#its 5am and i cant sleep sorry for the late post!!

[midnight-mourning]

Hiya! Its your secret skeleton from that one dca event here...

I am SO SO SORRY about being so late

I really hope that you're still okay with receiving your gift, and i cant apologise enough for not reaching out sooner

Im just now pushing through to add the last finishing details, and will be posting within roughly about 12 hours :)

Honestly id love to finish it right now, but its currently almost 5am for me and i am already sleep deprived TwT

Again, im so sorry about the trouble, but i really hope you still enjoy the gift ^^"

(Teeny tiny hint hint - its related to your wonderful fic Confused Spirit! :) )

(I started reading it as prep for the event, and honestly im IN LOVE. INVESTED!!!!!!)

HELLO!!! IT'S SO GOOD TO HEAR FROM YOU!!

Ahem, sorry, it really is nice to hear from you!

I appreciate the apology but please don't feel too bad!! I know how life gets and totally understand. Getting this message now is really nice and greatly appreciated :)

No rush to finish either! Just happy to know you're alright and to know my gift is on it's way (between you and me I ALSO worked on/finished my gift at 5 am-)

Very VERY excited, and thank you again for reaching out <3

also also, so glad you like the fic!!

rest up, I'll be on the lookout 👀👀 (expect lots of love in response)

[sexybabystevie]

i literally JUST made a post about this but its genuinely killing me so i feel like i have to say it again. but i am, again, very sorry that my writing is taking longer. valentines day event requests should have been done days ago. a week ago, even. my inbox is totally filled with requests from months ago. i genuinely try not to let this account stress me out too much since i do this for free and because i love writing, but general exhaustion and anxiety has started making me feel like im not doing enough when im barely managing to care for myself in the first place. its just been hard.

i dont really have the motivation for much. i want to do things, sure, but i cant find any reason to do them. starting things or even continuing them is exhausting. like ive been in such a "i need to consume media and talk about it" kind of mood lately but i just cant start anything or even rewatch anything because its too overwhelming.

i genuinely dont sleep at night. im pretty much nocturnal. i dont sleep until, at earliest 5am, latest 7am. thus far, anyway, it could change. i have a feeling i could stay up until 8 or 9 today. not willingly but i cant sleep unless my brain is completely exhausted.

its just really hard to enjoy things lately. anything at all really. im exhausted, i know sleeping regularly would help but ive had sleep issues since i was 9 so i dont think theyre getting fixed. its a huge annoying cycle tbh. i just need to say that im trying i think. like im genuinely trying to answer everyone and im trying to get through requests. im trying to write and im trying to come up with posts and new story ideas, and all i want to do is write. for you all and also because i have a cool idea i wanna write out but its so unbelievably hard to actually write it. im just trying but i dont know if it makes a difference or not.

[teethcake]

Well, been long enough! Think its about time I return here, I miss you all!

While I had a rough rocky few days for a few reasons, im excited to say that I'm coming back ( that be it a little slowly still ) to all i missed and especially you all! I really miss drawing somewhat regularly so I hope here really soon ill be able to FINALLY fulfill my need to draw creepypasta again bc you guys, i miss drawing jeff and EJ and Slender and them all SO much ;;

I might clean my inbox too, i ever so much appreciate all the support asks too, oh my goodness you all are so sweet ;; Ill get too all i can with asks but it can be overwhelming to have the amount i have in my inbox so, going to do some long over due spring cleaning ;; my sincere apologies if I never gotten to your ask/ request. I hope to get to it eventually one day!

That being said, my apologies for being so inconsistent with activity this year. I know i shouldn't say sorry but I appreciate you all sticking arounf with me and enjoying my stuff still! But NOW onto what I really wanna say:

To kick off everything, tell me about your fave animal crossing character/ experience and ill do an attempt at a gijinka bc may or may not be an excuse to draw animal crossing but also to just talk ab AC ;; ( going to be doing a six fanart for insta too and might so one for both Twitter and tumblr too )

[winterbl0ss0m]

you know ??? why do people get so pressed over self shippers and stuff … literally “i got some Freaks recommended to me today i just saw someone with ship art of themself and ku//rapika as their header” like ok?? good for them. i dont know what your problem is with that, theyre having fun and they arent harming anyone. why do people always criticize others for “cringe” or “weird” interests like its fucking 2021 there are other more important things going on that you should be worrying about than someone who ships themself with a fictional character but go off i guess

[mabpersonal]

we clowned aespa for their ae and kwangya concept without looking into what that actually (might have) meant. or maybe we did and we just like to joke around abt it lol.

there are many ways and angles to take on this. i have yet to finish close reading lyrics of savage (ep), and i'm mostly taking cues from how aespa's concept was introduced through debut/smcu eps, visual narratives from their MVs, lyrics from black mamba and next level, etc. so i might be completely off. nevertheless here goes death of the author. this is going to be really messy and i have yet to completely and properly write a think piece on this but i just want to let it out so we can stop pretending that aespa's concept is anything short of genius.

ever since sm released smcu ep. 1 i've been thinking about how we built an entire virtual world and just accept that we interact on it on a daily basis without realizing it sometimes. like the internet, NFTs, digital fashion—an entire virtual world outside of what we tangibly/physically experience is out there. and i think it's quite a sign of the times that we are asking questions, creating music, building an entire kpop group that explores it. at university, i've been encountering lots of text and literature that talk about this specifically--evocative objects by sherry turkle being the most recent one.

like what defines our human experience, is it the physical world? and what if the virtual inventions of mankind found their way into our daily routines as much as those of the physical world has (hello 1992 invention of the www who wouldve thought)? what does that interaction make of us (and our virtual personas), how much (dis)connection are we experiencing from the fact that virtual everything has been on the rise? how much is it making us lonelier? happier? more human? less human? -- truly some philosophical questions here sometimes lol

the pandemic actually accelerated that because we don't have much choice but to go online to connect, to shop, to deposit money, to interact, to read, to entertain ourselves. where do all these things end up? floating somewhere in the virtual world yet they play such huge part in our lives!!!! it's really mind blowing if you just take a step back and try to take in how much of our lives are facilitated by virtual tools... people?

if you have other literature that can provide an angle/another take on this. i'd be happy to hear about them! this actually makes me so excited because of how this can really be explored in aespa's discography and the smcu.

i'm sorry its 5am where im from, i've just finished uni work and haven't had sleep. just had to write this and think out loud so i cant find the right words to this atm. I promise when i find the time i'll flesh it out more haha and maybe link a blog post of some sort.

do share related ideas! for those who have close read smcu and aespa's lyrics, are there any textual evidence that point/prove/support this thought? would love to hear them.

this is the first time im diving deep into this so if it has been brought up before but the memes / ae clownery just overshadowed them, dont crucify me for being late to the party!

[kingrenjun]

92 questions tag

thank you so much @haedreamers for tagging me in this!!

92 sounds like a bit much ... but that’s fine!!

this is the perfect opportunity for my almost 900 followers to get to know me a bit better

i’ll put a cut here bc this post will be long (sorry to everyone on mobile, cuts dont exist for you)

THE LAST …

1. drink: fanta

2. phone call: my best friend!

3. text message: “how are you?” lol

4. song you listened to: probably dunk shot by nct dream?

5. time you cried: i dont remember :/

HAVE YOU EVER …

6. dated someone twice: no

7. been cheated on: no thank god

8. kissed someone and regretted it: nope

9. lost someone special: in some way?

10. been depressed: ...well

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS (12, 13, 14):

navy blue

pastel (blue/pink)

black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU …

15. made new friends: yes!! thankfully

16. fallen out of love: no

17. laughed until you cried: multiple times

18. found out someone was talking about you: yes! but not in a bad way ig

19. met someone who changed you: yes!!

20. found out who your true friends are: indeed

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: i dont use fb

GENERAL STUFF

22. how many of your facebook tumblr friends do you know in real life: i dont use fb but like... one.. lol

23. do you have any pets: a dog, two guinae pigs and a turtle!!

24. do you want to change your name: not anymore!

25. what did you do for your last birthday: i think i went to the cinema

26. what time did you wake up: 5am...

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping

28. name something you cannot wait for: a.c.e debut !! (pls everyone stan a.c.e (their tumblr tag is a.c.e7, they are so talented its insane!)

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: i can see her rn

30. what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: a few things

31. what are you listening to right now: the sound of the laptop fan....

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: im friends with a tom!

33. something that is getting on your nerves: stupid ppl and elections with bad candidates

34. most visited website: idk

35. elementary school: done

36. high school: dont wanna bother you with the german school system rn... but technically yes

37. college: doesnt really exist here...

38. hair color: i’m letting it grow out so its mostly my natural hair color rn (brown) but the ends are still a bit lighter

39. long or short hair: shor

40. do you have a crush on someone: on min yoongi ...

41. what do you like about yourself: i’m a nice person ig...

42. piercings: my ears are pierced but i never wear earrings

43. blood type: idk

44. nickname: i dont have one

45. relationship status: alone

46. zodiac sign: sagittarius!

47. pronouns: she/her

48. favorite tv show: lately i’ve been watching riverdale... but my fav show ever is parks and rec

49. tattoos: i kind of dont have any? also not planning on getting any soon

50. righty or lefty: righty

FIRST …

51. surgery: haven’t had one

52. piercing: my ears

53. best friend: idk? i think in elementary school

54. sport: nope nothing bye

55. vacation: german north sea

56. pair of sneakers: lol idk9

right now …

57. eating: nothing

58. drinking: -

59. i’m about to: take my make up off

60. listening to: -

61. waiting for: the day to end

62. do you want kids: not really

63. do you want to get married: its not something i deem necessary but im not against it so yeah idk

64: what career do you want: no idea...

WHICH IS BETTER …

65. hugs or kisses: both are great

66. lips or eyes: both...

67. shorter or taller: taller usually but both is fine

68. older or younger: usually i prefer older but younger can be ok

70. nice arms or nice stomach: idc

71. sensitive or loud: a good mix!

72. hook up or relationship: relationship

73. troublemaker or hesitant: both in a responsible mix

HAVE YOU EVER …

74. kissed a stranger: no

75. drank hard liquor: -

76. lost glasses/lenses: only for a bit but i cant live w/out my glasses

77. turned someone down: not really? maybe once idk

78. had sex on the first date: no

79. broken someone’s heart: i hope not !

80. had your heart broken: yes

81. been arrested: no

82. cried when someone died: yes

83. fallen for a friend: not that i can remember

DO YOU BELIEVE IN …

84. yourself: at times

85. miracles: no

86. love at first sight: not love necessarily but a crush(??) ig

87. santa claus: no

88. kiss on the first date: do whatever pleases you idc

89. angels: no

OTHER …

90. current best friends name: dont want to say for the sake of their privacy

91. eye color: blue!

92. favorite movie: i really dont know (this reminds me that i still need to watch hurricane bianca)

i’m tagging @yaballabahiya @haechance @iiharu-chanii @fairyprincerenjun @vkookgotmeshook @renjun-ee @savemarkshair @markleetrashh @nct-dork

[to-forgetmenot-blog]

vii

제이비,

How are you today? How was your birthday? I hope you had fun. You deserve it. I’ll promise to give you cake and gift next time! You already know my wish for you and I promise to give you more because I know you deserve it. I’ll keep on supporting your music. Don’t worry. I won’t leave you.

Today was really tiring. It’s my first day back in college and we’re already doing a lot of stuff. Did you know? Last year I always sleep around 3am to 5am and I’m still not tired. Today, the moment I got home, I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. My back hurts and my brain hurts and I just want to rest.

I hope you don’t experience that kind of thing. I know you guys always practice and practice and you don’t have time to rest. Don’t worry, we’ll be your energy. Everything you practice will always be worth it. Don’t stress about it.

So I got a little late today. My first class was just about lecture on what we should do after we graduate and of course we introduced ourselves, that kind of stuff. I hate those, you know? I hate talking to people, but I need to learn how and I need to boost up my confidence. But yeah that’s what happened on my first class.

After that, my friend who visited South Korea while we were on a vacation gave me free stuff!!! I got ten posters of you guys, some post cards, and a key chain. I love it. My key chain is with my house keys and it has 50000won on it. I love it and its kind of funny. I kept the post cards on my notebook and the posters at my room. I was very happy when I got it. I even posted it on social media. I can show it to you soon.

We also celebrated my friend’s birthday today. We had unli chicken wings, unli rice, unli macaroni and cheese, and unli iced tea. I saved a lot of money today and I really had fun with my friends. I love them. I hope you’re having fun, too. I hope you’re having fun with your friends. You deserve a break. You really do.

After that, my last class was 6pm to 9pm and it was about our portfolio. Of course I got really stressed because we need to pass a lot of stuff. I’ll probably cram myself on it. Wish me luck tho! I can’t fail it because I need to start my OJT next term.

I guess that’s all today. I’m sorry I’m blabbering too much. I just want to let it all out. 

Have fun tomorrow, okay? I’ll always be here to pray for your health. Don’t worry. I know you can always do it! Take care, okay? See you soon!

사랑해요~

Good night.

[ab3lle]

2016 update! (part three) (last one)

August, 2016

I got an offer from ums. that time i was checking thru sms. 

“Tahniah, anda di tawarkan ke Universiti Malaysia Sabah, kos HC13.”

What the hell is hc13 and i was actually expecting something related w food. (yeap science again just for the sake of ibu) eg: food tech, nutritionist, blabla. but it was actually an e-commerce. and never once in my life i heard about e-commerce. i did a lot of research. i asked everyone what is e-commerce. i checked the job oppurtinity. i was reluctant at first. bcs i told my friend, i mmg want to further at sabah but i wont go if got a nonsense course. i was really clueless that time. but my dad really support me. he asked me that it was ok. just go w the flow. thats it. i finally accept the offer. went for the orientation. and was really close to jiji since then.

September, 2016

I fall in love w the beauty of labuan. people at labuan started to address me as bella/belle instead of nab. so whenever i heard someone call me ‘nab’ at labuan, i feel weird. basically, whenever i am at labuan, its alright to call me bella/belle. anw like ji and tia, they still stick to nab instead bella/belle. i also went hiking too for the very first time in my life. at bukit kubong. 148 above the sea. one of the highest places at labuan. (besides umskal building) i also starts to experience celebrating hari raya aidiladha at labuan. at first in the morning after solat sunat hari raya, we went to one of the lecturer’s house which basically she’s also once a umskal student, to have some celebration at her house. we gather w the seniors from second, third and fourth year w from both faculty, (fki and fkal). i started w taekwondo again but mehhhh. it was only lasts for a day. bcs i stopped for a while and i forgot almost everything. so sad. plus my stamina pun out. so i decided to quit. (does it sounds like i’m giving up?)

October, 2016

Ghost house to gain some money for umskal got talent event. went inside to experience it but i was really scared tho i kenal every one yg jadi hantu. theres one day i went wall climbing and i cant go any higher bcs i am too heavy (gotta admit that) and teman ji and tia played futsal at night. a productive day i can say. its also the month i started to feel like i fall for my crush when i randomly record him make a cendol. (sorry, ex-crush) like, out of nowhere. but think back, i think i fall for him earlier when i first met him at klia. used to like him. used. sewa kereta at friday for 2 hours just for the sake of nasi kerabu at kedai ganu w ji and tia lol. and oh, fki family day. i was reluctant to go at first which i didnt sign up my name at first. ended up, someone said to me, “kau tak pergi fki family day, kau siap belle bila aku jumpa kau” and i terus muncul tetiba at the bus stop, that morning. hehhh. also, umskal got talent was held on october. had some problems when kertas undi tak cukup, so kak tyka and i, run naik atas level 3 to print a new one. i freaking run. i think i lost about 2.1kg that night. that was on semi final. its actually good to have some activity to do at night besides sleep. like i usually do. during the final, which was held 2 weeks after, it was good. had some problems too. tired, but satisfied. it was my first event that i joined, and it was good. i started to drive back since i left it about a year+ not driving. yeah i dont have problem in driving except not being able to drive properly, bad in guessing the distance between the car that i drove and the car behind me, took hours to park the car, and the list goes on. at the end of october, went to kk city during the mid sem break. it was my first time reached there. i went w jiji, and her friend, hamir came all the way from johor bahru. the planning was upside down i can say lol. from the hotel, food, transportation, shopping, all messed up. sokay we learnt from experience hahaha.

November, 2016

Took class photo. yeah class photo. i was lazy at first but just bcs my friend, she put such efforts to coax me and join the class photo, so i came all the way from cafe to menara. had mandarin midterm at menara. i thought i’ve done my best, but the results came out makes me feels like mehhhhh. struggling w e-commerce 3k words assignment, which i thought should be handed on 10th November but end up the lecturer said it supposed to be handed on the 10th weeks of lecture. me being me, me and last minutes works are really like a best friend. best friend for ever till jannah. told myself should change to a better me but meh. lets hope i’ll change one day. bought a new sneakers when i lost one pair of my freaking new shoes. tipulah if i said i didnt sad. but mybe not my rezeki kot. big thing happened on november i think was, tamu gadang event. from protocol to urusetia. tired but i really like the experiences. during the graduate run, i was supposedly get ready by 4am, ended up i woke up late and i was there at 4.30am or is it 5am. i really have problem when it comes to wake up early in the morning. big, problem. and i just realize the pokestop at umskal suddenly went missing. i was really sad that time. no kidding. went to palm beach resort after find some things for sispa booth. main buai while enjoying the scenery there. really makes me fall in love w nature, beach, and labuan.

December, 2016

Karkomkal event. since i joined sispa, i will join karkomkal for 3 semesters. bcs sispa is actually badan beruniform and have to take till my third semester. means what? on the next sem, others are enjoying wake up late, and i’ll be rushing on saturday morning for sispa lecture lol. indian cultural night, we (me, ji, and tia) didnt take part in that event bcs we are lazy already. and accidentally wore red, some color w them. what a coincidence. had titas presentation too on december w the most 1 malaysia group ever. 1 chinese, 1 sarawakian, 2 malays, and 2 indians. its good to get the chance to mix w all the races especially when you are out from yr zone. also, our programming group project. took us about 1 night to do it, and about less than 2 days to find and fix error and we did it. and i really thought that ‘class’ wont be came out during final but then, paapppp! 35marks. trust me i didnt revise about ‘class’. anw, we received a compliment from our tutor! goodjob mates xoxo. tak sia sia i skip ugt family day just bcs i had to stick on the screen to find the error on my group project lol. basically last class for every subject. bcs final is approaching that time. and last but not least, my 2016 ended w sispa final exam.

My 2016 update finally comes to the end. the last 5 months in 2016 basically were my first semester of degree journey. remember when i said i badly want to further in IT related? i really grateful when i didnt give up for matrics, my result was just passed, and i didnt get what my parents wants but god put me nicely in what i deserve. hence, e-commerce. tho at first idk a thing about e-commerce, but day by day, i realize it flows in me since i was small. god plans is always great. i might merungut all the time but i know everything happens for reasons and great thing will finally come. you just have to wait and have faith in allah.

And i am really sorry bcs it took me a month to do this update. but believe me, i was actually very sad, when a friend of mine, suddenly was not my friend anymore, those great time i used to have are now tinggal memories, it saddens me. really. every pictures have its own story. and i realize how people change, day by day, month by month, year by year. even myself. and i am happy for everyone, especially my friends. prayers are all goes to them. take care my lovely friends. still friend or not, still contact or have lost contact, thanks for making my life memorable. thanks bcs you used to be there. i wish you to have a better life. and those who are still w you, or w us, treasure them. bcs we dont know till when they will stick to us. till then. :)

P/s: no pictures on this post update bcs even theres no picture in this, its too long already. no. actually bcs i have problem in transferring pictures from my phone to pc. anyio.