#this is my personal belief forever

[hualianisms]

hualian scenes/quotes that Changed me as a person:

the entire campfire conversation in ch 120 

“only after having met you did i rediscover that it’s such a simple thing to be happy.”

“forever exists. there’s one person who can truly achieve it. i believe.”

the scene where hua cheng moves to block a breeze automatically without thinking, “as if protecting xie lian was an innate ability”. and xie lian calls his name and he turns and instantly smiles and “xie lian felt, hua cheng probably didn’t notice himself smiling.”

xl in ch 241 saying: "it's been so long since anyone listened to me talk, won't you stay?" vs hc in ch 250 saying: "then tell me again. i want to listen. it will never be enough no matter how much i listen."

"to watch with your own eyes your beloved be trampled and ridiculed, yet unable to do anything. that is the worst suffering in the world."

[allthepresidentsmen1976]

rereading giovanni’s room and it’s all about the everlasting. everlasting grief and shame and fear and love and longing and the fact that it stays with you no matter how far you go, no matter how long you wait

[imaharrie]

-

[stylesthebrave]

tw// grief

[cosmik-homo]

. Getting into rabbitboles about Oslo accords and wow. Yikes.

Do not reblog at any cost this is just me venting wildly in tags

[lesbiten]

i think one of my favorite things abt the office is how much of a shit pam stops giving as time goes on

[jiangwanyin]

77 and 91 for the asks!

thank you so much!! 💜

77. is there comedy in all tragedy and tragedy in all comedy?

i think so? all human experiences are a bit of a mixed bag and as a result so are the stories we tell about them, but i think it's impossible to separate tragedy and comedy the same way nothing and no one is completely good or completely bad, one side may be more obvious to the point where that's the only thing you even see but they always come hand in hand, there's always a little bit of light there, a little comedy in the tragedy and vice versa even if you only notice it years later

91. is hate as strong as love? who do you hate?

wow okay this is definitely one of the hardest questions on the list but here we go: i think they're equal, neither is stronger than the other because they're essentially two sides of the same coin and the only proof you need for that is that humanity persevered despite all the hate in the world but even with all that love there's still room for hate. hate is more obvious (especially on a global scale, sadly acts of love are usually smaller and don't quite make the headlines) and in a way easier than love which requires commitment, nurturing etc (but maybe i'm just subconsciously making this a jedi vs sith analogy asdfhdjk) and that's only natural? i don't think a world without hatred is a realistically attainable goal, and ultimately i don't think it even should be our goal? alright now i'm going into some more personal and philosophical buddhism-adjacent views so by all means feel free to stop reading but the way i see it, you can't change the world, the only thing you can change is yourself and while obviously saying this i am not promoting non-action when it comes to world issues, i do believe that the only way to move forward is to work on yourself, to let go of your own hatred and practice acceptance and work towards enlightenment or whatever you want to call it, my point being that it is possible to live without hate on a personal level, but on a global scale i think it'll always be present because it's just part of this world, but i believe in the existence of nirvana and that once you reach a certain level you won't be reincarnated on earth, and on that higher level of existence the same feelings (such as in this case hate) will no longer be relevant or even exist BUT of course that's just my own way of looking at it and admittedly it doesn't appeal to everyone but hey,,

moving onto the second half (i promise i'll keep this short) i don't think i truly hate anyone? which makes me sound a lot nicer than i really am asdfhjdk no but honestly i am angry a lot at people (especially myself) but hate just feels pointless to me? i mean sure in a very generalized sense you could say i hate the government and everyone who purposefully harms other people etc etc but can i really hate any individual i do not know? i can disagree with their actions and god knows i do but at the risk of sounding very holier than thou, hate just isn't in my nature

[stawscweam]

I’m doing it. I’m finally creating my Khajiit Dragonborn.

[abimee]

Antoine De Saint Exupery! that’s what ur art reminds me of!!!! i couldn’t remember!

O I DIE if thats tru because i dont know if you guys know but antoine and the little prince

i have a deep love for them both

[magic-can]

So I learned about Annihilationism and tbh? I’m kinda on board with it

[thislilstangirl]

the rage of princess shuri

very few character arcs have been as substantive and transformative as the arc given to shuri in wakanda forever. and what makes it so powerful is her undeniable rage.

shuri angry. at herself, at the ancestors, at the world. and there’s so much range in her anger. it’s cold and dismissive to her mother’s faith in the spiritual. it’s painful and untethering to herself and her beliefs. it’s hot and all consuming towards namor and the harm he causes.

and then with how mythical and fairytale-esque wakanda forever is in general. shuri plays with the princess archetype and instead almost becomes a vengeful goddess. eternal war was one death away. it just happens that the person she longed to kill was her mirror image.

a black heroine having the space to transform, rebirth by fire and fury, was an experience. i don’t really know how to put it into words.

“Is my mother’s life not worth eternal war?”

that might be one of the most heartbreaking, and relatable lines in the mcu. grief and anger crystallised into one question.

[amatchinwater]

I Know What You Want From Me / Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Summary: Song fic of 18 by Anarbor, your parents kick you out when you tell them you can't be with Jason because you're already dating Eddie...except that you aren't. So now you have to go to Eddie after not speaking for years and ask to not only live with him, but pretend to date you too. What could possibly go wrong there?

Warnings: 18+, explicit sexual content, fingering, oral (f receiving), p in v sex, semi-public sex (they're in the woods), squirting, unprotected sex (reader on pill, but not stated until after), cream pie, choking, spanking, protective reader (Jason gets his shit rocked), angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective Eddie, reader's parents are awful

Words: 9746 (oops?)

a/n: I feel like I've been working on this forever and a day. With the finale, I had to stop because angst wasn't something I could handle just yet. But the fluff and ending makes the angst worth it. Requests are still open.

Master list

Part 2

Not my gif!! Credit to the lovely @msmischief101

It’s been a long time since you’ve pulled into Forest Hills Trailer Park. A really long fucking time. Part of you wants to turn around, just get on the highway and never look back at this godforsaken town and their prejudiced beliefs. That having money and a pristine lifestyle makes you worth something. It’s bullshit. And you fucking hate it. And you want out. Hell, your bags are already packed in the backseat behind you.

You’re eighteen, legally, if you really wanted to, you could run. Run as far away from not only Hawkins, but Indiana in general. Now that you’re eighteen, you have a sizable trust fund. Your father wanted to rescind your rights to it. Change it to where you’d only see a penny once you were twenty-one. Or worse; married. Somehow your mother convinced him not to do that, that you’d be able to use the money for college. 

You’re not even sure you want to do that either. 

But there was one person in your life who told you that no matter what you did, they’d always stick beside you. While that statement hasn’t held true these last six years or so, it was far from it being his fault. No, you shamefully hold that crown. 

Once you started to rise up the social ladder in school and your father got a big time promotion at work, your parents forced the social debutant bullshit on you. You hated every single second of it. Every one of those dumb parties they dragged you to. The dinners and get-togethers. They all sucked. And everyone there was so vapid and full of themselves, you wanted to scream. 

Now that you’re eighteen and “supposed” to be looking at prestigious colleges for some job you’ll never want, your parents did the worst thing imaginable. They tried to set you up. Quite literally wanted to give you an arranged marriage. God, the look your father gave you like it was supposed to be some wonderful gift you should be grateful for. As if being pawned off to someone like Jason Carver is to be coveted. 

Fuck that. 

So you did something really stupid. Like, really stupid. You told them that you couldn’t be with Jason because you were already with someone else. You’d hoped it would just be enough to make them drop the issue. It wasn’t. They poked and prodded until you gave them a name. You told them the only person in Hawkins you could even remotely think of. 

Eddie Munson. 

The conversation with your parents was pretty short after that. Being told to pack your bags and not come back if you wanted to align yourself with “someone like him.” That if you were grown up enough to make your choices, to go live with him and see how long it lasts, and not to come crying to them when you wind up pregnant. 

You did exactly that. Grabbed everything you felt couldn’t be replaced and left. But for some reason, instead of just driving towards the town limit and getting the fuck out of dodge, you found yourself on your way to the trailer you used to spend a good chunk of your childhood in. 

Because you grew up there. You were once neighbors- something your parents try very hard to forget- and childhood best friends. You used to be on a first name basis with Wayne. And despite what everyone says about him, that he’s a freak or the satanist propaganda, you know Eddie. Knew Eddie. So maybe there was some small part of you that hoped Eddie was still that sweet kid at heart and would let you crash for a few months until graduation and then you could leave Hawkins for good. 

It was a stupid idea from the start. One not fully formulated or even properly processed. 

But here you are, pulling up to the familiar, yet foreign trailer with Eddie’s van parked right out front. And of course it’s pouring rain. The day your life goes to shit wouldn’t be a nice, calm evening. No. When have you ever been that lucky? When is anyone that lucky? 

Turning the engine off, you sit and listen to the rain patter against the roof of your car. Contemplating leaving again. Maybe the real reason you came here was so that you would be convinced to stay. Eddie has never been one to run from his problems. The bloody nose he gave Jason a year ago for taking a swing on him is proof of that. So maybe you really want someone to tell you to man the fuck up and grab life by the balls or some shit. 

Just some strange words that manage to sound inspiring because they’re coming from Eddie’s goofy grin. 

“Fuck it,” you grind your teeth, shoving your door open and stepping out into the storm, wincing when the freezing water sinks into your skin. “Shit, shit, shit,” you jog up to his front door, thankful for the awning over the porch. Not letting yourself be talked out of this, you pound on the door to be heard over Shout at the Devil being blasted from Eddie’s room. 

“Henderson, I already told you-” Eddie’s yelling as he yanks open the front door, “-you’re not Henderson.” 

“No,” you shiver, hands rubbing your arms. How did you possibly get drenched in the ten steps it took you to get from the car to his door? Eddie’s features are guarded and you can’t help but shiver again. From the cold or his stare, you’re not really sure. Maybe you should just leave. The highway is sounding more and more tempting. “I should just-” you trail off, gesturing back towards your car.

Eddie finally takes a look at your state and his eyes widen, furrowed eyebrows losing their tension, “no, come in,” he opens the door further. “I-I’ll get you a towel,” Eddie runs off. 

Shaky bones carry you over the threshold, goosebumps only getting angrier at the warmth of the trailer. It looks exactly like it did the last time you were here. Except maybe a few more hats have joined the collection on the wall. Eddie comes back with two towels, placing one on the couch and offering you the other. “Thanks,” you take it, toweling your hair before wrapping it around your shoulders, sitting on the one he’d set down for you. “I’m sorry to just barge in like this,” your eyes begin to burn with tears. 

“What happened? Are you okay?” Eddie sits beside you and you can practically feel his warmth radiating off of him. That's how cold you are. 

“I did something really stupid,” you admit, shaking your head, wanting to curl up in a hole. “My parents want to hand me over to Jason. Pretty bow and everything,” you choke out a laugh. “Like I’m some prized trophy wife or some shit.” 

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie nearly shouts. You laugh sarcastically, nodding your head. His face twists, “but hang on, that’s a stupid thing they did. What stupid thing did you do?”

You fiddle with the fraying corner of the towel, dropping your gaze to your lap, “I told them that I couldn’t be with Jason.”

“That doesn’t seem stu-”

“Because I’m in a relationship with you,” you pull your head back up, meeting deer in the headlight brown eyes and a slack jaw. Nerves make your tongue ramble, “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I told them that. You were the first person that came to mind when they wouldn’t stop asking me who could be more important than Jason. And I just- I didn’t know what to do. So I just thought- I don’t know what I thought. But w-we used to be best friends once, I-”

“Yeah, once,” Eddie tongue in cheek scoffs, “then you got popular and I didn’t matter anymore. So, what? You thought you would just come here and I would live up to this fantasy relationship? Because it’s you?”

Your head drops again, “they told me if I wanted to be with you that badly that I should go live with you. That they didn’t recognize their daughter anymore. They kicked me out, or maybe I just ran. I don’t know, Eddie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to drag you into this.” Tears spill from your eyes, when you look back up at him, “I’ll just get back in the car and leave town like I should’ve done in the first place. I’m sorry,” you take the towel off your shoulders and place it in his lap, getting up off the couch. 

You make it all of three steps until Eddie’s hand wraps around your wrist, “wait.” He sighs as you turn to face him. “Let me get this straight, you told your parents you were dating me because I was the only person you could think of that was better than Jason?” 

Rolling your eyes, you scoff, “well, duh.” It might have been instinct that made you say it, doesn’t make it any less true. Jason doesn’t hold a candle to Eddie in any situation. Not to you. Years of separation be damned. 

“And you now have nowhere to live?” You shake your head no. Eddie sighs again, “I’ll do it.” 

“W-what?” You ask. Because surely you heard him wrong. Eddie doesn’t owe you a fucking thing. “What do you mean you’ll do it?” 

“I’ll help you keep this facade that we’re dating for the sake of your parents and Jason,” he sneers at the name. “Move in here with me, Wayne won’t mind. He still asks about you from time to time, I’m sure he’d love the idea. And then, when you graduate, you’re free to do whatever you want.”

Blinking rapidly, you nearly stumble backwards. Shocked that Eddie would do this. “Why?”

“Your parents are assholes,” Eddie laughs and you do too. He’s far from wrong. “Pissing them off by pretending to date you and giving you a safe place to live? Fuck yeah, I’ll do it. Besides, I’m sure if they told you about it, Jason already knows. Which means I get to make that asshole jealous. It’s a win-win.” He laughs again, softer this time along with his smile. “And you’re right. We were best friends once, maybe we could be again.” 

“I really don’t give a fuck what Jason or my parents think, Eddie. I’m just sick of them thinking that they can control me,” you tell him. “But if giving them the finger is enough incentive for you, then I appreciate it. For what it’s worth, I really miss having you as my best friend.” 

“Me too,” he smiles, pulling you into a hug. “How about you go take a shower and I’ll make you some hot chocolate. Booze free this time,” Eddie chuckles.

You laugh, remembering when you were younger and neither of you thought Wayne would notice the vodka two twelve year olds put in their drinks. “Honestly, I probably wouldn’t mind it this time around,” you pull away. 

“Comin' right up,” Eddie grins, heading into the kitchen while you go down the hallway. 

Stopping at the bathroom you poke your head around the corner, “hey, Eds.” He stops humming, milk hoovering the pot, quirking an eyebrow at you. “Thank you,” you smile, tucking into the bathroom to shower off before he can answer. 

—

At school the next day, you’re not really sure what to expect. Eddie drove you in his van and you were given more than a few looks from people you don’t even know. Which were thankfully easy enough to ignore. Somehow you’re also lucky enough that all of your classes before lunch didn’t have a single one of your “friends” either. Friends meaning Jason’s friends who were nice to you because you had money and a pretty face. 

But your actual lunch period? Practically the entire basketball team shared the same block as you. And the second you walk out of the lunch line, Jason immediately finds you. You’re wearing darker clothes and have certainly kept your head down. How the fuck did he find you so fast? 

“Hey, I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” he smiles with too much teeth. Voice so sweet it’s sickening. 

“Should’ve hid better,” you mumble, clutching your tray to your chest to keep a barrier between the two of you. “Did you need something?” You ask, eyes scanning the room to find literally anyone you could run to to save you from this. You find Eddie’s friends from Hellfire all around the table, but no sign of Eddie himself. You know their names thanks to Eddie telling you about them last night. But you don’t really think you can just go up to them for help. 

“Well, I was talking to your parents the other day,” he pushes his hands farther into his letterman jacket pockets, ducking his head to appear coy. “I was hoping you’d like to go on a date with-”

An arm snakes around your waist and you nearly jump out of your skin, until you hear, “there you are, babe.” Eddie curls you close to him, kissing the side of your head, “you ready to go sit?” 

You turn to him with a grateful smile, ready to answer, but someone else’s words come out. 

“What the fuck is this?” Jason snaps. 

“I’m sure you know Eddie,” you smile sweetly, fighting the eye roll at the jock before you. “My boyfriend,” you state, loving the way Jason’s eyes are ready to bulge out of his head. Eddie chuckles smugly beside you, his grip tightening only just. You’re actually glad he’s getting something out of this too. Even if it’s just shoving it in Jason’s face. Makes it feel like you’re not using him.

“I thought they were joking!” Jason seethes, “you’re seriously with this freak? You chose him over me? A freak?” 

“Eds, could you hold this please?” You extend your tray towards him, which he takes with a confused expression. “Thanks,” you kiss his cheek, turning your attention back to the blonde. “One, no, it’s not a fucking joke. Two, he’s not a freak. And three,” you slap Jason right across the cheek with a resounding crack, silencing the cafeteria. “If I hear you say some shit like that about him again, you’ll be lucky a slap is all you get. Fuck off, Jason.” 

“Holy shit,” Eddie sputters a laugh, “that was fucking awesome!” Wrapping an arm around your shoulder, Eddie walks you towards the Hellfire table, neither of you caring about the grumbling jock behind you. Or the hushed chatter that’s fallen over the cafeteria. “And here I thought I was the one coming to your rescue,” he teases, placing your tray on the table surrounded by his wide eyed friends. “Come here,” Eddie sits down, his arms locking around your waist to pull you into his lap. “Thank you.”

“I’m your girlfriend, Eddie,” you remind him. Though it’s just for show, it doesn't mean that you’re not going to act the way a proper girlfriend should. Defending your boyfriend from an asshole definitely fits the bill. “I’m not going to stand by and let someone talk about you like that.” 

“So I definitely heard that right?” Dustin, if you remember correctly, stares at you two. “You two are dating? Since when?” He shrieks. 

You freeze for a second, you hadn’t thought that through. 

“For a few months now,” Eddie offers, his thumb rubbing reassuring circles on your waist. “Her parents are pretty strict," he rests his chin on your shoulder, humming in contemplation, "so we’ve been keeping it quiet for a bit. But, she was ready to go public with it.” 

“Slapping Carver in front of the whole cafeteria is pretty public,” Jeff laughs, “and pretty sick!” He offers his fist to you. 

You can’t help but laugh, feeling welcome at their table as you reciprocate the fist bump. It’s actually really nice. 

“My girl doesn’t mess around,” Eddie turns, kissing your neck. 

Maybe you two should’ve gone over some boundaries. Because that felt a lot better than it should’ve and you two aren’t even technically together. But then you remember that everyone is supposed to believe this so that Jason and your parents leave you alone. If even anyone suspects it’s not and word gets out that this isn’t real- you shiver at the very thought. And the way Eddie said ‘my girl’ sent a whole different kind of tremor down your spine. 

What have you gotten yourself into?

—

Somehow you managed to survive the first two weeks of publicly “dating” Eddie. Jason for the most part has left you alone and you haven’t seen or heard from your parents either. It’s so freeing. It makes you wish that you had stuck to your guns when you guys had moved out of the trailer park and kept Eddie in your life. Even listening to them and doing everything they wanted, they still turned around and did the worst thing imaginable. So what else could they have really done if you’d stuck by Eddie’s side the whole time? 

It’s too late to know now, but at least you can make up for the lost time by being here now. Eddie doesn’t seem to mind it. The dinners you share while Wayne is at work. The hasty breakfasts the three of you share in the mornings before school. The weekends though, the weekends are your favorite. Because unless Corroded Coffin has a gig, you and Eddie just hang out at the trailer together. 

“What did you wanna do today?” You ask, flopping down on the couch beside Eddie and throwing your legs on his lap. 

Rubbing your exposed calves, he purses his lips, “I was thinking I should probably take you on a date.” Eddie leans his head on the backrest of the couch to look at you. “You’ve been living here for two weeks now. While it’s all good and well that we’ve been annoying the living hell out of Jason at school, you know how people in this town love to gossip.” 

“Okay,” you draw out the word, furrowing your brows. Not really understanding why Eddie is willingly wanting to be with you romantically outside of school. That would make this feel real. You’d definitely feel like you were using him if you did that. 

“If people see us walking around town together, I’m sure word would get back to your parents.” Eddie pats your leg, “Jason isn’t the only one we’re supposed to be convincing, right?” 

He’s got a point. If your parents get a whiff of this relationship’s fallacies, they’ll drag you back home kicking and screaming. “What’d you have in mind?” You ask, warming up to the idea quickly. 

“There’s a double-feature of Nightmare on Elm Street at the theater tonight,” he shrugs, tracing shapeless designs on your skin. “We could do that and then walk around town with ice cream or some shit. That’s a couple-y thing to do, right?” 

You smile brightly, basking in his shyness. “That sounds really nice, Eds,’ you nudge him with your foot. “Most girls would swoon over a date like that. Well, they’d fight for some romantic movie. But I’m so down for Freddy. When does it start?” 

“About an hour.” 

“I’ll go get ready!” You hop up from the couch, practically running out of the living room, leaving Eddie chuckling on the couch. 

“Thank you,” you hear Eddie say, grabbing your ice cream cones from the girl behind the window of the cute little ice cream shop in town. “M’Lady,” he offers you your chocolate peanut butter scoops, holding his now free hand out for you to hold while you walk back to the van. He’d left it parked by the theater so you could have the whole ‘experience’ of a date. Eddie is just as serious as you are about making this seem real.

He’d even apologized to you for the neck kiss and you sitting in his lap. Explaining to you that he’s a pretty tactile person, that he’s only acting how he would if he was actually dating someone. He was adamant in you telling him if he makes you uncomfortable- he doesn't. Your heart throbbed painfully in your chest that you’re keeping some girl from being in an amazing relationship with such a sweet guy. Even more so when there’s an even worse pang at the thought that you don’t have this for real for yourself either. That this thing you have going with Eddie is fake. 

There’s this small part of you wondering if this could be real. 

“Thanks,” you smile, taking his hand, licking the creamy goodness. Eddie laughs a little at you while you’re walking and eating your desserts. “What?” You ask, licking your lips. 

“You got a little-” Eddie gestures towards your face. A group of girls walk past you arm in arm and Eddie smiles, “here, let me.” He leans in and kisses you, tongue brushing along your bottom lip for the smallest of seconds. Enough to send a shiver down your spine that certainly can’t be explained by the ice cream when his mouth is so warm. “Better,” he grins again, dragging his thumb from the corner of your mouth. 

There’s a blush violently burning your cheeks as you blink rapidly. You don’t even know what to say, so you turn your head, biting away a smile and reclaiming his hand to walk down the road again. “Thank you for tonight,” you say, tossing your napkin in the trash as you pass it. “It-” you pause, thinking you heard someone call your name. Shaking it off you try again, “it was really nice. So, thank you.” 

“Of course,” he drops your hand to wrap his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to his side. Kissing the side of your head, Eddie says, “I’m glad you had a good time. Enough people are out tonight so-”

“Y/N!” 

You definitely heard it that time. Eddie did too. Whipping around, you see your parents stalking their way towards the two of you. Speak of the devil, right? “Fuck,” you curse under your breath, anxiety stowing only just at the protective way Eddie tightens his hold around you. 

“Say the word and we run, okay?” He whispers in your ear, "I've got you." 

All you can do is nod as your parents come to a halt in front of you. Your father barely even looking at you, his arms crossed tightly over his chest. Your mom on the other hand can’t decide who to set her daggers for eyes on, you or Eddie. 

“Mrs-”

“Don’t.” Your mother holds her finger up at him, “you don’t get to talk.”

“Excuse me?” You sputter out.

“And you,” she sets her fury on you now, “it’s time for you to come home young lady. Enough playing house with him,” you mom can’t even say his name, yet the word holds the same amount of venom. “This isn’t you. Please, just come home and all will be forgiven.” 

Anger boils inside of you. Not asking how you are or caring if you’re happy. Just more of them telling you that you’re ‘not yourself’ and you’re so over it. “Fuck that,” you snap. “I’m not going anywhere with you. My home is with Eddie. Yeah, he has a name, mom,” you lace the word with as much disdain as she’d offered him. Shocking her to her core not only from your language, but your behavior. Good. You finally feel like yourself.

“Then we’ll cut you off,” your dad’s stern voice cuts in. “See how long it takes you to come crawling back with no money.” 

“First of all,” you square your shoulders, “both Eddie and Wayne make money. Second,” you chuckle dryly, “you’re really going to love this. I went to the bank. I’m eighteen now in case you forgot. I transferred everything into my own account. That money is mine. But if it means more to you than your own daughter, I’ll gladly give it back. I can very easily get a job. I don’t need anything from you.” 

Your father puffs his chest, “listen here-”

“No, I think it’s time you listen,” Eddie cuts him off. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with her or how she chooses to live her life. She is fucking incredible! And there's definitely no thanks to you fucking assholes. She’s an adult and capable of making her own decisions. And unlike you, I’d never hurt her or force her to do something she doesn’t want to. You want to stay with me, right?” He looks over at you.

It’s rhetorical, you're almost certain. But you answer it anyway, “absolutely.” 

“There is it,” Eddie grins widely, opening his arms at your parents. “She’s made her choice.”

“Let’s get out of here,” you pull gently on Eddie’s jacket, trying to coax him away. Eddie death glares at your father, but starts moving with you, only turning once you’ve yanked a little harder. 

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Your father snaps, his hand grabbing your arm tight enough to hurt. 

You whip your head around to face him, seething, “let go of me.” Eddie looks furious, ready to punch him in the face and honestly, you’d probably let him. But that’s more of a scene than you’re willing to cause right now. You won’t let Eddie get in trouble over you. When your dad makes no move to let go of you, you say, “let me go or I’ll scream.” 

He drops your arm as though it’d burned him, whispering your name with hurt eyes. 

“Come on, princess,” Eddie’s arm curls back around your shoulders, keeping you close. No longer face to face with your parents, your chest tightens and your eyes burn. Not because you miss them, but all of your emotions have boiled over, demanding release through tears. “Wait just a minute more,” Eddie rubs his nose in your hair, “don’t give them the satisfaction.” He opens the passenger door for you and you crawl inside. 

The second he’s settled in his seat, the tears fall freely. “I’m sorry they said that to you,” you sob, chest constricting. 

“Why are you apologizing to me?” He stares at you wide eyed, speaking softly. “I should’ve punched him in the face for what he said to you, are you kidding?” Eddie reaches over, cupping your face and wiping your tears with his thumbs. “No one should talk about you like that. Especially not your parents.” 

“Can we just go home please?” You ask, hoping sheer willpower will make your tears cease. Your eyes already feel sore. 

“Of course,” he rubs your cheeks again, leaning closer to kiss your forehead. “Here,” Eddie pulls his leather jacket off, handing it to you, “you’re shaking.” 

You smile softly, sliding your arms through the sleeves, the scent of Eddie so close calming you down enough that the tears well up, but don’t fall. It’s one thing to defend Eddie from some dickhead jock like Jason. Watching him stand up for you to your own parents, treating you vastly better than they ever have? Heartwarming doesn’t even come close.

—

“Do you need anything?” Eddie asks after you’ve showered and are just sitting up in bed, he’s changed into sweats now and a faded Metallica shirt. 

“Not unless you have something that can make my mind be quiet long enough to let me sleep,” you answer, curling your legs to your chest and holding them. 

Eddie purses his lips, “I could roll us a joint,” he offers. “I usually smoke before going to sleep. It could help. Only if you want to.” 

“I’ve never smoked before,” you whisper, embarrassed by the fact that you’re ‘dating’ a drug dealer, yet have never done any yourself. “But I trust you,” you try to smile, but it falls flat. Still a little too upset over earlier. “I’m willing to try if you think it will help.” 

“Best sleep you’ve had in a while,” Eddie smiles, walking over to his dresser, grabbing a wooden box from the drawer. “Are you sure?” He asks one more time, sitting down beside you, “I don’t want you to think I’m pressuring you or anything.” 

“You’re not,” your smile is genuine this time, “I’m sure.” You stare at his fingers while Eddie pinches the weed into the thin paper. If you weren’t so upset, your brain would probably short circuit at the way his tongue glides along the edge. That shouldn’t be allowed to look like that. 

After he takes two puffs of his own, he hands the joint to you, blowing the smoke out. “You might want to take small hits,” Eddie suggests when you bring the rolled paper to your lips. “Small hits,” he repeats, hopping up from the bed, “I’m gonna get us a drink real quick. Small,” Eddie enunciates. 

You don’t really know what’s considered a small hit, so you inhale maybe halfway, doing your best to hold the smoke in your lungs before letting it out. A cough bubbles in your chest that burns nearly as much as the weed. Eddie comes back just in time with a can of soda for you. Cracking it open with a fond smile on his lips, he tosses some snacks on the bed beside you. “Not as bad as I thought,” you say after taking a sip. You take another hit, handing it back to Eddie once he’s seated. 

“Are you going to be okay?” He asks, squinting around the smoke trying to go in his eyes. 

With a heavy sigh, you prop yourself on the wall beside the bed, “I think so? I’m not even sure why I cried to be honest. They suck and I don’t know why I expected them to react any differently than that. I’m more angry about the way they treated you.” You take the joint back from him, Eddie scooting over until your thighs and arms are pressed together. Pulling the smoke into your lungs, you appreciate it not burning as badly as the first time around. Enough to take a bigger hit, “this is definitely helping. So are you,” you whisper. 

Eddie nudges you with his arm, “happy to help. You’re my best friend and I’m always going to be here to take care of you. Until you get sick of me that is,” he teases.

Laughter bubbles in your chest, your cheeks hurting from how much you're smiling. Whether that’s the weed or just Eddie in general doesn’t really matter to you. “Aww,” you coo, absolutely certain that your newfound confidence is from the drug, “I don’t think I could get sick of you, Eddie.” You tell him, playing with a lock of his hair, surprised when he doesn’t tell you to stop. “I’m really grateful for everything you’re doing. And I meant it, I don’t expect you and Wayne to take care of me for free. I’ll get a job if it comes down to it.” 

“Please,” he snickers, handing the roach to you to finish off, “Wayne is overjoyed that you’re here.” Eddie wraps his arm around your shoulder and you tuck your head into his neck. “If there was mention of you leaving, he’d probably pay you to stay. He really did miss having you around. I think he secretly always wanted a daughter.” He takes the almost burnt paper and places it in the ashtray by the bed. 

“But he got the metal head outcast with a heart of gold instead,” you smile though he can’t see it. “Just-” you huff a small breath, “thank you, Eddie. For everything.” 

Eddie kisses the side of your head, “of course, princess.” Too high to care, you giggle at the name shooting warmth throughout your system, but it’s broken off with a loud yawn. “Looks like I’ve done my job,” he chuckles softly, “I’ll let you get some sleep.”

You lay down on the pillow, pulling the blanket over you, but when Eddie tries to get up, you reach out and grab his hand. “Eddie?” 

“Yeah?” He whispers, soft eyes looking over your tired face. 

“Could you-” you swallow the barrier in your throat in the form of nerves. “Will you stay with me? I don’t really want to be alone right now,” your voice barely above a whisper. 

Eddie smiles softly, his thumb brushing along your knuckles, “yeah. Yeah, I can do that.” He lets go of your hand so you can move over to give him some room to lay down beside you. The moment his back touches the bed, you curl up to him, resting your head on his chest. A contented sigh sounding off listening to his heartbeat in your ear, along with a dopey smile on your face. “Better?” He teases, though his arms wrap around you, one hand rubbing your back while the other plays with your hair. 

“Thank you,” you mumble, already falling asleep. 

—

Controlling your emotions seems to get harder and harder the longer this plays out. Having Eddie back in your life is honestly the best thing that’s ever happened to you. And you couldn’t be more grateful for him. Not just for having him as your best friend again. But over the last month and half, your heart thought it would be a really good idea to evacuate your chest and take home inside his. Graduation was supposed to be the light at the end of the tunnel. Now it just seems like an ominous deadline.

The day you lose Eddie. 

You’re far from ready for that. In fact, being with Eddie, actually being with Eddie, doesn’t seem like all that bad of an idea. But this was supposed to be temporary, even for him. How in the hell are you supposed to propose that? It’s not like Eddie has shown you any hint that he’d want this to be anything but an act. At home, he’s just your friend. Aside from getting high together, he sleeps on the couch so that you can have the bed. 

What you should be focusing on is the book in your hands while the group plays through their session. But your eyes keep trailing back to the head of the table. Eddie, Dungeon Master himself, sitting on his throne while having the time of his life. He truly is a novelty to watch like this. Carefree and enjoying himself. It’s amazing. 

“NO!” Dustin yells, startling Pet Semetery right out of your hands. 

Usually you’re better at not jumping from their antics, but the teen does not sound happy. Meanwhile Eddie is cackling and knocks a piece off the board. Flicking your eyes around the table, you notice it was the last piece standing aside from the one indicating the monster the group had been fighting. They lost. 

“Another ruthless, unbeatable campaign?” You muse, looking at your thrilled ‘boyfriend’ while everyone gathers their things to leave.

“Always, princess,” Eddie bounds over to you, leaning on the armrests of your chair, “always.” The doors close, leaving you two alone. “Don’t act like you didn’t help.” 

Narrowing your eyes playfully, you look up at him, “yeah, I thought they’d at least have a chance though.” 

“You’re far too devious for anyone to stand a chance,” Eddie closes the distance and kisses you. 

Instinct and pure want for him, you kiss back for a moment. Pulling away with immense effort, speaking with a small voice, “no one’s here, Eds,” you whisper. “You don’t have to act like you want to kiss me,” you say, trying to gauge how he might feel about the situation. He just kissed you after you both heard the doors close. But you also don’t want to get your hopes up too high either. That there could be a reality where Eddie wants to be with you for real too. 

“Yeah,” he clears his throat, his face unreadable, “you’re right. Sorry,” he clears his throat again, “let’s go home.” 

When you grab your book and stand up, Eddie heads for the door, keeping a step or two of distance between you. Is this just how he would act if you guys weren’t pretending to be together? Because when you’re alone, he’s not this cold. Silent. Or did what you say upset him?

Even when you make it to his van and he opens the door for you and you mutter, “thanks,” all Eddie does is offer a pinched smile. 

His silence continues the entire drive home. Eddie doesn’t even sing along to the music he plays. Nor does he drum his hands on the steering wheel. It’s putting you on edge and you want to say something so badly. But you also don’t want to risk actually pissing him off either. So, you follow his lead. Not saying a word while he drives you both home. 

Things don’t get much brighter from then on either. Eddie follows you into the bedroom, grabs his acoustic guitar, and goes right back into the living room. You are absolutely not going to sit in bed and cry about change in behavior. Not at all. You’re going to do it in the shower so there’s no chance of Eddie hearing you, like a smart person. 

Smart, right. 

If you were so smart you’d tell Eddie how you really feel. 

—

“Are you coming to band practice today?” Eddie asks you while you’re putting some mascara on in the bathroom. “You don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” he scratches the back of his head, “the guys do love it when you come though.” 

“Just the guys?” The teased question spills from your lips before you’d even had a chance to filter them out. But it’s out in the air now.

Eddie grins for the smallest of seconds, “I like when you watch us too. You actually give us honest opinions. Will you come?” 

“Can you give me two more minutes?” You ask, waving the mascara brush around, “I’m almost done.” 

“Take your time,” he smiles, jabbing a thumb over his shoulder, “I’ll be out in the van.” 

Quickly, you finish your makeup and go back into the room to get your shoes on. Not wanting to wear a bra, you find one of Eddie’s hoodies and throw it on over your thin shirt. You’ve never seen him wear it, but his spicy cologne rests on the fabric. You allow yourself a moment to bring to sleeves that barely let your fingers peek out of it to your nose to breathe him in. The cologne, the smoke, the very essence of Eddie. Pretending that his arms are wrapped around you instead of his clothes. 

Not wanting to take too long, you snatch the book off the bed and run out the trailer to meet Eddie in the van. 

You sit through the covers of Iron Maiden and Motley Crue while you read your book. They’re actually really good and you do enjoy listening to them. It’s always nice to see Eddie in his element. Happy and perfectly himself. It isn’t until he mentions something about playing a new one that you start to pay attention a little more. It’s different from what they usually play, and has to be an original because you don’t recognize it either and can’t imagine any other voice than Eddie’s singing it. 

Then the chorus hits, and they have your full attention.

“So if you wanna piss off your parents, date me to scare them, show them you’re all grown up,” Eddie sings, his words the night you ran to him echoing in your head alongside the lyrics. “If long hair and tattoos are what attract you, baby, then you’re in luck.” 

Eddie wrote a song about you. Eddie wrote a fucking song about you! But your eyebrows furrow, because it doesn’t sound all that nice, to be honest. Like he’s letting his frustration out through it. You told him you didn’t care about what your parents thought, assuming that was just the incentive for him going through with this.

“You know, I’m broke, so you pulled out your Daddy’s card,” he continues with the song. The memory of you two grocery shopping together flickering in your brain. 

You had wanted to make dinner for him one night as a thank you, but couldn’t find much in his kitchen. He’d told you Wayne didn’t get paid until the weekend and that all his money from dealing went to take out. You promptly dragged him to the store and bought enough food to stock the entire kitchen. Yes, you even made sure he- and you when you chose to partake- had plenty of munchies around too. 

“Should’ve seen this coming from a mile away,” Eddie hasn’t looked at you once the entire time he sings. The rest of the guys just seem to be jamming out. Except Gareth, his face starts to twist, something mixed with confusion and understanding, his drumsticks almost falter. “I’ll play your game. I know what you want from me.” 

But this- this isn’t a game to you. Eddie isn’t a game to you. In its bones, it’s a great song. But your eyes are burning. Blurring with tears as the song goes on. Every lyric a knife to your heart. 

“And I know it’s just a phase, you’re not in love with me,” Eddie finally looks at you as a tear falls from your eye. You quickly wipe it away, seeing the same pain reflected in his big, brown eyes. “And I know it’s just a phase, you’re not in love with me. You wanna piss off your parents, baby. Piss off your parents, that’s alright with me.” 

The song ends and you hastily wipe the rest of your tears away, ducking your head back into your book so the rest of the guys don’t notice them. It’s bad enough that Eddie saw them. You knew you should’ve said something to him last night when he kissed you. You fucking knew it. And now you’ve hurt him. Hurt Eddie enough that he wrote a song to express himself. You feel like the biggest jerk there is. 

—

Something told you that you needed to drive yourself to school today. Eddie didn’t question it. You guys had another silent night at home. Didn’t talk about the song or confess your love to him. But you did decide that you will be doing that today. You just needed to have a moment to sort the words in your head into cohesive sentences. 

Then lunch rolled around and Eddie mentioned he’d be meeting Jason in the woods after school to sell to him. That sounded really fucking weird to you, he just waved off your concerns. But you also heard about Chrissy buying from Eddie too, so you didn’t think anything of it if he didn’t either. It wasn’t until you were walking to your last class that you happened to pass Jason in the halls talking to his friends about how they were going to jump Eddie when they met up that it all made sense. 

Why you wanted to bring your car. Why the whole concept of Jason buying drugs didn’t sit right with you. You skipped your last class to wait near the spot they’d meet. Your baseball bat sitting in your passenger seat. You’re not about to just let Jason hurt Eddie. But you’re also not an idiot. You watch from your hiding spot while Eddie sits on the bench waiting for the unknown threat to show up. 

He can take care of himself against Jason, that’s been proven. But you don’t want to see what would happen if it was three or more guys. When Jason first shows up with three other guys whose names you could care less to remember, your nerves light up. Eddie’s too because he rises from the picnic bench with his arms raised. Grabbing your bat, you get out of the car, careful to stay out of view. 

Inching closer, Jason’s voice finally makes it through, “she’d never actually want to be with a freak like you. No way. She wants to be with me, just like her parents want her to. Maybe if you let her go, we won’t hurt you.” 

Yeah, fuck that. Clenching your hand around the bat, you step into view, “back off, Carver,” you command. Swaying the wood back and forth. “I warned you once already.” 

“Princess,” Eddie warns, but you don’t want to hear it. He might have pieced together why Jason is here, but you’re not backing down. Never again. Not since the moment you stepped foot in his trailer what feels like ages ago.

“Can’t you see he’s corrupting you? Just come with me so that I can take care of you,” Jason yells back, looking honest to god perplexed. “This isn’t you. He’s messing with your head.” 

“He’s letting me live!” You shout, tired of everyone trying to tell you what’s best for you. Like you’re incapable of figuring that out for yourself. One thing’s for certain, it isn’t fucking Jason. And it isn’t your fucking parents either. “He takes care of me better than anyone else ever has! Eddie makes me happy!” 

“Aww, princess,” Eddie coos softly, making your heart swell. 

“Don’t make me say it again, Carver,” you swing the back at your side again.

“Grab him!” Jason snaps and two of the guys grab each of Eddie’s arms, pinning them behind his back. You hadn’t even noticed they were getting closer to him, you were so focused on making sure Jason didn’t do something stupid. Eddie struggles in their grip, loosening their hold, only to be forced still. 

Looks like Jason did do something stupid afterall. “I warned you, Jason,” you spit, swinging the bat, hitting him in the face with a satisfying thwack. He stumbles to the dirt, clutching his split, bleeding cheek. The remaining jock, not holding Eddie, helps Jason to his feet. Whipping your head to the others, “let. Him. Go,” you growl while Eddie stares at you with literal heart eyes. The boys keep their hold, flicking their gaze to their captain who's whining. Good. “Fine,” you huff, swinging the bat again, connecting with one of their legs. 

Eddie stumbles as they release him, the one you’d hit falling to the forest floor, yelling in pain. His partner in crime helps him up and you aim your bat again, a crystal clear warning. One that even Jason pays attention to and all four jocks limp away. Once they’re out of view, the bat thumps to the ground and you face Eddie. 

“Are you crazy?” He asks, pulling you close, staring in your eyes waiting for an answer.

“Don’t ever tell me again that I don’t love you, Eddie Munson, do you understand me,” you rush out, crashing your lips to his. A soft moan combined with an absolute sigh of relief pushes past your lips when he holds you tighter, pulls you even closer, and returns the kiss. 

“Why would you do that?” He breaks the kiss, holding you by the small of your back. “Where did you even get a bat from?” 

“That dick led you out here just to jump you. I heard him in the halls. I wasn’t going to just let him,” you roll your eyes, brushing his bangs from his eyes. “I told you it felt weird.” 

“And the bat?” Eddie repeats, looking where it's laying on the ground. 

“I’m a girl in a small town,” you state like it should be obvious. “It’s called self defense.” 

He snorts, “hot.” You playfully punch his chest, making him laugh. He quickly grabs your hand, bringing it to his mouth to kiss our knuckles. “So, I make you happy, huh?” Eddie grins slyly, cocking an eyebrow at you. 

“Very,” you smile back, leaning in to kiss him again. Hard. Pressing into him until he’s backed against a tree, groaning into your mouth. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for weeks,” you admit, pulling at his bottom lip with your teeth. Lovingly swiping it with your tongue at his hiss from the action. 

Suddenly your back is against the tree and Eddie’s hips are digging into yours, the bulge in his jeans leaving nothing to the imagination as to whether or not he’s believing and enjoying your words. “I told you I wanted to marry you when we were kids,” he rasps in the small space between your mouths. “You coming to me soaked and asking for help, even as a ploy I’d accept it if it meant you being in my life again. I never stopped wanting you, princess. Ever.” 

“Good,” you reply, claiming his mouth again, Eddie’s hands gripping your hips. You moan when he kisses down your neck, biting at the crook and your eyes roll back. “Eddie,” you whine, trying to spread your legs for more friction. He shifts, his thigh pressing between your legs, rubbing beautifully against your clothed pussy. It’s not enough and you whine again, “Eddie, please.” Every pent up feeling you’ve had for the last month ready to burst at the seams. 

He chuckles against what’s surely a purple mark on your neck, “right here?” Eddie teases, licking your abused flesh, nipping his way back up. “Can’t let me take you home first?”

“No,” you say once his blown, brown eyes fall on your face, “I can’t. I need you, Eddie, please,” you gasp. Breathing becomes harder the longer his thigh digs into you, sparking flames deep in your core. 

“Right here in the woods, huh?” He asks, a shit eating grin plastered on his face. “Maybe Jason was right,” Eddie chuckles, cupping you where it aches, “maybe I did corrupt you.” 

“Good,” you moan, grinding against his hand, “I’m yours to corrupt, Eddie.”

Eddie’s eyes darken further, pupils widening and getting hazy, “that’s my girl.” His fingers undo your button and zipper before yanking you to him, pulling you back towards the picnic table. Pushing you down face first onto the wooden surface, he drags your pants and underwear down in one swift motion. “Look at you,” he tries to coo, but it’s so full of lust that it’s raspy and thick, “so wet for me already, princess.” Eddie kisses your spine, making you shiver, “last chance,” his hands rub your ass. 

“Please,” you croak, eyes burning, needing him inside of you right now. Groaning a guttural, “fuck,” when his tongue dips inside your dripping cunt. “Eddie,” you gasp, him eating you out better than you’ve ever felt before. The long licks and the way he pushes his tongue as far as it will go to tease at your clit. It’s intoxicating and before you can beg for more, two fingers push inside you and you keen. Hips bucking at the pressure against the bundle of nerves deep inside. 

Your moans turn to a mewl, Eddie nipping at the back of your thighs, his hand cracking over your ass. The sting shoots white hot jolts of electricity through you, an orgasm beginning to warm you from the inside out at a startling rate. Kissing your ass, you feel Eddie smile, “you taste so fucking good princess. So fucking good. God,” he groans, “and you’re all fucking mine. Aren’t you?” His fingers move faster and all you can do is moan and nod, thighs shaking with the need to come. “Aren’t you?” Eddie repeats with another slap to your ass, wanting an actual answer. 

Like he isn’t taking away your ability to form proper thoughts let alone understandable words. Huffing your breath, trying desperately to speak, “y-yes, yours,” your gasp, his tongue joining his fingers, flying you over the edge. Wave after beautiful wave slamming into you in quick succession. Had Eddie not had his fingers inside of you, you’d have slumped right off the table. “I’m yours, Eddie,” you groan when he removes his fingers, half hearing him undo his own belt and the slide of his pants. 

“Good girl,” he soothes the spot he’d smacked with loving strokes of his palm, spitting into his other hand. A whine escapes your lips feeling the head of his cock glide against your pussy. “Ready, princess?” Eddie asks, tapping your cunt with his dick. You think you say yes, you’re almost certain the word came out of your mouth. All you really care about is that Eddie heard your consent and his dick slams into you completely. “Fuck, you’re so tight, baby.” 

A groan shifts to a whine when he slowly drags himself out of you to the tip, sliding back at the same pace. “Eddie,” you whine again, trying to push your hips back to make him move faster. The heat in your core burns at a dizzying rate from the surprising intensity of the leisurely roll of his hips. But his grip on you is sure, you’re completely at his mercy.

“Look at that,” he gasps out, doing it over and over. You can only imagine that he’s just watching himself disappear inside of you and enjoying it immensely. “So pretty,” Eddie moans, thrusting harder, but only just. Still pulling out till just the tip of his cock is left inside you and ramming himself forward. The pace punches moans from your chest and has your eyes roll back with every deliberate jab to that sweet spot. 

“Ed- fuck!” You cry out, his control of teasing you or keeping up with his own pleasure snaps along with his hips. Eddie holds your hips hard and rails into you harder. Thrusting with abandon and the coil inside of you winds tightly. Threatening to break at any given moment. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you moan repeatedly, eyes blurring with lust. 

Eddie fists his hand in the back of your hair, yanking you up to his chest, “that’s right, let it all out, princess.” He wraps a hand around your middle, trailing his fingers down to circle around your clit. “I wanna hear how good I make you feel,” Eddie bites at your neck, sucking what has to be a constellation of marks on your skin, his thrusts not once faltering. “Come for me, pretty girl.” 

His words, his hands, his cock, him. Eddie flies you right over the edge of your orgasm. The coil snapping so hard you feel your pussy spasm around him and do something it’s never done before, even when you’ve played with yourself. You cry out, screaming a moaned, “Eddie,” as your cunt gushes around him. A tear falls from your eye, overwhelmed with sensation but Eddie holds you close, keeping you grounded with an orgasm infused smile on your face. 

He doesn’t gentle you through it, his fingers never ceasing their toying with your clit, “you’re gonna come for me again,” Eddie moans in your ear. You’re nearly overstimulated, but oh so addicted to the feeling of his dick inside of you that you couldn’t care less. You’d come as many times as he’d get you to. “Then I’m gonna come inside my pussy, understand?” 

“Please, please Eddie, fuck,” you moan, your cunt clenching around him with a vice grip. You want to meet his thrusts, but you’re too lost in the perfect pace he’s set that you hadn’t even noticed the all too familiar tingle creeping up on you. Thighs shaking, you hold his arm, the hand in your hair snaking around to a light hold on your throat. Another grunted moan in your ear from Eddie is all it took for you to fall apart again. A breathless scream as your pussy squirts around his cock once more. 

“That’s my girl,” Eddie’s grip tightens around your throat. His fingers finally leave your sensitive clit alone to hold you steady, thrusting a few more times until he shoves himself inside. Eddie lets out a moan, spilling himself deep inside, warming you from the inside out. “Fucking hell, I love you,” he pants, peppering your neck with sweet kisses. He carefully helps you back onto the table top, your hands propping you because your legs are far from stable. 

Your mind is blissfully quiet, only caring about being in the moment with Eddie. You’ll deal with the thought of doing this in the middle of the woods later. Right now, you just want him. Eddie pulls out from your sore pussy as gently as he can and gingerly pulls your pants back up. Kind of pointless considering they’re pretty much instantly soaked from his come leaking out of you. But that’s okay too, you like the feeling. You turn to face him, finding he’s already got his pants pulled up too. 

Reaching out to hug him, Eddie does you one better, scooping you up into his arms in a bridal carry. “You okay, princess?” He asks, kissing the top of your head when you tuck into his neck. 

“I’m okay. Some water would be great right now though,” you mumble, the pure scent of Eddie mixing with the woods around you is better than any aromatherapy out there. “And food. God, and a bath.” 

Eddie chuckles, bending to grab your bat from the ground, “good thing I have a cooler and some snacks in the van. Think that’ll be enough till we get home and I can make you something?” 

“‘S perfect, Eds,” you smile against his skin, curling your fingers in the ends of his hair as he carries you to his van. “Will my car be okay?” 

“I’ll have Gareth or Jeff come get it for you.” Eddie stops in his tracks, “uh,” he chuckles. “Do we need to stop at the pharmacy?” 

Lifting your tired head, you ask, ”why,” heavy lidded eyes barely focusing on him. 

“We didn’t use a condom,” he states, “and I definitely didn’t pull out.” 

You laugh, thumping your head back into his neck, “Eddie, my parents controlled every aspect of my life, you really think they wouldn’t put me on the pill?” You resume playing with his hair and he begins walking again. “I would’ve stopped you otherwise,” tugging his hair lightly you giggle, “it’s more than okay, Eddie. Just get me home so we can eat and take a bath together.”

“Coming right up, princess,” his smile is evident in his tone and he kisses your hair again. 

Part 2

[astroismypassion]

Astrology observations 🦩🦩🦩

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

🦩Aries Moon or Scorpio Moon in a woman’s natal chart: can be tricky, because you can end up being frustrated like “I can never win (on my own), do I?”. Other people (the public, but even your own family members) will define you based on men in your life. Your dad and the partner you end up dating. You will feel like men in your life (even those you end up dating) define you too much. To the point you dating them overshadows your actual accomplishments.

🦩If you have Gemini Moon or Gemini IC: living with your romantic partner, spouse will actually drain you and your energy quite a bit. 😬 I think it’s wise to fully think through maybe even having your own space, another apartment where you can have your own alone time or even choosing an option to NOT move in together, but just hanging out in the other’s home or have “sleepovers”. Because sometimes for example, both partners have their own specifics, meaning one likes higher temperature in the bedroom than the other etc.

🦩Gemini Moon or Gemini IC is also the type to consider separate beds or bedrooms.

🦩Another synastry/compatibility hack/tip that I’ve learnt: you will likely see someone’s natal Moon sign as the house that their Moon falls in yours. For example: the person has Cancer Moon in their own natal chart. In your natal chart their Moon falls into your 8th house, so you might perceive their emotions more like that of Scorpio Moon in the natal chart. If it’s a man with natal Cancer Moon, you’d think they really want to settle down and start a family unit. But since they fall in your 8th house, you see them more as a natal Scorpio Moon. There will actually be a reluctant energy to settle down. You might end up seeing them as a forever bachelor, lone wolf type despite having a natal Cancer Moon in their own chart.

🦩Despite the contrary, Leo Moon might actually be the less known sibling. Usually their sibling is the famous one or the well-known one. BUT Leo Moon plays a crucial part in their well-known sibling’s life. They might have financially supported them at some point until they figured things out. But Leo Moon will always feel very proud of their sibling. And the sibling will be forever loyal to Leo Moon.

🦩Having Sagittarius and Pisces Moon also shows you might have a partner/spouse with an age difference, not only Capricorn Moon!

🦩Virgo North Node quite often makes a diet change (going vegan for example) not so much for personal beliefs, but because they battled with a chronic health issue in the past. So it’s not just a trendy lifestyle change for them, but because they suffered so much physical, chronic pain and a health condition.

🦩Scorpio Mercury can overuse or even become addicted to the internet and social media more than Pisces Mercury actually.

🦩Gemini Chiron feels self-conscious that what they do as a job is not really a job. And they hate 9 to 5 jobs.

🦩If you have MC in the 11th house in the whole signs system natal chart, you will most likely do social media or use it a lot for/in your career.

🦩If you have Mercury square/opposition Uranus how others think, do or thank about you absolutely doesn’t get to you or affect you.

🦩Ruler of the 4th house in the 2nd house: you might get jealous of other’s families.

🦩Uranus in the 2nd house in a woman’s chart: the roles can be switched when you are dating/in a relationship. You might randomly spend huge amount on your partner. And how you show your love is “volatile”.

🦩Capricorn over the 2nd house or Saturn in the 2nd house can be “broke” for around 10 years or until their first Saturn Return. But let me explain. Until the age of 30 they live with very little money, it’s not like they don’t have any, they are able to go by with little. Most of it goes towards essential expenses (pay for rent, food etc.) and usually those expenses are higher than what they are making salary wise, so there is little chance for savings. But after first Saturn Return, they really come into their financial stability and are able to grow, build more and lay further foundation, growing their savings too. So don’t get discouraged, things get more stable for you!

🦩Scorpio Juno might not like to have children with their partner, spouse. Because they feel like it takes away their partner’s attention from them and that they become too preoccupied with children.

🦩Sagittarius Moon has a fascination with blades and samurai.

🦩You might often get period after an end of a Moon cycle through your houses. Often when Moon is transiting your 1st house.

🦩You know how Gemini Moons can see their mother as weird? Well, prepare for Pisces Moons, because these natives see their mother as equally weird as Gemini Moon do.

🦩If you have Neptune in the 2nd house, Neptune in the 2nd house you like to watch and listen to those “how to make money based on your natal chart” videos on Youtube or Tiktok. 😂

🦩Virgo Moon and Mars don’t like to be touched (hugged, hand holding etc.), if it’s not known in advance, they like to be somehow “informed” on it or that is somehow planned. Because when it’s spontaneous, it can get too awkward too quickly for them. I think with them in particular is best to be verbal and just announce what you are about to do, like “Do you mind if we hold hands?” or “Can I give you a hug?”. It really eases the tension and nervous energy in them.

🦩I know that for jobs we are always looking at the sign and planets in the 6th house, but honestly check your 2nd house along with that. It shows where your main salary, income will come from, from which field (like Uranus in the 2nd house: crypto, tech job, social work etc.). Look at it also like the themes of your jobs. Neptune in the 2nd house: a creative job, humanitarian, helping or healing other people through food and so forth.

🦩Venus in the 6th house: you tip waiters, baristas etc. and always smile at them and thank them kindly.

🦩If you have Pisces Mercury or Mercury Neptune aspects you feel like you are not showing the real self to the world out of fear of being exploited. You might therefore get a new name once under spotlight that would separate the persona from your authentic self.

Credit goes to @astroismypassion

[killuaisaprincess]

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[gorgeouslypink]

A lot of you are sabatoging yourselves in your void journey and it's time to take responsibility. I'm going to break it down into different ways you're sabatoging yourself and what you need to do to stop but the first step is to accept that. The truth is if you haven't entered the void, you sabatoged yourself into not entering it. It is your fault. You're sabatoging yourself.

Using void methods that are incompatible with you.

I had someone send me an ask about how they were using a subliminal to wake up in the void but they didn't really believe in subliminals. Sighs. Guys, if you don't even believe in subliminals, why are you sabatoging yourself by using a subliminal to enter the void? Obviously, it's not going to work.

Both the methods I shared in my post require a lot of patience and persistence. It's not going to be ideal/compatible for everyone. If you're sending me asks about how you fall asleep while trying my methods or your house is too loud for you to meditate, did it ever occur to you that maybe my methods just aren't compatible with you and you should try a different method? If you're using a method that is clearly not compatible with you, you're just sabatoging yourself and that's the truth.

There are so many methods to enter the void. Take some time to really think about yourself. These are the two main concerns: compatibility and belief. The only person who knows you the best is you. Which methods are acctually compatible with you? Do you believe that method acctually works?

Also guys, there are methods in theory that might work but aren't compatible with you in reality. I have been meditating since forever so I naturally chose methods that utilized meditating. In theory, meditating with alpha waves works for me but I never did enter with that, despite getting close. The thing that worked was using another method that utilized meditating. Why I'm mentioning this is if something hasn't been working for you, even if logically it makes sense that it should work, it might not be compatible for you and you might want to switch it up. But obviously I don't know the situation and this is something you have to decide on your own.

0% effort

The number of asks I get saying they believe in the void but just don't have the motivation to try and to give them motivation. If you're read my success story, you know I went through a period of time like this. It's time for the cold, hard truth. You're not lacking motivation, you're just a lazy bum.

You literally hold the method that can allow you to manifest instantly anything you desire. What do you mean "I need motivation"? If you really need motivation to get your desire, you don't really want it. Be real with yourself, stop wasting your time reading about the void, and get a new hobby.

But for real, how do you not see you're sabatoging yourself? Instead of asking blogs for motivation (which is never going to help because the 100+ other motivational posts on tumblr didn't work for you so why would this particular one) do this instead.

Think about how long you've known about the void. And how many times have you attempted? And what have you been doing in the meantime? Are you proud of yourself? Think about the desires that would have already came into fruition if you weren't so lazy. Think about the state of your desires because you decided to be lazy. For example, if you're manifesting your desired face, go stare in the mirror. That face you're seeing could have been your desired but it's not. And you know whose fault that is? It's yours. Do this with every single desire. Tell yourself the truth. You're sabatoging yourself and you have no one else to blame except for you.

50% effort.

This is for the type of asks that tell me "I affirmed for 20 minutes and felt symptoms but didn't get in. What am I doing wrong? " Love, you felt symptoms and stopped. You stopped halfway. This is like getting a double sided test, finishing the front and stopping, and then wondering why you failed the test. How do you not see the reason you didn't get in is because you sabatoged yourself by stopping halfway?

This doesn't just apply to meditating methods by the way. Any method. If you're only seeing it half way through, you're not going to enter. Stop sabatoging yourself and see the method through fully.

Letting failure define you.

If you let failure define you, you're going to be a failure forever. I get it. It sucks. You affirmed that the void was easy for a month, you did the 10k challenge, etc but you failed to enter and you feel like trash. But you can't let that define you. You need to move on.

Revise it. If you don't want to revise, assess what went wrong and what you can do next. Stop letting failure define you because you're just sabatoging yourself if you do so. Think about why you failed and how to stop failing. Don't scroll on tumblr waiting for a magical post to tell you. Sit down and think about it on your own. You either use your failed void attempt to help you enter the void or you stay a failure. Your choice.

Expecting your void experience to take exactly as long as someone else's.

Just because someone entered the void in 15 minutes doesn't mean you're going to too. You might enter it even less or it might take you 2 hours. But some of you refuse to accept that, affirm for the void for 15 minutes, give up, and complain.

I genuinely wish I hadn't written how long it took me to enter the void because of these type of people. There's a reason the youtube channel that released the video I used ended up releasing a 3 hour long version. Some people take even longer than an hour to enter sleep paralysis. It's different for every person. Stop sabatoging yourself by thinking it'll take you the same time someone else did!

Closing thoughts

Sorry this is so long 😭 and double sorry if you read this and this didn't even apply to you 😅. I know some of you are genuinely progressing along your void journey and this was not meant for you. However, if this does apply to you, please don't just like this and then continue sabatoging yourself. Take some time to really think about yourself and your void journey. The only person who's sabatoging you is you and the only person who can help you is you. I believe in you ❤

[cacoetheswriting]

for reasons known

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader word count: 2k warnings: 18+ !! minors dni: pure smut although pretty soft and fluffy, oral (female receiving), safe / protected sex, light praise kink, dirty talk, use of pet names, (pretty girl, baby), adult language, a lil self-doubt at the start - pls let me know if i missed anything! also, this is borderline unedited... summary: eddie has fallen head over heels, and he will show you just how much he adores everything about you.

a/n: happy smutty tuesday!! this is technically a part two to this little fic, but can definitely be read as a smutty stand alone. enjoy!

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Eddie Munson did not consider himself a lucky guy. 

On the contrary, oftentimes throughout his life he referred to himself as the ‘unluckiest son of a bitch on the planet’. Which is why, from a very young age, Eddie was a firm believer in creating his own luck.

Although, even as a kid he was quite self-aware, and he knew that luck did not equate happiness.

A person could not simply make themselves happy just because they wanted to. Like seriously, if that was something people could do, thousands upon thousands of psychologists and psychiatrists alike would be out of work.

Therefore, also from a very young age, Eddie figured happiness was a virtue not available to people like him.

And the curly haired boy carried that belief around until you strutted into his life and slapped him with it — metaphorically speaking.

Jesus Christ, those first couple of months after Eddie came to terms with how he truly felt about you were nothing short of fucking perfect.

Sure, he still had days when his big stupid brain would not offer a moment of peace and he found himself over thinking every single little thing. But you could read him like a book and were always more than willing to listen to his doubts before quickly squashing them with a simple: ‘I’m not going anywhere.’ or ‘No one’s ever made me feel the way you do, Eddie Munson’.

It was scary, how much you knew him. It was also scary how much he fucking adored you.

Yet, despite the fear, the metalhead promised he would show you just how much for as long as you would have him, (which he often hoped would be forever).

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful.”

The statement causes you to adjust your position slightly, and still resting on his chest, you lift your head to meet his gaze.

“You were looking at the back of my head, Eds.”

He chuckles lightly at your reply. “Well, the back of your head is beautiful, baby,” Eddie affirms, “Honestly, just all of you. I swear on my life.”

He crosses his heart and you lean in and peck him on the lips, smiling sweetly at his words.

“Don’t you think swearing on your life is a tad dramatic?” 

Eddie’s hand gently closes around your jaw in response. Without saying anything, he’s pulling you in for another kiss. He then kisses your nose, your eyes, each of your cheeks, and your forehead. Using his free hand, he proceeds to move your hair aside and kisses your ears, then down your neck, before kissing you back on the mouth.

“All of you,” Eddie repeats in a mere whisper and his lips brush against yours again, only this time with a little more fervor. 

One hand is still cupping your face, while the other reaches for your arm. He trails his fingertips brushing against your skin, downwards, until he reaches your waist and lifts the hem of your tank top just a little bit. 

Lips still locked together, you shiver under his touch. Or rather the cool of his metal rings.

Slowly, Eddie slid the shirt up, exposing your stomach, and further still until he reached the bottom of your bra. He pulls back for a brief second, as if to ask whether it was okay to keep going. Your heart flutters because he’s always so fucking respectful and answer his unspoken question by sitting up in your spot to pull the tank top over your head before tossing it aside.

Laying back, you grab Eddie by the hem of his vintage t-shirt and pull him in towards you once more. He takes a second, admiring the view, and leans down to kiss along your jawline as his hands rub over your breasts. It doesn't take long for your nipples to perk up through her bra and Eddie’s caress becomes rougher at that very moment. 

Eddie can hear you sighing quietly as he works his lips, and his tongue, along your collarbone. He teases you a little by venturing southward then right back up and you whine underneath him, causing his dick to twitch inside his jeans. Fuck. He couldn’t wait any longer. He wanted to feel your nipples stiffen in his mouth. 

He unclasps your bra and removes it with ease before once again taking a second to take all of you in. 

“So fucking beautiful,” Eddie whispers and presses his forhead to yours as his eyes go dark, “My pretty girl.”

Heat rushes to your face at the moniker and an all too familiar ache grows between your legs. Eddie notices the reaction, like he always did, and without saying anything else he ventures his mouth to the soft tissue of your breasts. You arch your back on instinct, just as Eddie leads his lips down between your tits, then around the cup, finally swirling his tongue around your right nipple. 

Eddie smiles against your skin. He bites it gently, flicking his wet tongue on the peak and you squirm underneath him with delight. This is heaven. You were quite sure of it.

One of Eddie's strong hands is now holding onto your side, fingers digging into your waist, while the other circles around your neck, thumb caressing your soft skin. Eddie’s hot mouth swiftly moves across your chest to take the left nipple between his lips, nibbling it till it is as red as the right.

“Eddie…” you moan and he groans against your skin because Jesus Christ, the way his name falls off your lips is intoxicating. He can feel himself get harder.

Pausing, Eddie sits up and hastily removes his shirt, throwing it aside with very little care. He looks down at you, a hungry smile tugging at his lips. Fucking perfect.

And so he’s leaning back down, kissing your lips again. He continues to your cheeks and jawline, then slowly and softly down your neck.

He again guides his mouth southward, between your tits, to your stomach. His hands slide further, then up your cheer skirt and he gives your ass a vigorous squeeze. You moan his name again and he slips his pointing fingers under the elastic of your panties, pulling them down.

The air hitches in your throat, the room grows hotter. Eddie’s hand hovers over your pussy and you want to scream. He’s teasing.

“Baby—”

“Shh…” Eddie hushes, gently covering your mouth with his other hand while glancing at your face, “Can my pretty girl be quiet?”

You nod obediently and he removes his hand, smirking.

The hungry look in his eyes remains as he shifts to the floor, pulling your legs along and positioning your feet on the edge of the bed, causing your underwear to fall like a feather.

Eddie takes a moment to soak it all in —  you, almost naked, writhing under his touch.

He wraps his arms beneath your knees and holding you firmly in place, he begins to alternate kisses along your inner thighs. You can sense his embrace coming closer and closer, and you begin to shake, dying for his mouth to make contact, for for his tongue to enter you. For him to enter you. 

Just when you’re about to do the one thing he asked you not to, (make a sound), Eddie’s lips meet your opening. His tongue parts your flaps and he begins to lick slowly, up and down, round and round.

You’re chewing on the inside of your cheek, yearning for more, and Eddie answers your unspoken plea by sliding his long tongue inside of you.

Oh fuck, this was his heaven because you taste so good. 

He moves his tongue around the tight space like it's a ballroom dance and you tangle your fingers in his brown locks, tugging at them lightly. 

Then it happens. He meets your clit. 

Now, you can hardly contain yourself. No, you can’t contain yourself, panting as Eddie sucks the little nub between your lips. He caresses it gently with his tongue, you begin to pant harder, you begin to moan. And when his name escapes you — “Eddie…” — he increases his speed.

You arch your back. Tense. Legs squeezing around his head. 

He slips his right shoulder out from under your leg and reaches up, grabbing your right tit. He pinches your nippee before grabbing your breast in his hand, while still licking your slit, continuously paying extra special attention to your clit.

“Eddie,” you gasp, almost breathlessly.

The metalhead knows exactly what that means. Head between your thighs, he continues eagerly like a man on a mission, until you release, shaking. At that moment, as he smacks lips together, drinking in your sweet juices, his cock is filled with so much desire that he can no longer contain it.

Giving you a second to recover, he stands to unzip his jeans. The material falls to the ground while Eddie reaches for the box of condoms on his bedside table. With a steady hand, he tears open one packet and pulls out the sticky rubber. He unrolls it onto himself and hovers over you.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” he mutters lovingly, repeating the statement that started all of this, before slanting his lips over yours in a fervent kiss.

You can sense Eddie position himself, his manhood caressing the outside of your sex, teasing. He is always fucking teasing.

But you don’t say anything because his mouth is glued to yours, tongue breaching through, locking together.

His cock clenches and slowly, he pushes the tip in. Holy Shit. You grip the pillows in your fist as he begins to move, barely in, then out, shoving in slightly deeper with each motion. He breaks the kiss and raises his head to stare into your eyes as he makes his final push, fully penetrating. 

Eddie could feel each exact detail of the muscles wrapping his cock inside of you as he rocked his hips. His eyes stay directly staring into yours. His lips display a slight, gleeful smile which you can’t help but return.

You lift your arms, placing your hands on the sides of his stomach, feeling each sway of his body meeting yours. You slide your hands, up and down, to the side and over his ribs, then lightly scratch his back with your fingernails.  

With each thrust, your scratches become more passionate, deeper, aggressive. Eddie groans, eyes rolling to the back of his head, because of the pleasure your nails provide and increases his speed, rocking harder between your thighs.

He leans down to kiss you again. It’s wet and sloppy, and he quickly moves his hot mouth to your cheek, then upward where he lightly nibbles on your ear, and then down the side of your neck.

Your chest rises and falls against him. Both of your breathing grows more incoherent, as your body surges to meet Eddie’s every motion. He continues to rock faster. His member pulsing in and out of you, back and forth, too and from, till both your bodies begin to tense up. 

Nails gripping deeply into his back, you moan heavenly into his ear and arch your back. 

“Eds, fuck…”

“Cum for me, pretty girl,” he groans in response, “Cum, baby.”

It’s an order you are happy to oblige.

Your walls clench around his cock and you peak, panting heavily as you release. You ride the high of your orgasm, muscles pulsing around his throbbing member, and Eddie becomes too excited to continue, exploding inside of you mere seconds later.

The swaying slows, your breathing calms.

Eddie slips his cock out and falls next to you. He removes the condom and ties it swiftly before throwing it into the small bin next to his bed. Exhaling, he then proceeds to lift his hand up to gently grab your chin, turning your face toward him.

“That was amazing,” you declare, the tone of your voice is soft and makes his heart flutter.

Eddie nods in agreement and leans over to brush his lips over yours. As you return the kiss, you put your hands on his shoulders to pull him closer, because, well, why stop a good thing?

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