#this is like baby fever but i just want a snake

[marshroom580]

what if...instead of killing the dragon you love it so much it changes the entire narrative

[the-californicationist]

Friday Night Magic

AO3 Link -- I'm pretty sure this was an old ask, but I don't have the original request anymore. Sorry!

Your husband of many years, John Price, has been keeping your secret: you love it when he plays doctor, giving you a happy little pill that makes you really sleepy, really fast. The best part is that you never know how you’ll be woken up. But, when he suggests that you can still play together even while he’s in the middle of hosting game night with his mates, you decide to trust in the fact that the doctor really does know best. 

TW: non-consensual sex, drugged sex, nc-somno, rape, gangbang, betrayal, anal and vaginal sex, references to past rape events

His hand was doing nothing for him, and John hadn’t drawn a usable spell in the past six turns. He was mana-screwed and bored with his lieutenant’s penchant for playing control decks. But, it was Friday, and that’s all that mattered. The tired captain always looked forward to Fridays when they were off-mission. It meant that he got to drink through his whiskey collection, smoke way too damn many cigars, and play Magic: the Gathering with his mates. All work and no play makes John a dull boy, after all. 

Friday nights also meant that you were tucked away in your room, playing with yourself while your man played cards, often overstimulating yourself to the point of tears so that when he was ready to fuck you, his cheeks pink and his breath smelling of whiskey and tobacco, he could go for hours, his fat dick drowning in the milky mess you’d made. He was like your very own sex machine, pounding away at your drooling hole, half-drunk and eager to have you in every position he could dream of. 

Sometimes, though, John’s Friday nights were extra special. Right now, he couldn’t even concentrate on the game. He just wanted to check on you to see if he was about to get a very rare kind of lucky. Fingers crossed, he excused himself from the table and padded into his bedroom, nudging the door open a crack to see where you were. 

You were laying in bed atop your plush blanket, dressed in a matching mesh set, a pale pink bra and crotchless panty, lazily touching yourself with your deft fingers and reading smut on your phone. You didn’t even remove your hand from your clit when he walked in, continuing to swirl slow circles around its sensitive head, rolling your hips just a little to help you feel the slow, delightful drag of your pleasure.  

“Hey, pretty bird,” John purred, sitting beside you, feeling the mattress sink under his weight. 

“Hey, baby. You done with your game?” You asked, peeked up over the edge of your phone before turning back to your scrolling.

“Not yet,” John leaned forward and kissed your nipple through the fabric of your bra, the thin mesh letting you feel the hot, wet whisper of his tongue.

You moaned for him, a lovely, ragged sound. It awakened something mean and primal in his chest. You pouted a bit when he pulled away, your bottom lip bulging out and showing him a small frown,

“I thought you wanted to play doctor tonight.”

Jackpot. John was a lucky man, indeed. He felt the blood from his core rush down to his prick, making his flesh instantly start to swell. He loved playing doctor. 

“We can still play,” he began to tease you, snaking his hand up your ankle and calf, his palm warming your skin. 

“Aren’t your mates still here?” You asked, a hint of scandal in your tone. 

John cocked an eyebrow, questioning your inquiry, a bit put out by your resistance,

“Don’t you wanna take your medicine, love?” His hand slipped slowly over the meat of your inner thigh, his longest fingers reaching just past the seal of your lips, barely dipping into your swollen, drooling hole, “Feels like you’ve got a fever.”

“You think so?” You smiled coyly up at him, putting down your phone and playing with your nipples in front of him, pinching and shaking them back and forth through the pink fabric. 

John nodded, “I think you should take a pill, yeah? Better nip this in the bud before you get sick, sweetheart.”

“The doctor knows best!” You winked at him and rooted around in the bottom of your beside table.

You pulled out a little purple pill bottle, tipped the lid, and placed a white tablet in his open palm. John removed his other hand from between your legs and used the fingers that had been inside of you to gently lift the pill to your lips. 

“Say ahh,” he commanded, almost all of the softness gone from his voice. 

“Ahh…” You made a long noise with your throat, tipping your head back and sticking out your tongue. When you felt the pill land in place, you flipped it under your tongue to allow it to dissolve. 

“Good girl,” John praised you, letting you suckle on his slick-covered fingers as you liked, enjoying how you were sucking him down to his knuckles as if you were practicing for his cock. Then, once the pill was gone, you released his hand and kissed his palm, the sticky sheen of your lip gloss making a little popping noise as you did. 

“Thank you, doctor. I know you’ll make me feel so much better,” you smiled, 

“I will, sweetheart. Come say goodnight to the boys.”

“Okay, but I need my robe,” you said, your voice laced with heavy apprehension. John wasn’t asking, though, and he helped you stand up from the bed, taking your phone and wrapping your silk nightgown around you, doing the bare minimum for your modesty. 

You fixed yourself in your vanity mirror and followed John out into the main room, holding the robe tight against your body as you emerged. 

“Hey, bonnie,” Soap’s face lit up, “Good to see ya.”

“You, too! Just wanted to come say good night before I went off to bed.”

“Oh, no. You gotta join us for a game, babes. It’s been too long,” Gaz chided you playfully, grabbing you by the shoulder and guiding you to the table. 

You looked up at John for help. But, he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew you only had a few more minutes before the pill would start to take effect, and he also knew that you were way too shy to tell them the truth about your naughty little habit. 

What could you say? Oh, sorry, I can’t play tonight. I took an extra-strength sleeping pill because I want my husband to fuck me while I’m helpless and knocked out cold. 

John smiled, watching you squirm and rack your brain for any and every excuse to back out,

“Oh, no, there’s no more chairs. I’ll just —“

“Si’ down,” Simon said curtly, grabbing your hip and pulling you down onto his lap, letting your legs straddle one of his huge thighs, “You can play my hand, Mrs. Price.”

The fact that your robe had ridden up your legs almost to reveal your thick asscheeks was only a secondary concern. The primary one was that your well-rubbed pussy was already leaving a damp stain on Simon’s jeans. His thigh was as hard as a stone, heavy with muscle, and he was holding your hip hard enough to keep you fully pressed to him. The only movement you could make was to grind back against him, which you had to do every time you lost your balance on his leg. 

You tried your best to pay attention to the game, but you were struggling to stay alert. The pill’s effects were making your head foggy and your eyes droop. Your fingers were too weak to hold the cards, and when they dropped from your hand, your husband’s smile turned sinister.

“Feelin’ alright there, love?” Gaz asked, a hint of teasing in his voice.

“Um…” You tried to form a sentence, but the words wouldn’t come out.

“Felt a bit under the weather earlier, wasn’t she? Took her pill, though. Makes her a bit drowsy,” Price explained, sitting next to Simon, rubbing your back, not seeming to care that his hands were shifting the collar of the robe out of place and making it hang down your shoulder, revealing the top of your sheer bra to the whole room. 

You tried to fix it, but you were slowly losing control of your arms, feeling like you were floating in a dreamy sea. 

“Dinnae fash, hen,” Johnny grinned, folding his hand on the table, “We’ll tuck you in, won’t we, lads?”

“Aye, that we will,” Simon’s voice was deep and low, spoken right into your ear. 

You looked up at John for help, realizing that he wasn’t going to save you. You thought he would scoop you up and take you back to bed, or at least make some excuse and send his men home, but no. He was letting them pull at your robe so that it hung around your waist, watching them reveal your ample tits in your see-through bra, doing nothing but looking pleased as could be. 

“John…” You slurred, feeling yourself slip away to a drugged sleep, hearing his words right before your head fell to the table in front of you,

“Sweet dreams, love.”

You were gone from the world, floating in between being awake and being asleep. And it almost seemed like you could feel yourself being fucked. The pleasure was there, and yet, you couldn’t move or scream. You couldn't open your eyes. But, John would never allow that to happen. It was just a dream, right?

When you first awoke in one of your windows of consciousness, you were still at the table, but something was… wrong. You hadn’t moved from Simon’s lap, but now, he was moving you. You were split over his cock, and he was buried, balls-deep in your pussy, fondling your breasts under your mesh bra. The others were laughing, talking, joking, carrying on their game, but their eyes leered at you like hyenas waiting their turn to sink their teeth into the neck of a caught gazelle.

“Mmngh, ungh,” you tried to speak, but you sounded drunk, “John?”

“No, princess,” Simon snarled in your ear, “Your big man’s lettin’ us jump the line, yeah? Nice of him, innit? Fuck, I love Fridays.”

“What?” You were so confused. Why was Simon talking as if this had happened before? You were so ashamed, and John was right beside you. How could he let this happen? “John… Please…”

You tried to reach out to him, but your arms only lifted to his knee, trying to grab at his shirt or hand, anything to make him help you. Simon’s dick was steadily pounding into your swollen cunt, and John was just smoking his cigar and laughing at your feeble attempts to get free. 

“Hush, now, love. Riley loves playin’ doctor, just like me. In fact, the boys have been takin’ good care of you every time they stop by, haven’t you?”

“Aye,” Johnny held his whiskey up to you as if to give you a toast, his eyes wide and full of a sick sort of hunger, “That bonnie cunt gets me through the week, lass. And ye keep it so wet for us. Such a good wee missus you’ve got, Cap’n.”

“Can’t thank you enough for the hospitality, Mrs. Price,” Gaz nodded to Soap, agreeing with his crude statement, taking another swig of his drink as his other hand moved under the table, moving rhythmically, obviously jerking himself off to the sight of you being speared on Simon’s big dick. 

Suddenly, you felt Simon’s hands grip your hips on both sides of your body, holding you down onto the base of his cock, and you knew that he was about to come. You squirmed, wishing you could muster up any kind of strength, feeling as if you were still dreaming, 

“No… No! Stop… Please… Don’t come in me…”

John cupped your cheek as his lieutenant dumped load after load of his sticky come into your body, his cock pulsing inside of you like a heartbeat, each throb of its huge shaft was another thick pool of his spend, turning your stomach and bringing desperate tears to the corners of your eyes.

“Shh, shh, shh,” John purred, “Take the medicine Riley’s givin’ you, love. It’ll make you feel so much better. You want mine next, hm? Will that make it right, pretty girl?”

“Unghhh…” You felt your body betray you, your pussy needing to come. Simon had one of his hands working quick, lurid circles around your clit, and now he was dragging you to a climactic peak, forcing you to come on his spent cock. 

As you felt yourself spin out of control, your legs began to shake, giving away your moment of pleasure to the whole table. 

“That’s a good girl,” John praised you, brushing a stray lock of hair out of your face. 

“Fuck, she’s so wet. I think she likes an audience, Cap,” Simon observed, planting sloppy kisses onto your neck as you trembled from the aftershocks of your bliss. 

They barely allowed you to cool down before John said,

“C���mere, love. My turn.”

Simon lifted you off of his lap with Price’s help, your robe fluttering to the floor. Your husband turned you on your back, laying you on the table across the cold wood and stacks of strewn playing cards. You tried to roll away, tried to sit up, but it was no use. The drugs had their hold on you, and you felt yourself fading back into a deep sleep. 

Just before the blackness took you, you saw John lining up his fat, drooling cock at your entrance, sliding his head through Riley’s come with little resistance. 

“Mmm-fuck. You’re so tight even after Riley’s prick, love. This pussy can just take so much cock, huh? Perfect girl.”

You slipped away into sleep yet again, and it seemed like you had only been out for a few minutes. You woke again in the same position, with your husband brutally pounding away at your hole, stuffing himself inside with wet, slick, slapping sounds. 

Hands were roughly groping your tits from the other side of the table, none of which belonged to your husband, and as they played with your nipples, they began to pinch and pull at them, making you cry out. 

“Look who’s awake again,” John cooed, his voice laced with farcical pity, “Don’t worry. You’ll get Johnny and Kyle soon enough.”

You couldn’t hold on. You tried to struggle against the shadowy slumber that pressed down on all your senses, but it was no use. 

When you woke up again, you were in bed. Your pillow and blanket were gone, but you recognized the soft sheets. Then, you realized you were moving. The whole mattress was shaking back and forth, and Johnny was behind you, shoving his leaking dick into your asshole. 

“Unghff-fuck! You back among the living, bonnie? Your tight little hole just grabbed me like a fuckin’ vice.”

“S-s-stop. Please…” You managed to whisper, your throat feeling sore for some reason. You tried not to think about why that would be.

“Cannae stop, lass. Your man’s dead set on findin’ the cure for what ails you, and I’m here to help. Based on how wet your wee slit has become, I think we’re on the right track.”

Just when you heard his words tease you about your wetness, you felt his fingers slip inside of your pussy, three of them, cruelly thick, following his cock’s rhythm, stretching you wider than you’d ever been in your whole life. 

You tried to cry out, to scream, to call for help, but it was no use. So, you melted into his efforts instead, feeling your muscles flutter against him, threatening to make you come from his anal sex. He didn’t seem to notice your mounting pleasure, or if he did, he didn’t much care. He just continued to thrust into your holes, slamming his stocky weight into you, making your cheek sink into the mattress as you lay face-down, ass-up for your husband’s best friend.

The last thing you heard as you fell into unconsciousness was Johnny’s moans, and his comment of surprise,

“Oh, bonnie girl. You gonna come for me? Fuck, yes…”

Your next moment of lucidity was in the living room. You were on the couch. Well, your face was laying against the crook of someone’s neck, your forehead pushing into the fabric upholstery, as you were being fucked in their lap on the sofa. You tried to lift yourself to see what was happening to you, and as you did, you saw that you were riding Simon again, straddling his legs as he fucked his cock up into your dripping hole from below. His mouth was suckling from your nipple, your bra missing, latched on and unwilling to let go, leaving little hickies behind as his teeth teased the sensitive nub. 

But, he wasn’t alone. There was… something… happening to your asshole. You craned your neck to see Kyle standing behind you, fucking his long dick into your ass as Simon pounded into you from below. 

You let out a long moan, the pleasure that you’d been receiving clearly coursing through you despite your lack of consent. You had been coming and coming and coming, and you hadn’t been awake for any of it. 

“Holy shit,” Garrick growled, his grip on your flank tightening hard enough to bruise, “She’s gonna come again. Can’t fuckin’ believe it. Feels so goddamn good.”

“Fuck,” Simon popped his mouth away from your chest to lean his head back, relaxing as he rode the waves of your impromptu orgasm, “Oh, look. She’s awake.”

Kyle’s huge hand fisted your hair and pulled you back so he could see your face,

“I dunno. I wouldn’t call that awake. How much did she take?”

“Cap gave her two more when she was with him and Soap, so we’ve got time, Sergeant. Don’t we, love?” Simon grabbed your face without care, squeezing your cheeks and making you look at him through hooded, tired eyes, “Oh, yeah, we do. All the time in the world.”

Fic #99 is in the bag... next one will be #100! Thanks to everyone for supporting me through my absolute descent into madness. lol

[alwaysobsessed777]

FADE INTO YOU - C.C.

words: 1056

warnings: none

summary: you and Caitlin being in love and finally having time to show it because it's her off season

After the long (extremely long) basketball season, it was time for Caitlin’s off-season. I couldn’t be more excited. The thoughts of spending my days with her, rather than the limited time we had together before. Her either rushing off to practice or flying away for a game, I, staying home to finish my schooling while starting my job. I already flew out to Indiana when she got drafted to The Fever, but I couldn’t go everywhere with her. As much as I wanted too, I had to stay home and watch her games sometimes rather than be there for her. But now, it was the time of year where not too much was going on. She’d still practice, I still had work and school, but we were never really too far apart.

My alarm went off, seven in the morning, for work. I turned it off, just laying back in bed, looking at the ceiling. I didn’t want to go, I needed to go, but did I really? I looked over at my sleeping girlfriend. Her mouth slightly open as she breathed quietly. I smiled; she was adorable. I leaned over, placing a soft kiss on her head. I whispered, “I love you.”

I go to get up, sitting at the edge of the bed, when someone holds onto my arm pulling me back. I look back at her, sleep evident in her face, her wavy hair everywhere, and a dumb smile on her face; Caitlin didn’t say anything, just tugged at my arm softly.

“I gotta get up for work, Cait,” I say, almost whining at the thought. She shakes her head, I laugh. “Sadly, yes, I do.”

“No, call in. You work so hard, give yourself a day to rest, baby,” The pet name slipping through her lips. It’s been a while since I’ve heard it, I immediately broke. She became worried, her eyes looking suddenly awake, “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“We…we just haven’t been able to have time to ourselves recently. It’s just…I don’t know…”

She moves close to me, pulling me to lay on top of her, “No, no tell me what you’re feeling. I’m here to listen, I’m here to help.”

I nuzzle my head into her neck, feeling the warmth radiate off her body, “I know...it’s just…I’ve missed us.” I mess with the fingers of her hand that weren’t running through my hair.

“I did to, y/n, I’ve missed you so much,” She paused, taking my chin in her hand, moving me to look up at her, “Take today off, we’ll go have some fun. That sound good?”

I nod, a smile finding its way to my lips, “More than good.” I pull myself away from her, her pouting. I laugh, “I have call in, can’ t just not show up.”

“Okay,” She drug out the word, I chuckled.

“I’ll be quick, I promise,” And quick I was, I needed this. I told them that I needed a day because of mental health. It wasn’t completely wrong, I needed this day to improve my mental state, but also to just hang out with the person I loved most. “Okay, okay, I called!” I ran back to the bed, excited for today. Caitlin just laughed.

“Babe, I’ve never seen you so happy,” Her smile rested on her face, sweet and loving. She got out of the bed to walk up to me, her hands falling to my waist. My arms snaked around her neck, almost without a thought behind the action. I smiled up at her, hers beaming bright. “I love you.”

My breath hitched at the words; I’ve never been so smitten for someone in my life. I felt like my every waken moment needed to be spent with her, and the last year hasn’t been that. “I love you too,” I blushed, the words leaving my mouth with a shyness to it.

She leaned down, placing a small kiss to my lips. I melted into it, my hands going into her dark hair, my body pressing against hers. She separates our lips, making me pout. “Stop being cute,” She teased, “We’ll literally stay in the room all day if we don’t stop.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I mumble, her snickering. “I mean, there is nothing wrong with that. Imagine all the stuff we could do in here…” I paused, reading Caitlin’s face, “You know, like watch movies, eat snacks, scroll on our phones.” Caitlin blushed; I laughed. “And what were you thinking, pretty girl?”

She blushed even more, “Stoppp,” She whined out causing me to laugh. I shrug.

“Stop what, hmm?”

“You know exactly what I was thinking…and stop calling me pretty girl,” She hid her face, her hands leaving my hips. I chuckle.

“But it’s the truth, I call a pretty girl ‘pretty girl’. That’s how it works,” I lower my hands to her waist, traveling slowly before stopping there. She looks through her fingers, a small smile on her lips.

“God, I’ve missed you.”

“Me too, Caitlin.”

We stood there, our bodies touching, just taking in the moment. I couldn’t have been happier. This seemed like the most intimate moment we’ve had in a while. Before Cait’s legendary senior year college season, we had nothing but these moments. Going on little road trips just to be in the car for hours, talking, singing. The waking up early in the morning so we could just watch the sunrise through the windows of our apartment in Iowa. Or the late-night drives to a secluded field to stargaze. We did it all, we did it together. Now, we were drifting apart, or it felt like it. This morning says otherwise. I’m still deeply in love with the woman holding me, and I can feel the reciprocation.

“Hey,” she said, slightly pulling away. I hummed in response. “You wanna go get something to eat?” I smiled, placing a soft kiss on her cheek before untangling us.

“Why don’t we try to make something,” I walk towards the door, “You know we do have a kitchen. Like, I don’t think you ever step foot in there.”

She laughs, “I do too!” She pauses, “I go in there to get bottles of water out of the fridge.”

I laugh, “Shut up, come on, cutie.”

She rolled her eyes, following me into the kitchen.

A/N: i'm sorry...this has to be the cutest thing i've written. Like...come on

[chamomiletealeaf]

imagine laying down with Soap watching TV and snaking your hand into his boxers and just nonchalantly stroking it

MHM MHM

You'd act like nothing's happening either.

Warnings: handjob, Soap being whiney, reader teasing Soap, dom/sub dynamics

The TV lights up the room as the frames on screen go from one to the next as you and your boyfriend Johnny watch a movie. It was one of those lazy Sundays and you two had spent the whole day snuggling with one another.

Soap sits there with his shirt off, beefy biceps and hairy chest and torso on display, the lighting of the room exaggerating the divots of his abdomen.

He looked fucking hot, to say the least.

You look up at him and then drag your eyes down his body, which he notices and laughs at your desperation.

"See something you like bonnie?" He asks, and you smile.

"Not sure what you're getting at Johnny. Just lookin'." You tease.

He looks down at you, perky tits showing through his shirt you're wearing and your thighs and ass being squeezed perfectly by the tiny pajama shorts you have on.

He leans down to kiss you and you kiss him back, both of you trying to ignore the heat stirring deep in your cores.

He pulls back to play with the hem of your excuse for shorts and chuckles.

"What's so funny?" You ask with a smile.

"Nothin' bonnie, just, you look adorable." He says, dragging his hand up into the pant hole of your shorts to grip your thigh making you giggle.

"We're gonna miss the movie." You say.

It's a movie you've both seen a million times, so you know that's not true.

You both go back to watching the movie, but after about 10 minutes you slide your hand over Johnny's thick cock obstructed by his sweats.

He hisses and bucks his hips up.

"Fuck- what are you up to ya cheeky lass." He whispers in your ear.

"What?" You look at him while you palm him over his sweats.

"What are you talking about baby?" You say with innocent doe eyes, and he scoffs with disbelief.

"Don't fuck- don't play fucking dumb lass you're palming my cock and if you don't stop soon I'm gonna have to shove your face into this couch and fuck that wee cunt raw." He growls in your ear and you bite your lip to hold back a whimper.

You feel like playing with fire tonight, so you remove your hand, getting him to think you're gonna stop (which he doesn't actually want you to do anyway), but then you smirk and run your hand down his happy trail to then shove your hand in his boxers and squeeze his leaking cock.

"Fuck." Johnny moans, throwing his head back.

You sit up on your knees and rest your head in the crook of his neck while you continue to jerk him off.

"What's the matter sweetie? What's got you so pent up?" You say biting his earlobe.

Johnny whimpers as you run your thumb over his slit and his eyes roll back for a moment.

You smirk and grab his face, turning him towards you so your foreheads touch. You run your thumb over the blush painting his cheeks pink as he pants like a dog.

"Hmm your face is so warm and flushed baby. Might have a fever or something. You feeling ok?" You continue your teasing with a fake pout, acting like you're not fisting his cock under his sweats.

"S- stop being cheeky you minx." He huffs through gritted teeth.

You then giggle and latch your lips onto his neck, slowly running your tongue over his little sweet spot under his jaw as you speed up the movement of your hand pumping his cock.

Johnny is a whining and panting mess as he babbles out how he's gonna get you back for this, but the way he pathetically whimpers them out contradicts the sternness of his words.

"Ah- mhm- God you're not gonna be able to fuckin' think after I pin you down and fuck you nice and rough the way you like it after this hm? Ah- fuck just like that don't stop." He curses and grunts, trying to sound frustrated.

You stop sucking on his neck and press your cheek to his to look down at the wet spot he's made in his pants. Still on your knees next to him with your tits squished against his chest.

"Oh I'm sure you will sweetie. But for now lemme see you cum for me baby. Make a mess for bonnie hm?" You brush off his promises to get you back despite the way it makes your pussy flutter and you tease him with the little nickname he has for you.

"Mhm..Mhm..Mhm.." Johnny muffles his approval through a bitten bottom lip, encouraging you to continue as you both keep your eyes fixated on your hand moving under the fabric of his gray sweatpants, cheeks still pressed together.

Then, Johnny grips your wrist and moans breathily as he bucks his hips up, the light gray patch from his pre cum on the front of his pants turning into a much bigger and darker one as he stains the inside of them with his cum. His cum drips over your hand as some leaks onto his lower abdomen.

"Ooh yeah Johnny just like that. Look at you cummin' all nice and pretty for me."

You keep your hand inside his pants as you turn to kiss his cheek, his chest heaving as he catches his breath.

You giggle at his breathlessness, pride swelling your chest knowing only you can make your big bad soldier melt this way.

"Come here." He growls, gripping your face to smash his lips against yours hungrily, tongue licking against yours.

"Better go clean up, best part of the movie is coming up." You say with a smile as you finally remove your hand from his ruined sweats to stand up.

Johnny catches you before you get away pulling you back down onto the couch by your hips, making you yelp.

"Oh no bonnie." Johnny says, gripping your jaw.

"I have a promise to fulfill." He smirks.

And this time, your clueless doe eyes were genuine for the first time tonight and your shocked expression turned into a matching smile.

The rest of the movie was forgotten as you spend the rest of the night with Johnny fucking up into you in a full Nelson on the couch giving you more orgasms you thought were possible, and he was right: by the end of the movie you didn't have a single thought in your brain other than Johnny.

[charlottes-diary-entries]

Hello love! I absolutely adore your writing, I was wondering if maybe you could do a poly!mauraders x reader where maybe the reader got injured somehow (maybe quditch?) and the mauraders are like all worried and stuff? Totally fine if you don’t want to do it, I just got injured at my competition and I’m feeling sorry for myself 😂

baby i feel your self-pity, i hate getting benched from injuries!! it's the total worst and i hope you heal quickly, but in the mean time here's something special! it turned more into an independent reader struggling with being worried over, but i hope you enjoy darling. <3

CW: injuries, but thats about it <3

The sound of the students in the stands could only be described as a frightening roar during the match. Through some drizzling rain, Gryffindors and Slytherins had poured out of their common rooms by the dozens to witness the match, which had become increasingly intense.

Foul plays from Slytherins, attempts at similar plays from Gryffindor (which James shut down immediately with a reprimanding and a few threats of what practice would become should such poor sportsmanship continue). You had dodged more ill-aimed bludgers than you could count, and as the wind picked up and the rain got heavier, it was all you could do to stay on your broom.

And at some point, even that became unmanageable.

You could have sworn you'd just blinked and suddenly the noise in your ears increased ten-fold, deafening you, and there were these horrible stars in your eyes.

Then you were on the ground, and there were lots and lots of people around you, and you couldn't really see right, and-

"Shit, shit, shit, love! Shit!"

Was that James?

"What happened? What the fuck happened? Was this one of the snakes, because I swear to fuck-"

Sirius?

They kept shouting, until someone else (a professor?) was shouting at them to quiet down. A lot of movement, fuzzy, dizzying movement, then someone was picking you up and suddenly falling asleep felt like a very, very nice idea.

"No, no, no dove, stay up for us, yeah? I don't- Maybe falling asleep isn't a good idea okay?"

Ah, so Remus was carrying you. You tried to lift a hand to your eyes, to hide from the light, or hide from Remus, or something, but you could barely feel your hand. Scratch that, your entire arm felt like it'd been pulled clean off.

Tears began to slip down your cheeks because fuck, now that you thought about it, your head really, really hurt. Your whole body was burning in pain.

"Oh, don't cry dovey, please, don't cry, Madame Pomfrey'll fix you up so quick, you won't even know..."

You lost the rest of his sentence as you began to drift away. Not that you really wanted to, it just felt much, much easier than staying awake...

All that was what had landed you here, benched at Quidditch with a pair of sunglasses on, a nasty cast around your left arm, and what your boys had deemed a permanent frown that worsened by the minute.

You had woken from the concussion very early the next morning to find an extremely frantic Sirius at the foot of your bed. He kissed you and talked while Remus and James were both still asleep, holding hands as they sat by your bed. Apparently, Sirius couldn't sleep he was so worried about you.

(The conversation didn't get much further than that as Pomfrey entered and began to shoo off the boys. Poor Remus and James only got to give you quick "I Love You's" before being firmly ushered out.)

You had been on bed rest the entire day, Pomfrey also dealing with a freak accident from a first-year potions class. Several children with boils and fevers and a need for so much attention that Pomfrey could not spend time brewing fresh Skele-Gro for you, hence, the traditionally muggle healing methods on your arm. Her potion for your concussion was helping you heal faster, but damn did it make every light blinding.

James had determined you banned from Quidditch practice until you were fully healed. While you understood his reasoning, it did not mean you had to be happy about being benched.

"Lighten up please, darling, glaring at them isn't going to make your head better."

You turned to glower at Remus instead, who sat to your right and handed you a cauldron cake. He smiled brightly and bumped your shoulder before kissing your forehead. Your frown deepened immensely.

"Maybe so, but it's certainly making me feel better knowing they know how much I hate this."

"Am I really such horrid company?" Remus said, a cheeky grin on his face. You rolled your eyes (which definitely did not hurt your head) and turned back to watch James and Sirius fly about in the air. You leaned your head on his shoulder and shut your eyes.

"No," You began, "I just wish I could be up there."

Remus's grin dropped and he placed a kiss to your temple before leaning his head against yours.

"I know dove."

You watched them continue their drills in silence and you had begun to eat your treat when Remus spoke up again.

"Though, it is nice to have you for company. I finally have someone else to ogle the boys with."

At this you snorted, looking up again to follow James and Sirius in the air.

"Yeah, they are pretty hot when they do their thing, huh?"

"Very. Very hot."

"Please, Sirius, my arm's fine now, I can carry my own bags-"

"Not if I have anything to say about it."

Sirius held your books out of your reach with a grin and you huffed, crossing your arms as you both walked to potions. None of the boys had let you carry anything the past week, which was sweet and very gentlemanly of them, but quickly beginning to bother you. Especially as Pomfrey had had you up in the Medical Wing very quickly, choking down Skele-Gro so your arm could heal. Was your arm a tad weaker than normal? Yes! Did it make you a helpless doll? Absolutely not!

"I'm completely serious-"

"No, I am!"

"Siri!" You tried to glare at him, snatching at your bag which he expertly kept to himself. "I can carry my own books, really, I'm fine."

"Hmm..." Sirius stopped cold and began to study you, inspecting you from head to toe. He stepped closer, grabbing your chin, which in turn made you gasp a little bit and lose some of your bravado. He tilted your head each way before grabbing your freshly healed arm and staring it down. You went to interrupt when he slipped your hand into his own and began pulling you along.

"Since you want to hold something so bad, you get me until we say you're alright."

You scoffed as an awful grin grew on his face.

"This is ridiculous. It's almost been a week and still."

"Still what, dove?" A new voice popped up, and James sidled up beside the two of you, taking your other hand.

Your face warmed a little bit as he leaned over to place a kiss on your cheek, but you rolled your eyes and powered on.

"Still you're all coddling me. I mean, you have to let me back on my broom someday, James. Can't keep me benched forever."

At this he frowned, growing a little more serious. "Darling, you need rest to heal. You still need those glasses outside and I'd rather play it safe with you. Don't want you mucking up a solid week of getting better just cause you couldn't wait to be back on a broom. It'd make me a bad captain to let you do that, and an even worse boyfriend."

Again, you grumbled, trying to accept their caring as simply that; caring. He placed another kiss on your cheek and swung your hands back and forth as Sirius spoke up again.

"We don't get many chances to worry over you like this darling, let us baby you just this once? Pretty please?"

He flashed you horrid puppy-eyes as James squeezed your hand again. You rolled your eyes, feeling warmth spread throughout your cheeks and neck.

"Just- let's get to potions. Please."

Both boys grinned and began chattering away as you walked. Would it be so horrible to let them treat you for a while?

Yes. Yes, it would.

Because it would seem, after nearly two weeks of resting and healing spent half in your bed and entirely in the arms of your boyfriends, they still were unwilling to let you return to practice fully.

This thought irked you horribly as you sat, hovering on your broom like a first-year, doing slow laps around the quidditch field no more than a meter off the ground. You picked up your pace a little bit, beginning to feel a bit of wind on your face as you thought of how badly you wanted to be doing more.

"Oi, quit it."

The glare you sent James's way was burning with simmering frustration. You proceeded to stick your tongue out at him and cross your arms, as childish as it felt.

He merely frowned in response, turning to watch the rest of the team drilling catching and dodging with some quaffles. Even if he wanted to place all his attention on you, it would've been entirely unfair to the rest of the team. Sirius was also distracted, i.e., finding a little too much fun in their game of dodgeball. (He'd nearly given a keeper a black eye.) Remus was not there to watch today, instead spending his time studying for an upcoming exam.

With all eyes turned away from you, and this endless itch to actually, finally do something, slipping away was a very easy thing to do.

As you began to fly around the grounds of Hogwarts, shooting up into the sky and diving back down to pick up even more speed, you could've sworn the wind wasn't just whistling in your ears. It was whispering to you that slipping away was the right thing.

You whooped and hollered and laughed as you chased your way around the towers and over the Black Lake. You dared to let your hand fall and scrape the inky dark surface of the water, and the resulting splash endlessly delighted you. Eventually, you decided to settle your little escape under a tree by the shore.

A few pants escaped you as your lungs caught up with all you had just done. After, you'd relaxed for maybe another twenty minutes and it felt like nothing could wipe the smile off your face.

"Jesus, dove, there you are."

Alright, maybe nothing.

You turned to find Sirius landing his broom and jogging over to you, and your face slowly began to drop. He dropped to his knees next to you and gave you a cursory glance, and when he was happy with the state of you, relaxed against the tree as well.

The two of you sat in silence for a minute before you managed to speak up.

"I'm not sorry or anything. By the way. And I-" You glanced over to Sirius, before staring forward and plowing on, "I've appreciated you all caring and coddling me but I'm better and I'm sick of being sidelined and babied and- and-"

You looked at Sirius again to find him smiling at you, completely in love. There was so much care in his eyes that it caused you to stumble over your words and past your point completely.

"And... yeah."

Sirius only continued to smile at you. He then sighed a little and wrapped an arm around your waist to tug you into him.

"Sorry we've been babying you, gorgeous." He paired this with a kiss pressed to your temple. "We're just nervous about making sure you're okay."

"I'm okay. Believe me, I am okay now."

"I believe you, love."

"Good."

You relaxed against him and soaked up the day together. There were birds singing in the distance and a light breeze dancing across the grass. It felt peaceful. You turned your gaze to Sirius and pressed a loving kiss to his cheek.

"I do mean it, I appreciate you all worrying about me. Even if you don't need to so much anymore."

"Not a problem dovey," He grinned, still looking out across the lake before he turned to return your kiss. "It's our job as boyfriends. And now, our job is to convince James you're well enough to do more than float an inch off the ground."

A snort escaped you as you laughed at that, sighing and hiding your face against his shoulder.

"He's gonna give me so much shit for skipping out on practice, floating or not."

"I'm sure it won't be all that bad."

Sirius now smirked down at you, unable to resist pressing yet another kiss to your cheek.

"He's completely smitten with you after all. We all are."

oh my god this is a million years late babes, i'm so sorry. between finals and dorm moveout i've been completely swamped. i'm planning on getting back into the fanfiction grind though, so you have plenty to look forward to coming up darling!! all the best!!!! <3

[headkiss]

I LOVE YOUR HOTCH FICS!!! <3 You write him so well, and I just adore how soft he is 🥺! I've read a fic where the author basically describes him as a Jane Austen hero, and I can't help but agree (what are you thoughts?)! Sooooo, is it possible to get a fic where Hotch reads to sick!reader to help her sleep? TYSM!

omg ur so right he is very much jane austen coded!!! tysm for requesting i hope u like it!!! | 0.7k of fluff, sick reader and gentle hotch <3

Aaron’s job isn’t one that allows him to take much time off of work, even when he wants to. You know it, and would never be angry at him for it, so when you wake up feeling a little too warm, you reassure him that you’ll be fine by yourself.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” He asks, already dressed in his suit and sitting on the edge of the bed by your waist. “I can if you want me to.”

Of course the only time he’d be eager to ask for a day off is when it’s in your favor. He doesn’t even call out when he’s the one who’s sick.

“No, you can’t, Aaron. They need you over there,” you say, hoping your smile is convincing enough. “I’m just gonna sleep this off. I’ll be fine.”

He sighs, reluctant to leave even though he sort of has to, even though he knows you can take care of yourself. He just hates not being the one to do so, anyways.

Hotch leans over to press a kiss to your heated cheek, “I’ll call you when I can to check in, okay?”

“You really don’t have to-”

“Let me do that, at least, sweetheart.”

“Okay.”

He kisses your cheek again and then stands to leave, pausing at the bedroom doorway to turn back and look at you one more time. You snake your hand out from under the sheets and give him a thumbs up.

Aaron calls you exactly five times throughout the day, most of them quick, couple-minute phone calls where he asks how you’re doing, if you’ve eaten. One of them during his lunch—which he rarely takes—and lasting nearly half an hour, him doing most of the talking.

The sun is close to setting by the time he gets home, where Aaron finds you curled up on the couch in the comforter from your bed, your skin clammy, your baby hairs sticking to your forehead.

His heart aches a little bit at the sight, because he knows you’ve been downplaying how sick you feel all day to keep him from worrying, as if anything could.

Hotch walks over to the couch, crouching in front of where your head is propped up on a pillow. “Sweetheart.”

“Hi, Aaron.”

He presses the back of his hand to your forehead, frowning at how warm you feel. “Why didn’t you tell me you have a fever? You should be in bed.”

“Got too warm in there, then too cold out here, so I took the comforter. Hope that’s okay.”

The medicine you took hours ago hasn’t done much other than make you a little groggy, and it’s clear in the way you speak with your cheek still squished to the pillow, your eyelids heavy.

Aaron’s hand is still on your forehead, like he can will your fever away with his touch. “Have you slept? Are you hungry?”

You shake your head, “don’t really feel like eating.”

“You should,” he says. “How about I run you a bath and make you some soup? Then bed.”

“Okay, doctor Hotchner.”

He shakes his head, though the small smile on your face as you tease him makes him smile, too. Even feeling poorly, you manage to brighten his day. A ray of sunshine.

He does exactly as promised, and after a bath and a generous bowl of soup that Hotch made sure you finished, you’ve got your head in his lap, his hand gently pushing your hair back.

Looking down, Aaron finds you still awake, blinking up at him lazily. “Aren’t you tired?”

“It’s been hard to sleep,” you say, fingers fiddling with the hem of his t-shirt. “Will you read to me?”

“Sure, sweetheart. Pick a book.”

You choose, and whine when he gets up to go get it even though he’s back in a matter of seconds. With your cheek comfortably pressed against his thigh once again, he starts reading to you.

You’ve always loved Aaron’s voice, the way it sounds when he speaks to you, the low and calm tone that seems to wash over you. He’s using a gentle voice now, a quiet one that you love even more because it’s one he saves for you. Intimate and lovely.

It’s only with his hand in your hair and his voice in your ears that you’re finally able to fall asleep.

[ma1dita]

im begging on my knees for you to see my vision of riding Luke in the driver’s seat of a car after a stressful and dangerous quest 😩😭 THE TENSION!? THE ROUGHNESS??

🐥🐥🐥🐥🐥

mdni

luke castellan x reader

a/n: it's 7am... i... don't know either. smut. unprotected sex. semi public. slight exhibitionism

wc: 835

riding luke in the driver's seat of a car he stole while accompanying you on your first official quest.... having a car was a quicker way to get the job done he said, and chris also reasoned the old lady they carjacked won't know what she's missing. with two sons of hermes against you, even if you disagreed with them they still wouldn't hear a single complaint from your lips once you could sit in the ac instead of trod through the summer midwestern heat.

a week later you're sitting in the parking lot of a motel in rural illinois. one second you're grinning over the success of your quest and waiting for chris to come back with the room key and the next second luke's pulling you over the console into a bruising kiss that makes his cracked lips bleed. days ago you remember watching luke pick the locks of this car just as easy as he flicks your belt open just now, your knees digging into the hot metal of the seatbelt mechanism next to his thighs as you rise up from your haunches and he can see the sweat glistening on your tummy, back arching over the steering wheel. your shirt flies over his shoulders and lands somewhere in the backseat. shorts following as quick as he can pull them off you, slick rubbing against the meat of your thighs so much that when you sit back down on his lap he can feel it through his jeans---the heat isn't just coming from the red glow of the motel sign almost vibrating with the words 'open 24/7'.

he presses your back across the wheel, one hand snaking up to your throat and the other dragging your panties to the side for him to peek and prod at in the dim light. with his seat leaned all the way back, he watches you like you're something out of the porn magazine chris jokingly nicked from the gas station earlier, shiny with sweat and something he can smell, desire reeking from every pore of your tired body. demigod aside, you're a fucking fever dream, a nasty thought that keeps luke hard at night until he can jack off when everyone finally goes to sleep in cabin 11. the only thing he'll be thanking the gods for is the fact that his brother left you two long enough for a quick fuck.

"luke, we're still dirty," you mumble, but he knows you couldn't care less, both of you covered in blood and grime and unable to know where he ends and you begin once his fly goes down and you sink onto him like a perfect mold. this is filthier---the feeling of your pussy clenching down on him tight with every thrust of your hips downwards like he'd ever want to leave this small slice of heaven.

"f-fuck, just like that...you're so tight f'me..."

you grab onto his curls to make him look at you in the dim lighting, dipping your fingers into his mouth as you rock your hips hard and he sucks on them like they're covered in nectar---sharp tongue and plump lips dancing around your digits despite the dirt under your nails but he's entranced by the way your eyes roll back once he starts fighting against your rhythm. it's not a competition but with every noise that spills from your lips as he pistons into your sopping warmth, he thinks he might be winning.

"so dirty baby... you're right... feels too good to stop though huh?" he grins at the sound of sticky skin slapping once he bucks his hips up faster. through the steamy windshield, he can see curtains rustling in the windows near where he parked the car. maybe it's the way the whole vehicle is shaking with the force of your hips, the headlights he accidentally turned back on when taking your clothes off, or maybe its the way you're screaming his name like you want someone to hear.

"oh, luke, i can't! slow down, people are gonna...see!"

you're holding onto his shoulders and peeking at his face through teary lashes and this motherfucker has his tongue between his lips smiling---mortals be damned. they can watch if they want, regardless he fucks into you like he means it. until you fall apart on his cock and there are red handprints on your hips from where he pulls you off of him, the both of you pulling at his cock with his hands over yours until hot streaks of cum paint your tummy to your tits.

there's a knock at the window. rolling the window down at eye level, luke makes eye contact with chris who looks at his brother with a knowing grin. you've thrown your head onto his shoulder in embarassment, sandwiching the multiple stains and fluids between your shaking bodies.

"shower's open. you guys were... occupied so i went ahead. you both need it," chris smirks, before sliding luke the extra key card.

and he's right. the both of you need a shower. good thing the next step after getting dirty is scrubbing each other clean, right?

[cillivnz]

more than what you bargained for [k. heisenberg]

PAIRING — KARL HEISENBERG x DIMITRESCU!READER

TROPE — DBF! [here, mother’s friend, no really close relation] WORD COUNT — 1163 (short and sweet)

WARNINGS — NSFW. 18+. fem!reader. loss of virginity, hefty age-gap (reader is in early 20s, Karl is in his 50s), daddy kink, innocence/corruption kink, cursing, pet-names (bunny, little girl, etc.), slight degradation, slightly mean!Karl, p! in v! sex, brief orgasm denial, dacryphilia, slight exhibitionism, overstimulation, clit-play, mention of blood, spiting, cum-play, inappropriate usage of stuffed toys!

A/N — requested! i wasn’t going to leave y’all hanging high n’ dry, nonetheless, but thank you, all! (💋 for u) no mention of Alcides [ gender-bent Lady Dimitrescu ], didn’t want to jinx the two verses, so Alcina is Alcina.

i’ve decided to write this as a mini-series, can absolutely be read as stand-alones, the title would be “cockuette”, inspired by the coquette-ish aesthetic of the series, hence the 🎀 on Karl!

NOTES [excuse inaccurate translations from romanian to english]

draga esti acolo : sweetie, are you there? da, mamă? : yes, mother? da, mamă. am doar febra : yes, mother. i just have a fever.

YOUR NIGHT HAD JUST begun.

spinning you around, you were manhandled into a vulgar, shameless position— with you face squished against your pink, cum-slick duvet, and your ass up and spread for the older man.

“such a pretty pussy, baby. you’re really givin’ this ol’ man a treat,” he spread your gushing hole with both his thumbs.

you felt his hot breath fanning over your clenching cunt, whimpering like a wounded animal at how painful the anticipation from the lack of contact made you feel.

“hurts, daddy—” you moaned, your subconscious choosing your words.

“—daddy, huh?” he cocked a brow.

you looked back with widened eyes, face flushed with embarrassment.

you gulped, taking in the scars painting his handsomely aged face.

why was he even more beautiful up close?

“sorry…” you bat your lashes, pussy twitching involuntarily around his thumbs, still stretching you wide for the cold air of your room.

“nah, bunny. ‘s nothing to be sorry for,” he let go of your round ass to pull you closer, cupping your face and kissing you gently.

you felt every crevice of the metal man’s lacerated face, his soft silver locs brushing against the apples of your cheeks, pale grey eyes staring lovingly into yours only after his plump lips parted from your kiss-swollen ones.

he flipped you around, girthy cock falling heavy on your clit almost immediately.

without another word, he pushed the tip inside you, making you gasp.

“K-Karl! holy fuck—” you whined, showing hostility towards the fat penetration.

“sh, daddy’s here.

i got you, pretty bunny.”

only stopping when your hips didn’t allow him to go further, he let you adjust for a brief moment, before starting at a slow pace.

“Karl, it’s too much— too full.” you winced, eyes watery with pain.

“you’ll get used to it, bun. it’s made for you.” he grunted, eyes half-lidded, relishing in the feel of your tight cunt squeezing along his length.

“look at me when i fuck you, miss,” he grabbed your chin firmly, forcing your eyes open. the hand that hadn’t got an ironclad grip on your hip snaked its way onto your clit, rubbing vigorously. “Mama really didn’t teach you manners, huh?” he continued, thrusts gaining brute force and speed.

“that’s okay, darling girl. daddy’s here to teach you lessons. this is one of many.”

he chuckled viciously, eyes glinting with mischievous malice that once again dominated his softer side.

by now you were a moaning mess, crying over the assault of his fat cockhead on your sweet spot, and over the bruises forming on your body from his relentless groping and squeezing, his way of marking you in your most private, sensitive areas.

a reminder that you had wronged Karl earlier, and now you weren’t going to forget.

he turned you around in the blink of an eye, your returned to your initial position with the same sense of degradation; face down, ass up.

now, Karl was not holding back. not when your velvet walls were letting him glide through you.

only the sound of skin-on-skin slapping was sound, until a curt knock was heard.

“draga esti acolo?” your mother’s deep voice echoed.

you were frozen in place, life flashing before your eyes while the man balls-deep inside you only slowed his movements.

you raise your head meekly to look back at Karl, only earning a sly smirk from him.

“da, mamă?” you croaked.

“i’m sorry for leaving you alone with that bastard for so long, i couldn’t have left without dealing with those pests.” she sighed, referring to the people Mother Miranda had ordered her to deal with, but the only thing you cared about right now was Karl’s reaction to the insult.

and knowing him, you knew he was going to take it out on you.

instantaneously, he began pounding into you with brutality, using your g-spot as a punching bag for the mean shaft inside you.

you bit down on the cotton sheets, letting your sharp teeth gnaw into the floral print.

“when did he leave?” your mother’s voice was heard again.

“ah- ab-about an h-hour ago!” you grunted the high-pitched response.

silence met you momentarily.

“are you okay, dragă?” she asked, concerned.

“da, mamă. am doar febra!” you groaned.

your mother cursed under her breath, “it’s my fault for keeping you up so late. i’ll send Pasha in with remedies,” was the last thing she said before her heavy footsteps grew distant.

you moaned a sigh of relief, while the man behind you only chuckled. “bastard, huh?” he mused, still stuck on your mother’s insult.

“bet she’d chew on her words when my seed coats her daughter’s womb.” he scoffed, increasing the force of his thrusts by tenfold.

“daddy!”

your eyes rolled back, his heavy balls slapping your sensitive clit with every thrust, his large palms slapping your fat ass cheeks; could this be—

“—MORE THAN WHAT YOU BARGAINED FOR, bunny?” his hand found your clit, pinching the bud.

he looked over to your side, amused by the sight of your childhood toy, a bunny you named ‘Mina’ staring at the filth unravelling in-front of it.

he grabbed the teddy, still thrusting in and out of you, “choke on this,” he squeezed your cheeks together, opening your mouth just enough to shove the teddy bunny’s arm inside.

your cries were muffled, Karl finally able to focus on chasing his high.

pinching your bundle of nerves, he pulled out completely, feeling you sobbing fully into your sheets at the orgasm denial, cunt convulsing around nothing— the perfect moment for him to shove his cock in whole (in hole, literally) and shoot his load into the pussy whose virginity he just stripped off.

he groaned in your ears, hoisting you up by the hair to kiss you with fervency.

“that’s how a good host treats their guests.” he bit down on your lip, earning sobs from your breathless self.

pulling out, he was eager to spread you open again and see the his cum drool out of you, and lo and behold— your puffy cunt oozed out traces of blood in both of your fluids mixed. Karl stretched you wider and spat right into your hole, causing you to flinch and clench.

he chuckled, pulling Mina the bunny away from your arms, and using its saliva-soaked arm to clean your folds.

you winced at the contact, but the softness felt so good.

“milady, Lady Dimitrescu has sent some soup— OH, GODS!” Pasha the chamberlain dropped the big bowl of remedies to the ground, and charged out the same door she barged in on seeing the princess naked as the day she was born, getting her wet cunt cleaned by the most dangerous of the Lords, holding a teddy bunny in all his glory, with that goddamn smirk plastered on his face.

poor Pasha deserves therapy as compensation for the shit she sees at Castle Dimitrescu.

pt. I. COCKUETTE MASTERLIST. more from ‘resident evil: village’. main masterlist.

[bloodibambiidoll]

“Fucking someone so good that they struggle to kiss you back.” w Eddie 🫡

18+MNDI!!

Eddie is sitting up against your headboard, propped up against your excessive amount of soft pillows while you straddle him. You’re riding him fast and hard, your hips are coming almost all the way up to the point that his cock almost leaves you before you’re slamming back down on him again and again. You’ve been fucking him like this for so long now he’s lost track of time. You ride him like your life depends on it, and when he’s just about to tip over the edge and spill inside of you, you stop your movements and simply cock warm him until his oncoming orgasm passes.

“Eddie, baby, kiss me.” Your voice comes out whiny and your breathing is erratic from the way you’re fucking yourself on his cock. You have your hands on his shoulders for leverage and your nails are digging into his skin, leaving little crescent moon shapes.

“Fucking shit, of course, sweet thing. Anything for you, especially when you’re fucking me like this.” Eddie takes your face in his hands, crashing his lips into yours in a desperate needy kiss. You slow your thrusts, letting your weight rest on him while you grind against him. He’s so deep inside you and the tip of his cock is rubbing against your g-stop just right. Every time you roll your hips forward your clit rubs against the corse hair at the base of his cock and it’s all just so good.

He swipes his tongue along your bottom lip and you immediately intertwine it with yours. The kiss is filthy, a mixture of both of your spit dripping down your chins. All tongues and teeth and bumping nose’s. You feel yourself getting close again, but you need more. So you start to pick up the pace again. Your start to slam down onto his cock with fever again, the sounds of your wet pussy and your hips slapping against his fill the room.

Eddie still has your face in his hands, and he’s trying his hardest to keep making out with you, he knows how much you love the feeling of his lips on yours when you tip over the edge. But you’re fucking him at such a brutal pace that his lips keep slipping against yours and your teeth keep clacking together. He pulls away from your lips, kissing the side of your mouth, your cheek, your jaw.

“Eddie, keep kissing me, please, I wanna kiss you.” You sound so desperate, and your thrusts are starting to become more sloppy, your pussy clenches around him and he can tell you’re close.

“Alright baby, I’m going to give you exactly what you want.” He smirks at you before he’s grabbing your thighs and flipping you over. His cock slips out momentarily but he wastes no time slamming back into you and fucking you just as hard as you were fucking him, if not harder.

He uses one hand to grab your thigh, hooking it around his hip. He brings his other hand up to your face, cupping your jaw and connecting his lips with yours. He kisses you as roughly as he’s fucking you, his tongue invading your mouth while he continues to rail into you with his cock.

The hand holding your thigh snakes between your bodies to find your clit, he runs circles on it with his thumb and it all just feels so perfect. He hits that perfect spot inside of you while his tongue dances with yours, and he’s applying the perfect amount of pressure to your sensitive needy clit. You feel your orgasm approaching like a tidal wave, and Eddie feels it too. The way you’re moans turn extra needy against his mouth, the way your pussy clenches around him, how hard you start to pull on the hair at the nape of his neck, are all telltale signs that you’re about to cum.

It only takes a few more thrusts and you’re tipping over the edge, the feeling sending him tumbling right after you. Eddie keeps kissing you while he fucks you both through your highs, his cum filling you in ropes.

“Fuuuuck baby, I love you.” He pulls his lips away from yours so he can look into your eyes, a soft smile on his face.

“I love you too Eddie, so much.” You cup his face in your hands, running your thumbs over his soft stubble covered cheeks.

“I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “My beautiful girl.” Kiss.

[frayaziwriter]

I'm A Spider - Wait, What?

Chapter 1

You weren’t sure what was happening.

One minute, you’re dying and the next you’re-

Actually, where are you? It feels like you’re in some sort of container.. You squirmed a bit, and the thing pushing against you on all sides rocked back and forth, but you couldn’t seem to break through. 

Huffing, you tried again. You felt something give way and pushed once more. 

Crack. Crack. CRACK.

You topple out of whatever container you were stuck in and land harshly on the hard rock below. What the hell?? Where-? Turning around, you catch sight of - is that an egg? Did you just come out of an egg?

What was going on??

You frantically glance around, your eyes searching for something you weren’t quite sure of what but were confident you’d know when you found it. And all you saw were similar eggs to the one you just climbed out of.

The hell??

A shadow loomed over you and you glanced up. Flinching back, you skittered back into the remnants of the silver egg. Above you stood a giant yellow spider. 

‘Holy fucking shit!’ You thought. Your feet moved instinctually and you found yourself skittering across the rocky ground away from the monster spider. ‘What the hell is that?!’

[Answer; an Arch Knight. Arch Knights are a type of spider monster. This one belongs to the Golden Spider Clan.]

‘What - what - what - what?’ You screeched as a golden egg beside you started cracking. Skidding to a stop, you watched dumbfounded as the golden egg broke apart to reveal - another giant yellow spider.

Even though they were roughly the same size as you, they were still bigger than you and it was terrifying.

The spider crawled out of its egg and met your eyes. A moment passed and then-

A loud screech stabbed your nonexistent eardrums.

You swore your soul left your body a second time. ‘Okay - what the fuck?! Why the hell am I surrounded by giant spiders?!’

[Answer; you are in a spider-hatching cave.]

‘Yes, I got that thank you, but why?! And what the frick are you?! Why are you in my head?!’ You jumped when more golden eggs around you started cracking. Out came more bright yellow spiders, and suddenly you were being bombarded on all sides by cries from unreasonably big baby spiders.

[Answer; I am your {Unique Skill; Chiron}.]

‘Okay.. That explains nothing. ‘Skill’? What are those? And why am I here?!’ You flinched when the Arch Jurogumo behind you suddenly dropped a giant snake-like corpse. All the spiders around you rushed towards it. Your stomach rumbled. 

[Notice; you are running low on energy. Suggestion; eat. The Arch Jurogumo delivered sustenance.]

‘So, you want me to go to the giant spider that may or may not eat me in the hopes of getting food? Do you want me dead?!’

[Suggestion; if you do not want to die, eat the Black Serpent.]

‘...I’m hallucinating. This is a fever dream my brain made up as I’m dying.’

[Notice; you have already died. You have been reborn as a Small Lesser Taratect.]

You froze. ‘...I’m a what..?’

[Answer; you have been reborn as-]

The world went dark.

[...Notice; starting {Auto Pilot}. Hijacking body in three...two...one. {Auto Pilot} is now on.] <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

When you woke up next, you were eating something and yet you weren’t in control of your body. 

‘What the fuck?!’

[Notice; you had fainted due to low energy levels and high shock levels. {Auto Pilot} had been activated for safety.]

‘You can hijack my body whenever you want?!’ You thought as you gobbled up another bite of food. ‘That’s creepy!’

[Notice; you were going to die. Deactivate {Auto Pilot} now that you are safe from dying?]

‘Yes, please!’ And suddenly your body was yours once again. You peeled yourself away from the food and shook your new body. You were full now, so you backed up from the Arch Knight and - shit, that is a really big snake. You eyed it one last time before turning tail and making your way to what you assumed was a stream of clear water.

It was coming from some sort of crack in a wall and was pooling into a hole. You studied it for a moment. The hole was smooth at the edges, showing that it’s been smoothed down by the water for years upon years. Eying the cracks in the wall showed the same smooth edges as the pool.

The water itself looked clean, but... There was always that lingering doubt in the back of your head. ‘Is this even safe to drink?’

[Answer; yes.]

‘...Oh. Thanks?’ 

Reaching a leg down, you poked the water’s edge. Ripples spread out from your touch and you watched, transfixed, as the image of your new body came into focus.

‘So.. I really am a spider.. Heh, this is so weird.’

It was..a bit jarring to see a pure white spider with eight red eyes staring back at you instead of your old human face. Actually, scratch that. It was downright unsettling! There was still a part of your brain convinced this was a fever dream, but..the more time you spend in this cave, the more you realize that it wasn’t a fantasy your brain made up to soothe you in your dying moments. 

This was real. 

And you had no idea how to handle it.

You decided to deal with this later. So, you dipped your leg into the pool and cleaned the droplets off of the spiky fuzz on your pointy leg. ‘Now that I have a clear head.. How the hell can I eat regularly? Spiders don’t have the same kind of digestive system as humans! Does this mean spider monsters in this world aren’t actually spiders?’ Then, you paused. ‘I just realized.. I’m the only spider here that’s white.. And everyone else has a different body shape, too! I wonder why..’

[Answer; you are the first and only Jorogomo of your clan. Congratulations.]

‘Huh. Thanks.’ You paused and turned back to your reflection. ‘Hey, you mentioned earlier a ‘yellow clan’. What’s that about?’

[The Golden Spider Clan is the fourth spider monster race to appear. They belong to the monster species “Jorogomo”, commonly known as “Giant Spiders”. There are currently three older clans before the Golden Clan; Obsidian, Bronze, and Ruby.]

‘Does that mean...I’m clanless? I’m a different color than everyone here..’

[Answer; you are the first of your race. Congratulations.]

You huffed. ‘So, I’m currently clanless.’

[Answer; correct.]

Moving away from the pool of water, you face your siblings. (Were they actually your siblings? You knew regular spiders can have hundreds of children at once, but your new form isn’t exactly just like a spider..) ‘Nice to know. So, uh.. Why do they look different?’

[Answer; the Golden Clan are known as the warriors of the Jorogomo species. They have evolved for battle.]

‘I..see. This implies that Jorogomo races have separate abilities, correct?’ You clicked your chelicerae together. ‘Since the Golden Clan are the ‘warriors’?’

[Answer; correct. Would you like to learn the other races’ purpose?]

Humming, you shake yourself in a quasi-shrug. ‘Sure, why not? Should come in handy later.’

[The Obsidian Clan are known to the surface world as “Black Spiders”. They are the oldest clan of the Jorogomo species. Their purpose is espionage and planning. The Bronze Clan is the second oldest. They are the species’ builders and have carved out the underground colony the species lives in today. The Ruby Clan are the medics and farmers. They provide sustenance and medicine for the species. You already know the Golden Clan’s purpose, and your clan’s purpose is currently unknown.]

You would sigh if you could. ‘Because I’m the first.. Got it. Okay. Um, thanks! Now, do you have any suggestions on leaving this place?’

[Notice; it is not recommended for a Small Lesser Taratect to travel outside of a hatching cave. Especially one belonging to the Golden Clan.]

The chelicerae clicked again. You eyed the hulking form of the Arch Knight just...staring out over the sea of golden spiders. What was up with it? ‘How come?’

Just then, a spider hatchling near you shrieked. You turned around just in time to see it pouncing on another hatchling. The two spiderlings screeched and clawed at each other, and soon a few more spiders got caught in the fight. You shrank back as more and more hatchlings joined in, and then you found yourself skirting around individual fights to find safety.

[Answer; the Golden Clan is prone to fighting each other, especially in the first few stages of evolution. Golden Spiders live by the rule of, “Survival of the fittest.”]

‘Oh great!’ You think frantically while you skitter around pouncing spiderlings and flying claws. ‘I just had to be born in the most belligerent family ever!’ You swiftly found a rock column and climbed it. 

Turning back once you deemed yourself high enough, you watched as all hell broke loose down below. You shuddered. ‘Glad I escaped that..’

“Damn, it started already? Not even an hour into life and they’re already fighting! Nice!” You jumped at the sudden voice echoing through the large cavern and glanced up at the Arch Knight. That was the first spoken voice you’ve heard since you died! It took you a few moments, but you eventually managed to spot the speaker.

And once your eyes landed on her, you double-take. What the hell? What’s a girl doing here?!’

Standing right next to the Arch Jurogumo was a girl with beautiful golden hair. She was decked out in full armor and a weapon was held tightly in her hands. Her red eyes flitted across the sea of fighting baby spiders and a grin spread across her face. You estimated her physical age to be around mid-teens, but something told you that her looks were deceiving. (She looked so...unassuming. Like the kind of person who rarely got angry.)

[Notice; that is not a girl.]

‘Then..who is she? What is she?’

[Answer; that is the Golden Queen Spider.]

Holy shit, the queen was a human?! Wait.. queen? Like a queen bee?

[Notice; the Queen Spiders are the leaders and mothers of the clans. They are not human.]

Oh. But, she looked so..human-like. 

“Hey, hey,” The queen patted one of the left forelegs of the Arch Knight impatiently, “You said you had something to show me? What is it?”

The giant spider turned to look up at you before raising its first right foreleg to point at you. You felt your heart skip a beat. (Wait, do you even have a heart anymore? Does it even pump blood like human hearts?!) The queen followed its leg and her red eyes were suddenly on you.

‘Oh, shit-’

An even bigger grin stretched her face while her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. She raised her weapon (which you belatedly realized looked a lot like a spear) and slammed the butt of it down on the rocky ground. The sound echoed around the cavern, and all fighting ceased.

You clung harder to your little pillar. ‘I’m about to die, aren’t I?’

“HEY! WHITE SPIDER!” She screeched and pointed the tip of her weapon at you. (That wasn’t a spear.. What was it? An ax? No..) “GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE!”

‘Oh, hell nah. I’m staying here, thank you very much.’

“DON’T MAKE ME COME UP THERE, YOU FUCKER!”

You cowered and skittered back up the pillar. ‘Why is she so scary?! She looks so nice! It should be illegal!’

[Answer; the Golden Clan are warriors who abide by-]

‘I know why she’s so aggressive, it’s just that her looks are completely throwing me off!’ You huddle in a nook high up the pillar. You could hear the queen seething down below and snuggled deeper within the hidey-hole.

“DON’T YOU-! OH, FUCK YOU! YOU BETTER COME DOWN HERE BEFORE I COUNT TO THREE, DAMMIT! ONE!”

Can she even get up here? You have a suspicion that she can in fact get up to you.

“TWO!”

..On second thought, maybe it’s not wise to piss off a warrior queen.. Especially when she has an army of children right below you..

“THREE! ALRIGHT, YOU ASKED FOR IT, BITCH!” And silence. And more silence. 

..Huh. Maybe she wasn’t coming-

“MOTHERFUCKER GET OUT HERE!” Oh shit, there she is! The queen grabbed ahold of your foreleg before dragging you out of your hidey-hole. You screeched and squirmed in her hold, trying desperately to wriggle your way out of her grip, but surprisingly she was strong. (You hated it.)

“Oh, come on,” She huffed as she glared down at you, holding you up with just one hand. If you could cry, you would be doing so right about now, “Even those weak fucks down there can put up a better fight than that. Where’s your fighting spirit?!”

You glanced down and shrieked even louder. She was floating?? Queen Spiders can do that??

[Notice; all Queen Spiders have the {Skill; Thread Manipulation}. They can use strings to manipulate objects, including people.]

‘S-So, this is just her being held up by strings?’ A glint caught your eye, and you peered closer to see a mass of thin strings just under the queen’s feet. ‘O-Oh. Fun. W-What’ll happen if she drops me? Will I go splat, or..?’

Silence. ‘C-Chiron? Hello?’

Still silence. ‘Dammit, Chiron! Don’t leave me here to die!’

“Alright, you tiny little maggot,” The queen glowered at you, “You’re coming with me. Don’t even think about running!”

‘I’d rather not go anywhere with you-!’

And then she carted you off to...somewhere. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

The caverns were quiet when she forced you out of the hatching cave. Not a single other spider was in sight - well, besides her guard spiders. They looked similar to the Arch Knight but smaller. Does that mean they were of a different rank or something?

[Answer; they are Knight Spiders. They are the highest evolution male spiders can achieve while female spiders can achieve the evolution rank Arch Knight. Due to this, they are primarily male spiders.]

Ah. Okay. You trill softly as you skitter along nervously by the Queen’s heels. ‘This is starting to sound more and more like an RPG mixed with regular nature. Back home, male spiders were normally smaller than females.’ At this, you paused. ‘Hey, does that mean that Arch Knight is technically my mother?’

[Answer; Arch Knights and Queen Spiders are the only ones capable of reproducing. Arch Knights are also in charge of child-rearing. They do this through a nest rotation.]

‘So, that’s a maybe. Got it.’

“Damn, you are one stubborn bitch, aren’t you?” The Yellow Queen huffed as she crossed her arms over her armored chest. You angrily clicked your chelicerae at her. ‘Don’t insult me when I can’t insult you back!’ She smirked, pausing to drop into a squat beside you. You flinched back as she examined you. “There you go! Now that’s the kind of fire befitting of the Golden Clan! You really did come from one of my offspring, huh?”

Then she popped back up and continued to stroll leisurely with her weapon laid across her shoulders. “Anyways. We should hurry it up; the caverns will be crawling with my kin soon, and we don’t wanna keep Blackie waiting! She’s a certain type of angry that scares even me!”

‘If this Blackie person scares this monster of a girl, then how strong is she?!’ You quivered. Suddenly, you really don’t want to continue following her..

“HEY!” You flinched at the fierce glare she sent over her shoulder. “HURRY IT UP, HALF-PINT! WE DON’T HAVE ALL DAY!” You skittered after her with a small shriek. Seemingly satisfied, she turned back around and hummed. “You know, despite how annoying you are, I kinda can’t wait to see what you’ll accomplish!”

You hissed, and she laughed at your obvious indignation. ‘How rude! I’m not annoying!’ The Queen turned around and walked backward, sending a feral grin at you. Your hissing cut off and you shrank back from her.

The spider-girl heaved a heavy sigh and grumbled. “Now I’m starting to wonder how you ever came from my clan. You’re feisty, but you’re so-so-so... timid! It’s mind-boggling.” 

Huffing, you stomped after her. ‘She’s so rude..’

“So, might as well get this out of the way now!” She exclaims, turning the corner. You glance down the other way. Nothing but more tunnels. How are you ever going to navigate this place?! “Welcome to the Colony. The land of the Jorogomos! There are currently four clans watching over it - ah, fuck!”

You jumped at her sudden shout and she turned to glare down at you. “You’ll end up making us fuck with the maps! We just got everything established, why’d you come now of all times?!”

(You had no idea what she was blabbering about, nor do you want to know. ‘She’s so scary..’)

“Anyways, four clans were watching over it. We’ll need to adjust some things, again. Dammit.” Why the hell was she glaring at you?! You didn’t do anything but hatch! “We Golden Spiders are in the far west. Our job is to keep that fucking Church in line.” Church? What church? Is it like the Catholic church? “The Obsidian Clan is found in the southwest, our closest neighbors. The Rubies are in the southeast. And then the Bronze fuckers are all the way to the northeast. Don’t know how the hell they haven’t been caught yet by the surface dwellers..”

You glanced around you as your little group trudged through the tunnels. ‘Surface dwellers, rock tunnels.. Are we seriously underground?! Ugh, I hate that! I wanna be outside!’

“But,” The Queen continued, “Keeping the Church out isn’t all we Golden Spiders do. The full picture is to protect the Colony from all threats. Obsidians are the info-gatherers and strategists, Bronze are the architectures and archivists, and Rubies are healers and farmers.” Do you have to sit through this? Chiron already explained all this to you.. “Your clan will be in charge of something else once it grows. Who knows what it’ll be; I for one thought we had all we needed. Apparently not.”

‘Right.. Each clan has a different ability..’ You look away from the Queen. ‘So, what’s mine?’

[Notice; I cannot give you that answer.]

If you could sigh, you would be doing so. ‘So this is something I need to find out for myself.. Yay.. Cue the stereotypical inspiring speech from an elder or something-’

“Hey, what’s taking so long?!” The Yellow Queen snapped at you. “Don’t make come over there! We’re already behind schedule!”

You squealed and ran after her. ‘So scary!’ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

It was an hour or two after you had left the care of the Golden Clan, and boredom was numbing your mind. Your two escorts were eerily quiet and you still haven’t figured out how to use that Thought Communication ability.

‘Hey, Chiron? What’s the evolution tree look like for Jorogomos?’

[Answer; Small Lesser Taratect, Lesser Taratect, Medium Taratect, Greater Taratect, Knight Spider, then Arch Knight. The Small Lesser Taratect stage is the shortest one.]

You looked up at the Knights before you. ‘How do I evolve then?’

[Answer; monsters normally evolve when taking in enough magicules. Most monsters are unable to evolve without the process of Naming, but some species can do so by consuming other beings with enough magicules.]

‘I’m assuming the Jorogomos is one of these few?’

[Answer; correct.]

Nodding, you tune back into reality. ‘I see.’

The earth was vibrating a little.

A thought hit you and you almost gasped. ‘Hey Chiron, did the Gold Queen have bigger eyes than normal humans?’

[Answer; correct.]

‘Her mouth was also looking a bit weird.. Huh. This is a prime example of the uncanny valley, and yet I’m not disturbed by it. That’s so weird.. Is it because I became a spider?’

Rumbling cut into your thoughts and you perked up. ‘What’s that?’ Your little group of three marched onwards, toward whatever was making that rumbling noise. Soon, you started to see other Knight Spiders crawling along the tunnel walls. You stared up at them as you moved along.

And then you came upon a problem.

Turns out giant spiders are kinda bad at keeping track of tiny spiders like you. Maybe that’s why you weren’t allowed to leave the hatching cave before the Queen kidnapped you.

(..Spidernapped? Oh well.)

Nothing had prepared you for the absolute chaos that was the intersections in this underground society.

‘Can I get through this mob?’ You thought to yourself as you stared out at the moving crowds of spiders much, much bigger than yourself. You flinched each time a sharp leg stepped too close to your body. Spiders moved every which way; up, down, sideways, forwards, and backward. It was hard to keep up with all the legs scrambling everywhere. ‘Is this where I die a second time?’ 

Chiron was suspiciously quiet. You couldn’t help but shrink in on yourself. Even the one thing meant to help you doesn’t believe in you..that stings..

‘Oh well. If I die, I die. I already dealt with dying once, I can do it again!’

And with that, you scrambled after who you thought were your escorts. 

You jumped through gaps between the legs and scuttled under giant bodies as quickly as you could move. Turns out smaller spiders are actually really fucking fast. You ended up scaring yourself on more than one occasion with your speed.

‘God, I hate this. Where’re my escorts?!’

You thought you spotted them turning onto a side tunnel and scurried after them. ‘Wait for me!’ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Turns out you didn’t see them go this way.

It was a couple of hours after what you have decided to deem the “Intersection Nightmare” when you stopped.

Your escorts were nowhere in sight, and you’re pretty sure you stopped seeing other spiders about an hour ago. Chiron was unhelpful in locating the giant Knights, and all the tunnels looked the same. So you supposed it was time to face the music. 

Falling to your stomach, you grunted. You’re completely and irrevocably lost. Maybe you should have known better than to think you’d be fine navigating a maze when you’ve never done so before.. Guess you’re still a little bit human, huh? That’s comforting to know.

‘Chiron, I’m lost, aren’t I?’

[Notice; the probability of being lost is 99%. Suggestion; find a safe place and wait it out.]

‘That’s a good idea, but...’

A grumbling sound rumbled from your stomach, and you whined. ‘How long will finding me take?! There were at least a hundred different tunnels back there and I can still see so many down here! And I’m hungry!’

[Notice; there are around a thousand individual tunnels in the Black Spider section of the Colony.]

You stick a claw in the air and glare up at the ceiling. ‘That just proves my point! They’ll take forever to find me! God, where even am I?’

[Answer; you are in an abandoned section of the Obsidian Spider section of the Colony.]

‘Oh?’ You perked up and rolled onto your back. ‘Why was it abandoned?’

[Answer; humans sealed the Storm Dragon, Veldora, 300 years ago in this section of the caves. The Obsidian Spiders abandoned it to avoid detection by the humans. It is now known as the Sealed Cave.]

‘Huh.’

An echoing screech from down the tunnels caught your attention, and you worriedly got to your feet. ‘Hey, uh, Chiron? Is there anything else that lives in the Sealed Cave?’

[Answer; yes. It is home to several different monsters.]

‘And what exactly are they?’

[Answer; not including Obsidian Spiders, there are Monstrous Centipedes, Giant Bats, Black Serpents, and Armorsauruses.]

You skittered back as the screeching got louder. ‘And..how big are they?’

[Answer; bigger than you.]

‘That’s so descriptive, Chiron, thanks.’ You huffed.

[Answer; you’re welcome.]

...If Chiron was an actual tangible being, you would have tried to strangle it. (It’s a really good thing that it isn’t, otherwise, you would have probably died in the near future.)

‘So, what’s coming my way? And can I beat it?’

[Answer; a horde of Giant Bats. There is a high probability of your death if you face them as you are now. Suggestion; run and hide.]

You took one moment to settle your nerves before turning down a random tunnel and booking it. ‘Run and hide. Right. Tiny legs, don’t fail me now!’ <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

Growwwl.

‘God, I’m hungry..’ You whined as you sluggishly made your way down another tunnel. You had managed to outrun the Giant Bats and were now looking for a place to lie low for a bit. ‘Ugh, what I wouldn’t give for a nice, juicy steak right about now... Hey, Chiron? How long has it been since I got lost?’

[Answer; 7 hours.]

Your legs almost buckled underneath you, but you somehow managed to keep your footing. ‘..And how long has it been since I last ate?’

[Answer; 15 hours. Notice; energy levels are low. Suggestion; eat.]

And then your legs fell out from under you once more. You groaned. ‘But what am I supposed to eat if there’s nothing here?!’

[Notice; there is a nest of Monstrous Centipede hatchlings nearby. Suggestion; eat.]

You paused. ‘You want me to eat a giant bug? Something that was considered a pest and not to eat back home?’

Chiron was completely silent at this, and you let out a sigh before getting to your feet. ‘Fine, fine. I’ll go eat the baby monster bugs. How far-?’

[Would you like to use the {Skill; Spider’s Sense}?]

You tilted your head. ‘I have a skill? And it’s called Spider’s Sense?’

[Answer; correct. It provides a mental map of sorts of a certain radius in an area. Use the {Skill; Spider’s Sense}?]

Sighing, you shrugged. ‘If it’s gonna help me find that nest, then go for it.’

Suddenly, you could feel everything. You flinched ‘What the.. Is this-?’ 

Every movement, every crack or crevice in the walls around you, even the tiniest particles in the air were suddenly just - there! It was like you were that one character from Demon Slayer! It was so cool! (It was also a bit overwhelming..)

You snapped out of your awe at another painful grumble of your stomach and skittered down a tunnel and then up the wall. It led you to a spacious cavern, not unlike the ones you saw back in the Colony.

In the center of the cavern was a pit. Crawling closer, you could see a mass of long, wriggling centipedes crawling about. The closest one was about five meters long. 

‘Holy shit. And these are babies?! They’re bigger than me!’

[Notice; Monstrous Centipedes have the {Skill; Paralyzing Breath}. Suggestion; tread lightly.]

You shivered. ‘Duly noted. Thanks. Question; do they have more than one brain or heart?’

[Answer; no.]

Your forelegs, which were already sharp claws, glinted in the light when you readied them. ‘Good to know. Thanks!’

And then you drove a claw through the head of one centipede nearby. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><

[Notice; evolution requirements met. You are now evolving into a Lesser Taratect. Congratulations. Suggestion; find a safe place.]

You jumped at the sudden notification, dropping the half-eaten bug on the rocky ground. ‘Wh-Wha?! Evolution?! Already?!’

It was only a day after you had become lost. You were still working on a little home nearby. Would it be safe enough-? You shook yourself and double-timed it. ‘It’ll have to be! Chiron, what’ll happen during evolution?!’

You spotted your new hidey-hole nearby.

[Answer; you will automatically fall into slumber. Notice; evolution will commence soon.]

‘Shit! That means I’ll be vulnerable! Hold on, I’m almost there!’

You ended up tripping and rolling into your hole. Slamming into the walls, you groaned.

[Notice; evolution will now commence.]

The world was engulfed in black as your stomach rolled with nausea. 

[Congratulations on your evolution to Lesser Taratect. Notice; you have gained new skills.]

notes: and this is the first chapter of this fic! hope you enjoyed! stay safe, and please remember that you're all AWESOME! XP

[fawnnpaws]

i’m sick rn☹️ so thoughts of whimpering and crying gasping for air when puppy art comes to get some love from mommy but she’s not feeling good and he’s scared for her so he runs and gets daddy as fast as he can :((( need patrick and puppy art to take care of me!!

omg i hope ur feeling better bby <///33

art so deep in his puppyspace he doesn’t fully register what’s happening, just that his mommy is all stuffy nosed and can barely talk. your body aches and you wince when he initially pounces on you, which makes him reel backwards with wide scared eyes that immediately well up with tears. he’s so scared he hurt you, he noses at your hand and lets out a pitiful, guilty whimper.

“baby, baby, it’s okay.” you tell him, lifting your hand to run your fingers through his curls. “mommy’s just not feeling well.”

a whine leaves the back of his throat and he resists melting into the feeling of your hand in his hair in favor of leaping off the bed and going to get patrick. daddy will know what to do, he thinks.

aauurrr the two of them coming back and taking such good care of you. patrick holds you with your back to his chest, groping your tits (he can’t help it), massaging your shoulders, running his hands up and down your arms. meanwhile, art is under the covers with his mouth on your pussy, lapping at you with the flat of his tongue and suckling on your clit. its so easy for him to get lost in it, the only thing on his mind is making mommy feel better. he fucks his tongue inside of you, wants to desperately to taste you and make you cum. he knows you like that, that would make mommy feel better!! patrick is murmuring in your ear about how cute you are like this, so helpless under daddy and your puppy. he’s already snaked his hands up your shirt so he can play with your nipples, pinching and rubbing them until you’re arching your back and crying out - the combined stimulation sending you over the edge with a gush of wetness that art laps up eagerly. you’re shivering, partly from the fever and partly from the intense orgasm your boys just ripped out of you. patrick lays you down and settles on one side of you while art settles on the other, both cuddling you so close to make sure you’re cozy and warm.

and if your puppy humps your leg while you’re sleeping…… that’s nobody’s business but his own <33

[boredzillenial]

Sick-fic Drabble

Themes: just some sick times fluff (def not a draft that’s been sitting too long), Marc taking care of reader, reader gender not specified

A.N: couldn’t find a gif I wanted to use so stole this from @my-secret-shame 😅, feelin in my flop era pls be patient 🥺

Sleep came in waves the last couple of days, fevers came and broke and came again. Inconclusive tests at the clinic had frustratingly sent you home with a “rest and drink lots of water” prescription. Finally you took your health in your own hands and decided if a prescription wasn’t an option then you’d hibernate through whatever the fuck this was while the boys were away.

You’d found a strong dose of over the counter meds to help you sleep, though exhaustion had you flopping onto the recliner before you could make it it to bed. The last thing you remembered was the pile of tissues in the tiny trash can beside you, the cold half eaten soup and the room temp pedialyte you failed to choke down. Finally, sweet dark relief washed through you as you lost consciousness. The sound of your favorite series a distant murmur in your congested ears.

Warmth surrounded you as you shift, and something snaked around you, arms? You feel heavy as you lean against a firm chest. Your eyes open for a moment to see Steven’s blurry face turn stern.

“Stevenstopit.” You groan. “ ‘m fine. Putme down.” You fidget a bit but the heaviness wrapped around you held you firm. A blanket? “Steve-“

“Not Steven. How long have you been like this.” His soft but short clipped tone furrows your brows as you try to focus on his face.

The slight downturn of his mouth, the lack of a snarky comment, “Marc?”

“Come on, how long?” He sets you down on the bed and presses his hand across your forehead.

“Since Monday?” You groan.

“Fucksake it’s Thursday baby, why didn’t you call me.” He gently brushed your mess of hair out of your face.

“Thought missions were important.” You rub your eyes and look up at him. As he came into focus you can finally see the full array of concern etched across his features.

“Not more important than you.” He sighs, “come on sit up. I could smell you when I walked in.” He pulls your wrinkled shirt over your head and tucks you back under the blanket.

You give him a halfhearted glare as a cough wracks your sore throat.

“You don’t have to do this. I can take care of myself.” Your grumble turns more into a croak as he pulls your bottoms off and tucks you back into bed.

He pauses, looks around the messy flat, then pins you with a raised brow and a smirk. “Yeah?”

You pull the blanket up to your chin and turn, “yeah…” you snuffle.

“Alright, I guess I just *won’t* run a bath then.” He shrugs and turns.

“Wait-“ you croak and tug on his hand. “Please I…” your scratchy throat didn’t make it any easier to swallow the last shred of pride you clung to. “That sounds nice…”

“No more sass?” His brow lowers but he looks to be fighting back a smirk.

“F-fine…” you nod and let go of his hand as you sniffle.

His lips quickly met your forehead before he went off to the bathroom. For a moment you worried about transmitting whatever you had to him till you remember Khonshu’s “gift” makes him not only heal fast and give him strength and speed. But it also means he never falls ill when the normal bugs everyone catches arrive in the spring and fall. “Must be nice.” You grumble as another bout of coughing shakes you.

“Say something?” He calls from the bathroom, his voice rising above the noise of the water.

“N-o.” You cough and roll your eyes. Sickness for days has stripped you of most patience and humor.

Time seemed to slow for the next hour or so as you fought to stay awake. The comfort of the mattress, the warmth of the blanket, Marc’s soft voice as he encourages you to stand and helps you to the bath. The heat from the water sank into your aching body as you settle in.

As the water cooled Marc lifts you from the tub, shivering and wet. “Just hang on-“ he wrapped your arms around his neck as he grabs his robe and draped it over your shoulders “- good enough come on.”

By the time you made it back to bed your teeth were chattering and body aching again. “T-thank you-“ you murmur, not looking forward to the cold sheets.

“Scoot, all the way-“ he encouraged softly before slipping in beside you and tugging you to his chest. Warmth radiated from him and sank into your feverish skin. “I’m not leavin’ till you feel better, promise-“ his voice rumbled in his chest as you laid against it.

Though doting wasn’t his strong suit, Marc stayed true to his word. Quietly one step ahead of your needs til the sickness left your body and you could show him just how grateful you were for it.

————-

Taglist: @melodygatesauthor @ominoose @romana-after-dark @lunar-ghoulie @flowercrownonapegion @howellatme @mooksmouse @ahookedheroespureheart @beezusvreeland @auntiegigi @moonkxight-blog @faretheeoscar @queerponcho @for-a-longlongtime @silvernight-m @ierofrnkk @ingoldthewizard

[gojoscloset]

Slight NSFW

Thinking about writing full pieces of things boys do that make me feral but with JJK!?? Like Oh nothing, just mundane things the JJK Boys do that give you baby fever

Like Choso and the fake phone

Choso picked up the plastic phone that was handed to him and placed it to his ear. You watched him crouch to the height of the child who handed the phone to him and he proceeded to have a fake conversation.

“Hello? No I’m not busy…”

he spoke pretending to look around as he did, making the child laugh and clap his hands in joy. You couldn’t help but watch and look at him like he just grew another head. Your usual nonchalant, aloof boyfriend was now crouched down, making a random child burst into laughter with whatever he was saying to him.

Choso handed the phone back to the child and he ran back to his parents who called for him not long after. He waved at Choso and Choso waved back, giving him a small smile and a nod at the parents. He turned to you, expression slowly going back to his normal bored one.

“What….?” He questioned, you hadn’t said a word throughout his entire interaction. But how could you when all you wanted to do was have him take you home and breed you back to back to back until the two of you had a football team of kids running around the house.

“Nothing… but I need to talk to you when we get to the car”

Or Like Satoru and the teacup

You and Satoru were waiting in line at the checkout when a small girl in front of both of you reached out her tiny hand holding an even tinier teacup towards Satoru.

“Would you like some?” She asked softly that you almost couldn’t hear her, but Satoru did and immediately he perked up “I would love some!” He grabbed the cup, it looked so small in his large hand you had to stop yourself from laughing.

She ‘poured’ into the cup and Satoru dramatically slurped and sipped followed by a dramatic ‘Ahhh’

“Yummm, that was delicious!” He looked down at the Girl and bent over some, holding the cup near the tea pot. “May I have some more Please?”

Your ovaries could explode at the sight.

She giggled and nodded while proceeding to pour him another cup, again he sipped and thanked her for the tea. The girl's mother who was on the phone, oblivious to it all up until now, called her. Satoru returned the

Cup and wiped his mouth to rid his lips of the ‘tea’.

“Thanks for the tea!” He waved happily and turned to you, you were unknowingly giving him bedroom eyes.

“Ahhh I know that look.” He snaked his arm around your waist and placed a kiss on your temple.

“Well talk about it when we get home” he whispered and gently squeezed your hip.

——-

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It’s ovulation time as you can see

I’m thinking about turning these into actually pieces as well with Heavy Smut implications *wink wonk*

But I have a lot of unfinished stuff to work on !

Idk what to do LOLOLOL )^:

[ddejavvu]

Beefy boy James Potter with his girl who just all of a sudden starts avoiding sex. She’s going through a very serious bout of baby fever and she knows she’ll do a quick “wrap my legs around his thighs” if he so much as looks like he’ll cum in her. Like, she sees a cute baby vid on tiktok and she glances at him and gets all shifty before exiting the room. He tries to initiate, and she’s more sensitive than usual, by a lot, but then she flusters and just pulls away and he’s so confused.

this post is 18+, minors dni.

It's always excruciatingly difficult to pull away from James's muscled arms. When they're snaking up your pillow, framing your head to give him leverage on his elbows, making it easier for him to shift himself over you and grind his hips down onto your own.

"Wait," You mumble, words muffled by the kiss James has planted on your lips. You turn your head, his spit-slicked lips smearing over your cheek instead as you push at his hips, "Not- not tonight, Jamie. M'sorry, I'm tired."

"Oh," He backs off, now laying on his side facing you, "Alright, love. That's okay. Sorry."

"It's alright," You give him a breathless smile, detecting a hint of worry behind his eyes that you wish wasn't there, "Just had a long day."

"Mhm," He nods, watching you settle onto your pillow, "I bet, love. Baby was fussy today?"

Your mind rapidly flashes back to settling the infant against your chest, your little niece that you'd been tasked with babysitting for the week. Something so divinely pure had washed over you as the little girl had snuggled up to your shoulder, a big yawn stretching her tiny face and eliciting a gurgle from her throat. When you'd set her down in her crib for a nap you'd felt empty, the ghostly sensation of her pressed against you still lingering in your chest, dragging your heart down.

Babysitting was fantastic, but it left you reeling in terms of your aspirations. All of a sudden you wanted to pop one of those suckers out yourself, nestle into a nuclear family with James that consisted of scallop-cut PB&J's packed into school lunches with lovey notes from mum.

"Hell-ooo," James croons, stroking a large finger against the side of your face, "You in there? I asked if the baby was fussy."

"Oh," You eye his finger warily, tightening your thighs beneath the covers at his touch. You struggle to bring yourself back to the moment, stammering, "Yeah. She fell asleep early, though."

"Nice," James hums, doubt clouding his tone. "Sweetheart, are you alright?"

"Hm?"

"You seem distant," He observes, "Sort of far away."

"Sorry," You breathe, wrapping your arms tighter around yourself, "I- I just.. I've been thinking."

If James is concerned, he tries not to show it. He eases out the muscles in his jaw, nodding encouragingly, "Yeah?"

"Did you want to... I mean- would you ever think about... having kids of our own?"

His eyes widen, not roughly in shock, but dazedly, languidly, "You want to- to have babies? With me? Like- like a family?"

"Yeah," You nod, "Like a family."

"I- I mean," James flounders, blinking hazily, "Are you joking? I'd love to start a family with you. Seriously, I mean, I've thought about it forever, 'just didn't wanna scare you on the first date asking whether you'd want yellow or red for the nursery."

You let out an incredulous laugh, one that eases tension out of your shoulders in waves of giddiness, "Really? You'd want that with me?"

"Darling," He leans forwards to kiss you, firm but chaste - for now - "Why do you think I always linger in the baby clothes section in stores? You really want this?"

"Yes!" You laugh breathlessly, letting him lift himself over you once more, this time in a hug, "Yes, James! I want this, let's- let's have a baby."

Your eyes shine with excitement and his do the same when he pulls back from the crushing hug he'd trapped you in. He holds your hips, "Now?" and you nod vigorously.

"I was afraid I wouldn't let you pull out," You admit breathily, excitement billowing in your belly when James's curls tickle your skin, his lips trailing along your neck, "I thought I'd just cling to you or something, 'didn't want to baby trap you."

"Sweetheart," James laughs sympathetically, hips putting a steady pressure on your own as he kisses up your chin to your lips, "Think I might'a cum double if you'd done that."

"Then I'll do it now," You pant, thighs parting to wrap around James's waist as he slowly grinds his bulge over your panties, "C'mon Jamie, 'need you now."

"Easy," The man hums, sucking gently at a spot on your neck that makes your hips buck, "We're not fucking, we're making love. We're going slow tonight, darling, gonna savor every inch of you."

[whiskeyghoul]

Hi!! I have huge baby fever rn (mainly for Spencer) and was wondering if you would do dad!Spencer or spencer x pregnant reader, just fluff bc I love Reid. Feel free to ignore it you don't want to :)

The playground || [dad!Spencer Reid x f!reader]

A/N: Thanks for the request. Spencer would be an amazing dad so this was fun to write. Though also a bit of a challenge. I hope you enjoy it. Also look at me adding more pictures. Doing the most out here.

Tags: fluff, pregnancy mention, dad Spencer, reader has a daughter, using children to trap your significant other, no y/n.

Word count: 1.2K

It was early spring as you sat on the park bench. Still wrapped up in many layers of clothing to keep warm in the chill of the afternoon. The sun shone with a warm glow, making the exposed skin of your face heat up ever so slightly. A sigh of content escaped your lips as your eyes fell closed for a second. Enjoying the calmness of the moment that was joyfully interrupted by high pitched laughter that was practically music to your ears. Blinking your eyes open they landed on the little, 4 year old girl who was running around the playground structure being chased by the man you called yours. It had been your idea to head out that day to the park and enjoy the first rays of the spring sun. There had also been something keeping you busy. Spending time outside always makes you calm again.

Spencer was slightly bent down, trying to catch your little girl in a game of what seemed to be tag. A smile split your face as you watched his hair get ruffled by the wind as he almost caught your daughter, she skillfully dodged under the slide and out of his reach with a shriek. Samara, who looked so much like her father with the messy brown curls, big brown eyes that you would do anything for, and that smile full of joy. But her nose was yours, and the shape of her face, and oh that personality, she was mom’s girl after all. She took after you in the way she responded to people, she was kind, gentle and smart. Spencer scooped her up and you watched her writhe in his arms while laughing. “I got you! There’s no escaping now.” He laughed before spinning round and round. “No! Put me down!” She called between laughs and shrieks, her small, red scarf flapping around in their wake. You laughed at the sight, brimming with joy and love for them. 

Spencer stopped spinning, he looked in your direction and you watched his chest heave slightly with each breath he took. The smile that crossed his face was blinding. You watched him crouch down, putting Samara on her feet and he got to eye level with her before whispering something inaudible to her. She nodded her head, a look of determination in her eyes as she wiped some of the stray curls out of her face. They were definitely plotting something. You got up from your seat with suspicion settling into your stomach. Something in you said it would be better to be upright and standing instead of in your seat. Spencer nodded his head and Samara came bounding over to you with Spencer in tow. There was a matching look on both their faces, one of feigned innocence. “What’s going on?” You asked, giving a sideways glance. “Oh, nothing.” Spencer answered as he snaked his arm around your waist, pressing a kiss to your cheek gently. Warmth spreads through your body just from his touch, the butterflies still never left.

He pulled away and you watched him nod towards your daughter who full force tagged your leg, “You’re it.” She grinned as she ran away. Spencer’s arms around you left as quickly as he had pulled you close as he ran in the opposite direction from Samara. You gasped, standing in place as you had realized their plot to envelope you into their game of tag. Spencer being the distraction for your daughter to sneak up and tag without your complaint. “That’s playing dirty!” You exclaimed though the smile on your face betrayed your feigned upset. You quickly ran after Samara, knowing that their tactic of splitting up made you choose between who to go after first. Your daughter, with smaller legs, would be your first target. Already planning how to convince her to join in capturing Spencer later on. 

Quickly catching up to the four year old was easy enough, letting her escape a few times to make it more fun for her. She clambered over different playground items, using her small stature to her benefit. She crawled into one of the tunnels, following close behind you finally caught up to her. Once you wrapped your arms around her, pulling her close she let out another “Nooo!! Mom!!” while laughing as you kissed her cheeks repeatedly. “You’re it!” You said as you waited for her to stop squirming. The weight of her in your arms was absolutely right. She was getting bigger every week it seemed.

“You want to help me catch dad?” You whispered once she settled down. The competitive streak that you have clearly had rubbed off on her as she nodded her head yes. She clearly didn’t frown upon double crossing her dad if it meant winning at tag. “Do I need to tag dad again?” She asked, eyes big, voice soft and hushed just in case Spencer was close to hear. “Actually, I want you to distract him.” You responded with a smile, “Can you go up to daddy and tell him you’re going to be a big sister?” You asked her in a hushed tone. Samara’s eyes went wide and a grin broke out on her rounder face, “I am?” she asked surprised and excited at the same time. In turn you nodded your head yes.

You had found out three days ago, while Spencer was away on a case and when he had returned last night it wasn’t the right time to tell him. Now, using your first born daughter to tell him and to win a game of tag, that was the perfect time to tell him. “Go on, tell him.” Your arms unwrapped from her and she quickly scrambled out of the play tunnel calling for her dad. You crawled out with some struggle, crossing your arms as you watched as Spencer once again picked up the little girl. You dusted off your pants and jacket as you walked towards the two of them.

“What is it, princess?” Spencer asked, looking quizzically at her perhaps thinking you plotted against him. “I’m gonna be a sister! I’m gonna be a sister!” Samara spoke sing-songey as she settled in his arms. Spencer’s eyes widened and his head shot up to look at you. Eyes full of questions and surprise, the gears in his head going a 1000 miles a minute as he processed the news. Trying to decide whether it was real or not. You walked closer, a gentle smile on your lips as you kissed his cheek. “Are you-?” He asked hushed as you pulled away. “Yes, I am.” you whispered back earning you a kiss on the lips. Filled with joy, happiness and warmth. The butterflies in your stomach would probably not settle for the rest of the day. 

You pulled away from the kiss gently, your hand reaching up and you pressed your finger to his chest. “And…” You watched him as he looked at you with baited breath, hanging onto every word that would come out of your mouth. Your lips curled into a smirk.

“Tag you’re it.” 

[eisforeidolon]

Question: What was the most dangerous or scary stunt you ever did?

Jensen: Most dangerous or scary stunt we've ever done. [whistles]

Jared: Dangerous or scary stunt. So, ironically, the stunts that were not the most dangerous were the ones that I hurt myself the most. [laughs]

Jensen: Yeah.

JDM: Yeah. It's ones where, like, you don't need to go over this with me, I got this, I can take a fall. And then you crack your skull. Yeah.

Jared: Then you crack a shoulder or something. Um, the most dangerous - Ackles?

Jensen: I mean, I would say, there's definitely a lot of dangerous - I mean, it's also changed, like, the things that we were allowed to do back in the day have grossly changed now. They won't let us, just for insurance purposes, do a whole lot.

Jared: 'Cause we're older now. [laughs]

Jensen: It might be that, too. But I'll never forget probably the one I look back on the most and go 'oh my God' was - I did a very terrible movie called Devour, and in that movie [Jared: Oh!] I was like, hunting in the woods, and then out of nowhere this mountain lion - giant, like, [JDM laughs] I don't even know how, it was hundreds and hundreds of pounds. [Jared laughs] This like, grown cat. And they -

JDM: It was real?

Jared: [laughing] Yes!

Jensen: Yeah, yeah, 'cause they didn't have money to do CGI.

JDM: No CGI.

Jensen: No. So I'll never forget it, they said, they gathered the whole crew and the [finger quotes] animal wrangler came out and gave a safety speech. It was like, okay everybody I want you guys to know that when we bring the cat out, we want, we need everybody to stay in this area. We need you all to stay together. If somebody needs to go to the bathroom, you need to walk in pairs. You cannot single yourself out, once you do that, you instantly make yourself prey. So stay in a group, do not leave this area unless you have to, if you do leave, make sure it is at least in pairs or more. Jensen, could we get you on your mark out there in the middle of the woods? What?! So that alone should have given me pause, but I was young enough and too dumb to say no. And so then the shot, at one point there was a camera over my left shoulder and the cat is supposed to charge at me and as it leaps, I raise up my rifle and I shoot it. So we were doing that shot -

Jared: [laughs] Nope.

Jensen: And the animal wrangler was right behind me to my right, with a little like [vigorously shakes hand] baby toy. Just shaking it right over my right shoulder -

Jared: And Jensen was like, ah toy, toy, toy! [makes grabbing motion]

Jensen: And they're like action, and here comes this, like, five hundred pound cat charging at me full steam, jumps up in the air, and I'm supposed to raise my rifle, and it was so close it brushed my shoulder with its like [makes claw hands][Jared looks visibly uncomfortable] - because it was coming right at that toy and I just went [mimics half raising a pretend rifle, then ducking out] Nope! I look back on that now and there is no way - if there was anybody from the studio, or any producer on set that day, that would have left the lead actor to be anywhere close to that man-killer. Uh, so that was probably one that I look back on and think I got out of that one.

Jared: What about Yellow Fever? Do you remember the snake behind the couch? Phil Sgriccia was directing it, and we're sitting on the couch, you know, and the guy's asking us questions as this GIANT fucking python -

Jensen: It was a two hundred pound python.

Jared: Yeah, whose head was the size of my whole fist and fingers. And -

Jensen: Yeah, that was real.

Jared: It was real.

Jensen: And you left!

Jared: Of course I left!

Jensen: It did this on me [demonstrates on JDM's shoulder] like it came up over my shoulder and went all the way down -

Jared: I'm this far away, and I started getting -

Jensen: And he's on the other side of the couch -

Jared: [fake nervous laugh] I'm out!

Jensen: And he just gets up and leaves the scene. I can't move, I'm just frozen in terror -

Jared: So they had to change the angle of the camera, because I wasn't gonna fucking be there.

[Jared and JDM have an exchange here that I can't entirely make out, but from JDM waving and saying I'm good, I'm good, presumably about GTFO]

Jensen: Also, the snake wrangler was behind the couch, and he was on his back and he was supposed to just feed the snake over the couch and onto my shoulder, and it wouldn't go. This snake's like two hundred pounds -

Jared: He's, like, agitating the snake -

Jensen: So he's [mimes] kicking it and pushing it. And I'm like, does the snake ever get upset? And he's like, no, he's really docile as long as you don't, hurt it or step on it or be mean to it, it's totally fine. I look over my shoulder, and he's like [makes violent shoving and kicking motions] Come on! Dammit! And punching it and shoving it and kicking it and then it gets onto my shoulder and I'm like, I'm gonna get - I'm gonna die. This is it. I'm gonna die in front of all of my friends. Yeah, so, but they won't let us do that stuff anymore.

JDM: I did a movie called Texas Killing Fields and it wasn't even a fucking stunt, but it had to do with an animal. But also an animal without an animal wrangler. I had Chloe Moretz over my shoulder and it was a scene of me coming out of the swamp, like I had just -saved her of course. [Jared laughs] 'Cause that's what I do, I save people. And they were like just go, the shot's ready Jeff, just take her and walk out into the swamp. I'm like, cool. So I got her and I'm telling jokes, making her laugh and I look down and I'm stepping and there's like an eight foot alligator as my foot is going down on top of its head. And this thing rears up - I dropped Chloe and ran. [J2 crack up] I like ya, kid, but -

Jensen: Not that much!

JDM: See ya. Survival of the fittest.

Jensen: You don't have to be fast, just fast-er.

JDM: That's exactly right. And she landed on her ass, so I was gone, so she [wasn't gonna beat me?]. Yeah, 'cause most of the stunts, I've gotta say, we've been really lucky working with really good stunt people, too. You know they generally do the stunt and then we stand there because we're idiots, the three of us all make bad decisions -

Jared: Correct.

JDM: The shot's done, they got it in the can and then we're like -

[they all talk over each other a bit here]

Jared: Let's do it again!

JDM: Can we do it, just let us try, 'cause -

Jensen: Let me see if I can hit this wall harder.

JDM: Yeah, harder than the stunt guys that have been doing it all day. We're, you know, that causes pain, I can't -

Jensen: It does.

JDM: But really, they're so - we've worked with some really good people in our lives. Supernatural, The Boys in particular, that guy won a [?] Emmy or whatever -

Jensen: Koy.

JDM: They know what they're doing. Walker, I'm sure the same deal, you know.

Jared: Yeah.

JDM: You can't fall off a horse anymore. You can't.

Jared: Right, yeah.

Jensen: It hurts.

JDM: [humorous echo] It hurts. You can throw people at alligators, though.