#this is just a small taste of what makes it so brilliant imo | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stillinaincrad · 3 years ago

Text

A Baker’s Dozen List of 13 Anime for When You Just Want to Laugh Your &%$ Off.

1. Good Luck Girl (Binbougami Ga)

My biggest complaint with the majority of comedic anime out there is that there’s either no story, the schtick gets old after a few episodes, or there’s only one or two characters that are worth anything and the rest are just there to fill out a classroom. Binbougami Ga has always been that one comedy show that is just plain unforgettable, one of my favorite funny anime. Great characters, great narrative, an abundance of feel-good, and right alongside all that is some of the most side-splitting gags and hilarity you’ll ever see, each one as fresh as the one before it. I have to call Binbougami Ga a must-watch, it’s as good as they get.

2. Konosuba (Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Shukufuku wo!)

And that’s a tall, tall order when put next to this band of merry misfits that I am enamored with. I can’t even describe how funny this show is, especially if you have ever been an RPG game nerd (they embody common in-game stereotypes that make the chemistry between them that much more ironic, but you don’t have to “get” that dynamic to totally love this show). The personalities are too perfect, the cynicism and snark are honed to a discernable edge. Konosuba is one of my all-time favorite titles period, in any genre. So much pure, top-tier shenanigans throughout.

3. My Bride is a Mermaid (Seto no Hanayome)

Man, they just do not make them like this anymore. Sebastian left out a lot when he was singing about what goes on under the sea - mermaid mafias, transforming sharks, Terminator dads, loyal chimp sidekicks, and non-stop wackiness that will have you squirting whatever you’re drinking out through your nose with regularity. If you’re looking for a good time, you can’t ask for much more than Sun and Nagasumi and everyone that comes along with them.

4. Amagi Brilliant Park

There is a lot more going on in AmaBri than just hijinks - there is character progression. There is plot. There is linearity. You’re going to fall in love with several of these characters, because they’re worth falling for. But you’re going to LOL quite often, as well. Every single one of these cute and fuzzy little people (or fairies, to be... fair?) is a horribly flawed and hateful piece of work who loves nothing more than torturing one another for sport. Of course, they all come together and everybody lives happily ever after in the end and anime happens just like you expect it to, but getting there is too much fun.

5. The Devil is a Part-Timer ( Hataraku Maou-sama!)

We have once again come to one of my all-time favorites, a show I will hold out with both arms over Pride Rock for the whole herd to see is in the world. It’s not just my favorite tsundere that has ever tsunded, it's not just the cavalcade of Sasaki’s facial expressions that make you laugh so hard you have to rewind a few seconds to catch missed dialogue, and it isn’t just the ridiculousness of it all that makes you wonder how off-kilter the person who thought it up in the first place has to be. Devil is a very good, very complete story. It’s such a very well done, very polished, start-to-finish anime. But yes, one that also happens to be insanely funny.

6. Aho-Girl

You want as much pointless, plotless, slapstick gutter humor as can be crammed into a 12-minute timeframe? Here ya go. Stupidity at near sonic nonstop speeds, but the characters are so much fun it’s easy to binge episode after episode.

7. Nichijou (Nichijou - My Ordinary Life)

Speaking of random, zany, and all around wtfedness humor, you will never see everyday happenings exploited and pushed to the edge of where a joke can go more than these six girls (and one cat) do. I think of Nichijou like Indian food or that single-malt that your dad really loves but you’ve never seen in a store - a lot of the show is acquired taste imo. But, if you’ve acquired it? Oye. So much bonkers going on in here!

8. Gintama

Gintama is a show I can only take in small doses - the constant pundits and so-stupid-you-laugh moments wear on me after a while. Still, anybody who puts out a list of comedy anime and does not include Gintama is just asking to be discredited on the spot. Even people who don’t watch anime seem to understand that Gintama is one of the funniest shows out there, and even from someone who isn’t a huge fan, there are moments that I still remember years later and crack up.

9. D-Frag

The OP song alone is just a random mishmosh of words that shouldn’t go together. Kazama Kenji shouts almost all his lines through the first few episodes. Some of the jokes are so far left of left field that the absurdity alone is what makes you bust up. And then, just about the time you catch your bearings and start to snuggle up to the constant silly of these little wierdos, you realize the same thing the characters do as the show goes on - all this is actually a ton of fun. Very nutty, very funny anime. Such a good time.

10. Hyakko

Originally watched this one because the artwork was so unique to me, stayed for the giggle fits I couldn’t tame. The mix of personalities of all these girls is great, and the timing between Torako and Tatsuki especially is fantastic. The last 3-4 episodes unfortunately are pretty much filler and feel a bit more canned than the rest, but for a title that I never really see people talking about, Hyakko delivers the howls in spades.

11. Strange+

Ever watch an anime and wonder how in the world they came up with the title? Yeah, this isn’t one of them. Strange+ is definitely strange in an outlandishly wonderful way. Short episodes with exactly no progression, no plot, and most of the time not even a point except to be ludicrous and farcical nonstop. Truly one of the most unique shorts I’ve ever seen, and one of the laugh-out-loudest, as well.

12. Moyashimon

If Strange+ wasn’t worthy enough of its title, it would have been a perfect fit for Moyashimon, because “quirky” doesn’t even scratch the surface. There are plenty of laughs on their own, but the climate of the whole thing from start to finish is just awkward enough that even the times when it tries to be serious and salient it’s freaking hilarious. Mostly, though, I have had three (yes, THREE) Covid tests in the past month and keep thinking how awesome it would be if I had a Sawaki Tadayasu in my life to just ask instead of being repeatedly stabbed in the brain with a q-tip (he can see microorganisms, btw - and most of the time they’re a riot). I think of this whole list, Moyashimon is likely the most niche humor of them all, but I’ve always loved the wildly creative originality and the outside-the-lines, twisted sense of humor of these three college cohorts with ginormous personalities. If you can find both seasons somewhere to stream, definitely worth checking out. Just a marvelous time.

13. Ranma 1/2

So, I won’t say I’ve been saving the BEST laughs for last this whole time, but I definitely saved the MOST until now. Ranma Saotome (or Ranka Tendo, depending on what’s happening that episode) and the entire cast of this light-hearted, persiflage fanfare are so deep in my heart we’re practically simbiotic at this point. Plot? Not really. Arcs? Ocassionally, but not really. GOOD, HEARTFELT FUN and a huge cast of distinctly outrageous characters? Most definitely. Ranma 1/2 is one of the first shows I remember watching, and it was just as good at making me laugh then as it is 25yrs later, truly one of the best out there.

316 notes · View notes

sun-undone · 4 years ago

Note

You asked for Druck opinion questions - so here goes one: What are your 3 favourite Druck seasons and the best things about each one? Plus, one thing in each you'd like to change/improve?

ooooooh thank you for this!

my top 3 druck seasons are hands-down 3, 5, and 6, in that order

i’m gonna talk a lot from memory and not really looking back at any notes that i have for these seasons so i apologize in advance if i forget about some things

let’s start with the best things from each of those seasons first

season 3: it’s really really hard to choose just one thing as being the best from this season, cause there’s just so much good in it. but i think i’d have to say that the thing that really makes druck season 3 stand out so so so much to me is how the writers really said “okay we see isak and even, we see them, we appreciate them, and we’re going to respectfully do our own thing thank you very much”. they completely switched up their isak and even characters, not just by making david trans instead of bipolar, but by changing their entire personalities and dynamic together. it’s so DIFFERENT and fresh and hits me in a personal way that i have to say has been even more poignant than how isak and even hit me when i first got into skam all those years ago. matteo and david really just feel like they are characters that have been specially made with my personal tastes in mind, and i KNOW that i’m not even close to being the only one who sees so much of myself reflected in parts of both of their personalities. i love when remakes switch things up, especially with the beloved isak season, and druck really went there with no fear. they made that shit their own, and the ways in which they did so just happen to pluck at my heartstrings so perfectly.

season 5: this season is just so well-crafted, i think a lot of people would agree in saying that it’s druck’s most well-written season. you can really tell that a ton of work went into the overall story arc, properly addressing very touchy subjects like alcoholism and mental illness, introducing all of these new characters, just EVERYTHING. and what a huge fucking task that is, putting out a new season almost completely from scratch right after pissing off all of your fans. but they fucking delivered. there’s so much good in this season, too, so it’s tough to pick just one element to be the very best. but honestly, i think i’ve gotta say mina’s acting??? i was WORRIED about what the acting would be like in the new gen because i was so impressed by the old gen actors and their ability to really make each of their characters so distinct and personable. so going into the new gen, my expectations were already low for a lot of reasons, and i was kind of expecting to just not be as convinced by the actors and therefore not be able to fall in love with most, if any, of the characters. AND BOY WAS I WRONG. i do think a few of the actors were a bit rocky at first, which was also the case with the old gen so i’m not bothered by that at all, but damn they really stepped it up and blew me away once they all found their footing and chemistry with one another, especially mina. i think she’s the second best actor in all of druck (behind michi and maybe tied with or just above anselm), which is insane considering how young she is. she absolutely killed everything she was given and completely drew me into this season that i was fully expecting to not be able to connect to. i really do think that if someone else had played nora, season 5 and the new gen in general would’ve had a much rockier start. she led us into this new generation of characters with such warmth and natural, charismatic talent, and she deserves so so so much credit for that. she had great material, yes, but she really put in the fucking work.

season 6: okay so i still haven’t rewatched season 6 cause i’ve been a tad preoccupied with a different obsession at the moment, BUT i still just know that this season is fantastic and groundbreaking by giving us a biracial couple with no white person in it, a black lesbian main with a learning disability, and tackling performative activism and racism in a really grounded, realistic way. other remakes could never. just like in other druck seasons, it is incredibly obvious that the team worked their asses off to make this season, especially in light of all the covid restrictions. i'm hesitant to name the best thing about this season because i haven’t rewatched it, so i don’t wanna miss something. i WILL say that the soundtrack for this season is fucking phenomenal and has introduced me to so many new artists, particularly artists of color, which i appreciate so much. druck’s soundtracks are always amazing imo, but fatou’s just has something extra to it that i can’t quite put my finger on. maybe it’s just simply most aligned with my own personal tastes, i really don’t know, but it’s fucking brilliant. i also do have to say that i really appreciate how fleshed out kieu my is as a full character, not just as a love interest. she definitely has an advantage from being introduced in the previous season, but the writers could’ve easily made her stagnant once she and fatou started getting together. but NO, they made her even MORE interesting. she really got a full arc along with fatou, and i just love her so fucking much. once i rewatch, maybe i’ll make another post with a more complete answer, but that’s what i’ve got just from my memories of watching the season live.

now onto the thing i would change/improve for each season (i’ll try to keep this more brief because jesus christ why do i talk so much)

season 3: it’s obvious, isn’t it? david’s outing was done poorly, the execution of episode 8 in general was weird and out of place, it’s the only time that i really felt like the show was relying on shock value and drama (maybe even trauma porn) instead of good writing and conflict. there was a way to teach the audience about trans issues and experiences without subjecting david to that pain and also without having him just be absent for so much of the season. in conclusion, the season needed more david but never at his expense.

season 5: i really think that this season is druck’s absolute best in terms of writing and pacing, so it’s hard to find something that i was disappointed by (i would put this season above season 3 if i wasn't so damn emotionally attached to 3). i’m really racking my brains trying to think of something, anything, that bothered me, no matter how small it was. the only thing i can think of is that i remember a few music moments that felt forced or badly edited to me, but that’s literally all that’s coming to mind right now.

season 6: this season definitely wasn’t as well-paced as season 5, but there’s still not many glaring narrative issues that i can remember. there were a few smaller things throughout the season, but nothing too major. the one that i would most like to change is the stupid tinder/”cheating but not really” thing at the end of episode 8 (i think that’s the right episode number). it was just unnecessary and then completely forgotten about by the writers and characters, which shows how unnecessary it really was.

ask me some opinions about druck, wir kinder vom bahnhof zoo, or really anything!

#druck

15 notes · View notes

stella-monstrum · 4 years ago

Text

Rob Zombie; "Why it's time to step outside the confinements of his own box."

For close to four decades,

Rob Zombie has brought nonstop psychedelic grooves and a rockstar presence while gracing his own music and the silver screen with gut-churning, drug-tripping visuals. He not only commands quite the presence in films (whether his own successes or others’), but also makes appearances within many other horror soundtracks. There’s no denying that Zombie is a bloodied savant who has stayed incredibly consistent.

[ᴿᵒᵇ ᶻᵒᵐᵇᶦᵉ. ⁽ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ: ᴳᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ ᴵᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ⁾]

(Written by Stella, edited by Jacob J.)

(Side note; tumblr’s photo formatting is a pain)

Let’s take a dive into his music before getting into his film library. From 1985-1997, White Zombie released six albums (between studio and compilations). La Sexorcisto: Devil Music Volume One didn’t break into the Billboard 200 chart until a year after its 1992 release. Shortly thereafter, it became the hot and groovy bong success of the band, going on to sell two million copies. Astro Creep 2000, their final and fourth studio release, was their first and only album to chart within the Top 10 of the Billboard 200 in 1995. Up to this day in 2020, “White Zombie” has been featured in 47 TV, film, and video game soundtracks, from Beavis & Butthead to Pen15 to Bride Of Chucky (which includes a personal favorite moment of mine), amongst many others.

After the disbandment and separation, Zombie continued on his solo journey. He has gone on to release six studio albums, with a seventh on the way in March 2021, titled The Lunar Injection Kool Aid Eclipse Conspiracy. A multitude of hits—eight to be exact—sat within the Top 10 of the Billboard 200 records.

══════════════════

Zombie’s extensive film career is a “Super Beast” on its own.

He has been very vocal about gaining inspiration from 1920s-1980s horror culture. In many interviews, he’s cited Stan Lee, Bella Lugosi, Alice Cooper, and Steven Speilberg as being responsible for molding the brain that we know today.

Some of his influences include:

George A. Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (1978)

A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1920)

The Shining (1980)

Zombie’s upbringing in the carnival industry alongside his family is another key influence.

[[I’ll only be focusing on Zombie’s live-action films here.]]

══════════════════

In 2000, Rob made his directorial and (very memorable) screen debut with House Of 1000 Corpses.

It took three years to be released because of quarrels with major production companies regarding the film’s majorly aggressive themes of torture, blood, violence, sex—not to mention his arrogance with MGM, fighting to get rights back from Universal. Eventually, Lionsgate bit the bullet, albeit with the major stipulation of having Rob edit it down much further so House could pass with a “tame” R rating.

[[House of 1000 Corpses: Rainn Wilson as taxidermy merman (Source: Tumblr—and if you’re brave, you can view the scene here.)]]

══════════════════

In 2005 and 2019, the franchise’s next two installments—Devil’s Rejects and 3 From Hell—were released. The franchise is heavily influenced by the shocking, sickening, and unforgettable ’70s classic Texas Chainsaw Massacre. It follows a family of psychotic, sadistic, and bloodthirsty (if I’m being honest) necrophiliacs. They kidnap, kill, torture and brutalize anyone who gets in their way. At the end of Devil’s Rejects, they somehow manage to survive a police shootout, escape prison, and waltz on into Mexico (as seen in the franchise finale 3 from Hell).

Look, it’s all complicated.

Main Characters from the franchise:

Captain Spaulding—Sid Haig

Baby Firefly—Sheri Moon Zombie

Otis B. Driftwood—Bill Moseley

Momma Firefly—Karen Black (recast as Leslie Easterbrook after Karen’s passing)

(Other notable appearances throughout: Chris Hardwick, Rainn Wilson, Danny Trejo, Dee Wallace, Ken Foree, and Diamond Dallas Page.)

⁽“ʰᵒᵘˢᵉˢ ᵗʳⁱˡᵒᵍʸ”, ᵈᵛᵈ ˢᵉᵗ﹔ ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹔ ᵗᵃʳᵍᵉᵗ.ᶜᵒᵐ⁾

══════════════════

The notorious/controversial Halloween (John Carpenter, 1978) remakes from 2007 and 2009.

(ᵃ ᵛⁱᵉʷ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵒˣ ᵃʳᵗ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ ʳᵉᵐᵃᵏᵉˢ ⁽ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹕ ᵃᵐᵃᶻᵒⁿ⁾)

Look, this is a remake that you either adore or hate with a burning passion. If you’re a horror fanatic, you know what’s up with the original.

I personally adore Zombie’s take. The fact alone that he gave us an entire background story as to why Michael became the psychotic slasher that we’ve come to know and love. Plus, with an increased suspense and gore factor? Worked incredibly well and did justice (in my opinion).

The film made me feel bad for Michael, with moments of child Myers in therapy, particularly his love for making masks to pass the time while he was locked up and the touching family moments between him and his mother Deborah (Sheri Moon).

ᵈᵉᵇᵒʳᵃʰ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐⁱᶜʰᵃᵉˡ ᵐᵉʸᵉʳˢ ⁱⁿ ʲᵃⁱˡ ᵗʰᵉʳᵃᵖʸ. ⁽ˢᶜʳᵉᵉⁿᶜᵃᵖ, ʰᵃˡˡᵒʷᵉᵉⁿ. ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹕ ᵍᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ⁾

[Michael’s cell in the 2007 Halloween remake. (Source: Google)]

Add in the supporting cast of Michael McDowell (Loomis), Brad Douriff (Sheriff Leigh), Scout Taylor-Compton (Laurie Strode), etc., and I honestly think that it came together very well as a remake.

The films rated relatively low, but they did gross higher than the budgets that they originally had to film on. Again, I’m not going to give much attention to the higher-ups of critical perception—it all comes down to personal taste.

══════════════════

“Lords of Salem” (2013)

[[Promotional art for Lords of Salem. (Souce: Google Images)]]

A film that’s centered within Salem, Massachusetts,

this film—you guessed it—tackles witches, occultism, possession, Satan, and all the usual topics. Heidi (Sherri Moon) is a radio DJ who gets sent a mysterious record that’s labeled as being from “The Lords.” From then on out, shit gets a little dicey and admittedly, very disjointed. You can’t fault the cast here, and I loved the visuals that they were going for. However, with set schedule conflicts and multiple rewrites, which led to essentially running out of time to film? As a whole, what looked great on paper just couldn’t be done justice.

My FAVORITE sequence within the film (SPOILERS):

youtube

I can forgive the disjointedness solely because of how mind-boggling and brilliant the film’s history and proper visuals were. Also, we got to see Dee Wallace, Judy Geeson, and Patricia Quinn as creepy and badass witches who moonlight as Heidi’s landlords. Also Meg Foster who leads their coven? Can we talk about what a femme-fueled power cast that is?!

[[Left to right: Patricia Quinn as Megan, Dee Wallace as Sonny, and Judy Geeson as Lacy Doyle. (Screencap, Lords of Salem. Source: Google) ]]

[[Meg Foster as coven leader Margaret Morgan. (Screencap, Lords of Salem. Source; google)]]

Like I said prior, the film gets a little wild. If you’re...well, buzzed prior to watching, it may make a little more sense.

══════════════════

“31” (2016)

[[Film poster for 31 (Source: Google)]]

[Synopsis from IMDB; “Five carnival workers are kidnapped and held hostage in an abandoned, hellish compound where they are forced to participate in a violent game, the goal of which is to survive twelve hours against a gang of sadistic clowns.”]

Here, we clearly see that Zombie is invoking his childhood growing up within carnivals. In a 2013 interview with LA Weekly, Zombie divulged more about it:

“When we were kids, my parents would [work at the carnivals], and me and my brother would get dragged along to these things all the time and have to work.”

He went further on to say;

“Yeah, and it's not the nicest world. As a kid, you get exposed to the crazier underworld of the carnival. Me and my brother, when we were very little, we'd be inside the haunted house playing all day. So, already, what people are paying money to be scared [of], we're just playing in because it's fun. We saw the inner workings behind the machines.”

youtube

(”31″ trailer, source; Youtube)

Once again in this film, Zombie brings a powerhouse cast:

Jeff Daniel Phillips as Roscoe Pepper

Meg Foster as Venus Virgo

Malcom McDowell as Father Murder

Judy Geeson as Sister Dragon

Richard Brake as Doom Head

You can view the entire cast at IMDB here.

Set in 1976, Zombie stays true to his nods. Again, depending on taste, this is a huge hit or a wild miss with mindless homicidal violence, campiness, and climbs across the monkey bar of standards that we’re used to seeing from him.

══════════════════

So at this point, you’re probably wondering why I think that it’s time for Rob Zombie to step out of the confinements of his own box...

══════════════════

It’s no secret that Zombie sticks to only a small group of tropes:

Slashers, families or groups of homicidals that lack remorse, the occult, etc. There’s no shame in sticking to what you know. Hell, Zombie has seemingly cracked the code over the past two decades that he’s been in the film industry that so many directors still don’t seem to get.

IMO, despite whatever you personally feel about the films mentioned above- I feel like we’re living a freaky groundhog day repeat within Zombie’s filmography.

══════════════════

Now, if it ain’t broke, why fix it? Look, I’m not saying that Zombie has to change anything. However, I would love to see him tackle some other nuances that we’ve already seen from him in small doses.

- Children: We haven’t seen Zombie exactly take on what horror films depict kids as. Sure, he made a breakout and impeccable choice with young Michael Myers (Daeg Faerch) back in 2007. I personally would adore to see a reimagined (NOT remade) Children of the Corn on acid, one we all know Zombie can tackle and turn every existing view on its head.

- Witchcraft, The Occult, Satan, Voodoo: Zombie genuinely had a phenomenal concept (on paper) for 2012’s Lords of Salem. It was unfortunate that they ran out of resources and ran into unfortunate circumstances on set while filming.

The film wasn’t a total tank, though, given how inspiring and insane all the visuals were throughout the 1 hr, 41min film. I am absolutely positive that, given a full-force opportunity, Rob could rectify the mess that was out of his control. We completely saw that he provided visuals that left quite the impression, and he could take those taboo subjects by the goat horns.

- Animals (not the human form): It’s no secret that Rob and his wife Sherri are ethical vegetarians. It would be so tongue and cheek to see them take on such topics as animals getting their revenge, or even vegetarians torturing carnivores. This twist on the formula would make for an interesting viewing.

══════════════════

2.) In regard to time periods,

Zombie stays within—and pays homage to—the 1970s and 1980s quite a bit. Obviously, those are the eras that Zombie personally loves the most when it comes to filmmaking. However, it would be very interesting to see him take on current day settings.

Zombie has such a unique viewpoint. Given changing climates in politics, human decline/growth, the economy, etc., he would do work that could easily put Ryan Murphy to shame.

══════════════════

3.) He could also do with some different casting every now and then.

Let me preface this by saying that I adore every repeat casting choice that Zombie has made for his films.

Of course chemistry is a huge thing, and sticking to his friends is a very smart choice. However, he also has the potential to make new stars, boosting the power of those that may be under the radar. He can support those new stars with cameos from classic actors that we haven’t seen in awhile. I can’t begin to even fictionally cast those who fit the bill, but I do believe that with the “Zombie Touch,” he can bring so much more fresh air to the usual casting.

══════════════════

There’s no doubting what Rob Zombie is clearly very good at. Despite mixed reviews from the horror world and critics, it’s time that his fans open their eyes to new possibilities. Of course, there are die-hards, but digging your feet in further doesn’t allow the growth of horror and its ever evolving themes.

[[ʳᵒᵇ ᶻᵒᵐᵇⁱᵉ, ˢᵒᵘʳᶜᵉ﹔ ᵍᵒᵒᵍˡᵉ ⁱᵐᵃᵍᵉˢ]]

This theory has been on my mind for a very long time—since 3 from Hell came out. I’m sure, in his usual fashion, we won’t be seeing any new films from Rob anytime soon (what with his new album set to release in March 2021, not to mention the toll that the pandemic has had on Hollywood.)

Still, it never hurts to challenge the set standards and ways.

5 notes · View notes

dialux · 5 years ago

Text

you are the universe in ecstatic motion

I’ve had this in my drafts for a very long time- ever since I watched Padmaavat and fell in love with Mehrunisa. I was so curious about her! Her pain; her fears; her courage. It makes for a very fascinating background, this quiet character who speaks out when she finds it necessary and doesn’t often find it necessary- who, ultimately, betrays her husband almost totally.

This story assumes a couple things, imo: a) we’ve never met her mother and don’t know anything about her; b) we don’t actually know anything about her after she’s imprisoned by Alauddin c) when Alauddin dies, he’s succeeded by Malik Kafur for a month before Mubarak (Alauddin’s eldest son) overthrows him, and we’re calling Mubarak Mehrunisa’s son in this story

Hope y’all enjoy!

Mehrunisa’s first memory of Alauddin occurs when she is too young to know anything of him more than his name.

It is early morning, and she is a small girl, young enough to have a nurse set aside for her personally; foolish enough to slip out of bed while still dark and go wandering. She cannot walk in the corridors plainly for there are too many guards there, still patrolling, so she slips through the small crenellations to avoid them.

Once, twice, thrice- it works.

The fourth time, she misjudges the size of the gap and finds herself caught. She’s stuck between two curved stones, one elbow jammed into her knee, neck twisting terribly, shoulder strained. An interminable amount of time later, she hears footsteps around the corner.

“Help,” she says, breathlessly. “Help me, please, oh-”

A moment later, she feels someone shove at her from the back.

She slides down, bruising her knees on the marble floor. Tears spring to her eyes. Through them, she looks up and sees a boy with short-cropped hair and bright eyes stare at her.

This is Mehrunisa’s earliest memory of the man she will one day call husband and king: helping her, and bruising her, all at once.

...

They do not know each other.

All Mehrunisa knows of him is his name: Ali, the syllables slippery on her tongue, the name common enough in the palace. But Ali himself is not common; he is deliberately uncommon- he distinguishes himself with his sharp tongue and his even sharper sword, and there are whispers in the palace of his wrath and his valor.

They do not love each other. Mehrunisa is Jalalludin’s eldest daughter, first daughter of his first wife, and her life is to be spent in the comfort of her father’s zenana before she goes to her husband’s. Ali is her father’s ward; he is meant to die on a battlefield, as the wards with fine military acumen tend to do, in the process of furthering Jalalludin’s glory, Jalalludin’s sons’ glories. There is no overlap in their lives, for all that they live in the same palace.

(When he raids Bhilsa and returns, Ali is wounded- a slash over his calf, and an arrow in his shoulder. Mehrunisa’s brother is wounded as well, though far less dearly; and though Ali won the battle, though Ali is wounded the worse, it is Qadr whom her parents embrace.

Mehrunisa sends two of her own maids to serve Ali that night.

They return, and none of them speak on it after. It takes Mehrunisa years to recognize their silent flinches, for the weeks after; it takes her even longer to find the words to apologize to them for it.

For a long time, however, Mehrunisa only looks at Ali and sees a boy cast in darkness, never given light enough to shine.)

He is Alauddin when they wed, a man grown and proven. Mehrunisa refuses to call him anything other than Ali for those first years, though, not even when he razes Devagiri: she cannot care for the man who would lay with another woman hours before he laid with her, but she can care for the boy who’d once helped her return to her rooms when the rest of the world felt all too large.

It takes her a long time to understand that Alauddin has been given light to shine, light brilliant as a sunrise, for years and years and years- but he is no moon to reflect it, nor a sun to make his own.

Alauddin is as the spaces between the stars, heavy and dank, those patches of darkness that swallow the light and never give any back for the rest of the world.

That blackness which never apologizes for itself.

...

It is not love between them, not as anyone else would name it.

She has been compared to many flowers: a lotus, a rose, the delicate petals of jasmine. But never before has Mehrunisa felt the kinship she feels when running her fingers over the thick-leafed, deep green plant that one of the vendors in the city offers her- it will blossom in darkness, the vendor promises her; it needs nothing from you, my lady, not even space, not even sunlight.

Their love of each other is like this plant, she thinks, and stores a cut of the jade plant in the folds of her gown.

Twisted and strange, thick as the plant’s leaves, awkward but present. Something that no one ever looks for, but exists nonetheless.

...

He killed him, Mahru tells her, hands trembling. I am so sorry, Nisa, but he just-

It is her wedding day, and Ali is late, and Mehrunisa is hopeful, is terrified, is slowly turning angry. Mahru is her favored lady, tall and fine-boned and pretty; Mehrunisa wonders what Ali saw in her that he could not see in Mehrunisa, and then she chokes off her unkind thoughts at the root.

Her mother guides Mahru away, gently, and Mehrunisa turns to Ali, who appears in the middle of the dance floor, golden and beautiful. There’s a man’s body cooling not a corridor away. Her husband dances, and he is beautiful, he is powerful, he has dried streaks of blood on his palms.

It is not love she feels then.

It is not hatred either, however, and she does not know what that says about her.

...

The night Ali kills her father, he comes to her bed. He does not touch her- he is careful, always, to never strike her, to never mark the skin that is his only claim to the throne apart from the edge of his sword. But he lies beside her.

When she wakes the next morning he is gone, and there are dried streaks on the sheets, as if he’d wiped at his hands, as if in the depths of the night he’d twisted desperately away from his actions.

Mehrunisa cannot believe that explanation, not even in the most hidden, most hopeful parts of her heart, not for all the love she owes her husband. She does not flinch from it, however; she is not the kind of woman to flinch, nor to weep.

(She is Jalalludin’s daughter, yes, but her mother’s more- the woman named malika, named empress of the world before even her own name, a woman who has never loved Mehrunisa as much as she’s loved the view from the curtain rising up behind her husband’s throne, from her seat that sits higher than even the king’s.)

Ali calls them to the throne room that night, and Mehrunisa goes, and she cannot help the whitening of her knuckles as she stares at her father’s head. She does not know when she returns to her rooms, nor how, only that one moment she is watching blood drip over the marble her father had once lain on, only that the next moment, she is in her rooms.

“Malika,” says one of her ladies, hesitantly, and Mehrunisa feels every muscle in her lower back seize up.

That is not my name, she wants to scream, rage and grief twining together in her throat, that is my mother’s name! Call her empress, not me, never me-

But she is empress now. Empress of the world, Malika-e-Jahan, the jewel of her husband’s crown. Her ladies cannot call her anything less without it being an insult.

“You,” says Mehrunisa, pointing to the woman who’d spoken- a small, waifish thing, better suited for gutters than palace hallways- and dismisses the rest with a flick of her wrist. “Find-” she does not know her own mother’s name, knows it only to be malika. “Find my mother,” she says instead, nails biting into her palms. “It should not be so difficult- news will have traveled to her, of my father’s death, even if she is in Debal.” Mehrunisa stares at the girl, unblinking. “When you do, you shall tell her to flee. Both of you shall flee, to Ghazni or Nishapur- do not tell me, do not decide it even, not until you are on the boat.”

The girl blinks at Mehrunisa, eyes even wider than before. Mehrunisa swallows and unwinds the chains she uses to tie off her braids.

These are old chains.

They are older than her mother’s mother’s mother’s mother, made in a time when wild horsemen rode in on the wind and stole people away to sell them to demons- the chains of a girl who survived by her wits, a girl who lived a life Mehrunisa cannot even imagine; a girl who had a daughter, and that daughter had a daughter, and that daughter had a daughter, through the deserts of Persia and through the mountains of Afghanistan and through the rivers of India- these chains have quietly passed hands from mother to daughter, a constant of the women that Mehrunisa does not even know the name of.

“Take these,” Mehrunisa orders, and the girl flinches. “Leave. Tonight, tomorrow, it matters not. Leave, and do not look behind you.” She reaches out and catches the girl’s chin. “You’ve a mother, a father?”

Slowly, the girl nods.

Mehrunisa straightens further, painfully stiff, and whispers, “I shall take care of them. Dowries for any unmarried sisters. Armor for any brothers. Burial ground for your parents, as necessary. A life of ease-”

“And all I have to do is go to Debal?”

Just a few weeks ago, Mehrunisa had visited the market in Devagiri. The day had been hot, sweat sticking to the silk along her neck; she’d felt dizzy with it and paused in shade for just a moment. She saw, there, a man playing a flute and a serpent just inches before him- swaying, slowly, as carefully as a knife through gauze. The world had felt encompassed by that motion, the pitch of the flute, the red stamped across the man’s forehead like a brand.

She feels like a snake now.

“Yes,” whispers Mehrunisa, and all but tastes the girl’s blood against her own fangs.

Then Mehrunisa turns to her balcony and flings the doors open, taking up a paring knife on the table beside her as she does- she does not look behind her, does not see what the girl does now; she considers, briefly, taking the knife to her wrists, to her throat, and then she discards it and keeps on moving. She will not give Ali the satisfaction of her death. Mehrunisa shall not give him the satisfaction of killing anyone else in her family. If he wishes to forget all traces of her father’s legacy, then he will have to take a sword to her himself.

She leans down instead, and presses the knife against the thick stem of the jade plant. It’s grown in the years since she’s wed, large and furred and ugly against the backdrop of delicate blossoms of the rest of the garden- but she’s refused to let it be touched by hands other than her own, cared for it with a deliberate, silent love she’s reserved for little else in the world.

One breath, and then two, and then Mehrunisa slashes down.

It is a death that she mourns, in the silent mulch of her garden. A death of her father, and the death of her innocence, and the death of the jade, but above all else: the death of Ali.

(“Call me your king,” he orders her, that night, dark eyes mad with lust and power, “kneel to me, wife, and bend your proud, proud head.”

Mehrunisa kisses his hand, rises to her feet and lets her lips brush the cold stone of a ring stained with her father’s blood.

“King Alauddin,” she whispers. It is enough for him.

He doesn’t notice the dirt caked under her nails, nor the tears she’s still holding back. He does not wonder that there is a knife in easy reach on the table, nor the brooch pinning her nightgown together that requires only two shrugs of her shoulder to undo, that’s sharp enough to lay open a man’s throat without much more than the flick of a wrist.

He puts a crown on her head instead.

Mehrunisa wonders if Alauddin knows that she will never forget that moment. Her nose is bruised, and her pride is bruised even further, but her father’s crown is on her head and its weight is headier than she’d ever expected.)

...

Her mother survives.

Nobody knows what an accomplishment that is, of course. Nishapur is far enough from Delhi for Alauddin to have bigger problems, and Mehrunisa never tells anyone what she has done to protect her mother.

The assassins return from Debal empty-handed, and Mehrunisa does not smile, does not smile, does not smile.

...

When Alauddin returns from his siege of Chittoor, they all- his wives, his concubines, the women of the palace- crowd against the battlements to watch. Mahru stands beside Mehrunisa, Alauddin’s second wife beside his first, as if her new quarters and new jewels will make Mehrunisa any more likely to treat her kindlier.

“He is safe,” says Mahru, in that fashion she has, where it sounds like a whisper but carries well enough for everyone to hear. “Look at him- Nisa- he’s riding his own horse-” She grabs Mehrunisa’s hand, as if the relief has robbed her of all propriety along with sense. “Oh, it is such a-”

“A relief indeed,” Mehrunisa murmurs, before letting herself lean forwards, the veils around her side whipping in the chill wind over her mouth, over the muscles that others might see move.

(A year since her father’s death. Her mother is alive, but in exile. Her brothers are imprisoned, but alive. Mehrunisa is the last of her father’s get not thrown in chains, and she is still under suspicion every moment of her life.

Mehrunisa is alive, but for how long-

She catches the thought before it grows. Some things are too dangerous to even think.)

Malik Kafur knows how dangerous she is. Of Alauddin’s three wives, Mehrunisa is the only one whose family is royalty without Alauddin. Mehrunisa is the only one of his wives with political power of her own- Mahru is ambitionless outside of the zenana, and Jhatyapali is the daughter of a man who was once king, who is now nothing but a vassal, and that shame sits heavy on the princess.

And so Mehrunisa is careful.

But she is still angry, and so she swallows, and she tips her head back, and she says, softer than the shine of sunset off a sharpened sword, “He has never given anything up in his life, and Chittoor still stands. This war is not over.”

The war is never over, Mehrunisa thinks, and wants to sob, wants to scream, with the boundless depths of her fury. The people she has paid to Alauddin’s war- they are countless, and unnecessary, and terrible. The war is never over, and I am never triumphant.

The only victor in Alauddin’s story is himself.

...

Here is another victim of this war: Ratan Singh, the sun-shouldered heir of the Raghu dynasty. Mehrunisa has never known him at the height of his glory, but she can imagine it well enough, as a lion thrown in chains yet recalls the majesty of his first hunt. Sometimes this feels like the entirety of Mehrunisa’s life: never knowing the heights of a being’s life, only the darkest, dimmest parts.

Only things to be ashamed of.

But she enters the dungeons anyhow, and when the guards hesitate she lifts her chin proudly. I am a queen, she doesn’t need to say. Malika-e-Jahan. Refuse me at your peril.

Within, Ratan Singh is chained, arms pulled up and back at an angle that looks painful. Mehrunisa steps forwards swiftly and unlocks the doors. Then she hesitates, because she does not have water, because she is not foolish enough to unleash a lion on herself without bars to hold it back.

The question now, is that of whether Ratan Singh is a lion or not.

The question now, is how much treason Mehrunisa is willing to bring down on her head.

“Maharawal Ratan Singh,” she says, for sheer lack of anything else, just loud enough to be heard by him and not by the guards she’s dismissed to the entrance.

His head lifts.

He is a handsome enough man, with clear features and bright eyes- but Mehrunisa has known many handsome men in her life, and there is something different in Ratan Singh’s eyes than any other. Kindness, perhaps; kindness, and sadness, and pride, an amalgam that leaves her throat tight against her grief.

“Begum,” he says. There is no anger in his voice, and it is that which makes her swallow.

“I wished to see,” she says, haltingly, feeling a girl once more rather than the sole woman left of a king’s entire family, “-I’ve heard tales, Maharawal, and they all name you- honorable. Beyond all means.”

"I’ve striven for that,” says Ratan Singh, slowly.

Mehrunisa swallows. “They also name you trusting.”

“Is that a fault?”

She averts her face. Oh, in another life- in another court, wedded to another man- Mehrunisa might have a different answer. But she is Alauddin Khilji’s first wife, the Delhi princess who became queen, empress of the world, and there is only one way for her to answer truthfully.

She turns on her heel and leaves instead.

...

She returns the next day, and the day after, and the day after that, too. It aches in her- he is so good, it shines from him even in this dusty, dank dungeon; and Mehrunisa is not. But she is as a moth to the lamp: caught, wings aflame, and still straining closer, still burning alive.

...

The best love stories are tragedies.

The brightest lives are the shortest.

Mehrunisa mourns, for every day that she speaks to Maharawal Ratan Singh, and she doesn’t even know why.

...

(Mehrunisa knows. Of all the wives of Delhi sultans, of all those who held the title malika, of every woman caught between her blood and her love- Mehrunisa knows this pain, this quiet, flaming sureness. Death circles all those that she admires. Death circles, and its name is Khilji.)

...

It is for this knowledge that Mehrunisa welcomes Padmavati. That she remains calm. And Padmavati is beautiful- Mehrunisa can see why kings would battle for her, why Alauddin would rather ruin his own kingdom than let her remain wed to another. But she is beautiful in the fashion of a wild thing.

Not an animal.

Nothing so simple.

Padmavati is lovely like the bladed curve of a sunrise before battle. Like a rainstorm, so heavy it drowns everything, carves canyons, shatters cities. Like something whirling and scraping and furious.

Mehrunisa tasted the bruises of a crown when her father died. She let Alauddin taunt her; she’s watched him kill her family one by one, and she’s remained silent. She’s remained a specter. She has accepted it, because she will survive it. Because she must.

But if Alauddin dares to touch Padmavati after taking Ratan Singh from her- if he even manages it- Mehrunisa thinks the heavens themselves will carve him open.

(No. Not the heavens. Just the rage of an earthly woman, who has never known not to be sharper than a honed edge.)

...

“Take me to him,” says Ratan Singh, bruised, bloodied, dirt smeared across his chest, anger still thrumming in him. “Take me to your husband.”

If he kills him-

Widows hold little power, thinks Mehrunisa. Widows hold so little power. She is the daughter of kings; how will she survive that life?

But she has seen how the lotus shines when blood lands on it. Mehrunisa has seen how the leaf will wash off the blood at the first rains, and still unfurl the morning after with dogged determination. A lotus exists for nothing but its own survival and its own beauty.

Widows hold little power in her country, but they hold control over their own lives.

“Follow me,” she says, and commits to this, the last in a very long line of treachery stringing back to the night of her wedding.

...

Alauddin sentences her to the dungeons which is a better ending than she had hoped for in the darkest depths of her musings; but it isn’t as if she’s fooling herself: he is going to Chittoor, and he will either find Padmavati or he will return empty-handed or he will die.

Mehrunisa cannot hope for his death. She cannot. She is hollowed out inside; she is cored and scored and slashed apart for her love of him. But she cannot sit there in that darkness and hope for her husband’s death, no matter if he deserves it. She has cursed him, too, now, for the first time in all their marriage, and there is a power in the words of a faithful wife.

(And she is faithful, has always been so, even terrified, even horrified, even shattered with all these years of pain and grief and rage.)

So he will not find Padmavati.

If he returns to Chittoor without her, he will kill Mehrunisa.

His rage will not be in control then, and it will have the benefit of the long march back from Chittoor to Delhi to simmer and gain a name. She is doubly certain that Malik Kafur will aim and sharpen that rage in her name.

Mehrunisa kneels on the cold stone of the dungeon she’d once been on the other side of, knees aching. Her wrists tremble and shake, but she holds them in front of her. Breathes out into cupped palms. She is alive. She is alive, and when she dies she will die with her head held high, with the dignity of her forefathers.

She does not pray for a lease on life. She does not pray for Alauddin’s safe return. She does not pray for anything but for the throbbing ache of her mind, for the all-consuming need in every limb, in every organ, in every inch of her twisted-up convoluted veins.

Mehrunisa kneels in darkness, and she prays for deliverance.

...

It comes in the form of the girl Mehrunisa had sent to her mother. The girl’s grown her hair out; it sways behind her like a thick, coiled snake. Mehrunisa blinks, weaving, and she says, through the metallic clink of a key, “Empress,” with enough fierceness that Mehrunisa straightens almost automatically, reaches out, catches her hands.

“My mother,” she whispers.

“She is fine,” says the girl. “But you- oh, Malika, your mother had a premonition months ago. She said you would need me. But not like this! Never, not in my wildest dreams, did I imagine they would dare to imprison you like this-”

“What are you doing?”

The girl blinks at you, as if startled, but she is doing something. Her fingers have unlocked the first set of chains, and are halfway through the second.

“Rescuing you,” she says.

“I do not need rescuing,” says Mehrunisa sharply.

“Your mother wishes you saved,” says the girl, and she looks like she wishes she didn’t have to be the obstinate one- but then, oh, Mehrunisa’s mother has sent her to save Mehrunisa, and for all that Mehrunisa has been in her life, for all that she has done and had, she has never commanded the loyalties of people with the ease of her mother.

“We will not manage,” Mehrunisa tells her, but she allows the girl to undo the chains around her ankles anyhow. “The guards-”

“The guards will not notice two women going to the market,” says the girl. She smiles, suddenly, transforming her face into something unrecognizable. “They never do.”

Mehrunisa takes the black cloth she’s offered and weaves it around her hair, covers the scant jewelry Alauddin’s left her with so she looks like just another washer-woman disappearing to the city. The cloth is heavy on her skin. Yet another disguise.

(Sometimes she thinks- under all of her masks and fears and duties, what is she? Who has she become?)

“My son?” asks Mehrunisa instead.

The girl frowns. “Will he need help as well?”

But Mehrunisa’s son is grown, and if she takes him with her, she’ll make him an enemy just as much as she’s made herself Alauddin’s enemy. Better to leave him here, in a viper’s nest, unremarkable as the stone on which a viper will sleep during the day.

“No,” says Mehrunisa. “No.” She turns, though, and unwinds a bell from her hair, and leaves it in the middle of her cell for him- Mubarak will know it, if he sees it. Then she returns to the girl. Breathes out, and exhales all her fears with it. “Let’s go, then.”

...

“Mehrunisa!” cries her mother, running down the courtyard, arms outstretched.

Mehrunisa, startled, almost topples over, straight into her arms. But she manages to get her feet under her as she slips off the camel, and the hot sun above her feels like a shawl around her shoulders, and when she embraces her mother, she feels something soften and bend within her ribcage that she hasn’t ever felt soften before.

“Oh, darling girl,” whispers her mother, smoothing the hair away from her face and drawing Mehrunisa into her home. “How I’ve missed you.”

Mehrunisa breathes deep. She’s the last surviving daughter of her mother and her father; the last surviving child. She’s done her duty. She’s always done that. But the shame of leaving her husband- of abandoning him, of treachery-

“We’ve all done things we’re ashamed of,” her mother says. Tips her chin up, so Mehrunisa can look into dark, gleaming eyes. Once, years and years ago, her mother’s seat had stood higher than even the king’s. Mehrunisa knows no name for her other than Malika, the title she’s taken herself. “But you survived, little one, sweet love. And that matters. That means that you can change things. Make things better.”

“I left Mubarak behind. Alone.”

“As I left you,” says her mother. Her fingers are gentle, now, here; after the end of their world, when before she’d never been soft, as if to be soft were to be weak. “But we empresses- we must save ourselves, because there is nobody who shall help us. You understand that now, I think, Mehrunisa.”

Mehrunisa closes her eyes, swallows. “Yes,” she murmurs. “I do.”

...

The years pass quietly, peacefully. Mehrunisa learns to weave to pass the time, and though she is not good enough to sell anything, she enjoys decorating her rooms with heavy woolen tapestries like she’s a princess once more, demanding luxury and decadence. With her mother, she goes to some poetry-reading concerts; she reads her mother’s correspondence, averts her face when she hears about Alauddin’s exploits and Malik Kafur’s ascendancy in court, helps some sheep herders fight their tax case against their provincial lord. It’s a simple life; it’s a busy life. Mehrunisa enjoys it, even if she hadn’t ever considered it for herself before.

...

When she hears of Alauddin’s extended convalescency, Mehrunisa tells her mother. It takes some time, of course, to build an army; to gather a group of loyal men. But she knows, down deep in her bones, that this will be different. That this will be successful.

(So many years she has been with Alauddin, tied together like the fur of a jade plant, like a vine on a tree. Through the love and the hate, she’s tied herself to him, and she knows: he will not survive this time.)

Alauddin has killed her father and her brothers. He has tried to kill her mother. He has humiliated Mehrunisa, time and time and time again.

Now, at the end of it all, she will have her vengeance: for Mubarak will need help to survive Malik Kafur.

Mehrunisa will give it to him. She will ensure that justice is done, and with that justice she will have her vengeance: Alauddin’s eldest son, her son, will sit on the throne. Her father’s blood will again rule Delhi, the blood that Alauddin so desperately tried to stamp out.

...

It is not a large army she gathers, but a small one; a loyal one. They are in the desert, and she is asleep when something wakes her. There is a warmth across from her- at the other end of the tent- not comforting but sharp, like an open flame too close to her palm. Wakefulness steals across her heart, twined, inseparable, from grief.

Mehrunisa stumbles out of the tent. Drops to her knees in the sand, eyes streaming, and prostrates herself to Allah, who has given her what she never asked.

“My lady,” calls a commander, approaching. He is pale-faced, and holds a crumpled scroll in one fist. “There is news from Delhi.”

“Yes,” says Mehrunisa, eyes closing. “I know.”

Alauddin is dead. For the first night, the stars she sees will not be seen by her husband. Alauddin is dead, and Mehrunisa loves him still, and she lets that knowledge tear her open. Alauddin is dead, and Mehrunisa’s son still lives, and she lets that knowledge sew her together once more. She is not just Alauddin’s wife.

She is an empress, Malika-i-Jahan, and she has a son to save.

“Tell the men,” she says, drawing herself up. “We ride at dawn. We have a new emperor to crown.”

#padmaavat #mehrunisa #my bangles are stronger than your swords #this is... an interesting character study!#i love her and her scorned furious pride so vv much!!!#my writing

25 notes · View notes

venus-says · 5 years ago

Text

Symphogear AXZ Episodes 01-04

One day, I’m sure we’ll know true strength.

Starting the engines for the final part of this marathon!

Like I said yesterday, I’m super excited about these next few days because from here on now everything will be new content to me, I didn’t check anything about AXZ since 2017, neither have seen anything about XV this year, so except for their posters I’m going totally blind on this and I’m loving every second of it, I feel like a child discovering new thing about the word. I can’t wait to see what this season has in store for me.

So without any further ado, let’s get going!

Croitzal ronzell Gungnir zizzl

So Episode 01 starts very interestingly. At first, I was pretty shocked with seeing the girls going on a military mission using their gears, it seemed very odd considering how reluctant Hibiki is about using her powers on other humans, but then it comes the twist and the military are somehow using alca-noises and that’s when shit goes down and this episode already won me over.

You see, Magical Girls who fight against the evil humankind do to ourselves is my perfect dream as a pitch for a show, yes I love my regular Mahou Shoujo stuff and I don’t see any problems on it but since “dark Mahou Shoujo” is a thing this is what I wanted to the most. And I got a little bit of that in here! And I’m very happy about it.

And even without this element, this is still a pretty badass fight with everything that it has going on for it. Like Hibiki stopping the shoot of a tank, and the way she completely destroyed another tank with her hands, how cool is that???? And Tsubasa’s sword getting gigantic and slashing that big ass air fortress in a single swing like if she was cutting butter? And Chris flying on top of the helicopter like a boss??? Even Maria, Kirika and Shirabe who didn’t do that much fight were pretty cool in here as well. I dare to say, this was the best initial fight we had since when G started this trend. Like c’ mon this one was just amazing.

I also like that they let the action play out smoothly first to just give us a roundabout of everything that was going on in a flashback afterward, it makes for a more dynamic episode imo. I like the concept of the Bavarian illuminatti, having a villain or a secret organization behind events from past seasons can be very good if it's worked properly, my only problem with is that I think it would be more interesting to see this in the final season and use this to tie in any plot point that may be loose from the past seasons, but I still like the concept and I’m open-minded to what they can do in this season.

And since we’re talking about the villains we get to see some of them this episode and for what was shown I think I like them? The only thing that makes me step back from having a final decision is that it seems that one of the girls is supposed to be trans, and it seems that she is the most sexualized from the group and I don’t know if that’s the best way to portrait the character...? Now I may be wrong, maybe she’s a biological woman, but I’m pretty sure her voice actor is a man and I don’t see why they would make this decision unless they were trying to make this very clear and... ugh. I just hope they’ll handle this in a proper way, I'm very doubtful, but if they manage to make her at least decent I’ll be happy with it.

Before moving to the next episode I have three questions: 1, how much time has passed from GX to AXZ?; 2, why is LiNKER still a problem? I thought the chip Ver gave to Maria was to fix this problem; and 3, is the Magical Girl Incident the name they gave for the events from last season or is this a whole new thing that happened in between? I hope we get some answers from here on now.

So before getting into episode 2 let’s give some appreciation to the new opening and ending. While I don’t really like the song the scenes playing in the opening are just amazing, even though we get some minor spoilers from there I still quite like it, my favorite moments are Hibiki, Shirabe and Maria in the training montage, they’re just too good. About the ending, while the pictures in there are nothing that special this probably my favorite ending so far.

Now to the episode itself. To starters let me leave my ode to Maria in this episode. Even though she herself hasn’t snagged any victory in this episode she still shone like no other. Her new song was great and she was amazing in her battles, especially in the second one, she was brilliant. And also that moment of her with Elfnein was just so adorable. Best girl.

The other battle of this episode was pretty interesting as well. I believe this is the first time we see a symphogear hurting a civilian and it’s quite shocking. I don’t necessarily know if shooting the boy’s leg was really the only way to save him but regardless of it is still a pretty interest conflict to develop. Now, I do think that making the boy the brother of someone who we’ve never seen before and that has a very complicated relationship with Chris was a bit too much, but I’m interested to see what comes out from it.

The backstory of the Illuminati is quite interesting as well, but they’ve shown that to us in the most boring way ever, and also I don’t like how Saint-Germain's (that’s her name right?) speech is so out of place in that situation. Like, you’re with two comrades that are on your side and probably already know the history, making her state that in that moment is just off. Just like that weird relic, which I have many questions about but I know they’ll explain it later (at least I hope so).

Episode 3 is probably the worst one of this batch. It does some nice things like giving more information about the Illuminati, I’m particularly curious about this new autoscorer and it’s weird resemblance to Hibiki, Maria and Tsubasa escape from the noise attack is also pretty good, and in the second fight, we get probably one of the cooler attacks we’ve seen so far. But that’s pretty much it and this isn’t enough to hold this episode against the bad things it has going on.

This episode starts very off and the ending of the fight that started on the last one was very anticlimactic. Then we have the big boss of this season saying to destroy the gears when this was something GX has already done. We get a boring part that was all just exposition about the gears. And the most boring part was all that technical talk about the subspace pocket that just made me confused as hell. Also, just episode 3 and we’re already over-dependant of the ignite module as it seems... I hope this doesn’t mean another mechanic that’ll make this one (THAT IS DANGEROUS ENOUGH ALREADY) obsolete and banalize another mortal thing.

I wish they’ve done more with Chris struggle more than just mention it and not really dig on it, maybe this would balance things out a little and make this episode less frustrating. Sadly that wasn’t the case so I’ll just move on before I fall asleep and don’t finish this post in time.

I’ve said 3 was the worst, but actually, thinking about it now, episode 4 is probably the worst.

How to begin this one?

For starters, what the hell was the writing team thinking when they just explicitly told that using condoms isn’t good????????? Like, I understand y’all are trying to make people fuck so the birth-rate can rise again BUT HAVE CONSCIOUS ABOUT THIS THING YOU DUMBASSES, CONDOMS DO MORE THAN JUST PREVENT CHILDREN YOU FUCKS. Gosh, I’m so mad at this I just wanna kick some people in the balls.

Then we have that Cagliostro fight THAT SERVES NO PURPOSE AT ALL. She basically just got kicked in the ass and neither sides got anything from it. It was such a waste of time, and they even managed to revert Chris to the “let everything to me, I can handle it” bullshit that pissed me off last season, I thought we were over this by this point.

And don’t you look at that, in the second fight the Ignite Module doesn’t work anymore, and suddenly the girls are way weaker than the enemies, and now Elfneim will have to spend time trying to make something THAT IS ABLE TO STAND AGAINST NUCLEAR FUSION instead of making LiNKER so the whole team can fight this treat together.

You know, I was excited about the Faust Robe thing, I liked Carol’s last season, why wouldn’t I like it now? WELL, I’M NOT GONNA LIKE THIS SHIT NOW BECAUSE THEY’RE USING IT AS SOMETHING SO OVERPOWERED THAT A FINAL BOSS COULD BE USING IN THE CLIMAX OF THE SEASON, IS LIKE TRYING TO BEAT THE POKÉMON LEAGUE WITH A MAGIKARP THAT ONLY KNOWS SPLASH. FOR GOD’S SAKE.

At least the guy gets naked when he’s practically making a small sun on his hand, I think I’d be even more upset if they didn’t, seeing how they don’t think twice before sexualizing any of the girls. So I guess that’s a positive.

The ex-FIS team also did pretty well this time, probably the only time I wasn’t scratching my head or upset at this one.

I kinda want to continue watching so that I won’t go to sleep with such a bitter taste in my mouth, but I’m sleep depraved and I need my bed more than anything right now so I’ll be going.

I wonder if I bite my hand I’ll get some sweetness from it since humans are kinda like the tomatoes from that old woman? 🤔

#Senki Zesshou Symphogear AXZ #Symphogear AXZ #symphogear

2 notes · View notes

zdbztumble · 6 years ago

Text

Botching Backwards and Forwards, Or: Today’s KH Ramble, Part I

As I play through KH III, I’ve also been catching up with the series by watching the Let’s Plays of the other games done by Team Four Star. Because they didn’t play through Coded and only watched the cutscenes from 358/2 Days, that means that there’s only one game on their playlist that I haven’t played myself, that game being Dream Drop Distance. From what I can tell, its gameplay operates on a similar mechanic to Birth by Sleep, which I enjoyed quite a bit. I frankly prefer the Command Decks to what we have in the console games. DDD making levels out of some left-field choices in Disney worlds was a pleasant surprise too. For the Fantasia world alone, I’ll have to consider picking DDD up when I’m not facing a month of utter financial ruin.

And yet, between the two of them, BbS and DDD are responsible for nearly everything wrong with the story of Kingdom Hearts up to this point IMO. Coded got the ball rolling by opening back up a story that had already been satisfyingly ended in KH II, but these two titles do the bulk of the damage to a series that, up to that point, had handled its story pretty well.

Starting with BbS, I freely admit that some of my issues with it boil down to a matter of preference. Turning the Keyblade into a (once) fairly common weapon with many wielders, with a history detailing a great Keyblade War and a test for a Mark of Mastery...all of that wasn’t to my taste, but I can’t say that there’s anything in principle wrong with it. It isn’t necessarily out of place for this series, and the one major wrinkle in continuity it causes (Keyblades choosing wielders) could be squared fairly easily. A prequel focusing on hitherto unmentioned characters rather than the series protagonists isn’t an inherently wrong choice either, though I’ll have more to say about that in Part II of this rant. That I don’t find Terra, Ven, or Aqua terribly interesting as characters is mostly a matter of preference as well, though I do think Terra’s descent into the darkness relies too much on sheer idiocy, and I will admit that Aqua is possibly the most fun player character in this series with her plethora of magic spells. But where I more seriously fault BbS (and Coded, for opening this door) is in its changes to Xehanort’s plots and backstory, and in undermining one of the best thematic ideas from the original Kingdom Hearts game.

"Ansem” turning out to be the true villain of KH I after two-thirds of the gameplay pass under the assumption that it’s the confederation of Disney villains was an effective twist that let an original character, more comfortably of the Square Enix half of the crossover, shine. “Ansem” turning out to be Xehanort the renegade apprentice, with his Nobody Xemnas the leader of Organization XIII, was hardly the most organic twist in the world; I don’t think anyone would go back to KH I and say “oh, it was so obvious, how did I not see it before?” But it made for another genuinely surprising twist in KH II. A villain can only have so many twists and secret plans, however, before effective surprises become cheap gimmicks, and any ability to take their current scheme seriously evaporates.

The revelation that Xehanort is in fact a transparently evil old man who, years before any of the events that led to KH I, plotted to synthesize a X-Blade and bring about a second Keyblade War (with less than ten combatants, so it’d be more of a Keyblade Skirmish) in what basically amounts to a mad scientist’s scheme in fantasy genre clothing, was the breaking point for me. This is a common trap of both prequels and conventional sequels; trying to tie too many things into a small group of characters, or in this case, a single character. Making Xehanort into a villain that spans multiple generations, the man who set into motion everything that preceded KH I and is indirectly responsible for Sora, Kairi, and Riku becoming Keyblade Wielders, can seem like an expansion of the universe on paper, but in execution, it’s a contraction. It reduces too many events down to factors in a single character’s actions. The fact that his scheme is no more coherent than those from KH I and II doesn’t help, nor does the fact that the storyline that most directly leads into Xehanort’s role in those games - Terra’s - is so transparently ripped from Revenge of the Sith.

But Xehanort’s abrupt reentry into the story isn’t truly maddening - not in BbS, at least. For me, the worst part of the BbS story is how it retroactively changes Sora’s. I’d go so far as to say that BbS is to Sora what Dragon Ball: Minus is to Bardock and Goku.

Don’t misunderstand me on that point: BbS is nowhere near as bad a game as Dragon Ball: Minus is a comic. What I mean by that is: prior to Dragon Ball: Minus, most people took Bardock: the Father of Goku to be canon. And, in that TV special, the history given to Goku, derived from what was said in the manga at the time, was that he was of no account by the standards of Saiyan society. He was a no-account spawn of a low-class warrior, sent off to a far-flung planet to clear out its worthless inhabitants. That low-class warrior who fathered him was as ruthless and mercenary as any typical Saiyan, and while he was stronger than the average low-class fighter and was given psychic insight into the fate of his people, Bardock was ultimately just another Saiyan doomed to die and be forgotten by time. Nothing in Goku’s origins is special or fated, which makes his accidental amnesia and eventual surpassing of Vegeta, the supposed Saiyan ideal, more remarkable. By transforming Bardock into a more tamed Saiyan with a close familial bond to his mate, who sends his son to Earth for safety in a blatant rip-off of Superman’s origins, Goku and Bardock both become too special, Goku’s turning into a kind-hearted child becomes too telegraphed, and their stories become too beholden to “chosen one” cliches.

And that is what BbS does to Sora, Riku, and to a lesser extent Kairi. That all three of them just happen, in their childhoods, to have had contact with Keyblade Wielders who left a personal mark upon them - and, in Sora’s case, literally took up residence inside him - is just too pat. It makes the three of them ending up with Keyblades too easy, too predestined. This hurts all three of them, but Sora most of all. Ven looking like Roxas and Vanitas looking like Sora, is a massive headache (and yes, I’m aware that there is at least some explanation of that), but the big loss is in the thematic content of the story, and there is where the comparisons to Dragon Ball: Minus really come into play.

Like a pre-Minus Goku, pre-BbS Sora is not special, in any way, at the start of KH I. He’s an ordinary young teen, plucky and affable and just a bit lazy, with a burgeoning quasi-romantic interest in his friend Kairi and an in-all-things rivalry with his best friend Riku. Compared to Riku, Sora comes up short in pretty much every area. Riku, at first glance, is faster, stronger, smarter, more dedicated, more fearless, and more capable. If you were going to choose one of those two to be the fated hero wielding a magic blade to save the worlds from darkness, Riku’s the better candidate by every metric, on paper. And, in fact, the Keyblade does choose Riku. The whole “chosen one” cliche is subverted in KH I in a brilliant way by essentially having destiny make the wrong choice. That Sora only gets the Keyblade by accident, loses it to its intended master, but quickly reclaims it on the strength of his accomplishments and his purity - that he earns it - is one of my favorite things in this entire series, and is a wonderful thematic idea and moral. Giving Sora and Riku both a fated “touched by a master” backstory kills so much of that idea, and it’s enough to make me wish that there was no BbS, as fun as the gameplay can be.

Ironically, DDD tries to have its cake and eat it too by playing up the fact that Sora wasn’t chosen by the Keyblade, but the damage was done by that point. And DDD further undermines that initial concept in the way it writes Sora, and his relationship with Riku. For one thing, Sora in DDD seems so much dumber than he was in previous games. Up to that point, he’d been written as an upbeat young teen, possessed of a certain level of immaturity and naivete, but always determined to help save the day, and more than capable of getting serious when needed. DDD abruptly starts to portray him as more of a doofy shonen hero, without any clear motivation and to no real purpose. It also introduces the idea that the central dynamic in Sora and Riku’s friendship is that Sora lifts Riku’s spirits while Riku takes up the slack from Sora’s sloppiness and carelessness. I have a real problem with that presentation, because it just isn’t true.

If you go back and look at KH I, those early Destiny Islands scenes set Sora up as the underdog to Riku’s Big Man on Campus. Riku jokes that he’s the only one working on the raft, and Kairi remarks that “he’s changed,” but he doesn’t come off as someone needing to perk up. And with one of the first challenges of the game being Sora gathering raft supplies, it doesn’t seem that Riku needs to take up that much slack either. In any event, over the course of KH I, Riku’s the one who drops the slack and falls into darkness, with Sora literally having to stop him from doing horrible things. And it’s Sora who continues on through CoM and KH II, saving the worlds. While Riku does appear here and there to aid Sora, his aid doesn’t come in the form of “taking up slack” or cleaning up after messes Sora leaves; Sora, Donald, and Goofy are still able to save the day by their own skill in each world. This whole notion, and Sora’s more dim-witted persona, seem invented, if not from whole cloth, then from very little that was previously established.

And again, there doesn’t seem to be a clear motive, unless it’s to highlight the differences between Sora and Riku and give more justification to Riku getting the Mark of Mastery when Sora wasn’t. But the writing doesn’t give a coherent through-line to that idea, nor does it sufficiently justify Sora not becoming a Master. Had the game actively told a story of turning the tables, and made a point to stress the idea that Riku’s fully reformed and that Sora was slipping up, then I’d be more forgiving (even if I still wouldn’t like the idea), but the work just isn’t there.

I’ll admit that there’s a certain amount of bias in my assessment; I’ve never liked Riku as a character. As a teen playing KH I for the first time, I found it easy to project my dislike of certain people IRL onto him, and in the years since, I’ve continued to find that the manner of his turn to darkness in KH I makes it very hard to accept him back into the fold with Sora and the others. He’s also a lousy player character in Reverse/Rebirth and in KH III IMO. But I accept that he’s the deuteragonist, and that his story since KH I has been one of redemption. In principle, a game that builds him up as a character and lets him save the day is fine. But the manner in which it was done in DDD was all wrong. And to an extent, the changes made to his and Sora’s friendship, and to Sora’s personality, have all carried over into KH III, which is even more frustrating.

And, speaking of things carried over...DDD is where Xehanort gets completely ridiculous IMO. Having pulled a third twist that he was actually an ancient Keyblade Master seeking to provoke a war, now there’s a fourth twist where his younger self has been traveling through time (by ridiculous means) to ensure that the fifth twist - that all that business about Nobodies having no hearts was a lie, and that the real Organization XIII exists to create thirteen Horcruxes vessels for Xehanort’s heart, so that there can be thirteen darknesses to face the seven lights in the Keyblade War (which still seems short of the numbers you’d need for an actual war, but whatever). The whole business about “recompletion” allowing an original person to revive if their Heartless and Nobody are destroyed is already enough of a contrivance to bring the original Xehanort back, but time travel and heart-splitting is even more absurd. And I still haven’t been able to figure out how “Ansem” and Xemnas can be back in action, even with the time travel aspect.

Recompletion also means that DDD brings back the rest of Organization XIII. I consider nearly all of them to be glorified henchmen, possessed of a gimmick for combat and a single personality trait at best, so their revival - and their cameos in BbS - do nothing for me. A big exception to that is Axel, but if I don’t care much for Riku, I can’t stand Axel. He comes off as what an “edgy” teenage writer would come up with for a “cool” character in a bad first stab at fiction. From his character design to his abused catchphrase, everything about him pisses me off. His one saving grace in KH II was that he sacrifices himself, and nothing undermines a sacrifice like a contrived way around death. That he’s become a Keyblade Wielder, and one of the Seven Guardians of Light, is ridiculous to me, and I’m not sure if I can think of a more blatant example of a writer’s pet character being so inorganically shoved to the forefront of a story that supposedly isn’t about them.

DDD also started to open the door to the possibility of Roxas and Namine being restored. That idea is less annoying to me than any of these others, but it’s still a mistake IMO. That Roxas and Namine both ultimately elect to give up their lives as individuals to return Sora and Kairi to their full selves, accepting their fate so that others can live more fully, is a bittersweet and touching concept, and one that lets “death” have some real consequences and the happy ending of KH II come with a price. I hate seeing that undermined, and I’m frankly frustrated by how much of KH III’s front half involved chatter about Roxas.

And speaking of KH III...that’s where Part II comes in.

ADDENDUM: Another thing about DDD that I feel undermines Sora is that, while writing him dumber, the game also hypes him up more than he ever was in the past. It’s the same problem as Harry Potter; for all that series’ virtues, constantly pointing out how special Harry is can end up taking away from his character by making his unique traits too ubiquitous. Other characters constantly pointing out how kind and loving and easy to bond with Sora is undermines that trait by over-playing it and turning it into an exercise in “tell, don’t show.”

#critique #commentary #kingdom hearts #birth by sleep #dream drop distance #disney #z's crits

11 notes · View notes

yammineyammine · 6 years ago

Text

Yammine: Fully Legal B5 Audi RS4 For Sale in the US! – Nick’s Car Blog

My good friends at AZ Euros have always been heavily involved in the B5 community, branding themselves the #B5Ninjas early on and building their co-owner Christian’s Nogaro Blue B5 into an absolute monster with a 3 liter stroker big turbo build that has been known to beat exotic cars at airstrip drag races…but they’ve outdone themselves once again, legally importing and federalizing a real, legitimate B5 RS4 with a clean and clear title registered in Arizona. This unicorn is listed for sale on their website, and serious buyers are encouraged to reach out to them if interested. This Brilliant Black B5 RS4 is just under 62k miles on the odometer and sports a few tasteful upgrades including a catback exhaust, 19″ BBS wheels, and B7 RS4 brakes.

There are only a few dozen people in the US who have converted S4s into RS4 bodies (which is undoubtedly an impressive feat) but the number of real RS4s in America is so few you can count them on two hands, possibly one…and this particular unicorn is for sale. In my years as an Audi fan and blogger, I can only recall one or two others being for sale in the last decade or so. The price tag isn’t cheap at $75,000 USD, but the opportunity to own a car that is this incredibly rare justifies the price point and will undoubtedly find a buyer. The other US legal B5 RS4s I could find were priced around the same, with one back in 2015 listed for $75K so I think they’re spot-on with the pricing. I’m sure there will be plenty out there who says its too much for such an old car, but if you think of how much air-cooled Porsches have appreciated in value, or even M Coupes (which if you’ve ever driven one, is not a very nice or impressive vehicle outside of its unique exterior design but I digress), then paying a premium for a car that is this rare, beautiful, and fun to drive is not only rational, but a pretty darn good idea for a collector or well heeled enthusiast.

Who are these heroes that imported and went through the tedious, expensive, and painful progress of bringing a B5 RS4 to America you ask? Well, back in 2013, Christian and Chad started AZ Euros. They had known each other for only a few months but they had the same interests in Audis, and in particular the Avant, so needless to say they both have great taste. AZ Euros was jumpstarted by Christians knowledge of the 2.7T and his big turbo Nogaro Blue B5 S4 Avant build, and they started to buy and sell B5 S4s like crazy given their knowledge of the platform. As any Audi Enthusiast, naturally Christian and Chad lusted after the B5 RS4 that couldn’t be had in America. They read all the forums and saw everyone’s opinion on how it could be done, but soon found out that it wasn’t as easy as the internet said. It took years to obtain a Registered Importer license, but at last they prevailed in getting this first step of the long journey complete…but this story is far from over there.

Next, Chad and Christian discovered a B5 RS4 in Canada that was for sale. As you may or may not know, Canada has a 15 year rule vs. the US 25 year rule, so they are able to import the B5 RS4 and drive them in Canada much sooner than we can, but even in CA they are very rare. Unfortunately, it is not any easier importing a gray market RS4 through Canada than anywhere else. Christian put a deposit on an Avus Silver RS4 and had to place it in storage for about 7 or 8 months in Canada while the importing process and logistics took place. Fast forward 8 months later and they identify a Black B5 RS4 that is also for sale, so they did what any sane person would do in this situation and bought them both! All told, they spent months and months, and thousand and thousands of dollars, certifying and modifying all the safety requriements to make the cars US Legal. Because the RS4 wasn’t sold in America, they had to pay an EPA testing center even more money after they crossed the border to test each gray market car that came in. Ultimately it was a lot of time and money to be able to federalize these cars, but the juice was worth the squeeze.

For those who think the price, time, and headaches involved in importing a B5 RS4 isn’t worth it when you could convert a regular B5 S4 Avant instead, here’s some food for thought. Buying a good, low mileage B5 S4 Avant will set you back $12-15k. Importing the body panels and doing all of the bodywork and fabrication to convert the exterior appearance alone is another $20-30k on the conservative end. Import the seats and other interior bits and you’re adding another $5-10k to the price; and you still haven’t touched the suspension or engine. The B5 RS4 engine has different heads, K04 turbos, better intercoolers, and a ton of other parts to bring a factory reliable & conservative 380 bhp, which would add another $5-10k to your build to do a similar big turbo build. Heck, just buying two K04 turbos from a site like Jegs will set you back nearly $2,500, and that’s just one small component of a big turbo build. All told you’ve easily got $50K or more into a proper conversion car, and it’s still only a replica at best and never have near the quality of bodywork or reliability that comes from the factory. According to the #B5Ninjas “Until you’ve driven one, there is no comparison; the RS4 avant is 10 times better of a vehicle” and that’s coming from guys who have built and driven tons of big turbo B5 S4 Avants.

Personally, this is one of my dream cars and makes me wish I had the garage space and funds to make it happen. I think it would be difficult to daily drive it as I’d be too afraid of it getting dinged, hit, or otherwise damaged through the rigors of commuting, so it would need to be a third car for the right buyer IMO. Ultimately the right person could buy this, drive and enjoy it for several years, and likely sell it for what they had in it (if not more) as there is unlikely to be many more of these to be found for quite some time in the US, and our cars start to get more electric and computer driven, the market for a true enthusiast vehicle like the RS4 will only get stronger. Maybe I’m just trying to talk myself into it, but this sounds like a much more enjoyable investment strategy than an S&P500 index fund!

AZ Euros plans to bring in more gray market imports, so hit them up if you have a project in mind. A big thanks to Chad for sharing the background on this vehicle with me, and @n8tar on IG for the photos.

Find your next Audi using Nick’s Car Blog partner AutoTempest.com:

View Source

Ver Fuente

#Yammine

0 notes