#this is long im sorry im wordy lately

[abdomensect]

It's very much not the same as historical prejudice and the horrible shit done to LGB people, but you're wrong that it's never discriminated against

but im gonna say in the modern day, im 19 now, and when i was still trying to figure myself out and trying to fit myself into boxes, when i said i was lesbian or bi, people were very accepting or neutral

whenever i've told people I'm asexual, it gets met with prejudice, rude overly personal questions, assuming it must be due to trauma, denying it exists, denying my experiences, insulting me because of it, saying it's a disorder, suggesting corrective rape or therapy to "fix it", etc etc…

it took me a long time to come to terms with it, i know i'm young but i spent years feeling broken, unlovable and trying to fit myself into boxes for something that was more socially acceptable. in the modern day i have a lot more similar experiences, worries, & trauma regarding my growing up with an abnormal sexual orientation as lgb people my same age in the US (obvi different ages, places & people will be different duh)

especially idk how you can say it's not a sexual orientation, it's just a word not based on oppression olympics. as homosexuality is attraction to same sex. Asexuality is attraction to no sex, no people, and no desire for sex, (without distress about the lack of sexual desire and/or lack of libido, which constitute sexual disorders), the other microlabels are mostly stupid, but you're a bit ignorant.

or maybe I'm just missing the point and this rant is cringe & i'll delete it if i was super off base, oh well ;P

i’m going to say it

‘asexuals’ have no business in the lgb community and i say that being someone who would classify as asexual even if i don’t like the term

it isn’t a sexual orientation and has never been discriminated against unless you count asexual women being forced to marry which is a woman’s issue and not an asexual one

also forever laughing at the other supposed asexual orientations that account for… sexual attraction?

[spirestar]

How did he get here? How did they? When did he fuck up so royally? And why isn't he asking himself that anymore as Karlach speaks?

❝ You're not alone. ❞ A bit of blazing light puffs from beneath her skin, leaves her glowing in the darkness like a beacon. ❝ You'll never be alone. Not as long as I'm here. ❞

For all the many gods he doesn't believe in, if there was a new one elected to some pantheon for their ability to ensure everyone in a camp was asleep when things like this went on, Astarion might have been influenced to consider their divinity. Because he's desperately grateful no one else can hear her / Can see the unbridled shock that overtakes his every feature. There's no twinge of a pompous smile he can manage to level her with: She means it.

Astarion wishes he could make himself very small. He often does it already with words. Obfuscating his true self beneath something larger than life comes to him naturally. As if he's a wild beast with an inviolable exoskeleton. The armor is an innate part of him. Take it or leave it—and he makes people leave it. Karlach was meant to, too. But where the others were often more focused on their own goals and issues, she too often took time. To poke at him, to realize when things have begun to wear him down, to know when he's not ready to speak and when he needs to. It's disgusting really! Awful! People are meant to be their usual selfish selves around him so he can have his way. It's all he thought he wanted in this new world of tadpole-induced freedom. A little space to exist and soak up the sun before some awful thing steals it all away from him someday.

Astarion's voice breaks like a dry twig snapping, "I—" Crimson eyes dart back to the campfire's last embers. On nights like these, everyone's better off surrounding Karlach for a fire than its sad excuse for warmth. His pale curls bounce as he shakes his head incredulously. "Stop that." He's not sure what else to say. It almost sounds like a promise. Astarion hates promises. They only exist to be broken. He has to refuse it, to push back—Clearly he should have before / Should have known he was too honest and too much like the part of him that's cocooned beneath his defenses. The one he pretends doesn't exist at all.

"No need to be so sentimental, dear!" Course correcting, Astarion waves his hand in the air to dissolve whatever intimate—not the kind he uses, but the kind of intimacy that terrifies him—tension his brief lapse might have built up. "It's not as if we're planning to split up any time soon. After all, I've never had as lovely a meat shield as you, Karlach." His usual haughty tone is hollow, though. Far away. If she presses, he'll have to let up. If he can't distract away, he'll be forced to lash out or. Be truthful. Either one would flay him open. Astarion finally tries to smile again. "Why would I ever give that up?"

@hauntedurge

[emmyrosee]

hi emmy! congrats on the milestone!! (im sorry for being late 😔) u deserve so much more love <3!! i feel rlly proud for u, even tho i started following u not long ago :) i can feel u being sincere with everybody which is rlly cool! :D and i wanted to do 27 from your prompt list and 4 from the second list on hugs w/ tsukki :) i hope u have a great day and stay healthy and take care!! -anon :)

YOURE SO SWEET, THANK YOU FOR YOUR KIND WORDS 🥺💖

Honestly I want this to be a place where anyone feels welcome to poke around, so to kinda hear that you get that vibe really does mean the most. ALSOO my first Tsukki piece!! Hope I didn’t do him dirty!!

27 “I swear, I’m not scared”

4 Hugs “Comforting”

—

“Are you sure-”

“Yup. I am perfectly fine with this circumstance.”

Despite your quivering words and tense shoulders, your eyes never leave the screen. Seems to be mistake, as instantly, the monster portrayed in the film hides just in the background, barely in sight. Kei rolls his eyes while yours absolutely refuse to leave the monster that lingers without being noticed by the protagonists.

Next to you, an equally scared but exponentially enthralled Yachi, on the floor are the other three third years who shout at the stupidity of the characters on screen.

Movie nights have always been a tradition, especially on Halloween; like hell you were going to disrupt the fun.

Not like you were scared or anything.

“If you’re scared, I can ask Tadashi to-”

“I swear, I’m not scared,” you hiss. Your body betrays you, as your finger nails dig at your cuticles, anxiously scanning for the monster the movie finally has panned away from.

“But what if it’s real?” Hinata says, popping some gummy bears in his mouth. 

“What if what’s real?” Kageyama asks back.

“Like, what if you were killed in any rage? Do you think you would come back as one of those?” Hinata’s finger nudges at the screen, referring to the horrors as if they’re not fake.

“You keep talking and I’m gonna kill you in a fit of rage,” Kageyama snaps, and a few feet away, Tadashi snickers.

“If I come back as one of those demons, I’m gonna haunt you so bad!”

Next to him, Kei hears you whimper, and he lets out a snarl at the idea of the others making you afraid.

“That’s enough,” Kei finally snaps. “Shut the hell up, or we’re leaving.”

“What’s the matter?” Hinata teases. “You scaaaared we’re gonna haunt you?”

You look away, embarrassed. If looks could kill, Hinata would be buried by Kei’s.

“You already haunt my everyday life, that’s horrific enough.”

Finally, a quiet falls back over the group, engrossed in the rising tension. You look like you’re completely settled in rigor mortis, and you look so scared he thinks you could puke straight onto Yamaguchi’s rug.

With a deep inhale through his nose, sucking up his pride, Kei wraps an arm around you, pulling you closer to his side. You make a small, confused noise at the sudden affection, and he noses at your hairline.

“Kei? What’re you-”

“I’m scared,” he says simply, though there’s a total calm in his voice. He conceals you slightly in his frame, the flashing on screen dimmed in his hoodie fabric. “Hate this shit, but I know you want to finish it, so I’m just gonna... hold you.”

An overly wordy, but extremely soothing “I know your stubborn ass doesn’t want to leave, so I’ll keep your cover.”

You blink, surprised at the gentleness in his voice, but you decide to curl against him adoringly, melting in the comforting embrace, the friends scattered around you two being none the wiser to the chatter between you both.

You press an soft kiss to his jawline, feeling immensely better in the bulk of his arms. Your eyes gently flutter close and you take selfish inhales of his scent, mumbling a soft “thank you,” into the meat of his bicep. He nods and settles back down for his own physical comfort, the whole group gasping out as another scare plagues the air surrounding you both.

The scare fades, and you feel your breathing even out as you rest against your boyfriend, mind at ease and-

“Ohhhhh, I get it! Tsukishima wasn’t scared, but-”

There’s a sudden thump and a pained whine from Hinata, quickly then followed by “don’t kick me, Suckishima!” Your laughter gets muffled in the hoodie, mingled only with the other laughter from the other boy, Yachi quickly asking if the middle blocker was okay.

Definitely a tradition.

[spelllingandthemysteryschool]

hi yaz 🍊 (<-for u) right now im going through that awkward friendless period of my life and have been for a while. i've been following you for a long time and wondered if you had any words of wisdom for those of us in the thick of it. thank you ❣️

(p.s - from what we see online you've seemed really well lately, and its genuinely very encouraging. thanks 4 spreading the joy)

hi! so sorry for letting this ask sit there for a bit... i wanted to make sure i could answer it thoughtfully! 🌟 i ended up writing more than i expected so i apologize if this comes across as a bit wordy.

first of all, thank you so much! it really means a lot to me to hear this... i am literally just Random Girl Online so i’m truly honored & i think you’re incredibly sweet to say so 😭💝

secondly, i’m sorry you’re feeling this way! it’s a miserable place to be emotionally & difficult to talk about... but i promise promise promise you will not feel this way forever. i was so lonely it hurt for a very long time, i guess if you’ve followed me for a while you probably remember. like it was PAINFUL how unpeopled my life was, and i was really embarrassed by it too because no one else seemed to be going through it quite so badly. but honestly, i think... most people actively are or once were lonelier than they are willing to admit, so it’s not an experience that’s awkward at all, and not something indicative of there being anything wrong with you specifically (which is all too easy a conclusion to come to), and it is definitely, DEFINITELY is not going to be this bad always. there are so many lovely people in this world who are just on the cusp of entering your life without your even realizing it yet... at one point last year i took a second to look around me & it suddenly occurred to me that things had gotten so much better for me in a way i genuinely never imagined during the worst of my loneliness, that completely unexpectedly i had come to know a good number of people i liked and cared about.

mostly all i can encourage you to do is to be around people in whatever way u can even if you don’t currently have a circle of friends to turn to. if your school or a local museum or a similar institution is holding some kind of lecture, attend it even if u don’t know anyone else who’s going! you might strike up a conversation with a stranger u unexpectedly get along with and make plans to get to know each other better, or you might just get to lightly chat with a lot of people who u never see again. both of these things are nice in different ways. if your workplace is holding a little potluck for someone’s birthday, go even if it’s just for the sake of having cake and cooing over photos of your coworker’s new puppy. text friends who live in the area who u haven’t seen in years, spend the afternoon at the park together & see if you want to make room in each other’s lives for these new versions of yourselves you’ve grown into. sign up for art classes where u can struggle through something you’re unfamiliar with alongside others who are struggling through it the same way & bond over this for a few hours each week. be the first person to text in a groupchat of people u only sort of know. tag along to study with someone from your class at the library & see if it becomes a regular thing with other people from the same class. maybe you won’t befriend all the people you go out of your way to interact with, but chances are you can and will befriend a few of them! and even if it doesn’t end up working out, a little camaraderie goes a long way in pulling a person out of the pits of despair.

if literally none of the above is an option for u in any way whatsoever right now, just try your best to keep going anyway. which sounds stupid probably, i’m sorry; i would have been CRAZY irritated if anyone told me this when i was so lonely i could hardly think about anything else. but i read a lot of poetry, i played a lot of video games, i watched a lot of movies, i spent so much time out of doors watching the birds and trees, i talked to my relatives more than ever before, i messaged some mutuals so often they turned into genuine online friendships that meant the world to me then and mean the world to me still. it hurt that i didn’t have people to share any of this with the way i wanted to but i still experienced a lot of really nice moments when i was alone & in some ways i feel more equipped to deal with loneliness after living through so much of it because i know now that i’m capable of enjoying things even in the throes of isolation. resilience isn’t sustainable and i sincerely hope you don’t need to be resilient about this for much longer, but your life is not on hold, and if u just keep going i believe you will still experience lots of meaningful and good things until your social life starts to pick up, at which point u will experience lots of other meaningful and good things!

also i guess i already mentioned this and definitely feel free to ignore this bit if it doesn’t apply to you, but be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking this is somehow your fault or because there is something inherently off-putting about you! this is absolutely not the case… not having enough or even any friends is just something that happens sometimes. it’s a much more common experience than it feels like & there is nothing wrong with you! believing this and giving in to the shame will cause you undue pain and isolate you further when people reach out or enter your life if you feel you aren’t deserving of friendship because whatever shape your insecurities happen to take. so just... try and be kind to yourself. this is something i struggled with a lot & that’s why i bring it up, but again, you can totally disregard it if it doesn’t align with your own experiences.

i guess that’s all for now! i don’t think i’m saying anything new, so i don’t know how helpful any of this was. i mostly just hope it wasn’t pedantic! i was trying to think of things that genuinely worked for me or things i would like to tell me of a couple years ago if i could speak to her somehow, and i ended up writing a lot because this is a topic that means a lot to me. basically i just mean to say u will be okay! with time and effort and a little bit of luck you will be okay & you will find yourself surrounded by the nicest friends and acquaintances who genuinely really like you and who you genuinely really like in return. loneliness is just something that comes and goes... sometimes it is a little harder and more painful to get through than other times but it never lasts forever. i hope you take care of yourself & i hope it all starts to work out really well, really soon ❣️ love u

[strongheartneteyam]

💌 A messy open letter/life update to my moots, readers and followers (?)

MY LOVES MY ANGELS HI!!!

IM SO SORRY FOR NEGLECTING Y'ALL FOR SO LONG my kitten is just now healed enough (not fully healed yet. she still has sutures) for me to be able to let her walk around the room and play by herself without being too dangerous for her health and I FINALLY was able to sleep more these last 4 days (I didn't talk to ANY of my friends for 3 days bc all I could do was sleep - even during the day, like, a lot - watch movies n read a bit (books, not fanfiction)/study neuroscience and anatomy a bit) so, now, I'm only like 70% recovered from so much sleep deprivation (being an amateur nurse for a spayed kitten and also doing house chores, mostly by yourself, ain't easy) and I've been logging in here for like only 30 minutes up to a maximum of like 1 hour or so, and not even everyday, just editing some stuff on my posted fanfiction/checking my notifications, messages, asks and OMG you guys are AMAZING!!! So much love that I'm receiving, from moots, readers, followers or even people who I don't think follow me but they support my works somehow, even after me being gone for this long while... IM SO THANKFUL AND MOVED!!! I love this fandom SO MUCH! I have no words!! I've been in many fandoms in my life and the Avatar one is by far the most supportive, peaceful - to a certain extent - and full of good energy and love! I PROMISE I will get to answer y'all soon enough!

And about the talk that's been going on about the fandom dying, DONT U WORRY MY BABIES, MOMMA VICTÓRIA AINT GOING NOWHERE! Speaking for me, at least, this tall blue aliens obsession is NOT something temporary! I'll be writing my lil stories for y'all forever, if I'm able to (lol) 🤍 I've loved Avatar since the first time I watched the 2009 movie, back when it was released and I was a child, and now that I'm a grown woman in her 20s, I still feel such a big connection to this fictional universe, in a literal spiritual level. I was a pagan/had a witchy/nature based spirituality for years of my life, tho I'm not pagan anymore, since I slowly realized I never truly believed in the pagan gods and magick, but, instead, I just see God in nature and see it as sacred and something that should be respected and taken care of, instead of destroyed. I also have indigenous heritage from my great grandmother, love my indigenous culture, live in a small town, next to the countryside, always felt crazily connected to nature and the Universe and been deeply fascinated by space, aliens, sci-fi, fantasy, always been called a "hippie" by people, either to tease me playfully or to try to make me feel bad for being a bit too much like Kiri Sully (istg me and Kiri are one and the same) so, this fandom serves me JUST RIGHT 😅🫀✨🌱👽💕 I'm here to stay and I WILL help keep this wonderful fandom alive!!! 💖

Anyways... I feel like I already "talked" way too much lol I'm wordy, sorry 🥲 but that's one of the reasons I can write well, so... it's got its bad and its good side ahaha

Speaking of writing, I have like 6 to 7 chapters of Realize where you belong saved (only need to edit and fill in some gaps) bc, even in the middle of so much physical and mental working, I'VE BEEN SO BLESSED with inspiration and been able to write A LOT lately, in the wee free time I've been having, so... if you're reading this fanfiction, I might be updating it later today or tomorrow!

Hope you're all doing good and taking care of yourselves! I've been trying to! I LOVE Y'ALL TO THE MOON AND BACK 💘

With love, your messy and a bit crazy but honest and caring fanfiction writer,

Victória ♡

[aydeenchan]

In my eyes, you're currently holding the crown of simping for the actor of Dar Basri (don't knooow his real name), so now I gotta ask you to officially rank all of his appearances/characters in order of who you fancy the most 🗣️

[Hope the question isn't too wordy and complicated lol 💛]

Oh you're so wrong by asking this.. *crack knuckles*

First of all thank you! But no.. im not the crown holder 🤣, the harem is pretty much crowded.. if we share him, we also share the crown.. 🤭

His name is Sukesh Khosla, and no.. im not simping for him, I simp for his digitally rendered looks in TDPA. He's handsome yes, he's a model of course.. but i grew up/ living among Indians/descent, so seeing face like his or Erin's model just feels like seeing neighbors 🤣.

This rank made based on my fanciness by emotional attachment :

1. Hector Munday/Granthem Du'Met.

He's a mountain of a man, imposing, upon saw him i'll start running.. to him. He's weaponized his 'flaw', we not questioning his head from the intelligence, insanity or bald spot, he's exquisite. He's childish, seems like unorganized but in purpose, just want mother, praises and play hide and seek with blood and gore included. I can make a powerpoint presentation of this man.

2. Cpt. Dar Basri.

Too much hate for him, he's just want his homeland free, keeping his people safe.. his wife included. What would someone do when their home invaded? Fight back. He just took it too far and blinded by rage (I shared the same beliefs with him and Salim so yeah.. he's fighting for a vain.). But he's willing to join force in sacrificial chamber, at least.. he knows better. And what better? 17.53/5.53 p.m is Iraq time for Maghrib prayer! *Bonk* go to Mosque with your men instead of ambushing Americans!

3. John/James Clarke/Joseph Lambert.

In their respective order.

-John is insecure, trying to be alpha man yeah.. pathetic. Probably got bullied growing up, or have a toxic family. Relate.

-James is depiction of my late bio dad just not alcoholic. Tried to do his best, but cant stand pressure. He wasnt mean nor abusive from the start.. he just swam in toxic water for too long he couldnt reach the surface anymore.

-Joseph because he's Joseph. A family man, stood strong with what he belief till the end.

Im not so much revisit Little Hope, because i'm not mentally well and that game is so tragic.

So yeah.. all ranked.. this is a whole word tsunamis.. sorry 🥺.. this 'tism sometimes really did wonder 🤭

[hellfollowed]

SO YOU WANNA GET TA KNOW ME 'EH?

NAME?: toni

PRONOUNS?: she / her (i do like saying ya boy a lot, but i am in fact, female)

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION?: ims, (I'm just now learning discord but I do have one.) i'm just slow as all hell with a short ass attention span so more often than not i'm gonna be late replying. i'm sorry in advance.

MOST ACTIVE MUSE(S)?: right now it's definitely mick, man is running absolutely rampant and i love it

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS?: i have been rping since the end of my middle school days/just entering highschool. soooo since like 2011? my first ever url was bunchofbasketcases lol

BEST EXPERIENCE?: initially coming back after being gone for so long and finding new people (especially people around my age too!) i was scared that i was gonna be old as hell amongst teenagers coming back but i was so pleasantly surprised and that has been one of the best experience so far

RP PET PEEVES?: lil ass icons, the real teeny tiny ones when that was the trend

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT?: all of it, imma sucker for it all

PLOTS OR MEMES?: i like plotting stuff out so i know which way to go when i'm writing but i also like the randomness of memes too for the same reason i guess so both

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES?: depends on the mood ngl, sometimes i can get wordy myself and then other times ya boy struggling

TIME TO WRITE?: whenever my brain decides lol honestly often in the middle of the night

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)?: i do the writer thing where i add a little piece of myself to all of my muses in some way, shape or form. i like to do a shared trait between us and then the rest is complete oppsite of me so uh not too too similar to any of 'em.

tagged by @irrwicht (I thanks ya m'dear!)

tagging: @spicyundead, @welcometothevale, @dxsole, @worthless-weight-in-gold, @escapedartgeek, @pacificgrims and really anybody just tag me!

[cuuno-moved]

I want the full rundown of Dustyverse please because I’m having a hard time pinning down information on it for some reason (please)

ok im. going to do my best to make this completely cohesive. sorry, this might get a little wordy

when new york city karate prodegy yoshi hamato is 15, he gets lost and ends up finding a very sinister looking evil lab with a bunch of animals in cages and jars and stuff. he gets caught and the people who own the lab, the foot clan, realize that he has a lot of potential decide they're going to experiment on him to create super mutants to help shredder on his quest for world domination. after a few days, yoshi manages to get free, scooping up a bunch of weird little ping pong ball things and throwing some of them, realizing too late that they were eggs. turtle eggs.

something goes wrong and he and a handful of eggs get sprayed with mutagen- a very unstable substance that was not out of testing.

scared, lonely, and in the worst pain of his life, he sneaks into the sewers and curls up to die.

he doesn't. he ends up turning into a rat- around 18 inches long. a few hours later, the eggs he'd forgotten he'd grabbed hatch, and he realizes they're tiny little snapping turtles that can cry like babies.

he ends up taking care of them, and teaching them to speak, and how to walk. he's not exactly the best father, because he is- again- 15, but he does his best.

one day, when the turtles are 10 or so, they bring home a skinny teenage human with a busted up face, and yoshi- who goes by splinter by now, because he feels he's not a whole person anymore- agrees to take him in and teach him to fight. naturally, the turtles also want to learn, so the four of them and young casey jones learn together how to become ninjas.

one day, casey makes it into a pro hockey team, and is interviewed by a very pretty young reporter named april o'neil. he's pretty much immediately smitten by her, and they start dating. unfortunately, in his second game in the big leagues, he gets a terrible horrible concussion that leaves him in a coma for a month, and when he comes to, he has amnesia, and doesn't remember much.

the turtles hear about what happened and decide to figure out a way to get him to remember them, and their best solution? grab him and drag him into the sewers. april sees this and thinks they're sewer monsters, and gets a gun to go down there and fight them.

one misunderstanding later, and they're all one big, happy family.

also usagi is there but i haven't decided how he fits in.

[cant-think-of-a-good-one]

⎛⎞_⎛⎞ ⎜o o⎟ ⎜ w ⎟ < twick or tweat! ⎜⎜ ⎟⎟

ah a creture !!

im sorry im responding to this late. its probably not halloween there anymore. i was too busy at school sitting on a chair and also relaxing because i felt like im tired after sitting so long and deserved it. um anyways

i think you deserve a treat yes

but what treat? wait let me look for something.

how about this. while looking in my twitter archives i was been reminded of the existance of this image. this is one of my favourite snake images. maybe not my favourite exactly though? there might snake photos more than this one. but this one. its um special to me? i found it on the internet searching for cute sneks, and of all of them, ive picked this one to save on my computer. or maybe i remembered it wrong? basically i ended up saving it to my puter somehow

it was a while ago. or at least i remember it like it was a while ago. let me see. oh it was two years ago. i dont know if thats long. but i think it is.

back then i used it for any imagery things. i think one of my first tumblr posts is me reposting the result of a thing i made to turn images into ascii art. yeah so i turned the snek into glyphs. lol now i just rememberd i also posted the result somewhere else and they thought it looks like a whale. i also used it to test an image upscaler i found. and i frequently used it as banners or backgrounds and stuff when i felt silly. i really liked this image. looking at it again, i now like it in the present too.

yeah i gotta admit this is numerous words. im just in a wordy mood right now okay. im sorry but i have to pour all the thoughts in my head somewhere. i have to ! before they evaporate. hapy halloween !

[bananabraces]

say and think whatever you want about me and compare our stories as much as you like but you will never understand how it felt to grow up with the long wordy story of how your dad isn't truly your dad and have your parents refuse to let you see your biological father all of childhood due to drug addiction and plain jealousy with the exception of the few times he tried to get clean for you only to find out just how much he tried to see you and how much he cared for you and loved and you and to see the texts between him and your grandmother where he asked if it was too late to see you just days before he overdosed. i'll never forget finding out more than you had ever known about your dad through a funeral pamphlet and the tearful stories your loved ones shared, how my grandpa had to excuse himself with a quivering voice as he talked about his own son dying, how i wasn't even mentioned at all in any of the speeches or the obituary, how my dad knew his little nieces more he ever knew me, how there's a whole family out there who shares the same brown eyes and auburn hair as i do and ive never been apart of it, how i can only see his smile on my face through the mirror.

i miss you so much and im so sorry that i never reached out that i always left you on read and pushed you away i wish we couldve gone to lunch with grandma like she wanted and worked on schoolwork together like you offered. i can't think of you without crying.

[anxsity]

this is in no way meant to be an eloquent statement to those who don’t know whats happening or are still trying to process the gravity of it in regards to the entire cryaotic situation/consequences of it, I just wanted to jot my thoughts down somewhere to get them out of my head.

i stopped watch the lnc around the same time that red left. it just felt so off after that. i’d stop in occasionally for old time sake to get a hit of fond nostalgia but i wasn’t truly invested in it. and it’s just so weird now that everythings come to light to look back on both my own personal perception of people and the fandom’s. the demonization of russ and chey, the mystery surrounding ziegs, and how it felt like cry could do no wrong.

how it was known that chey was 16 when she and cry started dating while he was in his 20s. but i was younger than her at the time so I just naively assumed that people that old would be mature enough to date someone in theirs 20s. looking back on it now as someone older it just makes me want to scream! she was a child what the fuck! 

god i grew up watching cryaotic’s videos. i started learning to draw through stupid fanart of youtube gamers as i watched their videos in sketchbooks with shitty colored pencils. sketchbooks and pages im sure i still have tucked away somewhere. I always had this soft spot for them, and his videos especially. I know a lot of people did. It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you aren’t a child anymore, and he isn’t the person you thought he was.

[teethcake]

Well, been long enough! Think its about time I return here, I miss you all!

While I had a rough rocky few days for a few reasons, im excited to say that I'm coming back ( that be it a little slowly still ) to all i missed and especially you all! I really miss drawing somewhat regularly so I hope here really soon ill be able to FINALLY fulfill my need to draw creepypasta again bc you guys, i miss drawing jeff and EJ and Slender and them all SO much ;;

I might clean my inbox too, i ever so much appreciate all the support asks too, oh my goodness you all are so sweet ;; Ill get too all i can with asks but it can be overwhelming to have the amount i have in my inbox so, going to do some long over due spring cleaning ;; my sincere apologies if I never gotten to your ask/ request. I hope to get to it eventually one day!

That being said, my apologies for being so inconsistent with activity this year. I know i shouldn't say sorry but I appreciate you all sticking arounf with me and enjoying my stuff still! But NOW onto what I really wanna say:

To kick off everything, tell me about your fave animal crossing character/ experience and ill do an attempt at a gijinka bc may or may not be an excuse to draw animal crossing but also to just talk ab AC ;; ( going to be doing a six fanart for insta too and might so one for both Twitter and tumblr too )

[safetycar-restart]

Hiiiii 🍋 here! This is bit long bc head full many thoughts and also im v wordy sorry

The Seb pitch!! (With fair dosage of Charles and a bit of Lance in the mix oops)

I was thinking past d/s au setting bc it has BEWITCHED me it literally feels like all the itches scratched at once but I digress

I have a lot of feelings about late Ferrari Seb and just. The whole strain of it and how much of a relief it would’ve been to have an outlet like this, an opportunity to just let go. He is curious and even excited, at first, when Ferrari brings in a professional Dom. It will certainly be good for Charles who is on the verge of snapping constantly by then, and will hopefully be very good for him—he’d get to let some steam off for once, follow instructions and just not. Think. At all.

It doesn’t exactly feel right from the get-go, but maybe—maybe it’s normal. Maybe it’s not supposed to, maybe he’ll get used to it, this is a professional, surely, they know what they’re doing, right? Right? But time goes by, and it doesn’t get better, and it feels like someone reaches inside his ribcage every time to rummage about with dirty hands with no regard of what’s inside, and afterwards he always feels used and abandoned and in pieces and usually with a complete wreckage that is Charles on his hands as well, because apparently what happens to them after they finish a scene is not their Dom’s problem.

So he does his own research, and then he goes to the bat with the management to remove this psycho, but nothing happens. The contract is signed for a year already, and in any case, they come highly recommended, maybe he just doesn’t get it, maybe he just needs to try harder?

He tries ignoring the sessions. The problem is, he feels antsy without them, even as bad as they were, restless, and after the third one he’s skipped he gathers enough strength to come pick Charles up, because realistically he can’t be doing too good, what with no aftercare and Seb not there to keep an eye on him afterwards at least a little.

It’s not just not too good—it’s bad. Charles ends up in a cage with a tiger when Seb’s not there, and it takes such a toll on him it’s actually alarming, but he refuses to skip the sessions—he just can’t. But could Seb, maybe, go with him every once in a while? Please? So he wouldn’t be so scared and alone in there?

And it’s not like Seb does half-measures, and to be fair ‘every once in a while’ wouldn’t’ve cut it anyways, so he returns. His body gets less shaky after that, but his skin is still crawling sometimes, and he still gets a lapful of sobbing Charles every time and is completely helpless to do anything about it but keep going and trying to comfort and protect him as best he can.

Then he changes teams. He barely needs half a look at Lance to know that if push comes to shove, he’d have the same exact problem on his hands, and to know that he’d protect him, too, because how can he not? Aston Martin has changed the Dom at Lance’s request, which is encouraging, because at least they listen to their drivers if something is wrong, but also unnerving, because there is no way to know if the new Dom is actually any better without testing it out on their own skins.

The problem is, he is so tired. Has been, for years now.

He comes into the session squared up as if this is the last fight he ever fights, Lance half a step behind him, eyes wary—and you know immediately something is not right. You could’ve chalked it up to being anxious in the face of the unknown if neither of them has subbed before, but you know for a fact that they did, for a full year, and your heart clenches at the thought of what sort of damage had been done for them to come in like that. You’re prepared to go slow, as slow as you possibly can—take them out for a coffee, discuss their limits in as much detail as you can get, assure them that they’re free to set their boundaries and you will respect them, do some non-sexual subbing for quite some time before moving forward. You expect it to be a ride and a half before you get them to be comfortable with you.

The thing is, Seb is so exhausted. He doesn’t realise the extent of it himself, not really, but you can see him slip up, strain to be present during discussions; he admits he doesn’t sleep very well.

“Why don’t you lie down while Lance and I talk things through?” you tell him, and he kind of eyes you and lifts his eyebrows.

“Is that an order?”

“Do I need to make it an order?” you ask, and he starts smiling at that. Shakes his head slightly. You tell him to pass you the pillow from the couch and lay it on your lap. He looks at you curiously again when you gesture at the pillow, but lies down without questioning it.

He is really tired—enough for him to fall asleep in a minute or two, you and Lance quietly talking through some of his remaining concerns. You notice you’ve started to play with Seb’s hair only when Lance smiles at that.

“Did I say you could get up?” you ask when Seb wakes up, and he blinks at you, disoriented at first, but then smiles and lies back down.

“Sorry,” he says, flushing a little. You get him to stay on the couch with you for the rest of the session and even beyond as far as his schedule would allow. He starts to fidget when it gets dangerously close to his next meeting, but you tell him to relax and trust you to know how to take care of him. He looks up at you and swallows. Nods.

It’s the moment you win him over—because all he wanted for so long was for someone to take care of him, even if just for a bit, take the responsibility from his shoulders for just one moment. He almost collapses into your hands as a result, willing to give you whatever you ask of him, and you actually have to hold him back a little because of how eager he is to give back twofold.

It also becomes your thing after that—him lying in your lap, whether it’s because he needs rest, or is lapping at your fingers while Lance helps you get him off, or hides his face in your knees while sitting before you on his heels, whining and straining not to come as a plug is buzzing away deep inside of him and you pull at his hair gently, telling him what a good boy he is, taking it so well for you.

Holy fuck 🍋 this is INCREDIBLE. Seriously this is so SO good I can’t even.... I am so impressed holy fuck.

Ok ok I’m gonna do my best to add some thoughts but I honestly don’t know how I can make this any better because it’s so fucking good.

Seb always trying to look after Charles is so sad but he can’t stop himself. He has to protect charles. Even though he’s so hurt himself, he has to.

I also think that watching Charles get worse and worse also makes it so much worse for Seb? Cause Charles is just.... falling apart.

Seb can turn away and refuse to be dommed and yes he’ll have some negative consequences and eventually have to go back, but at least he can function for a while. Charles can’t. Charles can’t function AT ALL.

And yeah eventually he just has to go back. It’s not any better than it was before. He hates it. And the worst is, he can’t even allow himself to drop deep into subspace and ignore it all, because he has to look out for Charles.

Their aftercare is just Charles sobbing in his chest as he tries desperately to comfort them both.

So yeah, he’s not exactly optimistic with Aston Martin.

While I do think lance had his own problems with aston’s previous Dom, they weren’t as bad as seb’s problems. Which is why lance isn’t quite as bad as Seb when you meet them both.

It breaks your heart to see how Seb immediately pushes lance behind him, trying to protect him. That lets you know immediately that Seb expects you to hurt them.

You sit them down and start to tell them how you work, and you can see how seb’s shoulders start dropping. It’s like the moment his body realises that he’s sort of safe with you, he immediately just drops.

He doesn’t even feel safe, but his mind seems to believe you’re not going to hurt him or lance, and so can’t keep the walls up anymore.

Seb is so surprised when you ask him to lay down. He never expected that. If anything, he thought you might be angry with him for not paying attention.

He’s hesitant to lay on your lap when you offer it, but then you go to the cupboard and fetch a soft, fluffy blanket. And well, a soft pillow on your lap and you have such a nice blanket and honestly he’s just.... he’s so tired.

So he lays down, snuggling against the blanket when you drape it over him and he’s asleep so quickly.

You play with his hair as you discuss things with lance. Lance is weary of you, but much less so now that you have Seb napping on your lap.

Seb wakes with a start, confused by where he is and even more confused to realise he’s very comfy? And he’s not as tired as before?

Of course you’re going to make him stay laying down for longer. You can see how tired how he is, how desperately he needs someone to just take care of him.

You don’t miss the way he relaxes when you say “let me take care of you, I will decide when you have to move. You just lay there until I say so”

He just falls into your domination, so happy to finally have someone there to take care of him, to help him feel better and take the responsibility away from him for a while.

It’s almost overwhelming how quickly Seb allows you to control him, how he just gives himself over to you, like he can’t bare the weight of his own decisions anymore.

He definitely ADORES laying on your lap from then on. Even when things gets sexual, it’s still his favourite. Just letting him rest his head on your lap as you slowly jerk him off is one of his favourite things to do.

I think from there, Seb leans on you a lot? Even when you’re not supposed to be scening with him. He’ll just come to find you, curl up on your lap when he has a few minutes. Or even just talk to you?

He loves grabbing lunch with you, loves how you always listen to his complaints or just talk about his day.

One question still remains though, what about poor charles?

[noodlegirl-googlyeyes]

hey! im noodle, or Ellie, and i was tagged to answer some questions abt myself by the wonderful and very rad @theprocfilesystem, thank you so much!

relationship status: single and not at all looking. i don't know if i ever will be, tbh, mostly just because i don't see myself as the kind of person who would want to. but, since it's late, i'll go ahead and overshare that i do have a regular hookup going with my main gal lliJ (im left handed) that meets my needs for sexual expression quite adequately

favorite color: for a long time it was deep purple! it was my sadboy color for sure. now that im a girl, though, it just feels sad, so i decided my favorite color would be yellow! so, yeah, its yellow :>

favorite food: carne adovada, a New Mexican dish made with Hatch red chile and (usually)pork! red chiles are dried and ground, as opposed to the green variety, which is usually roasted fresh. sauces made with red chile tend to have a very dark, smoky flavor, and have a particularly exquisite spice to them. there are many varieties of a protein in a sauce eaten in/on some carbs, but a carne adovada burrito really stands alone, for me <3

the song stuck in my head: unfortunately, it's 'Hip to Fuck Bees'

the last thing i searched online: i had to start typing in the word 'etiquette' because i couldn't remember how to spell it, but the last actual search i made was 'wired switch controller'(im just gonna get the gamecube style one probs)

the time right now: 11 pm exactly

dream trip: honestly it's less about the location and more about me being somewhere with someone who knows the area and culture well. partially it's because i won't enjoy anything if i don't feel safe, and/or if i feel alone, and partially because i hate being a tourist. i just wanna be there.

something i want: ive wanted to get a PC for awhile, it's been years since i had one. it doesn't have to be super fancy, just something that can handle a half-decent DAW and, like, be able to play my metroidvanias (lone fungus is out now btw and it looks amazing!) cherry on top would be someone to help me get started using linux, bc windows and apple can both go fuck each other.

thanks again for tagging me UwU i appreciate u! i would like to nominate @star-crossed-animals , @spoopyscaryalien , @dominoscarsidedelivery and @zoeadrien but u dont have to if u dont want to! also if u wanna do these kinds of games but no one ever tags u, u always have my permission to say i tagged u :>

in addition i'm adding another question: whats a piece of media(book, movie, show, album/song, etc.) that you feel represents you or an aspect of you that you haven't seen a lot of representation for? i know it's kind of wordy, sorry. but for example, mine is bojack horseman. when i was deep in my dark times, there were so many things about myself i hated. i started watching the show around season two, and i saw some of those parts of me in bojack in a way i'd never really seen before in media. in diane i saw some too, as well as some of the things i'd forgotten i loved about myself, but it was mostly bojack. he is not a good character, or role model, and the fact that i related so much to him was disturbing, sure, but also strangely comforting at the time. as the show continued to air, i grew as a person. i never finished the last season. by the time it came out, my values had diverged so much from his that it was kind of hard to watch. and for all my mistakes, i'm so proud of who i am today compared to that lost, lonely, angry figure slowly torturing himself to death.

like i said, its late so im oversharing lmao anyways ty again and peas and love on planat earf ✌️

[sunatooru]

Emergency request

REQUESTED BY @haikyutiehoe :okay this is going to be a little complicated but this is an emergency request with a emotional/mental/physical breakdown in response to a new semester approaching rapidly (you had a good but difficult semester last time and one class even drove you to mild self harm - no scars - just the act of hurting yourself out of frustration) With the inariaziki team but with sakusa there too (probably comes around to practice). The reader is their manager and comes into their practice and while the boys r huddled up talking strategy against a practice school you come up behind atsumu and land the hardest fucking punch you can (mainly because he can take it and you just needed to hit something) but you start sobbing right after. how do the boys react? they take you to the boardwalk and try to cheer you up but you’re still pretty upset and broken and everyone takes really good care of you and id love to see kita being the one to really comfort you emotionally with genuine sweet words that make you feel almost better than any hug ever could (although all the boys hug you)and they also somehow get bokuto on a ft to talk to you and calm you before the night ends. 💕 plz i know you’ll do this justice. im sorry if it is wordy and long but i just need to bury myself in these boys also can i kindly request it be kinda long and detailed? again i intend to abs bury myself in this and not emerge for years.

~

@haikyutiehoe I hope you like this and are feeling much better, you always have my love xxx

~

Warnings; breakdown crying, biting yourself, pulling your hair and low self worth

~

You stare at your new timetable for the semester. The classes so close to each other, the same classes you had only just managed, assigned at the worst times. The memories off the late nights, missed meals and stressed morning flood your head. Why couldn’t your life just be easy?

And to make it worst, the semester starts in two days. Two days to get yourself organised. Two days to attempt to fix your broken schedule. Two days to breakdown before the stress consumes you again and has you lashing out. And those two days speed by.

You’re scrambling to get the right book open, your handwriting messy as you scribble down the words your teacher is saying. Your grip on your pen tighter than your understanding in the class. You can feel your ears warming up as the teacher starts to close their lecture. You look around and can see everyone else relaxed, nodding and you can’t help but feel left behind. And then the bell rings. You thought it would make you feel better, but you can’t even put your things properly in your bag as the students start to leave the room.

It’s too much for you. You can’t seem to get anything right. Your breathing gets heavy and you need to get the frustration out. So you bring your hand to your mouth and bite down hard on your flesh. The harder you bite, the less you think about your previous tension and more on the pain. You pull away and scrunch your eyes to see clearly at the indents on your skin. Dark teeth marks expressing how you felt. But when you hear footstep approaching, your feel your anxiety increasing again, so you pull at your hair hard. Letting out a aggressive shout before grabbing your stuff and heading for the gym. You cringe at yourself for almost forgetting there was a practice match and you needed to be there, as their manager.

When you walk in, you see the boys huddled together. The coach standing back as Kita explains how everyone has a part to play. And you just don’t know what’s got you so angry. Was it how everyone else seemed relaxed? That they were composed while you couldn’t even follow your schedule?

The urge to hit something strikes and you subconsciously thank god for Atsumu coming into your perspective. He’s taken a (unintentional) hit from you before. So you charge at him. His muscular back in front of you as he squirts some water into his mouth, totally unaware that you’re approaching him. Your arm pulled back, fingers forming a fist and you punch him. You punch him so hard the liquid misses his mouth and he yelps.

“What the fuck!” He yells.

He turns around, tongue ready to call you out and insult you for hitting him, but the shake of your shoulders stops him. The gym goes quiet as you sob uncontrollably. Dropping your knees to the ground and covering your face as you cry. Atsumu looks around helpless, not knowing how to react. So he drops onto his knees and wraps an awkward arms round your frame.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks in the softest way, letting you fall into his chest as you continue to sob.

The rest of the team have been watching and abandon their team talk and rush towards you.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Did someone do something?”

“Someone get her some water and a clean towel”

They bombard you with questions and hugs. Aran rubbing your back, Osamu using a towel to clean your tears and Suna handing you some water. They wouldn’t want to make things worse.

“Is she okay?” You recognise the voice, forgetting that Itachiyama’s player, Sakusa Kiyoomi, was coming around to practice some shots. The person you were suppose to greet first and help settle in.

Fresh tears spills when you think about how you couldn’t even do your own job.

“Come and bring her out there.” You hear Kita say and you ball into Atsumu’s chest as he carries you. Your feet weakly hitting the ground as they bring you outside.

You can’t even bring yourself to look at their faces. The embarrassment increasing as they just look at you worriedly. The silence would’ve continued if it wasn’t for the captain speaking.

“Please tell us what’s wrong.” He urges politely.

So you tell him. You tell him how class have you stressed out and panicking and how life is just not working out.

“I’m sorry to hear that. But you should know that we think you are amazing. You always help us out. Always check up on us, stay behind and put up any mishaps. I know school can be hard for some and that it can get overwhelming. But, you can get through it. You’re strong, smart and have so much to offer...” he grabs your hand with your bite marks starting to fade.

“..please don’t hurt yourself. We are here, all of us. If you want, I can help tutor you or we can relax some of your duties? If you feel this way again, do not hesitate to speak to me.” He holds your hand and rubs his thumb against your skin.

“It’s okay to cry from the anxiety. We all know you’ll do amazing again this semester and we all just want you to smile again.” He finishes.

“Please?!” Atsumu pleads.

You start to relax, a small smile growing as you nod at them.

Somehow, they made you FaceTime Bokuto, the person who always cheers you up. His voice booming out the speakers as he asks what’s wrong, if you’re okay and then proceeds to say anything to get you to smile. The voice of his own coach scolding him to get off the phone during practice making you laugh.

“Finally.” The boys around you release a sigh, the smile on your face making their worry fade.

For now you were happy, and they’ll be there to pick you up if you ever fall down again.

[jackwolfes]

will we be seeing more sub alex one day? no hurry please write whatever makes you the happiest but your fics are my favorite so i wanted to check and see 👉🏼👈🏼

alright this is a much longer answer than i think you were expecting, buckle up + i am sorry 😂 and also thank you im glad you like them it's very sweet of you 🥺

so the thing isn't that i'm no longer into rwrb or firstprince, it's just that i have so many ideas so quickly that are, given what im currently writing, in different fandoms. HOWEVER i have looooooads of like, draft fics for FP that.... might see the light of day? or will hopefully see the light of day! i havent revisted them lately and i think a big long break writing other things was what i needed, so may well go back to them now, especially if there are certain ones folks are interested in 👀 theyre not all sub alex and most of them are actually not nsfw! but i also dont write dom alex so any nsfw firstprince fic is... gonna be sub alex 😂

tl;dr bc that got wordy: i dont have any imminent fics to give you a concrete "yes and here's when they'll appear" HOWEVER i can definitely say the answer isn't no!

i will drop all the different working docs/premises/drafts under the cut for anyone who's interested in seeing what might be coming up (pls do ask about them if youre curious, discussing fics helps me get excited to finish them!!!!)

almost done/being worked on fairly consistently:

'won't lose you' (alex gets kidnapped/held hostage fic - keep wanting to finish this but it gets pushed down behind wesper things bc i have so many wesper things to write)

'discreet packaging' (smut adjacent fluff/comedy, i'll let you imagine what this is 😂)

not quite done but with a fair amount already written:

prequel to 'buzzing' (yay sub alex)

'glass' (not explicitly sub alex but there's no plot, just sex)

'im in the stars tonight' (drunk pez & alex shenanigans)

'testing testing 123' (what is effectively a psa about safe sex and getting tested, might get written for HIV awareness day bc i love a theme)

OC cafe banter (probably will just appear on tumblr one day)

'soft for you' (more smut adjacent comedy/fluff)

'follow my lead' (strictly come dancing au except im also writing a wesper strictly come dancing au that will come first i think? who knows. also fun fact: this is a CMQ crossover! so jane and august are in it)

body swapping (magical realism where they swap bodies which is so FUN but i also do not have the brain space to finish it properly so it just exists in a limbo)

'the clock is ticking' aka the sequel to do you want to play a game (yes THIS FIC! THIS FIC! IT'S THIS FIC I WILL FINISH IT ONE DAY BUT I ALSO HATE WHAT I'VE WRITTEN SO FAR AND IT MAKES IT VERY HARD TO ACTUALLY DO IT. like i will finish it because i want to finish it but i wont until im happy with it which is going to be a lot of brain space)

ideas floating about in my brain with nothing else whatsoever:

follow on to god bless the nhs that i want to write to cope with my GFs broken bone (she is fine)

royal wedding fic that i was going to write but then shit with harry and meghan broke bad and i was like, fuck at least this fic would have been accurate but i need to rework this now

a few long form norabug things that i do want to write but again, all the long fics in my head right now are a completely different fandom and vibe so... who knows one day