#this is so funny cause last time everyone was GAY

[some-zer0]

It took me half a year and two relistens but I finally finished timestamping this! I've also added some annotations cause this took up a decent chunk of my life and I think I deserve to give my little comments as a treat (and also cause I found some fun stuff in the transcripts while looking for these). Outtakes aren't in the transcripts, so all of those were a special little hell for me to find.

Episode names with a * next to them mean that they're from that episode's outtakes.

Start-00:22 (RQG 81 - Breakfast with Dessert)

This soundclip lowkey drove me insane. I knew that it was from the group's journey across Newton's office, but Hamid's "I don't recognize this, which opera's it from?" is miswritten in the transcript so cntrl-f couldn't find it and everyone's singing is literally written out as "do do do do do" so cntrl-f was useless for that too. I ended up just listening to those couple of episodes on 2x speed until I found this clip...

00:22-00:26 (RQG 214 - Guivres)

00:26-00:39 (RQG 41 - Chariots and Catacombs)

00:39-00:43 (RQG 34 - Le Gai Paris!)

00:43-00:57 (RQG 106 - Special Delivery)

00:57-01:03 (RQG 211 - The Writer's Tale)

01:03-01:05 (RQG 136 - Trouble at the Top*)

They're talking about fanart someone did of Grizzop where they 1) made him sexy (of course) and 2) gave him Ben's hair (why). I'm not sure if this is the exact fanart they were referencing here, but it is indeed cursed

01:05-01:12 (RQG 35 - The Exposition Box)

01:12-01:18 (RQG 38 - Brutor Is...)

01:18-01:20 (RQG 110 - Cracking Up)

01:20-01:27 (RQG Into the Wilds pt. 2)

They're talking about Arnold Schwarzenegger

01:27-01:44 (RQG 41 - Chariots and Catacombs)

01:44-01:46 (RQG 74 - Upstairs Downstairs)

01:46-01:48 (RQG 137 - Lightning Round*)

Ben uses his Elias voice for crimes

01:48-02:11 (RQG 153 - The Chatter Box)

02:11-02:16 (RQG 93 - The Curse!!!)

Ben's "A what?" sounded so much like his Zolf voice that I kept going through the Paris arc trying to find this clip, only to realize during a relisten that it was an entirely different arc that didn't even have Zolf in it. Also, the number of exclamation marks in the title is different between the episode listing on Spotify and the transcript header

02:16-02:21 (RQG 34 - Le Gai Paris!)

02:21-02:23 (RQG 136 - Trouble at the Top)

02:23-02:45 (RQG 48 - Ctrl Alt Destroy!*)

02:45-03:00 (RQG 110 - Cracking Up)

In between this clip and the previous pump hole one, Alex mentions that Ben's been saying "pump hole" a lot outside of recording. Why we'll never know. Also, here's the full pump hole bit from that episode

03:00-03:15 (RQG 211- The Writer's Tale)

03:15-03:19 (RQG 74 - Upstairs Downstairs)

03:19-03:27 (RQG 100 - Disappearing Act)

03:27-03:33 (RQG 214 - Guivres)

I forgot how funny the finale was

03:33-03:42 (RQG 93 - The Curse!!!)

03:42-03:45 (RQG Post-Campaign Q&A pt. 1)

This is about Grizzop

03:45-04:08 (RQG Into the Wilds pt. 3)

04:08-04:14 (RQG 41 - Chariots and Catacombs)

04:14-04:17 (RQG 93 - The Curse!!!)

04:17-04:26 (RQG 110 - Cracking Up)

This is another clip that took me absolutely forever to find. I literally ctrl-f'd "erotic" and "sexy" for every single episode and still couldn't find this until a relisten. Also, it's from a section where they're discussing what new stuff they got from leveling up, and is immediately preceded by Ben telling Bryn, "Oh, sorry - shh, shut up, it's still Ben Time!"

04:26-04:34 (RQG 106 - Special Delivery)

04:34-04:41 (RQG 46 - Theseus' Ship)

After listening to the show so many times I honestly forgot how ridiculous Mr. Ceiling's name was at first

04:41-04:44 (RQG 61 - Skyships and Harlequins)

Fun fact: Bryn's "No!" is so high-pitched that it's misattributed to Lydia in the transcripts

04:44-05:15 (RQG 110 - Cracking Up)

05:15-05:20 (RQG 212 - Final Rest)

05:20-05:41 (RQG 40 - Wheels Within Wheels)

05:41-05:54 (RQG 91 - Can't We All Just Get Along*)

05:54-06:00 (RQG 217 - Last Stand)

06:00-06:17 (RQG 123 - Plane and Simple)

06:17-06:24 (Metacast 7: Longplay)

Helen's cut-off line at the end there is, "Let's not go there because remember that time he shaved it off and we were all like, 'UGHAHUHAHUUU!'"

06:24-06:29 (RQG 28 - Not So Hard Time)

06:29-06:34 (RQG 93 - The Curse!!!)

06:34-06:38 (RQG 48 - Ctrl Alt Destroy!*)

06:38-06:50 (RQG 106 - Special Delivery)

06:50-06:57 (RQG 212 - Final Rest)

06:57-07:07 (RQG 36 - Contracts and Calculators)

07:07-07:13 (RQG 139 - Blobs, Spikes, Spiders, & Booms)

This was the last clip I found. The surprisingly high number of encounters with oozes and goos and the fact that Bryn's line doesn't really have any words that are easy for me to ctrl-f efficiently meant I just had to catch this on a relisten. Also, this is, of course, about Zolf's nudity

07:13-07:41 (RQG 141 - All the Way Down)

Here's the full clip for this (really, it just includes Bryn saying, "I bless the rains down in Africa," in his best Elias impersonation)

07:41-07:47 (RQG 110 - Cracking Up)

07:47-07:57 (RQG 209 - Shades of Red)

07:57-08:03 (RQG 218 - Erasing the Line)

08:03-08:14 (RQG 217 - Last Stand)

Helen calling Ben and Alex by their full names when she's upset with them is one of my favorite bits

08:14-End (RQG 110 - Cracking Up*)

a serious podcast.

[lokiloner]

Started Strangetown over and EVERYONE is straight

EXCEPT FOR NERVOUS AND CIRCE WHO ARE GAY AND BISEXUAL RESPECTIVELY.

Born to Strangetown.. forced to Straighttown... what the actual fuck

[stergeon]

Hey just wanted to say that your writing is soo good! Like, on many levels: conflicts, great characterizations and thought patterns, the whole show-don't-tell debacle, pacing, tension, and generally awesome wordsmithing! :) So huge thanks for sticking with it it!!

oh my gosh, thank you so much for the lovely compliments!!! really appreciate you reaching out, it means the world <3

[loulovingho]

prompt: im not gay, but my husband is.

(I loved those scenes in 911 and lonestar where they only wanted the straight white guy to work on them, so I think it would be funny happening with married, bi buck!)

“No, I don't want you touching me.”

They'd been sent on a call to a woman's residence. She had fallen in her driveway on the way to her car. From the moment they pulled up, trouble had started. She didn't want Hen touching her, wouldn't accept help from Chimney, and the second she spotted Diaz on Eddie's uniform she stopped him.

“Well, you're a straight, white man, Bobby,” Chimney said with a smile. “You wanna take the lead?”

“Wait,” Eddie put his hands on his hip, “do interracial relationships matter to you too?” he asked the woman. “Because, if so, Bobby's out.”

She looked around at everyone in a panic. “You!” she exclaimed when her eyes met Buck's. “You can do it, right?!”

“Yes, I am capable of placing a splint on your leg,” he said with no enthusiasm as Hen handed over the splint.

He bent down to get started but she held her arm out to stop him. “You're normal, right? You're not married to someone,” she glanced up at Bobby, “different, are you? Not gay or anything?”

“Oh, no ma'am, I'm not gay,” Buck assured her, before adding with a flash of his ring, “my husband is though.”

“Y- Your what?”

“My husband.”

“So you are gay?”

“Ma'am, please don't get him started,” Hen begged. “He will not shut up once he gets going.”

“There are actually some people that believe bisexuality doesn't exist,” Buck began, waving a finger to emphasize his point. The groans from the rest of the 118 didn't detour him. “It has been proven to cause mental health issues for people who identify as such, and in extreme cases-”

“Okay, okay,” Bobby interrupted, patting Buck's back a couple of times to get him to stop. “This lady is very clearly “in distress” and we should be focused on helping her.” He stared over at the woman, “If she'll let any of us.”

“Can't you call another team or something? One that isn't filled with minorities and heathens?”

“The 112?” Hen suggested.

Eddie shook his head. “All women crew today.” He looked down at the lady, “I'm guessing you wouldn't like that?”

“They're just not as capable as men,” she whined.

“143?” Chimney asked.

Buck stood back up. “With Captain Garcia?”

“No!” She yelled.

“217?” Eddie offered.

Buck perked up at that. He smiled at the lady on the ground. “You'd get to meet my husband!” he exclaimed. “He's working ground ops today. I could call him, give him a heads up?” He bent back down to the woman's level. “He is the gay one though.”

The woman groaned before pushing herself up and grabbing her purse, jerking away at Buck's attempt to help. “You know what? I'm just gonna take myself to the hospital,” she said as she started to hobble away.

“Say hello to Dr. Cohen for us,” Bobby said, sending her off with a wave. She let out one more angry yelp before getting into her car and slamming the door.

*****

Tommy had gotten home about an hour before Buck, already dressed in a white button down shirt tucked into black dress pants for dinner reservations they had that night.

When he heard the sounds of Buck's car door shutting, he headed to the front door and opened it, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Hey you,” he said with a smile.

Buck smiled back, dropping his duffel the second he reached the porch. He immediately wrapped himself around Tommy, surprising him with a kiss that elicited a moan from him.

“I got to call you my husband at work today,” Buck explained between kisses as Tommy gripped his waist. He led Tommy backward into the house, kicking the door shut behind him. “Twice.”

Tommy breathed out a laugh, pulling back just enough to look into Buck's eyes. “This was your first shift back after our honeymoon,” he reminded him. “So you lasted, what, twelve hours into your workday before mentioning me?”

Buck shook his head. “It was our first call of the day,” he informed him. “More like two hours.”

Tommy hummed, running his hands up and down Buck's waist. “Your whole team owes me double then,” he said before pressing a gentle kiss to Buck's lips.

It was Buck's turn to pull back this time. “What are you talking about?”

“They were taking bets on how long it would take for you to mention you were married. I said it'd be less than twelve hours, and you'd mention it more than once. Wait-” He paused, then gave Buck's waist a squeeze, “did you mention bisexual erasure?”

Buck sighed, his shoulders slumping. “It's an important topic, Tommy!”

Tommy simply smiled. “I hit the jackpot, Babe.”

“You placed bets on me?” Buck asked with his eyebrows furrowed.

“Mhm,” Tommy replied. He shrugged. “I won like five hundred dollars.”

Buck's eyes darkened at that. In one quick motion, he turned them and shoved Tommy against the door, pawing at his shirt to get it untucked. “That's so hot,” he moaned, smashing his mouth against Tommy's in a sloppy kiss.

They never did make their dinner reservations.

[il-predestinato]

hello beautiful elle

since it is going to be a long 3 months without our boys could you please recommend some fics that you liked? cause i really like your writings and how realistic they are and i wanted to get some of you suggestions for the break!

love you loads

Thank you, lovely anon, for your very kind message! 🥺 I must admit I have fallen behind in reading fics. I am sure I am forgetting some excellent Lestappen fics/writers, but these are some of my all-time favourites!

Lestappen Fic Recs:

And in the end I will seek you out amongst the stars by mandzilkos (@geeeooorrrge) - rating: G, 22k words

Soulmate AU where you see in black and white until you meet your soulmate, and the world goes back to black and white after your soulmate dies. This is ALWAYS the first Lestappen fic that comes to mind whenever anyone asks for a recommendation, and it is probably my all-time favourite. The fic that inspired me to write Lestappen, if I'm honest.

getting half of you just ain't enough by shybear_styles - rating: E, 20k words

The friends with benefits story that spans the 2019 season. The only thing better than amazing smut is amazing smut with feels. For sure a top 5 fic in the Lestappen fandom for me. Also, this author is simply amazing in general and you should read all of her fics! I haven't given up hope that she will return one day and write more Lestappen. 🤧

you feel the mornin' feel by shybear_styles - rating: M, 3.3k words

Remember that time Sebastian Vettel asked Charles, "Is he [Max] pretty?" And we never got an answer because Charles descended into gay panic? Well, worry not! We get an answer in this fic.

Monaco Malaise by ProngsfootxJily (@cupidskissx) - rating: E, 8k words

Rivals with benefits, takes place after the 2021 Monaco Grand Prix. Yes, this one is delicious smut but also a character study. Both of them are written so well, and it leaves you begging for more. Don't forget to check out the equally amazing sequel! (Don't worry, I have been relentlessly harassing her to write the sequel's sequel.)

algorithm by Anney (@badboy-george) - rating: M, 17k words

In a world where F1 uses simulation-based compatibility tests, five times Max doesn't find the right partner and the one time he does. Black Mirror ("San Junipero" and "Hang the DJ") vibes in the best way. Another one of my absolute favourite fics. If you've read any Lestappen fics, you've probably read "Every Other Sunday." This one is simply a masterpiece by the immensely talented Anney; definitely check out her other fics!

panem et circenses by Anney - rating: E, 13.2k words

Wow - simply devastating, haunting, an ode to these two as drivers, set in a dystopian future AU. The world building is absolutely incredible, but at its heart is such a beautiful story of love and hope. This one doesn't get enough recognition. (TW: implied non-con, not between Lestappen.)

Unlearn by wantinghopingwriting (Tazza1993) (@lightsoutfullhearts) - NR, 45k words

This is another all-time favourite, a must-read. Fake/pretend relationship to lovers multi-chapter story that is ever so satisfying; both of them are so well characterized. Set in a parallel-ish 2022 season. I really cannot recommend this one enough.

the edge of what can be loved by Ledger_m (@the-last-jedis) - rating: T, 13k words

The third wheel fic from the perspective of Max and Charles' various "Steves." It's funny, heartwarming, and everyone on the grid is nosy as fuck.

Charles Leclerc vs Red Bull caps by Ledger_m - rating: T, 6.4k words

Charles is the hero we all need, as he goes on a mission to get rid of all of Max's stupid Red Bull caps. This is REQUIRED reading! Kami is a genius. Go read all of her fics.

If You Don't Play, You'll Never Win by antimonyandthyme (@antimonyandthyme) - rating: T, 4.1k

Post 2021 Monaco Grand Prix. Max wants to take their relationship further; Charles... doesn't. Oh my God, where do I begin to describe how much I love this fic. The language is beautiful, both of them are so well-written, and I feel punched in the gut over and over again in the best way. The ending (well, the whole thing) is so damn satisfying.

all's well that ends well (to end up with you) by stylestappen (@stylestappen) - rating: G, 3k words

Max has a meltdown in the cereal aisle (yes, the cereal aisle) at 3 am when he realizes he is in love with Charles despite the latter's questionable taste in cereal. Dani has an absolutely wicked sense of humour! (Although I don't understand what she has against cocoa puffs 😭.) She also wrote a banger of a Lestappen soon-to-be teammates fic, so make sure to check out her profile.

Max Verstappen: Spotify Extraordinaire by frnndtorres - rating: G, 26k words

Max makes Spotify playlists for the grid. Fluffy, funny, care-free, liberal use of nicknames, with a healthy dose of feels between Max and Charles. A really fun read.

i love the way your green eyes mix with that malibu indigo by altissimozucca (@altisssimozucca) - rating: G, 11k words

Max and Charles spend summer of 2020 together in Malibu and try not to fall in love. Spoiler alert: they fall in love. I feel the urge to explain something: When I first started reading Lestappen, there were less than 250 fics in their entire tag (yeah I know, we are currently close to 3000 fics, which is insane). From 2019-2021, we truly lived off crumbs. So trust me when I say that we owe so much to altissimozucca, who wrote something like 40% of the fics in the Lestappen tag and nearly single-handedly kept us fed in those days. It's so hard to pick one of her fics to recommend, so make sure you check out her profile for more!

#803442 by altissimozucca - rating: M, 1k words

Max and Charles celebrate the end of the 2019 season in a hotel room. So soft, so fluffy, so satisfying.

Bruises by eefiplier - rating: E, 5.1k words

I think of this one as THE Lestappen smut fic. Oh my God, it's 5k words of amazing established relationship smut with all the feels. A classic. I can read this one over and over again.

outside the box by playclock (@endowataru) - rating: M, 6.1k words

Max falls in love with Charles' driving... oh and Charles himself too. They are ultra competitive idiots who are madly in love. There aren't enough established relationship fics out there, but this one is simply amazing. And don't forget to check out this author's profile for additional Lestappen fics. I promise every single one is a banger!

i made it link by link by purpleglasseswrites (@f-ferrari-forever) - rating: M, 4.2k words

Charles and Max try to be kinky, but who are they kidding - they are far too vanilla for that stuff. 🤣 This one is so sweet, and don't forget to read the sequel!

One man's trash, another man's treasure by AzziNow (@track-terror-apologist) - rating: T, 4.2k words

Charles turns into a raccoon and terrorizes everyone except Max. (Well, he terrorizes Max too... slightly.)

Call it madness, call it love… by AzziNow - rating: M, 3.5k words

Ferrari auctions off Charles for charity. No angst, just fluff. Alpha!Max/Alpha!Charles. So I confess that I never read A/B/O fics. There's nothing wrong with it - just not my cup of tea. But I really enjoyed this one. Al has such a chaotic sense of humour.

it all reminds me of you by grandprix (@grandprix-ao3) - rating: E, 3k words

Secret relationship Lestappen with flashbacks. Oh the yearning, the desire, the smut - incredibly satisfying. I must put a plug-in for this author's other Lestappen fics as well. Never misses - make sure to check them out!

burning you into my mind by thightattoos - rating: E, 4.1k words

Porn with feels and possessiveness. You cannot ask for anything more. I must have read this one a dozen times.

an evil plan or two by witchee_writer - rating: T, 5.2k words

Max and Charles are roped into a plan to get Brocedes back together; they come to a few realizations along the way. The only thing better than a Lestappen fic? A Lestappen AND Brocedes fic!

Fine Line by empireoffclouds - rating: NR, 7k words

One of the more light-hearted enemies to friends to lovers fics. I absolutely adore their dynamic here - it's snarky, warm, but also so them. The incomplete sequel is also a super fun read.

Into Darkness Of Thought by flamingosarepink - rating: T, 1k words

After the 2019 Japanese Grand Prix, Charles thinks Max isn't coming back to their shared space.

steal softly under castle walls by untouchableocean - rating: G, 521 words

Max gets home late from Milton Keynes and Charles has already fallen asleep. Short, tooth-rooting fluff of the best kind.

Zoomies by greeny1710 (@maxlambiase) - rating: E, 2.2k words

This one is just hilarious. A (mostly) naked Max walks into Charles' team Zoom call during the COVID lockdown.

...and many, many more that I'm sure I have forgotten! 🙈 You can also check out my AO3 bookmarks (the first few pages are pretty much all Lestappen fics).

Please remember to leave kudos and comments for these amazing writers. The talent in this fandom is absolutely incredible. They all deserve so much recognition. Happy reading!

[guardian5tiger3]

1. 2. 3.

And

4. ( Yes, it's a picture of chingy. )

---------------

PICK A GROUP TAROT

1

Basically I think you're single with a big heart / a lot of love to give, and you have a friend that's gay or in a gay relationship or some of you maybe don't even realize if you have a crush that he's gay or has a boyfriend . Or youre in a three way relationship??????? If any of those are true or you literally just know two guys and one of them is similar to you somehow , they are talking about you . And it's possible one or both of them want you to be cut off from them or for you to have to leave something or a place behind . So you could actually be being plotted on in terms of them doing something maybe to get you kicked out of your place or fired ????! Dude if somebody IS in a gay relationship they could actually not be gay they could be straight and be making a mistake ...

WTF is this y'all damn . Looks like you've only been nice as f and in your own vibe . Do y'all have autism ????????? Or want to get checked for it ???! This the most confusing reading I've ever done . Cause it's possible these people are just reading you so effing wrong and being judgemental like for the few of you that that's your case I hope the culprit eats shit cause I especially feel your pain here . This also could be people from your past or something that happened in the past . Dude someone HATES you all cause you're just enjoying what you have or what you have worked for or your own vibe or something . Like why . WTF "with a cherry on top "bitch what the hell . You might have been excluded from a group of friends or something . . .... But you have the best energy though ... Like you're beautiful .uhm the advice is to flex on everyone ever. Just be bold about your vibes and how you look and flaunt it cause it'll mess these people's heads up It would make someone get so mad they'd prolly piss their effing pants hahaha . F k 'em . So that's ...your advice.... Good luck with ... This ....... Just flex on em idk they definitely have at least one or two people that know whoever these dudes are or whatever that look at stuff you post online too if you do or see you at a grocery store possibly??? Or at a restaurant if you're a waitress ..... Y'all get the point you would be seen and you'd have em freaking out ....... Bunch of nerds if you ask me , shoot.

( extra channeling . Someone ate some one ass I think it's these two guys that are gay with each other and it's funny and gross ? ) as if that's my business or anyone's but I think other factors involved make this justifiably hilarious for someone

---------

2

You are the last one standing in a situation. Channeling the hunger games here . You could be the only person in your own family to ever do something . You might have one best friend ( when I typed this, at this point I accidentally put 😉 this emoji somehow ????? ) or a pet .?

People have tried to delay you or throw obstacles your way or hurt you or something and I don't know that anyone or yourself ever could have imagined whatever destiny you have . It's going to teach a lot of people lessons . People that may have judged you especially if you live your life unconventionally . Whatever your destiny is is kind of shocking but will leave certain people in complete shame . I feel like some people you've dealt with somehow could never ever imagine admitting to being wrong on the level they may have been about you and it will be humiliating and ego shattering for a certain person or people . This is especially true if you tend to avoid conflict , or are a loner, or never experienced a party scene as a teen and young adult , or even like, sleep overs or birthday parties as a kid. You may have always been focused on things no one else really was while everyone else was in a way wasting their time with other things . It's so gonna pay off however the lifestyle similar to what I'm describing is that you've lived .

---------------

3

Y'all seem good but maybe impatient about something or just, the future in general ? . You're either in love with someone OR that's what you're impatient about, your love life . Your soulmate is hurt right now and needs to or had needed to get away from something cause someone had some sharp words towards them not making things any better but making it actively get worse for them emotionally or mentally or physically . Whatever environment either of you are in it's not suitable for the type of love you two would have so there does need to be action taken in terms of fixing the chaotic or bad environment but sometimes it's up to this person to do and you are left maybe bored or inpatient then right ? If you guys want a family - like situation in any way be it just you two , pets , children , whatever . You can absolutely put your focus on preparing for that in any given way that you can .

------------------------

4

You're looking back on the past or rewatching old shows or movies or doing something for nostalgia maybe even eating something you used to . If this is what you're doing right now it's because subconsciously you want yourself to notice something negative that happened around that time . Or in your past generally . Something may have been not obvious enough or straight up going on behind your back or maybe you have blocked out trauma ? It looks like you're alright now but upset about the past . Don't force whatever you're trying to realize or remember but I think reading this might just help with that naturally coming up in your mind at some point . Make sure you don't get too lost in your mind and also consider practicing grounding yourself in the physical present moment . Something positive is about to happen to you . Either you're eating vegetables or you should be . Also look towards foods and activities that are positive for brain health . If you have a dog take the dog for walks or do that for more time or more often at this time . If you have a fish or hamster do not take a pet like that for a walk . Just a little PSA 😉 . there is one very good thing coming to you that might be humbling in a way but it is destined and it is great . It might come to you in the form of good news ? . But I can't say anything more about what it might be . I think the energy youre in now is very telling of what's to come as if youre preparing for something subconsciously. Take care .

[fallingfor-fics]

Can you please do a one shot of like the abbot crew going out to a gay bar. Melissa and Y/N are secretly dating, and a girl from a different group approaches Melissa but doesn’t no how to take no for an answer. Leading to Y/N stepping in and a bar fight breaks out between the two and the groups they came with. Ending the night with Melissa and Barbara bailing Y/N and the rest of the abbot crew out and Melissa falling in even more love with Y/N for defending her. Maybe some smut if your feeling up to it…I had a dream about it…please and thank youuu😋🫶🏽

Sorry this took so long!

I didnt do it exactly how you asked but I hope you like it still!!

Cat Fight - Melissa Schemmenti x Reader

Word count: 5k

Warnings: bar fight, dubcon, all around smut, sex on the kitchen counter without wiping it down first

Summary: basically the ask but no jail time is served lol

Every time you went out with Melissa you always had a blast, you would drink, dance, and talk deep into the night about endless things, and then go home with her. It was one of your favorite weekend activities. This outing was different though because you were being joined by Janine, Jacob, Barbara, and Gregory-- quite the bunch to be tagging along to one of the more popular but casual LGBT bars downtown. You don't even know how it happened but here you were, sitting at the bar squeezed between Jacob and Gregory, sneaking glances at Melissa from two seats down. It's not like you were having a bad time, conversation was fun with the group, and you loved hanging out with them, but weekends were sacred. These short two days were reserved for Melissa since you couldn't express affection all week at school, and rarely spent the night together during the week. But alas, you were cracking jokes to pass the time, and admiring your beautiful girlfriend from afar. 

“I just think its funny that Gregory has been hit on more times tonight by other guys than Jacob has.” Barbara says as she stirs her drink. This causes a laugh from the group but an eye roll from Jacob, and Gregory can be seen shaking his head.

“Well that's what happens when you buy a drink for a guy.�� You said smiling and taking a sip. 

“Ok for the last time, I didn't know it was a guy, he had very pretty hair.” he laughed and everyone started to giggle along. You could hear Melissas laugh above all the rest and it warmed your heart. You turned to face the bartender to order a shot, hoping it would keep your mind off her. You had been hiding your relationship for months so you weren't sure why tonight was becoming so difficult and mentally draining. Maybe it was the bar, the place you two always went to and got to be yourselves, or maybe it was just because she wasn't looking at you as much as you were her. Melissa wasn't oblivious to the glances you were sending her way, but she knew better than to allow her eyes to linger a little too long on yours with Barbara and Jacob sitting right there. She was using every ounce of her will power to remain cool and casual.

“I'm getting another. Does anyone want one?” You ask looking around and everyone but Janine and Melissa, who were driving, nodded in agreement. 

“Great. Another round please sweetheart!” you say with a smile to the woman behind the bar and she nods, grabbing the shot glasses. You can feel Melissa's eyes on you and you know it's because of your over-kindness and endearing name you gave to the bartender, but you don't look in her direction and instead try to distract yourself by making conversation with Jacob.

The shots are lined up in front of you and you all say cheers before downing them, you make eye contact with Melissa when you are setting your glass back down and you feel your heart hurt. It's definitely the liquor mixed with general missing her, but you feel another wave of dread come over you. You look to the bartender and tap the shot glass to signal for her to pour another. You can feel Melissa giving you a concerned look but you ignore it. Jacob, Janine, and Gregory get up to go dance and you decide to join them, taking your shot and setting it down, glancing at Melissa and heading to follow them. Melissa watches as you walk to the dance floor with a slight sway in your step and lets out a small sigh. She knows how hard it is for both of you to keep this up sometimes, but it still slightly frustrates her how much you let it affect you on nights like these, when you do things like this in front of her knowing she can't step in to stop you. But she knows you're a grown woman and can handle yourself, so she just watches from the bar, listening to Barb rant about something. 

You are tipsy enough to dance confidently but without embarrassing yourself, you still have a mixed drink in hand so you are conscious of not spilling that, and you don't want to look too trashy with your dancing. You also know Melissa has to be watching you now, so you sway your hips and pull out all the moves that you can do casually but you know will be keeping her eyes glued to you. You make light conversation over the music with the others when suddenly you hear a gasp from Jacob.

“Oh my god guys look, Ms. Schemmenti has a womanly caller.” he snides and everyone looks over with a grin, you turn to look as well and sure enough a skanky looking woman has walked over to Melissa and is standing very close talking to her. 

“I didn't even know she had game like that.” Gregory claims after the woman starts laughing at something Melissa says. You roll your eyes but the group, being nosey as always, casually dances closer to the bar. 

“I mean she's hot but I didn't know she could pull women in a place like this.” Jacob says and they all nod. The group knew you were queer, but Melissa’s previous marriage and overall life confidence kept them from questioning her own sexuality. This fact aided in hiding your relationship and Melissa didn't seem to mind. You can't take your eyes off the scene. The woman is dressed in a body con bright blue dress with cutouts. She should be at a rave in an outfit like that, you think as you take a sip of your drink with a bitter glare. 

“So how about you let me buy you a drink?” the woman says with a smile as she twirls her hair. 

“Thanks, but I'm still working on mine.” Melissa smiles politely as she gestures to her beer in hand. 

“Haha you’re funny! Okay what about shots? On me of course!” the woman tries again and you feel your cheeks grow hot at the way the woman is shamelessly checking Melissa out, taking her in from head to toe. She then reaches up to play with Melissa's hair and you feel yourself stumble a bit as you zone out on her fingers touching Melissa's red hair. Hair that should only have fingers tangled in it if they were your own. You refrained from crushing the cup in your hand as you felt your skin get warm. It was no secret you were an incredibly jealous person, you two had even had this conversation when watching Moulin Rouge one night. You had told Melissa that the representation of love and jealousy in that movie was the perfect example of how you feel in deep relationships. You knew she could feel your gaze burning holes through the blonde that stood next to her

“Look I appreciate the offer, but really I'm okay.” Melissa declined once more and you watched as you finished the rest of your drink and walked back to the bar to get another. Melissa saw you and watched as you talked to the bartender. Barbara stood between you and Melissa and you avoided looking over at her until you had another shot in you at least. You then heard the woman speak up again in her agitating valley accent and rolled your eyes, deciding if you walked away it may have more of an effect on Melissa than if you stood around seething. You walked back to the others and kept dancing but made sure you could still see Melissa. Barbara left the bar to go to the bathroom and you felt a slight instinct to keep a stronger eye on Melissa in case that woman tried anything. You and Melissa made eye contact as you danced and your heart began to race as you couldn't help a small smile form when seeing her sparkling eyes look into yours. She grinned and then looked back over to the woman. 

“How about a dance then?” the woman smirks.

“I don't think my girlfriend will like that very much.” she says and this catches your attention, it was loud enough for you to hear, but the music and singing crowd allowed it to go unheard by the others. You don't stop swaying your hips gently to the music, but you focus in on their conversation again.

“Haha and who is your girlfriend?” the woman says with a cocky tone. 

Melissa gestures to you with a smile, and you look the woman up and down with a glare, looking at Melissa and then back to the other woman.

“Well I don't see much, I can handle her.” she hums and you stop dancing and straighten up as she turns to face you.

“I wouldn't do that if I were you.” Melissa scoffs at the woman.

“Awe, why? Are you worried you might end up enjoying a night with me far more than whatever this loose little girl could ever offer you?” she quips and you feel your fists clench as you make your way over. Melissa straightens up and crosses her arms prepared to defend you when you chime in first. 

“Are you dense? She's clearly not interested.” you mutter to the woman who laughs and Melissa smiles. 

“No, Y/n it's fine she was just leaving.” Melissa says trying to keep the conversation from escalating. 

“Actually, if your girlfriend here really liked you why wouldn't she be out there dancing with you instead of sitting here talking to me?” the woman said with a grin and you shook your head. You knew you couldn't say much and draw the attention of the others but this woman was really getting under your skin for some reason. You saw Barbara coming back from the bathroom and bit your tongue, rolling your eyes and letting out a sigh. 

“Look, just do yourself a favor and walk away.” Melissa said to the woman and she shook her head. 

“No not after an ugly bitch like her called me stupid!” 

The group on the dance floor heard that and all came over to observe, drawing more attention to your friends and now the woman's own friends came to see what was happening. 

“Lex what's going on?” one of her friends asked and she scoffed.

“This whore just called me stupid.” Lex said, clearly very drunk as she slurred her words, and probably under the influence of a little more than alcohol.

“Woah woah woah lets not over react, this isn't the place for this ladies how about you walk away and we all just enjoy our nights.” Gregory spoke up. 

“Nah mind your own business asshole! This is between me and this fucking bitch.” Lex slurred out while doing loud hand gestures. 

You sighed and could feel your face growing flushed and you ran a hand through your hair as you tried to just ignore the woman. It was one thing to call you names, you could be the bigger person and walk away with that, but people being a dick to your friends is not something you care about maintaining decorum for. Still you took a deep breath and turned to get a drink, but you felt a hand shove your shoulder. 

“Yeah walk away like a pussy, leave your girlfriend to a real woman.” Lex mocked and you let out a sigh before realizing you were now drunk enough to use that as an excuse for the following action. Disregarding the comment that left the group slightly confused you turned, grabbing Melissa's beer from her hand, and tossing it on the girls hideous blue dress. 

“Oh shit.” You heard Jacob and Janine remark from behind you. 

“Y/n, hon come on, I think it's time we go guys.” Melissa said, reaching to grab your arm to lead you out but the woman reaches up to slap you but you reach out and grab her hair instead. In a blink of an eye the whole bar is now staring at the both of you as exclamations can be heard from both groups and Melissa is yelling every swear she can conjure up as her and Gregory are trying to get you off the other woman. You had her by the hair still and went to throw another punch until you felt a large pair of arms grab you around the stomach and pull you back, another large man grabs the other woman and you realize it's the bar's security guys. You hear your friends all yell at security to put you down, and he yells back and tells them they all have to leave or they are gonna call the cops. Barbara is the first one to pay off the tab and lead everyone out. 

“Have some decorum and just get outside!” She orders the group and they gather their things and listen. You don't put up a fight, but security still has a firm grip on your arms and is practically dragging you outside. 

“Okay Jesus I dont think this is necessary she's listening!” Melissa yells at the large man who just ignores her. He roughly lets go of you once you're outside and Melissa stabilizes you with gentle hands on your arm and hip. Eventually you are all waiting on the sidewalk as Janine goes to pull up her car. 

“Ok so that was wild.” Jacob mutters after an awkward silence. You lean against the wall of the building and sigh, Melissa looking over at you then back to the others. 

“Yeah what happened exactly? And why did that crazy lady call you her girlfriend?” Gregory asked and you didn't have the energy to say anything, or even look up at any of them. 

“Um. That lady wasn't taking a hint, so Y/n came to tell her to back off, and I guess she got the wrong idea, and things just escalated.” Melissa muttered as a cover. Since you had been so good at hiding things up until this point they all nodded without a doubt. Janine pulled up and Gregory and Jacob got in. You didn't move from your place on the wall and Melissa looked over at you then back to the others. 

“Barb you go ahead with them, I'll drive Y/n home tonight since it’s on my way.” Melissa said with a concerned voice and Barbara smiled. 

“Okay, I will see you ladies at school on Monday.” Barbara said before getting in. the rest of the group waved and Janine drove away. Leaving you and Melissa on the sidewalk. You still hadn't looked up or said a word. Your legs were getting tired from standing against the wall, and your cheeks felt slightly numb from the chilly air. You could feel your lip was bleeding but was pretty sure that was the only damage besides a slightly bruised ego. Melissa came to stand next to you, poking at your arm. 

“Are you ready to go, hon?” she said softly and you didn’t say anything. You finally looked up at her and she saw the blood dripping from your pouted lips and a faint red mark on your face that was slowly disappearing. 

“Baby your lip-” she went to wipe the blood but you cut her off.

“I'm sorry.” you muttered simply.

Taken aback she shook her head with furrowed brows, “For what?” 

“For making a scene, getting us kicked out-- almost having the group find out… all because of my fragile ego.” you scoffed hearing yourself and looked down to play with your fingers.

“Sweetheart, don't be sorry for any of that! I have never had someone, that wasn't family, literally fight a person for me.” She said playfully, using her hand to gently lift your chin. “I mean you did that because you care about me and your friends, not because you're fragile.”

You shook your head in response and opened your mouth to mutter another comment, but she stopped you with a kiss. She cupped your face with her hands gently, and softly kissed your lips with an underlying passion, being cautious of your busted lip, and stroking your cheek with her thumb. She pulled away with sparkling eyes and a grin which you met with a larger smile before reaching for her jacket to pull her into you again. You kissed her deeply ignoring the slight pain it caused, and ran your hand up her body to cup her cheek. Your breathing grew heavy as Melissa pushed you into the wall with her hips and you opened your mouth slightly allowing her to take over. Her tongue ran over your lip, she could taste the blood from your cut and the liquor on your breath, but she still deepened the kiss by letting her tongue enter your mouth and dance around your own. You eventually pulled away to catch your breath and you rested your forehead against hers as you shut your eyes and played with her hair. You had almost forgotten how much you had to drink until you stumbled slightly and she instinctively grabbed your waist. 

“I love you Y/n, and tonight only proved to me just how much I do” she spoke softly in her velvety voice and you smiled innocently with a red stained lip. She brushed over it with her thumb, and then stood up straight. 

“I love you too.” You said simply before feeling your eyes get tired. 

“Cmon, we are getting you home.” She said with a laugh and you nodded, allowing her to take your hand and walk you to her car. 

You knocked out the whole drive back, Melissa's hand placed on your thigh the whole way. She tapped it gently when you arrived and you opened your eyes to see you were at her house and you looked at her with a smile. 

“What? You didn't think I was just going to leave you alone at your place did you?” she mocked you with love and you laughed, getting out of the car and following her inside. 

“I think the nap in the car was exactly what I needed because I feel much better now.” You said smiling at her as you hopped up on the kitchen counter.

“Oh really? Well drink this whole glass of water and then we will see.” She said handing you a cup she filled from the fridge. She kept her eyes on yours as you drank it and she took off your shoes for you, placing them on the floor before kicking off her own. You finished the glass and placed it down as she turned to face you again. You grabbed her by her waist and pulled her to you, running your hands through her hair and admiring her beauty. 

“Don't look at me like that baby.” She said in a deep tone, her eyes full of a serious yet lustful gleam as she moved her hands to rest on the counter on either side of you.

“Like what?” you smiled, not moving your hands from her, tangling in her hair, running over her shoulders and arms, and then back to tuck her hair behind her ears.

“Like you want to fuck me.” she said firmly with a grin. You were surprised she didn't hesitate to call you out and this sent a chill down your spine. 

“Well, what's so wrong with that?” you teased, leaning in closer so you were inches from her face, your eyes darting between her dark green ones.

“The issue is how sexy it is but I'm not one for coercion.” She replies, moving to push herself away, but you grabbed her by the belt loops of her jeans and pulled her closer so her torso was between your legs and against the counter. You draped your arms over her shoulders and hovered your lips over hers, teasing her with a gentle peck to the lips. You pulled back slightly with a grin and she stared at you lovingly.

“Its not coercion if I want it and i'm barely even tipsy.” you say with a smile.

“Please Melissa, I just risked my life for you and I need to feel you.” You said with dramatics and a hint of sarcasm.

“Ha, now who is doing the coercing!” She laughed and you shook your head.

“Not coercion, I’m begging you,” you whined before pushing her away slightly so you could slink off the counter and onto your knees on the cold kitchen tile. “I'm literally on my knees for you… mommy.” You said with a grin, looking up at her with shining eyes. She smiled and let out a scoff. Your hands slid up the side of her legs, slowly over her thighs until you got to the button of her pants, causing her to suck in a breath before looking into your eyes again. You could see the internal battle she had and before you could unbutton her pants, she grabbed your hands and pulled you up to her. She pulled you in by your waist and kissed you deeply, letting out the breath she’d been holding in as she ran her hands down your waist to grab your ass. You moaned into the kiss and pressed your torso against hers. When you pulled away to catch your breath she smirked at you and sucked in her lip. 

“Okay but no taking care of me tonight, it's all about you baby.” She said, finding a compromise for her decision and you grinned, slightly upset you wouldn't be able to make her feel good. 

“Anything you say.” You nodded desperately and she let out a beautiful laugh before backing away and grabbing your hips to push you up against the counter. She kissed you again and your hands found her cheeks as you deepened the kiss with force. She ran her hands down your back and grabbed under your thighs to lift you onto the counter, not breaking the kiss. You groaned from the smooth execution and she smiled into the kiss. She pulled away and looked you in the eyes as she pushed your skirt up to your waist and pulled your panties off. You played with her hair as she did so and then felt your thighs squeeze together at the cold air and the way she was looking you up and down. 

“God you're stunning Melissa.” You said with a shaky breath as her hand pushed between your thighs and brushed your core with slow motions. 

“I could say the same thing about you hon, now be a good girl and lay back.” She said in a deep and sensual tone. You quickly nodded, leaning in for another deep kiss, pushing your chest against hers, cupping her cheek with your hand. You allowed your tongue to enter her mouth and kissed her with passion. She smiled into the kiss at your eagerness and she pulled away, raising her eyebrow at you and you placed another peck to her lips before doing as you were told. You pushed your hair out from under you to be laid out on the counter and allowed yourself to relax slightly. You felt her hands bend your knees and place your feet on the edge of the counter to give her better access.  The cold air caused your skin to prickle with small goosebumps and you felt your heart speed up as you awaited her touch. She traced her hands gently up and down your thighs before placing kisses along the inside of them. Her cold fingers came up to rub your clit and your body twitched, sensitive from being deprived for so long. You slightly leaned into her touch but the limited space on the counter kept you from doing so. 

“Just relax baby, I want you to be able to remember how good I treated you when you wake up tomorrow.” she said with a cocky grin that you could practically feel. She leaned in and licked a stripe up your folds without hesitation. Collecting your slick on her tongue before lightly sucking on your bud. You let out a moan and she gripped your thighs tighter to keep them in place as she continued to suck on your clit, licking circles around it. She moved a hand from your thigh to her mouth, placing two fingers in her mouth before rubbing your clit and then inserting them into you. You let out a hoarse gasp and she gently curled her fingers inside you, moving her head back down to continue torturing your clit. You arched your back off the counter and moaned at the new angle and she hummed into you causing you to moan again. 

“Fuck, Melissa!” You exclaimed, letting your hand come to her hair, brushing it from her face. She felt you clench around her fingers and held back a grin at how ready you were for her already. She thrusted her fingers harder, stroking inside of you and hitting your sensitive spot. Never taking her lips off your core, her tongue running over your clit before she continued to suck on it. You let out another loud moan and your free hand came to your mouth so you could bite on your knuckles, your eyes closing shut tight. 

“No baby move your hand I wanna hear you scream as you cum for me.” she said, not stopping her thrusts.

“Ah, ok- yes mommy.” you gasped out, tugging on her hair slightly, earning a deep groan from Melissa that you could feel. Your juices covered her face and hand now and you felt yourself clenching around her. You arched off the counter again and she brought her other hand off your thigh to rub your clit so she could talk you through your release. 

“That’s it my love, you're doing so good, cum for me hon.” She said, smiling down at you with dark eyes. You felt your release wash over you at the praise and your body shook as your orgasm flooded through you and you clenched around her fingers. Your mind went dark as you moaned loudly, fire spreading through your veins. As you caught your breath you opened your eyes. Melissa pulled her fingers from you and you used the little strength you had to try and sit up. She snaked her hand around your back to pull you up to her and you met her with a smile and flushed cheeks. She lifted her fingers to your mouth and you took them in without hesitation, tasting yourself on her. 

“You did so good for me baby.” She muttered in her deep, raspy voice, pulling her fingers from your mouth and back down to your center to sooth your sensitive clit.

“I love you.” You said with a smile. 

“I love you too.” She said simply and you leaned in to kiss her gently, looking in her eyes as you placed a peck to her lips. She took your lower lip between her teeth and you winced. She pulled away with a sarcastic grin and furrowed brows.

“Oh i'm sorry sweetheart, did I hurt your lip?” she brushed her thumb over the cut that was now bleeding slightly again. 

“A little. But its okay,” you said not taking your eyes from hers as you moved her hand to rub circles on your core slowly. “I liked it.” you added and she raised a brow. Moving to kiss her again she moved her head back slightly and thrusted her fingers back inside you without warning, she watched with a grin as your face contorted in pleasure. Your brows furrowed and your lip pouted. 

“Give me one more.” she ordered and you nodded, leaning to kiss her again but she pulled back, teasing you once more as her fingers moved inside you. The angle allowed her to curl into you deeply and you let out a gasp, her thumb brushed your clit in circles and you felt your second orgasm approaching rapidly. 

“Yes, mommy please don't stop.” you muttered breathlessly and she smirked, moving her fingers faster. You clenched around her and felt heat pool in your core as your orgasm approached. 

“Look at me baby.” She said and you met her gaze, furrowed brows and your mouth open in an ‘o’ shape as you moaned. Your legs shook slightly and you felt your thighs move to clench together and she didn't stop you. You sat up straight which allowed her fingers to reach deeper inside you and you gasped. Her eyes were full of lust and mischief as she looked into your pleading ones. Your eyes shifted to her puffy pink lips and you looked back in her eyes, silently begging. 

“Please kiss me Melissa.” you begged, your release approaching. She gave in and kissed you deeply, watching as your eyes closed and you moaned into the kiss. Her fingers sped up and she deepened the kiss, her tongue roaming around your mouth with passion and control. Your eyes squeezed tight as you felt the wave of relief crash over you and you moaned into the kiss, your hands moving to wrap around her face, cupping her jaw so there wasn't a chance she could pull away. She allowed her fingers to slow and you grinded against them as you rode out you high. Her other hand came to grip your waist, her thumb pushing into your hip. You finally pulled away and your foreheads met as you both caught your breath. 

“I'm so proud of you hon.” she said with a smile and you gently nodded.

“I'm definitely going to remember this.” you quipped and she let out a laugh before pulling you off the counter, your legs wrapping around her and her hands holding you by your thighs as she carried you. 

“Let's get you cleaned up and into bed.” she said sweetly into your ear and you allowed your glorious lover to carry you up the stairs and to her bedroom.

xx

[annoyinglandmagazine]

So I did Classical Studies in secondary school which was a fairly obscure subject, there were only nine of us in the class and we were all super into it.

Just for context here I’m talking about the class I was in from first to third year, between the ages of 13 and 16 for people with different education systems. We read the Iliad as part of course and it was really dense and when I tell you none of us could hear the word simile today without flashbacks to notating pages after pages of Homer comparing the way people walked to lions……

Anyway, it was a nightmare to read but we loved it.

We came out of those three years having forgotten most of the history of the Roman Empire but we all knew that Paris was a little bitch good for nothing but his looks, Achilles and Patroclus were definitely gay, Achilles was also a little bitch but we love him for it, Hector and Andromache deserved better and, most importantly, Agamemnon was a complete and utter douchebag who deserved everything he got and Clytemnestra was absolutely right to stab him to death in a bathtub, seriously fuck that guy.

We were so invested in this subject that we finished the curriculum early two years in a row and each year our teacher decided that we could put on a play related to the subject to fill out the last two months or so.

Naturally we settled on Troy Story 1 and Troy Story 2 detailing the Birth of Paris through to Achilles returning Hector’s body to Priam in two 40 minute instalments.

Absolutely no one of the forty people who wandered in by accident to witness our work of art understood a single second of what was going on or why we were all restrained laughter at what was basically eighty minutes of obscure classics in jokes. It was glorious. I recently found the script and I wanted to share the chaos.

Highlights included:

Jesse’s Girl playing over Helen and Paris’ introduction while she’s married to Menelaus.

So much unnecessary use of the word bro. Just so much.

Zeus and Hera narrating while passive aggressively bickering for every second of it. The gods constantly saying ‘do you want to get involved in some human drama’ to rope each other in

The extreme dramatic build up to the use of the word dog

Agamemnon speaks like a frat boy the whole time, like the biggest douche ever.

Achilles lifting Hectors body and dragging it around in slo mo while we are the champions plays

Achilles watching the war from his blanket burrito while eating popcorn out of his helmet

The shepherd who found Paris on a mountainside holding him up while the Lion King music played over it

Achilles’ trashy blonde wig. I cannot stress enough how trashy and blonde this wig was. Also Achilles was deliberately cast as the shortest girl in the class (5’ 3).

Odysseus and Diomedes night mission had mission impossible music playing over it as we parkoured across the stage and peaked out behind curtains. They also have dialogue in which they constantly want to stab something

Paris never appears in the sequel but is dissed constantly

We couldn’t do any actual Patrochilles cause Catholic school but we settled for prolonged eye contact to My Heart Will Go On and long pauses after dramatic references to My Closest Companion

Achilles: I need my best bro friend! My life soulmate! My favourite cook!

Achilles in the tent with headphones on listening to All By Myself with mascara streaming down his face after Patroclus died

The facts that Agamemnon killed his daughter and Zeus and Hera are siblings is constantly just kind of dropped in with no context

Everyone’s costumes were mostly just lab coats tied over our shoulders with shared armour from the one girl that apparently had a closet full of Ancient Greek style plastic swords, helmets and breastplates.

We spent an entire class making a giant pink tv frame out of cardboard, paper and way too much sellotape for one joke that wasn’t even that funny. We named it Daniel.

Briseis was an American Girl doll.

The gods yelling at each other to try and pick teams and resulting in a slap fight with an announcement that it lasted 3 hours.

Thetis yelling encouragement from the side lines and calling Achilles her little crib lizard for some reason also she’s reading Song of Achilles in one of her scenes

[alphajocklover]

hey there. I—-iiii—-I’m sorry, I’m a lil a little ner nervous here. I have this uh, like, um, shy. Uh. Shy persona. Im a nerdyaverage gay dude. And I wanna be able to talk in front of like um crowds. Actually I um, had something in mind. I wanna become a big, jacked jock straight comedian. Telling hilarious and sometimes cringe and crude jokes. Getting egged on by my maybe like um, frat bros or something to tell like obnoxious straight dude joke or something. Yeah. Like super douchebag funny guy muscle straight bro who is the life of the party. Young and dumb dude. Is there anything you have that could make this a reality?

It’s nice to meet you Mike! You don’t mind if I call you Mike do you? I know it’s not your name, but I don’t love using real names in my work… also, if I do this right your name could actually be Mike soon. I think that’s a good name for a straight douchebag comedian. It’s kind of a pun actually, a play on open Mike. You could call yourself Mike Dick. Get it, cause it sounds like ‘my dick’? Not funny huh? I’ll admit I’m not the best at this, but you’re the one who wants to be a comedian, not me. And I’m going to tell you how. You need to do what everyone who has stage fright needs to do. You need to get up on that stage… and just start talking.

I bet you're probably very confused right now. I know that the very idea of talking in front of people fills you with dread, and you came to me so you could get that confidence, not some cheesy advice. But I swear to you that I’m not just giving you empty platitudes. When you get up on the stage, in that spotlight, everything will be ok. Not because you believe in yourself, but because that spotlight is being powered by a very special battery. You might remember my supernova transformations, from my earliest stories. You might also remember that I was able to take some of the energy from it using a special solar panel and put it in a battery. While it turns out that if you use that battery to power a light source… It has an interesting effect. Any guy caught in its rays has they’re wish granted, while also being turned into a jock.when I discovered this I thought maybe I had finally found out how InstaJock works, but the transformation isn’t instant, and I’m not sure if you could get that energy to travel through an app or anything, so it’s probably something else.

Anyways, head on up! At first you’ll be your regular, shy and geeky self, but as you bask in the spotlight and start to open up, you’ll slowly change. Your muscles will slowly grow, your body and face becoming more chiseled, and your sense of humor will slowly become more… raunchy. Thoughtful comedy will slowly turn into cheap punchlines about ‘stupid queers’ and crude stories about ‘crazy bitches with huge tits’. Your audience might not like your new style, but a confident stud like you doesn’t care about what losers like that think, and you’ll be certain to get a following of beefy straight douchebags in no time. Especially if you turn that spotlight on the audience. Have fun, and try to use that spotlight responsibly. The battery won’t last forever, and I’m not going to give you a second one.

[ghostyeyestohide]

Just The T(hree)wo of Us

(I Put A Spell On You Part 3)

Pairing: Terrance (Foe) x Valerie (Plus Size Black Fem OC) x Junior (Foe) x Hen (Foe)

Warnings: SMUT, 18+ (MINORS, SCROLL AWAY), buildup (if you got the attention span of a squirrel, DONT READ), threesome, bxb, oral sex (f receiving, m receiving), titty sucking/fondling, bisexuality (from m and slightly, non-sexual from f), deepthroat (m and f), smoking, double vag penetration, masturbation, choking, ass eating , some femdom, some masdom, grinding, some slapping, dirty talk, praise kink, hair pulling, creampie (Terrance to Valerie), voyeurism, cussing, aftercare, drinking, drunk/high behavior, some jealousy, some angst, mentioning of upbringing (how they met), mentions of sexual harassment, mention of blood, and Non-Canon/Canon.

Parts: Part One • Part Two

Summary: After eating dinner, dancing with each other, and putting Hen in bed to rest from her drunkness, the remaining trio spend time together when things take a steamy turn.

A/N: It’s here. My version of the perfect threesome that should’ve happened for Foe. This was the one I was looking the most forward to because literally, despite the ever-growing homoeroticism tension between the men (which anyone who watched or read this felt) and just the chemistry we got between Aaron, Paul, and Saoirse, we got nothing. I felt like we got blue balls because how do you film that and not give us the gay shit or the bi shit? Also, some of the scientific things in here might be confusing, but this is a fanfiction after all. Hope y’all enjoy it!

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

do not copy or repost my work. I do not authorize it.

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

The couples eat quietly at the table, saying a few words to each other. A few quick glances, drinking some of their wine, some laughter, and utensils move around.

Junior sips his wine as he looks at Valerie, clearing his throat.

“So. Valerie.” he says, making her look at him.

“Yes?”

“I know this is your last night here and we do appreciate you for staying with us in our home, even if we didn’t make you feel like it. But, we were wondering…”

“How did you two meet?” asks Hen, butting in.

“Me and…”

“Terrance.”

“Oh! I thought you meant me and your husband! Got a little worried there.” she said, making everyone laughing.

She clearly her throat as she looked at Terrance, who was patiently waiting for her to tell it.

“Well. What’s a romantic story without a sad background, right?” she smiled a little, grabbing his hand to hold as everyone nodded.

“I’m originally from New York, as you can tell since this gorgeous man is very British.” she chucked. “But yeah. I was born there, but I’m not sure whether I was born in a hospital or on the streets because from what they told me, I was abandoned a few hours later in Inwood Hill Park.” she added.

“Oh my god.” said Hen, clutching her chest.

As she was about to speak again, Valerie feels her chest heating up, causing her to gently rub it.

“You okay?” asked Terrance.

“Mmhm. I just feel a little funny when I tell this story.”

“We can stop if you want.”

“No, no. It’s okay.” she said, squeezing his hand. “But, because they couldn’t find my parents, specifically my mother, I was placed in foster care. Not that I have an interest in finding them now cause I really don’t care. I bounced around a lot growing up. Some years, I was in Washington Heights. Other years, Harlem. And for the last three years of high school, Jamaica. A neighborhood in Queens, not the country, in case you got confused. But, because of this, my grades weren’t that great, but I still managed to pass for the year and that was fine with me. I knew I wasn’t going to college not because I couldn’t afford it, but I didn’t really think I had a future.”

She takes a sip of her wine as she carefully grabs one of Terrance’s hands and place it under her stomach, signaling to keep it eye on it.

“I was also picked on a lot for how I looked. Classmates, friends, roommates, even strangers. Same story you probably heard about any plus size person getting told about their health, compared to animals, statues, cars, food, even books. But that wasn’t bothering me as I got older. It was when they were saying no one was gonna love someone like me, no wonder your people abandoned you, you’re a failure, and like those kind of mean things. That’s like something you can’t get really get rid of and you just gotta hide it in your face or they’re gonna think you’re weak, even if you know that’s not true. As soon as I turned 18, I noticed I started getting treated differently.”

“You did something good?” asked Junior.

She shakes her before taking another sip, feeling the sensation growing a bit, making her feel a bit uneasy.

“Maybe I shouldn’t drink more of that.” she mumbled, pushing her glass towards Terrance, who takes it.

“Did you wanna change your…” he asked, signaling her tab.

“Mmm. Not yet. It’s not….messing with me.” she replied before clearing her throat. “Sorry, where was I? Oh right. When you become legal, I guess most men start paying attention? I mean, I was always getting that, but always rejected it since I was underage and didn’t want to deal with an older boyfriend like some girls unfortunately get groomed into doing. I had a boyfriend who was treating well until he felt like he can do better and just abandoned me. And of course, it was getting worse as I was getting harassed, stalked, and degraded almost every day that I had to quit so many jobs so I can avoid it. Of course, this was annoying my group home a lot since they felt like I was lazy when I’m just protecting myself?”

The sensation began winding down as she shifted in a her seat, fixing her posture.

“This went on until three months before my 21st birthday. The day after I quit another job, my friend told me that this post Columbia graduation party was looking for waitresses to serve drinks, offering $7.50 per hour + tips to work, as long as you were 21 and above. I declined because I wasn’t that age and of course, she knew I was gonna say that because she immediately pulled out a fake I.D. with my face and fake information on there. So now, I can’t say no!” she said, making everyone laugh.

“Oh, you sound like you loved trouble.” said Hen, smiling at her.

“Hen!” said Junior, irritated at her comment.

“It’s okay, she’s not wrong. It’s New York after all. Hope y’all get to visit one day.” said Valerie as she took a sip of her water.

“We get to the party, dressed in our black tie, white dress shirt, black slacks, and black shoes uniform. It was starting off fine because everyone was behaving well, socializing, congratulating each other, you know, just being proud of finishing their degree. But like three hours later, almost everyone is torn up. Like, once all of the adults and responsible people left, the hard drinking, dancing, making out, joking around shit started. It was slightly getting bad that we had to secretly switch the alcohol out with water so we weren’t responsible for anything that happens.” she continued.

“I went on break finally. And as I was sitting in an area where we were allowed, this group of drunken male graduates came up to me. I already knew what the hell was about to happen, so I was preparing to get away. The ringleader, as I like to call him, started harassing me and was like show your tits, I’ll pay you a $1000 to see em and was waving the money in my face. I almost gave in, but I knew better, so I said no and got up to leave, but his friend immediately shoves me back into seat, hovering over me. They beginning degrading me, saying I’m just a big bitch who shouldn’t have standards since I’m not worthy, probably waiting until someone richer than them picks me, and basically the I’m a nice guy monologue that Hen would probably know so many different versions of.” she said, looking at her.

“Oh, please. We’ll be here all night.” she replies.

“See! She knows the feeling. As I’m getting bombarded….this tall, beautiful guy comes up, cursing them out. Telling them to fuck off, you don’t wanna try me, I’ll whoop your ass in what I thought was very old New Yorker accent and they went finally away, ending the tormenting.”

“I can’t believe you really thought I was from there.” said Terrance, gently pulling her into him.

“I mean, you did sound like you could’ve been raised in Hyde Park, but then again, it was late. But, he made sure I was okay, ask what was my name and we talked for very long time, very into everything I was saying. How he was from South London, was on a scholarship here, and now, just got his bachelor’s in bioinformatics, with a minor in space studies. Which told me he was the real deal. And he was starting at OuterMore very soon, working on the then-developing living in space program. Then I got kicked out.”

“What?” said Hen.

“Why?” asked Junior.

“The guys complained and I was late from my break. So, I didn’t get paid. However, he came out, apologized for what happened and walked me home. He paid more than what I was suppose to get, but I didn’t want to take it at first. Kept telling him I wasn’t one of those girls, but he reassured that he knew that, giving me his number to call him.” she said, rubbing his face.

“She was very nervous. I guess she was worried I was wasting her time, just trying to smash and go like they were calling it, but I wasn’t. Most of the women I’ve dated had everything they worked that most successful men were looking to have on their arm. But me? I was just looking for someone that will make me happy, regardless of what they brought to the table. We went on a few dates to places she never been to, went shopping for new clothes, took her to do things she always wanted to do. All to see her smile, feeling the love that she always wanted.” said Terrance, rubbing her side.

They both looked at Hen and Junior, who were connecting very closely to the story they’re hearing, sitting closer to each other.

“I can remember the day I moved out of my group home. Or, should I say, kicked out. They were upset that I was, once again, seeing Terrance for another date instead of getting another job that I got accused of being his sugar baby, which didn’t make sense as Terrance is only three months older than me. So, I fought one of them.” she said, laughing at the last part.

“She called me crying, telling me what had happened and I told her she can’t stay there much longer. So, I drove over there as fast as I could and helped her move everything she owned into the car. She got her file, which had her birth certificate, social security card, and other documents that were very important and we left.”

“Were they fawning over you when you arrived?” asked Hen.

He scoffs, rolling his eyes.

“…it was fucking pathetic, Hen. Really. I told her not to hang up as she was packing whatever she could while I was on my way, and the whole time, they were insulting her. Saying the most disrespectful things over an assumption they made. But when I showed up, the energy changed. Oh wow, you’re cute, this is the guy Val’s been seeing?, you don’t need her, you need me like absolutely pathetic.”

“I moved into his place and we stayed in, order some Indian for take out. While we were eating, he asked me what do I see myself doing if this relationship went further, saying it’s okay to be honest….so I told him the truth. I didn’t want to work at all. I just wanted to be a stay-at-home wife and mom, taking care of the house, cooking since that’s what I like to do, cleaning if its needed, crocheting, reading, just being home while he worked. And, I broke down crying, feeling like I wasn’t the girl he wanted to be with since I have nothing remotely close to his achievements to offer. But instead of confirming it, he kissed me, saying he didn’t care about me not having shit. He just cared about being in love with me and bringing me along his journey with OuterMore.” she smiled, eyes begin tearing up.

“About three days later, I got a call from my supervisor. He said he wanted me to begin working with them as an agent immediately instead of continuing to be their associate, being impressed with the work in my portfolio. After I accepted the offer, I went to this jewelry store she liked and bought her dream engagement ring.” he said, looking at her and the ring on her left hand.

“He proposed to me at Inwood Hill a few hours later. Saying after six months of dating, listening to my past for hours, and thinking about the future I see for us, he decided that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, wanting to take care of me and our family. I said yes, obviously. Then, that Thursday of the week, after buying our wedding bands, we eloped at a courthouse in lower Manhattan. I wore this creamy silk dress with a white fur sleeve, sparkly white pumps, natural makeup, a side part that the Hollywood Divas had, a red lip, and matching diamond choker and earrings. With these gorgeous red buds as my bouquet.” she says, staring into the distance.

“And I wore a black suit and black shoes, not wanting to outshine her.” he adds, making them both laugh.

“We went to Miami for our honeymoon. Had so much fun being in the sun and going to salsa clubs. Then, we headed Cleveland, where he started the work on the program.”

“And now here we are. 8 years later.”

“Still going strong.” she said, hold her hand up to look at her engagement and wedding ring.

Terrance smiled, gently placing his hand with his band over hers. Hen watched them, fascinated by their love story while Junior looked at them with a puzzled look on him face.

“Is there a reason you haven’t welcomed a baby yet?” he asked, skepticism filling his voice.

Terrance sends a glare, stiffening up. Valerie looks at Junior, panicking in silent as she fights the urge to not reveal her true self. She squeezes his hand, hoping to calm down.

“I work too much.” said Terrance, relaxing his jaw. “I always wanted to have kids when we are ready. But, because I’m too focused on my assignments, I don’t wanna bring in babies if I’m not gonna be there for them. Or her.”

“Well. I hope you do have some. You two would be amazing parents.” said Junior before he gets up and walks out, stunning everyone.

“….did you say something wrong?” said Valerie, finally calming down.

“No. Let him be. He’s probably going back to his old self slowly. Which is normal for replicas to do when the real one is coming back.” said Terrance, looking down.

“I wanna apologize about what I said to you yesterday, Valerie. I shouldn’t have assumed that you were using him when I was just reacting negatively to how both of you loving each other while….me and him can’t do the same. What I said came from a place of hate and I’m sorry that I even said it.” said Hen, with an apologetic look in her eyes.

“…I accept your apology. But let me just tell you this as a way for you to understand: if it can’t get fixed after it’s broken….just let it go.” said Valerie, sending a small smile to her.

Hen nods shakily, understanding what she meant by that. Valerie wipes her face before standing up, fixing herself.

“Dinner was delicious, but Ima go change before I eat some of my cake. Don’t be greedy while I’m gone.” she said, kissing Terrance’s forehead before heading towards the stairs.

“Baby, wait.” he mumbles, following her.

“Hm?” she says, turning around to face him.

He steps closer, wrapping his hands around her waist, before placing a long, sweet kiss on her lips. She wraps her hands around his neck, kissing him back. She breaks it, catching her breath as he smiled, resting his chin on her head.

“Just because I’m in your embrace, it doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. Well, at least not yet. Understand?” she says, letting go of him.

“Yes, ma’am.”’ he replied quietly, watching her walk up the stairs.

“….you really do love her.” said Hen.

“She’s all I have. And I’m all she has.” he responds, walking back into the dining room, and picking up their plates before heading to the kitchen. Hen takes a swigs of her wine before getting up to do the same thing.

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

Changing out of her dress to a black, silky wrap dress that enhances her chest by pushing them up, she stands in front of the bathroom mirror, taking in her beauty.

Looking down, she unzips a black pouch and opens it up. Inside, its holds full and empty tabs: mini bullet shaped tablets, covered in the ‘OuterMore’ logo and serial numbers, that holds a light green liquid, specialized to keep her up and running without ever going bad. She changes it monthly since that’s how long it lasts, getting a yearly supply.

Picking up her magnetic tool, she places it on her upper left tricep, watching it connect to a spot, which lights up a glowing, white ‘OuterMore’ circular logo before it opens, sticking out a bloody covered empty tab. Using a cotton pad, she pulls it, disconnecting it from its hold. feeling the pressure releasing. Picking up a new one, she groans as she inserts it, feeling it connect before the circle sucks it, closing it.

Afterwards, she cleans the empty tab before placing it in the pouch and zipping it, washing her hands before walking out of the bathroom. After closing the door, she turns to head back down, but is stopped as Junior stands in front of her, leaning against the wall. She puffs, giving him a stern look.

“Whatever you’re about to say, I don’t wanna hear it.” she states as she turns.

Junior grabs her arm, gently pulling back and pinning her against the door. He steps into her space, breathing hard.

“If you mention it to Hen, I swear….”

“You swear to what? You’re gonna hurt me? Reveal that I got turned on by you watching us fuck like an audience member watching a play? Because he already knows and if anything, it makes him want you even more.” she said, tracing over his face.

Junior, alarmed by her reaction, steps back slowly. She smiles evilly, leaning forward.

“This isn’t over. This is just the beginning.” she whispered, glaring at him before heading downstairs.

Junior leaned against the wall, trying to figure out what she was meant by that.

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

Junior walks into the kitchen and grabs a beer. As he grabs a seat in the dining room, he overhears a song playing in the living room.

He looks and sees Hen sitting on the edge with a glass of wine as Valerie was eating some of her cake. They were watching Terrance, smoking and drinking, walk around the room as he began to recite the lyrics of the song playing:

I did not become someone different

That I did not want to be, as he walks to where Junior was watching, smoking his blunt before blowing the smoke out and putting up his fist.

But I'm new here

Will you show me around?, he said, looking at both Hen and Valerie.

“Maybe.” Hen replies in a flirty way.

“Watch it.” said Valerie, looking at her. Hen throws her hands up in a surrendering way as Terrance starts walking towards them slowly.

No matter how far wrong you've gone, he says, posing in front of them.

You can always turn around, as he nods with the blunt positioned in front of him, making all of them laugh as he takes another hit.

Met a woman in a bar, as he blows out the smoke and takes a seat between the women, sitting slightly closer to Hen.

Told her I was hard to get to know, as Junior walks in, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from the trio.

And near impossible to forget, as Valerie looks at him.

She said I had an ego on me, as Terrance leans in her space.

The size of Texas, as he kisses her neck, surprising her, who hits him in his chest, making him and Hen laugh.

Valerie grabs his wrist with the blunt, hits it, and blows in face before kissing him passionately, both fighting for control before she breaks it, chuckling on his shoulder. He smiles as he leans near Hen, who is slowly getting even more drunk as Junior watches, having an invidious look on his face.

“Ready?” asked Terrance.

No matter how far wrong you've gone, as him and Hen sang, with the latter mumbling it.

“Yeah..go..1, 2, 3, 4.” he whispered, holding an invisible microphone in front of her.

You can always turn around, as the trio sang happily, smiling and giggling.

“Wow, we’re all fucked.” said Valerie as she nibbled on her slice.

Terrance lets out a laugh as he places his glass on the table before leaning back and smoking. Valerie sips some of her wine as she gently rubs his thigh, making him send her a lustful look.

And I'm shedding plates like a snake, as Hen gets up, placing her glass on the table.

She does a playful hissing and snake hand motion towards Junior, who gets up to get away, but she pulls him back, begging him to stay. They spin for a moment as Valerie and Terrance, now laid out on the couch, watches.

“That’s it, man!” said a gleeful Terrance as Hen begins to kiss on Junior’s neck, making him blush. He looks at Valerie with an itch in his eye before leaning close to Hen’s ear, face dropping.

“I don’t want you two talking about me anymore.” he says loudly, but Hen ignores, still rubbing and kissing on him.

Terrance chuckles as Valerie watches with pity, feeling very bad for Hen in this moment. Junior begins kissing back, but she slowly begins to pull away, mood becoming sour.

“Hey, that’s it! That’s the spirit!” said Terrance, not understanding what’s going on as his eyes are half closed.

“Don’t make this even worse, baby.” said Valerie, sipping more.

Hen angrily walks off, leaving Junior alone with his embarrassment. She goes to their music box in the dining room and cuts the song abruptly, snapping Terrance out of it.

“….what happen?” he asks, looking at Junior, who looks back at him.

“Your hardheaded subject is a fucking mood killer.” said Valerie as she got up with her glass, walking to where Hen was.

Terrance watches her in a confused manner as Junior stood there, said nothing. In the dining room, Hen is finding the next song as Valerie appears next to her.

“Hey. Are you okay?” she asks, placing her hand on her shoulder.

“I’ll be fine. He’s just cranky.” said Hen, still searching.

“You have got to stop excusing him, Hen.”

“Val, please. I don’t wanna…”

“Just find the song.” she said, slowly becoming irritated.

After a few more minutes of searching, she finds the song, pressing play on it:

“Oh, I love this song here!” Valerie exclaims, slowly moving to the beat.

Hen walks to where the wine bottle was, pouring the remaining inside her glass, and drinking it. She joins Val, dancing along to the beat.

“What happen?” Terrance asked again, looking at Junior, who is also dancing slowly.

“Ah, fuck it.” he replied.

“You didn’t like us singing?”

“No.”

Terrance lets out a laugh as Junior continues dancing, not paying him no mind.

“Oh, you’re in for a good time.” he mumbled, drinking out of his glass.

The women begin dancing with each other, doing a couple’s routine.

The boy could sing, knew how to move, everything, as they spanned.

Always wanting more, he'd leave you longing for, as they dipped.

Black velvet and that little boy's smile, as they sang.

Black velvet with that slow southern style, as they span again.

A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees, as Valerie turns Hen forward, bringing her close and places her hands on her hips.

Black velvet if you please, as they grinded slowly into a semi-squat, surprising Hen.

“Oh, so you get down like this?” she asked, standing up with her. Valerie laughed, gently moving them back and forth.

“Only if the men stopped dancing. Or if I’m attracted to you.” she replied, turning her around to face her.

Hen makes a giddy expression, wrapping her hands around her neck.

“So you’re saying I have a chance?” she asked curiously, making both of them smile.

“That’s only if you actually want to be with a woman. And based on everything I know about you, you don’t have it.” she replied, spinning them around as Hen gasped.

The way he moved, it was a sin, so sweet and true, as they span.

Always wanting more, he'd leave you longing for, as they dipped.

Black velvet and that little boy's smile, as they sang, off-key this time.

Black velvet with that slow southern style, as they span again.

A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees, as Hen turns Valerie forward, bringing her close and slowly creeping her hand around her neck

Black velvet if you please, as they grinded slowly into a semi-squat, with her gently squeezing it, making Valerie smirk.

“Liked the response, but you’re still not selling it.” she said, causing Hen to scoff as both women laugh.

Suddenly, they hear someone clear their throat. As they looked up, they see Junior leaned against the frame, staring at them with an exasperated look. Hen, scared of what he’ll do, steps back but falls after her dress catches the ledge of the chair.

“Ow!” she yelps.

“Wow! Two in a row for mood killing, Junior.” said Valerie as she kneels to help her.

“Oh, don’t act like you wasn’t just grinding on her!” he yells, now angry.

“It’s called dancing with each other to the vibe of the song, which sounds like you don’t quite understand!” she said, helping Hen up.

Hen groans, rubbing her head. Junior rolls his eyes, not saying anything before walking into the kitchen.

“I think I’m done for the night.” she mumbled, now sleepily.

“Want me to help you to bed?” asked Valerie.

Hen nods, putting her arm around her waist as she does the same. They began walking, passing Junior on the way out as Valerie looks at Terrance.

“Baby, can you be a good boy and bring Hen a slice of the cake, maybe two ibuprofens, and a glass of water?” she asks as they head up.

“Yeah. I’ll be up in a second.” said Terrance, getting up to walk to the kitchen.

Junior, drinking another beer, watches Terrance take out a plate and slicing a piece of the cake, plating it before grabbing a glass and filling it with water from the pitcher. Placing the glass near the plate, he examines the cabinet until he find the ibuprofen bottle and shakes out two pills, placing them on the plate.

“You’re fine with your wife dancing on mines like that?” Junior asks, breaking the silence.

“We been kissing behind their backs for months.”

“So? That doesn’t make it okay.”

“I guess you two are almost even.” he replies, grabbing the plate and glass, walking towards the stairs.

“And I’m suppose to carry on while you’re not even mad?!”

“Junior.” he says, turning to look at him. “She’s attracted to women. Always has been. I know her type. Hen’s not one of them.”

He continues walking, with Junior’s tensive gaze following him.

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

Gently placing Hen in bed, Valerie moves over to let Terrance place the glass and plate on the nightstand before he goes out, closing the door behind him.

“Alright. When you wake up in the morning, you take at least one pill. If it’s even worse, take both. Eat some of the cake when you keep waking up. Helps with the nausea.” she said, placing the cover over Hen as the latter watches.

She gently traces over Valerie’s chest, making her breathe steady before removing her hands away. She leans forward, gently pushing Hen’s hair back.

“Hen. Don’t get me wrong, you are a beautiful woman. But, I know this is not what you truly want. You’re just doing this to get back at him for what he did tonight. Or you’re scared of the real Junior not meeting your needs when he comes home. Remember what I told you to do.” she states, looking at her.

She kisses her hands before getting up, walking to the door.

“…I don’t want him to go!” Hen cries out, sniffling.

Valerie sighs, turning to look at her.

“Then spend enough time with him tomorrow. At least you get an extra day alone with him. Try to treasure your memories before they take him.”

“And you feel nothing? Not even a bad feeling?”

“Like I said…..I’m used to it….I’m used to everything.”

She stood there, thinking about everything she’s witnessed since becoming a life long replica of Valerie. While there’s always the good moments, the bad ones seem to be the ones that stay in her mind as they shut them off after their final goodbye.

“Good night, Valerie.” said Hen, slowly closing her eyes.

“Good night, Hen.” she replied, walking out the door.

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

As Valerie walks to her room, the door of the room, that Junior and Terrance were in earlier, opens. Terrance pops out, looking at her.

“Hey.” he says.

“Hey.” she says, smiling a little.

“Did you want to come and sit as I examine Junior?”

“Examine? Ain’t it a little too late for that?”

“Yeah, but……he seems a little…..tense. And I think you and I can help him with that.” he says, gently pulling her close.

“….are you insane? I thought you wouldn’t violate your policy, putting all of us in jeopardy!” she said, pushing him back. He laughs, pulling her back.

“We can erase it. It’s not hard and only takes 30 minutes. I can do it tomorrow after I take you home. Plus…”

He trails off as he places kisses on her neck, making her tense up, heat rising all over her.

“You admitted to him watching us. So Why. Don’t. We. Punish. Him?” he says in between kisses as he rubs her breasts.

Valerie laughs, moaning quietly as she rubs Terrance’s length through his pants while looking at a very shirtless, drunk Junior, who’s facing the wall, back towards them.

“Fine. As long as I’m in control.” she replied, walking into room.

“Always.” he whispers, closing the door behind him, which startles Junior.

“What the fuck, man?” he asked, turning to look at him.

He stops, looking at Valerie, who winks at him before taking a seat on the bed. Terrance walks over to a box, retrieving a small device dot as he turns on the control system, which detects breathing, water intake, and heartbeating.

“Valerie is going to sit in if that’s okay.” he says, looking at Junior.

“Yeah. That’s fine.” he replied, still looking at her.

Terrance walks over, standing on his right as he turns him forward while Valerie lays across the bed.

“Hold your arm up like this.” he says, gently lifting Junior’s arm up.

“Have you two been drinkinnnng?” he asks drunkly, holding the arm up.

“I think we all been drinking.” replied Valerie, making all three of them laugh.

Terrance places the dot on his armpit, looking at him while pressing it down to seal it. Junior looks at him, a glare in his eyes as Valerie watches.

“Is something bothering you?” he asks.

“Mmmm.” as he shakes his head.

“…I can feel it in you.”

“No….its more like an awakening.” he replied, lifting his left arm up.

Terrance nods, removing his hands as he turned to grab his glass of wine off the nightstand, walking back to the box as he signals Valerie to ask the next question on the paper next to her.

“And how has this awakening affected Hen?” she asks, making him turn to look at her in a discreetly manner.

He laughs, letting out a strange sound as Terrance watches.

“….are you working with OuterMore too?” he asks.

“What makes you think that?”

“Asking questions about Hen. Suddenly showing concern for her? Was that story you were telling earlier planned? Did he tell you to do that?”

“Oh yes. I faked everything for sympathy, especially for the one who’s trying to save their marriage.” she replied sarcastically, making Terrance laugh.

“You’re fucking sick. Him being here and asking questions about her is sick, you’re being okay with it—“

“Back at square one.” she mumbled.

“Everything is just fucking sick with you two.”

“Look, she was just wondering as it’s apart of the questions. You don’t have to be rude about it.” said Terrance as he places a bracelet on Junior’s left wrist.

“What is that?!” he says, looking at it.

“It monitors your hydration. Does she tells you what she likes?” he asks, handing Valerie a glass of water.

Junior looks at him, very confused about the question as Valerie scoots to lay against the railing, retrieving the water.

“…what’s that?”

Valerie chuckles, sipping her water as she knows where her husband is going with this.

“…your wife, Junior. Is she open and honest with her preferences?” asks Terrance, who’s voice goes a little deep.

“About what?”

“Come on…you know….fucking.” he replies with a delicious lustful tone on the last word.

Valerie groans a bit, slightly becoming aroused by his questioning as Junior, who is slowly becoming annoyed but turned on, stares at him.

“Is she explicit about what she likes?”

“You’re sick.” said Junior.

“What she needs.”

“Fuck you.” he said, giggling as Terrance continued.

“Every relationship depends on open and honest communication, you know that.” he says as he sits down in his chair.

“Oh, fuck you.”

“He’s not hearing it at all.” said Valerie, now rubbing her leg.

“It’s fine. Its fine. It’s just a conversation.” he says, giggling along with Junior, who now stares at the both of them.

Junior slowly gets up from his chair, turning it to face forward, before sitting down, keeping an intense glare on Terrance, who matches his energy.

“..do you enjoy playing with us?” asks Junior.

“People fascinate me. You-you two fascinate me.” said Terrance, looking at Valerie, who is now sitting forward.

“Is that how you keep your marriage alive?”

“….I listen to her preferences. Her needs. Her orders. Even if she doesn’t say it explicitly.” he replied, not taking his eyes off her.

“Oh. So you’re not the one in control.”

“Never was. And he wanted it that way.” said Valerie, getting up.

“Oh really?”

She nodded, gently tracing Terrance’s arms as she slowly walked around him, making him lick his lips.

“He was bored of being in control while making love, felt like it should be an equal thing that shouldn’t be looked down on. So, I asked him what did want me to do.” she says as she stands in front of him, facing Junior.

“….what did he say?”

“Bark orders. Tell him what to do, choke him, tease him, slap him, punish him, was into degrading until I got a little uncomfortable, and my favorite: denying him of release.” she says as she sits on his lap, feeling his length poking at her.

“Does he know you like being watched like a fucking whore would?” he asks, looking at the both of them.

Valerie chuckles as she begins kissing Terrance, grinding against his length, which makes him let out a few groans. Junior looks away, moving his hands to cover his now growing length. Terrance breaks the kiss, looking at him.

“She already admitted that when she told me you were there the night I was fucking her against the couch. The same day you got on your knees and sucked me off while Hen was out.” he said, making Junior look at him in an appalling way and Valerie laughing, getting up.

She knew they kissed a few times, but Junior blowing Terrance, even though he hates them? Oh, this just makes this night even more interesting and exciting for her.

“….I thought you weren’t real. Assumed the wife thing was just him lying about his attraction.” he confessed, looking at her with a pathetic look.

“So that’s why you were out there? You were hoping he was really alone so you two could fuck and Hen wouldn’t find out. Tsk tsk.” she replied, taking a swig from Terrance’s wine glass.

She gently tracing over Junior’s chest, taking in everything she just found out just in this moment. She slowly sits in his lap, hearing him wince as her ass rubbed against his length as Terrance looks on, gently rubbing his own.

“You know, baby…..you did a good job choosing the first man, I’ll give you that. But him though? Oh, you definitely wanted a brat to fuck.” she says, hearing Terrance chuckle.

“First man? You guys are open?” asks Junior.

“No. We’re almost that, but it was just me bringing home women I wanted to fuck and sharing with him. I don’t know what’s it called, but it’s that.” she says, wrapping her arms around him.

“You do this with all of your subjects? Risking your job while lying to their partners?” said Junior, getting heated.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t go along with it when you’re the one who made the first move.” said Terrance.

“Please. How many men have you said that to?”

“You’re the first one. I made sure to never hook up with any of the female subjects, wives, or girlfriends as a way to protect his job. Hell, I didn’t think he would actually get attracted to a man ever. Until he got assigned to you. And suddenly, you started to pop up in his mind…”

She begins moving her hips against his clothed length, making Junior hold in his groans as Terrance becomes even more aroused.

“He probably was thinking about you while he was fucking me. Imagining you twisted all up on the couch, stroking yourself as he pounds that attitude out of you, basically dominating you as you moaning under him.” she said, gently sucking his neck.

“My god, y’all are sick.” he whispered, groaning at the sensation of her essence soaking him.

She stops abruptly, making Junior hold a scowl at her. She removes her arms, placing them at her sides.

“So push me off. Since you hate it so bad. Be a real man like you are.”

He looks at Terrance, who is waiting for him to make the next move. Looking her up and down, he takes in her beauty, understanding why Terrance chosen her as his wife. Who wouldn’t want to be with this beautiful woman forever?

Looking down to where the string is, he pulls it, which unwraps and opens her dress, exposing her breasts and underwear. He removed it, tossing it to the side as he looks at her breasts, salivating at the roundness and hard nipples. He gently touches them until she raised his arms up, holding them hostage. She smiles at him, leaning in.

“You’re gonna obey me and Terrance. Which means no touching, including yourself, no fucking unless one of us tells you to move, and no disobeying. Understand?” she said, leaning over him.

“…yes.” he nodded, locking eyes with her.

Valerie motions Terrance to come to them, which he does. She gently pulls him down to her, placing a sloppy kiss on his mouth before turning back to Junior, who watches hungrily. She traces his mouth with her fingers before giving him a sloppy kiss as well, with him slightly fighting back.

“Don’t get too greedy, baby.” whispered Terrance, rubbing her back.

She pulls away, moving to the side a bit as she pulled Terrance to Junior, backing up to give them space. The men hesitated for a moment before embracing in a kiss, with Terrance wrapping his hand around Junior’s neck. She carefully slides out of Junior’s lap, walking to get a sip of water.

Terrance breaks the kiss, breathing very hard as he smirks at Junior, lust consuming the both of them. He picks him up by the neck, almost having him off his feet and suffocating him.

“What do you want to do with our toy?” he asks, looking at her.

She sips her water before walking over them, rubbing Junior’s face. She tugs at his pants, unbuckling them and removing it, leaving him with a growing tent in his underwear. She touches it, making him flinch before kissing his cheek.

“I want to see how he blew you. Wondering if he did a good job.” she said, kneeling down to her knees.

Terrance moans, letting Junior go and begins removing his clothes. Valerie motions Junior to kiss her on the neck, in which he does as she gently slides her hand into his underwear.

“Wow. You’re very hard and submissive.” she mumbled, gently stroking his length, making him moan quietly.

After throwing his underwear to the side, Terrance stands in front the duo, stroking his length as Valerie removes her hand, gently wrapping it around his length.

“Ladies first.” said Junior, making all three of them laugh.

Moving herself in position, she engulfs him into her mouth, earning a loud groan from Terrance. She grabs Junior’s hands and places them on her hair, signaling him to hold it. She continues sucking him, gently massaging his balls as she strokes the rest, keeping her eyes up at Terrance. Junior watches intensely, feeling warmth growing inside of him.

“You wanna make Hen happy? Let her take control in the bedroom.” said Terrance, groaning immediately as Valerie takes him out, catching her breath.

She moves back, letting Junior get in her position. Terrance lifts his face up, tapping the side of his mouth to signal ‘open’, which he does, sticking his tongue. He taps his tip on it, rubbing it for a few moments before sliding into his mouth, using his head as leverage as he begins fucking it. Junior, taken aback by the move, placing his hands on his thighs to push back, but receives a hard slap on his ass from Valerie.

“Put them down. Just breathe through your nose and keep your balance.” she says, pushing his arms down.

Terrance begins moving his hips forward, carefully going a sluggish pace as Junior tries to keep his balance, but pulls away, coughing very hard. Valerie laughs, standing next to him.

“Watch me.” she says, inserting Terrance’s length back into her mouth, but removing her hands.

He resumes his pace, with the sounds of her slurping and gagging filling up the room. She stops him, catching her breath. She gently strokes him as she guides Junior to his length by his neck.

“Do what I did. Just without falling or choking.” she whispers, inserting Terrence’s length into his mouth.

Junior focuses on breathing and keeping himself up as he matches his aggressive pace, hearing him moan loudly as he hits the back of his throat a few times. Valerie watches, aroused by him pleasuring her husband with his mouth.

Noticing how close Terrance was to his release, she removes his length from his mouth, making him exhale hard. He leans down to kiss her passionately before doing the same to Junior.

“Where do you want us next?” asked Terrance, looking at Valerie.

She points at the bed with her head before getting up to lay on it. The men followed, each sitting on one side of her: Junior on her right and Terrance on her left. She pulls the both men into a big kiss before moving each one to one of her breasts, in which both begin to suck, nibbling a bit.

“Fuck, that feels so good.” she moans, rubbing their heads.

Terrance begins kissing down to her pussy, rubs his hands over the lace as he looks up at Junior, who is now fondling her other breast with his hand.

“Baby, can you blow him for me as I devour you?” he asks, tracing Junior’s shoulder.

She nods as she gently removes him from her breasts, lies down on the bed, with her legs opening up for him as she ushers Junior into standing up in front of her. As she pulls down his underwear, his hard length bounces out, making her let out a gasp.

“Oh, you been waiting…” she says, wrapping her hands around it, gently stroking and placing kisses on it, making him close his eyes and groan at the sensation.

“Eyes on me, Junior.” she said, sliding her underwear down as Terrance removes it, propping her legs on his shoulders before licking her slit, making her flinch.

“You’re tense, huh?” he asked, looking at her before sucking her clit.

She lets out a few moans before engulfing Junior’s length into her mouth, stroking the rest that couldn’t fit. She places one of his hands on one of her breasts, signaling him to fondle it as Terrance inserts two fingers inside, gently plumping in and out of her.

The sounds of Junior’s moaning, Valerie’s gagging, and Terrance’s slurping fills the room as both Junior and Valerie feel their release building. Valerie pushes Terrance’s head down deeper as she gently massages Junior’s balls to add to the feeling.

Just as Junior was almost close, she releases his length from her mouth, watching it move up and down as the latter catches his breath.

“Is this what y’all meant?” he asks, falling next to her on the bed.

“Mmmhmm.” is all she could get out as Terrance sped up his pace, rubbing her clit while licking it.

After letting out a few more moans, she came very hard, wetting more of his face with her essence as she shooked under his hold. Letting out a pop! sound, he gets up, wiping his face before sucking off his fingers. He leans down and kisses her, biting her lip in the process.

“What’s our next order?” he asks.

“I want…I want you to fuck him.” she said exhaustively, tapping Junior’s leg.

Junior laughed before turning on his stomach, getting on his knees as Terrance retreats to retrieve a condom. Valerie looks up at him, who looks down at her.

“Remember: just breathe and don’t lost your balance…..unless the pain doesn’t simmer.” she said, touching his face.

He nods as Terrance returned, with a condom wrapped around his length and lube. He fixes his position, placing a pillow under his chest as he arched Junior’s back a little more. Lightly slapping his ass, he squeezes some lube on his hole, spreading it with his tip, watching it clench a few times.

“You begging for me real bad, huh..” he mumbled, gently poking at it.

“Don’t do that…..you’re gonna make me cum quickly.” Junior whines, trying to pull away, but receives a hard slap on his right cheek, making him let out a muffled yelp.

“Fix your posture. Don’t make me tell you again.”

Junior obliged, moving back towards him as he lined himself at his entrance. Holding his hips with one hand as the other inserts his length inside carefully, they both let out a loud groan, with Terrance leaning himself over him.

“Breathe, breathe, breathe.” whispered Valerie into Junior’s ear, rubbing his back as he let outs harsh breaths.

Terrance moved his hips a bit to fill in more, making Junior tense up bit. He pulls out, kneels down and begins to trace his hole with his tongue, giving him good licks, making him press backwards.

“Fuck…” mumbled Junior, not used to feeling this amazing pleasure, but it being done by a man. Boy, he hopes Hen never finds out about this.

Valerie gently kisses his back, locking eyes with Terrance, who is very focused on stretching Junior out. He stops, pushes him back gently, and re-inserts himself, this time fully inside. He begins a canny pace, smacking his ass with his pelvis.

“Is that the best you can do?” he asks, looking slightly at Terrance, who has an animality look on his face.

“You want that?” he replied, smiling with an evil smirk.

“…do it. Don’t be a pussy in front of her.”

Valerie’s jaw drops, holding in a laugh as she removed herself from his back. Oh, he definitely set something off in him because suddenly, Terrance grabs his neck to pull him towards his chest and begins going at a rapid pace, thrusting very hard.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” is all he could get out, feeling Terrance squeezing his neck hard, grunting loud in his ear.

“That’s it. Submit. To. Me!” he says, shoving Junior down to the bed, continuing his brutal pounding.

Junior’s moans fill the room as he fills himself building up again, clenching around him.

“It’s too much, please.” he whines, trying to push him back but gets his arms put in a hold, making him let out an evil laugh.

“Nah, be a good toy and taking it like a good one should.” he says, slapping his ass a few times.

As Terrance gives him a few more thrusts, he pulls out, preventing him and his own release and falls into the chair. Junior winces, once again being denied as the men catch their breaths. A few moments later, he gets flipped onto his back, feeling a condom being wrapped around his member.

“What’s next?” he asks weakly.

“Turn on your side.” said Valerie, pecking his nose.

He does so, placing a pillow under him as Valerie lays in front, her back facing him. She grabs one of his hands and places it on her rib as she moves the other one under her leg, hooking it. She takes his length and inserts it in her pussy, both letting out groans.

“Match his pace. Don’t go too rough.” she said, moving his hand to her neck.

Junior begins thrusting his hips in a snappily motion, his balls slapping her lips. She lets out a slew of moans and gasps, gently rubbing her clit. He squeezes her neck tightly, picking up his pace.

“You like that? Being fucked in front of your husband after he just got done fucking me?” he whispered, earning a audible moan from her as he locked eyes with Terrance, who is stroking him.

She turns her head to passionately make out with him, with him continuing his thrusts. Unknownst to them, Terrance gets up, lays behind Junior, and re-enters from behind, making him groan and stop.

“Nah, don’t stop. Come on.” he slaps his ass. “Continue.” as he thrusts into him.

Junior resumes, matching each thrust as he hits Valerie’s sweet spot consistently, making her let out some tearful moans. Terrance smirks, placing wet kisses all over his shoulder.

“There you go….fighting back a bit.”

“You close?”

“No. You?”

“Almost. She can’t stop clenching around me.”

“She’s close too.”

Valerie laughs hoarsely as both pick up their pace, sloppily thrusting into each other. After a few more thrusts, the trio all cum simultaneously, with Valerie shaking and squirting under Junior as both him and Terrance fill up their condoms. All catching their breaths as Terrance removes himself from Junior, with the latter removing himself from Valerie.

“..We..we’re not done, are we?” asked Junior, looking between the couple.

Both shake their heads, making Junior chuckle weakly. Terrance gets up, grabs a sip of wine before removing his semen filled condom, tossing it in the trash. He picks up Valerie and places her on top of Junior, gently reinserting his length inside of her.

“Fuck.” she whined.

“Hold still.” said Terrance, fixing their position.

Then, he inserts himself inside her, making her groan and shoot up as Junior gasps, not knowing they were both gonna fuck her inside at once.

“Wait, doesn’t this hurt?” Junior asked in a worrying tone.

She looks down at him, tears in her eyes. She shakes her head, smiling at him with a mesmerized expression. Oh my god, we broke her he said in his mind.

“No. He just remembered a fantasy I told him about.” she said, before turning to give him a kiss.

Terrance kisses her back before turn her forward, pushing her down before he started to pound her, earning some vulgar sounds from her that mixed in with her wetness. Junior watched, seeing her enjoy being dominated as she’s on top of him.

“Hey.” he said, lightly slapping Junior’s face. “Just because I’m up doing my job, doesn’t mean you can sit back and enjoy. Start moving those hips.”

Junior obliged, pumping his hips upwards as she wrapped her hands around his neck, keeping her balance up. Terrance grabs her hair, making her arch her back.

“Look at you. Taking me and him very hungrily. You wanted this to happen, didn’t you?”

“Mmhm.” she said, earning a hard slap on her ass, making her yelp.

“When I ask you a question, I expect an answer, not a sound. So let me ask you again: you wanted this to happen, didn’t you?” he asks again, giving her deep thrusts.

“Yes! Ever since that night he was watching us!” she responded, squeezing Junior’s neck, making him moan.

“Look at you two. Both sharing me while all over each other. You think I wouldn’t notice?”

“No. No, sir.” said Junior, grunting as he feels himself getting ready to release again. Terrance smirks, leaning forward to topple over Valerie, speeding up his pace.

“Good job, toy. Now help me make her cum again.” he says, kissing on her neck.

The men continuously hit Valerie’s sweet spot, making her clench and moan loudly as she eagerly attempts to keep up, but failing as her body started to tense up.

Junior pulls out, removing his semen filled condom to stroke himself, doing this until his expletive filled release came, shooting on him and Valerie’s thighs. Terrance’s luscious release follows behind, releasing his load deeply inside, making Valerie meet her euphoric release a few moments later.

The trio kisses each other one last time before collapsing on the bed, catching their breaths. After a few minutes, Terrance get up and walks out of the room, leaving the door open to hear water running from the bathroom. Coming back in with a bowl and towels, he gently wipes both of them, getting rid of the sweat and fluids that are all over their bodies before doing it to himself. Valerie looks at Junior, who begins to fall asleep.

“….we wore your ass out, huh?” asked Valerie, rubbing his face.

“Mmhm.” he said, slowly falling asleep.

Terrance lays next to her, kissing her shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her.

“How you feel?” he asks.

“Pleased. Exhausted. A little worried she may have heard us.”

“She won’t know. And he’ll forget when I erase the memories. This only happened between just the two of us.”

“Or three if you wanna be technical.”

Terrance smiles before kissing her, falling asleep as Valerie looked at the door. She thought to herself what if she was actually listening and is planning to snitch, but erased it from her mind, thinking we can say she was very drunk and probably imagined it before falling asleep.

🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲 🜲

A/N II: Its been a really rough week, so I’m glad I finished this. Before someone asks, no. Black Velvet did not play in Foe. I just don’t know the name of the song Hen puts on after I’m New Here.

Part 4 (the Finale) will be out mid-month as I am too depressed from the elections to write it. Stay safe everyone, especially the ones living in the red states/about to suffer if you international. And go to hell if you voted for him!

Taglist: @urfavblackbimbo @blyffe @literallegendicon @kimuzostar @aaronpdaily

[the-head-ancho-chilli]

The Hashira and their Sense of Humor

Apologies for the hiatus! A lot has happened over the last couple of months and I'm finally getting some of them (somewhat) resolved through therapy and A LOT of patience with myself. So here's a post that I written back in October that brings me so much joy! Thank you all for your patience ^^

Word count: 2k~

Mitsuri Kanroji

You know those types of people who want to tell you a really funny story but they need to stop laughing first?

And they've been laughing for the past fifteen minutes?

Yeah that's Mitsuri

I'm not entirely sure what to categorize this either than comedic storytelling

She could probably be a standup comedian too, she has some good stories to tell

But Mitsuri is really in her element when when someone else is telling a mildly amusing story

She will just keep adding onto it to somehow make it even more funnier than it was originally intended

Misturi could make an inside joke between you guys too, she is the designated funny friend of the Hashira

I also feel like she sometimes makes self-deprecating jokes, but not on any serious topics

Like she enjoys poking fun at the fact that she's still single

For an example, Mitsuri and Shinobu could be making an order at a restaurant for lunch

By the time Mitsuri finishes her first round of food and hands the dishes to the waiter, she accidentally drops them causing all the plates and bowls to shatter all over the floor

She tries to help clean up but the staff insists that she shouldn't worry about it

Sitting back down with Shinobu, cheeks red from embarrassment, Mitsuri will crack an awkward smile and say "Yeah, this is why I'm still single!"

Obanai Iguro

Obanai is the most sarcastic motherfucker on this list

I feel like his number one policy is "Don't ask me stupid questions"

He's already annoyed like 70% of the time, just don't annoy him even more

But then again...

"Hey Obanai, did you lose this?" "No I was just playing hide and seek with an inanimate object for fun, YES I fucking dropped it"

"You look really tired, are you doing okay?" "Hell yeah, nothing says healthy like eye bags as dark as my hair"

"Can I pet your snake?" "Yeah you just gotta let him nibble you first but don't worry, he's only venomous"

Usually he's kinda rude about it but he does have his nice moments

"Hey Obanai, can you pass me that?" Obanai will just say no but hand and just hand it to you anyways

Some people just don't understand sarcasm all the time and that's when he kinda runs into some trouble

Obanai and Kyojuro were walking to a meeting together, but Obanai had forgotten his jacket AND haori

It was quite chilly outside too, so poor Obanai was shivering while trying to keep Kaburamaru warm

Kyojuro asked Obanai "My friend, winter is coming! Aren't you cold?"

Obanai deadpanned and said "Of course not, I'm just practicing my acting. Glad to see that my shivering is that convincing"

"How interesting! Maybe you should audition for a play at the theatre!"

Obanai's annoyance kept him warm for the rest of the day

Tengen Uzui

Quite an obvious statement, but Tengen’s humor mainly comprises of sex jokes and innuendos

The man has three wives, of course he would find that shit funny

Like he will be in the middle of a meeting, and everyone will line up to receive some gifts from Kagaya

He will say "Come in a straight line, my students"

Tengen will chuckle and say "That's what she said"

Tengen is also the type to be "gay with the homies" and loves to embarrass Sanemi and Obanai by making jokes about being in love or hooking up with them

He chooses specifically those two because it felt awkward to make the jokes to Gyomei

Tengen once spent forty-five minutes explaining to Kyojuro that he didn't actually want to buy him dinner after Kyojuro gave him a genuinely offended look to the highest degree

"How deceitful of you, Tengen"

He pretty much wrote off saying jokes like that to Kyojuro following that incident, but he really can't help himself sometimes

I don't think that Tengen solely has generic innuendos he uses on everyone, he likes testing what SPECIFIC category of sex jokes makes people uncomfortable

Like if Giyu goes to the bathroom, Tengen will saunter up with a finger gun on his chin and ask "Pissing all by yourself, handsome?"

Everyone is throwing their shoes at him

Sanemi Shinazugawa

Of course this sadistic bastard likes slapstick, what we’re you thinking?

He may be good at holding in a laugh, but you can still see that stupid smirk on his face if anyone stumbles

One time Tengen's six foot ass fell face first while running late to a meeting

Sanemi actually struggled to keep his composure that day, he had to bite his lips together to hide the uncontrollable grin on his face

People getting smacked upside the head, tripping others, people getting violently angry, Sanemi loves it all

He refuses to admit that Zenitsu is funny

Now a regular civilian is one thing, but children getting roughed up is another

there was a particular incident where Sanemi had come across some kids swinging on a tree branch near a market he occasionally visited

This week ass branch definitely didn't have the strength to hold up any of those kids

So Sanemi did what any sane person would, and stuck around to watch this disaster happen

Well unfortunately for this one child, the branch snapped mid-swing and fell right on their face

And there was Sanemi, a hand over his stomach from laughing at these dumb kids

He didn't even stop to help them or anything, just calmed down from laughing so hard and walked away to continue shopping

Shinobu Kocho

An absolute queen of insult humor

Even Sanemi can’t beat Shinobu at her best

Do you even think she would stick with the basic ass jokes? Of course not

She can be an absolute menace if she really wants to

Shinobu is just tired of everyone's shit, and she can get even more exhausted from putting on that smile nearly as much as Kyojuro

She just can't keep up

Which brings me to my main point, which is that Shinobu's funny side usually comes out in rants or vents with the people closest to her

She and Mitsuri both express their humor by storytelling, Shinobu's just originates more from anger an annoyance rather than an effort to be entertaining

Regardless of who Shinobu's around, everyone can tell that when she walks through the door with steam coming out of her ears, everyone's gonna be laughing their asses off

As anyone can agree if they've worked in any form of customer service, there are some days where you are so damn close to breaking your cool

When Tengen got placed in the Butterfly Estate's infirmary, Shinobu was actually going to kill a patient instead of saving them for once

Like this man was just demanding shit and teasing his friend left and right, and Aoi had never been so afraid of her mentor in her entire life

Aoi tried to calm her down, "Sticks and stones Shinobu, don't let him get to you!"

Tengen only snickered

Ooooo, she lost her shit

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but PLEASE. FUCK. OFF"

Angy Shinobu is best Shinobu

Kyojuro Rengoku

Look me in the eyes and tell me Kyojuro doesn’t like puns

I know you can't do it

He will howl with laughter nearly every time you tell him a pun

"Hey Kyo, you're never gonna believe it! Remember my friend with a bakery? Well it just burned down!"

At first he'll show genuine concern, politely shouting "How unfortunate!"

"Don't worry about it, his business is toast"

Give him a minute...

"Ahahaha! Good one!"

Not only does he like being told puns, but if he has a good opportunity to tell a well timed pun he will not stop giggling until he tells it

One time you, Tengen, Mitsuri, and Kyojuro were all trying to decide where to eat after a long day of work

At one point Tengen suggested hotpot, even offering to take you all to one that Makio and Suma liked

Kyojuro tried muffling his laughing, but his attention was redirected when you asked him what he thought of the idea

Finally able to cease his giggles, Kyojuro proudly shouted "SOUPER"

It doesn't matter if you find the joke funny or not, Kyojuro's laughter is so contagious that you're dying at the silly pun

What a fucking dork <3

Giyu Tomioka

If there was a form of comedy that’s applicable at any given moment, Giyu would use it on a daily basis

Luckily for him, Giyu discovered it very quicky and refuses to let the tactic go

That's right, Giyu is physically incapable of stopping himself from making a "your mom" joke

Everyone can blame Obanai for that one

Quite literally at any opportunity, Giyu will mutter the phrase under his breath

Unfortunately, because it has become such an unconscious thing for Giyu, this bad habit of his ends up kicking his ass at the worst of times

with all due respect to Giyu's efforts, it just makes him unintentionally funny

in an awkward way

Giyu visited one of his favourite restaurants on his day off, the waiter asked "Is there anything else you would like, sir?" after giving his order

Now Giyu didn't mean it, he really didn't

It just slipped out of his mouth so easily

"Your mom"

Let me tell you, the silence was absolutely deafening

After the two stared at each other in mutual confusion, Giyu just wordlessly left due to the sheer embarrassment and awkwardness he had caused

He tried to go back, truly, Giyu made the effort and walked through the door

But he made uncomfortable eye contact with that same waiter and walked out

He hasn't gone back to that restaurant since ;,)

Gyomei Himijima

I have already established in my Gyomei Headcannons post that Gyomei is the dad friend of the Hashira (go check out that post if you haven’t btw ^^)

So of course he's going to make dad jokes, everyone saw this coming

God forbid you ever complain around him, he will see it as an opportunity (usually)

"Man, I'm really hungry" Gyomei will hand you a bento box and say "Hi hungry, I'm prepared

He is THAT GUY that makes "I haven't seen you since last year!" jokes

Every single year without fail

Shockingly, Gyomei and Kyojuro will bond over their mutual love for super corny jokes

One time while training Genya, Gyomei asked him "Child, what is long and sticky?"

Genya paused his routine to think for a moment, slightly disturbed by the question

"I don't know what you- fresh mochi?" Gyomei shook his head

Genya made a claw gesture with his hands, knowing Gyomei couldn't see it

"No idea, what's long and sticky?"

Gyomei gave a small, sly smile before responding

"A stick, little one"

To be honest, Gyomei's jokes do annoy some of the Hashira whenever he makes them (mainly Shinobu, Obanai and Tengen)

Normally because he's so calm about it

Tengen usually is one to lose his temper over it though

"You really got a joke for about everything, huh?" "Indeed I do, Tengen. I even have one about construction"

Tengen's eye will twitch as he taunts Gyomei "Oh yeah? Well let's hear it then!"

"I'm afraid I can't, my friend. I'm still working on it"

Kyojuro's laugh echoes throughout the meeting as Tengen realizes he most definitely walked into that one

Muichiro Tokito

His sense of humor is weird

That’s all I have, anything that Muichiro finds funny is actually kinda strange

He does this thing where he will go in with a fistbump, but change it to a high five last second

Muichiro can do it the other way around too, but regardless it results in this silly fist-five thing that makes him chuckle

He's a little bit of a devious child so his sense of humor kinda comes from whatever will annoy the other Hashira

Sometimes he will sit in the middle of a meeting and just blow raspberries while spacing out a little

It annoys the fuck out of Sanemi and Obanai because Muichiro's spit gets EVERYWHERE

Even Giyu thinks that kid comes with his own splash zone

He's not one for pranks per say, but he likes reaping a bit of terror amongst the other Hashira

One time Muichiro stole Tengen's red eyeliner one weekend purely for entertainment

the next day when everyone showed up to the meeting, people got to witness a very distressed Tengen

Holding up Sanemi and Obanai midair by the collar of their shirts, Tengen interrogated the both of them where they hid his shockingly expensive liner

Of course no one would suspect the slobbering kid, who was inconspicuously blowing raspberries

Had anyone asked Muichiro if he saw Tengen's liner, Muichiro would turn to the fuming man and giggle

Secretly, Aoi is Muichiro's unknowing accomplice in these scenarios

"Here Aoi, could you hold this for a while?" "Uhh, sure? What is it for?" "Hmm? Oh nothing..."

Don't underestimate this little shit

꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚ ꒷꒦˚︶︶꒦꒷︶꒷꒦˚

Hey y’all! Hope you liked this post, it was such a pleasure to write it ^^

I’m hoping that now I’ll be able to write more for this blog now that I have more time, and I have more posts lined up in the future :)

Ask box and requests are still open, just please read the rules before submitting anything!

[randomsufff]

HEHAHBFKI More South Park doodles I think I’m going insane.

Actually this is kind of the product of me being liking South Park way back in high school but was too embarrassed to draw them when I was bored in class and now it’s all kinda flooding back 💀

Read below if you want to know more about my New Kid and my thoughts behind some of the doodles cause this turned out longer then I though 💀

Anyways- introducing my New Kid. No name cause I literally have no idea. Whatever the cannon name is ig- though I’d think it’d be funny if she was referred to New Kid by literally everyone like in game. I like the idea that a lot of people have with their New Kids that they liked the makeover section with the girls during the Stick of Truth a little too much. I also like it cause… uh… I didn’t play Stick of Truth. (The combat system is not my cup of tea) So it’s not until the start of TFBW does she know shes really a girl.

To give context to the top right drawing- I couldn’t remember the dialogue Wendy says in the alleyway if you say you’re a trans girl- but I do know what she says if your a cis girl (I always knew you were a girl) cause I did a second play through as a cis girl. And I don’t know if there’s supposed to be a huge time jump between the end of Stick of Truth and TFBW but I think it would be funny if it was just the next day- so combine these two fact to get “Wendy always clocked New Kid as a girl but NK just found out yesterday 💀”

Anyways- she’s such a cutie, I love her and her cool superhero outfit I gave her. Outside of the game- I’d like to think of her basically exactly how she acts in game. Mostly non-verbal, with the occasional zingy one liner, and just kinda goes along with the crazy shit the happens in South Park un phased. Like if she was in a episode- the plot would happen and she would be on screen, but wouldn’t say anything, and anytime another character would address her, they’d respond however as if she spoke lmao. Aroace, just like me, so she’s just friends with everyone (except Cartman) and vibes with everyone.

The mini Style comic I though of cause 1) I wondered if Kyle had the same elf ears as the other elfs did in game (again, never played and it’s been a while since I saw gameplay so whoops if it’s confirmed or whatever) and 2) I thought it would be funny if Stan was caught lacking and tried to /rp his way out of it (I wanted to add an extra bit where Kyle would be like “Oh, are our characters gay for each other??? (ARE YOU /SRS OR /J STAN)” and Stan would have to just “yes, and” his way out.)

The last three images were kinda of a stream of consciousness put on paper and made neat lol. I really like showing that all the costumes the kids wear are homemade and stuff- either stuff taken from their parents or visibly taped together etc- cause I think it’s charming. Anyways- I though Kyle’s little robe could be like one of his parents bath robe- and it would be a little too long for him to run without eating shit so he’d have to hike it up like a skirt/dress. Which lead to me thinking that Cartman would say some shit about that and how Kyle, who has a literal Golf Club, would smack his ass up. Which then lead to me thinking about how since Kyle’s the Elf King and Stan’s basically his right hand how he might lift it up wedding dress style if needed (/RP GUYS, RIGHT?RIGHT???) and how Cartman would react, which lead to that one JoJo meme cause thats literally how they’d retaliate.

Always- I’ll probably have at least one more post about South Park I swear. There was a period of time before I stopped watching (I gotta pick it up again) where I would doodle a bit of whatever was happening in the episode, each episode. Crazy I know, but not only did it improve my drawing skills but it helped me remember what actually happened in episodes cause I have shit memory and definitely don’t remember some of the episodes I watched. So I might redraw some of those- see if anyone can tell what episode they’re from.

[faunandfloraas]

Okay so!! Im back now and its journal entry time. highlights of dominATE sydney, in no particular order:

Chan starting the show by stealing the joke from the reporter from the project by being like we're straya kids hehehe

Lee know not really introducing himself but rather just chanting OI OI OI immediately (he continued this the rest of the night

Seungmin started the night by singing SYDNEYYYYY very passionatly and kept adlibbing Sydney into so mang songs for the rest of the night. My fave being "Cause stuff it all cuz I'm gonna go SYDNAYYY"

Han at one point was suddenly laying on the floor being all silly and then chan feigned stomping him ?? And my brother was like HUH lmao

Lee know kept feeling up Changbin (understandable) he also gave changbin the mic during lee knows part, so he had to sing them 🩷

Chan FINALLY saying fuck /into the mic/ after 150 years of me talking shit 🫶

The dad in front of me who honestly seemed more into the show than his teenage kids, perhaps helped by the fact he was smashing back beers- could hear him passionately trying to keep up with Han rapping at one point so automatically I respect him

The girl behind me who went CHANGBIN really deep and evil when she thought it was time for his solo but it was not in fact LMAO

Saw Hannah bahng! Saw Mr and Mrs Bang. They were very smiley, it was cute!

I got to see chan annoy seungmin briefly <3 with my own eyes 🥰

AUSSIE BOY HWANG HYUNJIN!! SYDNEY BOY HWANG HYUNJIN

Innie walked in front of the camera slightly ruining a hyunjin and han lil gay moment and made > :0 this face before ducking. Also him being all My stage Ahhh sexy 😇

Just any and all changbin.

Lee know and seungmins vocal lesson were really on display bc they Made Sure you could hear their voices over the music and I loved every second!

Chan railway was truly An Experience. He had me enthralled. He had my bro enthralled. He had the drunk dad enthralled.

Seungmin thanking chans dad for food LMAO

Hyunjins repeated winks at the camera being met with ungodly roars was totally expected and yet I roared along. Fanservice king if im honest.

Felix and chan being lil gronks together was so funny.... so good. I love them....

They faked it was the end and people did get up to go but I was like NUH UH seungmin was not the last one on that stage they're coming back!! And I was RIGHT and when they did end he was the last one and he ended the night with an evil cackle and it only cemented my love more 🫶

Lee know happy birthday!! Not to be a gay lil thing but I was so happy we got to sing it for him! And confuse him and hyunjin with the HIP HIP HOORAY also im p sure chan thinks its HIP IP lol

I also saw him eat shit and slip a lil which was funny, right at the end of the show.

Also lee know lifted seungmins arm in the air at the end this time! Not the other way around!! He did that for me, I think. Also put his arm around his shoulders- so 🫶 I got chan and seungmin and lee know and seungmin 🫶 my fellas 🫶

All in all it was so fun and the band was amazing too, the light show... such a good night.

And Bang Chan. Well. I love him. Lol. I really kinda do tho. He said I'm chris from Sydney and I was like Yeah! you are!! Idk. Everyone was amazing but he was the main event, maybe bc he's the sydney boy... also the fan event at the end was a sweet little animation and he was the prince and it made me laugh bc I do keep saying he's the crown prince of Sydney.... he's honestly really someone I think I'm quite happy to see representing us on such a big world stage, bc he does really seem to have such a big heart and a lot of love- idk. Christopher Bang. What a fella. His smile is truly like a beam and he was so happy and every time he was smiling, I was smiling, too. I hope he feels proud tonight, lol.

And I still wanna bite seungmin on the cheek 🫶 Suffice to say- best concert to break my many years no concert streak with 🩷 it was a lovely night.

Also felix went from being bone dry to soaked head to toe in about 3 seconds when I wasn't looking 😭

[beeswearpants]

so i watched the venom 3 trailer, freaked out like a schoolgirl, and god, how on earth will i be able to watch this in a theatre- in public- I’ll want to scream… ill want to squeal… i can’t watch this in the theater man!!!! its genuinely a concern I have to have its so funny to me cause god

little fun fact about myself I already made someone leave a theater from a venom-related reaction

i went to see spiderman with my friends, the last one. And i know nothing about marvel i’ve never seen any of it, I was just sitting there the whole movie, mildly confused but okay, but then… ending credits….

in a wave of pure shock and adrenaline, i screamed to the top of my lungs (APPARENTLY) “VENOM????!?!?!?” upon seeing them. so much so that it made a woman angrily storm out complaining cause she got so fed up with it. and this was the last spiderman movie!! the one where everyone is screaming and clapping and yapping all the time- so it must’ve been baad–

And I didn’t see no woman i didn’t notice i had screamed, my friends told me about it later cause I was LOCKED IN, i did NOT notice any of that!!! i felt so bad but i was STUNNED

my guys??? my gays??? on the big screen??? without warning?????? a surprise from MY guys??????????? HUH?????? OUT OF NOWHERE????? on the fuck ass marvel spiderman movie?????????? MY GUYS???? i was on the edge of my sit!!!! adrenaline!! pumping on my veins!! i was SHOCKED!!! hands over my mouth!!! made a lady leave the room!!

oh oh!!! and watching venom 2? i fell down my chair and scraped my knee-

every 5 minutes i had to pause it and run away from my computer, literally sprint away around my house giggling jumping-

the night club-coming out of the closet-sorry you’re not my type- scene? hit me so hard i fell down my chair, scraped my knee.. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, when i came to i was on the floor, i had such a visceral reaction I FELL

watching venom 2 in the safety and comfort of my own home made me fall down and scrap my knee-

I’m gonna die a venom related death I just know it

it’s gonna kill me someday

so it’s genuinely something i have to worry about and its so funny to me, APPARENTLY i cannot conceal my reactions when it comes to venom and i am tone deaf about it

god ill be on that movie theater squirming foaming out of my mouth in a straitjacket trying to contain my reactions

im scared. im not gonna make it. they'll have to take me out back the mall and shoot me😦😦

[lutewife]

luci with a short ma le reader the uses as an arm rest please?

Shorter!reader, male!reader, reader has anger issues, Lucifer is a smug mf, mutual pining

Warnings: Silliness all the way

Notes: I gotchu darlin'. My first ever male reader request, finally!! Sorry if it's too short (get it? short haha...), I have writer's block rn, so it's hard for me to even get to work 🥹🥹 But I cannot leave my requests hangin', so have it, nevertheless! Enjoy.

First of all, damn how come you're shorter than Lucifer?

Well, at least you're taller than Niffty, that's something. I'm sorry

The demon wonders that too when he first meets you. Considering that the first thing you do is...

Laugh at him.

"Damn, who would've thought that the king of hell would be this..." You gesticulate with your hand. "...Small."

You have the nerve to behave like that towards him, I'll give you that.

But the sight of Lucifer standing next to Alastor, who's a freaking giant compared to him is just too funny.

Until the irritated monarch comes up to you.

Everything would be fine, if it weren't for that you are MUCH shorter than him.

Damn it, genes!

The sight from above would be even funnier; an angry duckling, just looking up.

But he wasn't looking up, he was looking down. And he was fucking terrifying.

But hot.

You were just about to say "Sorry, daddy", but bit your tongue.

That would be kinda gay.

And a death wish to the boot.

But to your surprise, you weren't dead — yet. Instead, you felt something resting on your head.

Which was his arm.

How the tables have turned...

"Sooorry, couldn't hear you from down there, what were you saying?" He exaggerates smugly and leans into you even more, causing you to bend under the weight.

Oh, come on! You're not even that short! (You are.)

You try to free yourself from the fallen angel's strength, but fail miserably, as his smile widens even more.

So this is your life now...

From now on, whenever Lucifer visited the hotel, he bullied you, mercilessly.

Although the demon wouldn't admit it himself, it was only because he took a liking to you and your snarky behaviour.

That's why he loved turning it against you.

You were drinking with Husk? Lucifer sat next to you and used your head as an arm rest, causing you to slouch in your seat, comically.

You were trying to decorate the hotel with everyone and couldn't reach somewhere?

"Hey, dumbasses! I can't reach the place you made me 'decorate'!" You yelled with irritation. Why was the world always against you? After Angel told you to chill and Charlie apologized a little too much, Lucifer appeared. "Dad?! What're you..." "Don't worry sweetie, I got this." After saying this, he immediately scoops you up and using his wings, he flies up to the place (or rather much higher than it was needed). You blush furiously and swear him out in every language you know, just to hide the fact, that you like being bridal carried by him a little too much. Gay. "Y-You! You dumbass king! You, you, you...! You dumbo! Dumb bitch!" "Stop struggling! Is dumb the only word you know?!"

Anyway, you try to break free, and it ends with you falling on Lucifer and him falling face flat on the floor. Ouch.

Well, to put it mildly, your relationship was... Funny. One day, you were vibing in the library, as usual. But you couldn't reach the book on the last shelve, even after standing on a stool. Great. (Un)fortunely for you, Lucifer was just looking for you. Seeing you struggle as always put a smile on his face. "Need some help with getting that?" "Shut the fuck up. I can get this myself." You jumped up on the stool, but with no result. You tried to do it more times, but it was the same. "Sooooo?" God, you wanted to wipe his stupid, smug grin off his face. But you didn't have a choice. Bearing yourself, you groaned. "Get that for me." "Couldn't hear you from down there, what did you say?" "I'm... I'm literally higher than you, now." He ignored his obvious slip up and you sighed. "Can you..." You groaned again. "... Please, get that for me?" When you still didn't receive a reaction, you asked, as if on the verge of irritation. "...Seriously?" "Yes." He straightened out. You facepalmed, cringing, but said it either way, in monotone voice. "Oh, the all mighty and incredibly hot king of hell, please, for fuck's sake, GET ME THE BOOK!" Wow. You really had stroked his ego with that. Apart from the last part. "Gladly." In a blink of an eye, he flies up and, as if teasingly, leans on you to reach the shelf. Unfortunately, the stool you were standing on wasn't a very stable thing. So naturally, you fell down. And it looked painful. Lucifer hadn't expected that in the slightest, probably forgetting his strength. So when you let out a pained groan, he starts to panic. Blabbering incoherently, he fails to notice that you are okay and have literally stood up a while ago. Your irritation has now reached its peak. Who gave him the right to be this fucking cute while being so annoying at the same time?! You pull the literal king of hell by his bow tie to reach your level. Your noses were basically touching at this point. You definitely were intruding his personal space, but your anger was stronger than your common sense. "Shut. The. Fuck. Up." You whispered harshly. And as if subconsciously, without even feeling the movement of your body, you pulled him into a kiss, in which you expressed all of your pent-up frustration. Utterly flustered Lucifer didn't even know how to react, so he just gave into your heated frustration. After a while though, you move away and look into his confused eyes, slowly realising what you did. You turn around, not to show your undoubtedly too red face. "You are so fucking annoying, dumbass." You just say, trying not to voice break while doing so. You quickly run away from the situation, leaving the profusely blushing Lucifer completely flabbergasted. And then... "LET'S FUCKING GOOO!" You just cheered, being able to be finally honest.

End notes: Maybe it's not any good, but I tried to cook up something a little different! I hope you've enjoyed this lil' drabble and stay tuned for new posts!

[amm479842356]

Timothee was never a very popular kid. He was always the kid that everyone either hated or liked. He was at the top of his class and on the chess team. Worst of all, he was made fun of for being gay. The jocks always thought it was funny to pick on him. He hated them so much. He was absolutely revolted by the thought of ever even being friends with one.

One day Timothee was sitting is in the gym locker room when the most annoying of the jocks came in, Jake. "Yo wassup bro" Jake said. Timothee had just made a B+ on his math exam and wasn't happy about it. "Go away" he said. "Oh we got a hero, now do we? We'll see how long that lasts." And with that, Jake whistled for his bros.

Timothee tried to make a run for it but one of Jake's friends grabbed him. "Where do ya think you're going, nerd?" He was forcefully sat down and the jock put leather restraints on his legs while another put them on his hands. Finally, a strap was put on his neck and with that, Timothee couldn't move.

He could hear the other jocks laughing. Jake turned the lights off and said "Night, bro." "Why would he say br-" and with that, he heard a loud hissing sound and when he looked up, he saw it. A gas pouring out from the ceiling. He started to get dizzy and right before he passed out, he felt a sharp jab in his neck.

When he woke up, he wasn't in the locker room, but in what looked like the Janitors closet. "What the fuck? Where am I? Wait, why did I say that, I know where I a- I- uhh I kno- I don't know".

Timothee went home and continued his night like normal. He got a shower the next day and while getting ready for a wedding, something weird happened. "Bro I don't know what to wear." Normally Timothee always picked out the perfect outfits, not to mention the night before. "Whatever, must have forgot." He put on his clothes and thought nothing more of it.

The next day. Timothy was at school and he had a quiz in Alegebra. He knew everything super well. "Ima fucking ace this shit. Huh? Why di- uhh whatever, I'm ready for this shit." Except when he finished, he got a C-. "Wait what!? I always get a- wait, I got a C. That's fucking good."

When Timothy went to gym something felt weird. Normally, he would sit in there all period but for some reason he wanted to get dressed, so he did. He took all of his clothes off and before he could put anything on, "Yooo dude wassgood?" said Jake. Normally, Timothy would've been disgusted to hear his voice but for some reason, he wasn't.

"Wassup bro. Bro? Why would I say that? What's happening to me? Wh- ats up?" Timothy had completely disregarded the fact that he said bro to Jake for the first time in his life.

"Come workout with me bruh" Jake said. Timothy had never worked out in his life but that didn't stop him from going. Timothy got in the weight room and suddenly all the lights went out and there were spinning spirals all around him, followed by the same hissing noise. He feinted.

When Timothy woke up, he was surrounded by all the jocks he once hated. "You're name is Tommy" said Jake, followed by a snap. Tommy didn't know why the fuck Jake would try to tell him something he already fucking knew.

Tommy didn't remember anything after that...

"You're iq is lower than anyone else's. You're straight as fuck bro. You love football, wrestling, and baseball, cause you play them all dude. Your dick is so long bro. You fucking hate school. We know what's best for you. You love to get sweaty as hell like real men. Your pecs are so fucking big. We're your bros. You got the tightest bubble butt ever dude. You only wear compressions clothing bro." Said all the jocks and followed by multiple snaps, that was it.

"Yo bro, what happened?" Tommy asked. "Nothing bruh, don't worry about it." Jake said. "Wow, you really need a haircut dude." Suddenly, Tommy wanted, no, Tommy needed to get a haircut, so he did.

From that day forward, everything about Tommy would change. The walls in his room went from being filled with posters of superhero's and books and science and math to posters of football, baseball, wrestling, and nude women. His interest shifted from school and chess to working out, getting sweaty, hanging out with his bros, and doing what coach said.

Tommy would never be the same.