#this is just me spinning him in the microwave of my brain idk

[bravevolunteer]

i DO think teenage michael should get picked up by the scruff by the way ( literally or metaphorically ) ( in the holding him back from being an idiot or adopting him way. or both. )

[popponn]

things about sae.

it's sae's turn in my brain microwave. i want to understand you, underlashes senior. headcanons +observation+ rambling. spoilers, will be updated as time goes on.

scathing, mean af vocabs. pretty rude even as a child. but compared to rin, his cursing seems to be much tamer.

is REALLY focused on soccer. but also said in the character interview to not "only be able to/focus on soccer like him".

but in his introduction to u20 shows that he seems to value someone who goes all in to soccer. and it's kind of in line with the things he "admits" and chided. example a: shidou and isagi being individuals who are undeniably soccer obsessed (though on isagi's case as they haven't even talk, if i remember correctly, this might be more because of isagi's way of winning through "making use of luck"). example b: things he said in the u20 introduction in response to sendou.

headcanonish but this guy is giving me "burnout gifted child" vibe with all the prodigal status, expectations, and being hit in the face by the world. like what are you. are you satisfied by marina??????

there are few moments where he displays something that is pretty close to 'praise', but say it not to the related person/group himself. (i.e. his thoughts of blue lock in locker room, his comment about "dont switch out any of the u20 member".)

like is he being not nice on purpose????? honestly probably. headcanonish, but if seeing his way of giving comments to rin pre-spain, it's been like that since he was little. (i will check rin's ln again later)

in contrast to rin having "natural luck", this guy seems to more " making/seeking luck". but idk yet, with only ice cream sticks as clues. sae backstory and ln spin off when.

his eyes during the confrontation with rin in that snowy night are pretty expressive. but since visual cues leave a really wide room for interpretation + bllk tendency to subvert things, i will not comment. but honestly i really agree with the sentiment that sae was hurt by rin's words, but in the end the discouragement seems to come more from a place of "i don't want you to get hurt so just go home and don't play soccer anymore" (very very hc and more of an interpretation, as sae's pov is still non existent)

aka yeah, this guy is shit at displaying concern and any sort of care. headcanon but. do you see the vibe??? with rin???? like it's similar. what is this genetic.

simple fashion, but pretty trendy and chic(?).

this guy seems like a family guy who misses his family a lot. (please make up soon with your lil bro)

watches chibi maruko chan. has habits that genuinely reminds me of old people (drinking tea, looking at sea, thinking of family).

people at blue lock think of him as someone who seems to be good at study, but looking at the pattern of hyperfocused people in blue lock it either goes two way: a) his skill at everything else is questionable at best, abysmall at worst ; b) he is an all-rounder indeed.

but then again there is also the third type aka "good at football, still functional at everything except communication and emotional management skill".

his way of talking in jp is, to put it simply, pretty casual like guys his age. the thing that are the rudest part of it was his choice of words and the fact that he seems to talk like this to everyone. even his elder. and also the way he is very blunt in expressing his opinion.

but somehow that bluntness is gone when it came to showing vulnerable emotions. talk about emotional constipation.

if his character interview is reliable and unbiased, as it is from sae's own pov, his relationship with his parents seems okay.

genuinely wondering about his parents' canon response to his and rin's cold war.

does he even have friends. no like seriously.

his brother and him are really similar in many ways. rin is probably copying him in some ways tho—that, or rin's own issues. or sae's own issues.

please just make up with your brother. (2)

after spain his bang is gone. as in he just pushed them up. in u20 it still went down sometimes in a few panels.

he likes numbers. maybe he really is smart.

genuinely looking at him like "please get a hobby" not even as an insult but out of genuine concern. this dude has so many issues and the burnout child prodigy vibe is real strong with this one.

but not fully his fault. pretty much live alone overseas, probably with no friends his age and just a manager as his support system, went through a crisis, is a (probable) family loving guy with his family far away from him, then came home to his beloved lil bro he spoiled and dotted on and shared a dream with saying hurtful things to him on his lowest point. and not supporting his new decision and dream. from sae's pov, it's brutal.

i can defend rin on this too tho. honestly please talk to each other, itoshi bros. or acknowledge that maybe neither of you were in not in the best state of mind during that confrontation.

seems logical and he does likes numbers. but honestly, he just acts as he wants—look at how he talks to journalist, how he has 0 hesitation to leave an ongoing match.

went to spain at 13 according to rin's spin off novel. also mentioned to "hate to lose" and seems to be a strict perfectionist.

must be noted however that how rin sees him seems to be very biased. a bit of rin analysis/hc, but there seems to be "putting nii chan on a pedestal" going on there. how their childhood truly is from sae's perspective is still unknown. on rin's part tho, seems to be a very nice period.

is rich. so the snobby rich condescending guy aura is probably not that far from the truth. his sense of money seems to be a mess, as a few hundred millions is a small amount for him.

this guy seems to be picky with who he respects and he really doesn't hold back in disrespecting someone he doesn't. even higher ups and older people.

does skincare canonly.

doesn't seem to have friends so far...? (nel arc, before pxg match) but if we look at how rin is now, unsurprising.

in rin's novel, rin's physique is mentioned to be "better" than sae's actually. with how "rin wins in luck" while sae "loses" motive exist through the ice cream sticks, probably this motive will come up again when sae appears again.

[scribbling-dragon]

and what if i was thinking about my werewolf jimmy + vampire tango au more?? what if i was thinking about OTHER characters? this is spinning around in my head so i'm gonna dump it here,, dshjshjk

it's mentioned one-off in the fic, but tango knows the only werewolves in the city live ACROSS THE CITY from him meaning that jimmy was literally trekking across the entire damn city to go see tango and walk him home from work ;-; they're both so dumb hsjhsjkdk

Joe is one of Tango's co-workers at the cafe where he works. no-one knows what's up with him, but when he starts telling a story you have to sit and listen to him finish it. you can't leave until he's stopped talking. those that are aware of the supernatural know that he's not some kind of siren, but they still don't know what he is. they've got a discussion going on in the "supernatural circles" they've got going on. Joe finds this endlessly hilarious.

There's several other vampires in the city, all of which try to keep out of each other's way. Tango and Mumbo are two of these vampires (the others are undecided/background characters). HOWEVER! they do meet up once a month at Tango's place of work (mainly because he's always working a shift when they want to meet) to discuss what areas to avoid because someone's gone and bitten a few too many people there recently and the locals are setting up Facebook pages to try and figure out what's happening

Scott and Lizzie are both sirens. Scott is a swim teacher, and parents bring children that have difficulty with fear of water/swimming to where he works because he just seems "magical" with how he's teaching their kids to swim (he's enchanting them. he's enchanting them into enjoying swimming)

Grian, Joel and Jimmy are the only pack of wolves in their city, and they all call each other "brothers" despite not actually being related because they all got turned around the same time and were friends in school together. (they all got bitten together because they were all being IDIOTS together)

Pearl lives in the next city over and is also a werewolf, but is more of a lone wolf than the others. She lives with her dog Tilly, and that's her "pack"

There's an actual werewolf pack in this other city, which is home to Ren, Martyn and Bdubs. Etho is also technically part of this group, but he's also a "were-fox" (idk even know if those exist it just seems fun to me) and goes between the two cities because he has friends in both

just ouagghh, cannot write for this at the moment because i've got exams but i am THINKING about this, spinning it in my brain like it's a microwave, come talk to me about it please hdsjhdsjksjk ;-;

[soullessduck13]

Not ur DMs but oh man!! Do I have a character analysis to dump upon you. I’m not gonna do a ton of editing, but I do wish to share.

Oh bro, Q!Foolish is so cool as a character. Him and BBH are literally both insane in the exact same way, but with such different views on morality. It results in wildly different ideas of themselves and the world around them!

Foolish is selfish and he knows it, but he also loves his family dearly. He will do anything to protect the people he cares about even though that circle is pretty small. Anyone outside the circle is fair game tho. (BBH is an exception because he’s trusted, but Foolish and him love endangering each other for sport). By “fair game,” I mean Foolish will actively throw anyone under the bus just because he feels like it. Honestly doesn’t even have to be for any particular gain. He will absolutely do things just to see what happens. He acts like a morally grey immortal who doesn’t quite understand how normal people think anymore.

At the same time, a lot of his actions do have motives. A big part of his character is that Foolish just wants rare/unique items and will do nearly anything (including endanger others) to get them. He sees the island as a game to win, which makes it easy to not care about consequences for himself and others. He’s not malicious and he doesn’t seek to cause others pain, but will still do things knowing full well they could harm. He also fully accepts other people seeking retribution for his actions, because he’s got a “fair is fair” type mentality. He will simply deal with whatever consequences float his way for his actions.

Because Foolish is aware of his selfishness, he will never try and take a moral high ground. He doesn’t think he’s a morally just person, and he doesn’t care to be. He cares about chaos for the sake of fun, doing things to get him stuff, and protecting those he loves.

(Also, Foolish & Jaiden as people are both the embodiment of chaotic neutral. Everything they do together is fun as Jaiden enables the hell out of any idea Foolish has. Morality be damned, they just wanna be menaces for the sake of it.)

Also also, Foolish is actually smarter than he appears and presents himself. He’s actually a strategist at heart, but will only use it for his own personal gain and often under the table lol. He’s silly, but he uses that to play all fields and knows how to keep things secret. His behavior will often trick others into underestimating him, but unfortunately also leads to people fundamentally not understanding him or his motives.

Idk,, I stay spinning these Minecraft people in my brain like a microwave lol. I could probably give similar level analysis on a handful of my other main QSMP people, but yeah. Foolish is especially cool to me because people who have zero illusion about being morally fucked by normal standards are soooo interesting! It’s a very atypical way to aproach the world not giving a shit about morality while also being zero percent malicious. His /goal/ isn’t ever to hurt people for the sake of it, he’s just a means to an end kind of guy. He’s neat because about him and his explanation for his actions tends to embody a genuine sense of neutrality in the most insane way possible.

god this is so cool

I really want to watch more of Foolish’s vods to really get a grasp of him and I can’t really add onto this much at all but oh anon I appreciate so much. Thank you for this meal of a character analysis served on a silver platter

I think the type of morally grey Foolish is, is by the far the most fun to me. It’s that loyalty to these select few people and that loyalty will not change unless extreme circumstances causes it to. So so interesting. And also like. Him being friends with others but if given the popular he will screw them over? That’s hilarious. Good for him, doing things for the bit and for his own personal gain. I wouldn’t, probably, but selfish characters are soooooo… rotating around inside my head.

[nyoomfruits]

hi i have some random landoscar thoughts i needed to get out of my head 😭 the way lando is shorter than oscar but his hands are quite significantly bigger, the way lando’s….landoness is the perfect complement to oscar’s more serious nature, letting him loosen up a bit it’s so cute :(( watching oscar become more and more comfortable over the year has been so sweet. i love these two sm and all your fics are so great, i can’t stop rereading them🩷🩷

also side note, i feel silly for not knowing but where does the “i would tear it down for you” in your tag come from?

anon please i'm so ;-;

but yeah its soooo interesting seeing old oscar videos and him with lando now idk i just keep thinking that outside of like the whole shipping thing lando really is just the perfect teammate for oscar??? because lando's like. a little silly and he doesn't take things too seriously and he's clearly comfortable in his position at mclaren and it just allows them to be friends, and for lando to like, actually help oscar learn and grow as a formula one driver but also help him out of his shell a little bit, help him become more comfortable with all the media stuff (both like. press but also especially the promo video stuff mclaren makes them do) and idk. i just have so many feelings about these two as teammates. it works the other way around as well like lando needs people around him who just. let him be lando and i think oscar is one of those people who doesnt just let him but also encourages him??? idk idk idk i'm rambling but i'm like. obsessed wtih their dynamic. something something lando is the accelerator oscar is the breaks (and you need both!!!! you need both ;-;)

OH right please do not feel silly, the 'i would only tear it down for you' quote is a slightly obscure reference BUT it is from this fic which is like. in my top three favorite landoscar fics of all time (its so good its sooooo good) and like. that line rewired my brain when i first read it so. also i think it sums up their dynamic really well and it makes me want to sit in a microwave for three hours and just spin around. you know, like a normal person

[writinggremlin]

Teehee. Another week, another chapter of Rare Bookseller! Yippeee!!!

FITZ FITZ FITZ FOTZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FUTZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FUTZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FITZ FIZT

My brain has officially rotted and its all his fault /j. He found the microwave, got inside and started spinning, and now he refuses to leave. And I'm just like, "Sir! Please! I just want to cook my chicken nuggets!! Please!!"

Anygay-- the story.

He's calling it home!! Ooo!!! The little hints of him accepting his fate!!

NOOOOO FITZZZZ!!!! PATHETIC WET CAT FITZ NOOOOOO!!!!! D:!!! Something tells me that this negative self talk isn't all Edgar's doing, though.

AWWWW POOR FITZ IS SO FUCKED UP RN!! POOR GUY IS ACTING LIKE OLIVER AND IDK HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS TBH-- WHUMP BRAIN IS HAPPY, NORMIE BRAIN IS FREAKED OUT BY HOW OUT OF CHARACTER HE IS RN-- THIS IS CONFLICTING

AWWW NOOO TRAUMAAAA POOR GUY NEEDS MORE HUGS

Oop-- I'm seriously so conflicted about how to feel about all of this-- whump brain is feral-- normie brain is cowering in the corner with a cross and screaming-- I'm backed against the wall with a frying pan and also screaming, in confusion-- it's chaos over here.

But seriously fuckin-- he's on such a slippery slope rn he is so dangerously close to the edge this is lowkey terrifying-- just-- grab him by the shoulders-- shake him-- wake him up snap him out of it do SOMETHING!!! AGHHHHHHH

This is all written beautifully btw I love it so much

"I want you to, sir. And you want it too. I can tell. Why deny yourself? Drink." Ok, he's still a little there. "Why deny yourself?" Like-- c'mon that's just him. I love seeing how his personality is mixed into this spell though. How his character adds it's own personal flavor to this hypnotized soup. How you can see it occasionally poke through and shine amongst the rest of the scripted fodder.

OOP-- DELICIOUS SOUP-- SOUP JUMPSCARE-- SUDDENLY SOUP--

O h

How do people make the tiny text for tumblr hold on--

Ew I need to be on my computer. *begrudgingly sighs* fineeeeee

WAIT NO I FOUND IT FOR MOBILE!!!!! WAHOOOOOOO!!!!!! Anygay--

o h

"Fitz scoffed automatically. "You can't be --"" There he is. There's the sass we know and love.

""Why, sir?" came the question from his lips before he could stop it. It was the question he was always asking himself. How could he make people like him? More charming, more handsome, more funny, more useful -- his guards against a world that would otherwise discard him without a second thought." WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH FITZ NOOOOOO!!! LEX YOU BETTER FUCKING HUG HIM ISTG

"Just as he feared Lex might." WAAAAAAAAAAAA

YEAHHHH HUG AND COMFORT LETS GOOOOOOO

Oh Fitz. Oh my poor guy. He's so fucked. He's never stood a chance. He's never been an equal, and no amount of self confidence or flirting can change that fact. I love it.

"disgustingly perfect" stealing that. Using that someday. Omfg that reminds me-- I wanted to fuck around and see if I could mimic character's writing styles. I can see Fitz's signature being quick but flourished and fancy. But what about dip pen calligraphy? 👀

:0000!!!!!! FITZ!!! BACK ON STAGE!!!! YESSSSSSS!!!! WOOOO!!!! YIPPEEEE!!!!!

Y'know-- I was just thinking the other day about what the people who worked with him thought about what happened.

"Enthralled with a lover" hah! The subtle truth too lol

"Alas, slender Aphrodite filled me with unbearable longing," said Fitz, draping himself across a chair. "I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't walk to the theater --" good to see him back to his usual, dramatic self.

"All right, all right, shut up, I don't really want to hear it." PFFFF glad to see the reaction is back to normal too

Yep, just bother the manager until you manage to worm your way back in. Classic Fitz lmao.

If this storyline continues, then I can't wait to see Fitz preform, especially since he wouldn't have his hypnotic powers to utilize yet.

"You won't regret this.", "I think I already am" PFF glad to see this ending on a comedic note. He deserves the happiness. As a lil treat.

Good soup as always. Loved it, can't wait for next week!

The Rare Bookseller Part 61: Fitz's Insecurity

Previous > Masterlist

tw: mind control, conditioning, mention of branding

September 1905

Fitz felt numb from stress and exhaustion as Lex helped him into the manor. He breathed a sigh of relief as the familiar and comfortable smell of old books rose to greet him. He was home.

Lord Edgar's blood had soaked through the front of his dress and he stunk of rats and cigar smoke. The only thing he wanted more than washing up was to help his master -- the spell he'd been placed under was still fogging his brain, whispering to him that there was nothing more important than serving vampires.

And Lex needed the service. His face was bloody and swollen in places from where Jameson had beaten him, and there were dark bruises blossoming on the parts of his skin that were visible. He'd suffered those injuries for Fitz's sake, all because he'd been an idiot who couldn't take care of himself at the ball.

A weak human who always made poor decisions. Who needed the guidance of a strong hand.

He shook his head, trying and failing to dislodge Lord Edgar's words. It didn't help that he could feel desire radiating from Lex. He could use Fitz's blood to heal, and Fitz was eager to provide it.

"Ugh, glad we're finally home," said Lex, hanging up his coat. "Let me help you clean up and check you for injuries."

"I think I should be the one helping you wash up, sir," said Fitz, aware that he had stopped calling his master 'sir' weeks ago, but finding it slip out of his mouth anyway. "You're hurt."

"I'm fine," he insisted. "Or I will be. I can easily recover from these wounds. I'm attending to you first, and that's final."

In this state, Fitz couldn't very well argue with a direct command from his master. He nodded, allowing Lex to carry him up the stairs.

"I need to remove the remains of Edgar's enthrallment from you as well. It's bad enough that he was able to lay hands on you. I won't have him influencing your mind as well." He looked down at Fitz. "I know that you shouldn't be this quiet right now. It's not like you."

"I suppose it isn't, sir."

Lex sat Fitz down in a chair when they arrived at his spacious bathroom, remembering to light the lamps so that Fitz could see. For his part, Fitz couldn't help but slump in the chair, almost too tired to hold himself up.

Sweet-smelling steam grew thick as Lex filled the washbasin with hot water and a generous amount of lavender soap. Fitz's extravagant dress was pulled over his head and tossed in a heap on the floor. As Lex undid the clasp of the ruby necklace he was wearing, Fitz looked down at the bare skin above his corset, that spot below his shoulder blade where twin brands lay.

The topmost one was a circle containing a single note surrounded by repeat signs. The bottom was a bass clef.

He may have been rescued from Lord Edgar, but the brands served as a daily reminder that the true threat to his freedom still remained. Lex's sire would someday coming to steal away everything he was, down to the smallest movements of his face and fingers, and Fitz would be utterly helpless to resist. His only chance to escape this hellish fate was Lex's plan to kill his sire.

He truly was completely at Lex's mercy, helpless like he hadn't felt since he was a small child trapped in his father's house.

Lex undid Fitz's corset, helping to strip him of his elaborate undergarments, and his touch was so gentle. He was always so gentle, and if Fitz had to be at someone's mercy, he preferred Lex above all others. Lex, who despite his faults, always seemed to want Fitz.

As Lex knelt before him, wiping the sweat and stench from Fitz with a warm cloth, Fitz's mind drifted back to that place of obedience that still lingered in his head. Serving Lord Edgar, laying his head in his lap, had felt so satisfying despite being so wrong.

It wouldn't feel wrong with Lex. He could picture himself, docile and subservient, with his master caressing his head as he knelt by his side. Would Lex prefer him that way? Did he only object to Lord Edgar's influence, to Fitz's subservience, because he himself hadn't put it there?

If Fitz was helpless here regardless, wouldn't it all be simpler?

Lex took his hands, turning them over tenderly, inspecting the places where the ropes had worn angry red marks into Fitz's wrists. His aura strengthened, further fogging Fitz's mind, and all he could think of was his master's clear need.

"You should drink, sir," he said, tilting his neck enticingly.

Lex seemed almost startled by this, as though he didn't realize how obvious his need was. "No, not tonight. You're already weak and tired from your experience. You don't need me to compound that."

"I want you to, sir. And you want it too. I can tell. Why deny yourself? Drink."

"As I said, not tonight."

"Why not, sir?" This was the one thing that Fitz could always provide for his master, and he didn't understand why he was being rejected now. "If I want to serve you, and you want me to serve, then what is the --"

Lex leaned forward and hummed a note in his ear, a clear, perfect note that captured all of Fitz's attention. He could hardly remember what he was talking about a minute ago, but it wasn't important. The only thing that was important was listening to the song and sinking into Lex's spell. He slumped forward, caught and lowered onto Lex's shoulder, maneuvered into a position where he could listen so easily.

"Do you trust me, Fitz?"

Normally, that would be answered with a laugh and an easy "of course!" But here with his mind in Lex's grasp, it became harder to give the simple answer that would earn him favor.

"I want to trust you," he said, and that was truthful enough to slip past.

"If I asked you to serve me in the way Edgar wished, would you?" he whispered in Fitz's ear. "Would you kneel by my side, provide me what I need? Would you throw away all thought and free will and obey my every whim? Would you give that to me?"

The fear running through Fitz's veins almost broke through his entranced calm, but the intense feeling of need was even stronger. "I would, sir," he admitted helplessly, "if you asked me to. And I don't want you to ask me to, because I would do it."

"So, then, you agree I could do this. But I don't. Do you know why?"

He should know. He should know how to read Lex like a book. But… "No, sir."

"Because I prefer you as you are."

Fitz scoffed automatically. "You can't be --"

"I want you to trust me, at least in this matter," said Lex, his voice quite serious. "If I wanted a docile servant without a thought in his head, I could have bought one for cheaper than you, or I could have molded you into what I desire. But I didn't, and I won't, because you are what I want."

"Why, sir?" came the question from his lips before he could stop it. It was the question he was always asking himself. How could he make people like him? More charming, more handsome, more funny, more useful -- his guards against a world that would otherwise discard him without a second thought.

Just as he feared Lex might.

"Why?" Lex repeated as though he didn't understand.

"That's what I asked, sir," said Fitz, not liking how needy he sounded.

"You make me happy," said Lex, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Isn't that enough reason?"

A pang of disappointment stung his heart. "With my blood, then, sir?" he said.

"No, not your blood. You." Lex pulled him in closer and hummed in his ear. "If nothing else, I want you to believe this one thing. I want you here with me, brightening my manor with your sunshine."

"…Oh," was all he could say in the tide of conflicting feelings. "Sir," he added.

"Now I want you to sink deeper into my spell. Deeper and dreamier, Fitz, just like that. And all of Edgar's thoughts and preferences are going to wash out of your head as though they were never there. No more desire to kneel or call me 'sir' as you used to. Nothing in your head but your own thoughts and my song."

"Nothing…"

"Nothing else but that. You can let your mind wander, feel so calm and peaceful as all of Edgar's influence is wiped away."

Fitz sank into Lex's arms, finally feeling himself relax after everything that had happened.

"I do love to see you in a trance like this, Fitz," Lex whispered into his ear. "I love to have you under my spell. It's my nature as a vampire. But it's you that I want under my spell, not a mindless puppet version of you. It's not nearly as fun to take your defiance if you don't have any."

"Lex --" said Fitz, filled with a mix of fear and desire.

"I love to see you when you're happy and charming and full of energy, knowing that I'm the only one who gets to pull you down into sleepy submission," he continued. "I want to see you laugh and play music and dance and tease me, and grace me with your company, and then, when the time is right, I want to see you fall into enchanted bliss when I drink from you."

His head was fogged from trance and praise and flattery. "I… want that too…"

"Then I want you to start to wake up gradually for me, but remain relaxed and happy, with only my influence remaining, no other vampire's. Wake up, Fitz."

Fitz blinked slowly, coming to. His head felt clearer, as though he was returning to himself, with the memories of the ball and the kidnapping growing distant.

He could see Lex, now. Not a vampire superior he needed to serve, but the real Lex, the one who always looked like a mess when he woke up, whose tired eyes lit up when he found a particularly precious book, whose handwriting was disgustingly perfect, who was uneasy around any modern invention. His Lex.

Lex ruffled his hair, breathing deep. "My Fitz. My delightful Fitz. My perfect thrall. What can I do to make you happy?"

"Drink from me," he said automatically.

"Besides that," said Lex, laughing. "What is it that you want most? Be honest."

It was a tall order to be honest when Fitz, on his best days, barely had any sort of a handle on what he actually wanted. One thing did automatically come to mind, though. "I want to return to the stage."

"Oh." Lex drew back, depriving Fitz of his touch and making him feel that he said something wrong.

Fitz blinked, trying to regain his thought processes. "You said to be honest."

"I know. And I do want you to return to the stage. I even promised that you could. But… I confess that I wanted to take care of my sire first. If he finds out I'm allowing you out of the manor to perform…"

"He agreed to leave you alone for a year, didn't he?" said Fitz. "And you're going to kill him."

"If I fail…"

"If you fail, I think we're both doomed, aren't we?" Fitz pulled Lex in closer. "If we're doomed anyway, we might as well have some fun before we go."

A rare and genuine smile blossomed across Lex's face. "You're right," he said. "And I do want to see you on stage. I want to see you in your element."

"Then, I can…?"

"Yes. Yes, you can." Lex kissed him softly, prompting Fitz to kiss him back as though his life depended on it.

---

The dingy office reeked of sweat and makeup and cigarettes. It was surreal to be back here, a familiar location in the world of ordinary humans, after so many weeks spent in the company of vampires. Fitz knocked on the door and entered before there was an answer.

"Son of a bitch," said Mr. Reed. "If it isn't Fitz de Hastings. We thought you were dead, or run out of town."

"Well, here I am, very much alive," said Fitz with a flourish. "Alive and ready to perform for the adoring public, as soon as you'll have me."

"Like hell. You left us in the lurch! I had you booked twice and you didn't show -- I had to put up some novelty music act to fill time, and the way the crowd reacted, I should've just left the stage empty."

"So you needed me, then?"

"Needed you like I need a hole in the head." Mr. Reed stubbed out his cigar. "Where the hell were you, anyway?"

Of course, he couldn't very well say he was kidnapped by vampires. "I was… enthralled with a lover. Surely you understand."

Mr. Reed was unimpressed. "You expect me to believe you had a lover that took up so much of your time you couldn't be bothered to pick up your last paycheck?"

"Alas, slender Aphrodite filled me with unbearable longing," said Fitz, draping himself across a chair. "I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't walk to the theater --"

"All right, all right, shut up, I don't really want to hear it."

"Then you'll have my act back?" said Fitz with his most endearing smile. "I'm sure the audiences will love to see me now that I've been away for months. The playbill can even advertise my triumphant return."

Mr. Reed groaned, pinching his nose. "You know I really shouldn't give you another chance with the shit you've pulled," he said. "But I've got an acrobat now who just isn't working out. He can twist himself up like a pretzel but he's got no stage presence, you know? Half the crowd falls asleep."

"So what I'm hearing is that you have a slot for me."

"Yes, de Hastings, I have a goddamn slot for you," said Mr. Reed. "Next Friday at 7pm sharp. And if you don't show, that's the last I'll ever do you a favor."

"Thank you, Mr. Reed," said Fitz, jumping up and shaking his hand vigorously, bursting with excitement about returning to the stage. "You won't regret this."

"I think I already am."

Previous > Masterlist

Next week: The first day of Jenny's new life.

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[anxiously-awaiting]

i need to fuckin. put my brain more into writing bc i want to write lance more

[djmarinizelablog]

hi! Idk if you're still doing this or you've done this alr but levihan with, “I think (she/he/they/I) rubbed off on you.”

[cool breeze and swagga jockas together with their lollipop-scented jeans]

Summary: Levi and Hange were sick of quarantines.

Submitted this to @levihan-drabbles for their anniversary contest!

They were both bored and sick and had to be quarantined for at least a week. It wasn't COVID, they checked. Unless those at-home COVID tests were useless and unreliable. Like government aids. And shitty politicians. They were both bored and sick and ready to break down the door and smash the floor and set the house on fire and scream about freedom in public just to get out of confinement. 

But mostly they were just bored. 

Hange was watching the ceiling fan spin for six hours, and Levi had to punch a hole in the wall with his fist, only to find out that there were rats scurrying around as if these furry little rodents could see everything he and Hange had been doing this whole time, which was nothing much at all. 

“Hey, Levi!” Hange quipped. They had been talking to the milk box inside the fridge for the past 30 minutes. “Wanna write a few letterboxd reviews with me?”

He was shitting his brains out in the bathroom after eating that microwavable box of expired pasta. Fuck you, mac n' cheese. Fuck you, lactose intolerance. The toilet clogged without warning, poop water spilling out of it.

Which meant that Levi had nothing better to do. “Well, shit, why not?”

After dinner, they started with Mamma Mia which was better off being a musical so that everyone could forget about Meryl Streep singing like a fading pop star in her 50s, only to find out that her one and only daughter born out of wedlock had invited all the man-whores in her mother’s life.

“How can you sleep with three men in one week and not know who the father is?” 

(Yeah, also: DNA tests exist.)

Levi crossed his arms. “If there is a sequel to this, I’m gonna fucking riot.” 

Watching this completely unbelievable and inaccurate musical-turned-movie only made them feel worse. They felt so high listening to "Dancing Queen'' that they head butted each other in the living room while yelling "Abracadabra!" until the next movie was about to start. 

Hange had chosen Magic Mike because they hadn't seen it yet. Like fever dreams and non-existent manic pixie dream girls, it should have stayed that way.

“Hollywood lied to us,” they said, snot running down their nose.  “I thought this was a movie about karaoke! Karaoke, Levi!” 

But Levi pretended not to hear them. Unlike Hange, his nose was clogged, just like the toilet where he had shit his brains out. Imagine if someone were to kidnap him and tape his mouth with his nose still clogged. He'd die in seconds.

“Today, I dreamt my best friend was a piece of broccoli," he said, breaking the fourth wall where the rats were so Levi could speak to the camera. "I think it was more entertaining than watching this entire thing.”

Hange wrestled him to the ground while reciting the alphabet in reverse order. They didn’t know why they felt like doing that, but they did it, anyway. They had read a science encyclopedia before where it mentioned that ants communicated with their antennae so Hange rubbed their forehead against Levi’s and cried like a baby for forgiveness. 

The next movie was already halfway through at that point. It was Stuart Little, featuring a mouse trying to act like a real high school kid with his teeny-tiny backpack. Hange wanted to scream and ask the director if they would ever choose to adopt a rodent instead of an actual human, but Levi told them that’s racist. Plus, they didn’t know who the director was. So they shut the TV off and went to sleep for 24 hours. Hange knew it was for 24 hours because it was 8pm before they closed their eyes and when they woke up the clock said 8pm, too.

The funny thing was that everything was upside down afterwards. The chairs and tables were stuck to the ceiling, and all their furniture was turned over as if Mike Tyson came in and did a right hook to their apartment’s body, plus a right uppercut to the chin. So now everything was topsy turvy like a Mad Hatter’s tea party, and Levi was feeling sorry for dozing off for a split-second when it felt like eternity. 

"God, being sick sucks." Levi was being honest. He laid down on the ceiling, technically the floor, and imagined he and Hange had baby peas for children. They would immediately put them up for adoption. Kinda like a reverse Stuart Little. 

Hange held his hand like a dying person. "Gandalf said, 'This too shall pass.'"

"That was not Gandalf, Four-Eyes," Levi corrected them. "Gandalf said, 'You shall not pass.'"

So they did another round of wrestling, clawing and scratching each other like a bunch of Oompa Loompas who didn't know any better. Hange kept saying they were right, but Levi was a die-hard fan of the movies and said they should just goddamn watch the LotR trilogy. When Hange said no, he went in for a camel clutch and head locked Hange until they tapped out, only for them to end up biting his hand, pretending it was a piece of broccoli. If this were WWE, they would have been disqualified already. And if this were a movie, they would have bombed the screening premiere by now. The two of them were better off making anime, starring themselves in a dystopian world called Attack on Titan in which they battled giant humanoid monsters by slicing their napes with enormous box cutters.

“I think they rubbed off on you,” Hange said. They were talking about the kids from daycare that Levi had to take care of. He agreed. No wonder they were acting like a bunch of adrenaline-fueled brats.

At least, they woke up feeling sexy. 

[elytrafemme]

hey mare! hope you’re doin well :)

finals for winter quarter are going.. interestingly, to say the least (i.e.: badly), like i had to drop a class literally a week before the quarter ends and i’ve got like two papers to write and an exam to study for and it is all very !!! i literally feel like this guy -> o(-( anyway! point of me telling u that is to say that this little chapter thingy is a bit late, inarticulate, and also very all over the place lmao

since i read it already, i will say now that this chapter was fucking heartbreaking, but also yay! cs!schlatt dead :D fucking hated that guy

losing a relative that you hate more than life itself is so much, and i can’t imagine what it would be like to experience that if they were also your abuser. like you’re filled with grief but also relief and its just all so conflicting and difficult and it kinda just feels like your emotional state is kinda paralyzed y’know? its hard to process because its feeling a thousand things at the same time and its overwhelming and awful. repressing your feelings and just sort of everything else as well is easy enough until something hits that’s a little too unexpected and every wall you built up just comes crumbling down

also while reading this i felt like i was watching a movie rather than reading something. it had a different rhythm and progression if that makes sense, it all flowed in a very specific way and it was all very much like a movie. especially in the tommy and ranboo bit at the end maybe it was because of the perspective or the interactions or something, i don't know, but it was really interesting! also i know in the chapter notes you mentioned that it was supposed to feel like a waltz and i feel like you definitely achieved that! The post you made a while ago about time signatures in writing was so interesting and i’d never thought of that concept before but its literally so fucking cool

I was really excited to see how you were going to write characters when they had more serious issues and like, the way you write conflict is absolutely baffling like it was so good and really very accurate to each of them. the entire tommy and ranboo scene was all so much /pos and it was confusing and big and intense and it was such an insane buildup, it was wild

it was also really interesting to read this from ranboo’s perspective, i don't really think i can elaborate and talk about that in a way that i want to and that makes sense right now but know that i think it was a really cool choice considering his relationships with everyone involved in this chapter

also the internal dialogue in this chapter was fucking incredible like oh my god

THE CALLBACK TO THE CONVERSATION ABOUT GOD?????? OOOOOHH BOY

fuck you for writing them so well though it makes it so much more sad bro like jesus christ why does it have to be so goddamn good and in character this is so upsetting

“Almost a decade later, Ranboo watches the stars from his bedroom window, and he wonders if God hates him.

Almost a decade later, everything is still Ranboo’s fault.”

i genuinely had to set down my phone and stand up and walk away when i read this, like idk how to articulate how this made me feel like i swear to god it was like i was able to see mantis shrimp colors but the colors were emotions. shrimp emotions if you will

at the moment i am terrified to see the rest of this fall apart but i am also very excited about it

cs!beeduo the beloveds... i literally just want them to be happy and know it’s all bad now but i am so excited to see them figure it all out and get better eventually

i hope u know that your fic just spins around in my brain like its in the microwave like it just sits there in my commonly rotated through thoughts like right next to c!tubbo and also plants. every now and then it switches to other stuff but it always comes back at some point. anyway.

I definitely missed stuff that i wanted to mention while writing this but my brain is a bit fried right now. it was a really good chapter king, i hope u have a lovely day/night/whenever you read this <3

-

no worries about inarticulacy or promptness or anything, i hope your quarter with school turns out okay, wishing u luck!

HAHA HELPPPPPPP i know u hated him so bad pleaseeee

NO ABSOLUTELY YOU PUT THAT SO WELL it's one of the most complicated things to experience honestly because like. you resent them but you also grieve them and it's so difficult to consolidate those two into anything that isn't remotely self destructive; you have very few memories that aren't outright painful yet still have misery lingering within them anyway and yet you're trying to reflect but now you have nothing to cling to, you're grieving someone you once knew but have lost far before their death, and in many respects its adjacent to the act of grieving yourself.

i'm really happy to hear back that it both had realism but also read in a sort of dance-like movie-like manner, because it isn't composed of scenes that are inherently meant to be cinematic, yet i still wanted it to roll out like that, y'know? also i completely forgot about the time signatures idea i have abandoned that project but i reckon i'll cycle back to it someday!

thank you so so much, i honestly really love writing conflict? i am better at it than writing like fluff or banter i think-- i'm improving in that category but conflict and hurt/slight-comfort has always been the specific mood i've excelled in. so i'm really excited to see how my writing goes now that we're in this part of the fic!

yeah i'm really glad i decided to put this in cs!ranboo's POV, i think it's interesting to see how things like these roll out from an external perspective. witnessing grief and distress especially as such an outsider to the circumstance is a really odd experience but i think yields a lot. also another piece of it was that i figured cs!tubbo wouldn't recall too much of the specific events later on-- like he wouldn't forget it but so much of that would be a blur-- that it felt kind of odd writing it from his POV knowing that he would later partially contradict some aspects of it or otherwise not address it. but yeah lot went into that pov choice so im glad it was the right choice

i'm so glad i could give u shrimp emotions, highest honor fr

at this point cs!beeduo is just a collective thing for CS enjoyers and i myself we all rotate them in our brain regularly and honestly i'm so happy to hear it. i'm really really happy you liked the chapter and i always love reading your asks liv, hope you're doing okay today and that things lighten up a little bit in your life re: school and stuff <33

[rebo-chan]

I see it, I see the vision. IDK WHOS SAYING TSUNA AND HIS FRIENDS ARENT CLOSE 😭?? To me, that might be a lack of being able to analyze properly and taking the characters at face value when there's more to analyze than what's at face value. Even the ones you suspect aren't close to him ARE. Hibari and Mukuro - TYL Hibari was willing to go along with TYL Tsunas fake death plot and TYL Mukuro WITHOUT PROMPT snuck into Byakurans base and fed the Vongola information (as it was the only thing he COULD do after finding about Tsunas death) That's??? Friend behavior??? Like do people believe Mukuro when he says he doesn't care about anyone other than himself when he's doing shit like that and sacrificing himself for chikusa and Ken to escape??? Do WE REALLY BELIEVE THAT MAN?

As for some moments we see that Tsuna and his friends are equal to each other in their love for each other. In the post you linked, in the manga panel where Gokudera tells Tsuna that after this they can go back to the peaceful times, Tsuna does the SAME THING back to Gokudera in the Storm Ring Battle when Gokudera thought him winning was worth his life and Tsuna had to set him straight. Like Yamamoto and Gokudera in general are just as much in love with Tsuna as he is in love with them !! Do we remember how excited they got to get the rings and be told that this is symbolic of them being able to be the ones to protect Tsuna??? that lives in my mind RENT free. And then of course we have the iconic line from Tsuna where he apologizes for not telling them about his plan first because he kinda views them as family and just expects that they'll just help him!! I love rattling off shit so many moments just live in my mind rent free JFJAKFJAKKD they're cooking in my microwave brain and I'm watching them spin.

Also I think commenting on their relationship at the start is SO unfair because specifically Tsuna was a different man at the end of the series than the start. Let's not forget that Tsuna was ready to run from his battle with Mochida JGKSKFKSKFK and he goes from THAT to "I'll buy time, so you all go on ahead" in FUTURE ARC TO "You're not the only one who's angry!" TO "Just try and take the boss watch from me." TO FUCKING CHECKER FACE TELLING TSUNA HES NEXT IN LINE TO BECOME THE NEXT ARCOBALENO AND TSUNA GOING "I'm ready for whatever you have to throw at me"

Like you said!! Friendship was so new for Tsuna at the start, he was bumbling around trying to figure out the correct way to act. And y'know what? It was new for everyone else too. Yamamato and Gokuderas relationship also grew from Gokudera to stop learning to being so prickly with everyone that WASNT Tsuna. (The scene where Gokudera is reaching his hand out to pull Yamamato up the wall and Yamamoto doesn't take it in future arc lives in my mind) Chrome learning to slowly open up to tsuna, the girls, Mukuro, Chikusa, and Ken!! FJFJFJDN the scene where she tells Mukuro so determinedly that they are NOT leaving Tsuna behind, early chrome would've just LISTENED. Even like Lambo, he goes from being this little menace to telling Tsuna in Shimon arc that he's a big brother to him and to always bring him anywhere he goes because he looks up to Tsuna so much?? LIKE AAAAAAAAA??? Anyway this is gonna get too long, basically I GET IT HOPE. IM ON YOUR SIDE

okay, breaking my silence on this i guess, so have one of my author’s notes from one of my stories. sorry not sorry, peace and love on planet earth <3

Listen to me, LISTEN TO ME. I know in canon it seems like the 10th gen wants to become mafia, or that they’re okay with it at the very least, and that they don’t care that Tsuna very much doesn’t want to become mafia until the very end, but it’s because they look at a different choice from Tsuna. For Tsuna, his options are to either become mafia and Vongola, which’d mean dragging all his friends into it too, or somehow manage to make Vongola give up on him so none of them will have to become part of the mafia. And so of course he tries his very best and his hardest to somehow achieve the latter, however unrealistic it is and how little power he has to do that, if at all, as Vongola is the strongest mafia family in the world. But he has to try anyway so none of them will become mafia, but first and foremost so none of his friends he loves so much will become mafia against their wishes, especially when it’d only happen because they happen to love him back, the last legitimate Vongola Decimo candidate.

But for the 10th gen, the choice in front of them is to whether turn their backs on Tsuna so to be free from the mafia, or keep standing by his side even if it means they become mafia. Do you get what I mean? For them, it’s always about Tsuna first and foremost before it’s ever about Vongola and if becoming mafia is something they want. They look at Tsuna and the life he’s being dragged to, very much caring that he doesn’t want any of it and yet doesn’t have the power to stop them from dragging him closer to that life, and ask themselves: “Do I love Tsuna enough to let myself be dragged to that life too, so I can help him see it through and find as much happiness as possible from it?”. And of course, of course the answer is yes and comes to them as naturally as breathing.

And so they give in because they must, because they don’t have (yet) the power to fight back against it and win. Because should they not be willing enough, they might decide they wouldn’t mind making them part of their world even if it means breaking them to make it happen, and they wouldn’t have (yet) the power to stop it from happening. To stop it from happening to Tsuna.

And so they willingly let them teach them how to be a mafioso so they’ll be able to stand their own in the world they’re forcing them to become a part of. They willingly let them teach them how to be a powerful mafioso so they’ll be strong enough to protect each other from and survive in the world they’re forcing them to become a part of. And then maybe to even still be happy in that world. (And then maybe to even break free from that world.)

They’re all doing it for each other despite none of them wanting any of it. Because they care about loving each other and doing justice to that love more than being able to do the things they want. Do you get it? Please tell me you get it!!!!

add-on:

Keep reading

[blackberrywars]

Oh gods I read all the tags I get because they’re lovely and before this event my entire niche was f/f laiden so..... I hoard the comments I do get like they’re gold (and they are). Thank you so much for sharing my fic, I appreciate the love.

Oh wow!!! Honestly props to you all, because holy hell it is a Concept. I got into the fandom with very little knowledge of any canon (I personally ignore most of twn), and quickly dived into the side characters and wiki pages, so it’s amazing to me that you guys went so deep into the lore to find their story and flesh it out. Erland is wonderful, and I wanted to make sure I represented him well, especially because it’s Arnaghad’s pov. As for Arnaghad.... the big man facinates me. The canon is just lacking though.  If he really cared only for himself, he would have just fucked off and did his own thing. But the man founded a whole new school for witchers, the very first of its kind --he wouldn’t do that unless he cared about their survival and had hope that they could achieve it because he sincerely believes in his own ideals, just as Erland does. Idk this is getting away from me, but I’m just spinning your tag “the inherent tragedy of being narrative foils” tag around in my brain like it’s a microwave.

Hello I'm the writer of that arnaghad/erland fic and all I have to say to your incredible rb tags is *yanks harder*

Thank you so much for the kind words, I really enjoyed writing that fic, and by the nature of rarepairs, the few people that DO care about it care about it a LOT.

Look, the least I can do is gush at you in the tags, bc I'm rather shy on AO3, and I *was* hoping you'd read them, so it worked out nicely :)

The OG husbands mean so much to me, they were probably the first rarepair our server came up with (The Breakup, man, still gets me going with feels), and anytime someone new writes for them I'm like a little kid in the shopping window, pressing my face against the glass at the shiny thing. (I may have also immediately gone and shared the fic around, bc it deserves the attention.) Erland, especially, is my tiny husband, and seeing his tag get used floods me with serotonin, so thank you for that <3