#this is from 2021 cause im still playing catch up

[bellawoso]

everywhere

aitana bonmati x reader

a/n : the sleeveless training top kills me every time i see it

aitana had been obsessed impressed with you ever since the 2021 games of barcelona vs arsenal, although she knew that she should be overcome by feelings of pride for her teams winnings, she couldnt help but let her small crush on you get in the way of her celebrations.

sure she was tired after the match, but so was everyone else, and they still managed to have a night out in the london bars. aitana however, spent all night stalking your instagram account on a random fake account she had, normal behaviour right?

after the 2022 euros knockout match, where england were victorious, aitanas crush which she thought was gone, came back even bigger when instead of immediately celebrating with your teammates, you instead went to the nearest spanish player to you, which happened to be the spaniard herself, and started consoling her. your hand on her back made her skin tingle, and momentarily she almost forgot about the loss when you whispered into her ear how she played a good game, before bringing her in for a warm embrace. aitana didnt waste the chance of wrapping her arms round your waist as yours went around her neck.

the brunette wouldnt be surprised if she dropped down with a heart attack right there when you requested for a shirt swap, with you both being number 6 nationally. seeing her name sprawled across your back definitely didnt ease her racing heart or her flushed cheeks.

———

the next time you saw the spaniard was at the world cup final, although you were out with your ACL injury at the time, you still wouldnt miss this match for the world. as soon as england lost you were straight onto the pitch, comforting your national teammates, who were about to see spain being crowned world champions.

you were just about to go talk to lucy, a close friend of yours from national camps, until aitana stepped in your path. you had grown quite fond of the girl, despite the fact you had never played for the same teams, you both respected each other greatly, and often congratulated each other through instagram of the others achievements. you werent quite ready for the girl stepping out in front of you, you were still on crutches, almost ready to come off them, the spaniard just clipped your crutch with her boot causing you to tumble forward slightly. luckily the brunette was ready to catch you, her strong arms gripping onto your waist whilst she repeated “lo siento” and lectured her self in spanish, until you cut her off “hola aita, good game you deserve this so much, i know how hard you worked to get here.”

“ah yes- gracias y/n, i am upset you dont play today, im sure you would have made a difference” aitana managed to get out, in slightly broken english but you found it extremely endearing.

“yes i am sad too, but i will be back for the euros before you know it! so, balon d’or huh?” you said with a grin, it was extremely obvious that the girl you was talking to was going to be a future balon d’or winner, despite her humble nature as she argued with you, saying there are other people who deserve it more than her.

until you cut off her rambling once again “aita it was so lovely catching up with you, but im positive all of your teammates are waiting for you to celebrate, i wouldnt want to keep you” you stated with a soft smile and a glance at ona who waited behind aitana, and seemed to have finished consoling lucy.

as aitana turned to walk away, you started walking over to lucy, painfully unaware of the extremely obvious glances aitana kept giving you over her shoulder, the spaniard prayed you didnt hear onas teasing.

———

it was around the start of december when you began playing again, helping by scoring 2 goals in the 4-1 win against chelsea. it was unsurprising how you had ended up on barcas radar, it was very unusual for a player to somehow be better than they were pre-ACL, after only just returning. it was safe to say that aitana had watched every single arsenal game since you returned, even on the ones where you didnt play, just to catch a glimpse of you on the bench. the other girls on her team had noticed this, and despite aitanas insistence that it was to keep up with the WSL and to check on laia codina, her teammates werent stupid. and it was painfully obvious every time aitanas breath hitched when you were displayed on the screen, which was quite often as you were a fan favourite.

you had also developed a bit of a fan-girling crush on the spaniard herself, it was hard not to when you saw her training pictures on her story daily, and couldnt help but wonder what you would have to do to be blessed enough to witness her training in real life.

clearly you didnt have to do much, as your manager called you one day to talk about potential transfers, one immediately stood out to you, barcelona.

it all happened very quickly in your opinion, although your manager disagreed as barcelona were actually being quite annoying with offering you a contract as they were constantly holding it until last minute. until finally they managed to sit you down with pen and paper, for you to begin your new journey with them. the media followed shortly after, barcelona and arsenal seemingly decided to just dump all of your departure and new arrival videos on every single social media platform they had.

aitana was at home when the media teams dropped your videos, immediately clicking on the notification from barcelonas instagram. she had been waiting for a while for keiras fully edited catalan interview to be posted, so she was visibly shocked when instead she was met with the sight of you in the barca home kit.

aitana definitely knew she was down bad when she couldnt fall asleep that night, her thoughts clouded of you in that stupid home kit, even better, in the barca tracksuit you had worn for your interviews.

she quickly sent you an short instagram message just to say ‘hola, welcome to barca amiga :)’ before finally managing to fall asleep.

———

your arrival was soon after, and despite your initial worry of not fitting in to the team, you soon learned that you got along fine with the girls after your first training session. from the very beginning aitana clung to you, immediately becoming your bestfriend on the team and promising to take you to all of the best hidden gems in barcelona. it was amusing to the team of how obvious aitana was being and how oblivious you were to it all.

such as the day where aitana was hit twice on the head by a football after not hearing the shout of “heads” while staring at you with heart eyes as you laughed with ona.

or when she was still running laps and warming up with keira whilst you had a 1 v 1 with lucy, and she ran into a goal post. she never truly lived that one down, and the whole team new about it as she had to go down to medical with a minor concussion and miss the next match due to her headache.

the bonus was that you were too scared to leave aitana at her apartment by herself after reading up about concussions online, so you stayed with her for a week. which was longer than necessary, but aitana didnt need to know the real reason for your insistence to stay.

the most recent thing to happen was when she dropped a weight on keiras foot in the gym when she saw you walk in, looking particularly good in the training kit today, this action made the english girl snap, telling aitana to just go admit her feelings, whilst cursing under her breath and walking to the medical room for an ice pack.

lucy came up behind aitana after keira left, chuckling about the previous incident but also to reassure the spaniard “dont worry aitana, ive known y/n for ages, she likes you back, trust me” she said, making aitana nod and turn on her heels to confidently and calmly walk over to you, as you were currently near the mats with ingrid.

except this didnt happen, as aitana didnt seem very confident or calm at all as she tripped as she neared you, causing her to stumble straight into you, sending the both of you tumbling straight to the floor.

“dios mío! lo siento y/n, i dont know what happened!” you stayed on the floor laughing about what just happened, as vicky came over “i think i know what happened, aitana just fell for y/n!” the younger girl shouted for the entire gym to hear like the pest she was, causing both you and aitana to flush bright red, still on the floor.

until aitana leaned over to you “while were still down here, will you please go on a date with me?” she asked giving her best puppy dog eyes.

“i would love to aita”

———

you and aitana went on the date on saturday, the brunette had chosen for the two of you to go to a coffee shop in the little town where she was raised, you could tell just how proud and passionate she was of where she was born. at first, things were a bit awkward between the two of you, until you fell back into your usual rhythm of chatting and laughing.

except for when aitana bumped into someone she knew from her youth, and stumbled a bit over her words when introducing you, the words “shes my girl-” coming out of her mouth before blushed cut her self off and ended up blurting out “y/n, shes my y/n” with an awkward, toothy grin.

this made you burst out laughing, at aitanas newfound social awkwardness, and the strangers confusion, it was only after they walked away that you playfully bumped your shoulder against hers, saying “if you wanted to be my girlfriend you could have just asked” with a smirk.

“cállate! muy molesta-“ as she carried on with her spanish rambling making you smile at seeing her worked up state until she suddenly asked “wait were you being serious that i can ask to be your girlfriend?”

“well normally back in england we dont ask the person for permission to ask them to be our girlfriend, but whatever suits you tana!” you answered back playfully.

“fine then! i wont ask if your going to be all sarcastic about it” the older girl replied. “sure you wont aita, sure.” taking a sip from your water bottle while the brunette seemed to be giving you the silent treatment

“be my girlfriend” she suddenly stated, making you choke on your water “thats really not how we ask back in england, spain must be very different” you thought aloud.

“stop it! just confirm it with me, we are basically dating all ready!” aitana huffed in faux frustration about how annoying you were being about this. “okay, okay! i would love to be your girlfriend then aitana.” this made her grin, so you were guessing you were in the good girlfriend books at the moment.

you and aitana went on many more dates after that, the two of you fit so perfectly. although you were both extremely talented footballers, aitana was always very work focused, whereas you got bored of things like match analysis very easily. where aitana was extroverted around new people, you were usually very quiet around strangers. you both balanced each other out very well, aitana often having to help you with your match analysis, and you being the one to get aitana to bed at the right time instead of letting her rewatch the match again.

———

one thing that aitana never really seemed to grow out of was the honeymoon stage, after two months of being together openly, she really should have got used to the fact that you were hers and she was yours. however, the spaniard never quite got over the fact that the two of you were actually together, especially after crushing in you for the past couple of years.

this led to her quite literally just trailing around after you everywhere, like a lost puppy. when you finally snapped and told her to go to keira, and socialise with her friends, said lost puppy suddenly became a kicked puppy that looked like you just abandoned it on the side of the road.

“but amorrrr, i wont bother you! i promise!” she begged, giving you her best puppy dog eyes.

“aitana no! you have hardly spoke to your friends all week, and although i love you, your starting to really annoy me!” you said. your girlfriend had already dropped a dumbell on your ankle after she decided she needed to do her arm workouts right next to your workout mat. she had then spilt coffee all over you, which although she claims is all okay now as she gave you her hoodie to replace your top, you never quite got over the sticky coffee feeling in your skin.

your last straw was when she decided to try trail right behind you into your meeting with jonatan and some of the other coaches, solely a checkup and a one to one meeting about things to work on in training.

“aitana no! go to keira please, i love you but this is a one on one meeting, your not allowed to be in here” you didnt leave time for her to argue as you quickly planted a kiss on her lips and went into the room, shutting the door straight behind you.

you were never normally one to reject your girlfriends clinginess, however sometimes you just needed your own personal space, and today was an odd day where things werent going right and your temper was short.

you were going to apologise to aitana, but as soon as you came out of your meeting she was there with flowers and coffee for you, and saying sorry for annoying you today. “aitana no, its fine, if anything, i am sorry. i love being around you as your my girlfriend, but i do think its important you start hanging out with your friends again!”

“yes amor i understand, i actually went with ona to get the flowers and she got some for lucy too!” aitana replied, as she planted a kiss on your lips.

on the way home, aitana also called at one of your favourite shops that sold books and records. despite her being more of a spotify and film person, she still made an effort to be enthusiastic in the shop. she definitely did not get bored and decide to pull you in for a kiss behind the non fiction book shelf.

however, she still never really left her honeymoon phase.

———

yourusername

liked by ingrid_engen, lucybronze and 23,962 others

caption: she follows me everywhere but its okay tagged: aitanabonmati

comments:

aitanabonmati: you love it

-> yourusername: i do.

lucybronze: you two make me throw up

-> yourusername: dont act like you and ona arent the same.

marialeonn16: i counted 3 balls to aitanas head yesterday training

-> vickyylopezz._: she fell over aswell 😭

-> yourusername: guys leave tana alone! 🥹

-> aitanabonmati: what my gf said.

user1: they are so cute omg 😭

user2: power couple!

user3: best woso couple there is

———

a/n: this is not proofread so no judgement to bad grammar pretty pleasee

[lesdeuxxx]

ATTENTION PEOPLE: MISSING FANFIC SEARCH:

So this is going to be very incredibly confusing, but I’m searching for this fic I read a really long time ago. In light of the possibility ao3 gets banned, I’m going to save fics that I think deserve to be preserved like the literature they are. This includes fics that I read previously and really liked. However, I’m having trouble finding this Heartstopper fic I read ages ago back when I was still in the fandom and do not remember the title of. I fear it may have been deleted. But regardless, I will shout into the void and hope and pray someone knows the fic I’m taking about and can maybe send me the link. So here’s a plot recap:

It’s set during the Christmas season. Charlie is homeless. He breaks into nicks shed to steal power tools to pawn them for money but nick catches him, and feels bad. Slowly over time they become friends, and nick does what he can to help Charlie. The early chapters im blanking on but it gets interesting much later. Charlie stays with nick after a lot of convincing and they lie to nicks parents (who in this fic, are still together-nicks father is a cop.) and say he goes to truham. Christmas rolls around and nick (I think) fakes sick to stay home while his parents travel or see relatives or something, and Charlie spends a few days with nick alone in the house. Charlie also plays the violin for some reason, which nick happens to have and gifts to Charlie because he never uses it. Charlie grows insecure about “using” nick and eventually runs off, feeling as though he is a nuisance, and so he goes back to the street. His violin gets stolen by some street rats who beat him up, but nick goes out searching for him and throws the street rats off, leading to him and Charlie having to escape and hide in an abandoned apartment Charlie stays in some times. But when you think everything’s okay, the third act happens and Ben comes into play, who is a much older drug dealer who takes advantage of Charlie being in a bad position to have an abusive relationship with him. Charlie tries to go to Elle and Tao, who he met through Ben, and who try to hide him but ultimately he’s sniffed out and Ben takes him when his goons and him storm elle and Tao’s apartment. There’s some sort of fight in I think a motel and and nick gets him back. Imogen is also there, I don’t really remember when she is or what she does until the end, when we find out she went with Ben who is now technically a kidnapper, and nicks cop father has to swat Ben to take him out, and he goes to jail cause turns out he killed Charlie’s mom because she was (I think) verbally abusive to Charlie and it’s what leads to them being together.

Also, a couple random plot points I remember but don’t know where to place include:

-charlie constantly wears a thin denim jacket that later gets traded with one of nicks old puffer coats

-he runs into Tara and Darcy drawing graffiti under a bridge and joins them. If I remember correctly, Darcy was kicked out by her mom and Tara has a shit home life.

-Charlie goes with nicks mom to one of his rugby games and they talk I think

-nick and Charlie have a date where they go to some sort of Christmas fair and I think go ice skating

-Ben may or may not have been drugging and pimping out Charlie, and I think that’s like the main reason why he freaks out about Imogen is cause he’s worried it’ll happen to her?

-when Ben brings Charlie to the hotel, he shoot’s up heroin

The fic was posted during the holiday season, I do remember that. As for the year, I’m not sure, but I would say it’s likely to be either from December 2021 or 2022.

If ANYONE remembers anything about this fic, the name, the author, anything at all, please comment below. I remember it was an incredible story and I know I would feel incredible guilt if I couldn’t find it again while I’m on the hunt to preserve my favorite fics before the government might take them away from me.

[saintlaurentproblems]

I lowkey think Niall wanted to bang Olivia Rodrigo during 2021. I know you can say he was a fan and such but idc. He gave off im down if ur down vibes lol. And Miley Cyrus deffo wanted to fuvk Harry in 2013, she said he was her vibe. They really make sense cause they are two rock stars.

Olivia gives me mean girl vibes. Her friend Cameron and her dad were shading Sabrina during 2021. https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AEXIn1zeYGk

Her fans were dragging Sabrina for making Skin and calling Sabrina the mean girl for standing up against her fans AND Olivia. I do believe the energy you put out there is the energy you receive and it shows now with Sabrinas success. Olivia was being envious of Sabrinas beauty and personalty. People calling Sabrina a flop and now 2024 is her year. Sabrina did not bitch and moan about Olivia, she fr locked in during her big L (and I do believe it shook her-this younger girl swooped in and took a bunch of a Grammys home on her first album...like I know that hurt lmao).

Justin Bieber is an asshole to fans. I dont know why he still has fans and I thought we all agreed to leave him in 2015. Justin acts like we put a gun to his head and forced him to be famous. Just cause you hate your life doesnt mean the fans have to. Giving people the stink eye when they ask for photos. Just ignore them but he spends more energy to be mean. Even last year he was acting weird to fans, https://www.tiktok.com/@noahglenncarter/video/7238756012759452971?lang=en Bro thinks hes the main character 24/7. Relax bro this isnt about you. People are recording cause this a public celeb event. Just stay your ass home. He is stuck in time and thinks we are in 2016 wtf. Another example: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/the-hot-button/did-justin-bieber-really-call-a-fan-a-beached-whale-in-australia/article15855402/

Harry Styles gotta be the smartest male singer in terms of image. Besides the whole zionism claims (which we know he supports). There is no slip up..ever. Its so impressive like you will never catch him lacking. Being quiet really takes you so many places.

Selena Gomez is only fucking Benny Blanco cause her looks fell off...and he is associated with JB. You really think 2015 Selena would date Benny? She wouldn't even date Charlie Puth and he is easy on the eyes. People calling her looks nowadays plastic surgery is so sad. Her face was perfect before lupus and its the moon face from her steroid medications that fucked her looks up. People who went though the same: https://www.reddit.com/r/kidneydisease/comments/14x28ix/before_and_after_prednisone/ This why her body is shaped like an apple now: https://www.quora.com/What-are-the-side-effects-of-prednisone https://prednisonepharmacist.com/prednisone-parables/prednisone-parables/ Thats why sometimes her face looks lopsided or looks like she got fillers in her cheeks.

Okay this was A LOT to read.

1. I don’t think Niall wanted to necessarily fuck Olivia but I think he wanted some of her hype and appeal to her demo. Niall had a smart team.

2. I don’t really agree.

3. Hmmm I think the Olivia and Sabrina beef is complicated. And it was smart to lean into it for press and clicks. Imagine if Joshua didn’t lean into the Jesus brand and playing to the next pop boy. We could actually have some interesting content now. I do hope we get an Olivia and Sabrina collab.

4. Yes I’ve heard Justin is so rude to fans. Especially during his peak douchebag years 2015ish. He apparently kicked a girl out of his Uber in the middle of a highway. I think he has mellowed out now. I just don’t think he is good at handle stress. I have way more compassion for him now tho.

5. Harry’s team is so polished. And he is smart to actually listen to him. Idk who ever gave him advice during 1D deserves an award or something. He gives me a pretentious vibe tho. Almost like he has to put on this image to be taken seriously as an artist. He seems inauthentic most of the time.

6. Selena has dated hot and successful men who have treated her like shit. So if dating Bennie is what makes her happy then good for her! And yes she has a round face so when she puts on weight or swells from her meds it really shows in her face. She’s still stunning.

[bunnys-lil-hideout]

big f/o ramble under the cut. super long. 12 paragraphs of just talkin about my feelings for 2 particular fictional men.

i think august 19th mightve been the night i officially made Rain an f/o? cause it was the night i drew that comic of the dream i had with him, where in it i literally bumped into him in a hallway that had a similar aesthetic to the one in the main area of the game and we just started kissing

even though i usually saw me and rains relationship as him being annoyed that i like him, thinking about it now, maybe it was something we both wanted? and he could only express that to me via the dream?

i wish i could remember the exact day i had it. i think it mustve been the 16th, which was the same day i first drew fanart for the game? or technically on the 17. yeah no it mustve been the 17th. i just remember waking up right after kissing him and just laying in bed staring bloodshot at the ceiling. it was pretty obvious that i was gonna catch feelings for him based on his looks and how he sounded and acted but like, this has become so much more than that.

cause iirc, G' and Rains are the only f/os of mine that i have had dreams of. i've had two lucid dreams with G', one where i sat with him on a bench and one where i ran up to him and he picked me up in his arms, which was YEARS ago. and then last year i had the dream with Rains, and we fully wrapped our arms around each other as we made out. and like. idk. i feel like that means something.

especially since, before i even became a fan of H/L and i still only knew about P0rt4l and t-f and gm0d and was a fan of m1p back then, i found out about a game made by the same people that made the game Rains came from. Rains' game was published in 2021, but the game they made before was made in 2010, and i think i found out about it in 2012, i think i mustve been in 4th grade so this was early 2012, and then it was in the summer between 4th and 5th grade i became a fan of H/L.

when i realized i had feelings for G', it was after i had stopped crushin on the S.p.y from t-f. i maybe even stopped crushin on him once i got into H/L. so G' just completely replaced him and hes been my number 1 ever since. and to this day hes still extremely special to me. i mean hes literally the reason i survived middle school.

then i got Rains last year and obviously fell head over heels for him. he was already starting to become a close f/o because he was connected to G' in a pretty direct way, since the previous game the devs made was a mod made in the s0u4ce engine. plus his voice actor is mister "you fucked up my face" from the mod that literally made v4lve want to work on H/L/A. on that character and G' interacted multiple times and G' annoyed the hell out of him. so it only made sense that a guy i made my f/o where his voice and G' have a history, now Rains is the one annoying G' with an equally intimidating voice, except hes a lil sillier with his scares.

but like i said i always saw me and Rains dynamic as me being all "haha i love you soooo much im gonna kiss and hug you and you cant stop me" and hes all annoyed and angry like "ew i hate love stop liking me i dont like you. im gonna hug you just so you stop bugging me and im gonna try to get you to hate yourself later [it ends up failing]". but since reflecting on the dream and the role he takes in the game, im thinking.... what if he wanted that. what if that was his way of telling me that he liked me back and i didnt have to hide it from him.

like what if it was like he got to look inside of my head as i was playing the game and he got to see me slowly catching feelings for him but denying it, and maybe HE was starting to catch feelings for ME too because he peered into my head and found out the littlest things about me and decided from there that maybe i was someone who could truly like him back. which doesnt sound like him in the surface context of the game, but when i started looking deeper into his motives and what roles he played and how his story unfolded, i realized, maybe he really WAS just like the main character in that they lost someone who saw something special in them, and i was there to replace that for him.

which then now just reminds me how when i was first getting into H/L and starting analyzing G' and the deeper intent he had in the story, i grew to truly believe that deep down hes not as bad as he seems, that he cant help the way that he acts, and he just deals with the fact that because of how he portrays himself to others, he knows theres no way for anyone to see what he truly is striving for and therefore are going to hate him regardless of what he really does behind the scenes.

thinking about it now even, maybe it was even the same case as Rains where those lucid dreams meant something. maybe that was G' visiting me and letting me have freedom to see what i would do with him, and when i clearly showed that i was fond of him and didnt find him scary or didnt try to get away, hes just stuck with me ever since.

maybe both G' and Rains are meant to be my number 1s. the two that i think about the most and help during situations where i have nowhere else to turn to. G' is there to comfort me while Rains motivates to actually do something with my life. maybe theyre my balance that ive needed mentally for so long. i think at this point they mean so much to me that i dont want to go back to the time before i knew Rains. i'd hate it because he wasnt there. i want Rains to be there in the morning to make snide remarks about me being too lazy to get out of bed, and then when i do and i actually do productive things, G' is there to help me when i become overwhelmed, or shows up at the end of the day to help me relax. and then Rains accompanies us acting all grumpy that i was actually doing what i was supposed to do, but cant stay mad at me forever once i give him the attention i think he needs and show him how much i appreciate him being there to motivate me.

i just think maybe they're both extremely special to me and i need them more than i thought i did. and im so happy that i have them now.

[chiruba]

JJK BOYS' REACTING TO S/O IN A BUNNY OUTFIT !

req. hiii bestie !! i can smell potential in this account, so i'm here for a request ! jjk boys' reaction to their s/o wearing a bunny girl/boy outfit (they lost a bet) ?? maybe with... megumi, inumaki and gojo ?? thank you and i give you all my love and support for your work!!!❤️❤️️

an. HII BESTIE!! i loved this req omg and thank u for supporting me!! hope i did this req justice <3

ft. gojo, fushiguro, inumaki x fem!reader

wc. 1.5k

genre. fluff

tw. a lil suggestive but like 99% sfw

► MASTERLIST ► TAGLIST ►

GOJO SATORU ►

— this mf would be so cocky and teasing about it

— definitely the type to whistle and wiggle his eyebrows

— he's probably the one that made the bet with you

— and of course he made it knowing he'd win

"satoru!" you whine from behind the closed bathroom door, thoroughly embarrassed. "are you kidding? i'm not wearing this!" well, to be fair, you were already wearing it, but coming out of your sacred space the bathroom in it? absolutely not.

"come on!" you heard him say, his tone clearly teasing and excited. "you lost the bet, after all!"

"and you cheated to win!"

"baby-"

"no."

gojo let out a dramatic sigh, and you could practically imagine him pressing an exaggerated hand to his heart. "fine!" he said, letting out another sigh, "i guess our bets mean nothing to you."

"it's a stupid bet, satoru-"

"i understand, don't worry." you groaned, rolling your eyes at your boyfriend's usual childish antics. you could hear him shuffling from the other side of the door, "i'll just go to bed." you let a sigh, glancing to the large mirror to your right, your reflection staring back at you. you felt your face get hot at the thought of showing this to gojo. i mean, you could use it to try and get back at your boyfriend for all the times he'd teased you, and maybe even fluster him a bit? impossible, but a girl can dream.

"...fine." you grumble so quietly you're unsure if he even heard it - until you hear the giddy squeal come out of your boyfriend's mouth from the other side of the door, catching you so off guard that you can't help but let out a snort. before you even have a chance to do so yourself, gojo swings open the door and catches you as you stumble out.

he grins at you cheekily, one eyebrow raised and a low whistle sounding from his lips. "you were already wearing it?" he asks, and before you can respond a bright light flashes in your eye, and you realise he's taking pictures.

"satoru!" you go to cover your head, immediately regretting your decision. "i'm changing back right now!" you exclaim and try to rush back into the bathroom, only to be stopped by him pulling you back gently, his chest colliding with your body.

FUSHIGURO MEGUMI ►

— BLUSHY BABY!

— he'd be so embarrassed even looking at you LOL

— doesn't mean he won't look though

— would probably be like "what are you doing?" all grumbly and annoyed

— but his eyes stay trained on you and the outfit

you didn't think last week that your saturday night would be spent waiting on your boyfriend's bed, dressed head to toe in a bunny girl outfit while you waited for him to get done showering. it originally began when nobara showed you a funny tiktok of someone else pranking their significant other while they were dressed in a bunny outfit, and you'd both joked about doing it to your respective significant others. you had teased nobara, doubting that maki would be flustered even by such an outfit, which then led her to tease you about how fushiguro wouldn't even bat an eye at it. and, well, here you are.

you want to blame nobara for this entire fiasco, but you can't help the scratch of curiosity you yourself have about your antisocial boyfriend's reaction. if you're being entirely honest, the thought of making him flustered makes you a bit giddy. you decide to wrap yourself in his bed covers, seeing that fushiguro's designated showering time is ending soon, and then duck your head under the covers like a child hiding from a monster. the door lock clicks, and you hear the familiar sound of the sliding door.

"what are you doing?" fushiguro asks, closing the door behind him as he makes his way over to the mound on his bed. you giggle and hug the covers closer.

"take a guess," you tease, and you were sure if you could see him he'd be rolling his eyes.

"i don't know," he responded bluntly, "are you cold? i'll warm you up." you could hear the slight grumble in his voice at the last part, clearly still getting used to voicing his affections. it made your heart flutter a little, and you decided to stop teasing, mostly because it was the first time today you'd be able to see your boyfriend's face. you quickly pulled the covers back, sitting up on his bed as you stared up at fushiguro with an innocent grin.

"wha?!-" fushiguro spluttered, pink immediately beginning to stain his cheeks. his mouth hang open as he stared at you, eyes rapidly glancing around your outfit. "what are you doing?" he asked, gulping obviously after his sentence.

"what do ya think?" you teasingly asked, deciding to stand up and give a quick spin around, only flustering fushiguro further. "maybe this should be my halloween outfit? oh, we could even match! you could be a magician-" fushiguro let out a noise similar to a growl, and the next thing you knew, you were back in his bed, covers one again wrapped around your body like a cloak.

"no." he said plainly, and you had to hold back your laughter.

"no? no what, love?" he scrunched up his face at the nickname, but you could tell he liked it just by the simple fact that he'd never told you to stop. your teasing smile dropped when he leaned in closer, his breath ghosting on your ear as he whispered,

"i wanna be the only one to see you that way."

INUMAKI TOGE ►

— he got so flustered at first omg

— and said the one word that came to his mind - "wow."

— inumaki has such great control when it comes to his speech, he already knew it would be a safe word

— what he doesn't have great self-control over is, honestly, his love for you

— inumaki's just so amazed at how you're his s/o

— after he gets over his initial flustered reaction, he tackles you in affection <3

you were sure that you've never been more embarrassed in your life than now. nobara had suggested the grand idea of playing 'truth or dare' for girls' night, and sadly, your turn had ended up in maki's hands. you thought that maki couldn't come up with anything too bad, especially not this late at night, and so you went with the dare.

...and now here you are, dressed in a bunny girl outfit, standing in the middle of your boyfriend, inumaki toge's, room. the outfit was bought last halloween as a complete joke between the three of you, and you had completely forgotten about it afterwards, keeping it in the deepest part of your closet. how had maki even come up with that on the spot? damn her brains. your phone pinged, vibrating on inumaki's desk where you had put it, and you glanced over to see nobara's text;

'he's coming!!'

the simple message made your heart pound, your head frantically snapping back to look at the door as you waited for your boyfriend to come through. you held your breath when you heard a key being inserted into the door, and a small noise of surprise when inumaki realised the door wasn't locked. he quickly understood that you were most likely in his room.

"kombu-" inumaki froze, quite literally froze. it reminded you of the times he'd unzipped his collar and whispered the words "don't move,", his enemies bodies going rigid just as his just did.

you began to speak, and then realised, what the fuck were you meant to say in this situation? you'd been so focused on when inumaki would come through the door, you hadn't even thought about what to say when he did. you quite literally felt the way your heart fluttered when you heard inumaki let out a quiet breath, and you heard him whisper,

"wow."

it was already rare to hear your boyfriend's soft voice, even when he was simply speaking in onigiri ingredients, and you were shocked that you had caused this much of a reaction from him.

inumaki finally took back control of his body as he dropped the plastic white bag full of late-night snacks he was out getting, quickly shutting the door behind him and rushing over to you. his arms snaked around your waist, and you stumbled when he pulled you from the middle of his room to his bed.

"toge!" you yelled, arms wrapping around him automatically. you giggled when he began bombarding you in kisses, kissing you on the tip of your nose, the corners of your mouth and continually along your jaw, each a sweet peck full of affection that was more than enough to convey inumaki's feelings. "toge," you whined, now lowering your voice, "maki and nobara are probably right outside the door!" inumaki continues to hold you close while he reaches into his shorts pockets, pulling out his phone and typing a quick message, still giving you sweet pecks as you read his text.

'too bad. ur mine now <3'

ill give u a kiss goodnight if u reblog <3 

©  2021 sinrinyoku — please do not repost, translate, modify or plagiarize my work! i will beat the shit out of u (maybe)

[fartoo-sensitive]

flufftober 2021 - day 2: movie night

character: lester sinclair x gn!reader; platonic!bo sinclair x gn!reader (also some platonic!vincent x gn!reader)

word count: 1,108

this one got away from me a bit haha, i meant for it to be around the same length as day 1 was but it ended up being twice as long! that's okay though, i really like this one!! i hope y'all do too :)

-----

"it's my turn to pick the movie, jackass." you glared up at the man standing beside you.

"you pick another shitty one an' you're gonna get a boot up yer ass s'what's gonna happen," he retorted.

you rolled your eyes but set your lips in a pout, turning to peek around him and look at the seated figure on the couch behind him. "les, bo's bein' mean to me again."

"can't y'all get along for one lil night? look, yer upsettin' jonesy." lester gestured to the dog, who was laid out between him and vincent on the couch.

jonesy's head popped up at the sound of her name being said and she immediately went to work on giving lester as many kisses as she could. you thought you saw vincent try to stifle a laugh behind his mask.

<<yes, she's very upset. no more fighting.>>

bo huffed, tapping your thigh lightly with the toe of his boot. "hurry it up, lil bit."

you waved him away. "gimme some more attitude and i'll pick breakfast at tiffany's again, beauregard."

"do that and you can sleep at the station."

after only a few more minutes of deliberation you decided on a movie. you knew lester would be happy no matter what you decided on, and vincent wouldn't care too much as long as it wasn't sad. the only one who ever had a problem with your decisions was bo, and that was because if it wasn't an action flick it was crap (to him). you weren't trying to please him, though, and so you had decided on grease.

you snuggled up to lester on the sofa while bo banged around in the kitchen getting popcorn ready, shoving your feet under vincent's leg for warmth which only got a 5-second sigh out of him this time - progress! les tried to get you to tell him what you'd picked but you told him it was a surprise. he rolled his eyes.

once bo had dropped the bowl of popcorn in your lap and settled in the armchair next to vincent, you hit play on the vcr remote and settled further into lester's side. you felt him press a kiss to the crown of your head and hummed in quiet content.

the second danny and sandy kissed on screen bo let out a loud groan. "you shittin' my dick? this is worse than breakfast at tiffany's."

you laughed, grabbing a handful of popcorn and tossing it across vincent and directly at bo's scowling face. "my choice."

"where'd ya even find this? i know it ain't one'a ours."

"got it at a thrift store last time les and i went into the city. only 35 cents." you grinned, sticking your tongue out at him.

he shook his head at you, collecting the popcorn from his shirt and shoving it into his mouth. "s'long as you don't sing along to this one i won't hold it against ya, but only 'cause i like that grease lightnin' song," he grumbled.

you slammed your finger down on the pause button and jumped up from the couch, nearly giving lester a heart attack. "you what?"

bo's eyes narrowed. "i think you heard me, y/n."

you stared open-mouthed, head swinging between his glare, lester's wide eyes, and vincent's hidden smirk. "are y'all hearin' this? bo likes grease. vinny, please tell me you're gonna sketch this exact scene later, i need a keepsake. bo watching and enjoying grease. unheard of."

<<anything for you, y/n.>> you could tell he was grinning to his best ability under his mask and it made you grin back.

"lester, you best get yer sweetheart b'fore i gotta teach 'em a lesson." bo's voice was hard, but you knew him. he didn't mean it. he was only embarrassed that you were teasing him so much, he wasn't actually mad, and he wouldn't hurt you over something as silly as this.

you felt lester's arms wrap around your waist and pull you back to the couch. "let's ease up on 'im, darlin'."

you couldn't help yourself. "yeah, wouldn't want him to go all grease lightning on me."

"you are just askin' for trouble at this point, lil bit."

you grinned. "you know i'm just kiddin', bo. let's watch the movie, i won't say nothin' else, i promise. cross my heart." you made an X over your chest.

"yeah, yeah, whatever." bo crossed his arms over his own chest and leaned back in the chair as you started up the movie again.

a half hour later found all four of you (jonesy was passed out on the floor in front of the couch), including mr. grumpy gills, engrossed in the film.

bo no longer had his arms crossed and instead had his head in the palm of his hand, elbow rested against the arm of the chair, eyes soft for once while watching the pink ladies have their sleepover. vincent had pulled his hair away from his face and was leaning intently toward the television set, legs folded criss-cross; every once and a while he would lean down to pat jonesy on the side.

you were sat half on top of lester, whose arms were still around your middle, head rested against his shoulder. you couldn't see it, of course, but every time you'd sung along so far - much to bo's quiet annoyance - lester had watched you out of the corner of his eyes with a fondness that made his heart feel like it was so full it might burst.

on screen sandy walked down frenchy's front porch steps, and as she started singing "hopelessly devoted to you," you sang along, your breath ghosting over lester's neck.

he shivered, and by the time the scene ended he was able to look down at your face and catch a couple of unshed tears in your eyes. "i wouldn't do that to ya," he whispered.

you laughed, and it might've been a little soggy. "i know." you thought for a second. "i love you."

"i love you, too." lester leaned forward to kiss you, soft and tender, reminding you of the first time you'd kissed him.

a throw pillow hit you in the back of the head. "get a room."

"eat shit, bo."

<<we were doing so well.>>

you laughed, looking around at the brothers, at jonesy who hadn't even woken up at the commotion, at the movie that was still playing. "y'all are really the best family i ever coulda asked for."

bo fake retched. "don't push yer luck."

you smiled at him, shoved your feet underneath vincent, then settled back against lester to finish out movie night.

[msookyspooky]

Im watching The Lost Boys for the first time !! I wanna watch more horror movies, i only started watching the ones not for kids like last year sksksk so i have some catching up to do

And i think theres no one better to ask for recs than you spooky, so please send me your favorites !

Besides the scream franchise and, as of like yesterday, the first two Halloween movies i actually haven’t seen any big classics

I saw that AND Near Dark fuck yeah good for you!! You're getting a damn good head start lol Thanks for giving me this honor bc adgwadhfa I swear that's so nice of you 🥺🖤 Sadly, I really haven't found too many like Near Dark or Lost Boys. You could consider Fright Night or Vampires or Interview with a Vampire but imo they still don't have the same feel.

I'm elaborating on certain ones bc I think you'll really like them.

Cult Classic's with a decent following here on Tumblr so you can look at Fanart/fanfics afterwards:

- House of Wax (2005)

You'll like this one! Pretty decent sized fanbase here on tumblr, new content all the time even for it being almost 20 years old. Listen if you liked Severen in Near Dark...You'll probably like Bo cause not only do they look like they could be long lost cousins or brothers (I need a crossover that Severen is the Sinclair's like great-great-great Uncle or something and they run into each other while looking for food one night) and the Sinclair's got that thick Louisiana accent that's hot af especially if you thought Severen's Southern accent was hot 😏😤

Simping aside, the story is pretty good. It's a little morbid but in a good way, really great backstory for the villians and you know somethings off with this town right away. It also has Paris Hilton in it and Brian Van Holt plays both Bo and his twin brother Vincent. Oh, and Wade/the protagonist boyfriend is Sam from Supernatural.

- Jennifer's Body (2009)

- Ginger Snap's (2000)

- Texas Chainsaw Massacre

This one is different for everyone bc they made so many...So freaking many and none of them match up together. Not really, lmfao! I like the 2003 remake and 2006 remake prequel the best, then the original from the 70s, then 2 and 3 and 4 I lump together bc they are some campy wild as fuck rides. I laughed through most of them and then was mortified and then laughing again. It's truly peak camp horror. I personally dislike the newest one and the 3D one was *okay* but you can honestly pick and choose to watch any of them and it won't matter bc none of them relate to each other like they should. I would watch the original and the remake and whether you want to watch the remakes prequel in 2006 or number 2 onward etc is up to you!

- Childs Play & Bride of Chucky (1988 and 1998)

- Rob Zombies Halloween Remake

I think you should watch this one if you liked the original Halloween's it's a gritter remake and honestly this Michael scares me even more than the original. He's freaking like 7 feet tall. I have not watched Halloween Kills or any other newer ones with Jamie Lee Curtis and I need to! But I definitely think you should give this one a chance if you liked Halloween. If you ever see RZ Michael Myers on here in prompts or imagines; this is the Michael they're talking about.

- Evil Dead (1981)

*This one is a classic its as campy and gorey as it got for back then but be warned there's a SA scene you can skip where she goes out into the woods. When you see the vines wrap around her...SKIP. The rest is fine.*

- Fear Street (2021)

Honorable mentions that don't really have fandoms but should definitely be watched at least once:

- Pumpkinhead (1988)

It has Jesse from Near Dark/Lance Henrikson as the main character! I grew up with this one and it has that Appalachia horror vibe that's near and dear to my heart. It's about a man getting revenge for his dead son by a witch that lives deep in the mountainside. He pays her debt to summon a hellish demon to take revenge on the young adults that accidentally kill his little boy and leave him to die by the road but then Lance/ The Dad has to try and stop it when it goes too far.

- Tremors (1990)

- Night of the Demons (1988) *Flash Warning*

LMFAO my face when she stuck a lipstick tube through her... 'skin' 😦

I qoute this all the time 👹TeLL mE Im Preettyyy👹 lolol it's fun! Point blank, it is FUN! They were so dumb and decided "Let's open a portal to hell in an abandon funeral home on Halloween" 😃

- I Know What you did Last Summer

This isn't one of my favs bc Julie/the main character gets on my nerves so much. She is so fucking useless most of the movie...BBUUTTTT her friend Helen/Sarah Michelle Giler really makes up for it. It's very similar to Scream that they're being killed off one by one and have to figure out who it is before it's too late but it's not nearly as good as Scream imo. It was kind of a trend after Scream for movies like Valentine, IKWYDLS, Urban Legend etc to try and copy what Scream had and some are good! The Curve is an example! But none of them are Scream to me, not even close but It's worth a watch tho.

- Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Yes, the movie 1992)

- Trick r Treat (2007)

- The Craft (1996)

- Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)

- Salems Lot (It's getting a remake this year!!)

- House on Haunted Hill (1999)

- Ghostship (2002)

- The Skeleton Key (2005)

Horror Movies that are my favs that I found scary or creepy or were just that good:

- Pet Semetary (1989)

This is probably my all time favorite horror movie. It is so...Unnerving and eerie and gross without hardly any jump scares and zero cgi for the time. It's all just wonderful acting and special effects makeup and story telling. To this day as an adult, Rachel's sister in the bed makes me uneasy. Anything by Stephen King is usually good but this is by far my all time favorite. Other favorites by him are Carrie, Christine, Sleepwalkers, Firestarter, Children of the Corn, IT, Sometimes They Come Back, and The Shining just to name a few.

- Rosemary's Baby (1968)

- Orphan (2009)

DO NOT LOOK AT REVIEWS. I'D GIVE MY LEFT METAPHORICAL NUT TO REWATCH THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL OVER AGAIN!! Don't ruin it for yourself! Just find it, watch it and enjoy

It's ggoooddd, even tho I've only watched it twice, that was something else.

- The Descent (2005)

I'm claustrophobic and yes whats in the cave is scary but she gets STUCK at one point and I couldn't breathe. I was biting my nails like it's scary but couldn't be me cause I'll never go cave diving ever never ever. The cave itself was scarier than the creature im js.

- The Silence of the Lambs (1991)

- Us (2019)

- Suspiria (2018...I've never seen the original but it's on my list)

- The Others (2001)

- Jeepers Creepers (2001)

THIS ONE. It's probably going to be considered a classic in a few decades. It's this...THING stalking ppl for their body parts. It all could have been avoided if ppl minded there business in this case 🙃 They had the sister being the smart, brave one while the brother was more sensitive which was a nice change of pace for a horror movie

And they are the most realistic sibling duo I've ever seen in a movie too. No overly mushy, 'love you bro/love you sis' vibes. They call each other names but don't hesitate to save each other either while calling each other names. And did I mention the Thing/Creeper is scary af? I live near a cornfield. My parents would point to the sky and be like "OMFG WHAT IS THAT?!" KNOWING this thing terrified me and lil me was screaming and ready to windmill any demon coming from the sky or cornfield after me.

There might be a fandom for this but it's small if there is.

There's so many but I some are good, some are forgettable, some are downright out bad. I just tried to include ones like Scream or Near Dark or that I think you would like! Hope this helps and any followers feel free to drop any recommendations too!! 🖤

[dragonoffantasyandreality]

FabFiveFeb 2021 - Scott Tracy

Boat

Inspired by these cute videos.

https://youtu.be/To7L2-FwI-w

https://youtu.be/86ArPLUUI2g

Some prompts...And a certain tug… :3

(fluff for @willow-salix and @gumnut-logic )

-0-0-0-

It was a straight-forward rescue. Some poor woman was stuck at the bottom of the ravine during hiking and couldn't get out. But here's the catch, she had a 4 year old kid with her. Now that is a job for Scott.

When he landed, he managed to find the woman stuck in the raven. She turned out to be fine, except for the broken leg. The place she was in was cramped and almost dangerous, so it was a job for Virgil and Gordon.

But the problem was… the boy was nowhere to be seen.

Cobalt eyes darted everywhere around the inside of the ravine and around it. His heart rate felt like rode on a rollercoaster. It went up… Then fell down when he saw the tiny figure wandering curiously towards Thunderbird One.

"Hey there sweetie!" Scott called as he approached him. The color of auburn meets the color of cobalt. The little one continued walking, although a bit slower, while keeping eye contact with curiosity. It gave Scott some time to examine him: he looked very fine, although obviously worried for his mother. There was a small bruise on his left elbow (Scott had to investigate the kid further if there was any serious injury, despite looking okay). He wore no shoes… and he was holding a weird looking boat the size of a small salmon...

"Come'ere." He carefully grabbed the kid in his hands and began walking towards Thunderbird One. "You're gonna step on something! You're gonna step on something!" He playfully lifted the kid up and down with every repeat, causing the little one giggling hysterically with delight. He laughed along with him.

Some time later, Scott sat on his pilot seat letting the kid sit on his lap and play with his boat while they waited for Thunderbird Two to arrive. After some examining and some patching, the little one turned out to be okay.

Scott then took a look at the boat toy. It is a tugboat, more specifically a switcher (if it weren't for Gordon bashing him with boat facts that one time). Its varnish consists of yellow, its hooter of red and white with blue lines. And it had a face… a young, cheeky looking human face. And it wore a blue cap. The commander of IR concluded it's a character of some sort. Most likely from an old cartoon of the last century. Geez, some people still watch those kinds of stuff today?

"Who is your little friend?" He asked.

"Ten Cents! His name is Ten Cents!" The four year old boy exclaimed excitedly.

"Ten Cents?" That's an interesting name for a character, Scott thought.

"He's from Tugs! He's maw favorite! So daddy made ‘im for me!" The kid happily explained, showing off his toy to the commander. "I promise him I take him to the river, but mommy fall down a hole…" His face dropped at the last sentence. He was near to tearing up as he held his little tug boat closer to him. It broke Scott’s heart seeing him like this

"Don't worry, sweetie. Virgil and Gordon gonna get your momma out of there, okay? Then once momma's leg get fixed, you can take your little friend to the river again." Scott reassured him softly with a wide smile. It's a shame that the boy's fun had been ruined by an accident.

"Are they going use a tug?" Asked the little innocent pup.

"Yep. A giant, flying, green tug!" Scott grinned as he exaggerated with his hands. The kid giggled, as he told his little "friend" that the "giant, flying green tug" is going to save his mom. Kids being so innocent and imaginative warms the commander's heart, even if they can be tiresome sometimes.

Speaking of which, the little boy began asking questions. He asked about Thunderbird One. He asked about the controls and how they work. He even asked about his equipment and how they work! Scott answered them all, simple and straightforward so the kid developing the brain can digest the info nicely.

Then… the cheeky little bugger! He decided to mess with Scott's coms. His tiny hand reached out to his baldric and pressed to coms as he imitated the sounds of a hooter. The pilot managed to take his hand away, but overall was not mad at him. Kid's a smart ass for his age!

"Hey Scott, is your coms going off?" The commander laughed when he heard Virgil's confused voice.

"Uh, yeah. Kid's doing fine. He just sounded the hooter..." He reassured him jokingly. Then he heard what it sounds like a very loud snort.

"Very funny..." Virgil quipped mockly. Both Scott and the kid laughed.

The rescue may be straight-forward, but it was one of the best rescues Scott ever had. It was the same for the little soul that was cuddling in his arms, playing with his tugboat switcher named Ten Cents...

[heclingmuzik]

TIMELINE OF PAST AND CURRENT EVENTS

Some dates are inaccurate from the posted date and some don’t have dates, BUT I’ll be changing dates around just to fit her story a bit better and hopefully make sure things are more easier to understand. If I’ve forgotten to add any importantance between your muse and mine, please shoot me an IM!

-----

Arrived in Isola on January 24th, 2021. 

Upon arrival these are things that Ismael has gone through

On her first day arriving, Spirale was covered in sheets of snow with diamond creatures and diamond anything that would block the way. 

She was rescued by someone from those diamond yetis!

She found out that you can actually break diamond with diamond, and also FOUND KYRIE!

On January 26th, 2021

Curious about the hole, she decides to revisit it. 

This is where she meets the unpleasantries of the shadowy figure. She never got his name, BUT that shadowy figure looking thing is the cause of her first death. He pushed her into the hole.  to this day, no one knows. To this day, Kyrie does not know that Ismael has a tiny fear of heights now. 

{CAN’T FIND DATE} Was hired to work at Lovelyloaves by Mizi

On February 21st, 2021 she joined Big Dipper Talent!

Ismael has met and befriended plenty of people!

On April 1st, 2021

Game time? It’s weird and Ismael still doesn’t entirely understand what was going on, but it was fun. On her birthday, as part of the game, Ismael and Kyrie went diving....from the sky. Certainly a big step in that little fear of her’s!

She got a present afterwards! She hasn’t taken them off since!

She met someone shortly after. Nero. 

He’s looking for a way out, and despite hearing that it is impossible he seems extremely hellbent in returning home. Says he’s got someone waiting for him. Someone waiting for him shares the same name as her friend Kyrie. WHAT are the odds, huh! She has been searching for answers since to help aid him in this quest.

On April 6-20, 2021

On her way in search for parts for Nero, she decides to expand her searching by going to Yesteryear, attempt at Mistwood, and going through Fibonacci’s Shadier sides. 

 April 6 - In Yesteryear, she didn’t find anything, but instead met a man with a strange looking bird. Is it a crow or a raven? She still doesn’t know, but she’s beginning to think the bird is....pretty cool. 

April 10 - In Mistwood she didn’t even go in to check it out. This place will have to wait until she’s either with someone who can get them out in a pinch or just...when she feels she’s ready. Badou says there’s Deatheater? Deadeaters? Whatever the fuck. She’s not about to be eaten by no eatereaters. 

April 18 (Afternoon close to Eveningish) - Ismael tells Nero she wants to fight alongside him when he brings up that he might actually have to change his plan a bit. Says he’ll have to face the Stars first in order to prevent being brought back here. He won’t let her fight and that upsets her. They have a small argument about it. She’ll have to check up on him. Make sure he got home safe and make sure he’s okay. 

April 18 (Nighttime) - Ismael miscalculated the time and got overly cocky. If that’s what you can call it. She got stuck in the crowd and was rescued by a rather tall and scary man. He showed kindness, despite her screaming and lashing out because of fear. Same man decided to show her who he truly is by taking her to some building. 

IN an attempt to save the three men that were unlucky enough to meet Yamazaki in the same building for some shady business???? Ismael may have failed and may have actually been the result in them dying. 

During the time she is captured and held captive, forced to watch whatever unfolds before her eyes with Yamazaki and these poor unfortunate men, Nero sends in a text about finding someone who is willing to make his arm. She’s unable to get to the message until 2 days after in the evening. 

On April 21st, 2021

She finally steps out of her lone house to finally go grocery shopping that she’s been trying to avoid for the past couple of days since she got back from that night. A lot of stuff that she’d suppose to get done neglected.

In her attempt to be quick, in and out of grocery store, she meets Grimm. Someone she’s spent a lot of time with talking about music, playing, and listening.  .....If Grimm can see that something is wrong.... She’s really going to have to avoid seeing everyone else. 

On April 24th, 2021

It’s proving difficult to be at the house, let alone just the ward entirely. She used to actually enjoy being in Fibonnaci. Some of the people there are nice, but...Well, now she just wants out. No where is technically safe, but man, she really wants out of Fibonacci.

She’s been crashing at....one of the Branches. Yesteryear is one of them. She’s beenn sleeping outside in her makeshift camp for a little over two days. She will stop by her home to get more supplies and the things she needs, but only then. 

She’s more than likely going to check with the Stars. See if they will let her move houses.

She wants to ask the stars to move her, but again, the thought of ‘nowhere is really safe’ lingers at the back of her mind. She can move anywhere in the Wards or branches if that’s the case, but....HE will be there....Even if he isn’t. 

On April 27th, 2021

Ismael finally gaining the courage after talking to Dune, decides to text Grimm and Nero.

She tells them what happened that night with Yamazaki. She’s not ready to talk to Kyrie about the event and isn’t quite sure when she will be ready. 

Currently she is crashing at Grimm’s. Occasionally will crash at Nero’s, because she doesn’t want to just burden the one. Sometimes, she’ll be outside, in one of the branches. Sometimes she’ll tell the two where she’s going and other times she will not.

Kyrie remains to be in the dark about the whole situation, as through text, Ismael can pretend that everything IS fine to a perfect T. 

On April 30th, 2021

She hits V up in hopes that he and his friend would be available to help her with a task. She’s been working on her archery skill and decided that in order to work on the small fear of heights, she’d pick up parkouring. Makes sense, right? Let’s see how this all goes.

On May 1, 2021

Ismael was once again debating on if she should venture into Mistwood or not. Only this time, instead of it being Badou to stop her in her tracks, it is none other than V. Where did he even come from? And will she ever actually check the woods out?

Don’t remember exact date

Ismael’s purchase of her Bow and fire elemental fragmentation were delivered to her. She’s been practicing more often. She also received her hoverboard as well.

On  May 2nd, 2021

Ismael has once again come across Yamazaki. This time nothing happened and weirdly enough, it...was as if he was trying to help her get rid of that fear? Too bad he’s extremely unpredictable and what’s done is done. Though, she can’t deny that she hopes that ONE day she can actually look at him without fearing. That one day she can say his name without the memories of what happened...Or even if the memories are still there, she’s able to hold her ground and stay strong. 

Until then, she’s practicing. She’s working on bettering herself, strengthen herself both mentally, emotionally, and physically. 

She is getting a little better. Still nightmares plague her during the night, but she’s able to talk about what happened. May not be in full details, but it’s enough to understand ‘ah, so that’s what Ismael went through.’ 

Trying to face her fears is a lot harder than she thought. BUT she’s working on it. She’s hoping that even through fear she will be brave. 

And every day, Ismael is reminded that she does have people here who cares for her and her them. It just makes these little horrible moments just a tad bit more bearable. She has so many people to thank!

And yes, this very same day she’s made her way into the woods. It may have been because she wasn’t thinking where she was running until it was too late. Whoops. Here, she’s met Mew. The pink cat that Nero helped. 

On May 4th, 2021

Ismael decides to ask Nero a favor. She asks him if he would be okay in going to that building where she had been held captive and check for those bodies that she had left behind. 

Nero ended up sent to the hospital when an unexpected turn of event led him and another guy there. 

She feels guilt and blames herself for Nero’s injuries. 

At the hospital on the same day while waiting for Nero, she meets Yamazaki again. 

On May 8th, 2021

Ismael takes Nero’s words to heart from before when he got injured. When they were at the park he had said something along the lines of not holding something from someone. That being honest was more better. She decides to tell Kyrie of the things that she had suffered through. 

Ismael is significantly getting better at not just archery, but handling things that has been happening in her life. The nightmares are still there. Sometime she catches herself in tears when she wakes, or a yelp in the middle of her sleep. Still, Ismael is doing her best!

On June 4th, 2021

There was an art museum that Ismael decided to attend to. Upon seeing a portrait, she finds out from Kyrie that the art is Yaira. 

That very same day, everything in the museum comes to life and starts attacking people, including there being monsters added onto the chaos. 

Ismael does not make it through. She ends up being injured fairly badly and passes away from said injury by the very hands of Yaira (an evil portrait.)

In the moment of her passing, she gets to meet Yaira (The good portrait that Kyrie made.)

On July 10th, 2021

Ismael undergoes a extremely life-changing situation. The stars manages to throw Ismael back into her world but reverse time with Ismael’s memories of Isola intact and was told that she’d remember bits and pieces and the more she continued onward the more memories she’d remember.

With the option to leave at any time, Ismael continued through her memory to the end and found out that Yaira was her sister all along. 

Currently Ismael suffers from guilt, anger, self-hate, and so much more. She hasn’t been taking care of herself but still continues on with music, training,  and her faith....If only to try and push through. 

On July 21st

Ismael decides to contact Kyrie after a few days of just sending them texts to ask them about Yaira. She has a lot of questions and hopes that Kyrie can help her with them. She’s not entirely sure how she’s going to take any information if it turns out that Kyrie knew something and kept it from her. 

MORE TO BE ADDED

will be updated accordingly!

[rigelmejo]

march 3/15/2021

im trying to read through tae kim’s grammar guide right now because i’m officially further in the nukemarine LLJ  memrise decks (there’s tae kim grammar guide sections in there) than i am in actually reading the grammar guide. And obviously these example sentences in the memrise deck would teach me more if i CLEARLY understood why they’re like how they are. which i... need to read the grammar guide section to understand lol.

my goal rn with japanese is? to get further in the nukemarine LLJ decks than i did last time. I’ve already mildly accomplished that (have done officially MORE of the tae kim section than before, have NOT redone the 190 common words i did last time i did this though). there are about 400 more cards in this tae kim section (LLJ 4) and then 1000ish cards in the common word section (LLJ 5). I would love to get them done. 

it would be sweet if i could get them done before April 22?/24? whenever Nier Replicant comes out because then I could play that baby in english and japanese! Then Nier Automata! ToT The Entire thing that kicked me back into wanting to study japanese was my old love for certain video games and desperately wanting to know what their stories/characters are like before translation/localization. So it would be cool if I could play them a little ;-; or at least check out lets plays. 

(which, checking out the kh2 lets play has been going pretty well so far... also that part where namine says “we aren’t meant to exist” and roxas says “how could you say such a thing? even if it were true” he says in japanese like “thats brutal/harsh to say. even if its true.” ...great to know that line is equally raw and heartbreaking in japanese lol. KH2′s localization did real good on like equal vibe to original just like ‘less nuanced’ if that makes sense. also thanks to the chinese hanzi i know now watching the KH2 lets play means i can figure out a lot of noun’s writing even though i don’t catch the pronunciation... also i’m catching a lot of words that mean like ‘beautiful/good’ as in like ‘great move’ and ‘dang’ lol.)

i had to stop myself from redoing the chinese flashcards i’ve done in the past! because i get ‘into a zone’ lol. And i really don’t need to waste time redoing those 2000 cards. i also needed to stop myself from doing the hsk 5-6 cards. because realistically? i know half of them, i should just set a lot to ‘ignore’ on the computer but im too lazy, and i’m learning a lot of vocab from reading right now. i don’t need hsk words to pass any test. The words i’m learning right now in reading are a lot more applicable to the actual shows i watch/things i listen to/things i read. its more useful to me to keep reading. and also to not sidetrack my japanese lol. i have read... 39 chapters this month... this month is only half over! hanshe is truly motivating ToT it also helps the story CONSTANTLY ends on cliffhangers so i keep clicking next chapter. who knows, maybe hanshe will help me kick up my reading speed. it already shaved off 10 minutes per 20 pages - now my 20 pages are down to 30 minutes to read, which is better than a few months ago. hanshe has 155 chapters so i HOPE it speeds up my reading lol.

hanshe is increasing my vocab though, its definitely noticeable over time. and hanshe has really good repetition of vocab which helps with learning and later the payoff means i never have to look up the word in future once its learned while it remains useful to me and i keep being reminded of it. after i get bored of hanshe OR i finish it, whichever comes first, its either back to a priest novel or into another pingxie fanfic written by hanshe’s author. The author did one fanfic that’s only 33 chapters so that would be NICE to do after this one lol ToT

summary of what’s turned out to be my studying methods this month:

Japanese:

reading through grammar guides (the one yue-muffin made and tae kim’s). so just grammar explanation reading.

doing nukemarine LLJ decks (in the ACTUAL order they are in the deck to completion - last time i did like 3 per time and never finished any lol. this is bolded because it’s the primary activity i’m prioritizing). so SRS flashcards. it’s working well right now because i can just put this activity in anytime i have downtime, like when i pause shows (since we know me i gotta take a break from a show every 20 minutes lol). i am bafflingly in a flashcard mood and i’m trying to take advantage of it while i got it. 

*when i feel like it: watching kh2 lets play. so some immersion where i look up words. (and when Nier Replicant remaster releases next month I’m likely to at least a tiny bit try to play it in japanese ToT lol we’ll see)

so grammar reading, srs flashcards covering some grammar/listening/reading/vocab, and some optional immersion.

(a note: i gave up on the japaneseaudiolessons for now because i got bored. its a great resource! i just don’t feel like it right now. and from an efficiency perspective, nukemarine LLJ decks cover vocab, grammar, audio, reading - so I don’t need another resource for that right now).

Chinese:

reading through hanshe. so immersion reading, intensive reading looking up unknown words. (unknown words are happening less so its getting less ‘intense’ lol)

listening to Chinese Spoonfed Audio. so listening to audio flashcards. for building up listening comprehension/repetition to pick up some more common words. (i’ve been doing this during daily walks making it much easier for me to consistently do, doing it mainly to supplement the Reading Heavy study i’m doing, i can drop this and pick it up later if i want since its mostly easy background listening)

*I am slowly rereading the grammar guide on www.chinese-grammar.com for explicit grammar clarification. but this is not a high priority, since I sort of implicitly understand a lot of this and i’m not working on fixing production mistakes yet. i just... miss knowing wtf is going on in the grammar lol.

*when i feel like it: Listening Reading The Glass Maiden/Love and Redemption Novel. I’ve done 2-3 hours of it this past week, but i don’t know when or if I’ll just stop. Thankfully l-r is beneficial somewhat even if i switch up books later. i WANT to L-R you have no idea (to Silent Reading and Guardian REALLY badly lol). But its so time intensive, and requires a lot of focus, and i have to really plan to do it for an hour at a time usually. I am so bad at doing stuff for that long consistently. I was in the mood earlier this week! ToT 

*when i feel like it: watching chinese shows raw. I was super in the mood this month because Word of Honor came out, and Killer and Healer came out, and Rattan came out, and I didn’t want to wait for subs. As a result I watched a LOT of raw episodes this month. However, english subs have caught up and since I’m lazy I’m inclined to just watch the subs - especially since youku ITSELF just put english subs on their most-ahead viewing schedule version of the eps on youku vip. so guess who’s buying youuku vip today? -3-)/ That said... even if I stop for a while, if Rattan subs move too slow I’ll probably watch those raw. And as SOON as 2ha’s drama Immortality drops I am highly likely to watch the raws for that since I likely won’t be able to wait. Watching shows is pretty highly dependent on how much I want to watch something and if subs take a while lol. 

so reading, and listening. and a little listening-reading method too. mainly just working on reading, listening, vocab acquisition. chinese is going good - for a few months now i’ve just had the plan ‘read often while looking up unknown words, and add some listening study activity when i have time.’ It’s simple, and its been working well.  later on down the road i’ll need some explicit grammar clarification again, but this is bare bones enough of a study plan at the moment. i’m clearly picking up words and phrases and hanzi at a reasonable pace. its not the Fastest obviously, but it is causing improvement over time and since i’m enjoying it i see no reason to change it up.

ending things

...who knows WHY i am so well focused this month with so much energy... tbh... i track how many chapters i read a month/audio i listen to/show episodes i watch etc, and this month is like as much as 3 other of my usual months combined. also my japanese has been basically ‘dabbling only’ prior to this month.

 although... maybe in part its how i’ve gotten better at reading hanshe? Reading being easier certainly motivates me TO read more. And watching shows was MUCH easier this month (still not ‘easy’ but following the main plot is) which definitely makes me Want to watch more. Also i am... unbelievably motivated by a challenge. I think i got it in my head that i ‘really want to do more of Nukemarine’s LLJ courses and see how much i understand after them’ and now... i really want them DONE. so maybe the current things motivating me will hold out for a while. 

(On the listening-reading front meanwhile, that activity takes SO much concentration its hard to do if i’m tired, BUT i have so many TRANSLATED novels i want to read recently and honestly its fun hearing the chinese narration and audiobook actors so like... i very much Want to do l-r so i can hear them as i read the translation... immovable object of me tired versus how much i’m interested in them lol ToT).

also thank u thank u @a-whump-muffin for sending me those lets plays because honestly it got me so excited again and its so cool to see them!!! <3 <3 and its so much easier to watch them versus committing to playing a whole game myself just yet ToT 

[redneckangelsdrinkmoonshine]

Heaven Forbid/ 5. November, 2021

Chapter 1 - "When It Rains, It Pours" (draft)

It was almost as if the Georgian skies were falling apart; rain poured down freely while the wind wailed like a banshee that was hiding somewhere off in the distance. It seemed to carry the same promise of death and destruction.

The wipers of the Impala squeaked and screeched like never as they struggled to fight off the Tsunami that was gathered at the bottom of the windshield. Sam thought that he should maybe turn them off, at least then his brother wouldn’t have to get new ones because these were bound to break any second. However, that was the least of their concerns, and they seemed to have plenty. Surprisingly, the storm with chances of a tornado wasn’t one of them either. What was, was currently bleeding out on the backseat while Dean’s shaky hands applied pressure to the wound on the poor creature’s abdomen while holding him at a weird angle so neither his back or stomach were in contact with the seat. Creature, because they had no idea what Cas was anyway.

Castiel started coughing violently when he and Dean jerked to the side due to the harsh turn. Dean wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing, but he decided it was a good thing; if Cas had enough air in his lungs to cough then he was going to be alright. “Okay, Sammy, we’re gonna go down Chestlehurst road, pass two churches, cross the bridge that goes over Keg creek, then at the end of the street you’re gonna make a left. Then we go down, the farm is on the right.”

“Go a bit faster, Goddammit! Would’ve been faster if we carried the freaking car there!” The last part was muttered under Dean’s breath, his wide, green eyes skimmed all over the place, from the red of Cas’s blood to the scenery that passed by them, always searching for the signs on the highway, showing which miles they passed. Dean’s free hand cradled Cas’s head closer to his chest as his other hand pressed down even harder, letting out a barely there sigh when Cas muttered some nonsense under his breath, “Ey buddy, just hang on a little longer, alright? You’re a tough son of a bitch, the toughest one I know.” Castiel's shirtless self was shivering hard, which was understandable, he had lost a lot of blood. Dean paused before he buried his face in Castiel’s dirty, tousled hair and planted a careful kiss on the top of his head, “Don’t you dare prove me wrong, you hear me? I know you hate to disappoint me, you’ve never done that so don’t start now, okay?”

The older Winchester continued to track the plates on the highway, making a mental check to make sure they were heading the right way. He sighed in relief when he saw the exit, along with the sign that said “sixteen”, “Here! Right here!”

Dean cursed under his breath when he felt the blood soak through the handkerchief and seep into his hand like ink, he didn't even want to think about the open wounds on his back which were left to the mercy of the air, “Alright Sammy, I don’t care about the freaking damage from potholes or whatever, Baby can handle it, however – look, the shock absorbers are stronger than Cas right now so just go freaking faster.”

They were almost there but it still felt as if it would take ten more hours. Just when Dean started to fear the worst because Cas was way too quiet for way too long and almost completely unresponsive, the farm came into view. He patted Cas’s shoulder as his younger brother breathed out a sigh of relief, “It’s okay Cas, we’re here, we’re gonna be okay.” Just when Dean was ready to let out a colorful combination of curse words, relief washed over him when he saw that the storm had taken care of the gate that would’ve been in their way was it otherwise. Sam went all the way to the house, parking the car on the side. He opened his door as Dean gave him instructions, “Tell them we need help, I don’t want to move him unless I know exactly how to.” Sam nodded as he scrambled out of the Impala and rounded the side of the house. Dean took in a shaky breath and all of the air left his lungs when he noticed that Castiel was way too still for his liking, “Cas? Castiel?!”

The door to his side opened and there stood Sam, a man with a white beard and a guy who looked way too much like Bobby. They helped get Cas out of the car gently, somehow Castiel didn’t even grunt in protest, and once Dean was somewhat stable on his feet, he accepted the weight of the fallen angel in his arms. The older man spoke,”We’ve gotta take ‘im to the infirmary, from what I see we don’t have much time.”

-

The storm had calmed, but not the one inside Dean’s head. He was sitting on a chair, his eyes were unfocused and his dull nails were picking at the blood that seemed to be almost like ink that was deep under his skin. The rain outside was nothing but a calm drizzle, however it caused them nothing but anxiety. Sam was pacing back and forth, shooting worried glances at his brother, but Dean didn’t even have the energy to tell him he was fine. Maybe because he wasn’t, he was far from it.

The scene from earlier that day played in his mind on repeat, over and over again. His own terrified scream made his ears ring and his head pound, the vision of Castiel chained up like a rabbit with zero signs of life showing. Surprisingly the only threat was a deep wound in his abdomen that made both Sam and Dean fear that he had already lost a lot of blood, but thankfully that wasn’t the case. It was almost like Cas had fought so hard to stay alive just so he could make sure they found him so he could say goodbye.

The brothers finally regained their control and returned to the plan, they had to get Castiel out of these chains and into the Impala. Dean stood in front of Castiel yet again, ready to catch him before he fell. However, when Sam started to undo the restrains, Castiel’s eyes opened but he didn’t seem to see a thing. His mouth was open in a silent scream, ready to fight whoever was in sight which made Dean equally terrified and proud. But then Castiel’s eyes finally met Dean’s and he immediately calmed down. He tilted his head to the side in his typical Cas way before he breathed out with a barely there smile, “Dean?” With that, his eyes rolled back and Dean accepted Castiel’s limp body into his arms when the last chain was undone.

Of course, they couldn't have nice things. They found Castiel, he was alive, but the wound on his abdomen wasn't the only major one.

When Dean cradled Cas’s face in his shaky hands, his vision was blurry with tears. Sam started to undo the chains while Dean got in the right position to accept Castiel’s weight, but then Sam jumped back with a startled "Son of a bitch!". Of course it didn't sound well, so Dean went to stand next to Sam. The sight in front of them was gruesome: there were six slices across Castiel's back, parallel to one another. The longest set was seven inches long and about three inches wide, the other two were about five inches in length and two inches in width. The longest set was the one in the middle, the first row was on the shoulder blades and the third was maybe just shy of the small of Castiel's back. Slightly underneath them, on either side of Castiel's loin, about eight inches under where the third set of cuts ended stood another set of wounds, but in a round shape. They were slightly burned, almost as if whoever made these cuts decided to seal them shut. Their attempt to stop the bleeding was more or less useless, because blood still oozed and trickled down slowly but steadily.

When the two week marker of Castiel’s absence hit, Dean decided to look for clues. However, he had no idea where to begin. Thankfully, when Dean used his heart, Sam used his brain.

All types of feelings burned in his veins. Dean was overwhelmed with sadness, anger, hurt, and hopelessness, but the worst of it all was grief. What was he going to tell Claire and Jack? Why did Cas go off somewhere in the first place, without even telling Dean? That son of a bitch had to have the nerve to die before answering Dean’s many questions.

Dean had no idea how it was so hard for Cas to learn. Through the past thirteen years, whenever Castiel or any of their trio, sometimes even the extended crew, whenever anyone didn’t tell the others what they were up to something bad happened. But Castiel always took it to the next level. The thing with the Leviathans was bad, then Naomi, Metatron. From bad to worse. However, Cas getting stabbed and not having the ability to heal himself? That only meant one thing, Castiel’s grace was damaged or completely gone. He was no longer an angel. Dean decided that Castiel had scraped the absolute bottom.

Back in the beginning of it all, when their father had disappeared and Dean went to look for him with Sam, they looked for clues in John’s journal. Ever since they found the bunker, they no longer used that thing. Whenever Castiel was around and they didn’t have a case, he would sit around with a book. Castiel was the only one who had read all of the books, some of them even more than once and whenever he left the bunker, he would come back with even more books, some were normal novels, others were books they could use for research. That one thing Castiel loved to read more than anything was John’s journal. When Dean noticed that his friend had read the journal for the fiftieth the time, the next time he went out to get more beer and some pie, he stopped by the bookstore he knew Cas liked and bought a travel journal. The thing looked quite thick, it had enough pages for Cas to fill with his smartass thoughts and discoveries. Dean even bought a bunch of pens and some pencils, along with a sharpener and an eraser, for all he knew Castiel was a hidden Picasso. The only reason Dean had bought that journal was because the leather covers were the same beige as Castiel’s trench coat and the silk string that separated the pages was the deep shade of blue that was Cas’s newest suit.

Castiel was stunned, he opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. He carefully peered inside the bag and a child-like innocence lit up his face. His eyes were wide and Dean decided to ignore the way his heart started beating faster. He shrugged as he pushed himself away from the door frame, “At this point you’ve read dad’s journal a hundred times. I’m sure you’re an expert now and I, I decided it’d be a good idea to create your own journal.” Castiel’s lips trembled slightly before he beamed with an adorable, sickeningly-sweet smile on his face, the type of smile that made his nose scrunch up and the corners of his eyes crinkle, “Thank you.” Dean nodded as he rubbed the back of his neck. He sighed before he reached out and patted Castiel’s chest gently, “Alright, get in the shower, you smell like crap.” Castiel rolled his eyes with a hint of a smile before he stepped back enough to close the door.

Dean knew he would always remember Castiel’s face when he gave him that journal. He had it in a simple paper bag, Cas was in his room in the bunker, the number fifteen was no longer black, Cas had changed it to gold when he claimed the room as his own.

Cas and Dean never knocked on each other’s doors. When he opened the door, Dean was taken by surprise when he saw Castiel doing handstand push-ups in perfect form, “Damn, I don’t know if I should come back later or go get some popcorn and a drink.” Dean had to mask his laughter with a cough when he scared Castiel so badly that he crumbled to the ground with a squeak, “Y’know Cas, I thought angels were supposed to be graceful-” “And I thought humans did that thing where they knock and ask for permission before they enter a closed door.” Dean tried to look wherever but his eyes were glued to Cas's naked, sweaty upper body. The fact that he wore some of Dean's old sweats didn't help at all. Maybe the angel knew what he was doing because he purposefully lifted himself on his hands before he set down his feet and slowly straightened up to his full height. Dean cocked his head to the side in surprise, “I didn’t know you have a tattoo.” Cas looked at the ink on his ribs as he scratched it, “Got it back when I was human. Angels were, as you say, on my ass, and I needed to protect myself somehow. It hurt like hell but I ended up liking it. I could heal it completely, remove the ink from my body if I wanted to, but I don’t mind it.” He undid the strings of his pants to redo them and Dean found it nearly impossible to look Cas in the eyes, “What’s up, is there a case?” Dean shook his head as he licked his lips, “Nah, we’ve got a day off, for now. Look, I've, uh, I’ve got something for you.” He held out the bag with a small smile.

Castiel loved that journal way too much. He carried it everywhere and wrote in it a lot. He would sit at the big wooden table, surrounded by books and he would write whatever he found important in a notebook, then write it in the journal and he would even separate the different subjects and highlight important things. From thoughts to detailed sketches here and there that made John’s sketches look like doodles done by a toddler. Dean knew all of that because Cas would show him his progress from time to time. Of course Dean waited until Cas was not around so he could read whatever was on Cas’s mind. There was a single section of the journal that was written in Enochian and the fact that Dean didn’t understand it pissed him off, but he never asked what any of these words meant, because he respected Castiel's privacy.

Looking through John’s journal helped them find him so Sam was sure that if there was a place where they’d find any useful information it would be in Castiel’s journal. Dean had found it in the pocket of Castiel’s trench coat which was folded on the foot of Castiel’s bed. That was a huge red flag since Castiel never took it off and never went anywhere without the journal unless he was going to get in some real dirty business.

The man moved on, this time talking about Castiel's recovery, "We need to be sure he’s going to make it through the night, when he wakes up we’re going to turn the respirator off and we're going to figure out a way to make him rest on his side so he wouldn't have to put pressure on his back. I suggest someone stays with him all the time, I will also send one of my daughters from time to time to check his vitals. If all goes well, he should wake up tomorrow, well, today by noon. Worst case scenario, he'd be out for days, but he should pull through.” Sam sighed as he put a hand on his chest, sincerity dripping from his tone, “Thank you so, so much and I apologize for coming so late, but you were the only option we really had. We were sure you would be the best shot.” Dean nodded as he shoved his hands in his pockets, “Yea, really, that guy there? He’s family. We‘re really, really grateful for what you did. Every single second you spent working on him. Thank you.” The elderly one nodded his head, his deep eyes showing nothing but kindness and sympathy. “Thank me when he wakes up, son. I’m sorry about Bobby. He was a good man, such a shame he’s no longer with us.”

The door to the living room opened and the brothers looked at the newcomers. The man from the earlier walked inside, followed by a woman with kind eyes and blonde hair. The man was still wiping his hands on a towel, smears of Castiel’s blood stood out his snow-white shirt. Dean quickly got to his feet as he turned to the man, ignoring the warning look his brother sent him, “How is he? Is he going to be okay?” The man gave a single nod as he replied, “He is stable. I have fixed people up before, but I wasn’t really sure if he’s human at all, not that I wouldn’t have helped him, I just needed some time and information. Your guy is a lucky one, people with his injuries usually don’t last as long as he did. He’s going to be okay.” Dean sighed as he allowed his chin to fall against his chest while Sam slapped his back in victory. They returned their attention to the man when he spoke up, “He’s under right now, the medication I fixed in his IV is going to make him rather drowsy for a while, but his body needs to rest. There were multiple stab wounds, cuts, and bruises. Clear signs of torture. The stab wound in his abdomen is like nothing I’ve ever seen before, the ones on his back... I had to operate, but it should heal nicely. For now we’re keeping him on a respirator, better safe than sorry. There's an extra cocktail of pain killers because until he wakes up, he has to rest on his back and even if the removal was done nicely -" "Wait, removal?" Dean stepped forward as he pointed military-style, all five fingers pointed at Hershell, "What do you mean by removal?"

The older man was quiet for a second, trying to choose his words wisely, "If I'm not mistaken, your friend is an angel. A Seraph, judging by the count of the wings. I'm a religious man and to be completely honest, I have no idea how they did what they did... But the easy explanation would be that your friend had his wings and uropygial glands removed. I can't say anything else now until your friend has woken up and I've been able to run an actual check-up. There are zero traces of grace, of anything holy for that matter. He was turned mortal in a surgical way, something I've read about in some Norse myths." Dean lifted his hand and wiped his mouth, struggling to bottle the fear he felt. Sam had gone visibly pale and he was gaping like a fish out of water, so Dean could only guess that the news had hit him just as hard.

A moment of silence followed, Dean had to bite his tongue to swallow the urge to roll his eyes at the man and his wife when they did the “cross my heart and hope to die”. Dean reached out his hand as he introduced himself and his brother, “I’m Dean, this is my brother, Sam. The guy back there, his name is Castiel, but we call him Cas for short.” They all shook hands and then the man put a hand on the woman’s back, “I’m Hershel. This here, is my wife Anette. She pretty much did most of the work, thank God she’s a nurse, just like our youngest, Beth. These two are the brains, I’m nothing but a Christian man and a vet with a little bit of basic knowledge.”

Both Dean and Sam gulped at the same time. They shared a look, “A vet? Like... You mean a military doctor or-” Sam paled while his brother simply stood speechless, “-you mean veterinarian.” Hershel nodded before he shot a look at his wife who was struggling to hide her amusement. Dean cleared his throat as he pointed towards the door, “You, do you mind if I go check up on him? Y’know, just to make sure you haven’t attached bunny ears to him or some-” The “thing” came out in a grunt when Sam elbowed his brother a bit too harshly. Hershel gave him a nod as he stepped out of the way.

-

Mud stuck to Dean’s boots and he cringed when he saw that he had already left a print or two on the white tile floor of the infirmary. He paused to take them off by the front door and just as he was putting the left boot next to the right, he heard a voice, “Hey, don’t worry about it, I’m going to clean up in a second.”

While the girl got back to wiping the floors, Dean took his sweet ass time in front of the door that separated him from Castiel. He was afraid his heart was going to burst from anxiety. He bowed his head as he allowed his body to shake off the nerves, “Alright, stop acting like a chick.” He breathed in through his nose before he almost angrily gripped the door handle.

There was a girl that reminded him of the human version of Bambi. Her blonde curls were up in a messy ponytail with a fell braids here and there, her big blue eyes were almost like skies on a hot, summer day.

She had a kind smile on her clean, round face, such a comforting smile that Dean felt his own lips quirk up, “Don’t want to give you any more work, I’m sure we’ve already made a mess.” The girl was almost offended by Dean’s comment, “No, no! It’s okay, really! Like Daddy says, a good Christian is always there to help people.” Dean’s smile flattened a bit, but he made sure it wasn’t obvious, “Sure, I agree, I guess. Hershel is your dad, which probably makes you Beth?” The girl nodded with a soft "mm" sound as Dean awkwardly padded his way over to her in his socketed feet. He felt almost naked without the comfort of his boots but he tried to ignore it, “I’m Dean.” They shook hands, Dean was surprised by her firm grip and slightly calloused, warm hand, “Thank you for what you did to help our friend. His name is Castiel, by the way.” Beth’s smile softened, sympathy overtook her angelic features. “Oh, don’t even mention it!” She did a quick once-over and a childish mischievousness showed in her eyes, “I should probably let you get to him, would be nice for you to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up. Goodnight, Dean.” Dean paused before he decided to ignore it and instead flashed her a smile, “Goodnight, Beth.”

Just as he opened the door, he stopped like a deer in headlights. Once he snapped out of it, he closed the door so he could give them some privacy. Well, himself. Because he didn’t want to break down in front of Beth.

Castiel looked so small, he almost disappeared in the bed. The machines beeped, one dripped, the scariest of them was the one that hummed as it blew air into something that was like a muzzle, hiding that beautiful face. Castiel almost didn’t look like himself, the hospital gown was way too huge on him and he looked like he was drowning in that clothing.

There was a cut over his left eyebrow, another cut that seemed to go all the way from his bottom lip went down to his chin. He was wearing a shiner, his cheekbone was a sick, dark purple with red dots all over it, the corners of the bruise were already an ugly shade of green. However Dean knew that these injuries were nothing compared to the wound on his abdomen.

Dean lowered himself on the chair by Castiel’s bedside. His panicked eyes roamed all over the room and then over Castiel. He took a shaky breath before he reached over and took Castiel’s hand in his, “Alright, Cas, you son of a bitch. No matter what happens, no matter what you did, we’re gonna figure it out. You, me and the gang. You just need to wake up. That’s all, that’s all we need from you.” He furrowed his eyebrows as his eyes finally settled on Castiel’s closed ones, “That’s all I need from you. I need you.”

Dean’s hand went up to drag his palm over his face before he ran his fingers through his hair and pulled, hoping that pain would wake him up from whatever nightmare he was in. Even if Castiel’s injuries weren’t that bad, Dean knew that the emotional damage would be hard for Castiel to handle.

Castiel was drowning in guilt as an angel and angels weren’t supposed to feel emotions. Sure, Castiel was different, almost special, but he was still an angel. Angels were God’s soldiers. There was no thing such as a military man that walked away with all of his mentality. PTSD, depression, anxiety, that was just some of it. Castiel was once God's best soldier, a commander of his garrison, not to mention how many times Castiel proved that even if he was protecting the humans on Earth, his biggest priority was to serve God. Well, it used to be. Dean saw it all happen with his own eyes, the day Jack became God was the day Castiel gave up on religion and instead chose family. However, his past was still heavy on his shoulders. Dean was one to know God’s ways weren’t fair, so he didn’t even want to know, didn’t want to think of what Castiel had to do in Chuck’s name. Not to mention the things he did after he joined Team Free Will, the things he was so guilty of and the ones that once made him consider suicide.

[multitudeofmeus]

I posted 751 times in 2021

693 posts created (92%)

58 posts reblogged (8%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 0.1 posts.

I added 763 tags in 2021

#ca!jade - 364 posts

#jade - 86 posts

#chubstuck - 73 posts

#fatstuck - 72 posts

#werefat nonsense - 64 posts

#mun mumbles - 41 posts

#canon yabberings - 24 posts

#not really chub - 15 posts

#nep - 14 posts

#uberbig - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 83 characters

#this meant to come out earlier but i forgot to set it to send instead of save draft

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

hmph. you're lucky you're cute. here's another $200, go wild. this time i expect to see a little belly skin, alright? and for you to finish BOTH pizzas.

VIDEO TITLE: HOLY MOLY!?! (pizza vid followup)

"two hundred? i could pay a months rent with that!! well im on it!"

Sure enough, Jade forewent any sense of scruples a regular person would have, taking all the other 2 pizzas that were in the freezer.

"i know you all want the food part so i wont keep you waiting! this heres an old harley cooking trick..."

Holding both pizzas in her grip, Jade uses her space powers to "Lightly Irradiate" the pizzas. Hopefully radiation doesn't ruin the flavor, but when Jade tears into them, she probably wouldn't even tell the difference. Jeez, did she even TASTE them?

Doesn't matter. What does matter is that she finished both the pizzas. Steps away from a food coma, Jade plops into the comfiest chair in the house, too tired to stand.

"is there something im forgetting... oh! the tum!"

Without hesitation, Jade pulls back her godtier shirt, the stuffed-red stomach shown to her viewers, giving it a light rub to ease the tension... wait, that's not normal. Are tummies supposed to be glowing green? Perhaps irradiating your pizzas out of impatience isn't the smartest idea...

"thats normal... right? :o"

COMMENTS:

first!

hot

6 notes • Posted 2021-07-05 03:41:44 GMT

#4

Starter post thing

(Hello! This is the mun speaking. I'm making this starter post so people have something to reblog, because I need some anons. I'm trying for a story-ish based rp kink blog, featuring Jade in an unfamiliar situation. Expect inflation and stuff. So, please reblog! I need the traffic. Expect a starter post for the story soon.)

6 notes • Posted 2021-07-04 03:24:38 GMT

#3

(Y'know, if I'm going to get interaction, I think the best approach is an active one. Let people know you're still kicking around, maybe find the dms of a few like-minded people.

Does anybody know anyone into chub/inflationstuck worth talking to?)

9 notes • Posted 2021-11-26 02:34:27 GMT

#2

man, i really wanna see werefat jade transforming. sounds awesome.

Alright, so imagine this: skinny, svelte Jade. Unassuming. But then, there's a bad moon rising.

Symptoms are unnoticeable at first, from a first person perspective. Dog ears flick in confusion. Fangs gently scrape the lower gums.

Suddenly, rumbling. Deep rumbling, as if her entire body is bracing for an impact then inside.

Then, a slight gut. Barely peeking out from under her shirt. Barely noticeable, for now. But it's getting larger, slowly yet surely.

Everything else is starting to catch up as well. Thighs start to chafe. The slightest wobble can be noticed as what was once a mediocre posterior starts to push against fabric. A tightness in the chest causes Jade to wonder if she forgot something.

Nevertheless, she sits down to think about said forgotten topic, rubbing a developing second chin as she wracks her brain for answers.

And then she remembers: Tonight's a full moon night.

"heck!!! i had plans tonight!" She thinks, before deciding to try and send a text to tell the others she won't be able to show up. But as it turns out, texting is hard when your hands are fat, so a garbled apology is what Rose gets. Surprisingly, she understands it and quickly forgives.

For now, all Jade can do is wait it out. But, another thing comes into play: hunger. Despite having ate not too long ago, it feels as if she hasn't eaten in days. All of a sudden, one thing is on her mind: food. Eat food. Eat lots of food. Eat all the food in the fridge, it will only help slightly.

Getting up with lycan strength, Jade wobbles (she's not iron deficient, just fat) over to the fridge, pulls it open and goes to town, no longer focusing on her growth, but instead on what's in front of her: food.

Leftover pasta? Not even reheated. Box of pizza? Scarfed down. Sandwich supplies? Carefully made into a sandwich, then eaten. Item after item of what would last her days goes down in minutes time.

As these events unfold, her outfit finally gives out. Pants explode into denim confetti. A good shirt becomes a bra, and the bra under it snapped pounds ago. In any other situation a person would shudder in indecency, But Jade doesn't flick an ear.

After turning a used fridge into an empty floor model, Jade fwumps onto the floor, masticating a strip of bacon like gum. About a few pounds later, the transformation is complete. Several month's worth of calories have manifested themselves in one evening, and will likely leave when dawn breaks, hidden away to add more until the next full moon. But that doesn't concern Jade, not in the slightest. What matters to her most?

She's still hungry.

12 notes • Posted 2021-10-09 02:59:27 GMT

#1

SwollenScientist's 40 or so Inflation Prompt Malarkey!

(Have you ever seen the 40 chub prompts thing by chubbyshiro and wondered "Where's the inflation? I want my characters round and blimpy, goddamn it!" Well, for one, stop being so abrasive! It just had to be a query.

For two: Look no further! They're here now! And in no particular order, too!

Made in collaboration with @sugar-plump-gal! Your input was invaluable!) 1. Popping (specify nonfatal/fatal.)

2. Berry (or other fruit, not too picky.)

3. Full body

4. Helium inflation

5. Factory shenanigans (Yes, THAT factory. Specifying a room helps! Come up with one, even! Very good combo number.)

6. Leaking (Not deflation. Just excess substance that's being drained naturally to make way for more substance.)

7. Fast-paced inflation. (If you remember chubprompts, they called it "Rapid". This is the same thing, but inflation.)

8. Puffkissing

9. Transfer (From one blimp to a regular person, stuff gets exchanged. How? Who knows?)

10. Permablimp. (No normal. Only new normal. Can still grow, but deflating will just leave them to the default roundish size.) 11. Incremental Inflation. (little by little...)

12. Specific inflated area. (I didn't want "round titty" and the like to take up too many numbers, so I combined them. Specify instead.)

13. Nonstandard substance (Sure, it's a liquid, but it doesn't have to be water or something. Be creative! (but stay within the kinks of whoever posts this, please. Be horny, but civil too.))

14. Odd methods of keeping a round in place. (Can't have them floating off into space, y'know?)

15. The blimp themselves trying to be mobile. (It ain't pretty.)

16. Voice affection by substance. (You think they're talking normal after all THAT?)

17. Burst tease. ("Hey, wanna see this cool needle I found?")

18. Oneupmanship (That isn't round, THIS is!)

19. Accidentally inflated (Whoops! Guess I'm round.)

20. Amateur inflation ("First time?")

21. Practical uses for inflation (Just because you're round doesn't mean you're not useful.)

22. Mundane uses for inflation (We can't all lead interesting lives.)

23. Hose. (Location, location, location. Specify ass or mouth. Or both. It matters more than you think.

24. Suit inflation. (Placebo.)

25. Outfits for inflation. (Not related to 24. Just a good, stretchy getup. Nice and cozy.)

26. Outfits tearing. (They're not all for it.)

27. Sports. (Be the ball! Literally!)

28. Limitless. (Can't stop won't stop!)

See the full post

15 notes • Posted 2021-07-28 01:26:12 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[thedappleddragon]

ok time for 2 days worth of journaling

yesterday I discovered that if I take half of a mini bagel (because the store was out of bagel things), put on cream cheese and a slice of salami, you can make a pretty good bagel bite. I talked with my dad for a while about college things when he came home from work and brought groceries. I also made a frozen chicken Laredo pasta thing for dinner and ended up sharing it with my mom. dad and I shared ideas for what to add to it next time to make it better. I started with chopping up spinach, because I know it shrinks a bunch and is easy to hide in stuff. I want to try adding a little salt, maybe some garlic and onion, parmesan cheese, more greens, a bunch of stuff. idk. I like pretending to be a chef. but I talked with my ad about what kind of stuff I'll need for college, and how I'll probably need to buy real clothes and makeup so I dont look like a goblin who’s been existing solely in basketball shorts and pajama pants for the past year in quarantine.that;s why I made that post last night about fun girly sleepover or simple-ass makeup tutorial. I tried washing my face with an Olay soap bar, and it left my skin feeling nice but idk how good/bad it actually is for your face since its meant to be a body bar. I real online that a plain dove bar is actually pretty damn good for your face, but Olay was the only thing I had on hand. whatever. i played a bunch of stardew valley as well

I slept like shit last night, waking up at like 4 am and all mr dreams being shades of muted grey and brown and broken up into blocks, idk. I've been having weird abstract dreams and sleeping like shit for the past couple days. I think that's partially what cause my head to spin all afternoon. whenever I moved my head, it felt like my ghost was lagging behind my body if that makes sense. it sucked but got better when I moved around. I had my dad bring me water and Tylenol and then come back a second time to light my candle because he smelled like cigarettes and left the smell in my room. but I realized it was April fools day when I woke up, and contemplated how I was gonna prank my friends. I didnt come up with anything until my sister sent a picture of a crashed white Volvo, saying she failed her driving test. when my mom showed me I didnt believe her for a second, and folded over laughing when my mom was concerned about if it was real or not. I stole that joke and showed it to my 2 friend groups, with panicked misspelled texts to go with it for *authenticity* lmao. both groups fell for it at first, but band friends taking longer to catch on so I had to tell them it was a prank. my gamer friend in the other chat caught me almost IMMEDIATLY with reverse google image searching. but I laughed my ass off for a while either way. I didnt play any stardew today but I did play a little Webkinz. when my sister came back from her driving test, my dad brought home Dairy Queen blizzards and mentioned getting a nice-is dinner takeout :) unfortunately I waited forever for him to bring home food and it never happened. so my sister and I went through the mcdonalds drive through and got served by this absolutely DELIGHTFUL middle aged man who was very nice and funny and I told him she just got her license today. we went home and ate in my sisters room and watched John mulaney’s new in town. I had never actually watched the full special, but through Tumblr memes and a million animatics, I had pretty much seen everything. I had fun tho. we got regular chicken sandwiches when we porobably should have gotten the deluxe ones with lettuce and tomato and source or just gone to Wendy’s. tbh Wendy’s is SO MUCH FUCNKIN BETTER. and the mcdonalds was more expensive than I thought it would be. whatever. if we had gone to Wendy’s, sure we would have gotten better burgers, but we wouldn't have seen that deightful man. anyway earlier today I gave my cat some catnip and she was really cute about it. do cats drool more when they’re high? cuz damn it sure felt like it when she was mashing her face into my hand.  for lunch I made a different pasta thing, this time shrimp lomeign. I added spinach and broccoli, which I'm going to do for now and forever because it SLAPPED but my mom was acting like a child, saying broccoli is gross. she had me make spaghetti and proceeded to eat 3 or 4 bowls. I had a couple and went to my room. I realize that I'm typing all this shit WAYYYYY out of order, sorry to me reading back in the future or anyone who bothers to read these. tbh why would you. I hope people dont have my talk tag blocked (thanks for coming to my ted talk) and instead have 2021 daily blocked if they dont want to see these. I still make funny posts sometimes!! that’s also what I tag my art with!! but neither of those people would be able to read this anyway so I'm just preaching to the choir. anyway you’ll be happy to know that my head is no longer spinning, my teeth are nice and clean, I've got my comfy socks and pajama pants on, and I’m ready for bed. eventually. it’s not even midnight yet lmao. I guess I can mention this morning when my cat yelled at me asking to go outside, but it was literally FREEZING and im 100% sure I saw some snowflakes while I was out there for a couple minutes. she got so cold she climbed up on my lap as I was wrapped in my childhood sleeping bag I found in the laundry room. I breathed warm air on her and sat out there for another minute or so, mostly insulated by the sleeping bag, but carried her inside eventually. I didnt want to have to deal with that shit. tbh even tho I just had mcdonalds and it’s almost midnight and I've already brushed my teeth, I'm still a little bit hungry. but I dont know it’s that’s just because I'm lying down and your body takes a little while to tell you when you’re full, or if it’s because I waited for SO LONG waiting for city barbecue or bento cafe that just a burger and fries wasn't enough to cut it. well I'll just sleep it off anyway. you know what’s really cute? my cat laid on my lap and rested her chin on my hand as I typed :) I love her

[mattyslittleworld]

dead mans coffee

July / 2020

Just woke up in my front seat, at a rest stop in Tennessee. First thing I saw was my ALL WILL SUFFER tattoo on my leg. A constant reminder of a different person. Tomorrow I’m getting coffee with Skrillex’s right hand man in Nashville, and I’m nursing a cold coffee in the heat watching this crazy lightning shoot across the skyline. It looks like the end of the world. Or some fucked up Lucero song. I must’ve pulled over for a second and closed my eyes and just dropped dead for hours while parked, I’m on the way to my hotel. 

I am sitting in a diner on broadway in Nashville, TN. Nursing another shitty coffee booking meetings. As the texts come in I ignore them because they are covering the screen and distracting me from reading and studying how to properly sell my soul to the devil at the crossroads In Mississippi. 

Clarksdale, Mississippi

12:30 am

Where Robert Johnson, Bob Dylan, and now, Matty Carlock, sold their souls to the devil. 

December / 2020

Sitting in my home, in Hollywood, CA. I have the window open, and I hear the subtle sound of LA breathing, cars passing on the boulevard, sirens off in the distance, and a vinyl record of mine spinning at the lowest volume possible for me to still hear yet ignore it. I feel calm and at peace, although, it seems like a parallel feeling is war, confusion, imposter syndrome, abandonment, and skeptical. How could these two umbrellas of emotion coexist? Its very interesting. Ive been recording so much music that has nothing to do with my artist project. Its been liberating to put that aside for something greater. A new focus. Leaving artistry a vessel solely for extreme self expression and cathartic release. 

July / 2020

Winding the day down, 10:30pm. With an open tab that reads “Tigers Jaw holiday show” - on pause. I open my Mac book on my couch, ready to go through stems and ratchet strip club beats, and it catches my eye. I press play and it leads me down a rabbit hole. I find myself watching “Never Saw It Coming” right into “Chemicals” / live in Boston. Like lightning it struck through my entire body. Maybe it was the 2 hour long conversation with Andy? And the memories we were trading. The bond we have over hard times, innocence, violence, literal blood on the pavement, years of freezing in the winter....nowhere to go. The people that were around - we made forever memories to these two songs. I right away, made a playlist that consists of “The Sun, I Saw Water, Chemicals, Never Saw It Coming, and Planes”. On top of that I found the live acoustic set they recorded and put out. When I was young on DIY tours, sleeping on floors, dirty as shit, poor as shit, a human being at the very best.....the uncertainty of my near future was so bleak. I remember Title Fight came out with their record “Shed” - and the song “where am I?” would lay me down on long drives, or on the floor. I’d watch white lines pass one by one by one into the abyss of nothing. 

The line 

“Another floor

A different ceiling than the night before

Where am I?

While you’re back home”

Missing my girlfriend at that current time, leaving, and just laying on a strangers floor thinking where am I while you’re back home? What am I doing? Maybe there’s nothing only this moment?

On the tigers jaw live EP they covered this acoustic and it’s everything right now. I am fortunate to live a block away from the sunset strip - and I grabbed my skateboard and just bolted into the night. 

This SO SPECIFIC FEELING of these songs. That nobody in this environment will ever understand. It’s so beautiful. It’s so real. It’s so raw. It’s exactly what I need right now - as the past 3 weeks I’ve been living here have moved faster than the past 4 years. A loss of identity easily awaits you. It’s like you fight your whole life for that moment, to get to where you dream of, to get a shot. Scrape and crawl. And then reset. Since I’ve been living in Hollywood my day to day has been a huge mirror for me. The parts of myself I’ve been trying out run have caught me. Maybe all of this could coexist? 

March 2nd / 2021

Spring is here. Its 75 degrees in LA and theres this new thing I noticed while driving around…..the overbearing smell of flowers in the air. It sounds like a movie. Its fucked up cause It felt like a funeral in my car. I was like what the fuck is happening? It smells like a small funeral in here….are my dreams dying? Am I dying? Is punk dead? Okay its just a Ryan gosling movie out here I guess. Whatever lets go. Here’s some hatrebreed. But the windows are down. My mood is different. My spirit is lifted, which ive been desperate to say. I automatically get punched in the guts with the feeling of driving so fucking fast, and blasting title fight. Skateboarding. Looooooooooong drives with fucked up friends to out of state shows no one will be at. Im listening to Stab by Title Fight - off the Shed LP. What a specific time in my life this brings back. That I usually talk about on this little throw up blog often. Spring is such a pivotal time in my life every year. Since covid shows stopped - human decency stopped - community stopped - my natural habitat was taken from me, and all of my friends and family. I remember living in New York in 2011. At the New Yorker. I was studying at the Institute Of Audio Research to be a janitor in my home town. Because that’s what they teach you. Instead of studying compression, and listening to washed up hacks talk to me about music, I would walk out my building onto 8th ave. B Line it Penn Station. Get on the LIRR and ride that shit right into the best LI shows every night I could. Id meet all my friends from Jersey / NYC / Philly and even Baltimore because it was so common to make it a priority to no matter what, drive hours on end to support a hardcore shows and to not lose touch with the hundreds around the country that you call family. Drive to Richmond for a shows on a Monday night, go off, hit a diner after with your new found tribe, then drive home, be back at 6 am, and just stumble into your bullshit job with a black eye or scratches all over you. It was all worth it. Probably quit that job anyway to go on tour with your friends band and live as gypsies for the entire summer too. Spring embodies this spirit for me. Church parking lots in Doylestown, PA - full of kids from all over the country, who left their problems in their hometown, to just get on the road with their best friends and basically start a new life. It is just amazing how formative those years were for a lot of my friends. I have people I met at shows from all over the country messaging me always checking in, and supporting, and sometimes it feels like I know them better than my first cousins, aunts and uncles. We were at war together. We fought against the world together. We found ourselves together. We created shit from nothing. Determination and passion. Oh no….Planes by Tigers Jaw just came on. You know the vibe. This shit just hits so different now as a pop / hip hop producer. This PA scene, mixed with NJHC, just stood me up and gave me confidence to have my own voice, my own thoughts, and to fight back. Something about being in a shitty car and it smells like dirty vans and like…..axe to cover up the smell. BELTING Basement and car moshing and almost driving off a bridge. Listen. I know every single blog is about this. But fuck you fight me. ITS CALLED SELF EXPRESSION GRANDMA. SO STRAP INTO YOUR BOOT THINGS AND ENJOY THE RIDE TO NOWHERE. Its been crazy living in LA. I live directly on Hollywood BLVD, on the Walk Of Fame. Where I was almost killed two weeks ago over someones gang that my ass is not in. My guy looked at me and said YO YOU MATTY? And I was listening to Taylor swift in my headphones walking back from Starbucks and it was so funny how different my energy was. I was like bro can you kill me already dude because these Taylor tones are so good that they gunna just end up killing me anyway. So perfect timing. I think the guy was mad at my friend to say the least lol. But every night its loud 808’s, the sounds of the city, amazing energy, and neon lights shining in from lit up billboards off the BLVD. Its such a culture shock for me. I feel like im too aggressive just from being east coast. But its just what it is. It took me a little to adapt to being in sessions and meetings with seasoned people in this industry who have major cuts and recognition. But I just learned to double down on myself, and be as authentic as I possibly can be. Theres nothing like crushing writing sessions in the pop realm, then turning off my shit, unplugging, and run into the night with my skateboard and old punk records. It’s almost like my own secret that is becoming my blood. I haven’t been communicating with the ones who like my music, have interest in what im doing, come to my shows etc - since I touched down here….I just unplugged….started writing HEAVY and decided to dedicate months to getting better, learning, becoming smarter, discovering a vision that’s much broader than what were sold, finding myself, making sure my wisdom is parallel to my age - if not wise beyond my years. A lot of artists and bands SING, PLAY, PERFORM, PROMOTE. But I have decided to WATCH, ATTEND, and LISTEN. Everynight I sit down with tea, unplug, and spin records on my turntable…in the dark, in my living room, alone….all kinds of records. From The National, to Springsteen, to Title Fight, to Hendrix, to the rare Troublemaker LP and 7” I have…..Sharon Van Etten, Jesse Malin…..ugh. Its just bliss. Pure bliss. Right now im drinking coffee and bouncing from listening to Into It Over It and American Football. I spent all last night rapping my ass off, mixing, and singing ref vocals for other people. It was so fun. Im finding a lot of my new material is this spirit im talking about - but over hip hop production. I want to tell my life story and combat the stereotypes of modern rap and pop music with true intentions and unique tones of untold stories that press, radio, and this market usually doesn’t get fed. Ive also realized a lot of music I was promoting over the past year to come out (prior to the pandemic) hasn’t come out….and I know people are questioning that….what is happening? So before covid I had German solo dates booked - and then I was going to the UK right after. I have a bunch of single drops lined up with music videos. Some you can guess with who. And then the pandemic hit and I canceled everything and decided to pivot my focus into my passion for songwriting and production, instead of sitting around “waiting for shows to come back.” I pretended that shows were never going to come back and doubled down on my career as a producer, that at the time, still is, moving forward at a faster rate than my artist shit. So I packed my shit after offers, and opportunity presented themselves. Touched down on a Tuesday, with meetings that Friday. Off to the races. In sessions that following Monday. Fast forward here we are. Hungry, learning, learnt, turned 30. Looking at the next decade like Mcgregor at the weigh in. Fight ready. Ive learned so much since the fall that all of the music I had planned on releasing, I loaded it back up, tore it apart, and re built it. So its not stale, so its not expired, so its not “then”….so its NOW. Which im so glad I did, and im doing. I don’t think ive been in the booth more. My mind is so stimulated by this wave im on. And its got me in a good place. Now that the spirit of spring is here, my mental health is going to be taking a big leap as well and im going to do everything I can to just flood all of this content. I think Never Meant by American Football is the best song ever made. Me and Mike were talking about doing a song together a few months ago and that would be such a trip for me. 

I wanted to talk about my recent trip to Joshua Tree. I was invited by Christopher Thorn from Blind Melon to live at his studio for a few days to write together. I didn’t really know what to expect. I met him once or twice thru Clinch, and just around the Sea Hear Now circle back east, and I was familiar with No Rain (his hit). We got on the phone, picked a weekend where it’d work for both of us, got some covid tests, and boom. Packed my shit again (right off a flight back from New York, where I shot 3 music videos, and did 1 remote session in 2 fucking days), and drove out to the desert. There is no address so I had a map. It was epic. It was in the desert desert. Like THE DESERT FAM. Coyotes at night, snakes and shit. The air was so dry, your lips would get chapped to let you know death was right around the corner so you better man up baby boy. Beforehand - from all the traveling and flights, and burning myself out on videos and sessions, I found myself listening to a lot of acoustic Nebraska Springsteen type shit. John Moreland, or even like acoustic bayside, Lucero, Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits…..just pure music with no samples, not gridded, not sold, no machine, no click, just real live country music inspired by the human condition….of the earth. It was just speaking to my soul…..so when we booked this to get in the room together….man was I ready. I don’t think ive had an experience so fruitful to the soul. And ive played shows in Slovenia, and sipped espresso on a bridge that looked like a painting, staring at subtle mountain tops off in the distance like I was a character in some book. We started working at night and ran it up till like 3 am. As the sun came down the lights off in the distance miles and miles away were so clear because we were just the only life form around….and it would just shine into the studio windows and reflect on the perimeter making it seem like we were surrounded by New York City. It did a lot for my soul to play drums, acoustic, sing, play piano, shred electric, even mix a little. I felt like I made a very fast lifelong friend. Its been a minute since I got on with someone like that. We talked a lot about growing up touring. And wed finish each others sentences regarding topics that ONLY people like us would know. Like Subway being a life line for DIY touring, or the weird strange feelings of comfort from rest stops in the middle of nowhere at 4 am, the rest stop coffee that you get to just make the next 2 hours of the drive into town bearable. But then you see your boy from your band in the other aisle so you throw shit at him. Then you all stumble back into the van/bus and just disappear into the night. This shit was so needed for me. When Id wake up, id make espresso, and just sit out front and listen to Joe Rogan, at this random chair that was behind his studio, facing the mountains. Just endless property waiting to leave you 6 feet in the ground. I sat there and sipped my espresso, and just reflected on the long journey of my career. How many random moments like this ive found myself in since I was 15. In the middle of the desert where Springsteen hangs out with my heroes, off the strength of my songwriting. Or in Romania drinking coffee, fucked off, on a bench far from the venue, by random train lines in the pouring rain by myself. The farthest from humanity I can be. Or the random VFW hall in my head that I don’t even know where it is, with my little punk crew, who all smell like complete shit and cigarettes and soda, fucked off god knows where, just to finger point and sing along to this band we found on myspace that were in OUR hometown the weekend prior singing to our band. Theres just an endless string of memories that can go on forever, with stories that just fulfill a lifetime, of conversations that just make the white lines on I95 move faster. Or just everyone is quiet - reading a book - texting - exhausted from the night prior - and you just ABRUPTLY turn on teenage dream by Katy Perry SOOOO LOUD - take your shirt off and start dropping it like its hot from the passenger front seat, and catch a mid afternoon front flip stage dive into the backseat. From those youthful days of this underground spirit, to existing in a realm of pure monsters of my craft, I truly believe this next decade could co exist and be one for the books. Damn I feel good. Also me and Sasso started a book club called BSU and you can’t be in it because you probably read books and the only rule for our book club besides not speaking about book club is, you can’t read books. Okay im going to go buy a bike right now so I can ride It to Mexico and get abducted by the cartel and sold for bitcoin. FAREWELL EARTHLINGZ.