#this is dumb bitch syndrome!! my brain is lonely and yet fears company!!! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

blakelywintersfield · 4 years ago

Text

having social anxiety and RSD is just like... “I am afraid to approach, and afraid to respond” so you simultaneously never start and never continue conversation so your lack of social circle is literally your own fault

#and then you sit there like 'why do i have no friends'#because you literally Do Not Talk to people who you don't already in some sense know #how did i get to know those people? i don't know anymore! it somehow happened! it's a method i don't remember how to recreate!#and now the mental illnesses are working in tandem to keep me from figure out how to recreate that method!#this is dumb bitch syndrome!! my brain is lonely and yet fears company!!!#YOU HAVE TO PUT IN GETTING TO KNOW SOMEONE BEFORE YOU CAN BE FRIENDS BUT MY BRAIN REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT PART #OH THIS PERSON ISN'T *IMMEDIATELY* SUPER CLOSE? THEY DON'T LIKE YOU / YOU'RE PROBABLY TOO DIFFERENT / ETC.#like MAYBE i just NEED TO GET TO KNOW THEM MORE #but NO #my dumb bitch syndrome says 'ABORT MISSION FAILED I REPEAT MISSION FAILED'#buddy i had *one* conversation with that person THEY ARE NOT GONNA BE BUDDY BUDDY WITH ME IMMEDIATELY PLEASE STOP #is this relevant to anything in particular? no. i can count at least 10 people who i've had this struggle with in the past 6 months #i'm just thinking about it again because i want to go out in the summer when things are *hopefully* safe (and only IF it's actually safe to #but i wanna do it with like. lots of friends. i wanna hang with lots of people #and i think of some of the people i've had this social block happen with like 'i feel like this would be fun with them'#but we literally don't know each other well enough to do something like THAT and it's BECAUSE my brain panicked 6 months ago #like hey. stupid. if you'd been rational and just been a normal fucking person #you'd probably actually BE well acquainted enough for that to be a normal hang #but now you're missing out because YOU'RE THE DUMB ONE #someone please save me from myself my fucking brain can't figure out BASIC HUMAN INTERACTION APPARENTLY #and this has been my issue for years so there's people that i basically never speak to anymore #and my brain is like 'too late can't be friends' like maybe we COULD be if you could just ACT NORMAL FOR ONCE. but NO you gotta be like thi #''what completely obvious and common sense thing is my therapist going to tell me that will resolve this year long issue #and make me hate just HOW dumb my mental illness makes me: vol. 9'' due in the next few weeks i'm sure

2 notes · View notes