#this is mainly for me bc todays.....something else

[lit-in-thy-heart]

been trying out a new writing technique recently and it's called chilling tf out and reminding myself that fic is written for fun.

[nomaishuttle]

sry i also started thinking abt how great my life would be if i was trapped in a timeloop again. i meant again as in i thought abt it again not as in I was trapped in a timeloop and id love 4 it 2 happen again. never been in one unfortunately.

[kethabali]

i continue to be surprised how our body, minds, and universe align perfectly sometimes and we get just what we needed even if we don't realize we needed it

[attleboy]

okay, doodle drop for the late night crew because i realized i actually have a lot more art piled up than i thought and i didn't post anything today

this gangle one was from today but the rest are old ... just wanted a bit of practice drawing her because i love her but she's really hard to draw man

these are the first doodles i did of ragatha i did after i figured out the basics of how i wanted to draw her... they're like 2 months old?? which might not seem like a lot but it's only a few days after my first post here that gained significant traction so it's relatively old

i've changed how i draw her a lot since then but idk she's still cute here i think...

and similarly, me trying to figure out how to draw jax... mainly an excuse to show off 'sports mode' bc i haven't had the opportunity to work that into a drawing since...

this is an unfinished buttonblossom comic i forgot about... might finish it still but i'll give you some parts just in case i forget it again.. that way you at least have something... or you can like poke me w a stick until i finish it if that's what you really want idk

ooo and here are the carnival pomnis that snowballed into the bug collection post!!

the left one was where i was first trying to draw her and i saw the possibility of a butterfly shaped hat... it's preserved exactly as it was when i got the idea because i immediately dropped everything to doodle the first draft of the outfit [on the right]... then i did... everything else lmao

oh and here's the holiday card posts without text and the border i don't think i ever ended up actually giving you guys these

okay that's all i think... goodnight

[aklaustaleteller]

Hi sweetie! Hope you're doing well. Could you write a Klaus Mikaelson x reader (the reader is Hope's bio mom, so the whole Dahlia betrayal didn't happen and no one was turned into a wolf) where it's set in season 3, the reader and Klaus are married and happy until Aurora comes along, and with her jealousy she makes y/n believe she and Klaus slept together (they didn't) so they have a big fight where Klaus didn't deny he slept with her (cause he was hurt she didn't trust him and stuff) causing them to split out. They only saw each other because of Hope, and they were verbally hostile towards each other (not much, just petty arguments) and after a while he kills Aurora bcs she threatened yn (or something similar) and they go back together and it's all fluff.

Have a great day!

Said Yes To Heaven

Y/n and Klaus are in love, happy and overwhelmed, especially since having welcomed their newborn baby only weeks ago. But what happens when an unwanted guest appears on their doorstep out of the blue, and suddenly Y/n isn't sure if she's just going crazy or there truly has been some infidelity?

Warnings - Mentions of pregnancy, blood, thoughts + scenes of trying to unalive someone else, and some light after-birth changes/affects our reader is going through. Word Count - 4.6k

So, long time no see, everyone? Hahah, it's surreal to me how you have stuck around, but I'm very glad at the same time :) Thank you for sending in this request, anon, and I'm sorry for taking so long! This is part 1/2 and this mainly has fluff, as I wanted to show you the happiness and all about this family before I tore it down in the next part (just so it'd hurt a little better, yanno?) Anyways, I'm a little rusty but I hope you'll enjoy this one even a little and I'll let you go now! Have fun reading <3

UPDATE: You can now read part two here!

Klaus took a few steps back from his doorstep, looking rather unpleasant to see his guest for the day. Because of course, out of the very blue, his ex-lover had been reminded of him. On the very day he had woken up to a crying baby and a cranky wife who was high on hormones after just having given birth.

Some days, he just couldn't get it right. But today was going to be the hardest of it all and he was not ready to face the music.

"Aurora," Y/n spoke from somewhere behind Klaus, her voice carrying a threatening echo. "To what do we owe the pleasure?" She was approaching the door slowly, her eyes and tone an exact contrast to the welcoming words falling out of her mouth like sweet honey.

Klaus' shoulders relaxed when Y/n brushed against him while she moved past to stand in front of him, making him lean against the doorframe.

"It's a lovely day, isn't it?" Aurora spoke, her voice like a little girl’s – sweet and gentle. But Klaus saw straight through it as well as the tick in his wife's jaw. "Heard that you gave birth to a baby g --"

Before Aurora could've finished, Y/n had her pinned to the doorframe opposite to the one Klaus was leaning against.

"Don't you even dare speak of my family," Y/n snarled, her fingers digging into the woman's throat as everything in her told her to rip it out. But before she could've, Klaus' lulling voice began slipping into her ears.

"Now, love," He said softly, grabbing a hold of her shoulders and bringing her back into him, knowing fully well that this wasn't something she truly wanted to do. Then, tucking her lone hair strand back into her braid, he cupped her cheeks – "Why taint the porch with her blood, hm?"

"Because I'd rather see her dead than listen to that filth for another second," she smiled sweetly, her anger evident in the grit of her teeth.

And she'd just begun turning to take a look at an embarrassingly flushed Aurora, when a cry tore through the silent household. For a small second, both Klaus and Y/n shut their eyes, taking a deep breath simultaneously before Y/n was walking back into the house.

"Take a nap with her, why don't you?" Klaus proposed, his back facing the unwanted guest. "I'll take care of this and join you two in a bit," he nodded, passing the exhausted mother of his little girl a sweet smile, encouraging her.

Then he turned back around, almost shutting the door behind him to keep whatever noise was to come at bay.

"What do you think you're doing here, Aurora?"

"I just wanted to see you, Niklaus," she muttered softly, taking a step closer to him. "I miss you," she confessed, reaching to place her hands on his chest.

He backed away just in time, releasing a sharp breath. "I didn't suspect you to be so idiotic and careless with your life," he said sharply.

"Only for you, Klaus." She was looking up at him with a million emotions swirling in her eyes. But Klaus knew better than to not notice malice being one of them.

"Whatever you're planning to do, drop it," he gritted through his teeth. "And stay far, far away, from my family," he warned her as he walked her off their porch and out of their house’ perimeter, tempting the woman in front of him to backtrack.

"Don't test me against this Aurora,” he started, his hands placed behind his back but his frame remained all the more intimidating.

“I will kill you if you even bat an eye in the direction of this house," he was almost beginning to shake now, trying his best to keep his anger at bay and not cause any destruction out here while his little family rested inside the house not too far away.

Leaving her standing, Klaus turned to get back in the house when Aurora called out his name.

"You love me, though! You know you love me," she shouted at him, and Klaus' eyes glowed golden, knowing exactly what she was trying to do here.

And the moment she saw his eyes, she stumbled a little.

"I know you love me, do you not?" She managed to croak out just before Klaus had his hand wrapped around her throat, enhancing the bruising his wife had marked earlier.

"This is your final warning," he growled in her ear before slamming her against the wall behind her, walking away and trying to lose his temper at the same time as he entered the house and shut the door behind him, wincing when a baby's wails followed the noise.

—

As the next morning rolled around, so did the first official day of Summer.

With Hope's little frame already covered in fresh grass, Y/n couldn't foresee the day getting any better. A loud laugh escaped her when Klaus pretended for it to have been hard work getting a hold of the very frantic Hope, who was as happy to see the sun as Y/n was.

"Look who's gotten herself all dirty," Y/n pouted, dusting off as much dirt as she could off of Hope's onesie, while Klaus softly wiped her face.

"Just learned to crawl and of course she's abusing the skill," Klaus murmured, only making his wife laugh again.

Y/n kept Hope caged in her lap with one arm, leaning back on the other one to soak in the sun. She exhaled a deep breath, before turning to look at Klaus, who was already smiling at her.

"You've been such a good father, have I told you that?"

He laughed at that, looking down to hide the blush creeping up his neck, and nodding with his eyes still set on the little ducklings printed on the blanket they were sitting on.

"You have," he began softly. "Many times, actually," huffing out a laugh, he looked up again, now catching Hope's big wondrous eyes as well.

"Good."

With a light groan, Klaus moved to lay beside her. "Hope couldn't have a better mum, though."

"Wouldn't want her to have another mum anyways," she laughed, leaning in just a bit to press a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth that was curled in a grin.

And as the beautiful day passed them by, with Hope's full cheeks turned red due to the amount of fun she'd had, and Y/n's heart swollen with all the love she couldn't muster up properly at all, no matter how hard she tried – and Klaus knew that he could give it his all and still be unable to put this keen feeling rushing under his skin upon a canvas.

They'd truly said yes to heaven, when they'd said yes to each other on that one day in particular.

So, once they had shuffled back inside their house due to the chilliness increasing, Klaus made his way straight to the kitchen to heat up the leftovers while Y/n changed Hope’s clothes upstairs, in their bedroom. It didn't take long for the tired little girl to slip into sleep's arms and for her head to lull to the side, while Y/n was rocking her back and forth. So she stacked pillows around Hope’s body and went back down to Klaus, reaching just in time when a there was a knock on the door.

Now, with whatever Y/n had been expecting to come across, Aurora Martel at her door once again, was not it.

As she stood still on her ground, looking into the very woman's eyes who was not even supposed to be here anymore, her eyes began to fade to black only for the golden rim of a Hybrid to come through -- to caution the vampire standing in front of her before she attacked.

Because while Y/n hadn’t mentioned it to Klaus, she had heard her fake little love confession to Klaus yesterday and thought about the multiple ways she could unalive Aurora. 

But she decided against putting in such effort and put her body through another wave of pain for the day. She was going to go about his normally, after all, she was the mother of the very man's child that this woman had clearly come after. And his wife, as well.

"Aurora De Martel, the hopeless-romantic human, who only grew more daring once turned into a vampire, at my doorstep all over again," Y/n began, walking to complete a circle around the woman.

"Not an ounce of stupidity was shred in the process-- you know, of your turning; I suppose, since you're clearly still in possession of it," Y/n continued. 

Once she was in front of Aurora again, she took a step closer, the gaze of a predator still present in her eyes.

"Cat got your tongue darling?" She spoke, tilting her head to the side. "Where's that feisty little Vampire that I remember, hm?"

"I'm not that person anymore," Aurora began, struggling once Y/n had her in a choke hold again.

"No need to be a stinking liar, Aurora." Y/n gritted, dropping the choking one on the ground. "I can smell your intentions from miles away."

Y/n didn't tend to be such a threatening and volatile person, that was the reason that she'd fit so well with Klaus. And yet, she wasn't quite sure as to why she'd brought up this side of hers. She knew she wasn’t afraid or insecure that Aurora might get to Klaus; not at all.

But what she did know was that Klaus’ lovers popping back up only made her heart thud because of the potential danger they put Hope in.

She scoffed when Aurora scrambled to her feet, hands around her neck as she swallowed thickly.

“How are you, Y/n?” She croaked out, looking ahead of her despite the fact that Y/n was right by her side, now making another round around her. 

“Hm, concerned, I’d say,” Y/n hummed. “For you, of course.”

Maybe the pregnancy had changed more about her than she’d originally thought. Or maybe, and hopefully, Y/n thought, it was just the hormones. 

“How’s Klaus?” Aurora asked, mustering up the courage to turn and look Y/n in the eyes. “I supposed he’d be here,” she shrugged, "with you." The venom in her voice could be well detected, especially when she mentioned Y/n. And while her guards were high up, prepared for the hybrid to rip her to shreds -- she still held the fake confidence that that won't happen. 

“Why don’t you ask him yourself? I’m sure he’d love to have a chat,” Y/n smiled at her before she walked into the house, towards the room she knew Klaus was putting away Hope’s stray toys in – but not before passing Aurora a cautioning glare, warning her against doing something stupid in her absence. 

“Klaus?” She asked softly, entering the dark room, her eyes already following his figure as he put away the box of toys.

“We have a guest, I hear?” Klaus asked, walking up to her with a lazy smile. One of his arms snuck around her waist to pull her into him to press a kiss on her mouth. 

“No actually – we have a doting lover on our door,” Y/n chuckled. “She’s eager to see you again,” she shrugged, quickly going back to press a kiss on Hope’s forehead before grabbing a very confused Klaus’ hand, leading him outside. 

“Aurora,” he realised in annoyance, a deep frown in between his brows as he caught her sight from the top of the stairs. His mind was racing through a million things, the loudest question in there was, what in the hell was she doing here again? Didn't he warn her just yesterday?

“Isn’t it a pleasant surprise?” Y/n smiled brightly, coming to a halt herself. “I’ll leave you two to it,” she said, ignoring Klaus’ pleading look with an inner laugh as she turned away, most likely to arrange the dishes for their awaiting and heated dinner.

"Just make sure she doesn't ever dare to lose her way and end up here, again," she said, looking straight into Aurora's eyes before crossing over to the kitchen. 

And from the corner of her eye, she saw Klaus shut the door behind him. So, trusting him against making a mess, she quickly cleaned up the kitchen before she was making her way upstairs to Hope’s room, to now feed her some formula and put her to sleep for the night. 

"Are you in there, little wolf?" Y/n spoke from just outside the door, a silly grin on her face as she waited for the same reply she got everyday.

A random babbling noise that showed that Hope was indeed hungry. 

Despite Hope's loud squeak and the sounds of her rolling around in her crib, Y/n walked into the room with the same look on her face – the pretended to have caught her daughter, awake, red handed.

"Hope! You don't wake up once I put you to sleep!" She gasped, swallowing a laugh and reaching with one hand to pick up the little girl, bringing her to sit on her lap while she backed to sit on the rocking chair.

With loud giggles, Hope hit her chest a couple times, grinning up at her while drool began pooling on the boundary of her mouth.

"Uh ah!" Y/n laughed, closing the baby's mouth and watching as she squealed again, this time her palm landing flat on Y/n’s cheek.

Risking a mess by placing the small bowl on her thigh, Y/n held Hope up with her back against her chest and lifted a spoonful.

"Yes!" She cheered when Hope took in the bite without closing her mouth halfway and spilling the rest down her chin.

Slowly and steadily, she let the girl swallow her meal before making her burp.

"Did I get you sleepy, little wolf?" Y/n giggled watching Hope's eyes droop.

"You're so sleepy all the time!" She pouted. "Never got the time on your hands to play with your mummy," chuckling and shaking her head, she got off the chair and walked over to the crib placed near Klaus’ side of the bed upon his insistence, putting the already asleep girl inside.

Lowering with her, Y/n pressed a chaste kiss on her full cheeks that now hung low. Silently, she walked over and peeked out of the door to see if the matter down the stairs had been sorted out.

But she didn't catch sight of either Klaus or Aurora. So, with a sharp frown between her brows and an anxious tick among her fingers, she hurried down the stairs -- only to confirm her first realisation, it seemed.

Knowing that Klaus couldn't have been hurt in any way, she headed back into the master bedroom to get herself into a nice bath and take some time off to relax. 

She lit the candle that Freya had gifted her some time ago, and stepped into the bathtub full of soap foams. Her head lulled back and her eyes shut off, and she began to think of all the time she had been spending building this new little family recently. 

It still felt so surreal, that Hope was finally here. It was all so new and overwhelming, but Y/n knew that neither her nor Klaus would trade this period of their life for anything. It was almost as if everything had fallen into pieces to fit a puzzle the moment they had welcomed their little daughter into this world. 

There was no other source of light in the bathroom apart from the flickering candle, Y/n didn't feel like turning on the bright white light. And, as she began to tune into Hope’s breathing, she felt her heart begin to beat in sync with hers. It would’ve only been silence to human ears, but Y/n could hear the little puffs and the little movements of her mouth that she made in her sleep. 

She could picture Hope’s head lulled to the side, her mouth slightly ajar and her small frame rising and lowering with each breath that she took. Then, Klaus faded into the photo and she could see Hope’s drool slipping onto his arm and drying up there, because of course Klaus had fallen asleep with her on the rocking chair. 

And finally, she entered the picture herself and took the two of them into the master bedroom, laying Hope between the two of them and pressing kisses on both of their foreheads. After turning off the lights, she was looking at the two pieces of her heart sleeping peacefully, because she felt like she couldn’t miss this sight, because she probably won’t feel the time pass before Hope had to be put to sleep in a crib in her own room. 

Just the idea of that brought tears to her eyes. Everything made her cry these days, and she does realise that it’s because of the hormones. But she doesn’t know how to explain the exhaustion of it all. The untrue and mean thoughts she got throughout the day, whether it was regarding her body or her new journey of being a mother and feeling scared that she’d go wrong somewhere and be hated by her own family for the rest of her life. 

Just the energy it took to shut all those thoughts down and to reassure herself, remind herself of what was true and what wasn’t – took so much out of her that when Klaus held her in his arms at the end of the day, she just wanted to let go and fall into pieces, so that he’d bunch her up and tell her or show her stupid brain that Y/n was indeed right and that the thoughts were just her mind playing games. 

Taking in a deep breath, Y/n rose and washed the soap off of her. She could think about this all day and all night, and she could drown in her sorrows for way too long than healthy. But right now, she needed to go and eat dinner if she wanted to sleep on time. 

Which reminded her – she hadn’t heard Klaus come home. Had she missed it, or had he genuinely not come home yet? She began to focus on her hearing, and only came across Hope’s breaths, nothing else. 

Maybe something had occupied him, she thought, wrapping a towel around her and exiting the bathroom. 

—

Klaus was walking in their backyard with Hope in his arms, asleep, as always. He couldn’t balme her though – she was a newborn, after all, and had a lot to register in her brain in the couple hours that she was awake during the day. 

She had been a calm baby so far. The midnight tantrums weren’t as frequent as others had warned him and Y/n about, maybe because they had way more stamina than an average human.

Y/n, right when she had woken up, had been dragged out by Rebekah and Freya. Trust me, Y/n, I’ve been through what you’re going through and it’s been two weeks since you’ve left the house with us! He had heard Rebekah say to Y/n in the kitchen, and he had agreed a hundred percent. 

They had gone out for brunch, and maybe it was because they had a lot to catch up on, that Y/n hadn’t yet come home and it was nearing lunch time. 

And Y/n, as much as she was enjoying her time out in as much sun as New Orleans got on an average, she was dying to go home. She was missing Hope and Klaus and before she could’ve said anything, Rebekah had herself proposed that they should have some dessert already because Klaus and Hope are probably seeing your sight on the doorstep, she’d laughed. 

“I think I’m gonna walk home, the weather’s really nice,” Y/n said when Rebekah began to try and convince her for a lift in her car. 

“Oh, okay!” Rebekah laughed. “You have come out after a long time, so sure!”

Y/n just passed the woman a narrow-eyed glare as she was hugging Freya. 

“Juut text us when you reach home,” Freys said, walking off towards her car. 

Y/n nodded, bidding goodbye and watching the two drive off before she dropped her smile and sighed. God, her cheeks hurt from how much she’d been smiling and laughing. 

She had only walked a couple paces away from their eating spot when she heard footsteps. It was a busy time, a nice day, so many people were out and about. The city was kind of bustling. But still, Y/n turned to look and immediately, she groaned, coming to a pause. 

“Seriously, Aurora?” She almost whined. “You take annoying someone to a whole another scale,” she said with a face that was genuinely twisted into annoyance and irritation. 

“C’mon Y/n,” Aurora said with a newfound confidence, drawing Y/n’s attention right away. “Can’t you have a chat with me, too? Just us girls?” She grinned, and then rolled her eyes when she saw that flash of Hybrid golden in Y/n’s eyes. 

“I’m not here to fight,” she said. “I’m here to make friends with you,” shrugging, she dared to take a step closer, testing the waters. 

“Don’t be so over confident, Aurora,” Y/n gritted, having pinned the woman on a wall. “It almost got you killed, right this moment,” she said, giving her a final flash of her eyes before getting up and walking away. She was not in the mood to kill today, especially not after the amazing brunch she’d had not too long ago. 

But of course, Aurora was too dumb to get that, Y/n noted as she heard feet jogging to catch up to her pace. 

“Just talk to me this once, and I swear I’ll never show you my face ever again,” Aurora rushed to speak, desperate to get Y/n to stop.

They were still a little far from her home, Y/n realised. She could very conveniently kill her right now, and not get blood anywhere near her family home. 

“What?” She asked instead, coming to a stop. 

“I get why you married Klaus now,” Aurora spoke, a smile creeping up on her mouth. Y/n didn’t want to admit that there was a blush as well. It was probably sunburn, she told herself. 

With a slight roll of her eyes, Y/n forced herself to focus. “What do you mean, Aurora?” She asked her, ready to snap her neck if she tried to beat around the bush once more. 

“I mean, you two got together, had a baby so early on in your marriage. I now realise that it’s because he is so good in bed, you had to lock him down somehow, didn’t you?” She laughed, not noticing the gold swarming Y/n’s eyes as she smiled at the ground, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“I would too. Guess I got a bit late, huh?” She continued with a joke, and then stopped. 

Y/n didn’t even talk to her girlfriends like this. How dare this dumb little piece of work, dare to speak of her and Klaus in such a manner? So, she sped through her movements and sunk her fingers in Aurora’s throat, cleansing her insides.

“I rushed. Think I would’ve liked ripping out your dirty fucking tongue instead,” Y/n hissed, her mouth right next to Aurora’s ear and she was so close she could hear the loud thudding of her heart. It made her feel good, and she almost didn’t want to kill her becuase that noise was music to her ears right now. 

Aurora couldn’t say anything, the only noise she could muster up was the sound of choking, because she was. And she was pretty sure her blood was rushing to places inside her where it shouldn’t be. 

But then, something came over Y/n and she slipped her hand out of Aurora’s throat, leaving it intact as she wiped the blood on the very woman’s clothing. “Sleep good. Maybe some rest will knock some sense into you. After all, all this stalking and annoying someone must be exhausting,” Y/n spoke with an understanding shake in her head. 

And then, before Aurora could even realise much, Y/n had her hand placed near her throat and with that, she snapped her neck, quickly rushing to put her back in her house. She wasn’t cruel or angry enough to leave her asleep in the middle of nowhere. 

But she was riled up enough that she needed to rush home and ask Klaus some questions before her mind could get the better of her. 

She knew that this was the time Hope was usually asleep, and she was praying to the gods above that today wouldn’t be any different. And she opened the door to the house, quickly sensing that Hope was, indeed, asleep but she could hear that Klaus wasn’t.

The shower was running. 

Removing her shoes, she walked to the kitchen and washed her hands in the sink. Then, tiredly, walked over and sat on the sofa in the living room, knowing that Hope was in the master bedroom and they couldn’t talk, potentially argue, there. 

A lot was taken out of her today, and she needed Klaus to reassure her so that she wouldn’t have a breakdown somewhere in the house because it felt like she was going crazy. She knew that he hadn’t done it, knew that he couldn’t have done it. 

But just for the sake of her brain, she needed him to say it. Needed the words to come out of his mouth so that she would know for sure. For she trusted him more than she trusted herself. 

Because right now, her brain was telling her that she had heard Aurora’s love confession that day, but she hadn’t heard Klaus’ reply. Or that Klaus mostly shut the door when she left him with Aurora or how that one night he had come home late after she had left the two of them alone for Klaus to sort out the matters, and he’d told her not to worry about it – that it was nothing and he had taken care of it.

She knew that it truly was nothing. But once, just once, she wanted him to tell her that. 

Waiting and waiting for the shower to turn off, Y/n slipped into a slumber. So when she felt someone close to her, she caught Kalus leaning in to pick her up, probably to carry her to their bedroom. 

“Ah, you’re awake,” he smiled, his gaze so soft and his dimples evident as he instead pressed a kiss to her forehead and stood up straight. “The girls tired you out, hm?” He asked her, raising her head and placing it on his lap once he had sat himself. 

Y/n only mumbled something, before turning to hide her face in his hip area. She couldn’t bring herself to talk to him about this when he was caressing her hair so gingerly, but she knew she had to. 

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” she said then, looked up at him. 

“What is it, love?”

God, this was going to be hard. She sat up and fixed her bed head with her fingers before she looked at him again, this time with a wavering sigh. 

“Did you sleep with Aurora?” 

Klaus’ eyes hardened then – the exact response Y/n hadn’t been longing to receive. 

[doberbutts]

sorry if this is like out of line or smth but ive been seeing a lot of your mixed w/ white posts today and i had a question.

my entire dads side of the family is cuban, theres a lot of hispanic heritage on that side of the family. my entire moms side of the family is white. ive always considered myself mixed/hispanic w/ white but im incredibly white passing. ive always felt like an outsider in hispanic communities because i was mainly raised by my mom.

how do i get past the shame and sense of non-belonging to start connecting with my cuban and hispanic heritage?

I don't think it's out of line, but I do want to warn that I really can only give theoreticals. As I have stated a few different times, I was raised in a multicultural, multi-ethnic family that went to great lengths to expose me to my cultures and also the cultures of others. It was very important to my parents to make sure their children did not feel divorced from being black. Unfortunately, they didn't have much of a choice about being divorced from being Native, as that decision was also made for them when they were children themselves. However, it was still important for them to show us what they could.

So I never really had to "reconnect" with my blackness because it was something my dad felt was really important for me to be raised in long before I was born. Whether or not I'm "allowed" to say I belong to my Nation depends entirely on paperwork that I don't have due to family members dying etc (and also, you know, race politics bc for a very long time you were not legally able to be both black and native) and so while there are means to get that paperwork nowadays... personally I don't have much of a drive to give someone a whole bunch of money to dig around in my family history and see what documents they might be able to fish out. It is enough for me that I can point to dearly departed family and state that I know they were part of the Nation. It is enough for me that no matter where I go, when I bump into someone else who is Native they recognize me without me needing to say anything. It is enough for me to have memories of this happening while we were near a reservation, and a family took us in because we were lost and confused and heading directly into a wildfire out west.

I would like to learn more about my Nation. About the traditions and cultures and lifestyles there. I'd like to learn the language. But I don't need papers to do that. I have some oral tradition received by aforementioned family members, but otherwise it's mostly just what I pick up here and there learning on my own. For right now, I am okay with that.

[airenyah]

@gillianthecat thanks for your tag! i haven't watched this show that you're talking about here, so i can't really say anything specific on these actors themselves

re: your question on disentangling face and acting [spoilers ahead for "bad buddy" and "theory of love" if anyone reading this cares]

disclaimer: this is not proof-read

this is possible, actually! there's a bunch of actors whose faces i like but i still have some negative criticism on their acting. however, in order to do so you need a trained eye and some first-hand acting experience also helps. although i would say your eye is more important here, bc i don't think an actor who never learned how to look and analyze would have that much helpful feedback to give either. personally i was just lucky that i had two teachers at drama school who would make a point of us students analyzing each other's performances. (and i'm also lucky to have a mother who's got an insane eye for performance and who'll watch thai bl with me so i can train these skills even at home)

point is, once you know what to look out for then you will have an easier time distinguishing between what's good or bad even when you like someone's face

(disclaimer: i struggle with acting terms in english bc i usually talk about this in my native language german)

sending: a big topic at drama school was for example "senden" (i guess you can translate it directly to "sending" in english). i won't get into this concept right now, but when you know what that is and what it looks like when an actors "sends" then you'll see it even when the actor has an interesting face

dringlichkeit: also something my monologue teacher talked about all the time. i guess it's best translated with "urgency". this is all about how much urgency comes with a character's emotions and actions, how important everything they're doing or saying is to them. big topic, but hard to explain in a tumblr post

changes? another thing i look out for is whether anything changes. some actors tend to do the same thing over and over again (in a single scene up to throughout the entire series). this can also really difficult to catch if you don't know how to look, but once you do it gets really obvious. basically what i pay attention to is what emotions i can get from a character and whether they're always running on the same basic emotion throughout a scene/epsiode(s)/entire series. hereby it's important to remember that even if the emotion has the same term it can still be different bc emotions are a LOT and we usually feel a whole MIX of emotions. what i mean by that is that when a character starts a scene (or monologue or whatever) angry and ends that scene angry, something about that anger should change by the end of it. maybe the character starts out the scene in a hot rage where they're just angry and annoyed and pissed of and just DONE and ends the scene in a kind of anger where that annoyance and and rage has been replaced with an underlying desperation and the feeling of betrayal and pain. changes apply not only to the portrayed emotions, but also on things such as tempo, volume, etc.

processing: this is another very subtle thing. basically what happens in real life is you see/hear something, your brain has to process that new information and only then you can (re)act. actors who have memorized a script and know exactly what their co-stars are saying should still go through that process. i can see it when an actor doesn't let the words of their co-stars sink in first before they continue with their next action and i can see it when they character is supposed to have new thought and the actor doesn't play the moment a split second beforehand when the character is supposed to have that next thought (you can't act when the thought of the action hasn't even crossed your mind first. your brain is controling your actions so it all has to go through there first). i can see it when a character is supposed to be taking a decision but the actor doesn't take that decision in their head first. and you can also see it when actors do act all of these things out (an absolutely fantastic example: look at the journey of facial expressions ohm goes through in the ep5 rooftop scene right before pat answers "no"!! you can see how he takes in pran's question of "do you want to be my friend", you can see how he considers this question, how he really thinks about it, about what he should say and probably also how pran might react to it, you can see the moment he comes to a conclusion in his head after all that thinking and you can see how he switches to determination right afterwards as he decides to tell pran the truth that no, he does not want to be friends. and my favorite thing about this is that it actually takes him two tries! there is a moment where his lips fall open as if he wants to say something but the words don't come out and it's only on the 2nd attempt that he manages to let out a breathless "no")

thoughts/images: ok so my monologue teacher would talk a lot about "having your thoughts straight" (to put it this way in english. in reality he kept saying various versions of "die Gedanken haben müssen"). my mom instead keeps going on about "creating images". personally i feel like these two concepts come together because in order to create images (you know, like panels in a comic book or pages in a flip book) you need to have actual thoughts. once you know what it looks like when an actor is in no-thoughts-head-empty mode it becomes really obvious when there is absolutely nothing going on in their head. (again for an absolutely fantastic example of an actor having A LOT of thoughts in their head i refer you to my boy ohm pawat, specifically his facial journey on the rooftop between "do you want to be my friend?" and "no". or also the ep4 scene with pat, ink and pran at the bar after ink and pat had the photoshoot, just watch pat the entire scene and you can also see that there's a lot going on in pat's/ohm's head)

spielrichtungen: this is one of those words where i have literally no clue how to say it in english and it's frustrating bc my mom and i talk about this A LOT when we're analyzing acting. a somewhat literal translation would be "direction of acting" or "direction of playing". i guess the best way i can explain it is that what we mean by that is the direction in which the focus or an action of the character is going. it can be outwards it can be inwards (for example a character talking to someone else vs a character talking to themselves). it can be forwards, it can be backwards, it can be up, it can be down. it's always amazing to see when actors are able to jump around with their directions a lot (on that note, i went to watch one of my acting teachers in a play last month and he did that so well, it was a joy to watch). a character's direction can be backwards even when they're talking directly to someone (for example if the character is talking to someone they really don't want to be talking to). a character might be in a conversation and then suddenly switch their focus inwards as they think about something that has just been stated or they might even say entire sentences to themselves (on that note one of the major differences between ohm's acting as pat in bbs and phukao in 10 years ticket is that as pat his direction tends to be very outward and forward whereas as phukao it tends to be very inward. what i mean by that is these are the main directions the characters go through the world in, however ohm does switch up directions at any given moment depending on what the character is reacting to, thinking about, saying or is trying to achieve. meaning that even when phukao has a tendency to be very inwards he'll switch to an outward direction when needed and even when pat has a tendency to be very outwards and forward he too will switch to an different direction when needed. for example that scene in ep4 where ink fixes pat's hair, his direction is away from her and rather inwards, which is completely different only two scenes later in the nivea product placement where his direction is very outward and towards pran. and i LOVE ohm for these choices, it makes it so much richer bc you just KNOW my boy pat has zero interest in ink, no matter how hard he tries)

anyway, this is just the tip of the iceberg of things you can look at to judge whether an actor is better or worse. and these are concepts and techniques that you can absolutely notice even when you like an actor's face. and i know this from experience: for example, theory of love is a very important drama for me bc it helped me deal with a very similar situation in my real life. also, i absolutely ADORE gun atthaphan (his face is so cute?? help??) and i really look up to him as an actor. and yet there are still individual moments where i'm like "ok this doesn't quite work bc [insert reasons] and it would have had a stronger effect if he did [insert my own solution(s) i could come up with]" (for example that moment in the 2nd half of the series where third is sleeping in the theater and then khai comes up to him and kisses him? gun reacted too quickly there: we don't get to see third wake up and process the fact that he's being kissed and realizing exactly who is kissing him and reacting to that realization before he jumps into action. so then that entire scene falls a little flat, it would have been much smoother and would have had a better effect if we'd seen this whole process in third first) (speaking of gun.... on the topic of "does anything change?": gun cries a lot in various dramas and there are no words to describe how amazed i feel at the fact that he cries differently every single time. you can watch all his crying scenes back to back and it's always so DIFFERENT, it's never the same, like???? anyway, when it comes to actors i have a favorite crier and it's him, it's gun, bc damn that boy can cry. and it's so different every time)

also at this point i want to say: how one feels about an actor's performance is also a very subjective thing. just because i'm saying one thing doesn't mean that someone else with the very same experience and knowledge agrees with me. sure there are techniques and concepts that can help you judge whether a performance is good or not so good, but at the end of the day all art is about how it makes you feel and how it touches you personally. an inexperienced performer might touch you much more than an experienced performer for various reasons while for someone else it might be the other way around.

another anecdote from drama school on the topic of subjectivity: my colleague was preparing a bunch of monologues for an important acting austrian acting exam. she practiced them with our monologue teacher (an AMAZING teacher btw - one of the main people who trained my acting analysis skills) and there was this one specific monologue where he really loved her portrayal of it and said he didn't really need to do anything to help her improve it bc to him it was perfect as it was. personally i liked her protrayal just fine, but to me it wasn't all that special and so it wasn't one of my faves from her program. then at some point my colleague presented all of her exam monologues to our voice/articulation teacher for some more feedback (this teacher is the one i mentioned above aka who i went to watch in a play last month! also a very skilled actor). on this particular monologue the voice teacher gave the complete opposite feedback from our monologue teacher. (and actually, that was a really eye-opening experience for me bc i was like "oh WOW i get it, i totally knows what he means!! so that's what my problem with this monolgue was, that's why the monologue wasn't all that interesting to me, he's so right omgggg") needless to say, this caused a bit of a crisis for my colleague... (though there's a happy ending: she got through the exam!!)

alright, i'll stop here as i've already said way too much. also, all of this would be so much easier in person where i could pull up various clips from various shows and compare good performances with not so good performances and where i can point all the things out that i've just talked about and so you can see for yourself what effects that can have on you as a viewer and how much there is to discover 😅

I appreciate everyone's good advice to just drop the damn thing, but for some reason I feel compelled to keep watching Candy Color Paradox, and then complain about it. It's feeling like my experience watching War of Y, although they are very different shows, in that I'm fascinated by it's successes and failures. And I now want to find out what the show ends up saying (either intentionally or not) about the morality of paparazzi journalism. I did notice that two minutes after I paused to write my last post Kaburagi was questioning the ethics of what they did and how it impacted their subject, so I have some hope that the show is at least trying to say something.

However to avoid polluting the tags with my negativity for people who are enjoying the show, I'll keep my criticism below readmores.

Before I get into that, are the editors at the magazine trying to match-make Kaburagi and Onoe? 🤔Because they keep singing the praises of each of them to the other one. 👀

I think the biggest problem for me is that I just don't think the actors are very good. According to MDL they're both idols and don't have much previous acting experience, and I can tell. They're both trying their best, but there is this awkward amateurism to their acting that is distracting me and makes the characters feel less real. I'm just now watching the scene with Congressman's secretary, and it's clear just how much more comfortable this older actor is on screen (at least before he sexually assaults Onoe). He moves and talks and inhabits his body in this unselfconscious way that is engaging to watch. And in the scene when Onoe is talking to his bartender friend, Masayan, my eyes kept being drawn to the bartender, even though all he was doing was listening and nodding. But he just seemed so much present and real.

I bring these two other (much more experienced) actors up because it affirmed for me that it wasn't just my imagination. Both young actors have this tentativeness to their physicality, which really doesn't work for the supposedly cool and dominating Kaburagi, but neither does it feel like it matches the awkwardness that Onoe has. It feels like the actor's own awkwardness, rather than the character's, somehow. It doesn't help matters that they both seem made-up and styled like idols rather than journalists. They just both look so young.

They're not terrible, they both have some nice moments, and Onoe's face especially is growing on me. I think he's the stronger actor, actually, he has this wonderful wide-eyed way of looking at Kaburagi that temporarly creates the illusion that these two have chemistry. The roles I suspect are actually deceptively hard to do well, balancing complex emotions with slapstick comedy. I'm not an actor, but I imagine that's something that requires a lot of experience to pull off well. But it does mean that the chemistry isn't really there, that Kaburagi's philosophical musings feel shallow instead of like insights into a moral crisis, and that Onoe's panic about falling in love doesn't ring true for me.

And oh my god that final sex scene in the car, there was no connection there, it felt like they were each in their own world, not like they were reacting to each other. Which I get, it probably feels much safer for the actors to approach it that way. But it's so obvious on screen. At least a JBL is willing to portray sexuality on screen, I guess? Next step is helping inexperienced actors get comfortable with it. (Eternal Yesterday and Utsukushii Kare were on a different level all together, production and direction wise, and the actors in Old Fashion Cupcake are such pros that they probably could have managed it on their own, though I imagine they had support. And thus concludes the list of JBL I've seen that have attempted more than dead fish kisses.)

The other problem is a mismatch of my expectations and what the show actually is. I keep wanting it to be more serious; it touches upon these complex issues—the sexual assault, ethics in journalism, Kaburagi's feelings about trading sexual favors for information—and then glancing right off of them. Whereas I keep hoping for them to dig in. But it seems very devoted to it's yaoi roots, particularly with a sexually aggressive seme and a blushing maiden uke, and not interested in going much deeper.

And since this is my space to vent, I just watched another show where a completely untrained person was miles better at tailing people and taking covert photos than than these two are. The shows are completely different in tone and budget, so perhaps it's not fair to compare, but it did make me laugh. (I don't want to spoil that show, though it's barely a spoiler, but it's this one for anyone curious.)

[yesimwriting]

Hi! I'm back with another request and it is stu again(I'm sorry I'm in a phase rn) . In this request I was wondering if we could get Stu walking the reader from class to their locker, waiting for them at their locker, and then walking them to their next class. I know you've mentioned it before yk with Stu waiting for the reader and I'd just love to see the casual intimacy like in the last request (and also I hope you're feeling better after the break down you went through I'm not sure if this is a good time for request for you and if not thats so understandable I'm so sorry take your time, obviously if you do do this request I'd appreciate it but if you don't thats so okay i mainly sent this in bc you said you were in your Stu era and what kind of loyal reader would I be if I didn't indulge one of my favorite writers by tricking them into writing/talking about one of there current favorite characters :)

A/n hi, i'm feeling better now :)) i'm home so that always helps and done with school until close to late january so that definitely helps lol

also side note, i try to keep the appearance of the reader as vague as possible but at the beginning i do mention the reader having long enough hair to be tied back/up with a hair tie 

this took a minute but i hope it’s worth it!! 

----

You're practically bouncing on the balls of your feet once the bell rings, more akin to a little kid getting ready to run across the park than a student simply getting a few minutes to move from second period to third. It feels a little silly, especially when you intentionally keep your freshly graded test on top of your folder instead of tucking it away, but it's become a bit of a habit.

You'd think about breaking it if it wasn't for the fact that no one ever gives you a reaction quite like Stu. Sure, he's purposefully over the top, oversaturating his enthusiasm with his tone and teasing humor, but it's nice. Comforting in the way it never dwindles no matter how many things you bring up that you don't think anyone else would have the energy to even pretend to care about.

Out in the hallway, you adjust your hold on your math textbook and the plastic folder that's resting over it. Your head turns left, towards the row of lockers that he's always waiting near. Only, this time Stu's not there. Not looking through his actual locker or talking to Billy or Tatum or anyone. He's not there. At all.

You're more confused than you should be, it's not like Stu owes you his presence, but it is weird considering that this is the first time he's ever not been there since your tradition started. You frown, a little offended by his absence. Things with Stu are more intentional than he wants them to seem, a fact you picked up pretty quickly after meeting him, but something insecure within you twists at the thought that maybe he just forgot. Or decided he just didn't feel like it today.

Even though the hall is quickly flooding with teens, you crane your neck in the direction of Stu's second period. Stu has a tendency to stand out, too tall and too much of a force to blend in if one makes up their mind to look for him. It shouldn't be hard to--you bite your tongue to avoid yelping as some firm force settles on your upper hip.

You've heard too many stories, seen too many girls rant or tear up in the bathroom after some entitled guy thought it'd be funny to grab or grope under the guise of accidentally bumping into someone thanks to overcrowding. For a brief second, the contact feels pointed and wrong. You turn stiffly, eyes wide until they settle on a familiar grin.

Panic fading almost immediately, you exhale. "Stu."

When you don't melt , Stu drops his arms, offering you a halfhearted, "...Boo."

You roll your eyes, half stepping back. "You scared me."

“Should’ve been paying more attention,” he mumbles, expression slightly scolding. 

A retort about how you were just looking for him because he’s always waiting across the hall rises and dies on your tongue. There’s no normal way to explain that, and even if the fact that you were waiting for him wasn’t totally mortifying, your sure he’d find a way to tease you. One of those jokes about how he didn’t realize the two of you hadn’t gotten so serious and since when were you such a ball and chain? 

So instead of saying anything like that, you tilt your chin up, “You snuck up on me on purpose and we both know it.” 

“I’ll make it up to you later.” The suggestive wink earns him an eye roll. 

“Sure,” you mumble pointedly, “Guess what?” The question is rhetorical enough that you don’t even have to wait a full beat to answer, “We got our tests back!” 

You lift your paper, careful not to cover the red A+ circled on the first page. Stu’s mouth falls open briefly in a look that’s just a little too amazed for a reaction to a math exam. “Wow,” he takes the packet from you, leafing through it without taking it in fully, “This is some complex shit, too.” 

He sets the test back down over your folder before ruffling your hair in a way that’s nearly too affectionate, harsh enough to make your head move at an angle that strains your neck. “Harvard bound.” 

You brush him off with a barely contained smile, softly pushing against his hands before attempting to smooth out the mess he made. “Okay--knock it off, I actually liked how my hair looked today.”  

“It’s not fair that you’re the smartest person in the room and the prettiest.” The blatant compliments without their usual layers of implication and subtle-not-so-subtle innuendos are enough to get you to pause. 

Stu briefly squeezes you to him before taking the textbook from your hands. It’s easy to let go now that the habit’s been established. You rarely carry anything in between classes anymore, Stu either making up a silly excuse to take your textbooks or doing so silently. "Someone’s too smart to carry things.” He forces mock irritation into his voice. 

“I didn’t ask you to do that.” It’s half accusing, but you make no move to take your books back. 

“Uh-huh,” he hums dismissively, “Whatever you say, smarty.” 

----

You can’t remember the last time Stu’s house felt so hot, maybe it has to do with how overly humid the outside world is today, but you’re struggling to feel fully comfortable despite your contentment.

Stu’s talking, reiterating everything wrong with some low budget horror film he stumbled onto last night. You’re listening a little less than you’d like to and you honestly feel bad about it, but you can’t help the way the heat on the back of your neck distracts you. 

Billy sits up a little more, “I’m not surprised, your movie instincts are awful.” It sounds like the start of one of their debates that are better off without your interference, and you’re okay with that. This week has been long and this is the first moment that’s allowed you to really breathe. You don’t mind absorbing that for a second and just taking in their presence and the easiness it brings you. 

“They’re not worse than yours.” 

“Even Y/n picks better.” 

Something about the way Billy’s eyes focus on you makes you feel like it’s a genuine attempt on Billy’s part to bring you in a little more. Even though you don’t feel insulted, you still sit up a little more, “Thanks.” 

“Ouch, man.” The fact that Stu’s basically dropping the argument in order to add to the jab at your taste is enough to get you to turn your head. 

You glare, shoving his shoulder. “My taste is not bad.” They exchange a look that has you feeling like you’re on the outs of some joke. “You guys are the worst, I have no idea why I hang out with you.” 

“’Cause you love us.” Stu nudges his foot against yours, bumping your knees in the process. 

The additional closeness reminds you of the warmth of the room. To avoid crossing your arms or doing anything that would get them to accuse you of pouting, you begin to pull your hair away from your neck. The hair tie against your wrist smacks against your skin. Loud and stinging a little too noticeably. It’s not painful, but surprising enough to make you drop your hair. “Stu.” 

He ignores the harshness of your voice, instead choosing to chase after your wrist with one hand. “Give it.” There’s something about the way he says it that stands out to you. It’s reminiscent of a child noticing a brand new toy and instantly deciding that they want it. 

Before you realize what he’s asking for, Stu pulls the hair tie off of you and takes a second to stretch it between his fingers. What he’s trying to do finally sinks in when Stu slides the band up his wrist. You’re not in the mood to redefine how tender scalped you consider yourself to be, but there’s no way to say that in a way that won’t make Stu moody. 

“Turn.” It’s a command so gentle you listen instinctually despite your reservations.

You barely have a second to adjust before Stu’s pushing your hair back. “Are you--” His touch is surprisingly focused, not tugging on the strands in the way you’d expect him to. “Are you putting my hair up?” 

“Yep,” he pops the ‘p’ casually, like there’s nothing weird about this. 

He drags his palms against the top of your scalp a little clumsily. It’s not that weird. Not really, you decide, just different. Any type of ponytail or loose bun would have never taken you this long and it’s clear that Stu doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but it doesn’t hurt. He’s being restrained, gentle.

“You’re letting him do your hair?” 

You shrug at Billy’s comment, feeling a little awkward as Stu finally reaches your scalp. “The good thing about hair is that it always grows back.” Stu tugs at your hair pointedly. “Ouch.” 

"Rude.” 

“Billy started it.”

Billy half scoffs. “Just asked a question.” 

A pointed question. You’re about to point that out, but then you hear the tell tale snap of a hair tie being pulled off of a wrist. Stu twists it around your hair carefully and you ease. He lingers, fingertips brushing against your neck before releasing you.

You tilt your head slightly, surprised at how well your hair is pulled off your neck. Not tight enough to feel pulled or like the start of a headache but not loose enough to be annoying. Even though there was some hesitance, he did a lot better than you thought he would. Better than most boys would have done. 

Maybe you shouldn’t have assumed he had never done anything like this before. You know about his older sister, and while she’s a sore subject now, maybe there was a time when she wasn’t. And even if that’s a stretch, Stu’s a total flirt that’s been circling around a relationship with Tatum for a minute now. 

 Your fingers brush against the end of your hair. “You did good.” 

“Give me some credit, babydoll.” You wrinkle your nose at that and Stu grins. “I’ve had a lot of practice. When a girl gives he--” 

“Ew.” And just like that, the moment ends. “You’re gross, I hope you know that.” 

“He knows,” Billy mumbles, tone extra casual to compensate for his slight smile, “Gets off on it, too.” 

You snort, an ungracefully sharp laugh as you sink further into the couch. Stu lets out a sound of protest, shooting a glare in Billy’s direction. “Fuck off.” You laugh again. “Both of you.”

Stu scoots away from you. With a sigh, you reach forward. He plays up his pain for a second but eventually relents, letting you tug his hand into the space between you two. 

---- 

It’s twisting--the world, your mind, the blank spot of the wall you’re tying to focus on. All of it. Swirling at a rate that’s practically nauseating as emotions you can’t fully label in your current state spur on the feelings. They’re a fog, disorientating and complicated. You don’t want to figure out each hue of your feelings so you label them under one umbrella: bad. 

You take a breath that’s meant to settle you, but it does the opposite. Your unsteadiness leaves you instinctually wanting to reach over, to grab Stu’s arm and stabilize yourself. But he’s standing there with that same illegible, yet clearly irritated expression. You’re not sure if it’s the beer on an empty stomach or what happened five minutes ago or the silence, but the yellowish tinge of the bathroom’s light adds something to Stu’s features. Something bordering on eerie. 

Part of you wants to speak, the rest of you feels like the best thing you can do is just keep standing there. You’re not convinced that Stu’s anger is fully directed at the third party. He’s at the very least annoyed at you. 

Leave it to Stu to think that you’re taking the side of the guy that kept hitting on you despite how visibly uncomfortable you got just because you didn’t want things escalating. It wasn’t worth it. Was the guy an annoying asshole? Yes. But you had it under control and Sidney and Tatum were right there. It wasn’t exactly dire. 

The quiet is ebbing at your patience. There’s probably some perfect thing to say to shatter the tension, but you can’t think of anything clever or tactful and the last thing you can handle right now is a fight. Your mind tunes into the music that’s softened by the closed space. The thumping base is both terrible and familiar. “I hate this song.” 

Stu blinks, gaze shifting towards you. He doesn’t quite ease, but he lets out a breath that could be considered a form of lighthearted acknowledgment. You’ll take it. “Last one was worse.” 

You let yourself smile. “Definitely competition.”

He pretends to gasp. “No argument,” he shoots his reply back so quickly you nearly get whiplash, “Color me shocked.” 

The theatrics do little to take away from the lethal levels of aggression pressed into his words. That did seem too easy. “I--I didn’t--” You don’t want to explain. You shouldn’t even need to. You were keeping his ass out of trouble. “I just didn’t want you to get in trouble. It wasn’t worth it.” He’s silent for a second, which you can’t make your mind up about. “He wasn’t worth it.” 

Stu scoffs, pushing himself away from the wall. “You’re defending hi--” 

“I am not.” Ugh. Can he not hear you? If there’s anyone in this situation that you’re trying to defend, to protect it’s Stu. You try to swallow, but your throat still feels overly dry. 

“You heard the shit he said about you.” 

Okay, speaking calmly is not working. “I don’t care about the shit he said about me, I care about you.” The blowup immediately fills you with regret. “It wasn’t that big a deal. You’ve said worse while we were literally in class.” 

Stu straightens in a way that makes his full height unignorable. You doubt that it’s intentional--he can’t help that he’s objectively tall, but noticing it now...And the way he’s looking a little beyond you with a hardened stare that feels more sober than it did a second ago. “The way he was looking at you and then he grabbed your arm.” Stu’s voice changes with no warning, taking a dark edge that nearly startles you. 

You blink, biting your tongue to keep from admitting that you had barely noticed. That sounds like purposefully playing oblivious, but it’s true. You had hardly looked at the guy until his clammy fingers were around your forearm. That had been scary. Even Sidney and Tatum had reacted. “Thanks for getting him off of me, by the way.” It feels awkward, but saying it takes a weight off of your check. “Even though the weird, testosterone match the two of you had after was totally unnecessary, it was nice of you.” 

Stu tilts his head, taking in your inability to look him in the eye. A flash of genuine shyness despite what you’ve had to drink. He can imagine your thoughts, the running of different words together to make sure you don’t say anything that he could turn into something embarrassing. It’s cute. You’re all fidgety and still a little tipsy. A rush of fondness strikes him with no warning. It’s dangerous, distracting when paired with the little alcohol he did let himself drink. 

It’s too much and he’s not used to it. The feelings are a web and his mind tangles around all he could say. A mix of the obscene kind of jokes that always make you role your eyes fondly and genuine comments that all burn down to the same, general meaning: “I’d kill for you.” 

Great. The words come out at the exact second Stu recognizes the truthfulness of it. He scrambles for some kind of joke he could make to change the subject before you can think about it too much. The more you know, the more at risk you are. And this is the exact kind of slip up Billy always gives him shit about. 

You smile, either unaware of the intensity behind his words or just choosing to ignore it. “Then it’s a good thing I wouldn’t ask you to. You’re too pretty for jail.” 

Your casual acceptance makes it easy. Stu lets himself smile for just a second before letting his mouth fall open in mock hurt. “I wouldn’t get caught, babe. I’m slasher material.” You raise your eyebrows in a silent challenge. “And you’ve seen these guns.” He flexes one arm, waiting for your attention to settle on that before reaching for you with his still free hand. Your yelp is more of a laugh than anything else. “I’d be fine.” 

Stu pulls you away from the bathroom door and towards his chest. You halfheartedly fight against him, twisting your wrist back in a way that’d be more efficient if it wasn’t for your laughter. “Stu.” 

“What?” You push back, Stu’s fingers tighten just slightly. “Just proving my point, sweetheart.” Another laugh as his first hand finds your waist. “Practicing what I preach.” 

After a second of play fighting, Stu gets you close enough that there’s no point in resisting. It’s somehow farther and closer than a hug, especially when Stu angles his head downwards. 

You like the closeness more than you should. It makes your head feel too jittery, but the rest of you so warm you almost don’t mind the awful music. “This party sucks.” Stu’s eyes focus on the slight pout of your lips. “Want to go and watch a movie or something and then pretend that we stayed here until later so Billy never has to know that he was right about how much this party would suck?”  

Stu tugs on your arm, placing a quick kiss to your forehead. “Trying to get me back to your place?” You bite your tongue to avoid giggling again. The last thing he needs is encouragement. “Trying to take advantage of me? Because I promise you won’t have to work that hard at it.” 

You roll your eyes, half debating pulling away. “I’m taking back my offer.” 

“Hey--no take backs,” he squeezes your arm slightly and you resist for the sake of it, “C’mon, I’ll let you pick the movie if you sleepover.”

The offer surprises you as much as it doesn’t. Stu invites you more and more the longer his parents are out of town. He never says it, but you feel like it’s his way of keeping people around, reducing the quiet in his almost perpetually empty house. 

“Deal.” 

[xx-slug-xx]

Hiii so I just saw ur post and ask reply about proshipper antis and ocd and I wanted to give my two cents because idk I'm like self important or something? But I do think I have a good perspective as someone who's never truly affiliated with proship or anti proship (I'm also not a huge poster or anything so.)

I've been diagnosed with OCD for most of my life and also have been a victim of sexual violence, which is only relevant because when I was younger I had a debilitating obsession with being "found out" as someone who consumed noncon and proship content. I was really disgusted with it while simultaneously consuming and writing it myself, albeit privately which I thought made it "more okay". It took me a long while to leave this mindset because, as most ocd obsessions are, it was not congruent with reality. I feel the trap that a lot of people fall in to is within the labels of pro or anti, that there must be one or the other. Mainly people will label themselves as anti because it's, to me, an elitism of morality that only serves to detriment their own values. (Ie if you're pro-morals then you should seek to understand and rehabilitate, if you rlly think some kinks are so horrible that anyone who enjoys them needs to change.)

I've found that in the real world, among my friends who are on irl kink communities or who I just candidly discuss these sorts of things with, most don't have starkly pro or anti mindsets. I think it's strange that the very common mindset of "I'm really not into it but it's none of my business" is labeled as proship online. Ive never heard an incredibly anti sentiment be expressed as outwardly as it is online, because it's really just socially inappropriate to judge people's personal thoughts like that irl..? All that being said, I believe that if there wasn't this loud anti proship discourse online, I would have not been so distressed with my private thoughts before I was in recovery, and really the intensity with which these "thought crime" ideals are expressed only serves to make more people label themselves as proship. People generally don't like being judged for intimate things, shocker.

Valid experience and good opinions, anon :D

Tbh, my experience is kinda similar, though not exact. I always felt guilt for anything I enjoyed in fiction and that includes virtually all my kinks since they are mostly all fiction due to me being aspec! I think my guilt stems from religious trauma tbh. It’s a sin to be happy after all! Must be the devils temptation /j! Growing up in fandom, seeing people online saying all these things I enjoyed actually made me a bad person caused me feel like I was dirty. That there was something wrong with me for actually really mundane things. And my OCD fed off of that like a leach. I still to this day can’t let people borrow my phone bc my OCD tells me that people will do or say nasty things to me if they find out. “Find out” meaning that they see the fanart and fanfics that aren’t even on my device that I looked at somewhere in the past (not even recent!). Wasn’t until the last four-ish years where I realized that was dumb lol. It was a long journey of self acceptance that I still struggle with today. It’s hard to get past mental illness, but you can live with it and still be happy! It may never go away, but you can absolutely learn to tell your brain to stop being dumb as fuck!

Like, why would I be kicked out of my house for watching South Park as a child? I wouldn’t have been, but my OCD brain told me shit like that all the time! I’m not bad for having fun! Neither is anyone else!

I absolutely agree with you that labeling the normal response to seeing something you don’t like, or meeting someone who likes that thing, as “ok not my thing but good for you ig” shouldn’t be a “proship” thing. I don’t like the pro vs anti divide all that much. But in reality, that’s how this internet argument is taken and seen. It’s rooted in it from a fandom history perspective (as lame as it sounds when I say it lmao). Normal people in real life don’t care about internet drama, and they don’t care what a proshipper or antishipper is. I honestly feel like a lot of people forget that, but I see a lot of people on the anti side of things applying their internet opinions to the real world. That’s why I’m concerned. I see a lot of antiship people dropping irl friends and spreading label against them too, and it’s not a healthy mindset or way to live. It’s fine to not have the same tastes, even being uncomfortable with someone else’s tastes. But I don’t think it’s healthy to worry so much that it affects your real life like how I see a ton of antis doing. Life is uncomfortable and it’s full of people who can make you uncomfortable. But life isn’t black and white, and people/things that make you kinda uncomfortable with certain things can also be things you could care less about. I know so many people in my life at least who I just don’t talk about certain subjects with for that very reason, but we are still great friends regardless of our differences! And they aren’t “bad people” either lmao

Proship vs antiship never should have been a thing. Imo, you’re either an asshole towards others for stupid reasons, or you aren’t and just agree to disagree unless someone’s causing real harm! Proshippers can be assholes just like antishippers sometimes lmao, so those aren’t synonymous!

[giogio1998]

Fun facts about my art process:

Today I was making new JLI art and it got me thinking that I have the same ritual when it comes to drawing the JLI and some of them are very silly and fun so I wanted to share with you guys. Even if you don’t care, reading is important so just read the freaking post lol.

1- I hate drawing men !!! Seriously, drawing Martian and Batman is easy for me bc they have very easy features to draw like Batman’s mask and Martian’s nose. But every time I have to draw Ted, Booser and Guy it’s a struggle.

2- drawing Ted is the hardest, I think it’s bc I shipp Ted and Bea so I always try to draw Ted cuter than the other boys and that pressure makes it harder for me but drawing Ted is the bane of my existence.

3- idk why but Guy always ends up looking super hot. I swear it’s unintentional, but the man always looks so hot, sometimes I look at my drawings and I’m like “wtf Giovana why did u make him look so hot ? “

4- I like making Tora skin pinkish, mostly bc she has white hair so white hair and light skin would look very washed out but I like to think that her skin is like “ice burnt” (?). Idk if that’s a word, I’m Brazilian I’ve never felt cold in my life. All I know is sun burnt lol.

5- the opposite goes to Bea, I like to make her skin light bc, well she is in fact white Brazilian, but I like to make her hair color pop, that’s also why I give her black lipstick and eyebrows, it’s all about the hair.

6- Bea’s hair !!!! I always try to give her the best hair. I make it very voluminous, very wavy and very bright almost as if it’s on fire. I love her hair, also I’m trying to redeem her hair bc of the awful 80’s hair style that DC insists on giving her.

7- I listen to Hannah Montana while making my JLI arts … actually I love all the early 00s Disney channel music and I also listen to podcasts but I prefer listening to music while drawing.

8- if I don’t find a reference the drawing is not happening. Every artist struggles at something and my struggle is anatomy I can’t come up with poses, especially group poses so I’m always looking for references. Once I have my reference everything is fine but if I can’t visualize it I can’t draw it.

9- I love drawing booster’s suit, it’s just so shiny and easy to draw, Guy’s vest and Ted’s suit have too much detail so booster’s suit is just fun to draw.

10- I hate drawing booster’s hair tho I always think it looks stupid idk why I hate drawing short hair.

11- I love drawing skeets. I wish I would draw him more often tho. My reference for skeets is the justice league unlimited version.

12- speaking of references, when I draw Batman I almost always make his cape cover him completely bc I think he moves around like Dracula from hotel Transylvania LOL. Idk why but I treat him like the most unserious character ever.

13- I draw using photoshop, this isn’t a fun fact, that’s actually sad.

14- My laptop is an old Lenovo from 2017 and it crashes constantly. Usually I start and finish a drawing on the same day but sometimes my laptop decides otherwise.

15- my signature is my initials but one time someone commented that it’s looks like a “cursive B” and since then when I can’t get my signature just right I draw a cursive B instead and it works lol.

16- I always give Ted dimples, mainly bc dimples make him look even cuter but also bc I struggle with drawing men so I try to give them different characteristics to make them look unique.

17- I give every JLI member its own layer file while drawing and I always make it color coordinated. So Bea’s file is green, Ted’s is blue, Booster’s is yellow, etc.

18- I name all my layers and to keep my sanity I name them all with silly names like “bea’s million dollar hair”. “Boosters shiny ass suit”. “Tora’s blush she bought from MAC”.

19- I came up with Bea’s suit bc I always hated that she had normal looking clothes instead of a suit like everyone else so I came up with a new one and it was inspired by a pair of boots I saw on instagram once.

20- the JLI is my favorite thing to draw <3

That’s all I can come up with right now, hope this post encourages people to keep drawing bc most digital artists like to appear as if being good at drawing is a magical gift and they don’t struggle at anything. So this is my reality lol

Also the new JLI art will be coming out soon, stay tuned!!! Spoiler alert it’s a glee related post 🤫

[dragonji]

having a mome

ever since talking about [redacted postcanon events] with charlie ive been musing on what jyt and qyz would call each other and well. tonight its just making me very ill in the head a bit and I shrimply need to get it written out somewhere apologies in advance♡

So to begin. JYT would start with calling QYZ Your Highness/Qi Ying bc ascension is a comparitively new situation for him on top of preexisting social uncomfortableness making him default to referring to people by their titles or ranks whenever appropriate. And QYZ obv doesnt really care about titles so even though he knows JYT has one (General Qing Liu btw) he'd just call them by full name. JYT tries very hard to not let on how happy that makes him and only mostly succeeds [smiles peacefully].

Now (as in later postcanons as of timeline of charlies work as well as beyond) I am rather stuck on how to make their forms of address more intimate without verging into ooc-ness for either of them.... Neither of them are much for overly-sweet petnames I would think. With QYZ I dont think he sees a point in using 'random' words to refer to someone he's affectionate towards; JYT just has a deeply thin face for romance and the aforementioned social anxieties. Despite that I do think JYT would start using nicknames first- hes more liable to playfully or exaggerately use a nickname to test out how QYZ reacts where QYZ would just charge ahead with whatever name he finds fitting if/when he wants to call someone something different.

Some handful of years after theyve been acquainted and have formed their sparring routine JYT would feel safe enough to risk calling QYZ by name too (for the first instance picture end of a sparring session both peacefully laying in the dust catching their breath staring at the sky. JYT gathering themself enough to recklessly give a quick nervous "Thanks for today, Quan Yizhen !" before Bolting. He has to go wander around a forest in the mortal realm for a bit after that one to recover meanwhile QYZ is sitting at the sparring grounds like I wonder what their deal is today?? before shrugging it off. They have a conversation about it the next day where JYT cant stop fidgeting before he apologies for not asking before dropping the title and QYZ tells him it literally doesnt matter he prefers when people use his name anyways. And thats That♡). Eventually (5-15 years later maybe?) they would drop to just given names and likely keep using those for a long time.

All that said the safest option to JYT would be smth along the lines of 阿真 (A-Zhen) esp at first when he's unsure of how it'll be received. But I am Also finding it more and more captivating to maybe have JYT call him 小狼 (Xiao Lang) once in a while mainly while theyre alone if that doesnt sound too unfounded..... JYT likes wolves already and its also personal fulfillment to me as (spoilers for my furry tgcfverse) I have also made QYZ a wolf in all my furry versions😌 (Maybe when QYZ asks why JYT chose to call him that they would respond along the lines of "wolves are pretty and strong and cool and loyal just like you... even if people dont understand them well! Plus theyre cute and fluffy *pauses to run his hands through QYZ's hair* so I just thought it might fit^^" and QYZ hums a pleased note in return and they go back to napping all cuddled around each other Ok Moving On we're getting too romantic!!-)

Ahem likewise I've been considering having QYZ call JYT 涛涛 (Taotao) on occassion bc it seems cute and also more likely for QYZ to just double the syllables for a straightforward nickname where applicable. I mean having him call JYT Yongtao is already close enough to a nickname seeing as no one else does but maybe just as extra flavor here n there...... Perhaps something involving JYT's association with rabbits or dragons would be possible too/instead? Or perhaps I am simply projecting my furryisms a bit too on-the-nose there... Honestly could just have it be Tao-xiong if I wanted to keep the subtle are they comrades or yknow comrades vibe lol... in the words of my friend nie huaisang I dont know, I really dont know!!!

[camzverse]

.......Oh buddy...... I believe u've got some tea to spill, >:3

lol.... anyway u call? :P

YAYY OK SO. (side note i only just came up with this today so its not THATt fleshed out but ive been thinking about it like all day so i have many ideas)

so like. it all starts w vanessa. basically when she was really young her parents worked for fazcorp technologies (au equivalent of oscorp) and idk. they die for reasons related to their work there. Who knows whatever its really not important to the au. anyway so vanessas parents r dead now and she moves in with her aunt and uncle in typical spider-man fashion ykyk. eventually shes grown up and when shes in college shes becomes an intern at fazcorp technologies' lab. at the end of her internship she secretly goes to the main room where theyre genetically modifying animals. i guess shes curious bc thats what her parents had been working on before they died. she mainly notices the giant tube of spiders they were working on and she ends up walking right up to the spiders, to take a look and as she gets really close, one crawls on her and bites her. she didnt realize she got bit but thats what makes her get out of there. Anddd thats how nessa becomes spider-van (working name) :3

shes the citys 1 and only spider-van for maybeee 4 years after that point? she graduated just a couple of months after grtting spider powers. also she lives with tape girl btw and they were roommates in college too. after like the first year tape girl (i havent named her yet siiighh) finds out ness is spidervan and she basically becomes her tech assistant. her girl in the chair if u will

anyway so ness has been spidervan for 4 years at this point. and then theres gregory who is just some guy rn :3 hes not spidey yet . one day he and cassie r on a class field trip to the fazcorp tech lab and they get bored so they sneak off and end up in a room with a bunch of different genetically engineered spiders in their own little boxes but one of them is Not in the box bc ig aomeone forgot to close it. andd it bites gregory and greg feels it but he doesnt see it but cassie DID see it and they start freaking out . its kinda funny. andthey do not take him to a hospital nor tell anyone bc they r dumb teenagers and he "feels fine" . so whatevsss they sneak back to where everyone else was on the field trip. andd then they just go home like nothing happened. until the next day when suddenly gregs spider powers manifest and cause HELL at school. yada yada he now has powers and no clue what hes doing with them

ANYWAY SOOO soon enough something happens and gregory meets spider-van by pure chance and she realizes that somehow this kid has pretty much the same powers as her (they got bit by different kinds of spiders so theyre not identical powers) and she offers to teach him how to control his powers so theyre not messing things up all over the place which turns into a mentorship of sorts and that evolves into him becoming a hero right with her ^_^

^theyre like this to me

fun little heroic spider duo adventures ensue from then on. saving the city and such. UHH THATS ALL FOLKS!! ok well thats all i can think of to say for now. thats all [the relevant background information] folks!!

[doug-meat]

parts of the npmd soundtrack that scratch my brain perfectly (act 2)

again its all under the cut. i hope this is comprehensible its longer than the last one. idk what else to say

HATCHET TOWN

dan's whole bit at the start. just the way he says everything. so good

the ahh ahh ahhs

the electric guitar <3

curt's voice for bailey esp the growl

A LOSIN STREAKS COMIN!

the smoooothness of corey's voice and the way he sings things auuauauuau

IF HE GETS ME NEXT I COULD BE THREE!

the harmonies on man down down down down

the little plinky organ melody in the backround that comes in halfway through the chorus UAUUAUAUA

the way jon says donna

donna's "DAN!!!"

i certainly dont LOVE killing!

the harmonies on "bailey's/barry's on the loose and he's got a gun" (im talking mainly abt the soundtrack and not the proshot so bailey is more applicable here but both r so good)

I'M A COP!

fits the bill! it fits the bill!

THE HARMONIES ON THE SECOND MAN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN UAUUAUAUAU

the who's swingin the hatchet now harmonies

HATCHET TOOOOOWN

I AM THE MAYOR!!!!

HOW DARE YOU!!!

bryce's solo <3 all of it is so good

BOY JERRY <3 and gerald monroe ig but i love jerry

LET'S KILL 'IM!

CAN I SHIT OR WILL I DROWN

kim's little opera bit

the final in hatchet town harmony <3

JUST FOR ONCE

this whole song in general btw. i love ruth fleming so so so so so so so so so much this song was such a silly contemperary theatre tribute

NO, i haven't seen your grill brush, MAURY. huh YEAH! i used it to BRUSH MY HAIR this morning CANT YOU TELL. ugh

DONT LEAVE ME OUT HERE WITH THE MEAT, MAURY! medium WHA? how can something be medium AND WELL, MAURY?

ugh. maury.

*sigh* i turned 40 today.

the piano coming in

the synthy strum

the way lauren sings the word saturday. her voice throughout this whole song just scratches the brain itch so well

the way she says window, right, dream, and had

they never win

and LIIIIIFE is FULLL of all of the Trappings of The Well to Dew

god i love ruth. i love this song i love this song.

the slight tonal shift (thats not the right word ugh) for the choruses.

39 I LOSE MY HAIR UNDER CAREFUL CHEMO TREATMENT

the way lauren says ensnared

JUDGE ME.

IT FUCKING WORKED I'M FUCKING HERE HE'S FUCKING HER IM DISAPPOINTED

and of the two who's the worse for wear (ME.)

the tambourine

idk what that instrument is in the bg of second chorus it sounds like a saxaphone but also synthy???? idk but i love it

SHOULD I FLIP THE BURGERS NOWWW!

the clarity of lauren's first oh UAUAUA

SHOULD I LET THE YEARS COOOK MY BODY DOWN IN FRONT OF HIM

all 3 just for onces esp the last one with the riff

THE WAY THAT BEHIND THE JUST FOR ONCES YOU CAN HEAR THE "if i can finally be cool i will know that i'm not a loser" MOTIF AUUAUAISUAUUAISIAU

the way the tone calms back down but its still like so vulnerable... uuuuuauu

the way she says every word in this last verse

i used to dance :(

IF I LOVED YOU

THE SYNTH

I NEVER WANTED YEW ANYWAY!

joey's general tone in this UAUAU so good

mariah's deeper voice HEART EYES AUUUU

i just love lautski this song is so good i can barely pick things out bc this whole song scratches my brain

joey's lil growl on "oh babe i'd let u know"

OOOO! i guess we'd better save the date!

need a lover MAYUN

i love when jeff blim crams a lot of syllables into an amount of time like that its so fun

the harmonies <3

wake me up when u turn 18!!!

if i IF I!!!!!

the repeating round style of singing in order to come together eventually I lov them

dissonance <3

THE SUMMONING

the way the lords names are sung i love it sm

the lords names being whispered in the background

tNOY karaxis

WIGGOG WIGGOG Y'WRATH

the woah ohs and the drums kicking in

the music cutting out

HELLO FWENDY WENDS

the we will build a portal motif

the laughter

just the whole little lord verses its so discordant and fun and i love it so much i love the voices they put on i love the lyrics

LA LA LA LA LA ALALALALALA

the book has all but closed on ur life!

THE LORDS IN BLACK ARE THE LORDS IN BLACK ARE

blinky's we've been watching u gracie

the way curt says spankoffski and toy box

GOOOO NIGHTHAWKS!

tinky's laugh

jon's wiggly voice

WHY HELP U WITH THE JAGERMAN WHEN WE CAN HELP THE WORLD

the drums

swallow his soul i wanna lick it!

i wanna see thaaaat

WHATEVER WE WANT WE WANT WE WANT WHATEVER WE WANT WE GET

AAAAUHGUGH there IS something!

something FUN!!!

the lords in black the lords in black call us...

what do u want steph...

do it... or DIE

WE DONT GIVE A SHIT ABT UR PHONE!

AHHHHHHUHGHHH THERE HE IS

what's in your pocket STEPH-A-KNEE

STEPHANIE HAS GOT A GUN TRALALALA HOW FUN! STEPHANIE HAS GOT A GUN SHE KNOWS WHAT MUST BE DONE

i love this whole song its so silly and crazy

YUM YUM!

or FUCK OFF

that last "the lords in black the lords in black call us"

COOL AS I THINK I AM REPRISE

this one makes me really sad :( still so good

one of us is in love :(((((((((

it doesnt TAKE a detective

the violins coming in again

is it really a crime if you get to live your life to the fullest :((((

YOU GET TO LIVE ON :(((((

the i love u i know :(((((((

ur not as cool as u think u are! :(

THE HARMONIES :(

IF I CAN FINALLY BE COOL :((((

i will know that you have to do it :(((

joey's lower register for this last little if i loved u chorus :(((

loved u more than the stars above :(((((( (how many sad faces can i use)

the pause before could've :((((

i cant even say anything more abt this one it makes me too sad

ok yes i can the i never wanted you anyway breaks my heart

BEST OF YOU

the guitar

the needy beast esque pronounciation of words idk how else to say it i just love it

LIKE EYE DEW

we hurted!

the harmonies on town and down

IM THE BEST OF YEW!

this song is just so fun

it's like you knew me b4 u knew me! that whole bit! i love it!

THE AHS IN THE BACK OF THE SECOND BIT OF THE SECOND VERSE

ABSCONDED BELOVED

FOREVER!

WE'RE GONNA RUN AROUND 2NITE!

I BELIEVE IN YEWWWW

never gonna fall!

the echoey verse in the back at the end Auuu so good

the ending note harmony

DIRTY DUDES MUST DIE

the souls of the pervs make me strong

her laugh

I LOVE ANGELA'S VOICE

everything she sings here sounds so incredible

ARE U HARD BC UR STRESSED

what????

i just love this reprise its so so good

i cant point out specific parts bc its just all incredible

OF THE NERDS U MINIMIIIIIIIZED!!!! her RIFF!

THE LAUGH

when the ensemble comes in heart eyes

WHO WILL PRAY 4 U WHEN UR BODY'S GONE THIS IS THE CONSEQUENCE FOR WHAT YOUVE DOOOOONE

DARKNESS WILL SPARE MY SOUL

run pervs RUN

[multi-lefaiye]

tick, tock.

[ #FFF234: HOW IT ENDS ]

HIIIII hi <3 i have some writing to share, after about 500 years.

this was originally written for today's @/flashfictionfridayofficial prompt, HOW IT ENDS, but i ended up going way over the limit and didn't wanna edit it down. so. it's not part of that anymore. but i'm including the banner anyway bc i like it <3

so, for context, this is based on a specific scene in act two of baldur's gate 3, a specific interaction with wyll that i love so so much, featuring my tav, the tiefling eden linnaeus <3

content warnings: semi-graphic threats of violence, but honestly mainly just spoilers for bg3, if that's something you're worried about.

words: 1692

tagging the art taglist, bc no gods no masters (no pressure to any of y'all to read! <3 and if you want to be added or removed, please let me know): @skitzo-kero @anexor @presidentquinn @albatris @chaieyestea @astral-runic @kk7-rbs @jezwrites @whonsper @moonflowerrss @approximately20eggs @rosesandartss @lychniscitrus @invaderskoodge @transmasc-wizard @midnight-and-his-melodiverse

----

The projection of Mizora is every bit as imposing as the first time Eden saw her. She stands tall in the heart of his camp, his safe haven, her clawed hands on her hips and jagged teeth barely hidden by her rose-painted grin. As always, she stares down at him with clear disdain, crown of horns perched high on her brow. She has a smug air about her that says, You are beneath me, nothing more than a pathetic ant beneath my boot.

At this moment, all Eden wants is to rip that pretty face apart. If she ever gets the guts to actually stand before him, he might do just that.

Tonight isn’t about that, however. Tonight is about Wyll, who stands next to Eden with a resigned sort of grief on his handsome face. He bows beneath the weight of Mizora’s expectations, as always, and the ridiculous suicide missions she sends him on. Wyll is dutiful, kind, and deeply honorable, and she seems to delight in every torturous humiliation she lavishes upon him. Kill this devil for me (yes, Mizora), move this mountain for me (yes, Mizora), tear yourself to ragged pieces for me (yes, Mizora). It never ends.

Even now, she appears just to torment him, holding promises of freedom over his head that she has no intentions of fulfilling. His suffering is a game to her, one that he has no hope of winning.

One thing is abundantly clear: to Mizora, Wyll is little more than a dog, her loyal pet for her to keep on a tight leash and kick as she pleases. And he’ll always come crawling back to her, because he has no choice in the matter.

And that, Eden decides, is unacceptable. 

“Ta ta, pet,” Mizora coos, winking playfully at Wyll’s clenched jaw, the way he casts his eyes down at the ground. Submissive. Cowed. It doesn’t suit him. She waggles her dainty fingers at him in a wave. “And do make haste. I’d hate to have to ruin that pretty face of yours if you fail.”

Something inside Eden snaps.

“Wait,” he says, taking a step towards the devil. She blinks at him, clearly surprised that he spoke up. “What’s in it for him?” Mizora snorts.

“I thought I was quite clear,” she purrs. She holds up a finger for emphasis. “As per our contract, Wyll must do whatever I ask of him. And, now, he must rescue my stolen asset from Moonrise, or else I will rend his flesh from his bones and-”

“Yes, yes, we heard you the first time,” Eden cuts her off. “Save us the fucking theatrics, you winged sack of shit.” He waves a hand dismissively and rolls his eyes. “My point, however, is that I don’t see why he should do anything for you. You haven’t given him anything--isn’t that the point of a fair deal?” He’s treading dangerous waters, he knows, but he’s not backing down now.

The devil ponders his words, her expression twisted in fury at his insolence. Clearly, the bitch isn’t used to mortals who talk back. Finally, she asks cautiously, “What are you proposing?”

Mizora glares at him, and for perhaps the first time, Eden understands what it means to face down eternal damnation. Her burning eyes promise hellfire, but Eden meets her gaze unflinchingly. And as he does, he sees something he didn’t before: a spark of fear, of desperation, in her face. Mizora is scared. Whatever asset she needs Wyll to fetch, she’s fucked if he doesn’t get it for her.

There’s blood in the water. And, like a shark, Eden strikes.

“End your pact with Wyll.” The words seem to echo like a gunshot in the otherwise quiet camp. “He’s done everything you’ve asked as your errand boy, and you’ve done almost nothing in return. The contract has served its purpose, so if you want anything else from him, end it.” Distantly, Eden is aware of the others in the background, talking among themselves as they wonder if they should intervene. But Eden doesn’t care about that now. His focus is on the evil bitch in front of him, and the noble man behind him.

Then, Wyll’s voice sounds in the back of Eden’s mind, clearly terrified of where he’s going with this.

What are you doing? he asks. Eden glances at Wyll out of the corner of his eye and sees the man watching him with wide eyes. Wyll is terrified, that much is clear.

Trust me. Eden meets Wyll’s gaze, his face carefully neutral despite the pleading words. Please. Wyll hesitates for a moment, trepidation shining in his face. A heartbeat passes, and he nods, steeling his gaze.

I trust you.

Something in Eden’s chest warms at the words, at Wyll’s unwavering faith in him, and he turns his attention back to Mizora. She’s still glaring at him, but she looks unsteady. He’s clearly on the right track. He just has to keep digging.

“Why should I?” she sneers, and now Eden sees how defensive the gesture is as she crosses her arms. “You have no bargaining power, boy. Wyll made an agreement with me, and he’s obligated to-”

“Tick,” Eden says casually. “Tock.”

“What?” Mizora barks, furrowing her brow.

“Tick, tock, Mizora,” Eden says. He smiles at her, the expression baring his fangs. “Every second you spend bitching about what Wyll should do is another second you waste that we could be helping you.” His smile grows as he imagines sinking his teeth into Mizora’s flesh. “How long until the Absolutists destroy your precious asset, removing her brain and replacing it with worms? We’ll have to act fast if we’re to get there in time. By then, it may be too late.”

“You don’t-” Mizora starts in a snarl, her fingers curling into claws, but Eden doesn’t let her finish.

“Tick, tock.” He snarls back in a feral grin. “What do you choose? Tick, tock, tick, tock-”

“Stop,” Mizora growls.”

“Tick, tock, tick, tock-”

“ENOUGH!” Mizora cries, her voice a booming thunderclap that almost shakes Eden to his core. Almost. She staggers away from him as though burned by his words alone, raising her hands to hide her face. For a long moment, she stands there, shoulders shaking ever so slightly.

Whoever Mizora needs saved from Moonrise, she’s clearly as important as Eden assumes if the idea of losing her is enough to unsettle the devil this deeply.

The devil takes a breath, shuddering as she collects herself. Finally, she lowers her hands, crossing her arms again. She glares at Eden, but there’s no heat in the expression now, not after Eden laid bare how desperate she really is. He glares back at her freely, his expression triumphant. He’s won, and they both know it.

“Fine,” Mizora says through gritted teeth. She takes a breath again, schooling her expression into a calm smile. “Fine. I will release Wyll from his contract.” It sounds like she’s forcing herself to say each word. Eden hopes it hurts her to say them. “After he rescues the asset.” She throws the last part out like a challenge, grinning viciously at Eden, and he only shrugs in response.

“Naturally,” Eden agrees easily enough. “That’s only fair, after all.” Something glints in his eyes. “When he rescues the asset, you will release him from his pact.” It’s not a request, and Mizora clearly knows it, based on the way her lip peels back in another snarl. “And if you even try to weasel out of this, I’ll personally ensure the Absolute devours you and your precious asset whole.”

It’s an empty threat and he knows it, but the flash of terror in Mizora’s eyes at Eden’s words tells him she believes him wholeheartedly. Good.

Mizora averts her gaze, clearly unsettled, and turns away from Eden to look at Wyll. “You’d better move quickly, pup,” she barks, desperate to cling to whatever power she has left in this situation. Eden decides to allow it, for now. “Looks as though we’re both on a time limit.”

Before Eden can examine her parting words, she disappears as swiftly as she arrived, the illusion melting into a puddle of black ichor on the stone floor. In seconds, the muck evaporates, leaving behind nothing more than a dark stain, a smudge of shadow in the flickering firelight.

The moment she’s gone, Eden lets out a breath of his own, his shoulders drooping ever so slightly. His heart pounds something fierce in his chest, his victory over Mizora lighting a fire in his veins just as much as it fills him with pure, exhaustive relief.

“I…” Wyll begins behind him, swallowing audibly. “Eden, I… Not that I’m not grateful, but why-”

“If you want to beat a devil, you have to beat them at their own game,” Eden says simply. He suddenly feels deeply uncertain, and he shifts as he crosses his arms. “And, well… you’re my friend. I’m tired of her making you play alone, so I’m gonna help you beat her.” That’s half the truth, anyway.

Eden turns his head to look at Wyll, and he’s nearly taken aback by the man’s expression of pure, unabashed awe. Wyll is looking at him like he’s the most remarkable creature in the world. There’s something else in his eyes, something else that Eden can’t quite identify, but the expression makes something stir deep inside Eden’s chest.

“We’re not out of the weeds yet,” he continues, smiling bashfully, “but this is a start. We’ll just have to make sure Mizora upholds her en-”

Before Eden can finish his sentence, Wyll surges forward and wraps his arms around the smaller man, pulling him into a tight embrace. Eden freezes in surprise, his words dying in his throat as Wyll buries his face in the tiefling’s neck. It takes a moment for him to realize that Wyll’s shoulders are shuddering, ever so slightly.

“Thank you,” Wyll says, his voice watery with unshed tears. “Thank you.”

There’s a million things Eden could say in response. But instead, after the briefest moment of hesitation, he just hugs Wyll back, holding his friend gently.

[causenessus]

HI SMAU ANON HERRE!!!

so ive never written a day in my life so any and all pointers are GREATLY appreciated ilysm/p

chocolate danish (title maybe?)

angst -> fluff rivals to lovers

fem! reader studying at a culinary arts school and wants to open a pasty business in the future her rival (tendo) whos studying choclatier who admires her strong will and passion tries to get in her head while not realizing his crush on her ?

im not entirely sure about the plot but i think its a start :3

again tysm i love your work sm 😭

AW ILY ANON <33 (/P) chocolate danish sounds like SUCH a cute name and i think it would do amazing as a smau!! like with the environment and world you've built <3 there's definitely so much you can do with that like having tendou's gc trying to tell him he's obsessed with her (/pos, in a "u LIKE HER BRO" kind of way) while he's just like "no no i just want to crush her DREAMS" and yn sounds amazing!! like literal queen right here I want to go to her pastry shop please!!! rivals to lovers sounds ADORABLE so i think you have a really good idea going for you my love <3 I'm not sure it you are looking for opinions on anything in particular and don't be afraid to send in another ask if you want to ask any other question!! but all I'd say is take your time <3 for me personally I like to outline my stories bc I get very excited to write them and want to know where I'm heading but that's also because of my brain which somehow is able to write entire outlines in like one day (for cold kisses) and I think love notes took me two days. by taking your time I just mean give yourself time to think! and don't stress yourself out at posting anything at a certain rate!! you have all the time in the world and it's important that you enjoy yourself!! you definitely don't have to write outlines if you want to free hand it! sometimes outlines can feel restricting or cause burnout and none of that is good </3 you never have to follow an outline if you don't like it later as well! another thing I'd say is just have sources of inspiration! whether that be a pinterest board, movies, tiktoks, music, whatever you like!! but i think it definitely helps :) like for love notes i have a pinterest section called miscellaneous texts that just

helps with inspiration for texts i imagine between suna and yn! so I think having inspiration helps keep your brain going yk, and like for cold kisses i got super inspired seeing ice skating tiktoks! so I feel like yk seeing pastry tiktoks might be cute and things like that <3 mainly all I can say is have fun with it!! and don't nitpick your own writing. I know it's hard but people WILL enjoy your works!!! sometimes you'll catch mistakes that you think will be obvious to others but most of the time no one else will notice!! they'll enjoy your fic so do not stress too much about how other people will think or see your fic!! try not to stress about numbers as well! I promise that things will blossom with time and i'm so happy that you've decided to try out writing but that's why it's important to give yourself grace!! your voice as an author and skills will continue to develop with time so don't think things have to be perfect immediately <3 I've said this 100 times but binary stars was SUCH a test run for me that smau is the bane of my existence BUT it was important that I did suffer through that smau so that I could learn from it and get to where I am today!!!!

sorry to yap <3 I hope that's a little bit helpful <3 they're just some general tips! but if you were looking for something in specific like help with outlines or plot PLEASE TELL ME!! I want to help I just wasn't sure what you were looking to here if that makes sense 😭 I am so excited for you anon and I would love to read it when you post it!! if you feel comfortable sharing it <3

[lunabug2004]

My Engineer... Such an Interesting Watch Every Time... **SPOILERS**

I just started rewatching My Engineer today, and I realized I've never talked about it on this blog despite it actually being one of my comfort shows.

Now, I have an interesting opinion about the show as a whole... that being that I actually hate the main couple. Every now and then, I will try to convince myself to watch their scenes, and this was one of these times, but I can barely even get past the first episode without skipping scenes. I find their relationship very weird from the beginning. And I do not like Bohn at all. Their relationship throughout the show does nothing but annoy me as they are so childish and dramatic for no reason.

Now, you may be asking how it's one of my comfort shows if I dislike the main couple so much... and it's purely because of everyone else. The whole supporting cast of characters are so likable to me that I am fine to skip over any BohnDuen scenes just to watch the other two couples and the friend groups (other than Duen's in ep8...)!

I know most people came out of the show begging on their knees for more RamKing... and don't get me wrong I absolutely adore them, King is actually my second favorite character! But I am actually one the few who fell head over heels for MekBoss, despite Mek's awkward dubbing! I find their relationship is just the right amount of bittersweet and they are both such sweethearts that I just can't help but love them! Plus the actors' chemistry is very good! I remember being so annoyed when watching for the first time because Boss is my favorite character but all the people, or really more-so the random strangers, in the show (and even some of the audience) treated him so badly. Like calling him ugly non-stop and annoying, even though he was such a sweetie! Yeah, a bit of a flirt, but idk something about him just grabbed me! (I do actually think it may have to do with how similar he is to Can from LBC, who was my first favorite character from a Thai show from the first ever Thai show I watched, but idk bc I feel like he would've been my favorite anyways).

This show has always been so controversial, and it definitely would not still hold up as well if it came out today... but I think it's still a fun watch and watching MekBoss or RamKing moments will always lift my mood! And yes, I am adding this to the post bc I mistakenly looked at the MDL comments... people are so negative sometimes 😅... The only issues I had with this show was mainly BohnDuen-related and sometimes TharaFrong-related (just found them kinda forced & boring). But, I will say I am someone who is not afraid to skip around in a show if I'm not enjoying certain characters so 🤷‍♀️.

Anyways, all of this to say that My Engineer is definitely one of the BLs that is in a strange spot in my heart, as I can only watch it and really enjoy it when I'm skipping a huge portion every time, but still feel the want to rewatch it for the side couples! Crazy! MekBoss and RamKing will forever be the saving graces of My Engineer! 🙂‍↕️