#this is everything I did and will do at school today
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#scp#scp foundation#scp doctors#fanart#scp fanart#art#dr bright#jack bright#scp 963#vent#vent art#evan does art#this is everything I did and will do at school today#i tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter i had to fall to lose kt all but in the end it doesn't even matter#that sounded like a joke but i mean it really#if i wasn't a fucking coward I could be in a hospital or a mental hospital or dead right now but you already know how much of a coward i am
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MADNESS IN MANSION AU MAIN CHARACTERS !
DISCLAIMER: this is just my au to have fun with, so not everything is gonna be completely accurate or “canon!” A lot of these characters have different stories from their source materials! And also this au is mostly about friendship, love, and family! It’s just something I think is cute and fun to work on! :3 Also also! Since some of them don’t have catchphrases, I made up little quotes!
The main cast! The main line up! The main players!
More info is down below!! :D
Judge Angels — “I will sentence you!” — Dina Clark was brought in by Slenderman while on the run for killing their CEO father and most of their family’s staff. Traveling with them, their mother’s corpse neatly packed in a suitcase. They just wanted to find a safe place for their beloved mother to finally rest.
Bloody Painter — “Don’t be excited for tomorrow.” — Helen Otis sought out Slenderman after realizing the police were hot on his trail. The pressures of life had built up, and all he wanted to do was create a new world from scratch. One filled to the brim with beauty and art. The world will bend to his will.
Ticci Toby — “Follows…” — After moving from Wisconsin to Alabama, Toby Roger’s life spiraled out of control. He had endured countless hardships, and the death of his sister was more than he could take. After burning it all to the ground, Slenderman gave him a place to seek refuge.
Jeff the Killer — “Go to sleep.” — Some people are dealt a shitty hand. Jeffery Woods’ life was standard, but that didn’t make it easy. In high school, things only got worse. At the hands of his peers he was burned alive. He survived, but his mind had completely shattered. He wants to pick up the pieces.
Homicidal Liu — “Today’s a better day.” — Liu Woods had always done his best to be a proper older sibling. He wanted nothing more to protect his younger brother. Maybe that’s why he barely fought back when his brother attempted to kill him. There was a moment of hesitation, and in that moment he ran. Slenderman had found him bleeding out, he promised he could keep him alive.
Eyeless Jack — “Do no harm.” — Jack Nyras had his whole life ahead of him. He was at university studying to be a doctor. However, unexpected things can happen at any moment. What was supposed to be a college party had turned into nothing short of cult activity, Jack being their ultimate sacrifice. He doesn’t remember much after their torture, only that Slenderman had found him bloodied and fundamentally changed in the forest.
Kate the Chaser — “Don’t look…or it takes you.” — Sometimes Slenderman sees potential. Slenderman saw great potential in Kate Milens. But not just anyone can become a proxy. Kate had gone through multiple trials without even knowing, always coming out favorably in the Slenderman’s opinion. Being so close to Slenderman, however, comes with symptoms… consequences.
Nina the Killer — “Go to sleep, my prince!” — Childhood friends with Liu, Jeff, and their friend Jane, Nina Hopkins was always a bright and cheery force of nature. Despite her efforts to get along with her peers, rumors had a way of creeping up. It was a good thing she had her friends to lean on. She always had her friends. She’d always have her friends. Friends don’t give up on each other.
Eyeless Lulu — “Gimme your eyes.” — Lucille-Tiffany Greatfeild never had luck making friends. It seemed no matter what she did, her peers found her weird. Growing up, she was a lonely child, however, going to college filled her with determination to break out of her shell and at least make a few acquaintances. She was befriended by a group of peers who were seemingly kind and caring, but sometimes things are too good to be true. Having heard of an new internet legend, they pressured Lulu into playing a stupid game, performing a silly ritual. They all paid the price.
Clockwork — “Time’s up.” — Natalie Ouellette came from a broken home. Ever since she was young, she was starkly aware of how unfair life can be. She had poor health as a child, often in and out of doctor offices due to various reasons, a bad flu or broken bones. Every time she exited the hospital, she heard the tick in her head, like her time was running out, being wasted, rotting away. As she grew up, this tick only got louder. Time was against her, and the abuse was getting worse. She had to do something. And she did do something. And then she ran.
BEN Drowned — “You’ve met with a terrible fate!” — Benjamin Lawman was a very lively boy. He loved making friends, drinking soda, and of course, frequenting arcades and internet cafes! Life for him was simple, it was perfect! But there are things that are out of your control, circumstances one is born into. Divorce is hard for the whole family to go through, but Ben had hope, an optimistic outlook. The look in his father’s eyes was scary as they drove to the lake alone, but his father was a rational man. Surely there was a rational explanation for all of this.
Sally — “Wanna play?” — Sally Williams had just turned 12! Her birthday party was held in Loblolly’s very own, new and shiny park! The year was 1973 and the summer air was warm and inviting. Sally had just finished opening her gifts, her favorite being a new teddy bear from her mom and dad. A true friend, soft and kind. While many kids showed up to her party, they didn’t have good intentions. One girl suggested they play a game before Sally got to the piñata. They blindfolded her, giggling and exclaiming, “We’ll guide you!” Really, they just wanted to see if they could get her lost. What they didn’t account for was the truck barreling down the road as they told her to cross it.
Lazari Swann — “I can do this!” — Lazari Swann never knew her mother and father. Her mother had died during childbirth, leaving her to the care of foster homes. She did her best. She made the best of any situation, always selfless, always helpful. But as she grew up, it gnawed at the back of her mind. Her father… where had he gone? Who was he? What did he look like? She only had one clue, a picture from her mother’s photo album with a location marked: Loblolly, Alabama. She’d get her answers one way or another.
Masky — “Always watches, no eyes.” — Tim Wright is a man of few words now. Not many know of how he came to be so reliable in the Slenderman’s eye, why he’s so guarded and keeps to himself, why he’s so close with Brian. They just know that his word is to be trusted, he knows what he’s doing. He is regarded as the most capable human in the mansion, and despite his attempts to keep everyone at a distance, many of the mansion’s inhabitants look to him for guidance.
Hoodie — “Can’t run.” — Brian Thomas is just as reliable, but because of his elusive nature, many don’t know how to read him quite right. He is more personable than Tim, handling most of the talking when the two of them are together. Brian is easy going, despite his circumstances, and can even crack a few light hearted jokes. But no one really knows much about him. Still, people in the mansion recognize his survivability and will take his guidance if Tim isn’t around.
Nurse Ann — “It won’t hurt… much.” — In the 1800s, there was a hospital in the woods of Loblolly, and Ann Lusen Mia worked there. She was a dutiful nurse, very caring and dedicated to her job. She believed in the good of humanity, and cherished being able to care for the sick and injured. A doctor within the hospital, a colleague of hers, informed her that he was working on a new method of care and asked her to be a part of it. She agreed, enthusiastic for the progress of medicine. Little did she know she would be the experiment. As she felt herself dying, she pleaded with any entity she could to help her, save her, and that was enough for Zalgo to offer her a deal.
Laughing Jack — “Round and round the mulberry bush…!” — The Laughing Jack is a mystery to many. He is a demon, taking the form of a monochrome clown with many nonsensical traits. He speaks in riddles and rhymes for the most part, always eccentric and mind-bending. He thoroughly enjoys being a nuisance to humans, a pest, a bother, but when it comes to more sensitive people or children, he can actually be quite a sweetheart. His morals are unknown to anyone as he is not tied to Slenderman or Zalgo and acts on his own accord. He seems to favor Slenderman though, for whatever reason, and so he has become a trusted ally!
Slenderman — “…” — The Slenderman’s origins are unknown. He has existed for thousands of years. After a gruesome battle with the underworld’s ruler, Zalgo, Slenderman was severely weakened. The battle ended in a stalemate, though it was surely in Zalgo’s favor. Too close to a victory for Slenderman’s liking. At the end of their battle, Slenderman had used most of his energy to lock Zalgo in the underworld dimension for good, but his seal wasn’t perfect. Many zalgoid creatures can still access earth, but as long as it’s not Zalgo himself, he has time. He started taking in lost and weary souls in hopes of building an army. He feeds off negative energy, his mansion feeds off negative energy, the forest feeds off negative energy. But what he didn’t expect was that these beings, human and possessed and undead alike, have started making him feel. He cares for them. And this care might be just what he needs to get rid of Zalgo for good.
#HOLY SHIT THIS IS FINALLY DONE#IVE HAD THIS IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS#I love slenderdad and slendermansion#it’s very healing writing about these characters getting loving environments#my au is literally all about the power of friendship#I DONT CARE IF THEYRE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARY#I NEED THEM TO LAUGH AND BE HAPPY#creepypasta#creepypasta fandom#creepypasta au#creepypasta fanart#crp fanart#crp au#judge angels#bloody painter#homicidal liu#eyeless jack#ticci toby#jeff the killer#kate the chaser#nina the killer#ben drowned#sally williams#lazari swann#tim masky#brian hoodie#nurse ann#laughing jack#slenderman#Madness in Mansion
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In love with my best friend
Rafe Cameron x fem reader
Rafe finally asks you out.
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CW: Panty stealing, oral male recieving, PnV sex!! (Female is just aesthetic purposes!!!!!!)
“Mmm, Rafe. This is delicious. What do I owe the pleasure?” Rafe had to keep himself from drooling as you licked the ice cream cone. Your heels clicked on the sidewalk as he walked you to his car.
Your cropped shirt hugged your waist as you waited for him to open the passenger door. Rafe waited until you were situated inside before shutting the door. He wanted you to be happy today. After getting all that money, you were the first person he thought of. He wanted to spoil you. His best friend since middle school.
As he drove, you had your legs crossed as you hummed happily. Savoring each taste of ice cream as you listened to lil peep. Rafe wanted to ask you now but he kept losing his nerve.
“So, what’s the deal with uh-Caleb or whatever?” He asked instead and you glanced at him. Your lipgloss slightly mused.
“Colin? Oh, it wasn’t meant to be.” You giggled and flicked your hair out of your eyes. Rafe snorted and let his face fall on your chest for a few seconds.
“Think you can fit in a movie with your schedule?” Rafe gave you a playful elbow and you pouted.
“What’s wrong, Rafe? Are you jealous of all the time I’ve been spending with other people? And not you since you’re rich again?”
He flexed his jaw, used to your bratty remarks but that specific time hit a nerve. Yeah, he was jealous. Jealous of anyone who got to have you or be near you.
He was addicted to you. The way you moved, smelled, talked…everything.
Rafe had collection of panties in his room, all yours when he knew you wouldn’t miss them. His cock was familiar with the lace of them.
“Doll, you’re the only one who gets spoiled by me.” He saw your lips curl into a smirk and naturally, he rested a hand on your thigh.
Rafe tested your reaction, leaving his palm on the meat of your leg. But you didn’t pay attention, as if you were used to such physical displays. That made him feel even more jealous. You being so used to intimate touches that you didn’t even spare him a glance?
His grip tightened ever so slightly as he drove home. Rafe didn’t wait for your answer about the movie. He needed to be around you in any capacity. After he parked, Rafe walked out of the car and opened your door. “Cmon,”
He appraised you as you took his hand as support, standing and you batted your eyelashes. Rafe did smile at the sight of your necklace, two ballet slippers. Dancing was something you loved, were damn good at and he did remember how genuinely happy you looked a few years ago. He gifted you that piece of jewelry. You never removed it.
Later, In his loft, he came to the living room where you made yourself comfortable. Curled up like a kitten as you eyed the selection of films. You subconsciously leaned towards him as he sat next to you on the couch. Rafe kept telling himself, now. Ask her now.
“So. What are you doing Friday evening?” His voice was easy going but not casual. You looked over at him with raised eyebrows.
“Why?” Rafe rolled his eyes. Of course, even when he was trying to ask you on a date, you were bratty.
“Well? Do you have plans?”
You shrugged and he decided to take a more direct approach. Maybe his dick gave him courage or it was being fed up with your flippancy.
Rafe took hold of your chin, turning you towards him and you nuzzled into his palm. His breath caught as you gave him a soft expression.
“I want to take you out. Not like this. I want to take you on a date, princess. I’ve wanted to forever but I was too much of a pussy.”
“Yes.”
Rafe blinked at your response but quickly smiled. “Yeah? You’ll go out with me?”
“That’s what I said, didn’t I?” You giggled and he cupped your cheeks. He moved in, easing his way towards you, caught your lips in a kiss.
Rafe always wondered what it would be like. Kissing your sweet lips. Feeling your tongue against his as he touched your perfect body. He explored your figure, appreciating your curves as he began shifting. Rafe pulled back, hovering over your breathless mouth.
“Not here. I wanna do this right,” Without another word, he lifted you into his arms and walked to the bedroom.
Rafe set you down gently, still standing as you looked up at him, sitting on the mattress. Your eyes were a little glazed, lashes coated with mascara and you glanced at his pants.
“Oh, you want my dick, princess? Where exactly do you want it?”
Your fingers worked to unzip his pants, pulling down his underwear too. Rafe watched you take in his form.
You took hold of the shaft, spitting on the tip and you ran your tongue along the sides with expertise. He shivered and set a firm hand on your head. You sucked the head, moaning as you did it and fondled his balls. Rafe groaned as you took him as deep as possible, your throat bulging and he took the back of your head, pushing it down until your nose hit his stomach.
“That’s my fuckin girl, taking my cock so well. Goddamn, you know what you’re doing,” Nothing could ever compare to your mouth around him. Especially when you pulled off his dick to suck his balls. Using your tongue at the same time and he was seconds away from busting in your mouth. But he pulled you off, watching the spit fall from your lips.
Rafe crawled on top of you, licking the sweet spot on your neck until he kissed you messily. He sucked your lower lip, palming your tits and his hands clumsily taking off your shorts. Rafe kissed down your chest, hauling your shirt off and he sucked your nipples as he exposed them.
“You’re so fucking pretty, needed to taste every inch of you,” He panted and worked his way down your stomach. Rafe let his hands settle on your hips, his fingertips feeling your panties and he pushed them to the side.
“I need to fuck your pussy, baby. I gotta feel you squeeze my dick and cream on it.” He maneuvered your legs, bending them at the knees and he moved upright.
Rafe grabbed his cock, slapping the head against your clit a few times. Smearing the precum and he savored every second as you moaned when he pressed into you. HE felt your stomach bulge from his dick, he saw stars as he thrusted. Your hands moved, not being able to settle anywhere and Rafe lifted you up. Pressing your chests together, your arms wrapped around his back as he got a better angle.
“Fuck, it feels so good,” You whispered in his ear and he wrapped a hand around your throat.
“Is this what you needed? Needed to choke on my dick to quiet that mouth? Next time you wanna be a brat, you’ll just be a little slut for me.” Rafe used his momentum to fuck into you harder, playing with your clit at the same time and you were whimpering. Moaning his name and he wanted to make you cum so badly.
“What do you need, baby?” You shifted your legs higher and Rafe pushed them back. Your eyes squeezed shut and you let out a chorus of pleasured sounds.
“Let go, cum for me, princess. You’re so fucking pretty.” Rafe couldn’t resist meeting your lips as you were pushed over the edge and you gripped his back. Nails digging into his skin and he followed you soon shortly after.
Rafe came deep in you, he watched it from your pussy and he pulled his dick out. Jerked it so more cum decorated your bare skin. You sharply exhaled when he licked it off your lower stomach.
“That was round one, baby girl. Now that I’ve felt that pretty little pussy, I gotta sample it with my mouth too. It’s my job as your best friend.” He gave you an arrogant smirk as you gently smacked his arm.
@hauntedfawnn @eerielamb @songbirdmunson @loserboysandlithium @rafesheaven @marchsfreakshow
#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#outerbanks rafe#rafe outer banks#rafe x you#rafe cameron smut#rafe fanfiction#rafe smut#rafe x reader#rafe cameron imagine#rafe x reader smut#rafe#rafe cameron fic#rafe cameron blurb#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron x you#rafe imagine#rafe cameron obx#rafe cameron outer banks#rafe cameron x female reader#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe fic#rafe obx#outer banks x you#outer banks x y/n#outer banks smut#outer banks x reader#outer banks
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How it is to spend Valentine's Day with a skz member x Reader:
-Hyung line-
Genre: Fluff, Headcanon, too sweet.
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Bangchan:
• Chan is an old-school romantic.
• He prepared everything for a perfect romantic dinner at the best restaurant.
• He literally planned it for months.
Chan dressed up in a suit and saw you in the red form-fitting dress he specially bought for the occasion. He picked you up at 9, arriving at your house with a bouquet of roses and a diamond necklace.
When you arrived at the restaurant, he ordered wine for both of you and your respective dishes.
Throughout the dinner, he was flirty and affectionate. Every other word, he told you how beautiful you looked and how much he loved you.
• He is hopelessly in love.
• After dinner, he invited you to his place.
• Upon arrival, he showered you with sweet kisses.
• He invited you to take a shower in his bathtub, where the hot water mixed with the warmth of your bodies. He made sure to kiss you everywhere.
"Did you know I love you so much?" he said between kisses. "I love everything about you, your beautiful face," he kissed your cheek. "Your delicious neck," he gave you a kiss on the neck. "Your delicate back," he kissed your back. And he continued like this with your chest, arms, legs, hands, etc.
After that, you both went to bed together, and he didn't let go of you until it was necessary.
It was definitely a beautiful night.
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Lee Know:
• Minho isn’t usually so demonstrative; for him, just being the two of you at home would be a perfect night, but he wanted to show off for you.
• "Hey, we’re going on a date early today. Wait for me, kitten." That’s all he said to you.
• He made a list of his favorite things; he didn’t feel like you had to do anything different just because of the date, just activities that both of you enjoyed together.
He picked you up at 10 AM, wearing a black hoodie and gray jeans, and wearing the matching bracelet you both have. His first stop was a cat café; you both stayed there for a while, laughing together and adoring the beautiful cats.
• Whenever he had the chance, he took photos of you.
The second stop was a convenience store (don’t judge him 🙏🏻). He picked up all sorts of snacks, and after that, you both would go to his house to watch anime. It might not seem fun, but watching him so focused would make you like it.
• He’d lay on top of your chest watching the anime, complaining whenever you stopped giving him hair strokes.
• When he got bored, he would start a playful kiss battle that would end with him biting your lip cutely.
• To finish the day, you both would make dinner together, him behind you, placing his hands on your waist, and you on his shoulder whenever you had the chance.
“Mmm, that smells good,” he said, burying his nose in your neck.
“But we’re just starting to cook,” you said, smiling lovingly.
“Who’s talking about the food?” He kissed your neck and continued cooking.
After dinner, he’d rush to his room, and when he returned, he’d hand you a bouquet of purple flowers and something you casually mentioned wanting. Maybe a stuffed animal, a dress, or anything. He literally bought it as soon as you mentioned it.
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Changbin:
• He’s perfect :((
• He spent the night before with you, wanting to wake up and see you first.
• He told you that you were going out together, helped you dry your hair, do your makeup, and zipped up your dress.
• He’s the king of compliments: “How am I so lucky to be your boyfriend?” “Wow, are you real or just a figment of my imagination, the woman of my dreams?” and more sweet things that melt your heart <3.
He took you to a thousand expensive stores, bought things like perfumes, clothes, and jewelry, but what you didn’t know was that he was taking note of everything you touched to buy. When you saw him pay, you found a hundred items you hadn’t even considered.
• He took you on a quiet, non-fancy picnic.
• When he saw a street vendor passing by with flowers, he bought the entire basket.
“I’m not giving you this out of obligation or thinking that you can’t afford it. I just want to give the best to the best thing that happened to me in life,” literally a love arrow to the heart.
• By nightfall, he asked if you wanted to do something a little “silly”; he wanted a cliché sleepover night with skincare, movies, junk food, comfy clothes, and lots of cuddles.
You couldn’t stop laughing when you saw him in the pink face mask; you wanted to pinch his cheeks.
• You both watched a rom-com, and he hugged you the whole time.
• You ate the least healthy food and filled up until you were satisfied.
• You wore his clothes as pajamas, and he wore the comfiest thing he could find in his wardrobe.
• By the end of the night, you were curled up talking about random things.
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Hyunjin:
• Literally love personified.
• He called you as soon as he woke up with “HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, MY PRECIOUS!” He literally startled you.
• He sent his driver to pick you up and take you to his place.
• When you arrived, you saw him holding a bouquet of flowers and a painting of those flowers he painted himself.
“So that when they wilt, you can still see them.”
• He’d ask you to wait while he gets ready, and when you saw him, you’d notice he had matched his outfit with yours.
“I love how you dress, but I feel like something’s missing,” he said thoughtfully. Then he pulled out two matching necklaces from his pocket. “This completes the look,” he placed the necklace on you, and then on himself.
• He invited you to have tea on a terrace just for the two of you.
• It was lovely and cozy, literally perfect.
• He took a picture of your matching necklaces and set it as his wallpaper.
• As evening came, he invited you to dinner at a fancy restaurant, having wine and the most delicious food on the menu.
• When you both got back to his house, he gave you a painting of your eyes.
• He gave you a jar of letters and told you to read them only when you missed him. The letters were full of adoration. He also gave you a cute bear plush, and he got one for himself to hug when he wasn’t there, and one for you to hug when you missed him (he’s so clingy and sweet).
At his house, he stuck to you like glue and kissed you for hours. While you were talking, he would just stare at your lips and, without saying anything, kiss you passionately for a while. You both watched a movie, and he took every opportunity to kiss you in the middle of scenes. You listened to music from his playlist he made for your relationship, and he kissed you every time the song changed. You were both lying down, about to fall asleep, and he couldn’t resist kissing you a bit more. Even when you woke up in the middle of the night, he gave you a sweet kiss and went back to sleep next to you.
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English is not my first language, so if you notice any mistakes, let me know. 🙏🏻
It took me a while to post it, but I thought it was too good to discard.
If it goes well, I'll upload the Maknae version.💞
#skz x reader#skz#stray kids#fluff#lee know x reader#skz drabbles#skz fluff#skz imagines#skz stay#stray kids hyung line#bangchan x reader#bang chan#bangchan fluff#lee know fluff#lee know#changbin x reader#seo changbin#changbin fluff#hyunjin x reader#hyunjin#hyunjin fluff#lee minho x reader#lee minho#seo changbin x reader#hwang hyunjin#hwang hyunjin x reader#san valentin#romantic#romance#skz headcanons
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TROPE SERIES: Lee Felix
UNFINISHED
Pairing: Brother-in-law!Felix x Princess!F Reader, AU fantasy world (royalty), reader has an identical twin.
Trope: Marriage pact, lovers in denial
Warnings: smut duh, cursing, jealousy, angst, manipulation, physical abuse, unprotected sex(Oopsie), nicknames(Princess,baby), and heartbreak lol.
A/n: By marriage pact I mean with the reader’s twin sister.
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~~~
It has always been known that your twin sister would be queen. And you… always a princess.
She is the older one after-all. But nevertheless you were made to believe that you are less. Who could beat the crown princess? Everything was handed to her. Identical to you and yet not.
You were born to be her forever servant. To abide by her side, to her wishes and accept it.
But you would not go down without a fight.
“How are you feeling today?” You ask as you lace the white strings to your sister’s wedding gown. Today she is getting married. To her childhood love, who was also yours, until she stole him right under your feet. Like a rug that was swept.
Lee Felix. A prince from another kingdom. A simple transaction to join their hands.
“A bit nervous, but I know he will love how I look.” This all for him after-all. To sink her claws further.
“Of course, sister, you look divine.”
She turns her head to look back at you, not caring for the mirror in front of her, to assess your reaction. “Oh, y/n.”
Suddenly tears build up in her eyes. Scaring down the cheeks that are yours. Her bottom lip pouts. “I am so grateful that I have you.”
A sudden sentiment? She wants something.
“Don’t cry, Serena.” I reach up to swipe a tear away gently.
“I have a favor to ask, my dear sister.”
Here we go. She cups my hands with her and brings me over to a the small couch in her room. Dragging me along to sit with her.
She sucks in a breath. “Tonight, after the marriage party is over. He will take me to his room, to congregate our joint of hands.”
“Yes… that is procedure for the future rulers.”
“But I do not want to, or rather, I can’t.” Her brows bunch upwards. She squeezes my palms as I feel my pulse quicken. She better not be thinking what I am thinking.
There have been times in the past where your sister and you have posed as the other. A way for her to get out of chores or cheat on a school test. You were always commanded to do whatever she said. An order by the crown princess. An order by your elder sister. You were scared to say no.
“Sister, do you think you could do it for me? Go through with the night with him. And if it works, to continue whenever he wants to pleasure himself?”
She. Has. To. Be. Joking. You stand up. Looking at her in utter disbelief. Shocked.
“But why? Why do you not want to?”
“I intend to stay pure, for life. To be able to go to heaven. I have made a promise with god.”
“Serena… he will know.” Having sex with your childhood crush in your sisters stead is not how you imagined your future. You may be identical, but that much.
“No, he won’t. And if he does… I will explain it to him. He will have to abide by me after we marry.”
Is this her way of making up to you after all those things she did to secure him? You are a virgin. Made sure by her, and you will never marry. Life to solidarity. It was clear she did all of it to show she can easily take what you have.
“Is it an order?” You grit out through your teeth.
Her face falls. “…yes.”
“Then so be it.” Your heels click against the white marble floor as you make your way over to the door. You slam it shut.
~
You await on the blue sheets of the bed, awaiting your sister’s groom. She stated that he insisted to grab champagne to celebrate in private and she took the opportunity to switch with you. Your hair done like she had. And the clothes.
A silk night gown with all-too revealing pink lingerie underneath. Barely the lace covering your parts. And the stockings. Embarrassingly soft.
MORE ON MY WATTPAD
#stray kids#stray kids stay#stray kids imagines#stray kids series#straykids hard hours#straykids smut#lee felix smut#felix hard hours#stray kids smut#felix smut#skz hard thoughts#lee yongbok smut#straykidshardhours
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So the other day I went on a bit of a deep dive and used the wayback machine to find some of my old fanfic (may you never see it) but I was reading through my old comments (as you do) on my most popular fic from back then, that I started when I was twelve, and my god I have to share this with you guys 😭😂
We have come a LONG way and I think I maybe just blanked a lot of this out to keep myself going, because if current me was copping this, she’d be out, no more fic.
Consider this my official apology for forever saying fandom is so much worse than it used to be…It’s only mostly worse 🤣🫶🏼 that bright period in there was obviously the decade after this one.
Shall we stroll down memory lane together?
(trigger warning: homophobia)
Now, I’m not claiming my work was amazing (again, I was TWELVE) it was honestly terrible. Cringe as hell. But it also clearly had some fans because I got a lot of decent comments too (hundreds on a 19k word HP fic that I abandoned after a few years, that then did not survive the second great ffnet purge), and a lot of those comments after I was like “GUYS I’M TRYING HERE I’M ONLY TWELVE!” etc were like “wait, you’re what now?!” So that’s kinda nice 😌
But the point is, we all start from somewhere. I’ve been doing this ‘gig’ a while, no one is good overnight, at ANYTHING. I don’t even think I’m that good at it now. If you’re predisposed to writing, it still takes practice! And apparently the guts to weather…this.
Welcome to the 2000’s ✨
• look, i don't care if you've lost your inspiration... just ramble until you do
LOL
• could you upload quicker? i want more of the story faster!
😂 there was a little too much honesty going around
• Did you have to stop, I just started reading this story today and I already have fallen in love with it. I don't like it when authors stop the story half way through.
Me either!!! But you know, I had to go to school so 🤷🏼♀️
• I hate you. I just want you to know that. Not finish! Blec!
BLEC!!
It’s starting to make sense to me why I have a serious anxiety about not having a few chapters written ahead of time, my therapist would say that’s buried trauma ✨
• why why whyyyyy! Why must you stop on a cliffhanger!
just call me rebecca
• WELL, one thing for sure, your chapter ALL so freaking short!
Lmao this one didn’t age well 😌
• It's pretty pathetic that YOU'RE one of those TYPICAL cliche, boring authors that go with the knowitall and gold-digging WHORES then say Luna, who's under used and under-appreciated!
I made Hermione and Ginny friends of Harry. Like they are in the book 🙃 this person also commented on every single chapter in this style, hating everything—I know because no one used anon. Hiding your homophobia? Apparently Not trés chic!
• You'r an awful pweson who'll burn in hell.
I made Harry gay.
• Why is Harry such a girl?
Again, he’s not, he’s just gay. I think he also went shopping and bought some jeans (hp 2000’s fic shopping montage, whaddup?! ✌🏼)
• cant rembet why i click on there but there not GAY Harry is 100% not fag
How sure are you, though? He had some real great tension with Diary Tom Riddle, if we’re being fair. Also, it was clearly marked. I took up some of that valuable 20 character summary space TO mark it but the homophobes kept coming 🥲
• I like slash, but it has to be well written, and it’s completly unrealistic and wrong for harry to be a bottom.
There…was no sex involved. He went shopping for some pants. He found another male attractive. I’m?? Also not sure how you inferred that he would be a dominant partner anyway because even with Ginny you know damn well she’s on top 😌
• disgusting! you ruined such a good story.
Pretty sure this was also about ✨the gay✨
• Look, I'm not trying to flame, but after all this time of waiting, why are there so little words?
I was busy with seventh grade algebra hun!! Also, I was drafting by hand on paper and uploading from the FAMILY DESKTOP COMPUTER. I had to zero out every time someone walked past, hello???
• this story was kind of creepy and i know for a fact that animals leave the losing animal in the ground to claim their teritory.
I…actually have no idea what this was about and also whether it’s true 😂
• Please update as soon as possible
I just picture this person with a deadpan expression, typing with their pointer fingers.
• There's a lot of stuff that's unexplained here, add a little more detail and the story would be a lot better.
ok VALID babe, valid, lots of this same sentiment and I TOOK that advice, like if I got this as a twelve year old to my (online) face, I’m positive your fav millionaire authors can handle it if they happen to see it floating by in the netosphere!
In saying all that, there were some really funny comments too. People were generally a lot more creative when leaving comments back then (aside from the general rudeness 20-30% of them exhibited lmao).
• please dont leave me hanging..i look pathetic when i hanging...trust me on this one...visualize a wet cat stuck on a towl rack
Help, I’m whEEZING 😂
•I have no words to describe how I feel about you right now. That isn't even a cliff hanger you obliterated the cliff and tossed us into an abyss of unknown danger!
Some things don’t change I guess, sorry bout it 🤷🏼♀️
• (football caoch voice) move move move! u have readers on u go go go!
🤣 it really do be feeling like that
• You sure you're 13? You seem more like a demented 18 yearold to me.
Thank you *bows*
Final considerations: Why could no one spell or punctuate? Glad we’re past that era 😮💨
But no seriously I think this is why people who were around for the 90s, 00’s and 10’s are so critical of fandom today, because we weathered THIS and ended up with something really great, and now it seems that’s being threatened more and more.
So whenever you see pushback against “today’s fandom” it’s coming from a place of “dear god, we’ve been in the trenches and we do NOT want to go back” 🫶🏼
My dear current readers, I love you endlessly for not being these people, good lord.
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hi can u do the triplets 5 year old sister came home with a bad grade and her dad yelled at her and the triplets comforted her after and let her sleep with them
aww
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“Safe With Us”
Sturniolos x sister
Warnings : crying , yelling
Y/N had never liked school, but she tried her best because she knew it made everyone happy—especially her dad. But today, her best hadn’t been enough.
She clutched the crumpled test paper in her tiny hands as she stepped into the house, her heart pounding. The big, red “F” stared back at her, making her stomach twist. She knew she was supposed to hide it, but her dad asked about school the second she walked in.
And when she showed him the paper, everything went wrong.
“What is this, Y/N?” he snapped, holding the test up.
She swallowed hard. “I tried really hard…”
“Trying isn’t enough! You need to do better!” His voice was loud—too loud. “You’re not some dumb kid, so stop acting like one!”
Tears welled in her eyes, but she bit her lip to keep them from falling. She hated when people yelled at her, especially her dad. She wanted to say something, to explain how hard the test was, how she got nervous and forgot everything—but she couldn’t.
Her dad sighed harshly, running a hand down his face. “Go to your room. I don’t want to hear excuses.”
Y/N didn’t argue. She turned and ran upstairs, sniffling as she went straight to the triplets’ room instead of her own. She didn’t want to be alone.
Chris, Matt, and Nick were sitting on the floor, playing a video game, but the second she pushed the door open, all three of them looked up.
Nick’s face immediately fell. “Y/N? What’s wrong?”
That was all it took. The tears she had been holding back came rushing out, and she ran straight into Chris’s arms, sobbing.
“Hey, hey, hey—what happened?” Chris asked softly, rubbing her back.
She sniffled, burying her face into his hoodie. “I got a bad grade… and Daddy yelled at me.”
Chris stiffened, his jaw clenching. “He yelled at you?”
She nodded, her tiny hands gripping his sweatshirt. “He said I need to do better, but I tried, I really did.”
Matt exchanged a look with Nick, both of them clearly pissed off.
Nick scooted closer, brushing some hair out of her tear-streaked face. “Y/N, listen to me. You’re five. You’re not supposed to be perfect at everything.”
Chris squeezed her a little tighter. “And even if you got a bad grade, that doesn’t mean you’re not smart. You are smart, and you’re gonna learn.”
Matt leaned in. “And you know what? One bad grade isn’t a big deal. You don’t need to be scared, okay? We’ll help you next time.”
Y/N sniffled again, peeking up at them. “You’re not mad at me?”
Chris pulled back just enough to look her in the eyes. “Mad at you? Never. Mad at Dad for making you feel bad? Yeah.”
Nick nodded. “He shouldn’t have yelled at you, Y/N. That wasn’t fair.”
Matt wiped her cheeks gently. “But don’t worry, baby. You’re with us now. You’re safe.”
Y/N let out a small, shaky breath. “Can I sleep with you guys tonight?”
Chris didn’t even hesitate. “Of course.”
Nick smiled. “You’re always welcome here.”
Matt grabbed the blanket from his bed and wrapped it around her. “Let’s get comfy, okay?”
Y/N finally started to relax as they tucked her between them, making sure she felt warm and safe.
Her dad might have made her feel small, but her brothers? They made her feel like she was enough. Always.
#chris sturniolo#matt sturniolo#sturniolo triplets#sturniolo fanfic#chris sturniolo x reader#chris sturniolo x you#christopher sturniolo#nick sturniolo#matt sturniolo x reader#matt stuniolo fanfic#matthew sturniolo#sturniolo#nicolas sturniolo#sturniolo x reader#sister sturniolo#sturniolo series
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( ౨ৎ ) ──────── UP!
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MELODiES AND MEMORiES ── prompt 12 / / ni-ki x fem!reader .:. g. fluff , bestfriends to lovers ..: w. skinship ( hand holding , hugging ) 𓂃 wc. ~ 1000 ;. lily's note. made this for mei or @miukidoll <3 (I told you it's nothing scary) hope you like it 🫶 btw I'll try to post chapter 1 of fooled hearts next week!!!
It was a usual Saturday afternoon. You were sitting on the grassy field at the park, waiting for Ni-ki. It was a thing you two always did, hanging out and having fun. Ni-ki, your best friend since you could remember, had promised to meet you after he finished his practice session for his school soccer team. He always had a smile that made everything feel better, and even though you had known him for so long, it always made your heart skip when you saw him.
You looked at your phone, tapping your foot impatiently. He was taking forever today, and you just wanted to have fun with him. That was the thing with Ni-ki—he could always make even the simplest things fun, and today, you had a new idea for something to do. You’d been thinking a lot about it, and it made your cheeks turn red just imagining it. But you didn’t want to mess up what you had with him. What if he didn’t feel the same way?
A sudden voice broke your thoughts.
“Y/N! Sorry I’m late!” Ni-ki called out as he jogged over, waving his hand.
You smiled at him, your worries melting away the moment his eyes met yours. “It’s okay, you’re not that late,” you said, though you knew you were lying. You were just glad to see him.
“Good. So what are we doing today?” Ni-ki asked, plopping down next to you. He sat so close, his shoulder brushing against yours. You didn’t mind, though. You actually kind of liked it.
“Well, I thought we could play that silly game you like,” you said, referring to the one where you two would make up random rules and try not to laugh.
Ni-ki grinned. “I’m in!” He slapped your back playfully, and the impact made you giggle. “But first, I need a snack.”
You laughed and pulled out a bag of chips you had been snacking on earlier. “Here, I brought these.”
Ni-ki took the bag with a grin. “You always think ahead, huh?” he said, popping a chip into his mouth.
You shrugged. “I know you too well.”
For a moment, the two of you just sat there, eating chips and chatting about random things. The wind picked up, and the sun was starting to set, casting a warm, orange glow over everything. You both sat back and just enjoyed the moment, your bodies leaning against the tree that was shading you. Ni-ki’s presence was always calming, like everything was right when he was around. But today, you couldn’t help but feel something more when he laughed or smiled at you. It felt like there was more than just friendship between you two. But you didn’t know if you should tell him.
The game you played together was always goofy. It was just a way for you two to laugh and forget about everything else. Ni-ki was always full of energy, even when he was tired from soccer practice. It didn’t matter how many people were around or how embarrassing it got, Ni-ki would always be willing to make a fool of himself for your sake.
As you were trying not to laugh at his ridiculous dance moves, Ni-ki suddenly grabbed your hand.
“Hey, no laughing at me!” he said, his face serious but the spark in his eyes showing he was joking.
You stared at his hand in yours. It was warm, his fingers wrapped around yours in a way that felt...different. Your heart started to beat a little faster, and you wondered if maybe he felt it too.
“Ni-ki…” you whispered, your voice coming out a little quieter than usual.
He looked at you, his expression softening. “What’s wrong, Y/N?”
You didn’t know why you were so nervous. You had always been close, always known each other inside and out. So why did this moment feel so different? You glanced at your intertwined fingers and then back up at his face.
“I don’t know... I just... I don’t know what’s happening,” you stammered. Your face turned red as you realized how silly you sounded.
Ni-ki chuckled softly, his eyes sparkling. “You’re acting weird,” he said. “It’s okay. I’m here.”
You didn’t know what to say next, but it felt like everything in the air had shifted. Ni-ki leaned his shoulder against yours, a gentle touch that made your skin tingle.
“You know,” he started, his voice quieter now. “I like hanging out with you, Y/N. Like, really like it.”
Your breath caught in your throat. “I like it too…”
Ni-ki looked at you then, his gaze intense but kind. “I mean, like, a lot. More than just friends. You’re always so cheerful and fun, and I don’t know... it makes me feel like I can be myself. Like... it’s different when I’m with you.”
You felt your cheeks grow even warmer. “Me too, Ni-ki. I feel like... I feel like I can tell you anything. You make me feel happy.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips, and before you could say anything else, he suddenly pulled you into a hug. It wasn’t anything crazy—just a simple, warm hug—but it made your heart race like crazy.
“You make me happy too,” he whispered into your hair.
You stood there, your heart beating loudly in your chest as you hugged him back. His arms felt strong and comforting around you, and for a moment, you didn’t care about anything else. The world could have been falling apart, and you would’ve still been okay as long as he was holding you.
Finally, after what felt like forever, Ni-ki pulled back, his hands still resting on your shoulders. He smiled at you again, and this time, it felt like the smile you had always been waiting for.
“Y/N, I think... I think I like you more than just a friend,” he said, his voice soft and unsure but sincere.
Your heart fluttered. "I like you too, Ni-ki," you said, your voice barely a whisper.
Ni-ki grinned. "So, are we finally on the same page?"
You nodded, smiling so wide your cheeks hurt. "I think we are."
As you sat back down, still holding his hand, you knew this was just the beginning of something new. No more wondering, no more holding back — just the two of you, rising up together.
── .✦ @woniefication @sugarikiz @slayyuna @amoressb @irasvr @miukidoll
#𝗟𝗶𝗹𝘆'𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 ⋆ ˚。⋆౨ৎ˚#꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱#₊˚⊹ ᰔ#enhypen#aesthetic#enha#en-#engene#enhypen imagine#kpop#kpop enhypen#enha ff#en#enhypen soft hours#enhypen soft thoughts#enhypen smau#enhypen x you#enhypen x reader#enhypen x yn#enhypen x female reader#kpop soft hours#kpop soft thoughts#kpop smau#niki x you#niki x fem reader#niki x yn#niki x reader#niki fluff#kpop fluff#romance
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baby!reader working a case???
ok let me lock in bc i don't think i can logically headcanon this and we all deserve to see it come to fruition.
it was a very special day for you. new car, new clothes (really, a mix of dean and sam's handmedowns from the depths of their packed bags, but they were new to you which made them special), and a new identity.
they were acting as fbi for this case, something ghostly and ghoul-like and a bridge that seemed to be the centric point of it. they had badges and everything, dean even let you play with his before he got (rightfully) anxious you'd manage to lose it and took it back.
you'd seen them in action before, but it was so much less involved than this. you'd be where the new car was; parked at the beginning of the bridge, doing absolutely nothing at all, staring at the police cars that got to see more action than you did.
not today, though! you were walking right up to the scene, past the stupid police cars and the men themselves in their cute little uniforms, looking all serious and grimace-y.
it was going swell, too, until you'd accidentally made eye contact with the most grimace-y one, and he seemed to think that the fact that you were grinning at a murder scene was a little off, because he holds out his arm to stop the three of you from approaching.
"hey, what the hell is this?" he asks, glancing firstly between the two men and then to you.
that didn't ever really bode well, when people treated you as an afterthought. dean opens his mouth, sam's already fishing for the lanyard beneath his shirt, but you speak instead. "we are investigating."
the man's lips purse in amusement. like you were joking, or amusing. there was nothing funny about this. this was your very first mission with the winchester gang; it was so incredibly important to you.
"we are investigating," the policeman says, straightening his spine as he does, like he feels the need to emphasize his status and talk down to a girl. "you guys are going to get behind the yellow tape." again, it doesn't bode well, but it was dean's turn to interrupt you.
dean holds his fbi badge out. today he was dean williams. could you read? no. but he'd schooled you on what role you were and what his said so you didn't accidentally do something stupid, like this, and throw their whole game out the window before it'd even started. "the higher-ups called us in."
sam holds his up, too, and now you feel a little left out, but this was a part of the game.
the policeman nods to you, his face still impassive and, in a way, amused. "who's this, then?"
dean and sam look at each other, and then back at the man. you are still smiling like this is the best day of your life. it actually was, too. you didn't have many sentient days to use as reference.
"intern."
he watches you for a long while, like he knows that you're seconds from cracking, and just when you're about to tell him about how fun and exciting this is, he shakes his head. "nuh uh. this isn't happening. we've got it handled, thanks."
dean's lips flatten, and sam's already stepping forward to have a personal one-on-one with the cop, like he alone could change his mind, but your eyes go to the left. the edge of the bridge, where police officers are gathered around, assumedly, where something happened.
"...don't know where their daughter is," one says, low enough that you could only hear because you were attached to dean's arm, and he was drifting in that direction for the very reason of overhearing, "hasn't answered a call or text, but phone pinged here a few hours ago."
the bridge was long, and distant from any sign of civilization. your head tilts to the side. dean complained when he had to walk for long periods of time, sam was decently tall so it didn't take him as much time, but he didn't seem to like it much, either. neither of them would have walked the length of this bridge to somehow vanish, no matter if they were chasing something.
and daughter. assumedly younger, if her parents realized so quickly that she'd not come home the night before. girls could be tall, young girls could be tall, but even then, it would not make sense for a girl at least somewhat young to walk the length of this bridge on her own, especially in the middle of the night, from however far the family lived.
your head raises in an epiphany. you don't know social cues. don't know how to tell when a conversation is private, and when it's open for comment, so you blurt out the words in your head. "she was driving."
dean's head snaps toward you, and the police officers all tense, including the one that sam had been sweet talking.
"what?" dean asks you, even as the officers start to walk toward you with blatant intent.
how were you supposed to know that presenting a theory as a complete and total stranger bystander would lead to suspicion? that's not something taught in two hour long drives by the winchester boys.
you shove past all of them, going to lean over the edge of the bridge. the river below was deep and winding, its depths emphasized in the darkness of the water, even from this height. impossible to see the car that you knew was down there.
"she was driving," you repeat, your hands running along the railing, feeling for grooves or cracks you knew had to be there. sure enough, there's a huge crack a couple of feet from you, one that isn't paralleled on the other side of the bridge. "very fast. it's a straight road and bridge, so maybe she felt safer to speed. or maybe she was scared, and something was chasing her, which could be why she went to the left and..."
you nod toward the river below again, past the cracked edge. "went over the edge."
the entire bridge is silent. even the birds have stopped cawing. finally, the police officer who'd looked at you like you were nothing but a little girl trespassing presses the comm on his chest, holding it to his mouth. "get a search and rescue on the ground."
dean huffs out a laugh, not in the same way that the officers had poked and prodded at you. you knew dean very well, and knew his tells more than you knew general ones. he was impressed.
"what's your name?" the first officer asks as the others begin to load up into the useless, idle cars, heading off of the bridge toward the murky riverbank.
you straighten this time, as tall as you can be, and as proud as you could, in worn and faded and too-big clothes. "baby."
a huff of amusement, more similar to dean's than the officer's rude teasing before. he pats sam's back, offer's dean a gruff nod, and then turns back toward you. "you boys are dismissed. you can stay."
#──★ dahlia's jrnl#to anon ⋆✴︎˚。⋆#baby!reader#dean winchester x baby!reader#dean winchester x you#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester#jensen ackles#jensen fucking ackles#supernatural#spn#dean winchester drabble#jensen ackles drabble#supernatural drabble#spn drabble#THIS ONE WAS SOOOO FUN TO WRITE PLS
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#adamandi#ambrose wellington bassford#infer as you will i suppose. wanted to draw a statue ambrose but accidentally painted it because smth smth blending fits him#again. main things taken from lyrics of the actual show ++ this definition i checked with google because i didn't remember it off the top#of my head. but Thoughts indeed#sfgdhhdf ok hello i am back today has been a Day (not very good) (oh well) (small mercies) ...#did not expect the melliot to find this so quickly but since i guess the Official Tumblr has reblogged it i'll just edit this one.#as opposed to reuploading. o//o#i painted it at 2am on impulse and have very little recollection of the whole event -? and then in a fit of pique added words and posted it#it is Very different from the original draft. i'd like to maybe do that one justice someday... anyways something something sometimes#a piece of art you make organically Evolves of its own volition... anyways.#maybe i'm projecting but recently (tuesday?) i found out something Important i had in the works Collapsed in the kiln#kaboom. ah the perils of ceramics. anyway thanks to the messed up 3d of everything i'm working on rn (the pros and cons of visual art subj#is that you get to make art for a grade) and. ceramics and sculpture and classics etcetera. <blinks> wow i really latched on to art aspects.#but nevertheless! ambrose brainrot real. iirc my thoughts were smth like. most strongly. that contrapposto? based on my school art history#was that it evolved from the very neutral rigid ancient greek sculptures of people which were all about Mathematical Symmetry. because#the main thing about contrapposto was that it reflected irl people more... more life-like? so it's very ironic to me#that Alive ambrose went and tried to turn himself into a statue. with part of the draw being contrapposto.. like?????#ah yes you like this sculpture because it's lifelike. and you'd rather be a sculpture than alive huh. the contrasts are !! in my head#also maybe i just.. wanted to paint... idk i had ambrose on the brain yesterday and it was something about sculptural messed up perfection#fun fact!!! the skin and hair i all greyed out to look like marble. fun fact number two: he has no eyes in this. like no pupils :3#fun fact number 3 (irrelevant) marble statues are only common wrt ancient greece bc the romans iirc came along and repurposed the bronzes.#because apparently bronze was a Hot Commodity at the time. and in return to preserve the art they made marble replicas. so most marble#ancient greek statues are apparently copies and the originals had totally different aesthetics#fun fact number 4: the background is a very greyed out image of my broken ceramics.. i wanted something nice to come out of it at least#fun fact number 5: i wanted to make him crack. like shattered ceramic or smth. that was the original idea. but instead it went to the pretty#sculpture route... kinda wanna make the messed up one though!!#fun fact number 6! because of Art Studio i'm covered in white paint and like it doesn't come off so it's been on my fingers and arms and#basically everywhere. so flesh turning into white stuff aes is fascinating i wanna explore... fun fact no.7.. i have accidentally maybe#began using screenshots as drawing practice. idk what to do with this info. if anything nice turns up ig i'll post it maybe
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line art finished……..
#artwip#i never know if lineart should be one word or 2 honestly#my instinct is one but the lil red line on my screen says two….#anyway. how are we doing today…#i’m ok i guess.#i’m a lil stressed#idk man it’s just like. everything all at once this week i guess.#idk. & i have a whole bunch of stuff i have to do for school & papers due & phone calls to make & registering for classes &#god. i just want to lay down lol#i did also go to the thrift store yesterday & found some movies#first time in MONTHS i’ve found any movies off my list. picked up donnie darko. dazed & confused. parent trap. & secret world of arrietty.#not a bad haul.#my current white whale is dinner in america. i doubt i will find it but. i have already found a lot of movies & series i thought impossible#so there is always a very small chance. ok. i’m gonna go watch the new dan da dan. bye.#rainyrambles
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The truly annoying thing about college is that I'm kind of expected to be a top performer because I actually buckle down and do the work. I don't even do it that well, I just do it, and so I get decent grades (not phenomenal, but good) and I'm considered a good student. There are other kids who are waaaaaaaay smarter than I am. When it comes to raw intelligence they have me beat all hollow--they instantly pick up on topics I have to grapple with for days or weeks of careful study. They will easily answer a question that takes me four or five minutes of puzzling over to solve. But they're flunking out because they refuse to study. They're failing classes because they won't submit work. I'm only considered a good student because I muddle through it and actually submit assignments. Imagine how much better they could be if they actually studied for their exams or didn't wait to work on their projects until the day they were supposed to be submitted.
#some of this is that i feel a little pressured#i know i'm only considered a good student because these other kids aren't trying...what do i do if they start making an effort?#and some of it is genuine sadness#i would kill to have the math skills some of these kids have#or the ability to smoothly improvise on topics they haven't studied#they're skating by because they do everything the day it's due instead of studying#they're all openly bragging about using chatgpt to do their homework and submitting late work#but imagine if they actually put some effort in#they could be riding scholarships to far better places than a community college in a dead end city in a dead end state#but if the current school statistics are anything worth judging#(and based on their current behavior)#half of them will flunk out#and its already started#(granted today i did do an entire assignment due today all with maybe 4 hours to spare...but in my defense our printer is broken)
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I really hope my history professor from undergrad is still alive. Idk if he remembers me, but I remember him. He said I was the only student in all his years of teaching to say "I want to learn Akkadian." But that's not quite accurate: what I said was, "hey, I've been working through this book (it was Caplice) over winter break every day and I'm on chapter 8 and I think I'm doing ok, but I have some questions. Can you help me out?" And he was very impressed, I think. He answered all my questions; told me I got all the translations as correct as you can get them. He called me Lugal Edward, Sumerian for "king." He gave me printouts of all of Hammurabi's laws. He lent me his sign list that had every historical version of every single cuneiform sign ever. It was in French, but that didn't matter; I knew exactly what to do with a sign list. That summer I would skateboard to the library with my books and spend a few hours translating Hammurabi's laws. I developed my own cuneiform shorthand that only I know bc I wasn't about to literally draw out every santakku every single time. I went on a field trip to Yale with a few people from the class and we used real cylinder seals. I got to use a stylus much nicer than the one I made at home from chopsticks to write with. He pointed out to me on their replica Hammurabi the signs I knew and I could read it. On my 24th birthday, (he didn't know it was my birthday until I admitted it late in the day) he took me to a lecture at Yale by Stephanie Dalley who authored my favorite collection of translations of Mesopotamian myths. I got to meet her and meet all the guys I'd read all the books by (it's not a huge field so you do get to know who's who pretty quickly.) And he bragged about me to all of them. It was the best birthday ever. After Hammurabi, I worked my way up to translating historical texts and some of my favorite myths on my own. In grad school I finally got my hands on Enuma Elish. I didn't have as much time as I would have wanted to sit and translate it, what with my actual coursework, but I did go over my favorite parts. It was the myth that made me want to learn the language in the first place. I hope to god that he's alive and that I can reach out to him still - because forget all of that, literally: I had a bad life before I went to that school and I've made nothing of myself since I left grad school. But he made me feel like I was really worth something, and I want more than anything to thank him for that
#people think the grades I used to get or the shit I do just happens by magic#but it doesn't. it's hours upon hours upon hours of hard work#and I didn't even stand out much in grad school to say truth. we were all overachievers at that point#I won't do it today because it's 4 am and I'm on no sleep#but if I can I will do it this weekend. I hope to god he remembers me#when I tutored history I did everything the way I thought he would have done it. I passed his lessons on to my own students
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#btw did an interesting exercise in acting class today which was meant to make us more aware of our main characteristics#which will be the ones that will inevitably come up in the characters we'll play#and potentially get us a job but anyway#we had to write down three things about each of us and anonymously give them to eachother#i was terrified#like ok i want to know in details what you think of me but my own image of myself is so evanescent that being perceived is scary af#the thing that came out the most is that I'm empathetic#which I honestly wish i were more. idk sometimes i feel like I'm faking it? not in a mean way just imagining what it would mean to be in#others' shoes and what would be the appropriate way to deal with that but not necessarily feeling it ik#which is basically fundamental for that job so mh. not completely true but ok#then that I'm brave??????? my siblings in christ I'm afraid of my own shadow#that I'm sure of myself?????#and then the one that hit me the most which said something like 'you make me want to be your friend' which is. ouch.#not for them but because i keep thinking and rethinking about that one classmate in high school that told me#'i don't want to be your friend because you're always sad'#and that hurt#and now this#i know I've changed#i met a high school teacher the other day and i realized how different i was since he knew me eight years ago#i know he was probably stunned by it#(also he told me i look prettier but I'm quite positive he was talking about me being anorexic in those days lmao)#tw#anyway point is. i wish 18 years old me would see me know#i think I'll do that exercise i did in class where i met my inner child but with my inner teenager#she was so alone and scared and everything was so unfair to her#i wish i could tell her hey one day a lot of people will love you even if you'll still feel alone sometimes but everyone will look at you#when they need a kind smile or a gentle hand and isn't that beautiful? to have such an impact to these people?#even because they're younger than me#and maybe they look at me and think it's gonna be ok when they're older#even if they feel a bit lost now
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I’ve never been so obsessed with a character so bad that I literally can’t do anything else I’m like the squidward meme watching SpongeBob frolic outside the window stretching a hand out to all the pretty paintings and animations and comics I see in my head but being unable to feel any motivation for it . If only i could use the energy spent to create 20 kon doodles to sit down and concentrate on a single finished full piece I used to be able to make like 5 page comics what happened to me
#sighs yes before anyone says anything IK it’s probably adhd related 😭#BUT ITS GOTTEN SO BAD I CAN FEEL THE DIFFERENCE IN MY BRAIN HOW DID IT GET WORSE#it’s probably a mix of burnout too but I don’t get tired of drawing ?#it feels like when u get dizzy or change glasses or so#and it’s either everything is wayyy too in focus and you can see literally everything clearly that it hurts ur brain#which doesn’t help given how saturated w information the world is always#and simultaneously somehow everything is blurry or out of focus and I physically have to strain myself to hone in on one thing#I JUST WANNA READ COMICS AND FINISH A DRAWING AND HANDLE WORK AND SCHOOL AND TALK TO MY FRIENDS#ALL IN OME DAY#BUT MY BRAIN IS LIKE. TODAY IS ONLY FOR COMICS. YOU CANT DO ANYTHING ESLE#😫🫶 I’m deleting this later I’m just ranting LMAO#I’m highschool it’s crazy bc I did okay and then honestly i just think my ability to concentrate has deteriorated as the years have gone by#free me!!!#either way I want to lessen my social media and just pick One bc girl I have an Instagram a tumblr and a twitter this is horrible for me .#honestly I’ll probably pick instagram and just post on tumblr when I have art#I already do that#I mean when I have Good art.#IM RAMBLING IDK
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#deity dialogue#had to explain that. I cannot breathe.#got told ‘why. you don’t smoke’ I DONT KNOW I WAS BORN LIKE TWO MONTHS EARLY AND GREW UP AROUND SECOND HAND SMOKE AND GENERALLY#I AM BUT TERRIBLY IM SORRY I HAVE THE CONSITUTION OF A SICKLY VICTORIAN ORPHAN#WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY DO I HAVE A HARD TIME BREATHING HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO AMSWER THAT#I’m sorry my breathing got increasingly worse in high school and that I haven’t been to the doctor since I was like 10.#I don’t know why I can’t breathe all I know is that I feel like I’m about to die and I want to cry#and that there is no relief and if there IS it is so short lived and I want to die I have been gasping for air all night it’s been#especially bad today and I’m so sick of it why does everything suck so bad why is everything bad#my house life is terrible my mental and emotional health is terrible my general health is terrible why did whatever made me make me so badly#why does everything have to suck I didn’t ask to be born at all much less into a body that sucks so fucking bad#I can’t
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