#this is largely based off of my experience being trans

[queer-scots-geordie-dyke]

It's difficult to be in left wing/liberal spaces (online and off) at the moment because the conversation always seems to drift to Israel/Palestine and there is a huge assumption (in left wing spaces among left wing people) that because you are (for example) an environmentalist or a supporter of trans people you are automatically pro-Palestine and anti-Israel too. I find myself having to ignore A LOT of hatred toward Jewish people these days from places and people I used to feel almost completely onboard with. I am not Jewish but I can vividly imagine, if I were, how devastating this realization would be. How suddenly unwelcome I would feel. How it would make me think "wow there really is nowhere besides Israel that is safe to be Jewish".

I have found myself switching to donating to Israeli environmental organizations and Israeli LGBTQ spaces because the UK-based ones I used to support keep posting about Palestine and the evil of Israel and I just can't with that.

The feminist spaces, the environmental spaces, the LGBTQ spaces, musicians I used to love.. I've stopped going, I've unfollowed. It's depressing. But I will NOT support anti-semitism. I will NOT support terrorism. I will NOT support Arab Muslim colonialism and expansionism. I will NOT support revisionist history or fundamentalist Islamist ideology. I will NOT infantilize Palestinians and regard them patronisingly as simply poor helpless victimized brown people that righteous white people must defend. I just won't. I don't care how trendy it becomes in left wing circles. I won't do it. I support my Israeli friends and Jewish people at large. I sympathize with them. I agree with Israelis right to defend themselves, their right to exist as a country and their ancient connection to the land. I even understand their anger. And no that doesn't make me a "genocide apologist" or a "baby killer" or a "zio-nazi" (ffs) no matter how many times those accusations are repeated. Good grief.

I'd say 'I despair' but truly I do not. I do have hope. I hope some of my former friends and peers will eventually come around. I hope they'll be embarrassed and sorry. I don't expect it but I hope. I will continue to be an environmentalist. I will continue to be a feminist. I will continue to support LGBTQ rights. I will not be pushed out of those spaces or away from those things by another subject I disagree with. I understand enough about propaganda and history and peer pressure and group think to endure and try to be forgiving (in advance.) But lord I'd be lying if I said it wasn't disappointing and disheartening and occasionally terrifying seeing and hearing people I know (thought I knew) and love (loved?) suddenly donning keffiyehs and waving signs with the Star of David crossed out on them (or re-drawn as a swastika.) And the utter lack of willingness to even try to see things from another perspective.

I could have written every single word of this myself - it’s been an incredibly disheartening experience seeing people and organisations I had so much respect for, who have done and continue to do amazing work in other areas, lose the plot completely and forget and betray every single one of their own ideals when it comes to Israel and to Jews in general. It’s like this monstrous antisemitism was lying dormant in so many people, just waiting to be awakened and the fact that it was a massacre where Israelis were the victims that did it disgusts me on so deep a level I don’t have words adequate to describe it.

They can pretend all they like that it’s the war that they’re protesting, that it’s because they care so much about the Palestinians, but it’s all bollocks. Innocent Israelis were being raped and tortured and massacred and kidnapped and these fuckers were celebrating while it was still happening and they were rallying in the streets protesting against Israel before they’d even fired a single retaliatory shot and before their dead were even cold. They pretend to give a shit about Palestinians, but where the fuck are they when the people of Gaza are rising up against Hamas and being tortured and murdered by their favourite terrorist idols for daring to oppose them? If they can’t blame the eternal scapegoat, they don’t give a shit.

[dolphin-diaries]

i apologise if this is too venty or oversharing. i've been reading your and talia's essays while in the middle of my own gender-crisis and while i recognise them as the most comprehensive and sensible framework i've seen to understand how the patriarchy works - and i regret how this might come off as a whiny "what about me" - when patriarchy forces us into these strict biodestinies, what's the point of transitioning or trying to express your gender outside the box? again i do not mean this as a gotcha or declaring that people shouldn't transition ever, but the closest thing i've got to describing myself is "dykegender" and i know declaring myself as one would be met with raised eyebrows and "humouring the crazy" at best and being violently regendered into broodmare at worst. it's already so hard to explain and declare myself and just be seen as a lesbian, and i'm struggling to see if there's any benefits to openly being a deviant woman-dyke-thing vs swallowing my (relatively minor) dysphoria

thank you for reading this. thank you for your writing. i hope i come off as sincere and with respect.

I'm glad you find our writing thought-provoking. And yeah, first of all, I want to say that I empathise with your feelings--I think a lot of queer people struggle with existing legibly, because queerness is made illegible by the patriarchy. So your "what's even the point??" question makes sense.

Because I don't know you, I'm going to have to make some assumptions and answer from multiple angles, sometimes over explaining myself, because I don't know what baseline you're coming from. I hope that's okay.

Firstly, transition can actually change the way people gender you, even in places where trans-ness is very invisible. But based on what you wrote, I'm going to assume you're dissatisfied with simply shifting your perceived sex from woman to man or vice versa. Secondly, if you have physical dysphoria, addressing that will help you even if no one else on the planet recognises that as anything of importance. It's still your body to live in 24/7, and you'll be happier if you like living in it.

When it comes to the function of patriarchy, you probably understand that Talia and I talk about the overarching emergent system. Its details differ by location and culture and subculture--the core large-scale tendencies stay largely the same, but their expression and severity changes. More to the point, not all people follow patriarchal prescripts all the time or at all. So, an environment that does not denigrate you because you call yourself dykegender, and that does not treat you or women like would-be broodmares, is possible--I can attest to that from personal experience. Even if people in such an environment don't understand what your specific gender means, trust me they are capable of not treating you like shit. You are not submitting yourself to the judgement of the entire world at all times, and you do not need to measure the worthiness of your actions by the worst treatment you get or might get.

In other words, finding friends and community with people that do see you is possible--they exist, you're reading essays by some of them. I will not deny that there will still be people that meet you with confusion and hostility, but to say that their existence makes the entirety of your being a lost cause is a bit fatalistic. I feel like the good times we have in our queer communities, big and small, are not less worthwhile or fulfilling because of the suppression we face outside.

Lastly, I'm going to give you advice that you might scoff at, but hear me out. The thing with writings about social constructs of patriarchy and disability and so on is that they're not good at inspiring contentment and affirmative happy fun times. That isn't their purpose. But human beings need some amount of affirmative happy fun times, especially in crisis. That leads to some human beings sticking their heads in the sand and never emerging to face reality again, but you seem to have the exact opposite tendency.

So I will recommend that you seek out lesbian genderfucky fiction in whatever way you prefer to consume fiction. Talia and I both write that occasionally, but this isn't a plug and I don't know what you like. Regardless, the psyche is a muscle that needs rest, and escapist and cathartic fiction is a form of rest in which your mind gets to try on different realities and experience them in a safe environment. And, in seeking out people that create fiction resembling the kind of worlds you'd like to live in, you can also connect with people that also enjoy that fiction--meaning, they're probably like you, and will understand you. This isn't per se about fandom, but rather shared dreams and aspirations and communities. Even when you're isolated in a terrible situation IRL, that can give you solace for the moment and eventually strength to try and change your circumstance--and friends who can help you do that, including materially.

[doberbutts]

So I'm going to ask an honest question here and ask you please explain in layman's terms. Every trans person I know irl has no concept of the transandrophobia discourse but every time I see more of it online I'm...unsettled, and it takes a lot to power through all the terminology.

I initially was really receptive to transandrophobia because the rationale behind being against it sounded stupid and akin to label discourse in the queer community. I saw "being a man is not an axis of oppression therefore you don't get your Own Word" and thought that was pedantic nonsense, that language doesn't need to adhere to that rule, and that it's helpful to have a term designated towards transmasculine experiences so people can find those experiences easier. Not that trans women's experiences aren't also beneficial! But that, well, obviously no matter how similar the experience birds of a feather and that sense of comfort of sharing identity still matters. This is true for other issues of identity too, I find, weather that's a good thing or a bad thing idk, but it is human.

The thing is I follow a lot of transwomen and have been seeing some alarms being raised about the community being formed around this word. You blocked one of the most egregious offenders so I trust you (which is why I'm asking sorry) I've seen a lot of misogyny and essentialism from people using the term "transandrophobia" and more egregiously "transmisandry." Idk your opinion on the latter term (I haven't scrolled down far enough on your blog, sorry if you talked about this before) but to me it's unconscionable. I was taught that transandrophobia existed as a term specifically NOT to use that term, that elevating misandry to a legitimate issue was dangerous for obvious reasons and it was one of the reasons why I was so supportive of transandrophobia. To me, it seemed like an awareness that misogyny was the prevailing issue behind all issues of gender oppression, but when I actually look at the tag I...get uncomfortable.

Blogs I follow have repeatedly been upset at misogyny from this community, and have been using the term "transandrobro" to describe behavior they find akin to cis MRAs. I've truly seen horrible things with hundreds, sometimes thousands of notes to it that do, unfortunately, feel like women are being blamed for the plight of trans men. I've seen cis people say they were originally on MRA reddits and then came to tumblr to "confront the misandry directly" only to wholeheartedly adopt transandrophobia into their worldview. It's hard because I KNOW I shouldn't judge a community based on a few crazies but it truly does feel sometimes like "transandrophobia" gives misogynists a venue to air their woman-hating to an eager audience, kinda like how "Karen" has been co-opted beyond the og meaning of being for racist white woman to any woman being mildly rude.

So like, here it is: can transandrophobia exist without being co-opted by misogynists? Is there a threshold of proliferation for misogynists destroying this word until a new one needs to be made? Or will every word trying to identify the transmasculine experience be inevitably co-opted by misogynists because misogynists are just that powerful, so people should double down harder on the word and work to push misogynists out?

(Also am I going crazy, or did this word a year ago used to have a WAY better community than the one I see nowadays. Back then I could find your blog and really compassionate people easily, and now it's just...bad.)

It is a little hard to understand some of this post but I will do my best to answer what I think is being asked.

To put simply, I think the reason why it was better a year or two ago is because the majority of the people who were actually trying to further the conversation and not just circle jerk in the echo chamber got chased off. Transandrophobia, anti-transmasculinity, transandromisia, transmascphobia... the guys who coined these are largely either not posting at all anymore or post far far less than they used to. They were harassed and the constant exposure to transphobia made them shut down their blogs for their own mental health. Not all of them, but a lot of the so-called "big names" had this happen.

Even I stopped posting for a while and shuttered the doors for a bit outside of a long queue of dog photos because of how much it was affecting my mental health.

In their place remain people who are not committed to the same conversation. Perhaps they are younger, or less familiar with the building blocks of theory that really should be required reading, or are still stuck in their "everything sucks and it's YOUR fault" phase. Maybe they do come from different places, like 4chan or reddit, which are less prone to this sort of discussion. A lot of the original crowd had been on tumblr long enough to remember when we could still edit posts, and I keep seeing people who would have been in elementary school at that time posting to the tag nowadays.

I was discussing this problem on discord with a small group of friends and one of them- a trans fem- called it second wave transandrophobia discourse as a bitter joke. I think she is more right than wrong, regardless.

I'm not sure who you believe I've blocked- in general I don't air out who I block on this blog because at nearly 12k followers there are too many people who would love to dogpile someone for the sin of disagreeing with me and I do my best to prevent that. I don't want anyone to be harassed, after all. There's a lot of assumptions that have been made about my block and follow behavior that vary from "hilarious but untrue" to "outright offensive slander".

People are people, and some people are shitheads. Trans mascs and people who want to support trans mascs are not exempt from that. I say this all the time- Kayne West is objectively a shitty person but his existence doesn't prove the concept of antiblackness to be a myth. Caitlyn Jenner is objectively a shitty person but her existence doesn't prove the concept of transmisogyny to be a myth. So why do shitty trans mascs prove our own theory to be dangerous or nonexistent? Why hold us to a higher standard than any other marginalized group?

I could ask you the same question- there are posts on here with hundreds, sometimes thousands, of notes made by trans fems and cis women who blame their problems with transmisogyny on trans mascs. There are people coming from reddit, Twitter, 4chan who are being actively transphobic and misogynistic and claiming they're doing it for the good of transfeminism. There are posts filled with misogyny and bioessentialism and gender essentialism and even interphobia and racism and transphobia being left completely unchecked. Do you think it would be acceptable for me to ask if that means transmisogyny theory should be abandoned or if we should just accept that it will draw people with bad intentions?

Or do you think the better answer is to focus instead on finding those with a good head on their shoulders, and making sure it's them who has their voice heard? Do you think we should maybe not judge entire demographics because there exists some shitty people who claim the same identity?

[genderqueerdykes]

the post you just shared about being both a trans man and a dyke reminded me of something that ive been wanting to talk about for a while now but haven't been able to so far.

im brazilian. the country with one of the biggest pride parades in the world while also being in the highest rates of violence towards lgbt people. queer culture here is weird, and maybe i missed out on it because i was able to find refuge online among the english speaking community relatively early.

ive been observing something that i wrongly assumed was our own version of the butch/femme community, and for a second i got really excited bc we all know butch loneliness, but the more i started looking into it, the more of its completely rotten entrails they showed me.

it's a disfigurement of the ideas that i have held to my heart so dearly ever since i read stone butch blues for the first time, and even more as i discovered leslie feinberg, and found out that there really were others like me. they use the term "desfem" (as in "defeminized"), and the definition explicitly states that the individual must be a cis woman, quoting some terf-tier bullshit that would make joanne proud.

hating men is their entire personality, and it's so shallow and based on cishet gender roles that there is no "femme" counterpart, because they see no way to perform femininity outside of patriarchal roles. they want the aesthetics of butchness without the hardships of living as one. the trans community carries these people on their backs and still they're more worried about how some dykes are trans too.

i don't know where im going with this, i just need to get it off my chest to someone who would at least have an idea of what im talking about. it's so disheartening to see the community head towards this direction, and i grow less and less interested in forming bridges with cis people as time goes on lol

i wanted to thank you for taking the time to send it, i really appreciate these thoughts! i get contacted by a lot of brazilian people. i think that's super cool! i've heard that despite how large your queer scene is that it's still very queerphobic and that's unfortunate, but it does happen.

"hating men is their entire personality, and it's so shallow and based on cishet gender roles that there is no "femme" counterpart, because they see no way to perform femininity outside of patriarchal roles."

i really appreciate the way you said this! i've been trying to point this out for a while now and i'm glad you've come to this realization, yourself.

for whatever reason, cis lesbian, dyke and sapphic spaces are obsessed with the butch-femme binary. it's romanced to hell and back but it's very restrictive and patriarchal. implying that romantic relationships must fall into a masculine partner + feminine partner structure is cisheteromative. there's not much representation for butch4butch, butch4all, femme4femme and femme4all people. the idea that the masculine partner must be strong and protect the weak feminine partner that can't defend themselves is a patriarchal dynamic.

all of the lesbian yearning posts are about how butches are tops and doms and how all femmes are bottoms and subs. butch becomes synonymous with penis and femme becomes synonymous with vagina. calling butches 'chivalrous knights' dehumanizes them and reduces them to being protector figures. the way cis femmes online go on and on and on about how they "need" a butch is very alarming. femmes are being framed as dependent and as though they can't function unless they have a butch in their life, which is very misogynistic.

it's just a repeat of cishet- the patriarchal relationship formatting applies here, even if the genders are slightly tweaked. it's in the coding. it's literally a copy and paste job. it's lazy and toxic as hell and it leaves out all of the diversity that comes with lesbianism and how butches and femmes can experience life and love and sexuality in a variety of ways.

the thing is, as a genderqueer person, i've never understood why people are so attached to this binary. it's so restrictive. i'm butch, but not in the way that white cis lesbians define it. the way they tlel you how to be butch is so restrictive it's not even funny. it's like you gotta pass a test. you gotta be stereotypically masculine 100% of the time or else you're not a real butch. you're expected to emulate a cishet guy, but if you identify as a guy, all hell breaks loose. if you think about it people basically force butches to identify as men and then hold it at arm's reach away. like you have to act exactly like a man but be a Woman. and it makes no fucking sense.

lesbians are some of the most gender diverse people out there. it's crazy to me that people are trying to force lesbians, people who are known for being gender weird, into a male-female cishet binary but with a lesbian Womyn coat of paint. i wish you better luck in finding community that wants to stick together instead of fight over petty bullshit that doesn't matter. take care of yourself. feel free to stop by again any time

[catboybiologist]

Hey, I'm not meaning to come off as rude or condescending like prev anon regarding this but rather just to explain, and I may not do a great job because I struggle a lot with cognitive dysfunction and brain fog:

Transandrophobia doesn't denote a societal hatred of men or masculinity, it specifically denotes how/from what angle misogyny informs transphobia against trans men/mascs. That's it.

Because to peri cis het normative society Assigned Male is Better than Assigned Female, they rationalize trans femmes/women as "men actually just trying to prey on women" and in the inverse, rationalize trans mascs/men as "women just trying to gain male privilege and power over other women" like it's Also about victimizing (usually white) Peri Cis Het Women and using a minority as a scape goat for the anger and fear that should be going towards predatory peri cis het men rather than dealing with the actual issue, e.g. the patriarchy itself.

The word means exactly what you attributed it to in passing, and has never meant a general fear or anger towards men, it's a general fear or anger towards trans men/mascs for being *perceived* as women Trying to be seen as men for the sake of harming other women, or bits and pieces of that rhetoric, and it's deeply ingrained in society at large as well as a pretty hefty chunk of the queer community as well. It's what informs ideas like "trans men/mascs can't face misogyny because they're Men" in queer spaces as well as "trans men/mascs are grooming impressionable teenage girls into ruining their bodies" or "trans men/mascs are just rebellious and deviant women trying to betray other women and oppress them," in society at large. Like we as a community largely agree, it's Also based in misogyny and transphobia, we just have a specific word for it too because the rhetoric changes when we are the target instead, and it changes a lot of our experiences as a result, so it's a lot easier to talk about when you have a term that denotes all of those experiences in one fell swoop.

I mean yeah. This is what I'm saying. This is restating a lot of what I've already said.

I honestly don't have much of an opinion on the word "transandrophobia" itself, only its use as a direct foil to transmisogyny. If this is what you wanna wrap into transandrophobia, that's totally w/e, it's just down to the words you use.

I don't think it's "never meant a general fear or anger towards men" because I do genuinely see people talking about "the rise of man hating in the queer community" and how that affects transmascs. People also DO use it as direct "opposite" to transmisogyny. Oftentimes, I feel like it's because they misunderstand transmisogyny more than anything else but I'll just be rehashing it here.

Like yeah idk. I don't have a problem with a word basically ever. I see transandrophobia used to shit down conversations about transmisogyny, though, or brush off the areas of privilege that trans men do have sometimes. Maybe it's just the nature of being in primarily transfemme online circles and being most exposed to it when it's an interjection, but yeah. Idk.

Idk this is a side note but I'm realizing now that I don't think I've ever outright said that transandrophobia doesn't exist. I mean I've explained my viewpoints in detail at this point but I feel like, y'know, again, I got lumped in with the exact words of other bloggers talking about transmisogyny. Which y'know. I love and respect estrogenesis and others I can't recall off the top of my head but I'm not them, and I don't have the exact same opinions as them.

Also, turning off reblogs cuz I think I'm done discussing this for now, and I won't be responding to further akss. It's down to this level of picking nits and I'm just kinda tired of this stuff right now. When a discussion about something this relatively nitpicky stretches into multiple days then I think it's just time for me to stop lol

[crowley-winter-boots]

Instead of humouring the messages in the screenshot, I would like to make a post regarding people who think this way. DO NOT LOOK FOR THIS INDIVIDUAL OR HARASS THEM. I know people like to jump the gun and do that online, so please don't bother with it. I am making this post to address, that you can in fact, still protest without attending mass protests and that not everyone is able to attend those mass protests.

(*Notice how I didn't "name call", I said "I won't reply anymore as I'm PRETTY SURE you're trolling." I was making an observation based on past experiences, and I'm still convinced they were only saying this to cause problems.)

You CAN still protest without going to larger protests. Its OKAY if you can't attend those large protests.

Here are some ways you can help out if you're unable to go to a protest!

Spread the word

One of the best ways to get people to attend is to tell other people about it! The more people that know, the more that can know when and where to show up.

Find a way that fits you to do something as an individual

There are a few ways you can go about this, but here is what I've personally been doing:

- I've been wearing a pride flag to school. Specifically, the trans flag. Pride flags banned from hanging up in schools? Nothing in the dress code that denies it. It will make people angry and confused, but it will also make people like you feel seen. I've had a lot of negative reactions from students and teachers alike, but there have been fellow queer kids who walk up to me and talk to me about my flag, often saying they wish they had one of their own. I'm planning on painting "WE THE PEOPLE" on it soon (I was going to this weekend, but there was too much going on and I didn't want to start a project I couldn't finish before school on Monday.)

- Make a battle vest (or any other punk fashion, such as crust pants!) I've been working on mine, and will post the patches and progress soon. I've been meaning to make one for a while for myself, but put it off until recently. I'll also make a post going more into detail on how you can make punk fashion yourself, and the ideology of punks.

**PLEASE NOTE. Both of these can be dangerous. Especially wearing a pride flag, as there is't anything that can make it safer. With the punk fashion, there are ways to make it safer, and I'll go more into detail on that on my other post: but essentially, you don't want any political statements or pride flags on the back. You won't see anyone coming, and they'll be less likely to attack you if they see it from the front.

Talk to local activist groups to set one up in your area

I'm not too sure about how this process works, as I haven't yet contacted any local activist groups to set up a protest. I'm not even sure if that's how you CAN set up a protest, but I asked around and this was the answer I had gotten. I'll make an update once I figure out how to set up a protest and if I personally was able to (and the details of the protest, ofc!)

Make signs or stickers to post in your community

There are a lot of ways you can make signs and/or stickers! I've never made a sign myself, so you'll have to do the research yourself for that, but you could make them as flyers with paper as well. But with stickers, they're relatively easy to make! I sold some for a while, and made about $250 off of it in just a few weeks by selling them on my school campus. You just need a pack of sticker paper (GLOSSY makes it shiny, MATTE makes it flat like printer paper,) a printer, and some kind of art app to import your images on. Fitting stickers is like a jigsaw puzzle- you'll need to rotate them at weird angles and fit any nook into any cranny. Find patterns, repeating patterns will make the process easier. The goal is to have as little white space as possible- but that being said, leave enough room between each sticker to give a solid border. A common mistake I made when I first started making stickers was overlapping the edges.

Join communities online

Discord servers are a good way to find online communities for people who want to oppose the American government! I am in a server that shares resources, information, protest days, and more. I can share the link in DMs, and you can also look online to find more.

Start a social media platform

That's what my blog is for! I'm posting online as a form of protest. There are a number of social media platforms (except Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, TikTok....) that you can advocate on. I do believe Tumblr and YouTube are the safest ones, and therefore have the biggest communities on there.

Buy banned books

THESE WON'T BE SOLD ANYMORE, SOON. They are information and knowledge the government is afraid of. The Diary of Anne Frank is on the list, which just goes to show how far they're going in this. They know they're fascists. They know America is going through the same beginning stages of a fascist dictator's overtake of a country. You can find a lot of these secondhand before they're gone. Find PDFs online of the books and download them in a place they can't be deleted. Physical copies are much better to have as they can't be taken away.

Pirate and get physical copies of music

Alphatron, FMovies, those are good sites for live action. WCO.tv is a good site for cartoons (and as far as I know, perfectly legal online archive!)

Learn how to burn CDs. Collect CDs. Collect vinyl records. And please, for the love of the Gods, DON'T USE SPOTIFY. I used Spotify because it was the easiest option for me, but they financially supported Trump's campaign. I switched to YouTube Music. Even the free version of Spotify supports the company- every song you listen to and every advertisement you sit through puts more coins into their bank account. I also have a vinyl collection I've been growing for 3-4 years. I'm thinking about learning how to burn CDs and get a Walkman (I currently don't have money, but I'm looking to get a job soon.) Like with the banned books, physical copies are the best. They'll have to pry it from your cold, dead hands.

That's all I have for now!! Feel free to add onto this with your own ways to protest and/or additional information from what I've already put.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for considering making a call out post about a well known fandom blogger who was transphobic towards me/ others?

We're both in a fandom that has a very large transmasc fan base, and they themself aren't cis (Bi-gender), so their post really caught me off guard... Especially because I was mentioned in it??

Let's call them Pink.

Earlier that day, yesterday, Pink had reblogged something from me. Someone sent Pink an Anon message saying that I had "trans misandry deniers dni" in my bio. The Anon then said they "didn't want to start anything" but knew Pink's opinion of it.

I had that in my bio because of the amount of people who think trans men don't face transphobia and that we have it easy.

✨Info break time✨

For those who don't know, trans misandry or transandrophobia, is the specific type of transphobia experienced by trans men/ transmasculine people. Like how trans fem peeps experience trans misogyny.

Ex. the idea that because we identify as men/ with a masculine gender, we are inherently dangerous/bad, are "joining the oppressors", or abandoning womanhood to gain male-privilege. And that we don't experience the hardships that most AFAB people face.

It has nothing to do with misandry against cis men, which on a systemic level I don't believe in at all.

✨back to the story✨

Pink responded to the Anon essentially saying that anyone who believes in transmisandry: is overemotional, shouldn't be taken seriously, and is the same as someone who believes in cis misandry.

This was... Super odd?? Like, the fandom they main is like 70% transmascs, they see us all the time. Why would they think that it's ok to say we don't face discrimination? It affects our lives so much and it weirded me out how they could think it was silly. And even posting my account's name for everyone to see was SUPER weird.

I was really hoping that Pink didn't understand what transmisandry was, and was just thrown-off by the word "misandry" being used. Because that's a common occurrence. So, I sent them a DM in hopes of explaining what they may have misunderstood.

In the DM I said I wasn't mad though I didn't appreciate them making the post about me, but I didn't think it was made in bad faith. I told them that my bio was referring to the specific type of transphobia I and other transmasculine people face and not CIS misandry. I ended my message saying that if they'd like to understand better, I'd be happy to answer any questions they had... and then they blocked me. I think I may have overstepped by doing this, but they did publicly ridicule me so ehgeh?

I don't know if they read my message or not because they didn't respond. I don't want to make anyone feel hurt bc they are pretty popular in the fandom and people like what they post. But I want others to be aware of how Pink feels about the probable majority of their followers and the fandom base they frequent.

So AITA and overreacting and let it alone?

What are these acronyms?

[cosmickid-inmotion]

You say you love being queer and writing queer stories but you write straight stories more than anything else. Not hating just seems like its about attention. You say you don't have interest in transitioning but you want to be called a man. It's just not realistic, and seems like you want internet clout. Or, is it because you've gotten called out for fetishizing gay men and now you want a buffer? You're obsession with gay men is weird, stop trying to make everything gay or transgendered. Santiago Garcia isn't trans and Fish isn't gay with Ben. Go back to being a boring tumblr girlie writing smut one shots of an innocent younger reader like everyone else and stop trying to tell a story you can't relate to like gay men

you guys this is my fault honestly. I turned off anons after I got called a slur (a slur for jewish people?? which i am not??? and which they spelled wrong????) but then turned on bc i was having a discussion on my blog about identifying with the term SA survivor vs. victim and wanted people to be able to chime in anonymously.

It's my fault for keeping anon on when I know this is what I get LOLOLOL

Brother, i dont even know what you're trying to say. Are you homophobic? because I make characters gay and trans? Are you transphobic because you don't think I can write gay mens stories bc I'm transmasc? Are you transmedicalist because you said I'm not trans if i dont want to transition? I DONT UNDERSTAND WHATS HAPPENING LOLOLOL

Honestly you sound like those transphobic men that suddenly really care about lesbians and lesbian spaces only because they think trans women going to lesbian bars is the downfall of society (go outside anon. Lesbians dont care if trans women are in their bars, by and large)

Let me make this clear. I am bigender. How I'm about to describe my experience with gender is not everyones, ad certainly not like that of trans men I know. It's mine.

I was afab. I spent probably 26 years identifying as a woman with a few spurts of trying out how they/them identity felt and not liking it. I still identify a little as female. I describe it like 90% masc 10% fem. thats why while I call myself a man and trans masc, there still that femininity there. That can be and is fluid. I, presenting as a woman, was the victim of a lot of gender based violence and manipulation that took advantage of me to varying degrees. From rape to men playing with my feelings. i experienced this as a woman and this is what I know. that's why much of my writing is women mc's and readers.

also, most of my audience are afab women. A lot of stuff i write isn't for me, but bc people have shown interest and i like doing that. In the last several months I've gotten to know more male and gender divserse creaters and have more than just women in my audience. they want more diverse characters, so ill give it.

I love writing all kinds of stories. I love queer stories. I love dark stories exploring how many women have been victimized by men. I like stories where women findd healing with good men. I love coming out stories. I love writing female mc's, like Jana and Sam, who still end up with men but are bisexual and are not any less bisexual. I like writing male characters as trans like Joel and Santi, especially santi because a lot of trans men i know can see themselves in his body type. I like it all.

Also, trans medicalists can fuck right off. You dont need to transition to be trans. Transitioning is not right for everyone. But even that aside, I've only said I dont want to go on T. I've said i want a breast reduction. Not that it's anyones business, but im pretty open.

anyway, your ask is all over the place and idk what you want lol

[foxgirlpirate]

so i saw your post celebrating your daughters and i have no idea what dynamic you all have (as in i dont know if you straight up adopted them or your just, that much of a goddesses blessing your trying to nurture them) but i just wanted to say that, the world needs more ladies like you. my mom is an alcoholic whos pretty much abusing my dad for trying to help her recover from the booze, ive gone no contact with her for so long and keep trying to get my dad away for his own safety. i wish i had known someone like you because holy fuck the thought of having a mother figure in my life is so comforting to me, if i had one i might have even come out of my egg a lot sooner, and im so glad someone out there is trying to provide that for people.

keep being wonderful <3

Heya anon!! First off, I just wanted to say thank you for sending me the ask and the kind words. I just really wanted to speak from the heart, and acknowledge two of the most important and impactful people in my life being my girls.

I’m not a mom in the sense that I actually adopted them or anything, but moreover a metaphorical adoption by taking on a nurturing, caring, and almost maternal like role for them, to where they both are essentially as if they’re my daughters. Our connection both individually and as a full on familial unit is one based on a lot of mutual love and respect as equals for each other, irregardless of a parental/child dynamic. I just love them both a lot, and I want to be that person that can nurture kindness and goodness and provide them both with a safe space that they deserve.

I also wanted to say that I’m really sorry for your own mother. I can sort of empathize in the sense of having a bad bio mom, and that need for having a maternal figure leaves a large hole in ones chest that at least in my experience, never really has gone away. My own mom was a very cold and neglectful person, and treated me more as a pest than her child, especially when I came out as trans to her it made our relationship strained to the point that I eventually cut contact entirely. And even after, so many years later I’ve constantly been left struggling needing some sort of a mom or maternal figure. But yeah, long story short, I understand the feeling of having a shitty bio mom. Nobody deserves that, and I’m so sorry that you’ve had it rough with yours. Thank you for finding the comfort in confiding to me about this. <3

I’m glad that in a roundabout way, seeing what I’m doing makes you happy. I just wanna do right by them, and sort of break that cycle of trauma, abuse, and neglect caused by my family, both bio and found. 💙

[genderqueerdykes]

That anon with the 11 year old transmasc kid really hit home because holy shit I had the same experience as a young trans boy. When I was 11-12, I was also incredibly suicidal, and a huge part of it was because of the hatred I received from queer peers based on my gender. My own "friends" told me that I'd grow up to become a predator or a rapist, that I was betraying the girls and women in my life by becoming the enemy, or that I couldn't ACTUALLY be a boy because nobody in their right mind would want to become one of THOSE horrible things. I was so unbelievably ashamed of myself that I genuinely thought I'd just be better off dead than risk growing up into a man. Of course, I couldn't talk about this with anyone, because why would someone ever complain about being a boy? We always have so much privilege! My worries were shut down, and all of my problems were dismissed with either, "If it's causing you this much distress, you must not REALLY be a boy" or "Boys have it easy, you need to stop complaining and uplift the TRULY oppressed people here". My support system was non-existent at the time and if it wasn't for an older cousin coming out as a trans man and taking me under his wing, I don't know if I would've made it out of middle school alive. I know that sounds dramatic, but it's just the truth. Him showing me that being a man didn't mean I was doomed to become a monster, that there were people who'd see me for who I was without disgust or hatred, saved my life.

I have no clue if the parent who sent that ask will see this, but just in case: as someone who was in the same position as your son, I cannot stress enough how unbelievably thankful I am that there are parents like you out there. Having that much support at home would've saved me so much pain and suffering as a child, and although it's awful that your son has to go through this in the first place (or that *anyone* has to, really), I'm so so glad he has you both in his corner. It's so unbelievably fucking hard being that young and facing bigotry from a community that's supposed to support you, especially when large swaths of said community refuse to acknowledge the issue even exists in the first place. Knowing that you've got his back and that you're trying your best to not let him fall down a path of self hatred for being transmasc makes my heart ache in a good way. He's very lucky to have your love and support.

i am so sorry you've dealt with this too, it's becoming all too apparent how common this behavior is, and that it is in fact transmasculine erasure that is to blame for why people don't understand how the abuse is, and not that it's not happening. i really appreciate you for reaching out and sharing this, if that parent is still reading, i hope they know that they're awesome for taking such good care of their son.

[phregnancy]

people on those confessions accounts really just say shit. i desperately wish it was a troll but i wouldn’t put it past someone to unironically say that dangender theories are “just knowing dan is trans before he comes out” like how “we knew dan was gay before he came out” and that people uncomfortable with dangender only don’t like it “because it interferes with phan”

me personally i’m uncomfortable with it because a lot of the “dangender proof” has come across very “man does thing i deem non-manly, he must not entirely be a man” which, as a gnc transmasc who mainly gets treated like a woman bc of my “non-manly” presentation…doesn’t feel great to see! i typically just. ignore the posts about it and filter tags but im sick of people acting like the only reason people could possibly be uncomfortable is because they’re transphobic or some shit. i’m uncomfortable because of how normalized it’s becoming for people to (regardless of intention) circle back to what kinda feels like pink = girl and blue = boy ideology. i know a lot of dangender truthers are trans themselves — but please understand why other trans people may feel uncomfortable with the way its being talked about.

i wasn’t planning to go on a whole tangent about this but it’s something that’s been nagging at me for ages. i don’t want to start this whole discourse again because it’s exhausting and just keeps going in circles. i just want people to understand how their words can come across to some trans people. i want people to stop assuming it’s based in some desire to “protect dan” from trans allegations. im just a trans guy who likes being gnc and feminine and is rubbed the wrong way by posts about (perceived) gnc and feminine things being “proof” that someone (who has explicitly identified as a man) isn’t actually a man

sorry i just keep rambling here i didn’t realize just how much it bothered me until now. i’m gonna log off of tumblr for a bit lol. hope you’re having a good day phregs <3 and everyone who may read this, regardless of where you stand on this topic :3

someone is going to submit that word for word i guarantee you, because people already make posts like that publicly. someone did submit that word for word to one of the blogs according to another anon. an issue i have is that the “evidence” that people collect to prove dan’s trans is transmisogynistic. it doesn’t matter if a large amount of dangender truthers are trans themselves, because it is often trans masc people and trans masc people can also be transmisogynistic. if you are not trans fem, you can be transmisogynistic. it is transmisogynistic to equate the trans fem experience to that of a cis gay man in drag. it’s one thing if it’s kept to rpf or hcs or people think ‘oh some things dan does remind me of myself’, but it’s another thing entirely when people compile a list of reasons for why dan must be trans.

i hope your time away is peaceful! sending positive energy your way <3

[term-repost]

originally posted by user Kenochoric / Kenochoric-moved / Trans-Haunting

Dyspunktional / Dyspunk Flag!

This is largely based off of the original flag, but I decided to do my own interpretation. I did not make dyspunktional, this is just my proposal for a flag.

--

The circled-A symbol represents punk, as it is the symbol of anarchism and has strong ties with the punk movement. The colors of each stripe are from the disability flag, the stripes of which are for different types of needs and disabilities (mental illness, intellectual and developmental disability, invisible and undiagnosed disabilities, physical disability, and sensory disabilities).

The shape of the flag is a chevron, and I chose this for a few reasons. Firstly, solidarity with other minorities, such as queer people. Many people have seen a similar chevron on a queer flag (however, I did make it far different so they wouldn't be confused for one another). In essence, it's meant to represent minorities within the minority, as well as solidarity with other minorities. Secondly, it simply looks cool, without being too jarring in its colors to the point of being eyestrain-y.

And that's about it! Dyspunktional was made with all disabled people in mind, so anyone fitting that descriptor is welcome to use this, just like they can be dyspunktional in general. You're free to use my flag for whatever, and edit it to your liking. I even included a transparent set of the chevrons in case you wanna change the background.

Under the cut, I'm going to put the definition of dyspunktional, as well as some alternate flags.

--

Definition of dyspunktional:

(From here, + archive)

"Dyspunktional is about radical inclusivity – there is no person who considers themselves disabled that isn’t included under the term, should they want to use it.

It’s a portmanteau of “dysfunctional” and “punk”: Dysfunctional because it can apply to any and all disabilities because the definition of a disability is that it inhibits daily function. Punk because it represents our rebellion against the harmful categorization of the medical industrial complex and against the society that refuses to give us (disabled people) what they need to fully participate in that society.

Because it’s based on the idea of radical inclusivity, Dyspunktional has no space for gatekeeping, no space for denying the experiences of others and should be focused on creating community and solidarity with all disabled people. The idea is that all of us are dysfunctional and therefore, all of us are gatekept from society in various ways and while our experiences are different, they do not differ in worth. No disabled person’s voice is unnecessary in the fight against ableism, no disabled person’s experience should go unheard.

No disabled person’s experience is more or less important than another’s. We all have something to offer to each other, we all have something to offer to the cause and no one should be afraid of speaking up or have their experiences doubted and questioned by other disabled people – we are already dealing with that coming from the medical establishment and abled society.

So, uh… IDK, join me in claiming our dysfunction and disability as something to be proud of and in rebelling against the system that wants us dead and wants to hold us down!

Be dyspunktional!"

--

Alternate flags:

--

archive of post

originally posted by user Kenochoric / Kenochoric-moved / Trans-Haunting

[unepetitecorneille]

Gender dysphoria and Smirke's Fourteen

So, whatever this ends up being, it's about the different aspects of gender dysphoria as domains of the different entities. All of it is just headcanons and personal bullshit, but it will have a more serious side, and some sillier bits as well. Disclaimer: It's largely based on my own experience, not everyone may relate to it. Also, there isn't just one way to dissect dysphoria and categorise its flavours based on what fear power they fit, so if you don't agree with me, that's fine.

CWs/TWs: canon-typical CWs + discussion and themes of: gender dysphoria, gender perception based on biological traits, alienation from one's body, body modification, shifting of bones, self-harm, transphobia, intrusive thoughts - This stuff is quite explicit, and there's a reason certain topics weren't present in the podcast. Some parts could induce dysphoria about things you aren't dysphoric about, so be careful. Read at your own risk. Stay safe.

The Flesh: The more physical aspects come here. Wanting to change certain parts of your body that are commonly associated with a different gender. Wishing you could chop off some of you in some places, maybe even bone or that your bone structure would morph into a more fitting form. (In my case it's wanting broader shoulders, narrower hips.) Now this is just for the funsies, completely unserious: the Flesh could be such an ally. I think it would absolutely support medical transition, any changes you make on your body to make yourself feel more at home in it. It would feed more on the horror of transphobes at the 'audacity' of trans people being happy in their bodies whether or not the way they look aligns with their views about what they 'should' look like, whether or not they underwent any medical transition.

The Stranger: Yayyy, fun one. /s Basically feeling like a stranger in your body, feeling like it is not yours, at least not fully, not truly. Voice dysphoria definitely comes here (for me). This is a very ftm point of view, but the feeling when I look at my hips and I <know> they should be narrower. My shoulders should be broader, my lungs bigger, my ribcage more spacious, my torso longer, my waist fuller, not so narrow.

The Spiral: The more obsessive parts, all the extreme self-consciousness go here. Worrying that the tiniest details would 'give you away'. Generally the 'Am I manly/womanly/androgynous/... enough?' kind of thoughts. Overthinking small bits like how you sit, or use gestures, how you speak. Also, putting too much emphasis on things you cannot do anything about (for me my hips and how high the waist of my trousers goes up). This feels very niche, but the obsessive thought of 'Do they percieve me as a boy or a girl?' in dangerous situation. Like, really? That's not the biggest problem, couldn't we just focus on the more pressing matters? Anyway, the Spiral could be an ally, too. Like come on, Michael. The Distortion would totally come for transphobes and eat them and drive them crazy.

The Web: Not being in control. The hopelessness you feel when no matter what you do, people keep misgendering you and deadnaming you, just generally treating you like what 'they' think you are.

The Eye: The awareness that people are constantly percieving you. Them percieving you is inevitable, and you dread they percieve you as a gender you aren't. Or knowing it's a day you don't pass. Knowing they see you as a gender you aren't and you can do nothing to change that.

The Dark: (This is very closely connected to the first half of the previous one, I wanted to put this there originally, but well, this is about <not> knowing and uncertainity, so it fits the Dark better.) Not knowing what little box people put you in in their heads. You don't know how to present to be safe and only as uncomfortable as necessary at the same time. It's exactly like being in the dark and not knowing what is in it. Anything could be lurking there. Even another human being. With malicious intent. With the intent of hurting you. But this, not knowing how you are percieved can be even more stressful than simple worry about your physical safety. There's even more uncertainity because you can't know how they'd react if they knew you're trans/queer.

The Lonely: Being othered by society. Being an outcast. Self-isolating to keep yourself safe. Choosing to be alone instead of the company of those who look down on you/ hate you/ don't accept you/ might hurt you. Difficulties making friends because of who you are.

The Buried: Having to play a role to be safe or to find community. The suffocating reality that you practically don't have a choice but to put on a facade. (Even if you don't have to actively pretend to be someone or something you aren't, but you can't be fully free and your authentic self.) The hopelessness of being stuck in a nightmarish situation, you can't escape it for a good long time yet. (I Saw the TV Glow very much reminds me of the Buried.)

So that's about it. There are some overlaps, but the same can be said about the fears themselves. I hope you enjoyed reading.

[our-honeybee-transfem-experience]

hi again, im the person who submitted the ask about having been excited to learn a new term, and then getting upset by the stuff i'd been reading

came back to check for a response, saw you asked for more context, so i've scrolled through the blog as far as i did before (a bit over a week) and im going to try? (note that i can fully believe any individual instance of this being accidental or reading into something, but the overall pattern was what got to me - please don't read this as me singling anyone out, i was asked for examples so im trying to provide examples)

as a warning, this will be long because im trying to be detailed, and i'll be writing this in a messy back-and-forth way, so unless i spend an extra thirty minutes rereading it to clean it up, it'll be a bit of a mess grammatically and structurally (i've been known to start typing something, then quickly look at something else and forget i started, so there's a high risk of remarks that were started and never completed) (also this is largely based on how i felt reading stuff, which is always going to be a hard thing to speak concretely about or add sources to)

i read the ask that said "the ethno-nationalists of trans womanhood" and thought that felt a bit extreme, and later felt it was part of a pattern of seeing trans women as aggressive

i kept seeing the alternative to being a honeybee transfem as being an "amab transfem", and got really put off by that - while i was assigned male at birth, i don't treat it as part of my identity, and i don't really know anyone trans who gives their assigned gender pride of place next to their actual gender? so it just kinda felt like when clueless cis people keep repeating "used to be a man" every time they mention trans women

that feeling was extra-strong with the "I can count on two hands the number of cis men I’ve known who have experimented with identifying as trans women" post, which left an unpleasant undertone that non-honeybee trans women are cis men trying out being women who just haven't given up yet

also i couldn't help but be extremely aware that almost all mentions of non-honeybee trans women were complaining about exclusionists and calling them terrible things - terfs, ethnonationalists, etc - to the point when at least once that detail was just elided, "I’ve seen so much “TERF” rhetoric from amab trans women lately"

i read the ask that said "One of the main things the trans community has been fighting to get recognized is that gender identity exists outside biological sex.", and felt that the underlying statement was that im not a woman, im a trans woman, and that those are distinct things? im not a trans woman out of any connection to masculinity, im a trans woman because im a woman and have had to go against the grain of society to even consider myself as such - being a woman had to be a whole complicated messy thing, with some amount of becoming, and with a huge amount of pushback against being a woman at all (and im lucky enough to've had supportive family and friends when i came out! but turns out, the whole weight of societal transphobia is a lot of pushback even with that luck...)

"if we came to be accepted as transfems, we’d become a better version of themselves, the transfemininity bar would be set way higher" i... well i think this one kinda speaks for itself? and the later clarification clarified it as "I ididn't mean that afab transfems were better than other transfems of course, but that we would be perceived that way by society and by other transfeminine people" which is still the same, saying that non-honeybee trans women are just worse at being women...

and to close out, there were also at least a couple of asks that i saw that really felt like they were implying that they saw themselves as transfem because they had "hunky" masculine traits, which. i really hope they do know that trans woman doesn't mean masculine woman? but even if they do, it's still going into some delicate territory in a world where trans women are often at best seen as masculine women, when seen as women at all, and adding fuel to that fire (i have had to consider whether to voice train for safety or comfort, despite liking my voice already, and someone telling me "i like your voice too, it's so masc!" would. probably make me avoid talking in their vicinity and reconsider voice training)

so. yeah it really really felt like a decent amount of talking about how non-honeybee trans women have masculine traits and are aggressively hogging the term transfem and a lot of emphasis on non-honeybee trans women being amab

cant read all of it cuz im kinda lazy and my eyes hurt but from what i skimmed i think 1. yeah the etho-nationalist take was extreme 2. the reason we mention amab tfems so much is bc its just a distinguisher, not saying it affects ur gender at all 3. that thing abt bio sex vs gender isnt supposed to mean anything bad, it means that bio sex and gender dont always align

and also a lot of the reasons amab tfems are only mentioned when theyre being mean to us is because thats the only time the distinction matters, not anything to do with agab but just for lack of a better thing to say

[tamas-and-the-clowns-sol-left]

Hello, you've made it. You reached the Rubyverse.

What is the Rubyverse, you may ask??

the Rubyverse is an alternate universe for Aiden Thomas' The Sunbearer Duology that I, Tamas, have been creating since August 6th, 2024.

This is going to be more detailed after my small info bit, boundaries, and trigger warnings.

What is the point of this project??

This is my place to add as I wish and have content to my desires. From character pages, headcannons (that are subsequently cannon for this universe), or being my indecisive self, I am using this to express my creative freedom in hopes of finding some audience who cares enough about it

What are the boundaries??

My boundaries aren't designed to be difficult, but if you find them in such way than we are not for eachother's interaction.

I will not tolerate anything NSFW about myself, my characters, my ideas, or my posts in all. I am an asexual guy and my comfortability isn't with that stuff about me or my creations. Every creation of mine has some of me in them.

Feel free to ask questions, but think before you speak. I'll respond as much as I can and when I can, but I am a human, I'm going to be treated as such. Creating and sharing my creations doesn't lessen or add to my humanity and that's something I see many people struggle with.

No discrimination against me or my characters. this includes use of: Slurs, homophobic/transphobic comments, racism, ableism. If you are grown up enough to be on the Internet you should be grown up enough to not discriminate and keep your inside thoughts inside.

Use tone tags for sarcasm and jokes at minimum. I struggle with tone often and take everything at face value especially the less there is for me to analyze. I speak at face value, I don't use jokes or sarcasm without clarification that it is such so others can know. /j means joke and /sar means sarcasm.

What can you expect from this series??

You can expect characters that are more than just beauty standards and stereotypes. I may fall into some tropes or pairing types(such as loser boyfriend x absolutely stunning girlfriend) but my characters all have some sort of difference. They're not all perfect beings.

You can expect many, many spoilers for both The Sunbearer Trials and Celestial Monsters, aka the whole Sunbearer Duology.

You can expect changes to the trials and to the world building. Fear not, I haven't wrecked too much chaos upon this world's setup.

You can expect even more queer and trans characters, as well as some more disabled characters!! Not only do they have a soft spot in my heart, and I find representation largely important, I myself am a disabled queer trans person and love having characters like me.

Be prepared for some art style inconsistency and some writing that will *hopefully* get better over time. I'm not the most beginner of all beginners but I'm definitely not what I'd call a very seasoned artist and writer. (I also use a few different mediums for art, I stick to pencil to paper, watercolor, and digital art more often than not but I still like trying new things and having fun.)

Be prepared to read tags as this gets posted onto Ao3(And ONLY will I post on Ao3) and be prepared to read the trigger/content warnings for any thing I post here, especially writing.

Many things are based off of my own experience!! They may not be your experience, they may never be your experience, quite a few I truly hope aren't amongst anything anyone must experience. However on the flip side of the token coin I have put forth research to make anything and everything that is not written with my own experience is going to be as authentic as I can make it.

What are some trigger and content warnings I can give right off the bat??

For the sake of separation, each one is a bullet list instead of a paragraph, and I added everything planned that is something I think could risk triggering anyone.

Spoilers for all of The Sunbearer Duology!!

Major character death

"Human"(semidiós) sacrifice

Injuries

A character with hypermobility that experiences real struggles (aka not dumbed down to "oh I'm super flexible!!")

depersonalization/dissociation

self put pressure

Symbolization of needing accommodations for a disability and how society will reject or even mock thoes needs and overall will refuse to accommodate without harassment

Forced Assimilation (forcing a culture to rid their culture in order to fit into the other culture)

bullying/discrimination

abuse(parental)(physical and possible mental/emotional)

war and past war of high significance

manipulation/deception

this gets religious seeming as all main characters are dióses and semidióses (gods and demigods) however it is not a place to spread religious beliefs, no matter how good or ill intentioned

unsafe binding

Past self harm/self harm scars/non graphic current self harm

Struggles with eating (Arfid sensory type in specific)

I MUST EMPHASIZE. IF ANY OF THESE MAY BE TRIGGERING FOR YOU, KNOW YOURSELF. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED BY ME NOW, YOU WILL BE WARNED EVERY TIME ANY TRIGGER WARNING IS APPLICABLE. If you choose to skip triggering chapters or sections that's up to you, if you're looking at this and going "oh this may be not for me" feel free to keep scrolling because your health is more important than one more reader will ever be to me.

Welcome to the Rubyverse

In the world there are three godly races, The Golds, the Jades, and the Obsidians.

The Obsidians and their monsters are trapped in the stars, Jade and Golds now are the only Dióses in Rino De Sol. Right??

What if I told you there's one more set of Dióses??

Ruby red blood, the "weakest" of Sol and Tierra's godly children.

Follow eight dióses and their semidios children through their rediscovery, their "grand reveal" to all of humankind.

[writinrealslow]

Hi!

Obligatory: "I saw your Nb video"

Currently working on a story with a Non-binary character as the lead POV. Full disclosure its gonna be a furry visual novel. They are an American Bison that goes by "Alex" formerly Alexander. Bison initially have fewer gendered differences than some animals.

A lot of your points helped me reconsider parts of their design and validity some of the story choices. Firstly, I do have one other Nb in the cast that is actually out and undergoing some form of medical transition. This second character will VERY MUCH be a point to bounce ideas/concepts of gender for Alex. Secondly I felt a little forced to further androgenize Alex as they transition. I have decided to tone it down since I think that their eventual presentation will have them be large and muscular, but have some feminine traits. It just feels/felt a bit disingenuous to proper them up as non-binary without having some sort of more radical change. Your video changed my mind on that.

Lastly, I assumed their relation to gender is very much informed by their neurodivergence. General confusion and disdain to the "rules" and societal systems in place to enforce gender. This leads to them not liking being considered a man, but generally fine with looking masculine.

Let me know if there are things I should consider as well or if I am just WAAAAYY off base. I got lots of thoughts, but want to keep this short.

Obligatory: Thanks for watching.

I'm honestly really honored that you would come to me about this, thank you!

You actually have a lot of things right, the only thing I would stress is that, while neurodivergence, particularly autism, does tend to be more common in trans people, correlation is not causation. A person's gender identity is not caused by neurodivergence, but their gender presentation might be effected by it, depending on what they're comfortable with. Some autistic people can't handle having long hair or don't like wearing pants because of how the fabric feels, so you could easily write a fairly masc presenting enby who wears skirts because they don't mind wearing femme clothing and because skirts cause less tactile irritation. But you could also have them wear skirts because skirts are fun to wear and they like how they look in them, that's why I wear them sometimes.

What I recommend most of all is to try and really nail down alex's feelings on their gender and their presentation. Do they initially feel like they need to be more androgynous and feminine, but later realize that they're okay with how they are? Maybe they try out more stereotypically feminine ways of presenting and decide they like some and don't like others, maybe they ultimately do decide that, while they don't NEED to be more androgynous, it's what feels comfortable. Maybe they go back and forth because they feel pressured and they're not sure.

It's actually really smart to have a second enby to bounce them off of, especially if they have a different experience with gender and different biases to work through, but also because it can help give alex a point of reference. I have my friend Kay to thank for helping me realize I was nonbinary at all, and they have a massively different presentation and experience from me; their input and advice has always been something I've found hugely valuable and helpful.

also, I think it's really cool that you're making them the lead POV character of your visual novel! Enby main characterss are rare, enby POV characters even more so! And the strengths of a visual novel should actually make it a bit easier to explore than a lot of other forms of media.

Finally, and you probably don't actually need a reminder of this, but be sure to nail down their personality and interests outside of their gender identity as well. Some people fall into the trap of making trans and nonbinary characters revolve entirely around their gender.

I'd actually really love to give your VN a look when you're comfortable sharing it, I'd even be a beta reader/play tester for you if you wanted. Furry content doesn't bother me, especially in a visual novel, where I care about story and characters first and foremost and aesthetics a very distant second.

Feel free to shoot me another ask in the future if you have more questions, and I hope I was able to help!