#this is such a niche thing but the fact it's happened twice really makes me chuckle.

[camelliagwerm]

Arthur and Sera 🤝 Hissera and Emmrich

Early 20-something lesbian alchemist accidentally becoming besties with their 50-something work colleague who is really into spirits and the Fade.

[batsplat]

if you were to direct a motogp movie (or make a one season of television) what season or rivalry would you make it about? and more interesting what artistic liberties would you take? it doesn’t have to be a straight up biopic bc imo those are often boring, instead it could be something like velvet goldmine (1998) aka fictional characters whose real life counterparts are pretty obvious, veering in like rpf territory. anyways👀

did you know. one time this guy put a curse on this other guy. and he never won a race again

anyway, look, I do feel like by this point that's the BORING answer from me, but obviously it's where my mind first went. I'm not sure I'd actually want it out there in film form because by now it's badly enough remembered that it's like, my cute little niche story, and I think there's something fun about the Wider World even within the motogp fandom not exactly getting how bonkers the whole thing was. (I know other humans have canonically watched motogp 2004 but I swear even journalists have forgotten some key key details and it's kinda annoying but also fun.) bold words from someone who's been blogging about it!! weird gatekeep-y instinct. but basically my job here is done as far as outreach is concerned - I wrote a very long post, now I get asks about it twice a week that allow me to think about it some more with the four other people who care, perfect balance. that rivalry doesn't need to go mainstream!! the whole point of it is that it's kinda cruel but narratively pleasing that it's gone under the radar, because it's another sign valentino won. but obviously, I cannot literally make a film about this, so the hypothetical repercussions I think maybe we can put aside for a moment here

okay I came back to this bit of the post after I increasingly got into of the spirit of coming up with dumb ideas, but it did make me flesh out what I'd even WANT from something like that. I'm with you anon, a lot of biopics are boring!! if you want to just know what happened, please just literally go and 'watch the races' and 'read books' like what are we actually getting here. you kinda want to give it a purpose for existing, right, a way of portraying real/mildly fictionalised events in a manner that is also taking some kind of stance on the material AND is doing stuff you can't do 'in real life'. thing is, look, you could make 2006 into a film, and I'm sure it'd be perfectly nice because it's fundamentally a solid underdog story (well, inherently winning a title with repsol honda is NOT being an underdog but you can write it that way), but also what are you doing beyond just telling people what happened? I feel like that generally about single seasons, they're not really doing anything for me. I was also turning around the biaggi/valentino rivalry in my head in part because that's the one valentino gave as his answer for 'rivalry he would turn into a film' (marc big wet eyes sitting right next to him), but like. a film about that rivalry from valentino's pov is fundamentally not something I'm interested in. you have all these isolated very memorable moments that make it work as a rivalry, like you can absolutely spin them into a dramatic yarn that goes through the genesis of their conflict to middle finger gate to punching gate to assen + donington + sachsenring + phillip island 2001 and it's basically *insert rousing music* successful coming of age. at most you can lean into the fact valentino became successful at being a dick. like idk it's fine but also what's the point? valentino is challenged in a sports context by biaggi, he's challenged because he realises his words have consequence and the press actually reports the words he says to journalists (the horror), but he is fundamentally not challenged on a personal level. that's the entire point, right? it's the ultimate comfort zone rivalry - biaggi is a dick who it is quite easy to hate and also reacts poorly to valentino's initial provocation. the animosity escalates and it is inherently fun to beat him. valentino is mean to him, but it's not like he even really crosses any lines to beat him. like you can make it into a film, and if you twisted the material a little bit you could make it satisfying, but I don't want to!

now the way the writing process of this post worked was that I was going to breeze through a bunch of non-sete/valentino rivalries and explain why I think some of them don't work for our purposes here, but then I ended up writing myself into changing my mind. so my take on the biaggi rivalry is that actually, you CAN make it work but it has to be from biaggi's perspective. basically, I think you've got to amadeus it (a web weave I have been thinking of making at some point btw). so,,, it's a meditation on talent and how unfair it all is, maybe minus the bit where salieri poisons amadeus (I know that doesn't happen in the film) or dresses up as amadeus' father to, y'know, make him write a requiem on his death bed. and it's not amadeus in that HERE, the clown prince gets a happy ending! but it's more like, in thematic terms, I think you have to zero in on this bit. biaggi didn't have parents who shoved him on a bike when he was three years old, he didn't have parents who were invested in his motorcycling career (or even necessarily particularly invested in him), he started the sport late and discovered that, yes, he did have a prodigious amount of skill in it - but one that he started honing far later than valentino did. he approached his career with a sort of grim resolve, surly and irascible and not interested in making friends with any of his competitors but very, very good. he goes away from the race track and dates all these models, he irritates fellow riders, he's not part of the gang and he's happy about it. he's very successful! four 250cc titles, wins his first ever race in 500cc at a time when doohan was very much winning everything. he's also just like,,,, an interesting and spiky enough character it's not hard to make him come alive

but then of course you have this gradual emergence of the amadeus character, the one who challenges his established position in the court of,, well... motorcycle racing, and also as the guy italians rooted for! and valentino's obviously, y'know, in so many ways the exact opposite from biaggi, and he's super young and cheerful and lively and is doing all his silly celebrations and is being a bit camp and goofy and treats motorcycle racing as a party (you really want to lean into the culture clash here, like in amadeus it's because you have stuffy austrian court vibes but here it's because everyone is having their bones broken every two minutes and just how... kinda grim a lot of motorcycle racing was). and he's also this innocent! yes, he insults biaggi, and yes, in retrospect we know valentino is kinda evil, but at the time he was a kid with a big mouth who was a little taken aback by how that biaggi feud sort of escalated beyond what he'd actually intended it to do! and biaggi just, hates him. and I think, sorry to the real man max biaggi here, but you've got to play with how once they're actually competing with each other, it's miserable how there's just this unbreachable gulf in talent. like, whatever biaggi does he cannot win! he isn't going to defeat valentino over the course of a full season! which is depressing and horrible and CRUEL, because there's this inevitability to the whole thing... and also! because valentino doesn't DESERVE it. and you don't have to go full salieri pleading with god to explain how god could give this CLOWN all this talent, but it's kinda the same vibe! how is it valentino, who is constantly just having a laff and canonically maybe wasn't the biggest gym-goer in the paddock and is just generally seen as, y'know, a bit of a dandy, this foppish clown who everyone loves and who doesn't have to work hard to be good - how is he the one who is winning so much!! it's miserable and unjust... and I think how you portray this is that you really emphasise the kinda, repetitive nature of the defeat. like, I think you probably want to make this into a non-linear narrative where all this biaggi backstory is communicated somehow but you don't just start it when he was born or whatever - you start it in 2001 when they're competing for a title and already hate each other. and then you heavy on the time loop vibes. the whole cinematic language and all that other shit should emphasise how all these weekends are structured in exactly the same way and if you're losing to this one guy, all these different weekends can start feeling the same. it bleeds into each other, it feels inescapable, you're trapped in this narrative you can't change... worst of all, you even return to the same places again and again - like play with that! biaggi keeps coming back to where they had the fist fight, to where valentino first insulted him all those years back. you play up the disorientation and the misery of it all, plus biaggi canonically gives us all this kinda messy freudian shit to play with like how he was dating 'valentina' and his relationship with her was falling apart because of how miserable valentino was making him. it's all there!!

ANYWAYS the way you conclude this story is!! welkom 2004!! so again we can artistic license this a little bit and, uh, ignore sete (though I do also think it's fun if you lean into biaggi being displaced as a rival and staring at them being friendly and happy with each other from the outside) - but the key bit is that valentino is finally making the big error. biaggi wasn't winning titles on a yamaha, since he left yamaha has gotten worse, now valentino is making this big mistake out of his own hubris. language of cinema that shit and make everything brighter and more hopeful.... the time loop is finally over, biaggi has escaped, this year will be different!!!! everyone in his circle agrees, valentino is fucked. step off the plane at welkom (pre season testing didn't happen in this universe) and it's literal dawn of a new day... staring out at the sun and finally, biaggi can move on, can live a new and different life. anyway. obviously we all know what's coming next - you have this big dramatic climactic race where biaggi throws himself at valentino again and again and again and he comes so close to winning it... but he doesn't. and you have valentino living his best life, being delighted, but the film is focusing on how like,,, we're bleaching the joy back out of biaggi's life, how actually he's returning to what he already knew. and it ends on the podium, with the camera focusing on biaggi on that fucking second step or zooming in or whatever (idk how cinema works) and it just finishes on this shot of biaggi dead-eyed in a bleak world, trapped again for eternity aka until the end of the 2005 season. done!! I'm not sure this is quite what valentino had in mind, but. well. that's how I'd do it

this is from the pushkin play from 1832 not the 1984 film but like. low key pushkin already kinda nailed the essence of sports rivalries in the 1830s and we just have to acknowledge that sometimes

right. so the casey rivalry is where I'm going to go completely off the wall. skip this bit to get to the slightly saner stuff. this is also one I fully admit to sometimes playing around with in my mind anyway, but. uh. I'm gonna be taking this one in just. well. places. I do have a vision here but I also don't quite know how to explain it in a way that doesn't make me sound like I've lost my mind, but well if you're still reading this then that's on you. so lemme get this out of the way: the classic sports biopic formula would work well with casey. if I had to point to a single rider I would sports biopic-ify, it's casey. so you have all this kinda,, obvious adversity that's easy to get across, and it's a narrative you can follow chronologically without too much trouble. you've got all the childhood stuff, the australian racing club not letting him join them, the move to britain, the rising through the ranks, it's also this very biopic-friendly 'nobody ever believed in him apart from like three people' stuff. and the premier class is also narratively satisfying, from the rocky rookie season to the kinda shock success to then all the lows of 2008 and 2009 and the physical ailments and the anxiety and then the switch to honda and the title and then him deciding to retire... that's all good stuff! you can absolutely biopic-ify it! gun to my head and sure, I can walk you through exactly what bits of his life I'd focus on and put in what order and so on, and I think ultimately you could make a very good sports biopic from that

[some mild gore to follow in this next section]

but also. thing is. that's fine. it's just not where I want to go here, because again I feel like at that point you can also pick up his autobiography and just read it - because what you're basically doing here is just filming that. and I get how this stuff works, you're bringing the story to a wider audience, you can show stuff in a different way in that medium etc etc, and that's all great but also I don't care about bringing stuff to a wider audience. I care about doing fun stuff in my brain. so what I'd actually do here is just, basically, go in the exact opposite direction and ditch all the realism. genuinely, ditch the live action stuff, we're going animated - what I'm interested in here is stuff where we need to be able to fully suspend our disbelief and lean into some surreal shit. I'm not going to bury the lede here: my idea is that you take that thing where casey said he hated how ducati was ruining the bike by letting valentino's yellow encroach on it and, basically,, just go all in on that bit. like come on, that is so singularly visually evocative, it truly captures a lot of what's going on thematically in that rivalry. (see also x and x for the most relevant casey posts.) casey sees valentino as the malevolent force, this infection! he associates him strongly with a specific colour, one that can be sickly or unnatural or just... evil. malignant, malicious, malevolent, all the m words. to casey, valentino is a personification of everything that is wrong with the sport. valentino is literally the walking manifestation for so many of his issues, from the dangerous riding to the lack of respect to the lying to the cult of personality to the obsession with image and the media to the backroom games to the politics to the injustice of how different riders are treated differently, like!! he's literally all of that! this is a topic for another post, but this plays out in a lot of kinda, weird and funky ways where it's a two way street and sometimes when casey talks about motogp you go 'actually I think that's just valentino?' (btw he also does this about 'europe' right I don't think those are europeans you hate casey that's literally just valentino) and sometimes when he talks about valentino it's kinda? this feels like it's about a little more than the bloke himself? and basically, right, I think you need to take this to its natural conclusion where casey used to admire him and look up to him and want to emulate him on track and then gets disillusioned when valentino's worshippers turn against casey and casey is the one to bring valentino down to earth and... listen, I think you need to play around with valentino being a literal god. and I think you need to have casey stab him to cover up the yellow on the ducati with blood

okay. look. the idea here, right, is that we're basically making the subtext text, and just digging into that process of 'bringing valentino back to earth', of taking on a god and having the audacity to succeed, and also treating valentino as this sort of. infection in his own mind. the bike is literally being infected!! casey may have left the ducati but he STILL has some fidelity and love for this project, those were his people he worked with, and now valentino is coming in and just twisting everything around himself!! but also I think how this functions is that, okay, so you have all this normal stuff that's the actual 'plot' in the 'real world', but the ISSUE with the real world is that there's a lot of stuff that just. isn't possible there. like the thing casey wants in that rivalry but is never going to have is... a captive audience. a big problem casey has in that rivalry is that he doesn't get the chance to actually say a lot of stuff to valentino. he starts using the media more and more and plays the game on valentino's level, but there's still this disconnect where mr straight talking is the valentino rival who valentino never really blanks or freezes out like... there's a disconnect! there's valentino the person, who casey never quite figures out how to just straight up hate, and then there's valentino the character, the racer, the rider, the god who casey DESPISES. but when they're doing small talk at pressers and podiums, casey doesn't get to talk to that version of valentino! he just talks to valentino the person, who obviously isn't literally a different person but is also not going to explain to casey where he's coming from, is he, and also isn't someone who casey can explain to where HE is coming from. and that gulf... it does bother casey. I don't think he can quite verbalise why either, but there's just... this creeping tension. I think it'd be easier for casey if valentino really were more of a caricature, just kinda a dick in all walks of life. and there's just these canonical hints of that... the way casey talks about how he's sure valentino as a guy is fine, but he never knew valentino like that, the whole 'I'd like to go with valentino for dinner to tell him where I was coming from in that rivalry' thing, like!! it's there

so basically EYE think what you should be doing is using the wonders of storytelling to actually. embrace that element. and just leave realism behind now and again. valentino is a god, he is literally worshipped, he's part of this pantheon that casey is trekking to reach. casey is brave enough to take him on in combat, he is the first one who is truly able to draw blood. he sees how valentino isn't just a god of joy or battles or speed or the SUN or any of that other stuff - he's a disease, an illness, a god who is also a false prophet... the worship never quite goes away, because who ever truly gets rid of their valentino rossi complex, but casey eventually is given the chance to face a chained valentino and kinda,,, ritualistically publicly humiliate him using the ducati as both this sick thing that has to be 'cured' and this symbol of valentino's failure. I'm sorry, visual language goes brr here, like chain him up, do weirdly eroticised torture idc!! (psst psst valentino's fucked up shoulder also extremely goes brr here, casey low key a teensy bit weird about valentino's injuries? his thing after the 2010 leg break where he goes 'why's everyone making such a big deal about this other people break their limbs too' and then after 2011 jerez immediately asking whether valentino's shoulder is okay in just a very obviously passive aggressive way. literally he opens with that, valentino isn't using it as an excuse or anything, for some reason it's already on casey's mind and I would politely contest it was out of genuine concern for valentino's wellbeing!! it's just kinda? I'm so compelled by it? I suppose it is kinda about how valentino's suffering gets taken more seriously than his own? how those absences are received differently by the motogp world? idk I find this fun because casey does know this is one thing valentino can't really be blamed for himself, so it just slips out a bit? but yeah, casey + valentino's injuries, nobody's talking about it but I sure will, let casey get weird and mean and a teensy bit sadistic about valentino's injuries in an artistic manner.) crucially I like animation as a medium here because I think it's easier to lean into surrealism when you don't have to hand hold the audience so much through the suspension of realism, also there's just some imagery you can do in cooler ways through animation where in live action it may just look. weird. (I think you can also do one of those things where you have a live action film with only those specific bits animated but also... why? it just feels like in live action you need more 'justifications' for things, like am I saying casey is having some weird hallucinations and is losing his mind? no I just want to have weird vision sequences ffs.) the colour stuff!! valentino/casey is big on the colour coding as a rivalry, to the extent casey is even, y'know, drawing attention to it in the literal text!! yellow and red are banger colours, valentino is big on imagery himself with all his sun + moon motifs, it's kind of all there to make the easy next step to kinda zany surreal imagery. ritualistic stabbing works better in animation, you can kinda get the blood to like. drip down and overwhelm the yellow illness that's slithered out across the bike

and. AND of course what this entire set up allows you to do is.... give them an opportunity to talk. they can't talk in real life! casey CAN'T give him his real thoughts on anything, and fundamentally valentino can't either. they're opponents. they're strangers who chat sometimes. it's not just that they aren't friends, it's that fundamentally they cannot be friends - because their ability to do their actual jobs depends on a certain level of professional distance. valentino of course does have a decent read on casey, and vice versa, because when you're figuring out how to defeat someone then (if you're valentino) you're looking to play the rider too. valentino's entire approach depends on focusing in on his rivals and attempting to throw them off, to make them unravel. he's watching casey closely!! the entire journey of casey's first three seasons in the premier class essentially becomes like, this god of their world focusing in on him. figuring him out. trying to gnaw away at him. obviously, animation also allows you to go big on the panopticon-y imagery which is kinda fundamental to their rivalry, because of their fundamentally oppositional stances to 'performing' for the ever present cameras where there IS a little bit of common ground in they have both struggled with it. but valentino isn't going to ever say that to casey! casey isn't going to open up to valentino! so if you give them,, you know, a different arena to express themselves, where casey actually has this external figure to talk to (as he's like, cutting him open I guess) whereas valentino actually is put in a position where he's allowed to respond, where he can taunt casey a little bit, where he can interrogate casey's approach and also the similarities between the two of them and how casey has been forced to become a little more like valentino to challenge him... because the thing is, right, valentino is so big on message discipline with his rivals and has completely stopped talking about that rivalry post mid 2013 that, first of all, you have this complete imbalance in who's been telling this story for the past decade, but second of all you kinda don't have a sense of what valentino would respond? idk!! I think this is mainly fun as a thought exercise for me specifically but also I do think it's kinda, digging into some of the bits that make this narratively work as a rivalry, how valentino in this rivalry is actually just kinda... removed. like he's not really emotional about it!! at most he's a bit bitchy, but even that just feels about The Game. it's the most extreme in this regard followed by jorge - but with valentino's other feuds you kinda... see a bit more an unguarded moment, see something a little more real there. the casey rivalry feels so uncomfortable precisely because valentino is a little... inhuman in this one. I mean, if you want to have valentino as some kind of cross between a deity and a monster in any of his feuds, this is the one. casey's just an obstacle to him. idk don't you think casey kinda wants to chain valentino down and stab him and make him see casey a little more... well, I think he should want it and I think it'd be fun to see and get them to talk to each other. ugh and also all the implications of making the faith vs non-believer elements more literal... casey the heretic!!!

there's some obvious stuff here you'd have to figure out, like 'how do you make this work as a narrative even to people who aren't familiar with casey stoner at all' and 'who the fuck do you think the target audience is here' and 'you do know this is not the kind of thing that would ever be made, right, go back to the casey stoner sports biopic like a sane person' but!! I do think it's material you can make work if you're just,,, efficient and smart in how you're actually telling the 'real life' version of the rivalry. also in my head this is. idk. an animated limited series not a film, which then brings in other stuff like 'episodic structure' because I'm fundamentally opposed to tv shows that think they're films. and look, I'm not going to write an entire film script treatment here, I just think a good writer can figure this stuff out. blood on the ducati is the framing device for everything else, simple. lots of animated floating eyes I reckon, first casey is watching valentino and then valentino is watching casey and the whole world is watching them... and it does bleed into real life just a little, where you're wondering whether casey is actually imagining/dreaming this stuff or valentino is or if they both know it somehow... you can get away with more ambiguity in animation. anyway, if you do want more thoughts on this one specifically for whatever reason, let me know because this one I do actually have more on

also laguna 2008 is a bit tortoise and the hare coded if you really think about it

[end of gore]

so. on to jorge. hm. the thing about jorge is that he was kinda writing a coming of age film in his own head, so like - yes, that's what you do go for? you can play it straight and follow how jorge has cast his rivals, or you can pin the whole narrative on the fact that jorge has cast them - the kinda artificiality of the narrative, the way jorge is this storyteller who isn't being recognised as much as he thinks he should be, isnt adequately appreciated. the way there's this three way discourse between what jorge thinks the story is and what the public thinks the story is and actual. you know. reality. I think this is a bit more light-hearted, like you know how the best stories about teenagers take their emotions seriously but also let them be kinda silly? because young people are silly! jorge was silly! he's got a lot of CHARM because he's so cocky and naive and full on and intense and awkward and kinda off-putting and tactless and a bit all over the place and so painfully, painfully young, like he's a good protagonist because that's a KID. but also, obviously there's also a lot of extremely not light-hearted bits of his story - everything about his father, his manager... idk this one's another one where, I don't just want to make it a generic sports biopic, and I'm trying to figure out the clear narrative arc here? I mean, you can point to the end of 2010 and really lean into him choosing victory on-track over popularity off it. the problem with 2010 is that it does not work as a dramatic season, yeah sure with the magic of biopics you can hack at it to shit but also. idk. what are we getting out of it. I think for narrative purposes you want to maybe narrow in, and end it at the end of 2008, with the switching of the numbers this kind of moment of emancipation? but also! this feels like we're straying a bit too far away from the fun sports elements and I don't want to REALLY suggest all the ways in which you could mine jorge's personal trauma in a jokey tumblr post, so I'm gonna move on from this one

the problem is 2015 just straight up doesn't work as a jorge-centric narrative, except in a very kinda comic way that leans into how absurd his role in that season was. 2012 as a season is a bit... y'know, it's fine. okay it's mostly terrible, but that's fine too. but it doesn't have a great narrative hook. which kinda leads you to the problem that I do think the valentino rivalry is more... juicy from jorge's pov, because for valentino, jorge is just kinda? an obstacle? idk he's more normal about it, it's just his job to destroy the guy, you know how it is. but also 2009 does work better narratively from valentino's pov, like it's the build up to catalunya specifically you can dramaticise... idk though, I do love catalunya but my heart isn't really in this exercise because I think valentino isn't really being... challenged here? it's a title fight where he's fundamentally using a set of tools he's already perfected, to beat a guy he doesn't really give a shit about. when the italian press is down on him pre catalunya, it doesn't spark any genuine self-doubt - it's just a handy source of extra motivation. there's no epic highs or lows that season, not real ones. and yes I know I was talking about making valentino who gets stabbed repeatedly to cover up an infection a moment ago, but that reflected real EMOTIONAL truths!! I'm committed to thematic fidelity more than I am to literal fidelity

genuinely I think the best way to tackle jorge is with the jorge/dani parallel journeys... what, film? tv show? maybe show actually - you don't have one coherent narrative Statement per se but you're constantly charting those journeys in reference to each other, really rooting it in their respective points of views, no neutral detached cinematic language like I want everything to be very much written to be from their eyes!! going from one to the other and back again. and you're charting these different journeys, right, and how they both captured different flavours of like... emotional successes and failures. I think it's actually about failure, yeah, about having to accept there's something you can't have and might never be able to get - whether that's universal love or a premier class title or whatever - but Actually, that might not be the end of the world. and during this process, they go from being enemies to tentative friends!! guys who realise they can maybe actually understand each other better than they thought!! this real moment of interpersonal connection. you have all these media narratives and the managers and so on and the fact they're competitors as these built in reasons why they've just been pitted against each other from the start... but y'know, again, it is also just a bit about maturing, about being able to set that aside, about making your peace with defeat and failure as an element of growing up. you can't win everything, maybe there's something you really really really want and you're just not going to get it, but at the end of the day it's kinda... yeah. self-acceptance. idk this is the nice one

so with marc you can go several different ways here I guess, and again he's also perfectly decent sports biopic material, probably second to casey in that category like yeah sure do the comeback story. but also, we do already have a very good self-produced documentary about what he thinks the narratives of his career are? idk this is also just a personal taste thing, I'll leave him to doing all the injury stuff himself, I don't have much to add there. we'll get to the obvious one in a second, but I was trying to figure out if there were other places I massively felt like you need the cinematic touch. and, again, the 2013 season is obviously very exciting!! but also, you have it covered in.,,,, multiple documentaries, I don't feel I have a take their either? his rivalries with dani and jorge aren't really substantive enough to sustain a bit of cinema. dovi... I mean, what are you saying there? what's the arc? I feel like if I tackled dovi, I'd go somewhere else and really go all in with the ducati stuff, and make it a bit more... you know, stark, stripped back, basically just the emotional component of how much he gave to that project and how he managed to beat away one rival after the next and how it all ended up falling apart in a kind of anti-climactic way? he's also good sports biopic material, but in a way I think the marc rivalry is the bit of his story I have the least to say on. so eg, 2017 is a dramatic season, but he's also kinda fine after it? he always knew it was a long shot, he tried his best and he got really close and then he lost. you can't amadeus it because dovi isn't (fictional) salieri. basically, I think what I'm saying here is that dovi is too well-adjusted to feature in this post. though I'd totally watch a film about his 250cc seasons, like it's a bit annoying because HE is the underdog who loses both title fights to jorge, but it'd still be kinda fun idk. I wouldn't really know what to do with the material but if someone made the film I'd absolutely watch it

right then. the thing about sepang 2015 is... yeah, sure, of course you can do it, it already exists as a narrative but... yeah, what are you adding!! idk I always think when you're adapting something, you kinda need to have a reason for it? I mean, what are you doing that's not already there in the footage? idk maybe this is just a sign of having been a fan of this sport for one too many years but to me the idea of sepang 2015 can get a bit boring (or maybe just repetitive) where I need a new TAKE on it to really get into the idea of fictionalising it. like where's the auteur's touch y'know, what can I still add to this!! but it also needs to WORK for someone who is new to the story, which kinda just makes you want to tell the story straight.... y'know the story is strong enough and COMPLICATED enough to stand on its own and it IS good but I don't really have anything interesting to say beyond 'yeah sure that'e be neat'. I can't tell you why, but I also don't think the casey approach quite works here? the idea of providing a framing device with which valentino and marc can actually talk to each other... eh. don't like that. hm. okay wait actually I just turned it around in my head for... a while and I think I've got an idea to make the worst motorcycle racing film of all time. so, my central stupid film-making gimmick here is just. centring the fact we're completely reliant on a few guys and what they're telling us in making up our minds, and our removal from that story and the imperfection of their perceptions and so on. so I think you kinda make a point of... not actually showing the motorcycle racing? like, you always show it by showing other people watching it, you're showing the tv screen rather than the actual racing. even in the cinematic medium, you're centring the theatrical aspects, where you drill it down to just a few characters. valentino. marc. uccio. marc's fuck ass manager. maybe a crew chief or two. keep it limited though, all the others are kept at a distance - you're constantly focusing in on the same few characters. and very early on you basically just like... get them to fourth wall break by telling you, the viewer, with their actual words how racing works for them, what meaning they take out of it - and again it's this remove because we're never allowed to actually feel the racing for ourselves (no helmet cams), and it sets up that as the tragedy unfolds, again and again we're just hearing from them what happened. it's all zoomed in on how claustrophobic the entire situation is, like doing the race direction room after the sepang 2015 is perfect for that kind of thing, and crucially they're only ever addressing the audience because they can't address each other. but fourth wall breaks also obviously draw attention to artificiality! I realise they are very much like, lame gimmick central, but also are these men not inherently about lame gimmicks... idk it's basically the same story but at least it feels like a kinda interesting way of telling it. kinda trite, but cinema allows you to get to the point and let valentino actually play with the camera... so literally take it into his own hands and lead it around and tell the story from his point of view. and you can play with how they do both change in what stories they think they're telling, how they're constantly revising their own stories, how their stories completely clash with each other... like. make them literal narrators. that's my pitch

so. one interesting pattern that has come up with my approaches to these rivalries is that with the exception maybe of the 2015 stuff, I feel like I'm more naturally inclined to treat valentino as a narrative device and centre his rivals. a big part of this is that valentino is a fantastic narrative device. he's kinda. this looming presence in every narrative in this sport where you can just sort of use him as a sort of way to poke away at all these other riders. the monster everyone loves who you are trapped with. BOO!! he's gonna eat you! which is fun! but ALSO, crucially, several of these rivalries aren't that emotionally challenging for him!! again, with casey right, he wants to beat him, but he's not having a crisis of faith over losing to casey. he thinks casey is annoying, he wants to beat him because he wants to win. valentino is casey's foil, but casey is not valentino's. valentino makes for an excellent personal antagonist to casey, but the reverse just isn't true. casey isn't forcing valentino to reexamine his approach except 'ramping up the levels of being a dick on-track' - like, yes, that's a serious competitive challenge, but also valentino is very comfortable in his own skin in that rivalry. sure, you could have valentino have some kind of massive revelation about the casey rivalry, but like. he doesn't in canon. he changes his behaviour towards casey in pretty predictable ways depending on what the relationship demands from his perspective at any given time. there's nothing more there

now, obviously you know where I'm going here. there IS a rivalry where you can make the argument he changes as a result of it, there IS a rivalry that tips him over the line and makes him to do stuff he hadn't done before that, there IS a rivalry that happens to coincide with a period of his competitive life that challenges him both personally and professionally. now, look, I have already talked about the sete rivalry. you know what I think about this rivalry - and if you don't, I really already have told the story here and here and here and here and also here. I think this works perfectly well as a narrative in its own right, and it's one you can tell from either perspective... but you kinda need both. I think again you probably naturally lean towards starting it from sete's perspective and that first proper meeting (I mean, idk if it is their first actual meeting, but it's the logical obvious place you start this story) with sete giving valentino advice during his first 500cc test and valentino just, y'know, ignoring him and being a cocky shit and then crashing. so you get to see sete being kinda exasperated by the whole thing. also, obviously ibiza is like, a key framing device here, like it's the most obvious in-your-face way of tracking their relationship with each other. I don't actually know how often they partied there together, but it must have been at least twice and if the commentators are to be believed it must have included 2003. artistic license and you can add one or two more times, but mainly you want to focus in on 2003 onwards right. so you've got this 2002 one where it's, y'know, high point of their friendship and in the name of narrative efficiency, you establish here that sete is looking to make the honda switch. the emphasis is on how valentino has been winning everything but on the flip side you're getting the first insight into his discontent. and there's a bit of a vibe of, what could you possibly have to complain about? like you are winning so much? so it's late one night where they've had this slightly unguarded alcohol-fuelled moment of genuine vulnerability but in the end it's actually characterised by how... unsubstantial the link between them is, because they wouldn't talk about this kind of thing with each other and they might both be similar in some ways but also don't gettttttt each other. it means you can return there as a location in 2003, where you've just had sachsenring and valentino's dramatic loss but they're still partying together and it's like. obviously In The Air that not everything is quite right... their relationship is already gradually altered and twisted because you're introducing this element of actual stakes and competition (obviously in 2004 they do NOT spend that time together, as far as we know anyway, and you can show them being very much not together at ibiza as a very obvious Oooh Things Will Fall Apart and maybe already haveeee)

and I do think basically I've already said what I think the themes here are,,,, several times by this point, so I'm not going to belabour the point. I think all of this fundamentally works as a narrative with like, minimal massaging and rearranging of the elements for dramatic effect. it's all there already, everything from sete's arc with the [insert non-tasteless way of covering a real life tragedy that fundamentally alters the course of sete's career] and how that leads to sete becoming the challenger and how he does want to win and his eventual downfall. with valentino, you have the element of liberation and self-discovery and... well, growing into your own but also kinda having the narrative drawing attention to how 'growing into your own' can involve becoming a fully realised character who is essentially quite cruel? you have this kind of... build up, right, towards this moment of revelation, where you lay bare who these two people actually ARE at sepang 2004, and then again at jerez 2005. valentino has gone his own way, he has freed himself from the chains of honda, he has embraced individualism and the chance to define himself and his own legacy and stand on his own two feet and not rely on the strongest bike or all this stuff within honda where they chose him as their flag bearer, for better or for worse... like he comes to his own here! he takes the step from 'great rider' to 'legend' because he gets to this dramatic moment of stepping into the unknown, he takes this massive risk that could have cost him so much, and it ends up elevating him. but it also puts him under duress, and in that moment he reveals himself - whatever sete did or did not do at qatar 2004, EVEN IF sete did all that shit, what you are left with is valentino vowing to ruin this man. valentino uses sete to make himself 'better', to fuel himself as a competitor. valentino turns sete into a tool in his own story. and again, thematically you've got all this stuff about how sete was managing the image of the rivalry and how valentino took advantage of that - how sete needed it to remain respectful and valentino was completely willing to abandon that. like, you have two protagonists who really are similar in quite a few ways, who think they have this shared understanding with each other, but when it comes down to it? they end up being super painfully different

now I can go on about this and how to play it straight, basically, you can just do that rivalry and I think it'd be cool and fun and very easy to arrange in a good narrative way. BUT I've kind of already. done that. like I don't want to suggest a film that is basically a nicer version of my tumblr posts. so I want to take this in a slightly different direction, and I think what we need to consider with this rivalry is this: what if you made the curse literal? basically, what's always kinda charmed me about this rivalry is that the curse should not work and all the misfortune that befalls sete after that is so comical that it's kinda... what do you do with that? and the answer is you just lean all the way in. my pitch is this: what if valentino sells his soul to the devil?

so, you know faust, right, and you know the bit at the start of goethe's faust where god and mephistopheles are basically making a wager over how corruptible this one human is. and faust is like... he's kinda disillusioned, he feels that everything he's dedicated his life to in academia is fundamentally hollow, gets very close to committing suicide. and faust has gone a bit new age-y, gotten into all this mystical shit and he's got this pentagram that ends up preventing mephistopheles from leaving his presence in their first meeting... and basically what the devil can give him is like, the chance to attain some true pleasure, and for that faust is willing to bet everything - so if faust can just have that, then maybe eternal damnation is worth it. and look, I'm not going to summarise the entire plot of faust here and it does go off the wall a bit with all the gretchen stuff, but the point is you have this version of the devil who is fundamentally a cynic and is attempting to win an argument with god by making this human succumb to his own nihilism. and what faust basically does is like, abandon his normal life where he's trying to live by normal virtues and goes off on this journey with the devil. and there's this little moment where mephistopheles,,, pretends to be faust and takes on the role of an academic adviser (you know how it is) and seduces this random student away from the word of god and sends him down a wretched path, which ends with this bit:

like, a big part of faust's tragedy is supposed to be about... well, hubris, of the relationship of god to man, of no longer being afraid of the devil... and obviously, this is all framed very much in terms of religion, but at the end of the day it's also about, you know, having purpose - faust is living a life that no longer has any meaning to him, all of his knowledge and studies now no longer fill the void inside himself. his nihilism opens the door for mephistopheles, and is what makes him willing to accept the devil's terms. now, and I am so very sorry to goethe here, I think we have some material we can use here to explore the valentino/sete rivalry. obviously, you can't do a one-to-one, you need to get rid of some of like, the depression and all that - there were times when valentino was feeling 'a bit low' in 2003, but not 'faust thinking everything he'd done in his entire life was pointless' low, yeah? also, unless you want to do a real long view here and even then it can't really be justified, there obviously isn't really a 'tragedy' here from valentino's perspective. like, he wins! this isn't valentino's tragedy, it's sete's! I was being a bit facetious when I said he was 'selling his soul to the devil', and you can kinda parse mephistopheles' motivations in different ways depending on what flavour and what interpretation of him you're dealing with here. you don't 'damn' valentino, you essentially just turn him into a tool of the devil!

so, this is how this works out in my head: the devil works more broadly as the manifestation of competitive impulses, the kind of 'how far would you go to win' question as a bloke who shows up and literally talks to the characters about it (magic of cinema). he's also engaging with valentino feeling like his victories no longer having meaning, with being disconnected from honda and from the entire culture there and just feeling like he's going through the motions. there's this element of like... opening the door to what is essentially a journey of self-actualisation, bringing him closer to being a 'god' but also allowing him to fully come into his own and become himself. to win on his own terms. I reckon ibiza is my preferred narrative device where the devil talks both to sete and valentino there (separately), first literally as a mysterious stranger and then... maybe not? he's talking to them at times of their lives when they're not at ibiza and it's not happening there in the physical world and they both end up kinda having to confront they're dealing with some potentially malevolent supernatural entity. but the important elements of the devil is that a) he's not going to do anything the humans don't actually ask for themselves, and b) everyone knows he's following his own agenda and you should be careful of the requests you make of him. so it's kinda like... essentially, the backdrop of this rivalry unfolding is they're constantly being challenged to decide what lines they're willing to cross. which culminates at qatar... and maybe you do have sete making like. a teensy mistake. a teensy error in judgement, one that is both real and deliberate but he could not have known would get that reaction and instantly regrets. and valentino, who is I think inherently sceptical of the devil coming to offer to help him and maybe does crank out the pentagrams (remember, the whole point of faust is that he was too arrogant to be scared of the devil, or one of the points anyway), in a moment of fury does decide - no, actually. I will take that step. I will curse sete. now the thing is, dramatically this is a teensy bit tricky because when you're talking about being damned by the devil, usually the consequences are a bit more severe than 'not winning a motorcycle race again' (yes, you can get into how sete did also seem genuinely cursed after that, cf his ambulance/bus crash situation, but again we are flirting with being in poor taste in this tumblr post). but the thing is, right, you have to lean into the silliness here! qatar 2004 is inherently silly, a CURSE is inherently silly, like real life is already silly here! you have to engage with the people where they are, and for these athletes all this shit is so heightened that the emotions are full on. like, valentino would've sold that guy to the devil! and to him not winning another race is basically the worst thing that can happen

so, obviously, you get to do the actual curse stuff. curses are inherently campy fun, the devil doing curses is campy fun, getting valentino rossi to crank out the pentagrams is inherently campy fun. you get to play around with this, right, like you know that bit in the brno 2005 race commentary where the commentators are talking about how valentino might as well have a little radio to talk into sete's helmet to remind him of how sete had fucked up at the sachsenring. OBVIOUSLY obviously obviously it is just so... idk scrunchy and fun to have this idea of valentino becoming a malevolent enough force to literally do that.... like damn the commentators did kinda eat with that?? ughhhhhh do you ever think about sete leading the qatar 2005 race for most of the way???? like that's SO fucked up because you literally have articles from about the race going 'hey maybe sete can break his curse' and then the commentators are talking about curses having one year expiration dates but obviously they!! do not!!!!! there's one race where sete goes off track and the commentators are talking about how valentino will surely have smiled into his helmet like that's so fucked!! it's so fucked!! but idk I think basically you have all this creeping curse-y stuff and devil stuff and then you get this twist and then it just becomes misery zone for sete until you sort of. compress the timeline and have him retire without getting into what happened at the end of 2006. and valentino just relishing in all his very worst emotions. and you've got sete who was the better man after jerez 2005, who took the high ground again and again and again and it did NOTHING for him.... and then he's cursed and his career is finished and the devil has had his fun getting mixed in with mid noughties motogp. and now obviously this is inherently kinda dumb and corny and silly but it's the devil!! mephistopheles to me is allowed to get up to dumb shit sometimes, let him have some fun!! idk I like curses being literal idc

I think the obvious critique here is 'this doesn't really feel like it gets the message of faust'. which, yes, is true - and obviously the way narratives are structured, a satisfying resolution isn't 'well selling your soul kinda slaps, actually'. and my statement to respond to this argument is as follows:

this is essentially canonically what happened. valentino DID do something kinda evil and it DID work out 100% for him and it DID kinda slap. at least when you add in the devil, you're making explicit the bit where it is a little bit bad. also, is sports not inherently about selling your soul for success... the story of valentino and sete is essentially about how we are twisted by competition, how pretending that we don't wish ill to our opponents is inherently dishonest. it is about lifting a facade for something that is already inherently there in the souls of men. this is obviously inherently a deeply cynical stance, but this is also a deeply cynical story beyond all the fun battles and camp dramatics. the devil is a cynic and he is basically the point of view character of goethe's faust - he's the one who is positioned closest to the audience. sports is all about living out some of humanity's worst instincts in a relatively low stakes setting, which means we get a free pass to have fun with a deeply cynical story that goes 'maybe selling your soul to the devil is fine, actually'

do I stand by this stance? not really, but the whole fun of storytelling is that sometimes you can just be kinda mean. I think goethe would get it... you can tell which character he enjoyed writing the most

the OTHER way you can do this is centre everything around qatar 2004 as like,,, the mystery box element...... okay look I have now made two posts that go WAY too deep on the 'what really happened' element but I do loveeeeee the whole thing like I would just make a film about that very end of the season and we show it from all these different angles as different characters narrate what happened... like fuck all the riders I want to hear from whichever mechanic used the scooter... the gresini mechanic who gave evidence to race direction.... various honda higher ups the crew chiefs like this is jb vs juan martinez it's war!!! obviously you still have the same emotional/thematic hooks as the general rivalry does but idk I would have a LOT of fun figuring out how to structure that, I loveeee mysteries... maybe I'd write it as a mockumentary yeah..... this one's just fun

anyway. a lot of stuff going on in this post, huh! you can probably tell I didn't edit this much. my classic tell when I edit my tumblr posts is I remember how 'paragraphs' work. unfortunately all I have energy for are like. a bunch of rants about things in my brain. I think when tumblr tells you that you've reached the maximum number of characters per paragraph and you need to figure out where to put a break, it's probably a bad thing? on the whole, my stance is I don't have anything AGAINST mildly fictionalised versions, but for me I'm always more of a.... well I want to take advantage of the full specificity of the events as they happened or just come up with a completely original story. kind of person. I know this ask probably wasn't looking for my 'what if you bled out valentino as he's strung up above a red motorcycle' vision but yeah. with a lot of biopics I'm always a bit 'well you could just read about this couldn't you' like I need stuff to take some kind of a stance on the material it's using... all my stuff takes a stance. that's all I've got. obviously all these stances mean that basically none of these things could ever be made. and I know what I said above but if they called me up to write the casey stoner biopic script treatment, I would also do that. if you've actually read to this point, give me a shout - you're a real one and I love you

[lightandfellowship]

Do you have any headcanons for Xehanort and Strelitzia? I enjoyed your comic about them.

Aw, thank you, glad you liked it. As for headcanons...let's see...

While I don't know exactly how Xehanort in Quadratum would work, I do think that, if it does happen, it'll have something to do with the "nature taboo" stuff from KH3 Re:Mind and Xehanort's "joke" in KHDR about wanting a 14th lifetime. I imagine the Xehanort in Quadratum is some sort of backup plan or maybe the Xehanort that was meant to continue on in the new world that Xehanort would create with Kingdom Hearts.

That being said, I think it would be fun/interesting if this Xehanort wasn't really a villain at all. Either has memory loss or is simply a Xehanort from post-KHDR but before the villain turn thanks to MoM. So he's just been living a relatively normal life in Quadratum and would be on the side of the good guys (Sora + Strel) this time.

But anyway. I think at first Xehanort and Strel would have no idea that they're connected to each other through a common "friend": Player. Like maybe initially they're drawn to each other subconsciously because they can recognize that they're connected somehow (though I don't think Xehanort would recognize her by appearance because afaik Player never saw Strel in KHUX), but their friendship definitely lasts for a good while before they realize that they've been talking to each other about the same person this entire time.

Like Strel will talk about this person she really liked and desperately wanted to meet who she never got the chance to really know, Xehanort will eventually open up about his mentor/guardian who raised him on Destiny Islands, and one day it just clicks for them that...wait...why does this person they're talking about sound so familiar....

At which point Strel is like "Oh my god. No way. You have to tell me more about them. What were their favorite foods? Hobbies? Tell me everything!" And it's through Xehanort that Strel finally gets to "know" Player better, because, well, Xehanort knew them for like 15 whole years or whatever. In fact they were the only person Xehanort ever knew for those years; it's possible that Xehanort knows Player better than anybody else in the world. (I can imagine Strel feeling a little bitter/jealous about this...)

As for their friendship outside of Player...if Eraqus isn't in Quadratum with Xehanort, I imagine Strel almost being like a replacement Eraqus, as horrible/mean as that sounds lol. Like not literally replacing him as Xehanort's friend, but much like Eraqus she's the sun to Xehanort's moon. The gold to Xehanort's silver. The white clothes to Xehanort's black clothes. She fills a similiar niche. Maybe Xehanort even thinks to himself that she reminds him of Eraqus...and maybe that makes their friendship a little bittersweet because now Xehanort misses Eraqus even more.

I imagine people like Sora being kinda confused at first by Xehanort and Strel's friendship. Strel can be sunny and sweet and a little bit of a scaredy cat, Xehanort can be a little gloomy and blunt and quite confident in himself (though they both have the "socially and/or emotionally reserved" thing going for them.) After a while though Sora realizes that Strel and Xehanort's friendship reminds him of his own friendship with Riku, and then it starts to make more sense to him. And in any case, if this means that Xehanort is making friends and not causing trouble, then Sora's fine with it.

Now, I wonder if a recompleted Lauriam looking for his sister would be okay with their friendship, though, given that Marluxia has worked with a Xehanort twice at this point and even tried to betray one of them once. Lauriam would realize that Xehanort is dangerous and can't be trusted and would probably try to screw things up for Strel and Xehanort despite their friendship actually being genuine with no ulterior motives (can't really blame Lauriam, though.) But maybe Strel would put her foot down and try to convince Lauriam that Xehanort is perfectly harmless.

Strel: And anyway, he's my friend—what, you don't want me to finally have friends?? Huh??

Lauriam: Ugh. Fine! But the second he does anything fishy I'm slicing his head off with my scythe.

Strel: Okay. <3

Xehanort: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "OKAY. <3"???

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Emily and Wendell Have No Chill...On Opposite Ends of the Chill Spectrum

Ok, the more you put faerie and academia up next to each other, the more I see similarities between the two that both the academics and the fae would probably be extremely pissy about, from the strict hierarchical structures to the arbitrary rules and the extreme danger of falling in love with them. And yet I'm also EXTREMELY here for it. So let's talk Emily Wilde's Map of the Otherlands.

THERE ARE SPOILERS BELOW THE BREAK. BE WARNED.

Emily and Wendell are on the same page about when it is appropriate to go absolutely feral, but they would NOT agree with that. Emily can shake off the otherlands, random faerie assassins, and absolutely godawful living conditions during fieldwork but cannot handle other humans. Wendell can shake off *actively dying from faerie poison* and entirely too credible accusations of academic misconduct, but literally cannot handle a lack of coffee.

So naturally Wendell is panicking every time Emily gets too near the otherlands without him and Emily is absolutely losing it every time Wendell ignores common sense and uses his magic which exacerbates the effects of the poison. Literally these two are falling over each other to try to protect each other. It's wonderful--I wouldn't change a thing.

I also want to just double down on academics being JUST as terrifying as fae, because in the first book Emily didn't HESITATE before chopping a finger off to break an enchantment and in this one she didn't think twice before dropping the same poison that is killing Wendell into his stepmother's cup. This woman is absolutely terrifying in her determination and her ability to do the thing she has decided is absolutely necessary. Like, Emily Wilde is a terrifying force of nature and a damn fine scholar and the level of personal and professional jealousy I feel over this fictional character knows no bounds.

So beyond Emily and Wendell being just AGGRESSIVELY in love with each other in the most academic way possible, this book is fun because we get some resolution to the mystery of Danielle De Gray's disappearance, which was heavily referenced in the footnotes of the last book, and is one of the great dryadologist mysteries. I absolutely adore the fact that Emily is so determined to find out what actually happened to this academic in whom she sees herself. It makes her success so much greater and it makes the "don't meet your heroes" disappointment so much funnier when the real Dani catastrophically crashes into the De Gray that Emily had constructed in her head. It's funny and heartbreaking and honestly the fact that Dani then sort of...adopts Emily as a researcher in her own vein is awesome. Academic respect and mentorship is...a weirdass combination of doing it yourself with imagined mentor figures and deeply flawed people who just wanted to learn everything about something niche and specific and are really cranky about being saddled with students.

Which brings me nicely to Farris Rose. Rose is...a stodgy old white man academic in every sense, and he starts by threatening to have both Emily and Wendell fired for academic misconduct and fabricating research. He ends up with one ear on backwards and offering to mentor Emily in her academic career. He is also like...the absolute chaotic evil scholar, because he is VERY cool about ethical lapses if they get him on the expedition of the century. And he is also VERY comfortable lecturing Emily on her personal life. Even after she is pretty clear that his commentary is not terribly welcome.

The number of academic friendships that begin in open conflict is astounding, and honestly the "bitter enemy on the basis of their scholarship to grudging allies to actual friends" pipeline is VERY fun to watch. It's a special hell to live, but watching it is delightful.

Emily also grudgingly gets a student in this book! And after all the crap she gave Wendell about how he treats his grad students in the last book, she could possibly have been less brusque and less ornery with her dang niece!!! Ariadne is literally a ray of sunshine though, and she and Wendell get along like a house on fire to the point where he makes her a scarf for protection in the field. She and Emily uh...have a bit of a journey in terms of getting on, because Emily prefers to be on her own, and she like...intellectually loves her niece, but it takes some time for her to respect Ariadne as a baby researcher who is enthusiastic and learning. Their journey to understanding each other is really sweet, and I enjoyed it. I also love that Uncle Wendell was Uncle Wendell for Ariadne long before Aunt Emily actually accepted his proposal. That was just adorable.

I also really appreciate the cliffhanger that this book left us on. Emily and Wendell are going back to the Silva Lupi, but they literally do not know what they'll find. The assumption is that Wendell's stepmother is dead, but like...we don't KNOW that, and I wouldn't be surprised if she found some crafty and utterly hellscape-y way to avoid a terrible death by faerie poison. Especially since Wendell himself has hammered home the "there are no absolutes in faerie stories" message. So I might actually die waiting for book 3, but when it comes out, I will 1000% be there to read it.

[lonewolflink]

TO-DO LIST

- keep asking about 2yeon

the fluffy blonde hair was. wooh boy. on one hand. little mushroom. on the other hand. hi hello hiiiii jeongyeon. fancy mv chaeyoung is SO. the fact that she pulled that outfit off amazes me daily. though i have to say i think black hair chae may be my favorite

michaeng, dahmo and 2yeon are some of the big ones, yeah! some people consider them outdated but they’re just haters. the sana…..ooooooooh im giggling i love her so so so much. heart pounding thinking abt chapter 3. if sana and jihyo interact then idk ill probably explode into a million pieces

the sketches are sketching so 🫡🫡 1-7 days depending on how busy school keeps me, probably.

also the planning documents r so funny. its very nice to see someone else be an insane planner bc i have like. room layouts and maps for my fics. i have personalities for characters who will never appear. i have the ikea furniture page open so i can make sure that the furniture im describing matches the realistic budget they would have. it never ends and that is why it takes me 5000 years to write anything, so i think its deeply impressive that you’ve got actual things happening!!! like wow!!!! the hyperfixation note is also so true, sometimes they really just. grab you by the throat and go “Now. The Thing. You Must.”

-wsc’s #1 fan (official title) hambbyong

(sidenote, i genuinely thought ddeongies and snowddeong were the same person for like. the entire time ive been in the itzy fandom. just now realized they weren’t. crazy.)

ok first of all i have to say thank you again for your chaeryeong wsc art i literally can't stop looking at it and i'm obsessed with it i love it sm

(do keep asking about 2yeon, i'll do it eventually. i've possibly even already committed to it emotionally...)

fluffy blonde jeongyeon bro i. god. we're not getting into chae bc i don't think i can handle it emotionally so we're just gonna end this topic with these photos

i think you will enjoy all the twice moments i have planned for wsc...every member is going to get some real screen time and pretty awesome moments on and off the ice :)

(one of my personal favorites is a small but awesome dahyun moment that comes during act 2, it's not like super plot heavy or anything but i love it so much because of how it marries something very particular to actual dahyun with something incredibly niche even within hockey that i personally love)

"i genuinely thought ddeongies and snowddeong were the same person for like. the entire time ive been in the itzy fandom" i love this so much and will leave it here for them to take joy in themselves ahahaha

[shortpplfedup]

Well that was fascinating and enlightening. I'm still not sold on the pacing of this thing, but the emotional throughline is solid and the characterisations are on point. The theme of this episode is 'escape', as Neung and Palm run away into a whole new emotional minefield. We also meet Palm's mother Mam, yet another woman who tells him to maybe try giving a shit about himself and also puts Neung to work, so I am inherently predisposed to like her despite her being a specific kind of nightmare fuel.

I really wanted to meet Palm's mother to put all the pieces together and now that we have...oy vey. She seems like a fun lady but ain't a mothering bone in this one's body. It may be for the best that Mam didn't raise Palm, but she feels bad enough about it to at least offer him shelter, even if she makes him work for it. Mam's benign self-centred neglect is a stark contrast to Thanya's devotion, and honestly makes me want even more for Palm to be cared for and looked after. At least Mam is appalled by Chanon's use of Palm in this way.

I have to say I'm impressed with Neung. Even totally out of his comfort zone, he manages to find a niche and make himself actually useful. I've never agreed with the takes that Neung is a spoiled brat; all his 'bratty' behaviour has been in reaction to Palm, in an attempt to navigate the now-clear-to-me monster crush he has on him. Neung is a skilled manipulator but Palm isn't really manipulable so to get his attention Neung does try stamping his feet a bit. Sometimes, Palm is annoyed, irritated, even angered by it. But sometimes, like this episode, he is endeared. When Neung calls him a fool again, in Mandarin this time, he can't help but give a small rueful smile.

Because Palm is quickly coming to terms with rather a lot of things this ep. It seems like he's decided that as long as they have to be on the island, away from all the rules and restrictions placed on him by Chanon, he's going to allow himself to enjoy just being with Neung. He flirts with him, he holds his hand, he teases him into hugging him on the motorbike, he takes him on a little date. He never exactly crosses the line, in fact when Neung asks why he kissed him on the roof, he...well...lies. Or rather, he doesn't tell the whole truth. He wanted to make Neung feel better, that much is true. But he lies when he says it didn't come from his feelings about Neung. And when Neung scolds him for it, telling him not to do it again because a kiss is supposed to be meaningful, the look on Palm's face makes it clear that it was absolutely meaningful for him. He's having the time of his life...

But he hasn't forgotten danger is lurking. He keeps telling Neung he's safe there, but that gun is constantly on him. He's trying to get Neung's mind off all the things he can't do anything about in Bangkok, but he brings up the spectre of Thanya himself. The way this episode isolates them completely by showing us nobody except them and Mam, you almost forget that they sped away from the scene of an attempted (?) hit! That they last saw their respective parents shot and bleeding and have no clue what happened and no way of finding out. They've both opted for distraction, and a little affaire de coeur is the best kind. Neung is a tad confused by Palm's new openness, and is trying hard not to read into it, but he can't help but be charmed.

Stray Bullets

Those loan sharks harassing Mam concern me. I don't think she'd sell her own son out to save her own ass, but I'm not sure she wouldn't.

All the cinematography in this episode is gorgeous. A big hand for the D.P. Rath Roongrueangtantisook.

The cowherd and the weaver girl get another mention. Once is notable, twice is foreshadowing.

Pond's body is CRAZY. Phuwin is no slouch, but Pond...chisos.

Neung declaring he wants to buy the beach so tourists can't ruin it...oh baby, you've not grasped certain things yet huh.

The way Neung was handling that gun made me nervous as hell.

I've noticed Jojo's use of English language music lately, first in The Warp Effect and now in this and it only strikes me because I don't usually get English language music in Thai dramas.

That scene where they change out of their uniforms stuck out like a sore thumb to me. Like...why is it there?

Seeing characters like a bus tout really make Thai dramas feel so homey to me. We're all more alike in the global south than you'd think.

Did Palm raise himself? Who the hell took care of this kid?

You can't tell me that Ai'Neung from Palm didn't thrill Neung down to his toes.

Palm curled up on the tiniest corner of the bed as far away from Neung as possible is so gay panic it's delicious.

Having Phuwin deliver that 'ben dan' pretty much straight to camera was a nice touch.

Looks like we'll be on the island for 3-4 eps, and I like giving them that time to breathe, but next week we check back in with the mess in Bangkok.

[poupeesdecirque]

Wolfscon 2023

Another little Travel Blog... well.. "travel".. it was a local con for once.

I just learned about the Con last monday and decided to attend it. It was held in a mall in one of the bigger cities in my area, completely for free.

Wolfscon - 30th September 2023

Weirdly enough the day started with me dressing up at home, I had time to do the make up and all as I wasn't even driving. I asked Mom to come with me as she loves to stroll around and well I just dislike to drive with wig/make up and therefore she helped out.

After a short driving time we arrived in Wolfsburg. The big thing was: there was a football game happening and Oktoberfest in the city and I was a bit anxious if things would clash. But gladly we exactly left as the match was over later on and the Oktoberfest was busy in the evening but still okay as we went a bit into the city. phew.

The main stage was placed in the basement of the mall, you had some different events happening there like an interview with voice actors, bands playing, a quiz, the cosplay contest etc.

Then you had two little artist/merchandise isles a level up with different vendors. There was regular merch from comic shops, Manga, but also artists with their own products, it varied a lot from anime/manga heavy to fantasy jewerly, to pins, cosplay props, art prints, cosplay prints and more.

Then you had some booths were you could take photos in front of backdrops and some artists advertising their work (like huge Transformer Costumes), there were some Marvel Hero Impersonators walking through the mall, you could get photos with them.

I think it was pretty nice and a good variety of different franchises for a wide audience. For me personally it was little to buy but my anime/manga interests are super niche therefore I don't take my interests as standard.

While Mom bought something for her step-niece I had a very lively talk with one of the artist who was at the Connichi as well about how the first one in Wiesbaden was and we agreed a lot need to be adjusted and she told me that she wasn't even aware of some points, but also told me that the Connichi Management is aware of some issues like the Matsuri being lovelessy arranged.

Another thing here is that she got told to not complain about the food options at the Matsuri because there was soup sold in the congress centre as well and .. uhm... as artist/vendor .. you weren't able to go into the city to eat and that's just a terrible way to deal with feedback. Please organize better food for the people working at your Convention, thank you.

Anyways she even offered me to help at her booth for the future as I have some expierence from the past but I had to decline. It was a super lovely exchange though.

We decided to leave the mall then to check out the Oktoberfest (we were getting hungry).

And they had a ferris wheel... those who know me is that I suffer from acrophobia, but to the extent that I get nauseous when it's really bad, everything starts to spin then but ... oof... it was tempting.

I decided to gather all my courage and go for a ride. I was nervous but was able to manage better than I thought, to my own surprise!

... and as I had no lunch prior we had to fetch some food. Allen without food is not Allen, right? Went for a crepe with kinder schokolade, my favorite combination.

After going through the vendors again I saw someone with a Starbucks cup and Starbucks is ... like I rarely went there (to be honest twice, and the first time was bc someone else wanted something) as we don't have one where I live. I decided I want to try the pumpkin spice latte.

As we left the mall I was actually recognized as Allen! That made me so happy. Thank you <3 I hope we get in touch, especially with the fact you have a Kanda Cosplay in store, it was really nice to meet you.

Back to the Latte... I had one but I decided it's the last I want. i went without cream because I wanted to know how it tastes like but as someone who doesn't like coffee.. well... I'm a bit sad they don't offer the Pumpkin CHAI Latte T_T I am sure I would have loved that one.

After a little shopping trip we went back to the mall and - not without our favorite snack: soft serve ice cream :'D

Gladly we left as the football match was over as the team won and everybody was just hyped about it and the city was getting super full!

I have to say it was a nice afternoon and truly fun to have a local con. I was pretty beat still, but this has different reasons like the fact I ... am now wearing glasses and it was the first day without them again and the city being super full and me eating really late (again ..) didn't help much.

It's still running today, if you are in the area I can tell you can pay it a visit, it's fun!

My little haul and the free entrance ribbon you were able to get.

Wolfsburg is kinda adorable with their Wolfs-Theme over and over.

[emmybeearts]

Day 28: Stars

We made it back to the ship today and I'm just… so tired. It feels like years have passed since I was last here but also like I only arrived yesterday. I just finished my meeting with Captain Orrellos; apparently I missed the pickup date by close to a month. In that time, they apparently tracked all of my beacons, all of which came to dead ends. Everyone assumed the worst and I think the captain was upset with me. I can't say I blame them. I was told to stay on the ship and tomorrow I'll be coming home. 

I know I don't have to do these logs anymore. I could be talking with Ara Lynn right now. I could be talking with Alivander or, Siobhán or, Jitra or anyone else who came on this mission and see how their experience went and hear about all the things they collected. I could be talking to anyone at the institute and see just how much I missed back at home. And yet, at the same time, I kind of just want to be alone and just try to process everything that happened to me on Atira.  

I also don't want to be preoccupied with an important conversation at the moment. As soon as we got inside, I put Lily in for restoration and repair. I had to carry them for the last leg of our journey since they didn’t have enough energy to move on their own anymore. The L1 subsidiary on this ship should be able to put them back as they were at the start of the mission. I'm still not sure what that really means, but I do know that I'm dropping everything I'm doing once those doors open to make sure they're okay. On the bright side, I did manage to sample one final animal on the way back. 

We arrived at the ship just past suns down. We could’ve made it earlier but carrying Lily seriously slowed me down. The ship was almost just as we left it but with a few noticeable differences. Since almost all of the plants on Atria are actually animals who fill the same niche, they move much faster than plants do on Earth. My Neptune Class research shuttle was almost completely covered in a fine blanket of gelatinous coenosarc and juvenile polyp buds. Not to mention multiple active and remnant nests from both flying and ground dwelling animals alike could be found within nearly every nook of the ship. 

Built within the ship's portico, what appeared to be another nest blocked my way to the door. Exhausted, I approached without much thought. The closer I got, however, a pale glow became more and more apparent. I couldn't make out a shape in the darkness, but I could see a steadily brightening yellow light shining through the pale blue branches of the nest. Regardless, I trudged forward, desperate for any semblance of home. 

At that moment, I must have gotten too close as, slowly and steadily, a dark head, haloed by a mane of yellow caruncles like stars in the void, rose and turned to stare in my direction. It was apparent that this animal was significantly larger than myself; nearly twice as tall depending on the length of its legs, and significantly more heavy. It looked slightly dazed as if I had just woken it up. I was half asleep at this point myself. Nevertheless, the animal refused to move. 

My feet seemed to move themselves forward on their own and it wasn’t long before I found myself at the edge of its bedding ground. I stared into its pale glowing eyes and it returned my gaze. For nearly my entire journey here on Atria, I upheld my respect for wildlife. I kept my distance whenever I could and interacted with these wild animals as little as possible; not only to keep myself safe, but to keep them safe too. But in that moment, I reached out and gently placed my hand onto the top of its head. 

It didn’t seem to protest. In fact, it felt as if it pressed its head into my hand harder. This was my first time interacting with a wild Atria animal in its natural habitat and the moment was magical. Thinking back, it was also incredibly dangerous. My exhaustion clouded my judgment and I acted according to impulse rather than thinking things through. At any moment, if the animal rejected me, the entirety of my arm was inches away from its large, crushing jaws. If this was any other animal or even a slightly different circumstance, my journey could've been cut short two steps from its end. Once again, I got extremely lucky. 

The moment didn’t last forever though. Holding Lily with one arm, they slowly began to slip from my grasp. With a final burst of energy, which I thought they had all already completely spent, they attempted to clamber back up into my arms. The resting animal got spooked by the sudden and jarring movements and pulled away from me. I took a step back as it stood to its full height. Still half-dazed, it pushed past me and sauntered off into the nearby wood. 

As I looked down, it became abundantly clear that this was not a nest for eggs. It was too small and provisional for the expected heavy use of an egg bed. This was nothing more than a place for it to sleep for the night. Judging from its long, powerful legs and specialized beak, this animal must walk incredibly long distances each day in search for its preferred food. Not to mention, there is no guarantee that it’ll have access to its specific food source on any given day. It's very possible that, like hummingbirds, this species rest in a state of torpor every night to ensure that it doesn’t waste any scrap of energy in its pursuit. That could also explain why its movements were so deliberate and slow as well as why it was so calm with my presents. 

I’ve never had the chance to experience something like that before, and I doubt I will ever again. They say that we remember events that happen first and last more clearly than anything that happens in between them. I'm glad that experience gets to be my last memory with an animal on this trip to Atria. As much as this planet is full of countless dangerous extremes, it's full of so many positive extremes too. Life and beauty and memories are pushed beyond anything I would have ever expected from this trip. Despite everything I'm so glad I…

Lily? Lily! You’re okay! You- you’re back! Do you remember anything? Do you remember me at all? 

[Indistinguishable].

Yes, I'm right here. I’ve been here the entire time. We made it Lily. We- we’re back on the ship. It’s almost over. We made it. 

[Indistinguishable].

Yeah, yeah we're going home. 

[End Transcription]

[crystalelemental]

Unit Teambuilding - Winter Jasmine

You all have no idea how excited I was for this.  Jasmine and Ampharos has been a long standing hope for me, and I had really wanted the winter alt with a cute outfit and oh my god did they nail it.

General Overview Not the Electric Terrain Support of our dreams.  So that’s no good.  But setting that disappointment aside, I’m...surprised this Jasmine isn’t gaining more attention.

She’s Supereffective Up Next!  With 3/5 adding in stacks of Physical or Special Moves Up Next!  She’s got paralysis guaranteed any time she takes damage for Gauntlet purposes, and because it’s on foe’s attack, it’s a guarantee Tornadus can’t be a shithead about it!  These are ridiculously good traits!  Add in that she’s a defenses and crit buffer with access to Double Potion MPR, and Jasmine’s...frankly nuts.  I love this kit.

Her flaws are noticeable, however.  The big one being, her trainer move is single-target.  +3 to both defenses isn’t terrible, but to a single target?  That’s really bad.  She supplements her own needs by getting +1 to both defenses each use of a trainer skill (+2 if mega evolved), so Jasmine does cap defenses over time.  But in an era of Aura Cynthia capping on turn 1, and access to now two BP units that give the whole team +2 defenses at once, it’s notably slow.  Static Cling 9 is a fantastic Gauntlet tool, but the energy required to get it is absurd.  In fact, Double Potion MPR comes with giving up more than the two SEUN effects.  If you want MPR on it, you have to give up Potion support.  I wouldn’t recommend giving up the moves up next effects, because that’s her entire niche over C!Red.  Speaking of whom!

Yes, inevitably competition between the two will arise, and I can promise, people will favor Red.  Not because he’s actually better, though there is an argument, singular, for it.  More because he’s Kantonian.  The thing Red does do better than Jasmine is fast-ramping.  His trainer move supplies -1 sync cooldown per use, meaning with an ally that provides -1, two uses of his trainer move gets early access to sync.  Buuuuut, I’d argue his flaws are way more severe.  Combining +2 crit with SEUN means Red is woefully lacking, effectively losing the ally a use of it, or potentially just whiffing on their needed crit because it can’t be capped.  Mini Potion All has been consistently reviled as a worse Potion, and he has far less refresh on it.  Rock Smash and Body Slam are nice utility, but Red’s slower than Jasmine and using twice as many gauges to make it work, and has worse paralysis potential.  So I do feel like this Jasmine is just stronger C!Red.  For the moment, anyway.  5/5 grids exist for Pokefairs, but there’s no indication of it for seasonals.  So the tides will turn, I’m sure.  But for now, I’m living for this.

Team 1: W!Jasmine, SS Red, Blaine While the man himself can now just double up with the update, we're going to ignore that and pretend it didn't happen.  SS Red has Supereffective Up Next access now!  That's exciting.  With what continues to be some of the best self-setup offensively, Red has no need for anything Jasmine does aside from her crit buffing.  Jasmine is also fairly optimal, thanks to buffed defenses, offsetting the drawback of his trainer move. Just add sun from Blaine, and you're good to go.

Team 2: W!Jasmine, Kris, Winona/May You know how Kris got like...a ridiculously good grid expansion that made her super self-sufficient and provides 250% bonus sync damage?  What if we also just threw super-effective up next onto that, alongside defenses?  What then?

Team 3: W!Jasmine, SST Red/Ash, Tech Farfetch'd/Tech Raticate Ugh, fine, here.  We all know why Jasmine doesn't buff offensive stats, and it's because of the rats.  They don't need help, and obviously everyone just wants to run them, right?  Bite me.  SST Red already solos the game, why are you even teambuilding with him?

Team 4: W!Jasmine, Hau/Eevee Kris, Volkner/Lucian Hey Aaron, look at me.  Bitch.  Supereffective Up Next with stacks of Special Moves Up Next means these two can fire off a lot of damage under Terrain. With Kris setting up her own terrain, you can bring Lucian for debuffing.  My 2/5 Eevee Kris does really respectable move damage, hitting something like 14k on Discharge without debuffs, so it's definitely workable.

Team 5: W!Jasmine, SS Hilda/Serena, Tech Ninetales You know what's better than SS Hilda?  SS Hilda with Supereffective Up Next and stacks of physical moves up next.  Imagine that 200BP V-Create being backed up by both of those effects and Sun.  I would also like to state that this raw increase in power very likely means that a unit like Serena can one-shot Cobalion, even outside of Sun, preventing the resistance boosting.

Team 6: W!Jasmine, Noland, SC Ingo/Nanu Anti-Azelf. Jasmine can be immune to defense debuffs, meaning she shuts down its nonsense.  Noland is capable of buffing all his needed stats to cap, making him an ideal partner to Jasmine.  SC Ingo can provide Bug Zone, while Nanu can provide debuffs and potential flinch thanks to Jasmine's supplied crit rate.

Team 7: W!Jasmine, Wikstrom/Lodge Rosa, Support Arbok/Masked Royal Another fun aspect of Jasmine is the combination with built-in Vigilance offensive units like Wikstrom and Lodge Rosa.  Her natural defense boosting is ideal for a Vigilance unit, with pop heals to spare in keeping them alive.  Support Arbok and Masked Royal are good picks, because of speed boosting to help facilitate gauges that otherwise become quite the problem.  Masked Royal is also good for debuffing defense for them, but I did want to note Arbok since Regirock, the inspiration for this, is immune to debuffs.

Final Thoughts Winter Jasmine is...fun.  I really like her a lot.  I initially undersold her quite a bit, but I'm coming around on this.  She has a lot of fun attributes, with some really devastating plays in her arsenal.  And her outfit is adorable.  I love her.

[ludocrow]

On AI art(and it’s doomed limitations)

Trying not to think too much about AI art as I’d rather use my space to post my actual handmade illustrations and those of others but one thing I can’t help but noticed. A lot of artists are panicking real hard about AI art and, with the like of Adobe now trying to implement it in photoshop, likely understandably so. But on the other end I feel a lot of the “push” and thus also even “talk” in favor of AI art is also.... very artificial in itself. There’s a huge push by techbros to try to make it “mainstream” but the truth is that outside of some niche of online people... it’s not picking up. It’s not something I ever see discussed in real-life, let alone in favor of. And a few people I’d talk about it IRL do see apalled by it or outright just thinking it... bad. Even like bad in quality. But it also bring me to the *limitations* of AI art. Unless somehow the creation of a true *thinking* AI ever happens... it’s never gonna be able to create. Because AI art, as it is and likely will be forever(i.e.: bar an actual “sentient/thinking” AI which is not happening this century nor even the next IMO), is nothing more than a glorified high quality collage. It can only “create” by ultimately collaging and smudging together pre-existing pieces actually created by others. It can probably not even make anything like even a most basic of anatomy sketch. And in fact even if it tried, seeing so much the “construction lines” of an illustrations would further likely only highlights it’s limitations and failling again due to the way AI art try to construct an image. And again, because it’s not an actual thinking being even able to really recall what someone trying to create using it might be truly looking for beyond stuff listed in tags categories, lies it’s other biggest flaw: Consistency. AI art cannot, and likely won’t ever be able anytime soon, create something as “simple” as a refsheet featuring even just a single same character seen from different angles. Because it cannot even recognize how to make re: that two pictures it generates are meant to be the same characters and thus should feature the same clothes/hairstyle/etc but seen from different angles. And, as far as I know, no “clever keywords” or “properly tagged categories to draw from” are ever change that. And if it can’t even manage that, I cannot see it ever creating something as complex and intricate than even the most basic of comic. This is not to say there’s nothing to worry, I suspect a lot will try to turn to AI art in concept art field and for some singular illustrations that I can imagine some marketing firms salivating at the thought they might not require artists anymore etc for posters/graphic design stuff/etc but ultimately AI art is, and likely will ever be short of re: developping an actual *thinking* AI who can create from scratch someday(something that again I don’t see happening even in this century, especially seeing how computer science seem to be plateauing these days in truth), too limited to create anything “functional” where it might matters. Even at it’s “best” it still likely will require an artist to “clean up” after it. And re: not even getting how it can’t even draw/paint the same character twice let alone from a different angle(and likely won’t be able to for the longest time... if ever, due to how the actual tech seem to function). And that’s ontop of all the people(especially anybody who is remotely less “online” than others) who might not even know AI art exists and thus actually still go for artists because they know artists exists in the first place. Which re: makes me wonder how much this thing’s spread is being astroturfed VS being actually adopted by a wider public.

[prince-honeypaw]

Heyhey!! May I request a regressed Shinsou with Aoyama as a big brother? They're my two favorite characters and I want to see how they get along (:

Have a wonderful day/night!!

♡ Of course! I haven't had the opportunity to do a caregiver Aoyama before so this was a fun experience! (And I certainly enjoyed working on the panel edit for him too >w>) It was rather difficult and I didn't get a lot of what I wanted in here, so there may be another post for these two in the future! :3 ♡ So I hope you enjoy this!

♡ Yuuga was a lonely child growing up. Stuck between a quirk that simply did not seem to fit his body and frequently moving with his parents, it was difficult to make friends. He longed for a younger sibling to fill this niche, but–for some reason–the mere mention of more children made his parents oddly antsy.

♡ So, he figured that this meant he was just... Supposed to be alone. As though the universe said this was how things were meant to be.

♡ On the other side of the coin, Hitoshi was also a rather lonely boy, though for different reasons. Being a foster child, he was usually passed from family to family, home to home, and city to city. This made it hard to make friends on top of his horribly stigmatized quirk, and whatever friends he did make would inevitably have to be left behind for another new home.

♡ It made him want to stop trying.

♡ When entering UA, it took quite some time before Aoyama and Shinsou actually had a conversation! Sure, they had "met" (see the events of the cavalry battle), but they hadn't really connected until Shinsou replaced one of the students in the hero course.

♡ Even then, it took the meddlesome help of a freckle-faced young man to build a connection between the two.

♡ On one of their socially awkward friendship building outings, Hitoshi had slipped into headspace without the rest of the group noticing.

♡ Everyone except for Yuuga. The boy has a tendency to mind himself and observe others, so it made sense that he saw Shinsou's shoulders slump more than usual. Saw his stride turn to a lackluster shuffle to the back of the pack... Right next to Aoyama.

♡ Hitoshi's regression isn't much of a secret at this point–what with the students all living under the same roof–but it's still unfamiliar to Yuuga. Someone else would usually come along and handle Hitoshi when he got to this point, so, surely the same could apply here?

♡ Despite knowing this... Despite knowing someone else, someone better, would eventually help him, Yuuga can't just stand there and watch him squirm. The lights, sounds, and scents of the mall didn't bother him, so Yuuga unhooked his bedazzled sunglasses from his ruffled shirt collar in a wonderful flourish and held them out to Hitoshi with a covert, "Here, mon ami, you look absolutely miserable! No need to thank me~☆"

♡ It was a bit startling to have the shiny accessory thrust upon him, but Shinsou was... Rather grateful. He gave a silent nod and slid the shades on without fuss.

♡ He looked very silly, but function over fashion! They functioned so well that he didn't even take them off when returning to the dorms. Izuku would take note of this! He's been on the receiving end of those glasses once or twice as well, and tentatively asks if he plans on returning them.

♡ Still being less than a year old, Hitoshi bundles deeper into his blanket and shakes his head. He's not ready to give them up just yet, and Aoyama hasn't asked for them yet, so mleh!

♡ No one can quite explain what happened afterwards. Maybe the simple act of kindness on Yuuga's part left an impression on Hitoshi. Maybe the fact that Hitoshi didn't turn down that kindness stuck with Yuuga. Or, maybe, they were two lonely boys that saw themselves in each other.

♡ Who can say?

♡ All class 1A knows is that the two became very close after that! Hitoshi gets almost hyper aware of where Yuuga is in groups and will make a point to join him, holding his sleeve like it's as natural as breathing.

♡ Hitoshi's bedhead also starts to develop more of a healthy sheen to it from the hair care routine Yuuga applies to it! Of course, it's still fluffy and alert, but now people can run their fingers through it without the risk of hitting any snags.

♡ Overall, Hitoshi looks less exhausted and more pampered with Yuuga keeping an eye on him! From clipped and painted nails to softer skin, Yuuga is giving the poor dear the love and attention he so rightfully deserves!

♡ The arrangement isn't onesided, though it may seem that Shinsou is getting the lion's share of affection, the mere act of being wanted is enough for Aoyama alone. But, the little trinkets, the quality time, being actively included in things...

♡ No matter how many times he's woken up in the dead of night to heartbreaking sniffles and hiccups.

♡ No matter how many times he has to brush away tears with the silk kerchief his maman gave him.

♡ No matter how many times he has to tuck an unruly head of hair under his chin and soothe, "You're fine now, mon cœur, do not cry. You are not alone."

♡ It is, and always will be, worth it.

♡ Because neither of them have to be alone anymore.

[sazandorable]

About moderating and banning content on AO3!

Okay so! I haven’t had the spoons to do this for a while but I cracked and ranted about it on twitter which is... not... conducive to long rants, so!

This is a h u g e discussion part of the l o n g history that led to the creation of AO3, which older, more informed, and more articulate people have talked about at length and can be found around if you look (I reblog some of it in my AO3 and fandom history tags for the curious). So I won’t go into that here, nor into the practical reasons why it’s not even possible to put that system in place anyway.

Arbitrarily, or the purpose of this post, because it’s the biggest topic I’ve seen brought up lately, I’ll be talking about fic depicting underage characters in se*ual situations, but honestly I could hold the exact same conversation on literally any controversial content.

This is about why you, specifically, if you are a content creator and especially if you are marginalised and especially if you are queer and especially especially if you are sensitive to fiction depicting certain things... do not, actually, want a banning system on AO3.

What? Of course we do. There’s a lot of p*do shit on AO3 and p*do shit is gross. No one should condone that, wtf? It would be easy to do — just periodically delete the entire Underage tag!

What will happen if that is done is that people will re-upload and continue to write it, they’ll just stop tagging and you will run into it with zero warning nor ability to filter it out. Again, this is not a theoretical — we know this is what happens. When I was a teen, adult content (all adult content) was not allowed on FF.NET; it was everywhere regardless, and without tags. The exact same thing happened on tumblr when adult content was banned as well. It’s not a matter of “staff not handling it well” — it just doesn’t work.

To keep safe the people who need to be able to exclude that tag, that tag needs to exist and be used.

Well, shucks. A reporting system then?

A reporting system would operate in one of two ways:

-an algorithm, which would delete a lot of stuff we wouldn’t want it to delete.

-humans, which is... the bigger problem.

An algorithm sounds great. We do want it to delete everything.

Okay. What about the daddy k*nk fics between consenting adult characters? What about the fics featuring characters that are children in the canon but are adults in the fic? What about the fics about teenagers exploring their se*uality together, written by adults about the experiences they remember having or wish they could have had? What about the thousands of SasuNaru and Drarry and other shounen and YA fics that will get written, by teens or by people who remember being teens? What about the se*ually explicit fic written by teens who are se*ually active in real life? What about the fics about CSA as trauma, about healing from it? What about the fics written by survivors of CSA to cope about their trauma? What about the fics that clearly show that it’s evil and traumatic? What about the super dark, harrowing, but beautiful and artistic that I’m glad I read even though it fucked me up for days? What about the ones that were really shitty but also horribly hot?

Well, some of these are still not okay, but maybe some might be. It depends on how it’s written. We’ll have humans moderating content and deciding, then.

Okay.

The thing is, I don’t know which of the things I just listed were okay for you to be depicted in fiction and which were too much. Odds are I don’t agree with you. Odds are if I asked 10 people randomly picked off the street, not everyone would agree.

Odds are, even if AO3 arbitrarily decided on which of those are allowed and which are not, you would not agree with their choice, and you would still be unhappy with the decision. (Or you would be happy, but your friends wouldn’t.)

Odds are, different AO3 content moderators might not agree on whether a given fic qualifies or not — is it artistic enough? Does it show enough that these actions are evil and wrong? Can the author prove they’re a teenager? Can the author prove they are a CSA victim? Can the author prove that this is to help them cope with their trauma? The author seem to be functioning alright, they mustn’t really be traumatised!

You know what I mean! There’s absolute, objectively gross shit out there that is not artistic and should not be published.

I agree that there’s vile stuff out there that makes me sick and that I think is very clearly just ped*philic trash. But there is no way to, 1) stop those from getting published anyway, 2) take those down and preserve the safety of everything else.

If we start forbidding some things, there’s two ways to go about it.

One single, clear, arbitrary rule — for instance, absolutely no adult content featuring characters under 18 (leaving aside the fact that this would not even work for the reason cited above). So we lose all the stuff from teenagers, all the coming of age stories about adolescence, all the stuff from CSA survivors; people who need to write it can’t publish it anymore, and people who need to read it can’t anymore either (and as a cool bonus, they’re told it’s wrong and made to feel bad about it). Depending on whether the rules applies to characters that are under 18 in the canon, we lose entire fandoms.

Or, subjective moderation by humans, according to what they estimate to be gross.

Let’s assume all moderators can agree on what’s gross or not.

If there is a system in place to ban some underage works because “gross shit”, then that means other gross stuff can be taken down on account of being gross and harmful.

Yeah! Gross stuff should be taken down! Come on, surely everyone agrees on what’s gross and harmful.

Ah.

But the problem is.

Here is a list of things I have seen — with my eyes seen — called harmful to be depicted in fiction:

Murder

Non-con

Inc*st

Cannibalism

Torture

Self-harm

Mental illness

Drugs

Racism

K*nk

Non-negotiated k*nk, but healthy k*nk is ok

Spanking k*nk

BDSM where the woman is a bottom, but woman top is ok

Healthy depictions of BDSM

Unhealthy depictions of BDSM

Queer people doing bad things

Abusive relationships

Rival/Enemies to lovers

Redemption stories

A happy relationship between a 17 yo and an 18 yo

A happy relationship between a 20 yo and a 60 yo

A happy relationship between a boss and their employee, or a college teacher and a student

A happy relationship between a 14 yo boy and an older teenage boy, because that’s reminiscent of older men preying on younger gay boys IRL

Se*ual content featuring a character whose age is unclear in canon and some people headcanon them as being underage, some as being a young adult

Loving, consensual fluff between characters that are evil villains, because it romanticises them and their actions

Dark content shipping female characters

Fluffy content shipping female characters, because it’s misogynistic to act like lesbians are only soft all the time

Consensual s*x featuring a canonically asexual character, because it implies that all aces can and should still have se*

Fics about the same canonically asexual character hating s*x, because that erases the experience of s*x-positive aces

Shipping a character who is perceived by some fans as queer-coded with a character of a different s*x

The tendency to ship a black character with white characters

Fluffy drunk s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Sleep s*x, because that’s not actually consensual

Trans characters not experiencing dysphoria, because that idealises the trans experience

Consensual s*x between adults that are not married

LGBT+ content, because kids shouldn’t see that.

I guarantee you: you, I, and 10 random people plucked from the street will not agree on what, in that list, is and isn’t okay to publish and consume fiction of.

So why should your taste be the one followed? Why should it be the taste of mods you don’t know? Why should anyone get to dictate? What if the mods think your OTP is gross and your NOTP is fine?

This is the slippery slope argument.

Yes, it is the slippery slope argument. Because we know it happens. Because we’ve been there, because I’ve seen it happen myself twice already and I’m not even thirty. Because we know people do complain loudly about all of these things.

And because the second there is a banning system in place, assholes will use the system to abuse it and get stuff they just don’t like taken down using the “it is gross” argument, and one day you’ll wake up and the beautiful fic that helped you come to terms with your abuse/trauma/identity/orientation/k*nk for feet will be taken down and wonderful vulnerable creative people will have been harassed out of fandom because they argued with 1 person who didn’t like their foot k*nk fic that happened to also feature, for instance, a CSA trauma backstory.

Again: not exaggerating. Not theoretical. It happens, we know it happens, AO3 was created literally because it happens.

I still fucking hate that stuff.

That is completely fine and normal. No one likes everything. Me too! Most of the dark stuff is niche and the creators know only few people will like it the same way they do.

(For the record, I get grossed out and triggered by fics about an asexual character who does not like s*x having s*x with their partner to make them happy. Deep in my gut everything screams that that’s fucked up, terrifying and harmful, how can people write that. But I recognise that there are people who love and need that, and I leave those people and their content alone.

OTOH, I read a lot of otherwise dark shit and I enjoy it in the same way I enjoyed, say, Hannibal, in the same way some people enjoy true crime documentaries, horror movies or r*pe fantasy k*nk. It helps me explore stuff that I like to see in fiction, in a safe, controlled way. I’m also asexual, 90% s*x-repulsed IRL, and, obviously, I would never abuse a child. For that matter, I wouldn’t kill and eat people, either, nor would I do 90% of the tamer k*nky stuff I read.

Of course, Hannibal was fucked up and lots of people probably think Hannibal was gross and should not have been aired — but as exemplified by the fact that it was created, aired and watched, lots of people thought it was fine, interesting and even fun to watch.)

You can and should curate your experience and protect yourself. The AO3 website now allows you to exclude certain tags, and people have developed tools to help with that such as plugins that save your filters or hide fics that contain certain words.

But no, it isn’t going to, and it shouldn’t, get banned.

[krawkpaladin]

Actually making this post reminded me of how 5E has a weird relationship between the few procedures it has and how it treats players that want to engage with said systems. Yes this is going to be Rangerposting.

I'm just continuously baffled by the fact that playing a Ranger effectively opts you out of most of the overworld travel procedures, when the flavor and narrative niche of the Ranger seems to imply that you actually want to interact with that system on a deeper level. Natural Explorer literally makes it so that you can't get lost (except by magical means) and move at a normal pace even in difficult terrain, so long as it is your chosen terrain type. This isn't even getting into the fact that checks to get lost are solely at the GM's discretion (and I checked the DMG on this), and doesn't even describe what happens when you get lost aside from the obvious you don't move closer towards your goal. So instead of interacting with the map in New and Interesting Ways, Rangers instead basically opt out of the system entirely and turn the terrain into bonus road hexes. About the only cool thing you get is that your tracking is slightly better in that you know the exact number of creatures and the direction they were traveling in. You also forage twice as hard, but Goodberry exists at level 1 and is a Ranger spell to boot, so unless you really track spell components foraging is also pointless as a Ranger.

I don't know, if I was to rewrite the Natural Explorer rules, I'd start by creating an actual exploration system for it to interact with. Define how to determine when the party gets lost, how that actually affects their movement, how to find hidden features like caves and nests inside a hex, how monsters and NPCs move on the map, that sort of thing. Like, it would be rad as hell if as a Ranger I could instead identify if we're in a monster's territory and go "We can't stop here, this is gryphon country," but as it stands right now, playing a Ranger is more like going "I don't actually want to engage with exploration and just want it all handed to me," which I guess is fine if that's what you want, but that's not how most folks want to interact with the Ranger fantasy.

D&D 5e has some neat little things prewritten into the mechanics that don't see a lot of use. There's a bunch of discrete choices related to your travel pace. You can go at the normal pace, forgoing stealth for the sake of speed, or move quickly and not only forgo stealth but also take a penalty to your passive perception, or you can move at a slow pace which allows you to utilize stealth, and due to the group stealth rules your group isn't horribly penalized for a couple of less stealthy characters

These are great mechanics! They give the group a bunch of small, pre-determined choices to make, each with their own benefits and drawbacks. Have I actually ever seen anyone use them? No.

[rpmemesbyarat]

To begin with, I’d like to say if you want to write your character a certain way, do it. There’s no one way to write well, and no one thing that makes a character “well written” or not. This is just an opinion meant to help, take or leave it if you see fit. That said, one thing about an OC that can put off readers (in fic) or potential partners (in RP) is if something prominent about the OC seems copied from something prominent about one or more of the canon characters, especially if that thing was especially special, rare, traumatic, etc. Examples: - A Harry Potter OC whose parents were also murdered by Voldemort, leaving them with an unusual scar and unwanted fame because Voldemort failed to kill them - An Avengers OC who was kidnapped and brainwashed by HYDRA into becoming their incredibly deadly assassins/supersoldier. Bonus if they were US soldier and/or this happened in WW2 and they’ve not aged since and/or they were a former friend or loved one of an Avengers canon. - A Steven Universe OC who is the child of a rebel Gem and a human and grew up on Earth aware of Gems  The reason that this is off-putting to readers and partners is that it makes them feel there is a lack of creativity here. This may or may not be the case; your OC may be incredibly creative in other regards. But when people notice that your character has a big part of them copied from another character, especially when that part is such a defining part of the canon, they’re only going to see a copycat, and feel that the writer is not original. This will turn many of them off, fairly or not, from reading your fic or RPing with you. There’s also the fact that in a story, each character fills a niche or role; if an original character is created that fills a role that has already been filled in canon, it feels superfluous and strange. This is also a reason many readers may not want to read about your OC; if a canon is already filling the same role, why not just read stories about that canon, or watch the movie/read the book/etc again? Some people will make their OC extremely similar to a canon for shipping purposes, believing the shared traits will make them a better couple and come together easier. This is a gamble at best. Shared experiences can absolutely be a basis for bonding, and someone who understands your trauma in particular is very validating for many people. But a relationship based purely on shared trauma is not healthy or sustainable. More than that, many readers will, again, be turned off by it, finding it lazy and even offensive to duplicate trauma for the sake of shipping. If you want to write your OC as having trauma that gives them common ground with a canon, that’s a-okay. But there’s a better way to do than just coping the event, and a way that feels much more realistic and organic. That is to look at WHY the event was traumatic, and make a different event that was traumatic for similar reasons. For instance, Bucky Barnes’ specific situation was unique, but the loss of agency and autonomy involved can be found in many other situations that another person could go through. Your character doesn’t need to have been turned into a living weapon by supervillains to have experienced being treated as an object instead of a person against their will.  This can also work for non-traumatic events too. Just look what the underlying components of the events are, and put them in a different situation. It allows the characters to be relatable to one another without it feeling contrived.  People don’t need to have gone through the exact same things down to the letter to find commonality and relatability. And readers will find it far more believable! Note that this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t let your character have ANY of the same traits or backstory of a canon character. Just very specific, defining traits that are canonically unique to that character, especially in combination. For instance, Hermione Granger being a Muggleborn who defies expectations is not unique to her, and your character can easily have that in common with her while being a unique character and not seen as a rip-off. Being a half-Gem half-human like Steven Universe is unique in canon, but an OC could still be that and not seem like a copycat if done well; and after all, it’s possible it could have happened twice. But if they’re the same age as Steven, and also grew up on Earth, while also being aware of Gems, perhaps having their own rebel Gem surrogate family, and their mother having been someone important in Gem terms, and so on. . . that’s where readers are probably going to lose interest and call bullshit.  Again, do what you think works best for your OC. If you really want to have your OC be a certain way, that’s totally up to you at the end of the day. No one can make rules about how they have to be, including me. But people can decide what they like and don’t like, so if you’re looking for more writers and/or RP partners, considering what may be more off-putting or enticing is helpful. But remember, write for yourself first!

[ushidoux]

Not Enough - Oikawa (Haikyuu) x Reader x Gojo (JJK)

Summary: Your relationship with Oikawa feels more like a curse than anything else as it comes to a close. (~4.2k words) or tl;dr gojo is mr. steal your girl

Warnings: breakup, idk Gojo is a warning, cracky angst?, pegging mention, yandere themes

A/N: Ngl I’m patting myself on the back for making a crossover fic work somewhat LOLLLL, you can roll your eyes if you want this is hella melodramatic.

(if you wanna commission more niche things, you can always dm me <3)

---

“I-I think it’s best for us to end things here, Tooru...”

Oikawa’s fingers tightened around the cell phone in his hand at the sound of your shakily delivered proposition, and further at the abrupt pregnant pause thereafter - not because he was angry, nor afraid, but out of an all-encompassing confusion.

Two things were wrong with this situation. First of all, it was late enough for you, thousands of miles away, that he was genuinely surprised that you were still awake in the first place and the fact that your voice was thick with tears was particularly upsetting, implying that you’d been up all night before you decided to call. Second, you had to be feeling unwell because you were talking pure nonsense.

He must have not heard correctly. You wanted to ‘end things’?

End what? You and him? That couldn’t possibly happen.

Moments passed, maybe even a full minute, and Oikawa stood perfectly still in spite of the uncomfortable combination of a weightless sensation in his legs and a feverish pounding in his chest as he tried to let himself understand what you were saying. Suddenly lightheaded, he realized he had been holding his breath while you remained quiet on the other end of the line. Maybe he was hoping for you to fill the silence, but he knew you wouldn’t offer anything additional; he could tell from the single soft sniffle that betrayed your sadness.

He sucked air into his lungs.

“I... don’t know what you mean,” Oikawa replied, his voice steady even if his body wasn’t.

You continued.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore. It’s really hard… and I get so lonely, and I know it’s wrong, but sometimes it hurts to see you so happy without me…”

Your voice was smaller still, enough that he strained to hear you past the rush of blood past his temples. For a moment, he considered pretending he couldn’t hear you say such unpleasant things just so that he wouldn’t have to deal with the reality unfolding in front of him in this disdainfully sunny early afternoon, while he stood in the middle of the hallway right outside of his high rise apartment.

The fact that you had finally given up on him after all this time.

In a small way, Oikawa couldn’t blame you. While he had been gone chasing his dream, the emerging star had just as quickly been running further away from you day by day. He knew this was mostly his fault: he called you less frequently and whenever you did talk, the conversations were shorter and less substantial until you and he both felt like your interactions were a simple chore, a checkbox on his never-ending to-do list.

But yet, he could and would absolutely blame you. Long distance was hard but you had promised you’d stay by his side, hadn’t you? You’d promised him, rain or shine, through drought and storm. What could possibly be the issue now?

Even if you hurt, it would only be temporary, and he could always make up for it in full or even twice-fold. In fact, he was on his way to come see you in person this very second; it would just be mere hours before his flight would depart. Coming suddenly on holiday like this was meant to be a surprise, and his suitcase beside him was filled with gifts and souvenirs for you that would, at least partially, assuage your hurt.

At least he thought. Maybe the issue stemmed deeper, starting with the very fact that you weren’t such a fan of gifts - what you really craved was loyalty and quality time - and that too, he had chosen to ignore. Because it was easier to love you the way he wanted to love you, rather than the way you wanted to be loved.

You were often indecisive anyway. Did you ever truly know what you wanted?

“___, stop being silly. I love you -”, he paused at this last declaration for emphasis, gauging your reaction, of which you gave him none, then continued, “-and I’m coming to see you before the sun sets tomorrow,” he insisted, a stern edge in his voice to further supplant the denial that was keeping him able to breathe. Strength returning to his limbs, he resumed his path to the elevators, dragging his belongings behind him.

You were silly. You missed him and you were delirious from loneliness and sleep, and that’s why ridiculous things were coming out of your mouth, that’s all it had to be, he figured. End things? What you had was something precious and irreplaceable. Nothing could be better than what you were together.

It would be you and him for life, at least to him.

Unfortunately for you, that ideal had long since perished.

Any other time, you would have paused, your breath hitching in your throat, your heart pounding as you conjured up the image of your Tooru coming to be in your arms once more, to cross the vast distance and be yours again as it should be. He’d be quick to show you that he chose you over crowded gyms full of adoring spectators, a perfect set, the rush of victory, or a pretty Instagram model.

Any other time before, but time had run out with both you and him unsuspecting, in a flash of clear blue eyes.

---

A few months earlier...

“I’m not interested.”

Your voice was flat and so was your expression. Muttering a soft ‘excuse me’, you walked past the tall young man who had taken the fact that he’d helped you reach an item on the highest shelf (despite the fact that you were still somewhat tall, you still had struggled), as an invitation to follow you around the grocery store.

The stranger had started off indiscreetly at first, and you had to admit, when you’d passed him in the aisle, you had given him a double-take, and it wasn’t just because you were wondering how he could see the food before him with a black blindfold wrapped over his eyes, so you hadn’t thought too much of it. He was admittedly handsome - at least the lower part of his face was - and his relaxed voice and posture as he reached over and handed you your box of cereal reminded you just a smidge of your Tooru.

Your Tooru wouldn’t be caught in that nondescript dark ensemble, though.

Saying “thanks” and continuing on your merry way should have been enough. But instead, this same man had immediately started walking besides you as you pushed your cart as though he knew you, making comments about your groceries.

“I’m not particularly fond of eggs, but they’re a good source of protein.”

“You seem to have a sweet tooth, just like me!”

You probably should have been concerned about this man’s mental state, but he didn’t exactly seem harmful or delusional, just weird. But you were almost done with your shopping trip, and now he was in line with you with a single bag of chips in his hand, and it occurred to you for a while that this stranger might try to follow you home.

“Do you need something, sir?” You told him in exasperation.

He furrowed his eyebrows in mild confusion, still a smidge too close behind you and raised his bag of chips. “No, I’m fine.”

“Why are you following me?” You finally said, bolder than usual in this semi-crowded grocery store. You had had enough of being polite and you’d tried very hard so far. Today had been a long day and you just wanted to cook a meal and sleep, not argue with strangers.

“Oh, I was trying to be friendly,” he replied, shrugging, as though that were normal behavior, and thus here you were, switching lanes abruptly while making it clear to him that he needed to leave you the fuck alone.

Checking out of the store with your items occurred without incident but you had to admit you were both irritated and confused about that encounter, and again, while you didn’t exactly feel malicious intent or really any sort of ‘creepiness’ from the young man, the behavior was nevertheless alarming. You surreptitiously glanced over your shoulder just to make sure he wasn’t still in sight, only to catch him walking in the other direction, whistling again with the single bag of chips in his hand, now paid for.

Again stunned, you found yourself lost in a stare for a moment, a million questions in your head.

What was he trying to accomplish? And most importantly, how could he see with that blindfold?

What did he look like without it?

Quickly realizing your questions were getting absurd, you decided that whether he was attractive or not was a completely inconsequential thought, because the fact of the matter was that he had to be clinically insane. Absolutely.

With that thought in mind, you texted a friend briefly sparing the least salient details.

Call me in about thirty minutes if I don’t call you first. I’ll fill you in later.

Just for safety’s sake, but thankfully, you didn’t think you’d ever seen him again.

You may have brought up your odd encounter to Tooru that night, if he had managed to return your call.

---

“Go to sleep, I’ll talk to you when I land tomorrow. I love you, ____.”

Before you could protest, the line cut off abruptly and you lowered your phone to your lap. Now it was no longer just your voice wavering, but your entire body trembling as you sat over the side of your bed. You lurched forward, the pit of your stomach heavy with guilt.

Your Tooru was coming to see you and for once, he was the last person you wanted to see.

---

You had left your home a little later than usual but given that you would rather die than miss your morning coffee and croissant, you still stopped by your neighborhood bakery.

Noting that the line was a little longer than expected, you queued up, humming softly to the beats of your favorite song, not registering that the man standing before you had turned slowly in your direction and was now smiling down at you.

“Fancy seeing you here again.”

Your eyes furrowed as you looked up, then almost yelped in surprise when your eyes registered the same white-haired stranger who had stunned you at the supermarket lined up just two paces before you.

What the-

Of all the coffee shops in this city, why here? The hairs on your neck stood up on end, worse when he decided to keep speaking.

“Let me buy your coffee,” he proposed, tentatively. “Only condition is that you have to drink it with me.”

Today, the strangest of strangers almost looked normal; rather than a blindfold, his eyes were hidden by a dark pair of sunglasses and his hair had been allowed to fall into a slightly windswept cut. He was also dressed less eclectically, in a loose-necked long sleeved shirt and a pair of fitted dark jeans.

Like this, you could call him fashionable. He was definitely forward, at the very least.

He was obviously flirting and normally you would have a curt prepared answer for him, but the manner in which he leaned forward, smirking with hands on his hips, again felt too familiar. Like Tooru, who had forgotten to call you back and instead sent you a quick text that promised he’d get back to you.

If he remembered.

Before you knew it, and almost embarrassed as soon as it left your mouth, you blurted out, “I… have to go to work.”

It wasn’t a lie but for some reason it came out like one. Perhaps because what you would have normally said was, “I have a boyfriend,” without giving him a second look.

He frowned nevertheless.

“That’s too bad,” he finally said, letting out a loud sigh, excessively dramatic for the situation. You stared at him, dumbfounded, and he suddenly clasped his hands together, preparing to say something else but the barista had called for the next customer.

He made a motion for you to go before him, and flustered, you obliged, giving the barista a look that implored for help in any way he could offer it. The barista knew you well enough to ring up your order before you even asked for it, but not well enough to sense that the man behind you was actively harassing you.

“I can buy my own coffee, sir,” you murmured once you saw him rummage in his pockets and pull out his wallet while the barista went off to toast your pastry.

He grinned widely.

“Call me Satoru.”

---

“A drink for you, sir?”

The flight attendant’s voice betrayed a hint of irritation under her sweet tone of voice, hinting that she had been waiting for him to answer a while, and Oikawa realized that he had been staring at his phone for a lot longer than he expected. He flashed her his classic pearly whites before nodding, but the wheels in his head were still turning.

A mere couple of hours into the first leg of his flight back to Japan, he had taken to poring over his last few conversations with you.

Conversations that, at least from his end, had become pressured, short, and at times, he had been downright dismissive.

But he loved you - you had to understand that! It was a lot to manage:  being available for you but also giving 150% of himself to the game.

So what if he missed your calls but kept his Instagram up-to-date? So what if he was a little bit too cozy with his fans (and known to be so)?

There was always you, and you were supreme. He’d do anything for you.

“Wine?” The attendant offered him the higher octave in her voice making it clear that Oikawa had managed to charm her back into her retail persona.

Maybe a glass, but he’d limit his drinking. He wouldn’t want to disappoint you when you met.

---

You were shocked.

Satoru stopped a car that was meant to crush you, and you were still trying desperately to comprehend what had just transpired.

You were possibly too eager to escape that coffee shop, to get away from the young man whose presence both unsettled your stomach and made your face grown warm, that you’d hurried out into the crosswalk, somewhat complicated drink and slightly crisped pastry in hand, and right into the path of a car hurtling through a red light.

You didn’t have time to scream or rarely even time to drop your drink, but the impact of your carelessness and preoccupation, between him, being late to work, wondering why the fuck your boyfriend had yet again forgotten to text back, never came.

Instead, the car seemed to halt to a stop almost immediately before you, before him who now stood before you with lips held into a neutral expression, and one hand in his pocket. Even if time seemed to stop for a split second, the force that should have struck your body didn’t, instead hurtling around you in a terrifying gust of wind.

But you were safe.

There was a shatter of glass windows as energy redistributed and the car took the brunt of the shock, and airbags deployed, engulfing the driver who could have possibly ended your life.

When Satoru finally turned to you slowly, looking at your cowering form, you finally caught a glimpse of piercing blue. For once he wasn’t smiling, and he was suddenly much more terrifying than anything else.

As though the mask had come off.

He didn’t ask if you were okay. Instead, he asked you to control your grief.

---

You shouldn’t be able to love anyone so much that your heart breaks repeatedly.

Something about you had to be pathological - it couldn’t be normal to feel the pain of separation this acutely. It was just a long-distance relationship, even if he was just getting more famous and less available by the day.

You shouldn’t wake up wondering if you could still breathe without him.

You shouldn’t.

---

“I’m a sorcerer,” Gojo revealed as he stirred a warm caramel latte, as though he had said the most natural thing in the world.

You tilted your head over so slightly, knit eyebrows betraying your confusion.

“... Like a circus performer?”

The repetitive turn of his wrist halted almost immediately and he looked at you, the constant smug smirk immediately awash from his features.

“Do I look like I belong in the circus?!” He half-exclaimed, half-whined, as though you were the only patrons in this bustling coffee shop. Part of you was bent on saying yes, but you kept mum yet staring at his face in distress, you find yourself stifling a giggle.

Now that he’d saved your life, you felt (and probably erroneously so) obligated to at least indulge him in coffee, and your curiosity about the young man sitting before you a whole day later now waffled between morbid and genuine.

Cursed energy? Leaking from you? Sorcery?

He cleared his throat and leaned back in his chair once he realized you were more entertained by his distress than anything else, crossing his arms and raising his legs on the table. You stared at the bottom of his shoes with mild disgust but instead focused on his face.

He really was like your Tooru, the boyfriend that slipped away from your reach in your nightmares, causing you to wake in a cold sweat. You shook the thought of your head, a quick barely perceptible movement, and crossed your own arms.

“You’re sad enough that I can sense it, which despite the fact that I am obviously quite gifted, can be a bit of an issue long term.”

“Why would it be an issue to you?”

“Because grief creates spirits and spirits are a pain in my ass.”

You furrowed your eyebrows again.

“So you followed me because you thought I was sad?” It sounded far fetched enough but absolutely on brand for a weirdo like the man before you. You took a sip of your tea - you’d picked chai for this… meeting. It wasn’t a date.

He grinned, an elbow rested on the table propping up his chin as he leaned back towards you.

“No, it’s because I thought you were beautiful.” ---

For the first time in a year, Oikawa’s first step back on Japanese soil did not immediately bring him joy but anxiety.

It was odd for him to feel anxiety, this unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach, but of course it would dissipate the moment he saw you.

But first, a warm shower in his new hotel room. Then he’d go to see you.

It felt odd not to have you waiting for him, your million dollar - no, priceless - smile on your face, so he could kiss you dramatically in the midst of all watching to again reassert that you are his, and his alone.

But you were upset, and understandably so.

So he would come to you, as a good boyfriend should.

---

“I have a boyfriend,” you told him immediately and indignantly, as you got up to leave. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you I’m not interested.”

He didn’t rise as fast as you did, watching you calmly instead as you balled your fists in irritation. It’s so shameless how he flirts, you thought. He’s so bold and rude and even if he’s a ‘sorcerer’ as he claims, there’s no spell that he can cast onto you that will make you leave Oikawa for him.

Not your Tooru, whose last Instagram post features a beautiful, tan, large-breasted and bikini-clad woman you’ve never met.

“Where is he then?” Satoru said in a low voice. He didn’t necessarily mean to cut but it did anyway. A lump formed in your throat.

“Overseas.”

---

The sound of chirping crickets is surprisingly loud for this part of the city, Oikawa considered, as he made his way towards your apartment building. It was an atypically warm evening for this point in the spring and he briefly mused if that is what excited them. Maybe they were cheering for him. They sounded a lot like the crowds if he closed his eyes.

He also hoped you had room for the gifts he carried with him, the most important of which was a Cartier bracelet he would hand to you once he departed, with a solid gold T for Tooru.

If he was on the search for fame and glory, he had to spoil you too, right?

To think that you were so angry with him that you had not yet contacted him since he had landed.

He knocked on your door finally, noting the shuffling of too many feet towards the door. This was the right door. He didn’t understand. Did you have friends over?

He called, and you didn’t immediately pick up.

---

“You have to leave!” You hissed. The statement was a plea and it was a command and it was a curse.

The blue of Satoru’s eyes was less electric in the dim moonlight, now more of a cool ice. Bare naked like this and barely visible save for the cracks of the illuminated city through your blinds, he was unfairly beautiful, as though he were carved out of marble. Again like your Tooru. Like, not better.

But still, he was there when Tooru wasn’t.

But Tooru was there now, knocking on your door, having traveled thousands of miles despite the fact that you had broken up with him just yesterday.

It was too little, too late.

But you didn’t love Satoru. He was just a band-aid for the loneliness that wrung agony out of you.

Right?

“I don’t want to leave,” your makeshift lover replied, flatly.

Your glare was sharp and instant, but Satoru matched your look, less pointed but unwilling to sway.

An unstoppable force, no different from the day he’d saved your life.

But he’d caused the problem in the first place, hadn’t he? Would you have run out so carelessly if not for him?

Your voice softened as you slipped on your clothes. The fight was lost before it started.

“Please? I… I can’t do this to him.”

Only a plea was left.

Your phone started to ring and your throat felt as though it would close up.

“___?”

Before you knew it, you heard your front door open and your heart dropped into your throat.

---

“What the fuck-”

Blue eyes were cruel.

Oikawa prided himself on his height but Satoru was taller, and his smirk was wide, while Oikawa’s face was ghostlike, devoid of any appreciable expression. Stunned.

“So you’re the boyfriend?” His voice dripped with mock amusement and he patted him on the shoulder before swinging open the door wide, letting Oikawa into his own girlfriend’s apartment, only to stand face to face with you whose feet seemed glued to the floor in shock.

“I.. T-Tooru..”

“Are you fucking serious?!”

His voice came out as a cry and his tears hot and fast. You never thought you’d see him crumple so fast, for you, for anything.

Your mouth opened and closed, and your hands shook but again, you stayed planted to the same spot while Satoru, still shirtless (but at least with the decency to have worn a pair of pants before answering the door), settled himself on the couch.

Before you could open your mouth to find a word to defend yourself to your sobbing boyfriend, your visitor let out an exaggerated yelp.

“____, you really showed no mercy on my asshole, did you?” he jeered. Then covering his mouth, he made a gesture of ‘Oops.’

What could you do?

Oikawa looked like he would stop breathing any second. He wanted to fight and maybe scream, but what use was that?

You had broken up with him yesterday.

You approached slowly, attempting maybe a touch, anything that would make your mistake less grievous.

You’d only been seeing Satoru for several weeks to… you weren’t sure why, really? Tooru was the one you loved. And to see him curl up like this… someone who was normally so proud...

You were disgusted with yourself.

“Tooru-”

“You said you’d wait for me.”

It was shocking how quick he rose, broken dignity, gifts and all.

“Tooru!”

He turned to leave, while Satoru contented himself on picking the earwax from his ears. It was easier to be like this, insufferable, than to gracefully accept the idea that his object of affection loved someone else.

He’d coveted you from the day he’d met you.

“Tooru!!!”

You were running after a man who gave 150% to everything, yet again. 

Everything but you.

But had he at the very least given you 100%? You weren’t sure.

Oikawa was the last person who could accept the thought of someone else. You weren’t sure if he’d call you ever again. You weren’t even sure you wanted to break up.

Cursed energy. Maybe you didn’t just leak cursed energy. Maybe you were just cursed.

Heart shattering to pieces once Oikawa was no longer within view, you made it back to your room. Satoru was there waiting, and you couldn’t see the look in his eyes, but his arms were open, and so you fell into them.

[singingaboutwishingx]

tww present-day headcanons

okay obviously this is like... if we ignore the offset election years and the mysterious disappearance of the bushes and no 9/11 and that little point in time where santos and obama would have overlapped and the fact that no WAY would the voters have put democrats in the white house for like almost 20 years. anyway, just suspend your disbelief lol

(also quick little disclaimer: i’m still figuring out my feelings about this administration--the real-life one, not the bartlet one. i, as always, don’t mean to glorify/girlbossify/stan politicians, etc. i’m also not trying to bully any members of any generations, simply making statements based on my observations of the world around me).

josh and toby co-wrote a series of op-eds for the washington post that absolutely read 45’s administration for FILTH

congressman will bailey is having absolutely none of marjorie taylor green’s shit. he was throwing verbal hands on any news show that would take him for weeks.

someone made a post about donna being a regular guest on news shows and i don’t remember who it was, but anyway donna shows up on rachel maddow at least once or twice a month

liz divorced doug (that one’s just personally important to me) and is regularly dragging the shit out of ted cruz on twitter because we KNOW she can

charlie and zoey have a youtube channel where they answer questions about politics (both about the political process and current events). they try to keep it as non-partisan and strictly informational as they can.

jed starts a podcast (honestly, how could he not?). every episode is him talking about a different niche topic for 30-60 minutes. liberal gen xers and older millennials think it’s the best thing to ever happen. #unclejed is trending on twitter for a couple days after the first episode

molly and huck have a moderate amount of tiktok clout and they literally ask their parents every single day if they can adopt claudia conway because they are Concerned about her

cj and jenn psaki have a little moment on twitter and huffpost and/or buzzfeed writes an article titled something like “passing the torch: former wh press secretary sends jenn psaki her love on twitter”

there’s a little portion of leftist tiktok teens/twenty-somethings that are like “josh lyman is a war criminal but holy shit he was/is hot”

ABBEY BARTLET-DR. FAUCI TEAMUP!!! there’s an ad that plays absolutely everywhere where they tell you to wear your mask and wash your hands, and they zoom into a few major news shows

less public ellie bartlet-dr. fauci teamup!!! she’s helping with research from home because of her kids and she’s killing it

kate became a foreign affairs correspondent for cnn and there’s this Look she gives the camera (for context, she was talking about how 45’s treasury secretary went to saudi arabia to speak with the crown prince even AFTER he supposedly murdered that journalist) that instantly becomes a reaction gif. there’s at least one tweet or something that’s like “found the female jim halpert on cnn” with her gif and one of his side-by-side

this might be a hot take but i think ainsley voted for clinton (sorry going back a little ways) because she was def supporting, like, john kasich or someone in the primaries, but she can’t fucking stand 45 and thought that someone with absolutely no political experience whatsoever had no damn right to hold the presidency. i mean, listen, she hated clinton, but what else was she supposed to do, not vote? she becomes a very vocal critic and she’s one of the ones that’s like “this isn’t what the republican party stands for”

sam, who was double-masking before it was cool, is just home writing the novel we all know he was meant to write. he’s less involved with politics. there’s a direct correlation between how much news he watches and how high his blood pressure is. he’s compromised with himself by watching rachel maddow every night (mostly in hopes of seeing donna) and nothing else. besides, josh would text him if it was something REALLY important.