#this is still not a vent this is my ultimate w

[cyberrose2001]

could i have a couple hcs about tfp ratchet and optimus (seperate) having a s/o that has pains/aches all over their body that pop up without warning? just some comfort hcs, if that’s okay

TFP Optimus and Ratchet w/ reader who has sudden aches/pains (hcs)

I'm assuming you mean those ass hole stabbing pains that hurt like a biatch... those are a menance fr. I especially get those in my stomach often, so that's what I went with. I hope you enjoy these headcanons!

Warnings: SFW/fluff, reader has sudden pain, very slight mention of death.

Word count: 693

Optimus

- You both would be resting together in your shared berthroom. Optimus would read a data pad while you scroll aimlessly on your phone. It'd be relatively peaceful until you feel a cramp in your abdomen. It makes you wince a little, but you'd ignore it and continue your internet surfing.

- Then, the pain hits you, your face twists in agony, and you let out a silent scream, clutching your abdomen.

- Optimus notices from the corner of his optics and instantly jumps into action, not hesitating even once as his spark sinks to his tanks.

- He won't know what to do, servos hovering over you in hesitancy as he watches you writhe around on the berth like a tortured snake.

- "What's wrong?" "Did something happen to you without my knowledge?" "Should I take you to Ratchet?"

- He would eventually scoop you up into his servos and cradle you until whatever was going on inside your tiny body stopped, optics never leaving your face, worry etched into every crevice of his frame.

- After a few moments, the pain stops, leaving a dull ache where the piercing pain once was, and he watches as you sigh in relief.

- This poor mech would be so confused. He'd ask you what happened and why you're suddenly not in pain anymore.

- You then had to explain to him that humans sometimes have 'hiccups' in their nervous system, thinking you're injured when you're really not.

- The amusement you gain from his confused facial expression is somewhat entertaining, but you'd ultimately need to reassure him that you're not hurt in any way. You're safe, and he breathes out a shaky ex-vent. 

- "It seems I still have much to learn about your kind, but I am glad you are okay."

- Proceeds to snuggle you for the rest of the night until he is sure you are unharmed, and you decide that reassurance cuddles from Optimus are the only cure for anything your fragile body throws at you.

- But if you ask, he'd massage the area to soothe the remaining aches for you. He'd be delighted to assist.

Ratchet

- It would be a typical day for you, lounging around on the couch watching Ratchet work on, well, whatever experiment or research he was conducting on the computer. It didn't matter what he was doing; you'd always admire him from a distance, and he would do the same, glancing his optics over to you occasionally to ensure you were still there.

- During your 'medic daydreaming', as you like to put it, a sharp sting hits the side of your abdomen, and you yelp in agonising pain. Tears pool in your eyes as your face scrunches up, trying to bear the sudden wave of pain.

- Ratchet abandons his station and is immediately beside you, reaching over the guard rail and scooping you up. His optics flutter over your frame and potential multiple diagnostics courses through his processor.

- "What the frag??" "Why are you holding your- for Primus' sake, move your hand! I need to see!" "Why didn't you tell me you were in pain?!"

- He'd be frantic, racing you to the med bay with you cupped in his palm.

- Ratchet has June on speed dial, and as soon as she is about to pick up, he no longer hears your whimpers.

- He'd be confused, gobsmacked even, when he sees you laying on the gurney, not a sign of pain on your face. It's like it never even happened.

- "What-" "Were you not just in distress?" "Why are you acting like you're fine?!"

- You'd hold back a chuckle as you explain to him that humans can get a little 'quirky' at times and cause you unexplainable pain for absolutely no reason. All Ratchet can do is stare at you wide-eyed as you tell him exactly why he dislikes the primitive design of the human nervous system.

- He'd be relieved, though. Thanking Primus that you weren't in danger or worse. He'd pick you up again, mumbling profanities and words like "Don't fraggin' scare me like that again." and "You humans and your body's strange aversion for death and dying scare me."

- You won't be let out of his sight for the rest of the day, keeping you cradled to his chassis. His thumb would rest against your chest in a self-soothing tactic, reassuring himself that you were okay.

- Much reassurance and thumb kisses are prescribed to him until he's calm again.

[hermitsdump]

Ok I figured out the tumblr algorithm ig bc posting about spike this morning and suddenly my fyp is all btvs gifs all day

So I fucked up by tagging my borderline vent, personal, or stressful content posts w tags that I thought people who don't want to see it would filter.

Still tho idk if that's affected my fyp at all bc I think it takes posting a tag and liking a tag and THEN it's in the fyp and it's 80% of it

I just want to not see the gege akutami slander bc the way he wrote jujutsu kaisen is perfect and intricate and considerate and insightful and it just takes several reads to get it. You gotta focus on different perspectives, see the forest from the trees, read better translations.

But at this point I have no beef and practically no nagging questions. He gave us closure, explanation, joy, and enough open-ended mystery to let us all interpret some things differently - like whether Gojo and Geto are alive.

But the continuity errors, the... On God gege knows what he's doing. That, the change in art style, it's all intentional. (when he makes a mistake he announces it to let us know, even when it's a small thing.) I pinned my reaction to jjk 271 and update it every time I have a realization that builds more clarity.

I try to be humble bc yeah I have (mostly trivial) theories that can't be proven, but are canon to me (though I always give a disclaimer when telling anyone that Kenjaku knocked up coach takagi with todo aoi, for example).

I know that it took 5 watches to understand the anime. I know that 2 reads through the manga with shonen jump's translation helped a lot, but it's a lot of information to process, and a third full read with better translations and notes is what it took for me to actually feel like I know what's going on. And I love that everything isn't spelled out and dragging us by the hand like, I tried to read or re-watch Naruto and simply cannot bc it repeats itself and is so blunt. Being able to make connections and put the clues together has been my life's joy this past year. And if gege wrapped everything up perfectly, frankly, I would not be coping well.

In the end, even if satosugu lives on in the flesh, I'm so glad jjk is over now. Bc even if we get a sequel where they are revealed (I imagine they'd fake their death to be unregistered w jujutsu headquarters and relieved of their "strongest" status and execution sentence), those two deserve a fucking break, and the jjk fandom needs time to reflect on their lives and deaths. We deserve this break to look at things differently.

Because ultimately, we see things differently after people die. We reflect on harsh realities, we go through anger, denial, what if, why, etc. We see their existence as human and finite - which is something Gojo never got before. Immortalized as the face of jujutsu kaisen, even to people who can't name the series. We, the jjk fandom, have objectified Gojo for our own entertainment. We need time to reflect on the way he's been taken at face value, misunderstood, oversexualized, etc etc - he's been treated by people irl just the way he was treated in the series. We are no better. (obv not every single person has done this but it's far overshadowing the understanding analysis and acceptance of his true life).

[sparklingdemon]

hmmm........ that one ask i got about fallen leaf's thoughts abt other pokepastas got me thinking about cody's opinions of other pokepastas, too………

(ramblings under the cut bc i'm silly)

note: i'm only doing my thoughts on the kanto pokepasta trainers bc those are the most relevant to cody. cody is indifferent to characters like lost silver gold bc they just simply do not care about them as people.

glitchy red: it's probably obvious that cody wants to keep their distance because being in proximity to glitchy red would probably glitch out THEIR sprite as well and they do not want to find out what that feels like, but it's clear that underneath the surface is a vehement dislike for glitchy personally that cody refuses to explain. glitchy would probably be confused because it seems like the two would have a lot they could connect over (a fear of their players, a hate for the modern generations of pokemon, etc.) but cody believes that they are better than glitchy and don't want to be brought down to his level, and they're insulted that he would even compare himself to them. (though if glitchy knew cody's entire history, he'd immediately lose any sense of solidarity with them. cody knows that, which is why they wouldn't want him to know. they'd rather have glitchy feel sorry for them rather than have him actively hate them, bc deep down they Are afraid of what glitchy can do to them if he really wanted to)

fallen leaf: same deal as glitchy but somehow even more weirdly personal - cody considers fallen leaf as indirectly responsible the glitch that caused red/leaf to assimilate. hacker cody and fallen leaf's hacker knew each other, and hacker cody took inspiration from the beliefs of fallen's hacker. they chose not to fix the glitch when you choose leaf because of that, so cody probably vents a lot of that frustration onto fallen leaf even though it's not her fault that hacker cody knew her hacker. fallen feels sorry for cody but ultimately decides that they're a pretentious rude asshole who blames others for their own issues. fallen still holds love and hope for the world of pokemon despite all her trauma and she resents that cody couldn't feel the same way

blue tears: cody's own blue has some (justifiable) motive to want to kill them, so it would barely surprise cody at all if one day their own blue just decided to skip the pokemon battles and go straight to stabbing them w a knife. unfortunately for BT!blue, cody is carrying pokemon to defend themself with and he is not. the MOMENT cody senses murderous intent from blue he's getting a thunderbolt sent his way because cody isn't too shellshocked to react in time like red in blue tears was. and if necessary cody WOULD fistfight blue even if they get cut in the process. cody is too damn scared of death to go down w/o a fight - which might actually surprise BT!blue, who just expected his "rival" to be as unexpressive as ever

steven [strangled red]: on a superficial level, cody hates how similar they look to this guy. (original the character™ with long hair who's wearing red's clothes happens to describe both cody And steven) cody is weirdly meta-aware of the fact that steven is someone's OC and not a canon character to the games, but if they actually met him face to face in-game? they'd be scared shitless of him. cody was lucky that their own charizard was too polite to attack/kill them, but s!3v3n can and Will sic his charizard on anyone he doesn't like - this boy has literally sent his charizard out to strangle his brother to death, and his whole thing in door's open is that he will still kill you whether you win or lose against him, so. cody wants nothing to do with that mess. cody already has enough charizard-related trauma, they don't need any more lol

[ichirukilover]

I closed the door to Bl/each after the tragedy of 6/86 and briefly opened a window to LA, because well that pair is my weakness and it made me laugh how treacherously I/R it was.

So when weeks ago I saw a beautiful I/R fanart on Tik Tok (The anime came back, so the algorithm decided it was a good idea to torture me), and the response to a comment that said "They should have ended up together "was "READ THE MANGA", I was baffled. I mean, what did that mean? had I read a fake manga all those years and the "real manga" appeared Da Vinci Code-style after 2016? Was it all a Jump conspiracy? Have we been duped all this time?

That piqued my curiosity, so I wandered around several sites, reading publications from the "correct/canon/real manga" point of view; and well, you'll see even worse things the bible says.

Here are my favorites:

"The I/H was evident from the beginning, just read chapter 0": yes, because a one-shot that is a sketch of the general idea of a manga, that goes through many revisions and rewrites is absolutely determinant in the development of the main manga, and seriously, what exactly is the evidence?

"HM arc is the ultimate proof of I/H, he went to rescue her and even came back from the dead for her": well, so did her other friends and even R/enji and R/ukia, maybe they were all in love with her too. And about the resurrection...just...never mind.

"I/H are perfect for each other" Here I could do a whole essay from a psychological point of view that proves that it is an absolute fallacy and was more than clear in the FB arc, in real life they wouldn't work and would be a toxic couple. And God knows at least that boy needs therapy.

"O***ime looks like Ma/saki" * Bombastic side eye. Criminal, offensive side eye *

"O***ime deserves I/chigo”: Oh, so he was some kind of trophy for being a good girl, so it wasn't enough to objectify her, they also do the same with the boy.

"Ru/kia was a shinigami and I/chigo was a human, and she's much older than him, their relationship was impossible." *Everything but the rain entered the chat*.

"I/H fought together against Y/wach": And we all know how well they (he) did, right?

"W/D/k/A/L/Y": *sigh* that's what it looks like when you try to fix a mess and fail miserably.

"W/D/k/A/L/Y's scribble": ...

"Anime invented IR": The studio simply pushed something that was already implicit in the original material and they knew it would sell more, it's basic marketing. Most of us knew what was filler and what wasn't (rolls eyes).

And there definitely wasn't a parallel manga that magically made sense of that ending. What a disappointment.

And I/R are the delusional and lacking in compressive reading? It's so much easier to say you just don't like people ship I/R, instead of sending them to read the manga or giving lazy arguments. Pathetic.

This was long, but I just needed to vent or something, because I honestly found the whole situation absolutely hilarious.

My English is broken, so I hope I have been understood.

PS: So in my delusional mind I/R is right now enjoying his honeymoon on the beach *wink**wink*.

Blessings.

As someone that didn't leave after the ending and has seen all these "amazing points" take form and basically became the classic "IH and pro ending dudebro agenda" list, let me tell you, I was and still am baffled too. No matter how many times I read them, I still get shocked at how some really believe that bunch of BS, or better they keep repeating it untill they'll believe it.

You adressed them in a simple but direct and straight to the point way, I don't even need to add anything to what you said, agree to all of it, wait lol well maybe I could add the the pilot chapter lit has In0ue de0d at the end of it but what do we know, that doesn't seem to matter to them lol it doesn't have to make sense smh

In our delusional mind that ichiruki honeymoon on the beach is so vivid and real... I wonder why lmao

[pescado-diabolico]

HELLO CORRECT OLD MAN OPINION HAVER i would like to hear YOUR thoughts on rei as well 👀

Thank you for bequeathing me the honor of being the correct old man opinion haver lol let's get started

Send me a character and I'll list some things about them

favorite thing about them

oh gosh what don't i like about rei... i love his design, i love his voice, i love how shady and skeezy he acts, i love that he does bad things!!! and yet despite all that he has a heart buried deep deep deep inside, he still cares for his sons in his own way, he cares for his division mates (even if they have to kinda. drag him back to them), he loves his wife and does terrible things for her ^/////^ rei amayado character of all time TO ME

least favorite thing about them

this isn't. something i dislike about rei specifically, it's just something i worry about with kr handling his story. i don't want rei to be forgiven for his actions and revealed to be good all along, it doesn't seem like it's going that way but WE SHALL SEE after the 3rd drb

favorite line

several! though more like "favorite moments" as opposed to a single line

1. i like when he calls the waitress "onee-chan" in aikata back again when he's meeting with sasara for the first time

2. i like when he refers to himself as papa when talking to jiro and saburo (hits esp hard in the stage show)

3. i lov!! his scenes with rosho and sasara in aikata(s) back again when trying to reunite them. i love that he compares them to himself and nayuta, his gentler touch with rosho vs his harsher, more direct attitude with sasara seems, to me, to mirror that he sees more of nayuta in rosho and more of himself in sasara in their dynamic and he's trying to make up for his mistakes. yes he's trying to get them to cooperate for his own benefit but! it's his care and concern for his teammates seeping through even if he doesn't want to admit it to himself yet

4. from the laugh back drama track: i love him and rosho being silly together and figuring out the best way to prank sasara, in the early days of dotsuhon's introduction, a lot of fanworks depicted rosho as being more antagonistic to rei (not. wrongfully so considering rei roped in one of rosho's students in a scam), and it seemed to persist even after aikata(s) back again, so having a drama track with just them together hanging out getting into shenanigans together was super fun

5. hypster drama track that was released around the 8th live where rei sets up a series of clues for sasara and rosho to figure out that ultimately lead to them meeting rei at the zoo bc he wanted to go but didn't want to be by himself because he'd stand out too much on his own. can't just ask his friends to hang out, no, it had to be a whole production. old man i SEE how moe you are, you can't hide from me

brOTP

saving dotsun waxing for the otp section BUT i love rei and hitoya hanging out as like. not quite friends but if rei's in nagoya he'll get a drink with hitoya even if hitoya doesn't trust him and they'll have a fun night together

i also like the dynamic of rei, samatoki, and doppo from the mixed up drama track, i like rei and samatoki encouraging doppo to do some. less than legal things to his manager at work and doppo humoring them by indulging his fantasies of revenge and venting a bit about work that way

OTP

me of course barring selfship, i can't bear to split up dotsuhon ot3 as a group. it's not as strong as fling posse ot3 and my ideal dotsuhon dynamic is sasaro with rei as their platonic emotional support old man third who they also have sex with sometimes, they're so precious to me and to each other that i don't want to see them separated (which is why i don't like rei/sasara or rosho on their own as pairings nearly as much bc it makes me sad to split them up ;w; i do prefer reiro to reisasa admittedly)

nOTP

rei is my fandom bicycle so i ship him with pretty much everyone lol i definitely have my preferred ships but i could squint and make up AT LEAST a fwb type dynamic with him and anyone else <3 love this slutty man

random headcanon

i think he has a line about it in arb but i love the headcanon that rei reads manga and that's where ichiro got his love of geek media from. also i think rei is down for anything in the bedroom but he's not an outright sadist daddy dom type (daddy yes), not quite a service top but he'll rock his partner's world for the night, whatever that means for them

unpopular opinion

feel like liking rei is a bit of an unpopular opinion on its own since he tends to rank at the bottom of character popularity polls lol THAT ASIDE i need rei to actually like. look like a middle aged man who spends his free time drinking, smoking, and eating bar food so give him more wrinkles and a gut and body hair!!!

song i associate with them

you get... four!!! this and this for selfship purposes, this and this for character purposes

favorite picture of them

there are truly SO many to choose from so i'll pick a few

this face!!! from the anime was my discord icon for the longest time, he's so cute

apologies for the poor image quality (this is from. a spoon 2Di magazine that i own but i can't take a better pic bc i'm out of the house) but i like his outfit from the splatoon event in arb, he's stylin

and of course... mad scientist rei, the card that almost made me download arb (but i resisted for a bit longer until my mental health was a bit better)

[apheliia]

WEEPING SCREAMING AGONIZING OVER DAISUKE. ONE OF HIS LAST MEMORIES WAS SEEING WHAT ANYA DID TO HERSELF W THOSE PILLS AND EVEN WHEN HE WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN HE STILL PUSHED THRU TO GET THAT MED DOOR OPEN. ILL NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN WAAAAUDIEKWAFBTBJWWKNDBCCNEHRUFTJJET

he wanted to help her so bad. he didn't even want to go in that vent and He Who Shall Not Be Named fucking manipulated, pressured, and forced him into doing it (why didn't he go, if he wanted to get into the medical room so bad? fucking useless coward.), and daisuke ultimately did not just because of His manipulation but because dai wanted to help her so so so bad. because he genuinely cares for his crewmates. and one of the last things he would have seen was her body. he was probably thinking about her the whole time leading up to the end. i'm sick. daisuke. daisuke my baby. my baby my baby i love him so much i want to cry over him all the time. i need to hug him and kiss him and tell him he is good enough!!!!!!! that he's so so so good and perfect!!!!!!!!!!! wanna see how hard i can cry? just mention dai and PPSFHFHHFHFHHFHSHDHHFHSHSHH

[kyliafanfiction]

I know this may seem rich coming from me, since at least 50% of this blog is complaints and bitching by volume, but enjoying something is a choice. You can choose to enjoy a thing, warts and all, or you can let the warts consume your enjoyment.

Nothing will be perfect. No perfect book, no perfect game, no perfect show. I'm not saying 'settle' or 'never criticize' - again, this blog is at least 50% complaints by volume - but ultimately, you have to decide:

Are you going to enjoy the thing, while also admitting flaws, or just let your hate for those flaws consume your entire perception of the thing.

Or of course, you can set it aside, but this is about the things we can't set aside. The books or shows or games or w/e that just won't leave our brains no matter what.

And if you can't just set it aside and move on, like a rational, sane person would (or so I hear, haven't meant many of those in my time here in fandom and on tumblr), or you can choose to... just hate. Just bitch. Just refuse to like it, and stew. Just... stew.

And the thing is, I don't actually do that. I don't stew. With the exception of my endless rage at Captain America, who continues to squat rent free in a corner of my brain, I actually don't spend much time in my real life focusing on what I don't like about the things I love, or enjoy, or otherwise consume my life and brain. I have things I don't like about my favorite book serieses (What is the plural of series?), or my favorite shows, or my favorite games. Things that bug me, things that annoy me, things that make me wanna pull my hair out.

And when I bitch about them here on tumblr, it's 'I had the thought, I bitch, I move on'. When I have a whole string of them, it's because I'm consuming the thing actively, and I'm venting about whatever annoys me. But if I genuinely hate or can't stand the thing... 99.99% of the time, I just stop. I stop reading, I stop watching, I stop playing. If there's nothing or not enough drawing me in... I quit. Boom. Done.

Because, at the end of the day, I choose to enjoy. That game that I love to pieces and that so many people make snarky videos about how much it sucks compared to the earlier 'good' part of the series? Or about how the game's developers suck because... other game developer did 'basically the same game' better? (When, 75% it's entirely different and not comparable, or actually didn't do the thing better, just different in a way that appealed to the other person's idiosyncratic tastes) Or that book that's trash that sooooo many people insist X or Y or Z did a better version of? That show that 'became garbage' because of a choice you're still butthurt over five seasons later?

I can give you chapter and verse about what's wrong with them. The little things, the big things, the minor annoyances, the quality of life changes, the big picture sweeping reworks I wish we'd had. The stuff that has left me up mad at night when I really can't control myself. The things that I understand why the creator(s) did the way they did, even if I don't agree, and the things that, to this day, I still don't grasp the motivation behind.

And yeah, sometimes those things bubble up to the front of my mind, and sit there for a while, despite my best efforts.

But frankly? I refuse to let that shit stick with me forever (again, Cappy-Fucker excepted, and for the record, I don't like that my hate for him is so deep-seated). I have shit to do. Books to read (again). Games to play (again). Shows to watch (again).

I'm not going to let my hate or annoyance run the show.

I'm going to choose to enjoy it, god fucking damnit.

[emilsgrippers]

This is more of a personal post nothing rlly TD related so just a heads up. It’s also more of a vent so…don’t read if u don’t wanna

I’m really sorry my content kinda went so downhill lately.

I have been in a bad place for a long time—due to friends, the way things are going, my living situation, and just the way life in general is going.

Me, my mom, and one of my grandmas went somewhere for Halloween—to dress up and have fun, you know..halloweeny things.

Yesterday, on Halloween, I got insanely sick. Head throbbing, throat burning to where I couldn’t speak or breathe…and I just had to deal with it because my body physically won’t let me take any medicine. While I’m typing this, I’m still fighting this god awful sickness and I feel like death reincarnated

I feel like I’m nothing without some kind of reassurance..like without someone constantly in my ear saying “you’re awesome truss!” but that shouldn’t be someone’s job.

One of my main escapes from how god boring and mentally draining my day-to-day life is—is drawing!!—or posting silly things online to you guys..

I really like drawing, I have fun with it I enjoy it..but more often than not, if doesn’t get too much recognition. It does get some—and I’m very thankful!! But stuff like this::

My furina drawing took about 2ish hours, and I’m very proud with the result, but it got about 16/18(? Haven’t re-checked) likes which of course heavily unmotivates me.

I love putting detail and lots of time into my stuff…but I just feel like it’s all for nothing—hence why I haven’t been posting much art, I just don’t feel like the people like it.

With my headcanony stuff I post every other day(mostly), it also doesn’t do very well. I always kinda think that it’s because I headcanon the same two characters over and over again….but they’re my favs and I don’t want to go out of my way to make headcanons for characters I personally don’t care about too much… IE chase. (Sorry chase)

I know very well that nobody is obligated to like all my content, but I’m trying my hardest to share my cool Bridgette stuff to all my Bridgette fans out there—but I just feel like it doesn’t get there and it bums me out.

But also—I’ve seen a lot of mh mutuals vent or stuff,, and my main thing would normally always be to stop and say something comforting—because I always want to make sure someone’s okay but I just. I’m not in a half decent mental state and I can barely conjure up an “itll be okay”. So to my moots whose vents I scrolled past in a panic: I’m really sorry, and I hope you’re all doing okay. You’re all amazing, and I hope you’re doing better.

Enough about my content & stuff though and heres my apology::

I really am sorry that I’m kinda just..falling off. Staying somewhat relevant is very important to me because I am ultimately nothing. I don’t have many friends, and I’m a very isolated person..though not by choice. The only friends I really have kind of..hurt and or play w/ my feelings? More often than not, atleast. But that’s nobodies problem but my own

I’m still whipping up little headcanons and au things , and I swear when I (hopefully) move and get out of the disheartening place I live—I will make it my mission to draw more…post more..etc…and I’m sorry I didn’t immediately start off this account with that intent. Thank you for continuing to follow my account despite how rough my content has become. I am..very very VERY thankful for you.

[dolconfessionsss]

Hello! I'd like to confess something quite personal.. this would get very long & uncomfortable fast so I really completely understand if you don't publish it! I.. just really wanted to share this somewhere. (TW for rl SA, misogyny & religious trauma)

so I was raised in a very strict religious household in a very hm let's just say a third world country where the mention of feminism (or even sex education and mental health so i never went to therapists about this) is still so very taboo, the belief that "women are worthless if they're not clueless virgins before marriage" is hammered on me since little by my family and teachers, i even developed a phobia of male contact when i was in middle school, bursting to tears when i accidentally bump into a male classmate because I'm so afraid of not being "pure" anymore, i was so horrified that my life would be over if I can't bleed for a hypothetical man that would one day "buy" me with dowry (i'm better now, i still can't look men in the eye though).

When I was in high school i unfortunately went through a traumatic event that troubled my life from all aspects for a couple of years. No where & no one to vent i started turning into explicit fictional media to cope, because at least i have control there, i can always give the characters happy endings, and if things don't go well, it's ultimately not real and won't actually hurt me. I used to be so sex repulsed, after the incident I'm not sure if i developed some sort of (fictional? i can't imagine being intimate w anyone ever irl) hypersexuality or something. So.. you'd expect a game like dol would be super extra triggering for me, but weirdly enough it's.. soothing? It's like, my pc can go through the most unimaginable harrowing shit ever and lose "purity" yet can still have a life, smiling, be loved, develop skills, excelling studies and do big things. It's.. very cathartic... Yes i don't know if the game ever meant to be that inspirational or uplifting, but it somewhat helps me convince myself that I can still do better after all. I apologize if all this sounds ridiculous and stupid, but it's just how i feel.. I'm sorry if there's weird wording. Thank you for reading!

I resonated with you a lot, anon! My background have some similarites growing up, so I can understand what you meant. I think you describe it best, it is very soothing and cathartic. People cope with their trauma is so many different way, and I'm happy to hear that you seemed to have found yours too with this game, anon ❤

[despair-to-future-arcs]

The Imposter's Descent Into Despair

[Part 1]

Well... I think it's best we start at the beginning...

Date: December 29th, 2011

*As everyone in Class 77-B was surrounding 1 person - their teacher, who was tied up to a chair which Mikan got up*

Pl-Please... let me go...!

O-Okay everyone, it's tied up and we are all set!

Good, seems we got it all set up...

Now Mahiru, is the camera all set - are we ready to record?

Just about...

Yep, all set! Now we are recording and thanks to you and Kazuichi's tech work; we can finally show all the parents of how much of a shitty teacher she is!

Ar-Are you seriously going to do this?! I worked hard on getting your talents to be symbols of hope!

!!! *gets slapped*

One more word out of you and I'm gonna punch you!

Now now everyone, let's calm down and go one at a time; you all are going to get your chance to vent out your anger and frustrations at her but let's keep this in order...

Now then, who wants to go first...?

Gee... going in order eh, I guess we gotta make sure we all don't start yelling at her at once, well... anyone want to go first?

...I will.

Whoa - you got something to say; ham hands? I'm rather surprise you do.

Weeell she did push you to be our teacher and pretend to be here so yeah, I think you got a ton of reasons so I think it make sense.

Thank you, I think if anything I have quite a bit to say to this women...

Now... where to begin with you, witch; maybe how you kept pushing your job onto me and pretending to be you or how you didn't let me work on my own identity at all...

U-Um, w-well... you see, Ultimate Imposter... I was just... I was helping you improve your talent in impersonating and-!

No, if anything you were being nothing but a lazy, incompetent, moron that just her work onto someone that should have to keep this class in line; in fact I had follow everything to the letter and yet it still wasn't good enough for you!

I told you so many damn times, I want to quit impersonating others, to form my own identity and future and yet you never even let me have that! I was stripe away from it because your too lazy to do anything on your own! I even question why you became a teacher if you won't do your job!

Honestly, I am planning to leave this damn place and frankly, the only good thing that came out of this was meeting Daiki but now that he's gone, I can't even get that! So I'm done, I hope you rot in hell you condescending witch which frankly you shouldn't have done this!

But you decided to enroll here, you should of expected this...!

That is the only thing I'll admit was a mistake but at least I know that dropping out is for the best and that I will accept that, but everything else is your fault, I'll just let everyone else say their piece as I rather not let this go on...

...

...

...

...

*As everyone began to say their piece, Nagi walks over as she unties the bandage rope*

WAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAHAAAA, I'M TEEEEEEELLING!!! *runs out of the room*

AND GET OUTTA HERE, YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH!

YAHOO, AWESOME! Guys we told that bitch off and it was thanks to Nagi!

Wait... your thanking me...? I'm not sure what I did but at least that lady will leave us alone now, thankfully...

Well I mean, you did convince us to fight back and take a stand, still I think you are selling yourself too short Nagi.

... (She doesn't seem too confident but I suppose she isn't use to it.)

'At first this was the start of a revolution, it's what began it all...'

[unpopularly-opinionated]

Lately I've been kind of feeling out the idea of dropping the whole online political discourse thing and just going back to being a personal blog w/ opinions on movies, shows, games, etc. I don't know that my hearts in it anymore. It all just sort of ends the same way. And this feels like the best time to do so, what with all the election nonsense coming up, or the Middle Eastern conflict, Russia, China, Trump's trial, etc. etc.

But then I run into the conundrum of whether or not I unfollow a ton of people who I've followed for quite some time now because they're mostly politically-oriented blogs, or if I continue to follow them, maybe occasionally reblog a non-political post by them once in a while, and just hope that I can refrain from commenting when I see something egregious posted on my timeline lol.

There's also the problem that I'm not particularly a fandom-oriented person anymore. I'm not entirely sure I ever was, but I know I used to follow like X-Men First Class blogs back when I was in high school and really into Halex fanfic. I'm not entirely sure what I'd follow these days. Maybe F1 since I'm kind of getting into that. Destiny 2 probably as well, though I'm not sure if that'll stick after next week or not so we'll see. One Piece and other various anime is a big possibility as well.

If there's one thing I like doing though, purely for my own benefit/entertainment, it's writing needlessly long rants/reviews of various topics. I used to try and write locally on my PC, mainly so I can just remember my opinions on things because I quite often forget even my own opinions.

Like recently my friend and I were talking about Naruto, and he brought up one character who I remember distinctly hating for a very particular reason, but for the life of me I couldn't remember what the reason was, and it's bugged me ever since. I've even considered going back and rewatching that garbage anime just so I could remember, but why put myself through that lol.

So ultimately, I'm not sure where I'll end up on this, but at the very least I'll probably step back on political-oriented content a bit. Obviously I'll still comment on politically-adjacent things here and there, like when racism or sexism are brought up about video games or some show or whatever.

Anyways, this was mainly a vent post I suppose you could call it, for my own benefit, of course. Watch me forget I wrote this in a week and go back to business as usual lmao.

[nebulousfishgills]

I'll hang with you, friend! Have a few of these to chew on:

FMK, Jamie edition: Henry Creel, Jace Wayland, and whatever his Twilight character is (haven't seen Twilight lol)

Would you rather spend a year in the Stranger Things universe or a year in the Twilight universe? assuming that you're human, but have a reasonable degree of possibility to get powers somehow (so like... if you want to be a vampire, you could try to get converted but they might also just kill you)

You're visited by the writer genie, but they'll only grant one wish. Which do you pick?

1. You're able to transcribe the story exactly as it is in your brain, but motivation is just as it is now (so you'll probably end up with writer's block at some point)

2. You never get writer's block again, but that means you get intensely motivated to write at exactly the wrong time (i.e., in class, about to go to bed, etc.)

3. You get wide, positive reception for everything you post and comments on every fic, but some people BADLY misinterpret your characters and you literally can't do anything about that

Favorite things: your writing style is incredible, and you're not afraid to add genuine darkness to your storylines. You also stay really true to Henry's character and make it clear that he's still a villain, but you're able to implement these moments where we start to care about him all the same. It's really impressive, and makes for an addictive story! And even outside your writing, you're a really lovely person and I'm glad we've struck up a friendship here

Tiny vent: I have one fic that I'm honestly really proud of (the characters are unique and dynamic, there's an interesting plot, the writing is some of my better prose), but it has gotten ZERO attention whatsoever. I realize it's because it's written in a very small and underappreciated fandom, and OC x canon fics aren't always the most widely-received anyway, but I really wish people would give it a chance because I really think they'd enjoy it if they did. The worst part is that I can see a few people have bookmarked or subscribed to it, but I haven't gotten a single comment (not even one of those "this is great!" or "extra kudos" or whatever). I'm trying not to let it kill my motivation because I really do like this story, but it's starting to make me sad :/

Thanks for "hanging out with me," bestie lol. Luckily my isolation window for Miss Rona is over and I'm feeling better 😷. Anyways, let's see what we have here...

FMK - Henry Creel, Jace Wayland, Caius Volturi...

Bestie you're killing me here. You're actually killing me. It changes depending on my mood, of course, but if I had to pick the most constant idea... F Henry, Marry Caius, Kill Jace

I'm sorry

Would you rather - Spend a year in the Stranger Things universe or spend a year in the Twilight universe, both with a reasonable chance of gaining powers...

Hmm... that's a good question. Again, this very much depends on my mood, but I might have to go with the Stranger Things universe. I would honestly need an essay to explain why that would ultimately be like many of my college essays: four pages of nothing. Some days I think living in the twilight universe would be fun, but right now the Stranger Things universe seems like the "safer" option, relatively speaking.

A Visit From the Writer Genie - It's between 1 and 2, but I think I'll go with 1 becaus 2 tbh is not that different to how I operate now. I do most of my writing at like, 1 AM (as my roommate could likely vouch for) and I have done writing during class. But I'd love to just implant text right to the page, that'd be wonderful.

Favorite Thing - Bestie, your comments are some of the best things I have gotten, and it really means a lot that you enjoy those facets of my writing. I like to say that it's my blessing-and-a-curse empathy that lets me get characterizations right because I find that I'm very good at reading and interpreting characters, even for little shitpost things. And I, too, am very glad we struck up such a lovely friendship. I love making friends in my little Tumblr-sphere :)

Vent Reply - Aww, I'm sorry! Low engagement is the worst when you're very proud of what you've written. That by no means diminishes your worth as a writer, though. I bet it's a really amazing fic! In fact, I'll add it to my list. It's the least I can do.

Thanks for "hanging out" with me lol. It's been an incredibly hard few days, so it really means a lot that you decided to pop in :3

[quote-central]

I’ve thought about my current friendship lately.

It has served me for such a good nice time. These days, I am still very appreciative of this friendship. Although, I’ve seen new sides of this friend in this recent year. For context, I’ve seen and heard what people will do in survival mode.

Firstly, I want to say that I do not judge people’s actions while they are in survival mode. I myself am incredibly blessed to be able to say that I have not experienced being in that type of survival.

I met my friend’s girlfriend recently when we hung out last time, and despite all the things that were said about her, i was surprised to learn that she was actually a very cool, chill person.

Long story short, my friend shared with me her current and future plans of getting a place of her own. And that she doesn’t see her friend in a long-term way. And she feels bad about that, but ultimately she has to do what she has to do.

My friend is a great person, and is just experiencing the throws of life. Although I see her tendencies of wanting to latch onto someone for her gain. And again, I am not judging because i know she is in survival mode right now.

Fastforward, we decided to have what i like to call, our weekly Boss Talks, where we FT each week, and talk about if we met our goals or not, and what we want to tweak in the future.

Our first week of Boss Talk happened the first weekend of the year. Personally for me, I had a major delay to the start of the year (bc of myself and underestimating the time it would take me to do my hair). And i was stressed that i wouldnt hit my first weekly goal. But i powered thru it that day, got the bare minimum done (which was a lot bc i was unorganized, unprepared and failed to plan), and hit my weekly goal.

We decided to have these weekly Boss Talks stay under 5 minutes.

Our first weekly Boss Talk was about an hour, largely bc my froend was venting anout her week, which i made space for of course. She talked about how she didn’t hit her goal bc of everything going on w her job.

In my mind, i was like its funny bc the day before i thought to myself, i can’t come out on our first Boss Talk not hitting my goal, and having to admit that on our call.

I like our calls because it holds me accountable to something i otherwise have found to be very difficult to hold myself to (DISCLAIMER: I AM FULLY AWARE THAT IT IS UP TO ME AND SOLELY ME TO HOLD MYSELF ACCOUNTABLE) however, it’s nice to have an accountability partner. Things don’t feel so alone. It also helps spark inspiration and new ideas.

Ultimately, I’m just assessing the relationship I have right now. It is a great one, but i am growing and expanding and i want her to grow and expand as well. However, growth and expansion isn’t always going to be on the same timeline as you, and that’s ok! Real friendship stands the test of time, right? Or should i say, the test of individual growth?

Yea….

[omegapheromone]

Coming here to vent about dating, romance/love, and a bit of misce/omegaverse stuff bc I don't feel like putting any of this on main

I'm having a lot of thoughts about like... dating, especially w being queer and dating, at this age and how impossible it is (dating apps are something that legitimately scares me so I'm like. No way will I ever use those)

But also wondering if maybe I'm just not cut out for it. I've been managing it alone for a good few years now after a really toxic relationship with who was, essentially, a predator, ended, and while it's not a bad thing to be alone, I guess the sad part is seeing all my peers enjoy happy long-term relationships where they have the unconditional support and affection of someone at all times

I guess what I'm trying to explain is, I feel really starved for romance and affection and honestly? Over anything else? Just someone I can TRUST. Feel safe around. And so on. Like... having a person represent a "home", considering I never feel at home anywhere.

Of course, there's also the omegaverse/misce stuff. It's secondary to me and not a necessary consideration for a romantic relationship, but I also just worry it'll be seen as a weird kink or something. Just one more thing in the pile of things that make me "too much to deal with" for most, I suppose. In an ideal world I'd meet someone who already knows of it and potentially identifies as alpha, too (though it's not like I'm picky lmao) but ultimately that doesn't mattet.

And perhaps it's my own stubbornness about refusing to use stuff like dating apps. Then again, I don't even know which ones the queer folk where I live use, AND I don't want to have to deal with the fear of opening up once again only to witness the other person struggle with the realization of how much trauma I have and how much of it I'm STILL only unpacking, and getting scared and just leaving because they don't want to deal with a broken thing. I'm not asking anyone to fix me, actually I'd rather do it myself anyway, but it's a bit disheartening to see how overwhelming even just a fraction of my issues can be to some people. This is not a bad thing- people have different tolerances for things and that includes hardship. Having to hear about some of the things I've been through and seeing the damage I'm still trying to mend could be extremely distressing and upsetting to some people solely because they're empathizing with it, and I don't want my pain to hurt anyone else

Again, it's all fine, I'm just rambling here obviously. Need to let these 4am thoughts out somewhere so I can maybe put it into better words and then later talk about it with the irl people that might care.

It just gets a bit lonely and especially, hopeless, I guess. Maybe life will always happen around me while I stay stagnant?

Also I'm falling asleep while typing

[bandofchimeras]

badheavythoughts vent:

a Facebook mutual w a rly popular account posted asking for reassurance and got several hundred comments of pure praise & love including from people in my FB circle who are all very openly affirming of eachother all the time

I feel...not just left out but embarrassed and hurt by my own walls bc just yesterday I was going to make a post about how unsafe I felt on FB and leave. yet my walls make so much sense given my experiences in life and how fucking treacherous and volatile and untrustworthy most people have turned out to be ESPECIALLY in times of like, calling out abuse or harm, or trying to politically mobilize . I guess part of me wants this simple human need, just to ask for reassurance and recieve it, and part of me believes that is permanently impossible for me bc while I can surface level be nice and sweet, the real me will always be associated with painful truths or inconveniences and frustrations and disappointments. it's family and religious and growing up conservative trauma but I don't know how to move past or through it because the part of me that needs most to be seen and validated is also the meanest most condemnatory voice . it's like my innermost self is stuck in wartime and that MAKES SENSE and RIGHT NOW is also wartime and time of betrayal, division, societal splintering and falseness and violence and abandonment, but it hurts still, wanting to experience peace and be able to simply relax and trust the world will be there tomorrow and be able to let people in bc I'm not attached to some Cause that is greater than myself and which their weakness threatens.

also doesn't help getting to know a new friend with the intent of just hanging out and working on cars and it turns out they left town bc of a horrible situation where everyone turned on them for trying to speak about racism & abuse they experienced. and learning the history of the music scene I was thinking about entering is deeply fucked up and appropriating culture that came from Black people protesting police murders. like what do you fuckin do with that.

ultimately dark humor seems like this wisest cope but idek I hate becoming cynical and further pushing love away out my life

[mithliya]

About the whole "I thought I was a lesbian but I met a guy and realized I'm bi" thing - it ((however unfortunately)) happened to me and tbh I think it's a very recent societal problem. Like I feel guilty for labelling myself as a lesbian because I don't ever want to misrepresent their interests bc... I love them. And I don't believe lesbians can love men or change their mind about their sexuality. But even as a radical feminist we live in a world overtaken with identity politics that puts pressure on us to know what we are even though we aren't rid of homophobia OR biphobia for that matter. I've struggled with (mild, not that that excuses it) internalized biphobia and misogyny. We assume that the days of women realizing that they're lesbians late in life are over bc of the agenda telling us that homophobia has died but it hasn't. However, similarly, we're still going to have young people of all types struggling with labels realize things about themselves later in life, because of homophobia on top of the fetishization of minority identities. I might be talking in circles now but idk, give me your feedback on this. This is also vent-y bc I want to be febfem but I feel like I don't have a choice with today's dating scene? Which I know that sounds so stupid, I should just woman up and be female exclusive but... idk. I don't feel like I can. (That's not to say I don't love my current bf, I'm just pathetic lol)

hm honestly anon u lost me like halfway through so i kinda got confused over what u were trying to say here, ngl. i agree theres a pressure to choose a certain label even when u dont rly know and thats also why when i get anons asking me if theyre lesbian or bi i often advise to just think things thru and figure things out without putting a label on it bc like rly why do u HAVE to label urself if ur unsure? its ok to be unsure on ur sexuality u dont have to have a label in the meantime!!

but i didnt understand the bit u said about "we'r"e still going to have young people of all types struggling with labels realize things about themselves later in life, because of homophobia on top of the fetishization of minority identities." so if u wanna reword that for me thatd be great <3 cause i feel like i might have thoughts on that but im not sure what ur saying there

also i agree that its hard to be febfem with the reality of the dating scene tbh but think of it this way,,, dating men in the current dating scene isnt that easy if u want to have standards in which u dont date men that are overt or covert misogynists, if u cut men who consume porn out of ur dating pool, etc etc. so like ultimately the dating scene isnt that easy either way, with dating exclusively women its just always gonna be difficult as a woman bc our dating pool is smaller but its like choosing one risk over another in some way ?? if that makes sense. that said if u have a boyfriend u love then perhaps u could aim for being febfem if/when that relationship ends, bc i think itd be unreasonable to expect anyone to end their relationship if theyre happy w it anyways lol