#this is frankly all so disgusting and disheartening.

[viivenn]

making an important announcement about some things i’ve noticed in the gwendoline christie fandom that really bug me.

disclaimer: read this at your own convenience and discretion. i am not responsible for any sort of hurt feelings and frankly… i don’t care. if you’re mad about this, you are probably the problem. /lh

to start with id like to begin on a positive note so that i’m not diving into negativity, i don’t want to be completely negative about my experiences because i’ve actually met some of the kindest people in the world through this fan base.

the gwen fandom, the gwandom, the gwendoline christie fandom , the lesbian cesspool, has been an incredible experience that i’m grateful i’ve had the pleasure of being apart of.

i went through a rough patch during november, and if i hadn’t found out about gwen, or met such wonderful people during my time here , i honestly wouldn’t be here right now. i owe my life to these people, gwen included. i will forever adore miss christie and what she stands for alongside the friends i’ve made along the way.

and while i know someday this hyperfix will end, it’s really disheartening to me when a fandom is what makes me grow distant from things i enjoy. it happened before, i feel as though it is happening all over again.

and no, i’m not taking issue with anything like the catrissa stuff or the brienne and larissa ship going around or anything like that. i like that we can all be weird together and enjoy aus like catrissa and crackships like bririssa (not sure the official name that was decided lol). my issue is the amount of content i’ve seen that either focuses on gwen herself, or the strange relationship with minors, or the odd artwork of gwen, and the absolute disgusting behaviour towards giles.

gwen would be absolutely appalled seeing fanfictions of herself that involve nsfw or just her in general, anyone would, it’s disgusting to make works of real people in that setting. it’s like you’re treating them as an original character you can mould and manipulate as you see fit and using someone who is real with thought and feeling and consciousness for smut fics is not okay, or any fic in general. i totally get the hype around her characters, i literally have “brienne’s princess” in my bio and i’ve had “jane murdstone’s bloodbag” (in reference to my vamp au) as a name in a discord server.

but i think the fandom has begun to blur the lines between fictional characters and reality settings when it comes to gwen and the personalities she portrays on the television screen. it’s not fair to her. it’s disgusting. i’ve seen a minor do it, i’ve seen a grown adult do it. it’s something i don’t see shamed and frowned upon often enough and it’s really not okay.

on that note i’d like to quickly mention the photos, we alllll know what photos i’m talking about. the bunny one, the nudes, the ones gwen has expressed regret towards and wishes to not have them spread. was there not a “fan” who brought her a book of her nudes and wanted her to sign it? that person who was blocked on instagram by gwen because they reposted her nudes on their story and tagged her???? how can you refer to yourself as a fan after behaving so abhorrently? absolutely disgusting behaviour. as a collective fandom we need to stop touching those photos (metaphorically speaking) and leave them in the past.

i’ve been told of numerous circumstances in which adults have shown their nsfw works to minors in this fandom and it has to fucking stop. it’s disgusting!! how can you do that knowingly? i constantly ponder terminating my account after a minor got ahold of my nsfw work, and upon realising they WERE a minor it was as simple as blocking and moving on. it’s truly not that hard, folks. and the minors on tiktok who fight with others saying silly things like “that’s my wife” or worse. i’ve seen it all, i feel like, and the more i see it the more sick i become. i cannot stand it.

i have seen and heard of fans who have fat shamed gwen for that one pink dress she wore to the met gala. she looked so happy in that dress, and the audacity one must have to fatshame that poor woman on twitter then turn around and continue to proclaim your ‘love for her’ as if you’d done no wrong? are you fucking serious? are you mental?

and the sexualisation over the porcelain doll look, gods some of you are sick. those were not real breasts, people. considering the fact she wholeheartedly regrets her nude photoshoots , what possesses you to believe she would actually flaunt her chest in that outfit?

the blatant mistreatment of poor giles is not fucking okay either. just because you’re jealous of someone who makes her immensely happy does not give you the right to post something so vile and cruel about him. shame on you. why do you believe this is okay to post:

????????

are you serious? have any of you stopped to consider how HAPPY giles makes her? or is her happiness the last thing you ponder when you look at her? have you even noticed how unhappy she looks lately? have you truly paused to consider how she would feel about seeing this on your page, random twitter user, or the rest of you who think this is okay? bless your hearts.

and some of the absolutely horrific things i’ve seen about her online and the hurtful behaviour towards giles makes me question the difference between a fan and just the general paparazzi. because if you truly loved her and you truly loved giles then i would not be ranting into the fucking void about it for no reason.

i avoid interacting with pages i find problematic on here to keep from stirring the pot but tonight i chose violence and got reeeeeal pissy about how i felt about this place. it’s not okay what i see on here and it’s getting exhausting seeing the same cycle of content on a daily.

that’s everything i have to say, i think. i probably missed a lot that should be discussed in the comments but i’m done for now because i know if i go on i’ll probably cry.

before you post things about real people with real feelings , stop to consider how they will feel those real feelings towards the content you put out. chances are you’ll become less problematic and obnoxious that way. 💘

[tonycries]

omg ur blog is being called out in the comments of averageanimangaenjoyer tiktok video :(( (by commenters, not the creator) titled “people don’t make fanfics anymore they don’t make full length stories, they just try to post $mut fics” and they’re talking about how they burn out and put out a new one

REPORTED THEM FOR HATE SPEECH

PLSSS WHY DID THIS MAKE ME GIGGLE 😭 And honestly, I was going to respond with a silly werewolf meme like usual, but I genuinely want to take the time out to say that some people treat fanfic writers like content farms and it's disgusting.

Like this is not directed or hate towards the creator or ANYONE really, because everyone has their own opinion - but you have to understand that you're NOT obligated to content.

Feeling burnt out? Valid and I feel you, I really do. Dislike my content and want a 200k+ slow burn angst instead? That's great! Block me and write your own then.

Just stop hating on fic writers who spend hours upon hours of time and effort to write, edit, and share something they love for FREE.

You don't have to like every fic, but I saw some of the comments on that video and they were fr disheartening talking trash about not just me, but writers in general that just want to contribute something they love towards a fandom - be it smut or one-shots or SMAU. Again, content for FREE - no one is entitled to anything. Write your own if you want something so bad.

And once more, this is NOT shade so don't send hate to anyone. Quite frankly I'm not even upset (gen), this is just my perspective.

In the end, we're all just silly people with our silly interests so can we all just get along?

But yeah, sorry for rambling, and thanks for standing up for me lovely MWAH <33 💗💗

[dalekofchaos]

There are many reasons to be angry like MAGATs, sexists and racist who don't want a woc president, stupid fucking white people who believe in a lying con artist convicted felon pedophilic rapist racist misogynist homophobic transphobic wannabe dictator, Trump, Vance, Heritage Foundation, Muskrat, the DNC not having primaries, Biden waiting way too fucking long to drop out, prioritizing and catering to Republican voters over the Democratic, progressive and leftist voter base, third party voters, absentee voters and people who used Palestine as a cause to hurt marginalized people in the US. But most of all I blame Kamala for being gift wrapped a winning election. All she had to do was prioritize and promise those who would be most affected by a Trump presidency protections, codify Roe V Wade, not removing the death penalty/torture off the platform and promise an arms embargo. But instead ran an ineptly evil campaign that catered to the right with little, if any, regard for marginalized communities domestically or abroad. She is a leading reason behind 4 more years of Trump and all the suffering he will bring.

Establishment democrats won't learn anything from this, not because they're incapable, but because there is nothing for them to learn. they didn't do anything wrong. keeping the left out is how they win, actually beating the republicans is just a nice-to-have.

It's like Harry Potter, at the end of so many fights, battles and death everything remains absolutely the same without any structural change. Only in this case they don't win.

The country didn’t “move far right”, Trump got less votes than he did in 2020. democrats just completely fumbled their coalition and alienated entire bases of voters.

Knowing that there are SO MANY people fine with SA, racism, sexism, transphobia, xenophobia, hatred, Christian theocracy, is quite frankly disheartening and disgusting.

[ask-cinnavanillamelody]

You really think all dragons are just mean and ruthless to ponies?

Not the case at all I'm one of many living examples of that myself, my parents loved each other and both would be disheartened and frankly disgusted with what you and your peers have done with equestria.

But let's not forget about spike, your actions forced him and twilight apart how do you think that affected her? Spike is her own family! Yet you would rip that apart for some sort of pony superiority complex?

You only proved to everycreature that we ponies can be cruel and heartless as any other being.

I hope you take this time to reflect upon your actions.

As for your lack of wings, well lets just say we will see if you get to experience the awkwardness of molting.

Mira: I see simply apologizing isn't enough...I know I have a lot to make up for, and I don't really think all dragons are like that...I've just never met one in person, so all I can go off of is stuff I read...I never thought about how she sent Spike away, I just assumed he left of his own accord, honest! I never meant to split her family apart even further...I know now that ponies aren't better than anything else in this world, I know it'll take time ...but I am to prove I don't think that way anymore.

Now uh...what is a "molt"...? Should I be afraid -

[pegasister60]

I would like to clarify that the reason I want CAR-11E to advance in @best-hifi-rush-character’s polls is not because I want CAR-11E to take the trophy home. That’s not the goal and it never was. (Though it would be rather sweet.)

No, the reasons why I wanted CAR-11E to get to this specific fight against Kale are three-fold:

CAR-11E units, like many of the older Vandelay models, have had their lives made worse by Kale in ways that frankly disgust me. He deserves to be shoved off a very tall podium and who better to do that then the little box-moving robots he’s been overworking? (Well, a lot of people. But CAR-11E’s in the best position to do it right now for maximum comedic effect.)

I realized CAR-11E would be facing Chai even if they did manage to kill Kale and at first that disheartened me. Chai is my beloved blorbo and I would have to lay down my cause the moment we got to him in the brackets. Then I realized that didn’t have to be a bad thing. If I made the goal getting to Chai instead of getting past him, then I could have my cake and eat it too! And draw adorable art about them being friends. :DD

I initially just really wanted CAR-11E to kill that fucking bird so it would lose and now it’s turned into CAR-11E being unironically my second favorite hfr character. (I lump Chai and 808 together in my heart. <3) CAR-11E has already won in my heart and in some of yours so all that’s left is for Kale to get swept by an embarrassing margin. I believe in us. We can do it!!

My intention for when CAR-11E sweeps Kale off this mortal plane is to either draw a comic or animate smth really rough where Chai and CAR-11E meet up. It’s gonna be so sweet and so fluffy and I’m so excited!! Thank you so much for getting CAR-11E this far. (We’re so close!! The goal is within reach!!!)

I hope to see your continued support of CAR-11E in the polls for this final leg of their journey. It means a lot to them, I’m sure.

[shadowmaat]

You just don't understaaand

I've vented about this before, but hey, it's Pride Month, so I'm gonna vent some more.

The way that fandom tends to approach Murderbot and its relationships is frankly revolting.

I understand the weird human compulsion to ship all the things all the time, but here you have a character who has expressed numerous times that it is repulsed by "human bits" and disgusted by the idea of sex. You could have no clearer rendering of someone who is a sex-repulsed ace. AND YET.

Fandom seems to be hellbent on giving it a romantic sexual/sex-adjacent relationship. Oh, it can't have sex sex, of course, because it doesn't have the parts for that, but hey, we can come up with something that is exactly like sex, but different! How else can two individuals show they care deeply for each other if they can't even cyberfuck?

I need y'all to listen to yourselves. I need you to step back and actually THINK about the things you're doing. Yes yes, it's "just fiction" and none of these characters actually exist. But do you know how often aces have to deal with people telling them that they "just haven't met the right person yet" or that "if you had GOOD sex, you'd understand" and so on and so forth. Do you know how gutting it is to see a great and unapologetically ace character grabbed up by fandom and immediately sexualized?

It's a gross and creepy feeling to watch people try to loophole past "sex-repulsed" to give it a sexual relationship without the actual sex part. "Ooo, connecting to ART like this maxes out its pleasure centers!" "Sure, it says it hates sex, but if they did it like THIS it would realize how great it is!" Just... stop. Please. For the sake of all sex-repulsed aces, stop trying to act as if we're somehow "missing" something, or that our relationships are less valid because we don't copulate. Let Murderbot be Murderbot. No fucking. No metaphors for fucking. Just Murderbot.

The fact that there are so many people out there who can't comprehend a healthy, loving (or lovingly antagonistic) relationship that doesn't involve physical intimacy is disheartening. How do the rest of us stand a chance at being accepted if you can't even accept a fictional representation?

Sex isn't the only possible way to "prove" you love someone. And if you think it's necessary then you really need to expand your education because that ain't healthy. Sex as a way of expressing love? Sure. Sex as necessary proof of love? Try reading more diverse material. Or talking to people outside whatever circle you're trapped in that's reinforcing that message.

Watching the developing relationship between Murderbot and ART has been a lot of fun. They care about each other to a significant degree, so much so that even the humans and augmented humans can see it. Their relationship is a thing that already exists, and sure, there are ways for it to keep deepening, but they don't need to have the secunit/AI equivalent of sex in order for it to be real. If that's the direction Martha Wells wants to take it in, more power to her, but it doesn't need to go there in order for them to show they love each other. I don't understand why this is so hard for certain people to accept.

[drunkenfeminista]

oh god, not the ace discourse on my feed in the year 2023...

no one deserved the level of hate that ace folks in that era got on here. no one deserves death threats, endless harassment, doxxing, and all manner of other awful awful actions against them simply for existing in a way thats different from others. it was disgusting to see back then and it still is to this day.

i do still find it endlessly frustrating and disrespectful though to see so many ace folk and allies consistently push this narrative that those who are ace are inherently queer/LGBT and that the queer folk who tried to correct that belief are actually horrible monstrous bigots who all violently attacked ace people. this isnt true and never was true, even admitted in the replies to this very post where ppl point out a lot of people doing that were also transphobic/homophobic in ways. a lot of ace people at that time refused to understand that the LGBT community and the very acronym itself, were not some open subculture or general group of societal "outcasts" like punks or goths that you could simply just declare you were a part of because you wanted to be. whether ace people want to accept it or not, being asexual is not an inherently queer thing. a LACK of sexual ATTRACTION is not in the same category as queer romantic/sexual attraction or even more so an experience of gender dysphoria of some kind. you can be asexual while also being cishet. where is the queerness there? if you are ace and trans or ace and homoromantic, you ARE queer, but not because of your asexuality. you are valid and real if you are asexual and NO ONE has the power or right to say you are faking it or attack you for it or any of the toxic shit that DID eventually happen, but a lot of people have ignored the fact that ace people essentially threw a fit about not being seen as LGBT until they victimized themselves enough to just be haphazardly lumped in with a community that was at the forefront of civil rights for marginalized identities. which, in my opinion, has done A LOT of damage to the progress the queer community was trying to make at the time. it is not solely on the shoulders of ace people, im not saying that at all, but it did play a factor in my opinion.

a lot of people dont seem to understand that the fights for queer rights, the establishing of marginalized communities, and the defense of othered peoples is an incredibly complex and complicated issue with a lot of nuance, grey area, and definitely mistakes to be made that are a core part of the discussion. let me tell you, as an ANCIENT tumblrite, this website was NOT a place for nuanced discussion in 2014-2017 and it frankly barely is now. when i was in my late teens and early 20s, the entire world was black and white and you were either on the side of good people or you were an evil monster and my part of the ace discourse was the first time i was seen as some evil person by what i thought was *my* community as a lesbian trans woman. it very much opened my eyes to the fact that things are not simple, these discussions are not good vs evil, reality isnt a movie or a comic book. but we were all kids or young stupid adults and most of us were growing up in a time period where it was becoming okay to simply exist as we were. the LGBT community was sort of a beacon for that and so EVERYONE tried to jump in the pool not realising it wasnt built for that.

at the end of that whole time period, i and plenty of other people like me were labelled monstrous acephobes and it was very disheartening to see when our only real message was that ace people dont belong in *this* community, not that they dont deserve one at all or more generally to exist. i love my ace friends and most of them agree with me outright, but its still something argued and fought over today with the same lack of nuance i saw back then. human beings dont like to be told they dont belong somewhere because were told the general idea of not belonging somewhere is inherently bad when it isnt. sometimes, things arent made or created for everyone and that is perfectly okay. its why communities and beliefs are built everyday; not everything is a perfect match for who you are or what you stand for. it is okay to accept that without either side making the other out to be a villain.

I don't think younger/newer users fully grasp the shit show that ace discourse was around 2014-17

It was so hostile that, to this day, discussions that begin to derail just enough can make me physically nauseous, some specific mockery trigger crying sessions years later. We lost most accounts with any sort of ace positivity. There was no information, no support, and all this damage was done predominantly by other queer people.

All this to say that you, however you identify yourself, should be engaging with aphobic comments the same way you do any hate. We don't sugarcoat or try to be comprehensive with people who are blatantly racist, homophobic or terfs, so why give it a pass just because it's coming from a queer person? I see how this tolerance goes and it's done enough damage as it is.

[scribe-of-hael]

*holds head in hands*

Tw //mental health issues , depression , anxiety , rant , vent

Guys. I'll be honest. Idk what I'll do without Twitter, it is my biggest followers count. Engagement has been awful and now with the ai bullshit. I've attempted to come here and Bluesky.

I shouldn't have kept my eggs in one basket I know. But social media inna sense is so fucking draining. It so competitive needlessly. Numbers are the value of a person. Feankly my self worth has only gotten worse since being more engaged with it.

"Don't look at the numbers just make art for fun!"

I hear you. I do. But what happens when I need extra funds, have an emergency? The numbers unfortunately. Matter, in that regard. Someone with 100 followers vs 3k , well , the bigger you are the more chance you have things to be seen = sales. That's just the reality of it. Its not me being a hater or Petmistic. That is how it is .

also when social media rewards a certain kind of[f artist vs another. Tumblr rewards fan art and Fandom related content. That's really what it's intentions is for. There are original artists out there but I don't see them half as much as fan artists.

Yall are here for Transformers. That's why yall are here. That's what I'm inot and yall are to. But the second i advertise my art or sales. Its crickets. I'm not blaming anyone, but its so disheartening.

Ppl on Twitter just refused to retweet and now its happening on Bluesky, im frankly sick of the anti social behavior on a fucking Social media website. I've see lots multiple ppl even some of moots. Whi just REFUSE and flat out have said they don't like to rt/reblog because it will "clog up their timeline/dash" and turn their audience away from them .

Artists are seen as machines not ppl with interests or interests in other things in fear of alienating their audiences or making them upset and leave. Indirectly seeing other artists not only as competition but nuisance. In my eyes.

Then I see these same ppl saying this and BEG for funds and angery no one will boost them. Congratulations, you played yourself. You feed into the cycle and now no one wnata to help you back.

The selfishness. God the selfish, entitled and privileged attitude I have seen only grow and multiple since the pandemic. Is disgusting.

Why can't we just fucking help each other. Support each other without some how thinking it will compromise us? We already are having our jobs stolen, our work stolen, our jobs belittled by corps. Is it to much to just help each other? So we can have some sort of peace in mind ?

Battling this depression spell for almost a fucning year. Questioning if I should just stop. Just stop it all. I'm tired. I'm lost. I feel utterly hopless. With current events happening in my country I feel so empty. And I'm scared.

I just ned support in these places . I just feel so gross just sitirng here begging for that. I shouldn't have to. I hate it. But I feel like I don't have a choice.

[lorenzobane]

A/N: I had 20 minutes before I had to board a flight so I wrote a speed challenge of how Julian and Garak would react to a biography of Dukat being published. (Inspired by a comment @thoughts-i-have-had-in-pass-blog left on a post about books Julian and garak would agree and disagree about.) Apologies in advance for any spelling or grammar errors!

Garak rushes through the door in an uncharacteristic show of urgency and openly sighs with relief when he sees Julian already standing in their kitchen looking irritated.

“Did you see—“

“Yes,” Julian cuts him off. “I bloody saw.”

“I can’t believe they decided to publish it.”

Julian nods in agreement, “neither can I. I’ve spent the last two hours reading it, absolute drivel.”

“You read it?” Garak asks, eyebrow ridges rising.

“Of course,” Julian says with an elegant gesture with his left hand.

Garak agrees, “I’ve nearly finished myself. How did they even—?”

“Don’t ask me, I thought everyone who knew him was either dead or hated him.”

Garak nods and looks at his PADD which reads “The Biography of Gul Dukat: The Last Real Patriot.”

“Terribly written too,” Julian comments. “Meandering, contradictory, and frankly veers too closely into hagiography. Honestly, if it weren’t about Dukat I’d guess it was state sanctioned propaganda.”

“I completely agree,” Garak says heatedly. “How unfortunate to see that this is what Cardassia chooses to produce when free of government censorship. Perhaps the firm hand of the state is more necessary than I realized.”

Julian rolls his eyes, “Elim, you introduced the Freedom of the Press Act yourself.”

“And how disheartening to be proven wrong so quickly. I never should have let you seduce me with your federation ideals.”

“Seduce you, did I?” Julian asks, now more amused than irritated. “Thank goodness. After all, we did just agree about a book. I was worried the magic was gone.”

“Oh my dear doctor, if we could not agree on this particular book or that particular Gul, then I should think we have bigger problems.”

Julian concedes and says, “want to get some kanar and take turns reading the most inane parts?”

Garak smiles and says, “I suppose you really are a Cardassian citizen. Though I already know the worst of it.”

“That quote at the end?” Julian asks, before putting on a fake simpering tone to recite, “Gul Dukat has been unfairly maligned in recent history, but an after a close examination I can say—“

“He was the last true Cardassian Hero,” Garak completes in disgust. “Yes, though we must be careful. If we agree too loudly the neighbors may thing we are having problems.”

“Heaven forbid,” Julian says. “I’ll meet you in the living room.”

Garak headed towards the other room and couldn’t help but think there were some benefits to sharing an opinion with his husband after all.

[ateezmakemeweep]

prince!san; arranged marriage au

word count: 10k

angst, fluff, smut

request

tag list: @minbinwhore​ 

“y/n, honey... they’re here.”

the reluctance in your mom’s tone is obvious and you’re happy to hear it, watching her through the mirror as you sit at your vanity and brew. 

brew with anger and frustration and disgust that not even the sweet smile of your mother can stop.

because how could she have allowed this? 

your father, you understand - you expect nothing less from a power hunger man who only cares about himself. about ways to get ahead in this horribly corrupt system, where he doesn’t care how he hurts and effects the lives of anyone.

but her, how could she honestly allow her only daughter, her only child for that matter, to be married off like this?

when they sat you down a month ago, they made it seem like a blind date.

mentioned that a friend and colleague of your dad’s from a neighboring kingdom had a son around your age. that he was handsome and kind and the perfect man that hundreds of girls wanted to be introduced to. 

but when you hadn’t jumped up in excitement at the opportunity, because apparently they don’t know you at all, they had dropped the bomb on you.

that the ‘opportunity’ they were giving you wasn’t much of a choice at all -  the merging of the two families would guarantee peace and unity between the two kingdoms because nothing brings together two groups of people better than a mutual respect and admiration for love. 

quite frankly, it seemed like a bunch of bullshit to you. 

because really?

there’s really no other way to do that than stripping you and this random man the freedom to choose your spouse, something fairly important in a person’s life?

“no, y/n, there’s not,” your dad had said, all stuffy and posh as he sat at the head of the table. “and your attitude is very disheartening.”

“sorry sir, forgive me for not wanting to be pawned off like some trophy because you two can’t do your jobs properly.”

your mom’s eyes widened upon hearing that, her chastising yelp of your name falling on deaf ears. 

because that’s when you and your dad erupted into a blow out fight, per usual, him questioning how you were raised in a household like this and still could be so foul.

you met him back tenfold, asking him why it was your duty to ensure the safety of his people. 

that maybe he should change his ways or views as a leader and find the problems within himself; but your tone was all too conniving and snippy to be genuine, your dad pounding his fist on the table causing your eyebrow to raise.

“they’re coming here next month and you’ll be married within three,” he growled, his voice commanding and strong like the big tough guy he is. “you’ll show nothing but respect to choi san and his family and at least pretend you’re a proper lady.”

“do i look like a proper lady, mother?” you asked now, turning around to meet her tight, sympathetic gaze.

“y/n...”

“no, please, tell me,” you say, getting up with a slight wobble from the uncomfortable heels and bone-crushing corset. you cock your head to the side with a raised brow, hoping the puffiness in your eyes is gone from the last two nights of tears of frustration.

“i wanna know if i’ll be worthy enough for my husband.”

your mom grabs your arm before you can push past her, turning you gently to meet her gaze. 

if you weren’t so mad and annoyed at the situation, you’d see the sympathy and defeat in her eyes. that she probably tried to fight for you when she saw that you didn’t want this but was overruled by your authoritarian father.

“san is good, y/n,” she said softly, rubbing your arm up and down gently. “he’s sweet and does so much for his people. i wouldn’t have agreed if it was anyone else.”

but because you’re about to meet a stranger and plan your wedding, a wedding you don’t even want, you can’t find it in yourself to take her words to heart or feel comforted by them. 

“thanks mom, that’s really nice of you.”

“sweetie, i-”

you shake your head and make your way down the stairs, hearing the booming voices of your dad and, presumably, your future father-in-law. you see the two men talking and bow politely, putting on a soft fake smile you always wear in front of other people.

those are the rules: act like a lady in front of people but be your obnoxious, foul self at home, in the privacy of the castle walls.

the older you got, the less you were seen by the public. 

it had been something everyone noticed and no one knew why, figuring you started to value your privacy more and wanted to be kept out of the public eye, but really, it was because the more you aged, the wiser you got. 

the more you saw how much corruption and bullshit happened within this system and what little choices you were given - like this, for example.

like how even though the boy standing next to his father is the most handsome man you’ve ever seen, with kind eyes and a small, dimply smile, you didn’t meet him by fate.

 you’re meeting him because his last name is choi and it’ll (apparently) be good for the kingdom’s prosperity.

“ah, here she is,” your dad says, a tight expression on his face as he addresses you. you make sure to give them your brightest smile as you bow your head and curtsey, raising your voice a few pitches as you introduce yourself.

“this is my son san,” the older man tells you. “i know this is a strange situation but i’m hoping you guys can get to know one another and find that, maybe, something this crazy just might work.”

“of course it’s gonna work!” your father exclaims, like the man had said something absolutely preposterous, “it’s a guaranteed way for success. for both of us.” 

it takes every muscle in your body to keep the sneer off your face at his proud, boastful smile.

you don’t miss the way san stiffens next to you nor do you miss the way his father’s eyes narrow at yours. 

“well that’s true but i meant for them as well. this is a marriage, after all,” the older man says, his eyes softening the slightest bit as they land on you. “hopefully they can like each other as people and it won’t be a wasted relationship.”

you have to stop your lips from quirking into a genuine smile because okay, maybe they’re not bad after all - but the idea still irks you and you still hate this.

just because the man seems to be decent doesn’t make this okay. jesus, the kid hasn’t even said a word to you yet.

“how ‘bout you guys go talk?” mr choi says, his eyes moving to your father as if to prompt you two where to go.

“yes! y/n, show him the courtyard,” he says, eyes tight and screaming at you to behave. you nod your head at your father before looking at san, instructing him silently to follow you.

“of course father,” you say softly, voice high and sweet as honey before you turn to mr choi. “we’ll be back. nice meeting you, sir.”

your back is tense as you walk through the castle and out to the back, smiling at the workers you pass by before making your way into the garden. the vast land is green and colorful, with daisies and roses lining the awfully showy statues that have resided here for centuries.

“this is pretty,” san says softly, looking over the immaculate landscape. 

you hum your response quietly, technically ignoring his words as you walk toward the bench you frequent on cool nights when you need to get away.

you plop down immediately and take off your shoes, kicking them off to the side. he raises an eyebrow at the immediate change in your body language. 

you’re no longer stiff with a smile plastered on your face, sitting back on the bench as you cross your ankles and look up at him.

“so. san, right?”

he wants to smirk at the casual way in which you say it, your voice no longer sweet and airy and making him think of you as the princess you are.

“yes,” he says, smiling sweetly but eyes twinged with amusement. “y/n, right?”

“right,” you say, rising to your feet and making your way into the grass. 

your bare feet sink into the fluffy ground and he watches you carefully walk over to touch the velvety petals of the flowers, plucking a few of them off before you look at him again.

“i’m gonna be honest with you, san. you seem cool and you’re hot but i really don’t wanna do this shit.”

his eyes widen at the way you speak to him, never having heard anyone talk like that in his presence, but especially a woman. it completely catches him off guard, his lips parted and eyes wide and you can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of you.

“oh, c’mon. you’re not gonna tell on me for using a bad word, are you?”

he presses his lips together so he doesn’t let out a laugh, instead shrugging his shoulders as he looks at you challengingly. 

“no, i guess not.” 

you watch curiously as he makes his way over to you, an unreadable expression on his face as he stands beside you.

his hand reaches up to pluck the same flower as you, the rest of the petals on the floor and leaving the plant naked.

“but i don’t know how i feel about my future wife speaking like that. is this just... some unusual tactic you use on men to charm them?”

you can’t help the scoff that leaves you, eyes narrowing as his lips spread into a smile. damn him because it’s a handsome smile, his eyes shining in the sunlight as they’re glinted with amusement.

“yes, because everything i say and do is for a man.”

“but i’m not just any man,” he says with a teasing smile. “i’m a hot man. you said so yourself.”

you can only roll your eyes and look away from him, wondering how on earth your mom came to the conclusion that he was sweet and caring. he seems like every other spoiled rich prince you’ve met: cocky and arrogant with a smugness that is all too nauseating.

a smugness that only grows when he plucks the empty flower off the bush and tucks it behind your ear, his moves gentle and slow despite the distrustful look in his eye. 

you’ve known him for less than ten minutes but you know a man this handsome and soft with mischief in his eyes has to be dangerous. 

“and i know you’re not thrilled about it princess but i’ll also be your man,” he says, his smile still teasing before his laugh echoes through the air at your disgusted scoff. 

“kind of sad you’re so turned off by the idea, though, i was really looking forward to marrying a stranger.”

you hear the sarcasm in his voice and your eyebrow quirks up, tongue darting out across your lips that his eyes can’t help but follow.

“so you agree with me?” you ask, “you think this bullshit?”

“obviously,” san says, a humorless laugh leaving him. “but my dad’s a good man and i’d do anything for him. so i’m sorry but i couldn’t say no, princess. hopefully you’ll learn to deal with me.”

you narrow your eyes at the pet name that falls from his lips again, rolling your eyes before plucking another flower off the bush. he watches you pull at the petals until one remains, bringing it to your lips and blowing the remaining one right in front of him.

the red petal blows off and hits him in the chin, a smirk on your face as he narrows his eyes at you slightly.

“maybe you won’t wanna deal with me,” you say, a hint of danger and playfulness in your tone. “maybe you’ll see how foul i am and beg your dad to call it off.”

the smirk that crosses his face causes your stomach to swoop, your physical attraction to him almost a bigger tragedy than the marriage itself. you don’t know what to make of the way he looks at you, his eyes light and wide before he starts to shake his head.

“maybe...” he says, bringing his hand to your face and watching as your wide eyes follow him. “but i don’t know if that’s a possibility.”

he almost can’t believe you don’t smack him away immediately, his hand cupping your chin and as his thumb and pointer finger lay on your smooth cheeks. 

he can’t even lie in saying he already likes how smooth your skin feels, almost as soft as the velvety petal you blew in his face just moments ago.

“so how ‘bout you just be a good girl? like the way you were back there?” he asks, squeezing your cheeks just a little too roughly as his thumb swipes across your bottom lip. 

he knows he’s pushing it but he doesn’t care. he’ll bear the consequences, whatever they may be, because the look on your face is too amusing.

“like a good little princess for me?”

you don’t know how most of these meetings end but you can’t imagine there are many where the boy goes home with teeth marks in his finger. 

that’s exactly what happens because it’s almost like you can’t even stop yourself, narrowed eyes looking up at him before you open your mouth slightly and place your lips around his finger. 

you allow your teeth to graze his skin just a little too tightly to be considered seductive, though his amused, lustful eyes don’t seem to get that memo as your lips wrap around his finger. 

“if you think that’s what you’re getting, then you’re sadly mistaken, sir.”

but he just can’t get over the fact that you really just bit his fucking finger, the smile on his face so large and poking out his dimples that you think, for a second, he might just be as crazy as you.

“so...how it’d go?” san’s father asks him on the ride home. 

he was surprised by how well his son had taken the news of an arranged marriage.

he mulled over the idea for days in his office, absolutely seeing the benefits your father had suggested but also knowing that marrying for love is one of the best things that could happen to someone.

if his son felt like he was being robbed of that, he wouldn’t have agreed to this for a second; but san had been almost... excited about it. he wasn’t at all turned off by the idea and, instead, thought of it as an opportunity to possibly meet someone. 

he was a little wary, of course, given the fact that it was something as serious as marriage, but he was willing to try and give it a chance, and now, after meeting you, he was absolutely sure he wanted to do this. 

he’d expected a timid little princess who’d submit to him immediately, smiling sweetly and fully prepared to dote on him. try to prove herself to him like she had to do that in the first place. 

but you. 

you were headstrong and outspoken and a challenge that choi san just knew would be worth it. knew after only a few words had left your mouth that he’d made the right decision in telling his father he wanted to do this.

“good,” he said with a smile, his eyes moving to the faint tooth mark in his finger as a chuckle bubbles out of him. “weird... but good. i think we’re gonna end up really liking each other.”

“okay really. how long are you gonna keep this shit up?” 

“what do you mean?” san asked innocently, the two of you bumping arms as you walk around the courtyard. 

your families, but probably mostly your father, had insisted that for the first month, you treat this as the dating stage. get to know one another and learn about each other like any couple would.

“ask him about his goals for when he takes over and rules,” your father had said. “ask him how you could better assist him and make a worthy wife.” you bit down on your tongue so hard you thought you were gonna bleed, burning eyes looking at your mother who only shot you a look of sympathy. 

but then it was no other than mr. choi, again, who brought you comfort, watching you and san greet each other with horribly fake, polite smiles. 

“get to know one another. ask about each other’s likes and dislikes. hobbies. pet peeves. relationship deal breakers. simple stuff, like this is a real date with no royal talk,” he suggested before a large smile broke out on his face, similar dimples to his son’s poking out of his cheeks. “and don’t be afraid to challenge him, y/n. he likes a challenge.”

and for the most part, that’s all you’d been doing. not because he likes it but because that’s what you do.

you found that while you guys did have some things in common, you had many differences as well. you preferred films and plays while he preferred reading and writing. you preferred to spend your time alone while he shared stories with you you about his seven other friends, both royal and ordinary alike. 

you found this whole thing to be absolutely ridiculous and a waste of time while he thought you both should make the most of it. 

“surely you can get out of coming here every week,” you complain, craning your neck to look at him with the same hard expression you’ve being wearing all month. “don’t you have sick children to read to? or trees to plant?” 

“children on monday and planting on wednesday. that leaves me my days to see you,” he tells you, a smirk pulling at his lips when he meets your gaze. “because how could you go on if we didn’t have our fun banter twice a week?” 

“fun banter my ass,” you grumble, a smirk pulling at his lips at the sarcasm dripping in your voice. he thought he would’ve cracked you by now, his flirty smile and brown eyes glinted with amusement; but as he predicted, you were a challenge. 

and he was only further intrigued by that, the way you were so polite and orderly in front of the parents and then beyond sassy and bratty with him. 

he just wanted to see the slightest crack in your demeanor, hear what your laugh sounds like when it’s not sarcastic or see your eyes wide with anything but contempt.

that’s why, for the past two days, he’s been timing the sprinklers. 

he noticed on tuesday they went off twice in the hour you were outside debating over just how big a waste of time these meetings were. and given the way you came at the same time today, he thinks they’re due to go off any minute now. 

“you know, i find it interesting you call it fun when, really, you’re the only one-”

“come with me.” 

his hand in yours is the first thing to throw you off, the way it feels soft but strong and sends a warm, electric feeling through you; but forgive you, you hadn’t really ever had the chance to hold hands with a boy (which is another unspoken reason you think the idea of this arranged marriage is preposterous). 

“what are you doing?” you ask, the grass tickling your bare feet as your dress drags behind you. he pulls you wordlessly into the high fields littered with daises and splashes of pinks and reds that you’ve always admired when you sit out here alone. 

and if you were alone, you’d stay right on the bench and admire from afar. peaceful and tranquil and away from the life you know you should be grateful for but only makes you mad. 

but because you’re not alone, because some obnoxious, intrusive, handsome prince won’t leave you the hell alone, you’re currently being dragged further out into the flowers.

“san! what are you doing?” you repeat, though doing nothing to disconnect your hands from his; you’re gonna lie and say it’s because he’s too strong.

“any minute now,” he says and the playful sing song tone of his voice makes your eyebrows pull together; what the hell is he on about? 

“until what?” you ask, finally ripping your hand from his and placing both on your hips. “until i drag you out by your ear and tell on you for smoking pot?” 

he rolls his eyes at his ill-placed confession from a few weeks ago, shrugging his shoulders carelessly because something tells him you wouldn’t. no matter how much you’d want to, he just doesn’t think you would; but he’s not about to tell you that.

“then i’ll tell on you for your foul mouth, princess. trying to fool everyone with your ‘yes sir’ and ‘no ma’am’ and little curtseys.”

you roll your eyes and let out a scoff, about to tear into him before his finger covers your mouth. “and let’s not forget how you bit me during our first meeting.”

“i’m thinking about doing it again,” you retort despite the way his light brown eyes have continued to make your stomach do little flips. 

a deep chuckle leaves his mouth, a smirk crossing his face as he takes a step closer to you. and just like he did the first day, his thumb runs across your lower lip like he has every and any right to make you feel this warm over something so small. 

“don’t get me too excited now,” he says, his eyebrows shooting up playfully causing your eyes to narrow.

“not only a pothead but a masochistic. how tragic,” you quip, shaking your head as you look up at him. “i bet nobody knows their beloved prince is actually  a little fu-”

the familiar churning of sprinklers causes the words to die in your throat, looking down at the ground before back at san whose smirk quirks into a full blown, dimply smile. and it’s such a cute smile you almost forget you should be annoyed, that he just dragged you here against your will and are now about to be pelted with water. 

but once the coldness hits you, his high-pitched laughs ring through the air and you can’t help but let out a surprised yelp. you smack him in the arm and are about to start yelling his name again when he takes you by the hand and makes you both run through the sprinkler.

“are you crazy! what are you-”

“don’t tell me you’re scared to get your dress ruined, princess,” he mocks, his own slacks dry as he watches the water soak the bottom of your skirt. and it’s upon hearing that that your eyes narrow at him, tongue poking at your cheek before you reach out and fist his shirt in your hand. 

“of course not,” you say, a smile pulling at your lips as you look up at him. he doesn’t know if you purposely make your eyes wide with a hint of...something, but it makes his heart jump. 

it could be because, for the past month, he’s been starting to like you even more. that even though you hadn’t opened up to him about anything else, just put up your tough front with witty banter and rolling eyes, he didn’t care; he’d take this at your pace and follow whatever moves you made.

even though he thinks it could also be your hand fisting his shirt that’s making him a tiny bit flustered, your fingers grazing his abs through his white shirt as your lips quirk up into a smile. 

“but this is only fair, since it was your bright idea.”

and then you pull him closer and watch in amusement as his pants quickly grow soaked, giggling when you see his face morph into surprise at the coldness.

you take off through the field before he can say anything back, lifting up your dress so you don’t trip and fall and further delay your escape from him. 

but it doesn’t appear to even matter because his arms quickly find their way around your waist, a squeal leaving you as you shake your head and an uncontrollable laugh bubbles out of you.

it’s such a juvenile thing, running through a field and playing in sprinklers, but it fills you with such an unfamiliar sense of happiness you can’t help but giggle. because the idea alone is so...childish and and stupid and yet here you are, running and elbowing san as you chase each other and muddy your feet and dress.

“how did you even know they were gonna go off!” you yelp, standing away from the sprinklers as you watch san catch up to you again. 

“noticed tuesday and figured we could use some fun,” he says with a smile, eyes now holding a sarcastic glint. “you know, since these past few weeks have been miserable for you.” 

you purse your lips to the side as you look up at him, eyes narrowed with the slightest hint of softness making its way through. but you just can’t help it, with his playful eyes and childish idea that makes something inside you feel so stupidly...happy; but you’re not about to tell him that.

“and you thought getting me drenched would make it better?” 

the smile on your face and amusement in your eyes is all he needs to nod with confidence, his head cocking to the side as he looks down at you. 

“yes,” he says simply, his eyes roaming over your face and feeling his heart tug in his chest. “because that’s the prettiest smile i’ve seen from you since we’ve met.” 

your eyes widen at his words because he said them like they were nothing, like they weren’t gonna make your insides jump and face feel flushed. because, for once, you’re speechless and can only blink at him. 

he smirks at your expression, not a word leaving his mouth ash he turns back around to play childishly in the sprinkler. but you’re just so hung up on his words and the way they made you feel, the way he just said it to say it and move on, only making you more confident choi san is a lot more dangerous than he lets on. 

but you quickly shake your head and make your way over to him, pushing him further back so the water shoots him in the back of the pants. 

“i think it’s the only smile you’ve seen from me.”

san bites down on his lip so he doesn’t bluntly chuckle at your attempt to cover up your shock, shrugging his shoulders as he sees the slightest hint of pink still on your cheeks. 

“what are you so shy for, huh?” he asks, the smirk he was trying to hold back blooming on his face. “you called me hot the first day, because don’t worry, i didn’t forget. and now i called you pretty. so we’re even.”

a scoff leaves your mouth as you roll your eyes, pushing him backward until his feet land right in a pile of mud. and when he looks up at you, a mix of surprise and amusement in his gaze, you take off again as you muffle your giggles in your hand. 

it was almost unbelievable that, nearly five weeks later, your dad still wasn’t over the sprinkler mishap.

because that evening, when he saw you and san come in with muddy shoes and soaked pants, he immediately assumed you had done something. lured him out there in an attempt to show your dislike for him and this situation when, meanwhile, it had been the very opposite. 

for a split second, it made you think this situation was okay. that maybe you could like san and this forced relationship wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world right now. 

but how stupid were you to think that, to think that you could have control over anything in your life and build something on your own (even what was initially an unwanted relationship). 

because now, just due to a little muddy fun, all of your meetings were inside where the watchful eyes and ears of your parents were close by.

where if your dad thought you were gonna do something destructive, he could show off expensive china or art work to san, like the young man really gave a flying fuck. where if your mom saw you with a familiar glint in your eye, she could shoot you a sympathetic look and silently beg for you to stop. 

today’s meeting was a little different, though, both your parents and san’s at the dining room table as you two sat next to one another. 

the atmosphere was horribly awkward, the watchful eye of your father making you incredibly unnerved; how are you supposed to do this when it’s like you’re being inspected under a microscope? 

“so, how’s everything going?” san’s dad asked softly, resulting in you responding with a sweet, small “good.” 

but already two minutes into this meeting, you’re deemed unworthy by your father. 

“hopefully she hasn’t tried to pull you into anymore shenanigans, san,” your father had said, his voice attempting to be laced with humor but only sounding gruff and forced. 

“no, no, not at all,” san insisted politely, sending a small smile your dad’s way. “i...i think it’s going good, given the circumstances.”

and they probably assume the circumstances are this arrangement itself. forcing you two together for the good of two kingdoms and not you as people. 

but really, he means this. keeping you guys inside with their nosy eyes and ears just a few feet away. keeping you guys from having loud, fun banter and instead hushed conversations and small, playful slaps you have to keep silent. 

“i hope so,” your dad says lowly. he meets your gaze and sees the tightness in your eyes, narrowing his ever so slightly before he continues. 

“she does have a tendency to become...too much. and mouthy. it’s why we keep her out of the public eye, as i’m sure you’ve noticed. but the more you get to know her, the more you’ll learn how to-”

“why are you talking about me like i’m not here?” you snap. 

you didn’t want to say anything. you really weren’t going to. but fuck, you just can’t help it. because who does he think he is? you’re literally sitting a few seats away from him and he’s gonna talk about you like you’re not even in the room? 

talk about how troubled and outspoken you are but that once the boy gets to know you enough, it’ll be okay for him to reprimand you in the macho, demanding way he himself does.

“y/n...” he growls warningly, your mom’s eyes immediately turning panicked as she looks at you desperately. but you’ve bit your tongue for weeks around your father and the choi’s and you’ve had enough of him thinking this is okay. 

“no, father. either address me directly or don’t talk about me like i’m not here. but you know, why don’t i just leave right now? i think we’re all over it, yourself included, so tense and nervous as you wait for my next mouthy outburst.”

your dad stiffens and looks at you with a deadly expression, eyes cold and hard as you get snippy in front of the choi’s. it’s one thing to do it in front of the help but in front of someone like them? someone full of power and who he’s trying to prove himself to? 

you won’t be surprised if he makes you sleep outside tonight. 

“enough, y/n,” he says sternly, looking at san and his father with an apologetic look. “see, this is what i mean. she’s....very strong, though, which could be commendable for a queen. you’ll just have to teach her to-”

“he won’t have to teach me anything, i’m not a dog,” you spit, the annoyance flaring in your veins causing the words and snippy tone to pour out. 

“oh, really?” your dad says through gritted teeth, his back straightening as he looks at you the way he has many nights. many nights of you guys erupting into yelling and screaming until your throat is raw and your dad’s red in the face. 

“because you were taught to not run in sprinklers and you were taught to wear shoes. but that one didn’t seem to get through your head, did it?” 

and if you weren’t so annoyed right now, you’d be happy the san’s dad is seeing your dad like this. 

the ruler of a kingdom who portrays himself to be so poised and fair losing it over his daughter’s snippy comments. his eyes on fire and jaw set so angrily, it looks like he’s about to jump over the table and drag you out by your hair. 

“jesus christ, not that nonsense again,” you say as you roll your eyes. “i already told you i didn’t do anything to-”

“that was my idea.” 

you and your father’s heads snap to san who just spoke, his face and demeanor completely calm as he looks at the older man a few seats away. 

“i timed the sprinklers because i thought it’d be fun,” san says, slight amusement in his voice as he explains the situation. how he didn’t mean for you guys to come in as messy as you did and that he’d just wanted to have a little fun with you.

“we’re just both a little...hesitant about all of this and wanted to relieve some stress,” san says, “i didn’t mean to cause any problems. i’m sorry.” 

and like his head wasn’t about to explode over it three second ago, your dad looks at san thoughtfully before nodding his head and clapping his hands together. 

“oh! well....that’s great then. as long as you guys are feeling a bit better about things.”

san looks to you and is fearful when he can’t read your expression, eyes trained down but body so tense and stiff, it seems as if you’re about to yell again. 

“i...i think so,” san mumbles quietly, not even sure if anyone heard his words. 

an awkward silence fills the grand dining room, only the clattering of utensils and a softly spoken “my apologies,” in your pounding ears. you’re faintly aware of your father speaking again, even laughing after a few moments as he recalls you guys coming in looking like wet dogs. 

laughing because, now that he found out it was the great choi san’s idea, it’s funny. it’s not distasteful or foolish or jeopardizing but one big funny, hilarious story they’ll be able to tell in a few years. 

and when you can’t take anymore of the fake laughter between the parents or  san’s gaze burning a hole in the side of your face, you get up wordlessly from your chair. 

you’re faintly aware of your mom calling your name and your dad making some sort of gruff noise but you don’t even care, your shoes clacking against the floor as you make your way to the courtyard. 

and you only get about three seconds of peace in the cool air before san comes around the corner, your eyes raising to him before rolling away. 

“what?” he asks lightheartedly as he sits down next to you, his eyes clear and soft as they look at you. 

and you don’t know how he manages to do it, have such sweet kind eyes but a voice full of amusement and playfulness. how he could go from serious to playful to serious in the matter of five seconds. 

meanwhile you’re known to brew. 

you don’t mean to but you do, sit on your emotions and feelings and let them completely consume you until you explode. until you get so irritated by your life and the lack of choices and respect you have, that you completely lose it. 

“you didn’t have to do that.”

and he almost...expected those words from you, but he didn’t expect the harsh bite to them. he didn’t expect your eyes to look at him with such anger and annoyance, like he was the one blaming you for something you didn’t even do.

“do...what?”

“defend me. i could’ve handled him just fine on my own but you had to butt in and act like a hero. i’m more than capable of speaking for myself, san, so i highly recommend you-”

“i wasn’t defending you nor was i trying to act like a hero,” he says, cutting you off with a look of confusion all over his handsome face. “he was blaming you for something i did. why wouldn’t i have said anything?”

“because i can speak for myself,” you snap. “i don’t need you coming to my rescue like i’m some weak little girl being scolded by her father. if you just let him handle it, i would’ve told him that was your bright idea.”

“i was just trying to help, y/n, i don’t really see what the big deal is,” san grumbles, unsure as to where this change in you came from.

because ever since that day, you two had been...good. great even. getting along and chatting and laughing and he’d seen so much of your real smile, he found that he couldn’t go a few days without seeing it. 

found himself thinking about you when he was with his friends who immediately noticed and made fun of him, called him whipped and crazy for falling for someone who’s being forced to be his wife. thinking about how, out of everyone he could’ve gotten married to you, it was someone like you who always kept him on his toes.

thinking about the ways your arms will bump now and you won’t move away, the way your hands graze one another and the one time your pinkies wrapped around each other and you threw him the softest, sweetest of smiles before giggling.

but this. your anger and annoyance toward him when he was genuinely only trying to help? he’s not sure what to make of it. 

he’s not used to people not liking the good things he does. and it’s not like he does it for praise, he does it because it’s the right thing to do; but he can’t even lie and say your reaction isn’t hurting his feelings a little bit. 

“of course you don’t,” you spit, shaking your head as you look at him with fire behind your eyes. “because the second you said something, it was okay. he no longer thought it was childish and stupid but something so fucking funny and humorous.”

“and that’s my fault?” he asks, his eyebrows pinched together as he looks at you. because he’s genuinely trying to understand what he did so wrong to upset you this much. “how was i supposed to know he’d do that?” 

“if you just didn’t get involved at all, there wouldn’t have been an issue.”

because you always fought your own battles against your dad and you’ll continue to; you don’t need anyone defending you when you’re fully capable of defending yourself. 

“did it ever occur to you that i didn’t like seeing him talk to you like that?”

and when those words leave his mouth, for whatever reason, they make you even more angry. whether it be because of how easy it is for him to say that or because you secretly liked hearing it or because this absurd arrangement shouldn’t have happened in the first place and you shouldn’t be feeling what you do now, you’re not sure. 

you just know that when you look at him, you see such raw honesty that it immediately makes you shake your head and laugh in his face. 

“and why would that be the case, san?” you ask, trying to ignore how your stomach is sickening and heart is twisting. “god, don’t tell me you’re actually starting to like me or something.”

and then pain flashes behind his eyes and you feel a knot form in your throat, praying to god he doesn’t try to sit any closer to you.

“why would that be such a bad thing?” he asks you, your eyes meeting his after a few silent moments and your heart cracks at the soft spoken tone of his voice. “because that’s exactly what i’m about to te-”

“don’t.” 

he looks at you with wide eyes and swears he sees your eyes gloss over for a second, shaking your head as you gather your stupidly long, uncomfortable dress and stand up quickly. 

you have to get away from him. you can’t deal with this right now. you’re far too angry and upset and annoyed and you can’t think straight. you know you don’t even mean the things you’re saying to him but you’re just so...consumed by your feelings that you don’t know what to do.

“why?” you hear him ask, turning around to see him leaned back and looking at you with a cocked head. his expression looks almost cocky now but he knows you can probably see it’s a front. “are you scared?”

and it’s in the way you feel like you’re about to cry or have a heart attack that you know the answer is a giant yes. that these two months have been effecting you far more than you’d like and hearing him say this stuff is making you see that. 

but he can’t see that. he can’t see that you might like him too and are scared. that more and more everyday, you’ve been allowing him to see more of you and slowly and stupidly allowing yourself to submit to this arrangement. 

because that’s what it is: an arrangement. a business deal, basically, that shouldn’t have feelings attached or soft spoken words or teasing touches. shouldn’t be making you feel all of these different emotions and breaking you to a point you’ve never been before. 

“i have nothing to be scared of,” you say, hoping your voice sounds stronger and more determined than you feel; and when his eyes widen and eyebrow raises, you think you might’ve accomplished that. 

“because it’s just an arrangement, san. whether we like each other or not, it’s happening. so let’s not make this more dramatic than it has to be. that’ll only make things complicated.”

but you feel like the dramatic one when you walk away from him and sneak back into the house. you hear the quiet whispers of your parents and san’s as you walk past the dining hall and up to your room, hoping that you’re able to lock yourself in there without interruption and get that sweet, hopeful look on san’s face out of your head. 

but much to your dismay, it never leaves.

you’re haunted by the reminder of your harsh words and his hurt expression and the way you probably just ruined everything; because while the visits continued, you and san’s communication hasn’t. 

you two move around the courtyard in silence, a few feet always between you two as you guys walk like strangers and try to ignore the thick tension in the air. try to ignore the memories of getting to know one another and running through the sprinklers and holding pinkies.

try to ignore the way every flower you pass is one that san would’ve snuck behind your ear by now, his fingers sliding through the strands of your hair before you rolled your eyes and pushed him away. 

try to ignore how, even on the worst nights you’d have before his arrival, you’d always manage to smile at least once with him. and you could really use a smile right now, could really use hearing his nice voice or bask in the comfort of your bumping arms after the night you had. 

because there was only two and half weeks until your wedding, your dress fitting just last night fully putting everything into perspective for you. that in less than 20 days, you’ll be married to san and living somewhere else. you’ll meet his people and his friends and make a whole new life for yourself. 

you’ll have thousands of people making impressions and comments about you while you can only sit there, smile and take it. 

no matter how hurtful or untrue or upsetting, you’ll have to. but you suppose it’s not different from your treatment now, your dad seeing you in your wedding dress and commenting on how it looks “fit for a queen.” 

but he had said nothing about you. didn’t even say you looked nice or that he was excited to walk you down the aisle or that he was happy you came around. he just simply waved you off, like you were wearing any old dress and not a dress for the wedding he fall but forced you to have.

not that you wanted or needed his approval. but you thought it would’ve been...nice for him to actually acknowledge the fact you were here, without any snippy comments or threats to run away, and accepting this marriage.

even though accepting it didn’t calm your worries. it didn’t make you feel any less worse for lashing out at san and making him feel bad. 

that was just one of the many things that made you break down last night, cried until your pillow was soaked and your eyes were puffy and you think it’s evident to everyone in the surrounding area how messed up you look. 

even san when he walked in, he narrowed his eyes at you and raised a brow but didn’t comment as you two followed suit to the courtyard. you both sat down on the bench for a few moments, enjoying the may breeze and smell of flowers before he quietly asked if you wanted to walk.

he lets out a sigh when you shake your head and proceeds to stand up, mumbling something unintelligible before making his way to the familiar path you’ve been walking for months.

he probably thinks you declined because you’re still mad at him and want nothing to do with him but, really, it’s because somehow, you still have tears left to cry. you still feel so guilty and stressed and upset and you were so fucking stupid to attack him for being nice to you. 

you don’t know when or how you started to like him or when you became so terrified but now it’s like after not speaking to him, you miss him. 

you miss the banter you once hated so much and you miss how easy it was with him. you miss feeling something flutter in your chest and like a girl who finally allowed some walls to come down.

but you didn’t realize your walls coming down would result in this many tears, more frustrated than anything that you can’t make them stop. 

so you hide your face in your hands to muffle them, taking in deep shaky breaths and shaking your head as you try to get it together. but then you hear footsteps making their way toward you and you shoot your head up, your hands flying away from your face just as you’re pulled up and dragged away. 

you don’t know where he’s bringing you until you see he’s pulled you to the familiar area where the sprinklers are, san’s body turning and wiping at your wet, red face without much of a second thought.

“are you finally gonna talk to me now?” 

and you don’t know why but that makes more tears gather in your eyes, lower lip wobbling in a way that makes you feel so weak and stupid. but you watch his face soften and whine against him as he brings you into his chest, shushing you quietly and you immediately allow yourself to melt into him.

attempt to memorize the way you feel against him and how warm his body is, how good and fresh he smells despite the sun beating on him and his low, deep voice in your ear telling you it’s okay to cry. 

because he just knows this isn’t something you do often. you don’t cry and allow yourself to feel weak and yet here you are, whimpering into him and pulling at his shirt like you’re about to fall apart. 

“i am scared,” you say quietly, the words muffled by his shirt but he’s still able to make them out. “i’m really fucking scared and this...i don’t know what i’m doing.”

the words make him chuckle and he pulls back, his hands on your cheeks as he raises an eyebrow and looks down at you. “and you think i do?” he hums lowly, his thumb swiping under your cheek so gently, it’s like you’re made of glass. 

his heart pulls in his chest as a tiny pout forms on your lips, hand coming up to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear, wishing he plucked a flower off the bush because up until a few weeks ago, he’d seen the smile you tried to fight every single time he did it. 

“it seems like you do,” you mumble quietly, your teary eyes looking up at him as you fight the urge to let out a tiny sob. “i...i ruined everything. i said things i didn’t even mean and was so mean to you and you... you didn’t deserve that. you were just trying to help and-”

“you were always mean. i don’t know why you’re just getting so upset about it now.”

your eyebrows pull together and there he is again, managing to go from sweet and serious to teasing and playful that makes you smack him in the arm lightly; you’ve been upset for weeks and here is he making fun of you. 

“i’m being serious, right now san!”

“so am i,” he says with a smile, his hand caressing your cheek and he can’t even stop his chest from soaring when you slightly move into his touch. “i knew this was happening whether we liked each other or not,” he says, your heart falling as you remember the last words you said to him. 

you’re about to speak again when he puts his finger to your lips, his eyes falling to them before he continues to speak. “and i didn’t expect you to like me back and i know i probably made it scarier when i dropped that bomb on you. so i’m sorry for that.” 

you frown at the way he feels like he has to apologize when you’re the one who should be saying that. when you were the one to get mad at him for sticking up for you, mad at him because your dad is the asshole who can’t find it in him to see you and san as equals.

“why are you apologizing?” you whine, about ready to cry again like a frustrated child; your tone and face almost make him laugh but he’s able to bite it back. “i’m the one who’s sorry. i acted like a total fucking bitch.”

“we can both be sorry, princess,” he says, eyes glinted with such amusement and fondness it makes you swallow nervously. your eyebrows pull together and you let out a huff, looking over his face and feeling that familiar fluttering in your chest.

he really is so handsome and kind and sweet and you have no business being with him. you have no business thinking you can-

“next time this happens, because we both know it will, just talk to me,” he says, back to the soft-spoken, serious san that makes your eyes water for completely different reasons. 

makes you wish you could maybe just kiss him a little bit because that’s how much you’ve missed talking with him. “don’t ignore me or shut me out because you’re scared. we didn’t even do the scary part yet.” 

and you don’t know if those words were supposed to bring you comfort but they absolutely don’t, your eyes widening and face paling in a way that makes his dimples poke out.

“i’m just saying,” he says quietly, his hand moving through a stand of your hair again. “i don’t want us to fight. i want us to talk everything out so maybe, this doesn’t turn out to be as big a waste of time as you thought.”

a tiny pout crosses your face and you shake your head but he continues to talk, tells you that you don’t have to feel the same way as him. that he’ll push the feelings down and you both could pretend he never said that. that you could just do this as friends and wait to see what happens. 

that you don’t need to make any big decisions now and can just focus on getting the ceremony over with.

but you, being the reckless fool you are, don’t hear any of that. 

you don’t know how you feel about becoming a wife in a few weeks but you know that you didn’t like not talking to him. you know that you hated seeing the look on his face when you snapped harshly at him and you know that, right now, even though he’s in the middle of talking, you wanna kiss him.

so that’s exactly what you do.

fist his shirt the same way you did when you pulled him into the sprinkler all those weeks ago and crash your lips together. you’re impressed by the way he immediately responds, almost as if he knew you were gonna do this, and was eagerly ready to kiss you back. 

and once your mouths part on one another, it’s like there’s no going back. 

every ounce of sexual tension and emotional energy comes back full force and is poured into the kiss. you think this is either the best or worst thing you could do right now but, truthfully, have no regard for that. 

especially not when he’s meeting you back with the same amount of fervor, groaning quietly against your lips before he pulls back and lowers his gaze to yours. 

“i...do you know what you just did?” he asks gruffly, not knowing if it was just the heat of the moment or if this was something you wanted. 

but then you answer him quickly when you push him back and he stumbles over his feet, falling back onto the fluffy grass and his eyes widening when you bend down and straddle his lap.

“yes,” you say breathily, searching his face for any sign of objection because maybe he’s feeling hesitant about this. maybe he’s uncomfortable with you attacking him after ignoring him for weeks. maybe he thinks this is way too fast and crazy and-

but then he fists your hair and pulls you down to meet his lips, groaning when you lean down and rub against him in the process. you smile against his lips and his hands move to your hips for good measure, squeezing warningly as if to  tell you not to test him. 

that’s you’ve tested him since the moment you two have met and he’s been dying to humble you in this way. 

it’s why he allows you to take control as your lips part on one another, swallowing each other’s moans and whines before you break apart from him and kiss at his freckled neck.

you remember noticing them the first day you met and pushing down this very urge, trying to convince yourself that, if given the opportunity, you wouldn’t litter his neck with hickies for the sake of hearing him moan out your name. 

but now that you’re here, you know you were stupid to think otherwise. think that you could be unfazed by this prince in any way and not end up straddling him and kissing down his neck teasingly. 

so teasingly, with warm breath from your giggles and the tip of your tongue and teeth grazing him, that you end up being flipped on your back in the fluffy patch of tall grass.

“i’m not surprised you’re a fucking tease like this either, princess,” he says lowly, his hand resting on lower stomach and you’re grateful for the casual, flowey skirt you were deemed okay to wear today. 

“tease?” you quip with your head cocked to the side, a smirk on your face despite the way you feel like you can’t breathe.

because arousal and lust is quickly taking over and the look on his face isn’t helping, matching your desire but also with a glint of his own teasing; you think, if you don’t play your cards right in the next few moments, you could be walking away from this incredibly frustrated.

but the look that flares in his eyes is just all too fun, his eyes narrowing before his hand drags down just a little bit lower. your breath catches in your throat and you know he hears it because a dimply smirk crosses his face, his mouth catching yours in a kiss that claims you. 

it’s all tongue and moans and when you try to slip your own in his mouth, he’s quick to press down on your fabric covered core.

“ah, ah,” he hums lowly against your mouth, smirking when he hears you let out a huff.

“san...” you whine warningly but he only presses down a little harder, his pointer finger dragging up and down in a move that shoots sparks right through you. a part of you wants to push him back and tease him too, palm him through his pants and roll your hips over him until he’s just as worked up as you.

but another part of you wants to beg him to slip his hand in your skirt and help relieve the ache quickly growing between your legs. and with the way he takes your face in his hand and forces you to look at him, you think that’s where this is probably going much to your dismay.

“i told you, you were gonna be good for me,” he says lowly, voice deep and husky in a way you haven’t heard yet. “didn’t i say that? that you were gonna be a good little princess for me?”

“i don’t know, maybe if you actually touched me, i’d be more inclined,” you hum back, ignoring the way the words that used to fill you with such irritation make your stomach swoop with desire. “unless i’m gonna have to do it myself.” 

and when his eyes flare again, you have to bite back a smirk until your mouth falls open with a moan. 

because before you can even bask in the feeling of getting under his skin the way you’ve come to love, he’s rubbing at your clit and a finger is teasing your wetness.

“and now?” he asks lowly, bending down so his words ghost over your ear. you cry out again when he slips his finger all the way in, your walls clenching around him as he picks up the pace and skillfully flicks at your clit. “are you gonna finally be good for me now?”

your head rolls back when you feel the knot in your stomach start to tighten, your hair splayed out on the grass as you squirm and moan out from his fingers fucking into you. 

but he can only smirk at the way you’ve finally submit to him, taking your face in his hand and bending down to claim your mouth again. he kisses you until you’re moaning into his mouth, grasping onto his shoulder as an orgasm rips through your body and renders you in a state of euphoria.

you cry out his name and he only hums lowly about how good and tight you are, how pretty you sound whining and moaning for him and how, in just a few weeks, he can’t wait to hear it again.

because once you can catch your breath, he kisses your cheek and guides you to his chest gently. his hand runs through your hair almost to the point of lulling you to sleep before you hear him softly ask if you’re okay with everything.

your eyebrows pull together as you pop an eye open, resting your chin on his chest as you look up at him with wide eyes. 

“i mean, yeah, i was just gonna catch my breath before i sucked your-”

“oh, my god, not that,” he says, a high pitched laugh leaving his mouth that makes your cheeks flush and face fall into his shirt. but he’s quick to pull you away and smile at you, brown eyes shining in the sun as he looks down at you.

“i meant...with this. the marriage and ceremony,” he says softly, not wanting to freak you out again but knowing, especially, after that, you both have to be on the same page. “i can say we need more time to figure it out or ask my dad if he could-”

“no,” you blurt out, surprising both of you by the certainty in your face. you ignore the heat rising to your cheeks as you shake your head, eyes roaming over his expression that’s gradually becoming more and more happy. 

“i mean...i just think...i think it’ll be okay.” 

his smile was soft and warm as you say those words, the hopeful twinge in his chest not surprising him in the slightest because, almost since the moment you bit his finger, he was hoping it was gonna be okay.

the stark contrast between your home and san’s was...staggering to say the least. because while both estates were daunting and gaudy and far too large for any one family, there was a certain aura to it that made it much more homey. 

in the way his parents welcomed you with open arms and gushed with tears in their eyes how happy they were. 

in the way each and every member of staff expressed their genuine excitement in meeting you, swapping out handshakes for hugs when san guided you by the small of your back. 

in the way loud, booming voices echoed through the halls, footsteps stomping on the ground before seven bodies came barreling in through the door, two of them wiping out on the hard, stone floor.

“where is she!”

“san’s queen, come out wherever you are!”

“i cant believe he’s getting married!” 

you turn around just as five of them swarm around you, a polite smile on your face as you wave at all of the boys you’ve heard so much about. you barely get out a “hi, nice to meet-” before two of them grab you by the hand and out the door, a squeal leaving your mouth as you look back at san.

but he only shoots you a thumbs up and mouths “good luck,” the boys you now know as wooyoung and mingi talking excitedly to you. how there hasn’t been a wedding here in years and they can’t wait to dance and celebrate with you guys. how they’re so happy you gave san a chance even though they knew “shit was kind of crazy.” 

and then they can’t help but squeal and smile when they see your cheeks heat up and your head drop shyly, wooyoung whispering that san came back telling them all about the crazy princess who bit his finger.

[glasscupsss]

Honestly, I'm exhausted from this fandom like elriel, all the social networks make me feel crazy.When I started reading in my teens it was an escape and those were the SJM books for me, but now I feel caught up in so many misogynistic, sexist and downright disgusting comments. I know these are fantasy books that nothing is real, but if those people think the characters will do the same thing in real life, it's heartbreaking. There are a lot of people who just gave up on this series and frankly for mental health it's the best.

i feel you :( when i first started reading the books it was amazing and exciting but upon entering the fandom and post acosf it’s just been so frustrating and exhausting. i’ve lost a lot of faith in sjm but i’m hoping she sticks to her guns and tells the story she’s planned thus far. if not it would be super disappointing and i don’t think i would ever read from her again. right now i’m even questioning reading anything with the whole silence and interview bs. but i want to believe it’s all a scheme and she will stay true to herself and her story because these characters are so interesting and mean so much to me. she used to seem so excited and enthusiastic about elain and azriels story, idk what happened or if she’s putting on an act but it’s really disheartening to see as a reader. it certainly seems like a healthier option to stay out of the fandom and the series atp but i’m still hoping 🤞🏼

[honey-milk-depresso]

Hey honey! I was wondering if you knew what happened with jinny (@hisjinny) bc they deactivated. I thought they apologised and everything was well and good

I actually have a draft explaining what has happened to Jinny (but just trying not to get it long-winded), but thank you for asking, I will explain what has happened.

TW: Hate anon, discourse, harassment

If you look over to @hisjinny-deactivated20180916 and all the anons who they had to reply to made me sick.

They continuously harassed her even after they had apologised and still kept making more and more remarks about being “toxic” and what not.

For those who don’t know, @/hisjinny had apparently been plagiarising @/minqai’s blog twice, and while stating a reason as to why, accepted they were in the wrong and apologised, but apparently some anons wanted to be absolutely horrible.

I do not support plagiarism, again, just as stated in this post I made, but I do not condone harassment against anyone, or just making mean and horrible remarks to shun someone to the extent of deactivating.

I’m pretty sure they had way more (according to how they expressed to me through our dms), and I’m just sick of seeing these type of things.

Harassing someone and threatening a person who’s “scummy” or in the wrong doesn’t make you any better than them. Heck, it probably makes you worse.

It’s the common thing seeing people online nowadays going to others’ inboxes to deactivate or “KYS” and I’m honestly disheartened, disappointed and disgusted. They even do this as anonymous like- really? They don’t even have the courage to say such mean things with their true identity, which shows they know harassing someone like this is wrong, but chose to do it anyways. 

Even @/minqai didn’t approve of harassing Jinny, either. If you have done this to anyone, honestly, you disgust me. That’s the one thing I cannot tolerate.

I’ve went through so much anon hate before, but I can’t accept it if you decide to harass and be absolutely insensitive and malicious to others just because they have been in the wrong. Do you honestly think it’ll solve anything? Even if it did, it wasn’t peaceful, no one’s happy, and you’re a dick. You go on to harass people associated with them who didn’t even know, and while I didn’t really care, I was pretty tired and with you just bugging me to get involved in a situation I barely know and not related with, it’s kind of annoying and a little pressurising.

Unfollow me right now if you have. I’m frankly not proud or thankful to have a follower so horrible.

[doodlingraka]

Your sketches is so beautiful!! I love Lockwood and co too, but I just wondered if I could ask which book/scene is shown in the drawing where luce, Lockwood and holly are all in the taxi together? And again your work is… I have no words! Thank you so much for reading this and I hope I haven’t caught you at a busy time! Xx 😊

Hello, thanks but pease don't send me anonymous messages, I can't reply privately if you do. That pic is an invented scene it originally had its own caption but it was deleted and put in a sketchdump.

Anyway I am seizing this opportunity to tell a few things, hope you won't mind.

I had a big problem of reposters, thefts and plagiarism which made me stop sharing LW art at all. Not sure it worked because I still get reactions for stuff I did ages ago, but I have never dealt with something like this before and I am very confused on how to handle it. Dealing with this had a learning curve, I used to share anything I did with a caption explaining the context (some pics had sense only associated to other fan content or discussions). I thought it was a thing between me and a dozen people here, not that it was reshared elsewhere so I used to share piece by piece then delete and reshare in a sketchdump. Sometime people did fanrt of my fanart I thought it was fun and flattetring! I had no clue it would take these proportions.

Being an adult and a published author I avoid engaging in internet fights, nor I have the time to persecute all the abuses of my work. This doesn't mean I don't see stuff and I don't get very upset. I took a tour on pinterest and I am frankly baffled and disheartened by the comments under nonsense pics asking explanations to the reposter (guys, really?) who didn't even care to put a caption or a link to my sites. I had people using my art or my designs for commissions, merch and even ...a couple of serious things I can't mention without starting a legal action against them. It was honestly crazy.

Some who actively exploit my designs (not even crediting) DMed me asking to drop my take on Scarlett and Browne and not even realizing how self entitled such request might be - I believe that's made with no malice, just not understanding the extent of the damage this is doing to me. I wish people realized than when assuming my designs are the default, no credits, that's the franchise slowly acquiring my work without paying a cent for it. I am beyond disgusted from what is happening and way too much in the industry and aware of copyright laws to make money out of it without the original IP owner's explicit consent (Stroud's). If i could go back, I wish I had never shared my fanarts online but now I can't even take it down because it was reshared all over the place and having it on my sites is the only prove I am the person behind the designs currently used (which were never bought\acquired by the franchise anyway).

My hope is that the show will bring up an original charismatic design so far from mine that everyone will follow them and I can restart actually having fun and engage with this fandom as I used to. So the conclusion is, I can't stop the flow because the damage was already done but if you aren't a total asshat CREDIT me as the source, or if you like my work and want to support me please require for credits to be added. You can also tip me on ko-fi https://ko-fi.com/doodlingraka

---- EDIT: also, to be clear, that’s not a witch hunt not me making up stuff, there are a few elements who aren’t in the books who clearly tell when I am the original source of a design. I am referring to artworks who undoubtly feature them, sometime with a whole pose included.

[tuiyla]

Not the original venting anon, but your response made me think of something that I wanted to get out of my head. The way some people treated/talked about Cory and Naya’s passings was disheartening. I also think that the way the rest of the cast has been treated in their grief is sickening. They’ve been pressured to respond publicly about very personal situations and when they have posted, their words have been dissected to death. I especially think this is true with their grief over M*rk. It’s easy for us to not grieve him because we didn’t know him, the most we knew was his awful crimes so writing him off was simple for fans. But the cast knew him personally and had developed friendships with him before the truth came out. I imagine they had a lot of complicated emotions with his passing, and instead of having empathy, fans immediately wanted to crucify them if they so much as mentioned him. The cast had already been expected to grieve publicly with Cory, and then they weren’t allowed to grieve publicly at all with M*rk, then they were pushed constantly to discuss Naya while she was missing and after she’d been found. I just can’t imagine what that kind of scrutiny during multiple grieving processes must have been like. Especially since so many “fans” felt entitled to be included in their grief but only allowed it to be displayed in the ways they wanted.

Sorry Anon I didn't get to this yesterday, even more Glee cast drama lol, but yeah I'm glad you got this out. You're right, people treated the cast's grief as some sort of public spectacle they owe us. It's disturbing. Grief is a bitch anyway but to be scrutinized over it, be expected to perform it, that's really fucked up. I'm not going to lie and pretend I didn't check the cast's instas on Friday, hoping they'd post about Naya or that I'm not gonna check it tomorrow. It's nice to see them remember Naya and Cory. But they don't owe us anything and what people post and say publicly isn't representative of anything. I just... really wish celebrity culture to die, frankly.

And you know, I agree on Mark. He did despicable things and I consider him to have been a despicable person, and I think people who knew him probably do too. But that doesn't mean they can just, not mourn him, mourn the person they thought they knew. Yes I'm talking about Hemo and how she was dragged on twitter last year. We can judge Mark for the person he was and, as people who didn't know him, not feel conflicted about his death. But people who considered him a friend at some point in time could still be disgusted and yet still feel sad about the loss. That's human but it's not allowed in this performance of grief they have to engage in. It's just... really fucked that people would police their grief. I'm not saying they should reminisce about Mark, I think that should be kept private because the situation is what it is. But there's a real double standard to how they're then expected to make their Cory and Naya feelings public. Available for public consumption.

It's like you say: mourn Cory, treat Mark like a taboo, and then mourn Naya again. That's what they were "expected" to do but they're just human beings processing loss and the public making that so much harder for them. And for what? Because our culture makes a spectacle out of everything, including private lives and grief. You're right, it's that entitlement from people. I was originally going to say more but really it's just a reflection on what you already said. I think you're right and thanks for sharing.

[feywildfox]

Mm i left bandom space a long long time ago. I mean I'm not that old but ten years ago is still pretty long. And frankly if i overstep lemme know.

Honestly at this point i shouldnt be surprised so many people are actually still inherently racist towards Ray, but also i think, i should be. Because i genuinely expected better from mcr bandom, but again, left bandom spaces a decade ago...

It's pretty sad? Like. I'll admit, I didn't realize Ray was actually a man of colour when i was younger. I think i realized right around the time i left at 15 or so. Which also really goes to show that racism towards him and making him seem as white as possible which definitely i think was a thing. Like in comparison, I knew pete wentz was mixed long before i figured out Ray was a poc. It says a lot about the space at the time and i had honestly thought it'd be better now.

I've loved mcr for years, but i havent been IN love with them for a while. It happens, relationships and feeling wax and wane. But this tour, the excitement and love recently ignited in not just Gerard with all their gender fuckery, but the whole band, has brought a love and joy back into my life for music that hit me in the heart as a preteen and teenager.

And none of that would be possible without Ray Toro putting his all into the feelings and conveying of in his music. Mikey made the band, but ray MAKES the band. He is absolutely fucking integral and it is disgusting & disheartening to see him treated such a way. What the fuck even, hearing that streamers are zooming in on frank during Rays solos?? Like do the fuck better? I'm honestly disappointed as fuck in that shit. Like I know this whole thing is a little disjointed stream of consciousness type post but really. White people do better challenge! Its literally SO fucking easy. The real camera guys are RIGHT THERE showing what to fucking do!

You can love the others as much as you want but jesus fuck give Ray the same fucking courtesy. Stop ignoring your racism, start recognizing the issues that plague you from being white and growing up in white privilege. I sure as fuck still have plenty of shit to work on but at least i can say i can do the bare fucking MINIMUM of giving Ray Toro the respect and attention he absolutely fucking deserves.

Like I do hope this is understood I am not trying to speak over anyone but simply say from one white to another: you need to do better. If that's how you treat a member of supposedly one of your fav bands, i genuinely fear for the poc you encounter in your life. The harm you cause by staying blind may be incremental but it builds up until it's a mountain. Do fucking better.

[jmbringitonworld]

Good Girl Needs Kiss (3)

AO3 link for those who prefer to read fics there.

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2

This chapter took longer than it should've, but some of the responses to the last chapter, particularly regarding me saying that there would be some minor Frans in the fic, were incredibly disheartening. And off-putting, honestly. I completely lost all interest in this fic for a few days, until I had a few really nice chats with the one who inspired this fic in the first place. Her encouragement really helped return my motivation for writing this last chapter out. So I'm very grateful to her. Thank you so much to @a-snowpoff for lifting my spirits enough for this final chapter to come out as soon as it did.

But seriously, guys. Literally every single one of my other works has Frans as a main pairing, and I specifically mention it on my blog page, so no one should be surprised about my shipping preferences. And when I said that these elements would be minor, I meant it. I've been very careful (not that I should be, frankly) to make sure that Sans and Frisk's (who is an ADULT!) relationship is left ambiguous. If you want to interpret their interactions as purely platonic, then that's perfectly fine. They can be nothing more than close friends, if you want them to be. My Frisk is naturally flirty (but playfully so, she's not actually serious), and has taken every opportunity to flirt during her journey in the Underground (yes, even with Toriel; no, she didn't call her "mom", that would've been weird, even for Frisk).

For those of you who're still here, I hope this final chapter is to your liking. I put a lot of work into it, as I do with all of my works, and I hope it shows.

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Chapter 3 : No More Secrets

The first thing I noticed upon entering Frisk’s home were the flowerpots, seemingly filled with nothing but dirt. They were everywhere , with at least one placed on every available surface. It quickly became apparent what they were for, however, as Flowey stretched his vine-like stems out towards a nearby pot, resting on top of a high shelf, and sunk his roots into the soil, sliding off of Frisk’s arm in the same instant. The ambassador bent down, allowing me to hop out of her arms, before standing back up to address her flower friend and housemate.

“I’ll go put away the fish stuff we bought, and then I’ll order us some pizza. Are there any toppings in particular you fancy, hun?”

Flowey tapped a leaf to his ‘chin’ in thought.

“Hmm... Maybe something with mushrooms? And make sure they add extra cheese this time!”

Frisk giggled, giving him a wink as she stepped into the next room.

“Okay, bud , will do.”

Flowey shot her departing back a disgusted look.

“Wish she’d stop hanging out with that smiley trashbag. I keep telling her he’s nothing but garbage , but she refuses to listen to me. Urgh...” he grumbled to himself, folding one leaf over another as if crossing his ‘arms’. Unlike when talking to Papyrus, Flowey’s voice was filled with genuine disdain, bordering on hatred, for this other person.

I tilted my head up at him. Was he... talking about Sans ? It seemed strange to me, since Sans struck me as an easy-going joker, laidback and fun-loving. I couldn’t imagine him doing anything to make someone hate him the way Flowey clearly did. Huh ... I frowned to myself in thought. I wonder what happened between them, for Flowey to dislike him so much .

Flowey noticed my attention on him and sneered at me.

“Don’t even think about peeing on me, runt. I’m not some simple weed, and if you try anything...” his face morphed into a truly devilish expression, his voice growing oddly distorted, “I’ll show you what I can really do.”

His evil smile held the promise of pain, and something told me that it was no empty threat. Despite looking like nothing more than a common, golden flower, albeit one with a face, I could sense that Flowey was more than capable of backing up his words. I (wisely, I’d say) turned away and decided to ignore him, in favour of exploring the rest of the room. His gaze followed me the entire time.

The sweet scent of flowers filled the room, not surprising considering who lived here, but they weren’t all from Flowey, so I guessed that there must be other flowers around, perhaps in the garden I’d caught a glimpse of when I arrived? I could also detect a hint of cinnamon and butterscotch lingering in the air. Mmmm, yummy ... I really hoped that I would get to have a taste of whatever was making that smell.

The room, which I assumed to be the living room, was warm and cosy, furnished with a plush couch, a few comfy-looking armchairs, a glass coffee table, and a large television.  A massive fish tank lit up most of one wall, filled with all manner of colourful fish. The only objects of real interest to me, however, were the numerous picture frames decorating the walls, and lining the shelves alongside the flowerpots. Intensely curious to know more about Frisk, both because of her achievements, and because of her friendship with Papyrus, I carefully took in each and every photo.

The vast majority of them featured Frisk (and a very clearly reluctant Flowey) with various monsters, most notably to me, Sans and Papyrus. The three of them were often pictured together, and were obviously very close. I also recognised the king and queen of the monsters, Asgore and Toriel, who both seemed to regard the human woman with a great deal of warmth and affection. I’d heard about the monster rulers being incredibly friendly, and clearly that extended to their ambassador as well. Two other monsters who appeared frequently were a tall, fierce-looking fish monster, and a plump, timid-looking lizard monster. The fish monster was also often photographed with Papyrus, the both of them seeming to get on well, so I assumed that they must be good friends.

I felt my heart grow warm as I gazed at Papyrus’s bright smile in so many of these photos. He looked so happy, surrounded by his friends. I’m glad he has so many people who care about him . He was such an out-going, gregarious guy, I couldn’t imagine him being on his own. The very thought made my heart hurt. Thankfully, he was clearly quite popular. As he should be , I nodded to myself.

Curiously, there was another human who appeared in several of the photos, though usually only with Frisk and Flowey. I couldn’t help but notice the striking resemblance this other human bore to Frisk, both in terms of physical appearance, including fashion choices funnily enough, and in their expressions. They must have been related, perhaps even siblings, given their obvious closeness. I wondered if I’d get to meet them some day.

“That’s my little brother, Kris,” a soft voice suddenly spoke up from above me, and I yelped in surprise. Frisk smiled apologetically down at me. “Sorry, baby floof, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

She then bent down and stroked my back, coaxing my fur to settle back down. I could hear Flowey snicker from somewhere above me, but I resolutely ignored him, choosing to instead focus on the pleasant pampering being bestowed on me, by gentle hands. Frisk’s warm, soft flesh made an interesting contrast to Papyrus’s not-exactly-cold, not-exactly-hard bones, though I found both to be enjoyable. Frisk’s stroking soon evolved into massages, as she rubbed soothing circles along my head, and around my face and ears. I felt too blissful to even wag my tail properly, and just laid out across the floor, my legs stretched out, as I languidly basked in the comfort. I could hear Frisk cooing at me in a baby voice, but her words were lost on me, as I floated on cloud nine.

My impromptu pampering session eventually came to an end when the doorbell rang. Frisk leapt up and rushed to the door, returning swiftly, holding a large pizza box in her hands. I still felt fuzzy from the massage, but the enticing scent of hot pizza kicked the dog portion of my brain into gear, and my tiny paws automatically brought me towards the tantalising food. Frisk laid a plate with a pizza slice on it, down on the ground in front of me, and I eagerly dove in. Ooh, extra cheese! Yay! Flowey must be happy!

Once lunch had been devoured, and the plates and pizza box cleared away, Frisk brought me out into her garden, which was as much of a flower paradise as I had expected it to be. Flowey followed us, moving from flowerpot to flowerpot, before finally sinking into the soft earth outside. I took a moment to breathe in the fresh air, and feel the sun on my fur. It truly was a beautiful day outside. Birds were singing, flowers were blooming. On days like these, dogs like me should be smelling the roses , I thought to myself, as I trotted over to the nearest flower and stuck my nose in amongst its petals, inhaling deeply. And promptly sneezed, as the pollen flew into my nostrils. Oof... bad idea ...

Flowey cackled at my misfortune, the evil plant, but Frisk was a lot more sympathetic, using a tissue to wipe away the remaining traces of pollen from my poor nose. I gave her a miserable look, and she bent down to give me a soft kiss to the top of my head. It sadly didn’t break my spell, but it did let me know that I had a friend in her, which was just as good, honestly. I’d made two friends in two days! And all it’d taken was messing up a spell so badly, it’d left me stuck as a rat-dog! I was the greatest witch ever!

Seeing that I was once again in high spirits, Frisk decided that it was playtime, as she took out a familiar object. That’s the Cool Flame Ball Papyrus got for me! I barked excitedly. With a practised motion, Frisk tossed the ball into the distance, and some canine instinct immediately took over, compelling me to run after it. The ball flew through the air for a bit, before it fell to the ground and bounced a few times, until I eventually managed to grab it in my jaws. Pride swelled within my chest, as I strutted back to Frisk with my prize, my head held high.

When I dropped my ball in front of her, Frisk showered me in praise, crouching down to pet my head. I wagged my tail proudly, feeling like a very good dog indeed. Hey, wait a minute! I froze, my eyes wide in realisation. I’m not a DOG! I’m a human! I’ve gotta snap out of it and stop - The ball flew through the air again and my legs were moving before I knew what was happening.

At some point during this mortifying game of fetch, Frisk had passed my ball to Flowey and somehow managed to convince him to play, though not without a lot of exaggerated complaining on the flower’s part. His aim was a little off, and he’d sometimes put too much, or too little force into the throw, but my bloody dog brain couldn’t care less, and I was having the time of my life, whether I wanted to or not (and I definitely did not !). A smile eventually crept onto Flowey’s face, and Frisk couldn’t help pointing it out, her own, knowing grin on her face.

“I see someone’s enjoying himself,” she giggled, tone gently teasing. “I told you you’d have fun.”

Flowey blushed, waving his leaves wildly in the air and spluttering his denial.

“I-I’m not having fun!” he insisted stubbornly, frowning at his human friend. “This isn’t fun ! I-It’s just a silly game, that only complete idiots would enjoy! How could I ever have fun throwing a stupid ball for some dumb mutt to catch?! The only one who’s having any fun is that brainless loser of a dog!”

What the fuck?! Not only do you insult me , but you also insult my Cool Flame Ball?! I growled at him, my earlier caution melting away into righteous fury and indignation. That’s it, you little shit! Feel my wrath! Doggy Drool Attack!! I then launched myself at Flowey and started vigorously licking him all over, putting my entire heart and soul into the task of completely covering every single inch of him in as much dog slobber as I could produce (which, to my great delight, was far more than I thought my tiny dog tongue was capable of; I swear Midnight’s tongue was not that wet!).

Flowey screeched in disgust, spitting and sputtering, and shaking violently under the deluge of dog saliva. Ha! Serves you right for being such an asshole! My tail was a blur, as it wagged for all of the satisfaction I was feeling. I was a little surprised that Flowey didn’t try to attack me, despite the long tendrils of thorny vines erupting from the ground around us, quivering ominously in the air. Maybe it was because I was “Papyrus’s dog”, or maybe it was because of Frisk’s presence, but regardless of the reason, it seemed like the sentient flower wasn’t as willing to hurt me as he pretended. That didn’t mean I was about to show him any mercy, though. No one disrespected my Cool Flame Ball and got away with it.

Frisk was on the ground, clutching her stomach, with tears glistening at the corners of her eyes, as her laughter rang through the air like the tinkling of bells. Suddenly, a much deeper baritone joined in on her laughter. I paused my assault to look up at the unexpected newcomer. Sans was leaning against the back door to the garden, hunched over as he chuckled, loud and unrestrained. Frisk’s eyes lit up, a bright smile gracing her face, as she stood up and went to go greet her guest.

“Sansy! What a pleasant surprise! We weren’t expecting you today.”

She wrapped her arms around his stocky form, and Sans returned her hug, smiling widely at her, his eyelights brightening.

“pap told me he’d left his new dog with you, so me, bein’ the good big brother that i am, i volunteered to fetch the lil’ pooch for him. saves him havin’ to make the trip. you know what a busy monster he is, and what a stand-up guy i am.”

He winked at her, and Frisk smiled warmly back at him. I blinked. Wait, you mean SANS is the older brother? Really!?

“Well, aren’t you just the sweetest, Sugar Skull,” Frisk leaned towards Sans, her smile turning flirty, and the skeleton monster bashfully averted his eyelights, a noticeable blush tinting his cheekbones. Beside me, Flowey scoffed in disgust, as he vainly tried to shake the dog spit off his leaves and petals.

“Urgh... Just great. The last thing I needed to make this day even worse, was to see you , Smiley Trashbag,” Flowey glared at him, genuine animosity in his tone. Sans returned his glare, his expression colder than I thought him capable of. It made my fur stand on end.

“hello to you too, weed,” his voice was equally frosty, clear hostility in the sharpness of his gaze and his tight grin.

“Hmph,” Flowey turned away from Sans, and towards his human friend. “Frisk, I’m leaving. I need a bath, because of this stupid mutt. Both of these idiots better be gone by the time I’m done.”

And without waiting for a reply, he sunk into the ground, disappearing completely into the earth. With him gone, the tension in the air evaporated. I sighed with relief, glad that nothing serious had happened. I don’t know what I’d have done if they’d started fighting.

Frisk let out a soft sigh, frowning at Sans in disapproval.

“I wish you two would make some effort to get along,” she crossed her arms, her tone exasperated. “He’s my friend, as well as Pap’s. It’d mean so much to us if you two could be friends. Or at least, not enemies.”

But Sans shrugged unabashedly at her scolding.

“not happening, frisk,” his tone was firm, completely unwilling to yield to Frisk’s plea. “i may not remember what the weed did, exactly, but i can guess. i’m a pretty good judge of character, after all.”

Frisk gave him a helpless smile, lightly shaking her head in resignation.

“I know, Sans. You’re no fool, no matter what anyone says.”

Sans’s expression softened, and he shoved his hands into his pockets, looking fully at ease once more. I stared curiously at the two of them, wondering what deeper meaning hid behind their words. I was clearly missing something here, some important context, but had no idea what it could be.

Clearing his non-existent throat, Sans gazed very deliberately at the vibrant flowers blooming across the garden.

“beautiful place ya got here. i can tell you worked really hard, takin’ care of these flowers,” he remarked with forced casualness. Frisk smiled happily at his compliment.

“Thanks! You’re right, it was a lot of work, but the results are more than worth all that effort,” she looked out at her garden, looking proud and satisfied. “Though I couldn’t have done it without Gorey. His tips and advice were so helpful! The guy really is an expert when it comes to flowers.”

“yep, old king fluffybuns has goat quite the green thumb,” he joked, and his smile widened at Frisk’s responding giggle.

Once her laughter had subsided though, Frisk stared at Sans for a bit, seeming to mull something over in her mind, before she bit her lip, looking uncharacteristically hesitant.

“Sans... tell me honestly... how are you doing? Are the nightmares still troubling you?” she asked him softly, concern lacing her voice.

Nightmares? My ears perked up in interest. Does Sans suffer from nightmares? Poor guy ... My heart clenched in sympathy. Sans let out a deep sigh, and plopped himself down on the ground, leaning back on outstretched arms. Frisk joined him on the floor, sitting close to him, as she gazed at him worriedly.

“they’re... not as bad as they used to be. it’s getting a lot easier to sleep through the night,” Sans confessed, his voice low and serious, his smile flatter than I thought it could get. “i’m sure they’ll go away for good, once i finally manage to fix the machine. just wish it weren’t takin’ so long. after all these years, i’ve still barely made any progress.”

He sounded incredibly frustrated, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists into the soft earth beneath his phalanges. Frisk scooted closer to him, laying a comforting hand on his shoulder. My eyes were fixed on them, as I listened intently to their discussion. What machine is he talking about?

“Isn’t it about time you asked someone for help?” Frisk pleaded gently, her brow furrowed. “Alphys is the current royal scientist, after all, and she knows a great deal about machines. And Papyrus is far from stupid, you know that, and this concerns him too, I’m sure-”

“ no ,” Sans’s rebuff was firm, as he shook his skull, his expression hard and unyielding as stone. I narrowed my eyes. This concerns Papyrus? Does he know? “this is my problem to fix, and mine alone. i won’t involve anyone else. especially not papyrus. his life is finally going great. i refuse to ruin that for him, and burden him with my problems.”

Frisk’s lips thinned as she frowned at him, disapproval shining in her eyes. She clearly wanted to argue with him, but she seemingly chose to hold her tongue on the matter, as she eventually looked away and sighed in resignation. I was less willing to let it go, however, not if this concerned Papyrus. Sans was clearly hiding something from his brother, and I was determined to find out what.

Not wanting them to spot me eavesdropping, regardless of the fact that I was currently a dog, and thus would likely be above suspicion, I snuck into a nearby patch of golden flowers, as stealthily as possible. For the very first time since this entire ordeal began, I was grateful to be a chihuahua, as my diminutive size allowed me to easily hide amongst the taller flowers. I felt pretty confident that the other two wouldn’t be able to see me here. Unfortunately, I was so small that I couldn’t see them , either. At least I could still hear them just fine.

“you sure no one will be able to stumble upon the machine by accident?” Sans’s deep voice drifted into my ears, and Frisk’s reply came a moment later.

“Positive. The basement door stays locked at all times, and you have the only key. No one can go in there except you, not even me, or Flowey. Not that he wants to go down there, anyway. He wants nothing to do with that machine.”

“good. i don’t want anyone messin’ with dad’s machine, ‘specially not the weed.”

My eyes widened. Their “dad’s machine”? This involved Sans and Papyrus’s father ? How could Sans keep something like this from his brother?! My ears were fully alert, standing up straight and facing towards the two voices, as I tried to focus all of my attention on their enlightening conversation. Just then, a small, white butterfly drifted into view. Against my will, my eyes were instantly glued to the fluttering creature.

Many cultures associated butterflies with the souls of the deceased, so I always made sure to be extra respectful to any who crossed my path. Which was why, no matter how much the dog in me wanted to chase after those rapidly beating wings, I forced myself to stay still. It took every ounce of my willpower, but I refused to budge. The white butterfly flew to one of the flowers, and landed on a bright, golden petal. I heard Frisk sigh.

“It’s over, Sans. For good this time. I’m sure of it. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. You don’t have to hide anymore. You don’t have to be alone anymore. What good is a happy ending, if you’re too stuck in the past to enjoy it? It’s okay to have hopes and dreams again. No one will take those away from you. I won’t let them. I promise. And I don’t make promises lightly, either.”

There was a long pause. I really wished I could tell what expression Sans was making. The white butterfly took to the air again, fluttering around for a bit, before landing on a different golden flower. I heard movement from the other two, the rustling of clothing. And then, faintly, I heard a voice, Sans’s, though I couldn’t make out what he was saying, muffled as it was. Frisk’s voice was much clearer, filled with determination and conviction.

“Whoever or whatever force had control of the timeline before... they’re gone . I can feel it. The power to Reset everything, all that we’ve done, all that we’ve achieved... it’s mine now. And you know that I’d never use it. I promise . So you don’t have to worry anymore, Sans. Trust me. It’s over . The anomalies are gone, and everybody is happy. And I’ll make sure we all stay that way. Please, believe me... We’re free .”

“heh... i know... i know... i... i trust you, frisk... more than anyone,” Sans’s voice sounded a little wobbly, and thick with emotion. Another rustle of clothing. “... i dunno what i’d do without ya, frisk. you’re the only person i can really talk to, the only one who knows about... everything . all that time, underground, i had to keep it all to myself, all this terrible knowledge. it was unbearable , frisk. and even here on the surface, i just can’t -...” A deep sigh. More movement. “some days i feel like you’re the only thing keepin’ me sane...”

And then silence. The white butterfly took off, flying higher and higher, until it eventually vanished into the sky. I stayed still, rooted to the spot. My mind was whirring, a maelstrom of chaotic thoughts, as I tried to process everything I’d just heard. So much of it made no sense to me. I didn’t know what to think, honestly, it was all a little too much for me right then. I’d need some time to go over everything, and figure out what I was going to do about this. And I was going to do something. I refused to let this matter lie. Papyrus deserved better.

After a while, Frisk eventually spoke up, her voice reassuring and compassionate.

“You know that I’m always here for you, whenever you need me. You’re not alone, Sans. Remember that.”

“heh, i will. you’ve always been with me, even in the dark. like a light, shining in my soul. i won’t forget, frisk. i promise .”

There was an odd weight to his words, yet another hidden meaning which was lost on me. I heard more movement.

“welp, this’s been fun, but i’d better get goin’ now. pap’s waiting for us at home, anxious for his new pal to help him prepare dinner, and i don’t wanna let him down. stars know i do enough of that as it is.”

“Sans! Stop talking like that! You don’t let him down, he’s just worried about you! And for good reason, honestly. I worry about you, too.”

“i know, i know. i’m sorry, frisky. i really am. i’m gettin’ better, though. i’m really trying nowadays. and it’s all thanks to you. i owe you... so much ... too much, honestly. i dunno how i’ll ever be able to repay you for everything you’ve done.”

“Oh, I’m sure I can think of a few ways,” a giggle, flirtatious and full of innuendo. I heard Sans let out a nervous laugh. Frisk continued, voice light and airy. “Now off with you, before Papy starts calling me, asking me where you two are, and I tell him all about the unspeakable things you and I get up to when he’s not around.”

“please don’t put any weird ideas into my bro’s skull. i’m the one who lives with him, ya know,” Sans sound mildly exasperated, though I could detect a hint of amusement in his tone. Then his voice raised, as he called out, “c’mere, girl! time to go!”

With a jolt, I realised he was calling for me. I dashed out of the flower patch and towards his voice. He and Frisk were standing up, looking around, presumably for me. When Sans spotted me, he sagged a little in relief.

“there you are, buddy. i was worried i mighta lost ya. pap would never have forgiven me if i didn’t bring you home, safe and sound.”

He bent down to scoop me up into his arms, and I yipped at him in reassurance that I was fine. Frisk smiled warmly at the both of us.

“Before you go, could you wait here a second? I have a little something for you to take home.”

Without waiting for a reply, she ran off, back into her house, returning shortly with a large pie in her hands. It smelled heavenly, my tail wagging and my mouth watering, as the sweet scent of butterscotch and cinnamon wafted into my nose.

“I baked this earlier, hoping to give it to you at some point, so now’s the perfect time,” she offered it out to Sans, who shifted me to one arm, while the other took the butterscotch-cinnamon pie. “I’m quite proud of how this one turned out, if I do say so myself. Tori really is an excellent teacher.”

Sans gave her an appreciative smile.

“nah, you’re the one who’s a good student. you’ve always been a fast learner, heh.”

Frisk shook her head in denial, looking sheepish.

“Oh no, I’m really not. I just had a lot of practice.”

Sans winced, for some reason.

“uh... sorry, frisk. which i’d been more help to you, back then. i really should’ve been a better friend to you.”

Sans sounded genuinely apologetic, but Frisk merely rolled her eyes, a fond smile on her face.

“You were a great friend, Sans, and the emotional support you gave me meant more to me than I can say. Even if you did blow it in the restaurant, and in the Last Corridor.”

She stuck her tongue out at him cheekily, and Sans looked embarrassed, at a loss for what to say to that.

“eh heh heh... ahem . welp, we’re off! it was nice seein’ ya, frisky. bye!” he said hastily, before backing away.

As Frisk waved us off with a radiant smile, I noticed a butterfly with deep, crimson wings land on her shoulder, just as the entire world blinked out of existence. A moment later, it came back, but Sans and I were no longer in Frisk’s garden, but were instead standing in the middle of his living room. I knew he could teleport! I was fairly buzzing with excitement at this discovery, and Sans quickly let me down.

Just then, Papyrus poked his skull into the room, probably alerted by my high-pitched barking. His face lit up once he saw us, and with an exclamation of delight, he rushed towards us, arms outstretched for me to jump into, which I wasted no time in doing. Those familiar arms wrapped around me, along with his comforting scent, and I felt at home.

“YOU’RE FINALLY BACK!! I MISSED YOU!! SO MUCH!!”

I snuggled closer to him, woofing contentedly, feeling at peace. Papyrus let out a pleased “NYEH HEH HEH”, before turning to Sans with a deep frown.

“SANS! WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?! YOU LEFT AGES AGO!!”

Sans looked entirely unapologetic as he smiled, and I sensed a bad pun coming.

“heh, sorry bro. frisk really wanted to ketchup with me,” he held up a bottle of ketchup, grin wide and mischievous, his eyelights brightening in gleeful anticipation of his brother’s reaction. And Papyrus did not disappoint him.

“NYEEEEH!!! SANS!!!”

Deep, rumbling laughter filled the room, while Papyrus fumed, the arms holding me trembling slightly, though not enough to make me feel uncomfortable. Papyrus eventually calmed down, and turned away from his brother with a huff.

“HMPH!! I’M OFF TO PREPARE DINNER NOW! WITHOUT YOU! AND YOUR TERRIBLE PUNS!!” he then glanced down at me, his expression brightening considerably. “AT LEAST YOU’RE HERE, LITTLE LADY. I’M GLAD I HAVE SUCH A GREAT HELPER WITH ME!”

I am the best helper! I agreed. Papyrus had been nothing but kind to me since the moment we met, helping me when I was at my very lowest, and I wanted to do all I could to repay his kindness, and help him in return. And I knew exactly how I would help him.

Today had been full of surprising revelations, and I’d learnt that, for all that Papyrus was the brightest ray of sunshine imaginable, he was being kept in the dark about a lot of things. His own brother was keeping secrets from him; deep, dark secrets which clearly tormented him, but which he refused to share with anyone save Frisk, despite some of them concerning his own family, namely their father (whom I’d yet to see, or even hear about).

As a witch, I knew very well the necessity of keeping some things secret, but not from one’s own family! All young witches learned their family’s craft at their mother’s knee, and I was the same. My mother had taught me everything I knew about magic, until it was time for me to set out into the world, and seek out knowledge on my own. I couldn’t imagine keeping any secrets from her, and I had complete faith that she would share with me all that she knew, when I was ready. We would never hide anything from each other. Surely all families were the same, right? I’d always thought so, at least...

Beyond that, it also greatly troubled me that I, too, was hiding something important from Papyrus, namely the fact that I wasn’t, in fact, a dog, but a human, and a witch to boot. But no matter how much I wanted to reveal this to him, I wasn’t sure how. I couldn’t talk to him in a language he could understand, and I lacked the opposable thumbs required to write out the truth. I genuinely had no clue how I could convey to him my real form. All I could do, was to break my spell as quickly as possible, and tell him everything once I was human again. Hopefully, he would understand and forgive me. Until then, I’d just have to be the very best friend I could be to him.

Also, I was pretty sure his dog was actually some manner of eldritch abomination. I had no idea why it had crossed into our world, nor why it chose to take the form of a small dog, but I assumed that, like most cosmic entities, it was out of simple curiosity. Extramundane beings tended to get bored very easily, and sought out entertainment in some pretty bizarre places, after all. This one seemed harmless enough, and Papyrus was clearly attached to it, despite how annoying it was, so I thought it best to leave things as they were, and not interfere unless necessary. It would probably be fine.

But as for the rest, I vowed that once I was human again, I would make it up to Papyrus for deceiving him like I was, despite having no other alternative. And I would find a way to convince Sans to tell his brother all of the truths that he’d been hiding for so long. Even if that meant resorting to witchcraft. No matter what it took, I would make sure that there were no more secrets.

~~~

They say that time flies when you’re having fun, and I must have been having an incredible amount of it, given how quickly the following days passed by. I wasn’t sure how long I spent, exactly, as a dog, living with the skeleton brothers, but it felt like a lifetime. Every day was an adventure, and there was never a dull moment with those two, and all of their friends. And, speaking of, I soon got to meet all of them. And what an interesting bunch they were.

Frisk came by to hang out several times (and she even brought back my Cool Flame Ball, which I’d forgotten that first time! What an angel!), and had cemented her position as a true friend, one whom I was very grateful to have in my life. She really was a good person, who deserved nothing but good things. Flowey less so. I could’ve done without him joining Frisk everywhere she went, but the woman was adamant on not leaving Flowey alone, all by himself. In my opinion, he didn’t seem like the type to get lonely, but I guess appearances can be deceiving. Regardless, any friend of Papyrus and Frisk’s was a friend of mine. Even if Flowey was creepy at times.

One of Papyrus’s best friends, Undyne, was another frequent visitor, with her girlfriend, Alphys, tagging along with her on occasion. I was wary of the former, given how she’d tried to suplex me upon our first meeting, though, thankfully, Papyrus had intervened and rugby tackled her to the floor before I could get hurt. She’d retaliated by raining spears down upon him, all of which he’d managed to dodge or deflect with his own bone attacks. To say I was impressed would be an understatement. From then on, I made sure to keep a safe distance from the scary fish monster at all times. Her girlfriend was much safer to be around, and Alphys had also introduced me to the wonders of anime! Papyrus didn’t seem too fond of them, much as he tried to fake interest in the subject, but I was utterly entranced by the amazing imagination and imagery on display. Many shows felt out of this world and more into, well, mine . It made me a little homesick at times, honestly.

King Asgore and Queen Toriel were as friendly and welcoming as I’d heard, although the queen could be quite intimidating at times. She had the kind of glare that would make even unruly little children sit quietly and obey, which was perfect for a teacher. By contrast, Asgore Dreemurr was never without a jovial smile, and was always ready with an offer of tea. His golden flower tea had instantly become my new favourite drink, and I couldn’t wait to start growing some golden flowers in my garden, to brew the tea for myself, whenever I had to spend long hours concocting complex elixirs, or poring over ancient, musty tomes. One thing I'd noticed, was how nurturing and protective the two boss monsters were towards children. It made me wonder why the two of them never had any kids of their own. They seemed like they would make good parents, but I guess they thought differently.

Papyrus had snuck me into his workplace one time, when nobody else had been able to look after me. He’d introduced me to his fellow chefs, who’d all chipped in to keep me hidden from their boss. I had a sneaking suspicion that the head chef was fully aware of what was going on, the whole time, but chose to turn a blind eye to my presence, probably out of fondness for Papyrus, given how popular he was amongst all of his coworkers. Everyone kept sneaking me scraps from all of their dishes, whenever they thought no one was looking, and by the end of Papyrus’s shift, I was full to bursting from all of the scrumptious food I’d been given. That was a good day.

Moreover, from what I gathered from passing conversations, and a few comments here and there, it seemed like Papyrus hadn’t always been the culinary expert he was today. Quite the opposite, in fact (which had apparently been as much of a shock to Papyrus to learn, as it was to me). But the head chef had been so impressed by his enthusiasm and dedication, that he’d hired Papyrus as a simple kitchen porter, thus allowing him to learn the ropes from the other chefs, and Papyrus had worked exceptionally hard, quickly proving himself and rising through the ranks, eventually becoming the restaurant’s sous chef, and second-in-command in the kitchen. Papyrus never ceased to amaze and inspire me. It made me more determined than ever to hone my own skills and master my magic, and one day become the kind of talented witch I’d always dreamed of being.

And then of course, there was Sans. Despite living with the guy, he still remained mostly a mystery to me. One moment he seemed, for all the world, like little more than a prankster and comedian, with his clever wit and his fondness for bad jokes and worse puns, and even a dog like me hadn’t been safe from the dreaded whoopee cushion prank. But then another, he’d be empty eye sockets, and emptier smiles, too little said in too many words, and I’d realise that I really knew very little about him. Did anyone know the real him? Did Papyrus? Did Frisk?...

But no matter how much I’d come to care for and appreciate all of these wonderful new friends I’d made, no one could hold a candle to Papyrus.

~~~

The Great Papyrus had come into my life at one of its lowest points, when I was at my most desperate, and had given me hope and friendship and spaghetti. He’d been my hero when I’d needed one the most, and I would forever be grateful to him for all that he’d done for me. I’d never met anyone as kind or as brave as him, and I doubted I ever would. He was special, one-of-a-kind, and truly unforgettable. With bright smiles, encouraging words, gentle hands, and warm hugs, his presence had steadily grown in my heart, until he’d taken over completely and claimed it as his own.

And as I lay on his sternum, the both of us relaxing on his bed, while his skeletal hands trailed over my head and down my back, I thought to myself that I really loved this man. And that thought did not surprise me in the slightest. When had my feelings for him grown this strong? When did I realise their existence? Was there a point in time, or had they been there since that first, fateful meeting? Had I always known? I had no answers. All I knew was that I loved Papyrus, with all my heart and soul.

And so, with that knowledge in mind, I leaned forward, towards that brilliant smile I loved so much, and pressed my soft, fluffy lips to his left zygomatic bone. I had just enough time to feel cool, hard bone beneath my lips, before-

* poof *

I was engulfed in smoke. Once my vision cleared, I felt... different. I saw out of the corner of my eyes, human hands. Very familiar human hands. Those are MY hands! I realised with a start. And those are my arms! I noticed, looking further down. I brought my hands up to feel my face. Soft, smooth skin over warm flesh greeted my searching fingers.

I was human again.

A strangled noise from in front of me caught my attention, and I looked up. Papyrus’s shocked face was staring at me, his eyes seeming to bulge out of his sockets. Oh, right. Shit.

“Uh... I can explain...?” my voice came out hesitantly, and my heart skipped a beat as I heard my own voice again, for the first time in what felt like forever .

Papyrus stared at me, stunned, for a few more, tense seconds, before his gaze drifted lower. His eye sockets widened even further (which I honestly hadn’t thought was possible), and colour bloomed all across his skull. With a strangled yelp, he turned his skull away from me, removing his hands from my back to cover his eye sockets.

“W-WOWIE...” his normally loud voice was barely above a whisper.

Huh? I looked down. Oh. Oh fuck .

Given how long it’d been since I’d botched my spell, I’d completely forgotten that my clothes hadn’t transformed along with my body. I was currently laying on top of Papyrus, stark naked, and I’d just given the man I loved an eyeful of my very bare tits. Fuck.

With a scream, I drew back, and away from Papyrus, towards the edge of his bed, as I hastily covered my breasts with my arms, bringing my knees up to hide my nether region as best as I could. I was beyond mortified. I’d had more than my fair share of embarrassing moments throughout my life, given how often I’d screwed up a spell, but this... this topped them all. Easily. This was the worst moment of my entire life.

My vision began to swim, as tears gathered in my eyes. I squeezed them shut, wishing to block out the world, wishing desperately that none of this was real, that it would all fade away when I opened my eyes again. I felt a tear start to fall down my face, when a familiar phalange wiped it away. A bony hand cradled my cheek.

“PLEASE... DON’T CRY... WHATEVER IS MAKING YOU SAD... WOULD YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT? SO THAT I CAN TELL IT TO STOP MAKING YOU SAD?”

I opened my eyes, and was greeted by Papyrus’s concerned expression. I sniffed, and clumsily wiped my teary eyes with my shoulder, taking care to keep my chest covered. With halting words, I finally told Papyrus the truth of my situation, which I’d been longing to reveal to him all this time. Throughout my explanation, Papyrus didn’t interrupt me once, except to make sympathetic or surprised noises at several points in my tale. When I was done, I gave him a pleading look.

“Papyrus, I know that this all sounds crazy, and you probably don’t believe me-”

“OF COURSE I BELIEVE YOU!!” he interrupted me, and I sucked in a surprised breath. He gave me a wide, toothy smile, with not even a hint of doubt in his gaze. “WHY SHOULD I NOT? YOU ARE MY FRIEND! WHETHER YOU’RE A DOG, OR A HUMAN, YOU ARE STILL YOU! AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY VERY GOOD FRIEND! AND A VERY GREAT PERSON!! NYEH HEH HEH!!”

I beamed at him, feeling my eyes tear up again, though for a completely different reason this time. Papyrus then looked directly into my eyes, looking faintly bashful, for some reason. He was blushing again, though nowhere near as brightly as before.

“BESIDES... YOU HAVE THE SAME BEAUTIFUL EYES AS WHEN YOU WERE A DOG.”

Oh. Oh my. My face felt hot, as I looked away, though I couldn’t contain my happy smile. My chest felt warm, my heart beating hard, as my stomach fluttered. A genuine compliment! How was I supposed to react to that?!

“Th-thank you, Pap...” I mumbled. His smile brightened.

I tried to pull myself together enough to have a proper conversation with him, something I’d been dying to do since we’d met. I was finally human again and could actually talk to him! I couldn’t mess this up, just because of a little (well, okay, a lot of) embarrassment!

“I’ve been wanting to meet you properly this whole time, actually. There’s so much I want to tell you! So much I want to do with you! Oh, I can hardly wait! I, uh... just need to find some clothes, first...” I trailed off, feeling shy once more.

“OH! RIGHT! CLOTHES!” Papyrus exclaimed, as if he’d forgotten that I was completely naked. I wasn’t sure how I should feel about that... “PLEASE, FRIEND! TAKE MY SHIRT!! I’LL GET YOU SOMETHING BETTER LATER!”

Before I could protest, he lifted the t-shirt he was currently wearing up, and over his skull, and then handed it out to me. His skull was facing purposely away from me, his other hand covering his eye sockets for good measure. My heart warmed at his consideration. My face burned at the sight of his bare torso, however, his rib cage on full display. I’d never found bones attractive before, but I found his oddly alluring. Must be because they were his body, and everything about him was irresistible to me.

With no small amount of effort, I tore my eyes away from his ribs, and the teasing glimpse of his iliac crest, peaking out of the top of his long shorts. I quickly donned his shirt, feeling much better now that I had some actual clothing on, even if it was just a t-shirt. Since Papyrus was so tall, with such broad shoulders, his shirt fell to the middle of my thighs, covering up all of my private parts, although it was so wide, it left one of my shoulders bare, and dipped dangerously low. I cleared my throat.

“I’m done. You can look now, Pap,” I called to him. He lifted his hand slightly, peaking at me to make sure that I was decent, before fully uncovering his eye sockets and turning to face me properly. I gave him my brightest smile, “And thank you, Papyrus. Not just for the shirt, but for, well, everything . I... I can’t tell you how much it means to me. You really are my hero, you know? You saved me, took me in, cared for me, introduced me to all of your friends and family, did your very best to make sure that I was always happy, and now... You broke my spell. Gave me my true form back. I couldn’t have done it without you. So, thank you .”

Papyrus gave me an oddly intense, thoughtful look.

“I BROKE YOUR SPELL? THE ONE WHICH NEEDED TRUE LOVE’S KISS TO BREAK?? DOES THAT MEAN THAT... I AM YOUR TRUE LOVE?!?”

I sucked in a sharp breath, my heart pounding in my chest, and my face heating up again. I gripped the edges of his shirt tightly.

“W-Well, m-maybe? I-I mean, it was just a hypothesis, really, I wasn’t sure how exactly the spell worked, given how badly I’d messed it up, so who knows what kind of love was required to break it...”

As I babbled to him, Papyrus’s face slowly fell, noticeable disappointment in his expression the more I seemed to refute his last statement. I bit my lip. He was right. He was my true love. And I shouldn’t deny it, not to him. He was always brave, always confident. I wanted to be more like him. Which meant that I needed to put all of my heart and soul into my words, and confess my true feelings to him, regardless of the consequences! I sucked in a deep breath, and steeled my nerves.

“No, you’re right, Papyrus. You are my true love. I’m sure of it. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. I... I love you. Romantically. In case that wasn’t clear.”

I held my breath, as I awaited his response. Papyrus gazed at me with wide eye sockets. Little flecks of light shimmered in their depths, growing brighter and brighter the longer I looked. A blush soon spread across his cheek bones, as his smile widened.

“WOWIE... YOU LOVE ME... YOU HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME...! ROMANTIC FEELINGS! FOR ME!! WOWIE!!!” his voice got louder and more excited as he spoke. He looked downright giddy. Hope blossomed in my chest. “I-I’M STILL NOT EXACTLY SURE WHAT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE, SINCE I’VE ONLY KNOWN YOU AS MY VERY COOL DOG UP TIL NOW... BUT! THE MORE I TALK WITH YOU! AND THE MORE I LOOK INTO YOUR VERY PRETTY EYES! THE MORE MY SOUL FEELS... WARM. YOU MAKE MY SOUL GLOW. IF I SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOU... WILL THOSE FEELINGS GROW?? I WANT TO FIND OUT.”

I gulped, feeling a little light-headed from Papyrus’s own confession. That was... better than I’d dared hope for. It wasn’t a rejection, and he seemed to feel something for me. Something that made his soul glow . And from the spark of white I could faintly see, shining within his rib cage, that wasn’t merely an expression. His soul appeared to be literally glowing. Oh wow. That was... Wow...

Papyrus leaned in towards me. There was something a little... seductive in his expression. Which wasn’t good for my poor heart.

“AND THE BEST WAY TO FIND OUT... IS WITH A KISS... RIGHT?” my heart skipped a beat. Yep, really not good for my heart. “IF I KISS YOU... I’M SURE I’LL FIND OUT JUST HOW... ROMANTIC MY FEELINGS FOR YOU ARE. YOU KISSED ME, AND YOUR SPELL BROKE. SO THAT MEANS THAT I’M YOUR... TRUE LOVE ... IF I KISS YOU, THEN I’LL BE ABLE TO FIND OUT IF YOU’RE MY TRUE LOVE AS WELL. RIGHT? RIGHT! NYEH HEH HEH... I’M A GENIUS.”

I could barely hear him over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. All I could do was nod, my breathing getting heavier. He leaned forward a little more, and I unconsciously leaned back.

“AND BESIDES... YOU ONLY KISSED MY CHEEK BONE! AS A DOG! THAT WASN’T A PROPER KISS! AND YOU DESERVE A PROPER KISS! DON’T YOU? MY GOOD GIRL...”

Ah fuck. I would never be able to resist this guy, would I? His dating power was just too strong for me.

“SO... WILL YOU LET ME KISS YOU? PLEASE??”

I nodded breathlessly, feeling hot all over. But Papyrus waited, not seeming satisfied with just a nod. Did he want to hear me say it? Oh boy... I wet my suddenly dry lips, taking note of how his gaze followed the movement, brightly burning eyelights shooting to my tongue, and then staying fixed on my lips. I gulped.

“O-Okay... Sure. I... I want to k-kiss you, as well. That last one... really didn’t count as a proper kiss. True love’s kiss should be more... well, more . So... please, kiss me properly, Papyrus.”

His gaze grew heated at my whispered words. He looked feverishly into my eyes, desire sparking in his eye sockets, specks of light burning fiercely within their depths, like miniature stars. He leaned further towards me, and I leaned further back in response. Until my back hit the mattress. Papyrus loomed above me, his arms coming up to the sides of my head. I could see his soul glowing brighter, now fully visible as an upside-down white heart, pulsing slightly. His skull came closer and closer, and I closed my eyes, eagerly anticipating my long-awaited kiss.

It was at that moment, that the door swung open and Sans walked in.

“hey bro, you seen my-”

The shorter skeleton came to an abrupt halt, as he took in the scene of a shirtless Papyrus leaning over me, as I’m wearing nothing but his brother’s shirt (and a dog collar, couldn’t forget that ), the both of us laying on his bed. Sans’s eye sockets went black, sweat beading on his brow as a bright blush lit up his entire skull.

“woops, sorry for bargin’ in, i see you’re busy there, don’t mind me.”

He quickly back-pedalled, slamming the door behind him. As my mind descended into chaos, only one coherent thought managed to drift to the surface.

I guess I’ll have to wait a little longer for that kiss.

___________________________________________

This has been one heck of a wild ride. I've had so much fun writing this, and I've grown really attached to all these characters (or rather, my interpretations of them). I might return to this world in the future, and write a bit more about Witch Reader and Paps, but for now, I'm really satisfied with things as they are. Besides, the backlash to my Frans shipping has reignited my passion for Frans, so I want to go back to writing for my OTP for a bit, and bask in the warm fuzzies I get from them. The best way to combat hate is with love! And I have a lot of love in my heart for these two. They make me happy and I deserve to be happy, same as everyone else.

This is the second multi-chaptered fic I've ever completed (the rest are still WIPs atm), so I'm super proud of this achievement. Whatever anyone else thinks about it, I'm happy with it. It turned out way longer than I could ever have anticipated, but that's just how the story went. The scenes ended when they needed to, not when I wanted them to, and that happened to be later than I expected. It really shows how little control I (and most writers, apparently) have over my own works. I decide what happens to these characters, so you'd think I'd be their god, but in reality, I'm actually their bitch.

Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read my entire fic. I hope you enjoyed it at least half as much as I did. Now, I'm off to take my long-awaited break from writing, and catch up on all the things I've had to put off to focus on my WIPs. Au revoir!