#this is so sad 😔 i think this is what the reality of his situation would be but also it hurts to write it out

[idoodlestuffsometimes]

I just gotta ask has Caleb ever tried to kill himself before?

I'm afraid the answer is almost definitely yes. The most likely points would probably be after the death of the first grimwalker and whenever it was that he realized he's surely outlived his wife and their child. Attempts lead to consequences against his sons though, so for Hunter's sake he hasn't tried it in a long time and in fact actively avoids things that might tempt him in his weaker or less lucid moments. One of the multiple reasons he doesn't carve anymore.

[heybank]

umm so i wrote a little fic/blurb idk i don't think it's good but it's something that's been stuck in my head for a while with my own little oc named grace but her name is only mentioned a few times so it could totally be ignored and seen as reader.

anyway this is my first ever fic so please be kind to me and if you have suggestions or other fic ideas i'd love to hear them.

not proof read and lowercase intended.

and if you think it's awful please lie to me i'm fragile 😔

deny

you are a lover girl. a hopeless romantic, someone who dreams of finding "the one" and living happily ever after. kie often says you tend to fall in love a little with everyone you meet. you can't help it though, you have so much love in you, it feels like you'll burst at the seams if you don't share it with others.

you think you're in love with your best friend jj maybank. no one understands you the way the wild blond haired boy does. no one can communicate with you with just a single look the way jj does. no one makes your heart beat out of your chest and your tummy flutter the way his dimpled smile does, eyes crinkling at the corners, a slight sunburn on his nose because lord know that boy doesn't use the sunscreen you bought him.

so yeah you're in love with jj maybank but then yesterday a different boy kissed you. pope heyward, your other best friend, genius extraordinaire whom you thought was maybe in love with kie but no- he kissed you and you felt a tingle in your ever beating heart. heat filled your cheeks and your ears became fuzzy. that was a new feeling when it came to pope. it made you excited to explore because as much as you love jj, you don't think the boy would ever return your undying affection because your friendship meant too much.

----

you stood in the threshold of popes bedroom, gasp stuck in your throat, eyes wide and mouth open at the sight before you. you’re not sure how to process what you’re seeing.

before you on the bed that pope kissed you on not even 24 hours ago, is jj maybank, your closest friend, kissing the heyward boy.

so many emotions flow through you at the sight before you.

shock because not once has jj; or pope for that matter mentioned or even hinted that they liked men- or each other. then again, jj has always liked beautiful people and pope is certainly that.

sadness because you and pope had literally just kissed. maybe you were naive to think a simple kiss meant something more to the boy, but it was pope, you don't think there's a mean bone in his body. then again you’ve always been too much of a romantic, too blinded to really see what’s in front of you. blinded by your want and need to be loved that perhaps you create situations in your mind that you interpret as reality? maybe you need to contact your therapist again. you're sounding even more delusional than before.

lastly, you feel jealousy. the angry green monster rumbling around in your tummy, making its way up your throat. you’re not sure what exactly is making you jealous because the image of the two boys kissing is surely confusing. are you jealous because pope is kissing another person who isn’t you? a part of you is jealous because he’s kissing jj. or maybe it’s that jj is kissing pope or that maybe they’re kissing eachother and they're not kissing you? you're not sure at this point. dear diary jealousy is a disease babes, and you are infected.

you must have made a noise because next thing you know, the two boys are pulling apart, a string of spit still connecting them and for a second your love rattled brain is jealous of it. the spit that is, because deep down you’ve always known that you wanted them both… to be the one to connect them. you feel slightly crazy being jealous of spit.

jjs face goes beat red and then flushes pale, like a ghost. he looks terrified and like he might vomit all over the floor in a second.

“grace!” popes panicked voice reaches your ears but they’re still kind of ringing from the shock of seeing your supposedly straight best friends kiss.

in your heartbroken haze you wonder if you're being a bad ally right now. you love the gays you swear! you just never pictured pope and jj as being a part of the gays ™.

you clear your throat, “jb and kie are waiting for us downstairs. we were going out on the boat today, remember?”

you try and say that as gently as possible because jj still looks like he’s going to pass out and pope isn’t much better.

popes hands are shaking as he reaches for you and a part of you wants to pull away but you’re not mean. you’ve never been mean so even if your feelings are hurt you’ll always put your best friends feelings above your own. and it looks like pope needs to touch you. maybe to hold your hand and reassure him you’re really standing there, witnessing something that you probably shouldn’t have.

so many emotions flicker through popes eyes. you can’t really see his blush but you’re sure if you touch his face it would be hotter than the sun.

pope grabs your hands in his shaking ones. you can feel how clammy they are and you hazard a look back to jj who has yet to even move. you’re a little concerned he’s gone into shock.

you let out a soft sigh and smile at the boys, a smile that is mostly genuine.

you squeeze popes hand and make eye contact with the panicked blonde boy on the bed.

“it’s ok jj. i won’t say anything if you don’t want me to.” you speak kindly, as if you’re talking to a scared feral cat.

you only see jj swallow hard. “for what it’s worth, i understand the appeal... wanting to kiss pope and all.” you tease hoping to cut the obvious tension in the room. you feel like you're the one choking now.

jj and pope both let out huffs like they’re afraid to laugh but also relieved you’re not upset.

“you’re not mad?” jj croaks like he still has a frog lodged in his throat. he looks at you with soft wonder, like you’re the best thing in his life. his stare makes your tummy flutter.

“of course not. you guys are my best friends. i only ever want you to be happy!” you reply honestly. jj deserves happiness after the shit life he’s been dealt. he deserves good things and if you have to set aside your feelings in order for him to have good things then by golly you’ll do that.

“grace, about yesterday-“ pope starts off,

“don’t worry buddy, already forgotten.” you cut him off. hopefully saving him the strife of having to apologize to you about the kiss and saving you the embarrassment of him telling you he regrets your kiss. you don't think you could survive hearing that out loud.

you march over to jj still holding popes hand, effectively dragging the boy with you. you throw your arms tightly around jjs neck and after a heartbeat, jj returns your hug. you move your head to look at pope and nod at him, encouraging him to join the hug.

“now c’mon. you know how pissy jb gets when he’s made to wait” you giggle.

you lead the boys out of popes room and home and into the twinkie without giving them an option of saying no.

“finally! i thought y’all died or something. what took so long” john b huffs in exasperation.

“my fault jb!” you quickly chirp so the boys don’t have to panic and think of a lie “pope showed me the new book he got and it’s my favourite and i starting gushing and you know me i can’t shut up and… well i forgot why i went up to get them in the first place” you giggle with a sheepish smile.

“you’re so lucky you’re cute, grace” kie laughs teasingly.

you see pope and jj making eye contact. you have a feeling you might need to play therapist for them soon. pope doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings without beating around the bush and well, jjs favourite thing to do is deny deny deny.

actually, that’s exactly what you’re gonna do too! deny you have feelings for pope. deny you have feelings for jj. deny you ever saw them kiss and deny that them kissing only upset you because you weren’t a part of it. deny that a part of you enjoyed it. deny that your feelings matter in this situation and deny that if given the chance, you’d love to be in between a beautiful jj maybank and pope heyward sandwich.

yep, deny deny deny. this is gonna be a long freaking summer.

[starsandgutters]

ok, look, give me a fake dating with kevaaron and my life will be YOURS. (Please)

okay, LISTEN- 😭

It’s actually a travesty I haven’t written this already considering it’s like my fave trope ever. Like I want to read the fake dating KevAaron fic I would write too fr LMAO

I actually !! Have !! A loose !! Concept !! For one !! But I haven’t written anything yet so I cannot offer you an excerpt for WIP Wed 😔 I can give the overview tho

Set when Aaron’s in med school/maybe his residency, and Kevin is playing pro.

Also welcome to the SALU (Shannen’s Aaron’s Literary Universe) where a Frequent Fixture is now his hugely queer biology study/friend group that Katelyn dragged him into. Like, as much as I am a big believer in Aaron & Seth & Matt being bros if given the chance, the unfortunate reality of the situation is Seth’s being deceased before they made amends makes that quite difficult in canon settings. And Aaron is just too much of a skeptic to be cracking the ouija out. Now with Matt, I think they did get on really well when they were roomies, but their lives head in separate directions after college. So. I want Aaron to have friends. That are not connected to his family. And I use OCs very sparingly as I know the reason people come to fanfic is for familiarity and characters they already know/love, but Bio Bunch™️ were well received and consequently I will be recycling them forever thanks (Aaron dated nurse Dylan in my sapphic WIP, Miles’ family adopted Jean and Elodie in my KevNeil AU so now he’s Jean’s lil brother, like literally they’re my standby bonus characters now)

All this to say. Aaron very much appreciates having friends. He was not very good at making them when he was little and going through the worst of Tilda’s abuse, and his teens were lost to a haze of drugs and pain where he had people he would speak to at school/on the team, but no one he was really friends with. Then he gets a brother! But oh no. Andrew doesn’t want him to have friends either and also Aaron kind of feels like he hates him so he’s still alone ☹️ - so to finally be at a point in his life where he has a close knit group of friends, people who actually like him and want to spend time with him for some reason!, it means a lot to him. He would not want to risk damaging those friendships. Especially because he’s not sure how to make new ones, he kind of just absorbed these ones via osmosis through Katelyn.

Which is why he panics when Dylan asks him out.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” he had asked, and Aaron, thinking nothing of it, had said: “No.” Because he doesn’t. He hasn’t dated anyone since Katelyn. Like, he’s been on his med school GRIND, y’know? Who has the time. And who can compare to her anyway?

“Would you maybe like to go out with me sometime?” Dylan then said, and listen, it’s not like Aaron is proud of what he did, but he panicked. He saw his friendless future flash in front of his eyes because he hurt Dylan’s feelings and it’s all awkward between them now and Aaron ends up iced out because he wrecked the vibe, and he panicked!!!

“Oh. Uh. I have a boyfriend though.”

And why the fuck did he even say that what the fuck what the fuck?!

But y’know it worked because Dylan got a sad little smile but nodded and said “lucky guy” and Aaron was like PHEW! Y’know, bullet DODGED! Except somehow this gets around their group, because wow one thing about having friends is apparently you’re not allowed secrets 🙄 (not that his relationship would usually be a secret but considering it is NONEXISTENT he would have appreciated people NOT KNOWING)

Of course Katelyn is on him like a rash because when has she ever let him get away with anything ever there is no peace in this world for him as long as they share space (he loves her more than anything). Immediately quizzing him on WHO he could be dating, because she knows he doesn’t really talk to anyone outside their friend group (because she knows everything about him shit how is he going to lie to her), and she is DYING to know who he has been hiding! (Like shit Kate me too guess we’re gonna find out together)

Consequently the panic continues as he speed skims through his mental catalogue of all the people he has ever actually communicated with who are not A) his family or B) already in committed relationships. And, listen, ok, here’s the thing. There are just not an awful lot of people in Aaron’s life who fit the cross reference of those categories. Really the only person he can think of is Kevin, and then he’s blurting out his name before the consequences of that action occur to him (🦋🦋🦋) because Katelyn KNOWS Kevin so there really should have been a C) someone Katelyn doesn’t know (though on reflection Aaron’s search results would have thrown up entirely blank with this addition)

“Aw, you always did have a crush on him.”

“What are you talking about?” No, because what is she talking about??? “No I didn’t.”

“You’re dating him now, why are you getting so defensive?”

He’s not getting defensive. He just thinks it’s an absolutely insane implication to suggest he has or ever will have feelings for Kevin Day. Except he can’t say that. Since that’s his fictional boyfriend now. Fictional on the boyfriend part. Kevin Day is unfortunately very real. A fact that has plagued Aaron’s existence ever since Wymack first brought that broken stray back to PSU.

Enter Kevin, truly baffled by this entire situation.

“Why didn’t you just tell him you’re not interested in guys?”

“Well, Katelyn knows I’m bi, so I couldn’t say that. Maybe he asked her first. Or she might mention it if it comes up.”

“Wait, you’re bi? Since when?”

“Since birth probably, can we focus on the actual issue at hand here.”

But like. This is Aaron. Aaron has never particularly been one to mince words. Kevin doesn’t know why he doesn’t just tell Dylan he’s not into him. Kevin’s been on the receiving end of Aaron’s attitude and bad manners more than often enough. 🤨 But after the truly painful and pitiful display of Extremely Emotionally Constipated Asshole Aaron Minyard trying to explain his newfound value for the Powers of Friendship, Kevin eventually agrees to be his fake date to a party with his friends. Like, whatever. It’s a small event with some med students, it’s not like they even have to be overly affectionate, or that this will get out anywhere. Then they can use Kevin’s busy work schedule as a reason he’s never around, and after a few months Aaron will just pretend they broke up. Easy.

Except photos get leaked to the media, outing Kevin. Instead of the career suicide he expects, he actually gets positive feedback. His PR rep encourages him to bring Aaron to a charity gala for a children’s mental health charity, thinking it could be positive rep for the kids to see a happy older queer couple as queer kids have higher rates of mental health issues. The team are doing some outreach with the actual kids before the gala - going down to play some games with them - Kevin doesn’t expect Aaron to come to this. He can just show up to the event, y’know, it’s basically just a free night out. They’ll just postpone their fake break up another couple of months.

But Aaron is like, uhm, excuse me. Did you even think to ask if I would want to come along to meet the kids? You know I’m going into peds, right? I’d much rather come hang out with the kids than have to rub shoulders with your snotty famous rich friends all night. Of course I’m coming to both of them.

So Aaron does come. Where Kevin is awkward and fumbling and never quite sure of the right thing to say (he never interacted with kids even when he was one???), Aaron is a natural. He’s excellent with them. They all love him within the first ten minutes, and it’s weird, because who is this? This is not an Aaron that Kevin knows. This is not a side of him he’s ever seen at school or around their family. It’s making Kevin feel all weird inside. In SOFT and GUSHY ways.

So they go to the Gala and both get a little tipsy, and whoops. Of course everyone thinks they’re a couple, so they’ve been given a room with one bed (because one bed trope supremacy ALSO 🙏🏻). Kevin thinks Aaron’s gonna be mad or upset, but Aaron’s giggly as he undresses. Which. Oh. Okay. Usually Aaron had weird hang ups about changing outside of the locker rooms. But now he’s. Shirtless. And his body has changed since college. Obviously. He doesn’t spend five days a week training anymore. He’s still kept some of his muscle in his arms and shoulders, and his legs have always been naturally strong, but he’s gotten a bit softer. Which Kevin realises he actually quite likes. And. Oh. Shit. Okay. He might actually be a bit attracted to Aaron. But. That’s fine. That won’t be a problem, right?

Right? 😐

ANYWAY THAT’S ALL I GOT FOR NOW. I simply can’t start another WIP until I finish some of the ones I got running. Like it would be fine if I could write things of a MODERATE length but I’ve never been chill about anything ever in my life and it’s too late to start now so I write excessively and I just. Cannot risk not finishing things by starting something else.

BUT SOME DAY. MAYBE. PROBABLY.

[spro-o]

okay, so,,, i got back to reading 4kota, and i have so many thoughts of literally every nature

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR 4KOTA, NATURALLY!

okay so, allow me to rant a lil

bro why the actual fuck is Arthur just magical hitler now?? 😭 like hello???? it genuinely makes me really sad because he was such a sweet and likable character for most of 7ds and now he wants to create an ethnostate for humans only???? it just breaks my heart, man

SAME WITH JERICHO LIKE HELLO? QUEEN, YOURE BETTER THAN THIS. genuinely tho- nakaba try not to make all your characters pedos challenge (impossible). there are literally so many other ways in which Jericho could have ended up in a similar situation, but nakaba really just chose pedophilia? it couldve been something along the same lines just without the romantic attraction!! a family bond can be just as strong- and it couldve been something like her losing Lancelot or in some other way letting him down, and then thinking that he despises her and holds onto that grudge (which, judging his character it wouldve probably been a small spat that he got over) - but maybe Jericho didnt understand that, or wasnt ready to face him, expecting him to be livid - so she asked for an alternative reality where that didnt happen and they got along great as sister/brother or master/trainee. i wouldnt put Jericho past being so stubborn that she wouldnt believe when Lance would say that he forgave her, and then boom!! same set-up, just without the nasty pedophilia!!

ON THE NOTE OF WHICH- (theres so much of that garbage in nakaba's writing, fucks sake) - i genuinely hate the whole thing happening with Guinevere. the whole non-consensual kiss from a 12 year old to a 16 year old (ewwwww) is one thing, but then when Lance is reflecting on that interaction and he SMILES????

you have no idea how much this panel killed me to see. Lancelot youre better than this,,,, 4 years is not a big age difference when youre in your 30's, but when youre 16???? please,,,, cmon now,,,

speaking of whommmmm~~ ,,, I ADORE LANCELOT!! SO MUCH!! this is to be expected considering i love Ban, bUT- hes genuinely just such a cool and wonderful character that has some sense in him. i especially loved those panels where he was like jumping around to get himself hyped up cuz like!! Ban does that!!!! i love,,,,

elizabeth (looking gorge btw, i love that for her) is unfortunately reduced to an object of fondling yet again 😔 literally like the second panel that shes in and shes getting grabbed and groped by Meliodas?? it just feels mad disrespectful to her really deep character that she has such a minor role when you ignore her being sexualised by Mel (in reality nakaba, but i digest)

i love that panel where Anne tells Isolde about what chastity actually is hbghjnhbjh

I FEEL SO BAD FOR NASIENS WHEN PERCY IS ALL UP IN ANNES BOOBS. genuinely- the dropped bag, and all of he blushing that happened before it during their interactions,,,, that shit broke my heart, man

nakaba try not to draw teenagers naked challenge (impossible) (chapter 86 cover)

this is literally like the cutest fucking thing ever????? i want more calm, slice of life stuff for our skrunglies. they deserve a break

someone, please, stop all this shit going on with Guinevere (writing this while reading chp 87) – I really despise the fact that nakaba has to make like literally all of the relationships either look like they have a massive age gap (Ban and Elaine), or actually have a fucking criminal age gap (Mel and Ellie). it really is not that difficult to just write a relationship where there is a <2 year age gap, did you know that, nakaba?? crazy, I know (deadass, while I don’t ship them, it would at least be bearable if she was also like 15-16, just not 12 TT)

chion is such a fucking pain in the ass oh mah gahhhhhh

I love Gawain’s lesbian antics <3

At this point, though I love seeing the characters interact in more casua circumstances, id rather have more fight scenes than god awful, shoe-horned romances between any two characters of the opposite gender (exceptions being Nasiens and Gawain, my sillies <3)

okay,,, thats it for now, but do expect more at some point or another huiyuvghbijhb

[spideyjimin]

I read the ask where someone didn't want OC to get preggo. You said that 'there's an eventuality that jk isn't the father'

Hehe if that becomes true wouldn't it be amaziiinggg? Even OC should name her child Arya.🤭😈

It'd be the perfect revenge, hehe. Imagine years after JK seeing OC with a cutest baby in the world, and he keeps wondering who might be the father only for him to hear OC call her baby Arya. And he should keep on wondering about the father of the baby and OC's husband for the rest of his life.

I know I'm being petty.😔

Honestly, I was rooting for JK's happiness in 'Wrong time' only to regret it after reading what he did to OC in 'right time'

Looks like JK was immature. Also, him being a jerk to OC screams (according to me), that he was immature and was being himself whenever he was with her. He loved her back then, so his blind love wanted her to cope with her sadness anyhow so that she would stay with him. Maybe that's the reason he even let the issue slide about where OC went and kissed her ex crush.

Now, since he'd become a father he put on this grown man coat and grew a wall around his heart. That could be the reason for him to even be friends with Eunji. Because if it was not, maybe he would've tried to marry Eunji for the sake of his daughter. Clearly his daughter wants both the parents together but he's strong on his side about not marrying for the sake of it.

Trust me, I hate JK too, but him not getting married tells me that he loves OC. Even more than his daughter. OC is the greatest love of his life, but since he is so open regarding his feelings for her. Maybe he still stays in the same age (mentally) with her even after 10 years. That could be the reason for him to take this rash decision, thinking he has a duty to take care of his daughter because she is in the world because of him.

But I can bet and say with my whole heart that he loves OC more than ANYONE, even more than his daughter.

I'm still rooting for them to get together. They really deserve to be with each other. But he should definitely apologize and do everything for her to forgive his immature cute dumbest ass.

I tried not to hate him and tried to understand things from his side as much as I could. I don't know how much is true in my ask according to you. But this is what I understood when I read the ff again.

Oops, sorry for the long ask. It may look like I'm competing with that anon who sent a long ask😂 but I'm not.😅

hi angel ✨ thanks a lot for this ask & for telling me your point of view on all this situation between oc and jk. there's some truth in it 😊

jk is very immature when it comes to heart matters. he doesn't know how to deal with relationships, mostly because he was heartbroken 10 years ago but also because he doesn't know how to love. the proof is that he was a fuckboy before & after oc. that fuckboy attitude led to having Arya, and thank god, he managed to have an excellent friendship with Eunji. since Arya grew up with this dynamic, she doesn't see/want her parents to be married. this is her reality and Eunji & jk being married would probably be confusing for her at first. she simply loves moments when they are all together because she loves both her parents.

jk is absolutely madly in love with oc, she's the only person he ever truly loved romantically. i wouldn't say he loves her more than Arya but he loves them differently. Arya is his daughter so he has an unconditional love for her & oc is his first love. so for me, he loves them equally but still very differently.

i find it quite nice of you to try to understand him 😊 don't apologise for the long ask, honestly, I think it was the longest of them all but I liked seeing your point of view 💛

[bittertarot]

Hiii, so sorry for responding so late and thank you so much for answering my question and your kind words! I really appreciate it. I am THE anon. The title THE anon sounds pretty important 👑, I'm not sure I want to change it , but first letter of my name and my favorite color are: A🟠.

And you're right! we haven't met in person/ messaged each other before, but I feel comfortable writing you^^.

I really enjoyed reading all the parts, I think in your case it's a very nice thing, because let's say, even if he's not physically with you, he's there for you. In my case, I'll explain a little bit more 3 years ago was my first dream with him, I feel like I know his face but at the same time he's someone I haven't met. I think he is really just a person, but from what little I know he is a protective person (especially towards me). So, in the dream with boy 1 and boy 2, in real life I liked boy 2, then in my dream boy 1 and boy 2 appeared, I feel it was a way to tell me that boy 2 was not the right person, even though in my dream I chose boy 2 in reality it didn't feel right, and I felt I should go back to boy 1. After that dream, I really stopped liking boy 2, he was a fuckboy and even though there was no way we were going to date because we didn't live in the same place, for many reasons it wasn't healthy to like him.

Let's just say that the way I see love (ride or die kind of love), it is not safe to love just anyone, so I feel that he has been protecting my way of seeing love from changing.

In the following dreams, for some reason, we don't know that we love each other, so there are always misunderstandings, in the end we end up confessing to each other and dating, I always feel strangely happy and in love, having that feeling that this is really the person I want to spend my whole life with. When I am sad I can feel a body reaching out to hug him and I can see his smile in my thoughts.

My family situation is complicated, to the point that on Saturday I was crying a lot and I really couldn't stop (I went to a park to try to calm down) so the first thing that came to my mind was "If you call him he will come for you" and I really wanted to do it, but I repeat, I am sure he is someone I have not met yet, so I started to cry even harder because something inside me told me that if I knew him, in a situation like this he would come for me. Even if the connection is not as strong as yours, I always manage to get answers for example: on Saturday I was asking questions in my head of "If my fs was here would he come for me?" Or "Does he even going to love me?" And the wind was starting to blow really hard, but in a warm way... (If that makes sense).

In my case, I'm a little freaked out that my fs is not the person I imagined and that I'm just idealizing him.

Now that was a lot of blah blah blah on my part. Back to the club, maybe it would be best to avoid not getting 100% drunk and the ONS situation, in case you can't avoid your fate and end up in a club, at least it would be nice if it was in a club but not in an awkward situation. I would offer to be your club friend, but my financial situation is meh. 😅

However, I won't forget the hint because my memory is good, anyway, random update from your FS!? He's trying to say you are taken and you don't even know each other yet, it's really cheeky and I was thinking of flirting with you 😔 (not true, but im in love with your answers 😁).

Truly from the bottom of my heart I wish you lots of happiness, health and everything nice Freya! <33

Thank you for your sweet answers. I'm sorry because now I was the one who made it too long. >.<

Hihi!! It's no problem at all, thank you for taking the time to respond <3 You and everyone else within this small little community are super important to me, so I'm glad that title helped you to feel that way, A! Orange is such a nice colour, warm and comforting. It makes me think of Autumn/Fall! I'm glad you also feel the same and that I'm not just losing my mind LMAO I'm glad you enjoyed reading all the parts, it was fun to discuss and talk about! I largely stick to tarot and tended to avoid talking about personal experiences + dreams, so this is a nice change of pace! Sometimes I wish he'd leave me alone, he teases me so much for everything, too. Sosososo annoying !! Anyways, that feeling of familiarity is something I got with my FS, even though I couldn't see his face, I still felt this weird sense of comfort and familiarity with him. Aww, protective guys are cute (as long as they're not toxic, possessive, hurting you, etc). Honestly, in this case, I'd say follow your heart but take your head with you. If you feel like boy 2 would be the wrong choice, then that's the right answer. As long as you're happy, that's all the matters !! That's a very interesting way to view love. I don't really know what actual love feels like, how I'm supposed to view it or how I actually view it, as sad as that may sound. If I'd have to guess, I'd say it's the feeling of missing someone no matter how much time you spend with them, always wanting them near you, your heart fluttering and stomach aching from laughter after a small conversation with them about the little things. It's really sweet how you can see/feel that, it makes the connection feel more special! I'm really sorry to hear about things at home, I hope you're feeling better at the moment. It's okay to cry and let it out, alright? Even though you haven't met him, the connection is still so strong and I think that's absolutely beautiful. The wind situation is quite funny, I got that this morning when getting the bus, too!! I asked him questions with yes or no's, the wind was already strong due to a storm hitting the UK, but when he responded, the wind felt warmer instead of freezing cold. My connection with him isn't as strong as you'd think, really. It's mainly me telling him to leave, to stop whining to me like a kid, to stop clinging to me. He's currently a bit... mad at me, to say the least. This morning after the wind situation, I was telling him to stop making me feel so delusional, that he isn't real, that this is just my imagination, etc. He's been pouting all day, still clinging to me and hugging me but whenever I say something to him he goes "Well, why should I respond when you clearly don't think I'm your future husband, hmph!" What a whiny kid.. sigh. Worst part is that he's older than me by more than 5 years. I don't think you're idealizing him, I feel like he is your FS tbh but I can't be 100% certain since the future, your choices, etc can impact certain things. If his energy pops up again, I recommend don't doing what I did, or else he might become a whiny piece of shit. Oh, I'm absolutely gonna avoid drinking too much at clubs. Sticking to just plain beer and maybe cider or whisky if we're feeling a little wild. No vodka and absolutely no gin! If it's meant to be and fated, the universe will fix that situation and help us meet together. I'll leave it to divine timing, but I would love to go clubbing with you <3 Trust me, little bastard is very cheeky. His fuckboy reputation really shows in these sorts of situations! We don't even know each otherrr, why is he ruining my chances of dating other people??? BAHAHA, thank youu! Same goes to you, I really appreciate it!! We'll work hard and make our dreams come true, we can do this! I may post some stuff relating to business/financial advice + tips, nothing related to my own business, though! It's no problem at all, this wasn't long and it was fun to read! I hope to speak to you again soon <3

[dimpledpran]

Bad Buddy Episode 11 rant. Let’s go.

Honestly after that preview, I’ve kinda forgotten 3/4 of the episode. All I rmb now is the ep12 preview (WHICH I HATE), and the problems with the subs. It was a great episode, but it’s just a tad bit tainted now. 😔 Also way too many tears in one episode. We did get a mixture of happy, sad, relieved, worried tears, but still nooooo.

1) Was totally not expecting a runaway situation. I genuinely thought it was a tiny getaway to escape the current stress. Like a “let’s have this weekend just for ourselves before we get back and tackle our parent’s drama”. So that threw me off. But either way I’m glad they got the chance to be themselves and not worry about things for a tiny bit.

2) Was totally not expecting to be judged for my bubble tea and food deliveries. I am trying to be more conscious though. Even got a reusable bubble tea mug and straw for work!

3) Pran finally had his love declaration. The way he shows love to Pat has always been (significant but) tiny whispers, so the fact that he actually did something so loud, I LOVE IT!!

4) I’m not sure if they have some hidden scenes from this ep that will only be shown next week, but I just wished Pran was a bit more honest with Pat. He clearly was missing his mum and was more inclined to go back than Pat was. And I think Pat also knew that and was ready to accept it and not judge him for it. So it is disheartening to see that he did the same with Pat, as what he always does. He hid his emotions and thoughts and just went along with Pat’s plan. Because that’s what he always has been told to do, follow what his mum says. For a couple that have had such open communication so far, I was sad to see that happen in this episode. This was the moment the communication was crucial. Because they are totally on different pages and there is so much hanging on the line.

5) I mean they kept calling it their honeymoon, so we all knew that it was going to happen right?? They made it so soft, with Pran being the creepy person who stares at their partner sleep. (Was not expecting that) And then the panic when Pat wakes up alone and goes to find Pran… The soft smile Pran gives and Pat’s teary eyes when he has that realization, that wake up call when reality hits, it was brutal.

6) I JUST WISH THAT WHEN PRAN WENT UP TO THAT STAGE TO PLAY HIS SONG, IT MEANT THAT HE MADE HIS CHOICE! It felt like he has always stayed away from playing the guitar because in his mind that was the reason he was sent away. The guitar reminds him of his mum’s disapproval and how he was upheaved from the life he knew and thrown into a new place. So the fact that he finished the song and readily went to play it, I thought he was choosing Pat, he was choosing himself and his dreams and his passion. SO WHY DID WE HAVE ALL THAT EP12 PREVIEW?? Also, with the whole junior and his mum parallel, what was the point? Please tell me we are missing a puzzle piece? Tell me that there was a scene that we were not shown, that will appear in the next episode. Tell me that it made Pran realise that his mum (at the end of the day) has his interest at heart and so will finish his uni education and then set off to live his truth.

7) WE GOT INKPHA AND WAIKORN?!?! No complaints, but for the love of god PatPran has to have a happy ending!! Otherwise nothing else matters.

8) The ending of ep11 was honestly so good! I was watching it with my fingers covering my mouth and just shaking in my bed. That montage of what could have been was so heartwarming. And of course my heart just plunged down from 1000 to -10000 in a split second when we got to the preview.

I’m just really hoping that Ep 12 goes in either one of two ways. Firstly we get something like ATOTS where they both mutually agree to take a break while they finish their education, with the full intention of getting back together after graduating when they have more freedom and are able to support themselves. Or they just get really better at hiding their relationship. I will not be accepting any other ending. Even if they decide to go down a season 2 route, please have a happy resolution.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

💟 Ngl these asks you and 🌫 have about Hadrian are 😫😫 I just went through and read them..

Jean would so do that he’d be so petty😭 I’m definitely scared for how Tullia and Mikasa would react.. And that is so cute omg, when I read it I figured Kiran had to be based off someone you knew because it just felt too real😭 Btw who do you think is the older sibling, me or my sis? I’m sure it’s quite obvious lol but I wanna see what you think😁

I’m not even mad at Cordelia for going for Colt idk if it’s because Y/N has someone else too or what but I feel like Cordelia is just doing it innocently. Like it’s normal for her to have a crush on the same guy and if she has what seems like an opportunity then ofc she would take it?

And I know the other two anons incl my sis are probably saying the same thing but I’m sad that Y/N’s entering her villain arc😭 Maybe she won’t be seen as a villain but it’s always difficult to read someone who’s morals challenge ours, I know I won’t agree with Y/N so it’s gonna make me sad to see how she changed 😔

hadrian is so 😩 for sure

JEAN IS SO FUNNY i love writing him as like a slightly inconveniencing menace. he’d never actively try to harm anyone, he’s just too good for that, but he thinks he’s absolutely EVIL for doing the most basic things 😭 very much dr doofenshmirtz from phineas and ferb vibes. but mikasa and tullia…ig you’ll have to wait for their reactions! they might not be what you’re expecting 😏 i feel like people always write siblings oddly, like they either hate or love each other way too much when neither is accurate. so i just drew from my own experiences and that’s how we ended up w kiran, who thinks his sister is the biggest idiot ever but he still would do anything for her because they’re family.

hmm i think that you are the older one! but i could be wrong hahah don’t bully me if i’m off 😔✋🏼

see and nobody even knows y/n likes colt, INCLUDING y/n! like cordelia sees nothing wrong with it because as far as she knows nobody else is into him. and ofc colt loves y/n but to him, she’s either dead or she’s chosen friedrich, both of which means that he’s clear to be with cordelia. plus he was already considering being with cordelia before and y/n didn’t really object so he thought he had her approval 🤷🏽‍♀️ neither of them really have bad intentions it’s just a weird situation where everyone’s going to end up just. except for friedrich he’s just chilling 😭 he definitely knows everything and is watching it play out like a reality tv show 😩 because on the one hand he loves y/n but on the other he’s made his peace with just being whatever she needs from him and the entire situation is so funny to him that he doesn’t even care

y/n has def changed and will continue to do so which sucks but at the same time i feel like it makes sense?? she’s growing up in a war and trading her childhood to be a soldier which will negatively impact her a ton. but i agree it sucks to see her like this esp because we’ve seen how she was when things were good and she was happy 💔

[call-me-mako]

Naur fr because this shit was so painfully obvious. A lot of people brushed off his previous offenses because they were “so old” or there was “no solid evidence” but the fact that he was even making a game of this nature just goes to show that he never did change, just tried to hide or excuse his behavior.

His blog post is disgusting, he doesn’t really take any accountability despite claiming to. He downplays the situation (kinda pulling a Colleen) by making it seem like he was just making a few inappropriate jokes and being emotionally vulnerable around kids when in reality he was very openly flirting with the victim and even brainwashed her into thinking she’s not a victim at all… It’s truly sad.

But of course he donates to charity to try and “make up for it,” as though you can put a price on a terrible experience that a child will carry with them for the rest of their life.

Kinda reminds me of when Scott Cawthon got called out for being a massive Trumpie and then pulled the “I sowwy gay people 🥺 I will donate to da twevor pwoject and weave you guys awone 😔” as though that fixes any of the damage he’s done by supporting awful republicans

But I digress.

Fuck YandereDev, he’s always been a piece of human garbage and I’m honestly kinda angry at the people who defended him or turned a blind eye to him for so long, especially big YouTubers who only very recently turned away from the game. Markiplier dropped that game so fast, not that he was really around for the controversy but if he can do it then the others should have much, much sooner. On one hand I can’t blame them (or the voice actors getting paid) for getting that bag, but on the other I can’t believe THIS is what it took.

YanSim still holds a weird nostalgic place in my heart, but I genuinely hope this project dies and never sees the light of day. If it means no more children will be hurt, then I’d be happy to see it burn to the damn ground. It’s been almost a decade already, let that shit die.

wait….people are surprised?? people are surprised yanderedev is a pedophile? holy shit where do i even begin with everything he’s done over the past 6 years of yanderesim’s development?

there is no way you’d look past the sexualization of japanese high school girls in yandere simulator(in which he tried so hard to say they’re 18 even though they’re wearing the wrong uniform). he did a poll asking his fans if he should add a inventory ui where ayano would open up her skirt to check all her supplies, had the audacity to do another poll to ask if his fans want it uncensored or not: and when his fans said “no, please censor it” he made a whole essay on how it was necessary???

there were also other disgusting “hot takes” he made that clearly points out he’s a pedophile: like the time he argued that there should be a sex license instead of the age of consent??? what the FUCK?

AND YOU GUYS ARE TELLING ME YOU’RE SURPRISED???

[eleanor-bradstreet]

I come to atone for my sins 😔 Let me preface with my newly crafted reply, which I anticipate may become my catchphrase: I’m sorry I hurt you, but I’m glad you enjoyed it. That is, assuming you enjoyed it in our uniquely twisted whumpy way. 

Reading your notes made me realize that this story and Number Ten, my ‘big sad’ fics as I’ll call them, were written under similar conditions. Once the idea for them took hold, all of the imagery played out in my mind like a movie and there was an unavoidable compulsion to just pour them out. It was like I didn’t have to think - they just came forth and wrote themselves in a couple hours each. A kind of ‘automatic writing’ if you want to think of it like that. Idk what that says about me - that a faucet of dark feelings can be so quickly and powerfully turned on in my brain - but I am beyond grateful that you are willing to engage with whatever comes out and give such thoughtful and poignant feedback. 💙

Some notes on your notes:

The shovel. I stunned myself when I typed this out. “This is some twisted shit,” I thought. Idk where it came from (again, automatic writing) but I did feel it perfectly symbolized the tragedy of the situation. That you have to carry the weight of practicality side by side with the heartbreaking reality of what you are called upon to do. They could have pretended they were just walking through the fields, dissociating from what they were headed toward, but not with that shovel in hand, a glaring reminder of what it would be used for.

The piano and Ben’s unfailing emotional labor. I couldn’t imagine him any other way than approaching death fearlessly, only concerned for his loved one(s) and always able to find beauty hidden beneath the grime, even in the darkest timeline, in these darkest moments, at the very end of his life while he is in pain. That’s just pure Benedict. He is beauty, joy and comfort embodied, as you said about his graceful fingers. For the song, it was an easy choice for me (a big fan of Billie Holiday and old jazz). It’s romantic but has such a melancholic slowness and longing to it. The lyrics fit the scenario too well: Ben could be communicating how he equates happy memories of the bygone world with his love for Reader. That when he looks at her, he feels the joy of simpler times, and she is his reminder of everything light and gay. He could be trying to call her back to those happy memories with his song, to try and pretend they have a few more minutes back in the world as it should be, before they are parted. But for Reader, she is of course thinking of how she is going to miss him soon, to look around at a world and have everything remind her of him once he is gone. “Being forced to think about missing him while he’s still sitting next to you is demented.” I agree and thank you for saying so. 💙 But the song also has a third meaning (see below).

 Guh, you wrote your own alternate ending to this and it is just perfection 🤌  There were quite a few ways things could have gone, and I don’t know that I would have done what Reader did. Honestly, I love your ending so much, I want to adopt it as what I would have done too. 🥹 But Reader is of a different mind, and once I decided she couldn’t bring herself to shoot living Ben, then she couldn’t bring herself to shoot ZomBen either. One reader insisted Ben should have taken himself out once Reader failed to do so. This would have been the responsible thing to do for the settlement and the world, but he would never do that because he knows how it would traumatize Reader. I also initially wrote Reader toying with the idea of ending herself after he turned, but that felt unbalanced somehow - to leave him in that undead state and take herself to another plane entirely. That’s when I decided to end with Reader’s odd (and potentially misplaced) sense of hope, which ties the story back to the song. Reader is hoping - with no evidence - that an undead existence will have some kind of consciousness. A state where they may both be aware of and connected to each other, reunited in infected undeath. That’s what Reader is desperate for, to try and find him through the fog of this mysterious contagion, because being with him there is still a way of being with him. So she will still be seeing him, tied together in the barn, their milky eyes will be watching every lovely summer’s day and every moonlit night, maybe with and maybe without conscious recognition of one another - who’s to say?

I will take your inclusion of the lovely MCR gif as a tiny nod that you may not hate me forever after subjecting you to this. 😉

So equal parts ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I love you’ again. I cherish every ‘fuck you’ you flung my way, and every name you called me. I will always wear my ‘emotional terrorist’ badge with pride ☺️ Weird and twisted as it is, I am incredibly proud of this one and your reactions are an immense part of that, so I cannot thank you enough. 🫶

Ok, enough sad shit. I’m going to go work on my notes about your sensational smut. 😜

I’ll Be Seeing You (Benedict Bridgerton x Reader)

Benedict Bridgerton x gn!Reader A modern zombie AU Rated/warnings: 18+, heavy angst, whump, gun use, slight gore, discussion of death and killing, zombie-fication Word count: 3.1k

Summary: After years surviving in a post-apocalyptic zombie landscape, you and Benedict find that your luck has run out. A sad zombie love story.

Author’s Note: Once again, a Discord joke gone awry becomes something I compulsively turn around and actually write. Is this even remotely related to Bridgerton? No. You can easily insert any man you fancy into this story. It’s just that Benedict is my muse, so here we are. For full effect, I recommend listening to the song after reading.

“Darling, it’s alright. You know this is the only way. It’s alright.” His tone was so calm, as if he were teaching you to drive a stick shift, not kneeling before you with your gun pressed to his forehead. 

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