#this is so fucking funny KSKDJDJD like typing this all out was a trip because my life is just like that. this is not a one off really weird

[ongreenergrasses]

Oooh 2 & 3 for the asks!!

LMAOOOO OKAY STRAP IN

2. Tell me about your first kiss

okay so. this is. i feel like this is indicative of how insane my life is because this story while wild is not even close to the wildest thing that’s happened to me. this is like borderline normal

so what happened was i was a freshman in high school on an orchestra trip and for our last night before the final concert, we of course all snuck out. we didn’t even leave the hotel we just snuck into the room that was the biggest. anyway there were probably like sixteen of us in this room and i don’t remember much of the night because this was over ten years ago and i was incidentally also suicidally depressed at the time but by about one am we ended up in the following configuration. it was me, my ex (not my ex at the time but we’re just calling him that bc that’s what he is now), this girl we’ll call Clemensia, and another girl we’ll call Calliope crammed into one queen bed. incidentally there is also a girl we’ll call Zara and a guy we’ll call Roberto on a couch that’s directly next to the head of the bed. these are all relevant players in this

so there’s four of us in this bed, and Calliope falls asleep. (i ended up playing at Calliope’s wedding many years later actually we became good friends throughout the rest of high school.) but somehow she’s asleep and Clemensia falls asleep too, and so it’s just me and my ex whispering to each other for hours, and i do mean hours. we talked for like two hours. at one point I look over and Zara’s asleep on the couch and Roberto’s playing some game on his phone. Roberto stays up the entire night playing this game. he is a witness to literally all of this and has never said a word about it to anyone. in fact i have only ever heard him say three words in general.

back to the point. i have a massive crush on my ex. this is making my dreams come true, and eventually, bc i have never had a problem asserting myself and he is into me and is talking to me and we’re literally laying in each other’s arms, i can’t remember if i said anything or if i just leaned over and kissed him, but we kissed, and then we started making out. like zero to one hundred real quick. this is my first kiss. i have braces. i have no idea what i am doing.

anyway we’re making out and he pulls me on top of him, and i accidentally smack into Clemensia and wake her up, and she wakes up Calliope. so i roll off him and we pretend this never happened. but since it’s like three in the morning i immediately fall asleep, and then i wake up what feels like a couple seconds later because now my ex is making out with Clemensia and he bumped into me.

I do not know how this man pulled women the way he did. i do, but at the same time it’s completely incomprehensible.

anyway it’s three in the morning and i’m like you know what. I’m actually pretty pissed about this but i’m also too tired to fight this bitch off him, so i just fall back asleep. Roberto is still playing on his phone. as I’m falling asleep, I see Zara sit up, and i’m like ugh whatever. now there’s a witness to this this is so embarrassing Zara knows i have a crush on my ex and she’s gonna see him making out with another girl. great.

so this all resolves, we sneak back to our rooms, i was rooming with a snitch who got us all in trouble, and i’m so tired I don’t care about that (we got suspended) but I do care that my ex was making out with Clemensia bc what. he was kissing me!!! why did he then immediately kiss this other bitch!!!

i pull Zara aside and spill to her. I tell her everything and she’s like are you jealous? and i was like tbh no i’m just kind of mad bc he was my first kiss. and she was like ok well if you’re not jealous clearly he’s into you, so why don’t you just. both date him?

anyway all three of us, me, Clemensia, and my ex, ended up dating each other for a couple months. this was fascinating because Clemensia and i were in denial about the fact that the two of us were dating but we absolutely were. many many things happened after that, and it all culminated in me fleeing the country for a little bit and eventually getting a restraining order against my ex, but that is a story for another time.

and that’s my first kiss!

3. What playlists do you have on your phone?

a veritable fuckton. i nearly typed the name of one and then was like wait people could just look that up on spotify so i will remain a man of mystery. but it has Big Bad Wolf by Shakey Graves on it so someone can take an educated guess as to what fic(s) this playlist is for

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