#this is one of those 'came to me ina dream' pieces

[phyllidaluna]

oh yeah final(?) version that utena print I’ve been working on

unless I add some definition to the castle? Not sure if the silhouette with holes works better for the vibe I want. also maybe??? higher contrast on legs

[peninkwrites]

the dead don't dream - ch 25 of ?

Tommy does some reading and writing. Quackity and Tubbo don't talk politics.

(CW: blood and horror and mild self harm)

crossposted to ao3

Ch 1

Ch 24

Ch 26

-

The Good

-I’m eating again.  I tried carrots again the other day wasnt sick.

-People want to protect me.  They all awnt to try. and the stasis chambers in the basement make me feel better.  A lot of people offered to have one set up.  Sapnap, Puffy, Sam, Techno, Phil, Tubbo, Ranboo, Bad, Ant, Quackity, Eret.  Just about evryone.  It’s setup so i can press 1 button they all come.  Feels weird cause Dream was gonna keep me using one adn now this keeps me safe.

I think i spend too much time down there though.  Im scared he’ll get me before i can get help so i needto stay near htem.  Im scared to go outside alone.  It’s good i can get help but it also means im stuck here.  I cant leave TUbbo’s house if i want help

“That’s not the good, Tommy…” Tommy mutters, staring gloomily at the page.  It’s true, though.  He’s forced into an awful choice– does he want to be safe, or does he want to be free?  Right now even feeling safe is a struggle.  Maybe he should try looking at the bad stuff for a bit.

The Bad

-im having nightmares again.  Theyr abt Wilbur agian.  But not like before.  It’s bad ina differnt way.

Wil keeps on beggng me to save him.  When it’s just limbo thats bad but osmetimes it’s Dream and thats worse

Tommy doesn’t want to write about that, like pulling those thoughts out of his head will make them more real.  He turns back to the good.

-Eret gave me sunglasses again but I was scared I was gonna lose them agian so i said no.  But when Sam came to help set up the stais chambers he brought be goggles.  Theyre easier to not lose becus I can jst keep them around my neck when I dont need them. Which is most of the time. I don’t really go outside much.

-Ponk also gave me a cane.  I don’t like that it helps.  It doesnt hurt s much and i can walk further.  I havnt fallen yet since i got it but might be because im eating again too.  I wanto walk like normal. Ponk thinks im right that my leg won’tg et beter because there’s nothing to heal. The nerves r damaged.

That’s drifting into the bad again.  Why is it so jumbled up all the time?

-they let me move wilbur closer. I mean i didnt move him im not strong enugh but tubbo helped.  He woudltn let me keep him in the house but he didnt bury him.  He’s in the side of the cliff in a bunker tubbo has.  Hes in glass so i can see him and know hes still there, hes there becaus

No.  No, the why of it is bad.  So he should put that on the bad list, right?  He wants things to be simple.  There’s the good and there’s the bad and if the good list is longer than the bad it means he’s getting better.  Why is this so hard?

The whole reason Tommy starting doing this was because he can’t fucking think straight.  First it was just the decisions that made him clam up, so he started using a book to weigh his options.  Now he’s just trying to piece together whatever his life is now.  He doesn’t want to think about it, about the journaling, as something he has in common with Dream, even though he’d have to admit that had something to do with it.  It comes from himself first and foremost, not Dream.  He’s always liked making plans and lists.  Just because it was in the midst of rereading that awful book that he thought of it is irrelevant.  Tommy hesitates, before turning back to the bad list.

-we put wilbur here so i can check and make sure hes still there. To make sure Dream didnt get him.  I feel more sure because if Dream finds him he’ll have found me too. I have to check thouhg.  After the nightmares

-in the nigtmares i dont save wil.  Sometines i lose him. Sometimes i go back to dream because of him.

-adn it’s not better when im awake. Im thinking about how bad it would have been if theyd showed up even a few minutes later.   I think abou it alot.  and I start pulling on my hair if i think about what was gona happen if they haddnt showed up at all. Or i endup scratching the floor. Whatever makes it stop. It scares tubbo. My nails were bleeding one time when he came back.

He tries not to leave me. but he’s helping sSapnap with looking for Dream or Quackity with L’Manberg.  When hes not here it’s Ranboo a lot but sometimes he forgets and shows up late. He always shows up thouh.

That’s good.  That deserves to go on the good list.  Tommy goes back a page.

-Tubbo tries not to leave me.  Ranboo always shows up even if he forgets and is late sometimes.

-people keep checking on me. Sam comes by and says he wants to make sure the stasis chamber is right but i know it’s just because hes woried.  He brought me pumpkin pie. I havent tried eating it because im worried i won’t be able to.  Ponk comes too.  But they have a better reason.  They check how sick i am still.

Sometimes i say things and it scares people.  Last time sam and ponk came over I told Sam I wanted to be like him. I thougt that was a nice thing to say.  But he got all worried becus i said it all weird.  Which is fair it was weird.  Said I wish I could self destruct and take Dream down with me if he comes fucking near me again.  Didnt mean to assume anyhting.  I dont know if it even works like that.  Sam dint get mad though.  Just asked if he could hug me.  He didnt hug me very tight thugh. Theyre all still scared of breaking me.

-my hair is short agian.  It’s much bette.r  Tubbo cut it.  I got a littl scared becaus of the shears, but Tubbo was really nice about it.  I didnt cry just then but i thought i was goign to.  Not bad tears though i dont think.  It was just different.  Gentle stuff doesn’t feel normal.  The hugs are a little less scary becuase Wilbur hugged me, but Tubo brushed knots out of my hair.  He was so careufl but it wasnt because he felt bad for me.  I coud tell it was different.  It was kindof like it fixed something.  Something i thought broke inme a long time ago.  I guess it ddint feel fixed. More like it s still broken but Tubbo took care of me anyway.

Tommy pauses.  He looks up at the bubbling pools of water around him.  It’s a careful design.  If he were to close one trap door, they all would.  Tommy had pointed out Dream could use it to summon them one at a time and kill them easily, so Sam made sure it couldn’t be done one by one.  It made sense, but sometimes Tommy almost wanted to use it to just bring Tubbo to him.  He should talk about the bad more.  Tubbo and Ranboo offer to listen.

He doesn’t want to talk about it.  They already don’t look at him the same, he doesn’t want it to get worse.   It’s not like there’s much worse for it to get.  Tommy flips back to the bad page.

-if they hadn’t showed up right then Dream was goign to cut his name into my skin.  It probly would have made a scar.  I dont want to think about what else he was ginna do to me.

There he goes again.  Tommy’s right hand holds a quill, his left drags against the stone floor, the pain shuddering up his arm.  He should stop doing that.  He doesn’t know why it’s so hard to stop.  He’s eating again– why can’t the rest of it get easier too?

“Tommy!  I’m back!” Tubbo’s voice echoes from up the ladder.  Tubbo always announces himself.  Tommy still flinches, holding his hand close to his chest, like he’s scared he’ll get in trouble for dragging his nails across the floor.  He knows if anything Tubbo would just look at him, that worried gaze with a bit of rage too, but not rage towards him.

“I’m here too!” Quackity’s voice follows.

Tommy should probably go upstairs and talk to them.  Tommy gathers his two books, tucking them both away in his inventory.  They’re both equally unassuming.  The only difference is one has his blood on the pages.

“You were down there when I left,” Tubbo almost sounds disappointed when Tommy climbs up through the trap door.

“I came back up and got food,” Tommy mutters.  “Hey, Big Q.”

“Hey, Tommy!  How’s… how’s it going?” Quackity’s cheerfulness seems a bit forced.  Same as everyone who’s come by to visit.  Their efforts to treat him like normal always ring hollow.

“Oh.  You know.  Just… working on getting Wilbur,” Tommy isn’t sure if he’s lying or not.  He hadn’t opened Dream’s journal all day.  It comes and goes.  Sometimes he can’t pull himself away from the thing, and other times he almost wants to burn it.

Something in Quackity’s expression changes for a moment, before his usual grin returns too fast for Tommy to try and guess what look Quackity had given him.  Quackity just pushes on.  “Right.  Tubbo over here has been helping me take over!  It’s gonna be weird– y’know?  A L’Manberg cabinet without either of you.”

“We’ll still be around, Big Q,” Tubbo shrugs.  “Just got… bigger things on my mind as of late.”

“Yeah, me, right?” Tommy scoffs.

“It’s not all about you, bossman,” Tubbo teases.  “Right now I’ve got important plans.”

“Do you?”

“Yep.  Gonna make rabbit stew to go with the pie Sam brought us,” Tubbo nods knowingly.

“Oh, right.  Very important,” Tommy rolls his eyes.  “Here I am, trying to solve death, but you’ve got some soup.”

Tubbo half nods, and his smile doesn’t fade, but he doesn’t quip back to that one.

“Is that what all that’s about, Tommy?” Quackity can’t stop himself from asking.

“What?” Tommy looks puzzled.

“Like, what you’re looking for, the stuff to get Wilbur back, d’you really think you can figure out something like that?” Quackity sounds skeptical, but he also knows what it’s like to see someone obsessed with a project to get through grief.  The only thing that got Tubbo to move on was, well, Tommy.  So Quackity continues without reservation.  “Like, aren’t you sorta worried you’re looking for something that might not even be there?”

The look Tubbo gives him is murderous.

Tommy doesn’t get angry; somehow that’s worse.  He frowns, lost in thought for a moment, staring at the ground.  “I know he can be brought back.  I’ve seen it.  I’ve lived it and shit, so.”  Tommy looks up at the two of them, something helpless and certain behind eyes still too grey.  He shrugs, but somehow he’s smiling, even if it isn’t a happy smile.  “So how can I leave him?”

The silence which follows is painful, almost unbearable.  “I’m sorry, Tommy, that wasn’t– that wasn’t fair of me, man.  I’m sorry,” Quackity fumbles for a reply.

“Nah, don’t worry about it, Big Q,” Tommy waves him off.  “Wil was the only thing keeping me together all those months– besides Dream, of course.  And– And Dream was bad,” Tommy says this like somehow despite everything he’s still trying to convince himself.

Tubbo and Quackity have no idea what to say to that.

“I’m back!” Ranboo knocks before he enters, his arrival cutting the tension like a knife.

Tommy still jumps.

Ranboo looks to each of them carefully, thinking.  Tommy needs to get out more.  Tubbo looks an inch away from snapping.  “Shoot.  I forgot– you wanted me to bring back firewood,” Ranboo sighs.  “Tommy, d’you want to come help me?”

Tommy stares at him.  “...Right.  I’d be great at that.  Lifting heavy logs, want me to swing an axe too?” He says dryly.

“Oh, well, if you don’t think you can do it…” Ranboo shrugs, turning back toward the door.

“Hold on, hold on!  I didn’t say that,” Tommy pouts.  “Give me a fuckin’ second to get my coat and shit…”  Tommy does so, and after a moment’s hesitation, grabs the cane from beside the door.  Trekking through snow tends to hurt worse.  His body aches now when he gets cold.

Ranboo and Tommy leave and a tense silence follows.  Tubbo returns to his kitchen, getting out ingredients loudly.  Finally, the tension breaks.  “You shouldn’t have said that shit, Big Q,” Tubbo is sharp, slamming a cutting board on his counter with too much ferocity.

“What, like you aren’t thinking it?  That he’s gonna obsess over Wilbur instead of getting better?” Quackity shoots back.  Tubbo has no reply.  There’s a moment of pause.  For once Quackity doesn’t want to be right.  He sighs.  “So, how is he?  All things considered,” Quackity nods towards the front door, where Ranboo and Tommy had just disappeared.

Tubbo frowns, focused on the cutting board in front of him.  “Better, I think.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” a pause, Tubbo chopping vegetables methodically.  There’s an edge to his voice; that always seems to happen when he talks about Tommy now.  “Not better enough.”

Quackity nods grimly.  “Yeah.  I mean, that makes sense.”

“Does it?” Tubbo’s voice grows high and sharp.  “He doesn’t leave that fucking basement and he doesn’t stop looking at that fucking book.  I– I dunno if taking him out here into the snow was a good idea, but I thought at least here he’d be safe, but he’s– He acts like he’s still a fucking prisoner! And I’m supposed to be the one making things better.”

“Come on,” Quackity shifts uncomfortably.  “You can’t mean that, he’s just– He’s nervous, understandably, right–?”

Tubbo stops his chopping, his shaky hands too close to drawing blood.  He turns to face Quackity sharply, a storm still brewing behind his eyes.  There’s always too much stirring under the surface with Tubbo, and it always breaks free with little warning.  “You wanna know what he said to me the other day, Big Q?”

Quackity stares, dread growing louder in the back of his head, but how can he not ask?  “What?”

“S-So, I come home, and he hasn’t moved from that fucking basement, so I– I ask him!” Tubbo gestures aggressively towards the snowy windows.  “I asked him if he’d gone outside that day, or if he’d gotten something to eat– or– or something– and h-he gives me this look, this surprised fucking look, and goes ‘oh, I forgot you’d let me leave.’  Let him?!  Fucking let him?!” Tubbo laughs and it sounds almost like a threat.  Tubbo wants to hurt something, but his ideal target is currently fucking MIA.  “Does that sound like nerves?!  Or does that sound like someone who doesn’t– who can’t–” Tubbo takes a shaky breath.  He needs to stop shouting before Tommy hears him.   “H-He always expects doors to be locked, okay?  And that’s–”  Tubbo’s voice is shaking from more than anger now.  “That’s not better, Big Q.”

Quackity seems to come to some decision, nodding resolutely.  “You don’t have to help me with L’Manberg stuff anymore, Tubbo.  I’ve got it.  Sapnap is still working his ass off trying to find Dream.  You should be here, with him.  I know you want to be.  The rest of us… we’ll cope without you, okay?”

Tubbo scoffs.  “Huh.  I’m glad you think I can help him, Big Q.  But I dunno how Tommy is going to get better when the very man he’s having nightmares about is still out there.”

“We’ll get him,” Quackity sounds utterly sure.  “However long it takes, we’re hunting that man down and we’re tearing him apart.”

“Well, don’t be too hasty, Tommy wants him back alive,” Tubbo shivers.  “For Wilbur’s sake.”  He glances in the direction of the bunker.  “The nightmares are still bad.  I’m not as worried about him freaking out and getting himself hurt, but it’s not gone away.  I know he still has them.  I hear him getting up and going to the bunker.”

“Yeah,” Quackity follows his gaze, unable to hide his disgust.  “It’s fucking weird how much he visits that body.  We should’ve buried it.”

Tubbo, for all his own irritation, gets defensive.  “It’s not like he’s hugging it.  He’s just checking to make sure it’s there.  It comforts him.  What were we supposed to do, just say no?  ‘Sorry, Tommy, you’ll just have to trust that he’s still there every time you have a nightmare’?  He’d probably end up running halfway across the server in the middle of the night, alone, and that’s not an option.  Nah, what’s really weird is Wilbur being the one who protected him apparently.  Where did that come from?  Tommy was learning to live without him before all this bullshit happened, after how he screwed us over, we all were…”

Quackity seems to find this part more reasonable than the corpse in the walls.  “Hey, they were foxhole buddies.  You remember what that was like, back in Manberg.  We had to put up with the same shit, some of the same shit, anyway,” Quackity pauses for a moment.  He fleetingly has the thought he should ask Tommy about Schlatt.  If he’d seen Wilbur, then… No.  Not something worth pursuing.  He refuses to let it be.  “And I fucked up then, too.  But I mean, look at us now.  I was an asshole, and now I’m your Vice President!” Quackity grins, nudging him teasingly.

“Not my VP anymore, Quackity,” Tubbo smiles cheekily.  “You were a bit of an asshole.”

“Hey!  I got better!” Quackity pretends to pout.  The moment calms.  “But, yeah, you heard him.  If Wilbur was all he had to hold onto… It makes sense.  Him wanting him back.”

Tubbo hums a noncommittal reply.  Wilbur just feels like one more thing Tubbo needs to protect Tommy from.

~

“Wake up.”

There’s a white mask above him.  Tommy can’t move.  It’s the familiar pain of being paralyzed.

“It’s time to come home, Tommy.  You’ve had your fun.  Now it’s time for you to come back,” Dream ruffles his hair and there’s nothing Tommy can do to stop him.

“No– No, fuck you!  S-Stay away from me!”  Tommy cannot move, but he can scream.

No one comes.  Not Tubbo, not Ranboo, not anyone.  He doesn’t know where he is.  It’s dark.  It’s not Limbo, though, because Dream is here.

Dream shakes his head, tutting him.  “Would you look at that.  You’ve been away for, what, a few weeks and already you’ve lost your manners!  I worked so hard to teach you those.  I can teach you again, you know.”

Tommy is sitting up.  He can’t remember moving.  Dream crouches down so they’re eye to eye, or eye to mask, rather.

“I have someone who’s gonna help me with that, you know.  Someone I think you really miss,” Dream’s voice rings with mocking pity.

“I’m gonna kill you– I’ll f-fucking kill you again, you bitch, don’t fucking touch him–” Tommy knows he sounds terrified.

“Tommy, please!  Tommy– make him stop!  P-Please do whatever he says just make him stop!” Wilbur is screaming, screaming like he’s close by.  Tommy can’t see him.

“Wil?!  Wil– if you can hear me–”

“Tommy, it hurts!  Please, Tommy!  Don’t leave me alone with him!” Wilbur is crying.  Tommy always gets scared when his brother cries.

(This is wrong.  It’s all wrong. Wilbur would never tell Tommy to give himself up.)

“Hear that, Tommy?” Dream whispers too close.  “He wants you to come home too.  You miss him, don’t you?”

(This is a nightmare.  This isn’t real.  So why does it still hurt?)

“Oh, I see.  You don’t care,” Dream continues, scolding and cruel.  “You should tell that to his face, you know.  You should tell him you don’t care.”

Tommy wants to scream, but he can’t make a sound as his brother’s bloody face is dragged from the darkness.  Wilbur is coughing up blood, it’s dripping from his eyes, so much blood pouring out from inside of him, a flood, the blood fresh and hot and its metallic scent far too real.  He’s reaching towards him, desperate, clawing hands, and then Wilbur is on the ground.  He cannot remain standing as blood pours from his ears, from his mouth, from his eyes, beading up from his very pores until he is nothing but red.  Tommy still cannot move.  Even as Wilbur writhes on the ground like a man possessed, and despite the blood in his mouth, Tommy can still hear him screaming–

Tommy doesn’t scream when he wakes up.  Instead he feels like he’s choking.  He’s tangled in the blankets, struggling to get free.

Finally he hits the cold wooden floor, gasping for breath, finally getting his bearings on reality.

He is in Tubbo’s home.  He’s safe.  Safe-ish.

That one was bad.  Not the worst, but as far as nightmares go, far from easy.  Ponk has offered potions to help Tommy sleep.  He hasn’t accepted them.  He’s scared he won’t be able to wake up when he needs to.  It doesn’t make his nightmares any more bearable.

It takes a few more minutes for Tommy’s racing heart to slow.  He stands, looking towards Tubbo’s bed on the other side of the room.  He hasn’t stirred.  Good.  Tommy treads carefully, an act he is well practiced in, and puts on his boots.  He grabs the cane from beside the wall, and after a moment of hesitation, he grabs a book he keeps tucked carefully under his mattress.

The cold air clears his head, and despite having a destination in mind, he stops to just look up.  He still hasn’t gotten used to seeing the stars again.  He could keep watching them.  Just to be sure they were going to stay there.

No, he won’t be able to rest until he sees this through.

Tommy goes to the bunker under the hill.  His left hand has his cane, which he leans more heavily on going down the steps.  The bunker has two floors, Tommy can see into the lower one through the gaps in the floor.  He looks down just to be sure he’s alone.  Wilbur is to the right, laid gently in a gap cut into the wall just for him, a sheet of glass keeping him from the rest of the room and rot.  He looks like he could be sleeping now.  He's covered by the same L'Manberg flag they had buried Tommy with.  Except for his face.  Tommy had needed to be able to see his face.

Tommy stares at him for a moment, right hand pressed to the already smudged glass.  “Hey, Wil,” he says it softly, a familiar greeting.  He sighs.  “You’re still here…”

He wishes that relief were enough.  It’s not.  Tommy doubts he’ll be able to sleep again tonight.  Tommy slowly leans against the wall beside Wilbur’s tomb, sliding to the ground.  He reaches for his book.  It’s the one with blood on its pages.

Tommy opens it.  He feels sick; not for the gore and violence lovingly described on its pages– although, that kind of horror is no stranger to him– but by just a few lines, a simple side note without flourish or fanaticism, not of any particular note to someone else, but to Tommy they’re so cruel it almost hurts.

“I’ve gotten distracted.  I started running out of copies.  Had to leave Tommy in lockup for a while to make more.  It’s stupid.  He got to rest while I did the dirty work.  Maybe I’ll teach him.  Enough that he can do most of it.  Not like he’ll ever have the opportunity to use it.”

Maybe I’ll teach him.

Maybe I’ll teach him.

Maybe I’ll teach him.

Tommy had never imagined there would be a moment where he regretted the timing of his rescue.  And yet, here he is.  He can’t help but think: how much longer he would he have had to suffer?  How much longer would he have had to put off rescue?  How many days, how many deaths, how much pain, had been between Tommy and learning how to save his brother?

[venomandfaith]

what a year it has been! I still can’t believe it’s already ending, I mean, it still feels like April, right? I really do hope 2021 will be a better year and shine a brighter light for all of us. I can’t believe I just joined Tumblr in late March as it’s like I’ve known you all for years! I’m so glad that I’ve made many friends, posted my writings and created a platform where I can express myself without worry. I myself had a rough year, with the passings of those close to me and a friendship break up with someone I thought was my soulmate, I really thought 2020 would bring me down in the end but here I am all in one piece thankfully!

I just wanted to encapsulate how grateful I am to the people that have supported my work and kept up with my bullshit in one post. you guys have no idea what you mean to me and when I say I’m thankful, I mean it. I really wished I could do something more than just a post but for now, this will make do. thank you so much for dealing with me and my randomness!

those I hold dear to my heart:

@safari-karrot - MY DEAREST KATEYKINS, you were the first one I ever talked to on Tumblr and I remember telling you about how excited I was to finally cross paths with someone who was my age. I am so glad that you’ve been with me since day one when I felt very alone as I tried to guide my way through Tumblr as a fic writer. you and your posts make me smile and laugh and gosh YOU’RE SO FUNNY I love talking to you and I 100% would have late night conversations with you if timezones weren’t a thing. you’re very special to me and I hope you know that, okay? I may not always be there right away if you need a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, but I’ll try my best. love love love you!

@pi-kai-sso - kai darl, you’re simply one of the best friends I’ve made on here. I’m so happy we started talking and I love hearing your stories you tell us in the group chat and through asks. They’re very entertaining and interesting, I’ll never get tired of anything you have to say as I learn something new about you everytime. You’re such a wonderful, talented person and I’m glad we are able to ~vibe~. Love you <3

@peaceisouranthem - sweet sweet ayden, where do I start with you? you came into my life when I needed someone the most during what I think was one of the most darkest times of my life. your reassurance, encouragement, and support throughout our friendship is something that I will always treasure. you’re such an angel and I really don’t know what I did to have someone as understanding and compassionate as you in my life. I will cherish you forever.

@satans-helper - ZARA HI I am in love with your blog and your fics and your posts are always top notch. Your fics continue to astound me and your writing is just... wow. Thank you for your tremendous support for my own writing (especially Fast Car hehehe even though that fic was lowkey a mess)! your comments in the tags always leave a big fat smile on my face :D

@edgeofgreta - megan! hi! I just think it’s really cool that we were able to bond over The Wanted, which made me feel less alone around the time of Tom’s diagnosis. also, thank you for inspiring me to start gif making! the fact that you pump out content so quickly is really admirable and I applaud you for that, especially since (I’ve heard, correct me if I’m wrong) that you’re a nurse. and with that I say thank you for your dedication and strength working in the front line in such scary times like this. your hard work doesn’t go unnoticed xx

@cantbehandled-ever - HI I think you’re really cool and funny and holy cow do I want to be closer friends with you! it’s always nice to see you on my dash and I don’t think you know this but I feel like we have a lot in common :D have a nice day, lovely!

those everyone should follow and I think are really cool:

@shes-outta-sight / @myownparadise96 / @mountainofthesunn / @ninkisixx / @peacelovekiszka / @dreams-madeof-strawberrylemonade / @garbagevanfleet / @motley-honey / @useyourillusion / @kissthesun / @guns-n-crue / @dufflesmckagan / @jimmypages / @oblvions / @woman-ina-dream / @illtakeitgoddammit / @jake-kardashian / @supersonic-darling / @thenewagecrisis / @sleazyizzy / @moogotron / @brianmaysclog / @annasinthewalls / @green-tinted-sixties-mind 

--

as some final words from me, I hope we can ring in the new year with hope that it’ll be better than 2020, that it’ll be the time where our biggest dreams come true and the light at the end of the tunnel finally appears. I love you guys and wish you all a happy new year <3 xx

[a-collection-of-villainous-aus]

Can I request a mini drabble where Acylius gets BlackHat to write with Diamond ink for the first time? It just came to me and the idea seems so cute! UwU

(Acylius was the name i gave doctor flug long before I knew it was kenning, this is black hat pre power and is at the height of 4ft 5 and Flug is six ft seven)

It was early morning, the package had arrived late last night, Black Hat already in bed.

(night before flash back)

Acylius had almost rushed to wake the short demon until his friend and butler Cruentus took him by the scruff of the neck, trust me despite being shorter he was very capable of doing such a thing, if anyone but his friend or Black Hat had done such a thing they would be a bloodied pile on the floor.

"Sir, he has been training all day in an attempt to know how to work his way around upper class rituals, I am sure you are aware he continued learning that dance just to be close to you."

Acylius tilted his head

"Cru, my dear friend that is not something to jest about, you know my feelings for him, but I know his disdain for my class...I fear he will never see me more as someone who is simply less of an ass than the rest."

The hellhound gave him a deadpan look and shook his head, he loved him he did but how he seemed to be in the presence of the densest people in the universe was beyond him.

"Yes well, then do not be an ass and wake him now, he is resting finally, it has taken him months to feel safe enough to do so, gift Amadeus in the morning when he has slept, if you wake him before nine I will personally slap you down the stairs and have you clean the kitchen."

"I dunno, I would do it, I am not above house-ow ow!"

Cruentus had him by the ear

"Bed now young man!"

"I am not that young!"

"To me you are, in fact if you recall Amadeus is older than you."

"I am three hundred plus years I am not a baby."

Acylius pouted, not moving lest his friend tug his ear and he knew he would.

"Well you are mine ever since I took you from that monstrous beast who birthed you, now get ready for bed and behave, maybe I will bring your favorite hot chocolate."

"Yes daaaaad."

Acylius smiled a little and kissed his father's cheek good night.

Acylius was pacing his room, teeth brushed a and dressed, the clock was only at eight, the gift sat on his dresser.

Ears twitching, maybe he should have breakfast, or he could make his Gremlin breakfast, yes, he did after all enjoy pancakes and he was good at making fluffy pancakes, yes he'd make blue Berry as well as lemon and raisin, he needed to distract himself.

His biggest worry in this moment was wondering if Amadeus would like it or scoff at its pretentious ideals...

To most it was an honor to say you even owned such a set or be allowed to write in it.

Taking the present down stairs carefully with him he set it on the kitchen table and went to work on making breakfast, yes Cruentus could have done it, would have done it if asked but he was a capable being he had hands and he was going to use them.

It was five to nine by the time he was serving up, his entire body itching, he wanted to wake...maybe it would be nine by the time he arrived to his room yes!

Set up on the tray stacks of fluffy pancakes and a pot of tea, a lower set of arms protruding from his waist to hold the present, he walked slowly in purpose just to make sure it was nine by the time he arrived.

The door opened and Hat looked up at him

"Looks like Cruentus owes me five pieces of gold, I bet him you would not wait to give me what ever it is you have been fretting about, you always become so giddy and bouncy when you are planning to surprise me with...are those pancakes?"

"Yes..."

Acylius replied blushing brightly.

Oh had he been that obvious?

"Are they for me?"

Amadeus asked, clearly frowning at the fact that he'd lost the bet, at least Flug assumed that was why right?

"Yes."

Flug answer ducking his head and handing him the tray.

"Well do not just stand there like a tree, I am somewhat disappointed that you did not defy your father in this case, I do enjoy the moments where you burst in unannounced happy to tell me specifically something."

Acylius paused, blinking, that was not what he'd expected, Black Hat had wanted him to be a bother?

He twisted his upper hands nervously his lower one's still present and holding the black box decorated with a crimson metallic serpent that shimmered in the light, it's fangs the clasps at the front.

Setting his breakfast down and eating the first pancake there was a contented sigh from Amadeus.

"This gift is delicious, thank you."

He unceremoniously shoved another one in his mouth after all one thing Hat had learned was that Acylius would never judge him for his natural nature and felt comfortable eating like this.

"That is not the gift you daft gremlin."

Flug chuckled now taking the box in his two upper hands as the lower set disappeared.

Black Hat quirked a long brow

"When you have eaten from bins and packets half discarded I assure you this is a gift."

"Relatable."

Acylius muttered to himself and shook his head when Hat gave him a quizzical look, but thankfully Hat could tell was not a time to ask deeper into that answer.

Acylius came forward and set the box down

"This Amadeus Black Hat is a item only a few ever own and can only be ordered by one such as myself."

"You mean rich spoiled-"

Acylius placed a finger to his lips

"Carry on if you do not want it, but no, you must be a legion demon to aquire this, it will raise your status greatly to use what I have procured for you and must only be used in times of importance or addressing certain...fops who will only respond to such letters. "

Black Hat wanted nothing more than to kiss the demons hands, he'd seen them do work, things that drove him wild and just to have one finger laid upon his lips made his body tremble and heart race.

"I will do as you ask Acylius."

He blushed realising his voice came out a little huskier than intended.

"My hands are dirty though, would you show me I do not wish to ruin this gift."

Acylius went on one knee beside the bed and opened the box for him.

Inside laid a wax seal stamper, in which Flug was more than happy to show it was a symbol of a top hat with a ring around it with the letter B H on either side of the Hat.. Oh clever the O was the ring, crimson wax and beautiful pieces of high quality paper all with his insignia.

It looked so stylish, so beautiful he had to wonder if this was some sort of joke, Acylius presented the quill, showing its sleek colouring that in the light the ebony feather shone red, the nib gold with intricate curling patterns...

No..

No he had not.

He saw the ink bottle he knew that bottle only from stories and a brief glance of seeing it in Acylius’s study.

"You...diamond ink, the blood of your kind and that of the oldest dust of the galaxies."

"I have to attend a few parties I would rather not go to but in my opinion a small price to pay, especially when I can see how happy you are."

Acylius's ears wiggled happily

"The ink lasts far longer than any other brand or kind but it does have an end to it, so still be careful and be sure you know what you are doing if you need to summon someone with this."

Black Hat nodded still in awe of this beautiful gift, the set would be out of his price range even with the money he earned helping Cruentus around the home.

After all he'd insisted he do some kind of work, he was not comfortable with just taking hand outs.

"Is there anyway I can say thank you?"

Hat asked barely able to take his gaze from the set, though he did notice, Acylius had leaned ina moment, only to hesitate and pull back.

Why, why did he play this game with him, could he not just be a cad for once and take him, he would handle the emotional turmoil afterwards that it'd been a moment of passion, he wanted this idiot Legion to wreck him, if only he'd give him a true sign that even he was allowed to make the first move, but he dare'nt lest he be kicked from this place.

He could not bare the thought of strangers hands on him, to be touched by someone who was not his tree...to be out there again...he would deal with it if it came to that but he also would not jeopardise the only place that felt like home to him.

So he thought for a moment and smiled

"If I recall at Christmas I asked if you would kiss me."

Hat subtly leaned in closer, watching as Acylius's skin started to glow like soft starlight.

Was he truly that flustered around him.

"I, um...yes you did, but I would not ask... Considering asking unless I thought you were..."

Hat took that moment to damn everything and pulled him in close by his neck tie, pancakes falling on his lap onto the floor, he didn't care, all that mattered right now was that the moment he'd kissed Acylius was that the over grown tree of an idiot was kissing back.

It was passionate and intense, he felt the doctors hands on his waist moving to hold him close, it was like the dam had broken finally at least Hat hat hoped...

When Acylius came to his senses, he looked horrified

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I shouldn't have...I didn't ask I'll be good I promise don't hate me..."

He disappeared ina shadow travel wisp of smoke leaving Amadeus confused...and concerned that was...that was no ordinary reaction, not a rejection there were traumas the Legion had clearly suffered...was this perhaps why he was finding it so difficult to reach out to him.

What happened to Acylius...did it have anything to do with those scars or the mother he called monster, in another situation Hat would have been hurt...but that...just left him longing to reach out...and offer him the same comfort Acylius had always given him...

Perhaps one day he'd find out...

But today was not that day.

The kiss lingered on his lips a beautiful moment, a dream that was eternally his.

[nadacwriter]

OCtober 20: Glow

Part of @oc-growth-and-development‘s OCtober! 

Writer’s block and a subsequent low knocked me out of the race for a while, but I think I’m finally good enough to write up a NADAC piece for you guys! 

And this one is going to set up an arc, so get ready for that. 

Words: 1,471

Gina couldn't sleep. This was a common occurrence for her. Without some sort of pill or drug or whatever else the doctor was trying on her, it was a miracle if she could sleep at all. She groaned and rolled out of her bed and pulled herself up, stretching and cracking a few joints, popping her back, and throwing a bathrobe on over her pajamas.

Late autumn chill was getting worse. Supposed to be snow in a few hours, though Gina never minded the cold that much anyways. It was maybe 25 out there now? She didn't care.

Gina spied her clock. 1 in the morning. Even GUS would be asleep by now.

“...I'm going to the beach.”

And so, Gina threw on a pair of black cargo pants, and a nice, thick sweater, as well as some hiking boots, and went out there, tying her hair out on the way down the steps from her deck to the beach...it was cold, it was cloudy, but the moon was full, and Gina had never had problems seeing at night. Odd, really; her vision was terrible in the daytime, but at night, things seemed to even out a little. Didn't even need her glasses...as soon as the sun came over the horizon, though, it was bad.

Gina had put her glasses in her pocket just in case.

When she got to the beach, Gina realize how tough the ground was. The sand out here got really damp, and whenever it got below freezing, it'd harden up. That, and the lake was fresh water, not salty; it froze at 32 degrees or below. It was hard to tell where the beach ended and where the lake began. Gina stayed far back, just in case. She sat down on the hard, flat sand, and crossed her legs.

Gina sighed as she looked out onto the frozen lake. “Why don't I get to sleep?” She asked. She liked being out at night, sure, but it wasn't like she loved to spend her days at school exhausted and panicked and irritable. Her myriad of other problems gave her enough to deal with. She huffed, bringing her knees close to her chest, resting her chin between her knees. “Tomorrow's gonna be fun...'oh, Gina, why do you look so tired?' 'Oh, it's because I couldn't sleep but I also couldn't freeze myself to death because apparently my blood's made of MAGMA.”

She huffed once more, kicking herself up and storming towards the steps. That's when she heard it first.

The sound was beautiful...a siren, maybe? No, no sirens inland, they were salt water creatures, a siren wouldn't last terribly long in the lakes.

Maybe a mermaid of some sort? No, most mermaids were well into hibernation at this point, much like most fish in the lakes at this time.

Wisp? No, the noise was coming from the lake, and wisps were land animals.

Gina figured it'd be safe to turn around and look.

She saw a glowing figure at the end of the ice. It was humanoid, but definitely not human. It was glowing, for crying out loud. Gina looked on at the creature, had she read something about these before? Was this just, like, a ghost or something?

Whatever it was, it was getting closer, gliding from the edge of the ice to the edge of the beach. Ina could get a better look at it if she just had binoculars, but something told her if she ran to grab them, she would miss whatever this thing was.

“The one time I don't bring my camera and I see a ghost. This is turning out to be some night.” Gina said, rolling her eyes and moving ever so slightly closer to get a good look at the figure.

It was a humanoid glowing figure, humming a tune from the bank of the lake. Gina could swear she'd heard the tune before. But this wasn't a siren. Those were salt water, they didn't prey on children, and they certainly didn't get this close to land to risk their prey escaping. Also, Sirens didn't typically GLOW BRIGHT BLUE.

Gina hadn't read anything like this. Maybe it'd be safe to get just a little closer? Gina pressed forward, watching her step on the slick sand. She was trying to make out a face of some kind. If it had a face, she might be able to communicate with it, though, that wasn't always the case. As she got closer, the thing got brighter and brighter. She stopped seeing the object's shape, her eyes adjusting poorly to light.

Her glasses! She reached into her pocket, opened the case, and put her glasses on. She was hoping she'd be able to at least see a little better when she got closer to whatever it was.

She wasn't prepared for it.

She couldn't have been.

“Gina. Come closer.”

The figure was a Draugh. Very bizarre creatures that turn into strange ghosts after they die, haunting wherever it is they died for a pretty long time. They were good at blending into human societies, some say they're actually a different species of human altogether. They have longer lifespans, different needs, and different rituals.

The idea of a person actually being a Draugh instead of a human was a sort of commonplace thing. About one in every one million people in the United Sates was actually a draugh, though they may never know until they die, and even then, if they believed in ghosts, they may not know until after their death.

But when a Draugh died, they lost all semblance of identity; just growing blank humans. Unknowable, untouchable. It was a harrowing sight, especially on a cold, cloudy night on an icy beach. This one avoided the land; it must have died in the water.

“How do you know my name?” “I know a lot of things. Like your true nature.”

“you're not about to tell me I'm a Draugh, are you?” Gina asked, “I've been to every doctor on the upper peninsula trying to figure my shit out, if I were a Draugh, I would've known by now.” Gina said, frustrated.

“It's not that.” The draugh said. “Come with me.”

“...fine.”

gina walked onto the ice, following the Draugh. She'd never been one to turn down offers from the Amadic, and Draugh ghosts had no reason to kill others. What was the point? Death adds some perspective, it seems.

When the pair got to the edge of the ice, it started to crack…

“I'm having second thoughts about this-” “I will get you back to shore, Gina. Just stay at the center, and you'll be fine.”

The ice broke off, and began to drift on some unseen current.

“I'll start with the obvious...you are definitely a Draugh.' The figure said to Gina, “You just don't tell your doctors enough.”

“What? I tell them everything!” Gina said indignantly, crossing her arms and tapping her foot.

“Never told them about the night vision, or the ability to see ghost deer, or the resistance to cold. Just the sleeping and eating.”

“Well, those are the things I want fixed!” Gina said, sitting down on the flowing ice, “What the hell are we even doing out here? You needed to take me all the way HERE to tell me I'm some mystical creature?” She asked, “While I appreciate the ambiance, you could've just...left me a note or something.”

“You're not reacting in the way people usually react.”

“Shock and awe? I'm more interested in the world outside me than inside me.”

“You've just been informed as to-” “I get it, alright!? The weird reams, the weird deer, everything, I get it. But just because it has a name doesn't make things better.”

“hat's not what you said about your thyroid.” “This is DIFFERENT from that! I don't wa-...how did you know about my-”

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP “uhghghghhhghhghhghhghhhhhhhhhhhhh...”

Another bad dream. A weird one, that didn't make any sense. Gina knew she wouldn't react like that. She clicked her alarm off and looked outside. Fresh snow! She got out of her bed and calmly gathered her things up, preparing for school.

Her glasses...wher were her glasses? She looked around a bit and then felt her face-oh, she was wearing them.

Why was she wearing her glasses?

A knock on the door.

“Come in.”

Gina's father opened the door smiling gently, “Birdie, morning! Enjoy your walk?”

“...My walk?” She asked.

“You came in from a walk this morning around 3, said something about ice mermaids and went to bed.”

“...” Gina ran over to her clothes hamper and found her sweater, the one she wore in the dream. It was clean yesterday, but it felt damp with snow…

“...Any chance we can go to the doctor today?”

[thesiamay]

PUBLISHED ARTICLE #4

https://push.abs-cbn.com/2020/3/13/fresh-scoops/guess-whos-baking-nikki-valdez-discovers-a-sweet-20205

I personally interviewed Nikki Valdez for this article. I drafted questions for her to answer and then used all the details she shared to come up with an article that tells the story of her life, showbiz journey and business discovery.

Guess who's baking? Nikki Valdez discovers a sweet new route to success

By Thesia May Molines

Who can forget Tudis of Ang Tanging Ina or Karen of Got 2 Believe? These are just a few of the notable roles the lovable Nikki Valdez has played throughout her career that spans two decades.  

Starstudio.ph was given the privilege to visit her home—which at this time was smelling like heaven, and for a delicious reason. 

Nikki Valdez as a child

Ma. Alinica Garcia Valdez takes us to a walk down memory lane as she shares glimpses of her younger years. 

She begins: “Medyo boyish ako, I like hanging out and doing boy stuff.” Hailing from San Pedro, Laguna, the young Nikki enjoyed outdoor activities such as rollerblading, volleyball, and biking. She even recalls how she would go out with her cousins to mountain hikes and enjoy the stunning view.

Nikki was also an active choir member and was always present whenever there is a church activity. “I grew up being a member of a choir, siguro up until I think I was high school.”

According to her, it's where she developed her singing, which gave her the chance to enter the world of show business.

How she entered the showbiz scene

Summer of 1996—she was at her cousin's house when 80s balladeer Marco Sison was being interviewed in a showbiz talk show back then called Cristy Per Minute. Marco announced to the public that she will be having a summer workshop. Nikki’s mom, Mommy Norma, immediately asked her to give it a shot. At first, she was hesitant, telling her mom, “Ayoko ma, eh kasi mag-a-audition, baka hindi ako matanggap."

“One fear of mine is failure and rejection,” says Nikki. However, when the day of the audition came, her mom and grandmother were adamant that she should join.

“Wala akong prepared materials noon, I just grabbed whatever materials or music that I had there."

Unprepared, Nikki and her mother went to Perpetual Binan Ano ito, school? Church? What's the complete name for the audition, a town away from the family's hometown of San Pedro. During the audition proper, Nikki Valdez shared how nervous she was because other contestants were being asked to stop midway during their performance. When it was finally her turn, she sang Let the Pain Remain by Rachel Alejandro. She fondly shares how she will never forget that piece.

Everything about the audition is still vivid in her memory as she recalls: “Eh 'di ayun, kumanta ako, ‘tas tumigil na ako kasi yung mga nauna sakin, tumitigil? Sabi nila ‘ay hindi, continue’ so they made me finish the whole song and sabi nila ‘alright, we’re getting you,’ ganun!”

Out of all the talents Marco Sison had during that time, Nikki Valdez stood out the most. He told Nikki, “I want to bring you to ABS-CBN for an audition.”

After the audition, Nikki thought she failed to make the cut because she never got a call back. However, it turns out the staff just had a hard time reaching her!

“You know how I was informed? Through telegram. Kaya hindi na ako umabot sa Star Circle Batch 3, sabi nila sa Batch 4 ka na ilalaunch, kasi there is no time. You still need to undergo workshops, so yun. That’s how it happened.”

Nikki’s journey to becoming a star proves that some things are meant for you, no matter how long the delays might be. Years later, she has become a household name.

The struggles behind the limelight

Nikki Valdez never imagined in her wildest dreams that she would become a celebrity. She discloses that one of her greatest aspirations was to become an interior designer. “My first choice was Interior Design, kasi ang dami kong ideas. Ano ako eh, frustrated interior designer.”

Yet, destiny led her to somewhere else.

Even before Nikki Valdez became a celebrity, she also experienced hard times. After graduating from high school, she did not have the chance to study college right away because her family was struggling during those days.

Her desire to finish schooling didn't fade away despite such hindrances, however. When she already had the means to pursue college, she enrolled the moment she could. She said, “Parang hinanap ko 'yung ano ko—to finish school, to get into college, So I did. I took my chance.”

She juggled both work and education, but when things started to take a toll on her, she decided she needed to set aside some things for now.

According to her, “School had to take a backseat because showbiz was my bread and butter, and sabi ko, paano ako mag-aaral kung hindi ako magtatrabaho nung time na 'yun?”

It's a good thing she has supportive parents who were always by her side to guide her.

A mother’s love for her child is truly unconditional. Mommy Norma had to give up her job back then so she could take good care of her daughter. Her dad on the other hand is always at bay to drive for them during tapings.

Now that she is already a mother as well, Nikki is willing to do the same for her daughter, Olivia.

“As much as possible, when she has activities that would need my presence, I’m there. When I tell her I will be there, I will be there. Kasi kung ano lang naman kinalakihan mo, yun lang din maishashare mo sa children mo.”

Her daughter is turning 12 this year, and her condition is no secret to the public. Olivia has a congenital malformation in which her fingers have not fully developed. According to Nikki, accepting her daughter’s condition wasn’t that easy. At first, she was in denial, and she began to question her faith. But when Olivia was born, everything changed for Nikki.

“Nung lumabas siya, ginanun niya yung kamay niya sakin, sabi ko, ‘Ay ganda ng anak ko.’ Ayun sa una, puro fear, puro takot para sa anak ko, 'yun pala, siya pa magbibigay ng lakas ng loob. Siya 'yung nagbigay sa'kin nung may mas empathy ako sa mga batang ganun ang condition—but I learned from her."

Nikki Valdez also had her fair share of heartaches. Even before she met her Prince Charming and experienced her own happily-ever-after, she had to endure a series of heartbreaking moments—one of which was the separation from her then-husband. Amidst the turmoil the separation gave her, Nikki bravely faced the obstacles head-on, for her daughter's sake. 

In her effort to heal her broken heart, she wanted to do something to set her mind elsewhere. That was her lightbulb moment—during those empty, low times, the smell of butter, and cream, and so much love, would slowly creep in, and happily fill those spaces.   

The making of Ms. Buttercream

It all started as a hobby, and an outlet for emotions that were piling up inside her—but as Nikki took classes one after another, she fell in love with baking even more.

However, this passion had to take the backseat for a time because she and her then-husband, who were both staying in Canada, had difficulty sorting things out between them.  

Nikki had to go back to the Philippines—and when she did, she stumbled upon a brochure that made her remember her love for baking.  And it prompted her to try again.

Her interest in baking heightened when she got a chance to join the class of Queen of Hearts Couture Cakes, led by two registered Filipina nurses whose passion was also to bake.

“Du'n ko natutunan magdecorate using buttercream, and I for one, am a fan of icing, pastries or cakes. I have a sweet tooth, so I said, ‘Ay, maybe this is something I want to do in the future’. 'Pag magbabake ako ng cake, ang gagamitin kong icing is buttercream icing.”

Nikki Valdez dedicated more and more time and effort in baking. She recalls:

“Umabot talaga ako sa point na yung mga taga taste test ko yung family ko. So, nung sinabi ng mommy ko nu'n na ‘Anak, para namang pati aso hindi kakainin yan. So ginawa ko siya nang ginawa, and finally when I served it to my friends at nakikita kong ready na sila, sabi ko, parang pwede na ako magtake ng orders.”

Thus, Ms. Buttercream was born!

Although Nikki Valdez set to turn her passion into a business venture, she also had hesitations pushing through with it, because she did not know where she was headed to at first. But when people around her started believing in her capabilities—and enjoying her goodies—it gave her a boost of courage to finally turn it into a full-scale business.

Ms. Buttercream turns into a booming business

It was in September 2016 when she started accepting orders. Four years later, everything is turning out great for the celebrity actress-turned-entrepreneur.

People are starting to notice her cakes, and inquiries started to come in, one after another. From weddings to birthdays, you name it! People are setting up appointments months before the event just so she can accommodate them.  Coupled with the sweet taste of a new relationship that ended in a beautiful marriage, Nikki is all set to serve—and set for life.  

Currently, she has two cake flavors—red velvet cocoa and classic butter, but she reveals that she might come out with a new one soon.

She also gave us a peek on how she handles customers and the process of designing itself. “Of course, they tell me how they want the cake to look like, and I send them pegs, but I still add my touch to it.”

When asked what is the most fulfilling part of her baking journey, she answered, “In all their milestones, I am there through my cake. Kaya it’s more than pag sinasabi nilang, ‘Oh I like the cake, it’s very beautiful'—it’s me being a part of their lives. It makes me happy. Iba yung nabibigay niya sa'kin na happiness.”

Nikki Valdez and her love for baking taught us that it’s never too late to pursue what you really love, no matter how long it takes.

[theglassbell]

I had such a strange and vivid dream and I’m going to log it here so I don’t forget + also kind of inteprate the bits and pieces I think I understand. Feel free to ignore this, as I’ll be tagging it #personal and #non witchy.

3/24/2020

So I was in some kind of sorority house or something, and me and a couple other people were doing something illegal in some way and also playing Minecraft. I have a pretty good idea where most of this stems from. I had college on my mind today because I was moving out of my dorm in preparation for solely online classes. I was feeling very radical Bc I was taking a fun trip through political twitter on the drive to campus - hence me dreaming about doing something scandalous and illegal. And I am literally just obsessed with Minecraft. I play it all the time. It usually shows up in my dreams. Now for the rest of the dream, idk.

So moving on. Some sorority girls get mad at my friend and I (it should be noted that I can’t remember who my friend was, just that they were there) and calls the police or something. In order to escape I urge both of us to quickly jump through my computer screen into Minecraft. Like legit into a Minecraft world where we chill and hide from pillagers. It works for a little bit before we get popped back out for some reason, so we then have no choice but to run from the cops. Running from the police (or the FBI) is a particularly common theme in my dreams - don’t ask why, I have no clue - so this wasn’t strange. But we were on an island, and a apparently a really small one at that, so places to hide were in short supply. Things get weirder from here, and involve more islands. I can only assume the setting for this dream was on an island because I’ve been hearing so much about the new animal crossing game.

So I figure I need to get off this island to evade the police. Somewhere in the process of this, I lose my friend (hope you didn’t end up in jail, dream-friend) and continue looking for ways to escape on my own. All I can really remember about this part is that the physics were weird, and I had trouble navigating my way off the island. It was like a video game that has an invisible wall preventing you from reaching a certain area, but those invisible walls were completely random and I had to work around them. I finally get off the island onto a new island and this one is creepy. There’s various people acting out scenarios. They’re simultaneously comfortable and content doing this but also afraid of some unseen force hurting them if they falter in their routine. Each of these scenes is ina square in like water or something, and surrounding each square is this gross garbage/quick sand liquid?? To get from square to square, I had to jump on random pieces of furniture that were floating on the quicksand between squares. In each square, whatever woman was in the scene immediately took notice of me and tried to help me. If I didn’t act correctly, this unseen force (I can’t remember the name) would hurt me, so they showed me what I had to do in each square, which could be sitting completely still for a full night (this unseen force only came out at night?) to holding crystals that would protect me. It was interesting that none of the men ever reacted to my presence or tried to protect me. I went from square to square, doing whatever the women on it told me to do to be safe, until I finally made it to a new thing.

It was like a wall of a ship, but I don’t know if it was actually a ship, just that it was made of metal and had a ladder. There was a wooden platform at the very bottom. And another woman was there. She was also enacting a scene to be safe from this unseen force, and she also tried to protect me. I think this is where I got the protective crystals from. This woman encouraged me when I told her I was looking for a new island to be safe on. I think she might have pointed me towards some possible islands.

Anyway, I climb up the ladder on the side of the ship/metal wall and end up jumping into the water. I had been trying to avoid just plain swimming the entire dream, but I guess at this point I didn’t care anymore. I swam for a bit before looking for a new island. I turned around and saw the old island behind me, where the police were still chasing me. There was also a cruise ship. It looked like a delivery ship (one that has all those metal crates) and was kinda rusty, but dream-me knew it was a cruise ship. Seeing the cruise paired with the island (which had fancy modern buildings and sparkling lights) made me realize it was an island for rich people and I immediately hated it - again, this is probably from being on socialist twitter. I couldn’t see the weird quicksand areas anymore, which was weird. I turned back around in the water, and there was suddenly and island with a castle within swimming distance. It was at this moment that I realized that I had a role to play in every island. Like poptropica I guess? Where there’s a new storyline in every island and problem you fix? I was satisfied with this realization.

At this new island, everything was medieval. There were a bunch of knights standing around on a fancy looking pier that I walked up to. The people in front of me bowed, so I was like “ok I guess I should do that too” and I bowed lol. The main knight kind of made fun of me. I must have looked weird with modern clothes and acted weird Bc I didn’t understand medieval customs. The king came by (and I bowed again) and he decided that I must immediately be trained as a knight. The main knight was exasperated by this but clearly not actually very bothered, and he began leading me into the castle to start training. I was actually pretty excited about this, which is of course when I woke up.

[lzlbitts]

OBAMA’S ELECTION, THE REPUBLICAN FACTOR, AND A PROPOSAL FOR CHINA • • • • •

Liu Xiaobo, like many Chinese, was impressed when American voters chose an African American to be president of the United States. In the following piece, written the day after the election of Barack Obama, he gives his view of the genesis and significance of the event, then follows with a startling suggestion of how a fundamental principle that he sees in the Obama victory might be applied to China.—Ed.

THE SIGHT OF THE OBAMA FAMILY waving to the people in their new role as the next occupants of the White House sparked long dormant political enthusiasm in America and around the world.

The eyes of the entire world were on this election because the status of the United States as a superpower and as the leading nation in the free world makes its president the most powerful man on earth. People even jokingly refer to him as “the President of the World.”

People were watching this election with some problems in mind as well. The financial crisis and the quagmire in Iraq had drastically eroded support for the Bush administration both at home and abroad. The Wall Street crisis had had worldwide repercussions, and the Iraq war seemed to be undermining the international counterterrorist effort. Mainstream opinion in many places was looking forward to “change” in the U.S.

Barack Obama, an African American who sprang from the grassroots, had no weighty political pedigree, not much of a political track record, and not even much administrative experience. His credentials as a state senator and a U.S. senator seemed meager compared to those of other candidates. People were surprised when such a dark-horse candidate defeated Hillary Clinton, a white Democrat from the establishment, in the primary elections. As the election day face-off between him and John McCain approached, there was concern that racist backlash might block an Obama victory, but, just as in the primaries, he defeated his highly qualified opponent by a wider margin than had been seen in years.

My view as a Chinese is that Obama’s elevation to the position of 44th president of the United States underscores he greatness of the American system. What interests me most is not whether Obama will be able to handle the crises he faces, but the obvious evidence of how the American democratic system can correct itself. Every four years, the United States can, if it wants, turn itself around by means of a general election that is open to all. It sometimes does this, especially at moments of great crisis. Despite its democratic traditions, America is a predominantly white nation with a problem of racism that pervades its 200-year history. The election of Obama, a man of Kenyan descent, is a remarkable sign of a more tolerant America in the twenty-first century.

Obama was born in 1961, in an era still marked by racial segregation in the U.S. in 1964 the burgeoning civil rights movement led by Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. achieved some landmark victories: Congress passed the Civil Rights Act, outlawing racial discrimination and segregation and guaranteeing blacks equal right under the law; and Dr. King won the Nobel Peace Prize, one of the most prestigious honors in the world. But bigotry remained rampant, as evidenced most dramatically when a racist assassinated Dr. King on April 4, 1968, and then again when riots occurred in Los Angeles in 1992.

Obama’s election as the first black president is the culmination of a 200-year-long story. His victory grows out of the fertile soil of democracy, the spontaneous struggle of his black brethren, the support of upstanding whites, and the concerted efforts of the Republican and Democratic parties. Obama of course should appreciate what the Democrats have done. But perhaps he should thank his opponents, the Republicans, even more. I say this not only because the Democratic victory was the result of Republican administrative failures. I’m a much broader sense, the systemic changes that Republicans instituted at earlier points in history did much to lay the groundwork for Obama’s election.

The Democrats, and others who oppose racial discrimination, have made historic contributions to the long struggle for racial equality in America. John Brown’s nineteenth-century insurrection art the stage for the abolition of slavery. President Lyndon Johnson, who signed the Civil Rights Bill in 1964, was a Democrat. The Democrats’ strong opposition to racial discrimination is evident, for example, in the left leaning culture of American academe, where racial equality has become “politically correct” to the point where it has led even to charges of “reverse discrimination.”

But Republicans have also made enormous contributions to the cause of racial equality. Abraham Lincoln, a colossus in American history, was a Republican. It was he who issued the Emancipation Proclamation in 1863, legally abolishing slavery, and this paved the way for the ratification in 1868 of the Fourteenth Amendement to the U.S. Constitution, which granted citizenship rights to African Americans. These measures, which were the first steps in African American liberation, became the legal foundations for the twentieth-century civil rights movement. Without the Emancipation Proclamation in the nineteenth century, there would have been no Civil Rights Act in the twentieth.

Moreover it was Ronald Reagan, the preeminent American president of the late Cold War era, who designated he third Monday in January of each year as Martin Luther King Day, a national holiday. Only three people have received this rare honor in the U.S. Columbus, who is recognized on the second Monday in October for his discovery of America; George Washington, the first American president, who is honored on President’s Day, the third Monday in February; and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., martyr to the cause of civil rights.

The Republican administration of George W. Bush, despite the predicaments it put the country in at home and abroad, made significant contributions to the advancement of African Americans in the highest echelons of power. In his eight years in office, Bush achieved some “firsts” in this respect: he appointed the first black secretary of state in American history, Colin Powell, and later replaced him with Condoleezza Rice, the first black woman ever to hold this position. These appointments did a great deal to raise the status of African Americans and energized American minorities politically. The media buzz over whether either Rice or Powell might run for president as a Republican did much to prepare the American public for the emergence of an African American presidential candidate.

Regardless of how well Obama does in handling America’s problems, America definitely now has a new image in the world. America’s new first family is black—and that fact has more symbolic power than any campaign promises. On the television news, I watched how the whole world—including Obama’s ancestral land of Kenya—hailed his election.

In its historical context, Obama’s victory should be called an “American miracle” rather than “Obama’s miracle.” It reminds the world of the greatness of the American melting pot, and inspires us again to look beyond the material aspects of the American dream: its pinnacle is in the Whitw House, not on Wall Street. From now on, the ranks of high-achieving African Americans can include not only Michael Jordans but Barack Obamas as well.

Obama expressed this idea in his victory speech: “ If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer.”

These reflections make me think of proposals for solving China’s ethnic conflicts that have come from my friend Wang Lixiong. Wang argues that, as soon as possible, substantive high-level negotiations should take place between the Chinese Communist Party and the Dalai Lama. Such talks could be advantageous to both sides if they happen while moderate, nonviolent Dalai Lama is still in good health, and while China is still able to maintain peace in Tibet.

In fact, the Chinese Commhnist regime could resolve the entire issue with one bold display of political savvy: it could invite the Dalai Lama back to China to serve as our nation’s president, our Barack Obama. Such a move would make best use of the Dalai Lama’s stature in Tibet and around the world; it could also bring into play a spirit of tolerance among Han Chinese, who have recently been converting to Buddhism in increasing numbers.

Symbolism aside, a great deal of concrete good could result from such a move. In Tibet, the Dalai Lama is a god and his word is law. If he came back to China, he could marginalize radical Tibetan separatist groups by convincing Tibetans to allow Tibet to remain part of China as an autonomous region. With his worldwide prestige, he could also do a huge amount to improve China’s international image. In addition to all of that, a peaceful resolution of the Tibet question could be a model for solving the Taiwan problem as well as problems with other Chinese minority groups, thereby averting the very real danger that ethnic strife might escalate into large-scale separatist movements.

The Dalai Lama, a sagacious man, has a vision for an autonomous, democratic Tibet in which church and state are separate. This vision is grounded ina system that has worked well for many years in the Tibetan government in exile in Dharamsala, India. He has an excellent track record for implementing experiments in democracy similar to those of Chiang Ching-kuo in Taiwan in the 1980s. Such experiments could serve as models for the political transformation of China as a whole. The dawn of true political reform in China can arrive as soon as Chinese authorities sit down at the negotiating table with the Dalai Lama.

At home in Beijing, November 5, 2008