#this is long bc it's an interesting topic i think
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In fairness: it is very possible to fall in love with someone who doesn't meet your sexual needs. Maybe you have vastly differing libidos, or maybe your kinks and preferences don't quite line up with your partner's. Maybe they have a sexual dysfunction or trauma. That's fine and normal. With good communication, it can be worked around. This sort of thing happens in allosexual relationships all the time. I also find it strange to position the goal of dating as being to find someone who perfectly lines up with your own sexuality, though that probably isn't exactly what you meant. (I'm also ignoring polyamory here because it kind of removes the issue entirely.)
It's not that allo/ace relationships can never work. It's that a lot of people are biased towards the idea of their ace partner having sex with them anyways because "they don't mind", or even because "I can fix them". The issues arise when allos don't consider that-- hey, maybe they don't need sex to have a functional relationship. Maybe they can compromise. Horny? Masturbate. Craving intimacy? Cuddle. Need both? A lot of (though not all) asexuals are into nonsexual kink. You can still fulfill that need in your relationship, without the asexual partner always having to be the one to compromise. That's why I've personally always disdained the narrative of asexuals having sex to "make their partner happy". Why do we never hear anything of their partners engaging in forms of nonsexual intimacy for the sake of their asexual partner? Why is the action of having sex with your partner seen as an inherent service to them that's simply being withheld?
Obviously this is a massive oversimplification. Sure, some asexuals do like sex. Sure, some allosexuals absolutely need traditional sex in their relationships. The critique is not with individuals, but rather how general society views asexuality, attempting to minimize its threat towards the traditional cishet norm, by making it seem like being ace doesn't actually make a meaningful difference in your life. "It's okay that people are asexual. Asexuals can be normal too."
It's always, "aces can still have sex" but never, "allos can go without sex"
Kinda makes it feel like aces *have* to be the ones to compromise in allo/ace relationships
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:-P
#how long ago did i watch pacific rim? i feel like it might have been last year but i finally drew this lmao#sometimes it just takes a while. newt specifically gets under my skin tho bc i think his research interests r kinda similar to mine#at least in a broad sense. but im dealing with cyanobacteria which is less exciting to most ppl lol but any fanfic i read thats like: newt#has 6 phds im like fucking what? what r they in? they have to be literature based right?! when would u have time to independently design.#carry out. write and defend for 6 independent projects in different topics by his age?#what as waste of time. i say as a person who would happily fuck around and collect degrees without ever having to get a real job#idk characters i relate to make me a little unhinged bc i do not like to relate to characters lol#pacific rim#herman gottlieb#newt geiszler#newton geiszler#tw blood#tw gore#also i agree with herman abt the numbers quote. physics is like literally understanding the fabric of the universe so like yeah#also i cant draw hermann and i cant see his face without thinking of owen from torchwood who i hated lol#pacrim
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it is beyond infuriating how anne rice seems to insist on marius being a positive force in anyone's life ever. like she can't fully commit to exploring the fact he groomed armand and has repeatedly taken away his consent for what marius thinks is best (take the end of TVA as an example) and just kind of flatly puts it in the narrative. there's not really much interest in how these horrific events make marius come across as the worst because EVERYONE loves him. for gods sake, lestat learns from armand exactly what marius did to him in TVL and then proceeds to go find marius and be super friendly to him in the same fucking book. even armand and pandora, two of the people who have MORE than enough right to hate him, do not. it doesnt feel like shes trying to explore the toxicity of the abusive dynamic he traps them in, it just is there. and like yeah ofc the toxic vampire romance series but i think that this should be handled with more care. and it is not ever really framed in a way that she is interested in exploring how marius should easily be one of the most horrific characters in this series because it kind of feels like sa/rape/grooming/other things of that sort are just put there to further plot and not to really get the respect that they deserve in a medium.
#twist rambles#vc posting#grooming mention#for blocklist sorry im on my im really mad about this fucking series soapbox again#to be fucking honest she treats slavery similar. like its just THERE and the characters doing it dont really feel bad about it (much like m#rius doesnt seem to.. feel much if any remorse for arm.and) and it is just like... ok heres another bad thing with no examination. this isn#a super coherent post but i went a bit forward to see how b&g was handling the arm.and stuff and oh my god. oh im so mad. like i just... i#wish so badly that arma.nds abuse was taken seriously other than haha its sooo quirky that mari.us is in a position of power over him and#provides housing money sex comfort etc for him and is abusing him but hes sooo happy with himmmm. like he fucking sold him into sex slavery#and we are supposed to root for him#ask to tag#sorry this is just. its a very triggering part of the books but its something that i kind of keep returning to to mull over because it is#handled really badly. like i think she was trying to go for a lo.lita vibe (iirc she did actually mention nabok.ov as an inspiration) but#didnt really care enough to examine WHY that is an interesting take on the subject matter. not even to get into pan.doras stuff bc its just#really bad but at least he waited until she was an adult i suppose. like i will give anne one thing that she has characters and (poorly han#led) writing that makes you really think and analyze. which i think is where i enjoy media that is like... this kind of sucks at points but#u can tell the authors viewpoints soo transparently. and u can examine it thru this. like i think thats why i find the gr.ell run of GA int#resting too bc u can telll that man is a libertarian and doesnt respect women. and then claims to do so. its interesting to me. anyways#did u guys know she defended bill clin.ton when the monica stuff came out and victim blamed her. just a funny coincidence.#sorry for the really long tag rant but i am sooo fed up with how she treats this topic forever and ever. bc its been this way forever.#anyways back to reading had to get that out. lmk if u need me to tag this bc its a lot of tws :)
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bunch of Phantasy AU doodles n wip from earlier this year
Basically I just found out this year that ball-jointed dolls actually have strings in them and not just... magically attached by the ball joints themselves? And 31 in this AU is a ball jointed doll that were made out of Danny's energy so here we are :3c
I've been watching a lot of doll customization since earlier this year and found out from dollightful's video that no they are all connected by elastic strings inside so that's where the idea came from
...i was looking on google to find a good example to put here and clearly I'm not exactly paying attention to how the main body strings are actually.. pinned to?
the video I've been watching the most is dollightful n moonlight jewel and they have their bjd usually only to the bottom of the doll head instead of all the way to the top on the skull pin like the diagram above
Which is why 31 has his strings all connected to the 'heart' in the middle instead of the head kasjdnkasjnd
But yeah uhhh specifics aside...
----
Those ball jointed dolls made me think of 31, and then thinking about the clones in Phantasy AU and like.. the logistic of it
for 31, the idea is that during the circus gothica arc for this AU, Danny actually got kidnapped all the whole way into another universe/plane in which he met Valeska (Enn's oc) who unalive what his face the circus leader n break Danny's hypnosis
and now that Danny is essentially stuck in a whole other plane/realm/or sth he just following Valeska hoping she'll help him find his way back.
In one such trip, Danny got kidnapped (again) by another group/cult who wanted to use his power/energy as a gate keeper to the ghost zone to make their own gate keeper so they can open portals to ghost zones and maybe other realms too
31 is part of the experiments. He's a doll made with part of Danny's energy as his core.
And then it's.. uhh.. sth sth Valeska finally found out where they kept Danny and devour everyone there safe from Danny n 31 who helped him escape so now the three of them travel together~
The last pict is me thinking about clones and kingdom hearts :tm: so dramatic about Danny being the soul separated from the main body and 31 a clone made from part of the soul too and all that Not sure where I'm going with that but it do sound cool
And there's also Danielle but I'm not exactly sure.. how she would fit in? but it would be interesting if she was made from Danny's body somehow
so 31 made from part of teh soul and Dani from part of the body sounds poetic somehow
#13thdoodle#dp phantasy au#dp fantasy au#dp 31#if u noticed that I've been putting some read more lately#it's bc one of the school project is to document all your progresses in a doc including all ur research and fails and what not#and basically i'm trying to make it into a habit by doing it here too#like.. no harm done i think in putting up what inspired me and where ideas came from#n what rambling about things#yall follow me here so i assume ur interested a lil bit about me rambling my ideas n such#i put them under readmore specifically bc I know how long I can go on#and like the main thing about documentation is to be transparent about it#u learn from ur failures n ur successes n this is one way to track them#if u fcked up figure out where how and why and what u can learn from it n then improve from said fail so yea anyway#but yea i been trying to keep things short n clean so it look nice before#but i got a p good grade for documenting everything last tri so now I'm well actually I DO have a lot to say about things#so heree i am#am i gonna be more active tho that would be a whole different topic all together bc ha ha capstone qwq
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I was at a "making friends" kind of social event just this past week and ended up having two subsequent conversations with different people that gave me an interesting reflection on my own reasons for writing without me even intending to make the conversation about it.
First conversation: The person talked about the feeling of awe from being at a music concert and how incredible it is that so many complete strangers can be united by a singular love of music. I related to it with regards to my own writing and how many people have read my stuff. Ended up telling this guy about some of the AO3 comments I've gotten from people to the effect of helping motivate them to live/just reflect on life in general. Somehow went into a tangent about a suicidal friend of mine who died when we were in high school, and me saying that maybe the reason I write so much about the things I do is because of the influence his death had on me. And the other person ended up asking me, 'So do you think it's like every time you write, you're doing it in his memory in a way?'
Subsequent conversation was with someone who was a psychologist for a day job, and I ended up telling them that I was kind of thinking of getting a degree in psychology/therapy one day because writing about mental health issues had gotten me so interested in the world of helping people heal themselves. But then I was also like, "Well, I don't know, it could be that I don't need to become a psychologist to help people with mental health. Maybe helping people by being a writer and telling stories is enough."
It was just a surprising, but topical realization for me to have talking to a bunch of strangers. For someone like me who's often preoccupied with doing and having knowledge and expertise, I often fall into the idea that you need to be directly involved in helping people to really be making a difference. I've literally had thoughts in my mind along the lines of "I'm so smart, hardworking, and dedicated when it comes to writing, but wouldn't it have been so much more of a net gain to the world if I'd decided to be this passionate about something like being a doctor or activist that actually helps people?" It's not like I truly regret being a writer (or ever will, because there's nothing else that I love so much), but in my bad moments I truly do sometimes think "Why does it make a difference if I entertain people or make them feel nicer for a while if it doesn't actually change anything in the world?" To quote one of my favorite Transformers fics of all time, "There was nothing that would have been more worthwhile, but that didn't rule out the possibility that the whole damn universe was wasting its time."
I guess the answer is that making someone feel better, even in a small way, is changing the world, even if it's just a few people, and even if it's just as simple as making someone's day better.
#squiggposting#deeply personal shit just bc i feel like it and have been brooding on the final topic of this post#(if me being a writer is a waste or not) for a while#idk man it's the internet which is great bc it means i reach so many more people than i would without it#but it also means i don't really see the impact i have unless i'm told or happen to find it#i feel a little bad sometimes. like i should be more grateful for what impact/acclaim/positive influence i do have#but a lot of days i just feel...numb about it? i don't want to say i'm taking it for granted or feel entitled to more#i also talked about this to one of those people: that i have a hard time feeling things sometimes#both in a clinical depression way and that sometimes i just can't summon the emotions i think i should be#idk man i think i'm just at a point in my life where my identity (and honestly health) is in too much flux#and i'm also so damn lonely that i keep overthinking things that i shouldn't#venting#it's just weird to me how i sometimes think i feel too much/too hard and sometimes i don't feel ENOUGH#i think it doesn't help that like my dayjob is something i only generally find interesting but find no fulfilment in#so like. writing is pretty much what i've got to make life feel like it means something#everything else feels like it's something i'm forcing myself to do or is part of some long term plan or is an obligation#or something i 'should be doing'. writing is the only thing that i do and i push myself in bc i love it#if that doesn't mean something then nothing in life means anything
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#the problem with writing an old mond fic that I'm trying to explore Topics with is#it has dwelved from 'I want to write about why Amos stuck with Deca for so long and the messed up love between them'#to. oh boy. googling the life of the last emperor of china of which I am morbidly facinated with.#(terrible spineless self centered coward of a guy. treated as god since age 4)#(but also general chinese emperors and royalty who all really sucked and basing deca and amos both on a lot of that)#to general little morality things bc. its a story of how amos was complicit/supportive of terrible things under deca but still joined rebel#to. reading about the causes of revolutions???? and writing that into old mond's inherit instability and why nb's revolution worked#into now. attitudes on the ethics meat consumption of bc amos is a hunter who grew up outside of old mond and its culture#and forced into old mond's culture (<- my backstory for her)#which also has implications of Amos having to struggle to reconcile her heritage culture with the one she has to live in now#........and though it I keep forgetting that the initial thing I wanted to explore is deca/amos Problematic(tm) love#which means the plot is now a dredged down mess I'll have to fix in a second draft#......uh for anyone who thinks this sounds interesting. no promises on it actually getting finished or being good#this has spirled way out of control from its initial inception#but ya know all art has a political slant to it and boy nothing says political like 'story about revolution' so we'll see how this all goes#(this is also why I don't write fic or stories often lol I take its ideas too seriously and it completely consumes me until I finish it)#personal //
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hm. i need to learn something new
#like new information of some form... something interesting that makes me think and isn't boring... it's been too long#but also like i wanna be able to read a lot abt a topic and such not just catch random info in conversation#bc i get a lot of new info every day. that's easy. i think you get what i mean here#i'm gonna press random article on wikipedia until something hopefully tickles my brain enough. wish me luck
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wip whenever
ty @impossible-rat-babies and @coldshrugs for the tags <3 i'm sharing a little snippet from a fic that i've been rotating in my head for like six months :o) not tagging anyone since i'm a little late, but feel free to tag me in your wips, i would love to see them!!
Emile looks over to the sight of Estinien sitting at the window, naked save for the thin blanket wrapped loosely around him. The morning sun coats him in sharp light, striking the gnarled scar of his exposed shoulder and tingeing his sleep ruffled hair in the faintest shades of gold. His brows knit together in thought, eyes distant as he looks out the window, and Emile simply watches him from the bed for a long moment, heart pulling in his chest.
His attention snaps to Emile as he gets up, gaze locked on him as he draws closer. The sun empties his eyes of any color, serving only to highlight the question in them, and Emile doesn't know what to do with all these thoughts that spin uselessly through his head.
Don't get ahead of yourself, is the one he keeps coming back to.
He bends to wrap his arms around Estinien's shoulders, tucking his face into his neck and relaxing when Estinien reaches up to return his embrace. The heat of the day has already begun to settle in, but Emile clings to the solid warmth of his body.
"Please forget what I asked last night," Emile murmurs against his skin. "I know not the answer myself."
#tldr spoiling my own fic but emile's the one to bring up the topic of kids#which is understandably a very complicated thing for both of them#and i think it's interesting with this being emile's first serious relationship#that there's a push and pull with figuring out the pace of progression#especially after everything they're been through#bc that doesn't mean it's a given that they're both seeing the same thing long term#even though they are lmao#too many thoughts on this. maybe this is a weird place in the fic to share but ok#ffxiv#emile/estinien
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i love you guys so much. on here i can post about my extreme unhingedness about fire lookouts and you all Get It. maybe you don't share the interest, but you get it. you're like you go you funky little writer-blogger
meanwhile in real life the few times i have attempted to explain this to anyone i'm just met with a blank but polite look. you know, the look where someone has no idea what you're talking about but also no idea why you'd ever get the concept to even be interested in that. but they're too nice so they just look at you funny instead
#SKFKSJGK i tried to briefly explain my interest to my aunt this evening#she was polite but i could tell she had no concept whatsoever about why i would go on this rabbithole#i was even like 'you know how you get on these rabbit holes researching random things?'#and i could tell by her face that no. this does not really happen to her LOL#i tell my mom about it and i think shes the only one so far irl who really gets it#i mean she doesnt understand the long term lookout fixation specifically#but she is familiar with researching random topics for hours bc she does it to#anyway this is why i dont tell certain people about certain interests of mine: they dont Get It
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gimme your top 5 hot takes about rwby
I'm afraid I don’t have an accurate gauge of what qualifies as a “hot take” (or even what it actually is. Is it merely a controversial opinion?) so if any of these are ice cold I apologize
Adam and the Rose family should be connected in some way. Visual cues are important and there's so much spicy potential, especially if the dynamic originated with Summer
For Roman, the best and longest standing villain of the show, to be one of the few on-screen Grimm deaths is borderline parody. Personally, I think Ruby should’ve had a more active role in his death, even if by accident or setting up circumstances like she did Neo
Ozma’s situation is far more horrifying and sympathetic than Salem’s. The gods proved that they could bring Ozma back to life in his own body, but instead he’s forced to be a body snatcher? That’s fucked up in so many ways. She may be able to die again and again, but I think it’s way worse to die knowing you’re dooming several people at once
May Marigold isn’t that great of trans rep. She’s so unmemorable and inconsequential to the plot that the only reason I remember her at all is because she’s The Trans One. Like, glad they made her trans, and the reveal was respectful and clear and not even plot-relevant!, but maybe make her a good character first?
If we’re going by the show’s queer golden rule of blushing = romantic feelings, then Ruby had a crush on Emerald in V3 and it should have been explored way more for angst purposes
#rwde#thanks for asking#i will never shut up abt adam/rose family connections and theres nothing you can do abt it#blake or weiss being the one to take down roman would also be interesting but i think the most effective dynamic is ruby and roman#honestly you could make a sitcom w those two and id watch the shit out of it#'my roommate is a mob boss'#(depending on how old Roman actually is. RWBY isnt great at depicting ages unless youre on an extreme end)#(idk age them up for college lmao)#also i 100% hc ruby as a trans lesbian#qrow took her to get her first dose of E#trans solidarity babeyyyyy#this is a completely different topic but yangs existence in canon makes way more sense if both tai and raven are trans as well#canon raven does Not seem the type to allow herself to be in a long term relationship much less get pregnant#or if she did she'd take the child to raise as a protege. a true heir to the branwen name#not leave the kid behind for... reasons#why did raven run again? i think the show ended on 'she was scared' or smth. or didnt trust oz bc... bird#idk the show was dumb abt the whole thing#anyway i'll happily explain if anyone wants more elaboration ^w^
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i've been hate-[following/watching/reading/left intentionally vague] something to the point where I'm literally subscribed to it for updates and I know i shld rlly just stop ...
#delete later#it started off so good and its so so so bad now but its also getting so long i want to see where the person making it is going with it#the thing in question is also literally not on tumblr dw im not vaguing abt anything even remotely culturally or personally relevant#to anyone who might be reading this#its related to a topic i think ive only told two ppl i have any interest in at all bc it just never comes up
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@holymost said ; ok listen I know they're fictional characters named/based on but every time I see an aztec god's name pop up on ur blog I'm like "??? WHY ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT AZTEC MYTHOLOGY?" and then I remember JHSDGFSJHDFHDS my hispanic ass got my ass once again I simply know nothing abt fate
/ AOAOAOOAOAOOAOO IORYTOIYUTOY IT- REALLY DO BE LIKE THAT! it’s so cool! and I can’t imagine how funny it must be to see one day greek mythology and then boom; Aztec and Maya mythology,,, and then Indian mythology and so on so forth; and to someone who isn’t too familiar with f.ate, i can imagine how funny it would be to look at someone u’ve read about in books and look at their anime version OITRUTIUORT LIKE;; what do u MEAN Achilles has bright GREEN hair?!?! it’s so silly sometimes, and it has its good and bad things, but i’ll always be grateful to f.ate for helping me discover more about history and mythology from all around the world which i love love love reading about!. But talking about my mesoamerican muses, I currently write five (5)!!
Moctezuma II: in game they gave him a different name (Izcalli) but that’s more of a f.ate lore thing and a specific kind of situation that doesn’t really have anything to do with Moctezuma’s story so in my portrayal he is directly Moctezuma II the ninth emperor of Aztec empire or more commonly known as the last Aztec emperor (even tho after his reign there were two other more emperors but their reigns were very short so usually its default like that). He was the one who had the first official contact with the europeans amongs more but i won’t get into details because then this will get super long but yes- There are a lot of misconceptions and myths around his figure and quite frankly, not as much information about him, or well; objective information about him; f.ate wise, I got too attached to him and he shakes something in my heart;; maybe something along the lines of being misunderstood, rage, impotence, his story in overall being kind of put to the side, the strong emotional side of humans, expectations, fears and how these affect us all, etc etc. I think his character was not explored much in detail in f.ate and was a little rushed, which in exchange brough a lot of bad opinions about him and as a result, increased my curiosity over him. There’s also this thing where in fiction its often discussed the ‘negative’ traits a character has but these tend to linger on the usual ‘not too disliked’ traits, so when a certain side of a character is explored that doesn’t really match what we are used to see, it tends to create some sort of rejection towards it. In this case, i think his rage was seen as something petty and only that, which i can understand since not everyone will enjoy all characters but,, that limits his character a lot u know? There is something that hits me when a character has a big dislike ratio (like with constantine) and it made me feel more curious about him and to try to understand him further than what we were shown, which in return has made me grown more attached to him. Its me and mocte against the world frfr 😤✊ /OK JKJKJKJK! For some reason he lives rent free inside my head and by god there should be more art of him so i’m always drawing him nowadays. I could ramble about his f.ate design endlessly and talk much more about him but i’ll cut it here before i go overboard.
Tezcatlipoca: one of the central deities in Aztec religion! he is the god of darkness and night, of conflict, war; characterized by his duality as a desctructive god and creator, the enemy and the merciful of duality itself; associated with hurricanes and obsidian, jaguars. He is an omnipotent, ( the definition being: '(of a deity) having unlimited power; able to do anything’) omnipresent, (that can be present everywhere and anywhere at the same time, making him something akin to an invisible being that you can’t see but that he is there regardless) and omniscient god (that knows everything; he can see the truth in human’s hearts). He can also see through the hearts of men! he is also the brother of Quetzalcoatl in some Aztec tellings and the two of them are central to the creation myth, and there is s o much more! very facsinating god. In fate he’s a silly guy, i think in terms of personality; his character was portrayed wonderfully; the duality of Tezca truly shows and its just -chef kiss-
Tláloc-Huitzilopochtli-Tenochtitlán: now this character is kind of confusing if you are not too familiar with f.ate, and even to me it’s still kind of ??? as her spirit origin’s story is mostly tied to f.go lore, but basically, in fate she is the personification of the city of Tenochtitlán but she presents herself as Tláloc or Huitzilopochtli, as she mentions that by enshrining these two gods, Tenochtitlan (the city, aka her) thrived, and I can kind of understand the general idea they might have tried to go with as it -is- true that these two deities were incredibly important; from the side of Tláloc, he was the god of rain and was turbo mega important and venerated in mesoamerica particularly with the agricultural towns, as he had a crucial role in favoring the prosperity of harvest. He was so important that there were a lof of festivities and ceremonies held in order to receive his favors (their economy on the side of agriculture demanded for a lot of rainy days as there were long dry seasons so Tláloc was highly praised) and we still have a lot of items related to him in museums! I wish i could emphasize more how important Tláloc was but I’m gonna cut myself here and introduce Huitzilopochtli real quick;; he is the solar deity in Aztec religion and he’s tied to war and sacrifice as well (like tezca as well) he was like the patron god of the capital city of Tenochtitlan so you get the idea of just how important he was as well
Kukulkán: in fate, kukulkán also has some kind of odd story tied in that takes place in the f.ate universe, but my kuku is mostly- well; kukulkán, or known as the plumed serpent who’s origins mostly trace back to the Maya most specifically around the classic period. To some researchers, Kukulkán is the same as Quetzalcoatl which is why in f.ate, Kukulkán and Quetz are more like sisters to say; kuku being technically the eldest between the two even though she looks up to Quetz a lot. Kuku was considered a creator god and was associated with the winds and rain as it was said they brough them in the first place. a lil curious note; when the weather gets moody, clouds tend to have this sort of serpent-like shape which is from where the association comes from. Funnily enough, in f.ate she claims to be quite an airhead which im not sure if its a reference to her ties with the wind or not but if that was the case, it would be indeed a funny lil detail.
Camazotz: the Maya bat god from Popol Vuh! a god that dwells in the underworld (Xibalba) and is at the service of the lords of the underworld. Xibalba is packed with tests and trials, and if attempting to enter the underworld in the first place wasn’t already difficult, it keeps getting even more tricky! there are five houses and Camazotz rules over the house of the bats, where there is constant squeaking and shrieking. In the Popol Vuh, the hero twins must be able to spend the night in the house of bats (whose snouts are like blades that they use to attack) in order to pass the test, and they almost do it flawlessly until Hunanpu, (one of the brothers), by attempting to take a peak from the blowgun they were hiding inside of, tries to see if dawn has come, which ends up with his head getting decapitated by a bat. To this, other events pass by and he’s able to come back to life and with his brother they defeat the lords of Xibalba at the end. Popol Vuh aside, the bat as an animal had a lot of associtations such as with death, decapitation (from observing bats flying and snatching fruit from trees), night (even day! as they linger in caves but can also be seen flying in daytime across the skies), sacrifice (linked to the previously mentioned decapitation + blood), the underworld (as caves were a gateway to the underworld), etc, etc. Not to mention how important they are for agriculture as they help pollinate crops as well as help in controling over abundance of insects like mosquitoes. In any case, Camazotz is really cool and i love his design in fate!
#;ooc#ooc#tw: long post#holymost#;c.amazotz#;k.ukulkan#;t.laloc#;m.octezuma ii#;t.ezcatlipoca#to me f.ate has and is important to me bc it has helped my lil heart in a way?#i've always felt like i was excluded of 'the big topics' like anything related to history even though my interests were very big!#but i've learned so much since those times; and its something i enjoy a lot and always have; history is fascinatinggggggg#and who would have thought that some anime pngs would have brought me comfort too?#about characters and stories i prob would've never had an idea of?#ITS SILLY BUT ITS A LOT OF FUN#i think thats very important#also me thinks that there must be at least one (1) character out of all the 9847598475897458945 servants there are that is made just for u#kind of like when people have their fav p.okemon#but in ur case its green haired achilles OIETUROIJTR#it also scratches so hard my love for drawing and illustrations; it combines two things i love which is art and history#*and character design#so its like BOOM hyperfixation#now that i look back on this; why did i write all of this OIETROIUTRT do n o t mind the hyperfixation okokko
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[ 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜' 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜 ]
here they are!! finally!!
okay, so at first i thought that i should add something like "part 1", since this post will include only the guilty trio's side characters, but i thought about it and.. i don't really think i should make profiles for other side characters too? most side characters are just the family members (like asahi's adoptive father or eiko's mother) or they're those prisoners' friends (riku's friends/bandmates, reina's friends, etc) and i don't want to make profiles for all those friend groups.
but we'll see! maybe i'll just drop some family/friends lore when i feel like it.
Side character 001: Saito Arata
Name: Saito Arata (斎藤新) (his last name means "purification, worship" and his first name means "fresh, new")
Age: 17 y/o
Gender: Male
Birth date: March 23rd (Aries)
Height: 176 cm
Blood type: AB
Occupation: High school student (first year)
Personality: Arata is an interesting and unpredictable person. It's hard to tell what's going on inside his head, but he always looks like he's up to no good. He does whatever he wants and whenever he wants and he doesn't care what others say. He's very chill and relaxed most of the time and there's only a few things that can make him angry. He's very talkative and outgoing, but he still has no friends.. Or maybe he has one, if you can call that boy his friend. It's hard to impress someone like Arata, so if you manage to do that, don't be surprised if he suddenly becomes obsessed with you and starts basically worshipping you. But also.. don't be surprised when he just as suddenly decides that he doesn't find you interesting anymore and leaves you. His interests change all the time, he can't control it. And also, even if you are like a god to him, it doesn't mean that he will forget about everything else. He's not as loyal as he likes to make people believe. Also, what's the point of being so obsessed with someone if he actually has more power than anyone else here?
Trivia:
Arata's grades aren't that good and one of the reasons why he started to like Akio is the younger boy agreeing to let him copy his homework.
Arata doesn't look exactly like Riku, but they share some other traits, like age, zodiac sign, blood type, being taller than Akio and having dark hair. Also, Riku not looking like an exact copy of Arata and Akio still liking him because of how much he reminds him of his follower can be explained as Akio missing Arata too much.
Arata is a year older than most of his classmates, but there's not any particular reason for that.
Arata really likes animals that are considered to be weird, dangerous or scary by most people and he was obsessed with insects and dinosaurs when he was a child (he still is). He also has a huge shark plushie in his room, but it's not cute at all and it's actually kinda creepy. When Akio found out about that interest of his, he tried to find as much information as possible, so that he could impress Arata with his knowledge later.
Arata actually didn't care about Akio that much when he first met him, he only had to spend time with him for reasons I can't talk about yet, but as he kept learning more about him and what kind of person he is, he started to admire him and be truly supportive of him.
Arata knew Akio's victim well not only because of them all being classmates, but also because Akio's victim really wanted to be friends with Akio and that annoyed Arata even back when he wasn't interested in Akio (or at least he thought so). When he fully turned into Akio's follower, he did everything to make his victim's life worse: from stealing his medications to "accidentally" pushing him down the stairs. Akio actually didn't need to try and "manipulate" Arata to kill the poor boy for him, Arata would do it anyway sooner or later.
If you remember, the silhouettes' eyes in Akio's MV were green (meaning envy and jealousy) and only one of them had pink eyes (meaning love and genuine support). Yes, those other figures are Akio's classmates and the pink-eyed figure is supposed to be Arata.. but only in this particular MV (symbolism, am I right), because in real life, as you have probably already noticed, Arata has heterochromia and one of his eyes is pink, meanwhile his other eye is green. And yes, I've made his eyes like that on purpose.
Remember how Akio mentioned in his interrogation that he's okay with anything his mother cooks, but something was crossed out? He actually wanted to write "anything Arata cooks", but quickly changed it to his mother, because he found it too embarrassing and he didn't want the guards to ask about Arata. The funniest thing about this is that Arata actually can't cook at all and he just bought random food and then he was like "Yeah, I've made it for you, do you like it? <3". It worked though and Arata had to hold his laugh every single time because Akio genuinely believed him.
Side character 005: Mikazuki Ruka
Name: Mikazuki Ruka (朏 瑠日) (his last name means "crescent moon" and his first name means "lapis lazuli" and "sun")
Age: 21 y/o
Gender: Male
Birth date: May 19th (Taurus)
Height: 164 cm
Blood type: A
Occupation: Unemployed
Personality: Ruka wishes people would just.. ignore him or pretend he's not here. He doesn't like talking to people and finds it exhausting. Even simply being around people is too much for him. No, actually, everything is too much for him. Getting up in the morning or even simply eating or breathing is too much work for him. It would be nice if he had someone who could just.. do all of that for him. He'd be okay with doing anything in return for that.. well, if it's not too exhausting. Ah, and if this doesn't sound too weird yet, Ruka has this interesting habit of saying that he's actually dead if anyone asks him to do something he's too lazy to do or simply asks him a question about his past or how he's feeling right now. He often says something like "'Cause I'm dead" in the end of his sentences. He never explains why he does that and it seems much more serious than just him trying to come up with an excuse not to talk about something or not to do something. Maybe it's because he genuinely feels like he's actually a corpse and that's why he's always so tired?.. Ah, but don't think that he's always so cold and emotionless. He's actually very expressive, but only around one specific person.
Trivia:
Ruka's voice is very androgynous and most of the time people have to ask him about his gender. It doesn't help that he has a unisex name as well. And when someone asks him or thinks he's a girl, he simply shrugs and goes "I'm dead anyway, so it doesn't matter". He often wears skirts and dresses too.
Speaking of that habit of his, at first Kei thought that Ruka suffers from "Cotard's syndrome", a condition in which the person thinks that they're actually dead or don't have any blood or organs, but he has soon found out that Ruka knows perfectly well that he's alive, he just likes to think that he's dead, a walking corpse or even a zombie.
Ruka stopped growing when he was 14 years old and he still looks very young and people often mistake him for a teenager. When Kei first met him in a night club, he actually got worried and wondered how this kid was allowed in here. Ruka kinda likes the fact that he looks so young, since "it proves that he really has died and stopped aging".
Ruka is much more talkative around Kei in general. And just so you understand, he wasn't a "poor innocent guy who Kei has kidnapped and tortured in his basement", he was free to go anywhere he wanted to (without leaving the house, of course) and do anything that he wanted. He even made fun of Kei and made jokes like "Ah, do you like me for my childlike appearance or something? You're even more of a creep than I've thought" (Kei punched him right after that and made him take his words back because even he got uncomfortable after hearing that) and "Just beat me up and take as many photos as you want already, I wanna go to sleep as soon as we're done". He even teased him and said things like "What, is this everything you've got?" while Kei tortured him. Kei absolutely did horrible things to him, but Ruka still had more freedom than it was shown in Kei's MV and even though he's still a victim of kidnapping, he actually kind of enjoyed the process because he thought he was finally about to die for real.
The outfit that he's shown wearing has sun and moon motifs which is a reference to his name meaning. I wanted his name to be related to both sun and moon to show that he's Kei's "sun and moon", that meaning that he's Kei's everything.
According to Ruka, he doesn't have any parents or siblings and he also hates when people ask him about them. He still had a friend group (he didn't care about them at all) and he actually was basically forced to come with them to that night club from Kei's MV. They have still spent a lot of time explaining that he really is an adult This is how Kei and Ruka met and Kei went "Oh.. He's just like me fr.."
It's hard to explain what kind of relationship Kei and Ruka had, since it's hard to call them friends and they weren't really a couple. Their relationship had platonic, romantic and sexual elements, but they still had no idea who they are to each other and they mostly just treated each other like an artist and a muse at first before they started to become closer.
Side character 008: Kanasawa Takame
Name: Kanasawa Takame (金沢喬女) (her last name means "gold" and "swamp, stream" and her first name means "high, noble" and "woman")
Age: 31 y/o
Gender: Female
Birth date: November 16th (Scorpio)
Height: 170 cm
Blood type: O
Occupation: Maid cafe manager
Personality: Takame is a polite and gentle woman who is always very kind to everyone, especially her employees. She has a very good reputation and everyone knows her as a caring and understanding person who never lets her employees overwork themselves and if she sees someone making them uncomfortable, she will make sure to take care of that and protect them. She's quite passionate about anime, manga and games and that's.. uh.. one of the reasons why she decided to open a maid cafe. What about the other reasons? Haha, you don't have to know that. Maybe this woman really does have a dark side, but only one of her workers knows about it. And that worker still loves her no matter what.
Trivia:
Takame secretly has a thing for cute girls in maid outfits and that's a second reason why she opened a maid cafe.
Takame really does have a secret second job and her being a cafe manager is just something she does to hide her secrets and make herself look like a normal person who doesn't do anything illegal.
Unlike other two side characters who actually liked their prisoners, she didn't have any feelings for Yurika and just manipulated her because she knew that Yurika is the only worker who would agree to help with something like Takame's second job and she knew that Yurika really needs someone to rely on, so she promised she will take care of everything that Yurika has problems with. She thought that Yurika is cute, but that's all.
Takame really does like anime, manga and games and that's not something she made up. She believes that no matter how old you are, you should still do what you like, even if other people judge you for it.
She knew everything about Yurika's past and her problems and she knew about Yurika's relationship with her victims. She used that information to make Yurika trust her, but no matter how manipulative she was, she actually did protect Yurika from her stalkers and people who harassed her. Of course, that made Yurika like her even more, but when Takame did that, she genuinely wanted to protect Yurika because she didn't want her to go through anything like that.
#most facts are just about their relationships with their prisoners but if i tried to talk more about their backstories and personalities#it would be way too long and i also want to discuss those topics later so yeah#feel free to ask questions about them though!#no arata doesn't actually have an akio itabag BUT IF HE COULD MAKE/BUY AKIO MERCH HE WOULD#i really really like his dynamic with akio especially bc i know arata's backstory so i'm like. HHHHH THEY'RE SO INTERESTING#yes i can't believe i'm saying this but. kei and ruka's dynamic is kinda cute if you think about it#OF COURSE IT DOESN'T EXCUSE THE KIDNAPPING AND TORTURING AND BASICALLY BRAINWASHING HIM AND ALL THAT STUFF#but still it's very interesting how kei likes ruka bc he acts like kei's real self meanwhile ruka likes him because he makes him feel alive#and in a good way and he doesn't want to say that he's dead when that happens#also when i started working on lineart and looked at takame i realized that she reminds me of shidou's wife and i screamed#LIKE I THINK SHE DOESN'T HAVE THOSE VIBES NOW THAT THE DRAWING IS DONE BUT STILL#(yurika simping for shidou's wife is a hilarious concept though)#i don't know if these guys will have their own tags but again we'll see#i'll just tag their prisoners for now#👑prisoner 001: miyagawa akio👑#🍓prisoner 005: sanada kei 🍓#🎀prisoner 008: maruyama yurika 🎀#(and yes i used a chain brush for ruka listen i got lazy IT WAS SO HARD TO DRAW THIS GUY FOR SOME REASON)#(AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN HIS FULL DESIGN YET.)
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*exhibits symptoms of disorders you have been diagnosed with and just so happen to also be depression symptoms, but isnt actually depressed*
People: Hmm I diagnose you with depression
#for reference the symptoms are fatigue/trouble motivating/general anxiety#I have had at least 4 people suggest 'Oh you might be depressed' in reference to my exhibiting symptoms of...what I have#It's very frustrating#Im tired because im chronically ill#I have trouble motivating because thats what ADHD does and being tired does#And my anxiety issues have gotten BETTER#Im am not numb hopeless or sad. I have plenty of interest in the things I like even at my worst.#my appetite is the same as its ever been#I've been through periods of self loathing. Those have passed.#and even when they were present I knew it the thoughts weren't facts bc God isn't a liar#Which that was the closest I've been to being depressed in a long time. But it still isn't depression.#If I were treated for depression rn it would totally ignore all the things ACTUALLY causing my symptoms#Life is awesome. I like doing things & I think I am the bee's knees (lol)#I have been depressed before. This just ain't it chief.#I already know what my issues are#Just cuz I got those don't mean I have to be depressed too#and I feel weird saying it too because I have the oddest feeling that I'm going to be dismissed as stubborn and blindsided#like 'you just refuse to admit it' kinda thing#But I know what it is that I am expiriencing#It's frustrating that an entirely different topic keeps coming up about it#also. the self loathing issues- they popped up when my ANXIETY got worse.#I was otherwise not expiriencing depressive symptoms outside of the things I expirience as a result of other illnesses#that I have been actually diagnosed with#blegh grr growl#Wanna focus on the actual issues not come up with false ones
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For the author ask: #12 & #23?
12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?
Very early in this fandom, I actually thought that I was only ever going to write PNP interfacing and would never write sticky because it didn't make sense, or at least if I did, it'd just be in PWPs and nonserious stuff, never in a plot fic. 😂😂 Can you imagine? Honestly, a lot of the "tropes" I used to dislike (or not understand the appeal of) but now like are kinda kink-related, but that's a little off-topic so maybe...
Honestly, I'm struggling to think of tropes whether for Transformers specifically or for my writing in general. I don't know that I really have an answer for this one...
23. What’s a trope, AU, or concept you’ve never written, but would like to?
I have an "Adaptus-Pharma survives the finale of LL" AU as well as a "Pharma gets away with the plague at Delphi" AU that I've already talked about or mentioned on here, so I'll try to think of something else.
Thanks to some discussion on the Pharma server, I've felt some itches to write another survival/resource scarcity fic in the lane of For Once, Nothing is Burning. Technically, FONIB was meant to satisfy that survival fic itch, but I've always felt like I could do way more with it. For one, FONIB is on a very small scale of just two people, and for two, as grim as the situation is, I don't think the MegOP situation there is super dire (or maybe I just underestimate how scary it is since I'm the author and know what happens).
Would like to try it particularly in a wartime context where 90% of tactics revolve around logistics. In IDW1 we even have canonical plot events like Skorponok blowing up the last energon refinery on Cybertron (Monstrosity) and Cybertron being permanently destroyed by the war (Stormbringer), even Shockwave predicting an energon shortage pre-war, but canon never really does anything with that. We're told that there's resource shortages, but nothing ever is really shown with it.
Then again, I'm not sure I'll do anything along those lines any time soon considering an author I like is already doing a survival oriented Tarnma fic series (mind the tags) and another one I like is currently planning one. And idk, something about that particular kind of horror/angst (yknow cannibalism, starvation, dying of preventable illnesses, slow death of the species) is really depressing to me, so I think I'll just let those authors/friends take care of it. I have enough angst on my plate as is lmao.
Oh, I also have a Shattered Glass Pharma idea that's just sort of sitting in my head as a concept that exists and I haven't done anything with bc my interest in SG is very selective (Pay Unto Evil-verse) or I just haven't found an appealing way to spin all of IDW1 into a mirror universe (I read the SG series done by IDW-- not the older one by FunPub-- but didn't care for it much).
#squiggle answers#i feel so bad like yeah i have ideas and thoughts but it's hard for me to summon them when asked#also i went on a several months long hiatus this year during which i switched my OTP and main blorbo#so most likely there's some old MOP things i wanted to write but forgot about and are disappeared into the void#or lost in my drafts folder#that and i think ideas in my mind exist in one of two states: none at all#or a single thought that explodes into a whole AU/longfic idea (or at least a fully formed and outlined PWP)#also i spent my early days in this fandom so disappointed by the fact that no one was writing what i wanted to see#that i kind of like. well. everything i'd like to write is something i've already written#bc only my writing is what satisfies my urge. if that makes sense#i'm a bit detached from the fandom so i don't really think in terms of tropes or AUs or things i want to see but havent#i either have an interest/idea or i don't#dunno if that makes sense or is on topic at all
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What do you think Siegbert’s relationship with Laslow and Soleil’s relationship with Xander are like particularly as they get older/teenagers.
anon you're enabling me i LOVE their parent/child relationships as they get older!!! read more cause this got looooong
for laslow and siegbert--well first off, i think laslow always can provide a particular brand of emotionally-based support that develops more as siegbert gets older. siegbert has his Anxiety Issues, and where laslow and xander both struggle w sociality as well, i think laslow can relate in a more... empathetic way? dealing with some of the emotional aftermath and letting feelings be feelings (this isn't to say siegbert doesn't go to xander or that xander doesn't help, i just think they're good at different things). on a more lighthearted note, i think laslow's really good at getting a giggle out of siegbert, and good at finding ways to alleviate pressure. he's been doing this for years with xander. and yes, xander and siegbert need different things, but laslow's good at pinpointing those things
something i rly like abt their relationship is that i think that where siegbert more openly shows his idolization of xander (like we see in-game), he still does something really similar with laslow. looking up to him, taking inspiration from him. it just comes out in different ways. for example, siegbert probably trusts laslow's opinions... a lot. considers his sometimes more than his own. and he's just fascinated by the stories he tells. even after laslow's married to xander, i like to think he still travels (and drags xander with him as often as he can--and also drags their kids along as often as he can hahaha), and those stories in particular really entrap siegbert. which is good for a budding prince, i think something laslow (and eventually siegbert and soleil) has that xander lacks is some open mindedness, and not being so narrowly nohr-centric in his perspective--esp in upbringing, if that makes sense. this is also why i like laslow taking xander traveling, cause ultimately i think it would do him good.
ONTO!!! soleil and xander!! ive mentioned before how much i like the grumpy-dad and peppy-daughter dynamic, but. to reiterate: i really really like it gjsjfjsnf soleil, similarly to laslow but probably even more, tends to go to xander and ramble about her girl successes and failures. just barging into his office like i hope you're not busy cause i have things to SAY!! and i don't think xander dismisses her, but he does make her wait sometimes, hahaha. i also think xander will often tell soleil what she needs to hear, rather than what she wants, and ultimately for her that's better than the alternative. he's not entirely harsh (though he can be and that's something to work on), but honest. he also dotes on her more than he should by a xander-standard LOL
i think soleil provides to xander a lot of brightness--it is NOT lost on me that they named her soleil, sun, in a place like nohr. i think surrounding xander with bright people is a fantastic idea. and just like laslow's doing with the traveling thing, soleil probably gets xander to socialize a little more, haha. he isn't a brick wall that can't talk to anybody, but--he does strike me as the kind of guy who has coworkers, but not friends, ya feel me. soleil's confident and full of energy, and tbh i think she's the type to really want attention from her parents, so asking xander to come along with her is a frequent request. and that eventually, naturally, leads to xander getting out more. she doesn't have the same setback as laslow that if he gets shy enough he'll retreat entirely while they're out, hahaha
and one final note to round this off: i like to think!! that xander and soleil are both cat people (xander = cabbit, and soleil has lines about owning kitten posters), where laslow and siegbert are dog people (i have many aus where laslow has a pet dog so this is more of a 'because i said so' kinda thing) (also you might be inclined to think cat for siegbert also but i need you to look inward. deeper. i think he'd like the enthusiasm...!!! i have more i could say but i'll leave it at that)
there you go!! :D
#GAWD this was long. i was writing the second part of the siegbert one and i was like shit#i still have soleil's to go. ghsjfjsb#i rly do have more to say. but.....#my next longfic after my current one is LITERALLY all about this. especially as the story goes on#and im rattling the bars of my cage like. i wanna explore this in the fic rather than here#cause i can do it BETTER in the fic i know i can#so. eventually there will be more on this topic. if you're still interested in (checks scheduling notes) a year? gjsjgjsjfjsdn#that fic is easily why i have so much to say NOW. i think abt it a lot#and honestly i just really really love parent/child dynamics of all sorts#especially from both of their perspectives. you know!!!#anyway thank u anon for giving me the chance to ramble. this is seriously some of my fave stuff#ahhh this reminded me i have a fan parent-child support for xander and soleil i still need to write out#i have the synopsis but it's not really properly *written*#part of that is bc im indecisive on the formatting tho#comically i think the mother-son support for siegbert works very well to just slide laslow into#but tbh id like to eventually make one for them too#just for fun hehe#okay i will stop now because tags are getting long too#(<- girl who can't shut up abt her ships)#dots answers asks#anonymous#dots's xnlw tag
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