#this is like. super vaguely inspired by the post i made earlier about awakenings and taking a nap. idk idk

[asmolbirb]

“Did you know,” Laurence muses, once they’ve retired to the library, and the port has been poured, and they’re both poring over their respective correspondence, which they might focus on wholly were the conversation to dwindle, as it often does in the ease of these evenings. “—Did you know, today marks half a century—since my birth.”

Tharkay’s gaze flickers up; returns to the letter in his hands.

“I find myself reflecting,” continues Laurence, his eyes trained on the parchment in his own grasp, though the ink upon it refuses to coalesce into words, “that I have spent longer as an aviator than as a man of the navy.”

“In a sense only,” rebukes Tharkay, albeit mildly. “The Aerial Corps has had no claim to you for quite some time; nor has Temeraire answered to any formation, or the whims of any but himself. Notwithstanding, perhaps—“ this, an afterthought— “those whims of Parliament, mercurial as they are.”

Laurence hums, distracted. His next words have to fight through a sudden reluctance: “It would gall the child I once was, to know who I’d become.” And then, in a rush, “Yet I cannot regret it. Any of it: for in turn I gained a clarity of understanding that would have been inaccessible to me otherwise.”

Tharkay says nothing, only waits for Laurence to continue, and to reach the core of the thing he’s grappling with.

“I find myself facing another score and some years stretching out ahead of me,” Laurence says finally, “and the inevitability of some new revelation which must await, poised to cleave my understanding of the world in twain once more. I rather fear I could not bear it. I fear I am grown too old, too accustomed to my daily rituals and comforts, to again perform that reconstruction of my paradigm of reality which I undertook upon meeting Temeraire, and upon meeting you.”

Again Tharkay meets these words with silence; but when it becomes clear no more is forthcoming, he says gently, “I can well imagine how the myriad affronts to your morals which you faced in the War have embittered you toward complacency. Yet I am of the belief that predicting, even with utmost accuracy, the shape of tomorrow will not in the least stop it from coming.” He sets his correspondence aside and stretches a hand out to Laurence. “Come, Will,” he murmurs. “It is late, and the world has a tendency to cloak itself in sinister shadows at this hour. Let us retire; let any new revelations meet us in the light of day, where they may be thoroughly examined— where we may formulate an adequate response together.”

For a moment, Laurence’s instincts scream in protest: a lifetime of being relied upon to meet any obstacle with confidence and immediacy is not so easily sloughed off the shoulders. But Tharkay is right. The challenges of tomorrow will demand to be met whether or not Laurence successfully anticipates them tonight; and meanwhile, Tharkay’s hand stretches out before him, more tangible than any of the years he has yet to live, any obstacle he is yet to encounter. With a sharp exhale, Laurence stands, and places his hand in Tharkay’s, and lets Tharkay pull him to bed.

[makeste]

BnHA 323: “I Don’t Know How to Explain to You That You Should Care About Other People”

Previously on BnHA: Kacchan was all, “Izuku, I’m sorry.” Bakugou Stans were all, “[sobs for a week straight and tearfully awards him the Nobel Prize for character development].” Deku was all, “[faints in Kacchan’s arms].” Iida was all, “[trying to decide if Ochako genuinely tried to kill him a few minutes ago].” Horikoshi was all, “NO TIME FOR HUGS WE MUST GET BACK TO UA.” The civilians holed up at U.A. were all, “WE TOOK A VOTE AND DECIDED THAT WE’RE ALL GOING TO BE JERKS ABOUT THIS AND MAKE A BIG FUSS ABOUT YOU LETTING DEKU BACK INTO THE SCHOOL.” Deku was all “[stands there looking like he expected nothing less and breaking my heart more and more with each passing moment].” Ochako was all, “that does it, looks like I’m gonna have to do something about this... next chapter, that is.”

Today on BnHA: Flashback!Rat Principal is all “I just want you all to know that I spent nine million dollars turning U.A. into a giant Battleship-style grid that can burrow underground and zoom around in a giant subway maze because Horikoshi lacks a grounded understanding of both civil engineering and economics.” Back in the present day, Jeanist is all, “EVERYONE TAKE HEED, MY COMRADES AND I HAVE DEEMED IT EXPEDIENT TO CONVEY THIS AUSPICIOUS YOUTH BACK TO THIS STRONGHOLD. WE ANTICIPATE THAT WE MAY DEPEND UPON YOUR GOODWILL AND ACQUIESCENCE TO THESE TERMS.” The civilians were all, “NO.” Ochako was all, “EMPATHY, MOTHERFUCKERS, DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” The civilians were all, “oh shit.” Anyway so Ochako is a giant badass, but I’m a little worried that she’s going to get struck by lightning. Please come down from there.

so before we start this chapter, I would just like to apologize for having not posted the ch 321 recap yet, and would like to reassure everyone, and especially Iida who is staring at me with Sad Wobbly Guilt Trip Eyes, that I will get to that as soon as I can

OMG FLASHBACK??

yes please Horikoshi please show us more of class 1-A and their Deku intervention strategy jam sessions

oh dear

Iida you are too pure and good for this cruel world. [sprays the U.A. civilians with a water bottle] NO. BAD CIVILIANS! NO OSTRACIZING SCARED AND EXHAUSTED CHILDREN IN THE HOUSE

EXCUSE ME RAT PRINCIPAL WHAT’S WITH THESE MIXED MESSAGES

???

RAT PRINCIPAL: he’s free to return to us at any time!!

ALSO RAT PRINCIPAL: but it’s too risky for him to return to us

?? ??????? ?????????????????????

so now he’s going on about how strong the U.A. Barrier is, and how it’s comparable to the defensive capabilities of Tartarus. this would have sounded a lot more impressive before chapter 297 lol

OH!!!! HELLO, WHAT’S THIS!!!

A TIMELY CALLBACK TO A CERTAIN MYSTERIOUS EVENT WHICH HASN’T BEEN REFERENCED SINCE USJ? [U.A. TRAITOR MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

so now Rat Principal says he upgraded U.A.’s security systems with his own “modifications”, whatever the fuck that means. I mean look, I’ve been saying for a long time now that U.A. is the best place for everyone to hole up, don’t get me wrong. but that was mostly on account of there not being any other practical alternatives. but you’re making it sound like you figured out a way to actually make it Decay-proof or some wild shit like that

-- hold up, DID YOU ADD A FORCE FIELD. DID YOU TRICK THIS SCHOOL OUT WAKANDA-STYLE YOU CRAZY MARSUPIAL. HOLY SHIT. because that would actually be perfect

LMAO

WHAT KIND OF GALAXY BRAIN BULLSHIT. “NAH THERE’S NO NEED FOR A FORCE FIELD, LET’S JUST PUT WHEELS ON IT”

oh okay so the whole campus is basically capable of burrowing itself underground. that’s insane lol I wonder how they pulled that off. probably got poor Cementoss working overtime

blah blah blah so basically the entire campus is split into a grid and each section of the grid is capable of its own independent movement. lol this is just the Merone Base from KHR. you thought no one would notice this casual plagiarism ten years after the fact, but YOU UNDERESTIMATED YOUR AUDIENCE, HORIKOSHI

“joke’s on you imma just lampshade it” WELL ALL RIGHT THEN

“look at me I’m so fucking self-aware” fucking swear to god. I can’t believe this man is my favorite mangaka of all time smdh

“excuse me, I wasn’t finished describing all the rest of this bullshit yet,” Rat Principal breaks in impatiently. “we also added a steel wall all around the underground of the campus that’s 3000 steel plates thick. that’s fifteen fucking meters of solid fucking steel just fyi. and if anyone fucks around with any part of it the defense system will activate immediately! and also all of the plates are independently motorized, whatever the fuck that means!! in conclusion you’re gonna need a fucking tower crane to suspend all of your disbelief by the time I’m through with this paragraph”

“also Shiketsu is almost as reinforced as U.A. but not quite because we still had to make sure we were better.” but of course. and apparently the two schools are connected via a secret tunnel as Hagakure mentioned earlier

LSDKFJLSDKJFLK

“WAIT WHAT” LMAO YOU HEARD HIM, NOW INASA CAN VISIT YOU BOTH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND TELL YOU ALL ABOUT THE WEIRD DREAM HE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU HORIKOSHI

(ETA: moment of appreciation for Shouto and Katsuki having the same thought at the same time and making Knowing Eye Contact and saying the exact same thing out loud in perfect unison like the best friends they are. what a blessed day.)

so Tokoyami is all “but wait if you engineered all this shit all the way back during the Band arc how did you even know that Tomura’s quirk awakening would become a thing, Horikoshi -- uh, I mean, Principal Nezu”

and Rat Principal is all “lol idk”

“basically I just woke up one morning and was all ‘say, you know what this school really needs? a fifteen-meter-thick underground steel wall, and the ability to break up into little pieces that individually zoom around wherever the fuck they want.’ jesus christ. lol if money and common sense were apparently no obstacle why didn’t you just teleport U.A. to the fucking moon or something. maybe I should shut up before I given him any ideas

dsfaelkjldkjgl

you heard it here first, folks, all of this cost a grand total of nine million U.S. dollars. well technically it cost “more than” nine million dollars. never has that distinction been more important lmao. are we sure this barrier was really made of steel and not cardboard? who the hell sold it to them, Ea-Nasir??

this is my favorite manga series of all time. yes I am ashamed

“in conclusion please do your best to reach Deku-kun” SO WHAT WAS ALL THAT NONSENSE ABOUT IT BEING TOO RISKY THEN. anyway thank you for this super informative and edifying flashback, Horikoshi. I will cherish it always. I don’t even want to read another translation of this absurdity lmao, there’s something special about it just the way it is. pretty sure Horikoshi just had a cracked out fever dream one night and transferred it to the pages of the manga verbatim

anyway so back to the unruly mob

not their finest moment. please excuse me while I cover poor Deku’s ears and give him a good shoosh pap

oh wow the parents are out here too

is Mitsuki trying to hold Inko back?? that’s the last thing this fandom needs right now is more Mitsuki discourse fffwlkjs. and even Jiroudad, scientifically proven to be the best dad in all of BnHA, is just standing there silently looking vaguely unhappy. way to rise to the moment you guys

MONOMA

so this settles it for me that Aizawa is not at UA. I know a lot of people have been wondering about his whereabouts, and if I had to wager a guess it would be that something happened with Shirakumo/Kurogiri. I can’t think of anything else -- even the loss of an eye and a limb -- that would keep him from his kids at a time like this

anyway but this is excellent Monoma content right here though. I love that he apparently adopted Eri after a single interaction with her. also WHERE IS SHINSOU DAMMIT. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW

and Kouta’s there too looking like he wants to run over to Deku but Ragdoll won’t let him :/

it’s gotta be pretty upsetting for him to see his hero like this and not having anyone stand up for him. [taps megaphone] IS THIS THING ON. OKAY YEAH IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING. AHEM. PAGING URARAKA OCHAKO. GONNA NEED YOU TO GET OVER HERE ALREADY AND MAKE THAT BIG DRAMATIC SPEECH WHICH YOU ARE CLEARLY DYING TO MAKE. IF YOU DON’T DO IT SOON I’M GONNA HAVE TO STEP IN, AND YOU REALLY DON’T WANT ME TO DO THAT SINCE MY SPEECH WILL NOT BE VERY GOOD OR INSPIRING, AND WILL PROBABLY JUST CONSIST OF “HELLO, YOU ARE ALL STUPID, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY”

so now Mic is telling them to calm down. at least someone’s speaking up here, geez

OH MY GOD

MY MAN JEANIST OUT HERE DOING WHAT HE DOES BEST: MAKING EVERYONE FEEL GUILTY AND JUDGED

OH MY GOD HE IS GIVING SUCH A LONG AND BORING SPEECH LMAO IS YOUR STRATEGY TO PUT THEM ALL TO SLEEP OR WHAT

truly in awe of this man’s ability to take messages which could easily be conveyed in ELI5-speak, and stubbornly convert them into incomprehensible language the likes of which you need a graduate degree in order to understand

“hey guys, so originally our plan was to use Deku as bait for the villains, but that didn’t really work and also we realized it was kinda dumb and was probably gonna get him killed, so we brought him back here instead.” was that really so hard, Jeanist. also are we all really just gonna sit back here and watch Jeanist take full credit for Bakugou’s plan just like that lmao

(ETA:

WHERE DID ENDEAVOR GO AND WHO IS THIS DIABOLICAL MASTER OF DISGUISE. lol I genuinely didn’t notice this because I was too busy digging through thesauruses trying to rewrite Jeanist’s speech; many thanks to @class1akids​ for pointing it out and making my day immeasurably better. take it easy there Dick Tracy.)

“anyway so please stop being dicks and let him fucking rest so he can save all your ungrateful asses” what an impassioned and inspiring plea. time to see if the masses will listen to reason

narrator: they did not listen to reason

oh my god finally Ochako is doing something. YEAH OCHAKO WOOOO SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

hmm

this entire chapter is truly and utterly nonsensical to me lol

(ETA: on my second readthrough I’m fucking dying at how she stole the megaphone right out of Mic’s hand lmao. and how Kacchan is all “fuck yeah nothing I appreciate more than some quality fucking larceny.”)

oh I see she was jumping on top of the main building so as to scream down at them all more impressively

“ANYWAY DEKU IS PRETTY COOL ACTUALLY, YOU GUYS ARE JUST MEAN” couldn’t have said it better myself Ochako

lol uh

gotta say I did not have “Ochako reveals the secret of OFA to the entire U.A. Citizen Clown Parade” on my bingo card for this week. it’s a bold strategy cotton let’s see if it pays off

SDLFKJSL

“NO, SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT HIM YOU GUYS. YOU THINK HE LIKES RUNNING AROUND DRESSED LIKE A RUSTED OIL DRUM?? HE DID THAT FOR YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL SLOBS”

so she is basically explaining the entire Deku Angst arc to them and explaining what a good and selfless protagonist Deku is, YES, PREACH

OMG IT’S THE GIGANTIC FOX LADY

not to insinuate anything, but what exactly were you doing standing out here with the hysterical mob, Gigantic Fox Lady? you’re better than that

-- KACCHAN SIGHTING!!

sdlkfjl. thanks for weighing in with that helpful and important observation. where have you been for the last five minutes. were you asleep. was it Jeanist’s speech

never mind, now he’s yelling at the civilians so I instantly forgive him

THE FUTURE NUMBER ONE HERO, EVERYONE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. HE’LL BE HERE ALL WEEK

“anyway so I’m just going to end the chapter here” lmao seventeen pages truly do go by so fast. at least he didn’t try to force in a cliffhanger at the end this time. dare I say, growth

so I guess the civilians are either gonna have a Kamino and/or Fukuoka-esque moment where they remember how to be decent people and apologize to this poor young man, or else they’ll remain unpersuaded, and so Kacchan will have to knock a few of their heads around until they become more inclined to be reasonable. either option is fine by me lol

[msmoonfire]

Candle reading made easy

Hey loves, I don’t want to make this post suuuper long so imagine me blowing a welcome kiss to all of you and let’s get started...

The generic practice of reading fire is called pyromancy. 

We can break a candle reading session down to 3 main parts:

Observation (flame watching)

Gathering & understanding (decoding fire’s messages)

Final question & Goodbye (ask if there’s anything else you should know before leaving, thank and salute fire/salamanders)

During the observation phase, watch for:

Length of the flame 1-2 min to know WHEN-the timing = PAST

Shape of the flame 2-3 min to know WHAT-the actual matter = PRESENT

Direction & behavior of the flame 3-4 min to know HOW-the true nature of it = hints at the FUTURE (see where the fire is pointing to know what type of matter it is; concentrate on the opposite direction telling you how to counteract to solve or banish whatever it might be; it also indicates what elemental energy is strongly supporting/protecting you in taking action as well as in related spellwork)

Presence/Absence of Smoke 2-3 min to understand the SOURCE of your awareness 

*Keep a compass handy!

Salamanders/fire will try to communicate with you as soon as you light the fire/candle so pay attention from the very beginning. Fire energy is impulsive, blunt, active, carefree and wild.  This type of divination detects negativity like WOW because it easily speaks the brutally honest truth regardless of how you feel or what's happening. It brings up issues that we refuse to deal with. Again, it’s pure blunt energy. Because of its wild nature, fire will also charge us with optimism and explosive determination to overcome problems and bad news: typically after pyromancy we feel motivated and “ready to go”.

Length

Long-extra long: something has been bothering you for a very long time now (trust your intuition, probably for years) which you never actively faced; you’ve been quiet for too long; unsolved problems from the past are challenging your patience; relevant stuff that had to be cleared much earlier

Medium: Something that has been lurking in the back of your mind for 1-3 months, a plan or an idea that could change/shake your life but is not currently a priority to you; it might be something you heard from another person or a vague thought

Short: something intense that happened within the last couple days, a very recent thing is bothering you and has almost caught you by surprise; unexpected news from day to day, a new sudden event that physically or emotionally shook you

Shape 

Double: Two things that were generated consequentially or have a common link, two entities/people united by a common theme

Super-thin line: Something you felt or suspected but never had proof of evidence about, a subtle suspicion, a doubt, an insinuation; a sneaky or secretive individual

Regular: Something/someone that you accept and is part of your routine, your own mindset, something very close and not disturbing; a solid milestone in your daily life

Round: One thing in particular that constantly “fills you up”, makes you feel complete, full, exploding or either extremely delighted; a person who represses/suppresses you, someone ghosting you on purpose just to humble you or to make you feel lesser

Behavior

Steady: things are happening in the background, far from the “public eye” and without you even realizing; you - and people around you- are calm, clueless, peaceful and the surroundings seem safe; good vibes are in the air but definitely keep your eyes open and intuition awake

Shaky, wiggly: things are visibly happening before your eyes, making you confused, uneasy or giving you mood swings; anxiety; you are able to feel bad vibes around you: take control of the situation and protect yourself Weak, petite & almost extinguished: matter/person X is now annihilating you before the eyes of everybody, but still no one defends you; seek help in others, protect yourself and take action to win this ripe, suffered battle

Directions

EAST: AIR - communication, mindset, mental/spoken/written things, logical reasoning, ideas, plans, spring, morning, sunrise, masculine... WEST: WATER - emotions, unconscious, gut feelings, passivity, illogical reasoning, intangibility, blue, flow, moisture, fall, sunset, feminine... SOUTH: FIRE - action, guidance, strength, activity, blood, warmth, creativity, masculine, red, impulse, summer, noon... NORTH: EARTH - stability, firmness, art, finance, grounding, material things, tangibility, stillness, death, birth, winter, midnight, green... (+ ALL YOUR PERSONAL KNOWLEDGE about the elements and how they can be interpreted, what meanings they have in our lives and their specific correspondences) 

Smoke

Absence: you are the source of awareness: your body and soul have sent you signals about matter X and you had an inner awakening which led you to this reading 

Presence: someone else enlightened you with their words and made you fully aware of matter X; something popped up as an obvious proof that you weren’t expecting to find: this has awakened your inquisitive mind and led it to this reading. 

Hopefully you’ll get inspired by this post and learn something useful to spice up your divination practice:) I thank you so much for reading, xox msmoonfire

[angstymarshmallow]

Fanfiction: a balancing act

I can’t remember the last time I’ve made a somewhat serious post explaining some of my thoughts...where I wasn’t being melodramatic about my own life or posting fanfiction. But this is it, a post simply sharing some thoughts I have.

Again, it’s my perspective and nothing I say is absolute truth. But posting this does sort of allow me to be at the mercy of the internet.

Every once in awhile a discussion with one or more of my fanfic writer pals comes up. Sometimes we talk about in length anything from the expectations followers have, how often we update but most importantly - the expectations as a fanfic writer you have for yourself.

Sometimes, that may mean going on semi-hiatus for weeks or months because of a lack of inspiration, motivation or just downright writer’s block that you can’t simply avoid. Other times, it means scheduling specific times of the week to release certain content. It really depends on the writer themselves.

However, I think the biggest thing I’ve come to realize - it’s like an epiphany really is how much I truly believe fanfiction life is a balancing act.

At one end, you as a writer are consistently trying to provide content. If you’re like me, that’s the bread and butter of your blog (minus the things you get attached to and post along the way) but generally speaking, that’s why people follow you. They like the pairings you write. They like your writing style. But on the other end, being an active fanfic writer in the community also means supporting other fanfic writers like yourself and other forms of media for the fandom you are in. Maybe it isn’t much of an obligation but rather an expectation on everyone’s parts.

In the beginning, I was very good at both of these things. It’s been about a year plus? Probably two years that I’ve been a fanfic writer. I used to constantly absorb fanfiction and reblog them with my thoughts on the accounts that I found fanfiction I thoroughly. And there was an expectation on my end - assuming/unassumingly so for people to do the same. It felt like the ‘right’ thing to do, or at least common courtesy. I began blogging more, reblogging more - writing more. Fanfictions are the only short stories I have ever created and finished. But at the same time, I was absorbing so much content at an alarming rate. I wasn’t doing as good of a job at work anymore, and my partner had some complaints about me spending time on my phone rather than with him. At that point, it was the awakening I needed.

And for the better part of last year and up until now, there’s been some disconnect. I don’t update as frequently as I used to (and part of that is because of real life; my job, person issues, my health etc) and the other half is my reaction to other fanfic writers on tumblr.

Let me explain. There’s a good amount of great writers; writers that know how to string words together in a way that looks effortless (at least from an outsider’s perspective), writers I haven’t even had the pleasures of reading yet. And then there are writers in general. Some that are very good at tailoring to the audience and popular ships; and others that don’t care for popularity and post what they care about. Basically, there’s tons of talent out there. 

While scrolling on my dashboard, I saw a post recently indicating - writers that have gained a following no longer supports or reblog the posts of other writers (usually smaller or not as known writers of the fandom). This is where I think the biggest urge to kind of collect and write my thoughts in a post came. Reading this, although it wasn’t directed at me specifically, I felt guilty because - have I become such a person? Admittedly, the first thing that came to mind was yes. If I am to compare my earlier experience here to now - it does seem that way. I haven’t been nearly as active and as supportive as I used to be and I feel terrible about it. 

But along with this realization also came the realization there’s a number of factors why and they aren’t not necessarily about writers themselves.

Ironically enough, the biggest problem I have is my self confidence or lack thereof. More often than not, people that have read my stuff, liked it and/or have left comments - usually have something thoughtful or sweet to say - which I LOVE and never take for granted. Regardless of how much other people may appreciate my stories, I still struggle with the same more or less thoughts I’ve had since almost the beginning of my fanfic writing. Is my writing good enough? Will it ever be good enough? Is my writing style the best it can be? Is it changing to become better and better? I find this especially true for pairings that aren’t quite as popular or mainstream. 

Other writers: technically this should go under the same issue. I do have the tendency to compare other people to myself. At first, I told myself it didn’t matter how good someone else is, that shouldn’t diminish me in the slightest. I should be happy for them and wish them luck in all their future endeavors. As I mentioned earlier, there are a lot of writers out there. Some of which has specific niches or books they prefer, while others cover a wider array of books and genres. But there’s also a good amount of writers out there with a lot more interesting plots and notes than my own work. Although, for popular pairings - I do receive a good amount of attention in my earlier experiences, it still doesn’t quench the fears I’ve always had. The worst part is I’ve now started a downward spiral of - I’m not good enough, why do I even try? It doesn’t matter because _ _ are soo much better at this than I am. It’s pitiful, and whiny and it doesn’t help anyone let alone myself. And thus, I begin reading less and less of other people’s fanfiction knowing that theirs are either (1) completely better than mine, and I cannot help but agonize and compare or (2), super popular with its own twists and turns and drama - things that don’t necessarily interest me. And the fact that they interest other people discourage me. Either way, as much as I want to support other people all the time - I’m also selfish enough to recognize I can’t always ignore the impact their work has on me.

Another problem is timing. Sometimes, my personal life is so hectic that I don’t have time to sit and read, or even when I do have time my mind is elsewhere and I can’t connect to a story the way it properly deserves. Other times, my personal life is so unbelievably shitty that I can’t even browse online and read anything because I’m too miserable..or too sad to. Or basically a bunch of other emotional or random things that get in the way and stops me from wanting to.

Hiatus. Sometimes I take small hiatuses from here depending on other things going on. This is kind of linked with my earlier point of timing, but it also has to do with the fandom itself. On a whole, what I’ve come to realize in fandoms in general - discourse and discussions are a natural occurrence. With as many people as there are in a fandom, I think it’s natural to have conflicting opinions and views. We grow up with different experiences, come from different backgrounds and walks of life thus naturally no two people will share the exact thoughts about well, anything. As similar or as different as that may be sometimes it often causes misinterpretations, generalizations, racism, homophobia and other matters that should shed light and educate when possible. Hate (anon hate?) are a negative part of that affects a fandom and its members inclusively. And one can’t talk about the positives without sometimes mentioning the negatives as well. Still outside of a community, it weighs on a person. Even inside the community it does as well. Like I said, we’re all different. A lot of the times though because I don’t actively engage, I don’t feel the weight of it as much as because I’m very used to not taking things personally, (I come from a very strong Caribbean background and that factors directly into some of this)  I like remaining as objective as possible depending on the circumstances (something that school has long since drilled into me) and other times I’m eager for an open discussion and understand how that may affect my mental health. It is also good to note that having different opinions doesn’t make anybody more right or more wrong over someone else. There’s opinions and then there’s facts. And then there’s morals and ethical behavior. Basically, while being vague - I can admire some of the politics that comes along with it but remember in the beginning how I mentioned I use this as a way to escape? Yup, this sometimes goes at ends with that. Sometimes in an attempt to get away, I miss updates and stories from my favourite writers and thus continues the same cycle of balancing. 

TLDR: I guess mostly, I believe fanfiction is a balancing act because of the silent demands and responsibilities that come along with it. I don’t think I come close to meeting most of these demands anymore, because of the examples I’ve listed above. I think I’ve written this as a way to - I don’t know? Relate to other people I guess, hoping my fanfic buddies and myself aren’t the only people who experience similar feelings when it comes to balancing fanfiction with...well everything else in life.

If you read this and actually got to the end, thank you for your time. Sometimes I end up in a tangent and it gets difficult to get back on track. In any case, thanks for listening to me rant.