#this is literal shit but i have been working on it for days
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dwarf-vader-of-middle-earth · 13 hours ago
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What's more is, I'm not sure about anyone else, but my school started enforcing this in 6th grade. I mean enforce.
Beginning in the 6th grade, history class required us every Friday to bring in some news article of a current event, and we began our classes with each student presenting a summary of their event.
Our English class required us to write a periodical weekly on a current event.
Our science teacher required every student to bring in articles each week regarding scientific current events, whether about disease, discovery, developments, etc.
If there was a huge event happening, our teachers loaded the live stream on every classroom computer but kept it silent, just so we could watch as we learned.
And every teacher repeatedly told us, especially our history teacher, it was our responsibility as US citizens to keep up with the worldwide news. No exception. He forced it down our throats that we had to morally throw ourselves into the worldwide happenings daily and that we should all watch multiple news sources. Our English teacher did the same.
And for every single year following until graduation, it was enforced in our curriculum to keep up with worldwide news without any exception unless we wanted to fail and repeat the year since the majority of our grades relied on the homework which, again, was always based on current events.
That fucking term. "Current events". It sickens me. It's legitimately traumatic.
Because you know what happened to every single student in my school by junior year?
We were depressed as fuck without reprieve, unable to even focus in class with half the kids falling asleep at their desks, no one was happy, and literally all of us hated our lives. Many were admitted to mental hospitals for anxiety and depression issues, and it wasn't unusual to see someone gone for days or weeks at a time and for others to forget about them existing entirely because it's a very small school with less than 1,000 kids and you just let shit slide there. And that missing kid was always in a mental health crisis of some sort.
As an adult who's been out of school for 7 years now, I'm trying my damnedest to break the habit of burying myself in the news that my school enforced.
I don't know what's going on at all anymore. I don't pay attention because I need to focus on myself, my health physically and mentally, I need to take care of my sick mother and my father who is getting a hip replacement next month, I have to work and pay off my car repair, I have a life to fucking live.
And that life is not obligated to impart itself entirely unto the worldly events that drain my will to live and cause nothing but depression, despair, and immense sorrow.
People have called me selfish for this. They've called me careless and ignorant, said I'm looking at the world through rose colored lenses.
But you know what isn't selfish? Helping my homeless friend by cooking her meals and offering a place to stay. Translating Spanish to English at the store for customers and workers who don't understand each other even though I don't work there I'm just shopping. Standing by my best friend whose dog just passed tragically from cancer this week. Helping my neighbors clean the fallen branches in their yards because they're elderly and can't do that. Stopping when I see a car broken down to ask if they need a cable jump or tools for repair.
The point is there are countless other ways to be morally and ethically good that aren't dependent on burnout and enthralling yourself in world news. There are ways to help that don't require money and donations, too. I'm disabled on very limited income, and I still do my part without being able to donate.
Give your neighbor a hand. Help that stranger with their car. Give some food to the homeless. Put your old books in the little free library. Be genuinely kind and understanding to folks you come across whether daily or just once in a lifetime. Donate clothes you dislike or no longer wear to the local foundations and drives.
But for fucks sake, stop burning yourselves to the point you're melted wax in the glass jar with no wick to reignite you.
the social norm of “its your ethical responsibility to be constantly aware of, and angry about, every bad thing happening in the world at all times, even if you can’t possibly do anything about it” is possibly the best way I can imagine to create burnout and cynicism and depression in a population, so good job guys
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quantum1mmortality · 1 day ago
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oooooo I have so many ideas…
If you have a kid with curly, how does he react as a father? He gives me SUCH STRONG girl dad energy and I can’t tell you why. This man is a GIRL DAD. How is he as a parent? Does he cook? Can he help his kid with math homework? Is he a family man? I’m so curious to see your thoughts on this.
Prob like the 7th request I've gotten for dad/dilf Curly 😭😭 also to my very special anon who has been in my asks for a very special Jimmy request, give me a few days, it'll be out love 🪽(I'm busy asf rn)
Tw/cw; none!! All sfw this time :) see guys I can be family friendly when I want to be
Not proofread
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I've actually gone over this in the tags of a different post, I do think Curly would be a girl dad. He'd want twin girls and you guys canNOT tell me different.
After you come home from the hospital, Curly would do literally everything for you and the new babies. He'd prepare healthy meals for you, he'd help clean and feed the babies, if one of them started crying in the middle of the night he'd insist on being the one to take care of it, etc.
Basically the bare minimum but is still praised because the bare minimum is hard to come by now.
I see Curly as the type of man to be raised by a single mom and having no father figure. Morbid? A bit, but it helped shape him into the super awesome sauce girl dad he is today.
Because of having an absent father, Curly would go above and beyond to make sure he's present in his children's lives. Any days he has off, he's spending time with you and your new baby girls. Oh, his daughter's are in a school play? He's calling off work and showing up with flowers and chocolates for both of them. Shit like that
Curly would come into work late or just take the day off completely if you needed extra help with the kids. He'd leave work early to pick them up from school if you couldn't. He WANTS to be there. And just remember guys, if he wanted to, he would.
Curly would also try to be home early so he could read them bedtime stories. Idk I just think that's cute.
Once they start growing up, he's getting more into their interests. Curly would be the type of dad to let his daughters put makeup on him and have them do his nails. He would happily walk into pony express as a well known captain and have nail polish everywhere on his hands BUT his nails.
And yes, he would help his kids with their homework. Something about Curly makes me think he took mathematics in college, and I can safely say he is breaking every generational curse by not making your children cry over their math homework.
BONUS CONTENT!!!; Curly would want older twin daughters (obviously, we just went over that) and a younger boy. He would want to name the boy Dallas, but I can't think of any names for the girls. He'd like the name Phoebe a lot, so probably that and maybe a name like Sophia for the other twin.
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A/N; too many curly fics, must make master list
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tsubasakruger · 3 days ago
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Look, re: one customer acknowledging that a previous customer was an asshole: I currently have a total experience of four years and two months working in retail and the food industry, I have faced four Christmases, one New Year's Eve and one Independence Day (which is important in this context, being an extremely busy day in the sort of job I had at the time), and I have faced so many asshole customers I can't even remember half of them – matter of fact, I can't even remember every type of asshole I've encountered while working retail/food industry.
In all that time, and even through all those complicated holidays, I've only cried on the job once.
Want to take a guess at what happened?
A customer was an absolute asshole for something that wasn't even my fault, but rather a consequence of a shit ton of customers doing the same thing he'd been trying to do. Now, at that point I was well used to customers being assholes and blaming me for literally anything, and honestly once I managed to get him to leave I was just going to wait until the last customers left so I could rant to my coworkers and forget about the whole thing... which I would have, if one customer who'd been near the back of the line while this went down hadn't gotten to the front and sympathetically acknowledged that the guy had been an asshole and the problem hadn't been my fault.
I thanked her and finished ringing her up, asked one of my coworkers to take over the register, and promptly went to the bathroom to cry.
So, yeah. Be kind to retail and food service workers. Enough people treat us like shit, please don't be one of them.
People always gloss over how mentally damaging it can be to work in retail. I fucking hate that whenever I say “I could never work in retail again” someone has to reply “You snowflake millennials can’t take a starter job because you have to INTERACT with other people” No. Fuck you. I’ve worked as a planetarium host. I’ve worked as a public speaker. I’ve worked as a tutor and as a student teacher. I can work with people. I can work with crowds. Retail was fucking different. Retail was being treated as a subhuman. Retail was being treated so poorly that you have anxiety attacks before work. Having to work retail was a factor in my last suicide attempt. If I hear you say one fucking word about retail workers playing the victim I will personally break every bone in your body. Fuck You.
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carpkoinobori · 6 hours ago
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[⟢] cop car — karina x reader
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[𖤐] 1/1 [please be aware this is all fiction! none of this is real and idols behavior is not accurately represented.]
song(s): cop car - mitski | no te pido mas - helenita vargas | de oro - la familia andre | la murga - willie colón | la cuchilla - las hermanas calle
summary: you grew up desperate and made your way to the top, even started working for DAS. but your first assignment shouldn’t have been this— they sent you to die. your body lived, though. you didnt.
pairing: patrón!karina x halcón!reader (also x teniente!giselle)
tags: angst, like horrible angst, toxic and I mean Very Toxic yuri, major character death, implied sexual content, this is DARK, set in 1970-90’s colombia, kind of ambiguous but happy ending? reader is lowk stupid and a bop
wc: 10.9k
cw: karina is horribly manipulative, cartels, guns, selling, making, and use of drugs, use of weapons, murder, bombs, death, etc. this is about the colombian cartel ok shit is fucked.
ex: before there’s any outrage I AM COLOMBIAN. all information is acquired through primary sources (ex: family who literally lived through it). most info will be accurate, but my family specifically lived in medellín, calí, and barranquilla. this is set in bogotá. apologies for any city-based in accuracies.
a/n: this is for you aettudae my #1 ❤️
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1964, Cundinamarca, Colombia Local time: 1:00 A.M. Location: a small town in Soacha, Cundinamarca, Colombia Objective: . . .
You were born on the outskirts of the city. Bogotá, the capital— the inside was rich, used to be filled with tourists, big buildings and fancy cars. The outside was él pueblo, where you’d wake up at three in the morning, walk to the nearest bus stop, which was probably a few kilometers away, take the buses that never ran on time with the rest of the exhausted men and women heading to work— work for rich people that ran the city till nightfall, get on another bus, and walk a few kilometers home, every day, constantly, while getting paid barely enough to support your family.
That was if you didn’t get robbed, or blown up in the middle of the city, of course— political unrest stemming from La Violencia had made FARC, and the cartel had begun to ramp up production and organization, planting car bombs under public buses and cars. The country was rife with bombings and gang violence till the late 90’s.
But right now, it was in the very early morning.
You would be born in 1964 to a poor family living in Soacha, Cundinamarca, Colombia, right on the outskirts of Bogotá. Your mother would be killed in 1970. Your father would be killed en la cantina, at night, in 1972.
You had been working since 12, anyway. Being told of your pathetic father’s death by a police officer who clearly did not care was when it was decided— you would not die in this town. You would make a name for yourself.
You were right, of course. You did make a name for yourself— you took down one of the most prominent cartel leaders in the country.
Or, at least, that’s what the media thought.
LA VERDAD DE LO QUE PASÓ EN 1993 —————————————————————— THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED IN 1993.
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1985, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 2:00 P.M. Location: Departamento Administrativo de Seguridad | Administrative Department of Security (DAS) HQ Objective: Enter the meeting
You made it into DAS at 21.
Really, it was probably just because the high-rank workers felt bad for you. They understood— a girl from the outer part near Bogotá, no parents— you just wanted to make the country better for people like you.
You were given small jobs like paperwork and editing documents, until now. They were calling you in for your first meeting. Despite your usually serious nature, you couldn’t help a bubble of excitement. You’d finally be able to help like you’d always wanted.
which is why it was confusing why everyone was so somber when you walked in.
“Good morning,” you greeted, taking a seat.
“Good morning, y/n,” replied the woman who headed the ground-team. All your coworkers around her looked solemn, and you stared at them all puzzled.
“Your first assignment will be to infiltrate a specific branch of the Bogotá cartel— we fear they might be working with either FARC or plan to merge with another faction, and they’re already quite dangerous as it is— we don’t need more of them,”
the room was silent. You knew what this was— your first year on the job with barely any training. They were sending you to die, just to get some information.
You sat up straight, squaring your shoulders. You would get the information to help your people. You would live.
“I understand,” you replied, with a nod, standing to collect your file.
The woman handing it to you leaned in, a pained look in her eyes “Perdón,”
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1985, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 10:54 P.M. Location: Una cantina Objective: Scout an in to the “organization”
The woman in charge of the specific section of the widespread cartel that was causing so much destruction frequented a specific bar. You had been given her file— she was beautiful, with dark hair and pale skin, but she didn’t seem to be colombian. It didn’t really matter, to you— you weren’t here to ask her why she’d made these choices— you needed to infiltrate one of the largest cartels in Bogotá, on your first job.
you sighed, your head in your hands, the bartender giving you a cursory glance. The place was seedy, filled with alcoholics and sex-workers, as well as probably cartel members, which is why you were here.
You sat up, looking around. It was said Karina frequented this bar. You prayed she’d show up, making the sign of the cross.
God delivered— she walked in, with two other people you didn’t quite recognize— one had dark hair, as well, with big eyes, although her face was serious. The other was lithe, thin— her hair was shorter, and lighter in color, more similar to a brown.
You knew what you’d have to do to start getting information. It made you feel a little sick— a part of you, though, was grateful Karina was so beautiful. Her smile was cocky and smug, that of someone who knew she was untouchable. She made conversation with her two accompanies, talking and laughing and drinking. You waited for an hour or so, that she was now most definitely more than tipsy.
you walked over, wearing a short, tight black dress that let you fit the bill of another profession, looking at her through half lidded eyes.
another thing about the cartel. if they wanted a girl, they’d have her. The club was a dangerous place, the bar was a dangerous place— she’d seen a man get shot at a hamburger cart. The cartel was ruining the country.
you pushed down your sudden wave of resentment, focused on flirting with Karina. Her friend, the long haired girl, stared at you for a long time, scrutinizing. You wouldn’t know what that meant, for a while.
Karina grinned, tilting her head. “Can I buy you a drink?”
“I don’t see why not,” you smiled, voice practiced to be smooth and flirty. You didn’t drink, usually, but you needed the courage.
She handed you a shot of aguardiente. It was dry and burned your throat, but it was good. You made conversation. “What’s a girl like you doing in a place like this?” You smiled, putting a hand on her arm. “Seems a bit.. dirty,”
Karina smiled, predatorily, teeth glinting in the low yellowed light. “Just trying to relax. You don’t seem like the type of girl to frequent this place. Why are you here?” She asked back.
“Oh, just.. trying to have a little fun,” you replied, lowly, voice ghosting over her ear. She seemed to like that answer.
“Yeah? Why don’t you come home with me, then?”
Your smile widened, although your eyes with still half lidded, touches fleeting. You still played your part.
“I will,”
you ended up going home with Karina. It took months to get her to trust you, but you had finally managed to get her to let you start working. All it took was a sob-story, a fake name, and she allowed you to work in her jurisdiction.
and so began the first objective: names. You needed names.
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1985, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 4:33 P.M. Location: currently, a safehouse for the cartel Objective: Find the key members of the cartel
Karina had a home, of course, a large one— you had seen parts of the inside many a time. Of course, they also had some warehouses where they kept goods, where some of the members could crash for a night. You usually stayed with Karina, following her orders.
Some of the members used fake names. You had managed to catch onto one— Ning Yizhou, or NingNing. It was kind of stupid to put part of your real name in your fake name, but plenty of members didn’t use false names at all. You supposed it was just because they didn’t have much to hide.
The name was quietly recorded into your notebook— in code, of course, specifically pigpen-cipher, although you mixed it in with a few different things, referencing dice code as well to make it more confusing— the members of the organization sometimes forgot to call out their chosen names for each other, slipping up. You didn’t mind, though, it made your life easier.
The group had a whole network across Bogotá, planning to move into Medellín, which you felt was not a good idea, but had said nothing.
at one point, Karina brought you all out to eat at a very nice restaurant. You had become a favorite of sorts, for her. She didn’t suspect a thing, thank god.
They began to make small talk, conversations imbued with remarks about the ‘business’, people causing problems, supply and demand, and those annoying Americans.
the waiter came, and everyone quieted.
”Una cerveza, porfa,” Karina was first.
“Dame un refresco, por favor,” Giselle.
You felt something.. off. Obviously, Giselle wasn’t colombian. None of these four women were. But they all learned Spanish here. None of them really spoke Spanish beforehand. Giselle was speaking very.. correctly. Or, at-least, not using slang from colombia. Had she learned Spanish in Mexico? Castellano? Was she part of another gang?
you hadn’t noticed it was your turn to order with all the thoughts running through your mind. You looked at the waiter, glancing at Giselle.
“Si me haces el favor, una gaseosa,”
Giselle didn’t seem fazed by it. but something was off about her. Something was very, very off.
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“Karina,” you called, walking into her office. She seemed to be writing something down. Most likely something about funds or money. She did have people in the banks to clean her money for her, but she didn’t like others running her finances. Too much of a chance for embezzlement. A part of you liked she was smart with her business.
“Winter told me you called for me?” You murmured, leaning against the side of her desk, tilting your head, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“Ah, yes,” she affirmed, turning in her chair to you. “I have a job I need you to complete. You’ll be going with Winter,” she informed. “It’s nothing that difficult. You’ll both be going on some runs. It’ll just be delivering a few.. products, to a contact. It’ll be a long drive, maybe a few hours. She’ll come get you at four in the morning, exactly,”
Your face stayed carefully blank, but you plastered a content smile onto it. “Of course, I’m glad to be of any help. Speaking of help, Karina, you seem a little stressed..” you smiled wider, voice imbued with a sultry tone.
Karina was honestly a bit foolish. Smart with money, bad with people. Perfect for you.
She still suspected nothing, you thought, as she kissed you, hungrily.
the night ended with her paperwork left unfinished, and you asleep in her bed.
Winter was probably not going to be happy.
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Winter was waiting outside the room for you, arms crossed and leaning on the wall. You had dressed into something casual— just jeans and a shirt. You glanced over at her with a blank expression. “What do we need to deliver?”
She seemed to be thinking, before pushing off the wall, and beginning to walk. You followed.
“Guerrilla wants some weapons. We’re just there to deliver,” she muttered, cigarette hanging half out of her mouth, unlit. You made your way to the car, getting in the passenger, the supplies in the back. “It’ll be a long drive up the mountain. Let’s try not to get stopped, yeah?” She muttered, starting the ignition.
You drove in silence, for a bit. The humidity of the air was starting to get to you. You hated the heat.
Winter didn’t talk to you, much. You didn’t think she liked you. You were pretty sure it was because she believed you weren’t worthy to be in the gang— you were just Karina’s plaything.
you didn’t really care what she thought, though. You had a job to do.
after a few hours, you had made it sufficiently up the mountain to the trade-off point. You stepped out of the car.
It was still foggy, from the rain and the altitude. You almost felt a bit lightheaded— but it was nothing you couldn’t handle. The plants and mosquitos were certainly bothersome, but you said nothing. Helping Winter lug up all the weapons was definitely hard— you weren’t very strong. Winter stared at you in annoyance, mumbling curses, most likely about you, under her breath.
the trade off was successful, but then, yet again, you had to make your way down the mountain with duffel bags of money. It was heavy. Putting it away in the trunk was simple enough. You collapsed back into the passenger, wiping the sweat from your forehead. You felt gross.
“Why was that so heavy?” You muttered, under your breath. Winter closed the door of the driver’s side.
“It’s not that heavy, you’re just weak,” she spat, annoyed. “You made us take an extra half hour. You’re not efficient,” she continued.
“It’s hardly my fault, Winter! This was my first job, I don’t-”
“I don’t know why Karina thought it’d be a good idea to let you help, you’re absolutely shit at it,” she retorted, acidly. “The only thing you’re good at is being her whore,” she cursed, as a snide closing remark.
You turned to her as she drove. You may be making sacrifices to get information, but Winter had no idea what you were working towards. It was an insult to your pride. Yet, you couldn’t think of a retort.
“I’ll work harder,” you muttered. “I want to be useful,”
she scoffed, but at least you said you’d try. She still didn’t like you, though. “Face it, sweetheart,” she began. “You’re not cut out for this life,”
When you arrived back to the warehouse, Ningning spotted Winter before you. You were taking some of the bags out, but could still here from the inside.
“Kim Minjeong! What took you so long?” She chided.
Winter rolled her eyes with a scoff. “Quiet down, Ning. Karina’s toy isn’t supposed to know our names until she proves herself. And anyway, she’s nearly useless. She’s the reason I took longer,”
you obviously pretended not to hear as you hauled money bags inside.
Two names down. Two to go.
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Giselle and Karina were two harder to find out then the other two. You were sure with enough time, Karina would tell you her real name. She seemed on the verge of it, anyway, with how much she wanted to hear it fall from your lips.
Giselle, though.. you had no contact with her. She was always off, managing distribution or making sure people stayed in line. You never saw her around much.
but slowly, you began to become part of the group. You mostly helped on small runs, with either Winter or Ning. Ning didn’t really care what name you called her, writing it off as semantics that didn’t matter. Winter, of course, took herself very seriously, so you continued to have to address her formally. She was such a pain, but honestly, you didn’t mind much.
what you had to focus on now, most of all, was getting Karina to trust you.
that came in the form of another run. Although this time, it went so, so wrong.
You were meant to drop off a shipment near Medellín. You didn’t think anything would happen, really— the mountains were a bit far out from Bogotá, and it was closer to the border anyway.
You had been given a gun. It was handed to you by Ning a few weeks prior, under the orders of Karina. You knew how to use one, and no one asked why.
the drive there was mostly silent. Winter still wasn’t very warm to you, yet, she didn’t hate you. You had begun to earn your place, and she respected the effort, if anything.
You drove, and the closer you got to the warehouse, the more dread washed into your bones. “Winter,” you called, under your breath. “I think we’re being watched,”
“We’ve been down this route a million times, y/n. We’re fine, no one would-”
a gunshot rang out through the silence.
It missed Winter by a centimeter, hitting the windshield. You cursed the fact these jeeps didn’t have roofs or side-door windows. Minjeong sped up, of course— if she braked they’d fire again. It was all a blur, from there. You got out of the car, your back against the corrugated metal of the drop off point’s doors. You stared around you, pointing at an old building. “There, Winter- it’s a-”
“Snipers,” she finished, eyes wide with panic. “Hijueputa! I fucking knew we should’ve stayed away from Medellín-”
“No fucking time for that, Winter, get down-”
bullets cut through the air. You dragged Winter behind the Jeep’s metal body, looking over it and shooting wherever the bullets rained from.
there was maybe three people, four, even. Winter focused on the right, you focused on the left. You only had a pistol on you, but luckily you had enough rounds. You aimed straight at one man’s head— it was a straight shot, and you saw the blood spew out from his forehead. It was a mess of blood and bits of brain as far as you could see, his body slumping over the sandbags where he was hiding. They turned red, quickly.
You peeked over the jeep, again, about to shoot the second man on the left when—
a sharp pain was felt in your right shoulder. The force of it sent you nearly falling back, but you caught yourself. You looked straight ahead.
the sniper.
You were panicking and filled with adrenaline— you set the gun on the other man, watching him rise slowly, and—
straight into the neck, blood rushed out of the wound, and you heard a disgusting gargling noise. Blood, in some areas, was highly pressurized— it would shoot out like a fountain.
Winter had managed to shoot the sniper, finally, which was a miracle considering the distance. Right now, you didn’t care about the logistics of how, all you knew was that this was a trap. More people were coming. “Winter, we have to go,” you demanded, looking over at her.
She was bleeding from her thigh and side. Fucking hell.
you shoved her into the passenger seat, ignoring the warmth you could feel trickling down your shoulder, the way it hurt to move your arm. You started the car, and drove straight out of there. You drove as fast as you could, making it back in just around two hours and a half. You had tied your jacket around Winter’s leg, and her own around her side, the other girl groaning in pain throughout the ride. “Ya, Winter, cállate!” You spat, stressed and frazzled. “You’re gonna be fine, you’re gonna be okay-” you continued, clenching your jaw to not scream from the burning in your shoulder.
When you made it back, you stumbled out of the car, glass shards all over the hood, opening the doors. “Ning,” you called, knowing she’d always be near, most likely cleaning some blood after an interrogation or packing some coke. “Ning, it was a trap- help, please, Winter got shot,” you continued, calling out desperately. Ning appeared a few seconds after, eyes wide, rushing to the car. She helped Winter inside, laying her on the couch. She had lost a bit of blood, but the bullet hadn’t hit a major artery. You knew the bullet shouldn’t have hit her heart, either. Ning looked at you, seriously. “Go get Karina. And Giselle,”
you did as told.
you rushed to Karina’s office, the older woman looking at you with a bored expression, gaze lingering on your shoulder.
She didn’t ask any questions, just raised an eyebrow. “It was a trap,” you replied, panting, ignoring your own bleeding shoulder. “Winter.. she needs- she needs a hospital,”
Karina looked unsurprised. “Oh, yes,” she replied, holding your gaze. “How unfortunate of an event,”
Her words were.. slow. Almost mocking or sarcastic— you didn’t have time to decipher what they meant. She brushed past you, making her way to Winter, calmly
“Ning, how bad is it?” She questioned, leaning over the other girl’s body. There was no hint of worry or concern on her face, just curiosity.
“Not fatal, but serious. It didn’t hit the femoral artery, but I suspect it either fracture or grazed her femur. For the side wound, I don’t think it hit anything major, maybe a rib, but no organs. Even so, she needs medical attention now, Karina— speaking of, where is Giselle?” She continued, exasperated and stressed.
“She should be on her way. She was coming back from a job, already. She should be here soon,” was Karina’s nonchalant reply.
you decided that she couldn’t really be waited on, and Karina was clearly unhelpful.
“Do you guys have an operating table? You know what— get me a table. Just get me a table,” you demanded, reaching for some surgical gloves.
They laid Winter on the table, turning on all the lights. You positioned a lamp right over her, and stared at the bullet wounds.
there were only 2. You could do this, you had been taught first aid. This couldn’t be that hard.
You began to clean the wounds with running alcohol and cotton balls, trying to wipe away the blood that wouldn’t stop, and clean the wounds. You had grabbed a pair of tweezers, planning on just yanking out the bullet yourself when Giselle slammed the doors open, staring at the scene in shock.
“What the fuck are you all doing?” She shrieked, rushing over and moving you away. “Do you have any surgical training at all? You could kill her!” She exclaimed.
“Well, you weren’t exactly coming very quickly,” you retorted, now insulted. “I’m sure it’s not that hard to remove a bullet, just take it out-”
“Are you an idiot?” She exclaimed, shocked. “Get out of the way, this is why I’m here. I’ll deal with this,”
she pushed you away, putting on her own pair of blue surgical gloves, and a mask. She moved the lamp to the wound on Winter’s chest, inspecting it. She took hold of the tweezers, cleaning the wound once again with an alcohol wipe— but there was no time for painkillers. She extracted the bullet carefully, holding Winter down so she wouldn’t squirm and hurt herself, followed by her stitching up the wound. It took around twenty minutes for the bullet hole to be stitched up.
she repeated the same process with the second, before cleaning the wounds, again, and beginning to wrap them with gauze. Winter looked pale, and in pain, but she tried to show no sign of it on her face. Once Giselle finished with her, she turned over to you.
“Sit,” she instructed, voice flat and providing no room for judgement.
Karina had shrugged, disappearing back to her office, while Ning had left to go help Winter, leaving you alone with Giselle. She removed your shirt, unclipping your bra with practiced ease, and inspecting the wound. It had started to really hurt, now, the adrenaline having worn off.
“Don’t you have painkillers?” You asked, petulantly.
“No,” she muttered back. “You can handle it. You’re part of a gang, now, there’s going to be pain,” she reminded, harshly.
She cleaned the wound with alcohol, a hiss leaving your mouth at the sting. Your breath hitched when the tweezers made their way into the wound on your shoulder, clenching your jaw in pain. Giselle looked at you, coldly. “Don’t scream,” were her final words before she removed the bullet, cleanly, in one piece.
you gasped in pain, breathing heavily as the wound began to bleed again. Giselle held your other shoulder, keeping you in place as she sewed it shut, cleaning it again, and wrapping it with gauze. “Fuck,” you hissed, wincing at the sting of alcohol.
“Stop squirming,” she growled, and it made you sit still, albeit breathing hard and cursing under your breath. She handed you two pills— painkillers— and a glass of water, after the fact.
“Don’t take baths, you’ll reopen the wound, make sure to shower. Someone will have to help you redress the wound and make sure it doesn’t get infected. Karina isn’t good with wounds, and Ning will handle Winter. I’ll keep an eye on you myself,” she muttered, and it felt more like a threat than anything.
you took the pills, drinking the water to wash them down.
you glanced over to her.
“What are you, a doctor?” You asked, curious albeit a bit sarcastic.
“Yes, technically, I am,” she responded back, flatly. “Worked in el campo for my residency, saw the Guerrilla, saw the way people were living— got into this business, just as it started. That’s all,” she finished, succinctly.
you felt like the story was too practiced. Too simple. You began to suspect that something was off with Giselle— something most definitely was. The way she was never with the rest of the group, her detachment, her strange accent— she was suspicious, and it occurred to you that if you could reveal whatever it was, you’d secure yourself a spot in the gang and officially cement your place, as well as weakening the structure and trust of the organization. It was perfect. This was a great chance, an amazing opportunity. You were sure to take it.
That is, of course, if everything went according to plan.
(It never did)
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You couldn’t shake the feeling that Karina had something to do with this. She seemed so dismissive, so.. unimpressed. What was it? Why was she so cold?
You sat at the edge of Winter’s bed, the other girl listening to your ramblings and theories half-heartedly, dazed. Ning was leaning against the wall, the both of you speaking lowly, so as to not be heard.
“She was testing you,” Ningning informed, after mulling on it for a bit.
“What?” You blinked, the words like a shock to your system. “She sent one of her men— along with the newest recruit— into a trap, with only two pistols against a sniper and three other men, all to test.. no, why would she do that? She wouldn’t endanger her own members,” you dismissed, shaking your head.
“She would,” Ning informed, flatly. “Karina’s our boss, yes, we respect her. But she didn’t get to where she is by playing nice,” she reminded. “Karina will do whatever she has to do to ensure her business, first and foremost. That is what is the most important to her. Plus, the government has been far too close to us, lately,” Ning scoffed, shaking her head with her arms crossed. “She’s probably become more careful— which isn’t good if you’re new. You’re probably in for it,” The dark haired girl guessed, meeting your gaze. “I wouldn’t be surprised if we got dragged into it, too. We’re disposable. Just pawns in this game,” she continued, pushing off the wall and reaching the door, hand resting on the handle. “But I hope you make it out,” she added. “You’ve been helpful,” was her final compliment, before she exited.
You stared at your hands. You had thought— genuinely— that Karina was kind, maybe misunderstood. You really thought you were smarter than her.
you now realized that Karina was extremely intelligent. She didn’t care what sacrifices had to be made— she’d protect what was hers, what she’d built. Worst of all, she might even know you were an informant already, she might just be playing with you.
you had walked right into the lion’s den, without even knowing. All the while, you thought you were one step ahead, that you were in control.
your head fell to your hands, a choked sob leaving your body.
you were going to die here.
Every single one of you was going to die here.
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1985, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 6:25 P.M. Location: currently, a safehouse for the cartel Objective: Find the key members of the cartel
it had been a week since the incident. Winter had given you her real name— Kim Minjeong. Why? She said you had earned it, after saving her life.
Things had been tense, to say the least. Ning was considerably angry with Karina, which the older girl did not like. Giselle had been speaking to Karina more often, yet, she was also out the same amount of time.
Minjeong had told you that there had been talk of working more closely with the guerrilla, and that information worried you. The guerrilla was already enough trouble on its own— with the resources from the cartel, it’d be a horrible force for the government.
It was early November, already, and Giselle had seemed beyond tense, pacing whenever you caught a glimpse of her in her room, always thinking to herself, it seemed.
she was changing your bandages, now, a distant look on her face. The movements were practiced, almost like she was working on autopilot.
“Hey,” you called. “Giselle,”
“What?” She responded, flatly. “What is it?”
“Why do you seem so mad lately?” Was your question. She kept a blank, annoyed look on her face. She continued to clean your wound, but eventually responded. “Nothing. Just some negotiations that have been going in circles for days, now. Don’t worry about it,” she dismissed, stepping back once she had finished, moving to get some gauze.
“Really?” You hummed. “Anything to do with the guerrilla?”
Giselle stared, clenching her jaw. She began to bandage you, but spoke lowly. “Don’t talk about them. You have no idea what they’re like. You shouldn’t know any of this, anyway. I’m sure Karina wouldn’t like that,” she added, dangerously.
After the events that transpired on your last run, you had grown wary of Karina. You tried not to make it obvious, but everyone could tell, and the girl delighted in it. She loved the power and control, of course. Her smile was unsettling.
you quieted, after that comment. Giselle finished bandaging you, stepping away. “Stay out of things that don’t concern you,” she advised, but took a second to add something on. “Don’t worry too much. I don’t think she’ll kill you,” Giselle paused, a smile blooming on her face, “Yet,” she added, walking out.
Not very comforting in the slightest, but you should figure out what you could while you were here. You sighed, laying back on the bed.
Giselle was definitely lying about something— you just needed to find out what.
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The guerrilla had led a siege on el Palacio de Justicia. It lasted two days, with many deaths. You saw the current news on it, even contacted your people in DAS about it— they had strictly warned you not to unless information was found, but those were your people. They could’ve died.
Giselle watched the news over your shoulder, or listened to it while she fixed your bandages. Minjeong had been getting better, too, her leg much better. Ning watched as well, her arms crossed.
Karina didn’t comment on it. Almost like she knew it would happen.
a suspicious amount of money was given to the guerilla by Karina a few weeks prior. You felt a shudder run through you, which Giselle responded to with a bark of “Stop squirming”.
later, Karina called you into her office.
“Y/n,” she smiled, tilting her head. “You seem.. on edge. May I ask why?” She was being overly formal, and it unsettled you.
“Ever since the attack, I keep feeling like it’ll happen again,” you began, rambling— it wasn’t a lie, per se, but it wasn’t the whole truth. The fear in your eyes and shakiness of your movement confirmed that, at least, it was partially true. “Im scared, that they’ll come here, and kill us. I don’t know what to do,”
Karina’s smile stayed in place, as she ushered you to sit down on the couch, there. “Don’t worry, corazón,” she assured, a hand running through your hair. You began to relax— maybe she wasn’t so scary, after all— It was understandable, maybe it wasn’t actually a test, maybe-
“As long as you’re loyal, nothing bad will happen to you,” she continued, hand tightening in your hair. “If you were to sell us out, then, you understand. I couldn’t promise your protection,” her hand strengthening its grip on your hair, speaking into your ear.
“Now, why don’t we get your mind off it?” She offered, looking into your eyes with a faux-sweet expression.
you complied, obviously. Despite the fear, there was a part of you that was drawn to her. She was threatening to kill you if you betrayed her, yet, you still kissed her, desperately.
she kissed back, of course, hungrily and heatedly.
That’s how most of the both of your talks ended, anyway.
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1986, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 12:01 AM Location: una discoteca Objective: Find the key members of the cartel
It was 1986, now— had just turned into the new year. You were at a club, celebrating another year alive.
You had no idea where the other three girls went, thoroughly tipsy and entranced with Karina.
Karina was a bad person, you knew this. She was ruthless, and you should be scared of her.
but right now, with her hands on your hips, in the flashing lights of the club, you couldn’t quite remember that.
The two of you stumbled into the quieter, back parts of the club where there were rooms. Karina knew this place better than you, anyway.
it was still loud, and you could barely hear anything. She pressed you against the wall, tugging your hair, beginning to suck and bite at your neck.
she was most definitely drunk, you could tell by the flush to her face and how her words were looser than normal.
You knew you should’ve taken advantage of this, but you couldn’t. Your body felt hot, and instead of finding information, like you should have, you fell right back into Karina like a rat to a glue-trap.
you were pathetic.
and you knew it.
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1986, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 2:23 AM Location: a safehouse for the cartel Objective: Find the key members of the cartel
Karina had called you into her office, except this time, Giselle was there.
You were beyond exhausted, but did not complain.
They were both intimidating. Giselle was staring at you, coldly, arms crossed, while Karina had an amused expression on her face, grinning, head tilted into her hand.
“Y/n, I have a job for you,” she called, in a cheery voice.
“It shouldn’t be too hard, but you’ll be working with Giselle from now on. It’ll be good for you,” she continued, standing up and walking towards you. “She’ll keep you safe— won’t you, Gigi?” She asked, almost mockingly, a saccharine expression in her face.
“You’ll have a body by the end of the day. That’s all you want her for, anyway,” Giselle retorted, irritated.
“How great! Come now, y/n, Giselle will explain,” Karina beckoned, quite happy today. Some expansion into the U.S. had gone well, you knew that much, but there was no reason she should be so.. animated.
Karina handed you a semiautomatic pistol, which you stared down at. She then smiled, handing you a small box of bullets. She still kept a smile on her face, remarking, “You know, these are special. They’re hollow point bullets— Ningning made them,”
“What? She made them?” You knew of hollow-point bullets, they weren’t a secret, just uncommon.
“Drill a hole into them, cut an X to make some petals, and there you have it— well, I’d ask Ningning, of course, I’m not a weapons specialist. It’s quite easy,”
“But why? They don’t-”
“Effectiveness. They leave a bigger exit wound, and leave shrapnel inside the body at times,” Giselle interrupted. “In other words, pain. They’re used to inflict pain,”
Karina smiled, sadistic as ever, as she watched Giselle load some rifles.
“Today, we have a few hits to get done,” Giselle informed. “You’ll be coming with me. You know how to shoot a rifle?” She asked, glancing over at your horrified expression.
“No, I-”
“What about a pistol?”
You nodded.
“Perfect!” Karina exclaimed. “You can help with the interrogation, then. Giselle, I’ll meet you at the location. Try not to dirty her too much, hm?” Karina advised, slinking away.
“That’s why she’s so happy?” You asked, in shock. “Because-”
“Because she gets to kill someone? Yeah, that’s why. She’s sick in the head. You knew what you were getting into,”
you stared at Giselle in silence. The other girl was grabbing some sniper-rifle that you had never seen before, and several rounds of ammunition.
she loaded it into the car, and you two began the drive.
you held the pistol in your hands shakily, silent for most of the ride.
once you got to the location, you watched Giselle pray. You had heard of hitmen praying before their job, and you still couldn’t understand. They prayed to God to protect them, yet, they were about to take a life.
“Why are you praying?” You asked, suddenly, acidly. “We’re about to kill people, God wouldn’t-”
“It’s my job,” she interrupted, which was a common occurrence with Giselle. “It’s my job, and I’m just asking Him to keep me alive until it’s over,” she spat, coolly. “You don’t know what I’ve had to do. But you will, soon. So just shut up, will you?” She got out of the car, slamming the door shut. You scrambled after her, and the both of you hauled the equipment up the boarded-up, run-down building, up several flights of stairs, finally beginning to set it up after a few stories, looking down at a busy road.
“Why are we killing him?” You murmured your question, watching as Giselle began to adjust the rifle.
“He owes Karina money, and he won’t pay it. He also stole some of our goods and has been cutting pure cocaine with some other shit, I didn’t really care enough to figure out what. His other friend is the one we’ll be interrogating. He’ll die no matter what he says,” Giselle shrugged, watching the empty street, the morning finally coming through the sky, although the dark, clouded sky blocked the bright sun.
“How long will we be here?”
“However long it takes,”
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It turns out that “however long it takes” meant almost eight hours. You were bored to death, yet still terrified. You were about to kill someone. And you had been here, waiting on edge for it to happen, for almost eight hours. You felt like you were going to burst into tears.
“Giselle, how much longer is this gonna take?” You complained, although a bit shaky.
“Trust me, I don’t want to be here either,” she drawled. “But he should be here, soon. He works near here,”
It took maybe another half hour before he appeared. Giselle saw him before you did, obviously— you didn’t even know what he looked like— but she didn’t immediately shoot. Her eyes stared down at him through the scope, her fingers brushing against the trigger. He was wide open, walking slowly without a car in the world. He stopped for a second, someone crossing in front of him—
click.
you heard the gun go off before you looked down.
Giselle had shot him perfectly in the side of the head. You couldn’t see a lot, obviously, you were pretty high up, but you saw enough.
his body crumpled to the ground, immediately, blood pooling around him. People screamed, cars stopped, and they all were looking around frantically trying to find the shooter. Giselle moved the gun and herself away from the window, to the side where they weren’t visible.
“Come on, hurry up— we gotta go,” she urged.
“Hold on, won’t they see us step out of the building? Isn’t this a bad idea?”
“They won’t catch us, there’s too much chaos going down there. Now come on, let’s go,”
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The drive to the warehouse was relatively silent.
Giselle was tense, but that wasn’t new. She always was. But she seemed almost.. solemn. Quiet.
you both arrived, stepping out of the car, into the meeting point. Giselle had her own pistol, you also kept yours on hand.
when you entered, there was a man tied there. Giselle tensed when she saw him, but said nothing. You figured it was because of Karina, standing behind him with the same placid, content smile. It was eerie.
“Giselle, Y/n! You’ve made it,” she smiled. “I take it the job went well?”
“It was all fine,” Giselle replied. “Nothing out of the ordinary happened,”
“That’s great, really, it’s good! I’m quite happy today, Y/n, because we have a special guest. I know I said he owed me money— in a way he does— but this is something far more important. He works with the Americans! Isn’t that just amazing?” She continued, happily, waving her gun around in the air as she spoke. “I’m sure we’ll get some good information out of him,”
“So, the both of you, come! Let’s begin,” Karina gestured to the man, in the dim lights.
you figured, well— the show must go on.
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The man was tied to a chair, that much was obvious. The floor was concrete, and there were boarded up windows and maybe one or two hanging lightbulbs. It was a bit dark.
the walls were steel, corrugated iron, and it gave a prison-like feel. the man was looking around, wildly, straining against his restraints.
“Hey,” Karina called, walking closer to him.
“You’re going to tell me everything there is to know about those Americans, okay? And then I’ll let you go. As long as you don’t lie,” she assured, pausing. “Now talk,” she demanded.
“They’ve noticed the supply into their country. They’re working on stopping it. They’ve already sent a few agents to infiltrate a few different parts of the cartel—”
“Which ones?” Was her sharp, quick reply.
“Medellín, primarily, but they’ve been looking to Bogotá. I don’t know much more than that, I don’t even know who the agents are, I-”
“Ning!” Karina barked, the dark haired girl appearing out of the dark. She held a pistol in her hand, jaw clenched, staring up at Karina.. defiantly, almost. “Won’t you be a dear and deal with him, for me?”
Ning glanced to the man. His eyes widened, and he began to thrash. “No! I don’t know anything, I swear, I don’t know any agents! I don’t know anything!” He pleaded, desperately. Ning looked away, aiming the gun.
You heard a whispered ‘I’m sorry’, and she made the shot.
Through the head, perfectly center. Ning placed a hand over her mouth, the smell of blood biting and metallic, letting out a choked sob.
Karina looked over at Ning. “Now, Ning-ie, there’s a bus waiting for you outside. You’ll take that back to our meeting point, won’t you? So you won’t get caught?”
Ning nodded, wiping her eyes of tears. She went over to Giselle, they exchanged some words, hugged— she came over to you.
“Y/n.. I’m sorry. There’s no way to get you out, now. Be careful, don’t.. don’t trust anyone, don’t- just.. be careful, okay?” she advised, lowly, hugging you, still crying faintly.
“Ning, what- I don’t understand, why’re you acting like this?”
“You’ll tell Minjeong I’ll miss her, right? I wanted to say goodbye, properly, but.. I didn’t have time. I left a note,” she added, slipping it into your pocket inconspicuously, pulling away from the hug. “Give it to her, for me. You were fun to be around, I’ll miss you too. Don’t lose yourself, stay focused. It was nice to know you, y/n,”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll tell her- I’ll give it to her- Ning, why are you acting like this? What’s going on?”
Ning smiled, laughing wetly, still crying. “You’ll find out, later. You’ll find out..”
Karina walked Ning out of the warehouse. You and Giselle trailed behind, still a few paces away. The bus was parked right outside, filled with people.
Karina hugged Ning, whispered something to her which made Ning clench her fists and cry harder— you don’t know from what.
Ning got on the bus with a smile, crying— though you still didn’t know why— and waved goodbye.
You looked to Giselle, confused, watching the bus continue on, further down the street, already maybe a mile or two away from you. “What was that abou-”
your ears rang. You heard it before it registered.
the bus had exploded.
there was carnage, everywhere. Parts of it had been thrown into different buildings. There were body parts strewn across the street, a crater in the asphalt, fire, along the metal— cars had been crushed, it was now chaos in the streets. You had almost been pushed back from the force, nicking yourself with the small, sharp pieces of metal. Karina was still standing, her suit dusty and filled with ash.
“Karina, what- what did you do?” you cried, confused and distraught yet again, feeling the tears build in your eyes.
Karina cooed, crouching down over you, thumbing the skin under your eye. “Oh, mi amor, don’t cry,” she reassured. “Ning was working with the Americans. The man in the warehouse knew, and was helping her sneak information along our supply chain! Don’t worry, the traitor is gone,” she ran a hand through your now dirty hair, cleaning a cut on your face with her finger. She smiled, pressing a kiss to your cheek, speaking lowly into your ear.
“I’m tired of these Americans trying to ruin my business. They keep putting themselves where they don’t belong. Don’t worry, mi cielo, you’ll be safe as long as you’re loyal to me, and as long as you listen. I know you will. Because you’re trustworthy, aren’t you?” She smiled, looking down at you.
you nodded, dazed. Karina had just killed Ning. Ning was dead. You had to get out of here. You figured hundreds were injured. You had to leave.
Giselle was even farther back, looking at Karina with contempt.
you didn’t notice, though. You were too busy watching the flames dance in the street.
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1987, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 9:46 P.M Location: a safehouse for the cartel Objective: Find the key members of the cartel
it had been almost a year since the incident.
ever since Ning died, things had been different. Minjeong had been quieter, and angrier. Everything set her off, she came back covered in blood most of the time. You didn’t want to ask where she’d been— you’d just sit with her, quietly. Sometimes you heard her cry at night.
Giselle had been even more cagey, always out, defensive, on high-alert constantly.
and Karina.. well, you’d been spending a lot of time with Karina. You knew she was bad, you did, but there was something about her. It was just something about her, something that drew you in, and you hated yourself for it.
like right now. You were in her office, again, as she kissed you hungrily, hands gripping your hips in a bruising grasp.
your mind drifted. You reported back to DAS every so often, but you did inform them that you had to be very careful, that your reports would be sporadic. Truthfully, they didn’t event think you’d make it this far, do they were okay with waiting. They seemed to have several informants, anyway.
”y/n,” Karina growled, lowly, sucking and biting harshly at your neck. “You seem distracted. Focus on me, no? You promised you’d help me..” she murmured, almost a pleading sound to her voice. You weren’t stupid, though. Karina didn’t beg, she didn’t plead. This was mocking. You sucked it up, though.
you tried to focus on her, you did, but everything was beginning to get to you. DAS weighed heavily on your mind, and Minjeong’s grief did, too, and Giselle’s odd behavior, her accent, even the way she dressed— she didn’t seem like she was from here. She didn’t seem like she’d been her a long while.
“Y/n,” Karina snapped, annoyed. “Focus, will you? Or maybe you’ll end up like that bastard traitor,” she remarked, acidly, far too much emotion for the situation. Karina had been angrier lately, too. It must be the stress of the betrayal. Surely that’s why— it shook her to her core that there was a rat in her ranks. She had gotten paranoid.
the mention of Ning made you emotional, though. You felt tears prick at your eyes.
she looked down, and let out a laugh. “Oh, I love when you cry, baby,” she grinned, voice rough. “It makes you look so good. But not right now.. maybe in a bit. Stop being such a pussy,” she instructed, to which you nodded shakily.
and like that is how your work went, for a bit.
it wasn’t until late 1988 everything began to change.
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Karina had been busy, lately. A lot of men came to her office, ones you didn't recognize and some you did, vaguely, from other meetings.
Karina had been overtly paranoid about informants— It was a miracle she hadn't discovered you, yet— or maybe she had. Maybe she was just waiting for the right time, playing with you, maybe-
"Y/n!" She called, in a sing-song tone.
You entered her office, quietly.
"I need your help for another job. A big one. If you do this, then it'll officially make you a part of us! Isn't that fantastic, baby?"
Karina had her hands on your hips, the same practiced smile she always wore on her face.
"Yes.. fantastic, it really is," you replied, in a murmur. "But what will I be doing?"
"You know the DAS building, here, in Bogotá? Well, amor, we'll be getting rid of it,"
"rid of it?" You tried to school your expression, but the shock and horror was plainly visible on your face. You felt sick.
"Rid of it. As in, you know— the building. I have a few ways to make sure it stays gone for quite a while. It’ll take nearly a year, I predict, but it’ll get done. You’ll be going to a few meetings with Giselle and me to make sure you can help. Is that okay, y/n?” She asked, in a faux-concerned tone. You both knew she wasn’t asking whether or not you’d do it, you had to. It was a rhetorical question. You would say yes, either way.
“Yes. It’s.. it’s fine,” you murmured.
“Good. Now, you can go. I’m sure there’s something for you to do to make yourself useful around here,”
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MEETING ONE 1988, Medellín, Colombia Local time: 4:52 P.M. Location: a small town up in the mountains; el campo Objective: Find the key members of the cartel.
Driving with Giselle was really not a good time. The songs on the radio were good, though.
the other girl was so frustrated, for some reason.
“Giselle,” you chanced. “I don’t mean to pry, but seriously— why are you so.. stressed?”
“We’re about to blow up Colombia’s national security headquarters, I think anyone would be stressed,”
You eyed her, not quite convinced.
“You know, anytime we carry out a job you’re so on edge,” you commented. she whipped her head around, knuckles turning white as she gripped the steering wheel.
“Are you accusing me of something, y/l/n?”
“No,” you replied, slowly. “Not at all,”
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the meeting took place up in the mountains.
the negotiations were mostly handled by Giselle, but she looked nearly ready to scream.
“We’re paying you what you’ve asked, just give us the supply,” she repeated, voice low.
“I think it’s fair to ask for a little more, linda,”
Giselle was seething. Honestly, these men had rifles, machine guns— you weren’t about to fight them. you took out your pistol.
you pointed it right at the 500kg of dynamite.
“Take the money,” you instructed, eyes wide. You looked crazed, most likely.
they stared at you.
“I said take the FUCKING MONEY! You think I won’t do it? We can add on 130,000 more pesos, but that’s it.”
They agreed.
Giselle was silent, in the car drive. You stared at your hands.
“You would’ve done it,” she murmured.
“I would have,” you agreed, and it came with a sick sense of realization. You would have killed everyone in there, including yourself. You would have done it. Who were you? What had you become?
Giselle laughed, one of the only times you had ever seen her show a positive emotion.
“Oh, God,” she snickered. “You really didn’t think when you signed up for this, huh?” She commented. Your eyes widened, but you schooled them back into place.
no, she couldn’t mean what you thought. She couldn’t.
“Careful, baby,” she hummed. “You don’t wanna become something you can’t come back from,”
well, that’s fucking ominous.
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Your next meeting was scheduled in the following weeks. You felt like Giselle was.. watching you. Her gaze never left you, but whenever you looked back, she was always just staring out a window, or at something on the wall. It was unnerving.
The second meeting went smoothly, but ended late. Giselle was driving once again, smoking.
“Do you have another?” You asked, suddenly, glancing at her against the dark backdrop of the night.
“Another what?” She questioned, looking over at you for only a moment, before focusing on the old, pot-hole filled road again.
“A cigarette. And a light,” you clarified, holding out a hand.
“I have a cigarette,” she confirmed, handing you one. “But no light. Sorry,” she shrugged, seemingly unbothered.
“Oh, fuck off Giselle. Just light it with yours,”
She rolled her eyes. “Why should I? Don’t you have a lighter?”
“I didn’t bring my lighter, I didn’t think I needed it,” you shot back.
She sighed, annoyed, but complying. She kept one hand on the wheel, barely glancing at the road, lit cigarette half in her mouth, being held in place by her hand. You kept your own firmly between your lips, not wanting it to fall.
she pressed the lit end to your own, eyes dark, and you couldn’t help but stare into them.
the end finally caught a spark, lighting up, and you both stared for a second more before breaking away.
You took a long drag, averting your eyes from her gaze, glad the dark of the night would hide your blush.
“Thanks,” you muttered, gazing out into the fields.
“Don’t mention it,”
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MEETING THREE 1988, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 2:31 A.M. Location: Karina’s office Objective: Find the key members of the cartel.
It happened so very late, and you struggled to stay awake. You felt your eyes closing, but Giselle would push you, and you’d spring back up.
Karina was arguing with a man about the price of the job. She was aggravated, he wasn’t taking the accepted offer.
The meeting had started off very casual— she even offered him some of their supply. You didn’t take any, neither did Giselle, but Karina and the man each did a line, snorting it off the table.
You watched the cross that hung from her neck dangle along the table, occasionally tapping the wood. The other man wore one as well, as did Giselle, as did you— you felt just a bit guilty about it. Hopefully, He’d forgive you for your wrongdoings. Hitmen prayed to God and so did drug lords— as did nuns, priests, politicians— all prayed, all believed. At least, most did. They claimed so.
You were shaken from your thoughts by a loud crash. Karina had pushed the man against the wall, yelling, now— “¡Me estás sacando la piedra!”
Giselle never said anything like that. Come to think of it, she cursed under her breath, you weren’t even sure what language it was. you shouldn’t be thinking of Giselle, though, not when this man seemed like he would die. That shook you out of your stationary position.
you jumped up, rushing towards her. “Karina! Karina, let him go!” You demanded, trying to pull her off. Giselle followed suit, prying her off him. Karina was panting, she looked crazed. Blood trickled out of her nose, and you wondered how much of her supply she was doing.
“You don’t understand,” she growled, clutching her desk. “Just take the money,” she began, again, and the man finally nodded. She practically threw the money at him, watching as he scrambled out. She let out a frustrated sound, slamming her hands on the desk.
“Giselle, get out. Y/n. Stay,” she demanded, not turning around.
Giselle hesitated, for a moment, it was barely noticeable.
but she left.
Karina turned to you, and like so many times before— you were truly, deeply scared. And yet..
you fell right back into her, letting her kiss you, use you, until she was fine again.
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1989, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 3:13 A.M. Location: An old, unused road in the mountainside Objective: Find the key members of the cartel.
The meetings happened in quick succession. They took place all throughout the rest of 1988, and into early 1989. It wasn’t until September that things really began to change.
Minjeong was always out. She avoided Karina, and only spoke with Giselle sparsely.
You and Giselle were in the car, currently. The final meeting had just occurred, and the both of you had gotten tired of driving.
you were both just sitting there, with the car off. Giselle spoke, suddenly.
“How do you do it?” She questioned. “How do you put up with her?”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“Karina. I just.. sometimes, she’s too much. Especially lately. She’s paranoid,”
“I don’t know, I just-” you couldn’t say it was because it was your job. You couldn’t say it was because a part of you wanted her. You weren’t sure how to even reply to that. “I just do,”
Giselle seemed like she wanted to say something, but she closed her mouth. It was silent till she spoke again. “I don’t understand you. I mean, you’re like me, but.. you’re just so.. different— naive,”
“I am not naive!” You protested, even though you knew very well you were.
“Yes you are! I know you’re- I-” she wasn’t being very coherent, aggravated, fingers flexing like she was antsy.
“I’m what? What am I? Just spit it out, Giselle! I’m tired of-”
She cut you off, kissing you. You were surprised, for a moment, but quickly reciprocated. Her fingers curled in your hair, pulling you closer. You braced yourself on the dash, trying not to touch the wheel or anything else that could move the car.
“You’re so fucking infuriating,” Giselle muttered, pulling you into the backseat with her. “You just have no idea what’s going on, do you?”
You panted, now slightly confused. “What?”
“Nevermind,” she groaned, pulling you closer once again.
She pulled you onto her lap, and you snaked your hands into her hair, tugging at it, blunt nails scratching at her scalp.
You didn’t really feel bad about it, is what you’d realize later, when you were driving back in silence.
You kind of wanted her to do it again.
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You and Giselle didn’t talk about anything that had happened. Partly because you didn’t want to, and partly because you feared what Karina would do if she found out. The weeks leading up to what you found to be a tragedy were tense. Minjeong was out more often than not, as was Giselle. You couldn’t warn anyone, because Karina had such a close eye on you, lately. She just wouldn’t leave you alone.
December came quicker than you would wish.
It was night when you heard Minjeong speaking to Karina.
“Jimin, you can’t do this,” she murmured, lowly, voice laced with an unseen anger.
“Why are you so tense, Minjeong? I thought you always agreed with me..” she sighed, and you could hear her walking through the thin walls.
“I can’t let you kill so many people, it’s just- it’s insane! You’re being irrational— you’ve snorted half of your own fucking supply!”
“Shut the fuck up,” Karina— Jimin, you’ve learned— spat, and the unmistakable sound of a slap resounded through the warehouse, Karina breathing hard. You heard a struggle, and panting. “I’ll kill you, Minjeong, don’t think I won’t. I’ve kept you around out of pity— and of course, you’ve always been so obedient. Why are you so hellbent on rebelling now?” She whined, in a mocking manner.
“You killed Ningning— how am I supposed to be loyal to someone who kills her own men?” Minjeong replied, voice breathy, as if she couldn’t breathe.
There was silence.
“You’ll learn. Now, leave here. If you argue against me again, I’ll feed you to the wolves,” Jimin growled, and the sound of Minjeong hitting the floor was heard all throughout the warehouse. “Get out of my sight,”
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1989, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 11:13 A.M. Location: a safehouse for the cartel Objective: Find the key members of the cartel.
Karina was, and always will be, a mystery.
you had found out now that Karina’s name was Yu Jimin. You had asked Minjeong, shortly after what happened. You went to sleep, and awoke to the sound of the radio, blaring.
“El edificio del Departamento Administrativo de Seguridad ha sido bombardeado.”
you woke up with a start. You knew it’d happen. But there was a sense of true hatred, in that moment.
you walked out of your room.
you walked into Karina’s office.
“Yu Jimin,”
she whipped around, smile morphing into a frown in seconds.
“How do you know that name?”
“Minjeong,”
She saw the gun in your hand.
“Oh, won’t you put that down?”
You stared at her.
She smiled, then.
“You know, I knew you worked for them,” she began, nonchalantly.
“What?”
all that work, all that secrecy— it meant nothing, in the end? She knew, she always knew?
“I saw you searching for our names. You were just so.. you seemed like you’d work for the government. And then I found that little phone you had! It’s been disconnected for years. They haven’t received a single message,”
You stared, still, dumbfounded. Suddenly, this made it all the worse. She did this, forced you to help— knowing? You raised the pistol.
“Giselle,” Karina called, and the other girl appeared a few seconds later. She stared at the scene in front of her, looking between the two of you.
“Get rid of her for me, will you?” Karina dismissed, shrugging off the threat.
Giselle slowly took out her own gun. She pointed it at you, and yet—
“Yu Jimin, you’re under arrest for drug trafficking, terrorism, murder, smuggling, and-”
“What? What are you talking about?” Her eyes widened, as she shot up to her feet, gripping at her desk.
“My name is Aeri Uchinaga. I work for the FBI-”
“It was you!” She shrieked, nearly mad. “You were the mole? But you- you’ve killed in my name! Won’t you be implicit?”
“I’ll be pardoned by the state, most likely,” she informed.
it all made sense now. The strange accent, the tray she was so tense, constantly— you were a bit proud of yourself for noticing all the off things about her, but now was not the time.
you stared at Karina. You wanted to shoot her.
“She could leave,” you pointed out.
Giselle glanced over at you. “She could,”
you aimed at her leg. Just a bit off from the major artery in the thigh.
a click.
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The aftermath was severe. The building was destroyed, most of your department had dissolved. Minjeong was working with the police, you had found out— although you hadn’t heard from her since the arresting.
you weren’t sure what to do, anymore. You had dedicated so much to this— and it was all for nothing. Essentially, you had failed.
You were currently living with Aeri, actually. You were a valuable witness— you had seen and done things that would hopefully be able to incriminate Karina, more than all the other records there was of her actions.
Aeri wasn’t as mean as she had been. She was actually quite quiet— but not mean. You two spoke about it. A lot had happened, and you both lived through it. You could relate to each other.
it would take time, though.
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1993, Bogotá, Colombia Local time: 11:13 A.M. Location: Washington, D.C. Objective: . . .
It had been 4 years since Yu Jimin had been arrested. She was facing many, many charges— although you tried not to keep up with the news. There was to much going on.
currently, you were with Aeri. You and Aeri had gotten much closer in the following years— how could you not? You spent almost every waking moment together.
Aeri had some work to do, so you were waiting. It was quite simple, really.
You had been offered a position, here— in D.C. You’d work on other jobs, similar to this, but far more investigative. It sounded.. good. You’d like to help people, thats alway’s something you’ve wanted.
You were shaken out of your thoughts by Aeri.
“Hey,” she called, to get your attention. “Let’s go, they’ve got some questions to ask you before you can get hired. You know how government jobs are,” she shrugged, leading you down a winding hallway.
“Yeah,” you replied, your hand in hers. “They kind of suck,”
“They do,” she agreed, with a sigh. “They kind of do,”
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A/N: I HATE HOW THIS CAME OUT 😭😭 it took me so long but it’s done. I kind of just wanted to get it over with. I don’t have much to say, honestly I might delete this. I had a good idea for it but just couldn’t find the words to execute it. sorry </3 expect a better work soon. I’m hoping to finish up some less heavy ideas before returning to my cold war AU. In any case, asks are appreciated, and I’m open to requests! thank you for reading this mess </3 also aeri being endgame is payback for you (aettudae) making her married to a man in honeycomb. that should be ME.
EXTRA: when you read ‘mi amor’ keep in mind I’m imagining to pronounced like one word, so more like ‘mia-mor’. ‘mia’ kind of sounds like ‘mya’. this will make sense to spanish speakers.
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velvetvexations · 1 day ago
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I did not mean to sleep all day. Here all the non-kink asks in my inbox lol.
Does a little dance. People being weird about transmascs on here has messed up my self perception so bad im not actually sure of my own gender anymore, yayyyyy
Fuck that anon, if you're man that rules. Being a man is awesome. You don't need anyone else's opinion to affect who you are, there is no bad gender.
just saw someone acknowledge trans men are often lumped into female spaces due to bioessentialism but then turn around and say that thats proof that trans men arent oppressed. lol.
People act like being let into the Woman Club is the one and only goal of being trans and it's so fucking annoying.
Ngl I still don't understand why femboys are a "transmisogynistic caricature that can't be reclaimed by transmascs" according to some people. Do you have any insights on this because I genuinely can't understand, femboy sounds like gnc boy culture and in my own experience, maybe transfems before they come out occasionally identify as femboys. Idk is it like, someone with an outwardly feminine appearance being a guy? Because that's why I like calling myself a femboy.
Some people think femboy started as a transfem thing because they're idiots who don't know shit.
hey if catboy is ubiquitous and having nothing to do with crossdressing why did Jerma crossdress when someone drew him as a catboy???
Because catboys are allowed to do that lol. Taking one example of a crossdressing catboy to mean catboys infringe on transfem copyright is wild.
Hi thanks for letting me vent to you cause I am at work and can't properly process my emtions otherwise rn. I've been otherwise generally in a slightly emotionally fragile place and then I just got an awful review for my first actual order from a stranger on Etsy. And like I know logically that it's not the end of the world and I gave them exactly what they ordered and it's not my fault that they measured wrong or didn't take my advice and size up a little for fit etc etc but no one else will know that and I just got started selling craft stuff and it's just a hobby and it sucks that this person clearly expected something that wasn't what they paid for (my prices are low cause it's a hobby sorry I don't have super professional materials that would make my stuff cost double) but it's really fucking me up and I am trying not to like cry at work because of this and it's so stupid. This was just my first purchase online that wasn't from a friend and I was so excited and they hated it and didn't even send a message or anything about the length (that was exactly what they asked for by the way) not fitting before leaving a review. It just fucking sucks and I wish my brain didn't react to the most minor disappointments/shows of dislike with the I'm going to kill everyone in this room and then myself meme as first response Thanks for listening. It really helps to be able to vent this somewhere <3
I'm really sorry anon, that sounds so frustrating and hard to deal with. I love you so much. <3 I know you do great work and I hope it goes better next time.
Having NPD sucks, lmao, sorry for the rant ahead. I have to remind myself that the 'mark' on shinigami eyes doesn't actually mean anything, but it's hard sometimes because it's still a stain on my reputation. :( some people will see that and take it at face value, forever associating me with the filth that is transphobia, and I can't do anything about it. I appreciate the people who actually know what a transphobe is going out of their way to remove that mark, but it's a losing battle against a bunch of buffoons who think catgirls are transmisogynistic. sometimes it's really hard to pretend that it doesn't bother me at all, because it's highly insulting for me to be associated with the things I literally fight against. What an insult to my legacy and efforts to even bother to care about other people, you know? I don't HAVE to take time out of my day to do activism, I could just not bother to care at all, but I still try. I deserve praise, not this bullshit😭
I'll praise you! Thank you for fighting against transphobia. <3
All this catboy talk. Wanted to say hi as a catboy. Meow :3
Nya~!
My prediction for TRF discourse in 2025: closeted, non passing trans men shouldn't wear skirts or other traditional women's clothing (even if they don't want to and literally have no other choice) because they're MEN and men wearing women's clothes is obviously always transmisogynistic
All trans men are transmisogynistic because they grew up mocking transfems by wearing women's clothes.
some of this discourse is just so fucking wild i cant believe this is something people are taking so seriously. sipping my tea from the sidelines as a chubby catboy therian lmao
You have a cooler head than I.
iirc the "catgirls are transfem" thing started happening around the time Ferris got popular as a character because, if I'm correct, Ferris actually is transfem (coded?) and following that some people just decided The Aesthetique belonged exclusively to transfems now (also you're so so so so based for loving Schrödinger I remember first seeing him in like 2007 and wishing I looked exactly like him)
Schrodinger is my secret fifth blorbo. I'm obsessed with him. I think about him constantly. High five.
als catboys are only white passing in the way that people love to say anime characters are white lmao (aka cant conceive of the fact that anime characters are actually light skinned Japanese). not to say anime doesn't have a colorism problem but They Are Not White and its racist to say otherwise
lol yes exactly
I might be really stepping in it here, but tangential to catboy/catgirl discourse, I'm starting to get really uncomfortable with how the cutesy moe-blob yuri is treated as "trans lesbian culture" these days? as though none of it was ever straight guy fantasy shit? as though it's ideal representation instead of another vector of impossible beauty standards? idk, maybe I'm just being way too touchy. 😬
It's fine if something becomes emblematic of transfem culture but you just can't pretend something was always transfem when it blatantly wasn't lol
you got marked red on shinigami eyes and i havev no idea why
My smoke too tough, my swag too different, my bitch too bad.
juggalo here. we don't want them.
Devastating.
For what it's worth, the "cats transforming into people" thing is probably based on the bakeneko, yeah. The "bake" in "bakeneko" means "transforming", often with the implication of transforming into people (like the better known bakedanuki and bakegitsune). The popularization of cat-people in anime probably came from Neko-Musume from Gegege no Kitaro (the anime behind the "youkai boom" in modern Japanese culture), who is a half-bakeneko.
Fascinating.
(Dif anon) "leading one to wonder what transphobia they think trans men do face" 99.999% sure at this point we're at "trans men experience misgendering... maybe...?"
Well that doesn't count since everyone wants to be a girl, an idea that I believe has universal appeal because I'm a self-centered moron.
You're awesome <3
Thank you anon. <3
I didn't realize I was trans from yaoi but I did largely realize it from memes about traps and accidentally stumbling across largely transfem subreddits via a anime memes despite being transmasc so. Great amount of respect for our yaoi soldiers.
Hell yeah!
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lawofangie · 2 days ago
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I need some advice
Our 3D is just a reflection of our assumption and I have proven it to myself and have seen few evidence of it too like I yesterday manifested brownies
But I couldn't manifest being in void from past 3 months almost and this is frustrating me a lot now I don't know why but I am like yeah I will be in void but whenever I assume that I am going to get in it on this day or like that I just couldn't belive myself that it is happening or will happen and I just need some genuine advice
I ha,ve manifested shit even after reacting to 3D in 4 days but this is getting on my nerves and I need some advice
By The way read your story and it is inspiring and the things happen to you were not what you deserved but am happy for you still
Bye
i've never understood why you guys care so much about that stupid void stuff. it's not the end all be all of manifestation, it's just a fucking method, like affirming, visualizing, scripting, SATS, etc. it means nothing. i truly do not understand the craze, the hype, watching people post about it and people try their hardest to get in such a state feels like watching the blind lead the blind.
if the void state isn't working for you, then just give up? no method has more significance than another, no matter what you do, the end goal is assuming you have something and it materializing. what does the void state have to do with any of that? why do you care so much?
what does the void state have to do with you achieving your dream body, your sp, money, clear skin, your dream house, dream job, what does the void state itself have to do with any of that? what is the law of assumption even about? do you even remember at this point?
the reason why you can't get into that void thing is because manifesting is about assuming, which is believing something to be true before seeing it with your own eyes (which is similar to a prediction). if you wait expectantly for something to happen, you aren't making an assumption. plain and simple. waiting for something to happen every night for 3 months defeats the purpose of making an assumption.. because waiting for something to be true, again, isn't assuming. you're supposed to already decide that it is.
i really don't know how else to put it. it just gets to a point where you guys don't even understand what you're doing anymore. if a method (a way of doing something) isn't working for you, then simply try something else? i honestly don't understand why this thought hasn't crossed your mind on your own.
in any other context, would this make any sense? you keep doing something that obviously isn't working for you until it somehow works for you, even though you already know it doesn't or it's taking too long? wouldn't it make more sense to just find another way?
this is the issue. you guys put this thing on a pedestal as if it means something, when just like any other method, it's just a way of doing something. that's all a method is, a way of doing something in order to achieve something. the purpose of using a method is to help you achieve something. so i truly don't understand why you've been trying and failing to use a method for 3 entire months. what significance does the void state truly have to occupy so much of your time? how is this more special than any other method?
and once you reach the void, what then? is it really worth stressing yourself out every night when people are literally manifesting their desires overnight by simply deciding they have them? while you've been waiting for a stupid method to work for you for the past 3 months? you are TRULY wasting your time.
you clearly are already understanding the law and proving it to yourself, so why not just keep doing that? if you've already found what works, then why are you changing? i don't get it. what do you gain in the end?
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septimusmoonlight · 2 months ago
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You doing ok?
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hi
#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things#work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly#because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job#now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week#so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear#but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much#because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this#but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around#she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes#so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time#so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time#and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day#but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals#as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations#it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off#like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job#...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi#i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay#im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work#...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real#asks#not sexy#anonymous
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the-oracle-of-the-lost · 1 month ago
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tbh Gallifrey is an insane series given how much stuff happens in it in 50 episodes. like the original run of the show (series 1-3) was 14 episodes and in it we cover several coups, a gay vacation bodyswap episode, a whole zombie plague, Nazi time travel episode, time loop episode, an evil ghost possessing the main character and stealing her past body, the premiere spy network collapsing because one guy committed identity fraud and abandoned his wife, and an entire Civil War. and this is just the stuff that happens before series 4.
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lemongogo · 1 month ago
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college … wasted on the youth (me)
#didnt help that 2/4 yrs was covid telezoom but man.. MANNN#forgetting how impossible it is to pursue rhe degree plan u actually want (advising hell) i feel like . theres just#so many diff things i want to learn now Knowing that im more solidified in my interests and who i am and what i would be interested in doing#and like.😭RGAAAAAQH TEARING MYHAIR OUTTT every other week i have a night where im sititng there like damn i couldve been sm1 completely dif#dgmw i still rly enjoy some of the upper div classes i Did take but what if i took x and liked it more or minored in y and it led me to z#bc i do feel rly set in where i am rn which . i DO ! like it but im never gna be in that environment where u have the flexibility to explore#ykwim . i wish i had taken physics and calc srsly . i always thought i hated that shit but i like it. i like it quite a lot actually😟#or more geology .. urrghh.. sprinkle in sme extra art history . no bc thats what actu pissed me off ab school#i rmbr wanting to dual major and they straight up told me no i cant . but then i was like maybe an arts major bio minor when i wanted to do#science illustration but sry we dont offer bio minor . ok bio major arh or studio art minor . no sry not enough open spots we rly only#reserve it for when we have extra openings post admission❤️#and then even late into sophomore year u would still be last in registration so all the cool classes would be closed#and then bc of covid half that shit was cancelled bc they couldnt transfer labs online (rip comparative vertebrate anatomy)#and then by senior yr an additional collection of classes were unavailable bc u dont have the prereqs bc the prereqs were cancelled during#covid and u dont have enough semesters left to actually take it . like it was gen such an awful experience so ik why i couldnt ever do what#i wanted but .😭 AND LIKE the classes i DID enjoy like genomics or molecular genetics were closed by registration and i had to email and beg#for access . thts crazy .literally crazy .#anyways . i think i want 2 start reading textbooks bc i think thats the closest ill get LMAOO#i remember seeing my coworker read a textbook for fun one time and idk why i just didnt understand why bc it seemed so dry but i Get it now#like yeah .. u knew what was up ..#sad too that like . i could theoretically audit a course but i Work..during the day .. so sad . so sad#guys wht if i just said yes to grad school (<the devil talking.dont agree)
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musette22 · 1 month ago
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I guess now people will stop accusing Sebastian that he played T****p because he loves him so much. But, on the other hand, knowing people...
I'm sorry, what? I know I shouldn't be surprised but... You're seriously telling me that there are people out there who thought he loves trump? We're talking about Sebastian, who is an immigrant, who is very vocal about his love for strong women and his support of women in general, who regularly works with charities, stands for equal rights and has literally said before that he thinks Trump is shit, and who, let's not forget, is an ACTOR who is playing a part in a MOVIE, which is very clearly critical of trump and everything he stands for? I mean??? What is wrong with people. The man is just doing his job, honestly. Also this is exactly the kind of thing he talks about when he mentions entitled "fans" who think they know him and can demand things of him smh
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beef-brisket · 10 minutes ago
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Levi: Alright. Those are very valid concerns and issues, Adam. Relationships need work from both parties. It's not only damaging to your relationship with each other, but also with your daughter.
Lucifer listened. She's only six months old, how much damage could he really do?
Levi: Now, Lucifer. Why sex?
Lucifer blinked, not understanding the question.
Lucifer: Uh... why sex? I mean... look at him.
Lucifer didn't know what else to say. But he knew it wasn't a good answer when Adam rolled his eyes.
Levi glanced at Adam, then back at Lucifer, her hand, and he gave hardening.
Levi: What do you mean by that?
Lucifer: ...He's the first man. He's literally perfection. Who wouldn't want a night with him?
Levi: So... let me get this straight. You value the sex you have with Adam, the first man, over the marriage you have with Adam, the father or your child?
Lucifer tensed: ...That's not what I meant.
Levi: What did you mean, then?
Lucifer: I-I mean... he's amazing. I love him, why wouldn't I want sex with him? And I don't see a difference between Adam and the first man- he's both. Their both perfect and important to me- it's the same person! Adam IS Adam!
Lucifer chuckles and leans back, he smiles at Adam but it drops when he's not even looking at him.
Levi hums and writes a quick note: Lucifer. I'm sure you of all people know what kind of weight titles have. Do you think there's a difference between the king of Hell and Lucifer?
Lucifer: ...I mean... I'm Lucifer... who's also the king of Hell. Is... is there a difference?
Levi: Do you always feel like the king of Hell?
Lucifer: No. Sometimes... I feel empty and cold. Then, when I'm doing work, I feel stressed and fake.
Levi: Fake?
Lucifer: Like it's an act. I'm not put together or even slightly functioning. I'm just... a mess most of the time. I've never felt like a king. Not for thousands of years. I feel like a fraud. A lie. I demand respect, but I don't deserve it. There's no difference between the king of Hell and Lucifer. Their both pathetic. Both a lie.
Lucifer shrugs: I gave up trying to change that. There's no point.
Levi: There is a point. Your daughter. Both of them.
Lucifer froze and glanced to Adam. He was now looking at him, he looked sad but desperate.
Lucifer: I...
Levi: It's not just you, Lucifer. It's never been just you. Charlie is over two hundred years old, but she still needs you. Does she deserve the best version of you?
Lucifer nodded, looking at Levi: Yeah, she does.
Levi: Does Avery deserve you at your best?
Lucifer: Yes. Yes she does.
Levi: Does Adam? Not, Adam, the first man. But Adam. Your husband. The father of your child.
Lucifer: looked at Adam: Yes, he does.
Levi: Then. It sounds like the king of Hell and Lucifer needs to change. For the better. And it's not just them you need to better yourself for.
Lucifer turned to Levi. He really hopes this isn't another pregnancy announcement.
Levi: You deserve it, too. Probably more than anyone.
That was even worse than a pregnancy announcement.
Lucifer: I... what? I don't... I've done... I deserve nothing. I don't even deserve Adam or Avery! Fuck- I don't deserve Charlie!
Levi: ...you deserve love, Lucifer. And compassion and devotion. Both of you do. But Lucifer. You can't change for them, if you don't change for you, first.
Lucifer glared: T-Then I might as well just throw everything away! Because I've done some horrible shit, Lizzy! Hell torments me every damn day! I deserve it! I can't change! How can I!? I deserve no happiness or love! I'm the Devil! The most hated fucking being in existence! Adam even said so!
Adam: Fuck you, Lucifer- that was years ago! Don't you think my opinion of you has changed!?
Lucifer glared at him: Obviously not, if we're here.
Levi: Lucifer. You're attacking him. And yourself. Enough.
Lucifer looked away. He was beyond annoyed and confused.
Levi: You have a lot of work, Lucifer. Not just kingly duties, but personal ones. I'm going to book you in for personal counseling.
Lucifer raised an eyebrow and eyed her: I'm doing personal counseling-.
Adam: Counseling from someone that's not your daughter, dumbass.
Levi: Adam, please. No name calling in my office. I know you're mad. But please try and keep it civil.
Adam rolled his eyes and looked away.
Lucifer: I... don't need counseling-.
Levi: That's what everyone that needs counseling says. Stay behind after this session, so I can organize it for you.
Lucifer felt that there was no way to fight this, so he nods.
When Lucifer and Adam exited Dr Levi's office, they waited for her in the lobby.
Lucifer: ...Great session, huh? I sure learned a lot! It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!
Lucifer laughed awkwardly after a few seconds of Adam not speaking. Eventually, Levi walked out and got the payment ready. Lucifer watched as Adam paid and headed for the door.
Lucifer: I'll be there in a second, dove! Don't leave without me, haha!
Lucifer organized a few personal sessions, and Levi did a few for Adam to. She handed him three cards with their individual and group session dates.
He thanked her and walked outside. He looked around, and his heart dropped when he saw Adam had left.
Separation Trial
@beef-brisket @things-arent-what-they-seem66
Adam tapped his fingers against the table in a distracted manner. He had been there at the restaurant for a while now. Waiting for his...waiting for Lucifer. He needed to talk with Lucifer, he wanted to talk to him at home about it, in private. However, when he asked about meeting him, Lucifer simply nodded his head and said they could meet at this restaurant.
He didn't even take Adam’s idea at eating at home into consideration. Although the place Adam sat currently was upscale and nice it wasn’t what he wanted to do. This wasn’t where he wanted to have…the conversation. He sighed to himself as he saw Lucifer approach. He barely even said hello before Lucifer kissed him on the cheek before seating himself.
Lucifer: Hello my dearest, what’s going on? Why’d you want to talk at a restaurant? You know we could have talked over the phone. You made it sound so urgent.
Adam took a moment to keep his anger in check. Once again Lucifer wasn’t listening.
Adam: What I wanted to talk to you about couldn’t be said over the phone. It had to be in person. Lucifer we have been married for three whole years now.
Lucifer: Yeah I know, last week was our anniversary. Don’t you remember Addie?
Adam felt his breath hitch and he struggled to not cry then and there. Their third anniversary had been a disaster, he didn’t want to go into it. But Adam had would forever hate that day. It was what made him bring this meeting with Lucifer.
Adam: I do remember, and so should you.
Lucifer: But I literally just said that I
Adam: No, I’m talking about what happened that day. Can you please tell me what happened?
Lucifer was nervous at his husband’s harsh tone but answered him.
Lucifer: Well, I do remember that both of us were so busy, I with handling a fortis problem, then Charlie called and she needed some help with the hotel, and I didn’t get back till late at night. Oh and you had that concert of yours, by the way how was it? I don’t think I asked before.
Adam felt his eye twitch.
Adam: It was not JUST a concert Lucifer.
Lucifer: …Did something happen at the concert?
Adam: More like what didn’t happen.
Lucifer: Did no one applaud you? Were they booing you? Honey don’t worry your a great singer, you’ll bounce back.
Adam: No, there were no applause nor cheers. Because my audience wasn’t there.
Lucifer: Oh, Adam I’m so sorry.
Adam: You weren’t there Lucifer.
Lucifer: What?
Adam: You were not at my concert Lucifer, You were supposed to be there. Because you were meant to be my audience. Because that concert was going to be dedicated to you! It was supposed to be my wedding anniversary present to you!
Lucifer: But, but, but it’s not my fault if you don’t tell me in advance!
Adam: Lucifer I told you weeks prior about it. And you always said that you’d be there. But of course you lied.
Lucifer: I didn’t lie! Shit came up Adam this isn’t my fault. If anything you should have told me before I left that day! On top of that what did you expect me to do? Not do my duty as king. Tell the goetia to handle it themselves!? Say no to my own daughter, your own daughter, I shouldn’t have helped her at all?! Geez you can be selfish sometimes.
Adam’s eyes widened at that statement. He was shocked to his seat still. Then slowly he nodded his head in understanding. He was an idiot for ever even considering giving Lucifer a second chance. Taking a deep breath, Adam looked directly into Lucifer’s yellow, red eyes and said,
Adam: Lucifer, I want a divorce
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mushroomjar · 5 months ago
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I don't like the way you guys talk about Palestinians asking for donations. I don't like it.
I had to see someone make MULTIPLE posts bitching and moaning about how people need to stop sending them asks asking for them to reblog their donation posts, that they'd just be blocking them from now on, and that they didn't care if they were vetted because they still found the act of sending asks to get reblogs on their donation links suspicious, even if they were in a dire situation. They even went as far as to say that they got an ask, deleted it, and then they got another ask from the same person, and accused the person of sending another ask to purposefully "get under their skin"
I don't know man, have you considered that being a victim of ongoing genocide will make you ask for help in whatever way you can? And sometimes that involves sending random blogs asks to see if they can donate or at the very least share your donation links? A Palestinian reaches out to you multiple times because they need help and your response is to whine about getting donation links in your inbox? I wish I had your problems
Also the thing about "getting the exact same ask from the exact same blog multiple times"... uh, duh? First of all, they're probably reaching out to dozens of blogs daily, do you think they're gonna type up a new paragraph for each blog they reach out to? Second of all, maybe they reached out to you multiple times because a. They really really really need the help and b. What, do you think they're gonna see your URL/blog and be like "oh! I already reached out to this blog, I'm not gonna send them another ask"? Or do you think they'll be like "this person has been reblogging other people's donation posts, maybe they'll reblog mine too"?
Like I understand being suspicious about getting sent donation links to your inbox, but literally all you have to do is check if the blog's been vetted by other bloggers? It's as easy as searching for their URL on tumblr sometimes, it literally takes less than a minute or two. And that's what bothers you? That's what you're complaining about? Find a real problem!!!
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a-bucket-in-the-void · 27 days ago
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fuck, brain turned off
noooo brain i neeed you!!
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leverage-ot3 · 6 months ago
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sorry to keep personal posting but my day fucking SUCKED and ended with me dropping one of my brand new earrings from a set that I just finished cleaning down the drain, took the sink apart and still couldn’t find it 🙃
if y’all feel like asking a leverage/misc question for thoughts or headcanons I’d love to answer them in the morning! or even if you just want to say something about your day- I just like hearing from you guys 💖
#or ask me abt my lockwood & co hyperfixation/chat w me about the show#and how I have been egged on my a moot to pursue my cot3 hunger games au (I have never finished a longfic)#(was bored at lunch break and wrote a portion of the berry scene 👀)#boss still owes me more than 2.5k and has been gaslighting me and continues to emotionally manipulate me and my coworkers#and cause serious shit that triggers clients in a THERAPY CLINIC#and has started second guessing my work by asking other employees if my input is ‘accurate’#which caused a flare up in my skin picking AND latent SI#ugh sorry for rambling yall I just need to write this out yk#I need a fucking sugar mommy or something 😭😭😭 I need to get out of this mentally/financially abusive job#not leverage#ask me things#jackie talks#about me#mine#this is the worst place I’ve worked which doesn’t necessarily say too much because I haven’t had many jobs#but one of my former bosses was a [redacted school shooting] denier when we were literally 20 min away from where it happened#which still boils my blood to this day LIKE WDYM YOU THIBK THE GOVERNMENT PAID OFF PARENTS AS A PART OF A CONSPIRACY TO INFLUENCE GUNCONTROL#she would tell a new hire ‘J doesn’t like conspiracy theories’#NO [redacted] I CAN DISCUSS THEM FOR FUN IN CONVERSATIONS BUT URS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS#EAT A DICK#hmmm I wonder if I still have anger about that lol#ANYWAYS I finally got my intake after waiting 8mo for the clinic I needed to get in and will be starting therapy in a few weeks#🫡🫡🫡
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peppy-jester · 2 days ago
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The thing is Fizz never came back to the bedroom that evening. Even he could read the room plus all the hinting about Queives breathing in some glitter particles it was painfully obvious Fizz's place for the night was his own room. That would have been the case if the Queives weren't aware of the shit he caused for the day. After the long shower Fizz made his way to his room, which was now more of Queives living space. Munchkin and the others made it clear even they were mad at the jester for pulling the idiotic prank on Oz. But lucky for Fizz there was always at least one Queef who would stay on his side no matter what and of course it would be Precious of all the queives. So this means it was sofa time for these two.
The night went.. well it went pass slowly. During lots of talking to his queef lots of talking, crying and of course planning. He needed to do something to make this all right, at least push things go on right direction. Maybe in time everything would be the same as it used to, right?
It was early hours of the morning, like said the night went pass slowly. Fizz already had send few texts to the sin of Greed since he knew the jester king would be awake already, if even sleeping himself at all. Fizz let the king know he had some important things to talk with him and would be there as soon as possible. With that Fizz changed out of his pajamas into more casual clothing, quick makeup he wouldn't wanna go around and look like an ugly troll. Last but certainly not least he dug out a carrier bag for Precious, of course he wouldn't leave his special queef behind.. who knows if Munchkin and the other would roughen her up for not taking Oz's side. Before making his leave Fizz stopped at the bedroom door with a sad frown on his face. He could only hope Oz managed to sleep at least.
The trip to Greed went well, at this hour not too many people were up and it was easy for Fizz to just go around unnoticed. Sure he kept an eye on his surroundings all the time just in case some nutcase tries to attack on him. Finally getting to his destination where Fizz was gonna spend most of the day. Literally first arguing with the sin of Greed, not for what happened... Fizz was not blaming any of that shit on Mammon, but... fighting for a few days off from rehearsals and such. It was. . . a struggle and usually Fizz would never go against Mammon on this but this was important. So important for him to start building the bridges he managed burn down almost completely yesterday. The rest of the day he was there just being sad, changing few words with Mam which is something he really shouldn't do. Only leaving him feel more sick in his stomach. Aside of all this Fizz did make calls, lots of calls to arrange few things like day offs and have some people to cover shifts, making some reservations. If the jester wasn't already feeling all tired during the morning all this did make him bit light headed but he had to go on, for the better future!
Last but not least Fizz started to type a message for the trio and Oz. Typing, erasing and re-typing the message few times. He would hae wanted to type a fun joke but Mammon did say it was better to lay off from any jokes or pranks for now. The message; "Hey! Hope you guys are feeling a bit better. There's something very important I need to share with you all. Meet me at the new Café, Vibe & Sip, in Pride at 4 pm. See you guys there~" with some added smiling emotes at the end.
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"Hope this works" Fizz said before putting his phone away with a sigh. Now to just arrange few last things before he can 'relax' a moment and wait for 4 pm to arrive.
"Yes you didn't, you pulled unwilling paticiapants into your cruel joke via manipulation and lies. Again Fizzarolli you made it an argument, and I expect you to apologize to him like the others, understood?" You could really tell Ozz was not really in the mood for games, using the Jester's full name and talking seriously, not putting on any of his suave charm currently.
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"Yes Im sure, I don't need to worry about them getting sick from the vapors or eating the glitter, but at least you see when to stop, late but what can you do." He was bitter, he was hurt, and he wasn't hiding that fact.
Simply saying "Thank you..." at the last words before laying down and burying his face in the pillows, his tail feathers curling around him and his body still noticeably tense as he tried to relax.
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shannonsketches · 6 months ago
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like why did they change where Vegeta was when Cell announced the cell games in the anime
why did they make this vegeta starting shit with yamcha instead of chillin in the lab with his family? why did they take Bulma out of the lab? Why'd they say she was Out while Dr Brief was repairing 16? Why did they change Bulma working on advanced robotics to running in late with her baby?
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it's the same scene except: - Bulma's actively at work being a scientist - Vegeta's not being rude to her (or anyone else!) - Vegeta waits for Trunks instead of leaving the room - Cell interrupted the airwaves, which means Trunks and Vegeta were just hanging out with Bulma and Dr B while they were working
Those are all Great Character Details!! That the anime rails against!!
#these cowards afraid of showing Vegeta actively choosing to be around his wife and child even when he's Bad#Because Goku who is Good never ever even once makes that choice onscreen outside of filler#and then they justify that choice by making Chi-Chi seem horrid and unreasonable for (checks notes) Not Wanting Her Child to Die#anyway I am once again being bitter about anime vs manga klasjdklasd#I can't believe I let the anime convince me I hated Goku man Goku's SUCH a good and ridiculous character in the manga#the anime just SUCKS at letting him be who he's always been#and has to reframe and recontextualize and reword everything he does so that it seems like he's Actually Quite Mature and Thoughtful nO#THAT's VEGETA YOU COWARDS#also the fact that bulma said she wouldn't live with him at the beginning of this arc to him casually hanging out with her and trunks#after cell beat his ass and humbled him is REALLY GOOD SUBTEXT for their shared relationship having improved without showing it#it's great subtext for all three of them and toei just went 'nah' and decided to make it a whole group shot so ...? Master Roshi could sit#and explain how ??? Tournaments Work??? Just so Cell could log on and also explain how tournaments work?? God it's been so long#since I've watched the anime and now when I do it just makes me mad aklsdjskja the manga is SOOOOO much better#there are some spots where the pacing is more ideal in the anime like goku turning ssj for the first time but like man. everything else is.#like why are you making Goku snarky with Vegeta dude his clapbacks are SO much funnier when they're just Tactless Honesty#like Vegeta's not insulted by Snark bitch he grew up in the Freeza force that man was raised by THE bitchiest drag queens#Vegeta's insulted by someone saying something deeply and insultingly True to his face as if it's the fucking weather#Goku in the anime is like 'a battle of wits hoho' but Goku's purity is part of the joke he's not snippy he's just got no social etiquette#He's just honest! He's not trying to be insulting. That's what MAKES it insulting! That's the WHOLE GAG of why Vegeta can't stand him#Goku is always just telling the truth and it's always the rudest shit Vegeta's ever heard in his life#'it's a sunny day! i'm way stronger than you! see you out there bud!' 10000% Genuinely Friendly. Golden Retriever-Ass Pure.#Infuriating. Hilarious.#anyway I looked at anime clips to make sure I remembered things right and that was a mistake#as someone who has a soft spot for it and grew up on it -- compared to the manga it's bad and it's always been bad#and toriyama was right to be disinterested in watching it jesus christ they BUTCHERED his work#anyway this has been another shot of haterade with sketches thank you for scrolling my rambletags askljdask#dbtag#i just truly can't get over how they make Vegeta call her 'woman' in the anime and he literally only ever calls her Bulma in the manga#except for on namek when he refers to her as 'the/that woman' because she is a complete stranger#why is he calling her woman like he's a 1940s american husband and not an extraterrestrial from a deeply advanced society toei
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