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13uswntimagines · 2 days ago

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All In My Head (Alessia Russo X Singer!r)

Part III of the Safe Harbor Universe. Find other parts here

Summary: Being Sick on tour sucks, but that doesn't mean that you want your team to inform your girlfriend. She has her own career to think about. The problem is that honesty is rule number 1 in your relationship.

Warnings: there is mention of a D/s dynamic, but nothing is super explicit. Alessia is referred to as daddy.

Authors note: Yes the ending is a cliffhanger. But this has honestly been in my drafts since like August, so i wanted to put it out. I'm considering a Pt. 2, but it will depend on if people want it. I really hope you enjoy it, and let me know what you think.

You sighed heavily, leaning against the stadium's cool stone wall and twisting the bracelet around your wrist.

Which stadium, you couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter, really. They all looked the same after a while anyway, blurring together in the never-ending cycle of rehearsals, performances, interviews, and meet and greets.

All your life seemed to be was performing and promoting music you weren’t even excited about anymore. It was a nonstop grind filled with late nights and early mornings, with almost no time for your well-being.

You almost wished your girlfriend had implemented a rule that placed a limit on how much you could do. At least that would give you the power to say no.

You did your best.

You squeezed in as many phone calls with your girlfriend, Alessia as you could, but she had her own commitments with the Lionesses as they prepared to defend their European championship.

Most of the time you ended up passing out over FaceTime, and waking up to texts telling you she loved you.

You understood. You both had careers and obligations. You both had to make sacrifices to get to do the things you loved.

It was… intense, but for the most part, you enjoyed it. You loved playing for the fans. You would deal with all the promotional bs just so you could interact with the people who loved your music as much as possible.

They deserved that.

And this tour had been going far better than the ones you had been on before it. You were holding it all together far better than you had in the past.

Or it had been.

It all started with a slight tickle in your throat in the city before last. A whisper of huskiness that went away with a nice steam session and some tea.

It was easy to ignore in the beginning.

Then you played 4 shows back to back last weekend.

By the end of the 3rd show, you knew you were screwed, you could barely muster a horse whisper. Alessia had commented that you sounded like a chain smoker, your first sign that she was seeing through you, but you assured her you would be fine. You even joked that you had enough throat coat and grether's pastilles to turn her off for a year. She let you soothe her worries.

You pushed on, powered my menthol lozenges and Honey, and you made it through the 4th show.

It would have been fine. It shouldn’t have mattered that your ability to make any sound at all was hanging on by a thread. The 5 days off you had should have been enough to set everything right.

Except you didn’t have 5 days off.

It was filled with promotional performances for a new album and interviews about how well it would accompany the movie it was attached to. If someone else asked you about how it felt about the possibility of an Oscar nod, you were going to scream. Or rip all of your hair out or both.

The tickle had turned to hot nails, and nothing - not the steam machine or tea and honey - had the power to soothe it.

You sounded like you were talking through gravel, and your team had been hesitant to even let you go on tonight.

Alessia definitely would not have, if she knew how bad it really was. You started avoiding her two days ago after you couldn’t make it through a sentence without a crack, and you couldn’t continue to blame the low whistle that accompanied every one of your breaths on allergies.

You knew going in that performing tonight wasn’t a great idea, but you refused to let the fans down. There were only 4 shows left. Surely you could make it.

The entire show felt like a battle.

You had to fight for every note. For every breath.

Your lungs felt like they were on fire and your throat was raw before you even got to the piano set.

It took everything in you to hide the thinness in your voice. To prevent every sound from cracking as you forced each lyric out.

It was…rough to say the least.

But you made it- even if it was only by the skin of your teeth.

You were shot by the time you did your final bow and disappeared backstage. You ignored the cold Gatorade being pressed into your palms, knowing it would only aggravate the glass shards in your throat, and shrugged off Steven and Clint.

You didn’t need their concern, you needed to escape the roaring in your ears. The pounding in your chest.

So you took turn after turn until you were in an abandoned section of hallways.

You sighed, grasping at your throat as you slid down the cool wall, pulling your knees to your chest and pressing your forehead into the rough material of your costume to drown out the pounding in your head. Your fingers tangled in the hair at the back of your head and you groaned.

The sound felt like hot coals in your throat, and it made your chest ache.

You feared that no amount of steam, or tea, or pastilles would stop it this time.

The cold bricks of the stadium felt nice against your skin, leaching the heat from your body, though it did nothing to help the fire in your chest.

A fire that was quickly moving past the gray areas in your agreement with Alessia, and into a place that your daddy would definitely have something to say about.

You were treating your limits with her like a tightrope, carefully toeing the edge. Except with the way you felt, you knew you were about to topple one way or the other.

You ignored the sounds of clicking shoes coming closer, hoping that whoever it was wouldn’t see you. That they would leave you be to pull the cracked pieces of yourself back together.

But your team knew better than to leave you to your own devices.

“Y/n?”

You tensed at the soft hand on your shoulders, and the sound of shifting clothing as someone settled on the ground beside you.

“You ok, kid?” Natasha asked softly, running soothing circles on the top of your shoulders.

You let out another breath before you pulled your face from its hiding spot, resting your chin on your knees. “I’m ok. Just wanted some quiet,”

You frowned at the horse whisper that left your lips, and the flair of pain that accompanied it.

Natasha hummed.

She had been part of your team from the beginning, back when you were a dumb 16-year-old, long before Pepper, Tony, Steve and the rest of the crew had joined, and she knew you nearly as well as Alessia did.

She raised an eyebrow at you. “Just some quiet?”

You knew that wasn’t what she was actually asking.

The question went much deeper.

She knew about your… dynamic with Alessia, and she had seen the striker take care of you in various ways. She was asking you what you needed.

You nodded, looking away from her, afraid that she would see through you.

“I needed a minute,” You said, your voice barely a squeak. “It was all too much, and I wanted to be alone before I got pulled into something else,”

She made a low sound at the familiar explanation. “And this has nothing to do with how you sound like you’re gargling rocks?”

You grimaced. “Nothing at all,”

She hummed. “So you’re not in any pain at all?”

“Nope,” You breathed out, the p the only clear part of the word.

“Y/n,” She sighed. “I know you have an… aversion to admitting when you’re not… at the top of your game, but pushing yourself isn’t going to help anything. You don’t have anything to prove here,”

You ran a hand through your hair and rolled your eyes dramatically at her. She chuckled at the action.

“There are only 3 more shows,” You said. “I can make it 3 more shows,”

“And how would Alessia feel if she knew you were going to put your comfort aside for 3 more shows?” Natasha asked softly. “And not just your comfort, your health. You sound like shit,”

You huffed at the mention of your girlfriend, your fingers instinctively finding the braided bracelet that never left your wrist.

You knew how she would feel. You could practically hear what she would say. I expect you to take care of the things that belong to me. I expect you to treat them with respect and give them the love and care they deserve.

“I’ve got it all under control,” You rasped, wincing at the action.

It was Natasha’s turn to roll her eyes. “Sure you do. Since you have it all under control, you’ll stop ignoring your girlfriend,” She pulled the device out of her back pocket and balanced it on top of your knees. “She’s been blowing up your phone all day. I think she’s worried,”

You stared at the phone, and as if on cue, it buzzed again with a new message.

Alessia was going to be furious with you, and your daddy would be on another level entirely.

She was usually the one to take the reigns when you were set on driving yourself into oblivion for the benefit of everyone else. But she wasn’t here.

You sighed heavily.

You knew that if you told her, she would drop everything. She would move heaven and earth if that was what you needed.

You didn’t want that.

She needed to focus on her game, and that meant that you couldn’t be a distraction. You would not disappoint her. Not when you were so close to finishing.

“She needs to focus,” You mumbled, your voice straining. “She’s gotta impress Sarina to make the team. It’s important,”

“I think you forget that you are also important,” Natasha argued back softly, patting your back before carefully pushing herself to her feet. “I’m going to have Pepper cancel the meet and greet. You’re in no shape to meet fans. I should also have her call a doctor, but I already know you’ll fight me on it,”

You frowned. You never sold meet and greet tickets, choosing to instead have your team select fans at each show.

“But-“

She held up her hand before you could argue. “That isn’t up for debate. Get rest tonight, and we’ll assess tomorrow in the morning.”

Your jaw clenched, but you nodded, knowing there was no arguing with her.

“I know the world thinks you’re superhuman, but it’s ok not to be indestructible,” She said, softly. “You need to remember to be Clarke Kent sometimes too. There’s a reason Lois fell in love with him first,”

With that, she walked away, leaving you alone with your thoughts.

The silence of the empty hallway wasn’t as welcoming as it had been. It didn’t quiet your thoughts like it had.

Instead, it felt suffocating. Like the walls were closing in on you, trapping you in your misery.

You sighed another painful breath, before you grabbed your phone, reading the top notification, longing not to feel so…alone.

Hey babe, caught the end of your show on a random livestream. Are we still on for our FaceTime tonight?

You let your head fall back, thumping the wall.

Everything in you longed to say yes.

But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t.

It was still nice to fantasize about seeing her. About hearing her say ‘Hello my little one,’ with a soft smile that brought out her dimples. If you closed your eyes you could almost feel the pressure of her fingers on the back of your neck, running through the baby hairs that lived there. ‘I’m here, and I’ve got you,’

You let your mind linger there for a long second before you forced your eyes back open.

It took you three tries to type out your reply: sorry darling, I’m super tired. Rain check?

And you paused, your trembling finger over the send button, knowing you shouldn’t send it, but hitting the little blue arrow anyway.

It was awful but necessary.

You let out another long, ragged breath before you forced yourself to your feet and shoved your phone into your pocket, so you didn’t have to see her reply. You leaned heavily on the wall, no longer enjoying how it sucked the warmth from your skin, but using it to stay upright as the entire hallway tilted to the side.

You should go back to your dressing room before Steve sent out a search party. Dealing with Nat was one thing, dealing with the overprotective instincts of Steve, Clint, and Thor was another.

You didn’t have the mental capacity for that, and maybe your dressing room couldn’t make you feel like there was a rope on your lungs, dragging out your soul.

*****

You were not particular about a lot of things when you were on tour. You didn’t care about the size of your hotel room or the cars you were shuttled around in. You didn’t request overly expensive foods or special bubbly waters.

The only thing on your rider that you were very specific about was your dressing room.

It was your sanctuary away from the noise. A place you would spend more time in than your hotel room.

It was important to you that it was always the same. Lit with twinkling fairy lights, the comfy gray couch that followed you on every tour stop standing near the table with your kettle and vocal steamer, and a diffuser already filling the room with the soft scent of lavender and honey.

It filled your lungs the second you stepped through the door, wiping away the burning ache that accompanied every breath for just a second. Reminding you for one fleeting moment of the honeysuckle of Alessia’s favorite shampoo (the reason she picked the essential oil blend to begin with), before the knives returned to your chest.

You rubbed your knuckles over your sternum to quell the feeling, stumbling over to the couch and collapsing into it.

You pressed your nose into the soft gray material, wishing that you had grabbed the bright red sweatshirt you stole from your girlfriend when you last saw her. The smell of her perfume was beginning to fade, but it wasn’t gone yet, and there was a distinct longing in your stomach to be close to her. Even if you were the reason there was any space to begin with.

You could hear your kettle bubbling next to you, and you knew you should make yourself some tea to soothe the sharp edges in your windpipe, but the thought of moving felt like too much.

Instead, you sunk into the couch, your arm dangling off the cushion, your fingers brushing the ugly red carpet.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket, and you didn’t have to look to know who was texting you. Still, the urge to see what she would say was too great for you to ignore it.

It took all of your strength to move your heavy arm to your pocket and pull out your phone. Your fingers fumbled over the screen as you squinted at the device with the eye not pressed into the couch.

The light made the throbbing in your head worse, and the words written on the screen made your lungs constrict.

Ok, my love. Are you sure everything is alright? This is the 3rd time this week.

You could almost hear the worry in her voice. See the suspicion in her blue eyes.

They never failed to see through you. To strip away your exterior and leave you vulnerable and raw beneath them. It never made you feel exposed, even in the beginning when the two of you decided to extend your dynamic beyond your bedroom. Instead, you felt seen and safe.

Sometimes she liked to have to work for your submission. She liked to peel away each layer of you one by one until you were a trembling mess beneath her. Open and vulnerable in a way no one else ever got to see you.

Other times, you gave your submission willingly, stripping off your public persona like a dirty shirt and allowing her to envelop you in her warm comfort.

How much you wanted that. How much you needed it.

It was a desperation that filled your entire being.

Before you could process what you were doing, you had already pressed her contact photo and brought the now-ringing phone to your ear.

You laid the device on the side of your head and let your arm go back to dangling. It was too heavy to hold.

It only rang twice before her voice filled your ears.

“Hey my love,” She said, worry and relief mingling strangely in her tone. “I’m so happy you called me. How are you?”

Her voice washed over you like a soothing wave, like a balm on the sharp edges of your nerves, though it did little to help the fire in your lungs and throat.

You pressed your nose into the couch, pretending that it was her shoulder for just a second. That the honey and lavender surrounding you was her perfume. That she was here.

“Y/n, are you there?” She asked, and you opened your mouth to respond, but the words just wouldn’t come out.

You couldn’t force any sound, beyond a low whistle past your inflamed throat. Your lungs crackled with each breath.

Your inability to make sound didn’t bother you as much as it should have.

“Y/n? Did you butt-dial me?” Alessia asked again, and you could almost feel her running her nails through your hair, gently scratching your scalp. “I’m worried,”

The words were said with too much force, not at all the soft murmur your brain had been waiting to hear.

It shook you out of your haze just enough for you to reach up and grab your phone, clicking the decline button too fast.

You let the phone drop to the floor with a low thump as it immediately began to ring again.

Your fingers twitched above the screen, but you didn’t have the strength to reach for it, even as it lit up again with your girlfriend's contact photo.

Well, it was a photo of the two of you. You were curled up in her lap, in one of her blue UNC sweatshirts that were too big, and she was kissing the side of your head.

It had been taken after a particularly grueling day in the studio. It was Alessia’s turn to host team bonding night. You didn’t remember exactly who took the picture, Leah or Lotte, maybe, but it was one of your favorites.

What the camera didn’t catch was that your arms were not in the sleeves. Instead, they were tied with intricate knots behind your back, hidden by the sweatshirt.

It was something the two of you often did, and it was one of her go-to's when you were starting to spiral out of control.

A part of you longed for the feeling of the knots now, and her fingers twisting the soft rope against your skin.

Sure, the weight of your bracelet was nice, but it wasn’t enough.

You let out a wheezing breath that crackled and hurt.

If you asked, she would be here. She would wrap you up and pull you from your free fall.

It took you a long second to remember why you couldn’t have that.

Alessia had a job to do, and you wouldn’t stand in the way of that.

The phone buzzed again against the ugly carpet, the little voicemail icon flashing. You doubted you would be able to resist calling her back if you listened to it.

Still, you had to do something.

So you flicked the screen with one finger, going to your messages, and typing out words that felt fake, even to you.

Sorry, I’m ok. Just tired. I’ll call you tomorrow after the game. Love you.

You clicked send before you could overthink it though, or your trembling fingers could betray you and type out the truth. You laid your head back down on the couch, curling into yourself as a painful cough forced its way past your lips.

You weren’t sure how long you laid there, shivering before there was a soft knock at the door, and then the little click as it opened.

A part of your brain hoped that it would be Alessia. That she had read your mind and somehow teleported to whatever city you were in.

But the feeling of gentle fingers on the top of your shoulders told you that it wasn’t.

“Y/n?” Natasha asked, very close to your ear, and you blinked up at her.

You didn’t remember closing your eyes.

“Hm?” You hummed, the sound raw and painful.

“Let’s get you changed, and then we can go back to the hotel and you can sleep,” She said, placing a hand under your armpit and guiding you to a sitting position.

The tiny movement had coughs ripping past your lips.

She held you steady with one hand and grabbed you a change of clothes with the other.

“Easy,” She breathed out, carefully unbuttoning your shirt and pulling it from your sweaty skin.

She left you shirtless for a long second as she disappeared into your bathroom, and the cool air of the dressing room felt nice on your overheated skin.

It didn’t bother you. Natasha had seen you in far less clothing than your sports bra and underwear.

She returned only a moment later with a towel, using it to dry you off before she slipped a light blue t-shirt with a foot on the back over your head.

The pants took a little more wiggling, but eventually, she was able to get you out of your costume and into a pair of sweats that were far too big for you.

She slid a pair of Converse onto your feet, scooping up your phone and tucking it into her pocket.

“Let’s get you to the car,” She guided you to stand, keeping an arm wrapped tightly around you.

“People?” You asked, leaning more of your weight onto her as she pulled you towards the door.

You missed her eye roll.

Of course, all you were worried about right now was who would see you, and what they would think.

“Not here,” Natasha reassured you gently, opening the door. “Only when we get back to the hotel,”

You made a low, painful sound as she half-carried you into the hallway.

You still had time before you had to pull yourself together.

******

The city lights blurred into a distorted kaleidoscope of colors during the short ride back to the hotel.

The cool glass felt nice against your temple, though it did little to ease the throb in your head or the lava in your throat.

The feeling of eyes watching you for any wavering in your resolve also wouldn’t go away. You couldn’t be sure if it was worry (that you would puke all over the car or pass out), or concern about what the fans would think when you pulled up to the hotel.

The whirring of the engine wasn’t loud enough to block out your racing thoughts, but any music was too much for you to handle.

You were drowning.

Every breath hurt, but you didn’t know if it was because of the physical pain or the anxiety gnawing at you.

You didn’t like to upset people. You didn’t like to disappoint them.

You were a people pleaser to a fault, and this wasn’t the first time you had self-destructed to meet everyone’s expectations.

But at the end of the day, the person you wanted to please most. The person you wanted to not disappoint the most was Alessia. Was your Daddy.

You knew you were failing, but you didn’t know how to stop.

The car came to a stop in front of the hotel far too quickly, and not for the first time, you were thankful that the dark tint kept you hidden from public view.

“Ready, kid?” Steve asked, turning around in the driver's seat to look at you.

You nodded once, reaching forward and grabbing the sunglasses facing the wrong way on his head, and pulled them over your own eyes.

You took a deep breath before Clint opened your door, painting your signature smile across your features.

You didn’t wave when you got out, too focused on keeping yourself upright, as Steve’sarm wrapped around you on one side and Natasha’s did the same on the other.

You felt safe tucked between them, though they did nothing to shield you from shrill screams and cheers that met you as soon as your feet touched the ground. They amplified the pounding behind your eyes, and the way the crowd pressed around you made it even harder to breathe (not that you thought that was possible).

You did try to flash the crowd smiles as Natasha and Steve guided you through, Clint protecting your back, and you were thankful your eyes were hidden, despite it being nighttime.

You never wanted the fans to see the… fakeness. The lie.

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding when the hotel doors slid closed behind you, placing more of your weight on Steve as Natash called the elevator.

“You’re burning up kid,” Steve murmured, shifting to get a better grip around your waist.

You made a low sound, that turned into a full body caught that nearly had you doubling over. “Is that your way of calling me hot Stevie? What would Tony think?”

The words came out garbled, cracking with every syllable as you tried to talk through the coughs.

Steve’s arm tightened around you to keep you upright.

“I think he would say that you are sick,” Steve sighed at the mention of his husband, your publicist, taking more of your weight as another round of coughs wracked you.

You pushed off of him as soon as you could breathe again, even if it felt like sucking air through a straw filled with needles, and swayed your way toward the elevator.

It binged open as soon as you reached it, and you stumbled inside, gripping the metal bar on the back wall for support, and resting your forehead on the cool wall.

You could feel the heat of your skin leaching into the surface, but it did little to quell the pounding in your ears or the feeling like everything was tipping on its head.

Your fingers instinctively found the braided bracelet, running over the soft leather strands.

However, this time, it didn’t ease the bubbling anxiety and fire in your chest.

“We’re almost there, and then you can rest,” Natasha said softly, and you felt both her and Steve’s eyes on you as you leaned further into the wall.

The movement of the elevator was starting to make you nauseous, but you didn’t think you could voice that even if you wanted to. Not with how raw your throat was.

It took you a second to realize the elevator had stopped, and it wasn’t until Natasha gently touched your shoulder that you began to move again.

You let Steve guide you out of the elevator and into the hallway.

Natasha had the door to your suite open before you even got there, and Steve half-carried you to the bed, settling you on the fluffy white comforter.

Your fingers tangled in the expensive sheets as you fought to keep yourself upright.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Natasha asked you softly, kneeling in front of you and carefully undoing your sneakers.

You shook your head slowly, smothering another cough. “Sweatshirt,”

The croaky word hurt as it left your lips, barely audible and surrounded by more lung-crunching coughs.

But they understood, Steve, passing you a bright red sweatshirt from your bag.

You brought it to your face and collapsed back onto the bed, breathing in the perfume that clung to the material.

It burned as it filled your senses, but you could pretend that it soothed the edges of glass in your throat and lungs. You could pretend that it was her taking off your shoes and tucking you in.

You could pretend that it was all ok and that she wasn’t going to be livid when she found out. Not that you were sick, but that you hadn’t told her immediately.

You knew you would take whatever punishment she decided you deserved with no questions. She could be rather creative when she was annoyed with you.

“Let’s get you settled properly,” Natasha said, shifting you on the bed so your head was on the pillows, as Steve moved the covers and tucked them around you. “Rest now, and we’ll deal with the rest in the morning,”

You groaned, sending more flames down your airway, rolling over and pressing your face more firmly into the sweatshirt.

You heard the distinctive sound of your phone being plugged in, and the click of the door.

And then you were alone.

More alone than you had been in a very long time.

Even if it was all your own doing, you hadn’t been this disconnected since the beginning of Alessia’s college career, and your first tour with Taylor. The infamous break in your relationship. Even though neither of you had actually experimented with anyone else, and you had texted and called nonstop, you had been hesitant to push too far, to ask for too much.

You blew out a long breath into her sweatshirt, ignoring the little needles that followed the air, eyes fixed on the phone on your bedside.

It buzzed again as if it knew you were thinking about it.

You reached your hand out, pulling it close so you could look at it, but it was still plugged in.

The movement had the screen lighting up with a string of messages. The one at the top made your heart hurt.

Please don’t ignore me, my Little One. I’m worried.

It said, and you could almost hear the inflection in her tone. You could almost see her eyes softening, and feel her fingers brushing your hair behind your ear.

You closed your eyes, pressing more deeply into the sweatshirt under your head.

Your fantasy world was far nicer than the reality you were in, and the universe wouldn’t end if you stayed in it until morning.

********

Your night was… hazy, filled with half-dreams that were increasingly difficult to distinguish from real life. As the morning light crept its way further and further across the ceiling, you leaned into the sweatshirt slowly losing its smell, one eye peeking out to track its progress.

It felt like a timer. A countdown clock on the imagined feelings of soothing hands on your back and whispered reassurance that everything would be okay.

Soon enough the door would open and you would have to be you again. You would have to pretend like each breath you took didn’t feel like a bear was mauling your lungs, and your brain wasn’t a freight train threatening to escape from your skull.

You would have to deal with the incessant buzzing of your phone that had kept you on the edge of real sleep all night.

You would have to face your girlfriend. Your daddy.

You were not looking forward to it. Any of it.

The only thing that you were semi-excited about was watching your girlfriend play, even through a screen. That had been your only saving grace back when she was in college before the two of you got back together, and you knew it would be your only saving grace now.

You sighed, rolling over, the sweatshirt falling from its bunched-up place against your cheek, and reaching for the phone still on the corner of the bed next to you.

It buzzed again as your fingers caught it, and brought it closer so you could see the screen. It was filled with notifications.

Some were from the group thread you shared with your manager, assistant, and publicist. Some were emails from people you were collaborating with.

But the majority were from Alessia.

You couldn’t help but click on the thread.

You knew it was a mistake immediately.

Good morning little one. I’ll have some time if you want to FaceTime before the game. I miss you, and I’m worried. You don’t usually ignore me.

It was like an arrow straight through your heart.

A direct hit to your will.

You swallowed hard, ignoring how badly it burned, and typed out a message.

I miss you too. Good luck today. You’re going to do amazing

You dropped your phone after you hit send, deciding that finding the starting 11 wasn’t important anymore, and stared up at the ceiling through half-lidded eyes, pulling the comforter more tightly around you despite the sweat breaking out across your chest.

You thought it would help the hollow feeling slowly taking over your insides, or the dull throb that accompanied each breath.

It did not.

You let your eyes slide back closed, deciding that the light hadn’t transversed far enough across the ceiling for you to need to be awake yet. Not when the pull of sleep was so strong, and the comfort of your half dreams was too difficult to resist.

“You know I don't like it when you hide from me,” Alessia’s voice said sternly, as though it was right next to your ear, and you felt fingertips graze your lips.

You didn’t open your eyes. Even amongst the haze that was filling every crack in your brain, you knew she wasn't here. She couldn’t be here. Not when she was back in London about to play some team you couldn’t remember.

“I know,” You rasped out.

The fingers gently pulled at your bottom lip before they circled back towards your cheek, and a thumb brushed across your closed eyelid.

“And you’re still doing it?” She asked, and you felt the air of each word on your ear.

You shook your head, turning it slightly, hoping to feel her nose bump hers. “You need to focus on the important things,”

You didn’t come into contact with her, though you knew you should have with the way you shifted.

“And you are not important to me?” She asked her voice hardening in the way it only did when you were about to receive a punishment.

An involuntary shiver ran down your spine, and your eyes opened automatically.

You sucked in a painful breath, blinking blearily at the face above you.

“I didn’t mean to startle you,” Natasha said quietly, even as your eyes darted around, searching for your girlfriend. “It’s 1, so you need to wake up so we can make a decision about tonight,”

“Less?” You asked, your voice barely a whisper when you saw that Natasha was the only other person in the room with you.

Natasha frowned, brushing your hair away from your forehead. “She’s in London, remember? The game against Luxembourg starts soon,”

Your eyebrows pulled tightly together. You hadn’t remembered that they were playing Luxembourg.

“She’s starting?”

“No,” Natasha shook her head. “It’s mostly the young ones starting since the over-under is plus 20 for England,”

Your nose scrunched, and you forced yourself to sit up. “She has to play,”

None of this would be worth it if she never touched the field.

“I think Serina is using this as more of an identification camp,” Natasha countered, stepping in to help you sit up. “The girls need rest after doing both the Champions League and regular play these last couple of weeks,”

You grunted though it sounded more like a pained wheeze than a grunt.

Alessia’s schedule had been nearly as insane as your own for the past few months. It was part of the reason you were so… reluctant to bother her with something as trivial as a tickle in your throat.

“Maybe you should take a page out of her book,” Natasha added.

Your nostrils flared immediately at the implication.

Your job was so much less physical than Alessia’s. You didn’t do anything to deserve rest like she did.

The pressure you both face to perform was inherently different.

She didn’t let down millions of people every time she rode the bench. She wouldn’t crush the dreams of thousands of people if she didn’t take the pitch.

But still, you could already hear her argument ringing in your head.

I expect you to care for the things that belong to me as deeply and completely as I do. That includes yourself. Your needs matter, and I will not allow you to disregard them.

“No.” You rasped, none of the bite you meant appearing in the word.

“Yes,” Natasha countered, shifting the pillows behind you before you leaned back. “There is no way you can perform tonight,”

You huffed, and crossed your arms, glaring at the city beyond the large window to the right of the bed. “People paid-“

“To hear you sing. Not hack your way through a set,” Natasha cut you off. “They’ll be more disappointed if you give them a show that’s not your best. Reschedule the last 3, so they’re worth what they paid,”

Your glare only deepened, and your eyebrows pulled very tightly together as you processed what she was saying (taking a few extra minutes to cut through the thick fog in your brain).

You knew she was playing on your sensibility. You thought ticket prices were disgusting, and had fought to lower them as much as you could. You had made your show longer in retaliation, so the fans got what they paid for.

You wouldn’t give them a sub-par show.

You didn’t look at her but nodded once.

“I’ll have Tony write a statement. Do you want to approve it before it goes out?” She asked, her voice gentle.

You shook your head, your lips pursing.

“We’ll release it then, and I’ll call a doctor so we can get you some real medication,” The redhead continued, ignoring the deep frown pulling at your features.

It wasn’t that you were trying to be difficult. You just knew what would happen the second the people staked outside of your hotel caught sight of a doctor.

But now you felt like you didn’t have a choice, and not in the fun way.

“Fine,” You muttered, a hacking cough following it.

Natasha patted your back until the coughing stopped, and you relaxed back against the pillows. “I’ll take care of everything. I’ll have food sent up, you just watch the game and try to get more sleep before the doctor gets here,”

You huffed but didn’t protest as she tucked the blanket tighter around your torso.

“I know you’re unhappy with all of this, but it is what it is, and we need to look after your health too,” She sighed, turning and bustling around the room, flipping on the television to the game and grabbing a mug you hadn't noticed from the dresser by the door. “Drink that, and I’ll be back in a bit,”

You didn’t respond as she placed the mug on the table beside you, and disappeared through the hotel room door with a soft click.

You wanted to groan. To yell. To throw the mug across the room, but you knew it wouldn’t help.

The other part of you wanted your guitar, not that you were sure your fingers were strong enough right now to actually play.

You closed your eyes, tilting your head back on the pillows.

It wasn’t long before you felt fingers in your hair, though you hadn’t heard the door open again.

You instantly knew who it was, though her perfume was suspiciously missing.

“You look like you got hit by a bus,” She murmured, her breath brushing across your nose.

Your eyes fluttered open, meeting her blue, except it was two shades darker than you remembered, the same shade as the old UNC jersey she was wearing.

“I’m fine,” You croaked, the sound pulling a hacking cough from your lungs that burned as it left you.

“Ah yes, because you sound just fine,” She huffed, her nails scratching lazily at your scalp. “You don’t need to hide from me,”

You blinked slowly, and her form shimmered slightly beside you. “‘M not. ‘M right here,”

“Rule one is honesty for a reason,” She countered, her hand pausing. “You’ve not abided by that.”

You swallowed around the glass in your throat at the confirmation of what you already knew, and your eyes closed again as the heavy weight of it settled on your mind.

You had broken the most sacred rule and you were in trouble. It wouldn’t just be a punishment you would have to take. It would be regaining her trust that would take the longest time.

It was a fragile thing, and you had shattered it.

You forced your eyes open again, determined to say something- anything- that would make it better, except when you did, she was gone.

You blinked heavily at the empty bed beside you. The space she had been seconds ago.

You wanted to shake your head, but with the freight train pounding in your skull, you knew that was a terrible idea.

“This is a very different starting eleven for England, but it’s what we expected. The only change of note is that Alessia Russo is unavailable for this game.”

Your eyebrows furrowed at the television, flashing the starting lineup for the game.

Natasha said Alessia wasn’t starting, but you expected her to at least be on the bench.

You closed your eyes and let your head fall back.

What was the point of suffering alone if Alessia wasn’t even going to play?

You weren’t sure anymore.

******

“I’ve got her,”

You stirred at the familiar voice, and the feeling of gentle fingers running through your hair and the bed shifting next to you. The scent of lavender and honey wrapped around you like a comforting blanket, pulling you closer to consciousness.

Your eyebrows pulled tightly together before your eyes flickered open, meeting the familiar blue of your girlfriend.

“Hey there,” She said softly, her thumb smoothing out the crease between your eyebrows. “How are you feeling?”

You opened your mouth, but nothing but a low hacking cough came out.

“Easy, little one,” Alessia shushed you softly. “Just relax. I’m here, and I’ll take care of you now, ok?”

It was painful how real she felt. Painful how much you wanted to believe she was here with you.

“Trouble,” You mumbled, coughing violently afterward, unable to stop yourself from leaning into her hand.

“I think we should make it your middle name since you seem to find it so often,” She murmured, running her hand again through your hair. “But no. You’re not in trouble. Not right now,”

You made a low, wheezing sound, shaking your head, despite the waves of nausea it sent to your stomach. “Real daddy disagrees,”

She frowned. “Real daddy?”

You swallowed hard, forcing words past your stolen vocal cords. “Not here. In Luxembourg. Won’t fool me again,”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” She said, her nails dragging against your scalp in the way she knew you loved. “Natasha called me last night, and I got on the flight as soon as I could,”

It took a few extra seconds for her words to filter through the unpleasant haze in your brain. Even then, they didn’t make sense.

Hell, her entire demeanor, including the softness in her features as she looked at you, didn’t make sense.

You explicitly told Natasha not to call her, and you couldn’t process her going against that request. Not when Alessia had a game to play.

“My brain is making you up,” You wheezed after another long second.

She breathed out a half chuckle. “While your brain is brilliant, I wasn’t conjured by it,”

You made a low, husky sound that could only be incredulity.

Her thumb again smoothed the space between your eyebrows. “What will it take for you to believe you’re awake?”

You blinked heavily at her, your shoulders lifting and falling.

She shook her head. “You’re too much,”

“No,” You mumbled, the crease between your eyebrows pushing against her finger. “‘M a good girl,”

“Yes. You are always my good girl, even when you’re being a stubborn pain in the ass,” She agreed fondly, leaning down to press a kiss to your too-warm forehead. “Sleep. I’ll be here where you wake up, and maybe you’ll actually believe you’re not dreaming,”

“Promise?” you asked. Sounding small, as exhaustion pulled at you.

She hummed. “I promise,”

Her fingers kept their soft rhythm in your hair as your eyes fluttered closed, and you shifted to press your nose into her shoulder, breathing in her perfume with each rattling intake from your lungs. It surrounded you, soothing the burning in your chest, and soothing the sharp edges in your throat.

For the first time since the lingering tickle started, you actually felt at peace. You felt calm enough to let yourself truly relax.

It would suck when you woke up and Alessia was gone, but doing anything other than allowing your mind to linger in this delusion felt unbearable.

Instead, you allowed yourself to sink into the overwhelming pull of exhaustion.

And you swore you heard an “always,” before sleep pulled you under.

Even if this alessia didn’t turn out to be real, you trusted her. And as angry as you wanted to be at Natasha and Steve for calling her, you knew she was exactly what you needed.

She always would be, even if she was just made up in your mind.

#woso x reader #woso imagines #alessia russo x reader #alessia russo imagine #safe harbor universe #woso imagine

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igotanidea · 2 days ago

Text

The talk : Dick Grayson X reader ( with Bruce Wayne)

A/n : it's a snippet, I might consider writing it fully

Warning: suggestive but not explicit

Summary: it's time for the bees and bird talk with Dick

***

Bruce walking in on a young adult! Dick and his girlfriend y/n getting cosy between the sheets.

Obviously, as a normally functioning adult and a father, even if just a foster one, the batman takes it upon himself to have a talk about bees and birds with his favourite son.

He got it all planned out, schemed, thought out to avoid surprises and misunderstandings.

He actually had the contingency plans from A to Z drafted for a while, only hoping that those would never come to use.

Unfortunately, seeing y/n, with her blouse undone, hair a mess and Dick's hands (and apparently more) on her, forces Bruce to retreat to hide the blush creeping on. The last piece of his dignity is gone and he is pretty sure there's no good way to recover from such a failure.

He had reached the ultimate botttom.

"Hey B, you good?" Hours later Dick found him in the batcave, engrossed in some feigned, quickly fixed work. It was too easy to figure he would hide there to avoid seeing or - god forbid - hear anything.

"Hm."

"You wanted to talk to me about something, didn't you?" He grinned, delighting in a way Bruce seemed to develop an eye twich.

"Hm".

"Great. I got some time before I get back to y/n, so?"

"Get back?" Bruce turned to face his son and immediately regretted it. He seriously wished to erase the sight of lipstick and love bites on his neck.

"Something wrong?" Once more dick flashed a smile, trying to force a reaction out of Bruce.

"hm."

"we're being safe"

"Amazing"

"and she's okay with it"

"Great"

"And I've studied female anatomy so I know a thing or two about --"

Oh dear lord...

"Dick." Bruce was an inch from having a spasm. How ironic it would turn out to be if gotham lost its protector because of certain golden boy growing up.

"hey did you know that --"

"Get out, Dick."

"But I thought you wanted to--"

"I said get out"

"-talk?"

"I believe you got it all wrong. It was Alfred. Yes. Alfred wanted to talk to you. Not me."

"You sure about it B? You want me to talk to Alfred about -"

"yes. Absolutely. Now go. I'm sure time is of essence"

"it is. Though Alfred took some time off, thanks to your generosity, Bruce. So I'll go, sure, but I've already got so many questions that I don't want to search online and--"

"Dick?" Y/n voice sounded dangerously close to the batcave entrance "Where are you? I'm gonna have to go soon and I need a proper goodbye --"

"coming!!!" Dick yelled rushing off the room " great talk, Bruce. We'll continue it later."

Dick left and Bruce was finally able to let out a groan. The masterplanner forgot to acknowledge the fact that sweet kids tend to turn into feral, hormonal young adults and require actual upbringing.

***

"you're so mean to him, you know that?" Y/m muttered, once again with his lips on hers

"mean? Who, me? Ouch! You're hurting my heart here princess."

"you are. He could easily be a DILF, yet is alone and you're tormenting him."

"but if you saw the look on his face --"

"you're only proving my point of you being mean".

"I'm sure he'll get some, some day--"

"but still- mmm!"

"I remind you that you enabled the plan baby.... Played quite an important part in it." Dick started kissing her a little harder, not even trying to hide where he was heading. "Wonder why that is..."

"cause you're also a -- ohh!"

"you were saying?" He smirked, looking up at her.

"-prick"

"Am I?" His hands moved where she liked it "what else?"

"liar..." She gasped. While it was true he didn't tell her why he invited her over and that his father was in, his movements were serving as a pretty good apology.

Even if knowing Dick it was obviously also a way to boost his ego and prove his point and complete his twisted and deranged plan.

"you know what, I've already had one talk, I don't really need another.... Rather keep my lips occupied with something else --"

***

Bruce came out of the batcave only after making sure it was safe.

Mentally cursing himself for having not one, but four boys under his care.

Which meant that this - whatever it was-- was about to happen again.

#Dick Grayson x reader #nightwing x reader #dick grayson smut #nightwing smut #dick grayson x you #nightwing x you

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d-oie · 21 hours ago

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Hi guys, it's come to my attention that someone in the moodboard community known as lil-liaa has been copying / taking heavy "inspo" from other creators like @y-unjins and @iluvrei view more for more info + evidence + my opinions on the whole situation

before i start, i'm not trying to run lil-liaa off the platform nor am i trying to stur up drama, this is just to bring light to the situation as not many people know and many people (including myself) defended her when this first happened, i also want liia to realize that what she's doing isn't right and that she shouldn't just brush off "accusations" like these when there is evidence.

proofs

you can see the similarities as lil-liaa used 3 of the exact same pics as iluvrei's including one edited by the original creator without adding credits to the post.

2nd

here you can instantly tell that the moodboard was copied (lil-liaas on the right being an exact replica of y-unjins), only changing 2 pics excluding the idol change and

3rd / last

lastly, you can see how one lia used the exact same divider (+ didnt give creds), two she uses the same images not only in the moodboard but also in her gif (same pics from y-unjins moodboard including the png)

now, lil-liaa was sent multiple anonymous ask from last year and one recently accusing her of stealing moodboards, although a lot of people defended her last year including me due to the ask having no sorts of proof of moodboards being stolen and no one else speaking on it but now the recent ask she has received included proof and her response to it was very (in my opinion) rude and just sounded like she didn't care.

in my opinion, i don't believe this was just a draft she had premade and i don't believe she somehow got the same exact photos from y-unjins moodboard recommended, i believe since this isnt the first accusation and now there's proof of this i believe she has been copying moodboards since last year when she was accused. i don't believe lil-liaa cares about this, the fact she's stealing from other creators and when she gets called out for it she pushes it off with the same excuses

tags

@miujo @rkkuri @lvioung @ciestial @aeraras @sugarish @gyareii @i-kyujin @daddldee @i-mmaculatus @haerinism @chaeryeos @bloomqi @h-yeoni @p-oisn @bitchey @yeritos @yonkiibums @y-vna @y-urios @fairytopea @shuaver @yeoniis

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rogueandflame · 2 days ago

Text

The Twins and One

So here is an idea for a fic that I shared with an incredible writer and mutual, @aeralux. (She will be waking up to 100 notifications but oh well.) I wanted to share it with you, and get your opinion on whether I should start writing. Please know that I have not written in years, and that this is a very, very rough draft. This dialogue came to me while I was driving. This is not done, and will be expanded on either by me or Aera.

Update (1/8/2025): Check out the final version HERE!

cregan stark x wife!reader x FraternalTwin!jace

Warnings: A little more than suggestive, targcest, cuckholding, impending threesome.

MDNI!!!

🤍

it was the hour of the wolf. Jace walks the cold halls of winterfell, missing the warmth of the south, and the warmth of his family. he is wrapped in a borrowed wolf fur coat, from cregan, and it is about two sizes too large for him. his sword rests at his hip, and he holds the hilt as a sort of reassurance.

his mind is racing with thoughts of war and thoughts of you. for the first time in his life, he has spent more than a moon's turn from his beloved twin sister. it had been six months since jace had escorted you north for your wedding to cregan. he knew this day would come someday, but he did not think it would be so shortly after your twentieth nameday. cregan stark is a good man, and is one of the crown's closest allies. jace and cregan were like brothers, but he could not help to think that he should have been your husband instead.

growing up, you always explored each other's bodies. you came into the world as one, and were practically attached at the hip. "one soul, two bodies," became a pointed remark at the red keep, meant to call out how often you were found at each other's side, but you and jace embraced it. it was true. you were his confidant, his sister, the more brazen flame compared to his tempered one. you were his lover.

as he walks, his thoughts run wild over the last time he saw you in front of him. the curve of your breasts complimenting the curve of your waist. your hair not a rich brown like his, but the same as your mother's - as pale as the moon on its fullest night. your eyes the palest purple seen in the family, reflecting your undeniable heritage.

you were his and he was yours.

he is snapped back into reality as he passes your chambers, noises coming from within them. weary and restless, jace pushes the thick door swiftly open, fully expecting you to be struggling with a dangerous man for your life. without a second thought, and before the situation is fully realized, he unsheaths his sword, ready to defend you from whoever could be harming you. and then there you are. while you are admist a struggle with a dangerous man, it is not for your life.

cregan looks up at the interruption, but seems unphased. his large body is over yours, his palms next to your head as he prepares to thrust into you. you tilt your head back towards the door, the world upside down.

"Jace?" you murmur. Cregan sits back on his knees, not bothering to cover you or himself up.

"Are you going to stand there like a frail pup or are you going to join us?" Cregan asked, and your eyes shot up to him. before you could say anything, cregan continued. "Your dear sister told me about what it was like growing up with you." You blush heavily. "Targaryens and their queer customs. But tradition is tradition. And us northmen are big on tradition."

Jace stands there, mouth wide open, not sure what to say.

"Jace, if you are going to stand and watch, could you at least shut the door?" Jace scurries to shut the door and put his sword back, clearly still shocked at the situation he has found himself in.

"Come, my young prince," cregan says as he gets up, "i want to see how you pleasured her in the south. She is always saying how much she misses you."

You roll over to your stomach as Cregan walks over to clap a hand on Jace's shoulder.

"My dear brother, I do not think I have ever seen you so speechless." you tease.

Jace looks at you, and then Cregan, and then back to you.

"Are you sure?" he looks more nervous than he did the day he claimed Vermax.

"It'll be just like old times, brother. You always did have your way with me, it will just include my other favorite man this time." you purr.

You push yourself off the bed, and walk over to where Cregan and Jace are standing. You are just as naked as you were the day you were born, and you know this is his favorite way to see you. You stroke his cheek and breathily kiss his neck. Your hands roam, pushing off his cloak in one motion and beginning to unbutton his tunic. Cregan retreats to the foot of the bed to watch. You smile against Jace's neck as he begins to relax, and you move his hands to the small of your back.

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wemalyri · 2 days ago

Note

could you do enhypen reaction to ur self harm ?? I loved ur last post

pairing: hyungline!enhypen × gn!reader genre: angst, hurt/comfort warnings: feeling guilty, obv self-harm, brief description of negative feelings and thoughts + personal tw for each member w/c: 640+ a/n: thank you for your request!! sorry that it took me SO long(( (it's been in my drafts since august just so yk :/)e also I did only hyung line I hope you don't mind. I tried to mention and describe different reasons and situations. some members include sad endings and feeling of hopelessness. I know that if you're deep down in this even words of your loved ones might not help. if you have this problem pls remember that you're not alone( take care of yourself properly! also sunghoon one is kinds crazy, sorry for that !!! likes and reposts are welcomed !!!

Heeseung

tw: comparison to others, jealousy, toxic perfectionism

You hadn’t seen each other for a few months. The reason of it was Heeseung’s job. No matter how much he wanted to, he couldn’t stay with you all of the time. Three months of tour felt like eternity. However, it was finally over and now you could see each other again. Heeseung promised you to come over as soon as possible but you didn’t expect him to do it so fast. Forgetting yourself, you ran to the front door and opened it with a bright smile. Heeseung immediately hugged you, holding you tight. His hand held your head, burying your face in his chest. “Gosh I missed you so much…” He inhaled your scent with a loud sound. “You smell like home.”

You playfully giggled and pecked his lips, looking at him. He pulled away to explore your appearance with a smile, but it immediately faded as his gaze fixed on your thighs. “Y/n…” He whispered with fear, not believing his own eyes.

Upper side of your legs were covered in scars, recent ones. You absolutely forgot to cover them, too excited to meet your boyfriend.

Yes, Heeseung was perfect for you but that only made your self-esteem worse. You always thought he was too good for you, you never were on the same level. Heeseung wasn’t just an idol, he was a goddamn ‘ace’. Perfect at everything, you never noticed his bad habits, selfish thoughts or actions. He was like an angel fallen from heaven, someone who would never match you. This is what you thought. And when he left on tour you knew he wouldn’t be able to control or see new scars if you left them. Every time you got jealous, you would blame yourself for this feeling, making your mental statement even worse. Negative feelings were too much to handle but you were too embarrassed and ashamed to share them with Heeseung, knowing pretty well that even his sweetest words wouldn’t help you. This is how you found a way to express everything you felt, punishing yourself for not being flawless.

Your eyes looked down, searching for a reason of Heeseung’s worried expression. When you saw your scars, you felt ashamed and guilty.

“It’s nothing.” you answered, trying to sound casual.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.” Heeseung’s tone of voice was serious. It felt like you had never seen him with such an expression. His eyes met yours and you could see a deep worry and hurt in them. “Why have you done that?..”

You felt guilty. You didn’t want to hurt him with your words but you didn’t want to lie to him at the same time. “I…didn’t feel well.” The reason you named sounded so stupid that a sense of shame washed over you.

Heeseung’s expression didn’t change. It seemed like your words didn’t convince him at all. “You could call me… text me… anything but not that.”

“I didn’t want to bother you. You have a busy schedule, I don’t want to wear you out even more.”

“Y/n… It wouldn’t hurt me as much as this.” You went silent for a second, biting your lip.

“I didn’t want to complain to you, okay?” It felt like you didn’t understand each other at all.

“Baby, that’s not complaining when you tell me about your feelings. That’s normal. I’m your boyfriend, you don’t trust me enough to share your thoughts?” You didn’t say anything as tears welled up in your eyes. Heeseung immediately stepped closer, pulling you to him. Your hands wrapped around his waist, holding onto him as the last hope. He pecked your head, whispering. “Tell me when you don’t feel well next time, okay?” You slightly nodded, thinking that maybe it will help you to go through this. At least, you decided to give it a try.

Jay

tw: ED, fatshaming (reader to themselves)

Jay is the best cook you've ever known and everyone always says that they're jealous of your luck. Your boyfriend cooks for you everyday, he never fails to make sure you're eating well even when he's tired. However, for you personally this obsession with good meals never was for the best. Your relationship with your body never was the simplest one and even though Jay and you dated for a while, you managed to hide it from him. However, at the last time something went wrong and your boyfriend started noticing what attitude you actually had to food.

One day you were having a meal at your apartment and of course Jay cooked. Again. Sitting next to your boyfriend, you were picking at food.

“Is something wrong? You don't like it?” Jay asked, looking at you through his eyelashes with concern.

“No, everything's fine. Just not hungry.” You managed to say, trying to sound casual. Jay's eyebrows frowned and he pulled chopsticks away.

“Are you sure? You haven't been eating well lately.” This question suddenly made you annoyed. You didn't want someone to talk about your eating problems, so you tried to change the topic.

“Just not hungry.” The same words left your mouth and it made Jay confused even more. Something definitely was wrong and he just couldn't understand what exactly.

“Y/n, I know something is wrong. Don't try to hide it from me.” Jay's tone was serious and it only irritated you even more.

“I said I was fine!” You striked the table, that made your sleeves of shirt roll up and show off your scars. Jay looked at your wrists and his sight immediately catched those parts of skin you were hiding from him. Fresh scars were relieved for his eyes, blooming on your hands.

“Y/n, your hands…” Jay spoke quietly in disbelief. Your eyes immediately widened in realization. He saw them.

You rolled down your sleeves, hiding marks of the hatred to your body, eyes looking down.

“How long ago did you make it?” Jay asked seriously, clenching his fists. He didn't hear an answer from you. “Why?..” For a minute that you were staying silent, a lot of different thoughts ran through his head. Weren’t you happy with him? Was he a bad boyfriend? Why did you hide it?

“Jay, it's not your fault.” His flaw of thoughts was ruined by your quiet voice. “It's just… me.”

He absolutely didn't understand. His eyes looked into yours with desire for more explanation. He was begging you to talk about it.

“I-I don't like myself. My body. And I feel even worse every time you try to feed me. I'm fat. I can't let myself eat that much.”

Of course, he was so stupid all of this time. You had always been eating purely. Once he even noticed you judgingly looking at yourself in the mirror. And he did nothing.

“Gosh, I'm so stupid…” Jay hid his face in his hands, rubbing the forehead, trying not to bunch his head under the table.

“No, you're not. I never talked about it. You were just being a good caring boyfriend.” You saw how awful he felt and it made you feel guilty.

He quickly stood up from his place and you could see his watered eyes, when he slipped his hands away from his face. He approached you, gently pulling your wrist to the side to examine you. “Did you hurt yourself anywhere else? Are there any more scars?”

“No, Jay.” You settled him down with your voice but he didn’t seem to believe you. “Really. That’s all.”

Jay slightly sighed, closing his eyes. “Listen, I’m sorry.” You stood up and placed your hand on his shoulder, feeling even more guilty.

“You shouldn’t apologize to me. You should apologize to yourself.” Jay looked mad but this expression on his face was actually hiding his concern. He looked at you and was met with your sad puppy eyes that made him want to hug you. His hands pulled you to him and he pressed his lips to your head.

“I know…” You mumbled into his chest. “I just can't. I don't want to.”

“Baby… do you hate yourself that much?” Jay asked looking into your eyes when he lifted your chin up. Your eyes watered, giving him a clear answer. “I'm sorry…” He whispered. “I'll make sure you'll love yourself.”

You slightly shook your head in resistance but didn't say anything, ran out of energy. Jay patted your head, kissing your forehead, and while looking into his eyes full of love you thought that maybe he will keep his words.

Jake

tw: reader can’t express their feelings, bad experience in sharing problems

Jake always was clingy towards you but it never was the problem. His hands almost always were wrapped around you, no matter if you were in public or not, you would feel his touch on your back or shoulder.

One day you had a movie-night and Jake was clinging onto you as usual. Wrapping hands around you, laying his head on your thighs, caressing your skin, he almost touched your recent scars that were covering your shoulder. Everytime Jake moved or shivered you would slightly flinch, avoiding contact between his hands and your scars under the shirt.

Suddenly, your boyfriend pulled away from your thighs, holding onto your shoulder and you immediately gasped. “Ouch!”

Jake looked at you with worried eyes, pulling his hand away and holding it in the air. “Sorry! Did I grip too hard?”

You sighed, looking at him. “Yeah, a bit harsh. But it's okay.” Jake's gaze switched to your shoulder, covered with a shirt. He slightly pulled your sleeve up. “I'm sorry… There might be a bruise now. Let me look.” You immediately flinched from him. He didn't have to know about your scars.

“No, it's okay.” Jake's eyes switched to your face with worry.

“Baby, I'll just look…” He gently placed his hand on yours and you looked away, giving up. You knew he wouldn't leave you alone. Insisting would only cause more questions.

Jake's fingers slowly pulled your sleeve up and his eyes widened. “Baby… what is that?..” Now he could see your recent scars that were blooming on your skin.

There wasn't a certain reason why you did that. Sometimes negative feelings were too much to cope with and you, the person who had never been learnt how to take care of yourself and let your emotions out, would express everything, hurting yourself. You knew it was wrong but the thought of sharing your feelings with someone was too strange. Of course, you had tried. But it always ended the same. People would say you complain a lot and you would shut up, regretting letting out true feelings. But this time it was Jake. Jake who was your boyfriend, Jake who would never let himself hurt you.

Your eyes watered with a feeling of despair but you didn't dare to meet his gaze. Awkward silence took the air away, not letting to breathe. However, tension in the room suddenly disappeared with Jake's gentle voice. “Hey…” His fingers tilted your chin up. Jake’s worried eyes met watered yours. “Where are they from?..”

He looked so genuinely concerned that you couldn’t confess you were the one who did that with yourself. You bit your bottom lip, holding tears that started welling up in your eyes. There was no response. Jake started realising what your silent answer meant and his world faded away.

“It wasn’t you, right?..” he whispered, scared of his own words “You wouldn’t do that to yourself?…” Silence was making Jake go insane and he called you by your name.

“Y/n?..” his hands held your, slightly squeezing them “Please, say something. I won;t judge you, I swear.”

You looked in the corner of the room quietly saying only a few words “That was me.”

Jake’s jaw clenched but he managed to ask “Why?..”

“I don’t know… I wasn’t… feeling well…” your voice was slightly shaky. Jake leaned close to you, making sure you could see everything in his eyes.

“You have me. You can always share with me, you know that, right?”

“I don’t want to complain to you. You don’t know what you’re signing up for.” you warned him, recalling your past experiences.

“I don’t care. I want to make sure I’m doing the best I can to make you happy.” Jake saw your slight smile and leaned even closer to peck your lips before wrapping hands around you and whispering in your ear “Can you do that for me? Next time you feel bad… Tell me, scream at me, yell at me. As much as you need until you get rid of wanting to hurt yourself.”

You caressed his hair pulling him closer and whispering “I love you, Jake.”He smiled, replying with the same soft words “I love you too.”

Sunghoon

tw: self-harm in details, blood, low self-esteem, anxiety, jealousy, reader has REAL mental problems… (this one is crazy fr)

You knew Sunghoon pretty well as much as the fact that he only seemed to be cold. When you first met him, you thought he hated you for something or just didn’t like you, but after a while you found out you were wrong. Because of his cold appearance it’s hard to say what he’s feeling or thinking about. Still, you’ve loved him the way he is. However, your anxiety and self-esteem suffered the most in your relationship. Not because Sunghoon was too cold, but because you were afraid of doing or saying something wrong. Mental problems and fears took control of you and sometimes it led to hurting yourself.

Sunghoon went out with friends. You were absolutely fine with that until it started being late and stars covered the dark sky. Sunghoon didn’t answer your calls, didn’t reply to your messages and you started worrying too much. Was he with other girls? Did he lie to you about his feelings?

Minutes with these thoughts and attempts to call him again and you already found yourself in the bathroom with a blade in your hands. Fear of losing Sunghoon and hatred to yourself led you towards irrecoverable actions.

Consumed by your feelings, you didn’t notice the sound of unlocking door and footsteps of your boyfriend. He was surprised by not seeing you greeting him in the hallway and suggested you were sleeping. As Sunghoon carefully headed towards the bathroom he stood still in the doorframe, seeing you with bloody hands sitting on the cold tile. His eyes widened in fear and he ran to you, holding your shoulders and turning you to him.

“Y/n! Are you here? Do you hear me?” he enquired with fear slightly shaking you.

Your eyes shoot opened “Hoon? What are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? I came home as usual. What’s happened?..” he looked over you with worried eyes “We need to take you to the hospital.”

Sunghoon started lifting you up but you stopped him lightly tapping his shoulder.

“No… It’s okay…” You weakly smiled, tears on your cheeks becoming dry.

“It’s not okay. Your wrists are literally bleeding…” You could tell he was trying his hardest to stay calm but hysterical notes in his voice were telling the opposite. Sunghoon laid you on the bed and called the ambulance with shaky hands.When the call ended the room went silent.

“We need to stop your… blood first” He hurried to the bathroom for some bandage to negligently stop your blood. Fortunately, cuts weren’t deep.

“I thought you wouldn’t come…” you mumbled watching Sunghoon treating your wounds.

Sunghoon looked at you with confusion “Why did you do that?.. I don’t understand…” His voice was quiet, your heart breaking into million pieces.

“I’m sorry…” you whispered reaching for his cheek. “I thought… I thought you lied to me. You weren’t answering my texts and calls…” Your thumb slowly caressed his skin, wiping away a lonely tear that escaped from his watering eyes. Sunghoon gently took another hand of yours in his, rubbing the knuckles.

“My phone was discharged…”

Oh. That was so stupid of you. How could you overreact so much?..

“Oh… I didn’t think about that…” The room went silent again.

“Y/n, please… I’m begging you. Never do that again. Okay?..” Sunghoon’s pleading voice broke the silence. You hesitated before slowly nodding. “I don’t want to lose you like that.”

Your eyes watered, you started realising your mistake and what you did, what could happen. “I’m sorry, Hoon… I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The room was suddenly filled with a syren of the ambulance that flew from the opened window.

#enhypen #enhypen imagines #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen angst #heeseung x reader #jake×reader #sunghoon x reader #jay×reader

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archive-doll · 5 hours ago

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tiger!ghost, it's goes on

Author Note: it's been sitting in my draft for weeks, and while I'm not satisfied with it, I still like it somewhat.

Trigger Warning: fantasy of biting into one flesh

The reader's body is mentioned to be fat.

The beast-man has a staring problem.

Everyone who meets him for more than five minutes knows it to be true. His hazel eyes never waver and never seem to blink while he stands there like a statue. Or actually, this morning, sit there.

His little birdie has been scaringly easy to convince into following him home. They even placed a hand into the crook of his elbow, and Simon would never admit it, but his slashed tail puffed out when they giggled and pressed themselves into his side, no sign of fear in their faces or scent.

With kneading paws, Simon guided them into his apartment, suddenly recognizing what Johnny had been saying for the last months—his place did not feel welcoming.

Or rather, it doesn't look like a home. His sharp eyes pinch back, pressing into the puff of blond hair at the top of his hair as he waits for the fairy tale to break apart. But, they look over their shoulders where his hands rest and smile at him. It feels like staring at the sun. His eyes hurt, but the idea of looking away is more painful than that bullet he took in one arsecheek.

"C'mon birdie, wat'r. Then, bed."

They didn't try to say no this time, and after a short moment of pressing clothes into their hands - a tee shirt and a boxer - they were softly snoring between his sheets.

Since then, Simon has been looking. Or staring, it depends on the point of view, maybe. They're curled into a ball while he sits on the foot of the bed, guardian body securing the door and seeing the window from the corner of his eye. And he keeps staring.

It is strange, to have another into his flat. Nothing actually changed, it's all the same. But their scents recover the itching smell of mould and the dust there. Maybe he should open his windows once in a while. Once he's certain their scents will never leave. He should arrange the place so they feel at ease coming here.

His keen eyes watch how their chest heaves with every breath, some perspiration pearling at the crown of their hair. The tee-shirt is flowing around them, the collar barely staying around their shoulders. And the fact they're wearing his boxer beneath the comforter keeping them warm, makes an unfamiliar heat burn the apple of his cheeks.

The sun is rising as he shifts on the bed, thick fingers finding the tip of their feet, and staying there. He can feel the eat of their flesh, the curves of their toes under the rubbing of his feet, and the comfort their presence brings is his salvation. The soft light of the morning passes through the curtain and he swallows into his heart the little crunch of their nose when it hits their face. He doesn't dare to move.

Simon only goes away to fetch them water, hours later, and painkillers. They're dishevelled, leaning into the wall behind the bed when he presses his palm under the glass of water, placing it against their pouty lips. There are marks on their cheeks from the pillowcase, and now, he can see the arch of their cupid bow. His ears twitch, eyes entranced seeing how their throat shift and moves with every gulp and he can't control it. Or maybe he doesn't want to.

His fingers pat the top of their head, pinching some strands between his fingertips and adjusting it all before his knuckles rub against the softness of their jaw. They're all plump everywhere, and the tent in his trousers grows when they lap at the water straying on their bottom lip.

"Good?"

"Mhm."

The glass of water is forgotten on the cupboard he uses as a nightstand, hands pawing and grabbing at their body until they're laying down again, head finding the old pillow there. There's a sight and soft touches that find his arms. His hips twitch in the air when they murmur his name, when did he tell them? Simon doesn't remember. He doesn't care too with how sweet it sounds, like honey falling from their tongue.

Their fingers find repose along the heavy curve of his biceps while he continues his shaky coddling, tee shirt settling by their waist. It's doughy there, plush and it waves beneath his hands when he presses one palm on their stomach. Simon sooth their angry tummy, gaze devouring the softening curl of their eyebrow.

"You were supposed to call me first, kitty. Not bring me to your bed."

They blink up, quietness overwhelming the bedroom before they grin up at him at the surprise in his eyes. Even though sleep keeps their face hazy, it's dizzying. They look cheeky and the desire to sink his teeth into the swell of their chin is overflowing.

He growls, the scars around his mouth twisting as they chuckle, and presses the tip of his fingers under her ribs, watching the thickness of their abdomen bend to make a place for him. It's hypnotizing, the sight of it.

"Need to eat som'thin', birdie."

No one called him kitty and survived the affront for a very long time. He wants to taste the sound from their mouth. But, it seems he will have to tame them first, teach 'em some manners too. The bed creaks as he rises up, and they let out a gasp when the mattress quivers, hands empty now before he strides toward the door.

"Kitchen, now."

Their laughter hits him like a kick in the gut.

"I need some coffee first, knighty!"

"Tea."

The bedroom door is left open as he disappears into his apartment, searching for his phone He can't wait to see the tears on their face when he buries himself into their mouth. Maybe that'd shut them up.

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theonlyqualitytrash · 2 days ago

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Creatura innocentiae - Fyodor x Reader

PART I PART II

Synopsys: In a secluded village ruled by devotion, where sacrifice is a form of love and faith demands blood, you are forced to choose between Scylla and Charybdis.

Warnings: No ability au, cult themes, religion, manipulation, murder, death, graphic violence and depiction of blood, dehumanization, power imbalance in relationships, emotional and physical abuse, self-harm, gaslighting, brainwashing, philosophical musings on love, faith, and autonomy.

These themes will be present throughout all parts of this fic. Please read with caution and take care of your mental well-being. If any of these themes are distressing to you, proceed carefully or consider skipping this fic.

A/N: Welcome to the second part of this little story! I've already written a rough draft of the third part, thanks to winter break, which has given me plenty of time to write until my fingers ache and my mind turns to mush. As a fun fact: before Creatura innocentiae, the title of this fic was Nitimur in vetitum, which translates to "We strive for the forbidden."

Word count: 10,000

The next week crept by like molasses, each day heavier than the last.

Being engaged should have felt like a blessing. You had been told that often enough. But no matter how hard you tried, the feeling eluded you. Abel, on the other hand, wore the engagement like a new skin, radiant with a purpose that seemed to brighten his every step.

Every morning, he waited for you, his patient smile unwavering as he offered to walk you to the clearing where you prayed. He had taken over bandaging your wounds after ceremonies, his hands clumsy but careful, his brow furrowing with the kind of earnestness that made your chest tighten. He also brought you gifts—wildflowers, a wooden carving of a dove, even a piece of honeycomb—they piled up like the tokens of devotion they were meant to be.

He was everything they said a husband should be. Gentle. Devoted. Perfect.

And yet, you almost hated him for it. Or perhaps, you hated yourself.

The dirt path stretched ahead, quiet but for the crunch of your footsteps. The sky above hung heavy and gray, dulling the world into muted shades of itself. Abel walked beside you, his easy gait a sharp contrast to the hollow weight dragging at your steps. His hands swung loosely at his sides, as though they belonged to a man without a care.

You didn’t want to be here—not with him.

“Quite gloomy today, isn’t it?” Abel’s voice broke the quiet, gentle and familiar. He glanced at you, his smile as practiced as the line itself. Then, softer, he added, “Though somehow, you always seem to brighten days like this.”

You nodded, your gaze fixed on the ground. The words you wanted to say coiled tight in your throat, sharp and unspoken.

He was trying. That was the worst part.

Would Abel understand me?

The question gnawed at you, growing louder with every step. It was his voice that answered—not Abel’s, but Fyodor’s. His voice. His damning words clung to you, weaving through your thoughts: a predator circling its prey.

“Abel...” you said softly, the sound of his name almost foreign on your lips.

He perked up immediately, his head turning toward you with that ever-present smile. “Yes?”

Your heart began to race, a faint tremor coursing through your hands as you struggled to voice what had been gnawing at you. “What do you... like about me?”

The question felt absurd as soon as it left your lips, yet it hung in the air between you like a weight. You didn’t dare look at him.

Abel stopped walking.

You hesitated, realizing he had turned to face you, his expression softened by surprise. “What do I like about you?” he repeated, his tone gentle, as though you had asked him to describe something sacred.

“Yes,” you said, barely above a whisper.

His brow furrowed slightly, his smile fading into something quieter, more thoughtful. He shifted his weight, his hands clasping in front of him as he considered your question.

“Well...” He exhaled softly, and when he spoke again, his voice carried the same warmth he always offered. “I like how kind you are. How selfless. You carry so much for all of us, yet you never complain. You give everything, even when it hurts you.”

Your hands clenched into fists at your sides. His words landed like stones in your chest, each one heavier than the last.

“You’re...” He hesitated, a faint blush rising to his cheeks. “You’re radiant. Like the sun breaking through clouds. You remind us of what it means to be good, to have faith.”

His gaze flicked to yours, shy but earnest. “I admire you,” he added softly, his voice almost trembling. “You make the rest of us want to be better.”

A bitter laugh rose in your throat, but you swallowed it down, unable to let it escape.

“Is that it?” you asked instead, your voice trembling with something you couldn’t name.

Abel’s brow knit in confusion. “What do you mean?”

You looked at him then, truly looked at him, and the sight of his gentle confusion only sharpened the ache inside you. “You admire me because I bleed for all of you. Because I make it easy to take.”

His eyes widened, his lips parting in shock. “That’s not—”

“Isn’t it?” you interrupted, your voice rising, sharp and brittle. The words came unbidden, spilling out. “You like me because I don’t fight. Because I smile and give and never ask for anything in return. That’s what you admire, isn’t it? That I make it easy for you to love me?”

The silence that followed was deafening. Abel’s hands trembled at his sides, his expression stricken.

“I...” He faltered, his voice cracking slightly. “I never meant... I just—”

“You don’t know me,” you said, your voice breaking. “You don’t know anything about me beyond what I give. Do you?”

He took a step toward you, his hands reaching out as though to steady the space between you. “That’s not fair,” he said quietly, his tone laced with desperation. “I care about you. I’ve always cared about you.”

You stepped back, shaking your head. “You care about the idea of me. The savior. The lamb. But what if I wasn’t any of that? Would you still—”

“Stop,” he interrupted, his voice firmer now. “I care about you because you’re strong. Because you carry so much and still find a way to be kind.”

His words hung in the air, but they felt hollow. Kindness. Strength. Radiance.

They were the same words you had heard all your life, spoken in reverence and admiration. But they weren’t about you. They were about the role you played, the mask you wore so perfectly.

Your breath hitched as you turned away, staring at the horizon where the clouds pressed low against the earth. “You don’t understand,” you whispered.

Abel didn’t press further. He stood there, silent and unsure, as you began walking again, your steps hurried and uneven. He followed at a distance, the tension between you stretching.

The ache in your chest deepened with every step, the memory of Fyodor’s voice echoing louder than ever: You bleed for them. But will they bleed for you?

For the first time, you began to think you already knew the answer.

---

The late afternoon sun slanted through the gaps in the wooden walls, casting long, wavering stripes of light across the floor. Dust particles swirled lazily in the warmth, their slow drift a reminder of the barn’s stillness. The soft sounds of the space were familiar, grounding.

You had watched Abel and Fyodor disappear inside the barn a little while ago, tasked by the elders to tend to the horses. A routine chore—unremarkable.

They were not made equally, you thought. Abel was very kind, too kind. It was the kind of kindness that made your insides burn, that felt like a performance rather than a truth. The interaction a few days ago had only solidified that suspicion. Abel got complacence, while Fyodor...

Fyodor got ambition. It was an unsettling kind of ambition, sharp-edged and systematic. You didn’t know what he intended to use it for, but the thought lingered, prickling at the edges of your mind like needles.

Not wanting to dwell on the two of them, you turned back to your duties, trying to shake the unease.

Inside, the barn was still and calm, save for the steady rhythm of Fyodor’s hands working, methodical as ever. He brushed down one of the horses, his motions slow, as if the action itself demanded careful precision. His brow remained unfurrowed, his focus unshifting, as though he were a part of the barn itself, fixed and immovable.

Across the barn, Abel’s voice filled the stillness with a casual stream of conversation, his words light and unguarded—too unguarded. He spoke of the harvest festival, of traditions and preparations, his tone tinged with forced enthusiasm.

“I think they’ll love it,” Abel said, glancing over his shoulder at Fyodor. “The festival, I mean. It’s their favorite time of year—dancing under the lights, celebrating our comunity’s hard work. I feel lucky, you know? To be the one by their side for it.”

Fyodor didn’t respond immediately. He didn’t need to. His silence filled the barn like smoke, creeping into all corners until Abel shifted uneasily.

“And what makes you so sure they love it?” Fyodor asked at last, his tone quiet, almost idle, as if the question were an afterthought.

Abel chuckled, though the sound carried a slight tremor. “Because it’s simple, I suppose,” he replied, turning his gaze to the window as though the answer might lie somewhere beyond it. “It makes them happy.”

The rhythm of Fyodor’s brushing didn’t falter, but the air seemed to grow colder, as if his presence had drawn out the warmth. His head tilted slightly, the faintest gesture of consideration, though his gaze remained fixed on the horse.

“Do they seem happy to you?”

Abel stilled. His hands paused in their work, his fingers curling reflexively around the armful of hay he was gathering. He turned his head toward Fyodor, confusion shadowing his features. “What?”

Fyodor straightened, setting the brush aside. He turned, his eyes meeting Abel’s. They were calm, but there was something unrelenting in the sharpness of his gaze. “I asked,” Fyodor said softly, “if they seem happy to you.”

Abel faltered, his brow furrowing. “I mean... they don’t complain,” he said, his voice carrying a faint defensiveness. “They devoted to their role. That’s what happiness is, isn’t it? Accepting your place?”

Fyodor’s lips twitched—not quite a smile, but something faint and unsettling, a ghost of amusement. “Devotion isn’t the same as happiness. Compliance isn’t the same as understanding.”

Abel frowned, his confusion deepening as he turned fully to face Fyodor. “I don’t see the difference,” he said after a long moment, his voice quieter now.

Fyodor took a single step forward, closing the distance between them. “Of course you don’t,” he said, his tone low, almost kind. “You don’t have to.”

Abel blinked, his expression faltering further. The cheerfulness that had cloaked him earlier seemed to dissolve, replaced by a flicker of something more vulnerable—a faint crack in the armor of certainty he had always carried.

“They’re devoted,” Abel said again, though his voice wavered. “They’re strong. They’re... They’re everything we need them to be.”

“Everything you need them to be,” Fyodor corrected, the faintest edge creeping into his voice. He leaned back slightly, his posture relaxed but his presence unyielding. “But tell me, Abel—what do they need?”

The question hung in the air, heavy and suffocating. Abel opened his mouth to respond, but no words came. His hands tightened around the bundle of hay, his gaze dropping to the ground.

Fyodor let the silence stretch, his gaze unwavering as he stepped back toward the horse. “They carry the weight of your love,” he said quietly, his voice almost a murmur. “But love, without understanding, is just another burden, no?”

Abel’s head snapped up at that, his eyes narrowing. “I do understand them,” he said, though the words sounded hollow even to himself.

Fyodor tilted his head slightly, his expression softening—not with kindness, but with something closer to pity. “Do you?”

The question wasn’t sharp. It wasn’t even accusatory. And yet, it cut deeper than anything else Fyodor had said.

Abel turned back to his task, his movements slower, more hesitant now. The steady rhythm of his work had faltered, becoming uneven as though each action required conscious effort. He didn’t speak again. The air between them grew heavier, oppressive in its stillness—you could have heard a pin drop, but not the whisper of Fyodor’s steps as he moved across the barn.

Reaching one of the horses, Fyodor untied its reins with quiet precision, dragging the rope across the floor as though absentmindedly. He let it fall into the straw, its coils half-buried and unassuming, before reaching for the feed bucket to distract the horse with its meal.

His mind drifted again, to that familiar thought.

You construct intricate rituals to appease deities you came up with to avoid being your own judge.

He studied Abel’s back, hunched over as he worked, and the words solidified in his mind.

God can’t hear you beg for forgiveness, and She doesn’t care about the sacrifices you make to prove your repentance. You stand in front of a mirror, begging for someone else to try you for your crimes.

He stared at Abel, who was so eager to please, so content to remain blind to the walls around him. Abel wasn’t chosen for his understanding—no, he was chosen because he would never question the system. Because he wouldn’t ask the hard questions that would tear the gilded cage apart.

“Abel.”

Abel turned toward him, his brow furrowing in confusion, the ever-present warmth in his gaze replaced by something guarded. “Yes?”

“You truly believe you’re enough for them?” Fyodor asked, taking a step forward. His tone wasn’t mocking; it wasn’t even cruel. It was simply curious, a calm inquiry.

Abel blinked, clearly caught off guard. “I... I am enough for them!”

Fyodor tilted his head slightly, his gaze unwavering as though he were studying a puzzle. “Are you?” he murmured, the question barely louder than a breath.

Abel stiffened, his hands clenching at his sides. “Of course I am. I’ve done everything right—followed every rule, every tradition.” His voice grew firmer. “I care for them. I protect them. Isn’t that enough?”

Fyodor’s lips curved into the faintest of smiles. “Enough for you, perhaps. But is it enough for them?”

The barn seemed to close in on them, the air thickening with the weight of unspoken truths. Abel took a step forward, his expression darkening. “They’re happy,” he insisted, though his voice wavered at the edges.

“You don’t see it, do you? The way they looks at you—not with love, but with duty. The same way one might look at a burden they cannot put down.”

Abel’s breath hitched, his face tightening as the words hit their mark. His grip on the hay trembled, as though he were fighting the urge to throw it down. “Shut up,” he said quietly, his tone laced with warning.

Fyodor didn’t flinch, his expression calm, almost pitying. “Do you even know them, Abel? Beyond what they give you? Beyond the mask they wear for all of you?”

“I said shut up!” Abel’s voice cracked, his hands trembling as he took another step forward. The warmth in his gaze was gone now, replaced by something desperate and raw.

Fyodor held his ground, his composure unshaken. “If they took off the mask,” he said, each word deliberate, “would you even recognize them?”

The question hung in the air like a guillotine, and Abel snapped. His fist shot out, catching Fyodor in the chest and driving him back against the stall. The horses stirred, their nervous movements filling the barn with sharp, chaotic sounds.

“You don’t know anything about them!” Abel shouted, his voice reverberating off the wooden walls. “You think you’re so clever, don’t you? But you don’t belong here—you’ll never belong here!”

Fyodor staggered but recovered quickly, brushing the dust from his robe with infuriating calm. He straightened, his violet eyes meeting Abel’s with a steady, unsettling intensity. “Neither do they,” he said quietly.

And when those words came down like a blade on his neck, Abel’s fury boiled over, spilling into every clumsy, uncoordinated movement. His hands found the pitchfork leaning against the stall, gripping it as though it might anchor him against the storm inside. His breath came in ragged, uneven bursts, the sound filling the barn.

The horses, restless from the noise and the charged atmosphere, shuffled in their stalls, their hooves striking against the wooden planks with growing urgency. One whinnied sharply, the sound slicing through the oppressive quiet.

Abel lifted the pitchfork, his knuckles whitening around the handle as if he intended to use it, but the weight of his rage made his movements slow and unsteady. His chest heaved, his eyes wild and unfocused as he turned toward Fyodor, the object of his unraveling anger.

The untied horse jerked sideways, its powerful body slamming into the stall with a hollow, reverberating thud. The motion sent a cascade of hay spilling onto the floor, and Abel flinched at the impact. His grip on the pitchfork wavered, the handle slipping in his sweaty palms.

“Stay back!” Abel shouted at the animal, though the command sounded more like a plea. His voice cracked, raw and uneven, as though it might splinter under the weight of his panic.

The sound of hurried footsteps approached, their rhythm halting just outside the barn’s threshold. Someone had heard the commotion—they paused at the doorway, their shadow stretching across the barn floor, trembling as it mingled with the fractured light. Their eyes darted between Abel’s hunched form and Fyodor’s measured stillness. The air felt too heavy to move through, suffocating in its intensity.

Fyodor’s violet gaze flicked toward the figure, so quick it was almost imperceptible, before snapping back to Abel. He didn’t acknowledge the witness further, his expression settling into something carefully controlled, slightly startled but otherwise unreadable.

“Is that how you’ll prove your worth?” Fyodor asked, his voice calm, but now carrying the faintest thread of something softer—fear, or perhaps pity. He took a half-step back, his hands raised slightly, palms outward, as though placating a dangerous animal. “By threatening me?”

Abel’s grip on the pitchfork tightened, his knuckles trembling. “You don’t understand! You don’t belong here!” he bellowed, his tone cracking under the strain of his rage.

The horses, restless and panicked, stamped and snorted in their stalls. Abel lifted the pitchfork slightly, as if to strike, but the motion only fed the chaos around him. One of the horses reared, its hooves crashing against the stall.

But Fyodor didn’t move. He stood as still as the barn walls themselves, his gaze steady, unyielding. The horses, by contrast, were all motion—rearing, kicking, their wild eyes flashing in the fractured light. The largest of them stomped violently, its movements frantic and unpredictable.

Abel staggered, his foot catching on a length of rope half-buried in the straw. He teetered for a moment, his arms flailing as he fought for balance. The pitchfork clattered to the ground with a dull, jarring sound.

The horse’s agitation grew, its hooves striking out as it reared again. Abel’s flailing carried him backward, the momentum of his stumble drawing him directly into the horse’s path.

For a moment, time seemed to slow. The animal thrashed above him, its front hooves coming down hard, directly onto Abel's head with a sickening crack. Then, silence—the kind that could make a man go insane the way it seeped into your bones, raw and unrelenting. The horse pawed at the straw with uneasy, jittery movements, its breath loud and uneven. Each scuffle of its hooves felt like an echo of the chaos that took place, a ghost of the violence that now lay lifeless on the barn floor.

The oppressive tension lingered, heavy and unshakable, as Fyodor’s gaze shifted to the lifeless form. Abel was now crumpled on the ground, his body folding like a discarded marionette. The pitchfork lay a few feet away, untouched and irrelevant now.

A scream tore through the barn as the witness finally found their voice. It was raw, piercing, and shattered the suffocating silence like glass.

Fyodor flinched, a reaction born of necessity. There was no pleasure, no satisfaction in the moment—only an emptiness, as if he had simply carried out a necessary task. The rope had been placed just so, half-buried in the straw, waiting for the inevitable misstep. The horse, its reins had been untethered just enough for it to start galloping around. Abel’s demise hadn’t been a matter of chance—chance was too chaotic. No, it was only a matter of time before Fyodor took advantage of Abel’s rage.

The scream was a spark, igniting a flurry of footsteps and hurried voices as others rushed toward the barn. The commotion fed on itself, a breeding ground for curious eyes and frantic questions.

Some pushed inside, drawn by the noise, while others hovered at the edges, hesitant and afraid. A few rushed to Fyodor, their voices trembling as they asked if he was hurt. He played the role of the bewildered innocent, his hands clean, his expression clouded with confusion.

“I…” he began, his voice soft, trembling just enough to appear genuine. “I don’t know how it came to this.”

The barn felt smaller with so many bodies crowding its space, their overlapping whispers and gasps weaving into the lingering tension.

Fyodor’s mind remained clear, though something twisted deep in his chest, an unfamiliar discomfort he couldn’t easily shake.

The scene was immaculate. The horse’s agitation blended seamlessly with the chaos he had crafted—a tragic accident, nothing more. Fyodor lingered for a moment, staring at the wreckage he had orchestrated. He felt no satisfaction. No triumph. Only the steady weight of grim resolve.

When the questions grew too insistent, a few of them gently urged him away from the barn, their hands hovering as if to steady him. He let them guide him, his steps measured, his gaze distant, his expression carrying just enough of a dazed quality to appear convincing. Yet, even as he moved, his thoughts were already elsewhere.

They turned to you—the way your voice had trembled when you spoke of your role, the soft, resigned look in your eyes whenever Abel’s name came up. He almost felt pity for Abel. Almost.

Abel was part of the cycle—a lamb to be led to slaughter, a cog in a system that would never change. But you—you were different. You didn’t belong to this hollow cycle of devotion and duty.

And that was why Fyodor wouldn’t let you rot alongside them.

---

The news left you reeling. Abel, dead? The words didn’t seem real. You hadn’t loved him—not the way a fiancé should love their betrothed. But your heart, too soft and too big, carried the weight of his loss as though it were your fault. Guilt tangled with disbelief, twisting in your chest. If only you had loved him more, would he have been more careful? The image of the horse flashed in your mind, its startled movements, its strength. Why hadn’t Abel been more cautious? The questions circled endlessly as you stepped into the church, the air pressing down on you like a silent rebuke.

The apse feels colder without the soft façade your mother usually wears in public. Her practiced kindness is gone, leaving behind the sharp, calculating presence of the High Priestess. You’re not supposed to be here. You hesitate by the doorway, drawn by the tension in the air.

Fyodor stands before her, calm as ever, his posture betraying no unease. He looks at her with an air of quiet reverence, his composure a sharp contrast to the tension that fills the room like a rising tide.

“Abel is dead,” she says, her voice cutting through the silence, deliberate and sharp, like the crack of a whip.

Fyodor inclines his head slightly, his expression shifting into something akin to concern, though it never quite reaches his eyes. “A tragedy,” he murmurs, his tone measured and solemn. “I was there, High Priestess. Tending to the horses with him, as requested. It all happened so quickly.”

“Quickly,” she repeats, her words laden with disbelief. Her gaze hardens, narrowing in a way that feels like she’s trying to pierce through him. “And yet, here you stand. Unscathed. Untouched.”

His lips part as if in a sigh, but his voice remains steady. “I wish it were not so,” he says softly, his hands folding behind his back, the imagine of obedience. “There were others who saw what happened. Abel was not himself. His anger… it was consuming him.”

Her eyes flash, the subtle narrowing of her brows the only betrayal of her rising fury. “And what of your role in this?” she asks, leaning forward slightly, her presence pressing into him like a blade against his skin. “What did you do to quell this supposed rage?”

“I stepped back,” Fyodor says, his voice a quiet confession, tinged with what sounds like regret. “To keep myself safe. The horses were startled. Abel was… consumed by his emotions. I feared escalation, and yet…” He lets the sentence trail off, as though the memory itself pains him.

Her hands tighten on the edge of the table, knuckles whitening as she leans further forward. “Convenient,” she says, the word dripping with venom. “How fortunate for you that his anger left little room for blame to fall elsewhere.”

He tilts his head slightly, meeting her gaze without hesitation, his expression serene. “I did only what I could, High Priestess. The others will confirm as much.”

Her lips press into a thin line, her silence growing sharper, heavier. “Do not mistake my silence for ignorance,” she says at last, her voice dropping to a low, dangerous register. “I know what you’ve done.”

For a moment, the faintest flicker of amusement dances in his eyes. It vanishes as quickly as it came, replaced by a carefully composed neutrality. “And I await proof, High Priestess,” he says, his voice unwavering but carrying an edge now, subtle but unmissable. “The truth, after all, always has a way of revealing itself.”

The room feels suffocating all of a sudden. You realize too late that you’ve stepped too far into the doorway, drawn in despite yourself. Her gaze snaps to you with the precision of a hawk catching its prey. “What are you doing here?”

“I—I didn’t mean to interrupt,” you stammer.

Her expression softens slightly, but only enough to mask her irritation. “You have duties to attend to,” she says, her voice firm. “Go.”

You hesitate, your eyes flicking to Fyodor. He meets your gaze briefly, his violet eyes calm and unbothered, as if none of this concerns him. Something unspoken lingers in his gaze, something you don’t fully understand but can’t look away from.

“I said go,” your mother repeats, and her voice leaves no room for argument. Reluctantly, you turn and leave, the door closing behind you.

Her next words are muffled by the thick wooden door, but you can hear the warning in her tone, the anger simmering just beneath the surface. “And stay away from my child,” she says. There’s a pause, heavy and menacing. “You may have charmed the others, but insolence has its limits.”

Fyodor’s reply is quiet, but there’s an edge of amusement in his tone. “As you wish, High Priestess.”

You stood just beyond the door, your heart pounding as you strain to hear what comes next. There’s a long silence, followed by your mother’s voice. “Be careful, Fyodor. You walk a fine line.”

The door creaks open behind you, and you jump back as Fyodor steps out. He closes it softly, his expression calm but unreadable as his eyes meet yours.

“You shouldn’t eavesdrop,” he says, his voice quiet, carrying a faint trace of humor.

You flush, clasping your hands in front of you, “I wasn’t—” The words stumble out, unconvincing even to yourself. “I mean... I didn’t mean to.”

He tilts his head slightly, his gaze sharpening, though his faint smile lingers. “No?” he murmurs, the word soft, almost indulgent. “Then why are you still standing here?”

“I...” Your voice falters, the weight of his presence bearing down on you. The shame burns in your chest, but it’s tangled with something else—an aching need to know. “I was worried,” you admit quietly. “About what she was saying. About you.”

His expression shifts subtly, something unspoken flickering behind his composed façade. “And why would you worry about me?”

The question throws you off balance, and for a moment, you can’t find the words. “She... she doesn’t usually speak like that about anyone,” you manage. “And—” You hesitate, then push forward, the words tumbling out before you can stop them. “Did you have anything to do with Abel’s death?”

For a moment, there’s silence. Not the calm, expectant silence he so often wields, but something heavier. His violet eyes remain locked on yours, unblinking, as though he’s weighing every possible answer against the consequences it might bring.

“Do you think I did?” he asks finally, his voice low and steady, yet there’s an edge to it—a challenge hidden beneath the softness.

Your chest tightens under the weight of his question. “I don’t know,” you admit, the words trembling on your lips. “You always seem to know things—things no one else does. And she sounded so certain, like she has proof.”

“Proof,” he repeats, almost absently, as if the word itself is a curious puzzle. He looks away, his gaze lingering on the shadows flickering along the church walls. When he speaks again, his tone is quieter, more thoughtful. “Certainty and proof are not the same. Certainty is... convenient. It can mask fear. Or doubt.”

You search his face, desperate to read the truth in his expression, but his features remain infuriatingly calm. “So it wasn’t you?”

This time, his hesitation is so slight you almost miss it. But it’s there—an imperceptible pause, a flicker of something in his eyes. “I had nothing to do with Abel’s death,” he says, his voice quiet but firm. “He was... a kind man. His loss is a tragedy.”

His words soothe something in you, yet they also stir a nagging unease. You want to believe him. You need to. But the shadow of doubt refuses to leave you entirely.

“I shouldn’t have asked,” you whisper, your hands twisting the fabric of your robe. “It’s not my place.”

“Questions are not a crime,” he says, his tone softening. “But sometimes, they lead us to answers we aren’t ready for.”

He steps closer, and you can feel the weight of his presence, the quiet intensity that seems to draw everything toward him. “Your mother is a formidable woman,” he continues, his voice barely above a whisper. “She cares for you deeply. But her care can be... suffocating.”

You look up at him, startled by the edge of empathy in his tone. “She’s trying to protect me,” you say, though the words feel hollow.

His faint smile returns, tinged with something almost bitter. “She sees danger everywhere,” he says. “Even where there is none. Her warnings... they’re for your sake, not mine.”

“What danger?” you press, your voice trembling. “Why would she think you’re a threat?”

He pauses, his gaze slipping past you as if searching for an answer in the dim light of the church. When he looks back, there’s a shadow in his expression—an emotion you can’t name. “Perhaps because I don’t fit neatly into her world,” he says finally. “People fear what they can’t control.”

The words settle heavily between you, and you can’t help but wonder if they apply to more than just your mother. “But you’re not a danger,” you say, the statement more a question than you intended.

His smile deepens, though it’s far from reassuring. “Would it matter if I were?”

The question takes your breath away, and for a moment, you can’t respond. He steps back, the moment slipping away as quickly as it arrived.

“I should go,” he says softly. “Your mother would not be happy if she saw us talking.” He steps past you, his presence lingering even as he walks away. You turn to watch him go, your mind can't seem to let go of the subject.

“Wait,” you say, your voice unsteady. “What does she fear? Is it really you?”

He hesitates at the door, his hand resting on the worn wood. “She fears many things,” he says, his tone almost gentle. “But most of all, she fears losing you.”

He glances back at you one last time, his gaze lingering in a way that leaves you frozen in place. “Be careful,” he says, his tone softer now. “Sometimes, it’s better to leave things alone. For your own sake.”

With that, he’s gone, leaving you alone in the quiet of the church.

---

The preparations for the interment felt like a hollow ritual, a series of motions drained of meaning. You were no stranger to death—it was a quiet constant in your duties. Tending to elders who had lived full lives or stillborn children who never had the chance to begin felt like an extension of God’s will, a cycle you could accept.

But Abel? Abel’s life was brimming with potential, his laughter still echoing faintly in your mind. To see him reduced to this—motionless, silent, stripped of the warmth that had once defined him—felt profoundly wrong, almost cruel. Yet beneath the grief and guilt, another emotion lingered faintly—a weight you could not name lifting from your chest, leaving behind an ache you didn’t dare yet examine.

The river is calm tonight, its surface reflecting the firelight as if the water itself mourns. Abel’s body lies on a small wooden boat, his head covered by a white veil, his hands crossed over his chest. Flowers are tucked around him—delicate wildflowers from the fields, their petals already wilting under the heat of the torchlight. Gifts surround his body: a carving knife, a jar of honey, and a lock of your hair tied with a red ribbon.

You stand at the edge of the gathered mourners. The High Priestess holds the ceremonial torch, her expression somber as she recites the prayer of passage.

“May this fire guide you Abel,” she says, her voice steady, resonant. “May the waters carry you to the eternal embrace of the divine.”

She hands you the torch, her fingers brushing against yours. You step forward, your legs trembling as you kneel at the riverbank. The crowd watches in reverent silence as you lower the torch, lighting the pyre. The flames catch quickly, crackling and consuming the dried wood and herbs. The fire comes to life, its reflection dancing on the water’s surface.

Then the boat drifts slowly into the river, carried by the gentle current. You can feel the weight of their gazes on you as the flames climb higher, engulfing everything. The chanting grows louder, filling the night with its haunting melody. You bow your head, but your thoughts are elsewhere.

Somewhere in the crowd, Fyodor stands apart. His face is unreadable in the flickering light, but you can feel his gaze on you. It’s like a promise, something you can’t sever no matter how hard you try. When you lift your head, your eyes meet his across the riverbank. He doesn’t look away, but you don't either.

The embers of the funeral boat glow faintly on the surface of the dark water, their light flickering like dying stars. You linger by the riverbank, unable to leave, even as the others return to the village. The weight of Abel’s death presses on you like a shroud. You tell yourself it’s the grief of the community—of your mother—but a deeper, more private part of you knows the truth.

You feel relieved.

The realization sits heavy in your chest, twisting into a knot of guilt. He’s gone. Abel is gone, and you will never have to kneel at his side, never have to smile through vows that made you feel small, never have to endure his kind, earnest gaze, so full of devotion it almost made you cry.

And yet, the relief doesn’t quiet the sadness. Abel hadn’t deserved this. He’d been kind, gentle, and undeserving of the violence that stole his life. You shiver, clutching your arms as though to hold yourself together.

The sound of footsteps pulls you from your thoughts, soft against the earth but unmistakable. You don’t need to turn to know it’s him. Fyodor’s presence is unmistakable.

“I thought I might find you here,” he says softly. His voice carries no judgment, only a quiet understanding that feels too sharp against the tumult of your thoughts.

You don’t respond. You keep your gaze fixed on the water, the last embers of the funeral pyre drifting away on the gentle current.

For a moment, he says nothing more. He steps closer, his movements unhurried, as though he knows you won’t send him away. He stands beside you, his presence warm despite the chill in the air. “You shouldn’t linger,” he says eventually, his tone as soft as the breeze. “The night is cold.”

“I know,” you whisper, though you make no move to leave.

Silence settles between you, broken only by the faint ripple of the water. Fyodor doesn’t press you for words, doesn’t fill the quiet with questions or platitudes. He simply waits, as if he knows you need space to untangle the knot inside you.

“It’s wrong,” you murmur finally, your voice trembling. “To feel this way.”

His gaze shifts to you, steady and patient. “What way?” he asks gently.

You shake your head, unable to meet his eyes. “I shouldn’t feel relieved. I shouldn’t feel...” You falter, the words catching in your throat. “Happy.”

“Happy?” he repeats, his tone light, as though coaxing the truth from you without force.

You swallow hard, your chest tightening with shame. “That I’m not marrying him anymore,” you admit quietly. “That I don’t have to...” Your voice trails off, and you squeeze your arms tighter around yourself. “He didn’t deserve this. And I feel guilty for being glad.”

The words hang in the air, fragile and raw. For a long moment, Fyodor says nothing, and you fear his silence more than anything he could say. But when he finally speaks, his voice is quiet, almost tender.

“Grief and relief can exist together,” he says. “Feeling one doesn’t erase the other.”

You glance at him, startled by the gentleness in his tone. His expression is calm, but there’s something in his eyes that you can’t quite name—a depth, a quiet understanding that makes your chest ache.

“It doesn’t make you cruel,” he continues. “Or unkind. It makes you human.”

You lower your gaze, tears stinging your eyes. You want to argue, to tell him he’s wrong, but the words won’t come. Instead, you find yourself leaning into his presence, drawn to the strange, steady calm he exudes.

“I didn’t want this,” you say softly. “I didn’t want him to die.”

The silence stretches for a moment, soft and heavy, before you find yourself asking the question you’ve been holding back since the funeral.

“How was he?” you whisper, your voice trembling as you force the words out. “When you saw him last... what was he like?” You search Fyodor’s expression, desperate for something to soothe the ache that’s been gnawing at your chest.

Fyodor doesn’t flinch. His answer comes after a brief pause, as though he’s carefully turning over the words in his mind. When he speaks, his voice is calm, steady, yet imbued with a softness that feels almost kind. “He was troubled,” he says, his tone measured, “but he was trying to find peace in his own way.”

Your chest tightens, a bittersweet mix of guilt and relief clawing its way to the surface. “Troubled?” you echo, your voice cracking. “I... I wish I had known. I should have seen it.”

“You couldn’t have known,” Fyodor says, the words quiet but firm. His gaze holds yours, steady and unyielding. “Sometimes, people carry burdens they cannot share. His anger wasn’t about you—it was about the expectations placed on him. Expectations he could no longer bear.”

The weight of his words settles over you, heavy but grounding. Your throat tightens, and the tears you’ve been holding back spill over, unchecked. “I just… I wanted him to be happy,” you whisper. “He deserved that much.”

Fyodor watches you for a moment, before he speaks again. “Happiness isn’t always something we can give to others,” he says softly. “But he knew you cared. In the end, that mattered to him.”

You let out a shaky breath, clutching at the fragile comfort his words offer. “Thank you,” you murmur, your voice hoarse with emotion. “For being there. For trying to help him.”

Fyodor inclines his head slightly, his expression gentle but inscrutable. “It was the least I could do,” he says, his voice carrying a quiet gravity.

His words linger between you, heavy with unspoken meaning. Somewhere beneath the surface, you feel a current of something darker, something you can’t quite name. But you push the thought aside, holding onto the solace he’s given you instead.

And that night, you finally let yourself cry—small, quiet tears that fall into the stillness. Fyodor doesn’t move closer, doesn’t try to touch you. But his presence remains, solid and grounding, as though he knows exactly what you need.

And as the last embers on the water fade to black, so too does the knot in your chest. It doesn’t disappear completely, but for now, it feels lighter.

---

As swiftly as Abel’s passing came, so did the murmurs of his replacement. The inevitability of it clawed at your chest. Who would they choose? The question lingered, heavy and suffocating. You didn’t love anyone in that way—you weren’t sure you even knew how. But it didn’t matter. It never had. Love was a luxury reserved for others, not for you. Your duty to serve and protect stood above such things, an immovable force that demanded everything, leaving nothing for yourself.

The sacred chamber bared the weight expectation. The candles lining the room burned low, their wax pooling like spilled offerings onto the scarred surface of the circular table at the room’s center. Icons glowed faintly in the flickering light, their intricate patterns seeming to pulse as though alive.

You sat at your mother’s right hand, your presence as ceremonial as the candles. They had positioned you carefully—not as a participant, but as a reminder. A living symbol of the decision they had gathered to make.

The council of elders surrounded the table, their robes pooling around them. Their faces were worn and lined with years of devotion, their gazes sharp with the weight of tradition. Their voices, low and murmured, weaved a thread of tension through the room, a quiet hum that settled in your chest.

At the head of the table, your mother sat straight-backed and composed. Her silver hair caught the light like threads of spun steel, and her white robes were pristine as ever. Though she hadn’t yet spoken, her presence was enough to keep the room in balance, every elder’s words carefully measured, every movement deliberate.

You remained silent, your hands folded neatly in your lap, your gaze fixed on the candlelight as though it might offer you some form of escape.

The conversation began predictably, each elder taking their turn to speak with the slow gravity of a ritual.

“We must consider their future,” one said, his voice rumbling like distant thunder. “The vessel cannot remain unbound.”

Another nodded, her fingers steepled before her. “It is not just tradition—it is their purpose. Without a partner, their role is incomplete. Unity is required, both for them and for the community.”

Their words surrounded you like a net, each thread tightening with every passing moment. They spoke of you, about you, but never to you. You were not a person here. You were an offering.

The discussion turned to Abel’s death.

“It was a tragedy,” one elder murmured, shaking his head. “He was a promising match. His devotion was unwavering.”

“But it leaves us with an opportunity,” another interjected. “We can find a match that will strengthen their position further—someone who embodies not just faith, but leadership.”

The High Priestess remained silent, her sharp gaze sweeping over the elders. Though her expression was serene, you could see the faint tension in her jaw, the slight tightening of her fingers around the edge of the table.

And then, a new name entered the conversation.

“What of Fyodor?”

The murmurs grew louder, the elders turning toward the speaker with surprise and curiosity.

“He is young, yes,” the elder continued. “In his short time here, he has proven himself. Devout, polite, eager to serve. He carries himself with dignity.”

Murmurs of agreement rippled through the chamber.

“He performs every task with care,” another said. “Always thoughtful, always measured.”

“And the people respect him,” someone added. “The children adore him, and the elders speak of his humility. He has shown the kind of character we need.”

Your mother’s frown was almost imperceptible, but you saw it. Her fingers tightened on the table’s edge, her composure flickering like a candle in a gust of wind.

“He is still an outsider,” she said, her voice cutting through the murmurs. “A man we barely know. Devotion takes time to prove.”

“But his actions speak for him,” one elder countered gently. “Even you must admit he has adjusted seamlessly to our ways.”

“It is his seamless adjustment that concerns me,” your mother replied, her tone sharp. “No one adapts so quickly without intent. Devotion should be earned, not performed.”

Her words hung heavy in the air, silencing the murmurs for a moment.

You sat frozen, your gaze dropping to your lap as their words swirled around you. They spoke of Fyodor with admiration, of Abel with reverence, of you as though you were an extension of the altar itself—a sacred object to be placed, given, assigned.

You felt your throat tighten as one elder leaned forward, their voice soft but deliberate. “Mother Maria, with all respect, we cannot deny the strength of his character. He has brought stability, even in the face of tragedy. Perhaps he is exactly what they needs—a man who can uphold appearances while serving the divine.”

Your mother’s gaze darkened, her frown deepening. “Appearances are not enough,” she said sharply. “The vessel must be bound to someone who embodies faith and tradition. Fyodor is neither. He is an outsider, a stranger who has only begun to understand our ways.”

Another elder shifted in their seat. “And who, then, would you propose?” they asked carefully. “Abel’s passing has left us with few options. The sacred vessel cannot remain unbound.”

The room grew heavy with silence, the air thick with unspoken tension.

Finally, your mother spoke again, her voice steady but cold. “There are others. Men whose families have served this community for generations. Men whose loyalty is proven, not assumed.”

Her gaze swept across the room, her authority pressing down like a weight. “We will not make this decision lightly. And we will not make it tonight.”

Her words were final, the tone leaving no room for argument. The murmurs faded into uneasy quiet as the elders began to rise, their robes rustling softly as they filed out of the chamber.

You remained seated, your hands clenched tightly in your lap. The flickering candlelight cast wavering shadows on the walls, but the weight in your chest remained still, solid.

When the chamber was nearly empty, your mother turned to you, her expression hard but laced with something else—something close to fear.

“I will not allow this,” she said, her voice low. “You may think him charming, but I see what the others cannot. There is something... unnatural about him.”

Her hand rested on your cheek, soft almost possessive. “You will be promised,” she continued. “But not to him. Never to him.”

She rose, her robes sweeping the floor as she left the chamber. The sound of her footsteps faded, leaving you alone in the suffocating quiet.

You stared at the candlelight, its faint glow reflecting in your eyes. You wondered if she was right to be afraid.

---

Days passed, but the elders’ conversation lingered—a quiet echo in the moments you least expected. Would Fyodor be a good match? The question felt like a cruel jest. It didn’t matter, not really—not when your mother had made her feelings about him painfully clear. Her disdain, her insistence that his presence near you was sacrilege, kept him at an arm’s length even now.

And yet, for all her hatred, Fyodor stood apart from anyone else. Abel was predictable, the others distant, and even you could only see yourself in fragments. But Fyodor? Fyodor saw you whole.

And what he saw terrified you.

It wasn’t just that he seemed to know you better than anyone else. Sometimes, it felt like he knew you better than you knew yourself.

But more frightening than that—the thing you couldn’t admit, not even in the quiet of your mind—was how you reached for him in return. Like forbidden fruit, dangerous and tempting, he pulled you in with a force you couldn’t resist.

The embers of the ceremonial pyre glow faintly against the night sky, casting restless shadows over the clearing. The others have gone, their murmured prayers and reverent footsteps swallowed by the forest. You should have left with them. You should be anywhere but here, but the ceremony lingers in you like a weight you can’t shake off. The sacred blood on your arms feels heavier than it should, its warmth long gone.

You stare into the dying fire, hoping its last flickers will burn away the unease twisting inside you. But it doesn’t. It never does.

“Still here?” Fyodor’s voice drifts toward you, as though he’s been waiting for the moment you’d be alone.

His voice slips through the stillness, soft and smooth. You don’t turn. You don’t need to. Fyodor’s presence isn’t loud—it doesn’t crash or demand attention. It seeps into the space like smoke, slow and inevitable.

“You seem to always find me,” you say, your voice quieter than you intended.

“I wasn’t looking,” he replies, his tone smooth and unhurried. “It’s just that you’re always where I expect you to be.”

You glance over your shoulder and find him leaning against one of the great trees that ring the clearing. The white of his robe catches the firelight, making him look ghostly against the shadows. His posture is as it always is—calm, controlled—but his eyes hold something sharper, something that makes your pulse quicken.

“I needed a moment,” you murmur, turning your gaze back to the fire.

“To think?” he asks, stepping closer.

“To breathe.”

“That is because you give so much,” he says softly, and his words cut through you with an unsettling precision. “But what does it give you in return?”

You flinch, the truth of his question striking a nerve you didn’t know was exposed. “It’s not about what I get,” you reply, though your voice trembles. “I told you before...It’s my purpose.”

“And who gave you that purpose?” he presses, his steps slow as he closes the space between you. “Did you choose it? Or was it chosen for you?”

His words dig into you like thorns, and you pull your arms closer to your chest, as though shielding yourself from the weight of his gaze. “It doesn’t matter,” you say sharply. “It’s what I’m meant to do.”

“But does it feel that way?” he murmurs, his tone softening in a way that feels more dangerous than his earlier sharpness.

You look away, your breath hitching as his presence presses against you—not physically, but in a way that feels just as real. You want to step back, to break the pull he seems to have on you, but instead, you find yourself leaning toward him.

“The divinity that was pushed onto you,” he murmurs, his voice dipping lower, almost reverent. “It will stain your fingers and mouth like a pomegranate. It will swallow you whole and spit you out, wine-dark and wanting. And still, you’ll reach for it, again and again.”

You take a shaky breath, your chest tightening. “Why are you saying this?”

“Because you deserve to ask the question,” he says simply. “Because no one else will let you.”

You want to argue, to push him away with words that make sense, but all you can feel is the ache in your chest, the way his presence seems to burrow under your skin. His words are too sharp, too close to truths you’ve tried to ignore, and yet you can’t bring yourself to step back.

You glance at him, searching for something in his expression—mockery, cruelty, anything that might give you an excuse to dismiss him. But his gaze is steady, unflinching, as though he’s been waiting for this moment. It unsettles you, the way he looks at you. Not with reverence, not with the awe you’re used to, but with something deeper. Something you can’t name.

“I should go,” you say finally, though the words feel hollow, turning away from him and started walking.

“Should you?” he says, his soft but relentless, stopping you in your tracks, “You are trying to flee from the truth.”

The weight of his words pulls at something deep inside you, something you’ve tried to bury beneath years of ritual and obedience. Your chest tightens, your heart pounding against your ribs as you search for an answer, but none comes.

“You let it take everything,” he continues, stepping even closer, “and you ask for nothing in return. Not even its mercy.”

“Stop,” you whisper, though there’s no force behind the word.

“Why?” His gaze burns into you, the intensity of it making your skin prickle. “Because you’re afraid of the answer? Or because you already know it?”

The air feels too thick, too heavy, but you can’t seem to move. You lower your gaze, the words tangling in your throat as your chest tightens. “I don’t... I don’t want to—”

“To think about it?” he finishes your sentence for you, his voice softer now. “I know.”

His words hold no malice, no triumph. Instead, there’s something almost tender in the way he says it, as though he sees the storm inside you and knows exactly how to navigate it. It’s too much, and yet you don’t push him away. You tilt your head, giving him the space to press closer. Letting his words sink into your soft skin.

Fyodor stands close now, his presence steady but overwhelming, like a shadow that refuses to vanish. His words linger in the air between you, carving truths you don’t want to face.

“So, this is where you are.”

You stiffen, the sound like a blade slicing through the fragile stillness. Your mother, the High Priestess, steps into the clearing, her purposeful gait as deliberate as the firelight still flickering behind her. Her face is carved from stone, her fury tightly leashed.

“Mother,” you say softly, turning to face her.

Her gaze doesn’t land on you. Instead, it pierces Fyodor, her eyes narrowing with a quiet, terrifying intensity. “Fyodor,” she says, her tone dangerously calm. “You have a habit of overstepping your place.”

He inclines his head, his posture unshaken. “High Priestess,” he greets her, his voice a smooth undercurrent. “I deeply apologize, I wasn’t aware I had stepped beyond the boundaries.”

She steps closer, her movements slow and deliberate, the weight of her authority filling the clearing. “You are speaking to my child,” she says sharply, motioning toward you with a flick of her hand. “That, in itself, is overstepping.”

Your mother’s gaze flicks to you then, her expression unreadable but heavy with disappointment. “And you,” she says, her voice quieter now but no less cutting. “Lingering here with him when I warned against it. Have I not taught you better than this?”

You open your mouth to respond, to explain, but the words die in your throat. “I—”

“Silence,” she snaps, the single word ringing out like a whip. “You shame me.”

Her hand moves suddenly, and you flinch, expecting a blow, but instead, her fingers close around your wrist. Her grip is ironclad as she drags you forward, pulling you closer to where Fyodor stands. He watches silently, his expression unreadable, though his eyes follow every movement with unsettling calm.

“This ends now,” she says, her voice a low growl. “If you cannot respect the boundaries I’ve set, I will remind you of them.”

Her other hand rises, striking you across the cheek before you have time to process her words. The force of it makes your head snap to the side, your skin stinging as tears spring to your eyes. You bite your lip, refusing to cry out.

Fyodor shifts, a flicker of something—anger, perhaps—crossing his face, but your mother’s gaze cuts to him before he can speak. “Do you think you’re exempt from consequence?” she says, her tone sharper now, laced with menace.

“I wouldn’t dare,” he replies, his voice smooth but edged with defiance.

Her eyes narrow, and she steps closer to him. Though she is smaller in stature, her presence feels overwhelming, like the weight of the heavens pressing down. “Kneel,” she commands, her voice heavy with authority.

For a moment, you think he won’t obey. The air in the clearing is thick with tension, the space between them crackling like a live wire. But then, slowly, deliberately, he lowers himself to his knees, his posture still calm, still composed, as though he’s granting her a favor rather than submitting to her will.

Your mother circles him like a predator, her steps slow and deliberate. “You think you’re clever,” she says, her voice venomous. “You think I don’t see what you’re doing, creeping into my flock, whispering your poison.”

He doesn’t respond, his gaze fixed ahead, but you can feel the weight of his composure, the way it unsettles her.

She stops in front of him, her hands folding neatly in front of her. “I warned you to stay away from them,” she says. “You chose not to listen.”

She raises her hand, striking him across the face with the same force she used on you. The sound is sharp in the quiet night, echoing through the clearing. He doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even blink, as though the blow hadn’t even registered.

“Your defiance will end,” she says, her voice cold. “Do not mistake my mercy for weakness.”

Fyodor tilts his head slightly, and though he doesn’t smile, there’s something in his eyes that feels like a challenge. “Of course, High Priestess,” he says softly. “I am yours to punish as you see fit.”

His words are obedient, but the tone beneath them feels like something else entirely—something darker, something that tightens the knot in your chest.

Your mother turns to you then, her expression cold. “Look at him,” she commands. “This is what happens to those who forget their place.”

You lift your gaze reluctantly, your eyes meeting Fyodor’s. There’s no trace of the humiliation your mother intended to inflict, instead, his gaze holds yours steadily, the weight of it grounding you in a way you don’t understand.

“Do you understand?” your mother demands, her voice breaking the moment.

“Yes, mother,” you say softly, though your chest feels hollow as you speak.

She straightens, her authority radiating outward as she looks between the two of you. “This is the last time I will address this,” she says. “Please do not make me do something I will regret.”

With that, she turns and strides out of the clearing, her long robes sweeping the ground behind her. The silence she leaves behind is deafening.

You stand frozen, your cheek still stinging from her blow, your chest tight with shame and something else you can’t name. Fyodor rises slowly, brushing the dirt from his knees.

“You didn’t have to kneel,” you whisper, your voice trembling.

He glances at you, his violet eyes sharp in the faint light. “Didn’t I?”

His words twist in your chest, but you don’t have the strength to respond. Instead, you look away, the weight of his gaze almost too much to bear.

“She sees you as her lamb,” he murmurs, his voice quiet but firm. “But even lambs grow restless.”

You shiver, his words digging deeper than you want them to. Before you can reply, he steps closer, his presence steady but overwhelming.

“Go,” he says softly, his tone gentler now. “She’ll be watching.”

For a moment, you hesitate, your body refusing to move. But then you nod and turn, your steps unsteady as you leave the clearing. Behind you, the air feels heavy, as though it will never truly clear.

That night, you were restless. Sleep didn’t come easily, your mind replaying the scene in the clearing over and over again—the sting of her hand, the weight of her gaze, and the calm defiance in Fyodor’s eyes. You felt raw, stripped bare in a way that made your skin prickle even in the stillness of your room.

You avoided your father as much as you could. His presence, always so quiet, so small in the shadow of your mother’s, felt unbearable now. When he glanced at you during supper, his eyes gentle and searching, you looked away, unable to meet his gaze.

He didn’t ask what happened. He never asked. But you knew he could see it in the way you held yourself, in the silence that stretched between you like an unspoken confession.

And still, he didn’t press. He never did.

The house was silent, but your thoughts were loud, the echoes of your mother’s fury and Fyodor’s calm threading through your mind until they tangled together, like wire impossible to separate.

Even as exhaustion weighed on you, you lay awake, staring at the ceiling, feeling the sting of everything you couldn’t say.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd fyodor #bsd fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor bsd #bungo stray dogs fyodor #bsd fyodor x reader #fyodor x reader

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quitealotofsodapop · 2 days ago

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There will be a massive debate/argument between them all when they find out. Because the first reaction Li Jing will have upon putting two and two together that Wukong and his protegè is somehow related to the strange changes in fate they've found in the draft copies is to summon them once more to Heaven. Which, considering the last time he did that, does not go well and it takes a lot of fighting before Xiwangmu finally gets tired enough of the squabbling on her front yard to intervene and explain WHY Wukong and his friends were summoned to Heaven once more.

Xiwangmu: With the Ten Kings of Diyu gone, Heaven and the Underworld have been forced to use some... archaic means to keep the balance between life and death. The Scrolls of the Dead have a drafted copy so to speak, one that is constantly updated but holds none of the powers the original document held. Whilst going through it, we discovered something... rather disturbing."

Wukong: And that involves kidnapping me and my friends... how?? Also there was a SECOND COPY!?

Nezha: Don't worry, we verified that while your name remains in this copy, you still retain the stolen immortality wiping your name from the true copy did. Twas one of the first things we did considering the reason the... original was covered in graffiti.

Wukong: I'm not apologizing for that. Meant to die or not, mortally wounded or not, I was not dead when they dragged me down the first time.

MK: Wait, what was that about being meant to die? When was this??

Macaque: *sighing* MK. When he removed his name from the Book of the Dead. Didn't you say you'd read the book!?

MK: It's so long and has weird vocabulary that makes my head spin!

Li Jing, trying to steer the conversation back to the to the point: Sun Wukong. There's been a series of events where many a being, whether they be mortal, celestial, or demon, was meant to meet their end where said fate was averted. While it isn't unusual for such a thing, the amount of time and consistency is rather strange. And... all of those instances point to some sort of interference related to you.

Xiwangmu: We summoned you here in hopes of understanding how that might be. Particularly in regards to that considerable feats that my general and grandson witnessed you and your heir perform recently. One does not simply break a cycle of destruction and rebirth so easily."

Prev.

The monkeys all get summoned like "AH! Not again!"

And reoccurring gag of MK not reading the book cus it's so dense and flowery. I think in canon he mentions Wukong erasing his name from The Book of the Dead though.

The squad are on close monitoring and/or house arrest until Heaven can figure out what the heck Wukong and MK are exactly able to do.

Macaque's own hearing powers mentioned in Jttw could also be similar to Wukong's fate-changing ability.

A sensitive ear, Discernment of fundamental principles, Knowledge of past and future, And comprehension of all things.

Macaque is able to know, but Wukong is able to act. Macaque has knowledge of the past, present, and future through his ears, but can't do much to change it. Wukong meanwhile has broken down so many barriers and saved so many lives completely unknowing.

The celestial primates as a whole could be individuals with these specific "screw destiny!"-powers gifted/created by the Universe to defy expectations of the Gods.

I would also like to mention an idea we had in DMs about Nüwa and her mate Fuxi the ape-man - that MK (and possibly even Wukong) were created specifically so they could have the choice to save/restart the world when the apocalypse came to past.

Cus whats the most powerful thing in the universe besides the chaos entropy? The ability to choose your fate.

#lmk drafted fate au #sun wukong #lmk mk #qi xiaotian #liu er mihou #six eared macaque #lmk li jing #lmk xiwangmu #lmk queen mother of the west #lmk nezha #lmk aus #lmk #lego monkie kid

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rcmclachlan · 10 hours ago

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2024 Tumblr Top 10

Tagged by the wonderful @liminalmemories21

How it works: Share your top 10 tumblr posts from last year! Visit this site, scroll down to "Find your Tumblr Top 10," type in your username, and select 2024. When you get the results, simply click "Share to Tumblr" and you'll get an auto-generated draft for a post with links and previews. Make any adjustments you see fit.

Surprising no one, all my top posts in 2024 were about BuckTommy. Here’s the breakdown:

1. Tommy’s just as insane as Buck (1,184 notes - Aug 15 2024)

This is probably my favorite post of the year, so I’m glad it’s sitting pretty at number one. Even after what we’ve learned about Tommy since I posted it, I still stand by it. There is no way Mr. Sure I’ll Fly Into A Hurricane On A Hunch is normal about anything.

2. Amnion (mpreg, 8x06 fix-it) (777 notes - Nov 9 2024)

This predated the mpreg tsunami that hit the fandom by about a week, but if you’ve been following me since April, you’ll know that dadvans and I had been surfing that wave all along.

3. Season 4 alternate meeting (726 notes - Aug 10 2024)

I’ve got a list as long as my arm of ways Buck and Tommy could’ve met earlier, but the idea of “what if their paths crossed the day Buck learns about Daniel” grabbed onto my ankle like a mutant west highland white terrier and wouldn’t let go.

It eventually became the fic Histocompatibility on AO3.

4. 8x05 spec fic ("Kiss me, Thomas!”) (704 notes - Oct 23 2024)

I wrote this after the first pictures of Buck’s face dropped a couple of days before the episode aired. At the time, we could only see one boil (I think the most popular theory was that a spider had laid eggs in his face, a la Scary Stories To Tell In The Dark), so I decided to have a little fun.

Apologies to the people who were scarred for life after learning what a giant weta is.

5. The 118-217 Shadow Summit headcanon (665 notes - Dec 29 2024)

A very late addition to the list! There I was with all these headcanons, still mourning the breakup and wishing the show had given us some cross-station shenanigans, when I realized I could solve all my problems with fic. Why would I try to get Buck and Tommy back together when the yahoos at the 118 and 217 could do it for me?

Then I took it a step further with this missing scene, which I had an absolute blast writing. These people are bonkers (to me).

6. “So? Tell me about the hot pilot.” (652 notes - Sep 13 2024)

I can never get enough of the Buckley siblings, and since the show finally gave us something substantial with 7x05, I decided to delve a little deeper into Buck and Maddie’s conversation about Buck’s bisexuality and the man responsible for opening his eyes to it.

It eventually became the fic Table of Contents on AO3.

7. New Year’s Eve fix-it ficlet (651 notes - Jan 1 2025)

Okay, technically it shouldn’t be on the list because I posted it in the new year, but I wrote it a couple of hours before midnight while watching Wicked with friends, so I’m including it. It was a half-baked idea that became a half-baked fic, but it seemed like people enjoyed it, so I’m taking that energy into the new year!

8. More 8x05 spec fic (missing scene) (589 notes - Oct 24 2024)

Another fic that was born out of the episode previews, which allowed me to bring my 217 OCs out to play. All I kept thinking was, ‘What was going through these people’s heads when they heard dispatch say a body had been found at the 118? Probably something along the lines of: must be Tuesday.’

9. Pregnancy kink ficlet/headcanon (526 notes - Aug 29 2024)

No explanation necessary.

10. Relative Value (499 notes - Jun 26 2024)

“Give me Uncle Tommy or give me death” has been my mantra since Tommy and Buck made out in front of God, country, and the entire First Presbyterian ER lobby. Also, it’s a headcanon of mine that all the 118 kids are obsessed with him, much to Tommy’s confusion and amusement.

It eventually became Relative Value on AO3.

Well, this was a fun little retrospective! I can’t believe this dumb show pushed me out of writer’s block limbo as hard as it did, but I’m very grateful.

Tagging: @dadvans, @screamlet, @epiphainie, @leashybebes, and @beanarie

#tumblrtop10 #bucktommy #rc's 911 fics

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aeferkssr · 2 days ago

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♫ a night to remember - beabadoobee, laufey

soulmate au, slight royale au, kinda rushed, i got a stroke of inpriration and knew i had to get this out of me today or else it would of rotted in my drafts

the soft hum of conversation surrounds you and your friend, mualani, as you step into the cozy café. the scent of freshly brewed coffee and warm pastries wraps around you like a comforting hug. she has been telling you about this cafe for months now and now that finals are over, you finally have the time.

you order from the cashier — an iced matcha latte with cold foam and extra sweetner, you can't stand bitter things, and a croissant -- and settle into a small table by the window. as you wait for mualani to order hers, your vision gazes around the cozy atmosphere.

the menu written in chalk and accompanied by small seasonal drawings, the wooden chairs you were seated on and the soft jazz playing lowly on the speakers. the windchimes hung on the door outside that swayed and played a soft melody. you close your eyes to fully soak in the ambiance. opening your eyes when you felt the table shift under you, expecting it to be mualani.

and then, you notice him.

long hair tied up in a neat braid flows down his back, shaggy yet kept tufts of hair at the crown of his head. you can't make out the details of his outfit but he seems to be wearing a black band tee with loose fitting jeans. he looks down to his coffee that was just handed to him and he turns around.

you feel... awestruck. immediatly, your head rung with a plethora of questions: "who is that?" "what's he doing here?" and most confusingly, "why does he seem so.. familiar?"

said "familiar stranger" now stands in front of you, gesturing to the chair beside you.

"is this seat taken?" he asks. the round table had 4 chairs surrounding its circumference -- originally planned for you, mualani, and your bags -- so you nod and take your bag up. he places down his coffee and sits on the plush chair.

its a little awkward with a complete stranger sitting next to you, so you look to your phone, swiping between home screens to at least seem busy.

your bag falls from your lap as you shift in your seat. the both of you look down at the soft thud and reach down to pick it up, your hands slightly grazing each other. the both of your eyes meet, then the world starts to blur.

suddenly you've been taken into a grand ballroom, the moonlight illuminating the candle lit. ornate shades of gold and silver start to surround you as your enveloped fully. other couples sway and waltz around you to the live orchestra playing to the corner of the room.

you gaze down in front of you to the same person you had just locked eyes with prior, the stranger dons a suit of ivory and gold, a blazer perfectly draped over his shoulders, and an ebony tie to match with his shoes. his rich, golden hair styled out of his face.

he leans down to press a sincere kiss onto your gloved hand, never once breaking eye contact,

"what's a fine lady as yourself doing at this place?" he queries, his gentle hold on your hand never ceasing.

you hum "clearly you know not who you are talking to. this is the ball father has arranged for my hand."

his gave widens then softens within seconds, a small smile develops on his lips. his hand entangles with your own and he brings his other arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him.

"the, may i have the honour of dancing with you this evening?"

"certainly," you mumble under your breath. too lost in his enchanting titian eyes to notice your shift in location.

"great! so i'll see you tonight at 6?" he squeezes your palm, both his hands encompassing yours as he waits for a response.

you agree half-mindedly as he flashes you one last smile and exits the cafe, the windchimes ringing as he opens the door. you watch him as he walks further and further from you, feeling as if something is missing.

you look down to your palm, still warm (and a little clammy) from the previous interaction. you didn't have the time to process what the hell just happened before mualani hops to your side, yapping about gods knows what.

"helloooo?~ earth to besiteee?~" she says with a sing-song tone, that finally snaps you out of the clouded gaze at your hand.

"oh you're whipped, huh?" mualani teases as she lightly jabs your side, her eyebrows wiggling at the interaction you had with the handsome stranger.

"no way, 'lani. i literally just met the guy." you respond, walking back to the cafe counter to pick up your food.

your mind wonders again when your by yourself. that interaction you had with this stranger was so enchanting, like you could of sworn you've seen him before.

maybe in another lifetime, maybe.

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin x y/n #aether #genshin impact aether #aether fluff #aether x reader #aether x y/n #aether x you

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blackaquokat · 23 hours ago

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First IF MCs Post!

So I've been playing IFs going on five years now, but I think I've only ever made one post about who they are, like, a year or two ago. They mostly only exist on the discord discussions or DMs with fellow IF fans because I also have no art skill (though I should post the Infamous fics I have in my drafts eventually--).

All that to say, getting a shoutout from @loveandleases herself (STILL RIDING THAT HIGH) has finally given me the kick I need to post about some of my MCs. This might open a floodgate for MANY of my OCs that I still yet have to talk about, so everyone beware!

(Picrews used will be credited at the bottom of the post)

First up, my Cam-mancer, Peridot "Dot" (last name tbd)! (Might change her eyes to hazel, but I'm keeping this picrew image for now.)

She started out very similar to my Infamous main, Genevieve, but now she's come into a life of her own. Has been hopelessly in love with Cam for most of her life, but resigned herself to just happily being his best friend (not knowing, of course, what the rest of us know about Cam--). Chris and Jade's betrayal stung, especially with what it solidified about the kind of people those two are, but I think a big part of her arc is realizing that she's not as heartbroken as she thinks she should have been about it. Then it's just her reconciling the years lost.

Anyway, she's a quiet, sweet woman, who normally doesn't mind not having attention on herself, but she's mostly become that way because of Jade demanding so much. She's also an artist, often preferring to spend evenings in the quiet, painting and sketching. I think she definitely has a stash of paintings she's made of Cam's pictures that she gives to him on bad days or his birthdays. She's a passable cook, but a far more enthused baker. It's mostly a calming activity for her when she's stressed, though her friends and loved ones certainly enjoy the results. The Clarke parents still talk about her pear custard recipe, even after the breakup.

She's still relatively new, along with the other MC I'm about to share, so I'll probably think of even more details as they grow and as the game progresses!

Anyway, now for Jumana, my G-mancer!

Jumana (last name also tbd) goes back to my usual trend with making MCs: she's of Lebanese heritage. She's a departure, however, because she's got grey eyes instead of brown like I usually give my Lebanese-coded MCs. She also met G during her goth phase in college (it slowly just turned to grunge), so this is the look that eventually grabbed G by the throat. She's not afraid to throw punches, but will try to talk people down first. Unless she's mad. Then all bets are off. Someone will be thrown across a desk. She is Very strong, and Very scrappy and she will not be fucked with.

Anyway, she's also a Literature Nerd and is almost always reading, especially in inconvenient spots. It drove G insane, because they never seemed to see her study in public, so HOW was she keeping up with their grades--

I do think, however, she's not a particularly ambitious person. I think she got high grades like G and that got under their skin and their reaction tickled her so much that she just. Kept trying to get high grades so she could keep getting a reaction out of them. Honestly, if G hadn't been there, she might not have tried so hard in college. But she definitely had a crush on them well before they probably realized their own feelings. Losing G gutted her, they were It for her. Chris was absolutely a rebound, and maybe a bit of self-punishment. Maybe a terrible part of her hoped being with Chris would one day get G angry enough to come back to her life, tell her to be with them, not Chris.

Now that Chris and Jade have royally betrayed her? Well. Jumana has ideas for making their lives miserable without her actually getting involved with them again, and that goes for her parents too, for their own betrayal--

I'm sure I'll think of more as time goes on, but in the meantime, these are my gals! Can't wait to see how they fit into the game!

Picrew used for the images:

#love and leases #kat's ocs #if games #this game is so damn gooood #i'm so excited to make more MCs for everyone else #now that i have Dot for Cam #I can use Genevieve to figure out what I want in an MC for Ardent #and i might use Quinn to find out Isaac or the Isaac x Kara poly--

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tryingtofindava · 1 day ago

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𝐁𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐝 𝐌𝐞 𝐔𝐩

𝐄𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐖𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

: ̗̀➛Back to source

Scenario: Winter depression hits Ellie like a snowball, being the loving girlfriend you are you want to of course cheer her up for the holidays. What better way to do that then build a snowman? Maybe even build Ellie back up too…

⋆꙳•❅*‧ ��*❆ ₊⋆･:*:｡･:*:･ﾟ⋆꙳•❅*‧ ‧*❆ ₊⋆･:*:｡･:*:･ﾟ⋆꙳•❅ ⋆꙳•❅*‧ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

“Babe… it’s cold, c’mon.” Ellie called for you again as you tracked through the thick snow, Jackson has always had the fluffiest thickest snowfall you could ever imagine.

“It’s your fault you’re cold!! Who wears converse in the snow??” You called back to the girl, a smile on your face as you finally found the perfect place to start building up your snowman. You could practically feel Ellie’s eye roll.

The past few days Ellie had just been down, winter depression making her act like a kicked puppy 25/8. And this was your attempt at cheering up the freckled faced girl.

“What’re you even doing…??” She questions you, now beside you as you crouched to the ground and started to roll snow. “Making a snowman, duh…” You look up at her, her brows just furrowed in response.

“Make the second layer for me, Els.” The demand left your lips, she sighed as she started rolling up the snow to make the second layer.

Once you finished the base of the soon to be snowman, Ellie lifted the second part up on top of your base with ease. A small smile etched on your lips, you looked over at Ellie, only to see the auburn haired girl working away at creating the snowman’s head.

You’re smile only grew, as your turned away to start to find little stones and sticks, to decorate your snowman.

Picking up everyone you can get your hands were filled with little stones, you dumped them at yours and Ellie’s feet. The two of you glanced at each other, giving her a nudge before you guys got to work.

Giggling as you guys bumped hands trying to pick up the same pebbles. Smooshing them into the snow of the snowman.

Taking a step back you admire your work, hands on your hips. “He’s naked…” Ellie mumbles, you looked up at her, you could see the faint smile pulling at the corners of her lips.

“Not anymoreeeee~!!” You spoke gently in a sing song voice, taking your bobble bag off and stretching it to fit over the snowman’s head. Ellie follows yours lead and unwraps her scarf and placed it around the snowman’s head.

Admiring your work, you nudge Ellie with a grin. “Not too shabby, huh…?” You wiggle your brows, which warned a roll of the eyes from your girl.

But you could see her faint smile, small… but still definitely there. “It’s not the worst lookin’ snowman I’ve ever seen…” She hummed, shrugging. You giggled at her before leaning up to capture her lips in a sweet kiss. “Let’s head homes your shivering…”

You whisper softly, running your hands up and down her arms. She took your hand, and pulled you along. “Finally! I’m gonna get hypothermia out here!!”

⋆꙳•❅*‧ ‧*❆ ₊⋆･:*:｡･:*:･ﾟ⋆꙳•❅*‧ ‧*❆ ₊⋆･:*:｡･:*:･ﾟ⋆꙳•❅ ⋆꙳•❅*‧ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

eh it’s short n shitty but I wanted to get it out the way since I was supposed to post this for Christmas… my bad :p so excuse the poor spelling and grammar I’m sleep deprived and wanted this out the drafts LMAO

Always last list for the Christmas chronicles this year hehe

#ellie x fem reader #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #tlou x reader #the last of us x reader #tlou ellie x reader

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aritsukemo · 2 days ago

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Gifts | Demon Slayers

Summary: In which someone gives you a gift and they find out.

Characters: Obanai, Kanao, Inosuke, Zenitsu, and Kanae

Warnings: Old draft so possibly extra bad grammar mistakes. Majority of these are pretty unserious pretty unserious. Extreme depictions of jealousy ahead ( Obanai and Zenitsu ) Inosuke being Inosuke, aside from that it's pretty fluffy. Female reader is implied ( Some much more than others ) Read at your own volition.

A/N: I start school again on Wednesday and the news has me so depressed that I've been unable to write anything. That said, anything posted in the near future will be scheduled ahead of time. This was written over on my Wattpad some time before I quit. ( Which you can find the full scenario here ) It's nothing much, but it's something.

"Aren't these beautiful?" You gasped out as you presented your boyfriend the glittering bouquet of roses. A beautiful collection in your favorite color and non-stick glitter—something he doesn't recall buying you.

"They're nice," He replies. His movements slowed as he slides his bag strap over his head and off of his shoulder. His eyes never left the bundle in your polished hands, and you were too busy oogling to notice, but his gaze hardened the longer he stared.

He didn't buy that for you, but they got here somehow. So, did you buy them for yourself? He decides to ask, "Did you buy those for yourself? If so, you didn't have to. If you would've told me, I could've bought that and more for you on my way home."

Your smile widens, "As always, you're the sweetest man I could've ever asked for," and you set the flowers aside at last, granting him the blessing to see your gorgeous, cheesing face as you walked up to him.

You leaned in, planting your lips to his slightly bandaged cheek, and for a moment, the boiling lava that had began to bubble at the base of his chest cooled as did his thoughts. It only lasted for a moment though, because as soon as you parted from him, you replied to his previous question.

"I actually didn't buy these myself. A coworker of mine did," And that simple response was enough for that volcano inside him explode all over again. Not that you could tell. On the outside, he seemed as calm as usual aside from the many veins flexing from his head that you didn't seem to catch.

"Oh really?"

You nod your head, "Mhm! But really I should've been the one to give them roses! They close up the restaurant for me all the time so that I don't have to risk the dangers of driving too late at night. Same goes for my shifts! Ever since they were hired, I haven't had to deal with late night weirdos!"

Obanai was nodding along, but not a single one of your words had processed in his head. His mind was on other things, other people—a certain cretin matching your description down to the tee coming to his mind and infuriating him so badly that one would think the lava inside of him would just boil right out through his pores and melt his skin.

But, of course, his voice gave away the exact opposite of what he was feeling when he spoke to you, "Say, love, is the coworker who bought you these also the one who walked you to the car last Friday?"

"Yeah! I'm glad you remember them!" You obliviously replied and he followed up with, "..And they're working the night shift tonight, right?"

"Yes..but why are you—"

"No reason," He simply said to you before leaning in and planting a bandaged, tender kiss to the side of your head, promptly ignoring the confused look you give him as he turns on his heel.

"I'm going out," He says, your favorite little snake beginning to peak from his clothes as he walked, grabbing his work bag filled with textbooks and graded papers in the process which only left you more befuddled.

"Huh, but you just got here.. Where are you going?"

"Don't worry, I won't be long. I'm simply in the mood for takeout. I'll be back with some for us in a little while."

"..Oh. Well, alright. Be safe!"

"Morning, Kanao!" You chirped after catching her in one of the many hallways of the Butterfly Manor.

At the lovely tune of your voice, her lips—which were moving since she was passing on Shinobu's instructions to a Kakushi—stilled. Her gorgeous lilac eyes seemed to noticeably sparkle as she caught a glimpse of you. Although it could've just been due to the lighting or your imagination..

As the Kakushi left, Kanao made quick strides up to you, her uniform's skirt, which she was still wearing having just got home, swaying with every little sway of her hip or movement of her thighs. She stops before you, allowing you to pull her in and squeeze the daylights out of her, all while wearing her usual smile.

"I'm so glad you made it back safely!" You said, parting from your crushing hug after a while, "And not a scratch on you! Hehe~!"

After you broke the hug, Kanao's eyes darted down, watching your lips move in a rapid succession as you began rambling about what you did last night. She was listening for the most part, but her eyes never left your mouth which she noticed was rather dolled up and coated by a unfamiliar, but pretty lipgloss.

It was a little darker than what you'd usually wear, but it still fits you perfectly as it contrasted your skin well and ultimately brought out your eyes more. Your smile too—she especially loved how it looked stained in that color.

"Ah-! Sorry! Did I start rambling?" You said upon the realization, your face beginning to grow hot from embarrassment.

"Look at me! You just got home and I'm already talking your ear off.." And then your lips dipped down into a small frown, which she'd be lying if she said didn't look just as pretty as your smile when all shiny like that.

As your lips parted to allow another apology to slip out, Kanao leaned in and captured them with her own. It caught you off guard, but on instinct, your mouth closed and only opened again when she eventually parted..

"I- Kanao.." You were at a lost for words. It wasn't often that she initiated stuff, much less kisses but..damn, did she look good with her lips coated in your new lipgloss.

..Oh, right! That's another reason you were excited to see her. You wanted to show her the new makeup kit you were given! Right! Foucs!

"Oh, Kanao! This really nice woman gave me a makeup kit for free the other evening while I was out shopping! She called me pretty and said it would suit me! ..Ah, but in the end, I still only have the courage to wear the lipgloss.."

"Do you.. Do you think I look as nice as the lady told me I'd look..?" You asked, semi-nervous. You couldn't help it. Even though you know there's a bat's chance in hell that she'd insult you, the possibilty was still there. Not that it lasted very long. As soon as you finished talking, Kanao leaned in again, answering your question by deciding to cherish your lips in kiss so sweet, it put Mitsuri's pancakes to shame.

"Uhm..Inosuke. What exactly am I looking at?" You questioned as you stared at the ring in your palms which was currently staining your hands brown and let off a putrid odor.

"It's a flower crown! I made it myself!" He said proudly, puffing his chest as he did so. You couldn't help the way your brows knit together.

"Is that so.." You mumbled out, trying to find the right words to say about this..gift.

Flower crown, he said, but there's not a flower in sight. Just twigs forced together by wet, sticky mud. It was nothing like the pretty arrangement set atop your head right now that was given to you by Kanao and certainly not as nice smelling. Nevertheless, you stretch a smile on your face and tell him in the most convincing happy tone you could muster, "Thanks, Inosuke! I'll cherish it!"

Unfortunately for you, that doesn't seem to satisfy him. After you thanked him, he went silent, staring at you for a long while. You had to resist the urge to scratch your cheek and stain it with mud to alleviate the awkward feeling in your gut..

"What's wrong?" You asked, the color draining from your face when he told you, "Put it on."

"B- But, I already have a crown on," You said, your smile crinkling at the ends, "And two crowns would look silly.."

"Then take off that one," He said in a 'duh' tone of voice. Your smile wrinkles even more.

"Uhm..b- but if I do that..then the mud will melt away and I won't be able to wear again— Yeah!" You stammered, "I think Tanjiro said it'll rain soon! You spent so long working on this..uh- wonderful crown for me that I wouldn't want it to get ruined!"

Inosuke pauses, and for each second of silence that passed, the image of your head soiled by mud as twigs poked you became clearer and clearer. Luckily, the next words Inosuke says are just what you were praying to hear.

"I knew that!" He said, "Obviously, I was just testing you to see if you knew that it would rain soon!" And you sighed out a breath of pure relief as you nodded your head.

"Right, right.. Of course," You said, "Glad I passed the test then."

"And I promise, I'll wear it as soon as the rain passes," You ended up leaving it out by 'accident' in the end. Best part is that you had managed to stray so far away from the topic of the gift that Inosuke eventually forgot about it! ..Unfortunately, it was at the cost of the flower crown Kanao made you as you found it too risky to wear it around your boyfriend out of fear he'll remember that god awful mud crown.

"I'ma kill him!" Your boyfriend said, veins flexing from every angle of his face with nothing short of murder in his whited out eyes.

"Zenitsu," You called sternly, "Don't you dare." But it doesn't seem that he was willing to listen to reason. That said, you latched onto him as soon as he began walking. Nevertheless, Zenitsu was as determined as ever and kept trying to walk away. With you being physically stronger, however, he didn't get anywhere and was forced to walk in place.

"It's was just a kiss on the cheek. Plus he's a literal child," You said, causing the man you loved to look back at you with eyes of betrayal.

"Exactly! A kiss on the cheek! That squirt tainted my girlfriend's cheek with his lips!" He shrieked before his head turned as did his tone, changing to one much more aggressive as he said, "He needs to be dealt with!"

"No one is getting dealt with!" You yelled, "I'm not letting you hurt a kid who's done nothing wrong!" And you turned and began walking away, arm still tightly gripping your boyfriend's arm. Zenitsu had no choice but to be dragged away by you, steam practically blowing out of his ears as he caught a glimpse at the little boy who kissed you—who was laughing and grinning from ear to ear.

He's never wanted to dice someone up more in his life.

"Oh my," The drawled chime of your girlfriend's surprise was the first thing you heard when you stepped into the common room. It causes your eyes to wander, trailing over to the couch where Kanae was waiting for you with a smile on her face.

"I know it's been some time since we've last spent time together, but you didn't have to dress up for me. Not that I'm complaining," Her glossed lips parts, opening just enough for her to slide her cup between them. She then speaks, her voice bouncing around and vibrating the cup, making ripples in the tea inside, "There's nothing better than having a nice view while you drink or eat something, makes it taste ten times better!"

You could feel your skin being set aflame at her words, but you played it off in the best way you could; by giggling like a little girl.

"Well aren't you the smooth talker," You said as you walked up to her. Your hand reaching out to accept the cup she had begun to raise in your direction, "Are you trying to fluster me or something? If so, it'll take a lot more than pretty words."

"Not at all," She says, but her smile told you otherwise. Not that you cared enough to call it out, deciding to sit beside her instead, "But really, I'm surprised! That type of clothing isn't something you tend to wear after all."

"Shinazugawa bought it for me a while back. We were out on a mission togther and my clothes were in tatters by the end of the fight. Since it was raining, he took me to the first inn he could find and bought the first thing he saw at the market we passed through and told me to put it on," You explained, adding, "And that something happened to look like somehing out of a fairytale.."

"Is that so? He really did that?" She said, her voice pitching as her tone perked up, "He's come such a long way from that meeting! I'm so happy for him!" And then she takes another sip of her tea, "Next time I see him, I'll pass on my thanks to him for his kindness!"

"Pass on mines as well," You said, reaching for one of the many treats set on the table, "He went out on his next mission while I was changing so I never got the chance to."

Dividers were made by me, pictures used are from Pinterest, post formatting is inspired by @xxsabitoxx

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moregraceful · 1 day ago

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#rattling the windows of the nyt LET ME IIIIIINNNNNNN I WANNA READ THIS SO BADLY STOP PUTTING INTERESTING ARTICLES BEHIND A PAYWALL (@proceedwcandy)

no worries comrade I got you anytime 🫡 if the Athletic did not want me to wholesale copy and paste their articles then they should consider not putting ads in the app that I pay money for

What Sharks players got wrong (and have learned) about living in San Jose By Corey Masisak Mar 31, 2023

The idea for this edition of The Athletic’s ongoing series of stories called “What I Got Wrong” came from Nico Sturm.

Like Sturm, I recently moved to San Jose — it will be 15 months ago on April 10. When someone asked him early this season how he was adjusting to living here, he responded with, “It’s colder here than I expected.” Sturm began his NHL career in Minnesota, with a brief stop in Colorado last season.

Save for a 10-month hiatus in Charlotte, North Carolina, I spent my entire life living in the Northeast, or close enough to it — Pennsylvania, Washington, D.C. and New York City. I’d been to San Jose for work a few times, to San Francisco for work once and spent a couple days at an NHL owners’ meeting on the 17-mile drive (Spanish Bay, though the hotel I stayed at felt a million miles away from the majesty of those golf courses, both literally and figuratively).

The day I was offered the opportunity to move here and cover the Sharks, I didn’t know a lot about the area — all of my time in San Jose was spent downtown. I did a lot of research before actually moving out here, but a few things still surprised me. Like Sturm, the weather was one of them.

We have what I’d consider three seasons here, which is more than I expected. I thought it was going to warm and … slightly less warm. I love that my collection of hoodies and vests and other spring/fall-related clothes didn’t get left in boxes at my mom’s house in Western Pennsylvania. I love that there was snow on the mountains behind the foothills on March 30, even if there has been a lot of rain in 2023.

The other thing I got wrong was the food. My expectations were, let’s call it measured, after living in Manhattan for most of the past 10 years. I knew about the spaghetti at OJ’s and the burritos at La Vic’s, but there is so much great food here, and so many people, a lot of whom I’ve never met, have helped me discover it.

So when I had to think of an idea for a “What I Got Wrong” story, I remembered that chat with Sturm. And I thought, what if I ask a bunch of Sharks what they got wrong about living here?

Some of the answers are similar. Some are not. Marc-Edouard Vlasic wins the award for making me laugh the hardest with his very unexpected response.

What did you know about San Jose before moving here?

Erik Karlsson: I came here at least a few times. I didn’t know much. I knew Santana Row, and the area around it. I knew Napa was close, and San Francisco.

Logan Couture: I didn’t know where it was. I thought it was near Mexico. We didn’t learn a lot of American geography. I started watching more Sharks games on the bus in Ottawa when Jamie McGinn got drafted, but I never looked it up on a map. That obviously feels dumb now looking back at it, but I was 18.

Marc-Edouard Vlasic: Nothing.

Noah Gregor: Nothing. The Sharks – that’s about it.

Kevin Labanc: I knew absolutely nothing. I thought it was going to be a beach town, like San Diego.

Mario Ferarro: Nothing.

Matt Benning: I thought we were in a drought? That’s about it.

Nico Sturm: What did I know about San Jose? The tech bubble. That’s about it.

Oskar Lindblom: I knew about Santana Row, but that was pretty much it. And the weather was always nice.

Steven Lorentz: I wasn’t a huge California expert, but beaches and palm trees and warm weather. Also, with San Jose, I just knew it was Silicon Valley.

Kaapo Kahkonen (He rattled off a bunch of places. Kahkonen clearly did more homework than his teammates): I grew up in Europe and when I was younger, my goal was to play over here. I’m not saying I did research on every NHL city, but I did learn about California, the Midwest, the East Coast.

Jacob MacDonald: Just that it is ridiculously expensive. That was one of the first thoughts I had. Then a couple of the guys talked about how nice the weather is. Somebody the first couple of days I was here was complaining about how cold it was. I was like, “It just snowed eight inches at my place in Colorado. I think we’re doing OK here.”

Radim Simek: I knew Tommy Hertl. Other than that, nothing. I knew it was in California. It was pretty crazy. I started talking to them in like January or February and I signed my contract in May. I was just trying to learn English. I didn’t have time to learn about (the city).

What did you get wrong, or what surprised you after living here?

Karlsson: How beautiful it is. I think the nature is pretty hard to beat anywhere you go, or at least anywhere I’ve been that’s not a tropical island. I just like the mountains the greenery and the ocean. You get a lot of different things that you don’t in most other places in the U.S.

Couture: Around the time I got drafted, they had the San Jose Stealth lacrosse team, and my dad reffed some games here. And I came out for some camps, so we talked about the weather first off, just that it was incredible. It was such a different day-to-day life than I was used to. The people are different, the food is different, the culture is a bit different, although Ontario is very multicultural now. There are a lot of good places to eat. I’ve learned over 14 years that you can get every type of food in a lot of good restaurants. And the people are extremely nice. At first, I thought it was going to be different than Canada, but people are really nice here as well.

Vlasic: I didn’t know you had to pay for your water. That surprised me. You pay for the water and it’s crap.

Wait … so you didn’t pay for water in Quebec?

No. We have huge dams up north, and the water is fantastic. You can drink it right out of the faucet. It doesn’t rot your pipes. At one point, I was like why are all my silver kitchen faucets corroded? There’s so much corrosion. But I have to pay for it? And I can’t drink it? There’s a lot of calcium in it. That shocked me. But the weather is very nice. And the people are very nice. It’s very dog-friendly here, and I really enjoy that. Quebec is (dog friendly) but not as much as here. I can bring my dogs anywhere here.

Gregor: I know it hasn’t been as good this year because of the way we’ve been playing, but the fans are unbelievable. I never really expected a California team to have fans show up and support us like they do here. I know a lot of my buddies from around the league always say when they come into the Shark Tank and it’s bumpin’ it’s one of the best arenas in the league to play in.

Labanc: I remember asking one of the guys here, like what should I pack? Should I just bring shorts, or will I need long sleeves and sweaters? I thought it was just going to be 70, 80, 90 degrees all year round but you get here and find out that the winters are colder. It can get pretty chilly. You can see snow on top of the mountains. There’s so much to do around here, and it’s nice to be in a community where people are so involved. It’s not like one big town, it’s a bunch of little towns spread across the area.

Ferraro: The immediate thing was California, so I was like warm weather always, beaches everywhere and celebrities like Hollywood. But then I realized that California is very big. The weather does get cold, and the beaches aren’t out your front door, and Hollywood is a five-hour drive. But, the weather is still phenomenal and way better than anything I dealt with in Toronto, there are still beaches and I don’t mind commuting to them. The nature, the views, the mountains, there are a lot of great things. So it exceeded my expectations in the end, but when I first came here for a camp and was staying in a hotel in downtown San Jose, it wasn’t quite what I expected. Now that I’ve lived here for three years, I know I like it a lot.

Benning: I didn’t have a lot of expectations. Everywhere you go is different. Coming from Tennessee, I guess I thought the Cali lifestyle is pretty laid back, but in reality people are always going here, working hard. Maybe at the beach, people are just chilling out, but from what I’ve seen people work a lot here and they work hard.

Sturm: The weather has not been what I expected. I thought it would be a little warmer throughout the winter, though all the guys have said this was not the usual. So the weather, and how multicultural it is. It’s really a melting pot. I guess that’s because of the location, right? And the tech industry. It’s really an interesting mix of people, so that has been interesting. That wasn’t something I realized before coming here.

Lindblom: It didn’t really surprise me, but I have a dog and we go on a lot of walks, and there’s just a lot of beautiful nature around here. A lot of new places to see. The longer I’m here, the more I like it.

Sturm: There are a lot of different backgrounds here. It’s been interesting to learn about all the diversity here. It’s just a really cool community. I was definitely wrong about all the sunshine. It’s been freakin’ raining like, all the time and a little chilly, but otherwise, it’s been great.

Kahkonen: The guys have said that it has been raining way more than normal this year. That’s the only thing I’ve really been surprised about.

MacDonald: I was right about it being so expensive, but it’s just such a nice place to live. It’s sunny all the time. That’s one of the things I loved about Colorado too was all the sunshine. Everything here is really close. That’s one thing I didn’t expect. Depending on where you live, either rink is like 5-10 minutes away. Colorado was the opposite — everything was super spread out.

Simek: I’m not a big fan of big towns or shopping areas. But I was surprised by the people. They are so friendly here. It is much different than in the Czech Republic. Also when you order things, they come so quick here.

Do you have a favorite place after settling in that you didn’t know about before moving here?

Karlsson: I live in Los Gatos now, so I’d say that. It’s close to the beach and to the mountains. It’s easy to get anywhere from there. I was surprised there was a neighborhood like that. Well, there are numerous neighborhoods like that here.

Vlasic: Tahoe. I like to go on the Nevada side. It’s a little quieter.

Gregor: Carmel for sure is my favorite place. I hadn’t heard of it at all and I’ve been there about three times in the past year alone. I just love the small, kind of European vibe to it. You’re right on the beach. It’s my favorite spot in the area.

Labanc: Napa. It’s just … I love going up there. Lake Tahoe, like if we want to get some snow around Christmas time, we head up to the mountains. And definitely Carmel-By-The-Sea. That’s a beautiful spot. That definitely wowed me the first time.

Ferarro: I think it’s the 17-mile drive, Pebble Beach, Carmel. That whole area is sick. Santa Cruz isn’t my go-to but it’s still really nice. I also really like Campbell and Los Gatos. Even downtown, I don’t hang out there a lot, but there are a couple nice museums I’ve been to.

Sturm: I don’t know if it’s a hangout spot per se, but my girlfriend and I really like Boba Guys on Santana Row. It’s funny, because we’re both coffee drinkers, so we’d go to Starbucks every day in Minnesota, and I was spending $15, $16 every day. So we got this really nice Swiss coffee machine from Europe. Now I haven’t been to Starbucks all year because of this coffee machine … but now I spend $15 at Boba Guys instead.

Lindblom: I drove down to Santa Cruz, and that was really beautiful. It was fun watching the surfers in the water. Back home, we don’t really have that. Half Moon Bay was really nice too, and all the wineries around. It’s different from what I’m used to.

Kahkonen: There are a lot of opportunities for hiking or walking on the beach. The one really cool thing we did was the 17-mile drive and saw Pebble Beach, Carmel. We went for lunch at the golf club there. I don’t really golf, but that was pretty cool. So I guess I’ve been surprised by just how many things like that there are to see here. I’m also a big wine guy, and there is a lot of that around. I read somewhere that all this snow is going to be good for the vineyards, so maybe there will be some really good vintages in a few years.

Some more Nico lore from Corey Masisak's Sharks coverage:

The only thing he knew about San Jose before moving there was the tech industry

After moving to SJ he was surprised by the weather & the level of multiculturalism. He also mentions the tech industry has "an interesting mix of people" lmao

He & his partner used to spend $15 for coffee at Starbucks in Minnesota but after they bought a home coffee machine they stopped going to Starbucks & spend $15 at Boba Guys instead

From this article: www . nytimes . com/athletic/4367590/2023/03/31/sharks-san-jose-living/ (the other players' answers are also pretty interesting/funny - peep Vlasic complaining about having to pay for water vs. in Quebec)

BOBA GUYS????? BOBA GUYS FROM MY FANFIC?????

My favorite thing about this article is how they continuously doxx themselves. My second favorite part is how they all sound so scared by how friendly Californian are. Sorry Sharkies it is in our culture to be nice and not haters!

You know I did read this article way back when it was published and the ONLY thing I internalized was Pickles complaining about the water. Because he is RIGHT. The water in San Jose SUCKS. It's undrinkable!! It tastes so bad!! I wrecked more than Britta container bc of the calcium deposits. I had to throw out a tea pot at one point. And it's like why am I paying for something that is destroying every part of my bathtub. HE IS RIGHT TO COMPLAIN

thank you anon I forgot about this article and it's a delight!!

#san jose sharks #hockey for ts

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