#this is gonna be canon unless i think of something better/say otherwise btw. heart <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[phosphorus-noodles]

probably not gonna write a full sequel for it so here's some assorted thoughts/events for what i'm thinking (spoilers for the fic + it's pretty long oops):

so the fic ends with our two lovely boys sleeping together right. in the very literal sense (and tbf in a pretty platonic way) but if anyone saw them it would be Bad for them anyway. unfortunately after having a rough night to put it lightly they probably both slept through joel's alarm (if he even had one set) and joel is late to breakfast that next morning so his parents send a servant to go fetch him

they're both startled awake by someone knocking on the door and have like 5 seconds before the door is opened so joel shoves a very confused and disoriented oli under the blankets and covers that side of the bed with as many pillows as he can throw there before someone comes in bc he is a world champ at hiding whatever he was doing right before someone walks in (<- paints pictures of his parents' sworn enemy (his soulmate) a lot and never gets caught once). and his pillow pile is literally the most suspicious thing ever and not his best work but everyone thinks joel is a complete weirdo already so the servant politely doesn't comment on his wacky bed arrangement and tells him he should get downstairs for breakfast soon before leaving

as soon as the servant is gone joel quickly unburies oli and apologizes a bunch and oli's like nah man i get it but gets interrupted by his stomach growling. like a lot. and joel is like "?! when did you last EAT" which oli does not answer (it has been a While since he's taken care of himself in Any sort of way)

so joel is like "well... i gotta get downstairs soon or Else, but i'll grab you some toast or something while i'm down there :(" and oli's like "?! wait you're leaving me?? D:" and gets Super clingy like "please please pleeeease take me with you don't leave me here all by myself i don't wanna be without you again :'((" and is the Saddest wet cat you've ever seen in your entire life. which, given the circumstances, is fair enough. and despite joel thinking it's literally the worst idea in the world finally gives in and says he'll sneak a little mouse!oli downstairs with him in his pocket

fast forward a bit and it's very clear that breakfast in the bean household is. a tense time. pretty stiff and not very fun. joel's parents are like "so... why were you late for breakfast this morning 🤨" and he mumbles some excuse about sleeping in on accident and they tell him he better start working on improving that, etc. it's pretty clear this happens a lot. not completely miserable, but oli curled up and hiding in joel's pocket is listening to this and is like "man. i am sooo glad breakfast with my parents is n- ,,, oh ;-;" and then probably starts quietly mouse-weeping in joel's pocket :(

which joel can hear, but just to make sure his parents can't he tries to muffle it with his hand. which isn't very good for oli obviously and he squeaks out so joel will stop suffocating him and joel's parents are like "?! hey what's that sound 🤨"

luckily(?) a servant walks in just then and does the "whisper in the queen's ear and hand her a letter" thing. the letter being the announcement that the emperor and empress of the valley had died yesterday. and they're like "oh. nice haha. good riddance" (gotta keep it vague on whether or not They did it... yk yk)

and joel is just mortified bc this is a TERRIBLE time for this oli is literally RIGHT THERE and here his parents are acting like it's the most normal/mildly positive (??) thing ever. and oli's muffled distress is only getting worse. so joel grits his teeth and excuses himself (which is probably a Bad Move for him but he needs to be outta there Now) and grabs some fruit or something on his way out

he makes it back to his room and gently pulls a very droopy mouse out of his pocket and starts gushing a million apologies for literally everything that happened down there. and oli shifts back and tries to tell him it's fine it's whatever it's chill but it's so, so clearly not. and it's not really joel's fault, but. literally everything went wrong there

joel does his best to comfort him given the circumstances (bc what do you even say after that </3) and gives him the fruit he took bc poor boy has eaten barely anything in who knows how long. and it's pretty awkward and they don't say much but just being physically close to joel is enough to steady oli quite a bit so that's a start :')

eventually though they both realize that they can't stay like this all day. joel's gonna have to go Do Stuff and oli didn't exactly give anyone a heads up before leaving his kingdom. and oli begs joel to let him stay and promises to be good and hide if anyone tried to come in but he caaan't he has to go hooome and it's sad :(

joel doesn't exactly love the idea of oli flying home by himself though, and since he can't leave to take oli home himself he sends martyn a text like "heyy. btw. your son is at my place. could you come pick him up please he's not doing too great" and martyn isn't even mad or surprised he's just like "yeah that's exactly where i thought he was. i'm omw. thank you joel, you're a real one ;)"

so a bit later martyn shows up at joel's balcony as discreetly as he can (still gotta keep it on the down low that oli was ever there yk) to pick his son up and oli's all sniffly and sad and he doesn't want to go home he doesn't want to face reality there he doesn't want to leave without joel he can't do it alone he just can't. but joel gives him a tight hug and tells him he'll call him as soon as he can and probably would've said that he loves him (in the way best friends say it, not really a good time for any confessions) if martyn wasn't right there (bc he wouldn't want him getting the wrong idea. y'know) but martyn is smiling at them and is looking very appreciative of joel taking care of his poor son in a crisis. then martyn scoops up the sopping wet (literal) cat that is oli and waves goodbye and flies back home

later that day joel calls oli to check in on him and he's not doing the best but he's doing the best that he can. the next few weeks/months are really hard for him too. idk how to write grief super well but given that oli is oli and boy has previously never heard of being depressed in his life the whole experience of grieving his parents is awful for him and there's a lot of pressure for him now bc even if martyn and ren are technically in charge now he's still the prince and it's a lot for him to deal with overall. and joel does his best to support where he can but he also makes sure oli gets a good healer/therapist to work through everything. and it all turns out okay in the end <3

thinking about the aftermath of this fic for my au again...

[royal-ruin]

red, white, and royal blue (rwrb) fic recs (part 4)

other rwrb fic recs here other fic recs here personal favorites are starred, by the way. everything is complete unless stated otherwise.

since the first 3 were well-liked, here are a few more of my favs.

*Turning of the Season by indomitablelove (~5k)

‘What’s going on, Philip?’ And then, Philip slumps. His head falls into his hands and his back curls in on itself, his palms cover his face and he pinches at the bridge of his nose. When he looks up at Henry again, he looks like a different man, broken. ‘I have to know,’ he says quietly. Henry's brow furrows. ‘I have to know who it was,’ Philip says. A few weeks after the emails, Henry and Philip talk, and Henry looks forward.

it broke my heart most how philip was henry's enemy in the book, i just wanted some wholesome sibling feels (bea's the absolute best!), so this is a little fix-it, i guess. post-canon btw.

Redemption by MaryaDmitrievnaLikesSundays (~3.5k)

Bea sighed. She looked just like how Philip felt: drained, angry, and exhausted. ”What if you had never been allowed to marry Martha?” She asked. “What if you’d been forced to sneak around, and suddenly, in spite of how hard you worked to keep it quiet, you’re both in a load of trouble for it, and everyone is screaming at you, and she is crying to you and you can’t even comfort her because you’re still not allowed? How do you think you’d feel then?” Philip was silent for a long, long moment. Bea gave him one more glance as she opened the door to the dining room. ”Read the e-mails, Philip. And try to understand.” Or, Philip says some very bad things, does some very bad things, reads the e-mails, and finally, finally, finally understands.

another philip does better fic. warning for homophobia at the beginning, please please please always read the tags.

I can't breathe, if you're not there by softcinnamonroll (~2k)

One moment, Alex was laughing at some joke Henry had made, and then the next there was a loud noise from the TV and the livestream cut out, leaving Alex alone in their dark living room. At first, Alex was sure there had just been a power cut, or some technical difficulties that caused the stream to cut out, but then the messages and BREAKING NEWS notifications started pouring in.  BREAKING NEWS: Explosion at Prince Henry of Wales Charity Event. Casualties Unknown.

read the tags please, it has some things that may be triggering.

Powerless by floatingaway4 (~3k)

“Do you know what I’ve had to put up with in the last twelve hours?”    Henry wants to point out that in that same twelve hours he’s had his body sliced open and an organ removed, but this doesn’t seem to be the time. He also got to sleep through his experience, while Alex was very much awake while dealing with Henry’s family. And Henry got the nice drugs, while Alex looks like he could use a drink.

sex ed in 6 steps by coffeecatsme (~9k)

“Please tell me you used a condom, Fox,” Alex drawls out, leaning against the wall, and Henry chokes on his next breath. “Excuse me?”  “You’re gonna tell me all about this tomorrow, but for the love of God, tell me you used a condom and we won’t have mini Henrys on campus anytime soon.” Or, 5 times Alex thinks Henry's straight and 1 time he finds out the truth.  Or, 5 times Alex jokes about Henry's sex life and 1 time he gets to be a part of it.

college au where they are roommates and alex is oblivious.

Let's Finish What We've Started by andrealyn (~16k)

When Alex fell in love with Henry, his dreams changed into something new -- still bright, still exciting. Eight years on, Alex is running for the Senate and taking those steps to achieve those dreams, but something feels off in his marriage and Alex can't really explain if it's in his head or whether he and Henry actually have a problem. In the midst of a busy campaign, eager to show Texas what he can do, Alex also has to ask himself -- is it all worth it if Henry isn't at his side?

future fic.

If you feel the way I do by everwitch (~2k)

It's apparently true, what they say about soulmates. Once your sixteenth birthday has passed and you find yourself in their presence, close enough for your soulbond to come alive, you'll be able to feel it. You'll simply know. Henry knows, all right. He opens his eyes, his heart beating madly in his chest as he looks across the cafeteria. His gaze is drawn to a presence that he can feel so completely, now, almost like it's become part of himself, like a piece he's been missing. He blinks, slowly, as he meets the wide eyes of another boy. It's Alex Claremont-Diaz. Henry's breath hitches. Fuck. Oh, fuck.

high school soulmate au, it's super cute.

*she's a (rock & roll survivor) by loyaulte_me_lie (~3k)

"Good for you," Stevie Nicks says, "the world needs more rock and roll princesses." // the (un)making of Beatrice Fox Mountchristen Windsor.

BEA NEEDS MORE SCREEN TIME. tell me why this had me sobbing at 1 pm. i adored her before, but this fic made her so heartbreakingly human, i can't help but love her now.

[disarmingly]

fanfic asks i’m going to post answers in numerical order as i got some numbers asked twice which is cool but i definitely am the idiot who will lose track if i don’t do it in number order! also i’ll throw it under a read-more bc i tend to get rambly and so it all gets quite long! like seriously i apologize i wanted to give it my all but like i may have written too much >_<;;;

i'm gonna preface with: i was confused by these first two because i thought is this the same question but then figured maybe 3 was ff and 4 is not ff? T_T;;;;

3 [ name three favorite writers ]

the truth is i admire a lot of people and not all of them actually post their work unfortunately. however, xiajin ( @j-ungah)  is one who does, for which i am very grateful. it's easier though for me to say the THINGS i like best i.e. i really admire people who do humor in…how do i say it? ah well it's best for me when it's fluid within other feelings -- like the lightheartedness makes the punches and ups and downs of other aspects of their stories just shine? i am fairly unskilled with lightness/humor and i am repeatedly and eternally in awe of people who weave that facet of the heart into their narratives so believably. ^^;; i also admire what i think of as a seven-sense experience -- which is to say something about a writer whose descriptions dialogues and everything in-between??? create a thing i feel hear smell taste see, yes, but also a thing i dream, i thing i wake up to or from….that kind of suspension of my reality. ^^;;; which just smacks of escapism i know hahakjsfsdlfds OTL but it is what i like! some other part of why i don't have a lot of names rn is that when i'm focusing on writing i don't read as much fic? and on the flipside when i'm not trying to write then i read like everything under the sun thrice over ^^;;; but i've been in writing/trying to write-mode since i posted This Time Around so…yeah!  

4 [ name three authors that were influential to your work and tell why ]

this is really hard! but i left out one writer on my past book rec list so i'll mention him here. john steinbeck! i know that most people/schools/etc tout him for grapes of wrath T_T;;; but like….i tried really hard to like it for a friend who is basically married to that book and i just…couldn't? i tried with of mice and men too but that book is like being beaten up by the written word and no one to patch you up afterward. but. BUT! let. me. tell. you.

east of eden

this book is falling apart like i've read it until it's shreds and i don't wanna give up the copy i have because like…i have so many notes in it? i have dates written down and things i don't remember ever writing or what they reference but getting a new one would be like…idk i can't do it yet. i'll have to soon just bc i carry it around everywhere and i need it but..this book, warrants steinbeck being mentioned in and of itself. if you haven't read it, i cannot rec it enough. like i am not honestly a huge fan of anything outside of fantasy or science fiction but this is my exception. no amount of applauding is going to do it justice. but suffice to say he's got this wickedly good balance of ideas, execution, emotion, and rationale and i just feel so much it is a book that HURTS and yet i kind of…what's it like? it's like if it took me years and years to climb a tree just to see what i can see from the top, then learning to climb back down. sitting under that tree. feeling…like a conversation happened?

T_T i ramble but yeah. john steinbeck's east of eden.

other than that: diana wynne jones, CLAMP (cries forever), cs lewis  

6 [ how did writing change you? ]

before i wrote i drew and i painted, which i find hilarious now because lolololol what IS visual art, it’s hard work and talent hybridized with quality hearts (me: /stares at all my fave fanartists for real) kdsfdsfdlsfjlds but yeah uh writing happened because i loved reading. i thought: these things make me feel less displaced in the universe, if only a little. ah well, more to the point, writing in and of itself changes me in every day life almost to a fault: i think a LOT about what i say, even when i’m perceivably rambling. i over-think it too. writing in every-day life makes even the most awkward cat potato (me) better able to hold a normal conversation, which come to that isn’t the MOST important thing, but it is a thing that changed because before writing i basically stood still and tried to hide in my own shadow (unsuccessfully btw.) now i stand very still, hope no one talks to me, but am able to at least talk back if they do ^^;; 

if this question means how did ff writing change me otherwise...is it stupid to say on several times, writing ff has saved me? is it melodramatic? probably. i think it does though. i’ve said several times i don’t do wonderfully in-person (ability to converse even so) and it’s painfully true. i don’t know that i believe i ever will. i’m in plainest terms, too afraid. ff writing has given me opportunity to connect with people despite my shortcomings in this way though. sometimes someone says they related to a certain thing or they feel content or a familiar sadness but not in a bad way and that is So Much to me. like can you imagine being in complete darkness and seeing a small light in the sky or the ground or the sea suddenly? that’s what those are.

so writing is helping me change, i hope, from someone who has had the growing fear of being lost forever, to being a little less lost, a little less unworthy. to be fair, writing in and of itself for me is often a lost feeling but those sparks of Found are irreplaceable and whether they happen when i write or when someone responds to the writing, i carry them with me to the best of my ability. because they’re precious. because i need them. and i’m grateful. 

writing separate from ff is something i also hope will change me, but i have yet to figure out a way to share that and for now i have a lot of stories on my Intentions to try to actualize, so my side poetry is a sidecar project and that’s okay.

11 [ do you listen to music when writing? ]

yes! in fact i tend to make playlists for my stories when i’m done usually consisting of what i listened to….even if that's a silly thing to do ^^;; i think about sharing them sometimes haha but it’d be linking a bunch of youtube links so idk if that’s dumb sdlkedfsoijlefdjoslk sometimes it’s bangtan and often it’s movie scores i.e. ghibli stuff ....oh and video game osts too!!! a hodgepodge! 

12 [ favorite place to write ]

home because i need as much control over my environment as possible. i honestly don't understand how people can get any writing done outside in the city because it's like one massive attention-deficit lmfdlsfdsfkdsjl but kudos to the people who can…!

13 [ hardest character to write ]

LMFSLKFUOIJWFLSK gosh um…i think for me the way i would phrase this is that the character i am most nervous writing???  yoongi. he features predominantly in my writing because i find his transparency about his journey(s) relatable and something to always be grateful for. unfortunately being relatable presents the ever present pitfall possibility of projecting onto someone, which i don't want to do. even when writing him as a character, i still want him to resonate true to the real deal in as much as possible in the world created or the canon suggested. i want to do right by him, very badly, and for better or worse that means i can almost never enjoy writing him because i'm so worried the whole time. the moment of peace is when i either post or delete, but both leave an uneasy feeling if i'm honest, and perhaps that's always going to be true -- with my favorite people and my favorite ideas i guess.

14 [ easiest character to write ]

like 13 i'm cheating and changing this to the character i'm least anxious writing and that would be namjoon. i love him a lot but for whatever weird reason i'm not having heart palpitations every time i have to write a line of dialogue for him. is it because i've watched and read everything of him the most? not really. i think i've re-visited more kookie things out of all of the ot7, but namjoon has a vibe i get, a wavelength i'm on almost all the time and i can't quite explain it since it's not like i'm talking about a person i personally Know. but what i mean is, i feel like i do? he makes me feel comfortable with him at the colloquial level both verbally and emotionally so i don't overthink him as much as i do say yoongi, jungkook, and hoseok -- all beloved but also sharp points of vulnerability for me.  

17 [ favorite AU to write ]

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh….well. the way it's phrased it feels like it means ongoing AU??? which would be time and again drabbles supplementary to This Time Around (the initial oneshot).... (even tho from hereon out everything else will transpire BEFORE the current chapter up lololololol way to be confusing right) but if it just means like what universe, period, huh gosh. all your stars are my stars too au probably.

20 [ favorite character to write ]

i CAN'T pick

21 [ least favorite character to write ]

i don't have one unless you count 'difficult' as leas favorite but that's really not true for me s-so...

22 [ favorite story you’ve ever written ]

?_? ahhh the story closest to my heart?    tie between all your stars are my stars too verse, and this time around verse. haha i keep picking those two but honestly despite being two very different worlds the pulse is actually the same.

23 [ least favorite story you’ve ever written ]

so far away

still disappointed in myself because to this day i don't know what i can do to make it better i just know it could be and it's so specific i just don't look at it anymore. it is by far the one i've revised the most and i'm sure that's weird haha...but it means so much to me...if it was a friend in my past, this story would be the friend i should have done more for, didn’t, couldn’t, and will regret until i can either come up with an answer or just have to square with said regret and say we don’t always get it the way we want it. hm. i admit when i posted it i hoped i’d be less disappointed with myself over time, but apparently not so.

24 [ favorite scene you’ve ever written ]

T_T no idea … do you have one, anon? /waves white flag/ i guess i'm just cheating through all these asks OTL forgive me but i guess a favorite would be any scene that a reader feels connected with them/resonated personally or moved their feelings into a place or shape they didn't expect but are okay having? 

25 [ favorite line you’ve ever written ]

sjflkfesdipokleds /covers face/ im really sorry i just don't…have one…ah...i can’t look too closely...but i always appreciate when readers have favorite lines and copy paste them to me any given time like it’s so nice? ;_; it’s so nice ahhh

26 [ story you’re most proud of ]

since i kinda hard passed the last two with this one huh like i guess if i can qualify this as 'story i consider deleting the least often' that would actually probably be my ONE vmin  fic i wrote so far -- sidereal -- lmfdlskfdsfjdsl sidereal -- and it's not that i think it's especially good but more so that i know/ don't question what i'd change about it because it came together start-to-finish very naturally…and that's funny since i had never written them before.

27 [ best review you ever got ]

listen. every review is the best review T_T seriously every review, every bookmark's notes, every ask….(well as long as it's not mean!) ah is a use of someone else's time they did not have to give me but they did and that? that's huge. fanfic is interesting bc it's a thing done for pleasure but unlike say, fanart, there is no readily apparent way to make it marketable? so i think of those words left as review or ask or whatever… as a manner of wealth, if it makes sense, a currency of kindness motivation/encouragement and hope -- that even if i dislike my writing/ find majority fault within it at the end of the day….. there are people out there who don't dislike it too, which is amazing and a relief.

28 [ worst review you ever got ]

hmmm well tech it wasn't a review but like i have gotten a LOT of asks regarding ... .- ...- . -- . + stardrop that range from disappointment that i wrote/published stardrop at all [i knew it would garner some of this but i have haha had more than i thought] to just flat-out regret for having read any of them in the first place. now, as someone who doesn't see any time in the near future where i'll like my own writing, having someone use the words 'regret reading' are….it's upsetting. i feel silly for how much it gets to me but i'm a weak spiral of a person in many ways, so asks like that send me running to hover over the delete button all the time, not just on that story but every story. but i know LOGICALLY it's just an extreme reaction of mine so i don't follow through but yeah my fight or flight response is very much flight lolololol OTL

as for not that uh probably the smattering of asks that came through when i posted 'follow' …one of which asked why i portrayed jungkook so stalkery (as far as i'm concerned, i didn't. he admires namjoon same as some of us admire our own internet idols or whoever)

32 ... .- ...- . -- .   [ alternate title for (insert story title) ]

IN fact i almost called it 'equilibrium' but while relevant that seemed too vague...

33 ... .- ...- . -- .   [ alternate ending for (insert story title) ]

jungkook wakes up. jungkook wakes up and he's raining, brings his hands to his eyes and can't stop, can't speak, can't anything but rain. jungkook wakes up, curls on his side, and cries cries cries until he falls back asleep.

a moment later, the door to his room slides open. two pairs of eyes worry after him into the dark where they recognize three things: 1. jungkook may never forgive himself; 2. there is nothing either of them can do about it; 3. when the captain named namjoon and the mechanic named yoongi forced jungkook into an escape pod at just the last second, their intention was to save him but the result is not so simple.

with unpredictable caution, taehyung enters the room, jimin's hand at his back, doesn't bother to speak quietly, well-acquainted at this point with how deeply jungkook dreams, how desperately. biting the inside of his cheek, taehyung shakes his head. "what are we gonna do?" after a moment, he glances to his right as jimin brushes past him to draw jungkook's blankets up more securely around him, combs soft fingers through his sweat matted hair and says,

"the best we can."

38 [ do you reread your own stories? ]

other than to proofread? no! i'm still very immature as a writer so the reality is if i go back to read something i have a 99% likely will delete because i see all the flaws and things i want to do better but don't yet have the skill to achieve??? but i know i can't or shouldn't literally wipe everything away Just Because, so…@_@;;;

40 [ which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series ]

time and again drabbles or this time around

46 [ share a scene of a story that you haven’t published yet ]

*

the night of taehyung's sorting, jimin jumps out of his place at the table to go meet him but a hand circles around his wrist, holds him there. when he looks down, he finds taemin, all calculated cat expressiveness that reminds jimin of yoongi except taemin has a contradictory warmth about him. yoongi is cool to the look the touch and everything until you get inside him; then he's warmer, jimin would dare say, than he himself is, but so few people know it it's hardly worth mentioning. he blinks. frowns.

"i'm going to say hi."

"no."

jimin pulls. taemin sighs.

"do you think for a second they won't use him against you."

it's not a question and for good reason. jimin sits down again, quiet. hollow, learns at age twelve about thinking ahead and expecting the worst.

if only to protect the very best.

truth be known, he doesn't mind being a slytherin. it's easy to just say no one is trustworthy than to say everyone is. but the history of his family creates a whole additional spectrum of uncertainty. 'park' is so common a name one would think it wouldn't be so obvious except jimin's family has been in and out of the wizarding world papers for quite some time. try as they might to undo a history that predates them by decades, it's hard -- no, impossible. slytherin is one thing. heir is another. wealth. jimin is twelve but the world is much older and his so-called peers fall somewhere in-between.

anyway.

what he wants: to say hello to his dearest friend.

what he doesn't want: to bring said friend trouble, no more than he already has.

jimin looks over at taehyung, watches as hoseok helps him with his baskets and...swallows.

it hurts.

*

around the middle of the second month taehyung goes missing.

it's yoongi that lets jimin know, which makes jimin feel guilty all over: i should have already known.

"did they say when they last saw him?" he asks, rushing around more than he knows yoongi prefers but yoongi is loyal and yoongi is yoongi; he rushes with him, this way and that.

"hobi says yesterday, supper."

biting his lip until it bleeds, jimin experiences what a person always experiences when he knows this might be all his fault: wrenching self disgust, fear, anxiety that crawls around in the chest and twists around the heart like a curse. but feeling bad won't do anything; feeling bad won't find his best friend (who might not want to be your best friend anymore, his heart whispers and it's cold, it's distant, it's terrifying.) yoongi's hand in the sleeve of his robe jerks jimin to a stop so fast he almost trips, except yoongi holds him up while muttering a spell under his breath, the tip of his wand a sharp tap against jimin's strawberry pin (a thing he wears every day in the knot of his tie.) it lights up briefly, blue.

"if i find him before you, that'll happen."

then yoongi is gone in another direction. it makes sense. the school is offensively massive and jimin has never detested it more in his life.

*

growing up, jimin lived by the sea and taehyung came to visit him every other summer. they collected seashells and named all the fish they happened to find and made castles they planned to live in one day when they were older.

"this one's your room."

holding up a piece of sea glass shining aquamarine, jimin held it over the sun, turned back to face him and said, "then it's yours too."

*

the room of requirement is for any given thing. for taehyung he needs a place to be found and for jimin, he needs to stop losing.

it takes him two days to find the boy whose sleeping patterns he knows by heart, the boy whose dreams felt often like his own dreams when they were much smaller; it takes him two days and seven hours and forty-one minutes. but he finds him.

when he opens the door, it's some god sized gift to have taehyung meet his eyes.

it's a human sized gift to receive a careful smile.

and it's everything else to crush him in his arms and breathe him in and keep him there, everything to say,

"i'm sorry."

"me too." a pause. "those strawberries were for you," and the way taehyung says it isn't a guilt-trip. it's just him being genuinely regretful he couldn't give them to jimin the way he wanted to but this makes it that much sharper.

jimin bursts into tears.

*

that summer they go to taehyung's home and jimin eats every strawberry taehyung offers him, which means he gets fairly sick, but he disguises it as something else as best he can and almost doesn't feel so sick at all anyway when taehyung, wide-brimmed straw hat a halo on his head, laughs a sunrise sound and sings a sunset song. it's very windy during their visit, so jimin lays a charm on taehyung's hat to keep it from flying away.

*

49 [ writing advice ]

1. don’t give up. -- which for me and i guess a lot of people whether it’s art or just life, is truly the hardest. but i am constantly attempting to apply to writing what i try to apply to my livelihood: this idea that the most contemptible thing to do is to surrender. i was thinking about lord of the rings the other day and trying to figure out who i hated the most 8D;;; because my train was stuck and i was viciously trying to not freak out....anyway i kept thinking of denethor...and he’s not you know out and out a villain but he’s just so vile to faramir and on top of that he has clearly given up. he’s got this twisted saccharine doom about him that is somewhat because he’s lost his mind but he lost himself first. 

i know this is a really dramatic mental deviation but it’s what i think about ^^;;; the temptation to give up is constant, it’s not a thing that goes away -- which is why i wrote ‘begin’ to address this idea that sometimes the hardest thing is to start, and then to continue in the face of a trouble that has no permanent cure. the moment you give up you lose you, and of course you lose your art. what’s that cliche??? you can’t get something for nothing. i hope that doesn’t come across condescending or bad. i just know for me i have to yell at myself all the time about it, so that’s why it’s first on the list OTL don’t give up, or in the words of bangtan: no no no not today! ^^

2. i used to believe you couldn’t force writing but i think what the more accurate way for me now is to think: i can’t force Right Writing, like it isn’t necessarily good as i throw it down initially and sometimes that’s as good as it’s going to be until i reach a point in that piece that helps me rebuild/recreate/reword the first parts that i KNEW at the time weren’t very good but couldn’t do more with...like perspective within your own narrative i guess, which can’t be gotten without pushing ahead. 

so for example, i disliked everything i had with call and answer from the beginning to the end but the only way i got it all done was to write something every day a paragraph or two maybe, just to get draft one done. then i could look at it the next day to proof-read, put one part before another part, etc, etc, the things that went into making it something i could bear to post. ah so basically if it comes a little naturally that’s awesome but i know for me the most frustrating thing is not being able to control when that happens or why, and since i still want to write, this was my ‘solution’ so to speak -- write it, don’t delete it, look at it in an hour or the next day but move forward even if you’re not 1000% sure with it. like i know this doesn’t work for everyone but it is what has at the moment, kept me afloat. it’s not fun but for whatever reason, it is a method i have employed time to time. 3. write what YOU want to, not what anyone else wants you to (unless it’s like a request you’re fulfilling which case that’s up to you of course!) but in general like....i think there’s a misconception that to write big you have to write for everyone but you can connect to a lot of people by telling a very specific story -- they may not dive into every part, but if there is even one aspect of a story i feel recognized by (a moment, a turn of phrase, the resolution, the problem, whatever) then that’s often enough for me. it’s like with people, we don’t get every part of each other -- even the best of friends, or lovers or whatnot -- but the parts we do get mean so much. same for me with stories.

4. give better advice than me lmfdslkf omg 

feel free to send other numbers or if i missed one let me know........omg but you probably wouldn’t want to after this huh? lmdsfijfoklfeds ^^;;; wow if you read all that uh....thank you but also i’m sorry ;; lmfdsojklefds T//////T!!!!! <3 ;3;