#this is the first one i've made in a LOOOOONG time actually

[wistrea]

i’ll do the startling thing.    i’ll have the knife in my teeth.     i’ll be the star.    you can be the horrified one.

#WISTREA. a private writing blog for SHIROGANE KIRA, "THE CHAOS WITCH", an original character based primarily in original lore. summoned by aria [ they / them, 24, filipino ]

[many-but-one]

So, our system spent a looooong fucking time trying to reblog a post by someone that goes by @system-junk-spam but after typing it out it became unrebloggable, and then upon restarting the app we found that either they spontaneously deleted their blog or they somehow blocked us while we were typing something up, despite us having never interacted with them before. That, or tumblr mobile just straight up sucks. Highly probable.

Anyway, we worked really hard on the post and still want to share our thoughts, so we’re gonna put them here. We may get eaten alive for this take, but we’ve learned to not care what others think of us. We are allowed to believe things differently than our followers do and that’s okay. Hate will not be tolerated on this post. If I see it, you are blocked.

This is our theories on how endogenic plurality can possibly exist. We’ve talked about this before but not in great detail. We are literally just gonna copy-paste our response because oh my god it took so long to type out and then transfer to our notes app because the tumblr app was messing up. To TLDR the OP’s post, they were asking for genuine examples of endogenic plurality that wasn’t just someone actually having a CDD and thinking they are endo.

—

So, for starters, I used to be anti-endo. Kind of a dick about it to be honest, but not overly hateful towards endos. I have a post explaining that situation, where I also came forward with explaining that when I was a teen I thought I was an endo because I didn't have trauma—except I did, I just didn't know it yet. I also used to do roleplay—though not as a system, for the record. I just had characters I made that I later realized were heavily based on real alters in my brain and it was that alter's way of expressing themselves before they could be known by the host part at the time. So to say I understand where you are coming from, I understand where you are coming from. I have been that person. I went hard anti-endo at first, but slowly as I've begun healing and deciding "I don't really care what people do in their lives and it's not up to me to police that" I have become what I consider "syscourse neutral" but "fine with endos, I just don't interact with the community much because I'm not endo." Mainly with the feeling of "live and let live" and "they're people deserving of respect too" driving that stance.

I start with all of that preamble because at the end of the day, whether endos "really exist" or not just…doesn't matter. They're not actually taking our resources, they're not seeking out DID specialists because most of them know they don't have DID, and the whole narrative of them "making a mockery of the disorder" is pandering to fake claimers, who are the ones who point and laugh at the disorder whether you are endo or not. Endos are not the enemies of DID systems here, fake claimers are. And whether endos exist or not, fake claimers will still fake claim people with DID no matter what.

If you make this post with the concern that people who say they are endo may actually have a CDD and that can be damaging to their healing long term (it was for me personally) or they may take longer to realize they have a CDD (happened to me), the thing is, they will eventually discover that they have a CDD if that's what they really have. You have all of these examples of people realizing they actually had a CDD because those people eventually realized that's what they had. No matter what, at some point in someone's life, if they have a CDD and the right support, they will eventually realize they have a CDD—even if they initially think they are endogenic.

To go on a personal tangent, it was actually a very good thing that I thought I was endo for so long and got completely alienated from the entire CDD community because if I had discovered I had a CDD at the time, that could have had catastrophic consequences to my safety. When I finally started questioning the system thing again my first year of college, I not only nearly ended my life multiple times (other parts attempting), but I also ended up returning to my abusers and getting hurt again (callback programming, l'm a RAMCOA system). If I had discovered that as a teen? It could have been much worse than it was when I was an adult. I could have been retrafficked if I went back, rather than just reprogrammed and sent on my way, because I was still young enough to be “good product” as a teen, but as an adult they weren’t interested in my “service” anymore, they were more interested in making sure I remained programmed so I wouldn’t report them and they wouldn’t get in trouble. (Joke’s on them, I’m reporting them to the FBI. Suckers.)

My system finally allowed itself to be discovered in my final year of college because I was a mere month away from moving out with my then-fiancée at the time, who we believed could keep us safe should we display harmful behaviors. And we were right, even if she did end up being an abusive POS later. However, I still found out I was a CDD system and did get the help I needed. And even if the situation is not quite as dire for others, if someone who has a CDD believes they are endo, chances are, the system wants that for the time being. And who are we to try to disprove that endos exist just so people will be more accepting of themselves having a CDD? You said it yourself, that people knowing before they are ready can be damaging, so it's really not such a big deal whether or not endos are "real" if that's a way for a system to exist without having to hide while also still kind of "hiding" in a way.

HOWEVER! Now that I have become more open to the concept of endogenic plurality, I have put a lot of thought into "what if it really does exist? How would that happen??" Because gosh, how brains work is exceptionally cool, and if there is a way for endos to be real, that's pretty fucking neat.

So, for the record, I am not endo and I am not fully in their circles nor do I know much about origins whatsoever, so if anyone wants to chime in their thoughts or correct me on something, please do! For this next part, I'm calling endo alters/headmates "parts" just to keep the vocab streamlined and succinct.

Some common themes I notice in endos (for the most part):

They have basically no amnesia between parts

Some can create parts at-will, while others feel like they can't just create parts at will, but their parts just kind of exist

They usually can switch at-will or control switching to some degree or even completely

Some folks usually have some kind of trauma, but that's not saying much because all humans have trauma to some degree or another. Something I've noticed, though, is that this trauma is usually not in early childhood, but in later childhood, teen years, or adult years. (Please know this is not indicative of everyone, just what l've noticed in endos l've spoken to, don't come at me if your situation looks different please!)

All of these aspects come into play for my “theories” on how endogenic plurality can exist. For the record, my “theories” are more like…my own ponderings on the subject rather than something that should be taken as fact. Only endos can decide how they exist, not me.

So initially, my main theory with endos (which l've spoken about once, a while ago) is that it is "IFS on steroids."

IFS functions with the belief that all people have parts, and that to create cohesion in everyday life means finding ways to communicate between these parts and reach healing conclusions between them. Kinda like DID treatment except these parts don't have the "becoming autonomous and elaborating" part of DID. This is often seen in therapy related to addressing your "inner child" or "inner teen" but this can also apply to "the part of me that hates my dad" and "the part of me that wants him to love me." Remember, this is a singlet we are talking about, here! Singlets can also have conflicting and contradictory feelings about their family members. Having a "conversation" between these two parts might look like one of them stating all the reasons why it's better to cut him off because he always causes harm, while the other side may explain all the reasons why they want to keep him around. Weighing these "pros and cons" in this sort of scripted conversation between these two "parts" can help singlets come to an agreement between these two contradictory feelings and find a solution that is best for that singlet "as a whole."

However, what if someone who has parts of self like any singlet does finds a different way to converse with their parts? Or maybe not just converse, but imagine them? Consider that their "responsible self who is good at keeping on track" is the self that they kind of "dial into" at school or work, so that they stay on task—so then later, the part of themselves that prefers to goof off and have fun can have more time to do that. (These may be labeled as a “school/work self” and “home self” by singlets)

Maybe that responsible side of themselves feels like a guy whose name is probably like, Richard. And he's a boring, middle aged, office worker looking dude. And that fun and goofy version of themselves that would rather ignore homework feels like a teen named something funky like Rainbow. Well, the side of themselves that's responsible (Richard) is probably gonna get into a lot of arguments with the fun-loving side of themselves (Rainbow), which can look and feel like an internal debate or struggle of "well I can totally skip this assignment because I have a good grade and my show's season just dropped and I don't wanna fall behind while my friends are caught up" being answered with "um, no, if I don't stay on top of things, I'm gonna fall behind on my schoolwork, which is WAY more important than my show"

See how that can feel a bit like CDD but not actually be a CDD?

These endogenic IFS parts of self might even become slightly more autonomous (or seem slightly more autonomous) than a normal singlet's IFS parts over time, especially if having these internal conversations are a major coping skill during stressful times. These "stressful times" can literally just be "being a teenager" because holy shit being a teenager is stressful!! Does this mean every teen who is an endo in this sort of “IFS way” will grow out of it? No! If this is a positive coping mechanism that doesn't cause harm, they may still have these parts of self well into adulthood or even their whole life. Because guess what? Being an adult is also stressful as hell. It would make sense that these parts would follow them into adulthood.

They may even have traumas they have to address in therapy that these parts of self can help them address. This doesn't mean that trauma is held within a singular part to keep the others safe from the knowledge of said trauma like a CDD system, (even if that trauma is repressed—because even people who are traumatized as adults and non-systems can have repressed trauma) because most likely, all parts of self in this IFS situation are probably either totally aware (if it is not repressed) or totally unaware (if the trauma is repressed) and when it comes time to address said traumas, the parts (while maybe not quite as fully autonomous with completely separate experiences and memories like a CDD system) can still likely be quite elaborate and be very helpful when processing these traumas or negative experiences. Brains are cool! Brains are weird! They do weird stuff to cope with shit! I totally think it's plausible for someone's IFS parts to elaborate to some degree if it helps that person cope with life, even if they don't realize it's IFS or a singlet's version of plurality at all.

Does this mean they would technically be a singlet since they don't have a “genuinely” fragmented consciousness? Maybe?? Who are we to say, you know? If they feel like they are plural even if their consciousness is not fragmented in the same way a CDD system's would be, why not let them say they are plural? They are experiencing some kind of plurality, just completely differently than someone with a CDD-related fragmented consciousness would. Which is kinda neat, if you ask me.

I recently saw a tiktoker who explained they were misdiagnosed with DID, that they'd been re-evaluated by MULTIPLE CDD specialists and been told they do not have DID, but they have some kind of parts influenced by them being schizoaffective. They genuinely have parts of self that feel like they kind of "step in" to handle certain things, with names and appearances to boot, AND this person is very dissociative based on their scores on dissociative scales— which is why they were misdiagnosed by a trauma specialist (not a CDD specialist) in the first place. Their parts are coping skills based on their delusions. Does that make their parts any less real to that person? No, they still exist and they have for a long time, but they are not dissociative parts like in DID. They have some kind of parts that get them through daily life even though they do not have a dissociative disorder. How cool is that!!! They don't cause harm, so they're not something that has to be done away with or anything. This person can just BE schizoaffective with parts. And the therapists are cool with it. Go figure.

I haven’t even gotten to the part where someone with BPD can have schema modes that are kinda like parts. Not to mention that just because people with CPTSD and PTSD may not have fully autonomous ANPs and EPs like people with CDDs do doesn't mean that the person with BPD/CPTSD/PTSD may not try to “purposely” (or accidentally) semi-elaborate those parts by assigning names or identities to help them cope.

For example, if someone has an explosion of anger due to a trigger and that non-autonomous EP is responsible for it, they may associate that non-autonomous EP's anger with someone like, I dunno, Bakugo from MHA. (I know nothing about this anime I just know this is an angry guy don't come for me please lol) So every time this person gets triggered into an anger spiral, they may assign that behavior to a version of themselves that gets really angry like Bakugo, even though it's really just the ANP being influenced by the emotions of the non-autonomous EP. “Bakugo" may never “truly” be autonomous like an EP in a CDD system would be, but that person who has CPTSD or PTSD may feel like they "become Bakugo" every time they get triggered and angry because of that non-autonomous EP's influence. Eventually, the ANP may learn how to communicate with that non-autonomous EP Bakugo and learn coping strategies for “his” anger and process the traumas that caused that emotional response, which can actually help that person heal in the long run. I think non-CDD parts can totally be a helpful coping mechanism for trauma healing. Consider how much easier it is to be kind to someone else rather than yourself. A lot of trauma survivors are incredibly hard on themselves, but may do a 180 for their friends and uplift them when they are struggling with the same thing. If someone with C/PTSD finds it easier to communicate and encourage healing to “Bakugo” rather than themselves and it ends in them healing in the long run, I’d call that a net win.

Like sure, you can say "but they're not actually endo, they just have CPTSD" but like…if they don't have a fragmented consciousness but they feel like they "become Bakugo" every time that angry non-autonomous EP is triggered, wouldn't that kinda mean that they don't have CDD alters but still experience SOME form of plurality? They may have an extremely anxious non-autonomous EP that is like a different blorbo from their shows, or they might name a non-autonomous super depressed EP after Sadness from Inside Out. While they aren't experiencing CDD plurality, one cannot really argue that they aren't experiencing some kind of plurality, right?

And gosh, what about the folks who genuinely don't have serious enough trauma to have PTSD or CPTSD and aren't really needing the IFS parts to cope, but created their parts just because? Why not? Especially if they aren't trying to demedicalize DID a la Astrea's Web or purposely trying to throw vitriol into the community, what is the harm in it? I already mentioned that they really aren't making a mockery of the disorder, fake claimers are. So what’s the big deal, really?

Why can't we as traumagenic systems just let endos exist without concrete proof? From what l've gathered, there have been studies on non-traumagenic plurality (I believe @sysmedsaresexist has shared these studies before but I may be mistaken...sorry for the tag, SAS) so clearly scientists have noticed this is a thing that happens.

Aren't you, as a traumagenic system, fucking sick of fake claimers CONSTANTLY questioning your existence, your reality? Don't you think endos probably feel the same way towards us? Like yeah, we have a lot of scientific proof we exist, but fake claimers will straight up ignore that shit and say the scientists are wrong. Why are we doing literally the same shit? Like come on, put yourself in their shoes! Let them exist whether there's a bazillion studies on them or not! As long as they aren't trying to cause active harm to others or the community (most endos just wanna exist in peace without being constantly fake claimed and harassed, for the record—just like us traumagenic systems!), just let them be! Live and let live. We cannot dictate how they experience their life, whether it's real or not. (I personally think it is, it's just not the same as a CDD—our experiences with plurality are inherently different as a traumatized system of parts.)

I hope my very long ramble was of help to you and others?

Since opening up to the possibility of endos being real and not being so stressed about whether it is or not, l've just been a much happier person overall—not to mention have a much greater appreciation for how cool the brain is and what we as people do to cope with shit. Plurality as a whole is really fucking cool from a scientific perspective. I think being more open-minded and accepting in general will also just make you feel better as a person. We don't need to be asking all these questions, we can just let it be! It's way less stressful, tbh.

[melancholy-marionette]

Lovestarved (otome/josei jam) penultimate week progress

Sooo, it's getting to that part of a game jam where I start to panic cos I realise it's the penultimate week and there's still heaps of stuff to do x3 Thankfully, I have the majority of things working in the previewer at least! I was away from home last Thursday - this Monday, but was back to running tests on the main game as soon as I got home. Everything seems to work as it should when testing the full demo without changing MC's name & selecting she/her pronouns, but I still need to run a full test with a name change & they/them pronouns to make sure I didn't mess something up there x3 I didn't want to go right into that though after finishing my first demo playthrough test, so I started working on some video backgrounds for alternate title screens + some stuff to go in the extras section :3 It took me most of the day, but I finally managed to make a working version of a music player that has unlockable tracks, haha. I know it's not exactly the most exciting feature in the world, but it's something I've wanted to implement in my projects for a looooong time, and just haven't been able to either due to a lack of time to work on it, or lack of knowledge to know how! In all my past projects that feature music players, as a compromise, I've just locked the entire player behind a condition such as reaching a specific ending or completing the whole game. Then, once the player is unlocked, the entire soundtrack can be played regardless of whether or not you've actually encountered all the tracks while playing. It's one of those small things that's always really bothered me, haha. But in Lovetarved, you will be able to access the music player after reaching any ending or the end of the demo + individual tracks will become unlocked as you hear them while progressing through the game :3 The only thing that sucks is that I'm relatively content with the layout of the buttons for the demo, but I know it won't be able to stay like that for the full game because there are more tracks to add xD The demo will feature 18 (possibly 19, depending on whether I decide to include a certain track or not) tracks from the OST I made, but there are at least another 6 tracks that need to be added to the player in the full version >.<

Anyways, I'm gonna shut up because it's probably not particularly interesting to read me rambling about this sorta thing xD and also, there's still so much testing left to do T_T

[mushiemellows]

Regarding your thoughts on Franky being the Strawhat to die, do you think that could potentially lead to the "bad ending"? The one where Franky becomes a full robot before being made into a ship? Maybe someone (potentially Robin) finds what's left of him and tries to bring him back that way? Maybe he comes back wrong as a result? I figure in that state all that would be left is a brain, which was more than Franky ever wanted to lose.

oh my god my friend this is one of those like ideal messages that cracks my brain open and looks right at my inside thoughts. Yes. Yes. This line of thinking is what inspired me to even start obsessively writing franky fic in the first place. I'm so fascinated by The Line with him-- simulacra, ship of theseus type shit. It's the core of what makes him so interesting to me, and it's what makes Kuma such a cool thematic foil for him, too. I've like, fallen DEEP into the Bad Ship Timeline recently, even more so than where I started.

When I say I think he's going to be the Strawhat that dies, I guess I should add the caveat that I DO think they'll take the sort of cop out direction of like, dying and getting rebuilt. Especially with all the other robotics scientists on the field now. But a robot/pascifista type simulacra of Franky would be a hollow revival; he would still be v much dead unless they kept at least a part of him like his brain. The huge horror of Boat Timeline to me would be the process of him doing it to himself (which is the horror of Franky to even BEGIN WITH, right?).

The first fic I ever posted has been looooong deleted, but I wrote it essentially to have a conversation between his genetic clone and his pacifista, trying to square their relationship to each other and to the original person. I wasn't happy with the fic for a number of reasons, which is part of why I deleted it and reworked it. But then that was retooled into What Makes a Man which you are severely tempting me to return to (tho I will warn, this fic reeks of Early Writing. I've learned a LOT since i initially started it). I never finished the second and third acts, which were the whole crux of why I wanted to write the fic to begin with. It would be fun to keep going down this fic line. I LOVE a reanimation story, and I especially love a Came Back Wrong story (uhhhh spoiler for the direction I was planning on taking the fic in, i guess). And ESPECIALLY ESPECIALLY when its a lovers come back wrong story OUGHHHH. idk, its strange that the Frankenstein angle isn't explored more in Franky stories?

At the same time, I'd love to figure out how to push the Boat Timeline angle. The other path I wish Oda had the balls to pursue would be a Dark Franky/mechanical possession/reprogramming sub plot, but idk if we have the time for that in Final Saga. But esp given recent teased twist, I'd love to see this happen. and i was hoping it would happen in egghead Like I LOVE the idea of him taking and taking and taking away from himself until he is like literally a brain in a jar left (and the way I write him, 37 isn't actually far from that state. I'm glad I got to touch on that even more in Handle With Care and Showoff). ALSO re: boat timeline, I think it would be very sweet if someone helped to build him that wasn't Robin? Obv I love the lovers angle. But there's so many direction it could go??? Usopp building him back, MADS building him back, Vegapunk building him, Iceburg building him back?? All of Galley-La and his family and Zambai helping turn him into a warship as a final act of love after "death"?? There's SO many ways it could go, it would be so fun to explore wow.

I love love love talking about this, thank you so much and please please feel free to talk more about your thoughts too on robot+ship+brain horror/beauty in the grotesque aaaaahhhh.

[ilyfynn]

mmu nation i enlist your help in giving me something to do instead of listening in biology. yes i am a halex stan and these are all secretly an excuse to write more halex. 19k is not enough. behold: my first ever poll

more info about each below (proper infodump) (I know I say that I dislike all of them but just choose)

the below all contain halex

modern murder - so I took one look at an extracurricular GCSE class (mine) and went HOW FUN WOULD IT BE IF I MADE THEM MURDER EACH OTHER because they are So Mean and I don't like it. so i jiggled the dynamics around a bit and ended up changing all the characters so now I'm left with a murder au. I planned it across a while but did most of it at 1am, and especially considering I only really write shipping fanfic idk how it is for a murder. however I plan to write all of these someday so as I actually Came Up with an idea I will persevere if needs be

flower shop au - now this was entirely an excuse to write a flower shop au because it would be so freaking cute if alex sent hazel flowers like. LIKE. can you see my 2am vision here. but ofc it's mmu so I had to mysterify it and ngl the mystery I made is kinda trash but. CAN YOU SEE MY "i-planned-this-all-in-one-go-at-12am" VISION????? overall I don't mind this au but I think there isn't much purpose to it so that's why I dislike it somewhat

5+1 - alex-centric halex au. honestly an excuse to make him fall in love again because oblivious alex for the WIN. I probably will write this one first if this poll ends up being of no use because it's plain Pining and I love that

time loop x hanahaki - now this one is one to have an excuse to make myself cry. I really like making characters die, and I really like halex, so I try to make it work whilst being realistic. unfortunately the plan for this one only exists vaguely in my head and my mind and I have disagreements about how well it would work when executed, especially since the scene I've chosen requires a lot of thinking behind the scenes (I suck at that)

do a songfic: I am notoriously good at coming up with songfics that seem really good to me but are really just awfully executed. I'm thinking message in a bottle by Taylor

come up with another one - fake dating au????? I'm thinking that because probably the most impressive and glorious fanfic I've ever read was a fake dating. love love LOVE it. though it would have to be a very long and well thought out one because I'd want to make it Perfect. additionally it would take aaaaaaaaaages to plan but when I do write it I want it to be the peak of my experience in the hyperfixation (it won't because I'll probably have thought of a better au by then)

in conclusion I dislike most of these but will write them anyways. please excuse how I hate my writing too, ARGH I need to work on that. thank you for reading I infodumped very heavily here (I pin the blame on a looooong day)

[dirty-bosmer]

I've been meaning to ask this ever since The Illusionist was completed, but have you ever thought of an AU or alternate ending for the story? Iirc you mentioned pantsing it, so was there ever a different trajectory you considered when writing the final arc? If Nim could have taken another path, what would it have been (and are there any that are happy for either her or Lucien 🥺 LMAO big ask, I know)?

Hopefully that made sense <3<3<3

OOOhooOHOOoo, what a good question! Yes it made sense and really made me think. There are two alternative endings that I think fit the logic of the story and the characters. Actually, I kind of feel bad for Nim now, because of course I chose the angstiest end for the fic lol. Under the cut because looooong and also spoilers.

The first: Mathieu convinces Nim to join him in taking down the Dark Brotherhood. He confesses everything to her that morning after he finds her drunk on the waterfront, and even though he’s responsible for the Purification, he appeals to Nim’s desire for freedom from Lucien and the clutches of the Black Hand just enough that she agrees to his plan. Nim continues to kill off the Black Hand, thereby setting Lucien up further. After she kills Ungolim, Nim is the one who tells Mathieu that Lucien went to hide out in Applewatch. She arrives with the rest of the Black Hand and actually takes part in his torture/death, and even though she does feel conflicted and guilty over betraying him, it’s also very cathartic after everything he put her through. She’s SO angry at him, blames him for not working harder to prevent the Purification, for taking her as his Silencer, for ruining her chance at a normal life, and I think it would be a turning point for her to say, “fuck it, I’m living the way I want to now and NO ONE will take it from me.”

Once in the Night Mother’s crypt, she and Mathieu turn on the rest of the Black Hand. Meanwhile Lorise is going wtf??? and the Night Mother/Mephala is like “lol y’all think you’re slick. I’ll be back tho, and btw Lorise, Mathieu was the traitor and he’s the reason why Vicente is dead. Lucien told Nim all this like a month ago :)” Lorise turns on Mathieu in her rage, and Nim is forced to kill him to keep Lorise alive. Lorise is understandably pissed that Nim never told her and had fully planned to let Mathieu go free, but Nim pulls some gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss and is like “I would never! This was the only way I could keep you safe!” They agree to torch the crypt, then go on holiday to Daggerfall where they let themselves properly grieve everything they lost in the Dark Brotherhood.

In this version of events, Nim doesn’t have a complete mental break. The mantling proceeds a lot more slowly, and she actually has a happy mortal life. She moves back to Anvil to continue her apprenticeship like nothing ever happened lol but she’s lonely. She misses Raminus and is disturbed by how haunted she is by Lucien’s absence. Because she can’t stand being alone and living simply, she’s like “what if I open up old wounds and write to Raminus and tell him I need him c:” knowing full well how much influence she still has over him. She visits the University, and because Raminus is still in love with her and has been plagued by dreams of her weird Daedric visions, he doesn’t throw her out immediately. Having never received proper closure, he tells himself he just one more conversation with her is going to set his head straight, but Nim is fully committed to gaslight, gatekeep, girl boss at this point, so she confesses to the destruction of the Dark Brotherhood, saying that was her plan all along and she had to do it to save Lorise, that she couldn’t tell him the last time they spoke because she’d be placing him in even more danger. Obviously, he’s horrified and disgusted, but Nim is like, baby we brought out the best in each other and I’m changed woman now uwu. I’m such a good little mage, see *points to calendar that says ’68 days since last murder’* and Raminus is like “well that’s qualitative proof.” He’s so shocked by it all that there is simply no other choice than to be horny for her. Sorry I don’t make the rules.

They live comfortably even though Raminus remains a little terrified of Nim and repulsed by his own willingness to let her back into his life (Compartmentalizing King 👑). He sees hints of the Madgod in her, and it infects him too but in what I’d like to think is a rather wholesome way? She convinces him to retire from his role as Arch-mage and he becomes the eccentric geologist he always wanted to be as a wee lad. They spend the rest of their life travelling Tamriel together and the adventure keeps Nim more or less stable until Raminus inevitably passes from old-age and she makes her way to the Shivering Isles.

The second ending would be far more chaotic lol. In this timeline, she meets with Mephala in the Night Mother’s crypt and accepts the role of Listener, knowing Mephala’s grasp on her soul will keep her on Nirn a while longer before the mantling overtakes her. Also she’s like well I’ve already fucked up my life to the best of my ability, so why not make it worse :D? In this timeline, she still arrives at Applewatch in time to save Lucien and because she doesn’t have her break, she’s there to kill Mathieu. So Lucien and Lorise are both alive, and the three of them + Arquen embark on their little business holiday to Hammerfell and Skyrim to establish new sanctuaries and rebuild the DB. Nim’s relationship with Lucien sours in ✨New and Improved✨ ways, because now he has absolutely no control over her. Now, the power has been completely reversed, and as unhinged as he is, Lucien does honor the Night Mother’s choice to name her Listener. Nim taunts him with this constantly. Also in this timeline, Nim and Arquen have a full blown affair because Arquen recognizes the chance to seize power and Nim recognizes the chance to rub it in Lucien’s face. They are nothing if if not Toxic <3

So yeah, Nim’s accession to Listener leaves Lucien rattled, hollow, uncharacteristically doubtful and maudlin. By now, he’s lost his sanctuary, the rest of the Black Hand, and his Silencer. He has to rebuild completely by himself, and maybe he thinks this is some sort of punishment or test from Sithis? It sends him into a bit of spiral/crisis of faith, because while he’d always respected Ungolim’s leadership and was never covetous of the position of Listener, the fact that the Night Mother chose Nimileth as Listener is quite frankly an insane move that he simply can’t wrap his head around. As an individual, Lucien never truly respected Nim. He was obsessed with her, yes, but he saw her as little more than his knife to wield, and always thought she was a whiny, ungrateful little brat because she was but more importantly because she didn’t worship at his feet like the others in the sanctuary did :’(

And true to his observations, as competent an assassin as she was, Nim was an awful Silencer lol. She was disloyal, unfaithful, distracted, quarrelsome. Not to mention she held and still holds nothing but disdain for their order and has no leadership skills whatsoever. As Listener, she’s so unserious, basically Arquen’s puppet out of sheer indifference, and it disgusts Lucien, further fueling the violent impulses he’s always felt when they’re together, only now he can’t act upon them so he goes on a similar psycho killing spree as he does in the original fic lol. Also Lucien does recognize that there is something awry about the whole thing, because the Night Mother would not have named her Listener if the Dark Brotherhoods best interest were in mind (and he’s not wrong. It was all Mephala’s personal schemes in the end anyway). So yeah, he’s constantly having to quell what he considers the blasphemous, heretical urge to question the Night Mother’s commands and it eats at him constantly.

I imagine after they return to Cyrodiil, Nim settles down in Bravil and is actually quite content there. She makes Lorise her Silencer and spends her days gardening, helping out at the Mages Guild and the chapel of Mara, going on trips with Arquen and Lorise, and Lucien just has to seethe and watch her find happiness without him. He festers a bit in Fort Farragut, playing sad songs on the lyre and drinking Argonian bloodwine, writing on the walls “I will not blaspheme. I will not question the Night Mother’s will. I will not kill disobey the Listener,” all the while thinking why her why her why her. And because they are the most divorced couple on Nirn, Nim can’t let him grow tired of her, so they’re always playing stupid games to make each other jealous, starting fights and fucking about it, and Arquen is just tapping her watch thinking “when are you two going to kill each other so I can become Listener.” It goes on that way until Nim is finally like “okay, I’m bored fr now” and fucks off to the Shivering Isles for good.

As you’ll notice, Lucien does not get a happy ending in any version lol but I loved thinking about them this way. This was such an incredible question and one I had not really thought about before! Thank you so much for asking <3

[colorful-white-ideas]

Bill did promote BKW and we didn't notice it?

I know I've been very critical of Bill lately because of the last marketing fiasco of the Boy Kills world promotion. But one anon brought to my attention something that made me think in some coincidentical events of last year that now make sense. Have time? This is looooong

Anon said "Now that I know that he initially did the voice over as shown at TIFF and he got replaced, maybe that played a part into his lack of promotion, especially as the lead "

2023

- July 22 : Bill is spotted attending a UFC match in London.

- July 23: the BKW trailer comes to light, the famous " Cannes trailer". Someone found it and shared it with the world. Don't ask me who I just remember it was everywhere suddenly I even made a post about it too. Now (2024) is no longer up on that page. In that trailer the boy inner voice was different from the one we have now.

- The bobbysill IG acc caught our attention again after days of speculation if it was Bill's or not . Bob uploaded this :

*Willemandersson is Bill's friend.

-July 24: this same acc had a mental breakdance after someone went to the BKW producers to complain about someone "leaking" pictures of the movie without an official release of the trailer , calling it a hoax and bla bla ( sadly I don't have screenshots of those negatives comments but the pic of Boy is later erased) Bob starts posting a couple of pics that no one has ever seen before and that are absolutely Bill related:

Now let's jump in time.

August 3 The Toronto international film festival announces BKW premiere for sep 9

Sep 2 Bill is seen attending one again a UFC match in Paris .

Sep 9 The day of the premiere in Canada. Bill went to another UFC event , this time in Uppsala.

Coincidence?

Isn't curious that every time something big about BKW was out or about to happen ,Bill , let himself be seen in a UFC match ? It is very well known that he loves those sports, so I don't think these were the first or only times he attended a public UFC event.

Which is more important: the images we saw of him among the public didn't come from fans around him but from the official media present at the event. They were not accidental sightings, he wanted people to see him there. He knows how to hide , he could have gone and refused to be acknowledged in the public but he smiled and played along with the media there.

In 2023 the SAG AFTRA strike paralyzed the industry, no one could really promote upcoming projects without being accused of going against the strike. Maybe this was his way to promote the material, also for what we see now of the BTS shots , he had a really good time filming. I bet he was so excited about this movie he literally couldn't wait to start showing off what he was able to do.

After all HE and his team reached out to the crew asking to audition for the movie. You can look it up. So this movie wasn't just a cash grab for him HE WANTED to be part of it.

But something happened cause that enthusiasm was non-existent this year.

The first critics to the movie at the TIFF were 50/50. Not very impressive.

2024 it is announced that the inner voice now will be done by H. Jon Benjamin. The original voice was replaced just months before the world premiere.

There is a trailer going around with a voice that pretty much sounds like Bill and if it's really his I can hear he put a lot of effort to give the character an identity that went beyond than just the goofy one the director wanted as the final product.

( * personal note I like both results )

Maybe anon is in some way right after all ? Maybe Bill agreed on erasing his voice but as an exchange decided to not use his actual voice to promote it.

A tantrum ? Yes absolutely. But also if you think about it maybe he saw it like they didn't take him seriously, his whole effort was not appreciated so along with the production team decided to "stay in character" and not talk about Boy. Others could do it for him.

****PLEASE do not take this as proof of anything, it's just speculation I did on my way home from my job.

He by all means could be just a diva who just didn't want to be part of the fuss of this premiere and that's it. Only the crew and him know what really happened. ****

[doodlemancy]

Hey there I just have a question about the Patreon stuff - I 100% agree with everything you said, I'm not too knowledgeable about some of the things Patreon has done. I know they want to get rid of first of the month and per creation billing, but WHY? Why do they hate it so much and want to get rid of it so badly??

hmmmm. i can't say i know for sure, but i can make some guesses. a lot of it seems like an unwillingness to problem-solve, honestly. there have been various excuses that i can remember-- one is that processing everything at the beginning of the month leads to all the Payment Processing Problems happening at once which, fair, understandable. hire more people, sorry patreon, you already made your bed on this and now you get to lie in it for the sake of the people that depend on it. another excuse they made during the fiasco in 2021 is that a lot of people sign up in the middle or toward the end of the month and think they've been "double charged" when the 1st of the next month rolls around, and they get charged again less than a month after they signed up. it apparently leads to a lot of customer service tickets. instead of implementing ANY features that would help patrons understand this better at signup, or allow patrons to delay payment until the 1st of the next month, they wanted to do away with 1st-of-the-month billing entirely. and like yes. this is a problem. chargebacks are bad. having to deal with a lot of help tickets at the same time every month is bad. but having worked customer service long enough: clarify your language and again, hire more people, sorry! bed made! lie in it!

with the apple thing... i kind of wonder if that's been an influence in the past and for how long. it feels like they are really insistent on changing their service's behavior to be more predictable to the average Netflix/Doordash/etc. subscriber or whatever. the rolling bill structure is the default for most stuff, and it does make sense to want to be predictable... but in general they really seem to think very little of the intelligence of patrons. which is an understandable consequence of dealing with any kind of customer service-- just statistically speaking you will encounter a lot of horses who cannot be made to drink or even led to any kind of water and it will make you think humanity is doomed. but it's weird that they're willing to trade out entire portions of their userbase for that predictability. i think some of this is also a venture-capital-driven desperate desire for wider appeal, which is the fall of every tech company at some point, i guess. the insistence that the apps no one likes are Extremely Important is what bolsters my belief that this is a misguided growth-chasing thing. like everyone else, they probably are trying to make line go up, and there's no room to be pleased with a sustainable niche in that equation.

i don't know if there are other mysterious under-the-hood reasons, like if it's gonna be better for them re: payment processing fees or something or if their processors or investors are giving them shit about it for some reason or another. it's likely there's something else they are, as usual, not being transparent about.

so yeah. it's not that i think Patreon would be easy to run. it's not that i don't see that there are some legit challenges here. but i do think they are strangely willing to give up and go straight to the most destructive solution rather than try to figure out how to make the thing work. i don't really know exactly what's going on more than anyone else does, i'm just looking for patterns.

also: i know you don't, anon, but if anyone's thinking i've been too harsh or that i'm too suspicious of patreon up-front here and am Probably Just Unpleasable... they do have a history of deceptive shit. it's been their thing for a looooong time to take secret polls only of select groups of users so they can say that their bad decisions are based on "user feedback". i actually got an email invite back in 2021 for a secret behind-the-scenes call that i'm sure they were just gonna use to try to justify some more shit. i declined and told them they should have learned by now to ask the whole community for input on big decisions, and i got a predictably dodgy answer. sigh. i wish they really cared about us.

[monstersflashlight]

Oooh book talk book talk book talk!!!!! Im actually in school to get a master's degree in library science rn in part bc I want to do everything I can to spend my life around books and readers! My favorite books include:

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks (Rebecca Skloot) Nonfiction about the history of the cell culture HeLa that was removed from a black woman with a unique cervical cancer without her consent or her family's knowledge. Goes into the medical ethics questions of who owns a piece of tissue after it's been removed and how can we reconcile scientific progress made when it comes at a very real, very high human cost, especially to certain groups of people (in this case a poor black woman and her family). It's also a story about the woman herself, what little is known for sure about her and how her family has tried to understand who she was and what happened to her, all while grieving for her loss. If you like medical history and don't mind harsh subjects, it is a really really good read.

This Is How You Lose The Time War (Max Gladstone and Amal El-Mohtar) sci-fi novella telling the story of two agents from warring factions with the power of time travel, each of them trying to outwit the other to secure the best future for their faction while maintaining their cat and mouse game. They become completely intertwined and fall in love (without spoilers, a really cool take on the idea of fated lovers, imo), all through sending letters to each other and it's a short read but so poignant and dazzling.

Stories of Your Life and Others (Ted Chiang) more sci-fi, this time a short story collection. Includes the short story that was the basis for the movie Arrival. (Does it count as a monster book if there are aliens? Because there are aliens, but there's no romance with them or anything like that). Can't really give a succinct summary when there are a bunch of different stories but I think my personal favorite in this collection is "Hell is the Absence of God". A world in which the presence of heaven, hell, god, and angels are very real tangible forces and how a select group of people in that world grapple with what that means for their faith. Do I love this story bc I also have a complicated relationship with faith? Probably! But it's a great collection regardless!

Hope you get lots of good book rec's! <3

Hi anon! I've been thinking about getting into library sicence myself, but not yet though. But I find it very interesting.

I've actually read the first book you mentioned and it was great, really good book. You can say I like medical history, lmao (for context I'm getting my PhD in that field). I've heard of the second one you suggest, but I've also heard it's really tragic (not sure if it's true), so I don't know about that because I like more cozy, happy-ending books, but it's been on my TBR for a looooong time. Someday I'll read it. The third one I didn't know, added to the TBR. :) All very interesting choices.

[ghooostbaby]

was tagged by @muigiel ^^

nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name

1. why did you choose your url? i heard "ghost baby" could be a translation of wei ying (from mdzs) and i really loved that vibe

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. @revengegarden which i use to put art inspiration in.

3. how long have you been on tumblr? i think i first joined when it was in beta in like 2009! i didnt really know how to use it though. i used it intermittently over the years to post silly poetry and save stuff from the internet i enjoyed. i never really interacted with anyone or understand how that worked. i made a new account in 2020 when i got interested in fandom stuff during pandemic lockdown times..

4. do you have a queue tag? no

5. why did you start your blog in the first place? well i answered that above kind of ... i've always sort of gotten weird obsessed with whatever i'm watching or reading, no one else i knew really had the same level and that i remember during the first weeks of lockdown searching stuff on what i was watching instead of bothering uninterested people about it and ended up on tumblr looking at fan art of zuko and sokka :P and all these people losing it over fictional characters i was like ... i think i'm home? so i got a tumblr to participate in it more.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? my name is from wei wuxian so i wanted a pic of him! he was sort of my main blorbo at the time making this account, and he truly captured my heart when he was all red-eyed insane with rage playing his demon flute

7. why did you choose your header? i don't know what my header is haha

8. what’s your post with the most notes? i'm not sure exactly, but i think the last 'annual stats' thing tumblr shared was a feverish cumplane head canon i posted. i also get notes every day on a recent post about wu ming fanon vs canon. but actually my looooong ranting meta about wei wuxian and lan wangji is probably the most notes. but reading that meta makes me want to hide under a rock encountering my past self

9. how many mutuals do you have? a couple

10. how many followers do you have? o.o

11. how many people do you follow? a few hundred i think?

12. have you ever made a shitpost? *looks up definition of shitpost* no

13. how often do you use tumblr each day? probably an hour a day just scrolling on my phone when i'm too tired to do anything else... i've had a job this summer that has been brutally long hours and tiring so i'm not in the mood to sit at my computer much

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? sometimes haha. listen, sometimes people have takes that are so bad i have to say SOMEthing. then i get so terrified of being yelled at i delete everything or ignore tumblr for 2 weeks or ask @muigiel if people are being mean in my notes hahaha

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts ummmmm

16. do you like tag games? it's nice to be tagged! atm i usually don't have time when i receive them and then the notification passes and i forget, this one i put in my drafts though

17. do you like ask games? love to be a part of one one day T.T idk maybe more people would send me asks if i turned on anon but a year or so ago i started getting all these terfs harassing me in my asks (must be doing something right?) so i turned off anon. one actually was mad enough to send me a death threat (?!) from their account so i was able to report them

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? haha i don't have many, just all of us small fish swimming together.. but i think a lot of people in danmei fandoms really love what @baiwu-jinji posts :) although i think they're not super active rn or we're not on at the same times

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? no but if you're in love with me let me know! i wouldn't be opposed to a tumblr romance :P

20. what is the last song you listened to? hmmmm i think i was listening to a Grouper album last

21. what are you currently watching? i wanted to find something new to watch that had perfect gorgeous visuals of beautiful outside places and ended up watching Orlando last night

22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? all!

23. what is your current relationship status? single

24. what is your current obsession? tgcf, he xuan, yin yu, maurice (film & reading the book)

25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?

maurice soundtrack !!

80s dancey music bc my taste definitely gears towards lyricless and traditonal/folk music but i've been working with kids who all want to listen to justin bieber all the time so trying to get some fun pop music i can also enjoy (i just hate the sounds of contemp pop music sorry, somehow it feels so... digital? data-driven? written by AI?) - and actually have found madonna is soooo good.

and then relistening to old favourites... yesterday i was enjoying my rock n roll romance playlist which has david bowie, bauhaus, wanda jackson (tunnel of love), suicide (cheree), roy orbison, dead or alive

if you want to take a look inside my brain https://www.nts.live/shows/cantus-orbis

tag 9 people.. uhh. how about just @unfotp @marloviandevil @baiwu-jinji but no obligation!

[tarobii]

I'm like only a bit sure nobody has sent this to you yet if someone has feel free to ignore this but here you go

1. who's your favorite oc?

2. who was your first oc?

3. how many ocs do you have?

4. have you kept all of your

ocs since the beginning?

5. are any of your ocs based

off of a show/book you like?

if so, who?

6. what is the species of the

majority of your ocs?

7. are any of your ocs an

original species? if so,

what's the species and who?

8. if you can, draw (oc name)!

9. write a few sentences as

(oc name)!

10. are any of your ocs part

of a story? if so, what is it

about and who's in it?

11. do you have any twin ocs?

12. are any of your ocs

siblings?

13. what is the gender of the

majority of your ocs?

14. make up a new oc right now

based on (concept/show/color/

etc.)!

15. would you ever give up any

of your ocs?

16. who is your oldest oc

(age-wise)?

17. have you ever roleplayed

as your ocs?

18. how many of your ocs were

adopted from someone else?

19. who is your least favorite

oc?

20. which oc do you think has

changed the most since you

made them?

21. who is your newest oc?

22. have you ever cosplayed

your own ocs? if so, who?

23. which oc do you think has

affected you the most as youve

grown with them?

24. have you gotten cosplayers

of your ocs? if so, of whom?

25. do you have any ocs that

you havent drawn/written as/

talked about in a long time?

if so, who?

OH MY STARS THANK YOU WAHAHAHA

OMG OK

ok. ok.o k

it's brainrot time :)

I've answered like 3 of these already so I'll just be copy-pasting the answers for those ones ^^

answers under the cut bc this is gonna be looooong hehe ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆

1. who’s your favorite oc?

Haruto: "Well obviously it's me. They haven't stopped thinking about me for like a month now~"

Raiden: "No, it's clearly me. Despite all the changes, I'm their longest lasting OC in terms of interest."

Haru and Den: *arguing* Olivier: "...?"

Olivier: "...What are they doing??"

Olivier's my favorite :)

2. who was your first oc?

uhhhh I think it was either Moonlight or Jasmine(??? I think that was her name)

3. how many ocs do you have?

182 and counting!

edit: more if you count the Undersociation cast, as well as the aus (yes, I've made aus of my ocs lol)

4. have you kept all of your ocs since the beginning?

[copied fr prev ask]

yep :)

every. single. one.

(I dont,,, use them anymore,,, but like they're still here lol)

addition from present me: there's actually a small group of ocs I had in elementary school that I had to let go bc I've pretty much completely forgotten about them, so I can't bring them back 😔

5. are any of your ocs based off of a show/book you like? if so, who?

[copied fr prev ask]

yep! Alice in Wonderland! I have ocs for the queen, the white rabbit, mad hatter, blue caterpillar, cheshire cat, and some in the same universe that aren't directly based on Alice in Wonderland characters.

I've only actually drawn two of them but here!

Haruto (Blue Caterpillar) and Chess (Cheshire Cat)

there's a bit more lore to it than them just. being the same characters from the story (bc,,, they're not,,,,,) (they're the descendants of the og cast) but yk lol

6. what is the species of the majority of your ocs?

Human, according to my spreadsheet. 57/182 are human. The rest are various other species lol.

7. are any of your ocs an original species? if so, what’s the species and who?

yes! a lot of them are original species just because,,, idk what species they are lmao,,,, for example: butterfly thing, fog thing, ghost??? monster????? thing??????

but do have a few original species ocs that I actually know what they are lol

these ones are the aureses ocudau! (these specific ones are named Tie and Zip!)

8. if you can, draw (oc name)!

random number generator go!

Florian!

he has my favorite name tbh ~Florian~ so fun

9. write a few sentences as (oc name)!

random number generator go! again!

Vesper! how thematic! Vesper is Florian's best friend, ehe

(I,,, am not a writer,,, oh no,,, here we go,,,,)

"Florian, are you kidding me?" "Ehehe, oops?" Vesper grabs Florian by the shoulders. "Florian. Florian. F L O R I A N. Did you seriously fall into a fountain chasing a cat???" "Haha. Perhaps..." Vesper gives Florian the Look™️. Florian flounders a little. "Listen..." "I'm listening." "In my defense... it was reaaaally cute." Vesper deadpans. "Seriously?"

10. are any of your ocs part of a story? if so, what is it about and who’s in it?

[copied from prev ask]

yesn't

they're all in one connected multiverse, and I like thinking of silly little scenarios, so technically they're all in a slice of life

with one exception!!

Undersocation!

which is a work in progress but the basic plot synopsis is that it starts as a slice of life and shenanigans with the association employees

but then the Catalyst happens and what's basically the apocalypse happens

our main characters are Sans (Spade) and Kyrian, and their main goal is to find their respective brothers, Papyrus (Clover) and Evelin

they don't know if Pap and Eve are okay or even alive, because they were out of town on a mission--but they were due to come back on the day the catalyst happened, so their status is unconfirmed

11. do you have any twin ocs?

yep! two pairs (that I remember lol) Moonlight and Midnight, and Yuuto and Yuki! (don't. question my naming conventions lmao. the first two are from when I was in elementary school and the second two have the Yu- "prefix" so to speak running through the whole family lol)

12. are any of your ocs siblings?

yes! many of them here are a few ^^ in a (slightly outdated) chart

these two (Keiran and Evelin) specifically have a new younger brother (Kyrian):

13. what is the gender of the majority of your ocs?

male, probably

14. make up a new oc right now based on (concept/show/color/etc.)!

her name is sabie :)

15. would you ever give up any of your ocs?

unless I specifically made them for that purpose (ex. adoptable, a gift) no <3

16. who is your oldest oc (age-wise)?

my oldest named oc is Haruto at a whopping 737 years old

but my actual oldest oc is his dad lol

17. have you ever roleplayed as your ocs?

yeah, kind of. I semi-roleplay as Olivier in a minecraft server I'm in

18. how many of your ocs were adopted from someone else?

none that I remember

19. who is your least favorite oc?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I like all of them tho :(

20. which oc do you think has changed the most since you made them?

Raiden, hands down.

My guy got a complete design and backstory overhaul

before and after

(fuckin hell that lighting is trash lmao)

21. who is your newest oc? optional- doodle them to show!

sabie is lol

but besides her, them!

Siren!

they're Felix's older sibling (❁´◡`❁)

22. have you ever cosplayed your own ocs? if so, who?

yep! Nikolai (I only have videos of this cosplay lol, hence the blurry screenshot)

23. which oc do you think has affected you the most as youve grown with them?

[copied fr prev ask]

THIS FUCKING TWINK

his name is Raiden and he's my oldest oc that I still actually use and I am so very attached to him he's my bbg through and through

he's also the oc with one of the most batshit insane backstories lol (hint: all of those funeral pictures in the second one are *all* him)

24. have you gotten cosplayers of your ocs? if so, of whom?

nah, just me

25. do you have any ocs that you havent drawn/written as/talked about in a long time? if so, who?

[copied from prev ask]

yeah, almost everyone on my old deviantart

[treason-and-plot]

I'm finally caught up! It took a few days of non-stop reading but I had to know what those 3 trainwreck idiots (Anita, Roy, Joël) ended up doing.

Anita and Roy are the biggest self sabotaging idiots I've seen in my life. Anita was an absolute trainwreck. I mean the girl had made all the wrong choices in life, one thing she did right is probably never giving up on her and Joël.

Roy is... he is just as bad at making decisions as Anita but I think their biggest difference is he just doesn't feel guilty or responsible, at all. I think the only time I've seen him actually feel sorry is when that whole pregnancy drug thing had happened.

And Joël, sweet idiot Joël. I don't have words for how stupid this man is. He just let's things happen to him. He let's women in his life manipulate him. I'm not a jealous person but him being such a clueless idiot about his exes' motives, is part of the reason why Anita lost it so many times (his idiocy and Anita's insecurity were bound to breed that problem.)

So far where they are at, I think Roy should've dumped Sonia looooong ago, like at the altar. The man had serious growing up to do before he got married and Sonia definitely wasn't it.

I'm just happy about Anita and Joël. For a while there I was really thinking that they were done but they made it. I'm still worried whenever I see Anita go out drinking because she still haven't fixed any of her problems but being with Joël seemed to have stabilise her. And Joël is in bliss with his daughter and son, even Saffron. I loved how much that little girl was upset when Joël was leaving.

It's a great story and I really advise anyone who had followed you to go back all those posts and read it all. I loved it!

Ps. After reading all of I've come to conclusion that Raj and Mia deserve each other, for sure. xD

I am dying at you christening Anita, Roy and Joël '3 trainwreck idiots!' That's made my year. And the fact that you spent days reading my story non-stop...my gratitude and awe knows no bounds. You are the best.

Poor Anita...dear, sweet, simple Harry was never going to make her happy. And she nearly destroyed her life and Joël's with her insecurities and her self-sabotaging behaviour, that's very true.

I don't think Joël is stupid...although I know many readers will disagree with me! He's a sensitive, intense, moody introvert who loves deeply and passionately and whose heart rules his head, often with disastrous results. But I wouldn't want him to be any other way!

You have hit the nail on the head re Roy...his personal mantra is never apologise, never explain. He never, ever second guesses himself. His sense of self is inviolate. He married Sonia because she presented a fascinating challenge to him and he did love her (and still does!) But yeah, theirs was a marriage destined to fail. I still miss them as a married couple though, as bizarre as that sounds. Their relationship was just so much fun to explore and write about!

One of the high points for me in my story's recent history has been the birth of Joël and Anita's daughter Alice...I still get emotional thinking about it! And thank you for mentioning Saffron's distress when Joël left Anita...that was another part of the story that I felt was particularly poignant for a variety of reasons (not least of which was Anita's selfishness) and has stayed with me for a long time.

As for Mia and Raj...well, we'll just have to wait and see! The two of them intrigue me as much today as they do as when I first started writing about them;)

Thank you again for taking the time to read my story and send me this...it's hard to express just how much it means to me. But one thing's for sure, it's people like you who make this community so wonderful and who make me inspired to keep on writing as long as I possibly can. And for that I will be forever grateful❤️

[imarara]

So, Fallen Hero: Retribution is out, and I'm obsessed.

We have a looooong wait for Fallen Hero: Revelations before us, so I thought we all might get some outlet for talking about all that happened.

MIND YOU, SPOILERS AHEAD

sorry for the lack of proper etiquette (i tried to google that but nothing of substance came up really, so I'm open to all suggestions). If you don't mind being spoiled the whole game, different routes or endings, or don't mind being spoiled, please, indulge me, I'm in my exam month and I cannot think about anything else lmao.

With that out of the way, let's discuss. One last warning, I'm going to be detailed in the descriptions and theories - and I'm starting with the biggest one that comes to mind.

Also, a disclaimer; for the time being I have used only two of my Fallen Hero: Rebirth saves, both of them being a cis woman MC with a woman Puppet, both times with the same eye color. My MCs have never killed and strived to expose truth about corrupted systems. I've replayed Retribution a few times already, trying out different routes in those scenarios to fish out all I can.

1.

After finishing the game by going to Hollow Ground in MC's body, there is something weird going on; weird enough to make Ortega think that MC and HG are blood-related. I've only played as a female, but I've read somewhere that HG's gender is dependent on the gender of out MC (though I'm not sure how it is when the MC is trans, whether HG is of the gender we are after transition or before, or even how it is with nb MCs).

As mentioned above, MC's and Puppet eyes are the same color - green. During Heartbreak, MC looks the telepath straight in the eyes. They are too, green.

It might be a very suspicious coincidence, but I do not think so. My first theory is that Heartbreak actually is our Puppet. The body is found is the hospital, comatosed, forgotten for years, no family ties and as MC puts it, it's a shell.

It is heavily hinted during interactions with Lady Argent, that the MC won't know everything the body is capable of, at least after there is the possibility of probbing consciousness of the host - which the Puppet lacks.

I've read that something weird begins happening to Puppet just at the end of Rebirth, if Mortum is with you in the hospital. In Retribution, there are constant reminders that something is off with Puppet, and at the very end in numerous routes it is HEAVILY suggested that the Puppet calling our henchperson is not MC.

If Chen let's the MC go into his head after Puppet and Ortega get into the accident, we find out that HG either is or works with, but probably is, a very powerful telepath with ability to influence what people say (maybe even think) about them, which is also hinted at when MC themselves goes into a meeting with HG.

HG has been a kingpin in LD for over 20 years at the time of Retribution. Our MC is made in the late eighties, which makes them around 30. My guess would be that HG might have been the source of their genes at that time, as well as Heartbreak's. Or, HG and Heartbreak have similar genes.

Heartbreak's age was not established as far as I know. HG is a very private person, that would not be too far-fetched to think they wouldn't try to out themselves for, let's say, getting back the body of their comatosed child.

I'd think that Heartbreak could be a Re-Gene as well, but there is something off - Ortega found somebody's files, somebody looking like MC, somebody's that was jailed (and we know government and the Farm are rather close), and in the memory sequences there are memories that do not belong to MC.

One that strikes me the most is a mention of a parent and a ballon - i might be completely wrong here, but I think there is one painting of a ballon tangled in a tree somewhere. I will find where it is and then will update this post.

Also Heartbreak's and Shroud's (they fight Lady Argent at the Casino Auction) descriptions are very similar if I recall correctly. It's just something that caught my attention, so there.

Aaaalso, it's very suspicious that MC always ends in the accident if they go to HG's meeting, ant then they cannot reach Puppet. Seems like someone is pulling the strings, and it is most possibly not HG themselves.

Additionally, neither Steel or Ortega seems to know what exactly Heartbreak was, and MC tbemselves struggled to look at the telepath, so it is possible they would not recognize Puppet. Though then again Ortega saw somebody's file with photos similar to the MC, and if it was Heartbreak's then the Puppet would have to be the same gender as well, so that's not exactly a foolproof theory.

2.

We know Locus, who is officialy missing, is connected to Dr Regina experiments. Dr Regina is heavily implied to be behind MC's trauma. We don't know if Locus is officially working with the Farm, or was she officially missing because she's got taken by them and then ran away from them.

Dr Mortum at one point, seemingly, mentions Locus. In some endings (probably when we give her the prototype Lady Argent was after) they say something very similar to what MC would say when questioned about their time at the Farm after Heartbreak, something along "doing things for the name of science".

We also know they aren't exactly an example of sound morals.

3.

WHAT IS IT ABOUT MORTUMS GUN, I WASN'T ABLE TO TRY IT OUT YET

4.

So, Lady Argent's nanovores tried healing her. I just know it will be a turning point in the future, and Mortum will probably make it or break it.

I'll be trying to add some stuff later, bit rn it's 1AM and I have two projects to finish and deliver before 9am, so please discuss with me 😭

[xplrvibes]

interesting that colby unliked amber's picture with the red wig...

I saw people on instagram using this to show proof that big bad evil Malia is cosplaying as Amber with Colby's permission and approval cause I guess he hates Amber now? And I'm just like...ok 🤷‍♀️. Lol.

Three days ago, Colby was cheating on Malia - aka the first girlfriend he ever made public to the fans (and the last, I'd reckon, since this is going so smoothly for him lol) - with a redhead. He was doing this in a crowded room full of cell phones cameras and Malia'a best friend standing 5 feet away while Malia, I guess, just sat in his house and painted her nails or something, I don't know.

Then Malia shows up with ‼️spoiler alert‼️ red hair, thereby proving that he was really just out macking on his girlfriend all night while half the internet was throwing a party to celebrate him being a cheater, and the story immediately flipped to, "Well, she's just copying Amber because Amber said she wanted to dye her hair red," which then turned into, "Colby unliked Amber's post about the red hair so he must be encouraging this hateful jealousy fueled copying of Amber."

And look, I am a massive Amber fan - I love her, I support her, hell I was on here back in 2021 catching stray bullets for saying I thought her and Colby would be hot together! So, this is not coming from a place of hate for Amber or anything; far from it.

But, come on. Amber doesn't own the patent on red hair. Malia dyeing her hair does not have to have some weird, sinister meaning or be talked about at length on exposè accounts. Why on earth would Malia dyed her hair red to copy Amber when Amber a) never even actually had her hair red to begin with, and b) was never actually anything more than friends with Colby??

It's easier to believe that Colby told her he thought red hair would be hot and then realized later that he had liked that post of Amber's red hair and went, "uh oh," and unliked it quick to save himself any drama with the FANS than anything else lol.

I just...can't with this one lol.

And the unliking that post thing - I don't know. I didn't see him like it or unlike it, so I have no frame of reference for that one. But it's hard to believe this stuff when it's coming from the same people who think Malia is purposefully copying Amber so again, I'm just like 🤷‍♀️🤣.

I've gotta say...I've been skulking around this fandom for a long time, and I've seen a lot of shit. It has been a long, looooong time since I've seen people unravel to this level when it came to a girl Colby was associated with.

Ironically, I think Amber was the last one.

And look, I get it - Colby broke out of the ivory tower and found love and happiness somewhere that doesn't involve or include the fans and this hurt some feelings, cause he was supposed to be yours (not you, anon). I get it. This is like a breakup or whatever.

But, seriously - some of this shit floating around is starting to give 2020, "Amber and Brennen are conspiring to break Sam and Colby up" energy and that energy is not the energy we want to bring back to the table. That was a horrible, disgusting, hate-filled, humiliating time in the snc fandom. Let's not revisit it.

(This is not against you, anon. Just a general statement after all of the crap I just saw out there in the wild!)

[abitohoney]

Question, is Ran confirmed to be nonbinary by the show creators or is that something us fans came up with? I only ask because you seem to know more about the show and characters than I likely do 😅 because some places I’ve looked, they have them gendered as female.

Very late to answer this, but better late than never, right? 😅

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. A looooong time ago (2 years or so) when I was first starting to write for Arcane, I was trying to find the names, genders, etc of all the Arcane characters to make sure I was properly representing them. There was only one webpage I found that mentioned Ran, who was claimed to be nonbinary, but I'm not so sure that was anything official, just some fan-made page. I tried to find it again, but no luck. I've chosen to stick with nonbinary though because I like the representation and diversity.

Actually, as I was writing this, I recalled one of my moots had made a post about this. Seems it was confirmed! You can see the post here.

[getinthefuckingcarkitten]

One day i'll make a character sheets for my PCs but for now lemme just copy paste some shit bc i've saved too much in my drafts and i want to clean it up a bit. So some info about my PCs below more or less organized, probably more on the less side.

THE MENACE

Foxglove (true name [REDACTED]), my actual meowmeow wasn't 100% raised in the orphanage. She was sent there when her mom died at 10. She spent weeks being weird and standoffish and basically just picking fights if anyone tried to get close to her.

One of the few people she never hit was Robin, because Robin was always nice about her personal space. They are friendly and cordial to each other to this day despite everything, but Foxglove doesn't really spend a lot of time with Robin/will not save her ass from Bailey.

Because she was only taken in as an older child, she doesn't respect Bailey half as much as she should.

Her first crush was Winter and her first official girlfriend was Whitney. She was part of Whitney's clique and generally a delinquent and a bully, which made her reputation with teachers quite awful, which pained her a bit since Winter now sees her as a talented troublemaker at best.

Other school LIs like Sydney (when Pure, at least. Corrupt is... a bit different.) and Kylar avoid her like the plague. Kylar has had an embarrassing crush on her that she was mocked relentlessly for and made the poor weeb into Whitney's target for months.

Had a really bad relationship with an unnamed older woman when she was younger that really finished fucking up the fuck up.

Met Avery while dancing at a party, by the way, and not in the usual ways because. Um. Because i wanna. Avery pulled her away from some lecherous partygoers and done fucked up both of their lives forever.

She is legiterally obsessed with Avery and molding herself into a perfect companion for her. This has made her a better student to impress her but estranged her from all of her friends :( She is also way more polite now, though her charisma is natural and she didn't have to work on that as much. This change has pleased Winter! :) She's also a delight to have in parties or in gatherings in general.

She is both a mean sadist and a freaky masochist. As much as she likes bullying the weak, she has this whole thing where she's sure she should be punished and just needs someone to do it for her because she realizes she's too self absorbed to do it herself.

Though she lets Avery push her around and only playfully banters in response, she often has complete meltdowns where she starts telling Avery exactly how much she sucks and how she's never going to be loved and how they will go to hell together hand in unlovable hand. Idk which one of them is crazier for staying together at this point.

She has been a fox since a looooong time. She messes with occult stuff quite oftenly, and as a fun fact has been a suspect in a disappearance case (but police is still useless in this town lol).

Local School Prince

Ronnie (Veronica), my main and most played with PC on the other hand was 100% raised in the orphanage. As a kid she was always protecting the smaller kids from bullies, which included Robin, who is now still her best friend/pseudogirlfriend.

She has an honest to God savior complex. Her life isn't complete if she's not servicing the weak and vulnerable... Especially weak and vulnerable girls. This has somehow made her into a massive player.

Like, it's not like she wants to play with girls' feelings. It's just that she gives them so much love and attention and protection that they fall for her and then what should she do? NOT kiss them? You're being unreasonable :(

She's very oftenly mistaken as a boy. The first time she cut her hair she was made fun of at the orphanage so Robin cut her own hair too. They both have worn it short since and Robin seems to be picking up on way more than just her haircut.

Despite that, for a long time her behavior made Robin think that she should act more ladylike to have Ronnie's attention. This isn't true at all, by the way, and Ronnie thinks Robin never looked hotter when she starts dressing masculine too.

Despite all of that, will likely never admit the romantic nature of her and Robin's relationship. She thinks of Robin as family despite the fact that they're oftenly crossing lines, because she doesn't want to ever lose Robin as a friend since they have both been there for each other's worst moments. Kylar would love to have half as much codependency as they have tbh.

She's dating Kylar officially. It honestly just started with her kissing the poor girl to make her stop getting mocked at a class get-together Kylar was about to run away from in tears, and Kylar remembered this forever but Ronnie forgot about it until she saw Kylar getting bullied again. She has since made it her mission to protect her and maybe raise her reputation a bit if she can convince Kylar to act less like a soaked cat. Maybe brush her hair before coming to school. She desperately wants Kylar to stand on her own legs, but while she can't, Ronnie will gladly support her.

On the point above. She is a bit too proud of Kylar attacking people, honestly. And slowly she's been thinking Kylar is much cooler all of a sudden... It's a strange feeling, and she's not too sure what to make of it. But her drawings and her cringe anime have started to worm their way into Ronnie's heart for real.

Btw she does NOT realize how deranged Kylar is. Has no idea. She doesn't know about the sex doll (which may have had a dick at some point before Kylar realized something very important). She thinks Kylar is just kind of weird but does NOTTT grasp how insane she is.

With Sydney, she had a more distant relationship, but what were jokes to fluster the religious girl became friendly chats and then Ronnie walking her to the temple and helping out with her mom's shop and more and more conversations about sexuality and suddenly Sydney was dying her hair black and showing up to school in pants instead of her long skirt.

(Btw, i think it's be funnier/more in character if i pretend they dyed Syd's hair in a school bathroom after school hours in an event that was a battle between them, the mirror and God.)

Would apologize to Sirris for butchifying her daughter but a. She's not sorry and B. Sirris seems to think it's kinda cool actually

Whitney was probably the hardest relationship to have. They used to beat the shit out of each other, especially when Whitney picked on Robin, Kylar or Syd, but one day Whitney's jokes went a bit too far. Ronnie saved her from the consequences of her own actions but that didn't mean they were friends.

But her and Whitney started to become closer when she found out "Foxglove" (Ronnie thinks that name is cringe. Her real name [Redacted] is much cooler, but Foxglove is a weirdo anyway) had ditched her for Avery. Maybe it was the sympathy of yet another poor soul getting sucked into Avery's bullshit but she started to go softer on Whitney and then suddenly they were fucking because Ronnie is a gay whore‼️

Anyway. Yeah. Avery. Ronnie had dated Avery briefly and it ended horribly. She was just trying to make Avery feel better since she sensed some loneliness in her but she soon learned that misery loves company and that Avery was legitimately too much to deal with. She tried to first make Ronnie into something she wasn't, trying to force her either into a boyfriend role or making her act girlier, and neither pleased Ronnie. Then the fights started because Avery wouldn't accept a "no" and Ronnie wouldn't take shit then Avery started to get physically violent and then they threw hands at a pub and that unfortunately didn't ruin Avery's reputation as much as Ronnie would have hoped.

I think she only really understood what type of evil Avery was when she saw her pick up another orphan girl (not Foxglove, that one she managed to warn).

Her relationship w Foxglove is tense at best. After finding out about some shit however, she keeps her distance and wishes Robin would stop being so nice to her before it bites her in the ass.

Honestly just a puppy fr

Bane is probably the PC i draw/talk about the least because i've only now thought of a name for her LMAO. She's based on one of my first PCs ever who i've made a new save for recently. I have less info on her bc i'm slowly working thru her save.

She used to be a normal, if a little cowardly girl until she got lost in the forest. When Eden found her, she was more wolf than person, but honestly good enough (Eden's standards are low.)

Had honest to God almost forgotten how to speak human words until Eden spoke to her more or less regularly. Eden was surprised she could talk at all after only hearing her bark, growl or yap for a long while.

She has slowly become less of a savage wolf and more of a dog and then somewhat human again.

After spending like, three years or so living with Eden, she has decided to go back to school. Still learning to not solve conflicts through dominance checks and vicious bites, but she's making progress :)