#this is the only day ive done and maybe will do. im not as inspired by the other prompts kjsdhfksdhfkhjdf

[neptunesailing]

femstars week day 4: high fashion / magical girls

[iftitah]

.

[triglycercule]

tfw when you get a rush of inspiration and the scattered pieces in your head connect >>>>

[moodr1ng]

eventually i have to assume im not a good writer or, perhaps, not a writer at all (like, just someone who happens to have written stuff, but not so much someone who does writing as a characteristic), cause i cant find any other way to explain how i cant find anything to write ABOUT. its been months and i cant write anything and its not bc i dont want to or cant bring myself to do it its because i have nothing to say i guess

edit: who tf are you people reblogging this and can you fuck off lol. like how many times are you gonna do this to my personal posts. once again i was venting about suicidal ideation in the tags of this and this is a post about putting myself down as an artist for having deep depressive episodes that keep me from creating. fuck off!!!!!!!

[arolesbianism]

Thinking abt my nuggets again. Explodes them.

[sechsviciado]

when doves cry

reaperken/touka ; written circa nov/dec 2022

no warnings or ratings really?

-

so after my slight reaperken/touka rambling yesterday i figured that i really have nothing to lose from posting this small snippet of a fic (oneshot??) thats been sitting in my google drafts for nearly the past two years; if this is crappy i can always just delete it but ive wanted to contribute a bit more to keep tokyo ghoul tumblr alive so i figure why not?

i felt so smart when i came up with the title since ken was a dove during that entire reaper arc until the events of cochlea. i didnt really pay attention to prince's lyrics in the song but looking back at it now i guess some apply? not really any inspiration was gained from it though, i just grew up with music from the 60s-90s so the title kind of came to my mind and it happened to be a prince reference. not really any ratings or warnings yet?? its nowhere near finished and im not sure if ill even finish it because i feel my writing heavily lacks.

anyway, without further ado

how many months had it been?

it had been months — years — since he recalled feeling this exact way. of course, haise had felt this way too, but it would never compare to the feelings he had for her before that brief period of time where he had lost recognition of everything and everyone who once meant something to him. ironically, it's when he felt most at peace with the butterflies in his stomach, beating against his rib cage and the cage surrounding the longing which could never be released. he’s regained his memories now, but he knew something was different within him even when he laid his glassy eyes on her again on that first visit to :re as sasaki haise. why did he feel so entrapped and yet so wrongly distant even when he had no recollection of her prior on that first visit to the cafe?

it would never be the same.

it would never compare to the feeling of falling in love with her and the realization that came with it. the realization that left him in a state of both a mix of surprise and agitation for days and with a feeling that could only be described as his heart skipping a beat and yet crumbling at the same time. it would never happen, would it? he had chosen to face that reality when he was still his old self, naive and too ashamed of his actions to actually face her after all the pain he caused her as a result of the pain which engulfed his entire life, too. too ashamed to accept his new reality, hiding behind his eyepatch — too ashamed to admit he had fallen in love so easily. he wasn't any different now.

haise may have fallen in love with her through the lens of a reborn figure with a fresh start and no boundaries to stand behind (apart from his obvious shyness and the weird sense of familiarity), but it just occurred by fate. the same fate that had snatched him from her years prior had found a way to bring him back into her arms and make him belong to her once again. he can't help but believe that maybe there was some future destined between them; the embittered part of his heart and soul makes him realize even that destiny would probably be cursed or filled with further strife.

though he supposed that didn't matter now.

not when he was even more distant from her than when he was an amnesiac with no recollection of her apart from the same old feeling of confusing comfort and longing. it's humorous and yet painful to think about how low he'd fallen in this aspect, not even being able to face her once again. despite his older age, he was still just a boy when it came to this same ancient rush, wasn't he? it doesn't matter. she surely didn't want anything to do with him anyways, especially not after everything that he's done. he's betrayed her and everyone who was once a part of him once again, and he’s chosen to accept that painful reality ever since he vowed to stop dreaming and flung tsukiyama off that building. facades all break down eventually.

though he supposed that didn't matter now, either.

he’d be disposed of soon enough before any of this could matter at all — before hinami was to be the one to disappear from the purgatory that was life as a ghoul. there was no heaven and there was no hell; there was no afterlife. heaven was bliss and safety on earth while hell was anguish and pain.

it was selfish of him to hope touka would feel any sort of pain after all of the grief and rage he's put her through time and time again, but he hoped he'd at least be remembered by the person he felt he loved most in this lifetime — the one who hadn't thrown him aside but who had instead built a nest for him as if though her life depended on it. he can't help but wonder… he’s had everyone he's ever known and cared for snatched from his hands by the same twisted fate that led him to await his upcoming death, he doesn't know if the puddle of both coldness and warmth in his stomach is either fear or love.

he'd truly cherish any memory he had of her before he’d be killed.

he vaguely remembers telling her, years ago, that he'd be sad if she died; he just hopes she would be saddened at his death, too.

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

Quitting Weed Day 9 Status Report 📝

to start off , i'll say, i do indeed feel like Ass ! this post might get a tad emo. regretting my life choices to smoke for as long as i have 😕 But then again, maybe that's harsh, cus i was just doing the best i could with the circumstances i been dealt in the past.

i couldnt just quit cold turkey cus every time i try that its way too intense and i alwaus end up going back. So the past 9 days i've been hitting my (extremely weak) weed cart a couple times a night, only after 9pm, just to help me sleep. Before that i was smoking probly like. 5-8 bowls a day, followed by hitting the weed pen RELENTLESSLY all night until i passed out. So its still been a huge change lol. From tonight onwards tho i'm done w the weed pen and ready to try 0 thc 🙏

kind friend @palmceader sent me a CBD tincture made for sleep (thanku again 🥹) which im sure has a TINY percentage of thc, but nothing even close to how much im used to.

i cant even imagine how fried my dopamine receptors are, cus honestly, i feel Fucked. spaced out is an understatement. i cant focus on anything and its kinda driving me insane. it feels impossible to read or draw or do any of my hobbies.. my body feels heavy and depressed. No motivation. its kinda the opposite of what i was expecting. i can barely keep my eyes open during the day..

on a brighter note i havent been struggling too much with sleep or appetite. i think sleepy time tea + the tincture + magnesium is rly helping. my dreams recall is already improving so much, and the times i have nightmares arent as bad as its been previous times i tried to quit. i havent rly struggled with cravings at all either, which used to be a huge obstacle for me ! im just so over it now. i was starting to get chest pains and coughing a lot, which was taking any joy out of the act of smoking for me.

morbid to say but I often think of my father and how his rampant addictions directly lead him to such a painful and horrific early death. its a rare perspective of imagery so disturbing , i know i can't go on in such a manner. Like, what a fucking fool i would be! For others i can understand it but for me, no. it has haunted me for a long time to know i'm letting myself go down that path, even with all my insistent self-justification that his death is what brought me to this in the first place. deep down ive been knowing i need to break the cycle like i have the choice and the power, im still alive im still here ..

Sorry if thats depressing to bring up! i do feel depressed tho. i cant use weed to hide from my pain anymore.. i have to rewire my whole ass method of coping with stress at age 30. i know i can do it but its gonnnna be a long winded process full of ups n downs. Running away is no longer an option and thats a lot to face! a lot of old wounds i never rly dealt with, cus i kept my head in the 💨clouds💨 for so long.

i promise not to give up this time tho no matter how hard it gets 🙏 i want to set a good example too like indunno a lot of younger ppl follow me now i dont wanna feed into narratives that may influence them in bad directions. i have a responsible heart. i rly dont think weed is cool i havent since i was like 16. i was just dependent on it so i tried to romanticisze its role in my life. its silly.

im kinda laughing now cus im like god, i initially felt like the reason im quitting is so i can be more active in my dream world, but the more i think about it the more i notice MANY many more reasons to quit that go way deeper.

All in all the reason im talking about it is to maybe inspire other ppl who have been on the verge of quitting but too afraid to rly take the plunge-- Ur not alone, ur not weak for being addicted, if u need to reach out to me u are more than welcome.

Ppl rly downplay weed addiction cus the withdrawals arent life threatening like other substances, but that doesnt mean its a walk in the park. Most ppl i know who are stoners have never been able to quit for similar reasons as me. It takes a major psychological hold over u. if u ever need to vent about it or need advice, im here!

if u read all of this, pls dont worry abt me xD Even if it feels miserable rn i have faith things will improve, the heaviness and brainfog will lift, the emotions will be purged, i am excited for my future. One day at a time....Dont giving up 🙏

Signed, PMD9

[luvism333]

the maze runner maze diversity ideas directly inspired by this @petrichor-idyllic post!!

ive literally been thinking about it nonstop since omg okay BASICALLY its confirmed in the scorch trials movie that there are a bunch of other mazes aside from the glade and group b. since these other mazes are never touched on there are one million and one ways people could go with them in fanfiction in terms of layout, weather conditions, etc. so i wanted to share some!

petri had tons of great ideas (go follow them right NEOW) and im just here to expand on them. 4 the sake of simplicity im gonna call the “gladers” subjects/mazers since we dont really know what theyd call themselves, and im gonna call the “glade” the centre. i am gonna keep calling new kids greenies bc i think its a funny little name + DISCLAIMER i have not read the books and i also do not have the time or energy to rewatch the movies so if any information is off my bad fr

NOT PROOFREAD

MONSTER IDEAS

a maze with birdbox style monsters so they have to navigate the maze blindfolded

a maze where the monsters are deathly afraid of some sort of metal that wicked wont send them enough of to make clothes or armor (at least not enough to keep every mazer safe) so all the people are heavily pierced. greenies come up piercingless and have to sit in the piercing hut (where they keep the metal) for however long it takes them to let the maze piercers do their job because absolutely no shot are they letting any dumbass teenager go anywhere with their rare life saving metal without it being fused to their bodies. the maze record for time a greenie has spent in the piercing hut is 3 full days and the less time you spend in there when you first arrive the more street cred you get

^ the piercer would probably be the maze leader, im picturing someone who at the beginning was the only person that could talk greenies into getting the piercing over n done with and as more came up the maze just filled with people that would only listen to the one person they trusted enough to pierce them straight out of the box.

a maze with underground monsters. you drop something heavy enough and something shoots out of the ground, jaws wide open. they have treestyle type houses, floating bridges connecting buildings. they dont have runner equivalents bc theyre working on building bridges through the maze and its like a no brainer that they cant go anywhere without a bridge. instead of “someone should try surviving the maze at night” its “we should climb the walls” and everyone thinks hes just as nuts

^theyd have a box but wouldnt it be fucking funny if their greenies just fell out of the sky?? they have a little platform right underneath where the greenies and supplies land (they call it ground zero) picturing wicked somehow forgetting to cushion the platform at first and patient zero falls out of the sky and dies on impact

a maze where the monsters arent giant teen eating beasts but deadly insects. one bite of that one and youll vomit up your internal organs, breathe in gas from that one and your entire body will be paralyzed. accidentally step on that one and your foot will swell to the size of a bowling ball and fucking explode. experiment with how your mazers cope with this - maybe everyone wears layers and layers of bee keeping style clothes outside and all the buildings are netted. do they have disinfecting rooms? do they have some sort of poison that takes the insects out? how to they distribute this poison since they cant just pierce it on like the metal maze?

a maze with the hunger games mutt type monster-mutations made out of fallen mazers

a maze where the monsters arent monsters or a threat at all but contain clues or keys thatll help the mazers get out and are notoriously impossible to catch

MAZE IDEAS

on the wiki page for group b it says their maze went vertical at one point - a maze that is completely vertical, their centre (creatively named The Hole) being like a tube just walled in by heaven high maze structures. you look up and at some point the walls give way to an abyss. most of the mazers have given up hope of getting out because it looks endless - or does it? nobody really entertains the idea that the top of The Wall is closer than they think, that the creators have put in a fake ceiling to fuck with them, but the people theyve sent up dont come back down and when the hole is quiet enough they can hear something alive up there and nobody can say for sure that their little village is any worse than what theyll find if they try to leave

hunger games quarter quell type maze where different sections of it have different monsters or obstacles. the sections with the easiest to bypass obstacles have the most complicated puzzle, the sections that are the easiest to navigate have obstacles 10x as deadly

PEOPLE IDEAS

a maze where 2 people come up in the box at a time (inspired by this thomas fic). theyd have names like box-mate or smth for whoever you come up in the box with (i.e thats jeff, he’s clints box-mate) and everyone is really close with their box-mate, platonically or otherwise. i feel like theres alot of cute potential for this idea, like an alby-equivalent talking to aggressive mazers like why dont you go find your box-mate and chill out. go cuddle or something. greenies often feeling weird about their connection w their box-mate (bc who wouldnt??) and long time mazers teasing them about it “oooooh somebodys making eyes at their booox-maaate muah muah muah”

unisex maze (although all these ideas can be unisex) where the number of boys and girls is slightly or very uneven at any given time. people have bets going around that time of the month every month about whether theyre getting a boy or a girl w things like chores and food being traded like currency. the bonfires on greenie day are just celebrations for the winning party

got this idea from petri but someone alone in a maze!!! just completely isolated for however long, not being expected to survive but making it out somehow. have you guys ever read an article or paper on the long term psychological effects of solitary confinement in prisons? of course itd be different but isolation is literally used as a torture method in some places. humans are not supposed to be so alone!! a lone mazer that sleeps by the thinnest part of the walls at night so they can hear the monsters, have some sort of connection to another living thing. a lone mazer that only survives their maze because they know their monsters like the back of their hand after spending endless nights well hidden in the maze just OBSERVING the creatures because it becomes a comfort to them, seeing something outside of themself move by its own free will. a lone mazer that never stops talking once theyre out of the maze because long silence makes them feel like theyre all alone again, a lone mazer that doesnt talk at all once theyre out of the maze because they cant stand the sound of their own voice anymore.

^ petri had the idea of an animal companion and i think that is a wonderful idea!! they have this fic where the reader had a dog and theyre really cute together. go full on disney princess & give your character a bird or a chameleon or a tiger if youre a jasmine guy. a dog or any predatory animal can conceivably help your character escape the maze - give your character a sloth or a koala or just a really lazy cat. give me a lone mazer whos animal companion is dead weight but they dont have the heart to leave them, who keeps their fat cat strapped to their chest like a baby as they fight for their life. 

person alone in a maze with a baby. ik this sounds so random but wicked wanting to see the effects of growing up in the maze so they send in a carer, someone that looks after the mazers before theyre sent in. the carer raises the kid angry at whoever has trapped their now adopted child in this torture chamber come to find out they used to be one of them

maze where the subjects are supposed to get injured in some way to force them to rely on one another. a subject being deafened by a banshee type monster, a subject getting a limb amputated by medjack equivalents after getting suddenly and suspisciously sick. they dont spend so much time mapping the maze as figuring out how to get all of them through to the very end because they quite literally cannot make it without every single mazer

a maze where the subjects keep their memories but theyve all been altered. some remember wicked as saviours providing shelter for them as orphaned children, others remember being restrained, poked and prodded, a vague feeling of grief and betrayal that they cant explain. others dont remember wicked at all and insist that the maze is a paradise compared to desert wastelands filled with zombie people and viral disease.

your mazers can react to this in any way shape or form. maybe factions/cliques of people with similar memories form. nobody wants a leader from a different group in charge of the entire maze so they dont have one, there not being any rules that apply to every group in the maze because nobody will listen to eachother. everyone thinks the ones that dont remember wicked are crazy and the anti-wicked group have the most reason to become violent, have been the most violent in the past so everyone thinks theyre psychos. it takes them longer than other groups to get out despite having memory because they all take over different parts of the maze and refuse to share information.

mazers that have access to technology. they can make things like recordings and audios but no way of connecting to the outside world and no information aside from what they put in themselves. they learn to program things and make robots/drones to navigate the maze for them, make intro videos for greenies so they dont have to deal with them. instead of track hoes and medjacks they have groups of people that work on different kinds of technology because theyve learnt to automate most of the stuff the gladers do by hand. some work on exploring the maze, some make weapons, some study the monster corpses theyve managed to get, etc etc.

CULTURE/TRADITION IDEAS

the different ways people commemorate dead mazers!! in the glade they cross out their names on the maze walls and in group Bs maze they like sculpt their faces into the ice. give me a maze that tattoos the names of their fallen, whos oldest mazers have the most ink so it kind of goes without saying that the more tattoos you have the more authority you have. greenies being able to tell clearly whos been around longer based on which names they have tattooed. give me a maze that mounts the weapons of the dead on a wall, a maze with a regular graveyard that the mazers visit on slow days

greenie events!!! give me greenie celebrations like the bonfire we see in the glade, parties or games, feasts to welcome newcomers. give me a maze where the arrival of a greenie is grim, one more mouth to feed, one more lost soul trapped. a maze where everything dims down around that time of the month because another person means another month theyve failed to get out. give me mazes that test their greenies to see if theyre of any use to the group because those that arent are dead weight. a maze that holds Greenie Trials, where you have to complete an obstacle course or survive a night in the maze or complete some obscure challenge and if you cant youre tossed to the monsters.

^bonus points for a gally-equivalent getting to say ominous shit like The Last One Didn’t Make It

TATTOO SUBGENRE

because i dont know what else to do with these

maze where wicked programmed the monsters to respond to some basic specific kind of symbol and the people have it tattooed in very visible places, painted on every hut and wall

maze where the monsters are deathly allergic to some sort of liquid so the subjects tattoo themselves with it

maze where you have to be incredibly light on your feet when navigating the maze so people tattoo maps on themselves.

GROUP B

i know im supposed to be talking about maze ideas not mentioned in canon but group b has so much potential their wiki says that group b doesnt have runners, they literally all just go out into the maze in a giant group, AND that their monsters are out day and night PLUS their maze is a frozen wasteland. i imagine any girls that arent strong enough to withstand everything are like pretty quickly weeded out and only the hardasses that adapted quickly enough were left omg the cultural norms that would form?? theyre all absolutely jacked and if a greenie dies nobody bats an eye cause tough shit. no introduction no transition period you come into the maze with us and dodge airborne monsters or you stay here and freeze to death. the creators do send them medical supplies but over time they start to notice the way the group interacts w eachother so they start sending less to see if they can push it even farther, make the girls have to ration their medical supplies. it works tenfold oh you broke your arm and you want a sling, aris?? rachel got her arm CHEWED OFF by a FLYING MUTANT PTERADACTDOL and didnt ask me for so much as a BANDAID

this is like evidenced on the wiki too multiple girls suggesting they just leave aris to freeze to death or get eaten by monsters in the maze because theyre SUSPISCIOUS of him?? like absolutely unprovoked too thomas had a stung glader accusing him of being at fault for the maze an unconscious girl who came at the wrong time who is apparently going to be the last greenie they ever recieve feverishly gasping his name just so much ammo for the gladers to toss him out and it takes the death of like half the glade and an insane gally to get him where aris was upon arrival. they literally punch aris square in the face immediately after they decide not to kill him bc “its the fastest way to remember your name” like how did you guys realise that??? "fastest way” so you admit there are other ways??? why are you giving all your greenies concussions

GEN

because i dont know where to put these

explore the concept of failed mazes. a desert maze where the subjects couldnt survive on the monthly supplies because they couldnt farm any food on their own because, well, desert. a maze where wicked did something like the memory altering maze, purposefully dividing them but they went too far and the mazers killed eachother off hunger games style

test mazes! have you ever wondered why the mazes operate the way they do? why do they send people up once a month? why are the mazers of all different ages? why not make the centre already stocked with food and buildings so the subjects can spend more time cracking the maze instead of learning how to grow crops?

a maze where they sent all the people up at once and without guidance from more experienced subjects they pretty quickly killed themselves off. a maze where the subjects were too young and werent organising themselves or mapping the maze fast enough, a maze where the subjects were too old and lost hope faster and easier. a maze where the mazers had everything they needed upon arrival and nobody wanted to leave.

AND MANY MORE!!!

IN conclusion make ur own mazes people!!!!! get creative w it there are so many different directions you can take it in!! pls feel free to use any ideas thats what theyre here for i dont need credit but PLEASE tag me id love to see anything that comes from this nonsense!!! nd lmk if anybody wants a pt2 because i had a million half baked ideas that didnt make the cut i am filled to the brim with Thoughts

[runningthroughthegarden]

Hi how are you ❤️? You write amazingly well <3

I was wondering, if you take requests, if you could write a Jack/Ethan fic inspired by "You're Losing Me" by Taylor Swift. (You can decide the ending, line sad or not)

Thanks you 💕

thank you!! yall love being heartbroken, me too!! requests are open, i love doing them :)

-

you and jack had been dating for a year when he got offered a role in scream vi. you were more than excited for him, even though it meant you would be spending a lot of time apart. you both decided you would do everything in your power to make it work, but lately that was proving to be easier said than done. the last couple of days you could barely get in touch with him. whenever he did reply it was small or dry remarks. you felt lonely in the apartment you once shared. sitting, staring at the walls that were once filled with laughter and love. feeling your phone buzz you are quick to check the notification. 

“hey babe sorry ive had a long day on set” 

“jack we havent talked in days. i don't understand” 

“i know you don't. listen i’ll call you tomorrow” 

crashing on your bed, tears begin to dwell in your eyes.

you say, "I don't understand" and I say, "I know you don't"

we thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won't

remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light

now, I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time

pacing your room with your phone up to your ear you begin to grow anxious. jack broke his empty promise and didn’t call you. so now here you were, trying to piece it back together. as the ringing stops, a smile is cast across your face. 

“jack!! hey, i miss you”

“hey what did you want”

“well you said you were gonna call and i just wanted to check up on you” 

“im a little busy right now” 

“oh okay maybe we can call again later” 

a deep sigh is his only response. 

“is everything okay?” 

“no everythings not okay! i cant get anything done when youre bothering me all day. im working and all you want to do is talk about your day. im sorry but i really don't care right now”

“oh okay. i’ll let you go” 

throwing your phone onto your bed, you break down in sobs. 

do I throw out everything we built or keep it?

i'm getting tired even for a phoenix

always risin' from the ashes

mendin' all her gashes

you might just have dealt the final blow

you spent the evening on your bed, shaking with tears streaming down your eyes. you could only thing about how good things used to be. when you had a boyfriend who absolutely adored you. now it seemed like you had no one at all. your heart was racing a million hours per hour and yet you felt absolutely nothing. 

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore... for you

'cause you're losing me

after that night, that call, you made it a point to stay out of jacks way. he would facetime you every now and then. while he got his hair done, goofing around on set, or just in his trailer. none of these times did he seem to notice that none of your smiles reached your eyes. your replies were empty and solemn. you were happy to see him so excited but apart of you hated him for not realizing what he had done. for not realizing how deep his words had truly affected you. 

“hey you okay” 

biting your nails behind the screen 

“lately not really” you honestly replied. 

“hang on mason's gotta tell me something. i’ll call you later. love you."

every mornin' I glared at you with storms in my eyes

how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?

i sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick

my face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick

your surprised to hear a knock at your door. you open it to reveal your curly headed boyfriend. he had stopped responding to you completely a few days ago, so saying you were shocked to see him was an understatement. tired of being the only one trying to keep the relationship afloat, you let out your frustration. 

“what are you doing here jack” 

“hey i just wanted to check up on you, i have a few days off” 

he brings you into a hug, but you stay stiff below him. 

“whats wrong?” he asks, picking up on your mood. 

“you ignore me for days and expect me to be excited to see you?” 

“ive been busy you know that” 

“jack we barely talk anymore. and when we do you blow me off in the first 5 minutes. hell you even told me to stop talking to you.” you explain, tears filling your eyes. 

“look im sorry, the movies just been taking up all my time."

“and the movies more important than me right?” you say barely above a whisper.

“no but this is my job, my life” 

“then maybe you should only worry about yourself” finally looking into his eyes.

“what are you trying to say” 

“im saying we’re done jack. i cant keep putting myself through hell only for you not to give a shit” 

“no c'mon we can make this work.”

“yeah thats what you said last time. please jack im going to ruin myself if this keeps happening.” 

you both are a crying mess at this point. 

not saying another word, jack leaves. 

and the air is thick with loss and indecision

i know my pain is such an imposition

now, you're running down the hallway

and you know what they all say

"you don't know what you got until it's gone"

the next morning you find a letter left at your front door. 

my love, 

i'm sorry. for absolutely everything. i love you endlessly. when the stars realign, i’ll be there. but for now, be with someone who can give you everything i couldn't. 

-jack

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse

my heart won't start anymore... for you

'cause you're losing me

stop 'cause you're losing me

crumpling up the paper you begin to cry. 

i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy

and all I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier

fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me

giving up so much of yourself, you were absolutely exhausted. the beautiful relationship you once had is now behind you. 

you're losing me

stop, you're losing me

i can't find a pulse, my heart won't start anymore

giving up the fight, you were at rest. 

[wiihtigo]

i sent an ask sayinh "NELL DIED????" but then tumblr gavev me a scary error message so maybe it ate it... sorry if it didnt but NELL DIED?

SOB...YES.....I DIDNT WANT IT TO HAPPEN..!!! i encourage you to go knock down the door of @megamind2010 for more in depth answers about nell lore if youre a ladybughead.

but the basic deal is that this happens...later...sometime later. in their lives. ladybug following the proud blue beetle line of being exploded in action (i drew smthn inspired by the despair i feel when i think about this ^_^)

this affects casey really badly. ARE YOU SURPRISED..? DID YOU THINK SHE WAS HEARTLESS? so did I. mm basically she goes like catatonic immediately after (even through the funeral which michelle has to guide her to like she could float away at any second)

michelle is a supportive presence for her during this because shes like jeez idk she might kill herself im worried. and shes ALSO fucked up about nell dying bcuz she was involved in the same event ladybug was killed in (goldstars very first crisis event we;re so proud of her) and you know. shes never experienced the classic superhero experience of one of your hero peers dying horribly tragically. so her looking after casey is probably also her way of coping, like a way of keeping her hands busy because shes realizing hero work is actually kind of scary

shes only broken out of her 0__0 state by ..um. BOOSTER GOLD COMING OVER BECAUSE HE WAS LIKE MAN..SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING? (hes genuinely a little worried) (BUT NO DONT)

ive posted these before without context but this was the context LOL

seeing booster breaks the dam in her heart and all her feelings coming flooding out in form of crazy migraine inducing rage (im getting deja vu) and she throws shit at him screaming at him to GTFO and hes like crawling away with a broken nose OK good talk and ted and michelle are like WHY TF DID YOU DO THAT?and after that casey goes into the worst state of depression shes ever experienced in her life...ive mentioned in an ask before i think that she doesnt really get sad? when bad things happen to her she just gets angry. she never cries genuine tears. so the state she gets into here is really scarily jarring because its so fucking WEEEIRDLY OUT OF CHARACTER. she spends all day crying and whenever michelle comes over now she feels sick looking at her and she cries and cries and cries and whines that she doesnt want to see her she wants nell and she stays holed up in their apartment until shes kicked out because no ones paying rent and shes moves cities without saying a word to anyone. she only realized after she died that she actually did love (EW. sorry) nell and now she doesnt even have any way of knowing if they couldve done anythng with that. she hates booster more than ever she hates ted she cant talk to michelle anymore she hates gotham she hates her life she hates everything, eventually she does get a job in the film industry as like a screenwriter/editor but she hates that its not exactly what she wanted that shes just barely almost there and she should be excited to be so close to her goals but shes not so shes just this grouchy miserable (but good at her job!) woman that no one wants to talk to and then she dies. the end.

(but look-- here they are reunited in hell..!)

wehwwww SORRY FOR JUST COVERING CASEYS SIDE OF THINGS AND NOT NELLS....i figure youd get more juicy details if you ask marty :)

[spagheddiesquash]

hi hello!! im not the greatest with theories, BUUUUT……

figured id throw my hat into the ring!!! basically for the past two days ive been mapping out a little… i honestly dont even know the term for it. ive called it a “theory web kind of thing, of sorts” for monkey wrench!! (however i feel as though that may not be the correct term to use, i dunno, it just doesnt sound right)

it is very big and convoluted, and also difficult to read in the screenshot of the full thing because of how massive it is, so i figured id walk you guys through it maybe?? FAIR WARNINGS: THIS POST WILL PROBABLY CONTAIN MONKEY WRENCH SPOILERS AND IT WILL MOST DEFINITELY BE RIDICULOUSLY LONG. THIS IS THE ONLY WARNING. CAPISCE? ALRIGHTY LETS GET INTO IT.

WAIT ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING:

some of this kinda piggybacks off of theories and stuff that ive seen from other users of this site, most notably @toastraccoon and @awwkie-dot-jar (sorry for the @’s, wanted to give credit and figured that would be the best way to do so since the @’s redirect to the respective blogs). both of them were actually what inspired me to put this together in the first place!!! go check their blogs out theyre amazing btw

the rest of the post is below the cut!!

anyway, without further ado:

for simplicity i have dubbed it “monkey spaghetti” because if you look at it from a glance it looks like a nice, hot bowl of unconventionally-colored pasta noodles, i think.

first and foremost, in order to understand my bullshit i made a helpful handy-dandy little key, pictured below.

i had to move the key so that’s why the square is out of place. i simply directed to its proper location on the key with an arrow :^)

anyway, i’ll start with walking you guys through the bigger blob first, that being this one:

so first of all:

(i dont think you can really see if very well so i will say it here, the screenshotted post of the giant statue of the primaries in the second image is from awwkie-dot-jar)

*yeah, in hindsight i feel like i exaggerated a fair amount, but the point still stands regardless. i tacked on the “like, at ALL” just because i didn’t wanna completely state the obvious. i should go back and edit it i think.

and:

as well as:

AND:

NOTE: my screenshots loop back to things i have previously shown for continuity reasons!!! so you dont get confused trying to read the whole web all chopped up like this :^D

additionally:

!!!THIS IS NOT ALL OF IT, TUMBLR IMAGE LIMIT IS 30 PER POST SO I WILL HAVE TO REBLOG WITH THE REST!!!

before i do that, i will reiterate:

i do NOT know what im doing

im not sure whether i have everything correct

because i have never done this before

i mean i hope i have everything right but like

yeah

take everything with a grain of salt

considering i have kind of poor memory sometimes

and also how many spitball ideas i put into this shit

TO BE CONTINUED FOR NOW

[bulletproofscales]

Hey there, hope you’re well! Love your work, it’s amazing. Hope you don’t mind me asking, but was really interested in how you started writing BTS wg fics and which member of youe favourite to write about? always love your work and excited for whatever comes next :)

omg hiii!! ⸜( *ˊᵕˋ* )⸝ first of all, thank you soso much for the support?!!?!? it always makes me happy to see likes/reblogs/ao3 comments from blogs i recognize (ಥ﹏ಥ) and this ask,,, youre making my day.

i got inot a ramble so ill put one of these hehe sorry (ง ื▿ ื)ว

i dont mind the question at all!! even if i was a deep lurker in feedism communities of most of my fandoms. looking "chubby draco malfoy " into google images since 2012 (￣▽￣*)ゞ and later religiously following wg-writers of whatever fandom i migrated through. i would always send so many asks, and when i got into BTS i was older, and properly aware of what feedism was, and actively looking for it on tumblr. back then it was a handful of people with now deactivated blogs and @bangtanstummies (who as im writing this blog see has a deactivated blog as well :,) , i swear going through my dms is like going through a cementary) . i try to stay in touch with as many of the people now as i can!! but everyone will know im the suckiest at texts (@cookiesuga55 will know ) but id love to chat more and be more present

anyway back to the community in 2018, i really loved their stuff, and i felt like there was still room to add new ideas (which was hard in a fandom with as much fanficiton as BTS's) , thats what inspired to make my blog!! back then it was claled bangtangchub, and i didnt know how to activate my asks, bangtanstummies was the one to let me know and we even got into a discord all of us together!!! crazy times ( ◡‿◡ *) i remember being the oldest of the group👴 i was 15 at the time, some coudl argue it wasn't my place to be writing fetish fanfiction, maybe theyre right. but i found such a happy place in my fics. not only have i met some of my closest friends through here; (people ive met in real life!?!? ) but its helped me so much to find a safe place to explore my emotions, sexuality, and craft a hobby that was all my own. i dont think im that good of a writer, but i am really so proud of having stuck to something for so long, and having worked on it all by myself.

often times i feel like i lack the motivation to do anything with my life, and just all-around consider myself someone who lacks the strength and backbone to really do hard things. and i like to think of this blog, and my journey in it, as a place that proof i can... idk,, be good at things i worked hard on.

ANYWAY!! that was a long rant. As for the character i like writing the most about!! welli role play as jungkook almost daily! so i do feel a lot of myself in him. but i love writing all characters, over the years i really made an effort to not fall into a comfortable ship, because i really do think you could spin a wheel and whatever combination of bts members ahs their own unique loving dynamic.

as for things to come!! im working on a fic inspired by some art i saw recently by @gigichingado , jikook, im really liking how its turning out, and ofc because its me, its stretching out more and more in the build up ( _ _ ") . but i want it done over this week!! ps, i saw your obese tae requests, and i can definetly get something out after that (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

thank you for asking and giving me a place to rant!!

[n0bluev]

Somehow, im inspired to write that 'revision fic'. === (EDIT : u can skip but heres another snippet for u (3 separate bits that fit together nicely, actually haha) cuz hihi. THE AU: As i said, its a failed "3"rd regression context, where yjh is now in his "4"th round. The last memory he has of kdj is him dying, and to make things worse "In this round, that guy doesn't exist." is a thing, so yjh freaks out a bit but hes totally normal about this whole ordeal & the fact that he doesnt even remembers kdj's face now. Wdym! Hes fiiiiiine!

sorry lol back to the actual post : (,hope u enjoyed that little treat tho^^)) ===

!!THAT [Somehow, im inspired to write [...]] HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE!!. I always like. do an outline for the overall story and vibe, then flesh out the start or something and cook up a little 500 (probably unsatisfying) words for fun kind of as a bonus. Keep it mostly for my private enjoyment and move on before the story comes to life. And that's okay... Yes, it would be cooler to actually write the AU ideas i get in novel or comic form instead of having them stay at just the 'sketch' & 'idea/brainstorm' phase before i get another idea and leave them to dust up in the pile,,

But yeah, its okay.

In the few years since ive started getting ideas for more elaborate aus/fics, ive noticed that my ideas improved with time. (no shit, i know, but it makes me happy! i grew up!!! i can see it.) My planning methods are better too. So all of that unfinished or abandoned stuff is not at all useless work in my eyes. And who knows, maybe one day i'll bring them back.

--> as a plus, all my fandom brainrot experiences even get transferred into my OC stuff, and frl whenever i read my notes these days (or listen to my voice memos lol) and im just like "HOW DID I THINK OF THIS WOW" or "WHEN DID I PUT THIS LIKE THIS? IT WORKS!" (not to brag or anything but my oc lore goes hard ☝️)

BUT. NOW THIS IS UNEXPECTED.

I DID NO PLANNING. I just started writing for orv and its. Lowkey, good ???? Dont get me wrong i only have 1.5k right now and there are clear holes i have to fill and stuff but... CLEAR HOLES! CLEAR HOLES. Sure Im used to being like "something of the sort should go there..." BUT THIS TIME ITS "THIS SHOULD GO THERE, ILL WRITE IT LATER BUT THE IMAGE IS IN MY MIND, CLEAR AS WATER, AND ONCE I START PUTTING IT ON THE PAGE ISTG THOSE WORDS WILL STREAM OUT OF MY FINGERS AS IF IT WAS A NORMAL OCCURENCE FOR ME" ,,- !??? Yo!

Anyways. Point is that somehow theres interesting stuff going on in my gg doc and the more i write the more i know where i want to go, so that's cool, i feel all powerfull for once

idk if that ease is going to stay once im done with the first scenes (ughh!!! theres so much potential!!!!!!!!) but hopefully yes. either way ill probably post it so im not baiting yall with a "um actually im writing smt rn --- *never shares with the class*" --- either 1) things go well and i write a "real fic" (!? wtf that wasnt my plan!) --- or 2) i only post the finished version of what i have now (expect around 5k? (i have no idea actually)) and we wait together to see if i pick up the idea again haha. (i do wish to write it tho! im not a 'writer' writer but i want to be one, u get me?)

! thank u see u byebye

[blkkizzat]

It’s like they knew I was complaining…

I GOT BLOCKED. AGAIN. 🤯

And this time it was from someone I was following for a while and I know this because 1. I didn’t follow anyone recently and 2. I only follow like 70 people so I’ll notice when someone blocked me.

I honestly have no idea what it is for. I really dont repost a lot and if I do it isn’t minor characters or age ups.

Maybe because I haven’t posted since like September?? When I did post last it didn’t really get a lot of attention so it was super demotivating posting again, I mean I have soooo much lil unfinished things in my draft but AUGHHHHHHHH I just wanna fall into the void and crawl up into a little ball sometimes 😭

Anyways sorry for ranting so much..oh and I want your opinion do you think I should write head-canons or a SMAU? I only did head-canons once and it was my biggest work (900-ish) but they take more work to do but if I do SMAUs they are quicker to make but I don’t really get a lot of attention on them. (btw if you don’t know what SMAU is it’s kinda like a made up text story replying to the character of your choice.)

-🪼

🪼nonny im sorry boo! who knows why? i know sometimes things can be by mistake so maybe if you have another account message them to find out why? ive seen some people say "if you think i blocked you on accident lmk", and they may or may not be receptive to it, but if you approach it as "im not trying to argue with you, only trying to find out if i am leaving a bad impression in someway as I have noticed a pattern of people blocking me lately." it's more likely they will be open to sharing with you why and even if its something you dont agree with don't get defensive about it as at the end of the day it was their choice. but thats only if you care enough to do so. ive never done so in this context, but ive done so irl with friends of friends who i thought didnt like me for whatever reason and regardless of what they said, its their choice. but do remember at the end of the day, other people opinion of you is not necessarily an accurate reflection so while it is good to evaluate if theres any room for improvement. dont let it drive you crazy/take it too much to heart. theres tons and tons of great writers out there to follow who wouldnt block you.

hey! id say do whatever you feel like doing tbh, notes be damned. i never consider notes when i write something. if i did then i would only write short 500-1k drabbles or multi-fic character drabbles as those seem to get the most attention. i dont have anything against them (i actually have a ton of funny concepts for them) its just very hard for me to write smut without some sort of build up to it. but that wont be true for everyone so write what you are inspired by and what makes you happy.

notes will come! but if you aren't feeling good about what you write it will definitely show. which is why i write so slow fkhdfkhjdf.

[hallo2838]

Valentine’s Day

Notes:Idk if i should post on ao3 or tumblr im not familiar with both apps. I also wrote for ao3 and posted but since im new it will take like two days to get online idk why I feel the smut of deukae is getting less and less. Maybe some people get inspired after my writing but i don’t think so since ive never write and im just in my horny hours and i don’t even have a good idea also english is not my first language and no proof reading since you know horny hours are in the late hours. Please let me know what you think it can also be negative like just some good feedback but if people show interest i may get inspired to improve my writing and editing the format layout, writing perspective may get messy and mixed and stuff

It’s Valentine’s Day and of course you and siyeon were planning to do something. However tour is upcoming and today is the last day of practice before dc goes on tour. Luckily since you already have a relationship for quite long (5 years) it’s now normal that you go with them on tour. (The reader is probably a student still but you know nowadays can do uni online just a laptop is needed, so the reader doesn’t entirely just throws her life away).

Since it’s busy days there is no actual plan not going out for dinner or doing a cute activity but you two talked about it and of course you find it sad that there is not really time since the weeks before siyeon was already busy with preps. But knowing you still get to be on tour makes it okay.

When practice is done they return to the dorm and you two decided to order some food. Also it was planned to pack things already like clothing and all the necessarities. When packing you showed siyeon some kinky bdsm leather (like you and i outfit but only the belts) and asking which panties and bras should be with them.

Siyeon smirked when you began asking that question and said “oh babe such a naughty question, you know it doesn’t actually mind right? Since you don’t will be wearing it often”. You blushed and felt already getting wet. She always can make you feel turned on by a simple flirt.

Siyeon smacked your ass and then said “why don’t you try the red right now when packing the ones i bought you last christmas would be a waste if you take some which i don’t like. So strip”

The sudden tone change to a comand made you weak. Since you’re such a slut for her you immedieately took of everything and then putting on the red lingerie while siyeon looked hungrily at you. “Let me see it up from close”. She cupped your tits and snapped the waistband against your thigh. “They make you look like a dirty whore, i want you to take it but take off it right now before you ruin the panties already” she whispers.

Packing goes on and then siyeon find some lube and a huge strap and of course it needs to be taken with it. Siyeon showed your the strap and stroked it a bit while having it at her crotch and said “Do you want to be fucked by this big strap the whole tour, do you want to be filled by this cock every night?” Before you could even answer she said “of course i know you do you’re such a fucking slut for me. You’re only good for being my fucktoy which i can use every night and in the waiting rooms, now since this strap is so big i think i need to practice otherwise you might not can take it’. You already felt your thighs getting wet and fuck you loved that strap it makes you feel so full always.

Siyeon groped your ass and mandhandled you on all fours. “Let’s give it a little try you seem like you need it’

You arched your back and wiggled your ass to siyeon while she put on the strap. She spanked your ass once again and then dove her face right into your pussy and gave it a few licks. ‘Just want to make sure you’re wet enough since i don’t go easy’ she said as she spanked your ass twice again.

You felt the strap against your pussy and then in a rapid motion she slammed the whole length in your wet tight pussy. “Fuck it feels so good” you moaned. Siyeon chuckled and pounded you hard right from it slided in. “You were so wet for me it just slide right in, listen to all the wet sounds your cunt makes. I knew you wanted it such a dirty slut for me as always.” She continued to pound you hard so hard the headboard banged against the wall. They must have heard noises in the living room but those noises were not unfamiliar for the members.

Siyeon continued to pound you hard and the slapping skin noises and your moans turned siyeon even more on to pound you even harder if that was even possible “you take me cock so well this strap goes with is on tour. Tell me how much you like it” she said while spanking your ass again. You have a huge spanking kink and siyeon loves to spank an ass (she still spanks and grope the asses of the members even in your sight because she loves it so much)

“Fuckk siyeon it feels so good , i loved to get filled by you”

“You’re such a good slut for me always taking my dick so well” you always get wetter by her dirty talk and felt like you were close to cumming. “Siyeon im close p-please let me cum” siyeon smiled and keeped the pace pn and said “okay baby please cum for me then show me hard you can cum on this cock’. with a few thrust she felt that you cummed since you were shaking but she decided to go on for a little longer and then pulled out. She smacked your ass again, give your shoulder a kiss and whispers “ you were such a good slut for me im glad that i don’t have to miss this pussy for 3 weeks”

She helped to clean you up and then you packed your suitcase further since it still had to be done

[thedeafprophet]

#1 and #7 for the art asks? (from @neathyingenue btw ;D)

1.When did you start creating art?

I would argue that everyone, always, and forever is making art in their own invidual unique ways. while we may have certain perspectives on various art forms, i think to create is simply part of being human.

....if u wanna know when i started drawing i would say maybe around 13/14 was when i frist started sketching? I was never one of those kids who's been 'drawing since they could hold a pencil' or whatever. I never really had any natural inflication towards drawing - as a younger kid i spent more of my creative time building structures out of popsicle sticks and whatever else i got my hands on.

When i was in my preteens/early teens, i mostly started trying to draw because my friends at the time were all doing it and i felt left out 😅😅 it was a bit of an uphill climb starting from a place with less experience and no natural talent for it.

I sorta clawed my way up from there, trying and failing since then. The real skill of an artist isn't drawing in my mind; its continuing to work at it even when you feel like it sucks.

I only really have my digital art saved back to when i was 18, but i started doing it a bit before then. And it was only in the last few years that I really feel like ive gotten a handle on how I draw, where i've ever felt solidly good about things i create, even if i still struggle with self esteem. Its funny what having a muse, so to speak, in your own characters will do for your art.

hmm. this. turned into a ramble. apologies lmao

All that is too say: For awhile and with determination to not back down from it.

7. Who are some artists that have inspired you?

So when I was 13 I was like, really really into Skyrim. Like. A lot lmao. (And one of the first things i really tried learning how to draw was my skyrim character. )

Anyway, the point of this is that my biggest art influence when i was a kid was Kayla Marquez/thewickwheat on tumblr, who used to do a lot of skyrim oc art, and was very inspirational for me learning how to draw. I feel you can probably still see remenants of that past in the way i draw now. I still seriously recommend checking her stuff out, her character design and linework is phenomoinal to me to this day.

I would say one of my current inspirations, of which im sure is no surprise, is J.C Leyendecker. Specifically in the way he draws clothing. While we obviously have quite different styles, i found our form when it comes to cloothing folds to feel somewhat similar, so i find using his stuff to be very inspirational when it comes to how i approach clothes now, especially suits and shirts.

Beyond that its like... so many artists. Honestly i'd need a whole seperate ramble of a poss just for that alone, and i've already rambled. I have hundreds of photos done by various artists i like saved and sorted across different artstyles on my computer to look at and Be Inspired By. I would say now adays i take a lot of inspiration from Edwardian and Victorian era paintings in general, as im drawing the topics of those contents quite a lot.

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