happens. to me

[lovelookspretty]

waking up to you

au!rafe cameron x reader

— in which you wake up in a strange alternate reality that just so happens to be the outer banks universe, and to your disbelief, you’re suddenly in a relationship with the shows most unlikely character, rafe cameron.

warnings: safe!!

authors note: thank u sm for the support lately on this !! if u still arent part of the tag list, feel free to let me know thru replies, anons, or dms !! notifications are always on <3

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you pull into the lot, the crunch of gravel beneath the truck’s tires the only sound you hear as you shift the car into park. so far, so good, you think, shutting off the engine and tossing your keys into your lap.

the ride here had been surprisingly smooth, considering you’re driving a truck you’ve never touched before in a world that feels completely foreign. a quick glance at google maps had helped you navigate.

taking a deep breath, you step out of the truck, slamming the door shut behind you and instantly squinting as the midday sun catches your eyes. you glance up at the sign outside the wreck, the familiar wooden board making your heart race a little faster.

you’re not ready, but you push forward anyway. with the keys still clutched in your hand, you head toward the restaurant, your stomach in knots.

as you approach the entrance, you hesitate, lingering behind the door even though most of the place is made of glass. you can already see customers inside, people chatting and eating, and in the middle of it all—the pogues.

your heart lurches in your chest. they’re here. jj, pope, john b, and kiara. they’re all here. the sight of them—alive, real, in the flesh—makes your head spin.

with a deep breath, you pull the door open and step inside, trying to smooth down your clothes as you cautiously approach the group. kiara is the first to spot you, standing by the table while the boys sit, looking like she’s mid-shift. her eyes widen when she sees you, and she immediately puts her tray down on the table, practically rushing over to you.

“y/n, holy f—” she breathes, throwing her arms around you in a tight hug. you freeze for a second, still processing the fact that kiara carrera is hugging you like you’ve been friends for years, but you quickly wrap your arms around her in return.

“where have you been?” she asks, pulling back to look at you with concern.

you’re confused but manage a small smile. “uh . . . here and there.”

before kiara can respond, john b and pope stand up from their seats, walking over to join the reunion. their faces are serious, concerned, and the energy shifts from relief to something heavier. they hug you, one after the other—john b slapping you on the back, pope squeezing your shoulder.

“you’ve been m.i.a. for weeks,” kiara says, her tone still filled with worry. you can only nod, your mind racing. m.i.a.? weeks? what has this universe’s version of you been up to?

john b’s half-joking tone cuts through the tension. “no, no, yeah, is rafe keeping you hostage or something?” he asks with joking-concern, though there’s a sharpness in his eyes that tells you he’s not entirely kidding.

you force a laugh, not sure how to answer. “i’ve just been busy. i guess.”

but the questions don’t stop. “you never spend time with us anymore,” pope adds, his voice a little quieter but still pointed. “not even a ‘hi’.”

john b nods, quickly jumping in. “yeah, like the other day—i saw you driving, and you just . . . you looked stressed. didn’t even wave.”

you blink, trying to process their words, but your gaze drifts toward jj, who’s been quiet this whole time, standing behind the others, just watching you. he’s risen out of his seat, his hands resting on the back of the chair, his expression unreadable.

your eyes lock onto his, and there’s an awkward silence that stretches between you two as the others continue to speak, their words starting to blur in your head.

you have no idea what you’re supposed to say, no clue how to answer their questions, because you have no idea what kind of life this you has been living.

kiara glances around, ensuring that the boys are momentarily distracted, before she pulls you aside, her expression turning serious. “hey, can we talk for a second?” she asks, lowering her voice as if to guard a secret. you nod.

as you step away from the lively chatter of the pogues, kiara leans in closer, her brow furrowing slightly. “are you and jj okay?” she asks, her tone heavy with concern. you blink, momentarily stunned by the question.

are you two not? your mind races to comprehend what’s happening. what did you miss?

kiara’s expression softens, but you can see the confusion flickering in her eyes. she hesitates for a moment, gauging your reaction. before you can press her for clarification, you glance back toward the boys. jj is striding over, his expression a mix of determination and something more vulnerable that you can’t quite place. relief floods through you; he’ll help you make sense of this chaos.

as he approaches, he suddenly envelops you in a tight embrace, pulling you into him as if the air itself is a precious commodity. the warmth of his body against yours is overwhelming, and you find yourself caught off guard by the intensity of the hug.

“you can’t just scare me like that,” he mutters into your hair, his voice low and slightly strained. you pull back slightly to look into his eyes, the concern etched across his features makes your heart ache.

“i’m sorry,” you finally manage to say, still grappling with the weight of their worry. “i didn’t mean to . . . whatever i did.”

jj’s frown deepens as he holds your shoulders, grounding you. “it’s okay. we’ve all been worried about you,” he admits, his tone sincere, almost tender. “you just . . . disappeared.”

“disappeared?” you echo, the word hanging heavy in the air.

kiara watches from a distance, her expression shifting from relief to concern as she observes the exchange between you and jj. “i’ll talk to you later,” she whispers, stepping back to rejoin the boys.

“are you good?” jj asks again, his eyes searching yours for the truth.

you nod, but inside, uncertainty churns. “i think so,” you reply, forcing a smile that doesn’t quite reach your eyes. “just been a rough couple of . . . hours. sorry.”

the thought that your friends have been worried about you, that they felt your absence acutely, makes you feel a strange blend of gratitude and guilt.

you slip into an empty seat at the table, feeling the weight of their eyes on you, though they’re not staring outright—just that subtle, expectant energy from people who know you, who expect you to slip into conversation naturally.

the pogues keep talking, voices overlapping, john b saying something about a boat, pope chiming in about something kiara did the other night. you try to follow, but the tension in your chest grows tighter with each passing second.

you pull your phone out of your pocket, more as a distraction than anything else, but as soon as you unlock it, you see a series of texts from rafe lighting up the screen.

‘ where are u ’

‘ ? ’

‘ y/n ’

a jolt of nerves shoots through you. you hesitate, glancing around the table before typing a quick, evasive reply: ‘ grabbing something to eat ’ and then you lock the phone, slipping it back into your pocket as if shutting it off will somehow keep rafe from reaching through the screen and dragging you back to him.

you’re about to breathe a sigh of relief when you notice kiara watching you. her brow is slightly furrowed, concern clearly etched into her expression. she can sense something’s off—you’re not fooling anyone.

quietly, she reaches across the table, her fingers brushing yours as she places her hand on top of yours, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

you glance at her, surprised by the small gesture. her eyes search yours, asking a question she doesn’t need to voice. you manage a small, grateful nod in response.

she doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t let go either. she just holds your hand, her quiet way of telling you that she’s here, that whatever’s going on with you, she’s got your back. it makes your chest feel tight in a different way now—a kind of bittersweet ache.

there’s something comforting about her kindness, about how she’s looking out for you even when you barely know how to look out for yourself in this universe.

the boys keep talking, the hum of their conversation flowing around you, but you’re only half-listening. you’re too busy wondering how long you can keep pretending, how long before someone calls you out, or worse—how long before rafe shows up, expecting you to be the girl he knows, the one you’re clearly not.

you give kiara’s hand a gentle squeeze back, silently thanking her. whatever this universe’s y/n had with these people, it was clearly something worth holding onto. now, you just have to figure out how to live up to it.

you drive back to the camerons’ house, the road blurring a little as your thoughts swirl with everything that happened at the wreck. the pogues, the way they looked at you, kiara’s hand holding yours . . . it was overwhelming.

and then rafe’s texts—those three small messages that sent a ripple of anxiety through your chest.

you pull up to the house and notice an extra car parked outside, one you didn’t see earlier. you assume it must be rafe’s. he’s home.

turning off the engine, you sit in the car for a second longer than you need to, just staring at the house. it’s quiet, as it always seems to be. you sigh, grabbing your phone and sliding out of the truck. your steps are slow, calculated, as you walk toward the nearest door that leads inside, keys jingling softly in your hand.

you let yourself in, the familiar stillness of the cameron estate washing over you. you half expect to hear rafe’s voice, or even the sound of something from the kitchen, but there’s nothing.

your shoes make soft thuds against the hardwood as you approach the staircase, heading upstairs, but you’re stopped halfway up by movement out of the corner of your eye.

someone is pacing in the hallway—going back and forth between one of the rooms and the bathroom.

you freeze, instincts kicking in as you press yourself slightly against the railing, watching the figure move. it takes a second for your eyes to adjust to the dim light filtering through the hall, but when they do, you realize it’s a girl.

she’s rushing, flustered, like she’s trying to get ready for something or find something important.

you squint, trying to get a better look. and then it hits you. sarah, rafe’s sister.

your mind stalls for a second, trying to piece this together. sarah’s here? your confusion deepens as you process what you're seeing.

in the show, sarah had practically sworn off coming home because of rafe, too afraid or too angry to set foot in this house. but now, here she is, pacing around like she never left.

you blink, trying to make sense of it all. things really are different here, you think, the realization sinking in deeper. this isn’t the world you knew from the show. people are different. timelines are different. maybe even rafe is different.

“sarah?” your voice comes out a little softer than you intend, tinged with concern. sarah freezes in her tracks, realizing she’s not alone. she turns toward the sound of your voice, her eyes scanning the hallway until they land on you, just now reaching the top of the stairs.

“oh! y/n. i didn’t even . . even hear you come in,” sarah says, moving back into the bathroom, fiddling with an earring that looks like it’s giving her trouble.

you hesitate for a moment, glancing around cautiously, tiptoeing past the open doors, half expecting rafe to be lurking somewhere. you check every shadow, every open space, feeling that knot of unease tightening in your chest. like he could appear at any second. and for some reason, it scares you more than it should.

“yeah, you know me! quiet as a . . .” your voice trails off when sarah leaves the bathroom again, now heading back into her room.

your steps quicken, and you catch up to her, pausing at the doorway as she moves around, her pace hurried. something about it feels off.

“hey, what are you doing?” you ask, more out of curiosity, but also trying to make sense of what you’re seeing.

sarah barely looks up, focused on adjusting her earring, her back still turned to you. “i’ve got to head out. there’s this thing i promised kie i’d go to, but of course! i’m running late.”

the casual tone throws you off, like this is just another ordinary day. but your mind races, trying to keep up. kie?

the door downstairs clicks open, and you hear the familiar jangle of keys hitting the table near the entrance. sarah pauses for a moment, but only to check her reflection, humming softly to herself. the sound of rafe’s voice calling out from below makes you stiffen.

“y/n?”

sarah, oblivious, brushes past you, grabbing her phone as she’s ready to head out.

you reach for her instinctively, fingers grazing her arm, wanting her to stay, to keep her here just a little longer, but it’s no use. she pulls away easily, humming her tune as she heads downstairs.

your hand lingers in the air for a second before it falls back to your side, and you clench your fists tight, feeling the cold bite of unease creeping up your spine.

you’re left alone in the hallway, breath caught in your throat, and you can hear rafe jogging up the stairs—too fast for you to get your bearings, too quick for you to decide on what the hell to do next. your eyes dart around, searching for a place to hide or something to distract yourself with, but it’s too late.

he nudges sarah playfully as he passes her, like this is routine, and before you can even process it, rafe’s standing in front of you, catching you off guard with that easy smirk of his.

he’s amused. you can tell. you must look ridiculous leaning against the doorframe like that, trying way too hard to appear nonchalant.

his gaze flickers over you, and for a second, you think he’s going to laugh, but instead, he closes the gap between you, his hand slipping easily around your waist. the kiss he presses to your forehead is casual, familiar.

“hey,” he murmurs against your skin before pulling back and slipping into his room, leaving you standing there in your awkward daze.

you gnaw on your bottom lip as you step into the room after him.

rafe settles into his chair with a heavy sigh, leaning back and rubbing at his temples, clearly worn out. his fingers press into his skin, trying to relieve some of the tension, and you can’t help but watch him for a moment. he looks like he’s been through it.

you move slowly toward the bed, leaning back against the edge, trying to steady your breath and ease the weird knot in your stomach. rafe is quiet for a bit, eyes closed, before he speaks up, his voice low, almost distracted.

“ran into my dad earlier.”

you stay quiet, just nodding, letting him talk. you’re not sure how you’re supposed to respond to that, especially with how vague that even is. he’s still rubbing at his temples, and then he adds, “hey, has sarah talked to you at all about . . .”

you arch a brow, confused. “about what?”

rafe pauses, his eyes flicking over to you, but when he realizes you have no idea what he’s talking about, he just shakes his head, muttering under his breath, “nothing.”

why is everyone being so secretive today? it’s infuriating.

there’s a beat of silence before he changes the subject, dropping his hand from his face and leaning forward a bit, looking at you more closely. “where were you earlier? you said you were getting somethin’ to eat? bring me anything?”

you feel your pulse quicken, scrambling for a lie that’ll stick. “oh, yeah, i, uh, went to this place nearby—what was it called?” you stall for a second before pulling a name that you think you remember seeing on the way to the wreck. “waterman’s cafe. but there was this huge line, and they were backed up on orders, so . . . i just ended up getting something quick for myself.”

you give a half-hearted shrug, trying to sell it. “didn’t think i’d be there for that long, so . . . sorry, didn’t bring you anything.”

rafe just nods, looking a little disappointed but too tired to really care. “yeah, s’all good. don’t worry about it.”

he leans back again, rubbing his temples, and the room falls quiet. you can feel the weight of everything—how out of place you are, how close you are to slipping up.

your phone buzzes softly in your pocket, cutting through the quiet, and you pull it out to check. it's a text from kie.

‘ miss u already. why didn’t u come back with sarah? 3 of us together again ’

it makes you smile for a second, but before you can dwell on it, rafe rubs the back of his neck and gets up from his chair. “you ready to go?”

your smile fades as you blink at him, caught off guard. “what?” the question slips out before you can stop it. go where?

rafe furrows his brows, clearly confused. “why are you forgetting so much today? we’re going to the . . .” he trails off, waving a hand in the air like it’s obvious, “you told me yesterday that you wanted me to take you shopping for midsummers. said you wanted a new dress, shoes, whatever.”

you feel your breath catch for a second. midsummers. you remember that from the show, where all the kooks in the outer banks dressed up in fancy attire—the girls in dresses, the guys in suits and ties.

you play along, nodding slowly, but you feel yourself processing the idea of shopping with rafe, and—admittedly—a part of you feels a little intrigued by it.

you get to spend rafe’s money.

your lips twitch up into a slight smirk as you entertain the thought. is this what having a sugar daddy feels like? you snicker to yourself at the ridiculousness of the idea.

“right, yeah, shopping,” you say, standing up and smoothing your hands over your shorts, trying to act casual. “totally didn’t forget, let’s go.”

rafe, unaware of the internal chaos you’re experiencing, watches you for a second before shaking his head with a soft chuckle. “you’ve been forgetful as hell lately,” he mutters, checking his pockets to make sure he has what he needs. “you seriously need to get out of your head.”

you laugh, unsure whether he’s being serious or just teasing you. “yeah, i guess i’ve just been . . . distracted.”

“distracted, huh?” rafe glances at you again, one eyebrow raised, almost like he’s questioning you but decides to let it go. “let’s go then. the sooner we get there, the sooner we can get outta there.”

he’s clearly not thrilled about going, but it seems like he’s doing it for you—or, well, for the version of you that apparently wanted this yesterday.

as you head downstairs, his hand brushes yours, guiding you toward the front door. before you leave, though, he glances back at you, his voice lower. “oh, by the way, my dad said your parents are visiting, like, ‘rica right now.”

your feet stop abruptly on the stairs. rica? your parents . . . are in costa rica?

rafe’s voice is casual, but the words hit you like a truck.

for a second, your entire body freezes, your hand gripping the wooden railing a little too tightly. your parents—your parents—are in costa rica right now. it’s like your mind can’t fully grasp the concept.

your parents you grew up with, always talking wistfully about the places they’d visit one day, always saying, “when we have time, when we save enough, we’ll go.”

it’s the sort of thing you used to talk about over dinner when you were younger, your mom flipping through travel magazines, your dad rambling about the rainforest and wildlife they’d visit.

those conversations always ended with a resigned sigh, your mom closing the magazine, saying, “maybe someday.”

but this version of your parents? they’re not stuck in ‘maybe someday.’ they’re in costa riva, living the life they always wanted.

you swallow hard, your throat tightening with the wave of emotion that suddenly crashes over you. you blink rapidly, trying to force away the tears that well up behind your eyes. you can’t just break down. not in front of rafe.

on one hand, you’re genuinely happy for them, knowing that their dream finally came true in this version of your life. but on the other hand, it’s a brutal reminder that your parents, the ones you grew up with in the world you know outside of this, never got that chance. they never made it past those conversations.

rafe, oblivious to you, doesn’t seem to notice the full weight of what he’s just told you. he starts down the rest of the stairs, but you remain stuck on the middle step, your hand still gripping the banister. you take a shaky breath, glancing down at your feet, willing the lump in your throat to go away.

“y/n?” rafe turns back when he notices you haven’t moved. his brows knit together, concern briefly flashing in his eyes. “you alright?”

“mhm,” you hum, and you clear your throat quickly, forcing a tight smile onto your face. “yeah, i’m fine.” you nod, though it feels like you’re lying to yourself more than to him. “i just . . . didn’t know they were there.”

he shrugs like it’s no big deal. “yeah, apparently they’ve been there for a while. you should probably call them tonight or something. i think they miss you.”

that comment hits you like another punch to the gut. they miss you? why is rafe the one telling you this, and not your own parents? unless they have? but . . .

there’s just something you’re not getting. something’s missing. it’s like everyone else—your parents, the pogues, even rafe—knows something you don’t. and the longer you stay in this world, the more you realize that the other version of you, the y/n who actually belongs here, has been avoiding people. ghosting them.

you take a step down, feeling like you’re moving through quicksand, but you try to pull herself together.

rafe watches you carefully, sensing something is off but not fully understanding it. he rubs the back of his neck and takes a few steps toward the door. “c’mon.”

you nod, following him out the door.

@v2los @cosmixstar @meeuhsworld @httpsdrewstarkey @lovdrew @lilithblackkk @rovckwells @cherrylooney @namelesslosers @cocolovey @rafeyswrd @odairtrqsh @vivian-555 @lunaleah @smol-coffee-addict @behindviolettwrites @avngrssckr @stonerroadbull

[ikeuverse]

YOU HATE ME, UNIVERSE? — s.jaeyun

PAIRING: jake x fem!reader  GENRES: smut, fluff, slight angst, a pinch of humor WC: 9.4k+

WARNINGS: swearing, drinking, sexual tension for a while. jake is frustrated for the most part (poor thing, let's understand him here). unprotected sex, oral sex (f. receiving), holding the neck, but no hanging. cum inside (make it safe and cover it up), aftercare. lmk if i forgot anything.

SYNOPSIS: how much the universe could hate you and jake to conspire against you every time you two came close to kissing? it was driving him crazy, jake needed to do something about it.

NOTES: i honestly don't know how this idea came about, it just popped into my head and i let it flow. it was something so natural, so i just let it happen and here it is. i hope you like it!

masterlist

Anyone in their right mind could tell what was between you and Jaeyun whether it was the extremely palpable sexual tension or the mutual desire that coursed through both of you as you became closer and closer.

It was always like that. Ever since the day Sunghoon introduced the two of you as an excuse for his best friend to meet new people. Not in a sexual sense because he didn't want to interfere that much, but he also knew that Jaeyun needed to talk to someone other than him and Heeseung. The boy was completely lonely and it was driving him crazy.

The idea of you becoming someone to talk to, since you were the social butterfly of the group, fit like a glove. So well that Jaeyun quickly opened up to you and the two of you started chatting. But he was so much calmer than Sunghoon and Heeseung when approaching.

Jaeyun was subtle when he arrived, making eye contact first before greeting people. He would say hello to everyone until he sat beside you and brushed his hand against yours to get your attention. At first, it was innocent, you would even intertwine your fingers in his quickly as a response to the greeting, Jaeyun maintaining the grip for a while before being interrupted to greet other people.

What changed was that Sunghoon and Heeseung weren't like that with you. The two of them would come and hug you, and Heeseung would mess up your hair because he knew you'd complain, he liked to annoy you. But no one was able to hurt you because he would break up with anyone. Sunghoon treated you like a little sister, not least because he was dating your best friend and you were responsible for introducing the two of them. He was grateful for that, so he always took the best care of you, hugging you from the side and running to his friend.

Whereas Jaeyun never held anyone's hand during greetings. He didn't make a point of touching anyone other than you or his friends for a quick handshake. That sparked something in you… So this was something just for you and him? An intimate thing that you could call yours and Jaeyun's alone?

Not to be hasty or emotional, you never even asked him, not least because it might put him off or simply make him stop holding your hand. You remember the first day before you met him when Sunghoon told you how shy Jaeyun was around anyone. That's exactly why you approached him: so that he could meet and talk to more people.

But the touching of hands became the least of your problems when you and Jaeyun started to get more physical. He didn't mind holding your waist as he walked up to the bar of the nightclub where you two were with your friends, whispering in your ear whatever silly conversation you and he were having at the moment. You'd notice the way his eyes would leave any corner of the room to focus only on your lips, even if you weren't saying anything. Just listening to him and the words coming out of his mouth.

It was a game of cat and mouse where you and Jaeyun were cornering each other more and more until you couldn't take the pressure.

If you asked him what was going on, he wouldn't hesitate to say that he wanted you. He doesn't know when it started, whether it was the first look you gave him in the living room of Sunghoon's apartment or the warm and welcoming way you greeted him. But Jaeyun was charmed at that moment. He was truly enchanted by you.

Your beauty was unreal and he lost count of how many uncontrollable, low sighs came out of his lips every time you did the slightest thing.

Get a grip Jaeyun, she's Sunghoon's friend and she's being nice to you. He was trying to convince himself of this because a shy university student who didn't have many friends would never win over a woman like you. Outspoken, self-assured, smiling and so beautiful. Not to mention every curve of your body that he swore he wouldn't pay attention to, but it became more and more impossible as he spent more time with the guys and with you.

Jaeyun was terrible at hiding the fact that he was staring, sometimes with Heeseung's help with a gentle push. A push or a hold because you could tell. Not that Heeseung wanted to stop Jaeyun, he was a great supporter of the – almost – couple, but he also wanted to know if you were comfortable with the advances. So he just tried to make everything seem a little more normal.

“How about you get her a drink instead of staring?” Heeseung asked, leaning away from the dimly lit kitchen counter of the decadent party he and his friends had decided to go to that weekend. Jaeyun sighed, turning his back to you who was in another room, but in his view of the kitchen.

“Dude, that's not gonna happen” Jaeyun almost cried at the mention of hitting on you, knowing that he got nervous just by looking at you.

“Of course it will” meanwhile, Heeseung was filling two glasses with concoctions that the other didn't even pay attention to. He was in a dilemma between running out of that kitchen and not listening to Heeseung, or following his friend's advice and bringing you a drink “Now, take this and call her somewhere more private. Trust me.”

He wanted to trust, that's for sure. He wanted Heeseung to be right enough to drop those two glasses, run to you, and kiss you. Holding the plastic cups in his hand, with a little more confidence from his friend's encouraging smile, Jaeyun straightened up.

“Anything, I'll pretend nothing happened, that I was drunk and it's your fault” he said before leaving the kitchen, hearing his friend's laughter behind him before entering the busy, noisy room.

Without losing sight of you, even if his eyes weren't on you, he walked slowly towards you. You were talking to Allie, your best friend, and Sunghoon's girlfriend. Other girls were also around, but as he didn't know many people, just his best friend was enough for him to know that he was surrounded by trustworthy people.

At a moment when Allie decided to pay attention to some questions from another girl, you were speechless for a few seconds, looking around to stop your eyes automatically on Jaeyun. It was as if your body and brain were aware of his approach and where he was.

“Hey” you moved your lips, he knew what had been said just by reading your lips. And because he always looked at your mouth.

“Hey” he greeted back, coming close enough to you to offer the glass of drink. Your throat was screaming for something wet to wash away all the talk from before because when you got together with your friends, there wasn't a minute when you were quiet.

“How did you guess I needed it?” you asked an amused tone in your voice making Jaeyun smile at you.

“Thought transmission?” he suggested, shrugging and sipping his drink.

“Uh girls, I think it's about time” Allie looked between you and Jaeyun, a small smile forming on her lips. You'd say you were innocent if it weren't for the double-entendre noises coming from your other friends.

At that moment you wanted to crawl under that filthy party mat and never leave. Or you wanted to be drunk enough to pretend that your cheeks weren't burning fiercely and that you had nowhere else to look but at him.

“I'm sorry, I—” you began, your voice breaking as there was only you and Jaeyun left in that corner.

“It's okay, I suffer a bit from that with the boys too” he said.

You bit your tongue to ask why, if it was for the same reason as yours since that could mean he had feelings for you too. But instead of asking, again, you let Jaeyun grab your hand as he always did and pull you to another corner of the party. No protest came from your lips as he left with you and went to the balcony of the busy house.

No one stayed there at that moment, even though it was dark and quiet. People seemed to want the movement and loud music, or the rooms stinking of sweat and sex from who knows how many people who had passed by. You and he preferred the calm of the wooden gang with their almost empty glasses of booze.

He sat down first, stretching his arm on the back of the bench while you sat down next to him and, without thinking, snuggled closer into his body.

“Can I…”

“Of course, you can” he didn't even need your continuation to know, you could be like that with him, even more so outside where the small gusts of wind were hitting you both. Jaeyun wanted to go back and get his coat to warm you up, but that would have meant leaving you alone, and that wasn't the plan. He wanted to follow what Heeseung had said in the letter and it was already a big step to have your head resting on his shoulder at that moment.

Not that it had never happened before, the two of you had been like this before. On the sofa in the boys' apartment, when you two went to the movies with Sunghoon and Allie, or during class breaks in the library when you shared a headset. It was so good to be close to him. The glow of the night added a finishing touch to what you and he needed.

The minutes of silence became a little longer, but at no point did you and Jaeyun feel like saying anything. He just listened to the sound of your breathing and, sometimes, your fingers touching his hand, which was resting on your shoulder. It was intimate and cozy, and he wished he could do more with it. The internal dilemma about raising one hand and touching you, pulling you close, and kissing you was screaming in the back of his mind.

What if he was such a coward? What if you thought he didn't like you or didn't feel anything, even if all the sexual tension was seen by anyone outside? It made him a little dazed, maybe even nervous, he could tell.

But Jaeyun hadn't counted on the fact that you could be a bit quicker, with more attitude. Or he could have waited since you were his opposite.

Raising your head enough to look at him, you noticed that Jaeyun was already looking in your direction. The dark, curious orbs shone a little more brightly than usual. The drinking glass had long since been emptied and placed next to the foot of the bench you were both sitting on. So you had your hands free to lift and hold his face between your hands. Jaeyun sighed at the tender touch of your fingertips, almost living a little dream as your thumbs slid across his cheeks. The tickle of tiny stubble ran down his smooth, well-drawn chin.

“Jake” you whispered, as a warning that he could stop you if he wanted to. But his response was the opposite, taking his free hand to your waist to pull you closer to him. The touch of Jaeyun's fingers reached the little bit of exposed skin between the waistband of your pants and the T-shirt you were wearing that night. He pressed his fingers there to know that you could go further, that he wanted to too.

Then slowly you leaned in. Jaeyun's other hand slid from your shoulder where his arm was resting to go to the back of your neck and hold your face closer, afraid that you would regret it and abandon him. He couldn't miss it.

When your breath hitched against his ajar mouth, his lips red and kissable, you saw him moisten them with the tip of his tongue before moving in too. The softness of Jaeyun's mouth brushed against yours before the bang of the door caused you and him to break apart in shock.

“What—” you turned towards the door, your eyes widening with the slight fear that invaded your body and Jaeyun's too.

“You two…” Heeseung stammered, his Adam's apple bobbing in a dry, regretful swallow. He looked between you and Jaeyun with wide eyes, his hand going back and forth from the bench to the inside of the house “I— I got in the way?”

“No” you said slowly.

“Yes, Heeseung” Jaeyun replied, abruptly getting up from the bench and walking over to him “What happened?”

“I'm sorry, I— Shit” Heeseung looked like he was going to cry at that moment, his eyes glazing over at the two of you as he watched you slowly get up behind Jaeyun “I just wanted help because Sunghoon's drunk and I thought I should look for you, but—” he stopped looking at his friend and his eyes went towards you “I can't believe I did that, what the fuck.”

“Hey bro, calm down” Jaeyun seemed a little less nervous, trying to understand that Heeseung really was worried about Sunghoon and wouldn't do that on purpose. You understood too, even though your heart was pounding frantically. Both from the fright and the near-kiss with Jaeyun.

“You can continue, I—”

“No, let's go after Hoon” Jaeyun held Heeseung by the shoulders, giving him a little squeeze before pushing his friend back into the house. You would have breathed a sigh of relief if he had gone in with Heeseung, but instead, he turned towards you.

Jaeyun's eyes stared at your face while you looked everywhere but at him. Come on, you were the one who had leaned in minutes before, so why be embarrassed when he was approaching you? His fingers found their way to your chin and you were forced to hold the man's gaze. A small, shy smile played on the lips you should have been kissing at that moment.

“Do you mind if—” Jaeyun asked.

“No, go help him, please” you knew that the three of them were inseparable, but you were sure to end Heeseung's life when he sobered up.

Jaeyun smiled a little wider, sliding his hand around the curve of your neck and pulling your face to his chest. His lips slowly kissed your forehead and sniffed your hair as if he needed to smell you before he pulled away.

He smiled once more, this time pulling away for real so that he could enter the house and help Heeseung with the task of taking his drunk friend home. While you felt your whole body tingle, even more so in the parts where Jaeyun had touched you, like an addictive drug you hadn't even tasted yet.

Anyone could live with being interrupted just once when they were about to kiss someone they liked. But Jaeyun already felt flames coming out of his ears because it had happened more than once. He couldn't count the number of times he'd tried to be alone with you, looking for more intimate contact with you beyond that party.

First, it was in the apartment he started sharing with Heeseung and Sunghoon. Movie night could always add Allie, you, and any girl Heeseung was interested in. Jaeyun felt lucky to be sitting next to you with his fingers tangled in yours. The small moment when he stared at you, like a silent request to go to the kitchen and make more popcorn with him. Even though the bucket on Allie's lap was practically full. It was just an excuse to sneak away and be alone with you. Slowly pin you against the counter and completely forget about the popcorn that neither of us wanted. His gaze would alternate between your lips and your eyes, the sliding nibble of Jaeyun's teeth against his lower lip to make him suppress a smile, driving you crazy without even realizing it.

He would lean towards you, his breath hot against your mouth again as your heart pounded in anticipation. Only for Heeseung's girl to arrive the next second looking for a glass of water. She was oblivious to everything the two of you were having but didn't fail to apologize for the interruption, listening to Jaeyun's masked response of affection as he pointed out to her where she could get the drink.

The second was at university, late at night, where Jaeyun always ended up staying to study a bit more on Tuesday nights. Calculus was the core of his course, but even so, it was a subject he liked to dedicate himself to, even if he found it easy. He always studied alone and had the company of the famous headphones or a few snacks to pass the time until he returned to the shared apartment, but that changed as soon as you started attending at the same time as him.

Your advanced literature lessons could be a good companion to his calculus classes, while the two of you shared snacks and exchanged furtive glances, Jaeyun could smile slowly every time your hand touched his as you went to pick up the package or simply sneak forward to get the water bottle. He didn't even bother to change seats so that he could sit next to her, get a little closer, and feel the warmth of your body in those last few minutes of studying. Finishing the task with the smell of your perfume in the air was the only thing that could calm him down at that moment.

“I'm almost done” Jaeyun whispered to you, looking in your direction, although your eyes were still on your reading material. He studied your whole calm and relaxed profile, only to almost swallow a sigh when you looked in his direction.

“There's no need to rush, I'll wait for you” you smiled so sweetly that he couldn't help himself. It was now or never, he would have to kiss you because there was no one else there to interrupt. After so long he could finally feel your lips.

Giving a fuck about any personal space rules or anything like that, Jaeyun wrapped his hands around your face and pulled you close to his. He no longer wanted to waste a second without feeling your lips and that's why the rush had to be in his favor now. If it wasn't for the damn librarian and that demon encyclopedia that fell on the floor.

“Fuck” Jaeyun wanted to shout at that moment, his hands still on your face as he felt his whole body tremble.

Your shy laughter only made everything seem worse because you were just as embarrassed as he was. There was no way this could be happening.

“The universe can only hate me, it's not possible” he finally said, moving away from you to collect the materials.

Those were the few times he clearly remembered that he didn't get to kiss you, although there could have been more, but Jaeyun simply wanted to erase them from his mind because he got stressed about that kind of thing.

He knew that it affected the mood of his friends and of everyone around him. It wasn't just you who was a social butterfly, but his best friends too. Living on the university campus with a bunch of talkative people at least gave Jaeyun more to talk about. But he wasn't in the mood. His head was spinning with the thought that the stupid universe was playing tricks on him and he'd never get to kiss you. He could even settle down to know that the attraction between the two of you would be nothing more than physical touches and the light brushing of lips – which was the closest you ever got to each other.

It took his sleep away in an inexplicable way, because how could this be happening? How could someone be capable of bringing him to the brink of collapse just because they'd never managed to kiss? It was humanly impossible, wasn't it?

“Jake” Sunghoon caught his eye, throwing the bath towel over his friend's head as he watched him entertain himself on his cell phone. However, Jaeyun's thoughts were far away from the device in his hands.

“Hm?” he asked, lifting his gaze to look at his friend just out of the shower. Sunghoon was already dressed from the waist down, for which Jaeyun was grateful, so he ran from one side of the room to the other in search of his shirt.

“Are you ready? I need to call Allie and Y/n, they're meeting us at the party” he sighed defeatedly. One more moment he'd be close to you and nothing would happen because there would always be something to get in the way.

“I'm already there, just waiting for you and Hee is having a snack” he muttered.

Sunghoon knew Jaeyun's obvious frustration and how he dealt with it all. He couldn't blame him, after all, if he had been in his friend's shoes, he would have lost his mind. But it turned out that Jaeyun was calm about it, otherwise he might well have locked you in a room at the university and kissed you right there. But everyone was talking about Sim Jaeyun, the calmest, quietest boy they knew. Even if he was collapsing with desire, he would never get past that point. Even if now, in addition to the desire, he felt anger and frustration that nothing had happened.

“Then go get something to eat too, I don't want to see you looking ugly all night” he joked, knowing that Jaeyun's countenance wasn't due to hunger.

With no room for discussion or any jokes, he just headed out of Sunghoon's room and into the kitchen. His steps were slow, contemplating what would become of his and his friends' evening together, yet another university party where he knew he'd be bumping into you all night and being interrupted at every turn. It was frustrating to unravel the evening when it hadn't even happened yet.

“Peanut butter and jelly or just a slice of cheese?” Heeseung greeted Jaeyun as soon as he entered. The sandwich ingredients were spread out in front of him on the counter, making the newcomer's smile widen a little. Heeseung was funny without even trying.

“Peanut butter and jelly sounds good” he said.

“And we can hold our drink for longer” added the other, preparing a sandwich for Jaeyun while keeping his eyes on each slice “You know, man, I think you should bring Y/n to the apartment today.”

“What? What do you mean?” he couldn't take his eyes off Heeseung's movements, the swipe of the knife with jam on the bread, the mixing of the peanut butter until he closed the bread and handed it to his friend. It was all so fast, but Jaeyun focused on each movement just so he wouldn't have to deal with a pair of curious eyes staring at him.

“We can see your anger smoking from afar, Jake” he laughed a little, “Get to the party, find her, and bring her here. So you two can be alone.”

Determined to take a bite of bread and get it over with, he didn't want Heeseung to be so sure of his thoughts. But it turned out that Jaeyun had also been avoiding you for a few weeks because he knew he'd get frustrated every time he got close to you and it came to nothing.

“I'd better let it go” he chewed a little, wiping the corner of his lips with his fingertips when a bit of jam almost got on his cheek “I don't think that's going to happen. I have to accept that and that the universe must hate me so much.”

“Come on, bro, stop being an idiot” Heeseung wanted to throw a slice of bread at him, but he knew he'd be scolded by Sunghoon as soon as he saw it. So he settled for taking a deep breath and biting into the bread he had made for him a while before Jaeyun arrived “You and her just need a space where there won't be anyone, and our apartment will be empty.

“But someone will come” he finished his snack in a few bites, surprising himself with how much he needed it. Searching for a paper napkin, he finished cleaning up the small mess before looking at Heeseung “Some neighbor is going to knock, the cell phone of one of us is going to ring… Anything” he huffed, irritated “It feels like I'm living in the worst romantic comedy of my life.”

“That's why you have the two best friends in the world to help you with this” Sunghoon appeared, stealing the piece of bread Heeseung was about to eat. Avoiding any protests as he made his way to the other side of the kitchen counter.

“And how, exactly, would you two do that?” Jaeyun asked “Heeseung has already gotten in my way once.”

“And I blame myself every day for it, I really do.”

“He almost cries just remembering it” Sunghoon laughed out loud, being joined by Jaeyun in that little implication with the older man “But Hee's right, you two need to come here. It's making even me and him angry.”

Seeing his best friends share that feeling would have been comical, if it hadn't been so tragic for him. Everyone knows the internal drama Jaeyun was going through just for not kissing someone he wanted to. He didn't want to get his hopes up because he knew how the universe wrote things for him and you, so he just shrugged and nodded in agreement.

“Great, then let's go” Sunghoon grabbed Jaeyun by the shoulders, pushing him out of the kitchen.

“Just don't use the armchair in the living room, please. I love snoozing in it” Heeseung whined one last time before turning off the lights in the apartment, bidding a small farewell to the sacred place Jaeyun could take you at the end of the party.

The familiar scene made Jaeyun's body tremble in anticipation. Parties weren't a big deal, but at least he could have some fun and talk to some people before he had to take you out of there. It was his only goal after Sunghoon and Heeseung had convinced him to take you out of that party. He just didn't know how to approach you, since he had been avoiding you for a while.

There would be no need to avoid you if he thought that exchanging a few words was enough since the last time you two were interrupted. But there was no way to think straight and he knew his feelings were confusing, fighting them wasn't working, so the only thought was to keep quiet.

Jaeyun didn't know what it was like to touch your hand or feel you so close for a few weeks. He skipped a few study sessions and even pretended to be tired the times you went to his and the boys' apartment with Allie. A goodnight wave was the only thing you received, not counting the unread messages and some with apologies: I'm busy today, can we talk later? He was a complete jerk, for sure. Now, besides fate denying all of this, you could have lost interest in him just because Jaeyun couldn't deal with his own feelings.

He tried not to focus on that, after all, the party was going on and he just needed to find you. He only needed a few seconds to talk to you and get you out of there, so that was the mission as soon as Sunghoon received the call from Allie, that the two of you had arrived at the party.

It's now or never. He thought. His hands were in his jeans pocket trying to camouflage his nervousness while he had Heeseung and Sunghoon by his side, waiting for the two of you to arrive, which didn't take long. Just like every party, Allie quickly found Sunghoon, consequently finding his friends too.

Jaeyun's eyes quickly found yours, without even needing to know where you were looking because, to his surprise or not, you were already looking at him. Your smile wavered a little, not knowing if he would ignore you again or treat you coldly like he had been doing for the past few weeks, and Jaeyun felt that as you approached Allie. Your eyes wavered, although they didn't leave his for a minute until you were finally close.

“Hey, we found you all” Allie smiled, hugging each one until stopping at Sunghoon, where she remained in her boyfriend's arms.

“We were waiting for you two” Heeseung sang, hugging you and then standing next to the newly embraced couple “How about we get a drink?”

“I think that's a great idea” Sunghoon sang, pulling Allie with him and hearing Heeseung's footsteps right behind.

Your eyebrows narrowed, your gaze confused because neither of the other two spoke much to you and only led Allie away. Not even she had talked that much to Jaeyun in the short seconds that the two of you had appeared. Your gaze followed where the three had disappeared and that made you even more curious, they didn't even bother to call the two of you.

Was this something between them or were your friends wanting to give you and Jaeyun some privacy? You didn't know and it made you apprehensive because after some time you were alone with him with no one around – besides the strangers from the party – so looking in his direction again was different this time.

“Do you—” your voice broke a little, nervous for the first time in Jaeyun's presence “Do you want to accompany them? They're going to drink and we—”

“No” he interrupted you quickly, praying to the heavens that he hadn't sounded rude in his tone or he wouldn't know what to do next. You just raised your eyebrows, surprised by the way he spoke to you. Jaeyun's tone had been nothing compared to his actions as he walked the few steps that separated the two of you, extending his hand to you. The small touch in your hands finally returns little by little. He slid his fingers between yours as calmly as he had ever done since the first time. You smiled involuntarily at that, your heart skipping a beat when Jaeyun's eyes landed on yours. “Let's get out of here.”

“What?” you asked. “Jake, we—”

“Please? Come with me.”

You knew a little about Jaeyun’s vulnerability. The sweet protests he made when there was an argument between his friends, or when he pouted because he couldn’t understand something about college. Even the way he messed up his hair when he was nervous was adorable. But you never thought that seeing him say please with those eyes would make you give in to anything for him.

Your nod was all he needed to grab your hand even tighter and walk to the kitchen door quickly. His friends were still busy preparing drinks without realizing that Jaeyun was standing there.

“Hey, idiots” he shouted enough to get Heeseung and Sunghoon’s attention. Allie smiled when she saw you behind him. “Don’t knock on my room door, or I swear to God I’ll kill you the second that happens.”

It was a short warning, but understanding enough to know that he had finally gathered the courage. Heeseung held back a scream when he saw you holding hands with Jaeyun, waving your free hand without really knowing what was happening, but praying that whatever he had thought of, could happen.

“What does Jake mean by that?” Allie asked as soon as you and him were out of sight, now looking at her boyfriend.

“We left the apartment for him and Y/n tonight” he said. “This kiss needs to happen.”

She laughed at the idea, not being able to believe that this was happening. This almost task force just to make a kiss happen. But she was happy that it would finally be fixed, because neither the boys nor her, could stand to see you and Jaeyun almost falling over because of this.

Arriving at the shared apartment had never been so torturous for him, even more so with you by his side and in silence the entire way back. Jaeyun knew you had countless questions about what was happening, perhaps focused on an explanation as to why he hadn't spoken to you so much in the last few weeks. But the truth behind taking you to his and his friends' apartment was now even more explainable. He wanted to look into your eyes, without interruptions, and be able to tell you that he couldn't stand another second without having to kiss you.

The same silence that stretched in the car was followed by the walk to the lobby of the building, the elevator, and, finally, the apartment where Jaeyun unlocked the door and let you enter first. Quiet and silent, dark and with the wind blowing against the window. That was how the environment was if none of the three boys were inside.

Turning to you after he locked the door, Jaeyun sighed slowly.

“Can we go to my room?” it was almost begged at his request, his voice wanting to scream, but it was as restrained as the desire he had to grab you right there. You just agreed, without protesting at all to his requests since you found him at the party. Although your mind made a few more notes to ask him later what was going on.

You followed Jaeyun with careful steps down the hallway, feeling the scent of masculine lotions mixing in the environment. There was a bit of Heeseung, Sunghoon, and Jaeyun everywhere. At least it was clean and smelled good, unconventional for any apartment where only boys lived. His friends were careful, at least that made you feel relieved.

When the two of you reached the door to his room, it was your turn to sigh, thinking about what awaited you while you were there with the boy. Even though it was his room, Jaeyun didn't let go of his gentlemanly manners and made way for you, his back against the frame and his hand on the doorknob to give you a better view of the room. It was cozy and so… Sim Jaeyun. You couldn’t explain it, but everything in that room was definitely him. From the frames and photos to the trophies and the bookshelf with things on display. Some medals and full bottles of liquor. One of the boys could have given him a gift and he didn’t even open it. You smiled at that, imagining that in the short time you had known him, Jaeyun was the one who drank the least among the boys.

“Sorry if this is all sudden, but—” his voice radiated to your ears, alerting you to the current situation you two found yourselves in. You turned to him, noticing how shy Jaeyun seemed inside his room. The click of the key locking the door didn’t scare you, especially because it wouldn’t be a threat to be locked in there with him regardless of how long the two of you spent. It could be a precaution while the two of you were alone “I needed this time with you.”

Slowly, Jaeyun approached where you were in the middle of his room. Your hands didn't have a clear path, a little nervous about what to do with them, so you left them at your sides and just watched him walk towards you. His head lowered and his eyes wandered all over the floor until he finally looked up at you.

“We're here now, aren't we?” you asked softly, the sound of your voice echoing through every fiber of Jaeyun's body and making him feel electric.

“We are” he said in the same tone, moving a little closer until there was finally no more space between you and him “Y/n…” Jaeyun tilted his head enough so that his height was no different from yours. The same slow ritual that was done before anything got in the way of the two of you. One of his hands slowly reached your face, pushing away any strand of hair that had been left there as you took the steps until you reached his room. His other hand went to your waist, holding you in front of him so that you had no chance of escaping.

You didn't want to be left behind, you needed to touch him too, so your hands slowly moved up Jaeyun's chest until they grabbed the collar of the shirt he was wearing. Your fingers played with the fabric before one of them entered the shirt and held him by the shoulders. That touch made him shiver all over.

Jaeyun tilted his head to one side and you, like a rehearsed dance, tilted it to the other. There was no need for any conversation between the two of you to know what you both intended to do at that moment. Your lips curved into a small smile when your eyes met his, so close and bright to yours. Those eyes that were seen in every way were now staring at you with so much repressed desire that you wondered if you two might have been feeling the same thing.

His hand slid from your face to your jaw, slowly tracing the line until it went down to your neck and anchored between it and your shoulder. The perfect place. As if Jaeyun's hand was literally made to be there. He held you subtly until he brought your face closer, his mouth finally brushing against yours. You weren't ashamed of the groan you let out when his lips finally brushed against yours, feeling the softness that was his mouth for more seconds than you had ever felt before.

But nothing would be so easy for the two of you if it weren't for another interruption. Not so direct this time, but the honking of some son of a bitch on the street startled you and Jaeyun at that moment, almost making him hesitate and let go of you.

“Fuck off” he cursed without caring, not caring that his heart was still in a frenzy from the small scare and interruption. He wouldn't let anything else ruin that moment.

Without thinking about anything else, Jaeyun finally joined his lips with yours in a slow kiss, even though his desire was overwhelming. Pressing his mouth to yours and feeling the heat of your lips, he could melt at that very moment. Your mouth was as delicious as he thought it would be, and as you slowly opened it to let his tongue pass, Jaeyun wasn't ashamed of the pleasurable sound he made at the touch of your warm, wet muscle against his.

The kiss was slow, although loaded with an underlying desire that the two of you had been keeping for so long. Jaeyun's hand remained on your neck as your tongues played in sync, your mouths sliding against each other as if they were made to fit together in that kiss. Your hands slowly ran to his hair, pulling the small strands on the back of his neck as he slid his teeth along your lower lip, just in time to suck on the tip of your tongue before kissing you again with even more intensity.

A shiver ran through your body as his hands began to grope your sides, bringing you even closer and pressing your body against his. You could feel every muscle in Jaeyun's body tense at your touch, but relax as you and he intensified that kiss. You had both waited for so long that now you could die in each other's mouths if it were possible.

“Y/n” he moaned your name, sliding his mouth along your jaw and spreading a bit of shared drool across your skin. You didn't mind the sloppiness, it was turning you on much more than you could admit. Jaeyun found a space between your neck to scrape his teeth and suck a good amount of your skin in a slow hickey.

“Jake” you moaned back, your hands running over his shoulders and down his body until stopping at his hips. It was all involuntary, but you were unable to stop yourself and grabbed him by the waist to press his hips against yours.

“Holy shit” Jaeyun gave an even more passionate hickey on your neck, running the tip of his tongue to soothe your skin when you moaned in response. He wanted to apologize for the carelessness, but he didn’t know how to react to that “You’re going to drive me crazy doing this, for God’s sake” panting, he lifted his face to align with yours. His slightly sweaty forehead was now against yours, his breathing practically irregular as he opened his eyes to look at you.

Unreal. That was what Jaeyun was like after a full session of making out with you. His lips had become even more annoyingly beautiful when they were red and drooling with your drool. His eyes were dazed and downcast from your touches. His entire state in front of you was because of you. It made your panties feel wet.

“Sorry, I—” you sighed, your hands still on Jaeyun’s hips as you tried not to focus on his kissable mouth in front of you “You brought me here and, well… We…”

“I needed to kiss you” he blurted out. His mouth went down to yours again to slowly kiss you again. Jaeyun traced your entire lower lip with the tip of his tongue before feeling you sucking on the tip of his tongue like he had done to you before. That was going to kill him, for sure “I had to bring you here to do this because I couldn’t stand anyone interrupting us anymore. It got on my nerves and—”

Your laugh escaped softly. You looked at him and now reality hit you. It had all been part of a scheme he created so he could finally kiss you. Sim Jaeyun had made all that effort just for a kiss from you… It couldn’t be more perfect.

You leaned into him, your arms wrapping around Jaeyun's neck as you pulled him down and brought his mouth close to yours.

“Now we have plenty of time to do more than just kiss, Jake” you brushed the tip of your nose against him, feeling Jaeyun's breath hitch “What do you think?”

“Would you… Would you let me—” your nod was the confirmation he needed for this to happen. Not that he was intending to, especially since Jaeyun didn't even know if he would be able to kiss you. Let alone have you in his bed that same night. It was a bonus he wouldn't miss for anything in the world.

His heart was beating hard inside his chest, the sight of you slowly moving away from him as you walked backward to the bed was the most perfect sight he had ever seen. There was no way anything could disrupt that moment and he swore that if any noise made, or something happened, he wouldn't stop. There was no way. Nothing could take his focus away as your hands went to the hem of your shirt, slowly pulling it off and showing him the bra you were wearing. Jaeyun was left breathless by all of that. If you were perfectly covered up, without your clothes on he was thinking he might go crazy.

As your hands tangled in the waistband of your pants, he couldn't stay behind and started to undress himself too. Without taking his eyes off you, the eye contact was very vivid as each piece of clothing was discarded on the floor of his room. Neither of you wanted to waste a single second without looking at each other until you were completely naked.

Jaeyun approached, holding you by the waist and gently placing you on his bed. The mattress hugged you like a comfort while his body fit perfectly between your legs. His eyes traveled over every curve of your body, every little detail to record in his memory until he finally looked at your face. So close, so delicate, and at the same time breathtaking. It was then that he kissed you again. This time with a little more intensity than before.

He settled between your legs, one hand holding your hip while the other went to hold your chin, steadying your face as the kiss became hungrier. Tongues fought for dominance and a small trickle of drool ran down the corner of your mouth, but neither of you cared about that. Both you and he wanted to make up for lost time forget any disagreements with the outside world and focus only on each other.

Jaeyun's mouth separated from yours, thirsty to taste you in every corner. He wanted to know what you tasted like beyond the kiss he had been waiting for. Still holding onto your waist, he held your body in place as he trailed his lips down your chin, trailing a teasing path of drool and hot breath against your skin. Down to your collarbone, where his tongue made a longer path up to the top of your breasts.

You moaned his name so beautifully that Jaeyun never thought his cock could vibrate so much because of a sound. It was pathetic for him to admit, but he would say if anyone asked, that you had been the only person on the face of the Earth to get that from him.

“You are simply unreal to me” he whispered against your skin, licking up your chest and down to your nipple. He circled the tip of his tongue and sucked on the sensitive bud.

“Fuck, Jake” you grabbed his hair, almost crushing the boy’s face into your chest. His mouth made a warm place against your nipple as he sucked slowly and deliciously. The sucking made you even wetter.

He smiled against your breast as he gave the other one his due attention, bringing his hand to the one that was already containing his drool to squeeze the soft flesh between his fingers. There was no way you could go any further for that man between your legs. You wanted to pull out every strand of Jaeyun's hair for the little provocation, even more so every time you moaned his name softly and he made sure to suck on your nipple a little more.

Jaeyun's mouth went down between your breasts this time, running his drool over your skin up to above your belly button. He circled the tip of his tongue there, looking up to meet your closed eyes and delighting in the sensation.

“Eyes on me, Y/n” he asked softly, his mouth blowing hotly above your pussy when he finally aligned his head down there. You didn't know if you were able to see him in that state, but if he was unreal kissing you, what was sucking you? There was no way to know that if you didn't look. So you just obeyed him, opening your eyes and finding him looking at you “I promise I’ll be quick, I just need to taste you.”

You don’t even know why you nodded at his request and much less why he wanted to taste you, but you wouldn’t be crazy enough to stop him. Not when the tip of his tongue touched your clit so slowly. As hot as when he touched your nipple.

“Shit— Jake, what…” you moaned once more, a little more prolonged when he stretched out his tongue and licked a large stripe on your pussy. Collecting your essence with the tip of his tongue.

Jaeyun licked your pussy as if he was kissing you in the mouth. Each pass of his tongue through your inner lips and each circle on your clit was another reason to make you moan even louder, intertwining your fingers in the dark strands of his hair and controlling yourself with the urge to push your pussy against his face. It was surreal the way Jaeyun was eating you. The alternating between fast and slow licks, circling your needy hole that was clenching around almost nothing, was too much for you to handle.

And he felt it. Jaeyun felt every contraction of your entrance as he passed the tip of his tongue, circling the area and feeling your taste even more. It was addictive. Like everything about you was. He held his hands on your hips as you fixed your fingers in his hair, slowly letting you ride his tongue as he left the muscle erect for you to delight yourself as you pleased. He wanted you to feel pleasure on his tongue at that moment, although Jaeyun was already feeling his cock ache, pressing it against the mattress of the bed.

“Jake” your voice brought him back to reality as you rubbed your pussy on his tongue, Jaeyun taking the break between keeping it still and, sometimes, sucking on your clit when he felt your pussy descend completely into his mouth “I’m going to cum—”

“No” he stopped quickly, lifting his head from your pussy to look at you.

Jaeyun’s chin was covered with all your juices in addition to the amount of saliva he deposited while sucking you. Your eyes didn’t leave his face for a second as he lifted his body so that his face was close to yours again.

“I said I just wanted to taste you a little, you’re not supposed to cum right now” he sighed, his breathing still fast from being so fixated on your pussy that he almost forgot to breathe. You smiled tiredly at him, even though you weren’t even halfway through what the two of you were going to do.

“Why not?” you pouted, feeling Jaeyun settle between your legs and your hands quickly ran up to his face. Your thumbs ran over his chin, wiping away any traces of you or his mouth, even though your scent was still there. He leaned in a little more, capturing your lips in a slow kiss. The slow sharing tried to calm the nerves between the two of you for what was about to happen.

Neither you nor Jaeyun were nervous about this, just apprehensive about the fact that it would be your first time with each other. The kiss had been magnificent. Everything had been perfect so far, and he wanted this to end up being perfect too. So, slowly, he brought one of his hands to his cock and held it firmly. He ran the head of his cock all over your wet and drooling pussy, wanting to collect as much essence as he could so that his entrance inside you wouldn't be painful.

After a while he finally managed to do that, the head of his cock circled your hole and, carefully, Jaeyun inserted himself inside you little by little. The slow burn of his cock makes your hole mix in pain and pleasure. He filled you with every inch since he entered and you don't remember anything having filled you as well as the few seconds of Jaeyun's cock inside you.

“Because I want you to cum on my cock” he lowered his face into the crook of your neck, pressing his lips close to your ear and with a shit-eating grin on his face even though you weren't seeing it.

Jaeyun's hands went to your hips, using them as leverage to start thrusting into you. Starting the slow and sensual movements, moving his hips to a point where he could go all the way deep inside you and slowly pull it out. The coming and going of each veiny inch of his cock inside your walls only gave more fuel to your moans with his name and your hands desperate to touch something. The target this time was Jaeyun's bare back where his nails dug in as he began to pick up the pace.

“You feel so good— Fuck” he groaned as he thrust hard for the first time. Your groan almost made him back out and apologize because he was so lost in the pleasure that he didn’t even ask if he was hurting you. But as soon as he heard your groan and felt your nails burn on his back, Jaeyun knew he was doing the right job.

“Jake!” your hands ran up to the back of his neck, sliding to Jaeyun’s face and holding him facing you. It got even more intimate as he thrust a little harder into your pussy. “Don’t… Don’t stop, please.”

“I don’t plan on doing this, baby” he was panting, his cheeks flushed and his lips even redder. God, you couldn’t cum just from that sight, you had to pull yourself together with this.

Jaeyun felt the encouragement in your eyes and your words as he watched your mouth part and the hold of your gaze each time he went deeper into you. His balls slapping against your pussy made the wet noise between your legs even more erotic as it accompanied your moans and his. The slaps on your skin were getting faster and louder as Jaeyun's hips gained strength to go deeper inside you.

He was stretching you too much, your pussy getting wetter and wetter as he went deeper. The head of his cock nudging your spongy spots so well and rubbing against your tight, sensitive walls.

You pulled Jaeyun's face close to yours, your mouths inches apart sharing each other's breaths and swallowing the moans you both spilled without caring about each other's names.

“You're going to cum with me, aren't you?” he whispered against your mouth, outlining your lower lip with the tip of his tongue. You only moaned in response and Jaeyun thrust deeper, earning a scream from you when his cock hit your cervix. His hand slowly grabbed your throat and he lifted your face, although you two still had your mouths close to each other.

“I want to cum all over your cock, Jake” you replied, your hand circling his fist that still had his hand on your throat. Jaeyun didn’t apply any pressure to the spot, but having you at his mercy like that was already creating countless scenarios for next time.

Unconsciously his thumb slid over your lower lip, seeing how red your mouth was from the whole session you two shared. In an act of lust and excitement, you circled the tip of your tongue on his finger, putting it inside your mouth.

“Holy shit—” he moaned.

“Faster, Jakey” your pleading eyes and your voice muffled by his thumb were too much for Jaeyun to handle. And Jakey? That had never been said to him, and even more so in such a sensual way and with such a delicious moan that it made his hair stand on end.

He felt something rush into his blood at the combination of your lips sucking on his thumb and your pussy sucking on his cock in equally delicious and wet ways. Jaeyun was feeling on cloud nine having you like this. His hips rocked even harder, using his free hand to support the side of your hips and gain even more momentum to slam mercilessly into your pussy. The slaps on your skin burned his pelvis each time he met your drooling pussy hard. His cock being swallowed deliciously by every wall of yours.

“Oh, fuck” your lips slipped from his thumb as Jaeyun hit you deep again, his pussy-covered cock filling you in every corner. He decided to abandon his hand from your mouth to replace it with his own, feeling your hips stutter as his cock pulsed violently inside you.

“Can I—” he whispered, lips hovering over yours in ragged breaths as the sweat and sheen of Jaeyun’s skin reflected in his eyes. “Can I cum inside you?” he asked so gently, unlike the relentless movements of his hips slamming against yours.

“Please” your moaned plea was enough for him, there was no way to push Jaeyun’s buttons any further like that.

So he focused on kissing you again, sharing the movement of your tongues frantically as he drank in all your moans as his hips gained strength against yours again. Jaeyun’s heavy balls slapped against your clit with each thrust, the hot sound of wetness between the two of you and that was when he lifted your body a little as he pulled your hips that aligned the perfect angle. You felt your entire body tremble as the knot in your stomach broke and you came. So hard and intense, squeezing the walls of your pussy and almost making Jaeyun stop thrusting into you.

But he wouldn't give up, and as you came and squeezed him, it was too much to take. He moaned your name loudly followed by the curses he could remember as he emptied his load of cum inside you. Feeling your walls milk his cock as the jets of cum bathed your walls in a thick, hot white.

Jaeyun could still feel your walls convulsing around his still throbbing cock and spilling the last drops. The two of you stayed still in that position for some time. Countless minutes if you were to notice, but the feeling of still being like that was surreal.

“I think…” he breathed deeply, his mouth still close to yours breathing the same air as you. Rough and warm, irregular and comforting “We need to clean up.”

He didn't want to hear your protests, although he wanted to stay there and he knew that if he pulled out quickly, it would make both you and him sensitive. Then, carefully, Jaeyun pulled his cock out of your pussy with a hiss, earning a moan from you at how empty you felt. The sight of your hole leaking from how much he came could make him jump you for a second round, that wouldn't be a bad idea. But he had to be rational and try one thing at a time. At least for now.

So quickly, running to the bathroom, he grabbed a towel and wet it before wringing it out and only dampening the cloth. Running back to the bed to clean up the remains of his and your sex as carefully as he could. Wearing the towel in the laundry basket before getting back into bed with you.

“Hey, Y/n” Jaeyun whispered your name as he lay down next to you, pulling your body close to his and snuggling you against his bare chest. You grunted softly, feeling the tiredness take over every fiber of your body, but gathering some energy to lift your face and rest your chin on his chest.

“Yes, Jakey?” you smiled slowly, the redness on your face still evident and Jaeyun felt his heart pound even more at that. You looked beautiful in every way.

“Thank you for that, it was so…” he sighed “Amazing, seriously. Thank you.”

“You were amazing at everything, you know that?” you lowered your face to kiss his chest, moving his aching body up just enough for your mouth to be close, kissing him slowly there “I thank you.”

“Let’s thank the universe for conspiring in favor of this, then” he smiled against your mouth.

“Finally. Thank you, universe” you smiled too, kissing him back before feeling Jaeyun’s arms around your waist to make you lie down next to him. Snuggling you a little closer and enjoying the moment that the two of you should have had a long time ago.

Because both of you would enjoy the truce that the universe gave you two, after all, you and Jaeyun deserved it. Nothing else conspiring against what you and he should have had from the start.

© ikeuverse, 2024. do not copy, translate or steal my stories.

[spitefullyjewish]

Okay, this is my third time trying to put this into words. I am very upset, hurt, and honestly terrified. I’m about to share a lot about myself, my family, and a very scary situation happening right now, so for my own safety, I won’t provide too many details.

I live in a secondary city in a South American country. The Jewish community here is very small—around 5,000 people total out of over 50 million. In my city, which has over 3 million people, there are only about 300 Jews. We’re literally on the other side of the world from Israel.

We own a family business, a small clothing factory where we make knitted garments. It was founded by my grandmother 48 years ago. My father is the current manager, and both my sister and I work there. We employ around 80 people. We pay fair and legal wages (not the industry standard in my country), and although times are really hard, we’ve never missed a payment, not once in our 48 years in business. My father paused his own salary and hasn’t received a cent since January, and my sister and I both stopped getting paid for three months. But the people who work with us have always received their salaries as they should.

Now, today, September 30th, (just a couple of days before the start of our high holidays and exactly one week before the first anniversary of October 7th) the biggest and most important public university in my city, in conjunction with the syndicate council, invited the Palestinian ambassador to give a conference about the current situation and the war. Well, apparently, it derailed into open antisemitism and ended up as a conference about how Jews are all thieves and scammers. Because, I kid you not, back in the '90s, a huge group of my country’s biggest companies went bankrupt and couldn’t pay their employees what they owed. One out of about 30 of those companies was owned by Jewish people. So, of course, "we Jews are all liars, scammers, and thieves, just like the Israelis—always trying to take what doesn’t belong to us"

So, what conclusion did they reach at this conference about Palestine and the current war happening on the other side of the world? Well, naturally, they decided to target Jewish-owned businesses in my city (which means our factory and two other small businesses in our area) to protest and vandalize, because we’re all thieves and scammers, and Israel is bad and horrible, and everyone in my city needs to be made aware of that. When are they planning to come? October 7th, of course, when else?

The only reason I even know about this is that one of my Jewish friends decided to attend the conference to hear from the Palestinian ambassador and, risking their own safety, stayed to hear the names of the businesses that are going to be targeted.

I'm hurt and scared and I've been trying not to cry since I found out. These are the people on the left, these we were supposed to be my people, I've marched with them, I've worked and voted with them. I don't know what to do? Please, please tell me how are they different from actual Nazis? How is this situation different from any other jew living in Europe in the 1930's? I guess shannah fucking tovah to me, as if last year wasn't a wake up call. I am fucking awake.

[pedroscurls]

in every lifetime

summary: you lost logan in this universe. logan lost you in his. what happens when you both see each other again, but realize that you're both from different worlds? pairing: logan howlett x fem!reader warnings: post deadpool & wolverine ("worst" logan!variant), angst (mentions of death, loss from both reader and logan), no use of y/n. word count: 2.1k a/n: this is my first logan fic, so if anything is ooc, i'm sorry in advanced! just like everyone else, i've been obsessed with hugh jackman / logan after watching deadpool & wolverine (if it isn't obvious lol)... i had the song 'unchained melody' in mind when writing this story because whenever i hear it, i think of logan for some reason lol (tried to embed it but it didn't work, but i'd highly recommend listening to the song while reading this!) anyway, hope you enjoy!

“I’ll be back.”

“But what if–”

“I always come back, bub.” Logan’s looking down at you, hand cupping your cheek. In moments like this, you can see the age in his features. The crows feet at the corners of his eyes. The gray in his hair and beard. 

“Logan…” Tears sting your eyes. You know he has to leave, has to go help Charles, but there’s a feeling deep in your gut that knows that if he goes, he isn't coming back. 

“Wait for me, then.” He says, dipping down to gently peck your lips. “Okay? Wait for me.” 

“Logan,” you repeat. “What do I do if I– if I lose you?” 

There’s a feeling in the pit of Logan’s stomach, a sense of dread and fear that he’s only ever felt when you were concerned. This feels a lot like a goodbye… That maybe if he does go, he won’t come back. And the thought alone scares him. He never used to have to think about the possibility of dying, his regenerative powers always healing him in record time, but he knows that he doesn’t heal as quickly as before. He feels more pain now than he ever had. And he knows he’s sick, knows that the adamantium that once gave him strength is now slowly making him weaker.

But now, the thought of dying… It fucking scared him. It scared him to think that he’d leave you here, all alone, grieving him. He had never thought he’d be deserving of someone like you, to be loved and taken care of so gently, so sweetly, so patiently. Even with all of the baggage he carried, you never pushed. He knew, right off the bat, that you deserved someone so much better than him, but you stayed. 

Through it all, you stayed. 

And Logan would forever be grateful. After everything he’s been through, the things he’s seen, the things he had to do, the people he’s lost, you gave him a life that was finally worth living. 

“Then, you move on, darlin’.” Logan finally answers. 

“And if I can’t?” 

“You’ll have to.” 

“I don’t… I don’t want you to go, but I know that you have to. Charles needs you and–”

“I love you with every fiber of my being, baby,” Logan interjects. “And I will love you in every lifetime.” 

And that was almost a year ago. The moment he stopped calling, you knew that was it. That he either got into some real trouble or… Or that he was no longer here. It wasn’t until a young girl named Laura showed up on your doorstep, holding his dog tags that your assumptions were correct. 

You had fallen to your knees, a sob escaping your lips, as you felt your world come crashing down. Logan’s death had left a gaping hole in your heart, in your life, and everywhere you looked and everywhere you went, all you could see was him. 

You learned from Laura that during his last moments, he had told her to come and find you, that you would take care of her and give her a good life. Whenever you were around her, you tried to be strong, tried to put on a brave front, but behind closed doors, you were a complete mess. There were days where you didn’t want to get out of bed, didn’t want to eat; you just wanted the pain to stop. Every night, whenever you closed your eyes, you forced yourself to sleep because that was the only place where you could be with him. 

In your dreams, he was alive. 

In your dreams, he had made it back home.

In your dreams, he was here with you, helping raise Laura. 

And every time you woke up, you were welcomed with the sudden reality that he wasn’t alive. He wasn’t coming back home. He wasn’t ever going to be here with you to help raise Laura. 

Logan was dead and now, you had to try and learn how to move on. 

For yourself.

For Laura.

For Logan. 

—

He didn’t know what he was doing here, why he agreed to stay with Wade because it was driving him crazy. This wasn’t even his timeline; he wasn’t even meant to be here. Despite saving Wade’s timeline, Logan still found it hard to fit in. He tried to keep Wade and every single one of his friends at an arm's distance because he knows what happens to people he cares about. 

But the more time he spent around them, the more he felt at ease. Logan would be lying if he said he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, but when Laura mentioned your name at one of Wade’s family dinners, his heart skipped a beat. When he realized he would be able to stay in this timeline, you were all he could think about. 

Logan wondered if you existed in this world and what he would do if you did. So, when Laura casually said your name, his head turned around so quickly that he felt dizzy. There were so many things he regretted in his own timeline, but you were his biggest regret. 

Just like he failed the other X-men, Logan had failed you too. You had been there with the other X-men, trying to warn them of a planned attack and ended up getting caught in the crossfire. You had called out for him, just like Scott, like Charles, like Storm. 

He managed to get to you before you had taken your last breath, holding you in his arms. Logan begged and begged for you to fight, that he’d do things right from now on as long as you just held on, but you were losing so much blood and Logan couldn’t stop it. 

Even then, when you had every right to be angry with him, you gazed up at him with an understanding look on your face. You had always been so patient and kind, so sweet and considerate. You had made him so happy and it scared him, which ultimately ended in pushing you away because he didn’t think he was deserving of it. Of you. 

“I love you, Logan,” you had said, wincing at the pain. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m–” Logan felt a sob catch in his throat, tears stinging his eyes as he looked down at you. “Please, baby, please please please, don’t–”

“I–” you coughed, eyes fluttering as you felt the pain overcome your entire body. “I will love you in every lifetime, Logan.” And then, you took your last breath, eyes falling shut and body falling limp in his arms. 

Since then, Logan drank himself day after day, from dawn to dusk. The alcohol never truly helped, his regenerative powers sobering him so fast, but with every swig of liquor, it burned. And he spent years bringing pain unto others, including himself. 

That was, until he met Wade who had given him a chance, a reason to fight for something… To not turn his back on someone who relied on him. A chance for redemption, to finally make things right. 

“So, will you meet her?” Laura asks, holding Dogpool in her arms as she gazes up at Logan. “She– She used to be with this universe’s Logan and…”

“No chance, kid.” Logan interrupts, shaking his head. “I’m not him.” 

“Did you have someone like her in yours?” she asks. “She’s always put me first, always made sure I was taken care of even when she didn’t have to, when she was grieving. And I think–” Laura sighs. “I think if she knows that some version of you is alive, it would make her real happy.”

“I’m not him,” Logan growls, feeling his irritation spike. “‘Sides, she’s better off without me.” He stands from the table and walks out into Wade’s balcony to get some fresh air, shutting the door behind him as he leans against the railing.

“But she’s coming tonight,” Laura finally says, long after Logan’s walked away.

Throughout the rest of the dinner, Logan remains outside. He can hear the muffled laughter coming from inside and it only angered him because it was just another confirmation that he didn’t belong here. He’s already on his fourth bottle of beer when he hears a familiar voice, smells a recognizable scent. He turns slightly and catches you stepping into Wade’s apartment, an arm slinging over Laura’s shoulders so casually, so maternally. 

He feels his heart rate pick up. Your smile still lights up a room and he can’t help but his lips turning upwards at the sight. With his enhanced hearing, Logan can hear your voice and he shuts his eyes for a moment, tuning all of his attention on you until you’re the only one he hears. 

Then, he hears your laugh and he lets out a sigh. He never thought he’d be able to hear that again, but his eyes shoot open when he hears you say his name. There’s a shocked tone in your voice, laced with sadness and hope. It all but crushes him because he knows that you’re probably expecting someone else, expecting this world’s Logan and he doesn’t want to disappoint you. Not again. He doesn’t think he’d be able to handle it if he were to hurt you again. 

But when he looks at you, his breath catches in his throat when your eyes meet his. Logan notices the surprise look on your face, but before he could try and escape, you’re already walking towards him. When you open the door and step out with him, your scent fills his senses and it makes him dizzy, like he can’t fully concentrate. 

“You…” he hears you say, voice unsteady. “You’re not… I’m–” you sigh and shake your head. 

“I know who you are,” Logan finally says, his own voice shaky. 

Your hands reach out for him, but stopping halfway when you realize this isn’t your Logan. This is not the same man who died all those years ago. This is some version of him – much younger, less wrinkles and gray hairs in his hair and beard, but he still has that same look on his face. The scowl. 

“From Laura?” you ask hesitantly. 

“From my universe,” Logan answers. 

“There– There’s a version of me in your universe?” 

“There was.”

“And what happened to me?” 

Logan’s jaw tightens. “The same thing that happened to your Logan in this universe.”

“Oh.” Your face drops, eyes softening. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. 

Logan wants to run far from here, far from you because he feels himself yearning for more. He almost forgot how it felt like to be near you, to be inches away that he can just reach out and pull you into his arms. Your eyes captivate him, the kindness it expresses makes him feel like he matters. You had always made him feel that way that even through all of his anger, through all of the walls he put up, you showed him that he was deserving of something good. Even if he didn’t believe it himself. 

And you… You were the best thing to ever happen to him.

“Don’t know why you’re apologizin’,” Logan mutters. 

There’s an uncomfortable silence that engulfs the both of you. He can see the tears threatening to spill over, can see the way your lower lip is beginning to tremble and he has this sudden urge to console you, to wipe away the tears that have now fallen down your cheeks. 

“I’m sorry,” you repeat, bringing your hands up to wipe away the tears that seem to be trickling down your face nonstop. “I just– Losing my Logan just crushed me and I don’t think I’ve ever recovered.” 

My Logan. 

Logan can practically feel his heart beating in his chest. This isn’t a conversation that he thought he would be having and certainly not with someone he loved and died because of him. 

“That’s okay,” Logan responds quietly, his tone softening. “I don’t think it’s easy to recover from losing someone you love.”

“Did you– Did you love me in your universe?” 

Logan nods slowly, tightening his jaw as he gazes down at you. “With every fiber of my being.” 

Your eyes widen and stare up at him. This might be a different Logan, but hearing those words again just brings you back to the moment you last saw your Logan before he left to go take care of Charles. 

“Did you love me in yours?” Logan asks hesitantly.

You nod instantly, tears trickling down your cheek as you stare up at him. “I’d love you in every lifetime.” 

Logan feels his own set of tears pool at the corners of his eyes and he moves a hand to rest on the railing, fingers lightly brushing against yours as he stares into your eyes. 

“I’m not him,” he whispers. 

“I know,” you say quietly. “And I’m not her.” 

[achilles-rage]

Good Luck Charm: Chapter 20

college football player!buck x plus size!reader

summary: you go back to school early to attend a new year’s eve party.

word count: 3.5k

previous chapter

series masterlist

a/n: the last chapter!!! screaming crying throwing up fr. i’ll definitely post an epilogue though, and maybe some other short drabbles because i’m gonna miss them :// i also wanna thank everyone who reads this fic, i appreciate it so much!!! anyway, enjoy<3

warnings: a hint of smut, no use of y/n, fem!reader, plus size!reader, race inclusive!reader

MDNI- 18+ only!

Two long weeks later, it’s finally time for you and Evan to go back to school. You continued to sneak into Evan’s room each night, and had managed not to get caught each time his hands started to wander, innocent touches becoming something entirely different.

While you did tease him about keeping his hands to himself the first night, you were a little surprised when his hands traveled down your soft tummy and traced the waistband of your panties. You almost stopped him; the fear of getting caught clear in your mind, but your words were cut short when his hand dipped under the fabric and ghosted over your clit. His lips were on yours before you could make a sound, and when he finally pushed his cock into your dripping cunt, his lips were replaced with his hand as he whispered how good you were being into your ear.

This morning is no different. You wake up early; earlier than either of your parents, Evan’s bare chest against your back warming you up immensely.

“Are you sad to be leaving?” he whispers, his hot breath hitting the back of your neck. You hum softly, shrugging as you think about it. You turn in his grip before you answer, unable to fight back a smile as Evan’s face studies yours with a lovesick expression.

“I love my parents, but I think I get along with them better when we’re apart. Spending some time with them is nice, but I’m glad I’m not living here all the time.” you tell him in the same hushed tone. He nods, seeming to understand where you’re coming from. When he’s at school, sometimes his parents call to catch up, and he can almost pretend that he’s close with his parents when that happens.

“I’m glad. Because now we can go to the New Year’s party at Delta Phi.” he says in a teasing tone. You roll your eyes, laughing softly. He practically begged you to leave a couple of days early so you’d be back for the party once he found out that the theme of the party was to celebrate the university’s sports teams. “Now I can see you in my jersey again. Like old times.” is how he put it when he asked, and you couldn’t say no.

It had been a while since you were able to wear his jersey, and the last time you had, he ended up in the hospital, so a part of you was eager to get some better memories of wearing it.

“You really do like to party, don’t you?” you tease, laughing as he scoffs.

“Come on, they’re fun. You can’t tell me you didn’t like the parties I brought you to, other than the first one.” he says, his jaw clenching when he speaks about the first party you went to a party with him. He still has to see Jared at practice, but for the most part, Jared tries to steer clear of him, and he’s thankful. As much as he wants to fucking kill him for what he did, he knows that wouldn’t be the best idea.

“Alright, they’re not as bad as I thought they’d be. But that doesn’t mean I’d pick going to a party over, like, a movie night. But I like when you get all protective.” you tease, leaning in to kiss him softly. You can feel his fist clenching at your side, where he was holding your hip, and you know what he’s thinking about. You’ve stuck close to Evan at every party since then, and he always has to have a hand on you. Either an arm around your shoulder, or his hand in yours, or on the small of your back. He won’t let you leave his sight.

“Gotta protect my girl. Always.” he tells you earnestly, his hand unclenching as he lets out a breath. He knows he’s more upset about the situation than you are, even though it happened to you, but he can’t help it. He still feels a little guilty for even losing you in the first place.

“And you always do. From people and from the dark.” you tease, and he chuckles. Then in an instant, he moves to pin you to the bed, his body positioning itself between your legs, making you squeal softly in surprise as you giggle. He shushes you softly, lowering his face to the crook of your neck as his hands pin your wrists to the bed beside your head.

“Gotta be quiet, baby. I’ve gotten through two weeks without your dad hating my guts. Can’t start now.” he murmurs against your neck before beginning to trail kisses across your skin. You bite your lip as you tilt your head back, reveling in the feeling of his lips on you. Truth be told, your mom has caught you a couple of times in his room, not that either of you have been awake to notice. She stands near the door with a smile on her face each time, seeing you cuddled up together. She thinks it’s sweet, and she’d never tell your dad, anyway. This is not one of those mornings, evidently.

“We can’t have that.” you whisper, meeting his gaze as he pulls away from your neck. He smirks, moving your wrists up above your head and grabbing them with one hand, then his other moves down to push your shirt up over your plush tummy and chest.

Once your shirt is bunched up above your tits, his eyes trail down your body as he licks his lips. He’s so glad you only ever sleep with an oversized shirt and panties, like you’re just begging him to take care of you.

He leans down and gives you a short, but passionate, kiss, then moves down to your neck again. You bite your lip as his kisses move further down your neck, and he moves his face away for just long enough to move below your shirt, then begins to kiss down the valley of your breasts to your round tummy. He hums softly as he presses featherlight kisses to the skin littered with stretch marks, nipping and sucking softly as he goes.

He loves marking your tummy; he loves seeing the marks that are for his eyes only, and he likes the way it makes you squirm, but he also loves it seems to make you feel more confident. He loves your soft belly, and he’ll keep leaving marks across it until you love it completely, too.

His hands move down to your hips, grabbing and harshly pulling your panties down your legs with a low grunt, now leaning back on his knees to look at all of you.

“God, I love you.” he whispers once you’re left in nothing but your bunched up shirt, his fingers moving up your inner thighs.

You inhale a shaky breath as he leans down until his face is directly in front of your core. He smirks as he keeps eye contact with you, and the last thing he says before his tongue makes contact with your slick folds is “My gorgeous girl. I’m gonna ruin you.”

You get back to your apartment at around 6, which is still much earlier than when you have to go to the party, but after waking up early and driving all day, you feel like you need a nap before you get ready. Buck dropped you off, and after insisting on carrying your bags up for you, he gave you a sweet kiss and told you he’d be back around 10:00 before he went back to his place.

Your eyelids flutter open an hour or so later, and since you showered this morning, and you know you’ll probably get some form of alcohol spilled on you tonight, you don’t bother showering. Since you now have some time before Evan picks you up, you drag yourself out of bed and into the living room, flopping down onto the couch your roommate isn’t currently sprawled out on.

“How was your break?” she asks innocently, although her expression is anything but. She knows you brought Evan to meet your parents, and she has been patiently waiting since you left for any little detail of your visit. You didn’t want to tell her over text, so you kept telling her you’d update her when you got back. And since she got back four days before you did, she had begged you to tell her, claiming she was too bored and lonely all alone to wait.

“Well, my dad doesn’t hate him.” you tell her with a smile. She laughs, rolling onto her side to face you with a smirk.

“Tell me everything right now.” she urges, and you roll your eyes. She watches you intently as you begin to tell her, leaving out the parts about you sneaking into his bed every night, for the most part.

Just like promised, Evan buzzes your apartment intercom at 10pm, and your roommate lets him in, as you’re still finishing up your makeup. It’s nothing crazy, just some mascara and lip gloss, but you waited a little too long before you started to get ready; instead spending your time catching up with your roommate.

He walks into the bathroom, eyes trailing down your figure as you bend over the counter to touch up your lip gloss. You’re wearing your favourite pair of jeans and a white long sleeve shirt, knowing you’ll get cold in just Evan’s jersey on the walk to and from the party. You jump slightly in surprise as Evan lets out a low whistle, turning to see him leaning in the doorway. He’s wearing a white hoodie under his own jersey, and you can’t help your eyes traveling down to his broad chest. God, how did you get so lucky?

“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” he asks in a teasing tone, closing the distance between you and dropping your jersey onto the counter before he pulls your hips against his. He meets your lips in a kiss, and you whine softly as you pull back, frowning.

“I just put on lip gloss.” you say, fighting back a smile as you look up at his lips, now shiny and glittery. You reach up and wipe it off with your thumb, and he chuckles softly once you pull your hand away.

“And you can put on some more. I wanna kiss you.” he tells you sternly, then leans in for another kiss.

“Your teammates are gonna make fun of you if you keep doing that. You’re gonna walk into the party with lip gloss all over your face.” you tease once you lean back again, but letting him kiss you for longer this time. You wipe off the lip gloss again, then push him away by putting your hands on his chest. He rolls his eyes, but lets you push him back, then watches you intently as you turn back to the mirror and fix your makeup.

Once you’re finished, you grab the jersey off the counter and throw it on, tucking one side into your jeans so it doesn’t look so awkwardly long.

“You ready, princess?” he asks once you turn to face him. You smile, nodding as you grab his hand and maneuver around him to lead him out of the bathroom. You meet your roommate near the door, ready to walk over with both of them. She’s going to the party anyway, and you’d rather her walk with you and Evan than walk over alone, even if she’s meeting some of her other friends there.

It’s a quick walk over, as your roommate is already a little drunk, and cannot seem to keep her mouth shut. You walk hand in hand with Evan as she walks in front of you, barely even paying attention as she rants on and on about the party.

“Is she gonna be okay once we get there? I kinda don’t want to leave her alone.” Evan whispers to you as she keeps talking. You look up at him, your heart swelling in your chest. You know he’s protective of you, but him being protective of your friend as well makes your heartbeat quicken.

“She’s meeting a few friends there; she should be fine. One of them is staying sober too, so she can keep an eye on her.” you tell him, and he nods slowly. Although this calms him, he still feels a little nervous about it.

“And, her friend’s boyfriend is on the lacrosse team. He said he’d keep an eye on them.” you tell him, and he nods, letting out a breath. That makes him feel a lot better.

“Yeah! He’s gonna set me up with a hot lacrosse player! It’s a sports party, and I don’t have a jersey. Gotta get one somewhere.” your roommate tells you as she turns her head to look over her shoulder at you two. You both let out laughs as she smirks and raises her brows a few times.

“I have faith in you.” Evan responds, and you roll your eyes, shaking your head. You watch as she turns on her heel and walks up to him, forcing you both to stop in your tracks. She raises a hand and puts it on his shoulder, looking up at him with a serious expression.

“You don’t know how much that means to me.” she says, swaying gently side to side. Evan furrows his brows as he lets out a confused laugh while you laugh loudly. Her head snaps to you as you laugh, then takes her hand off of Evan’s shoulder and puts it on yours.

“You’re so lucky you already have a jersey. I love you guys.” she tells you, then throws herself at you, wrapping her arms around your shoulders. You stumble back, shaking your head as you wrap your arms around her torso, hugging her back.

“Alright, let’s go get you that jersey.” Evan says in a teasing tone, making eye contact with you over your roommate’s shoulder. He winks at you as she finally pulls away, mumbling a quiet “good idea” as she turns and starts walking towards the party again.

The party is in full swing once you drop your roommate off with her friends and Evan says hi to a bunch of his teammates throughout the party. You’re staying close to Evan, getting jostled around as people sway to the music and shove their way through the crowd around you. He keeps his arm firmly wrapped around your shoulder, only letting you go when he grabs both of you a beer. You aren’t a huge fan of the taste, but you take it with a smile, figuring that you’d rather be a little buzzed and deal with the taste than have to endure the lights and noise around you sober.

Just like clockwork, Evan starts to get more handsy when he’s a few drinks in, keeping his front pressed against your back as he holds you close to him. His arms are firmly wrapped around your waist, and his chin is resting on your shoulder as he sways you back and forth with the music.

“Have I told you how good you look in my jersey?” he says in your ear, practically having to yell in order for you to hear him over the music. You laugh softly, rolling your eyes. You’ve had a few drinks, but you’re nowhere near drunk, not as drunk as him, and his clinginess makes your face heat up.

“Yeah, a couple times.” you respond in a teasing tone, turning in his grip to angle your face towards his. He grins, then leans down and gives you a sloppy kiss on your neck, mumbling a “good” as he does. You tilt your head to the side as he kisses you, grinning as you shake your head.

You continue to dance with him until it’s almost midnight, and you only stop when the party around you starts to feel even more chaotic, if at all possible. You turn in Evan’s grip, wrapping your arms around his neck once you’re face to face with him.

“Hi, baby.” he says over the music, and you giggle softly.

“Hi, my love. It’s almost midnight.” you reply, tilting your head to the side as he continues to sway you both back and forth.

“Yeah? What’s that thing people usually do at midnight, again?” he asks in a slightly teasing tone, then gives you a wink. You roll your eyes, shaking your head.

“I’m not sure, why?” you tease back, laughing more when he scoffs.

“I’m gonna kiss you so hard.” he says with a cocky tone, smirking. You rest your forehead on his chest as you laugh, closing your eyes. He’s such a dork when he gets like this, but you wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Whatever you say, baby.” you tell him once you look up at him again, a smile spreading across your face. He’s about to reply when everyone begins to countdown, and he grins, moving one hand up to your jaw, tilting your head up further.

“I love you.” he whispers right as the clock strikes midnight, and then he meets your lips in a searing kiss. You smile against his lips, hands gripping the front of his jersey as you rise onto your toes, momentarily forgetting that you’re in a room full of people, not that anyone notices, or cares.

You keep one arm around his torso as you both walk up the walkway to his house, his arm wrapped around your shoulder as he leans against you. You fish his keys out of his pocket and unlock the door, which proves difficult as Buck leans against you from behind, hands and lips attached to you, and finally get him to his room. You push him back onto the bed, and he falls back with a low grunt, then smirks as he sits up on his elbows.

“I like where this is going.” he says, licking his lips as he eyes your soft figure. You roll your eyes, then walk over to the edge of the bed, urging him to sit up. You pull his jersey and hoodie over his head in one go, and he raises his arms to help you as you do. You then grab his hands and pull him to stand in front of you, telling him to take off his pants so he can change into sweats to go to bed.

“What are you doing to me? I am not that kind of girl.” he tells you sternly, but his hands move to make quick work of the button and zipper of his jeans. You giggle, watching him pull his pants down and then lay down to let you pull them off of him completely.

“No? Not even for me?” you ask in a sweet voice, a smirk on your face. He shrugs, pursing his lips as he studies your face, then after a moment, a smile erupts on his face.

“Alright. Maybe for you.” he murmurs. You hum softly, then grab a pair of his sweatpants from his closet and toss them at him. He puts them on haphazardly, then stands up and reaches for the hem of the jersey across your chest. “Your turn.” he mumbles as he begins to pull your jersey and your long sleeve shirt up and over your head.

Once your shirts are off, his hands move to your jeans, tugging them down. He watches as you step out of them, and then he grabs your jersey off the bed and puts it back on over your head, humming softly as it falls down your body.

“Perfect.” he murmurs, then cups your cheeks with his hands and kisses you sloppily. You kiss him back, hands resting on his chest as you part your lips, and he eagerily pushes his tongue into your mouth. Once his hands start to wander, grabbing your ass and pushing you against him, you break the kiss, looking up at his puffy lips and blown pupils.

You push him away, muttering a soft “lets go to bed.” He exhales a loud sigh, but obliges, laying down on his back on the bed, and holding his hand out for you to take. You grab it and let him pull you down onto him, resting your cheek against his chest. Once you’re comfortably laying on him, and your leg is thrown over his legs, he sighs in contentment.

“I think I’m gonna keep you forever.” he drawls, his eyelids beginning to grow heavy as he feels his body sinking into the bed and his sheets enveloping him in warmth. You smile, humming softly.

“You better.” you whisper, and he squeezes your thigh softly in response. You can hear his breathing becoming more steady, and you can tell he’s almost asleep, but you speak once more before he falls asleep.

“I love you.” you whisper.

“You know I love you, princess.” he mumbles before sleep finally overcomes him.

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[alvojake]

Last Second Chance | Y.JW

「prompt」 : again 「pairing」 : jungwon x fem!reader 「word count」 : 2.1k

「synopsis」 : you have given jungwon chance after chance, but eventually, you can’t find it within yourself to give him any more chances.

「genre」 : angst

「warnings」 : cussing, infidelity, toxic relationship, emotional manipulation, victim complex, arguments, threats, small mention of suicide, gaslighting, y/n slaps jungwon, lmk if I missed anything!!

「notes」 : LET ANGSTOBER COMENCE!!! we're gonna be starting off pretty strong, and I can tell you right now that it will probably only go down the angsty pit from here... I hope you all enjoy!!

The first time that Jungwon cheated, you forgave him so quickly just because you loved him too much to let him go after just one mistake. And he did promise that it would never happen again, so it should be fine, right? 

Wrong.

Oh so wrong.

The one time turned into two, then three, and eventually four times. Every time, he apologized with tears in his eyes, begging you to forgive him and promise never to do it again. And there you were, forgiving him. 

Every. 

Single.

 Time. 

You just couldn’t bring yourself to tell him that every time you caught him with another girl, it felt like a piece of you died. When you see the smile on his face when he looks at other women, knowing that he has never looked at you like that, it feels like your heart is being ripped out and stomped on. Or that whenever your friends tell you that he isn’t good for you that you always, always stuck up for him, saying that it was just a simple mistake, but deep down, you knew that he would do it again.

But what hurt the most was when you confronted him, and he would break down into tears, practically falling to his knees, gripping the hem of your top, begging and begging you not to leave him and that if you did, he wouldn’t have anything else to live for. That he might as well just fall over and die. Those few words always worked, and you gave in apologizing to him, never catching on to how quickly his tears dried up or how nonchalantly he would walk away from you as if nothing ever happened.

But now, after the sixth time that he had been caught, you were starting to believe that he was being caught on purpose. That he was doing this as some sick and twisted joke just to mind-fuck you, but you didn’t want to believe it. At least not until now, when you were sitting on your couch watching a video that your friend had sent you from the club.

It was a video of Jungwon with a girl perched in his lap, his hands everywhere where they shouldn’t be for a taken man. His lips curled in a seductive smirk as he leaned towards the girl, his lips ghosting her jaw, and the words that left his mouth made your stomach drop.

“Don’t worry about y/n, just a few tears and begging she’ll forgive me.” 

He sounded so sure of himself, and that’s when it dawned on you who exactly it was that was perched in his lap. You had seen that girl almost every time he had been caught, the same girl who had appeared in all of the photos and videos.

Your phone fell from your shaky fingers, causing a loud thud to echo around the room, the air seeming to become thicker, making it harder to breathe. Your heart was thudding against your ribcage at a crazed pace, your ears ringing so loudly in your ears.

But you didn’t cry.

For once in the long six months that this has happened your eyes didn’t fill with tears. You didn’t feel like crying; no, you just wanted to scream.

Scream at Jungwon for being such a manipulative prick. Scream at yourself for not understanding and seeing it sooner. But most of all, you wanted to scream at the universe for putting you through so much torment.

Then, as if the universe wanted to throw it into your face a little bit more, you heard the front door open. Your head snapped in that direction, and as soon as you saw Jungwon walk in with the girl in the video, suddenly, everything became crystal clear to you.

“Sorry to intrude y/n, Jungwon just got really drunk, so I thought I’d bring him home.” She smiled at you sweetly, and if you hadn’t just watched that video ten times in a row, you would have thought her actions were innocent.

“Yunnie, let's go to bed.” Jungwon slurred as he tugged on the girl’s arm, and she patted his hand as she looked at him.

“Y/n is here. Why don’t we let her take you to bed? " the girl suggested, but you didn’t miss the smug smirk on her lips when Jungwon refused.

Swallowing thickly, you snatched your phone off the ground and stood to your feet. "No need, you two have fun.” Your voice was void of any emotion as you stood to your feet, and she looked at you with faux shocked eyes.

“Oh no, you’re mistaken, y/n; it’s nothing li–”

“There’s no need to play dumb,” you said harshly as you shoved past them, grabbing your keys and slipping your shoes on. “I’ve seen the videos and pictures.”

She looked at you in shock this time. Why hadn’t Jungwon ever told her that you’d seen the videos? 

“Oh, and tell Jungwon I’ll be here in the morning to get my things.” You told her with a hint of finality, not giving her even a chance to say more as you pulled the front door open and walked out, the heavy wood slamming harshly behind you.

—

Just like you had promised, you made your way back to your and Jungwon’s shared apartment early that next morning despite the raging hangover that you woke up with. You had expected to walk in with a heavy heart, hurt, and dread, but all you felt was… nothing.

Not a single emotion, just completely and utterly numb.

Walking into the apartment, you were met with silence, which was to be expected. You knew that Jungwon was probably not up yet, and even if he was, he wouldn’t give two thoughts as to why you weren’t there.

Kicking your shoes off, you made your way into your shared bedroom only to find it completely empty. However, you didn’t give it much thought as you opened the closet doors and pulled your suitcase out. Hefting the luggage bag onto the bed, you started grabbing all of your clothes from your side of the closet and throwing them into the black case.

You were so focused on making sure you grabbed everything that you didn’t even hear the door open until his voice filled the silent room.

“So you’ve finally come back.” His voice was filled with hurt, and you didn’t even have to look to see that he was wearing that faux sad expression.

Breathing shallowly through your nose, you continued grabbing your things, “only to grab my things.”

Jungwon’s eyes widened for a millisecond at the tone of your voice, not once hearing it, seeing as you usually would be crying, asking him why he did it. Pushing himself off of the doorframe, he made his way over to you, grabbing your arm.

“Why are you packing? Are you leaving me?” He asked, tears brimming in his eyes as you turned to look at him. “Is this because of Yujin? I swear it was just a one-time thing; I was drinking and wasn’t thinking stra–”

“Cut the bullshit, Jungwon; we both know it wasn’t a one-time thing.” Your tone was harsh as you pulled your arm from his grasp, “This is the seventh time that you’ve cheated with the same girl.”

Jungwon then dropped down to the ground, tears streaming down his cheeks and his hands grabbing at the hem of your shirt. It was the same scene you’ve seen many, many times before.

“It was a mistake; I promise I’ll never do it again, baby.” He started the begging, and it took everything in you not to scoff, crossing your arms over your chest, “Please forgive me, baby. I’d rather kill myself than be without you.”

“Then I guess you better start researching ways to do it.” Your voice was bland, and your eyes started to prick with anger as you looked down at his shocked expression. You might want to explain to your little plaything, too," you shrugged, shoveling his hands away from you and turning back to the closet.

“When did you become so heartless, y/n?” He continued the act, looking up at you from the ground, hands folded in his lap.

This time, you couldn’t help but scoff, hands dropping to your sides as you glared at him, “When did I become so heartless? No, Jungwon, the better question is, why are you so heartless?” Turning towards him, you shoved a finger in his face, causing him to flinch back, “We have been together for over a year, and for the last six months, you have done nothing but break my heart time and time again, and for what? Some fucking pussy? Which is really fucked up on your end because anytime I brought up sex, you claimed you ‘weren’t’ ready.” You were seething, the words falling from your lips.

“But you—”

“But what Jungwon? I have done nothing but care and love you all while you went and cheated. The worst part is I forgave you. Every. Single. Fucking. Time.” Red was starting to cloud your vision as your voice grew louder with every step you took towards him.

Jungwon stumbled back in astonishment, wide eyes staring up at you because, by now, you would have given in to him. He started to wonder what had changed, but he also was about to let his pride be bruised by someone like you.

“You!” He scrambled to his feet, a crazed look in his eyes as he pointed in your direction, “do you even know why I cheated?” You ignored him, though, not really caring to hear any of the bullshit he’d spew. Seeing that you weren’t even paying attention, he stomped towards you, “You are nothing but a selfish lowlife who thinks of no one but herself. You trapped me in this relationship, and you expect me to just deal with it?”

At that point, you saw red, anger boiling in your veins as you spun around to look at him. One moment, he was nearly in your face. The next, he was leaning against the wall, holding the cheek you had just slapped.

“Me selfish? I have done nothing, nothing but look after you. I have forgiven you time and time again because I loved you. Everything I did, I did for you!” You shouted, tears spilling from the corner of your eyes and not from sadness, but from anger.

“Yeah, you’re selfish,” Jungwon started, pushing himself off the wall and shoving his finger in your face, “if you hadn’t asked me out in front of all of those damn people, I wouldn’t have felt obligated to say yes!” He shouted, and you couldn’t help but look at him in disgust.

“You are such a prick,” You growled before shoving your suitcase closed, not caring that you didn’t have all of your things; there was no point in fighting with someone who was just going to see himself as the victim.

Pulling the luggage bag from the bed you made your way towards the bedroom door, pushing Jungwon out of the way in the process. Your ears rang loudly the closer you got to the front door, knowing that you were getting ready to close the book on something you’d thought would last for a lifetime, and that’s when the tears of sadness started.

However, Jungwon couldn’t stand not having the last word and followed you down the hall: "If you leave now, I will never take you back, and we both know you’ll never find anyone like me.”

Swallowing thickly, you stopped in front of the door to slide your feet into your shoes before turning to look over your shoulder.

“Good, because I would hate to find someone like you again.” Your tone was nothing short of venomous as you pulled the front door open. "Goodbye, Yang Jungwon.”

And with that, you walked out of the apartment, leaving him standing there gasping like a fish out of water as the door swung shut. You left behind all of the good and bad that came with the man, never wanting to think about that chapter in your life again as you walked down the hall, small, quiet sobs leaving your lips.

‘Good riddance’

That was all you could bring yourself to say as you drove away. Away from what you thought would be forever. Away from the man you thought you had loved, but without the rose-colored glasses, you now saw clearly, and you promised yourself. Promised that you would never let yourself go through something like that ever again.

@alvojake | Do not steal, plagiarise, translate, or repost any of my work

𝖉𝖎𝖘𝖈𝖑𝖆𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖗 : ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴᴏ ᴡᴀʏ ᴀ ᴛʀᴜᴇ ʀᴇᴘʀᴇꜱᴇɴᴛᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴀɴʏ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱ. ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ᴘᴜʀᴇʟʏ ꜰɪᴄᴛɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ꜱᴇʀɪᴏᴜꜱʟʏ.

[stayconnecteed]

🪐˓⠀˚⠀drive you wild⠀@⠀no nut november.

synopsis: throughout the academic year, the sigma kappa zeta fraternity hosted so many parties that it was impossible to keep track of them all. the leader, bang chan, organised the beginning-of-summer party 一the last before going on vacation一, but the first party, held the first weekend of the first term, was also very famous. it happened in its sticky atmosphere, in the house where the eight frat members lived, that hwang hyunjin heard about the no nut november challenge for the first time. he proposed it to the group before the end of october, and when november 1st arrived, everyone was more than ready to win.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀pairing ★ each member individually x reader.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀genres ★ non!idol au, college au, sigma kappa zeta universe ; stablished relationship, friends to lovers, started dating recently (first time together), friends with benefits to lovers.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀warnings ★ it all starts with a bet. smut warnings are - besides hickeys, heavy make out, blahblahblah - oral fixation, corruption kink, choking kink, amiquesis, begging, hair pulling, dollification, restraints, clothed sex, daddy kink and make up sex. swearing, alcohol consumption, jealousy, but mostly fluff & comedy. more warnings per chapter.

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀author's note ★ couldn't decide if i should write kinktober or nnn adn ended up creating a mix. may i present to you mars' no nut november, but every time a member loses, the scene involves a kink hehe big big thank you to @cinhomi my baby rora who helped me to clear doubts i had about some plots 🤍

⠀⠀⸺⠀⠀credits ★ mdni banner by @cafekitsune + warnings : if any under 18 / ageless acc interacts with this series i'll block them.

SEE MORE.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀general mlist.⠀⠀taglist.

00 ⊹    the bet : introduction

01 ⊹    try it, bite it, lick it : part one

02 ⊹    as she walks through : part two

03 ⊹    please, please, please : part three

04 ⊹    oh, to touch her : part four

05 ⊹    to forget my own name : part five

06 ⊹    my pretty angel : part six

07 ⊹    make you mine : part seven

08 ⊹    take my breathe away : part eightㅤ

ㅤㅤin the same universe.⠀⠀⠀come home, w seo changbin .ᐟ

ㅤㅤ© stayconnecteed 2024 ★ do not copy, translate, repost or share this work as yours on other platforms ! consider leaving a comment or reblogging.

[haruchi-slit]

"TAKE A LOOK IN MY EYES, CAN YOU FEEL THE TENSION?"

warnings: enemies who fucks each other + reader is called as: "miss president" + they're literally enemies + p in v

ryomen sukuna was notorious for being a trouble maker at your university, for fuck's sake he doesn't have any proper bone in his body he's always having the time of his life, fucking girls in vacant classrooms, always out for after school fights, he believes it's for the "thrill" and he's always been a pain in your ass, he's you call him "pain in the ass sukuna" with how much trouble he's dragging you, both of you are just so opposite at everything, but they say "opposites attract" and fucking hell why is it right?

"this is the 3rd time the two of you got in trouble, do you want me to expell both of you!?" the principal's voice roared thru his office. you flinched as the principal shouts, you're standing beside the one and only fucker who got you dragged on his mess, "no, of course not." he responds, making the principal's brows twitch. "I'm so disappointed on you miss president. how can you not prevented this to happen?" the principal said, "the two of are going to clean the basketball court as punishment. this is the last time I'll be seeing the both of you here. get out. the two of you GET OUT!" the principal screamed, you saw him getting red with frustration, which you found funny.

"this is all your fucking fault" you huffed, with furrowed brows, "my fault?" he twitched, "it's our fault dumb bitch." he huffed back, you gasped, "call me bitch one more time i swear you fuckin' monkey" he smirks, "okay...biiiiitch" and oh, all hell breaks loose. you threw the broom on the floor before marching angrily towards him as he awaits with a devious smirk, but before you could punch him, the principal walks in, almost catching you red handed... "what's going on?" you quickly retrieved your fist and jabbed sukuna on his side "fuck-ing ouch!" , "nothing sir! he was telling me a joke! righttt?" "no you-" you jabbed him once more and he winced in pain, "yeah, yeah, and then the frog jumped out the window!" "OH hahahaha! that's so funny sukuna" you laughed, while shooting deadly glares at him, "oh is that so? very well then I'll leave you two be." the principal squints before going out.

you took a deep breath before picking up the broom "let's get this over with." "why do you hate me that much, hm?" he sighs angrily, "cause you're a pain in the ass, you're a frat boy, you're ugly, you act like a stupid fucking monkey and the list goes on"

you saw his eyes twitch as you enumerated his flaws, "are you fucking blind? ugly? where? fucking bitch."

the two of you were always at odds, constantly trying to outdo one another in everything. Whether it was in the classroom, on the sports field, or in any other aspect of life, you and Sukuna were rivals...

but there was always an underlying tension between the two of you, a spark of attraction that neither of you wanted to admit it was bad and you knew it. it was a dangerous game with fire, this constant push and pull, but neither of you could resist.

"close the damn door before you head out airhead" you shout, picking up your bag from the floor, "why should i?" he hissed, "just do it fucking hell!" you shout louder, "fuck you!" sukuna shouts back "no, fuck you bitch!" you spat back before walking out. after the incident, you didn't saw nor heard of him for a week, which is a fucking relief, but for fuck's sake why's destiny always ruining good things for you?

"WHAT the hell is wrong with the two of you?!" the principal shouts, "this is the fourth time, i need the two of you to work on your attitudes, you two are INSANE, who in their right mind would fight Infront a teacher?!" "the principal adds, "it wasn't my fault i swear!" you tried to justify, "sure, it wasn't your fault." "tell him sukuna." you screamed, "tell him what?" he scoffs, "get the fuck out of my office, NOW!"

the both of you were punished to clean the rest room and locker room for a whole semester, after the heated you both are now in the locker room,

"fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU why do you need to ruin my day?! you're bat shit crazy! get a life for fuck's sake!"

"can i use you for that?" sukuna smirked

"go fuck yourself"

and the argument between the two of you goes on and on, that it turned into a physical altercation, "fuck you" you shout, "you wanna fuck me that badly?" he laughs, shoving you to the ground, "go to hell, fucker!" you spat, kicking his knees hard "I'll drag you down with me bitch." and before you knew it, you were pinned against the floor, sukuna's lips crashing down on yours in a fiery kiss.

"what-the fuck, mhmm.. are you doing-" you paused between kisses, "you're pretty when you shut the fuck up, -you mnnn, should do that-fuck- more," "oh-ngh why don't you shut the fuck up too?" you groaned, unbuttoning your blouse off, it was like a switch had been flipped, all that pent up frustration and desire exploding between the two of you. clothes were quickly discarded, sukuna's hands roaming over heated skin as you both gave into the pool of undeniable lust and pleasure, "fucking hell, you're so good, fuckkk, you smell so sweet, i wanna destroy you so bad.." sukuna lets out a shaky moan, "s-shut up- airhead" you whimpered, arching your back as you feel his member sliding in, your eyes rolls back in the deepest depths of your skull, while sukuna's hands roam freely on your body, "you infuriate me -so ugh fuck!-much" you babbled, "yet you can't even resist my touch" sukuna chuckles, "c'mon miss president, your face's flushing so hard"

"s-hut up!" you struggled to form a word, in that moment, all previous hatred and animosity were forgotten as you both lost yourselves in each other. bodies moving in perfect sync as you both reached new heights of pleasure.

"f-fuck sukunaaa- yes just like that- mhn-" you cried, "can you say "please" miss president?" "go fuck- yourself!" sukuna laughs before he lifts your leg up and placed it on his shoulder, "fuck you're squeezing me so fucking tight" he says, pounding his hips to yours, "fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckkk!" you yelped, "gonna cum, miss president?" "oh-nghhmm, yes yes!" sukuna grinned, stretching your leg further to it's limits, "fuck-" and with the last final thrust both of you came to your climax, you can feel his member twitch inside of you as he shoots thick strings of cum in you, "this never happ-" *KNOCK KNOCK*

"hello, is someone in there?"

...

taglist: @catobsessedlady @tojis-ball-sack @sukunawhores @sugoroo

[intooned]

MY FAVORITE SHIPS!

This was a LONG time coming! And I want to thank @expensiveeggplant & @coffinbrotherr for putting up with my procrastination while boiling down the who and why of this list!

Adventure Time: Finnceline

Finn and Marcy's personalities and experiences play so well off of each other that I'm thoroughly convinced the writers were terrified of their potential. They would be an amazing butt-kicking couple, and that wouldn't leave Finn with as many flaws to develop as a young man coming of age. But it's such a shame because you know they'd always have each other's backs and best interests at heart. And with a fully grown adult Finn I'd bet money they'd have at least turned out as cuddle buddies... who occasionally engage in some very aggressive cuddling.😏

Gravity Falls: Dipper x Pacifica x Mabel

The first episode I ever saw was the one where Pacifica and Mabel play mini-golf. I wasn't fully paying attention and assumed Dipper and Mabel were just best friends dealing with a bully. The car ride home together was cute and solidified my first ever threeway ship. THEN I found out they were siblings...

Then I found out fanfiction didn't care!

Star Vs. The Forces of Evil: MonStarco

The MonStar AU is where things are relatively the same except for one thing: Star is half or part monster. It makes good sense that Star, being an interdimensional magical princess from an interdimensional magical kingdom would be a little more... interdimensional. It gives some fresh blood to Starco fics, which can be a bit too vanilla most of the time, especially when you get to parts where Star's otherworldly anatomy and quirks cause all sorts of problems and shenanigans! Sort of like her muberty phase but she's stuck looking that way, super interesting!. It reminds me a lot of the episode of Teen Titans(original) where Starfire was going through alien puberty, and how fun of an episode it was to watch. The fact that there's tons of Monster Star AU art out there helps a ton as well too!

Steven Universe: Lapiven & Stevinel

Lapiven: These two are the perfect example of "cute sunshine boy X hot goth gf". Plain and simple, Steven's optimism is exactly what Lapis needed to begin working through what happened to her. And no one appreciates a cinnamon roll the way a scarred person does. Also, tell me they don't look like a couple everytime they're onscreen together? I mean really watch them! Blushing, giggling, constant eye contact, twinkling eyes, immediately responsive to each others change in mood, plenty physical contact, elation whenever Steven calls or visits.

You can call it platonic for the Shtewball, but Lapis adores Steven in every sense of the word! She warned him and negotiated his safety when she realized Homeworld would get involved. She held Jasper prisoner in her own head to protect him. She faced her trauma and returned to confront the Diamonds, ready to put hands and feet on an enemy she knew she couldn't beat. And entirely because, to her, Steven's safety was more important than her life! Weigh out those exact same scenarios, their exact same interactions with each other with just about any other two characters in animation and tell me it doesn't make sense? I swear most of their episodes together is just them going on dates!

Stevinel: Now this is special to me. On the opposite side of the scale Steven and Spinel share the same feelings of abandonment and inadequacy from and by Pink. Of course they aren't the only ones, but Spinel didn't raise Steven as a parent or sibling. There was no one better suited to empathize with Steven's issues, and his downward spiral into becoming a monster who hurts people.

What Spinel went through in the movie is too on the nose for what Steven goes through in Future, and I'm flabbergasted that the writers chose to have her be of little to no help when Steven needed to be shown that he didn't have to hold himself together on his own!

But back on topic. The other Gems love Steven, but Spinel is wired to love him just like Pearl, on top of whatever blooms between them naturally. So when those wires were damaged from Pink's abandonment, it's quite poetic that Steven is the one to mend them. From there It's as easy-peasy pink-heart-squeasy to assume the seeds of affection could sprout from such fertile ground. It also helps that there's little bits and pieces from the creator of the show that heavily suggests Steven and Spinel's relationship isn't concretely platonic, at least for Spinel.

Possibility is all that is needed for shippers and fanfictioneers to run wild with wishful thinking. I also might have a revenge boner for heartbroken characters who find happiness despite the tomfuckery done to them. "Pink abandoned me in her garden? Guess I'll have Steven frolicking in mine.

RWBY: Nora's Arc

Although I may grow enamored with other RWBY ships, I always come back to this one. It's just tons of fun! Responsible & Awkward meets Extroverted Hurricane, legally banned from IHOP and the Sloth exhibit at the zoo! Premium family man real estate meets poster girl for found family and there's no one better than Jaune 1-of-8 kids Arc to get the job done!

I'm also of the mind that Nora's bombastic personality is meant to draw people to her, because she's absolutely terrified of being alone and left behind again. And with family gatherings at the Arc residence, isolation is all but nonexistent.

Wakfu: Yumalia

Dreams do come true! LET'S GOOO! Not much to say; they were set to be together from first sight and it was a rollercoaster from there. A lot like Aang and Katara, Yugo got his feisty princess and Amalia got her dashing hero. It's classic, it's timeless, and you love to see it done well!

The Dragon Prince: Rayllum

Obvious cuteness is obviously cute. It's nearly unheard of for the strange but exotic alien girl to be the one intrigued and smitten with the human boy. An action adventure fantasy but the non-human girl is the awkward one hiding her feelings? Sign me up! It's a breath of fresh air!

Sonic The Hedgehog: SilverWolf

The newest addition! Some fresh meat to sink my teeth into as I rekindle my love for the Sonic franchise! I haven't followed anything Sonic since the fever dream that was Sonic 06, but happened to see a few panels of Silver talking to what appeared to be a new character, Whisper the Wolf! Shy, soft spoken, but not from timidity, rather a desire to not scare others away because of her frightening features.

Pairing her with the very approachable and reassuring Silver makes for good chemistry in my opinion. I also adore Whisper's color scheme and the combination of silver, gold, and neon lights they have in a lot of comic panels together. They'd make a cute pair that's easy to reduce to a blushing mess with any little bit of teasing, and I'm here for it!

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!

I have loads more ships but these are the ones that I felt were most worth sharing.

[gossippool]

ok hear me out. bartender pov fic where before everything went to shit logan was still a regular and because he would always sit at the counter they inevitably started talking and bonded. but after the x men died and the world hated logan the bartender had to grapple with continuing his friendship with logan which could cause him to lose his job and other relationships, or act like he hated logan too. and maybe some part of him actually did hate logan because of the blood he shed, but he was one of the only people alive who could almost understand what logan was going through because of how much logan had told him about his life before, and he would just have to live with that guilt and knowledge until he dies

and of course then wade comes and takes logan out of his universe and the bartender never sees him again. and maybe he'll spend the rest of his life wondering what happened and if things could have ended differently between them if he'd tried harder

[sp00kymulderr]

I just want to…

Joel Miller x transmasc!reader

A lover boy drabble

Warnings/Tags/Notes: 18+. No outbreak au, Trans male reader, note that their breasts are mentioned. Mention of binding. Mention of dysphoria. feelings. LOVE. omg the love. kissing, touching, grinding, making out. Joel can't keep his hands off you. There is no universal trans experience, and therefore this is very personal to me. But if you love it, let me know so I can keep this series going. Unedited and unbeta'd. I love them so much it hurts.

Words: 1.2k

Ever since you started seeing each other, you and Joel can hardly be apart.

Half the time, you spend making out on his couch or in his truck like horny teens. Like despite his age, and your self-consciousness, you can't ever seem to keep your hands off of him.

He makes you feel like the person you always wanted to be, always craved to be. The kind of guy that men go weak for, men like Joel, all gruff and stoic and yet with you he turns into a puddle. He whimpers your name between kisses, and you can barely stop yourself from taking things further - but one thing is stopping you.

You've noticed how Joel's hands stay put, usually on your waist or hips, rarely straying further unless to squeeze your ass while you straddle him on the couch. He's being respectful, but you've felt the way his fingers grip and twitch, like he's stopping himself from moving them further.

You'd spoken about this before, how sometimes you can't be touched, sometimes it's difficult for you to feel reminders of your feminine features, and when the dysphoria is bad you can barely bring yourself to even look in a mirror, let alone let this handsome man grab handfuls of you and make you feel less of a man under his touch.

Joel understands it. He's more respectful then you anticipated, somehow. He kisses you slowly, softly, lets you set a pace, make the rules. He lets you take the lead, as you grind against each other in the drivers seat, parked outside his house because you know what will happen if you go inside, and maybe you aren't ready yet. And baby, that's okay, he whispers against your lips.

Tonight. Well, tonight you couldn't stop yourself. It was less a walk and more that you floated from his car to his porch to his living room to his sofa. Onto his lap, into his large hands, caressing carefully down your sides as you kiss him desperately and moan into his mouth.

And tonight, unable to stop himself, his hands move just an inch higher than usual, just beneath your chest. And his hips grind up into yours, something large and hard and needing under his jeans that makes you practically quiver with your own dreamt upon desires.

And he asks. Tonight, he asks.

“Can I touch you, baby?” Joel asks, the deep timbre of his voice vibrating through your ribcage. It’s the hottest fucking thing a man has ever said to you, and he says it like that?

“Yeah, god, yes… just- Not…not there…” You say, wash of shame through you because what if he wants to touch you there most, what if that’s what he’s been dreaming about, waiting for.

“Hey…” He takes your chin between finger and thumb, soft as he makes you look at him “Show me where”

At once you heart stops and starts, your body shivers with the lust in his voice, the desire to know you however you most want to be know. Everything on your terms. He wants what you want, and this is the first time with anyone that you've really felt that.

And maybe this is the moment you know he's the one.

He gives you a gentle, easy smile. Encouraging. You let out a shaky breath and run your hands through his salt and pepper curls before you nod, and return a shy smile of your own.

"You're really something, Joel Miller"

"I just want to make you feel good" Joel chuckles softly, shakes his head. Your stomach flips, falling fast and hard and it would be fucking terrifying if you weren't with him, in his arms.

"You gonna let me make you feel good, baby?"

You can't help the warm feeling that dances through you at his words, the raw honesty in them. He doesn't just want you, he wants your pleasure, and he's not shy about the fact. If he wasn't still holding you tight on his lap, you might've just melted into nothing right now, or maybe floated away.

Your eyes meet his again, no more trepidition or shyness to you, not now you know. Not now he's got you, never letting go of you as far as you can tell. It would be something else, to have someone like this fall in love with someone like you. To need you.

Is this what it feels like? To be someone's person? To be his man.

Wordlessly, you take his hands which are still perched carefully on your hips. One, you guide up but careful to stop it before it hits a place you can't be touched today.

"Right now it feels nice here, just beneath…or just above. Sometimes I bind, and i'll be okay with you touching all over. Sometimes I'll just want you to touch everywhere, with no rules" You explain softly, watching his eyes follow where you lead his hand.

You let out a shaky breath, and move his other hand down to the meat of your ass, let him paw at you there.

"That's…that's good. Yeah. Always good when you do that"

Joel mumbles something before he's capturing your lips in another searing, passionate kiss. This one doesn't end, doesn't want to. Neither of you can pull away, and paws at you, gropes, squeezes, worships as he whimpers against your lips. His hips are bucking up harder, grinding into you and it's overwhelming in the best sense as he shows you just how much he wants you to feel comfortable and good and perfect with him.

"Fuckin' love touching you, wherever you want to be touched, baby. You just tell me what you need, I'll always give it to you. Yeah?" The words are more a growl of desire rising up from deep within him, some primal thing awoken with the desperate grind of his hips, whilst his lips kiss down from yours until they're pressed against your pulse point and nipping greedily.

"You're the most handsome guy I've ever met. Most perfect. I just want to…"

And he doesn't even need to say what he wants, not this time.

"I want you to. I- I want…here, like this"

And it's the boldest you've been with the man since you started dating, but never once does he make you feel like any of this is a rush. You pull his hand down, let him cup you through your jeans while he bites at your flesh like you're the most delicious thing he's ever been allowed to taste.

You grind down on his hand, the heel of his palm and the friction of your clothes making a sensation that makes glimmering bright stars shoot behind your lids.

"Like that. Like that"

"Just want you to feel as good as you make me feel"

"I do, Joel"

And then there are no more words. Nothing else to say. The gasps and the whines and the moans are all that there needs to be. While he follows your guidance, and keeps you comfortable, whilst also make you fall apart - all for him to put together again, and again, and again.

"Hey" he murmurs into your hair after, "You good, baby?" And you can barely reply with anything but a giddy muffled giggle into his chest. Good might be the understatement of the year.

And then he says.

"How'd I get so lucky, to get a guy like you?"

And yeah, you can tell by the uncontrollable flutter of your heart.

It's him.

And now it's him and you.

[harley-sunday]

Vagabond

Summary: There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for Daniel. Even if it means flying out to Singapore on race day. 

Pairing: Daniel Ricciardo x reader (unnamed OFC)

Warnings: Language

Word count: 1.9k

AN: How could I not? ♥

Part of the Pieces of Us universe (collection of one-shots). 

Pieces of Us masterlist 

The sound of your phone ringing pulls you out of your early morning slumber and you blindly reach for where it’s laying on your nightstand, swiping right to accept the call without really looking at the screen, “Hello?”

“Hey,”

You pull the phone away from your ear and look at it in disbelief, thinking maybe this is all a bad dream, but the caller ID confirms it's not, “Blake?”

“Yeah.”

Shit. 

“Taff-” there’s an urgency to his voice that makes your heart beat faster and sends your mind racing because there’s no reason to call this early unless- Oh God- Daniel- What if-

“Taff,” Blake says again, his voice kinder now. “I need you here.” 

You let out a whimper in pain because no- Not like this- God, not like-

“Oh. No that’s not why- Shit. He’s ok,” Blake quickly tells you, “but I need you to listen, ok?”

You nod, then realise he can’t see you and so you whisper, “Ok.” 

“There’s a flight from Perth at twelve ten,” Blake tells you, using what you and Daniel dubbed his ‘manager-Blake-voice’. The one that doesn’t take no for an answer. The one who you trust blindly. And so you listen. Even if you don’t know what the hell is going on. “You’re flying Qantas, so you can use priority. I’ve already checked you in, I’ll send you the boarding pass in a couple of minutes. I’ll text you the rest of the information for when you land in Singapore, but there’ll be someone to pick you up, drive you to the track so you can see him before the race starts, ok?”

Twelve ten. Ok. That’s means you’ll have to be at the airport at ten at the latest, even if you only bring a carry-on, so you’ll have to leave here at nine-thirty, which is an hour from now, so technically there’s enough time, unless-

“Taff?” Blake’s voice interrupts your thoughts. “I need you to make this flight, ok? It’s important.”

It’s important. 

The words echo through your mind as you try to connect the dots, try to figure out what it is you’re missing, try to understand why Blake would call you at eight AM on a Sunday morning during the Singapore Grand Prix weekend, asking you to fly out not even four hours later. You try to come up with a million other reasons why he needs you there but it’s no good- You know there can be only one.

People say that whenever something mentally or physically terrifying happens, a person will either fight, or flight. You like to think there’s a third option; save what you can and make sure no one gets left behind. And so you ask, “Do you want me to pick up Joe and Grace?”

“No.”

You push yourself up from where you’ve been sitting on the edge of the bed and walk over to the window, peeking through the curtains to find the sun already high in the sky, “No, they’re driving to the airport themselves, or-”

“No, they can’t make it in time.” 

“Blake,” you whisper, something heavy settling deep in your chest because this is not how it’s supposed to go. “If this is- If he’s-” You take a shaky breath, “They should be there.” 

“I know, babe, but-” he sounds absolutely defeated. “I looked at all the options but with them at Karroun Hill they’re too far from an airport to make it work on such short notice.” 

You feel your throat go dry, because his parents should be there. “Michelle then?”

“She’s got the kids-”

“I can take the kids,” you offer immediately. “If I go over there and watch the kids, Michelle can go. They might still let you change the name on the ticket if you-”

“Taff,”

You start to feel yourself get desperate, “He needs his family there, Blake.” 

“Taff,” Blake tries again, his voice filled with sympathy. “You’re his family too.”

***

It takes you forty minutes to shower, pack a small overnight bag, and leave the house. Of course you need to stop for gas, which costs you another ten minutes, but ninety minutes after Blake called you’re at the airport and waiting for your flight to board. Which isn’t for another two hours. 

You kill the time by having breakfast, or try to anyway, because you’re way too nervous to eat more than a couple of bites and so instead you find a quiet corner and send a text to Grace and Joe to let them know you’re flying out to Singapore. Michelle gets a text too- by now you know better than to call anyone in a public place, especially with this kind of sensitive information- and she replies within minutes, telling you to give her brother a big hug when you see him. 

You decide against texting Daniel, don’t want him to be distracted, and instead you spend your time people-watching and remembering the last time you were in Singapore, two years ago, when Daniel finished fifth in that piece of shit McLaren. It was his best result in that god awful final year with the team and so you ignored Zak Brown’s pleas to celebrate with the team and instead opted for a quiet celebration with just the two of you. 

You’re so lost in thoughts you almost miss the final boarding call but there’s a kind gentleman next to you that nudges your elbow and says, “Isn’t that your flight, sweetheart?”

***

In the end, there’s a delay leaving Perth, a delay arriving at Singapore, and a never-ending queue at customs. To say you’re on edge when you finally get into the car Blake sent to pick you up would be an understatement. It’s already past eight in the evening and there’s no way you’ll make it to the track in time to see Daniel before the race. Your already broken heart breaks into a million more pieces at the thought of that and it takes everything you have not to break down right then and there. 

The driver seems to feel there’s an urgency, weaving in and out of traffic effortlessly, dropping you off at the paddock entrance a mere twenty minutes later with a hesitant smile. You make sure to thank him by tipping generously before you get out of the car and step into the hot Singapore air.

With only a few minutes left until the race starts there’s an almost eerie quiet in the paddock, most people getting ready in their respective garages, pit walls, or starting boxes, and so you make it through the gates and into the alley behind the garages with relative ease. No one seems to pay you any mind as you walk to the VCARB garage, which suits you just fine. 

The formation lap starts just as you enter the back of the garage, the roar of the engines sending a shiver down your spine. You find your way through the maze of corridors, offices, and driver rooms with relative ease, grabbing your pair of headphones as you pass the comms wall, and then all of a sudden you’re in the actual garage and there’s no going back. 

You look around and find Blake in his usual spot, near the back, standing a little to the side so he can keep an eye both on the monitors and the pit wall. The pit crew is too busy watching the cars line up on the starting grid and so you’re able to sneak past them to stand next to Blake. You look at him once you’ve put your headphones on and connected them to the comms unit and your heart, oh your heart. He looks so defeated, the sad smile he wears so unlike him, and you hate it. 

There’s so much to say and yet you both keep quiet, knowing now’s not the time. It’ll come- After. 

And so when Blake puts his arm around your shoulders and pulls you close, just as the red lights come on one by one, you have to bite your lip to keep from crying and try to get time to slow down. You don’t want this race to ever start. Or end.

***

It’s when Daniel gets boxed on lap fifty-eight that Blake nudges you and motions for you to take your headphones off. When you do, he leans in and puts his mouth close to your ear, “Pierre’s going to share his channel with you after the finish, ok?”

All of a sudden there’s a lump in your throat and all you can do is nod.

***

“Ok mate, thanks again for the hard work,” you can hear Pierre tell Daniel. “When we stop at the bridge, P1 on full-car switch-off, P0 on everything else.” On the screen you see Pierre looking at the garage from over his shoulder, “There’s someone here with a special message for you, Daniel.” 

“Hi babe,” you start, the tears you’ve been fighting all day finally spilling over. “I just want you to know that I’m so proud of you.”

There’s a lot of static on the line but you think you hear him let out a quiet laugh, “Ah, I can’t believe this.”

“I’ll see you in a bit, ok?” You smile through your tears, “Take it all in, Dan. It’s yours.” 

On the screen that shows you his onboard camera, you can see him nod. It takes a while before he answers, but when he does his voice is full of emotion, “Yep. Understood.”

***

It’s when the screens show Daniel sitting in his car, in Parc Fermé after the race, that you need to step out of the garage and into the corridor that leads to Daniel’s driver room. Because all of a sudden it hits you. He’s never going to have a moment like this ever again. The quiet crying from earlier turns into big, ugly sobs because God, it hurts. There’s too many people around for anyone not to notice you and so you use your access code to unlock Daniel’s room and step inside, a safe haven in the middle of all this madness.

You try some of the breathing techniques Michael taught you when he was still working with Daniel and after a few minutes you’ve calmed down, if only a little. It’s then the door opens and Daniel steps inside and all of a sudden it’s like nothing else exists. He looks the way you feel and so you are wrapping your arms around him before he’s even had the chance to close the door behind him and tell him, over and over and over again, “I love you. I love you. I love you.” 

 You know there’s not much time, know he has interviews and debriefs to get to, and so you pull back a little and cup his face, rubbing your thumbs over the stubble of his beard before you lean in and kiss him. Hard. 

“I should go,” Daniel whispers against your lips.

“I know-”

“Wait for me?”

“Take as long as you need.” You stand on your toes and press another kiss to his lips, “You know I’d do anything for you, right?” There’s a hint of that mischievous smile you fell in love with all those years playing on his lips, and so you match his smile and add, “And-” 

Of course he plays along, “And?”

You rest one hand against his chest, over his heart, “You love me for it.”

He lets his hands fall to your hips and rests his forehead against yours, sharing a breath, “That I do.”

“That you do.” 

He presses a kiss to your forehead then, “Always.” 

[impossiblesuitcase]

Since Cinder is able to lower and raise her audio interface, it's likely that her hearing is artificial and she was deafened from the fire. So I have a modern AU headcanon where Cinder is deafened by the fire and wears hearing aids as a child. But when they break, Adri won't pay to get news ones or have them repaired. So Cinder relies on lip reading and she and Peony start learning sign from the internet. After a few years Cinder begins learning mechanics and is able to fix her hearing aids. She now prefers sign as she uses it with her deaf friends so she often turns her hearing aids off or doesn't wear them.

Flash forward to when Cinder is at university on a mechanical engineering scholarship. Kai reads her name in the uni newsletter under the scholarship recipients and is super impressed to see all the engineering awards she won as at such a young age. He comes up behind her one day and starts speaking. She says nothing. He feels really awkward and walks away. Then later on he sees her across the lawn with a group of other deaf students signing.

He is so invested in getting to know her that he starts learning sign in between classes and studying. Then one day he 'happens' to be strolling by the route she frequents and 'accidentally' drops his book which she picks up. He signs 'thank you' and they start signing. He's slow and messes up a lot but she finds it cute.

A few months pass and they build a friendship through sign. Kai wants to ask her out but he's embarrassed that he only has the signing abilities of a toddler. Then one day he sees her at a party and is walking up to her when Thorne pops around the corner, yells "Hey Cinder!" and she waves and says, "Hey Thorne."

Kai bluescreens. He runs up to her and splutters out, "you can hear?!"

She parts the hair covering her ears to show off her hearing aids. "I speak more than I sign because of my classes. I thought you already knew."

Kai says he didn't, and asks why she never spoke to him since she could.

She shrugs. "I thought you were only hanging out with me because you wanted to practise your sign."

He gapes. "I was signing to you because I want to date you!"

Cinder is flustered; she already thought he was a cool guy, but to hear that he learnt sign specifically so he could communicate with her is touching.

Over the next few weeks they speak and she teaches him more sign. One day she teaches him a new sentence and he asks what it means. She tells him, "let's go on a date."

[di-42]

September's Scrumptious Fictions

Another month where I wish I could have read more fictions! But definitely some gems in the ones I did read, among which a couple of stories that touched me at a very a deep level, and I'm so, so glad I read them!

As usual I will tag the writers whose Tumblr usernames i know, so they can know they bring joy to their readers. Hope you enjoy these lovely stories as much as i did! If you do, please, please, please, let the writers know!

WIPs:

Wavelengths & Frequencies by @shadesofecclescakes and imposterssyndrome @maaikeatthefullmoon (Rated E, chapters 9/?)

If you feel like you're going through one of those phases where you need to curl up on a sofa with a cup of hot chocolate and something good to read, something safe and reassuring, then this fantastic fiction is for you. It's a human AU enemies-to-lovers fiction where Aziraphale and Crowley can't stand each other, but work for the same media corporation as radio DJs and have to attend charity events together. The characterisation is spot on and the humour great. And what an incredible soundtrack! I honestly can't tell you how happy each notification of a new chapter of this story makes me!

You're The Bad Guys by Nebz_AlphaCentauri @alphacentaurinebula (Rated E, chapters 12/?)

Cold War human AUs in which Aziraphale is an MI6 agent ans Crowley a KGB agent. They get assigned to the same mission in Berlin in 1981. They're on opposite sides. Great characterisation and suspense! And great nods to canon!

Love Lost Is Sweeter When It's Finally Found... by Hopeless_old_romantic_67 (Rated E, chapters 13/?)

After the Second Coming has been averted God allows Crowley and Aziraphale to live as humans for as many loves as they want, but with no memory of who they really are. Welcome to a Quantum Leap-y fiction, inspired by the video Past Loves by Børns. Unlike me, most of you will probably get all the names refernces!

My own WIP And I Did (Rated E, chapters 9/14)

Post season two fiction featuring Supreme Archangel Aziraphale and Grand Duke of Hell Crowley. Satan tasks Crowley with leading Hell to the End of the World. God tasks Aziraphale with leading Heaven to the End of the World. They both have made their choice and they were never going to make a different one.

Complete works:

Wrong Turn by anticyclone, D20Owlbear (Rated Teen, 37,565 words)

Honestly, I don't know why this fiction touched me so much. I just couldn't stop thinking about it for days after I finished it. It's a post season 1 fiction where Crowley suddenly finds himself in a parallel universe at the time the apocalypse is just about to happen. The Crowley and Aziraphale in that universe have a different history to our Crowley and Aziraphale. All our Crowley wants to do is to go back to his universe and his very own angel, but how? As you follow the main plot and focus on Crowley's thoughts and actions, you'll start slowly feeling the other story get hold of you, and it won't let go until the very end and beyond.

Happiness, More Or Less by mllekurtz (TheKnittingJedi) (Rated M, 21,445 words)

If you read only one story out of this list, make it this one. This human AU moved me so very much I cried. Crowley moves into his new flat in Soho, only to discover the flat in haunted by the ghost of the owner of the bookshop downstairs. I won't tell anything else about the plot other than it does have a very sweet happy ending, and it gets there via a rollercoaster of emotions. This is really one of those fictions that leave me in awe of the fandom's talent and creativity. Read it, read it, read it!

Time Marches Forward by @bellisima-writes (Rated M, 129,182 words)

Post season two story with an incredible plot! This story has multiple POVs, including Adam's, who's one of the main characters, and rightly so! Aziraphale is in heaven as supreme archangel, while on earth Adam and Crowley form a very strong bond. We follow their journey in the two years between the end of season two and the second coming. Lots of angst with a very happy ending!

One Shots:

Accidental Sleepover by MetalMiez (Rated Teen, 11,525 words)

Set after season one, this fiction is a sweet account of how Crowley and Aziraphale get to confess their feelings to each other. There are references to season two, but in this what-if universe it never happened.

We Keep Love In A Photograph by @itsscottiesstark (Rated G, 2,066 words)

A very sweet and credible account of what might have happened next on that night in 1941, and what Aziraphale and Crowley's thoughts might have been.

One Perfect Day by PirateFanatic (Rated Teen, 4,821 words)

Canon universe story where Crowley and Aziraphale are safe. In fact, they are about to go to a wedding. As Aziraphale dresses up, Crowley moans that he doesn't want to go, but Aziraphale doesn't give him a choice. And, in the words of the writer, with good reason.

The Bentley And The Pumpkin by graywings @smua70 (Rated G, 1,559 words)

Such an incredibly sweet and fun story, told in the Bentley's POV! The poor car was feeling lonely there in the South Downs, away from the hustle and bustle of London. But not to worry, she'll have her happy ending!

[sunsdiary]

( @ ) WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE YOURSELF? ૮₍ ´ ꒳ `₎ა . . .

sephiroth & gn reader · this was initially inspired by the song "why" about sephiroth and his descent into madness · post-nibelheim · hallucinations · angst

sephiroth's love comes in waves, like a heart on a cardiograph. sometimes they are intense, while other times, faint, like the fleeting touches he would leave against your warm embrace at midnight.

but they still happen to be there, even when he doesn't want them to be, and even when you cannot sense them on the surface of his emotions. but that is the thing, as a resting heart will always be the subtle queen in a game of chess.

the moment she takes down an opponent to save her king, is when tides are high and her decisions become literal. that is, of course, without exception.

sephiroth has never considered himself lovable, but he has contemplated loving.

when something is unloved, neglected, abandoned, and outcasted, it becomes stale, emotionless, absent, like time plays truant and a bit mischievous. and you were the spectacle that managed to discipline destiny.

he was okay with this, but not sharing his burden, with you.

sephiroth wasn't sure if he was doing his best. he wasn't sure if it was going to last. he wasn't sure if he was hurting you. he wasn't sure why you made him weep tears of glad. he wasn't sure what...this feeling was.

but he was sure that you were more important than his revenge.

he didn't mean to drag you into this mess, but alas, if the one-winged angel can desist his death a little longer, so can he do the same for yours. that is if, you'll allow him the love he's craved at every corner of inconvenience.

it took sephiroth a while, to get used to, this. there are times where he finds himself smiling, not because of the delight in your sugary voice, but because of hysteria. was jenova playing a game on his mind this whole time too?

so when he does sieve over in the sheets, extending an arm to where you should be lying, he tells himself this:

"the reunion is lonely, and so is jenova at the edge of the universe."

you may be part of his imagination but jenova alone wasn't the reason his cells dwindled and his mind spiraled into madness.

were you really what he wanted most in life? did dreams really come true? or were they just horrifying nightmares conjured up by his broken subconsciousness?

maybe you were someone special in his past life; who told him this? he's sure not to trust any of his feelings again after nearly committing genocide for his supposed 'mother'.

would you forgive him if he did?

but then you appeared right before him again in his dreams.

"do you forgive them, sephiroth?"

"sephiroth, do you forgive yourself?"

"sephiroth, please help me. . .sephiroth- i need you, sephiroth."

"the strongest is a fictitious statement; you wish someone was stronger than you, don't you?"

"meet me at the edge of the universe where your heaviest fears dwell. i will be there, waiting for you, next to mother. come forth."

[nynyhaha]

Spider Themes: Phantom Troupe and fate (plus Chrollo character song analysis)

THIS is the moment that lead tons of fans to believe that Chrollo is a determinist,or at least a fatalist,believing that certain things cannot be avoided and that people lack the free will to act otherwise.

I haven’t seen any other proof of Chrollo being a determinist and I think it’s not that relevant to his character so this idea being so popular annoys me,and yet,there are lots of time where Chrollo is confronted with the idea of fate.

Why doesn’t he blame Judas?

There are multiple ideas

-his betrayal was bound to happen and he had no free will

-regardless of will,his actions were justified because it resulted in the greater goal being achieved(and Chrollo sees Jesus’ death as as important as his own death in a scenario where the Spiders have to chose.Chrollo would want them to sacrifice him for the Spider,and this scene hints at that)

-anyone willing to betray the organisation for money or fame was never a true member

-Chrollo doesn’t take anything personally and he doesn’t judge other people for their actions because he expects very little of them (we know this isn’t true for his Spiders,but it seems to be that way with Hisoka. He doesn’t blame Hisoka for being what he is)

This point is also illustrated in the flashback chapters where young Chrollo doesn’t get angry at his bullies even once. He’s not mad at Uvo,Phinks or Feitan,he outsmarts them or outruns them,but still sees them as part of his circle and never acts aggressively.

He doesn’t even appear to hate Kurapika or care much for his motives,since he accepted the fact that people will come after him for a multitude of reasons. He doesn’t care how good those reasons are.

The prophecy

Neon’s prophetic ability is meant to help people see the potential future,it’s not presented as being self fulfilling,in which case it would be a scam. The idea is that you can gain knowledge of your potential fate,and chose the course of action accordingly.

Chrollo trusts the ability since he uses it to make important decisions,like whether to stay in yorknew.

If he can use it to his advantage and cheat fate,how could he be a fatalist??

Our will above all else

The phantom troupe is incredibly strong as a group,yet they retain qualities of underdogs. They were born in the most marginalised community possible,in a place that doesn’t officially exist,and yet they’re now feared and infamous.

They won’t allow the world to take from them

They will impose their will on others.

Uvo’s requiem

I will never shut up about it.

It perfectly represents the nature of the Phantom Troupe and Chrollo’s philosophy.

We know Chrollo believes in souls,but does a man who sits in a broken Church and wears upside down crosses believe in any just god? There’s no way Chrollo isn’t a nihilist when it comes to ultimate justice. He expressed those doubts even as a child,and it seems that while he now thinks souls exist,he doesn’t rely on any afterlife.

He never relied on justice from above,he always took matters in his own hands. Believing in souls may mean that he sees death as a change of state,and sees murder as more forgivable since “everyone ends up in the same place anyways”but this is just speculation.

Only he can improve Uvo’s situation.

Uvogin’s soul soon will be gone,who knows where. Chrollo can’t change that,he doesn’t even know if Uvo hears him. But he will fulfil his wish. He will send other souls off in Uvo’s honour. He will show that his life and death mattered. It’s an attempt to reclaim agency,however futile it may be,it seems Chrollo wants to prove something to the universe.

People are the ones who sever ties

Doesn’t this run contrary to his ideas about traitors? It sounds here like he expects loyalty from those close to him. Or does he mean that he himself won’t forget things unless he cuts them off?

He can’t feel less responsible for the deaths of his friends and he can’t forget his place in the world,can’t detach himself from it.

Hi identity is still tied to external things. And it means all of the things he has lost,all of the humanity he has shed were deliberate sacrifices. Like he resigned himself to give up his life for his goals.

It’s very much a show of will.

The coin

It’s a practical way to resolve conflicts. While it’s thrown by a person,and the outcome can be random, therefore unbiased,it could also be them calling to fate to decide who gets his way.

“May happen what is meant to happen”

This leads to no conclusion,but it’s absolutely related to fate so I’ll mention it here.

1/13 analysis

I have no idea how canon this song is,but it’s a great interpretation of the information we have in canon. It touches on many themes crucial to Chrollo and his Troupe. I’m using the translation from the wiki,I don’t know Japanese and honestly I prefer the translation from the YouTube lyric video

This song mentions almost everything I’ve talked about in this post,and even more.

“..From the beginning”

They were doomed from the beginning. Even if they wanted something innocent and simple as dubbing anime,finding purpose in entertaining the masses.

First Chrollo rejects the notion of life,then he goes on to deny fate.

But he also approves them. “As if” The Troupe doesn’t act in accordance with reality and what it has in store for them,they act as if none of those things were real.

Life not existing means it’s meaningless and because of the horrible conditions Chrollo grew up in,he and the others were never given a chance of any life worth living. Life is real,but not for them. It’s something they deny themselves,something they abandon in favour of their duty and goal.

Fate might refer to both,inaction,staying anonymous nobodies,and doing something,surpassing themselves,and then dying a horrible death.

If there is a fate,can they know what it is?

Is Chrollo following his destiny,or acting in spite of it? If only he knew,haha. Maybe it’s not his choice to become a murder,maybe it was meant to be from the beginning. Or maybe he was meant to do nothing and be nothing,yet he refused.

”When we’ve obtained everything,we will disappear without a trace”

Went from actors to phantoms,got it? ;) This line brings in a sense of finality,of inevitability. So he knows they won’t live forever,that there is a limit. Sure,it could be referring to them being impossible to track,but I chose to believe there is more,since Chrollo touches on the possibility of them actually dying.

In that case,should they “separate and face eternity” the Spider’s Soul will live on. Or it must live on! Pretty spiritual, huh.

I love that while everything hints at his views being nihilistic,Chrollo’s spirituality is almost hopeful.

So is his song.It talks both to the enemy (you can’t run from us) and his fellow Spiders. He tells them to just steal,to consult the coin if needed,to trust that the Spider will live on and everything will be fine.

“What is there to fear?” I’m gonna cry,I swear.

This song also has this notion that whatever happens,happens.

“Que sera,sera” and shit. It shows acceptance of things that shouldn’t be accepted. Even his own feelings at the loss of his friends Chrollo acknowledges,and then ignores.

“Can’t be blamed.” He can’t blame himself for still feeling those things,but he just dismisses them. “You will want to sneeze at dust,it’s normal,but hold it in.” = “You will cry at deaths,feel grief and anger. Those reactions are normal,but don’t let it affect you”🗿🧍

What has pride to do with this? I’m genuinely confused. If this mf telling us to be humble? Is it prideful to expect no one to die? Or is this the typical “detach yourself from your feelings”?

Conclusion: Chrollo is seen as a fatalist because of his stoic attitude. The only way (according to HxH fans) to deal with what he goes through,is to tell himself it’s meant to be. I propose that no,he doesn’t think so. He thinks that regardless of fate,he can outsmart it and come out on top. Even if he loses people in the process,in the end it will be worth it. And even if he feels grief at their deaths,that’s just what happens. It didn’t stop him until now. All that just to steal? No,Ofc not. He just doesn’t know how to express his motives.

DO YOU EVEN HAVE CLEAR MOTIVES,CHROLLO? Your journey leads you to nowhere,and we don’t even know where it all went wrong