#this is the most productive thing I've done today lmfao

[kuiinncedes]

jdfuafhuagkldflgajkd

[mikavlcs]

ok I got so late here I swear I got so caught up I'M SO SORRY. Also I read your last Wens piece! I ADORED IT TOO QWJEJWQ AND THE WHOLE CRITICISM PART ABOUT THE POEM? JDJQWJEQJWE I burst out laughing like a fucking idiot and ended up almost throwing my computer to the floor don't ask how. I've been a bit busy but I'll comment and fill your notif thingy with 9219292 notifs soon!

This is to the mf spamming your ask box cause I get lost a few days and when I come back these bitches just-

Listen to me you little motherfucker. You spam again mika's ask thingy trying to be rude or say anything that can be relatively, just slightly offensive or harmful, and I'll locate your little annoying ass all the way to the hellhole you're from, open your chest with my bare hands and use your ribs to carve your insides. And once I'm done, I'll open up that thick, little skull of yours, take your brains out and use them to make a written apology for Mika on your name before I dissolve your body with hydrochloric acid and burn your clothes and stuff. You wanna know something funny? It would only take me a week, at most. With that, there wouldn't be even bones left thanks to the acid. Not a single piece of your little annoying ass left to recognise. We clear bud? we cleAR? because I can be more spECIFIC AND GRAPHIC YOU LITTLE-

(don't take me seriously. not too much at least-)

JQWEJQWJE just kidding. I would never do that. Or would I now? MUAAHAHHAHA

Out of jokes, there's no need to be rude, man. You never have to intend any kind of harm of offense to anyone, especially someone in the internet who hasn't bothered you at all. The worst thing is that you don't even have the face to send the asks personally, you just go full anon, like the little coward you are. Hope whoever you are you stop bothering Mika, put it together and go do something productive instead of wasting your time trying to be an ass, pal.

Btw, howdy! how are things going home? are your electronics still out of danger? I hope they are! c'mon c'mon I feel like I've been away from tumblr for tons of time now, tell me tell me something. Has anything interesting happened in your week? have you eaten something today? what did you have? how was it? how's your writer's block?

PS: the threat above goes for anyone who bothers you aRE WE CLEAR ?????👹👹👹👹👹

(I'm so sorry that meme was just there and JDJQEJQWJEQJEJ I JUST COULDN'T STOP MYSELF FROM DOING IT SORRY)

the way i read this while you’re spamming my notifs 😭🤚 also you threw your laptop on the floor??? lmfao??

SKDHDKEDJDK NOT THE HYDROCHLORIC ACID 😭😭 that’s such a specific and crazy threat…laughing so hard rn (also that whole paragraph had real ghostface tara energy) but thank you<33 they have still not returned so it’s chill 👍

and yes my stuff is still out of danger! nothing explicitly interesting has happened, i’ve mostly been studying for finals next week 💔💔 and i had cereal today, it was good<33 i hope you’re doing good as well despite being busy!

[perfectbllues]

MH edit

↳Favorite TTA Videos.

[synchronmurmurs]

(Sending this again cause I'm not sure whether or not it went through the first time)

The fungi have long since relinquished their hold on my flesh, I have become one with the earth. Worms now tunnel through my hollowed bones. I am at peace. Translation: Your local dipshit meme dealer is back 😘 missed ya!

I'm finally able to let myself breathe again! So I combed through your playlist to get rid of videos I'd already sent you (and in the process saw the one Aerith chair meme you'd responded with and died because I hadn't been initiated into that one at the time. So you get a belated gold star because I may or may not be obsessing over some Final Fantasy stuff right now 🌟) and now I'm ready to get back on my bullshit once again 😉

https:// youtu.be/4itu7X-LPio

https:// youtu.be/atxetE-me5I

Vergil giving me my clown card for simping over Lady Dimitrescu 😭

https:// youtu.be/5XRwzUCXlmE

Aaaaand another edit because this comeback feels underwhelming and I wanna leave it on a good note

In other news I have indeed started that Vergil in a dress piece 👀 you'll have to forgive me when I do eventually finish it, this is my first time drawing him and I'm a little rusty. Imma take my sweet time with him though, he deserves the attention

👉😎👉

skjdfh it did nonnie!! I've just been rolling around for most of today, letting time get away from me. 😶💦💦

But I missed you too, and I'm glad you're back!!! Like I found myself thinking about you again sometime last week, just going like "hmm, it's been a while, I hope they're okay...". But I'm glad things have seemed to ease up for you a bit? I hope this trend continues. 🙏🙏

And GOD I... the Chaireth edit is so ugly, but I think that just adds to the charm. 🤣 I couldn't imagine putting any other face on it, and I'm glad I stuck to my guns despite the hard edges lmao. Despite this though, I know very little about FF7R sfhkj. Just the standard stuff you pick up through osmosis and good ol' memes. If nothing else, I'm really glad fandom can move on from like... soft sweet demure Aerith, and get the unhinged Aerith she actually was. 🤣

BUT YES

Me, like 7 seconds in: OH THAT IS SMOOTH

God it's still wild to me that we live in this era of creation. I can't imagine what seeing this level of like... production back in 2005 would have done to my poor insect brain sjkldfh

t-thank you vegrild I will cherish thins foevevr,/, Also Lady D omg, I feel you. And so does the rest of internet. I haven't gone completely off the rails about her, but I 1) look very respectfully and 2) get weirdly soft when I think about how maternal she could be 🥺🥺 like fwiw, she did love her daughters...

A quick cw for flashing lights in this one, but also really good. I think my age is showing here, but this sort of thing is pretty popular nowadays? These are like... fancams right? Or is there another word for them?? I'M SO OUT OF THE LOOP LMFAO

AND LJKSDH I... ID' COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE VERGIL IN A DRESS THING OMG, IT'S LIKE IT'S CHRISTMAS 🤣🤣 Very VERY looking forward to that because he absolutely deserves the attention. But no rush of course, you gotta take care of yourself first!

It was really good to hear from you again dealer nonnie. 💖

👈😎👈

[tamiddyinyourcity]

2:02am, Saturday, January 4th of 2020!

Switching between tons of productivity, and extreme zoning out throughout the entire course of the day.

Finslly sitting back to relax, free at last from the turmoil of cleaning my own messes up.

One on hand, I re-purged my entire bedroom, again.

My mom is not only on her period, but hates when I clean my room, (since she can visibly see whatever mess i had, and despite it being the removal process, and something positive, shes definitely a big reason why i loathe the cleaning process; she finds a way to be aggressive or punishing about good things, either way it goes.)

And on the other hand, I've nutted so many times today that I've lost count.

......

But its been a good day.

I feel a little odd writing here, since its either my ex or my ex's weirdo ass best friend reading this, and either way it goes, thats uncomfortable.

The equivalent of sitting in betweem a glass wall and telling Adolf and Putin about my day. Those niggas wouldnt care, but for some reason, they sit......

It's an uncomfortable feeling, knowing that people who dont like me, could be reading up about my life.

To chuckle at it, or groan at it, weirdo shit.

......

I'll just say, "It's none of my business if they are", and live my life. Fuck them niggas, bro, i love discussing my life.

Anyways.

I successfully found all of my "sexy shoes", the heeled boots and the sandals and alluring shoes that feel comfortable, but make my legs feel long and sexy. I wear flats so much that the soles have worn out in less than a month even, so..... Fun to know I could've been out here, strutting in cute booties and high heeled boots like a supermodel during the cold season.

Would've also been amusing to tower over my then-boyfriend at the time; lmfao.

Buuuut I guess between my mom kicking me out the house by 9:30am every single morning and not letting me come home until nighttime, one could say that walking around for an entire day aimlessly with 4 to 5 inch heels on, would have not been very cash money of a feeling for several months straight......

And a little sad to know that Winter is ending. No more fun rainstorms and power outages..... Back to sweating out all of my clothes, and loathing the feeling of jeans during summer.

(I hate winter because of wet jeans, or having to wear 5 layers just to not shiver, then sweating through all of them, and just creating huge piles of sweaty clothes that i have to nonstop keep changing out of over and over again......)

.....Winter flew by.

I did sleep through most of Winter, honestly. Slept til Christmas, slept most of Christmas, then slept all the way through the day I had my split with Patrick..... then slept for another long ass time, and then New Years Eve hit, and here we are.

I slept and somewhat stopped eating into a new decade. Thats wild.

I'm good for now, and thats what matters. I love myself too much. :) Eating and doing things feels fun when i get the chance to do that.

Random memories to get off my chest:

That time Patrick was drunk and showing me videos of Kermit singing on his phone. "Do you just watch nonstop Singing Kermit dub videos?" "HAAAaaaa.... Yeah."

That time Patrick had a crisis playing Scrabble on Halloween, meanwhile I was doing 3 letter words and somehow feeling more buzzed than him. (12 beered Patrick is chill, 2 hard apple cidered Tamia is....... still nice! Almost the same as usual, honestly.)

The time Patrick got me flowers and candy before we rode out to Santa Cruz. It was a really nice ride.... along with how I kept sniffing the flowers the whole time there, and blushing..... That really was some of the sweetest shit someone's done for me.

Shooting stars date! Who wouldnt like to look at comets abd meteor showers with their best friend at the time?

Drinking wine with him while watching a shitty parody movie about the Triads and martial arts, or some shit. It had a synchronized dance scene with the gangsters in the beginning.... nice.

That time his dog woke me up by directly kissing me on the mouth.... DIS GOS TEN. THATS THE WORSE SCENARIO FOR A GERMAPHOBE! AND SOMETHING FELL OUT ITS MOUTH ONTO MINE????? God. Gross, but, i like the memory nonetheless. I woke up next to Patrick, feeling lovely, and half asleep woken up to his dog jumping ontop of me, and hearing Patrick laugh.

I really liked his laughs, man. He did a snort thing when he laughed, it was adorable.

Hmmmm...... that time he gave me a gift, since he knew I was sad on Thanksgiving. Came back the next day, and drove to my house to see me again. A day after we spent the whole night talking with eachother, a 2 hour long phone call.... and being exclusive. I was ecstatic to see him! And he had that five o clock shadow, which makes him look *hotter*.... Too much details to describe, but his eyes, the grin he gave me as I admired the gift.... all of it, really. And the earrings, I just recently found. They aren't as shiny as when I first saw them, which makes me wonder if they had cheap iridescent dust on them that rubbed off at the bottom of my bag, or if I saw the gift through rose colored glasses...... But they hold memories, so I still love knowing I still have the gift anyways. And i appreciate how thoughtful he had been to get them for me back then..... how sweet. Loved this....

.....I think that's all for now.

My left eye watered a bit as I wrote that last one, but I didn't burst into tears, so I think that's valuable progress for myself.

What did I do today?:

Cleaned the fridge. Why the fuck was juice and other random shit spilled over? I caused none of it. How does one get melted cheese in the back of the fucking fridge????? It LOOKED like chee-- anyway, i cleaned the disgusting fridge in the best way i could, and that helped me feel a lot less guilty about avoiding things in life.

I threw out all the useless garbage in my bedroom my mom glared at me over on New Years Day.

Found a hairstylist in a local city with mega good reviews. Everyone says she's super friendly, and whatnot. Good at doing relaxers.... If it's someone thats not hostile, and can effectively listen to my needs, its perfect... but, its 90 dollars for a RELAXER RETOUCH. NINETY DOLLARS???????? My last place was 25 dollars.... Then again, my last place has a history of tweezing out my entire eyebrow, fucking up my hair a solid 4 times or more, and people with shitty attitudes and no skill. And the receptionist, who failed at scheduling my appointment twice in a row..... then gave ME shit over it.... Long story short, stealing their jar of pens and flipping them the bird wasn't the best way to handle things.... but, it was the funniest route. HA! I just gotta spend a little more now, that's fine with me.

Bought a wig on an impulse. Bright red sexy wig... And lingerie. Treat-yo-self, sis.

Hung up a bulletin board on my bedroom wall. My dream is to have several bulletin boards of quotes, script scenes, paintings, concept art, and inspirations hanging up all around a desk for me to work at.... I feel great, making the first moves towards my ideal situations for myself.

Read random sex stories. It's a great alternative to pining over a heartbreak, reading other people's successful fuck stories. Or better yet, the stories of how other people met the people they decided to marry..... Beautiful, honestly. It's hard to be sad about being dick deprived, if I can read stories where someone else had a great time getting dicked, and just cheering them on instead! Positive vibes only! Aaaaay.

Got a girl crush. Fuck yeah! SHE LIKES MY PICS, OH WOW, YEAAAAAAAH BOYYYYYYYY! That's wassuuuuuup!

Watching random videos of things I forgot I liked. Like videos of crabs eating doritos, and other nice things like this. Videos of a man randomly feeding stray kittens all over his neighborhood, in what I assume is Russia. Things like that.

Read about the World War.... still dont get it. Jesus christ.

And vibing so good bro, not gonna lie.

......

And realizing how dope things really can be for me.

They're pretty good, man.

The other night, I checked in on really good friends that I stopped talking to back when I first dated Patrick, (we fucked almost every day tbh,) and had some good conversations.

My friend José mentioned that he got back with a girl who he said was toxic before, but they worked it out.

And since I'm a sane person, and not an Azalea, I just went "Oh cool bro, is she treating you right though? Did yall resolve all of your problems and improve on things fully?"

He said they were "90% the way there, but its going a million times better than before".... So simply put, I was happy for him.

Since if a friend is in a relationship and working things out in a healthy way, you're supposed to.... accept their fucking choices, and trust that your friend is truly safe. NOT overstep boundaries and instigate, that stupid fucking bitch i still wanna slap that fucking cunt of a young lady

I'm doing well so far.

Feeling good.

I occasionally imagine how seeing Patrick platonically would be like.......

Not terrible. But, distant.

And if either of us felt one way and the other didnt, i dont know what would happen.

I would probably like him to an extent, but never trust him for a relationship again.

Weve broken up too many times now........ thats all.

I guess ideal situation: we stay buds. Instead of it being me wanting to hold hands or whatever, its just like any other friendship. I did really wanna do things with him like we mentioned, like directing a film together. Or recording a video with him. I guess.

Probably would need absolutely any attraction towards him to die, and to see him as any other person, instead of "Oh look, the guy i used to make out with and fuck, kiss, and vent to..... in his prius, in the hills, and in his bed.... and then the relationship broke harder than the window on Elon Musk's fucking Cybertruck."

.....

Yikes.

....

I was gonna say something, but I forgo-

OH YEAH!

I was suspicious of him right off the bat last time when we were meeting saying he was considering breaking up with me, and the long pauses when asked why.

Definitely didn't soothe my thoughts of, "Huh, I wonder if he smashed Azalea or something", and my not-so-scary "fear", being right all along.

Or yknow, if a girl can successfully make a guy not only exclude his girlfriend from a party, and then dump her..... that does say something.

I dunno.

I did ask that night, calmly. Just in general, "did you hook up with anyone else that night?"

And his response was, "No, I dont think i wouldve even had the time to".

.....what a strange answer.

But then again, hookup is different than "kiss" or "got feelings confessed to by someone else".

Since this IS the same guy who, when I had to ask if he had wanted to date anybody else, had to be explained bit by bit what that meant............. (A normal person would say "no", but Patrick had went "well, what do you mean by *date*?"..... jesus christ patrick, theres a huge difference between a casual lunch with a platonic friend, versus a date with a romantic interest, why do you need me to explain shit that you already know?)

.....i really resent memories of our relationship sometimes.

3:09am, resisting urge to leave a voicemail.

Peace out then. Laters.