#this is my home! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

inbabylontheywept · 4 months ago

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so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

#i feel a kinship with that snake #would that i could be a simple tube #and eat my fill of eggs #but being a person is rather nice too #my wife is a saint #and i promise that most of the time she is the goblin and i am the Serious Guy #but i had a little pique of insanity and you know what it was my junior year of college #and i deserved to just go a little insane #you spent 65 hours a week being Rational and then you go home and eat like twenty raw eggs

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cartoonsinthemorning · 5 months ago

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Since you guys liked Marcille as Kermit that much, it seems fitting to thank you for my 12k milestone with MORE Kercille. And this time, Miss Falin is also here.

Thank you so much again everybody! MWAH 💗

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #marcille donato #falin touden #kermit the frog #did you know that pigs will sometimes eat rocks?#and since we are about trivia. This is my second time reaching over to 12k followers. You see #after the great purge I lost a bunch and went back to 11k for a loooong time #who would have thought a shitpost about frogs would get you back into my home #welcome back

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bookwyrminspiration · 4 months ago

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I can behave normally around books

#shitpost #anyway guess who brought home 24 new books today?#if you guessed me. well. you would be correct #in my defense I only bought 5 #for a combined total of usd #where’d the number go. it was 17 usd #the rest were from me going through what my dad was getting rid of for space and claiming it for myself #but either way #24 in one day is a personal record I think #also I do fully intend to read all of these it’s not hoarding for hoardings sake

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atissi · 14 days ago

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locked the fuck back in

#gets home from s1 watchparty immediately breaks out csp like i HAVE to draw them kissing #because s1 DID NOT HAVE ENOUGH OF IT. some might say it didn't have ANY #my art #arcane #jayvik #jayce talis #viktor arcane #havent gotten to s2 yet due to scheduling constraints. but it's been very funny seeing the vikjayce scene get resuscitated in my notifs #got ao3 notifs from writers i literally haven't seen since 2022

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brightlotusmoon · 16 days ago

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#my husband's brother in his group home

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bethfuller · 5 months ago

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limited perception.

find me on instagram!

#ohhh this one felt like coming home #pure experimentation no references speedrun #art and creativity and catharsis i missed you #anyway don't ask me what this one's about. let a slag live her life #art #illustration #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #digital illustration #sketch #bethfuller #artwork

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podcastwizard · 7 months ago

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cashier: ok that'll be $20

me (visibly sweating): ah, yes, of course! a perfectly reasonable price for a grilled cheese and a small smoothie! that was exactly the price i expected you to say when i ordered a single grilled cheese and a smoothie and my vision is NOT getting blurry as we speak! i am a perfectly normal temperature and my speech patterns are natural and even because this is the countenance of an individual who expected to pay 20 american dollars for a single grilled cheese and a smoothie!

cashier: where's all that blood coming from

#this is my fault moving to la #if anyone tells me to just bring food from home and stop eating out i KNOW #i'm BAD ABOUT THAT but i'm TRYING

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sabertoothwalrus · 8 months ago

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girldad mode activate

#I'd trust him to buy me pads #at home he'd always have clean pads ready in case #they're not for him to use. if he's trans his ass is in menopause #chilchuck tims #dungeon meshi #izutsumi #comic #my art

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theriverbeyond · 4 months ago

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packing for a trip is like ok i need 30 pairs of underwear. my entire medicine cabinet. T shirt?

#currently debating if i should leave my fun shoes at home & sadly the answer is yes. i will probably only be wearing my dorky walking shoes #and i dont have the space for more..... 😔😔😔😔😔#trb.txt

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lordgroose · 2 years ago

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my favorite work memory from this store will always be “hey remember when the subway inside the store closed down and they let me take a bunch of their shit for free and now it lives inside my house?”

my life is a joke

#mine #subway #eat fresh #sbubby #retail #i should not be allowed to decorate inside my own home #i just think they're neat #fast food #kitsch

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romanceyourdemons · 3 months ago

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local asian market reorganized its shelves. consequently when i went looking for my ve wong vegetarian flavor instant noodles i unexpectedly found myself in the Good Quality Cookware And Beautiful Dishes aisle, aka the aisle of temptation, face to face with a mug (my favorite dish) with a lid (my favorite thing for a mug to have) and a heron pattern (my second-favorite bird) at a very reasonable price (i’m on a budget and i literally do not have room for another mug on my mug shelf). it was like one of those fucked up tests they give monks in shaolin movies to see if they’ve really given up earthly desires. that mug is going to haunt the broken man that i am for a long time

#i have frozen things i need to get home but i’m genuinely considering going back there for the mug #god i want it so bad #it was the perfect mug shape too #taller and skinnier than most of my mugs. just the right sized handle. god #ryddles

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doctorsiren · 2 months ago

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Gravity Falls AU where everything is exactly the same except Bill’s parents are alive and well, and they’re just so proud of their chaotic dream demon son

#doctorsiren #gravity falls #the book of bill #billford #bill cipher #stanford pines #scalene cipher #euclid cipher #gravity falls fanart #cipher family fun au #digital art #my art #procreate #I just think it would be funny if like…he didn’t destroy his home dimension and instead just left to do crazy things because he wanted to #and his parents are like ‘omg that’s our boy! tormenting the masses! gaining followers! so proud of you honey!!’

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nouverx · 10 months ago

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