#this is inspired by an ask but like yeah. aro people can do that!
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raavenb2619 · 2 months ago
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Can you talk more about aromanticism in Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep :o But yeah as someone who read the book before watching the movie, I thought it was weird they didn't include how animals were super important in the world as a sign of empathy and showing empathy was a status symbol.
Yes, I would love to talk more about this! I have a bunch of incomplete thoughts rattling around in my brain about Blade Runner and Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep, including about the interesting parts of the book that were cut, like Mercerism, the importance of animals, the empathy boxes, the emotion dialing machines, the spider scene, the other police department, the use and non-use of the empathy test, the fact that multiple androids can share the same face, and the narrative/story treatment of Rachel. I'd like to organize and share my thoughts with other people, but first: I need to watch Blade Runner 2049 because I've heard it's got things for me to analyze, compare, and contrast with the original film and the novel; then I need to decide how many versions of the original film I need to watch and analyze (so far I've only seen The Final Cut, which seems to be the version most people like and recommend, but I think that having Deckard narrate sections could change the worldbuilding and potentially add roboticism that I felt was lacking in The Final Cut); then I probably need to spend some time piecing my ideas together into something coherent that other people can read and understand, but then I'd love to publish my thoughts (probably as an essay on Wordpress, though maybe something a bit more informal) and let people read it and have a conversation about it.
How long will that take? I don't really know. My Frozen essay took four months; DADoES + BR + BR 2049 might take longer because there's more material to analyze. But by asking for my thoughts, you've somehow given me the motivation and inspiration to actually write something about this. (So, thank you for that :).) I'd also like to try to share some of my progress, thoughts, realizations, and questions as they happen on Tumblr, because I'm interested in doing media analysis with other people (and because that might reduce the risk of me losing motivation while working on this), so I may end up rebranding my blog a bit at some point.
Here are some other media analysis/writing things that I'd like to do some day. It turns out that other people asking what my thoughts are on a thing is a really good motivator for me to write down what my thoughts are on a thing, so if anyone wants to encourage me to write an essay or blog post about any parts of any of the following topics, feel free to send me an ask:
Wicked (the musical). One angle I'd like to explore is looking at the musical through an aromantic lens, and reading Elphaba as alloaro/alloaro-aligned. I might broaden the scope to look at other Wizard-of-Oz media, and maybe also aro-aligned villains and aro-aligned anti-heros in media, but maybe that would be better served as a series of essays/blog posts and not an essay so long it should be a book. There's also so much musical/motivic analysis I need to do of Wicked, it has so much depth and I still find more things when I relisten to the music.
The portrayal of robots in fiction. One angle I'd like to explore is, "why are robots and aromanticism linked?" And I'm not happy with the shallow answer of "robots don't have emotions and people think aromantic means you don't have emotions"; I want to actually know "why are robots and aromanticism linked? How did the portrayal of robots evolve for there to be a link? Was that inevitable, or could robots have turned out differently so that they weren't liked to aromanticism? What does the linking of robots and aromanticism say about society and fictional depictions of humanity and lack thereof?" I also need to rewatch and actually finish Battlestar Galactica, though I think that might be more interesting through an ace lens than an aro lens.
Isaac Asimov's fiction and related works. I've been reading a lot of his fiction in publishing order in part because of my interest in the origin of robots and aromanticism, but there's definitely interesting things to be said about his novels and short stories, and also the Foundation TV series, such as how they treat love. (I also want an excuse to rewatch all the episodes just to answer nerdy music theory questions about Demerzel and does she have two musical motifs and why is one very legato and lilting and the other is staccato and halting and is that representing an inner struggle between her humanity and her roboticism?)
An analysis of @kernsing's aromantic sonnet #1 (this is still on my todo list, I got busy but didn't forget, but I have Things to say and I want to Find even More Things to say about this poem)
"Why Beauty and the Beast (1991) is fundamentally arophobic and can't be fixed." Okay, I haven't thought about this in a while so it's possible my perspective has changed and I'll find a way that the story could be changed to not be arophobic, but I know that the conclusion I came to a while ago was that the story structure itself was fundamentally problematic and that changing it enough to make it no longer be arophobic would require changing the story structure so much that it would be a fundamentally different story. This would not exactly be a fun essay to read or write, because I can't imagine many people enjoy someone digging into why a movie so many people love is arophobic to its core, but I'd still like to do it, some day.
Is "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas" a distant relative of "Beauty and the Beast"? (I mean the story structure, not genetics/family trees.)
An analysis of Walt Disney Animation Studios films over the years. After my Frozen essay I spent like a month watching almost every Walt Disney Animation Studios film and tracking how the films treated a bunch of different aspects (e.g. sex, romance, marriage, third wheel, kissing, jealousy, love, true love, meet-cutes, queerness, gender, sexism, transmisogyny, homophobia, multiple concrete aspects of amatonormativity, queercoding). But I never really tabulated or aggregated my notes.
The discarded best friend trope (this is an arophobic trope I noticed and came up with a name for), and some examples and subversions of it.
Why does High School Musical (and HSM 2 and HSM 3) lack romantic love songs despite being a loose retelling of Romeo and Juliet that allegedly preserves the central romance? What are the queer things that can be found in the movies? What would I do if I could remake it as a multi-season TV show that was overflowing with explicit queerness that touched on things that weren't shown in the movies? Can I be normal about Kelsi? (I absolutely can't)
Why does Heartstopper (the TV show) make me read Tao as aro all the time?
Fairy tales! What is a fairy tale? Fairy tales through an aro lens! Do fairy tales have a distinct musical sound/style/identity? Has the musical sound of fairy tales changed over time?
Why do stories typically have room for a heroic love interest, but not a villainous love interest? (I'm not happy with the shallow answer of "because of amatonormativity/arophobia". I want to know, why are stories like this? Does it have to do with the structure and pacing of stories? How do pure narrative reasons interact with societal forces and expectations?)
"Katniss Everdeen from The Hunger Games has always felt aspec to me, and here's why." The last time I read through the trilogy, I felt she came across as demi I think? It might be interesting to compare the books to the movies and look at what and how the adaptation changes, especially with regards to romance, relationships, and aspec coding.
Something about how you can have in depth discussions about aspec politics without using aspec terminology, and maybe using too much aspec terminology makes conversations in the aspec community less accessible to new aspecs as well as well-meaning and open-minded allos who would be better allies to us if they could more easily understand what we talk about. When it comes to things like amatonormativity and allonormativity and the societal norms and issues we face, the more people who understand us and agree with us, the easier it'll be to shift society to be better for aspecs. So, sometimes it makes sense to try to talk about complicated, in-depth aspec issues using as little specialized terminology as possible.
Something something aro Celeste. A while ago a friend joked that I should do an aro analysis of Celeste, and then I started actually thinking about it and saying words and they realized they'd made a mistake, but I never wrote down any of the thoughts I had. Just brainstorming here, but there's probably something I could say about Crystal Hearts as collectibles that gate access to more difficult content and have three different art styles depending on where they appear and how they push you away unless you dash into them and break them and how you can die after collecting a Crystal Heart, Madeline's ex, Madeline and Theo's friendship and Grannie and Theo's grandfather's friendship, Madeline and Badeline's story arc through a "Show Yourself"-like aro lens, and Theo's instagram photos of Madeline doing archery. (This essay would be more on the silly side of things, basically proving that given enough disparate pieces in media I can cobble them together with thumbtacks and red string to make shapes that don't exist. And yes, I came up with the brainstorming list in about 5 minutes off the cuff while writing this bullet point)
An aro reading of Homestuck. I would need to finish Homestuck first, and I'm going to start from the beginning at...some point. I remember really liking and getting excited by the "troll QPRs", and I'm probably going to get nerd-sniped by trying to build my own understanding of how leprechaun romance can make sense. (Yes, I know this might be another thumbtacks and red string essay. No spoilers please)
Something about Gravity Falls, The Owl House, She-Ra, Steven Universe, or other similar TV shows?
Tron and Tron: Legacy? Idk I rewatched them semi recently, and expected to dislike the sequel because I had been listening to the album totally wrong. But then I disliked the original and liked the sequel a lot. There's potentially a music theory lens here, but I'm not sure if there's a queer lens here. But that's okay, maybe someone will suggest one, or maybe I'll just write up my thoughts even though there isn't any queerness to speak of, because my media analysis doesn't always have to be through a queer lens.
Something else that I haven't listed here because I don't have an actual list of things anywhere and I've probably forgotten multiple things?
Something I haven't thought of? If you want to know my thoughts on something or want me to analyze something, feel free to send an ask or a reblog or something. No promises I'll answer in a timely fashion (or ever), but I might
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itslouisan · 8 months ago
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Time to have C!Techno headcannons!!!
Heyo, seems like finally I reached my 2nd favorite cc ever! I think techno's character is REALLY interesting, with great writing and details and I can definitely add some hc of my own in there, so without further ado, let's go!
(btw @syndicatedsystem you might like some of my headcannons involving Jschlatt and Techno I talk about here so yeah! Also feel free to discuss em' with me or make asks abt it, hell your blog inspires me a lot)
(I lost the name of the artist if anyone knows please tell me)
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• Techno has some braids in his hair, the longer, the more he values the person
Longest: Philza, it's braided with gold details
2nd longest: Ranboo, has a amethyst crystal for purple
Mid-term: Wilbur, he braided it in consideration of a battle friend and some good times with Will, he doesn't hate or likes Wilbur, but still can't deny they do have a connection
Shortest: Tommy.
• Techno prepared a space in the cabin for Tommy in case some day, his demons and the hell he was looking for, finally was found, he'd welcome Tommy with open arms, since he'd view that the kid suffered enough and had the time to change and face any consequences he'd need to face, the space is safe, always available, but, he'd never tell Tommy that, he keeps it hidden, he's not ready to be vulnerable to the demon child again and openly say Tommy could count on him, not until Tommy makes the first step.
• Keeps the pickaxe that blinded Quackity as a trophy, this and keeps all weapons from powerful enemies with him as a reminder of a great battle he won once again
• Likes to write poetry about people and events, he'd never give them to the person, but keep it in a dusty small box in his room in the attic of the cabin
• OKAY, LET'S ALL AGREE TECHNO IS ARO/ACE? GOOD.
• Techno was friends with Jschlatt before everything went to hell, they liked to talk about random bs while watching the fire crack at night and drink some cheap booze for Jschlatt and coffee for Techno
• I view Techno also having some boar traits, so yeah territorial as FUCK don't mess with his stuff or house, also he chases pray like crazy and can eat almost anything without a problem due to that
• Doesn't CARE for alcohol, just doesn't like the idea of having a hangover afterwards since he'd be unable to fight the next day
• Would gossip with Jschlatt, Tommy and the syndicate like, ABOUT EVERYTHING, I imagine him and Jschlatt favorite hobby is shit talking people they hate
• Techno being aro/ace also means if you flirt with him, he'll just stare at your soul and bully the shit out of you, sometimes calls Phil and/or Jschlatt to roast the shit out of the person, also WILL defend himself from any creeps and defend his friends from ANY strange people since for him touch is STRICTLY a death sentence and something that takes time
• Techno smokes when stressed or in the syndicate room, making Phil always carry an extra lighter for him just in case, the 2 used to be smoking buddies before Phil quit when he adopted Chayanne and Tallulah
• Techno in the QSMP is an entity, a god watching above everyone but never leaving Phil side and the eggs side, sometimes he'd talk to Tallulah directly, or influence Phil like a voice in his head to do the right thing in his vision or appear to Chayanne in his dreams to have a chat
• Can and will drink blood from the enemies
• Loves to talk about skulls and anatomy of the body in general, a dark fact, due to respect to Jschlatt, after he died (not considering revival, I view revival as either the decomposed body coming back to life in a LESS but STILL fucked up state or a kind of new body that is the users body in the afterlife coming to the alive realm, if you guys want, I can make a post about this) picked and kept Jschlatt sheep skull, with horns and everything
(art by sadist)
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• Would talk about historical wars and battles with his own analysis and commentaries on it, making a great history teacher
• totally collects greek mythology stuff, books, items, anything.
• Has a couple of tattoos but one that is pretty badass is a wither skull with red smoke on his ribs in the right, a tattoo of a emerald in the inside of his left wrist, a tattoo of a squid with a fork on it's head in reference to the potato war on his right wrist really tiny and "everything starts with blood" and "the voices demand blood" written in his tights
• My boy 100% has piercings due to piglin culture, around 75% of them being made of gold
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new-revenant · 2 years ago
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A so Called Tamaranean | Part Two
So, people seem to really like this little story I made, so I guess I’ll continue it! Part 1 if you haven’t read it yet or forgot something from it :) Also I am going to put both parts onto Ao3 in like, a day or two.
Edit : Ao3 Link! Also unsure if I’ll continue this because I don’t want to stress out over it. This was partly inspired by the “Grudge Match” ep from the JLU cartoon(go watch it it’s so good). Don’t ask what continuity this whole fic is set in, because I am making it up as I go. Warning for mentions of blood, I think there’s slight dehumanization, and mild elements of horror. There’s a fight scene. You know, regular superhero stuff.
Tag list since people wanted to be tagged(there are many of you ๑╹ω╹๑):
@spectralstardustandphantomnights - @skulld3mort-1fan - @ballzfrog - @toomanyfandoms11 - @blueflipflops - @everest-nightshade - @terzatheunderscorerima - @thegatorsgoose - @mnemovoid - @ace-aro-as-shit - @pikakaistudios - @phoenixcatch7 - @alice-hazelwood - @idfk-man20 (I can’t tag this person for some reason???) - @keimiwolf - @cankoking - @dxrksong - @learning-to-fly-on-my-own - @chaoticmistake - @ectoplasm024 - @akikkobara - @nerdypaintbrush - @worthlesswall - @stargirl1331 - @treepainting - @that-awkward-fae-nerd - @kawaiikenna - @raspberry-muffin
♥︎♡♥︎
“Alright kid, this is one of my safe houses,” Nightwing said, “We’re going to stay here for a while until I figure out what to do,” they muttered the last part. They both were in a small apartment in an abandoned building. It was stocked with some med kits and rations, with a mattress tucked into a corner. There was a single window that they used to get inside, facing another building.
“Small house,” Danny commented, trying to hide his smirk.
“Yeah it’s supposed to be small-now I need to call Starfire for the first time in a few months,” Nightwing groaned, “Man I’ve been busy.”
Danny sat on the mattress while Nightwing out a phone to call this “Starfire” person. Danny was sweating bullets, because surely she would notice that Danny is definitely not a Tamaranean. Maybe he should just come out and say what he really is…Nah.
He hasn’t even told his own parents that he’s actually…whatever he is, so he certainly isn’t going to be telling this stranger who he is. Maybe once he can find out how to get back home he’ll tell them. He’ll just have to keep his secret to himself, which shouldn’t be toohard. And Danny’s stuck in his ghost form now, for some reason. But that means that it’ll be easier to pretend to a Tamaranean! And he could just say he wasn’t raised wherever Tamaraneans were from, and was experimented on by the people who raised him. Not too bad of an idea from a C-student.
Danny was humming happily as he came up with his plan. He had to ignore what Nightwing was saying because he was pretty sure Tamaraneans weren’t supposed to know English. Honestly he was sure of nothing and probably should’ve eavesdropped on Nightwing. But once he thought of that idea, Nightwing finished their phone call.
“Okay Nightgale, Starfire’s going to be here soon, and you need to eat don’t you-of course you need to eat, what am I talking about?” Nightwing sighed, “Do you have any preferences? Like, sweet or sour foods since you probably don’t know any Earth foods.”
“I will eat anything and everything you give me,” Danny responded, “I have no preferences other than survival.”
“That’s…so sad oh my god. I wish I could give you like, a honey crisp apple or something other than granola bars and military rations.”
“Food is food I guess. Oh, do you have any water my throat’s kind of sore.”
“On it,” Nightwing went and grabbed a couple of granola bars and a bottle of water and nearly tossed it over to Danny before stopping and just handed it to him.
“Thank you,” Danny said as he smiled innocently, before wolfing down the granola bars and chugging down all of the water in less than a minute. Nightwing could only watch in horror as when they tried to make Danny slow down, he tried to bite them.
“So,” Danny made direct eye contact with Nightwing after he finished eating “What’s Starfire like?” He was oddly proud of himself for this rather simple question.
“Oh! Well, she’s the Princess of Tamaran and-“ Nightwing was stopped by a sudden knock at the door. They froze and swiftly went over to the door.
“It’s me! Starfire!” a muffled voice said from behind the door. Nightwing let out a visible but silent sigh of relief before they opened the door.
“Starfire, you got here quickly,” Nightwing commented.
“Of course! There’s a baby Tamaranean here who needs help! Plus, I was nearby already,” Starfire floated a few inches off the ground as she went inside the tiny apartment.  Nightwing pointed her over to where Danny was, and she gasped happily with a gleeful shine in her eyes. Danny tried his best to hide his grimace and prepare for whatever was going to happen.
“Hello! Hi there!” Starfire shot over to Danny-which he thankfully expected to happen this time-speaking Tamaranean. Starfire had long, red, fire-like hair, flickering at the ends like a flame. Her skin was an unnatural shade of a bronze-like orange-but it was probably very natural for Tamaraneans. She was also wearing this odd, purple jumpsuit-looking outfit. Not only were her irises were green, but her sclera had a green tint to it. Danny could swear that she was glowing slightly.
“Can you not do any sudden movements Princess?” Danny said, fully grimacing, “Or get too close.”
“Oh! Sorry young one,” Starfire backed a few away from Danny a smile plastered on her face, “What’s your name?”
“I assume that Nightwing already told you but I’m uh, Nightgale. It’s…nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too Nightgale! I’m Princess Starfire of Tameran, but you may just call me Star or Starfire.”
Starfire went over to Nightwing and spoke to them in English. Danny thought this would finally be a good time to eavesdrop.
“He doesn’t know any Earth languages right?” Starfire asked.
“Nope and he seems far too touch-adverse to do…that language acquisition thing,” Nightwing answered, sighing and rubbing their temples, “He’ll shoot anyone who so much as attempts to even reach out a hand to him-I should know, because that’s what happened to me.”
“Oh no! Are you okay?”
 “Yeah I just got shot in the face but it only hurt for a moment-actually, it hurt Nightgalemore, his powers seem…unstable.”
“Unstable?”
“His arm was in a lot of pain both times he shot a starbolt at me, so I’m pretty sure his powers are at least somewhat unstable. God how-what are we going to do-WHERE did he even come from?”
“He could’ve come from anywhere I think-but! I think we might need to get him some sort therapy for the touch-adversity. So it’s a good thing that it is just physical touch in general that makes it so we can learn other’s languages, so he could just poke someone and boom! He learns English!” -Starfire spun around a little bit- “I…also think we might need to get the Justice League involved.”
“Yeah, we probably do,” Nightwing leaned up against a wall, probably pondering about what to do next. Danny was also wondering about what to do next. He could probably just punch someone in the face and pass that off as a language-acquisition thing. He looked out the window and right at that moment, a green bird landed on the windowsill.
Danny made direct eye contact with the bird. Its eyes were the normal black void of sparrow’s eyes, but the entire bird was green. It wasn’t glowing so it probably wasn’t a ghost.
“Oh hey! So you’re that Tamaranean-“ the bird said, it spoke, and Danny blasted it on pure instinct, obviously. He screamed, it screamed, but it swiftly dodged and flew inside. Its body shifted and grew, turning into a human-a green skinned human with dark green hair, but human nonetheless.
“WOAH! Never seen a talking bird before?” The green person chuckled.
“Beast Boy, are you okay?” Starfire asked.
“Yeah, but that kid seems jumpy.”
“Of course he’s jumpy, he just fell from the sky not even an hour ago,” Nightwing sighed, “Also why are you here Garfield?”
“Oh, she texted the whole group chat about the little Tamaranean here, didn’t you see it?” Beast Boy-Garfield was probably their real name but Danny could only think about a certain orange cat-pointed over to Starfire.
“Kori why?” Nightwing groaned, “So do just the rest of the Titans know?”
“Yes it’s just the rest of Titans, I’m sorry I was just so excited!” Starfire apologized, “He’s a fellow Tamaranean with powers nonetheless!”
They continued to argue and Danny knew that this was his chance. He had to get out of here. He’ll come back obviously, but he really didn’t want to keep looking at people’s mouth to figure out if they were speaking English or not.
He stood up and placed his hand on the windowsill, looking back for a moment before jumping up and bolting out of of there.
He turned quickly, just barely scraping his arm against the other building. He focused on just going faster and faster, constantly taking wild turns and changing his altitude.
He kept going and going, ignoring everything else, and he felt like he was reaching his limit in no time at all. He shoot high into the sky, spotting docks nearby. Shooting back back down like a lightning bolt, he almost slammed into the ground nearby. He didn’t make a noise or dented the concrete, so it was a win in Danny’s book.
The docks seem unused and abandoned, but oddly enough the warehouses didn’t. There was one warehouse that was bigger than the others, and it had a clearly visible side door on it. Danny looked around both at the sky and the docks. The skies were clear, but he could definitely hear something coming from that big warehouse.
Danny looked at his hands. Yeah, there might be some criminals in here. If not? Well then he’ll just give some poor folks a handshake or something. Taking his gloves off and tying them onto his belt, he noticed his veins were glowing a bright green. Danny did not know if they always were like that, but it was probably for the best to not use his powers, which was completely fine as he could still throw a mean punch.
Walking up towards the door, he had to take a deep, deep breath. What was he doing? Why was he pretending? Why does he always have to be constantly lying? He could go back now, tell them all the truth before things get more and more out of hand.
‘But it’s too late,’ he kept repeating to himself. The same thing he had always repeated to himself whenever he thought about telling his own parents who-what he was.
He gripped the handle of the door, already able to hear fighting coming from the inside. It didn’t fully sound like normal humans fighting, but a bit like ghost fighting. Shooting, burning, the ground being ripped apart and crushed. People with superpowers exist in this world, Danny could see that much from what he’s noticed so far. He felt like he was definitely not ready to fight anyone who can punch as hard as Shulker per say, but he was already here. He had to do something.
Danny looked around for those heroes who helped him out. Seeing no one around, he took in another a deep breath, and opened that side door.
♦︎
Nightwing really did expect the kid to run off at some point. He just did not expect the kid to just be gone after he looked away for a single second. Just one second, he just wanted to talk with Kori and Garfield, but no, now he has to search for a glowing, physically andprobably mentally unstable Tamaranean child. If it was only as easy as it sounded because Nightgale was gone gone. Which meant that everyone was freaking out, obviously.
“Starfire! Do you see anything?” Nightwing called out from a rooftop nearby the safe house. Starfire was high in the sky so she could probably see a glowing person much more easily, and she shouted out ‘NO!’ which did wonders to Nightwing’s sprit.
“Beast Boy, how about you?” Beast Boy swooped down as an eagle and shook his head no. Nightwing sighed, “Well, we’ll need to split up then. Beast Boy you go west, I’ll go north, Starfire will go-“
“Nightwing,” Oracle’s voice had suddenly spoken from Nightwing’s earpiece, interrupting him. He put his hand on his earpiece to answer.
“What’s going on Oracle?” Nightwing responded instantly.
“An illegal meta fighting ring has been reported coming from the abandoned commercial docks in Blüdhaven. Do you think you can check up on it?”
“If I had a nickel for every time a meta fighting ring has happened here-yeah I’ll deal with it quickly.”
“Even with the Tamaranean child?” Batman’s voice interjected.
Nightwing’s face dropped. Of course Batman knows about Nightgale, he’s Batman. God damn it.
“Yep, even with them.”
“Their name?”
“They said their name was Nightgale. Now, I’ll get back to you later goodbye!” Nightwing took his hand away from the eyepiece and groaned.
“So we have to deal with a meta fighting ring as well?” Beast Boy asked, “Oh wait! What if the kid got caught up in the fighting ring?”
“Nightgale got caught up in a fighting ring?!” Starfire had come down and was very concerned.
“No-well,” Nightwing thought of how likely it was that Nightgale could actually get caught up in a fighting ring, “There could be a chance-“
“We have to go! Where is the fighting ring?” Starfire eyes were filled with determination.
“Yeah! Let’s save those metas AND that Tamaranean kid who’s name I can’t remember. Sorry,” Beast Boy nervously chuckled a bit during that last part.
“It’s Nightgale,” Nightwing repeated. Actually, the more he thought about it, the more strange it was that the kid’s name was Nightgale. It was pretty close to Nightwing, and there was also the problem of accidentally mixing the two names up. Maybe he should call them Gale, or Night Jr. Damnit, he was turning into Bruce wasn’t he?
Nightwing shook off that thought process, focusing on the matter at hand, “Now, let’s go to the docks!”
“Yeah!” The other two exclaimed. They all bolted towards the docks, towards Nightgale.
It didn’t take too long to get over to the docks, especially since Nightwing knew the way there by heart and the other two could fly. The trio still looked around for Nightgale on the way there, but had no luck with that. Nightwing really hoped that Nightgale wouldn’t be at the docks. He felt like there was a good chance that they would’ve gotten hurt, or worse.
Once the trio did get to docks, they saw the biggest warehouse had a giant hole in its side. People were running away from it, screaming and tripping over themselves.
As the heroes got over to them, they noticed just how scared the people acted. “P-please take us in, we’ll go to jail, just get us away from here!” One of them shouted. All of them were heavily bruised and bleeding lightly, large, but very shallow claw marks across either their chests. 
“So this the illegal meta fighting ring I’ve been hearing about,” Nightwing muttered, “Alright, I’ll cuff these guys real quick, get them to the hospital, and then we’ll-“
“Please get us away from here first! That-that monster in there will-“
“Oh! That might be Nightgale right?” Starfire asked.
“Yeah! They seem strong enough,” Beast Boy added.
“Let’s check it out. You criminals stay here or I’ll get that ‘monster’ to hunt you down.” The threat seemed to be very effective against them, which was very worrying, but right now Nightwing needed to focus at the situation at hand-someone dangerous was inside that warehouse with the metas, and that someone could very well be Nightgale.
As they rushed towards the hole, Starfire caught a criminal being thrown out of it. The criminal also had a large, shallow claw mark across their chest. She placed them down and told them to stay with the other criminals, and they ecstatically did as told. The trio were finally at the hole.
Nightwing now believed the criminals when they said there was a monster here.
He couldn’t focus on anything other than-that thing standing in the center of the warehouse. It was a shadow, fickle and dark, glowing green-bleeding green out of its hands and eyes. Eyes that stared right at him, right into his very soul.
It was pulsating with light, unsteady and bright, drawing Nightwing’s mind to nuclear waste. It’s body seemed to flicker in and out of existence as fast as a blink of an eye, small, almost invisible sparks of electricity jetting out of it.
Its hands looked sharp, fingernails indistinguishable from flesh. They were stained red, blood dripping towards the ground. Blood was splattered at its feet and the ground around it. But he couldn’t see any blood on the rest of it’s shadowy body.
This was it, this was how Nightwing was going to die. He couldn’t move couldn’t think about anything else other than the horrors that awaited him. It was all going to be over and he couldn’t even help that one kid-
“Nightgale!” Starfire exclaimed and flew inside. Suddenly, Nightwing was snapped out of his trance, and the monster disappeared, leaving a tired and trembling Nightgale behind.
Nightwing looked over at Beast Boy, and it was clear that he saw the same thing as Nightwing. Beast Boy looked at him for an answer, but all he could do was shrug slightly. Whatever affected him and Beast Boy didn’t affect Starfire, so he could easily pass this off as some Tamaranean thing, but something in the back of his mind said that he shouldn’t.
Something wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right about Nightgale.
But he’ll think about that more later. Right now, Nightgale and the metas needed help.
“Beast Boy, you look after the metas, I’ll deal with the rest of the criminals,” Nightwing said and then immediately sprang into action.
“R-right!” Beast Boy responded and followed suit.
Nightgale had taken care of most of the criminals involved, but the ringmaster, Roulette, had nearly escaped. 
“Roulette! I see that you haven’t changed at all,” Nightwing commented when he caught up to her. He could see that her left arm was bleeding, baring the same shallow claw marks as the other criminals had. “This is what, the second time you’ve set up a meta fighting ring in Blüdhaven? Why’s that?”
“I didn’t expect to get caught so quickly I’ll tell you that much,” she replied, “Much less did I expect to get caught by your son.”
“Okay, Nightgale isn’t my-“ Roulette took this opportunity to kick Nightwing square in the face. In retaliation, Nightwing grabbed her foot and flipped her over, and the fight commenced.
Back in the warehouse, Starfire was checking Nightgale for any injuries. And he had a lot of injuries. No cuts but a lot of bruises had formed already.
“We have to get you to the Watchtower right away-it’s basically the Justice League’s base and they’ll have everything we’ll need to fix you up okay?” Starfire told Nightgale. Only after she finished talking did she realize that she was speaking in English, so she readied herself for having to repeat that whole thing again.
“I’m okay,” Nightgale muttered, back in English.
Starfire gasped, “Did you learn English while punching all those criminals?”
“Uh, yeah, that’s why I took my gloves off, I’m sorry if I wasn’t-“
“No no! It’s okay, it great actually, because now you can communicate easier with everyone else! Good job Nightgale,” Starfire smiled at them and they shyly smiled back.
“Thank you,” Nightgale muttered, “Do we help those people now?”
“I got it!” Beast boy shouted. He had rounded up all the metas and there were a concerning amount of them.
“There’s at least 9 people here,” Nightgale commented, “Or more. I’m not good with counting.”
“That’s okay Nightgale,” Starfire lightly patted Nightgale’s shoulder, and they didn’t even flinch! Which was great, progress was being in one way or another. “Now, how about we check up on Nightwing hm?” Nightgale nodded, and Starfire quickly checked up on the metas before bringing Nightgale with her outside.
Nightwing and Roulette noticed the two immediately, and Roulette’s eye widened in horror.
“That kid-“ Roulette started, before becoming yet another person who got cut off by Nightgale shooting at them. She dodged but Nightwing was quick to knock her unconscious with his Escrima sticks. Nightwing cuffed her while Starfire helped out Nightgale, who was currently doubled over in pain.
“Are you okay Nightgale?” Starfire asked.
“I want and feel like death, but other than that I’m fine,” Nightgale groaned, “At least this blood isn’t mine.”
“Yeah you need to go get help right now,“ Nightwing commented, facing towards the warehouse, “First we just need to take care of metas, the criminals-this criminal, in particular, and then-“ Nightwing suddenly whipped his head around and faced Nightgale, “-did you just speak English???”
“Yeah I punched a bunch of people. No big deal. What’s that shadowy figure over there?” Nightgale pointed over towards their left, and Nightwing immediately knew who it was.
“If I look over and I see it’s Batman I will not be surprised,” Nightwing sighed. He turned around and did not see Batman, so clearly he needed to spin back around and there he was, Batman. 
“I’ve notified the League about the Tamaranean child,” Batman had began, quickly getting to the point, “You and Starfire can take him to the Watchtower with the Zeta-Tubes and preform a check-up before any questioning.”
“Doesn’t the Zeta-Tubes only work for registered members?” Starfire asked.
“And what about the bad guys?” Nightgale added. He was looking at Batman with a sense of awe, for some reason.
“Beast Boy and I will take care of it. I was able to collect a DNA sample from the initial crash site and registered Nightgale as a guest,” Everyone noticed how Nightgale very visibly flinched once Batman talked about collect a DNA sample.
Nightwing gently patted Nightgale’s shoulder, and they looked up at him with their tired, scared eyes. Nightwing gave them a little smile, “It’s going to be okay Nightgale.” But Nightgale’s expression stayed the same as the trio made their way towards the nearest Zeta-Tube.
It was going to be fine, Nightwing was sure of it. Yeah, something bad might happen because life, but Nightgale would be okay soon enough. But Nightwing could only think about what he saw before he entered the warehouse. Was Nightgale really a Tamaranean? Starfire wasn’t effected by whatever he and Beast Boy saw, and they were both human.
Nightgale wasn’t a human, that’s for sure. But what if was a human, a meta more likely. But then why did he fall from the sky? A portal could’ve opened-actually, a portal would’ve been the only way they could’ve came here, since they definitely don’t seem to have the energy to fly all the way to Earth from…wherever they were from.
So what was Nightgale? Who was Nightgale?
Nightwing didn’t know what was the truth yet, but it wouldn’t be long until he found out. He was sure of it. But for now, he just wanted to make sure Night Jr. was safe.
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drowninginredink · 1 year ago
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WIP List
I always like it when people talk about their WIPs. I live for that. So it's my turn. But I am a one-shot writer at heart with way, way too many ideas, so here is a list of everything I'm toying with. For the record, some of these don't even have a single word written yet, and none are that far along, so don't get your hopes up too high.
Smosh One-Shots
"Feelings are so fragile" — Platonic Shaymien thing where I project really hard onto Damien. (Yes it's for the aro collection)
"Most euphoric I've ever been" — A spetney fic based the fact that yes, they're technically a m/f couple... But like, no. Put them together, you've got nonbinary lesbian vibes. Sorry Spencer, you're getting your gender transed because there's no way you and Courtney are straight.
"But what's a home?" — A Damian QPR fic. Damien/Ian is already such an interesting rarepair and then you make it a QPR and it's like... They end up living together just temporarily because Damien's housing falls through and turns out they both really miss when they used to be living with their best friends and look I know everyone likes romance but do you know how good QPR fics can be? I love the idea of them as a QPR so much?
A thing for @aro-soulmates-fest about Anthony getting all his tattoos to hide the fact that he doesn't have a soulmate one.
A murderverse one shot about Arasha because God I fucking love gang AU!Arasha
A vampire!Spencer fic where Shayne plays the role of Johnathan Harker
"And I lie like the right thing to do" — me taking @generaltrashshecox 's whole "Anthony sleeping with Damien to cope with unrequited feelings for Ian thing that I love so much and just doing my own version of it where I lean into the angst so hard. With permission from bun, don't worry
A (platonic) nintendogs fic where I decide to do a little bit of own voices stuff on the fact that The Chosen is suuuuuuuuper schizo-coded
I bought a new ray and it's time to use it. Let's make Ian aplatonic this time.
"Then it's done." Killing off Spencer. Very one-sided Spommy.
A lil smut based on Anthony asking Tommy to choke him.
Hey @generaltrashshecox infected me again and now aro4aro Antmien needs to exist
This post into a real fic
Smosh not a one shot but also kind of a one shot?
14. "Once in twenty lifetimes" — A no smosh AU that's going to go through all the different ways Ian and Anthony could have ended, choose-your-own-adventure style. And as the title suggests, only one of them is the reunion. Most are things falling apart. And also to fit the title, it's going to be in twenty chapters (although that does not mean 20 endings. I don't hate myself.). So it's multichapter, but also it'll all be posted at once so it'll basically be a one-shot. It's going to end up as kind of an epic and God I hope it turns out as good as it is in my head. Inspiration for the good endings is "Cardigan" by Taylor Swift, and for the bad endings and a lot along the way is "San Cristobal" by Mal Blum.
15. Partners (in crime) — my Changela QPR fic that was supposed to be a one-shot right up until I wrote the thing, and actually wrote a chapter one. Not sure how long that's going to be, but I like it so far.
Smosh Multichapter
(The fact that my very one-shot oriented self has multiple of these is such a problem)
16. "Puppy Love" — I don't need to say anything about this. There are already 5 chapters on AO3. Either it's extremely your shit or you're wondering what the hell I'm doing and why I'm writing this extremely specific concept. If you're wondering why I still haven't posted chapter 6, it's because that has sex in it and I fucking hate writing sex scenes so I'm procrastinating really hard.
17. "I'll use you as a warning sign" (aka the evil fic, so named because chu-tea thinks I'm evil for coming up with the plot) — yeah so what I planned for PL was just a straightforward kind of fluffy ianthony piece. And then a certain friend of mine (*cough* chu *cough*) accidentally inspired me to think of a different ending that is such hardcore angst and hurt that I absolutely needed to make it happen and have been obsessed. It's interesting when you've already made the bad decision to start a long project and then oops, now you just really want the next 6 chapters to be done already so you can write the alternate ending. This one will *really* not be everyone's shit because I will rip your heart out in 6 different ways. But God I'm obsessed. Anyway, if you want details... I'll just say "major character death" and leave it at that. Oh and rarepair.
18. "I've come back changed and I can feel it in my bones" — an AU where "what if Anthony left because he got psychosis." Basically very hardcore projection on my part. This is on the back burner for a while because obviously when I have projects that aren't going to be emotionally gutting to write, I'd much rather work on them.
Non Smosh Stuff
(I'll be honest, I'm so deep in the smosh obsession that you should not get too excited about any of these. I know myself, so I know the smosh flame will eventually burn out but these are based on things I will be obsessed with until I die. So I know they'll happen. But not for a long time)
19. A Phantom of the Opera one-shot for @aro-soulmates-fest. This is the one thing I will actually write within a reasonable amount of time, because it's due March 17.
20. "Baby, please don't bore me" — A Series of Unfortunate Events — Sunny (well, Sorrel in this version because oops I transed their gender) teams up with Olaf to find their siblings after years of separation. I find them to be a very interesting chaotic, morally gray, bantery duo.
21. "Because the same night awaits us all" — ASOUE — A Klaus/Lemony fic that I swear I will write someday. Very morally gray, very much a codependent relationship, very leaning into the age gap. Basically they're together because they do not have anyone else in the world. It's just so delicious a dynamic that I will explore I swear.
22. ASOUE — I'm still not entirely convinced I'll ever be bothered to actually write this one, but I might do a Kit/Fernald FWB thing. I'm not sure where on earth the idea of that came from, but it's been living in my head for a long time now. Long enough that there's an early one-shot version of it that I don't really like anymore on *gasp* fanfiction.net
If anyone actually bothered to read all the way to the end of this long-ass post, you deserve a medal.
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igbylicious · 5 months ago
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Glad you like the rambling because this has become a trend of me never being able to fit in the replies anymore T_T
aaaah I AM SO EXCITED!!! bound was already so so good (you're getting a separate ask all about it later). May your creative juices always be flowing and your brain kind enough to help you along <3 I wonder if you were ever inspired by the ateez lore itself to write for it. I feel like it's such a shame not more people do because it seems so interesting, but then again, it's complicated enough that it might seem like too much ig?
Thank you for digging that up. icb I MISSED IT T_T tumblr we have notifications on for a reason come onnnn but omg woosang babies <3 that's so woo, honestly.
Love that drunk san singing his heart out is canon in the whiway universe as well tbh. Jongho seems like such a fun drinking partner I can just see it (*ᴗ͈ ֊ ᴗ͈)��°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・
ALSO PLS TELL ME WE'RE GETTING SMTH WITH THE SYUNGI THREESOME (this is not about snail yungi) I will take anything—a separate drabble, a bulletpoint thingie, or even just a light teasing just in an upcoming chapter ozr.
Aww yuyu I will keep you in my prayers. *is an athiest*
I feel like only hongjoong got neglected now and that makes my ot8 heart sad so is he living the dream? is he getting woosan regular updates? also is it weird that I lowkey headcanon him as ace in whiway don't know why but my brain just decided on that randomly.
I'm glad the hiatus helped! I really admire you taking time for yourself when you're not feeling your best.
AW I’M GLAD YOU LIKED BOUND ASKJDASDKJ i look forward to hearing your thoughts!!! (♡°▽°♡)
ooohhhhhhhhh yeah no i don’t have anything inspired by the lore. which is weird tbh bc esp the whole Halateez deal should be right up my alley lol. meeting yourself from the future/a different dimension/whatever the heck is going on in their lore? hell yeah 👀 idk maybe one day i’ll come up w/ smth that’s inspired by specific elements, but not meant to be set in the canonical lore hehe. to take that on is a lil too daunting, yeah ^^;;
lol no you didn’t miss it! this wasn’t tumblr’s fault for once; it was a convo in the replies! there are a bunch of whiway tidbits scattered all over the place asdkjadsjk maybe after the main series is done i’ll see if i can gather it all up in one neat place ^^ (and the threesome is on my list of ‘things i might write after the fic is done’ ( ⓛ ω ⓛ *) )
aw ace HJ they’d be aro/ace besties :’) i do have it in my head that she and Joong have casually fucked out of boredom — but that can actually still track? 🤔 i know some asexuals have that type of ‘it’s just a fun way to pass the time’ relationship to sex (or you can ignore this info if you prefer to think of him as sex averse ♡(>ᴗ•) i don’t expect it to come up in the last two chapters, and anything i blabber outside the story is basically a glorified headcanon lol)
(as for Hongjoong neglect; there’s a lil moment in the upcoming chapter you might enjoy hehe (´꒳`)♡ )
hope you are doing well! (◕‿◕)♡
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captainbobbin · 7 months ago
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Hi- I have somehow survived the depths of completing a whole game in one sitting, grinding for the talents of a character in another game, and completing one of 3 endings for undertale as well as attempting to art. So how are you? <3
Also would love to make you aware your Saix/isa, Xemnas, and Terra are the reasons I question if I'm truly AroAce because of the FOUL, down right HEINOUS things I want them to do to me.
Also, I was going to ask this on Retrospring but I have no idea if the ask button was either tricking me by looking like it was doing nothing or if it just wasn’t up to doing its job, but, I scroll through the Saix tags often and there was this one post that pointed out that he has a hourglass figure and I could not for the life of me tell if you draw him with one too or not so, are you aware of this? If I’m wrong about him having that figure or if you do actually draw him with one then you can just ignore this.
Also, finally looked at your twitter since I don’t usually use it and there was this one thing you said and while I can’t exactly pinpoint what it was I know it was enough to make me audibly gasp and then mentally agree. Anyways that’s all, have a good night or morning I’m still trying to figure out time differences. (Also if I ramble too much feel free to tell me I’ll gladly shut up a bit….maybe- I can’t even trust myself to remember to breathe actually so- nvm)
long response so -
ayyy I'm glad that you've been doing okay lately bud - its always satisfying to complete a game that you've been sucked into, and I hope you had a fun time with it!
You know. You'd be surprised how many aro and/or ace people have said such things to me/are actively in my chat encouraging me to make more nsfw content regarding my blorbos lmaoooo I actually had a message on retrospring the other day regarding my portrayals of certain characters making people question their orientation and I'll put what I responded to them here - 'there's a post that I love and its like. If you are really into something and are passionate about it, you will accidentally convert others to enjoying it. By making content where you genuinely show how much you love a certain thing and you project your headcanons onto it and display the depths of your inner love about a certain concept, character, body type, topic, etc, that people will see it and connect with it whether you mean for it to be convincing or not hahaha. Sometimes just really loving something inspires others to love it and see it your way too.'
Saix undoubtedly has a pretty curvy silhouette, yes lmao there is no way I wouldn't realise that hahaha - Its harder to see it in his KH3/Unreal Engine model due to the stylistic overhaul but his original (and superior imo) model has notably wide shoulders and hips compared to a small waist, yeah. All of the original Org members had really distinct shapes so you can tell who is who, even with the hoods up. I do tend to draw Saix with fairly muscular thighs and broader shoulders, but in general my artstyle is what I would say is 'not very anime proportioned' in that I try to have a decent amount of realism in my anatomy/shape rather than super lean or angular bodies. I don't ever want my blorbos to appear emaciated or for them to have the 'ideal standard' body, if you know what I mean, I really enjoy drawing my faves to look like real people that have folds and bulk and 'imperfections'. I do typically try to draw Saix as fairly broad, with a balance between topheavy upper arms and chest and a more rounded hip area compared to his waist. (some examples below, including a super super old sketch I did to visualise lfotr isa and terra's size difference). I do try and make all of my usual blorbos have identifiable yet still human proportions; I tend to draw Xemnas slightly softer and chubbier around his middle but he is still broad and powerful. Saix is curvy but still noticeably strong and while not entirely lean he has a sleekness to him. I draw Hendrik with a lot of padding, hair and with much more unique facial features. Sylvando is probably the only character I draw that has a body close to the canon source - he is lean and muscular and tbh the only character I really draw with pronounced ab muscles, the same way that in canon he is shown to be very cut - but in all fairness he's a gymnast/acrobat/performer/contortionist/dancing clown so drawing him as noticeably and suprisingly ripped tracks imo. Plus I sprinkle on so many of my own headcanoned features regarding his hair, skin tone, freckles, etc that it doesn't feel too weird to me haha. so tl;dr yes I do draw Saix with somewhat of a curvy shape (when I do fullbody draws of him, its been a little while) however I think my version is pretty masculine and doesn't read as disproportionate or exaggerated.
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Anatomy and stylization are things I always want to push myself on and develop more - my biggest fear is having 'same face syndrome' or for my work to feel like my love for the characters don't come through haha - though by the sounds of it, the way I portray my blorbos is definitely doing something for you, so I must be going in the right direction haha
oh I yap about all kinds of bullshit on twitter lmao I use it as a place to talk about my blorbo thoughts often :p for those who don't follow me on twitter, you can find me here, although I'll warn you that I do most some n/s/f/w stuff there that I do not post here. Let me know if you find out which post I made that vibed with you, I'd love to hear which thing I said resonated with you and why haha! I am somewhat more active on twitter than on here/I tend to share more of others work and do general updates on twitter just because its easier, but I think interacting long form with others is a lot easier on tumblr for sure. Long asks and chats like this area always nice!
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aspecpplarebeautiful · 2 years ago
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Hello, I could use some advice or encouragement or just a few kind words.
I’ve recently discovered that I’m aroallo-spec; I hope this makes sense, for me it means I’m aroallo primarily and relate to that experience the most but I’m sort of ace-spec. I’m aro-spec too and it’s my most defining label and holds more significance to me. I’m currently in love with someone. The problem is, that ‘in love’ feeling is complex. I also recently discovered that I’m aroflux which is why it makes the ‘in love’ feeling complex. By default I know I’m in love, but what way that’s defined varies on how I’m feeling during a specific time and that’s made trying to understand if I want to pursue something with them or not a hard time.
We confessed to each other months ago (we both agreed to wait things out), and commonly say ‘I love you’. Of course that can mean anything but I’m saying that to show the type of closeness we have. We are close, really close. But we’ve had some bumps in the road and that’s made things a little.. wonky? We’re not sure as of now, at least they aren’t. That’s fine. I’m not really sure in the sense I don’t know how to talk about this. It’s a recent discovery and I think it’s something important to bring up but how? We haven’t really spoke about us in a deep sense in a few weeks. I think it’s painfully obvious that I’m interested in them but, at the same time it’s not so simple and I’d really like to speak with them about it but.. how? Just how. When’s a good time to bring it up? I’ve been sort of inactive lately because of my mental health, and some of it is because of this dilemma. They’ve asked if I wanted to talk about anything and I’ve said not right now but thank you. I do want to talk about things but I just haven’t had the right words and didn’t know how to express myself.
Yeah, it can be hard, especially when you've only recently figured things out yourself, and when there's a lot to explain and it can be hard to understand for people who aren't more informed on aro-spec identities.
One thing that might help is sitting down with a pencil and paper and just writing it out. You don't have to show them the finished product, but it might help you organize your thoughts, and when you finish sort out better what you want to say and get across, you can even do it a few times to help focus your thoughts. (Of course if you do want to write them a letter or email, to either give it to them or read it out to them yourself, that's allowed too.)
You can also look up aroflux people online (such as on the aroflux tag/search on tumblr) and see if how others describe their experiences and that might help give you inspiration too.
Another is that it doesn't have to be one conversation, sometimes it can take a few conversations to get these things across and be understood. But if they're listening and trying, you'll usually get there in the end. Remember to be patient with yourself, and it's OK if it's hard to find the right words or the right way to explain it at first. My big advice would be to try and make it a conversation, and invite them to ask questions and give their own thoughts and that can help too.
And just do your best, Anon. Remember it's OK and normal to stumble a bit, you're always allowed to pick a conversation back up and clarify things later too.
All the best, and good luck!
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selfidentifiednerdyprude · 2 years ago
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kink & asexuality: further thoughts
inspired by these tags via @\skelebk on this post (not tagging them because this post might get a little tmi and they're like. a stranger. but I do want to credit them for giving me the inspiration for this rant because their tags bring up something important that I feel needs to be discussed)
(also, disclaimer that this post isn't trying to change anyone's mind. if you're happy in the kink scene, great! I want you to keep being happy. but this post is about why I, personally, was not happy in the kink scene, and how I made myself a hell of a lot happier once I left it.)
#had a friend who was very into the kink scene#would go to those kink clubs sort of into the scene#they would go on a lot about kink and how great it is and would encourage me to try it out#at some point it started to feel like talking to a religious person who keeps trying to convert you#they also IDed as ace and knew I did too#they kept stressing it wasn't all sexual#it was very tiring#ace#some people just need therapy and not kink#and that's okay
and I want to ramble for a second (it might be gibberish but I am asking you to please bear with me here) about "they kept stressing it wasn't all sexual"
because that's one of those things, like "some aces have sex"/"some aros can be in romantic relationships" that is... true, I guess, but also missing the point. because yeah, not everything under the umbrella of kink involves bumping uglies. that's true. however, the vast majority of how the kink community is organized and structured, its aesthetics, what is talked about within those spaces, what is assumed of people who choose to spend their time within it, etc. exists with the expectation that there is a psychosexual nature to the activities being performed. I know this, from my ill-fated attempts to fit my kind of relationship into the paradigm of kinky power exchange. I also know this from my time trying to do conventional kinky power exchange in a "nonsexual" (but still, because of the nature of kinky power exchange, psychosexual) way.
"nonsexual" kink is, more often than not, still psychosexual. "nonsexual" kink done in an unsafe, irresponsible, or abusive manner can still affect someone in much the same way that sexual trauma can affect someone. and most importantly, "nonsexual" kink is still incredibly dangerous to participate in unless you are a mature and autonomous adult with a good handle on how you react in difficult or stressful situations.
the thing is, though, there are elements of kink that have applications outside of the psychosexual. but if someone wants to explore a certain not directly sexual thing that happens to also fall under the umbrella of kink, whether that not-directly-sexual thing is leader/follower roles or certain types of sensory experiences or whatever, the kink community is often the only place to explore that. and it shouldn't be, especially when it is so hostile by design to so many who could benefit from things that originated within it.
personally, I think that what we need is other types of communities that aim to center different lenses through which these things are experienced. the kink community centers the psychosexual— we need communities that center the psychosocial, the spiritual, the sensory, the intellectual, the cathartic. we need communities that build on the work that kink communities have already done while also critiquing the places where kink communities fall short. I'm already kind of starting to do this, with Trusted Companionship (specifically, what I am doing is looking at power exchange from a psychosocial angle, focusing on consensual exploration of leader/follower roles as a liberatory practice for those who have had power wielded against them).
but we need more people doing the same thing from different angles, because just like kink as a paradigm won't work for everyone, Trusted Companionship as a paradigm won't work for everyone who kink doesn't work for.
and we also need to stop doing that annoying thing where we assume that the only way to have a healthy relationship at all is through kink. because jesus fuck, dude. why do we do that.
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fairyblue-alchemist · 2 years ago
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hi hi hello my friend!!
could you perhaps! tell me a bit about hades?? all i know is that zagreus is prince of the underworld and gender as fuck and that thanatos is his boyfriend 👍 (this is not inspired by that in the tags post at all why do you ask)
i am putting this under a read more this is going to be LONG.
*visibly shaking* OK. SO. basic premsie of the game is that zagreus is looking for his birth mother by escaping from the underworld and his father who is willing to do anything to get him back. i figure that you already knew that SO. LET'S TALK ABOUT HIM AS A CHARACTER. he is a lot of things. talkative. sarcastic. perhaps slightly naive (but that's a personal beef i have about the matters of family in general). very extremely gay. you can romance both thanatos and megaera at the same time and have a polycule. or only one of them! or neither! i did neither because i projected so hard onto zagreus that it cracked the aro egg (me). anyways! he's also incredibly kind and polite to other people (assuming they're kind to him in turn. not hades because he SUCKS), he always tries to help those in need and he is SO stubborn about wanting to help them and this is how we get side plots in the game. he's just a really good dude overall, and my favorite thing about him is that he never yells. ever. my friend looked through all his voice lines (and there are SO many because once again he talks a LOT) and there is no yelling that isn't just generalized fighting noises. zagreus is! a great guy overall! he's doing his best! don't be afraid to kill him a little though he's fine with it.
oh shit this is hades in general. ahem! you get boons from various gods of the greek pantheon, though not all of them and they are very conveniently color coded to tell them apart as you try to leave the underworld. as per usual with the greek gods, things become a very messy family affair. is it spoilers to tell you that hades himself is the final boss? yeah you get to kick your dad in the face. might get kicked in the face a couple times first but it's very satisfying to down him. the game is really very versatile too, you get a ton of different buffs and perks to play around with in the form of boons from gods and you can unlock several different types of weapons so you can find one that suits you best! i favor the bow and all my friends who play hades calls me insane for it. if you ever get to try out the bow in the game, you get to decide whether i'm insane for it or not too.
and most importantly! dying is actually a very big thing in the game, through dying and learning and gaining new upgrades to make yourself stronger, you will get better. don't be afraid to die! but there's an option in the game called 'god mode' that will make things a little easier if you're having a really rough time. there's no drawback to using it and you can turn it on and off as you please. also there are certain upgrades (very vital ones too) that can only be gained through the central hub of the game that you go to when you die and aren't actively running through the underworld trying to escape. there's plenty to do there too, characters to talk to will move the story along. ALSO. YOU CAN PET CERBERUS. YOU CAN PET THE DOG. have fun, enjoy the game, everything about is so well done like the music and art is PHENOMENAL, and good luck!! if you ever want gameplay tips you can always ask!!
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mikiruma · 2 years ago
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alright meet the robinsons headcanon dump bc i had a LOT of thoughts at work. mostly laszlo and tallulah. ok so they're basically all laszlo and tallulah but hear me out (wall of text below)
courtesy of me always seeing them as twins before learning laszlo was older: they are often mistaken as twins
> sometimes tallulah will refer to laszlo as her "baby brother" for no other reason than to confuse/piss him off
they don't hate each other but bothering the hell out of each other is an olympic sport and they're both going for gold
yeah they get on each others nerves but for the most part its for The Bit. also depending on who started it they have a tendency to forget where The Bit ends and Being A Jerk begins
that being said they are so tight you rarely see one without the other
i mentioned this before but they're huge film nerds. mainly anything with practical effects and cheesy costuming and etc etc. they give me huge "backyard film production" energy too. they definitely have embarrassing old movies they made as kids/teens hidden somewhere, but would absolutely get back into it if they weren't so caught up in their current hobbies
also HUGE sci-fi nerds. i'm still convinced they're trekkies
they're both autistic and get caught in feedback loops of just infodumping back and forth with each other
laszlo looks/sounds like the nerd emoji but tallulah is the one going "WELL ACKSHUALLY" (although not in any effort to be a know-it-all)
joe and/or billie babysat them maybe once or twice when they were younger. legend says that's why they decided not to have kids (although unproven.) laslzo and tallulah say "thats fair"
also they're both trans, they traded genders :)
they probably did a lot more collaborating growing up but since they have their own lives they kinda just fell out of it. their comeback is on the horizon though. someday...
laszlo specific thoughts
transmasc + gay + he/him (his gender is probably something really esoteric he doesn't really care to get into but he's got secret they/them locked and loaded for emergencies. which emergencies? idk)
brain tangents aplenty (adhd comorbidity lets goooo), and has a tendency to miss the bigger picture. at least he squashed that bad habit... with finishing art pieces. mostly inspired by the video game
watches 60s-70s action movies w/ art
dabbles in any medium he can get his hands on but feels the most at home painting
he's actually kind of nosy, but great at keeping secrets
an awful chef but halfway decent with presentation
prefers demonstration/instruction before attempting something new- not out of anxiety, he just loves seeing how other people do things
legally blind without his goggles/glasses
tallulah specific thoughts
transfem + aro pan + she/her (gender is less abstract but she also doesn't care what gendered terms you use for her)
the first to correct someone if she knows they're wrong
laszlo's the only one allowed to mess with her. not bc of any protectiveness she just genuinely doesn't care what other ppl have to say about her
prefers to learn through experience (whether she reads instructions/asks for help first depends on.. idk. the cosmic forces)
please ask her about the art deco movement she is so normal about it please pleaseplease
she's a waaaaay better designer/model than a seamstress. yeah she hasn't gotten around to fixing her sewing machine. yeah this dress she made is held together by hot glue and prayers. she didn't ask you though
LOVES to travel. part for inspiration, part for expanding her collection of tacky souvenirs
almost never seen without some sort of hat. extravagance unrelated her head just feels naked without one
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idyllic-affections · 2 years ago
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Hello, Aphe(can I call you that? 👉👈) . It's your favorite anon here again!!!😊/j (because I really like the other anons and I see them and you as a little family <3)
I made a poem for my essay class (yes, I have those for some reason). I wanted to really show it to you because I guess your flower header actually inspired me in my desperation in trying to find something to write about :'''
As an aro person... It was a bit... Idk... Cringe?? (idk, I don't really like this word but that's the only thing that comes to my mind) to write a love poem for homework.
The name of the poem is "The Flowers". There's no rhymes because I wrote it in Portuguese and translated it to English and I don't want to make it lose its sense. TT
"The roses of my garden,
Red, yellow and purple.
All the colors come together,
from roses to little daisies.
I take care of them every day.
They fill my soul with happiness.
Even with all those flowers to myself,
Something is missing in my garden.
I picked all these flowers,
For you to like me.
Do not be selfish,
Come back to me."
I was going to send the original version in Portuguese, but this ask is annoying big enough, sorry if I'm bothering you!! TT
-🦢 anon <3
HI DEAR sorry for the late-ish reply BUT!!! yes of course you can call me that, it was a nickname a moot of mine came up with for me <3 i love that tbh!!! we are the found family of all time real and true /hj /lh
i can understand that!!!! i never understood why i had a hard time writing very romance-heavy content for my english or writing classes until... yeah. surprise! i ended up being arospec LMAO.
i love this poem though!! i personally think it's really lovely, even if the inspiration for it and the general topic of it was kind of uncomfortable or difficult to write. you all are never bothering me by sending long asks/multiple asks in a row/etc, i appreciate the engagement a lot!!!!! i don't want people to feel like they can't talk to me haha, i like coming across as very friendly and i want you all to feel comfortable talking to me and sending me long things or lots of things at once <333
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quelsentiment · 2 years ago
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3, 15, 17, 18 for the weird writing asks!!
Thanks Fee!
3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?
Okay, so I used to write on Google Docs for the longest time and then a few months I told myself that maybe it wasn't the best privacy-wise. So I've switched to using Open Office, which I think helps me focus better because having it on a separate window away from my web browser reduces the temptation to stop mid-sentence to check another tab, you know? But at the same time, this feels VERY cursed because my version doesn't have any kind of spelling check, plus my WIPs are now saved on my internal drive, and since I don't make backups of them that often, I live in fear or my laptop dying on me and making me lose weeks of progress
Oh also, there's basically no word count lololol
Am I gonna do anything about any of this though? No, we're raw-dogging life over here 😎
15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?
I already answered this earlier but the short answer is I currently don't, but I don't judge people who do (unless it's a library book or something)
17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.
I guess I'll talk about my fic for the Zouis Fest (although it might not even be part of it in the end, because I keep writing for the Dream Team fandom instead rip)
Anyway, I'm still not sure exactly what I'm doing with it. Like the main idea is that it's a Zayn-POV, canon-compliant(ish), present day fic where they run into each other in Hong Kong and are kinda forced to acknowledge what happened all those years ago, and figure out how to move forward. So like, lots of angst and feelings of betrayal and conflict and serious conversations because that's basically all I know how to (and all I want to) write lol
At the moment I'm not sure whether to keep it focused on their friendship or introduce some kind of romance aspect to it (toying with the idea that they had some kind FWB situation going while they were in the band). But since it's canon-compliant I'd feel kinda iffy doing that. I've never actually written canon-compliant before, and I have to admit that it scares me a bit, also because I've been extremely removed from the 1d fandom lately
Anyway one thing I'm sure about is that I want a scene to be inspired by the following verse from Blur's My Terracotta Heart:
And when we fly tomorrow over the Java seas And my younger maps will be there with me 'Cause they remind me of swimming out too far one day Then the coral was gone, but I didn't care anyway
Something about Zayn going too far to swim and Louis watching him almost drown but not realizing what's happening, as a metaphor for what went wrong between them
Yeah, that's pretty much all I can share at the moment. I should really get back to it
18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end.
Zayn Malik is, without a doubt, the most beautiful person Louis has ever had the privilege to lay his eyes on. To the point that if he were to explain aesthetic attraction to someone, he’d probably say something like: “The feeling I get when I look at that gorgeous guy in my English 586 class.”
That's the opening line from Situations Like These, my aro/ace Zouis fic from the first Zouis fest.
It's one of those stories that really started out with just a scene rather than an idea/concept, which I think is the case for a lot of my fics actually. I mean, I did have a prompt for this fic, which was something like "they're both ace but don't tell the other for fear of driving him away", so it was pretty vague in terms of setting and everything else, really.
I remember coming up with that opening scene and the bits of dialogues at my grandparents' place right before getting on the road back home with my parents, and since I'd rather die than write in front of them, I just had to make sure to commit everything to my memory by repeating it all in my head throughout the day, until we were finally home and I could write it down. But that's something I do a lot, I think, just come up with stuff (typically dialogue) at inconvenient times and praying that I remember it by the time I can write it down 😬 And then of course when you actually settle in front of your computer, you feel like all your inspiration is gone
Anyway, I think this might be one of my favourite opening scenes I've written, I feel like it's pretty fun while setting the tone and dynamics for the whole fic
writing asks
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the-dawn-star · 3 years ago
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The Volturi Kings x Swan!Reader One shot
A/N: Hi! So, a fun fact i am in love with reader x the volturi kings' content, so why not write some of my own. This takes a lot of inspiration on things what I have read, but yeah. Also, I don’t bother to look up the canon dialogue, so I made my own, but I tried to be truthful to the characters. Also, Aros and Caius’ wives don’t exist. Also, Cullen bashing is included. 
+ not proof read
3000ish words
-S
I don’t know Italian so these can be totally incorrect, so please forgive the possible mistakes.  
Tesora=Tresure
Cara mia=My dear
Amore mio=My love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why am i even here? I should be at home, at Forks. But no, I’m in Italy, in Volterra. Saving my sisters ex vampire boyfriend, from vampire royalty. And now we are walking down through a tunnel to only get killed by that same vampire royalty. This is fucked. This is fucked. This. Is. Fucked.  
I was brought back to life by the people around me stopping. I almost walked onto the vampire in a black cloak in front of me. I kept my eyes on the marble floor, but they rose automatically when the huge wooden doors opened in front of us.  
In the circle shaped room had only three chairs..., no, thrones. One in front of the other two. The room was made from the same marble as the floors of the hallway. And on the floor was a drainage hole. My heart started to beat faster. The situation just became more real that I liked.  
“How fantastic, Bella is alive,” the man in the middle throne said before he got up. He had shoulder length raven black hair, and he had those same blood red eyes as the vampires around me. The man walked up to Edward and took his hand. “Aro, can see all of my thoughts with a touch,” Edward explained clearly only to Bella. “Yes, it is interesting to see all of the thoughts that young Edward has seen through his life,” The man, Aro said but it didn’t seem to be here, his eyes looked like he was far away from this reality.
I took a glance at Alice who only a smile, but it didn’t reach to her eyes. Even she seemed scared, she wasn’t going to get killed. It was me and Bella whose lives were at risk. Of course, Alice was concerned about Bellas life, they were more sister than me and Bella ever were.  
I took a look at the other two thrones besides the empty one. On the left chair sat a man with a brown hair. But the main thing about him was his blood red eyes that were looking at me. Fuck, what did I do to get his attention? But he didn’t seem to be mad that I realized his staring. He gave me a smile. I had to look twice to see that I hadn’t made it up. His smile only grew seeing me getting confused. And with my embarrassed face, I directed my eyes to the other man who sat on the other throne. He had the same red eyes but his eyes had a dangerous feel like a no other. His blond hair looked so silky and nice, and for a second, I forgot the deathly situation I was in.  
“Aro,” The sound seemed to shock everyone in the room. The speaker was the same king who had smiled at me. Aro turned his head to the king, and the brown-haired man raised his hand to Aro. Aro almost ran to the sitting king, and took his hand to his. Everyone was silent, no one dared to interrupt the kings silent one-sided conversation. Even the blond king looked at his two equals, clearly annoyed that he wasn’t part of it.  
A slow hum left Aros lips when he let go of the other kings hand. “Is that really the case?” Aro asked. Now the guards really seemed concerned, why would a man who could see every memory ask for a confirmation. The king nodded, and I heard Edward sigh. “My brothers, what is it?” the blond king asked, now having a concerned sound on his cold voice. Then Aro turned to us, his eyes landing on me. So, I really fucked up in some point.  
I lowered my eyes down to the floor, I couldn’t look into those intensive eyes “We, my brother, have found our mate.” I had to look up to see who he was talking about. All eyes of the room were on me. And in a blink Aro was in front of me. I had to take a step back and one of the guards hand wrapped around my upper arm. Like I could run away either way. “It is okay Felix,” The brown-haired king said, and my arm was released. I gave a thankful look at the king and he returned it.
“You have already taken a liking to Marcus I see,” Aro spoke, his words were so calming and gentle, like he wasn’t a killer. I bit my lip and I could myself getting hotter. “Tesoro, don’t worry he has taken a liking to you to,” Aro continued seeing my flustered face. I looked back to Aro, his smile felt so kind, so caring. “Tell me, Tesoro what's your name?” I had to clear my throat that I got the words out of my mouth. “I..., I'm Y/N, Y/N Swan,”  
“Swan..., Isabellas sister,” Aro whispered. I nodded and he seemed to be pleased that I even interacted with him. “We are all aware of your sisters special ability by now, but what I saw from Edwards memories, this ability doesn’t extent to you, I am assuming that you knew that already,” I nodded, scared that my voice wouldn’t hold a second time.
“Brother, this cannot be real, a human girl couldn’t be our mate, this must be a mistake!” It was the blond vampire king. His voice was ice cold, and felt like venom. “Stop it Caius, you are scaring her,” Marcus said, his words shaking the everyones attention back from Caius to Marcus. His words were like antivenom to Caius’ venom filled words.
“Tesoro,” Aro brought me back to this realm. “Yes,” I whispered that only a vampire could hear. Aros smile only grew wider. Aro extended his hand to me. Edward had said that Aro could see all of your thoughts with a touch. Aro must have seen my hesitation, “It’s okay tesora, I am not going to force you to show all of you yet, we have time for that later,” I pulled my hands to hug myself. I could tell he was clearly disappointed by my action and by his own words, but still he pulled his hand away.  
“Tell me, cara mia, Have the Cullens informed you about vampire mates?” Marcus asked clearly intrigued by me. I shook my head and looked Alice besides me, who wasn’t even looking at me.  
“It’s a linkage between people, like soulmates. It starts of weak so even vampires can’t feel it. But when the bond is nurtured and cared for it blooms, then even the possible humans can feel it. You find your one true love, well except in this case, you have three of those bonds,” Aros words were so gently, like he was nurturing that bond between us. “How do you know?” I asked not sure how impolite I was being. “I can see bonds between people, I can see the mate bond between your sister and Edward, and I can see one between you and us,” Marcus had still a kind smile on his face, like nothing would make him happier than explaining me his power.  
I took a look at Caius whose eyes were on me. But this time he didn’t look like he wanted to kill me. “What is going to happen now?” I asked my eyes still on Caius, not waiting him to answer. “She needs to stay here; she needs to stay safe,” His words must have surprised everyone, because a shock was on everyones face. “Wait, what?” Left my lips, a panic rose in me. I looked at Alice, she wasn’t looking at me, then Bella whose eyes were still on Edward, and Edward who looked at my sister, without a care in the world.
I really started to panic; my eyes roamed everywhere trying to find a one person who would care for me. No one did, not even my fucking sister. “It’s okay, tesora. We just want make sure that the bonds are strong enough, and of course we want to get to know you,” My breath got quicker with every passing second. I started to tunnel vision, “Jane, would you mind taking dear Y/N to get some rest, my room will do just fine,” Aros words didn’t so clear anymore. And then my arm was taken again but this time I didn’t have time to look who it was because unconsciousness took over me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was ripped back to the land of living, by a knock. Before my eyes were even open my body jolted itself to siting. And like clockwork the door opened, and inside walked a blonde girl with heavy black eyeliner around his eyes. And that same black cloak, was she the one I almost walked onto when coming here?
“I see you are awake; the masters will be very pleased; I came to bring you new clothes, call me when you are ready. I have orders to bring you to the masters as soon as you wake up,” The girl said before putting a pile of clothes to the bad and left without saying a word. Once the door was closed. I finally had time to look at the room. It had two room connected, one part was clearly bed room and the other living room.  
I got up and looked at the clothing the girl had left for me. In the pile was a green sun dress, a pair of socks and to my disbelief a pair of silk underwear. Okay, this is kinda weird. So, as quickly I changed my clothes to the new ones, and opened the door and there the girl was standing. Without a word she started to walk, and not seeing any other option i followed her.  
We walked white hallways for God knows how long, before she stopped at one door and opened it before letting me go first, I hesitated to step in, so she gave me push to my back. I stepped inside to a library, with two floors and a big wooden Mahagony table on the middle. And sitting around the table was the three kings. All of their eyes fell upon me, and you could feel the tension building up.  
All the men stood up when me and the girl stepped in to the room. “Thank you, Jane, you can go now,” Aro said and with those words, the girl, Jane was gone and the door closed. I kept my eyes on the floor scared to look at the three in front of me. “Please cara mia, sit down, this all must be so exhausting to you,” Marcus had that same gentle sound to his voice as before. I looked at one of the heavy wooden chairs in front of me and sat down to it. I crossed my legs, hands on my lap under the table so they couldn’t see me playing with them.
“Did you sleep well, tesora” Aro started, and before he even finished I had nodded. I still didn’t look at them, and my heart started to beat up faster and faster. “You don’t have any reason to panic,” Caius surprised me with his words, I thought he hated me. “Caius is right, no one, least of us will bring you any harm here,” Aro confirmed. I nodded again, their words felt comforting but it still isn’t enough to wipe the pit away from my stomach.  
“I am sure you have a lot of questions for us cara mia,” Marcus said sensing my Un comfortability. “Where is my sister?” It felt like the only option as a first question. “She, and the Cullens as well are on their way back to America,” Along silence followed.  
“They left me here?” you could hear the desperation from my voice and I felt myself starting to tremble. They didn’t need to answer for me know that my words were fact. I pressed my lips together, but the tears still started to fell down on my cheeks. I heard a chair moving but I didn’t look up, I could not face them.  
One the chair next to me was moved and when I looked up, I saw Caius’ red eyes. For a moment I thought he would hit me, but his hands just got up to my cheeks and wiped the tears away. His hands were cold but so gentle that I almost forgot the killer in him. He was the first one to touch me, and I could feel a weird pull to lean onto his touch. And that is what I did, I leaned onto his hand and he kept it steady for me to lean on.
“They don’t deserve to make you cry, no one does, amore mio,” His voice had a dangerous edge to it. But I wasn’t scared for myself, I.., I felt protected. A small smile slipped through my lips and they all must have seen it. I hid my face to his hand as best as I could. A small laughter got out in the room. I looked at Caius who had a smile on his face, clearly happy that I had even smiled. I pulled myself off of Caius’ embrace, gently, not wanting to upset him. He understood my sign and he let his hand fall to my lap taking one of my hands to his. But still his hand moved slowly not wanting to scare me away with his actions.  
“What will happen now?” And I finally looked at the men around me. “You will stay here, with us. We of course make sure that you will have as comfortable stay as possible,” Aro said sounding like nothing would make him happier, having me here, even just me looking at them.  
“But how long will I be here, am I like a hostage or something,” I asked and all the happiness of the room was gone in a blink. Caius' hold on my hand got tighter. “You aren’t a hostage; you are a guest. And for how long you will be staying here is up to you. Of course, we would like for you to stay at least that we can get to know you. And for you to get to know us,” Marcus said with his calming voice. I waited a while until I answered.
“So, if a wanted to leave you would allow it?” They didn’t seem with happy with my answer. Aro cleared his throat. “Yes, if you truly wanted. The thing with mate bonds is that you cannot force it, at least not forever. You just need to be open to the idea of the bond and it will bloom,” Then it was my time to clear my throat. And with my free hand a wiped the last of tears off of my face. “Can I ask something...,” They all seemed okay with it. “You said that this mate thing is like soulmates..., and soulmates what I know are always romantic..., so is this mate thing like that?” All of my words were so carefully thought out, but still my heartbeat quickened up. They all relaxed when I got the words out. Marcus even let out a small laughter.  
“No, tesoro, mate bonds are not always romantic. bonds can be whatever the people in the bond decide it being. Romantic, platonic, even just sexual. And one of your bonds being something doesn’t mean all of the other ones will be that same,” Aros words made me heat up. Like they truly understood that this wasn’t easy to process. I nodded. Caius gave a gentle squeeze to my hand.  
“Where will a stay then?” I asked, just wanting to change the subject. Caius’ hand started to play with my fingers and pulling my hand to his lap. “We arranged you a room while you were sleeping, and your stuff has already been transferred, you have nothing to worry about, amore mio” Caius, even while speaking played with my fingers until without a word a was pulled onto Caius’ lap.
Now I was sitting on his lap, his hands wrapped around my body, and his face buried in my neck. My body tensed. And for a moment I thought Caius’ teeth would kill me. But instead, I felt a pair of lips kissing my neck. A smile whine left from my lips. With him pulling me closer I placed my hands to his chest. “What is happening?” I asked between my whines and heavy breaths. “Caius is making up his behavior from our first meeting. Trust me he felt horrible about yesterday,” Aro said laugh in his voice, that I could feel without even looking at him. “Shut up, Aro,” Caius’ words were pressed against my skin before laying another kiss to my neck.  
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laurenairay · 4 years ago
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Unexpected - K. Hayes
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Summary: After being just friends with Kevin for over four years, can you ever be anything more?
Word Count: 10.2k
Warnings: a little angst, a lot of fluff, a smidgen of smut, friends to lovers because that’s my jam
A/N: so this originally started as a blurb which got mildly out of hand and turned into this fic. I have repeated the scene from the blurb to keep the flow the same. I have no regrets. 
This is particularly inspired from Talk About by Seaforth (thanks @antoineroussel!) and Just Friends by Virginia to Vegas (thanks @broadstbroskis!)
@danglesnipecelly @princessphilly @chicagoblackhawkslover96 @himbos-on-ice @whoeverineedtobe @flybabyfly @ipuckwithhockey @antoineroussel @babytkachuks @broadstbroskis @texanstarslove @tippedbykreider @thebookofmags @horsesandhockeyplayers @denis-scorianov @lulucanwrite @rangersftflyers @notaccurateornice @pandorasbox2020 @mattytkachuk19 @whatishockey​ @no-pucks-given​ @fanfics-for-the-hockey-fan​ @troubatrain @joelsfarabee @nuenyyx @miracleonice87
*
A party was never just a simple party when Kevin Hayes was involved. Music was pounding, beer was flowing, shots were poured, and weed was an easy haze on the back porch. You had no idea what the occasion was for one of your oldest friends to be throwing this shindig, but you weren’t complaining. Hanging out with him and relaxing after a long hard day was infinitely better than sitting at home and eating cold pizza. Again.
People always teased you about being so close with Kevin, always hinting that there must be something more between you, but you just laughed it off, knowing that he would never be interested. How could he? He had the perfect hockey WAGs lining up in queues to flirt with him – and you were just his friend. You’d known each other since you both lived in Tribeca years ago, and there had never been anything to even hint at anything more than friends. He’d never flirted with you outside of his natural charm. He’d never made a move on you in the slightest. He’d never shown the smallest bit of interest in anything other than platonic – so you knew how he felt. And to be honest, his friendship was amazing and it was something you never wanted to lose, so why would you put yourself out there when you already knew what the answer would be?
No, being friends with Kevin Hayes was exactly where you were meant to be.
You’d spent a few hours with a rotating cast of Flyers and their better halves, drinking and sharing stories about your mutual friend, but it had been a while since you’d seen him. At least a couple of non-Kevin hours. So what if you got a little needy when you were drinking? How could you not want a hug from your beautiful friend? No, bad drunk brain. Crossing that line was never worth it.
You still wanted that hug though.
So bidding the other drunk partygoers adieu, you wandered about the house in search of Kevin, coming up empty in every room…until you spotted smoke outside the kitchen window. Hah, of course. You knew how much he loved to wind down with a blunt or two. His easygoing nature was one of the things you loved most about him.
Putting down your empty drink, you walked outside, spotting Kevin and Nolan lounging on the outside sofas, Nolan with a blunt in his hand.
“Hey! You’re here!” Kevin grinned.
You shook your head fondly, wafting the pungent smoke out of your face.
“I’ve been here for hours, Kev. You’ve already seen me,” you said, smiling.
Kevin pouted, and Nolan just snickered, making you laugh.
“Weed always makes you forgetful,” you mused, sitting down on the seating next to him.
“Nuh-uh I don’t forget everything,” Kevin shrugged, turning to face you properly, “Not the important things. Like the fact that I love you, you know that right?”
Your jaw dropped slightly as his words hit you. What the everloving fuck? Why would he joke like that?
“Goddamn Kev, how high are you?” you asked, frowning.
Without waiting for him to answer, you looked over at Nolan, who just shrugged.
“I don’t know, he’s pretty baked. But I’m going to let you deal with all of that,” Nolan grimaced, waving a hand in Kevin’s general direction.
You rolled your eyes as he quickly passed Kevin the blunt and walked back inside. Yeah, thanks for the help.
“Why did Patty leave?” Kevin asked, frowning.
“Because he’s allergic to emotions? I don’t know. Maybe he just knows that you’re talking shit and he doesn’t want to deal with it,” you muttered.
“I’m not talking shit,” Kevin shot back, “I love you,”
“No you don’t,” you said, rolling your eyes again.
Seriously? Where had this come from? This wasn’t fair, he couldn’t say that when you knew it wasn’t true. Where had he gotten this lot of weed from? Clearly it didn’t agree with him.
“Yes I do! I know my own feelings,” Kevin insisted.
“Right, yeah, sure you do,” you sighed.
You were neither drunk enough nor high enough for this conversation. This was…not how you expected this evening to go. And just like that, your good mood was ruined.
“You don’t believe me, do you?” Kevin asked softly.
“Not even in the slightest, Kev,” you said, smiling sadly.
Of course you didn’t. Why, after all this time, would he be saying the words you most wanted to hear from him? There was no logic behind it – there was no way it could be true. He’d never ever shown any hint of this to be true.
“I’ll prove it to you,” he said firmly.
And then he placed his hand on your thigh, making you inhale sharply, the warmth of his large hand sending tingles through your body. No.
“This is not the time or place, Kevin,” you said shortly, “You are stoned out of your fucking mind,”
“You said my full name. You never say my full name,” he said sadly.
Of course that’s what he picked up out of that. Clearly he wasn’t going to get any easier to talk to…and while normally that made for some pretty fun conversation, tonight it wasn’t going to happen. And you couldn’t sit around and listen to more of this.
“I’m just going to go,” you sighed, nudging his hand off your thigh and standing upright.
“What? No!” Kevin said, eyes wide and sad.
“I can’t,” you said, forcing a smile, “I can’t stay and hear this, when I know you don’t mean it when you’re sober,”
“But…”
“I’ll send Nolan back out, okay? I’ll…talk to you later, Kev,” you said firmly, interrupting him.
Without waiting for another answer, you quickly walked back into the house, heartbeat racing in your ears and a lump in your throat. At least you didn’t have to go far to look for Nolan – he was standing just inside in the kitchen.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he frowned.
You just shook your head, smiling thinly, not wanting to go into it. “I’m going to go,”
“But he…”
“Kev will be fine – you don’t mind going back out there with him, right?” you said, interrupting.
Nolan pressed his lips together but shook his head. “No, I don’t mind,”
“Good. Good. Um, I’m sure I’ll see you around?” you offered.
Would you? Who knows. How long would you even need before you could see Kevin again without your heart aching?
“Yeah, I’m sure,” Nolan nodded.
You missed the determined look in the younger man’s eyes as you walked away, too intent on locating your jacket without giving in to the tears that were threatening to fall. Sleep, sobering up and some distance – that would help, right?
*
01:21
From: Kevin
Why did you leave?
Please come back?
~
01:57
From: Kevin
I meant it.
I swear I meant it.
Please call me.
~
03:00
Missed call – Kevin
~
10:17
From: Kevin
Fuck I fell asleep.
Are you ignoring me?
Please call me when you get this.
~
10:35
From: Kevin
I get it if you don’t love me back.
But please don’t ignore me, I can’t take that.
Please call me?
We need to talk. Please.
~
10:55
From: Kevin
Please?
~
11:00
To: Kevin
Kev, I can’t do this.
It’s too much.
Please just give me time and space.
~
11:02
From: Nolan
I’ve taken Kev’s phone off him.
His sad face is too much.
I know you asked for space and I’ll make sure he gives it to you.
But please, just think over what he said?
You know he doesn’t say shit he doesn’t mean, not when it’s important.
~
11:17
To: Nolan
Yeah, okay. I’ll think it over.
*
Mornings were generally your worst time of day. But this morning in particular was a terrible one. The slight bleurgh of lingering sleep made you feel groggy enough, but nothing that a quick shower and a slice of buttered toast couldn’t fix. No, this morning was terrible because your heart was still aching from three days ago. You still had no idea what Kevin was playing at, acting like that around you, but it hurt and you knew you weren’t going to be able to forget it any time soon. Kevin’s increasingly desperate text messages and the single message from Nolan hung over you like a bad shadow, but you knew were right about not just giving in straight away – you were still emotional enough now as it was, and you knew it wouldn’t have been a good idea to see Kevin immediately. No, space was exactly what you needed, even if it hurt.
Your second cup of coffee woke you up enough at least to not leave you in a pit of despair. Like Nolan had asked, you’d thought about Kevin’s words over and over again. His declaration of love, out of nowhere. His confusion and sadness and fucking desperation. You know he doesn’t say shit he doesn’t mean, not when it’s important. It still didn’t give you the answer, any answer. Because in your heart, there was still that little whisper of doubt, telling you it wasn’t true, not really. And unless you were 100% sure, there was no way you could take that chance, not with Kevin. His friendship was too important in your life to risk not having it at all, so if it meant needing time to get over him and drag yourself out of this swirling despair then you would take it.
Despair was for people who didn’t have a life to get on with. You had lived long enough without Kevin in your life before you’d met him, and you could damn well succeed in living without his presence for a couple of weeks or so. At least until you’d built up those walls again.
It had been three days and the struggle was real.
Around 9am, you were jolted out of your thoughts by a series of knocks on your front door. With a frown, you walked over to the entrance hallway, and peeked through the peep-hole, only to see Kevin. What the fuck? Why was he here?
He had a sad but determined look on this face, you could see that much – fuck, was he going to say he didn’t mean anything he said that night? That now he’d thought about it properly, it wasn’t real? It was bad enough hearing his emotions from him when high as a kite, but you couldn’t bear for him to admit it was fake when he was sober. But maybe it was what you deserved, seeing as you’d asked for time and space. Fuck. No, you’d definitely done the right thing for you…but had you done the right thing for Kevin?
What you did know for sure was that you couldn’t leave him standing outside, when he knew full well that you had no real plans today. He knew your schedule too well for that. So with a deep breath, you put on a smile and opened the door. There he stood, eyes warm albeit sleepy, that hair so perfectly tousled. Why did he have to hit every single tickbox on your list? How was that fair?
“Look who’s up before midday on an off-day,” you teased, “What are you doing here?”
Kevin smiled at your teasing, but it was as fake as you knew your smile was. Fuck. “I was in the neighbourhood and figured I’d see what you were up to. Mind if I come in?”
Ouch. He definitely wasn’t in the neighbourhood, he was here for one reason only. To talk. Fuck.
But you nodded, letting him past you into your apartment anyway. He’d given you three days’ space, like you’d asked, it was only fair that you let him say his piece now right?
“Coffee?” you asked, shutting the door behind him.
“Yes please,” Kevin groaned, nodding.
Your smile slipped a little as you headed to the kitchen, you heart already aching with the preparation of it being broken completely, but you managed to keep yourself together as you reached for the coffee pot, pouring him a large mug of the caffeinated lifeblood in silence.
“Here you go,” you said as cheerfully as you could manage.
“Thanks,” he said, smiling.
He sat down at the kitchen island, looking up at you with those beautiful big eyes, until you sat down opposite him.
“I still mean it, y’know,” he said bluntly.
You frowned, not understanding. “Mean what?”
“Mean what I said that night. That I love you,”
Oh God. Fuck. Your breath hitched in your throat, your lips parting in surprise. What…what was he doing?
“Kev, please don’t…”
“No, I’m going to,” Kevin interrupted, uncharacteristically solemn, “Because you seem to have some pretty incorrect ideas in your head and I need to set them straight,”
You swallowed heavily, biting your bottom lip. How were you even supposed to respond to that? Kevin saw the anxious look on your face clear as day, his own seriousness softening to a sad smile.
“Patty said you looked pretty upset when you left that night,” he said softly.
You shook your head, desperate for a sliver of control. “I wasn’t upset, I-”
“Even if he hadn’t spent the last three days ripping into me, I know you were upset. You’ve never just left like that,” Kevin said firmly.
Normally, you hated being interrupted. But in this case, you really had nothing else you could say. Nothing that you could say, not when he knew you so well.
“No, I haven’t,” you sighed, leaning back in your chair.
“I’m sorry that me confessing how I felt made you leave but I wasn’t messing around! I was trying gather the high courage to tell you, after all this time!” Kevin said desperately.
Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.
He was serious, wasn’t he? Of course he had to bulldoze right through, in typical Kevin Hayes style.
But Kevin took your silence the wrong way.
“How could you not have known?” he frowned.
“How could I possibly have known, Kev? I’ve seen you flirting with women before – and you’re never like that around me. How could I have known that you wanted anything more than friendship when you’ve never acted like it?” you retorted.
Kevin’s cheeks flushed, and he ducked his head briefly, before he looked back up at you. Fuck, he looked a little sad? Like...like he was about to genuinely open up his heart. Fuck.
“I always thought you weren’t interested in me. Why would you be interested in dumb stoner Kevin? I figured if I could only ever have you as a friend then I would latch onto that, because having you in my life in any way is so much better than not having you in my life at all,” he said sadly.
You had never heard him this eloquent before. To be honest, it made your heart ache all over again. But he was never like this…why now?
“Are you still high?” you asked, frowning.
Kevin laughed dryly, shaking his head. “Why do I have to be high to tell you how I feel?”
“Because that’s literally the only time you’ve ever said it before?” you said, raising an eyebrow.
Kevin groaned softly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck.
“You know meaningful stuff doesn’t come all that easily to me,” he huffed.
“I also know you’re not just Kevin-the-hockey-playing-himbo-from-Boston,” you pointed out, smiling slightly.
Kevin laughed softly. “You always have figured me out pretty well,”
“I’m just not a mind reader,” you mused.
He laughed again, nodding his head. “I guess I just…I saw you and I had to say it. I’ve liked you for years, sweetheart, ever since we lived in Tribeca. And I thought, maybe, just maybe, you getting your job transferred to Philly meant that it was finally our time. But it never happened. Maybe it was the weed. Maybe it was the weed and how beautiful you looked combined that actually took down those barriers which have kept me from blurting out my feelings in the past. But I swear to you, I meant every word,”
Sweetheart. Wow. Never had that word affected you more. You swallowed heavily, looking down at your hands. It was true that you’d always been able to read him well – and he was being so sincere right now that it had your stomach tied in knots. He really meant it, didn’t he? He really meant…that he loves you. That he’s loved you for years. Fuck.
It was everything you’d hoped to hear, and you’d spent the last three days trying to convince yourself he didn’t mean it. But he really did mean it, didn’t he?
“Say it again,” you murmured.
The grin that spread across Kevin’s lips sent a shiver up your spine.
“I love you,” he said clearly, firmly, looking directly into your eyes.
Your breath hitched in your throat, butterflies exploding in your stomach. Fuck that was so good to hear. Holy fucking shit.
“Kevin…” you whispered helplessly.
“I gotta know…because I’m holding onto a scrap of hope that you feel the same…do you…”
He trailed off, his voice a little desperate, a little lost, and you found yourself nodding like an idiot, tears springing to your eyes. If he could be brave, then so could you.
“Yes, Kev, I do. I love you so much,” you admitted.
Kevin laughed in triumph, a little incredulous, and he quickly stood up from the island, taking one large step towards you, and tugging you to stand up on your feet too.
“Fuck, fuck, can I kiss you?” he asked, happiness sparkling in his eyes.
You found yourself laughing, but nodded and clutched at his sweater, holding on in case your weak knees gave out on you. Kevin grinned, resting his forehead against yours briefly, before he closed the distance between you with a firm kiss. You couldn’t help but melt into his arms, kissing him back just as eagerly, throwing your arms around his neck a little desperately as his tongue slid against yours. His hands went to your hips and he easily picked you up to place you on the kitchen counter, and you gasped into his mouth at how effortless the motion was, moaning a little as he just stepped right in between your legs. It felt like second nature to hook your legs around his waist, pulling your bodies even closer together, earning a soft moan from the man that sent a pulse of heat right between your thighs. Fuck.
“Kev, wait, we shouldn’t…” you gasped, tilting your head back to break the kiss.
Because as much as you wanted to hop right into bed with him, you needed to let him know that this wasn’t all this was for you. It couldn’t be.
“Fuck, you gotta know this is more than sex for me, right?” Kevin groaned, eyes a little wild as he looked down at you.
How did he always know what to say?
“Again, I’m not a mind reader,” you laughed.
Kevin laughed as well, ducking his head to press gentle kisses into the soft skin of your neck.
“I want to take you out on so many dates. I want to tell my mom about you properly rather than just mention you in passing. I want to ignore Patty crowing in the locker room that he gave me the kick up the ass that I needed. I want to tell Brady and Jimmy that I finally took a chance. I want to show you off to the world as my girlfriend,” Kevin murmured between kisses, finishing with a nip to your earlobe.
Fuck. That was all that you wanted, and he was offering it up on a silver platter.
“I want that too,” you gasped, tilting your head more to the side.
You felt Kevin smile against your skin, nipping at you again before he lifted his head to look at you properly.
“Now can I kiss you again?” Kevin asked hopefully.
You laughed but nodded, threading your fingers through his messy curls. “You can kiss me any time you want,”
Kevin grinned and did just that.
*
Pulling into the practice arena, Kevin realised he still had a stupid smile on his face. He’d spent all morning at your apartment, mostly making out on the sofa with a little talking dotted throughout, and he’d only been able to tear himself away because Nolan had texted to remind him about the mandatory afternoon practice today. Obviously he would much rather have stayed with you, especially now that he knew what it was like to kiss you, how your lips felt against his, how easy it was to hold you in his arms, but if he skipped practice there would be hell to pay.
That, and he now knew how easily he could get carried away, how easily he could get lost in you. He hadn’t lied when he said that this was more than sex for him. Loving you was everything – overwhelming, all-consuming and wonderful – and there was no way he was going to let sex ruin that. As much as he already knew it would be incredible. He’d waited four years to be in your bed more than platonically, he could wait a little longer. Especially now that he knew you loved him too.
Fuck, you were finally his. He could finally call you his girlfriend. Fuck.
Kevin was so lost in his thoughts as he parked his car, that he didn’t notice a familiar figure walking up to him, and flinched as they knocked on the window. Nolan. Fuck.
“Way to give me a heart attack, baby cat,” Kevin groaned as he got out of the car.
“You made me catch a lift with Teeks last minute – now we’re even,” Nolan smirked.
Kevin just laughed, rolling his eyes as he pulled his bag out of his car and locked it. When he turned back to look at his friend, he saw that Nolan looked incredibly smug, almost unbearably so, and steeled himself for an interrogation. He hadn’t exactly been forthcoming in his text earlier to say that Nolan would have to find his own way to practice. Oops.
“Please tell me you came from your New York girl’s place,”
Hah, your New York girl. When you’d first moved job to Philadelphia, Kevin had referred to you as ‘a girl friend from New York’, to try to play it cool, to try to hide how excited he was that you were finally going to be reunited…and the name had stuck. Pretty much everyone on the team, including some who’d been traded away, referred to you as ‘your New York girl’, mainly because of how red Kevin had blushed when Claude had called you that when you’d first met the team.
The team liked teasing their usually-unflappable teammate.
You liked that Kevin talked about you in the first place.
Kevin just liked that people had always called you his.
“Yeah, I did,” Kevin shrugged, trying to play it cool.
But Nolan just rolled his eyes, not having any of it.
“You two talked right? Like, actually talked,” Nolan asked firmly.
That and other things. But Nolan didn’t need to know that. Kevin just smirked, nodding, and laughed as Nolan whooped.
“I swear to god I’m not getting those three days back, you owe me so bad. And I’m claiming victory for this matchmaking,” Nolan grinned.
“Meddling more like it,” Kevin mused, rolling his eyes, “You got the result you wanted though,”
“I did?”
“You did,”
“Fucking finally,” Nolan groaned.
“Finally what?”
Kevin turned his head to see Claude walking up behind them and winced. If Nolan kept his mouth shut then maybe Kevin had a chance of not being ridiculed for the entirety of practice…
“Hayesy ditched me to finally talk about his feelings,” Nolan smirked.
Oof.
“With your New York girl? Fucking finally,” Claude grinned.
One day that nickname would fade. One day.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Better late than never,” Kevin mused.
“Only took you a few years,” Nolan snorted.
Four long miserable years. But who was counting.
“Well I’m glad you finally took a chance. Fuck knows it’s been painful enough watching the two of you dance around each other,” Claude teased, before his face suddenly went serious, “She returned your feelings, right? Like, fuck-”
“She did,” Kevin said, interrupting, “She loves me too,”
Saying it out loud like that made him grin, earning laughter from his two teammates.
“Thank fuck for that,” Claude huffed, teasing with a grin of his own.
Thank fuck indeed.
*
From: Kevin
Dinner at mine tonight?
I’ve got that wine you like…
~
To: Kevin
You had me at wine.
What time do you want me?
~
From: Kevin
I always want you.
I’ll have food ready for 7pm.
But come over whenever!
~
To: Kevin
You ridiculous flirt.
Can’t wait to see you.
~
Kevin’s messages kept a smile on your face for the rest of your work day, and you didn’t bother going back to your apartment after work – heading straight to his place was all you could think about, so that’s all that you did. And the smile that he greeted you with when he opened the door – bright, genuine, happy – told you that you’d made the right decision.
“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Kevin murmured, tugging you against his body.
You couldn’t help but laugh, leaning into his hold as he shut the door behind you. “Flattery will get you everywhere,” you grinned.
Kevin grinned back. “Good to know,”
You rolled your eyes fondly, leaning up on your tiptoes to press your lips to his in a soft kiss, smiling at the happy noise he made as you embraced sweetly, your arms sliding up his chest and around his neck. Fuck, even just knowing that you could do this now, kiss him whenever you wanted, sent a shiver up your spine, let alone how good it felt to brush your tongue against his. It was like the floodgates had opened – now that you could kiss him, touch him, hold him, you never wanted to stop. You took every opportunity, and Kevin was exactly the same – maybe even more so, with the way his hands always seemed to stray to your ass.
The kisses eventually slowed to a few gentle pecks, Kevin looking a little stunned even as he tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.
“Hi,” you murmured.
“Hi,” he said back, a little helplessly.
Both of you laughed, Kevin resting his forehead against yours briefly before he stepped backwards a little, taking both of your hands with his.
“I gotta finish up some dinner prep, but I can pour you a glass of wine while you wait?” he suggested.
Sweet, thoughtful man.
“That sounds perfect to me,” you nodded, squeezing his hands in agreement.
Dinner was perfect. Wonderful. Incredible. It was only a simple pasta dish, but full of vegetables and spices and flavour, and the fact that Kevin had clearly poured time and effort into making this for the two of you made it even more special. Sitting across from him at the dinner table, each talking about your days, Kevin making your sides ache with laughter…it was all you could ever have dreamed of.
Was it all too good to be true?
That niggling thought followed you to the sofa after you’d finished eating, Kevin joining you with two fresh glasses of wine. He spotted your creased forehead and frown immediately, like you feared knew he would.
“What’s that face for?” Kevin mused, raising an eyebrow.
Sometimes it was a blessing how easily he could read you. But you weren’t sure if now was one of those times. As his smile started to slip, you took a deep breath, steeling yourself. There was no point in hiding your thoughts from him. Honesty and communication were a good thing, right?
“I guess I’m just nervous, that’s all,” you admitted.
Kevin frowned to match you, his eyes immediately going serious. “Nervous? Why?”
“Things are just different now. You know that,”
Kevin’s frown immediately shifted to a smile, making your heart beat a little faster. His faith in you was mindblowing. “It’s just you and me, how it’s always been. How it always should be. Nothing’s different about that,”
But still you shook your head, smiling fondly. “I know you as Kevin-the-friend. I don’t know you as Kevin-the-boyfriend. It’s whole new territory…and I have a horrible thought in my mind saying that it’s all too good to be true,”
Kevin’s face fell again at your words, and he quickly put his wine glass on the coffee table, shaking his head as he reached out to take one of your hands in his. Your breath hitched in your throat at the emotion in his eyes, like it genuinely hurt him to hear the words that came out of your mouth, and you put your own glass down on the floor with a wince.
“Are you…having second thoughts? About…us?” he said quietly, like the words left a bitter taste in his mouth.
You quickly shook your head – you knew that wasn’t it. Not even close. But still…
“What is it then?” Kevin asked, confused.
Here goes nothing. “Sometimes it doesn’t feel real, us being together. Like I’m going to wake up and you’re going to want to only be just friends. It scares me,”
“Shit,” Kevin groaned, eyes closing briefly.
When his eyes reopened his eyes to look at you once more, the fire in his expression startled you…but also made your mouth go dry. That intensity was a good look on him, one you hadn’t seen directed your way before. Fuck.
“Sweetheart, I can’t predict the future. Hell, I can barely figure out what to make for breakfast, let alone where our relationship is going to go. But I do know one thing for certain,” he said firmly.
You swallowed heavily, letting out a shaky breath. “And what’s that?”
“That I want us to have a future. That I am all in. I’m putting my whole heart into this baby, and I just wish I knew what to do so you would believe me,”
Fuck, you did believe him. You absolutely did believe him. How could you not, when you could feel his heart so strongly?
“Kev, I…” you trailed off, a little helpless, not sure where to start.
“What can I do?” he asked, eyes a little desperate.
“I don’t know! I wish I knew. I want this to work so badly,” you murmured.
“All we can do is put the hard work in, right?” he said firmly, eyes bright and shining, “Like, if we both try with our whole hearts, then it’s got to be worth it, right? We’ve been friends for years – that isn’t going to change. We have that foundation already. Now we’re just taking that next step, learning more about each other, rather than starting something scary from scratch,”
Your eyes filled with tears at his heartfelt words, and you found yourself nodding before you could stop yourself.
“It’s still scary…but it could be scarier,” you agreed, biting your bottom lip.
Kevin nodded, smiling encouragingly, to which you let out a shaky breath.
“And no matter what, we’re in this together, yeah? We’ve got each other, more so than ever before,” he said softly.
Your eyes dropped to where his thumb ran back and forth over your hand, a small smile spreading across your lips. “I like the sound of that,”
Kevin’s shoulders seemed to relax a little, like he was letting out tension, sending a guilty pang through your body. Fuck, there you go, making him feel bad again.
“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, shrinking back a little.
“Hey, no, no apologies. I’m glad you told me,” he replied, shaking his head, “I’d rather we talked about stuff like this than let it build up to something ugly, y’know?”
He had a good point – you couldn’t imagine having a nasty all-out fight with Kevin, and you didn’t want to. He was one of your oldest friends for a reason, and you didn’t want to lose that through a stupid fight, no way.
“Same goes for you too, yeah? You can…should talk to me about anything that worries you,” you said softly.
Kevin smiled, nodding. “Alright, it’s a deal,”
He reached out to pick up his wine glass from the table, holding it towards you in a ‘cheers’ motion, making you laugh. But you picked up your glass from the floor anyway, and clinked it with his, both of you taking a long drink. Kevin was uncharacteristically quiet for a moment, before he quirked a smile your way.
“Let me take you out, show you what Kevin-the-boyfriend is like,” he suggested, “Let me show you that this new thing between us is going to be something amazing,”
How could you say no to that?
“I’d like that,” you grinned, relaxing into the sofa a bit more, “I already know I love Kevin-the-friend…so I think I need to meet Kevin-the-boyfriend properly,”
And as stupid as it felt saying those words out loud, you knew you were right – you needed to see this next stage in your relationship clearly, to banish away those niggling doubts. It was still Kevin, right? Just…more.
Kevin stretched his leg out onto the sofa, nudging your hip with his foot with a big smile on his face, nudging nudging nudging until you gripped his ankle tightly with your free hand, raising an eyebrow. All you got in return was his eyebrows wiggling at you, a stupid grin on his face.
“This is going to be great, you’ll see,” Kevin said cheerfully.
You were counting on it.
*
A first date was always something to be nervous about, right? Shaky hands, pounding heart, butterflies in the stomach, sweaty palms…it was all natural, right? Because you were experiencing all of these things while you got ready for your date with Kevin.
But was it truly nerves? You weren’t nervous as in apprehensive. No, not at all. Any time you spent with Kevin was always full of warmth and laughter, even when you were just friends, and you knew that tonight would be so different. No, it was nervous as in excited. Nervous butterflies? Shaky giddiness? Whatever it was, it was more than a little overwhelming, but it only took one glance at the last text Kevin sent you to keep a smile on your face.
~
From: Kevin
I can’t wait to see you, beautiful 💖
~
Simple, but effective. He always knew what to do and say, even when he didn’t know he was doing it. So instead of getting cold feet or freaking out, all you did was put on your favourite playlist and bop around while you got yourself ready. You’d already gotten your usual leg and bikini wax this morning, having planned to wear a slinky black dress with bare legs, and as soon as you shimmied into the dress you knew it was the right choice. Figure hugging without being clingy, sexy as well as classy – a little black dress is a classic for a reason. After putting on a little makeup and a pair of your favourite heels, you were ready.
Kevin had insisted on picking you up so he could drive the two of you to the restaurant, rather than meeting there, and he arrived to yours right on time. But as you opened the front door of your apartment to greet him, his face was a little stunned, and he was uncharacteristically silent. Huh.
“Everything okay, Kev?” you asked hesitantly.
He quickly nodded, the stunned look on his face slipping into a wide smile.
“You just look so beautiful. Caught me off guard,” he shrugged.
You felt your cheeks heat up with warmth, and you batted your hand at his chest, making him laugh. Ridiculous man.
“Well, you scrub up pretty well yourself,” you teased.
A crisp white button-up shirt, a nice fitted pair of jeans and tailored jacket? Such a good look on him. Kevin just grinned at your words, ducking his head to kiss you softly, making your breath hitch in your throat. Yeah, this was going to be a good night.
“Ready to go?” he asked, as he broke the embrace.
“Yeah, let me just grab a jacket,”
The drive to the restaurant was short and smooth – a Spanish tapas place, on recommendation from Claude – and you were shown to your table immediately, Kevin pulling out your chair for you with a bright smile on his face.
“Welcome! Here are your menus – would you like to see the drinks menu too, or do you know what you would like?”
You looked from the waiter to Kevin with a shrug, to see him looking at you with a hopeful smile. Huh. He already planned this out, didn’t he? So you just nodded at him and smiled back.
“Can we have a glass of Rosado each?” Kevin asked, smiling effortlessly.
“Of course, I will be back momentarily,”
As the waiter walked away, you raised an eyebrow at Kevin, who just shrugged a little bashfully.
“I never have any clue which wine goes with what. So I asked Claude when he recommended this place – a few of the guys around us chimed in with their thoughts too, and apparently Rosado goes with tomato-y garlic-y things. I figured that’s the majority of what we’d be eating, so I hope that’s okay” Kevin explained.
The fact that he had put so much thought into tonight, asking his friends and really researching, made your heart clench, and it was all you could do to nod. He really was so sweet – no-one had ever put in this much effort for you before.
A silence fell over you for a moment, not awkward, but still not fully comfortable, until you looked at Kevin and the both of you huffed out a laugh.
“This is weird, right?” you giggled.
“Nah, not if we don’t let it be,” he shrugged, smiling.
His ease and nonchalance was something to be jealous of, that much was true.
“So confident, Mr Hayes,” you mused, raising an eyebrow.
“Easy to be confident when I’ve got the most beautiful person in the room sitting opposite me,” he replied smoothly.
Oh so smooth.
“Kev…” you groaned, hiding your face with a hand.
“Come on, I’ve been wanting to say these things for years! Indulge me,” he teased.
Years. The very thought of it sent a shiver down your spine.
“You think I haven’t had my moments of weakness? Where I’ve thought about us over the years?” you asked simply, raising an eyebrow as you lowered your hand back into your lap.
Kevin inhaled sharply, making you smile. Good.
“I like that you have. Thought about us, I mean. I just can’t believe how stupid we’ve been. We’ve wasted so much time,” Kevin sighed.
You reached across the table, resting your hand on top of his with a smile. “We’re here now, right? That’s all that matters,”
“Yeah exactly,” he nodded.
Then he bit his bottom lip, as if he was hesitating on something, making you smile a little more.
“What is it, Kev?” you asked softly.
He stayed silent for another beat or two, before he looked at you intensely.
“I see my future with you, sweetheart,” he blurted. Oh wow. “And yeah, maybe that’s too soon to say, but this isn’t some brand new fresh thing – this has been building for years, and now that we’re finally together, it just feels so right, y’know?”
Your heart clenched at his sweet words, and you couldn’t stop the smile that spread across your lips. Fuck. Who knew a hockey player could be so open and in touch with their feelings? Well, it was Kevin after all. Might as well speak your own thoughts too.
“It does feel so right. I’ve never felt anything for anyone like I feel for you,” you admitted.
Kevin’s answering smile was a little stunned and a little helpless. “Fuck, same. Same for me,”
You ignored the butterflies filling your stomach, looking down at the menu in front of you to stop your smile going stupid. What was it about this man that made you feel so different? His honesty? His smile? His laugh? Fuck, all of that and more. All you did know was that you didn’t want it to stop.
The date continued on to become the best date you had ever been on. Not that you were surprised – it was Kevin after all, and you already knew there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do if it would make you smile. And you were quickly learning how true it was for you too. Having all that adoration, that attention, that smile focused solely on you? It was addictive, and you didn’t want it directed towards anyone else. You wanted his whole heart, you knew that much already, and you could only hope that he wanted the same from you.
Both of you only had one glass of wine with your food, as Kevin was driving you home, and by the time the two of you had reached the front door of your apartment (Kevin had insisted on walking you to your front door, even though it was an apartment building), you felt giddy. Giddy and ridiculous and unbelievably happy. This was it, this was what you had been waiting for. This moment, this knowledge, that same confidence in this thing with Kevin that he’d had all along. You only wished it hadn’t taken you so long.
But you were here now, that’s all that mattered. You and Kevin, together. As it should be.
As you unlocked your front door, you felt yourself pausing in the doorway, Kevin making a questioning noise as you stopped moving. You bit your bottom lip gently, before taking a deep breath to steel your nerves. “Do you want to come in?” you asked, looking up into those beautiful blue eyes.
Kevin’s lips parted in surprise, a stunned expression filling his face.
“Like, come in come in?” he asked, voice a little breathy.
The sheer want in his voice made you shiver, and you knew you’d made the right decision in asking him. You could basically taste the tension between you as you nodded slowly, Kevin swaying forward as if he couldn’t help himself.
But then he stopped, freezing still, making you frown.
“Are you sure? Like, it’s not too soon?” he forced out, eyes a little wild.
So you quickly shook your head, smiling at him checking.
“Kev, it’s us, right?”
He’d been saying it for weeks, that being together was just a next step in your strong foundation of friendship, so both of you giving in to that obvious desire wouldn’t ruin anything at all. You wanted him…he wanted you…so why not take things up another notch?
“Yeah, it’s us. Endgame, baby,” Kevin grinned.
And just like that, the tension burst like a balloon, making you laugh. Yeah, this was the man you were in love with alright.
“Come on loverboy,” you laughed, rolling your eyes fondly, “Let’s not give my neighbours a show,”
Kevin smirked, wiggling his eyebrows as he followed you into your apartment, making you laugh all over again. There was none of that nervous apprehension you’d felt with other guys before – it was all just excitement, fizzing and buzzing through your skin, and your mind swirled with ideas.
Stripping him down slowly, piece by piece.
Getting your mouth on him, every inch of his body, especially his cock.
Having him pin you down on your bed, all gorgeous 6ft5 of him surrounding you in the best way.
Fuck.
“I’ve been thinking about getting my hands on you since I saw you in that dress,”
Kevin’s soft words tore you out of your lustful thoughts, and you moaned softly at the shiver it sent up your spine. Fuck yes, you were getting laid tonight and it was going to be good.
“Then how about you get your hands on me?” you suggested, corner of your lips lifting up in a smirk.
He wasted no time in pressing you into the nearest wall, barely making it out of the entrance hallway, and you laughed as his hands went straight to your ass.
“Feeling better?” you mused, toying with the top button of his shirt.
This wasn’t a fiery desperate rush, crashing about, rough and riling up – no this was a slow build-up of lust and want, much like your relationship had been a slow build-up. No, this was a slow seduction, sweet and all-consuming, bodies moving in sync and taking what they wanted. And you couldn’t fucking wait.
“Hmm, a little,” Kevin grinned back.
“Only a little huh?” you teased.
“Oh I have a few ideas of what could help,” he murmured.
The flash of heat in his eyes sent a flare of heat through your body, and you couldn’t help but to dart your tongue out to wet your bottom lip, Kevin’s eyes tracking the motion, making you smile. But you had no time to tease him before he took your lips in a kiss, making you whimper at how quickly it got heated before Kevin broke away with a gasp, leaving your head spinning.
“So that’s one idea,” he grinned.
Oh fuck, this man was going to ruin you. But not before you ruined him a little bit first.
“What’s your next idea?” you breathed.
Kevin just grinned, stepping backwards a little bit, making you whine before you could stop yourself.
“Stay right where you are, beautiful. Keep your eyes on me,”
That you could do. You dramatically placed your hands against the wall, making him laugh as he dropped his jacket carelessly to the floor, and his fingers went to the top button of his shirt. He kept his eyes on you as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, revealing his strong broad chest inch by inch until he was able to drop it to the floor, leaving him in just his jeans. Fuck. You would never be able to get enough of the sight of him like this, let alone the touch (and you couldn’t wait for the taste) – the strength in his shoulders, his chest, his core, his arms…fuck.
“Get back over here,” you said, voice low and rough.
Kevin inhaled sharply, and he wasted no time in stumbling back over to you, arms caging you in against the wall in a way that made you want.
“Great second idea. What’s next?” you breathed.
Fuck. This was winding you up and up and up and you knew the night had barely even started.
“I want…can I taste you?” he blurted.
What? But before you could ask what he meant, Kevin dropped to his knees, making you gasp. Oh fuck. Oh yes.
“You want to be on your knees for me?” you asked, swallowing heavily.
“Yeah, so bad,” Kevin nodded, a little desperate.
Well how could you say no to that?
Biting your bottom lip, you reached up under your dress, hooking your fingers into the sides of your panties and tugging them down. Kevin whined as his view was blocked by the skirt of your dress but you just grinned. This was the least he deserved for stripping his shirt off so slowly. You let your panties drop to the floor when they were past the thickness of your thighs and slowly stepped out of them, kicking them to one side.
His move.
Kevin’s eyes were wide and dark as he raised his hands to rest on your thighs, lips slightly parted.
“Please, can I?” he murmured, thumbs brushing under the skirt hem.
Fuck. This was all too much, the desire, his patience, his asking. Bring it on.
“Yeah, go ahead,” you nodded, inhaling sharply.
He slowly dragged the skirt of your dress up to your hips, moaning softly under his breath when you were revealed bare to him. One of his hands bunched up the dress to hold it in place, the other placed large and firm on your thigh, and his thumb lightly stroked over the wetness in your folds…before he stopped.
Kevin looked up at you, wordless asking one last time. And you just nodded, too overwhelmed in the moment to utter any words, your heart racing at the very sight of him kneeling so comfortably between your thighs. With a smile, he shuffled a little closer to you, ducking his head to place a reverent kiss to your clit, making you gasp, earning a soft laugh.
“Fuck, sweetheart,” Kevin mumbled, mostly to himself.
Then he ducked his head down and dove right in, tongue running over your folds in a wide stripe, his tongue flicking at your clit in a way that made you gasp. Fuck. How was he so good at this, straight off the bat? You could feel him smirking against your skin, before his tongue flicked at your clit again, and you couldn’t stop your hips bucking to chase the feeling. Fuck. The hand holding your dress out of the way adjusted to rest across your hips, pinning you to the wall, as his tongue ran back and forth over your core, gathering and tasting your wetness, dipping in and out of you, making you clench down on nothing. You didn’t hold back the soft moans that spilled from your lips, your body trembling with how good he made you feel. But as you clenched down empty again, you knew you could feel even better.
“More, Kev, please?” you begged.
“Fuck, that’s hot,” he groaned, resting his forehead against your hip.
You giggled, pushing his hair out of his eyes so he would look up at you.
“I want more,” you said firmly, eyes holding his in challenge.
And fuck did he rise to the challenge.
Kevin buried his face back between your thighs, eagerly running his tongue back and forth over you, into you, winding you up higher and higher, until he backed off to just sucking on your clit. Then you realised why he’d changed tactic, as his fingers moved to trail through your folds. With a fingertip teasing at your entrance, Kevin looked up at you, those big blue eyes questioning, and it was all you could do to nod. Leisurely Kevin slid a finger into you, letting you get used to the intrusion before he started to move it, gentle and slow, sending sparks up your spine and making your eyes clench shut. Then his teeth scraped over your clit and you wailed at the electricity that shot through your body, eyes flying open to glare down at him, wild and weak-kneed. Kevin’s eyes just sparkled with laughter, and he wasted no time in sliding in a second finger, sucking at your clit in the same rhythm in which he fucked his fingers into you. Fuck. You could feel a familiar heat start to build and you moaned – it wasn’t fair how quickly he learned the cues of your body.
Two can play at that game.
“You look so good on your knees for me,” you breathed, running your fingers through his messy hair.
Kevin’s eyes flashed with fire as he moaned at your words, sending a shockwave through you, making you gasp. Good. He leaned back slightly, tongue darting out over his swollen lips, before he smirked.
“You look so good with my fingers inside you,” he rasped back, curling both fingers over and over again in a come hither motion, “Going to look even better on my cock,”
Game, set, and match. Fuck. You cried out as the onslaught of his fingers sent you crashing through your high, Kevin smirking before he returned his tongue to lick between the two digits, prolonging the wave of pleasure until you were shaking and overwhelmed. Kevin backed off a little bit, leaning back to sit on his heels, but his face radiated smugness, of a job well done, even as the hard line of his cock strained against the denim of his jeans.
It was all you could do to fall to your knees to join him, straddling his lap lightly as you fought to regain control over your breathing, his hands going straight to your hips where your dress had fallen back down.
“Fuck, Kev,” you said with a shaky laugh.
He just smirked, wiggling his eyebrows, making you laugh for real. Ridiculous man. Without saying another word, you rested one hand against his bare chest, lifting the other hand to cup his face. You stroked your thumb over the wetness lingering on his bottom lip, before pressing down lightly on that lip to get him to open his mouth, and Kevin took the hint straight away, accepting your thumb into his mouth. You couldn’t take your eyes away from the sight of him closing his plush lips around it, sucking the wetness away, the same wetness that was still between your thighs.
Then his teeth scraped over the pad of your thumb, imitating his treatment of your clit, making you moan and clench down on nothing, even more evident where your thighs were spread across his lips.
“You’re such a tease,” you gasped, pulling your thumb free.
“Not a tease if I’m planning on following through,” Kevin said simply, smirk still playing with his expression.
The intensity in his eyes paired with the way his hands squeezed your hips sent a shiver up your spine, and you let a small smirk of your own drift across your lips.
“Hmm, yes, you said something about how good I’ll look with your cock inside me?” you murmured.
The noise that tore from Kevin’s throat was barely human, more feral than anything else, and the want in his eyes sent a wave of heat through your body. Fuck, yes.
“Fuck, yes,” he groaned, “I know I just said it in the heat of the moment, but do you…do you want…”
“Yeah, Kev, I want,” you nodded quickly.
Kevin all but growled. “Hook your legs around my waist,” he said firmly.
What?
And then you felt his abs tense, as Kevin anchored himself to stand up from the floor with you in his arms, and you shrieked as you hurried to do as he said, hooking your ankles together against the swell of his ass.
“Fuck, that’s hot,” you breathed, arms firmly around his neck as he held you securely.
It was all you could do not to think about how your bare core was pressed against his abs. Fuck.
“Yeah?” he smirked.
You rolled your eyes fondly. “Take me to bed, Kev,”
Kevin swallowed heavily, his eyes flashing dark and serious.
“Yes ma’am,”
*
A party was never just a simple party when Kevin Hayes was involved. Music was pounding, beer was flowing, shots were poured, and weed was an easy haze on the back porch. At all the parties he’d thrown like this in the past, you’d always drifted to and from him, flitting from group to group just like he did, always separate. But this time, no – this time you were sitting on the sofa with his arm wrapped around your waist, leaning into his body because now you could.
And fuck did it feel good.
“So, tell us, how does it feel to be finally be called Kevin’s girl, rather than Kevin’s New York girl?” Claude grinned.
Ah yes, that nickname. Finally, it could die.
“Feels pretty fucking sweet actually,” you said simply.
Everyone on the sofas around you burst into laughter, and you could feel the rumble of Kevin’s own laughter deep in his chest. You couldn’t help but look up at him with a smile, earning an adoring smile back, as well as a soft kiss. Yeah, this was exactly where you wanted to be. 
 “How did you two actually meet?” Ryanne asked, smiling, “Like, I know you’ve been friends for years…but how?”
You found yourself smiling as you looked back up at Kevin, and he smiled down at you. It was true, you really had been friends with him for years at this point. And your first meeting was pretty funny.
“Go ahead,” Kevin shrugged.
His loss.
“Alright, so it went like this…”
~
Sunday night was grocery run night – and this week was no different. You walked into the lobby of your apartment building with both your arms full, trying to figure out how you were going to call the elevator, when you noticed a very tall guy already waiting, the elevator call button pressed. Huh, that solved that problem.
He smiled as you stopped next to him, giving you a little nod. “Hey,”
Holy shit this guy is hot. No, not the time. Tall…hot…great smile…no, focus. Be cool.
“Oh hey, you’re one of the new guys, right?” you smiled, tilting your head to look up at him.
“Yeah, I’m Kevin. I just got a place with my buddies Jimmy and Brady. A couple of floors up from you, right?”
Oh wow. He froze as your eyes widened in surprise, and groaned.
“I swear I’m not a creep?” he offered, wincing, “I’m just really good with faces,”
For some reason, you believed him. Call it intuition, or vibes, or whatever. This guy was being genuine. Huh.
“I guess I’ll have to take your word for it,” you teased.
His shoulders slumped a little as if releasing tension, making you smile. As if by fate, the elevator pinged its arrival, and Kevin gestured for you to enter first before following you in.
“So,”
“So,”
You couldn’t help but laugh as you spoke in unison, Kevin just grinning. Oops.
“Go ahead,” you mused.
“I was going to say, if you fancy meeting my other flatmates too, we’re having a little housewarming of sorts. Like, a bunch of our friends are coming over, sort of a drop in and out whenever time kind of thing. It’d be nice to meet you properly, and show you I’m not actually a weirdo? Friday, if you’re free?”
Oh wow. That was really…sweet? Sure, it could blow up in your face, and he could actually be a creep…but again, those intuitive vibes were saying he wasn’t. And it definitely beats sitting at home and eating cold pizza. Again.
And damn, if his flatmates looked anything like him? Eye candy for days.
“Friday huh? I could do Friday,” you said simply, trying to keep your cool.
His answering smile let you know you’d made the right decision.
~
“…and after that, we became really good friends, all four of us. He never flirted with me after that time in the elevator and I tried my hardest not to flirt with him. I stayed in touch with Kev when he went to the Jets and then here to the Flyers, and he was one of the first people I got in contact with when my job moved me to Philadelphia. And then everything changed a few weeks ago. The rest is history,” you shrugged.
Kevin grinned, although he definitely had a blush on his cheeks.
“You were such a creep,” Claude said, laughing.
Kevin blushed a little fiercer. “It just came out! Of course I noticed the prettiest girl in the building – that was the least awful way I could’ve said it,”
You rolled your eyes as his friends hooted and jeered, although you felt your cheeks heat up with warmth.
“Just couldn’t help yourself, huh?” you teased.
“I got there in the end, didn’t I?” he shot back with a dramatic wink.
“Only took you a few years,” Nolan snorted.
Kevin just grinned, unashamed.
It may have taken a few years, but Kevin was right – you had gotten there in the end. All the years of self-doubt and insecurity, thinking you’d never be more than just friends, had resulted in a beautiful – if unexpected – relationship. A build-up of such a solid foundation of friendship over the past four years had already given you the opportunity to learn so much about him – and you couldn’t wait to learn even more. To learn about Kevin, the boyfriend. And, maybe even more than that, if you were lucky. Yes, unexpected as this may have been, you were in this for the long haul. And you couldn’t wait.
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arr-jim-lad · 3 years ago
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If you don't mind me asking, could you tell me about DIO and how he became your favourite? I'm curious!
you know what that's a really good question and i wish i had a clear answer but it kinda just happened lmfao. there was some process to it that i can easily narrow down though and i will gladly dive into it and try to explain it because you KNOW i'll take any chance to talk about god damned DIO lmao
im gonna try to make this as coherent as possible but please bear with me, i'm pulling an allnighter and am currently in the 24th hour of awakedness so lmao
ok first; initially kakyoin was actually my favourite for a while, and after a while i'd say i like them the same, but we all knew. we all knew i was a dirty little liar. i have 4 kakyoin figures. i have a DIO shrine. i wrote several analyses of DIO. my god damned phone background is DIO. idk who i was trying to fool lmao
the funny thing is that before i watched jojo i actually fucking hated DIO lmfao, there was a blog here that posted undertale quotes and i really enjoyed it, but then one day the blog decided to just start posting 'you expected x but it was me, dio' memes and it was extremely unfunny and annoying and i hated it and i hated him lmfao
then i watched jojo with my friend and i just thought DIO was funny in like a fucked up way, mind you i watched the dub which made him extra funny with the british accent
i "liked" him but more like as a joke. i did really enjoy just the sheer extent of how vile he was though, making a mom eat her own baby is still one of my favourite fucked up things i've ever seen a villain do. it's the way he had fun with being absolutely reprehensible that made him so much fun to watch. i love when villains are fun.
having seen him in parts 1 and 3 i still kinda liked him as a meme and eventually as like, "i hate that i like him lol"
but like, then i've seen the OVA, and DIO spoke with andrew chaikin's voice in the dub and i was just kinda uh 😳
because like andew chaikin's freaking DIO voice???? hi hello??
also just in general how DIO is in the ova... his design and animation are fucking stellar and he was just a freaking delight to watch, but his voice made him particularly comforting to me.
so yeah it was the ova. the ova is to blame for all of this.
i do feel a need to mention because this is something that would make me super uncomfortable if people misunderstood it, but as i am aro/ace, my love for DIO is not of a romantic or sexual nature at all. i'd describe it more as like.. adoration? i see him as a muse and a comfort character.
the reason i actually really started liking DIO so much and why i consider him a comfort character is because he turned out to be just.. amazingly, delightfully comfortable to draw. i enjoy drawing him so much. i've drawn him 128 times and plan to draw him many more times. i think my art has improved immensely just from how much i've drawn him, especially when it comes to more muscular bodies, which i really didn't enjoy drawing before.
he's so incredibly fun to draw because he combines this macho huge body with fashion and elegance and beauty, and drama and evil and danger and egypt and vampires. there's always something about him that's gonna inspire me to draw another piece of him. i haven't had an art block since i started drawing him (though worth noting is that my mascot Luv has also been a top notch fighter against art block; him and DIO are my main muses to always keep me drawing and experimenting and creating new approaches)
I also think DIO is a hugely interesting character, as it's apparent by how much i've written about him in the past. i think his motivation is so messed up and convoluted and interesting because yeah a fucked up vampire who's been isolated underwater for 100 years would probably not exactly be a stable and rational person lmao
to me as someone with social anxiety, the fact that his main goal is to achieve peace of mind is also really interesting. uh, spoiler for stone ocean here so im gonna cross it through so people won't accidentally catch a glimpse of it but, ok firstly i think DIO's plan was absolutely batshit and definitely not the right thing to do LMAO, but i love that he literally wants to change reality to know what's gonna happen next, because not knowing things in advance is preventing him from achieving his peace. like im not saying i relate to DIO because i really don't, but as someone who's been very familiar with anxiety, it's really interesting to see that as a villain's motivation (also might as well mention i don't think DIO has anxiety, i think it's more like frustration over lack of control with him, also he's a huge paranoic)
i want to also talk about his philosophy that i genuinely love so much, and that is the concept of gravity as he means it on that famous panel. DIO's idea of gravity is a very zen concept, it's the idea that fate will bring you where you need to be, fate will make you meet the people you need to meet, etc. as someone who struggles with anxiety, that is a really compelling idea to me, which helped me overcome stressful situations long before i got into jojo. of course i do understand that to some people the idea of a predetermined fate can be terrifying and tbh i totally get it, but for me, when it comes to anxiety-inducing situations, the idea of "gravity" has helped me be less stressed. it's a very interesting concept and i love that it's something that's so deeply ingrained in DIO's philosophy. (PS just so you know whenever i say DIO's plan was a good idea i am joking 100% of the time, i would not want to live in the world he wanted to create. however, it's funny to say DIO was thinking of us socially anxious folks so im gonna keep saying it lmao)
you know, it's also really funny that like.. DIO ended up being such a massive beloved comfort character of mine, because like up until him, i generally got attached to characters who were very Good and Wholesome lmao. tfw the two characters that served as the most important comfort characters for me in my life were DIO and......... Papyrus from Undertale LMAO
they are almost polar opposites, but what they both have in common is that they are both very confident, and i'd say that while characters who doubt themselves are generally those i personally relate to, characters who are confident are the ones i gravitate towards for "support". Papyrus has been a character who i honestly hold single-handedly responsible for helping me turn my life around and just.. had an amazing impact on my mental health. i dont want to know who i'd be today if i never got into undertale.
with DIO, i feel like part of the reason why im so joyous and loud about how much i love him and why im so open about how much fun im having enjoying his character so much is because if i were to meet this character back then, when i was in college or in high school, i would never allow myself to enjoy this. i think that to me, DIO being such a huge comfort character represents like... something? i can't quite put my finger on it, but i feel a certain kind of pride and freedom about it because i know i overcame something in these past few years, and that i am much better and happier for it in every aspect.
i am very much a person who gets deeply attached to things or characters that i associate with positive changes in my life. because i've been at such a low point once in my life, i cling to things that remind me of how far i've come.
im just like.. really happy to be here as i am and DIO somehow became a deeply ingrained part of that.
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looking in my drafts and i found this half completed :''') sorry this is so late but thank u sm for the tag :D!!!
nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name
1. why did you choose your url? it's based on ieiri shoko from jujutsu kaisen :D (especially her in jjk 261.ajkhafks) though it's not super connected to her so i'd also say it's just cause i like it lol
2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. @tibia-soup for tgcf and tlt, @sashisusupremacy for silly sideblog things, @a-nice-place which is shared for happy things :)
3. how long have you been on tumblr? i've been lurking anonymously on tumblr longer than i've been alive lol. um...i've probably had an account since 2019 or 2020, though i've made a lot of new ones and deleted far more than i've needed to :')
4. do you have a queue tag? i'm not nearly organized enough for that
5. why did you start your blog in the first place? mcu reader fanfiction...don't murder me please!!!
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? it's a beautiful ferret from this post to match with some mutuals <3
7. why did you choose your header? it's some very happy people who will never have anything bad happened to them ever 😇
8. what’s your post with the most notes? hm idk, i don't make a lot of original posts. probably one of the jjk haikus i wrote
9. how many mutuals do you have? mutuals that i actually interact with? around a dozen or twenty. mutuals that have been in the trenches with me through fandom wars but i've never spoken to? probably another twenty
10. how many followers do you have? 74 plus a handful of bots :)
11. how many people do you follow? 455 wonderful magical people
12. have you ever made a shitpost? have i every NOT made a shitpost is a better question 😎 (yes i have, got a whole blog for them)
13. how often do you use tumblr each day? very sporadically...sort of one day i'll be on it for hours on end but another day i'll only go on for five or ten minutes
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? i got very mad at a blog for insulting a book that i liked and i complained aggressively to my friend but i didn't say anything. i sort of get in a fight with someone being mean in the notes of my friend's post but after a couple replies i just blocked them
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts depends if they're joking or not. not my favorite type of post definitely
16. do you like tag games? yes!!! i'm bad at doing them bc procrastination 😌(edit this is even funnier now that i'm picking it up again) but they're fun to get to know people :)
17. do you like ask games? yeah :D, same thing as tag games
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? probably @godmodebeginswithlesbians though im not sure if we're technically mutuals...big blogs are intimidating to interact with :')
19. do you have a crush on a mutual? no but i think they're all so cool 👍❤️
20. what is the last song you listened to? 1234 by feist, it's on this old cd playlist my sister gave me
21. what are you currently watching? banana fish (rewatching...send prayers lol) and haikyuu (also rewatching!!! because watching olympics volleyball inspire me)
22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? spicy!!!
23. what is your current relationship status? single and uninterested 👍 (aro)
24. what is your current obsession? FENGLIAN, a ship from tgcf....their dynamic is rotating in my brain so fast and all i can coherently think is the word angstangstangstangstangst
25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?
this is just my current playlist (minus a couple songs) lol, cause i almost never full albums :3
1234 by feist, same as before :)
psycho by kaiyi
superstar by lauryn hill
i hate texas by mxmtoon, which she just released!!!
notes in the stars by laura sherwin
mama's pearl by the jackson 5 (it's STUCK in my head send help)
your best american girl by mitski
csikós post by hermann necke
golden by jill scott
26. tagging (no pressure <3) @shrimpathizer @rumplestiltsbear @wolfspero @falcon-forest @checkeredcookie05 @mingguangsword @f1shpotatoes @fire-in-my-eyes @tea-loving-introvert and @ anyone else who's interested :D
nine albums or songs I've been listening to lately x nine people I’d like to get to know better x tag game with no name
(thank you for the tag @lianhuajing !!)
1. why did you choose your url? uh. it was a play on "rose tinted glasses"
2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them. nope!
3. how long have you been on tumblr? I think 2022? i knew about it before, just never bothered to make a blog
4. do you have a queue tag? don't kill me, what's a queue tag?
5. why did you start your blog in the first place? I had some Thoughts about Blue Lock and wanted to post meta for it
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? uhh Flora.
7. why did you choose your header? Reo is one of my Blorbos and I just really liked that panel of him
8. what’s your post with the most notes? probably the "do you download fics" poll
9. how many mutuals do you have? about 20? i don't remember
10. how many followers do you have? 120?
11. how many people do you follow? 91
12. have you ever made a shitpost? yes. i think.
13. how often do you use tumblr each day? an hour?
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? nope
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts meh. some of them are funny i guess
16. do you like tag games? yep! it's nice interaction
17. do you like ask games? i do! but uh. it's a silent empty void here. an echo chamber, if you will.
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? i have no idea but i see @kingsandbastardz a lot in the mlc community
19. do you have a crush on a mutual? nope
20. what is the last song you listened to? 若梦 by 周深
21. what are you currently watching? i just finished The Double! probably starting on Dashing Youth next
22. sweet/ savoury/ spicy? savoury!
23. what is your current relationship status? single
24. what is your current obsession? The Double,,,,
25. what are nine albums/ songs you've been listening to lately?
若梦 by 周深
如故 by 张碧晨
如初 by 张碧晨
借过一下 by 周深
万物不如你 by 张杰
Our dawn is hotter than day by Seventeen
Hitorijana by Seventeen
my music taste is kinda...i tend to stick to a few artists...
26. tagging (no obligation to do this!) @randomingoftherandomness @good-vs-evo @chrysofightme @bbcphile
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