#this is in response to that reblog where i was like ASK ME ANYTHING ABOUT MY FICS

[fawninthesnow]

𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬

𐙚 Emperor/Prince Geta x Fem! Reader 𐙚 18+

Summary: As Geta's childhood best friend, you two have been through everything together. One night, the Prince decides to run away with you.

Warnings/contains: Prince Geta AU, virgins, losing virginity, first time, nipple play, sexual tension, biting, friends with benefits, not proof read-- english is not my first language!

Word Count: 3k // More on my Master list! + follow & reblog pls

A/n: All characters are 18 and up during any smut scenes!!!

In many ways, you were his first.

He pulled your hand along as you two ran barefoot through the palace. Your dress and robe flowed behind you as your shadows stretched over the walls and sacred treasures around the palace. “Geta? Where are we going?”

“Just come!”

**

Years ago, you hid behind your mother’s leg, holding onto her gown. “[Y/n]. Go play.” She kissed your cheek, and you stepped back further. “Darling?”

“I don’t want to!”

“Listen.” She kneeled to your height. “The princes need…playmates! Ok? If the royal family likes you— us both, then you get to have a friend forever, darling.” You knew that look in your mother’s eyes. She was desperate. There were nights where she would starve so you could eat the scraps she stole from the palace. Being a servant for the royal family was not easy. “Play nicely and you’ll have anything and everything you could ever want.”

“You too?” You asked. Your mother nodded with her gentle smile. “Okay.”

“When you are done, we can go straight home! Sound ok?” You agreed and stepped inside of the room filled with toys, other girls dressed in the purest of white dresses and laughter. Most of the girls played with each other, paying the princes no mind. Mothers waited in the halls, mumbling prayers to themselves, hoping that their daughters would be fit for the role.

You kneeled beside one of the boys, “…want to trade?” The boy with a full head of red curls looked at you and the toy in your hand. Your father had hand-carved it with the wood from a fallen tree. In his hands was a gold necklace with a large pearl at its center. You nodded. He looked behind him at his father and his advisor. “What is your name?”

“Geta. Your name?”

“[Y/n]. Where did you get this? From your mommy?” He shook his head. “It looks expensive.”

“I do not remember.” He giggled. You sat beside him, admiring the jewelry. “Do you want to see someone?” You tilted your head and from his wide sleeves, he retrieved a green freckled lizard. A giggle left your mouth as he placed it on your shoulder.

**

*Present*

“Geta!” You yelped as he brought you to the stone gazebo. Inside glowed a small lantern fire. You kneeled with him, and he laughed rather nervously.

“I have been thinking, [y/n]. I know we are getting older; Caracalla and I are to take the throne soon. But…we should run away together.” He blurted. Your smile began to melt, “[Y/n], I am ready.”

“No, no. You are only nervous. That is all!” Your smile, holding his face in your hands as he shakes his head.

“You know me better than anyone else. I am not nervous—“

“You are ambitious! That will be perfect for when you are crowned.” You smile, moving closer against him. “You are simply changing. We both are but not enough to run away.”

“You are not listening, [Y/n]. I know what I want.”

“But leaving your brother?! Our friends? Your throne?” He only smiled. There was no changing his mind. Of course, he cared about his brother and other responsibilities but in the slightest, he needed a break. You fixed the tilted crown on his head.

“Please come with me. You’re my dearest friend…I wouldn’t imagine leaving you here.” You stood from the ground.

“I don’t know.” You shook your head. “This would cause a panic in the empire.”

“We will call it a trip until then. Just traveling!” You touched your necklace, and he moved in front of you, searching your expression.

“They won’t allow that.”

He sighed, “I am not leaving without you, [Y/n].”

Your gentle fingers caressed his face, the warm rings on your hand shined against his brown eyes. The young man leaned into your touch without hesitation. “You know I will follow wherever you go.” You smirked and he wrapped his arms around you. For a moment, his lips hesitated by yours, his eyes on the two-toned lips. You moved back from him and moved hair behind your ear. “Ahem.”

“W- we should leave tomorrow tonight.” His hand brushed your long hair as your hands joined. A warm wave of excitement and anxiety ran through his body. Was he even ready for this commitment?! Yes! He whispered to himself to stay calm. Your hand in his helped him stay grounded. This was worth it. You were worth it.

The next evening, you both hid under the palace inside of the emperors’ archives as everyone went to sleep. Around an hour after midnight, he helped you onto a horse with a few satchels of food and clothes. You held onto his sides as the horse quietly left out the back gate.

After a while of traveling, you two came up on a river through the woods. You tied the horse to a nearby tree and sat with Geta in the undergrowth. Your fingers trembled with fear and excitement— “I can’t believe we…we did it.”

“We did.” He giggled. “I feel…better than ever!” You shyly smiled and washed your hands in the water. “Thank you for joining me, Y/n. You make me feel how a man should.” He said with sarcasm as he pushed away his blade to start a fire.

“Ahh, you lie.” you push his arm. “I am only doing this, so you don’t kill yourself on your lonesome. This empire is not all Rome. There is danger where you expect.” You warned him, as you ate food from a satchel.

“You know best.” He whispered as the flames sparked and caught on the dry leaves and sticks.

“I do.” You said with a chuckle. When you laughed, your bosom moved gently beneath your clothes. He averted his gaze. “Your birthday is coming up! You did not want to wait until then to leave?”

“Tsk, I care not of mediocre celebrations and repetitive gifts.” The man chuckled, “You do though.”

“Mediocre?!” You scoffed. “Of course I do. I am a lady of the court, and I help organize such things.” You sounded rather offended.

“My friend, I meant no harm.” You wondered why that label ‘friend’ made your heart feel so…uneasy. You looked at the fire as you two sat beside each other. His comforting, and large hand rubbed your thigh gently. “So, what are you leaving behind?” Your fingertips traced the back of his scarred knuckles.

“Nothing…my mom is gone. There’s nothing there. I mean, there is you, but you are beside me.”

“You have changed, my heart.” You felt heat rise in your cheeks and core. “Not in a bad manner. I mean, you have grown.”

“So have you.” You smirk, tossing more dried leaves into the fire. “I watch you train.” You gently touched his bruised knuckles and down the hair of his forearm. “For what exactly are you preparing for?”

“For…myself.” He said softly, “You watch me?” He asked, thinking back to the times he figured he were alone. You could recall watching him from behind the curtains or beyond the terraces in the palace. You nodded, placing your chin into your hand. “Well, you do a form of ‘training’.” Your head tilted in confusion. “They speak of you as if you are some sort of general running that court.” You two share a laugh as his hand rubbed further up your leg. “I mean it.”

“You listen whenever I am mentioned so I have no doubts.”

He leaned onto you, his nose against your neck. “You smell like a woman. You look like a woman.” You chuckled as he took deeper inhales of your scent. “I mean it. I am older than you but when I look at you...”

 “I look nothing like the ‘ideal’ Roman woman.”  You watched as your friend shook his head.

“I did not notice.” He said back to you as you both pressed together. His lips pressed against the back of your hand. You had not noticed your fingers against his chest, your hand inside the folds of his clothes. “You are perfect to me, [Y/n].”

He leaned closer towards you, “I- but I am not betrothed to you! We cannot do this! I was not chosen!” Your eyes seemed to water as you moved away from him. He followed you into the darkness of trees. “I am your friend, remember?” You asked spitefully.

“That was not my choice!”

“I didn’t say that it was.”

He wiped the salty tears from under your eyes. “I do not need the courts to know who I love or why! You know you love me, Y/n. Show me. Please.”

You turned to him, “This is my life you are speaking of! I could be crucified for this! Stripping each other of purity before your wedding.”

“That is not what I’m asking. No one will know. Just- just kiss me.” You brought him to you, trapping him between your body and a tree bark. His eyes lulled back as your soft curves pressed onto him. Your lips pressed deeply onto his; his tongue explored your mouth passionately without any restraint as he pulled at your gown. By his hand, your left leg raised up on his hip with a swiftness—

You pulled away from him and caught your breath. Pants left your mouths as you both leaned back against trees. “I am nervous…I will get carried away, Geta.” You shook your head, “We should just go home. Geta.” You took his hand into yours and found his sorrowful eyes.

“No. No, I will not. We cannot go back! I- I am sorry if you want to leave because of me but-“

“No, that is not why. I think we are not ready. To run away or…uhm” You felt his hand squeeze yours tightly.

“I am.” He said firmly as you squeezed his hand back with a plead.

“Geta.” The prince sighed and joined you again by the fire. “We should have spoken more about this. W- we cannot leave. The only life we know is one of luxury and convenience! Geta.” You hold his face in your hands; just looking in his eyes was more intimate than you could handle after what occurred. He leaned closer to you and placed a kiss on your lips. For a moment, you were stunned for a short while; he went in for another kiss. Your eyes shut and Geta’s hands held the back of your head, his fingers sunk into the dark curls.

On the ride back to the palace a few moments later, you stayed silent. He tried to think of something, anything to speak of to make you open up again but nothing came to mind. As you held onto his waist, your hips against his body, you felt only shame. How could you?! Even contemplating giving yourself to him! Well, in adolescence, you had a crush on him, sure. Then, you would fall asleep to the thought of marrying him, but it was just a dream; just a crush.

If so, then why at the age of eighteen did your cheeks flush; your body so mindlessly falling into his hands?

Back in your quarters, you lay on your back inside of the sunken bed. Blankets enveloped you like a nest—you were more than comfortable but you could not rest. You rose to your knees and pressed your ear against the wall that connected you and Geta’s rooms. There was only silence in the palace, making you lose confidence. You should just lay back down! Go to sleep and handle the court in the morning but…

You stepped outside of your quarters and was met by Geta in a cherry red robe. “Oh. I was-“ He raised a glass of water.

“I cannot rest.”

“Should I read to you?” You were used to him doing this whenever you needed it but—He did not wait for you to answer, instead, he took you hand and shut you both inside of your quarters. You climbed into bed with him; from your bedside table, he took a thick scroll into his hands.

He said nothing as your body leaned on top of his, tucked comfortably beside him. When he read to you, his palm rubbed your thigh gently. “I am sorry for making us turn back.”

“…no, you were right. We should not have left.” He muttered.

He continued to caress your leg-- “Do you think that…others, the servants, our friends, your family-- know we are friends?” You asked.

“I do not suppose many would believe that.”

“Are you in love with me, Geta?” He looked into your eyes and pondered his reply. Of course he was! But what if you were to reject him? What if everything he had felt for so long manifested into nothing?

“I am and I have been for years.” He exhaled deeply through his mouth. The air was caught between your embrace as you kissed him for the fourth time tonight. “It took a lot to admit that.” His cheeked burned red as you smiled and moved hair from your face. You two only stared into each other’s eyes, thinking of the same thing.

“W- we cannot have sex.” You whispered as he pushed the scroll to the end of the bed with his foot. A short gasp left your lips as he peeled away the folds of your night robe and exposed your breasts.

“You are breathtaking.” The curves of your breasts filled his palms as he sunk lower in bed and pulled you on top of him. His voice sounded different than you were used to; it was so seductive and tempting. From that point on, you wanted everything he had to offer for as long as possible. He gently massaged your breasts; his eye contact was rather controlling. Your hips rolled over his lap, and you tried your best to resist taking him.

He held your left breast in your hand and gently flicked your nipple. Your spine arched in surprise; this feeling was something new. Of course, you had explored yourself before but his lips, his warm saliva and careful tongue was—Geta gently sucked on your breast as his fingers tended to your other. “Nggh!” You leaned away from his touch—

“Does that hurt?”

“No, no, it feels nice.” He then pulled you against him once again. Beneath you, his firm cock pressed against your cunt through the fabrics of his clothes. He started his suckles off gentler than before and rocked you over his hard shaft. Your eyes rolled back as the man unintentionally stimulated your clitoris. Not unlike a current, he continued his motions against you. Geta was hungry for you; he has never experienced a lust like this before. He craved for you to consume him and take him whole. You had him like no other could; whatever you wanted, he would do without a second thought and the best part was that you felt the same.

You pushed away the clothes that hid his manhood and your womanhood. When your palm wrapped around his shaft, a deep moan felt his throat. He pushed your forearm away. “I was only going to hold it.” You whispered. He nodded and allowed you to feel his cock gently. Your fingers ran over the tip of his cock and down his veins to his base. You bit your lip for a moment as the messy precum from his cock covered your fingertips.

His brown eyes searched yours for approval before he ran his fingers over your pussy. You twitched as he gently held your clitoris. He quickly let go of the sensitive flesh and moved down to your soaked opening. You could only stare in his eyes as he guided your hips down against his. “It is ok…just breathe.” His hands gently grazed your sides, and his lips stayed against your neck. Your pussy rubbed against his cock, spreading your juices down his shaft. “You taste as sweet as you look.” When he spoke past your ear, and his gentle breaths left its mark on your skin, you could only rock your hips. He whispered moans into your ear; Your head fell back in pleasure as he continued, “I love you, Y/n.” He pleaded as if begging for you to say it back.

“I love you too, Geta.” He bit down on your neck and kissed the wound as he carefully laid you down on your back. Your legs wrapped around his back, your arms around his neck. “Please…please, make love to me.” You moaned through sensual pants. He sighed and raised his head from your shoulder. You knew he was torn but you were too--- to deny you now would haunt him for the rest of his life. He felt you tighten your limbs around him. This possessive hold made his morals of marriage deplete and crumble. “Geta~” You softly sung in his ear.

The prince’s cock gently pushed into your tight pussy. He paused as his tip settled inside of you to catch his breath. You whined as he stretched your opening-- “Come here.” You whispered; the prince then pushed himself deeper into your core. His arms felt weak as your cunt squeezed his sensitive shaft so passionately. Your eyes squeezed shut and tears ran down your cheeks. Geta quickly wiped your face with his fingertips and kissed your forehead.

“I- I am sorry.”

“It is ok.” You leaned into the touch of his hand. “Keep going.” He gently pulled his hips back and slowly stroked inside of you. He mumbled moans to himself as he tried his best not to finish inside of you—and so quickly. However, his thighs felt like they would give out any second from holding his body up.

Re uploading bc of formatting </3

More on my Master list! + follow & reblog pls

[grayintogreen]

Random-ass fic question: Of all the scenes you have published so far, which scene was the most enjoyable to write? What was it about the scene itself, some aspect of the process, or anything else that made you enjoy it that much?

Don't do this to me mare I've published like 2.5 million words. LOL.

Rather than break down any specific scenes because holy shit, I'll just break down the TYPES of scenes that I enjoy writing and why I enjoy writing them, because ultimately my favorite scenes fall into one of the three categories.

BIG REVEALS. As you may know, I love to write big grand plots with lots of mysteries and secrets baked into the narrative, so the best part of that is getting to write the scenes where everything is laid bare. It is just so rewarding to finally drop the information I've been dancing around. (Examples include: Jester realizing that the Harpy she met in the Nightmare Forest was actually Rinna and that the party the Nein have stumbled into to confront Cree's abuser is actually a front for the Court of Nightmares in OUADYA; the Lilith and Alastor flashback in LTEDMD; the big Jayne reveal in YCDHN during the Vergessen Heist. All of these were extremely fun scenes that I had been alluding to subtly that I wanted to hit and hit hard.)

BIG DAMN HEROES MOMENTS. I talk about how much I love writing fight scenes, but the truth is that fight scenes aren't really the exciting part. It's the emotions and driving force behind them. The most fun fight scenes are always when the characters have more personal stakes and aren't just fighting because they got into a fight whoops. (Examples: the Vee Tower assault in LTEDMD, the siege of the Chantry of the Dawn and the Vergessen Heist in YCDHN, the Lavish Chateau Trap in OUADYA)

BLOODY FEELS. I don't know how to classify this, so that's the term I'm going with- feels with blood involved, whether it be a death scene, a resurrection scene, a confession or an emotional moment where one character is bleeding out. I love writing scenes where characters are experiencing heavy emotions while also heavily bleeding. They always make me cry. (Examples: Caleb's resurrection scenein OUADYA, Fjord's resurrection scene in YCDHN (also a secret scene we haven't gotten to yet), Lucifer getting repeatedly stabbed by Eve and bleeding in Charlie's arms in LTEDMD, this Stolitz scene I'm currenting working on in OWDLIF.)

This is hardly a comprehensive list, but I write SO MUCH and dear god I enjoy it at least 85% of the time, but these three tropes are usually the things I get the most excited to write and as such appear in all of my major works multiple times.

[boomerang109]

when i was a teenager my grandmother gave me dozens of skeins of yarn that i was absolutely thrilled to have but i was saving to be a better knitter and my mom threw them out before i ever got the chance (which is still to this day absolutely heart-breaking to me. like. round needles, all sorts of different types of yarn, every size needle imaginable, all gone) BUT today i was going through my grandmother’s probably three hundred sewing patterns and she’s absolutely thrilled that im at least attempting to have an interest. i am so enamored that she kept everything because truly nothing they make today is anywhere near as good and i just. ugh my grandmother has so much incredible stuff. i love that i get to share with her

[copperbadge]

So, I got tagged in a post, and I wrote a bit of a novel in a reblog in drafts, and then I realized that probably it wasn't for the best to post up All That Nonsense when the OP was just making a funny post about Wikipedia's fundraising. And it is a funny post! So I'll link here to the post and where I was tagged but I decided to put my thoughts here. Please take this as a hint to be respectful of OP and the person who tagged me both :)

I will say my initial reaction to seeing Wikipedia selling merch AND asking to be in your will was "Well, they're trying something." It's just such a weird topic to bring up, it's hard to be graceful about it, so I think what they were doing was probably the best you can do.

And the response did make a lot of the points I'd make about making a will and such. In fact, FreeWill is what I made my will with and we recommend them to our donors.

There was a study that came out a decade ago or more, so my numbers probably aren't accurate, but the statistic that knocked me back was that most donors who leave surprise large bequests (gifts to charity in their will) give an average of $17 a year during their lives. So there's likely a reason that Wikipedia is targeting users and not huge donors.

It's an ongoing issue that most people also don't document their bequests. By all means, leave money to charity in your will, they will be happy to have it, but they will be even happier to know ahead of time.

Perfect example, THIS WEEK we got a check for six figures from a woman's estate. It was an eyebrow-raising amount of money for us. My boss, who handles both "eyebrow raising money" and "gifts from dead people", immediately went to look her up in our database.

Which she is not in. We had no idea this woman existed. Never gave to us before.

Had we known she was leaving us this money, my boss would have made sure she understood how grateful we were and like, bought her lunch a couple of times a year, and when she did pass we would have known who to reach out to in order to offer our support.

Instead, he came to me and said, "I have a name and an address," and I set to work to find out why she gave and who we could thank. I found her obit, but she didn't die of anything related to our work. Using information from the obit, I confirmed none of her family were in our database either. I looked up her second husband, mentioned in the obit, and his obit said he died of lung disease, which told me that this gift is because she lost her husband.

This helps because I knew from her obit that they had a blended family; they didn't have any kids together but they each had kids when they married, all of whom are now like, my age. So we want to thank her kids but we want to make sure her stepkids, who lost their dad, get a specific kind of outreach as well. I told my boss their names and he said one of the husband's kids was listed as the executor of the will, but there was nothing (surname-wise) to indicate they were related. I found contact information for that person, and my boss was able to reach out to her. She didn't realize we didn't know about the bequest, and now she and her siblings are talking to us about their dad and their own health while her stepsiblings, whose mother left us this very generous gift, are getting condolences and thanks and getting to say how she will be thanked in our documentation.

And I mean, that's why my job exists, to fill in those blanks. We just...would really like to have told her thank-you while she was alive.

SO! The moral of the story is: please consider leaving money to charity in your will if you can, use FreeWill to make your will (they will also help you document your gift) and let the charity know you're leaving them an estate gift. Not only will you maybe get cool swag but especially if it's a concern close to your heart, you'll get to build your relationship with the charity.

[hhughes]

៹࣪ ៸៸ HOME TO YOU . . . ꒱꒱

𐙚 fic ; in which quinn comes home to you after a long road trip

𝒇𝒆𝒂𝒕. quinn hughes x gf!reader 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕. fluff and domesticity. smut. mdni. 𝒙𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒎𝒊. as always reblogs and feedback is appreciated and I hope you liked it <3

Quinn steps through the door of your shared apartment, dropping his bags at the door with a thud and removing his shoes. He knows you’re going to scold him for leaving his stuff there but right now he can’t find it in himself to care if it means he gets to see you a little sooner. He lets out a big sigh as exhaustion settles into his bones. It’s the type of exhaustion that no matter the amount of sleep he got on the plane, won’t be sated until he gets into his own bed, with you.

He makes his way into the living room, where he finds you curled up on the couch with some movie softly playing in the background. His lips curl up when he hears soft snores from you, indicating you were asleep. He always tells you to go to bed but you never listen, always opting to wait up for him instead and he couldn’t be happier that you did because although he has to wake you up, it means he doesn’t have to wait a minute longer to see you.

“sweetheart,” he whispers softly, gently brushing some hair away from your face as your eyes flutter open.

“quinn…You’re home?” you ask groggily, a little disoriented and he takes a seat next to you as you sit up, pulling you into his side.

“I’m home baby,” he confirms, kissing your temple.

Both of you sit there for a few minutes, not saying anything, simply enjoying being in one another’s company for the first time in a few days.

“I put your towel in the drier, so it’s warm when you get out of the shower. I washed the sheets so the bed needs to be made, so I’m gonna do that while you take a shower and I’ll meet you in bed?” you ask and quinn’s heart grows twice the size with pure love for you.

You put his towel in the drier so it would be extra warm. You washed the sheets because you know he likes the feeling of clean sheets after a long road trip. He knows by the faint smell of ginger in the air, there’s a container of freshly baked cookies waiting for him on the kitchen counter, just like there is every time he comes home. Just like he knows you’ll be up before him tomorrow, while he sleeps in. Making him breakfast, and throwing his laundry in the wash so that he doesn’t have to worry about it.

“I’ll be quick,” he assures you, his voice a bit thick by his sudden overwhelming thoughts of love for you.

-

After his shower quinn joins you in bed, pulling you close. You turn around to look up at him, running your hands over his cheek and pulling him closer to attach your lips. A few kisses later, quinn is sitting up against the headboard, your legs on either side of his hips as you straddle him.

“I missed you,” quinn groans, head falling back as his hands squeezing your ass, pressing your clothed cores together.

“I missed you more,” you mumble against his neck, where your kisses had already begun leaving marks on his pale skin.

quinn puts both hands on your waist, lifting you up to stand on your knees as he pulls down your shorts. You help him by removing your shirt, kicking your pants off the bed and his eyes naturally fall to your breasts, buds hardening in the cold. He wraps both arms around you and pulls you closer, his face level with your chest, pressing kisses there.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs

“quinn, please. I’ve already waited long enough, please don’t make me wait any longer,” you whine and he grins up at you. Both of you aware who’s really controlling the situation despite you hovering above him.

“You’re always so desperate baby, huh? Is that what being away from me does to you? Turns you into a needy little slut?” he asks, tongue circling your nipple, his hand playing with the other one.

“Please” is your only response and quinn gives in, pushing you back a bit to remove his boxers, his only article of clothing and pulling you closer again, his hand wrapped around his dick, lining it up with your entrance.

“Only cause you asked so nicely,” he says, gripping your hips tightly as you sink down onto him. There was nothing like those first few seconds of being inside you. quinn was convinced nothing would ever compare. He wondered if lifting the Stanley Cup would bring him as much euphoria as you.

Your hands grip the headboard behind his head, causing you to bend forward, practically shoving your breasts in his face, not that he was complaining. The change in angle causing both of you to moan when he enters you again.

“Fuck baby, you always feel so good,” he groans against your skin, his hand trailing between your legs and thumb lazily rubbing circles across your clit.

“quinn,” you moan, your hands moving from the headboard to his shoulders, nails digging into his skin, leaving marks behind, just how he likes it. Your hips still, legs getting tired and unable to do much else but feel pleasure as quinn continues to rub your clit.

“That’s not nice baby, I just got home from a four game road trip and you’re making me do all the work,” he says, grabbing a fist full of your hair and pulling it, causing you to arch your back. His other hand lands on your ass with an audible smack when you don’t answer.

“Can’t even be bothered to answer? Too cockdrunk to even think aren’t you sweetheart?” he asks, not giving you time to try and formulate a response before both his hands slide to your hips, lifting you up and down in time with his thrusts. You can’t do anything but take it, like a little toy for him to use. The thought sends you over the edge, causing you to clench around him and he finishes inside you.

You both sit there for a few minutes, quinn still inside you. Just being close and savoring the moment waiting for your heart rates to go down.

“I love you,” he says softly, kissing you gently.

“I love you too. Welcome home.” you whisper, kissing his chest and tucking your face in his neck while his hands rub up and down your back.

He hates going on long roadies, but he loves coming home. Warm towels. Cookies. Fresh sheets. And you.

[txttletale]

"you, specifically, are a bad and evil person that all my posts are written to condemn" this is not what i said. i'm sorry for not being clearer. i just feel like everyone in this space, not just you, look down on people who live in the first world as people who willingly don't change anything about how the world works when it's just not that simple. i know you all love to combat this and say otherwise but it will never change the simple reality that for some people it really is very hard, if not impossible, to do anything politically, for a variety of reasons. i'm disabled, i live in a remote part of the country, and i'm bad at talking to people. i don't have the money to just move to a population center or get lessons on how to speak to people. i can't do anything and i feel like every time you or one of the other communists on tumblr talks about the imperial core, i feel like i, personally, am being held to an unreasonable standard that i would not hold anyone else to, if i were in one of your situations. obviously i want things to change. i don't want genocide to be a thing that's constantly happening, i don't want my country to have its tendrils dug into every other country, i want socialism and eventually global communism, and if i could do anything meaningful-- anything at all-- to achieve those goals i would be working on that. but right now that just is not the case for me, and i feel like i'm not alone in that either. i just wish you had like a smidgen of empathy for some of the people living here who don't fit into your stereotype of what a member of the imperial core looks like-- i'm not even trying to say that sarcastically, it genuinely feels like you all don't see us as human. like nyanguard especially seems to think of us as incapable of saving ourselves, and one of the reblogs to my first ask just said they "like to imagine that (i'm) crying as i type this". how am i supposed to react to that? is this how all of you feel about people like me? would your feelings about me change if i lived in another country, or would you find some other excuse to talk down to me? is it really just the country i live in that's the problem, here? i'm not trying to accuse you, i'm asking this question genuinely.

i know it's tempting to respond to this with a snarky comment but please just try to understand where i am coming from. i really am willing to help if i can.

i don't think any marxist seriously has a political theory of imperialism that amounts to "citizens of the imperial core simply choose not to do anything because they are all individually bad people". i mean the whole point of marxism is that economic relations are the ultimate drivers of historical change, not abstract psychological or moral qualities of people.

i'm sympathetic to your situation! the imperial core is a very atomizing place to live, and there are places and situations where there's just no practical path to getting organized and taking meaningful political action in the near future. however, your problem here is:

i feel like i, personally, am being held to an unreasonable standard that i would not hold anyone else to

nobody is posting about you, personally. like at the end of the day you have to learn to either not take posts like that personally or just block everyone who makes them to manage your own time on the computer vis a vis niceness--i don't think it's the responsibility of me or any other communist to constantly provide asterisks and carveouts that we're not talking about the Good Ones Who Have Extenuating Circumstances when we talk about the usa and its material political base.

& in the same way that you ask for empathy for your situation i would ask you to extend a level of understanding to people whose homelands and countrymen and communities have been devastated by US coups and sanctions and invasions, that they have as much a right to express the rage and fury and hurt of that cultural legacy as you do to express your own sadness about your own situation. imagine, for example, how you would feel if your grandparents could not reliably get medicine because of us sanctions. & of course the correct target for these feelings are not random usamericans--but these posts are also not serious politcal platforms, they are venting from people who live their lives under the weight of empire.

if you think what they're saying is unfair to you, then you need to develop the ability to say 'well, i understand why they would feel that way' and move on. like i understand why you are upset, and i don't say this to be dismissive, but as real advice: it is not fair (especially to bloggers from the global south) to essentially rest your happiness and self-worth at their feet and demand that they validate you.

genuinely, i hope this helps. it's all i really have to say on the matter.

[tbaluver]

hi!! i was wondering if i could ask for some angst with all the guys ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

smthing like mc (gender neutral if possible!) going to a mission and not coming back and the guys' reactions to that ?

ty in advance (≧▽≦)

When You Don't Come Back From Your Mission- The Love And DeepSpace Men

parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader genre: angst no comfort a/n: hi anonnie! i hope this was okay and that you enjoy ! i'll post a part where mc/ reader comes back from the mission after a long time and maybe that would be a comfort part of this angst reaction (๑>؂•̀๑) i know a couple people from my inbox have requested me to write something about that and i'll get it out soon it's just sitting on my drafts but it'll be out so so soon ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ ) sorry lovelies i just get distracted a lot any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Xavier:

You and Xavier weren’t assigned to this mission, which was a bummer given how often you two have been always paired for similar tasks. Your extensive training together, countless sparring sessions, and numerous times you two have spent together have created a deep bond and sense of confidence in each other’s skills. Although it was unusual to not be paired in a mission, you both trusted in your abilities and didn’t think much of it.

As he returned from picking up snacks at the convenience store, he walked into the Hunter’s Association office and was struck by the sense of panic that had been overtaken in the room. The frantic energy was evident as he overheard that your team has not given any responses or updates regarding your location. The news hit him like a jolt, nearly causing him to drop the snacks he was holding.

His gentle demeanor shifted to one of deep concern. The usual calmness in his eyes was replaced by a serious and troubled look. His universe felt like it had dimmed, knowing that the brightest star was missing from his grasp.

He demanded immediate access to the latest mission’s location, coordinates, or any relevant information. He insisted that he would take charge of the situation himself and offer no objects as they recognized the intensity in his voice.

He internally blamed himself for not coming sooner. Every path he takes as he travels to find you, only fuels the sense of urgency and concern to find your and ensure your safety.

Zayne:

Zayne has always trusted in your abilities and knew what you were capable of. Each mission, he knew you could handle it with ease and he had faith that you would come back. As always, before he left he would always remind you, “Stay safe and don’t do anything reckless. I don’t want to see you back in my office with another injury.”

Normally, your absences were brief and he would patiently wait for your return, eager to hear the absurd stories of your missions, but this time something felt different. Something he couldn’t quite place. The days dragged on longer than usual and the silence from you was unsettling.

He tried to distract himself with paperwork and tending to patience but his anxiety gnawed at him, thinking of what had happened to you. A mission shouldn’t take this long, especially for someone as skilled as you. 

Every day he would send a text and sometimes they were random. Sometimes they were filled with encouragement or updates about small things in his life, in hopes to get a response from you. However, each message he sent was always left unanswered which fueled his growing concern. He began to doubt if you were ignoring him or if something far worse had happened.

Unable to contain his worry any longer, he drove to your house and knocked on your door unannounced. The minutes stretched into an agonizing wait and when there was no response. His heart that had been warmed by your presence has now gripped by icy fear.

Each day he has desperately waited for any responses and any updates from the Hunter’s Association about your well-being. The longer he had to wait, the more he was determined to join the battlefield himself in desperation to find you again.

Rafayel:

Ever since you departed on your mission, he would be counting the seconds, minutes, and days until your return. It’s something he would usually do when you leave for a mission. Time passed by slowly in your absence and he tried to distract himself by visiting the beach or working on new sketches, hoping to find a spark of inspiration for his next piece. Yet, inspiration was difficult when his greatest muse was missing for a few days

A few days. What began to be a few days stretched into a week and more. His concern grew as your silence and absence in his life persisted. Normally, you would have responded to any of his texts or calls even amid the chaos of your missions. But now, this mission was different. His phone never lit up from any notifications from you and your absence gnawed at him.

His distress was evident. His meticulously groomed appearance had unraveled. His hair was disheveled and his outfits mismatched. The studio that was usually a bright haven of creativity had become a reflection of his inner turmoil. The room was shrouded in shadows, and canvases were marred with erratic splashes of paint and frustrated strokes.

'Missing you comes in waves and tonight I am drowning.'

He was spiraling and grew relentless, digging up any lead and rumor of information about your mission. Whatever happened to you, someone was going to pay. He doesn’t care if the bounty on his head catches up to him. He’ll try to find you no matter what, even if it takes him another 800 years.

Sylus:

He knew you were a skilled Hunter so initially he dismissed your absence as just another routine mission. He assumed he would see you again soon in a couple of days and began making plans for the two of you to relax and enjoy when you returned.

However as days turned into a week without any responses to his text or voice messages, his calm demeanor began to crumble. Your status on DeepSpace hadn’t been updated since the last time you had talked and it never showed that you read his messages. His unease deepened when Mephisto reported that he had been unable to locate you.

The growing anxiety and frustrations were impossible for him to contain. He had tried to rush to the location of your mission only to find no trace of you there. His office became a battleground of his conflicted emotions. He cursed himself for being so careless about you.

Luke and Kieran could only witness the storm of anger and worry from a distance. They dared not to approach him during the moments of his intense agitation. They understand as they miss you as well but they could only wish they could do so much to help find you.

He figures he has to take matters into his own hands no matter the cost. Your little Hunter’s Association could only do so much but many do not understand how much power, influence, and resources Sylus has at his disposal. He doesn’t care if he has to get his hands dirty, he will have to do anything to find his little dove back in his arms again.

[pedriache]

hiii……. lando comes home and shows reader his new haircut?

Lover // over the moon 𖦹 Lando Norris !

Summary. Lando hadn’t told you about his haircut and he was.. well, scared to show you.. but your response quickly put his worried to rest.

Word count. 395+

Disclaimers. basically fluff idk

Bea speaks! okay so i don’t really know where i was going w this..? i hate it but i hope vee likes it!!….

Lando’s voice calling out your name only had you momentarily pausing, the wet plate in your hand nearly slipping. “In the kitchen!” You call out over your shoulder, setting the dish into the dishwasher.

His foot steps are soft on the wooden floor as he slowly makes his way toward you, “how was your day?” He asks casually when you don’t immediately turn to greet him.

Your lip curves, “good. And yours?”

Lando, still nervous, his stomach doing flips at the thought of anything but a good reaction from you—gingerly steps closer, his arms slithering around your waist. The action elicited a small laugh from you, tipping your head to the side as he placed a kiss to your shoulder.

“Better now.” He mumbles against your skin. “Also, don’t like—freak out or anything, but..”

The sweet moment was well over. You spin around in his arm, eyes widening at the sight in front of you. Lando is silent as your eyes dart over his head, your fingertips pressing into his cheeks as you push it side to side.

“Why was I not consulted?” Your eyebrows lift and your gaze drops to his eyes. Noticing the worry displayed across your boyfriend’s adorable face, you soften. “I’m not complaining. Just.. well, i’m surprised! That’s all.”

His expression lifts at your comforting words, “it was an impulsive decision, plus.. Oscar and I had a bet. I lost.”

A laugh tumbles off your lips, “what?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” The man grumbles lowly. “Do you like it or is a beanie going to have to make an appearance?”

Feigning to think, your finger grazes his cheek. “I actually,” you pause, tilting his head again, examining the way the sides slowly faded, “I actually love it.” Your tone was almost surprised, like you hadn’t thought you’d actually like it so much.

“Yeah?” His face lights up one again, his smile lifting to show his tooth gap. “Good.”

Mirroring his wide smile, you place a kiss to his mouth. “I have to finish cleaning the dishes.” You pull away and pat his cheek. “Next time you want a haircut, tell me.”

“Yes, ma’am.” He says, voice full of amusement before stepping back and making his way to the fridge. All anxieties he had about your disapproval, long since faded.

likes, comments, and reblog’s are all appreciated. lmk if you’d like to be tagged in future lando posts.

ᝰ.ᐟ tags @halfwayhearted @lechrts @spidybaby @sakashq @joaoflms @h4vertzz

[dollfacefantasy]

LAST MINUTE ♡

pairing: frank castle x fem!reader

summary: when frank won't give you attention, you have to convince him not to leave somehow...

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, boot humping, praise/degradation

wc: 3.3k

a/n: i love him i love him i love him sooooo badddddd. if you send me asks about this man i'll make out with you sloppy. anyways, comments and reblogs appreciated too <3

kinktober slot: day 25 - boot humping

Frank's eyes cast over to the corner of the room where you're sitting in front of the mirror. He can hear you humming to yourself, your voice rising and falling to the soft tune of a song you'd been obsessed with for the last few weeks. Your fingers smear some lotion across your cheeks. The pads of them massage the cream into your malleable flesh.

Your gaze catches his watching you through the reflective pane. He sees a smile spread across your lips before you turn around and spring to your feet. Your body is only covered by a t-shirt of his along with the pair of panties lying beneath. You prance across the bedroom and glide around to hover behind him.

The scent of your lotion and shampoo from the shower you'd just taken cloud the air surrounding him. It's light and airy, like the vision of you that floats through his head nowadays. He wasn't sure when you'd taken up permanent residence there, though he couldn't really complain. Thoughts of you are better than echoing gunshots or screams.

He hums in acknowledgement of your proximity, giving your forearm a pat with his rough hand. It's smooth beneath his fingertips. So untouched it feels wrong to drag his calloused skin across it.

You don't seem to mind though. Not with the way you duck your head and kiss his cheek.

"It seems like something's bothering you," you murmur, the wisps of your breath brushing over his face.

His attention returns to the weapons in front of him. He focuses on cleaning the parts and putting them back together. Your words were kind of stupid. There's always something bothering Frank. Moments where he has a clear head are few and far in between; reserved for when he's asleep in your arms or balls deep in your cunt.

He doesn't say anything rude though. He knows you're trying to be sweet. The statement is your subtle attempt at offering up your ear. You always told him he could vent. He could cry over the past or seethe about his plans for the night, either way you'd be right there. But that would only be if he ever actually took you up on that offer.

Instead, all you get in response is a grunt before a muttered "'m fine, baby."

You frown. He can see it out of the corner of his eye. Your lips turn into that pitiful little pout that drives him up the wall. Good thing his eyes are locked on a different target right now.

"Are you sure? Feel like you got something on your mind," you try again. Your hands slide up to his shoulders, fingers beginning to tenderly massage his tense deltoids.

"Told you I'm fine," he says again. The words are firm and closed off, but they don't strike you as unkind.

"Wellll… if there was anything wrong, would there be anything I could do to make it better?" you whisper.

Your lips press against his cheek bone again before migrating downward. Your soft, plump lips coasts over his jawline and onto his throat. You feel his smile make a brief appearance on his face, but his hands don't stop rotating the cleaning rag over the grip of his gun. He hasn't abandoned his task for you. Yet.

"There's nothing wrong. Don't start makin' a fuss over it," he grumbles.

"C'monnn, Frankie," you say softly, "Just tell me one thing. Even if you feel fine, just tell me one thing that you'd like."

A few more gentle pecks land on his neck. Your fingers continue to swirl and massage into the tender muscles in his shoulders.

"I'd like it if you got some rest tonight and didn't stay up worrying about me or watching the news," he responds.

You roll your eyes. Of course, you were gonna do that regardless. You always worried about him when he was 'working.' He'd spend the hours out taking care of what - or who - ever, and you'd occupy that time in your apartment doing just as he said, pouring over news reports and bouncing your leg until you were so tired your eyes couldn't stay open if they wanted to.

"Be seriousss," you whine, growing more petulant with him.

He glances over at you upon hearing that tone. That rise in pitch never did you any favors with Frank. He didn't fall for the puppy eyes or quivering lip.

"I am serious. I don't want you worrying or stressing. I'll be back tonight, and I want to come back to you sleeping in bed. Not watching for me at the fire escape," he says.

"Ok well pick something I can actually give you now," you concede.

Space. That's what he wants to tell you. Not in an annoyed way. He loves your touch, adores feeling your body heat oozing off of you. But it's hard to get in the mind frame of a killer when your breasts are pushing against his back and your nose is gliding over his throat.

He doesn't say that though because he knows no matter what tone of voice he says it in, you'll only take it in the 'I'm sick of you' way.

"What makes you think I need anything?" he asks. He puts the handgun he'd been working on down on the table and picks up a larger assault weapon instead.

"Oh my god, you're so difficult," you huff, "I'm just trying to be nice to you. I don't like seeing you all grumpy and stressed."

You may not have liked it, but grumpy and stressed was the version of Frank you saw the most. It was the one you fell in love with. The one that spends the night here in your apartment most days of the week. The one who's hoodies you wear. The one who holds you while you sleep and grunts against your skin when he has a bad dream.

"I'm not. I'm just thinking. You're making something out of nothing, sweetheart," he chides.

"You know… I think you just don't want to admit that you need a night off," you say, nodding in agreement with yourself.

"No."

"Just wait. Don't shoot it down before I explain," you try to reason.

"No," he says again.

"Yes! You'd feel so much better if you had one single night to relax," you argue.

He looks at you with a bit of disbelief. "I can't just call in sick. There is no 'night off,'" he says. His tone is strict, no room for negotiation or bargains, but that doesn't stop you from trying.

"I know, but you don't have to go out. You could text your 'people' and they could do whatever for the night," you say. His people is the term you call whoever he works with. You know there's at least one other guy, he's just never told you any names or details. "Just one night to let me take care of you. It would be good for you. And plus, I miss you," you pout.

He eyes you for a moment, dark pupils scanning over each small curve of your face. The pause gives you hope that he's considering it. That maybe he'll choose to stay with you instead of the shipping yards or rooftops.

"Don't give me that 'I miss you' act. You know I miss you too, but I can't just stay with you and sit on my ass all night cause you think it's the magic cure to me being a hardass," he says.

You narrow your eyes as the look on your face likens more to sulking.

"It's not magic… just if you rest, you'd be less uptight," you say. You loop your arms around his neck again and smoosh your cheek against his, letting the prickly spikes of his stubble scratch you.

With a little sigh, your attention shifts to what he's working on. He's still cleaning the metallic item on the desk in front of him. You watch his hands work, moving in methodical swipes. Efficacy learned from years of experience. Still, it's so boring to you that you can't even come up with a question to feign interest. Not that he'd answer anyways. He didn't like involving you in his other job.

You puff air through your lips to signify your apathy. "Frank…" you whimper, right by his ear, soft and quiet.

Usually, you avoid asking him to stay home. You never complain about the awkward hours or inconsistent time you get with him. You don't accuse him of being uncaring or allege that he's using you. But maybe it's the fact that he so blatantly denied you tonight that has your mind acting up.

"Quit while you're ahead, baby. I don't wanna argue before I leave," he says.

"I'm not trying to argue. Why can't you just consider it?" you ask.

"You know why. Now, enough," he says, bringing the discussion to an end.

Your head slumps over onto his shoulder, your ear flush against the cotton of his shirt. Of course, you know why. You know why this stuff is important to him. And it makes you feel guilty for even suggesting a brief reprieve from it.

Sagging down, you slide around to the front of his chair and drop to your knees at his feet. You rest your head on his thigh, displeasure displayed across your lips.

"You're so mean to me," you mutter.

He glances down at you, smirking a little at your exaggerated defeat. "You think so?" he prompts.

"Mhm," you hum, nuzzling against the denim covering his leg.

You scoot a little closer to his leg, pressing your torso flush against the limb. Closing the distance brings his foot to rest right between your legs. You feel it, but you don't care to notice it yet. Instead your fingers massage his calve absentmindedly.

The bedroom is quiet for a few moments spare the sounds of fabric rustling and both of your soft breaths. He just watches you for a few moments before you feel his hand pet the curve of your head.

"So unfair," he says.

You suppress the smile wanting to show on your features. The look of joy at receiving his attention. His thumb swipes back and forth over your skull. The warm weight of his palm coasting over you does soothe ypu even if you still wanna act coy.

"Yeah, especially cause I just wanna spend time with you," you sigh.

"You'll get to. Tomorrow," he responds. You can hear the clipped amusement in his voice.

Just as quick as it came, his hand leaves your head. It's back to the table. He moves onto a knife now, cleaning some grimy stain that you don't even want to know the origin of.

Shifting your head upward, you rest your chin on his knee and glare at him. "But-"

"I'm not gonna tell you again the answer is no."

The words die in your throat, leveling down to a whine. "See? Mean," you say.

You turn your head back to his side, squishing your cheek against his knee. The hard bone divots the soft flesh of your cheek like a crater on the moon.

You're content to just sit in this position and rest there until he stands up to go. To cling to his leg like the words "please please please" are about to spill from your lips. But in your deflated state, you sink down a bit more. You relax the muscles in your thighs and inadvertently bring the seat of your panties in direct contact with the scuffed top of his boot.

It doesn't shoot bliss through you like a bolt of lightening, but it sparks a fuse in the pit of your belly. The solid curve of it slotted right up against your clothed heat.

As an experimental touch, you grind your hips down. You make sure to be subtle, not wanting him to see what you're doing before you can determine if it's worth the humiliation. The muted sensation of pleasure that fills your belly answers that question quickly though.

Once you get the first taste, you rock your hips back and forth in little bursts. It wouldn't be noticeable to a quick glance, but a more intentional look would catch the way your ass pushes forward and back.

What gets him to notice is the feeling of you gripping his leg tighter. You press the hard front of his shin between your breasts and down your stomach harder. That gets him to look in your direction. When he does, he finds the sight of you getting yourself off with his boot.

"What're you doing?" he asks, giving you the chance to explain first.

"Nothing," you answer almost instantly.

"Doesn't look like nothing. Doesn't feel like nothing," he says as he tilts the point of his shoe upward. The boost grants some more friction to your clit, drawing a sharp whine out of you.

"Might have to get you a collar if you keep acting like a puppy, baby," he teases.

"I'm not," you whimper. You press your face harder against his knee as if it could act as a shield against the embarrassment.

"Really? Whining and humping my leg like you're in heat doesn't count?" he mocks.

"Shut up," you choke out.

"Attitude," he tuts. He shakes his head before his eyes flit back to the weapon on the table, letting you do your thing.

And you take advantage of that. Your hips move back and forth like a pendulum. You can feel the thin cloth of your underwear getting sticky as arousal leaks from you at the soft stimulation blooming between your legs. Your poor, swollen clit presses on the firm material as you let out a raucous whine. He tsks at you from above.

"It's getting late. You might wanna keep your volume down," he says.

The words come out so dismissive, so passively entertained. As if you're merely background noise. You can't help whining again. Your grip tightens on him, and your hips move in broader circles. If he's just going to let you do this, you're going to take advantage.

More sparks of white hot pleasure fizzle between your thighs. Your cunt ruts over the expanse of Frank's boot in quick strokes. The fabric of your panties only serves to provide some extra friction. Your eyes flutter and your cheek feels numb from the pressure of his kneecap again.

It feels as if you're in your own little world while doing this. Even if you're attached to him, it still seems like you're in a haze of your own at the moment. Just a lusty daze focused on making yourself feel good.

Vaguely, you can hear the clicks of his equipment above. The rustling of pouches and cloths. The clunking of organization. It all means nothing to you. The only thing you're concerned with is how your folds spread across the shape of his shoe.

You mewl softly. A trickle of saliva leaks from your mouth onto the rough fabric of his pants. All your thoughts have melted away. Your limbs stay locked around his leg, ensuring you have secure leverage to rock yourself back and forth.

He still doesn't acknowledge you. His eyes stay on the table. Honestly, you would believe he didn't even know you were there if not for him lowering his foot and then raising it again. The motion gives you a burst of stimulation, an interruption to the rhythm you'd set for yourself.

A desperate whine crackles out of your throat. You spread your thighs further to get down on him and press your aching pussy against him harder.

"Frank…" you whimper before biting your lip for a moment.

This time he doesn't disregard the call for him. He reaches down, sweeping his hand over your head and cupping your jaw. He directs you to look up at him and gets clear view of your empty eyes.

"What is it, baby?" he asks. His thumb brushes back and forth across your lower lip. The simple touch is enough to send you into orbit.

"I…" you try to start. But words are hard to conjure when thoughts have become nothing more than memory. "I love you," you end up choking out.

He chuckles. "Yeah, you do," he agrees.

You whine and lower your head again. Your body doesn't stop swinging your hips. His hand migrates back to the top of your head.

"I love you too, sweetheart," he says. His voice rumbles out low and quiet, so gravelly you can almost feel the vibrations in your bones.

He continues to gaze down at you. His eyes drink in the sight of you getting yourself off on his leg. Your hips constantly drag over the seamless surface of his shoes. Cute little noises pour from your mouth in a never-ending flow. Your eyes scrunch up and your nose crinkles when rushes of euphoria course through you.

"You gonna cum on my boot, doll? Gonna make a mess?" he rasps.

You nod eagerly. "Mhm. Mhm. Mhm," you whimper. In direct contrast to his, your voice floats into the air light and soft.

"Do it. Maybe I'll have you lick it up afterwards. I know you'd do it. Shit, you'd probably fucking like it," he says.

That's all you need to rush the spark on your fuse to the end and send you into an explosion of pleasure. Your back arches and you cling to his leg like it's a lifeline. Your grip gets so tight that had you been more lucid, you probably would have worried about cutting off his circulation.

Your pussy clenches around nothing, your walls fluttering with the urge to feel him spilling inside you in unison. Regardless, you keep rabbiting your hips and working yourself over the peak. Your noises come out more whiny and full of need, aching to hear his grunts in your ear.

As blissed out as you are, your droopy eyes still catch sight of the solid bulge in his pants. You hold out hope that maybe you'll get to have some of what you long for before he goes.

The intensity of your high begins to simmer down to a satisfying warmth as you reach the end. Your hips move slower and slower until they come to a stop. You catch your breath, panting and leaning against his leg totally lax.

He doesn't say anything. He just finishes up what he was doing and lets you come down on your own.

After a few minutes though, he does scoop you up off the ground and into his lap.

"That feel good?" he asks.

Your head bobs up and down.

"Looked like it," he grumbles.

"Not as good as it would've felt with you though," you murmur.

He stares at your content, post-release face. It's not a surprise you want more. Had you not hinted at wanting him to fuck you properly after that, he would have been actually concerned for your well-being.

"Guess you'll have to wait till I get back to find out," he says lowly with a kiss to your temple.

"But Frank…" you say, lazily sliding your hand down. The center of your palm lands on his swelling bulge, giving it enough pressure to drag a hiss from his lips.

He pauses, lets you stroke him a few times. It feels good. He knows he should just push you off. Should send you off to bed now that you're all nice and relaxed. But he can't resist that light caress.

Sighing he lifts you and steps over to the edge of the bed. Dropping you back on the mattress, he starts to remove his belt.

"You got fifteen minutes, ya little brat. After that, I'm still leaving," he tells you before dropping forward and hovering over your body, bringing your lips into a brisk kiss.

[moonchild9350]

The Beauty of Happiness

Summary: You and Hyunjin have been best friends since childhood, but you both discover those feelings have changed over the years.

Pairing: nonidol Hyunjin x fab reader

Genre: college friends to lovers (slow burn), fluff, smut-18+ MDNI

Word Count: 9.6k

Warnings: fingering, masturbation, lots of kissing, p in v penetration, creampie (wrap it up, wrap it up), oral sex (f receiving)

Notes: Thank you all! I have been working on this for a while now and thought it would fit perfect as a thank you for 200 followers! I love each and every one of y'all and appreciate each of your kind comments and reblogs. I hope y'all enjoy this fic! This is my longest one yet hehe.

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Please do not copy, translate, modify, use, or repost this work elsewhere without my permission. ©moonchild9350 (2024)

You met Hyunjin in elementary school, both of you being in the same class. He sat right behind you, pulling your pony tail whenever he could. You would get mad at him, turning around in your chair, giving him your best angry face, to tell him to stop. He would just smirk back at you, before shrugging his shoulders, shoving his hands in his pants pockets. You would huff before turning back around in your seat to pay attention to the teacher. That was one way he would bother you.

Hyunjin loved to seek you out on the playground, saying anything he could to bother you. You usually would ignore him, turning back to your friends to gossip about the latest fashion trends. Hyunjin was frustrated at the lack of attention you would give him, annoyed that everyone paid attention to him but you. He wanted to change that, no one ignored him in his book.

You loved to draw, bringing your beloved sketch book with you to school sometimes, sitting beneath the tree in the front lawn, sketching whatever caught your eye. One day you were focusing on a sketch of a flower that was recently planted, filling in the delicate lines of the petals. Hyunjin popped up next to you, looking over your shoulder at what you were drawing.

“I didn’t know you can draw,” the boy said.

“You didn’t ask,” you replied, not looking up from your sketch. “Why do you care?”

Hyunjin was taken aback at your response. Where was the sweet girl who sat in front of him in class? Who welcomed every new kid who joined the class, no matter who they were?

Shrinking away from you, he responded, “I didn’t mean to upset you….just asked a question.”

He made to leave when you looked up from your drawing, your cheeks flushed red.

“I’m not upset at you,” you said, looking at the boy.

Hyunjin turned around, looking you right in the eyes. “I draw too. It’s my favorite thing to do.”

You were shocked at his words, not thinking that the boy who always annoyed you and sought your attention would share a hobby of yours. You looked down at your sketch book before saying, “well you can bring yours to school to sketch with me next time,” you hesitated before adding on, “if you want.”

Now it was Hyunjin’s turn to blush, before saying, “uhhh…sure…if that’s ok with you.”

You nodded yes before turning back to your sketch. You listened as Hyunjin walked away, not believing he would bring his sketch book to share with you.

However, the next day, while you were at your tree, sketching a bird this time, he plopped down next to you. You looked up startled, watching as he took his sketch book and pencil out of his bag, before opening it and looking around.

“What are you doing?” you asked.

“Sketching duh,” he said while side eyeing you. “You said I could bring mine and sketch with you.”

You just sat there, looking at him. You didn’t think he would actually take you up on the offer. Shaking your head, you went back to your sketch, getting lost in the page as usual. All that could be heard was the occasional scratch of the pencil on the paper or the birds chirping as they flew by. You found it actually relaxing to sketch next to Hyunjin. He didn’t bother you like he usually does, lost in his own sketch. You thought it was nice to have someone here with you.

Your sketch outings became a daily occurrence, both of you sitting in silence, sketching whatever caught your fancy that day. During breaks, you both would talk, discussing your favorite things and sharing completed sketches with each other. You slowly became friends as the weeks, months, and years went by, now meeting up at each others houses to sketch, watch tv, or go on adventures.

You realized he was your best friend, sharing secrets and dreams with him.

****************************************************

That was years ago. Now you both were in your twenties at university. You decided to go to the same university, not wanting to be too far apart from each other.

“I’ve decided I’m going to actually become an art major ,” you told him one day as you were lounging on his bed in his apartment . You had been deciding whether or not to actually go through with the major. Ultimately you decided to go through with it as it was your favorite thing to do and you wanted to display your works in a gallery one day.

Hyunjin, who was sitting at his desk, looked over at you, “you’d be a good painter y/n. I’d say go for it.”

You hummed at his answer, picking up your pencil and paper to go back to sketching.

Hyunjin looked at you a little more before turning back to the essay he was working on. He’d always support your dreams, as long as he could be by your side. He’s not sure when the switch came, his feeling turning from friendship to wanting something more with you. He never voiced this however, scared that you would turn him away and even worse cut off your friendship for good. He was content at concealing his feelings if it meant being by your side.

After a while, you began to pack up your stuff to head back to your dorm. You had a few sketches you needed to finish before the end of the week.

“I’m heading out Hyunjinnie,” you said, “ gotta put the finishing touches on a few of my sketches before class tomorrow.

Hyunjin nodded, “want me to walk you back to your dorm?”

You shook your head no, “I’ll be fine. I’ll let you know when I make it back.”

Hyunjin looked at you and nodded ok. “Alright. Good night, y/n. Make sure to get some sleep yeah?”

“Of course! Don’t worry about me,” you chuckled with a toss of your arm. Hyunjin was a total gentleman. He always made sure you got to your destinations safely, opened doors for you, and treated you so well. Your cheeks would always flush with heat whenever he did these things, making sure you were well cared for.

You gave one final wave before walking out the door, shutting it carefully behind you. You exited his apartment building, feeling the cool, crisp air hit your face, autumn rolling around the corner. You bundled yourself in your jacket a little more and walked towards your dorm. It wasn’t far, just right across the quad from Hyunjin’s apartment.

Fobbing yourself into your dorm, you made your way to your room. You set your bag down by your desk, dropping your keys on the hook you kept by the door. You picked up your shower caddy, needing a warm shower before getting to work. Turning on the hot water, you stepped in, letting the water drip down your body. Your mind couldn’t help but think of Hyunjin, a common occurrence while in the shower.

You thought he was cute and he was such a great guy. You knew he could take care of you and your heart, but you didn’t know if he felt the same way about you. You drifted your hands down your body, leaving feather light touches on your hot skin, causing in contrast a shiver to run down your spine. You repeated this a couple times, imagining it was Hyunjin’s hands instead. You let out a sigh as you pinched your nipple, causing it to pebble. Caressing your breast, you let your fingers wander further down, running your fingers through your folds. You slid them through a few times before pressing them at your entrance gathering slick that was already pooling out of your pussy. Bringing your slick covered fingers to your clit, you gave gentle rubs to the bud, pressing hard every few strokes.

You wished Hyunjin was here, circling your puffy clit with his fingers, whispering sweet nothings in your ear. You knew he would take care of you, make sure you reach your high in his hold. You brought yourself close to your orgasm, rubbing faster on your bundle of nerves, giving your nipple a pinch every now and then. You imagined Hyunjin’s lips on your neck, leaving sweet kisses as you came, rocking your hips along your fingers, riding out your high. Letting out one more shaky breath, you straightened up, shaking your head. These were dangerous thoughts, thoughts you knew would never come true. You finished your shower, wrapping yourself in your fluffy towel before making it back to your room.

Once inside, you checked your phone, noticing a notification from Hyunjin.

Ferret Boy 🦙 Did you make it back? (10:30pm) Hello? (10:35pm) Y/n…I’m getting worried here (11:00pm)

“Shit,” you said under your breath. You had forgotten to let Hyunjin know you made it back safely. Opening the chat box you replied:

Ferret Boy 🦙 Sorry Hyun. I made it back. Just got out of the shower. Please forgive me :)

You hit send and almost immediately got a response back.

Ferret Boy 🦙 Thank god y/n. I’ll think about it lol Don’t stay up too late angel.

You loved it when he called you angel. Blushing you responded:

Ferret Boy 🦙 Wouldn’t dream of it. Night Hyunjinnie <3

You set your phone down on your bed before drying yourself off. You picked out one of your oversized t-shirts and sleep shorts to put on. Tying your hair up in a messy bun, you made your way to your desk, where your sketches were that you were working on. Taking a seat, you picked up your phone once more, opening up your playlist before selecting your favorite music to sketch to. Setting your phone down, you picked up your pencil and started sketching, the soft notes of Bon Iver’s Holocene drifted throughout the room.

You relaxed into your task, focused on finishing up your last two pieces for the assignment. You were to sketch four pieces, the theme being things and or people you love. You decided to sketch a coffee cup filled with your favorite drink, a field of flowers Hyunjin took you to one time, your childhood cat, and last but not least Hyunjin. Once turned in, the top three students who score the highest will get to go on and present their pieces at the end of year showcase. You really wanted to be one of those who scored the highest as you heard that personal from the local galleries sometimes attended the showcase, scouting for the next big artist.

You were currently working on your favorite piece, one of Hyunjin. You were shading in some around his eyes trying to reflect the beauty and perfection you see in him everyday. Humming along to the song playing, you made your finishing touches. Setting your pencil down, you lifted the sketch up to look it over. Satisfied with your work, you set it aside with the other two completed pieces befre picking up the fourth piece.

It was a sketch of a flower, a white Lilly to be exact. You picked this flower for your assignment as it represented beauty and purity, something you thought fit Hyunjin well. The purity being your friendship, and how good natured it is, and of course beauty as Hyunjin was beyond beautiful. All four of your sketches revolved around Hyunjin, each representing a different aspect of your relationship.

Some people may think it’s a little much, to base your whole assignment off one person, but you saw no problem with it. You wanted to express how you saw your best friend for anyone that would look and hopefully Hyunjin himself will get to see them too.

You glanced at the clock, noting it was 2:30am. Sighing you finished your last sketch before standing up and stretching. Carefully picking up your four pieces, you carefully placed them in your portfolio, ready to be turned in tomorrow. You cleaned up your space a little before turning off the lights and sliding under the covers. Closing your eyes, you began to drift away, dreaming of sunny days far away with your best friend.

****************************************************

Your alarm was going off. Groaning, you reached over to your phone to press the snooze button, before snuggling deeper into your blankets. You laid there for a while before you felt yourself drifting off again. That is until your phone went off again, this time signaling you had a phone call coming through. Groaning yet again, you picked up your phone, noting the time of 6am before accepting the call.

Hyunjin’s voice echoed from the other end of the call, “Y/n, angel, wake up. Let’s go grab some breakfast before first period.”

You rubbed your face, attempting to wake up, before grumbling, “Hyun, it’s so early. Can’t we skip breakfast today?”

“Nah uh angel. You need food so you can get through your day. What time did you go to bed anyway?”

“It was almost 3am,” you responded, sitting up in bed. “I wouldn’t hate getting in a couple more hours of sleep.”

You listened to Hyunjin hum before saying, “I know y/n, but how about I buy you whatever you want. We’ll go to your favorite place.”

At that, you perked up a little. “Really?”

“Really,” Hyunjin chuckled.

“Ok, ok, you convinced me. Give me 10,” you replied.

“Perfect, I’ll meet you at your dorm ok?”

“Sounds good Hyunjinnie,” you said before hanging up.

Letting out a sigh and stretching your arms over your head, you got out of bed to get ready. Pulling on a black t-shirt, flannel, and jeans, you walked over to your mirror to do your hair and put on some eyeliner and mascara. Nodding your head at your appearance, you gathered up your books and tossed them in your bag. Slinging the bag over your shoulders, you leaned down to pick up your portfolio before walking out the door.

Hyunjin was waiting for you outside the dorm as promised, looking beautiful as always. He smiled at you when he spotted you walking down the steps.

“Morning sleepy head,” he chuckled before walking toward your destination.

“Morning,” you replied, yawning in the process.

“Did you finish everything you needed to?”

“I did. I think everything looks great. I hope it gets to go on to the showcase.”

“Of course it will angel, no doubt about it.” Hyunjin turned his head to smile at you.

You felt your heart skip a beat at his smile. Looking ahead, you saw the little cafe, your favorite one. The atmosphere was calm and not to mention their food and coffee were to die for. Hyunjin opened the door for you, you slipping through before he walked in after you. The smell of fresh brewed coffee and pastries hit your nose. You inhaled deeply, loving the scent of hope for the day.

“What do you want? Your usual?” Hyunjin asked.

“Yes please,” you responded. “I’ll get us a table while you order.”

Hyunjin nodded before walking away to the counter. You picked a table by the window, that way you could feel the warmth of the rising sun on your skin. You were browsing through your phone when Hyunjin came back, setting your coffees and pastries on the table. You reached for your iced americano and pumpkin loaf with a smile on your face, thanking Hyunjin. He nodded and grabbed his.

“So, what are your sketches about? You never did tell me.”

You took a sip of your coffee before looking Hyunjin in the eyes, the sun reflecting off the big, brown orbs.

“Not telling,” you said. “Want it to be a surprise, especially if it goes onto the showcase.”

Hyunjin pouted at you. “Aww come on angel, not even a little hint?” He pleaded.

“Nope, sorry,” you smirked back at him.

Hyunjin sighed. “Well ok, if you insist.”

You watched as he brushed his hand through his long hair. How can someone be so perfect and beautiful you thought. You ate in silence for a little, thinking of your classes for the day, not really looking forward to any of them. Well, you were looking forward to advanced art. Brushing the crumbs off your hands, you looked at the time.

“Shit, it’s already 7:30. I gotta go, don’t want to be late dropping my portfolio off.”

Hyunjin nodded, “ok, leave your trash, I’ll take care of it. Text me when you have a break, k?”

You nodded your head, gathering your bag and portfolio and walked out the door. Breathing in the crisp, morning air, you walked toward the art building, it being on the other side of campus. You didn’t mind the walk however, as it was a beautiful campus, trees and flowers everywhere.

Once arriving at the building, you opened the door, the chilly air-conditioning blowing in your face in contrast to the warm sun outside. You made your way to the classroom, plopping down in your seat. The professor walked in then, asking everyone to bring their portfolios up to the front of the class. She announced that the students chosen for the showcase would be notified by the end of the week.

You dropped yours off as directed, before sitting back down in your seat, getting out your sketch book. The rest of the class was spent drawing a still life portrait, your other favorite theme to draw…besides Hyunjin. At the close of class, you texted Hyunjin asking where he was. Your phone pinged:

Ferret Boy 🦙 I’m back at my apartment. Wanna come over

You responded yes and that you were on your way. You walked across campus to Hyunjin’s place, letting yourself in as Hyunjin had left the door unlocked for you.

“Hey angel,” Hyunjin greeted you from the couch. He had some shitty reality tv show on, the drama king himself immersed in the show. You kicked off your shoes, making your way over to the couch before plopping down next to Hyunjin with a sigh. You leaned against the pillow on the couch, draping your feet across Hyunjin’s lap.

“Why do you watch this crap?” you inquired as you watched the drama unfold on screen.

“It’s mindless. Plus the fights are entertaining.” Hyunjin replied.

“It’s entertaining because you’re mister drama king yourself,” you said laughing.

Hyunjin stuck his tongue out at you before giving you a smile, turning his head back to the tv. You pulled out your phone, scrolling through social media, as you got comfortable. You felt cozy, the tv in the background, Hyunjin’s warm body next to you. Before you knew it, your eyes began to close, feeling the effects of your late night. You dreamed of Hyunin and his gentleness, that he was yours as you were his.

****************************************************

You opened your eyes, finding yourself curled up in a ball, wrapped in a blanket. You turned your head, seeing Hyunjin sitting next to you, sketchbook in hand. You silently watched him for a while, watching his hand glide across the paper. Eventually Hyunjin noticed you were awake, looking at you still curled up in your ball.

“Welcome back,” Hyunjin chuckled.

You groaned and stretched out, feeling your joints crack with the motion. Pulling the blanket to your face, you snuggled in once more before asking, “I’m hungry, you should feed me.”

Hyunjin laughed, “of course, gotta feed angel or she’ll tear me apart.”

You nodded your head at his statement, knowing you truly were a terror when you were hungry. Hyunjin closed his sketchbook, setting it down on the table before grabbing his phone.

“What do you want to eat?” Hyunjin asked, pulling up the delivery app.

You thought for a minute before saying, “pizza!”

Hyunjin chuckled. “You and your cheese fixation.”

You shrugged your shoulders, not ashamed at all. Who doesn’t like cheese? While you both waited on the pizza, Hyunjin chatted about his art class and their current project. “We’re working on oil paintings. I’m really liking this unit. I think it’s my favorite medium to use so far.”

You listened to Hyunjin, in awe of him taking about his passion. Watching as his eyes lit up when discussing the topic of his paintings to the little uptick of his lips as he ranted about how he ran out of a paint, having to stop for the day instead of finishing the painting as planned. As Hyunjin was starting to discuss the next unit they would move onto in a few weeks, the doorbell rang, signaling the pizza was here. You jumped up, running to the door, scaring the delivery man in the process at your sudden appearance. You grabbed the pizza, thanking the man, before closing the door and making your way back to the couch.

You sat down and opened the box, grabbing a slice and taking a bite. You let out a moan at the taste, closing your eyes as you chewed.

“Is it everything you could have dreamed off?” Hyunjin teased, shaking his head at your dramatics.

You nodded your head before taking another bite. You both finished eating in silence, the pizza being too good. After Hyunjin finished his last bite, he turned to you. “Are you staying the night?”

You licked your fingers, licking the sauce off before looking at the time on your phone. Noting it was almost 11pm, you shook your head yes. “If you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t mind angel. We can cuddle!” He said, giving you a smile.

You both cleaned up the mess before walking to Hyunjin’s room. You sat down on his bed, watching as he rummaged through his drawers. Straightening up, he turned to you and handed you one of his shirts. You took the clothing, making your way to his bathroom to change. You put your hair up and then walked out of the bathroom, pulling the covers back and sliding in. Hyunjin had already changed while you were in the bathroom. He turned off the light and then slid under the covers, sliding in next to you.

“Come here angel,” he said, cradling you into his chest.

You cuddled with Hyunjin all the time, this wasn’t a new occurrence. But that didn’t stop your heart from beating wildly, as you tucked your head into his chest. You eventually were at ease and started to drift off, the feeling of Hyunjin stroking your hair lulling you to sleep.

****************************************************

The next morning, you opened your eyes to the blinding sun. Your back was to Hyunjin, his arms wrapped around your waist and his head tucked into your neck. You sighed at the feeling, wishing you could wake up like this every morning. You looked at the time, and let out a low groan. You had to make your way back to your dorm, as you had class in a few hours.

You pushed back the covers, feeling Hyunjin stir behind you. You got up, finding your clothes from yesterday, and going into the bathroom. You slipped on your clothes, tossing Hyunjin’s shirt in the hamper before exiting the bathroom. Hyunjin was sitting up in bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Morning angel,” he said in a raspy voice. “Leaving?”

“Yeah, I have class in a few hours and I wanna go back to my dorm and shower.”

Hyunjin nodded, getting out of bed to walk you out. Right before you opened the door, he pulled you in for a hug, burying his face in your hair. You were shocked at first, but eventually wrapped your arms around his waist, breathing in his scent. You both stood there in front of his front door, silence filling the room. So much was said in that hug, neither of you wanting to pull away.

But, all good things must come to an end. Hyunjin pulled away, giving you a smile. “Text me when you get back, yeah?”

“Of course Hyun,” you replied as you put your shoes on. You opened the door, and made your way to your dorm.

****************************************************

The rest of the week passed uneventful, your days filled with class and Hyunjin. The day of the announcement of who would go onto the showcase was today, your nerves getting the better of you. You were at Hyunjin’s apartment, sitting once more on his couch.

You were a nervous wreck, your leg was bouncing up and down, a finger in your mouth as you bit at the nail. Every now and then you let out a sigh, checking the time for the hundredth time. Hyunjin watched you, observing how you appeared to become anxious as time went on, wishing he could do something about it. He reached out to you and placed his hand on your leg, giving it a squeeze.

“Hey, whatever happens, it’ll be ok.” Hyunjin sought out your eyes, finally making direct eye contact. You let out the breath you were holding, nodding your head once before turning back to your computer screen.

It was time. You pulled up the class page, eyes darting immediately to the announcement portion of the page. You held your breath as you read a brief statement from the professor, thanking everyone for their hard work and dedication. You kept reading, until the end, eyes frozen on the screen once you got to the name of the person chosen. You sat like that for a moment, eyes trained on the screen in disbelief..

“Well? Did you get it? Are you going to the showcase?” Hyunjin asked, searching your face for any hint.

You turned your head to look at him, your eyes finding his. “I did it.” You slowly said. “I’m going to the showcase.”

You both stared at each other, before a big smile spread on Hyunjin’s face. You couldn’t help but smile back, wrapping your arms around him in a big hug.

“I knew you would get it angel,” Hyunjin said, squeezing you tighter.

You buried your head in his neck, letting out the breath you had been holding. You did it. You fucking did it. You were in disbelief, still wrapping your head around the fact that you made it. Your sketches were going to be shown to thousands of people, and if you’re lucky, maybe even be displayed in the local gallery.

You pulled back, your hands still wrapped around Hyunjin. He looked down at you, eyes flickering to your lips before darting back to your eyes. You almost missed the movement, but it was there. You sat still , not knowing what to do, frozen in your spot. You removed your arms from around Hyunjin, leaning back to put distance between you two.

Clearing your throat, you asked, “Would you like to be my plus one?”

“Of course angel. You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Hyunjin replied, reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

You looked into his eyes once more, watching as he gave you a smile. He dropped his hand from your face, his fingers brushing down your cheek in the process. You briefly closed your eyes at the feeling, before opening them and shutting your lap top.

“So what’s next?” Hyunjin asked.

“Well, I’ll be transferring my sketches onto canvas. I think I’ll stick to an acrylic medium. It’s what I know best.” You let out a sigh, “I’m going to be pretty busy this week. Th deadline to get the paintings in is in one week.”

Hyunjin nodded, “well I’m here to help if you need it…even if it’s just for company.”

“Thanks Hyun. I guess I need to make sure I have everything I need. Wanna go to the store with me?”

“Of course! Let’s go angel. We’ll get food while we’re out too.”

“Great, cause I’m starving now that that’s over.” Hyunjin chuckled at you, getting up from the couch to walk to the door. You grab your bag and followed him, both of you putting on your shoes to leave.

****************************************************

Later that night, you were back at your dorm, Hyunjin dropping you off after your store run and dinner. You took a shower, deciding to get started on your paintings after. You put on lofi in the background and got to work organizing your space. You decided to start on the coffee cup sketch, wishing you actually had a cup now. It didn’t take you long to zone in, focused on your painting, humming to the tunes playing softly in the background.

You felt at peace, the stroke of the brush on the canvas soothing you, as all of your worries and thoughts left your mind.

Reaching a stopping point, you looked up at your clock. It was already 3am. Cursing under your breath, you put your brush down, stretching out your arms. Deciding to call it a night, you cleaned your brushes, placing them back in the cup you kept on your desk. Grabbing your phone, you crawled into bed. Snuggling into the blankets, you found yourself drifting off.

The rest of the week went by quickly, your nights spent working on your paintings for the showcase. The day of honor was getting closer, along with your deadline to turn in said paintings. Hyunjin spent some evenings with you, watching you paint or doing some sketching of his own. You always made sure he couldn’t see your drawings, wanting it to be a surprise for the night of the showcase. He didn’t mind, knowing he would get to see them soon enough.

You appreciated Hyunjin’s company, as some nights you felt stressed, freaking out about the deadline and worrying about how people would react to your work. Each time you doubted yourself, Hyunjin was there to make sure to squash that doubt. Deep down you knew everything would be ok, but on the surface, every worry was brought to attention.

The night before the due date, you and Hyunjin sat in your room once more, your playlist on in the background, Hyunjin lounging on your bed. He was humming along to the song that was playing, as you put the finishing touches to your last painting. Setting your brush down, you leaned back to look at the finished product, smiling as you saw your recreation of Hyunjin on the canvas. You could never capture his beauty completely, but you damned near tried.

“Done?” Hyunjin asked, looking up at you.

“Mmhmm, I think so.” You sat back and massaged your temples, happy to be done.

Hyunjin grinned, opening up his arms beckoning you to come cuddle with him. You stood up, and slid under the blankets, snuggling into Hyunjin and letting out a sigh. You both laid there in silence, enjoying each other’s company. You listened to Hyunjin’s heart, the rhythmic sound soothing you. You didn’t realize how tired you were, your eyes starting to droop. You thought you heard Hyunjin say something, but you were on the verge of dreamland, not caring what was going on around you.

Hyunjin noticed you falling asleep, a smile on his face as he tucked you in. He settled next to you, his body facing yours. You looked so beautiful and peaceful, your features softening as you fell into a deeper sleep. He loved seeing you like this, the softness of your eyes, gently fluttering as you dreamed hopefully of nice things. He loved watching your soft lips part, your breathing slowing down with each passing moment. He loved you, everything about you, and he hoped to tell you so one day. With a smile gracing his face, he closed his eyes, hoping to dream of you.

****************************************************

The next day, you got up early, earlier than you normally would at least, so you could gather your paintings and bag. You had to turn them in today, so the professor could pass them on to the event coordinator for the showcase. You heard Hyunjin wake, sitting up in bed to watch you move around your room.

“Morning angel,” he said yawning, running a hand through his hair.

You mumbled out a morning, grabbing your clothes to put on for the day. You quickly brushed your hair into a pony tail, forgoing makeup.

“I’m leaving Hyun. Stay as long as you want, but I have to get these over to the building.”

Hyunjin nodded, laying back down on your pillows. “I’ll be here angel.”

You grabbed your bag and paintings and headed out the door. You made your way across campus, a little urgency in your step. Arriving at the building, you made your way to the classroom, dodging other students in the hallway so you wouldn’t drop anything.

Once you entered the classroom, you walked up to the professor, setting your paintings down carefully on her desk.

“Ahh thank you y/n. Congratulations on being selected. Your sketches were very good. I can see you’ve worked hard to transfer them as paintings.”

“Thank you,” you responded, a shy smile spreading on your face. “Will they be dropped off today? To the coordinators?”

“Yes, they will be. They’ll keep them safe and will hang them up in time for the showcase.”

You nodded, thanked her once again before walking back out of the classroom. You made your way back to your dorm, opting to stop and grab some coffee and snacks for you and Hyunjin.

Opening up your door, you were met with the sight of Hyunjin sprawled out on your bed, softly snoring. You chuckled, setting the coffees and snacks on your desk, opting to sit on your chair. You ate your pastry while looking through your phone, trying to keep quiet as your best friend continued to sleep.

You felt like you could breathe now, if only for a moment. Your next hurdle would be the showcase this weekend. You decided to go for a walk to help clear your mind. Grabbing your shoes, you made your way outside, breathing in the fresh air. You slowly made your way around campus, enjoying the scenery. The trees were starting to turn colors, the leaves a beautiful shades of red and orange. You smiled as squirrels dashed across the sidewalk in front of you, making their way to the next tree. The warm sun was beating down on your skin, warming you through and through. You were happy you went on this walk, your mind clearer than it had been thirty minutes ago.

Checking the time, you decided to walk back to your dorm, as Hyunjin would probably be up now. Opening your door, you saw him perched on your bed, nibbling on the food and coffee you brought back with you earlier.

“Hey, just getting back?”

“Nah, went for a walk to clear my head.”

“Ah, angel what’s wrong?”

“Just nervous about this weekend. What if nobody likes my work? What if me winning was a mistake?” You paced the floor, slowly becoming anxious again.

“Y/ninnie, everyone will love your work, I’m more than sure about that.” Hyunjin softly replied. He frowned seeing how distressed you were. “Come here angel.”

You slowly made your way to your bed, crawling over and into Hyunjin’s arms. You nuzzled your head into his chest, breathing in his scent. He slowly brushed his hands up and down your back, trying to soothe you.

You didn’t pull away, your head resting in the crook of his neck as he laid you two down to cuddle. Your lips brushed against his skin as you let out a sigh, your body slowly relaxing in his hold. You felt Hyunjin kiss the top of your head. You lifted your head up to look him in the eyes. Hyunjin gazed at you, his brown orbs soft and gentle, radiating his fondness for you.

Hyunjin brought his head down to yours, as he gently brushed his lips to yours. Your body tensed at the sudden intrusion, but as he continued to press kiss after kiss to your lips, you relaxed, returning his feather soft kisses. Hyunjin rested his forehead against yours, as you tightened your hold on him.

With a deep breath Hyunjin whispered, “I like you y/n. I have for a while. I just haven’t said anything because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. I like you so so much angel.”

You laid there in silence, letting Hyunjin’s words sink in. Hyunjin liked you. He actually liked you more than a friend. Your mind was spinning at his confession. You could tell he was starting to get antsy and probably worried at your silence, as minutes passed without you saying anything.

“Hyunjinnie I like you too. I really do.” You replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

Hyunjin smiled, stroking your face, and hugging you closer. He slotted his lips with yours once more, breathing out a sigh of relief. Your mouths moved in tandem, neither one of you in a hurry, your hands exploring each other’s bodies. You felt Hyunjin’s hands slide under your shirt, his hands sliding up and down your side before reaching your breasts. He gave them a light squeeze, brushing his fingers softly across your nipple, a low moan leaving your lips.

Hyunjin repeated the motion, again and again, in no hurry to move on. You felt yourself getting hot, your arousal leaking into your panties. You instinctively rolled your hips against his, catching Hyunjin by surprise.

“Angel, maybe we should stop,” Hyunjin said.

You let out a sigh. You really didn’t want to, but you understood why you had to. You nodded your head in agreement, a slight pout on your face. Hyunjin pressed a kiss on your forehead before untangling himself from you and sitting up.

“So, even though I said we should stop, we probably should talk about what this is.” Hyunjin said.

“Ok, I think we should too.”

“Y/n, like I said earlier, I’ve liked you for a while. Would you believe me if I said I’ve kinda had a crush on you since elementary school?” Hyunjin chuckled.

You stared at him in shock. You couldn’t believe it. All this time your childhood liked you the same as you liked him. You guys could have been together instead of wasting all this time.

“Wow, I never would have thought Hyun. I like you too. Does this make us more than friends?” You asked hopefully.

Hyunjin looked at you, “if you’ll have me angel.”

You smiled at him, genuine happiness reaching your eyes. You sat up and pressed a quick kiss on Hyunjin’s lips. “Then I guess you’re mine.”

Hyunjin grinned at your statement. “My beautiful girl.”

You blushed at his words. You watched as he got up out of bed, reaching his hand down for you to take.

“Let’s grab some food my love.”

You nodded yes and smiled, placing your hand in his as he pulled you up. You were over the moon. Seems like your weekend was starting off swell.

**************************************************** You spent the day with Hyunjin, in which it was filled with absolute bliss. Knowing he liked you back was like a breath of fresh air. You were over the moon, giddy, and ecstatic that you could call him yours. After all you had been waiting for this moment for years. You really hoped your luck would hold out until for the showcase too.

Hyunjin walked you back to your dorm that night, promising to pick you up the next day to walk you over to the building where the showcase would be held. Once he brought you to the door, he lifted your chin with his fingers, bringing his lips to yours. You felt time slip away, focusing only on the feel of his lips on yours. You would never get tired of the feeling.

Hyunjin pulled back, “good night angel. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Night Hyun. Thank you for today.”

“Of course, anything for my girl,” Hyunjin said. “Now go to bed angel, you have a big day tomorrow.”

He watched as you made your way to the door, making sure you made it inside. You truly did have a big day tomorrow and the ideas of going to bed earlier than you normally do sounded appealing. You changed into your sleep clothes and turned out the lights. Your dreams were filled with Hyunjin once more, but this time they were a little different, your relationship having progressed.

***************************************************

Today’s the day. The day of the showcase. You woke up, blinking away your dreams, before letting out a sigh and stretching your legs. You checked your phone, clearing out notifications from overnight, before getting up. You decided to take a long shower, pulling out all the stops for the day. You wanted to look in tip top shape. You used your best shampoo, the floral scent permeating the bathroom. You let out a sigh, the warm water easing the tension from your body, your anxiety picking up again. You finished up, before stepping out and wrapping your fluffiest towel around your body.

Once back in your room, you put on your playlist before attempting your hair and makeup. You hummed along to the song, applying a little highlighter. You were almost done when you heard your phone buzz. Putting your makeup brush down, you checked your phone:

Ferret Boy 🦙 Hey angel, ready for today

Sighing you turned down the music so you could think, your brain only being able to focus on one thing at a time at the moment.

Ferret Boy 🦙 I’m getting there Hyun. I’m nervous tbh.

A few moments passed before your phone pinged again.

Ferret Boy 🦙 Oh angel, I’m on my way ok?

You let out a breath. What would you do without this man.

Ferret Boy🦙 Thank you hyun♡ I’ll be waiting.

You set your phone down again, turning your playlist back on. You were almost done with your makeup, putting on the finishing touches when you heard a knock at your door. You got up to let Hyunjin in, opening the door to see him standing there with coffees in his hand.

“Hey angel, got you a little something.”

“You’re the best Hyun,” you said taking your coffee from his hand.

Hyunjin stepped into your room and closed the door. “Forgetting something aren’t you?”

You turned back to face him, a smile on your face. “Hmmm not sure, maybe so.”

Hyunjin chuckled before closing the distance between you two and wrapping his arms around your waist. He brought his head down for a kiss, gripping your waist tighter.

“Ok angel,” he said pulling back, “let me see what you’re going to wear for the showcase.”

You were taken aback by the change in topic. Shaking your head, you walked to your closet, pulling out an outfit you put together earlier in the week. You decided on some jeans and a black top, keeping it simple and neat. You started to untie your towel to change.

“Close your eyes Hyun.”

Hyunjin obliged immediately, not wanting to cross any boundaries and make you uncomfortable. You quickly changed into your outfit, letting Hyunjin know when you were done. Hyunjin opened his eyes, his gaze falling on you. You could make anything look beautiful and this was no exception.

“You look beautiful angel. So so beautiful.”

You blushed at Hyunjin’s comments, your eyes falling to the ground. “Thanks,” you mumbled.

You walked over to your desk, plugging in your hair dryer and curling wand. You slowly did your hair, making sure every strand was styled correctly, talking with Hyunjin the whole time. You were glad he was here, his company causing you to feel calmer.

“All done,” you said, turning your curling wand off and setting it down. You looked in the mirror for any stray hairs that wasn’t styled, but was satisfied with your look. “How do you I look?” You asked, standing up and giving a twirl so Hyunjin could see every aspect of your outfit.

“Absolutely stunning angel. I think it’s perfect for the showcase. Of course though you look good in anything.”

“Thanks Hyun.” You took a deep breath and let it out. “I guess this is it. I’m ready.”

Hyunjin nodded, standing up and making his way to you. He grabbed your hand and then you both walked to the door and started to make your way to the event of the hour. The whole way, Hyunjin held your hand, giving it a squeeze every now and then. You appreciated his presence, excited but nervous for him to see your work. You arrived at the building, pausing at the door.

“Well I guess I better go in,” you said, letting out a shaky breath.

“You’re going to do great angel. I’ll be there cheering you on the whole time okay? Can’t wait to see your paintings.” Hyunjin said with a smile on his face. He brought your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss on your knuckles.

You smiled back before letting go of his hand and walked into the building. You made your way to your professor.

“Ah y/n! You made it! Your section is over there. You can go wait in that area. The doors should open shortly.”

You nodded, thanking her before making your way to the spot she pointed out. As you rounded the corner, you spotted your paintings, the canvases lined up next to each other, the overhead light shining on your works perfectly. You took a moment to look at them, happy with how they turned out. You could do this.

**************************************************** Shortly after, you heard the rustle of people moving about, the doors officially opened. The hall was filled with soft murmurs and laughter as people walked from exhibit to exhibit discussing the works on the wall. You took a breath in and let it out, prepared to engage with those around you.

Group after group passed by, stopping to look at your paintings, murmurs of praise floating through the room. You answered the occasional question, explaining your inspiration for the works. People smiled at you, and rained comments onto you. You could feel your face heat up at the praise, you graciously accepting their praise and comments.

You’re sure a few hours have passed, before a lady who looked important walked up to you.

“Y/n?” The lady asked.

“Yes, that’s me,” you replied, a soft smile gracing your face.

“My name is Iseul. I’m the manager of Expressions Art Gallery. I’m impressed with your work. It shows such emotion and the attention to detail is beautiful. We would love to display your paintings at our gallery. Is this something you would consider?”

Your eyes widened in shock as you held your breath. Letting it out, you smiled, “I’d be honored. Yes, I’d love to display my work with your gallery!” You were over the moon.

“Great, we will be in touch over the next few days. Congratulations once again y/n.”

You watched as she walked away, in shock at what just transpired. You were excited, to say the least, your dream coming true. You looked around, spotting Hyunjin making his way to you, a huge smile on your face.

“Hey angel. Wow, look at these,” Hyunjin murmured, his eyes glued to your paintings.

You watched his eyes wonder from one painting to the next, studying the detail you put into the work. When he came to the painting of him, he gasped, before turning to you.

“Is that me, angel?”

You nodded your head. “It is. You make me happy so I thought it fitting to paint you Hyun. All of the places and items up here revolve around our years of friendship. After all, I’ve felt happy all these years because of you.” You looked down, embarrassed at your confession, worried Hyunjin would find it weird.

“Angel, this is beautiful. I love that you included our story in your work.” Hyunjin turned to you and grabbed your hands, bringing them to his lips.

He smiled at you, kissing your hands before bringing them back down to your side. The moment felt perfect, Hyunjin approved of your paintings, he was here with you. People moved around you, their voices fading away as you focused on the man in front of you. Hyunjin gazed into your eyes before whispering “y/n.”

You were brought out of your reverie after someone accidentally bumped into you, apologizing as they moved on. You cleared your throat at the disturbance and looked once more at Hyunjin. He stayed by your side the rest of the night, standing aside when you spoke with others about your work and moving back to your side once you were done.

**************************************************** The night ended successfully, the last groups making their way to the exit. You let out a breath, ecstatic that tonight was successful. You turned to Hyunjin, “ready to go?”

“Of course angel. Wanna come back to my place?”

You nodded yes, grabbing his hand, as you walked toward the exit. Once you both were outdoors, you took in a deep breath, breathing in the fresh night air. The stars were out and the moon bright, illuminating your path back to Hyunjin’s apartment.

“Soooo, guess what Hyun?”

“Hmmm?” Hyunjin inquired.

“I met the manager with Expressions. They want to display my work at their gallery!”

“Angel that’s amazing! Congratulations! I knew it would work out,” Hyunjin replied squeezing your hand.

You were grinning from ear to ear, thinking the night couldn’t be anymore perfect. You both walked up the steps of Hyunjin’s apartment building, making your way to his place. Once inside, you plopped down on his couch, a sigh of relief leaving your mouth. Hyunjin sat down next to you, pulling you into his arms. You rested your head on his chest, Hyunjin grabbing the remote to turn it on to the shitty reality shows he likes to watch.

You both sat in silence, feeling comfortable in each other’s embrace. The day was exhausting so to say. You started to drift off, snuggling deeper into Hyunjin. Hyunjin looked down, watching you try to fight off sleep.

“Come on angel, let’s go to bed.”

Hyunjin turned the tv off before scooping you up in his arms and bringing you to his room. He sat you down gently on his bed, walking to his dresser to pull out one of his shirts. He handed it to you, walking to the bathroom to let you get changed. You shucked off your jeans and shirt and slipped his on, before settling back into bed. Hyunjin joined you a little later, leaving on the LED lights on his ceiling to cause a soft blue glow around the room.

He pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to your head before pressing a kiss to your jaw. You tilted your head, allowing him more access to your neck, allowing him to press wet kisses down your neck. He found your pulse point, lightly sucking on the skin, nipping at the area every now and then. You threaded your hands through his hair, soft moans falling from your lips.

Hyunjin pulled back, looking down at you. “So beautiful angel. My beautiful girl. Can I have you?” He whispered.

You nodded your consent, giving him a smile. Hyunjin smiled back before leaning down to press his lips against yours. He kissed you soft and sweet, his lips gently moving with yours, letting out low moans, as he squeezed you tighter to him. You could feel him filling out in his shorts, your slick pouring out into your panties. You rolled your hips against his, letting out a gasp at the feeling of his hard cock brushing against your clothed core. Hyunjin took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue tangling with yours. You let out a breathy moan, tightening your hold on him.

Hyunjin kissed lower and lower, pressing sweet kisses on your collarbone, his hands reaching under and up your shirt, rubbing your sides. He grasped the edges of your shirt, and started to lift it up and over your head. You laid back down after being freed from your shirt, your chest on display to the man above you.

“Absolutely beautiful, a work of art,” Hyunjin murmured, bringing his hands up to grasp your breasts. He massaged the flesh before leaning down to take a nipple in his mouth. You moaned at the feeling, as he sucked on your nipple, before giving the other nipple the same attention.

“Love your tits angel,” Hyunjin said before making his way further down, licking and kissing down your tummy. He placed a kiss at the top of your panties, his hands reaching to pull them down. He tossed them somewhere in the room, before looking down at you, laid bare before him. He gazed lovingly at your body, mesmerized by your curves.

He proceeded to lean back down, pressing kisses down your pelvis and thighs. You squirmed at the touch of his lips, wanting them elsewhere. Hyunjin continued to worship your body and press kisses on your thighs, nipping at your skin before he pressed a chaste kiss against your clit. You gasped at the feeling, before letting out a moan as he licked a stripe from your entrance to your clit. Hyunjin latched onto your bundle of nerves, sucking the bud with his plush lips. You felt your slick leak out, the pleasure mounting as Hyunjin made out with your pussy. You rocked your hips, riding Hyunjin’s face, gripping his hair harder and harder with each passing moment. You were close, that familiar feeling of the coil in your belly ready to snap.

Hyunjin lifted his head, licking your slick from his lips. You whined at the loss of contact, watching as he pulled down his shorts, freeing his hard on. He stroked his cock, spreading his pre-cum up and down his shaft, his gaze never leaving yours. Bringing his cock down to your lips, he rubbed his cock through your folds, tapping it against your clit a few times.

“Hyun, please, need you. Make me yours please,” you whined, spreading your legs wider for him.

“I got you angel,” Hyunjin replied, pressing his tip into your entrance, before slowly sliding in. The stretch felt so good, you throwing your head back in pleasure. Hyunjin pushed and pushed until he bottomed out, a moan leaving his lips at how tight you were around him.

“Can I move angel? Can I make you mine?”

You shook your head yes, pushing your hips up to get him to move. Hyunjin smiled down at you as he dragged his cock out and pushed it back in. He rested his arms on the side of your head as he rocked his hips into you, gazing into your eyes. You tried to get him to go faster, begging for him to fuck you harder, but Hyunjin just shook his head.

“Let me make love to you angel,” Hyunjin gasped out. “Fuck I love you so much angel. My beautiful girl, all mine.”

You felt overwhelmed, the feeling of Hyunjin’s cock dragging in and out of you, in a deep but slow pace, little moans falling from your lips with each thrust. You kept eye contact with Hyunjin as he fucked you, whispering his name over and over.

Sweat dripped down Hyunjin’s face as he fucked into you, your tight pussy hugging his cock perfectly. You were made for him. He knew it all along, but these last few days confirmed the feeling. He rocked his hips at a slightly faster pace, his high approaching. He could tell you were close too, your whines getting louder. He brought a finger down to your clit, rubbing the bud to get you there. He wanted to cum with you, to drown you with his love.

You were close, Hyunjin speeding along your orgasm with the touch of his fingers on your clit. Your moans increased in pitch, the coil tightening, threatening to snap at any moment. You breathed out, again and again, your chest raising and falling with each thrust, the feeling more intense than ever before.

“Cum with me angel,” Hyunjin moaned out, his hips losing their rhythmic motion as he continued to rock into you.

With one, two, three more thrusts, Hyunjin came, his cum flooding your walls, the warmth of his cum and feeling of Hyunjin’s fingers on your clit bringing you over the edge. You felt intense ecstasy, your orgasm spreading throughout your body, the feeling more powerful than you ever felt before. You clutched onto Hyunjin, bringing him flush to your chest as he continued to rock his hips into you, riding out your highs together.

You both laid there, your breathing coming back to normal. Hyunjin lifted his head to press kisses against your face, murmuring “I love you” after each one. You sighed, more than satisfied, tightening your hold on Hyunjin.

After a while, Hyunjin detangled himself from you, slowly pulling his softened cock out of you.

“Let me clean you up angel.”

You watched as he left to grab a towel, and came to wipe you down, gently running the warm cloth up and down your body cleaning up the fluids painted across your nether region. He placed the towel on his bedside table before pulling you under the covers with him.

“My beautiful girl,” he whispered, his eyes never leaving your face. “Mine all mine.”

He couldn’t believe it, you were his, finally. He has you now and he wasn’t ever going to let you go. Pressing a kiss to your face, he soothed you to sleep, happy he met you all those years ago. Happy you gave a guy like him a chance. As his eyes closed, succumbing to sleep, he thanked the lucky stars that he was able to be with the girl who brings art to life and who is a work of art herself.

Taglist: @jeonginsleftcheek @jehhskz @thesilvernight0wl @armystay89

[bekkathyst]

BEKKATHYST 10th Business Anniversary Giveaway!

~This giveaway is in no way affiliated with Tumblr.~

Please read thoroughly before entering!

Hello lovely Tumblr folk! It’s that time again- I have a giveaway for you all. This one is extra special because my business/shop turned 10 years old earlier this year! 💜

We have an online store that could use your support!

You can also find us on Instagram.

About us: My business is a small, family-run establishment that I started here on tumblr in 2013. I’ve been lucky enough to grow to the point where this supports me, my partner, and our daughter. In the US we also had a brick-and-mortar shop in which I employed my mom and a few of my siblings. However, we closed it to be able to move to Austria, my home country! 💜 I strived to put compassion and ethics above all else in my business, and I hope that shines through. We have a website but also run many fun sales directly here on Tumblr!

One of our long-term customers graciously asked to sponsor this giveaway, so I'd like to give a huge thank you to @classicintp !! Also thank you to everyone who voted on which crystal should be featured in the giveaway. Opal won in a landslide!

This giveaway will have two winners.

What the first winner receives:

The two amazing specimens of opal shown above! The darker piece is a boulder opal from Australia with a hole drilled through it (so it can be worn as a necklace) and the lighter piece is a massive rough chunk of welo opal from Ethiopia. The retail value of both of these opals is approximately $650.

What the second winner receives:

A $50 gift card that can be used for our online store or tumblr sales!

Rules:

You must be 16 or older. (If under 18 you MUST have parent’s permission)

You can be from anywhere in the world! I am shipping from Austria.

Shipping is entirely free, I will cover it. But if you live in a country that charges import tax on gifts, you are responsible for it. If it gets sent back to me, you will need to pay shipping to have it sent again.

You must be following me, so you can get updates if anything about the giveaway changes.

Please check out our online shop!

Reblog this post to enter. Likes count as additional entries. No giveaway or spam blogs. If you reblog on a side blog, let me know in the tags what the name of your blog is that you’re following me with.

Please don’t spam people with reblogs- limit 2 reblogs per blog per day.  

At the end, each entry will be assigned a number and the winner will be chosen by a random number generator.

The giveaway ends Tuesday, August 1st, 2023.

The winners will be messaged and must respond with their full name and address within 24 hours, or a new winner will be chosen.

Please respect me and my rules, and have fun!

[dee-the-red-witch]

Okay, this is it.

It's been ten years of fucked-up, and it's been ramping up more and more over the last three since I came out. Between getting used emotionally and financially to be the sole support for this family, Getting harmed daily by a kid that I want to love and support but who can't understand who this stranger is that replace his dad and more and more things on top of it. To the point where I've had no resources, barely any energy to work or function, and near constantly hit adrenaline rush responses at random loud noises. But things are moving forward. Monday, my son moves into care that's well-equipped for him, and they'll be better for him than I ever will be at this point or any time in the future. My oldest kid is old enough to be independent and start doing their own thing enough to get out of here. I don't have to worry about or protect them.

I can get out. Just move, on my own, find a safe place and rest and heal. Finally. Just, I have zero resources to do it with. The last decade has fucked my credit and rental history badly, I'm sure, as well. Which means finding a place within my normal budget and sweetening the pot by pre-paying as many extra months as I can. Plus that way I can be covered for housing during my transition surgery recoveries, since this family and apartment managed to drain every last cent from my transition fund to keep from becoming unhoused. And it'll mean me having to do a lot less asking for support and help, because I won't be supporting four people on one income any longer. But all of that means I need to get money together. Quick. And a lot. At least 5k, if not closer to ten. So, yeah, I'm asking for help again. To donate: http://paypal.me/tormentedartifacts

If you want to get something in return for helping, there's also always http://tormentedartifacts.com but I'll be clear. Anything big ordered right now is likely not happening until after I move, if not after my surgery recovery, since I won't be able to sit fully upright or work for a big chunk of that. Which means you may not see it until next year.

But anything helps. Please. Even just five bucks. And so does reblogging and sharing this wherever you can. So, if you do, thanks.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Wicked Games 1

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: non/dubcon, cheating, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Character: Steve Rogers

Summary: you had a one night stand. Or did you?

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging ❤️

Your phone wakes you. The room tilts as you open your eyes. A dull hammering thrums in your temples. The morning light makes your brain rough as sand paper. 

Dregs of vodka stick to your dry tongue. The hangover weighs you down like an anchor. Just the thought of moving hurts. 

You reach blindly for your jittering phone. Bubbly music tinkles from the speaker. Shit. It's Barrett. What did he forget this time? 

You answer and put your clammy palm to your forehead. You squint at the ceiling then your eyes slowly round. Where the fuck are you?  

"Hey, babe. You at Wendy's?" Your husband asks. 

You gulp and peel your tongue off the roof of your mouth. This isn't Wendy's house. 

"Yep," you croak. Your eyes ping side to side. 

"Look, I'm sorry about last night. Things got heated and I know I was an ass--" 

You cough as you sit up in the strange bed. "Yeah, you were." 

"So why don't you come home and we can talk it out." 

You peer around the room and your lips curve in a frown. Where the hell would you go besides home your loyal best friend's? You scratch you scalp and turn your legs over the edge of the bed, "let me get myself together." 

"Babe. Please. I'm sorry." 

"When I get home." You hang up.  

It was a hell of fight. The minute he started yelling, you bailed. He knows better. You're not doing a ten hour day and coming home his nagging. So you left out your coffee mug. Big deal. You didn't say anything about the garbage bag he left out to be torn apart by raccoons. 

Whatever. Fighting over dishes. Not of it matters right now. 

Your clothes are on the floor. Someone's floor. Who it is is far from the point. You stand and stagger. You catch yourself on the nightstand. Your hand moves instinctively between your legs. 

You're naked and tender. Did you have sex? 

Think! You ran out with your purse. You went to Wendy's. She was up for a night out. A night to forget and body did you. First drink, second, third, then it gets blurry.  

Fuck! You didn't. You wouldn't. You're pissed at your husband but you wouldn't cheat on him. You're not that type of person. Right? 

You don't have time for that. You have to get out of here.  

You dress as you search the room. It's tidy. Half the bed is mad and the other half messed from your drunken slumber. 

You shake out your hands trying to shoo away the flurry of guilt and denial. Just get out. You'll think better with some coffee in your system.  

You push down the door handle slowly. You listen to the silence of the hall. You tiptoe out warily, checking left and right as you advance. It's a nice place. A condo. Much nicer than your cramped one bedroom. 

Not important! 

You come out into the spacious front room. It's as empry as the rest of the place. The kitchen too. The bathroom. No one. 

Your purse is by the door. Your shoes too. You grab both and let yourself out. You'd rather not face your mistake. 

No, you didn't do anything. You wouldn't. 

You hurry down the hallway to the elevators. You don't look back, just keep going. You don't think, just go. 

It isn't until you're outside the familiar cafe marquee that your let your mind settle. You enter and join the queue. Your order a black coffee and drink it at a stool by the window.  

You lean your elbows on the high table that stands inside the pane. You take a slow, savouring swig of coffee and let it trickle down your throat. You shield your face from the New York morning and put your hands over your ears. 

You can't remember anything but Wendy. Your anger had you ordering round after round, trying to drown out the bile. The thought makes your stomach lurch and you gulp thickly. 

You shake your head and groan. Your phone chirps. It's probably Barrett. Several messages from him and missed calls. All through the night. It's bad enough you betrayed him, you had him up worrying. 

No, you didn't! 

It can't have happened if you don't remember it. A generous stranger took you home so you didn't wake up on the curb. That's it. 

That's the story. Nothing happened. And you'll let Barret believe you were with Wendy. It won't make a difference. 

Your mind is set. Nothing happened. 

Nothing. Happened. 

Because you don't remember. Because you were too drunk to do that. Because you're married and it can't happen. 

You're going to finish your coffee and go home. Everything will be just like it was before... after you tell Barrett where to put that coffee mug if it's such a big deal. 

[beardedjoel]

pretty little wife | better now

joel miller x f!reader one shot collection

series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3 summary: 3.9k words, a snippet of a day in the life of husband! joel and his lovely housewife | no apocalypse au, no use of y/n warnings: 18+ MDNI! pre-established relationship/dynamic, unprotected piv, rough sex, free use kink, sub/dom relationship, cum play, spit kink, exhibition kink, dirty talk, pet names for reader, brief mention of alcohol, generally extremely submissive reader so if you're into that this is for you! a/n: not pretending this is anything other than some little fantasy i had that i needed to write out. i'm really excited about this one shot series for husband!joel though, i have some really fun (and depraved) ideas planned for these two for future blurbs so stayed tuned if you like this one! reblogs + comments are always loved and appreciated! ♡

i've decided to start a kofi in case anyone wants to consider a small donation to support my work! ♡

How’s my pretty little wife today?

The words you look forward to each day, falling from your husbands lips in some form or another, whether it’s rasped tenderly in your ear, from between your legs as he smirks up at you, or from over your shoulder as he slams his cock into you, sending you to heaven and back down as soon as he can after walking in the door after work.  

Joel asks the question today after walking up behind you in the backyard, his mouth already next to your ear, warm breath tickling along your skin there as he brushes your hair over your shoulder. The wiry texture of his beard nuzzles right into your neck, sending a thrill down your spine as his arms slide around your waist and hold you tightly to him, swaying you back and forth. The motion is soothing, reminding you that you’re right where you’re meant to be.  

You can smell the workday on him - sweat and dirt and the outdoors, and the lingering scent of the cologne you’d given him this past Christmas. He’d sprayed it on this morning, as he does every morning since you bought it for him. Makes me think of you all day, he’d remind you while you’d watched from your bed with a teasing smile, sheet disheveled and draped over your naked body.

You breathe all of it in, savoring this scent unique to your husband, before touching your hand to where his rests around your belly and stroking it gently.

“Better now,” you answer. More times than not, that’s your response to his routine question, knowing it drives him wild, makes a long day of work ache a little less when he hears you say it.

“S’what I like to hear,” he says, a kiss on your neck leading up to your lips - a long, deep, ravenous kiss that already leaves you breathless. He pulls away so suddenly you nearly have whiplash, your head falling slightly into nothing, missing his lips.

“Smells good out here,” Joel comments, turning his nose up in the air slightly. “Usin’ the new pizza oven already?” 

When you’d made a passing comment about wishing you could make wood fired pizzas at home, just like the ones a restaurant in town serves, Joel seemed to take it seriously, as he did with most things involving your wishes and desires. The next weekend, he’d hauled in bricks and began his work. You’d stepped out into the yard when you heard all the commotion, giving him a quizzical stare, and he’d simply grinned and shrugged, like it was the most obvious thing in the world that he should be building his wife a pizza oven. You’d nearly teared up, feeling grateful and giddy with excitement at your new toy to experiment with. 

Within a few weekends, Joel had finished his new project, always seeming to need one to have around the house, wiping the sweat off his forehead and gleaming with pride at it as he showed you the final product. You’d practically jumped for joy but settled on flinging yourself into his arms to show your appreciation. When that had turned into him fucking you on top of the kitchen counter moments later after he went inside to fetch a cold drink, you hadn’t minded one bit.

“I couldn’t wait,” you say with a grin. When Joel nuzzles your neck again you start to lose your train of thought. His lips press a gentle kiss right on your pulse point, and you sigh into it. “T-trying out margherita today,” you manage to squeak out.

“Hmm,” Joel says, seemingly contemplating the flavor choice in between latching his lips on your neck and sucking, marking you over and over. You’re sure the ones from mere days ago haven’t faded all the way, a smattering of them going right down to your tits, but Joel always needs a fresh mark on you as soon as they start to fade, a way for you to always remember you’re his. He grinds his hard length into your back on the next touch of his lips, and you arch into it a little, your cunt starting to ache more needily for him. 

“F-fresh basil… from the… gar-” you gasp as he pulls you completely flush against his cock, letting out a little, devious laugh.

“Sounds fuckin’ delicious, baby,” he replies. His fingers reach down and toy with the front hem of your dress, delicately sliding his calloused fingers up your thighs, bunching the fabric as he goes. The warmth of his hands on your bare skin blazes a trail up to the apex of your thighs, finally cupping a hand around your warm heat. You instinctively grind into the heel of his hand, and can practically feel Joel smirking behind you. His fingers brush the outside of your panties, starting to rub circles on the wet fabric. He lets out a low growl, deep and needy in the back of his throat feeling the evidence of how much you’d anticipated him coming home. 

“So wet for me already, huh, doll? Couldn’t wait f’me to get home ‘n take care of ya, I bet,” Joel taunts in your ear before sucking on the lobe, and you’ve gone breathless now, nodding your head. His fingers tease the edge of your panties again, finally slipping one underneath the fabric, feeling the obscenity of your wetness directly, and he lets out an impressed tut, sucking in air between his teeth. You nearly moan out at the smallest touch he’s giving you, the way his rough, worn fingers gently brush over your clit for just a split second. 

“She’s so needy, ain’t she?” Joel coos in your ear, swiping a finger to your entrance and back to your clit. You can feel how slickness quickly gathers on Joel’s digits as he teases you. You squeeze your eyes shut and lean back into him, letting your head drop to his shoulder as pleasure wracks your body already.

“Mhm… needs you,” you murmur, turning your head towards his where he meets your lips, continuing steady strokes on your aching bundle of nerves. His lips are softer than you’d think, looking at the hardened grump behind them, but like so many parts of Joel, they are only soft for you.

“Needy, needy girl… good thing I’ve been thinkin’ about gettin’ my cock in that little cunt of yours all day.”

“A-all day?” you say with a little smirk, rutting your ass back into his throbbing length, and Joel groans with the friction.

“Second I pulled out of it this mornin’,” he replies, low voice drumming against your skin, and you shudder, desperate for what you know he’s about to do.

Another routine of yours - Joel comes home from work, and more days than not, he fucks you. And you enjoy every second of it, basking in the attention and his cock filling you up in the way nobody and nothing else can. You crave him night and day, never having gotten your fill, wondering if you ever could. His hunger for you in return only fuels the fire, a vicious circle the two of you seem to have no intention of breaking.

Your weakness lies completely in the man standing behind you, burying his fingers in between your legs and making you moan out wildly before he’s even had his way with you.

“Fuck, gotta get this cock in you, baby, split you open f’me so good, fuck you stupid,” Joel grunts suddenly, interrupting your swirling thoughts, withdrawing his fingers in a flash and leaving you whimpering. It’s not fair, the way he affects you. 

Nobody should have this power over you, but the minute you’d met Joel, you couldn’t deny the way he’d made you feel. Masculine and warm, rough hands and broad shoulders that you’d clung to that same night you’d met him in a bar, fucking mere hours later in the bathroom. Even in your drunken haze you’d submitted to him fully, Joel having no problem ordering and throwing you around the bathroom like you were just a toy to play with, his little doll. You’d found that you could never look back after that night, the safety he represented to you, the adoration he showered you with, the way he fucked you like it was his last time every time. When Joel saw how willing you were to be his in the way he craved from a woman, there was no stopping the insatiable beast he became, hellbent on never letting another man feel your touch again. Joel promised you a good life, an amazing life, even, and in the last few years, he had more than delivered for you. 

“Hush now, you’ll have what you want in a second,” he says, running a quick stroke of his fingers through your hair, giving it a tug. On principle, you let out a little mewl at the sensation, too many instances of your hair being tugged and pulled with Joel involved to not recall those memories with the pain of it. You hear the jangle of his belt as he frees himself from his jeans, the familiar sound of Joel’s thick, heavy cock slapping against his hand as he fists it. You’re already cock drunk without having seen the damn thing yet, and it’s nearly laughable how pliable you are when Joel’s involved. It’s always been that way - you’ve been happy to oblige his every desire, no matter when, where, how he wanted it, or the frequency. You were his to use, to pleasure, to fuck senseless, and you got off on the way all of it steadily built his need for you just as much as it did with your need for him.

“Please…” you whine, trying to slip out of his grasp and start for the sliding glass door to the house, making the assumption that he’d be taking you inside at any moment to take what he needed from you. 

Joel immediately tightens his hold on you, a dark tut in your ear that goes straight to your clit.

“Not so fast, little doll,” he croons, hand grabbing your cunt through your dress again to hold you to him. “Right here,” he adds on, turning your body towards the outdoor dining table in the backyard. 

“J-Joel… right here?” you question, knowing you shouldn’t. It won’t matter anyways. “The… t-the neighbors…” you whimper quietly as Joel crowds you against the table, tearing your dress up over your ass, revealing your lacy little thong to him. He groans at the sight of your bare ass ready for him to claim before roughly shimmying your underwear halfway down your thighs. He places a rough hand on your back, pressing you down into the table so that you’re completely bent over, your hands splaying out into the wood to support yourself. 

“Let them see…” Joel says quietly, a heady murmur as he slips his cock between your thighs and notches himself at your weeping entrance. “Let them see how much I love fuckin’ my wife.” He pushes in on the last sentence, and you gasp at the stretch and burn of his girth. Your vision goes white for a moment with the mix of pure pain and pleasure, and your mouth hangs open, panting in delight as he fills you inch by inch. 

“Mmm… such a sweet little pussy, honey…” Joel says quietly once he’s seated fully inside of you. He’s just as lost in the bliss of it as you are. “Know I’d fuckin’ live right here if I could.”

You give him a little moan of satisfaction, wiggling your hips to give yourself any sensation of movement from his cock. He places his hands on either side of your hips, squeezing his grip tightly enough to bruise before starting to thrust himself into you. You cry out in a yelp, the noise passing though your lips before you can even control it. 

“Yeah…” you whimper, face pressed against the table, trying to peek up as Joel looms above you, like some higher being that has the power to decide your fate, to decide the pleasure or pain you’ll have to endure in this moment. And truthfully, you do worship him. The way he moves inside of you, makes you crumble underneath even the lightest of his touches. The way he spoils you in every regard - you’ve never wanted for a single thing for as long as you’ve been Joel’s, him vowing to take care of everything you ever need, and in return, you take care of everything he needs. 

To some, it might seem like there’s a lack of balance in the way you do things, but fuck do you love it, you think as you desperately cling onto the table, manicured nails digging into the wood as Joel’s cock rams back into you, pressing so deep inside of you that you see stars.

You let out a low, strangled sound, whining as Joel begins to press against your cervix, the front of your thighs bumping into the table with every new thrust from him. He grunts with the exertion, fucking into you hard, taking what he wants, leaving you both breathless with the need for more of each other. You let Joel take and take and take because of how much he gives in return - while he loves to use you, he always makes sure you get every bit of pleasure you deserve for being so good to him.

When you continuously moan louder as Joel fucks you towards your high, you glance around, the small sliver of your brain that’s still rational worried about you two getting caught by your neighbors. The thought is equally mortifying as it is thrilling, but you decide you’d rather not deal with the embarrassment today if you can help it.

“Still worried about the neighbors, hm, pretty girl? I’ve got an idea,” Joel says, responding to your sudden nervousness. Before you can even answer, his hands are wrapping around your shoulders, urging you up from the table. You follow along, breathless and dazed, letting him move you as he wishes, too deliriously starry eyed for him to care about anything else other than what Joel is gearing up to do to you next.

He accidentally slides out with the movement of your body, and immediately he’s grasping at your hips, practically clawing his way back to you as he pulls you tight to his body again. His throbbing, dripping cock slaps periodically against your ass as he shoves you forward, pushing your body towards the house. 

“Here,” he grits out, suddenly crowding your body from behind to press you against the sliding glass door. “That better?”

“I- yes,” you say, eyes wide from the way you’d been roughly handled by him the last few moments. Your cunt aches almost painfully, having been getting so close to your climax only to have it ripped away suddenly when Joel decided to move you.

“Good,” he snips quietly. “Couldn’t stand to keep this cock out of you much longer’n this.”

With his words he brings his lips to the back of your neck again, just his heavy breathing fanning across the skin there, making you wild as he repositions himself and nudges your legs apart with his knee. You feel the length of him tease between your legs, sliding up to your entrance again. He groans loudly, letting you know how badly he wants you, so you try to pop your hips up at just the right angle you know he’s looking for. 

He slides in effortlessly and with a renewed vigor, hips snapping into you, pressing you further into the sliding glass door with neither of you seeming to be worried about the way it’s suddenly shaking on the frame. It’s completely lewd, the way you imagine the two of you - your entire body against glass, tits being pressed out the top of your dress and bouncing, palms spread against the smooth surface, nails clawing and unable to grasp at anything.

Your body is shaking in his hold now, Joel’s cock hitting inside of you in all the right places. You can feel yourself tensing, almost like every cell is going taut, your core pooling heat deep inside of you with molten pleasure from Joel hitting the spongy bit inside of you. 

“Fuck, love it when you sound like that f’me, doll,” Joel punches out as he hears your moans becoming louder and more desperate the longer he continues to thrust against your g-spot. You can’t respond, only continue your lustful noises with a renewed vigor as you try to bounce your hips back into his thrusts, getting him deeper than what’s even possible, the length of him already burying up to the hilt each time he drives himself into you.

“Know you wanna come for me, baby,” he says right in your ear, voice hoarse with need, and you whimper in response as his hand snakes around your hips and in between your legs, circling a gentle pressure on your clit. 

You feel your hold on reality completely break, your eyes squeezing shut as you melt into the way your entire body is tingling with pleasure now, waves of it turning into spasms as you go practically limp with shaky knees. Joel’s hands hold you in place, his warm strength keeping you upright as you push down onto his cock, riding out your climax and screaming for him. 

When your movements start to slow and your body relaxes, Joel thrusts into you even harder, loving the way you’re so compliant and soft after climaxing, letting him move in you however he needs as you ride out the sensitive aftershocks with a few quiet yelps.

“This little pussy is all mine, y’know that, right?” Joel reminds you through clenched teeth, giving your ass a firm slap. You nod vigorously, eyes still half lidded and mind scrambled from the way he’d shattered you mere moments ago.

“Y-yes, Joel,” you say when he slaps your ass again, demanding an answer. Your breathy answer is enough to get him to his own climax, and he surprises you by pulling out suddenly, leaving your body lurching back into nothing, missing the fullness of him already. Before you can protest, say anything, Joel’s hands grip your shoulders and spin you around and push down, forcing you onto your knees in one fluid, swift motion. You watch, wide eyed, as he fists his throbbing cock, shiny and coated in your own slick arousal as he spreads it along his shaft in jerking motions.

“Be a good girl and open up,” he commands, and you submit to the words immediately, mouth hanging open, even sticking your tongue out for good measure. Joel smirks at that before giving himself another swift tug, and you watch in renewed wonder as he begins to spill himself all over your face, ropes of cum hitting your skin. You taste him on your tongue immediately, savoring it. Your eyes are glued up on Joel’s face, watching his glazed gaze taking in the scene below him as he groans in pleasure, trying not to tilt his head back and get lost in the moment so he doesn’t miss a beat of your beautiful surrender to him.

“Fuck,” he mutters as he watches the last bits of his release hit your tongue. “Don’t you dare swallow that, yet, doll,” he adds on quickly, eyes fluttering for a moment before he tucks himself back into his slacks. He continues to tower over you for a prolonged few seconds, looking down in satisfaction at the image of your glowing, angelic face coated in something so sinful, the milky substance starting to drip down your face, your tongue trembling slightly with the need to swallow.

“Hold still,” he says needlessly since as the words come out of his mouth he grabs your chin, tilting your head upwards and gathering spit, letting a long, tortuously slow drip of it fall into your open mouth. It lands on your tongue, combining with his cum and Joel smirks again, releasing your chin.

“Swallow, my little doll,” he says, voice starting to go soft, an indication that he’s feeling satisfied and finished with his enjoyment of you. You close your mouth, smile, and swallow obviously for him, licking your lips for good measure. 

Joel holds out a hand, helping you stand, your legs buckling slightly as you try to get your bearings. He carefully smooths your disheveled dress, flattening the bottom half and tugging the neckline back into place before fixing the straps to sit perfectly square on your shoulders, eyes roaming over quickly to examine his work with pride. His hands then move to your hair, brushing his fingers gently to put it back in its place, leaving every part of you like none of this had just happened besides your face, still dripping with his spill. Your smile widens, seeing him watch a particularly large spot of it sliding down your cheek. You see his composure fail for a moment before he strokes your cheek gently, avoiding any of the mess there, giving you soft, affectionate eyes.

“Good girl,” he says quietly, leaning forward to kiss your forehead. “Pizza’s probably ready,” he adds on, the casual tone taking you aback for only a moment before you blink yourself back to reality and nod dutifully.

“Of course,” you say, a genuine smile plastered on your face as you look at your handsome husband, admiring the way he’s looking at you with stars dancing across his eyes, the deepest love for you tucked away in his deep brown irises.

“After you get that, go clean yourself up, doll,” he says, and you nod again, the smile not leaving your face. You see out of the corner of your eye Joel settle onto one of the chairs at your outdoor table, leaning back casually as if he hadn’t just had you bent over that exact table, fucking you for the entire neighborhood to possibly see and hear.

You gather everything you need, serving utensils, plates, and two cold beers before bringing it to the table along with the pizza and a freshly tossed salad you’d made to accompany it. Each time you drop something off, the smirk on Joel’s face grows, watching the way you work with the evidence of his obsession with you still lingering on your flushed cheeks.

Once the table is set and your face cleaned off, you join Joel outside to enjoy the beautiful spring evening, and see he’s already served you two generous slices of the margherita pizza. 

He reaches a hand onto the table, taking yours delicately into his palm, dwarfing it with the size of his thick fingers as he absentmindedly runs his thumb along your knuckles, stopping to play with the large, gorgeous diamond on your ring finger. Another reminder to him that he has you all to himself, his pretty little wife.

“Thanks for dinner, baby” he says, eyes locked on yours as he uses a free hand to pick up the pizza and take a large bite, letting out a little noise in satisfaction at the flavor.

“Anytime.” You smile, genuine and tranquil, a fresh appreciation and love for the life you’ve found yourself so grateful to be living.

tysm to @jupiter-soups @huffle-punk @rensraptor for so much help with ideas and writing this fic! love u guys x

[soaps-mohawk]

I'm going to be honest

I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.

I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.

It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.

I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.

It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.

Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.

Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.

First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.

I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.

So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.

I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.

I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.

So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.

I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.

I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.

I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.

There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.

I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.

Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.

I'm forcing it and I'm tired.

It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.

I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.

It's not you, it's me.

So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.

Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.

I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.

Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.

I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.

It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.

I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.

This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.

Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.

Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.

[homestylehughes]

18.

pairing(s): jack hughes x fem!reader

summary: jack proposing to his girlfriend, the girl he knew he would marry since he was 18.

warning(s): absolutely none. pure fluff, and cuteness :)

word count: 1.4k

authors note: hi loves!! my inner directioner came out when writing this fic! this fic is loosely based off of 18 by one direction (I listened to FOUR, the album, the whole time while writing this. 11/10 would recommend). this was so much fun to write, it kinda gives me romcom, or romantic movies vibes? I love writing jack all soft and cute. I hope you guys enjoy, like and reblog if you do! I hope you are all happy and healthy. much love as always <3

“I have loved you since we were 18, long before we thought the same things.”

Ever since Jack laid eyes on yn at 18 he knew she'd be the person he'd spend the rest of his life with. Jack can remember the day he met her, like it was yesterday. He had just got drafted by the New Jersey Devils as the number one pick, which threw him into a new life of superstardom. 

In the midst of being the 1st overall draft pick, the Yankees invited him to a game, having one of the best seats in the stadium, he couldn't help but smile over the fact that this was now his life. As the fifth inning came to an end, Jack decided to make his way to the bathroom. As he walks through the busy crowd, weaving in and out of groups of people. Finally making it to the bathroom, doing his business before quickly heading out. 

As he walks out of the bathroom, his phone dings from a text, pulling his phone out of his pocket to see that it's from his mom. Just as he begins to type out a response, he feels himself bump into someone. bringing his head up to see the prettiest girl he's ever seen in all 18 years of his existence, with a hot dog smashed into her chest. He's so close to her that he can see the red and yellow stains from the ketchup and mustard littered across her white as snow Yankees jersey. 

“Oh my gosh” the girl says, her head hanging low as she looks at the hot dog stained jersey.

“Shit. I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.” jack embarrassingly  rambles out 

“It's..okay. It's nothing, it's just a jersey and hot dog. No biggie” she says, now looking at jack. 

“No it's a big deal, it's my fault. Here let me help you clean up.” Jack offers, as waves of guilt run through his veins.

“Are you sure? You don't have to, don't want to waste any more of your time.” the girl says

“If anyones wasting your time it's me, come over here” Jack says, taking the hot dog from her, throwing it in the trash, before turning around to look at her jersey. 

“It's pretty bad isn't it?” she asks him

“It is.. How about this, how about I buy you a new one?” 

“I can't accept that, it was an accident. Plus i dont your name.” the girl says, holding her ground as she looks directly in his eyes. 

Jack can't help but get lost in her eyes as they look at each other. 

“Yes you will, and my names jack.” flashing her smile before grabbing her hand

“Now come with me, we're going to go get you a new jersey and a hot dog, and anything else your heart desires, got it?” Jack says, briefly looking at the girl, who sends him a nod in approval. Turning back around, as he continues walking them through the crowd.

“Yn!” she says loudly behind him 

“What?” Jack asks, turning back around, confused by what she said to him.

“Yn, my name is Yn. Only fair if you know mine now” yn says with a small smile

“Well yn, what size jersey are you?” Jack asks, looking at yn, who has a slight smile on her face as she looks over all of the different jerseys.

“Umm..medium? Can I get the white one?” she asks 

“Of course” Jack sends her a smile as he talks to the worker, quickly getting the jersey for the girl. 

Sending the guy behind the counter a thank you, picking up the bad before handing it to yn.

“Jack..thank you so much” 

“You're very welcome, now on to a hotdog” he says with a smile

“Okat only on one condition.” she says

“And that is?”

“You let me buy them. I can't let you buy me anything else today.” yn says, looking at him sternly.

“Yes ma’am” 

“And so help me god if you get mayo on your hot dog, i will break down in tears.” 

“Mayo? On a hot dog?” he questions 

“Yes. it's sick and people actually do it.” she laughs 

“ well no, mayo on my hotdog for me” he smiles to her

“Good. That's what I like to hear,” she says, lifting her head up, sending him a smile before getting in line. 

Jack looks at her for a second, and in that moment he knew, hed just found the person he'd spend the rest of his life with. 

– 

“Quinn. I'm freaking out." Jack says as he paces on the dock.

“Jack calm down, she's going to say yes. Take a deep breath "Quinn says as soothing as he can, in an attempt to calm his brother's nerves.

“You don't know that” jack snaps at him 

“Yes I do, you guys have been inseparable for the last 5 years. You two are the same person, and can share the same brain cell. She will say yes.'' Quinn says. walking over to Jack, bringing him into a hug, hoping to help calm down.

Jack pulls back after a few moments, murmuring a soft thank you, before taking a deep breath, straightening his back before turning around to look out at the lake. The calm water seems to calm his nerves for a few moments. 

“She's on her way” quinn says, laying a hand on jacks shoulder giving it a squeeze before turning around heading off the dock, leaving jack alone with his thoughts. 

A few moments later he can hear the sound of the footsteps on the dock behind him, turning slightly to see her walking towards him in the prettiest white dress, the bottom of it flowing in the wind as she walks. 

“Hi, pretty girl” jack says while grabbing her hand pulling her to stand in front of him

“Hi” she says breathlessly like she'd been holding her breath the whole way here.

“I don't really know where to start but I'll start by doing this,” Jack says before slowly dropping down to one knee. Yns hands quickly move to cover her mouth, as she looks down at Jack with tears welling her eyes.

“Yn. you've been my rock, my best friend, my biggest supporter, and most importantly the love of my life for the last 5 years.” 

Yn lets out a choked sob that causes Jack to pause for a moment, to regain his breaths he can feel his eyes beginning to water, as he continues.

“I knew you would be the person I'd spend the rest of my life with the moment I crashed into you, spreading mustard and ketchup all over you. Even at that moment I thought you were the prettiest girl I'd ever seen. Thank you for always making me feel seen and loved, I wouldn't have been able to do any of this without you. I love you, and I promise I'll love you forever, until my heart gives out. So would you do the greatest honor of being my wife?” 

“Yes. yes. A million times yes, jack.” she says as she struggles to hold back her tears as she launches herself onto jack. The both of them wrapped in each other's embrace, tears of joy falling from both of their eyes. 

Jack pulls back enough to slide the perfectly cut, sized ring onto her hand. the ring going on perfectly, as if it was the last piece of the puzzle, laying perfectly on her hand. 

“Jack it's beautiful” yn beams at him, tears still falling, hitting her cheeks like raindrops on a window. 

“Not as beautiful as you” Jack says, bringing his fingers under her cheeks wiping them away. 

“I love you” she says 

“I've loved you since we were 18, '' Jack says softly before pulling her into a kiss. 

“I wanna love like you made me feel, When we were eighteen”