#this is going to be embarrassing but here’s a list in chronologically order:

[tsukimefuku]

Driving lesson

You asked Ijichi for some driving lessons.

Tags: platonic Ijichi & OC/Reader. Friendship. Fluff. Comedy. Crack taken seriously. Ijichi deserves more appreciation, he’s so precious.

WC: 600

This is part of my "Jujutsu Partners Canon Divergence AU". A sequence of short stories and random drabbles for a Nanami x Reader x Higuruma long fic I might write. To see the ever-growing list of one-shots and short stories, please visit my masterlist :) 

Disclaimer: these stories are NOT written and posted in chronological order of events. To see where this one fits in the timeline, please refer to the masterlist above.

Also, this is barely proof-read. I apologize for any blunders 😅

The car jumped, jolted and stopped. Then, it jolted, sped up for a few meters, and halted violently again. You and Ijichi were getting savagely shaken inside the car at your less than ideal abilities in driving it. He had his seatbelt on, and held his glasses on his face, afraid they might take flight the next time you moved your feet.

“Ms., what are you doing?” Ijichi asked, concerned, as you gripped the steering wheel like you were holding onto it for dear life.

“I don’t know!” You exclaimed, in a mix of frustration and desperation. “I have no clue.”

You had asked on a day off for ijichi to help you learn some driving skills, if it ever were something you needed. He agreed, a little suspicious and anxious as to why you would ask that, especially from him, given you seemed to be close to other people like Nanami or even Gojo, who could actually aid you in finding somewhere to get a proper driver’s license.

In reality, you just wanted to learn the basics, so here you were, in an empty parking lot, nearly heart arresting the poor man every time the car moved.

He sighed softly, thinking that going over the instructions one more time would be helpful. “Let’s go back to the beginning. You need to press the brake pedal. Then, you push the button on the gear shift, and slide it from Park to Drive, still pressing on the brake pedal.”

“Right, that’s where I’m at right now. I’m holding the brakes.”

“Then, you let go of the brake pedal slowly, and begin pressing the gas pedal softly.” Ijichi was emphatic when he uttered the words slowly and softly.

“At the same time or do I let go of one pedal and then press the other?” You asked, earnestly.

Ijichi was very confused, and you noticed it.

“What? What’s wrong?”

He silently tilted himself to take a look at your feet, and that was when he realized that you had your left foot on the brake pedal, and the right foot on the gas pedal.

“Ms., you need to operate both pedals with your right foot. Just rest your left foot on the opposite corner.” Ijichi said, pushing his glasses back into position once more, incredulous you’d be doing that and thought it was just fine.

“What?! I have to use only one foot?!” You grunted, tilting your head back on the rest. “Who the hell conceived this death contraption?!”

“An American entrepreneur named Henry Ford.”

You sighed. “Ijichi, I know that. It was rhetorical.”

“Oh.” He answered, slightly embarrassed.

“I mean, I think I should actually go get some lessons and get my driver's license?” You thought out loud, scratching your head with one hand as you put the car in Park with the other.

“Heaven’s, no.” Ijichi let out instantly, by accident.

You looked at him surprised, and he tensed up, ready for the scowling he was already very used to receiving from sorcerers.

You were actually amused at his unrestrained sincerity, and began cackling, much to his confusion. Your laughter was wholehearted.

“I’m a jujutsu sorcerer, my expertise needs to be fighting and exorcizing curses,” you began, “and with no false modesty, I feel like I’m pretty good at it.” Your eyes then met Ijichi’s. “I think I should leave navigating this grim machine for people who are good at it. People like you.”

He looked at you a little taken aback, and feeling somewhat proud at the compliment.

“Yeah, ‘heaven’s, no’. That sounds about right,” you said, chuckling again at it. He began laughing with you, feeling his concern subside.

“So, let’s go get something to eat? All these near death experiences made me hungry.” You chirped, light-spirited.

Ijichi nodded. “I’ll drive.”

You started removing your seatbelt so that you could exchange seats. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, buddy.”

[builtbybrokenbells]

Gold Dust Woman | V

Unexpected does not always mean unwelcome, but just because it is welcome, does not always make it right.

Read part four here

Pairing: sam kiszka x f!reader, jake kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 10.7k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, unprotected sex (wrap it), fingering (f!receiving), oral (f!receiving), praise, dirty talk, teasing, slight male sub dynamic ig, begging, drinking, swearing, love triangle shit, you know the drill, sorry if I miss any!

hello lovely people 🤭 so happy to be back again. sorry this took so long, but i hope this meets your expectations. i love you all dearly and hope that you aren’t too upset with me for my small hiatus. i will say that thus far, I’ve kept the lyrics in chronological order mostly because they’ve always aligned with the chapter theme. now, they’re going to be mixed up a bit to fit a little better! anyway, without further ado, enjoy, don’t mind any grammar mistakes, and please be kind 🫶🏻

Of all the situations in the world, you figured this particular one would be at the top of the list for awkwardness. When Sam stepped into your home, the door latch loudly clasping shut behind him, you waited for the dread to seep in, for the whiplash of anxiety that so often accompanied the presence of the brothers. Instead, a bubble of anger formed in your chest. You were mad at him for not making a move sooner, and for only making one after Jake did. Upset at the fact he had no issue involving you in their twisted dynamic, or remorse for playing with your feelings. You were no longer blind, being strung along aimlessly by ignorance and emotion. Danny was right; you were in control of the situation, and you intended to prove that. No more guilt for a situation the two boys created, and long ago, at that. No more pain over a fate they chose for themselves.

Wordlessly, you made a move to the kitchen. He followed, unsure of how to verbally approach the thoughts he was having about you. You located another bottle of wine, calling to you with temptation greater than the one you had for the boy standing behind you. As you cracked the cap, sipping from the bottle with little care, you finally turned to face him. “Why are you here?” It took him a moment to process your blunt inquiry, curious about your sudden shift in perspective from the day prior.

“To see you.” He said, simple and to the point.

“Mmm,” you hummed, now much less embarrassed about your attire, or lack of, rather. It was a great head start to your course of action. “To see me, or to fuck me?” The alcohol was a violent instigator, disrupting any filter you would normally have on your thoughts.

“To see you.” He confirmed again, unwavering on his stance, but his gaze was drifting away from your face and settling on the parts of you he was previously so eager to discover. A smirk tugged at your lips, finding his loyalty to his answer funny. You could tell the truth was not within the words he spoke, and his curious eyes were giving him away.

“Okay, you’ve seen me. Want to leave, now?” The angry part of you had no sympathy for the boy you had been so desperately in love with. Although he was still the same person, the new perspective on him casted a different light, now. One that illuminated faults instead of solely positives. The love was the same, still craving his touch with a ferocity like no other, still so profound that it made your head spin and your chest ache. But, love was subject, because the idea of love in your mind was heavily dependent upon your imagination, reliant on the idea that Sam was perfect.

Your feelings were real, but no longer cemented with the notion that he could do no wrong. The pedestal was crumbling, cracking and falling more by the second, finally returning him back to common ground. He lost his ability to consume you entirely, his baggage weighing him down and giving you a chance to surface for some air. The angelic aura that surrounded him was laced with sin, but it made him all the more loveable. His imperfections lessened his ability, but made him more realistic than before. Perhaps your freedom to close the gap of the power imbalance worked more in his favour than anything else. Your momentary sense of control was exhilarating, allowing you to finally plant your feet firmly on the ground, but it only made you fall victim to him even further.

Love cannot be true without equality, and your new understanding of Sam gave you exactly that. The equal playing field resulted solely from the destruction of the barrier between idolization and acceptance. Harnessing control seemed like a way to regain your own power, but it was your biggest mistake thus far. Choosing to continue your dance with the devil only allowed you to shatter the world in which Sam could do no wrong, and learn to love him despite the flaws. It was only a matter of time before the realization seeped through the cracks of the false sense of control; the power did not belong in the hands of any of you, no matter the belief that it did.

Once again, the devil laughed loudly, remaining baffled at your inability to heed the warning.

“I can’t come see you unless I have a reason?” He asked, eyes still drinking in the way the red lace complimented you. “I like your company.”

“You can,” you nodded, showing him you weren’t contesting him on that specific point. “Just don’t think that’s why you came today.” You watched him, examining his face for any faltering expressions.

“Why do you think I’m here, then?” He asked, challenging you the same way you were challenging him. You didn’t respond right away, unsure of the correct answer to his question. You didn’t want to give yourself away, or let him know that you were aware of his history, but you had to make sure he knew you weren’t going to conform to his rules this time.

“To make sure I didn’t forget about our conversation, yesterday.” His eyes flickered to meet yours, curious that you caught on to his intent so quickly. “I didn’t forget, Sammy.” You whispered, voice barely breaking through the silence.

“You mean to tell me you had no intent when you opened the door like that?” His lips upturned in the corner, a smirk now painfully present. He was taunting you, begging for the upper hand to offset your head start. As much as he enjoyed your company, it did not make him completely willing to allow you control.

“I don’t think you want me to answer that, baby.” As you spoke, a flash of emotion crossed his eye, like a spark catching a fume of gasoline. As soon as it ignited, it burnt out in an instant. You weren’t sure if it was because he was covering his emotion, or if he was really that unbothered by the thought of you waiting for his brother. You were both well aware that the initial invitation inside was calling Jake’s name, rather than his. Still, that did not mean he was unwelcome, and he was planning to soak up every bit of hospitality you were willing to give him.

“So I am intruding?” He asked, expecting you to grovel for him to stay. You let out a small laugh, shaking your head at his question.

“You’re not going to leave, Sam. Don’t pretend you will, because we both know it’s not true.” Instead of focusing on the shocked expression he was giving you, you held the bottle of wine to him, silently offering him a drink. Rather than responding, he took the bottle from you and unscrewed the cap, taking a long drink to wash down his distaste for you calling his bluff. He wasn’t sure what to expect of you, but this certainly wasn’t it. The version of you he’d seen yesterday was much different, timid and lovestruck by him. Now, you almost seemed bored, like you were waiting for him to prove himself to you. He was scared that Jake had already won the race, but fear was second to intrigue; he was enticed by the idea of winning you back. He was enticed by you, standing and speaking with so much confidence, your beauty never shining quite as bright as it did in that moment.

He knew he was an idiot for waiting so long, stupid for giving his brother a chance to make an advance. He was stupid for not letting you know how he felt about you sooner, always keeping his admiration silent and making you second guess yourself. He felt, if anything, he owed it to you to to let you express your distaste for his actions. So he played along, allowing you to rid yourself of any ill feelings, knowing he was bound to enjoy the process, anyway. Any attention from you was worth more than the world in his eyes. He let you take the lead, believing that he was doing it willingly; as much as he convinced himself that it was voluntary, he knew that you had him wrapped around your finger. The nights events would only solidify the fact even further, making the entanglement all the more dangerous.

That was the funny thing about your relationship; you both felt the need to harness control, but were both fools for each other. Desperately searching for a sense of power, but willing to give in at the simplest request. The defensive nature that you both tried to maintain, one that radiated with cockiness and carelessness for each other was just for show. You were one misspoken word away from cracking; the weight of his stare was overwhelming, begging to disrupt your entire process.

“Are you sure about that?” He asked, placing the bottle on the table, freeing his hands in anticipation of an advance. You gave him a soft smile, finding his confidence charming.

“So sure that if the time comes, I’ll even hold the door open for you.” Your words struck a nerve in him, but he didn’t break. “But, I’ll leave it unlocked, because I know you’ll come back.” His eyes were burning into you, making the temptation to reach out and touch him overwhelmingly strong. Still, you stood with your feet firmly planted to the ground, imploring him to make the first move. His head tilted to the side, watching you with curiosity. When he realized your play, a smile crossed his lips.

“So sure of yourself, but you haven’t done anything to make me want to stay, princess.” The pet name shook you to your core, shattering all of your values and consuming your thoughts with anything but purity. Both brothers were so charming, perfect with their words but in different ways. Jake made it unable to think about anything other than him, leaving you without a choice in wanting him. He stole the air from your lungs and made the suffering pleasurable. Sam gave you freedom of choice, but ensured to bury himself in every available thought, making the decision of keeping him around easier than anything else. The idea of choice was false from either side, but the ignorance to the truth was fantastic, making you believe you really had a say in the matter and in turn, making you fall for him further on your own accord. They were both evil, no doubt about that, but you were just as bad for allowing them the power over you.

“So far you haven’t done anything other than give me a headache.” You said, almost as if you were bored with the banter. You weren’t sure what came over you; the back talk, the taunting, the confidence all seemed to be new, summoned at the idea of Sam believing he was winning the argument. Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was your annoyance with his insufferable attitude. Whatever it was, you had dug just deep enough under his skin for him to throw the act to the side. He was eager to get the rest of your clothes off, and the conversation was giving nothing other than annoyance to both of you. Without a response, he stepped towards you and pulled you into him by your hips in one swift motion. Before you could comprehend the sudden movement, his eyes were busy casting the familiar spell over you, drawing you into him without a second thought. Within a few seconds, his lips were on yours.

Your hand snaked around his neck, eager and accepting of the new position. The kiss was heated, different than the ones you had shared before. The bitterness of the wine lingered on your lips, offsetting the sweetness of your satisfaction. The gratification that coursed through your veins was heavily accredited to his willingness to give in, making you think that for a moment you had won the battle. In turn, that was true in a sense, but it had only laid the foundation for a war to begin. Your personal needs were fulfilled, the agenda was almost to completion, but the nagging voices in your mind were screaming at you to recognize that they were achieved at a cost. You wished, with his hands on you, his lips distracting you, that the voices would cease to exist. No matter which path you chose, there was some moral dilemma begging to be heard above the sinister power of the little devil that was controlling your every move. As delightful as his touch was, some part of you finally begun to understand that it was not the answer to your questions, or the solutions to your problems.

But, you were never one to deny pleasure, and pleasure was nothing compared to what he was capable of giving you.

You felt like you were melting into him, completely immersed in his presence and one with every movement. His hands were steady, holding you to him to make sure you knew he wasn’t backing down. Your chest was burning, heart racing at the idea of finally having him so intimately. Months of tension spent waiting for a moment of relief, begging for him to notice, was finally coming to an end, but not in a sweet confessional. It was heated, passionate and hungry, both of you feeling no need for any sort of formalities. The lust was primal, and seemingly desperate. Whether that was for each other, or just to prove a point, was unclear. Despite his arrogance moments earlier, he didn’t seem to have a plan in mind to progress. He wanted you to take charge, to allow yourself the opportunity to rid yourself of any frustrations or fears that you may have been experiencing previously. You were in control, and he was willing to do whatever he could to please you.

You parted for a moment, lungs aching for a breath. Your hands drifted downwards, fumbling with the bottom of his shirt. He released his hold, allowing you to pull it over his head and expose his upper body. Your eyes washed over his bare torso, wanting to admire him, but your hands were already guiding him backwards to one of the kitchen chairs. You felt like you were in a frenzy, needing to know every part of him and appreciate the detail, but unable to slow down to allow yourself to do so. You wanted all of him, but you wanted it right away. Waiting was out of the question; your patience had withered away long before he showed up at your doorstep.

Before he sat, he took a second to remove his jeans, leaving you both in the same position. Minimal fabric concealing the most intimate details, details that you were both eager to explore. Once he kicked his pants to the side, he allowed you to guide him down on the wooden chair. Before he could even settle himself in the seat, you had taken it upon yourself to make yourself comfortable in his lap. With your legs on either side of him, you placed your hand on his shoulder as you guided yourself into the new position. His hands found your hips again, showing his appreciation for your advance. He held you down on him, the small friction providing relief only for a few seconds.

“How’s that?” He hummed, the warmth of his palms searing into you, branding you with his touch. You knew in that moment, there was no escaping Sam. He had permanently engraved his essence within you, his name knotted around your tongue, his presence making home in your heart and his touch burrowing under your skin. He was like a parasite, showcasing it with his ability to latch on to you and take control, to slowly leech all life from you. The certain death was the most comforting part; you would never have to live without him, to feel the ache if he disappeared. “Still giving you that headache?” He mustered out, almost distracted from his jab by the slow roll of your hips against him. The gentle movement was barely causing any friction, yet it was grand enough to completely break his focus. You knew just as well as he did that your effect on him rivalled the one he had on you, and you were using it to your advantage.

“Shut up, Sam.” You snapped, feeling his hands find the clasp of your bra. With expert precision he unhooked it, the tension releasing instantly and the straps drifting down your shoulders.

“Hey, now. No need to be like that.” He cooed, the soft sound of his voice sending a shiver down your spine. The difference in bed between him and his brother was astounding; if you had spoke to Jake with even an ounce of the disrespect you were giving Sam, chastising would have been for certain, and punishment would be expected. Instead, Sam took the gentle approach, coaxing you with kindness to do what he do badly wanted. There was no authority in his tone or his touch, only need that could not be described with such simple words. He was completely at your disposal, willing to do anything you wanted with little argument. The similarities you’d seen previously had finally begun to divide, branching off to show you the different sides of both boys. Even with the differences, you still found yourself falling further for each of them with every moment that passed.

In one sense, your adoration for Sam was growing larger with every second, faster with every touch he ghosted over your skin. In another, the surge of emotion snowballed into guilt, feeling like you were betraying Jake by encouraging Sam’s advances. You vowed to fight, to settle the score and finish their endless battle for them, but you were slowly beginning to understand that the peace would come at risk of casualties; the casualty being you. Still, you walked into your own demise with content, just happy to be loved in the process. Your willingness to sacrifice your own sanity stemmed from the fact that the feeling of being loved by both boys was too grand to deny. As much as you wanted to believe your intent was selfless, that it was to protect lovers from future conflict like such, it was not wholly true. The biggest force was solely the desire to be with them, to be needed by them. You were drowning in your own feelings, but the water was warm, more comforting than the thought of never swimming again.

His fingers drifted over your shoulders, begging you to move just enough so he could remove the red fabric from you. You adhered to his silent plea, moving back from him and allowing him to slip the straps from your arms. He lazily tossed the bra to the floor, not even bothering to notice where it landed. Instead, his eyes were focused only on you, engraving the memory into his brain forever. His curious hands drifted to where the bra had been previously concealing you, his thumb brushing over your nipple, soft enough that you could have missed it. He leaned forward, lips connecting with the sensitive skin on your neck. He familiarized himself with you, his movements slow but calculated.

When the first breathy moan slipped past your lips, he was sure he could die in that moment, more content than he’d ever been. His actions were seemingly genuine, like all he was doing was for the sake of your pleasure. It was partially true, and he was happy that he could give you what you wanted, but it was more than that; every touch, kiss, all of the silent encouragement was selfishly motivated. Much like his brother, he was determined to make you fall victim to him, just so you never wanted to leave. The game was natural to them, but losing you was not something he was willing to do. As much as he hated to sacrifice his brothers feelings for his own sake, he didn’t care. In the end, he wanted you no matter the sacrifice or strife, and he was certain of it. For the time being, he made it a mission to make your decision easy, to make you want to come to him, to fall in to his arms as if you’d always belonged there.

He lowered his mouth, capturing your nipple in his mouth. A soft flick of his tongue over the sensitive bud sent a shiver down your spine. Your back arched, allowing him easier access to your chest. As you did so, his erection pressed further into your heat, intensifying your arousal. His mouth focused on one breast while his hand found your other. The two different sensations created a whole new feeling for you, quickly realizing that he also had a touch of magic within him as well. As if it were your new mantra, you found yourself blaming it on the Kiszka charm once again. You felt as if you’d been reciting that in your head more than anything else, chalking up every moment to a universal aura all of the siblings possessed. Deep down, you knew it was likely because they knew you, that they’d studied you in attempt to understand what would win you over, and now they were using it to their own advantage. Still, ignorance was easier to choke down than truth, and the truth was that charm was part of the game.

You found your hips grinding into him more as his tongue moved with expert precision. He was growing more excited by the second, eager to get the rest of your clothes off and get a taste of the mess he’d created. His hand wandered down, tickling the soft skin of your torso as he searched for something more. Eventually, his fingers knotted through the side of your underwear, the lace tempting him too much to withstand. He let his fingers rest for a moment as he removed his mouth from your nipple, barely giving you time to process the loss before his free hand was guiding your head down to meet him in a kiss. It was a messy show of tangled lips and curious tongues, nothing desirable about the sloppiness, yet more inviting than anything else you could imagine.

Little by little, his parasitic nature began to suck the life from you, beginning with your own morality. The more you had of him, the more the cloud of guilt floated away. No thoughts of Jake, or his hands that you’d been begging for only moments before Sam’s arrival. The only thing that mattered was your growing impatience and how badly you wanted him inside you. When you parted from him, you were both fighting for a full breath, lungs burning with something bigger than just a lack of oxygen; overwhelmed by the pure desire surrounding you. “Stand up for me.” He managed out through a long exhale. You did as he pleased, but ensured that the process was drawn out, teasing him as you did so. Once you were planted on your feet, he took it upon himself to rid you of the red lace that left little to the imagination. Once they dropped to your ankles, he sucked in a long breath in attempt to cover the shock on his face.

He couldn’t hide the look of adoration his eyes were glistening with, overwhelmed at the thought of finally being with you so intimately. He would have told you that you were gorgeous, the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen, but his words seemed to fail him. Seeing you fully exposed before him seemed to cause a short circuit in his brain, unable to comprehend the feelings he had for you in that moment. It was a slow build up, letting him believe he was in control of how hard he was falling for you, allowing him to think that you didn’t have any power over him. The bliss that he felt in that moment told him all he needed to know; he was in love with you, falling harder and faster than he ever had. There was no stoping it, no cushion to break the fall, and the only way to protect himself was to make you love him, too.

He was certain his brother felt the same pull, the same adoration and the same love. It was only then he realized that the world they had been living in was far more dangerous than it had ever been before. This time, the love was real, and catastrophic. Neither could bear the thought of losing, and they were pulling you in both directions as they fell opposite of each other. The cushion of protection that brotherhood provided only extended so far, and the truth of this heartbreak stretched far beyond covered ground. As he reached out for you, slowly turning you around and guiding you backwards to him, he tried to push the thought away. As your legs found home on either side of him, the warmth of your back searing into the skin of his chest, he knew it was here to stay. When his hand drifted between your legs, fingers dancing through the wetness and finding their way to your clit, he didn’t care. Your head fell back on his shoulder, eyes fluttered shut in bliss at the relief he was giving you.

“Oh, god.” You sighed, immediately causing him to close his eyes, too. The sound alone was enough to make him forget any worry in the world. His free hand returned to your breast, gently playing with your nipple as he focused on your clit. He was painfully hard, almost unable to hold himself back from fucking you right then, but he persevered. Getting you off was the only thing he cared about. In that moment, he was living for it. Your head turned inward towards his own, your forehead resting against his cheek, silently begging for more contact with him. He turned his head towards you, enjoying every bit of affection you would permit.

“Is that better, princess?” His voice was low, vibrating through you with an intensity you could barely comprehend. He was barely touching you, barely giving you anything at all, but he was driving you crazy. Every small touch or slight movement was a million times more powerful than they appeared. You worried that you were tangled in his web, too, your limbs tied down with no hope for freedom. Even with the restraint, the unwillingness to accept the inevitable consequence of being intertwined with him indefinitely, some part of you you knew you would be okay, because he would take care of you. He would always take care of you, and you knew that from the minute his hands touched you.

You thought it ought to be impossible, to be so intricately woven within both boys, to be tied down willingly even with the knowledge that there was no way out. After all, how could you be so immersed in two different worlds? The question hammered against your skull as his fingers danced through your cunt, pushing you to the brink of an orgasm without any effort. The words grew louder as the knot in your belly tightened, the stimulation of your nipple pinched between his fingers driving you even closer to the edge. As he turned his head and caught you in another kiss, you thought the pondering would be silenced, that the voice would fade into nothing. While his tongue danced with yours, sadistically paired with the expertise of his hands, the question was indefinitely answered. The web was the same, just much larger and complex than you originally understood. It was completely possible to be trapped by both brothers because their web was identical, and over years of playing their same disastrous games, they had intertwined and become one.

Danny was right in saying that it was impossible to fall for one and not the other, but not because of their similarities. Sure, they had lots in common, but that was not the driving force that made it so easy to love both. They were different in many ways, and you could tell just by how Sam was touching you, how he chose to love you in that moment. Different than Jake, but fantastic all the same. You loved both with the same intensity, but for all different reasons. In the struggle, it was easy to view the feelings as identical because you never had a moment to slow down and think of it any other way. It was possible to fall for both of them so intensely because they made it so; their whole exterior was a guise, perfectly crafted in retaliation to the feeling of insecurity and inferiority. Mistakes from their younger days led them to believe that the pattern was set in stone, rather than something they allowed. Instead of changing, working towards the common goal, they played into the idea that they were never going to escape the curse. You had fallen for both of them so quickly because they moulded into one mindset, mirroring each other in the worst ways.

The boys were different, much more than you had perceived before. You wished that with the realization, picking one over the other would be so much easier. As Sam coaxed you into an orgasm, sending a wave of pleasure through you so intense that you couldn’t catch your breath, you knew it wasn’t true. In the few short days they had spent trying to win you over, you’d fallen for them as individuals. Caught in the same web, but in love with two different versions of it. One side was not greener than the other, nor more promising, which made it all the more painful. As you came down, skin tingling with the ghost of pleasure, you clung to him for comfort. The warmth of his skin was inviting, so inviting that it was easy to ignore the warnings your brain wished you would adhere to. There was no hope for a brighter side, and it didn’t matter who you chose in the end, because they had both planted the seed of promise within your brain. Promise of love, happiness, comfort, and the thought of losing either was excruciating. Different as they may be, the euphoric feeling of being loved by them was all the same.

Suffering was a promise coated with momentary gain. Nobody was in control, and you were all finally beginning to understand.

Once you had regained your senses, Sam prompted you to sit up for a moment. You hovered above him, allowing him the chance to free himself from his boxers. He barely had the fabric out of the way before he was guiding you back down to him, lining his cock with your entrance as he did so. There was a slight moment of hesitancy from both of you, but it was quickly forgotten when he pulled you down on him fully, your ass meeting his hips as he bottomed out inside of you. A shared groan of relief sounded from both of you, as if it was something you’d been waiting for your whole lives. He pulled your upper half back to his chest, reaching around to find your clit again. Once you’d recovered from the overwhelming feeling of him inside you, you began to rock your hips. He didn’t move his fingers, letting you set the friction with the pace of your hips. It was a small injustice, one that drove you insane. His generosity weakened and he was silently telling you that if you wanted more, you had to work for it.

You sped your movements, finding your will to argue with Sam completely non-existent. Arguing with Jake was fun, because you knew you went into the conversation with no chance of coming out on top. With Sam, it was a ruthless battle. You could both scream until you were blue in the face and neither of you would give in. You could spend all night running in circles, or get yourself off on your own accord, and you chose the latter. Your only hope was that he felt the same about you, and when it was your turn for a command, he would oblige with the same enthusiasm. As you sunk back down on him, he was unable to hold back the sound of pleasure that slipped through his lips. It only served as motivation, telling you that he was just as crazy for it as you were.

He had one hand firmly on your waist, fingers decorating the soft flesh with enough pressure for you to notice, but not near enough to hurt you. His touch radiated caution and care, so unlike the hands you had on you the night before. “This is what you came over for, isn’t it?” You hummed, your head tilted back and his cheek pressed against yours. He refused to answer, but didn’t change his position. “Tell me, Sam.” You ordered, but the tone was gentle, coaxing it from him at his own pace rather than forcing it.

“Fuck, yes,” he finally said, hissing his answer through clenched teeth. Your eyes closed at the sound, pleased at his answer but not completely satisfied with him yet.

“Is it as good as you thought it would be?” You taunted, not changing your pace but coming down on him with more force each time. “Exactly what you dreamed of?”

“Yeah, baby.” He nodded against you, sucking in a sharp breath as you rolled your hips on him. “You feel so good, even better than I imagined.” His voice was strained, like he was trying to fight back a moan as he spoke. A smirk played at the corner of your lips, content to have him in such a mess below you.

“God, you do too.” You sighed, realizing that if he was willing to be so kind, you would, too. “I’ve wanted this for so long, Sammy.” The statement caused his fingers to tighten on you and his pressure on your clit to increase. A moan fell from you, content with his effort. He was just happy you were enjoying yourself. In a twisted turn of events, you understood that in that specific scenario, he was existing solely to please you. So many months wasted pinning after him, and he had been so eager to make you feel good the whole time. As if it were a silent apology from both of you, he was doing so now, and praising him only seemed right.

“Now you have me, princess.” He whispered, leaning down and placing a few kisses on your shoulder. The small act of love was heartwarming, but you didn’t let it deter you from the filthy things you wanted him to do to you. “I’m all yours.” You swallowed hard at the statement, not quite ready to bear the weight of it yet.

“Just like that, baby.” You gasped, shifting slightly in hopes that he would continue hitting the same spot inside you. The circles he was rubbing into your clit were steady, ruthless in their efforts to get you to another climax. You sped the pace, the tip of his cock hitting the most sensitive spot inside you from the new angle. “M’gonna cum,” you warned, praying he would keep his rhythm.

“Yeah?” He asked, his tone hopeful and anything but condescending. You let out a murmur of agreement, your eyes squeezed shut in anticipation. Your forehead was glistening with sweat, the position clearly taking a bit more energy than you anticipated. The strands of his hair that were in disarray were tickling the skin of your shoulders, a simple beauty in the mess of vulgarity. He was beautiful, and so was the way he was making you feel. It seemed as though he worshiped the ground you walked on, ecstatic that he even had the opportunity to please you. Like your words had changed his demeanour, morphed him into something you never expected from him. He was so witty and even snarky by times, and you fully expected that persona to carry over from every day life to the bedroom. Instead, he was almost a different person, desperate to make you feel good and even willing to be chastised in the process. Had you attempted to tease Jake, you would be met with nothing rewarding. The difference was astounding.

“Oh, fuck Sam!” You whined, the muscles in your abdomen tensing as a wave of pleasure washed over you. The pressure had reached its peak, leaving your legs shaking and hands gripping at him for support.

“There you go, princess.” He breathed, in awe at the elegance of you, even in such a dirty way. “Did that feel good?” Once again, the vibration of his voice resonated throughout your body, settling under your skin and igniting every nerve.

“Felt so good, baby.” You assured him. Without another word, he lifted you off him, keeping a hand on you to support you. With a swift motion, he cleared the clutter of the table with a swipe of his hand. Most items were pushed backwards, some toppling over and some papers floating to the ground with grace. You watched as the items settled in their new positions, a spark of intrigue filling you. He turned to you, picking you up with ease and settling you on the now empty spot on the kitchen table. “Hi,” you let out a small giggle, processing the change of position. As he nestled between your legs, you couldn’t help but feel a fleeting moment of innocent joy. The soft features of his face, beautifully crafted and meant to be admired. The hair cascading down his shoulders, framing every detail in the most elegant way. The dim overhead light and the sun from the window painting him with a bit of a golden glow. It was all too much to overlook, too profound to go unnoticed. He was perfect, unbearably compelling, and the tug on your heartstrings from the sight was irrefutable. You couldn’t help but take the moment, even if it broke the momentum of sex.

“Hi, gorgeous.” He smiled, eyes drifting over your face and admiring you in the same way. After a moment of silent appreciation, he pulled you into a kiss. It was sweet, but it didn’t last for long and the blame was shared between both of you. The need for more was obvious, and the tender action quickly turned messy, desperate, even. You felt him line himself up with you again, but you broke away and stopped him before he could advance. He looked at you with worry, wondering if he overstepped. You shook your head, placing a hand on his shoulder and gently guiding him towards the floor.

After a moment, he caught on to your demand. He sunk to his knees, almost embarrassed that he hadn’t thought of it himself. He was so worked up that he hadn’t even taken the time to fully grasp what was in front of him. He placed a few kisses to your thighs, gentle and loving, building up to what you so badly wanted. He hooked his arm under your leg and gently guided you to the edge of the table. He didn’t waste too much time, not wanting you to lose interest in the action. He ran his tongue through you, savouring the taste of your arousal. He let out a hum of pleasure, letting you know he was more than grateful to have you like that. Your hand found his hair, tangling in the locks of brown. You watched him, eyes glazed with lust, realizing how many times you wished you could have him exactly as he was. You didn’t have the chance to dwell for too long, his tongue quickly finding your already quite sensitive bundle of nerves.

Your head fell back, too focused on the feeling to watch him any longer. His initial exploration was long forgotten about, eager to get you to another climax. Part of it was selfish, not wanting to wait any longer to be inside you again, but most of it was desperation to make you feel such a way again. The knowledge that he could make you feel so good was worth more than the world to him. He was sure there was no greater motivator in the universe. His tongue was focused on your clit, relentless in its pursuit of an orgasm. His fingers were grasping your thigh, holding you to him like he was scared you would get away. Little did he know, that was the last thing you ever wanted to do. You wished you could stay like this with him forever.

After a moment, he added his fingers to you, pumping them in with a slight curl every time. The added stimulation made it impossible for you to hold back any moans. Your grip on his hair was tight, and if you weren’t so lost in the pleasure, you would be in fear of hurting him. It didn’t bother him, though. If anything, it drove him further, making him enjoy the experience even more. He was crazy for you, and he knew that in that moment, there was nothing he wouldn’t do to have you like this again. His previous concern about Jake and his feelings were obsolete. The need to be with you was greater than his worry of hurting his brother. Even if someone was bound to get harmed, he was just happy to have you for the time being. Even if you didn’t choose him. After all, having you for a brief moment was better than never having you at all.

“S-Sammy,” you whimpered, eyes squeezed shut at the pure ecstasy of his mouth. He hummed against you, acknowledging your exclamation without breaking away from you. “Fuck that feels so good.” You groaned, the words ripping from your chest in a violent manner. He used the praise as motivation, ensuring his movements were consistent to give you the most pleasure he could. Although his pace was slow, it did not mean it wasn’t impactful. He flattened his thumb against your cunt, pulling his mouth back only slightly so he could slip the digit just below his lip. The pause in movement took you for surprise, making you wonder what he was doing. After a few seconds, he continued on and answered your question immediately. A sharp gasp sounded, the slight change introducing you to a whole different type of pleasure.

With every upstroke of his tongue, he brought his thumb up under it, keeping it in time with his tongue. The new feeling made it so your clit was constantly stimulated, never giving him a chance to miss a beat. He continued pumping his fingers in you, the curl hitting your g-spot with ease. There was no doubt the brothers talent on their instruments had contribution to their skillful hands, but you had no idea to what extent it would be. Now, you were certain that every lifetime lived would only be worth it if it was spent with a guitarist. “Please don’t stop,” you pleaded, drawing in a long breath. The burning in the pit of your stomach was intense, easily telling you that he didn’t have to work for much longer. One last pump of his fingers was all you needed. When you came, it was more intense than the ones he had previously given you. You were clenched around his fingers, your legs shaking and your fingers knotted tightly in his hair. You struggled to catch your breath, your chest burning for air and your head swimming with nothing meaningful.

When he noticed your body relax, he slowly tapered his pace. When he fully removed himself from you, you felt disappointment at the lack of attention. He smiled up at you, noticing the look of displeasure on your features. Slowly, he rose back to his feet and made home between your legs again. “You taste so good, princess. Could do that all day.” He said, his words sincere and no hint of a lie in his expression.

“It was so good, Sammy. You make me feel so good.” You sighed, pulling his upper body into you. You wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into an embrace. You weren’t sure if it was because you were craving the comfort after such an earth-shattering orgasm, or if you were craving him. Either way, the comfort that came from the feeling of his arms around you was unexplainable. He placed a kiss to the top of your head, flooding your body with a type of warmth you can only feel from another person. He held you there, feeling the same way that you were. He never wanted to leave, never wanted to let you go, and it was dangerous. Much like his brother, he had to face the reality that you weren’t his. At least, not yet.

“Can I fuck you, please?” He asked, voice barely above a whisper. It was an attempt to ward off the ache that settled within him, knowing he would walk out of the house with no promise of more.

“You want to fuck me?” You asked, pulling back to look up at his face. He met your eyes, giving you a nod. You watched his face, wondering if you wanted to allow him the opportunity so soon. There was a slight glimmer of hope in his eye, one that you couldn’t look past. “Since you did such a good job,” you teased, a small smile on your lips. “You can fuck me, baby.” You said, the permissive statement sparking him into action immediately. His hands shot to your hips, pulling you just a little closer to the edge. You leaned back slightly, allowing him easier access. His hand trailed to your thigh, landing on your knee and pulling your leg up and around him. You locked it there, drawing him in closer as he lined himself up with your entrance.

He pushed into you, both of you letting out a sigh of relief at the feeling. He thrusted his hips slow at first, giving you time to adjust to him again. You appreciated his patience, you were sensitive from the events that had already ensued, and him caring about your comfort more than his satisfaction meant a lot. After a moment, you were well acclimated and wanted more. You guided his body closer to you, wrapping an arm around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. He responded enthusiastically, happy for the new invitation. Your tongue danced over his bottom lip, driving him crazy and inevitably causing him to quicken his pace. The angle in which the position allowed was deliciously precise, the tip of his cock reaching your cervix as he thrusted. The small jolt of pain was immensely noticeable, but just as pleasant as every other sensation.

You were certain that anything would be delightful as long as Sam was the one doing it.

You let a moan slip into his mouth, unintentional but perfectly good for him. His fingers seared into your skin, tightening at the sound. You were having a hard time keeping your lips to his with the way he was pounding into you. Your leg that was locked around him attempted to pull him closer, even if it was impossible. You wanted to be immersed in him, for his being to suffocate you. You never wanted to leave the moment, never wanted him to stop touching you. Every nerve was ablaze with months of tension finally coming to an end. Your skin was on fire, not with heat, but with the pure electricity his body was giving off. It felt perfect, like this was exactly where you should be. The decision to be with Sam should have been easy, especially when you were feeling like such. Still, there was a little voice in your head telling you that something wasn’t right, and you couldn’t rely on the feeling because you felt the same way with Jake.

You felt despicable even thinking of his brother while engaging in such an act, but the thought was fleeting, never lasting for too long but always appearing when you least expected it. Much like poison slowly creeping into your veins and overthrowing your own body. It was killing you, but was so good, so similar to a drug. Both of the boy’s love was branded with toxicity and was dangerously volatile, but always left you wanting more. Left you believing that you couldn’t live without it. “I need you to cum again, princess.” He pleaded. The words cut through your thoughts like a blade, shattering any abstraction of anything other than him. He was close, begging you for one more climax before he reached his own.

He had done a fantastic job pleasing you, ridding you of any indignation you held for him in the previous hours. With the offer of his body alone, he’d managed to erase any ill feelings in an instant, and in such a selfless manner. You thought you could give in, allow him what he wanted at his request. If you wanted to, you could make him go all night, and you were sure he would oblige. You certainly wouldn’t mind, but you had a streak of sympathy for him in that moment, feeling generous enough to give him a break. His hard work was appreciated, and you had gotten far more than you originally hoped for. “Are you close, baby?” You asked, using your free hand to cup his cheek in your hand. He gave a nod, leaning forward to rest his forehead on yours. “You want to cum with me?” You pried, wanting a verbal answer from him.

“Fuck, yes.” He groaned. Seeing him in such a state was enough to drive you over the edge. His desperation was thrilling; you couldn’t help but feel your ego inflating at the thought. You’d spent so long desperate to have him, and now that the roles were reversed, you couldn’t help but revel in it for a while. “Please, y/n, want it so bad.” The begging was new to you, never having experienced it from someone else. You’d been on the other end of it before, but receiving it was a whole new level of gratification. You didn’t want to make him grovel for too long, but we’re certain to remember the feeling for next time, just to ensure you could experience it again. You didn’t have to make him wait, anyway, because your next orgasm was approaching fast.

“Oh, god.” You growled, the sound primal and your grasp on him feral.

“That’s it, princess.” He encouraged, his grip tightening again. Every feeling was euphoric, otherworldly, almost. You had yet to comprehend the truth of the situation, that you were actually with Sam, and not just in another daydream or fantasy. He was in front of you, inside you, with his hands all over your body and his name embedded into your tongue.

“Fuck!” You choked out, abdomen rigid as your muscles contracted. You uttered his name, a gentle allowance for him to cum, too. He pulled you into another kiss, silencing any further admissions. You couldn’t help but let a whimper out, muffled by his lips on yours. That was all it took for him to reach his peak, both of your orgasms crashing over you at once. His movement halted, his hands pulling you into him as he spilled his release into you.

You were a mess of tangled limbs, glistening with sweat and surrounded by muttered noises of pleasure. Long after the climax, even after your bodies were relaxed and recovered from the excitement, you were both still wrapped around each other with no sign of release. He rested inside you, fingers ghosting over the spot he’d been previously holding. Your palm was cupping his cheek, keeping him close with no intention of letting him go. His forehead was on yours, both of your eyes closed in bliss, basking in the comfort of each other for as long as you could. His lips were hovering over yours, tempted by the thought of kissing you again. You ended his internal debate, capturing him in a sweet kiss, wanting it just as bad.

Time passed, filled with kisses and whispers of adoration and appreciation for each other. It was tender, loving and inviting. It was a moment you wanted to live in forever without fear of ever losing it. His touch was gentle, like he was scared you were made of glass and he’d break you with one wrong move. He thought you were perfect enough to be framed, to be an exhibit in the most prestigious art museum, but even that wouldn’t do you any justice. He wanted to speak, to tell you everything he’d held back for so long, to show you that he felt the same for you and he was foolish for waiting so long. His silence was thick, heavy in the air. He’d fallen victim to his cowardice, the same way you and Jake had. So many feelings ready to burst at the seam, but never enough courage to speak them aloud. All three of you held the belief that if it was left unspoken, it would hurt less when the inevitable downfall occurred.

“Let’s get cleaned up?” He offered, but his chest ached at the thought of breaking from you. You gave a small nod, head heavy with exhaustion and intoxication. Instead of pulling away, he wrapped his arms around you with caution, carefully picking you up off the table. He carried you to the bathroom before he finally let you stand on your own.

You both cleaned up, ridding yourselves of the dirty act you had committed. An invitation of a shower bounced around your soul, but the fear of rejection was far too large to speak it into existence. Instead, when you were both ready, you led him to your bedroom. You searched for a moment, locating a t-shirt that hung down to your thighs. You slipped it over your head as Sam disappeared, likely in search of his own clothes. He returned a moment later clad in just his boxers, carrying the other articles of clothing in his hand. He discarded them on the floor again, not caring where they ended up. You were both caught in wordless comfort, not wanting to disturb the peace in fear of saying something wrong. You took a seat on the edge of the bed, holding a hand out for him to join. A small smile crossed his lips, happy at the idea that you wanted him to stay.

He disregarded your gesture, climbing in behind you and wrapping his arms around your torso. He gently pulled you back as he laid down, settling you in his arms, pressing you firmly against his chest. You let out a giggle of delight, content at the position. Even though your back was to him and you couldn’t see his face, you knew he had a grin plastered on his cheeks. He grabbed a fistful of blanket, carelessly pulling the comforter over you both. The warmth surrounded you with more welcome than you anticipated, the familiar feeling immediately prompting a wave of tiredness. The sound of slow breathing filled the room, heartbeats in sync and all worry subsided. Within moments, you’d both drifted into a slumber that not even an earthquake could disturb.

A little while later, you woke with a start. Shuffling behind you and the stab of cool air penetrated the aura of comfort you had created. You rubbed the sleep from your eyes, groggy and disheveled from the deep slumber you had just been in. You looked up, noticing that Sam was cautiously climbing from the bed, trying not to disturb you. He didn’t notice your open eyes until he had pulled his shirt over his head and turned to check on you. “You’re leaving?” You asked, voice gravelly and laced with confusion.

“Oh, yeah. I have to get home.” He said, a note of sympathy ringing from him. It seemed like he wanted to disappear before any conversation could begin.

“Oh,” you said, trying not to let your disappointment show. Now that your eyes were fully open, your head was pounding from the hangover beginning. You cursed the wine for being so easy to drink, knowing you were in for a night of discomfort. “That’s okay. Thanks for coming over, it was nice.” You managed out, eyebrows furrowed from the pulse of pain beating against your skull. You tried to make the words sound as genuine as possible, not wanting any awkwardness to ruin the evening you shared. He pulled on his pants, then leaned down over you and placed a kiss to your lips.

“It was my pleasure.” He assured you, giving you a small smile. “I’ll see you soon?” You nodded, unable to fight back a smile in return.

“Yeah, text me later or whatever.” You tried to pass the comment off with nonchalance, but you were really hoping he would.

“Of course.” He said, kissing you once more. The temptation was just too strong to resist. With that, he straightened up, bidding a small goodbye and disappeared through your bedroom door. You pulled the blanket to your chest, feeling a fizzle of sadness spark in your heart. Perhaps the night you spent with Jake had conditioned you to believe that your entanglements were more than they actually were. In truth, they were nothing greater than messy hookups, even if you all had feelings buried deep below the surface.

You heard the front door shut followed by silence filling the home, screaming emptiness and seclusion again. You stayed stagnant for a moment, wondering if sleep was the best option to rid the looming sense of loneliness that made fast work at creeping back in. Instead of focusing on it, you crawled out of bed and faced the cool air. Your head ached as you stood, but you figured water and advil was the only sure way you would get any decent sleep. Plus, the thought of waking twice to the same violent hangover was too miserable to chance. So you trudged down the hallway, still slightly disoriented from the nap you couldn’t seem to pull yourself completely out of. When you saw the state of the kitchen, you felt the overwhelming urge to turn around and go back to bed.

There were papers strewn across the room, the table a mess of items that Sam had thrown into disarray. Your lingerie decorated the hardwood floor and the chair you and Sam had favoured was still a showpiece in the middle of the room. Your wine bottle that was barely broken into was begging you to take another sip, but you threw it in the fridge to fight the temptation. You grabbed a bottle of water, wasting no time chugging it down. The hydration felt nice, but it was no competition for the amount of alcohol you had consumed earlier that day. You searched the cabinet above your fridge for some painkillers, taking two and leaving the bottle out for the night.

You slowly picked up the mess of paper on your floor, neatly arranging it back on the table. You pushed the chair back in its place and collected the red lace that was taunting you with your bad decisions. Your focus fell back on the table, straightening some things up and making it look more presentable. As you finished the task, your eye caught sight of something laying underneath the stack of papers. You froze, eyes wide and heart thudding against your ribs. You reached out, slowly retrieving your phone from the mess. A sense of dread washed over you, scared to turn the screen on, realizing that you would likely be met by a plethora of missed messages from Jake. When Sam arrived, the whirlwind of events allowed for your previous arrangements with Jake to completely slip your mind. Or, perhaps you shoved them to the side intentionally. Either way, you were certain that the hours without a response hadn’t gone unnoticed, and you were certain he was not happy about it.

Part of you had a small thrill at the idea of him being pissed off, hoping the confrontation would turn into something quite enjoyable for you. There was a bigger, more imminent fear that he was genuinely just going to be angry at you, especially if he knew the reason as to why you were ignoring him. You were crushed at the idea of him being upset, even if his own game was the reason behind the hurt. As much as you hated to admit it, the feelings you had for him were very real and ran much deeper than lust. You tapped the screen, turning it on in an instant. When you registered the entirety of the missed notifications, your heart dropped. Two missed calls, and three texts.

You clicked the notification bars, nervous for the impact. The first two were light, mostly teasing you for the way he had ended the call. Then, when those went unanswered, he called. No voicemail, but you were sure he was tempted to leave one. Fifteen minutes later, he tried again. The second missed call really struck a nerve in him, because the third text came much later and was far heavier than the previous two. No loving undertone or lighthearted demeanour, just blunt and upfront.

Jacob

Have it your way, angel. Two can play that game.

Your stomach churned with unease, unsure exactly what he meant by the statement. Your ignoring him was not intentional, but after your behaviour earlier, there was no way in hell that he would believe you, now. Even if he did, how could you explain yourself without making yourself sound even more like a villain. You collapsed in the kitchen chair, head hung low and shame washing over you once again. You thought you ought to take the loss, move on and realize you messed up. Apologize, even, and rectify the mistake so hopefully he would accept it. But, the little devil was louder still, begging you to answer, pretend nothing happened at all just to feel his touch again, or even just to get him to call so you could hear his voice. Instead of doing either, you set your phone down, realizing it was best left alone until the morning.

You trudged back to bed, trying to rid yourself of the ache that settled in your bones. Most of it was due to the regret you felt about doing such a thing to Jake, but the other part because you felt like nothing more than a forgetful hookup to Sam. He’d been so loving during sex that it was almost earth-shattering when he seemed to be in so much of a rush to leave. With Jake, he stayed all night, tangled in your blankets and your heart, playing house for as long as he could. The sex with him was far from sweet, but the aftermath was astoundingly different. Your head was swimming, unsure of how to feel or how to know which was better. You closed your eyes, once again stuck in the rut of falling in love with the Kiszka’s. You begged for sleep, wondering if the despondent feeling would ever subside.

Rulers make bad lovers

TAGLIST: @itsdannysworld @gretavansara @jaketlove @laneygvf @freefallthoughts

[starleska]

welcome to...starleska's f/o round-up 2023! 🥳🥳🥳

below the cut is every single character i've had a crush on in 2023...and there are 30 in total!! 🙈💖 these are given in chronological order of fixation, and they are all new crushes (so re-entering a fixation for a character i've simped for previously doesn't count 😂) now be warned, this is a genuinely unhinged list. they are largely villains. one is a mushroom. one is a vehicle. one is a casino-themed duck-shaped robot. my autism is indiscriminate in the characters it fixates on, and they are all suitably embarrassing 😭💖 without further ado, here we go...

1. James the Red Engine | Thomas the Tank Engine

...shut up 😂💖 at the start of this year i truly lost my mind and fell headfirst into the Thomas the Tank Engine fandom (everyone there is so lovely and creative!!)...and of course, the vain train is my favourite 🙈💖 James is cute okay!! i don't need to justify myself!!! 2. 'Big' Jack Horner | Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

there's no way anyone missed this one - we are quite the tight-knit and dedicated group in the 'Big' Jack Horner fandom 😳💖 come on, look at him...a huge, powerful, obsessive, fancy-bastard collector with an affinity for magic??? he's stunning 🥴💖 i made so many lovely friends through gushing about this horrible man!!! we had so much fun making OCs to ship with him 🙈 one of the most intense fixations i've had all year, and one of the best villains we've seen in years...he is fantastic 🥰 3. Pizzahead | Pizza Tower

i don't know what's in the water of Pizza Tower but it's impossible to be normal about any character you like from that game 🙈💖 of course the evil sentient pizza slice took the top spot, he's so cartoony and ridiculous!!! the amount of power he exerts is also quite the draw 🤭💖 i'm not gonna lie there's a couple other characters from this game i may get into later...we'll see 😉 4. Fingers | Dead End: Paranormal Park

have you heard this guy's voice. can you blame me. deliciously evil fruity monstrosity with supernatural powers? sign me up to whatever sinister scheme Fingers has going on now or in the future 👉👈 he hits a lot of boxes...between the cabaret-style makeup, the posh, dismissive and manipulative personality and the inexplicable Eldritch body, he was always gonna be a crush 🤭 5. M.O.D.O.K. | Marvel

wheeze okay, this was originally a JOKE!!! @thelighttasteslikelasagna sent in this message joking that i look like i'd find M.O.D.O.K. hot, and i was really angry about it for five minutes...and then i discovered the stop-motion cartoon where he's exactly the kind of cringefail malewife villain i enjoy (in the Augustus St. Cloud vein), and the rest is history 🙈💖 definitely one of the silliest crushes i had this year, but he holds a special place in my heart :3c 6. Gargamel | The Smurfs

nah man i was on some serious mental illness at the start of this year 💀 i just can't help it when bad guys are like this, alright!!! Hank Azaria's performance as Gargamel is sooo silly and over-the-top, i couldn't help but love every second he was on screen 🙈💖 Gargamel's just a whole lot of fun!!! who doesn't love a magic-wielding freak hellbent on the destruction of a group of little creatures?? (i cannot and will not be taking any questions at this time 😶) 7. Wally Darling | Welcome Home

my God, the Wally Darling fixation hit the entire Internet like a train 🤭💖 soft-voiced, ambiguously-moraled rizz puppet that he is, how could we not all fall head-over-heels? i have to thank this guy for throwing me headfirst back into fanfic writing, as the whole Welcome Home story really inspired me...not to mention all the lovely folks who wanted to imagine different ways of getting to hold Wally's hand 🥰 hooray for our pretty puppet boy!! 8. Killa Harkan | John Wick: Chapter 4

...yes, i know, it's funny that Killa's the first of two cartoonishly evil German-accented bad guys with sleight of hand tricks and gold teeth on the list this year 😂💖 sitting in the cinema, the second he opened his mouth my partner just turned and stared at me, because they knew. i refuse to apologise for appreciating a really awful bastard - especially one who dresses so sharply 😉 9. Ian Hawke | Alvin and the Chipmunks

yet another member of the 'it started off as a joke...' club 🤭💖 listen, Ian serves!!! we can't resist a smarmy music producer/manage type, can we? Ian's in the same camp as Gargamel for being a deeply evil man whose capacity for doing harm is directed at little creatures. all i'm saying is, he can sign me up for a dodgy deal any day 🥴 10. Myc Cellium | Inside Job

i can't tell if it's my monsterfucker tendencies or my consummate attraction to Brett Gelman but the crass sentient mushroom got me down bad 😭💖 he's just such a menace!! he's got that intoxicating combo of being horribly socially inappropriate and an actual outcast...fellas, Myc was fixation bait for me 😭 11. Klaus Kickenklober | Sing 2

i don't care if you think you're not a furry, someone can and will get you from the Sing franchise, and that is a threat 🙈💖 yesss laugh it up, Star's got another stern and vaguely European cartoon villain added to the list 😂 i just find Klaus so impossibly delightful!!! he'd be a terrible teacher to have in real life, but in fiction, i think i could fix him :3c 12. The Spot | Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

ohoho, i know you guys were living for The Spot fixation because i remember your reaction to the x Readers 😉 look at him and his incredible design!!! the transformation of The Spot from weak laughable villain to reality-bending monstrosity had me by the throat...and i can't wait to see more of him when the next Spider-Verse drops 👀 13. Mad Mod | Teen Titans

MAD. BLOODY. MOD!!!!! i think our favourite British bastard has to take the crown (literally and figuratively) as my strongest fixation out of the whole of 2023, i lost my mind over this guy. he just consumed my every waking thought!!! 🙈 the style, the voice, the unbelievable engineering skill...Mad Mod is one of those once-in-a-lifetime f/os that you know you'll be obsessed with for a very long time 😳💖 i look back so fondly on those wonderful few months of Mad Mod fandom resurgence, and how that still continues today...here's hoping even more people find out about him and develop their own crushes 😉 shout-out to the lovely @iriso-page who suggested him and Music Meister to me 🙈💖

14. Control Freak | Teen Titans

sdfgdf okay back on form with the fat dweebs, i know, i know!!!! my ravenous Mad Mod fixation wasn't enough to ignore Control Freak, one of the most delightfully stupid villains in Teen Titans...!!! he hits all my buttons (ha!) and i genuinely think his design and powers are kind of epic. would love to see him utilised in the future 😉 (i am never beating the Discord kitten allegations...) 15. Ken | Barbie

well, this particular blond himbo was quite the surprise!! 🤭💖 i'm not usually the one to go for such a stereotypical hottie, but Ryan Gosling plays Ken as so unhinged and...off for the whole movie, he activated the same neurons which come with the weirdest of my crushes 🙈💖 Ken's a misguided sweetheart and i'd love to help him feel a little bit wanted;;; 16. Buck Ruffler the Duck Shuffler | Toontown: Corporate Clash

fell into the wonderful world of Toontown: Corporate Clash and imprinted on this fucker like...well, like a baby duck 😂💖 is this not the most spectacular design for an original Cog you've ever seen?! i love that Buck is an absolutely scrambled robot with a gambling addiction, and i think he'd be lovely (and hilarious) company 🥰

17. Barnaby | Billie Bust Up

ohhhh yesssss Billie Bust Up caught my attention with this sinister goofball!!!! fancy, flamboyant and very into murder...Barnaby has all the traits for any Tumblr Sexyman, and i cannot wait for the full game to drop so we can see even more of him 👀

18. The Mad Hatter/Jervis Tetch | Batman

Jervis Tetch my beloved!! this has been the year of fancy blonds in top-hats, as well as deeply silly hypnotists, and Jervis kicked off this trend with a bang 🙈💖 i'm a Mad Hatter fan generally but B:TAS Jervis is a special kind of pretty stalker, and that voice is delicious 🥴 thanks to him for kicking off an Alice in Wonderland fixation and for finally getting me into drinking tea...the things we do for our crushes, eh? 🥰 19. Music Meister/Darius Chapel | Batman

and here is the first character played by Neil Patrick Harris who made it onto this year's list!!! 🙈💖 another camp, theatrical Batman villain to add to my collection...gorgeous voice, such an immense sense of style, and wonderfully good fun!! i think more people should get a little obsessed with the Music Meister 😉 20. Buggy the Clown | One Piece

none of you can judge me for this one - i remember all the TikTok edits!!! 😂💖 Buggy is pathetic and so much fun - i wasn't expecting to enjoy him as much as i did!! although my fixation for him may have been short-lived, my love for him certainly isn't 🥰 21. Pat Butcher | BBC Ghosts

ohhhh, every now and again a little sweetheart will get me right in the feelings, and Pat Butcher is added proudly to my f/o collection as the second Yorkshireman (next to Salad Fingers 😭). i just love what an upbeat, lovely man he is!! he's so soft and warm to everyone he meets and tries his best to do everything right by his friends...i'd love to cuddle with him 🥺 22. Josh Levy | The Eltingville Club

a classic return to form with Josh Levy, à la Comic Book Guy and Control Freak...really telling on myself by collecting these horrible greasy nerds who would 100% call me something derogatory if i tried to talk to them 💀 i appreciate every last one of The Eltingville Club but Josh, as a failed writer who remains just as toxic as he was when he was a teen, is my undisputed favourite 🙈💖 23. Swan | Phantom of the Paradise

oh God, reawakening my crush on Paul Williams by discovering Swan damn near killed me!!!! 😭💖 i was so obsessed with this man as a kid and the moment i saw him as Swan in POTP i felt intense attraction and gender envy in equal parts;;;; Swan's whole aesthetic and demeaning, inhuman approach to people is impossibly sensual, and i can't overstate enough how little evil dudes in tinted shades will always get me down bad 🙈💖 24. Kinger | The Amazing Digital Circus

my love for Kinger was such a pleasant surprise!! 🤭💖 sweet, anxious fella that he is, all i want to do is get him out of that digital hellscape and ensure he can wrap up in as many blankets as he likes!!! i love his always-on-the-edge-of-a-breakdown portrayal and am so eager to learn more about him and his backstory 👀 25. Peter Gregory | Silicon Valley

ahhh, kicking it the old-fashioned way by getting extremely invested in the most autistic character on the show (and that's saying something, given the high neurodivergent coding of everyone in Silicon Valley 🙈💖). Peter's style and methods of communication are traits i simply find attractive in real life, and although he sadly wasn't with us long, he absolutely stole the show ✨ 26. 'Action' Jack Barker | Silicon Valley

given my love of nerds it's no shocker that Silicon Valley hit me with two f/os, and 'Action' Jack Barker - the tech-field Colin Robinson - was a surefire entry 😳💖 what is it about these milquetoast men who are so whitebread yet are capable of such terrible things which gets me every time?! Jack is such a fun character and i'm glad we got as much of him as we did 🙈 27. Avery | Pokémon: Sword and Shield

i cannot believe none of you guys told me about Avery, the most amazingly dressed character i've ever seen in the whole of Pokémon 🙈💖 shhhh he is so very pretty and petty and his powers are incredibly cool. i just love everything about him and would delight in helping him develop a real sense of self-esteem, because he does not deserve the dismissal he receives from his family 😭💖 28. Matthew Patel | Scott Pilgrim

oh my God, heart in my MOUTH seeing Matthew Patel get the glow-up villain arc he so desperately deserved!!!!! 😭💖💖💖 Matthew is just the epitome of style and power in Scott Pilgrim Takes Off, and it was so fantastic getting to see him grow as a character and get self-actualised. plus his fight scenes were some of the coolest things i've ever seen. Matthew can i have your number please 🥺 29. The Toymaker | Doctor Who

!!!!!!!!!! i don't know if you guys can tell, but i really love the Toymaker...and even predicted that he'd completely consume my mind months before we got The Giggle 🙈💖 e v e r y t h i n g about him just gets me so bad. his reality-bending, his teasing attitude, his ridiculous accents, his gorgeous costumes, his emotional inconsistency, his tragic backstory...god, if i so much as look at him smiling i melt 🥴💖 characters played by Neil Patrick Harris really get me!! i'm so proud to be modding a server dedicated to the Toymaker now, and have met so many brilliant, wonderful friends through him and falling back into Doctor Who!!! i think we're all going to be brainrotting over him for quite some time 😉💖 30. Dr Mark Fry | Chicken Run: Dawn of the Nugget

Dr Fry, rushing in at the finish line!!! 🤭 the second my pals saw this guys they were all spamming me, begging me to watch Dawn of the Nugget!!! and ooooh i was noooot prepared for the specific brand of soft creepy genius he is 💖 even if they'd played Dr Fry purely as your run-of-the-mill mad scientist he would've gotten me bad, but they just had to make him equal parts freaky and brilliant with just a touch of arrogance, didn't they?? Melisha scored well 🤤 (also, three whole Yorkshiremen in my collection now!! is it the accent? 😭) aaaaand that's everyone!!! phew, is anyone else out of breath? 🥵 what a wonderful, silly year of fixations this has been 🤭💖 thank you all for being here, brainrotting happily alongside me for some of these characters, and for all the other characters you love!!! i hope 2024 is awesome to you, and that many more fictional characters are around the corner, ready to make you smile 😉

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files Collector’s Edition: Curated melforbes

Ahhh, the beautifully atmospheric works of @melforbes. When I think of this writer's work, scent comes to my mind, first-- the clear, cold salt of a spring beach, the buzzed and antiseptic smell of the hospital, the bubbling richness of home-cooked meals, the fear-sweat of anticipation and domestic secrets-- followed swiftly by the innumerable fics about Mulder and Scully living something approaching a normal life. What's not to love?

Loose chronological order below~

@melforbes/@claup/everydaymsr (Ao3, WBM)

Christmas: A Symphony of Four Years

S1: ""I got you something,” he said as she donned her coat in the basement-office, as she wondered just how much snow was falling outside.""

Snow, Late February

Cancer Arc: ""Though he’d originally offered to sit with her during her chemotherapy, she’d deflected and asked him to drive her home instead; while she sat in that dreadful ward with all the other dreadful people undergoing the same dreadful treatment as she, she didn’t want him to see her lurch with nausea, didn’t want him to watch as she kept her eyes downcast and away from the women who were far deeper into treatment than she was. Then again, were any of these people worse off than she was?"" 

seaglass blue

Cancer Arc, AU: ""As they leave the church, their hands clasped in a bashful and half-hidden way, aimlessly thanking the overheard congratulations as they walk down the front steps, he asks her, So where to now? And she’s quiet as she slows her pace, and she brings their clasped hands behind themselves, as if hiding from herself, as if almost embarrassed, but when he looks into her eyes, he understands the embarrassment, the strange vulnerability of really caring about something, about someone. She looks at him wide-eyed and grows tense because she knows that he will give her whatever she asks for....

She doesn’t know where he’ll sleep tonight. They’ve kissed exactly once, and in a church no less. She could ask him to take her to the moon, and unfortunately, he would say, Well, I know a guy who….

“The ocean,” she manages, the parish behind her echoing with sentiments that don’t make any sense. This is the most chaste wedding they’ve ever seen, she thinks, then feels as if the exact opposite of that statement is true. “I’d like to go to the ocean.""

anesis

Post Redux II: ""the room was dark as she pulled “new skin for the old ceremony” off of the shelf, and in the kitchen, there was a plate of warm cookies waiting for them, maggie’s little way of convincing mulder that he was welcome here even if bill was still in town, still celebrating his sister’s miraculous recovery, and still questioning how exactly she could have been saved. with the sky turning to an evening red, she took the record out of the sleeve, her hands as graceful and steady as a surgeon’s, and when she brought it onto the aging record player, she seemed practiced in her motions until she set the needle down midway through the first song, skipping the introduction altogether.""

Oponthoud

S5?""He couldn't read the little guidebook to the Van Gogh museum because it was all in Dutch, so he followed her aimlessly through the exhibits. A museum of the world, not just of the country, he knew this was, but unfortunately, the art was wasted on him. Though she fit in here, a well-dressed woman in black pants and a cowl-neck sweater that made her look, in his opinion, like a casual supermodel, he was an outcast, a guy with holes in his coat who was tugged around by the prettiest girl in the room.""

Anonymous said: cold, ocean, phonebook

Drive: ""As dusk settled over the Californian sea beyond her, she flipped through a phonebook, thought of keywords for what she wanted: milkshakes, family-owned, titled as Chuck’s Place or Beverly’s Diner or even The Greasy Spoon. Biting her lip in concentration, she counted the waves beyond her little payphone, measured time with them as she looked over all of the listed restaurants from here to San Francisco. Loleta was an odd combination of seaside and rustic, rich and unpopulated; if she wanted a diner, she would have to drive, and after that day, she didn’t want to be stuck behind a wheel any longer than was absolutely necessary.""

in the woods

S7: ""he sets a steaming mug on the coffee-table beside her, the scent of hot chocolate curling her lips up. last night, he made them rib-eyes with spinach and mashed potatoes, used that ridiculously expensive grass-fed butter and everything; she picks up the mug, takes a creamy sip, and decides that she can summarize this weekend with the word rich.""

DC Cherry Blossoms

S7: ""it was late april in 1999 when padgett - or, rather, whoever was involved with padgett - tried to steal her heart, and as he remembers finding her covered in blood on the floor of his apartment, his heart speeds up anxiously; that night, she asked him to take her home, asked him to walk her up to her apartment, asked if he wouldn’t mind spending the night, so of course, he spent the night.... by six in the morning, she finally spoke.

“mulder?” he could remember her saying, his surname breaking the heavy silence in her home.

he hummed a response, faced her in bed.

“when do the botanical gardens open?""

What happens when mulder tries to wake Scully up? Or vice versa

S7: ""the last time one of these mornings occurred, she left the house in a pajama top by accident and had to drive back to change. after living with her for years, he’s developed a way to cope with mornings like this, so he stands up, sets her tea down on their bureau, and comes back over to the bed. 

“scully, you need to get up,” he says with just a hint of glee; this is his last warning.""

Hesitation

S9, AU: ""though he wants to call out in search of her, he stays quiet, leaves the paper on the kitchen table, heads upstairs to see if will’s asleep. along the upstairs hallway, she hung pictures of him and his sister together along with her family’s various christmas cards of yore; though he thought looking at photographs of the dead would bring a darkness he disliked into their home, he pauses at the pictures, smiles softly at how bright samantha’s eyes had been.""

Unnamed

S9, AU: ""Softly, he grips onto Will, stands up slowly in hope that their son will stay asleep in his arms. “When have we ever been cranky in the morning?”

At that, she gives him a look, but the smile he returns makes her soften. 

“He read the first two pages all by himself,” Mulder beams, walking toward the stairs while Will sleeps against his chest; she follows him closely, trying to keep her footsteps quiet."" 

taking a pregnancy test

Post S9: ""then, she leaves quickly, heads toward the gas station quick-mart in front of them. as she walks away, she tries and fails to keep her gait confident; though she wants him to think she's indifferent, the sheer possibility of this has tears stinging her eyes. the terrible beauty of a second chance makes her feel as though the world isn't so bad anymore, as though they could live in peace together for the rest of their lives. though she knows she should feel empty from all that has been taken from her, the idea alone makes her feel whole. despite how she wishes she didn't, she wants this so badly with him."" 

19 please :)

Pre-IWTB: ""i like it,” he says through a mouthful; she stares up at the ceiling, her eyes softly transfixed on how white and unmoving such a thing can be. while they travelled, she stole and read a copy of american gods, could remember how shadow kept seeing little things that made him remember he was no longer in prison; the house keys, the car she bought in her own name using her own bank card, being able to order a pizza over the phone, the heady silence only known as home, they all came back to her with a frightening familiarity...""

where i live, it's snowing

Pre-IWTB: ""he could at least do the housework, keeping the sheets soft and clean, passing her a fresh towel as she stepped out of a steaming bath, washing the dishes even though he sorely despised the chore. however, no matter how educated he could grow in the ways of living far away from other people, there were some things that required more than just a manual saw and a geezer. 

“don’t call yourself a geezer,” she’d said while they’d watched their neighbors, outfitted with a chainsaw and young men’s naive muscles, chop the fallen tree from an environmental disruption to easily-burned wood.""

in the heat

Pre-IWTB: ""she pretends to stare at her watch, as though she were actually counting the minutes before he came out of the water; taking up a spot by her hips, daggoo sits on her towel, anticipating everything in a mirror-image of mulder himself. finally, she looks away from her watch, sucks her lips in as she says, “time’s up.”

then, his smile grows wider as he reaches down, takes off her sunglasses and leaves them on the towel; in swift motions, he picks her up, then throws her over his shoulder, walks straight for the water. as he starts to wade in, she can’t stop laughing.""

at night

Pre-IWTB: ""around eleven-thirty, something stirs him from sleep; groggily, he looks around for a cause, sees scully sitting up in bed. if it's passed eleven and scully isn't asleep, then there's a definitive reason, so he slowly sits up and joins her.""

having lunch

Pre-IWTB: ""the first thing she finds is a little sticky note, i love you! written on it in mulder’s handwriting."" 

sunday, 3am

Pre-IWTB: ""It’s okay,” he whispered, the bag of ice in his hand hovering before her, his brain buzzing in the overtired way he used to feel accustomed to. If his circadian rhythms were reliable, then he and his body estimated that three in the morning, maybe half past, had come and gone. A long time ago, she’d told him that keeping lights on from the nighttime hours of ten-to-ten harmed the brain’s ability to produce melatonin, but he figured that light would be the least of their worries tonight.""

downpour, early october

Pre-IWTB: ""his phone on speaker and left on the kitchen counter, he'd chopped vegetables for dinner while talking to her, his knife-cuts careful and slow. age had made his hands clumsy, as she so loved to point out when he got a little too cocky with his chopping. after last week's stitches incident, his thumb still intact but just barely, he wouldn't take any chances.""

saying "I love you" without saying anything at all

Pre-IWTB: ""...she’s stuck in stopped bumper-to-bumper traffic on the highway, her eyes closing in annoyance that an accident just had to occur after her bad day at work. thankfully, the guy ahead of her lets his brake-lights off; they’re finally moving. she sighs in thankfulness, but nonetheless, she knows it’s going to be a long drive home.

her purse is on the passenger’s seat, so she figures that reaching into it and taking her phone out so that she can call mulder is a good idea; she could dial his number in her sleep, so she barely has to look at the screen as she starts to make the call.""

at starbucks

Pre-IWTB: ""her drink always comes up first, and as she picks up the cup, she immediately takes off its lid, sighs at the sight of whipped cream on top. though she always makes it clear that she doesn’t want whipped cream, she’s rarely gotten a coffee without the dollop on top.""

Bubbles!

Post IWTB: ""she presses against the water with her hands, moves away from you while you look in between sea-fans and fire corals. though you’re thankful for the change, for the difference, you know these colors could never exist in the states, at least not in the part of the states where you both live, no matter how greatly you wish they would. out there, everything is grassy and earthy, the colors being those of mountains, canyons, freshwater lakes, but here, cold and warm fluorescents light up the strangely-blue water, and though you’re wearing goggles, the world comes through in perfectly clear technicolor. the fish are like pizza shop open signs, the reefs textured and endless, the sand flitted with pink flecks that shine out most when they’re stuck to her hands. after the bout of winter you’ve had in virginia, the warmth and vibrance of the maldives feel life-affirming, the combination acting as a brash awakening to the varying beauties of the world. you’re glad that your first true vacation together was to somewhere that feels like another planet.""

at the beach

Post IWTB: ""he'll call their order in eventually, but for now, he just wants to sit by the ocean and hold her warm hand. with the scent of the sea, the sound of her breathing, and the taste of sweet lemonade on his tongue, he feels relaxation deep in his bones. though he's always searched for life on other planets - and though this planet has recently given him reasons to look elsewhere based on the news - there are some parts of his life on this planet that leave him in joyful wonder, in awe of how beautiful and pure these pleasures feel.""

anabiosis

Post IWTB: ""...he stumbled over his shed pants and leaned too hard against her bedside table. at the time, she huffed a laugh, then ignored the piece of furniture altogether.

they only noticed that i was broken the next morning when she didn’t hear her alarm go off. though scully had remembered to clean out the fridge and take out the trash, she’d forgotten to empty the glass of water she kept on her bedside table, so when she stared down at the table, now a pile splintering and aged wood, she saw unrepairable cracks, a wet spot, and an unsalvageable clock."" 

How about if they try running together? Are they adorably frustrated with the height difference?

Post IWTB: ""though she invests in nice running clothes - most of them are incredibly expensive and from that one brand, something about lemons - he’s all about the cotton tee shirt and basketball shorts. however, this specific pair of basketball shorts has seen better days, probably ones sometime around 1995 or 1996. these shorts don’t stretch much anymore and have quite a bit of trouble staying up; she giggles under her breath whenever he has to pull them up.""

at a motel

Post IWTB: ""when he wakes, her side of the bed is empty, cold, and still a little damp; getting up, he looks through the sliding glass doors of their room, can just make out her red hair in the fog. her back to him, she stands just at the edge of the rocky beach beyond their motel, her gaze focused on the ocean. as pisces as can be, he smiles to himself as he puts on his shirt and shoes, then goes out to meet her.

they’re in new brunswick, but the weather and the surroundings still feel like maine, where they passed through in order to get here.""

beneath the stars

Post IWTB: ""we should install a skylight." 

"we can't install a skylight." 

"why not?" 

"because above us is the attic, not the roof. all we would get is a view of what we have stored up there."" 

coming home

Post IWTB: ""when she arrives home, her raincoat’s hood up to shield her from the unyielding downpour, he’s standing in the kitchen, a little cooking stain on his shirt; he stirs a large pot of soup, what he figures she’ll want after a long, cold day. as she steps out of her shoes - little duck-boots, too short to be worn in snow but the perfect height to wear when she needed to wear dress-slacks in the rain - and sheds her coat, he asks, “how was work?""

at chipotle

Post IWTB: ""he hovers behind her, both a step too far away and a step too close. as she’s complained before, these franchises are so loud, but they’re the healthiest fast-food she’s managed to find.""

at whole foods

Post IWTB: ""but scientists could’ve had their livelihood hinging on it, scully!” he says as she sighs but smiles, for she can’t take him into this store without having him notice something and go on and on about it until they’ve checked out. last time, he scrutinized over the bulk food section and how so many different varieties of the same-colored rice they had."" 

malneirophrenia

Post IWTB: ""she looks to him, then leaps down the porch-steps and races out into the grass.

she’s barefoot. she never goes barefoot.

as he always will, he follows her, his bare feet and aging heart protesting as he tries to catch up with her. though she’s tiny, she’s fast, faster than he can remember her being.""

having coffee

Post IWTB: ""she ducks into the shop, mulder at her heels as she closes the front door behind them; he retracts their umbrella, one that hardly kept them dry given the blustering winds outside. they came out here to damascus with the plan of hiking over the three-day weekend; however, the weather has had other ideas for them, has kept them holed up at an inn and reading in bed while the peak fall foliage rustles about outside.""

at the ballet

Post IWTB: ""he's not one for fine arts, particularly the modern or performance-based ones, but a month beforehand, she mentioned that she would love to take in a ballet, so here they are, him wearing a sport-coat and a tie she'd given him years beforehand, her wearing a little black dress and nude pumps.""

true minds (Ao3)

Post IWTB: ""There's..."

She paused, took a breath.

"I'd like to see something," she gave. "In the city."

"Are you asking me to go with you?"

She paused again.

"Yes," she gave, emphasis on the fricative, "but I'm not sure it's something you'd like to see."

"Is the ballet in town?" he half-joked.

"Meet me at the hospital as soon as you can?""

cioppino

Post IWTB: ""the flourless chocolate cake is settling in the fridge; the homemade gelato from that place she loves in town is milling about in the freezer; he baked fresh bread this morning, iced a bottle of sparkling cider just in case. now, he simply needs the cioppino to cooperate, and then, the night will be set, all of his variables taken care of; after that, all he needs to do is wait for her response.

he got the ring three days ago, claimed he was borrowing her car so that he could help an old lady from the library shovel her driveway.""

in sickness

Post IWTB: ""yesterday, scully came home with a cough, said that she must've picked something up from a kid in the emergency room; after calling in to say that she wouldn't be working the next day - she tended to play it safe when it came to sickness - she retired for the evening, her dinner being warm soup mulder made and served to her in bed; she was too thankful for the gesture than to complain that the vegetables weren't fully cooked. then, she mixed some honey and herbs - it was just a little cough, she swore, and all she needed was something to suppress it so that she could sleep - and went to bed with him alongside her. for hours, he knew she couldn't sleep, couldn't stop coughing long enough to let herself fall asleep. at one in the morning, he propped her up with some extra pillows, let her curl up next to him as she cringed against each cough.""

reazione

Post IWTB: ""for the nine hours they spent on a plane, he never once sought out entertainment. 

“and that’s a redox reaction,” scully explained over a series of inked and torn-up cocktail napkins, each advertising coca cola, deliziosa e rinfrescante in red text on one corner. “it involves a transfer of electrons, thus changing the oxidation number of the molecule.”

“so you lose or gain one?” mulder asked, the lighting above their economy-class - her insistence - seats sparse and dim, making him squint from behind his reading glasses.""  

on a bad day

Post Home Again: ""scully?” he asks, his voice softer than before, more aware. though he knows what day it is, he also knows that she’s best off when he doesn’t talk about it, when he lets her work and get through the day in whichever way she chooses. however, he cares deeply, sometimes to a fault, so now, he seems to see that there’s cause for concern. “are you alright?" 

then, she fully gives in to the sobs, hunches over on her desk, pushes that stupid salad out of the way. he can hear her - she knows that much for sure - but he stays silent nonetheless, waits for her to speak first. in between sobs, she wipes away tears, manages, "i miss my sister."" 

Love your stories! Please post one of your 'Scully is sick and Mulder takes care of her' fics...

Revival: ""doctors make the worst patients, scully told him once during their days working the x-files. there’s something about understanding what is wrong with you, he surmises, that makes enduring something like the flu all the more traumatic; though you may know exactly what is happening in your body, you still can’t stop it from happening.""

on his birthday

Revival: ""what’re you going to wish for?”

the reality is that there is nothing more he wants right now, nothing more he knows he can have. of course, he wishes for things like world peace and…he wishes things were never so dire or dark for either of them, summarizes all of those wishes with just that line. however, of the things he could wish for or want for his future, there is nothing, not when he has their life together. however, that’s all beside the point, so he asks, “don’t people usually sing before you blow out the candles?""

on sunday morning

Revival: ""when she wakes, he’s sitting up in bed, his book in hand, daggoo at his feet.

“good morning,” he says softly as soon as she stirs; while she looks up at him, he looks down, smiles a quiet, warm smile just for her. 

though she has woken up this way for many mornings now, has grown accustomed to sleeping next to him, there nonetheless remains an exquisite sense of peace within her whenever she wakes up next to him.""

Hi! I don't know if you want to do this prompt but MSR In a power outage. It just happened to me and for some reason I thought of your blog lol

Revival: ""how is it that chinese restaurants always have power when we don’t?” he asks as she sets their monopoly box on the kitchen table, nearly knocking over the container of shrimp fried rice in the process.

“must be fate,” she deadpans as she pulls the board out of the box, sets up the cash one the kitchen table; she’s memorized their starting amounts, always acts as banker when they play.""

feeding the dog

Revival: ""all i’m saying is that we’ve seen forbidden planet many, many times, but it’s been a long time since we watched something...”

she trails off as she takes the bag of dog food out of the pantry, takes the chip-clip from off of its rolled-over top. inside, there’s a scoop, and next to her on the counter is daggoo’s little bowl, one mulder bought and painted himself. light blue ceramic, white polka-dots, daggoo written in black print. it matches nothing else in the house.""

paleomnesia

Revival: ""i’ve told you this a million times over,” mulder insists with a lighthearted laugh. “plus, you were there too. no matter how many times i recount those events to you, they aren’t going to change, and your memory of them isn’t going to change.”

“i don’t want them to change,” she says softly....""

Thank you for reading~

Enjoy!

[chronologicalhomestuck]

karkat pov liveblog: part 7 (A5A2, part 2)

karkat has just fallen asleep. surely there will be no conflicts with the destruction of prospit.

he wakes up on prospit just in time to see it destroyed by a guy who sure looks like his old friend...and his dreamself is killed, throwing him into visions of horrorterrors like those that jade saw when her dreamself died in descend.

CGA: What CGA: What Did I Do FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG2] 600 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo. FCG2: OK. FCG2: EVERYTHING'S FINE I GUESS. CGA: What Happened FCG2: I PASSED OUT FOR ABOUT AN HOUR. FCG2: FUCKING EMBARRASSING. FCG2: YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MIND, YOU KNOW. CGA: Shithive Maggots You Mean FCG2: YEAH FCG2: IN A GOOD WAY THOUGH.

back on page 2567, another karkat joins the memo, having woken up.

and now we reach the walkaround. im turning ruffle back on so i can play!

...and it REALLY doesnt want to load past 12%. i feel like i remember it doing this last time i tried playing it. ok i give up, im gonna use the lets read homestuck dubs.

the opening of this game has karkat send messages on the memo that we have already seen--the lines i included earlier in this post! the only difference is that now the karkat listed in the log is PCG, since we are seeing him write this from his pov.

another hussie note, via the homestuck companion extension:

and im gonna reference dialogue from here so i dont have to rip it from the video by hand.

in > Talk To Terezi, karkat (indirectly) tells terezi about his horrorterror dream and then orders all prospit dreamers to stay awake.

in > Get lowdown from Terezi, terezi tells karkat that they discovered the humans.

im gonna be skipping conversations without a lot of interesting content in them, but i might revist them in future pov liveblogs!

oh nice, lets talk to kanaya

KARKAT: HEY I JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO YOU IN THE PAST. REMEMBER YOU WERE FUCKING AROUND WITH THE VOLCANO AND I PASSED OUT FOR AN HOUR? KANAYA: Vaguely KARKAT: THAT WAS NOW. HEY GUESS WHAT, NEW ORDERS. NO MORE IMPROMPTU AMPUTATIONS, OK? KANAYA: Impromptutations

impromptutations was funny ok. also this is a moment when i think the chronological pov makes things interesting.

KANAYA: I Did My Best To Clean Up The Blood Before You Woke Up KARKAT: THANKS FOR THAT. ALSO ANOTHER NEW ORDER. DON'T GO TO SLEEP. KANAYA: Dont Worry I Dont Really Want To Find Out What Happens If I Do

way to go girl. cleaning up the blood AND on top of this no-sleep plan? hell yeah!

KANAYA: Any Other Orders KANAYA: Such As Those Which Might Pertain To These Alien Children KARKAT: YEAH, MY ORDERS ARE THAT THEY'RE COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT, AND WHO CARES ABOUT THEM. KANAYA: How Are Those Orders KARKAT: BECAUSE I'M YOUR LEADER THAT'S HOW. KANAYA: They Are Not Irrelevant KARKAT: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT. KANAYA: Its A Bit Complicated KANAYA: But I Believe You Should Give Them A Closer Look Before You Decide What To Do About Them If Anything KANAYA: Perhaps Then An Especially Leaderly Speech Will Be In Order KARKAT: OK I DOUBT THAT BUT WHATEVER.

we continue to discuss the humans they discovered.

oh boy its vriska time!

KARKAT: HEY VRISKA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING. KARKAT: PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LET IT BE SOMETHING INCONSEQUENTIAL AND BENIGN. VRISKA: Karkat! Man, you were out for a long time. I have made so many plans for these humans while you were asleep. Do you know how many plans have 8een made?

we are really building up the plans to mess with these humans!

KARKAT: LOOK WHATEVER YOU'RE DOING, STOP. OR PUT IT ON PAUSE. CAN YOU PLEASE DO THAT? KARKAT: I WASN'T GOING TO BOTHER WITH THE HUMANS BUT NOW YOU'RE MAKING ME NERVOUS. JUST GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO LOOK INTO THIS MATTER, AND THEN I'LL BRIEF EVERYBODY. KARKAT: MAYBE WITH A SPEECH OR SOMETHING. CAN YOU DO THAT?

and karkat continues to hint at a leaderly speech.

he also discusses the "impromptutations" with equius (supplier of the robolegs) and tavros (sleeping, unwitting participant/victim/recipent)

he talks more about the humans with nepeta. wow all these other trolls really do fucking wanna talk to these humans which karkat could not give a crap about!

the face of a girl whose roleplay shenanigans have been enabled.

and now onto feferi:

FEFERI: Finally! So Karkat, w)(at was your dream like after you died? I )(ave been glubbing like crazy over )(ere wondering about it. KARKAT: I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT IT. JUST DON'T GO TO SLEEP. KARKAT: OH WAIT, YOU'RE A DERSE DREAMER, RIGHT? NEVER MIND, KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. LITERALLY.

karkat's orders only apply to prospit dreamers. if he actually mistook her for a prospit dreamer briefly, i wouldnt be surprised. i dont have a great handle on how moon assignments work and she has some prospit traits.

FEFERI: You look so nervous and pale. Were you scared of w)(at you saw? KARKAT: WHAT ABOUT NOT TALKING ABOUT IT DON'T YOU GET. FEFERI: T)(ere's no reason to be scared! T)(ey are not as terrible as t)(ey look. FEFERI: W)(en Derse is destroyed, I am going to go to sleep and prove it.

her actual plan for when shes asleep is to get the horrorterrors to create the dream bubbles so dreams wont be so scary!

aradia is up next.

ARADIA: have y0u decided t0 tr0ll them yet KARKAT: TROLL WHO? ARADIA: never mind ARADIA: lets pretend i didnt say that and lets als0 pretend it isnt inevitable

oh aradiabot. i love u so much but u rlly can be infuriating for people to talk to.

ARADIA: n0thing. its n0t like a decisi0n y0u are ab0ut t0 make will invariably lead t0 every pr0blem we have and will ever face as well as the great und0ing itself

if she didnt make me so sad i would find her really funny

ARADIA: actually i guess i c0uld kill y0u right n0w and st0p it all fr0m happening thus d00ming us all in an 0ffsh00t timeline ARADIA: i might c0nsider it if we all werent d00med anyway ARADIA: and if y0u werent my friend

even though as a robot, aradia is much more violent than godtier or pre-death aradia (remember how she beats vriska to death?), shes so...idk her nihilism loops all the way back around to being almost sweet :]

KARKAT: IF WE WEREN'T ALL ABOUT TO DIE, I'D DEDICATE OUR WHOLE TEAM TO FINDING A WAY TO BRING YOU BACK TO LIFE

i love it when its obvious that karkat cares so much about his friends despite his attitude.

SOLLUX: [...] iim not goiing two break down 2obbiing becau2e you pa22 out at the 2iight of a liittle blood, why dont you man up. KARKAT: HEY FUCK YOU, I TURN AROUND AND SEE A CRAZY GIRL WITH A CHAINSAW AND A TSUNAMI OF BROWN. IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK THAT WE NOT TURN OUR LITTLE HIDEOUT INTO A SLAUGHTERHOUSE?

foreshadowing much?

KARKAT: SO WHAT'S THE DEAL WITH THESE ALIENS, IS IT ANYTHING I SHOULD GIVE A SHIT ABOUT? SOLLUX: no not at all, theyre u2ele22 and uniintere2tiing liike iim 2ure you already gathered. SOLLUX: ii recommend we dont bother wiith them, though aradiia 2eem2 two thiink well all be iin each other2 2ponge2 iineviitably. SOLLUX: whatever, iim pretty commiitted two not haviing anythiing two do wiith them ever. KARKAT: GOOD, THAT'S WHAT I LIKE TO HEAR.

finally, karkat thinks. someone who agrees.

KARKAT: MAN, FUCK MY FUTURE MEMOS. SOLLUX: no way, theyre hiilariiou2, be2t thiing about haviing you a2 a leader hand2 down. KARKAT: FUCK THAT SENTIMENT, AND FUCK YOU, AND FUCK FUTURE ME.

youre getting calinguously freudian there, karkat...

oh cool, time for some ectobiology reminiscence.

maybe ill go back and add the ectobiology to an earlier post?

anyways, we are now back to normal conversations.

...which i will get to in another post because this one is already very long.

[sovonight]

the comprehensive xan x radri post! unlike their tag, everything here is categorized and sorted in nice chronological order 💖

last updated: 1 / 2 / 2024

— — —✧✧✧— — —

baldur’s gate i

— — —✧✧✧— — —

The Outline

—✧✧✧—

Xan: *sigh* Go ahead. Ask me why a mage carries a sword around.

Radri: Wh—what?

Xan: You were staring, and quite obviously. The sooner I satisfy your curiosity, the sooner we can direct our attention back to the dangers that surround us, so that we may endeavor to survive the day ahead.

Radri: O-oh, that's not why I... I'm sorry. It's a moonblade, isn't it? You don't need to explain.

Xan: So you are instead surprised that I so severely contradict the tales told of our people, for I do not sing songs and revel in the joys of life? *sigh* I've heard it all before, and I—

Radri: What? No! I'm sorry—I should just take my leave!

—

(In the early morning, at the inn.)

Radri, pleadingly: Imoennn, you know I need you to bargain with the shopkeeper for me!

Imoen: Bargain with 'em yourself. 'M sleeping.

Radri: Please, Imoen, no one else can do! You're so charming and peppy and disarming—

Imoen, pulling the covers back over her head: 'N exhausted! Jus' fork over the extra gold pieces, who cares.

(Radri steps out of the room, letting the door close behind her and falling back against it with a huff.)

Radri: Ugh! Really— (She freezes, realizing she's not alone in the hallway: Xan is there, mid-stride, just passing by.)

Xan: Is something wrong?

Radri, embarrassed, straightening immediately: No! Nothing. I—I'm headed to the store before everyone else wakes. Do you... need anything?

Xan: No; I have all I need, and an excess of supplies can just as readily doom a party as a lack of them. But shall I assist you?

—

(Xan glances over at Radri, who is very rigidly looking ahead, and sighs.)

Xan: I should not have said anything yesterday. It was presumptuous of me, and it is far worse to have your gaze avoid me entirely.

(Radri gives him a startled glance, then looks back away quickly.)

Radri: No, no—I'm sorry. It was rude of me. I'm just unused to being in the company of another elf... and a stranger.

Xan: You have known the others for a long time, then?

Radri: Oh, no. Imoen, sure, but I only met Jaheira and Khalid a couple weeks ago. But because they knew my father, they don't feel quite so much like strangers. Not to mention, one only has to nod through Jaheira's conversations to survive them... and Khalid does not ask more than pleasantries.

Xan: I see. Since I ask more than pleasantries, do I trouble you?

Radri, panicking: No! Not at all. It's refreshing, if anything. And really, I—I'm grateful for your help, I mean, to travel alongside a defender of Elvendom, is...

Xan, subdued: Do not think the moonblade makes me invincible, Radri. It is often more trouble than it is worth. And you should save your praise: I have not yet accomplished anything in service to you beyond placing myself in your debt.

(Radri glances over at him again, daring for the first time since Nashkel to actually catch a proper glimpse of his face: his expression is solemn, and his dark eyes are dull. The rest of the walk is spent in silence, until at last they reach the shop. Xan holds the door open for her.)

Xan: Imoen is usually the face of your transactions, I gather?

Radri, embarrassed: You heard all that earlier?

Xan: I can serve in her place, if you wish.

Radri: Oh—yes, thank you! Here, I have a list…

—✧✧✧—

Imoen: Radri... Radri! Whatcha doing, spacing out? You've gotta stir, or the stew's gonna burn!

Radri: Oh—sorry, Imoen.

Imoen: Really, if you'd had any chores back at ol' Puffgut's place, he woulda chewed you out already. What's on your mind, anyway?

(Radri's gaze drifts away from the cooking fire and back over to Xan, who's working on his spellbook alone. Imoen follows her line of sight, and looks back at her in apprehension.)

Imoen: Oh, no. Don't tell me you've let his attitude infect ya.

Radri: No, I… (She hesitates, wondering if she should share.) I walked with him in his memories, last night, of Evereska. It was so beautiful... his eyes shone as he spoke… but when we woke from reverie, it was all gone. Sharing his memories with me had only made things worse. And worse still, I didn't know what to say.

Imoen: I don't think even the best speaker on Faerun could brighten his day, Radri. Don't let it weigh on ya.

Radri: *sigh*...

Imoen: *gasp* He's already gotten to ya! Radri, quick, ya gotta smile—it's the only way!

Radri: Imoen, hold on—stop! I'm smiling, I'm smiling—the stew!

—✧✧✧—

Compounding Fluster [crossposted on ao3]

—✧✧✧—

Poor Substitute

—✧✧✧—

Special Treatment (skip the second one in the link, it comes later)

—✧✧✧—

Firewood

—✧✧✧—

By the Fire

—✧✧✧—

(Xan exits the inn with enough haste to send the lit lantern by the door frame swinging slightly on its hook. The lantern illuminates a quiet side street, and its light conveniently slants over the alcove in which Radri sits, quiet and curled up with a book, against the wall of the building. Radri looks up at his arrival; even from here, with a view only of the back of his head, she can gather that he's searching for something he lost.)

Radri: Xan? Are you looking for something?

Xan, turning quickly, relieved: Radri!

(In an instant, she recognizes that he was, in fact, searching for her. It’s a habit of hers to slip away—Imoen had assured Jaheira and Khalid of that, in the early days. Surely Xan had been met with the same exchange, and yet here he is. In a way, she can’t help but feel flattered.)

Xan: Why are you not inside with the others?

Radri: It's... a little loud inside. Too much noise…

(Now that she says it out loud, the reason sounds silly to her ears, but he doesn’t question it.)

Xan: I see. Still, I would feel better if you were not out here alone.

Radri, gesturing to the spot beside her: There's room for you, if you'd like. 

Xan: If a shadow in the night emerges to slit our throats, I will not have the awareness or the speed to protect you, I fear. But perhaps my death would grant you some time to escape…. Very well, if you will have me. 

(He joins her, and at this angle, catches the name of the book she's reading.)

Xan: The Dead Three? Of all the books that you have rifled through in search of spells and gold in our travels, I did not know you had deigned to take any one title with you. 

Radri: This was Firebead's reward; I couldn't bring myself to sell it.

(She returns her gaze to the book, and sighs.)

Radri: I don't know why I keep returning to it. I'm not even reading the words anymore. I know the story, I just…

(She hesitates; what lingers on her mind is something she has been unable to utter to the others, and that she has even avoided confronting in words herself. It is a fear, really, one that the others would surely attempt to talk her out of… but not Xan. Haltingly, she speaks.)

Radri: …Do you ever feel like you're standing on a precipice? …At the very edge of falling. And it's as if… the body knows what lies beyond the edge, and is pulled to meet it… but the mind holds it back.

(With her eyes gazing distantly through the book’s pages, Radri fails to catch the responding quiet, longing glance that Xan sends her way.)

Xan: ...Yes. (Then he looks away, disappointed in himself to admit,) I experience the sensation daily.

Radri: I fear it, I think, but there's no use in dread, nor anticipation. What waits for me is already here. And I… and I….

(Radri falls into silence, feeling a chill move up her neck; on the book's open pages, her hand has begun to tremble. She flips the book shut, and grips it closed tightly.)

Radri: But never mind. It's getting cold, and late, and I shouldn't keep you here any longer. Shall we go to bed?

(She stands, and offers her hand to him. Xan stares at her.)

Xan: To bed?

Radri, pink: Oh—I'm sorry. To reverie, I mean. (Her offered hand withdraws partially, subconsciously, as she reflects to herself,) Though I suppose after so many nights, you must long for quiet, too. N-never mind. I'll ask Imoen—

(She doesn’t want to be left alone tonight, and Imoen’s unconscious company is better than none. But then Xan, composed again, accepts her hand before her doubt can rescind it.)

Xan: No, let us go together. Though it can only be a temporary illusion, I find a peace of mind in our rest together.

Radri: Really? (She ducks her head, her gaze drawn to the comforting sight of their joined hands, a touch which has already begun to take the chill away.) I'm... I'm relieved that I have not yet imposed on your kindness.

Xan, distantly, to himself: "Kindness." I wonder if it is….

—✧✧✧—

[crossposted on ao3]

"Will you guide me?" Radri asks.

"Guide?" Xan echoes, then gestures around them with a shrug. "It is a standard estate. There is the entrance hall, the drawing room, the parlor—"

"I lived in Candlekeep, Xan," Radri says, "The structures of "standard" living spaces are not exactly known to me."

"You say this as though there are no tomes on floor plans and architecture—but, no, I see that they must have been too dry for you to grant them your attention," Xan says.

He sighs, and holds out his hand.

"Very well... I will give you the tour."

Her hand slips easily into his, and a familiar jolt of joy and disbelief flits through her heart, unchanging no matter how many times now she has taken his hand. Unlike in the waking world, where their clasped hands facilitate the link between their minds, here, the gesture holds no practical use. For how readily and naturally he offers, this must all be second nature to him—but somehow, she's unable to reconcile the image of his offered, open hand with the way that she has so often seen him draw his cloak tighter around himself, as though the fabric were a barrier that could close him off from the world.

As they walk, Xan speaks in his low and solemn tone, describing to her the history in these halls; in the portraits, and artifacts; in the people that walk past, the figures of memory, their faces bearing a dreamlike quality. Radri finds herself staring, turning to look at them as they pass, subconsciously slowing until Xan's hand on hers acts as a tug.

"Come," he says, "We have almost reached the garden." She notes that they are already leaving the interior after only having passed through the common areas—wherever the chambers may lie, they are above, or further within.

Scattered sunlight spills in through the windows, filtered by the leaves that rustle gently against the panes from the outside. Warm yellow and deep green tones, abstracted by the thickness of the glass, make the windows appear to glow from within. Ahead, a rectangle of sunlight marks the presence of a set of glass doors, and they pass through them to a veranda, where the greens and yellows of earlier burst into detail and bleed vibrancy into the air around them, filling their surroundings with color.

Here, her hand falls from his, and her feet take her ahead on their own. A path, lined with flowers, winds into the swaying shadows of the trees, and her steps slow in these shadows, falling easily into silence.

"Radri?" Xan calls, with some worry, to have seen her disappear—but Radri does not call back, her hand pressed to her silent smile. There is no danger here in the calm of the past; perhaps she will loop back and surprise him, or perhaps he will follow. There sounds a rustle of leaves, a dragging of fabric—yes, he will follow.

She keeps two steps ahead, and yet traces a rhythm that she remembers easily, a pattern that she had learned at Candlekeep. Its memorization had been inevitable seeing as, for years, she'd had only the same set of shadows to train in. It is no wonder, she thinks idly, that her skills had remained in plateau until she had left. Her eyes, half lidded, can make out the obstacles now: this path to silently round the hay bales... these steps to slip past the barrel... this way to reach the door, and with practice, open the door without a sound. To her surprise, her hand, outstretched in memory, finds a handle. It is not crafted in an elegant arc, like the ones inside the estate, but bent into the bold angles of a firm, humble bracket. A flash of dread passes through her, but it is too late: she pulls.

The man behind the door turns at her entry, and his eyes gleam in satisfaction and glee.

"Oh, goodie goodie!" He cries, "I've gone and found ye first! You are the ward of Gorion, no doubt?"

Her mouth works, but her voice is gone, stolen by the sensation that has numbed her and turned her legs to lead. 

"Not much of a talker, eh? I apologize for this sordid business, but I must have your head," he says, and advances upon her, bearing the tell-tale glint of a blade. With a vicious grin, he drives the dagger forward to meet her, and though her body tenses, knowing how to escape, she can't move—she can't move—

Her eyes shut tight, and a hand grasps her arm, pulling her sharply back. There is a clatter, followed by a heavy, dead thud, and she is spun around by her shoulder, as another hand comes to her cheek—trembling, light—Xan.

"Radri... Radri? Please... look at me."

But when she looks, she does not meet his eye; her gaze drawn away, cast back over her shoulder at the fallen man, who lies not dead, but unconscious.

"It is only a memory," Xan reminds her, drawing her away. The door closes, and they are back in the garden—but, her heart beating fast and high in her throat, she pulls away.

Away, away, and out of reverie. The night air is cold on her skin; her pillow is damp against the back of her neck; and her hand, clasped in Xan's, is nearly slick with sweat. Tugging herself free, Radri curls onto her side, moments before Xan gasps belatedly awake beside her.

She hears him shift, turning to her... then pause, silent, no doubt forming what he wants to say.

"Candlekeep," Radri says for him, cutting his unspoken question off before he can say it. "It happened in Candlekeep."

"I had thought that the first attempt on your life happened at the Friendly Arm," Xan says. "The others...."

"I never told them," Radri says, and her voice begins to tremble as her words spill out, "I—I mean, you saw it, what a... what a poor attempt, the... the man wasn't even armored, that—that dagger was all he had... what kind of leader would—would—"

"Would have frozen?" Xan says, quietly. "You were home, where you had been safe for decades, as long as you can remember. You were not prepared, and a moment of fear is nothing to be ashamed of."

"I can't have any moments of fear."

"Oh, but you should," Xan says. "I recommend it. No one is invincible, and the few true fearless are bound to foolhardiness and doomed to an early death."

Slowly, Radri lifts her head, gazing back at him. Her eyes are still damp with tears, but no pity shows in his; his gaze only softens, bearing relief. She wipes the tears from her face with the side of her hand, until Xan silently offers a handkerchief. He is quiet for another beat, and then,

"That day," he begins, slowly, "will you tell me what happened?"

She had thought that she had long swallowed the words, but now they rise, pressing against her closed lips. There is no magic at play, here; only time, and memory, and his quiet patience.

"He missed," she says. "The dagger, it... it only cuts me above the brow... and lands in the wood beside the door. He wrenches at it... there is an unruly nail, you see, Dreppin always did swear he would fix it... and though I have my opening, all I can do is stare. I had driven my blade into the hearts of countless illusions just earlier, but—but I'm too afraid to stab him. Then, I hear the wood crack, and I panic: I knock him out with a blow to the head."

Radri laughs, weak, and empty; Xan remains silent beside her.

"You know, the funny part is, I stepped back out into the sunlight and it was like nothing had happened. Parda asked, but... I thought that was it, so... I didn't say a thing. But then—but then—you have to guess," Radri says, feeling almost lightheaded, like something in the air has sent her mind spinning. Judging by the grave look on his face, she doesn't expect Xan to humor her—but he does.

"There was a second attempt," he says. "Just when you had thought it was safe again."

"You're right," Radri says, faintly, feeling strangely empty now. "I stabbed him that time... there was blood, on my new armor... surely Karan had seen it, and yet... I still couldn't say a word."

She falls silent, clutching the handkerchief in her hand, her eyes dry now, and her cheeks sticky with tears.

"I'm sorry," Radri says.

She ducks her head, unable to see the way Xan blinks from compassion into puzzlement, blindsided by her apology.

"For what?"

She doesn't know; she can't put it into words, knowing only that shame fills her chest. Shame, for being here in front of him—for craving his attention so deeply and totally when she has done nothing with it but worry him. Danger did not used to follow her; things did not happen to her. She had always been quiet, inconsequential, like a shadow in the halls.

"F—for," Radri begins, and then her hitched breath overtakes all other words, and she can only shake her head silently as she attempts to hide herself again.

Xan sighs. She curls in tighter on herself, sure that whatever he had seen in her has lost its luster now. Perhaps, if she had not accepted his offer of shared reverie, she would have been able to bear the facade for even just one day longer.

But then, fabric shifts, and instead of standing and walking away, he leans in, holding her.

It is a tentative embrace, and to some degree, it is awkward: she has brought her knees up to her chest, hunching in upon herself, so Xan is left to drape himself over the mountain she has made. His head tilts against hers, but it is held rigid, and leaves no weight upon her; and there is the slightest tremor in his fingers, whose touch is similarly feather-light, although they curl into the folds of her blanket, still draped around her. This balance is held for one frozen moment, until a sob escapes her, and whatever restraint he had had breaks, pulling his warmth and weight to her as though a new source of gravity had manifested in her chest.

"Forgive me," Xan says, quiet and low, "My arms can provide little comfort, but I am afraid that my words would provide even less."

She wants to speak; memories crowd in her chest, memories of Candlekeep, so unchanging across the decades that they all merge into a blur. She is the obedient child, quiet as she is told to be; the daughter of a storyteller, able to pluck the morals from any tale; the reader staring down at a thousand pages, for whom the world starts and ends between the covers of a book. She is an observer, nothing more. She is not seen. She is not seen.

And yet here she sits, painfully present in the real world, in the grounding weight of Xan's embrace. A great part of her wishes dearly again to hide—but a budding fraction feels nothing but sweet relief.

When at last she can exist again, she lifts her head, and Xan releases her immediately. She raises her gaze to meet his, and Xan looks pensively back at her, until he reaches out to tuck her hair back behind her ear. He places a kiss upon her forehead, and though fleeting, weightless, and gentle, with that kiss the last of whatever insecure words she'd held on her tongue are gone.

"The next watch is mine," Xan says, unfazed, as though he had not just turned some layer of her reality over. "If you wish, you can join me until you are ready to return to reverie."

He holds out his hand to her, and she takes it, allowing that familiar spark of elation dance through her fingers and up into her heart again.

—✧✧✧—

Friends

—✧✧✧—

Then I Shall Stay [crossposted on ao3]

—✧✧✧—

Newly Vulnerable (the second one in the link)

—✧✧✧—

Art Exchange

—✧✧✧—

First Impression / Attention

—✧✧✧—

United in Misery

—✧✧✧—

Waiting [crossposted on ao3]

(extra art)

—✧✧✧—

Recognition [crossposted on ao3]

—✧✧✧—

Stealthy Care

—✧✧✧—

Fever

—✧✧✧—

[Next is two versions of the same idea—I couldn’t pick one to throw out]

Radri: I think I've perfected my system—see? (She begins unfolding pages out of her journal, which each expand to a size larger than the journal's cover itself.) Map. Local maps. Open quest list. Closed quest list. Inventory—

(A regularly-sized page flutters out from the complicated arrangement; Xan retrieves it for her, then pauses.)

Xan: What is this ominous page of untitled dates?

Radri, freezing: Oh, um, a record of every... quail I have seen. I mark down the day.

Xan, raising a brow: I did not know you were a quail enthusiast.

Radri, quickly taking the page back: Well, we still have a lot to learn about each other.

—

(A quail passes by in the underbrush.)

Xan, flatly: Ah, there is another one. Will you mark it down?

(Radri, who’s about to reach unwillingly for her journal, pauses, then huffs.)

Radri: Fine! It's a record of every day that I have seen you smile! I am sick of marring it.

Xan, stunned: What? Why would you feel the need to conceal that?

Radri, annoyed: Because you'll say that I'm silly for keeping it, that we will all turn to dust, and that the work I put into recording these things is pointless because it is futile to preserve anything—a struggle which one would think I am intimately familiar with given that I spent my entire childhood in a giant archive.

Xan, fond: Oh, Estel'amin, even in your anger, your beauty is breathtaking to behold. Come here.

(Radri looks at him, and grows even more annoyed, though she still lets him gather her into his arms. Her face is now pink.)

Radri: I am still not marking down today.

—✧✧✧—

(Radri’s head rests against Xan’s shoulder as they rest together; he brushes absent-mindedly through her hair with his fingers, watching the way the last of the day’s sunlight plays across the strands, as they did so many nights ago.)

Xan: Do you remember that first night by the fire, when I arranged your hair?

Radri, eyes closed in contentment: Yes… it's a memory I used to revisit often. It was the first time I saw you smile.

Xan: I... I did?

Radri: You had this faraway, peaceful look on your face... I was unable to return to reverie for hours afterwards. I just kept picturing your smile when I closed my eyes.

Xan: A restlessness that I can relate to all too well. But... you spoke in the past tense, earlier. Is the recollection no longer to your liking?

Radri, defenses low, drifting off: It was a beautiful smile, but once I loved you I couldn't bear it anymore.

(The brushing stops.)

Xan: What do you mean?

Radri, realizing what she confessed: I-I mean… Well, I… My glimpse of it was clearly stolen, and it was not meant for me—you were no doubt recalling a memory. (She sits up, looking away, embarrassed.) When I began to wish dearly that you would look at me like that, I didn't want to see it anymore.

Xan: Well, it is fortunate that you now have memories to replace it, then.

Radri: ...

Xan: …Estel'amin, I know for a fact that I have smiled more with you than I have in the past four decades.

Radri: ...

Xan: *sigh* My beautiful, beautiful Radri, what doubts yet linger in your mind? What reason would I have to be false with you?

Radri: None.

Xan: None.

Radri, unable to contain it anymore: But sometimes, surely, you're just smiling at the beauty of nature around us! How could I presume to have factored into any part of that joy? I merely happen to be present.

Xan, dryly: Yes. Surely, you just “happen to be present” in all of the happiest memories of my life. Radri, there is coincidence, and then there is causation. You can believe me when I say that you are the cause.

Radri: ...

(Xan tilts her face towards his, leaning in to kiss her on the cheek.)

Xan: If the countless words I have spouted in our months together have not been enough to convince you, what shall I do to show you? (As he leaves his kiss, he catches sight of the welling tears in her eyes.) Oh, Estel'amin...

(Radri turns her face quickly away again, covering it with a hand.)

Radri: No—I'm not sad, just touched!

Xan: Your earlier laments are wasted on yourself; you should lend them to me, who seems only capable of making his beloved cry. Though, it gives me the opportunity to kiss away your tears. Shall I?

Radri, lowering the shield of her fingers a fraction to glance back at him disapprovingly: That sounds unpleasant and salty for you.

Xan: And yet I would readily perform the gesture. Do you glimpse now the depths of my devotion?

(As he waits for her acknowledgement, her eyes widen in surprise, and she forgets to shield herself entirely.)

Radri: Oh... you're smiling.

(In his own realization of it, the smile is gone in an instant—but the memory remains.)

—✧✧✧—

A Gift [crossposted on ao3]

—✧✧✧—

Radri: I used to dream of finding someone to share all that I am with. I still cannot believe that I've found you.

Xan, touched and blushing a little, hiding it quickly: I dare not ask if I am all that you dreamed of. —And yet, there are the words now, hanging irrevocably between us. Let me guess: you envisioned gallant knights, white horses?

Radri, laughing: Do you think I immersed myself in love stories? That would be Imoen, not me.

Radri: I… It may be silly to say, but… I couldn't bear them. They were other people's stories; there was no place there for me.

(Xan looks at her softly, understanding; embarrassed, she doesn't meet his eye.)

Radri: B-besides! Even when I dared dream, I could never have imagined you.

Xan, unsure if he should be flattered or insulted: …

Radri: I mean—! You're… so… you.

Xan, unimpressed: I am… so… "me". Surely, in another life, you could have been a wordsmith.

Radri: Agh, just give me a second!

Radri: You were… so… intimidating, to me. Speaking to you felt like walking on a tightrope. ...As a child, I imagined that I would feel instantly at ease. That no matter where I was, with this someone, I would feel a sense of belonging… like I could finally come to rest.

Xan: …

Radri: And that's you.

Xan, blindsided: Radri—you very clearly defined how that is not me.

Radri: Not in the beginning, but it is now. (She waves a hand to the side idly.) A lot had to happen, of course, which I could not have imagined as a child—but, anyway. What about you? (She leans into him, wearing a lighthearted smile.) Am I all you dreamed of?

Xan: If you must know, I dreamed of little; I felt early on that I would not be one to continue on the family line, and chose not to dwell on romance.

Xan: But…

Xan: You have been all that I dared not dream of, Estel'amin. In knowing you, I realize that I have starved myself, for a long, long time…

(He kisses her hair, and she accepts it shyly, too touched to say anything. Xan gives her silent, flushed face an amused look.)

Xan: No response? Ah, I must still intimidate you, I see. (Smoothly, he takes her hand.) Perhaps more exposure will help.

—✧✧✧—

Xan: Sigh…

(Xan glances over at Radri, who hasn't looked up from her journal.)

Xan: Sigh…

(Xan glances over at Radri, who still doesn't look up. Xan sighs for real.)

Xan: It used to be that you would look up at my every sign of distress. (Radri finally looks up at him, but Xan looks away) Oh, how I wish big, strong Radri would come here and comfort me…

Radri, laughing a little: Alright, I'm here. What is it that troubles you? A general malaise?

Xan, frowning a little: Is malaise not already general?

Radri: …

Radri, pulling away and cupping her hand around her ear: My apologies, my lord, but I'm getting another call, from Lady Adventure—

Xan: Wait—

Radri: And she doesn't mind if I don't look up my every word in a dictionary—

Xan: Radri! (He sighs and turns away, giving up) I should have known better than to ask for your attention.

Radri, with a little smile: Oh, but I just remembered that I prefer your company to hers, so I redirected her call.

Xan, feeling sorry for himself: If only that were true.

Radri, teasing: Is what I'm hearing a general malaise?

Xan, still too sorry for himself to meet her eye: It is something, alright.

Radri: Well, perhaps I can work my magic.

—✧✧✧—

Rational Grief Response

—✧✧✧—

Storyteller / Return to Candlekeep

—✧✧✧—

[The first rest after being freed from Candlekeep’s jail; they’re still underground.]

(Radri has hidden herself away in shadow; it’s only through their bond that Xan is able to find where she’s retreated away from the rest of the group. He can’t see her, but he knows she’s nearby.)

Xan: Estel'amin... Will you speak to me?

(For a moment, he fears that he’s mistaken, that she’s not here and that he is only speaking to dust and cobwebs—but at length, she responds.)

Radri: We have nothing to talk about.

(Her voice… he’s facing the wrong alcove. He turns, searching for her direction.)

Xan: You are displeased with me, and for good reason. What I said was uncouth and unwarranted, and it will never happen agai—

(She interrupts his apology, barely listening, her tone clipped and dismissive.)

Radri: You should return to the others. I want to be alone.

(This alcove. He’s sure of it… he thinks. Something is off about her tone of voice, and he realizes that it suggests she’s not angry at him. If not him, then….)

Xan: …I do not think you should be alone in a time like this.

(A bitter laugh—and a fortunate scrap of light hits the familiar crimson of her cloak. There she is, in the darkness: her back is turned to him, and her hair spills dark across her shoulders, which are hunched in on herself as she hugs her knees to her chest, her form made small and cut off from view in the shadow of a cracked pillar. He would like nothing more than to rush over and embrace her—but he waits.)

Radri: Why? Are you afraid that I will spontaneously burst murder and chaos into existence around me if I am left unsupervised?

Xan: Radri—

Radri: The prophecies are written, after all, and I have already been dragging trouble around with me since I stepped out of Candlekeep. All of these spells, these nightmares, and that damned book—I knew it, I knew something was wrong with me! (In the midst of her anger, something in her voice breaks, leaning into sorrow.) You saw it too—dread filled your eyes when you looked at me. And yet when I pleaded with you, you stayed. We sealed it all with a bond that must not break... oh, how deeply you must regret it now. I will never be anything more than an unwanted burden, shuffled between keepers—I am sick of this life!

(He feels for a moment like he’s looking into a mirror—not this lament, but another, though are they not in a way all the same story retold—and the sorry hatred and bitterness in her voice seep readily into his thoughts like an old, unwanted friend. For that moment, he feels it; in the next, he lets it go.)

Xan: Rage at me for my thoughtless words as you will, but do not malign our love. It is true that I once sought to leave you, but it was nothing but the act of a coward, so afraid of the thought of losing you that he believed he would rather live with a hole in his chest than stay and love you. Indeed I knew nothing, for now that I have known your love, nothing across all the Planes could ever convince me of abandoning you again. I have never regretted our bond, nor dreamed of breaking it.

Xan: And what of Gorion? Was he not a father to you—did he not love you as his child? You do yourself and his memory a grave disservice to speak of yourself this way!

(Radri, who had remained unmoving, flinches at his words then with a choked, muffled gasp of breath; he pales, pulling back, worried now that he has overstepped his bounds. And yet, still, he cannot bring himself to leave her entirely to her suffering.)

Xan: If you truly wish it, I will leave. But I fear I cannot believe your request if you do not face me and say it. Please, Estel'amin... will you look at me?

(His heartbeat, loud in his ears, keeps him from any internal estimate of the passage of time. A thought, persistent at the back of his mind, tells him to leave now before he ruins what he has with her any further—and yet he stays.)

(Her cloak slithers across ruined tile, and her form retreats fully behind the blocking pillar… and then she emerges, standing, facing him as he’d asked. Her expression is solemn, and her dark eyes are dull, though something in her gaze still glimmers.)

Radri: I wish I were nothing.

(It is not the truth, and he is relieved for that. He takes a cautious step towards her—and as though he had broken some sort of silent stand-off, Radri’s lip begins to quiver, and then she’s crying, her tears spilling freely down her face. She makes no move to wipe them away; and neither does he, really, because when he rushes to her, he holds her, pulling her to his chest and kissing her atop her head, uncaring of whatever cobwebs certainly cover them both.)

Xan: If you were nothing, how could I hold you? How could I kiss you?

(He kisses her again; she has made no move to hold him in return, but this is a fatigue he understands, and he holds her tightly enough for the both of them.)

Xan: It is painful, I know, but you are here, and my heart is with you—and so is that of your sister, and of your father's old friends, who have through your just leadership become your own. (After just the barest pause, he adds reluctantly,) And I suppose even Viconia must feel some tiny, miniscule shred of supportive, positive emotion somewhere in her heart for you, which is a miracle in itself.

(She is silent, but then,)

Radri: …You referred to her as my sister… Imoen will be overjoyed to hear this.

(It’s too early for her to jest in earnest, but he finds himself holding onto the unlikely hope anyway.)

Xan: Ah, of course, out of everything I have said, this is the one word that sticks. Does this bring a smug smile to your face? I will imagine that it does.

(Radri pulls away from his embrace, which he relaxes, but does not release entirely—nor does she make the full effort to leave. Instead, she gazes quietly at him, seemingly merely in want of the sight of his face. He appreciates the sight of hers in return, but while some life has returned to her endlessly deep eyes, sorrow still lies within. He runs a gentle thumb across her cheek, still stained with tears; he has never truly regretted his nature, but he comes close now.)

Xan, quiet: What should I do, Estel'amin? I am no use in lifting spirits without a spell; that craft has always eluded me. Shall we return to the others, who will surely do what I cannot?

(Rather than accept readily, she glances down and away.)

Radri: I'm... not ready to face them yet. Can you stay here with me... just one moment longer?

Xan: Then I will.

—✧✧✧—

Desire [crossposted on ao3]

—✧✧✧—

(In the early morning, in Baldur’s Gate. Radri rouses from her reverie, only to see Xan already packed for his journey, and making his final preparations before he is off.)

Radri: Were you going to leave without waking me?

(Xan turns to face her; his expression holds some disappointment, but also a resignation, and to a subtler degree, a quiet gratefulness.)

Xan: That was my intent, yes. Though I should have known that it would not be so easy to slip away from you undetected.

(He leaves his backpack on its chair, and sweeps back over to the bed, leaning down to lay a gentle kiss upon her forehead. Radri gazes up at him, still blinking away the last sensations of her reverie.)

Radri: But why?

Xan: Why? If you could see yourself now, you would understand why. It was hard enough to muster the will to pull away from your resting form, let alone resist the pull of your vulnerable, open gaze.

(She snags his sleeve as he begins to pull away.)

Radri: I will walk you to the city gates.

Xan: You will not. If I let you accompany me to the gates, the moment I step through them you will declare, “I will walk you to the next town,” and so it will continue until your next words are “I will walk you to Evereska.” No, I must hold you here, and hold firm.

(She's a little put out—he's got her dead to rights. Radri sits up, glancing about the room.)

Radri: You have everything? Spellbook, components, potions—?

Xan, dryly: Yes, you have provided me with enough health potions to outfit a full adventuring party, and I thank you for your confidence in me.

Radri: …Perhaps I should accompany you to the next town anyway.

(She moves to swing her feet over the edge of the bed, ready to get dressed—but Xan stops her with a firm, unamused gaze.)

Xan: Radri, what am I, a fresh-faced youth being sent on his first adventure? (He sighs, and sits at the edge of the bed, taking her hands in his.) I would like nothing more than to take you back to Evereska with me, but its gates are closed to you. Would you have me be so cruel as to force you to wait outside for me as though you were a stranger?

Radri: You could.

Xan: No. You are my hope, my world, and my soulmate. I could not. Besides, it is you who insisted so adamantly that I keep our relationship a secret—not that I planned on telling my superiors anything in the first place, since it is a personal matter. If we were seen together, the nature of our relationship would be known instantly.

Radri: How so?

Xan: Estel'amin, have you forgotten already how you have transformed me? I would need to study for a hundred years to conceal the love I have for you—and I have no desire to, for I would wish for the whole world to know.

Radri, red: Surely not the whole world.

Xan: Indeed, the whole world. Were this land not ripe with our enemies, I would shout it from the rooftops, and spell it out in the sky... but you have already begun to shrink away from me in terror, I see. Do not worry; I will be discretion itself.

Xan: So, are you satisfied with our farewells? May I take my leave now?

(Radri looks at him, and at the backpack on the chair, and at the ceiling and walls of the room that surround them—a room that, without him, will surely feel large, cold, and empty. She will not be alone after he is gone; the others are still here in the city, ready for adventure, wherever it may take them. Still, she feels as though she is about to return to the loneliness she had lived in in Candlekeep: surrounded by many, yet seen by none.)

(Xan, after waiting and watching throughout her silence, begins at last to pull away—but she holds on, one last time.)

Radri: Are you not going to kiss me?

(A deeply tortured look flashes through his dark eyes, which she recognizes now to be of the kind that he used to send her in their early months together. It spells a yearning for that which he believes he should not have—and before she can wonder what it is that he has forbidden himself this time, he leans in, kissing her. He lingers, tender, savoring the moment… as does she. As they part, at last, he gives a soft, gentle sigh.)

Xan: Now I will think of little else but the taste of your lips. You have ruined me, Estel'amin, and yet I carry your soul with me happily, with all the contentment of a man oblivious to or uncaring of death...

Xan: I promise, I will return to you as soon as I am able.

—✧✧✧—

Sad Influence

— — —✧✧✧— — —

baldur’s gate ii: soa

— — —✧✧✧— — —

Reunion

—✧✧✧—

Birthday Wish [partially crossposted on ao3]

—✧✧✧—

Promise [crossposted on ao3]

—✧✧✧—

Innate Evil

—✧✧✧—

Xan: Do you think your father would have approved of me?

Radri: Hm? My human father, or my divine father? Because from what I've read, Bhaal was a cruel and difficult god to impress, and you haven't the temperament for his methods of worship.

Xan: (shivers) No, and I am glad I do not. I meant Gorion, of course.

Radri: ...

Xan: ...You are giving it more consideration than I thought. Never mind, Radri—it was a foolish question, and perhaps I no longer wish to hear the answer.

Radri: I think he would have liked you. We shared a similar sense of humor; he would have enjoyed your jokes.

Xan: Yes, these famous jokes that I myself am not aware of. I see, so I would become a court jester to not just the princess, but the king, as well.

Radri: I think if you were a court jester, it would be to the king first, and to the princess second. —And did you just liken me to a princess?

Xan, red: A slip of the tongue, I am sure. Though given the abysmal attitudes of nobility in the human lands, you deserve far better than to be compared to—well, let us just move on so that I do not inflate your ego any further.

(Xan turns his gaze back to his spellbook, ready to return to their earlier comfortable silence—but Radri takes his hand in hers with a soft smile.)

Radri: You make me happy, Tahlimil. No matter what he might have thought of you... he would be glad for that.

(The corners of his lips rise slightly, in what has almost become a regular occurrence… then the smile falls.)

Xan: I... mentioned before, my dreams, where my parents disapprove of our relationship....

Xan: I think they would have their misgivings. Certainly about the way that I have thrown everything aside for you, like a lovesick fool... a fool that perhaps I am. I have left my career... left Evereska... and indeed, one could say I will begin to shirk my duty next, though I have not been struck dead yet.

Xan: But I think if they had the chance to know you, they... they...

Xan: *Sigh* Never mind. This is a pointless line of thought. I cannot imagine what they would think, and I will not see them again for an eternity, and that is only if I am lucky. I regret having brought it up.

(Radri gazes quietly at him, then tilts her head against his shoulder, the contact gentle and light. He does not tense, so she squeezes his hand lightly, pressing their palms together: for the briefest moment, some of what burdens him is shared with her.)

(He sighs again—not sharp this time, but soft—and he tilts his head against hers.)

—✧✧✧—

[A while after this exchange:

Xan: I wanted to enchant a ring for you, but this one overshadows everything I will ever be able to give you. How ironic that it comes from the Shadowmaster of Athkatla.

Radri: And how unfortunate that none of us can even wear it, our equipment being what it is. I would rather have your ring, instead.

Xan: A mere bauble will not protect your life, and I have no time to enchant it properly. Perhaps in the future... but no, I have distracted myself from what I wanted to say.]

Radri: I've been thinking about your ring.

Xan: My ring...? Ah, the one that has yet to be made.

Radri: But it already has, hasn’t it? You’ve carried a ring with you ever since you returned from Evereska.

Xan: You noticed? I can slip nothing past you, I see. But it is not complete, Estel'amin—as I alluded to before, it is unenchanted, and as such, it is yet nothing.

Radri: It is not nothing. Its current form is to its advantage: enchanted, it would have to compete with the other enchanted equipment I carry, but unenchanted, I can wear it always.

Radri: Even now, it would bring me courage—or, would you rather that it raise my sense of self-preservation, although as I keep trying to convince you, it is already appropriately high?

Radri: I... I suppose we speak so much of the future now, and of dreams of a quiet life, and when we’re so far from all of it, I’d feel one step closer to…. Oh, never mind. I feel like I’ve stolen a secret from you; I'm sorry, I won't mention it again.

(She looks away, out across the cityscape; in the sunset, even the slums district appears awash in glittering gold. Beside her, Xan remains quiet for a moment, then retrieves something from the pocket of his robes.)

Xan: This ring has been passed down in my House. Through trial and tribulation, and the endless march of time, its magics are gone, having long served their purpose; it holds only its history now. I carried it with me from Evereska thinking, perhaps, that I would give it new life—that when it was ready, I would present it to you in ceremony...

Xan: But perhaps I have been thinking too long.

Xan: Here. My ring, unfinished and unpresentable as it is. If it pleases you, even in such a state as this, it is yours—but I promise you, I will strive to make it worthy of you someday.

Radri, meeting his eye warmly as she accepts it: I love it, Tahlimil. It is already worthy.

Xan, embarrassed and relieved: Why does my mind insist on tormenting me with thoughts of your judgment, when my heart already knows what you will say? Though now that it is on your finger, perhaps it is time to let go of my frivolous dreams of holding a formal ceremony. We may as well just find a quiet spot in which to say our vows.

Radri: No, we must still have the ceremony. Because you wish for it, it must be so, and it will be grand and beautiful.

—

Radri: I lost it.

Xan: Lost what?

Radri: I lost it! Linvail's ring! I had already been thinking of getting rid of it since it only takes up space in my backpack, but—to not even be able to recoup the barest fraction of its value by bringing it to a shop?! Oh, I can't believe I—Xan?

(Radri looks up in time to see Xan shaking in silent laughter, which then bursts out in a full laugh.)

Xan: Of course! Of course, you would care so little about a ring powerful enough to belong to royalty that you let it be misplaced! What an absurd life it is we lead!

Xan: Meanwhile, mere trinkets are given the treatment of kings—even the blooms I had set upon your hair a year ago were kept carefully preserved in your journal, as though they were imbued with a lifetime's worth of magic and not merely painfully ordinary. Sentiment will not save your life, but you hold it dearer than the things that could.

Radri, half insulted: I think I strike an appropriate balance between sentiment and practicality.

Xan: Oh, Estel'amin, smooth the furrow in your brow; I do not laugh at you, but at myself. I see that even if I spent centuries in study, you would not love the ring I enchanted for you for its boons, but for my efforts. What pointless, pointless jealousies I bear…

(His rare mirth fades as he sobers once more.)

Xan: But I am sorry that the ring was lost—it was truly in a class of its own, and now you will earn nothing for it.

Radri, still in shock and awe of what she’s just witnessed: No, I... think in the end, it paid for itself.

—✧✧✧—

Dragon Slayer [crossposted on ao3]

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Just Friends (a direct redraw)

—✧✧✧— 

A Monster

—✧✧✧— 

The Graveyard Encounter (an outline of changes)

[At the inn, after Xan survives and Bodhi lies dead:]

Xan, at the tail end of asking Radri a question: ...What do you think?

(He turns to her, but Radri has her head down, and clearly hasn't been listening to him.)

Xan: Radri?

Radri, quiet: You nearly died.

Xan: I know. Admittedly, I am still shaken by the encounter. If it were not for you and my moonblade, I would have been transformed into something abhorrent... once again, you have my gratitude, Estel'amin.

(Xan seems content to leave it at that, but Radri isn't. She lifts her gaze to his, revealing the tears in her eyes.)

Radri: But it was so close.

Radri: If I hadn't formed a connection to your moonblade—If I hadn't asked the right question that day—

Radri: W-would you even have told me on your own? That it was possible? Or would you have kept silent, and died today?

Xan, worried by how shaken she looks: Radri... none of us are ever far from death. Though it may not look it, every day is like this one. Luck, coincidence, and sheer miracles save us—

Radri, firm, distraught: Our actions save us.

Radri: And today I could do nothing but watch—Don't you understand?

Radri: I-it's not like I couldn't get there fast enough.

Radri: I was right there—but it's like I was frozen again, and—

Radri: And I would've had to watch you die—

(Radri's voice breaks, her tears falling—and Xan, truly concerned now, goes to hold her)

Xan: You did act, Estel'amin. I could not have been saved without your will.

Radri: ....

Radri, unable to word the turmoil she's feeling, just repeating: It was too close.

Xan: I know.

(Radri just lets herself be held for a moment, instinctively searching for him through their bond again, but it's too faint for her to feel anything close to what she did in that moment in the graveyard, when the urgency of the moment had lended her a single-minded determination. She pulls away to look at him—the dusty shoulders of his robes, his combat-mussed hair, the fading scar on his cheek... his worried eyes. She'd caused that, by making a bigger deal of this than he had.)

Radri: Tahlimil?

Xan: Yes?

(She'd wanted to ask that he not leave her sight for the time being, but holds the words back.)

Radri: You... you were asking me something earlier, weren't you? I interrupted you.

(Xan can tell that's not what she wanted to say, but lets her change the subject—and knowing how affected she still is, he changes his question, too.)

Xan: I asked... if you wished to join me in the bath.

(The tub the Copper Coronet provides is barely big enough for one person to soak in, let alone two; Radri tries to communicate this, but in her current state, it comes out as:)

Radri, caught off guard, puzzled: I... but... the inn, it doesn't... what, take turns?

Xan, warm, amused at her sentence fragments: No, no. Would you believe that I discovered a bath house nearby? Far too late to enjoy after our escapades in the sewers, but perhaps it was waiting for when it would be most needed. There is a private room we can share. What do you think?

Radri: Oh. I... I think that sounds nice.

(Xan's small smile becomes relieved as he sees the tension in her shoulders already relax a fraction.)

Xan: Then follow me.

— — —✧✧✧— — —

baldur’s gate ii: tob

— — —✧✧✧— — —

World’s Saddest (Hypothetical) Chosen

—✧✧✧—  

Innate Evil, Self Accusation Edition

—✧✧✧—

[The TOB scene where Xan cooks her an omelette.]

(While Radri begins to eat, Xan just leans his chin on his hand, gazing contentedly at her.)

Xan: When this is over... when we have made our home... I would cook breakfast for you each morning.

Radri: I see you don't wish to suffer through my meager skills in the kitchen.

Xan: I could never find any aspect of my lady wanting, and your skills will grow with time. No, I would cook for you to love you.

(It’s been so long, and he’s said that he loves her so many times, that Radri imagines she should have developed at least some resistance to it by now—but she hasn’t. She blushes, touched.)

Radri: Are you not going to eat, too?

(Xan gazes dreamily at her blushing features, fully content.)

Xan: Oh, I have already been fed, and most heartily. If I had known even earlier the extent of what shy expressions you reveal in private...

(Radri blushes harder.)

Radri: Each day it becomes harder to believe that you are the same man who spent ten minutes gathering the words to ask if he could kiss me.

Xan: Ah, but I am not the same man. I am remade each time I wake and meet your eyes; each day I walk at your side; each night I rest my beating heart beside yours. I have been transformed a thousand times over, and wish to be again.

Radri, gathering him a forkful: I think you should be transformed by this omelette.

(Xan takes the bite from her fork, and his expression falls, disappointed.)

Xan: Oh... I do not think I added enough salt, after all.

—✧✧✧—

silly alternate universes

radri was raised “evil”

radri was raised in evereska

[get-back-homeward]

Guess what arrived this week!

I never buy reissues let alone preorder, but I had a hunch this set would be worth having, and I’m very happy with it. They look lovely together.

There's a nice little essay in each booklet that feels very appropriate for the times. You can read them here and here. If I had anything to complain about I'd say the CD sleeves are pretty risky. They're so tight, you gotta pinch them just right to get the CD out without scratching. I doubt I'm putting them back to their original spots. The spot behind the booklet is wide enough and will work fine as a substitute if you have single protective sleeves for each disc.

But all I really care about is the sound. And man, the sound knocks me out. Giles really outdid himself with these mixes. The only one I'd say I'm truly unhappy with is I Am The Walrus. The 2017 mix was fine to me, and messing with the ending seems silly, but it's easy enough to swap out. Out of 75 tracks, I expect a few to not be my favorite. It's more than worth it for the tracks that have clarified the sound and helped me to hear details I couldn't before.

The big changes are the additional songs, including George's songs and covers, and the 2023 mixes. With the backwards reissues, it's the Red Album that has the most new mixes here. They really surpass my expectations. This is the best I've ever heard their 1963 songs. Disc 1 adds I Saw Her Standing There, Twist and Shout, Roll Over Beethoven, This Boy, You Really Got a Hold On Me, and You Can't Do That. Disc 2 adds If I Needed Someone, Taxman, Got to Get You Into My Life, I'm Only Sleeping, Here There and Everywhere, and Tomorrow Never Knows. I have no qualms with any of them, they all feel like they belong here.

The biggest advantage of these newest mixes is the space between parts. It helps to hear Ringo's drums and percussion better in one part and George's guitar in another, hear Paul's bass here and harmonies there. I don't find any of the mixes too drastic save Walrus but together they really elevate the listening experience.

I found myself flagging John's songs as sounding best, and I think that may be a function of hearing more of the layers underneath along with the clarified vocals. Some of his harmonies with Paul just sound exceptionally good with this new tech. Norwegian Wood is a standout, as is Ticket to Ride. Norwegian Wood seems to push John's vocals further to the front instead of getting masked by the acoustic. The three-part harmonies sound divine on This Boy and Nowhere Man. I've seen criticism about the space changing the magic of the Rubber Soul tracks. If you don't like it, it's easy enough to swap out, but I didn't really have a problem with it.

On the Blue Album, of the five new mixes, Magical Mystery Tour and Hey Bulldog stand out best. It's actually kinda embarrassing how much I was missing from MMT before. I felt halfway through like I was listening to a brand new song. My one quibble is the strange placement of Hey Bulldog. It expected it to follow Lady Madonna on Disc 1 for roughly chronological order but instead it's between Blackbird and Get Back on Disc 2. I guess they were going by order of original release instead of recording date order used in the Anthology. But it was the one place the order threw me for a loop.

Placing Now and Then at the end of this hefty 75 track list is a controversial choice perhaps, but I think it bears the weight of the legacy well. Particularly because it's following The Long & Winding Road, which ends on Paul's plea: Don't leave me waiting here Lead me to your door

Now and Then starts with John's confession: I know it's true It's all because of you And if I make it through It's all because of you

It feels like a continuation of a conversation. An answer.

Paul's lyrical input is small but powerful, adding "will" and "always" to add certainty to John's cool now and then I miss you. Two lines were incomplete and required that Paul finish them. The completed line packs a punch: I want you to be there for me Always to return to me

This is officially the last Lennon-McCartney lyric, constructed across decades. But it doesn't feel like an ending, only a completed circle. Perhaps because this ending so seamlessly loops back to the beginning again: Love love me do You know I love you I'll always be true So plea-ee-ee-ease Love me do

And I guess if you want to go further: I'll do anything for you Anything you want me to If you'll be true to me

You can find bits across the track list that link as well: Now and then I feel so insecure Know that I just need you like I never done before

I’ll get to you somehow/until I do I’m telling you so you’ll understand

Life is very short and there’s no time for fussing and fighting my friend

Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before I know I’ll often stop and think about them

To lead a better life I need my love to be here

Had you gone you knew in time we’d meet again for I had told you

Knowing that love is to share, each one believing that love never dies

Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns and calls me on and on across the universe

It leaves me with an abundance of multiverse AU feels in the vein of Everything Everywhere All At Once.

Maybe there is something out there, some new discovery, that will make us feel like even smaller pieces of shit. Something that explains why you still went looking for me, through all of this noise. And why, no matter what, I still want to be here with you. I will always want to be here with you.

I would just like to say, in another life, I would have really liked just doing laundry and taxes with you.

We live in the world they chose music and fame, and the songs they leave us with is their legacy and our gift.

The press for these releases has been a mess. But the BBC Eras series on The Beatles ends on two quotes that been stuck in my head all week:

It’s the last song that my dad and Paul and George and Ringo will get to make together. You know, even though it took a long time, it feels very synchronous that the lyric speaks about time and that it’s taken so much time and that it sort of fuses the past and present. It's like a time capsule. And it all feels very meant to be or fated or something. In the nicest sense. —Sean Lennon

When I remember the Beatles, I remember the joy. The talent. The humor. The love. And I think if people remembered us for that, for those things, I’d be very happy. —Paul McCartney

Full circle, indeed.

[black-bentley]

Writing patterns tag game

I was tagged by @renaultphile :D

Rules: list the first line of your last 10 (posted) fics, and see if there's a pattern.

I can tell this is probably going to be embarrassing before I even start. In chronological order, starting with the newest (and including Smut4Biggles fills that aren't on AO3)...

Ginger had seen Algy play countless times, at his beloved old upright in the flat at Mount Street, and the battered, badly-tuned mess piano at Rawlham; everything from classical pieces to popular music and, of course, the ubiquitous wartime drinking songs. 

It was a long moment before they carefully pulled apart, and Algy drank in the sight of Ginger with nothing short of awe.

The flesh was purpling and tender, glaringly ugly even in the lamplight; the bruise he could cover, but there was simply nothing to be done about the swelling.

Edwin Carlisle was possibly the most odious man Ginger had ever encountered.

"I'll finish up here," said Biggles, as he and Algy loaded the last box into the Vandal's cargo space.

Algy couldn't move. 

Ginger had managed to see Algy twice since he left for India.

"Where's Ginger?" Algy asked.

Biggles shifted slightly on the hard chair.

Biggles was just straightening up from checking the chocks at his machine's wheels when a rough hand caught him by the front of his tunic and shoved him back against the Camel's fuselage.

Ok those actually aren't as similar as I expected them to be, and astonishingly a whole 3 of those are NOT Algy/Ginger fics /o\ One of them isn't even a Biggles fic! I am as surprised as anyone else.

Tagging @philomytha, @sweetsorcery, @dotsayers and anyone else who'd like to join in :)

[fujouppy]

explaining every song on my ngro playlist cause im bored as fuck yayyy . feel free to ignore the shit out of this post as it is Nothing

keep in mind this is supposed to be listened to in the order i put the songs in 👍 its like Chronological and shit. its their road to world cup...........

enter goddess by nigel godrich (from the scott pilgrim vs the world soundtrack) - i wanted to have an instrumental track on this playlist so that i could feel superior to others. i dont really have any like Deep Analysis of the song itself locked and loaded rn but the title reminds me of how both nagis and reos lives were literally Nothing before the other showed up. like yeah sure reo had like. being rich? and nagi had Video Game but. you know what i mean uve read the manga too. ALSO this is like such a nagi pov song to me... reo just thought nagi was a little freak that could be good at soccer maybe but i truly do believe nagi fell in love right then and there on those stairs <- no he didnt

harness your hopes - b-side by pavement - well this song to me is a whole lot of words so i dont have much to say. but like reo sure as hell kinda did harness his hopes on just one person. so yeah.

scott pilgrim by plumtree - so many scott pilgrim songs at the beginning of this playlist this is so embarrassing i have watched one movie. its a little bit nagi pov to me. i think hes down horrendous for jeff bezos jr.

you belong to no-one (but i belong to you) by dead slow hoot - well i know nobody is forcing me to write this post but like i dont want to explain this one . it fits!

there is a light that never goes out by the smiths - reminded me of nagis dont die before i do bullshit. i think he would be so down to die by reos side like he really would not mind getting hit by that double decker bus. also the lines about home (in the context of ngro. and just overall when listening to this song outside of my yaoi playlist) make me crazy?

by your side by beachwood sparks - their promise to stay together............ i will kill msyelf\

drain you by nirvana - im honestly not sure about the placement of this song. it definitely reminds me of them so i dont wanna delete it but. augh. but yeah theyre both so normal about each other & im sure staying together forever would do them wonders

lounge act by nirvana - every nirvana song on this brain turn off . anyway Bye Reo

i guess by mitski - the lets meet again beyond our dreams panels sound like this

i just threw out the love of my dreams by weezer - reo breakup blues . its a weezer song i dont wanna talk about it

why didnt you stop me by mitski - moreee reo breakup blues. this one doesnt exactly fit but im so used to it being here going straight from i just threw out the love of my dreams to the next one on this list would sent me into cardiac arrest

ill see you when were both not so emotional by american football - haha i put a midwest emo (dont talk to me about is american football midwest emo discourse) song on this playlist. do the nagireo (taylors version) playlist havers even know what midwest emo is? no the fuck they dont. i am better than them. anyway read the lyrics and Trust Me on this one okay? trust is very important in a relationship.

goodbye my danish sweetheart by mitski - listen either you are a teenage girl who had what reo thought happened to him happen to you irl at the same time you first got into this manga and you Get It or youre Not and you Dont. simple as that. support group for girls who are like reo mikage if reo mikage was worse and also not rich

drunk walk home by mitski - i really wish i could images in this post without fucking up my formatting. anyway google "episode nagi im not your toy reo panel"

running up that hill by kate bush (car seat headrest cover) - well i mean . they do not fucking Get one another. so. csh cover cause theyre sad teenage fa[i am dragged off stage] [I CAN RECLAIM BTW]

pantyhose by tv girl - i am thinking about nagis gloves. he got them from reo... did you guys know that...... and i mean they were divorced as fuck during the u20 game......... i am going to jump i am not kidding i Will do it

tommys party by peach pit - blue lock fandom heaven is nagi seishiro hell its a very efficient system. shibuya mustve been great for nagi . like hi reo has new friends now and hes hanging out w them and having fun. talking about stocks and shit (desperately checking his phone to see if nagi has texted him but its not like nagi knows this)

creatures in heaven by glass animals - i miss my wife choki. i miss her a lot

pork soda by glass animals - early manshine... before the basmun game... wahhh wah waahh

pink in the night by mitski - can i try again try again try again and again and again and again and again and again and again. i need you reo.

i want you by mitski - reo pov of this ^ whole event. kinda. it Kinda fits i rly ran out of manshine songs...

breed by nirvana - i see a lot of people say that kurt cobain described this song as being about marrying you high school sweetheart at 18 and having a baby and fucking hating it in an interview somewhere but i cannot find a solid source for that. even if he Did Not Fucking Say That i still like this interpretation of the song so its what im running with. basically um their current relationship is Not Good? so unless they improve (begging reo to give you some new heat does not count as improving nagi. telling nagi that you have a play also doesn not count as improving reo.) im trapping them in married at 18 jail. ill move this song to a different part of the playlist if they stop sucking sometime soon but for now its staying here.

✌

[mr-nauseam]

What is the chronological order of bad ending series? Sorry if it's a dumb question but I want to read works from this series chronologically and I'm not sure if the order of the series on ao3 is like that

Hi. First of all vicó and I are very happy that you have interest in reading our au 🤗, I hope you have a good time with our fanfics and I don't think it's a dumb question!!

I would say that the order of the series in ao3 is mostly chronological but still is a bit messy so I'm telling you the exact order☝️

.

Bad Ending Au

The long road that Sejanus Plinth walk to be the ideal husband of President Snow.

or: Snowjanus are trapped in the most dysfunctional marriage.

.

Before we start I would like to clarify that vicó and I are still writing from this au, we still have many stories to tell so it's a work in progress, which is still being updated.

So about the 13 works that currently are on the series in ao3

Chronology

. . .

1. I thought you were my saviour

On a snowy day Sejanus wanders around depressed until he crosses paths with Coriolanus in his embarrassing attempt to babysit two adorable children

2. Washing Machine Heart

Festus has to put up with Coriolanus trying to gaslight the entire academy

___

Both stories are mainly about the academy era

3. Tongues and Teeth

Coriolanus Snow's life is falling apart. He has lost the Snow ancestral home. Sejanus helps him pretend to be rich and his Grandma'am with dementia keeps calling him Crassus every time she sees him.

4. the positive

somehow, sejanus' week started with some nausea and ended with his father yelling at him in his office.

___

One of the most plotwise stories we have. Here we talk about the life of snowjanus post the 10th games.

5. déjà vu

casca highbottom sees sejanus plinth, now married to coriolanus snow, for the first time after graduation. he can't help but be disturbed at the feeling that he has seen this before.

6. Sleepwalker

Coriolanus suffers from sleep paralysis and Sejanus helps him to endure the night.

7. if you need to be mean, be mean to me

sejanus moved with coriolanus to the snow's apartment at the corso. he has to deal with coriolanus' cruel grandmother and her unpredictable behavior that seems to only get worse by the day.

8. Me and my husband

Sejanus who carries the child of Coriolanus Snow, his beloved husband realizes at the worst moment how similar his life looks to that of his mother.

___

Stories that happen as a result of the end of Tongues and Teeth. All are set after the wedding of snowjanus and tell about the beginning of their marriage - 1st pregnancy of Sejanus.

if you need to be mean, be mean to me. Its other of the most plotwise stories we have.

9. She knows (Tigris Pov)

10. Baby Shower

___

Scenes you can find in Broken pieces: from me, from you - A compilation of loose scenes, these two belonging to this era.

11. District Whore

Coriolanus fucks Sejanus, his husband in the bed of his dead grandmother.

12. He don't love you anymore (fight)

You can find it on Broken pieces: from me, from you.

___

Stories set before the 1st divorce attempt

13. I wanna be yours

Every dysfunctional marriage has divorce attempts. Coriolanus and Sejanus are no exception.

Here is how they come back together.

___

A story set during their divorce era

14. my boy only breaks his favorite toys

coriolanus is going through a re-election campaign, and of course, this also meant subjecting his lovely husband to endless photo sessions for promotional ads. codependency is a funny thing. while sejanus wanted to kill his husband, he also just wanted to make sure he wouldn't leave him anymore.

15. julius snow's list

julius' pa is going to have a second child. he wants to do his best to help him and, with the help of his friends, he makes a list about it. but there's something wrong. did his friends lie to him?

___

Stories that tell of Sejanus's 2nd pregnancy and explore a little more about how fucked up the snowjanus marriage is by that time. Both are very plotwise.

. . .

And that's all for now. Thank you for your ask 🤗🤗

Pd: Oh and please read the tags of each fic in ao3 carefully. The vast majority of these works are hurt no comfort, angst and there is mpreg in there.

[dmagedgoods]

For the PWOTR fanfic writer ask game! #2, #3, #8, #17

2. Companions: your OC’s favorite person to torment? The kinky or the non-kinky answer? 😏 Ah damn, it may be Daeran either way. Salvadore enjoyed it tremendously in the beginning when Daeran had no choice but to stay – mostly because he would still have this annoying, intriguing aasimar at his side, but also to see him in this new situation and struggle with it. Quite often, he takes pleasure from having him suffer just a tiny bit: by teasing him, by giving him a duty here and there he doesn’t fully like, by finding out if he has the potential to get embarrassed too … Well, since that’s not a fully platonic pleasure and we are in the slightly kinky department now: During certain games, he likes it to withhold things from him for a while he truly likes and wants or needs. No, not just the obvious but also small treats, delicious food, warmth, comfort … It's especially nice because Daeran isn't used to wait for satisfaction. To have him show patience or work for it makes it all the sweeter to give it to him eventually and see the desperation and eagerness with which he takes it. Am I going straight to horny jail again? If the question means torment in a non-gentle and non-loving way: Salvadore has a habit of toying with people should they make the mistake of irritating him. Lady Konomi is not a companion but the one out of the in-game characters who gets that treatment from him. He is very good with words, better than the game allows him to be with most answers, sadly, and he absolutely challenges her on her political views and knowledge all the time and twists it in ways to make her look like a fool (in cases when she doesn’t manage to do that on her own already). 3. Companions: your OC’s platonic best friend? You saw my musings about Regill and Woljif here already. 😊 8. First thing your OC did after closing the Worldwound? And my musings about bathing of course: Here. 17. Your OC’s high point? Oh, he had a few of those. I’ll list them in chronological order again: 1) He was appointed Knight Commander. Yes, Galfrey didn’t know him and it was a ridiculous, irresponsible decision to give a stranger such influence. Still, for some reason her foolish idea led her to the very right person – or that's his opinion of course. He was determined and thrilled to use this chance after all those experiences of running against walls every time he tried to make a difference. 2) Drezen became his city to rule and shape. 3) He realized that those powers, originally coming from the Abyss, were turned into something closer to heaven by his own strength and decided that no one would take them from him. 4) Daeran opened up to him and confessed his love for him in a deeply emotional way. 5) Daeran proposed to him. 6) Deskari, a demon lord, stepped back from him in fear of what he was able to do. He killed him and returned to Drezen victorious, now free from the threat of the world wound too and to actually build his kingdom.

[tsukimefuku]

The morning after is still last night

After last night, you and Higuruma share a brief pillow talk.

Tags: Jujutsu Kaisen, mentions of sex, Higuruma x f!reader, this is fluff.

WC: 800

This is part of my "Jujutsu Partners Canon Divergence AU", a sequence of short stories and random drabbles for a Nanami x f!reader x Higuruma fanfic I'll eventually write (eventually). This is the sequence to "The man who played with fire", link here. To see the ever-growing list of one-shots, please visit my masterlist :)

Disclaimer: they’re NOT written and posted in chronological order of events. To see where this story fits in the timeline, please check the masterlist mentioned above.

Higuruma was awakened by the faint stream of light that bled through the curtains and projected onto his face delicately. He was coming to his senses slowly, and realized he was still naked under the bedsheets. Looking by his side, he saw you laying down with your back facing him. He smiled discreetly, realizing you had spent the night — Higuruma was unsure if you’d do so, given you were prone to avoidance, overall.

Examining your back solely with his eyes, he noticed a prominent scar right in the middle, over your spine. It was oval-shaped, and it extended in a straight line to the right side of your back, stopping abruptly. It seemed to have been done by a blade of some sort. Before he realized, his fingers were caressing over it, pulling you gently awake.

“Hey,” you cooed, rolling on your side to face him, “good morning.”

“Good morning.” Higuruma answered, gazing at you before putting his hand over your cheek. “It seems you slept here.”

You smiled at him, putting your hand over his. “I didn’t feel like going back home in the middle of the night.” You also wanted to spend some more time with Higuruma, but spared that detail. You were starting to feel somewhat guilty, like you had used him the night prior. No need to dig this deeper, you thought.

“I’m glad you stayed. I wish I had something to offer for breakfast, but I’m not the great domestic type of person. There isn’t anything in my fridge other than yesterday’s beer.” He answered, blatantly not embarrassed at all.

You chuckled lightly. “There might be an old lemon half. You never know, Higuruma.”

His expression became slightly saddened. “I know the sun is already out, but last night isn’t over until we’re out of bed.”

You dragged your body towards his, stopping a few inches apart, and looked him in the eyes. His gaze was lovely, and you were both nearly whispering, as if to keep the fragile little bubble of this moment intact. “Okay, Hiromi.”

Higuruma instantly smiled, and closed the gap between the two of you, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. “That’s more like it.”

You put your thumb on his chin and guided his face to look at you, sighing deeply. “I can’t stay. And I don’t think we should do this again.” You felt like you’d be only using him, even if you had a thing for Higuruma. You just failed to realize just how deep that “thing” was becoming.

He sighed back, because he realized you were doing that again. Fleeing to avoid touching on sensitive subjects. “I know you can’t stay, but I’d like to discuss that second part before you left.”

“What do you want to discuss?”

“I want to know why we shouldn’t have sex again.” He was a pretty straightforward and honest kind of guy, even if it meant saying the uncomfortable unsaid most of the time.

“Well, I feel like I’d be using you for self satisfaction, and I think you’re a friend I wouldn’t want to drive away by treating you like man candy.” You replied, earnestly.

“Then don’t.” He answered. “Treat me like man candy, I mean. Except if I ask for it.”

You chuckled and covered your face at his antics. “Hiromi, oh my God.”

“I mean it! We’re adults, and the lifespan of a jujutsu sorcerer isn’t that long from what I could tell, anyway. It doesn’t mean this will taint our friendship, as you pointed out, and we can always talk about it if things get strange in a bad way.” He negotiated with you. This was so much different from being lectured that you couldn’t help but feel glad to be sharing this moment with Higuruma.

You stayed quiet, studying his features as he awaited for a response, and your gaze wound up resting on his lips for a while, something he noticed. He approached you carefully, brushing his lips to yours, and it instantly made your heart race. You could hear each pump in the back of your ears, as you pressed your lips against his quickly, pulling apart before you both could get entangled together again for round two, after you explicitly told him you shouldn’t.

“Can I think about it?” You asked.

“Of course. But please, do think about it, and don’t just take time to stall on an answer.” Higuruma replied, ash colored eyes piercing through you.

“Oh, stalling to not give you an answer about something uncomfortable or compromising? That definitely doesn’t sound like me.” You answered, mockingly. You were aware of your intimacy issues.

He smiled and pressed his forehead against yours. “ I’m a lawyer, I’m quite familiar with buying time to avoid consequences.”

“Consequences, huh?” You asked, rolling to the opposite side of the bed. “Come on, Hiromi. Time to start the day.”

Defeated, he rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling, as your feet touched the cold morning floor.

[intrepidradish]

I'm going to do this slightly terrible thing and write out a chronography of my fandoms from the beginning.

Why are you doing this? Curiosity? An experiment in journaling? Fandom has been this enormous bedrock for me over the last fifteen years plus of my life. I want a record as I try to get into original work. I also want to write about some stuff I'm obsessed over, and why I'm obsessed. Because writing a bunch of words when you aren't obsessed is pretty difficult.

But why you are publishing it? Yeah, this is where it might be a bad idea. I'm not going to tag the fandoms I'm talking about. All posts will be labeled with the tag '#my personal take'. The reason I'm even considering putting it out there is because fandoms are inherently about input and interaction. Do I think I'll get any interaction? Well, no. But I do run a risk of putting my foot in my mouth, but like...welcome to my life all the time.

Why tumblr? (And not dreamwidth? Or livejournal?) Tumblr is a messy platform. I want to be a little messy. Not in a spilled tea way. I don't have any tea and if I did, it was never very hot. I'm a fringe participant in most fandoms anyway. I am a wallflower in spirit. In truth, it's actually going to expose more of myself as a blogger (ick) than the fandoms I'm talking about. The reason I've chosen tumblr is I want to be messy in my thoughts, and because someone might have something to say about it. I like dialogue.

I also hate twitter and its only gotten worse the moment I arrived.

How often are you going to post? I dunno, whenever I want. I'll try and keep the entries chronological, but as I've built a list, I've realized I have forgotten a few things here or there. So some entries might be out of order. If I stop doing it, it's because I got bored. I might also delete them all, because I got embarrassed.

Master Post

Dragon Ball Z - Vegebul, 2002

Good Omens - 2007 & 2019

Jeeves & Wooster - 2011

[starleska]

Are the cards on your F/O tracker ordered in any particular way? Like favorite to least favorite?

hahaha, great question - which requires a bit of a lengthy answer!! 🙈💖 tldr; they're SUPPOSED to be, but i am stalled!! long answer: when i first started the f/o tracker it really was just a text list of every character i'd ever had a crush/fixated on. this meant that at the bottom of the list we had characters i crushed on when i saw small, like Syndrome and Megamind, and at the top we had more recent ones, like Augustus St. Cloud and Comfortable Doug 😂 so at that time it was a collection of old crushes in no particular order, and more recent crushes added in chronological order (so a new one would go to the top of the list)!!

as time went on and i went through more fixations i got really into the idea of organising my f/os, so i messed around and started adding little icons to each. this was a few years ago, and back then i didn't get a character fixation a week: most of my fixations lasted a lot longer, months at a time, so this was more feasible to keep up with 🙈💖 i hadn't really built a silly self-indulgent mythos around being an 'f/o collector' yet, and was still embarrassed about being a selfshipper, and open about my crushes online!!

i think it was around the time i joined the @canonrenaissance and @childhoodcreativity MEP groups that i was really embracing being a silly fandom person with an interest in lots of unusual characters, and my rate of fixation started ramping up. so i remade the tracker a few times with larger pictures, and still the tracker really wasn't at that many characters - less than 30!! i thought, 'oh, this'll be easy to keep up with'. so why didn't i try sorting them roughly according to how insane i am about them at that moment in time?

but between that period of time and today, i became much more open about the characters i crushed on; folks kept recommending me characters and i stopped being so skittish about what was bringing me joy!! so the f/o tracker grew and grew, and i thought 'oh, there needs to be a separation here. maybe i should make some really cool cards for the characters i like the most and just keep the brief crushes as a text list'. the idea was to go through all of the crushes i had at that time and give them a card with their name and source material...and then ones who 'qualified' in the future would get one too. kinda like the guys who've been here for this long have qualified for their pension 😂😂

but i was an idiot and didn't realise a) how many crushes i would get each year (i'm averaging 30-40 at present), and how time-consuming it would be to make each card!! so yes, i do rearrange based on how insane i am about them (Augustus St. Cloud, Mad Mod, the Toymaker and Nordic Bunny are all infamous cases of blorbo brainrot which some of you had the misfortune to witness) but it means at the bottom we have like. Gargamel and Fingers. which make no mistake i was/am insane about, but they look so funny next to everyone else 🙈🙈 pretty much, if they have a card and they're at the top i'm extremely nuts about them, and if they're at the top of the text list they're more recent 😉

[weaversweek]

Fear of Mu21c - the top 261

This is the conclusion to #FearOfMu21c, a crowdsourced attempt to find the most popular singles of the 21st century. An index post explains further.

108 people put in their lists of singles, awarding 10 points to all of them, 11 points to the top five, and 12 points to the favourite. Contest runner Arron has wrangled these together, broken ties, and compiled a full chart. It's below the cut.

Hear it all! Spotify playlists of the top 250 in chronological order by release date... and the top 50 in countdown order

266 pts 1 - 1 thing - Amerie

223 pts 2 - Paper planes - MIA

215 pts 3 - Hey ya! - Outkast

212 pts 4 - Can't get you out of my head - Kylie Minogue

198 pts 5 - Biology - Girls Aloud

194 pts 6 - Crazy in love - Beyoncé ft Jay-Z

188 pts 7 - 212 - Azealia Banks ft Lazy Jay

186 pts 8 - Dancing on my own - Robyn

176 pts 9 - Back to black - Amy Winehouse

175 pts 10 - Umbrella - Rhianna ft Jay-Z 11 - Freak like me - Sugababes

154 pts 12 - Video games - Lana Del Rey

150 pts [inc 10 in bonuses] 13 - BOB (Bombs over Baghdad) - Outkast

143 pts 14 - Get ur freak on - Missy Elliott 15 - Overload - Sugababes

142 pts 16 - Take me out - Franz Ferdinand

137 pts 17 - Hurt - Johnny Cash 18 - Bad romance - Lady Gaga

133 pts 19 - All my friends - LCD Soundsystem

132 pts 20 - Feel good inc - Gorillaz

131 pts 21 - Since I met you - The Avalanches 22 - The fear - Lily Allen

124 pts 23 - Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 24 - We live here - Bob Vylan

121 pts 25 - I bet you look good on the dancefloor - Arctic Monkeys

120 pts 26 - Toxic - Britney Spears

114 pts 27 - One more time - Daft Punk

113 pts 28 - Mr brightside - The Killers 29 - Destroy everything you touch - Ladytron

112 pts 30 - Time to pretend - MGMT 31 - Do you realize?? - The Flaming Lips

110 pts 32 - Stan - Eminem 33 - Call me maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

106 pts 34 - Crystal - New Order

105 pts 35 - Christine / Tilted - Christine and the Queens

102 pts 36 - Pure shores - All Saints

101 pts 37 - Roscoe - Midlake 38 - Tightrope - Janelle Monaé

100 pts 39 - Blank space - Taylor Swift 40 - Chaise longue - Wet Leg 41 - Song 4 Mutya (out of control) - Groove Armada

94 pts 42 - With every heartbeat - Robyn

93 pts 43 - Fell in love with a girl - The White Stripes

92 pts 44 - Make me feel - Janelle Monáe 45 - Crazy - Gnarls Barkley 46 - Witness (1 hope) - Roots Manuva

91 pts 47 - Ms Jackson - Outkast 48 - Theme from sparta f c #2 - The Fall

90 pts 49 - My girls - Animal Collective 50 - Chewing gum - Annie 51 - Milkshake - Kelis

83 pts 52 - Archie, marry me - Alvvays 53 - Blackstar - David Bowie

82 pts 54 - Bad guy - Billie Eilish 55 - Where are we now? - David Bowie 56 - Seven nation army - The White Stripes 57 - King kunta - Kendrick Lamar 58 - Wildfires - Sault

81 pts 59 - Blinding lights - The Weekend 60 - The rat - The Walkmen

80 pts 61 - Green light - Lorde 62 - Somebody that I used to know - Gotye ft Kimbra 63 - Galvanize - The Chemical Brothers ft Q-Tip 64 - Pagan poetry - Björk 65 - This hell - Ria Lina 66 - I don't feel like dancing - Scissor Sisters 67 - Blind - Hercules and Love Affair

73 pts 68 - Alright - Kendrick Lamar

72 pts 69 - You want it darker - Leonard Cohen 70 - Heartbeats - The Knife 71 - Seasons (waiting on you) - Future Islands 72 - Losing my edge - LCD Soundsystem

71 pts 73 - Uptown funk - Mark Ronson ft Bruno Mars 74 - You are the generation that bought more shoes and you get what you deserve - Johnny Boy 75 - Sunrise - Pulp 76 - I love it - Icona Pop ft Charli XCX

70 pts 77 - American boy - Estelle ft Kayne West 78 - Out of time - Blur 79 - Boys in the better land - Fontaines Dc 80 - Portions for foxes - Rilo Kiley 81 - Work it - Missy Elliott

66 pts 82 - Come on, let's go - Broadcast

64 pts 83 - Everything is embarrassing - Sky Ferreira

62 pts 84 - House of jealous lovers - The Rapture 85 - The look - Metronomy

61 pts 86 - No one knows - Queens of the Stone Age 87 - Get lucky - Daft Punk ft Pharell Williams and Nile Rodgers 88 - Royals - Lorde 89 - Burn the witch - Radiohead 90 - The show - Girls Aloud 91 - Hung up - Madonna 92 - Bulletproof - La Roux 93 - Standing in the way of control - The Gossip 94 - Silent shout - The Knife

60 pts 95 - Last nite - The Strokes 96 - Wolf like me - TV on the Radio 97 - Dog days are over - Florence and the Machine 98 - Family affair - Mary J Blige 99 - Cranes in the sky - Solange 100 - Strict machine - Goldfrapp 101 - Rolling in the deep - Adele 102 - Zero - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 103 - Slow - Kylie Minogue 104 - The mother we share - Chvrches 105 - Say it right - Nelly Furtado 106 - Digital love - Daft Punk 107 - Someone great - LCD Soundsystem 108 - That's not my name / Great DJ - The Ting Tings 109 - Hope there's someone - Antony and the Johnsons 110 - Wet dream - Wet Leg

54 pts 111 - I know a place - Muna

53 pts 112 - French navy - Camera Obscura 113 - I do this all the time - Self Esteem

52 pts 114 - Harder than you think - Public Enemy 115 - King of the mountain - Kate Bush 116 - There there - Radiohead 117 - Anti-hero - Taylor Swift 118 - Good fortune - P J Harvey 119 - The wire - Haim 120 - Int'l players anthem (I choose you) - UGK ft Outkast

51 pts 121 - There goes the fear - Doves 122 - Up with people - Lambchop 123 - The words that maketh murder - P J Harvey 124 - Emerge - Fischerspooner 125 - Shake it off - Taylor Swift 126 - Empire state of mind - Jay-Z ft Alicia Keys 127 - Two months off - Underworld 128 - One day like this - Elbow 129 - You ain't the problem - Michael Kiwanuka 130 - Love is a losing game - Amy Winehouse 131 - Mariners apartment complex - Lana Del Rey 132 - Myth - Beach House 133 - This is america - Childish Gambino 134 - Some girls - Rachel Stevens 135 - Lloyd I'm ready to be heartbroken - Camera Obscura 136 - Move your feet - Junior Senior 137 - Husbands - Savages

50 pts 138 - We found love - Rihanna ft Calvin Harris 139 - Damn, dis-moi (girlfriend) - Christine and the Queens ft Dâm-Funk 140 - Groovejet (if this ain't love) - Spiller ft Sophie Ellis Bextor 141 - Chandelier - Sia 142 - Levitating - Dua Lipa 143 - Don't start now - Dua Lipa 144 - Go! - Public Service Broadcasting 145 - About you now - Sugababes 146 - Since u been gone - Kelly Clarkson 147 - Heads will roll - Yeah Yeah Yeahs 148 - Slow life - Super Furry Animals 149 - Bootylicious - Destiny's Child 150 - This is the life - Amy MacDonald 151 - Welcome to the black parade - My Chemical Romance 152 - Pretty pimpin - Kurt Vile 153 - Go - The Chemical Brothers ft Q-Tip 154 - Days like these - Low 155 - Party hard - Andrew Wk 156 - The turning of our bones - Arab Strap 157 - Bohemian like you - Dandy Warhols 158 - Pumped up kicks - Foster the People 159 - We the people… - A Tribe Called Quest 160 - Take me to church - Hozier 161 - Williams' blood - Grace Jones 162 - Geraldine - Glasvegas

44 pts 163 - The girl and the robot - Röyksopp ft Robyn

43 pts 164 - Remember where you are - Jessie Ware 165 - Chaeri - Magdalena Bay

42 pts 166 - Evil - Interpol 167 - Hoppipolla - Sigur Rós 168 - Reflektor - Arcade Fire ft David Bowie 169 - Neighbourhood #2 (Laika) - Arcade Fire 170 - Midnight city - M83 171 - Coles corner - Richard Hawley 172 - Miami - Baxter Drury 173 - Heartbeat - Annie 174 - The modern age ep - The Strokes 175 - Lose yourself - Eminem 176 - Call the shots - Girls Aloud 177 - PDA - Interpol 178 - Loud places - Jamie xx ft Romy 179 - Don't shut me down - ABBA

41 pts 180 - Oblivion - Grimes 181 - Bloodbuzz Ohio - The National 182 - Düsseldorf - Teleman 183 - Such Great Heights - The Postal Service 184 - Precious - Depeche Mode 185 - I'm a cuckoo - Belle & Sebastian 186 - Somewhere only we know - Keane 187 - The rip - Portishead 188 - New rules - Dua Lipa 189 - Bring me to life - Evanescence 190 - Hard to explain - The Strokes 191 - Someone like you - Adele 192 - Star roving - Slowdive 193 - Lonely boy - The Black Keys 194 - Obstacle 1 - Interpol 195 - Not in love - Crystal Castles ft Robert Smith 196 - In for the kill - La Roux 197 - Queen of hearts - Fucked Up 198 - Stuck between stations - The Hold Steady 199 - Burn baby burn - Ash

40 pts 200 - Push the button - Sugababes 201 - Try again - Aaliyah 202 - Danny Nedelko - Idles 203 - Close your eyes (and count to fuck) - Run the Jewels ft Zack de la Rocha 204 - More than a woman - Aaliyah 205 - Feel good hit of the summer - Queens of the Stone Age 206 - Pyramid song - Radiohead 207 - Head home - Midlake 208 - Telephone - Lady Gaga ft Beyoncé 209 - Like I used to - Sharon van Etten and Angel Olsen 210 - Over and over - Hot Chip 211 - Into you - Ariana Grande 212 - Vampire - Olivia Rodrigo 213 - Archangel - Burial 214 - Emmylou - First Aid Kit 215 - Motion sickness - Phoebe Bridgers 216 - 99 problems - Jay-Z 217 - Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz 218 - Sea within a sea - The Horrors 219 - 1901 - Phoenix 220 - I follow rivers - Lykke Li 221 - Whenever wherever - Shakira 222 - Fake empire - The National 223 - Sprawl II (mountains beyond mountains) - Arcade Fire 224 - Frontier psychiatrist - The Avalanches 225 - Danger! high voltage - Electric Six 226 - Ladyflash - The Go! Team 227 - Katy on a mission - Katy B 228 - GMF - John Grant with Sinéad O'Connor 229 - Kids - MGMT 230 - You know I'm no good - Amy Winehouse 231 - I luv u - Dizzee Rascal 232 - Beautiful day - U2 233 - Mykonos - Fleet Foxes 234 - Lazy - X-press 2 ft David Byrne 235 - Club foot - Kasabian 236 - Fallin' - Alicia Keys 237 - Greatest hits - Jockstrap 238 - Remedy - Little Boots 239 - I believe in a thing called love - The Darkness 240 - Lies - Chvrches 241 - Leave the door open - Silk Sonic 242 - Reagan - Killer Mike 243 - Shut up kiss me - Angel Olsen 244 - Round and round / Mistaken wedding - Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti 245 - Glue - Bicep 246 - Black magic - Little Mix 247 - Hade - Charisma.com 248 - My heart is a drummer - Allo Darlin' 249 - One-armed scissor - At The Drive In 250 - Feel it still - Portugal, The Man 251 - Kryptonite - Three Doors Down

34 pts 252 - Irish blood english heart - Morrissey

33 pts 253 - Whole again - Atomic Kitten 254 - Feel you - Julia Holter

32 pts 255 - It's a hit - Rilo Kiley 256 - Papillion - Editors 257 - Summertime sadness - Lana Del Rey 258 - Everybody's changing - Keane

31 pts 259 - The middle - Jimmy Eat World 260 - Somebody told me - The Killers 261 - Editors - Munich

Performers getting at least 250 points in total were:

JAY-Z 552 pts/4 in the chart

OUTKAST 538/4

SUGABABES 499/4

ROBYN 465/3

BEYONCÉ 409/2

RIHANNA 408/2

TAYLOR SWIFT 403/3

KYLIE MINOGUE 394/2

GIRLS ALOUD 391/3

LCD SOUNDSYSTEM 345/3

AMY WINEHOUSE 339/3

DAFT PUNK 336/3

M.I.A. 333/1

YEAH YEAH YEAHS 324/3

LADY GAGA 318/2

LANA DEL REY 307/2

AMERIE 286/1

DAVID BOWIE 279/3

KENDRICK LAMAR 265/2

ARCTIC MONKEYS 263/1

GORILLAZ 262/2

(Yes, this includes nominations that didn't make the published chart.)

Observations

#FearOfMu21c was part of "Music Twttr", an accumulation of mostly-British mostly-middle-aged mostly-male posters. It reflects a particular cultural bias: primarily The Sort Of Tune They'll Play on BBC 6 Music. Almost nothing not in English, very little folk and country and roots music.

I ended up with 17 votes counting to the top 261, 16 to the top 250. This is as much as would be expected by sheer chance.

[stuckinthegloriouspast]

a revival? a renewal.

Based on my previous posts, it seems like I come back to this tumblr around the same time of the year, ahaha. Anyway, new tumblr is strange. Glad to see my mix of emotional angsty posts and hilarious reblogs hasn't stopped making me smile (both the "lol" and the "ugh" sort). You'll always have a piece of my heart because I love you, but I'm learning to love you from a distance now, for my sake. Consider this one of my final open letters to you.

A lot of things have happened since you found someone new. Most notably, in a strange new turn of events, I've found someone new. It kind of just... happened. But... I feel good. No matter where it goes, I'm feeling good now. And I'm really trying, so... there's that. We also started working on the house. You don't know how many hilariously cringey letters I've found that I wrote to you and never sent. More embarrassing than the content is the amount for sure. Some of the content was pretty rough though, no denying that. I think this whole thing started with the Taylor Swift Eras Tour concert I went to though!? I know, I know, very out of character for me. But what did she say? Something about forgetting what her songs meant in the past, and creating new memories for them that night at that concert. I think it's hard for me to listen to her music because I basically only listen to old music, and most of her old songs I associate with you. At least, that's how it used to be. Now, I think of the concert. It's really opened my mind though, adding new meanings to things that were already logged in my brain years ago for one reason or another because of you. This was all listed in backwards chronological order but why not live a little, y'know? And if my new you is reading this somehow, hello dear! I'm going to be honest and say I think I'm getting a bit too old to be writing here every time I'm feeling a little angsty. Fortunately or unfortunately, I'm finding that I enjoy talking to you, and that I'm comfortable talking to you. In due time, I hope to tell you everything. Okay I'm hungry but it's 3am so goodnight.