#this is my punishment for procrastinating and stressing over it instead of doing my homework at time lmao

[flesh-connoisseur]

I feel bad because yesterday I spent the day drawing Hannibal and the alcoholic dad guy from Inside Job kissing instead of doing my important homework and studying for four exams holy shit

[weakestguy]

What to do to stay motivated for exams?

"Dude, I just cant!"

Shouted Abhinav when I asked what’s up with his studies.

"I just can’t sit down, open pages and began to study. The course is too much, so is the pressure. I just want to sit back binge watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and relax. This boards nonsense has taken out the life from me. This is all too much."

And he continued with his anti-exams rant for a while, just like any other student who has an exam in few months.

Almost always attempting to do what you need to study to catch up with reading from previous weeks sounds like a drag.

“Do I understand these texts, too?”

“Am I going to be able to compose something informative and important to me?”

“Am I trying to do the right thing, huh? '

'Am I strong enough to do that?”

“Others tend to be right at the pinnacle of things than I am”

“What if I'm stupid?”

Abhinav continued his rambling. I can’t helped but noticed the fluency of his spoken English, gosh this kid is smart. Even in the moment of panic, and anxiety driven boohoo, he still have the command that makes everyone look him in awe, yet he is completely ignorant about it.

The minute you start filling your brain with useless thoughts like “I’m not enough of this”, “I wish I had this”, “I wish I looked like that”, “I’m too fat to wear that”, “I have no self-control”, “I’m bad at math”, etc. well guess what : you’ll still be bad at math, you’ll stay sad and in months from now you’ll be stuck in the same place.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What can help you when you feel burned out?

Watch a comedy series or movie. Its far better than a motivational video. Relax a lot while studying, let your mind get a good grasp of the concept and then proceed to study.

Do something entirely different. Set aside a time where you don’t study. A time block where you let the sponge in your head absorb the water and regain its natural shape.

Brain dump. Grab a piece of paper and write whatever in your mind. From your fantasy to the urge to kill your teacher, just let it out. Don’t let these ideas take roots in your head. Keep dumping the brain trash. Not only this will help you to increase your focus, but also it will increase your productivity, writing speed, and give room to learn.

Procrastination. We all do it, the urge to keep tasks of bay is just too much to resist. Use your weakness as your biggest strength. Instead of beating yourself over it, do it mindfully.

Use the power of imagination. Don’t think about what will Priya say when you her that your 100%, instead imagination yourself studying Math. Go to bed, lie down and began visualizing yourself solving equations of math and the very next day, you will be filling registers doing all calculations.

Time blocking. This is the method I came across while I was drooling over how aesthetic these crazy-talented youtubers are. The one that publish content on calligraphy, and Bullet journal. For a student, I think this would work. Plan the day-to-day predictable stuff and draw the random stuff on the bars. The bars can be homework, reading, study, programs, etc.

For me, Pomodoro works as a kick-starter. I don’t use it throughout the day when I’m studying but just to start my studying. 45 minutes of focused studying, followed by 15 minutes of break, extendable to 30 minutes.

Reward & Punishment. The thing with this method of taking yourself out of the burnt zone is, it sucks! Don’t get me wrong, I’m all in for eating chocolates after completing 10 question. But, recent study shows that Reward and punishment motivate behavior, but it is unclear exactly how they impact skill performance and whether the effect varies across skills. Overall, we saw little effect of reward on either learning or retention. Punishment had no effect on skill retention. So, try to keep the reward as scoring 100% and punishment as doing 100 pushups or running or something you physically cannot do. The fear will work as motivator to study.

“Study Spots”. Don’t have a fix spot. Study at different places. Not only this will make you independent of locations but also make your neurons stronger and hence you will learn better.

Start with the basics. For examples, if you are solving question of Integration, rote the formulae before solving the questions so that you don’t feel stressed and like you don’t know anything. And then move on the concepts of integration by parts, limits, etc.

These are the tips I and many top scorers I know use to keep the feeling of failure at bay and smash the hell of the exam.

What to do to take a break from studying:

set a time limit

go for a walk

pet your dog/cat/pet

listen to music (that isn't your study music)

take a shower

make a meal or snack

call/text a friend for support

lie down, close your eyes for a bit

What not to do:

watch 10 YouTube videos and then suddenly its midnight

scroll through Instagram mindlessly

if you do this your mind is still working !!! and not relaxing !!!

you’re not really refreshed when you come back!

that’s not a break, that’s procrastination.

but also, we’re all only human, so every few breaks don’t feel too guilty watching a short YouTube video/checking your Snapchat. (Add me: sammathur4)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Footnotes:

Time Blocks

2. Research on Reward and Punishment: The impact of reward and punishment on skill learning depends on task demands

With boards, semesters and other competitive exams around the block, hope this guide helps you.

[milatherese]

Update No. 5 (*cue Mambo No. 5*) – 90 Days, School, Discernment (just a lil bit)

Note #1: This update is long. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Note #2: If you don’t know Mambo No. 5, you need to listen to it (even though the lyrics may be morally wrong, it is quite catchy).

“How was the 90 day journey of a tiny bit of asceticism?” you ask. (nobody cares but I’m pretending you do haha)

That’s a question I still ask myself several days later. 90 days is a lot to process. Therefore, I have included my short answer to this question here: – It was a bit hard in the beginning but got easier as the days went by – I especially enjoyed the no social media / limited communication – I hated cold showers, actually gave it up by the end of the first month or so because it did more harm than good (imo)

The beginning was a little rough, but about as good as sacrifice gets. (you can read my thoughts on that here, here, and here) About a month in, I couldn’t cope, at least physically. I ended up just doing what I felt I was strong enough to do.

January was a little rough. Ever since school started, I had headaches every day (including non-school days). (If you’re wondering why I never shared this with you and why I hid my pain, it was because I didn’t want you to worry.)

At first the headaches were tolerable. I could get through a 12-hour day with minimal pain. They got increasingly worse. I began taking Tylenol according to the recommended dosage (1-2 tablets every 4-6 hours). I didn’t take Tylenol every other day (I try to avoid medicine, if possible) but I eventually “graduated” to taking the extra strength Tylenol, also according to the recommended dosage. Eventually, the headaches began to impact my studying. I had limited time to study (I had to time my studying during the lesser painful waves of my headaches). I was so worried for one class that I spent all my time studying for that one class during lecture of another difficult class (I figured I could bring up my grade in the second class later). Despite my high of level of unpreparedness, I was looking forward to taking the exams for both classes. I thought my headaches were the result of stressing over those two classes. Unfortunately, taking the exams for those classes didn’t end the headaches. In fact, they may have increased the pain.

My headaches soon became unbearable. I couldn’t hide the pain any longer. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t eat out of fear that I would only make the pain worse. I was in tears from the pain. Massaging my head and using an ice pack didn’t reduce the pain. I wanted to rip my head off to get rid of the pain once and for all.

At this time, I decided it was time to begin thinking about seeing the doctor about this. (Yes, I should have already gone to the doctor but my pain isn’t really a concern to me.) I decided that I would go to the doctor if the headaches persist for another week.

The pain was at its absolute worst one Saturday. I had to call in sick for work (we had an event – which I was really looking forward to, btw). I spent the day crying from the pain (at this point, my body wasn’t really responding to Tylenol). Finally, the physical pain began to affect my mental health. I was trying to figure out the root cause of the pain. I began questioning all my decisions – transferring high schools, transferring universities, not applying to a certain community, leaving relationships, etc. I was wondering if this was some sort of a punishment for making the “wrong” decision (which I later learned is no such thing, more on this another day). I felt so lost and alone. I was wondering if this was a taste of what Mother St. Teresa described as a “long dark night.” (I referenced this before in my last update but I just can’t get her long dark night out of my head.) I eventually cried myself to sleep and slept the rest of the day until 2am the next day.

When I woke, I noticed the pain had disappeared and, with it, the emotional rollercoaster I was going through earlier. I was able to get some rest from the physical and emotional pain and my mind was finally functioning as it normally would – quiet and able to think logically. It was clear that my pain was not for torment but for me to focus on something more important than the pain itself. I decided to pray the Rosary for it had been several weeks since I had been able to pray the Rosary without distractions (I would either fall asleep or be distracted by the headache or my studies). I prayed God would help me discern what He wanted me to tend to. I felt that I should prayerfully consider my career path now that I was away from outside influences.

I began reflecting on my semester thus far. There was one day that my mom visited campus and overheard some girls complimenting and encouraging each other. She told me, “I want you to be in whatever major they’re in. They seem happy. You don’t.” At the time, I was too stubborn to see that my happiness was just a mask I put on to “be strong.” I remembered writing pre-labs and post-labs but barely understanding the material, only understanding the grammar necessary to produce acceptable scholarly work. I recalled being so stressed that I was rude to the whole world (except for work) to the point that my mom exclaimed, “Who are you? You’re not human anymore!”  She was right – I wasn’t myself.  That woke me up. I thought, “What good is my major if it only brings out the worst in me?” In prayer, felt called to pursue another career instead of MD/DO. I still don’t know what career exactly, but I’m trusting that my time studying and preparing for MD/DO will help me in my calling.

That Sunday, I informed my parents and one trusted relative of my decision to change majors and they were overjoyed. (My uncle seemed to have already known in the beginning that I would leave the MD/DO path, but wanted me to come to that decision myself.)

So, I changed majors back to Allied Health, B.S.

I met with my academic advisor (not the one who screwed me over, for any of those who know the story) and we came up with a school plan. Estimated graduation date was Fall 2021.

I dealt with this change as best I could and things were on the up and up…until it wasn’t.

Early February, I learned that a close priest friend had passed away, just 3 days shy of his birthday. I had been looking forward to his birthday (not that I would be with celebrating with him, just happy he would be celebrating another year) so hearing the news was devastating. He was like an uncle to me. To quote what I said at a memorial, he was “a great friend, a big brother, a father figure, a very holy man, a man for others.” (There’s so much I can say on him but I’ll leave that for another post) The first day, I seemed okay. Minimal feelings of sadness. It hadn’t hit me yet. It hit me the very next day. And it hit hard and long. I was crying everywhere I went whenever I was away from family and friends. Some days were harder than others (my supervisor sent me home early to give me time to grieve). I was going through so many emotions. I was frustrated that I was taking so long to grieve (I later learned that grief has no time limit) and annoyed that I did not feel comfortable talking to my family or friends about it. I had faced loss before (when Bro. Morgan passed away), but never anything as devastating as this. I did not know how to cope with grief. I struggled to stay focused during class (actually broke down in tears at least during one class each day) and to finish my work (skipped out on a staff meeting due to waterworks). I cancelled a couple meetings and called in sick to group therapy twice. I distanced myself from the world and those who love[d] me. Unfortunately, all this affected my studies once again. Despite my lighter load, I could not concentrate. I did not think of sharing all this with my professors as I felt like they wouldn’t understand (or maybe I was just being stubborn again?)

It came time for RECongress and I held it together (somewhat…more on that on another post). It was that Friday that I was able to study without getting distracted by grief. I had an exam the following Monday. But one day of studying 3+ weeks of material was not enough to pass the exam. So there went that.

February went by with each day bleeding into the next. Each day was a blur until one blessed night.

My brother had arrived home late from school one day and as he was pulling into our driveway (why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways) a beautiful dog approached him. I won’t go into details but the dog is now ours and has been the biggest blessing this semester, especially in helping our family cope with grief. We believe (as do others) that Father Suarez sent her to us.

Come March and April, things were finally on the up and up again. I was studying every day and keeping up with work. But then quarantine hit and things went downhill yet again. I did become more active on this blog since March 16th but inside I was deteriorating. However, it wasn’t as detrimental as January and February. Let’s just say that I learned the house is not conducive to studying, I may need a new prescription for glasses, and we need to find better internet (or move to a place with better cell signal). I failed a final due to failed internet connection (thanks be to God I got another shot at it). I took my two other finals in the car in the parking lot in front of Starbucks.

Quarantine has been the best and the worst for me. I realized that spiritually, I was thirsty. Thirsty for God. I live-streamed Mass and adoration daily and at odd hours, even doing homework and studying “with God.” The more things I had to do, the more I felt the need to “hang” with God (which, in retrospect, may have been a bad decision because I ended up procrastinating and losing a lot of sleep). I learned to value receiving the sacraments in-person now. I’m more aware of when I sin or am near sin. It has also reignited the flame of faith. I’ve been doing a lot more spiritual reading, especially now that APU semester is over (still have one class at a JC).

Despite this, discernment got a bit murky. I began questioning my vocation and doing a lot more “reality checks” (and a lot more second-guessing). Frankly, I don’t think I would survive living in a community of all women since all my close friends are men. (Or is that an excuse I am making for myself?) I don’t think I would make a great mother either so perhaps I’m meant to be single? (Or am I just a harsh critic of myself and I would actually be a great mother?) I had not really spoken to my spiritual director in months (transportation and schedule issues, both on my part).

A priest I met at RECongress learned I was discerning religious life (if you didn’t know this, I hope this isn’t a surprise) and asked me to email him as soon as possible in case I need guidance. I didn’t email him until April 1st so that may have contributed to my overthinking. He replied a couple weeks later (and I replied a couple days after that and am still awaiting a response). I asked God for “another sign, for some clarity” and He gave me another. However, everything still looks murky to me. I feel both consolation and desolation at the same time. I might be facing another identity crisis like last semester. Aye.

Ok this is way longer than I had planned so I’m just gonna stop right here.

If you read this far, thank you for reading. If you relate to anything I shared, I hope you know that you’re not alone and that if you ever need anything (even if it’s just a listening ear), I’ll do my best to help. Just ask. (And if you need something but I haven’t replied in a long time, just reach out again. I forget to reply to messages quite often.)

[angel-of-studying-blog]

My Study Habits; awareness of what works for me and what doesn’t.

I need to be at a desk. If I’m on the bed or couch it’s like my brain refuses to do work.

I need to have water at my side while I’m doing homework or studying. I eat when I’m stressed, procrastinating, or bored, and drinking water instead is a good way to keep that bad habit at bay.

Rewriting notes doesn’t actually help me that much.

Reading the assigned readings is so so so important for me. I need to remember that I don’t actually have to read in depth and analyze, but that sometimes simply skimming will do the trick. Skipping readings screws me over though.

Notes are good most of the time. But don’t write down stuff I don’t need. They don’t need to look pretty.

In fact, trying to make my notes pretty detracts from my mental energy reserve and makes me not want to do the things I actually need to do. Plus it puts this pressure on me like from that point on, I HAVE to have pretty notes. Like who cares if they’re pretty.

To-do lists are everything. I need them to function.

Routines are important. When I abandon them, my life spirals out of control for like a whole week and makes me behind on a bunch of stuff.

I need to clean out my backpack and folders more often. It gets heavy and hurts my back, which is bad since I already have back problems.

Don’t depend on that extra 30 minutes I have every morning to get stuff done. My friends usually distract me, so just get it done on time.

Paying attention is class is the thing that helps me most. I also need to participate, because that is almost a sure way to do well in the class.

Writing down questions I have, like in math, is a Good Thing. A really Good Thing.

I’m not a physical Planner person. Like, writing stuff down everything on paper doesn’t work for me because I can’t just change it easily like I can on Google Keep.

Don’t try to be Aesthetic. It’s draining and pointless.

Don’t force myself to maintain a blog or whatever because feeling obligated to do unnecessary things stresses me out.

Flash cards are actually really useful for me. Huh.

My schedule is pretty full on Mondays and Wednesdays. That’s why I should get started on my homework pretty soon after I get home, if not immediately.

Planning out the things I’m going to do the night before with a quick list really helps keep me on track.

I need to take advantage of all my free periods. Instead of talking to my friends, I should just shove my earbuds in and keep my mouth shut and focus on my work.

For two years, I had myself convinced I didn’t need much sleep to function. I was so wrong. Sleep makes all the difference. Not getting enough sleep for one night can screw up my entire week as I try to ply catch-up, so I need to start thinking ahead. I need to teach myself that sleep is the biggest priority. It lets me focus in school, absorb knowledge, as remember it better. Plus it keeps me out of awkward situations since I don’t have control over myself when I’m tired. And it makes me look and feel better. Just remember that feeling of exhaustion and almost dozing off during an important lesson.

Deadlines are what motivate me.

Study groups aren’t very effective for me, especially in math. I need time to sit down and think about stuff at my own pace, I don’t like being rushed and being distracted by chaos and people talking.

BUT they can be effective IF I take the lead and do the actual teaching. I can’t listen to other people, especially peers, review stuff. I need to be the one explaining, but that requires knowing the knowledge before hand. So basically, I should only count on study groups for review. I’ve found the groups effective for history. Sometimes biology (again, know the material). Math not really, but maybe if I was sure about the material.

Writing things down helps me. Sometimes I just need to sit down and visualize my ideas and put it down on paper so I can see it physically.

Maybe I should try mindmaps ^

Maybe I should also give Cornell-style notes a shot. I’ve only done outline-style so far.

Do assignments in pencil. I get sloppy and careless for some reason when I use pen and I’m dissatisfied with how it looks.

All the stuff in my backpack has to be organized in a specific way, that way my stuff stays intact and I have peace of mind. Same with the stuff in my pencil pouch.

I love sticky notes.

Coffee is a good last resort, but try not to get addicted to it or depend on it. Sleep is better anyway.

I need breakfast or else my stomach will hurt and I’ll be distracted.

Drinking water in the morning helps me stay focused and keeps headaches away.

Speaking of headaches, I tend to get them often, especially when I have less than six hours of sleep (GET SLEEP) and when I’m dehydrated. Keep Advil on hand.

I need to sit in the front. I hate the back. The middle is okay...but the front is the best. Okay, maybe second row.

If I get sleep, I focus better in school and do better on homework and tests. If I do that, I know what I’m doing. If I know what I’m going, people notice and praise me. I look smart. I LIVE for that. When I get that feedback, I do get motivated. When I’m motivated I sleep better. It’s a whole cycle and SLEEP is what makes it all happen.

Deleting all my social media apps is how I keep myself from procrastinating, and I don’t even like social media so it’s easy for me.

My main distractors are YouTube and Webtoon. I need to do something about that.

I’m more of a reward than punishment person.

If I’m currently watching a show I love, I tend to let it take over my life and then I don’t do my homework and I get behind. BUT I also can and do use shows and movies to either reward myself or look forward to as a break. What I do with 20 minutes episodes is I try to get 2 or 3 things done. With longer episodes, I bunch together more assignments on my to-do list. With movies, I try to get everything done and then I watch them.

My dog distracts me. I spontaneously cuddle with him, telling myself I’ll only play with him for 5 minutes, but then it’s 15 or 20 minutes later and I’m only then finishing up. I should practice self-control.

I can only work upstairs at the kitchen table when my whole family isn’t home. When they are, I can’t focus, so I should work downstairs instead. I get distracted downstairs too, but I’m working on it. That chair really hurts my back though. I should get a new one.

Putting a blanket around my shoulders puts me to sleep. Don’t do it while working.

Sometimes I don’t want to do work so my brain pretends to be tired and I tell myself I’ll only nap for 15/20 minutes but it always ends up being like way over an hour. Just push through it or make coffee instead.

I get sloppy and lazy in my PJs, so over the weekends I should change into something once I wake up so I don’t waste my weekend and I actually get things done.

I should try to get stuff done on Fridays mostly and some on Saturday, because when I leave everything for Sunday, I rush and do a poor job.

Making a physical schedule for my classes helps me.

Sometimes I don’t want to do homework if I can’t listen to music while I do it. Like with watching assigned videos, or reading textbooks. But I need to get over it and somehow get it through my head that I’m making it worse than it is.

On days I don’t feel motivated, I should make some sort of reward. Whether it’s taking a walk with my friend, watching something, reading something, eating something, sleeping, relaxing, etc.

Maybe I should schedule some crying-time for myself. Just to relieve stress and anxiety.

Under-wire bras are uncomfortable and distract me in class.

The main ways I learn: paying full attention

How I should study for math (after learning the hard way): practicing the problems by doing them is more important than looking over all the notes. Do the practice packets and focus on the problems she says to focus on. BUT Indo still need to look at the notes beforehand, or else I’ll act crazy and feel like I’m not doing it right and start going insane. So I need to really have some self control for about a week before finals and split up the notes I need to review. Because looking over the notes let’s me see everything we learned and reminds me about stuff I forgot.

I’m a visual learner. Then a kinesthegic learner. I’m definitely not an aural learner, but I can maybe work on that?

The main ways I learn: paying full attention in class, participating, doing the homework, asking questions. A bit of studying for tests included.

I have to actively pay attention and really try to absorb stuff and process it at the same time as I’m paying attention. Especially for math and the sciences. Not really for history, and definitely not for English.

When I get home, reviewing my math notes from that day’s lesson just really quickly before I do the assignment helps me learn it and understand it and remember it.

I once tried to briefly review a week’s math notes every day before doing an assignment in order to do better on the math test and I think I did better.

Listening to music while I do math doesn’t distract me 99.9999% of the time.

But it does with reading things like textbooks.

Listening to music while reading textbooks because I don’t want to stop listening to music is way less effective than hardcore skimming through a textbook without music because I wanna get back to music. When I listen to music while reading, I take nothing in, it drags out longer, and I get distracted. When I don’t listen to music, sure I’m bored a bit, but I take everything in, I don’t get nearly as distracted, and I finish quicker. I should try to not just skim though (but if I can’t help it, then yeah, even just skimming is better).

Highlighting doesn’t always help me. In fact, it rarely does since I only use it for the aesthetic. I should try utilizing it better.

I’m good at English and can write essays easily, so that’s let me get lazy and not look to improve my writing. I feel like because of this, it’s been stagnant. I should challenge myself.

When I have had teachers, I should try to not use that as an excuse to do poorly and instead put more effort in.

Talking during class is disrespectful and doesn’t help me. I don’t usually do it, but I do when I’m tired or in a class I don’t like.

Audionyms are so useful to me, but ONLY when they have the accompanying images.

Do the damn extra credit, dumbass.

Don’t waste my free periods.

If I know I have a lot of homework, but I have plans, I should do some homework beforehand.

I didn’t realize how valuable and useful practice tests and questions are, but they really are and I should start taking advantage of them when I have them.

Don’t waste time making quizlets if you can find ones that already exist.

Physical flash cards are more effective for me. They require me to go through them less than digital ones. I’ve proved this to myself. But if I want some quick review I can use quizlet.

Study guides are great.

Getting homework done in classes like English is great because then I don’t have to worry about those stupid little assignments and can focus on more important things.

I don’t really like doing my math homework around other people because I like silence and peace so I can really focus on it and take my time with it.

Sometimes I use that ^ as an excuse to not do anything, when really I should just do different homework.

I have all these little processes and routines that I find therapeutic and a good way to get myself in the zone for homework: setting up the lines on my graph paper for my math homework, cutting my flash cards, making a to do list, getting all my stuff out in a particular order and the same with putting it away.

I also use a lot of alarms.

Taking notes during classes like math and science saves my life.

Drawing stuff for math and science in my notes helps.

Don’t waste time rewriting nooootes.

Notes for History are useful, but not always necessary. Math notes are unquestionably necessary, same for the sciences (like Biology). English notes are whatever, and I only write them because they’re required.

I memorize physical notes easier, but if a teacher talks fast, computers might be more useful. Maybe I can rewrite it physically at home. That would probably be the only time that rewriting notes is good for me. And I can do stuff like drawing diagrams on the side if I do computer notes and then combine the two.

Usually I don’t like checking my answers on tests because I’ll change it and get it wrong when I could have gotten it right, but math is the exception.

Most days I have a few hours at home before my sister gets home, and that’s the best time to get homework done because it’s quieter.

Before high school, I didn’t have to study. It was a rough transition, and it took me two entire years to realize that I had to get off my ass and actually put effort into school. This semester I figured out a lot of things about how my brain works, how I learn, what I need, and how to utilize all of these things. I put in a lot of effort, and looking back, I think I mostly did my best. I feel satisfied with it.

I do better when I have a lot on my plate because I know I can’t mess around, whereas I get lazy and form very destructive habits when I only have a few things to do. I need multiple hard classes at a time instead of just one. I need at least two that require a lot of effort/time or are difficult, at least one fun or easy class, and about two classes that are somewhere in the middle.

I’m an extremely competitive person. This is also what motivates me.

Surrounding myself with smart and hardworking friends pushes me to be the same (but also to be smarter and harder working than them, shhh)

I’m a natural leader, so when I’m in group projects I always end up being the one taking charge and delegating tasks/reminding people.

Also I’m not a fan of group projects if I can’t choose who I work with.

I like making some sort of visual for upcoming events because it makes me less stressed to know exactly when an event is coming up and how it’s oriented around other events.

I’m really good at memorizing things, but usually for short-term things. That’s useful for unit/module tests, but not for things like finals. Luckily, I don’t have to relearn the material, I just have to review it. Maybe to prevent having to cram, I should do more frequent reviews in shorter bursts over the semester.

I need to fully understand things like math and science to feel comfortable. I can kind of shrug off history and English if I’m not solid on a topic.

I developed a growth mindset at the beginning of this year because I was sick of my old school habits.

I’m an optimist/realist.

I’m not superstitious buuuuut, if I get cocky about a test, I usually end up disappointing myself. It’s best to just go in neutral because that way I’m not stressed or anxious or excited, I’m just sitting down and my brain is functioning normally at the best of its ability.

I’ve come to learn that time speeds up the month of finals week.

I find it really useful when a teacher demonstrates the lesson or does the problems with us.

[sweet--talked]

You don’t have to be the best

I was thinking the other day and I realized something: My whole life I have put this unnecessary, unhealthy pressure on myself to “be the best”. That always  meant always getting higher grades than everyone else, and being smarter than everyone else. Here’s the thing: it never happened. Yes, I had outstanding grades, yes, I had way above average intelligence, but there was always someone that was “perfect”, meaning prettier, smarter, and who got better grades than I did. And now I look back and I feel so bad because I used to emotionally punish myself for that; I blamed myself for not getting the highest grade, for not being able to answer every single question, for not having the energy to do more than a few swipes of mascara and some lipstick every morning. I told myself I was too lazy, I needed to be better, more productive, always better. The truth is that yes, I procrastinate, yes, I’m lazy, yes, I like my sleep, and hell yes, I will always pick anything else over doing homework. But does that make me a failure? does it justify me punishing myself for not being “the best”? for only getting one trophy instead of seven at the end of the year? NO. It only makes me human. I can’t make my IQ higher than it already is, and I can’t make myself be good at and like every single subject. I can’t always answer all the questions, and I can’t get an A in all of the assignments. I’m not saying it as an “I give up, I can’t do it” statement. I’m saying it as an “I know myself and I know that I just can’t hit every ball that comes at me” statement. Because if and when I tell myself that I can, I immediately start blaming myself for the fact that I haven’t done it. Some people can, because they have a higher IQ, or because they like school, or because the can hold more in their plate, or because they are simply built in  way that they can do more than I can. I can’t compare myself to those people. I have a limit and so do they, theirs is just higher than mine. I just can’t blame myself for that, because I’ll be miserable forever. The point I’m trying to make is: If you’re doing the best you can (without completely depriving yourself of needed things such as recreational time, sleep, food, etc.) and you’re still not the top three in your class, IT IS OKAY. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. It’s okay if you can't handle studying 24/7, it’s okay if you can’t answer all the questions. As long as you’re making the effort and you’re in a good place, there is no need to make yourself feel like shit. At the end of the day, when you have a job or even when you’re older and out of school, will it really matter? Your report cards will just be pieces of paper that you won’t even remember, and whatever trophies or medals you got will be sitting in an old box never to be seen again. So don’t stress; you’re doing great.