#this is old enough to where i cant even find that post nor the person who posted it

[synthshenanigans]

this is a fair bit older but i just remembered it existed so take this while i doodle stuff of the new song

chonny gaming

taken from this post v

funni markiplre funaf

[deadtiredghost]

I cant find the original image i wanted to post cause this theory is built on that, i think i found it on pintrest but u know how in the apocalypse timeline Leo has Raph's prosthetic arm? and how everyone theories that Raph dies first?

Right well. I prefer to think otherwise! (bear with me i have a point)

TW: death, apocalypse things, mourning(?), its rottmnt apocalypse angst you know what you'vs signed up for.

My personal headcannon of how things went down is that things went to shit but not entire shit at first. there was a healthy resistence and all and the family were skilled enough together to stay together. Yokai and humans alike had to team up and all, but couldn't do much against being Kraangified.

We know its 2044 when Casey Jr gets sent back so CJ can't be older than 22 canonically; personally I think he is around 15-17, same age as Leo and Donnie. this also means that Mikey is around 39 and Leo is 40.

I think the adults died first, Splinter would not live to see his sons die.

Whether CJ was an accidental pregnancy or Casey found him and adopted him, he came into the turtles lives when they were in their mid to late twenties.

the second i think is more likely personally but if Casey was pregnant or got someone pregnant then they had to have had a fighting chance that things would get better at this point for her to bring a life into the world - at this point they looked like they might win, and the next generation was their hope

"It's you! All of you, together! I never thought I'd see you again! I'm so happy, I could hug you!" - CJ, movie.

I believe that all of them got to know CJ as a toddler, maybe even until he was in his tweens, maybe not, but reguardless, they knew him as a child enough that he loves them and considers them his uncles (and leo his father-figure).

We know Casey knew Donnie enough that Donnie probably helped on their chainsaw hockey stick, but I believe that Donnie died second. Donnie's death is incredibly distructive because of everything he can do with his tech - there are other mechanics and scientists but not to the same level as Donnie.

I think that Donnie's death marks the dwindling of the resistence, it also irreparably damages the family. Maybe Casey was around 10-12 when Donnie died, not a fighter just yet but training to be - hence the weapon and "trademarked apparel".

I also think that Donnie's death triggers Mikey to practice with his mystics to a detrimental effect to try to contact Donnie's ghost and all, becuase Mikey is seen kinda decrepit at 39 years old, and while yet the apocalypse ages you, I think the last 5-or-so years of Mikey's life took a massive toll on his body so he cant do physical shit anymore (nor his razzmatazz *sob*) because his bones r brittle as fuck in return for his excessive mystic capabilities.

The reason I think Donnie died first is because of Leo's arm, which is Raph's prosthetic.

I've read fics where Donnie makes Raph a prosthetic and he rejects it because of his ninpo, for it to be repurposed for Leo, but I very much prefer the angst that surrounds the idea that when Leo lost his arm they had no mechanic to fix him a new one, that Raph's prosthetic was taken straight off his body to give to Leo who accepts it to keep Raph with him.

(this idea came from the pintrest pic i cant find, which was a tweet i think)

ya that. i have little more to say - i just eat up the angst i guess. I love all the animations on youtube, there are so many of Raph's death and I love all of the interpretations so much.

So ya. my theory: Donnie dies around 2040-ish, Casey and Raph the year after, then April at some point. It's all a load of shit in the last 4 years of the apocalypse where it's clear they can't bouce back from this so Leo comes up with the time-travel plan.

[nicegaai]

breaking this into one shots hmmmm what would that look like hmmmm.

ok this is getting long maybe this isnt oneshots but the overall definitely not half assed timeline im piecing together of their lives mostly focused on iceland bc i know more ab icelandic history than norwegian

might recycle old ficlet of nor finding out ice exists. it doesnt gel w current headcanons anymore, so maybe not. in any case, i start by establishing their first meeting or first impressions or something like this. either in person, or via messenger. downplaying the psychic connection stuff.

nor and his collection of letters from ice and how he feels about the little guy. and some of ices life from his narration to nor in the letters. ive had this letter correspondence hc for a long time i think i could have fun w it. i wanna research rune sticks again

oh my god. wha t if i . what if i made this a part 2 of my vinsaga crossover oneshot i keep meaning to finish writing ........ anywayz nor comes to visit via bargaining w trading ships and den comes with him to meet ice for the first time. (this is denmarknorway's twin realms era) and i want to establish where and how ice lives on his own, if its on his own. all that. i have a few conflicting thoughts on his living situation. and ofc it changes over time.. but he is a lonely boy. and the two come w lots of gifts and he does his best to b hospitable. hes jealous that den knows his brother so well and sees nor more than he does. hes too loud. but hes really nice :'( denmark is like holy shit nor you have a mini me

kalmar era n5 living together cliche setting, something something iceland isnt strong enough (old enough) to be away from his home for long. long being a few years to a decade, time moves differently and all. he wants to stay but doesnt want to stay but knows he will miss everyone but isnt holding up well in mainland scandinavia. is granted permission to go home. cries about it. he plans to come back when he's well, but then the situation collapses politically while he's gone. he begins to write to norway again.

they spend a medieval midwinter holiday together. not for the first time or the last. i want this one to happen soso bad but research would b a whole thing and i havent done it so i cant even say much rn. its at denmarks house because a) he really cares about keeping their facsimile of a family together b) iceland belongs to him now post-kalmar so he'd be there either way. nor comes. sweden comes with him. finland also comes, because sweden wants him to + finland misses everyone too and its nice. theyre reconciling on a personal level / having a NICE FAMILY XMAS and we're NOT FIGHTING ABOTU POLITICS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRUCE until new years!!!!! and ice spends the whole time ignoring the elephants in the room and going omg..... nor way looks so cool .... wow .......... and nor hangin out w him to avoid drama n being like iceee u got tallerrr i missed u i wuv u!!<- beaming these thoughts into his head but otherwise being like Hello.......... important to note that iceland is still a creepy child, this is important to me. finland is sick of the thick tension between den & su and goes over to where ice and nor are coloring and is like hi guysss what r u doingg and iceland turns around dead stare and is like this is my depiction of the end of the world in fire and blood. my medium of choice today: the humble crayon. hes like idk seven or eight. and they didnt have crayons then but whatever. and nor is like he has such an artistic soul ... im in charge of drawing the parade of demons. their resemblance is uncanny in both appearance and weird aura. and finland gets to be in charge of drawing something else and they 3 have a good time together while denmark and sweden try to amicably bake cookies together. greenland is outside avoiding everyone this-house-is-a-fucking-nightmare style and faroe didnt even show up btw. and sweden only brought norway ..... and finland. not because hes in love with him or anything

laki volcanic eruption ficlet. 1700s. (this might be too dramatic of a timeskip i might be missing some things). iceland is deathbed-ill and den sends nor in his stead to check on him. no den doesnt have any power over nor, he is worried as a father but isnt able to leave his duties and he knows nor is even more worried than him. he brings many gifts courtesy of den and some from him. food, supplies .. he doesnt know how bad it is yet. i have a whole thing for this. he stays through the first winter, at least. maybe a year. i dont think he can afford to be away from his own lands for long, the eruption aftermath is bad all over. but nor DOES believe for a while that iceland might die (he wont. maybe naturally, of poisoning, but he comes back.) and stays in iceland longer than he should. just in case. this is also ice's beginning of adolescence mayb??????? he had a very slow start of 700 years as a child but either shortly before the event, or after he survives this, he gets another growth spurt.

iceland is spending a Proper Christian Christmas / winter holidays / end of the year celebration at denmarks, some years later. specifics depend on what research will turn up. uhh the french revo happened the usa exists now. more importantly, norway and iceland BOTH come to christmas this year. and ice is around the age nor was when they first met (11? 13?) and nor is now late teens early 20s. aaaand this is where icelands crush rly starts to take off. 7 bullet points in, yes. he and nor havent seen each other in a while and nor is excited to see him again finally not just in letter correspondence! and iceland is excited to see him too! but when they SEE each other ice feels Strange and way more nervous than he should be and doesnt know what to do,, and avoids him and hides in his room a lot ... and nor is like Ohhh hes at That Age ... hes a big boy now he thinks hes too cool for his old man *cracks knuckles* time to be the most annoying guy on the planet. and hits him with like the "look who finally left his cave" when ice comes out for dinner ......... their perception of the situation is so mismatched but they survive the holidays eventually. (my gut feeling is iceland asks den for advice pretty quick, and denmark just Doesn't Get It because ice is too vague with the problem. he's like aw it's been a while since youve seen each other but you're brothers and he loves you, dont be scared haha! but you know when u have a crush and its unmistakable? iceland knows whats wrong pretty quickly. and hes definitely goign to hell. hes up in his room all day on that damn rosary praying for salvation) (actually maybe norway DOES pick up on what's happening. not immediately but maybe by the end of it all. he didnt need words) (and even with words denmark doesn't get it) the way he gets all flustered is so cute, he wants to spoil him more or tease him more or something. its too bad ice'll grow out of it soon and then he really WILL be too cool for his old man :(

norway invites him to his home for hunting season-- they can shoot some big game that iceland can't get at his home.. theyve done this before over the years, these days they use guns but they didnt used to. elk jerky is a nostalgic flavor for ice ... hes Nervous about this trip though. being alone..just him and norway. with no buffer or room to hide in. once there, iceland stops calling norway his brother. hed stopped in his letters a while ago, just talking around it, but now nor can TELL tell. ice isnt sure he ever understood what "brother" meant to him, but he doesn't feel good about using it anymore. nor is hurt but doesnt really say much about it beyond asking ices reasoning. ice might go so far as to confess to him, being 14 and insane. and nor is like yeah i know its a phase dw. and ice is like oh .......... and somewhere in here they have a little nor 'indulging him in a kiss after he insisted on it /instigates it' drama and then being like thats all you get. im not doing this with you, i see you as a son. and he really thinks thats fine and normal to say and theyll both move on but it really fucks ice up. the rest of the trip, theres some teasing thats lighthearted on nors part but ice Really Cannot Take it. his letters following this get shorter. and shorter

iceland is finally in high school. his growth is coming in fits n spurts and hes passable as a high schooler now (the babyface kept working against him) which is soooo awesome. its the early 1800s. he gets a high class education at a 3~5 year boarding school for proper young men near copenhagen. only the best for denmarks favorite stepson. iceland is a booksmart kind of kid hes always been destined for academia. but unfortunately hes a shortking fish out of water that gets moderately bullied. but i think hes good with cold words to fire back so earns enough respect to not get wedgied or anything stupid. he also would go insane in a fistfight given the opportunity. but yes he isnt really there to make bougie connections w danish kids, this is about him and having this experience thats so trendy and cool right now, all the other young guys at his house aspire to do what he's doing. education is so cool and hes not very concerned about much else. he doesn't write to norway anymore. norway hasn't written to him much either. denmark reeeeally wants him to come to his home for christmas holidays and whatnot but he insists on going Home-home on his breaks. sorry denmark he doesn't enjoy family gatherings he wants to be alone ....

they see each other again. its brief, a day or so, and not something they planned ahead. an overlapping holiday with denmark or a meeting with sweden over something. iceland wasnt meant to be there but hes shadowing denmarks government work. they meet essentially as nations, surrounded by officials and bosses and humans. iceland doesn't want to talk to him. nor gets them two a moment alone and iceland drops the professionalism and goes full teen drama mode. DONT TOUCH ME .... im still in love with you ... and norway is like. wtf come on. and then buys him lunch and tries to get him to be normal. because nor is like youre my brother so i love you anyway. okay. i dont hate you. just breathe

wwi. wwii. then icelands independence. that's a lot of ground to just Not Cover but idk,,, i could just not. im more interested in learning ab the industrial revolution coming to iceland. i know a little ab how there used to be One Train in iceland and i think thats funny. i digress. iceland does a lot of growing up in a relatively short period of time. theres so much i could say. i also love the story ab danish royalty attending the very first independence celebrations, i think denmark would come. and maybe norway .. ,???????? and he'd be awful about nor beign there. idk. time period stuff

theyre both independent countries now and have to meet on business and honestly the whole awkward troubled teenager thing is so oldddd nor just doesnt careeeee. nor is convinced ices crush is a phase of several hundred years and hes half annoyed half flattered, overall misses him since ice is all uuuu tormented about it. well, nor isnt even mad ab it he just wants to be close with his baby brother again. after work he invites him out for a drink. just to talk and loosen up a bit. ice is hesitant but gets a push from his boss / aide who are like this would be good for you!! just say yes! (they dont know anything) and ice is like ugh fine but im only drinking a little bit. he is of age to drink low percentage alcohol, no shots or anything. and they have fun and talk. nor is only good at talking when hes not sober and ice knows this. they talk ab a lot of nothing at all and it heals ices soul about 4%.

they drink after work more often. they only get that chance a couple times a year, usually with other people around. iceland is getting more comfortable with this, but hes still not around so often. hes far away and values his privacy and is still newly independent. he doesn't want to be or feel back under anyone's wing. he misses denmarks typical family christmas (now hosted every other year at swedens house) for a few years claiming to be overworked, needing the rest, and disliking travel around the holidays. those years are when den and nor show up on his doorstep on new years day breaking plates and shit. and they bring him leftover christmas cookies and presents. nations dont do xmas/bday presents every year to me, because thats way too much to think about when ur immortal and years go by quickkk ... but ice always gets presents because hes the youngest and they cant help themselves

part 2 of above. consider this!!!!!!: denmark has to leave right away and hes sad ab it but nor has the time to spend an extra night. they still have extra mulled wineeeeeeee ... and various alcohols. they drink together and iceland gets a little silly with it. traumadumps about having a thing for him how fucked up it was of him to kiss nor that one time and he feels so bad he violated him like that and nor is like *non sober thoughts* i know how i can fix him. and kisses him. et cetera see original post. they make out for a while and then go to bed but like literally. maybe theyre both in the same bed but fully clothed. they pass out. next day nor has a flight to catch and ice drives him to the airport. they dont talk about it. norway presses a kiss to his forehead before he leaves , confusing ice further.

i lost about , 4 hours of my life typing this i think. im cutting myself off RIGHT NOW before i lose my whole day off

if i was brave i would hammer out my ocs for greenland and faroe and give ice some siblings to throw some contrast between how they feel about norway and how iceland feels about him.

hey wait this is 99 percent gen fic what gives. another sad sad case of what if you took the ship material out to cast a wider net of interest on your insane niche project ????????????? but unfortunately the incest is vital to the experience and this iceland interpretation. plus i wouldn t be likely to finish or start this if it was strictly platonic whalebrothers

having nor/ice thoughtssssssssssssss sad sad whiny kitty cat noises. wahhhh. im thinking about them wahhhhhhhh. WAHHH

what if i took all my small canonverse ideas and compiled them into ONESHOTSSSSS........................................ and what if they were CHRONOLOGICALLY ARRANGED ..... and showed RELATIONSHIP PROGRESSION over the course of 1000 years ...... and it wasnt that deep but i pretended it was and called it something like "i was meant to keep you warm" because i love to steal fox/i/ng lyrics. maybe even id find a way to make this a 5 times + 1 time format.

if i can wrestle my way into figuring out what goes on in nors head i could do it. ive figured that i want ice to never ever see him as a brother. my vision is that nor is iceladns hot babysitter fantasy and first crush that never goes away. he wants to marry him when he grows up but then his feelings stay that way and it never ever ever ever ever goes away and only gets worse. u understand? do u see it

and UNFORTUNATELY nor knows ic/eland likes him from the beginning. he can tell from like ice's adolescence onwards and is like yeah idk about all that...... but the attention is flattering and he loves this little guy so much and thinks its sweet. he doesnt get to visit often but ice writes him a lot because hes in love with him ykwim and nor loves him so much too (platonic) and always writes back.

and yeah they go through periods of living together for various reasons. sickness unions famines etc etc. not ever for long and nothing ever happens. if adolescent iceland pushed boundaries, nor would humor him a little with like...a kiss, bc he spoils him, but ultimately he hard-shuts it down. and ice would be traumatized forever and block the memory out / be eternally tormented at night by the time he did such and such so is the worst person alive etc

and ice begins teen life with the whole he will never love me and i am a tormented soul shtick. now he writes to him less, tries to put more distance between them... so it hurts less and all that. hes not GOOD at pretending he hates nor or whatever but its easy to lose connection when messages are rare and visits are rarer

he spends much more time at denmarks than with no.rway. he sees den.mark as a proper older brother / uncle / fatherly figure. hes closer emotionally to him and lives with him more and all that. his tutors are danish and he goes to boarding school in cop.enhagen in the 1800s. idk how this ties into the romance necessarily but its timeline relevant. whether or not denmark picks up on the crush , i dont know. i could go either way lol. also, den + nors relationship is strictly brotherly btw. ironically. because theres not enough fics where theyre platonic and i really do enjoy them that way too

nor and ice remain distant for several hundred years. its once ice gets into his pushing for independence mixed with modern technology for better communication ..... somewhere between say, the invention of the airplane and landline phones, nor and ice repair their relationship. iceland is coming into adulthood (independence) for real, and is SO mature about his international relationships. he can be so mature and normal about norway. he can sit down with him and have lunch and discuss business and norway wont talk down at him for being young at all (lie) and he'll be so chill about that and not yell at him (he only does it once) (he only has to do it once)

all this isnt to say n.orway himself didnt attempt to stay close over the years, but ic.eland wasnt reciprocating, and even if they saw each other every year at christmas (doubt) that doesnt make them really CLOSE. but i think iceland was always particularly special to him bc of how close they were as kids. and they WERE both kids back then. little icela.nd sent him letters while nor was like 14 at best. i believe in teen mom norway and his eldest sondaughter icey. at least from nors perspective. even tho hes so absent so much of the time. when he comes around he showers him in gifts as a love language even way back when

anyway, ice.land still has an obvious crush on nor and nor finds it SO cute. like he could just pinch his cheeks and coo at him for it. ice tries to keep a lid on his emotions but can only do so much. nor doesnt SAY anything to point sus behavior out. but as soon as he notices,,,, its like there was no time apart, to nor. ice is so closed off and stiff and weird around him and nor wishes he would relax so they can connect properly and he honestly CANT

the solution is to drink otgether i think. at some point. maybe not immediately but they'll get to it.

icela.nd isnt like oohg im too young to drink, i think hes just lived long enough that hes a bit Over It / doesnt want to act like an idiot / really doesnt want to act like an idiot in front of nor. but nor could peer pressure him into anything if he really tried so they finally get tipsy together and i think that goes a long way to repair their relationship.

they do this many times and as long as ice is careful to not drink a lot he'll be fine. hes gotta keep his wits about him and still be able to feel shame. one time he indulges a little hard and i think ice trauma dumps on him and they kiss to make up for the time nor pushed him away and nor didnt realize he was still hurting so much about that. nor is tipsy enough to do it (not even drunk) and afterwards he goes ohh wait i kind of enjoyed that. and do it a few more times then make out for a while and it doesnt go anywhere, they fall asleep

the next day they completely remember kissing and know the other remembers it and just mutually dont talk about it.

icelan.d is VISIBLY struggling even harder around him for at least a few days until he gets a handle on his emotions. and nor has a lot to think about. in general.

i dont know where the dna stuff comes in. im falling asleep while typeing this

but icelan.d obvioiusly is like wtf? we arent related. thats impossible. i cant even fathom this. and nor.way is like you are the closest i will ever have to family and i am your biological father and icel.and is like what the fuck ew you can say brother as much as you want but never say father again im begging you and nor is like Bet.

and then they test and they're first degree related. father or brother would be appropriate. and nor is like yeah obviously (already believed this when he kissed him) and ic.eland is like (max harlow voice) SUICIDE !! SUICIDE !!

icelan.d sits with that information for a while but his crush still doesnt go away. nor gives him space and also sits with the information. he never thought he'd end up here but he decides that hes into it. its kinda hot. I Do believe in slutty n.orway supremacy i thnk hes slept with most of europe and doesnt have a strong internal sense of familial boundaries considering he is a landmass and is like yeah id do that again we're both adults hes cute whatever

next time they see each other nor comes onto him. and ice is squeemish about it but this is also everything hes ever wanted. whats he gonna do, say no?

at this point i fell asleep but im awake again uhhhh

ic.eland gets to cope with being a creep a weirdo and getting what he wanted in the worst way possible and nor gets to torment him with the brother thing not as a kink but bcz it makes him uncomfortable and he thinks its funny.

i forgot to talk about the actual oneshot ideas that inspired this in the first place didnt i. oh well

aaaaaaaaaaaaand post

[therenlover]

Therenlover’s Official Fanfic Glossary!

Hey hey hey! This is the place where you can find all my up-to-date fanfics linked nicely, read about what projects I have upcoming, and learn what requests I’m taking at the moment! Cheers!

This post is massive so, for the sake of your dash, everything is under the cut

A NOTE ABOUT REQUESTS!

I will do my best to fulfill any requests I get while my ask box/requests are open! That being said, I cannot promise every request will get done, and that if they do, they’ll be done in a timely manner. I’m currently working on a long-form project that needs a lot of time and energy to come out consistently, so unless I’m doing a writing event most of my writing juice will be focused on that. That being said, if you want something ask! The worst I can possibly do is direct you towards someone else who might be able to write what you want if I cant.

If I choose not to do your request based on personal preference (it makes me uncomfy/I don’t write for the character at that time/I don’t feel I can write what you want/etc.) I will do my best to contact you and let you know! That being said, if you think your ask got buried/forgotten, feel free to message me again and let me know, but please tell me when you message me if I should be looking for a prior request.

Characters/Fandoms I will write for currently

 💙 = I’m Currently Super Inspired To Write For This Character

Marvel/X-Men

Bucky Barnes

Loki

Peter Maximoff 💙

Pietro Maximoff

Helmut Zemo 💙

Hank McCoy

Ralph Bohner 💙

Vision

American Horror Story

Tate Langdon

Kit Walker 💙

Kyle Spencer (Pre- and Post- Death)

Jimmy Darling 💙

James Patrick March 💙

Kai Anderson

Fallout 4

Nick Valentine

Hancock

Star Wars

Poe Dameron

Armitage Hux 💙

Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

Finn

Han Solo

Assorted/Random

Diarmuid Ua Duibhne - FGO

Cu Chulainn/Cu Alter - FGO

Warren Lipka - American Animals 💙

Enjolras - Les Miserables

Grantaire - Les Miserables

Gabriel - Supernatural

Imagines - REQUESTS CLOSED

Songs From Musicals Y/N Would Sing To The Evans

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

How The Evans (+ Quicksilver) Would React To Yoplait’s New Gushers Yogurt

Characters: Tate Langdon, Kit Walker, Kyle Spencer, Jimmy Darling, James Patrick March, Rory Monahan, Kai Anderson, Peter Maximoff

Rating: T

Would The Danny Bunch Survive A Holiday With My Family?

Characters: Laszlo Kreizler, Alex Kerner, Niki Lauda, Andrea Marowski, Ernst Schmidt, Helmut Zemo

Rating: T

Headcanons - REQUESTS CLOSED

Modern! AU Armitage Hux Boyfriend Headcanons

Zemo With A Well Dress S/O Headcanons

Zemo Getting Jealous Headcanons

Oneshots - REQUESTS CLOSED

Marvel/X-Men

Helmut Zemo

One Last Night In Madripoor

Synopsis: Baron Helmut Zemo is a lonely, wanted man looking for some fun, you’re a piss-poor bounty hunter in search of a connection before leaving your life of crime behind, and fate has brought you together at a party the likes of which has never been seen before. You only have one night left in Madripoor, so why not take a chance?

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 4200~

Still Some Catching Up To Do

Synopsis: As a member of the criminal underworld, people walk out of your life all the time. Some are killed, others kill themselves, most get caught and only a couple get out of the life unscathed, disappearing into the world never to be seen again. Very few walk back in. So when your supposedly incarcerated ex-lover, the Winter Soldier, and the Falcon waltzed through your door and made you murder your boss, needless to say, you were surprised and more than a little bit pissed.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 6800~

Nine Years Starved

Synopsis: It had been a little over nine years since Helmut Zemo lost his family, his country, and his sanity. Nine years since his last kiss. Nine years since he felt like a human man. Finally, he was ready to start over again, but first, he had to pay his penance back where it all began; Novi Grad. That’s when, by the grace of the fates, he met you.

Rating: G

Word Count: 7000~

Daddy Dearest

Synopsis: Not everyone gets lucky enough to go from being a broke college student in New York to being the sugar baby to literal royalty, but not everyone is you. Most people would be worried about messing things up or losing him to someone else, but you knew he would never find another baby just like you. Besides, you knew exactly what to do to keep him wrapped around your little finger. He may have been the daddy, but you pulled the reins.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 8000~

In Fleeting Touches & Airy Sighs

Part One   Part Two   Part Three   Part Four

Synopsis: As a wanted man, Helmut Zemo spends most of his time jumping from place to place in the hopes of avoiding a trip back to prison. Unfortunately, that means he can’t always be home in your arms. When he is, though, in the rare moments of calm, you’re reminded of just how worth it it’s been to wait, even if that wait was only shortened by the arrival of your enemies.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 35,700~

Two Bodies In The Rain

Synopsis: It was raining the day you finally had to admit your feelings to Helmut. You hated to tell him the way you did, under the grey skies as your blood pooled below you, but at least you knew, in the end, he had seen the real you, even just once. That was enough.

Rating: T

Word Count: 5600~

Rest

Synopsis: Living life on the lam with your escaped super-villain lover means things rarely slow down enough for a real rest. When the exhaustion starts to take its toll on you, though, he knows exactly what to do to ease the pain. He may not be a good man, but he’s a good husband when it counts.

Rating: T

Word Count: 3200~

American Horror Story

Jimmy Darling

Red Nights In Jupiter

Synopsis: At the end of another long day, you fall into bed with Jimmy Darling. The men you served throughout the day don’t matter then, nor do the coins in the mason jar by the door, or the women scheduled to attend Jimmy’s next Tupperware party. No, in that quiet darkness it’s just you and the man you love, bone-tired and happy to be home. Who could ask for more?

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3000~

James Patrick March

Heartsick

Synopsis: When you fall ill, James is given a forceful awakening about how he’s been neglecting your needs and what he must do to prevent harm from befalling you again.

Rating: 16+

Word Count: 3700~

In Sickness And In Health

Synopsis: Normally people don’t have their wedding and funeral on the same day, but you and James don’t quite have a normal relationship, do you? Besides, you wouldn’t wanna go any other way.

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 5500~

Fallout 4

Currently Empty

Star Wars

Currently Empty

Assorted/Random

Currently Empty

Long Form Works/Series

Young Artist!Zemo AU

Chapter One: The Boy With The Easel

Synopsis: About a month into your first semester at Novi Grad’s top university, you finally meet the strange young man that you’ve taken to calling “easel boy” in the back of a bookshop. From a distance, he always seemed cold and aloof. As you get to know him, though, you realize things aren’t always what they seem.

Rating: T

Word Count: 7000~

Till Forever Falls Apart (A Peter Maximoff/Reader Series)

Chapter One: Welcome Home

Synopsis: As if getting thrown through the multiverse, trapped in an attic (albeit a cool one), mind-controlled to manipulate his grieving sister, and subsequently dragged out of Westview “for his own safety” by the FBI wasn’t enough, Peter Maximoff has now been shipped off to New York to live with a glorified baby sitter like some tragic orphan in a comic book until they find a way to get him back home. Things are not always as they seem, though, and this change might just be for the better.

Rating: T

Word Count: 2400~

Chapter Two: The Doctor Is In

Synopsis: Peter’s first few days in his new home are mostly uneventful, so he decides it’s the perfect time to dust off his running goggles and steal some shit. The building with the massive circular stained glass window seems like a great place to start! People with buildings that lavish are usually rich and weak, so what could possibly go wrong?

Rating: T

Word Count: 2800~

Chapter Three: It’s Always Been You

Synopsis: After a month of adapting to his new universe, Peter Maximoff can confidently say that he likes his new life more than his old one. Sure, he misses home sometimes, but he’s been far too busy flirting with his new roommate to spend time crying over the things he’s lost. Everything is smooth sailing until a strange journal in his roommate’s study leaves him with more questions than he knows what to do with. Now he’s on a mission to discover who he’s really living with before she has the chance to turn against him.

Rating: T

Word Count: 8600~

Chapter Four: Before You Go

Synopsis: Peter, after days of contemplation, has realized that part of him loves Y/N no matter what she is or what she’s been through. Unfortunately, he can’t find her anywhere. When she finally returns home with the intention of leaving again, Peter realizes it’s his last chance to tell her how he really feels. Will he succeed, or will he fail to be fast enough once again?

Rating: T

Word Count: 4000~

Chapter Four And A Half: Gimme Swayze

Synopsis: Now that the issue of Y/N leaving is out of the way, and Peter has finally kissed her, he falls into the motions of learning how to love someone for the first time. It’s easier than he thought it would be.

Rating: T

Word Count; 2600~

Cakes For The Evans: A Blogging And Baking Adventure!

Kai Anderson’s Disaster Cake

Hey you! If you’ve made it this far down the list, thanks for supporting me as an author! I’ll be linking my AO3 here. I post everything there shortly before I post it here, and there are some older fics there you might enjoy along the way! It’s also easier to drop comments over there and I keep them open for non-members, so give me a shout if you liked what I wrote!

I love you all, you make me so happy, and without you support I would never be motivated to write! Cheers!

[mimibtsghost7]

Fuck you and all your little brain washed rats sending people hate because you cant take responsibility for your actions!! But go on stay silent like you always do, pretend its nothing of your business, keep being a fetishizing racist delulu like you love to be while pretending to be the best blog on tumblr!!!

NOT like anyone will see this but YOU will so LET’S GOOO!!!~~

TW: mental health and more (if you feel like this can trigger you, pls don’t read this, breathe in and out and listen to this HERE and remember I love you), loads of tea and Mimi NOT being a friendly and kind ghost. 

funny enough: 

I never pretended of said I was the best blog. But I guess the fact that you say it might be because you heard it frequently? Thanks for thinking so^^

I sent hate to no one and u r the one sending it to me rn ^^ In my whole 4 year journey on Tumblr I received a lot of love but also worse hate that you can imagine. Yes you are saying now you are receiving hate ... funny how it’s bad when It’s addressed to you but when it’s at me and my dear followers it is not. Still, I never told anyone to go hate on you. You were the idiot that tagged my old blog and as soon as my blog was gone pple searched me and found out you were the reason behind this. But as you keep hating on me. Let me tell you I am kind but don’t mistake that for me being a coward.

I am not into insulting others and I don’t care much if you insult me. BUT don’t YOU DARE touch my dear followers. Insulting ain’t hard. Let me try: The only rat here is you hiding in your hole as an anon. I went and compared your writing with this ask and previous hate asks. And it was you~ Good for you~ the sewers smell just like your filthy mouth spilling sh*t left and right. So on brand. However, I know who you are @hobisbeautifulass Hi ^^

Me racist? HAHAHAHAH you truly know NOTHING about me nor my ex-blog’s message. It was a place when you were welcomed no matter your skin color, religion, gender ... proof? well it got deleted thanks to you. but ask around this time and search for who reblogged my posts as they were always the top of the tags (even if I don’t trust how bad you are at research). I supported the BLM movement and still do and will always do but I did so veeery early without anyone telling me. Not for the notes but because of my humanity. I wished my dear followers’ happy holidays no matter their religions. And never cared about those things. Why judge someone on something based on religion or how they were born. As for the LGBTQ+ community, I was always and will always be there for love being love. I talked about mental health and opened venting nights. I helped left and right and when I was receiving hate because of people like you spitting lies about me. What did I do? Did I go online and called people bad? No. I looked back at myself and asked myself if I did anything wrong. I tried to educate myself and apologized sincerely when I had to. I read books and watched documentaries to learn how to become a better human. AND never repeated a mistake twice. You tend to forget that our cultures are different and sometimes you grow up to see some things as normal when they are not. This is not an excuse tho, so I always believed that I was lacking and if someone had something to say against me, there is a chance they are right and just in case I should reflect on myself. But for your case it was pure nonsense. ME? a stalker? how can I stalk when I have social anxiety and at that time couldn’t even leave my room? I am even afraid of taking public transportations and just the other days I was crying from joy when I took a taxi alone. they said I was in Japan stalking Jimin and Jungkook and took a pic when I was NEVER EVER was on that land. You put me on the same list as people who bought info about BTS’ flights to be on the same plane as them? I was stalked before and let me tell you it ain’t cute and fun. I am even scared of the idea of being followed. that’s why I never shared openly my age, country, or anything about me on my blog. that’s why I have no personal social media to this day and that’s why making my ex-blog was some sort of miracle in my life. 

Silent? yes I was silent when I received hate and didn’t even vent to my dear followers or pointed fingers. Why? because I thought as my day was hell I shouldn’t make anyone’s day worse. I was worried about my dear followers with mental illnesses being triggered. I tried to take my life so many times I lost count but I still came here and smiled. It was my safe place and you took it away. Yet, I should pity you? You hated on me first for no reason and you know it deep inside but right now you are trying to convince yourself that you are the angel and feel no guilt. Compared to you. I pointed fingers at no one and didn’t name you when my blog was gone. Why? because compared to you, I thought you will not be able to manage the hate and what was done .. I didn’t want you to suffer the same way I did when you are the one who made me suffer the most the past couple of days. But the kind Mimi is someone you will never remember because you dared touch the friends I love and calling them names. I don’t mind people insulting me but don’t you dare touch my people. I know myself best. My dear friends/followers know me best. I thought ... I could leave without this mess but you keep barking in my ask box and it’s annoying. I left this backup account just to talk to my friends and yet you are here to ruin things again? I should stop being kind to the ones who deserve non of it. I ignored you when I had so many followers and you went silent too because you were scared of me. But as soon as I lost my blog because of you, you went, edited and then reblogged that stalker post. How can I be a stalker? do you even know the definition of a stalker? do you even know shame? well .. I don’t think so.. you said it yourself. You are NOT ashamed (and you reblogged that so many time lol). 

Death threats? this is no competition but thanks to people like you I have been there and wish no one to be there not even you. The only difference is that you almost killed me for real. You were not the sole reason? Great job walking away from you beloved word: RESPONSIBILITY. And I didn’t get just anon hate, I got literal tagging by people like you, DMs, and people pointing guns at me. That’s why I didn’t mention you. I was worried about the one who took away what I worked for for 4 YEARS. I was more sad and concerned about the ARMY fandom here. Do you know how many rely on my updates? do you know how many people said I helped them? do you know any of that? do you think 200k people were “rats”? Do you think if I did and say wrong thing I will not be questioned by those people. I always told my dear followers: “friends, if I do or say anything wrong or share anything that hurts anyone please tell me. I am willing to learn from everyone.” But what did you know? what did you do? Well ..  guess you love notes? As the most notes you ever got and the most attention was when talking about me? 

Love how you talk about fetishing when my blog was what people call “family friendly”. I also like BTS. I love them for their music, talent, personalities and the happiness they give me. I also enjoy BTS’ bond and love their interactions. I posted content of all kinds of interactions JM X JK, JK X V, V X JIN, JIN X SG, SG X JH, JH X RM, RM X JM ... If you are calling this fetishing asian men just because I scream over BTS as a fan and love their bonb. Then aren’t you against the idea of being an ARMY? I was a clear OT7 and you were told that you weren’t right: 

 Then you answered this without even explaining the nonsense about me: 

idk .. I am trying to find sense in your nonsense so .. wait wait let me look at the definition of fetishism first. 

Fetishism /ˈfɛtɪʃɪz(ə)m/ noun: a form of sexual behavior in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, activity, part of the body, etc.

Then .. judging from your URL alone hmmm ... cute. I won’t even talk about the SMUT you write that is full of kinks and fetishism. Well I have no problem with fan fiction but the irony you spit is out of this world.

Also, I made money out of mimibtsghost? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH no lil one. I worked day and night for FREE. At some point when BT21 just came out and there were no products on AMAZON or anywhere but S.Korea, someone reached out to me to offer 20% off or something for my dear followers. When they asked what I wanted I said what about international giveaways for my dear followers. Basically, made gifs, found content, updates, analysis, edits, and so on for free. Again, w-wait .. Aren’t you the one asking for commissions? Well .. It’s not wrong. But again THE irony. 

So, I went to see that post you made about me with “PROOF” and it was just another person who was salty as I got them blocked I can’t even recall who they were but oh well. Their arguments according to YOU and many should be taken as FACTS just because they said them?  You said HERE that your first comeback was MOST:7 that came in just last year (2020) SO what the hell do YOU know about what happened years before you came when all the proof you pointed at where baseless without any backing?

Let’s see this so wise person you used to delete my blog and what I have done ^^

The gifs: There is a story to this. The first week I came to Tumblr, It was my first time on this site and the first time I share anything. I shared some content and my analysis had a lot of notes for a small creator that started just a week ago. But I made a mistake, I found a gif and posted it while crediting the gif maker. At the time I had NO idea it was wrong. I logged off and after 5 hours I log in and there was a WAR for that ONE gif. The big blog had me blocked and her friend was telling me to take it off. As soon as the person told me I did IMMEDIATELY and apologized againa and again and told them to tell the original gif maker to deblock me as I want to apologize directly and that they can block me after that. They did and I apologized but they just kept insulting me. Of course it was MY mistake and that’s why I apologized. But for them. for a mere gif (yes I say a mere gif because I made so many gifs and they were used on all platforms but I never thought it was necessary to hate that much on someone like they did to me). That blog was big and had big blog mutuals. Thanks to that, I became someone you do NOT become mutuals with but block and never reblog content from. Without any big mutuals. Without any shoutouts. Only my love for BTS, my dear followers’ support and my hard work.. My blog, became bigger and FAST (I got 10k in less than 6 months after I started) and that brought loads of jealousy and thus more rumors. Even if, I apologized and since then made my own gifs. And I made SO many gifsets that I can’t remember how many there were. What I can recall is at some point I made them daily and many times a day.

Ships Jikook? I posted content of ALL the members interactions. I was here at a time where Jikook stans and Taekook stans where always fighting. BUT I posted about both and even made so many posts to encourage loving all the members and all the interactions. I also used the tags solely used for shipping with other big tags to show that BTS’ interactions are all important and their bond is beutiful. That our fandom shouldn’t hate on a member just because they are not part of a ship we like. And wait .. even if I shipped Jikook? I got called ALL those names by someone who ship the members with readers and write sexual scenes? Like, wait ... I am truly confused. Like, write fanfic and do all you want as long as you hurt no one I guess but why am I getting hurt for doing non of it? Like according to you, the person you should be cancelling is yourself?! I am also not into cancel culture like you so hahah whatever.

Posted stalker pics: well wow the story changes each time. Next thing you will hear that I was the one holding a camera for a member in a Vlive lol. Let me teach you about this update thing I was doing. I follow accounts I trust and that’s how we get info circulating fast. I always do reasearch but sometimes mistakes are made. For example when lately people shared pictures of BTS leaving their virtual concerts and schedules. There was a watermark of a news outlet. Normally we trust those but only later we realized that those people stalked BTS. You clearly can’t know it all. But I still didn’t share many pics related to many events (I will not name those as pple can search them even now because some pple never deleted those). And all big accounts shared many pics then deleted later. This happens all the time but it happened like ONCE for me. However, I am called a stalker for that? 

When Jonghyun passed away ... I don’t even wanna recall that night as the memories just ... when that happened I posted about it and send my condolescences. that post had over 10k notes and was at the top the tag. Why did I do that? I was devastated. Yes, many were but I will talk about me rn: I was suicidal the days before that and one of the songs that I listened to when I was broken where by him. I has been in the kpop world since 2006. And learned about his group since their debut with ‘Replay’. I was never a stan but I still knew of many groups and listened to all the songs I liked. I was very sad when he was gone and ANGRY mostly. Why is this angel leaving? Why is someone like me still here? Why did I not leave instead of him? How much did he suffer? And in the midst I posted a post from twitter that stated how agencies usually put down pple with mental illiness and hide it in the industry. Yes, that was important but NOT at that time. I shouldn’t have posted that and I realized after 5 min of doing so that it was WRONG. So I deleted it FAST but it kept being reblogged and I kept getting hate and people telling me: “Go kill yourself”... the sad part is that I almost did as my answer was “true ... why am I still here?” I apologized and logged off then to this day won’t forget crying at 3 AM while walking outside next to my dad. I was outside as I couldn’t breathe anymore and the idea of seeing the walls of my room was hell. I cried and cried and the teary eyes that my father looked at me with are something I am ashamed of to this day. To add one more thing while I am spilling the beans. I hate learning about someone dying. My grandma passed away sometime before that and it was so shocking to me. and some people came and told me when I was mourning her: Go follow that bitch of grandmother of yours. And for what? At that moment I didn’t think I would live to see the next year but I went to therapy and took medecine that was hurting and made me shake all day just to turn somewhat sane. No one knew tho ... I smiled all day and cried all night.. Even on the blog I fought no one of the ones who hated me. I just blocked them but even that was an insult to them?

Again, you said no one should defend me. Yet, you were ready to fight whoever touched anyone around you. What about changing your URL to beautifulassirony

Also THE hypocrisy. If you are sorry then why are you answering an ask of someone isulting someone you want to apologize to? Just make a post wher you apologize or ignore it from the start?

One more thing but surely not the last. You said you were good with research which you are NOT. So, let me show you what an OG detective ARMY can do. But first, as I was scrolling I saw some of your “work” (let’s not even talk about those gifs) and I am just giving my point of view here: I hate how you painted Namjoon as this horny-idiotic-make-dog. Like I get it it’s a fanfic or Namjoon as a dad but ... Namjoon is such a smart man who is very respectful and ofc he is a human with needs like many but what the hell is this way of portraying a character? Also a character is not cool, amazing, and a strong woman just because they curse and belittle their partner. 

Oh well, only you kept reblogging that as it show 36 reblogs when only 33 as still there when I looked and out of those 13 reblogs are yours? (you might have reblogged it more) but again some people might have liked ... people have different taste ... so ... whatever. 

Let’s continue, shall we ^^. You said you were the victim here when I was the one getting robbed right? How can I believe someone who reblogged the post below and was proud calling themselves an abomination or how the Oxford dictionary defines it:  a thing that causes disgust or loathing. For once you weren’t wrong.

What can you expect from someone who has the “I am not like others” kinda mentality while stating relatable things that everyone goes through?

This is getting pretty long. So to sum this up. You are now telling others that hate is NOt ok and that they should be ashamed of themselves when you yourself is not ashamed of hating on me?

I am not the type that sends anon hate. I might ignore some barking but the past days you came and bite me hard. I face the ones I have to face without fear. I know I am not the bad guy here and I don’t care much what you think about me. Even BTS got haters. This says a lot. BUT do NOT dare talk badely of my dear friends/followers. You said you do research well? Start by deleting the post below that was originally by ME from your blog ... oh how meticulous you are. From your baseless receipts to your twisted logic. Indeed people on the internet can say anything and it will be FACTS. You painted me as the devil and painted yourself as this researcher? What’s next you receiving a Phd in ‘pity me’ after your MBA in lies and irony? Whatever~ 

Whaaatever~ Karma will have upcoming talks with you. No need for you to apologize. I never cared about you and you only got attention using me. But I am not here anymore how will you get that blog running now? Are you gonna add me in a fanfic next? No need for you to send me my appearance fee when you do so~ And no need for you to apologize to me just apologize to you conscience if you have any left.  As for me @hobisbeautifulass​ you are just someone I will forget soon anyway~~ 

And because according to what you said HERE when you described the things you hate about people and I thought that was VERY close to how you treated me. Thus, you might really not stand yourself rn.

Do.Not.Worry. BTS are starting the Love Myself campaign again and just in time for you to jump in (you are good at jumping to conclusions about me so I won’t worry about you). I know you don’t like me or my friends but be sure to love yourself at least ^^ 

You are a Hobi stan? Then learn from Hobi to share some sunshine not bring the storm. Have a good day~

[haematicmagic]

Raw, powerful and cursed quotes

So as someone who recently migrated from a Pinterest lurker of 3 years, reading every tumblr screenshot i could find, i have gathered quite a selection of cursed or raw quotes from the most classic tumblr posts and whatever the hell Gaud is doing. Some of these aren’t tumblr, but classic literature or musical quotes or poems. As i didn’t write them down, i cant give sources for every single one, but i can give them on request if you’re interested. Feel free to add more.

• „I‘ll do what I want“

„Then perish“

OR

„then become the dirt I walk on“

• „violence for violence is the rule of beasts“

• „to become god is the loneliest achievement of them all“

• „There are places we have never seen before: Soem have never seen the Ocean, have never laid eyes on marrakesh. The other world is just a place we haven’t visisted before and we’re gonna explore it together“

• “Auge um Auge und die Welt wird blind”

(German, translated to mean: An eye for an eye and the world goes blind)

• „You kneel before my throne, unaware that it was made of lies“

• “You’re rearranging deck chairs on the titanic my friend”

• “Bold of you to assume I (will meet a mortal end, have ambitions)”

• „I beg to differ“

„Then beg"

• „One day, you will be face to face with your gods and you will have to justify the space you’ve filled

• „the skin of the earth is littered with the ruins of empires that thought themselves immortal“

• „my Ancestors are smiling down on me. Can you say the same?“

• „Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.“

• „god should have made girls lethal when he made monsters of men“

• „Decay exsists as a distant form of life“

• „Can you feel your heart burning? Can you feel the struggle within? The fear within me is beyond anything that your soul can comprehend. You cannot cure me in any way that matters.“

• „Draw a monster. Why is it a Monster?“

• „A year ago you didn’t know today“

• „She is a mystic in the sense that she is still mystified by things“

• „these hands have built bridges, they will not build walls“

• „the anger in your heart warms you now but will leave you cold in your grave“

• „The Man who sleeps with a machete is a fool every night but one“

• „Thats a funny trick to play on a god“

• „We can do any sins we want. There are no gods here to observe them“

• „we deserve a soft epilogue“

• „Starved dogs eat their masters.“

• „I am a monument to all your sins.“

• „Face your mortality, choose your requiem.“

• „I do not love the sword for its sharpness or the arrow for its swiftness nor the warrior for his glory. I can only love that which they defend“

• „Kill me and live with the memory. Then tell the stars you have won“

• „Do you think God, too, stays in heaven in fear of what he has created?“

• „Good men need no rules. Today is not the day to find out why I have so many“

• „Nothing is set in stone, but everything is set in a dirt road. If you roll your waggon along that path too much, it‘ll soon be the only path you can take without struggling“

•„You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you.“

„You seem a decent fellow. I hate to be killed by you.“

•„We are men of actions. Lies do not become us.“

•„The watch is ticking and I‘m no clockmaker“

•„Only when Lions have Historians will Hunters cease to be heroes“

•„If you consider a woman less pure after you touched her, you should take a look at your hands“

•„the fire can’t touch me, for I have have burned one too many times. And the sea can’t harm me, for I have been drowning all my life. But you, you could rip my heart open, darling, for I have never known love before.“

• „take no shit, do no harm“

• “Be a nuisance where it counts, Do your part to inform and stimulate the public to join your action. Be depressed, discouraged, and disappointed at failure and the disheartening effects of ignorance, greed, corruption, and bad politics—but never give up.”

• „Before you tell a tale of revenge, dig two graves

• „First we shape our tools, then our tools shape us.“

• „The future is what you make of it. Just know that your supplies are limited.“

• „bury me shallow, I‘ll be back"

• „This is Hell territory and I am impudent to no gods“

• „Sticks and Stones may build a throne but you‘ll be up there all alone“

• „I am deliberately taking this personally“

• „You’re still dodging my questions“

„you’re just missing“

• „Rome wasnt build in one day.

But it was burned one“

or

„But they layed bricks every hour“

• „You’re not as simple as they wanted you to be.“

• „Get off the ground, kid, spit your blood. Go down a savage, go down fighting.“

• „Educated Criminals work within the law“

• „Everyone is guilty of the good they did not to“

• „Even the ground wouldnt want you to rot in it“

• „War is old men talking and young men dying.“

• „I‘ll take care of you.

It‘s rotten work.

Not to me. Not if its you.“

• „What are you, before a human ready to fight“

• „Walls have ears

Doors have eyes

Trees have voices

beasts tell lies

Beware the rain

Beware the snow

Beware the man

you think you know“

• „This is who we are: A product of war.“

• „once a man, now deemed a fool“

• „What was that?

Probably God, looking down on his children and regretting that there even was a sixth day.“

• „We all just kill time until the killing time“

• „people will never bleed enough to meet your vision of justice“

• „There are three things all wise men fear: The sea in storm, a moonless night and the anger of a gentle man.“

• „Let me die first or I will die twice“

• „Looks like you dropped something.

What?

Your standards. Hi, I‘m XY“

• „In whatever matter it comes to be, love is never wrong, especially not between one that has so much of it to give and one so desperately in need of it.“

• „Heavy is the Crown and light as a feather the banner of rebellion"

• „I am not a vessel for your good intentions“

• „Every breath i take without your permission raises my self esteem“

• „Your boos mean nothing, I‘ve seen what makes you cheer“

• „In a rich man’s house there is no place to spit but his face.“

• „You could sooner divert a river from its course than deny my nature.“

• “I would rather die standing than live kneeling”

• “Life is all about pain and by god I will be it’s conduit.”

• “Ring the bells you still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There is a crack in everything

That is how the light gets in”

• “Here’s a penny for your thoughts and a quarter to not tell me them.”

• “Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame”

• “To greed, all nature is insufficient”

• “We are rarely proud when we are alone”

• “I will love you like misfortune loves orphans, as fire loves innocence and as justice loves to sit and watch as everything goes wrong”

• “You say I killed you - haunt me, then.”

• “But who are you, to consider yourself an enemy of humanity? Who are you, to define yourself as something else but them?”

[pendragyn]

Setting Things To Rights

(inspired by @flashfictionfridayofficial​ ‘s #53 prompt “Come Back”. Went well over the limit lol but thank you for the inspiration after a very long dry spell.)

“Setting Things To Rights” by Pendragyn

2666 words,  posted June 22, 2020 on AO3

Good Omens (TV & Book); Adam Young, Deirdre Young, Agnes Nutter, Dog;

The night after the almost apocalypse, Adam Young gets a visit from the ghost of Agnes Nutter, and she helps him sort out a few worrisome loose ends left over from the world not ending.

“Come back. Please.”

Adam stared down at his best friends in the whole universe, sure his heart was breaking as they turned and ran away. He knew then he’d messed up bad, maybe beyond fixing. He tried to call them back, to beg even, but no sound would come and he closed his eyes against the sting of tears. Come back! Please! he wanted to say, pressing his hands to his tear-dampened face. I’m sorry!

You don’t need them. You can have new friends. Better friends. All you have to do is show us the way.

A low growl and a familiar waft of doggy breath as a wet tongue lapped at his cheek had Adam opening his eyes, and he hugged Dog tightly in relief. “Oh Dog! I’m so glad you’re here,” he whispered hoarsely, smiling when Dog licked him again. “I am sorry, you know that, don’t you?”

Dog whined and licked him again in answer.

“Thanks boy.” Adam let out a much heavier sigh and rubbed at his eyes when tears threatened again. The dream had been so real, too real, more memory than dream, and frightening in ways he didn’t want to think about. It hurt, knowing he’d hurt his friends so bad they’d stopped being his friends. And even though they’d forgiven him in the end, would they ever really trust him again? Especially when he could still do what he’d done? Would he trust someone who had done that to him?

In the silence there were two faint but distinct knocks that Adam heard clear as a bell. Dog’s ears perked up and Adam blinked and they both looked around the room for a source of the noise. There wasn’t much light but it was more than enough to show that nothing was out of place.

Still, Adam found himself saying, “Who’s there?”

A faint glimmering form stepped through the door. It was an old woman, dressed in really old clothes. “I’ve awaited a long while for this meeting, Adam Young.” She bowed at him a faint smile on her lips. “I be Agnes Nutter, witch. And ghost.”

Adam stared at her with wide eyes. Dog was staring just as intently but seemed disinclined to bark or growl, which put Adam at ease. “You’re a ghost witch? A real one? Not… not something I made up?”

“Real as rain. Anathema be my many times over great granddaughter. I wrote the book she told ye about.”

They watched one another for a moment before Adam asked, “Why are you here?”

“Same reason I’ve done most things in me life and afterlife; to ensure the world isn’t destroyed by the whims of beings who care naught for it.” Agnes glided to the bed and sat. “That’s why I’ve come to ye, young Adam. The story be not ended yet, and ye still have time to set things to rights.” She folded her hands in her lap and said bluntly, “I wrote that book to ensure all would be where they needed to be, to stop the world ending, young Adam, because I saw what would become of ye and the world otherwise.”

Adam shivered and Dog whined, pressing close to offer him comfort. “There were… whispers,” he admitted, his arm curled around Dog to give himself comfort. “Telling me to do things, bad things.” He thought of the nightmare that had just awoken him. “I think they’re still here.”

“Aye. They will never leave ye be, not as long as ye remain a vessel for the devil’s power.”

Adam rubbed at his damp face with a corner of his blanket and frowned at her. “What do you mean? I did like the angels said and it worked. It changed things, didn’t it?”

“Aye, true enough, ye are no longer bound to the one who bid himself thy ‘father’. But ye still have the power given to ye, to change the whole world. It rests in ye, waiting to be called on, wanting to be called on, and as long as it be there, ye are naught but a plump juicy apple, ripe for the picking. Ye must use the power afore our foes regroup enough to try to bend ye to their will.” She waited a beat while he just gaped at her and asked, “What wish thee, young Adam?”

“I… I don’t know. I’m just a kid! I don’t want to be picked on, and I don’t want to be in charge of changing the world!”

“Aye, ‘tis most unfair to put the weight of the world upon the shoulders of just one person,” said Agnes, looking down sadly at her partially transparent hands. “I often wished that there had been another way, but try as I might I could find no way to spare Anathema. I can do naught now but do my best to make it up to her.” She sighed and looked back up at him. “But ye, young Adam, ye don’t have to bear this burden alone. Ye can ask for help.”

“I can?” he said, thinking of Anathema and all the things she wanted to make better, but some inner voice pulled him up short before he could do something rash, for probably the first time in his life. “But how will I know if they’re telling me the right things? That they’re telling me the truth?”

“‘Tis a hard question to answer. There be many who would use such power for greedy or hateful reasons, those be easy to weed out. But the ones who mean well, but be wrongheaded, well… Anathema believes much of what she told ye, so to her, it was the truth.”

“Oh.” He rubbed at his head, his mind feeling a little too full with all the things he was having to think about, though it wasn’t nearly as bad as how it had felt at the airbase. He never again wanted to feel that… awake was the only word he could think of to describe the feeling. He’d be able to see and feel and sense so much and he shuddered and put the memory out of his thoughts. “So how will I know who to trust?”

“That answer will have to come from within ye. Who do ye trust now? Some people unthinkingly break trust all the time, do they not? Do wrong though they know it be wrong. Leave messes for others to make right. Ye know that well enough, Adam Young,” Agnes said pointedly.

Adam sank lower and lower as she spoke. “But nobody gets hurt… usually.” She just gave a disbelieving hum. He couldn’t help but think of how he’d treated Pepper and Brian and Wensley and Dog. How willing he’d been to leave his friends and family behind while under the influence of the voices.

But his friends had done the right things even when he hadn’t. He knew without a shadow of a doubt he could trust them no matter what. “Does… does it need to be just one person?” he asked.

“It can be as many or as few as ye wish,” Agnes answered. “So long as they be willing, of course. Ye must ask, not demand.”

He considered her words, and who else he trusted to do the right thing, petting Dog as he did so. A thought struck him and he asked, “Can I give the power to someone else? Will the voices start bothering them? Will it make them into a target?”

“If ye give them enough to be seen as a threat or a prize, yes,” she warned. “Especially if they can not fend for themselves against those who would seek to do them harm.”

Adam flopped back onto his pillow with a grunt. “Ugh! Why’s it got to be so complicated? Why can’t I just keep the magic and have fun and stuff?”

“Fun?” she echoed in an eldritch sepulchral tone that seemed to come from the bottom of a well. “Fun, was it, knowing all the people in your town and the world would soon be dead? And making slaves of your friends, fun was that?” Adam shot up, a denial on his lips, but the knowing look in her glowing eyes had him flinching away. “This power was bestowed upon ye to rend the world in twain, to bring it asunder, to destroy all hope and joy. Is that, as ye call it, ‘fun’?”

“No! I don’t want that!”

“No?” The eldritch glow and tone vanished. “Pleased be to hear it. But sorry does naught for that which was broken beyond repair nor does it console the families of those missing and dead.”

“Dead?!” Adam’s stomach clenched at the word. “But—” I didn’t mean to, seemed beyond inadequate. And it was a lie, because he had meant to at the time, under the influence of the voices.

“Aye, as dead as I be. Did ye think those eaten by the kraken were not real people? With lives and hopes and families to feed? And those pulled into your fantasies of Atlantis, and aliens, and listeners in tunnels? How art they to return home, if they even can?”

“B-but Anathema was the one who gave me those magazines—” He knew it was the wrong thing to say even as he said it and Agnes just canted her head and stared at him, a little bit of the eldritch glow returning to her eyes. “I-I knew some of them probably weren’t really real. Pepper an’ Wensley an’ Brian said as much but… I wanted them to be.”

“So ye wished them into being.” He nodded. “There were worse things ye could have wished for. That they wanted ye to wish for.”

He shuddered and nodded again, thinking of the visions he’d had when it was at its worst. “Yeah. Oh, is that, that’s why— you wanted to give me other things to wish for. Better things.”

She gave him a proud smile. “Clever boy. Aye. If ye had truly gone down that path, ye would have used up all the power in the wishing. Instead ye have a chance to put things right.” She held open her hand when Dog crept close enough to sniff at her and scritched behind his ear when he crept a little closer yet. “Ye spoke of angels, telling ye what to do. What did they say?”

The memories of what had happened in that odd bit of time where still vividly sharp in Adam’s mind. He could almost smell the thunderstorm and bonfire scent of the sand again, and hear the susurrous of their feathers as they’d flexed their wings. “They said it was good I was human, and a kid. And that reality would do what I wanted it to. And that they’d help me, no matter what.”

“They wanted to kill ye,” she said matter-of-factly and Adam gave her a sharp look which she answered with another small smile. “But ye trusted them anyway. Why?”

Unlike the odd time in the desert, all the things leading up to that and after were already becoming a little hazy and dreamlike. Somehow he’d been able to see the two people inside the one body, and had certainly heard them yelling about killing him. But had also seen the fear and grief beneath the surface, and far more than they’d probably wanted anyone to see. “They… they were just trying to save the world. From me and everything else. Even though they knew it would probably… get them in a lot of trouble.” He didn’t want to say what he really meant; that it would get them killed.

“It has,” she murmured. “They shall be tried and executed in the morning.”

“What? No!” Adam protested. “That’s not fair! They were trying to save the world! They were doing the right thing and they shouldn’t die because of it!”

“They disobeyed, broke the oaths they made to Heaven and Hell—”

“No!” Adam wiped furiously at the tears running down his face. “No, I don’t care, they’re angels, and angels can’t die. It’s Heaven and Hell who should be in trouble, not them!” He sniffled hard as a glimmer of an idea formed in his mind. He stared hard at Agnes. “They said reality would do what I wanted, and it did. You said I have a chance to fix things.”

She nodded solemnly. “Aye, I did.”

“So do I how fix it? How do I fix everything that got messed up because of me?” He put his arm around Dog when he whimpered anxiously. “Help me, please?”

Agnes gave him a broad beaming smile. “I thought ye’d never ask.”

∞

“Wait! Don’t go!”

Warm soft arms and the comforting scent of his mother curled around Adam and he felt her brush the hair from his face and press a kiss to his forehead. “Shh, Adam, shh, I haven’t gone anywhere. It was just a bad dream.”

“Mum?” Adam mumbled, opening his eyes. It was a surprise to see his room bathed in sunlight and his mum smiling down on him. Last he remembered was Agnes saying she had to go and that she was proud of him. Was it just a dream? Had it all been a dream? he wondered, relieved to think he hadn’t hurt his friends but disappointed that magic wasn’t real.

“Morning, sleepy head,” she smiled.

He smiled back and shifted, happy to feel Dog curled up beside him, but the happiness vanished when he remembered that Dog wasn’t supposed to be inside. “Uh… naughty Dog, how’d you get in—“

“That will be enough of that, mister,” Deirdre said, running her hand over Adam’s hair again, trying to not let out the smile his antics almost always inspired. “I know full well you’ve been sneaking him in here since that first night. His hair was all over everything and I could see his tail wagging from under the bed, but I didn’t want to spoil your fun.”

The little thrill he’d been nurturing, at getting away with something illicit, fizzled with the realization that he hadn’t actually gotten away with anything. “Oh.”

She frowned and shook her head. “Your father and I considered taking Dog away after the worry you caused us yesterday. What in the world made you go to the airbase?”

Not a dream, he realized, the disappointed relief morphing into a tumble of confused emotions he couldn’t sort out. “I dunno.”

She let out a sigh, as though she’d expected that answer. “Alright. Well, it’s time for you to get up. You’ve got a long day of tidying ahead of you.” She chuckled and leaned over to gave him a hug when he sighed. “Terrible I know, but you need to think about the consequences of your actions Adam. You could’ve been hurt, or gotten Wensley or the others hurt.”

“Sorry.” He’d sighed out of habit at the reminder of his punishment but snaked his arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. “I love you.”

Deirdre smiled. “I love you too, but that won’t get you out of being grounded, mister. Now up you get, breakfast’s almost ready.” She playfully tweaked his nose and scritched Dog behind his ear just where he liked it before leaving him to get dressed.

Adam flopped back onto his pillow and started petting Dog as he stared up at the ceiling, his thoughts whirling around. Magic’s really real! And so are witches and wizards and ghosts and, and maybe aliens? Agnes didn’t actually say. And demons and angels… He rolled over and looked out at the garden. I hope what I did was enough to fix things. I feel different anyway.

He was going to get to be just a kid, at least for a little while according to Agnes. Then he and Pepper and Brian and Wensley were going to get to learn magic with their new friends! And he was perfectly happy with that.

[skylar-lei1634]

So I have had alot of people ask why I, not only really like Vanitas, but will defend him. Not just online but also in real life. When I explain, alot of people usually understand and think just like me about him when they get the whole story. In order for people to see where I'm coming from I'm writing this so that others can see where alot of Vanitas fans or "Vanitas's Protections Squad" are coming from when they talk about him and wanted him to have a redeemed arc. Now I still stand by my original post about "respecting Vanitas since he decided to stay in the dark because it makes him seen as a decisive "bad guy". But at the same token, I wished he still had been redeemed and given happiness from all the bullshit that was thrown at him and he was forced to go through. And yes he did go through a lot of shit so shut the fuck up about him being a 2D bad guy. I am not saying that Vanitas was a good guy... nor was he a bad guy. What he did was wrong and he shouldn't get a free pass just like in real life someone who fucked up should also be held accountable for the shit they did. But in the same breath he should be allowed to be redeemed. He should have the same opportunity just like Riku did. Now the reason why I love this guy? He reminds me of myself before I got to see that I need to save myself and that I am worth being saved. And I didnt see that until 2 or 3 years ago. Backstory of the bare minimal: my dad wasn’t the best "father" figure. I was used multiple times by him and his 2wife for the years I lived with him. From the age 8 to the age of 13 I was bombarded with the words of "You can be better just like your sister and step brother". "If you cant do [thing] then you're useless to your future husband". "You're lying. Your siblings said that it happened this way". "If you pushed yourself like I did then you wouldnt be making 79s." "[Step brother] is watching the kids so you do the chores." "Well why isnt [sister] helping?" "DONT TALK BACK TO ME! GO TO YOUR ROOM!" "You dont know how to do your own laundry (even though I never showed you how?)? GO TO YOUR ROOM!" "DID YOU LIE TO ME!? GO TO YOUR ROOM." "You started a fight with [what ever kids name]? Go to your room!" "But he touched me in a place that mom said no one was allowed!" "No boy is thinking about that at the age of 12! Now write me 750 sentences saying 'I will not talk back'." And I know this isn't alot of things to you see as abuse. You'll probably say "This is the parental responsibility thing. This isn’t abuse! This is nothing to the other stuff that real abused people deal with". And you're right. My abuse isn’t anything compared to the horror stories being told and shown. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t abused. I wasn’t allowed to leave my room. I never got to play outside during that entire time. And when I was bored and reading, drawling, exercising, then my dad would come in, back hand me until I bleed, threw anything I owned against the wall, and took away anything that you could call "personal". And when there was nothing left? He took my door. He took the only communication to my mother. By the time I was 12 I was suicidal. I had given up on finding myself. I was an empty shell. Until my father decided to kick me out without warning that day and I had to take everything I own (my clothes and shoes) and take them. After my mom had rang the bell and I asked why she was here. Now imagine, if you made it here this far, you have just been born into a unknown world in the most brutal and painful way. You feel broken and off. Weak and seeping with the dark as you try to stay sane enough against the shadows whispering in your head. You see your body, broken but still alive and you feel rage. Rage because this wouldn’t have happened if you were stronger. If you were faster you wouldn’t be broken into two parts. And so you tell your "Master" to take your body/lighter half away or you would kill them. And ruining the plan that your Master made on the fly. So you're left alone. In a desolate world surrounded by dead keyblade weilders. Some of which you know are old friends because you still hold the memories. Why? Because you have the "heart", the mind of your original person. You are an 11-year-old that's truly just a babe left alone to your own devices. You remember how to live but realize that your practically immortal. Which you would think be awesome but no. It's not. But the thing is: you aren’t just sitting there and contemplating life. You are suffering. Your emotions run wild and you try to fight the pain that courses through you. Everytime you push the anger, fear, pain, emptiness, and every negative emotion you have constantly, away you make these things called "Unverse". The pain and negativity fades to nothing but, as the fog clears from your mind,  you see these and another emotion welds up in you. Embarrassment. So you take your keyblade, get off the ground, and attack them. Why? Because now everyone can see your emotions. They scatter in fear as you destroy them and when they disappear? The negativity comes back. 10xs stronger than when you pushed them away. And then you feel angry. Angry that you cant control this. Angry that these are your weakness. Angry that your Master still hasn’t come back from doing whatever he is doing with Ventus as you fight and fight and fight. You keep fighting. You do it in the blazing sun. In the blistering heat. In the choking dust. You fight until you fall. You fight until you are just twitching. You fight until you pass out. You wake up and see them again. But everytime you destroy one it comes right back. Over and over and over again. For years you continuously fight. Not stopping until you cant anymore only to wake up and do it all over again. And when I mean by years I don’t mean "It’ll feel like years". No I mean for the first 3 years of your entire pathetic existence all you do is fight, pass out, fight some more. After a while your Master shows up! But all he does is stares. He watches you; all for his plan. He sends Heartless. He sends random attacks. All during which you fighting your own emotions. Falling down in pain every time until you finally start to get use to the suffering. And then, after those goddamn three years, your Master comes again. Only this time, he comes with salvation. Your own personal Tourniquet. "If you want to be whole again and stop the pain, you must forge the X-Blade with you lighter half. Only then will the suffering end". After 3 years, you finally have a purpose. You finally can be useful. And all you have to do is find your lighter self, fight him enough and then become one. Because if you are in so much pain. Then he should be too. So you follow the directions that your Master tells you until you come to a world with a castle. And its peaceful. It has no Unverse. There's grass and flowers and life. Not one shadow of a Heartless. Darkness does not exist here. It's not welcome. It's a stark contrast from the world that you lived in. It makes you angry, viscous, violent, and, over all, betrayed. Here you are hurting day in and day out. Suffering for living. For being an abomination just like your other half. But yet, he isn't feeling even an ounce of your suffering. That's when you realize that it's not fair.

That while you were being shunned. Your "better" half was being praised. While you fought, he was getting fancy dinners. While you bled, he got hugs and kisses. While you were told "don’t stop fighting", he was told "take it easy Ven". While you were being called an abomination, he was being praised as an angel. All because hes the light even though you two were the same thing. And what makes it worse? Is the fact that he doesn't know who you are. So then you look at the choices laid out before you and only really see one. Because who could ever love a monster like you? You plan. You scheme. You send Unverse upon Unverse at Ventus to get him stronger. You taunt him and the ones around him. You let the anger flow and become essential to existing.

When the final fight is here your ready. The pain will stop. You can be whole again. But everything fails. You fall apart in the dark. Lost in the dark. Reaching out from the dark. Watching in pain, betrayal, hurt, need as your other half fades away into light. You feel useless as the last thing you see is the content smile on the blonde"s lips. And you finally come back after years again. Ready to take your vengeance one the one who hurt you the most: Ventus. Only to find out hes trapped safely inside a wimpy boy, barely older than you. Even after "death" he still lives comfortably. You realize in the end: hes doesn’t understand. He never will. And so you chose the dark. Because that's who you are. That's all you ever will be. The light cant understand the dark.

[iheartseo]

MASSIVE DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ALL BASED ON MY OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES AND WHAT I FOUND HELPFUL !!! KTHNXS ✨

hello honey! I just finished my first year at my new uni doing my new degree and I am honestly so happy about the results I am currently getting compared to what I was getting last year. so I decided to write this little post in order to help those who are going into their first year of university/college or those who just wanna change their mindset.

just a very quick story time: last year was my first REAL year at a university and being fresh outta high school, I was extremely excited about studying the subjects I wanted to study and ready to make new friends etc. etc. However, I realised right after semester 1, that I was in way over my head and it most definitely did NOT help that my dumbass was in a horrible mindset and was not mentally mature for university and the social life of university. Due to this, as well as my quick declining interest and motivation to study, I pretty much bombed out and failed my entire first year of university. And when I said I failed my first year, I’m talking I completely failed and I knew I had failed by semester 2 and so I decided not to do my semester 2 final exams cause what’s the point?

that mindset honestly, was one of the worst I have ever been and my anxiety honestly has never been so high and I would not relive those moments ever again. so here are 10 tips and some advice on how to survive your first year of university/college and hopefully you guys will have a better 1st year experience than I did. ♡

TIP #1: GROW OUT OF YOUR HIGH SCHOOL MENTALITY (it will be an ongoing journey even past your first year of uni tbh)

not gonna lie, the second you tell someone that you are 18 years old and that you are in university, everyone suddenly expects you to be an adult and have your shit together and to have suddenly matured out of your high school mentality and that your break between your high school graduation and your first few months at university, you are expected to have mentally matured by like 20 years or some shit. yes, it is strongly advised that you get out of your high school mentality and yes it is strongly advised that you have to grow the fuck up once you get into university.

however, you should not force yourself to grow up. university will most definitely throw things your way that will completely change and shape the person you will just eventually grow to be. 

TIP #2: ACTUALLY GO AND ATTEND YOUR UNIS/COLLEGES OPEN DAYS OR INFORMATION DAYS. JUST VISIT YOUR DAMN SCHOOLS.

my ACTUAL first year of uni, I was accepted into one of Australia’s top universities on a scholarship for a double degree course. So you can imagine the amount of pressure and hard work that was needed to be put in for me to even stay at this school. When I got accepted, it wasn’t like I didn’t know that it was going to be hard. But I personally never expected for it to be as hard as it was on me both academically and socially.

At first, I liked my course, but I am personally one of those people who thrive off of whatever environment that I am put into so if I am placed into a uni where the environment is highly toxic and almost everyone is a harsh competing rival, I won’t put in the effort. But if I am in an environment that is much more relaxed and opened, but is still willing to push me to work harder, I will actually try. But some people are able to work in incredibly harsh and competitive environments and are able to handle snobby people, I personally couldn’t at my first university which is why I transferred to the uni I am currently attending.

ABSOLUTELY NO HATE OR SHADE TO MY FIRST UNIVERSITY. IT IS TRULY A GREAT UNI. My sister went to my first uni and she absolutely loved it, but everyone has a different uni experience and sadly, I didn’t enjoy it. So I most definitely recommend researching about the schools you are thinking about attending and it would really benefit you if you personally went to visit the school yourself. If you can see yourself being happy there, if you can see yourself enjoying the environment, if you can genuinely say you like the school, go to that school. Because there is honestly no point on attending a university just for the name and the title and you don’t even like going the damn library that is on campus. 

TIP #3: TRY AND STUDY SOMETHING YOU ACTUALLY LIKE

this tip is very hard and I honestly shouldn’t be saying it? But like hear me out. My belief is that if you are studying something you genuinely enjoy, you will actually study for it. Or at least that mentality definitely applies to me. I was studying a Bachelor of Science and a Bachelor of Arts together last year. My majors were Psychology and Economics. AS MUCH AS I LOVED PSYCH, STUDYING ECONOMICS WAS A BITCH.

I personally fucken hated studying Economics and with that, I also had to study Maths as a subject under my science degree, which I also personally hated. No matter how much I tried and listened in my lectures, I could honestly never get the material and it was so disheartening to me that I couldn’t understand. Granted, I was dumb and didn’t check my classes (which I will discuss in my next tip), and I knew that university classes were going to be 100 times harder than the shit I got in high school, but that didn’t escape the fact that it was so disheartening that I wasn’t able to understand the material.

That lead me to slowly and simply not caring about what it was that I was studying and learning. I didn’t care anymore about my degree. I was so unhappy with what I was studying that I would spend more time going out and partying than actually trying to get even a Pass. Nothing wrong with having fun, but I prioritized partying over studying, which is not good.

Now I am doing an Education degree and I am so much happier! I genuinely like studying what I am studying. I even actively listen to my lectures online and take notes as if I was physically attending the lecture myself (and most students don’t even bother listening to online lectures). I even stay back after all of my classes are done to catch up with anything I have missed or get ahead of my classes. I seriously like what I am studying. Sure, I lose motivation from time to time, but I am studying way more now than I did a year ago.

BUT REMEMBER. IT IS OKAY NOT TO KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO STUDY. THERE ARE KIDS IN THEIR 4TH YEAR WHO STILL DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT TO STUDY. Finding something that genuinely makes you happy and makes you want to work hard for it is hard to find, but it is so worth it once you do. So be smart with what you pick and choose.

TIP #4: CHECK UP AND RESEARCH ABOUT YOUR CLASSES

If you are lucky enough to pick and choose your individual classes, please for the love of god, research about them! look up your classes! read your damn unit guide! do not pick a class cause it sounds cool and fuck yourself over by not reading the prerequisites or not reading the amount of assignments related to that class.

I was dumb and did not read up on my classes nor did I research about them fully my first year. I honestly just read their mini blurb and went off my merry way which fucked me over so bad because I did not personally understand the actual contents of each one of my classes. 

literally find your class unit guide or class information online, look into what assignments have been done in the past, what kind of weightings they each have and read the stuff that you are suppose to learn even if you just get a simple Pass in the class. the more you look into a class, the better understanding you will get of what that class actually provides.

also, majority of the time, you can see what textbooks are needed so you can grab them off before the semester even properly starts. 

just as a little side tip

TIP #4.5: If you can literally pick and choose what your time table looks like, DO NOT FUCKEN GIVE YOURSELF 3-4 HOUR BREAKS BETWEEN YOUR CLASSES. You are lying to yourself when you say that you are going to be studying in those long ass breaks, like shut up. no. don’t do that to yourself.

TIP #5: DO NOT BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS (if possible)

for the love of god, DO. NOT. BUY. YOUR. “MANDATORY”. TEXTBOOKS. it is a waste of money. you are blowing $200 minimum for a damn paper weight. I am not even kidding. I never have purchased a textbook and I never will unless that textbook is nowhere else to be found.

Be smart about your textbooks. If you are able to find a copy of your textbook in the library, BORROW THAT SHIT IMMEDIATELY. my university lets us borrow copies of books for like 16 weeks at a time and my semesters last for at least 13, so it is enough to class me throughout all of class. your universities should have multiple copies of whatever textbook that you need for class. even if the library copy is a few editions older, it does not matter, the content is still the same. It is not worth forking out $200-$500 for a couple of extra pages.

If you can’t borrow a copy from the library, try and find it online. There are some generous people out there who have uploaded a free full copy of the book somewhere. If you can’t find it online, borrow a friends copy and photocopy that shit like crazy. You might end up paying like $50 worth of paper but 50 is better than 200.

AND IF YOU SERIOUSLY CANT DO THAT, go onto slugbooks.com to get your textbooks. I personally haven’t used that website myself, but I hear it’s pretty fucken good to get textbooks.

TIP #6: JOIN A CLUB/SOCIETY/FRAT/SORORITY ETC.

for your first year of uni/college, just join something. there is deadset something for everyone. you do not need to join greek life if you personally do not want to. i didn’t join greek life cause australia doesn’t really have that kind of shit.

if you like debating, there is a debating club. if you like drama, 10000% there is a drama club. if you are a strong LGBTQ+ ally or are apart of that group and you wanna meet queer people, 1000000000000% there is a club for that. i’m not even kidding you, at my first university there was a damn memes society and a quidditch society. you will most definitely find something that will interest you.

if you aren’t a big fan of clubs, that is fine. i just would personally recommend joining one so you can make friends more easily and it’s sort of like a little bit away from your studies. it’s something fun for you to enjoy and you get to meet some incredible people along the way. I am apart of VSA (Vietnamese Student Association) and I have done SOOO many things all the way to modelling, charity events, partying and planning out major events etc. all whilst meeting some new people and creating friendships.

TIP #7: LEARN WHAT TO PRIORITISE

I feel like this should be a no brainer but it is important. It is okay to have fun whilst you are at uni but it is not good nor is it smart to throw away a perfectly good education that you are paying hundreds and thousands of dollars for.

if you have a party on Saturday and an essay due on Sunday, do not go to the party. I know that there is some people who pull all nighters to finish off an assignment or to study for an exam, I am extremely guilty of that. However, that does not mean I will sacrifice one extra day of studying for a party.

this is where you have to be an adult and understand how you, yourself study the best and how you retain information the best and if you need an extra couple of days, skip out on some parties and reschedule those lunch dates and dinner dates. your friends will understand and will not judge you for wanting to studying. if your friends do judge you for wanting an education, then you should drop them.

TIP #8: LEARN TO REFERENCE

I cannot stress how important referencing is in university. That shit is an absolute fucken bitch and it does not help that there are like 5 different styles or some shit. But it is important that you learn how to reference correctly because you will lose marks for not doing it correctly and some professors/tutors are just straight assholes and will deduct like 10 marks cause you aren’t using the correct referencing style for the class.

in my experience, for first year anyway, they will teach you how to reference in your tutorials so you get the general gist of what to do and how to do it. I learnt how to reference in APA format in high school, so I am fine, but I know not alot of people learn it that early and first hear about referencing once they get to uni. so learning to reference is a big thing. a lot of my tutors recommended me installing EndNote which does the referencing for you. I personally just let Word do it for me. If you go into your Word and find ‘Document Elements’ (for Mac),  click on ‘Manage’ in the References section and a citations list will pop up. Click on the plus sign in the bottom left hand corner and just literally fill out the form and you are done.

OR IF YOU ARE A WINDOWS USER, just go to the ‘References’ tab and click ‘Insert Citation’ and then click ‘Add New Source’ then fill out the form. Then you are literally done. You basically have corrected did in-text citations within your essay along to whatever format is needed. *The only shitty thing about this method is that it will only automatically do in-text citations, not footnoting. Footnoting you will have to insert manually yourself*

After you finished with all of your citations, just click on ‘Bibliography’ and put in in as ‘Works Cited’ and literally your ENTIRE reference list will be organised into alphabetical order for you.

TIP #9: GET A CALENDAR OR DIARY

whether that shit is digital or physical, start using one. it is honestly so helpful to know when you have got assignments and exams coming up and you can kinda start planning out when is a good time to start researching or studying etc. etc.

it seems like such a small thing, but it works so well. I personally just use the iPhone calendars app and make sure it reminds me at least like a week or 2 ahead of the actual due date so I know that it’s coming up.

i also highly recommend that once you read your unit guide/class information sheet, that you write down ALL of your assignments, when they are due and how much do they weigh into your calendar/diary. because then you have no excuse to say that you never knew about it and yet you wrote it down. it also just helps you to be productive and work around/add in other dates like outings with friends into your schedule. 

TIP #10: IT IS OKAY TO FAIL

I feel like there is such an extremely high expectation to pass every single one of your class with amazing grades and graduate with like a 4.0 GPA, like for some reason that is the standard that is expected out of every uni/college student, even those attending a really shitty uni is somehow expected to be blitzing through every single one your your classes, but the truth is, you will probably fail a class and that’s okay.

trust me when i say, it is okay to fail a class. i’m not saying that you SHOULD fail a class, but if you do, it’s not the end of the world. even though I failed so many classes last year, my first university was still willing to keep me enrolled and even offered some help. staying in university/college is sort of like baseball, very simple; 3 strikes and you’re out, but even then, they will still offer you services to help you study better or if you are struggling at home or you have your own mental issues that affect your studies, there are services at university/college that will help you and it’s for free.

i cannot stress how important it is to let your university/college know that if you suffer from any sort of mental illness, have a rough background, do not have the resources to study etc. etc., that you should let them know because they can help you.

that is all of the tips and advice that i can think off at the moment. i hope this helped at least one person. if i can think of anything else/more, i’ll be sure to update this post and add it on. or if i am brave enough, maybe just do a full blown youtube video? we will see on that. BUT UNTIL THEN. I HOPE THIS HELPS AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR FIRST YEAR AT UNI OR THE REST OF YOUR YEAR AT UNI IN GENERAL !! 

[gammija]

The Hollow review/summary/rant/explanation of why i hate the ending I wasn’t sure whether I should post this, but I did enjoy reading others experiences watching this show, so here’s mine under the cut. Edited from a convo with a friend.

(Obviously, spoilers!)

Me: Okay so to properly express my disappointment i gotta take you through the major beats

The show starts with three teens waking up in an almost empty room, finding out they all have amnesia. They quickly solve a puzzle to escape the room, and just as quickly Adam and Mira realize they have superpowers (superstrength/agility and some weird 'speak to animals/know all languages' hybrid, respectively. also she can breathe underwater and swim really fast. its kind of vague)

Kai is already clearly a comic relief, discount Ron (from HP, the movies, no idea about the books) so me and sister correctly predict he'll get jealous of adam and miras relationship (even if there is none), gets pissy and jealous that he has no powers, but then finds out he has powers anyway he does, hes a fire bender. cant say im not bitter about that cause id put my money on invulnerability but eh its alright he has red hair after all hes still fun

Friend: Of course he is

I just feel bad is all aldjs

Me: adam gets a throwaway line of 'maybe were dead' and kai never lets it go

this food might be poisoned but im starving and hey were dead anyway! right, adam

Friend: I love him??

Me: i loved him as soon as he spoke his first dumb words also he puns but basically hes the only interesting char; adam and mira are just cookie cutter 'male lead 1' and 'female lead 1' i mean, he’s cookie cutter ‘jealous 3rd wheel’ but that has more going on than the first two still servicable though

anyway so the jokes are sometimes fun, and superpowers are always my jam. but the REAL reason to keep watching is just, whats going on? ARE they dead? or in some kind of weird gvnmt experiment? some weird magical vampire guide (dont ask) hints they wanted this themselves ooh, intrigue. and the world is very very quirky they start in a gravity falls-y woods and then get teleported to a desert with minotaurs and witches, then get invited for tea by the Grim Reaper and the rest of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse

tbh Grim is the best part of the show but thats neither here nor there

anyway they have a magic map that updates once theyve been somewhere, and it shows them that the hot dry desert and the swampy wood bunker are like right next to each other

so you start thinking, how are they gonna explain that? this is too weird to be handwaved away. theyve gotta be going somewhere

they visit some other exotic locals, like what appears to be the set of Alien (complete with alien) and an abandoned old fair and a floating island with japanese inspired evildoers on it

the weird magic guide keeps showing up and being vague, dropping hints that there are other kids there etc

at some point Mira says "This is no time for games!" Weirdy: "Thats where youd be wrong~" me and sister: Aha! videogame! that connects all the dots, and also makes the tropes clear: small world with all kinds of different areas, quests, fights, superpowers, an updating map, fast travel Adam, a few eps later: guis i think we might be in a videogame me and sister: [high five]

Anyway in the meantime also the second predictable Kai (discount Ron) plot happens: they meet three other kids (boy boy girl) and they act shady but the girl takes an immediate and obvious interest in Kai so obviously theyre gonna manipulate him and have him betray his friends but in the end he'll see through their facade and kick their ass that more or less happens. The other teens also confirm that this is a game, and theyre trying to win. winning is done by bringing the MacGuffin to a tree fights over macguffin ensue situations are dire but our characters persevere

(also Mira kisses Adam and he acts very weird about it, almost as if hes gay and the only reason they didnt make it canon is censors) (no lingering gaze, just him going 'hehe yeah no thanks, its not you, its me', but in a very... he doesnt seem to be saying it with shall we say burning desire in his soul. hes literally just like 'eh youre a good friend.' Cool move, cartoon that made the two main boys have arguments over nothing cause of course the two main guys have constant dick measuring matches)

this all is not the offensive part btw it was all fun and games, its just a flash cartoon i wasnt expecting Shakespeare

anyway so theyre in a videogame, and apparently thats the answer to all the weirdness. A bit of a cop-out, cause thats a very easy answer, but eh, it works. it wasnt immediately obvious.

also something i hadnt mentioned yet: thisd be ideal for making (self-insert) OCs. Unique powers for each person, there are clearly more characters than shown, the world is your playground

and maybe the video game thing could be interesting on its own in the last few eps the game seems to be glitching out a lot they say its breaking apart so they really gotta hurry now maybe they were beta testers for a vr game gone wrong maybe this is part of it but its like a huge experience that you tell all your friends about anyway there are ways it could be cool, could be expanded to a season 2 despite having solved the mystery

but. last episode. our heroes get the MacGuffin, go to a final stage, and fight the Boss Battle (its a dragon). they enter the Castle....

...and the screen zooms out, into a sudden live action stage, where we see the cartoon (literally what you were just watching) on screen. there are 6 chairs, 3 with our heroes, 3 with the other teens, presumably. theres a host and hes dressed exactly like the weird guy (and that was already kind of a clashy outfit in the cartoon). it was all just a game show. but. the worst part is the live action

you. dont. go. from. animated. to. live. action.

other way around? fine, can work. But now? WHY itd still be dumb and dissapointing but if itd been animated too itd at least have been.... nice to look at but the acting.. oh god they didnt even say anything and it was all wrong clearly theyd just picked the first random teens that vaguely looked like the chars and put them in there cause they had no lines so who needs acting?!

the enemy teams girl had, in the cartoon, pink hair. Purple with pink highlights instead of stylizing that into something more realistic or painting the actual hair, they gave some 30-year old woman a wig and called it a day

keep in mind i binged this show in one go

purposely stayed up late to watch the last ep with my sis even tho we shouldve gone to bed and were disobeying our dad cause we Had to Know

and theres more i said they had no lines but i was lying. Kai did have a line. well, his voice actor did they dubbed him also the line was about him having to pee which is already not the most hilarious in animated version but a live action kid whose supposed to be this character you spent 3 hours with but looks nothing like him saying that in a voice that doesnt belong to his throat, as he stands bashfully in front of a live audience, the only words spoken by your main characters in the last moments...

*its actual hell*

oh oh one more thing at the end the six kids stand in a line and kai is next to other girl they glance at each other and as the eyes of this teen and 30 year old in wig cross, her eye glitches for a moment

dun dun duuun

bUT i dont care anymore, The Hollow. You overestimated your own premise. this wont be forgiven. your most interesting part was the mystery, and the answer  to that was "just a normal game show" (which also doesnt make sense on another level smh) soo if you think that im interested in what these two-dimensional (ha) characters will do now about the glitch in the eye of a bitch then i have news for u

i dont

...if they get a second season ill probably check it out though as long as its animated

Friend: Gammi I'm getting the real sinking suspicious feeling that what you saw isn't the real end but bad on purpose because there's more to it

Me: the show didnt seem good enough to be bad on purpose

and yet im still not done, if youll still hear me out

i mean, im an animation fan so ill still watch but if theyd wanted to be bad on purpose they really shouldve done a better job fleshing out the characters thats what people come back for that was a bit of a sidetrack BUT so i said why the live action itself was just terrible in overal quality

but the resolution that 'oh it was all in a game show' doesnt work on multiple levels

first of all, they show a short flashback of "About 5 hours earlier". The kids stand on the stage and are instructed to take their seats in the vr-chairs, and pick their superpower

2 things i dislike about that

1) there goes all the self-insert/oc potential. they werent teens in over their heads, they werent gvnmt experiments, or just some kids who wanted to play a game -they were in it to win it, from the start. thats very specific and not the most appealing to all kinds of characters (goodbye, all the 'im just an average girl whod never step into the spotlight like that' characters).

Also, all the expansion on lore is gone. maybe there were other games simultaneously? eh, maybe, but theyd be all gameshows. Maybe someone ended uo trapped there for way longer? nah its just a gameshow theyre not gonna let anything actually bad happen. Maybe there are other worlds, other areas, other weird creatures? unlikely, they finished the map and familiarity seemed to be a thing for the audience. Now every new idea has to be put not through a 'whats interesting for a player' but a 'whats interesting for a viewer' lens, and whats a selfinsert if not a player in another universe

2) HOW IS THIS A SUCCESSFUL GAME SHOW

who the hell watches a game show for 5 consecutive hours, some of which mustve been just them walking. also, we zoom out of the screen were watching, so implication is that everything up until then has been what the audience has seen. but... we only followed the one team. there were two? why didnt the audience want to see what they were up to? ~reality tv usually thrives on showinf the worst assholes so realistically they wouldve been the focus~

There are also way too many times *both* teams couldve failed, from early on till late in the game. Not a single game i can think of thats played for an audience is set up like that, and especially not a televised one (okay tbf idk if this was televised, i dont remember if i saw cameras, but. it mustve. monetary reasons.)

What r u gonna do if they all 'died' from the monsters in the first ep? Call it a day? boring for the audience. let them restart from scratch? boring for the audience. the existence of an audience messes with everything

AND THEN ANOTHER THING what do you mean, "5 hours ago?" you never get a time stamp to show how long theyve been in there but there are some cuts, when they travel and such. The actual show is a lil over 3 hours runtime. You mean to tell me you sat through 2 hours of the characters just walking?

okay last thing. so. they were clearly second season teasing with the glitching eye thing. i already said this but. theres nowhere to go from here that isnt worse that the first season. your mystery is dead. you clearly know your live action teens cant act so youd have to go back into the game - but why would they do that? how would that be in any way interesting? you explored all there was to explore.

The other, more out there option, is that as you said the 'real world' was a fake-out and theyre still in a game. but. how would- how would you even make that remotely convincing? if youd just left the 'real world' gameshow as animated too this wouldnt have been a problem. but there is absolutely no conceivable reason to justify, in universe, why another meta-level up is 2D animation again unless they were in a game, in a game, in a game. and thats just dumb. yall aint inception

Friend: HONESTLY if they just kept the whole deal animated it'd probably be okay. Not good, but better,

Me: ye me and my sister came to the same conclusion

i couldve lived with that. at least, i couldve just acknowledged the finales existence but chose to ignore it. now however im full phantom planet levels of denial. in fact i dont even know how the show ended anymore, suddenly

Friend: what finale? what show?

Me: also at least now we know why its called The Hollow

it leaves you feeling empty inside

[dwightkschrute]

In 2014 and 2015 I did a my year in review kind of thing where I, of course, reviewed it and accompanied it with a picture from that month. I somehow forgot to post 2016 (until now) and forgot to do it at all for 2017 but unfortunately, I am back with a really disappointing year. I was debating not putting myself through the legit pain of “reviewing” this year but I think of how I love going through my 2009-2010 posts and seeing how much I’ve grown so this is for you, successful and cooler future me.

2016 and 2017 were amazing but 2018 was my most promising year. My boyfriend and I were going to move in, I was going to start my dream job; everything was perfect. It definitely started out as one of the best years of my life! Then exactly halfway through the year everything changed and I was left having to pick up the pieces and completely restart, making it one of the worst years of my life.

I started January in Mexico, which was the best, but my family and I got home early in the month. I had quit my job the month before so I dedicated the entirety of this month to job hunting. Our friend (my bf’s bff who became mine and my brother’s bff early on)’s dad got a boat so it was like we got a boat too because despite the cold, we lived on it. (My boyfriend couldn’t go on the trip with us, which he was super bummed about (and that we had to spend like 10 days apart which was killer then), so he was the one to pick us up at the airport and he greeted me with a bouquet of flowers. Out of the many gifts/gestures he gave me, that was one of my favorites.)

February I started my amazing new job so life was back to 40 hour work weeks and not having much time for much else. I was always attached to the hip to my bf so almost every day after work entailed going out with him or having dinner with my family or his. That was my month. My favorite part of every February is Valentine’s Day and this one was as amazing as the rest. I don’t even have enough space (of the allotted space I give myself for each entry at least!) to describe that day. (My bf at our Valentine’s Day dinner. We finished our long day at this restaurant (so, so cool, once popular with Old Hollywood stars) on Hollywood Blvd and it was dreamy and romantic and amazing.) Oh man, I don’t have a lot of interesting things to say about March. Oh, my parents got Influenza (A/B/idk tbh), so it was two weeks of my brother, bf, and I taking care of them. My dad has a serious chronic disease so it was especially dangerous for him so it was a stressful time. Once we weren’t in hazmat suits anymore (no but really, we were gloved and double masked around them and kept them quarantined), I’d be at work or with my bf. I also started to get close with a co-worker, who I quickly became close friends with! (My bf’s two huskies. I’ve just loved that picture since I took it! I’ve never been loved by a dog more than the one in the back of this pic. Not even by my own! He has a special place in my heart.)

April was barbecues at my house or my bf’s, trying every brewery and bar around, hikes, bike rides, beach visits, baseball games, boat rides, late night cooking and baking. It was lots and lots of love and happiness and I would give absolutely anything to go back to those days. (My brother and bf grilling on Easter. This was a familiar scene, I have so many pictures of this exact scenario, yet looking at it just now made me so emotional! Stop! They’re just grilling!) May was so exciting! Very first day I got a new car! I was so happy! It was long overdue because my finicky, expensive Volkswagen had to go and I’d fallen in love with the new Honda Civic (I’ll admit I have basic taste but I don’t care!) so I finally bit the bullet and did it. This month my bf and I, after a long time of “oh wouldn’t it be nice!”, bit the bullet as well and decided to finally get serious about finding a place together. So the apartment search started, but we soon realized our home, Orange County, was super expensive. My bf, in that “ha ha jk but I’m down if you are” way, suggested we pick up and move to Oregon and I immediately agreed. It just felt right and despite us being the most careful and non-spontaneous people ever, we decided to do it! So we began to research, look for apartments but most importantly, jobs. (My car the day I took it home!)

Uhhhhhh, well, June hurts to think about! We went to visit Portland, where we decided we’d want to live because that’s where the jobs were, on a quick trip since it was strictly “business.” Portland was everything I imagined and more. We loved it and I think we loved playing house in our airbnb more than anything about the city. Back in LAX we came to the easy conclusion that though we lived Portland, that’d require a lot and for our first time moving out we’d like to stay close to home and above anything else, we just wanted to live together as soon as possible. We immediately started to look for places in LA, we spent the month apartment hunting, and towards the end of it, decided on one we really liked, one he begged me to please say yes to so we can move in already. I was so, so, so happy this month but what made me happier was seeing my bf, I swear, even happier than me. I seriously felt unstoppable and was beyond excited for our future. (I had a lot of Portland pictures to choose from but my bf and I liked this one because it reminded us of Always Sunny for some reason.)

In July, everything changed. To start, I left my job. I thought, new chapter in my life, new job coming, I’ll live really far, I should leave now. So I did. My last day was an emotional day because I loved my job so much and every single person I worked with. That very same day, my bf and I broke up. For unrelated reasons to my last day, to our moving in, to our relationship, etc. We had an amazing, amazing relationship but he has a lot of demons and issues/insecurities he has to deal with and conquer, and though I was aware and was there for him and would continue to be by his side no matter what, he decided that this was a battle he had to handle by himself and I figure before he got into a more committed situation. It didn’t have to happen, though. I hadn’t talked about the specifics of the breakup on my blog so  sorry for changing the mood of the post, but yeah, July happened and it felt like my world stopped. Really regret quitting my job now, huh? I was hit by two huge losses and changes right at the same time.  (I took this on my friend’s boat 20 tequila shots in, drunk and sad as fuck. Not to get fake deep but how sad. Literally on a boat, beautiful sunset, would rather die.)

August was a blur and I’m still not convinced I didn’t just dream it. God, alright, here we go, the rest of the year is a mess so get ready. I fell into a deep depression fast. It also didn’t help that my dad had to start getting radiation/infusions for his illness shortly after the breakup. I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed. I started dating someone else and then I dated another guy shortly after. I wanted to replace and/or forget and I really thought that’d be the solution. I was miserable when I was with them. I took absolutely any opportunity to get really drunk or high, and the opportunity came often so I spent most of my days desperately trying to not feel anything. The only time I’d feel okay was when I was extremely high and I couldn’t even think. Since I had a lot of savings for my out of state move, I had a lot of money to blow, which I did. I realized I even liked the feeling of the temporary “high” of spending a lot and receiving the stuff. I’d hang out with any friend who offered (out of boredom? loneliness?) and even ended up on a mess of a Vegas trip. Worst month ever. Maybe. (Here’s a positive! I like that bathing suit and my tiddie looks so round!)

When September came I realized two months had passed and all I had done was be a huge depressed mess. I no joke forgot about work. I just straight up forgot. I started to look for a new job, which hurt me so bad because I had to face the fact that it wouldn’t be my Cool LA Dream Job anymore. I stopped dating. Most importantly, I completely stopped drinking and smoking because it’d almost always make me sadder but also it scared me that I had no self control nor did I care. I saw a whole lot of my close friends and they, along with my immediate family, kept me afloat this month because time felt like it was going so fast. I couldn’t believe that at a blink of an eye it was night again and then a new day. Time had no mercy for me, please let me hold on. (Me at a baseball game. Tbh I’m looking at this thinking, did this really happen?)

October started out nice because my best friend of years, who I unfortunately had a falling out with three years ago, reached out to me. I’ll always give her all of the credit for doing that. I can’t begin to explain what this meant to me. It was a nice, bright shine of light that managed to shine through the dark clouds. Having my best friend is exactly what I needed. I’m a big believer in the universe acting in mysterious ways and though I had grown disappointed in its little surprise for me lately, this was the kind I always appreciate. I spent a good part of that month with her, catching up and doing things just like we did back then. It was like nothing had changed. That’s all I remember about this month, and a super fun Halloween! That day was probably one of the best days in months. (My best friend Rylee and me the first time seeing each other in 3 years. We’ve had our blogs for 8-9 years so please follow her for quality content)

November was rough. I was frustrated because surely things should had been better by then. I was still feeling so low, I was going to job interviews to no avail, I “relapsed” and had a high/drunk off my ass on a boat messy moment.. To make matters worse, I accidentally drove up on a cement divider in a parking lot and my airbags deploy, which is so expensive to fix, so my car was out of commission for a month. Then I got so sick and I rarely ever get a small cold. I seriously felt like I was cursed, even the smallest thing felt like an insult towards me. The one good thing is that since July I had been forcing myself to go to the gym five times a week. My mom said exercising was the only thing that’d help her feel that sweet release of seretonin, endorphins, dopamine, and all that good stuff when she was depressed so, though I enjoyed going to the gym before, I did it just for that reason alone. It worked and as another result I got like pretty fucking fit. Revenge body, you’re one of the few good things in my life right now. (I literally had no idea what to choose so I said fine, here’s a pic of the scene of the crime. Whatever.)

In December I turned 26. Which I hate, naturally. I went to a million more job interviews. I’m seriously so embarrassed to admit that but whatever, it’s the truth. (I have a degree, experience, and an awesome cover letter..I’ll keep blaming the curse!) What kept me sane was that we had different family members visiting from the very beginning of the month. Playing with an energetic, adorable baby kept me distracted and happy. Having so much company around also distracted me (slightly, but it helped!) from the fact that the holidays and my birthday would be quite different now. I’m one of those annoying Christmas lovers, usually at least. This year everything just happened and I didn’t care. But I survived December! (I don’t care. This is the appropriate representation of 2018 and how I feel at the end of it.)

Jesus if you’ve read all of this.. I’m sorry you had to read about the mess of my year but really more like the mess that is ME. Yknow those like “people my age I went to HS with vs me” memes? I seriously went from being that bitch with a good paying job, brand new car, a serious, great relationship with a promising future together (Like. We would color coordinate outfits! LMAO. We would have dinners with both of our families together. We were obsessed with each other. You’d roll your eyes if you saw any of this. I can’t get over how perfect we were, it’s hilarious what happened to us.) and then at the blink of an eye I went to not having absolutely any of that, casually dating (something I’d NEVER done) anyone who resembled my ex and sadly and drunkenly puking off the side of a pier. Who is she? I don’t know, I got whiplash. (Queen of parentheses and side notes, I know. But another thing about me is... I’ve never been affected by people leaving my life. I’m used to it. I’ve never been anywhere as affected as I was when my ex and I broke up. This isn’t normal for me, my ENTJ/Capricorn ass doesn’t know what this feeling is.)

Please curse that has been put on me, release me. Whoever is attacking my voodoo doll, calm down! Please! I’ve gone through enough sadness and loss. If 2019 is even slightly as bad, I’m going to be like that pigeon I reblogged the other day that’s like “fuck this I’m just going to sit here.” I can’t even make a cute but corny, hopeful “hope 2019 is great!” comment. I’m literally begging you...pleading you... I don’t believe in karma but after all of this shit, I better have something much better in stock for me. “Good things are coming!” I fucking hope so. Like, I’ll be even more annoying right now and say that it’s not fair that I didn’t get to have the future I was about to have. I don’t care about any cliche you may have for me. One door closes, everything happens for a reason, God has a plan, etc. No. Why did all of this have to happen? What can be better than the future I was going to have? I felt so unlucky. It all feels like a nightmare and I’m just waiting to feel whole again. Oh shit I got really intense. I know I’ll get over it and life will be good again eventually but for now, I am still so mad. I would have never in a million years guessed this is how my 2018 would go. 

So fine, I’ve accepted things now, so now I’m impatient and say please prove me wrong, 2019. I’m THREATENING you to be amazing!

[strangewerewolf]

I posted 2 331 times in 2021

26 posts created (1%)

2305 posts reblogged (99%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 88.7 posts.

I added 88 tags in 2021

#em speaks - 26 posts

#save - 15 posts

#find later - 14 posts

#em's simp posts - 12 posts

#yearning - 5 posts

#me - 4 posts

#witchcraft - 3 posts

#gender - 3 posts

#good for them - 3 posts

#i love it - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 123 characters

#i have 2! emerson and a shortened version of my deadname that i can pass off as a nickname. i still get deadnamed a lot tho

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

hey uh i have a gf now!! i like her a lot. we went and got bubble tea and talked about witchcraft, larp, gender and a bunch of cool stuff then i asked her out n we kissed,,,,,

6 notes • Posted 2021-04-25 01:14:13 GMT

#4

ideal date: eating lunch together in the park while listening to music and then vandalizing statues of shitty people

6 notes • Posted 2021-05-07 01:49:47 GMT

#3

i used to be a “truscum” and i’m ashamed of it

yes, i’ve reblogged LOTS of questionable things in the past. i used to be a transmed (and lowkey t*rfy) and i deeply apologize for it. the stuff i reblogged back then might still be on my blog but i’ll try to go through and delete all of it. I’m not a “truscum” anymore, i learned how to deal with that hatred when i went to therapy about a year ago in the summer of 2020. that idea of “every trans person has to be completely cis-passing” is really harmful to everyone, and i realized it the hard way. i don’t think in-fighting is the way to solve the issues the trans community faces. i’m neither a tucute nor a truscum, i think this type of discourse is pointless and we have to unite to fight transphobia. I’m not on tumblr as much as i was in the past few years, but i still think it’s important to put it out there. from now on i’m just gonna use this blog for whatever i like and spreading the word about important things but no more dysphoria discourse.  - Lots of love, Dorian/Emerson

7 notes • Posted 2021-10-06 13:45:28 GMT

#2

WHERE DO YOU GUYS EVEN FIND ALL THE S4 EPISODES I CANT FIND THEM

12 notes • Posted 2021-05-05 01:22:34 GMT

#1

it is 1am and i’m starved for t4t percabeth content so here we go

ok so

Annabeth is a trans girl and Percy is a trans guy 

Percy knew he felt like a guy from a pretty young age (as in before he went to camp) 

The way the colour blue is associated with boys gives him euphoria and is part of why he likes it a lot. Plus, the whole thing of blue food being special goes with him being different bc of his gender and that colour is even on the trans flag!!

Sally picked out his name

When he told her how he felt, she immediately tried learning as much as she could to help him 

He could unfortunately not be put on blockers until he got to camp but he did start dressing more masculine, chop off his hair and got a binder as soon as he felt like he needed one. 

He was stealth at his boarding school (the one at the beginning of TLT, i can’t remember what it’s called) and Grover is one of the first people he told. 

He also told Mr Brunner/Chiron 

As for Annabeth, she figured it out during her first few years at camp. Since CHB is a pretty accepting place, she got time as a younger kid to dress how she wanted and explore her gender. Dionysus and Chiron helped her with it and since Mr D is basically the god of trans/gnc people in a way, he gave her some sort of godly/magic hormone blockers and gave some to Percy too 

the Aphrodite cabin helped her with makeup when she was old enough to use it.

Thalia picked her name, since she’s kind of an older sister figure to her.

Artemis, since she’s the protector of all women, changed Annabeth’s body and helped with her dysphoria. Unfortunately she couldn’t do anything for Percy.

Percy came out to her on their second quest, and then she came out to him. They were both surprised but glad to know that most people at CHB were accepting (Percy had never tested the waters there because he was stealth).

they’re both bi as fuck and go to pride together in matching tie-dye shirts.

i have so much more but i need to sleep holy shit

88 notes • Posted 2021-04-17 05:24:22 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[diaryofsecrecy]

It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea.  Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER.  They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years,  And on drugs.  She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out.  We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world,  Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

[lady-deadlight]

personally, what do you think about kyman.? like, i really surpirse that most people out there prefer kyman over kydi, they were like kyle dont deserve Heidi but in the same time they say Kyle deserve cartman. i just dont understand them tbh

Ok so you’re not the first to ask me about Kyman but I figured, its about time I answer this question :P Prepare yourselves, its a long one! ha!

I’ve been active in fandoms in general four about 6 years, of course I wasn’t too into replying or making gifsets back then (I just learned to make gifs…then gifs with text! yay me!). But I did make a few posts on here (for other tv shows) but nothing too major. Now that I’m older (yes 25 is old af…) I can express myself without having to worry about negativity coming from antis or crack ships, but mostly that I can back up my claims and my reasons for why I like what I like and why i DISLIKE what I dislike.

Kyman has been around for YEARS just like Style and Creek (actually everyone ships the boys with the boys…) so its not hard to believe there is more support for Kyman than Kydi. That being said, I do not like Kyman, and in general, I don’t like Cartman with anyone. Not even for fun or a crack ship because of who he really is, which isn’t a good person. I just can’t ship him with someone else in the show that I really care about. Cartman is the definition of a narcissistic, racist sociopath. And to put him in a relationship with anyone is toxic and unthinkable honestly. He is self-absorbed little shit who doesn’t care about anyone else on a deep level (which is what you need in a true relationship…even friendship), you need to be able to express sympathy & empathy), how can a person like Cartman be in a healthy relationship if he cant express those traits?This isn’t like a villain who can get a redemption arc and find love and change for the better, forever. Cartman does not want to change, he sees nothing wrong with how he treats people, with what he believes in and what he stands for. Even as a crack ship (trust me, I have a lot of crack ships for fun), I UNDERSTAND the appeal, I get why people believe its canon or will be, but for me its not. Cartman would have to be a completely different person for me to want to ship him with someone. Trey & Matt are smart fellas, they created cartman, they know him and even if we enjoy him in the show with his friends getting into weird shenanigans, it doesn’t mean they dont know what they’ve created, it doesn’t mean WE the fans, ignore what cartman has done or is capable of doing. There’s a reason why he was able to get a girlfriend and why he no longer has one now. The first glimpse even before Heiman should be his relationship with his mom and a deeper look into it was in season 10 the episode “Tsst”  where Ms Cartman has to hire a nanny to discipline Eric. At the end he manipulates his mother AGAIN to satisfy his needs and to obey him. So if he does this with his mom, you know hes going to do that to whomever he dates, and I WILL not stand for that. Did not stand for it during Heiman wouldn’t stand for it in Kyman, or Buttman or w/e else is creeping around…

The reason I like south park so much is because despite all these boys & girls being 10 year olds, Matt & Trey make them appealing to adults because in some ways they inhabit a certain intelligence and morality that WE understand. Sure they’re still little kids and their naivety is STILL there when it counts and its still very funny & charming to say the least. But the fact remains that Trey & Matt put our boys in relationships not only to have some humorous moments but also REAL moments that speak to us whether its a healthy or toxic relationship (platonic, familial & romantic alike). That’s what makes south park a success.

Closing this out, my final words are that in my honest opinion I don’t believe Kyman is canon nor that there is a hidden meaning behind it. Trey & Matt have made that pretty clear the past 21 seasons. Cartman & Kyle are rivals in the most violent/unhealthy (albeit funny) ways. This isn’t some Naruto & Sasuke or Goku & Vegeta relationships where they want to be better than their counterparts because they feel like they have something to prove…those examples are intense rivalries but eventually they build strong foundations in a deep rooted friendships. Meanwhile, Kyman are rivals because Kyle & Cartman stand for different things in many subjects, the hard hitting ones mostly and its not endearing, its exhausting and more often than not, we side with Kyle because Kyle embodies good while Cartman encompasses evil. And Kyle doesn’t deserve that, he needs someone who will go the distance just like he would for them. His concern for Heidi is one of the reasons I root for Kydi (or why I adore his friendship with Stan). Not just for the cuteness but because while everyone pushed her away, he tried to pull her in BEFORE he found out about his feelings. And he almost got to her too. Heidi turning into cartman was the worst arc (tho she had her funny moments NGL…) and her being awful to Kyle was terrible, but I also knew that wasn’t really Heidi at her core, this wasn’t her, so I knew Kyle would be ok and he would be able to tell her off (which he does in the finale).  That doesn’t excuse her for what she did, but in the finale she recognize the worst in her and she stopped it. When has Cartman EVER acknowledged hes done wrong and genuinely felt sorry for what hes done or concern for someone else other than himself?

I still enjoy Cartman in the main group with the boys and getting into crazy adventures, but not in romantic relationships with anyone. He pisses me off more often than not, but I can still laugh and not take the show too seriously when its meant to be funny.

Ok I ranted long enough but just to be clear, despite my opinion on Kyman, I stay in my lane. I do not spread nor send hate to those who ship Kyman or believe in it. It is their right to ship what they want. I just stay out of it or block it. Life’s too short to be on here hating everything. Being in so many fandoms and seeing so much hate is so exhausting and I’m not gonna waste my time. Im going to spend it with you lovely people who ship the same ships and reblog my gifsets and send me great comments and questions. I live for that :)

Thx for the question :)

xo

[ultrahotpotato]

I cant stress enough how much i look forward to starting on T, and getting top surgery.

I cant wait to hear my voice crack for the first time.

I cant wait to start shaving

I cant wait to look down at my chest and be happy with what i see

I cant wait to pass as a male

I cant wait to get that jawline i hope i get

I cant wait to stop getting my period. (You have no idea how wrong it feels, every freaking month!)

I cant wait to be called a boy by everyone around me

I cant wait to be a proud trans boy, who isnt afraid.

I cant wait to people making fun of my voice cracking, even if im 21 when i start on T.

I cant wait to go topless at the beach, and no one staring at me weirdly.

I cant wait to be ‘one of the boys’

I cant wait to be able to go into the mens section in stores, and not get weird stares.

I cant wait to go into a mens bathroom, and no one looking at me weirdly.

I cant wait till i find a name that i think suits me, and then having people calling me that

I cant wait to teach people about lgbt+

I cant wait to meet other people like myself

I cant wait to hear somone call me their BOYfriend

I cant wait to be refferd to as a boy, even when im not around.

I cant wait to hear my mom and dad call me their son

I cant wait to tell my story to other trans people, and hearing other stories 

I cant wait to wear a dress, even after i have transitioned fully, and then rock it!

I cant wait to stop being scared

I cant wait to stop crying

I cant wait to stop hating my self

I cant wait to not feeling like this anymore

I cant wait to be happy with my self

I cant wait to be a better person

I cant wait to be more happy, so much more happy

I cant wait to get the people out of my life who arent okay with me being trans

I cant wait to set and X with male on tests

I cant wait to start growing a beard

I cant wait to then shaving it off

I cant wait to when people dont have to be scared to come out as trans, or anything else

I cant wait to all parents are accepting and supportive of their kids

I cant wait to all people re accepting and supportive of their friends and family.

I cant wait to being trans isn't something you should hide, becouse you are scared of others reactions.

I know i can do many of these things already when i havnt gotten the surgery nor started on T. But when i do get the surgery, and start on T, i know im gonna be much more confedint. Im gonna move away from where i am now, and start again, as the boy i truly am, and not someone i pretend to be.

I am so lucky that i have suportive parents and suportive friends, and im so happy. I am so freaking lucky to have them, even though im not fully out at all to everyone i know, just this little start means so much. And i cant imagine how it would be for somone without the suport. So please, if you know somone who is trans, agender, bigender, or something else, pleasure suport them. They might ask you to use a diffrent pronounce, or name, and if they do that, please use the name/pronounce they want, it means so much. And even if its a bit hard for you to remmber it, please try your best, and if you use the wrong name/pronounce, just quickly change it and move on, no need to make a big deal out of it. But just things as that can help so much, it can really mean a lot.

Being trans isnt always easy, some people have it worse than others.But i know just the smallest things, can make someone that much happier. 

I my self is a 17 year old trans guy, i havnt always known that, but im glad i have figured it out. There are still a lot of things i dont know yet about my self, But for now, i know im a trans guy, i am pansexual, though leaning towards guys, so i would say im quite gay. 

People figure out who they are at diffrent times, some when they are young, others when they are older. ANd that is okay, you should never force anything, and you dont have to label yourself, some people like labels, others dont. Just do what you feel comfortable doing, and dont judge others for doing the same thing.

I know i dont have a big following, and most of my folowers are porn blogs, but i just really nedded to say these things, and i will probrly reblog this post later, and probrbly also write one more or two. Happines is something that comes and goes, right now im okay, but i know that i will meet people who wont agree with who i am, and tell me that who i am is wrong, and tell me all kind of negative things, and i know i will cry, a lot more, happy tears and sad tears, beauce there is gonna be hard times and good times, and that is never gonna change, i hope it will though.

Anyways, im Ollie for the time being, a little gay trans guy just passing by. My inbox is always open, and i would love to talk to people, and learn about their experiences. 

I hope you have a great day