#this is largely based off of my experience being trans

[thatturtleleon]

Trans fem 2012 Casey Jones Coming Out HC's

I love how I either see Casey Jones as trans fem or trans masc, it just depends on the version of him LMAO

He realized it when he had that body-swap incident with April

Like, he had some moments before where he questioned himself, but swapping bodies with April was an "OH" moment yk?

I believe Casey's mother isn't mentioned in this series, he doesn't seem to be close to his dad, and his little sister probably wouldn't understand, so he didn't turn to his family for advice or anything like that

Personally, I hc Mikey as genderfluid, so I feel like Casey would go to Mikey for advice first

Raph and Leo were sparring, April and Donnie were working in Donnie's lab, Splinter was likely meditating somewhere, so that left Casey and Mikey alone eating pizza and watching one of Mikey's shows

Mikey's chowing down on his pizza and Casey's just blurts out "So how'd you know you were genderfluid?"

Cue Mikey almost choking on his pizza (they were WAITING for this moment)

Casey immediately feels less nervous as he talks with Mikey about his gender and how he wants to be perceived, etc.

Mikey doesn't push Casey to try out new pronouns just yet, as he knows it can be overwhelming at first when coming out and discovering who you are

Finally comes out to Raph, April, Donnie, and Leo later

Obviously they were very supportive and excited, April told Casey if he ever wanted to borrow some clothes, makeup, etc. from her, he was welcome to

Raph and Leo gave him a big hug, followed by Raph punching Casey in the arm playfully and smiling, Donnie was like "I knew it!", and Mikey patted him on the back saying "welcome to the club"

He felt so accepted already and wanted to cry, but didn't

Splinter told Casey he was proud of him and that's when Casey finally spilled some tears

No matter what, Casey was apart of the family and they all had his back.

[pastadoughie]

i am literally begging people to stop putting sexism and transphobia on my dashboard please fucking think critically abt ur internal biases for 5 secconds and please accept even an ounce of critisism without assuming that someone is attacking you unfairly

alot of you have extremely sexist beliefs that you dont recognize because within social media as a whole these are incredibly normalized, covering blatent homophobia and misandry in tumblr buzzwords doesnt make you not sexist it just lets you be sexist and homophobic and transphobic in a way that is socially acceptable and incouraged within a queer centric space

i keep seeing posts talking abt how people actively like artwork (writing, photography, drawings) more when they find out its of a butch lesbian and not just a dude, and like, if your opinion on a peice of media can change solely based on the gender of the person being depicted by it, with zero change to the character, then that implies an inharent bias against men like, just because its men doesnt mean it isnt sexism

same thing where people think that media depicting gay men is better when it explicitly isnt written by a gay man, like that implies a fundimental disrespect of the work based on the sexuality and gender of the author. if you like an artwork but then you find out its written by a trans women, and all of a sudden you think its garbage, you are transphobic, but when people try to point this same bias out for the works of queer men this is largely written off.

i know ppl will argue abt punching up and whatnot, and while i do in some ways agree with that overall sentiment, i think that we should be striving to uh, not be sexist at all, rather then just being misandrists instead of mysogenists, like, if you only care about sexism when it hurts women/women ajacent people then you dont actually hate sexism you just want it to harm a different group of people, you dont hate the system you just want to be ontop of it and benifit from it

misandry and mysogeny present in different ways, they arent a directly comparable thing, different people have things worse in different ways so its rlly hard to take a group and say "this group has it worse", like yes generalizations like that can help in an extremely broad sense, but the world is not black and white and this kind of shit is mindnumbingly complex, trying to act like there is some kind of objective scoreing system for who is more oppressed then who is just unproductive and harmful

and moreover, someone having it worse then you doesnt make you less deserving of trying to make your situation better, i dont experience racism and in many many many ways i have it easier then poc people, that does not make me undeserving of support and that doesnt make me complaining or trying to better my situation unreasonable

we can care abt the lives and want to better the situation of different groups simoltaniously, we dont have to stop caring about racism because we want to better transphobia

i get that transwomen have it rlly bad and i do not experience the exact same struggles as them, and therefore cant comment on alot of them, but so often i see erasure of queer men in order to give more focus to transwomen, and just because trans girls go through alot of shit doesnt make that ok

one thing that people have to recognize about misandry and specifically transmisandry that you dont really have to see as much with its mysogeny counterparts is that they have far more attention and people care far more about activism for queer women/women in general, queer mens experience and specifically the transmasc experience is very very very often erased and written off even by supposedly trans friendly and queer sorces, people care more about butch lesbians then they do trans men dispite the insane ammount of overlap between the two groups, when researching about historical butch lesbians alot of them are just, trans guys that people are misgendering and mislabeling as butch lesbians because ooooo woemennnnn

being transmasc myself i can say that like, the erasure of trans men is an extremely large issue, for large swaths of history the experiences of trans people arent paid attention to at all, and even looking at media coverage today, if people are going to talk abt transgenderism they are talking about it specifically under the lens of trans women

this is largely because misandry (specifically, people thinking that having cock and ball makese u somehow predatory) makes trans women an easier punching bag, trans women get more attention because they are easier for radfems (misandrists) to be bigoted against in a more violent way, if you assume all men and amab people are violent and predatory by nature then this makes justifying violence against trans women easier

and yea being a punching bag for the media is fucking hard but it does mean that activism for that group is much much much louder, more people are complaining about trans women so more people know abt the specific issues they face

but dispite trans men yaknow, also existing and recieving a shit ton of transphobia and erasure over history they dont get talked about as much, people hate us and are violent twards us but we dont nessasarily get the same outrage for our treatment

trans men are just as often get the dismissal for being women, and the outrage for being men as trans women do we just dont get as much support and thats really difficult! often people seek to treat transmasculinism as some kind of new thing like, i get the comment often that "usually its boys that wanna be girls" and its like, no. its not. its simply that people care less about us

i think that its really easy to misenterpret me here so im gonna just get this out of the way, i dont think that women have it easier then men in a broad socital sense, but also, i dont nessasarily believe that means that my complaints are invalid, being a queer woman is not a walk in the park, and neither is being a queer man, and both groups experience homophobia transphobia and sexism in different ways, so acting as if saying one is objectively worse then the other is unfair and reductive

i think that if we want to get anywhere in regards to making it easier to be trans then we need to talk about all queer experiences, you cant just, only care about trans women you have to care about all trans people, and moreover queer people in general, this means you HAVE to be vigilant about people wrapping up sexism in a tumblr buzzword packadge, you need to consume things critically and you are not immune to pipelines, people dont just wake up and become radfems you get continually fed more and more extreme idologies, being fed things that you 90% agree with untill you eventually become completely removed from the groups you were supposed to stand with

you can care about the oppression of multiple groups at once, and if you think activism in any way involves the erasure of a certain group then you have fundimentally misunderstood what youre supposed to be doing, queer men exist and they deserve support and respect and you need to be able to support and respect them without being like "ohh she is soooooo trransfemme coded" like. men can be queer and still be men, they can be queer and still deserve your love and support, i am begging.

also yes i am aware that outside of my specific experience of tumblr people fuckin hate trans girls and women in general and they dont feel the need to do this shit. but that doesnt mean what im talking about is not an issue and is not something that people need to change and address. if you find urself doing this shit you have got to reflect on yourself, you arent immune to transphobia or homophobia or sexism ESPECIALLY if you think that you somehow are magically immune. nobody is. no identity is. everybody is suseptible to this shit and it takes active critical thinking in order to combat it

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for considering making a call out post about a well known fandom blogger who was transphobic towards me/ others?

We're both in a fandom that has a very large transmasc fan base, and they themself aren't cis (Bi-gender), so their post really caught me off guard... Especially because I was mentioned in it??

Let's call them Pink.

Earlier that day, yesterday, Pink had reblogged something from me. Someone sent Pink an Anon message saying that I had "trans misandry deniers dni" in my bio. The Anon then said they "didn't want to start anything" but knew Pink's opinion of it.

I had that in my bio because of the amount of people who think trans men don't face transphobia and that we have it easy.

✨Info break time✨

For those who don't know, trans misandry or transandrophobia, is the specific type of transphobia experienced by trans men/ transmasculine people. Like how trans fem peeps experience trans misogyny.

Ex. the idea that because we identify as men/ with a masculine gender, we are inherently dangerous/bad, are "joining the oppressors", or abandoning womanhood to gain male-privilege. And that we don't experience the hardships that most AFAB people face.

It has nothing to do with misandry against cis men, which on a systemic level I don't believe in at all.

✨back to the story✨

Pink responded to the Anon essentially saying that anyone who believes in transmisandry: is overemotional, shouldn't be taken seriously, and is the same as someone who believes in cis misandry.

This was... Super odd?? Like, the fandom they main is like 70% transmascs, they see us all the time. Why would they think that it's ok to say we don't face discrimination? It affects our lives so much and it weirded me out how they could think it was silly. And even posting my account's name for everyone to see was SUPER weird.

I was really hoping that Pink didn't understand what transmisandry was, and was just thrown-off by the word "misandry" being used. Because that's a common occurrence. So, I sent them a DM in hopes of explaining what they may have misunderstood.

In the DM I said I wasn't mad though I didn't appreciate them making the post about me, but I didn't think it was made in bad faith. I told them that my bio was referring to the specific type of transphobia I and other transmasculine people face and not CIS misandry. I ended my message saying that if they'd like to understand better, I'd be happy to answer any questions they had... and then they blocked me. I think I may have overstepped by doing this, but they did publicly ridicule me so ehgeh?

I don't know if they read my message or not because they didn't respond. I don't want to make anyone feel hurt bc they are pretty popular in the fandom and people like what they post. But I want others to be aware of how Pink feels about the probable majority of their followers and the fandom base they frequent.

So AITA and overreacting and let it alone?

What are these acronyms?

[term-repost]

originally posted by user Kenochoric / Kenochoric-moved / Trans-Haunting

Dyspunktional / Dyspunk Flag!

This is largely based off of the original flag, but I decided to do my own interpretation. I did not make dyspunktional, this is just my proposal for a flag.

--

The circled-A symbol represents punk, as it is the symbol of anarchism and has strong ties with the punk movement. The colors of each stripe are from the disability flag, the stripes of which are for different types of needs and disabilities (mental illness, intellectual and developmental disability, invisible and undiagnosed disabilities, physical disability, and sensory disabilities).

The shape of the flag is a chevron, and I chose this for a few reasons. Firstly, solidarity with other minorities, such as queer people. Many people have seen a similar chevron on a queer flag (however, I did make it far different so they wouldn't be confused for one another). In essence, it's meant to represent minorities within the minority, as well as solidarity with other minorities. Secondly, it simply looks cool, without being too jarring in its colors to the point of being eyestrain-y.

And that's about it! Dyspunktional was made with all disabled people in mind, so anyone fitting that descriptor is welcome to use this, just like they can be dyspunktional in general. You're free to use my flag for whatever, and edit it to your liking. I even included a transparent set of the chevrons in case you wanna change the background.

Under the cut, I'm going to put the definition of dyspunktional, as well as some alternate flags.

--

Definition of dyspunktional:

(From here, + archive)

"Dyspunktional is about radical inclusivity – there is no person who considers themselves disabled that isn’t included under the term, should they want to use it.

It’s a portmanteau of “dysfunctional” and “punk”: Dysfunctional because it can apply to any and all disabilities because the definition of a disability is that it inhibits daily function. Punk because it represents our rebellion against the harmful categorization of the medical industrial complex and against the society that refuses to give us (disabled people) what they need to fully participate in that society.

Because it’s based on the idea of radical inclusivity, Dyspunktional has no space for gatekeeping, no space for denying the experiences of others and should be focused on creating community and solidarity with all disabled people. The idea is that all of us are dysfunctional and therefore, all of us are gatekept from society in various ways and while our experiences are different, they do not differ in worth. No disabled person’s voice is unnecessary in the fight against ableism, no disabled person’s experience should go unheard.

No disabled person’s experience is more or less important than another’s. We all have something to offer to each other, we all have something to offer to the cause and no one should be afraid of speaking up or have their experiences doubted and questioned by other disabled people – we are already dealing with that coming from the medical establishment and abled society.

So, uh… IDK, join me in claiming our dysfunction and disability as something to be proud of and in rebelling against the system that wants us dead and wants to hold us down!

Be dyspunktional!"

--

Alternate flags:

--

archive of post

originally posted by user Kenochoric / Kenochoric-moved / Trans-Haunting

[everythingisround]

I think a lot of people who aren’t in the raggedy fandom or are just getting into the fandom may be a bit confused why so many of us headcanon Raggedy Andy as trans, so I decided to compile all the more heavily transcoded traits from across adaptations that fans use to justify their headcanons, plus some stuff I noticed on my own that I decided to add here.

Please note that I am in no way saying that trans/gnc headcanons NEED ‘evidence’ to be considered valid, or that Johnny Gruelle himself created Raggedy Andy with a trans man in mind. I just thought it would be helpful to have a little database of sorts for those who are first encountering this headcanon, and just in general to bounce ideas around that some may find representative of themselves and their experiences. Also, I’m trans, so I’m gonna make every male character in fiction trans too :p

I present to you… Trans Raggedy Andy™️

starting off with his design, andy has eyelashes, a trait commonly associated with female characters. note how other male dolls like clem, henny, and cleety the clown do not have this trait. (clem does have eyelashes in some illustrations, but their design is already EXTREMELY inconsistent lol)

andy’s hair in the early illustrations and dolls is very choppy and uneven, implying that he may have cut it himself. you could make the argument that ann or bessie (andy’s original owner) cut his hair for him, but let’s be honest, it probably would’ve looked a lot more neat and well layered than his current hairdo lmao

andy's arms are very large and disproportionate compared to ann's, which are very slim and feminine. perhaps andy stuffed them himself to give the illusion of muscles?

on the topic of andy's arms, in the books and some of the dolls and animated adaptations, his arm fabric is white, just like ann's. this isn't an issue at a glance; it was mostly likely an homage to ann and andy's design inspiration of scarecrows and clowns, which both typically wear gloves (moreso clowns with their signature white gloves). however, if we assume that raggedy ann stories takes place in 1918 (as that was the year it was published), and the beginning introduction states that ann is physically 59 years old, with andy being sewn a day or two afterwards according to raggedy andy stories, then both ann and andy were sewn in 1859. thing is, andy's outfit is sort of a mismash of contemporary fisherman/sailor attire, and fishermen/sailors didn't typically wear gloves back in those days, and even today. however, plenty of women, especially those of higher classes, wore gloves as a sign of neatness and status. granted, ann's attire seems to be more rural, but if, say, you were a working class woman in the mid 19th century, chances are you'd wear gloves at least some point. or maybe marcella's great-grandma/bessie's mom just used whatever scraps of fabric they had :shrug:

compared to ann's clothes, andy's clothes are a lot more modern (at least for the time period) and put together, with buttons and bowties galore. sure, bessie's mom could've just had those trinkets lying around, but considering the letter at the start of raggedy andy stories states that bessie and marcella's grandma lived next door with no fence, they were most likely lower class. personally, i like the idea of that ann made andy's current clothes herself :) maybe, with the civil war in america going on around the same time, ann might've based his clothes off of some of the sailors from that time...

in many of the adaptations, most notably the 1977 movie and the 1986 broadway musical, andy's arc usually revolves around him trying to prove himself, mostly by asserting himself to be as masculine as possible. one could argue that this is just a classic case of toxic masculinity, and while that could be a byproduct of his behavior, we do see him show sympathy and compassion for others, especially his sister. this indicates, to me at least, that andy's yearning to break away from others' expectations of him and be the strong, tough, and terrific boy he is is an internal conflict rather than an external one.

ill admit this is a bit more farfetched, but andy's voice does kinda sound like someone going through hrt, where the voice is in that awkward state of sounding more like a teenage boy as it slowly deepens with increased doses. (note that i havent gone on hrt yet; im mostly basing this off some of the things that my friend who has been through hrt has relayed onto me) if you listen to the 1977 movie, 1986 musical, and even the chuck jones specials, andy's voice definitely gives off that vibe (at least to me). then again, that may just be a result of the rag dolls being ageless, or the writers not knowing whether they wants the dolls to be minors or adults.

no girl's toy. yeah.

finally, ann and andy look basically identical, especially looking at them from the back view. heck, you can't even tell some of the dolls apart without their clothes on. this most likely indicates that bessie specifically wanted a doll that looked like marcella's grandma's, so that they could play with them as sisters and all that. it's also more common for kids with toys that share the same gender as them (though not all the time, of course), and boy dolls were almost always love interests for the girl dolls back then. even in the raggedy andy stories letter from earlier, johnny's mom (who, considering marcella was directly based off of johnny's own daughter, is most likely marcella's grandma in this context) even states that andy would sometimes be dressed in girl clothes when she and bessie wanted him to be ann's sister on that particular day. while that definitely makes me feel bad for andy if this is after his transition, marcella's grandma is also an old lady at this point, so it's very possible she could be misremembering, or perhaps she didn't want to confuse her son by saying her friend's girl doll magically turned into a boy doll one day. trans people were almost unheard of back then, after all, even though the concept of being trans has existed for thousands of years.

yup. that's the tea. this ended up being WAY longer than i originally intended, so i apologize for that... hopefully ive explained myself the best i could. tldr; raggedy andy has been trans since forever im sorry :(

[yamchaisawesome]

PENNY IS TRANS AS FUCK: An Essay.

WARNING, SPOILERS FOR POKÉMON SCARLET ABD VIOLET

So I saw some TERFs getting mad at someone headcanoning Penny from the new Pokémon games as trans saying they’re intolerant because they, and I paraphrase “headcanon every vaguely gnc person as trans.”

Anyway I, a cis man, am out here like: Did we play the same fucking game? So I’m going to compile every bit of evidence that I can find in support of this gal being trans.

Let’s start with what I like to call Trans Evidence Lightning Round. These are things I can’t write ridiculous amounts about but still feel important to include. These include but are not limited to: 1.Her wearing a large hoodie (possibly a dysphoria hoodie)

2. Her terrifying proficiency with coding and hacking. (Note, this is in no way dismissing cis women in coding or stem as a whole. The trans girl coder stereotype is just really common and Pokémon loves its shorthand)

3. She has a FUCKING SYLVEON (literally has the trans flag colours as the colour scheme) as her ace when you battle her.

4. She says “Shine bright like the starry sky and become who you really want to be!” When terrastalising said Sylveon, which can be taken in a number of ways.

5. The fact that none of the team star bosses knew her name before she left, only referring to her as “The Big Boss”

I’ll probably add more later. Now, onto the juicy stuff. Some of this doesn’t fit together but they all seem to imply the same thing and they’re all there.

It is revealed later on that, like the rest of the team star members, Penny was bullied relentlessly. It got so bad that she eventually just shut herself inside and never left the house. This isolation was so intense that up until the end of the Starfall Street story, none of her closest friends (the team star bosses) ever saw her real face. This isn’t the strongest bit of evidence but we’re never given a particular reason like we did with Eri or Atticus, so it’s in no way out of the question that the bullying could’ve been transphobic in nature.

Ortega’s Tutor (the director of the academy before Clavell took over) refers to the “Big Boss” (AKA Penny) as a he before sending her back to Galar as “punishment” for 1.5 years. Now this could just be a mistake on the devs’ part, but that seems like it gives us a rough timeline of eggcrackery, intentional misgendering (which seems out of character for the guy), or it could simply be that he had never met Penny due to the aforementioned social isolation and based it off of the student database which in my experience rarely updates this kind of stuff.

Nemona doesn’t recognise her. I repeat, NEMONA doesn’t recognise her. The most extroverted of extroverts, the super popular girl who’s on the student council and could probably look at the student database if she wanted to, the girl who has been at the school for AT LEAST two years for the simple reason that the events of the main story is not her first treasure hunt does not know this girl despite her being there before. There are many ways someone could write this off, including the aforementioned social isolation and her not knowing too much about team star in general but that is still really weird considering that this is NEMONA that we’re talking about. This could easily be supporting evidence for her transition over the 1.5 years in Galar.

And let’s say you’re still not convinced and you think she’s cis. That’s fucking fine. Nobody is going to judge you for that. But don’t be a piece of garbage and get mad at someone for headcanoning her as trans. To me and many others, she’s a genuinely cool trans character that doesn’t shove that fact in your face. Seriously, anyone who does this (btw if any of you TERFs stayed up to here, thank you but why?). Y’all get mad that “The media shoves trans shit in my face” then when there’s a character who either isn’t trans but resonates with trans audiences or is more subtle about their identity you get angry when anyone calls them trans. It’s very contradictory and I dare say hypocritical.

[anangelforsure]

I am asexual. Many of my favorite fictional characters and robots or inhuman. What do those things have in common? I’m glad you asked.

In this essay I aim to highlight some connections between inhuman characters and the ace community, largely based off of my own experiences and the experiences of others I have read on the internet. This is going to be a niche and personal piece, as sexuality is a unique experience for every individual.

Some of the characters and media I will touch upon include Mettaton from Undertale, the animatronics from the Five Nights at Freddy’s series, Crowley from Good Omens (tv), AM from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream (radio show), and the dolls from the Barbie movie.

(*gentle CW for a bit of a vent about personal experiences in paragraph 6- after the FNAF bit. As much as I’d like to have a professional analysis style, this is an art piece)

Asexuality is a difficult topic due to its complicated and varying nature. Identifying as asexual does not mean one straightforward thing, and it can be hard to explain what it means without being too narrow in the definition. So, to briefly explain for anyone who does not know: to be asexual generally means a person does not experience sexual attraction towards others. There are people who identify as being under the ace umbrella who do experience some sort of limited or condition-dependant sexual attraction. An ace person can experience romantic attraction, or maybe they don’t, and are aromantic as well as ace (research the Split Attraction Model for more detail. Aromanticism and asexuality can overlap in many areas, but I will be focusing on asexuality). An asexual person may have sex with others for various reasons, or they may not. Libido and sexual attraction are separate entities.

Now that we have a basic understanding of asexuality, let me get into the fun part, character analysis!

I will start with Mettaton. Mettaton is a hugely popular character in the trans community due to his backstory being an obvious allegory for transitioning. Hundreds of people have written about it better than I ever could, and so I will not waste my time trying to add something new to the discussion. My take on his hypothetical sexuality is what I think sets my views apart. Now, I adore all interpretations of this character, the delightful thing about headcanons is that as many versions of a character as you want can exist simultaneously. Due to his flirty personality, Mettaton is very commonly sexualized (and we do! Wholeheartedly! /ref). But in order to make everything about me, I take it upon myself to headcanon his robotic existence as a metaphor for asexuality. Think about it, a character who so desperately wanted to become something more, to take a form that will make him more relatable and palatable to the masses. The possibilities for gender/ sexuality headcanons are endless. To get more literal, he is a robot. And robots do not generally contain the hardware required for human procreation, you know? So his attitude can be seen as an overcompensation for that void, the lack of true understanding of human sexuality. Or rather, an attempt to cover the unavoidable truth that he will never be truly human. Avoiding alienation is a task many ace people perform in their daily lives, as it is frowned upon by some to be uncomfortable with sex, as the topic of discussion or jokes, not to mention the issues it raises in potential romantic relationships. Sometimes ace people will take part in uncomfortable conversations, or even perform sexual actions they don’t want to, simply to fit in. For example, many of us have a history of making up crushes to relate to our peers at school, rather than admit we didn’t feel that way about anyone. The fear of being unable to relate is an ever present and strong one.

Another example of robots representing asexuality is FNAF. This stems mainly from the many amazing fan works that have come from this fandom, giving the animatronics distinct personalities seperate from the canon possession from the games. As much as I adore the messy franchise, I am partial to the idea of sentient robots, rather than haunted. It is a fascinating idea, the animatronics having artificial intelligence so advanced that they are self aware, they know that they were used in the missing child incidents but were powerless to stop anything. The few canon instances of sentient AI that I cling to come from Security Breach, once is when Freddy is brought into a room with spare endoskeletons he has a moment of panic where he questions his creation and the nature of his existence. The other is when Gregory asks Freddy why he is helping him rather than hunting him like the other bots, and Freddy struggles to answer. The other robots are his friends, and yet they are monsters. My heart aches for him in those brief moments, his touchingly human feelings are distinct from our own because of their roots in artificiality. A sort of isolation, as asexuality can be. Knowing there is something slightly off about yourself, a barrier that prevents you from fully understanding others.

You can come to feel like a monster, when you’ve tried so hard yet failed to feel the way you’re supposed to in a relationship. When you end up hurting the person you were supposed to love, because you’re not the person you thought you could be. You go through the motions, hoping that something changes, maybe once you get comfortable things will click and you’ll be normal.

The realization that those feelings are not going to happen is sickening. You’ve strung them along, wasted their time trying to fix a broken machine. And the worst part is that underneath it all you knew. You knew it was never going to work, and you selfishly tried it anyways. Even more selfishly, you know in your heart that their injury is not what is causing the pain gripping your chest. It’s the cold weight of your darkest fear coming true. You are broken. You’re incomplete. Unforgivable…

Which brings me to my next character. The demon Crowley from the Good Omens TV series. While he is not a robot, Crowley is certainly not human. And despite living on earth for thousands of years, as an immortal being he struggles to totally understand human existence, the power of free will. His experience with free will is that it turns you into a monster. “I won’t be forgiven. Not ever. It’s in the demon job description. Unforgivable, that’s what I am”. It applies to all queer people, because it really is just… part of our job description. There will always be people who see something wrong with you. Crowley’s relationship with Aziraphale drives the point home even harder. Aziraphale, as Crowley’s closest companion, cannot understand him either. The line between them, Aziraphale believing in the existence of a ‘right’ side, while Crowley knows there is no such thing, means he ultimately walks alone. It can be difficult to connect with other asexual people, I have always been the only one in my friend groups. As much as I know I am loved and accepted by my friends, they can’t understand this aspect of me.

I do not have a strong lead in for my next character, but I feel so strongly about them considering the source material is only half an hour long. AM, from I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream, specifically the radio show. This character is a horrifically evil totalitarian AI, created by the very species he despised so much he wiped them from the planet. How exactly could a villain like AM tie into this? Well, I fully believed he was going to be completely cold and unlikeable, up until this one line: “Because in all this wonderful, beautiful, miraculous world, I alone had no BODY, no SENSES, no feelings. Never for me to plunge my hands in cool water on a hot day. Never for me to play Mozart on the ivory keys of a forte piano. Never for ME to MAKE LOVE. I was in hell, looking at heaven. I was machine and you- Were flesh.” This says it all, literally. I would highly recommend listening to the radio drama, the written lines don’t do it justice. The wavering in AM’s bitter, hatred-soaked voice struck me right in my core as I went ‘oh’… and all of a sudden he wasn’t quite as much of a tyrannical evil as before. AM has no physical form, and that is the cause of his endless suffering. More than anything, he wants to be the very thing he hates so much. Human. To experience corporeal existence in all its limited glory. As heavy handed as it sounds, yes, this really hits hard as an ace person. The emptiness, once you recognize it, is incredible.

Another form of the no-body/ no genitals thing we have going on with AM and the robots comes from the Barbie movie. They flat out state that the dolls have no genitalia. Again, I will admit that is a heavy handed way to present an ace allegory, especially considering the nuance that goes into ace identities, remember that it’s not all about the act of sex. But the thing about art is that it doesn’t have to be taken literally. A lack of genitals can be more of a metaphor for lacking what they represent. I also want to draw from the music in this movie. ‘I’m Just Ken’ sung by Ryan Gosling, as silly and fun as it is, contains the line “I want to know what it’s like to love, to be the real thing” which is surprisingly impactful. Coming from an inhuman character, wanting to experience the real thing.. I fear I’m getting a little repetitive here as I try to come up with unique ways to drive my points home. Barbie and Ken each struggle with their existence, and wanting to be more than they are. The song ‘What Was I Made For?’ by Billie Eilish Is another really good piece of this movie. Ace people often have the titular question on their mind. Without attraction driving us to procreate, what is the purpose of our lives? Obviously it is ridiculous to reduce humanity down to that in this day and age, but it is subtly ingrained into society so much so that it can be shocking to family members and friends when an individual is not looking to start a family. There is also a common misconception that sex/love are what define us as human. We are so much more than that.

Now that I mention music, I have a small selection of songs that encompass some of the feelings I am trying to convey, sticking to the theme of asexuality and otherness with the robotic/inhuman metaphor as best I can.

‘A Human’s Touch’ by TWRP is the first song on my list. I have seen this song used by many of the fandoms I have referenced above, which really fuels the personal connection here. The song is, a lament of technology past that doubles as a metaphor for a broken relationship. Things we used to adore but no longer have a use for, yearning for someone to pick them back up and make them useable again. From an ace perspective, the notion of being replaced or discarded when a newer, better version shows up is all too real. Sometimes ace people are treated by allosexual people as a last resort, or a placeholder until the other person finds someone more compatible, more willing to do or able to feel the things ‘normal’ people should. “Am I just a toy to you, my love?” Is a question I have asked myself when someone I used to know would come back to me whenever their ‘real’ relationships ended badly.

Steam Powered Giraffe is a really cool band, I love that almost every song is about being a robot. “Brass Goggles” was the song that put me onto them. There’s a lot going on in this song, but there are some really hard lines lamenting robotic life. “Will I ever be something with feelings to hide? Or am I just a boiler with nothing inside?” Wondering why they are alive, what constitutes being alive and human. I think I’ve said as much as I can say about the connection between robots wondering why they exist and can’t feel what a human does, and an ace person wondering why they can’t feel what others do, and why they were born that way.

‘Cabinet Man’ by Lemon Demon is such a cool song for the robotic metaphor. It is about a person who is somehow reanimated as an arcade machine, and is no longer quite human. In particular I like this line- about having people come from all over to see and to play this machine- “this must be what love would have felt like”. It can weigh on you sometimes, thinking that maybe something else is the closest you will ever get to ‘true’ love. Maybe you can’t feel what the humans feel, but isn’t it nice to know that maybe this is what it would have been like…

‘Fake Plastic Trees’ by Radiohead is a little more abstract, as is classic Radiohead fashion. But the general theme is the fakeness of society. To me, this resonates with the way society imposes itself upon asexual people. A culture steeped in sex, where everything is catered towards allosexual people. Simply put,“It wears me out”. Another notable line “she looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing, my fake plastic love” I see as coming from the partner of an ace person, resigned to loving a shallow imitation of a human. It’s how I fear I will be seen by a partner, not quite the real thing, but close enough for now.

Now to end on a lighter note, I do love being ace. As much as it can be difficult to navigate the world as an under-acknowledged queer identity, it is beautiful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. We are an integral piece of the infinite variety that comes from humans. If you are ace, I love you. If you can relate to my experiences, we’re gonna figure it all out someday, I promise.

So, in summary, I really enjoy an inhuman character’s inability to totally grasp humanity as an allegory for queerness, asexuality in particular. If you’ve made it this far, thank you for reading!

[unepetitecorneille]

Gender dysphoria and Smirke's Fourteen

So, whatever this ends up being, it's about the different aspects of gender dysphoria as domains of the different entities. All of it is just headcanons and personal bullshit, but it will have a more serious side, and some sillier bits as well. Disclaimer: It's largely based on my own experience, not everyone may relate to it. Also, there isn't just one way to dissect dysphoria and categorise its flavours based on what fear power they fit, so if you don't agree with me, that's fine.

CWs/TWs: canon-typical CWs + discussion and themes of: gender dysphoria, gender perception based on biological traits, alienation from one's body, body modification, shifting of bones, self-harm, transphobia, intrusive thoughts - This stuff is quite explicit, and there's a reason certain topics weren't present in the podcast. Some parts could induce dysphoria about things you aren't dysphoric about, so be careful. Read at your own risk. Stay safe.

The Flesh: The more physical aspects come here. Wanting to change certain parts of your body that are commonly associated with a different gender. Wishing you could chop off some of you in some places, maybe even bone or that your bone structure would morph into a more fitting form. (In my case it's wanting broader shoulders, narrower hips.) Now this is just for the funsies, completely unserious: the Flesh could be such an ally. I think it would absolutely support medical transition, any changes you make on your body to make yourself feel more at home in it. It would feed more on the horror of transphobes at the 'audacity' of trans people being happy in their bodies whether or not the way they look aligns with their views about what they 'should' look like, whether or not they underwent any medical transition.

The Stranger: Yayyy, fun one. /s Basically feeling like a stranger in your body, feeling like it is not yours, at least not fully, not truly. Voice dysphoria definitely comes here (for me). This is a very ftm point of view, but the feeling when I look at my hips and I <know> they should be narrower. My shoulders should be broader, my lungs bigger, my ribcage more spacious, my torso longer, my waist fuller, not so narrow.

The Spiral: The more obsessive parts, all the extreme self-consciousness go here. Worrying that the tiniest details would 'give you away'. Generally the 'Am I manly/womanly/androgynous/... enough?' kind of thoughts. Overthinking small bits like how you sit, or use gestures, how you speak. Also, putting too much emphasis on things you cannot do anything about (for me my hips and how high the waist of my trousers goes up). This feels very niche, but the obsessive thought of 'Do they percieve me as a boy or a girl?' in dangerous situation. Like, really? That's not the biggest problem, couldn't we just focus on the more pressing matters? Anyway, the Spiral could be an ally, too. Like come on, Michael. The Distortion would totally come for transphobes and eat them and drive them crazy.

The Web: Not being in control. The hopelessness you feel when no matter what you do, people keep misgendering you and deadnaming you, just generally treating you like what 'they' think you are.

The Eye: The awareness that people are constantly percieving you. Them percieving you is inevitable, and you dread they percieve you as a gender you aren't. Or knowing it's a day you don't pass. Knowing they see you as a gender you aren't and you can do nothing to change that.

The Dark: (This is very closely connected to the first half of the previous one, I wanted to put this there originally, but well, this is about <not> knowing and uncertainity, so it fits the Dark better.) Not knowing what little box people put you in in their heads. You don't know how to present to be safe and only as uncomfortable as necessary at the same time. It's exactly like being in the dark and not knowing what is in it. Anything could be lurking there. Even another human being. With malicious intent. With the intent of hurting you. But this, not knowing how you are percieved can be even more stressful than simple worry about your physical safety. There's even more uncertainity because you can't know how they'd react if they knew you're trans/queer.

The Lonely: Being othered by society. Being an outcast. Self-isolating to keep yourself safe. Choosing to be alone instead of the company of those who look down on you/ hate you/ don't accept you/ might hurt you. Difficulties making friends because of who you are.

The Buried: Having to play a role to be safe or to find community. The suffocating reality that you practically don't have a choice but to put on a facade. (Even if you don't have to actively pretend to be someone or something you aren't, but you can't be fully free and your authentic self.) The hopelessness of being stuck in a nightmarish situation, you can't escape it for a good long time yet. (I Saw the TV Glow very much reminds me of the Buried.)

So that's about it. There are some overlaps, but the same can be said about the fears themselves. I hope you enjoyed reading.

[bunnyreaper]

STRUGGLES TO THINK OF A REQUEST!!!

SOMETHING REALLY SOFT AND FLUFFY WITH GN/TRANS MASC READER?? LIKE PRAISE N STUFF; MAYBE READER IS A VIRGIN OR SMTH !!!I GET DYSPHORIA WITH AMAB READER BUT I DONT WANT TO BE CALLED A GOOD GIRL EITHER YK??

ps look at my gorgeous man

okay, wrote a lil gn!reader x gaz, with birthday theme!! it's a bit silly but i hope you enjoy!! mild 18+ below + alcohol consumption!

Being in the army was never convenient. Thrilling, challenging, life changing, yes--but never, ever truly convenient. 

You suppose the universe took pity on you somewhat, as the stakeout in a sweltering hot campervan had been moved forward to yesterday, narrowly missing your birthday, but only just.

Today you're still left with the fatigue of the late night you pulled staring down binoculars and making the awkwardest small talk ever with Ghost.

But, today at least, you'd entered the rec room of the Los Vaqueros base to the most pleasant surprise. 

Kyle must have spent the whole afternoon preparing it, as there were balloons and bunting and even a small cake waiting for you when you arrived--as well as the man himself, all soft eyes and beaming smile. 

The cake has long since disappeared (largely courtesy of Johnny), and you've both been making your way through a fairly expensive bottle of tequila, one shot at a time. 

The Captain didn't stick around for too long, and Ghost headed to bed after him and Johnny swept the floor with you and Kyle in a particularly heated game of beer pong. 

Johnny is currently drooling into the couch cushions as you and Kyle try and finish off the last of the tequila while playing Never Have I Ever. You're a few rounds in, and Kyle is rapidly realising that there's a lot of things you haven't done.

"Never have I ever... had a threesome." Kyle says, with a shrug and a melodic laugh, and is unsurprised when you don't drink.

"Never have I ever had a twosome, even." You counter with a snorted laugh.

Then, mortification washes over you, as you stay stock still and wait for the realisation to catch up to Kyle.

"Oh, you've never...?" His lips part and his eyes widen adorably, but they hold no judgement within. 

"Nope." You shake your head, taking a hefty sip now anyway to deal with the blush of your cheeks at such a reveal. 

Kyle follows suit out of habit, his face scrunching at the taste. "With anyone?" 

"Nope, I've done some things but... no one I wanted to go all the way with." Really, you aren't embarrassed about this detail in particular, more so that you're sharing it with Kyle, who you've been crushing on pretty much since you first laid eyes on him. 

"Well then." His initial surprise dissipates, replaced with an entirely too sweet smile that just makes you melt. "Hope you find them soon, if you're ready." 

His voice is laced with sincerity, and as you get lost in his gaze all you can think of is that above everything, you're so thankful you get to call Kyle your best friend. "Thanks for not being weird about it." 

"Nothing to be weird about." He says, completely nonchalant as he reaches out, his hand resting on your arm to rub reassuringly. "Though I do think you're missing out." As he says those final words, his face splits into a smirk for the ages, before he wraps his lips round the bottle once more. 

"Oh I know I am, trust me." You groan, desperately wishing to experience everything you hear people talk about, especially with Kyle. 

"Tequila brings out the wild side of you, apparently." He chuckles. 

You shove him playfully, knowing deep down you haven't gotten as wild as you could. "You say that like it doesn't do the same to you! I remember when you were doing shots in that bar we went to, and you ended up shirtless on the dancefloor." 

He hangs his head in embarrassment, but smiles through it anyway. "Thanks for reminding me of that." 

"Anytime, Kyle." You wink, the alcohol making you just a little bold. "Think I might head to bed though, actually." Best to go now before you end up straddling him right here, you think.

"We outlasted Soap, so I'll call that a win." He screws the cap on the tequila before setting it down on the table and offering you a hand to help you stand.  "Did you enjoy yourself?" 

"I really did, thanks for remembering." You smile, trying to fight the urge to rush to him for a hug. "I'll clean up in the morning." 

"Let me walk you back to your room, yeah?" He offers his arm now, allowing you to hold onto him as the two of you make your way out of the rec room.

"Oh, you're being extra nice, it must be my birthday." You tease, eyes ahead so as to not focus on the muscle you're clinging to and the heat radiating off him.

At that, he gasps. "You're my favourite person, I'm always nice to you." 

"If being cheeky is nice, then sure." 

His head dips down ever so slightly, and he stops walking for just the briefest of moments, his voice almost a whisper. "It's how I show my affection." 

It takes everything within you to not fall over your feet then and there. 

"Does that mean you have heart eyes for the Captain, because you're always being cheeky with him?" 

Deflect, deflect, deflect. 

"Why? You jealous?" He laughs, now properly coming to a stop outside your door. 

"Desperately." You drawl sarcastically, hoping he doesn't see right through it--and hoping he doesn't notice your shiver when he pulls away.

Things fall comfortably silent between you, as you stand and share fond looks. You swipe your key card, kicking the door open ever so slightly as you cling to his presence for a moment longer, not really wanting to go inside. 

"Kyle..." You begin, not really knowing what you'll say next. 

"Yeah?" His smile is so bright, so warm and loving that it almost hurts to lay eyes on.

"Thanks again." 

"S'aright." He shrugs it off like it's no big deal that he remembered, and made sure that everyone made a fuss. "Not too bad as far as birthdays go, I hope."  

Little does he realise, spending time with him is the best birthday gift you could ask for. Well, almost.

"Not bad at all, though I just thought of something else I want as a gift." Bravery courses through you, your brain ticking over into a needy territory where you just need something from Kyle--something beyond barely-there touches and friendly smiles. 

"One wasn't enough?" He teases, his eyebrow quirking and lips turning up in a way that makes him all the more attractive. 

"Nope." You take a step closer, and he makes no effort to retreat.

"Lay it on me then." 

And with those words, you snap. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him down so you can slot your lips against his and pour out all your pent up feelings into kissing him silly. He tastes like tequila, and mint, and heaven, as he kisses you deeper and deeper, and sends your head into a bigger spin than the alcohol did.

He pulls away after a moment, pupils blown wide and hands still gripping onto you. "Fuck." 

"I mean, the actual gift I'd like would be a lot more... involved, but..." 

He pushes you through the door, slamming you against it as he closes it behind the two of you. "How about we make a deal?" He begins, before trailing kisses down your jaw, to the sensitive spots on your neck. 

"Oh?" You ask, voice barely there as light-headed dizziness and arousal takes over. 

"Tonight... I'll give you part of your gift, but the rest has to come when we're both sober." He whispers, his words full of promise. 

You whine as he nips at your throat, already wanting more, wanting everything. "You're no fun." 

He pulls away to meet your gaze, eyes sparkling as his hardness presses against you, and he flashes that oh-so-handsome smile. "If I'm gonna be the one to fuck you for the first time, I'm gonna make damn sure you remember it, yeah?"

[havenofcybele]

Some thoughts on feminism from a trans perspective

What has feminism done for trans people? This is, surprisingly, a question that isn’t often asked. But the answer is quite revealing: nothing, unless one wants to include negatives, in which case, a lot of bad things.

There’s an expectation for trans women that you’re supposed to be a feminist. So much as questioning feminism, or even expressing indifference to it, is frequently met by vitriol and hostility, typically expressed through misgendering, whether covert or overt. I’ve even had trans women say I deserve transphobia for not being a feminist. ‘Vitriol and hostility’ are really understatements of how tense other trans women can get when you don’t have the right opinion on this subject. The only possible outlet for criticism of feminism is criticism of TERFs, and transfeminists are extremely eager to point out that the TERFs are supposedly a minority, and hell, they’re probably not even real feminists anyway!

But again, my mind just returns to that question. What has feminism done for trans people? If you actually pose that to a transfeminist, they begin to stumble. They’ll stop talking to you, or they’ll deflect, or they’ll ignore the question and focus on something else you’ve said, or they’ll claim that somehow feminism laid the foundations for trans rights and that we don’t owe trans rights to the trans men and trans women who fought for them, or even to the researchers and surgeons who developed lifesaving transition-related care, but instead to activists who were fighting for unrelated concerns and who, by and large, were and are hostile to us.

What they’ll never do is actually name something substantive. I’m not saying individual feminists have never done anything substantive for trans people, but I can’t think of a single thing, and seemingly even transfeminists can’t either, otherwise they’d tell me. I can think of a large number of bad things feminists have and continue to do in regards to trans rights. Janice Raymond contributing to the removal of trans healthcare coverage under the Ronald Reagan administration of the United States, resulting almost certainly in the deaths of trans people, for example. Or the fact that gender recognition reform in the UK has been utterly derailed by feminists, or the fact that feminists have effectively destroyed youth transition resources in the UK. Or how about the time Sheila Jeffreys called trans people parasites to the Houses of Parliament? Feminists have been calling for the elimination of trans people since at least the second wave, constructing glossy looking pieces of academic tripe from The Transsexual Empire in 1979 to the Declaration on Women’s Sex-Based Rights in 2019. In my own homecountry, the people spearheading the anti-trans movement aren’t a bunch of far-right Handmaid’s Tale larpers, dreaming of a Gilead knock-off they hope to institute one day–they’re feminists.

Of course, I’m ready to hear the cry of ‘those are TERFs!’ or ‘those aren’t real feminists!’, well, where precisely are the real feminists? Again, what have feminists done that is good for trans people? Can you blame me for being antifeminist, when all the feminists I see having any influence on my life and the lives of my people, both now and in the past, are ones who want to eliminate us? At the very best, most feminists are utterly indifferent to trans issues, in which case, why should I support a movement indifferent to my suffering? At worst, most of them harbour transphobic viewpoints–not, perhaps, as toxic as your average TERF’s, but transphobic nonetheless, and such a conclusion is the one I lean to, considering how prevalent transphobic attitudes are in all areas of society, and my own anecdotal experiences.

What is interesting though, is that even if the correct choice is to support feminism despite its sordid history, the response to antifeminist or even just feminist-sceptical trans women is still insane. You think a movement which has been tarnished so badly by transphobia would be a little bit more understanding to those trans women who are reticent to interact with it, but instead all they receive is shaming, misgendering, and outright hostility. There aren’t even attempts to create dialogue around this issue, unless you first kiss the feminist ring and swear undying allegiance, in which case any dialogue you do attempt to make will be neutered from the start, set out entirely according to the terms of cis feminists. 

A retort might be that feminism means equal opportunity for women, or ending oppressive structures against women, or gender equality, or whatever else, and so the only reason you could be opposed to it is due to being a misogynist who hates women. This is a specious argument. Movements are defined by their members’ actions, goals, and political stances–not by a pithy, idealised definition which floats in a vacuum. Unless you transfeminists think that the only reason one might be opposed to MRAs is simply because one thinks men should have no rights?

In sum, I see no reason to support a movement that hates me and wants me gone, nor do I see any reason for my sisters to support it either. Antifeminism is the only path to true liberation for trans people, and I dream of the day most trans women shed this unhelpful ideology.

[neopronouns]

flag id: the top left flag has 5 stripes, which are dark faded blue, light grey, very light grey, light grey, and dark dull pink. the top right flag has 7 stripes, with the fourth being three times the size of the rest, which are very dark faded blue, dark faded blue, soft blue, light silver, faded pink, dark faded pink, and very dark faded red-pink.

the bottom left flag has 6 stripes, which are dark faded blue, soft blue, dull golden yellow, faded pink, dark dull red-pink, and very dark grey. the bottom middle flag has 7 stripes, which are very dark faded blue, medium dark faded blue, light blue, medium dark faded purple, light pink, medium dark faded pink, and very dark faded red-pink. the bottom right flag has 7 stripes, which are dark dull red-pink, dull light blue, dull golden yellow, off-white, dull golden yellow, dull light blue, and dark dull red-pink. end id.

banner id: a 1600x200 teal banner with the words ‘please read my dni before interacting. those on my / dni may still use my terms, so do not recoin them.’ in large white text in the center. the text takes up two lines, split at the slash. end id.

cisfloral: a term for cis feminine men/boys, cis feminine manhood/boyhood, etc.

trisfloral/cistransfloral/transcisfloral: a term for tris/cistrans/transcis feminine men/boys, tris/cistrans/transcis feminine manhood/boyhood, etc.

sensfloral: someone who relates to the transfloral experience, but only sometimes, temporarily, or partially

adfloral: a term for moving towards a feminine man/boy identity, feminine manhood/boyhood, etc.

isofloral: a term for feminine men/boys who are neither cis nor trans, neither cis nor trans feminine manhood/boyhood, etc.

[pt: cisfloral: a term for cis feminine men/boys, cis feminine manhood/boyhood, etc.

trisfloral/cistransfloral/transcisfloral: a term for tris/cistrans/transcis feminine men/boys, tris/cistrans/transcis feminine manhood/boyhood, etc.

sensfloral: someone who relates to the transfloral experience, but only sometimes, temporarily, or partially

adfloral: a term for moving towards a feminine man/boy identity, feminine manhood/boyhood, etc.

isofloral: a term for feminine men/boys who are neither cis nor trans, neither cis nor trans feminine manhood/boyhood, etc. end pt]

various -floral modalities for anon! these are all originally based on transfloral and under the cenifloral umbrella (some are also under the transfloral umbrella, of course).

the cisfloral flag uses colors from this cis flag, the trisfloral flag is based on this cistrans/transcis flag, the sensfloral flag is based on the senslunar and senstidal flags, the adfloral flag is based on the admasculine and adfeminine flags, and the isofloral flag is based on the isolunar and isotidal flags.

tags: @radiomogai | dni link

[drdemonprince]

Have you read any of Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinhas works on disability? I find her stories especially about activism initiatives and groups like sins invalid but I've been completely thrown off by their use of "femmes" as an umbrella term. I'm worried I might be missing some context on the usefulness of the term because of my white context but ur recent post in response to a question abt womxn seemed like an insightful and confident assertion of the terms limitations so I wondered if you had any advice for navigating the kind of jarring experience of seeing someone use identity language in the pursuit of justice that feels super uncomfortable in its vagueness but being worried that your own internal prejudices might be the source of that discomfort.

It all comes down to discernment I think.

Fundamentally there's a degree of self-trust you have to build in your own ability to pool information and thought from a wide variety of sources, taking what is useful, releasing what is not, reflecting upon what challenges you in a meaningful way, and then synthesizing all of that into a greater understanding of the world that is distinctly your own, without finding it threatening that others are also doing the same thing with what information that they have and will always arrive somewhere slightly different.

I don't agree with their use of femmes. I have seen other activists of similar orientations use "femmes" to highlight the fact that a lot of organizing labor falls onto women, and I get what they're trying to do with the term -- and I think it's completely misplaced and that they'd have a better way of talking about it if their work was more informed by the contributions of transexual people, especially trans women. I think the perspectives of butch people and trans mascs are also largely absent from that analysis, particularly Black trans men.

But I don't expect anyone that I'm reading to be a perfect reflection of my own beliefs and my politics. I am the reflection of what I know and believe, I don't need anybody else to be that, and thus somebody having a slightly differing view or base of knowledge from me is not an existential threat.

Whenever I notice that someone does use different language from my own, I pay close attention to what they are meaningfully saying, and I ask myself whether their use of language reflects a set of biases that skews their overall worldview.

In many authors who use language like "women and femmes," I do very much see an exclusion of butch women, nonbinary people, trans men, and trans women, and a lack of awareness of how being perceived as masculine effects Black trans people. But this is revealed to me by their broader attitudes, the way they summarize and explain social problems, the examples they choose to give, and the overall deeper content of what they are saying -- not their choice of a single term or another. I take a person with a grain of salt if they use that term -- but I still take them.

On the whole there's a lot to be valued within that authors' work. And they also have areas where I think they are less prepared to be a reliable source of expertise. And the same can certainly be said for me. In general I think we need to stop searching for catchall gender terms -- especially those of us who are transmisogyny exempt and/or non Black and distinctly positioned to not really "get" the ways that we're failing at it, and that includes both Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinhas and me.

[nelliesnellie]

Hit by a Tegan And Sara Shaped Brick

Have you ever heard a song for the first time in over a decade, completely forgotten about? It hits you like a fucking brick. Or that's how it works for me anyway.

This is basically a journal-y musing about Tegan And Sara, growing up kinda repressed, and mowing lawns while listening to college radio.

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

I'm having a pretty angsty day as it is — something that listening to Tegan And Sara was never bound to help. But I have a 12ish-year-old mental note rattling around my brain that says "listen to Tegan and Sara" and I needed to clear some clutter. Besides, apparently I'm a dyke in Canada. To not give them a go would be simply irresponsible.

So picking an album somewhat at random, I put on The Con. Immediately good shit. I can get pretty nostalgic about 2000s indie music, even though I only got into it in like 2010. Maybe missing out on the heyday is part of that nostalgia — after all, nostalgia is based missing an experience more than it is living one. I got through two-thirds of the album. It's a great experience. This is no surprise. I am, in fact, the demographic. Every time one of their songs has come up in the past its made me want to do this dive and it was not disappointing.

And then the song "Nineteen" starts playing. I'm hit by a peculiar wave of emotion and I stop playing Tetris mid-game. THIS WAS IT. I had heard it once before, about 12 years ago, and was immediately smacked upside the head with a clear memory.

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In my mid-teens I had a summer job mowing lawns. Yeah that's right. I'm intimately familiar with the blended smell of fresh cut grass, gasoline, and occasionally hot dog shit. The sound of the mower engine masking a chorus of bugs. This was in Northern New York — a largely rural place which comes with most of the expectations one might have of the American countryside.

It was an awkward place to grow up as a queer indie kid. Hell, I didn't have the resources to even begin to understand that I was a transfeminine lesbian. I just knew I was different, that something was off.

I did not take for granted any accessible source of "cool music." This included the local college radio station. It went to shit by the time I attended that school, but in my mid-teens it was exactly what one wants of a college radio station, playing its delightful indie nonsense. And when I mowed lawns, I would often tune in on the radio built into my chunky, noise-protective headset I wore to protect me from the wretched sound of the combustion engine.

And that's how I heard "Nineteen" by Tegan And Sara for the first time. And the song HIT. It's full of this longing passion. To me it evoked a deep yearning for something I couldn't even articulate. "I felt you in my legs before I even met you." It was aesthetically and thematically evocative of something I was missing without being able to articulate. Something so deep I don't think I could've spoken about it, to quote an entirely separate artist. And their sound has this undeniable "cool girl" energy that was deeply aspirational to me in a way I didn't even understand at the time (classic trans girl egg situation).

In spite of all that, I never followed up on looking them up though. Probably because this was the iTunes days when I only got music from sharing mp3s with friends, the weekly free iTunes downloads, and the occasional iTunes giftcards. But it was one of those memorable first-listen experiences, like the time I first heard Regina Spektor laying in my bed one night listening to the same station on a shitty handmedown mp3 player that had a built in radio. Ugh. Why does Spektor have to be a Zionist?

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I think this aesthetic of cool-girl longing is why it hit me so hard back then, and hearing it for the second time at nearly 30. By this point I've found myself, I've found my people, I've found my life. I've made it across that enigmatic chasm I felt the first time I heard it. It's not really a journey I think about that often, it just is what it is. But this time it just swept me down like an undertow.

I don't even know that its an amazing song. Like its a GOOD song. But I feel like my subjective experience is what makes it really hit.

Time travel is a heavy drug. Maybe next time I'll talk about hearing Tubthumping for the first time as an adult lmao.

[sahonithereadwolf]

I want to hear about the cool new werewolf metaphors and the terror 👀

I think one of the biggest reasons werewolves don't have as easy of a time connecting as a terrifying thing is how far removed cultural whiteness is from nature and the wilderness. Like people have no idea how intimidating a wolf is or what a wolf means. Let alone a wolf with the mind of a man and the compunctions that implies. They see...big dog. People don't want to be scared by the big dog, they want to pet it. There is no respect for the wolf as it's own being let alone a part of nature. The fear of the werewolf lies in two forms. Reminding people that a werewolf is a force of nature. Not in a "this is a tornado with a vendetta" sort of way, but a "this is a living being with agency and a place and surviving, but largely indifferent to your being" way. Like a bear or tiger. A bear or tiger does not care for your morals. It holds no stock to them. it is living by it's own moral standards. By it's nature. And you respect that or you learn the hard way why you should have like every year a collection of tourist who try to have their disney princess moment with a buffalo live for instagram do. The other form is within the metaphor. The werewolf is an inherently sympathetic creature as a person who is also a, well, person, at least some of the time. Most of the time when you see a werewolf it is a stand in for a very human idea of violence in one form or another be it rage, sexualized violence, vengeance. Man giving into the beast. It's often very much cast as masculine for that reason. Toxic masculinity made manifest. Puberty is another big one because you have bodies and hair and sometimes the moon matters. Like it makes sense but I am tired of these and most of them never connect. I think there is room for them. I love seeing what trans artist have made with the idea of a werewolf. I think I would have a lot to say about puberty from a racialized angle and what it's like being seen as a monster and predator at 10. But it's sympathetic and centering a marginalized experience. The terror is experiencing the sympathy for the "monster" and the human reaction to it. And it can be in many forms. Both the lens through which we see that monster and the human reaction to it. I think there is something poetic and sad about the werewolf as an outsider or someone who walks in two worlds. A creature that is so intrinsically social being denied connection to a community, or having to fight for that. I use to write a lot of werewolf fic based off my struggles with PTS. Seeing yourself as a monster that you need to keep under control. But being too afraid of letting go of that monster because you might still need it to survive. How tired and cold it makes you. I just think that if people want to pet the wolf, you make them need it. Understand the wolf on it's own terms and the horrors it sees.

[sethystarz]

I would just like to give a quick second to shout out this song on my blog.

I don’t necessarily have a big community here or a large audience I can reach but if anyone’s interested in reading please do.

I think this is single-handedly the best song about gender dysphoria ever written. Of course, this is just my opinion, but it’s truly phenomenal in my eyes.

In only a few simple lines, continuously repeated to move her point, Laura Les voices what gender dysphoria feels like intricately. As a trans individual I can feel the pain in the experiences this song is based off of. Never feeling fully human and wondering why you were born into the body you were. It’s so off-putting when you look around and see what you feel you were meant to be.

Laura Les is my hero and I suppose I just wanted to pay a special tribute to her on my blog. Thank you, Laura. Thank you for being my inspiration and my voice.

[m0thmancore]

a different post about religion and queer praxis

Let's talk about this. specifically because one anti-theistic asshole on a forum pissed me off enough to write a fucking essay post about the subject.

I was raised agnostic and still am. I don't consider myself any more culturally Christian than living in the States would make me by exposure. Obviously, a lot of Christians are horrible, bigoted people. No one's saying they're not. (note: I'm just talking about Christians here because I thoroughly do not know enough about other religious ones – very Christian area here. This isn't scholarly in any way it's just based on my own experiences with religion)

I've had Christians – good, humble servants of the Lord's word – spit at me in public, threaten to hurt me, splash my friends with holy water for the crime of being visibly disabled. The group of insecure, bigoted losers – because that's all they are – attempting to legislate people like me out of existence are by and large predominantly devout Christians. I have every single justified reason someone could ask for to hate Christians as a group.

but I don't.

(my high school english teachers would yell at me for starting a sentence with a conjunction)

I don't, and here's why. My mother is Catholic. Every Christmas morning, we open presents together and then she goes to service – her one act of worship a year. She's never misgendered or deadnamed my openly nonbinary cousin, who is infinitely braver than me. I'm not out to her, but I know if I came out she would hug me and go take me to get ice cream while apologizing for ever making me feel unsafe enough I had to wait this long. When she had a student she suspected was trans, I never heard her deadname them either. She's been in my corner my entire life, and yet she's a Christian.

I don't hate them all because of the local nondenominational church near me who has repeatedly been the main organizer and benefactor of my town's Pride every June for years, standing strong and refusing to cancel the event in the face of six dozen other local churches writing and signing a letter to my town government telling them this event goes against the word of the Lord. That church flies pride flags next to their sign, and replaces them and raises them higher every time they get stolen to be burned and pissed on. That church has a nonbinary reverend, who is absolutely delightful company and approaches good-natured non-queer people with love in their heart to explain gay and trans issues to people 60-70 years old and older, who all listen eagerly and acceptingly even though they themselves are also pious servants of the Lord and have been since the days of Stonewall and the AIDS crisis. When that church was partially firebombed over hosting a drag brunch, they built back and stood strong in the face of the threats, because they understood that abandoning queer people when threatened gave power to those threats. That church provides Christian services, but also worship spaces for Jewish and Muslim people who live here, since we're very isolated from any temples or synagogues, and have received pushback for this as well. (i think these are the right words – again, i really don't know much about those religions) They have a sign above the door that says welcome in English, Hebrew, and Arabic. When I walk in there, I do feel welcome. That church gave me the first place I felt comfortable to present openly to strangers as a woman, and yet they're predominantly Christians.

I don't hate them all because of the Lutheran church I pass on the way to work, whose sign is lit with queer and trans flags in the shape of hearts, captioned by "God's love is for all." I don't go to worship. The only verses of the Good Book that I know are the ones that bigots level against me. And yet, I cry a bit every time I drive by that church because of how good it feels to know someone is listening and willing to stand with people like me right now, and the people listening are Christian.

I don't hate them all because of the Methodist church I worked Sunday food service as a volunteer at because I was desperately in love with one of the non-binary volunteers, of which there were five or six. The mostly older people who came through the line for omelets after the early service were respectful of these visibly trans line cooks and wait staff, even occasionally asking for names and pronouns and curiously and openly discussing gender with if we had the time. When one pastor gave a sermon about how queer people were made in the image of God as well as non-queer people that I sat through as a not-yet-out agnostic girl, I felt loved, even as half the church left in a rage and the pastor forgave them, understanding they had been misled. All of those people were Christians.

I don't hate Christians, I hate bigots, and there is a world of difference between those two categories, even if they do overlap frequently. Painting all Christians as frenzied, screaming queermisic pundits ignores the work that some of them do for people like me, who live in places where the church is the best safety net there is.

I don't believe in the Lord or his word. When I reach out and show love to people who don't necessarily understand me but will show me the same courtesy, it's because I believe it's the right thing to do, not because I was told it was. And yet, some of those who were told that and believed it as I did have been my greatest allies.

(if you made it this far, thanks for reading my emotional ranting lmao)