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lycorogue · 4 years ago

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A Family Tradition: Giving Thanks Tree

Tina Belcher - Image care of “Bob’s Burgers” on Fox

When I was a kid - I can’t even remember how old I first was - my mother would tape a cardboard cutout of a bare tree onto the attic door. Along its trunk were the words “Giving Thanks Tree”. She would then hang up a manila envelope filled with leaves cut out of red, orange, and yellow construction paper. Our goal for the month of November, leading into Thanksgiving? Write just one thing we’re thankful for each day and then hang it up on the cardboard tree so it is full by the end of the month.

As a child I HATED this tradition. It was so hard for me to think of 30 unique things I was grateful for, and usually ended up with generic things like “food” or “a home” or “boys” (I was a bit like Tina there). It wasn’t until college did I truly get the value of taking a few minutes each day to think about a blessing in your life you may have otherwise taken for granted. It was hard for me my freshman year of college to know I couldn’t participate in the family Giving Thanks Tree, so, with a new appreciation for the tradition, I made my own cardboard tree, hung it on my dorm room door, posted a sign explaining the tradition, and put out my own envelope of paper leaves for my floormates to join in. I was a naïve 18yo, but thankfully no one posted joke leaves. I was surprised at how many joined in on my tradition as I filled my tree with gratitudes. (I later brought my leaves home to post on the family tree).

In 2011 I got married and officially moved out of my mother’s home. I have yet to find a good wall or door to hang a big ol’ cardboard tree, so instead I switched to a digital list. This year I had decided to share to more than my personal Facebook page. I tried posting daily on Twitter as a month-long thread, but... well, it didn’t go so well, so I stopped after day 13, I think. I did finish the thread over on Facebook, and I decided to bring the complete list over to Tumblr.

So, for any who are interested, below the break is my list of 30 things I was grateful for this past November; things I hope to remain grateful for well beyond the next year. Always remember to stop to count your blessings. If you really try to find them, you will discover you have more than you might have realized.

1. I am grateful that my friends and family have been (mostly) safe and healthy this year, and that those who did contract COVID-19 were able to recover. ❤ (*proceeds to knock on wood*)

2. I am grateful for the amazing support system I have. I know I am one of the lucky ones, but between my husband, my family, my friends, and even my readers, I have so much positivity lifting me up, and I want to make sure I never take that for granted.

3. I am grateful to have a stable roof over my head. It's a decent size for two people (we just have a LOT of things). It has sturdy walls & a secure roof. We can keep it warm in the winter and cool in the summer (not cool enough for Hubby, but nothing outside a meat locker would be). We have an attentive but not intrusive landlady. She repairs anything that needs fixing ASAP, and is a lovely woman we can just pal around with on occasion. Those are things I know a lot of people can't say about their landlords/ladies. We also have welcoming neighbors that are a joy to run into in the parking lot. If we have to be "stuck" somewhere until we can buy our own place, where we are works wonderfully.

4. I am grateful that we are no longer hurting for money. We can splurge on smaller purchases (under $50) without much second thought. We can now pay off ALL of our monthly bills after just the first paychecks of the month. And then the rest of the month is building up funds for the next month's bills and savings. Speaking of, we have a little nest-egg of a couple grand, which is still relatively new for us. I'm also over-paying my student loans and car payment. Not by much, but enough that my bills are a couple months ahead, so... cool. I know that during this year in particular, having any sort of financial security is hard to hold onto, so I want to count our blessings that we're doing alright. *proceeds to knock on wood again*

5. As silly as it seems to say, I am grateful for all of the election memes. It was a super stressful time for most of us, and to have some sort of humor that most of the country could relate to (such as Flash from Zootopia being in charge of counting Nevada's votes) was a great stress reliever and bringer of much-needed smiles. So, thank you, Meme Lords/meme creators for bringing us such fantastic content to help ease that wait and stress.

6. I am grateful to see that my Muse is slowly returning to me, like a groundhog after a long hibernation, poking its head out just enough to acknowledge it's there before scurrying back into its burrow to hide again. It hasn't been much, and only one story was actually written in November, but I have been playing with a handful of plotbunnies. It's nice to be able to de-stress via plot-building and playing with character growth again. 😊 ❤

7. I'm sure you all saw this coming, but I am grateful that T**** lost the election. Not so much that Biden/Harris won, because there's issues there too, but that T**** will be out of the White House. Mostly, I'm grateful because that means so many that I love - and those online personalities that I respect - are going to be in a safer America (and world) as of January 20th. For those who suffered through physical, mental, emotional, financial, and maybe even spiritual hardships over the past 4 years - both Americans and international citizens alike - I am grateful that you get to take a breath and relax (at least, for a little bit) now. I don't know if Biden/Harris will (or can) do anything to actually help heal what caused my loved ones' suffering, but at least they won't be actively adding to it.

8. Getting away from the political, I am grateful that Hubby and I can eat whenever we want (outside of work). We may grumble about what we have available, but that's mostly due to not having the energy to turn ingredients into meals, or we've had the same meal 3x in a row already. Regardless, we CAN eat whenever we are hungry, and I am grateful for that.

9. Keeping with the "things people can take for granted easily" theme, I am grateful for my wardrobe. It may be simple and repetitive, but it is enough to wear something clean each day for anywhere between 7 and 12 days before needing to run to the laundromat. Nothing has holes or ratty edges (unless it's a beloved shirt I refuse to give up). My shoes have good soles to them, and I rarely have sore feet. When my feet DO get repeatedly sore, I have the funds to either fix my shoes via new insoles, or I can simply buy new ones. My coats are warm and, aside from one missing the grip of the zipper (but the zipper itself still works), they are still in good condition. I may not be the most fashionable, and I'm sure I'm not picking the best clothing to fit my body shape, but over-all, I'm protected from the elements, my body is protected, and I am well-kempt.

10. Kept me too long to mention this, but I am grateful that I was able to marry my best friend. There are those out there still looking for companionship. There are those who found it, but, in some cruel twist of fate, lost it. There are those who love their spouse, but may not exactly be friends with them. And yet, here Hubby and I are: two people who would gladly spend every waking moment with each other. I found someone I could chat and cuddle and laugh and cry with every moment of every day. Someone I share interests with, and someone who expands my list of interests. Someone who also expands my view of the world; who makes me wish to be more understanding and accepting, and just... better. I am lucky, and I never want to see a day when I forget that fact.

11. I feel a bit silly with this one, but I am grateful I don't have any major allergies I have to worry about. Specifically, no food allergies. I've seen how difficult it is for people to navigate around food allergies or intense airborne allergies. To have to not think about those sorts of things is such a privilege, and I'm truly grateful for it. I have enough issues with lactose intolerance.

12. Another kinda silly one, but, I'm grateful for @dragnime living next door to us. Same was true for when another friend was our neighbor. There's just something about seeing dragnime’s car when I come home (again, same with the other friend and his car) that makes me smile. I don't have to actually socialize with dragnime that day if we're both busy, but to see his car and know he's there should I want to reach out is just a weird sort of comforting. (Man, I really need Hubby and I to win the lottery so we can build our commune already....)

13. I am grateful for publicly announced self-appointed deadlines. Last year I started up my own tradition within the Miraculous Ladybug fandom: Friday 13ths should be Plagg Appreciation Day. Plagg is a character who, I feel, doesn't get nearly enough love or screen time. He's also the kwami of bad luck and destruction, so... Friday 13th seemed fitting. The final bit of writing I had actually finished and posted prior to November was for this fandom holiday back in March, and at the end of that story I told everyone "see you in November!" so I felt silly if I'd let this poor-writing year defeat me. I was determined to have at least THIS story written, and that determination paid off. It ended up taking almost literally my entire day off, but I was able to become inspired enough to write SOMETHING, and it seems to be received well, so... added yay. 😊

14. I am grateful for my relatively easy life. I have been loved and supported my whole life. I never really experienced abuse or prejudice (or even really bullying) personally. I was able to fully experience college without much personal trouble (my student loan debt notwithstanding). Aside from a single 6-month stint right after moving to NY, I have been able to find work easily enough. I haven't had to struggle for food or clothing or housing (stretch budget, yes; struggle, no). I haven't had to live without electricity or clean running water. I've never lost loved ones or valuable items (even sentimentally) through natural disasters. *knock on wood some more* There have been struggles in my life, to be sure, but, on the whole, I've had a happy, safe, supported, and relatively easy life.

15. I'm calling out @chibisunnie specifically. I am so SO very grateful for her. I mean, I always am, but this year in particular she's been such a pillar of strength for me. I can't even imagine the stress and panic this year must cause her, and yet she's still always there to comfort ME. (I mean, I hope I comfort her too, but this year in particular I feel it's more her comforting me.) She's been the main one (right behind Hubby) to remind me to be kind to myself this year and that it IS an unusual year; my "failings" in 2020 don't define who I am seeing it's an outlier year.

16. I am grateful that my sister is seeing her true self-worth. She’s worked so hard to improve herself and to find out who she truly is, and it's been fantastic to see her continue to evolve. It's also great to see her find someone who builds her up, so a side bit of gratitude to her boyfriend. And, yes, her perseverance, strength, and determination (as well as her mad crocheting skills) are still things that I greatly admire in her. I'm just so happy and proud and grateful that she seems to be in such a good place. ❤

17. I am grateful that my mom has discovered how capable she truly is. This year has been undeniably hard on small businesses such as hers. It must be such a struggle to keep everything afloat and to stay positive, and yet she is. She's pushing herself to improve her business and marketing. She's dealing with modern technology – basically the bane of her existence – nearly all day long between Zoom meetings to network and learn and grow, to working remotely, to making videos to help promote herself, to reworking her business's website, etc. She's grown so much over the year and I'm so proud of her.

18. Since I mentioned it, I am grateful for video conference programs such as Zoom. Unfortunately, due to scheduling conflicts, exhaustion, and my right knee getting worse, I had to stop doing Zumba (I'm hoping to work my way back into the routine again sooner than later). However, before June screwed me over, Zoom was how I was able to keep up with this exercise routine post-shutdown. It's how I've been able to see my family. It's how so many have been able to continue working. It's how YouTubers I enjoy manage to still interact for their videos. It's fantastic that this technology is not only available, but it's also accessible to so many.

19. Speaking of which, I am grateful for the Oxboxtra crew, Dicebreaker, the Theory Family (yes, I’m aware people find MatPat problematic...), SuperCarlinBrothers, OSP, Hello Future Me, and The Warp Zone. In total, that’s nearly a dozen different YouTube channels I routinely watch – focused mostly on OutsideXbox, Outside Xtra, Film Theory, Game Theory, Food Theory, and SuperCarlinBrothers – and these channels have really helped me keep my sanity. The fandoms specifically for OutsideXbox, Outside Xtra, and SuperCarlinBrothers are just so sweet and supportive of even fellow fans. The YouTubers have such big hearts and are so delightfully goofy, it's almost like welcoming friends into my home whenever I watch them. I even started checking out stuff on Luke Westaway's and Ellen Rose's private channels on YouTube because I enjoyed these entertainers so much. So, thank you, YouTubers, for helping me find something that lets me forget what's going on in the world for 2hrs and just have fun. ❤

20. Along those lines, I am grateful for games such as Animal Crossing: New Horizons and Among Us. Both of those games, and similar ones that were available this year, were great distractions from the chaos of 2020. They have provided fantastic and unique gameplay content for the YouTube channels I follow, which, in turn, provided great video content for me to watch. These types of games were also, and most importantly, great ways for people to stay connected. I've been able to bond and joke around and preoccupy myself with games and gaming streams, and they have certainly been such great lifelines.

21. I am grateful for quiet cuddle moments. Be it in the evening while Hubby and I are watching TV, or while we're actually snuggled in bed watching Disney+ or Netflix, or after hitting snooze in the morning and just wanting to stay cuddled together for another 5 minutes, or even when one of us (*cough*usuallyme*cough*) is feeling super stressed and we just take a couple-minute time-out to just hug, I am grateful for all of them. I know not every couple gets to have these physical contact moments for various reasons, add in my own experience of having an 8-year long-distance relationship, and I try so hard to not take those quiet moments of just simple hugs or hand holds or back scratches for granted.

22. I am grateful for music and the ability to experience it. It motivates me. It inspires me (I have so many stories/chapters written because a song made me think of the plot). It helps with cathartic release. It gets me moving and exercising. It keeps me focused. It allows me to just zone out. Music is just so important in my life and the life of so many more. Bless all the music creators and performers.

23. I am grateful for Anime Night. It's a bit of normalcy in this year of anything but. It's a way to stay connected with a couple of my friends, and the little bits of socializing we do outside of watching has really allowed me to get to know both men more, as well as learn more about the other people really important in their lives.

24. I am grateful for the experience of turning fans into friends (and also being allowed to evolve from fan to friend). One of the best things about fanfiction is the ability to see people interact and react with your work, and to then respond in kind. It's sort of a silver lining to the relatively small number of views and comments on most fanfiction (compared to most professionally published work, that is), since it means you aren't too overwhelmed to truly experience each comment, follow, fave, like, reblog, etc. Through people gushing about my work, and me gushing back at how happy they've made me, I've been able to build up some really sweet friendships. I've also made two new close-acquaintances (we don't interact QUITE enough to be “friends” just yet) from my own gushy reviews and their responses to how great my reviews made them feel. So, to @chibisunnie, @thetauruspixie, @livrever, @tlos21, @chanceuseladynoire and @zenmisery (I hope that's all of you), I am so grateful for the bond we've had over fanfiction. Love all of you so much! ❤

25. I am grateful for members of minorities and other marginalized peoples for taking the time and effort to try to educate others; making it easier on us when they are in no way obligated to help us understand at all (it's really on us to put in the effort to try to understand them). This year alone, via personal posts on social media, infographics, comics, people posting reference sheets of hotlinks to research/source materials, etc, I was able to learn so much. I was able to grow and try to overcome my own prejudices, misunderstandings, and misinformation. All because people decided to share their raw experiences or do the research for me. It was something each and every one of them volunteered to do in an effort to help educate, and I am so grateful for the lessons they've taught me.

26. I am grateful that people find me a safe person to talk to. It is one of the few things I want in life; to be a safe haven for friends, family, and even strangers who are hurting. I realize the amount of trust people put in me and the vulnerability they are allowing themselves. It is humbling, to say the least, but also such an amazing feeling. I will try to keep learning and keep growing to keep earning the trust warranted me being this safe haven, but in the meantime, I'll continue to be grateful that people do find me as someone they can be safe with.

27. On the flipside, I am grateful to have friends who allow me to just be who I am. I can be obsessed with a cartoon aimed at 10 year olds (Miraculous Ladybug), and my friends not only don't judge, but they also happily let me know when their young children start to enjoy the show! I can be goofy or forgetful or screw something up, and, again, there's no judgment. They just accept me as I am, and I am blessed.

28. I am grateful for the support my friends and family have (outside of me) in their lives. It does my heart well to know that even if I disappear due to my own mental health issues, that my friends and family still have great support around them. They are all kind people surrounded by more kind people, and I nearly cry whenever I read or hear about my friends getting support they need and the outpouring of support. YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE AND I LOVE YOU ALL AND EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU DESERVE THE OUTPOURING OF SUPPORT YOU'VE FOUND. ❤

29. I am grateful for the continued bonding we've had with my sister-in-law this past year. I miss having the post-Zumba walk where we can just talk, but, largely through effort on her part, we've been having some time every Tuesday when she comes over to work after dropping the kids at school. We also had a whole evening with her on Black Friday. She's also texted and called a few times to chat, and we are getting closer and closer each year. Not everyone thinks of their in-laws as family despite what the law says, so I'm grateful that we have always thought of each other as family, and that we continue to bond and grow as siblings.

30. I am grateful for this family tradition. It allows me to really focus on what is important in life, and all the joys and blessings I've experienced. It's especially important during this trash heap of a year. I love that I can find silver linings in my life and appreciate what I have. This tradition is also a reminder to not take things for granted. I am so SO grateful that my mom introduced us to this tradition and forced us to participate as we grew up. It's a lesson that will stay with me, and it's such an important one. Thank you, Mom!

#Thanksgiving #Giving Thanks Tree #Gratitude Tree #family tradition #LycoRogue original #30 blessings #long post

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roleplcyheaux · 6 years ago

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NAME: hayley. hales. h-dawg, dumb dork, etc.

TIMEZONE: nst (narnia standard time)

PREFERRED PRONOUNS: she/her

WHO DID YOU APPLY FOR? OR ARE THINKING OF APPLYING FOR?:

first and foremost my daughter NOELLE WEBBER. originally her fc was supposed to be the beautiful margot robbie but i didn’t wanna mess up the brunette sibling vibez ya feel? she’s a journalist at the newspaper and hosts a true crime/mystery podcast! she was always kinda an odd little thing. fascinated by all things guts, gore, and lore. i guess that’s what happens when one of your parents is high up in law enforcement and the other is high up at the hospital??? she’s small and bitter; like a cup of espresso so don’t let the doe eyes and angelic smile fool you. then again she’s more likely to scowl than smile at you anyway??

her mother always told her it wasn’t lady like and “unbecoming to be so rude” but she’s not the type of person who feels the need to be nice for nice sake? even so no one would have described her as an outright bitch either....that is until the death of her sister. if she thought people were shitty before, she’s become even more convinced in the last few weeks and has become consumed by the thought of getting to the bottom of what happened to her sister in that bathroom. if she’s learned anything in her 20+ years of being obsessed with true crime cases it’s this: everyone is a suspect and no one can be trusted. [PINTEREST BOARD]

second but definitely not least VIVIAN ‘IVY’ DUVAL. although she’s not considered a big name in the art world, what so ever, she considers herself a damn one. catch her in half undone overalls covered in various states of dried paint almost any day of the week. while vivian wasn’t exactly born into the life of crime, she was certainly brought into it by her mother’s sudden marriage to a man whose main source of income was running errands for the Corinthos crime family. but she couldn’t complain at first. their life before the marriage consisted of her mother chasing the next high with no regard for her daughters.

josiah had gotten her clean and suddenly vivian actually had a mother again. not to mention the addition of a some-what father figure and a step-brother. she had a family. a real one. and that was worth overlooking the insanity of the world she’d been thrust into. then she made the mistake of coming home early from school one day and walked in on her step father shooting a “soplón” in their living room. she was fifteen and instead of being comforted...was asked to help clean up the mess. eventually she “got out” and left for college but recently returned about six months ago. [PINTEREST BOARD]

GIVE US THREE HEADCANONS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER(s):

NOELLE —

she knew elizabeth did drugs. had caught her in the act of consuming them on multiple occasions but was always assured by liz that she had it “under control.” not wanting to blow things out of proportion (like their parents likely would have) noelle foolishly took her sister’s word for it and never pressed any farther. she convinced herself if elizabeth truly had a problem, she would tell her.

noelle is in denial about being lactose intolerant. she knows she is. but refuses to stop eating diary products. according to her a life without cheese, ice cream, & yogurt isn’t one worth living.

one time while in los angeles she was pictured exiting a restaurant at the same time as harry styles and the next day the photo was all over tabloids and social media calling her “harry styles’s mystery new girl”. no one found the incident more hilarious than elle, who still to this day has “harry styles’s secret girlfriend” as her bio on twitter and instagram.

VIVIAN —

ivy is a nickname vivian's mother gave her as a child. she’s not really sure why her mom started to call her it but in all honesty she prefers it to her actual name and likes to think of it as the name her mother should have given her instead. not that she hates vivian....she just thinks ivy fits her more.

was given the most talkative superlative three years in a row in high school. she hates silence and tends to fill it with the sound of her voice. not to mention she rambles when she’s nervous...excited...honestly she rambles regardless of what emotion she’s feeling who are we kidding?

spent three months after returning to NOLA unemployed cause she thought it would be a brief stay but it turned out to be....more permanent than she was anticipating so in september she got a job as a substitute teacher simply to avoid completely emptying her savings accounts.

WHAT SORT OF PLOTS ARE YOU HOPING TO DO?:

Noelle: along with working to piece together the mystery of her sister’s death, ellie’s been working on covering the Ryan Chamberlain murders for the newspaper since it’s the twenty-fifth anniversary. so i’d love any and all connections dealing with both these cases! I’D LOVE ANY AND ALL PLOTS REVOLVING THE WEBBER FAMILY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THERE IS JUST SO MUCH TO EXPLORE! Ellie definitely loves all the members of her family so I just would love to see her dynamics with each of them be explored while the mystery of what happened to Elizabeth is also being unraveled. ALSO SOME CO-WORKERS AT THE NEWSPAPER WOULD BE NICE! Also all the typical connections too: Friends, Enemies, Neighbors, Exes, Family acquaintances, etc!

Ivy: i’d love to see her step brother in the group, she also has a sister she was very protective over growing up! so just the family dynamic between all three would be so nice to play out! after all the reason for Ivy’s return is mostly because their mother has fallen off the wagon again. I’d love some people with kiddies who Ivy now knows because of her job as a substitute teacher!! As well as the typical connections: Friends, Enemies, Neighbors, Exes, etc!

DID YOUR CHARACTER HAVE ANY RELATION TO ELIZABETH?:

Noelle was Elizabeth’s younger sister but the way they interacted with one another, most people would have assumed Noelle was the elder sister. She looked out for Liz as much as she also admired her.

Vivian went to high school with Elizabeth, they were in the same grade and shared a couple classes. One year Ivy caught her crying in a bathroom stall and she confronted her, the next day they went back to acting like strangers. Vivian thought Elizabeth had completely forgotten their bonding moment until found an invitation to Elizabeth’s wedding in her mailbox.

WHO DO YOU THINK KILLED ELIZABETH? DO YOU HAVE ANY THEORIES?:

Me. I killed Elizabeth....her hair was just too nice and I was jealous okay? In all seriousness, I honestly don’t know. I feel like it’s someone she knows though because it’s always someone the victim knows? Maybe Noelle killed her? What a plot twist that would be!

#fqtalk #is it a post by hales unless it's unnecessarily long????

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willowlark369 · 6 years ago

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Relationship Status: Complicated

There’s no other way to say this.

I am fat. I haven’t always been that way. As a child, I was waif-thin, a fact that didn’t help my mother any when DFS began investigating her for neglect or potential abuse because my brother was rapidly dropping off the bottom of the weight chart. It looked particularly damning next to my other two siblings who were rather thick (not fat but certainly fatter than many felt appropriate for female children). Both my brother and I were small and thin, though, and often covered in bruises and bumps. It wasn’t from abuse (though looking back now, I can understand why DFS might have thought that, beyond the bruises). It was just the curse of active children who had very little padding to protect them when they inevitably fell or crashed.

My brother’s problem was actually relatively simple. He had hyperthyroidism. Once they realized the problem (which was made complicated by no one initially listening to my mother that yes, she was actually feeding him and could they please focus now because something’s clearly wrong) and worked out how to counter it long enough to get him to puberty where it straightened itself out, he stopped being so weedy. He grew up to be a very respectable 6′4″ with a linebacker’s build.

My problem wasn’t so simple. I would go through periods of time when I refused to eat foods that I had been obsessed with and wouldn’t eat anything else the week before. Most children hated trying new things, but I would seek out new flavors or textures and would tell everyone about the subtle differences in amounts of ingredients. I would go through periods of time when I was very sick with GI issues, for seemingly no reason, and my family’s home cure (crackers crumbled in milk) would only make it worse until I had spent a day or two just drinking jello water or Pedisure.

None of this was treated as something understandable. The explanations were things like picky eater and active imagination and stomach flu. It was only later, as an adult raising a child with similar issues, that I came across things like hyposensitivity, hyperesthesia, and lactose intolerance. It helped both Bug and I to know those words, and to understand that there were others with the same issue out there. I’m rather proud of Bug’s relationship with food, even with previous problem periods.

But I’m skipping parts.

When I was eight, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I was put on medication, of course, and that did help with the mood swings and the more obviously related symptoms. But the med had another effect, as meds often do. It suppressed my appetite. I wasn’t very good at remembering to eat anyway and had problems keeping food down a lot, and now I didn’t seem to have a hunger signal.

My body thought I was starving, which yeah, I probably was (again, looking back with the clarity of hindsight). So it did what humans are so fucking great at: it adapted to survive. It stored everything it could, everything not immediately necessary for biological functions. This was probably made very difficult by my habit of preferring vegetables and fruits to things that had easily made-into-fat parts like meats and dairy. Grains were the closest that I came, and even those, I tended to avoid because they tended to make me itchy or sick. (Later, I would learn about gluten and its effect on autoimmune disorders.)

By the time I was thirteen, I was 5′4″, the same height I am now in my thirties, and I had a stomach that made me look four to five months pregnant. My limbs were still waif-like, with very little padding, though. My body was storing the fat predominantly in the hardest place to get rid of it.

I started getting the comments. You probably know the ones.

Are you sure you should eat that?

Maybe you could do with skipping a few meals.

Have you tried exercising? Or X diet?

I was thirteen, and people, complete strangers, were making judgements. Even worse was when family members made similar comments. So I became self-conscious about eating in front of others, preferring to simply not, and I started trying to change the topic whenever it came up. Being prone to research anyway, I started looking up diets and exercises with what could only be termed as obsessive compulsion.

And I grew thicker around the middle, while doctors and nurse tisked over my risking BMI and blamed the worsening health issues on overeating and simply eating the wrong things. Trying so hard to be healthy, I tried to follow their advice. I kept a food journal, only to be constantly reminded that I needed to include everything I ate or drank, not just what I thought they wanted to see. I cut portions and even skipped meals. I gave up sauces and dressings.

I stayed fat and got fatter. My body and I were at war with each other, both trying to do the best thing to keep me alive.

I got pregnant, complicating things further as hormones, morning sickness, and food cravings got added to the mix. Oh, and stress, as I failed to skip periods and nearly had a panic attack every single time I started, not even able to be comforted by movement most of the time because of the fat I carried around my middle having a “muffling” effect.

Things didn’t get better. For a long time, everything kept getting worse. Medical personnel would treat whatever health issues I had as a symptom of being overweight and their advice was always the same: cut portions, don’t eat X, and exercise more. If they had me keep a food journal, I would always face the accusation, both direct and not, of not recording everything or not doing so correctly. As I became the primary income as well caregiver for my daughters, I didn’t have time to exercise, but no one asked about the miles I walked back and forth to work or to run errands or chasing the girls around the park.

I was fat, so fat must be the problem.

Then my insurance stopped covering my med, and I had to switch. The new one had an even worse effect than merely suppressing hunger. It still did that, but it also caused weight gain. I gained sixty pounds in under three months. Already stressed as it was, my body couldn’t handle pushing 300 pounds, and my pancreas started having issues producing insulin.

I became diabetic. Only the diet they suggested didn’t help and in fact seemed to make everything even worse, with “weird” reactions like starches making my blood sugar plummet while “safe” foods like carrots or tomatoes making it skyrocket. The nutritionist I was assigned to scratched her head and assigned a food journal, and suggested a step monitor with daily recording but no set goal.

Then she did what no one else had ever done: she believed me when I said that I was recording everything, and doing so correctly. Do you know what looking at the data provided without assumption did? It revealed that I was routinely struggling to go over 1000 calories a day while I was routinely burning over 3500 calories in the same time frame. There was often days were I had caloric intakes of less than 500 because I had simply forgot to eat.

Disordered eating is what she called it, not deliberate enough to be anorexia, but still a problem. She pulled a Remus Lupin and instead of telling me to cut portions, she said eat and you’ll feel better. She recommended telling my psychiatrist to find another med and to not take ‘no’ for answer this time. This can’t continue, she said, or you’ll die.

She brought up that there were two types of diabetics: starch and sugar. Most diabetics are starch diabetics who benefit from avoiding things like bread, pasta, and potatoes while heaping on veggies indiscriminately. But sugar diabetics were different and really efficient at digesting simple sugars like those found in fruit and certain veggies which made their blood sugar spike just the same as candy but they benefited from ingesting more complex carbs like starches.

She brought up how studies had been showing that more than just celiacs needed to avoid gluten, that it caused flare-ups in everyone with autoimmune disorders which psoriasis had been discovered to be. She pointed out that I was likely lactose intolerant just like my Bug and how the same sources of dairy that were safe for her would be safe for me.

Don’t listen to them, she said, when they assume what makes fat. And she pointed me in the direction of nutritional (not diet) research. She gave me a list of tips on how to eat and things to discuss with my therapist, who was less enthused with the nutritionist’s conclusion about the importance of eating more instead of less, because I was fat so obviously couldn’t have any kind of eating disorder unless it was binging or overeating.

The therapist wasn’t the only one who didn’t understand. Family members continued to suggest whatever diet they were on or had heard about or just to not eat. But now I was armed with knowledge and the voice of a tiny redhead saying eat to get well or you’ll die, because you’ve been dying for a long time.

It’s not a magical fix. I still struggle. I still don’t like eating in front of others, preferring to either not or to get that part of things done as quickly as possible. I have mixed reactions to being asked if I should be eating things or if I think I should cut back. I still forget to eat sometimes, even though I’m getting better about remembering and most days now I remember at least one meal.

At 246 pounds and 5′4″, I’m fat and overweight, obese. People still judge me when I discuss having health issues, both mental and physical, and they still assume that it’s the fault of the weight instead of the weight just being a part of it. They still assume it’s my fault, a choice I made instead of a reaction to things.

My relationship with food is complicated and difficult to explain.

I just thought I would share, in case there is someone else out there in a similar situation, someone dying without knowing it and haven’t met their own tiny redhead to tell them to eat to get better.

You are not alone.

It’s okay to have a complicated relationship with food.

Eat.

#Magi's Thoughts #Real Life #Eating Disorders #Weight Issues #Social Justice through Writing

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scripttorture · 7 years ago

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Hello! I absolutely adore your blog! Your posts introduced me to pumping, which is fascinating to me. I was wondering if you know anything about force feeding as torture? It’s something I’m really interested in and want to write as part of a story eventually. Thanks!

I know a little bit about cases of forced feeding but I’m honestly notsure whether they class as torture or not.

Forced feeding is usually done to political prisoners on hunger strike.I think it’s usually classed as a medical intervention to save a life and therefore not legally classed as abusiveeven when done against the patient’s will and despite the significant loss ofpower and bodily autonomy. By the same logic medical interventions to save thelife of someone who is suicidal are not usually classed as abusive.

While it might well have happened I’m currently unaware of it ever beingused against anyone who didn’t first refuse to eat.

Quick definition of terms- So forced feeding (at least in the context ofthis post) refers to administering a liquid diet against the will of thepatient. I’m talking specifically about using actual food with nutritional value and it being administered so that a body can gain nutrition from it.

There have been incidents of victims being forced to eat things likepaper, soap and glass. There have also been incidents of victims having a‘liquid diet’ put into their anus. Both of these are forms of torture. I don’tregard them as forced feeding because there is no ‘feeding’ in either of theseprocesses.

Feeding a liquid diet can be done by IV, but what most people mean by‘forced feeding’ is inserting a tube down the nose and into the stomach.

I first came across it in history lessons a few years after I came toEngland.

It's embedded into the school curriculum as part of the study of thesuffragettes and suffragists. Infact the BBC did a short piece on forced feeding in this context which you canwatch here.

This was actually one of my first lessons in critical thinking: teachersused the photographs of forced feeding and the statements of survivors incontrast to pieces of political propaganda from different groups at the time. Manyof the propaganda pieces we studied are shown in that short BBC film.

Before I go any further and discuss the risks and sensation of forcedfeeding I think you might get a lot out of Sylvia Pankhurst’s account of herexperience. This is rather long. (McClure’s Magazine, August 1913)

‘I gathered together in a littleclothes basket my walking-shoes, the prison brush and comb and other things,and put them beside me, where I stood under the window, with my back to thewall.

I thought that I would throwthese things at the doctors if they dared to enter my cell to torture me. But,when the door opened, six women officers appeared, and I had not the heart tothrow things at them, though I struck one of them slightly as they all seizedme at once.

I struggled as hard as I could,but they were six and each one of them much bigger and stronger than I. Theysoon had me on the bed and firmly held down by the shoulders, the arms, theknees, and the ankles.

Then the doctors came stealing inbehind. Some one seized me by the head and thrust a sheet under my chin. I felta man's hands trying to force my mouth open. I set my teeth and tightened mylips over them with all my strength. My breath was coming so quickly that Ifelt as if I should suffocate. I felt his fingers trying to press my lipsapart,—getting inside,—and I felt them and a steel gag running around my gumsand feeling for gaps in my teeth.

I felt I should go mad; I feltlike a poor wild thing caught in a steel trap. I was tugging at my head to getit free. There were two of them holding it. There were two of themwrenching at my mouth. My breath was coming faster and with a sort of lowscream that was getting louder. I heard them talking: "Here is agap."

"No; here is a betterone—this long gap here."

Then I felt a steel instrumentpressing against my gums, cutting into the flesh, forcing its way in. Then itgradually prised my jaws apart as they turned a screw. It felt like having myteeth drawn; but I resisted—I resisted. I held my poor bleeding gums down onthe steel with all my strength. Soon they were trying to force the india-rubbertube down my throat.

I was struggling wildly, tryingto tighten the muscles and to keep my throat closed up. They got the tube down,I suppose, though I was unconscious of anything but a mad revolt of struggling,for at last I heard them say, "That's all"; and I vomited as the tubecame up.

They left me on the bedexhausted, gasping for breath and sobbing convulsively. The same thing happenedin the evening; but I was too tired to fight so long.

Day after day, morning andevening, came the same struggle. My mouth got more and more hurt; my gums,where they prised them open, were always bleeding, and other parts of my mouthgot pinched and bruised.

Often I had a wild longing toscream, and after they had gone I used to cry terribly with uncontrollablenoisy sobs; and sometimes I heard myself, as if it were some one else, sayingthings over and over again in a strange, high voice.

Sometimes—but not often; I wasgenerally too much agitated by then — I felt the tube go right down into thestomach. It was a sickening sensation. Once, when the tube had seemed to hurtmy chest as it was being withdrawn, there was a sense of oppression there allthe evening after, and as I was going to bed I fainted twice. My shoulders andback ached very much during the night after the first day's forcible feeding,and often afterwards.

But infinitely worse than anypain was the sense of degradation, the sense that the very fight that one madeagainst the repeated outrage was shattering one's nerves and breaking downone's self-control.

Added to this was the growingunhappy realization that those other human beings, by whom one was tortured,were playing their parts under compulsion and fear of dismissal, that they cameto this task with loathing of it and with pity for their victim, and that manyof them understood and sympathised with the fight the victim made.’

Note her description of anxiety and dissociation which are especially prominenthere, showing that, whether this is technically ‘torture’ or not it iscertainly traumatic.

Youmight also find this article in the Guardian newspaper useful, it has a lotof links to online versions of news reports from the time as well as several ofthe paper’s own articles.

The procedure certainly isn’t harmless.

I can’t find any figures I trust for death rates among women protesters,though there is evidence that women were treated differently according toclass.

Whether the tube is forced in through the nose or the mouth it isextremely easy to choke a victim to death. One of the ways this can happen issimply by the tube blocking air from the victim’s lungs.

Another way is by causing inflammation and swelling in the throatsufficient to stop breathing.

Another way is by filing the lungs with liquid food.

In the case of the suffragettes and suffragists tubing was reused, wasn’talways cleaned and was rarely sterile. That means considerable risk ofinfection in the lungs, throat, mouth and nose.

Victims are also more prone to infection because they’ve starvedthemselves.

There’s also the fact that this isn’t really that effective. A commonresponse to the tube being withdrawn is to vomit, completely reflexively. Adetermined prisoner might also make herself sick after forced feeding. Deathfrom starvation or diseases of malnutrition are still a considerable risk.

A lesser risk but still one to consider is what exactly the victim isbeing force fed with. The suffragettes and suffragists were generally given athick mixture of bread, milk and brandy. In the long term this would causediseases associated with malnutrition. In the short term that would be a verybad way to find out someone had a serious gluten allergy or was lactoseintolerant.

More minor injuries include breaking the nose, jaw and teeth. Scratchesand bruising to the throat and oesophagus would almost certainly occur, whichcan cause bleeding into the stomach and lungs.

Bruising and cuts associated with being restrained and struggling alsooccur. Specific injuries caused by restraints would depend on the type ofrestraint used.

And it hurts a lot.

The sensation I remember seeing most often in accounts was ‘burning’,especially when the tub was dragged up. This may be associated with stomachacid being taken back up through the oesophagus.

There’s also a choking sensation, a sensation of internal force as thetube is pushed down. Nausea as it is inserted, as food is delivered and as itis withdrawn.

There’s also obviously considerable pain involved in prying open a jaw,especially attacks on the lips and gums. A broken nose would also make thismuch much worse, and inserting the tube can break the nose.

Something that comes up again and again in the suffragette and suffragistaccounts is a feeling of helplessness and violation.

You may also find it useful to look up accounts relating to prisoners inGuantanamo Bay, some of whom were force fed. It’s important to remember thatthese prisoners were also tortured in other ways when reading their accounts,no all injuries and effects will be related to forced feeding specifically. Oneof the reasons I haven’t discussed them in depth is that some of the ‘forcedfeeding’ regimes in American custody are notfeeding but medicalised rape with an object.

The suffragette accounts will give you more of an idea of forced feedingas a singular practice. The Guantanamo accounts will give you an idea of therole it might play in a larger torture regime.

I hope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

#tw torture #tw police brutality #tw rape #tw sexism #forced feeding #suffragettes #hunger strike #Britain #political prisoners #Anonymous

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brandyfields66-blog · 7 years ago

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I Just Finished Whole30 and Lived to Tell the Tale-Here's How I Made It Through

Diets have never interested me. As a teenager, I found it absurd that some of my classmates were so concerned with what they ate. They would talk about the new weight-loss plans they were trying or their pledges to eat more of this and less of that. I listened but stayed silent and ate whatever I pleased.

Up until this past January, I was still anti-diet. I tried eating more veggies and lean protein during the week, but I never counted calories or vowed to cut dairy from my life completely, for example, as friends did. Yet after writing an article about actress Busy Philipps' positive experience doing a plan called Whole30, I became intrigued.

RELATED: The Ketogenic Diet Might Be the Next Big Weight Loss Trend, But Should You Try It?

Two friends and I discussed the article, and then one proposed something unbelievable: "We should do Whole30 together." After considering what Philipps' had to say about it, I decided to give it a try. Then Health editor in chief Lori Leibovich asked me to document my Whole30 experience with daily video diaries on Health Instagram stories, and I knew there was no turning back. I was about to do my first diet ever.

ICYMI: Whole30 is an elimination-style diet that asks dieters to ban all soy, dairy, grains, alcohol, legumes, and added sugars from their diet for 30 days straight. The point is to flush your system, so when the 30 days are up, you can slowly add different food groups back and get a sense of which ones have been secretly affecting your physical and mental health. The creator, Melissa Hartwig, also says Whole30 will change your entire relationship with food.

Food shopping and meal planning

Though I'd never tried a diet before, I knew that preparation would be the key to success. So I got copies of the Whole30 book Food Freedom Forever ($14, amazon.com) and the cookbook Whole30 Fast & Easy ($18, amazon.com) to research exactly what I couldn't eat, what emotional and physical changes to expect, and which recipes I should make.

RELATED: 3 Creative Whole30 Breakfasts You Can Make Even When You're Half-Asleep

Then I wrote down my first week's worth of meals and snacks, as well as the foods and beverages I would need to prepare them. One hectic trip to Trader Joe's and a few hours of meal prep later, and I felt ready and excited to start Whole30.

Week 1: Sugar withdrawal

I started Week 1 feeling optimistic. This isn't hard at all! I told myself. Wrong. Days 2 and 3 hit, and the sugar withdrawal was so real. In my company's kitchen, I stared at the free M&Ms longingly. "All I can think about are gummy worms," I texted my work friends. Instead of eating candy, I scarfed down a banana with sunflower seed butter and felt slightly better.

On Day 4, I reached for a beef jerky stick from Epic. I simultaneously took a big bite while turning over the packaging to read the label. When I saw it on the ingredients list, I stopped mid-chew: "honey." I immediately spit the partially chewed jerky in my garbage can. Close one. After that, I always read the labels on my food twice before eating a morsel.

RELATED: 6 Hearty Whole30 Recipes That Are Anything but Boring

This biggest success of Week 2 was attending a happy hour networking event completely sober. I headed there with a friend who was also doing Whole30, and we vowed to be each other's support system. We ordered seltzer waters together and proudly said no to the cheeseburger sliders and cheese board. Leaving the event, I felt empowered knowing I had it in me to refuse alcohol and fatty food, something I'd never tried before. Plus, I now knew I didn't have to use alcohol as a social crutch.

Week 2: Experimenting with recipes

After spending a week fine-tuning my new eating plan, I decided to add workouts back into my routine. On a typical week, I'll go to a cardio or strength class (I like boxing) once or twice and do some yoga or stretching at home another night. I dove right in and hit up my favorite boxing studio, Rumble. But I was really nervous. What if I didn't have enough energy? What if I passed out during class? What if I got so hungry I caved and bought a slice of pizza on the walk home from class?

Turns out, nothing dramatic happened. Once I finished the warmup portion of the class, I noticed I felt lighter and more energized than I normally do during evening workouts. I worked out three more times during Week 2 and felt stronger and less bloated than ever. I still didn't have six-pack abs, but hey, it was a start.

In terms of food, I kicked up my creativity up a notch in the kitchen. I tried experimenting with recipes that were a little more complex than my usual, like making pesto out of cashews and avocados and serving it over a plate of zoodles. I made blueberry energy bites in my food processor to snack on during a movie marathon and grab for a quick breakfast. I also tried new snacks, like bottled tomatillo jalapeno soup from ZÜPA NOMA and chia pudding from Daily Harvest to mix things up.

RELATED: 4 Ridiculously Easy Diet Changes to Help Kickstart Your Weight Loss

Still, it was a tad depressing to watch my boyfriend eat whatever he wanted while I was on the sideline sipping tea. "I miss sharing food memories with you," he said at one point. Sigh. So the next day, we headed to a local brunch spot, and I ordered a Whole30–compliant dish from the menu. I got a bunless burger topped with a fried egg, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and onion plus a side salad instead of fries. Let me tell you, this bunless burger tasted like the juiciest thing I'd eaten in my entire life. After nearly two weeks of cooking every meal, it was nice to have someone else do it for me.

Week 3: Major benefits kick in

I started spending more time away from my non–Whole30 friends and instead hung out with the two people who understood me most: my Whole30 diet pals. Together we made our own brunch plans at a New York City paleo cafe called Hu Kitchen. There, we could order compliant food that still tasted delicious (round of applause for sugar-free bacon).

We also talked about our meals, our struggles, and the results we were seeing from Whole30. Mentally, I felt more clear-headed and emotionally stable. I slept deeper and remembered more of my dreams, something that tends to never happen. (In one dream, I accidentally ate a slice of pizza and cried about it because if you break your Whole30 diet, you're supposed to start again from Day 1.)

RELATED: 3 Delicious and Satisfying Whole30 Recipes You Need to Try

Physically I felt lighter, my pants a bit looser, and my stomach flatter and less bloated. I also didn't have random stomach pain or cramps as I sometimes did pre–Whole30. Every time I longed for the diet to be over, I reminded myself of these bonuses, and that helped me make it to the end of the week.

Week 4: Food boredom hits...hard

I thought Week 1 was hell on earth, but boy was I wrong. Week 4 tested my patience and willpower like never before. Eating Whole30 staples like avocado and eggs became a chore. I choked down so many hard-boiled eggs during my last week, but all I could think about was how I wished they were freshly baked bagels-or even just a bowl of plain white rice. Anything but eggs.

To deal with this major food rut and disinterest in cooking, I bought my lunch every single day from Dig Inn and begged my boyfriend to take me out to dinner at a restaurant with Whole30–compliant options. As someone who typically brings lunch to work and cooks dinner on weeknights, I knew I was spending way over my normal budget, but I couldn't help myself. It was for my sanity.

RELATED: You're Finishing Up Whole30. Here's What You Should Do Next

I also tried Whole30 meal-kit options from Blue Apron, which offered recipes I would have never thought to make myself. The switch helped a little with my sense of disillusionment, but I was counting down the days.

The aftermath: reintroducing foods

While gorging on cheese and bread post–Whole30 sounds fun, it's not the way you're supposed to end the elimination diet. Instead, you want to slowly reintroduce certain food groups to see how each individually affects your body and mind. I decided to go this route because I was interested in discovering food sensitivities. And frankly, I was afraid of puking the second I came into contact with dairy or alcohol.

When the clock struck midnight, I couldn't wait any longer: I helped myself to a serving of plain white rice. I sat on my couch cross-legged, eating each spoonful with my eyes closed like one of the yogurt commercial ladies. I even smiled. The next day, I ate more gluten-free carbs, like rice and paleo pancakes. I also had wine and tequila, a grain-free liquor option. I didn't get bombed like I was worried about, but I did have a worse-than-usual hangover the next day. The fun night out was worth it, though.

RELATED: 8 Smoothie Bowl Recipes You'll Love

Since then, I've reintroduced legumes, soy, added sugar, and dairy back into my diet. Since I'm lactose intolerant, I was most afraid of dairy, but it seems as of my dairy intolerance has disappeared, which is an unexpected positive. I definitely sleep worse, though, and feel more bloated when I enjoy dairy or carbs with gluten. So going forward, I'll be eating these with more moderation than before.

So was it worth it?

Overall, my biggest Whole30 lesson is that mindful eating is possible. I don't have that urge to eat everything in sight, but I also know I don't need to deprive myself or worry about food 24/7. There's a happy medium where I get to decide what I really crave, weigh whether it's worth the bloat or restless sleep I might experience after eating it, and then say yes or no. I've caught myself thinking like this more, and so the ultimate goal of Whole30 has worked: I've changed my relationship with food-for the better.

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reynoldslevi10-blog · 7 years ago

Text

I Just Finished Whole30 and Lived to Tell the Tale-Here's How I Made It Through

RELATED: The Ketogenic Diet Might Be the Next Big Weight Loss Trend, But Should You Try It?

Food shopping and meal planning

RELATED: 3 Creative Whole30 Breakfasts You Can Make Even When You're Half-Asleep

Week 1: Sugar withdrawal

RELATED: 6 Hearty Whole30 Recipes That Are Anything but Boring

Week 2: Experimenting with recipes

RELATED: 4 Ridiculously Easy Diet Changes to Help Kickstart Your Weight Loss

Week 3: Major benefits kick in

RELATED: 3 Delicious and Satisfying Whole30 Recipes You Need to Try

Week 4: Food boredom hits...hard

RELATED: You're Finishing Up Whole30. Here's What You Should Do Next

The aftermath: reintroducing foods

RELATED: 8 Smoothie Bowl Recipes You'll Love

So was it worth it?

0 notes

psmf-diet · 7 years ago

Text

I Just Finished Whole30 and Lived to Tell the Tale—Here’s How I Made It Through

RELATED: The Ketogenic Diet Might Be the Next Big Weight Loss Trend, But Should You Try It?

Food shopping and meal planning

RELATED: 3 Creative Whole30 Breakfasts You Can Make Even When You're Half-Asleep

Week 1: Sugar withdrawal

RELATED: 6 Hearty Whole30 Recipes That Are Anything but Boring

Week 2: Experimenting with recipes

RELATED: 4 Ridiculously Easy Diet Changes to Help Kickstart Your Weight Loss

Week 3: Major benefits kick in

RELATED: 3 Delicious and Satisfying Whole30 Recipes You Need to Try

Week 4: Food boredom hits...hard

I thought Week 1 was hell on earth, but boy was I wrong. Week 4 tested my patience and willpower like never before. Eating Whole30 staples like avocado and eggs became a chore. I choked down so many hard-boiled eggs during my last week, but all I could think about was how I wished they were freshly baked bagels—or even just a bowl of plain white rice. Anything but eggs.

RELATED: You're Finishing Up Whole30. Here's What You Should Do Next

The aftermath: reintroducing foods

RELATED: 8 Smoothie Bowl Recipes You'll Love

So was it worth it?

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#IFTTT #Nutrition - Health.com

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