#this is the most weird shipping poll I ever witnessed

[be-side-my-self]

In before because this is not on OP. OP is doing a good job! Thank you for your work!

But seeing this poll i the end is fucking hilarious.

In a really, really sad way.

What this shows is that people don't ship Climbing Class enough to make them win against a crossover ship?! This poll is really telling me that they did not even manage to win against a - let's be honest here - crackship?!

This is sad and it just shows that the fact that they won against Hackearney had nothing to do with how "loved" Climbing Class is and everything about how much people HATE hackearney.

It's funny but so, so sad.

And I am so so sorry for the people who genuiely love Climbling Class and maybe found new love for the ship. I saw that there are quite some new fanfictions so the ship is certainly not dead. Andthe few how reblogged this really wanted climbing class to win but...

Also I am sure that most people voted Laura Kearney x Hannah Washington just for fun to see if it's possible to make Climbing Class lose. I voted on the second day for Laura x Hannah (I don't even know anything about Hannah!). Imagine my surprise when I saw they were in the lead?! I did not reblog because I did not wanted my followers to ask to vote against Climbing Class... I was already feeling a little bit bad for voting at all. Then, whenever I looked, Climbing Class was not even CLOSE so winning. The whole week...

And I don't think anyone was actually expecting that. I know I did not! There is literally NO CONTENT for Laura/Hannah.

And just to use numbers a total of

2493 votes on Hackearney vs Climbing Class!

Climbing Class (52,7%) - 1.314 votes vs. Hackearney (47,3%) - 1.179 votes.

We all know that was not normal and most certainly there were bots involved! Anyway

270 votes on Climbing Class vs. Laura x Hannah

Climbing Class (44,4%) - 120 vs. Laura x Hannah (55,5%) - 150

Look at those numbers... and now let's look at a third poll just to have comparable numbers!

235 votes on  Granthem Du'Met x Erin Keenan vs. Hackearney

Granthem Du'Met x Erin Keenan (33,6%) - 79 vs. Hackearney (66,4%) - 156

Fascinating! 156 people who voted pro Hackearneny and 150 people who voted Laura x Hannah? Is it possible that those are all spiteful votes? Would this be the real result in Hackearney vs Climbin Class if not for the hate?

Curious... let's see how many votes Laura x Hannah got in the round before! Because they already won once so there has to be some support. Let's see how they fared.

Well, it's a triple but the number of votes it's still comparable, right?

221 votes on Laura x Hannah vs. Emily x Ashley vs. Beth x Laura

Laura x Hannah (47,1%) - 104 vs. Emily x Ashley (35,3%) - 78 vs. Beth x Laura (17,6%) - 39

Still good number for the crossover ship of Laura x Hannah.

That makes it look like that Laura x Hannah did not purely got supported by people who are spiteful or thought it would be funny to see Climbing Class lose. We can assume that not all votes against Climbing Class were actually pro Hackearney.

Obviously there is a small number of support for Laura x Hannah, people that like the idea of them.

It is also very much possible that Laura x Hannah now has a total of 150 supporters and people will star to create fanart and fanfiction. Would be neat.

But still... Climbing Class lost against a crossover/crackship.

Again I don't think anyone expected it... and again it all just shows how sad it is for Climbing Class that they lost in the second round because it sure looks like people don't care enough if the ship does not go against the """problematic""" Hackearney or they get something in exchange for voting for them.

Josh Washington x Chris Hartley (Climbing Class)

1. they're so iconic, so cute, so tragic. just the true otp

Laura Kearney x Hannah Washington

1.monster gfs <3

[melishade]

The Beloved Timeline is so sweet it's giving me a sugar rush! Optimus and Elita bring kind and supportive to each other is the greatest thing I've ever witnessed. Can you imagine what it must be like for the people of Paradise to witness Optimus, the stoic and super serious but gentle metal giant, be head over heels for someone?

Survey Corp must be in disbelief when they see Optimus being a stuttering dork:

Or a smooth as butter romantic.

It must be quite a sight to behold.

Previous Episode of the Beloved Timeline

Number 21

Pilot Poll Open until next Sunday

I suppose now is as good a time as any to talk about dynamics.

They want nice things for Optimus, because the last time that someone from Optimus' past showed up (Megatron) it was literal hostility until the coup was over. And even though the coup is over, there's still a strain between the two, and Megatron isn't making it any better.

Elita coming into the picture is a literal god-send to the Survey Corps! Even though the only ones who know of Elita and Optimus relationship are the Survey Corps, Pixis, and Megatron, everyone in the military has noticed that Optimus' mood has improved substantially! He's smiling! The only ones who had seen Optimus smile up until that point were Eren and Hanji! Optimus and Elita will be professional for professional sake and for the prevention of blackmail. They keep their relationship moments private for the most part. However there is some slip up P.D.A. in the workplace. And the Survey Corps cannot help but just be invested in the rekindling romance! When the two have an argument though and it's visible, the Survey Corps get so worried though. Sometimes it'll be as simple as doing a task, and it's a simple debate but a good portion of them are freaking the fuck out thinking they have to fix it.

Levi: They think you're having an argument.

Elita:...we were just talking about moving some items in the neutral ship.

And despite the fact that Elita social skills are quite rusty, she gets along better with the Survey Corps then Megatron ever did. After she beat the shit out of Megatron, she and Levi have become instant friends. Hanji is...well they are a little bit too much for Elita to handle but she knows they mean well. Elita is perplexed on how they've been able to somehow manage Megatron but Hanji replies that they have their own stubborn bastard in the form of Levi.

Levi kind of reminds Elita of Megatronus, but for the sake of Levi's sanity she keeps her mouth shut

The others in the Survey Corps do hesitate in approaching her, and sometimes Elita botches her social skills, but they still get along well enough. The only one who's kind of having trouble adjusting to this is Eren, unfortunately. It's not that he doesn't want Optimus happy! He does! Optimus is his mentor/father figure! Eren looks up to him! But on top of the fact that his first encounter with Elita was him was her trying to kill him, and the fact that Optimus actually being in a relationship with someone was kind of...weird? Eren was...jealous in a weird way. He and the Survey Corps have been trying to ease Optimus' worries and such and Elita just being there improved Optimus' mood substantially. He gets it. Elita's known Optimus for longer than anyone else except for Megatron, and they were in a relationship, and Optimus thought Elita was dead. Hell, if his mom came back to life, he'd be over the moon. He just...felt horrible for thinking this way.

One day, Elita does cover for Optimus when Hanji wants to do experiments with Eren. As Eren's doing experiments, Elita can't help but be curious and want to see Eren's battle prowess. Optimus had told her he was training him, and Optimus seemed to form a bond with the human. And Elita wanted to test out her new weapons she had crafted from the crew that she had mourned for. So Elita challenges him to a duel. Eren complies, but Elita can't help but hate how hesitant he's being and actively calls him out on it. She's just so sick of being treated as fragile at this point. Eren tries to explain that's not the reason, but Elita continues saying that she took on him and gave Megatron a run for his money. And so she immediately teaches him a lesson. His hesitance in taking on an opponent because they look like someone, or you might know them, will give any other Autobot or Decepticon the upper hand in killing him. And Decepticons would take full advantage of his vulnerability in that moment. And just to cement it further, she cuts off his leg. Eren ends up falling backwards but Elita kicks his stomach, causing him to skid across the ground, for good measure.

Eren is literally thinking that it's Annie all over again and he hates it.

Eren does put in more effort this time and gets over his hesitance and hones in on his anger, but he still loses. Obviously. He does knock the sword out of her servo at one point, but she just pulls out her new weapons, which are knuckle brasses and punches him in the face, blinding him. Eren does ultimately apologize to Elita and explains that he wasn't trying to treat Elita like she's fragile. He just...doesn't entirely know how to feel about her. He's happy for Optimus, but...he thinks this is weird and he doesn't know why. Elita knows that she can't entirely change his mind set about it. She knows Optimus cares for him, and no doubt Eren cares about Optimus. But she does offer her own services to Eren if he's willing to learn, just so he can get stronger and that the two of them can feel more comfortable around each other. Eren can't help but feel excited and tells her thank you.

More and more, the younger members of the Survey Corps, specifically the 104th will start to see her as a role model.

[lhs3020b]

Post Mortem

I promised some thoughts on the nightmarish debacle that has happened. Here they are.

TL;DR I am scathing about everything. Everyone who should have helped us, failed.

It's the morning after. They've won. Continuity Remain is dead; there isn't going to be any second referendum and Article 50 won't be revoked. You cannot imagine how I feel right now, typing those words. However, I have never sought to deny reality (however lovely denial might be) and reality is what it is. We've lost a referendum and two general elections; we're finished. There is no come-back from this. The country has made a sick, twisted, greedy, myopic and stupid decision - but that's the decision it's made. I have nothing good to say for what happened, except that it did happen.

Well, let's look at the one tiny silver lining: since the ship has now sailed, I can indulge my deep, seething pool of vitriol for our collection of useless opposition parties. I'd held back previously because I didn't want to add to the circular firing squad. But they've all shot each other now and the corpses have largely stopped twitching. So off we go. (Before we start, I won't be writing about CUK/TiG/Change-UK, because they were just annoying, and I can't be arsed. I think we've all spent enough time on that shower of idiots.)

Here's the core reason for why I'm so angry: all this was completely avoidable. The media will, of course, spin BoJo's victory as a paragonic triumph of political conservatism. Like that infamous Pravda article from the 30s, on the Soviet constitution, they'll fawn over BoJo and declare him a visionary and a victor, a veritable genius of the ages, dripping with lyricism and wit. He isn't. He's an over-promoted buffoon who lucked into the top office due to the self-destruction of his inept predecessor, aided and abetted by a lying and sycophantic media - and, by a collection of opposition parties whose sole interest was in fighting each other.

Here we have the real core problem. The people on our side only switch on for fighting each other. There's little sign that they actually really care about Brexit, or the wider state of the UK. But pursuing partisan vendettas against each other? Wheeeeeeeeeee!

Let's think back to the summer, when BoJo was faced with stalling polls and a hung parliament. He could have been ousted then - but, of course, the Lib Dems were adamant that they couldn't countenance the idea of Mr Corbyn as Prime Minister. They'd had this tendency for a while - it's not new - but it accelerated and was nurtured under Jo Swinson.

When she was elected as leader I was initially a bit sympathetic - it seemed reasonable to give her a chance. Unfortunately, it turned out that she might be the most rightwing leader they've ever had - I actually suspect now that she might be to the right of Clegg. And she went and turbocharged all of their most self-destructive tendencies. I think what she thought she was doing was clawing Tory Remainers off of the Tories. This ran into two problems; 1) there weren't that many Tory Remainers to begin with and b) most of them are more Tory than they are Remain. So they mostly stayed put, and they few who did leave (thank you, to those of you that did) just weren't enough. Meanwhile, the hard-right tilt scared off the Lib Dem's left-leaning supporters.

A while back I predicted they'd lose seats at this election; I'm sad to have been proved right. I am, however, grimly-amused that Swinson herself lost her seat. The other problem with Swinson's rampany anti-Corbynism was that it partially demobilised continuity!Remain. A lot of people sensed that she was more anti-Corbyn than anti-Brexit; that also implied no plausible chance of an anti-Brexit coalition. Hoenstly, given how overt and personal the vitriol between her and Corbyn got, it's hard to see how it could ever have worked. And there's no point voting for something that you know is impossible. I do wonder if maybe this switched some left-leaning people off, or perhaps even sent a few ditherers back to the Tories (under the assumption that any sort of government is better than no government, I suppose).

As for the Lib Dem campaign, it was a mess. At one point their leader went on air to deny killing squirrels (yes, seriously, this actually happened). She got all excited about thermonuclear genocide at one point, because that's not at all weird and creepy, amirite?! Then there was the bizzarity that was "skills wallets" (don't ask - basically, the sort of policy abortion that happens when a collection of wonks are locked in a room with a boxed set of the West Wing and too much cocaine).

[OK, I'll expand this one. Briefly, skills wallets were a weird continuing-adult-education idea, where you'd have a pot of money that you could access at certain ages, apparently to take some kind of training or re-education or something. Why the ages in question, why that amount of money, and why not just make adult-ed free at the point of use, were never really explained. Then there was the can of worms that was additional voluntary contributions - what I took away from this was it was the adult-ed version of pensions auto-enrollment. I spent the last four years fighting a corrupt auto-enrollment fund, so I have strong feelings here!]

As for general themes, really, the LD campaign didn't have one. There was a lot of "Corbyn, THE MONSTER, the monster, Corbyn!". And, kind of oddly, there wasn't actually that much about Brexit. It actually didn't figure very strongly in their campaign. You came away from watching it all with a) a bad taste in your mouth and b) a nagging feeling that these people didn't know what they were doing.

To be fair to them, their vote share did go up, a bit - from 7.4% in 2017 to 11.4% yesterday. Which is, uh, not exactly dizzying. And it seems to have happened in all the wrong places, so they still managed to lose seats overall.

OK, we've gawped at the piss-stained ashes of the old Liberal Party, lying in state where some eggregious family-member has dumped them, on a roadside verge in the middle of nowhere. (Perhaps some enterprising squirrel has buried a nut amongst them.) Let's move onto the other vast, soul-sucking black hole of despair, also know as the Labour and Co-operative Party.

Oh dear god. The Labour Party.

The Labour Party is Britain's perennial second party, and nothing that happened last night challenged its second-place status. Their vote share dropped by 7.8 percentage points on 2017; this is what produced the Tory landslide, essentially. The Tory vote went up a little, by about 1 point, but otherwise stayed largely flat on 2017. This time, though, Labour collapsed. They lost a swathe of seats across the country, including places like Bolsover and Blyth Valley, which were previously rock-solid.

What went wrong? Everything. Basically, the stars aligned against us, in every single way.

First of all, Labour's campaign was dogged by the antisemitism scandal. And you know what? It was bloody well right that it did. The leadership dealt with antisemitism by ... doing nothing. Anyone who tried to raise the issue instead would get "Corbyn outriders" dumping on them on Twitter. Apparently we're suddenly not allowed to be concerned about racism on the Left anymore? Frankly, fuck that.

What they should have done was a quick-and-brutal party purge, perhaps early in 2018, when there was still time. Take some initiative, get control of the narrative again, and get rid of people who are only going to shit all over your campaign. But, uh, no. That didn't happen. I'll note that the Chris Williamson show in particular went on far, far longer than it should have.

Then we come to Brexit itself. Corbyn spent three years equivocating on the issue. OK, I'll allow that in hindsight, perhaps strategic ambiguity made some sense back in 2017 (though note that they still lost that election too). It didn't by 2019. But Corbyn was still trying to stand in the middle of the road as late as the summer - and by doing so inadvertently opened up political space for the (brief) Lib Dem revival, which in turn shunted Labour onto the defensive. And as I believe Paddy Ashdown once said, if you stand in the middle of the road, you get hit by traffic.

Eventually, the Labour leadership reluctantly adopted a second referendum position, but by then the damage was done. Basically, Corbyn had convinced Leavers that he was a Remainer, and Remainers that he was a Leaver. Labour appears to have lost votes about evenly across both Remain/Leave areas(!). In a way, he actually did unite the country - just against him. Ooops.

The rest of Labour's prospectus was a mess this year. Home Office reform was de-emphasized (arbitrary deportation by the Home Office is a huge concern amongst ethnic minorities). Drugs-law reform seems to have fallen off the agenda. There was no obvious theme to the campaign - surprising given that 2017's "For the Many" theme did cut across. Instead the "offer", such as it was, appeared to be a largely-incoherent grab-bag of spending promises, some of them with very large headline numbers. (The £58 billion for the WASPI pensions thing stands out there.) A lot of people simply didn't believe the country could afford it. You don't vote for things that you fear will bankrupt you.

Also, in a way, there's a parallel to the skills wallets thing here. Labour would have been better off, I think, just doing something straightforward like saying, "If elected we'll raise disability, sickness and unemployment benefits by £x per week, and we'll get rid of the ATOS fit-for-work assesments". It would have the advantages of simplicity, clarity and a clear political theme. Instead we got this weird fiscal machine that would produce some of those effects, except via a complicated multi-part kludge (which probably wouldn't even work properly anyway). I don't know how this came about; presumably it was an after-effect of one of the party's unending internal power-struggles.

Corbyn himself is a controversial figure, from his past associations with the IRA (more vague than the press would have you believe, but still a drag on the doorstep) to the perception of socialist extremism. Again, let me note that the "but he's a Communist, because that starts with 'C' too!" stuff is disingenuous, but this perception exists, and the Party have not found any apparent way to challenge it. Honestly? If your candidate is a ship that's holed below the waterline, yes it is horribly-unfair and all the rest of it, but you do need to run someone else. (I see no point softening that punch ; while Corbyn's been leader, the whole UK has voted 4 times, at 2 general elections, 1 referendum and 1 EU Parliament election. Every time, Labour has bombed. It's hard not to see a pattern here.)

Finally, the Labour Party itself has failed to ever re-unite. It's effectively two political parties in one - or possibly three, depending on how you want to look at Momentum. On a fair day with a strong wind, the Parliamentary portion sometimes manages to move just-about-consistently, but nothing else seems to have that behaviour. Honestly I suspect a lot of people's real fear about a Labour government is not that it would be a socialist tyranny, but rather that it would implode within about six months. Labour has lost its way amongst a storm of factional infighting. To be fair to Corbyn, this isn't new. Ed Milliband's desperate tenure was derailed by internal struggles. Even the 1997-2010 period had the ongoing squabbles between Brownites and Blairites (remember them?).

So yeah, Labour's campaign was an absolute shambles this year, and the whole country is suffering now for that.

Lastly, let's have a quick look at the Green Party. Where were they this year? With Extinction Rebellion making headlines, the Amazon burning, Australia on fire and weather records being smashed everywhere - remember that day when we had summer back in February? - it should have been the Greens' year. Environmental concerns are going up in salience - people are starting to get genuinely worried. And, uh, where were they? I can't recall hearing a single peep from the Green Party during the election. Whatever it was they were doing, it seems to have completely failed to capitalise on the moment. Perhaps they should have been a bit more visible.

The only people who come out of this with any credit are the SNP. I haven't heard anything teeth-grinding about them - though, that might just be because I live in southern England.

Oh, and let's take a final kick in the teeth, shall we? If you add up the shares of the votes received by pro-second-referendum parties ... guess what it comes to? Yup: 52%, versus 48% for the pro-Brexit parties. 52/48 - aaaaargh! Yet, the 48% had a narrative that kept their vote all in one place, so they won an absolute majority at Westminster. Ours got scattered to the four winds by several separate inept campaigns and several useless party leaders. Had there been a second referendum, we could have won it. But we never got the chance, because everyone supposedly on our side were completely, perfectly, useless.

Sigh :(

[letscuttothefeeling]

season three episode one

Okay everyone, Siesta Key just ended and I must say – I’m overall VERY pleased with the premiere of Season 3. Even though I know everything that’s happening in this season because I created a reddit account specifically for access to a thread dedicated to all things SK, and because they posted everything that happens on the Siesta Key Instagram, I was still shocked by one thing: how much I enjoyed the episode. Let’s cut to the feeling.

Fade in. There he is – the mystery man I’ve been dying to meet – SCOTT. That’s right, Fabienne’s husband. You may know him as Juliette’s Father. Chic French queen Fabienne and confused husband Scott congratulate Juliette on her graduation from FSU and suggest she become an attorney. Juliette has plans of her own – retail. They look elated. After making a weird sex joke to her Dad, and having visible difficulty adjusting to her new veneers, Juliette has graduated, the scene is over, and I am feeling great about the season.

If you’ve ever watched SK, you know three things for sure. 1. Juliette is a hideous crier. 2. Canvas’ Mother has a complete lack of understanding when it comes to parenting. 3. Kelsey and Juliette do NOT get along. UNTIL NOW! It’s very exciting to see their first scene as not only friends – but also roomies! Even though Kelsey’s bizarrely shaped eyebrows, over plumped fake lips and orange spray tan make me feel like she must have NO real friends, because certainly, they wouldn’t let her butcher her appearance so thoroughly, she and Juliette seem to get along swimmingly by talking mad shit about Chloe. We love to see women supporting women by talking shit about other women.

Chloe, you minx! Chloe pulls up to Alex’s mansion in a Bentley toting about ten designer bags and a serious attitude. After she explains to his mother that she’s taken it upon herself to pickuppe some “luxury” clothing items for Alex in Sarasota, Florida, even though he’s quite literally in EUROPE, she also *subtly!* drops that he’s left behind his personal credit card for her own use. Weird brag, but more importantly: cha-ching! After talking shit about Juliette to a grown woman, they switch the conversation to Madisson’s new man. Queue Malibu by Miley Cyrus. Ma-jor props to whoever created the playlist for this epi.

After a stunning underwater montage from Florida to Cali, we see aspiring model/actress Maddison walking into a dinner date. Even though Chloe’s just gabbed to Alex’s mother that Braddison is no more, I still half expect BG to pop up and hold the door open for Madi. Just kidding, I don’t, because the producers of this show spilled quite literally every twist before it aired. Wait, speaking of producers – who is Madisson on a date with? Oh, it’s “ISH”, the FORTY-SIX-YEAR-OLD, BALD, AND OVERWEIGHT FORMER PRODUCER OF SIESTA KEY. Unlike Juliette’s father, Scott, I’ve met Madisson’s Dad before, so it’s not immediately apparent to me as to why she has serious Daddy issues. I’m hoping the root of this unfolds during the season. Ish, or “baby” as Madisson calls him, (again, he’s 46, so I’m not sure “baby” is the most fitting nickname, but to each her own) decides it will be totally normal to jet back to the key and surprise the children he used to exploit the cast with the announcement of his new relationship. I can’t wait.

Okay, we’re back at a dinner date – but a much more age-appropriate one between Juliette and her new man, former bachelorette contestant, Robby. I’m not a bachelor franchise fan and unfortunately for Robby, I’m NOT a Robby fan either. He’s not hot and he’s not cool. That’s literally it. Discussing this further would be a waste. Oh, it’s worth noting that new roomies Chloe and Madisson also meetuppe during this time to discuss Madisson and Ish. (Mish, if you will. Some prefer Dadisson.) Thank you, Chloe, for reacting to the news in a very relatable way by chugging alcohol and hiding in your clothing.

Um, who is this hottie emerging from a PJ? It’s the fabulous Cara, with a new nose! Normally I love to hate her - she has that je ne sais quoi – but right now, I just love her. Removing your nose job bandages on film is the kind of 2020 realness I need in my life. Enter G BABY! We’ve missed you and your utter lack of awareness, Garrett! But the love birds aren’t exactly happily reuniting – there’s def some tension in the air. Uh oh! Cara immediately becomes annoyed that Garrett both broke her heart AND kept his lips shut about her new nose. Poll – would you rather your boyfriend intentionally squeeze your fat as fuck thighs, or neglect to comment on your surgically enhanced face? The choice is yours.

While Juliette’s graduation party is great, if Alex doesn’t throw a start-of-the-summer rager, I’m suing MTV. More specifically, I’m suing YOU, Gary. Anyways, as Juliette and de ghurls are getting ready for the party, Juliette’s asked who she likes boning more – Boring Robby or shrek Alex. She hesitates for a moment but then says Robby. I take that pregnant pause as a confirmation of what I’ve known all along – Alex is great in bed and that’s the only reason Juliette was obsessed with him. (Edit – this has been confirmed on her Instagram story.)

Cut to: Cara, G baby, and Cara’s new androgynous and likely lesbian friend, Victoria, getting drinks. I don’t know what’s more confusing – the fact that Cara claims Victoria is her best friend or the fact that Garrett continues to piss Cara off by defending Kelsey while she incessantly brings her up.

Party time! But it wouldn’t be a party without Chloe intervening in something that has nothing to do with her in an attempt to destroy Juliette’s happiness. While wearing a Kentucky derby inspired hat/headband, nonetheless! Chloe and Amanda sit down with Boring Robby the second he arrives to grill him with some genual questions about his “intentions” with Juliette. And I can’t help but immediately think of that scene in Twilight when Police Chief Charlie Swan pulls out his shotgunné to intimidate his daughter’s 108-year-old vampire soul mate. Thank you, Catherine Hardwicke/ Stephanie Meyers, for this image.

At this point, I have to question Chloe’s sexuality because I can’t think of a single other reason as to why she would be so invested in Juliette’s relaysh with Robby. Is he a “phony”, simply using Juliette for fame? Maybe! But aren’t they all kind of doing that anyway? It’s like, they’re on a reality show for God’s sake. After Boring Robby says absolutely nothing of interest, (read: BORING Robby,) something actually exciting happens. Kelsey slithers over to publicly flirt with G baby in an attempt to piss off Cara, and it totally WORKS! Nice!

The second Cara sees Kelsey and G baby talking, her eyes fill with fire and she almost burns her new nose off. It’s funny that she portrays herself as such a sophisticated, cosmopolitan gal, yet she’s so blatantly insecure about trashy Kelsey and Garrett, the braindead body of meat, talking about absolutely nothing. Stop slumming it and start dating Zaddies like Madisson!

After Garrett tells Kelsey that Cara has banned him from talking to her, Kelsey marches up to Cara, grabs her by the hand, and you just KNOW the rumors are true – World War III is HAPPENING! Kelsey and Cara immediately establish that they’re not each other’s “kind of person”, and then Kelsey tells Cara that she can’t wait for Cara’s “life to explode.” Cara fires back with the ULTIMATE diss, claiming that Kelsey doesn’t even have her GED! We find out this is, in fact, not true via Instagram, thanks to Kelsey’s iconic photo of none other than GARRETT holding her on her graduation day. Okay, high school level educated kween! Go off!

Pls note caption

Here’s the thing: I dislike Cara and Kelsey, both for entirely different reasons, but IMO, Kelsey won this round. Cara came off as insecure, psychotic, and just plain mean! Cara, a word of advice? Stop gallivanting around tacky Florida and return home to America’s Kingdom – New Jersey.

 Pay close attention everyone - we’re almost done and you’re about to witness reality show television HISTORY. And it is a BAG. OF. WEIRD. After Boring Robby buys Juliette a trip to Greece, Madisson and her new Dad man walk in, and EVERYONE IS SHOOK. Seriously. The cast is genuinely shocked. Please note their faces when Madisson and Ish waltz into Juliette’s grad party hand in hand. Arguably the most thrown off person of all, of course, is BG. He hastily confronts his former producer, and refers to Ish’s relationship with his ex as a “bag of weird.” Honestly, Brandon, I have to agree with you. And so does literally everyone else in the world.

After Brandon huffs, puffs, and exits, everyone gets over the initial shock of Madisson’s upsettingly old “boy”friend and the episode winds down. But there’s one twist. We learn via Chloe’s texts that Alex is on his way back from Europe. Probably wearing all the luxe clothes Chloe shipped him from Siesta Key. Because who trusts European clothes, am I right? Anyways, something tells me that Boring Robby doesn’t stand a chance once Alex touches down on the Key. But we’ll have to wait until next week to find out.

Fin