#this is relatable as someone who also is lactose intolerant but refuses to stop eating cheese

[vergil-losing-archive]

Lactose intolerant Vergil moodboard 🧀🥛

Inspired by this poll

[roleplcyheaux]

NAME: hayley. hales. h-dawg, dumb dork, etc.

TIMEZONE: nst (narnia standard time) 

PREFERRED PRONOUNS: she/her

WHO DID YOU APPLY FOR? OR ARE THINKING OF APPLYING FOR?:

first and foremost my daughter NOELLE WEBBER. originally her fc was supposed to be the beautiful margot robbie but i didn’t wanna mess up the brunette sibling vibez ya feel? she’s a journalist at the newspaper and hosts a true crime/mystery podcast! she was always kinda an odd little thing. fascinated by all things guts, gore, and lore. i guess that’s what happens when one of your parents is high up in law enforcement and the other is high up at the hospital??? she’s small and bitter; like a cup of espresso so don’t let the doe eyes and angelic smile fool you. then again she’s more likely to scowl than smile at you anyway?? 

her mother always told her it wasn’t lady like and “unbecoming to be so rude” but she’s not the type of person who feels the need to be nice for nice sake? even so no one would have described her as an outright bitch either....that is until the death of her sister. if she thought people were shitty before, she’s become even more convinced in the last few weeks and has become consumed by the thought of getting to the bottom of what happened to her sister in that bathroom. if she’s learned anything in her 20+ years of being obsessed with true crime cases it’s this: everyone is a suspect and no one can be trusted. [PINTEREST BOARD]

second but definitely not least VIVIAN ‘IVY’ DUVAL. although she’s not considered a big name in the art world, what so ever, she considers herself a damn one. catch her in half undone overalls covered in various states of dried paint almost any day of the week. while vivian wasn’t exactly born into the life of crime, she was certainly brought into it by her mother’s sudden marriage to a man whose main source of income was running errands for the Corinthos crime family. but she couldn’t complain at first. their life before the marriage consisted of her mother chasing the next high with no regard for her daughters. 

josiah had gotten her clean and suddenly vivian actually had a mother again. not to mention the addition of a some-what father figure and a step-brother. she had a family. a real one. and that was worth overlooking the insanity of the world she’d been thrust into. then she made the mistake of coming home early from school one day and walked in on her step father shooting a “soplón” in their living room. she was fifteen and instead of being comforted...was asked to help clean up the mess. eventually she “got out” and left for college but recently returned about six months ago. [PINTEREST BOARD]

GIVE US THREE HEADCANONS ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER(s):

NOELLE  —

she knew elizabeth did drugs. had caught her in the act of consuming them on multiple occasions but was always assured by liz that she had it “under control.” not wanting to blow things out of proportion (like their parents likely would have) noelle foolishly took her sister’s word for it and never pressed any farther. she convinced herself if elizabeth truly had a problem, she would tell her.

noelle is in denial about being lactose intolerant. she knows she is. but refuses to stop eating diary products. according to her a life without cheese, ice cream, & yogurt isn’t one worth living. 

one time while in los angeles she was pictured exiting a restaurant at the same time as harry styles and the next day the photo was all over tabloids and social media calling her “harry styles’s mystery new girl”. no one found the incident more hilarious than elle, who still to this day has “harry styles’s secret girlfriend” as her bio on twitter and instagram.

VIVIAN   —

ivy is a nickname vivian's mother gave her as a child. she’s not really sure why her mom started to call her it but in all honesty she prefers it to her actual name and likes to think of it as the name her mother should have given her instead. not that she hates vivian....she just thinks ivy fits her more.

was given the most talkative superlative three years in a row in high school. she hates silence and tends to fill it with the sound of her voice. not to mention she rambles when she’s nervous...excited...honestly she rambles regardless of what emotion she’s feeling who are we kidding?

spent three months after returning to NOLA unemployed cause she thought it would be a brief stay but it turned out to be....more permanent than she was anticipating so in september she got a job as a substitute teacher simply to avoid completely emptying her savings accounts.

WHAT SORT OF PLOTS ARE YOU HOPING TO DO?:

Noelle: along with working to piece together the mystery of her sister’s death, ellie’s been working on covering the Ryan Chamberlain murders for the newspaper since it’s the twenty-fifth anniversary. so i’d love any and all connections dealing with both these cases! I’D LOVE ANY AND ALL PLOTS REVOLVING THE WEBBER FAMILY BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE THERE IS JUST SO MUCH TO EXPLORE! Ellie definitely loves all the members of her family so I just would love to see her dynamics with each of them be explored while the mystery of what happened to Elizabeth is also being unraveled.  ALSO SOME CO-WORKERS AT THE NEWSPAPER WOULD BE NICE! Also all the typical connections too: Friends, Enemies, Neighbors, Exes, Family acquaintances, etc!

Ivy: i’d love to see her step brother in the group, she also has a sister she was very protective over growing up! so just the family dynamic between all three would be so nice to play out! after all the reason for Ivy’s return is mostly because their mother has fallen off the wagon again. I’d love some people with kiddies who Ivy now knows because of her job as a substitute teacher!! As well as the typical connections: Friends, Enemies, Neighbors, Exes, etc! 

DID YOUR CHARACTER HAVE ANY RELATION TO ELIZABETH?:

Noelle was Elizabeth’s younger sister but the way they interacted with one another, most people would have assumed Noelle was the elder sister. She looked out for Liz as much as she also admired her. 

Vivian went to high school with Elizabeth, they were in the same grade and shared a couple classes. One year Ivy caught her crying in a bathroom stall and she confronted her, the next day they went back to acting like strangers. Vivian thought Elizabeth had completely forgotten their bonding moment until found an invitation to Elizabeth’s wedding in her mailbox. 

WHO DO YOU THINK KILLED ELIZABETH? DO YOU HAVE ANY THEORIES?:

Me. I killed Elizabeth....her hair was just too nice and I was jealous okay? In all seriousness, I honestly don’t know. I feel like it’s someone she knows though because it’s always someone the victim knows? Maybe Noelle killed her? What a plot twist that would be! 

[willowlark369]

Relationship Status: Complicated

There’s no other way to say this.

I am fat. I haven’t always been that way. As a child, I was waif-thin, a fact that didn’t help my mother any when DFS began investigating her for neglect or potential abuse because my brother was rapidly dropping off the bottom of the weight chart. It looked particularly damning next to my other two siblings who were rather thick (not fat but certainly fatter than many felt appropriate for female children). Both my brother and I were small and thin, though, and often covered in bruises and bumps. It wasn’t from abuse (though looking back now, I can understand why DFS might have thought that, beyond the bruises). It was just the curse of active children who had very little padding to protect them when they inevitably fell or crashed.

My brother’s problem was actually relatively simple. He had hyperthyroidism. Once they realized the problem (which was made complicated by no one initially listening to my mother that yes, she was actually feeding him and could they please focus now because something’s clearly wrong) and worked out how to counter it long enough to get him to puberty where it straightened itself out, he stopped being so weedy. He grew up to be a very respectable 6′4″ with a linebacker’s build.

My problem wasn’t so simple. I would go through periods of time when I refused to eat foods that I had been obsessed with and wouldn’t eat anything else the week before. Most children hated trying new things, but I would seek out new flavors or textures and would tell everyone about the subtle differences in amounts of ingredients. I would go through periods of time when I was very sick with GI issues, for seemingly no reason, and my family’s home cure (crackers crumbled in milk) would only make it worse until I had spent a day or two just drinking jello water or Pedisure.

None of this was treated as something understandable. The explanations were things like picky eater and active imagination and stomach flu. It was only later, as an adult raising a child with similar issues, that I came across things like hyposensitivity, hyperesthesia, and lactose intolerance. It helped both Bug and I to know those words, and to understand that there were others with the same issue out there. I’m rather proud of Bug’s relationship with food, even with previous problem periods.

But I’m skipping parts.

When I was eight, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I was put on medication, of course, and that did help with the mood swings and the more obviously related symptoms. But the med had another effect, as meds often do. It suppressed my appetite. I wasn’t very good at remembering to eat anyway and had problems keeping food down a lot, and now I didn’t seem to have a hunger signal.

My body thought I was starving, which yeah, I probably was (again, looking back with the clarity of hindsight). So it did what humans are so fucking great at: it adapted to survive. It stored everything it could, everything not immediately necessary for biological functions. This was probably made very difficult by my habit of preferring vegetables and fruits to things that had easily made-into-fat parts like meats and dairy. Grains were the closest that I came, and even those, I tended to avoid because they tended to make me itchy or sick. (Later, I would learn about gluten and its effect on autoimmune disorders.)

By the time I was thirteen, I was 5′4″, the same height I am now in my thirties, and I had a stomach that made me look four to five months pregnant. My limbs were still waif-like, with very little padding, though. My body was storing the fat predominantly in the hardest place to get rid of it.

I started getting the comments. You probably know the ones.

Are you sure you should eat that?

Maybe you could do with skipping a few meals.

Have you tried exercising? Or X diet?

I was thirteen, and people, complete strangers, were making judgements. Even worse was when family members made similar comments. So I became self-conscious about eating in front of others, preferring to simply not, and I started trying to change the topic whenever it came up. Being prone to research anyway, I started looking up diets and exercises with what could only be termed as obsessive compulsion.

And I grew thicker around the middle, while doctors and nurse tisked over my risking BMI and blamed the worsening health issues on overeating and simply eating the wrong things. Trying so hard to be healthy, I tried to follow their advice. I kept a food journal, only to be constantly reminded that I needed to include everything I ate or drank, not just what I thought they wanted to see. I cut portions and even skipped meals. I gave up sauces and dressings.

I stayed fat and got fatter. My body and I were at war with each other, both trying to do the best thing to keep me alive.

I got pregnant, complicating things further as hormones, morning sickness, and food cravings got added to the mix. Oh, and stress, as I failed to skip periods and nearly had a panic attack every single time I started, not even able to be comforted by movement most of the time because of the fat I carried around my middle having a “muffling” effect.

Things didn’t get better. For a long time, everything kept getting worse. Medical personnel would treat whatever health issues I had as a symptom of being overweight and their advice was always the same: cut portions, don’t eat X, and exercise more. If they had me keep a food journal, I would always face the accusation, both direct and not, of not recording everything or not doing so correctly. As I became the primary income as well caregiver for my daughters, I didn’t have time to exercise, but no one asked about the miles I walked back and forth to work or to run errands or chasing the girls around the park.

I was fat, so fat must be the problem.

Then my insurance stopped covering my med, and I had to switch. The new one had an even worse effect than merely suppressing hunger. It still did that, but it also caused weight gain. I gained sixty pounds in under three months. Already stressed as it was, my body couldn’t handle pushing 300 pounds, and my pancreas started having issues producing insulin.

I became diabetic. Only the diet they suggested didn’t help and in fact seemed to make everything even worse, with “weird” reactions like starches making my blood sugar plummet while “safe” foods like carrots or tomatoes making it skyrocket. The nutritionist I was assigned to scratched her head and assigned a food journal, and suggested a step monitor with daily recording but no set goal.

Then she did what no one else had ever done: she believed me when I said that I was recording everything, and doing so correctly. Do you know what looking at the data provided without assumption did? It revealed that I was routinely struggling to go over 1000 calories a day while I was routinely burning over 3500 calories in the same time frame. There was often days were I had caloric intakes of less than 500 because I had simply forgot to eat.

Disordered eating is what she called it, not deliberate enough to be anorexia, but still a problem. She pulled a Remus Lupin and instead of telling me to cut portions, she said eat and you’ll feel better. She recommended telling my psychiatrist to find another med and to not take ‘no’ for answer this time. This can’t continue, she said, or you’ll die.

She brought up that there were two types of diabetics: starch and sugar. Most diabetics are starch diabetics who benefit from avoiding things like bread, pasta, and potatoes while heaping on veggies indiscriminately. But sugar diabetics were different and really efficient at digesting simple sugars like those found in fruit and certain veggies which made their blood sugar spike just the same as candy but they benefited from ingesting more complex carbs like starches.

She brought up how studies had been showing that more than just celiacs needed to avoid gluten, that it caused flare-ups in everyone with autoimmune disorders which psoriasis had been discovered to be. She pointed out that I was likely lactose intolerant just like my Bug and how the same sources of dairy that were safe for her would be safe for me.

Don’t listen to them, she said, when they assume what makes fat. And she pointed me in the direction of nutritional (not diet) research. She gave me a list of tips on how to eat and things to discuss with my therapist, who was less enthused with the nutritionist’s conclusion about the importance of eating more instead of less, because I was fat so obviously couldn’t have any kind of eating disorder unless it was binging or overeating.

The therapist wasn’t the only one who didn’t understand. Family members continued to suggest whatever diet they were on or had heard about or just to not eat. But now I was armed with knowledge and the voice of a tiny redhead saying eat to get well or you’ll die, because you’ve been dying for a long time.

It’s not a magical fix. I still struggle. I still don’t like eating in front of others, preferring to either not or to get that part of things done as quickly as possible. I have mixed reactions to being asked if I should be eating things or if I think I should cut back. I still forget to eat sometimes, even though I’m getting better about remembering and most days now I remember at least one meal.

At 246 pounds and 5′4″, I’m fat and overweight, obese. People still judge me when I discuss having health issues, both mental and physical, and they still assume that it’s the fault of the weight instead of the weight just being a part of it. They still assume it’s my fault, a choice I made instead of a reaction to things.

My relationship with food is complicated and difficult to explain.

I just thought I would share, in case there is someone else out there in a similar situation, someone dying without knowing it and haven’t met their own tiny redhead to tell them to eat to get better.

You are not alone.

It’s okay to have a complicated relationship with food.

Eat.

[scripttorture]

Hello! I absolutely adore your blog! Your posts introduced me to pumping, which is fascinating to me. I was wondering if you know anything about force feeding as torture? It’s something I’m really interested in and want to write as part of a story eventually. Thanks!

I know a little bit about cases of forced feeding but I’m honestly notsure whether they class as torture or not.

 Forced feeding is usually done to political prisoners on hunger strike.I think it’s usually classed as a medical intervention to save a life and therefore not legally classed as abusiveeven when done against the patient’s will and despite the significant loss ofpower and bodily autonomy. By the same logic medical interventions to save thelife of someone who is suicidal are not usually classed as abusive.

 While it might well have happened I’m currently unaware of it ever beingused against anyone who didn’t first refuse to eat.

 Quick definition of terms- So forced feeding (at least in the context ofthis post) refers to administering a liquid diet against the will of thepatient. I’m talking specifically about using actual food with nutritional value and it being administered so that a body can gain nutrition from it.

 There have been incidents of victims being forced to eat things likepaper, soap and glass. There have also been incidents of victims having a‘liquid diet’ put into their anus. Both of these are forms of torture. I don’tregard them as forced feeding because there is no ‘feeding’ in either of theseprocesses.

 Feeding a liquid diet can be done by IV, but what most people mean by‘forced feeding’ is inserting a tube down the nose and into the stomach.

 I first came across it in history lessons a few years after I came toEngland.

 It's embedded into the school curriculum as part of the study of thesuffragettes and suffragists. Infact the BBC did a short piece on forced feeding in this context which you canwatch here.

 This was actually one of my first lessons in critical thinking: teachersused the photographs of forced feeding and the statements of survivors incontrast to pieces of political propaganda from different groups at the time. Manyof the propaganda pieces we studied are shown in that short BBC film.

 Before I go any further and discuss the risks and sensation of forcedfeeding I think you might get a lot out of Sylvia Pankhurst’s account of herexperience. This is rather long. (McClure’s Magazine, August 1913)

 ‘I gathered together in a littleclothes basket my walking-shoes, the prison brush and comb and other things,and put them beside me, where I stood under the window, with my back to thewall. 

 I thought that I would throwthese things at the doctors if they dared to enter my cell to torture me. But,when the door opened, six women officers appeared, and I had not the heart tothrow things at them, though I struck one of them slightly as they all seizedme at once. 

I struggled as hard as I could,but they were six and each one of them much bigger and stronger than I. Theysoon had me on the bed and firmly held down by the shoulders, the arms, theknees, and the ankles.

 Then the doctors came stealing inbehind. Some one seized me by the head and thrust a sheet under my chin. I felta man's hands trying to force my mouth open. I set my teeth and tightened mylips over them with all my strength. My breath was coming so quickly that Ifelt as if I should suffocate. I felt his fingers trying to press my lipsapart,—getting inside,—and I felt them and a steel gag running around my gumsand feeling for gaps in my teeth. 

I felt I should go mad; I feltlike a poor wild thing caught in a steel trap. I was tugging at my head to getit free. There were two of them holding it. There were two of themwrenching at my mouth. My breath was coming faster and with a sort of lowscream that was getting louder. I heard them talking: "Here is agap." 

 "No; here is a betterone—this long gap here." 

 Then I felt a steel instrumentpressing against my gums, cutting into the flesh, forcing its way in. Then itgradually prised my jaws apart as they turned a screw. It felt like having myteeth drawn; but I resisted—I resisted. I held my poor bleeding gums down onthe steel with all my strength. Soon they were trying to force the india-rubbertube down my throat. 

 I was struggling wildly, tryingto tighten the muscles and to keep my throat closed up. They got the tube down,I suppose, though I was unconscious of anything but a mad revolt of struggling,for at last I heard them say, "That's all"; and I vomited as the tubecame up. 

 They left me on the bedexhausted, gasping for breath and sobbing convulsively. The same thing happenedin the evening; but I was too tired to fight so long. 

 Day after day, morning andevening, came the same struggle. My mouth got more and more hurt; my gums,where they prised them open, were always bleeding, and other parts of my mouthgot pinched and bruised. 

 Often I had a wild longing toscream, and after they had gone I used to cry terribly with uncontrollablenoisy sobs; and sometimes I heard myself, as if it were some one else, sayingthings over and over again in a strange, high voice. 

 Sometimes—but not often; I wasgenerally too much agitated by then — I felt the tube go right down into thestomach. It was a sickening sensation. Once, when the tube had seemed to hurtmy chest as it was being withdrawn, there was a sense of oppression there allthe evening after, and as I was going to bed I fainted twice. My shoulders andback ached very much during the night after the first day's forcible feeding,and often afterwards.

 But infinitely worse than anypain was the sense of degradation, the sense that the very fight that one madeagainst the repeated outrage was shattering one's nerves and breaking downone's self-control. 

 Added to this was the growingunhappy realization that those other human beings, by whom one was tortured,were playing their parts under compulsion and fear of dismissal, that they cameto this task with loathing of it and with pity for their victim, and that manyof them understood and sympathised with the fight the victim made.’

 Note her description of anxiety and dissociation which are especially prominenthere, showing that, whether this is technically ‘torture’ or not it iscertainly traumatic.

 Youmight also find this article in the Guardian newspaper useful, it has a lotof links to online versions of news reports from the time as well as several ofthe paper’s own articles.

 The procedure certainly isn’t harmless.

 I can’t find any figures I trust for death rates among women protesters,though there is evidence that women were treated differently according toclass.

 Whether the tube is forced in through the nose or the mouth it isextremely easy to choke a victim to death. One of the ways this can happen issimply by the tube blocking air from the victim’s lungs.

 Another way is by causing inflammation and swelling in the throatsufficient to stop breathing.

 Another way is by filing the lungs with liquid food.

 In the case of the suffragettes and suffragists tubing was reused, wasn’talways cleaned and was rarely sterile. That means considerable risk ofinfection in the lungs, throat, mouth and nose.

 Victims are also more prone to infection because they’ve starvedthemselves.

 There’s also the fact that this isn’t really that effective. A commonresponse to the tube being withdrawn is to vomit, completely reflexively. Adetermined prisoner might also make herself sick after forced feeding. Deathfrom starvation or diseases of malnutrition are still a considerable risk.

 A lesser risk but still one to consider is what exactly the victim isbeing force fed with. The suffragettes and suffragists were generally given athick mixture of bread, milk and brandy. In the long term this would causediseases associated with malnutrition. In the short term that would be a verybad way to find out someone had a serious gluten allergy or was lactoseintolerant.

 More minor injuries include breaking the nose, jaw and teeth. Scratchesand bruising to the throat and oesophagus would almost certainly occur, whichcan cause bleeding into the stomach and lungs.

 Bruising and cuts associated with being restrained and struggling alsooccur. Specific injuries caused by restraints would depend on the type ofrestraint used.

 And it hurts a lot.  

 The sensation I remember seeing most often in accounts was ‘burning’,especially when the tub was dragged up. This may be associated with stomachacid being taken back up through the oesophagus.

 There’s also a choking sensation, a sensation of internal force as thetube is pushed down. Nausea as it is inserted, as food is delivered and as itis withdrawn.

 There’s also obviously considerable pain involved in prying open a jaw,especially attacks on the lips and gums. A broken nose would also make thismuch much worse, and inserting the tube can break the nose.

 Something that comes up again and again in the suffragette and suffragistaccounts is a feeling of helplessness and violation.

 You may also find it useful to look up accounts relating to prisoners inGuantanamo Bay, some of whom were force fed. It’s important to remember thatthese prisoners were also tortured in other ways when reading their accounts,no all injuries and effects will be related to forced feeding specifically. Oneof the reasons I haven’t discussed them in depth is that some of the ‘forcedfeeding’ regimes in American custody are notfeeding but medicalised rape with an object.

 The suffragette accounts will give you more of an idea of forced feedingas a singular practice. The Guantanamo accounts will give you an idea of therole it might play in a larger torture regime.

 I hope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

[brandyfields66-blog]

I Just Finished Whole30 and Lived to Tell the Tale-Here's How I Made It Through

Diets have never interested me. As a teenager, I found it absurd that some of my classmates were so concerned with what they ate. They would talk about the new weight-loss plans they were trying or their pledges to eat more of this and less of that. I listened but stayed silent and ate whatever I pleased.

Up until this past January, I was still anti-diet. I tried eating more veggies and lean protein during the week, but I never counted calories or vowed to cut dairy from my life completely, for example, as friends did. Yet after writing an article about actress Busy Philipps' positive experience doing a plan called Whole30, I became intrigued.

RELATED: The Ketogenic Diet Might Be the Next Big Weight Loss Trend, But Should You Try It?

Two friends and I discussed the article, and then one proposed something unbelievable: "We should do Whole30 together." After considering what Philipps' had to say about it, I decided to give it a try. Then Health editor in chief Lori Leibovich asked me to document my Whole30 experience with daily video diaries on Health Instagram stories, and I knew there was no turning back. I was about to do my first diet ever.

ICYMI: Whole30 is an elimination-style diet that asks dieters to ban all soy, dairy, grains, alcohol, legumes, and added sugars from their diet for 30 days straight. The point is to flush your system, so when the 30 days are up, you can slowly add different food groups back and get a sense of which ones have been secretly affecting your physical and mental health. The creator, Melissa Hartwig, also says Whole30 will change your entire relationship with food.

Food shopping and meal planning

Though I'd never tried a diet before, I knew that preparation would be the key to success. So I got copies of the Whole30 book Food Freedom Forever ($14, amazon.com) and the cookbook Whole30 Fast & Easy ($18, amazon.com) to research exactly what I couldn't eat, what emotional and physical changes to expect, and which recipes I should make.

RELATED: 3 Creative Whole30 Breakfasts You Can Make Even When You're Half-Asleep

Then I wrote down my first week's worth of meals and snacks, as well as the foods and beverages I would need to prepare them. One hectic trip to Trader Joe's and a few hours of meal prep later, and I felt ready and excited to start Whole30.

Week 1: Sugar withdrawal

I started Week 1 feeling optimistic. This isn't hard at all! I told myself. Wrong. Days 2 and 3 hit, and the sugar withdrawal was so real. In my company's kitchen, I stared at the free M&Ms longingly. "All I can think about are gummy worms," I texted my work friends. Instead of eating candy, I scarfed down a banana with sunflower seed butter and felt slightly better.

On Day 4, I reached for a beef jerky stick from Epic. I simultaneously took a big bite while turning over the packaging to read the label. When I saw it on the ingredients list, I stopped mid-chew: "honey." I immediately spit the partially chewed jerky in my garbage can. Close one. After that, I always read the labels on my food twice before eating a morsel.

RELATED: 6 Hearty Whole30 Recipes That Are Anything but Boring

This biggest success of Week 2 was attending a happy hour networking event completely sober. I headed there with a friend who was also doing Whole30, and we vowed to be each other's support system. We ordered seltzer waters together and proudly said no to the cheeseburger sliders and cheese board. Leaving the event, I felt empowered knowing I had it in me to refuse alcohol and fatty food, something I'd never tried before. Plus, I now knew I didn't have to use alcohol as a social crutch.

Week 2: Experimenting with recipes

After spending a week fine-tuning my new eating plan, I decided to add workouts back into my routine. On a typical week, I'll go to a cardio or strength class (I like boxing) once or twice and do some yoga or stretching at home another night. I dove right in and hit up my favorite boxing studio, Rumble. But I was really nervous. What if I didn't have enough energy? What if I passed out during class? What if I got so hungry I caved and bought a slice of pizza on the walk home from class?

Turns out, nothing dramatic happened. Once I finished the warmup portion of the class, I noticed I felt lighter and more energized than I normally do during evening workouts. I worked out three more times during Week 2 and felt stronger and less bloated than ever. I still didn't have six-pack abs, but hey, it was a start.

In terms of food, I kicked up my creativity up a notch in the kitchen. I tried experimenting with recipes that were a little more complex than my usual, like making pesto out of cashews and avocados and serving it over a plate of zoodles. I made blueberry energy bites in my food processor to snack on during a movie marathon and grab for a quick breakfast. I also tried new snacks, like bottled tomatillo jalapeno soup from ZÜPA NOMA and chia pudding from Daily Harvest to mix things up.

RELATED: 4 Ridiculously Easy Diet Changes to Help Kickstart Your Weight Loss

Still, it was a tad depressing to watch my boyfriend eat whatever he wanted while I was on the sideline sipping tea. "I miss sharing food memories with you," he said at one point. Sigh. So the next day, we headed to a local brunch spot, and I ordered a Whole30–compliant dish from the menu. I got a bunless burger topped with a fried egg, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and onion plus a side salad instead of fries. Let me tell you, this bunless burger tasted like the juiciest thing I'd eaten in my entire life. After nearly two weeks of cooking every meal, it was nice to have someone else do it for me.

Week 3: Major benefits kick in

I started spending more time away from my non–Whole30 friends and instead hung out with the two people who understood me most: my Whole30 diet pals. Together we made our own brunch plans at a New York City paleo cafe called Hu Kitchen. There, we could order compliant food that still tasted delicious (round of applause for sugar-free bacon).

We also talked about our meals, our struggles, and the results we were seeing from Whole30. Mentally, I felt more clear-headed and emotionally stable. I slept deeper and remembered more of my dreams, something that tends to never happen. (In one dream, I accidentally ate a slice of pizza and cried about it because if you break your Whole30 diet, you're supposed to start again from Day 1.)

RELATED: 3 Delicious and Satisfying Whole30 Recipes You Need to Try

Physically I felt lighter, my pants a bit looser, and my stomach flatter and less bloated. I also didn't have random stomach pain or cramps as I sometimes did pre–Whole30. Every time I longed for the diet to be over, I reminded myself of these bonuses, and that helped me make it to the end of the week.

Week 4: Food boredom hits...hard

I thought Week 1 was hell on earth, but boy was I wrong. Week 4 tested my patience and willpower like never before. Eating Whole30 staples like avocado and eggs became a chore. I choked down so many hard-boiled eggs during my last week, but all I could think about was how I wished they were freshly baked bagels-or even just a bowl of plain white rice. Anything but eggs.

To deal with this major food rut and disinterest in cooking, I bought my lunch every single day from Dig Inn and begged my boyfriend to take me out to dinner at a restaurant with Whole30–compliant options. As someone who typically brings lunch to work and cooks dinner on weeknights, I knew I was spending way over my normal budget, but I couldn't help myself. It was for my sanity.

RELATED: You're Finishing Up Whole30. Here's What You Should Do Next

I also tried Whole30 meal-kit options from Blue Apron, which offered recipes I would have never thought to make myself. The switch helped a little with my sense of disillusionment, but I was counting down the days.

The aftermath: reintroducing foods

While gorging on cheese and bread post–Whole30 sounds fun, it's not the way you're supposed to end the elimination diet. Instead, you want to slowly reintroduce certain food groups to see how each individually affects your body and mind. I decided to go this route because I was interested in discovering food sensitivities. And frankly, I was afraid of puking the second I came into contact with dairy or alcohol.

When the clock struck midnight, I couldn't wait any longer: I helped myself to a serving of plain white rice. I sat on my couch cross-legged, eating each spoonful with my eyes closed like one of the yogurt commercial ladies. I even smiled. The next day, I ate more gluten-free carbs, like rice and paleo pancakes. I also had wine and tequila, a grain-free liquor option. I didn't get bombed like I was worried about, but I did have a worse-than-usual hangover the next day. The fun night out was worth it, though.

RELATED: 8 Smoothie Bowl Recipes You'll Love

Since then, I've reintroduced legumes, soy, added sugar, and dairy back into my diet. Since I'm lactose intolerant, I was most afraid of dairy, but it seems as of my dairy intolerance has disappeared, which is an unexpected positive. I definitely sleep worse, though, and feel more bloated when I enjoy dairy or carbs with gluten. So going forward, I'll be eating these with more moderation than before.

So was it worth it?

Overall, my biggest Whole30 lesson is that mindful eating is possible. I don't have that urge to eat everything in sight, but I also know I don't need to deprive myself or worry about food 24/7. There's a happy medium where I get to decide what I really crave, weigh whether it's worth the bloat or restless sleep I might experience after eating it, and then say yes or no. I've caught myself thinking like this more, and so the ultimate goal of Whole30 has worked: I've changed my relationship with food-for the better.

[reynoldslevi10-blog]

I Just Finished Whole30 and Lived to Tell the Tale-Here's How I Made It Through

Diets have never interested me. As a teenager, I found it absurd that some of my classmates were so concerned with what they ate. They would talk about the new weight-loss plans they were trying or their pledges to eat more of this and less of that. I listened but stayed silent and ate whatever I pleased.

Up until this past January, I was still anti-diet. I tried eating more veggies and lean protein during the week, but I never counted calories or vowed to cut dairy from my life completely, for example, as friends did. Yet after writing an article about actress Busy Philipps' positive experience doing a plan called Whole30, I became intrigued.

RELATED: The Ketogenic Diet Might Be the Next Big Weight Loss Trend, But Should You Try It?

Two friends and I discussed the article, and then one proposed something unbelievable: "We should do Whole30 together." After considering what Philipps' had to say about it, I decided to give it a try. Then Health editor in chief Lori Leibovich asked me to document my Whole30 experience with daily video diaries on Health Instagram stories, and I knew there was no turning back. I was about to do my first diet ever.

ICYMI: Whole30 is an elimination-style diet that asks dieters to ban all soy, dairy, grains, alcohol, legumes, and added sugars from their diet for 30 days straight. The point is to flush your system, so when the 30 days are up, you can slowly add different food groups back and get a sense of which ones have been secretly affecting your physical and mental health. The creator, Melissa Hartwig, also says Whole30 will change your entire relationship with food.

Food shopping and meal planning

Though I'd never tried a diet before, I knew that preparation would be the key to success. So I got copies of the Whole30 book Food Freedom Forever ($14, amazon.com) and the cookbook Whole30 Fast & Easy ($18, amazon.com) to research exactly what I couldn't eat, what emotional and physical changes to expect, and which recipes I should make.

RELATED: 3 Creative Whole30 Breakfasts You Can Make Even When You're Half-Asleep

Then I wrote down my first week's worth of meals and snacks, as well as the foods and beverages I would need to prepare them. One hectic trip to Trader Joe's and a few hours of meal prep later, and I felt ready and excited to start Whole30.

Week 1: Sugar withdrawal

I started Week 1 feeling optimistic. This isn't hard at all! I told myself. Wrong. Days 2 and 3 hit, and the sugar withdrawal was so real. In my company's kitchen, I stared at the free M&Ms longingly. "All I can think about are gummy worms," I texted my work friends. Instead of eating candy, I scarfed down a banana with sunflower seed butter and felt slightly better.

On Day 4, I reached for a beef jerky stick from Epic. I simultaneously took a big bite while turning over the packaging to read the label. When I saw it on the ingredients list, I stopped mid-chew: "honey." I immediately spit the partially chewed jerky in my garbage can. Close one. After that, I always read the labels on my food twice before eating a morsel.

RELATED: 6 Hearty Whole30 Recipes That Are Anything but Boring

This biggest success of Week 2 was attending a happy hour networking event completely sober. I headed there with a friend who was also doing Whole30, and we vowed to be each other's support system. We ordered seltzer waters together and proudly said no to the cheeseburger sliders and cheese board. Leaving the event, I felt empowered knowing I had it in me to refuse alcohol and fatty food, something I'd never tried before. Plus, I now knew I didn't have to use alcohol as a social crutch.

Week 2: Experimenting with recipes

After spending a week fine-tuning my new eating plan, I decided to add workouts back into my routine. On a typical week, I'll go to a cardio or strength class (I like boxing) once or twice and do some yoga or stretching at home another night. I dove right in and hit up my favorite boxing studio, Rumble. But I was really nervous. What if I didn't have enough energy? What if I passed out during class? What if I got so hungry I caved and bought a slice of pizza on the walk home from class?

Turns out, nothing dramatic happened. Once I finished the warmup portion of the class, I noticed I felt lighter and more energized than I normally do during evening workouts. I worked out three more times during Week 2 and felt stronger and less bloated than ever. I still didn't have six-pack abs, but hey, it was a start.

In terms of food, I kicked up my creativity up a notch in the kitchen. I tried experimenting with recipes that were a little more complex than my usual, like making pesto out of cashews and avocados and serving it over a plate of zoodles. I made blueberry energy bites in my food processor to snack on during a movie marathon and grab for a quick breakfast. I also tried new snacks, like bottled tomatillo jalapeno soup from ZÜPA NOMA and chia pudding from Daily Harvest to mix things up.

RELATED: 4 Ridiculously Easy Diet Changes to Help Kickstart Your Weight Loss

Still, it was a tad depressing to watch my boyfriend eat whatever he wanted while I was on the sideline sipping tea. "I miss sharing food memories with you," he said at one point. Sigh. So the next day, we headed to a local brunch spot, and I ordered a Whole30–compliant dish from the menu. I got a bunless burger topped with a fried egg, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and onion plus a side salad instead of fries. Let me tell you, this bunless burger tasted like the juiciest thing I'd eaten in my entire life. After nearly two weeks of cooking every meal, it was nice to have someone else do it for me.

Week 3: Major benefits kick in

I started spending more time away from my non–Whole30 friends and instead hung out with the two people who understood me most: my Whole30 diet pals. Together we made our own brunch plans at a New York City paleo cafe called Hu Kitchen. There, we could order compliant food that still tasted delicious (round of applause for sugar-free bacon).

We also talked about our meals, our struggles, and the results we were seeing from Whole30. Mentally, I felt more clear-headed and emotionally stable. I slept deeper and remembered more of my dreams, something that tends to never happen. (In one dream, I accidentally ate a slice of pizza and cried about it because if you break your Whole30 diet, you're supposed to start again from Day 1.)

RELATED: 3 Delicious and Satisfying Whole30 Recipes You Need to Try

Physically I felt lighter, my pants a bit looser, and my stomach flatter and less bloated. I also didn't have random stomach pain or cramps as I sometimes did pre–Whole30. Every time I longed for the diet to be over, I reminded myself of these bonuses, and that helped me make it to the end of the week.

Week 4: Food boredom hits...hard

I thought Week 1 was hell on earth, but boy was I wrong. Week 4 tested my patience and willpower like never before. Eating Whole30 staples like avocado and eggs became a chore. I choked down so many hard-boiled eggs during my last week, but all I could think about was how I wished they were freshly baked bagels-or even just a bowl of plain white rice. Anything but eggs.

To deal with this major food rut and disinterest in cooking, I bought my lunch every single day from Dig Inn and begged my boyfriend to take me out to dinner at a restaurant with Whole30–compliant options. As someone who typically brings lunch to work and cooks dinner on weeknights, I knew I was spending way over my normal budget, but I couldn't help myself. It was for my sanity.

RELATED: You're Finishing Up Whole30. Here's What You Should Do Next

I also tried Whole30 meal-kit options from Blue Apron, which offered recipes I would have never thought to make myself. The switch helped a little with my sense of disillusionment, but I was counting down the days.

The aftermath: reintroducing foods

While gorging on cheese and bread post–Whole30 sounds fun, it's not the way you're supposed to end the elimination diet. Instead, you want to slowly reintroduce certain food groups to see how each individually affects your body and mind. I decided to go this route because I was interested in discovering food sensitivities. And frankly, I was afraid of puking the second I came into contact with dairy or alcohol.

When the clock struck midnight, I couldn't wait any longer: I helped myself to a serving of plain white rice. I sat on my couch cross-legged, eating each spoonful with my eyes closed like one of the yogurt commercial ladies. I even smiled. The next day, I ate more gluten-free carbs, like rice and paleo pancakes. I also had wine and tequila, a grain-free liquor option. I didn't get bombed like I was worried about, but I did have a worse-than-usual hangover the next day. The fun night out was worth it, though.

RELATED: 8 Smoothie Bowl Recipes You'll Love

Since then, I've reintroduced legumes, soy, added sugar, and dairy back into my diet. Since I'm lactose intolerant, I was most afraid of dairy, but it seems as of my dairy intolerance has disappeared, which is an unexpected positive. I definitely sleep worse, though, and feel more bloated when I enjoy dairy or carbs with gluten. So going forward, I'll be eating these with more moderation than before.

So was it worth it?

Overall, my biggest Whole30 lesson is that mindful eating is possible. I don't have that urge to eat everything in sight, but I also know I don't need to deprive myself or worry about food 24/7. There's a happy medium where I get to decide what I really crave, weigh whether it's worth the bloat or restless sleep I might experience after eating it, and then say yes or no. I've caught myself thinking like this more, and so the ultimate goal of Whole30 has worked: I've changed my relationship with food-for the better.

[psmf-diet]

I Just Finished Whole30 and Lived to Tell the Tale—Here’s How I Made It Through

Diets have never interested me. As a teenager, I found it absurd that some of my classmates were so concerned with what they ate. They would talk about the new weight-loss plans they were trying or their pledges to eat more of this and less of that. I listened but stayed silent and ate whatever I pleased.

Up until this past January, I was still anti-diet. I tried eating more veggies and lean protein during the week, but I never counted calories or vowed to cut dairy from my life completely, for example, as friends did. Yet after writing an article about actress Busy Philipps' positive experience doing a plan called Whole30, I became intrigued.

RELATED: The Ketogenic Diet Might Be the Next Big Weight Loss Trend, But Should You Try It?

Two friends and I discussed the article, and then one proposed something unbelievable: "We should do Whole30 together." After considering what Philipps' had to say about it, I decided to give it a try. Then Health editor in chief Lori Leibovich asked me to document my Whole30 experience with daily video diaries on Health Instagram stories, and I knew there was no turning back. I was about to do my first diet ever.

ICYMI: Whole30 is an elimination-style diet that asks dieters to ban all soy, dairy, grains, alcohol, legumes, and added sugars from their diet for 30 days straight. The point is to flush your system, so when the 30 days are up, you can slowly add different food groups back and get a sense of which ones have been secretly affecting your physical and mental health. The creator, Melissa Hartwig, also says Whole30 will change your entire relationship with food.

Food shopping and meal planning

Though I'd never tried a diet before, I knew that preparation would be the key to success. So I got copies of the Whole30 book Food Freedom Forever ($14, amazon.com) and the cookbook Whole30 Fast & Easy ($18, amazon.com) to research exactly what I couldn't eat, what emotional and physical changes to expect, and which recipes I should make.

RELATED: 3 Creative Whole30 Breakfasts You Can Make Even When You're Half-Asleep

Then I wrote down my first week's worth of meals and snacks, as well as the foods and beverages I would need to prepare them. One hectic trip to Trader Joe's and a few hours of meal prep later, and I felt ready and excited to start Whole30.

Week 1: Sugar withdrawal

I started Week 1 feeling optimistic. This isn't hard at all! I told myself. Wrong. Days 2 and 3 hit, and the sugar withdrawal was so real. In my company's kitchen, I stared at the free M&Ms longingly. "All I can think about are gummy worms," I texted my work friends. Instead of eating candy, I scarfed down a banana with sunflower seed butter and felt slightly better.

On Day 4, I reached for a beef jerky stick from Epic. I simultaneously took a big bite while turning over the packaging to read the label. When I saw it on the ingredients list, I stopped mid-chew: "honey." I immediately spit the partially chewed jerky in my garbage can. Close one. After that, I always read the labels on my food twice before eating a morsel.

RELATED: 6 Hearty Whole30 Recipes That Are Anything but Boring

This biggest success of Week 2 was attending a happy hour networking event completely sober. I headed there with a friend who was also doing Whole30, and we vowed to be each other's support system. We ordered seltzer waters together and proudly said no to the cheeseburger sliders and cheese board. Leaving the event, I felt empowered knowing I had it in me to refuse alcohol and fatty food, something I'd never tried before. Plus, I now knew I didn't have to use alcohol as a social crutch.

Week 2: Experimenting with recipes

After spending a week fine-tuning my new eating plan, I decided to add workouts back into my routine. On a typical week, I'll go to a cardio or strength class (I like boxing) once or twice and do some yoga or stretching at home another night. I dove right in and hit up my favorite boxing studio, Rumble. But I was really nervous. What if I didn't have enough energy? What if I passed out during class? What if I got so hungry I caved and bought a slice of pizza on the walk home from class?

Turns out, nothing dramatic happened. Once I finished the warmup portion of the class, I noticed I felt lighter and more energized than I normally do during evening workouts. I worked out three more times during Week 2 and felt stronger and less bloated than ever. I still didn't have six-pack abs, but hey, it was a start.

In terms of food, I kicked up my creativity up a notch in the kitchen. I tried experimenting with recipes that were a little more complex than my usual, like making pesto out of cashews and avocados and serving it over a plate of zoodles. I made blueberry energy bites in my food processor to snack on during a movie marathon and grab for a quick breakfast. I also tried new snacks, like bottled tomatillo jalapeno soup from ZÜPA NOMA and chia pudding from Daily Harvest to mix things up.

RELATED: 4 Ridiculously Easy Diet Changes to Help Kickstart Your Weight Loss

Still, it was a tad depressing to watch my boyfriend eat whatever he wanted while I was on the sideline sipping tea. "I miss sharing food memories with you," he said at one point. Sigh. So the next day, we headed to a local brunch spot, and I ordered a Whole30–compliant dish from the menu. I got a bunless burger topped with a fried egg, avocado, lettuce, tomato, and onion plus a side salad instead of fries. Let me tell you, this bunless burger tasted like the juiciest thing I'd eaten in my entire life. After nearly two weeks of cooking every meal, it was nice to have someone else do it for me.

Week 3: Major benefits kick in

I started spending more time away from my non–Whole30 friends and instead hung out with the two people who understood me most: my Whole30 diet pals. Together we made our own brunch plans at a New York City paleo cafe called Hu Kitchen. There, we could order compliant food that still tasted delicious (round of applause for sugar-free bacon).

We also talked about our meals, our struggles, and the results we were seeing from Whole30. Mentally, I felt more clear-headed and emotionally stable. I slept deeper and remembered more of my dreams, something that tends to never happen. (In one dream, I accidentally ate a slice of pizza and cried about it because if you break your Whole30 diet, you're supposed to start again from Day 1.)

RELATED: 3 Delicious and Satisfying Whole30 Recipes You Need to Try

Physically I felt lighter, my pants a bit looser, and my stomach flatter and less bloated. I also didn't have random stomach pain or cramps as I sometimes did pre–Whole30. Every time I longed for the diet to be over, I reminded myself of these bonuses, and that helped me make it to the end of the week.

Week 4: Food boredom hits...hard

I thought Week 1 was hell on earth, but boy was I wrong. Week 4 tested my patience and willpower like never before. Eating Whole30 staples like avocado and eggs became a chore. I choked down so many hard-boiled eggs during my last week, but all I could think about was how I wished they were freshly baked bagels—or even just a bowl of plain white rice. Anything but eggs.

To deal with this major food rut and disinterest in cooking, I bought my lunch every single day from Dig Inn and begged my boyfriend to take me out to dinner at a restaurant with Whole30–compliant options. As someone who typically brings lunch to work and cooks dinner on weeknights, I knew I was spending way over my normal budget, but I couldn't help myself. It was for my sanity.

RELATED: You're Finishing Up Whole30. Here's What You Should Do Next

I also tried Whole30 meal-kit options from Blue Apron, which offered recipes I would have never thought to make myself. The switch helped a little with my sense of disillusionment, but I was counting down the days.

The aftermath: reintroducing foods

While gorging on cheese and bread post–Whole30 sounds fun, it's not the way you're supposed to end the elimination diet. Instead, you want to slowly reintroduce certain food groups to see how each individually affects your body and mind. I decided to go this route because I was interested in discovering food sensitivities. And frankly, I was afraid of puking the second I came into contact with dairy or alcohol.

When the clock struck midnight, I couldn't wait any longer: I helped myself to a serving of plain white rice. I sat on my couch cross-legged, eating each spoonful with my eyes closed like one of the yogurt commercial ladies. I even smiled. The next day, I ate more gluten-free carbs, like rice and paleo pancakes. I also had wine and tequila, a grain-free liquor option. I didn't get bombed like I was worried about, but I did have a worse-than-usual hangover the next day. The fun night out was worth it, though.

RELATED: 8 Smoothie Bowl Recipes You'll Love

Since then, I've reintroduced legumes, soy, added sugar, and dairy back into my diet. Since I'm lactose intolerant, I was most afraid of dairy, but it seems as of my dairy intolerance has disappeared, which is an unexpected positive. I definitely sleep worse, though, and feel more bloated when I enjoy dairy or carbs with gluten. So going forward, I'll be eating these with more moderation than before.

So was it worth it?

Overall, my biggest Whole30 lesson is that mindful eating is possible. I don't have that urge to eat everything in sight, but I also know I don't need to deprive myself or worry about food 24/7. There's a happy medium where I get to decide what I really crave, weigh whether it's worth the bloat or restless sleep I might experience after eating it, and then say yes or no. I've caught myself thinking like this more, and so the ultimate goal of Whole30 has worked: I've changed my relationship with food—for the better.

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