#this is dumb i'm sorry i just wanted to post something for their anniversary

[coupsiedaisee]

pulse | c.sc

pairing: choi seungcheol x f. reader

genre: smut, just smut alksjfdkgjhh

warnings: fingering, exhibitionism, kissing, drinking, like two mentions of weed lol sex?, i've never done warnings before ahh, fingering, voyeurism (sort of? not really?), kissing (is this a warning?), there's no p in v omg, so how do i tag this 😭, this is really short omg, i think fingering covers it, ohi! some drinking? neither of them are inibriated though. imo, would that make this dubcon? feel implicit to me. god sorry, im posting this when im drunk, v will wake up tmrw and tell me if this is dumb or not omg.

wordcount: 1.6k

a/n: happy friend anniversary to the second love of my life 🥺v!!!! @hannieween, i love u so much so here's the first smut thing i've fully finished writing and also the first time i've published smut omg. i love you and i love cheol and i really hope this makes u both horny and happy and would love nothing more than if u feel anger (horny anger) after reading this, yay!! target demographic met! to everyone else reading this, pease let me know what u think! even if u hated it omg 🥺i want to know both what u liked and didn't like so my writing can become better. uwu ily all <3 also, again, im drunk, so if there's any grammar mistakes, ima fix it tmrw alksjdhkflhgbksdfgkjd. okay byeeee, enjoy!!!!

"Baby, are you done yet? She just texted that they parked," Seungcheol shouts from the living room.

"Coming!" You yell back, swiping the last bit of lipstick on and giving yourself a once over in the mirror.

Seungcheol's standing by the front door, looking up from his phone when you walk in. He rakes his eyes over you, the clear skin of your neck, down your collar bones, to the cleavage disappearing into your shirt. The sliver of skin between your tight shirt and mini skirt. The bare skin of your plush thighs.

You fidget under his gaze, "Is there something wrong? Do I need to go change?"

"God, no baby. You look—" he swallows hard, running a hand through his blond hair, "—you look hot."

A fierce blush blooms across your cheeks and you tuck you hair behind your ear. "Oh. I—thanks?" You clear your throat, "Y-you do too babe."

And he did. A tight black polo stretched across his pecs, its short sleeves snug around his biceps. Light wash jeans barely holding his thick thighs in.

You want to drop down to your knees, right then and there.

Seungcheol reaches his hand out and you take it. He pulls you in for a kiss, letting his free hand roam down your body, pushing your skirt up to cup your ass, giving it a squeeze.

You pull away first, smacking him lightly on the chest, "Seungcheol!"

He's got no shame though, as he pulls you out the door, laughing.

The two of your were not going far tonight. Just two floors down, to the apartment of a Joshua Hong. Long time friend of Seungcheol's, Joshua was having some friends over to look at the new vaccum he bought.

"It's got even better suction than the last one and the battery life lasts forever," says Joshua, showing off the lime green vaccum in the middle of his living room. Seungcheol's standing next to him with their other friend, Jeonghan. His arms are crossed in front of his chest, and his eyebrows furrowed as Joshua talks. Momo, Josh's next door neighbor, is crouched by the vaccum, eyeing its different attachments.

"How is it with pet hair?" She asks, and you feel that this is your cue to go grab another drink.

In the kitchen, Jeonghan's girlfriend is mixing some sort of concoction in a big punch bowl. She whips around at the sound of your footsteps, "There you are! Where have you been? I texted Seungcheol when we parked."

You send her a sheepish smile, "Got caught up on the new technology."

She rolls her eyes, "You lot are so boring."

"Trust me, you'll be the same once you're in the work force like us boring adults." You go to grab a cider from the fridge.

She scoffs waving her ladle in your direction, "Oi, pipe down Grandma. We're nearly the same age! You'll be sorry when I'm a professor. Don't make me give you detention."

You laugh, "Alright, alright. Don't fail me professor, clearly I was wrong. " You duck just as she swings the ladle at your head.

It doesn't take long until nearly everyone at the apartment is either drunk or baked. You don't know what she put in that bowl, but after seeing Momo passed out on the pool table, you were glad you stuck to your ciders.

You head back into the living room after cleaning up a spill in the hallway (whoever gave Jeonghan jaegerbombs, why?). Dino and Mingyu, Seungcheol's friends from school, are sprawled on the ground in front of the TV, Mario Kart forgotten, passing a lit joint between each other.

Seungcheol's sat back on the sofa, manspreading, and showing off his deliciously thick thighs, taking periodic sips of a Corona. He spots you across the room and you send him a shy smile.

Seungcheol motions at something with his eyes and you tilt your head at him, confused. He snaps his chin in a quick motion but you still don't understand and he lets out an exasperated breath. Settling further into the sofa, he pats his thigh. Your eyebrows shoot up, looking around the room, but no one's paying you all any attention.

Slowly you make you way to him and, once at his feet, he swiftly gets rid of the cider in your hand, pulling you into his lap with a low, "Come here, baby girl."

Your body heats up as his hands sit on your hips, fingertips grazing the sliver of skin between your shirt and skirt. Your skirt.

When you chose your outfit for today, you had felt good, confident even. You made a choice, to wear a new lingerie set you'd bought the other day. The thought was that, maybe, you and and your boyfriend would get up to some fun when you got back home.

But now, you'd never regretted something more. As Seungcheol adjusts you over his thighs, slotting one in between your legs, the fabric of his jeans rub against your delicate lace panties.

Your pussy pulsates and you've never been more embarassed. You will it to stop, but Seungcheol chooses that moment to dig his fingers into your hips, tensing his thigh, and your pussy throbs.

Little campfires breakout across your cheeks and you find yourself sinking back into Seungcheol's chest in shame. His breath fans across your ear, "Baby, why didn't you tell me you missed me." You can hear the smirk he's probably wearing, but even worse, you're sure he can feel the dampness pooling between your legs.

You should get up. But you know you can't. You know your wetness has seeped onto his jeans, leaving a dark spot, evidence of your need. Everyone would know.

His hands feel like they're burning into your hips, and he leans to press a sweet kiss to your exposed shoulder, sending a shiver down your spine.

You feel Seungcheol move, and then a blanket is draped over your lap, covering your entire bottom half from any onlookers. Though one look across the room told you not a single person was paying you two any mind.

Seungcheol rubs his hand back and forth over your tummy, the touch feeling like hot coals dragging across your skin. Back. Forth. Back. Forth

Then, his fingers slip past the waistband of your skirt.

You don't say anything as you feel his fingers skate across your clothed mound. When he finds your lips, he pushes down with two fingers. You suck in a breath and hold, mind going completely blank.

You should push his hand away. Scold him with a serious, Seungcheol!

But you don't.

Arousal flows out of you, staining his jeans. Evidence of your want, no, your need for your boyfriend.

Seungcheol, the devil he is, starts rubbing the slowest, most languid, circles, smirking into your neck when you start squirming in his lap.

"If you don't like it, you can just get up and leave baby," he whispers, nipping at your ear lobe.

You subtly shake your head no, worried that if you open your mouth, the most obscene sound would come out.

Seungcheol uses his other hand to pull at your thigh, spreading your legs further apart. He pushes your barely there panty aside and plunges a finger in. Your breath hitches at the sensation and your eyes flit around the room, but no one is paying you two any attention.

Seungcheol starts to pump his finger at a torturous pace and you try to keep your breathing even. He ghosts his lips up your neck, whispering, "Can you handle one more baby?" You shake your head with a quick no, biting down on your bottom lip.

Seungcheol's finger freezes and a low whine escapes your lips.

You move your hips just a little bit, chasing what little friction you could find, but Seungcheol tightens the hold on your thigh. "Seungcheol," You mean it to come out stern, but your voice is breathy and light.

"One more baby," Seungcheol nudges your neck with his nose and lets his teeth graze your skin. A shudder rolls through you as your pussy clenches around his single, slender finger.

You already know you've lost. You need Seungcheol to make you feel as full as possible. You nod shyly.

"Hmm?" Seungcheol says quietly, "I need to hear you baby." You can hear the smirk in his voice.

"Yes," You breathe out, looking around again to see not a single person paying attention. Seungcheol pushes his second finger in and you bite your lip again to stop the moan that nearly comes out.

Your breathing gets heavier as he curls his fingers just how you like it and your thighs start to tremble as you near your peak. "Are you close baby?" You nod as your fingers grab at the blanket in your lap. He continues to curl his fingers, a little faster now.

Your breathing turns into little whimpers that you try to keep down, but to no avail.

Seungcheol whispers one last, sweet, "Let go for me love," and you're cumming, releasing all over his fingers as he lets you ride them through your high before pulling out.

You hear the pop! of him sucking the taste of you off his fingers and you feel your juices leaking out, soaking into his jeans. You lean your head back onto him, eyes squeezed shut, out of embarrassment or pleasure you don't know.

"Good girl," Seungcheol whispers, rubbing a warm hand over your tummy, and leaving a soft kiss on your cheek. "You did so well for me, baby."

a/n: omg okay. this whole this was started because my lovely lovely v asked me do you think he'd be the type to sit you down on his lap to feel your pulse through your pussy? so this is really ur fault love sldjfsldfgldkzfgjdzfgkjdzfklhgb. let me know ur thoughts lovies!!!!!!!!!

© ALL RIGHTS RESERVED TO CTRLALTDAISEE I DO NOT ALLOW TRANSLATIONS, CONTINUATIONS, REIMAGINATIONS, OR REPOSTING OF MY WORKS ON THIS OR ON OTHER WEBSITES

[lovelovelovelovelove987654321]

One Year

A/N: Hey guys!!! Sorry its been ages and ages and ages since my last fic. Genuinely so sorry. Idk how I feel about this one and the next one I'm posting, so let me know what you think. I live off of comments, reblogs and likes btw!!! Also this is NOT BETAD. SORRY!!

TW: mention of sex, mention of pregnancy, mention of miscarriage

Simon stands next to you, hands shoved deep in his pockets. For a long while, neither of you says anything. After a few minutes, days, months, years, he breaks the silence with a mumbled "Remember when we got our first house?"

When you dont respond, he continues.

"You were so happy. I was so happy. We were young and in love and everything was good." He says 'we were in love' as if he ever fell out of love with you.

A deeply sad and bitter chuckle sounds from him.

"It was just a shitty flat. Not even safe to live in, probably. But it was ours." It was really yours, if he was being honest. Everything in his life was yours. But once he'd puttered about the place, tightening screws and greasing hinges, it felt like it could be a little bit his. Just a little.

He pauses, swallows, squeezes his eyes shut.

"I fucked you in every room of that house." His voice is hoarse, pained.

"We called it fucking because we wanted to be, I dunno, mature. Cool. But it was making love. Everything we did together was making love." His voice gets quieter and quieter before finally cracking.

"You got pregnant. It was the singular best moment of my life when you told me." He makes a choked sound, "A kid would have been lucky to have you as a mom. We would have been lucky to have a id. But luck was never on our side for long, was it?"

He shakes his head sharply, moves on.

"Remember when we bought our house? When we got married? When we went to the ocean for our honeymoon? I do. I remember every blissfully happy moment." He chuckles again, but this time its actually a slightly happy sound.

"Every time I looked at you I was struck dumb by how beautiful you were. How lucky I was to have you."

He snorts. "I say 'was' as if you ever got less beautiful."

"You always used to asked me if I was okay, if I was having flashbacks. But most of the time I was just stunned by how perfect you were."

He takes a deep breath, opens his eyes.

"Remember all our anniversaries? The flowers and the smiles and the photo albums and the extra kisses?"

He waits for a second, as if he expects you to say something. When you dont, he continues.

"I loved our anniversaries, but really they were just like any other day. We always loved each other. We would always go do things together."

His voice drops again like he's admitting something shameful.

"I dont know what to do with my days anymore."

He confesses. "I'm re-enlisting, I think. If they'll take me. Maybe as a training officer. Although I always did hate the rookies..."

He pauses, almost smiles.

"I remember whenever I came home complaining about them, you'd just give me a kiss on the forehead and say they 'just wanted to be me'." "I always told you that that was stupid, because why would anyone want to be me? I'm nothing."

"And you would always say 'you're mine' and then I had to agree: all the rookies probably did want to be me. Anyone would." The silence creeps back in, thick and suffocating. "I have too many things at home now."

He whispers. "Too many florals. I dont know what to do with 'em."

His voice is barely audible. "I miss you. I love you." He gently caresses your headstone and lets a few tears fall. Its been a year since you died, but he still visits you daily. After all, the both of you had promised to talk every day, even if you were mad at each other. Who was he to break that?

[mioyeo]

Watch your back : chapter 2

Once you don’t value what you have someone else learns how to take care of what used to be yours

Synopsis : 8 men supposed to give her all the love they promised end up leaving her behind without a valid reason

Pairing : girlfriend Reader x PolyAteez !

Warnings : this chapter contains mentions of, mean Seonghwa, broken arm , poor behavior, a lot of crying , being stood up, yelling , mad Mingi , broken promises , San showing no remorse, making out special gifs being ripped , etc Please reminding me if I forgot something

This series is going to be posted together with the Psychiatric series, which means one chapter after another

Tag list : @legbouk , @scarfac3 , @m4rsluv , @hcyaa , @jackinmyarea , @layzfeelit , @loverlele , @wisejudgedragonhairdo , @mulletjoonsupremacy , @veneziamadness

Word count: 2,1k

She tiredly stood up from the couch and went upstairs into her own room but someone was already in there

" Why are you in my room going through my sneakers for ? "

The girl rubbed her eyes to get a clearer view

" I wanted to borrow one pair but you where sleeping and I didn't want to disturb you "

" Well I'm awake now so you can put them down , you have your own shoes besides my shoes probably don’t fit you "

" No , they fit me perfectly, I'll just take these here and return them after tomorrow "

She just took Y/n's green Adidas and started walking out but was held back

" Wooyoung bought me these shoes for valentines I don't want you using them "

" Don't be selfish they are just a pair of shoes "

" They are not just some pair of shoes, my boyfriend gave them to me on valentine's a day where a partner dedicates their love to their significant other either way "

She said smiling trying to get her shoes back but Rin would just not let go off them

" Just let go off the shoes, I will return them to you after tomorrow ! "

" But I told you these were a gift ! "

Both pulled on the pair of shoes

" Please let go their gonna rip apart! "

Y/n screamed as Rin tugged harder, the next thing that was heard was a loud thud,  Y/n falling back with a huge force hitting her arm hard on the ground making her instantly cry out in pain

" Yo-ou should've just let me borrow! "

Rin got up rubbing her shoulder that seemed sore after falling  backwards

" Y-You ripped my shoes "

She looked at the four parts that have been ripped apart from her shoes that laid in front of her , the sight made her choke on her tears

" What is wrong here , Rin what happened? "

San came in and hurried towards the other girl that held her shoulder

" I asked her if I could borrow her shoes and than she attacked me "

She sobbed making Y/n widen her eyes

" That's not true ! , I told her that I got- "

San yanked her up as she yelped because of her arm that throbbed in pain

" What is your problem ?! You can't just attack someone for some dumb pair off shoes ! "

Dumb pair of shoes ?

" San your hurting my arm please let go "

She cried screaming in pain as he was gripping the sore arm hard

" Not until you apologize ! "

Apologize ? She should apologize to me

" I-I'm sorry for hurting you Rin , please San your hurting me so bad let go ! "

She screamed once again and looked him in the eyes with her red ones hiccuping

" Now she's going to borrow one of your shoes don't be a selfish brat "

Rin smiled and took a box that had the red Nike ones inside, another pair of shoes that had been gifted to her on a date by Mingi

" N-No not these ones please "

The girl sobbed as Rin went out the room with San who didn't even spare his girlfriend a glance

Y/n cried and screamed from the pain as she laid on the floor

" Why are you crying for ? It's just some shoes "

Yunho said as he fixed his uniform

" No they are not just some shoes Yunho ! , Wooyoung gave them to me now she ripped them apart and I never got to wear them now San forced me to apologize to her and give her the shoes Mingi gifted me last month on our anniversary, I value my gifts Yunho and you know that I don't play about these "

He sighed gently grabbing her arm to look at the big blue bruise that started to form on her elbow and arm as she cried

" This looks bad , you should probably go to the hospital and get this checked "

The elder kissed her bruise and her lips feeling sorry , he knew how much she appreciated the things they gifted her on special occasions

" Please don't cry , I'll buy you a new pair ok ? Just let her wear these for today since she has to buy new ones and the others are worn out "

He held her softly wiping away her tears

" I'm just mad that San didn't even listen to me and just assumed that I was the one at fault plus he grabbed my arm so hard that I think it's more bruised than when I fell "

She said burying her face into his chest as he kissed her forehead

" Ok lets get you dressed and I'll take you to the hospital to get you checked up

" But you have a meeting with your coach "

" Don't worry he will understand besides I'll get a call from him your my priority right now "

He smiled at the thought of her remembering his schedules , it made him feel important

" I always come to watch you I would never miss any of your basketball games "

" Your sweet , anyways get dressed I'll go change into other clothes see you in a minute "

" I'll just go in my pajamas , it's going to hurt moving around to change "

She held him with her other arm as he insisted on helping her change , he carefully took off her shirt and smiled seeing his name tattooed on her chest in a little calligraphy along with the others

" Why are you starring at me ? "

He grabbed her face and locked their lips as they moved together in sink

They made out forgetting their surroundings or that anyone could possibly enter

" Yunho th-he door is open someone can just come inside and see us "

" I'll close it for privacy reasons but your actually our girlfriend so I don't really need to "

He locked the door and returned to the girl who eyed him loosen his neck tie and take off his uniform

" I haven't really been with you lately "

He sighed grabbing her carefully towards him for a kiss

Both lost at each other's touch , a feeling they have been missing to feel

Maybe a little action is not meant to get someone's hope up

__

Y/n grabbed her keys carefully and unlocked the door, Yunho had just left her at the hospital after saying he'd be back but never did

She had waited hours until she had enough and decided to home go by herself after receiving her cast for the broken arm , but it was raining and a friendly tall guy offered to take her home since he moved to the area

At the point she didn't care about being suspicious or stranger danger , the girl just wanted to go home and rest after the bad day

Are you waiting for someone?

Y-Yes my boyfriend should arrive in some minutes thank you

She knew he wasn't going to come for her anyways

Are you sure ? your standing under the rain you'll get sick

Actually he's not going to come I think

See hop in I'll take you home

Thank you

She at least felt like someone cared enough to stop their car and offer her a ride

Taking off her shoes with one hand she closed the door afterwards and made her way towards the kitchen to drink something but was stopped by Seonghwa who looked at her with a angry expression plastered on his face

" Why would you do that Y/n ? "

She looked at him confused

" Don't play dumb now , you dislocated her shoulder because of some dumb shoes "

" Is  that what she said I did to her ? "

" San saw what you did to her quit the acting you know I hate when people lie to me "

" Yeah San suddenly has super powers and can see through walls "

She scoffed softly patting his cheek and went past him to her room

There's no use in explaining you wouldn't believe me like the rest

" What was today's action about ? "

Mingi came inside and closed the door looking at her with his soft expression

" You wouldn't believe me like the rest "

" If you at least explained I'd try to understand what happened "

He helped her after placing a soft kiss on her cast and temple

" The shoes W-Wooyoung gifted me "

" The green ones for valentines? "

She nodded with tears filling her eyes

" She came into my room and started going through my stuff and I asked her what she was doing and she told me she wanted to borrow one of my shoes but since I was asleep in the living room she couldn't ask me "

" Therefore I told her to put them back since I was awake and didn't want her using the gift my boyfriend gave me on a special occasion especially because I never put them on , but she didn't listen and started leaving so I grabbed her and the shoes saying no once again , but she continued tugging them back even after I begged her to let go because they where going to rip apart any second "

She paused as he had a frown on his face wiping her tears

" The shoes ripped and we both fell , making me break my arm and her hurting herself "

" And why was San angry ? "

" Because she said I attacked her so he gripped my arm hard injuring it more and told her to pick out a shoe she wanted and these being the ones you gave me on our anniversary "

He kissed her head softly

" I'm sorry to hear that , maybe she felt a bit unfairly treated because we literally bought a collection for you while we didn't for her "

" I told her not to use them but she caused a scene about something that doesn't even belong to her in the first place "

" It's ok let's go downstairs to tell the others it was a misunderstanding "

He grabbed her waist going to the living room as she sniffed behind him

" Rin , I think you should apologize "

" She hurt me , why would I apologize ? "

" Because you just went into her room without permission and took the shoes Wooyoung gave her on valentines and ripped them "

" I told her I wanted to borrow them but she didn't want to listen to me and I was in need to get a new pair , and the other ones are old and don't match the jacket you gave me ”

" But when someone says no you should listen you broke her arm over her stuff "

Hongjoong looked at his other girlfriend that had a big cast over her arm his face showing a frown

" It doesn't matter Rin is sorry , forget the shoes you  can always replace them "

Yeosang said hugging Rin who cried

" I can not just replace something Wooyoung gave me, it wouldn't feel the same "

Y/n  looked at him with tears

" Wipe those tears it won't get you sympathy over some  shoes "

There they where again on her side

" Yeosang it's not about sympathy, Rin can't just take someone's stuff and rip them "

He looked at Mingi in disbelief

" But they are both girls why can't they share?"

" She doesn't have to share the special gifts , we bought it for her and  not for someone else to use it let alone rip them "

Everyone looked at Mingi he was mad and everyone knew not to test him when he was

" Wait which shoes are we talking about ? "

Wooyoung's face turned towards Y/n as he was in disbelief

" The green adidas you gave her "

"Seriously? her favorite ? not only did i wait to buy them but they were expensive "

The elder stood up and cupped her face

" Don't worry I'll try to get you new ones "

" N-No Wooyoung I don't want you to get me another expensive pair I'm just asking  for understatement that's all I want "

" Rin please apologize to her "

Jongho sighed and looked at both girls

" I-I won't apologize, it's your guys fault! "

Everyone looked at the girl that teared up and started making a scene

" Why do you guys buy her so many things! "

Y/n looked down feeling sad for her , even if she ripped her favorite shoe she didn't want her to feel unfairly treated

" Rin these shoes or clothes aren't really new , Y/n just knows how to keep her things clean tidy fresh and new "

Seonghwa held the younger girl

" Her stuff are literally two years old , and the only new things were these two shoes and some dresses we bought her on our anniversaries "

" I-I also want to have a dress collection "

" Than I'll make you one don't worry "

Y/n had enough as they all started to pamper her because she simply wanted clothes and other materialistic things

She left them and went inside her room closing the door and locking it not wanting any of them to be with her at the moment so she could calm down her nerves, Rin always found a way to get what she wanted so she could get out of trouble

Maybe I'm overreacting maybe they are just some simple pair of shoes

[1975wasmyyear]

✦ Blank Space 、Kirk Hammett .

Warnings ⋮ Angst, crazy y/n, cheating, fighting, untrustworthy kirk, insecurities, they're both 22 here.

A/N ⋮ WHAT THE FUCK I'M ACTUALLY POSTING WHAT THE FUCK. sorry if this sucks and very short, I tried.

Y/n's sentimental life was going for the worst and everyone around her could see it: Kirk's fame was getting into his personal life, leaving her behind and always looking at other women, it was making Yn go insane from anger. Usually if something was wrong they would always talk about it and find a way to fix it, a way to resolve anything and apologize to each other for even letting it happen but this time nothing could be fixed; Kirk wasn't even paying attention to her during her anniversary date, and she wasn't having it at all.

She, somehow, always managed to get with the most terrible guys ever and get hurt, but she never expected Kirk to turn that way too. Her childhood friend who always promised to not become like her ex-lovers actually did, she felt disappointed. Disappointed in herself for not being enough, for not being too pretty or skinny for him, and disappointed in him for not keeping his promise. Her fingers playing with her gorgeous hair and lost in thought, thought of what she should do, confronting him right there or wait for the evening where they would be alone and not in a park in front of strangers who would call her insane. Her eyes gazing at the sky while her head rested on tablecloth they chose together for the picnic, a sigh came out of her cherry red lips, the lips Kirk used to love for three good years of dating her. She didn't know what to do what to do, but she had enough of Kirk not caring about her at all.

” So you're just gonna keep texting other women on our anniversary date? Seriously?! ” her words were sharp, she wanted Kirk's attention, she wanted him to remind her how much she loved her and wasn't seeing other women...But it wasn't going to happen. Her anger towards him could be felt in the air and slowly got to Kirk too, who just rolled his eyes in an annoyed manner.

” What other women? What the hell are you talking about? ” was his answer, he didn't even want to argue with her. She could feel how tired he was of her being so clingy to her, of her not trusting him, of her being crazy and paranoid. His words got her feeling an unfamiliar feeling inside... Almost like a knife deep in the stomach, a feeling of anger united to sadness, she would have never expected him to play dumb.

” Don't you dare to play dumb! You know exactly what I'm talking about. ” people turned to look at them, to enjoy their little scene, and Kirk couldn't help but feel humiliated. Humiliated for being with someone as crazy as her who didn't even care about shouting in front of a whole park of strangers. ” You think I don't see the way you look at other women during your stupid shows and the way you smile at your phone?! ”

” You're overreacting, calm down. ” her fingers instinctively wrapped around his phone, taking it away from him and throwing it on the ground. The cracking sound filled her ears as the tears started to run down her pale cheeks, the mascara slowly melting.

” You're a lying traitor, Kirk! That's all you'll ever be in your life! ” it was such an amusing scene to see that people started recording it, recording how her hair would cover her eyes everytime she shouted at him, recording how he felt embarrassed by her doing a scene in front of everyone and how annoyed he was. ” You promised you wouldn't turn like my other ex-lovers but you were just lying, now tell me who is she?! Who is the woman you're cheating on me with?! ”

” Y/n, are you done? You're just embarrassing yourself by showing how crazy you are! ”

” Me...? Me crazy? I'M CRAZY?! Just wait until I find out who you're cheating on me with, Kirk Hammett, just then I'll give you a reason to call me crazy! ” she had enough of him pretending he didn't do anything, so he left her no choice but to leave him there. Her heels were making the loudest noises at the park while running her, if he wanted to say she was crazy, she was going to give him a real reason to call her like that.

This was just the start of everything.

A/N ⋮ what in the motherfuckin hell is this shit...🤓

[tothelasthoursofmylife]

8th Anniversary!

And it's still going on! I'm still writing it!!! With every passing year, I am rather glad (and surprised by myself) that I am still writing it and that I still love to write Watchdog of the Queen. At the same time, I cannot help but think/compare how much time has passed vs how much progress I've made with this story so far orz but I keep going, even if slowly, so that's something at least! And thank you so much for (still) reading this fanfic, even if updates are slow. Sorry for that!

No new update today. However, when I started writing WotQ, I was a teen with time/energy and far too many (often dumb) ideas. For many, I wrote the first chapter or the first few chapters and then shelved them, never to see the light of day - until today! If anyone's interested in some old, terrible Cloudia/Undertaker fic starters, they're under the cut. (They are posted as I left them.)

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The Princess

I am a fan of The Selection series by Kiera Cass. I reread The Heir and The Crown earlier this year and I loved them more than when I initially read them. Obviously, I had to think of a spoof of it. Cloudia having her own Selection, with Cedric (and Milton and Kamden (rip) and some others; this was an AU of WotQ, not just another Cloudia/Undertaker fanfic...) amongst the candidates. The notes file was last edited in 2016; the first chapter below in 2017. Very obviously based on The Heir. Just worse. (Why tf didn't I even change the kingdom's name??? I even made a cover edit, rip)

The kingdom of Illéa had been reigned by born kings for a long time now. No matter if there was a girl born before a boy, the boy would become crown prince upon his birth and thus obtain the privilege to someday become king.

However, sometimes times changed.

The current king, King Simon, was an only child who had married a woman who had given birth to an only child too ‒ me, Princess Cloudia. And despite their efforts, I had always stayed an only child. Therefore, I couldn’t be overruled by a younger brother, and thus it was me who was to be the ruler someday.

Me, Princess Cloudia, the first queen to hold the title on her own.

The fact that after all these years a girl would ascend the throne wasn’t very pleasant for the Royal advisers. After all, such a case had never happened before. But knowing that they couldn’t change this fact even though they badly wanted to, they did their best to convince my father, the King, that I needed intense training ‒ an even more intense training than the one he had received as a young prince. Wanting to support my talents and making it able for me to be the best I would ever be, Father had agreed. And from that day on, I was tormented by the adviser’s ridiculous lessons and teachings.

Fearing that I could fail to be queen, they let me undergo a dreadful training. However, they had never imagined that I would learn so fast and surpass my teachers in a very short time.

I was Princess Cloudia Phantomhive, the genius, the prodigy. No one was as powerful as I was.

***

I was peacefully reading in the small forest in the Palace’s garden when Lisa Greene, my maid, approached me, and for some reason I had the fear that something incredibly bad would happen today.

“Princess Cloudia,” Lisa said after she had curtsied in front of me. “Your parents, the King and the Queen, want to speak to you in private.”

***

When I entered my father’s office, I knew that something was entirely wrong. Still, I sat down at the table and remained calm.

“Cloudia, how are you? We haven’t seen you since breakfast,” King Simon asked. Unlike his daughter and wife, Simon stood beside the window.

“I am fine. Also because you would have never summoned me here just to ask me how I was doing, I guess this is just something for you to avoid the topic you actually want to speak of.” Cloudia leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Don’t beat around the bush, Father, and tell me straightaway why I’m here.”

Simon sighed. “It is your fault, Penny, that she is such a bold girl,” he mumbled to his wife.

“Well, you could have chosen one of the other thirty-four Selected girls, Simon,” Queen Penelope replied with a soft smile on her lips.

Simon walked away from the window and positioned himself behind his wife’s chair, grabbing the backrest. “Thanks, Penny. These were exactly the right words.”

Cloudia frowned. “What are you talking about, Father?”

The King swallowed. He looked uneasy. “Well, Cloudie... as you know, the situation between us and the British Empire has sharpened lately. We are still trying to negotiate with them as best as we can, but if we do not manage to defuse the situation...” He swallowed again. “Our country’s people are feeling uneasy, suspecting that something is wrong. But we cannot allow them to know about our current situation ‒ it would just cause a huge panic all over the country. However, with our people feeling uneasy and suspicious, we cannot properly negotiate with the British Empire, and thus we cannot defuse the situation.”

“I know about our relation with the British Empire,” Cloudia said. “And I know about our people being uneasy, but why did you summoned me here? Just to tell me something I have already known?”

Penelope and Simon exchanged a look.

“Well, Cloudia...” Simon started again, his voice a little bit shaky. “You know how your mother and I met, and you know that holding a Selection for the future sovereign to find their consort is a tradition in this country...”

Cloudia’s eyes widened in the moment she understood why she was here.

No.

“No,” she said aloud. “No, no, no! I am not going to have a Selection! And definitely not because we have to distract our people somehow so that we can calmly negotiate with the British Empire!”

“Cloudie, dear, just listen...”

“No!” Cloudia raised up from her chair. “You cannot do that to me!”

“Sooner or later you would have to hold a Selection anyway,” Penelope stated. “Just because you are going to be the first Royal-born queen of this country does not mean that you can skip this country’s traditions.”

Cloudia clenched her fists. “I know that, Mother. But I am not ready to marry now. I am just sixteen. I cannot do that now.”

“But you do not have to marry straightaway after the end of the Selection, Cloudia. We would wait until you’re older.”

“But I also don’t want to settle on some stranger now! And what if... what if I just don’t find anyone suitable among these boys? Do I have to bound myself to someone I despise to all eternity?”

“There will be thirty-five boys, Cloudia. The Selection has worked so many times now ‒ why shouldn’t it work on you?”

Cloudia crossed her arms in front of her chest again. “Just because you two are basically a fairy tale doesn’t mean that I will find myself in one too.”

“And what about the kings and queens before us? They all fell in love during a Selection.”

“And what if they actually didn’t? What if they had to marry someone just because they were obliged to pick anyone at the end of the Selection, even though they didn’t like any of them? What if all we know about the previous Selections is a lie?”

“Now you are being ridiculous,” Penelope pointed out.

“I am not being ridiculous. I am being rational.”

The Queen leaned forward, narrowing her eyes. “Cloudia. We had planned to hold your Selection after you turned eighteen, but think about our situation... If we don’t distract our people and they find out about our unfortunate situation, we wouldn’t have to deal with problems outside of our borders, but also inside them. It wouldn’t benefit our negotiations.” Her gaze softened. “Please, Cloudie, we wouldn’t hold your Selection so early if we had the option to avoid it. During a Selection, the mood of our country’s people was always at its best ‒ like when you were born or your father and I were married. And we need something now which can lift their mood, Cloudie. There just isn’t something more effective than a Selection.”

Cloudia sighed.

Being a princess, especially one who was also the heir, was sometimes quite annoying.

“Very well... but I will only do it under two conditions: One, I want the Selected to be able to leave on their own accord. Two, if I simply cannot find anyone suitable during my Selection, I want to have the freedom to end it without me becoming engaged to someone.”

Penelope chuckled. “No, we cannot allow your second condition. You would eliminate all of the boys on the very first day if we did.”

“And what if I promise to let the Selection run for at least three to four months?”

Penelope exchanged a look with Simon who had started to look awfully uneasy and had not said anything for a while now. “Very well,” he silently said in the end. “We will do it like you have suggested it. We will announce your Selection during the next Report.”

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The Amazing Grim Reaper

... A uhm, recap series for between the arcs, with fourth-wall-breaking commentary from Cedric and Cloudia. I wrote three chapters for that and started the fourth and fifth. I thought of "alternate chapter titles" and even made edits of the chapter covers. The recaps were meant to be drawn, I think, and that's what (thankfully!!) doomed them. They were all last edited in 2016, and below is the first chapter. Yikes.

Cloudia: I did not seduce anyone!

Cedric: *laughs* Of course you did, Countess! Shall I remind you what you said to our all-time favourite Lord Parrish? *imitating Cloudia´s voice* “You´re not that bad yourself, Lord. Your footwork is exquisite.”

Cloudia: *scowls at him* I guess that you need better glasses as you have obviously over-read this: “I wasn´t lying ‒ I found his footwork was as exquisite as the appetizers given out at this party.”

Cedric: I don´t understand how this should help you. After all, this sentence only strengthens the fact that you fell head over heels in love with Parrish and tried to seduce him. You are comparing him to food after all! Exquisite food!

Cloudia: I was not done! “I wasn´t lying ‒ I found his footwork was as exquisite as the appetizers given out at this party. Fairly, the man who dared to call himself a cook and prepared these abnormalities should be hanged immediately. I had to speak with the host, Baron Charles Worthington, about this when everything was over.” That´s the whole passage! I compared Parrish´s footwork to terrible food! How can that be evidence that I was in love with him?

Cedric: You´re a strange person, Countess. Perhaps this was the nicest comparison someone like you could think of. Also, Parrish could be a masochist or something in that direction and thus actually like being compared to terrible food.

Cloudia: Why am I even talking to you?

Cedric: *ignores her* Besides, I have more evidence that you were seducing him, Countess! Listen: “However, I have to admit that I haven´t danced for quite a while now, and I´m totally exhausted and heated up due to this instance. May you accompany me outside to get some fresh air?” Am I right in my assumption that you have said these exact words in January 1847, Countess Cloudia Phantomhive?

Cloudia: What exactly is so seducing about these words?

Cedric: Answer my question, defendant!

Cloudia: First, I am not a defendant. Second, now answer mine or you will never get any of Armstrong´s sweets again.

Cedric: That´s just cruel. Also, it´s seducing because you were saying that that you were “heated up” and wanted to go outside with Parrish. Alone.

Cloudia: Have passage like “We walked down the street, and I listened to his boring chatter. He was speaking of his company all the time. But I had to play my role, so I stayed polite, smiled and laughed at the right times, even though I was scowling inside.” or “She met his eyes, while her face showed clear disgust.” become totally irrelevant now?

Cedric: Yes.

Cloudia: ... You´re not supposed to answer it.

Cedric: But I did because “yes” is the one and only correct answer to this question. Besides, you´re forgetting this: “Lord Ronan Parrish was the reason why I had come to this boring, dull party all the way from my comfortable, quiet and orderly mansion in the countryside.” I guess this case is closed now.

Cloudia: ... Parrish was the reason why I went there because I was ordered by the Queen to exterminate him!

Cedric: You mean she ordered you “to find and marry him”? You know how much of a shipper the Queen is. After all, she sent us both to Wales once. Also, I said that this case is closed, Countess. I, Judge Cedric Kristopher Rossdale, name defendant Countess Cloudia Phantomhive to be-

Cloudia: Objection! I stabbed Parrish! I murdered him! If I had been in love with him, why would I have stabbed him?

Cedric: Because you were so disgusted with the thought that someone was able to touch the softest part of your little dark heart that you killed him.

Cloudia: I can see why the other Reapers don´t like you.

Cedric: Once again: I, Judge Cedric Kristopher Rossdale, name defendant Countess Cloudia Phantomhive to be... guilty!

Cloudia: *sigh* Also, I don´t think that you can call Ronan Parrish a “poor man.” He maltreated children and let them die in his factories like they´re nothing.

Cedric: I know but what if even though he hated children, he loved animals and was one of the main donators for a little zoo which has to close now?

Cloudia: I don´t even know if you´re serious or not.

Cedric: He could have been a very nice person apart from this thing. But we will never know because you have erased him from earth!

Cloudia: *rolls her eyes* You´re being ridiculous, Undertaker.

Cedric: I am not! You´re just being insensitive! Ronan Parrish could have been the nicest guy on the entire planet ‒ who just happened to like mistreating children.

Cloudia: You really want to die, don´t you?

Cedric: I mean ‒ what if he had been framed? What if he knew nothing of these kids?

Cloudia: I checked all the evidence to make sure that it was really Parrish who was behind everything ‒ and he was. Now, leave me alone. *turns to the audience* I will break this off before Undertaker can continue behaving like a moron. *Cedric yells something in the back* I apologise for his behaviour. Apparently, his mother dropped him as a baby and thus his brain is a bit damaged. Let´s just hope that the (irresponsible) writer does not let him take over the story again.

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Ciel timeline chapters

This side fic (!) to WotQ had an actual title, but I'm holding on to it for now because maybe, maybe, really very maybe, I will revive this project. Not as extensively as I had planned initially, just something small and short (and this time, I would mean it!!). But that would only be for the far future. Until then, here's the first chapter from 2017. (I only wrote that, a bit of the 2nd, and a few snippets...)

Chapter One: The Gallery of the Dead

“There, Phantoms were trapped in drawings.”

INTO THE ABYSS ARC

Countryside, England, United Kingdom ‒ October 1889

It was awfully silent when Sieglinde Sullivan woke up. The darkness of the sky, when she glimpsed out of the window by her bed, told her that it was still night and day was not about to come in the next couple of hours.

Sighing, Sieglinde let herself fall back into her bed and hugged her blanket. She closed her eyes, but when sleep would not come, she turned and turned around in her bed, trying to find a position comfortable enough that she would fall asleep again, and ultimately kicking her blanket down. Accepting that she was unable to go back to sleep right now, Sieglinde grabbed her crutches and left her bedroom to take a walk in the spacious Phantomhive Manor.

During the day, the manor was filled with all kinds of noise: explosions coming from the kitchen, screaming, Ciel´s annoyed sighs, the sound of porcelain breaking, crying, Tanaka’s “Ho ho,” the sound of people hysterically running back and forth. During the day, Phantomhive Manor gleamed with life, but right now, the manor seemed to have died. The clattering of Sieglinde’s crutches pierced through this eerie silence.

It was hard to explore Phantomhive Manor during the day as someone would always bother you with something or as something would always come up which would distract you from your actual plans. But now, Sieglinde was able to enter rooms she had never seen before, and walk through corridors she had not known before. And, eventually, she entered one of the oddest rooms of all Phantomhive Manor.

The Gallery was located in the back area of the manor, an area nobody usually entered. But despite no light except the moonlight illuminating the room, Sieglinde was already captivated by the Gallery’s beauty: Chandeliers, more beautiful, more delicate and elegant than the chandeliers in the other rooms, hung from the ceiling. The ground was pitch black but the places which were touched by the light glittered, indicating that there was more to the blackness than initially thought. The faint white patterns on the pale golden walls shimmered silvery in the moonlight – and so did the hair of the boy standing all alone in this room.

Ciel Phantomhive seemed like a ghost in the way he stood unmoving in front of one of the many drawings – surreal and out of place –, and Sieglinde almost believed that she had simply imagined his presence, but when she closed and opened her eyes again, Ciel was still there.

Slowly, Sieglinde moved towards him, the sound of her crutches tearing at her ears. And while she walked, she glimpsed at some of the drawings – all of them bearing the sad, serious faces of people long dead and long forgotten.

When she reached Ciel´s side, she waited for him to move, to turn his face to her and say something, but when Ciel kept staring at the drawing in front of him like he was under a spell, Sieglinde positioned herself right next to him and did so as well.

The drawing showed three people: two men, and one woman. The woman was sitting on a chair which looked so regal that it could almost be called a throne, and the two men stood behind her – one left, one right. Even with this poor light quality, Sieglinde could clearly see the woman’s beauty. Her dark hair, her porcelain skin, her glowing eyes. The woman in the picture shone with confidence and strength, and the smile on her face reminded Sieglinde of one of Ciel’s vicious smiles. She was the centre of the picture, stole all attention from the two men in the background like a queen.

“Who is she?” Sieglinde whispered, not daring to speak louder.

“My grandmother – Cloudia Phantomhive,” Ciel answered after a long pause, and turned away from the drawing. “And now, let us get out of here.”

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Unrelated to WotQ but Cloudia/Undertaker stories:

Itamae Phantomhive

I was procrastinating from writing a chapter for WotQ (I cannot remember which one it was; I'm sure I was procrastinating from uni stuff too) by thinking of something idiotic (modern sushi shop AU: The Phantomhives run a sushi shop as a "front" to gather information. Their clientele are mainly criminals and shady people, and they don't know they're the Watchdog family. Only Cloudia can't cook for shit, so she just hires Tanaka when he comes to kill her). I wrote two chapters and a bit of the third and then I forced myself to pull the brakes and post the story on AO3. It stayed up for about 24h hours, got no or maybe one hit, and then I deleted it. From 2018.

Chapter One: Itadakimasu

After her father's death, Cloudia Phantomhive inherited the Watchdog duty—and the Phantomhive family's sushi restaurant. Unfortunately, she was only ever trained in the art of killing, not in the art of sushi.

Struggling to run the restaurant, not to accidentally poison her criminal clientele, and be accepted into the (criminal) culinary world, Cloudia finds fortune in the oddest of ways: through an assassination attempt.

The funeral parlour was dark and dusty when Cloudia Phantomhive stepped inside, and she already regretted choosing it just because it was so close to work. She closed the door behind her and turned on the lights – and a few weak lights looking like candles came to life, exposing rows of coffins, numerous skulls, loose bones lying around.

Well done, Cloudia, you have chosen the funeral parlour of a weirdo.

“Is anyone there?” Cloudia said but nobody replied and appeared. Instead, she heard laughter seemingly coming from everywhere, seemingly coming from one of the coffins.

Cloudia took a deep breath, cursing herself for not checking this place first and potentially endangering herself, before she pricked up her ears and knocked against the coffins to find out from which one the laughter was coming from. And when she finally found the right coffin, Cloudia tore it open and found the strangest looking man she had ever seen inside it. He had long grey hair which fell into his eyes, and he wore old-fashioned black clothes, which were too large for him, and a compatible hat.

“You found me!” he said and giggled, stepping out of the coffin and wandering around the room before sitting down on a large desk made of dark wood.

“You have to be the new Countess of Phantomhive,” said the man. “I have already awaited you.”

“Of course,” Cloudia replied. “We had an appointment after all.”

He grinned. “Please take a seat, Countess Phantomhive.”

She frowned. “And where?”

He gesticulated towards the coffins on the ground. “As you have checked them, you should know that they are empty. For now, at least.”

Cloudia sat down, and the man held an opened casket, from which bone-shaped biscuits reached out, out to her. “Do you want some, Countess Phantomhive?”

“No, thanks. And ‘Miss Phantomhive’ or even just ‘Cloudia’ is fine. You don’t have to be so awfully formal. After all, nobody really cares about old noble titles nowadays anyway – don’t you think so, Mr…?”

“Undertaker,” the man said.

“You’re an undertaker and your name is… Undertaker?”

Undertaker smiled. “Indeed.”

“I didn’t get a lot of sleep in the last week, so, please excuse me if I put this too bluntly, but are you shitting on me right now?”

“Of course, not, Countess Phantomhive,” he replied with no sarcasm in his voice. Cloudia wasn’t quite sure how she should feel about it.

Cloudia rubbed her eyes. “Very well, Mr Undertaker…”

“Just ‘Undertaker’ is enough.”

Then just ‘Cloudia’ should be as well. She sighed. “Very well, Undertaker. How are the preparations for my father’s funeral going?” she asked, clutching her hands together in her lap.

“Splendidly,” Undertaker answered, taking a bite off one of his biscuits. “As soon the late Earl is returned by the police, the funeral will be held.”

She took a deep breath. “No complications?”

“No.”

“No further questions?”

“No.”

Cloudia took another deep breath before taking her bag and standing up. “Then – it was nice to finally meet you, Undertaker.”

He put away the casket and tilted his head. “You came here just to ask a few questions you could have asked on the phone as well?”

I just had to go outside. “I just wanted to be here if you needed my help with anything,” Cloudia answered, smiling. “And now, I have to go again. Goodbye, Undertaker.”

***

London, just like every big city she guessed, was a noisy place. And even though it wasn’t her first time in London, Cloudia flinched when she stepped out of the funeral parlour and was met with all that noise. There were so many people, so many things to see – so much life, so much movement –, and Cloudia wondered when, if at all, she would get accustomed it. London was so much different than the little town by Phantomhive Manor where she grew up after all.

Cloudia put on her earphones to shut herself off the world a bit and kept on walking. Her mother, the last Countess of Phantomhive, had died when she had been very young, and instead of letting his daughter live with him at the family’s London townhouse, Cloudia’s father had decided that she was to continue living at Phantomhive Manor with only a few servants to look after her. It wasn’t because her father didn’t love her – it was because he had wanted to keep her away as much as possible from the world he frequented. He had wanted to protect her even if it meant that they could only see each other a couple of times a year. This had been the sacrifice he had made; this had been the sacrifice he had accepted.

And now, he was dead.

When Cloudia arrived, she took off the earphones, threw them into her bag, and counted from ten downwards before she unlocked the restaurant’s door.

The Phantomhives were a special family.

Cloudia didn’t know when it had started but for what seemed like forever, the Phantomhives served the British Crown as Watchdogs. They governed the Underworld – and just like everything neither the Underworld nor the methods to oversee stayed the same.

Cloudia still wondered why the old methods had evolved into this: A sushi restaurant frequented by criminals and run by the very person who would bring them down. A sushi restaurant whose basement was a technological Eldorado.

The restaurant was located in a place known for its criminal activity, and the whole reasoning behind this façade was that nobody ever suspected the quiet cook or the waiter wandering around like a ghost as long as nobody was poisoned. But even then, suspicion didn’t often fall on the waiter or the cook but on the person facing you. After all, it was easier albeit riskier to put the poison into the tea yourself instead of bribing the waiter or exchanging the cook, especially if it was a place whose employees were well-known to the Underworld and the Underworld was well-known to the employees too. And the “Funtom Tetra” was such a place. The criminals frequenting London, or even Great Britain as a whole, knew that the Phantomhives were running this place, knew who was working here. They also knew that the Phantomhives would never do anything to lose their clientele by doing something as foolish as taking a side and engaging in any underground wars or selling information. And they were right, but only partially – the Phantomhives didn’t take the side of a criminal but of the Crown; they didn’t engage in underground wars, they brought them to an end; they didn’t sell information, they only used it to cleverly take them down before presenting the truth to the Queen.

But why, of all things, a sushi restaurant? Cloudia had once asked her father that question, and the only answer he had been able to give had been a shrug.

With a sigh, Cloudia turned on the lights and locked the door behind her, leaning against it and letting her gaze wander through the restaurant. She had loved her father – she still did. She understood why he had let her grow up safe and sound at the manor. But now, he was dead, and the family duty was left to her.

And she had no idea how to run a sushi restaurant.

Ah, isn’t that every girl’s dream?

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Monsters of London

Another book series I like is Monsters of Verity. There are monsters in that book called Sunai that "collect" (or, rather, consume) souls after playing a melody, so I decided to replace the Grim Reapers' gardening tools with musical instruments too. I also thought of more monsters and decided to make Cloudia unable to walk, based on the meaning of her name: "lame, crippled." I actually still like this idea and think the prologue isn't that awfully written as the things above, but the fic is binned because I simply have no time. From 2018.

Prologue: Elegy

Countryside, England, United Kingdom – June 1838

Even after all those years, he was amazed how naturally the melody came to him when he hoisted the violin to his shoulder and touched the strings with the bow. He closed his eyes and let himself be fully absorbed by the song, swiftly moving the bow and adjusting his fingers on the strings. When he played, he felt completely calm and at ease. When he played, he felt complete. And every time, the song came to its end, he had to force himself not to start again, but to take down the bow, withdraw the violin from his shoulder, and open his eyes again to see what he had done.

Cedric Rosene had never been a man, had only ever been a monster wearing the face of one. When he played his melody, he could pretend to be what he only seemed to be, but when he opened his eyes, he was always confronted with what he was: A monster which lured souls out of bodies to collect them, to safely store them away before they were ready to go on.

His kind was called Sunai, but over the centuries, they had become better known as Grim Reapers in tales and legends.

Cedric knelt down next to the corpse whose soul had surfaced while he had played his song. Gently, he tapped his bow to the shining soul to collect it and start the Cinematic Record – a voiced-over record of the corpse’s life. When Cedric had collected a soul for the first time, his hands had shaken when he had taken up his violin and started his song. Of course, the melody had taken away his tension and the feeling of nausea, but they had returned the instance he had moved to hold the bow against the dead body. And afterwards, he had been plagued by what he did and what he saw of the person’s record. Back then, Cedric had been haunted at day and at night. Now, his bad thoughts were only woven into his dreams.

After he had finished, Cedric left the room and searched for more corpses to find, for more souls to claim. In the distance, he could hear the melodies of his fellow Reapers who had come with him to this place; even though they were far away, Cedric could still make out every note.

From what he had found out of the Cinematic Records, the lady of the household had fallen ill in the middle of April and had only managed to fight herself back to healthiness a few weeks ago. The sudden and drastic decrease in the mistress’ health had caused great panic and worry for her family and the other household members. Everyone had focused to nurse her out of this horrible state; nobody had even wasted a single thought on the Season which had begun shortly before she had become sick. However, after she had triumphed over the disease and returned to her former self, preparations had been started to move to London for the Season.

The preparations had included to send some servants ahead to their townhouse so that they could ready it for their master’s family. And then, someone had taken the current state of the manor – understaffed, hectic – to their advantage to sneak into it and silently murder everyone inside.

How sad, Cedric had thought after the first Cinematic Record had finished before his eyes. Such tragedy after such happiness.

He found his path through the manor, following the faint hum of souls resting beneath not-beating hearts and collecting each of them. Eventually, Cedric arrived in what seemed to be a salon. It must have been a stunning room, once upon a time, but now, part of the carpet and walls were stained with blood; now, part of the furniture laid knocked-over, sometimes even partially broken, on the ground. Glancing down at the maid’s and butler’s unmoving bodies, Cedric hoisted his violin back to his shoulders and began to play. He took the servants’ souls, but right before he left, he blinked at the wheelchair, sitting lonely but upright in the middle of the room. From what he had found out of the records, the daughter had been born with legs which would never carry her. The wheelchair was hers. When the first had noticed what was going on in the mansion, the butler and the maid had hurried to the salon to find the young lady, but they had only found the wheelchair. They hadn’t been able to search further for her.

Cedric tore his gaze away from the chair and scanned the room. A Sunai’s song made a person’s soul surface and glow, and this effect wasn’t limited to those dead or dying. He stilled when he saw a silver glow shining through the thin gap between the cupboard’s doors. The soul of a dying or dead person was always black, but the souls of the living could have every possible colour.

For a moment, Cedric played with the thought to open the cupboard and lift the girl out and back into the wheelchair. And, perhaps, he would have even done it – helping the girl, revealing himself to her against the rules – if one of his companions hadn’t called for him.

With one last glance at the cupboard, Cedric turned around and left the salon – following the notes hanging in the air to the others.

[lorz-ix]

"Metal Gear Rising is so dumb"

So I wanted to reminisce about the popular reception to MGR:R with the excuse of its 10th anniversary.

I remember back when the game first came out, the main argument I remember from my group of friends was "this game is bad because it's not a real Metal Gear game", which quickly faded away when we realized it was actually fun as shit and very badass. Still, the compromise was "it's fun, but shallow compared to the real deal".

Funny enough, over these 10 years, my opinion on the game has flipped. I actually think the storyline is severely underrated, while the gameplay has fatal flaws that I only truly started to feel after many repeated playthroughs in an attempt to master the tougher challenges. Regardless, the combat system isn't the rant I wanted to go on today.

I wanted to talk about a pet peeve that I have with this perception that this game is "shallow and dumb", surely not helped by the massive amount of memes. I laugh at them like anyone else would, but they also worry me a bit sometimes. Like this.

Guys, come on. I know these memes aren't that deep, but they show this popular idea that the game is just crazy and it doesn't make much sense. But I think it's the opposite, these memes show miscellaneous lyrics from the game's soundtrack and they could hardly be more explicit about the point they're trying to make.

I'm not going to post every little example here, but many of the game's popular songs use very thin metaphors to comment on the brutality and cruelty of war, how soldiers are made to kill each other with no more motivation than to not get killed themselves, how war dehumanizes you. The individual boss themes are reflections of each character's feelings and motivations, which I will admit can get more esoteric and harder to understand at first glance, but these characters in the context of the story also come with a villainous monologue to help you understand their point and how it links to the broader narrative, for the most part.

In no sense is all of this more blatant than in the final two boss fights in the game. First, US Senator Armstrong greets you with a cartoonish speech laying out his political ideology.

And from the ashes, a new America will be born. Evolved, but untamed! The weak will be purged, and the strongest will thrive -- free to live as they see fit, they will make America GREAT AGAIN! (this game came out in 2013 by the way)

His ideal world is one where, seemingly, every person is free to do as they please, with no one to stop them, power completely unchecked. Meaning they would also be free to oppress. A world where tyranny is justified if you can earn your spot at the top. It's extremely unsubtle, with the point of culling the weak being explicitly mentioned several times, because we all know poor and marginalized people are only holding the rest of us back, right? And as if you needed the message hammered into your head any harder, the song that plays during your first round against the senator goes a little something like this:

The unenlightened masses They cannot make the judgment call Give up free will forever Their voices won't be heard at all

Display obedience While never stepping out of line And blindly swear allegiance Let your country control your mind

Live in ignorance And purchase your happiness When blood and sweat is the real cost Thinking ceases, the truth is lost Don't you worry You'll be told exactly what to do I give my people the lives they need The righteous will succeed

The fires of greed will burn the weak So we'll make freedom obsolete Making whole the fabric of society Collective consciousness controlled as you will see

MIND CONTROL

Let your country control your soul Let your country control your soul Let your country control your soul Let your country control your soul

But it doesn't end there! As you could imagine, if you haven't played or watched the game (sorry for spoiling the hell out of it I suppose), there is a round two against Armstrong, and the lyrics during that fight quite literally spells out the point of the game, again with the subtlety of a jackhammer. This is the one that became the subject of many, many memes.

Standing here I realize You are just like me Trying to make history But who's to judge The right from wrong When our guard is down I think we'll both agree

That violence breeds violence But in the end it has to be this way

I've carved my own path You followed your wrath But maybe we're both the same The world has turned And so many have burned But nobody is to blame

Yet staring across this barren wasted land I feel new life will be born Beneath the blood stained sand

Beneath the blood stained sand

Before ultimately being killed by Raiden, Armstrong reflects how, despite finding his ideology of "the strong get to decide" repulsive, ultimately the protagonist proved him right because the only way to stop him was by being stronger than him, doing so by force. This point isn't trying to say that Armstrong's ideology was correct in the end, and they very obviously weren't the same, since Raiden's motivation was to ensure that the weak would not have to resort to violence to survive like he had. I strongly believe this is supposed to be a mockery of Armstrong, who even while dying has to resort to cheap political rhetoric to save face. Stop me if you've never heard a politician try to appeal to everyone by saying "we actually want the same thing".

As it stands, the game is loud, and it couldn't be making its point in a less subtle way. Everyone deserves a life of peace and freedom from oppression, and sometimes the only way to ensure that peace is to commit otherwise unethical acts. Rebelling against the oppressor does not turn you into "the new oppressor" and it sure as hell doesn't put you on the same level of morality.

This entire rant had one point: to briefly show people that Metal Gear Rising Revengeance isn't the nonsensical spectacle it's broadly perceived as, it's an action game that wears its political, anti-war influence from the broader Metal Gear franchise on its sleeve, and it does so loudly and proudly. I'm ashamed to admit it took me a while to understand it at first too, but I thought having english as a third language played a bigger role in this. To reiterate, it is a little bit concerning that the broader english-speaking internet seemed to miss the point of the game so hard, and it probably goes to show how generally immature we still are.

If you're still interested in this flawed masterpiece after having the ending spoiled, I was going to stream it all in one sitting this weekend (nice plug, loser), and/or you can get it for 5 bucks on steam right now, since there's a sale ending on the 27th. With all that being said, thanks again for reading through my ramblings 🙏

[mmushroomwriter]

ONE YEAR OF PFTET

(sorry for this mess of a post, I promise I'll put out something better/more about the actual project soon, I just wanted to put out this more personal message first. I know the formatting is dodgy and it may not all entirely make sense, but it comes straight from the heart/sleep-deprived mind. I might take this down and re-write it tomorrow later today it's the early hours of the morning when I inevitably re-read it and cringe, but for now, here it is)

So turns out I missed the one-year anniversary (January 14th), so well done me...

It's wild to think that I've now officially been working on pftet for over a year now. My life has changed so wildly and drastically over the 12-month span that it's almost hard to imagine where I was when I started it.

I haven't done as much in that time as I would've hoped at the beginning, but to be fair to myself, I don't think I could've imagined what an utterly chaotic mess 2022 ended up becoming for me. I've mentioned a few different things on here (the mess that moving flat became, getting covid, breaking my arm, etc.) but on top of those and just the impact they had on my life, there was a bit more behind the scenes, as well as uni and work (gross). Especially now as where I live is going through a cost-of-living crisis, it's not only been stressful as fuck, but I've had to start working even more frequently than before (both a blessing and a curse, as it means less time to write in general, but also I'm pretty sure all of my best moments of inspiration have come to me on my commute).

That's not to say I'm not still working on pftet, because I am. And even when I'm not actively writing, I'm constantly thinking about the characters and the world. I love this project, and I promise I'm not abandoning it - no matter how long I go between randomly popping up to answer questions that have been in my ask box for several months. The unfortunate truth is just that, at least at the moment, I need to prioritise some other stuff - namely work and my health (although, touch wood, my health hasn't had any major blows since my arm in May).

However, I do promise that in 2023 I will (at least try my best to) be more active than last year. At the very least, assuming there aren't any wild unforeseen circumstances, I promise not to disappear without a trace for basically three months! Who knows? Maybe the fact that I've had to deal with all this wild shite in 2022 means I'll be able to handle it better in 2023.

Anyway, this has been long and I've said a lot of nothing, I just thought that my spotty appearances necessitated some sort of explanation. You guys deserve that.



The main thing, though, is that I want to say thank you. Thank you to everyone who's ever shown any interest in the dumb things my brain spouted one day and spiralled into this weird story about growing up and feeling as though the world is ending (and realising that it actually might be!) I don't think I'll ever be able to properly express my gratitude. Every single notification I get makes me grin stupidly, and I'm still mind-blown every time someone sends in an ask. I'm going to do a proper post more about thanking you all soon, maybe include a contest of some sort, I'm not entirely sure yet, but keep an eye out.



TLDR:

2022 was a shit show, but I'm hoping to get (at least a little bit) more on track and be active far more frequently. Thank you all so much for caring about pftet so far, and here's to the future!

[bestbidani]

Sorry for another depressing post.

Losing Roland has been so fucking hard. Not just emotionally, but physically too. The day we lost him, I cried so hard I vomited... twice. And now I'm with a cold or something. I'm running a fever and can't get warm.

I try to distract myself so that I'm not just dwelling on this pain and heartbreak. But it's hard. I see and hear him everywhere I look.

At the top of the stairs greeting me with a whiny little "eeearw" the moment I come home. Following my husband and me around the house, his tiny claws clicking on the hard floor. On the breakfast table, looking out the window and chittering at birds. Jumping on the kitchen counter to lick bacon grease off of the cast iron skillet. At the back door, standing on his hind legs, begging us to let him outside to roam around the back yard. Opening and hiding in the kitchen cabinets. Napping in his favorite spot on top of the recliner. Sitting in front of the TV to get our attention. Jumping onto our computer desks and walking across our keyboards. Drinking out of the toilet. Curled up in the bathroom sink, crying until we turn the water on so he could drink, not caring that he was getting soaked. Watching us shower from behind the curtain liner, waiting to meow and rub himself against our wet legs as soon as we were finished. Trotting up to me with a bouncy meow, trying to comfort me when I cried. On the bed, going back and forth between my husband and me, unable to decide who he wants to sleep on, so he compromises by curling up between us.

I know everyone says that their pet is special and unique. But I've had multiple cats growing up. And Roland was different. He loved people. He loved other cats. He never growled or hissed. He was so sweet and affectionate. Pure of heart, and dumb of ass.

I thought we would at least have 10 years with him. We lost him 4 days before the 8th adoption anniversary.

He didn't deserve this. He deserved to live longer, and go out peacefully. I hate this.

[ilovelotsofthings]

This is a mess of a post written at 12 am but I liked the idea behind it.

It is about Reworking Velma/Writing a more "adult" show.

I am not planning on writing it nor am I an actual writer. This is for fun.

===

So I like a lot of people don't like the new Velma show

(For pretty good reasons)

However I think there was some stuff from the 2 episodes that could be salvaged…

If really worked on

(Still going to pretend this is all 25 minute episodes for 10 episodes like Velma Season 1)

I am not doing like a full rewrite just bullet point thoughts

Also it isn't just Velma focused. I'm sorry 😞

Anyways,

Velma's mom. I think she could work especially if we keep Daphne adopted. A search for family along with solving murder mysteries 

Also, have Fred be adopted? 

I really liked Mystery Incorporated and Fred Sr. Him coming back as a character or a combo of Fred's previous dads could work. Just something to do with family to add to the girls stories

Have Fred not be an awful human. 

Velma can be sassy. She has been before and it has worked before. Being a straight up asshole has never worked.

Daphne is still her nice self but a bit of an asshole. Not a huge one. Just the friend who is a tiny bit mean to you.

Shaggy keeps his original personality. I am sorry to those who liked Norville but he is in no way shaggy in personality or even looks (Not the race. His hair is just not him). Have him be a bit sadder?

If Scooby cannot be here or mentioned just vaguely be like Shaggy's dog died 

Which is why Shaggy is sadder.

I am keeping Velma's race swaps. Kinda

Shaggy is biracial. That is the only race change.

They are still 15/16 but that is just because I feel like teens would work with my thoughts

As I started about. The goals of the gang.

I know murder is the through line but I think the first episode should just be an intro 

There should be mentions of Velma's mom leaving and Daphne being adopted.

Fred should find out later (episode 8,9,10?) that he is adopted. Hit the "Why didn't you tell me sooner"

Just introduce characters and their families.

Velma lives with her dad and his pregnant girlfriend (yes I am keeping her dumb butt). Velma likes her but she isn't her mom and she doesn't want her to replace her either.

Daphne is still adopted by a lesbian couple. I am changing their careers to Fashion designer and Science Teacher. Donna is the fashion designer and Linda the teacher.

Fred, as I said above, is raised by his (adopted) dad. With the dad being smashed with his previous incarnations' dads. So mediocre to a good dad. Business person?

Shaggy is raised by his mom and stepdad along with his younger half-sister Maggie. They are good parents. Mom works as a Chef while stepdad is a stay at home dad for Maggie.

Again, the first episode doesn't have to be so full. Families can get quick glimpses, easy since I am setting up the side journey of finding relatives or just a family side stories

Velma and Shaggy are friends. Have been for years now (since middle school). They carpool to school together.

Daphne and Fred are friends. Became friends freshman year.

Shaggy and Fred are friends. Like kindergarten friends who drifted apart but will still throw down for the other.

Daphne and Velma know of each other but aren't even friends. 

Same with Fred and Velma but a tad bit closer because of Shaggy.

Finally I will type a clearer :first episode:

Open with Velma marking of a calendar that says "Anniversary"

Show her getting ready and greeting her Dad and Sophie.

Insert a joke or something 

Have her walk a little way down to a neighbor's house and knock.

Just a quick hi from Shaggy's stepdad and Maggie before he calls for Shaggy 

Insert joke here or something 

Shaggy runs down and greets her and brings her to a van and show them backing up

Should only be about 5 minutes.

Switch to Daphne being dropped off at school by her moms.

Just the quick byes I love yous. One of the moms makes a bad joke.

Daphne shakes her head while smiling and turns to walk to Fred and asks how is it going and he says "fine, dad just didn't do our normal first day of school breakfast:

Daphne says that sucks.

Show in the background Velma and Shaggy arriving

The bell rings and everyone heads to class

Have some dumb joke be said by someone that isn't a main character. Make it foreshadowing to their death?

We are about half way through this episode so it should skip to lunch time.

Have some chatter about the previous class. Whatever it was.

We should follow Fred around when Shaggy runs up (Velma following behind) and asks if he heard the news

Fred says No and Shaggy shows him his phone with a News report. Some girl (One of Daphne's friends) is missing. Lots of blood was found, possibly dead, etc

Fred immediately asks if anyone told Daphne and both just kinda mention they aren't close to her. So he drags them with him to Daphne's lunch table with her other girl friends.

[15-18 minutes through?]

Everyone starts talking about it in worry and terror because who knows at this point who is doing it.

Have the bell ring to have them leave lunch to head to class

Show some worry on the characters' faces before Daphne says they should ditch to go look. Fred is on board, Velma took some convincing as "real person" missing, and Shaggy only agreed because Velma and Fred are his friends.

Have them bolt out of the school and begin looking around secluded spots near the school.

Have them lightly joking so they feel less anxious when…

They find her body.

End on scream 

Next episode can just be them telling the police, another goes missing, police are bad at their jobs, the gang becomes the Gang™.

Also throughout the entire season there should be mentions of the family side story. You know, because I hope people will care enough ← Says a company making this show so a 2nd season could happen

Anyways this whole mess was for fun so don't take it too seriously.

××××

I do have some more thoughts and I may just immediately overhaul this.

Like pretend there are longer episodes so I can keep the snail's pace.

I really like the idea of exploring family with these characters.

(Also may have Scooby actually be here. It just feels weird he isn't)

Also a murder mystery can still be there

(BTW I have many thoughts on their families and the dynamics. Probably a separate post at some point)

[thedreamyreality-blog1]

Update:

I forgot about this post. I thought it might be cool to update the internet on what happened.

After that post, I did talk to him about it. I forgot the exact words that he said, but he said something along the lines of "we're going to get through this". He knows that we hopped on this relationship pretty quick, kinda like we missed steps. Like getting to know each other (we did not do this the first thing we made it official because we knew each other, yeah, we really rushed the lovey dovey things).

We agreed on getting to know each other more. Like asking random questions about ourselves, or maybe telling a story about a pet we had when we were younger. At first, it was rough because I had this mindset that I'm doing the love thing all over again like I have to know his birthday, his favorite food, his dreams and all other things. Makes me realise that I did not love him that much. Even though we've been friends before our relationship, he still felt like a stranger.

But after weeks of those random chitchats, we improved (actually, mostly me because he was already invested). But you get the point. I found out that he was really into songwriting like I am, we both love romcom movies, and that kind of stuff. I even noticed he scrunches his nose and forehead when he is focused on playing the piano for me. I started to like him.

We even reached our 1st anniversary. He went to my place and brought pizza for us and my family. Things are well.

Not until 4 months later, the relationship was getting toxic. Some of our values don't align, which leds to a big argument. We always fight and it was tiring. We were always bringing back past arguments when we get into a new one. When we make up, the issue is not being resolved. It was rather.. avoided. Everything was getting foggy between us. At this point, I really love M. But the relationship that we had slowly reminded me of what we and L used to have. That toxic kind. I was so close to ending things with M everytime we had a fight. But I stayed because I love him. Stupid, right?

After a few days of fighting and yelling, we called it off. Not officially off because we wanted to be sure at first. (We're dumb, ik.) But we stayed in contact, just for the sake of friendship. After that, I always felt like there's a piece of me missing. He felt like a twin flame. Eventually, we stopped contacting each other to focus on ourselves.

Our family knew we were together. And were good with each other. So I feel like it's never over. So I felt tortured. I was scared of telling them we were over because they love him. I don't want him to get on their bad side but I know I will eventually have to say it. But I tried to heal first.

I started to love myself again. Hang out with some my girl friends. Spend time with my family. Everything was starting to feel great but I feel like I am not whole without him.

I tried contacting him again after trying to heal. I asked him how he was doing and he said, he focused on his welding course to get his certificate. So he could have a stable job. He told me he worked hard on himself and hoped I did, too. He did not want me crying after having no contact. I told him what I did after having no contact, and asked forgiveness for everything I did that hurt him.

He was trying not to cry. I admit that when we fight, he's always the one who says sorry so we could make up. That was my fault. I was too prideful. He said that that was the words he wanted to hear from me. And that he missed me so much.

He also said sorry about the hurtful words he said. And I told him I forgive him.

After what I think was closure, he asked me if we could try again. And that he promised to communicate better with me. I agreed on giving us another shot, and also promised to communicate and love him more kindly.

He still the best boyfriend and bestfriend I have (and the only one I have, LOL). We openly communicate our needs and problems to each other. I feel so at home in his arms, right now. I hope that everyone that reads this gets to find their home, too. You all deserve kind love.

Thanks for reading this far, I might update in the future. Who knows?

Oh, and we are already 2 years in! I'm graduating from college soon and he's working his ass off because he wants to save up for our future already.

Am I pretending?

I have someone I think I love? I mean he loves me so much. And at the first place, I really don’t have feelings for him. He only has feelings for me. Then I had a boyfriend. Not him. Other guy. Let’s call the other guy, L.

L was kind of emotionally manipulative sad fuck boy (I realized this when we’re already together, like 3 months in.). So I was really emotionally tired with this man, and the guy who has feelings for me, the first guy? Let’s call him M. So M is like a friend to me. He asked me how it was with L, and at first I didn’t really told him the truth. But eventually I was looking for someone to vent out to, and M was there. He was always there. Even when he got a girlfriend. But we didn’t talk that much ‘cause I don’t want to cause him trouble and I don’t want to start a fight with my boyfriend at that time.

Fast forward, me and my boyfriend were on and off. M saw that we were. So he kinda took the chance and tried to court me. I declined. He was still in a relationship at that time, it was fucked up. And I was still in love with L. M still tried to pursue me, and I was really harsh on him. I said he was a cheater. And that he should stay faithful to his girlfriend. But he said, he loves the girl but loves me more. And then I say that he shouldn’t be fucking around like that. If that is what he feels then he should break up with the girl.

He did. He broke up with the girl.

I was still stuck with L. It took me months after I decided that I don’t want to have that toxic on and off relationship anymore.

I was devastated. I really am. I was emotionally tired. Plus I can’t accept the fact that L and I will never get back together.

M heard the news. Said that he can be a rebound.

I was out of my mind that time, to the point that I said yes. He said that it’s okay that I don’t have feelings for him yet. Just so he could be with me by my side.

Yes, I’m dumb. But I was broken at that time. I really needed comfort.

So we we’re together right?

He was doing a lot of effort to hang out with me. And all that cute shit. It felt nice, it felt new to me. And I think I was starting to like him because I was getting the butterflies.

Or did I? Or was it because he was the only one there for me in my vulnerable times?

Now we’re 8 months in. Sometimes I feel nothing. Like I don’t want to talk to him, because it felt like I’m just forcing myself. Sometimes I feel like I like him. Sometimes I really forget about messaging him. That it became a habit.

I talked to him about it. That I think I was starting to lose feelings.. (Or did I really have feelings?)

He begged me to put some more effort not to lose feelings. I did.

But as time pass, I just think that I’m just used to him being there.

I really don’t know if I love him. I think my heart is broken(or my head), because I can’t really distinguish what I’m feeling.

Sometimes I feel like I’m pretending to love him. I’m not sure.

I’m going to talk to him about this again.

Wow, reading all of this makes me think that I’m really broken inside.

[missingexaltation]

AU Fic Idea:

In 2022 famous frontman and guitarist Eddie is accused of inappropriate behaviour back in the 90's, at the beginning of his rise to fame (though the allegations are obviously false and easily proven to be false).

However...things get weird for his fans pretty quickly as other stuff about his (usually quite private) life is discovered.

He responds to the allegations on Twitter with just one word. 'Lol'. The internet goes insane, thinking Eddie is just being blasé about what he did, to the point where after a day or so he gives an actual official press release.

'I'm deeply sorry for my initial response to these allegations, however I can confirm said allegations are completely and grossly false. I have been happily married since 1991 and have at no time cheated or behaved in a way that could be seen as cheating, especially with someone underage. I was not in the same country (or continent!) at the time these events were supposed to have taken place (lots of proof available online). Apologies again for being so flippant, but I didn't think anyone actually believed I was capable of doing something so awful.'

His fans immediately are confused because...Eddie's...married? And has been for over 30 years? Social media runs wild because the only proof of marriage they can find is from 2016, and here's the kicker, it's to a guy called 'Steve' of all things.

The only thing they can find from 1991 is a request to change his name, but he's been Eddie Harrington for as long as anyone can remember, certainly as long as he's been famous. Then SOMEHOW the entire 1986 saga gets brought to light, and 'Eddie Munson' and his 'husband' are discovered to have been 'attempted victims of a serial killer', but survived. Hence the scars on his stomach and neck, the internet realises. What the fuck.

This all happens over the space of a week or so, and Eddie's social media is silent (not unusual for the old man, but still... people want answers). The internet is very confused and his music is suddenly being played everywhere, a complete resurgence in his early, very popular rock albums with his band (who have also remained silent).

Eddie eventually goes live on social media and answers a bunch of questions from the chat.

Yes he's married. Yes in 1991 but it wasn't legal, but he still counts it, because fuck the government, that's why.

Yes they got legally married in 2016, on their 25th wedding anniversary.

Yes it's to Steve, yes Steve was prom king at school and really popular, and a 'hot piece of ass' (and still is).

No Eddie wasn't popular, he was a nerdy piece of trailer trash like he's always claimed.

Yes he nearly died, but that was ages ago. Steve saved his life and they've been tragically in love since then.

Eddie (and Steve by proxy) somehow become the internet's favourite queer dads, despite neither of them really being active on their social media or doing anything to promote themselves. Eddie eventually gets a tiktok where he puts up dumb clips of his family and friends, and lots of random clips from the past when he was on tour/recording. Steve's in almost all of them, mostly in the background.

#WheresSteve becomes popular whenever Eddie posts something new, and if he's on live then he has to drag his long suffering hubby on camera so chat will be quiet (they just post lots of heart emojis, which confuses Steve so much because what has he done??).

[spiderfunkz]

DUMB CONVERSATIONS, WE LOSE TRACK OF TIME

summary : just some cute memories of you with your lovely girlfriend <33

pairings : robin buckley x gn!reader (modern!au sorta)

wc : 0.7k

warnings : kisses?? bit of foul language, but other than that just tooth rotting fluff.

a/n : sorry for not posting so much i had no inspo for a couple of weeks, but i got an idea for this blurb fic thing inspired by the song 'nothing' by bruno major!! italics in bold are lyrics btw

tracksuits and red wine, movies for two . . .

"robin the movies starting!" you shout out as your favorite movie starts playing on the tv. it was a lovely afternoon, and what better thing to do than to watch movies with your beautiful girlfriend? "coming m'love" robin replied, rushing towards the small living room in your house.

"look what i found in the boxes back there earlier" she says pulling up a bottle of wine. "ooh, must've got left out" you shrug. "maybe, anyways you up for some drinks?" she asks as you nodded.

the movie went on for an hour or two as glasses of wine started filling the coffee table. you're cuddling with robin as you sip from the glass, paying attention to the movie while robin is doing the complete opposite. yeah she seen this movie for maybe 47 times so it was pretty valid for her to get bored of it. but i don't think that excuses her from accidentally spilling the red wine all over your new tracksuit.

"shit!" you curse out as robin gasps. "oh my god sorry, lovebug i didn't mean to do that!" robin apologizes as the stains started to appear. you look up to her in a disbelief face as she chuckles awkwardly, scratching the back of her neck.

"well the good thing is you just diy'd a halloween outfit! the uh, bloody tracksuit-er?" robin shrugs as you furrowed your brows. "your lucky i love you, buckley"

we'll play nitendo, though i always lose . . .

"aha! another win, the mario cart pro is unbeatable! sorry love" you chuckle as robin smile. "mhm, i can go on days doing this" robin says sarcastically. "we can play another game if you want" you suggest as she shook her head. "honestly i don't mind losing, because there's nothing, like doing nothing, with you" she says, kissing your cheeks.

dumb conversations, we lose track of time . . .

"and then there was petey, you know petey right?" robin asks as you nodded, listening. its been an hour, or maybe a few hours? you're not quite sure anymore but you don't mind. you would honestly pay to listen to your girlfriend ramble about anything really, you love it.

"he was absolutely terrified! he sat in the corner with a blank face, trying to process everything that just happen... i mean you don't see a drum set get thrown out of the window very often huh? especially your drum set that you payed for since the school has a pretty low budget for these things" robin continues as you chuckle.

"gosh you should've seen his face! he- he was like—" robin pauses, imitating a scared yet straight face causing you to laugh as she joins. you both laugh for a few minutes not realizing the time that just hit 2 am.

have i told you lately? i'm grateful your mine . . .

it was your 1 year anniversary with robin. and you were more than excited to celebrate it with her. you just finished a reservation at you two's favorite restaurant, and now your driving home with her. "okay when we get home, there's still something i wanna do so you just stay in the car for a bit, yeah?" you stated as she nodded.

once you arrive at your drive way, you parked your car before rushing in your house, trying to quickly get the surprise together. a few minutes pass by and the surprise is finally done.

you go out and walk towards the car where robin is. "hey! you can come in now" you say, gesturing towards the car as she smiled. you held robin's hand, walking towards the house.

you cover her eyes with your hands as you open the front door, guiding her to the kitchen where everything is placed. "okay, open your eyes, slowly okay!" you say as she nodded, opening her eyes. "tadaaaaa!" you smile, waving your hands as robin smiles. she grabs the box on the counter, opening it.

inside the box was a sweater you knitted just for her, a little love letter, and a heart locket with a picture of you with robin. it was one of your favorite memories with her, you were cooking heart-shaped pizzas just like the ones you found from your camera roll. it was you and robin, holding the pizza while being covered with flour after a small flour fight robin caused.

"aw this is perfect, lovebug! thank you so much" she smiles, giving you a warm hug. "gosh i love you so so much, bug. i'm so grateful to have you" robin says, kissing your cheek. "i love you more, birdie" you reply.

[mntalbrakdown]

love is a losing game - T. Holland

masterlist!

mentions of: angst, regret, breakup, marriage, commitment issues, lmk if u find any! Grab ur tissues

synopsis: the reader and Tom have been dating for half a decade and when things seem to be going great, things take a turn to the worse. Revealing that everything has been a lie

part 2! alt ending

a/n: lowkey love this fanfic but literally all my fav posts I write are angst so... lmk if u want a pt2!

You were both going out for your 5th anniversary and you couldn’t be happier. You thought he was going to propose because you both were so in “love”. You made yourself look presentable with the nicest outfit you oiled put together, nails you did a few days before hand, and makeup you did a few hours beforehand because you wanted this day to be perfect.

“Hay can I talk to you real quick?” Tom grabs your hand to stop you in your tracks

“Yeah what’s up” it was real cold so you took a sip of your tea, something you picked up from Tom when you started dating

“So we’ve been dating for a while now and I” you couldn’t stop yourself from thinking about him getting on a knee and pulling out a box from his pocket. It would be so perfect since this was the sidewalk right next to the coffee shop you used to work at and was the place you first met, but you back to a realization when he wasn’t getting on a knee and there was no box. You were so confused and didn’t understand what was going on. “It was all a lie”

“Sorry” you started to blink profusely and couldn’t look back as the man in front of you

“It was all a lie” Tom repeated his past statement maybe this was a bad idea, to do it in public

“What was” you acted dumb

“This” he points in between the both of you

“No, you did-“ you cut your statement off. Who were you fooling, of course it was all a lie.

He would never help you out when you needed it, or never comfort you when you were sad.

You stepped back.it was starting to get hard to breathe. It felt like you needed fresh air, but you were already outside. Almost as if you were drowning and you couldn’t go back to the surface. It was too much and you had to step back.

“Didn’t, you didn’t love me?” You asked a bit in shock, you felt like you were losing your balance. You felt like you were losing your grip on the world. He was a great actor because he fooled you for all those years. Who can you trust now?

“I’m sorry,” Tom said with the fakest apologetic smile he could put on. Or maybe it was real, you don’t know anymore. Or maybe it was you just don’t know anymore.

"Why, why would you say you did but-" you felt your face and it was hot

"I'm so sorry I thought-”

*Don’t, I don't want your pity, why for so long?" how were you holding yourself from not crying?

"I don't know" he started to stare at his shoes, they were getting dirty and beat up. He decided he needed new ones soon. Why was he thinkingof his shoes when you're over there having a panic attack? He knew it was wrong so he shook itself out of it.

"For how long" you started to stare at his face to see any emotion on his side, but he looked bored and wanted to get this over with

"For the whole-” you cut him off yet again

*Don't answer- wait the whole time?" you started to yell, but this was outrageous

"I'm sorry love" he started to go over to you trying to hug and comfort you, but that wasn't his job now, nor was it ever since he never loved you

"Why?" you grabbed onto his clothes and cried into them. Ruining all the effort of making yourself look and feel pretty. All those hours spending them on this day all for nothing. Now you matched what you feel inside.

"I just got out of a relationship and you were there really nice and, and I needed someone like you"

“Welcome, do you need a fixer-upper" your stupid big smile was out for display to brighten the customers up

"Yeah, can I get a tea with some sugar" he smiles looking at you. Was love, at first sight, a thing? Because if it were, he just had it. Maybe it was because he just got dumped this morning and wanted a new relationship asap to get rid of this feeling it had and let me tell you, it was worse than a hangover.

"Coming right up, and your name" you knew who he was. One he was the Tom Holland and two because he would always come into the coffee shop, you never actually talked to him because it was always you making the drinks in the back or you were just on break.

"Tom," he says with a smile

"Coming right up, Tom" He liked the way his name rolled on your tongue. You went to the back to get the drink ready for him. "here you go have a great day" you smile, but let us be honest you never wanted him to leave, leave you

"And what's your name sweets" he didn't want you to leave him and there was no one in line to get a drink so he could selfishly have you all to himself

“y/n, but everybody calls me y/n/n"

“A beautiful name, when is your break?" you checked the clock behind his head and saw that your shift was over in a few minutes. It was like the world was on your side for once

"I'm done in 5 minutes actually" you smile at your hands, wanting to conceal your emotions

"Ok l'Il wait for you then" he didn't even ask, he just went for it and you were excited. how can a person have such a control on you as he did

"You needed someone to play with" you looked at him confused, but your voice sounded so sure of it’s self

"No, I just, I don't know what was going on," he said starting to massage his temple

"You wanted to get revenge? You wanted someone to feel the hurt you went through"

"No don't you dare psychoanalyze me" he raised his voice and it caught you off guard, startling you "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry"

"I think I'm going to go catch a taxi" you smile at Tom weakly trying your hardest to get away from him

"No, I'll drive you," he said a little too eager

"No, it's ok” tears now rolling down your face making you look down just in case anyone saw that. Who were you kidding everybody saw that even you could see the dogs were uncomfortable

"Please" Tom ran up to you trying to catch up

"No, it's ok," you said and you were trying to stop every taxi that passed by you in the streets of Manhattan, but it was no use because each one of the yellow cars was passing right by you

"At least let me help you" and right when Tom saw a taxi it stopped. How does he have that affect on people? Making them stop for him

"I hate you" you laughed a little, but then you were reminded that you're supposed to be mad at him because of your stuffed nose

"Please don't, I'm sorry, I'll always be sorry”

"Bye Tommy' if words could kill, he has just been shot right in the head. This was worse than being broken up with. He hated it. Right when you slammed the door on him and the taxi went away. That’s when he knew it was over.

He fucked up, he fucked up so bad. Why did he do this? He wished this was all a dream. That he could wake up at any moment. This isn't what the day was supposed to be. This was supposed to be a good day, a great day. The box in his pocket was starting to bug him. He wouldn't be able to look at it. especially not the inside because it wasn't meant for him. it was meant for you

[chickwiththepurpleguitar]

And rounding out our ladies: "speaking in code" for Carrie??

- 🐸

Sorry, y'all, I'm a few days behind. Hoping to catch up (and maybe even get ahead if I can help it) today. Enjoy! This takes place pre-possession (probably pre-canon ngl, though not by much). Tw for mentions of disordered eating/names of eating disorders.

Also happy 2 year anniversary to JATP!

Send me prompts! (I need like 9 more to round out the month).

Carrie’s phone buzzes as she’s taking off her makeup in the bathroom mirror.

She tosses her all-organic makeup wipe in the wastebasket and grabs her phone from its charging port on the counter.

It’s a text from Nick: Ring Ring.

Carrie rolls her eyes, gritting her teeth to curb the blush that threatens to pinken her cheeks, even though no one can even see her and it’s stupid to be embarrassed about being embarrassed.

It’s just that Nick’s coded texts are always so dumb. “Ring Ring” is supposed to symbolize a dinner bell, and it’s Nick’s way of asking if Carrie’s eaten yet without sounding like her babysitter.

Kitchen’s closed, she texts back— her own code for not hungry so leave me alone— and goes back to scrubbing glitter off her face.

Barely a minute later, her phone rings— FaceTime, from Nick.

“Ugh,” Carrie mutters. She does not want Nick to see her right now— bare-faced and puffy from the makeup remover, her hair pulled back and off her forehead with a flowery bandana Rose Molina gave her. But she can already see the screenshot he’ll send her— his own face, pouting, under the “FaceTime Not Available” screen— if she doesn’t pick up, so she just makes sure to point the camera at the ceiling.

“Is it a McDonald’s day or do I need to bring something over to cook?” Nick says as soon as the call connects.

Carrie leans closer to the mirror to make sure she’s getting all the mascara off. “Hello to you, too, Nicholas,” she says faux-brightly. “Did you not see my text, or…?”

“No, I saw it.” Nick’s voice is a little muffled, like he’s chewing on something; Carrie glances over at her phone screen, but all she can see is a moving sky and treeline. He must be walking. “I’m just not an idiot.”

“Excuse me?”

“Kitchen can’t be closed, Care. You had a voice lesson before school, dance practice after school, Kayla told me you were designing Dirty Candi costumes all through lunch, and I know Greta leaves early on Fridays and there’s no way you made yourself something before beginning your elaborate post-rehearsal skincare routine. So! What am I bringing you?”

Carrie goes tense. She’s sure her face is all red and blotchy now, and her jaw already hurts from how tightly she’s clenching it, but she resists the urge to snap at Nick or hang up the phone.

It’s not that she doesn’t eat, okay? Despite the pressure of dance and Hollywood high school, and her dad’s weird psychiatric vegetarianism, she’s not, like, anorexic or anything. She just has high standards— it’s home-cooked or 5-star, except for on the most exhausting of days, on which she can manage to stomach fast food if Nick picks it up for her. That, and she’s busy. She’s constantly doing something to further her career— keeping her grades up or writing a song or perfecting a routine. She doesn’t have time to feel hungry at all, much less do anything about it.

And Nick knows that. Because Nick knows her.

Being known is… not something Carrie knows how to deal with.

“It’s not a McDonald’s day,” she says sharply, pulling her hair out of the bandana and finger-combing it into something approaching presentable. Since he’s coming over anyway… “But I think there’s leftover veggie curry in the fridge.”

“Great! I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Nick’s face appears briefly on her phone screen, too close to the camera, to smack her a kiss. “Love you!”

“Use your key, I’m not letting you in,” Carrie says before she hangs up.

And that’s sort of a code in and of itself.

For what, though, she’s not sure.

--

Taglist: @whenweremarried @sunsethimb0s @pink-flame @penguin0613 @fighttoshine @sunsetcurvecuddles @teenagedirtbag-dot-jpeg @brightattheorpheum @queenmolina @jandthephantoms @lexilucacia @sapphossidechick @acnhaddict @shrimp-colours @sunset-bobby @lenacarstairspotterstewart @conversationaltreestump @burntchromas @julieandthequeers @joyandthephantoms @it-tastes-like-lizard @jatpfs 

[hella1975]

hello bestie!!! this is a very special good morning ask because as you may or may not know, it is the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of taob!!! to celebrate, hannah thought we should steal abby's idea of getting a cameo from dante so we've been secretly organizing that for almost a whole month!! a very special thank you to abby for the idea and the following people for donating five dollars: hannah (verdanthoney), boom (boomerang109), emi (emi_artblock), espí (drama-queen-supreme), jo (lessons-from-moths), clara (claracaboozle), emi (emi_artblock) mari (sifu-sugarqueen), nikki (im-a-sokka-for-you-ooh), mar (wrong-way-maremi), abby (abby420) someone who donated under the name oatmilkmocha who i can't remember who they are (FEEL FREE TO COMMENT, MYSTERY PERSON. I'M SORRY), and kai donated anonymously but i'm calling her out for a thank you anyway. emi's already been listed twice (yes that was intentional, as was listing abby again since she was both the genius with the idea AND one of the people who helped fund it), but i'm mentioning emi a third time because she donated a lot and we appreciate it very much. so yeah, in the attached video dante is only going to thank me and hannah (which is my fault cause i'm dumb and don't understand forms) BUT it's from way more people than just us, it's from everybody i listed here and (in spirit) it's from the whole cult. we hope you take dante's words about appreciating yourself and your writing to heart. it takes a truly special person to accidentally become a cult leader by drunk posting a fic, but it doesn't surprise me in the least that you did it--you're just that amazing. there are absolutely no words for how grateful i am to have you in my life and how beautiful i think you are (inside and out). this is long enough, so i'm going to let zuko take it away before i get too sappy: https://v.cameo.com/J1aMF8qjsib

It is currently 10:56am. I am hungover and sat on the edge of my friend’s bathtub because the bathroom is the only place I could sneak off to to listen to this (and when I say I ZOOMED off when I realised what the fuck you guys had done). I genuinely don’t know what to say. I guess when I clicked on the link I sort of was still waiting for it to be a joke..... but then it wasn’t..... and Zuko’s voice is just casually saying ‘hella’ and ‘redemption is a human word’. I about near lost my shit.

This is one of the kindest, most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me, and I wish I could convey how much this means but I am genuinely speechless. I’m shaking and yes I did cry, which we all know isn’t something I do easily. But hearing ‘keep writing, keep writing’ from the voice of a character I have loved and have taken to create a story that so many people found friendship through - that was the part that made me full level sob in this here bathtub. I’m sure I look a sight. Sorry to my friend’s parents.

You guys mean the world to me. It’s taob’s one year anniversary and I genuinely didn’t think anyone had noticed, and I didn’t mind that!! I almost didn’t want it to be a big deal!!! But here you were, planning this behind my back, spending actual hard earned money (how dare you) on me, to create this beautiful gift. I will never forget this. I’ve been having a difficult time at the moment (AND YOU TOLD DANTE BASCO ABOUT IT YOU WANKERS) but this has picked me up so quickly that I might have whiplash.

Again, no words here can actually describe how much this means to me. I love every single person seeing this so fucking much. And for those of you responsible ( @boomerang109 @abby420 @verdanthoney @sifu-sugarqueen @emi-artblock @im-a-sokka-for-you-ooh @drama-queen-supreme @claracaboozle @hi-raethia @lessons-from-moths and I cant seem to tag the other two but this is absolutely aimed at you), you guys have made my day, and possibly my entire year. I need to reiterate that this is one of the kindest things anyone’s ever done for me, which I feel gets thrown around a lot but I genuinely mean it. This is so thoughtful and impossible and it’s from a bunch of people on the internet who owe me nothing. That’s what jars me about this. This isn’t like real life where there’s social standards and if you don’t get someone a gift it’s frowned upon. You all genuinely could have just not done anything and no one would have looked at you any different, but instead you came together and you did this amazing thing and I just. Thank you, thank you, thank you

I love you all so much. Happy one year anniversary to taob. I hope that even when this story finishes (not anytime soon lbh), the cult continues strong xxxx

[hobbysognodilibri]

Could you give us some headcanons for the HQ characters in your post post timeskip au??

Bokuaka???🥺

Hey there!!! Sorry I didn't answer right away I swear I didn't forget about this!!

I never thought anyone would ask this kind of headcanons so I didn't have anything ready to post!!

But I have something now!!!

(Also tomorrow I have the first part of my exam HELP)

Anyway! Here are some headcanons I have for HQ post post timeskip Bokuaka

Obviously

SPOILERS FOR HAIKYUU!! MANGA AND kinda HAIKYUU-BU!!

- After he retires from professional volleyball Bokuto becomes the coach of the female vb team at Fukurodani [I will die for this headcanon!!!] - Chubby Akaashi [I will not elaborate just- YES!] - We know how it's canon (Haikyuu-bu!!) that Bokuto survived on his own at the beginning bc Akaashi brought him food and helped him out. Well I like to think that since then he tried really hard to improve (especially in the kitchen) and is now a pretty decent cook. - Akaashi can cook really fucking well! - Akaashi goes to watch all of Bokuto's matches (and bring the kids too after they're born) - Obviously they go get ice cream later - When they want to have a date night Kuroo and Yaku will keep the kids with them. Obviously when Kuroo and Yaku want to have a date night Bokuto and Akaashi will keep Hide with them. - Bokuaka and Kuroyaku living close to each others?? Fuck yeah! - Watching dumb TV shows with take out is the best kind of date (while the kids aren't there) - Akaashi reading at night while cuddling with Bokuto!!! Like I'm picturing Akaashi half seated, leaning on the headboard, Bokuto with his head on his stomach while Akaashi pets his hair??? hogivdnfklv They're so sweet I'm dead - Obviously (let's pretend that gay marriage is legal in Japan) they're among the first couples to get married - And they always go all out on anniversaries - If they need to buy new clothes they always go together [Idk why I read that a while ago on a ff and thought it was cute] - Also they go grocery shopping together

.

Sooo... I guess this is what I have for now

If you want more just ask this is so much fun for me!!!

(Also I never received so many asks in so little time... Or so many asks at all)

Sooo... Yeah have a great day!!! <3