#this is just my stream of consciousness i dont expect it to be a hit but maybe it'll resonate with the girllikers in chat
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teneriadvos · 11 months ago
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spent all day on my feet and im totally exhausted ugh
now im just laying in bed thinking about cuddling and letting her slip her hands under my hoodie so she can trace shapes on my back all soft and sweet
and we're both kind of sleepy but we've missed each other all day and we're not about to waste such a golden opportunity
and hey if that means her putting her hand down my pants to stroke my cock all gentle and teasing... 💜
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queen-pathetic · 2 years ago
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Fic Writer Interview
I was tagged by @s1utspeare ! I am surprised that people still remember that i write fics since i basically stopped in the later half of the year except for NaNoWriMo lmaoo. so i will do this. 
name/nicknames: Angie or ang 
fandoms: Aight so DMBJ. I write the most of that. And Winter Begonia, but WB is usually just smut. I did write for Squid Game for a bit but stopped since the fandom was too much. 
two shots?: if this like 2 chapter fics?? i dont normally write that, and i have been bad at reading other peoples fics for reasons i wont disclose here. 
most popular multi-chapter fic: its a squid game fic, please dont come for me. People knew this fic before they even know me so that says something. Puzzle Pieces. I will not be able to write anything close to the amount of hits this got. 
actual worst part of writing: um writing. i am not a writer never have been, but i wanted to write because there were some things that i wanted to draw but i could not do it with my current talent. so instead i wrote it. i never expected for people to like what i wrote. so it takes a lot for me to share my work because im so scared of it not getting hits (aka why i stopped writing recently)
how you choose your titles: i stare at the blank “title” box on ao3 and cry for like 5 mins and then write something random. sometimes it loops back to the story, or its stupid and makes no sense. 
do you outline?: no. i literally write like a stream of consciousness. no thoughts. i only outlined for my nanowrimo fic since it was a daunting 50k that needed to open and close within those words. if its a multi fic with no clear ending i dont care. if its a one shot it means i already have an ending so i keep it 10k. 
ideas you probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?: no not that i know of. i had for a while wanted to do a idol AU for heihua but i suck at AUs so thats not happening. (it would be idol/bodyguard or even opera singer/bodyguard). 
i want to finish my current heihua fic but i dried up with ideas so it has been sitting unfinished for quite some time. I am not goof with very technically elements of stories (tombs) so i made a mistake by doing that two times in one story. 
callouts @ me: get over the fear of writing and comparing myself to everyone else. im a horrible friend and i dont read fics my friends write because i compare myself to their fics. i know im not a good writer so when i see my friends write masterpieces and get more hits i kind of wonder why do i even try. 
probably also saying im not a good writer, but i know im not lol even if people try and convince me. so i guess i got a lot to work on for now im just not gonna update until i feel comfortable with my product.
best writing traits: ...i just roasted myself for like 300 words so idk if i have good writing traits. oh only smut. i think im good at writing smut, which is weird since i dont do anything in my own life. its been a while since i have written actually but i think my porn without plots normally are good since i focus less on the plot. 
i also do a lot of heihua slow burn.  aka enemies to lovers. 
spicy tangential opinion: dont ask me for opinions... doubt what i say will mean anything. 
Tagging anyone who wants to do it. i dont have many writer friends (maybe i do idk) so i dont wanna tag people 
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arledrone · 4 years ago
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ideas for ep2 bc i love leona kingscholar
As a disclaimer this isn’t all my thoughts in one place it’s just stream of consciousness and I have more in my head to elaborate i just dont feel like it right now lol i just wanted this out of my head
Cheka in the picture sooner.  While harmless, he’s another source of frustration for Leona’s struggles with his position in the royal family, and one that Leona can’t actually snap at save for his pissy attitude and snaps.  
With Cheka comes inevitable discussions of Farena, and hearing praise about him and how great he is leaving a sour taste in Leona’s mouth.  Cheka’s too young to understand Leona’s dynamic with the rest of the family, and definitely holds Leona in high-esteem as well, but he’s bound to say something unintentionally careless that hits a raw nerve with Leona and makes his resentment fester.  It isn’t Cheka fault and Leona’s smart enough to know that, but fuck does it hurt how far the rumours and comparisons have gotten back in the Afterglow Savannah.
Probably a bit more talk of comparisons between Savanaclaw-Diasomnia and Leona-Malleus by extension.  Leona hates being compared to others in general, and to be compared to someone else that people seem to hold in higher regard to him would just aggravate that.
Apart from Jack, Leona has strong support from the Savanaclaw dorm.  Honestly, just having Jack confront Leona bit earlier on would be a nice idea.  Maybe someone that points out how Leona can’t expect to be the Best of the Best when he barely puts any effort into anything, which, considering Leona does that precisely because he assumes there’s no point in trying anymore, would make his belief that “nothing I do is ever good enough” come to attention sooner, rather than right before he Overblots.
Speaking of Overblots, thematically, it makes sense that Ruggie’s the one at the front lines of sabotaging other Magift teams.  After all, Scar uses the hyenas to start the stampede in the first place.  And since Ruggie isn’t under the same mental/emotional pressure Leona is, him not having significant blot is fine.  However, taking into account the suggestions above, little and big things that irritate Leona...
I think it’d be interesting for him to lowkey use King’s Roar as a way to vent frustration.  Making random objects turn to sand when no one notices, or overhearing conversations about Diasomina’s victories in Magift/performance in general from down the hall, near stairs, then, boom, one of the steps just turns to sand.  Just random build-up like that that increase in frequency the closer to the climax we get.  We get hints that it’s Leona’s ability without it coming to an explicit head until later on when his sabotage plan is exposed.
Overall, a lot of the important things about Leona are saved until waaaay too late into Episode 2 for them to have a decent impact.  Even small, little things like this introduced a bit earlier would help Leona’s character development in it.
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notveryglittery · 4 years ago
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so @/dysaniadisorder​ posted this really cute zoom moxiety art and then i posted some selfies in a discord server and the reactions from that + this moxiety art got me feeling even more Fluffy than usual so here’s a very rambly au that i stream of consciousness wrote in half an hour lol 
idk about anyone else, but i had a pen pal through english class in middle school for a little while. so what if, patton and virgil meeting through being pen pals. patton's letters are as bubbly as his stories, he includes stickers on the pages and the envelope, and uses *so many* exclamation marks. virgil meanwhile, tends to write very little and mostly just in reaction to whatever patton said. because sure, the letters are sent to the school and they've been told not to give away personal information, but y'know... Just In Case.
except for one towards the end of the program, when patton really doesn't want to lose contact with virgil, so he shares his instagram. and he says no pressure of course i dont even know if you have an instagram but here it is if you ever wanna try to keep talking. and bc roman's his best friend, of course virgil has instagram (ugh). so of course he checks patton's profile. and oh *no* he's as cute as his bubbly handwriting and his stories and stickers and exclamation marks
virgil's never really mentioned this whole pen pal thing to roman, because roman's english teacher did not sign her class up for it and he knows roman would be jealous. but he made the mistake of checking patton's profile in roman's presence and if anyone's going to notice a Gay Panic™, it's roman
so of course roman grills virgil and virgil caves bc like what?? else is he gonna do?? but anyway, roman hits the follow button for virgil but then virgil throws his phone across the room and breaks it so can we get an f in the chat
meanwhile patton's studying with his step-brother logan when he gets a little chime from his phone and? oh a new instagram follow that's neat, who's [insert cool username for virgil]? except of course virgil's profile is private so patton has to follow back to see any photos. except virgil's phone is busted! bummer
cue virgil not getting a new phone for a week or two bc idk he's in trouble for breaking the old one to begin with and by the time he finally does get a new one, he totally spaces on installing instagram. so it's like a month and a half later when roman asks him why the heck he hasn't been liking roman's pictures that virgil remembers. and then he also remembers patton. *oh god patton* how could he ever forget, he is a fool, and patton probably hates him now, or he must be super worried, bc the pen pal program is over so they havent been writing and then he just disappeared off the face of the planet which?? well patton should have expected it a little because he did say it would be okay if virgil didnt want to keep in contact but *oh god patton*
virgil installs instagram and finds patton's follow request (and like 32 comments from roman demanding that virgil like his photos what kind of best friend is he smh)
and he accepts it 
and then while he's still riding his bravery high, he messages patton "hey it's virgil" and then Very Calmly sets his phone down before screaming into a pillow
meanwhile patton's busy cheering logan on at his swim meet but this does mean that he's posting all sorts of encouraging cheesy stuff to his story which means virgil is already getting a sneak peak into patton's life and wait oh my GOD is that his voice???????
virgil is very gay and he is having a Time
anyway patton also almost breaks his phone when he sees the follow request approved *and* the message!!! because lowkey , he considers virgil a pretty close friend!! he vented in some of those pen pal letters! said some things he couldn't bring himself to say to anyone else. and virgil was always so patient and kind and reminded him of all the good things to help and balance out the bad things.
so y'know, fast forward thru lots of instagram interactions. messaging each other late into the night. virgil always liking patton's photos and leaving a single "���" comment on every one. they talk about roman - and how he's virgil's best friend and he may be dramatic and loud but he's reliable and genuine - and they talk about logan - and how patton wouldn't know anywhere near as much as he does w/out him and how they have sleepovers in the basement every saturday.
and fast forward to moving on from instagram to discord, and joining servers of fandoms they're both in. making a server for themselves + roman + logan (and *oh boy,* introducing roman and logan). sending silly memes and posts that "made me think of you", late night texting that ends with one sending the final “i guess you fell asleep, sweet dreams <3″ message, and the other sending the “oops i did, good morning <3″ message in return 
and sure, roman might post pictures on instagram of himself and virgil, but virgil's always half-in half-out of frame or he's blurry or he's looking away. and so one day, he posts a selfie in their friend server because he's just got his hair dyed purple and he's *so excited* and patton. patton didnt even have time to prepare can we get an f in the chat
there are a LOT of keysmashes and hearts lol
roman is still laughing by the time patton manages to calm down. patton sort of flat out demands for a group video call aljsdf
logan and roman, all this time obviously because they can't be out done, have already had plenty of personal voice and video calls themselves. sometimes it's just to help roman run lines or help logan study for a test. but they have been on the receiving end of patton and virgil gushing about their respective crushes so they're in full support of this tbh
so they set up a group video call that night, roman and logan like immediately muting themselves bc let's be real we all know the real reason behind this. patton is gushing about virgil and virgil's hair like, right off the bat, and virgil is slowly but surely disappearing into his hoodie and the lighting in his room isn't very good, but gosh patton is *melting* and then
and THEN
patton pauses to finally drink out of his cooling hot cocoa and virgil takes the opportunity to clear his throat and sit up a little out of his hoodie cocoon and says thank you
and y'all we thought virgil was all Gay Panic™ when he saw patton's face in photos for the first time? and then he broke his phone when roman followed patton for him?
patton does a spit take and chokes on his hot cocoa and kind of maybe shorts out his laptop ajsdkjhsf
because we gotta go full circle baby
roman disappears from view on his camera because he just rolled off the bed he's laughing so hard
you know logan definitely anticipated this, so he's been on best buy's website this whole time, ready to find laptops on sale / schedule an appointment to get patton's laptop fixed
and uuuhhhh yeah :) pen pals to friends to lovers long distance moxiety, with background probably-qpr logince because that's the Vibe i'm getting. with bonus best friends prinxiety and familial logicality!! thanks for reading :D 
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imagineurfavs · 4 years ago
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Liquid Confidence
I'd like to submit a request for a drabble with GOT7 Youngjae, 37, 43, & 57. IMO, there just isn't enough for Youngjae...
Pairing: Youngjae (GOT7) x reader Prompts: “I’m not drunk enough to have this conversation” “Would a friend do this?” “Can you just shut up for 5 minutes please?” Summary: just a drunken confession lol Genre: Fluff?? idk really... Word Count: 1,485  A/N: this is beyond terrible im sorry im apparently terrible at writing anything with any kind of emotion sjghsjgns
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Pushing your way through hordes of sweaty strangers, you make your way to the exit of whoevers house it was you were actually at. You’d only tagged along to this party because you had been assured you that your friend Youngjae would be here; but it didn’t look like he’d bothered to turn up. Without his desperately needed comic relief, you really didn't see any point in hanging around.
 Just as you reach the door and go to grab the handle, a clammy hand reached over and rested upon your own. You spun around expecting to see a red faced stranger ready to ply you with more alcohol in an attempt to get you to stick around. Instead, you were met with an equally red faced, and very drunk Youngjae “y/n!!!! I’ve been looking for you all night- I was hanging out in the kitchen then for some reason i ended up in the bathroom, I’ve been everywhere but I didn't see you so i thought you weren’t here but I spotted you from the other side of the room so i ca-” he rambled on, his sweaty hand still on yours atop the door handle.
“Wait. You’re leaving?” He stopped himself mid sentence to ask, spotting your hand still trying to turn the handle. With his eyes growing larger, the drunken giddiness on his face turns to a look of disappointment.
“Well yeah, I don’t really see any point in staying. I was waiting for you but honestly now I just think my social interaction meter has run out for today, I just wanna be somewhere quiet and ma-”
“Wait no. You can’t leave, I’ve got something to talk to you about, come with me.” He cut you off, now grabbing your hand and leading you through the rooms, making his way to the back door on the other side of the house.
Pushing open the door, you’re hit with a cold blast of crisp night air, the sounds from the inside vanishing slowly as the door closed behind you.
“Everyone went inside because it’s getting kinda cold out” Youngjae said with a nervous giggle as he let go of your hand, beckoning you to a garden table surrounded by worn out plastic lawn chairs. “Plus at least you can get a bit of quiet now” he continued, picking up a half empty class of unknown alcohol someone had left behind.
After a few minutes of relishing in the new quiet atmosphere, you turn to Youngjae, who was leaning back in his chair, staring blankly at the night sky, “What was it you wanted to talk to me about...?” You said across the table, breath hanging visible in the air.
“Oh...yeah, right, that” He answered, snapping back to reality and sitting upright, finishing what was left in the glass in one big gulp. Letting out a big sigh and leaning closer to you across the table. “y/n...I like you. Like...really like you...”
“Oh god, that was blunt...are you saying what I think you are..?” shifting uncomfortably in your seat you mumble with a sigh “I’m not drunk enough for this conversation.” trying to avoid eye contact, but you can still feel his gaze piercing into your cheek.
“Well” He draws in a long breath, trying to compose himself as much as possible “I am drunk enough and I really need to tell you. I promise it’s not just the alcohol talking, it might seem like it is but I promise it’s for real. I’m being serious.” Without looking you feel his hands shift closer to your own, barely touching, but close enough to feel the warmth radiating from them.
You keep your gaze locked firmly on the ground below the glass table, but listen as he speaks out loud. His stream of consciousness continues “I know you know what I’m gonna say y/n, we’ve been friends for such a long time, I know, but I really think I like you more than that, y’know? Like...we’re like peanut butter and jelly, Tom and Jerry...and other analogies I can’t think of because to be honest...I’m pretty hammered...” he trailed off with a giggle. “What I’m tryna say is, we’re inseparable... there’s no me without you...”
“I really need you to think about what you’re saying Youngjae, we’re friends...best friends I might even say.” You knew you should probably stop talking, but you couldn't stop your words coming out, before you knew it you were babbling right back at him “And I’m not saying that I’ve never thought about you in that way, I have, many times but like what if everything goes wrong and we end up hating each other, I dont want that to happen but like wha-”
“Can you just shut up for 5 minutes please?” He spoke clearly, the intoxication in his voice almost fully disappeared. “Are you saying you feel the same way y/n?” You could pretty much hear his massive grin in the tone of his voice, you wanted to see that smile so badly but you didn’t think you could face him.
“Well...I don’t know. Maybe” You hear the sound of the plastic chair moving across the patio and Youngjae standing from his seat “I mean, yeah, I guess I do...but we’re friends Youngjae, I don’t wanna lose that...ah, I dunno...”
Before you could look up, you see his feet directly in front of you, he crouches down so his face is inches from yours. Taking your chin with his thumb, he lifts your face so your eyes meet with his own.
“Would a friend do this?” He spoke with a shaky breath, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on your lips. An overwhelming taste of alcohol on his lips is the first thing that hits you, replaced slowly by his overwhelming warmth. Suddenly the cold air felt like a hot summers day. 
The kiss was sloppy, but meaningful. Messy, yet innocent. With every move of his lips against yours, the world around you began to feel further and further away. One of his hands rested on your shoulders whilst your own cupped his soft flushed cheeks. His free hand sat comfortably on your thigh, drawing small circles with his thumb.
Even with the awkward crouched position he was in, you felt his body relax next to yours, deepening the kiss as he leaned in closer to you. Every movement of his lips telling you everything he never had the courage to admit to you before. 
Your moment was cut short by the door being flung open, a rowdy friend of yours practically falling out on to the patio next to you. Youngjae pulls his lips away from you, but keeps his hand protectively on your shoulders, pulling you closer to him.
“Ooooooooh...whats t-this...did I interrupt you two...hah- sorry...it was about time you two got together though...we’ve all been waiting for you both to ad- admit you like each other loooooooool...sorry- pretend I was never here..” They said as they stumbled backwards, quickly tried to make their way back indoors.
“Well...now I’m embarrassed” you mumbled quietly, head hanging low.
“To be honest” Youngjae replied laughing “I’m more embarrassed they said lol out loud. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Plus like they said, it was about time anyway”
He moved slowly to his feet, offering you his hand as he stands. “Come on, you wanna get out of here?”
“What exactly are you insinuating?” you laughed, standing up, ready to make your way out.
“What?!?” I’m not suggesting anything like that!” He answered with a jokingly shocked expression on on his face, “You said before that you wanted to go somewhere quiet...and I wanna be with you, so I thought we could both go somewhere together, yeah?”
As you make your way back through the house, you’re met with the laughter filled cheers of your intoxicated friends as they spot you walking hand in hand with Youngjae. You turn to him just as you reach the door you very nearly walked out of earlier, met with the crescent eyed smile of your...friend?...boyfriend...?
“We’re totally dating now by the way, we’ve kissed and everything, it’s the law” He places one last very dramatic peck on your lips, one that he obviously wanted everyone close by to see. After causing chaos you quickly scurried out of the house to the sounds of yet more rowdy excited cheers. 
The night was bitterly cold, but you didn’t care; you’d stay out all night if it meant getting to stay with Youngjae even an hour longer. Before you were even aware, the boy had let go of your hand and was removing his jacket, draping it carefully over your shoulders. “I wanted to do that earlier, but I didn't wanna let go of your hand” he admitted quietly as you continue strolling peacefully though the dimly light suburban streets.
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a/n lets just pretend i ended this on some super sweet note and didnt just cut it off randomly bc I apparently have no idea how to end things lmao sorry 
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hollyhomburg · 4 years ago
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THE WAY! REASONS WRETCHED AND DIVINE! CH7! ENDED!! A DEAD BODY???KEKK yo my brain lowkey stopped at that i wasnt expecting that at all haha! i thought the chapter was gonna end all sad buT NO APPARENTLY NOT i- great chapter once again!! everythings really heading uphill to that climax huh and tbh i am so excited for it! i'm really curious to see how youre gonna take this part w yoongis owners and mc's little pack-in-progress, and im such a huge fan of your stories 🥺 (1/2)
you write in such a way that i can never predict that comes next, but it always makes when you reveal it!! usually i wind up loving what you had happen over what i imagined would happen too!! your minndddd its so beautifull 🥺 youve really mastered all that whole foreshadowing thing!! 💕 (2/2)
one more bit!! AAAHH i forgot to comment on it so ig its 3/3 ;-; but jimin and yoongis mOMENTTT my heart acheys, i LIVE for that kinda painnn ughhh 🥺 the way you built it up so well (well done on the smut btw 👁) and then ripped it away when yoongi realized what he was doing ohmyyy
AAAAA ohmygod the appearance of jungkook as wellloeisif im sorry it this stream of messages is annoying you and this will be the last now ;-; but i keep remembering bits too late huhuuu jungkooks appearance into reasons wretched and divine!! lowkey badass ngl but also ooooof how he met mc when she was still w her abuser :(( i wonder how its gonna play out if/when(?) he eventually meets her as she is now (4/4??? im pretty sure this is the last 🥺)
first of all: i just want to say that these are like- my favorite kinds of comments to get from you guys: the ones that are basically just stream on consciousness and I really get to see what you guys like! so thank you for sending it to me!! 
you’ll get to see the complete escalation of both their pack and the drama with the owner in the next two parts! I'm so glad it makes sense too you because it’s really anxiety-inducing writing like this- kinda never knowing if the idea in my head makes sense until you guys have a chance to see it!
 and YESSS you totally described the yoonmin scene right- its mostly just yoongi being all like ‘ah fuck! fuck why did I do that!” while also being happy that he did because yeah- he’s kinda whipped for both the puppies! I'm glad you thought he was badass cuz yeah! he definitely thinks in a different way than the others and has dealt with his trauma in a way of avoidance.
 fun fact: the line “why don't you hit me and see how well it works out for you” while tapping your cheek is actually something I said to my older brother when we were fighting once and he said “i could hit you right now.” ITS A DIRECT INSERT OF ME AND IM SORRY 
and dont worry <3 they definitely will meet again  
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minecraftoworymode · 5 years ago
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local admin discovers this CRAZY life hack, other admins HATE him! click to find out more -->
no but seriously what the hell kind of drama is bad enough that you kill one of your best friends and torture the other for an unspecified but presumably quite lengthy amount of time? did fred start kinning one of romeo’s ‘no doubles’ IDs? did they accuse romeo of being a homestuck and, having no way to deny the truth, he killed them in a blind panic? they didn’t play romeo’s nine-hour oblivion mod and he took this as a supreme betrayal? romeo wouldn’t get off the xbox when it was xara’s turn? what led to them fighting “for control of the world”?
i mean, given how much romeo wants friends you’d think that for him to consciously yeet the only ones he had there’d have to be a really good reason for it, right? right??
[well, at least it’s free real estate. everything in this post is headcanon territory, so to save both of us the trouble of having to read “i think” or “probably” or “evidence suggests” every two sentences i’ll be speaking as if this actually happened. but if anyone else has an idea of what the heck happened, i’d love to hear others’ takes!!!]
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big Fs in the chat tonight, pals. for all that he wants people to like him, romeo is really, really, REALLY bad at going about it like a normal person. (ESPECIALLY in canon. like. frankly it’s almost to the point of seeming intentional because NO ONE can be that dense about being such an absolute and utter scoundrel. who does things that actively malicious without being aware of how hurtful it is? even capitalists generally know they’re being bastards. canon, man. i dont know.)
but- he wasn’t always quite that bad at it. it’s just that once you’ve tripped and spilled paint all over your canvas, and also you have god powers that give you infinite copies of other peoples’ paintings, it’s a lot easier to plug your ears chuck the canvas in the trash and go LA LA LA, MUST’VE BEEN THE PAINT’S FAULT instead of admitting you made a mistake, cleaning up the mess you made, and trying again.
the admins’ friendship was the canvas. here is the paint.
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romeo really wants people to be his friends, and he couldn’t have had better ones than fred and xara. and honestly? he was perfectly fine with leaving behind everything and everyone else he’d ever known- all he needed were the other admins, no one and nothing else. dependency whoms’t? but for fred and xara, whose stances on relationships were , just a bit healthier than that- as much as they loved romeo- they missed the people they’d left behind.
romeo had invited them here- first xara, then fred- and while he’d of course agreed to let them go back whenever they asked they’ve- like, the idea hasn’t really seriously come up in... it’s been a very long while. i’m still working on the exact timeline here but it’s been- he’d almost completely forgotten about it, actually. they, on the other hand... hadn’t. 
it’s like a freaking 2x combo double whopper whammy of being abandoned and also not being “enough” that hits romeo right in the heart nuts. but hey! necessity (or what he thought necessity) is the mother of invention, and for all that he thinks himself stupid he figured out a solution- more than a solution, even! he could do them one better than bringing them the people they missed. he would bring them the people they wanted.
the custom npcs mod allows you to create, well, npcs. it allows you to set their schedules, dialogue, stats, appearance, etc. and you do most of it by right-clicking with a hoe which i find hilarious but ANYWAY romeo came up with something similar. at first, his constructs were... not very convincing, but a little help from a bright-eyed friend made them almost indistinguishable from real people. (herobrine is another post, but for the record this isn’t even the biggest crap he’s pulled.)
he was so excited, presenting his gift to fred and xara. look, i was thinking- you said you missed that one roommate, right, even though they always left the door open and didn’t put food away? ta-dah! look at that, closing the door like a gentleman! and you were missing your counsellor, right? well, miss no more! they’re programmed to always be there for you- you never have to worry about scheduling or other patients, here’s someone who will always care! and that’s not all- if you’ve been having trouble with any of your moderators- or even the normal humans, those are fun too sometimes- this lets you change their mind! literally! no more arguing about what colour to make the new concrete blocks, no more fighting over who gets the first seat in the rollercoaster, you’ll never have to deal with any of that ever again-! ... hey, why aren’t you- why do you- why are you looking at me like that? xara? ... fred?
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yeah, it... doesnt go over too well. the tool ends up broken, and romeo promises to not use it again- though only because it upset fred and xara, not because he really saw anything wrong with it. and he keeps that promise for a time. of course the paint can is already leaking, but romeo doesn’t see that yet. none of them really see what’s coming, not fully. how could they? no one wants to think the worst of the ones they love.
but they’re all understandably... tense, and romeo always tended to look to people to vent his emotions, and- the person who would come to be the warden  has a huge fight with romeo, right in front of fred and xara’s salad. like. it’s really bad. they’re both on the verge of tears and the warden SLAMS the door as he leaves, which does make romeo cry. and the other two are like... hey... do you want anything... some cake...? prog rock...? we can cuddle...? n romeo’s usually already invited himself to one or more of those things by now but instead of throwing himself into their arms and wailing he’s just, standing there silently, tears streaming down his face, looking of all things pensive. and next in the series of many shocking things to come, he does something he’s never done before: he brightens and says, “i’m going to fix this,” before resolutely walking out the door.
fred and xara are like. oh my god. is- is he actually going to talk out his feelings and problems? is this- is healthy open communication here? did we do it? have we reached the mental wellness? is it finally happening? n romeo comes back a few hours later with his arm around the warden’s shoulders and they're both smiling and laughing and it sounds like everything's worked out just fine. in fact, after that, a bunch of people who’d had beef with romeo in the past seem to work things out with him, all parties seeming genuinely happier for it. romeo’s made a real change! fred and xara have never been more proud, more relieved, or more wrong.
he can’t lie to his friends. he can lie to everyone else, up to and including himself, but not to the ones he loves. it’s just... they’d been so happy, and he’d never seen anyone that proud of him, and, and...
that doesn’t go over too well either. and he should really make the tool out of something other than like, wood, so it stops getting broken so easily? he certainly has time to do so- the silence that follows is the longest the admins have ever gone without talking to one another. in retrospect they probably should’ve known that things were only going to get worse from there, but could you blame fred and xara for hoping beyond hope that- since they were always the ones to drag romeo out of his sulking and brooding- him coming to them first was a sign that he’d changed, for real this time? and the way he starts the conversation- by saying how the admins’ absence has impacted the people in their care- it’s certainly promising.
but- ah, what’s that line? something like,
"Oft expectation fails, and most oft there Where most it promises; and oft it hits Where hope is coldest, and despair most fits."
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there are very, very few things that make fred visibly angry. not that things don’t ever make them mad, it’s just that their dedication to living their best life means that they’re generally able to keep a firm grip on how they express their emotions. but for romeo to brainwash- no, worse than brainwash- they don’t even have a word for it- fred’s own people? they’re called their friends for a reason! it doesn’t MATTER that he thought it’d make fred happy- did he think, for even a moment, about listening to what they’d said? does he not realize how absolutely vile it was to do that? the others are real people, too! all of them, not just the ones he considers his friends- do you even understand what that word means, romeo? "friend"?
what really burns is that fred isn’t just angry- they’re disappointed. they’re scared. they’re just as hurt as he is, which is just- how DARE they?! ROMEO’S the one who’s being yelled at! why are THEY crying?! (they’re all in tears now, actually, but romeo doesn’t notice his own.)
a deep breath. fred asks him to undo what he’s done. romeo doesn’t move.
a tense heartbeat. fred asks again, and takes a step forward. this time romeo flinches back.
there’s not a single quark between the three of them right now not on edge. it feels like the air before a lightning strike. something’s going to break. none of them are backing down. maybe none of them can because, if romeo’s not going to do it himself- fred takes a final step forward and asks, remarkably calmly, for romeo to give them the tool.
and then he does! and they apologize to each other for not having been more open about their feelings and defining and maintaining their boundaries and then they make up and have a really good hug and it’s great, everything’s great, and this is probably the mental image romeo tried to fall asleep to before realizing that that wouldn’t stop the nightmares and just giving up on the whole “resting” thing. 
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if you’re beginning to notice a pattern here with things really not going well, you might just be onto something about romeo’s behaviour. but to be fair none of them had gone into this situation expecting a fight- it was just, fred tried to take the tool and romeo instinctively pulled his weapon and- none of them realized quite how long fred had been losing blood? romeo had been lashing out, fred had been trying to take something he was holding while also trying to defend themself, xara had been trying to protect fred (and was also lashing out too, just a little)- i mean, they realized. eventually. and by that point honestly accidentally stabbing them wasn’t going to do anything the life force loss hadn’t, so like... 
okay, brief side note: as operator, romeo’s existence maintains the mcsm universe. he can’t die, even if he wants to. xara and fred had the next best deal (arguably anyway), in that they could only be truly hurt by one thing: the person who’d given them administrative powers in the first place. which happened to be the same person who’d, like, just stabbed his best friend and was now staring in open horror as said friend’s skin flickered back to its original appearance before-
just like that they were gone. just like that. the lack of body and inventory really should’ve tipped them off that something wasn’t right, but for all that they both replay that moment in their minds for years to come they somehow never consider that fred wasn’t quite dead. and romeo had always had such an imagination! but maybe it was for the best that they didn’t consider it, anyway. ... maybe it was for the best.
it doesn’t have to almost kill xara for romeo to take her powers, but it does anyway because if romeo made a lot of stupid decisions before that’s just gotten amped up to eleven now that 90% of his impulse control is gone.
oh.
oh no.!!
romeo watch out almost a millennium of unprocessed trauma and grief is sneaking up on you- romeo- oh my god he can’t hear us he has minecraft airpods in- romeo oh nO
anyway thanks for coming to my tedtalk! tune in next time to hear about the fallout of romeo’s actions across multiple worlds and the group of dissidents whose entire existence is to, well, diss romeo, aka soren’s cult. in conclusion:
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mykniverse · 5 years ago
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17
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TW// self harm, beatings, suicide, death
i remember storming home first, leaving family members behind. my thighs were pinched with thongs and i was dragged and locked out of the house in the cold. i was given a jug of water, some fruits and my schoolbag.
when sh did the same, he was lectured and was told not to do it again. 
i remember accidentally lashing out and i was forced to eat cili padi at 10 pm. 
when sh and iq did it, they were only shouted at.
i remember the day you found my goodbye card for my guy friend in primary school. i was scolded and shouted at and also beaten up.
when sh and iq exchanged love letters with girls, nothing was said or done.
i remember asking if i could go out with my friend at 9. i wasnt allowed to because i failed my exams.
sh and iq are able to go out even when their results are bad.
i remember wanting to go to a level camp so bad i wrote a note, begging to be allowed to go. but i got scolded for writing the note and i wasnt allowed to go. i wasnt allowed to go to camps till i was 13.
sh was able to go to camps between ages 11 and 12 with no problems.
i remember being told that if i failed PSLE i will be married off to a random guy. i was told to aim for 200. i scored 199. i didnt get to hear any “good job” or “you did well” as we had to rush to KL as someone passed on. in fact i didnt get to hear anything even after the trip. 
i remember sunday practices. waking up to reciting the timetable at the door no matter who was passing by. no breakfast till youre satisfied. and on weekdays after school, i’d have to recite them on a stool in front of the window where the sun was merciless. i remember when i collapsed due to the heat. i was in pain when i regained consciousness. i was asked to eat but while i was getting food i was slapped. i was laughed at by sh and iq.
i joined netball at 8. i was forced to quit at 9 because i didnt do well for my exams. i wasnt in any ccas till i was 13. but i couldnt choose what i wanted. i was forced to join a uniformed group. 
sh joined a dance cca and it was approved. iq joined badminton but quit. then he joined malay dance. both times it was approved. he was in the prefect team too. you kept giving him chances after chances even though he keeps failing. why couldnt i get the same amount of chances?
it was sh’s turn to take PSLE. when i texted about his results (i was out), you told me he did better than me. i was shocked as to how he could get 200 and above. he dropped out of the normal stream to foundation. he only scored 130. you were so proud of him. he went into a technical school and you supported him so much. i couldnt even choose which school i wanted to go to. “choose a school where you dont have to spend 5 years studying” but the first choice that you put would have led me to spend 5 years in secondary school. in the end i got the last choice that you put.
i remember you finding out that i was talking to a guy when i was 10. we were just talking. you found out and beat me up. i couldnt walk properly for the rest of the day. 
sh and iq are saying upfront that they have girlfriends but nothing is happening to them.
i got my first tiny phone that barely works at 13. i got my first actual, second hand phone at 14. and an actual phone that wasnt passed down at 15
they got their first brand new phones at 8 and 12 respectively.
i remember entering a new school with an old bag that sags while they continued being in the same school with new bags.
i remember you asking me to choose a new bag and i asked about them. you said they wont be getting the same. i felt special. till you asked them to get new bags too.
you gave me an anello bag for school once. i felt special again because i was the only one who had it. but a week later they have it too.
i remember only going out with my friends at 15. but my curfew was before dusk. 
iq went out at 9. sh went out at 13.  you gave sh a curfew. he came home hours later and didnt even get scolded. i brought it up and you acknowledged it but nothing happened.
i remember going home late after school. im a teen am i not supposed to have fun with my friends? but you brought it up to one of the upper ups in school. i was put on probation for months. it was embarrassing. teachers thought that i committed a crime. an innocent me is getting probation? why? because i go home late. i cant say that i have things after school at the last minute because you say its ridiculous and bullshit.
sh goes home late. you caught him at the playground, mall, void decks. you scold him. and he does it again. but nothing major happens. iq calls or texts you that he is staying in school and you allow him to. 
i remember self harming between ages 12 to 15. i was asked to go counselling. now i realised that the counselling was nothing. it didnt help at all. they put the blame on me. when you found out about this, i remember you scolding me. “what is there to be depressed about? youre only 14. all you have to do is study” i was scolded so much for being depressed and for self harming. you had to go for some parents counselling thingy too. i remember that one time i hit an all time low and self harmed again. sh snitched on me and told you about my scars. you got so mad when you saw the scars. i remember what you said to me. “why dont you do it deeper? end the burden once and for all. it’s so burdening and tiring to go to counselling after work?” i remember crying non stop. till we meet him. i was crying in the train. sh and iq was pointing at me and laughing. what you didnt know was that i was typing my suicide notes. i planned my suicide. when we met him, you told him and he glared at me so hard. i was given the silent treatment for so long. when you asked me why, i lied and say that im hated by people. how do i tell the cause of my depression that they are the cause of my depression?
i remember when i stopped self harming and counselling sessions are done. you got new piercings and i asked you if it hurts. you would always retaliate by saying that me self harming hurts more than getting pierced. you consistently did this while i was trying to heal. i remember when jonghyun passed on. i broke down a lot. i cried a lot. i revealed my vulnerable side. but i was mocked. “when a celebrity dies, she’s crying her eyes out. i wonder if she would even cry when her mom passes away.” i literally had to excuse myself so i dont break down in front of you.
i remember that you talked to me before i went on to pursue my tertiary education. you said you were disappointed in me. you said you didnt understand why i was content with my shitty results. i was content because the entire of 2018 was peak depression period. i could barely study because it was so overwhelming. the fact that i managed to even go somewhere was huge to me. i knew i disappointed you a lot because i was the only one who managed to maintain the standard and express stream. you didnt expect me to be where i am now. i put some money from my salary to pay my school fees and uniform for the first term. i already disappointed you so i didnt want to burden you. but you took it the wrong way. you thought i was trying to overthrow your responsibilities as a parent. you said that i was excited to grow up and get rid of you from my life. i remember being so shocked. yes i want to grow up so i leave this household but i have never once thought of getting rid of you.  
i remember and i know that you are very against what im doing now and what i want to do in the future. but im 17 now. im turning 18 soon. how long more are you gonna make my decisions for me? why cant i choose what i want to be? 
why do you assume that my depression is gone just because i dont have to go for counselling? why do you still joke about me self harming? why do you blame whatever sh and iq do on me? “monkey see, monkey do” what did i do? im still harming myself in a way. i picked up smoking at 13. and i started drinking recently. i have no idea where im gonna end up. a successful writer? at the void deck passed out? on the road surrounded by my own blood? i really dont know where i’ll end up. i dont know how long more i can take your hostile words. i hear that im useless every day. i hear that im hopeless every day. you always say that you dont understand us. why dont you try? why dont you try to put down your ego for a bit and try to understand us? try to understand me. try to talk to me. dont you notice that i never talk about how im doing? all i say is that im tired. and you scold me. “if youre tired then dont go to school” you dont even know when i get sick unless its the holidays. we stay under the same roof yet you dont know me at all. and you didnt raise me. for almost 10 years of my life, i was raised by my grandparents. please for once. stop talking and listen. understand. comfort instead of scolding. please. im losing my mind.
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chrome-mind · 6 years ago
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Angel Wings
Summary: Not everyone wants to go along with Angel’s plan. Note everyone wants to lose a friend.
Warning(s): Character Death
“Hey Angel, you listening in? Angel?”
“Yes… sorry.”
“Nah, just wanted to talk to you anyways.”
“Really?”
“Of course.”
    You shifted the Jakobs sniper rifle in your arms uneasily. Something was wrong. The sick sense of dread was creeping in as you finally neared the Core with the other Vault Hunters. The BNK3R had been an unexpected surprise, but even after it’s destruction it caused you worry. Jack was putting a lot of effort into defending this place. Sure the Vault Key was there, but if his ever increasingly hostile ECHOs were anything to go by, this was something more personal. He was getting desperate.
“Hey Angel, why are you helping me- well, us.”
“Pandora needs your help, it needs a hero like you.”
    “Angel… what exactly is in here besides the vault key?” you asked hesitantly. “Me.” the response was instantaneous, but not enlightening. “Alright, but why are you in here?” your expression turned worrisome “What are you doing in there?” One of the other Vault Hunters moved forward towards the voice recognition, the weird alien looking one, waiting for Angel’s instructions.
“The password is: I love you.”
“What’s life like for you? There’s no way you could actually be an AI.”
“You… catch on very quick.”
“Do you live on Pandora?”
“Not exactly.”
“Helios, then?”
“It’s rather complicated.”
    With the voice modulator, the door was soon open. You were the first to enter, peering warily over your now raised gun “Angel?”
“Consider this your final warn-- no, consider this MY final warning. Turn around and I promise I'll make it quick. But I swear, you take one more step, every soul back in Sanctuary will die staring at their own lungs as I rip them from their chests.” Handsome Jack threatened viciously, all previous signs of arrogance wiped away.
“Hey Angel?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“Jack acquired his Siren catalyst a long time ago. He kept her hidden from the world for years, but finally -- you will be able to set her free.” Angel continued speaking as if he didn’t exist at all. “Eridium alone could never charge the Vault Key. It needs a catalyst -- something to awaken its power. It needs... a Siren.” the elevator you had stepped into, which you would embarrassingly admit you did not notice was an elevator, let alone that it had begun moving, was starting to slow down.
“What are we doing here Angel?” your voice was starting to sound more forceful, your anxiousness getting the better of you. She seemed intent on ignoring your questions “I detect you're getting close. Hurry and reach me -- you must get the Vault Key and... deal with me.” “Angel.” The elevator stopped.
“Executing phase shift.” she spoke again “The Key is here, but…” the sense of dread you had was resurfacing the more she spoke. The ECHO she had been using since the first time she had spoken was fading as you and the Vault Hunters got closer. “To truly stop Jack from waking the Warrior, you cannot just steal the Vault Key -- you must destroy his catalyst.”
“You must destroy…”
The girl who has only been a repetitive video feed of a face on your ECHO, whose been the voice in your ear since the beginning of this mess, appeared. You looked over her form warily, it looked worn down. Hopeless. “...me.”
“What. I did not do all of this just to kill you!” you burst out angrily. From the corner of your vision you saw the other Vault Hunters shift. You did not know if it was from discomfort or if they were preparing for a fight. Sad blue eyes stared at you “Jack's spent years pumping me full of Eridium, using me to charge his Key and manipulate his enemies.” you couldn’t tell if she was trying to make it seem like it would be worth it to do this, but all you could do was sit in your frustration as she spoke. “Destroying the Eridium injectors that keep me... alive... will stop the Key from charging. And it will end a lifetime of servitude. Now--” She was suddenly yanked back, away from you and the others.
“You get the hell away from MY DAUGHTER!” Jack yelled angrily, even as Angel screamed. You rushed forwards immediately to follow after her, not even waiting for the rest “What the hell are you doing?! ANGEL?!” He seethed, still out of view. You finally set eyes on the Core itself, the machine that was holding Angel in place. The Vault Key. “What the hell is this?” you said aloud, horrified. “Stopping you, you piece of--” Angel cuts herself off, though Jack responds anyway. “Rrgh -- language!”
“The Eridium injectors! Destroy them!” Angel shouted. The siren Vault Hunter was quick to raise her gun and aim at the injectors. “No!” You shouted, slapping the gun in her hands away from the injectors. This gave Jack the chance to raise shields over the mechanisms. “What are you doing?!” Angel looks at you desperately, hands raised but not touching the barrier around her. “You can’t be serious!” You’re sure Jack is watching your every move now “How is this the only way?!” “I’m-” “You were put in that machine, don’t you dare tell me you can’t be taken out!”
Angel looks so sad now, but it looks odd. No. Not sadness. Pity. The other Vault Hunters are wearing the same expression as they watched you, gun raised. “I’m sorry.” she speaks softly “There isn’t.”
You realize her odd pity was also bitter. She wanted to live, but knew she couldn’t. You let out an agonized laugh. “We’ve been through a lot of shit that we didn’t expect to live through, this isn’t much different.” Even as you talked, your gaze flicked all over the room for something, anything.
“I’m sorry soldier.” Roland said through the ECHO.
“No you’re not,” you spat harshly “You’ve been ready to do this since the beginning.” “Look, kid, we can’t let you risk everything for one person.” Lilith decided to put out unkindly. You threw your ECHO comm on the ground, cracking it against the hard floor.
“You, Vault Hunter.” Handsome Jack spoke up. Everyone in the room turned to face at least one of the screens. He pointed at you, an uncharacteristic frown on his face. “If you protect my baby girl- if you let her live, I’ll pay you more than anyone could give you on Pandora.” he said seriously, almost desperately. You sneered at him after only a moment of silence “I’m not doing shit for you. She’s not dying, but she sure as hell isn’t staying here.” The CEO’s features darkened and you could see Angel’s pained expressions from the side of your vision. The first wave of loaderbots began materializing in The Core.
You lifted your gun to aim at whoever attacked first, the loaderbots or the Vault Hunters.
A sudden blow to the back of the head made you stagger and drop. You instinctively turned your body over to face whatever had hit you, your eyes met the blank mask of the assassin. On the ground, your ECHO still crackled, Lilith's voice filtering through. “Sorry kid, we can’t let you screw this up.”
Your ears rang and you let your head drop onto the ground with gritted teeth. Consciousness wavered for who knows how long, the sounds of guns firing and going off reaching your ears at random intervals. You were sure that the loaderbots had stepped over you a couple of times. In a moment of clarity, you gripped the gun that still lay in your hands, somehow never being knocked out of your grasp while you were incapacitated. You shakily raised the gun towards a panel on the side of one of the Hyperion made constructors. With a deep breath, your arm steadied and your finger pulled the trigger.
The shot almost missed, nicking the panel only just enough to do what you wanted. The constructor began materializing more loaderbots, faster than it should have now that the regulator had been damaged. Loaderbots seemed to stream from the constructor now. You did not get the chance to see if they had overpowered the other Vault Hunters as your awareness finally failed you.
-
When you awoke, it was silent. You were afraid to open your eyes. When you did, you wished you had kept them closed and just lied there for eternity. The sparking and scattered pieces of loaderbots littered the room, the gun arm of one of them had fallen on you sometime after its destruction. Picking yourself up with shaky limbs, you scanned what was left of the room.
Angel’s body laid limpy against what used to be The Core, Eridium pools surrounding the structure. You hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye.
These thoughts plagued you as you stared at the broken figure of what used to be Handsome Jack. He was still alive, but barely. The Vault Hunters had left him to bleed out, or get eaten by one of Pandora’s wildlife. Whichever came first. All you had to do to retrace the other Vault Hunters steps was follow the trail of dead bodies. The corpse of The Warrior lay half submerged in the lava.
“You could have let her go. You should have let her go.” there was no emotion in your voice as you sat in front of the man, hands resting on your knees.The former CEO simply stared at you bitterly. His mask had been taken by the Vault Hunters, the mark of the vault in plain sight. He remained silent, even as he bled to death only feet away from an Anshin hypo. You stayed there until the Rakk’s began to circle overhead.
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miraimisu · 7 years ago
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These Stones We Skip | C̷͓̮̳͒͂̓̈́ha̷̖͖̯̙̫̜̋͑͝pteȑ̷̝̤̙̺͂͜͝ 1
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[Read at FF.net]
[Read at AO3.]
Summary: Ochako, as a newcomer to the most powerful guild in this forsaken village, had not only one, two; but three responsibilities: grow stronger until she was able to pin the world down, untangle the mystery that her past was and survive under the eyes of a crowd that watched over her as night chased the sun’s tail, the charade going on and on until the thread… suddenly snaps.
Rating: T because of obvious reasons such as Bakugou and swearing children. And it’s an AU. Medieval AU.
Word count: it’s fucking long get over it
Author’s note: HI. I can't fathom how many followers I'll have lost in the month I've been gone but. life man. It go me real goo in the ass, uni and feelings. FEELINGS ARE COOL SOMETIMES. But like really. Um, I was pretty much down the mood? so all my friends at discord helped me over and kinda scooped me, said "YO IF YOU DONT FINISH THIS WHO WILL" got a viking inspiration and wrote it.
It's a bit shorter than usual tho, mostly bc this and next chap were supposed to be one, but for plor reasons I decided to expand on it. Not many visions, not much Kacchako developement, but we got the lore going! Actually who am I gonna lie, we did have kacchako developement. ALso thank bestie kwife bc without her who would I be.so next update should be a bit sooner I think, but I can't make promises D: I'll try to get back to yall soon ♥ thanks for everything, YOU ALL ARE AWESOME
Warnings: long yet shorter than usual, a bit messy but IT HAS SOME GOOD STUFF DAMN SON.
I’ll very likely have to edit this once I am over this chapter and repair any little plotholes I may have poked.
I just hope Google docs hasn’t munched anything from this fic I swear to god.
"Uraraka, Uraraka!"
A muffled voice was calling her in the distance– screaming, touch blistering as all surrounding her skin reacted to the calloused touch, the hands of a madman shaking air out of her until there was no feeling of skin differentiation anymore, and suddenly, consciousness came back to push her into the real world and gasp for needed air. It was like technicolor exploding into her, suddenly reeling her out of the blackness and, in a moment, all she saw was the color of blood.
"You motherfucker!" she very well knew who that gruff voice belonged to, but she was too busy coughing the swallowed, raspy water of the river. A hand came to slap it all out, which only gave her sore skin on her back. Her body contorted, twisted to a side as the fit got tougher. "I can't believe you would be so damn reckless!"
Uraraka wiped some remains of water off her chin and blinked up to her leader, who was squatting on her side with the most displeased grimace she had ever seen him sport. Now that she noticed, he was also soaked to the bone, hair dripping and pants heavy. "B-Bakug–"
The blonde leader let out a tch of impatience and shook his head. He didn't even offer a hand to her before getting up. "That stupid thing threw some of us off the cliff, and now we are stuck here." his head snapped to meet the clearing sky, raising his fist to the air. "I can't believe we didn't get him, he would have been plenty useful as a food source."
The brunette focused her eyes on the streaming river, calmer now and splashing at her feet. The dreadful canyon stood in a faraway distance from them, clouded by morning mist and the orange streaks of sunrise. Light hit on the walls and gave the peak a magnificent glow, surrounded by clouds of aftermath and ash permeating the air, a clear evidence of the catastrophe that had taken place a few hours ago. As she looked around, she stumbled upon the realization that they must have been carried by the currents for a part of the path, and Bakugou had probably– she gasped.
He seemed to notice her sudden realization, for which he looked aside with a regretful sway of his eyes. His fists were tense, arms extended, yet his whole self was consumed by a somehow tired and fighting stance. "You were the one who… saved me?"
Bakugou hissed loudly and slapped his cape against his legs in an attempt to dry it, but ended up having to squeeze it with a grunt of displeasure. He had a knack for wearing thin and light clothing, and his cape would sometimes be uselessly lost in the spur of a battle. Turns out this was the only time when it would have been useful to not wear it. "Not a big deal. I'm making sure you don't owe me any more of your glittery stuff–"
Uraraka quickly rose to her feet and clutched the fabric of her dress frantically, only to notice that her clothes were oh so damp and her gloves were gone, tattered with dirt and water. Still, this fact didn't let her lose focus on the matter, caution prevailing on her little steps around his heart. "You saved my life, Bakugou! This isn't a small deal!"
And a part of him knew this to be true. Once her little body had crashed against his on the currents, he had almost immediately wrapped himself around her to protect her– and it was so hard to admit it, but all that had crossed his mind when he felt her aimlessly spinning was that he needed to keep her close, because she was a damn valuable member of his guild and he wouldn't let her off his sight that easily. He had found grip on the seams and tugged them both up for dear life, her body still clutched to his chest when he dozed off, and still close to her when he woke up again.
The quiet rush of the waters near him were a grim reminder of how far things had sunk into complex waters of unknown feelings, his heart stretching and twisting the peaks of his fixated vision into something so much darker and stranger than he had ever seen. Bakugou was so stranger to peculiarities and irregular corners– after all, he had to deal with crashing timelines and a freak trashing at the end of his horizons. Yet, when he looked at the soaked, puffing woman, he saw something deeper than any of his journeys combined.
Depth. Yes, depth. That was all he could see when it came to her.
He was still torn between deeming it to be a good thing or not, that he had mindlessly risked his life to shield hers back there, where water soaked more and bit less. It had felt so right to get her away from there, and no matter how much he fought to deny and hate that feeling, he just couldn't really reject her openly without backtracking.
Then, he looked into her clean eyes. Was that what she felt on a daily basis? Were these feelings all she felt when she looked at him so intensely, so menacingly yet so warm and kind to him? When had that part tagged as annoyance bloomed into something he saw as positive now?
Bakugou gritted his teeth at her, a short lived action. If only he could go back to automatically wanting to slaughter her… somehow, the idea didn't sound appealing anymore. And he… was so tired of fighting the currents anymore.
This time, when he had fought the currents, it turns out she had appeared in front of him and all he had done was protect her. He didn't feel like the danger factor hung so heavy anymore. It felt… nice.
Sun peeked from between trees and hit on Uraraka's crooked hat, on her temple, washed over her left cheek and reflected on her eyes, twinkling against his hardened ones. Wind blew again around them, making their heavy clothes and hair sway, the shadow of a small boy falling in front of her for a second, smiling at her and taking her hand like a happy child with a sister, only to fade away slowly with the blink of her eyes.
Sunshine filtered between his tresses as well, slowly, as the orange light cascaded faster on her and made his breath hitch dangerously crisp in weird places he had never known. Something clapped louder inside of her heart, and he suddenly looked so handsome in the sunset, with her, the river streaming at her feet.
"I…" her mouth was dry, hands realizing the emotional burden he must be carrying, conscious of the tremendous leap he had taken for her. "I can't define how thankful I am to you, Bakugou. I owe you a big one, and I will spend the rest of the path showing you so!"
Her head bobbed a bit in agitation, lips moving yet he couldn't really comprehend the will behind them. All he could see was how beautiful her skin shone in the milky sunset, steaming off light like the sun with the peace and serenity of the moon. That itching feeling in his heart, it was so annoying – he scratched his chest a little, feigning a mere pain but aware of the danger being inside of him, not outside. "No need to go that far, Uraraka. I am the leader of this damn guild, it's my mission to fucking ensure your safety."
"Even mine?"
That was the real quid of the question, because while Bakugou cared about his peers evenly, he couldn't even dare cross her out like another one of them, because for better or for worse, she wasn't like them. Uraraka was the embodiment of all he hated, yet also all he wanted to be if he was given the chance to be born again. She was confusing, something he had always pushed down with so so much care he had never expected her to grow out of his reach.
It somehow hurt to admit that he needed her more than he would ever aknowledge. She was strong, stupid, and that vicious tag he had put on her so stubbornly, the walls he had built around her had faded somewhere in the past, along with their bickering and their silent oaths of loyalty and promises. It was no longer possible to deny that she mattered, too.
And now it was time to let it shine.
"…Yeah." admitted he to the lullaby of his rushing heart, wind tamedly blowing and sunrise washing over them. Her eyes widened a little, and her hold on her clothes tightened some notches.
And Bakugou turned around, wiping his cape to try and remember where he had reached to see the others, maybe a pair of his comrades lost somewhere around them as well. He could recall having seen half-n-half nearby, and also a woman, yet he wasn't sure of the latter's identity. He took a step in the direction of the forest, scratching his cheek in wonder–
Something thudded on his back and sneaked arms around his waist. After a intake of air and seeing the rigged sleeves of his peer around him, his shoulders tensed. He could feel her cheek nuzzling with his cape despite its wetness, and she felt so cold on the outside yet so fucking warm with the gesture. His arms tensed and flexed in pure instinct.
"Oi, what the h–"
"Thank you so much, Bakugou!" repeated she again, but the load hung heavier on the air and her voice was clearly strained. "For looking after me! Thanks for…" her arms tightened around him, and his arms somewhat gave in and limped on his sides, eyes somber and expression tight. "for trusting me, for walking blindly and… I swear I won't let you down!"
Something sounded in his ribcage, Uraraka knew. He took a big gulp and his voice was uneven, but hard and off to her. Gruff, yet low, and he suddenly didn't feel like himself anymore. "You better not, Uraraka."
She then gingerly removed her arms from him, and padded slowly behind him as she fell into pace with him in silence. Bakugou could still feel the weight of her arms around him, and when she had taken it all away – the newfound giddiness of a hug, the warmth of her presence and the burst of colors behind his eyes – an uncomfortable void had poked itself in his gut, because a part of him wondered what it would have felt to hug her back.
He would regret that, too.
"I have seen Yaoyorozu somewhere nearby the river when we got here, and I bet some more people must have fallen down that damn cliff." of course Uraraka tensed stiff like a dry leaf, and the boy eyed her warily from ahead. "No need to lose your shit over it, they will be alright." he palmed over his waist and visibly relaxed when his fingers touched the silver of his now wasted sword.
The sorcerer followed the weapon in deep curiosity, hands folded in front of her chest. His hands were clenched around the handle, tempting the fates of the ruined fabric – it was torn on some sides, almost outstretched at the back and stained beyond repairing – as his calloused fingers tested the feeling of being guarded again. It was then when she realized that her wand had been lost as well in the spur of the river, and her head shot to the shore to see if it had ended somewhere nearby.
Still – understood she a bit later on – she could still do hand wielded magic. Uraraka gave her hands a little shake and light streamed from them effortlessly. It would drain some more energy than usual, but perhaps this would be good for her training.
The pair entered the forest, yet scanned the shore behind the trees with precautious eyes. "I can't see anybody yet." spoke the mage after a few minutes, the path stretching on and on deeper into the forest. "I wonder how far they may have gotten."
"As long as they are alive, all is good for me." answered Bakugou, almost ignoring her while his focus was put on his discarded comrades. "The river flows straight into the Capital. If the streams have taken them nearer, the faster we will get there."
The Capital… she had read some about that place while skimming through spell books – which had been useful this far and frankly, she couldn't wait to get more of them – and meals at the guild. It was an awful big place with scattered halls and stadiums, a whole palace sitting at the very center of the town with a cathedral somewhere in between houses and shops. It was mostly known for its grand walls surrounding the place, guarded by an invincible crew of ruthless reformed barbarians.
It had all seemed so dark and dangerous to her, but after seeing some paintings of it and acknowledging the fact that Bakugou and the rest would be with her, she felt a bit more assured, safe. Just having the leader close filled her with newfound security, and it made her smile to herself– she enjoyed this feeling, that of seeing him as somebody she could entrust her body to.
A part of her wanted to think he would actually take care of her even now that they were even duty-wise. A part of her knew that it was more complicated than that.
"Speaking of," she continued her train of thought absent-mindedly, but judging by how his pace slowed down the tiniest bit, he wasn't strolling too far from her own thoughts. "how are you feeling?"
Disappointed with such measly question, he stopped in his tracks and turned to look at the river. "Perfectly fine, Uraraka."
"I wasn't exactly talking about your body." the girl fidgeted on her place, and the boy actually looked back with something similar to surprise knit on his rough features. "After our fight with Midnight you… were having some awful…"
How to word those murmurs that would turn into screams in the dead of the night, when she was most unprepared yet most pendant? Were they nightmares? Were they memories? What was all that he had said so fast and jumbled that it had left her unbroken, bleeding fast inside and feeling that very same trepidation she sensed whenever he was near?
There was something intangible keeping them separated – yet undeniably close, spiraling one around the other aimlessly, her nails scraping the metal of their chains yet never rendering them useless, and she needed to know what it was that had troubled him to get chunks of separation out of their way and grasp the whole meaning of it all.
"Spit it out." murmured he. A shadow had fallen on his eyes, fangs clenched in a menace that he always put up automatically. "We don't have all time for this, Uraraka."
The last part seemed ironically incorrect and worthless, but that was not the point.
"Well, you were mumbling lots of stuff and cried when we are treating you at the bay, and even back when I was carrying–" this was the first and last time she would even blush at such mention of close contact with him. He raised an eyebrow, clearly lost in her mind games. "carrying you to the village. So I wanted to know if–"
Bakugou was no fool, and clearly caught up fast as well. His response was a snap of a branch with the blade of his sword, voice hoarse and a few octaves lower. "That's… not your goddamn business. Don't pry."
"So you remember, huh." she didn't even acknowledge his threat, only scratched her temple. Uraraka was way too used to his shenanigans, and only needed to look deep into his eyes to see that something had been nagging at him from behind all along. "I am just worried, you know. You truly looked messed up."
And he had to bite back a sarcastic remark because he definitely never looked like a mess– if only, she was the one who was always a mess, dress dirty and hair bloodstained, but that was not the point. "Again, it's not your battle to fight. I'll be alright."
The leader sprung back to his side and carefully strode down a little slope to an uncovered shore, leaving a saddened Uraraka behind, clutching her heart in even worse worry. "Bakugou…"
She had seen it, the sting of his eyes and the aloof feeling to his words. They hadn't tried to bite her, or push her back– actually, they had unwontedly drawn her closer to his seething heart. Something dark had sparked between them, in her heart, like a mirror facing a crowd of mad bees chasing after a sugar spoon. It was venomous, not easy to tackle, tough and long, but she would have never expected Bakugou to be one to passively reject a hand and not reach out.
Admittedly, she could understand his reluctance to swat her away, but the fact that she had gotten so close to reeling truth out of him only fueled her fire. Her resolve got tougher, stronger, brimming in her eyes, and she promised herself to ask him about it later.
In the meantime, Bakugou heard her skip after him instead of using the traditional way of simply sliding down slopes. She could have slipped on the landing and she for sure didn't even care. "Don't go jumping around or you will end up hurting yourself. I ain't carrying you to the Capital."
Uraraka's soles slid a bit, but they just scratched some stones. She gracefully avoided a clumsy fall with some arm flailing. "I am alright, meanie! No need to be so gruffy about it– Uh!"
There was a cough near them, a strained retail of raspy breaths and cuffed life resonating a few meters ahead of them. Uraraka stopped on her tracks and snapped at the leader in alarm, whose storm brewed eyes shone in alert. He knew who that was, too. "I can't fucking believe this."
Uraraka nodded – somewhat agreeing with him – and rushed ahead, hearing the leader's frantic steps stomping against the mossy ground in pace with hers. A blob of black appeared, then there was a silver armor and a floret shining against the sunrise that peaked on the transparent streams. The sorcerer had to cover her eyes to nor blind herself, eyes lost in a sea of orange of the sky and the redness of that familiar armor.
"Damn…" the woman's chest shook again, heaving up and down in distress. Her elbows wobbled on the earth, and attempted to support herself once again, grimacing under the other two. "My arms…"
"Yaoyorozu– please, stop." spoke Uraraka softly, hands on her knees and head tilted for kindness, a very needed softness in this stray condition. The knight looked up, eyes lighting up upon seeing the pair. "We can't allow you to strain yourself too much. Are you injured?"
In other circumstances Uraraka would have thrown her arms around the knight– yet again, this situation wouldn't invite hugs and kisses over. While Uraraka hastily healed her mentor, they locked glances and simply nodded, glad of seeing the other alright. Bakugou was too busy being a bit shitty for the time being.
"We need to get to the Capital as soon as fucking possible." spat the leader, hands in his pockets and eyes bouncing from the river back to the girls. "Otherwise we will be even more delayed and we were for once working in schedule. We have two days and one night to get there and I have no fucking i–"
"I had planned on making a boat, Bakugou." Yaoyorozu thanked the sorcerer briefly before getting up. Her skin was marred in little bruises from crashing with rocks in the river probably, hair completely disarrayed – now that Uraraka noticed, hers was also a bit messy, caked with mud and probably an awful amount of bugs and leaves – and her eyes were dulled, no more glaze of licking fire gracing the view. It made her stomach lurch with worry, but pushed it aside. "But there is an awful storm coming, I'm afraid."
This made the other two turn to the canyon without sparing a moment, and saw a mass of black clouds rolling from the back into the sunrise. The path to the Capital along the river was clear, sun gleaming on the crystal river, but something dangerous would approach them by the middle of the day. The brunette craned her eyes to the squinting leader, whose shoulders were tense in planning. Uraraka had always known this guy was intelligent, but he couldn't live up to life's mad racketing, and this sure was a setback to his prior plan.
So much for marching straight to the Capital. Judging by Bakugou's grim expression, he didn't like that, in a constant hurry to get to RampAge. Everyone was pretty hasty about the issue, but the fact that the blonde was so especially enthusiastic about getting it done so quick stood out like a sore thumb to her. And his voice came out so thick and strained that her suspicions only burst into a technicolor of darkness and sudden dread.
"Where the hell did that shit come from?" barked he, and no wonder some swearing had dipped into her vocabulary considering how much time she spent with him and his foul mouth. Uraraka had the urge to scoff.
Yaoyorozu crossed her arms, watching the clouds make their way to them ever so slowly with critical eye, brows knit in frustration. "That's what I'd like to know. I can't believe the next electric storm will get us while we are on a trip– also, I can't create anything akin to a mean of transport with this little energy and the risk of crashing on the air."
The brunette glanced at Yaoyorozu, wanting to ask oh so many questions, yet she remained silent. In such state of confusion and still trying to pick up the pieces of such catastrophic defeat at the canyon, she was in no place to meddle. She let Bakugou speak while eyeing the incoming storm with slightly narrowed eyes. Probably timelines weaving wrongly. "Seeing how the wind will pick up soon, we better take refuge somewhere."
Something clanked wrong in such brash plan, and it was time for her – as the everlasting opposite force to Bakugou's rash plans – to counterattack him. "We can't go take refuge so lightly without looking for others! There may someone injured nearby."
The hunter growled because she was right, as she usually was and there was no moment in which he enjoyed her having the upper hand. This time though, he knew the field better than her, used to survival trainings and knowing how to handle it. Not like he would convince her despite his obvious expertise – it was Uraraka who he was talking about, for crying out loud – but he wouldn't waste time in making her agree with his ideas.
"Yeah, but we can't risk our lives so lightly, either." his red irises swirled around the curves of the black puffs of chaos in the sky, frowning. "We are in a forest. The risk of having lightning reach us is too high to handle this with much other perception other than survival. We can't let a pussy storm ruin our plans because we tried to play hero."
Again, that man was intelligent to a horrifyingly high degree. His ideas were sharp, logic fast and convictions quickly founded. Whoever who mistook this mess of violence and buried emotions with an uncivilized beast was dead wrong, and Uraraka could bet that he would most probably outsmart in many aspects of life. She was no wimpy ass though, and she would not back down from the challenge of proving him to be a smartass better than him.
"Still, there may be somebody nearby who is injured." supported Yaoyorozu. She was also wary of this option and didn't really feel up to taking too many risks, but the whereabouts of her comrades worried her as well. She couldn't help but imagine any of her close companions hurt and get this gnawing feeling of nausea crawling up her throat. "I suggest making a quick sweep of the zone while we seek refuge. The shore could have washed over anybody and brought them to land."
Uraraka looked up to the leader expectantly, whose face had clouded with hesitation and vacillation, yet he ended up bending to the circumstances. "Sounds fair enough. But you better watch after your asses, I am not a babysitter."
The blonde marched onwards, again wiping his cape behind with a puff of annoyance, followed by the wobbling knight and a very offended Uraraka. "Not like we need to be babysat, jerk!"
"Who are you calling jerk now, Uraraka? Wanna go!?"
Yaoyorozu meanwhile limped a little behind the bickering pair. "Such a bunch of children…"
"Is Yaoyorozu asleep already?
Uraraka was met with crimson eyes glaring at her from the walls of the cavern. Thunder rolled outside while she shook raindrops off her hair and cape, the sheltered logs clattering to the ground under his unimpressed stare. "Not like she could hold up for much longer. And whose body would that be if it were to be anybody else?"
Uraraka wanted to feign feeling offended, but she had no energy to do more than kick the logs into the embers nearby and limp on the wall opposite to his. "Please, don't be such a jerk today. I am almost dead now." the girl sighed. She could feel Bakugou's muderous eyes peeling skin off her body, and switched topics hell fast. "Did you give her the treatments I told you to?"
He nodded curtly and hit his head against the wall, making Uraraka briefly make her eyes dance around the shades thrown onto his body, muscles rippling under the light– she forced her eyes off his figure with a gulp, a light blush covering her face for a moment. His flickered against hers from underneath his eyelashes. "Can't believe Asui's lessons paid off. I thought it would go to damn waste." his eyebrows arched at her hunched complexion, not that used to seeing her so beaten up. "Did it take much to find something dry?"
"I managed. There isn't much rain as of yet, so it wasn't that much of a challenge." she combed her hair back and blew some bangs off her face, letting Bakugou admire the dimming shimmer of her cheeks. It unsettled him for some reason, and he didn't exactly know why. Her fingers threaded and threaded until her hair was completely disarrayed, and stayed out with lidded eyes eating the fire. "I just hope the fire lasts through the storm."
The blonde leader looked outside. The cave wasn't too deep, had an end to it near the entrance and was ample enough to keep the warriors far from the other. After such tiring experience at the river and battle against that howling monster, there was no fiber of their being which would hold up against the other if they strung the wrong chords. Their grudges against each other were getting smaller, but they were still bigger than their bones and broken soul.
The girl looked out as well, the eerie silence around her, rain failling softly near her and dampening the air in solemn reminder of the tight situation they wer ein, like a clock slowly ticking into a point of chaos and complex angles, her surroundings full to the brim with shapes she couldn't distinguish, yet it was all ther ein front of her, in silence, as if mocking her for being too idle in this situation. The environment was so stable and empty, yet full of life that she couldn't believe there was such existential crisis looming over them in that very moment.
The cave… that's where the old man lived, right? Her eyes tried to make out his shape in the midst of the storm, as if he would be waiting for her there, observing her– yet there was nobody there, and it somehow unsettled her that she had had contact with him in vain. Regardless, a part of her knew their encounter had meant something– she had felt it in the air, that shift whenever time pushed her onwards.
It felt cold around her, lonely in front of a fire, colder and bleaker than any nightmare had ever etched itself to her mind. There was this soaking notion of the leader being near her, but it was no more than a notion. All she could feel was the rain falling outside, fire consuming the logs, but it all fell on an invisible carcass above her. The notion of nihilism permeated her the same way that man's hideout had, and it only made her remember the clash of solutions that had surfaced in the span of a week.
Uraraka could clearly remember how Shinsou's eyes had melted into hers, like water sipping from a creak on a rainy ceiling, and had made her feel so many emotions at once. Looking at her hands, it didn't make sense for her to stick to Bakugou's opinion, because if she had met Shinsou first, it was highly likely she would agree with his ideas. Now that she thought about it, her opinions and ideas were more foundamented on circumnstances than on facts, and believe it or not, as a direct participant on the issue, she needed to think about where she stood.
Because while she was 100% sure she was against Shinsou, she needed to find out what else to do other than think about the madness behind that sorcerer. They needed a full-proof plan, and that's what she needed Bakugou for now.
"Say, Bakugou…" his eyes snapped from the entrance to meet her in a sideways glance, one that didn't make her feel at ease at all. "why are you so against Shinsou's idea?"
Bakugou clearly was too tired to join the dots, and frowned at her with a full-on glare. "Care to elaborate?"
Always so edgy, that man. Uraraka returned the hardened stare, needing points of view despite not really needing his, out of all people. Yet, as a leader, he would offer a pretty expansive insight on the matter. If Yaoyorozu was awake, she would ask her rather than Bakugou, and and she would make sure she asked her as soon as they reached the Capital. "What Shinsou said, back then at the dungeon."
"What the fuck, Uraraka–"
"I am not taking sides, don't jump into conclusions." clarified she. Their eyes met above the fire, and there was something so enticing about his eyes staring at her so intensely, a far off memory lost in a sea of lost causes. "But I was still thinking about what got you so worked up about him. I know Shonsou's ideas are crazy–"
"You bet they are."
"– but still, is there an ulterior choice other than that?"
The blonde didn't alter his glare much after her world changing reaction. To be honest, he should have seen her coming. "Again, care to elaborate? I am not a damn mind reader."
He was getting defensive and edgy and she didn't like that thorny side of his at all. Her hands shot up in front of her defensively, smile quick to show but quivering at the corners. That man was something she could deal with for now, but he could get the best of her awfully easy sometimes. "I-I mean!" why was she even stuttering? she wanted to slap herself. "Well, all I know is that Shinsou has a plan and all, and he seems to have contacts and people to carry his plan out, or so people say – and I wondered, what exactly is our plan?"
Bakugou's eyes softened to a somewhat tender shade of red, flickered with flames licking his slight fears away after seeing her so undeniably afraid of rubbing on him the wrong way, making her just look like an innocent soul– again, he knew she was by no means innocent, but the shade that the fire threw on her momentarily blinded him.
"Go for that RampAge fucker, smash it– just destroy that motherfucker." his violent string of wording left her a bit cold on the spot, and made her eyes widen. "Then we catch the man behind the curtains and beat the shit out of him."
Uraraka had always rolled with the plan, as when Bakugou had initially explained it to her – it seems like he had forgotten about that detail or decided to let it slip, as he hadn't reprimanded her for asking again – it had all seemed fine and easy, but after Shinsou's encounter she somehow needed to come clean with the situation again. She hadn't been given a choice to pick sides with either the good team or the bad team– but what defined each, really?
The sorcerer was likely to follow the good path, but she also wanted to know what the other side had to it so she was ready for their tricks in the future. "I still don't know where RampAge's connection with the timeline issue lays. How can a monster be connected to such an intricate problem like time bending? And also, a sole man?"
It was obvious Bakugou was pissed by her inquisitive nature, but it wasn't like he shouldn't have gotten used to it by now. Look at her hands, at her eyes, those incandescent irises and her tough, violent hands which held gentle intentions with the weight of the world on her shoulders. For him, she was sometimes like a needle of glass supporting a basket of apples: fated to break, yet idle and uncracking. It sometimes made him wonder if he was made of other materials, too.
"Our theories aren't made out of thin air, you know." responded he, all but gentle, yet his voice came out like such and he hetaed this because it wasn't the first time it happened, above all in front of her. "And it's fundamented on other explorations from prior parties. Are you trying to dick with me or–"
"I wasn't attacking you, don't get so defensive." apparently he was being defensive of it, because he actually flinched at the accusation. She noted that fact down among with all other things she had to do – they were piling up – and looked at the leader even more intensely. "I just don't see how such a monumental problem can be solved so easily."
"Our problems can't come from any other source than that, stupid. That damn beast appeared when our timeline was starting to be strained, when people started having these crazy visions and when my damn weapons disappeared from my storage." he jabbed his own chest purposefully, and stood up with a jump. "So don't try to play clever with me."
Uraraka also stood up from her safe place, straightening her clothes with a huff of disappointment, since there was no way she had actually hugged this man hours ago and they were bickering once again, after so many steps forward out of the hate zone. "I am not playing games, and while I do also see this option as the most fit–"
His lips were drawn into a snarl. "Then why question it!?"
"Because I also wanna know what path I am taking, I wanna know the exact reason as to why I am not going to Shinsou's side right now instead of–"
Bakugou jumped over the small campfire to the rhythm of lighting striking outside the cave, and he landed right before her, making the sorcerer take a step back until she was hitting the walls of the cave. "What the fuck are you even implying, mentioning that fucker now!"
He was way too close, his breath fanning against her face rapidly and gusting through some disarrayed tresses– but in a way, Uraraka didn't mind it much. From such close distance, she could name each of his eyelashes, count the endless number of little scars on his cheeks – what would he do if she touched them? – and stare at the glimmer of his eyes on hers, which were considerably wider. It turned out that the bickering from seconds ago was kind of forgotten to him, as a new indescribable feeling had settled and it was not going away.
His breath hitched.
"Actually, I can see where Uraraka… is coming from."
The smooth pair tensed dramatically and turned to see Yaoyorozu scrubbing her eyes, yawning and hunched over herself. A linen blanket lay over her form and pooled around her knees now, but Bakugou couldn't focus on that now. "What the hell are you doing awake now?"
If the knight hadn't known better, she would believe she had interrupted a sensitive moment between them, but that was impossible. It was Uraraka and Bakugou, for crying out loud. "You guys are a bit loud…"
The brunette blushed and let herself sink to the floor, clothes scraping the uneven surface of the cave walls. "I'm… sorry, Yaoyorozu. That was unacceptable from us."
Unexpectedly, Bakugou nodded as well, and sat down criss-cross in front of her, near the fire. His eyes lingered on her for a bit, aggressivity gone but now replaced with a feeling that didn't sit well with Uraraka. He didn't look dangerous now, he didn't look like himself and, for a moment, he had looked ambiguely better to her, so close to touching noses and his voice so intimate. What… had that even been for?
Why had he even looked so taken aback by seeing her so close? Uraraka rubbed her face in her hands, and felt like dying for even taking such little facts into consideration.
"It's fine, Uraraka." yeah, it wasn't. "I am a light sleeper. It's only natural you guys woke me." her voice was grainy, hoarse, and so unlike her. It looked like the river and the past events had taken the worst out of each of them, and Uraraka didn't like it a single bit. "Now, about Shinsou and all that, I can get where she comes from with all this."
Bakugou was confused by this to the naked eye, yet inwardly shaken up. "What are you talking about?"
The knight scrubbed her eyes open again, feeling how the fires fed her with energy and how Uraraka's curious eyes scanned her meticulously, as if studying her. That glance of hers would go like that ever so often, but it sometimes made Yaoyorozu wonder how many things could go through her head at once. "All we have given Uraraka ever since she came to us has been either a warning or small problems to deal with, but we haven't offered her our solutions other than destruction and messy havoc."
"Not like she fucking put up a fight on that matter, y'know."
The girl shook her head. "The point is, Uraraka doesn't understand how everything ties to our final showdown with RampAge. She trusts your ideas because they are marginally better than Shinsou's, otherwise she would be completely torn on what to do."
And that was the understatement of the year, because if there was somehing the sorcerer didn't understand was the foundings of Bakugou's planning and what had him so on edge with this foe. True, he was dangerous and a threat to humankind, but there was this something that lurked behind his eyes, a glint to his skin and a tremor to his lips. It was absolutely terrifying to see a major pillar of her safety stand in the middle of a corrupted lane.
"I just wanna figure out what the point is." summarized the girl, looking at her feet as she was damn aware that the blonde was looking at her. "I don't wanna drive into another wall like with Pyrox, where all we won was gold and a ban to our heads. I just wanna know what the point even is of all of this."
And the blonde could understand where she was coming from as well, this time, because all he had given her was pain and hell to deal with while she tried her best, and only now did he see how stupid he had been for once thinking she would bite him lest he gave her his hand to cooperate. Those cheeks were to rosy for a beast, hands destined for destruction, yet on a year off-work, apparently. Uraraka was bruised, a bit bloody, yet she remained like a stained, lone sunflower in a battlefield.
It sometimes made him think she was special, too.
Still, he wouldn't give her that, so his teeth gritted again in distaste. "Already told ya, the disruptions come from that fucker, hereby we're gonna destroy him."
"It just seems so convoluted that such a enormous problem may come from such a foe like RampAge–" his glare was enough to have her scrambling for a comeback to cover her little slip. "But I can understand it though! I guess that time-travelling and this guy are the ones behind it, right?"
Yaoyorozu hugged herself with the blanket and crawled to their side. "The problem does come from time-travelling, but this monster has a good dose of history with time-travelling. It is theorized he is the one who holds all disruptional time knots together. We could say he is the one who keeps the mess going on."
That bit of information made sense, yet something was off and both older members could see the pieces clicking in the sorcerer's head. "Wait, if he is the one holding the mess together, wouldn't it be dangerous for it to come undone?"
The tea cup shattered, and it seems like the shards were too sharp for her to take them lightly. It came as a big wave rolling over her and washing over in a blank slate of whispers and statics, making her whole body tingle in trepidation as her muddy eyes shifted to the leader, whose blistering pools stared right at her as if to mirror the same inward turmoil that spirraled in a sway of chaos and doubt, it all coming out as a pained grunt of messy incoherencies that left Uraraka realizing that he knew of this setback– yet he was still willing to go on forward with yet again another risky plan, and it made her furious.
"What the hell, don't give me a bark when there is so much on the loose, Bakugou!" her voice shook her vocal chords and suddenly boomed across the cave, which was small and quickly enveloped her. "How can you be playing with the strings so uncarefully when something even worse than the actual–"
"Uraraka."
The girl was surprised to see that the female knight was not only unsupportive of her behavior – look at those black eyes, they clearly reflected something negative towards her, menace and scornful intentions shining through – but also seemed to be mad at her. Yaoyorozu sighed before speaking up. "I do agree with you to some extent, but I will never take your side on a matter like this. Trust me when I say he knows best this time."
The blonde silently thanked her for her intervention, because he didn't feel like spilling some scientific shit that late into the conflict. Uraraka had arrived at a late stage in life, and she had to understand there was no time for her to catch up with the logic behind her surroundings. All she had to do was trust them, but apparently she deemed it appropriate to stop and stare at all the interrogations around her.
He… didn't know what to make out of that, to be honest.
Still – he glanced into her sparkling eyes, a pair of pearls that never lost that angry determination of hers, and he knew he liked it, more than he would admit to himself – he knew she wouldn't be backing off easily. There were so many corners to her personality he hadn't seen yet.
"I respect Bakugou in his role as a leader, yours as my almost teacher and you both as warriors and worthy counterparts– yet, I just don't see how experience can defy the login in this." Uraraka tried to even her voice and succeeded in doing so, yet her posture was rigged and bumpy, agitated. "How is killing a chaos vessel not a risk for just the mere potential of a time collapse? Is it really worth the ris–?"
There was a big slam on the air near her, and suddenly Bakugou was standing up again, hovering over her small form. The rotten blade that had been laying around was flung to her neck, in a fashion so dangerously similar to their first meeting, giving her this sinking feeling of him taking steps away from her after they had been so, so close. "Listen up here. You got no fucking idea what that asshole is. You have no fucking idea who it is and what it's planning, nor what it has done to deserve this punishment."
"But–"
"Don't interrupt me!" she silver metal breezed through her pulse, waking up hairs from her nape. The needles ticked against the clock, cures and poison scattering across a wronger timeline Bakugou was so hellbent on both destroying and saving, and the complexity of it all made her discover the thought that maybe, just maybe, more anwers to those mysteries laid inside of him, unawake. "I have my own reasons to chase that fucker, I know what it is capable of, I know his science, so just fucking shut up already!"
It also dawned on her that Bakugou had this little side of him that was so raw, animalistic and likely of him to be expected, yet it was also an uncanny side to witness. Because while he was brash and typically rude and just an ass, he didn't have such habit to scream in full force like he was doing now, or show clear anger and vexation at someone or something, like her and their current situation. It never crossed her mind that he was aggressive, yet not that abrassive as one would expect.
Why was it that he was constantly surprising her?
"Bakugou… I just don't–"
A hand came to rest on her shoulder, rubbing on the fabric of her uniform with concern. It stopped whatever dangerous discourse Uraraka was about to release, and trust Yaoyorozu when she knew and manifested that it wasn't good at all to keep on with a certain topic– above all when it involved Bakugou. "Let it be, Uraraka."
"I just…"
"It's settled, Uraraka." the sword was driven straight into the rocky ground, like a Excallibur finding its gravestone, and the leader just tried to shrug off the tension with a hand to his chest, the itchy feeling somehow appearing again. "I'mma go for a walk or something."
The only one to stop him was Yaoyorozu, as Uraraka was starting to feel the shame of prying too much into someone's life and she suddenly felt mortified after probably causing another drift between them. If her condition as a sorcerer wasn't enough she had started taking too much trust with him and– the girl buried her face into her hands. "It's not wise to go around so carefree, Bakugou. The thunderstorm is coming and it's too cloudy to–"
"I don't give a fuck." snarled the boy too calm for both girls' liking, his body filtered by a clap of thunder and the blister afterwards. Something was shadowing his eyes, his hair, his whole essence– and Uraraka could feel that clank in his armor as if she had ran her fingers through it in a daily basis, but that wasn't the case and such notion of familiarity with him was going to be their end. "I'll be back soon I guess, I don't enjoy rain either."
With a last glance in her direction, full of sporadic hatred and nausea, he punched the entrance's wall and stepped into the rain, letting Uraraka see his hair weighed down to his jaw, his cape sweeping behind him– and he suddenly didn't look like the glorified leader he preached to be, he was just a broken boy under the weight of a secret he seemed to be holding inside and was bringing him to his darkest limits. Everything was washed into gray and dust, and he looked so frail and sad under the thunder's embrace, a element he had once thrived under.
It was unsettling. She didn't like it.
"What is…" her head slowly turned to see Yaoyorozu shaking her head, tucking herself to sleep again as if this was something to be brushed aside– and what the hell, it was all but that! "What did just happen? Is he gonna be ok?"
The girl chuckled from her position. "He is no small man, Uraraka. I am pretty sure you know that already." a beat of silence flew thorugh them, the knight aware of the wistful gaze in her eyes chasing his footsteps in the mud. "I'm sure you are still going to chase after him, right?"
"Huh?" her shoulders tensed, and her eyes whipped to meet hers hastily. "I don't know what… you are talking about."
There was a mumbled giggle from her, then a sigh of mixed contentment and mockery. "You two are always playing chase with each other, trying to poke in the worst places to trigger the other. It's kinda fun to watch at first, but I can understand his reaction when some topics are taken too far."
"I just… didn't know RampAge held a personal grudge in him."
Yaoyorozu hummed in stern approval clouded by the exhaustion in her eyes, yey she voiced her thoughts clearly. "Still, you can't go around asking mindlessly. Just… don't doubt him again. Do as he says."
Uraraka glanced out again, her eyes squinted in worry. Rain was falling hard outside, his weapon lay a few feet before her shadowed by the mist, and the rain would cancel out hs only innate ability: his hand wielded explosions. He was practically defenseless out there, where monsters could come chasing at him. Regardless, that wasn't her biggest worry, and one could quickly see that physical monsters didn't scare her as much. But the inner secrets he may be hilding back… they couldn't keep on being so blind to the other.
She needed to change that. "I'm just worried. I don't want to hurt him."
The knight was bundled in her blanket by the time Uraraka got up, her feet staggering to the entrance. Rain sloshed against the mud and coated the way to the river, into the forest and into a mist that seemed too cloudy for it to be barely noon. They had been walking for hours on end, from sun to sun until their limbs had been weak and their breaths and words ragged and dirty. Still, Uraraka felt as if her energy was fueled by that man's foul behavior, and there was no way to explain it any other way than magnetism, or some kind of masochism.
"Go find him." the sorcerer turned to find the girl probably tiptoeing into another realm of the universe, eyes dotting with dots of sheer exhaustion. Her whole body was numb after so much walking and the sensation of blankets like arms wrapped around her was… nice, like being lifted up by a cloud. "It won't do to reach the Capital with a severe delay because of his stupid ass."
This was the only time Uraraka felt like the insult was severely misplaced, and blamed it on his barbarian hands pulling on her heartstrings too clumsily, too carelessly that she felt too held down, too heavy and it just mattered too much when he was supposed to mean nothing. She could only hope she would get over it soon, because overworrying for somebody who was bound to not care would be emotionally straining.
With a nod, the girl skipped out and immediately felt downpour cascading down her hair and hat, shifting it askew before Uraraka liiked up into the dark gray sky. The storm was hitting its chorus and there was no way to let it pass without wondering how such a punishment had come down from above when it was clear and sunny hours ago. Uraraka would have chuckled humorlessly if she had been tucked in a blanket, inside her guild room, but she could only muse over the absence of birds and the turned off hues of the dead forest.
The girl didn't have to walk too much to find herself lost, albeit momentarily. Trees and trees dodged her and created a little path to the forest, trunks hovering and leaves crumpling beneath her feet, humid with the rain and fog that was getting lighter and lighter. Uraraka would sometimes try to slap the volutes away, but found herself with more foggy paths. Still, the girl trudged through the rain and the humid air to find the river in front of her.
The girl squinted and it was all it took for her to find him spaced out, looking at the stream with strange fixation on its flow, sitting under a tree's shelter and he suddenly looked so small and vulnerable, as if he was made of glass, and it dawned on her that Bakugou was a stronghold, yet all barriers had their leaks.
Uraraka padded to him carefully, hand stretched out as if to feel his warmth in the middle of the rain, but it was fruitless, like most gentle approaches she tried on him. But, asif thunder had triggered him, red fierce eyes flashed at her like thunder, her heart feeling struck and paralyzed at his vicious glare and defensive flexion of his arms, curled on his knees. "What the fuck would you want now?"
It was as if he had pushed them to the starting line again, stage tilting and makign her lean, stumble and fall into his games again. But Uraraka had learnt how to handle him, or at least how not to handle him. "I know it possibly means shit to you that I wanna apologize, but…"
His hair shadowed his eyes, weighed down by remaining wetness. "It doesn't match you."
"What…"
"Swearing." responded he between gritted teeth, spine tense. "The first day you came around you were still as fucking feisty, but at least a pure one language-wise." the leader scrubbed his jaw with a tint of recognition and rewinding. It suddenly looked like it had been so long since the night she arrived, but now they looked like complete strangers again.
"Bad habits tend to rub off, I guess." muttered the sorcerer in an uncharacteristic small voice. "I just… came to apologize for my behavior earlier." this time he did look up, waiting for her petty excuse to appear but no mumbled word came out, it was all sincere and heartfelt and he had this instinct that just wanted to trust her with his life. "Right before we began this journey I predicated my faith in you but… I let it slip once and it was clearly not the best time to lose grip on it."
The boy didn't look appalled at all by her meek expression, yet the way he slightly relaxed was a giveaway of his turmoil calming down, either because of her words or because her presence seemed to dim the rain around him. He wanted to think that it was because he was overly irritated with her to notice anything else. "Hell straight, Uraraka."
"I'm just… sorry. I do have faith in your expertise and I will comply to your plans. I may not agree with them but it's not like I have other choices than that, right?"
"What other choices would you even have?"
"None! That's my point." conceded the brunette with a tight smile. When his back hit the trunk behind his body she allowed herself to approach him and take shelter by his side. The way she was suddenly towering over him almost made him tug her down with him, but it wasn't worth it anyway. "I will stick to your side because I am your subordinate after all, and it's not like I can go making rules up myself. I just… was a bit short on Shinsou's side and…"
"I… get it, somehow." stumbled Bakugou, voice relatively calm for the inner storm he was facing. When she sat down by him he had this urge to push her away. "We just don't wanna risk having you walk towards that side of the coin too easily. You are still under trial, y'know. Having you wander too far into others' opinions is a bit of a risk. Still a newbie."
The girl scooted a bit closer to Bakugou with this interested look on her face which was so raw it could very well be false, but this girl was too fucking transparent to even try to lie. She looked to be that kind of person who either didn't lie or, if she did, she could pull it off effortlessly. "I… know it's hard to believe but I am willing to act under your orders, after all it's true I don't know best like you guys do."
"Well, as long as you don't fucking dare go with that bastard, I'm willing to believe you." rain fell hard in front of him, splashing on the river and hitting the mud, but they were sheltered, unaffected, and it made him look at her. Big mistake, as their eyes met only awkwardly to only look away again. He hadn't felt this stupid in his whole life. "I don't know what's the point to you coming for me into the rain, though."
Which was true, as Uraraka had no particular liking for the rainy, humid weather. "I was worried you would be too irritated to, I don't know, rage or stay out for too long."
"Again, I don't need–"
Uraraka kind of laughed and chimed in effortlessly, and he let her for this time. "I know, I know, you don't need my help, my care, whatever, but you saved me back there." her index pointed at the river, and he grunted in disdain as he could see her reminding him over and over already along their remaining journey. "I owe you this one. To care for you like you did for me."
"No need to make it such a personal issue, you know."
"But it is."
"Is fucking not."
The sorcerer crossed her arms, imitating his pose so comically he frowned at her. "Well then fine, it is personal because it's me caring for you and… admittedly, I also need something from you."
She heard a hoarse chuckle reverberate from his chest. "Of course you do."
Yet, her determined stare didn't dim or falter under his blatant exasperated tone— one that had gone from angry and hateful to just antisocial and crisp, yet she could work him through that, so she just went straight to the point. "I need deeper insight into Shinsou's plan to know what kind of person we could be running into in the future."
Of course, Bakugou looked at her with this ethereal expression of thinking she was being goddamn nerd. She reminded him of that greenie bastard too often. "Why the fuck would I provide you with all that?"
The girl sighed, and this was probably the first time Bakugou saw her actually stop and think about her next words. After all, they were in no easy situation and it was pretty precautious of her to ask about her choices – again, not like she had one, but it was not like she wasn't right on being cautious when it came to Shinsou. Besides, she was one of the very few people who could actually sweep him off his feet and throw him off a cliff if she so desired, so he was in no position to be picky.
He still waited for her to beg a little.
"Well… again, I fear what we may run into and maybe knowing what his game is will help us predict his movements." yeah, he never took her for a retarded, so of course her question would be damn clever. "Besides, after what he told me at the dungeon, I can't help but wonder why his intentions are so obscure."
"It's not like I can tell so easily, I ain't a damn psychologist." protested he, but understood what she meant. "I don't really get why his purposes are so different from ours, after all his guild isn't particularly keen on crime or dark stuff. Shinsou himself is a pretty laid-back guy, but his thoughts are wicked and distorted."
She, again, scooted a bit closer. He didn't notice. "How do you know him so much?"
"Being both leaders from champion guilds makes it only natural for us to clash, even if it's only at those shitty reunions at the Council." the girl nodded, as this was something she had kinda guessed. Treaties and stuff must be a given in big places like these, above all when clashes like the one at the dungeon happened. "Regardless, he is more than vocal about his intentions, and has the contacts to make them a reality."
That thing about contacts should have hit her as hard as it did now long time ago, really, yet when it came to her she felt an odd mix of sensations, none of them precisely good or bad, just dancing on the limbo. "Who are these contacts though? Because I haven't seen much crime around here."
"Most serious criminals have hideouts in the outskirts, some are just illegal hunters at the forest and then there are little thugs, drug dealers and the like." that was the information he had told her prior to this mess starting, but he sighed and was ready to tell her a little bit more than he'd enjoy. "However, I know he has been consulting some rogue sorcerers and hunters outside… and we can't do much about it because there is a legal loophole on it."
"How so?"
"Well, in the same way we can't go chasing monsters from other territories, we obviously can't go chasing criminals out of our frontier. If someone is making dirty business out of our territory, we wash our hands about it and push it under the rug." explained Bakugou. And this also explained some more tidbits on their ban from the day before, yet didn't quite end the one on Shinsou. "That means we can't do anything about his deals with criminals outside because it doesn't affect our village quite much, and it fucking sucks."
"But that's stupid!" exclaimed Uraraka as if Bakugou hadn't complained about it enough, and he rubbed his face with a hand tiredly, looking at her from a corner of his eyes. "How does a universal matter not include our village itself? If Shinsou is toying with the safety of our world, thus our village, we gotta–"
"Again, not that easy." he was quick to shut her up before she went on a full ramble like greenielocks usually did, and briefly wondered where he was at the moment, hoping he was taking care of his people like he would. "Shinsou has dark plans… but we cannot legally persecute him. I wanna bust that motherfucker real hard, believe me, but it ain't easy."
"But he is so obvious about them…" said Uraraka to no one in particular, hugging her knees to her chest. "How hasn't the Council made echo of the danger and told other villages?"
"With the timeline thing on their and our hands, it sure looks like Shinsou just seeks attention– but I know that fucker real well. It's all in his loser eyes." it was a bitten bark about the leader, so fierce and full of hatred that it left her speechless again. His boiling emotions were so… raw, so damn animalistic and blistering. "He seeks time bending to just destroy our timeline, because, apparently, he thinks stuff can't be fixed and that we cannot fix it–"
"And… you think you can fix it." breathed she, her eyes wide and face a bit distorted in horror. "Of all things, something as complex as a time-space issue?."
He knew where she was coming from and hurried to clamp the shitbox close. "May sound presumptuous, but trust me it can be pulled off."
It clearly couldn't be pulled off, and Uraraka knew it. So many bitten words polluted the jar of her heart and started to thump and trash around, yet never broke her pensive posture because, again, this was not her place to say anything. Still, it was true that Shinsou's plan was a bit too chaotic, but it didn't hold much of a candle compared to Bakugou's. Both were plain suicidal. And how the saying went, opposites attract, because two ends of a coin don't differ much from the other.
"Well, I just hope we can try to take out this... monster, this foe!" argued the girl, a meek insecure smile that Bakugou didn't look into invading her crestfallen expression. "I will train as much as possible to help you all, give it my all!"
Bakugou had heard that infamous phrase of hers some time ago, somewhere lost along the webs of an intrincated timeline but also somewhere closer to them, where fire hit harder and her sighs were less vibrant, less significant. Things had changed, his vision on her had changed– but her tone was as severe as it had been once, and this time he realized it could be significant.
"Ok, I fucking need to ask because you have had that shitty attitude ever since we set out and, Uraraka, what the hell?" he of course wasn't as assertive as he would have liked to, but that was another story he wasn't paying attention to that day. "What is this about giving this your all? Didn't I tell you the very first day that I wasn't gonna accept that shit on my–"
"It's different this time!"
"What did I tell you about interrupting me?" this little thing of his wasn't perpetual thing, as she had interrupted him endless times and it seemed like seldom did he mind it. "I don't know how this shit is different now. You still do seem to be doing the same shit over and over again."
"What are you even–"
"I know your shitty business more than anybody else here, Uraraka!" exclaimed he, his voice rising a notch too high than he had intended. "I don't understand how many times have I told you to stop throwing yourself around like some drag doll!"
"How are you supposed to know about me better than me myself?" her voice was somewhat knit in peaceful wonder, something akin to curiosity etched to her eyes and this infuriated him, because while she used to be the tiniest bit shaken by his words some time ago it seemed like the coin had flipped and landed on the side he would be losing to. "I am precautious with what I do, I know myself better than any of you and know my limits."
The leader scoffed and jumped to his feet, the ghost of an abandoned town of ire and hell rising to thrive again in his eyes, blistering on hers so vividly that when thunder clapped, the girl jumped into the trunk. "I am not gonna say this twice: I don't have you in my guild to go toying with your own safety. I don't think you are so fucking stupid to use too much of your power and over do it, that's why I'm fucking training you in the first place."
When her head tilted a bit down in deep thought, he thought the conversation was done with and they could get back to their comfortable pace of hating each other silently while really not doing so anymore, as Bakugou was finding himself caring about her safety more than he should be allowing himself– because the thought of her on the line of danger didn't inspire much vexation in him anymore, but a gut-clenching sensation settled itself on his being and it wasn't moving no matter how much he growled at it or her to leave.
Though, she had to speak again, didn't she?
"Still," her arms were crossed when he looked again, hands supporting her elbows while her eyes were again pinning his down, like a hurricane did to a tree on a field of unshed rain. "I will give this battle my all, for the sake of those in danger and those who still regard me as a bad luck token!"
His brow knit in confusion, her hands tucked on her waist as another knit of her now overtook her features. Wind blew on them, the storm coming to a close. "What are you–"
A streak of shy sunshine hit on some trees, washed over her clothes and melted on a side of her face, eyes shimmering like a sparkling lake and rendering his thoughts speechless and blank. "This time, I will change the curse of times with you all, and we will put this world out of its endless slumber!"
And at this, Bakugou couldn't help bit wonder, speechless again, how many impossible promises would she make before she broke.
They walked to the cave in silence, the girl almost half a kilometer away from her leader and already asleep when the boy made his way into the cave. Much to his surprise, it wasn't Uraraka who was waiting for him to wish him a good afternoon of naps, but Yaoyorozu herself with Uraraka's bag on her lap.
"I'm sorry to disturb you… but I think we must talk."
The hunter sighed, eyebrows loose. He couldn't see things going any worse than they were already now, and realized in that very same moment they were about to go downhill. "Yeah, I think there's something we need to talk about."
Yaoyorozu wordlessly rummaged through Uraraka's bag and when her fingers tapped hard covers, she held in a sharp breath. "I found this in her bag." the book was given to the blonde, making breath hitch on his throat and lungs constrict painfully at the letters engraved in front of him. "And… I am disturbed by this."
Bakugou sighed, shaking his head in disappointment. "Didn't you actually tell her not to fucking get this?" his head shook. "Seems like she didn't make much out of it. I should have seen this coming."
"What can…" Yaoyorozu's eyes drifted to Uraraka's sleeping body, then flickered to Bakugou's hands. "what should we do?"
The hunter's eyes narrowed at the volume in his hands. "... metamorphosis, huh."
"Oi kids, get here!"
"Father, we are not children!" Nameless ran to her tutors, flowers cradled to her chest in messy hues of pink and oranges. Another girl waited in front of her tutors. "I'm so sorry for being late!"
Mina frowned her eyes at her sister, glinted in malice and impatience at her sister. When Nameless was by their side, she watched her parents rub the girl's shoulders, yet never berate her for being so delayed on such an important day. "You are always late, sister! Get a hold of yourself for tonight!"
The brunette smiled at her sister sheepishly, and beamed at the shiny crown of flowers on her head. "I want a crown too! Why don't I get one?"
"So childish for not being a child, dear." mother put a set of dry sunflowers and daisies on top of the little girl's head, who seemed overly enthusiastic about the arrangement. She giggled into her bouquet of starry flowers, raising her hand to fit it a bit better. Her fingers skimmed through some petals, feeling the softness to them, and sighed in contentment.
Yet, there was no real happiness, it seemed – because she knew, in the end, nothing mattered. Life could go shooting in front of her like a shooting star and throw sparks to her eyes, lit them up in amazement, nothing would matter to her as much as she felt it should. Why couldn't she feel anything else than oddness, that crippling fear of being out of place?
Why couldn't things fall into place already, why couldn't the hanged man let the ties loose and let the puzzle pieces be settled? Why was the void only getting bigger? Still, Nameless would always smile, let the littlest of joys overpower her and let it all flow into her like a broken canvas seeking an artist's comfort.
In some certain places, the girl doing as much of a hand raise would startle more than one man.
"I love this so much, mother." then, Nameless shuffled a bit closer to Mina, the two smiling brightly at the other, surrounded by flowers and the starry night sky. The planets and comets seemed to be giving the little girl a rest from her hands, what she carried with them, and everything else that such a tiny girl could handle. "They look so good!"
Mina looped an arm around the girl's left arm. "We sure do!"
The brunette let her parents lead her away from the fields and into the lively path near the coast, hearing already the voices of talented singers and smelling the baking of fresh bread and salty fishes, all waiting for her while one of the petals from her crown fell apart, falling to the dirty mud.
The petal stood there for a while, maybe days, withered and disappeared with the earth around it, rain and piercing screams at its wake.
Life was good when skies were clear, clouds were somewhat gone and Bakugou was quiet for once – concluded Uraraka, her eyes shifting to the open sky around her. A change in the weather would have rendered her petty and whiny, her eyes shimmering in utter disbelief and stopping the sway in her hair, or the bounce in her step.
The breath of the forest and the murmur of the quiet streams had walked her into the capital with a lullaby, her chatter with Yaoyorozu somehow ebbing a weird feeling inside her chatter. The girl had sounded stern, had felt calm but had ended up coming across as mildly tired or irritated. Uraraka couldn't tell which, but there was no fiber in her being who was willing to give it much thought.
But then came a white something, a spot in the distance as the path cleared, as the river made a sudden turn to the right. A wide path with cobblestone laid ahead of them, and instead of staying behind to admire the grandness of it all, Uraraka was forced to fall into pace with her team again.
"Is that wall…?"
Bakugou increased his pace the littlest bit, either to get away from that mass of beating enthusiasm or to get there faster. Stones were missing from the nice paviment, some longer than others, and Uraraka also realized, as her steps trudged her forward, that some trees were brown with odd seasoning behavior, others chopped off, but the ones at the front stood mostly fine. Her eyebrows sunk in preoccupation, because how weirder could this get?
"The Capital." grunted Bakugou, and he made it seem as if he had been there all his life. The resentment he seemed to hold for this place told another story. "A madhouse."
He had seemed so eager to get here, yet he was so edgy now. What could have changed in the two nights they spent away from their crew. Something was shadowing his eyes, flickering his eyes with a flame no one would enjoy, yet she knew better than to hate the fire burning in his soul. After fighting with him, there was no way she couldn't bask in his sparks.
He was made of the same flesh than her.
Their steps slowed down again after going up a little stoned hill, and gasped at the comittee waiting for them at the gates of the town. "I can't believe this."
Strangely enough this was Yaoyorozu talking, not Bakugou who seemed to be about to explode. Uraraka though, didn't see anything wrong with a bunch of guards. After all the havoc with RampAge and the illegal hunters there was no way there wouldn't be a little guarding, right?
Bakugou was still fuming over this apparently, and quickly made his way down the short slope to get into the guards' peripheral vision. Much to the others' surprise, some guards acted on his presence and actually stepped out of the way, yet some stayed in their place much to the guild members' vexation. As he stepped closer, his words grew more frantic and he wiped his cape with much more strength. "Out of my fucking way! I have business in there!"
Ah, of course he would be too violent for the guard's liking, for they instantly puffed out like birds and refused even more to let him in. "Who do you think you are, boy? Stop the tantrum already."
Uraraka was quick to stop him before he drew his sword out, Yaoyorozu's hand on his bicep seemingly not being enough. "You won't do much for the situation by drawing your weapons out."
That calmed him somehow, so Uraraka stepped out to see if she could do anything to actually contribute instead of chopping some douchebags' heads off. "Excuse us, fellow guards, but we have important matters to discuss here with the heads of government here. We do not wish to put this sacred place in danger."
The brunette tilted her head back and wiggled her eyebrows at him in slight suggestion, shining with mischievous thoughts. Not so difficult, right?
Far from impressed, Bakugou emotionlessly smirked at her, the grudges from some days before shortly forgotten, despite having it deeply rooted that the talk would come one way or another. The girl whipped her head around to meet the leveled eyes of the guards, and their stares came across as vexating and somehow humiliating. Did these guys judge her for being a bit short and sweet-looking?
Honestly, if she put some damn effort on it they'd learn their lesson real hard. Instead, she swallowed her bruising pride and glared at them twice as hard. "I wouldn't like to repeat myself. My peer here has clearly stated that–"
"Oi, stop messing around, you too." one other guard stepped to the side of his mate, thumbing at the gates. "We have a situation in the city, and no one is allowed until this situation is cleared."
Uraraka bit her knuckles in frustration, because she had this inkling that there was little to zero truth in that. There was no ruckus, no disturbance in the air, and well– there was this blatant suspicion that if this were to be true, Bakugou and Midoriya would be informed beforehand by Sero and the spy team. Was Uraraka stronger and powered by the force of circumstances, been a bit more affected, and she would have wiped them out with no questions asked.
The fact that Bakugou had his arms so tightly crossed and he looked so pissed off didn't put her at ease either. Yaoyorozu, being the most mindful out of the trio, bit her tongue back before making the matters worse. However, Uraraka could tell she thought the same as she was thinking, and what Bakugou thought as well.
Sensing the awkwardness in the air, the sorcerer tugged at the high collar of her uniform, shrugging uncomfortably. "Well? What are we gonna do now?"
Bakugou tapped his fingers on his biceps, eyes blistering against the silver armors of the henchmen. He was severely torn between smacking those guys out of his damn way and directly breaking through in any other place, like a wall whether it had doors or not. Seeing how the situation was, though, he just poked daggers onto the other guys' backs, as they turned to their initial position just before the gates. "I wanna bust those fuckers into ashes. To be fair, it's not their fault some asswipe put them there."
The soldiers stood at the gates, silent and unyielding as if they hadn't heard them. They probably hadn't. "Bakugou, we can't stand here. The others must have gone in there already,"
Unlike the brunette would have expected, he only frowned and spoke as angrily as he could, no curses flying at her for being persistent. It was like the mightiest of magics to her to see him so quiet and relatively peaceful – albeit undeniably angry and grumpy, too much for the hunter –, and it would never tire her. The brunette smiled at him from the corner of his vision, and his chest puffed out a bit at this.
He was livid at her after the unfoldings from the other day, yet couldn't help reacting to her in any form possible.
"Bakugou, Uraraka is right." agreed Yaoyorozu, receiving a fair nod from Uraraka. "As you said, we have stuff to do in there. No matter what the situation is in there, it can't be that bad for us to interrupt our journey."
Yaoyorozu sighed, because the leader wasn't open to anyone's suggestions. His body and mind were separated into different entities, eyes drifting across the wall, probably seeking for ways to blow it up, and Uraraka was there, thinking as well– yet none of them were being proactive in the only occasion where it would be necessary when they were jumping at the other's throats in a daily basis.
The knight looked around meekly, hand to her chin as she racked each brick with solutions for the problem. She could create a catapult with her ability, or a ladder. Bakugou could blow up an entrance, Uraraka could lift them up. But them trespassing a legal border when being straight told they could not do so was not only illegal, but also dangerous if the situation at hand was bad.
They wouldn't know unless they tried.
"Guys," both warriors craned their head to their wandering companion. "it's of no use to remain here, we'll just have to wait."
But they were no fools, and knew what the knight was up to the moment her head whipped to fast, and how her feet marched straight to a side of the wall. Uraraka marched respectfully behind her peer, hands clutched to her front, but also saw Bakugou seething at the guards in a pretty ungraceful manner that had Uraraka stopping her walk and facing him briefly.
"Bakugou." her firm voice got his eyes on her for a split second. "Stop barking mentally at the guards. We gotta get moving somewhere, we are wasting our time here."
But the hunter's feet didn't move, and that prompted Yaoyorozu to stop as well. The moment one guard turned a bit to smirk pridefully at the blonde, the girls knew Bakugou had been triggered. When his hand clasped the ties of his cape and the fur around it, Uraraka shuddered. "Bakugou, what are you even–"
Yaoyorozu wasn't able to finish her sentence as she observed in terror – or awe, she couldn't tell – how Bakugou discarded his cape on Uraraka's hands. "Take care of this, I fucking hope you can do that much."
When he was a few meters away from her, the brunette took the liberty to hiss and bunch the fabric in her hands, fists shaking in agitation for his rashness and stupidity when pride got the best of him. Not like he wasn't that was fairly often, but there were times when it spiked up and it would never get less annoying to her. Bearable, yet still vexating.
"Oi, fucktards." some guards gasped at this outrage and held their shields a little higher. None of them held any difference between each other to Bakugou, and only faced them as pawns he had to move out of his way. "I don't wanna cause a pool of blood here, and you all sure know how capable I am of doing so without thinking twice."
None of them moved. If anything, they dig their soles to the ground and started murmuring among themselves, the silver shine of their stupid armors only making Bakugou's job a tidbit harder – but he was never one to back down from a challenge. If anything, he was the one to either trigger or finish them, and this time was no fucking exception. "I ain't asking once again. Either you fucking back off or I'll back you all off."
When the sorcerer behind him witnessed him twisting his wrists a little, her gasp came hurried and hasty. "Bakugou, don't!"
"Back off, you two." grunted the blonde, somehow making some guards actually giggle at an arrogancy that seemed undeserved, but they should know better than to underestimate him. "I ain't nursing you inside once this is over."
"What the hell, Bak–"
The leader of the team drove his palm forward, grasping his wrist for precision to then send ripples from the depths of his power, fire soaring to life in front of the guards and exploding in a huge nebula of pressure and ash which made his boots hiss against the dry soil at the pull as the fires licked the guards' skin beneath the armors, melted some spikes and set the spears on a havoc of fire and screeches at the bestial display. A warm dash of air washed over the area as Uraraka covered her ears at the white noise of various ripples eating the guards alive.
The leader's eyes had turned vicious, blistering and hungry for more flesh to burn, yet when he felt his peers give in a little to his power, he retrieved his hand from the attack and clenched his fingers in to feel his skin peachy, yet alive like it had never been. His attack had successfully cowered the mob to a stuttering mess, and Bakugou suddenly felt like a tower looming over mice.
"I gave you a damn wise advice." chided the blonde sternly. That was the girls' cue to come in, which they did with hesitant step. "No one stands in between my and my mates' goals. Not when there is something on the fucking loose as dangerous. So go fuck yourselves, you ain't of use here."
Uraraka found herself stumbling with her own words, because if his eyes had ever been so lively and frisk, she never took notice. Yes, his eyes, his irises were still there, they blinked and saw, but what lay behind it flickered gone for a pair of terrifying seconds in which his path had been momentarily blocked.
This man must be tired inside, something seeming to fuel his determination and dampen his rock solid body in something that seemed so raw, so human.
Yaoyorozu found her voice, but when it finally came out, it was somewhat coarse. "I wouldn't have been so brazen." but it was the only way out, too. "Will they be alright?"
Bakugou saw some guards scramble to their feet and break into a run, jolting out of the gates. Others lay limp and motionless on the cobblestone to where the leader walked, and deadpanned. "I should have for being so goddamn stupid. Otherwise, they'll be fine."
Uraraka looked around briefly. "We've got to keep moving. If chief guards or whatever authority they have here see us, they will have our heads."
"Well, the gate is open and empty now." addressed Yaoyorozu with a hand to the molten parts of a guard's armor, mildly impressed. "I don't think we had spectators other than this little crew."
"They talk so much shit about security, but they have their gates open all day." Bakugou sighed in exasperation while trudged forward, dragging Uraraka along by the arm emotionlessly as she stared into nowhere. "Let's get in there already, the rest must be waiting for our slow asses."
Yet, Uraraka dug her soles into the ground and pointed at a spot behind some trees that had Yaoyorozu standing still as well. "Hold on… Bakugou."
"What now?" spat he with an impatient grimace that only grew in depth as his step died, and followed the indication of her finger.
The blonde let out a loud whined groan. Two little heads sprouted from behind a tree, eyes gleaming at the previous show of might.
"What the hell!" his hands flew to his blonde mane, teeth hissing in annoyance at the two girls that skidded out of their hiding spot. "And who in the world are you two, midgets?"
The little ones were met with a threatening figure hovering over them the nearer they got, approaching the foreigners with meek expressions of both surprise and intimidation for the blonde. Uraraka clearly saw through them and walked to them softly, silently hoping Bakugou would stop whining around like a baby whenever something unexpected happened. The guy could get a grip on himself.
"Don't be startled, he isn't that dangerous." which prompted her to be almost knocked out by Bakugou's very same hands. "We are very sorry you had to watch that, we were just very hurried to get into the Capital and my friend here is kind of impatient."
"I am your damn leader, not a wimsy glitter friend of yours, angelface!" Bakugou wanted to bite those words back because 1), they were partially untrue and 2), because it had been too long since he had called her like that. Since she didn't seem to notice his words very much – she was too busy petting the kids' heads and being just too fucking kind for her own well being – he didn't speak his thoughts out.
"We didn't mean to annoy him, we're sorry for that, miss!" spoke one of the girls, looking at Uraraka while the other was comforted by Yaoyorozu and Bakugou's piercing glare. "It was just that we were given permission to wander a bit around– and we couldn't help but be attracted to such booming voice!"
Bakugou was on their toes again. "And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
"So when we saw this man facing the guards, we were in awe. We had never seen such magnificent free displayal of power in our whole lives!"
That made the brunette turn around knowingly, already feeling the man's ego inflate from the way his breath had somewhat hitched, all under what he had previously called midgets. When he found his heart, his words on it were tiny. "...ne?" however, he quickly recovered from the mild shock and rasped out a little growl. "Whatever, no new information. I am a damn powerhouse."
"Bragger." mumbled Uraraka under her breath, expecting Bakugou to actually not hear her. In fact, she had actually expected him to laugh at her or something, not slap her nape again with that nasty habit he was gaining lately. She was torn between considering it a friendly gesture or an abuse of his power. "Meanie."
"Sassy." responded he with a frown of his own, looking down at her crouched form, hands on his waist. The gesture looked awkwardly powerful from him. "Anyway, what do you two even want from us? We don't have any sweets, we ain't damn parents."
"That's not it!" exclaimed the girl by Yaoyorozu's side, who leaped to stand before Uraraka. The knight walked to the group as well, crouching to have a better eye level with the girls, armor clanking with every one of her movements. "For your information, attacking royal guards is illegal and you could be put into prison for what you just did!"
That earned the leader a judging, pointed look from his peers, making him emit a little scoff. "Please, not like we had other option than to do that." that did the trick and them looking at the girls again, but his mind wasn't at ease knowing those girls were such cunning midgets. "Are you gonna blackmail us with that or something? We could pretty much be mercenaries and kidnap you."
Uraraka only jumped up to smack him on the neck with twice the force necessary. His head bobbed forward with a hissed groan. "What the hell, Bakugou! Don't scare them! How can you even suggest such stupidity?"
"He is right, though..." Yaoyorozu tilted her head to a side, and the girls did the same, as if actually trusting them had been a wise idea. Now that Uraraka saw it with more time, it had been a reckless move, and Bakugou had had to suffer her wrath for her to realize that– again, he was no stupid man. She sheepishly grinned up to him with a little apology, to which he frowned in disgust and mental exhaustion. "You shouldn't trust strangers so easily."
One of the girls, one with caramel long hair, grinned and pointed at herself. "I have a special ability called Short Read. I can read someone's thoughts in a span of 60 minutes, I just need to be close enough." she then pointed to the other girl with her thumb, smiling some more as Uraraka's mouth opened agape. "My sister can create weapons with her skin! They bleed out of her skin if she knows what the material is. However, she will get ugly bruises if she uses too much of it."
In cue, the girl with shorter hair let her skin melt into the shape of a knife Uraraka had seen Kirishima handle during trainings during the ban. "Impressive! So I take it you read our thoughts and deemed us to be harmless?"
This obviously irritated Bakugou to no end, but Yaoyorozu jabbed him on his spleen to make him shut his mouth. It didn't work. "We aren't any kind of softies, I just wiped out a damn army of soldiers, for fuck's sake."
"That's not the point here! We do know you aren't weaklings, that's why we need you!" answered weapon girl, stiffening at the stressed need that Bakugou was sneering at.
"So you two do wanna blackmail us."
"Not really." the girl with longer hair twined her hands behind her back, swinging on her toes innocently. "But it's possible that we would shut up about this incident if you guys helped our town with this teensy problem we have. Our father is working on the case but we need powerful people to help him out!"
The blonde's answer was quick and sharp like a razor blade. "We aren't fair puppets, girls. We have better stuff than deal with the Capital's problems, above all when they tried to ban us out of there."
But as the only way universe would have it lately, Uraraka was hell fast to face him– at this point in their story, he was by no means surprised by this. "We can't test our luck that far, Bakugou."
He only crossed his arms, then closed his eyes in lukewarm contemplation, opening one when Yaoyorozu talked again.
"What is this problem we are talking about? We are in a pretty grand quest ourselves right now, and as my bold master put it, we don't have much time in our hands to spare." gently said the knight, her features as soft as silk. Uraraka had never seen so much sympathy in that woman's face, usually stern and focused on things by far more important than this. Uraraka blinked her eyes back to the pair of girls, silently agreeing with her mate's statement. Judging by his silence, Bakugou did as well. "But we could probably make some space for this if this isn't a big mission."
Yaoyorozu knew her schedules well, knew what she was talking about and always tried to keep her words in line with what her guild required. But this time, she knew they had no other option than to comply to these little girls. She was a proud woman, but there were times in which one had to bow to an intelligent move – which she hated, because RampAge was no issue to be dodging at the moment.
She watched the girls share a look, then sink into their shoulders. "Actually… it would be best if you went visit our dad at the offices in the Court. He is the head in the case and should actually be doing paperwork in his office."
Bakugou severed his frown a bit harder, the girl's shiny eyes boring into his like the fucking sun as suddenly – just what he fucking needed, the damn nail in the coffin – that damn sorcerer's eyes turned to his too, less hesitant and hoping and more pushy and impatient. That girl was too kind for his heart to handle. Not always in a bad way.
The blonde sighed. "Fine. But we will only accept this mission if our remaining guildmates agree to it. I ain't making such important decision with everyone's approval."
The thought readers clapped her hands briefly before grabbing Uraraka's long sleeve and dragging her along the bridge to the town, across a little stream surrounding the Capital. It should be a little branch of the river – if Yaoyorozu recalled correctly – and actual boats could row down them last time she visited this town. "Thanks a lot! our father will be so glad to hear this!"
The other girl dragged Yaoyorozu by her metal gauntlets, musing over the chilly texture of her armor and the little engravings on the metallic surface. There were little waves that looked rough after so many battles, and the fingers had little dents to them. It screamed toughness and strength, which weapon girl admired in silence.
The blonde skidded his boots against the cobblestone in restless vexation at the topic he had gotten himself into. "This is gonna be a damn nightmare."
"Sorry, but you are in the wrong department."
Bakugou slammed his hands onto the marble counter before him, shoulders rising in contained lit fuse. "What the fuck? How are we in the wrong depart–"
"Your question won't be answered here." answered the woman in glasses. "This is the Help department. You must head to the Conflict Resolution department if you are seeking our conflict chief. It's right at the other wing of the building, second department."
Yaoyorozu gently peeled Bakugou off the counter before he blew it up with his heating hands. "Thank you very much, miss."
Uraraka made a good work to distract the leader from his rising anger with her soft touch on his biceps, dragging him across the hallway of the building and pinching his skin so he would calm down. "Could you please behave for once? We are in the Capital, not a barbarian bar."
He removed his arm from her strong hold, relishing on the newfound freedom and starting to hiss from the little marks she had left in there. "You don't get to give me an earful, Uraraka." the boy trudged onward to a safe distance from her, wiping his cape behind. "Where the hell do we–"
"West wing." sighed Yaoyorozu, crossed arms bouncing as she jogged a bit to make it to his side. "Also, you must have the talk with her someday, you–"
"I know." barked the blonde at her unceremoniously, taken so out of context to others that some people turned to look at him, Uraraka included. This was what somewhat troubled him the most and he didn't have no fucking clue as to why. "Let's get this out of the fucking way first."
It took them little time to reach the next department under his hurried pace, full of impatience and utter anger at what he could tell was gonna be another dismissal. Still, as a responsible member of the guild, he found necessity in keeping his cool and trying to act calmly, composed, collected, under control. There was no way he'd prove right everyone who thought of him as a barbarian. Well, he enjoyed the comparison. But not in that way.
He stomped over to the next marble table. A little golden plaque read the place he was looking for. The man behind the desk, however, didn't pay much attention to him, not even a glance. And Bakugou was hard to not notice. "Hey, excuse us! We need to go see–"
This got his attention, taking shape as a sleek sideways glance. "Are you guys visitors?"
Uraraka stepped out this time when the blonde opened his mouth a little too much. She tiptoed to put her elbows on the marble surface, eliciting a curious yet softened eye from the leader, who looked to another direction as Yaoyorozu looked at him, eyebrow arched. "We were meaning to visit an authority in the Capital called Gun…"
"Gunhead." filled in Yaoyorozu, stepping to the desk as well. It was a pretty tall desk, and seeing her companions reach it perfectly made her feel too small. Uraraka propped herself a bit higher, her soles scraping the tile floor. She could very well make herself float, but that would be even stupider. "The secretary at the Help department redirected us to your department, so we were wondering if we could arrange a meeting with him."
All they received was an asshole worthy glance of total boredom. Bakugou already hated this guy and he hadn't even met him properly. Uraraka would be willing to have a drink with him, give him a chance. Yaoyorozu was having her doubts. That was how things were until he went back to his book and flung his feet over a stool. "You guys are in the wrong–"
Bakugou banged the desk with his fist, making various items jump and shake, some others fall off the table. That guy had a fetish with banging stuff when he was angry. "The wrong fucking department again." he retrieved his hand from the cracked surface with a huff. Uraraka's face clearly gave away that all drinks she'd be sharing with him would be a shot of poison. "Where do we have to go so someone can actually listen to us?"
The receptionist ignored the clear insult. "Fourth department in the second floor, Administration and Patrolling."
"Fucking awesome." reprimanded or… answered Bakugou, his head turning to the direction of dreadful stairs waiting for them. He gave the marble desk another tempted smack before leaving in the other direction.
Uraraka detached herself from the cold marble desk to see Yaoyorozu tugging a pretty pissed Bakugou from the failed mission that was bureaucracy, the leader muttering curses that no sensitive audience should be able to hear. As if to make the point even clearer, the knight looked back to Uraraka catching up with them. "He hates paperwork like this."
The brunette sighed with closed eyes, stepping faster towards the staircase. "Tell me about it."
The two women followed the grumpy leader with pressured walks up the stairs, crestfallen expressions crowning their faces. Uraraka busied herself by looking at the surroundings and out the massive windows that ran all along the egg-shell color walls. The day outside was clear, sun filtering between some measly clouds and streaming into little markets on the plaza below. It was so strange to be in such a posh, tiled and golden building while seeing such dirty scenery outside.
She sometimes wondered if the snotty people in the facility noticed the little daily disgraces from those people, selling their only food to eventually feed hungry children. The city itself was prosperous, it showed to the naked eye– there was no sign of poverty as Uraraka or basically anyone would have expected, but as she went up the charcoal stairs, all she could do was wonder what would have happened is she was one of those sellers outside.
The moment Uraraka touched the tiles of the second floor, a little ripple of nausea hit her. It hadn't come to her that her legs were a little bit strained from their walk to the Capital, and the pain was starting to flourish now, when she needed her limbs the most. The brunette gritted her teeth, staring at the leader's back, and decided she wasn't going to be a softie now. Not when he could let all his hopes fall down the moment she showed any weaknesses.
"Damn it." muttered she, supporting her weight on the staircase bar. Her feet almost crashed with the white vase of a little tree, but the sorcerer was quick to save the fall. Yaoyorozu noticed this slip, yet didn't mention it and just noted it down, frowning in decision. Vibrant images of her night with Bakugou swung in front of her eyes as she stared at his back, thoughtful.
His shoulders held no shake to their movement, or no ripple to his usually demanding behavior. He was angry as hell now, but remarkably calm as a leader like him should be. Pretty strange. Yaoyorozu knew there was something wrong, something he wasn't showing. Bakugou could act all stoic he wanted at the end of the day, there would always be someone to decipher him. Not because she was close to him, but because they had worked together for long now.
She sighed, feeling Uraraka stagger her way to her side. Yaoyorozu addressed her presence with a secret peek at her disheveled state. "You better do something, Bakugou." her eyes shifted to see the blonde banging the desk again. "Or we'll have her as a terrorist again. And we don't like being fooled."
The red eyed foul boy was at the verge of screaming rageful words at the receptionist again, but he got himself together and pulled a hand to his waist, tapping the loops of his pants for some patience. Uraraka deeply appreciated that, and wished he'd do that in a usual basis. "We are here to fix a meeting with your chief, Gunhead. His two br–" for the second time that day, Uraraka smacked him on the head, earning her a hateful glare from him, hissing as he rubbed on the sore spot. "his two daughters came to us and offered a meeting with him for some issue on the Capital's criminal activities."
Yaoyorozu tilted to meet Uraraka's ear, not lifting her eyes from the receptionist as he, yet again, probably dismissed them. "For your information, it's a pretty good sign to see him actually not throwing an immediate fit over you hitting him, but you can't overdo it that much."
The brunette blinked up to her in silence. Then, her eyes moved to Bakugou's agitated back while yelling at another receptionist. "Well, I'm just trying to stand my ground against him, he does it too often anyway. It's no crime." there were two beats of silence in which all Uraraka did was observe him from afar, feeling how despite being a meter away, they were a galaxies away. After the other day's row, there was no doubt they'd have to talk it out soon. She smiled regardless, like she always did despite the situation. "Besides, he's starting to change some."
Surprised, the knight crossed her arms again and looked at him, skeptical. "He may be warming up to you, but he's still a major pain, sometimes."
Which was true. Bakugou remained unchanged to the public eye, also to hers in most parts of his personality – yet, she enjoyed telling herself he was changed. He was at least not trying to kill her or actively kick her out of his life, which was a pretty solid step in the right direction. However, there was always this clank to his armor that seemed unbreakable, and it sometimes looked like no matter how much she tried to do for him, he'd never understand the reason why.
Indeed, he had saved her life – and woes betide from her not being thankful, but there was something deeper to his disdain to her that she would never make out, or even reach out for. Something would always prevent him from taking a big step and seeing her actions as something good, not something he didn't need or things he never asked for. His mind hadn't learned the idea of people caring for him because he hadn't cared about anyone beyond personal levels like she did all the time.
They were awfully mismatched, and this was a fact. She would always make the stars spin around him if that would make him smile, unconditional devotion for making people happy never dimming no matter the situation and just wanting him to see her, to witness her true power, to just notice her in a big crowd of madness and greediness, see her purity and her existence.
Her mind was like a satellite around his actions lately, wrapped up in analysing all his steps to her, all the words he said, all his gestures, how warm he was, and how deeply she cared for him that is was tragic that he would never see her, that no matter how much she fought for him, he'd never notice her.
Uraraka could very well make the world stop for him, make planets fall or stars burn; Bakugou would never bother discover her, would never bother be anything else than her boss, just see that she cared so much it hurt, sometimes, to be rejected. She could fake as much as she wanted and tell him it was fine– to be fair, it used to be fine to her, to care and never be cared for, but she wanted him to grow out of his solace shell at the top of his ego mountain and she felt like one of the very few who could help him.
He was a part of him while she was not even invited to his life. It made her wonder why she was so adamant on him on the first place.
"Whatever, we ain't gonna find our stuff here, either." again, Bakugou slammed a steaming hand against the counter, his cool fuse completely blown. "Thanks for the help, fuckstick."
The man saluted them a farewell while the girls strutted by the leader's side. Yaoyorozu was the first one to say something that should have been stated before that madness started. "We aren't making any progress here, Bakugou."
"Damn me before I give up to these fucker's halfassed system of passing their clients around like dolls. Not gonna put up with that crap." cut Bakugou with his usual sharper, but this time it was hoarser and more tired than anything. His anger came and went like the wind. Frightening much. When Bakugou splurted more curses than actual words, he was to be feared. "Nothing new to me."
As they let Bakugou guide them around the floor, both members noticed that Uraraka was awfully silent for her cheery self, a little tidbit that only Yaoyorozu voiced out, voice laced with her usual concern, yet less stern than usual. "Tired much, Uraraka?"
At this, she snapped out of her reverie, meeting her eyes with a gasp. "Hm?" Bakugou turned his eyes a bit to catch her reaction, a little frown knitting his features. Her grin afterwards was cringe-worthy. "Ah, yeah! It's been a pretty hard journey this far, I can't wait to hit the mattress!"
But Bakugou was inadvertently wise to his beastly nature. He knew all his peers' expressions as if they were his own, and he had seen Uraraka pain too many times for him to admit without shuddering, because he had caused in most occasions. He had seen from the very beginning that she was tired as fuck– more than him and that was an understatement, because he wouldn't be able to handle another set of stairs. This time though, while he wasn't good with deciphering individual emotions, he could easily see when someone was lying.
So yeah, Uraraka was tired, but not as tired to lose that little spark of hers he had never noticed until now, that it was gone. It seemed like, lately, all he could see was what life lacked, what she lacked when her good things disappeared. It was a detail that put him off for some reason.
Yaoyorozu turned to Uraraka fully, pointing at the offices behind them. Her eyes were kind like water, and her usual hard points were gone for the day. It was nice to see her be at ease with the sorcerer for a change. Everyone was slightly off to Uraraka, yet she couldn't say she wasn't enjoying it. "You can always head to search for the others while we sort this out on our own."
Sensing that something was indeed very wrong if Yaoyorozu was giving a free day so easily, Bakugou snapped, his muscles tensing and his body whipping to face the girls. "Hold up, who the fuck gave you permission to give her a free day?"
The knight looked back twice as hard as he was. Tired like Bakugou was feeling, he only swallowed his pride and crossed his arms at the victim of his hatred and general foul humor. "I'm most certainly not giving her a free day, because she has the right to rest just like we do. I understand that since she is a rookie she is still a bit beaten up, so she shouldn't be giving herself such a bad time. Right, Uraraka?"
That was clearly an indirect that felt out of place to Uraraka, but the fact that Bakugou and Yaoyorozu shared the same displeased expression, only varying in hues and wrinkles or scars made her feel chided on to a point that she recoiled from their dark oozing presence. She took a step back, then another two in a faster pace. She held her hands up. "Yes! I will go search for the rest, it's not like the Capital is that big, right?"
"It's more crowded than anything." responded the other, tapping her chin in recollection. She had been to the town a few times with Todoroki and Tokoyami for information business, but she had never stopped to go sightseeing. There was little she could say about the Capital street-wise. "All streets are intricately connected among each other, and there is a residence near this building. There is also this cathedral somewhere around the walls."
Uraraka perked up at this. "Ah, you did say there was a cathedral here. Do you have any idea on where it is?"
Bakugou only raised an eyebrow, surprised to see her so interested on this kind of stuff. He would never bother to step into any religious building unless it was for a wedding – and he would have to think about it unless it was his own, and that scenario was more than unlikely, it was fucking impossible.
If the knight was surprised as well, she didn't show. "I think it's on the far northeast corner of the walls, but I could be wrong. From the data Tokoyami fed me with, not many people went there for congregation."
Uraraka wrinkled her nose at this, a grimace painted in her even features. "Such a shame, but I will pay it a visit and check. Todoroki had mentioned to me he needed to go there as soon as he got here, so it's worth checking."
"Go now before this place gets cramped." advised Yaoyorozu, knowing what she was doing when she started shoving Uraraka to the staircase down to the hallway. "We'll probably be here for a little while more, so if you get lost, come see us. I don't think we'll be allowed to enter Gunhead's office straight away even with his daughters' kudos."
"Yeah, that guy looks busy as fuck here." commented Bakugou out of nowhere. Uraraka noticed that judging by his undivided focus on his surroundings, he had been considering this for longer than usual. "I can't shake the thought there is something going on here."
Uraraka cocked her head to a side. Her frame bangs fell a bit, softly. "What do you mean?"
He snarled at her like usual, but didn't call her names like he had been avoiding to do all this time. It didn't make that little nagging, sinking feeling of ignorance fade a single bit. "I just can't fucking fathom that such an important institution like this would shake comrades off their hairs so easily. No one in our village does that and we ain't half as important as these guys here are."
Yaoyorozu looked at him in understanding, making Uraraka feel stupid for not noticing this point as something strange, and not a hindrance. She wasn't used to these kinds of protocol, and she probably would never be at this rate. The knight spoke with a tight tone this time, looking around warily as well. Some workers caught her glare and cowered some. "I know what you are talking about. It did strike me as weird to see them tossing us to each other. None of them looked that busy to not be able to treat us properly instead of dismissive."
The brunette was shocked to look around and prove this right with a tight intake of breath. Everyone around them was either talking to each other or reading, playing basketball with spare scrolls or just staring out their windows. Nobody excepting the office sportsmen seemed to be doing any regular paperwork, which put her in alert.
"It can't be they are this free of work with the illegal hunter business and RampAge on the loose," reasoned Uraraka, pensive as her surroundings blurred into a sole idea of oddity and dire disturbance. "I don't think Gunhead is low on work, too."
"His daughters seemed sharp as hell despite being midgets." answered Bakugou abnormally quiet, as to not let the workers know their clients were picking on their movements and odd behavior. "They haven't had soft education if they can use their abilities so well this early, so Gunhead must have trained hard as fuck with them."
Good reasoning – conceded Uraraka, frowning – but it wasn't enough to see through this weird situation. If Gunhead was sending off work as normal and the situation did call out for laziness from the workers, they must be the ones with a problem or a secret behind. How was the Capital working properly if their main organisation was so lax on attendance and work?
She felt out of place, and knew this wasn't their battle to meddle in. They would probably talk about this with Gunhead in given time when he received them in their office. At this rate though, it seemed like they would have to barge into his office themselves before somebody from the departments let them in with free access. If Bakugou was that right on Gunhead's meticulousness, then he'd be willing to listen to their requests.
She had never expected to face such political parts from life, so full of corruption, greed and darkness that her heart couldn't even wrap around the idea. The world was full of people and, therefore, full of intentions and purposes, yet she would never imagine that people had different mindsets to hers. It was egocentric and obnoxious, but people being touchy, greedy or ill-intended just screamed wrong to her in so many levels.
Though, she only had to look at Shinsou and see it usually depended more on philosophies and mindsets, not actual actions. This was a point that she often wondered if Bakugou understood, but it would be comprehensible if he was too blinded by competitiveness to see through the mask of a leader and see a person behind, no matter how hateful they were.
Uraraka shrugged a bit in her uniform, her eyes dancing on the hem of her dress before meeting Bakugou's unperplexed eyes. He was always like a wall and in this tense situation of being surrounded by uncertainty, he wouldn't change. So the girl swallowed all the pity she could, spit some for later relief and padded to the staircase. "Either way, I'll try to look for the others. They may be able to fill us in about this messy organization."
"Ask Tokoyami about it if you see him, he has specific information about geographical locations and views more than any of us, even than me or Midoriya." spoke Yaoyorozu, seeing the girl off with a serious, thoughtful façade to mask all the thoughts she was desiring to speak out. For the moment, she just observed Uraraka start padding out of view, glitter and pink enveloping her faked giddy aura.
Yaoyorozu could see Uraraka smile all she wanted, make her be happy all she wanted, but if one looked closer, deeper, something had faded out of place in her, ripping at the seams. And the image of the sorcerer walking away from the pair had never looked so disturbing before, when they could have killed each other if Uraraka had wanted to. In the end, it always came to her, didn't it?
Watching her slowly walk away, her uniform swinging with the breeze, Yaoyorozu had never felt so transfixed to alarm and ubiquity in her full life. Seeing Bakugou tense up so quickly made her realize that not only was she right on her theory, but that he was the one holding the seamripper.
The Capital was pretty, the Capital was beautiful but the Capital was crowded. As Uraraka treaded through the cobblestone, wide streets, people crowded her surroundings shouting various things to each other. Fruits would fall from carriers and sometimes explode into juices, sloshing on her feet. The girl hastily dodged a loaded carriage of supplies as the man ran with them for his damn life, another crossed streets right behind her and the girl found herself more stressed out than back in the Court.
Uraraka sighed to herself, busying her eyes with two tasks– actually, they were three: search for her comrades, look for a gear shop and find the cathedral. Two of those tasks were correlationed, but her need for new equipment was so desperate and obvious – some people were looking at her pretty weirdly at her scruffy clothing in such little body like hers – that Uraraka had pulled out some gold from her pockets and counted the little coins while looking for some shop to spend them in.
When she made sure that she had enough for at least a staff, she dug her coins and hands to the depths of her uniform, huffing as her soles scraped the wasted ground. From a side of the street, she heard busy talking and screaming. The brunette looked to her side warily. At the pier to the river, in one of the many ports of the town, a gruffy sailor was going on a row about something with a younger man.
Curious, Uraraka turned her head to their side, eyes impassive until she saw a little knife peeking from the sailor's pocket. That was when her walk stopped and her eyes widened a little, her step taking a leap and skipping to the gates of the pier, peeking from a side of the gate so she wouldn't be seen.
"This ain't the right fucking fish the boss asked for, asshole!" screamed the sailor heatedly, banging his fists around the air, aiming to hit the poor deliverer who only grimaced in fear. He was probably used to this treatment. "You all doing you only fucking job wrong has my business hitting rock bottom, get your shit together and do your damn job right!"
Uraraka shed a nervous smile, disbelieving the situation in front of her. The man was so pale one could use him as a harlequin. "Talk about a sailor mouth." mumbled the girl.
"We are so sorry, sir!" squirmed the lean man in utter fright. Judging by how his eyes darted to the man's hands, he was also aware of the fact that the man before him had a weapon with him. Such a brave thing to do to actually face someone so angry and armed.
The sailor grunted endless curses to himself and pulled out a disapproving scowl of pure disgust. In the meantime, Uraraka scanned her surroundings with a deepening scowl, muting the screams and blatant rage. The boxes by the sailor were wet and muddy despite the valuable objects it supposedly carried with it, thawed at some sides. If the boxes held fish or any kind of alive being, they weren't making any noise to prove so.
Uraraka searched around the area with her eyes. From the sneaky – not so sneaky – place she was in there was not much room for investigation, but she could see enough. The little boat in which the sailor had come was kind of old, had nets on a side and more boxes on the other. The waves rocked the boat on the stream, and something came to her mind the moment a wave rocked it too hard.
"Fish selling… in the middle of the river?" wondered Uraraka, well aware of the people passing behind her but murmuring to herself nonetheless. She brought her fingers to her lips, eyeing the situation – how is it logical that the Capital was buying fish from external business when they had a damn river on their barriers? Was this part of the region lacking fish population in this segment of the river?
However, when Uraraka had fallen to the streams back at the fight with Midnight – she would have to address it to Gunhead later and have to go through the feelings of being swallowed and weighted down again, such vivid images imprinted in her mind – the water had been swarmed with fishes, some of them smaller, some of them bigger, some colorful, others not. She hadn't been able to discern typologies and species, but some had nibbled her fingers and it was enough proof.
So the point still stood. The duel against Midnight had taken place only a pair of miles away from the Capital, maybe some more. Then, why was this place actually buying fish instead of employing that sailor to reel some in?
This and the odd behavior at the Court from the workers there only sparked more interest towards this place's intricate mysteries. But that was a story for another time. Right now, Uraraka had to pile that thought to the endless little notes in her head and focus on her current goal. If this man was so keen on his surroundings like he was preaching to be, perhaps he had seen either her comrades or the cathedral. He didn't seem to belong to a fighting profession, so asking for a shop would be useless.
Uraraka shyly stepped out from the gate's wall and approached the sailor as the deliverer hurried out of scene. The sailor was putting some nets in a box and opening some to see the product they had given him. Apparently, some boxes were pure trash as the man recoiled from them, and when Uraraka reached him he was emptying one of them on the river.
"Excuse me, sir?" called the sorcerer in the most neutral voice she could muster, earning a yelp from the busy man. His eyes were all but kind to her when he turned around. "I was wondering if you knew where the local cathedral is. I am no–"
"Who the fuck cares, shitty girl?" yelled the sailor, spit bubbling from his foul mouth. Uraraka, while no member of nobility, wanted to step away. "I am damn busy with my own stuff myself, don't dare try to woo me into your business!"
His talking and rash behavior screamed Bakugou all over the place and she didn't know how to take this information, because she somewhat out up with Bakugou and was enticed by him, yet all she wanted to do now was leave this man despite having the very same features as him. Still, she didn't let first impressions get the best of her, and urged a bit further.
"I just need a pair of indications, I must meet some friends there a-and…"
"Again, just fuck off already, don't you see I'm busy here? Can't take a hint it seems." grumbled the man as he tied some nets to the boxes, jotting down a pair of lines on a paper while eyeing her ever so often. She didn't seem like she was gonna move anytime soon. "What the fuck?"
"I just need some information, sir."
"Who the fuck said I'd give it to you in the first place?"
Yep, this was why this man wasn't like Bakugou now that she saw more depth to him. Bakugou would have barked at her at first, maybe the second time as well, but he would have actually given her clues, or been stubbornly useful through anger and ire. It was who Bakugou was, and while their language was the same and them both screamed violence, this man was by far simpler than her leader. Knowing such deep analysis about her blonde leader made her suddenly question why she was so adamant on trying to make a difference.
It was… disturbing. But Uraraka shook it off and went on, her feelings feeling a bit shaken up after that. "I was just hoping you would. Everyone seems so busy here and all, I don't mean to disturb you with giving me directions."
He pulled up an adamant scowl, yet seemed to accept her apology despite this being very much silly. "Your sole voice is disturbing me."
"Sorry. Either way," she shoved her hands to her pockets and tried to ignore his blazing eyes burning on her. "I was also searching for my friends here. They are a big crowd, one of them has green hair and–"
"I saw several greenie boys around here. One of them came on a boat."
"No, they didn't–"
"The others came to ask for fishes. One of them actually searched a residence to stay." answered he. "I didn't fucking give them the directions but he didn't look stupid. I bet he found his way around the town."
"That must be Midoriya then!" exclaimed Uraraka, her eyes brightening again and even the sailor had to admit it was a rather good sight, to see such a lost girl smile over such a stupid thing. Look at her. That beaming smile could light up a room. "Thank you very much, sir!"
Instead of thinking of his life choices and stopping to see that a simple answer put nicely like this could do actual good, the sailor went back to his business of not giving a fuck, and continued making the inventory for his deliveries. He waved her off with his hand. "Fuck off already. I have stuff to do."
Nodding in gratefulness, Uraraka already knew where to go. The Court building was surrounded by very few big buildings itself, opting to have minor business around to promote them. And she knew that her comrades wouldn't be looking for fish out of all things, and considering that the residence Yaoyorozu told her about was nearby… yes! Uraraka cheered in giddiness while sinking into the mad crowd again, yet somehow this didn't bother her.
"I must go see the others and ask for medicine for sore limbs and search for a shop. Todoroki must know about the cathedral." rambled Uraraka to her neck, walking aimlessly in the middle of the wide street. She counted sub-tasks with her fingers. "Also, i should get some food too–"
Suddenly, a deaf echoed pain smashed her on the neck, feeling a sudden glare stare at her through the mad crowd that swarm around her. That familiar cold sweat coated her in fear and chills like that first time at the local fair– but this time, trained to be fast, Uraraka didn't budge. The girl turned around, her clothes flailing with the sudden wiping move and searched for her prosecutor.
A dark, cloaked figure stood in the midst of the shadowed people, the hoodie washing over her grim face like an eternal veil– and the whole world stopped spinning, she stopped beating, because for a reason this presence just evoked chaos and utter confusion in her. She just didn't understand who this was, why she was there, but all it did above all was grant her a feeling of fear, make her feel horrified at the sight and widen her eyes, take in the image and drink from it like a pure psychopath.
Hands cold and trembling, she couldn't find words to say other than a strained gasp, whatever thoughts she had in mind poofing into thin air, stuck in odd parts of her body and creating a raspy knot that tightened, the clocks ticking as the wind blew, making waves rise up and make this figure stare, black spots boring into Uraraka's distanced ones, cold falling on her and numbing all senses, a thrill and shudder tickling up her spine. Gulping down and trying to make her hands snap so they'd feel, so they'd be alive, Uraraka took a crisp deep breath.
The moment Uraraka was able to take a step forward, the figure faded behind the passing people. And the more time that passed with her staring blankly at spot, the more she thought it had just been a mirage from exhaustion. Her mind was all over the place recently.
However, when the girl turned around, she had no clue as to where she was. That person's appearance had somehow made her lose track of location and all she knew was that she was surrounded by buildings, people and skies she didn't know. She could very well be dissociating or just randomly transported to another galaxy. Uraraka was, once again, lost in this forsaken town.
"Where…" Uraraka doubtingly whipped her head around a little bit, confused. She tried to read some letters on some shops, but couldn't recall having ever seen them. She could, again, very much be at the other street besides the main one, but seeing how the roofs were slightly lower than at the center of the town, she seemed to have mindlessly roam around and ended up there. "Where the hell am I now?"
Her feet stumbled a bit as she turned around in angles, hoping to find some sense of direction in this messy sketched map– to come to face a dominating façade, then columns, and suddenly, a beautiful rosette glass on top of the building. "The cathedral." breathed she. After the ominous structure had made its way to Uraraka's recognition, she again whipped around a few times to check no one had accidentally or purposefully warped her there. No one stood out from the crowd, so she considered herself to be good to go.
The girl ascended the stone steps to the big fat doors carefully, her soles relishing on the cold feel of the stone, and advanced until she was at the doors. Somehow, this felt like such a magnificent thing to do, after all she couldn't recall being in any cathedral before in her life… or all she could recall from it. Which was, like, only right before she met Yuuei.
The brunette stood before the mahogany, brown painted doors of the cathedral, and gave one of them a tentative push. The door opened with a deep creak, as if eager to reveal all secrets hidden in such sacred sanctuary. Uraraka looked inside from a little gap, and saw very dim lights illuminating the eerie interior. There was a purplish hue washing over some benches, spare people coming and going all in silence. The whole place seemed completely silent and, compared to the unstoppable rustle of people outside, it looked like a paradise.
The sorcerer quickly skipped in, as if this was a private meeting, and closed the door behind her. The heavy door closed with a fateful bang, making her spine tense and her feet jump. Had she been less aware of her surroundings and she would have snapped into anti-gravity by sheer nature, but of course she didn't let that happen. As time had gone by, Uraraka had become a bit more careful when it came to her powers, and her own ability itself. Hadn't she gotten some grip and Bakugou would have probably had her head… along everyone else, probably.
Uraraka stepped out of the entry and found herself surrounded in a bubble of silence, where even her sole thoughts seemed to make too much noise in such tranquil place. The praying benches were arranged properly in rows, red velvet covering them and, as she passed a finger around its wood on the back, someone liked them clean. The carpet beneath her feet was tainted in crimson red, running to the altar at the front of the building, where she could make out the shape of a man.
The walls of the cathedral were dimly illuminated in violet lights from a great rosette on top of the altar, shedding life to the dead corridor between benches through which Uraraka walked wordlessly. She should feel like she was attending a wedding and she was the bride, yet felt like a corpse being delivered to the reaper.
There was a little atrium with candles lit up for some kind of rithual that had been held short ago – or was probably going to be held. Again, Uraraka wasn't sure at all – and there was nobody but a man standing there, looking at them as if they held the many secrets of the universe that Uraraka couldn't know herself, yet this man probably knew by now. The closer Uraraka got, the dreaded this man looked, standing still as if he wasn't even breathing. A part of Uraraka feared that he would shatter with her sole touch.
The girl approached the little stand of candles and entwined her hands in a little prayer, intending to be respectful. "Prayers."
The man to her right smoothly craned his head to look at her. It was then when Uraraka saw that this man had incredibly long hair, all clothed in leather and sporting deep, rosy bags under his dead eyes, unblinking. It was as if this man was alive, yet was walking in a dead corpse of flesh, yet had no heart or compassion behind those black eyes of his.
He regarded her briefly, then turned to the candles again. The girl turned again, but frowned slightly at the sight of a sandy scarf cuddling on his neck. She could swear she had seen it before, in the middle of a cloudy, foggy and cold evening, just like the surroundings of this man which were freezing her skin cold, singing her heart in dread because–
The girl gasped sharply, and realized who this man was. Her shoulders shrunk a little, yet stood as high as possible to make quick work of this unexpected encounter. Her hands were clasped at her front, and her breaths, uneven and chaotic. This scruffy man made her feel uneasy. This man, carrying the words of death and premonition to his very surroundings– he made her feel scared, small but somehow… there was this feeling again, of reminiscence that hadn't come to her before in their meeting at the mountains.
This man… she had seen him before. Before this moment, before their meeting in the fog, before her even being born. Planets aligned, the sun shone in the middle of the clouds, and he spoke gently, albeit deadpanned. "These candles are for somebody I used to know."
Feeling forced to fall into sync with his tragedy, Uraraka hurried to answer. She was shaken with doubt on whether to regard him as an acquaintance or a total stranger, because she wasn't sure if he remembered her to start with. "I'm sorry for your loss."
"It wasn't my loss." stated the man. Something in his tone made her think she should know who he was talking about and why things were like these, why his situation was such gloomy mess, yet she couldn't follow that thread, and complied to her inner wishes. She remained silent, expecting him to go on. At this, the man sighed. "It was the world's loss."
At this, the girl didn't give much of a reaction despite the man seemingly interested in that aspect. She only undid her praying hands and fisted the fabric of her pockets' insides. There was no grimace in ehr face, no twist like he had seen her do so many times before, and this woman couldn't be Uraraka – he thought, breathing deeply, yet gave no signs of early alarm. Still Uraraka couldn't help but ask, peeking at him from half-lidded eyes.
"The world's?" wondered the brunette. The flames flickered for a second, knocking the girl into a short trail of thought that went off-rails when one of the candles died, prompting her to look at him more directly, turning her head a bit. "Was this person that important?"
"I thought you'd know, Uraraka." his tone was so chiding and somehow cold that a startled shudder ran down her spine. Her name fell off so easily from his name, as if he had repeated it so many times, and his stance was filled to the brim with familiarity. Her body fell backwards, broke glass and floated down into a realm of darkness. A nebulosa of pure uncertainty was bubbling inside of her and echoing to her head, making her feel all sorts of feelings– none of them good.
Invisible wind blew on the strands of a long forgotten girl, lost to the rain in the middle of a war, and then there was her, dancing across centuries like a shooting star. In the middle of a sea of tragedies and incognitas, the girl screamed for the world to show her. "You remember me, I see, despite dismissing me."
The scruffy man let out a little hmph. It wasn't arrogant like Bakugou's, giddy and humorous like Kirishima, or thoughtful like Todoroki's. It was different in all aspects and it terrified her to face such an unknown, unmoving force. Now, it seemed like no matter how much of an unstoppable force she was, he was an unmovable object no matter the universe or time. And she had this feeling she had known this too, before.
"It seems ironic. After all, in such a chaotic world like this, destined to burn at the hands of an unfair destiny, everyone forgets everyone, lost in their goals and tangled fates." spoke he wisely, making Uraraka crane her head to him again, her brow knit again in confusion. It wasn't the wording that confused her, so embroiled and mysterious, but the meaning behind it. "I am somehow able to remember everyone, every face, every body that comes to me. Yet, the world doesn't seem to remember a fading footprint on its ground."
Another candle was blown to dust. Uraraka knew she had no comebacks to offer. What could she do? Should she confort him? His voice sounded undeniably miserably, yet what kind of relief could a mere girl like her offer? She was no more than another face to him, another face to everyone. In the end, she was nothing special, and aiming to be so didn't help the situation. Uraraka just drew a hand out, touching her heart with a feeling resonating with him.
Yet, something was holding her back from saying it, and she frowned even deeper because this wasn't like her, to hold immediate thoughts in. Her eyes were fixated on the flickering candles again. Her body was made of the same chemicals as everyone, could breathe, get sunburns and blister like a slave of her life– yet felt like this man knew better than her about herself, looking at her so deeply and speaking so fondly of such a tragedy.
"S-Sir, I don't…"
"I know the feeling." muttered he. His eyes met the same candles again, closing his eyes briefly to taste how the words would roll out and probably crash her alive. He could hear her blinking at him in confusion. "I have been in this world for ages, from times on end, watching seasons pass. I know every palm of this plane, know every angle of every street, I know who passes through the gates, know every wind. Yet… this world doesn't know me, doesn't notice me." at this specific wording, Uraraka's breath hitched. "Unfair, isn't it?"
The brunette took a step back, the feeling of fright and dread drenching her whole body in a thick cover of disbelief, seeing him stare at her without mercy, hands to his pockets as if he hadn't said one of the most disturbing facts in history. Her brows were knit, lips parted as if gaping to find words that were lost and scattered to every corner of her being– because she knew the feeling, that feeling of loneliness and misunderstanding. Thoughtful, Uraraka turned to the altar, her eyes reflecting the purple sparkles from the rosette above their heads.
"I have been in this world for far longer than you will ever realize. yet from all times I have ever seen you…" feeling even more uncomfortable by this indirect stalking or this– this premonition shit he had going on, the girl turned to look at him with a grimace of disdain. "you have never looked as raw as you do now."
She grit her teeth in frustration and let her meek, polite mask fall off and clatter on the ground. "I am sorry to say you don't know me, you will never know my feelings or–"
"Excepting that I do, because I know you, Uraraka." interrupted he, slaying her voice like butter on a heated knife. She found herself shutting up too easy, even waiting him to speak so she could see where the path led to. "I know what it feels to have unilateral feelings for someone, to chase after the sun's shadow, to be unnoticed by those who you fight so much for. I know what is like to have a blindfold and discover the truth too late."
Uraraka shook her head adamantly, her hands drawn to fists as her head bobbed violently from side to side. "Truth? What truth are you even talking about? What is this you all are trying to solve, what is the reason for such fight or–"
"That's not a question for me to answer, but for you to discover." answered the black-haired man with a huff, not sparing a glance in her direction. Her eyes blinked at him, feeling again slain by his words and just overpowered by him in such a way that it was as if his heart was looming over hers and cornering it into mild abuse. "If you want to discovers answers, you must do it on your own. No one will give you the answer you are looking for but yourself."
And something echoed deep into Uraraka, because this was the first time she had felt satisfied with an actual response in her life. It was like a rush of adrenalin teasing her to havoc her mind, driving her crazy with the mere thought of being shown what it meant to be alive, what her whole existence meant and what was the solution to the problem that loomed above, under and in front of her, but never meant to be left behind.
She felt so… giddy, in the middle of an eerie place with a scary man with piercing eyes that it felt wrong. And she didn't want to believe that this man had the truth when her guildmates were perfectly capable people. Still...
"My...self?" she echoed his words with uncanny care. It was painful for the man to believe she was so hopeless and clueless on how big the problem was to everyone, to him, to her. But things could change. Meanwhile, it pained her to not believe him, in such weak state of the heart. "I can't see the sense in your words, I'm afraid."
"Not like I expected you to, anyway." the man shared an intimate, voidless look with her sparkling, determined eyes– because she had never been put in this situation, of being faced with such a hard place of either kneeling down to a set of beliefs and rules that were safe, that would make everyone happy, or find a way out. But why would she even want to not believe her comrades? That was bullshit, and for now, she had no reason to not trust them with her heart.
So she refused, took a step back with her hand on her chest. She had made an oath to stay, to protect, to save and to change. What this man was offering, was insinuating… it was just preposterous! "I have no intention to bend to the likes of you, sir. I am not some manageable girl you can play with."
"That's fine by me." muttered he again, as if he didn't care, but his words had held so much richness and impetuous tint to them that it was impossible to not see through his true intentions. Still, he held his impassive pose, and reached down for a dusty book nearby. "You can be as stubborn as you want, but I have seen you before. You will end up realizing the truth."
The elder handed her the book with strong yet reluctant grip. Uraraka took the thick, black volume with both hands. "What's this?"
"A book." answered he,as if this was the most obvious thing in the world– well, it was, but she couldn't understand what this could do for her. "A book on good, decent spells, not like the ones you are taught in Yuuei. Bakugou wouldn't want you to stand so idle, knowing that boy."
Uraraka blinked at the man, then down at the book. Ancient glyphs were engraved on the tough cover, some dust left on the sides of the volume that she swatted off with a hand. She then realized how lengthy and heavy this book was, pages lacquered in golden hues and written in handwritten lines that looked like poetry, yet spelled out dangerous, vibrant spells of probably forbidden magnitude.
Seeing her so hellbent on devouring the book so soon, he allowed himself to shed a little smile of pride and turn to his back, stepping down the aisle Uraraka had walked a few minutes ago. When Uraraka felt him leave, she sharply turned to look at him from a bit afar, her little voice filling the whole cathedral brokenly.
"I don't understand why dismiss me to then give me all these explanations or whatever, and this book– what is it even for?" her message reached across dimly, but reached him cleanly, striking on the bull's eye like a moth to a flame. Her uniform flipped with her movements, making her feel brave, alive, yet so confused and lost. She didn't need answers now, answers she was second-handedly searching for, but craved them. "I do not intend to–"
"I know what the feeling is, to be forgotten, looked down on, mistreated, and not noticed." broke he, voice smooth like silk but dreary and flawless, as if he wasn't making much effort to speaking such atrocities and mad thoughts. What was he talking about? Uraraka waited. "Feeling alone, feeling clueless. I want to fix the world, but no one seems to care but me. Shameful much, isn't it?"
And there he went again, with this business as if he knew her, her circumstances and just whatever was going through her mind– but it was impossible he knew, impossible he could see through her so easily when all they had had was an almost meeting and this… whatever this was. Her eyes searched for his around his head, volume hugged to her chest in a comfortingly familiar manner while her hand reached out to him. Yet, there was this moment when she reached for the ribbon, and for once in her entire life, it seemed like her fingers could grasp the thread and tug at it. This man was responding to her.
Her breath was stuck in her chest, feet deep in concrete and wings sprouting to make her fly– yet she felt useless, because she couldn't believe this man, couldn't even look at him without feeling indecent, like a witch being hunted to thrive in the flames. Woes betide she got herself a solution, tried to go against the currents again, and darkness drew in a little closer, hugging her from behind and making her remember she wasn't alone in the light kingdom.
"You were the one to reach out for me, I answer. Simple, right?" spoke he, turning again. So much for total closure. "One day, you will know what to do, what to say and how to decide. I'll be waiting for you, Uraraka."
And with that the man of the sand scarf left, leaving a trail of dust at his wake and a broken, puzzled magician behind with the book of hell in her hands, whispering sweet devils in a sacred cathedral.
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andrieh-vitimus · 7 years ago
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Day 26:  domagick Geeze Wall, dont hit me so hard,
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So again, the magical work done before sleep  and work
Aum x 108. Using this technique.
Om Gam Ganapayte Svaahaa x 108
Chakra re-aligning and banishing   108 for each chakra, plus all together 108
Microcosmic orbit 6 breathes.
Condensing breathing into the bone.
Om Gam Ganapayte Svaahaa x 108
With my wife, again.   VERY helpful.  This started at closer to 11.  I was in the anti-zone on this one, but I recognized a pattern.  You see the WALL hits back, or at least it feels like that when you hit.  It’s a wall, I just ignored it.  I did the meditation then I sat there, and I wrote 0 words for 45 minutes, then I went and played video games.   I didn’t really want to play video games but I needed a break.   Now in the Domagick facebook group,  someone said they were truly worried about the illusion of having the ducks in the row.  Yep and that directly means more money.  That is the honestly how you get more general money in the industry.  You see, it’s all about fitting the expectations, the opposite of magical self-work in most cases for most real magicians.   This myth is not only toxic, it merely supports the hollywood lie of what magic is.     People have literally seen me break fucking reality a few times, but I am worried about # of facebook likes.    Right, I am not calibrating correctly to eh hem, whats important.
FUCK ALL that.  Fuck it.  I think one of the biggest actual means to happy the biggest means to be happy is to actually learn to not give a fuck about other’s opinions.   Once of the suggestions to help this week was to get into the 4 agreements.  Not a bad suggestion, but really not giving a fuck, or in the nice way of “know it says nothing about you” is real difficult when your cashflows depend on it.
I have to go back to the Sorath work.  I did learn the lesson of Sorath well, either you stand more firm and bend the public or the public will create you.  Either way something will be created, its just your choice whether or not you amplify yourself or get pigeonholed, actually either way youll get pigeonholed but at least in the first you have a choice. …  It turns out that even the amplification of the self, that aggrandizement is probably equally as bad as the false humility so many eh hem “pagan/occult leaders” have.   There was a reasons Taoist monks fled to the forests,,,, After my experience there, understanding the ehe “truth” there, I did run for the hills, well stopped blogging, stopping creating, stopped interacting with the public in that capacity.    I had other things to deal with. Everything even in the corporate world is kinda just expectation matching and you are left with the choice of bending the public will, or having yourself get bent ( MEME intended).   My ability to get along and work those systems depends on alot of factors,
Now in the mythological, occult writer as the rockstar, millionaire with no problems that provides the useful escapist vehicle for entertainment and distraction, the author can’t discuss the pain, even if we are actually working on shit.
That discussion, kills the myth although people will use the term branding.
Could you get more anti-life, and dehumanizing?   I can’t really see how.   Is not this the defination of soul-killing?
Then you can kinda see.  People get something out of the attention, and everything is about selling something ( usually just their own endorphins).    I mean I have weathered some real storms,  consistently came out ok, but I am tired of the prison of “perfect” expectations.   You start to realize how cynical and how correct Sorath is.   When you travel the path of the sun, from the negative to the Godform…  Or if you take a non-paradigmal journal from the dark sun to Amon Ra, you are simply left with one thing left to do…..   
Embrace the amplification, declare yourself a king, and bend/break the mob of collective expectations.   Of course, you can’t control it once its out of the box, so … have fun with that.    The other choice is the forest which will provide enough resources usually to eat and shelter.  Sometimes, the forest is just more compelling.
So how does this relate to the lack of writing, earlier I starting working on my resume and coverletter ( which is a whole another back of shit-storm) and then tried to switch to writing the book, doing the domagick work and then even running a webinar.   I AM GOING TO run the webinar, probably feb 3 as a stream of consciousness.. But I have to get all the time to do all the things… and then you realize, after work at 11pm..,  I just was not having it, or more correctly the subconscious mind wasn't having it,,, or even more correctly wasn’t into it.
Hence 0 words.
The meditation work to start off, does clear out alot of the things, but there comes a point where you are bitting off too many alchemical operations of these expectations to again work optimally.   See that whole perfect millionare magician with glamours trips or “powerful spiritual contacts” myth, ties in with the same types of dehumanizing that work does.   One cannot stare so easily into that abyss, and produce things for the public to consume, nor can they just “hyper” produce at work, or live in any of those things.    Again, happiness is probably created by saying fuck others your expectations of you, and also fuck your own expectations of yourself.   That said, the no expectations thing is also just another trap that leads to only complacency and a “expectation loop prision”.  Now the prison is just in your mind.
So I sat and thought about it, and think I will have to reneg on the promise I made.   I cant do it.  Once the domagick challenge is done, I got to pivot for a bit to other things so that 500 word daily, I am removing that binding.  I will do the best I can with it.  Likewise, I had a long people close to me to try to remove some desire or result limitations that could have occurred.  AKA don’t attach to the the outcome too much.  Results are awesome, but you can really lock shit like that.   You have to stay in love with the process, the results will just come from the process.
That was real true in this domagick challenge, until I had to do with the other processes I didnt love that I won’t love ever ( and am working to fix).  Then all the prisons creep in, �� because you dont have that mental energy anymore , then you beat yourself up cause meeting those expectations… Well you know how that cycle goes.
There is no mistake here, I just had a moment, where I needed a break even from the process.   It happens.
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deathandindignitybedamned · 8 years ago
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Ooooh why not share it! Post it and lets talk about what we agree and what we dont agree! Its fun.
Okay then….let’s take a look at a few points I’ve been mentally circling today: (this is very stream of consciousness think and type thing…but I think it makes some sense. also my computer froze while I was in the middle of working on the first version of this so now I say fuck it here it is)
You talked about Felicity and her conscious and subconscious isolation and how it becomes a sort of self fulfilling prophecy with both John and Oliver (and pretty much everyone else in her life). I 100% agree with that. She isolates to protect herself and when Oliver reads that as “give me space” she subconsciously reads it as an affirmation of that “I’m broken” idea that Noah first planted in her mind which is at this point buried so deep that is has seeped into every inch of her. Being left behind is a visceral fear for her. So rather than reach out to these men, she draws everything so close to her that all she is able to project is these ideas “humor” and “lightness” that John and Oliver are unable to see beyond. I also think Rory was so unexpected that she couldn’t see out of her guilt spiral bring herself to project Fine-ness to him. (I miss Rory can he come back please)Billy’s death is that final straw that breaks the layers of compartmentalization that she’s built up since the middle of s4. The EPs keep calling it a dark arc. I think a more apt description is aggressiveness. She works aggressively around Oliver’s tunnel vision when Black Siren turns up. When asked to get the files on Walker she follows any breadcrumb in order to do that. This is not a new thing for her. She uses an invaluable resource in order to help the team track down Prometheus. Blindly? Yes. But she, perhaps more than anyone else on the team, can see how powerful Pandora/Helix can be as a weapon if yielded properly. She uses it again when Thea indicates that there is a Clear Threat to the team and is then immediately talked down to about her fucking empathy. All of this is playing into Helix’s hands, yes, but she is still trying to take action to protect the people who are closest and most important to her.So on to last night: I laughed at the 5x19 episode blurb because WHY ARE WE STILL ACTING LIKE SHE HASN’T BEEN COMMITTING FELONIES FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THIS SHOW. She straight up committed corporate espionage in s1 by hacking into Merlyn Global. In s2 she blew up a building and it was her idea. We learned in s3 that she wrote the equivalent of a cyber-nuke before she was 19. She stole from her own company in s4, and had to make an impossible choice to save millions of lives (there is a part of me that thinks Lyla arranged for her to be given immunity for Havenrock because the President was aware of the situation, but that’s for the day I actually make notes on the What If Helix/Chase Chose to Out Her as the Person “Responsible” for it). So please, let’s not pretend that Felicity hasn’t been crawling around in the shit since season 1. Nevertheless, the perception of her that Oliver and John have mean that they think she is protected from making those decisions. It’s why Oliver and John were both so out of their element when dealing with her in this episode. (I think I read somewhere that Lyla comparing James to a nuke was her talking about Felicity…..and I just gotta call bull on that. Lyla as a character is not about Subtext, she’s about Text. If something is Relevant to her Cause, she just goes for it. And while I think they’re friends, I have never read Lyla as being super close to Felicity. In part because I think Lyla understands through Waller, just how dangerous Felicity is. And I’m sorry, but reducing everything about Lyla Michaels to her relationship with Oliver and Felicity is lazy and reduces her importance as her own character and within her marriage to John).The thing that I kind of got (happily?) stuck on tonight was an idea that the series of confrontations Felicity had with team leading up to the last one in the bunker felt like they cut all of the ties that were keeping her tethered to Oliver. I know she never expected to sway Lyla, but she expected something like trust from Oliver, if not that then at least an acknowledgement of her position from John. The lack of anything in that moment was the first cut and yet another sign to her that she wasn’t worth it. The conversation in the loft was stunning to me in its honesty. What exactly is she losing if she feels that her soul has already been burned away? There’s nothing left of her but her drive to love and protect Oliver from the monster he helped create (Chase), and the monster he sees in himself.I was texting with a friend of mine (@vivisectyourheart - I drop kicked her into this black hole so that I have someone to text yell at and she finally caught up to watch in real time) and I said “5x19 was like kicking a rock off the edge of the Grand Canyon and waiting to hear it hit the bottom. With them on opposite sides” and I’ve had some time to digest that and sort of shift it a little bit. I think we could say that this whole season has been the two of them standing on opposite sides of a canyon and Oliver is staring at his phone trying to figure out why she hasn’t called him while Felicity is over there kicking rocks over and waiting for Oliver to hear her. They both were trying to communicate but they were expecting each other to be using a different language. So that moment when he says “don’t count on it” was for me the final cord being cut for Felicity. She’s a runner. She’s been a runner since Noah left and she first learned how to change herself to best fit her surroundings (welcome to my Chameleon Felicity™ black hole). She stayed after season 4 because she still felt tied to the people. And in failing to trust and support her, and taking action against her, those ties were gone. Part of me thinks that Felicity didn’t expect to go back to the bunker after that. She’d be able to get the tech and make her move against Chase on her own terms. I get really tired of it, but there are a number of apt parallels with s3 and I think her not going back would have been the same play as Oliver’s stupid plane idea. Flawed from the beginning because it assumed that success would only come by sacrificing herself. Fighting to die as it were. So she leaves Oliver and the team behind and plans to move forward again with Helix only to be left behind and forced to go back to the bunker with all of her defenses down and a half drunk scruffy ex. Again, the honesty and acting choices in that scene did things to me.And that is……pretty much where I run out of steam for tonight. I’ve always got stuff percolating but *beccashrug*
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smol-pilots · 7 years ago
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code: calico
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: role play fuck my brains out bc i just virtually sucked someone's cock and got nothing in return
Stranger: why did you do that?
You: that's not a bad question
You: idk i thought i'd get something in return
Stranger: i guess so. some reward :D
You: yeah exactly
Stranger: it's like in movies, why girls are sluty
Stranger: they want something in return
You: hah i mean it's only fair isn't it?
Stranger: i think its kind of self deception
You: that's also not a bad remark
You: i always blindly believe men
You: i mean not blindly but
Stranger: we believe what we want to believe.
Stranger: so the important thing is what we want
Stranger: i mean, people want to "live happily ever after"
You: tru
Stranger: they imagine family, love and so on
You: but what do i want
You: i don't really fit into that tbh
Stranger: o.k., so what do you want
You: i mean i don't want family
You: i guess i wouldn't mind love but i don't expect it
Stranger: o.k., maybe you want relationship?
You: i don't even know what it feels so
You: i can't really feel any romantic feelings towards people?
You: it's kind of
You: sad actually
Stranger: do you feel like life is meaningless?
You: yeah
Stranger: maybe out of boredom you just try to have some "fun"
You: i mean exactly
You: i don't expect anyone to love me because i know i probably won't love anyone so
Stranger: oh
Stranger: by the way
You: yes?
Stranger: one good song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voi-aQlvP68 heard it yesterday in a movie
Stranger: stange movie, "Calico Skies"
Stranger: strange
You: i'm listening to the song and i really like it, thank you!
You: noted, i'll put it on my to-watch list :)
Stranger: what you said reminded my of the lyrics of this song
Stranger: she's kind of sad because she knows a man will love her, be she will not so much
You: okay i really like the song??? the voice is so nice also i rly like this type of music
Stranger: do you watch Game of Thrones?
You: i watched like 2 season but then i stopped hhh you?
Stranger: i watch it. yeah, 2 season was impressive. the red wedding, isn't it?
You: yup
You: i see there's so much drama now hahah
Stranger: :) yeah, they lost it, i guess
Stranger: the beggining was building impressive,
Stranger: anyway
Stranger: you are f or m?
You: f
You: you?
Stranger: m
Stranger: so why girls suck cocks, it quite nonsensical
Stranger: gross acitivyt
You: i mean tru but i guess it's for the dude's pleasure? also it's kinda fun to have so much power over someone
Stranger: yeah, but this is zero sum game - pleasure for the dude, but for the sucker what?
Stranger: nah, it never appealed to me
You: it's a lot of work actually but i guess all of this is just giving and receiving
Stranger: i think physically it's quite troublesome
Stranger: for a woman
You: i mean it usually takes time??
You: and then everything just starts to hurt bc the dude can't come that fast and it's just
You: uh
Stranger: yeah. crazy stuff
Stranger: but people do many crazy things :)
You: hah that's true
Stranger: what's your country?
You: uk
Stranger: old good uk :)
You: hahahahh
You: you?
Stranger: russia
You: oh nice!
You: ive never been there but i rly want to go to moscow
Stranger: come sometimes, we'll drink a lot of vodka together
You: oh my god no vodka always kills me
Stranger: :D
Stranger: it kills everyone
You: that's like my top three worst drunk moments all involved vodka it's the devil
Stranger: ha ha ha
Stranger: wine is also tricky, it is very intoxicating
Stranger: try a lot of red wine
Stranger: you'll see :D
You: i love wine tho
You: but yeah it also hits pretty hard hahahah
You: how old are u tho?
Stranger: 28
You: ah i'm 24
Stranger: vow vow, we would make a perfect pair :D
You: hahahh we really would :)
Stranger: anyway, why people always try to pair at all?
Stranger: natures call?
You: i have no idea
You: i mean is it really tho
You: i don't think it's nature, it's the culture
You: the society
You: everyone is always shocked when i tell them that i'm single and i don't want kids because they're like??? but how??
You: everyone expects things according to the society they live in and it's kinda annoying sometimes
Stranger: yeah, it's quite strange. everyone want to live by that stream: family, kids, happy life. no alternatives
You: exactly
You: it's like i'm obliged to live my life by this rule
You: and i'm weird if i don't follow
Stranger: but even if people remain single, they want to get romantically involved
Stranger: that is also strange
Stranger: it's like some software inside of us,
You: tru. i sometimes catch myself wishing i'd have a boyfriend and a house and two kids and a dog bc i remember i wished for all that when i was a child. and then once again i see that my parents told me that this is how it is? you get older, you get married, have kids, a house, a job and that's what i also wished for when i was younger
You: i was raised by these values
You: and now that i'm older and i don't want that anymore but i feel like at the same time a part of me maybe still hopes that one day everything would just go the way a young me dreamed it to be
Stranger: when i was younger, i also had dreams about family. and all people about 20 yo i know have the same. almost all.
You: really?
You: what do you want?
Stranger: with time i have seen that this is very big struggle, family, kids, relationship, and "you do not get what you imagine". so i drop those young dreams. they were not realistic. it was illusions of young person. i did not know life and did not know the world.
Stranger: i want to rise above the problems of this life. to get free.
Stranger: not to get entangled more and more
You: the first part!!
You: i really believe that this is what contributed to the majority of crap i had to go through as a teenager and up to this day
You: u see but how does one get free
You: i feel like time to actually! enjoy this life is running out and at the same time i feel there's just sooo much left of it and i'm just passing by, doing things that don't make me happy
You: (bc i don't really know what makes me happy)
You: (imma go brush my teeth and shit i might be gone for about ten minutes okay?)
You: (and shit does not mean take an actual shit i just meant it as "and other stuff")
Stranger: o.k., yes, please do the needful. i'll have some time to reflect. :)
Stranger: i see it like this: I want to be happy just by existing. To rise above my own mental structures, that don't let me feel happy, don't let me feel light and content. I think, if one in his soul "takes everything very easy", not burdening himself with so many false ideas about why he is this or that, and just tries to be, to exist authentically, as a being that is free, then it is good state of consciousness.
Stranger: just to feel that lightness.
Stranger: do i need to do something for that, some big projects of life? I dont think so. Just need to give up some mental stuff. It's all in the mind.
Stranger: if man will simply change his mind, he can be happy. And so many jobs, responsibilies and relationships will not make him happy. It will be just a lot of troubles.
Stranger: anyway, we are all after happiness. the only question is, where is that real happiness
You: that's actually a very interesting perspective that i do find myself agreeing to but at the same time i feel like in theory it sounds ideal and simple but it's really hard to just let go of what's in your mind
Stranger: you are right :) it not easy
You: i was very hung up on the happiness thing as i felt unhappy all the time. and i wondered whether or not you're ever really happy in life. and i asked my mother (u know the older the wiser or smth) and she said that happiness isn't really a long period of time but rather a moment here and there that makes you happy to be alive
You: and that thought made me really sad at the time because i always felt like happiness is something that comes in time - when you get older, wiser, more experienced etc but now i'm discovering my mother wasn't really wrong?
You: at least that's how i experience life
You: my colleague tho, she lovES life. literally loves it. the most positive bright cheerful happy person i have ever seen w my two eyes. and it's just weird bc what did she do how did she achieve this bliss how can she see this life so full of good things
You: it's just
You: so weird
Stranger: it depends on what we do. I think, it's real assessment of ordinary life - happiness are just rear and fleeting moments. but i my life there were some periods where i felt very happy for considerable periods of time. no i do not feel so happy. and with age, happiness diminishes, i think, because the body begins to make a lot of problems. then one is not as energetic as before. and you have to work and survive with less and less energy to accomplish that.
Stranger: i thing technologies, computers, internet steal a lot of happiness
Stranger: i went to asia for some time, and after few months i revived the joy of life
You: that's true but it's also what made it really tough to keep living - that it won't get better in time. i was really sad and depressed for the majority of my teenage years so being alive while people kept telling me it's only gonna get harder wasn't really a good thing for me i guess. but at least my expectations weren't that high hahah
You: that's true but at the same time i depend on them to distract me from life so it's really in contradiction
Stranger: it can get better
You: ohh where did u go
Stranger: it must
You: i mean that's what i want to believe but like someone give me idk an age at which it gets better hh
Stranger: with good strategy, there is way. i think so. because I experienced it for a while. I does not depend on the age
Stranger: i may be unhappy for the rest of my life, if i do not try, and stay as i am
Stranger: but if i will apply whatever i learned about happiness, i may achieve something, as i had before.
You: that's a really nice and positive thought
You: i'll keep it in mind
Stranger: if there is hunger, there must be food. so if we are hungry for happiness, it must be out there. or inside of us.
Stranger: oh my god, it's 1 am here
Stranger: forgot myself while talking this stuff :)
You: but it's just so annoying my time is ticking?
You: hahahah
You: i really enjoyed it tho
You: it's rare to find someone to have this kind of conversation with
Stranger: o.k., lets think of a keyword by which we can find each other on omegle again.
Stranger: :)
You: okay
You: :)
Stranger: i know. "Calico". you'll find me by this.
You: good one. i'm going to write it down so i don't forget :)
You: also so i don't forget to download the songs
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andrieh-vitimus · 7 years ago
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Day 5: Enchantment +: The Thieves of Time...  Just say fuck it with me
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Today was a fuck it kinda of day, but I made sure to do my Gigong before I said fuck it. I had a rough night sleeping after doing a rough divination with a client that just tapped my shit hard.  When your running a low calorie diet, and using analysis it freaking happens.  So today, I worked from home, and unfortunately... yep got little done on programming work.  It’s not for trying right.  Just cognitively, I was not in the game.  Now, there’s this cascade of events that happens, when you start thinking about it.  Those of you who work or even have a business kinda know this cascade.  Shit, this would happen alot more when I was actively doing magic to break ( let’s be honest, its physical manifestation or bust) reality.  Read on to see all that.
Shit now behind at work cause I was mentally fuckered for some reason and didn’t get much done ( outside of management, and even then.. eh).
Shit,  I was already behind on things I promised people for my author publicity stuff, I really wanted to get shit done.  I have a book on Sante Muerte, I really want to write  a blurb, blogs, other shit, but shit gets complicated over the weekend ( which we covered).
Shit, 5 hours into fixing Deeper down, shits still not working .
Shit I had plans for the week on the social side of things, and that would create problems if I cancel things.
Shit, now I have extra pressure and stress to get shit done the whole week at work, because well I was fuckered for a day.
Shit now all those social obligations and publicity obligations really hurt, cause theres work stress.
Hahaha... House chores don’t do themselves motherfucker.
Shit theres no coffee in the house to feed the spirits, do I go out.
Shit I am too fucking tired to even drive.
Come to the weekend, try to catch up on everything and start off the next week behind.. repeat suckle.
I know this cycle with many people.
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So at 11 after getting to the Chiropractor, I did the Gigong first.  I got to about 6 pm or so, meditated my worries away, thought about shit,  and I went to sleep, cause I was not feeling optimal.  I should be able to do that.  I got up at 10, to write this.  Focusing purely on mental energy health, this was the right decision.
Now, there some people reading this will say.  No shit man, this is pointless self-analysis.  That’s what you should do, nor do I think it was right.  There is no right answer and I think its not at all simple.  I think many people are faced with decisions all the time, that are even harsher.  It was not to long ago that I was asking the questions of, do I hustle and pay rent or get sick?  But its all just a temporary lot of shit... spirituality of many faiths say, this is bullshit pursuits.  I am not so sure right, worldly achievements are valuable if they have meaning.
But theres alot of costs to what I did.  I didn’t get the Blurb done for Santa Muerta book meaning I probably will not be asked again ( I did tell the person I was coming off being sick, but that matters not).  It does actually look like a fucking good book.  That’s a publicity hit, and I keep having those.  Less attention = less money.    Keeping deeper down running, and more so not getting the bookings for the show done = another hit.  Let’s not even start about me taking care of the family, and not getting any publicity done for a while.  Even then, I know I did the right things, but lets ask?  
Do you think the public as an egregore cares why I am not feeding the spectacle? A person gives a fuck, the pubic does not. Of course not, and to paraphrase Mr. Wednesday, its hard when you know you’re being forgotten.  Facebook quantifies even that attention focus for us to make it even more toxic and even more destructive.  Now we are cursed with mortality AND the fact that people will create any image they want for you.  Now, like you I have family things to do, and other things.   Really, the continual stealing of time is exactly that, but its more then that, its energy.
“The world is a Vampire set to drain”... yep ... that’s so emo shit, but in this case the song fits.
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Remember, now words and writing can be meditation, if you do not censor yourself. The writing is clarifying my thoughts, the stream of consciousness shakes down ideas.  Spending the time on Tumblr to write this is a type of meditation, to think about the patterns is meditation.  Even the hour to write this on Tumblr is done in a context of “others”, but not so much.  That affects the meditation and the analysis. When you start marshaling personal energy in units, or deep diving into self-analysis and doing the Qigong, in the way I am, you start becoming very aware of minutia patterns.  Where the drains are happening, how the drains are happening, and those issues.   Now, you can get all TCM about this and start applying this to specific Gigong excercises, but I am still rolling on that C-7 point, trying to prevent overworking myself and embracing some “dont give a fucks”.
Once you get on that spiral of expectations, it starts to hit you like a freight train. I am not whining about this all.  How about a nice cup of fuck off, if you think that, but I am analyzing it.   Before, I would tend to be more of a helping sort of magician, often in the circles I was running with that might even mean pretty serious “fuck off death” magic aka real shit, with little or no repayment from he people receiving that sort of boon.  Where does that get you?  No where in the modern world, and I have never had strong self-reward systems for being altruistic.  Really, that self-reward, we know thats why people do “selfless shit”, right ( some people would call this self-reward system, “being a good person”, or “faith”).
I like achievement in the world.  The World is the game.  I got to be honest.
Sometimes, it even the best of us, have to take a step back.  Yeah, many people selling shit will shift back the blame of the achievement gap back on you and say, you do not want it enough.  That sells because we are all addicted to self fucking punishment that comes from a sick and diseased society that tells us work harder, and get more achievement.  But it doesn’t hold up, and really the expectation train sucks us down and myth of hard work = success is vampiric of the highest order.
So this all goes back to the image started with,  a thief.  We need to be thieves for ourselves.  Yes, I know, some of you might not like that metaphor cause “thieving is bad”, but think about it.   
We all have expectations on us and around us.  Some of these we can blow off, at a cost. Can we afford the cost, sometimes. Sometimes the cost is too hight to actually blow off.   I mean it is hardly a choice to blow off your job, and not have a roof over your head.  It is a choice, but its not really a reasonable one. 
The hype and callousness of a whole industry will tell you so, but say no to that shit.  Instead, steal the time to make little changes. Most people cannot just transition to a different “career”, or follow the insane advise to do what you want and the positive thinking cult ( when there are real responsibilities that really are not easily discharged), but we can change our mindsets around that. Even simple things like television and now the internet are purposefully addictive.   Thieves of our time and energy.   In a world of thieves, learn to be a better thief and steal it back, with conscious deliberate intent.  One piece at a time.  Theirs a whole lot of “anti-nominal” engagement with the thief archetype, and that is purposefully why I am engaging it like this.  A thief is outside of “society”, and thus purposeful deviates from the expectation train.  See what I did there?  Just think on that for a moment.
Detach from the emotions of the expectations.  You will let people down, and thats their problem.   Realize it is what it is, steal the time from the other sources and then use that coveted jewel for expressly meaningful to you shit. We can steal that time back, because from the perspective of others, they believe they own it.   If you want take a self perspective, you could say you revolting and taking the time back.  I prefer to “thief” metaphor because it lets you build up on small tasks to get to that personal “revolt”.  I am working on that revolt components too, but this is antinomial.  People expect shit from you, when you do not comply they will punish you via social means.  Some part of you has to embrace that anti-nomial, outside of society attitude, lest society tear you apart.
Say it with me, “I am out of fucks to give”.. It helps.  Steal that time.  Detach the emotions, and covet your own jewels.
15-20 minute a day for Gigong, not alot, but lots of benefits.  Thats stealing the time back.   Its the same with the Calories on my health plan, they are measured and weighed.  If you are starting to quantify time and energy, like a thief... well then you can start seeing where the waste is going.  Aka engaging like a thief, a particularly antinomial and anti-social archetype in a capitalist society, allows you to start weighing the impact and reward of the choices versus the time commitment.
Besides, saying it like this is way more fun then telling you to be “Mindful” right?
Want to see a different type of Thief, well how about Pirate? A little more romatic now isn’t it :)  What’s a post with out Captain Jack.
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