#this is me realizing i have never drawn any of the bsd women

[wigglingallday]

[shadyteacup]

Boundaries

Dazai Osamu x fem!Reader

Warnings: spoilers for the bsd ova(very slight mentions of Aya), fluff to angst.

Word count: 1120

Laughter could be heard coming from behind the door to your office. It was late in the evening, most of the ADA members had gone home. But you stayed back with a colleague, who had offered to help you with your backlog. He was more of a distraction, though. Not that you would ever point it out to him. You loved his company. Maybe you loved it a little too much.

“Kunikida-kun had practically adopted that child, had it not been for her to ask his hand in marriage.”, Dazai mused, making you snort and shake your head in surprise.

“She asked him to marry her? Why?”

Dazai grinned as he remembered what had happened, reciting it for you.

“Apparently, someone was into heroic men.”

You giggled, feeling bad for poor Kunikida.

“Do you know why he said no to her?”, Dazai asked, grasping onto your attention once more.

“Because she’s too young, of course!”

“Nope!”

You gasped, horrified at the thought of the blonde not minding the young girl's age.

“Well, she didn’t meet 31 of the 58 criteria he had set for his ideal spouse.”

“You have got to be kidding me! He said that?!”

“He did!”

You laughed on, weirded out by how Kunikida even considered the poor child as a potential partner, and horrified that she actually met 27 criteria.

Dazai watched you wrap your head around his partner’s actions with an intensity he never portrayed for others. Well, he did inspect everyone around him with fierce logic and sincerity, constantly assessing potential dangers, and guessing their next moves and motives, but he had never spent even a second to admire and appreciate someone's laugh. It was funny how he observed you, but never judged you. He judged almost everyone, every day. Nothing slipped by him. Yet, he never seemed to be able to judge you or guess your next moves. You always managed to leave him speechless with your unpredictability. It was a few of the things that drew him to you.

You were equally drawn to him, and he was aware of that. He had that effect on women, and you were no different. If you were any other woman, he would have led you on, had some fun, and then left. He hated commitment and often found himself bored after spending time with someone for a while longer than one night. It was all too easy, he thought. He could easily predict what was going on in his female companions' minds and hearts and could read their emotions like an open book. Everything became redundant and monotonous after a while, and he realized way too early on, that it was better to leave before it got that way. Because that way, he would leave with good memories, rather than memories of boredom and frustration. Leave when it was ripe, not when it starts to rot, he kept telling himself. But with you, as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t take a chance. He refused to get close to you even once because he didn’t want to leave you. He didn’t want to hurt you. So he ignored his feelings and pretended to be just a friend, to keep you safe. He had to push you away.

“Earth to Dazai .”

Dazai blinked at your words. You mentally applauded yourself for catching the Dazai Osamu spacing out. He was almost always on alert, he never let his walls down. This also alarmed you, though, as it could mean something was wrong.

“Ah, sorry about that!”, he grinned, already ready with a new funny incident to entertain you with.

“Is something wrong?”, you asked, worry all over your face.

“No, nothing's wrong, y/n kun! Anyways, do you know-“

“No, something is wrong, Dazai, you never space out. What is it?”, you pushed the subject further, hoping to help the brunet.

Dazai sighed. He knew you were a stubborn person who wouldn’t let go of the topic. He could sidestep your questions, but you were too smart and would see right through his act. He also knew you would push it further if he did so, and his constant denial would leave you hurt.

“I was just thinking, that is all.”

“Oh.”, you said, looking away.

Your people skills annoyed Dazai. Why couldn’t you just ignore his reactions and not be so smart? You now knew that something was wrong and that he didn’t trust you enough to tell you what it is.

“Can we pretend I didn’t space out, and go back to talking about how Kunikida-kun is the funniest human on this planet?”, Dazai pleaded, hoping to get you to give up on him.

When you nodded and said a quick, “Sure!”, he didn’t know how to feel. He wanted you to give up on him, but now that you had, it ate him up. You never gave up on him, always bombarding him with questions and not letting go until he found a way to give you a half-true answer, that satisfied you. He would then spend the next hour getting advice and multiple offers of help from you, each of which he would politely turn down. What he didn’t know, was that you saw through his half-lies every time, but insisted on helping him out anyway, hoping that some of it was true. At least that way, you could help him somehow.

Today, you hadn’t done any of that, but had given up on him, so easily. It left him speechless, once again.

“Dazai. I won’t ask again if you don’t want to tell me, but you’re spacing out again.”

Dazai merely frowned at your words. When did you start giving him space? You never respected his boundaries, and he liked that you cared enough to push past them.

“Look, I don’t know if you do therapy, but if you are ready to give it a try, I have a friend who’s a psychiatrist. Do you want her number?”

“Ah, no thank you. I’m good, y/n kun.”

You gave him a half-smile and looked at the time.

“Man, it’s so late. And I haven’t completed filling a single file.”, you said, sighing at the ominously large pile of papers on your desk.

“No thanks to you, idiot.”, you laughed as you pat Dazai’s head, before packing up your things.

“You going to take the train?”, you asked him once you were ready to leave, and he shook his head no, before waving you goodbye.

“You go on ahead, I have a few things to do.”, he said, hoping that you would offer to stay longer.

“Okay. See you tomorrow, Dazai.”

His heart shattered into a million pieces. He had succeeded in pushing you away.

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